July

Addiction

The

Truth

Will

Set

Us

Free

Easy

Plugin

for

AdSense

by

Unreal

What

is

addiction

Addiction

is

not

a

Disease

but

rather

it

is

a

spiritual

malady

and

force

of

habit

It

is

a

poor

self

image

and

the

presence

of

a

broken

heart

Our

heart

can

be

healed

and

our

habits

can

be

changes

We

wont

relapse

if

we

take

the

time

to

respect

ourselves

enough

to

realize

not

only

did

we

hurt

others

but

others

hurt

us

deeply

The

certainly

taught

us

as

children

that

we

were

inferior

and

bad

So

we

spent

the

rest

of

our

days

trying

to

prove

that

it

wasnt

true

while

our

own

hearts

believed

that

it

was

What

can

I

say

I

have

been

passionate

about

recovery

for

years

I

made

my

Recovery

Farmhouse

websites

back

at

around

or

years

sober

Since

then

I

have

written

hundreds

of

articles

and

engage

in

numerous

Facebook

group

posts

I

have

worked

in

AA

for

years

on

end

being

a

member

of

a

homegroup

and

being

a

sponsor

I

have

held

positions

in

my

homegroup

such

and

chairman

secretary

and

the

like

Why

in

the

Hell

Was

I

an

Addict

Continue

reading

July

Space

May

be

the

Final

Frontier

but

its

made

in

a

HOLLYWOOD

BASEMENT

Moon

您的瀏覽器目前無法識別任何可用的影片格式

按一下這裡以瀏覽關於

影片的常見問題

Addiction

and

MIND

CONTROL

are

programmed

into

us

in

many

different

ways

and

in

youth

See

the

details

here

httpswwwrecoveryfarmhousecomprogrammedfrombirthtobeaddicted

Why

New

Age

concepts

protect

the

criminal

ruling

elite

so

well

Can

you

say

agenda

Can

you

say

brain

washing

and

can

you

sayKOOL

The

concept

of

kool

is

one

of

the

most

significant

mind

control

tools

in

the

United

States

today

Once

through

TV

and

MEDIA

the

ruling

elite

have

established

an

ideal

as

unkool

THEY

HAVE

US

Example

Negativity

Continue

reading

May

Programmed

from

Birth

To

Be

Addicted

The

Man

who

Hides

his

heart

away

behind

a

mask

sickens

his

own

soul

Children

are

not

born

hating

themselves

They

are

taught

they

are

wrong

at

a

young

age

by

propaganda

that

produces

self

loathing

From

that

point

on

we

commence

to

fixing

what

we

feel

is

wrong

OUR

OWN

HEARTS

VOICE

and

the

ME

our

truth

and

our

identity

This

perception

of

I

am

wrong

I

am

different

is

by

design

Sounds

like

a

rationalization

to

say

programmed

for

addiction

but

its

a

truth

and

realization

Sounds

as

if

it

were

said

by

a

struggling

addict

who

hasnt

been

sober

long

that

we

must

quickly

discount

and

recite

some

are

sicker

than

others

Please

read

on

and

watch

the

video

below

to

see

how

programming

occurs

in

humans

It

wasnt

until

over

seven

years

sober

that

I

realized

what

formed

my

personality

toward

addiction

It

wasnt

until

more

than

eleven

years

sober

that

I

realized

the

emotional

indoctrination

that

happens

to

all

public

school

students

including

our

parents

Continue

reading

May

The

Disease

Concept

is

a

Rationalization

If

you

dont

know

the

true

reason

for

addiction

just

make

up

a

reason

and

run

with

it

After

all

alcoholics

are

skilled

at

the

art

of

denial

and

bullshit

We

fool

ourselves

first

then

we

fool

the

world

Lets

face

it

recovering

alcoholics

are

commonly

desperate

for

a

valid

cause

to

pin

their

miseries

on

Sometimes

in

the

form

of

co

dependency

and

blame

Other

times

in

the

form

of

playing

up

a

tragedy

that

really

doesnt

affect

us

We

jump

at

the

chance

for

a

valid

process

of

griefseldom

does

anyone

ever

accept

and

validate

our

true

grief

if

and

when

we

have

the

balls

and

self

honesty

to

find

out

what

that

is

Most

recovering

addicts

have

pushed

their

emotions

so

far

away

from

their

heart

that

they

grasp

the

disease

concept

in

order

to

validate

Continue

reading

March

American

Censorship

February

Are

you

a

New

Soul

or

an

Old

Soul

Read

this

story

to

possibly

find

your

answer

There

was

a

blessed

spirit

in

Heaven

it

could

fly

it

was

completely

sustained

by

the

light

of

God

that

was

readily

available

in

the

beyond

where

it

existed

We

will

call

the

blessed

spirit

Elior

Elior

could

travel

from

realm

to

realm

planet

to

planet

dimension

to

dimension

he

could

take

any

shape

he

wanted

The

realm

that

housed

the

seven

Earths

God

did

create

seven

were

only

one

of

the

realms

that

Elior

had

toured

There

was

a

realm

called

Ecstasy

the

realm

of

Wisdom

the

powerful

realm

of

Love

Continue

reading

December

Why

Am

I

an

Alcoholic

Why

Are

Addicts

in

so

Much

Emotional

Pain

Why

do

addicts

seem

to

have

a

proclivity

towards

self

destruction

Why

are

addicts

so

inclined

to

blame

others

for

their

own

choices

And

the

biggie

why

do

our

sponsors

teach

us

to

not

ask

why

Answer

number

one

THE

PROBLEM

I

was

in

so

much

pain

that

I

needed

to

numb

myself

due

to

a

lifetime

of

hiding

away

my

true

identity

By

hiding

intense

feelings

and

thoughts

away

my

pain

lived

inside

me

till

I

finally

was

taught

how

to

let

it

all

out

Continue

reading

December

Dont

Believe

Everything

You

Hear

In

AA

Dont

Believe

Everything

You

Hear

In

AA

IS

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

A

MORAL

PROGRAM

OR

NOT

Big

Book

page

WE

THE

MEMBERSAT

LEAST

THE

MAJORITY

OF

MEMBERS

THAT

I

HAVE

HEARD

SHARE

IN

THE

ROOMS

TEND

TO

DISLIKE

HAVING

THEIR

MORALITY

POLICED

OR

EVEN

QUESTIONED

Big

Book

page

Well

thats

exactly

what

this

book

is

about

Its

main

object

is

to

enable

you

to

find

a

Power

greater

than

yourself

which

will

solve

your

problem

That

means

we

have

written

a

book

which

we

believe

to

be

spiritual

as

well

as

moral

And

it

means

of

course

that

we

are

going

to

talk

about

God

Here

difficulty

arises

with

agnostics

Continue

reading

November

Blame

STEP

FOUR

STEP

SOLUTIONS

Self

Esteem

is

tied

to

step

four

along

with

Fear

Low

self

worth

breeds

fear

of

people

Page

of

the

Big

Book

verifys

this

Is

blame

a

character

defect

or

an

emotional

survival

skill

How

about

its

both

Blame

rears

its

ugly

head

in

ways

that

may

surprise

many

in

the

realm

of

recovery

Blame

accusation

and

just

plain

critical

fault

finding

is

an

unhealthy

survival

skill

for

those

of

us

who

learned

how

to

live

through

a

life

of

addiction

without

snuffing

ourselves

out

because

of

guilt

Continue

reading

November

A

True

Story

of

ReDeliverance

from

Drug

Addiction

POWERFUL

MY

GOD

IS

POWERFUL

A

SINNERS

VISION

I

am

a

delivered

drug

addictmeansrescued

by

a

Higher

Power

revived

awoken

set

free

from

obsession

and

a

reprobate

mind

put

on

another

path

I

was

as

devoted

to

drugs

as

any

slave

could

be

Finding

and

seeking

drugs

was

my

primary

purpose

and

I

did

most

every

demoralizing

thing

a

woman

can

do

to

get

money

and

drugs

What

I

did

to

myself

was

traumatic

and

devastated

my

emotions

my

health

and

my

mental

condition

My

first

deliverance

came

after

a

horrific

run

of

drug

and

alcohol

abuse

that

stopped

when

I

was

Cocaine

abuse

was

the

straw

Continue

reading

October

Addiction

Manage

by

Chris

Joubert

Recovery

Farmhouse

hopes

to

see

more

stories

and

insight

from

Chris

Joubert

in

the

near

future

Chris

Joubert

a

recovered

addict

shares

from

his

up

and

coming

book

on

addiction

and

recovery

He

speaks

and

writes

in

a

grounded

and

emotionally

sober

manner

His

tone

seems

to

exude

a

certain

peace

and

serenity

as

he

shares

on

topics

of

spirituality

and

the

disease

concept

I

have

to

mention

says

Chris

I

had

a

great

mentor

called

Pastor

Sophos

Nissiotis

the

founder

of

Noupoort

Christian

Care

Centre

His

understanding

of

addiction

is

unparalleled

Continue

reading

September

AA

Juggernauts

Please

try

to

apply

this

to

yourself

or

it

wont

do

you

any

good

Open

your

mind

to

free

your

identity

Prayer

and

step

three

are

a

prerequisite

to

all

recovery

steps

and

exercises

for

guidance

and

direction

for

revelation

and

epiphany

for

self

awareness

and

cutting

through

the

ego

Continue

reading

July

Why

Do

Some

Members

Defensively

Whitewash

Alcoholics

Anonymous

Why

Whitewash

anything

for

that

matter

Definition

of

Whitewash

To

ignore

any

imperfection

shortcoming

or

flaw

To

view

a

person

place

or

thing

as

flawless

Addicts

are

not

bad

people

trying

to

get

good

They

are

sick

people

trying

to

get

well

first

and

foremost

In

my

interactions

with

various

Facebook

recovery

groups

I

have

noticed

a

pattern

that

emerges

often

in

threads

With

diligence

members

can

not

accept

one

tither

of

negative

information

in

about

or

around

their

program

of

AA

And

God

forbid

I

make

a

remark

about

one

of

our

founding

fathers

being

wrong

making

a

mistake

or

acting

out

in

character

defects

Oh

hell

no

The

members

scream

from

their

hot

keyboards

as

they

spit

and

fume

while

rambling

out

their

reaction

to

a

perceived

insult

Continue

reading

March

Relapse

Sucks

Relapse

Feels

Horrible

Here

is

a

great

solution

for

the

remorse

Its

one

little

assignment

that

is

tried

and

trueif

we

can

just

pick

up

a

pencil

and

paper

to

do

it

Relapse

brings

up

a

lot

of

guilt

and

shame

which

sucks

however

it

is

the

perfect

time

to

get

some

serious

baggage

off

of

our

heart

Building

selfesteem

happens

when

we

take

one

right

action

at

a

time

First

thing

write

core

feelings

Write

the

selfloathing

and

the

feelings

of

utter

worthlessness

you

feel

Example

I

feel

like

a

failure

I

hate

myself

for

the

things

I

have

done

to

me

and

others

children

especially

Write

the

fears

associated

with

thoughts

like

I

let

down

my

fellows

what

will

they

think

of

me

now

I

want

people

to

like

me

Continue

reading

January

From

Recovering

to

Recovered

When

is

it

Okay

for

an

Addict

to

Move

from

Recovering

into

Recovered

If

we

believe

we

are

emotionally

and

spiritually

healed

and

have

done

much

work

on

ourselves

in

those

areas

with

Gods

help

and

do

not

want

to

drink

We

may

be

recovered

for

real

To

thine

own

self

be

true

This

is

the

Foreword

to

the

Big

Book

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

as

it

appeared

in

the

first

printing

of

the

first

edition

in

WE

OF

Alcoholics

Anonymous

are

more

than

one

hundred

men

and

women

who

have

recovered

from

a

seemingly

hopeless

state

of

mind

and

body

To

show

other

alcoholics

PRECISELY

HOW

WE

HAVE

RECOVERED

is

the

main

purpose

of

this

book

For

them

we

hope

these

pages

will

prove

so

convincing

that

no

further

authentication

will

be

necessary

Continue

reading

January

Adult

Children

of

Alcoholics

can

be

a

Place

of

Healing

If

we

are

willing

and

honest

Scroll

to

the

audio

below

Please

enjoy

the

speaker

meeting

recording

below

a

testimony

from

Beth

P

of

ACOA

There

is

a

lot

of

core

level

work

on

addiction

and

core

issue

causes

of

addiction

going

on

in

ACOA

Adult

Children

of

Alcoholics

a

step

program

according

to

fellow

and

friend

Beth

P

Beth

is

moderator

and

peacemaker

in

my

favorite

Facebook

recovery

group

Friends

of

Bill

and

Bob

to

join

the

fb

recovery

group

click

this

link

CLICK

ARROW

BELOW

FOR

AUDIO

OF

BETH

P

December

Deryck

Whibley

on

Alcohol

Addiction

Deryck

Whibley

on

Alcohol

Addiction

From

the

People

Music

website

link

here

While

Sum

fans

knew

frontman

Deryck

Whibley

for

his

catchy

punkrock

anthems

and

electric

live

shows

behind

the

scenes

the

singer

found

himself

battling

with

some

serious

demons

including

a

nearly

fatal

alcohol

addiction

Now

healthy

and

happily

remarried

the

musician

who

was

married

to

Avril

Lavigne

before

their

split

opened

up

to

PEOPLE

about

hitting

rock

bottom

his

journey

to

sobriety

and

Sum

new

album

Voices

which

Whibley

and

the

band

will

be

touring

behind

through

March

READ

MORE

HERE

How

has

the

whole

process

of

getting

out

there

and

performing

changed

since

your

recovery

November

God

Is

Either

All

or

HeSheIt

Is

Nothing

httpsrecoveryfarmhousecom

I

heard

a

women

at

a

meeting

tonight

share

this

When

I

expressed

fear

my

sponsor

told

me

that

God

is

either

everything

or

Hes

nothing

The

sponsor

made

a

typical

example

of

the

extreme

thinking

closed

mindedness

and

lack

of

balance

addicts

often

experience

Why

do

I

disagree

with

the

statement

Because

THERE

IS

A

WHOLE

LOTTA

GOD

WHO

LIVES

BETWEEN

ALL

AND

NOTHING

Continue

reading

August

Why

does

HIGH

FASHION

often

imitate

LOWLIFE

And

irritating

status

quos

Why

does

HIGH

FASHION

often

imitate

LOWLIFE

And

some

thought

on

annoying

status

quos

MJ

artistically

grabs

crotch

Who

IS

Chris

Brown

anyway

So

Artistic

Heroin

Addict

Model

Look

Captain

Kirk

and

NumbaOne

are

highly

ashamed

of

the

extremely

lowriding

ghetto

shorts

and

the

penis

coddling

associated

with

it

in

Earth

They

are

strictly

tightywhitie

boys

in

high

rise

pants

And

they

have

that

right

by

God

Continue

reading

August

Although

I

Search

Myself

its

Always

Someone

Else

I

See

John

Your

browser

does

not

currently

recognize

any

of

the

video

formats

available

Click

here

to

visit

our

frequently

asked

questions

about

video

Addicts

are

really

good

at

one

thingthe

game

of

denial

I

blinded

myself

for

many

years

Am

I

an

addict

Addiction

is

a

symptom

What

other

symptoms

do

I

have

going

on

that

may

reveal

to

me

what

my

addiction

was

really

about

In

a

crowded

room

full

of

people

would

I

be

attracted

to

the

sickest

person

in

the

room

Have

my

relationships

been

riddled

with

abuse

and

betrayal

Do

I

have

a

problems

communicating

on

a

respectful

level

when

I

am

upset

Do

I

fear

my

feelings

because

they

make

me

intensely

miserable

Do

I

have

a

hard

time

sharing

my

fears

and

opening

up

to

people

Do

I

have

a

hard

time

sharing

my

most

intimate

feelings

hopes

and

dreams

Do

I

have

ANXIETY

ANGER

DEPRESSION

LOW

SELF

ESTEEM

What

about

mental

health

problems

such

as

depression

eating

disorders

posttraumatic

Continue

reading

July

I

am

not

Responsible

When

Anyone

Anywhere

The

Responsibility

Pledge

borders

on

a

breach

in

the

principle

that

AA

was

built

on

there

are

no

dues

or

fees

for

AA

membership

The

pledge

though

wellmeaning

is

a

contradiction

to

our

AA

founding

principle

of

no

dues

and

especially

NO

HIDDEN

FEES

The

advantages

and

core

level

recovery

that

doing

service

work

gives

us

is

vital

for

us

to

stay

sober

Telling

our

story

and

chairing

meetings

going

to

jails

and

institutions

to

carry

the

message

sponsorship

helping

others

all

these

things

carve

out

our

very

self

worth

and

emotional

healing

that

we

desperately

need

in

recovery

Continue

reading

July

You

Must

have

Mistook

me

for

Someone

Who

Gives

a

Shit

Truly

some

people

who

really

do

give

a

shit

have

no

idea

or

ability

to

show

it

in

a

Loving

way

At

least

thats

what

I

am

hoping

considering

the

actions

of

many

people

in

the

world

today

We

have

all

heard

the

sarcastic

comment

that

rolls

off

the

tongues

of

those

who

want

to

make

known

to

us

all

that

they

dont

care

about

us

or

anyone

They

pretend

they

can

not

be

hurt

because

they

are

emotionally

bulletproof

I

dont

know

about

you

but

I

have

made

peace

with

the

fact

that

I

am

human

and

like

to

know

I

am

cared

for

liked

and

loved

Thing

is

with

this

awareness

of

the

vulnerable

human

condition

of

my

own

heart

comes

more

unpleasant

truths

Continue

reading

July

WHAT

IS

THE

MESSAGE

HIDDEN

IN

THE

MESSAGE

When

I

watch

the

news

or

read

ads

on

my

Facebook

twitter

ebay

or

any

other

media

input

even

when

I

have

conversations

with

other

peopleI

ask

myself

What

do

they

want

What

are

they

really

saying

and

why

For

the

last

ten

years

since

the

onslaught

of

social

media

developers

have

been

working

hard

for

powerful

people

They

have

been

finding

and

perfecting

new

ways

to

PROFILE

YOU

and

we

the

people

What

they

are

doing

with

this

mind

power

is

open

to

the

highest

bidder

Money

is

power

and

the

powerful

want

more

power

Just

be

aware

Choose

PROPAGANDA

TECHNIQUES

June

Domestic

Violence

Is

Epidemic

in

the

US

Beyond

Beyond

the

US

in

many

places

domestic

violence

is

not

considered

a

crime

see

definition

and

info

see

original

article

now

The

number

of

American

troops

killed

in

Afghanistan

and

Iraq

between

and

was

The

number

of

American

women

who

were

murdered

by

current

or

ex

male

partners

during

that

time

was

Thats

nearly

double

the

amount

of

casualties

lost

during

war

Women

are

much

more

likely

to

be

victims

of

intimate

partner

violence

with

percent

of

domestic

abuse

victims

being

women

and

percent

men

Too

many

women

have

been

held

captive

by

domestic

violence

whether

through

physical

abuse

financial

abuse

emotional

abuse

or

a

combination

of

all

three

We

are

inundated

with

news

stories

about

domestic

violence

from

athletes

beating

their

significant

others

in

public

elevators

or

in

their

own

homes

to

celebrities

publicly

abusing

their

girlfriends

This

problem

is

not

one

that

will

go

away

quickly

or

quietly

As

Domestic

Violence

Awareness

Month

comes

to

an

end

discussions

about

intimate

partner

abuse

and

its

horrible

repercussions

should

not

In

an

attempt

to

illustrate

the

gravity

of

abuse

all

genders

but

largely

women

face

in

the

US

we

rounded

up

statistics

on

domestic

violence

Domestic

violence

is

not

a

singular

incident

its

an

insidious

problem

deeply

rooted

in

our

culture

and

these

numbers

prove

that

Read

the

staggering

statistics

original

article

at

the

Huffington

Post

More

statistics

article

here

June

Cocaine

Trauma

Deliverance

I

grew

up

in

the

in

Tampa

There

was

Cocaine

everywhere

Long

story

short

I

became

deeply

addicted

to

injecting

ether

based

Cocaine

After

a

few

years

and

a

few

overdoses

I

ended

up

with

the

worst

paranoia

and

fear

I

can

imagine

I

had

one

overdose

where

I

died

and

was

brought

back

with

CPR

I

literally

went

to

death

and

hell

and

a

place

of

bondage

that

I

could

not

get

out

of

Thank

God

I

was

given

CPR

it

was

like

clawing

my

way

out

of

Hell

I

did

not

come

back

easy

After

that

I

Continue

reading

April

People

Are

Often

Bitches

People

Can

Be

Ruthless

at

Times

With

no

consideration

for

the

future

or

Karmic

Law

BUYER

BEWARE

So

sorry

to

be

negative

but

I

need

to

vent

My

daughter

and

me

got

ripped

off

by

an

Acceptance

Now

salesman

at

HHGregg

Usually

the

deal

on

rentalpurchase

agreements

are

you

pay

in

days

and

there

is

little

to

no

interest

Just

like

Cash

they

advertise

I

have

purchased

from

them

before

and

everything

went

smoothly

I

paid

the

balance

off

in

time

and

had

little

interest

However

that

waswit

a

different

sales

person

Continue

reading

March

What

does

it

mean

to

FAKE

IT

TILL

YOU

MAKE

IT

WE

CAN

CHANGE

THE

WAY

WE

FEEL

MOVE

A

MUSCLE

CHANGE

A

THOUGHT

What

this

means

is

live

your

life

Get

up

go

to

work

go

to

meetings

work

with

your

sponsor

chair

meetings

work

the

steps

take

showers

eat

food

exercise

have

fun

and

all

the

rest

of

the

recovery

life

stuff

that

we

do

as

members

of

life

and

sobriety

It

means

dont

let

our

feelings

paralyze

us

Even

though

we

may

feel

like

we

are

falling

from

the

highest

building

in

existence

we

dont

leton

Even

though

we

feel

like

a

vase

ready

to

crack

we

put

one

foot

in

front

of

the

other

and

know

that

if

we

move

January

Step

One

with

Father

Martin

Father

Martin

talks

about

Step

One

in

this

video

as

only

he

can

您的瀏覽器目前無法識別任何可用的影片格式

按一下這裡以瀏覽關於

影片的常見問題

November

Dont

Judge

Your

Insides

by

Other

Peoples

Outsides

October

Famous

Actors

and

Actresses

Who

Have

Battled

Drug

Addiction

and

Alcoholism

Who

says

sobrietys

not

fun

two

Cougars

and

a

Tigris

From

Drugabusecom

Drew

Barrymore

Former

child

star

Drew

Barrymores

drug

abuse

in

her

teenage

years

found

her

controversial

fame

including

two

trips

to

rehab

that

motivated

her

to

get

back

on

track

with

her

career

MaryKate

Olsen

Full

House

actress

MaryKate

Olsen

suffered

with

anorexia

and

a

related

cocaine

addiction

that

led

her

to

rehab

The

Olsen

twins

have

since

designed

a

pillcovered

handbag

Lindsay

Lohan

Once

the

adorable

child

star

in

the

original

film

The

Parent

Trap

Lindsay

Lohan

has

since

lost

control

of

her

life

including

cocaine

and

alcohol

abuse

DUI

arrests

jail

time

and

multiple

stints

in

rehab

Tila

Tequila

Bisexual

reality

dating

star

Tila

Tequila

is

known

for

her

publicity

stunts

and

drug

use

Mischa

Barton

The

OC

star

Mischa

Barton

has

gotten

more

press

for

drug

use

than

for

acting

Her

DUI

and

marijuana

possession

have

kept

her

in

the

spotlight

SEE

THE

OF

THE

ARTICLE

HEREFAMOUS

PEOPLES

STRUGGLE

PICTURES

AT

DRUG

ABUSE

COM

October

Imagine

you

are

in

a

relationship

for

years

Imagine

Your

in

a

Relationship

for

Years

Poll

of

the

Week

Imagine

you

are

in

a

relationship

for

years

and

all

is

going

well

There

is

romance

trust

and

love

between

you

both

Then

all

the

sudden

you

meet

someone

new

and

you

can

not

get

them

off

your

mind

There

is

an

unstoppable

attraction

that

is

driving

you

nuts

Hammock

Buddha

hails

from

Japan

and

he

just

posed

that

question

in

the

polls

The

reaction

has

been

nothing

short

of

extraordinary

so

please

visit

the

link

above

to

login

and

kindly

share

your

thoughts

Find

the

answers

to

this

question

hereclick

now

October

Addicts

Alcoholics

and

Manipulation

THE

FINE

ART

OF

MANIPULATION

Most

humans

are

skilled

in

the

art

of

emotional

manipulation

even

if

we

are

unaware

of

it

Thing

is

we

have

learned

controlling

people

works

better

through

dishonest

means

rather

than

the

honest

approach

Unfortunately

that

makes

for

sick

relationships

and

a

loss

of

Love

And

lets

face

it

AA

and

are

full

of

dysfunctional

relationships

Unfortunately

sick

guidance

is

rampant

in

AA

but

its

still

one

of

the

best

ways

to

get

sober

That

is

if

you

also

seek

God

and

get

some

empathic

therapy

along

with

it

And

absolutely

read

the

Big

Book

for

yourself

and

go

One

reason

we

do

the

steps

is

so

we

can

become

aware

of

our

character

patterns

both

healthy

and

unhealthy

Oftentimes

active

addicts

have

enablers

who

help

us

get

our

much

desired

dope

and

money

We

may

feel

reliant

on

enablers

for

something

Therefore

we

often

feel

we

must

handle

our

enablers

in

a

way

they

will

react

and

behave

as

we

want

them

to

We

are

skilled

in

the

art

of

getting

a

desired

reaction

from

our

foe

persay

Continue

reading

October

Bring

Me

the

Horizons

Oli

Sykes

Interviews

and

Video

OLI

SYKES

Bollocks

to

addictions

political

correctness

Click

here

to

SKIP

COMMENTARY

I

will

be

candid

I

never

heard

of

this

guy

or

his

band

Bring

me

the

Horizonsuntil

today

however

I

like

the

way

he

thinks

And

what

this

title

means

Bollocks

in

Englands

terminology

is

basically

Screw

addictions

political

correctness

YES

A

man

after

my

own

heart

He

does

not

see

addiction

as

a

diseasefor

him

anyway

And

even

better

he

calls

for

a

celebration

of

depression

He

isnt

saying

that

depression

is

great

and

we

should

all

band

together

and

pray

for

more

of

it

No

rather

he

is

saying

feel

your

feelings

rather

than

trying

to

chronically

fend

them

off

and

repress

We

need

no

longer

fear

our

feelings

but

rather

let

them

flow

through

us

To

do

that

we

must

accept

them

I

can

relate

This

theory

is

the

foundation

of

healing

Maybe

that

is

why

he

Picture

this

a

large

Martini

glass

tall

green

olive

plastic

sword

and

lots

of

Vodka

and

Vermouth

On

the

rim

is

me

in

a

pink

tutu

doing

a

balancing

act

A

long

balancing

pole

and

meetings

a

week

are

the

only

thing

preventing

my

decent

into

the

poignant

liquid

by

which

I

would

get

an

instant

intoxication

followed

by

a

hour

ride

to

the

same

place

I

left

on

my

sobriety

date

ten

years

ago

SCREW

THE

DISEASE

CONCEPT

sorry

folks

I

am

not

buying

that

pig

to

market

Granted

disease

is

a

safe

concept

for

the

first

or

years

of

healing

but

after

thatif

I

still

need

meetings

a

week

then

I

have

not

learned

to

live

the

program

of

steps

and

have

barked

I

mean

balked

at

outside

help

Please

allow

yourself

to

cry

all

the

tears

you

stuffed

down

all

those

years

of

addiction

Yes

I

am

saying

crying

for

two

or

three

years

pretty

regularly

share

journal

make

a

God

box

basically

allow

yourself

some

emotional

diarrhea

to

heal

Your

heart

is

not

a

tough

girl

The

Interview

on

Video

SEE

from

APTVs

Ryan

J

Downey

Musician

Oli

Sykes

speaks

about

his

critics

They

want

you

to

say

whats

in

line

with

what

their

experience

is

like

They

say

like

How

dare

you

say

drug

addiction

is

not

a

disease

I

am

telling

you

its

NOT

thats

what

I

think

Addiction

is

not

a

disease

says

Oli

Sykes

perturbed

that

people

are

offended

by

his

own

experience

He

shared

how

he

overcame

his

addiction

to

drugs

and

some

people

were

offended

because

he

believes

addiction

is

NOT

a

disease

Band

Bring

Me

the

Horizons

Oli

Sykes

on

Depression

and

Inspiration

from

Louis

CK

Oliver

says

People

have

become

so

scared

just

to

be

alone

with

their

feelings

and

their

thoughts

And

I

realized

that

for

me

a

massive

part

in

sorting

myself

out

was

accepting

what

Im

feeling

and

just

sort

of

letting

myself

experience

it

the

whole

albums

about

the

celebration

of

depressionnot

saying

Yeah

its

a

good

thing

to

be

depressed

but

that

its

better

to

accept

depression

rather

than

trying

to

block

out

the

darkness

Its

about

accepting

it

accepting

who

you

are

and

accepting

what

life

is

October

THE

DAY

THE

SILENCE

ENDS

Its

Time

On

October

in

Washington

DC

more

than

organizations

from

around

the

world

will

gather

in

a

show

of

solidarity

and

collective

force

Together

we

can

help

the

million

Americans

with

addiction

stand

up

for

the

million

more

in

recovery

and

urgently

act

to

save

the

lives

lost

each

day

The

free

event

will

feature

live

musical

performances

from

Joe

Walsh

Steven

Tyler

Sheryl

Crow

The

Fray

Jason

Isbell

Aloe

Blacc

John

Rzeznik

and

more

September

A

NonTheists

View

of

AA

HIGHLIGHTS

FROM

THE

ARTICLE

The

God

of

Coincidence

TAKEN

FROM

AAagnostica

website

According

to

the

AAagnostica

website

most

AAs

believe

in

a

god

of

coincidence

because

God

reveals

Its

power

in

what

seem

to

be

coincidences

yet

AAs

believe

there

are

no

coincidences

Therefore

when

things

happen

just

the

way

they

are

supposed

to

apparently

God

is

working

in

our

lives

Tom

P

writes

The

dominant

AA

creed

I

have

found

in

meetings

and

in

the

Grapevine

is

that

there

is

a

God

who

is

always

with

us

watching

us

and

He

sometimes

arranges

coincidences

that

have

good

outcomes

or

if

something

bad

happens

He

allows

it

to

happen

in

order

to

teach

us

important

lessons

or

because

it

leads

to

personal

growth

Yet

it

seems

that

if

members

wish

to

belong

to

the

AA

club

they

adopt

the

dominant

AA

creed

of

the

God

of

Coincidence

How

else

can

you

explain

that

otherwise

intelligent

and

savvy

people

would

discount

the

obvious

explanation

that

Member

and

Author

Tom

P

calls

himself

a

nontheist

What

is

a

nontheist

Theist

God

exists

Nontheist

Prove

it

Seems

that

the

Atheists

just

want

to

fit

in

and

be

a

part

of

But

the

word

God

in

the

steps

is

eating

their

lunch

And

so

they

are

fighting

to

start

a

group

or

a

sect

of

AA

that

isnt

rittled

with

mentions

of

God

and

The

Higher

Power

One

quote

from

AAagnostica

site

is

this

the

Definition

of

Religion

The

biggest

lie

in

human

history

It

has

been

responsible

for

more

deaths

in

more

wars

than

any

Tom

P

also

wrote

Yet

we

also

want

people

to

discover

and

embrace

their

true

selves

and

for

some

of

us

adopting

the

God

of

Coincidence

or

labeling

anything

as

a

Higher

Powerwould

be

a

selfbetrayal

I

love

AA

it

saved

my

life

and

I

have

no

Higher

Power

Tom

P

is

a

physician

who

spent

twenty

years

working

in

mental

health

Tom

sees

no

evidence

that

the

universe

cares

whether

the

Earth

or

us

homo

sapiens

are

here

or

not

but

he

also

thinks

that

AA

demonstrates

the

great

good

humanity

can

do

when

we

hold

hands

unite

and

take

some

responsibility

for

one

another

Tom

also

says

I

wish

I

did

not

have

to

talkaround

the

Higher

Power

issue

when

I

am

sharing

in

meetings

to

hide

a

part

of

myself

But

then

again

it

has

not

been

too

hard

for

me

to

do

I

have

had

a

lifetime

of

practice

From

the

author

Thanks

to

everybody

for

your

positive

comments

While

I

go

to

AA

meetings

I

actually

feel

more

at

home

and

nurtured

in

AlAnon

Among

other

things

there

is

less

crosstalk

less

fundamentalism

and

a

better

adherence

to

the

principle

of

take

what

you

want

and

leave

the

rest

I

dont

know

if

it

will

work

for

you

but

it

works

for

me

I

admit

it

still

stings

a

little

whenever

the

God

issue

comes

up

in

meetings

I

have

as

much

a

need

to

belong

as

anybody

does

One

has

to

be

careful

as

some

AAs

will

prompt

you

to

just

ignore

feelings

like

this

Thankfully

I

also

have

Adult

Children

of

Alcoholics

where

I

can

accept

my

feelings

whatever

they

are

and

get

to

know

my

true

self

TP

Comment

Next

comment

Chris

G

on

September

at

pm

said

Mostly

there

is

some

parroting

of

My

HP

guides

me

and

so

on

but

I

dont

engage

READ

ORIGINAL

ARTICLE

THE

GOD

OF

COINCIDENCE

September

THANK

GOD

FOR

THE

PROGRAM

OF

AA

The

Good

The

Bad

And

The

Uglyall

of

it

Please

dont

white

wash

AA

If

Alcoholics

Anonymous

was

perfect

I

would

not

fit

in

THANK

GOD

FOR

THE

PROGRAM

OF

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

I

truly

believe

that

if

it

were

not

for

AA

I

would

not

be

sober

or

sane

today

This

is

my

anniversary

month

and

I

want

to

express

how

grateful

I

truly

am

for

the

program

Please

Gainesville

AA

gratitude

is

a

state

of

mind

and

a

feeling

not

an

action

I

will

not

go

gratituding

if

gratitude

were

an

action

word

the

ing

would

be

correct

I

will

express

my

gratitude

by

doing

some

step

service

work

Ok

yes

this

is

one

of

my

pet

peeves

about

Gainesville

AA

The

PIRATE

DICTIONARY

by

which

they

feel

they

can

However

I

am

making

a

point

here

In

spite

of

all

the

little

errors

and

cultish

beliefs

of

AA

members

the

program

works

In

spite

of

the

fact

that

my

own

sponsor

has

stalked

her

boyfriend

to

the

gates

of

insanity

In

spite

of

the

fact

that

most

AAers

are

working

hard

on

smoking

themselves

to

death

with

cigarettes

still

I

salute

you

And

in

spite

of

the

fact

that

the

majority

of

members

reek

of

codependency

the

program

still

works

The

steps

are

still

ordained

of

God

and

set

down

as

a

solution

for

the

sick

and

suffering

In

spite

of

the

fact

that

Bill

W

spent

countless

years

suffering

from

depression

and

engaging

in

infidelity

THE

PROGRAM

WORKS

AND

IT

HAS

SAVED

Mine

AND

COUNTLESS

LIVES

The

question

that

I

personally

had

to

ask

myself

as

I

stumbled

into

the

rooms

was

What

do

I

need

and

can

I

get

it

here

That

answer

was

yes

these

people

obviously

knew

and

know

how

to

stay

sober

and

I

desperately

needed

that

So

I

hung

in

there

with

that

character

defect

ridden

sponsor

as

she

took

the

time

to

spoon

feed

me

the

solutions

I

so

desperately

needed

And

I

watched

as

she

kept

herself

sober

by

the

Steps

of

AA

And

she

picked

up

her

own

year

medallion

years

ago

I

hung

in

with

years

of

meetings

and

worked

the

steps

over

and

over

year

in

and

year

out

until

I

knew

and

worked

recovery

as

a

way

of

life

I

taught

others

I

made

suggestions

and

I

shared

in

countless

meetings

jails

and

rehabs

I

had

a

knack

for

speaking

and

I

could

present

the

steps

like

a

pro

In

AA

you

can

learn

and

practice

public

speaking

in

front

of

hundreds

of

listeners

free

of

charge

I

loved

it

I

didnt

come

to

AA

looking

for

perfection

I

came

looking

for

a

solution

to

my

self

destructive

life

patterns

So

now

as

I

approach

my

tenth

year

sober

without

a

hit

of

crack

cocaine

or

a

shot

of

heroin

I

still

balk

at

the

cultish

dogma

And

I

sometimes

sneer

at

the

nonempathic

beatdowns

going

on

between

members

I

look

on

as

my

brothers

and

sisters

that

I

love

stay

sober

and

do

a

little

bitching

themselves

about

certain

aspects

of

the

program

One

of

the

most

brilliant

counselors

and

l

ongtime

members

in

the

program

that

has

helped

thousands

upon

thousands

by

his

knowledge

and

ability

to

characteristically

share

wrote

a

book

called

The

Lies

Told

in

AA

Does

that

mean

that

he

will

walk

away

from

the

program

because

it

is

now

full

of

imperfect

people

HELL

NO

We

must

get

outside

help

where

we

can

where

we

fit

in

People

do

get

sober

in

church

I

did

that

myself

one

time

for

several

years

BUT

the

thing

is

I

never

really

fit

in

there

like

I

do

in

AA

Church

people

are

very

much

like

program

people

As

a

matter

of

fact

church

people

appear

to

have

that

same

empty

black

hole

in

their

soul

that

they

must

fill

with

God

to

be

OK

We

AAers

have

that

in

common

with

the

church

folks

Best

if

you

are

trying

to

stay

sober

to

go

to

church

AA

AND

THERAPY

Go

in

spite

of

the

imperfections

that

are

part

of

the

human

condition

Go

and

get

your

psychic

change

my

friend

because

you

have

earned

your

seat

and

its

empty

and

waiting

for

you

So

thank

you

AA

therapy

church

and

my

own

Higher

Power

for

saving

my

life

so

I

can

engage

in

my

own

character

defects

growing

old

and

the

joys

of

life

that

sobriety

has

most

definitely

brought

me

THANK

YOU

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

AND

GOD

September

WHY

AN

AA

MEMBER

RESENTS

THE

HELL

OUT

OF

AA

This

is

not

an

anti

AA

website

please

randomly

read

any

article

and

you

will

see

that

However

XXX

Anonymous

is

a

friend

of

RFH

and

we

have

allowed

her

to

vent

in

an

article

If

you

have

some

helpful

feedback

please

post

it

at

the

bottom

of

the

article

AN

AA

MEMBER

WRITES

WHY

I

RESENT

THE

HELL

OUT

OF

AA

My

name

is

XXX

Anonymous

and

I

am

an

alcoholic

I

have

struggled

to

stay

sober

for

years

I

have

tried

and

tried

beating

myself

up

all

along

the

way

Once

I

got

ten

years

sober

from

an

intense

bornagain

spiritual

experience

in

a

church

Well

I

am

still

bornagain

and

love

Christ

but

I

have

relapsed

times

since

that

experience

I

am

not

trying

to

compare

which

is

better

church

or

AA

because

I

have

learned

that

good

things

are

good

things

They

dont

cancel

each

other

out

and

they

are

not

in

a

race

or

competition

I

also

learned

that

Resentment

I

got

sober

this

time

on

April

I

know

for

a

fact

that

I

have

exactly

days

sober

or

months

days

sober

or

years

sober

due

to

the

sobriety

calculator

on

this

site

Big

deal

I

do

hate

myself

for

not

having

more

clean

time

Well

this

is

what

happened

BETRAYAL

I

got

a

sponsor

who

helped

me

so

much

that

I

had

nearly

a

year

sober

I

brought

her

to

my

house

and

introduced

her

to

my

family

and

husband

Come

to

find

out

she

has

a

lesser

secondary

addiction

called

SEX

ADDICTION

Which

okay

I

dont

judge

her

for

that

but

It

really

hurt

me

that

my

sponsor

betrayed

me

like

that

I

did

fire

her

and

get

a

new

one

Condemnation

from

my

fellows

So

I

worked

through

the

betrayal

and

then

my

doctor

who

knows

I

am

an

addict

put

me

on

a

medication

for

pain

I

had

a

bad

accident

and

the

pain

was

causing

me

to

stay

in

bed

When

I

told

one

or

two

of

my

friends

in

the

program

about

it

they

told

others

and

then

the

whole

group

knew

another

betrayal

If

that

wasnt

bad

enough

a

women

confronted

me

when

I

picked

up

my

medallion

She

said

your

not

sober

your

on

the

prescription

drug

bla

bla

bla

I

had

no

idea

that

drug

addicts

are

known

FAKE

PEOPLE

I

get

tired

of

so

many

people

in

meetings

pretending

that

their

lives

are

the

picture

of

serenity

They

never

have

any

problems

or

struggles

or

emotional

issues

They

get

sober

and

then

all

is

well

and

perfect

Thats

not

the

way

that

it

is

for

me

And

I

dont

believe

it

is

for

them

either

I

know

normal

people

who

have

day

to

day

struggles

I

know

alcoholics

that

have

day

to

day

struggles

why

do

they

think

they

have

to

portray

a

perfect

life

That

makes

me

feel

lesser

than

It

makes

me

feel

like

something

is

wrong

I

SOMETIMES

GET

RESENTM

ENTS

SO

I

GOT

AN

F

ON

MY

RECOVERY

TESTREPORT

CARD

Really

The

AA

club

I

go

to

acts

like

if

you

ever

get

a

resentment

then

you

failed

your

test

in

recovery

you

got

an

F

on

your

sobriety

report

card

But

really

in

real

life

everybody

gets

pissed

off

at

people

and

has

to

pray

for

them

until

the

resentment

is

finally

gone

So

why

do

so

many

members

want

to

make

AA

a

place

where

you

cant

be

honest

about

shortcomings

or

you

will

be

disfellowshiped

or

labelled

as

spiritually

unfit

Thats

it

These

are

the

reasons

I

resent

AA

at

the

moment

My

sponsor

says

you

cant

get

recovery

while

you

look

down

your

nose

at

it

She

says

pray

for

everyone

and

do

a

fourth

step

to

figure

out

why

I

am

mad

at

myself

and

God

I

WONT

LET

THESE

THINGS

PUSH

ME

OUT

OF

AA

I

still

go

to

meetings

I

wont

stop

because

its

the

best

thing

I

can

do

to

stay

sober

and

work

the

steps

I

keep

meeting

new

people

so

eventually

maybe

I

will

find

people

who

dont

portray

perfection

and

the

perfect

life

Because

in

AA

seems

there

are

two

types

of

people

Perfect

people

and

totally

worthless

people

Right

now

you

see

my

problem

These

people

dont

know

the

definition

of

balance

I

want

to

thank

Laura

Edgar

for

publish

this

article

on

her

website

She

said

that

all

aspects

of

AA

are

allowed

on

this

website

and

no

one

will

be

excluded

as

long

as

they

are

in

alignment

with

the

singleness

of

purpose

declaration

which

is

the

only

requirement

for

membership

IS

a

desire

to

stop

drinking

And

to

carry

the

message

to

the

alcoholic

who

still

suffers

Thank

God

that

Bill

and

Bob

knew

better

than

to

make

a

bunch

of

membership

requirements

They

were

the

right

men

for

the

job

werent

they

By

XXX

Anonymous

September

Restless

Irritable

and

Discontent

Its

Normal

and

Common

To

be

Sad

In

Recovery

For

No

Apparent

Reason

Well

the

common

consensus

in

AA

is

if

your

not

happy

joyous

and

free

then

its

your

own

fault

Your

obviously

not

working

the

program

right

or

you

would

be

ecstatic

with

joy

at

least

most

of

the

time

right

On

the

contrary

many

of

us

are

so

desperate

to

allow

some

of

our

long

repressed

grief

to

escape

that

we

will

latchon

to

any

sorrowful

event

no

matter

how

far

removed

from

us

it

really

is

just

to

have

something

valid

in

the

eyes

of

our

fellows

to

grieve

about

Please

I

need

to

let

out

some

of

this

Someone

dies

in

the

program

and

we

dont

even

know

them

much

more

than

a

distant

hello

but

its

an

opportunity

for

a

valid

expression

of

grief

so

we

grab

onto

it

with

the

rest

of

our

homegroup

who

barely

knew

the

guy

Hey

maybe

some

of

the

people

really

are

sad

the

fellow

diedbut

I

kinda

doubt

it

WE

DO

NOT

NEED

A

REASON

TO

LET

OUT

OUR

PAIN

THERE

DOES

NOT

HAVE

TO

BE

A

DEATH

OR

LOSS

FOR

US

TO

FEEL

INTENSE

EMOTIONAL

HURT

THE

ONLY

VALID

REASON

WE

NEED

TO

EXPRESS

PAIN

IS

THERE

ARE

MANY

THINGS

WHILE

IN

OUR

ADDICTION

WE

SHOULD

HAVE

CRIED

ABOUT

AND

DIDNT

THAT

REPRESSED

PAIN

DOES

NOT

GO

AWAY

IT

NEEDS

TO

BE

LETOUT

AND

IF

WE

IDENTIFY

THE

CORE

SOURCE

OF

OUR

PAIN

DURING

THE

VENTING

AND

EXPRESSION

THEN

ALL

THE

BETTER

FOR

OUR

HEALING

In

this

human

life

there

are

many

things

to

grieve

over

Sickness

disease

loneliness

emotional

disorder

loss

Please

be

kind

to

yourself

If

your

heart

is

screaming

to

cry

we

must

not

turn

it

to

anger

and

criticism

it

does

not

get

released

or

healed

that

way

Rather

we

have

the

steps

to

help

us

to

be

restored

to

emotional

balance

and

peace

of

mind

Quality

emotional

sobriety

has

many

faces

and

sadness

for

no

apparent

reason

is

one

of

them

Your

not

in

recovery

if

you

dont

feel

hurt

and

sad

or

scared

for

no

apparent

reason

Most

of

the

people

telling

us

we

are

supposed

to

be

happy

all

of

the

time

have

no

idea

what

emotional

balance

really

looks

or

feels

like

Crying

is

a

healthy

emotion

Grieving

is

a

healthy

emotion

and

there

does

not

have

to

be

a

death

for

us

to

feel

real

grief

Especially

in

recovery

because

many

of

us

didnt

grieve

or

feel

our

pain

while

in

addiction

We

stuffed

it

down

and

now

that

we

are

sober

it

is

surfacing

We

may

need

to

grieve

when

there

is

seemingly

nothing

going

on

except

the

fact

that

we

are

recovering

from

an

emotional

trauma

I

am

validating

you

now

Its

OK

to

grieve

when

no

one

has

died

Its

OK

to

cry

when

we

see

no

apparent

reason

We

should

honor

our

feelings

Honor

our

heart

when

it

talks

to

us

We

do

not

let

our

feelings

rule

over

us

or

paralyze

us

but

neither

do

we

continue

to

ignore

deny

invalidate

our

own

hearts

cry

HOW

DO

WE

GRIEVE

Healthy

grieving

will

prevent

morbid

reflection

because

it

gets

the

pain

out

Morbid

reflection

is

when

the

negative

tape

wont

stop

playing

in

our

head

Doing

a

fourth

step

on

recurring

memories

works

fabulously

as

does

revisiting

our

Step

Thats

right

God

has

my

back

and

I

am

forgiven

To

grieve

we

cry

we

write

we

share

our

feelings

with

someone

who

WONT

SHUT

US

DOWN

OR

INVALIDATE

OUR

PAIN

We

grieve

to

the

emphatic

person

who

understands

and

wont

call

our

grieving

a

character

defect

like

selfpity

A

good

cry

can

release

many

relaxing

endorphin

and

the

vital

chemical

dopamine

A

good

cry

can

put

our

brain

chemicals

back

on

track

Our

Brain

Will

Heal

Dont

believe

for

a

minute

that

your

brain

cant

be

healed

and

create

its

own

endorphin

and

dopamine

I

have

read

and

heard

it

said

but

my

experience

is

that

feel

good

chemicals

can

go

into

overdrive

in

recovery

Cut

down

on

your

smoking

for

a

day

or

two

and

then

see

what

happens

when

you

do

have

say

cigarettes

a

day

OMG

Not

to

mention

sex

and

orgasms

are

always

best

in

early

recovery

from

my

experience

If

you

dont

get

the

red

Ford

Mustang

that

you

wanted

and

are

throwing

a

hissy

fit

over

it

well

that

would

be

selfpity

but

if

you

are

feeling

deep

emotional

pain

and

sorrow

yet

nothing

is

going

on

then

write

The

core

issues

will

surface

Often

when

an

emotional

trauma

from

the

past

is

surfacing

we

will

have

a

recurring

memory

attached

to

the

pain

Normally

we

cast

the

thought

aside

but

we

should

explore

the

thought

instead

Recurring

memories

are

signalling

us

to

do

some

work

in

that

area

of

our

past

Were

we

wronged

If

its

a

memory

from

our

childhood

we

should

picture

ourselves

as

a

child

not

as

an

adult

who

says

get

over

it

When

we

picture

ourselves

We

cant

heal

while

we

stay

in

defensive

mode

PLEASE

THERE

IS

A

REASON

WE

HAVE

BEEN

TRYING

TO

NUMB

OUR

FEELINGS

FOR

YEARS

ON

END

