More than a few times in the past she wondered what might have happened if Augustus had never taken it upon himself to protect her cupboard. Pushing aside all concerns that she would have been violated like all of the other female captives were likely harmed at the end of the war, she wondered if real feelings for Antonin might have crept up on her if she didn't have Augustus in the background mucking it all up. Beyond her training and proving to those who doubted her that she was loyal to the regime, she only had Augustus. From the very beginning she attributed an unhealthy level of expectation on a mere mortal. If he hadn't been in the picture, maybe she could have seen her teacher in the light he longed for her to see him in.