The first few were too rushed. I didn’t know yet how to draw it out. And I was angry, so angry with them. They had hurt me and I did want revenge. But it didn’t take long, by the end of the second one actually, before I discovered how much I liked it. It wasn’t about revenge after that; it was about that blissful exhaustion after I was finished. It was the numb ecstasy that would stay with me for days afterword that drove me on. I started experimenting, learning what I liked, what would please me. I was a virgin again and this was a totally new form of love making. By the third any guilt that had lingered in me was transformed to craving.