IT

DOESNT

MEAN

WE

ARE

BAD

OR

OUR

PARENTS

ARE

BAD

If

we

stay

defensive

of

everything

and

every

one

we

will

never

get

to

our

core

issues

because

we

will

be

too

busy

trying

to

shoot

down

any

semblance

of

guilt

in

us

or

the

adults

who

raised

us

We

can

not

see

clearly

when

we

are

too

busy

holding

walls

up

around

us

which

are

blocking

our

view

of

truth

Truth

is

our

healer

Truth

is

our

friend

Unlike

our

past

in

recovery

the

lie

becomes

the

enemy

and

truth

becomes

our

protector

The

lie

doesnt

protect

us

it

harms

us

Character

defects

do

not

protect

us

from

others

I

used

to

think

that

character

defects

hurt

others

That

if

I

engaged

in

them

it

would

hurt

other

people

But

character

flaws

hurt

me

first

and

foremost

Please

selfpity

is

not

the

same

as

valid

emotion

Selfpity

is

pouting

over

not

getting

our

way

I

know

it

is

so

similar

to

authentic

pain

of

loss

that

many

AAs

really

dont

know

the

difference

But

if

you

do

the

journalling

you

will

quickly

find

out

what

is

really

going

on

with

your

heart

Many

times

the

pen

is

like

magic

It

reveals

our

reasons

for

grief

and

sadness

Lastly

Being

afraid

is

part

of

the

human

condition

and

thats

why

there

is

a

fear

list

Which

most

members

dont

even

include

in

their

fourth

step

included

in

the

fourth

step

and

dont

forget

your

sexual

inventory

Please

dont

believe

the

steps

are

only

done

one

time

and

then

the

work

is

over

A

fourth

step

should

be

done

every

time

we

get

a

taste

of

misery

deep

emotional

pain

and

resentment

AA

is

strong

in

dealing

with

our

own

faults

and

wrongs

But

many

of

us

have

suffered

whether

at

the

hand

of

a

loving

or

a

cruel

adult

After

allits

hard

for

me

to

imagine

a

child

with

a

healthy

emotional

rearing

to

resort

to

selfdestruction

and

selfhate

and

loathing

because

of

their

wonderful

childhood

If

you

dont

know

the

why

you

became

an

addict

you

are

missing

a

large

part

of

what

recovery

is

Many

times

a

simple

look

at

our

family

tree

will

answer

many

questions

for

us

The

question

why

is

the

beginning

of

knowledge

and

knowledge

is

the

primary

tool

linking

us

to

wisdom

September

Is

AA

Really

Spiritual

NOT

Religious

Facts

do

not

cease

to

exist

because

they

are

ignored

Aldous

Huxley

While

our

preconceived

notions

are

ripped

to

shreds

by

Linda

Rs

factual

and

informative

article

we

may

take

solace

in

the

truth

that

our

rock

AA

IS

A

SPIRITUAL

PROGRAM

This

in

spite

of

the

high

courts

multiple

rulings

that

AA

is

in

fact

a

religious

program

Spirituality

is

not

a

contradiction

of

religion

And

religion

does

not

mean

nonspiritual

and

bad

One

thing

for

certain

in

AA

we

choose

seek

and

find

our

own

Higher

Power

Whether

its

by

our

sponsor

introducing

God

to

us

or

by

receiving

a

revelation

and

white

light

experience

through

prayer

and

meditation

or

However

the

question

has

arisen

in

some

of

the

highest

courts

of

our

nation

whether

or

not

AA

is

religious

And

it

has

come

up

for

good

reason

the

separation

of

church

and

state

Parolees

do

not

want

to

be

forced

into

a

religious

AA

program

against

their

constitutional

rights

This

separation

of

church

and

state

is

a

fundamental

aspect

of

US

law

known

as

the

Establishment

Clause

and

is

explicated

in

the

first

amendment

to

the

US

Constitution

which

states

Congress

shall

make

no

law

respecting

an

establishment

of

religion

By

Linda

R

Inside

AA

one

hears

members

frequently

repeat

the

wellknown

phrase

AA

is

spiritual

not

religious

AA

takes

pride

in

saying

its

not

religious

But

what

do

outsiders

such

as

the

court

systems

think

about

AAs

claim

In

the

ten

year

period

between

and

five

highlevel

US

courts

three

federal

circuit

courts

and

two

state

supreme

courts

did

take

a

long

and

hard

look

at

AAs

claim

Each

of

these

cases

involved

a

person

who

was

being

forced

to

participate

in

AA

meetings

either

as

a

condition

of

their

parole

or

probation

or

while

actually

incarcerated

These

cases

reached

the

highest

level

of

judiciary

scrutiny

only

one

level

below

the

US

Supreme

Court

because

they

involved

the

critical

issue

of

separation

of

Church

and

State

This

separation

is

a

fundamental

aspect

of

US

law

known

The

parolees

probationers

and

inmates

in

each

of

these

cases

claimed

that

the

State

was

using

its

power

to

force

them

to

participate

in

a

religious

activity

They

claimed

that

AA

meetings

were

religious

Thus

their

required

attendance

was

a

violation

of

the

Establishment

Clause

which

requires

governmental

neutrality

with

respect

to

religion

and

a

wall

of

separation

between

Church

and

State

read

more

from

aaagnosticaorg

by

Linda

R

September

The

Four

Stages

of

Early

Sobriety

From

The

Adventures

of

Sober

Senorita

JOIN

IN

THE

SOBER

FUN

LADIES

This

is

not

a

Recovery

Farmhouse

original

article

But

its

a

very

interesting

topic

for

recovery

Pretty

sure

you

can

find

the

writers

name

somewhere

at

the

link

of

the

sober

senority

Lately

Ive

been

receiving

a

ton

of

messages

and

emails

from

my

readers

about

early

sobriety

I

realize

that

many

of

us

contemplate

sobriety

for

months

or

even

years

before

we

decide

to

take

the

leap

and

make

a

change

Before

we

do

we

want

to

know

exactly

what

its

going

to

be

like

and

whats

going

to

happen

when

we

get

sober

Im

sure

thats

why

a

lot

of

you

read

my

blog

in

the

first

place

You

want

to

know

is

getting

sober

possible

Is

it

enjoyable

What

is

everyday

life

going

to

be

like

Well

to

briefly

answer

those

questions

early

sobriety

is

different

from

years

of

sobriety

as

I

am

quickly

learning

READ

MORE

September

Trust

in

God

Sharons

Story

about

Crystal

Meth

Addiction

Recovery

More

from

This

is

the

link

to

all

of

the

videos

that

the

Mormon

channel

has

recently

put

out

They

are

getting

allot

of

attention

in

the

press

Apparently

they

are

very

down

to

earth

real

stories

of

real

people

their

bottom

and

their

recovery

from

all

different

kinds

of

addiction

Heres

the

link

to

the

really

good

and

helpful

video

FOOD

FOR

THOUGHT

AA

EMOTIONAL

SOBRIETY

TOM

P

We

must

never

give

up

hope

In

all

things

give

thanks

I

have

been

ungrateful

for

the

things

I

have

For

that

I

repent

where

does

that

get

me

other

than

anger

and

resentment

And

so

once

again

I

accept

that

God

is

in

charge

and

I

trust

trust

trust

that

He

She

It

has

my

best

interests

at

heart

September

Frank

Duffys

Poem

DEPRESSION

See

more

of

Franks

poems

here

FRANK

DUFFYS

POEMS

DEPRESSION

I

woke

up

with

my

friend

depression

I

went

to

see

my

therapist

for

a

skull

session

He

asked

me

do

you

have

any

aggression

I

told

him

aggression

is

not

my

only

obsession

Without

a

profession

its

easy

to

get

caught

in

any

obsession

So

when

I

am

feeling

blue

I

try

to

be

happy

and

think

of

you

But

my

old

friend

depression

is

very

sly

Sometimes

it

wont

even

let

me

try

But

I

am

not

giving

up

I

will

not

die

I

will

keep

on

going

I

am

going

to

try

There

is

always

hope

if

I

dont

give

in

As

long

as

I

dont

pick

up

booze

and

dope

I

will

not

die

so

my

old

friend

depression

Why

do

you

even

try

August

WHY

PEOPLE

RUN

FROM

AA

AA

IS

A

PROGRAM

OF

ATTRACTION

RATHER

THAN

PROMOTION

IF

WE

WANT

TO

STAY

SOBER

WE

MUST

BE

WILLING

TO

BECOME

TEACHABLE

Why

would

people

who

need

help

so

badly

run

from

the

very

program

that

has

helped

so

many

with

the

same

malady

Without

the

ingredient

of

desperation

the

alcoholic

addict

will

try

anything

except

giving

up

and

signing

over

power

to

a

sponsor

and

AA

What

would

keep

me

from

being

teachable

FALSE

PRIDE

AND

SHAME

False

pride

tells

me

that

if

I

dont

know

literally

EVERYTHING

then

I

am

stupid

wrong

and

bad

False

pride

says

that

only

the

most

brilliant

people

are

qualified

to

teach

me

anything

Working

the

steps

and

getting

a

sponsor

curtails

the

lies

my

psyche

is

telling

me

to

keep

me

sick

TRUST

ISSUES

Clearly

I

cant

get

a

sponsor

because

everyone

is

out

to

get

me

The

world

revolves

around

my

belly

button

therefore

the

world

wants

to

know

my

fifth

step

and

if

I

get

a

sponsor

he

will

sell

tickets

to

the

opening

night

show

Mickeys

Fifth

Step

on

Parade

Yikes

However

realize

this

there

are

only

so

many

deadly

sins

Seven

to

be

exact

Most

peoples

step

five

are

pretty

much

the

sameboring

sex

wrath

thieving

and

the

like

FEAR

OF

COMMITMENT

Omg

In

my

past

addiction

I

made

so

many

appointments

that

I

could

not

keep

I

am

now

gunshy

of

commitment

I

use

words

like

maybe

probably

most

likely

but

never

yes

I

will

be

there

Commitment

is

hard

for

me

because

of

my

past

failures

to

keep

them

The

good

news

is

now

I

am

so

desperate

to

get

sober

that

I

WILL

KEEP

MY

APPOINTMENTS

WITH

MY

SPONSOR

NO

MATTER

WHAT

In

addition

by

doing

that

I

am

walking

through

the

fear

and

building

my

selfworth

I

am

working

the

good

principles

and

that

magically

feeds

recovery

to

FEAR

OF

BEING

CONTROLLED

BY

OTHERS

I

used

to

hand

over

power

to

my

partners

to

make

them

feel

good

so

I

could

get

what

I

wanted

from

them

After

they

made

my

choices

for

me

so

I

would

not

have

to

fear

the

outcome

they

would

put

me

on

a

time

clock

Where

are

you

going

What

time

will

you

be

back

Whom

are

you

going

with

etc

etc

After

a

while

I

would

snatch

back

the

power

I

had

turned

over

My

codependent

dance

partner

would

then

suffer

from

intense

anger

and

lash

out

at

me

as

if

I

had

done

something

terrible

Wont

FEAR

OF

RELIGION

Religion

told

me

that

I

am

bad

and

going

to

Hell

I

believed

it

I

was

young

and

innocent

yet

they

told

me

of

a

place

of

suffering

and

despair

Moreover

since

I

was

bad

spilled

my

milk

and

made

an

F

on

my

report

card

they

said

I

would

surely

be

sent

to

the

lowest

pit

in

the

underground

skyscraper

called

Hell

I

can

not

bear

to

be

terrorized

by

religious

views

anymore

AA

must

not

be

religious

we

are

a

spiritual

program

Step

proves

that

we

are

a

spiritual

not

religious

program

of

choice

There

is

no

THE

FEELING

I

AM

GOING

TO

LOSE

SOMETHING

VERY

IMPORTANT

TO

ME

My

addict

is

scared

to

death

of

not

having

the

drugs

that

worked

to

suppress

my

fears

and

emotional

pain

for

so

long

NOW

MY

DOPE

HAS

STOPPED

WORKING

I

have

hit

a

brick

wall

I

drank

and

drugged

repeatedly

so

many

times

I

nearly

killed

myself

Therefore

I

walk

through

the

fear

and

distrust

I

muddle

though

the

past

betrayal

I

walk

in

the

rooms

shrouded

in

shame

and

I

say

with

all

my

heart

I

am

Mickey

and

I

want

to

change

I

cant

go

on

like

I

am

please

show

and

teach

me

how

to

recover

HERE

ARE

THE

NINTH

STEP

PROMISES

THAT

DO

COME

TRUE

WHEN

WE

WORK

THE

STEPS

HONESTLY

AND

THOROUGHLY

THE

NINTH

STEP

PROMISES

I

f

we

are

painstaking

about

this

phase

of

our

development

we

will

be

amazed

before

we

are

halfway

through

We

are

going

to

know

a

new

freedom

and

a

new

happiness

We

will

not

regret

the

past

nor

wish

to

shut

the

door

on

it

We

will

comprehend

the

word

serenity

and

we

will

know

peace

No

matter

how

far

down

the

scale

we

have

gone

we

will

see

how

our

experience

can

benefit

others

That

feeling

of

uselessness

and

selfpity

will

disappear

We

will

lose

interest

in

selfish

things

and

gain

interest

in

our

fellows

Selfseeking

will

slip

away

Our

whole

attitude

and

outlook

on

life

will

change

Fear

of

people

and

of

economic

insecurity

will

leave

us

We

will

intuitively

know

how

to

handle

situations

which

used

to

baffle

us

We

will

suddenly

realize

that

God

is

doing

for

us

what

we

could

not

do

for

ourselves

Are

these

extravagant

promises

We

think

not

They

are

being

fulfilled

among

quickly

sometimes

slowly

They

will

always

materialize

if

we

work

for

them

Read

a

similar

article

by

Martha

Lockie

August

Tom

B

Emotional

Sobriety

Tom

B

video

on

Emotional

Sobriety

and

Recovery

from

Alcoholism

Published

on

May

Awesome

share

by

one

of

the

best

AA

speakers

Tom

B

This

is

perhaps

the

BEST

talk

on

the

topic

of

emotional

sobriety

I

have

ever

heard

MUST

LISTEN

From

the

book

Alcoholics

Anonymous

In

spite

of

the

great

increase

in

the

size

and

span

of

this

Fellowship

at

its

core

it

remains

simple

and

personal

Each

day

somewhere

in

the

world

recovery

begins

when

one

alcoholic

talks

with

another

alcoholic

sharing

experience

strength

and

hope

Heres

the

link

to

the

really

good

and

helpful

video

Tom

B

AA

Video

August

Steps

and

the

right

Therapy

Go

Hand

In

Hand

Thank

God

for

AA

and

Empathic

Therapy

We

are

convinced

that

a

spiritual

mode

of

living

is

a

most

powerful

health

restorative

But

this

does

not

mean

that

we

disregard

human

health

measures

though

God

has

wrought

miracles

among

us

we

should

never

belittle

a

good

doctor

or

psychiatrist

Their

services

are

indispensable

in

treating

a

newcomer

and

in

following

his

case

afterward

Alcoholics

Anonymous

Edition

p

HAVING

WRITTEN

THAT

Me

and

a

group

of

recovering

addictsalcoholics

had

the

opportunity

to

participate

in

group

therapy

from

a

brilliant

groundbreaking

therapist

and

writer

in

the

field

of

Trauma

and

Recovery

Randall

Mayrovitz

is

employed

at

Meridian

Healthcare

Bridgehouse

Rehabilitation

Center

The

therapy

took

place

in

our

little

group

of

women

are

still

to

this

day

sober

and

very

much

emotionally

healed

And

thanks

to

the

step

program

spiritually

fed

Our

commonality

besides

addiction

is

we

women

had

suffered

from

abuse

and

neglect

of

different

types

and

different

extents

Please

we

all

love

AA

and

still

go

on

the

most

part

We

believe

deeply

in

the

working

of

the

steps

However

each

of

us

women

believe

in

our

heart

of

hearts

that

without

learning

what

Randy

taught

us

in

group

we

would

not

have

made

it

The

pain

was

much

too

deep

to

be

healed

by

looking

only

at

our

part

in

matters

Learning

our

own

patterns

of

dysfunction

was

a

large

part

of

recovery

But

do

we

shut

down

the

tears

of

a

five

year

old

who

is

black

and

blue

from

the

fist

of

a

parent

Do

we

send

him

off

with

an

assignment

to

write

down

his

part

in

the

abuse

An

abused

child

now

an

adult

does

not

grown

out

of

needing

comfort

care

and

an

understanding

and

loving

hand

to

say

I

feel

your

pain

its

safe

to

cry

An

abused

child

suffers

and

until

that

child

is

taught

a

way

to

heal

they

will

be

sick

and

For

us

spirituality

is

the

remedy

but

the

sickness

is

very

much

emotional

coupled

with

a

lack

of

spirituality

In

my

opinion

Randall

EMPATHIC

RECOVERY

STATEMENT

OF

PURPOSE

We

come

together

as

survivors

of

painful

life

experience

seeking

a

place

to

heal

our

wounds

Weve

reached

a

point

in

our

recovery

where

interventions

aimed

at

symptomatic

relief

no

longer

satisfy

us

We

recognize

the

revolving

door

of

symptom

substitution

and

feel

the

weight

of

something

deeper

While

our

symptoms

and

circumstances

may

vary

the

end

product

of

our

trauma

is

the

same

frozen

feelings

bottled

inside

because

it

was

too

unsafe

to

feel

It

was

our

natural

inborn

impulse

to

express

these

feelings

in

order

to

heal

and

grow

Their

suppression

has

created

a

powerful

negative

energy

driving

us

to

emotional

physical

and

spiritual

illness

and

destructive

behaviors

Through

each

others

empathic

support

and

understanding

we

hope

to

be

able

to

restore

our

life

flow

the

inner

force

that

guides

us

toward

vitality

and

well

being

compelling

us

to

feel

our

darkest

pain

in

order

to

recapture

our

deepest

pleasure

In

so

doing

we

will

slowly

render

unhealthy

coping

mechanisms

useless

giving

expression

to

old

and

new

feelings

and

healing

our

wounds

one

piece

at

a

time

I

will

be

publishing

more

from

the

Empathic

Healing

Workbooks

that

we

were

given

at

Bridgehouse

The

Healing

Journey

Embracing

The

Storm

Empathic

Relashionships

August

GRAPEVINE

AA

and

EVENTS

CALENDARS

Please

scroll

for

links

to

both

AA

and

events

calendars

NARCOTICS

ANONYMOUS

NEW

EVENTS

CALENDAR

Click

Here

for

NAs

New

EVENTS

CALENDAR

GRAPEVINE

AA

CALENDAR

OF

EVENTS

CLICK

HERE

July

Sober

Relationships

part

A

Mans

Perspective

Relationships

and

Early

Recovery

by

Fred

Hundt

When

I

came

into

recovery

carried

into

the

Psych

Ward

for

my

threats

against

myself

and

others

I

felt

as

alone

as

Id

ever

been

in

my

life

My

girlfriend

was

done

with

me

Id

alienated

most

of

my

friends

and

my

main

relationship

problem

was

that

I

didnt

have

any

I

had

to

face

the

fact

that

for

the

first

time

in

my

life

no

one

was

going

to

rescue

me

I

had

to

face

my

addiction

and

my

demons

and

I

needed

to

accept

help

honestly

rather

than

manipulating

people

and

situations

In

early

sobriety

I

heard

the

AA

maxim

of

not

getting

into

a

new

relationship

for

at

least

a

year

I

didnt

understand

it

then

but

listened

to

my

sponsors

advice

to

take

things

slowly

earning

my

way

back

into

my

girlfriends

life

with

my

behaviors

not

promises

He

also

warned

me

against

turning

meeting

camaraderie

with

women

in

the

program

into

anything

more

Looking

back

Im

grateful

for

the

AA

approach

and

my

sponsors

Easy

Does

It

advice

In

early

sobriety

I

needed

to

build

a

relationship

with

me

Id

been

avoiding

myself

through

alcohol

for

years

I

had

to

learn

to

face

myself

spend

time

with

myself

and

eventually

even

begin

to

like

myself

I

also

needed

to

build

a

close

working

relationship

with

my

Higher

Power

I

learned

to

talk

to

my

HP

through

daily

prayer

to

connect

through

meditation

and

to

listen

to

the

quiet

voice

of

Spirit

within

Building

those

two

relationships

was

a

full

time

jobI

couldnt

have

I

watch

newcomers

in

the

rooms

get

involved

in

relationships

and

I

see

the

roller

coaster

rides

they

take

I

remember

that

in

my

early

sobriety

I

needed

less

drama

not

more

Id

had

plenty

of

it

in

my

last

few

drinking

years

I

needed

the

calm

and

quiet

of

those

months

to

learn

about

serenity

and

how

to

achieve

and

maintain

it

in

my

life

Part

of

what

I

realized

about

myself

in

early

recovery

is

that

I

was

a

taker

not

a

giver

As

much

as

I

tried

to

wrap

my

behavior

in

noble

motives

I

had

always

looked

at

relationships

entirely

from

the

point

of

view

of

what

I

could

get

from

them

I

always

expected

that

the

next

woman

would

save

me

would

make

things

all

right

When

that

didnt

happen

I

pulled

away

I

usually

didnt

even

have

the

courage

to

break

up

I

would

just

make

myself

emotionally

unavailable

until

she

broke

up

with

me

That

allowed

me

to

play

Over

months

and

years

of

sobriety

parts

of

the

program

began

to

sink

in

I

began

to

learn

humility

and

thought

of

myself

less

I

began

to

focus

on

how

I

could

serve

others

without

expecting

anything

in

return

I

learned

that

I

could

be

honest

with

my

Higher

Power

and

with

the

people

in

my

life

Today

I

have

a

wonderful

relationship

with

the

woman

who

had

written

me

off

that

night

I

went

to

the

Psych

Ward

Im

grateful

each

day

for

the

opportunity

to

serve

her

and

for

the

simple

joy

it

brings

me

I

cant

give

July

WHAT

IS

AFFIRMATIVE

CONSENT

NEW

SEXUAL

LAWS

ON

THE

HORIZON

Bottom

line

the

law

makes

light

of

a

brutal

crime

and

patronizes

rape

victims

For

students

only

I

recently

encountered

some

info

about

an

upandcoming

sex

law

It

is

aimed

at

college

students

and

administrative

policies

at

colleges

starting

in

California

If

the

bill

is

passed

colleges

must

use

the

legislatures

definition

of

consent

in

their

sexual

assault

policies

or

risk

losing

state

funding

for

student

financial

aid

WHAT

IS

AFFIRMATIVE

CONSENT

The

legislation

which

was

introduced

as

a

direct

response

to

the

current

sexual

assault

crisis

on

college

campuses

defines

consent

as

an

affirmative

conscious

and

voluntary

agreement

to

engage

in

sexual

activity

every

step

of

the

way

Quote

from

affirmativeconsentcom

Affirmative

consent

means

affirmative

conscious

and

voluntary

agreement

to

engage

in

sexual

activity

What

Affirmative

Consent

Actually

Means

A

proposed

bill

in

California

that

would

require

college

students

to

obtain

explicit

consent

before

proceeding

with

a

sexual

encounter

is

sparking

controversy

over

whether

that

standard

can

actually

work

in

practice

The

legislation

which

was

introduced

as

a

direct

response

to

the

current

sexual

assault

crisis

on

college

campuses

defines

consent

as

an

affirmative

conscious

and

voluntary

agreement

to

engage

in

sexual

activity

every

step

of

the

way

There

are

some

concerns

thats

much

too

broad

The

Affirmative

Consent

Standard

The

Affirmative

Consent

Standard

states

that

the

person

who

initiates

sexual

contact

must

receive

a

VERBAL

YES

affirmative

consent

from

the

other

person

before

engaging

in

any

sexual

activity

and

that

consent

must

be

ongoing

throughout

the

sexual

encounter

No

Means

No

Isnt

enough

We

Need

Affirmative

Consent

Laws

to

Curb

Sexual

Assault

End

of

the

pro

affirmative

consent

viewpoints

What

Recovery

Farmhouse

thinks

of

this

potential

Campus

Law

I

think

Cathy

Young

hit

the

nail

on

the

head

when

she

said

this

approach

to

sexual

safety

is

absolutely

out

of

touch

with

reality

I

ask

what

will

we

do

carry

a

tape

recorder

during

our

sex

or

a

video

to

prove

that

we

got

the

YES

YES

AND

YES

from

our

adult

sexual

partner

so

we

dont

get

charged

with

rape

Consensual

sex

is

not

the

problem

what

these

people

at

affirmativeconsentcom

are

essentially

trying

to

do

is

fix

something

thats

not

broken

and

profit

from

it

along

the

way

They

are

totally

sidestepping

any

real

solution

to

forced

sex

Even

worse

they

are

making

lite

and

emotionally

minimizing

a

literally

deadly

and

serious

topic

as

if

it

were

some

kind

of

fun

game

toy

I

overheard

John

Chauncey

the

brain

storm

so

called

activist

behind

the

idea

up

close

and

personal

on

July

He

wasnt

ashamed

to

say

aloud

so

the

whole

room

could

hear

that

the

reason

he

started

his

activist

movement

is

mainly

because

he

wants

to

be

a

millionaire

Which

hey

I

want

to

be

a

millionaire

too

but

I

am

not

hiding

behind

some

dogooder

facade

that

I

cant

relate

to

at

all

Yep

he

wants

the

money

and

he

is

using

the

law

legislation

and

his

new

website

to

do

just

that

He

is

riding

on

the

Check

out

the

tshirts

and

condom

kits

for

sale

on

his

site

He

is

not

a

rape

victim

his

hearts

clearly

not

in

the

cause

and

if

it

were

I

think

his

approach

would

be

much

different

Just

a

couple

possible

scenarios

this

pending

law

could

be

so

easily

manipulated

to

be

used

by

the

disgruntled

and

rejected

girlfriends

or

the

girl

who

willingly

had

sex

gets

pregnant

then

has

to

prove

to

daddy

she

was

raped

No

problem

her

sex

partner

didnt

bring

his

tape

recorder

with

him

you

got

him

by

the

gonies

Subsequently

she

can

very

easily

ruin

not

only

her

babydaddys

education

but

his

up

and

coming

career

as

well

thanks

to

this

handy

new

law

This

is

one

of

those

rules

that

will

be

used

against

the

innocent

rather

than

the

guilty

This

legislative

ideal

is

immature

even

by

recovering

addicts

standards

and

we

usually

have

stunted

our

emotional

maturity

from

the

point

we

started

our

using

The

up

side

For

an

addict

to

communicate

with

their

sexual

partner

is

an

emotional

plus

in

the

growth

category

We

encourage

our

newcomers

in

AA

to

mutually

define

their

relationships

and

to

keep

communication

open

in

all

relationship

categories

However

once

hormones

are

flaring

body

language

is

more

than

enough

Understanding

when

a

man

or

women

wants

to

be

with

us

is

simple

body

language

come

on

lawmakers

There

are

no

clearer

words

than

a

women

who

pulls

you

closer

or

pushes

you

away

The

problem

is

rarely

if

ever

truly

this

I

misunderstood

her

body

language

my

dad

taught

me

Rejection

hurts

and

it

penetrates

us

all

the

way

to

our

soul

We

often

carry

it

around

for

life

So

how

is

it

these

people

think

that

its

a

lack

of

communication

that

is

the

cause

of

the

campus

rape

crisis

Really

Oh

gee

judge

I

raped

her

because

I

misunderstood

her

seriously

Ok

granted

there

are

those

that

would

use

this

defense

in

court

but

is

there

anyone

that

would

believe

it

So

why

on

earth

do

they

see

communication

as

a

solution

to

rape

The

only

students

that

would

abide

by

this

campus

law

would

never

rape

a

women

anyway

Its

like

invoking

a

law

to

announce

at

the

bank

entrance

that

no

potential

bank

robbers

will

be

permitted

to

carry

weapons

beyond

the

door

And

then

making

each

law

abiding

citizen

sign

an

affidavit

at

the

door

that

they

wont

bring

weapons

in

Discipline

is

the

only

thing

that

a

rapist

understands

Fear

of

being

locked

up

and

losing

it

all

a

rapist

understands

that

Security

and

strictly

enforced

rape

laws

will

work

This

mambypamby

affirmative

consent

rule

will

most

likely

end

up

being

the

most

ridiculous

and

madefunof

legislation

since

the

laws

forbidding

Bingo

games

to

last

more

than

hours

or

the

law

in

N

Carolina

against

selling

ones

eyeballs

Yep

theres

one

in

every

crowd

July

SOBER

SEX

SEX

IN

EARLY

RECOVERY

link

to

Big

Book

page

sexual

inventory

BIG

BOOK

SEXUAL

INVENTORY

PAGE

see

in

pop

up

Open

a

popup

window

We

do

not

want

to

be

the

arbiter

of

anyones

sex

conduct

pg

Big

Book

arbitera

person

who

settles

a

dispute

or

has

ultimate

authority

in

a

matter

We

do

not

want

to

be

the

arbiter

of

anyones

sex

conduct

so

it

states

in

the

Big

Book

and

rightly

so

Translation

Unless

someone

asks

for

advice

dont

give

it

We

thank

you

for

that

clarification

Bill

Wilson

BUT

a

big

BUT

It

just

so

happens

that

sex

is

a

hot

topic

in

and

out

of

the

rooms

and

not

being

an

arbiter

doesnt

mean

we

cant

read

and

talk

about

what

sober

sex

is

all

about

In

accordance

with

the

Steps

of

AA

the

good

and

righteous

principles

we

should

live

by

truth

respect

humility

faith

hope

BUT

WHAT

ARE

THE

PRINCIPLES

click

here

for

complete

principles

of

AA

Core

Spiritual

Principles

of

the

Program

Willingness

Openmindedness

Honesty

AAs

Code

Love

and

Tolerance

of

Others

Gratitude

Acceptance

Love

Honesty

Tolerance

Unselfishness

Strength

Serenity

Giving

Fortitude

Faith

Brotherhood

Service

Understanding

Courage

Wisdom

Humility

selfforgetting

compassion

Love

kindness

persistence

faith

hope

wisdom

harmony

willingness

fair

minded

Good

Judgment

Courage

Humility

Sincerity

Forthright

Generous

Prudence

Serenity

Patience

longsuffering

Admission

of

Defeat

Sober

Sex

Ok

these

are

all

wonderfully

spiritual

qualities

And

theses

virtues

are

what

Step

service

work

is

all

aboutexcept

from

what

I

have

learned

we

dont

do

step

service

work

to

help

others

as

much

as

we

do

it

to

help

ourselves

We

do

step

to

keep

us

sober

another

rightly

so

If

we

dont

take

care

of

our

sobriety

first

then

we

are

no

good

to

anyone

and

certainly

no

good

in

a

lasting

intimate

relationship

if

we

go

full

blown

addict

again

Rule

Get

to

know

a

potential

partner

Get

to

know

this

person

way

before

you

even

think

about

having

sex

with

them

Do

not

say

I

love

you

do

not

move

in

with

them

do

not

get

engaged

do

not

profess

we

are

soul

mates

until

at

least

absolute

bare

minimum

of

days

HeShe

could

turn

out

to

be

a

psycho

maniac

controlling

hostage

taker

Or

he

could

be

the

step

king

of

the

club

and

as

soon

as

you

sleep

with

him

he

intends

to

mark

you

off

as

a

conquered

foe

He

has

no

intention

of

seeing

you

again

after

you

comply

After

We

are

building

our

selfesteem

presently

not

looking

to

tear

it

down

To

this

sportsman

you

are

just

his

secondary

addiction

Theres

one

like

him

in

every

AA

Group

and

it

doesnt

mean

that

you

are

a

victim

We

make

our

choices

and

if

we

choose

to

sleep

with

a

man

of

this

caliber

we

are

an

adult

and

it

is

our

choice

WE

ARE

NOT

VICTIMS

when

he

kicks

us

to

the

curb

These

type

serial

sex

junkies

are

not

a

good

choice

for

us

even

if

all

we

want

is

sexual

satisfaction

because

they

dont

respect

anyone

that

will

sleep

with

them

that

makes

the

encounter

kinda

dysfunctional

And

lets

not

be

too

hard

on

him

ladies

He

is

scared

to

death

of

commitment

and

he

is

also

afraid

if

you

get

to

know

him

too

well

you

wont

like

him

much

Rejection

is

tough

and

it

scars

us

all

The

survival

skills

we

have

developed

tend

to

look

kinda

mean

and

selfish

but

all

they

really

are

underneath

is

hurt

So

get

to

know

the

person

you

are

attracted

to

Find

out

if

they

are

someone

who

is

kind

find

out

if

you

have

anything

in

common

Talk

about

everything

and

anything

Does

he

believe

in

God

like

I

do

What

is

his

past

like

Find

out

how

he

treats

his

X

The

healthiest

Xs

neither

hate

each

other

nor

do

they

still

sleep

with

each

other

they

have

moved

on

and

forgiven

one

another

Jumping

into

relationship

commitments

such

as

moving

in

and

saying

I

love

you

before

the

first

day

probationary

period

is

typical

peopleaddiction

behavior

Again

if

we

need

a

relationship

then

we

are

not

ready

for

one

GET

TESTED

Rule

If

you

want

to

sleep

with

me

you

will

have

to

get

tested

and

show

me

the

results

on

paper

If

you

cant

resist

sex

in

the

meantime

absolutely

use

a

condom

especially

if

you

havent

gotten

your

own

results

in

yet

You

could

be

committing

murder

DEFINE

YOUR

RELATIONSHIP

Rule

Walk

through

the

FearShow

SelfRespect

and

mutual

respect

The

fear

of

rejection

is

big

in

early

recovery

Actually

not

just

early

recovery

its

a

prime

characteristic

of

alcoholics

But

to

stick

with

the

principles

we

must

communicate

our

desires

to

our

new

or

potential

sex

partner

Again

we

should

not

be

needy

if

we

are

needy

we

are

not

ready

to

date

These

days

sex

kills

so

monogamy

and

sexual

commitment

are

things

that

are

not

so

far

fetched

even

on

the

first

date

It

feels

awkward

but

ARE

YOU

COMFORTABLE

SLEEPING

WITH

A

MAN

or

woman

WHO

INTENDS

TO

SLEEP

AROUND

WHILE

HESHE

SLEEPS

WITH

YOU

AS

WELL

My

support

group

asked

me

that

question

when

I

started

dating

in

my

first

year

I

surprised

myself

with

a

big

HELL

NO

Sexual

commitment

is

not

marriage

its

not

going

steady

and

its

not

a

way

to

control

someone

or

take

them

hostage

It

doesnt

mean

I

love

you

A

sexual

monogamous

commitment

with

a

partner

in

this

day

and

age

is

for

safety

and

mutual

respect

and

consideration

It

means

that

while

we

Remember

it

takes

assertiveness

to

be

candid

and

reveal

who

we

are

with

complete

truthfulness

Doing

this

the

first

time

will

be

hard

because

of

the

fear

of

rejection

Having

a

support

group

is

so

important

to

back

you

up

on

doing

the

right

thing

until

you

get

used

to

standing

on

your

own

two

feet

in

a

place

of

principled

morality

and

Loving

respect

for

yourself

and

others

Even

Oprah

talks

about

defining

our

relationship

its

not

just

a

recovery

thing

Work

Your

AA

Program

First

GO

HOME

AT

NIGHT

AND

KEEP

GOING

HOME

AND

GO

HOME

NO

MATTER

HOW

BAD

WE

MAY

WANT

TO

FALL

INTO

SOMEONE

ELSES

LIFE

WE

ARE

building

a

new

and

sober

life

We

are

finding

out

who

we

really

are

And

we

are

also

recreating

who

we

are

Its

best

if

we

can

live

alone

to

grow

spiritually

for

a

year

or

so

before

we

commit

to

sharing

our

life

with

someone

else

The

window

to

recovery

is

open

for

you

now

Now

is

your

time

It

will

be

easier

now

than

it

will

every

be

Get

to

a

meeting

and

meet

some

new

friends

Life

will

be

good

SOON

TO

COME

A

MANS

PERSPECTIVE

ON

EARLY

RECOVERY

AND

SOBER

SEX

I

am

currently

looking

for

a

sober

man

years

plus

to

write

this

article

to

the

men

new

to

recovery

July

On

Buprenorphine

in

Recovery

Buprenorphine

facts

are

taken

from

physician

desk

reference

and

the

Suboxonecom

website

and

the

pamphlet

that

SubutexSuboxone

distributes

And

other

various

research

reference

sites

online

FINGER

POINTING

AND

FALSE

COMPARISONS

It

has

come

to

my

attention

that

the

belief

systems

running

through

and

even

AA

are

that

if

your

on

any

kind

of

pain

drug

from

your

doctor

or

even

a

rehabilitation

maintenance

type

drug

such

as

buprenorphine

then

your

not

clean

sober

What

I

want

to

do

here

today

is

take

a

fair

and

balanced

look

at

this

issue

and

define

what

sobriety

or

clean

and

sober

really

is

I

also

want

to

take

a

look

at

each

of

a

few

drugs

and

point

out

the

differences

in

how

they

do

affect

a

person

trying

to

rehabilitate

from

What

is

the

cure

Firstly

and

foremost

I

want

to

say

and

this

trumps

anything

following

that

I

have

written

You

have

to

feel

if

you

want

to

heal

Therefore

in

recovery

we

must

be

able

to

do

the

steps

with

our

entire

emotions

invested

in

the

process

for

it

to

work

When

we

stop

drinking

and

drugging

there

is

a

natural

process

of

emotions

in

us

that

surface

in

perfect

order

Stuff

comes

up

from

the

past

that

we

have

ignored

or

stuffed

down

and

repressed

by

using

drugs

and

ignoring

our

emotions

If

we

are

still

numbing

ourselves

out

we

wont

be

ALCOHOL

AND

DRUGS

ARE

BUT

A

SYMPTOM

OF

AN

UNDERLYING

ISSUE

OR

SICKNESS

Emotional

disorder

is

the

inability

to

process

our

feelings

We

I

tend

to

stuff

down

and

put

into

denial

my

intense

feelings

of

FEAR

in

the

form

hurt

anger

betrayal

abandonment

rejection

and

the

big

one

inferiority

First

I

want

to

point

out

that

addiction

is

due

to

underlying

causes

such

as

emotional

and

mental

disorders

Some

people

think

the

disease

is

in

our

DNA

and

hereditary

they

may

be

right

But

I

believe

its

a

learned

behavior

and

the

sex

drugs

gambling

food

alcohol

are

a

solution

to

our

deep

fear

anxiety

and

depression

The

drugs

eventually

stop

working

and

our

cure

becomes

lethal

to

us

If

we

were

emotionally

balanced

we

wouldnt

need

the

steps

the

program

or

even

God

until

our

deaththen

we

better

have

a

relationship

built

with

a

Higher

Power

that

can

PEOPLE

GET

INJURED

SICK

AND

NEED

PAIN

MEDICINES

FROM

THE

DOCTOR

We

can

be

so

sick

or

injured

that

if

we

dont

take

our

medicine

our

quality

of

life

will

be

way

worse

than

if

we

dont

We

mustnt

judge

others

for

taking

pain

meds

Come

what

may

some

day

karma

may

tap

us

on

the

shoulder

with

some

excruciating

and

chronic

pain

from

a

sudden

injury

To

thine

own

self

be

true

We

are

not

martyrs

I

think

if

a

man

does

have

to

take

pain

meds

he

has

a

better

chance

at

recovery

if

its

later

rather

than

sooner

Once

you

have

six

years

under

your

belt

sober

I

personally

believe

we

dont

think

with

an

addict

mind

anymore

therefore

we

have

a

much

better

chance

at

following

the

doctors

orders

in

sobriety

WHAT

IS

CLEAN

SOBER

Step

One

We

admitted

that

we

were

powerless

over

alcohol

drugs

and

our

lives

had

become

unmanageable

If

there

is

an

absence

of

unmanageability

then

ones

life

is

manageable

If

there

is

an

absence

of

powerlessness

then

there

is

no

issueis

there

Just

like

a

gun

can

be

used

for

a

good

purpose

to

protect

our

families

they

can

also

be

used

to

murder

and

mame

A

product

in

and

of

itself

is

not

evil

it

is

mans

use

of

that

product

which

defines

weather

it

is

good

or

evil

Even

Heroin

morphine

and

cocaine

are

used

for

good

purposes

in

hospital

settings

And

dont

think

hospitals

dont

use

Cocaine

I

had

jaw

surgery

and

know

better

Heroin

some

scientists

proclaim

is

a

much

better

pain

killer

than

Morphine

however

due

to

the

prejudices

and

stigmas

attached

to

it

they

use

Morphine

instead

If

one

labels

an

inanimate

object

evil

just

because

someones

use

of

it

makes

it

evil

that

is

called

a

prejudice

We

can

be

prejudiced

in

our

minds

over

any

people

places

and

things

If

I

am

addicted

to

pornography

then

the

computer

is

my

evil

catalyst

whereas

if

a

scientist

posts

the

cure

for

cancer

on

his

science

blog

and

it

is

used

around

the

world

then

the

computer

is

a

wonderful

tool

that

saves

lives

These

examples

tend

to

apply

to

anything

Chocolate

cake

at

a

year

olds

birthday

party

is

something

he

will

enjoy

and

look

back

on

all

his

life

How

his

mother

nurtured

him

emotionally

with

her

positive

attention

And

yet

to

the

obese

man

a

chocolate

cake

is

the

evil

which

can

kill

him

Sugar

is

actually

Pot

or

Marijuana

to

some

people

is

their

evil

They

abuse

it

relentlessly

Others

do

not

Hear

me

OTHERS

DO

NOT

Just

because

someone

cant

take

narcotics

without

abusing

them

doesnt

mean

they

cant

smoke

pot

responsibly

Pot

is

a

drug

that

can

be

used

reasonably

in

recovery

in

my

opinion

as

long

as

you

are

not

smoking

it

abusively

and

soberly

work

the

step

program

with

a

sponsor

Go

to

meetings

and

and

all

the

other

stuff

suggested

HYPOTHETICAL

MARIJUANA

Say

Johnny

smokes

some

weed

at

night

and

then

he

goes

during

the

day

to

meetings

and

works

the

steps

He

is

also

seeking

God

with

his

heart

and

getting

group

therapy

He

doesnt

smoke

pot

during

or

before

his

recovery

appointments

He

has

stopped

crack

smoking

and

every

other

hard

drink

and

drug

he

was

doing

Please

dont

tell

Johnny

he

is

not

sober

he

is

doing

great

and

so

much

better

than

he

was

He

is

a

father

to

his

children

he

is

home

at

night

And

dont

forget

he

has

been

on

dope

pretty

much

all

his

died

from

emphysema

and

pneumonia

Why

am

a

telling

you

this

To

point

out

that

even

the

best

of

the

best

have

secondary

addictions

For

me

its

the

internet

and

food

of

us

are

truly

qualified

to

harshly

judge

others

BUPRENORPHINE

SUBOXONE

SUBUTEX

I

have

know

people

that

used

buprenorphine

when

they

started

recovery

and

weaned

down

and

people

who

have

had

to

start

med

well

into

their

tenth

or

more

year

Firstly

if

your

on

Suboxone

which

is

buprenorphine

and

Naloxone

combined

dont

bother

shooting

it

The

Naloxone

is

only

effective

for

relatively

minutes

just

long

enough

to

block

your

rush

and

initial

effects

When

the

Naloxone

wears

off

your

drug

works

the

way

it

is

supposed

to

so

as

to

reduce

pain

or

cravings

Secondly

they

have

developed

both

Suboxone

and

Subutex

both

buprenorphine

with

a

ceilingif

you

take

more

Thirdly

dont

expect

Buprenorphine

to

get

you

high

like

an

opiate

the

scientists

have

developed

this

PARTIAL

OPIATE

AGONIST

so

it

wont

have

the

effects

of

a

full

blown

agonist

or

NARCOTIC

Put

simply

the

chemical

Buprenorphine

does

go

to

your

opiate

receptors

However

picture

your

receptors

with

a

closed

door

in

front

of

them

When

you

take

an

opiate

the

door

swings

wide

open

and

your

receptors

are

drenched

with

the

effects

With

partial

opiate

agonists

such

as

Tramadol

or

Bubrenorpine

the

door

to

your

receptors

only

opens

halfway

so

the

receptors

only

get

half

as

sedated

METHADONE

Methadone

works

to

keep

Heroin

addicts

off

the

street

keeps

them

from

having

to

steal

and

rob

to

get

heroin

however

it

is

very

strong

and

will

stop

the

natural

process

of

healing

and

recovery

So

if

methadone

is

used

in

the

beginning

of

recovery

it

should

be

a

temporary

thing

to

ween

off

of

eventually

Then

it

can

be

considered

progress

ALCOHOL

Alcohol

is

a

drug

If

you

can

sit

down

and

drink

or

even

drinks

and

stop

every

time

If

drinking

doesnt

make

you

want

to

use

crack

or

shoot

dope

etc

then

your

obviously

not

an

alcoholic

Personally

I

dont

know

nor

do

any

of

the

people

I

have

asked

know

one

dope

fiend

who

is

not

also

an

alcoholic

So

as

a

rule

if

you

want

recovery

you

will

have

to

stop

drinking

Bottom

line

we

do

the

best

we

can

If

we

are

working

the

step

program

and

our

lives

are

manageable

then

we

are

clean

and

sober

if

we

have

not

picked

up

our

drug

of

choice

and

abused

it

basically

NOT

ONE

ALCOHOLIC

OR

ADDICT

WORKS

A

PERFECTLY

STERILE

PROGRAM

WITH

NO

VICES

Whether

it

be

food

sex

sick

relationships

gambling

cigarettes

weed

nonnarcotic

pills

wrath

violence

serial

killing

wife

beating

every

addict

in

recovery

tends

to

fall

back

on

some

vice

or

another

We

all

humans

commit

sin

of

some

sort

We

are

human

and

I

think

we

were

created

imperfect

Perfectionism

will

beat

us

down

if

we

dont

get

it

in

check

We

will

never

be

perfect

and

it

is

futile

to

struggle

with

ourselves

relentlessly

in

a

cycle

of

guilt

and

selffloggings

that

originated

in

our

first

addiction

When

we

get

into

that

cycle

we

go

to

a

meeting

MOVE

July

Daily

Meditation

By

Fred

Hundt

Good

Morning

Fillae

Blusterers

I

dont

know

about

you

but

I

have

one

of

those

brains

which

is

constantly

talking

to

me

It

wants

to

analyze

every

situation

I

encounter

inventing

reasons

why

each

thing

happens

and

how

it

is

all

part

of

a

plan

to

hurt

me

or

more

precisely

my

ego

It

parses

the

speech

of

everyone

around

me

inventing

motives

for

their

words

and

fanciful

backstories

filled

with

sinister

purposes

It

loves

to

retell

stories

from

my

past

pointing

out

the

errors

I

made

and

inviting

me

to

feel

badly

all

over

again

One

of

the

most

amazing

things

Ive

learned

on

my

journey

in

recovery

and

spirituality

is

thisI

can

tell

my

brain

to

EFF

OFF

Im

not

a

slave

to

all

of

the

egodriven

thoughts

and

messages

it

creates

I

can

choose

to

accept

certain

messages

Turn

right

at

the

next

corner

to

avoid

traffic

and

let

go

of

others

Heres

an

opportunity

to

get

even

with

someone

Even

better

Im

learning

that

I

can

give

my

brain

direction

I

can

order

it

to

use

its

patternrecognizing

powers

to

see

how

all

of

the

beautiful

little

things

occurring

around

me

reveal

the

presence

of

a

Divine

Spirit

I

can

guide

it

to

look

for

the

good

in

each

person

I

meet

It

can

watch

for

opportunities

for

me

to

help

others

serving

joyfully

And

I

can

tell

it

to

take

a

break

from

time

to

time

letting

me

just

be

quiet

and

peaceful

right

here

right

now

___________________________________________by

Fred

Hundt

July

STEP

ELEVEN

MEDITATION

WARNING

This

article

contains

religious

content

such

as

scripture

and

mention

of

Christ

and

other

Biblical

characters

Who

knew

that

meditation

is

spoken

of

and

advocated

in

the

Bible

But

it

is

I

do

not

speak

for

the

whole

of

AA

This

is

my

experience

with

Step

Eleven

meditation

and

I

want

to

share

how

wondrous

meditation

can

be

In

this

chapter

of

Paradise

for

the

Hellbound

I

have

attempted

to

connect

biblical

content

and

ideals

with

step

eleven

meditation

and

the

principles

set

forth

in

AA

I

have

found

that

AA

puts

spiritual

matters

into

practical

directions

that

I

for

one

can

follow

and

be

healed

httpwwwrecoveryfarmhousenettwelvestepsofalcoholicsanonymoussteptenelevenandtwelve

