You must know, I regret everything I said to you, that fight, kicking you out of the flat. I was sorry as soon as you left, but that didn’t mean I trusted you enough to let you back in. I loved you, and you hurt me, and didn’t trust me, and I couldn’t trust you. You’d changed, so much, over the years. I missed you even when you were home, and I forgave you even when I knew you’d been with other people because I just wanted you here, with me. But you weren’t, even when I had you in my arms you were always somewhere else, and I started to think maybe you were thinking of someone else, and I was waiting for you to tell me who it was, end things and leave me, but you never did, and then some part of me believed that you weren’t staying for me, but for the information I could give you. The credibility to the Order. And then the McKinnons died and it came out that the spy gave them up and I thought it was you.