It was the pain that pulled her back from that distant place. But only sometimes. It felt like a tight little ball of fire was lodged smack in the middle of her brain and every so often, it would pulse - causing her to gasp or grit her teeth and, for a moment, she'd be back inside herself. These moments could last for... well, moments. Or they could last for hours. When she had them, her worry mounted exponentially, as she feared that this mental... dissonance was the start of her true and final decline. It was during this moments that she feverishly did what she'd avoided doing for months: researching. Using Theo's extensive library to try and find anything there was to find about magical bargains, about the Mortis Domina, about losing your magic and surviving. Unsurprisingly, a pureblood library (even a liberal minded pureblood's library), had next to no information regarding loss of magic. She supposed this wasn't terribly surprising as it was the pureblood dogma that they (purebloods) were better than any and everything else on account of their deep well of magic, on their inherent right to that magic. Its loss, by any means, wasn't to be contemplated. She might have understood the pseudo-logic, but it frustrated her to no end. Of the Mortis Domina, she found nothing and was again unsurprised. The Domina did not allow for information regarding their existence to remain outside its walls. This frustrated her less, as she knew everything she needed to know about the group. She found more than she could reasonably need on magical bargains - and nothing of what she managed to get through was overly helpful.