MEDITATION

for

those

that

want

to

read

the

entire

book

free

at

this

link

httpwwwrecoveryfarmhousenetbibleparadiseforthehellbound

Step

Eleven

Sought

through

prayer

and

meditation

to

improve

our

conscious

contact

with

God

as

we

understood

God

Praying

only

for

the

knowledge

of

Gods

will

for

us

and

the

power

to

Carry

that

out

or

originally

written

Sought

through

prayer

and

meditation

to

improve

our

conscious

contact

with

God

as

we

understood

Him

praying

only

for

the

knowledge

of

His

Will

for

us

and

the

power

to

carry

that

out

Amen

STEP

ELEVEN

MEDITATION

MEDITATION

IN

CHRIST

The

deepest

questions

of

universal

mystery

posed

by

the

most

intelligent

people

on

Earth

can

rarely

be

answered

by

the

intellect

alone

They

are

answered

spiritually

through

the

heart

and

soul

by

seeking

God

in

meditation

Gen

And

Isaac

went

out

to

meditate

in

the

field

at

the

eventide

and

he

lifted

up

his

eyes

and

saw

and

behold

the

camels

were

coming

First

Timothy

Neglect

not

the

gift

that

is

in

thee

which

was

given

thee

by

prophecy

with

the

laying

on

of

the

hands

of

the

presbytery

Meditate

upon

these

things

give

thyself

wholly

to

them

that

thy

profiting

may

appear

to

all

Psalms

My

hands

also

I

will

lift

up

to

Your

commandments

which

I

love

and

I

will

meditate

on

your

statutes

Philippians

Finally

brethren

whatsoever

things

are

true

whatsoever

things

are

honest

whatsoever

things

are

just

whatsoever

things

are

pure

whatsoever

things

are

lovely

whatsoever

things

are

of

good

report

if

there

be

any

virtue

and

if

there

be

any

praise

think

on

these

things

Psalms

Be

still

and

know

that

I

am

God

Apostle

Paul

the

author

of

the

book

of

Philippians

in

the

letter

to

the

Church

at

Philippi

instructs

the

people

that

they

should

think

on

good

things

The

above

scriptures

show

that

we

should

meditate

on

Gods

statutes

However

if

your

mind

is

anything

like

mine

was

before

becoming

conditioned

by

meditation

practicing

positive

thinking

is

easier

said

than

done

Distractions

fear

and

lack

of

concentration

are

the

enemies

of

peaceful

meditation

I

was

unable

to

stop

fearful

and

critical

thoughts

even

when

I

prayed

for

God

to

please

guide

my

thinking

My

thoughts

were

laced

with

fears

ongoing

dialogues

Meditation

and

prayer

are

in

my

opinion

equally

important

ingredients

in

building

a

relationship

with

Jesus

and

the

Father

Furthermore

these

two

Higher

Powers

are

not

the

only

Higher

Powers

that

exist

There

are

many

powers

living

a

higher

existence

than

ourselves

with

whom

we

can

connect

Hold

on

do

not

shut

the

book

yet

let

me

explain

I

do

not

mean

worship

other

gods

or

put

them

before

God

I

am

talking

about

spirits

from

whom

we

can

learn

and

be

comforted

Most

Christians

believe

in

guardian

angels

In

this

same

way

our

own

personal

Spirit

Guide

can

gently

When

I

was

new

at

meditating

my

beliefsystem

required

confirmation

that

the

still

small

voice

I

heard

was

not

my

imagination

or

a

dream

When

two

of

my

Spirit

Guides

told

me

their

names

during

meditation

I

looked

the

names

up

and

to

my

amazement

both

the

words

were

Hebrew

proper

nounsnames

that

have

divine

meanings

Spirit

Guides

do

not

make

my

choices

for

me

nor

am

I

controlled

by

them

I

do

not

think

that

every

saved

believer

will

have

only

one

purpose

in

the

afterlife

to

lounge

around

with

the

lion

and

the

lamb

There

is

more

to

the

afterlife

for

humans

than

lounging

no

doubt

Some

spiritpeople

that

have

died

will

be

helping

the

souls

still

on

Earth

The

spirit

guides

I

believe

were

once

human

and

are

now

in

Gods

perfect

will

in

a

place

where

that

is

possible

they

are

Just

justified

by

the

blood

of

Christ

men

made

perfect

Hebrews

But

ye

are

come

unto

mount

Sion

Zion

and

unto

the

city

of

the

living

God

the

heavenly

Jerusalem

and

to

an

innumerable

company

of

angels

To

the

general

assembly

and

church

of

the

firstborn

which

are

written

in

heaven

and

to

God

the

Judge

of

all

and

to

the

spirits

of

just

men

made

perfect

And

to

Jesus

the

mediator

of

the

new

covenant

and

to

the

blood

of

sprinkling

that

speaketh

better

things

than

that

of

Abel

Jeremiah

Before

I

formed

thee

in

the

belly

I

knew

thee

and

before

thou

camest

forth

out

of

the

womb

I

sanctified

thee

and

I

ordained

thee

a

prophet

unto

the

nations

God

spoke

to

Jeremiah

and

said

He

knew

him

before

he

was

born

I

do

believe

I

existed

with

God

before

I

became

human

That

is

a

concept

that

I

myself

at

one

time

would

have

thought

was

unthinkable

However

God

has

taught

me

that

we

conventional

Christians

have

presumed

way

too

much

about

Gods

world

By

the

visions

God

has

given

me

I

realize

Heaven

is

much

more

than

the

way

it

is

depicted

by

the

limited

and

Holy

Bible

Through

meditation

I

realize

God

is

neither

legalistic

nor

limited

by

mans

perceptions

Seeing

Gods

wondrous

creations

helps

me

I

do

wonder

why

pretty

much

across

the

board

Christian

religion

defines

transcendental

meditation

as

evil

and

an

invitation

to

Satan

and

his

demons

to

enter

Personally

I

believe

it

takes

debauchery

or

a

harmful

or

hateful

act

for

Satan

to

enter

a

human

If

we

seek

God

and

transcend

this

reality

into

a

beautiful

place

that

refreshes

us

how

can

that

be

wrong

Howdy

neighbor

I

just

picked

up

a

diabolical

evil

entity

while

innocently

seeking

Jesus

with

my

heart

and

mind

so

now

I

will

torture

and

kill

you

Really

What

kind

of

Love

would

God

be

showing

Just

for

a

moment

image

that

there

are

other

good

and

supernatural

beings

other

than

Gods

immediate

family

Take

into

consideration

all

the

diversity

of

the

creatures

on

Earth

Our

little

Earth

houses

man

beast

insects

sea

creatures

air

creatures

dirt

creatures

and

so

on

Now

change

the

channel

and

envision

Gods

realm

where

it

really

is

all

good

How

many

types

of

beings

do

you

see

Heaven

and

God

are

much

vaster

than

our

little

Earth

Its

okay

to

jump

out

of

the

box

that

contains

God

Jesus

The

Holy

Spirit

demons

angels

Prophets

and

Apostles

spirits

If

we

An

anonymous

author

wrote

the

epistle

letter

titled

Hebrews

primarily

to

the

Hebrews

or

Israelites

of

that

time

that

had

converted

from

Judaism

to

Christianity

Remember

we

will

receive

the

most

value

from

scripture

when

we

apply

the

message

to

ourselves

but

it

is

interesting

to

know

to

whom

it

was

originally

written

The

author

was

writing

to

those

who

by

accepting

Christ

as

their

savior

have

come

unto

mount

Sion

which

as

we

read

earlier

represents

the

new

covenant

moreover

we

have

come

unto

spirits

of

just

men

made

perfect

Once

again

and

rightly

so

I

have

my

own

John

the

Revelator

in

The

Book

of

Revelation

shows

one

scriptural

example

of

blessed

communication

with

supernatural

beings

St

John

wrote

the

book

of

Revelation

while

communicating

with

an

angel

St

John

heard

Gods

voice

as

well

There

are

many

examples

of

angelic

communications

in

The

Bible

Therefore

I

see

no

more

harm

in

receiving

guidance

from

a

Spirit

Guide

than

harm

in

God

providing

an

angel

to

save

my

life

or

transfer

information

to

mankind

Angels

are

often

defined

as

ministering

spirits

nevertheless

in

most

churches

that

I

have

attended

a

spiritual

experience

involving

a

guide

that

is

spirit

Admittedly

when

I

first

started

my

journey

of

meditation

I

feared

Satan

and

evil

After

all

my

mother

taught

me

that

when

it

comes

to

the

supernatural

Satan

has

far

more

power

than

God

does

I

did

not

want

to

open

myself

up

to

demons

so

I

invoked

the

blood

of

Jesus

for

protection

before

each

meditation

for

a

long

time

At

this

point

in

my

walk

with

God

I

no

longer

fear

what

is

out

there

in

meditation

I

am

in

Gods

care

so

I

do

not

feel

the

need

to

invoke

the

blood

of

Jesus

every

time

I

Building

a

relationship

takes

time

and

care

Yes

prayer

is

vital

in

a

relationship

with

God

Have

you

ever

been

in

a

relationship

that

the

other

person

does

all

the

talking

and

you

do

not

have

one

opportunity

to

speak

Have

you

ever

tried

to

talk

to

a

person

that

just

will

not

listen

or

let

you

finish

a

sentence

It

is

annoying

is

it

not

Preachers

tell

us

often

how

important

prayer

is

and

how

spirituality

is

about

a

relationship

with

Christ

but

most

explain

very

little

if

any

about

how

to

listen

to

God

Meditation

is

about

listening

When

practiced

meditation

takes

us

to

a

sacred

place

where

we

meet

God

Meditation

is

a

place

where

we

learn

It

is

a

place

to

experience

new

visions

brilliant

colors

and

magnificent

beauty

which

can

not

be

put

into

human

terms

Sometimes

during

a

session

we

may

receive

a

renewing

of

the

mind

or

some

muchneeded

comfort

Maybe

it

is

direction

and

guidance

that

we

need

Sometimes

we

have

no

idea

what

it

is

we

need

until

after

we

receive

it

during

meditation

The

bottom

line

is

Meditation

is

a

time

to

receive

and

you

are

worth

it

you

are

Our

meditation

is

as

personal

as

our

prayers

and

it

is

as

unique

as

we

are

I

have

meditated

while

floating

on

the

ocean

floating

on

the

river

lying

in

the

yard

sitting

Indian

style

on

the

grass

lying

inside

on

the

bed

meditation

during

stretching

exercises

and

I

am

experienced

enough

to

meditate

while

in

the

dentist

chair

or

riding

in

the

car

with

my

family

I

recall

one

time

I

was

lying

in

the

sun

meditating

and

enjoying

my

peaceful

pleasure

When

I

came

back

to

earthly

reality

I

was

so

hot

and

starting

to

get

sunburn

It

The

Songs

of

Solomon

is

a

book

in

the

Holy

Bible

that

most

theologians

believe

represents

the

relationship

between

The

Holy

Church

and

Christ

When

I

say

Holy

Church

I

mean

the

true

believers

Gods

children

I

do

not

mean

a

certain

denomination

or

religion

The

book

abbreviated

as

Songs

has

a

double

meaning

Christ

and

the

church

or

man

to

woman

Either

interpretation

is

a

beautiful

read

The

book

of

Songs

has

been

highly

criticized

because

of

its

amorous

language

yet

its

right

to

a

place

in

the

Bible

has

been

defended

by

many

saintly

souls

in

all

ages

Sensuality

Stimulated

sharpened

pleasing

dazzling

being

heightened

enhanced

appealing

delightful

luxurious

fine

arousing

stirring

and

moving

Songs

portrays

the

kind

of

sensuality

that

owns

no

lust

Jesus

refers

to

the

church

his

bride

as

my

sister

my

spouse

which

is

written

from

a

spiritual

standpoint

not

an

incestuous

one

Shamebased

notions

of

lustful

sex

are

what

disturb

some

interpreters

of

the

book

of

Songs

Songs

of

Solomon

through

Thou

hast

ravished

my

heart

my

sister

my

spouse

thou

hast

ravished

my

heart

with

one

of

thine

eyes

with

one

chain

of

thy

neck

How

fair

is

thy

love

my

sister

my

spouse

How

much

better

is

thy

love

than

wine

And

the

smell

of

thine

ointments

than

all

spices

Thy

lips

O

my

spouse

drop

as

the

honeycomb

honey

and

milk

are

under

thy

tongue

and

the

smell

of

thy

garments

is

like

the

smell

of

Lebanon

A

garden

enclosed

is

my

sister

my

spouse

a

spring

shut

up

a

fountain

sealed

Jesus

explains

in

Mathew

who

his

brothers

and

sisters

are

Mathew

For

whosoever

shall

do

the

will

of

my

Father

which

is

in

heaven

the

same

is

my

brother

and

sister

and

mother

Those

are

the

words

of

Jesus

Songs

I

sleep

but

my

heart

waketh

it

is

the

voice

of

my

beloved

that

knocketh

saying

Open

to

me

my

sister

my

love

my

dove

my

undefiled

for

my

head

is

filled

with

dew

and

my

locks

with

the

drops

of

the

night

During

meditation

we

can

experience

this

kind

of

intimacy

with

Christ

We

may

learn

and

understand

how

beautiful

it

feels

to

be

the

sister

or

brother

of

Jesus

The

scripture

reads

Open

to

me

that

is

what

we

do

during

meditation

we

expose

all

of

our

heart

and

thoughts

to

Jesus

Understanding

Jesus

as

a

brother

and

a

spouse

and

inviting

him

in

with

the

passion

and

intimacy

we

would

a

desired

lover

will

bring

fulfillment

beyond

that

of

a

natural

love

Does

it

make

sense

that

we

should

desire

and

take

pleasure

in

Christ

even

more

than

a

natural

In

my

Thompson

Chain

Reference

Bible

it

is

written

that

only

the

mature

spiritual

mind

can

interpret

the

book

of

Songs

When

we

work

through

our

issues

of

guilt

and

shame

about

sexuality

that

have

been

instilled

from

our

parents

or

abuse

or

sin

we

are

free

to

enjoy

an

intimacy

with

Christ

without

fear

and

shame

If

we

are

diligent

about

seeking

God

He

will

put

the

people

in

our

lives

that

can

help

us

process

and

overcome

our

embedded

shame

issues

As

I

have

said

before

Shame

is

the

single

most

powerful

enemy

of

a

relationship

with

God

Psalms

Stand

in

awe

and

sin

not

commune

with

your

own

heart

upon

your

bed

and

be

still

Selah

Tears

are

an

expression

of

feelings

that

words

can

not

cradle

they

are

truth

Our

minds

distort

and

misconstrue

what

our

own

heart

speaks

The

ego

abides

in

the

mind

and

says

our

heart

makes

no

sense

My

intricate

thought

misunderstands

and

so

changes

my

souls

truth

to

fit

what

fear

dictates

The

mind

such

a

great

capacity

for

reason

and

yet

our

hearts

truth

alludes

our

sometimes

enlightened

mind

Void

of

the

courage

to

set

out

toward

the

quest

to

know

ourselves

we

transform

truth

into

an

egotistical

rational

of

words

How

may

we

listen

to

our

own

heart

Can

your

heart

understand

by

faith

that

what

the

eye

sees

is

of

least

importance

Mankind

is

as

grass

temporal

My

heart

needs

help

to

know

that

the

things

I

can

not

see

with

the

eyes

are

the

greatest

most

powerful

keys

to

the

abundant

life

Psalms

My

hands

also

I

will

lift

up

to

Your

commandments

which

I

love

and

I

will

meditate

on

your

statutes

New

King

James

Version

July

THE

CARDINAL

SIN

OF

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

WHAT

IS

THE

CARDINAL

SIN

OF

AA

The

cardinal

sin

of

AA

it

is

to

take

a

mans

vulnerabilities

and

use

them

against

him

The

other

cardinal

sin

of

AA

is

to

gossip

about

what

we

have

heard

shared

in

meetings

and

to

rub

it

in

and

make

snide

sarcastic

remarks

about

what

our

fellows

revealed

about

themselves

in

the

meeting

While

we

hide

and

wear

a

mask

over

our

own

faults

and

character

defects

Pointing

the

finger

at

other

people

is

how

people

with

low

self

worth

see

themselves

as

better

than

But

they

do

it

at

the

expense

of

those

who

are

trying

to

heal

by

being

honest

and

allowing

themselves

to

become

vulnerable

with

sponsors

or

in

meetings

so

they

can

get

better

This

is

something

the

evil

and

condemning

heart

can

and

will

never

dothat

is

make

themselves

transparent

The

program

works

but

does

it

work

because

we

have

found

a

place

where

people

can

tell

us

how

bad

and

wrong

we

are

for

being

addicts

Do

we

get

sober

because

we

are

beaten

into

submission

Do

we

overcome

drugs

by

being

criticized

and

downtrodden

Heck

No

RATHER

IT

WORKS

BECAUSE

OF

THE

EMPATHY

UNDERSTANDING

AND

RELATING

THAT

WE

SHOW

ONE

ANOTHER

It

works

because

of

the

similarities

we

see

in

one

another

Criticism

is

not

a

healing

agent

We

dont

find

peace

when

someone

identifies

all

of

our

character

defects

and

does

a

reverse

fourth

and

fifth

step

on

us

If

criticism

were

able

to

keep

us

sober

and

heal

our

emotional

woes

we

would

have

been

delivered

from

addiction

a

long

time

ago

when

those

close

to

us

began

their

verbal

attacks

But

dont

tell

your

Nazilike

inventorytaking

dry

drunk

sponsor

that

Nowhere

in

the

Big

Book

does

it

instruct

our

sponsors

to

point

out

our

character

f

l

aws

for

us

Even

the

word

personal

inventory

tells

the

tale

of

SELFEXAMINATION

Sure

our

sponsors

can

guide

and

ask

us

the

right

questions

to

aid

us

in

realizing

our

flaws

So

then

what

is

the

healing

agent

of

AA

I

believe

it

is

the

show

of

caring

relating

identifying

mirroring

and

firstly

listening

and

understanding

each

others

plight

and

how

we

feel

Empathy

is

the

emotional

salve

that

shows

us

the

Love

our

heart

craves

Empathy

is

a

caring

way

of

identifying

the

similarities

between

us

and

our

fellows

But

not

just

that

empathy

then

mirrors

in

a

caring

way

to

let

us

know

that

it

has

been

through

the

same

pains

as

we

have

I

have

been

to

so

many

meetings

and

recovery

groups

where

a

pe

rson

shows

the

courage

to

share

their

heart

with

the

group

only

to

be

reprimanded

by

sometimes

as

many

as

of

the

group

Seems

many

people

just

want

to

tell

the

topic

sharer

just

how

bad

wrong

and

different

they

are

from

other

alcoholics

as

if

scolding

the

alcoholic

will

help

God

forbid

if

you

relapse

or

have

a

desire

to

drink

some

people

will

act

like

you

have

committed

a

cardinal

sin

And

yet

thats

the

very

reason

we

have

sought

out

AA

to

begin

with

AA

members

that

really

want

to

stay

sober

should

walk

into

their

group

or

meeting

looking

for

the

similarities

in

our

fellows

rather

than

the

differences

We

should

be

ready

to

tell

the

suffering

addict

that

they

are

not

alone

When

a

man

makes

himself

vulnerable

by

sharing

his

weakness

our

job

is

to

let

him

know

that

we

are

the

same

as

him

And

then

we

tell

the

sharer

and

the

whole

group

just

how

we

have

overcome

that

same

weakness

What

tools

have

we

learned

and

used

to

change

That

is

what

we

share

As

for

the

real

cardinal

sin

of

AA

it

is

to

take

a

mans

vulnerabilities

and

use

them

against

him

The

other

cardinal

sin

of

AA

is

to

gossip

about

what

we

have

heard

shared

in

meetings

and

to

rub

it

in

and

make

snide

sarcastic

remarks

about

what

our

fellows

revealed

about

themselves

in

the

meeting

While

we

hide

and

wear

a

mask

over

our

own

faults

and

character

defects

July

Moving

by

Author

Nancy

Carr

Moving

by

Author

Nancy

Carr

Since

I

got

sober

in

Ive

moved

times

Prior

to

getting

sober

I

had

moved

over

times

Youd

think

after

you

get

sober

you

stick

around

for

a

while

as

your

life

isnt

bat

shit

crazy

anymore

One

of

the

many

gifts

when

you

get

sober

is

that

you

arent

shoving

everything

you

own

into

heavy

duty

garbage

bags

tossing

out

furniture

because

youre

too

lazy

to

deal

with

it

and

leaving

a

messy

dirty

apartment

in

your

wake

Id

like

to

think

that

I

became

a

much

more

organized

and

methodical

mover

after

I

got

sober

spiritual

healing

things

that

I

must

cling

to

Besides

the

new

spiritual

library

there

are

now

God

Boxes

Coin

boxes

AA

scrapbooks

and

boxes

of

saved

Sobriety

Birthday

cards

I

have

however

become

much

more

strategic

about

my

moves

as

Im

not

skipping

out

on

roommates

or

leases

anymore

Im

a

bit

more

accountable

to

myself

and

others

now

My

moves

actually

mean

something

they

have

purpose

The

early

sober

ones

were

for

nicer

and

bigger

apartments

apartments

that

had

an

Ocean

view

closer

to

the

local

Clubhouse

and

affordable

as

my

piggy

bank

had

savings

since

I

wasnt

spending

all

my

My

th

move

in

sobriety

was

the

big

one

The

crosscountry

I

need

to

go

back

to

Philly

and

move

in

with

my

sick

Mother

find

a

real

job

and

become

reacquainted

with

the

snowy

winter

wonderland

move

It

had

been

years

and

I

needed

to

do

the

right

thing

I

needed

to

be

that

sober

daughter

to

my

mother

and

siblings

and

establish

a

life

back

home

again

If

I

wasnt

sober

Im

sure

I

wouldnt

have

left

San

Diego

as

my

selfish

self

would

have

had

a

zillion

excuses

not

to

move

back

So

I

sold

all

my

furniture

packed

up

my

Acura

sedan

and

carved

out

just

enough

space

in

the

back

for

Lucy

to

curl

up

and

slobber

out

the

window

with

her

ears

flowing

in

the

wind

I

cried

from

Encinitas

Lucy

and

I

drove

for

days

taking

the

southern

route

and

within

days

of

our

arrival

the

Snowmaggedon

blizzards

of

took

over

and

within

days

there

was

over

inches

of

snow

What

had

I

done

Reality

set

in

and

there

was

no

more

walking

over

to

Swamis

beach

for

my

evening

meditations

My

main

respite

was

that

Lucy

loved

the

snow

and

she

could

run

around

all

day

in

it

I

was

miserable

broke

cold

and

not

connected

in

local

AA

I

was

homesick

for

my

San

Diego

scene

The

day

after

we

arrived

though

I

Our

move

to

Florida

was

fueled

by

the

we

are

so

done

with

Winter

It

was

my

move

in

sobriety

my

th

move

to

a

new

Fellowship

This

move

was

no

different

than

the

other

moves

so

I

had

to

put

myself

out

there

again

and

tell

the

Fellowship

what

was

going

on

with

me

and

open

up

again

to

someone

new

I

was

able

to

get

a

new

sponsor

pretty

early

on

and

she

was

exactly

what

I

needed

God

put

her

in

my

life

for

a

reason

and

I

felt

like

I

knew

her

for

years

I

could

tell

her

anything

and

everything

and

not

feel

judged

She

got

me

and

I

got

her

Thats

how

this

deal

works

you

July

Hope

Hope

is

the

beginning

of

Faith

when

that

which

we

hope

for

comes

to

fruition

Why

do

I

have

a

voice

in

my

head

that

kicks

my

ass

This

is

why

I

dont

need

a

call

you

on

you

shit

sponsor

I

kick

my

own

ass

and

far

too

often

especially

latelyouch

I

tried

to

do

some

new

website

work

in

areas

that

I

am

learning

I

crashed

my

site

and

oh

how

that

freaks

me

out

RFH

is

back

up

she

was

only

down

for

an

hour

or

so

However

whenever

that

happens

I

get

the

feeling

that

its

the

end

of

the

world

and

I

make

it

all

my

fault

Granted

it

usually

And

so

enough

about

my

challenges

I

want

to

talk

about

hope

and

how

vitally

important

it

is

to

our

lifes

outlook

and

our

perspective

on

the

future

Hope

will

cure

depression

hope

will

keep

us

sane

hope

helps

our

attitude

it

says

to

us

everything

is

going

to

be

ok

Lori

your

Higher

Power

has

you

in

his

loving

hands

You

are

the

apple

of

his

eye

and

not

only

that

you

are

doing

the

will

of

your

father

Hope

tells

us

the

things

we

need

to

hear

Hope

isnt

just

a

mental

thought

it

comes

from

deep

within

Hope

is

the

beginning

of

faith

it

is

the

first

deposit

of

the

spiritual

gift

called

faith

Faith

when

it

is

full

blown

CAN

move

mountains

I

was

thinking

about

the

scripture

that

I

learned

as

a

little

girl

John

For

God

so

loved

the

world

that

He

gave

His

only

begotten

son

that

whosoever

believeth

in

Him

shall

not

perish

but

have

everlasting

life

Ever

lasting

life

This

is

a

hope

scripture

IF

we

get

it

deep

down

within

our

heart

We

humans

are

facing

deathevery

day

we

face

death

We

have

no

idea

when

we

are

born

how

to

grow

up

emotionally

healthy

and

our

parents

dont

know

how

to

nurture

our

vulnerable

emotions

Ofentimes

parents

try

and

Love

us

but

still

we

suffer

emotional

and

spiritual

neglect

We

must

take

time

to

do

Step

Eleven

and

strengthen

our

faith

by

meditation

We

must

allow

hope

to

grow

in

us

and

turn

into

strong

and

courageous

faith

I

have

lots

of

articles

on

how

to

balance

ones

emotions

and

recover

from

emotional

disorder

so

I

wont

go

into

it

in

this

article

as

well

This

article

is

focused

on

higher

things

There

is

only

one

gift

that

is

greater

than

hope

and

faith

and

that

of

coarse

is

Love

Better

translated

into

charity

a

giving

love

a

mature

and

caring

love

that

would

fight

to

make

someone

else

safe

and

warm

The

Bible

says

it

better

than

I

Corinthians

New

International

Version

I

speak

in

the

tongues

of

men

or

of

angels

but

do

not

have

love

I

am

only

a

resounding

gong

or

a

clanging

cymbal

I

have

the

gift

of

prophecy

and

can

fathom

all

mysteries

and

all

knowledge

and

if

I

have

a

faith

that

can

move

mountains

but

do

not

have

love

I

am

nothing

I

give

all

I

possess

to

the

poor

and

give

over

my

body

to

hardship

that

I

may

boastb

but

do

not

have

love

I

gain

nothing

is

patient

love

is

kind

It

does

not

envy

it

does

not

boast

it

is

not

proud

does

not

dishonor

others

it

is

not

selfseeking

it

is

not

easily

angered

it

keeps

no

record

of

wrongs

does

not

delight

in

evil

but

rejoices

with

the

truth

always

protects

always

trusts

always

hopes

and

always

perseveres

never

fails

But

where

there

are

prophecies

they

will

cease

where

there

are

tongues

they

will

be

stilled

where

there

is

knowledge

it

will

pass

away

we

know

in

part

and

we

prophesy

in

part

when

completeness

comes

what

is

in

part

disappears

I

was

a

child

I

talked

like

a

child

I

thought

like

a

child

I

reasoned

like

a

child

When

I

became

a

man

I

put

the

ways

of

childhood

behind

me

now

we

see

only

a

reflection

as

in

a

mirror

then

we

shall

see

face

to

face

Now

I

know

now

these

three

remain

faith

hope

and

love

But

the

greatest

of

these

is

love

The

word

of

God

will

feed

your

soul

And

if

your

heart

deeply

agrees

with

what

you

read

you

will

move

mountains

You

are

the

vessel

of

God

You

are

a

clay

pot

that

holds

a

wonderful

gift

of

diamond

inside

your

earthly

vessel

Do

not

underestimate

your

worth

Your

loving

actions

will

echo

in

eternity

Follow

your

heart

and

do

Gods

will

Do

not

side

with

the

accuser

We

have

no

right

to

judge

ever

ourselveswe

should

treat

ourselves

with

kindness

and

Love

just

like

we

would

a

little

child

so

innocent

and

pure

That

I

believe

is

how

Amen

June

Security

Tip

Security

Tip

from

Recovery

Farmhouse

When

you

receive

ads

or

any

links

in

your

email

its

best

if

you

dont

click

on

them

Developers

can

add

a

link

to

your

page

and

make

it

say

anything

for

instance

Free

Money

click

here

but

you

dont

know

what

the

real

link

address

really

is

EXCEPT

There

is

one

thing

that

those

hackers

cant

change

When

you

scroll

over

the

link

look

below

at

the

bottom

of

your

page

in

the

left

hand

corner

it

will

tell

you

the

real

link

address

Everyone

see

all

those

symbols

at

letters

at

the

bottom

of

the

page

but

we

seldom

pay

attention

to

their

exact

phrases

Now

when

someone

sends

you

an

email

link

you

can

just

scroll

over

it

and

see

where

it

will

really

take

you

Or

you

can

read

it

and

then

look

it

up

in

the

Who

is

and

find

out

if

the

website

is

black

listed

for

spam

or

malware

Blessings

to

June

Emotional

Healing

Therapeutic

Healing

I

let

all

my

secrets

out

of

the

bag

with

my

first

sponsor

who

is

now

passed

away

She

was

a

counselor

at

Bridge

House

who

by

no

coincidence

helped

me

and

several

other

women

learn

how

to

heal

from

grave

emotional

disorder

and

addictions

We

are

all

still

sober

today

that

was

in

I

remember

one

of

the

counselors

was

talking

to

me

I

was

sharing

my

horrific

past

with

him

and

all

the

tie

I

told

him

of

my

tragedies

I

had

a

twisted

smile

on

my

face

which

was

helping

me

to

NOT

FEEL

the

emotion

attached

to

the

stories

It

was

my

safety

net

I

would

not

feel

my

past

He

looked

at

me

and

said

Lori

what

you

are

telling

me

is

traumatic

and

yet

you

are

smiling

At

that

moment

all

of

my

feelings

connected

back

to

my

BECAUSE

I

HAD

NO

EMOTIONAL

PAIN

and

at

the

time

I

really

believed

it

that

was

how

deep

in

emotional

denial

I

was

But

my

feelings

buried

and

festering

were

coming

out

sideways

in

hate

resentment

and

selfloathing

I

was

buried

alive

in

guilt

and

shame

I

used

to

turn

red

with

shame

regularly

I

was

so

deep

in

shame

that

I

had

a

cancerous

tumor

grow

in

my

leg

till

finally

it

was

surgically

removed

in

My

counselor

told

me

that

people

that

take

out

their

pain

on

others

by

yelling

at

them

and

attacking

verbally

and

wrathful

Doing

a

through

fourth

step

accompanied

with

daily

prayer

and

step

eleven

meditation

goes

hand

in

hand

with

therapy

and

therapeutic

exercises

I

didnt

make

this

stuff

up

it

was

given

to

me

as

solutions

to

anxiety

attack

panic

attacks

fear

and

shame

June

International

Convention

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

Alcoholics

Anonymous

World

Services

Inc

has

not

approved

endorsed

or

reviewed

this

website

nor

is

it

affiliated

with

it

and

the

ability

to

link

to

AAs

site

does

not

imply

otherwise

International

Convention

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

July

Atlanta

Georgia

The

International

Convention

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

will

be

held

July

in

Atlanta

Georgia

with

the

theme

Years

Happy

Joyous

and

Free

AA

members

and

guests

from

around

the

world

will

celebrate

AAs

year

with

Big

Meetings

held

Friday

night

Saturday

night

and

Sunday

morning

in

the

Georgia

Dome

Other

meetings

scheduled

or

informal

will

take

place

throughout

the

weekend

in

the

Georgia

World

Congress

Center

and

local

hotels

Registration

will

be

available

on

site

at

the

Georgia

World

Congress

Center

We

know

you

are

excited

about

the

International

Convention

and

eager

for

information

BECOME

A

DRUG

ABUSE

COUNSELOR

FIND

OUT

HOW

AT

THIS

LINK

June

Websites

Do

Collect

your

Failed

Passwords

as

common

practice

Websites

Do

Collect

your

Failed

Passwords

for

security

purposes

and

as

common

practice

But

just

because

someone

owns

a

website

doesnt

make

them

trustworthy

There

is

a

good

reason

to

NOT

make

your

passwords

the

same

on

all

your

accounts

As

a

website

owner

I

have

learned

that

its

common

practice

for

security

plugins

to

collect

wrong

passwords

Have

you

ever

forgotten

your

password

and

so

you

punch

in

all

the

passwords

you

have

used

since

the

dawn

of

man

to

try

and

guess

the

right

one

Well

I

have

Until

recently

that

is

When

I

was

filling

out

the

options

boxes

for

my

websites

security

plugin

I

was

shocked

when

it

asked

me

if

I

wanted

to

collect

failed

passwords

on

all

my

Obviously

the

failed

passwords

could

be

used

for

unsavory

reasons

that

you

could

just

imagine

The

reasons

that

security

companies

legitimately

collect

failed

passwords

is

so

they

know

when

to

trigger

the

brute

force

attack

safety

features

to

protect

our

websites

If

the

failed

passwords

are

one

of

your

old

passwords

or

the

phrase

is

off

by

just

a

digit

or

two

then

the

security

feature

knows

that

its

you

and

not

a

bot

meaning

a

cyberbot

trying

to

attack

your

website

But

if

one

was

to

collect

those

passwords

and

attach

them

to

your

accounts

it

would

be

an

easy

way

to

rob

a

person

of

all

their

hard

earned

income

Brute

force

attacks

are

when

a

hacker

sends

a

bot

to

try

to

log

in

to

the

administrative

end

of

the

website

The

bot

will

try

password

after

password

until

the

system

is

exhausted

of

its

resources

and

the

hacker

can

easily

enter

Once

the

hacker

can

log

in

under

the

admin

user

name

then

the

hacker

can

go

deep

into

the

database

and

hide

files

that

leave

an

open

door

for

them

to

enter

any

time

by

a

simple

log

in

or

sneaky

backdoor

Then

they

can

collect

all

of

your

subscribers

passwords

and

failed

passwords

for

themselves

Or

Cyber

attacks

really

piss

me

off

I

was

recently

attacked

by

brute

force

The

only

thing

that

stopped

the

hits

on

my

login

was

a

pluging

called

force

field

Limit

login

attempts

was

no

help

I

even

blocked

the

IP

address

and

still

no

help

It

was

like

the

bot

attached

itself

to

my

login

and

it

wasnt

gonna

stop

till

it

found

my

password

If

you

do

start

a

WordPress

free

website

make

sure

you

dont

leave

your

username

as

the

default

admin

thats

what

they

try

first

And

second

dont

make

it

thats

the

second

most

common

user

name

for

WordPress

sites

Both

of

these

are

a

security

risk

So

change

your

passwords

often

and

use

hi

security

phrases

not

words

from

the

dictionary

Make

each

account

a

different

phrase

and

keep

them

tucked

away

somewhere

safe

June

THE

DREADED

SIN

OF

FORNICATION

From

the

book

by

Laura

Edgar

Paradise

For

The

Hellbound

the

chapter

titled

THE

DREADED

SIN

OF

FORNICATION

If

you

want

to

read

the

entire

book

click

this

link

If

you

are

a

recovering

Catholic

or

a

baby

Christian

or

even

a

seasoned

Christian

struggling

with

the

sex

issue

because

of

certain

scriptures

that

are

in

the

Bible

read

this

chapter

it

may

set

your

mind

at

ease

and

your

soul

at

rest

Guilt

sucks

and

why

on

earth

would

a

God

give

us

a

sex

drive

and

then

say

dont

use

it

Here

are

some

thoughts

on

the

topic

Read

the

book

for

free

There

are

four

more

chapters

here

httpwwwrecoveryfarmhousecomparadisehellboundlauraedgar

If

you

want

to

read

the

entire

book

just

email

me

at

recoveryfarmhousehushmailcom

Make

sure

you

add

I

was

delivered

by

God

from

heroin

and

cocaine

addiction

by

receiving

prayer

in

a

little

Baptist

Church

from

five

or

so

parishioners

including

the

preacher

At

that

time

my

life

changed

dramatically

and

so

I

was

born

of

Spirit

or

bornagain

as

the

expression

goes

Not

terribly

long

after

my

born

again

experience

which

by

the

way

included

water

baptism

baptism

of

the

Holy

Spirit

and

Im

sure

the

baptism

of

fire

Luke

All

the

Christian

credentials

I

met

a

Christian

Man

that

I

liked

very

much

he

was

quite

an

attraction

for

me

I

was

single

young

impressionable

and

very

much

desired

to

live

by

the

rules

We

dated

for

a

short

time

I

believed

in

sexual

abstinence

before

marriage

because

thats

how

I

understood

the

rule

in

the

Bible

I

believed

God

wanted

me

celibate

and

I

had

gone

a

year

with

no

romantic

relationships

a

very

strange

concept

to

most

people

I

think

However

I

had

such

strong

passionate

desire

for

this

man

I

felt

I

had

better

marry

him

dreaded

sin

of

fornication

After

all

God

had

saved

me

from

drugs

and

alcohol

I

didnt

realize

it

at

the

time

but

I

felt

obligated

as

if

now

I

owed

God

my

obedience

I

felt

as

if

there

were

strings

attached

to

my

deliverance

I

did

not

have

a

pure

understanding

of

Gods

grace

and

Love

I

was

viewing

a

spiritual

event

my

white

light

experience

from

a

carnal

and

earthly

standpoint

I

was

totally

frustrated

with

abstaining

from

sex

Between

my

unreasonable

fear

of

God

and

my

raging

hormones

I

was

about

to

make

a

huge

mistake

My

solution

for

my

overwhelming

frustration

and

fear

was

to

get

married

and

so

I

did

Not

long

after

our

union

my

young

and

handsome

husband

began

popping

Xanax

and

drinking

in

excess

He

stopped

working

and

became

very

much

an

obnoxious

drunk

I

have

learned

the

doctrine

of

marriage

from

attending

various

Christian

churches

Some

teach

that

I

should

have

actually

submitted

to

my

husband

and

stayed

married

I

was

attending

Narcotics

Anonymous

and

still

newly

sober

Some

churches

will

callously

disfellowship

or

excommunicate

a

woman

by

disciplinary

council

for

divorcing

her

husband

under

any

circumstance

Biblical

teachings

on

this

subject

can

be

misunderstood

resulting

in

oppressive

beliefs

and

doctrines

Some

church

members

said

I

should

have

persistently

prayed

for

my

will

to

happen

in

my

husbands

life

meaning

for

God

to

change

him

into

what

I

wanted

him

to

be

and

I

recognize

my

readers

may

not

agree

with

all

I

am

writing

Christian

divorce

is

a

very

sticky

subject

As

my

preacher

at

the

time

declared

Sin

to

one

may

not

be

sin

to

another

I

have

found

this

to

be

true

I

married

so

I

could

Biblically

and

lawfully

have

sexual

relations

against

the

advice

of

my

spiritual

teachers

I

married

hastily

not

knowing

the

man

well

enough

or

long

enough

Most

people

are

on

their

best

behavior

when

courting

for

the

first

days

He

certainly

had

me

fooled

Not

that

he

wasnt

a

good

man

it

was

that

his

relapse

into

alcoholism

changed

him

dramatically

Marriage

is

many

good

things

but

it

is

confined

by

intention

when

thought

of

as

only

a

solution

to

sexuality

My

motives

where

wrong

I

quickly

divorced

Slim

I

had

not

considered

his

wellbeing

when

I

married

him

I

had

ignored

the

glaring

red

flags

I

saw

in

my

soon

to

be

husband

so

I

could

get

what

I

wanted

The

union

was

based

on

selfishness

I

broke

the

marriage

vow

and

regretted

the

entire

incident

Should

I

have

stayed

in

the

marriage

and

sinned

by

selfinduced

oppression

Or

should

I

have

sinned

by

divorce

and

breaking

a

marriage

vow

I

deduced

that

I

should

not

by

God

live

in

my

sinful

mistake

the

rest

of

my

life

The

worse

sin

would

have

been

rejecting

my

freedom

to

Love

by

staying

with

a

man

in

a

graceless

institution

by

my

immature

ignorance

of

the

higher

law

of

Love

Mathew

But

I

say

unto

you

whosoever

put

away

his

wife

saving

for

the

cause

of

fornication

causeth

her

to

commit

adultery

and

whosoever

marry

her

that

is

divorced

commit

adultery

What

does

this

scripture

really

mean

