"Do you know why I first started taking them? Why I allowed Rabastan an opening to control me?" He shook his head. "Because I wanted to be numb. Because I wanted to forget what a coward I became. I'm not a good person. Maybe I was at one point in my life. I don't know. It was so long ago. But, I made the wrong decisions. Over and over again. I can never be that idealistic girl again. She died with Harry."