due us as parents and caretakers and the simple respect that is due every human being.
One of the surest ways to help our children turn their moral reasoning into positive moral behavior is to teach by example. Teaching kids respect by respecting them is certainly one way to teach by example. But teaching by example goes beyond how we treat our children. It has to do with how we treat others as adults, how we treat and talk about others outside the family. It has to do with how we lead our lives. Think back to how your own parents influenced your moral development by the examples they set. We teach respect for all persons by the examples we set. Nothing else is more indelibly etched in our childrens' minds.
Even though it is extremely important to teach by example, it is not enough. Children are surrounded by bad examples. They need our words as well as our actions. They need to see us leading good lives, but they also need to know why we do it. For our example to have maximum impact, they need to know the values and beliefs that lie behind it.
Children's books can be helpful in illustrating values. Moving stories that are told through television shows or movies can also open the conversation with children about morality. Worship, study, and celebration of your religious faith together as a family also can promote moral development.
It is not enough to set a good example and tell children what we think, important as those things are. We also have to teach them to think for themselves. One father describes how his parents did that: "Whenever I did something wrong, my parents didn't just demand that I stop my behavior. Instead, they almost always asked, 'How would you feel if someone did that to you?' That gave me a chance to reflect on whatever I did and how I'd like to have it done to me."
There are two very important moral lessons here. First, take the time to think. Second, put yourself in the other person's shoes. Neither of those things comes naturally to children. We can help their moral development by giving them constant encouragement to stop and think and to take the viewpoint of others into consideration. Children who think about and discuss moral issues make better headway through the stages of moral reasoning than children who don't.
Have your children complete chores and jobs around the house, take responsibility for their own homework, or take care of a younger sister or brother, an ill family member, or animals. Volunteering, service projects, and giving to a charity provide an opportunity to give of self through responsible action.
Children need limits with independence, roots, and wings. Finding the balance can be tricky. Too much parental control can lead children to rebel and make poor choices just to get some freedom. Too much freedom leads to children feeling overwhelmed - having too much power before they are ready for it. With an overabundance of freedom, children may get the idea that parents don't really care what they do or what kind of person they become.
Parental love helps a child take in parental values and rules. Parents who spend quality and quantity time with their children as well as love them abundantly have children who have higher levels of moral development.
Helping children grow morally and making good families are really the same thing. When you're doing one, you'll be doing the other.
A close family gives children people to identify with, examples to learn from, values and traditions to uphold, and a support system to turn to in times of need. When children feel connected to the family, they've got a rudder that helps them hold to a course of responsible conduct in the face of pressure from peers.
Raising Good Children, by Thomas Lickona, Bantam Books, 1983.
For more information, visit the Human Development and Family Life website at: http://www.hec.ohio-state.edu/famlife/
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