It

is

saying

Gods

law

is

higher

than

mans

law

is

it

not

Even

if

the

woman

in

the

scripture

was

legally

divorced

she

still

commits

adultery

states

Jesus

The

Judge

signed

the

divorce

decree

put

his

state

seal

on

it

and

yet

in

Gods

eye

she

is

still

obligated

to

her

first

husband

Gods

law

prevails

His

law

deems

the

divorce

occurred

for

the

wrong

reasons

only

infidelity

it

declares

will

allow

such

a

separation

and

freedom

to

unite

with

another

person

My

question

is

this

are

your

beliefs

in

traditional

marriage

so

lawfully

bound

that

there

is

no

allowance

for

grace

Does

forgiveness

stop

when

we

consider

the

laws

of

marriage

I

do

not

think

that

is

what

Jesus

really

meant

Mathew

talks

about

the

scribes

and

Pharisees

who

asked

Jesus

Why

do

your

disciples

transgress

the

tradition

of

the

elders

Jesus

answered

Why

do

you

also

transgress

the

commandment

of

God

because

of

tradition

In

my

ignorance

and

fear

of

breaking

traditional

biblical

law

I

abandoned

and

breached

the

higher

law

of

Love

I

placed

my

fear

of

the

law

first

and

married

with

selfish

motives

in

my

heart

The

act

of

sin

to

one

may

not

be

sin

to

another

because

of

the

motives

of

ones

heart

Certainly

the

act

of

marriage

in

of

itself

is

not

a

sin

but

I

believe

it

may

be

a

sin

depending

on

our

heart

Suppose

I

help

someone

because

of

the

kindness

of

my

heart

and

Love

Later

I

help

someone

again

this

time

Im

doing

it

because

they

have

something

I

want

and

Im

trying

to

manipulate

them

into

giving

it

to

me

I

covet

and

lie

to

get

what

I

want

Two

of

the

same

deed

one

sin

one

Love

Indubitably

a

big

chocolate

cake

is

not

sinful

but

to

the

obese

man

it

could

be

the

tool

of

his

selfdestructive

demise

In

his

heart

he

lusts

for

it

putting

it

before

God

man

and

himself

The

cake

rules

him

it

is

Hebrews

For

the

word

of

God

is

living

and

powerful

and

sharper

than

any

two

edged

sword

piercing

even

to

the

division

of

soul

and

spirit

and

of

joints

and

marrow

and

is

a

discerner

of

thoughts

and

intents

of

the

heart

Mathew

These

people

draw

near

to

me

with

their

mouth

and

honor

me

with

their

lips

but

their

heart

is

far

from

me

Mathew

Blessed

are

the

pure

in

heart

for

they

shall

see

God

Romans

For

with

the

heart

one

believes

unto

righteousness

and

with

the

mouth

confession

is

made

to

salvation

We

have

biblically

established

that

what

is

in

our

hearts

is

the

bottom

line

with

God

unto

life

and

salvation

Given

this

knowledge

I

would

like

to

be

capable

of

placing

with

my

hand

what

goes

in

and

what

comes

out

of

my

heart

thank

you

More

selfsufficiency

Please

Selfsufficiency

does

not

jive

with

the

realm

of

The

Spirit

Lets

examine

the

fornication

issue

a

little

further

Suppose

on

the

flip

side

I

meet

that

special

man

of

God

A

man

of

God

meaning

he

lives

by

the

golden

rule

This

is

the

man

I

have

been

praying

for

the

man

I

want

for

my

life

partner

We

make

a

promise

of

fidelity

to

each

other

and

keep

it

We

embark

on

a

long

loving

relationship

free

of

guilt

and

shame

We

consider

each

other

before

ourselves

often

We

do

not

legally

marry

or

vow

a

vow

because

we

are

unsure

of

what

tomorrow

may

bring

and

we

have

both

been

married

before

Would

I

be

living

in

sin

Would

I

be

fornicating

I

think

not

Our

motives

are

pure

and

within

the

boundaries

of

Gods

higher

law

of

Love

Some

men

asked

God

this

question

Mathew

Teacher

which

is

the

greatest

commandment

in

the

law

Jesus

said

to

him

You

shall

Love

the

Lord

your

God

with

all

your

heart

with

all

your

soul

and

with

all

your

mind

This

is

the

first

and

greatest

commandment

And

the

second

is

like

it

Love

your

neighbor

as

yourself

On

these

two

commandments

hang

all

the

Law

and

the

Prophets

My

point

liberally

spoken

as

it

may

be

is

if

the

motive

in

my

heart

is

pure

and

my

actions

Loving

traditional

dos

and

donts

are

not

relevant

Moreover

this

child

of

God

is

not

bound

by

religions

meticulous

and

complicated

traditions

Some

may

call

these

traditions

religious

bondage

Fornication

as

I

understand

it

is

committing

a

wrong

act

done

out

of

twisted

immoral

motivation

selfish

in

nature

and

hurtful

to

people

Love

can

not

fornicate

only

God

can

see

my

heart

and

yours

Setting

moral

boundaries

for

me

and

identifying

what

is

and

what

is

not

sin

for

me

A

proverb

written

by

a

friend

of

mine

reads

Of

guilt

I

cant

relieve

you

though

youre

sorry

and

I

believe

you

So

often

when

we

go

against

our

own

beliefs

and

convictions

otherwise

known

as

apostasy

we

seek

justification

and

approval

from

others

These

confirmations

give

us

temporary

relief

from

inner

guilt

but

do

not

cleanse

our

soul

Justification

distracts

us

from

our

guilt

and

turns

it

to

blame

Blame

is

a

much

easier

emotion

for

our

egos

to

handle

However

our

hearts

suffer

the

loss

Unchecked

guilt

usually

results

in

selfhatred

and

snowballs

into

various

sins

A

little

guilt

can

spin

into

more

wrong

action

and

create

a

downward

spiral

toward

a

living

Hell

Another

spiritual

succubus

is

unforgiveness

Unforgiveness

also

lives

in

our

hearts

and

minds

causing

negative

action

due

to

negative

feelings

I

believe

if

we

could

see

spiritual

entities

these

emotions

such

as

guilt

hatred

blame

etc

would

appear

as

black

clouds

going

down

into

the

pit

of

our

stomachs

like

the

graphic

illustrations

of

disease

in

the

movie

The

Green

Mile

and

if

unchecked

fill

our

bodies

to

the

brim

resulting

in

feelings

that

are

unbearable

These

feelings

often

spill

over

in

a

bad

way

These

individual

sins

should

be

checked

daily

and

confessed

to

God

and

man

The

bottom

line

of

my

message

to

you

is

illustrated

here

so

perfectly

in

First

Corinthians

First

Corinthians

All

things

are

lawful

unto

me

but

all

things

are

not

expedient

All

things

are

lawful

for

me

but

I

will

not

be

brought

under

the

power

of

any

Meats

for

the

belly

and

the

belly

for

meats

but

God

shall

destroy

both

it

and

them

Now

the

body

is

not

for

fornication

but

for

the

Lord

and

the

Lord

for

the

body

AMEN

June

AA

LOVE

AND

TOLERANCE

IS

OUR

CODE

LOVE

IS

HIGHLY

UNDERRATED

IN

SOME

SECTS

OF

AA

This

article

is

dedicated

to

Beth

Palmer

who

by

her

sharing

has

the

gift

to

help

us

see

I

want

to

begin

this

post

with

a

quote

from

the

Twelve

and

Twelve

I

simply

love

Bill

Ws

literary

expression

and

agree

with

most

everything

he

and

his

fellows

wrote

Finally

we

begin

to

see

that

all

people

including

ourselves

are

to

some

extent

emotionally

ill

as

well

as

frequently

wrong

and

then

we

approach

true

tolerance

and

see

what

real

love

for

our

fellows

actually

means

Im

sure

some

AA

members

will

be

quick

to

tell

me

that

Love

wont

get

anyone

sober

but

I

say

it

will

sure

as

hell

heal

the

underlying

and

core

causes

of

addiction

when

applied

to

the

right

emotional

wounds

Often

times

in

AA

there

is

a

mentality

that

to

get

sober

we

have

to

be

kicked

in

the

ass

That

really

does

work

for

some

people

and

I

will

not

discount

that

a

call

you

on

your

shit

sponsor

is

a

valuable

commodity

However

I

think

for

the

people

that

have

had

their

asses

kicked

all

their

lives

and

Please

I

dont

mean

to

imply

a

sponsor

should

be

a

coddling

mama

figure

and

emotional

enabler

who

calls

my

wrongs

rights

and

breast

feeds

me

at

every

turn

I

just

mean

someone

who

will

not

constantly

look

to

label

their

sponcee

wrong

and

bad

Personally

I

have

done

that

to

myself

all

my

life

as

have

my

family

members

to

the

point

of

feeling

I

have

no

human

right

to

even

exist

on

the

earth

much

less

be

a

valid

and

important

member

of

society

No

I

mean

a

sponsor

who

will

validate

my

emotions

because

they

are

God

GOD

IS

LOVE

God

is

Love

When

people

have

had

a

spiritual

experience

they

walk

away

feeling

loved

by

God

and

their

faith

that

God

exists

is

increased

greatly

They

walk

away

from

the

experience

feeling

much

more

loving

towards

others

That

includes

loving

themselves

I

guess

thats

why

spirituality

is

a

solution

to

addiction

When

I

am

loving

myself

I

am

not

abusing

drugs

or

overtaking

them

When

I

am

loving

myself

I

eat

right

sleep

right

fellowship

take

myself

to

the

beach

or

the

river

Generally

I

have

a

clear

vision

of

what

is

good

for

me

and

what

is

not

and

I

follow

I

wish

my

selfwill

were

healthier

but

I

have

had

my

own

selfwill

run

me

into

the

dirt

literally

I

have

watched

like

a

bystander

as

I

have

gone

against

my

own

moral

compass

while

struggling

and

fighting

for

what

my

selfwill

demanded

and

thought

it

needed

I

have

hurt

those

I

love

and

I

have

taken

what

little

selfworth

I

had

and

crushed

it

in

the

winepress

by

my

own

apostasy

Going

against

what

I

believe

in

Apostasy

will

crush

a

mans

selfimage

quicker

than

anything

that

I

know

of

Guilt

and

remorse

set

in

when

we

do

what

There

are

many

other

addictions

besides

drugs

and

alcohol

mark

my

words

When

a

man

gets

sober

after

many

years

of

using

he

will

seek

out

a

new

addiction

even

if

it

be

the

addiction

to

something

considered

healthy

like

working

out

or

work

or

sex

or

eating

But

all

things

done

in

excess

are

potentially

harmful

So

what

then

Are

we

recovering

addicts

doomed

to

always

be

revelling

in

one

addiction

or

another

No

absolutely

not

The

solution

IS

Love

and

steps

show

us

how

to

maintain

selflove

Put

in

simpler

terms

we

make

it

a

habit

to

pray

and

meditate

at

least

minutes

a

day

We

exercise

our

bodies

and

we

eat

right

We

do

some

kind

of

service

work

and

we

keep

guilt

and

shame

off

of

our

backs

by

confessing

anything

that

makes

us

feel

guilty

and

ashamed

When

it

comes

to

confession

and

the

fifth

step

it

works

best

when

we

confess

to

both

man

and

God

Oftentimes

our

souls

will

not

feel

a

cleansing

relief

if

we

only

confess

to

God

because

He

She

It

is

so

far

removed

from

us

we

just

dont

feel

the

accountability

provided

by

a

human

The

first

or

years

of

my

own

recovery

I

had

plenty

to

confess

and

I

did

so

in

meetings

and

in

private

Not

to

mention

when

we

confess

in

meetings

it

helps

other

people

relate

to

us

and

they

realize

that

they

are

not

so

bad

or

different

than

other

people

Confessing

our

shortcomings

to

a

human

cuts

our

falsepride

to

the

quick

Falsepride

is

a

crippling

character

defect

that

has

caused

more

debauchery

and

chaos

than

imaginable

False

pride

ends

Loving

relationships

it

cant

admit

when

its

wrong

it

shuts

down

our

ability

to

learn

new

things

because

it

knows

everything

and

it

basically

and

quite

literally

will

kill

us

by

its

symptoms

if

its

not

kept

in

check

And

so

confession

and

truth

are

the

tools

we

have

to

wage

war

against

our

false

pride

This

is

another

reason

why

the

steps

work

The

truth

will

set

us

free

June

Loving

The

Unlovable

By

Nancy

Carr

Author

of

Last

Call

Available

on

Amazon

Loving

the

Unlovable

One

of

the

first

things

I

heard

when

I

joined

AA

was

we

will

love

you

until

you

can

learn

to

love

yourself

I

didnt

understand

what

that

meant

at

first

but

after

getting

some

sober

time

it

made

sense

to

me

I

came

into

AA

broken

a

shell

of

a

person

I

was

morally

spiritually

and

emotionally

bankrupt

another

saying

we

hear

in

AA

It

took

a

while

for

me

to

start

feeling

likeable

and

to

start

loving

myself

again

It

took

even

longer

for

me

to

be

able

to

offer

that

love

to

someone

else

as

I

didnt

Unconditional

Love

To

love

someone

unconditionally

wasnt

something

that

happened

to

me

overnight

It

took

time

it

took

patience

and

it

took

understanding

Im

grateful

that

I

can

love

others

in

the

rooms

as

they

all

teach

me

something

Sometimes

its

love

and

tolerance

sometimes

its

gratitude

especially

if

that

person

keeps

relapsing

The

relapser

teaches

me

willingness

and

to

never

give

up

They

remind

me

that

I

never

want

to

feel

the

way

they

are

feeling

at

that

moment

Its

a

little

bit

selfish

for

me

to

say

that

but

its

the

truth

Their

relapse

is

keeping

it

green

for

me

Last

year

we

moved

to

Florida

and

for

me

it

was

my

move

in

sobriety

Ive

moved

around

a

lot

but

moving

in

sobriety

is

like

starting

over

its

like

being

a

newcomer

again

This

move

to

Florida

was

no

different

and

I

had

to

put

myself

out

there

and

tell

the

Fellowship

what

was

going

on

with

me

and

open

up

again

to

someone

I

was

able

to

get

a

new

sponsor

pretty

early

on

and

she

was

exactly

what

I

needed

God

put

her

in

my

life

for

a

reason

and

I

felt

like

I

knew

her

A

couple

months

after

I

started

working

with

my

sponsor

she

told

me

that

we

needed

to

come

to

an

Agape

Retreat

I

had

no

idea

what

she

was

talking

about

and

she

told

me

that

its

kind

of

a

subset

of

AA

and

its

held

at

OLeno

State

Park

near

Gainesville

and

that

we

had

to

go

Since

Im

not

one

to

shy

away

from

any

weekend

getaway

I

was

on

board

I

had

been

to

a

few

AA

retreats

back

in

California

where

I

got

sober

and

I

was

more

than

happy

to

check

it

out

I

had

We

ended

up

staying

in

a

cabin

with

heat

and

I

was

about

to

experience

what

true

unconditional

love

was

Without

sharing

too

much

about

the

Agape

experience

I

will

just

sum

it

up

in

a

few

sentences

so

you

can

understand

it

further

Its

usually

people

or

so

all

in

recovery

or

trying

to

be

as

some

may

only

have

a

few

hours

sober

or

a

few

days

clean

Most

come

within

a

mile

radius

of

Gainesville

and

some

of

the

posse

has

been

coming

to

Agape

for

years

like

my

sponsor

and

some

are

newbies

When

you

go

online

and

look

up

the

definition

of

Agape

this

is

one

of

the

definitions

you

will

find

Agape

is

love

which

is

of

and

from

God

whose

very

nature

is

love

itself

The

apostle

John

affirms

this

God

is

love

God

does

not

merely

love

He

is

love

itself

Everything

God

does

flows

from

His

love

But

it

is

important

to

remember

that

Gods

love

is

not

a

sappy

sentimental

love

such

as

we

often

hear

portrayed

God

loves

because

that

is

His

nature

and

the

expression

of

His

being

He

loves

the

unlovable

and

the

unlovely

not

because

we

deserve

to

be

loved

but

because

it

is

His

nature

to

love

us

and

He

must

be

Being

unlovable

and

unlovely

is

what

drove

me

to

drink

and

drug

I

never

felt

like

I

was

enough

So

when

I

go

to

Agape

and

hear

the

unlovable

are

lovable

and

that

Agape

love

is

forgiving

and

unconditional

why

wouldnt

I

want

to

be

with

a

posse

that

embraces

that

Mind

you

I

get

a

decent

amount

of

that

love

and

acceptance

from

AA

but

its

different

at

Agape

Its

hard

to

explain

unless

youve

been

but

basically

whatever

the

question

love

is

the

answer

My

husband

and

I

just

came

back

from

our

second

Agape

weekend

and

look

forward

to

attending

the

next

one

Ive

had

people

ask

me

What

is

Agape

and

like

my

sponsor

told

me

I

just

tell

them

Its

where

the

unlovable

can

feel

loved

and

where

the

broken

can

be

put

back

together

one

piece

at

a

time

June

Why

Do

I

Beat

Myself

Up

So

Much

Why

Do

I

Beat

Myself

Up

So

Much

Why

do

we

alcoholics

either

tend

to

be

in

complete

denial

about

our

short

comings

or

we

pick

up

the

cat

of

nine

tails

and

swat

our

own

backs

till

we

bleed

Lets

face

it

most

addicts

suffer

from

selfloathing

while

they

are

in

their

addiction

And

I

know

for

a

fact

that

old

habits

die

hard

as

a

matter

of

fact

they

never

really

die

We

just

build

healthy

bridges

over

the

sick

roads

of

addiction

called

our

brains

neuralpathways

I

believe

thats

why

so

many

of

us

relapse

we

take

one

wrong

turn

and

we

are

back

on

Okay

thats

totally

negative

yes

but

unfortunately

its

true

in

many

cases

So

I

have

personally

set

some

ideas

to

memory

First

rule

I

always

have

a

choice

Nobody

takes

my

free

will

away

from

me

short

of

me

being

kidnapped

beaten

and

forced

to

drink

which

is

doubtful

to

happen

Next

I

make

a

rule

that

when

I

start

getting

into

the

beatLoriup

psychological

game

I

get

up

put

on

my

shoes

and

take

a

walk

Or

I

clean

the

house

or

I

write

an

article

but

I

definitely

move

a

muscle

and

change

a

thought

Next

I

must

But

why

do

we

have

the

tendency

to

spank

and

scream

at

ourselves

psychologically

In

my

own

case

I

surmise

from

years

of

deep

meditation

and

spiritually

boosted

selfawareness

that

my

subconscious

believes

that

if

I

spank

myself

when

I

mess

up

or

dont

do

things

exactly

the

way

I

meant

to

then

the

beating

will

make

me

do

better

The

beating

will

somehow

fix

me

and

correct

my

humanness

Remember

our

hearts

and

egos

do

not

have

to

be

logical

or

make

sense

to

our

intellect

We

should

not

allow

our

intellect

to

invalidate

our

hearts

thoughts

and

what

Lets

face

it

all

childhood

punishment

really

did

for

me

and

the

women

I

have

talked

to

about

it

is

breed

emotionally

sick

little

children

And

hey

yes

the

adults

knew

no

better

but

that

does

not

change

the

fact

that

I

need

an

outlet

for

my

emotions

and

I

needed

to

learn

new

healthy

ways

to

express

my

feelings

Repressing

emotions

is

no

longer

a

viable

option

Writing

is

a

top

priority

for

me

and

the

next

best

thing

to

sharing

with

other

women

or

in

a

meeting

Many

of

the

men

in

AA

seem

to

think

that

if

When

I

am

in

step

eleven

meditation

I

give

myself

positive

affirmations

which

also

help

me

remember

I

am

good

The

Womens

Way

Through

The

Steps

is

a

great

way

to

work

the

steps

it

also

has

a

workbook

Thank

you

for

reading

along

June

How

Do

I

Know

God

Really

Loves

Me

httpwwwrecoveryfarmhousecomimportantdisclaimer

If

it

dont

apply

let

it

fly

How

Do

I

Know

God

Really

Loves

Me

The

only

way

for

us

to

know

that

God

Loves

usreally

know

in

our

heart

and

soul

is

for

God

to

show

and

tell

us

personally

in

whatever

way

we

can

really

believe

People

can

tell

me

all

day

long

that

Jesus

Loves

me

but

unless

Jesus

introduces

himself

to

me

and

shows

me

that

He

Loves

me

I

wont

take

anyones

word

for

it

past

my

own

wishful

thinking

The

Spiritual

Awakening

One

of

the

most

common

reasons

for

people

to

run

around

telling

others

Jesus

Loves

You

is

because

they

themselves

have

truly

been

touched

by

God

and

are

inspired

to

share

or

they

have

some

kind

of

ulterior

motive

Not

all

of

them

are

delusional

or

doing

it

just

for

some

financial

gain

Many

many

people

have

had

spiritual

experiences

and

spiritual

awakenings

which

have

changed

their

lives

dramatically

for

the

better

The

question

is

how

can

I

get

a

spiritual

experience

that

will

show

me

that

God

Loves

me

personally

And

how

do

I

find

a

Higher

Power

that

will

help

me

to

stay

sober

How

can

I

attain

the

spiritual

experience

that

will

heal

me

both

emotionally

and

physically

How

can

I

receive

a

touch

from

the

almighty

God

that

will

deliver

me

from

anxiety

and

panic

attacks

Sound

selfcentered

Well

we

humans

are

selfcentered

by

nature

and

thats

one

reason

why

our

race

has

survived

Its

OK

to

love

ourselves

enough

to

seek

out

salvation

from

death

and

relief

from

pain

The

Steps

In

Step

three

of

AA

it

is

suggested

that

we

attain

a

higher

power

and

start

building

a

relationship

with

a

God

of

our

understanding

Step

Three

Made

a

decision

to

turn

our

will

and

our

lives

over

to

the

care

of

God

as

we

understood

Him

There

are

two

things

that

will

stop

a

person

from

getting

and

staying

sober

One

is

shame

in

relation

to

people

and

two

is

shame

in

relation

to

God

Shame

wants

to

isolate

us

shame

wants

to

always

be

alone

Unhealthy

emotions

were

taught

and

hatched

in

us

addicts

at

ages

one

through

five

the

formative

years

Addiction

is

but

a

symptom

of

core

emotional

issues

Unhealthy

emotions

are

an

inability

to

process

and

let

out

our

intense

feelings

We

bottle

feelings

up

until

they

make

us

sick

and

we

verbally

attack

the

ones

we

love

because

of

the

pain

So

whats

the

solution

Seeking

God

is

the

solution

Because

if

we

seek

and

continue

to

seek

we

will

find

our

own

God

Men

no

matter

how

hard

they

try

will

never

ever

be

able

to

connect

us

with

their

God

Believe

me

they

will

try

and

some

will

pretend

that

they

can

connect

us

to

God

The

first

ingredient

that

urges

us

to

seek

God

is

usually

desperation

Usually

men

have

to

become

desperate

before

they

will

seek

God

by

prayer

with

their

whole

heart

We

should

pray

and

meditate

on

a

regular

basis

to

find

God

Seek

A

Higher

Power

Where

Other

Humans

Have

Found

God

Be

willing

to

go

out

into

the

world

to

places

where

people

openly

praise

and

worship

God

Go

to

the

alter

and

confess

to

God

and

man

those

things

of

which

you

feel

guilt

Doing

a

fourth

step

should

include

writing

down

the

things

we

ourselves

feel

shame

and

guilt

for

If

we

dont

write

down

the

things

we

vehemently

want

no

one

to

ever

know

our

heart

will

not

be

cleansed

and

our

stepwork

will

not

be

a

liberating

act

of

truth

The

truth

will

set

us

free

Oh

sure

we

can

write

most

of

the

stuff

down

and

hide

our

worst

offenses

and

it

will

be

better

than

nothing

that

is

for

sure

But

to

get

the

kind

of

relief

that

promotes

a

psychic

change

and

relief

from

anxiety

and

depression

we

need

to

tell

it

all

And

not

just

tell

but

express

our

feelings

emotionally

from

wrongs

we

have

suffered

and

wrongs

we

have

done

We

need

to

do

some

crying

and

even

some

screaming

in

our

car

some

beating

the

bed

to

find

relief

What

I

am

talking

about

is

crying

and

screaming

over

things

The

Steps

Step

four

is

about

resentments

right

Next

step

Five

and

Six

are

about

finding

our

part

in

our

list

of

resentments

My

part

means

where

was

I

wrong

When

I

look

at

my

wrongs

I

should

feel

guilty

about

them

if

I

have

the

normal

human

makeup

We

should

be

uncomfortable

confessing

our

guilt

and

shame

for

our

confession

to

give

us

an

emotional

relief

The

Catholics

have

a

good

thing

called

a

confessional

Other

religions

have

alter

calls

where

people

confess

to

one

another

and

receive

prayer

In

the

step

program

we

confess

to

whoever

we

choose

to

Some

AA

groups

dont

believe

in

putting

guilt

and

shame

on

their

fourth

step

Either

their

false

pride

will

not

permit

it

or

they

have

no

guilt

which

would

make

them

sociopath

Or

their

guilt

is

buried

so

far

inside

of

them

it

will

take

an

act

of

God

to

bring

it

to

the

surface

We

should

be

patient

and

pray

for

those

who

feel

they

have

committed

no

wrongs

In

the

Big

Book

it

says

that

some

are

incapable

of

being

honest

with

themselves

they

are

not

at

fault

That

doesnt

mean

we

have

to

live

with

a

person

Perfectionism

Some

times

our

emotions

are

so

twisted

up

we

feel

guilt

over

things

that

are

not

wrong

and

we

dont

feel

guilt

over

horrible

things

we

have

done

If

we

feel

guilt

we

should

express

our

deep

feelings

even

if

people

tell

us

we

did

not

wrong

The

intensity

of

our

feelings

should

be

our

guide

to

which

emotions

get

shared

and

processed

Perfectionism

is

much

like

guilt

When

we

expect

ourselves

to

be

perfect

and

feel

bad

about

making

a

mistake

that

could

be

ego

and

pride

pushing

us

to

be

perfect

which

is

something

we

will

never

be

Beating

our

own

ass

for

being

human

is

just

another

form

of

playing

God

We

have

no

right

to

condemn

us

or

others

apparently

our

creator

wanted

us

to

be

imperfect

who

are

we

to

argue

with

that

And

at

the

same

time

we

should

work

to

improve

Doing

the

steps

is

a

blueprint

for

living

clean

and

sober

Its

also

a

blueprint

for

living

guilt

free

However

Bill

and

the

gang

missed

the

part

about

learning

how

to

express

deep

emotional

pain

Guttural

sounds

and

groans

are

another

way

to

get

pain

out

Some

emotional

pain

is

too

strong

for

even

tears

In

some

countries

it

is

not

a

shame

for

a

man

or

a

woman

to

express

deep

emotion

there

are

less

suicides

there

I

am

sure

With

the

blue

print

of

the

fourth

step

we

can

figure

out

what

it

is

we

are

feeling

June

Spiritual

Experience

SPIRITUAL

AWAKENING

The

Big

Book

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

The

terms

spiritual

experience

and

spiritual

awakening

are

used

many

times

in

this

book

which

upon

careful

reading

shows

that

the

personality

change

sufficient

to

bring

about

recovery

from

alcoholism

has

manifested

itself

among

us

in

many

different

forms

Yet

it

is

true

that

our

first

printing

gave

many

readers

the

impression

that

these

personality

changes

or

religious

experiences

must

be

in

the

nature

of

sudden

and

spectacular

upheavals

Happily

for

everyone

this

conclusion

is

erroneous

In

the

first

few

chapters

a

number

of

sudden

revolutionary

changes

are

described

Though

it

was

not

our

intention

to

create

such

an

impression

many

alcoholics

have

nevertheless

concluded

that

in

order

to

recover

they

must

acquire

an

immediate

and

overwhelming

Godconsciousness

followed

at

once

by

a

vast

change

in

feeling

and

outlook

Among

our

rapidly

growing

membership

of

thousands

of

alcoholics

such

transformations

though

frequent

are

by

no

means

the

rule

Most

of

our

experiences

are

what

the

psychologist

William

James

calls

the

educational

variety

because

they

develop

slowly

over

a

period

of

time

Quite

often

friends

of

the

newcomer

are

aware

of

the

difference

long

before

he

is

himself

He

finally

realizes

that

he

has

undergone

a

profound

alteration

in

his

reaction

to

life

that

such

a

change

could

hardly

have

been

brought

about

by

himself

alone

What

often

takes

place

in

a

few

months

could

hardly

be

accomplished

by

years

Most

of

us

think

this

awareness

of

a

Power

greater

than

ourselves

is

the

essence

of

spiritual

experience

Our

more

religious

members

call

it

Godconsciousness

Most

emphatically

we

wish

to

say

that

any

alcoholic

capable

of

honestly

facing

his

problems

in

the

light

of

our

experience

can

recover

provided

he

does

not

close

his

mind

to

all

spiritual

principles

He

can

only

be

defeated

by

an

attitude

of

intolerance

or

belligerent

denial

We

find

that

no

one

need

have

difficulty

with

the

spirituality

of

the

program

WILLINGNESS

HONESTY

AND

OPEN

MINDEDNESS

ARE

THE

ESSENTIALS

OF

RECOVERY

BUT

THESE

ARE

INDISPENSABLE

There

is

a

principle

which

is

a

bar

against

all

information

which

is

proof

against

all

arguments

and

which

can

not

fail

to

keep

a

man

in

everlasting

ignorancethat

principle

is

contempt

prior

to

investigation

HERBERT

SPENCER

June

The

Twelve

Steps

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

THE

TWELVE

STEPS

OF

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

We

admitted

we

were

powerless

over

alcoholthat

our

lives

had

become

unmanageable

Came

to

believe

that

a

Power

greater

than

ourselves

could

restore

us

to

sanity

Made

a

decision

to

turn

our

will

and

our

lives

over

to

the

care

of

God

as

we

understood

Him

Made

a

searching

and

fearless

moral

inventory

of

ourselves

Admitted

to

God

to

ourselves

and

to

another

human

being

the

exact

nature

of

our

wrongs

Were

entirely

ready

to

have

God

remove

all

these

defects

of

character

Humbly

asked

Him

to

remove

our

shortcomings

Made

a

list

of

all

persons

we

had

harmed

and

became

willing

to

make

amends

to

them

all

Made

direct

amends

to

such

people

wherever

possible

except

when

to

do

so

would

injure

them

or

others

Continued

to

take

personal

inventory

and

when

we

were

wrong

promptly

admitted

it

Sought

through

prayer

and

meditation

to

improve

our

conscious

contact

with

God

as

we

understood

Him

praying

only

for

knowledge

of

His

will

for

us

and

the

power

to

carry

that

out

Having

had

a

spiritual

awakening

as

the

result

of

these

Steps

we

tried

to

carry

this

message

to

alcoholics

and

to

practice

these

principles

in

all

our

affairs

Copyright

by

Alcoholics

Anonymous

Publishing

now

known

as

Alcoholics

Anonymous

World

Services

June

How

To

Get

Sober

SOBRIETY

I

AM

LORI

E

AND

I

AM

A

RECOVERING

ALCOHOLIC

How

To

Get

Sober

Typically

those

who

have

experienced

what

they

are

teaching

to

others

are

better

teachers

than

those

who

have

not

and

are

merely

teaching

out

of

the

book

persay

We

in

AA

dont

use

the

word

teacher

because

there

are

too

many

emotional

issues

attached

to

the

word

for

addicts

Sponsors

are

teachers

and

we

teach

our

sponsees

how

to

live

sober

Thats

one

of

the

most

important

jobs

a

teacher

can

have

If

I

had

not

been

successful

at

staying

sober

for

over

nine

years

myself

this

article

would

be

less

authentic

I

came

from

a

life

of

deep

dark

Simply

putBefore

I

could

get

sober

I

had

to

hit

bottom

My

bottom

was

crack

dens

and

then

jail

But

jail

was

a

step

up

from

where

I

had

been

First

step

to

sobriety

was

prayer

I

prayed

and

prayed

some

more

I

have

not

stopped

Then

I

did

almost

everything

the

people

in

AA

and

rehab

suggested

I

do

I

did

get

into

a

relationship

with

a

guy

who

had

seven

years

sober

at

the

time

We

are

still

sober

todaybut

he

is

a

rare

find

hence

the

prayer

He

is

a

gift

straight

from

God

Meetings

in

Days

is

a

very

important

suggestion

for

many

reasons

like

to

establish

new

sober

friendships

To

create

new

patterns

habits

To

learn

the

twelve

steps

and

traditions

To

get

a

sponsor

To

work

the

steps

Begin

doing

Twelve

Step

work

like

chairing

meetings

which

builds

new

new

worth

To

build

tolerance

and

patience

For

gratitude

to

see

people

worse

off

than

me

To

share

my

own

experience

strength

and

hope

which

adds

to

my

gratitude

and

self

worth

by

remembering

how

far

I

have

come

For

accountability

which

has

a

big

part

in

keeping

me

Next

I

sought

God

with

my

heart

and

at

churches

I

sought

a

spiritual

connection

in

places

where

people

seek

God

CONNECT

WITH

THE

WOMEN

AND

GET

THERAPY

Next

I

did

group

recovery

therapy

with

other

women

in

rehab

and

a

brilliant

psychologist

Rehab

and

AA

authorities

teach

newcomers

to

stay

away

from

romance

and

relationships

for

an

entire

year

including

sex

However

if

you

are

a

person

capable

of

independently

working

your

own

step

program

and

not

falling

into

a

codependent

lifestyle

which

pulls

you

away

from

working

hard

at

recovery

then

perhaps

you

wont

trade

your

sobrietyin

for

the

closeness

of

a

man

or

womans

affection

as

so

many

newly

sober

people

do

I

promise

you

no

matter

how

much

my

partner

a

man

was

My

lifepartner

gave

me

excellent

suggestions

but

when

it

came

to

the

core

level

emotional

processes

that

needed

to

take

place

for

me

to

heal

it

had

to

be

the

women

who

listened

cared

and

empathized

in

the

way

I

needed

My

soul

so

badly

needed

to

finally

be

validated

and

realize

I

was

not

chronically

different

and

I

dod

not

have

to

be

ashamed

any

more

I

saw

myself

as

a

child

and

realized

my

own

innocence

I

did

not

have

to

condemn

myself

anymore

My

sisters

and

I

are

one

This

connection

phenomena

is

crucial

to

healing

I

disliked

women

didnt

trust

them

and

thought

I

was

protecting

myself

by

not

opening

up

to

them

I

had

to

let

my

walls

down

and

tell

people

that

I

was

afraid

Tell

them

that

I

was

ashamed

Me

the

tough

girl

is

a

women

who

has

a

heart

that

wants

to

be

loved

and

a

partof

My

Higher

Power

gave

me

the

connections

I

needed

I

found

a

safe

place

with

my

new

women

friends

My

boyfriend

on

the

other

handhe

makes

me

laugh

Laughter

is

so

important

when

your

getting

sober

It

releases

the

feelgood

endorphins

we

all

need

so

badly

WORK

THE

STEPS

I

worked

the

step

of

Alcoholic

Anonymous

The

first

time

I

did

the

steps

was

in

rehab

and

my

fourth

step

was

all

blame

and

anger

I

was

furious

at

everyone

I

hated

myself

The

second

time

I

did

them

I

wrote

a

fifty

page

fourth

step

on

all

my

resentments

and

thing

I

resented

myself

for

and

was

ashamed

of

I

did

writing

on

each

one

to

get

my

pent

up

feelings

out

Trust

me

the

men

will

say

its

all

wrong

to

do

it

that

way

well

most

men

But

for

us

women

its

a

life

saver

CALL

YOU

ON

YOUR

SHIT

SPONSOR

I

have

heard

many

times

those

that

need

a

kick

you

in

the

ass

sponsor

who

calls

you

on

your

shit

If

someone

is

still

in

deep

denial

over

theirpart

of

event

of

the

past

I

can

see

where

that

could

snap

a

person

out

of

it

You

know

if

thats

the

kind

of

sponsor

you

need

That

does

not

mean

that

you

are

worse

than

those

that

need

the

more

mellow

empathic

sponsors

It

just

depends

on

your

personality

My

Brain

needed

washing

If

I

would

have

had

the

call

you

on

your

shit

sponsor

I

would

have

fired

her

from

the

get

go

I

consider

certain

things

disrespectful

that

others

may

not

Such

as

namecalling

and

spewing

out

authoritative

orders

in

a

public

place

to

show

they

are

inn

charge

and

superior

I

am

an

addict

not

a

dog

Dont

order

me

around

like

one

I

cant

control

the

behavior

of

other

people

but

I

can

walk

away

Respect

is

the

first

vital

component

in

a

successful

relationship

Respect

from

a

sponsor

and

anyone

for

that

matter

is

something

I

have

found

Next

more

prayer

more

meditation

and

on

that

notelots

of

nature

The

ocean

the

beach

the

springs

the

river

Buy

a

raft

and

go

float

Get

lots

of

sunshine

and

lots

and

lots

of

water

Personally

I

drank

allot

of

grape

juice

not

sure

why

but

I

believe

your

own

body

will

tell

you

what

it

needs

Easy

on

the

coffee

at

least

the

impure

coffee

with

additives

and

fake

creamer

Easy

on

the

sugar

but

fake

sugar

is

worse

Lots

more

nature

Meditate

with

crystals

Put

one

on

your

forehead

close

your

eyes

and

try

to

concentrate

on

one

Lastly

Step

Service

Work

I

started

chairing

meetings

at

sixty

days

sober

I

took

commitments

for

service

work

such

as

bringing

meetings

into

work

release

Bringing

meetings

into

the

jails

and

the

rehab

center

I

was

hot

and

heavy

into

service

work

for

the

first

five

years

I

was

sober

I

kinda

slacked

off

since

then

but

still

participate

just

not

as

much

Service

work

is

where

my

selfesteem

and

confidence

where

molded

The

benefits

of

service

are

immense

And

there

is

no

telling

what

it

has

done

for

my

karma

Thats

it

in

a

nutshell

AA

builds

lives

May

We

Can

End

The

Patriot

Act

No

More

Patriot

Act

It

doesnt

protect

Americans

rather

it

gives

Big

Brother

a

free

rein

at

not

only

surveillance

of

home

grown

Americans

but

also

gives

the

Federal

Government

the

right

to

arrest

us

with

no

provocation

or

valid

reason

basically

for

spitting

on

the

sidewalk

Please

begin

or

continue

your

sobriety

by

doing

this

next

right

thing

It

is

important

and

will

only

take

a

minute

I

dont

usually

touch

on

political

issues

on

this

website

however

this

is

urgent

The

vote

to

end

the

patriot

act

is

coming

this

Sunday

Memorial

Day

Weekend

Please

visit

this

link

to

put

in

your

vote

and

you

opinion

to

your

state

senator

Heres

the

link

and

below

is

a

copy

of

their

page

THE

SINGLE

MOST

IMPORTANT

THING

YOU

CAN

DO

Our

senators

and

reps

are

in

their

home

states

this

week

The

most

highimpact

thing

any

of

us

can

do

is

to

show

up

at

their

offices

and

deliver

this

letter

We

only

have

a

few

days

until

Sunday

Will

you

go

and

deliver

this

letter

to

them

While

youre

there

take

a

photo

and

tweet

it

to

SunsetthePatriotAct

or

email

teamfightforthefutureorg

May

SMARTEST

DOG

thank

you

SMARTEST

DOG

May

AA

Is

Getting

a

Bad

Rap

Recovery

Farmhouse

thanks

our

most

recent

guest

published

Last

Call

a

Memoir

writer

Nancy

Carr

for

sharing

her

stories

and

articles

with

us

You

can

find

Nancys

book

available

in

the

left

sidebar

AA

is

getting

a

bad

rap

lately

by

Nancy

Carr

Im

hoping

I

can

change

that

rap

Over

the

last

few

months

AA

has

been

in

the

media

and

not

in

a

good

way

When

I

saw

Gabrielle

Glaser

this

past

March

on

CNN

discussing

her

most

recent

article

in

the

Guardian

The

Irrationality

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

I

was

super

irritated

Who

the

heck

was

she

to

eschew

a

way

of

life

for

millions

of

alcoholics

and

addicts

in

recovery

from

a

seemingly

hopeless

state

of

mind

and

body

I

dont

know

why

she

felt

it

was

her

duty

to

take

on

the

AA

organization

as

a

whole

and

discount

what

an

amazing

social

movement

and

Recovery

