She hadn't allowed herself to stop and feel sorry for herself for many years. There was a time in her life when the smallest action or harsh word would send her scurrying to the closest private area she could find to cry and wallow in her perceived misery. It was embarrassing to remember how often she used to cry. Hurt feelings and mortification weren't good reasons to break down. She would always be grateful for Antonin teaching her how to control her emotions. They might not have always seen eye-to-eye, but for the most part, he usually had her best interests at heart.