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By Duncan Rhyne (2004)
Southeast Asia is the most diverse region of the world (and in Southeast Asia, Indonesia is the most diverse country).
Here you have not only different languages but also a multitude of different alphabets: Chinese, Indian, Burmese, Thai, Cambodian, Arabic, Vietnamese, and standard Roman. You have every major religion: Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, and a few lesser ones.
Nevertheless, thee are also similarities across the region. A lenient attitude towards sexual mores, for example.
You may meet people in Thailand who point out that Thailand is a Buddhist country, and that Buddhism prescribes sexual abstinence; a Malaysian or Indonesian may tell you that his religion, Islam, imposes very strict rules on sexual conduct; and Catholicism, for which all sexuality is sin, is the Philippine brand of Christianity.
But ehether it's Buddhism, Islam, or Christianity... if it's in Southeast Asia, it's also Southeast Asian. And this means that it is sexually much less restrictive than, for example, Western Asian Islam, Tibetan Buddhism, or Irish Catholicism.
In Europe and the Americas, it was modern society that liberalized sexual mores; in Southeast Asia, it's the other way around: modern society is causing a sexual tightening up, in Thailand as well as Indonesia.
However, the old mainstream liberty, and new fringe liberties, can still be enjoyed. If you know where to go, and how to go about it, that is.
At times, fate has been very kind with me. I am sure that from a sexual perspective, my life has been, and is, better than what 99.999 percent of the male world population has experienced or is experiencing. This leaves 1 in 100,000 males who may be a match to the quality of my Southeast Asian sex life.
This quality is largely knowledge-based. If you don't have the knowledge, you can be in Southeast Asia and have a sex life as if you were in Iran.
Apart from being knowledge-based, the quality (and I mean: the real quality) also depends on being available exclusively to those who really know.
I consider Southeast Asia an entity in itself, even though it features more diversity than the whole of the Western world. Just look at the languages and the alphabets: Burma, Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam all use alphabets that are unique to each country; and Malaysia uses a full four alphabets concurrently: Roman, Chinese, Tamil, and Arab. One could be forgiven for losing sight of the many things the countries of Southeast Asia have in common.
They do have in common a certain leniency towards sexual mores but of course, there are many other similarities.
The core culture of Southeast Asia is Malay. To avoid confusion between the terms Malaysian and Malay: the term "Malaysian" denotes a citizen of the country of Malaysia who may ethnically be Malay, Chinese, or Indian. The term "Malay" specifies the human race to which more than 50 percent of Malaysians and more than 90 percent of Indonesians and Filipinos belong. They typically are of darker skin than the Chinese, but unlike Indians, they are of East Asian built, with almond eyes and small noses.
I have a hard time judging beauty in men, but in my opinion, the Malay race features the highest percentage of beautiful women anywhere in the world.
But Southeast Asia isn't entirely Malay. The 19th century has seen an enormous influx of Chinese, and, to a lesser extent, of Indians, into the Southern Malay peninsula and into Indonesia. This had been encouraged by European colonial powers as they found it rather difficult to integrate people of Malay race into their colonial capitalist societies.
In Northern Southeast Asia, the Chinese influence is more direct. The Thais are a people who originally inhabited parts of Southern China but were pushed into Southeast Asia in the 12th and 13th century in the wake of the Mongol invasion of China. And Vietnam has been a country of Chinese culture before it was colonized by the French.
Nevertheless, even for much of Northern Southeast Asia (except maybe Vietnam), Malay is a core culture. The Angkor kingdom of Cambodia was an offspring of the kingdom of Java, and its kings, religion, and language were originally Javanese.
The defining event in the early history of the Thais was their victory over, and sacking of, the Angkor kingdom. The event made the difference between the Thais as a tribe and the Thais as a civilization and nation.
Many Thais know that their royal language has largely been borrowed from Khmer, the language of Angkor and present-day Cambodia. But not just the royal language but the whole concept of the state had been adopted from the Khmer.
