elp I can offer and do seek help.|
|JoJo8577 Posted: 23/01/2009 02:57|
For years my mother has refused to believe my father sexually abused me and my little brother. I tried to tell people but they told me I must have egged him on in some way and that I had twisted him and that was why he molested my brother after me. I eventually got away to relatives in England and my brother followed later.
To this day I still dislike men but in my teens found myself sleeping around, now I sometimes have sex with men I don't like coz I don't know how else to relate to them.
I have a baby girl and have never allowed any man near her and will never. Men are all monsters
|Dorothee Posted: 13/02/2009 16:41|
A recent billboard poster of the campaign against domestic violence showed a clear bias against men. It showed fallen chairs and had the caption: "He hit her again in front of the children." Yes, it is true that the majority of perpetrators are men, but as in every area of conflict it needs two to make a quarrel. Many women believe that women are not capable of violence by nature - but they forget verbal abuse, ridicule and mental cruelty. Having been witness to a number of domestic scenes where women ridiculed their partners in the presence of friends, I really admired the men's restraint. I can give evidence to some arguments in which women were clearly the aggressors. Many men simply don't have the same verbal ammunition at their disposal and resort to physical violence to stop futher aggression.
Only when the whole dynamic of a conflict that leads to violence is investigated, real peaceful solutions can be found. As long as women show their disappointment in their husbands by resentment and ridicule they tip the balance to aggression - and they should become aware of their role.
Learning how best to relate is what both partners need to improve.
|Anonymous Posted: 16/02/2009 09:31|
Dorethee, you say that in as in every area of conflict it needs two to make a quarrel but you forget that there is NO reason or justification for domestic violence - AT ALL. This is one area where the abuser lashes out and all it takes is the abuser to make the quarrel and the cause the violence as their victim is not to blame. As for admiring a mans restraint - what would you have expected him to do. In ANY instance where an adult lashes out, except in cases of self defence - there is NO justification for it. The idea of a man resorting to physical violence and using the excuse that it's to prevent verbal aggression is nothing short of PATHETIC. The correct and only response is to WALK AWAY. As for blaming the victims attitude (resentment and ridicule) for the violent actions of another - for which there is NEVER justification, frankly this is nothing short of sick and akin to blaming rape victims for their aggressors actions. It is precisely this type of attitude that excuses violence. Learnign to relate to your partner is very important but why should any woman or man have to relate to an abuser? The only relating required there is a barring order IMO
|Lou Posted: 16/02/2009 11:23|
"I really admired the men's restraint" - what are you sayin Dorothee? That these men are to be commended for resisiting the urge to hit their wives? That wives who are beaten somehow "ask for it" because they might nag their partners? Get real.
|Lou Posted: 16/02/2009 11:25|
"As long as women show their disappointment in their husbands by resentment and ridicule they tip the balance to aggression - and they should become aware of their role." - I nearly dont believe this woman!
|Patricia Posted: 16/02/2009 21:13|
Abuse of any kind is NOT to be tolerated, and that includes not just physical violence, (which is always the most evident, so to speak), but emotional and mental, and verbal, abuse.
There is absolutely NO excuse for striking another person, or for demeaning, verbally abusing, psychologically abusing (in fact the latter leaves scars which never heal).
Episodes of aggressive outbursts resulting in either destruction of property or physical assaults on others. Typicall