Fellowship

it

actually

is

This

Fellowship

helps

people

and

saves

lives

Period

If

its

used

properly

of

course

I

should

further

state

what

AA

is

not

Its

not

a

speed

dating

venue

its

not

a

place

to

go

meet

your

new

neighbor

its

not

a

place

to

go

looking

for

drugs

its

not

a

place

to

further

your

career

and

reach

your

sales

quota

and

its

also

not

a

place

to

find

a

babysitter

AA

is

a

place

to

get

and

stay

sober

More

on

that

later

Back

to

Gabby

and

her

irrational

AA

article

Im

so

grateful

that

Jesse

Singal

wrote

a

counter

piece

entitled

Why

Alcoholics

Anonymous

works

He

went

on

to

say

Glasers

central

claim

that

theres

no

rigorous

scientific

evidence

that

AA

and

other

programs

work

is

wrong

Glaser

is

simply

ignoring

a

decades

worth

of

science

Further

on

in

his

piece

Jesse

gets

input

from

an

addiction

specialist

at

Massachusetts

General

Hospital

and

Harvard

Medical

School

No

thats

not

true

said

Dr

John

Kelly

When

Glasers

argument

was

run

by

him

he

countered

Theres

quite

a

bit

of

evidence

now

actually

thats

shown

that

AA

works

Further

Kelly

said

In

recent

years

researchers

have

begun

ramping

up

rigorous

research

on

what

are

known

as

facilitation

programs

which

are

clinical

interventions

designed

to

link

people

with

AA

Well

thank

goodness

Dr

John

Kelly

and

Jess

Singal

were

around

to

back

up

some

of

Glasers

BS

According

to

an

article

in

Wired

by

Brendan

Koerner

the

instruction

set

has

since

become

the

cornerstone

of

addiction

treatment

in

this

country

where

an

estimated

million

people

grapple

with

severe

alcohol

or

drug

abusemore

than

twice

the

number

of

Americans

afflicted

with

cancer

Some

million

people

belong

to

one

of

AAs

meeting

groups

in

the

US

while

countless

others

embark

on

the

steps

at

one

of

the

nations

professional

treatment

centers

Anyone

who

seeks

help

However

the

most

disturbing

piece

I

saw

recently

was

about

the

new

documentary

the

th

Step

I

had

heard

about

this

film

through

the

recovery

community

and

didnt

want

to

give

it

more

than

a

second

thought

until

I

read

Amy

Dresners

article

on

the

The

Fix

Amy

who

has

been

in

and

out

of

recovery

for

the

past

years

currently

she

has

over

years

now

in

AA

wrote

a

review

about

Monica

Richardsons

documentary

The

Step

a

film

about

predators

in

AA

Amy

goes

on

to

write

This

film

interviews

a

slew

of

women

who

have

been

sexually

abused

by

men

in

AA

as

well

as

the

family

members

of

women

like

Karla

Brada

who

have

been

murdered

by

AA

members

Brada

met

Eric

Allen

Earl

in

AA

He

had

nowhere

to

go

so

she

took

him

in

and

was

dead

by

his

hands

four

months

later

After

the

fact

her

family

dug

into

his

history

and

discovered

he

had

years

of

criminal

activity

including

eight

restraining

orders

and

a

stunning

courtorders

to

AA

Bradas

family

are

suing

AA

for

wrongful

death

Additionally

she

wrote

about

Julie

Julie

knew

a

guy

in

the

rooms

of

AA

for

three

years

and

he

invited

her

over

for

coffee

at

his

home

only

to

slip

I

highly

recommend

reading

Amys

piece

and

as

disturbing

as

it

was

it

really

annoyed

the

crap

out

of

me

Not

Amys

piece

but

the

content

of

the

documentary

Im

actually

sad

that

AA

isnt

a

safe

place

for

a

newcomer

or

anyone

ignorant

to

the

step

environment

to

get

sober

I

get

that

AA

has

these

sick

freaky

dudes

and

we

are

not

a

group

of

healthy

folk

Well

Peoples

Anonymous

it

is

not

When

I

found

out

in

my

first

days

of

recovery

what

stepping

was

I

was

shocked

I

couldnt

believe

that

men

who

seemed

to

be

so

nice

and

supportive

towards

me

wanted

to

take

advantage

of

my

vulnerability

and

ignorance

I

was

a

shell

of

a

person

when

I

walked

into

the

rooms

so

to

have

my

sponsor

tell

me

what

stepping

was

I

was

just

mortified

I

had

this

old

dude

who

kept

asking

me

out

for

coffee

and

I

was

so

naïve

as

I

didnt

know

how

to

say

No

My

sponsor

told

me

to

Amy

goes

on

in

her

piece

to

say

that

AA

is

a

breeding

ground

for

predators

and

sick

people

which

makes

complete

sense

AA

alone

is

not

a

remedy

for

our

disease

and

what

ails

us

Its

not

a

cure

all

for

everyone

and

most

people

in

the

Fellowship

like

myself

need

to

seek

outside

help

for

other

issues

The

steps

sponsorship

meetings

service

and

the

Fellowship

are

all

fine

and

dandy

but

they

dont

work

for

everyone

Its

true

that

most

people

who

come

into

AA

are

not

just

addicted

to

alcohol

they

can

be

dual

diagnosis

either

I

myself

was

stepped

by

a

sponsor

Not

in

a

sexual

way

but

in

a

manipulative

and

deceitful

way

She

was

very

well

respected

in

my

Fellowship

well

regarded

as

an

AA

pillar

to

many

She

sponsored

a

lot

of

women

she

was

asked

to

speak

frequently

at

speaker

meetings

she

held

a

womens

meeting

out

of

her

home

she

had

a

good

rap

and

she

ran

a

really

great

program

She

was

the

deal

I

wanted

what

she

had

BAM

She

was

a

fraud

I

started

noticing

some

holes

in

her

story

from

the

podium

and

started

asking

some

questions

about

this

and

that

and

soon

after

so

did

a

few

other

folks

and

lo

and

behold

it

turned

out

that

most

of

her

story

was

a

lie

and

she

had

also

been

embezzling

money

from

one

of

her

customers

Soon

the

local

authorities

were

on

to

her

and

she

was

sent

to

an

out

of

state

prison

for

a

few

years

So

yeah

there

was

a

bad

apple

in

the

bunch

but

it

didnt

deter

me

from

wanting

to

be

in

AA

Nor

Im

not

one

to

say

that

AA

is

the

only

way

to

recovery

as

there

are

other

programs

out

there

SMART

SOS

WFS

Celebrate

Recovery

spiritual

advisors

meditation

yoga

and

white

knuckling

abstinence

What

I

am

saying

and

this

is

just

my

rant

and

my

belief

is

that

AA

has

worked

for

me

unequivocally

It

works

if

I

work

it

Its

a

program

that

has

helped

shaped

me

to

be

a

better

human

being

It

has

also

helped

millions

of

other

people

and

its

a

place

where

people

come

back

to

Its

a

place

where

we

will

welcome

you

back

At

the

end

of

the

day

I

have

to

believe

in

the

foundation

of

the

program

and

how

Bill

W

wanted

it

to

be

an

easy

program

for

complicated

people

and

Rule

just

dont

take

ourselves

too

damn

seriously

Posted

by

Nancy

Carr

at

AM

No

comments

May

SOBER

STRIPPERS

May

MOMENT

OF

CLARITY

MOMENT

OF

CLARITY

In

AA

we

survivors

of

lives

of

addiction

have

many

things

in

common

The

program

works

because

we

can

relate

to

one

another

When

we

share

our

story

and

our

feelings

it

creates

a

common

bond

When

we

let

down

the

protective

walls

that

surround

us

we

open

the

door

to

love

and

friendship

One

of

our

common

experiences

is

what

we

call

a

moment

of

clarity

Something

happens

in

our

mind

that

wakes

us

up

to

realize

we

need

help

The

thing

is

we

alcoholicsaddicts

usually

spend

allot

of

time

in

denial

of

just

how

bad

our

addiction

really

is

Without

the

survival

skill

of

denial

the

guilt

and

shame

would

destroy

us

To

have

some

semblance

of

peace

in

our

corrupted

lives

we

lie

to

ourselves

on

a

regular

basis

We

blame

everybody

and

everything

around

us

that

we

can

for

the

state

of

our

affairs

I

could

write

an

entire

paper

on

denial

as

a

matter

of

fact

I

already

have

but

thats

irrelevant

The

moment

of

clarity

is

what

happens

in

our

mind

when

that

longterm

denial

drops

off

our

brain

and

we

see

the

whole

truth

about

ourselves

and

the

shape

we

are

in

We

see

suddenly

and

inexplicitly

those

we

have

harmed

and

the

money

we

have

spent

In

the

moment

of

clarity

truth

roles

over

us

like

a

freight

train

My

moment

of

clarity

happened

about

ten

days

after

I

was

thrown

in

the

clinker

for

possession

of

a

crack

pipe

and

who

knows

what

else

They

threw

me

in

isolation

for

three

days

and

then

put

me

with

the

rest

of

the

girl

in

population

LOCKED

UP

I

am

one

of

those

people

that

had

a

low

bottom

I

had

been

in

the

woods

smoking

crack

I

dont

remember

how

long

I

finally

left

the

woods

to

go

home

I

got

stopped

in

fanning

Springs

I

wasnt

even

driving

a

car

I

hid

a

crack

pipe

in

my

hair

there

was

no

time

to

throw

it

away

The

guards

left

me

in

a

little

cell

that

happened

to

have

a

chair

with

a

tiny

ledge

all

around

the

bottom

of

it

I

disposed

of

the

pipe

there

They

send

me

to

Levy

County

Jail

because

of

a

warrant

After

nine

days

of

severe

withdrawal

from

Methadone

cigarettes

crack

and

Xanax

I

looked

at

myself

in

the

steel

mirror

My

teeth

were

rotting

out

from

the

crack

I

had

lost

so

much

weight

so

fast

that

my

skin

was

hanging

off

me

unnaturally

I

felt

suck

a

severe

remorse

for

the

way

I

neglected

my

daughter

that

I

almost

died

right

there

But

I

had

my

moment

of

clarity

That

clarity

stayed

with

me

The

steps

are

designed

for

people

like

me

After

two

years

of

probation

I

went

back

in

that

jail

with

the

friends

I

met

in

AA

We

brought

meetings

in

twice

a

month

You

just

dont

know

what

a

feeling

a

joy

and

accomplishment

I

had

doing

that

step

service

work

By

the

perpetual

grace

of

Gody

sobriety

date

is

April

according

to

the

sobriety

calculator

I

have

days

sober

one

day

at

a

time

years

month

day

Time

span

weeks

days

years

Do

you

know

when

your

moment

of

clarity

was

By

Anonymous

May

SOBRIETY

CALCULATOR

May

EMOTIONALLY

GROWING

UP

IN

AA

STEP

FOUR

STEP

AND

SELFWORTH

AGREE

TO

DISAGREE

BY

GAINING

SELFWORTH

GAIN

SELF

WORTH

BY

WORKING

THE

STEPS

Having

a

different

opinion

than

my

fellows

is

ok

Expressing

varied

views

and

opinions

is

good

Debate

is

good

and

necessary

for

the

progress

of

AA

AND

OUR

NATION

We

have

elections

in

every

aspect

of

AA

except

regular

meetings

We

learn

to

agree

to

disagree

because

it

is

the

mature

and

emotionally

sober

thing

to

do

Even

in

a

facebook

AA

group

varying

outlooks

and

opinions

are

part

of

healthy

social

expression

DISRESPECT

AND

PASSIVE

AGGRESSIVE

INSULTS

ARE

A

WHOLE

OTHER

MATTER

Time

to

learn

which

is

which

if

we

dont

already

know

And

if

we

dont

know

how

AGREE

TO

DISAGREE

by

working

the

steps

Without

agree

to

disagree

there

would

be

no

Alcoholics

Anonymous

or

any

of

the

other

step

programs

Without

agree

to

disagree

anything

that

involves

political

decision

making

and

voting

would

be

chaos

Firstly

humans

always

will

and

always

have

had

varied

opinions

and

viewpoints

on

topics

When

we

have

business

meetings

in

AA

whether

it

be

in

our

home

group

intergroup

or

at

area

assembly

there

are

important

matters

at

hand

and

decisions

to

be

made

Sometimes

the

outcome

of

these

votes

will

effect

AA

as

a

whole

These

votes

are

not

about

me

as

an

individual

The

votes

What

are

the

solutions

to

low

selfworth

Notice

in

the

fourth

step

grid

on

page

in

the

effects

my

column

of

the

fourth

step

After

every

resentment

pride

and

selfesteem

are

at

the

core

of

every

resentment

Its

not

that

the

resentment

gave

me

low

selfworth

its

that

low

selfworth

is

the

prime

breeding

ground

for

resentments

because

it

puts

us

on

the

defensive

So

typically

if

I

have

low

selfworth

then

the

chances

of

me

being

able

to

engage

in

a

peaceful

disagreement

such

as

a

business

meeting

vote

and

debate

or

an

election

of

some

sort

are

slim

With

addiction

we

continually

go

against

our

ingrained

conscience

and

each

blow

against

our

conscience

And

if

we

were

raised

in

a

home

where

every

disagreement

or

varying

viewpoint

ended

in

a

violent

fight

its

no

wonder

we

are

squeamish

around

any

hint

of

varying

opinion

So

what

then

do

we

leave

all

the

important

elections

crucial

debates

and

decision

making

to

those

who

understand

peaceful

debate

and

didnt

grow

up

in

a

violent

home

where

agree

to

disagree

was

never

exhibited

HELL

NO

We

learn

we

grow

we

find

out

how

to

achieve

the

selfworth

needed

to

NOT

take

every

comment

personally

Image

how

nice

it

would

feel

to

not

get

emotionally

triggered

every

time

we

try

to

socialize

So

we

do

a

painful

and

honest

fourth

step

We

do

a

candid

fifth

step

and

share

with

someone

who

shows

respect

and

empathy

not

some

We

do

step

service

work

until

we

are

blue

in

the

face

We

take

meetings

into

jails

and

institutions

even

if

we

feel

like

our

anxiety

is

going

to

kill

us

We

stifle

our

expression

of

pen

and

tongue

unless

we

are

speaking

with

respect

We

journal

until

we

are

blue

in

the

face

because

getting

out

our

fearful

feelings

WILL

RELIEVE

OUR

ANXIETY

We

get

a

same

sexed

sponsor

and

gain

a

support

group

who

will

show

us

respect

and

if

they

dont

respect

us

then

we

respectfully

tell

them

no

we

ask

them

not

to

do

it

We

do

these

thing

even

though

they

are

new

and

scare

the

hell

out

of

us

emotionally

We

do

not

hesitate

to

make

a

fear

list

even

though

we

may

have

a

year

or

two

sober

because

there

is

no

shame

in

being

afraid

The

people

that

hide

their

fears

are

the

ones

that

suffer

the

most

emotionally

Being

afraid

is

part

of

the

human

condition

and

if

we

are

newly

sober

SOMETHING

IS

WRONG

IF

WE

ARE

NOT

AFRAID

So

after

we

write

down

all

our

fears

pertaining

to

loss

of

our

loved

ones

loss

of

our

social

status

calc

May

Step

Two

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

Sanity

step

two

and

relationships

STEP

TWO

Heavenly

Father

I

know

in

my

heart

that

only

You

can

restore

me

to

sanity

I

humbly

ask

that

You

remove

all

twisted

thought

and

addictive

behavior

from

me

this

day

Heal

my

spirit

and

restore

in

me

a

clear

mind

Overcoming

Fear

the

human

condition

from

which

all

addictions

spring

Let

no

man

condemn

himself

for

it

is

by

selfcondemnation

that

we

set

ourselves

above

God

who

is

our

only

True

Righteous

Judge

For

it

is

He

He

alone

who

possesses

a

capacity

for

the

unconditional

Grace

and

Love

which

mankinds

collective

soul

so

desperately

needs

to

survive

the

deceptive

throngs

that

encompass

death

and

the

grave

It

is

written

that

the

fear

of

death

is

the

mother

of

all

fears

and

from

it

springs

all

manner

of

worry

fear

and

anxiety

and

so

we

engage

the

great

struggle

to

defeat

these

feelings

We

can

quickly

destroy

all

our

loving

relationships

due

to

natural

kneejerk

reactions

that

fend

off

fear

and

the

feelings

that

fear

creates

Some

deadly

kneejerk

solutions

are

blame

criticisms

hate

playing

the

victim

or

the

oppressor

anything

that

relates

to

putting

down

and

condemning

others

to

make

ourselves

feel

better

if

even

just

for

a

short

while

There

is

no

shortage

of

people

to

condemn

including

ourselves

In

the

meantime

we

lose

what

our

hearts

really

need

and

craveto

Love

and

to

be

Loved

to

comfort

and

to

be

comforted

to

understand

and

to

be

understood

to

follow

our

John

Peace

I

leave

with

you

my

peace

I

give

unto

you

not

as

the

world

giveth

give

I

unto

you

Let

not

your

heart

be

troubled

neither

let

it

be

afraid

They

say

that

the

most

common

phrase

in

the

Bible

is

fear

not

Some

say

it

is

written

in

the

Bible

times

once

for

each

day

of

the

year

Staying

in

faith

and

trusting

in

God

is

easier

said

than

done

Things

happen

that

strike

fear

in

us

fear

of

loss

fear

of

losing

control

of

a

situation

fear

of

sickness

and

death

fear

that

people

will

not

like

us

or

will

desert

and

abandon

us

It

is

said

in

the

rooms

of

AA

that

people

most

commonly

have

fears

associated

with

these

three

things

Sex

Society

and

Security

Firstly

we

often

fear

losing

our

partners

boyfriends

and

husbands

Second

we

fear

losing

our

status

in

our

society

of

peers

Thirdly

we

fear

losing

our

homes

jobs

money

and

car

The

feelings

that

fear

produces

is

at

the

core

of

addiction

and

codependency

so

we

must

find

solutions

to

gnawing

and

torturous

feelings

When

we

are

well

grounded

in

our

Higher

Power

by

exercising

regular

prayer

meditation

meetings

and

service

work

we

not

only

receive

fulfillment

by

that

charity

but

we

also

have

less

reason

to

fear

because

our

faith

has

been

exercised

and

strengthened

by

regular

communing

with

God

We

must

get

our

daily

bread

our

spiritual

feeding

to

continue

trusting

God

and

to

repel

fear

When

we

pray

and

meditate

yet

find

that

our

lives

and

minds

are

still

full

of

discord

animosity

worrying

anxiety

and

stress

then

there

is

more

we

can

do

Out

of

the

problem

into

the

solution

We

write

down

our

fears

in

a

list

we

look

it

over

and

realize

we

lack

trust

in

our

Higher

Power

We

then

courageously

ask

God

to

help

us

to

trust

HimHerIt

and

if

our

religion

requires

we

repent

We

remember

our

second

step

and

the

insanity

that

God

has

delivered

us

from

Sometimes

the

insanity

of

a

second

step

returns

if

we

are

not

active

with

living

these

steps

We

remember

that

beating

ourselves

up

is

counterproductive

and

not

a

solution

to

anything

We

revisit

our

Third

step

and

remember

that

we

By

these

steps

which

include

God

we

learn

to

Love

ourselves

and

others

By

these

steps

we

replace

our

old

survival

skills

of

blame

and

all

its

cohorts

with

healthy

and

loving

coping

skills

based

in

truth

honesty

righteousness

Love

and

compassion

We

replace

character

defects

with

good

character

In

this

text

on

a

day

by

day

basis

I

will

explain

the

whys

and

hows

of

working

the

Twelve

Steps

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

which

can

apply

to

any

addiction

including

the

addictions

called

drama

selfhate

and

coda

During

the

first

year

of

my

recovery

I

had

the

opportunity

to

be

in

an

addictions

therapy

group

During

therapy

I

learned

that

there

is

no

wrong

feeling

and

that

I

must

believe

this

in

order

to

accept

myself

For

when

I

label

my

feelings

wrong

or

bad

I

label

myself

and

my

own

God

given

heart

wrong

and

bad

Terms

like

I

shouldnt

feel

this

way

or

but

theres

nothing

to

be

afraid

of

are

no

longer

in

my

vocabulary

because

there

is

always

a

valid

reason

for

the

way

Iwe

feel

Even

if

that

reason

comes

from

years

We

are

not

bad

or

wrong

ever

by

the

way

we

feel

Usually

if

our

emotions

get

stuck

in

us

and

we

hurt

and

fear

seemingly

endlessly

it

is

because

no

one

has

taught

us

how

to

process

our

feelings

They

certainly

didnt

teach

it

in

school

even

though

teaching

a

healthy

emotional

process

should

have

been

at

the

top

of

the

curriculum

Actions

and

reactions

are

the

only

things

that

can

ever

be

wrong

or

bad

I

have

found

solutions

to

the

feelings

that

I

dont

like

and

have

learned

that

some

feelings

just

take

time

to

walk

through

May

Dating

and

Sex

in

Sobriety

NO

RELATIONSHIPS

BEFORE

A

YEAR

SOBERSO

THEY

SAY

IN

AA

the

suggestion

has

much

merit

but

there

are

exceptions

to

the

rule

We

can

quickly

destroy

all

our

loving

relationships

due

to

natural

kneejerk

reactions

that

fend

off

fear

and

the

feelings

that

fear

creates

Some

deadly

kneejerk

solutions

are

blame

criticisms

hate

playing

the

victim

or

the

oppressor

anything

that

relates

to

putting

down

and

condemning

others

to

make

ourselves

feel

better

if

even

just

for

a

short

while

There

is

no

shortage

of

people

to

condemn

including

ourselves

In

the

meantime

we

lose

what

our

hearts

really

need

and

craveto

Love

and

to

be

Loved

to

comfort

and

to

be

comforted

to

understand

and

to

be

understood

to

follow

our

conscience

and

to

live

guiltfree

If

you

want

to

read

what

Alcoholics

Anonymous

take

on

dating

and

sex

is

read

page

from

the

Big

Book

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

Also

heres

the

link

to

the

Narcotics

Anonymous

literature

on

the

topic

There

are

some

awesome

suggestions

in

both

texts

I

feel

obligated

and

inspired

to

write

my

own

experience

on

the

topic

as

an

AA

member

since

My

sobriety

date

is

My

name

is

Lori

E

and

I

am

a

recovering

drunk

heroin

addict

crackhead

and

codependent

Given

all

of

the

things

that

I

have

recovered

from

including

cigarettes

I

needed

more

than

just

AA

to

get

better

However

without

AA

I

doubt

I

would

still

be

sane

and

sober

I

am

the

Chairman

of

the

New

Life

Group

in

Gainesville

Florida

I

have

done

my

share

of

taking

meetings

into

the

very

jail

I

got

sober

in

and

the

institution

that

taught

me

emotional

healing

Bridge

House

at

Meridian

Health

Care

httpmbhciorgtreatmentservicesresidentialinpatientservices

saved

my

life

and

it

cost

me

about

a

day

for

days

if

memory

serves

I

do

know

at

the

time

of

my

stay

the

government

was

footing

most

of

the

bill

They

allow

AA

to

bring

meetings

into

inpatient

on

a

regular

basis

including

women

meetings

which

at

this

phase

of

my

sobriety

are

my

favorite

Women

open

up

on

issues

that

are

so

pertinent

to

their

healing

that

would

otherwise

be

taboo

in

mixed

meetings

I

remember

they

told

us

that

only

one

out

of

the

patients

in

our

group

would

still

be

sober

after

SOBER

RELATIONSHIPS

and

codependency

Three

of

the

women

that

I

got

sober

with

including

myself

have

been

in

long

term

healthy

relationships

that

began

during

the

first

year

of

our

sobriety

in

Two

of

us

are

with

men

that

have

at

least

more

years

sober

than

ourselves

and

we

met

these

men

in

the

program

Technically

that

makes

those

two

men

step

pers

but

we

can

laugh

about

that

now

Thank

god

for

the

step

stepping

is

when

a

member

with

say

a

year

or

more

sober

preys

upon

a

new

and

vulnerable

member

Technically

this

can

be

a

very

bad

thing

so

I

wont

make

light

of

it

without

explanation

I

believe

if

we

are

over

the

age

of

we

are

responsible

for

our

choices

and

that

includes

when

we

are

newly

sober

We

women

in

my

outpatient

therapy

group

were

dating

early

on

but

we

took

every

action

and

choice

that

we

made

regarding

our

new

relationships

into

the

group

for

feedback

and

guidance

We

all

spent

at

least

a

year

in

that

therapy

group

to

nights

a

week

Since

we

had

a

support

group

we

were

not

technically

as

vulnerable

as

your

typical

and

newly

sober

woman

Without

that

group

I

would

not

be

in

a

mature

and

happy

relationship

today

But

it

took

allot

of

work

on

myself

to

change

So

two

of

us

found

our

men

in

AA

and

the

third

women

a

total

Even

our

wise

counselor

at

Bridge

House

told

us

that

from

what

he

had

seen

people

who

get

into

relationships

in

their

first

year

always

relapse

I

remember

in

group

one

day

Dr

Rand

Maryowitz

told

us

that

he

had

never

seen

a

relationship

work

that

had

started

in

the

first

year

of

sobriety

Us

women

looked

at

each

other

reading

one

anothers

minds

we

thought

there

is

no

way

we

are

ending

this

relationship

It

feels

too

good

And

it

was

good

the

trick

for

me

was

to

survive

the

crash

of

the

fairy

tale

expectations

which

was

one

I

wanted

to

RUN

AND

BLAME

so

many

times

when

my

feelings

would

get

hurt

and

I

felt

he

had

wronged

me

That

was

me

a

runner

and

a

blamer

I

was

the

victim

Each

time

I

felt

that

way

I

would

call

my

new

friends

from

group

instead

of

running

I

would

then

realize

one

of

two

things

either

my

new

partner

had

not

wronged

me

at

all

or

he

had

unknowingly

done

so

and

I

just

needed

to

communicate

with

him

on

an

honest

level

and

let

him

know

how

I

felt

and

why

I

felt

I

was

wronged

Not

so

I

could

be

THE

FACES

OF

LOVE

RULE

NUMBER

ONE

STOP

BLAMING

MY

PARTNER

FOR

MY

OWN

FEELINGS

AND

MY

OWN

CHOICES

RULE

NUMBER

TWO

TAKE

RESPONSIBILITY

FOR

EVERYTHING

IN

MY

OWN

LIFE

INCLUDING

MY

PAIN

AND

INSECURITIES

RULE

THREELEARN

WHAT

TO

DO

WITH

THE

INTENSE

FEELINGS

THAT

WONT

GO

AWAY

I

had

spent

my

whole

life

blaming

others

for

my

shit

It

took

a

strong

support

group

a

good

counselor

and

AA

the

twelve

steps

to

be

precise

for

me

to

make

the

transition

into

selfresponsibility

Here

are

some

of

the

articles

that

talk

about

the

solutions

to

relationship

sabotage

I

really

had

no

idea

what

a

healthy

relationship

was

until

I

got

sober

and

allowed

myself

to

be

emotionally

vulnerable

and

teachable

The

thing

is

we

get

hurt

and

betrayed

then

we

put

up

walls

that

protect

us

from

that

happening

again

But

unfortunately

the

instinctual

walls

of

a

sick

addict

push

love

out

and

bring

fear

in

I

had

to

learn

how

to

be

okay

with

me

I

had

to

let

myself

off

the

hook

for

all

the

mistakes

of

the

past

and

make

amends

where

I

could

I

had

to

invite

God

into

all

the

areas

of

my

life

that

I

had

been

shielding

Him

from

Without

a

Higher

Power

the

healing

process

does

not

have

the

supernatural

punch

needed

May

FORGIVENESS

and

STEP

FOUR

FORGIVENESS

Most

religions

teach

forgiveness

Forgiveness

is

a

part

of

selfLove

because

when

we

forgive

we

receive

peace

of

mind

and

healing

on

an

emotional

and

spiritual

level

But

is

it

easier

to

forgive

a

stranger

or

a

family

member

Dont

we

tend

to

allow

family

members

much

more

leniency

where

our

boundaries

are

concerned

I

recently

had

an

argument

with

some

family

members

We

argued

back

and

forth

and

one

of

them

unfriended

metemporarily

that

is

However

when

my

nephews

new

wife

entered

the

picture

and

began

verbally

attacking

me

suddenly

I

realized

that

I

had

totally

forgiven

the

members

of

my

family

and

now

despised

this

strange

women

that

my

nephew

had

recently

married

I

found

myself

hoping

for

their

speedy

divorce

so

everyone

would

see

what

a

bitch

and

traitor

she

is

Yes

its

a

good

thing

that

I

so

easily

forgave

my

family

but

its

just

as

important

to

forgive

strangers

I

thought

to

myself

screw

that

bitch

who

does

she

think

she

is

She

doesnt

deserve

my

forgiveness

However

my

unforgivness

or

resentment

toward

her

is

not

hurting

her

at

all

On

the

contrary

its

actually

hurting

me

Resentments

are

poison

that

live

inside

out

bodies

until

they

make

us

physically

sick

Furthermore

a

resentment

can

morph

into

full

blown

hate

And

then

into

wrath

where

we

are

lashing

out

and

spewing

evil

words

from

our

mouth

Jesus

said

Its

not

what

enters

the

body

that

pollutes

it

but

rather

what

comes

out

of

the

body

that

defiles

it

httpwwwblueletterbibleorgbiblecfmbMatc15

They

say

in

AA

a

resentment

is

like

eating

poison

and

waiting

for

the

other

person

to

die

And

really

every

resentment

stems

from

a

lack

of

love

for

ones

self

Big

Book

page

httpwwwaaorgassetsen_USen_bigbook_personalstories_partIIpdf

Acceptance

A

nd

acceptance

is

the

answer

to

all

my

problems

today

When

I

am

disturbed

It

is

because

I

find

some

person

place

thing

situation

Some

fact

of

my

life

unacceptable

to

me

And

I

can

find

no

serenity

until

I

accept

That

person

place

thing

or

situation

As

being

exactly

the

way

it

is

supposed

to

be

at

this

moment

Nothing

absolutely

nothing

happens

in

Gods

world

by

mistake

Until

I

could

accept

my

alcoholism

I

could

not

stay

sober

Unless

I

accept

life

completely

on

lifes

terms

I

can

not

be

happy

I

need

to

concentrate

not

so

much

On

what

needs

to

be

changed

in

the

world

As

on

what

needs

to

be

changed

in

me

and

in

my

attitudes

Alcoholics

Anonymous

Edition

p

If

I

am

angry

at

others

it

is

something

in

me

that

is

illatease

that

is

sparking

that

anger

I

know

this

Please

I

do

not

mean

that

anger

is

a

wrong

and

bad

emotion

It

is

a

valid

feeling

that

is

part

of

the

human

condition

If

I

am

angry

there

is

a

reason

behind

it

if

I

can

just

get

to

it

and

understand

it

so

I

can

let

it

go

I

have

found

that

for

myself

most

of

my

anger

stems

from

my

unreasonable

and

even

slightly

irrational

desire

to

be

perfect

in

my

own

eyes

If

I

say

I

want

to

be

God

it

soundS

ridiculous

however

that

is

the

core

character

flaw

of

most

addicts

and

alcoholics

in

recovery

It

is

where

controlism

springs

from

and

lord

knows

there

are

a

boatload

of

control

freaks

in

AA

Ok

but

how

do

I

go

about

forgiving

someone

I

hate

or

am

disgusted

with

Journalling

what

happened

and

how

it

made

me

feel

in

regard

to

my

resentment

is

very

helpful

as

well

and

is

part

of

the

letting

go

process

Being

as

concise

as

possible

when

describing

ny

feelings

is

very

important

Words

like

I

felt

weird

or

uncomfortable

uneasy

are

not

direct

terms

If

I

felt

insecure

or

afraid

or

the

fear

of

loss

or

hateful

angry

lesser

than

or

ashamed

I

should

write

it

down

STEP

FOUR

Remember

feelings

of

shame

fear

and

insecurities

do

not

have

to

be

logical

to

be

valid

and

real

If

we

shrug

off

every

intense

feeling

because

it

is

illogical

to

our

intellect

or

originated

in

our

past

then

we

are

still

repressing

emotions

and

they

will

eventually

come

out

sideways

usually

at

those

we

love

most

Firstly

the

most

handy

and

simple

solution

is

to

pray

for

those

we

resent

Again

they

teach

this

in

AA

and

its

also

in

the

Bible

Start

by

praying

every

day

for

the

person

we

resent

If

that

doesnt

work

then

write

out

a

formal

fourth

step

to

get

to

the

bottom

of

what

it

is

that

we

are

really

afraid

of

regarding

the

resentment

There

is

ALWAYS

fear

at

the

core

of

every

resentment

whether

Big

Book

step

I

want

to

stop

right

here

and

interject

one

of

the

most

important

parts

of

the

forgiveness

process

In

spite

of

what

AA

teaches

about

my

part

and

EVERYTHING

SURROUNDING

A

RESENTMENT

BEING

MY

FAULT

the

truth

is

there

are

abusers

and

very

mean

people

out

there

who

have

not

and

will

not

hesitate

to

abuse

small

children

in

unthinkable

ways

When

we

have

been

wronged

its

important

that

we

dont

blame

ourselves

for

not

knowing

how

to

let

the

pain

and

violence

that

was

inflicted

on

us

as

children

or

adults

go

People

can

tell

us

all

day

long

It

is

apparent

in

AA

that

there

are

two

types

of

people

Those

who

are

much

too

hard

on

themselves

and

are

hyperaware

of

most

of

their

character

defect

patterns

And

those

who

remain

in

deep

denial

of

their

shortcomings

and

are

incapable

of

recognizing

their

faults

on

their

own

These

types

do

well

with

a

sponsor

that

will

not

hesitate

to

point

out

their

shortcomings

for

them

As

long

as

the

light

bulb

goes

off

when

their

sponsor

points

out

their

patterns

they

can

then

work

a

successful

fourth

and

fifth

stepwith

their

sponsors

help

The

hyperaware

types

dont

Making

a

Fear

List

is

documented

in

the

Big

Book

as

part

of

the

fourth

step

of

which

many

people

overlook

Learning

to

identify

the

fear

that

lives

behind

our

intense

feelings

is

part

of

the

life

changing

self

awareness

that

comes

to

us

when

we

work

the

steps

However

these

fears

live

in

us

at

a

core

or

root

childlike

level

Most

people

are

ashamed

of

their

core

fears

and

rarely

want

to

admit

them

to

themselves

much

less

to

others

in

a

fifth

step

The

truth

shall

set

us

free

If

we

address

these

core

fears

and

So

many

times

we

hear

in

AA

I

dont

care

what

people

think

about

me

When

in

all

reality

if

we

dont

care

what

our

fellows

think

of

us

then

we

are

bordering

on

sociopath

It

is

completely

natural

to

care

what

our

fellows

think

of

us

and

to

fear

what

people

will

think

of

us

as

well

Fear

of

what

people

think

of

us

should

most

likely

be

on

our

fear

list

Ninth

Step

Promise

fear

of

people

will

leave

us

but

not

if

we

dont

do

the

work

We

label

this

flavor

of

fear

society

The

next

big

fear

is

security

who

doesnt

fear

losing

their

car

or

home

once

in

a

while

Specially

if

we

live

from

week

to

week

or

moth

to

mon

financially

The

third

primary

fear

of

loss

is

labelled

sex

Fear

of

losing

our

sexual

partner

is

a

big

on

So

many

character

defects

can

be

triggered

by

these

fears

of

loss

Jealously

envy

greed

worry

lying

cheating

and

stealing

are

all

motivated

by

fear

of

not

having

enough

money

or

enough

control

over

our

significant

others

Where

are

they

at

What

time

will

they

be

home

Who

were

they

talking

to

Why

were

they

out

all

night

So

we

right

down

our

fears

and

then

we

go

one

step

furtherBelow

the

surface

why

am

I

really

afraid

of

losing

my

significant

other

Two

things

I

am

not

trusting

my

Higher

Power

and

I

have

selfesteem

issues

I

dont

think

I

am

good

enough

If

I

were

totally

confident

in

myself

and

in

God

I

would

not

fear

losing

the

three

Ss

sex

society

and

security

times

out

of

if

I

am

disturbed

it

is

because

I

am

afraid

of

losing

and

I

am

not

trusting

God

So

whats

the

solution

I

repent

of

my

lack

of

faith

trust

and

I

ask

my

Higher

Power

to

forgive

me

and

help

me

to

trust

Him

It

Her

Also

working

steps

through

on

a

regular

basis

will

increase

my

self

esteem

and

bring

me

closer

to

God

through

prayer

and

meditation

The

steps

work

they

were

developed

for

addicts

thing

is

most

people

that

work

the

steps

do

it

at

a

very

superficial

level

Few

people

will

admit

that

they

fear

and

have

selfesteem

issues

Obviously

is

I

have

low

selfesteem

it

will

make

me

very

ashamed

and

uncomfortable

to

broach

the

topic

in

a

candid

way

May

SOBRIETY

TOOLS

TOOLS

TO

STAY

CLEAN

AND

SOBER

THE

SAME

THINGS

I

DID

TO

STAY

SOBER

NINE

YEARS

AGO

I

DO

TO

KEEP

ME

SOBER

TODAY

TEMPTATION

STRIKES

AT

NINE

YEARS

SOBER

DOES

THAT

MEAN

MY

SOBRIETY

IS

NOT

QUALITY

SOBRIETY

I

used

to

love

to

drink

the

frothy

brown

head

on

the

top

of

a

cold

Amber

Bock

or

Dark

Heineken

beer

I

preferred

my

beer

nearly

frozen

I

would

chug

down

the

first

one

till

I

remember

getting

a

warm

fuzzy

feeling

in

the

pit

of

my

stomach

Then

I

felt

the

alcohol

coarse

through

my

veins

almost

like

a

shot

of

heroin

straight

into

my

blood

stream

I

would

sit

around

with

my

friends

connecting

on

a

level

that

made

me

feel

brotherhood

and

a

sense

of

belonging

I

had

found

my

place

in

life

and

it

took

So

when

I

walked

to

my

neighbors

house

yesterday

to

pick

up

my

little

dog

I

was

a

bit

taken

by

the

ice

cold

cooler

full

of

Amber

Bock

and

the

fellowship

that

I

found

At

nine

years

sober

I

must

admit

my

mind

went

to

a

place

where

I

asked

myself

Can

I

safely

drink

After

all

I

am

a

different

person

now

When

they

kindly

offered

me

a

beer

I

laughed

and

told

them

that

I

quit

nine

years

prior

and

that

drinking

got

me

in

trouble

They

laughed

and

said

We

thought

that

was

the

whole

reason

The

counselors

at

Bridge

house

Rehab

gave

us

a

little

sobriety

tool

called

play

it

through

This

tool

if

you

really

do

want

to

be

free

from

the

miseries

drinking

brings

works

It

works

for

me

and

it

works

for

those

I

got

sober

with

back

in

who

are

still

around

My

brains

travelling

neurons

then

took

an

abrupt

turn

into

an

exit

ramp

and

caught

my

painstakingly

built

sobriety

bridge

By

doing

the

next

right

thing

and

by

Gods

grace

I

have

built

a

bridge

over

the

carved

out

and

well

used

roads

in

my

brain

labelled

This

way

to

Hell

After

nine

years

of

recovery

my

minds

neurons

have

learned

to

travel

on

the

welllit

highways

or

neuralpathways

of

sobriety

And

what

did

I

find

on

my

well

lit

road

leading

me

away

from

the

Hell

that

I

have

had

enough

of

You

guessed

it

I

found

awareness

I

SO

IS

MY

SOBRIETY

QUALITY

I

DIDNT

DRINK

I

USED

THE

TOOLS

I

DIDNT

DISRESPECT

OR

JUDGE

MY

DRINKING

NEIGHBORS

I

AM

NOT

ASHAMED

OF

WHO

I

AM

AND

MY

THOUGHTS

AND

FEELINGS

QUALITY

SOBRIETY

HAS

MANY

FACES

INCLUDING

A

FACE

OF

PAIN

BUT

THROUGH

IT

ALL

IT

HAS

A

FACE

THAT

HAS

EYES

TO

SEE

PAST

THE

EVIL

INTO

THE

GOOD

YOU

BE

THE

JUDGE

April

TRADITION

TEN

TRADITION

TEN

TRADITION

We

in

recovery

would

do

well

to

learn

how

to

agree

to

disagree

Showing

respect

to

those

whose

views

are

different

than

our

own

is

part

of

emotional

sobriety

translationMaturity

We

learn

at

business

meetings

and

at

the

poles

that

voting

and

having

varied

opinions

must

be

understood

We

should

not

run

from

all

controversial

topics

as

if

they

were

poison

and

CENSOR

them

as

if

they

were

blasphemous

Controversy

is

not

bad

and

personal

choices

and

opinions

have

NOTHING

TO

DO

WITH

THE

TENTH

TRADITION

AA

has

no

opinion

on

outside

issues

Tradition

Ten

is

about

AA

AS

A

EXAMPLE

of

a

breach

of

Tradition

Ten

would

be

I

am

the

chairman

for

the

NEW

LIFE

GROUP

in

Gainesville

Florida

representing

Alcoholics

Anonymous

in

an

official

capacity

and

I

make

a

statement

to

reporters

of

the

Tampa

Tribune

that

Alcoholics

Anonymous

officially

has

voted

to

NOT

support

The

Governor

of

Florida

in

his

next

election

because

he

endorses

Narcotics

Anonymous

and

we

hate

them

