It was tempting to swallow one of the potions that sat in the drawer in the bathroom for her use. Years of her life had already been spent being entirely dependent on some kind of magical potion or another to get her through the treacherous days. What would be the harm in taking one more? She no longer believed that Antonin was going to hurt her or try to control her with the potions. Why she ever thought that in the first place was unclear. He'd been in love with her for almost twenty years since the first days of her training and reprogramming. Though he would never come right out and admit that was true, she knew. She'd always known. That was why she took such pleasure in being cruel to him over the years, rubbing her lovers in his face when she knew how he felt. Some days she wished she could go back in time to make better decisions, be a better person. She'd been unfair to him for years.