ill knock me out or break my neck. I feel so terrorised and I feel I have no choice but to do what he tells me. There is no such thing as choice in terms of doing anything other than he tells me. It is far more dangerous if you don't do as you are told. He hates women and the vile and disturbing violence which he spouts about what b women are and what he will do to me if I do not listen to him or do what I am told is just unbelievable. For years I could just not literally move, I would be so terrorised. He had to control absolutely everything, the number of times I had his fist in my face because he said I was looking at him the wrong way or because he said I was looking at him at all. I wet the bed for years and years. The humiliation is great and awful. I can honestly say I did not know what was happening to me for years and years. I was always so afraid, he would always tell me he was watching me and would 'get' me or 'come after me' if I did not do as he told me. I don't know if other women have felt the same way but when you are around someone who is so violent it is better to do whatever they say so that they do not hurt you more. My father loved to humiliate me, he was and still is the greatest joker going. He thinks he is so funny. He loves the fact he makes me so scared. The verbal abuse of what a b I am, how thick I am, what a f eejit I am. His snarl and violence is so extreme. No one in my family will do anything as they are all too scared to him. I have tried to stand up to him but I ended up being more beaten. A man who is nearly six foot, when his fist beats you it is like being hit by a brick. My head would literally spin around and I would feel physically sick. I would not know what was happening to me half the time. I just saw this post and thought I would write of my own experience. How do abused women get better? Where can I go to get help for myself? If he knew I had spoken to anyone about what was happening to me he would kill me.|
|AB Posted: 19/06/2008 14:23|
|SS - your father is a dangerous violent control freak and frankly psychopathic - becuase his behaviour is in fact symptomatic of a psychological disorder of an extremely serious nature. One you are not responsible for just as you are not responsible for the horrific violence he inflicts on you. Wetting the bed is a sure sign of how horrifically distressed you are by his horrific emotional and physical abuse and no one should have to suffer this. In fact if your father treated an animal like this he would face criminal charges. You don't say what age you are or if you have any support from other family members (possibly not if they are in the grip of his fear too) but the law is there to protect you from this. If you are an adult, then report him to the guards on grounds of vicious assault, grevious bodily harm at the least and make it known that you are literally afraid for your life. They can apply to the courts for a protction order. If you can leave and stay with someone else - do so for your own sake. If you are betwen 16 and 18, (a minor) you can legally leave if you wish. Go to your local hospital also and present for treatment of any injuries and tell them exactly what happened and who is responsible - if you are under 18 they are duty bound to inform the guards and a social worker - who can intervene to either provide a care place for you or have him removed from the home if another adult is present. If you are under 18, you can also contact childline who can provide more advice but you do not have to put up with the violent and criminal behaviour of someone who is frankly, a sick monster. You might want to contact womens aid (who may have shelters and refuges) and the samaritans as well - I believe they now have an email address. Seek help and do it today. When he no longer has a hold on you, you may want to consider counselling. There are two excellent books which may help as well. One is Toxic Parents - by Susan Forward The other is called 'For your own good' by Alice Miller. Do post again if you think there's any other advice or h