If your answer to any of those last three questions is 'yes', be prepared for some shocking statistics. It's estimated that in 2003 about 50,000 women were raped in the UK, although just 11,867 went to the police. Of those cases, 1,649 went to trial but, appallingly, only 629 resulted in successful prosecutions. If you reported a rape in 2003 you had a mere 5.3 per cent chance of getting your rapist convicted. Worse, the conviction rate for rape in the UK has been sliding for years. In the 1970s you had a 33 per cent chance of getting a conviction. In 1985 it was 24 per cent. The 2003 figures, the most recent, are the worst ever. The frightening fact is that, in 21st century Britain, rape is a low-risk crime.
The main problem, say experts, is our old-fashioned idea of what rape is. Professor Liz Kelly, who co-authored the report A Gap Or A Chasm? Attrition In Reported Rape Cases that revealed the low conviction rates, says: 'Almost everyone still believes a stereotype of what I would call "real rape": being attacked by a stranger, outside, who uses a weapon, plus the victim resists and reports it immediately to the police. But unfortunately many rapes don't fall into that category.' Statistics show most rapists are known to their victim, and can even be a current or ex-boyfriend. Often, they are acquaintances: a workmate or someone met at a club or party.
But because we find it hard to believe that a rapist can appear normal - handsome, even - or can hold down a responsible job, have a girlfriend or a family, we're reluctant to believe a woman who says she has been raped by anyone other than a monster. Yet the 2005 report admits that 'rape is a much more frequent and mundane crime than is conventionally believed'.
The experience of Glamour magazine readers bears this out. Louise was 17 when she was raped by a friendly, good-looking man she met on a girls' night out in Wales. They chatted in a night club, and when they bumped into each other at the end of the evening he invited her and her mates to a party. Louise's friends decided to get a cab home, and when Louise got to the 'party' she found just the man there. He raped her anally and vaginally, leaving her badly injured. Yet she found it hard to see what had happened to her as rape - 'I felt I must have done something wrong' - and didn't report it to the police until days later.
Jill, 18, got a job at Gatwick airport, and after her first day's work went for a drink with two of her new male colleagues. They got on well and caught the last train home together. On the 15-minute journey, both men held Jill down and raped her, anally and vaginally. Again, she didn't report it to the police until a day later, by which time much of the forensic evidence had been lost because she'd had a shower.
Victims such as Louise and Jill can't believe what has happened to them: they don't want to call it rape, because they believe in the 'real rape' stereotype that you're only vulnerable to attack by a stranger. It is hard to accept that a man who's funny and charming, a man you think you know, can also be a rapist. 'The fact is, any man can be a rapist,' says Kelly.
Because of our mistaken beliefs about who rapists are, it is very difficult to get juries to convict. 'When jurors are presented with a clean-cut young man in a nice suit, they can't connect that with their idea of a rapist, so they believe him rather than the victim,' says writer and campaigner Julie Bindel. 'And if the victim was drunk, or dressed provocatively, or has had a healthy sex life, the chances of conviction drop even further.'
Bindel believes that some rapists deliberately look out for a particular type of woman as their victim. 'The fact is many young women, through no fault of their own, fall into a cliché that makes them vulnerable. They're dressed up, in heels and short skirts, they're on the sauce, and they're more sexually open than previous generations. In my opinion, there's a constituency of rapists who know what juries don't like and target women accordingly.' The 2005 report acknowledges this, calling for further investigation into 'the significance of alcohol in rape', including 'the extent to which men target unknown women who are drinking'.
Twenty years ago, if a woman wore a short skirt she was deemed to be 'asking for it'. These days alcohol is the equivalent of that miniskirt. When Louise reported her rape to the police, the male officers who took her statement said two things: 'You were drunk,' and, 'You went back to his house'. 'Like I didn't know,' says Louise.
'Two days later, I got a phone call from a CID officer. He said, "I would strongly recommend you don't proceed with this case, and if you don't I'd like you to retract your statement." I refused to retract, but they did nothing. They didn't even go to his flat and warn him off. As a result, I saw him out again. He just laughed at me. It was terrible.'
The stereotype of 'real rape' - attacker is a violent stranger, woman is a sober virgin - has had a devastating effect throughout a legal system meant to protect rape victims and help them to convict their attackers. Some police officers disbelieve women's stories, but research shows only 3 per cent of rape allegations are false.
Ann, 52, was raped by Antoni Imiela, convicted in March 2004 of seven brutal rapes and the indecent assault and attempted rape of a 10-year-old girl. 'If a woman wants to prosecute, she should be encouraged,' says Ann. 'Even if I had lost my case [she didn't], it was vitally important to me that I should have my day in court.'
The problem is that, if the Crown Prosecution Service doesn't want to pursue a rape case, there's nothing practical a victim can do about it, as Jill found. CPS lawyers will take a case to court only if they believe there is a 51 per cent chance of winning.
