e understand this issue, they usually know if they are the resilient type or not. Those who need to become more resilient can do a number of things to do just that.
Our core beliefs are the source of our strength and resilience or lack of it. See how you relate to the following belief statements:
1. I can’t do it. I can’t do “this.”
2. I can handle this challenge.
3. I can handle anything.
4. Things don’t generally go well for me.
5. My life seems like an endless stream of stress and trauma. It’s enough to crush anyone.
6. This looks difficult, but if I take a deep breath, become open to new solutions and new ways of looking at things, I’m sure I’ll be fine.
7. Things just happen. Life is full of random accidents.
8. Everything happens for a reason.
9. There is a lesson in this painful situation. I may not know the lesson until I come through to the other side, but I try to maintain an attitude of gratitude, even in tough, unpleasant situations.
10. I’m a lucky and optimistic person.
11. I’m not lucky. If something bad is about to happen, I’m the one it will probably happen to.
12. I’ve endured, survived, and thrived through lots of stress. I know I can cope, not only with the “possible,” but I’m able to deal with the “impossible.”
In reading these 12 beliefs, which ones do you resonate with? If you are someone who feels unlucky and gets overwhelmed by stress, reading this list might make you feel depressed, because a number of the answers imply that there are healthy ways to handle stress, and you might not be one of those people — yet!
It is important that you are honest with yourself about who you are and how you react to what life brings you (or throws at you). It’s also important not to compare yourself to others. Comparing is one of the most common things that our minds do, but it’s a strategy that fails. If you compare yourself unfavorably to another, you’ll feel depressed, envious, or jealous. If you compare yourself favorably, believing that you’re just better at most things than others, the act of comparing will often lead to guilt or arrogance.
Learning from Masters of Resilience
You may wonder about the 12th belief, namely, “I’m able to deal with the impossible.” Let me share an example or two. Most of our character and personality are formed in the first five years of life, making parenting the most important job on earth. If you frequently saw or experienced a parent falling into the pit of victimhood, feeling overwhelmed by stress, that is what you will have picked up, both through osmosis and direct teaching by your parents.
Vinny is a friend of mine who shared a childhood story I’ll never forget. Vinny, his brother, and dad were doing some heavy lifting, related to construction work. Vinny was in his late teens at the time. His dad asked Vinny and his brothers to move a rather large boulder (more than 500 pounds) out of the way. The boys were unable to move the rock at all. Vinny’s dad gave the boys a bit of a crusty look, and said, “I’ll take care of it.” His dad walked over, yanked the huge stone off the ground, picked it up in his arms and carried it off. Vinny was stunned at that impossible feat, but his dad didn’t relate to the word “impossible.” There were a few other amazing feats Vinny saw his dad accomplish. His dad was truly nonchalant. He felt he didn’t have time for the boys not to get the job done, and he wanted to just help out and “do it.” Vinny grew up to be a successful businessman, starting small, and then expanding his successes in all arenas of life. As I’ve watched how he handles life’s challenges and stresses, I often think of that big stone. His dad had conveyed the message to Vinny, “Anything is possible…even if it looks impossible.” So, Vinny’s parenting provided a terrific level of lifelong resilience.
Christopher Reeves is another example of enormous resilience, surviving a horse accident that left him paralyzed, unable to move, and only able to breathe with the help of a machine. Nobody expected the enormous progress that Reeves made in life. While having a lot of money to fun