What most Thais don't know is that the Angkor Khmers borrowed most of their upper-class language from Javanese. There is a large number of Thai words which are originally Javanese. And, I assume, the same is true for social values, manners of communication, sexual mores, and, for example, the position and function of women in society, and in relation to men.
Of all the traditional non-Western cultures I know, the culture of Southeast Asia is the least repressive towards women. And there exists a parallelism to the traditional culture of the South Sea. Linguists group the Malay world together with Madagascar and Polynesia as ;Nusantara; (which, by the way, is also the Indonesian word for archipelago.
Only in Southeast Asia, you can find, until today, traditional societies in which family inheritance is passed from the mother to the daughters, with men ending up empty-handed.
Only in Southeast Asia you will find regions in which women, not men, are the ones who traditionally make the first step in a relationship. Here, girls and women propose, and men have to wait until they are chosen.
The Minangkabau of West Sumatra traditionally are a matrilinear society in which marriages are proposed by women, and in which women own the family homes. Men are something like permanent visitors. And yet, the Minangkabau are Moslems.
The Minangkabau's capital city is Padang.
By and large, however, traditional ways remain strong only in village societies, while in cities, throughout the archipelago, there is a strong trend towards an Indonesian average. This also is true for Padang.
Nevertheless, women in West Sumatra clearly are more asserting than in other parts of the country, and they are so at a younger age. This includes, until today, a stronger inclination towards actually approaching a man if they like him.
Your best chances of having sexual relationships with Padang girls are probably in Pekanbaru in central Sumatra (not far from Singapore), or on Batam (just 30 minutes from Singapore by speed ferry). However, be aware that Batam is very commercialized, and that is also true for sexual relationships. Furthermore, Padang men are a rather rough brand. They are far less polite than the men on Java.
And only in Southeast Asia, you find societies in which nobody finds anything wrong with Muslim women who get married five times (to different men).
In Javanese villages, girls and boys are traditionally married at a very early age... about 14 for girls and 16 for boys. Divorces could happen as early as a few months later, followed by a remarriage, and then possibly another cycle of divorce and remarriage, and another one. In Javanese villages, people traditionally didn't and don't find anything wrong with this. In Indonesian city societies, the practice is frowned upon.
However, even the Indonesian female president Megawati has been married several times (and switched twice between religions as she went along). But her flexibility with regards to sexual relationships has been no match to what her father, Sukarno, achieved.
Unlike what is the case in Europe, in Indonesia, city people usually have stricter religious perceptions than village people
The Chinese component in the sexual mores of Southeast Asia is usually an emphasized focus on monetary value in personal interactions. More than any other ethnic group in Asia, the Chinese have a talent to attach a price to sexual and emotional categories.
Depending on your ideological or religious perceptions, this may appear to you as justified or blasphemous. Fact is that it works pretty well, just as capitalism does. Which is why, throughout Southeast Asia, the Chinese are the ones who constitute the majority of the economic upper class.
I don't mind a ditch of Chinese capitalistic sense in human interactions as it can make some things easier in life for as long as you have the means. On the other hand, there are limits as to how much Chinese capitalistic efficiency I am willing to accept in a relationship that I'd like to develop a romantic flair.
Your chances are slim in Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, the Philippines, and Myanmar, even though Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam have large Chinese minorities. If you are young (up to the early thirties), reasonably good looking, fashionable, and a local resident with a job, it won't be too difficult to have a Chinese girlfriend in Singapore. Be aware that the standard of living in Singapore is about equal to the standard of living in Western Europe, and so are attitudes towards sex.
In Malaysia, you are more likely to have a Malay girlfriend, but if you are determined to have a Chinese one, the level of ease and difficulty is about the same as in Singapore.
Your chances are good in Indonesia if you stick to Jakarta and don't mind if your Chinese girlfriend doesn't speak any Chinese. Chinese Indonesians on Java have been forced to strongly assimilate into the local culture. Outside of Java, your chances are good in the cities of Borneo (both the Indonesian and the Malaysian parts) and Sulawesi, and your Chinese girl in these parts of Southeast Asia will still speak Chinese.