Prosecution lawyers, too, may have the 'real rape' stereotype in their heads. 'If the victim is a bit rough, was drunk and had a busy sex life, and the alleged rapist has a good job and looks respectable, they'll say the case hasn't a chance,' says Bindel. One CPS lawyer told me of a 16-year-old girl who had agreed to have sex with one man but was then raped by his friends: the CPS didn't take the case on because 'she'd had sex with the first one outside. She was the kind of girl who'd have sex in the bushes and that wouldn't have played well in court'. Which begs the questions: where else can 16-year-olds have sex? And why does having sex once mean you have to have it again when you don't want to?
Even if the CPS does go to court (in 2002, this happened in only 14 per cent of cases), the victim is often at a disadvantage. She is just a witness and rarely kept in the loop, sometimes not meeting her lawyer until the day of the case. The victim is thus unprepared for what is likely to be a very harrowing experience. In contrast, the defendant's barrister will have been thoroughly briefed and the accused will have been well prepared and rehearsed - and will know that, despite recent laws forbidding mention of the victim's sexual history, many judges let things slide in the courtroom.
'The barrister will use the victim's medical history to slip in the fact that she's had an abortion, or many sexual partners, and the judge doesn't notice, or doesn't care,' says Bindel.
Cross-examination is another problem: in a group-rape case the victim will be cross-examined by each defence lawyer for each defendant. Often, the prospect of reliving such trauma over and over again is too much for witnesses to bear, and sometimes they will simply pull out of the case. Can you blame them? Would you want to relive your rape just to watch your rapist walk free? Add up all the system failures, and those horrifying rape conviction rates seem almost understandable. And factor in the reality that most police authorities do not have access to a specialised rape investigation suite, where a female doctor can make an accurate forensic examination of victims in civilised surroundings, and the rates become inevitable.
So what is being done? The Government is well aware of the low conviction rates and is belatedly trying to remedy them. It is encouraging the creation of more Sexual Assault Referral Centres (SARCs) - a one-stop service for rape victims where, unlike at the existing Rape Crisis Centres, which offer a more emotional form of support, they can be forensically examined. The results are recorded and stored, and victims can be given the morning-after pill and other medical care if needed, and receive counselling.
At present, there are 13 such SARCs in England - three of which are in London (there are none in Wales and Scotland) - but if you are raped outside a SARC area, you'll have to fall back on whatever services your local police station provides.
What the Government has not yet managed to do is find the funds for a nationwide rape-crisis telephone service. One victim I spoke to was given a helpline number by a police officer. When she called it, the line was dead. Louise asked for counselling on the NHS; there was a year-long waiting list. Nor does the Government appear to have plans for a national awareness campaign to target potential attackers as well as victims. 'We need a campaign to train people to understand that rape is not just "real rape",' says Bindel. 'Until we do that, juries will always be working with outdated notions of how a victim should behave, and what a rapist is supposed to look like.'
In the United States, prosecutions for rape are far more successful than in the UK, says Bindel, who has worked with one of the US's special rape prosecutors. 'This prosecutor has achieved an 80 per cent conviction rate, simply because she's had proper training,' says Bindel. 'She knows everything: the difference between the physical trauma received by an 11-year-old rape victim and a 14-year-old one, how to interpret any psychiatric evidence, where a victim's statement is weak and likely to be attacked by a defence lawyer.'
Why aren't our UK prosecutors so rigorously trained? Following Home Office analysis of rape prosecutions in 2003, the CPS began appointing specialist rape prosecutors - 520 out of a total of 3,000 CPS lawyers - but these steps did not go nearly far enough, says Bindel. 'These lawyers were given a bit more training, but it's basic and low-level and nowhere near what they need to do the job sufficiently.'
If we want more rapists to be caught, tried and convicted, there needs to be a complete change throughout our national system. We need a 24-hour, nationwide, dedicated rape-victim phoneline, we need a SARC in every town, and we need a special rape police unit in every city.
We need fully trained and specialised rape prosecution lawyers and a national rape-awareness campaign. And we need rape victims to come forward, to acknowledge that they have been raped, and to be brave enough to make a statement and be examined as soon as possible.
'I'm telling my story because it might help other rape victims to deal with what's happened to them,' says Louise, who eventually got the counselling she needed and is now at university. 'Even if you're drunk and you go back to his house, it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You did not "ask for it".'
But Louise's attacker is still at large. And, until we overhaul our rape investigation and prosecution procedures, more and more rapists will continue to walk free - at liberty to strike again.
· A version of this article appears in the next issue of Glamour magazine, on sale from Thursday.
What to do if you are raped
Report the rape in person at a police station, Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) or the A&E department of a hospital.
Tell a friend or family member so they can accompany you. Take a change of clothes - you'll have to hand over what you're wearing.
Before you're examined, try not to go to the toilet or have a drink. Don't take a shower or wash.
Keep all evidence, such as condoms and tampons.
Try to tell as full a story as you can. Don't worry if you've taken drugs or are drunk - the police just want an accurate picture of what happened.
Ask if there are facilities for your statement to be taken on video - it can be used in court later instead of you having to go through the whole story again.
Try to get some counselling, either via a SARC, the NHS or privately; it will help you deal with what has happened.