His wink made her hate herself even more for what she'd allowed him to do to her in the past. How could there have ever been a time that she willingly suffered the feel of his touch? She couldn't even blame the potions. Not at first. It was only after they'd been alone several times that he offered her her first vial. She'd only had herself to blame for how it all began. And, even under the influence of her potions, she still only went to him because she wanted to. It was disgusting what she'd lowered herself to in order to forget the worst of her fears or to get more power and influence. She was tempted to climb in a shower with a steel brush and never get out. Not until all of her skin was scraped off her body and swirling down the drain.