I’m losing it and I don’t know how to stop it. I hate that I am not in control of the situation and that Father tries to take the control away from me. Does he not understand that I need that little bit of control over my life. The Dark Lord rules most of my life, deciding that we are getting married, marking me, sending me on missions, punishing me, wanting to fuck me, making me kill people and deciding where I sit on a fucking table during meetings.