I can’t remember what day it is or the time. Everything is dark and food appears at random. I can smell it when it appears, every once in a while I hear a bang as a bucket of water appears in the corner. I am constantly thirsty and want to dunk my head in it, but I can't. I have to ration it out. The first time a bucket appeared I drank it within hours and I had to wait very long before I got a new one. I have let go of my shame and once the bucket is empty I use it to relieve myself, I don’t know when I am getting tortured again, but it will not happen again that I lose control. 