I read your blog and I see two issues that are bothering you: homesickness
and “guilt” for being away from your country.
First, let me say that it is alright to feel homesick – in fact, we would
worry if you never felt the pain of being away. It only means that you miss
us – your family, your home, your cat, our pets, your friends, our weather,
even the places where you hang out. We feel the same sadness and longing for
you because we would prefer to see you everyday, to see you smile, to hear
the excitement in your voice when you tell stories, to be able to tell if
you are sad and to be able to hug you when you are. Which is why Skype is
my preferred way of communicating with you – because I want “to be with you”
as much as possible, even if it means listening to your voice on one
computer and looking at you (webcam) on another. Since our schedules do not
always allow “skyping,” I depend on your blog, and your occasional emails
-too few and too short =( to know what’s happening with you. It’s pain that
we must bear, because we love you and want you to grow and become fulfilled.
But the “guilt” that you feel for being away from your country is
unnecessary grief. As long as you carry your love for your country in your
heart, then there is nothing to grieve for being somewhere else. Think of
the Filipinos who have brought pride to their countrymen – they’re not
necessarily here. Patricia Evangelista won the speaking competition in
London. Lea Salonga made her name in London, New York and Hollywood. Leo
Oracion, Erwin Emata and Ching’s friend, Romy Garduce could not have
conquered Mt. Everest by staying here. In the same manner, Einstein was born
in Germany but his genius flourished in the U.S. The Kennedys were
originally Irish. Your papa’s parents were from China. Pre-historic
Filipinos were migrants from Malay Peninsula and Indonesia. You know what I
am trying to say but you need to say this to yourself every now and then,
especially when some people, or you yourself, make you feel guilty about
being away from your country. Nobody should be limited by the physical
boundaries of one’s country – you need to climb your highest mountains, no
matter where they are. And when you are on top, you plant the Philippine
flag and proclaim to the world that you are a Filipina.
We love you and we are proud of you, and if the pain of loneliness is the
price we have to pay so you can be the best that you can be, then so be it.
E-Mail from Mama
Whenever I falter and lose sight of my way, other people lift me up,
set me on my feet, and point me back in the right direction.
Where would I be without my family and my friends and those random
strangers and acquaintances who take a moment out of their busy days
to reach out to me in all their generous humanity?
I am thankful for these moments of sadness and confusion, however
brief they are, because they give me an opportunity to appreciate and
deepen my respect for the wonderful, wonderful people in my life.
From friends who called and messaged and e-mailed as soon as they read
my doubts, to my mom whose encouragement addressed my fears and
strengthened my resolve, to coworkers who not only told me of
interesting opportunities but also expressed their concern
I am loved beyond my ability to comprehend, and if I can spend the
rest of my life sharing that experience of love with other people…
It’s been said that it takes a village to raise a child. I am being
raised by the world.