Society loves selling the idea of the ‘perfect and very generously gives the tag that modern women have it all who balance personal life, work, and health at the same time. You will find her all over motivational billboards: a woman with a smiling face, dressed in a sophisticated suit, looking completely content with herself.
Often, she will have her proud family around her — a partner and a child — emphasizing the fact that she is a champion at home, too. There will be inspirational quotes all around her, encouraging bystanders to hope and work hard to be like her. But is that really possible?
Of course, a woman can have a healthy personal and professional life. It isn’t wrong to try and motivate people through such messages either. It does work in the case of some. However, the true harm occurs when such messages create a universal concept of success for women, without acknowledging all the little nuances of individual identities. They can make you feel ‘less’, for either not having the same ‘ambition’ or the same kind of ‘success’.
Society has indeed progressed a lot in terms of women’s rights. There are many more resources and opportunities accessible to them as compared to before. However, does this mean that women have it easier now?
Does it mean that all troubles have now been erased and a woman can achieve the perfect life if she only puts her mind to it? More importantly, do all women have the same access to this life?
Today, let us dive deep into this modern myth and find an answer to this much-discussed question: can women have it all?
First of all, we must question what we call ‘easy’. We are certainly not living in prehistoric times (even though the gender roles back might have been much more diverse than today’s). There has been a lot of development in the various sectors of life and identity rights are talked about much openly.
Feminism is given a much bigger space now. There is a lot more awareness about the different oppression and discrimination that marginalized genders go through. A lot more doors are open for non-cis-male genders in schools and workplaces. Women’s representation in particular has been focused on within many organizations.
However, all this doesn’t mean that women have it easy now. The erasure of certain past oppressive practices in certain spaces doesn’t negate present discrimination. Society is still deeply patriarchal. Sure, child marriage, wage gaps, female infanticide, etc. may be openly condemned now, but that doesn’t mean they don’t happen at all.
Most importantly, external condemnation doesn’t erase the internal prejudice that we inherit from generation to generation.
This internal prejudice often leads to women erasing their own experiences. When society is so persuasive about all these new possibilities of women, their daily encounters with misogyny are dismissed in the process. They feel pressured to be ‘perfect’ in all realms of life. We don’t realize that these are also societally enforced expectations.
Also, within these expectations, society usually has an upper or middle-class cishet woman in mind. It doesn’t acknowledge the intersectionality within feminism, the intertwinings of caste, religion, sexuality, class, etc. with gender. It also erases women’s own desires in their life. It creates a faceless idea of success without considering how this fits into diverse individual lives.
Hence, it is unfair to state that women have it easier without acknowledging these nuances.
So, can a woman in current society give equal time and attention to personal, professional, and self-care realms? Is it really possible to ‘excel’ in everything without any compromise or mistakes? Is this really the ideal happiness for all women with multiple experiences?
Here is why assuming that women have it all can be harmful:
Of course, a woman can manage work and personal relationships well. However, there will always be a need to give up some things.
For example, if you want to focus extra on a work-related project, you might have to give up little elements of your personal life. Maybe this wil