ain responsible for paying attention, rational thought, logic, planning, positive thinking, and decision making gets overshadowed. Moreover, brain science has shown that if the part of the brain responsible for alarm response is always being stimulated (as occurs in the context of stress) this actually inhibits the development of the prefrontal cortex. By engaging in short mindful parenting practices we can calm this alarm or stress response and help the prefrontal cortex – the decision maker and planner, become stronger.
How can mindfulness be so effective in such an overarching way?
By practicing being focused in the present moment, without being distracted by what happened earlier or by what is to happen next, you allow yourself to be open to what comes.
A key to this is the aspect of bring present with a nonjudgmental attitude. This is pivotal because it refers to being an observer in your own life. That is, watching what is happening to you in a given moment. By OBSERVING not acting, you give yourself SPACE and TIME to act mindfully and you do so without imposing judgments. For example, take this situation which is common to many parents:
Your children are fighting and yelling at one another after you come home from work with a massive headache. You in a moment of frustration yell at them both. Well here is the clincher- mindful parenting is not about blaming yourself for your failings “”I’m Such a bad parent”; “Why can’t I hold it together” nor judging your children, “They are little terrors!” In fact, it is about ridding yourself of these judgments as they are totally ineffective; they pull you out of the moment and then you miss the next moment and those that follow. This moment-to-moment mental absence impedes your ability to make informed decisions and can also make you feel embarrassed, out of it, and misattuned to your kids and your life more generally. In order to be open to experience, and teach our children the same, we need to suspend judgment of ourselves (and of others) especially in the more challenging moments.
Stay tuned for our next psychology blog post on how you incorporate daily mindful practice.