cially those who struggle with behavioral issues. It’s important that they be able to accurately predict what is and isn’t acceptable. The last thing you want is for your child to be unclear about whether they’re allowed to be roughhousing in the house or when they’re meant to be going to bed.
Talk about rules during a calm time, not when you’re already in the middle of a conflict. Explain why the limitations are in place, especially where safety and health are concerned. Also, make sure to bring up any possible exceptions to the rules – for example, it’s not polite to shout in the grocery store until there’s an emergency and you need adult help immediately.
Some limitations may be permanent, such as the guidelines for how to behave when getting ready for bed or playing with friends. Some might be situational, such as the specific rules for going to a particular event.
If there are situational limitations, make sure to bring them up ahead of time. If your child has never been to a wedding before, they won’t know what the expectations are for how to behave at one unless you discuss it ahead of time. Be clear and simple, and also bring up any possible consequences there might be for violating these limitations.
Make it clear that these conversations are just that – a conversation, not a lecture. Encourage your children to ask questions about the how and why of these limitations. It takes some extra work to explain, but giving them your reasoning for these rules is a great way to help them learn to anticipate expectations in the future, both from you and from society at large.
3. Maintain consistency
Now that you’ve talked it through and set your boundaries, it’s time to hold fast to them. Changeability with a child who’s out of control only makes for more chaos and confusion for the both of you. Once you have set limitations and rules, be consistent about them.
This goes both ways – obviously, you need to hold firm on not allowing behavior that you’ve specified as being unacceptable, but you also need to allow for behavior that you had previously communicated was fine. Once a 6-11 years old child starts to notice that you will start shutting down their behavior without prior notice, they’ll become combative because of rising feelings of insecurity.
Maintaining consistency is about more than simply holding firm to limitations, though. It’s also about keeping your daily routines consistent and your interactions predictable.
Having a predictable environment and routine can help calm a surprising amount of behavioral issues in elementary-aged children. While they may seem so much more mature than they were just a few years prior, they still are very much uncertain about the world. Having their parents and home feel easy to predict will make it easier for them to regulate their own emotions and expectations.
Set up the same expectations for them each day, such as what they should do when they come home from school, what they should do to get ready in the morning, and how they get ready for bed. Having these parts of their day be easier to navigate will help level out their emotions and make them less likely to have intense emotional reactions.
4. Respect their independence
The hardest part of raising children is always learning when to let go. For children at 6-11 years old age, it can be easy to still see them as impossibly young and immature. However, elementary-aged children have a strong need for their own space, independence, and privacy. Show them that you respect their independence by allowing them a certain measure of privacy. Give them some space where they can be “grown-up free,” in whatever way is most impactful and practical for your family.
Great options might be making a small space where your child can read without interruptions from the rest of the family, or putting up a small treehouse in the yard where they can play alone. It may even be as simple as knocking before entering their room or allowing them privacy for things like their diary or their phone conversations with friends.
It’s also important to show t