 often stay up way too late in order to catch up with their friends.
All this adds up to a great deal of stress and no time to relax and rest. The result; stressed out girls are irritable.
What parents can do
- Have your home environment be a sanctuary instead of a pressure cooker.
- Create space for downtime and relaxation. Dr. Michael Rich of Harvard Medical School said that “downtime is to the brain what sleep is to the body.” Downtime is a pressure-free zone and is very important for your teen’s well being.
- Allow time for play. This could be anything from hanging out with the dog, making cookies, or watching light-hearted YouTube videos with your daughter. Dr. Stuart Brown is the founder of the National Institute of Play and the author of Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul states that, “The opposite of play is not work, it’s depression.”
3. Feelings of worthlessness
The world of teens is far from stable and many times is harsh and judgmental. Most of your daughter’s energy is directed towards finding her BFF, boyfriend, and her group. She also needs a place to belong, in or out of school–whether it is as part of a soccer team or band, tennis club or art lessons–a place where she feels like she belongs. This sense of belonging is essential to your daughter’s well-being.
This feeling of belonging is challenging for adults, and can be vicious for teenage girls. Girls can be mean, critical, self-centered, flaky, judgmental, and unforgiving. Being ridiculed by her peers will damage your daughter’s self-esteem. School can feel like a battle zone.
When your daughter doesn’t have a safe place to belong she can experience feelings of worthlessness because she has been rejected by her best friend, excluded by her “friends” on the weekend, or has been a target of cyber bullying or slut-shaming.
What parents can do
- Show unconditional love and belonging at home. She needs to know that she is worthy of love and belonging. She learns this by experiencing your acceptance and unconditional love.
- Listen and validate her feelings. Help her name the difficult emotions. Find out what really is going on. Be compassionate. She needs to feel you understand and care.
- Facilitate teenage “play dates.” This is especially true of shy or introverted girls, who need to connect to one or a few girls before they are comfortable with a large group. One solution to this is to invite one of the girls over to the house.
- Find positive places for your daughter to belong. This can happen by helping your daughter find activities that will develop her skill. This is an easy way to find like-minded teens.
Normal teenage girls are going to experience the more difficult feelings like sadness, rejection, disappointment, or shame. These feelings can fluctuate throughout the day, but they can also experience the positive feelings. The sad feelings don’t interfere with their activities, schoolwork, or friendships. This is not depression. Depression persists over a long period of time and interferes with their friends, and functioning at home and school. If you are concerned your daughter is depressed and may harm herself, get professional help. Even if you see signs that she is depressed, like she is falling behind in school, not able to sleep, and is isolating from her friends contact a mental health professional and get her support.