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Although the death of a loved one causes emotional trauma for children, their grief reactions may differ from the emotional responses typically seen with adults. The primary difference is that intense emotional and behavioral expressions are not continuous in children (Corr, Nable, & Corr, 1997). Rather, their grief reactions may appear more intermittent and brief than those of adults, yet the grief usually lasts longer than its behavioral expression (Fitzgerald, 1992; O 'Toole & Cory, 1998). Families often incorrectly interpret this behavior to mean the child does not really understand the loss or has already gotten over the death.
Grief reactions are intermittent because children cannot thoroughly explore all their thoughts and feelings rationally as adults can (Corr et al., 1997). A variety of emotional reactions can be expected from a grieving child, among them numbness, disbelief, yearning, anguish, anger, and guilt (Lampton & Cremeans, 2002). Children often have difficulty articulating their feelings about grief; thus, it is through their behavior that they may evince strong feelings of anger and fear of abandonment or death (O'Toole & Cory, 1998). Rather than outwardly expressed emotions and withdrawal from daily activities, grief reactions in children may manifest in psychosomatic symptoms, temper tantrums, academic failure, and other seemingly unrelated behaviors.
Bereaved children also tend not to withdraw into preoccupation with thoughts of the deceased person as adults can; instead they often immerse themselves in activities and games as a way of working out their feelings and anxieties (Corr et al., 1997; O'Toole & Cory, 1998). Play, drama, art, school work, and stories also give them opportunities to express feelings (Goldman, 1998).
Although loss is a highly individualized experience, children's grief reactions may be influenced by their age, personality, stage of development, previous experiences with death, type of relationship with the deceased, environment, the cause of death, patterns of interaction and communication within the family, stability of family life after the loss, how the needs for sustained care are met, availability of opportunities to share and express feelings and memories, parental styles of coping with stress, and the availability of consistent relationships with other adults (DeSpelder & Strickland, 1996; Fitzgerald, 1992).
Tasks of Grieving
Although children must work through the same tasks in the bereavement process as adults, the progression differs depending on the child's developmental stage (Schoeman & Kreitzman, 1997). Although several researchers have proposed tasks and stages of grief, I will highlight just one model that has wide acceptance and has been specifically applied to children's grief. Worden and Silverman (1996) assert that the normative grieving process for children incorporates specific tasks associated with common responses to loss over time. In their model, children must complete four tasks in order to experience reintegration and adaptation to the loss.
The first is to accept the reality and permanence of the loss. To accomplish this, children need accurate information about the death so they can avoid "magical thinking" or filling in the gaps with misinformation (Lampton & Cremeans, 2002). Emotional recognition and acceptance of the loss are very difficult; the process involves full recognition that the lost one will not return.
Next, children must experience the pain and the emotional aspects of the loss. Intense emotions of sadness, despair, anger, guilt, fear, loneliness, shame, and jealousy may all be part of this experience. Initially, these painful feelings may be constant. Later, they may become sporadic or intermittent, but they can surface at unexpected times, causing the child to feel out of control. Eventually, these feelings become less frequent and may be experienced mostly during anniversaries of the loss, holidays, and special events (e.g., the birthday of the lost one).
The third task is adjusting to life without the loved one. How diff