ly, anxiety relates to a increased sense of personal death awareness – the awareness of one’s own mortality is heightened by the death of a loved one. C.S. Lewis (1961), after losing his wife said, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing”.
- Loneliness is experienced by those who have lost a loved and who were used to close day-to-day interactions. Social support can help with social loneliness but it does not mitigate against emotional loneliness due to a broken attachment.
- Fatigue can sometimes be experienced as apathy or listlessness. Fatigue is usually self-limiting.
- Helplessness is often a surprising emotion experienced by the survivor early on in the grieving process.
- Shock usually occurs in the case of a sudden death.
- Yearning for the lost person is what the British call “pining” and is a normal response to loss. When it diminishes, it may be a sign that grieving is coming to an end.
- A surprising emotion often experienced after the death of a loved one is relief, particularly if the loved one suffered a lengthy or particularly painful illness. The knowing that their suffering, both physical and mental, is over can often help the survivor cope.
- Numbness or a “lack of feelings” is also a normal response to grief. This is usually experienced early on in the grieving process, usually right after the person learns of the death. It probably occurs because there are so many feelings to deal with that to allow them all into consciousness would be too overwhelming, so the person experiences numbness as a protection from this flood of emotions. It is during this time that the survivors are usually making final arrangements and taking care of unfinished business so the “lack of feelings” can serve the person grieving in a positive manner.
“Happiness is gone out of our lives; grief has taken the place of our dances.” Lamentations 5
Just as there are common feelings experienced by people who have lost a loved one, there are also commonly reported physical sensations:
- Tightness in the chest
- Tightness in the throat
- Hollowness in the stomach
- Oversensitivity to noise
- A sense of depersonalization: “I walk down the street and nothing seems real”
- Breathlessness, feeling short of breath
- Weakness in the muscles
- Lack of energy
- Dry mouth
While these feeling and physical sensations are common symptoms of grief, if they continue over a sustained period of time, it may be time to seek help. Contact Anchored Hope Counseling today.
Lewis, C. S. (1961). A grief observed. London: Faber & Faber