right

Or

is

it

just

who

hates

AA

offtopic

sorry

That

would

be

a

Tenth

Tradition

breach

If

we

dont

learn

to

stand

for

something

in

our

recovery

then

we

are

still

hiding

behind

a

passive

and

fearful

blanket

of

irresponsibility

Do

we

vote

Do

we

teach

our

children

the

principles

that

we

ourselves

have

chosen

in

spite

of

many

peoples

opposing

beliefs

There

is

NOTHING

wrong

with

standing

for

something

and

discussing

itthat

is

not

a

Tenth

Tradition

issue

so

next

time

you

witness

a

respectful

discussion

of

two

peoples

opposing

viewsdont

quote

the

Tenth

Tradition

as

if

it

had

something

to

do

with

it

Here

is

a

quote

from

the

Tenth

Tradition

in

the

Twelve

and

Twelve

Understanding

what

the

Tenth

Tradition

is

really

referring

too

is

vastly

overlooked

in

AA

TRADITION

TEN

OF

AALet

us

reemphasize

that

this

reluctance

to

fight

one

another

or

anybody

else

is

not

counted

motives

as

some

special

virtue

which

makes

us

feel

superior

to

other

people

Nor

does

it

mean

that

the

members

of

alcoholics

Anonymous

now

restored

as

citizens

of

the

world

are

going

to

back

away

from

their

individual

responsibilities

to

act

as

they

see

the

right

upon

issues

of

our

time

But

when

it

comes

to

AA

as

a

whole

thats

quite

a

different

matter

In

this

respect

we

do

not

enter

into

public

controversy

because

we

know

our

society

will

April

Banning

and

Censorship

in

Narcotics

Anonymous

Great

spirits

have

always

encountered

opposition

from

mediocre

minds

The

mediocre

mind

is

incapable

of

understanding

the

man

who

refuses

to

bow

blindly

to

conventional

prejudices

and

chooses

instead

to

express

his

opinions

courageously

and

honestly

Albert

Einstein

There

are

many

emotionally

mature

people

in

AND

AA

this

article

is

not

talking

about

them

The

actual

bythebook

program

of

AND

AA

are

good

and

do

work

Many

Narcotics

Anonymous

Groups

commonly

ban

and

censor

the

words

Alcoholics

Anonymous

from

their

groups

If

you

say

it

they

will

oftentimes

kick

you

out

of

the

group

If

you

use

the

word

sober

instead

of

the

word

clean

they

quickly

censor

your

writings

and

delete

your

experiences

Narcotics

Anonymous

is

staunch

about

not

even

mentioning

AA

in

groups

meetings

or

even

in

the

smoking

area

As

a

member

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

and

a

student

of

human

behavior

I

find

their

censorship

quite

interesting

and

ironic

at

the

least

For

certain

without

AA

Narcotics

Anonymous

and

all

its

copycat

from

AA

Facebook

groups

would

not

exist

Narcotics

Anonymous

has

adapted

the

twelve

steps

and

traditions

from

Alcoholics

Anonymous

Yes

they

changed

a

few

key

words

in

the

Text

but

on

the

most

part

their

text

is

from

the

Big

Book

Often

leaders

of

the

Facebook

Groups

which

notably

are

not

Narcotics

Anonymous

or

approved

by

them

become

irate

if

you

dont

abide

by

their

There

are

people

that

attend

both

programs

These

people

have

discovered

the

benefits

of

both

programs

Most

addicts

are

also

alcoholics

and

most

alcoholics

are

also

addicts

My

observation

of

common

addict

behavior

around

these

Facebook

groups

has

shown

me

that

addicts

tend

to

see

things

very

black

and

white

However

a

more

accurate

depiction

is

that

some

addicts

not

all

live

in

a

realm

of

limited

original

thought

and

high

razor

wire

walls

that

hover

around

their

thinking

and

reasoning

It

seems

that

oftentimes

Facebook

group

members

believe

all

things

are

either

good

or

bad

and

nothing

in

between

Furthermore

they

dont

believe

in

neutralities

or

vaiables

So

that

means

that

if

is

labelled

a

good

program

then

AA

has

to

be

labelled

Therapy

and

therapists

are

deemed

bad

Church

and

religion

are

bad

Because

if

they

were

deemed

good

then

would

have

to

be

checkmarked

bad

And

if

were

bad

then

the

emotionally

immature

member

himself

would

also

be

bad

because

thats

their

program

they

feel

responsible

for

the

whole

of

somehow

The

immature

and

fearful

addict

suffers

from

very

low

selfworth

So

my

theory

is

that

because

of

a

deep

dark

doubt

of

the

addicts

own

self

worth

any

different

ideals

other

than

their

own

is

interpreted

as

a

direct

hit

against

their

beliefs

Censorship

is

a

desperate

act

by

the

fearful

and

the

prejudicially

closedminded

Censorship

reflects

societys

lack

of

confidence

in

itself

It

is

a

hallmark

of

an

authoritarian

regime

Potter

Stewart

Please

give

me

just

one

valid

reason

why

there

needs

to

be

censorship

in

Narcotics

Anonymous

Groupsthere

is

no

reason

except

a

desperate

thrashing

attempt

to

validate

themselves

by

crushing

other

peoples

expression

This

is

sadno

one

taught

them

how

to

achieve

emotional

sobriety

Tradition

Ten

is

not

meant

to

be

a

vault

that

locks

out

ones

personality

and

views

Have

you

ever

sat

in

an

AA

or

meeting

and

heard

someone

quote

the

Tenth

Tradition

just

because

someone

had

the

guts

to

express

an

opinion

on

a

contraversial

topic

As

if

it

is

wrong

to

have

views

religious

stances

political

opinions

and

moral

beliefs

These

group

members

delete

and

hint

of

controversy

or

opinion

on

deep

and

interesting

topics

They

are

sadly

operating

under

the

belief

system

that

its

spiritual

and

mature

to

censor

all

opposing

views

when

they

surface

between

people

Havent

they

ever

been

to

a

AA

or

business

meetings

which

makes

our

programs

tick

Controversy

is

the

root

of

political

growth

and

our

existence

Discussions

of

alternating

views

is

a

must

among

grown

ups

to

move

forward

Stifling

all

controversy

also

stifles

emotional

maturity

Learning

communication

skills

is

a

priority

in

recovery

and

stating

ones

opinion

aids

in

personal

growth

Hiding

from

controversy

is

the

right

of

every

man

and

women

however

controlling

other

peoples

controversy

is

just

that

immature

and

vastly

controlling

Do

not

censor

my

freedom

of

speech

in

the

name

of

emotional

maturity

and

spirituality

Your

maturity

is

actually

an

act

of

playing

God

You

have

brought

your

sickness

into

your

recovery

program

and

called

it

good

Censorship

by

any

other

name

is

still

censorship

Tradition

Ten

AA

has

no

opinion

on

outside

issues

hence

the

AA

name

ought

never

be

drawn

into

public

controversy

Have

you

even

been

in

a

private

Facebook

group

where

people

are

discussing

matters

of

interest

and

someone

quotes

the

Tenth

Tradition

as

if

we

AAers

are

not

allowed

to

have

or

express

an

individual

opinion

in

a

private

group

What

does

The

Tenth

Tradition

really

mean

Does

it

mean

that

I

shouldnt

have

an

opinion

on

anything

except

what

shirt

to

put

on

Does

it

mean

that

I

can

not

agree

to

disagree

with

my

fellows

in

a

business

meeting

vote

Does

it

mean

that

I

am

not

allowed

to

state

my

opinion

in

a

meeting

or

a

group

on

Facebook

PLEASE

We

dont

get

sober

and

do

all

the

step

work

to

rebuild

our

personalities

and

lives

just

so

we

can

be

opionless

Having

no

opinion

on

anything

is

not

how

AA

got

formed

and

built

The

founders

had

to

mull

over

many

choices

and

argued

and

got

resentments

in

the

process

Shrugging

away

from

stating

my

own

personal

opinions

could

be

nothing

more

than

fearbased

running

from

responsibilities

If

I

am

one

of

the

ones

quoting

the

Tenth

tradition

in

meetings

I

better

read

it

first

so

I

understand

just

what

I

am

quoting

and

what

it

means

AA

AS

A

WHOLE

HAS

NO

OPINION

ON

OUTSIDE

YES

OUTSIDE

ISSUES

Here

is

a

quote

from

the

Tenth

Tradition

in

the

Twelve

and

Twelve

Let

us

reemphasize

that

this

reluctance

to

fight

one

another

or

anybody

else

is

not

counted

motives

as

some

special

virtue

which

makes

us

feel

superior

to

other

people

Nor

does

it

mean

that

the

members

of

alcoholics

Anonymous

now

restored

as

citizens

of

the

world

are

going

to

back

away

from

their

individual

responsibilities

to

act

as

they

see

the

right

upon

issues

of

our

time

BUT

WHEN

IT

COMES

TO

AA

AS

A

WHOLE

THATS

QUITE

A

DIFFERENT

MATTER

IN

THIS

RESPECT

WE

DO

NOT

ENTER

INTO

PUBLIC

CONTROVERSY

BECAUSE

WE

KNOW

THAT

OUR

SOCIETY

WILL

PERISH

IF

IT

DOES

Tradition

ten

twelve

twelve

page

Am

I

saying

that

we

should

argue

all

the

time

and

not

cease

fighting

No

struggling

wears

us

down

and

can

cause

emotional

hangovers

Disrespectful

actions

will

boomerang

back

at

me

and

hurt

me

However

having

my

own

belief

system

is

a

healthy

stance

and

a

sign

of

emotional

sobriety

Running

from

choices

could

be

is

a

sign

of

low

selfesteem

What

I

am

saying

is

that

I

have

an

opinion

and

should

express

it

and

even

debate

it

sometimes

which

has

nothing

to

do

with

the

Tenth

Tradition

and

AA

as

a

whole

having

a

public

opinion

in

a

April

LEAVING

AA

WHAT

PEOPLE

HATE

AND

LIKE

ABOUT

AA

Truly

once

a

man

realizes

that

he

has

the

power

of

choice

and

is

responsible

for

all

his

decisions

and

actions

he

can

no

longer

blame

others

for

his

own

misery

he

now

knows

he

alone

has

the

ultimate

power

which

isTO

TURN

WALK

AWAY

AND

NOT

LOOK

BACK

HE

HAS

THAT

RIGHT

If

he

hangs

around

for

abuse

thats

on

him

httpwwworangepapersorg

Leaving

AA

is

a

popular

topic

on

the

web

These

two

links

are

to

step

websites

These

are

created

by

disgruntled

exAA

and

members

the

Orange

Papers

site

has

allot

of

statistics

true

and

balanced

The

leaving

AA

site

is

more

just

a

bitch

session

by

people

who

either

have

been

hurt

by

people

in

AA

or

they

are

trying

hard

to

rationalize

their

own

inability

to

stay

sober

you

be

the

judge

Lord

knows

I

know

how

guilt

can

wear

on

a

person

struggling

to

stay

sober

If

it

keeps

them

feeling

sane

without

really

hurting

anyone

its

ok

I

reckon

let

them

bitch

and

criticize

I

like

to

give

a

fair

and

balanced

opinion

about

anything

Leave

it

to

alcoholics

and

addicts

to

have

to

label

things

either

all

bad

or

all

good

Addicts

are

notorious

for

wanting

to

put

the

bad

and

wrong

label

on

anything

they

can

myself

included

at

times

However

lets

face

it

there

are

not

many

things

in

this

world

that

are

all

bad

or

all

good

in

fact

it

is

a

rarity

Even

a

good

thing

can

be

overdone

until

it

becomes

bad

But

when

it

comes

to

inanimate

objects

they

are

not

usually

bad

in

and

of

themselves

However

when

it

comes

to

people

it

is

our

actions

that

can

be

bad

or

good

To

label

a

person

all

bad

or

all

good

again

will

usually

be

inaccurate

Granted

there

are

some

evil

people

out

there

who

are

bad

but

they

even

do

some

good

things

now

and

again

right

But

me

as

a

personwell

I

am

neither

bad

nor

good

I

am

just

human

The

step

programs

meaning

the

steps

in

their

proper

form

ARE

ABSOLUTELY

GOOD

Who

could

possibly

refute

that

except

maybe

someone

who

hates

the

Higher

Power

concept

or

resents

God

A

From

what

I

have

read

some

people

end

up

with

oppressive

and

controlling

sponsors

in

AA

I

dont

doubt

that

a

bit

I

have

been

a

member

of

AA

for

ten

yearsthis

time

I

have

met

the

sick

and

controlling

people

I

have

seen

the

closedmindedness

the

liars

and

the

sick

perverted

sex

offenders

But

I

have

also

seen

and

felt

the

love

I

have

experienced

the

magic

And

I

have

fallen

head

over

heals

in

love

with

AA

for

a

time

But

that

whitewashed

view

of

AA

had

to

tumble

down

from

its

pedestal

Whitewashing

anything

as

all

good

What

these

sites

above

links

comments

say

about

AA

is

probably

true

on

the

most

part

But

what

they

are

not

saying

is

that

they

need

to

label

AA

bad

because

to

them

there

is

no

such

thing

as

something

being

both

good

and

bad

IT

MUST

BE

ONE

OR

THE

OTHER

THEY

SCREAM

So

does

AA

really

work

Well

it

appears

that

only

of

newcomers

will

pick

up

a

year

medallion

and

only

will

pick

up

a

year

medallion

and

will

pick

up

a

year

medallion

Now

that

doesnt

mean

that

there

are

not

allot

of

people

that

stay

sober

due

to

AA

yet

leave

AA

for

one

reason

or

another

I

know

some

people

who

have

learned

the

steps

and

how

to

live

them

They

have

people

in

their

lives

that

they

confide

in

and

they

are

close

to

God

they

dont

NEED

the

meetings

If

members

could

express

core

issues

they

would

heal

If

people

would

get

real

in

the

rooms

more

often

and

tell

the

sick

and

suffering

addict

that

they

understand

and

have

felt

that

way

too

then

the

program

would

be

much

more

effective

But

instead

some

members

sit

like

vultures

in

meetings

waiting

for

someone

to

criticize

Emotionally

abusive

members

use

the

AA

cliches

as

if

they

were

weapons

to

stab

the

unknowledgeable

newcomers

with

Newcomers

suffer

while

some

members

make

it

a

faultfinding

meeting

rather

than

looking

for

the

similarities

and

relating

I

have

often

wondered

why

is

it

some

people

want

to

make

people

feel

better

while

others

exist

to

make

people

feel

inferior

degraded

and

wrong

If

I

were

hurt

by

an

AA

cliche

that

a

member

wielded

at

me

as

a

newcomer

would

I

then

wield

that

same

cliche

later

when

my

self

confidence

returns

Wouldnt

I

assess

that

the

statement

was

hurtful

to

me

therefore

I

would

find

another

way

to

express

a

similar

thought

However

I

do

see

people

using

the

same

tools

that

hurt

them

to

hurt

other

people

Its

not

surprising

that

many

people

just

Granted

AA

is

the

perfect

platform

for

a

minister

or

counselor

to

catapult

his

career

Some

groups

will

allow

any

member

with

days

sobriety

to

take

meetings

into

jails

and

institutions

These

people

could

have

audience

to

hundreds

of

people

in

no

time

while

they

share

their

story

and

their

own

interpretation

of

what

the

steps

are

and

how

to

work

them

Right

or

wrong

if

they

are

offering

hope

to

the

hopeless

its

good

Service

work

is

a

wonderful

thing

if

its

done

with

kindness

It

does

not

take

brash

and

mean

cliches

to

share

the

program

Why

are

so

many

members

so

defensive

when

it

comes

to

their

step

program

Thats

simple

besides

the

fact

that

AA

often

produces

miraculous

results

in

ones

life

therefore

gratitude

and

vigilant

guardianship

is

common

But

also

in

the

addicts

ego

things

are

either

good

or

bad

no

diversity

or

grey

area

so

if

someone

points

out

one

wrong

thing

with

their

AA

it

means

the

entire

program

is

bad

which

in

turn

in

the

perception

of

an

insecure

addict

makes

themselves

bad

An

insecure

man

with

low

selfworth

is

defensive

because

he

feels

he

needs

to

be

to

Feeling

we

need

to

defend

AA

is

akin

to

thinking

we

have

to

defend

God

Himself

who

clearly

doesnt

need

us

for

Its

defense

It

is

the

almighty

It

needs

no

defending

because

no

one

can

bring

it

down

Both

God

and

AA

I

think

the

only

one

that

could

truly

bring

down

the

steps

and

their

programs

would

be

He

who

established

it

to

begin

with

and

I

dont

mean

Bill

W

I

mean

God

Itself

Himself

Herself

Choose

your

own

descriptive

word

April

RECOVERY

FROM

ADDICTIONS

NOW

IS

THE

BEST

TIME

TO

START

YOUR

RECOVERY

FROM

ADDICTIONS

AND

EMOTIONAL

DISORDER

Make

a

list

of

your

sobriety

hopes

and

dreams

and

check

it

twice

It

is

written

in

the

Big

Book

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

that

Rarely

have

we

seen

a

person

fail

who

has

thoroughly

followed

our

path

If

you

have

the

capacity

to

be

honest

enough

with

yourself

to

admit

you

have

a

problemthen

you

have

a

good

chance

of

staying

sober

for

a

very

long

time

The

main

ingredient

of

recovery

is

truth

If

you

are

willing

to

take

the

steps

that

are

suggested

by

the

people

in

Alcoholics

Anonymous

that

have

stayed

sober

before

you

for

years

then

you

will

not

fail

Regardless

of

how

many

times

you

have

sabotaged

your

own

sobriety

Sit

down

make

a

list

of

all

the

good

things

that

you

want

from

your

sober

life

and

in

months

you

will

realize

you

have

been

given

and

achieved

far

more

than

you

had

hoped

for

This

is

a

common

story

told

among

those

in

AA

When

I

sat

in

jail

in

hoping

to

spend

just

one

day

with

my

daughter

at

my

favorite

beach

I

was

full

of

fear

that

I

could

not

stay

sober

or

out

of

jail

long

enough

to

do

that

Nine

years

later

I

sit

amazed

at

the

accomplishments

and

blessings

that

I

have

experienced

by

turning

my

fears

and

control

over

to

my

Higher

Power

Once

I

realized

that

the

steps

are

my

recipe

for

staying

sober

and

at

peace

with

myself

I

knew

I

had

it

made

The

reason

that

I

did

not

fail

is

I

learned

to

get

out

of

the

problem

and

into

the

solution

I

went

to

meetings

in

days

at

first

then

for

the

next

four

to

six

years

I

went

to

four

meetings

a

week

I

enjoy

meetings

now

its

not

a

burden

I

have

cleared

the

wreckage

of

my

past

by

doing

the

steps

Between

therapy

and

the

Fifth

Step

I

learned

how

to

express

myself

from

my

heart

I

learned

to

share

my

fears

rather

than

stuff

them

down

till

they

make

me

sick

I

learned

that

crying

is

a

healthy

emotion

and

a

part

of

life

I

learned

that

pain

is

the

beginning

of

healing

Journaling

my

feelings

is

priceless

to

my

emotional

health

And

meditation

feeds

peace

and

anointed

guidance

to

my

very

soul

One

day

at

a

time

I

have

earned

my

degree

in

sober

school

There

is

no

need

for

me

to

pretend

that

I

am

alien

to

progress

I

have

made

much

progress

and

you

can

too

If

you

are

willing

to

become

a

student

My

friend

I

am

sure

that

you

are

wise

in

many

ways

BUT

having

the

wisdom

to

become

teachable

again

will

save

you

The

horrible

suffering

that

addiction

brings

transforms

into

the

willingness

and

desperation

needed

to

take

your

leap

of

faith

Fear

of

the

unknown

can

lead

to

the

fulfillment

of

your

deepest

heartfelt

desires

when

you

get

out

of

the

problem

and

into

the

solutions

Do

not

prejudice

yourself

against

any

possible

help

rehab

therapy

AA

and

religion

are

all

a

step

in

the

right

direction

April

HOW

DO

I

GET

CLEAN

SOBER

If

you

seek

a

full

recovery

from

addiction

AA

Works

for

some

people

therapy

works

for

others

and

spirituality

works

for

yet

others

Combine

all

three

and

you

have

a

chance

THERAPY

Be

sure

to

choose

a

therapist

who

knows

how

to

show

empathy

not

one

who

just

sits

there

like

a

bump

on

a

log

writing

words

you

cant

see

I

say

this

because

addicts

suffer

from

low

selfworth

and

we

already

feel

like

we

are

being

judged

An

addict

will

rarely

open

up

fully

to

a

person

unless

he

feels

he

will

not

be

judged

When

it

comes

to

therapy

for

addicts

its

best

to

have

a

therapist

who

has

recovered

from

addiction

himself

And

if

you

cant

find

a

recovered

addiction

therapist

then

group

therapy

could

work

because

of

AA

sponsors

are

there

to

take

you

through

the

steps

not

to

delve

into

your

emotional

healing

The

statistics

of

suicide

among

recovering

addicts

is

high

I

am

basing

this

on

the

fact

that

I

know

several

who

have

killed

themselves

while

in

AA

I

accredit

the

suicide

rate

to

the

fact

that

so

many

recovering

addicts

dont

get

the

right

therapy

And

they

dont

address

their

true

core

issues

The

things

that

we

are

ashamed

of

are

the

things

that

haunt

us

Past

issues

live

inside

us

and

take

on

a

life

of

their

own

Past

issues

make

CHURCH

I

recommend

a

Spiritfilled

church

holy

roller

type

Dry

and

Spiritless

churches

whose

members

really

believe

in

the

gifts

of

the

Spirit

dont

have

allot

of

spiritual

power

Make

certain

that

your

church

at

least

believes

in

the

power

of

the

blood

of

Jesus

and

the

laying

on

of

hands

for

healing

and

deliverance

Truly

every

spiritual

experience

I

have

had

of

high

magnitude

has

been

in

or

around

a

church

where

people

praise

God

openly

Miracles

can

happen

anywhere

but

its

more

likely

to

find

a

miracle

at

a

tent

revival

than

in

the

bathroom

at

home

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

There

are

many

nonaddicts

in

church

who

will

not

relate

to

what

your

feeling

when

going

through

a

struggle

with

addiction

Nonaddicts

are

not

privy

to

the

practical

solutions

that

you

will

learn

at

AA

By

the

same

token

many

AA

people

dont

know

what

a

complete

deliverance

from

addiction

by

a

spiritual

experience

is

either

And

really

isnt

that

what

actually

took

place

in

Bill

Wilsons

life

the

cofounder

and

author

of

The

Big

Book

and

most

of

its

literature

That

spiritual

white

light

experience

of

his

is

what

prompted

the

idea

for

the

steps

So

really

why

The

steps

are

not

therapy

they

address

our

shortcomings

and

the

need

for

confession

and

repentance

step

You

wont

hear

it

worded

repentance

and

confession

in

AA

confession

is

called

a

fifth

step

Every

addicted

women

I

have

met

WAS

SEXUALLY

MOLESTED

at

some

point

in

their

child

hood

and

most

were

repeatedly

molested

Unfortunately

the

steps

dont

and

stepwork

dont

provide

a

way

for

true

victims

to

acquire

a

healing

If

we

hold

a

grudge

toward

our

assailant

then

the

steps

do

give

place

to

addressing

our

resentments

But

simply

jotting

down

the

event

in

a

one

sentence

format

and

then

searching

for

our

own

guilt

in

the

experience

and

what

we

did

wrong

WILL

NOT

HELP

US

HEAL

FROM

ABUSE

Maybe

thats

where

Bill

Wilson

just

missed

the

boat

on

his

own

emotional

healing

There

should

have

been

a

step

that

addresses

the

pain

of

the

true

victims

of

abuse

Victims

are

real

and

not

some

made

up

psychological

crutch

or

bad

habit

Yes

we

need

to

get

past

being

a

victim

and

the

idea

can

be

used

as

a

way

to

control

people

Oh

poor

me

give

me

attention

that

sort

of

thing

In

AA

they

call

abuse

an

outside

issue

Its

understandable

they

are

not

equipped

to

handle

deep

emotional

trauma

issues

But

in

my

opinion

those

issues

Thats

it

bottom

line

without

God

the

steps

wont

work

and

without

giving

rebellious

addicts

a

way

to

seek

God

that

is

acceptable

to

them

they

will

not

recover

thats

why

the

church

shouldnt

judge

AA

and

AA

shouldnt

judge

the

church

but

they

do

and

often

The

steps

and

Big

Book

do

not

tell

us

how

to

get

an

emotional

healing

from

abuse

And

even

if

you

dont

remember

being

abused

or

emotionally

neglected

it

doesnt

mean

it

didnt

happen

Many

addicts

dont

know

what

emotional

neglect

looks

or

feels

like

They

will

say

they

had

a

fine

childhood

my

parents

did

the

best

they

knew

how

And

they

did

except

why

then

are

we

alcoholic

Emotionally

balanced

people

dont

seek

to

numb

themselves

out

on

a

regular

basis

to

the

point

of

selfdestruction

Emotional

abuse

by

a

parent

can

be

just

as

devastating

as

sexual

Bill

Ws

depression

is

well

documented

Instead

of

looking

at

our

part

on

our

fourth

step

concerning

childhood

abuse

which

by

the

way

could

only

be

that

we

held

a

natural

resentment

toward

our

assailant

for

years

and

that

we

are

full

of

false

guilt

over

the

event

We

do

not

grow

out

of

trauma

it

will

live

inside

us

until

we

give

it

a

healthy

door

out

What

we

actually

need

to

do

is

find

a

way

to

go

back

to

the

events

that

traumatized

us

and

express

the

way

we

feel

about

it

from

our

hearts

core

Crying

JAILS

AND

INSTITUTIONS

What

about

rehabilitation

centers

Getting

thrown

in

jail

and

rehab

can

be

a

good

thing

initially

to

get

sober

Sometimes

we

have

got

to

be

locked

up

for

the

first

days

or

so

because

otherwise

we

will

not

be

able

to

get

through

the

physical

withdrawal

Plus

rehab

centers

teach

many

things

about

sobriety

Having

a

detox

center

to

help

with

the

withdraw

is

good

My

theory

is

get

all

the

help

you

can

If

your

dead

from

a

drug

overdose

having

a

house

and

job

wont

do

you

any

good

anyway

right

HOW

TO

REALLY

GET

SOBER

THERE

IS

NO

PERFECT

SPONSOR

NO

PERFECT

REHAB

CENTER

NO

PERFECT

DETOX

NO

PERFECT

COUNSELOR

NO

PERFECT

PROGRAM

AND

NO

PERFECT

CHURCH

PREACHER

OR

THERAPIST

However

all

these

imperfect

things

combined

can

lead

to

your

imperfect

recovery

A

FULL

RECOVERY

Yes

you

can

recover

AA

works

THESE

SICK

PEOPLE

ARE

KEEPING

ME

WELL

how

ironic

Those

sick

people

and

they

are

will

teach

you

how

to

get

and

stay

sober

but

you

wont

find

many

that

believe

in

employing

all

three

spirituality

therapy

and

the

steps

But

thats

what

worked

for

me

After

several

years

of

all

three

you

wont

need

meetings

anymore

why

would

you

Meetings

are

not

the

program

the

steps

are

the

program

Fellowship

though

is

a

must

in

the

beginning

to

establish

sober

relationships

with

people

Also

its

suggested

we

go

to

meetings

The

following

are

some

quotes

from

the

Big

Book

about

being

recovered

I

will

always

be

recovering

never

recovered

This

statement

is

not

aligned

with

the

teachings

of

the

Big

Book

we

do

recover

Title

Page

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

The

Story

of

How

Many

Thousands

of

Men

and

Women

Have

Recovered

from

Alcoholism

I

totally

agree

with

him

on

this

one

we

absolutely

do

recover

at

least

I

have

Page

paragraph

Doubtless

you

are

curious

to

discover

how

and

why

in

face

of

expert

opinion

to

the

contrary

we

have

recovered

from

a

hopeless

condition

of

mind

and

body

here

here

Foreword

to

the

First

Edition

We

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

are

more

than

one

hundred

men

and

women

who

have

recovered

from

a

seemingly

hopeless

state

of

mind

and

body

Page

paragraph

Further

on

clearcut

directions

are

given

showing

how

we

recovered

Page

paragraph

We

have

recovered

and

have

been

given

the

power

to

help

others

NEXT

ARTICLE

WHAT

PEOPLE

HATE

AND

LIKE

ABOUT

AA

httpwwworangepapersorg

These

two

links

are

step

websites

It

appears

that

the

sites

were

created

by

disgruntled

exAA

and

members

The

Orange

Papers

site

has

allot

of

statistics

true

and

balanced

The

leaving

AA

site

is

more

just

a

bitch

session

by

people

who

either

have

been

hurt

by

people

in

AA

or

they

are

trying

hard

to

rationalize

their

own

inability

to

stay

sober

you

be

the

judge

Lord

knows

I

know

how

guilt

can

wear

on

a

person

struggling

to

stay

sober

If

their

blaming

keeps

them

feeling

sane

without

really

hurting

anyone

its

ok

I

reckon

let

I

like

to

give

a

fair

and

balanced

opinion

about

anything

Leave

it

to

alcoholics

and

addicts

to

have

to

label

things

either

all

bad

or

all

good

Addicts

are

notorious

for

wanting

to

put

the

bad

and

wrong

label

on

anything

they

can

myself

included

at

times

However

lets

face

it

there

are

not

many

things

in

this

world

that

are

all

bad

or

all

good

in

fact

it

is

a

rarity

Even

a

good

thing

can

be

overdone

until

it

becomes

bad

But

when

it

comes

to

inanimate

objects

they

are

not

usually

bad

on

their

own

Its

From

what

I

have

read

some

people

end

up

with

oppressive

and

controlling

sponsors

in

AA

I

dont

doubt

that

a

bit

I

have

been

a

member

of

AA

for

ten

yearsthis

time

I

have

met

the

sick

and

controlling

people

I

have

seen

the

closedmindedness

the

liars

and

the

sick

perverted

sex

offenders

by

the

droves

As

a

matter

of

fact

I

think

child

molesters

and

alcoholism

go

hand

in

hand

What

these

sites

comments

say

about

AA

is

probably

true

on

the

most

part

But

what

they

are

not

saying

is

that

they

need

to

label

AA

bad

because

to

them

there

is

no

such

thing

as

something

being

both

good

and

bad

IT

MUST

BE

ONE

OR

THE

OTHER

THEY

SCREAM

So

does

AA

really

work

Well

it

appears

that

only

of

newcomers

will

pick

up

a

year

medallion

and

only

will

pick

up

a

year

medallion

and

will

pick

up

a

year

medallion

Now

that

doesnt

mean

that

there

are

not

allot

of

people

that

stay

sober

due

to

AA

yet

leave

AA

for

one

reason

or

another

I

know

some

people

who

have

learned

the

steps

and

how

to

live

them

They

have

people

in

their

lives

that

they

confide

in

and

they

are

close

to

God

they

dont

NEED

the

meetings

If

they

could

vent

they

would

heal

If

people

would

get

real

in

the

rooms

and

tell

the

sick

and

suffering

addict

that

they

understand

and

have

felt

that

way

too

then

the

program

would

be

much

more

effective

But

instead

people

sit

like

vultures

in

meetings

waiting

for

someone

to

criticize

Members

use

the

AA

cliches

as

if

they

were

weapons

to

stab

the

unknowledgable

newcomers

with

Newcomers

suffer

while

members

make

it

a

faultfinding

meeting

rather

than

looking

for

the

similarities

and

relating

I

have

often

wondered

why

is

it

some

people

want

to

make

people

feel

better

and

other

people

want

to

make

people

feel

inferior

If

I

were

hurt

by

an

AA

cliche

that

a

member

wielded

at

me

as

a

newcomer

would

I

then

wield

that

same

cliche

later

Wouldnt

I

access

that

the

statement

was

hurtful

therefore

I

would

find

another

way

to

express

a

similar

thought

However

I

do

see

people

using

the

same

tools

that

hurt

them

to

hurt

other

people

Its

not

surprising

that

many

people

just

get

tired

of

AA

Granted

AA

is

the

perfect

platform

for

a

minister

or

counselor

to

catapult

his

career

Some

groups

will

allow

any

member

with

days

sobriety

to

take

meetings

into

jails

and

institutions

These

people

could

have

audience

to

hundreds

of

people

in

no

time

while

they

share

their

story

and

their

own

interpretation

of

what

the

steps

really

are

and

how

to

work

them

Right

or

wrong

if

they

are

offering

hope

to

the

hopeless

it

good

Service

work

is

a

wonderful

thing

if

its

done

with

kindness

It

does

not

take

brash

and

mean

cliches

to

share

the

Why

are

so

many

members

so

defensive

when

it

comes

to

their

step

program

Thats

simple

in

the

addict

mind

things

are

either

good

or

bad

so

if

someone

points

out

one

wrong

thing

with

their

AA

then

that

means

that

the

entire

program

is

bad

which

in

turn

in

the

perception

of

the

insecure

addict

makes

themselves

bad

as

well

because

they

are

a

member

An

insecure

man

with

low

selfworth

is

defensive

because

he

feels

he

needs

to

be

to

make

himself

look

betterand

if

his

program

looks

bad

he

looks

bad

Feeling

we

need

to

defend

AA

is

akin

to

thinking

we

have

to

defend

God

Himself

who

clearly

doesnt

need

us

for

Its

defense

It

is

the

almighty

It

needs

no

defending

because

no

one

can

bring

it

down

Both

God

and

AA

I

think

the

only

one

that

could

truly

bring

down

the

steps

and

their

programs

would

be

He

who

established

it

to

begin

with

and

I

dont

mean

Bill

W

I

mean

God

Itself

Himself

Herself

Choose

your

own

descriptive

word

April

SOBRIETY

Your

browser

does

not

currently

recognize

any

of

the

video

formats

available

Click

here

to

visit

our

frequently

asked

questions

about

video

SOBRIETY

is

not

an

impossible

dream

Jim

Neighbors

sang

it

bestWE

CAN

DO

IT

Its

NOT

impossible

to

get

and

stay

sober

But

why

not

get

some

help

with

the

job

When

I

attempted

to

get

sober

I

knew

nothing

about

living

sober

So

I

went

to

sober

school

It

was

my

choice

to

go

to

AA

It

was

my

choice

to

stay

sober

I

didnt

know

I

had

a

choice

but

I

found

out

different

We

all

have

a

choice

its

just

that

the

lies

in

our

heads

want

us

to

believe

different

We

have

a

choice

whether

or

not

to

drink

today

When

you

are

your

own

worst

enemy

its

a

good

idea

to

invoke

an

army

of

fellows

and

facts

to

war

against

the

selfdefeating

lies

that

your

own

head

creates

Maybe

you

are

not

as

sick

as

I

was

I

lived

most

of

my

life

in

a

haze

of

drug

addiction

The

Steps

group

therapy

and

seeking

God

are

how

I

have

stayed

sober

by

the

Grace

of

God

for

nearly

years

Choose

your

favorite

step

program

and

get

a

home

group

Go

to

a

meeting

every

day

and

then

ask

someone

to

be

your

sponsor

Ask

the

person

that

you

relate

to

most

If

they

say

no

ask

someone

else

that

you

relate

to

when

they

share

in

a

step

meeting

Next

work

the

steps

Openup

in

meetings

no

matter

how

scared

you

are

and

tell

people

how

you

feel

and

where

you

are

at

psychologically

emotionally

and

spiritually

Buy

a

Twelve

and

Twelve

and

a

Big

Book

and

make

sure

that

you

are

grasping

each

step

as

you

do

it

This

website

has

the

Big

Book

available

for

cents

First

pages

which

is

all

you

need

Make

sure

at

some

point

that

you

get

some

outside

help

There

are

many

people

in

AA

that

are

prejudiced

against

therapy

However

our

literature

AA

states

that

alcohol

is

just

a

symptom

of

a

deeper

sickness

If

we

dont

deal

with

our

core

issues

we

will

not

recover

at

a

core

level

And

then

when

we

have

noone

left

to

blame

for

the

way

we

feel

we

might

be

alone

and

suicidal

Its

best

to

open

up

to

at

least

one

person

and

tell

them

the

worst

things

we

have

ever

done

Make

a

fear

list

write

down

core

fears

of

loss

and

insecurities

If

you

dont

have

any

then

your

not

human

Its

because

of

fear

childhood

neglect

abuse

and

insecurities

that

most

people

selfmedicate

Therefore

its

important

to

get

to

the

cause

of

our

Twelve

Steps

and

Twelve

Traditions

from

AA

World

Services

only

BUY

NOW

Dont

take

everyone

elses

word

for

what

the

book

says

read

it

for

yourself

Recovery

Farmhouse

has

sought

out

the

cheapest

available

price

and

we

add

no

additional

fees

to

the

price

of

this

book

purchased

from

AA

World

Services

We

are

merely

helping

to

support

AA

as

a

whole

by

supplying

this

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This

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is

sold

by

World

Services

Inc

April

BILL

WILSONS

STRUGGLE

WITH

DEPRESSION

BILL

WILSON

STRUGGLED

WITH

DEPRESSION

as

do

many

of

us

alcoholics

in

and

out

of

recovery

This

doesnt

mean

that

we

are

weak

or

inferior

All

feelings

come

from

a

valid

place

a

place

of

truth

That

place

is

our

heart

and

the

heart

doesnt

lie

However

struggling

addicts

tend

to

beat

themselves

up

about

their

heartfelt

feelings

We

were

taught

to

that

our

hearts

were

wrong

at

a

young

age

if

we

shared

our

feelings

to

a

trusted

adult

who

then

informed

us

you

shouldnt

feel

that

way

or

thats

nothing

to

be

afraid

of

I

think

if

Bill

Wilson

could

have

found

a

safe

place

to

allow

himself

to

be

emotionally

vulnerable

and

to

cry

and

express

his

fears

at

a

core

level

he

could

have

gotten

out

some

of

the

source

of

his

deep

and

ongoing

welldocumented

self

professed

depressionas

can

we

I

say

this

because

journaling

core

feelings

talking

about

core

fears

and

allowing

my

heart

to

be

illogical

is

a

part

of

selflove

Screaming

and

crying

instead

of

transforming

all

my

hurt

into

anger

is

a

solution

to

depression

and

anxiety

After

all

I

believe

sad

though

it

may

be

that

depression

is

merely

Bill

Wilsons

Fight

with

Depression

Copied

from

thankyou

to

The

pamphlet

that

Bill

had

published

on

niacin

therapy

was

a

collection

of

articles

by

several

doctors

who

had

done

research

in

the

area

My

former

sponsor

since

moved

out

of

state

had

a

copy

and

I

believe

I

saw

one

at

the

Akron

AA

Archives

too

if

memory

serves

correctly

always

questionable

When

searching

for

information

on

this

try

using

nicotonic

acid

and

nicotinamide

both

are

forms

of

niacin

and

the

terms

are

often

used

in

the

research

literature

Sept

at

the

beginning

of

the

school

year

at

Burr

and

Burton

Bill

W

was

president

of

the

senior

class

star

football

player

star

pitcher

and

captain

of

the

baseball

team

and

first

violin

in

the

school

orchestra

BWFH

Nov

Bill

Ws

schoolmate

and

first

love

Bertha

Bamford

died

from

hemorrhaging

after

surgery

at

the

Flower

Hospital

in

NYC

She

was

the

daughter

of

the

rector

of

the

Manchester

VT

Zion

Episcopal

Church

Bill

learned

about

it

at

school

on

the

It

began

a

episode

of

depression

which

severely

affected

his

performance

at

school

and

home

AACOA

PIO

BWRT

NG

BWFH

Early

at

the

start

of

his

second

semester

at

Norwich

Bill

W

hurt

his

elbow

and

insisted

on

being

treated

by

his

mother

in

Boston

She

did

not

receive

him

well

and

immediately

sent

him

back

Bill

had

panic

attacks

that

he

perceived

as

heart

attacks

Every

attempt

to

perform

physical

exercise

caused

him

to

be

taken

to

the

college

infirmary

After

several

weeks

of

being

unable

to

find

anything

wrong

the

doctors

sent

him

home

This

time

he

went

to

his

grandparents

in

East

Dorset

VT

BWFH

Spring

Bill

Ws

condition

worsened

in

East

Dorset

but

doctors

could

find

nothing

physically

wrong

He

spent

much

of

the

early

spring

in

bed

complaining

of

sinking

spells

BWFH

Later

his

grandfather

Fayette

motivated

him

with

the

prospect

of

opening

an

agency

to

sell

automobiles

Bills

depression

lifted

and

he

began

