TORONTO, CANADA – The Ebola vaccine created by a Canadian company has entered the final phase of it’s development, the autism testing stage. If the vaccine successfully passes, it will be manufactured and made available to the public.
“We are very excited about this” said researcher Dr. David Talb. “If we can get the Public Health Agency of Canada, the CDC and the Illuminati to sign off on this, we could really make a difference in a lot of peoples lives.”
The autism testing stage is arguably the hardest stage for any vaccine to get through, as the vaccine must not cause autism in at least 60% of test subjects.
“Anything above a 40% autism ratio is simply not acceptable” said CDC spokesman Dr. Dan Hawthorne. “That may seem strict, but this is very important. Most of our vaccines are very safe, only causing autism in around 25%-30% of the vaccine recipients. We want to maintain that level of safety for the Ebola vaccine as well.”
Many anti-vaccine zealots are not happy with these figures, arguing that the autism risk from vaccines should be 0%. Big Pharma controlled scientists (that is all scientists who are not anti-vaccine) argue that 0% is simply not possible.
“To make a vaccine that has a 0% autism risk is next to impossible” said Merck’s Dr. Randy Fangh. “I mean to do something like that we would have to take out all the mercury, aluminum, formaldehyde, aborted fetal cells, anti-freeze, and all the other neurotoxins. That would be way too expensive.”
The company will announce whether the new Ebola vaccine was under the autism threshold later this month.