Only Malaysia has a sizeable Indian minority. Indian girls are slightly more difficult in Malaysia than are Malay girls, but easier than Chinese, and much, much easier than Indian girls in India. Your best bet for Indian girls (and Chinese girls) in Malaysia will be Kuala Lumpur.
In Indonesia, the North Sumatran city of Medan has a very well integrated Indian minority. Your chances are good, but only if you speak Indonesian. The Indian girls of Medan may be fourth, fifth, or sixth generation in Indonesia, while the Chinese girls would be more likely just third generation.
You should be aware of the religious fabric of Southeast Asia.
The Philippines is Catholic except for the South, which is Muslim. Catholic girls are slightly easier than Islam girls.
Thailand is Buddhist, except for the South, which is Muslim. You will likely never score with Thai Muslim girls.
Cambodia was traditionally Buddhist, but now is largely non-religious.
China and Vietnam are communist and largely non-religious.
The Malays of Malaysia are Muslim, the Chinese are Buddhists or Christian (but essentially Chinese), and the Indians are Hindus or Muslims. Islam is NOT an impediment to sexual relationships with Westerners.
Religiously, Indonesia is about everything you can possibly imagine. Java is mostly Muslim, but n Java, it is by and large easier to have as sexual relationship with a Muslim girl than a Christian one. The highest barrier is probably Balinese Hinduism. But essentially, in Indonesia you can have sexual relationships with girls of any faith.
The religious hotbed of Southeast Asia is probably the central Javanese area around Solo and Yogyakarta, which is a modern phenomenon because the teachings of the Al-Quaida associated Jemah Islamiah are centered there.
Thailand is the country in Southeast Asia were it is the easiest to establish a sexual relationship based on a silent accord that the Western man provides material support, and that in exchange, the Thai woman is available for sexual satisfaction. This can still develop into love. While the absence of metaphysical load in a relationship with a young Thai woman makes the relationship easy to calculate, it also makes for a less tight bond.
The heaviest metaphysical load would likely be carried in a relationship with a Filipina. Second in this league would be Indonesia. In Malaysia, petty concerns about family life would likely play more of a role.
The Philippines is the country in Southeast Asia where it is the easiest to have a genuine love relationship. In Indonesia, girls may equally focus on a genuine relationship, but outside of Bali and Jakarta you may not get very far if you don't speak Indonesian.
To the contrary, in the Philippines you are not expected to speak anything but English.
Be aware that female jealousy can go to extremes in the Philippines. When there is reason for the girl to be jealous, you better arrange for being out of harm's way.
You need a hand phone when in the Philippines. SMS, locally referred to as "to text [somebody]", is an essential tool in building quick relationships.
Indonesia is the most diverse country in Southeast Asia, and the one with the largest number of ethnic particularities. This also affects love relationships, which can, on the part of your girlfriend, have roots in very different tribal traditions. '
In general, one can expect Indonesian girls to invest as much emotion into a relationship as do Filipinas. Nevertheless, the way Indonesian woman think and behave can be more radical.
Young Indonesian women are more difficult to predict than Malaysian or Philippine women. You do get all types, from hardcore prostitutes to schoolgirls looking for sexual experience, or unfaithful Moslem wives, and girls determined to find a Westerner for husband. You'll also find the largest number of girls fooling you: accepting an invitation for a romantic dinner, and, when you're about to kiss her, telling you that she will get married next week.
If you don't speak Indonesian, your best bet will be Javanese girls in Jakarta or Bali.
The Atrium Plaza at Senen market in Jakarta is known to be frequented by girls (NOT professional prostitutes) looking for a relationship with financial benefit... out of which something more permanent can develop.
Malaysia probably has the highest percentage of beautiful girls in Southeast Asia, but they are also the most narrow-minded, at least in villages or small towns. At the same time, many of these girls and young women would definitely consider a Western husband.
In Southeast Asia, Malaysia is the country were newspapers carry the largest number of personal classifieds aimed at Western/Malaysian marriages. (In the Philippines, such ads are illegal.)
