Recap: Seema accompanies Carrie to her old SATC apartment and is all 'the hell?' as she watches Carrie use her umbrella as a cane to aid with her hobbling up the staircase. Carrie explains that, according to the Internet, she suffers from old lady back [no doubt to match her severe old lady hair braid hairdo] ... and Seema rolls her eyes and asks, "But what does your orthopedist say?", then promptly makes a call to her orthopedist cousin to squeeze in an appointment for Carrie that afternoon.
After taking various x-rays, Dr. Vikash Patel informs Carrie that she has an undiagnosed congenital birth defect on her hip, and that he can correct the problem surgically and get her back on her feet in a few months.
Over lunch with Miranda, Charlotte, and Anthony, Carrie reports that since she has a birth defect on her hip, she's technically not an old lady after all - but Charlotte argues that any kind of hip surgery is, by default, an old lady thing. Anthony quips about Carrie's good fortune in finding an archeologist who's willing to carve her open and properly re-connect her fossils...and as Carrie giggles in response, Miranda exclaims, "This calls for champagne!" Charlotte's all, "Nooo!" and primly says it's much too early to start boozing, then takes out her iPad so she can show everyone the Excel spreadsheet she created to track their rotating shifts in order to collectively nurse Carrie back to health after her hip surgery.
Charlotte is in the kitchen on a Zoom call with the other moms, discussing an upcoming field trip, when one of the moms mentions how funny Rock was in the school play...and Charlotte's all, "Wuh? Who the hell's Rock?" as the other moms are all, "Ack!" and hastily sign off. A few seconds later, Lisa calls Charlotte to explain that Rose has told everyone at school she's now going by Rock...and has no further details about the sudden name change.
Charlotte marches into the living room, where Harry and the girls are playing a video game. She comes right out and asks Rose if she suddenly changed her name to Rock, and Rose/Rock confirms she did, and that the official announcement was issued on one of her recent TikTok videos. She pulls up the video on her phone and hands it to Harry, so that he and Charlotte can watch Rock rap about being "the new kid on the block" and then needlessly spell out the word R-O-C-K. A befuddled Harry's all, "Wha-a-at is happening?" and asks his daughter if she's a rapper now, and Rose/Rock explains that these days she's feeling way more Rock than Rose, and that even the teachers are cool with the new name...and what might soon become a permanent non-binary gender status.
Luisa ambles into the living room while Miranda is opening a pile of newly arrived Amazon packages...and finds socks and Astroglide lubricant in one of them. Luisa sheepishly takes the socks and Astroglide says she meant to intercept that particular package, then gushes to Miranda about how cool she is about receiving her son's girlfriends' vaginal lubricant in the mail - unlike her mother, who would have choked her to death with her rosary [but yet is somehow OK with her daughter sleeping at her boyfriend's house every night]. Miranda opens another Amazon package, which contains a stop drinking now! book titled Quit Like a Woman. When Luisa gets nosy about what book she ordered, a visibly rattled Miranda insists that the book was mistakenly delivered, 'cause she doesn't yet think that addressing her daily drinking habit is something with which she needs to concern herself.
Carrie arrives at the speciality surgical center with Miranda, who complains that Charlotte - who's the likeliest culprit on account of her judgeyness about binge drinking - cheekily sent her the stop drinking now! book without first talking to her about it. Carrie comes right out and asks her if she thinks she needs to "quit like a woman", and Miranda retorts with an emphatic no, then wanders off to go buy herself a cup of coffee.
While sitting by Carrie's bedside following the surgery, Charlotte asks Miranda if she ever wished she weren't a girl, then explains that she's going through some gender identity issues with Rose. A few seconds later, Carrie wakes up and announces that she has to pee, so the two help her out of bed...and as Charlotte helps her shuffle over to the toilet, Miranda answers Carrie's phone when it starts ringing and visibly perks up when the caller is Che, who dropped by with some food for Carrie. She invites Che, who's in the hospital lobby, to come right up to Carrie's room - but Carrie vetos the dinner drop-off and makes it clear that she's not in the mood to see anyone other than the two of them and instructs her to "please make that Che visit not happen".
Miranda heads down to the lobby to head Che off, and the two end up eating the dinner food in the cafeteria. Che natters about how much healthier they are after (years ago) being diagnosed with diverticulitis - which, incidentally, her father assumed was another term for bisexuality - and adds that Cheryl used to hold everything in and was consumed with unhappiness and shame to the point where she was emotionally and literally constipated. Che, on the other hand, lets it all out by living and speaking their whole truth every minute of every day. An entranced looking Miranda chews on that for a few seconds and says she used to feel trapped working at a law firm, then freed herself by quitting 'cause she figured 'life's too short'.
Anthony transports Carrie home via his Hot Fellas bread delivery van, and orders one of his muscular deliverers to carry her up the stairs and deposit her inside her apartment.
