Salaam and peace, all -
When I was in high school, I was called a “bleeding heart liberal” by my AP History teacher (I didn’t even know what this meant back then). In college, I was called a “feminist” by my psychology professor. In graduate school, I was considered “submissive” by my International Health advisor.
Nothing but a piece of cloth on my head, folks.
I still hate racist political ideologies and the misuse/abuse of women (more on that in later posts). I’m a bit more outspoken about it than I used to be in my high school days, too (and even blog about it!).
You see, I take after my mother in a few ways. I can’t stand injustices and will probably say something, whether it’s about feminist issues or race issues or foreign/domestic policies or incorrect interpretations or application of Islamic law in various countries, or my own character faults. And sometimes, that gets us into trouble. But I’m not as jovial or extroverted as she is (although my sister and brother are).
I take after my father in more ways. We’re quieter and more serious than most, bookish, and soft-spoken. Yep, my mother actually makes fun of us for it.
So when my graduate school advisor mentioned I seem too submissive and should speak up while making my thesis case about misinterpretation of Islamic law related to rape laws in Pakistan, I could tell he associated my character traits with my scarf. I had to tell him I take after my father. The look on his face was priceless, but I think he soon realized how “feminist” my outlook on life really was by the time I graduated.
Since then, I’ve taken his advice more seriously. I’ve tried to learn as much as I could about women’s rights in Islam, to speak out a lot more in public, to *never* walk behind my husband (he hates that, too!), and I actively participate in debates about politics or gender issues. Just to avoid assumptions and make sure my voice is heard.
So what’s the worst assumption that brings out the “bleeding heart liberal” or “feminist” in me?
Women were treated like chattel in pre-Islam Arabia, forced to be married or inherited or whatnot. No doubt. Even today, many Muslim countries do not have the most female-friendly attitudes or laws, despite Islamic teachings, and we should do something about this. Women often have/had no say unless they were of a higher/nobility class. Some Arab men disliked having daughters so much, they would bury them alive in pre-Islamic Arabia. What changed with Islam? For one thing, the Qur’aan was revealed and taught equality, made it unlawful to kill anyone unjustly, to treat women and children well, and gave women rights that they’d never had before (likely in history). Men were put in their place (so to speak). As misaligned as Islam is today, it’s actually radically feminist. There was never a debate of whether or not women had souls or were full human beings amongst Muslim scholars.
Historically, women were always in the public sphere (in pre and post-Islamic Arabia). The current atmosphere in Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia is not quite how things used to be (as we all know, women are encouraged to stay in the home in Afghanistan now, and can’t even drive in Saudi, although they do work outside of their homes. This is not so in other Muslim countries, like Malaysia or Turkey or Egypt, where more women take part in politics, social/community issues, etc). The earliest generation of Muslim women asked Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) tough questions until they were satisfied with the answers, owned businesses, got married and/divorced out of their own desire/choice, inherited, donated their wealth, managed their own wealth/property, earned high ranks of scholarship and taught other scholars, and could complain to the head of state if they were used or abused. Muslim women even have sexual rights that are unparalleled in any code of law I’ve ever studied.
Does that mean all Muslims are perfect? Or interpret/practice Islam correctly? As you can see, we’re human beings. And no, human beings aren’t perfect.
Regarding family structure in Islam, it’s meant to keep things in balance and uphold rights, especially for women and children. While getting married is a choice in Islam, husbands must take care of their families’ needs (sometimes even extended family, and often, before their own desires), and women must make sure that their homes are peaceful, loving and balanced, especially when it comes to their children and husbands. That’s the balance (and I fully appreciated that while growing up, walhamdulillah). And yes, women can work outside/inside of the home (my mother did). Women can play sports (I did) or run for political office (it’s happening here in the states, slowly but surely). I say that knowing that there are people out there who believe Muslim women aren’t equal to Muslim men or that this is a backwards concept (a nuclear family? what is that again?). I also know that some kids grow up without a father, some women are forced to work when they’d rather not, and the stability of the family home is the foundation of a stable community. As an aside: people often talk about women’s rights/status, but don’t often talk about how high the bar is set to be a real Muslim man. FEMINIST ALERT: it takes more then being a male to be a real man (but those real men are awesome and deserve some recognition sometimes. More on that in a later post).Before I had studied basic Islamic law and principles, I was of the mindset of many others: Muslim women seem so oppressed sometimes. What’s up with that?
Now (after study) and knowing more strong Muslim women, I realize just how paramount the position of women is in society, and how heavy the responsibility is on both them and males. And that the headscarf is sometimes looked at as a symbol of something oppressive, rather than a badge of honor and dignity, as it was meant to be (personally, I don’t feel that my scarf or lack of scarf should define me. It’s a piece of cloth which has a deeper meaning to me related to my and earlier religions, and I don’t push it on anyone. Muslim women deserve some basic respect for a sometimes difficult choice). Religion is one thing, and culture is another (often, *completely* at odds with one another). But in the end, I can honestly say, thank God I’m a woman (alhamdulillah), and in particular, a Muslim woman from the West (less cultural baggage). I don’t take this for granted.
Personally, my husband and father never asked me to wear a headscarf or more modest clothing (that was my personal choice after years of careful study, reflection and conviction. My friends and I even went against the wishes of some relatives by doing so). They both encourage me to go for my PhD and to continue to work outside of the home. My husband hates when I walk behind him, and loves when women speak out in public. He refuses to make major family decisions without my say (he’s too democratic sometimes. I’ve actually complained about that), and thoroughly enjoys when women debate (and win against) men. He hates oppression. So I’m not the only “bleeding heart” feminist in the family, it seems…