It wasn't the truth. She had little doubt that if she ever asked for Antonin, he would be there as soon as he was physically able. Maybe it was cruel to hold on to that realization with a bit of smugness, but she did. If she needed Antonin, he would be there. Except, she worried that all of that would change when the secret of his daughter eventually came out. Would he be able to forgive her? Would he understand why she'd been scared to tell him? She could tell him about all of the hundreds of times she made up her mind to confess and then was able to convince herself that it was too dangerous. Would that soften the blow of her deception?