She felt like a traitor when her mind would drift to the past in quiet moments. Too often Rodolphus had a starring role in her reminiscences. Especially since all of the memory charms were removed from her mind, trickles of memories and recollections would sneak in when she wasn't focused on anything else. There had been some good times in her past, some moments where she used to imagine what it would be like to turn her back on Antonin permanently to further cultivate her connection to Rodolphus. How much of that was by his design and how much of it was simply because that's what she desired? She would never know for certain. Every moment that he was in her life she questioned. It was best that she not drive herself mad by wondering facts that she would never learn. Even if she could somehow get Rodolphus trapped in a small space and completely at her mercy, she knew he wouldn't tell her everything. He was too secretive, too calculating.