trying

to

interest

people

in

buying

automobiles

He

wrote

to

his

mother

that

he

nearly

sold

an

automobile

to

the

Bamfords

the

parents

of

his

lost

love

BWFH

On

returning

to

NY

Bill

W

and

Lois

rented

a

threeroom

apartment

at

Livingston

St

in

Brooklyn

Not

big

enough

for

Bills

desires

he

enlarged

it

by

renting

the

apartment

next

door

and

knocking

out

the

walls

between

them

BWRT

LR

PIO

By

the

end

of

Bill

W

was

so

depressed

by

his

behavior

and

drinking

that

he

signed

over

to

Lois

all

rights

title

and

interests

of

his

stockbroker

accounts

with

Baylis

and

Co

and

Tobey

and

Kirk

LR

PIO

Dec

Ebby

visited

Bill

W

at

Towns

Hospital

and

told

him

about

the

Oxford

Group

principles

After

Ebby

left

Bill

fell

into

a

deep

depression

his

deflation

at

depth

and

had

a

profound

spiritual

experience

after

crying

out

If

there

be

a

God

will

he

show

himself

Dr

Silkworth

later

assured

Bill

he

was

not

crazy

and

told

him

to

hang

on

to

what

he

had

found

In

a

lighter

vein

Bill

and

others

would

later

refer

to

this

as

his

white

flash

or

hot

flash

experience

AABB

AACOA

vii

NG

NW

PIO

Summer

Bill

W

began

twiceaweek

treatment

with

Dr

Tiebout

for

debilitating

episodes

of

depression

Some

AA

members

were

outraged

and

castigated

Bill

for

not

working

the

program

secretly

drinking

and

pill

taking

Bill

endured

the

attacks

in

silence

BWRT

BWFH

PIO

GTBT

Bill

W

started

seeing

psychotherapist

Dr

Frances

Weeks

a

Jungian

once

a

week

on

Fridays

He

continued

to

see

her

until

for

his

episodes

of

depression

BWFH

GB

PIO

After

the

depression

that

had

plagued

Bill

W

for

so

long

lifted

and

he

regained

his

bright

outlook

However

during

his

best

friend

Mark

Whalon

died

PIO

There

is

a

link

between

Bills

LSD

and

niacin

vitamin

experiences

British

radio

commentator

Gerald

Heard

introduced

Bill

W

to

Aldous

Huxley

and

British

psychiatrists

Humphrey

Osmond

and

Abram

Hoffer

the

founders

of

orthomolecular

psychiatry

Humphrey

and

Osmond

were

working

with

schizophrenic

and

alcoholic

patients

at

a

Canadian

hospital

Bill

joined

with

Heard

and

Huxley

and

first

took

LSD

in

CA

on

August

Medically

supervised

by

psychiatrist

Sidney

Cohen

of

the

LA

VA

hospital

the

LSD

experiments

occurred

well

prior

to

the

hippie

era

of

the

late

At

the

time

LSD

was

thought

to

have

psychotherapeutic

potential

research

was

also

being

funded

by

the

National

Institutes

of

Health

and

National

Academy

of

Sciences

The

intent

of

Osmond

and

Hoffer

was

to

induce

an

experience

similar

to

the

DTs

in

hopes

that

it

might

shock

alcoholics

away

from

alcohol

Among

those

invited

to

experiment

with

LSD

and

who

accepted

were

Nell

Wing

Father

Ed

Dowling

Sam

Shoemaker

and

Lois

Wilson

Marty

M

and

other

AA

members

participated

in

NY

under

medical

supervision

by

a

psychiatrist

from

Roosevelt

Hospital

Bill

had

several

experiments

with

LSD

up

to

perhaps

into

the

early

The

book

Pass

It

On

PIO

reports

the

full

LSD

story

and

notes

that

there

were

repercussions

within

AA

over

these

activities

Lois

was

a

reluctant

participant

and

claimed

to

have

had

no

response

to

the

chemical

Hoffer

and

Osmond

did

research

that

later

influenced

Bill

in

December

to

enthusiastically

embrace

a

campaign

to

promote

vitamin

niacin

therapy

It

also

created

Traditions

issues

within

the

Fellowship

and

caused

a

bit

of

an

uproar

The

book

Pass

It

On

PIO

has

a

fairly

full

discussion

Note

In

January

Bill

wrote

a

Grapevine

article

titled

The

Next

Frontier

Emotional

Sobriety

commenting

that

he

had

a

bad

episode

of

depression

after

The

article

also

mentions

what

he

did

in

response

to

it

SOURCE

REFERENCES

AABB

Alcoholics

Anonymous

the

Big

Book

AAWS

AACOA

AA

Comes

of

Age

AAWS

BWRT

Bill

W

by

Robert

Thompson

soft

cover

BWFH

Bill

W

by

Francis

Hartigan

hard

cover

Bill

W

My

First

Years

autobiography

hard

cover

GB

Getting

Better

Inside

Alcoholics

Anonymous

by

Robertson

soft

cover

GTBT

Grateful

to

Have

Been

There

by

Nell

Wing

soft

cover

LOH

The

Language

of

the

Heart

AA

Grapevine

Inc

LR

Lois

Remembers

by

Lois

Wilson

NG

Not

God

by

Ernest

Kurtz

expanded

edition

soft

cover

NW

New

Wine

by

Mel

B

soft

cover

PIO

Pass

It

On

AAWS

These

are

two

of

the

most

personal

accounts

of

Bill

W

life

that

we

have

available

to

us

Pretty

sure

Language

of

the

Heart

is

AA

approved

literature

You

would

be

surprised

what

is

and

isnt

considered

approved

For

instance

The

Little

black

meditation

book

TwentyFour

Hours

a

Day

for

men

thats

so

popular

is

not

AA

approved

literature

but

that

doesnt

mean

it

isnt

good

and

helpful

Borrowed

from

LSD

could

help

alcoholics

stop

drinking

AA

founder

believed

Author

reveals

Bill

Wilsons

acid

theory

but

his

experiments

upset

other

Alcoholics

Anonymous

members

LSDacidtabs

Bill

Wilson

believed

LSD

had

helped

him

overcome

depression

and

that

it

could

also

give

alcoholics

insight

to

aid

their

recovery

Most

members

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

disagreed

Photograph

Alamy

Amelia

Hill

byameliahill

Thursday

August

EDT

Last

modified

on

Wednesday

May

EDT

Share

on

Facebook

Share

on

Twitter

Share

via

Email

Share

on

LinkedIn

Share

on

Google

Shares

Comments

The

cofounder

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

AA

believed

LSD

could

be

used

to

cure

alcoholics

and

credited

the

drug

with

helping

his

own

recovery

from

often

debilitating

depression

according

to

new

research

About

years

after

setting

up

the

Ohiobased

sobriety

movement

in

Bill

Wilson

came

to

believe

that

LSD

could

help

cynical

alcoholics

achieve

a

spiritual

awakening

and

start

on

the

path

to

recovery

The

discovery

that

Wilson

considered

using

the

drug

as

an

aid

to

recovery

for

addicts

was

made

by

Don

Lattin

author

of

a

book

to

be

published

in

October

by

the

University

of

California

Press

entitled

Distilled

Spirits

Lattin

found

letters

and

documents

revealing

that

Wilson

at

first

struggled

with

the

idea

that

one

drug

could

be

used

to

overcome

addiction

to

another

LSD

which

was

first

synthesized

in

is

a

nonaddictive

drug

that

alters

thought

processes

and

can

inspire

spiritual

experiences

Wilson

thought

initially

the

substance

could

help

others

understand

the

alcoholinduced

hallucinations

experienced

by

addicts

and

that

it

might

terrify

drinkers

into

changing

their

ways

But

after

his

first

acid

trip

at

the

Veterans

Administration

VA

hospital

in

Los

Angeles

on

August

Wilson

began

to

believe

it

was

insight

not

terror

that

could

help

alcoholics

recover

LSD

by

mimicking

insanity

could

help

alcoholics

achieve

a

central

tenet

of

the

Twelve

Step

program

proposed

by

AA

he

believed

It

was

a

matter

of

finding

a

power

greater

than

ourselves

that

could

restore

us

to

sanity

He

warned

I

dont

believe

LSD

has

any

miraculous

property

of

transforming

spiritually

and

emotionally

sick

people

into

healthy

ones

overnight

It

can

set

up

a

shining

goal

on

the

positive

side

after

all

it

is

only

a

temporary

egoreducer

But

Wilson

added

The

vision

and

insights

given

by

LSD

could

create

a

large

incentive

at

least

in

a

considerable

number

of

people

Advertising

His

words

were

found

in

a

late

letter

to

Father

Ed

Dowling

a

Catholic

priest

and

member

of

an

experimental

group

he

had

formed

in

New

York

to

explore

the

spiritual

potential

of

LSD

Wilson

is

known

to

have

taken

LSD

in

supervised

experiments

in

the

with

Betty

Eisner

an

American

psychologist

known

for

pioneering

use

of

LSD

and

other

psychedelic

drugs

as

adjuncts

to

psychotherapy

and

Sidney

Cohen

a

psychiatrist

in

Los

Angeles

Wilson

also

discussed

in

great

detail

taking

LSD

with

the

author

Aldous

Huxley

and

it

is

likely

though

not

proven

that

the

pair

experimented

with

the

drug

together

I

am

certain

that

the

LSD

experiment

has

helped

me

very

much

Wilson

wrote

in

a

letter

to

the

science

writer

and

philosopher

Gerald

Heard

I

find

myself

with

a

heightened

color

perception

and

an

appreciation

of

beauty

almost

destroyed

by

my

years

of

depressions

In

a

talk

given

in

Humphry

Osmond

the

British

psychiatrist

who

coined

the

word

psychedelic

said

he

told

Wilson

in

that

LSD

was

good

news

Osmond

said

But

Wilson

was

far

from

pleased

with

the

idea

of

alcoholics

being

assailed

by

some

strange

chemical

Later

on

Bill

got

extremely

interested

and

he

likened

his

LSD

experience

to

his

earlier

vision

of

seeing

this

chain

of

drunks

around

the

world

all

helping

each

other

This

caused

various

scandals

in

AA

They

were

very

ambivalent

about

their

great

founder

taking

LSD

yet

they

wouldnt

have

existed

if

he

hadnt

been

of

an

adventurous

kind

of

mind

Lattin

also

found

letters

in

which

Eisner

described

Wilsons

thoughts

when

attending

the

VA

hospital

in

to

take

LSD

in

a

controlled

experiment

with

herself

Cohen

and

Wilsons

wife

Lois

Alcoholics

Anonymous

was

actually

considering

using

LSD

Eisner

wrote

Alcoholics

get

to

a

point

in

the

programme

where

they

need

a

spiritual

experience

but

not

all

of

them

are

able

to

have

one

In

a

letter

to

Heard

in

September

shortly

after

his

first

LSD

experience

Wilson

admitted

he

was

appreciating

the

drugs

value

I

do

feel

a

residue

of

assurance

and

a

feeling

of

enhanced

beauty

that

seems

likely

to

stay

by

me

A

few

months

on

Wilson

was

yet

more

positive

about

the

longterm

benefits

More

and

more

it

appears

to

me

that

the

experience

has

done

a

sustained

good

he

wrote

to

Heard

on

December

My

reactions

to

things

totally

and

in

particular

have

very

definitely

improved

for

no

other

reason

that

I

can

see

Lattin

said

Wilson

was

so

intrigued

by

the

spiritual

potential

of

LSD

he

formed

the

experimental

group

that

included

Dowling

and

Eugene

Exman

Harpers

religious

book

editor

Wilson

however

remained

sensitive

to

the

controversy

of

his

experiments

In

a

letter

to

Cohen

written

between

and

he

reported

hearing

gossip

about

his

LSD

use

in

AA

circles

He

reminded

Cohen

about

the

desirability

of

omitting

his

name

when

discussing

LSD

with

AAs

Cohen

reassured

Wilson

that

his

LSD

trials

did

not

include

other

active

AA

members

In

Wilson

defended

his

drug

use

in

a

long

letter

but

soon

afterwards

removed

himself

from

the

AA

governing

body

to

be

free

to

do

his

experiments

According

to

the

anonymous

author

of

his

official

biography

Wilson

felt

LSD

helped

him

eliminate

many

barriers

erected

by

the

self

or

ego

which

stand

in

the

way

of

ones

direct

experiences

of

the

cosmos

and

of

god

He

thought

he

might

have

found

something

that

could

make

a

big

difference

to

the

lives

of

many

who

still

suffered

But

according

to

Pass

It

On

published

in

by

AA

World

Services

in

New

York

the

movement

was

totally

against

his

suggestions

As

word

of

Bills

activities

reached

the

fellowship

there

were

inevitable

repercussions

Most

AAs

were

violently

opposed

to

his

experimenting

with

a

mindaltering

substance

LSD

was

then

totally

unfamiliar

poorly

researched

and

entirely

experimental

and

Bill

was

taking

it

April

THANK

GOD

FOR

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

THANK

GOD

FOR

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

I

truly

believe

that

if

it

were

not

for

AA

I

would

not

be

sober

or

sane

today

This

is

my

anniversary

month

and

I

want

to

express

how

grateful

I

truly

am

for

the

program

Please

Gainesville

AA

gratitude

is

a

state

of

mind

and

a

feeling

not

an

action

I

will

not

go

gratituding

if

gratitude

were

an

action

word

the

ing

would

be

correct

Today

but

I

will

express

my

gratitude

by

doing

some

step

service

work

Ok

yes

one

of

my

pet

peeves

about

Gainesville

AA

is

their

PIRATE

DICTIONARY

by

which

they

feel

they

However

I

am

making

a

point

here

In

spite

of

all

the

little

errors

and

cultish

beliefs

of

AA

members

the

program

works

In

spite

of

the

fact

that

my

own

sponsor

has

stalked

her

boyfriend

to

the

gates

of

insanity

In

spite

of

the

fact

that

most

AAers

are

working

hard

on

smoking

themselves

to

death

with

cigarettes

still

I

salute

you

And

in

spite

of

the

fact

that

the

majority

of

members

reek

of

codependency

the

program

still

works

The

steps

are

still

ordained

of

God

and

set

down

as

a

solutions

for

the

sick

In

spite

of

the

fact

that

Bill

W

spent

countless

years

suffering

from

depression

and

engaging

in

infidelity

THE

PROGRAM

WORKS

AND

IT

HAS

SAVED

MY

AND

COUNTLESS

LIVEST

he

question

that

I

personally

had

to

ask

myself

as

I

stumbled

into

the

rooms

was

What

do

I

need

and

can

I

get

it

here

That

answer

was

yes

these

people

obviously

knew

and

know

how

to

stay

sober

and

I

desperately

needed

that

So

I

hung

in

there

with

that

character

defect

ridden

sponsor

as

she

took

the

time

to

spoon

feed

me

the

solutions

I

so

desperately

needed

And

I

watched

as

she

kept

herself

sober

by

doing

so

and

picked

up

her

own

year

medallion

years

ago

I

hung

in

with

years

of

meetings

and

worked

the

steps

over

and

over

year

in

and

year

out

until

I

knew

and

worked

recovery

as

a

way

of

life

I

taught

others

I

made

suggestions

and

I

shared

in

countless

meetings

jails

and

rehabs

I

had

a

knack

for

speaking

and

I

could

go

through

the

steps

like

a

pro

I

didnt

come

to

AA

looking

for

perfection

I

came

looking

for

a

solution

for

myself

destructive

life

patterns

So

now

as

I

approach

my

tenth

year

sober

without

a

hit

of

crack

cocaine

or

a

shot

of

heroin

I

still

balk

at

the

cultish

dogma

and

I

sometimes

sneer

at

the

nonempathic

beatdowns

going

on

between

members

I

look

on

as

my

brothers

and

sisters

that

I

love

stay

sober

and

do

a

little

bitching

themselves

about

certain

aspects

of

the

program

One

of

the

most

brilliant

counselors

and

longtime

members

in

the

program

that

has

helped

thousands

upon

thousands

by

his

knowledge

and

ability

to

share

wrote

a

book

called

The

Lies

Told

in

AA

Does

that

mean

that

he

will

walk

away

from

the

program

because

it

is

now

full

of

perfect

people

HELL

NO

We

must

get

out

help

where

we

can

where

we

fit

in

People

do

get

sober

in

church

I

did

that

myself

one

time

for

several

years

BUT

the

thing

is

I

never

really

fit

in

there

like

I

do

in

AA

Church

people

are

very

much

like

program

people

as

a

matter

of

fact

church

people

have

that

same

empty

black

hole

in

their

soul

that

they

must

fill

with

God

to

be

ok

We

AAers

have

that

in

common

with

the

church

people

Best

if

youre

trying

to

stay

sober

to

go

to

both

places

AND

THERAPY

Go

in

spite

of

the

imperfections

that

are

part

of

the

human

condition

Go

and

get

your

psychic

change

my

friend

because

you

have

earned

your

seat

and

its

empty

and

waiting

for

you

So

thank

you

AA

therapy

church

and

my

own

Higher

Power

for

saving

my

life

so

I

can

engage

in

my

own

character

defects

growing

old

and

the

joys

of

life

that

sobriety

has

most

definitely

brought

me

THANK

YOU

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

AND

GOD

April

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

THANK

GOD

FOR

THE

PROGRAM

OF

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

I

truly

believe

that

if

it

were

not

for

AA

I

would

not

be

sober

or

sane

today

This

is

my

anniversary

month

and

I

want

to

express

how

grateful

I

truly

am

for

the

program

Please

Gainesville

AA

gratitude

is

a

state

of

mind

and

a

feeling

not

an

action

I

will

not

go

gratituding

if

gratitude

were

an

action

word

the

ing

would

be

correct

Today

but

I

will

express

my

gratitude

by

doing

some

step

service

work

Ok

yes

one

of

my

pet

peeves

about

Gainesville

AA

is

their

PIRATE

DICTIONARY

by

which

they

feel

they

However

I

am

making

a

point

here

In

spite

of

all

the

little

errors

and

cultish

beliefs

of

AA

members

the

program

works

In

spite

of

the

fact

that

my

own

sponsor

has

stalked

her

boyfriend

to

the

gates

of

insanity

In

spite

of

the

fact

that

most

AAers

are

working

hard

on

smoking

themselves

to

death

with

cigarettes

still

I

salute

you

And

in

spite

of

the

fact

that

the

majority

of

members

reek

of

codependency

the

program

still

works

The

steps

are

still

ordained

of

God

and

set

down

as

a

solutions

for

the

sick

In

spite

of

the

fact

that

Bill

W

spent

countless

years

suffering

from

depression

and

engaging

in

infidelity

THE

PROGRAM

WORKS

AND

IT

HAS

SAVED

MY

AND

COUNTLESS

LIVES

The

question

that

I

personally

had

to

ask

myself

as

I

stumbled

into

the

rooms

was

What

do

I

need

and

can

I

get

it

here

That

answer

was

yes

these

people

obviously

knew

and

know

how

to

stay

sober

and

I

desperately

needed

that

So

I

hung

in

there

with

that

character

defect

ridden

sponsor

as

she

took

the

time

to

spoon

feed

me

the

solutions

I

so

desperately

needed

And

I

watched

as

she

kept

herself

sober

by

doing

so

and

picked

up

her

own

year

medallion

years

ago

I

hung

in

with

years

of

meetings

and

worked

the

steps

over

and

over

year

in

and

year

out

until

I

knew

and

worked

recovery

as

a

way

of

life

I

taught

others

I

made

suggestions

and

I

shared

in

countless

meetings

jails

and

rehabs

I

had

a

knack

for

speaking

and

I

could

go

through

the

steps

like

a

pro

I

didnt

come

to

AA

looking

for

perfection

I

came

looking

for

a

solution

for

myself

destructive

life

patterns

So

now

as

I

approach

my

tenth

year

sober

without

a

hit

of

crack

cocaine

or

a

shot

of

heroin

I

still

balk

at

the

cultish

dogma

and

I

sometimes

sneer

at

the

nonempathic

beatdowns

going

on

between

members

I

look

on

as

my

brothers

and

sisters

that

I

love

stay

sober

and

do

a

little

bitching

themselves

about

certain

aspects

of

the

program

One

of

the

most

brilliant

counselors

and

longtime

members

in

the

program

that

has

helped

thousands

upon

thousands

by

his

knowledge

and

ability

to

share

wrote

a

book

called

The

Lies

Told

in

AA

Does

that

mean

that

he

will

walk

away

from

the

program

because

it

is

now

full

of

perfect

people

HELL

NO

We

must

get

out

help

where

we

can

where

we

fit

in

People

do

get

sober

in

church

I

did

that

myself

one

time

for

several

years

BUT

the

thing

is

I

never

really

fit

in

there

like

I

do

in

AA

Church

people

are

very

much

like

program

people

as

a

matter

of

fact

church

people

have

that

same

empty

black

hole

in

their

soul

that

they

must

fill

with

God

to

be

ok

We

AAers

have

that

in

common

with

the

church

people

Best

if

youre

trying

to

stay

sober

to

go

to

both

places

AND

THERAPY

Go

in

spite

of

the

imperfections

that

are

part

of

the

human

condition

Go

and

get

your

psychic

change

my

friend

because

you

have

earned

your

seat

and

its

empty

and

waiting

for

you

So

thank

you

AA

therapy

church

and

my

own

Higher

Power

for

saving

my

life

so

I

can

engage

in

my

own

character

defects

growing

old

and

the

joys

of

life

that

sobriety

has

most

definitely

brought

me

THANK

YOU

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

AND

GOD

March

The

God

Hole

I

will

no

longer

tolerate

separation

from

my

God

There

is

a

place

in

my

spirit

where

I

do

feel

my

perpetual

shame

deriving

from

guilt

nevertheless

I

present

my

heart

before

my

God

A

strong

place

within

me

cries

out

I

will

not

tolerate

separation

from

my

creator

by

hiding

and

protecting

parts

of

my

soul

and

being

that

I

am

ashamed

of

in

hopes

that

I

can

then

win

Gods

acceptance

Embracing

the

attitude

of

desperation

toward

God

in

spite

of

my

apprehension

awards

me

complete

acceptance

of

me

and

of

how

God

created

me

March

Another

Apology

Yikes

STEP

FIVE

AA

Everyone

it

was

a

close

call

Recovery

Farmhouse

nearly

bit

the

dust

Here

emails

are

not

going

out

as

of

yet

Her

voice

has

stopped

where

emails

are

concerned

while

she

steadily

collects

more

and

more

addresses

THANKYOU

FOR

YOUR

INTEREST

I

AM

ANNOUNCING

THE

EMAIL

SITUATION

WILL

SOON

BE

REMEDIED

AND

ALL

THE

POSTS

WILL

BE

GOING

OUT

IN

EMAIL

AGAIN

In

the

meantime

heres

my

latest

post

My

Confession

I

want

to

tell

you

all

how

I

feel

today

I

created

Recovery

Farmhouse

the

website

that

I

do

all

my

writing

on

about

a

year

ago

I

just

began

building

websites

back

then

and

I

had

no

idea

what

I

was

doing

The

only

thing

I

really

had

going

for

me

was

my

typing

skills

my

smarts

and

the

fact

that

I

had

nearly

years

sober

at

the

time

I

must

say

that

writingfor

me

has

been

one

key

to

my

own

sanity

I

went

through

rigorous

group

therapy

where

I

learned

how

to

be

myself

I

learned

to

say

what

I

mean

and

mean

what

I

say

Thats

where

healthy

relationships

beginwith

truth

I

worked

the

steps

over

and

over

I

did

a

boatload

of

eleventh

step

meditation

and

prayer

I

did

more

th

step

service

work

than

most

people

do

Jails

and

institutions

where

my

service

area

I

learned

to

speak

from

my

heart

in

front

of

large

groups

of

people

who

needed

to

hear

exactly

How

it

works

straight

from

the

horses

mouth

PLEASE

I

am

not

bragging

on

the

contrary

what

I

am

doing

is

qualifying

myself

to

have

and

run

a

recovery

website

I

invited

guest

writers

I

borrowed

articles

from

other

recovery

websites

I

downloaded

hordes

of

art

work

and

I

learned

what

maintaining

a

WordPress

hosted

website

is

really

about

I

dabbled

in

coding

I

rubbed

elbows

with

the

developers

that

I

highly

respect

I

learned

the

politics

behind

free

internetWOW

My

partner

of

nearly

years

thinks

I

have

a

computer

addiction

going

on

and

he

is

partially

correct

Although

I

do

all

my

work

on

the

computer

Where

in

the

hack

am

I

going

with

all

this

information

Well

I

had

to

move

one

of

my

websites

because

they

outgrew

their

hosting

provisions

actually

it

was

a

bug

that

was

eating

memory

I

fixed

it

In

the

process

of

that

move

I

almost

lost

Recovery

Farmhouse

and

all

the

hard

work

and

writing

that

I

have

done

Turns

out

she

is

in

better

shape

than

ever

I

cleaned

her

up

expelled

the

spam

and

fixed

the

memory

suckers

I

want

to

confess

I

have

had

dreams

of

wealth

and

longings

for

a

bankroll

that

just

hasnt

arrived

as

of

yet

anyhooBut

being

able

to

share

my

knowledge

and

feelings

with

all

and

any

who

is

interest

has

been

a

blessing

that

far

surpasses

monetary

gain

I

have

been

angry

at

God

for

not

providing

what

I

think

I

deserve

while

I

have

overlooked

the

true

blessings

that

mattered

much

more

spiritually

So

I

repent

of

my

ingratitude

and

selfishness

March

WHAT

WOULD

SATAN

DO

Satan

or

self

What

would

Satan

dojust

a

little

joke

jokeremember

rule

Dont

take

yourself

so

damn

seriously

But

pretty

sure

Satan

would

play

the

blame

game

and

not

take

responsibility

for

his

own

actions

In

AA

we

learn

to

own

all

our

actions

Own

it

Hmmm

Alright

since

we

are

talking

about

the

voices

in

our

heads

I

choose

not

to

glorify

Satan

or

give

him

credit

or

blame

for

my

own

consciousness

However

I

acknowledge

the

existence

of

evil

and

dark

forces

whatever

name

they

may

be

given

Anyhow

I

personally

have

a

committee

sitting

on

bleachers

in

my

head

They

observe

and

sometimes

criticize

my

actions

I

will

label

them

society

They

are

my

perceptions

of

what

others

think

of

me

and

they

could

be

accurate

or

way

off

base

with

their

ideas

They

believe

that

The

world

revolves

around

my

belly

button

persay

Here

are

the

rest

of

the

people

in

my

head

I

have

a

guy

slothfear

who

lies

in

bed

all

the

time

and

wants

me

to

stay

paralyzed

in

bed

He

wants

to

hide

from

the

light

of

life

Get

busy

dying

instead

of

living

Its

best

I

resist

him

he

wants

to

isolate

me

Then

I

have

a

redheaded

woman

who

is

simply

fear

and

attack

she

is

very

critical

of

me

and

others

Really

she

just

needs

to

know

everything

is

going

to

be

OK

and

she

does

not

have

to

be

afraid

and

react

in

critical

and

insecure

fear

She

is

a

part

of

me

I

need

to

accept

her

to

help

her

heal

These

characters

are

in

essence

are

my

core

character

defectsflaws

They

were

revealed

to

me

in

a

vivid

dream

at

about

a

year

sober

I

wrote

the

dream

down

it

was

a

revelation

of

who

I

am

and

who

I

do

not

want

to

be

They

are

NOT

some

enemy

rather

a

part

of

me

in

need

of

healing

They

should

be

understood

resisted

ignored

and

I

should

be

aware

they

are

usually

mistaken

They

will

push

Love

out

of

my

life

in

error

by

theirmy

misguided

selfdestructive

solutions

of

resentment

blame

and

twisted

perception

If

I

label

the

committee

some

evil

outer

entity

then

the

steps

fear

list

and

sexual

inventory

are

useless

in

overcoming

them

Only

thing

I

can

do

with

Satan

is

the

third

step

by

which

I

put

him

and

his

demons

into

the

God

box

or

into

Gods

hands

The

only

thing

I

can

do

with

Satan

is

resist

the

temptation

he

it

they

and

I

put

in

front

of

me

The

steps

really

do

work

when

I

work

them

As

for

Satan

why

concern

myself

with

him

when

I

can

neither

change

him

nor

kill

him

I

can

only

work

on

my

own

stuff

Satan

will

answer

to

God

who

gave

him

the

power

to

tempt

me

in

the

first

place

After

all

doesnt

the

Bible

say

all

things

are

of

God

nd

Corinthians

March

LOST

DREAMS

LOST

DREAMS

Dreams

just

like

goals

are

very

important

to

have

and

to

keep

To

work

toward

a

goal

is

fulfilling

To

have

hope

and

dreams

is

spiritual

because

hope

itself

is

one

of

the

spiritual

gifts

from

the

creator

of

spirituality

itself

hope

faith

Love

greatest

gifts

Having

goals

and

fulfilling

them

is

vital

to

our

selfworth

Our

very

life

depends

on

having

goals

to

attain

and

accomplishing

tasks

and

feats

When

mankind

retires

from

his

work

often

times

him

her

just

dies

partly

because

of

feeling

worthless

If

a

man

feels

they

have

no

purpose

or

worth

they

may

So

what

happens

when

a

dream

fails

crashes

is

lost

and

unattainable

for

reasons

beyond

our

control

Well

partly

we

should

have

a

mourning

period

Yes

Bygod

our

dreams

and

our

feeling

are

of

great

value

and

valid

Dont

allow

others

to

tell

you

to

get

over

it

before

your

heart

has

grieved

the

loss

of

an

important

purposeful

dream

We

lean

heavily

on

our

goals

and

hopes

for

the

future

So

when

that

hope

is

impossible

and

just

wont

work

we

should

grieve

for

a

time

The

amount

of

time

to

grieve

any

loss

varies

however

we

dont

move

So

to

process

the

loss

we

cry

we

beat

the

pillow

we

talk

about

what

happened

and

how

it

made

us

feel

we

write

about

our

feelings

connected

to

the

loss

and

we

pray

to

our

Higher

Power

to

help

us

accept

the

loss

and

move

on

If

someone

invalidates

our

feelings

we

simply

ignore

their

ignorance

We

can

journal

about

it

later

Repressed

emotions

are

the

number

one

cause

of

depression

anxiety

and

feelings

of

worthlessness

We

need

one

person

in

our

lives

we

tell

anything

to

whom

will

not

invalidate

us

or

try

to

fix

us

someone

who

And

then

after

we

have

processed

and

mourned

we

put

on

our

shoes

we

get

up

and

we

walk

we

stretch

we

breathe

and

we

develop

a

new

dream

to

take

the

place

of

the

old

one

We

dont

beat

ourselves

up

for

the

loss

We

dont

call

it

or

us

a

failure

We

dont

ever

call

ourselves

ugly

names

or

say

we

were

stupid

for

having

our

lost

dream

to

begin

with

Alternatively

we

take

inventory

of

all

that

we

learned

along

the

way

of

our

lost

dream

If

we

do

the

inventory

we

find

that

we

gained

valuable

lessons

because

of

our

previous

dream

We

realize

that

our

next

dream

and

goal

will

be

all

the

better

because

of

our

prior

goal

What

we

learned

along

the

way

is

priceless

We

remember

that

its

how

Our

new

dream

and

goal

gives

us

greater

purpose

We

have

focus

again

We

have

gratitude

in

our

hearts

now

because

of

the

opportunities

that

our

Higher

Power

has

provided

us

In

the

real

world

our

dreams

come

crashing

down

in

the

real

world

we

learn

to

mourn

and

then

we

get

up

and

we

build

new

dreams

My

Love

this

is

the

essence

of

Hope

one

of

the

three

greatest

spiritual

giftsnow

you

see

why

March

A

Parent

Growing

Up

With

An

Addict

Hi

this

is

Lori

E

administrator

webtech

writer

and

designer

of

Recovery

Farmhouse

I

am

also

known

as

Laura

of

Akron

in

some

parts

of

this

website

psychic

readings

and

other

various

social

sites

and

I

am

a

recovered

alcoholic

I

can

say

recovered

because

I

havent

picked

up

a

drink

a

hit

of

crack

or

a

shot

of

heroin

in

nearly

years

I

want

to

introduce

Bill

C

my

father

Here

is

an

article

I

thank

him

for

writing

Please

feel

free

to

comment

I

was

asked

by

the

creator

of

this

website

to

write

something

that

the

readers

might

find

interesting

My

first

reaction

was

yes

but

I

needed

to

think

about

what

to

write

Years

ago

my

reaction

would

have

been

different

What

the

flip

do

I

know

about

AA

What

do

I

know

about

a

Big

Blue

Book

And

about

that

dance

the

step

I

had

heard

about

the

step

and

the

step

but

I

sure

didnt

know

about

the

step

dance

Well

my

daughter

corrected

me

on

that

She

said

it

has

nothing

to

do

with

dancing

Dad

it

is

a

step

program

that

helps

people

stop

drinking

Before

my

daughter

was

introduced

to

AA

she

tried

a

lot

of

drinks

and

pills

to

make

her

happy

All

it

was

doing

was

causing

her

parents

pain

We

spent

sleepless

nights

wondering

where

she

was

I

am

sure

some

of

you

reading

this

can

relate

to

what

parents

went

through

worrying

about

you

She

got

into

some

trouble

while

driving

lost

her

license

and

had

to

go

through

what

they

call

the

revolving

door

Paying

fines

and

reporting

to

a

probation

officer

After

the

mess

was

cleared

up

she

finally

decided

to

get

sober

I

dont

know

if

the

addict

knows

what

parents

go

through

while

all

this

is

going

on

Yes

we

go

through

hell

It

is

ironic

that

Laura

of

Akron

was

born

in

the

same

city

that

young

men

founded

AA

I

would

like

to

end

this

writing

with

a

poem

by

an

amateur

poet

The

addict

and

the

parent

The

addict

says

Ill

take

this

pill

And

then

an

alcoholic

drink

Then

the

parent

holds

her

up

While

she

throws

up

in

the

sink

The

addict

says

Ill

take

more

pills

They

will

make

me

feel

swell

The

parent

says

here

we

go

again

Shes

putting

us

through

hell

The

addict

says

I

need

a

drink

To

get

me

through

the

day

The

parent

says

she

traded

her

VCR

We

got

her

for

her

birthday

But

all

of

that

is

in

the

past

No

more

beer

or

wine

Yes

we

have

our

daughter

back

And

she

is

doing

just

fine

If

this

writing

has

helped

one

person

In

some

special

way

Then

it

makes

it

all

worthwhile

You

have

made

my

day

By

Bill

C

Laura

of

Akron

is

my

daughter

IF

YOU

WOULD

LIKE

TO

COMMENT

ON

THIS

ARTICLE

SCROLL

OVER

GUEST

WRITERS

IN

THE

WEBSITES

TOP

MENU

AND

CLICK

ON

THIS

ARTICLE

A

PARENT

GROWING

UP

WITH

AN

ADDICT

IT

WILL

HAVE

A

COMMENT

BLOCK

AT

THE

END

OF

THE

ARTICLE

WHEREAS

THE

VERSION

IN

EMAIL

LINK

DOES

NOT

March

NEAR

DEATH

NEAR

DEATH

If

I

knew

I

would

die

in

the

next

month

or

two

how

would

I

live

my

life

Would

I

finally

be

able

to

let

go

of

the

nagging

shame

that

has

followed

me

around

since

I

realized

I

am

bad

Would

the

thought

of

impending

death

cushion

the

guilt

of

a

life

lived

below

its

true

ability

Or

would

I

drop

even

deeper

into

the

abyss

of

shoulda

coulda

woulda

Would

I

feel

a

release

emotionally

reasoning

out

that

I

would

finally

get

the

punishment

that

my

soul

dictates

I

should

endure

I

ask

myself

is

it

really

better

to

be

selfaware

or

would

it

be

just

fine

to

stay

in

denial

of

such

things

as

shame

and

guilt

or

the

feeling

of

inferiority

Well

I

surely

question

weather

this

life

is

a

blessing

or

a

curse

but

I

have

found

it

is

both

So

many

ideals

I

wish

to

put

in

the

boxes

of

either

good

or

bad

yet

I

say

yet

most

things

are

either

both

or

neither

Some

things

just

are

Like

death

for

instance

Is

death

bad

We

certainly

see

it

as

such

But

it

just

is

and

if

it

had

to

be

placed

in

one

of

these

boxes

it

would

be

in

the

good

box

because

death

enables

our

soul

to

move

on

to

the

next

more

aware

existence

If

we

hinder

death

we

hinder

our

own

progress

If

we

hinder

death

we

hinder

life

itself

If

I

was

aware

of

my

impending

death

I

think

I

would

get

off

my

butt

get

out

of

this

box

I

call

the

internet

which

I

love

by

the

way

and

may

be

teetering

on

computer

addiction

and

be

near

both

nature

and

my

loved

ones

February

Gainesville

Step

AA

Programs

Thank

you

Elmer

for

your

insight

on

emotional

tools

which

you

shared

at

the

Triangle

Club

to

help

the

guys

your

worked

with

get

well

In

Gainesville

ics

Anonymous

Program

some

of

us

have

a

certain

tradition

I

am

not

talking

about

the

traditions

right

now

I

am

talking

about

an

exercise

that

we

do

in

accordance

with

the

fifth

step

This

tradition

keeps

us

SANE

AND

SOBER

This

tradition

keeps

shame

at

bay

which

is

the

number

one

reason

people

leave

the

programshame

Yes

resentment

is

the

number

one

offender

but

it

is

not

the

reason

people

that

have

the

program

working

for

them

yet

choose

to

leave

Ok

yes

they

leave

because

they

drank

or

wanted

to

drink

and

then

the

The

Gainesville

tradition

that

I

am

referring

to

is

that

we

share

in

our

meeting

WHAT

HAPPENED

AND

HOW

IT

MADE

US

FEEL

We

have

learned

that

keeping

secrets

about

our

INTENSE

feelings

will

kill

us

We

have

learned

that

all

the

repressed

emotions

in

the

world

will

not

change

who

we

are

We

have

learned

how

to

come

to

terms

with

who

we

are

and

to

accept

that

But

not

only

acceptWE

SHARE

NOT

ONLY

WHAT

HAPPENED

BUT

HOW

IT

MADE

US

FEEL

This

is

the

magic

children

This

is

the

one

thing

that

step

programs

around

the

world

are

missing

THERE

IS

NO

WRONG

FEELING

ONLY

WRONG

ACTIONS

If

we

label

our

feelings

wrong

we

are

labelling

ourselves

wrong

Every

feeling

that

we

have

is

for

a

valid

reason

and

is

valid

Granted

we

dont

share

all

of

our

feelings

nor

do

we

allow

our

feelings

to

rule

over

us

However

we

do

respect

and

honor

our

feelings

they

are

valid

No

we

dont

run

around

having

to

express

every

small

felling

we

have

There

is

a

time

to

say

feelings

Similar

article

Men

in

Recovery

February

SELFLOATHING

to

SELFLOVE

INTRODUCING

MY

COMMITTEE

And

finding

my

true

self

WE

DONT

HAVE

TO

HATE

OURSELVES

ANYMORE

FLASHBACK

FEELINGS

I

woke

up

this

morning

with

the

feeling

of

impending

doom

The

feeling

that

I

am

bad

that

I

have

done

something

wrong

that

I

am

not

good

enough

or

am

good

enough

and

just

dont

do

what

I

should

The

Old

Me

I

had

a

dream

the

first

year

I

got

sober

I

have

been

sober

nearly

years

today

this

dream

in

early

recovery

revealed

to

me

the

personalities

in

my

head

that

drove

me

to

addiction

In

AA

we

like

to

call

them

the

committee

These

personalities

for

me

are

three

people

One

is

a

brassy

red

headed

bitch

for

lack

of

a

more

precise

term

She

loves

to

tell

me

how

worthless

I

am

She

loves

to

put

me

down

by

never

ever

looking

at

my

accomplishments

or

my

good

deeds

This

brassy

haired

bitch

cuts

me

down

at

any

opportunity

If

she

gets

her

wayI

will

hate

myself

utterly

She

will

never

ever

be

satisfied

with

my

actions

and

who

I

am

She

is

the

personification

of

Hate

and

if

I

listen

to

her

and

forget

who

she

is

I

will

believe

her

and

fall

into

her

awful

deception

My

selfworth

will

become

skewed

I

must

be

aware

of

her

at

all

times

and

My

second

and

third

personalities

who

wants

to

destroy

me

iare

sloth

and

his

brother

false

pride

The

first

man

lies

in

bed

at

all

times

He

will

not

and

can

not

get

out

of

bed

Beside

his

bed

are

bleachers

filled

with

an

audience

this

audience

watches

him

at

all

times

and

he

is

aware

of

them

What

this

man

wants

me

to

do

is

stay

in

bed

and

do

nothing

like

him

No

work

no

fun

no

social

life

no

exercise

no

showers

no

shopping

no

eating

especially

no

cooking

to

eat

right

Subconsciously

fear

tells

me

that

if

I

stay

paralyzed

then

the

redheaded

bitch

cant

tell

me

my

actions

are

worthlessat

least

thats

what

the

man

in

the

bed

thinks

If

I

do

nothing

I

wont

get

an

F

on

my

report

card

of

life

If

I

stay

hidden

from

the

world

I

wont

be

a

failure

But

that

wont

stop

the

bitch

really

it

only

makes

her

stronger

If

I

let

fear

paralyze

me

it

will

cause

more

fear

My

mind

will

become

