on. If you let it become all-consuming, however, guilt can get the best — or the worst — of you.
Other Areas of Guilt:
While guilt has been applied in a general sense, there are several other areas in which guilt is present – most often shame.
For example, people often hold themselves accountable to a higher standard than they would others. This creates a situation in which a person may feel guilty, rather than forgiving themselves as they would others. This also occurs when a person believes incorrectly that all mistakes or negative consequences are preventable.
People also frequently feel guilt associated with loss and bereavement. Feelings that you could have done more, that you should have saved someone, or that you should have said or done something before a death is common. It’s a perception and reaction to feelings that we have failed in our obligations, or that we have done something wrong.
However, understanding that feelings of guilt are a normal part of grief is helpful, in that we all ask “what ifs” and “why” questions. Finally, guilt may be a part of a victimization experience, such as combat, PTSD, and violent crime.
How Can I Manage Guilt and Start to Heal?
- Learn to recognize and identify your feelings of guilt.
- What type of guilt is it?
- What was your role in the wrong-doing, either to yourself or others? Acknowledge and accept it.
- Does feeling guilty provide you with any positive experiences? Are you learning from it? Are you helping others because of it?
- Ask for forgiveness from those you have wronged (this includes forgiving yourself).
- Learn from the situation so you don’t repeat the same mistakes.
- Realize you can’t change the past. Let go of it and move on.
- Disarm thoughts of guilt by thinking or saying “STOP!” and then finding a distraction.
- If your spiritual beliefs include belief in a higher power, think about what He or She has to say about forgiveness.
- Participate in an appropriate support group.
- Be gentle with yourself. What would you say to your best friend in a similar situation? Say the same to yourself.
- Remember the good things you’ve done. Write those things down, hold onto them and read them when you need to.
- Channel your guilt into a worthwhile project. If you’ve learned a lesson from this experience, chances are others can learn from it, too.
Additional Guilt Resources:
Emotional Competency – description of guilt, the cycle of guilt, and guilt resolution
Guilt and Forgiveness – group discussions on guilt and the role of forgiveness in guilt.
Page last audited 7/2018