ring will often lead to guilt or arrogance.
Learning from Masters of Resilience
You may wonder about the 12th belief, namely, “I’m able to deal with the impossible.” Let me share an example or two. Most of our character and personality are formed in the first five years of life, making parenting the most important job on earth. If you frequently saw or experienced a parent falling into the pit of victimhood, feeling overwhelmed by stress, that is what you will have picked up, both through osmosis and direct teaching by your parents.
Vinny is a friend of mine who shared a childhood story I’ll never forget. Vinny, his brother, and dad were doing some heavy lifting, related to construction work. Vinny was in his late teens at the time. His dad asked Vinny and his brothers to move a rather large boulder (more than 500 pounds) out of the way. The boys were unable to move the rock at all. Vinny’s dad gave the boys a bit of a crusty look, and said, “I’ll take care of it.” His dad walked over, yanked the huge stone off the ground, picked it up in his arms and carried it off. Vinny was stunned at that impossible feat, but his dad didn’t relate to the word “impossible.” There were a few other amazing feats Vinny saw his dad accomplish. His dad was truly nonchalant. He felt he didn’t have time for the boys not to get the job done, and he wanted to just help out and “do it.” Vinny grew up to be a successful businessman, starting small, and then expanding his successes in all arenas of life. As I’ve watched how he handles life’s challenges and stresses, I often think of that big stone. His dad had conveyed the message to Vinny, “Anything is possible…even if it looks impossible.” So, Vinny’s parenting provided a terrific level of lifelong resilience.
Christopher Reeves is another example of enormous resilience, surviving a horse accident that left him paralyzed, unable to move, and only able to breathe with the help of a machine. Nobody expected the enormous progress that Reeves made in life. While having a lot of money to fund every aspect of his recovery was a big help, it was not the determining factor. He had played Superman, and that identity suited Reeves. He did accomplish the impossible — through great resilience, an unstoppable will, the support of his wife (in particular), and the ability to reach out anywhere for assistance. Reeves was able to let go of a major part of his life and personality. He’d been an athlete. After the accident, he could not walk, talk, move, or breathe. But he maintained the core essence of his identity. I think that his wife’s love and support was a huge part of his success.
Who in your life reminds you of Vinny or Christopher? If you have a role model, simply by thinking about and visualizing that person, you begin to bring their resilience into your life. If you cannot think of anybody, look for a role model who is a fictional character in a book or movie. If you’ve never seen someone handle stress easily and gracefully, you will find it difficult to summon up an image of resilience. Whether, at this moment in time, you are resilient or not, you do have the inner resources to survive and thrive anything life sends you.
Lessons from War
A strong sense of purpose and meaning in life makes you a resilient person. If life is meaningful, then you perceive life’s stresses as events that you can grow from . . . or shrink from. The issue of meaning and resilience was illustrated in an amazing way through the writings of holocaust survivor, Dr. Victor Frankl, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and author of “Man’s Search for Meaning.” Frankl was trained in the early years of psychoanalysis. He was a survivor of 4 concentration camps including Auschwitz in which he saw how some people had incredible resilience, and others lost their will rather quickly. Frankl observed that one particular, tight-knit religious group did very well. I’m not positive of the particular religious group but it was one that mainstream psychiatry (and society) might consider “religious fanatics.” The power of their shared religious belie