The narrow-mindedness of Malaysian girls and young women is not of the kind that they wouldn't be willing to think beyond their village's or town's boundaries. The narrow-mindedness is in them being focused on a standard operating procedure by which a relationship should develop: get to know each other for some time, become girlfriend and boyfriend for a few weeks or month, being introduced to the parents, engagement until she has finished her education, and finally official marriage. Physical contact begins with holding hands, kissing, embracing, and then intercourse, with some time in between the steps of becoming closer, and intercourse reserved for after marriage. You may not want to invest so much time.
Storming into a love relationship with intercourse on the second day would be more suspect to girls in Malaysia than in the Philippines, Indonesia, or Thailand. Malaysia really is the most petty bourgeois society in Southeast Asia.
The only place in Malaysia with a cosmopolitan flair is Kuala Lumpur. For a starter, you could try the disco / pub The Beach, or some of the discos around The Beach. These are not places for girls below 23 or so, but there would be a chance for more time-efficient sexual relationships. Mind you, these are nevertheless not addresses for picking up hookers.
You will likely score in Singapore only if you are a resident of the city. The standard of living in Singapore is about the same as in Europe, and patterns of communication between the sexes are also increasingly European in style.
If you are below 35, reasonably good looking, and, most importantly, a permanent resident of Singapore, you could end up with a breath-taking Chinese beauty. If you are just a tourist, forget about it (and head for Japan).
Singaporean girls are far less interested in living abroad than are Philippine or Malaysian girls. They are most certainly not interested in living in any of the cheaper countries that surround Singapore.
In Singapore, it's a necessity to be a resident because beautiful young Singaporean women usually are in a steady relationship that provides them with status and comfort. It would take a little time to switch to you.
On the other hand, in countries like the Philippines and Indonesia, you have a large number of yet unattached young beautiful women because they wouldn't consider the majority of local men for purely economic reasons. They don't want to become a poor man's husband, which would be more work and hardship than being an employed maid. So, they also don't want to become a poor man's girlfriend in the first place.
The boyfriend or husband of a beautiful young Singaporean girl usually has a car, and the means to take her to chic places. These conditions would also apply to you, and could develop into a substantial drain of resources. No cheap thrills here. Having a car in Singapore is at least double as expensive as it is in Europe.
In Cambodia, you will have to decide whether you go for Khmer or for Vietnamese girls. The two ethnic groups hate each other rather intensely.
You will likely find more beauties, if any, among the Vietnamese rather than the Khmer.
Prostitution is wide-spread, mostly among the Vietnamese. In spite of their gentle appearance, there is a certain mental toughness to the Vietnamese, which tends to stand in the way of romantic feelings.
Khmer girls are more traditional, or rural-minded. If you try to approach them, they will, from early on, refer you to their mothers. They will then follow the mother's recommendation. If you can convince the mother to let her daughter go with you for 1000 dollars cash in bride money, the daughter will just do that: go with you. Up to you whether you want to marry her formally, or just keep her for some time.
Be aware that Khmer is a very difficult language (You’ll be at least 10 times faster learning Indonesian.). If the girl doesn't speak English, you'll have a hard time to communicate.
Vietnam is a difficult country for meaningful sexual relationships. Actually, Vietnam is more difficult than Vietnamese girls. This is the case because the Party clearly is not in favor of personal relationships between local girls and Western men, and the Party has a firm grip on the country.
Vietnamese girls are a notch on the materialistic side. If you can provide them with sufficient support, they'll be as grateful as girls from any poor country. There will likely not be as much metaphysical load as in a permanent relationship with a Philippine or Indonesian woman.
Japan is, of course, not Southeast Asia, but it's an interesting case nevertheless. While in Southeast Asia, you usually are considered superior (as you come from an economically superior country). You are (for the reverse reason) considered inferior in Japan, except in one aspect: you are expected to be a good stud with an impressive dick (but not as good a stud as an African or black American, with not as impressive a dick either). For this reason, the girls you are likely to end up with will have a pronounced sexual interest. (ch*e)
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Copyright Duncan Rhyne