anxiety, and hostility, along with increased rates of dying from heart disease, cancer, and every other cause of death studied. Social isolation is on par with high blood pressure, obesity, lack of exercise, and smoking as a risk factor for illness and early death.
Why? John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago has shown that being lonely triggers cellular changes in the body that make the immune system less able to protect vital organs.
The first thing God says about human beings in the Bible, after creating Adam, is “It’s not right for humans to be alone.” Hebrew Scripture got there 3,000 years before modern science. From Eve’s risky reach for knowledge to the unbearable pain of losing a child at the hand of another, the first couple are constantly wrestling with loneliness.
God clearly wants them to find refuge in each other. The aching question: Can they find a way?
2. The Need for Autonomy.
Another pillar of psychology is that being emotionally healthy requires a high degree of self-directedness. Edward Deci, of the University of Rochester and the founder of this line of thinking, told me that hundreds of studies across culture, gender and age have shown that people prefer being motivated from within and need to feel autonomous.
This, too, is a major theme of Adam and Eve. The two begin life crazy for each other. Eve is “the one,” Adam enthuses. But Eve craves independence, wanders off and eats the fruit. Since the text says she gains knowledge with this act, Deci thinks she’s seeking more meaning. “For Eve, eating the fruit appears to be an autonomous choice.”
The same applies to Adam, who given the option to eat, chooses companionship over duty. “He makes the autonomous decision to be with Eve,” Deci said.
Only when Adam and Eve face death alone can they face life together. “Learning to be oneself,” wrote Thomas Merton, “means learning to die in order to live.” Only when they fall from grace can they fully fall in love with each other.
3. The Importance of Co-Narration.
The great Swiss child psychologist Piaget coined the phrase “collective monologue” to describe how preschoolers play, meaning they gather together but talk only to themselves. Love is the opposite of this. It’s “collective dialogue.” Two voices construct a shared story.
Creating this shared story — what psychologists call “co-narration” — is the last great quality of romantic love, and the one Adam and Eve are most responsible for introducing. From the moment God divides them in two, they alone are responsible for writing their own narrative. Theirs is the first joint byline.
This need to author your own intermingled experience is the final lesson from the oldest couple: Love is a story we tell with another person. It’s co-creation through co-narration.
And it’s a reminder that sometimes the timeliest wisdom comes from timeless sources. Adam and Eve are the first love story. The story we need today.