"When I was... done, I returned to -" she seemed to choke on her words before clearing her throat. "I went back to report on... things. And after I had been dismissed I was violently ill. Everything just came rushing right back. The things Bellatrix had made me see and feel and smell and the things he'd -" she stopped again, though this time voluntarily. Hermione tucked a stray hand of hair behind her ear with shaking fingers. "He was gone but... it felt like he was... in my skin. I wanted to... get him out. Forget it. I went out that night. After. I was nowhere near my right mind, nowhere close to sane in that moment. I felt... unmoored. Out of my depth. I ended up in a Muggle club, having drank my way through what felt like half of the city and... Blaise was there."