Among Maria Montessori’s many works was a book called Education and Peace, which points out some of the underlying subtleties of the Montessori method. Foremost in classroom discipline is the maintenance of the individual’s right to work in a peaceful environment. Social values are emphasized with grace and courtesy lessons which are interwoven into activities in every class from, “Would you care for a carrot?” to “May I watch you work?” and “Welcome to our class. Would you like some tea?” The children are supplied with appropriate words and options to use instead of expressing their feelings by grabbing, hitting or pushing. The teacher remains removed from interactions as much as possible to allow the children to solve problems on their own, but is always ready to step in when needed.
In Biology one of the first things we talk about are the characteristics of living things which include being sensitive and having feelings. We emphasize that each child’s work is important in its own right, and encourage artwork that does not all look the same. When playing we avoid games where there are winners and losers, or good guys and bad guys. Games are played for the enjoyment and cooperation of all.
When entering the Elementary class the children have a sense of confidence in themselves and respect for all others, including the plants, animals, children and adults they work harmoniously with each day. Their awareness of the world is expanding by leaps and bounds and though they are no longer as self-centered as they were at two, they still need guidance with increasingly complex relationships. The Early Childhood “circle time” is replaced by the Elementary “class meeting” where problems and concerns are discussed with little or no assistance from an adult. The Elementary child is given increasingly more control of the daily routine, class rules and his own academic and social progress.
Dr. Montessori’s idea was to encourage individual growth, self-esteem, and communication skills and to eliminate violence and competition. If children can learn to work out problems with words and to value themselves without being judged by others, they may grow into adults who will have no need for wars.
Weeding out the tendency toward violence comes down to the smallest things we do in our lives every day. War toys are an obvious problem. One theory is that children need to work out their fascination with these objects, so why not let them play with toy guns before they can get their hands on real ones? Another theory is that if we forbid our children to use offensive language, then why can’t we forbid offensive toys? We have found that children want to know the mechanics and physics involved in shooting but can do so very well with water pumps, squirt guns, bubble or Nerf guns.
Other suggestions for working toward a more peaceful childhood
Try rearranging game rules so that everybody wins and nobody loses.
Screen television shows and movies to cut out as many of the violent, good guys vs. bad guys, formats as possible. Talk about these shows. Are the evil characters real? How could the problems be solved in more peaceful ways? How much TV does your child need to watch, anyway? Duna and Bruce’s family lived happily without TV for almost 20 years. The children enjoyed renting videos on weekends, and the rest of the time found plenty to do.
Monitor your choice of words at home. Instead of “Who can be first to brush their teeth?”, how about “Who can brush their teeth before I count to 50?” Then count slowly so even the youngest is done by 49 9/10ths.
Be a good role model. If you spank your children, how can they understand that it is not necessary to hit? If you yell or shame them they may very well do the same to their own children one day. Many times negative behavior will disappear with lots of positive reinforcement and loving physical contact. When a 4-year-old is acting out for attention, try holding him while reading a good long book or watching a movie. Even adolescents still need lots of hugs and reminders of how much we love them. If you n