s to divert your attention away from your phone.
3. Children compare themselves to siblings.
Fights between siblings may stem from comparisons. One child may feel as if he or she is less than his or her sibling. Although most of the time the negative feelings are not truly rooted in hatred toward his sibling, your child may feel as if he is unable to match up or “compete” with his sibling and is unable to make his parents happy or “like me just as much as him.” Your child may have this feeling even if it isn’t the case that you treat or “like” siblings differently.
What can I do?
1. Model for your child how to settle arguments safely and cooperatively.
Believe it or not, your children learn many things from simply watching you do things, such as navigating your relationships with others and interacting with your partner.
2. Let your child navigate these conflicts without too much parent interference.
Give your children the chance to learn! You may take on the role of mediator and help siblings to think of possible solutions to a problem, then let them decide together which solution will work best.
3. It’s okay to ask siblings to argue “somewhere else” if it gets too loud.
Offer to come in to help with the negotiations in 5 minutes when you are finished with your current task. Let them have a little practice negotiating before you step in. Of course you will need to step in right away if someone is getting hurt.
4. Avoid comparing your children.
Do not compare. Openly comparing your children will harm your children and plant these harmful ideas in their minds and prevent them from getting along cooperatively.
5. Emphasize the differences and special qualities each of your children have.
Explain to them that no one is the same and each of us have differences that make us who we are. Highlight each of their strengths and celebrate these differences!
Although fighting between siblings is typical, it is important to note that if the fighting becomes excessive, becomes dangerous, or is causing extreme emotional trauma within the family, you need to seek help from a professional. Don’t wait or ignore the issue. It is best to get help sooner rather than later. We are here for you! Feel free to contact our office to set up a consultation.
Written by Marilee Hartling and Daniel Munoz