Later, Carrie podcasts with Che and Jackie from her apartment while looped on painkillers, and is gabbling in blechy detail about the time Samantha Jones reached into her cooch and pulled out her stuck diaphragm. After signing off, she tells Charlotte she finally feels like she's getting the hang of being a raunch podcaster...and a bewildered looking Charlotte asks her if she fully realizes she identified Samantha by her first and last name as she regaled listeners with her 'I once got my diaphragm stuck in my cooch' story, and advises her to come clean to Samantha before she hears about it from someone else.
Harry and Charlotte are meeting with Rose's teacher and the school principal about their daughter's name change to Rock. Charlotte makes it clear that she's not resistant to her daughter's gender identity issues, but wants to know how seriously she should be taking this. The principal responds by insisting that she's extremely committed to providing a supportive environment for all genders, that they're all on this journey together, and that Rock has been very clear about their new non-binary status. After the meeting, Harry and Charlotte look grim as they walk down the hall towards the exit. Harry says he's not sure he buys his twelve year old's sudden name/gender change...then sadly adds that having other people tell him about his child has, so far, been his most humbling experience as a father.
Miranda is babysitting a napping Carrie when Che drops by Carrie's apartment with a bottle of tequila and a more professional microphone to use while podcasting from home. Miranda invites them in, and the two hang out in the kitchen, giggling while throwing back tequila shots...and soon the giggling devolves into Che once again sensually shotgunning Miranda's face with pot smoke. Carrie, meanwhile, wakes up with an urgent need to pee - just as Che starts finger banging Miranda with one hand while covering her mouth with the other so that Miranda doesn't loudly shriek out her orgasm. Carrie sees the two going at it through a reflection in her full length mirror, then gasps in horror and dramatically turns her face away. She then glances over at the Snapple bottle on her nightstand and decides to use that as a makeshift bedpan - just as Che finishes off Miranda, who breathlessly declares that that climax was the best feeling she's ever had in her life. A flustered Carrie accidentally knocks over the pee-filled Snapple bottle and soaks the bedsheets with her urine as Che tells Miranda she's off to perform their non-binary-centric comedy schtick. They give Miranda a long smooch and invite her to DM if she ever wants to "chill" like that again.
Miranda enters the bathroom...and as she sits on the toilet, a vexed Carrie snaps at her to close the door. Miranda's all, "I didn't know you were awake!", to which Carrie snidely retorts that she was woken up by her friend having sex in her kitchen with her podcast boss...and that she spilled pee all over her bed 'cause there was no one to help her hobble over to the bathroom so she could relieve herself. A flushed Miranda apologizes and sheepishly says she had no idea she was awake, and Carrie angrily asks her whassup with a married woman such as herself doing tequila shots in the middle of the afternoon while getting finger banged by Che. Miranda blurts out, "I'm unhappy!", calls herself trapped, and declares that she haaaaaates her marriage. She then bursts into tears and says wants something more out of life than being married to a half-deaf dullard like Steve, admits that she probably does drink [way way way] too much - but then insists that she could quit like that if she really believed she had a problem - and that she's never felt as orgasmic as she did with Che just now.
Carrie sends Samantha a text to let her know she blabbed to her podcast listeners about the time she pulled out her stuck diaphragm and hopes it's OK, and Samantha texts back "One of my finest hours". Carrie texts back, "I miss you" but gets no further reply.
Miranda is in her kitchen, making herself a cocktail while gigglingly listening to Carrie's podcast, when she gets an email message from Amazon, asking her how she liked her recent purchase of Quit Like a Woman. She stares anxiously into space, decides that maybe she does have a full blown binge drinking issue after all, and hastily dumps all of the booze in her house down the sink.
While sitting in the waiting room of Carrie's new physical therapist, Charlotte tells Carrie about The Rock Situation and that she's worried she might be under-reacting. She wonders if her daughter's name change is similar to when she was twelve and gave into peer pressure by getting a perm, and admits that she really hates having to call Rose Rock. Carrie assures her that her daughter is amaaaaaazing regardless of what happens with their gender identity, then points out that "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet". A few seconds later, Carrie is summoned to begin her physical therapy session with Travis, a ridiculously hot physiotherapist.
Travis asks Carrie what her physical therapy goals are, and she says she just has one: to get back to wearing heels. Travis mulls over that skimpy answer and says he'll get started with a lower body massage. Mmm...sounds heavenly.
After the appointment, Carrie tells the receptionist she'd like to book another session with Travis, but the receptionist informs her that her insurance plan doesn't cover physical therapy with a guy at that level of hotness, and that her appointment with Travis was a clerical error no one caught until afterwards. She then introduces Carrie to Emmett, a far less hot, disheveled physical therapist...and Carrie's like, "Nope" and tells the receptionist that she's willing to pay out of pocket for more Travis.
Three months later, Carrie is flouncing around her apartment wearing a long glittery dress and a pair of stilettos on her feet, looking smugly thrilled to finally be back in heels.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!