He traced runes on her back as they were wrapped in postcoital bliss after a particularly intense coupling. He began to tell her what she’d been dying to know but remained unspoken until then. "I struggled a lot after the war. I was and still am filled with shame and self-loathing. I couldn't understand how, after all I had done, I had survived and was allowed to be free. I couldn't deal with it and started drinking. When that didn't do the trick anymore, I turned to potions, and when those lost their edge, I sought out muggle options. I didn't care who I was with, what I was doing, or what happened, as long as I couldn't feel anything. All I wanted was to be numb. I'm a coward, Granger," he sighed sadly and she hugged him tighter.