In the aftermath of the recent Weinstein sexual harassment scandal, which was the last in mounting sex scandals in politics, journalism and popular media in the U.S., actress Alyssa Milano popularized the hashtag #metoo:
If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet. pic.twitter.com/k2oeCiUf9n
— Alyssa Milano (@Alyssa_Milano) October 15, 2017
The tweet quickly gained a lot of attention worldwide, and many women* (but also men and gender non-conforming individuals) followed Alyssa’s call to action. Some simply retweeted or updated their status on social media to #metoo, others shared what they had experienced.
The phenomenon was lauded, but also criticized. For one, Alyssa Milano was not the first person to suggest using the hashtag (in fact, it was the black feminist activist Tamara Burke, making this another instance of a white person taking credit or being given credit for something initiated by a Person of Color). Moreover, some feminists cautioned that survivors of sexualized violence and harrassment might feel pressured to out themselves. And finally, they pointed out that the #metoo hashtag seems to fall into the category of empty activism, i.e. activism that ends in words rather than immediate action.
My opinion on the matter is somewhat split. I do think it’s important to make the magnitude of the problem visible. I personally don’t know ANY woman* who hasn’t been the victim of some form of sexual harassment or sexualized violence, and I also know a fair share of non-binary people and men who have been victimized.
But I also believe that there is a certain danger of re-traumatization, and that this show of unity is ultimately pointless if it doesn’t lead to meaningful action. Here are some pointers detailing what that meaningful action can look like:
It might be a bit depressing to think about this topic with the start of the new semester, but I think it’s important to engage with these issues and to not ignore their prevalence at college campuses, especially within the student body. At the University of Hamburg, there is an institution that deals specifically with sexual harrassment and assault. If you ever need help, please do not hesitate to seek it out. There are also many anonymous offers available in and around Hamburg.
If a friend who has experienced sexual assault confides in you, throw your expectations of how they might be feeling and how they will react out the window and listen to what they have to say and what they need. There are many helpful lists online of what to do in the role of a confidente in these situations, which are terribly difficult to navigate for everyone involved. The most important things you can keep in mind are to believe them (and tell them so), validate their experience for what it was, listen to what they need and help them where you can, and be aware of your own boundaries. Bear in mind that who they choose to confide in depends entirely on them and that they might not be ready to accept your help. If they do choose to confide in you, however, your reaction and how you deal with that knowledge becomes vital. Never, ever pass along what happened to third parties without the victim’s/survivor’s explicit consent! Don’t pressure them into actions you think would be useful, instead offer information (e.g. a range of phone numbers for different insitutions that might be able to offer help) and let them decide what they want to do for themselves. Support whatever decision they make.
If you can, donate money to organizations that support victims and survivors of sexual violence and consent training. If you are in a position of power due to your social standing, make the environment you work and live in as non-toxic as possible. Support institutions that promote safe spaces, and withdraw your support from those that do not.
If you are a straight cis-man, self-evaluate and call other men out for sexist behavior whenever you notice it. Don’t feel attacked or offended when you are called out for occasional sexist behavior yourself, try and view it as a form of constructive criticism (sexism is so deeply embedded in our society that it’s difficult to pinpoint at times, particularly when you are part of the dominant culture). Realize that it matters most what women* perceive to be sexist, so if you can tell that women* feel uncomfortable around certain types of behaviour, react accordingly. Make 100% sure that your advances are wanted in any given situation. I know that the media we consume and Hollywood in particular sometimes gives a very skewed view of what it is women* (and men*) “want”, so here is a video that shows you how certain narratives encourage toxic masculinity which in turn leads to the exploitation of women* (please watch the entire video, there is build-up for some of the points made):
If you are a survivor or victim of sexualized violence: it is not your fault. You might not believe that right now, but I promise you that it isn’t. Practice self-care. Acknowledge that being a survivor or victim of sexualized violence doesn’t exclude you from engaging in sexist behaviors or harassment yourself (you might have even internally normalized certain types of problematic behaviors).
Maybe, if we can channel this latest public outcry into meaningful action, we can change the way society collectively exploits and devalues women*.