How Do Bullies Become Bullies?
Bullying is best defined as a form of abuse, be it emotional, verbal or physical. It involves repeated and increasingly aggressive or manipulative behavior that is intentionally directed toward asserting power over another individual or group. When we think of bullying, we often think of the playground or high school, but bullying among adults is also shockingly common. For example, 49% of U.S. employees have either been the target of bullying or witnessed it in their work lives. What’s more, bullying has dire consequences, with the targets of bullying at increased risk for depression, anxiety and stress-related maladies.
Previously, we reviewed the two types of bullies that you or someone you care about, such as your girlfriend or kid, will most likely encounter. Here, we return to this topic for an in-depth exploration of the factors that create and maintain a bully. So, read on to figure out what’s going on inside the head of the bully in your life and what exactly you can do to put an end to the bully’s behavior.
What makes a bully?Self-esteem problems
Although it is a popularly held belief that bullies suffer from low self-esteem and are acting out in order to compensate, some research suggests that these individuals actually have high self-esteem. Rather than having a healthy level of positive self-regard, however, bullies have pathologically high self-esteem that is also unstable (Baumeister, 2001). When a bully feels that they have been emotionally or psychologically slighted or insulted in some way, this ego threat provokes extremely negative feelings that they are unable to tolerate. The result is that they lash out defensively in anger in order to preserve the image they have of themselves as in control, powerful and superior to others.
Studies of adult bullying provide converging evidence that bullies tend to have certain personality traits in common, including authoritarianism, a strong need for control and a desire to dominate. Other research has suggested a small but consistent relationship between bullying and narcissistic personality disorder, which is characterized by a perception of oneself as a special, elite person deserving VIP treatment, a lack of empathy toward others and a tendency to be exploitative.
Bullies may possess additional troublesome characteristics found in other personality disorders including superficial charm, insincerity, a propensity to manipulate, rigidity, stubbornness, dictatorialness, and obsessive-compulsive leanings. Finally, extremely dangerous bullies have much in common with psychopaths, in that they feel little to no remorse over their actions. While all of these personality problems may have a genetic component, they frequently have roots in a disturbed childhood in which emotional needs went unfulfilled.
Anger management difficulties
Bullies have thought processes and emotional reactions that differ markedly from those of other people. They are inclined to view their interpersonal world rather negatively, often misinterpreting other people’s behavior toward them as being hostile. This distorted perception of reality makes it extremely difficult for them to enter into healthy relationships with others and leads to deficits in social functioning. Emotionally speaking, bullies have a short fuse, becoming aggressively angry quicker than most people. Trouble with managing emotions may stem from a variety of factors, including physiological differences and improper socializing as a child, when their aggression went unchecked.
We have advice on how to deal with these bad eggs next...