more

and

more

negative

The

steps

the

program

of

AA

or

meditation

therapy

nature

pets

The

male

personification

also

wants

me

to

think

that

the

world

revolves

around

me

and

that

everyone

is

watching

what

I

do

He

wants

me

to

think

that

people

are

judging

me

harshly

and

that

I

need

to

perform

and

wear

a

mask

for

the

audience

in

the

bleachers

He

tells

me

that

I

need

to

put

on

a

production

a

facade

rather

than

actually

live

my

life

for

me

and

be

honest

to

people

He

wants

me

to

repress

all

my

feelings

and

fears

and

pretend

I

am

some

perfect

human

with

a

perfect

life

The

FINE

syndrome

Fucked

My

fourth

personality

is

a

little

girl

She

is

a

victim

who

is

afraid

She

doesnt

think

that

she

has

any

value

People

have

abused

her

and

been

very

mean

to

her

People

that

she

trusted

have

betrayed

her

The

little

girl

has

been

wronged

and

told

that

she

is

worthless

many

times

over

She

is

a

direct

reflection

of

my

injured

heart

My

older

sister

was

very

mean

and

critical

of

me

from

the

very

moment

she

became

threatened

and

jealous

of

me

at

a

very

young

age

My

parents

never

knew

they

should

validated

my

feelings

and

encourage

meI

became

afraid

to

confide

anything

to

anyone

at

a

very

early

age

They

made

sure

to

let

me

know

that

if

I

felt

it

then

it

was

wrong

I

was

molested

and

abused

and

never

ever

told

anyone

they

did

not

have

a

role

of

protector

for

me

whatsoever

I

thought

I

was

bad

and

it

was

my

fault

This

little

girl

THE

FEAR

LIST

In

Step

Four

Emotional

Healing

Sobriety

Tools

How

to

stay

sober

Getting

to

know

our

addict

is

very

helpful

How

To

be

aware

of

the

core

reasons

that

we

have

tried

so

hard

to

numb

even

destroy

ourselves

is

part

of

the

healing

process

We

should

learn

to

love

all

aspects

of

ourselves

and

to

be

understanding

as

to

why

we

did

or

do

what

we

do

We

were

children

when

our

psyches

were

formed

Many

of

us

addicts

just

didnt

have

a

chance

emotionally

But

we

can

change

our

selfimage

can

change

Think

of

recovery

as

not

destroying

those

personalities

of

our

addict

but

rather

we

silence

them

They

are

Next

I

give

you

an

assignment

if

you

will

I

have

discovered

who

I

really

am

And

if

you

are

clean

and

sober

you

can

discover

who

you

really

are

as

well

Not

the

addict

who

would

love

to

surface

not

the

injured

child

but

rather

the

pure

soul

level

person

who

was

created

by

God

absent

of

all

the

wounds

flaws

and

character

defects

After

we

clear

away

the

wreckage

of

our

past

by

working

the

steps

and

getting

therapy

who

do

we

find

walking

in

our

shoes

For

a

time

its

helpful

to

take

on

the

AA

The

New

Me

MY

THREE

NATURES

The

Shaman

the

Priestess

I

am

connected

to

my

Higher

Powers

and

I

hear

my

Spirit

Guides

clearly

I

do

what

is

best

for

me

and

others

I

know

my

shortcomings

and

keep

them

in

check

I

am

aware

of

my

core

issues

and

work

through

them

when

they

come

up

I

walk

in

the

Light

Strength

and

Power

of

God

I

have

visions

of

past

present

and

future

I

can

look

deep

into

your

eyes

and

see

your

heart

and

soul

I

am

spiritually

gifted

and

use

my

gifts

to

heal

I

am

a

sensitive

child

of

God

who

can

be

hurt

emotionally

because

today

I

can

feel

and

thats

good

I

am

a

human

being

and

God

created

me

with

feelings

I

dont

have

to

claim

I

dont

care

what

anybody

thinks

because

that

would

be

a

lie

Wanting

people

to

love

me

care

about

me

and

think

highly

of

me

are

all

God

given

traits

they

in

no

way

make

me

weak

I

am

a

strong

and

courageous

child

he

above

all

just

wanted

to

be

Loved

and

be

fulfilled

by

her

Higher

Power

I

have

to

cry

sometimes

My

third

Nature

is

a

strong

and

powerful

woman

who

in

real

life

has

overcome

many

obstacles

and

predators

The

powerful

woman

is

athletic

and

a

fighter

if

need

be

She

is

a

survivor

SheI

am

a

writer

and

seamstress

a

mother

a

protector

I

have

the

power

to

give

and

to

receive

I

know

how

to

make

money

and

get

what

I

need

to

keep

a

roof

over

me

and

my

Childs

head

I

love

travel

and

am

comfortable

doing

anything

alone

that

I

do

with

a

partner

I

dont

need

anyone

in

particular

I

do

not

rely

on

February

Guest

Post

Shame

The

Prison

and

The

Key

By

Adam

J

Pearson

Recovery

Farmhouse

Thanks

you

Adam

Pearson

for

your

courageous

bravery

which

you

have

exhibited

by

addressing

a

topic

most

people

run

from

The

topic

of

shame

is

one

that

should

be

addressed

by

each

of

our

hearts

Until

we

examine

our

shame

we

can

not

claim

to

know

ourselves

If

we

say

we

have

no

shame

we

have

not

examined

ourselves

any

further

than

ego

and

false

pride

will

allow

We

will

not

be

ashamed

of

being

ashamedThe

Farmhouse

The

Wisdom

of

Eamonn

Perkins

Eamonn

Perkins

is

a

wise

humble

and

tremendously

compassionate

teacher

from

Ireland

who

spends

much

of

his

time

working

with

addicts

and

prisoners

Hes

so

lowkey

that

as

of

this

writing

he

doesnt

even

have

a

website

In

a

interview

Eamann

said

something

brilliantly

concise

and

and

equally

incisive

If

you

truly

knew

me

you

wouldnt

like

me

thats

the

mantra

of

human

existence

I

love

this

line

Its

so

simple

and

so

profound

Its

one

of

those

ideas

that

is

so

powerful

that

it

momentarily

stuns

us

into

silence

Words

like

these

hit

home

somewhere

deep

within

us

and

resonate

with

something

in

the

darkness

that

wants

to

be

seen

a

hidden

truth

that

yearns

to

come

to

light

I

couldnt

agree

more

with

the

truth

of

the

statement

especially

in

our

current

global

situation

in

which

we

have

so

much

information

and

yet

paradoxically

feel

so

lost

are

so

socially

connected

and

yet

so

lonely

and

are

so

encouraged

to

puff

up

our

egos

and

yet

so

inwardly

drowning

in

a

sea

of

shame

And

if

shame

the

intensely

painful

feeling

that

we

are

in

some

way

flawed

or

not

good

enough

and

are

therefore

unworthy

of

love

belonging

and

connection

is

the

cause

of

our

drowning

then

its

no

surprise

that

were

all

desperately

searching

for

a

lifeline

out

of

it

If

you

truly

knew

me

you

wouldnt

like

me

is

the

secret

belief

the

shameful

idea

the

mantra

of

human

existence

When

we

believe

this

story

we

meet

each

other

from

a

place

of

fear

and

put

up

fronts

and

facades

We

operate

from

a

feeling

of

inadequacy

and

hide

out

of

reflex

We

refuse

to

let

ourselves

really

show

up

and

be

seen

out

of

the

fear

of

being

judged

or

rejected

And

very

slowly

and

very

quietly

this

message

which

is

the

voice

of

shame

within

us

begins

to

stifle

life

Without

understanding

we

watch

it

happen

wishing

we

had

the

words

to

describe

what

is

going

on

and

the

tools

to

handle

it

As

if

paralyzed

we

watch

shame

crush

our

free

expression

The

fear

at

its

core

blocks

our

creativity

and

replaces

honesty

with

selfdefensive

lies

It

makes

us

scramble

for

escapes

and

distractions

to

avoid

the

excruciating

pain

that

is

fundamental

to

shame

And

while

saying

that

we

would

never

want

to

be

anything

but

authentic

we

find

ourselves

so

afraid

to

be

real

and

not

belong

that

we

choose

to

be

inauthentic

in

order

to

fit

in

Shame

is

Widespread

Lady

Godiva

statue

by

John

Thomas

Maidstone

Museum

Kent

England

Lady

Godiva

statue

by

John

Thomas

Maidstone

Museum

Kent

England

This

pattern

is

so

common

and

yet

so

unspoken

The

less

you

talk

about

shame

the

more

you

have

it

says

the

brilliant

and

inspiring

shame

researcher

Brene

Brown

in

her

renowned

TED

talk

The

Power

of

Vulnerability

The

only

people

who

dont

have

it

she

continues

also

have

no

capacity

for

human

empathy

or

connection

Shame

is

incredibly

universal

Ive

seen

it

in

the

students

Ive

taught

Ive

seen

it

in

the

men

and

women

Ive

known

Ive

seen

it

in

my

friends

Ive

seen

it

expressed

in

the

media

on

TV

And

Ive

seen

it

in

myself

For

years

of

my

life

shame

stifled

and

held

me

down

like

a

heavy

and

unspoken

weight

I

feel

for

and

with

all

of

those

who

struggle

with

shame

because

I

get

them

Shame

varies

in

the

details

from

person

to

person

but

its

core

is

always

the

same

This

is

one

reason

why

Im

open

about

shame

because

Ive

struggled

with

it

because

so

many

people

do

and

because

shame

grows

in

silence

and

can

not

survive

being

spoken

Brown

When

I

do

openly

talk

to

people

about

shame

I

tend

to

hear

the

same

thing

over

and

over

again

I

thought

it

was

just

me

Oh

yeah

I

know

that

feeling

Shame

is

tremendously

effective

at

making

us

feel

like

were

the

only

ones

who

feel

it

when

the

truth

is

that

it

comes

up

in

nearly

all

of

us

Shame

Itself

is

Fear

Our

Prison

and

the

Key

to

Freedom

Facing

shame

can

sometimes

feel

terrifying

because

shame

itself

is

fear

the

fear

of

not

being

enough

and

being

unworthy

unlovable

and

rejected

as

a

result

The

basic

truth

as

I

see

it

though

is

this

if

we

want

to

flourish

if

we

want

to

be

boldly

authentic

if

we

want

to

truly

love

and

be

loved

if

we

want

to

transcend

fear

if

we

want

to

cultivate

kindness

and

forgiveness

if

we

want

to

find

peace

then

we

need

to

face

shame

rather

than

deny

repress

and

project

it

We

need

to

meet

it

in

an

intelligent

and

selfcompassionate

way

that

works

And

thats

why

I

spend

so

much

time

and

so

many

words

writing

about

shame

Because

its

the

substance

out

of

which

we

forged

the

bars

of

our

internal

prison

And

its

also

the

key

to

our

liberation

The

Flower

hugs

the

Stem

We

embrace

our

ugly

parts

Resources

on

Shame

and

Cultivating

ShameResilience

If

anything

I

said

above

resonates

rings

true

or

sounds

familiar

to

what

you

or

people

you

know

have

felt

here

are

some

resources

that

Ive

found

helpful

that

will

give

you

some

powerful

insights

into

shame

and

shameresilience

Above

all

Id

recommend

reading

the

amazing

book

Daring

Greatly

How

the

Courage

to

Be

Vulnerable

Transforms

the

Way

we

Live

Love

Parent

and

Lead

by

the

shameresearcher

and

brilliantly

compassionate

and

inspiring

Brene

Brown

This

book

literally

changed

my

life

It

gave

me

words

for

feelings

I

had

felt

for

years

and

had

never

been

able

to

express

It

cast

light

on

powerful

shadows

And

it

empowered

me

with

useful

tools

Ive

read

it

times

Its

that

good

It

literally

changed

my

life

In

addition

heres

a

wonderful

Positive

Psychology

article

on

Brene

Browns

ShameResilience

Theory

if

youre

into

a

more

psychologyoriented

academic

approach

If

you

want

some

downtoEarth

distillations

of

the

core

principles

from

Brenes

book

as

Ive

applied

them

in

my

life

here

are

a

few

articles

that

Ive

written

on

the

subjects

of

shame

and

how

to

empower

ourselves

with

resilience

against

it

These

articles

are

grounded

not

in

hypothetical

theories

but

in

both

solid

research

and

in

my

own

experience

and

practice

My

general

rule

is

that

I

only

write

about

tools

Ive

actually

used

and

found

helpful

in

my

own

life

If

I

havent

used

it

and

found

it

to

work

I

dont

write

about

it

However

you

dont

have

to

take

my

word

for

it

Let

your

own

experience

be

the

laboratory

and

the

judge

Im

right

there

in

the

arena

with

you

facing

the

same

issues

Were

in

this

together

and

were

never

alone

even

though

shame

can

make

us

feel

that

way

There

are

useful

strategies

that

work

to

empower

us

to

work

with

these

things

and

the

purpose

of

my

writing

is

to

share

them

The

Odd

TreeIs

Not

Ashamed

of

being

different

Photo

by

Laura

Edgar

Heres

a

brief

guide

and

orienting

overview

to

my

writings

on

the

subject

Silencing

the

Praise

Why

Seeking

Approval

Fails

to

Fill

Our

Inner

Void

introduces

shame

and

identifies

it

as

the

name

of

the

void

we

feel

within

us

the

void

that

says

we

are

not

good

enough

and

are

thus

unworthy

of

love

and

belonging

It

then

explains

why

approvalseeking

fails

to

fill

the

void

of

shame

because

shame

invalidates

approval

even

when

we

do

receive

it

We

are

not

hopeless

however

at

the

end

of

the

article

I

introduce

a

few

healthy

alternatives

and

powerful

strategies

to

meet

shame

with

resilience

and

compassion

The

Heart

of

the

Void

Finding

the

Assumptions

at

the

Heart

of

Shame

breaks

shame

down

into

two

key

components

a

feeling

part

and

a

thinking

part

The

feeling

part

involves

the

painful

emotions

at

the

heart

of

shame

eg

fear

anxiety

inadequacy

and

the

thinking

part

involves

the

core

assumptions

about

ourselves

that

are

at

the

root

of

the

feelings

This

article

specifically

explains

how

to

discover

these

assumptions

and

then

how

to

realitycheck

and

transform

them

once

we

find

them

This

practice

is

a

powerful

tool

for

our

shameresilience

arsenal

Finding

the

Calm

Within

the

Storm

ShameResilience

in

Practice

breaks

down

Brene

Browns

powerful

shameresilience

method

into

clear

steps

and

gives

a

realworld

example

of

how

I

applied

it

to

one

shame

story

in

my

own

life

Ive

seen

tons

of

articles

about

the

method

online

but

very

few

concrete

examples

of

how

we

apply

it

in

our

own

inner

experience

This

article

was

written

in

an

attempt

to

fill

that

void

and

also

to

practice

the

courage

to

be

vulnerable

that

Brene

Brown

champions

Forgive

and

Be

Free

The

Liberating

Power

of

Forgiveness

offers

a

useful

practice

for

compassionately

addressing

the

feeling

part

of

shame

through

forgiveness

Forgiveness

was

a

subject

that

I

took

for

granted

for

a

long

time

because

I

didnt

realize

how

powerfully

liberating

and

empowering

it

truly

is

However

it

was

a

key

part

of

the

shame

puzzle

for

me

Release

the

Past

to

Free

the

Present

Another

Meaning

of

Forgiveness

expands

on

the

previous

article

to

explain

how

forgiveness

helps

us

lovingly

liberate

our

present

from

the

stranglehold

of

the

past

Since

shame

is

powerfully

rooted

in

our

past

thoughts

perceptions

and

experiences

forgiveness

thus

is

a

powerfully

compassionate

practice

for

skillfully

handling

shame

This

article

explains

how

this

works

Shame

sometimes

expresses

itself

as

catastrophizing

or

obsessive

worstcase

scenario

thinking

Catastrophizing

How

to

Handle

WorstCase

Scenario

Thinking

explores

the

fascinating

dynamics

of

catastrophizing

It

also

offers

a

powerful

way

to

handle

catastrophic

thinking

so

that

it

ceases

to

drive

us

towards

unintentional

selfsabotage

and

drag

us

out

of

the

joy

of

being

present

About

these

ads

The

Heart

of

the

Void

Finding

the

Assumptions

At

the

Core

of

Shame

In

agony

Finding

the

Calm

Within

the

Storm

ShameResilience

in

Practice

With

comments

Silencing

the

Praise

Why

Seeking

Approval

Fails

to

Fill

Our

Inner

Void

In

affect

This

entry

was

posted

in

Uncategorized

and

tagged

affective

awakening

brene

brene

brown

brown

cognitive

depression

empower

empowerment

fear

forgiveness

freedom

happiness

hope

liberation

life

light

love

power

resilience

sadness

shame

shameresilience

Bookmark

the

thoughts

on

The

Prison

and

the

Key

Why

I

Write

About

Shame

Pingback

Silencing

the

Praise

Why

Seeking

Approval

Fails

to

Fill

Our

Inner

Void

Words

from

the

Wind

Pingback

Finding

the

Calm

Within

the

Storm

ShameResilience

in

Practice

Words

from

the

Wind

Pingback

The

Heart

of

the

Void

Finding

the

Assumptions

At

the

Core

of

Shame

Words

from

the

Wind

Lisa

Kahale

February

at

am

Dissolving

shame

is

like

dissolving

a

poison

that

is

killing

one

drop

at

a

time

In

its

place

space

air

and

welcoming

of

life

Thats

what

happened

for

me

finally

Keep

writing

about

this

Adam

its

needed

philosophadam

February

at

am

Well

said

Lisa

I

totally

relate

Thank

you

for

sharing

Pingback

Shadow

Integration

The

Complete

Shadow

Work

Process

in

Four

Steps

Words

from

the

Wind

February

QUALITY

SOBRIETY

QUALITY

SOBRIETY

HAS

MANY

FACES

AND

THE

FACE

OF

PAINFUL

EXPRESSION

EXHIBITS

TRUTH

I

AM

NOT

AFRAID

TO

LET

YOU

SEE

MY

TEARS

THEY

ARE

A

MANIFESTATION

OF

THE

NINTH

STEP

PROMISE

THAT

FEAR

OF

PEOPLE

WILL

LEAVE

US

The

face

of

recovery

that

shows

no

pain

or

tears

is

a

misrepresentation

of

ones

true

self

and

a

deep

deception

to

us

all

The

face

of

recovery

that

shows

no

pain

or

tears

is

a

misrepresentation

of

ones

true

self

and

a

deep

deception

to

us

all

February

AM

I

A

RECOVERED

ALCOHOLIC

Recovery

gospel

according

to

Lori

E

AM

I

RECOVERED

AND

SANE

OR

AM

I

AN

ALCOHOLIC

DESTINED

TO

ALWAYS

BE

INSANE

THE

STEP

PROGRAMS

WORKTO

A

CERTAIN

EXTENT

Ok

I

just

reread

the

following

and

I

think

its

a

little

harsh

So

DisclaimerI

have

been

jealous

and

will

be

again

at

some

point

I

am

human

Getting

jealous

does

derive

from

fear

however

ALL

HUMANS

GET

FEAR

OCCASIONALLY

OR

OFTEN

Big

GET

OVER

IT

To

the

alcoholics

and

addicts

who

are

stuck

in

the

mindset

that

their

way

of

recovery

is

the

ONLY

way

to

recover

People

get

sober

with

and

without

AA

Believe

it

the

addict

mind

in

many

instances

becomes

jealous

over

their

way

of

recovery

Even

to

the

point

of

hoping

that

the

person

who

got

sober

on

their

own

or

in

church

will

quickly

relapse

to

prove

his

point

Addicts

become

jealous

over

their

Higher

Power

and

their

step

program

Lets

face

it

codependency

which

thrives

on

jealousy

runs

rampant

through

the

rooms

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

Understandable

if

you

take

into

consideration

that

jealousy

stems

from

fear

of

loss

and

that

Alcoholics

tend

to

be

emotionally

immature

sometimes

But

open

your

minds

my

fellows

There

are

many

ways

to

recover

that

works

and

many

times

those

same

ways

dont

work

It

just

depends

on

several

different

factors

Here

are

the

three

main

ways

that

people

are

known

to

drastically

change

for

the

better

Therapy

has

helped

millions

change

therapy

only

works

if

you

have

the

right

empathic

therapist

and

if

you

have

the

courage

to

face

yourself

To

allow

yourself

to

be

vulnerable

by

facing

your

insecurities

and

your

deepest

feelings

Therapy

only

works

if

you

are

willing

to

relive

your

most

traumatic

childhood

and

adult

events

face

them

and

express

your

feelings

in

regard

to

them

on

an

honest

emotional

level

The

core

level

The

Steps

only

work

if

we

are

willing

to

get

honest

about

feelings

and

past

events

They

only

work

if

we

are

willing

to

humble

ourselves

and

become

vulnerable

teachable

They

only

work

if

we

truly

seek

out

a

Higher

Power

and

involve

HimHerit

in

the

process

of

working

steps

through

Religion

Finding

God

only

works

if

we

seek

with

our

heart

and

our

mind

My

experience

dictates

that

repentance

is

one

of

the

main

keys

to

becoming

spiritually

empowered

At

the

same

time

without

the

balance

of

empathic

understanding

from

relating

with

those

like

us

and

a

degree

of

realization

that

we

were

victims

as

well

as

wrong

shame

will

tend

to

rein

in

our

psyches

This

lingering

shame

will

inevitably

throw

us

back

into

emotional

and

psychological

denial

of

our

weaknesses

faults

Religion

has

helped

millions

change

dont

underestimate

its

power

just

because

it

didnt

help

YOU

change

Oftentimes

the

religious

people

dont

have

a

way

to

expel

certain

shame

and

guilt

or

to

get

in

touch

with

the

child

in

them

who

was

abandoned

abused

neglected

and

rejected

The

common

barrier

to

healing

from

past

wounds

is

by

reasoning

out

that

you

cant

change

the

past

why

go

there

YOU

CAN

CHANGE

THE

PAST

By

changing

our

perception

of

the

past

we

change

the

past

How

do

we

change

a

perception

Go

back

relive

journal

share

be

vulnerable

With

therapy

and

the

steps

these

three

longterm

actions

together

are

an

absolute

recipe

for

not

only

sobriety

But

this

is

not

the

whole

topic

today

Today

the

topic

is

am

I

recovered

or

not

This

is

the

thingthe

big

book

reads

that

bill

w

And

the

group

recovered

from

a

hopeless

state

of

mind

Being

recovered

is

mentioned

throughout

the

big

book

If

a

person

has

five

years

sober

and

realizes

that

they

no

longer

have

the

alcoholic

mindand

they

have

recovered

There

is

one

sure

way

to

know

for

themselves

if

they

really

have

recovered

The

still

insane

sick

alcoholic

will

reason

outI

have

recovered

so

I

am

no

longer

an

alcoholic

Now

I

can

drink

responsibly

Now

this

time

it

will

be

different

And

for

a

time

they

may

actually

be

able

to

drink

responsibly

However

with

the

progression

and

insanity

that

alcohol

produces

and

their

past

behaviors

this

luxury

wont

last

long

On

the

flip

side

for

the

recovered

alcoholic

who

truly

is

recovered

whose

sanity

has

returned

and

have

had

a

psychic

change

their

thought

process

works

differently

These

types

realize

they

no

longer

have

the

alcoholic

mind

and

reason

out

that

Perhaps

all

three

solutions

are

only

needed

for

those

that

have

been

abused

and

neglected

However

i

question

any

alcoholics

selfawareness

if

they

state

they

have

no

core

issues

Why

would

anyone

try

to

destroy

himself

by

drinking

alcoholically

and

try

to

numb

out

feelings

and

awareness

by

poisoning

oneself

yet

claim

not

to

have

any

childhood

issues

or

core

level

shame

January

FAMOUS

BABY

PICTURES

THIS

BABY

PICTURE

IS

ABSOLUTELY

BREATH

TAKINGWE

THANK

THE

PHOTOGRAPHER

AND

WE

THANK

THE

UNNAMED

SOLDIER

FOR

SERVING

OUR

GREAT

NATION

January

THE

SOLUTIONS

FOR

DEPRESSION

AND

ANXIETY

WHAT

CAN

I

DO

TO

OVERCOME

DEPRESSION

AND

ANXIETY

Click

here

to

read

SOLUTIONS

HURT

PEOPLE

HURT

PEOPLEYES

BUT

Hurt

people

usually

hurt

themselves

first

and

foremost

by

their

limited

ability

to

accept

new

people

new

places

and

new

things

What

do

we

do

if

we

are

so

hurt

from

our

addict

driven

past

and

horrific

childhood

that

we

are

unable

to

Love

and

accept

others

And

why

is

it

that

a

lack

of

acceptance

and

the

alcoholic

go

hand

in

hand

Our

parents

didnt

teach

us

healthy

emotional

coping

skills

or

we

would

not

reach

for

such

destructive

emotional

survival

skills

like

the

drink

and

drug

The

thing

is

as

long

as

our

using

drug

abuse

and

blamebased

coping

skills

worked

to

keep

us

reasonably

numb

feeling

shamefree

we

had

no

reason

to

stop

using

themright

Why

is

it

that

the

serenity

prayer

is

an

addicts

most

valuable

coping

skill

known

far

and

wide

The

Big

Book

reads

that

a

lack

of

power

was

our

dilemma

Meaning

when

we

feel

we

are

not

in

control

within

and

without

we

buck

we

freak

We

lack

acceptance

when

we

are

sick

and

suffering

on

such

a

grand

scale

that

we

block

new

different

people

and

ideas

out

of

our

lives

We

cant

cope

with

any

kind

of

changeits

too

scarey

But

again

Why

Oh

Im

not

supposed

to

know

the

answers

to

any

whys

thats

first

days

Blame

criticism

and

looking

for

the

wrong

and

the

bad

in

other

people

and

their

ideas

is

the

most

widespread

destructive

emotional

coping

skill

on

the

face

of

the

Earth

used

by

addicts

and

normies

alike

AS

LONG

AS

I

CAN

PUT

A

BAD

LABEL

ON

SOMEONE

TODAY

MAYBE

I

WONT

HAVE

TO

SEE

THE

PAIN

LIVING

INSIDE

ME

IF

I

CAN

JUST

BE

RIGHT

AND

FEEL

THAT

I

AM

BETTER

THAN

OTHERS

THEN

I

WONT

HAVE

TO

SEE

THE

SICKNESS

THAT

LIVES

IN

MY

SOUL

I

need

to

ask

myself

some

questionshow

long

have

I

been

sober

and

why

am

I

still

having

anxiety

attacks

and

suffering

from

intense

rage

and

depression

Why

am

I

having

repeated

migraines

Why

have

I

pushed

all

the

people

I

love

out

of

my

life

Why

am

I

still

isolating

and

beating

myself

up

Have

I

left

something

out

of

my

program

Could

my

prejudices

toward

religion

and

therapy

be

hindering

my

healing

What

can

I

do

to

really

overcome

depression

and

anxiety

The

serenity

prayer

and

twelve

step

work

are

two

grand

survival

skills

for

us

When

we

share

our

story

of

what

it

was

like

what

happened

and

what

it

is

like

now

if

sincere

heartfelt

processes

out

a

little

bit

of

our

pain

and

sickness

bit

by

bit

Telling

our

story

builds

selfworth

and

confidence

However

it

also

feeds

our

ego

and

can

be

a

deflection

from

our

own

emotional

wounds

Step

and

chairing

meetings

are

mere

bandaids

covering

a

wound

that

needs

far

more

healing

and

medicine

We

need

a

deep

and

searching

moral

inventory

we

need

to

SO

WHAT

THEN

WHAT

ARE

THE

SOLUTIONS

TO

DEPRESSION

AND

ANXIETY

AND

HOW

DO

I

APPLY

THEM

IN

MY

LIFE

Know

this

solutions

will

go

against

the

grain

of

the

disease

and

make

us

feel

very

uncomfortable

PLEASE

KNOW

THERE

IS

NO

WRONG

FEELING

ONLY

WRONG

ACTIONS

EVERY

FEELING

IS

BECAUSE

OF

A

REASON

AN

EXPERIENCE

A

REACTION

TO

AN

EVENT

THEREFORE

WE

SHOULD

NEVER

SAYI

SHOULD

NOT

FEEL

THAT

WAY

YOUR

HEART

IS

THE

PLACE

THAT

FEELINGS

COME

FROM

AND

YOUR

HEART

DOES

NOT

LIE

WE

WILL

NO

LONGER

BE

ASHAMED

OF

WHO

AND

WHY

WE

ARE

OR

HOW

SOLUTION

Well

firstly

I

need

to

work

the

steps

more

thoroughly

starting

with

my

spirituality

and

lack

thereof

I

need

to

seek

God

with

every

fiber

of

my

heart

and

being

Ask

my

Higher

Power

to

guide

my

stepwork

and

my

actions

God

answers

the

heart

every

testimony

of

spiritual

experience

I

have

ever

heard

or

had

began

with

an

intense

seeking

of

God

with

ones

heart

mind

and

very

depth

of

soul

Please

shallow

prayers

reap

shallow

rewards

Then

I

keep

seeking

I

go

to

churches

tent

revivals

Unity

Godself

type

temples

Mausks

Catholic

church

Any

place

that

people

congregate

SOLUTION

Therapy

I

need

to

open

up

my

deepest

and

most

vulnerable

self

to

me

and

a

therapist

I

need

to

share

my

fears

that

I

am

ashamed

of

I

need

to

share

my

feelings

that

I

think

are

wrong

stupid

weak

and

I

am

ashamed

of

I

need

to

share

my

shame

and

guilt

Not

just

in

my

journal

but

also

out

loud

to

a

human

or

in

group

I

need

to

let

down

my

emotional

protection

in

a

safe

place

and

tell

people

who

I

really

am

The

child

within

needs

to

be

heard

If

I

was

abused

I

SOLUTION

STEP

I

need

to

allow

the

steps

to

work

in

my

life

I

need

to

open

up

and

say

whats

really

going

on

with

me

in

meeting

If

I

am

depressed

I

need

to

share

it

If

I

am

happy

I

need

to

share

it

if

I

am

angry

I

need

to

share

it

I

should

confess

all

my

resentments

not

leaving

out

organizations

and

groups

of

people

People

with

certain

appearances

And

the

big

one

I

need

to

write

down

and

confess

anything

I

am

ashamed

of

and

am

keeping

secret

I

should

work

these

steps

in

SOLUTION

I

keep

doing

what

works

I

dont

stop

I

dont

slow

down

I

am

relentless

Four

meetings

a

week

Church

of

some

sort

meetings

are

not

church

one

day

a

week

SOLUTION

I

learn

and

practice

real

meditation

I

lay

down

I

get

quiet

and

I

do

a

mantra

by

trying

repeatedly

over

and

over

to

concentrate

on

only

one

thought

When

my

mind

drifts

I

reel

it

back

in

and

concentrate

on

only

the

mantra

I

picture

each

sentence

in

my

mind

If

my

mantra

is

the

Lords

Prayer

I

picture

each

line

I

see

my

father

in

heaven

I

think

about

hisher

sacred

name

I

picture

his

kingdomcoming

etc

etc

I

practice

meditation

daily

for

at

least

a

half

hour

a

day

I

begin

my

meditation

with

a

prayer

I

SOLUTION

GUTERAL

SOUNDS

Release

guttural

sounds

from

your

body

on

a

regular

basis

in

private

in

your

car

alone

at

home

Guttural

sounds

come

straight

from

core

and

underlying

issues

of

the

emotions

and

the

soul

Moaning

Screaming

shrieking

and

sound

that

needs

to

come

out

Try

it

it

will

feel

weird

and

insane

but

it

works

to

get

out

the

very

energy

that

is

causing

the

depression

and

anxiety

Do

it

for

years

as

long

as

needed

It

releases

the

poison

from

our

bowels

that

we

have

stored

there

by

pushing

down

our

anger

and

hurt

until

it

makes

us

sick

SOLUTIONS

Diet

exercise

and

nature

These

are

self

explanatory

stick

to

natural

foods

as

much

as

possible

and

to

to

the

beach

or

just

take

walks

in

the

woods

but

get

outside

and

exercise

Get

fresh

air

daily

drink

lots

of

water

Eat

lots

of

fruits

and

veggies

Sometings

exercise

alone

relieve

a

huge

part

of

our

anxiety

And

remember

OUT

OF

THE

PROBLEM

INTO

THE

SOLUTION

Dont

stay

I

the

problem

spinning

around

REMEMBER

NOTHING

CHANGES

IF

NOTHING

CHANGES

January

IS

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

GOOD

OR

BAD

Firstly

I

want

to

state

that

without

Alcoholics

Anonymous

and

my

Higher

Power

I

would

probably

be

dead

or

worse

However

I

believe

it

is

very

important

to

find

our

identity

outside

of

AA

once

we

are

sober

for

several

years

We

become

strong

due

to

working

the

steps

and

being

active

in

the

workings

of

step

service

work

Step

makes

us

confident

and

helps

us

develop

coping

skills

and

reach

a

level

of

emotional

sobriety

maturity

When

I

stepped

away

from

AA

myself

due

to

a

case

of

AA

burnout

I

wondered

who

the

heck

I

was

It

scared

me

I

thought

do

I

have

an

identity

without

of

AA

The

steps

and

Big

book

I

believe

are

good

and

ordained

of

God

The

steps

and

the

perfect

directions

for

staying

sober

and

to

experience

a

psychic

change

and

a

spiritual

awakening

HOWEVER

as

we

have

learned

from

the

history

of

the

Bible

good

things

are

easily

twisted

and

misconstrued

by

sick

men

My

conclusion

is

that

AA

is

a

good

program

but

sick

men

IS

THE

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

PROGRAM

GOOD

OR

BAD

We

can

not

really

label

Alcoholics

Anonymous

good

or

bad

as

a

whole

because

there

are

so

many

members

sponsors

sponsees

and

various

representatives

who

all

have

their

own

methods

and

ideals

of

what

AA

is

and

how

it

actually

works

You

may

ask

two

former

members

of

AA

about

the

program

and

get

two

totally

different

views

There

are

many

articles

online

that

call

AA

a

cult

and

a

worthless

and

depraved

organization

Exmembers

state

that

they

were

taken

advantage

of

abused

and

lied

to

While

other

members

will

attest

that

without

AA

they

would

be

dead

or

worse

These

members

swear

that

the

program

transformed

them

from

a

destructive

and

violent

addict

into

a

productive

spiritual

member

of

society

And

neither

of

the

two

testimonies

would

be

untrue

But

what

are

the

facts

concerning

the

program

of

AA

The

twelve

steps

and

the

Big

Book

if

viewed

and

understood

rightly

will

induce

a

miracle

if

not

several

miracles

in

a

persons

life

IF

that

person

is

honest

and

willing

to

work

the

steps

get

a

good

sponsor

and

reach

out

to

God

with

their

heart

The

program

on

paper

is

the

perfect

way

to

not

only

get

clean

and

sober

but

also

to

become

a

moral

and

decent

human

being

So

its

really

a

matter

of

choice

whether

the

program

actually

works

for

a

person

or

doesnt

work

So

why

so

many

negative

testimonies

about

AA

Remember

human

beings

can

turn

any

good

into

a

bad

For

every

good

and

righteous

directive

in

the

Big

Book

there

is

twisted

and

misunderstood

counterfeit

version

Example

Step

Continued

to

taker

personal

inventory

and

when

we

were

wrong

promptly

admitted

it

Confession

is

good

for

the

soul

no

doubt

but

if

we

confess

too

often

and

to

the

wrong

person

our

humility

may

turn

into

not

only

gossip

but

also

a

demeaning

and

selfdegrading

process

that

beats

down

our

selfesteem

rather

than

building

it

up

Our

confidant

may

even

put

themselves

in

a

place

of

authority

and

power

over

us

using

our

confessed

wrongs

against

us

with

an

oppressive

thumb

We

must

have

a

trustworthy

person

to

confess

and

admit

our

wrongs

to

then

be

STEP

FOUR

Good

ideas

can

be

misconstrued

Hatedriven

interpretations

of

the

Bible

show

us

that

If

a

man

holds

bitterness

in

his

heart

that

bitterness

will

seek

a

way

to

express

itself

whether

passive

or

aggressive

or

both

hate

searches

for

an

outlet

while

the

psyche

knowing

right

from

wrong

seeks

subconsciously

for

a

justified

way

to

express

that

hate

AA

needs

two

types

of

personas

to

make

it

functionthe

newcomer

and

the

sponsor

or

the

teacher

and

the

student

Not

every

teacher

in

AA

has

the

humility

to

remain

a

student

as

well

after

years

of

sobriety

False

pride

wants

badly

to

knowitall

Bottom

line

just

because

a

newcomer

is

sick

and

suffering

and

has

no

idea

how

to

work

the

program

of

AA

that

is

no

reason

to

treat

a

man

disrespectfully

If

something

feels

very

wrong

then

it

probably

is

We

should

take

our

common

sense

with

us

into

our

step

program

and

read

the

Big

Book

thoroughly

for

ourselves

rather

than

having

someone

interpret

it

for

us

We

should

share

in

meetings

about

our

progress

so

we

can

get

useful

feedback

A

sponsor

should

never

try

to

make

our

decisions

and

choices

for

us

but

rather

sponsors

should

make

suggestions

and

guide

us

through

the

steps

and

various

options

The

program

works

but

we

must

work

it

ourselves

thoroughly

and

honestly

January

A

Vision

of

Jesus

The

vision

of

Jesus

I

had

a

vision

while

wide

awake

sitting

in

church

I

went

to

another

place

to

another

realm

I

appeared

as

a

child

about

six

years

old

I

was

wearing

a

white

dress

with

a

blue

sash

The

dress

looked

like

dresses

little

girls

wore

back

in

the

sixties

all

cotton

with

a

full

fluffy

skirt

Jesus

was

there

with

me

He

was

young

beautiful

and

had

long

brown

hair

His

Spirit

was

so

loving

and

comforting

he

cared

for

me

and

I

could

feel

it

in

a

strong

way

He

swung

me

around

in

circles

by

my

arms

We

laughed

and

played

Even

though

I

appeared

as

a

child

just

how

Jesus

sees

me

I

was

still

adult

as

I

am

now

We

had

fun

and

As

we

looked

at

each

other

that

moment

a

dark

entity

began

beating

a

path

towards

me

Jesus

held

up

His

hand

and

commanded

that

the

evil

being

depart

in

haste

He

showed

He

was

so

much

more

powerful

than

that

dark

mass

Jesus

promised

I

will

save

you

from

the

dark

side

I

was

relieved

but

still

had

another

confession

and

request

of

which

I

was

ashamed

He

still

held

me

close

in

His

arms

I

told

Jesus

it

is

I

that

I

fear

the

most

will

you

save

me

from

myself

I

asked

Him

this

even

though

I

Hebrews

Wherefore

he

is

able

also

to

save

them

to

the

uttermost

that

come

unto

God

by

him

seeing

he

ever

liveth

to

make

intercession

for

them

or

NIV

Therefore

he

is

able

to

save

completely

fn

those

who

come

to

God

through

him

because

he

always

lives

to

intercede

for

them

I

had

the

following

vision

for

the

purpose

of

enlightenment

The

vision

was

a

reminder

of

the

dark

addiction

from

which

I

was

delivered

The

creature

in

the

story

is

the

embodiment

of

the

allurement

of

prescription

medications

The

drugs

kept

me

spiritually

blind

and

emotionally

stunted

and

most

significantly

kept

me

from

doing

Gods

work

WILL

YOU

TRUST

ME

NOW

During

meditation

I

saw

a

face

The

image

was

scraggly

and

ugly

I

could

not

tell

if

it

was

a

woman

or

a

man

it

looked

like

a

supernatural

mixture

of

both

The

appearing

of

the

creature

exposed

its

evil

demeanor

of

ill

intent

Its

face

looked

familiar

somehow

yet

I

could

not

remember

from

where

The

genderless

being

spoke

to

me

will

you

trust

me

now

Why

would

I

trust

such

a

vile

monsterlike

phantom

Somehow

I

knew

the

creature

had

wronged

me

in

the

past

I

remembered

taking

her

in

repeatedly

only

to

be

cut

by

the

knife

Does

this

story

leave

me

without

a

choice

Must

I

fall

victim

to

allurements

fervent

need

to

destroy

my

soul

A

white

ray

begins

to

shine

through

the

gray

matter

of

my

selfdoubt

I

was

enlightened

by

what

the

light

shown

I

remember

the

reasons

I

ripped

this

horrid

evil

vessel

from

my

life

I

remembered

the

lies

the

creature

told

me

I

recalled

the

effects

of

consuming

her

tantalizing

poison

The

light

ray

that

saved

me

this

day

from

possible

enslavement

by

the

hateful

bloodsucker

was

the

light

of

Love

that

God

gives

by

grace

On

this

day

the

light

saved

my

soul

My

prayers

have

been

many

I

have

made

my

spiritual

deposits

into

the

bank

of

my

soul

and

I

have

seen

the

dividends

payoff

Ephesians

For

it

is

by

grace

you

have

been

saved

through

faithand

this

not

from

yourselves

it

is

the

gift

of

God

not

by

works

so

that

no

one

can

boast

This

was

not

one

of

my

beautiful

meditations

nevertheless

it

was

a

very

important

reminder

January

HOW

IT

WORKS

HOW

IT

WORKS

skip

to

How

It

Works

here

HOW

IT

WORKS

From

pg

Big

Book

of

Alcoholics

Anonymous

PAGE

OF

THE

BIG

BOOK

OF

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

READS

So

our

troubles

we

think

are

basically

of

our

own

making

They

arise

out

of

ourselves

and

the

alcoholic

is

an

extreme

example

of

selfwill

run

riot

though

he

usually

doesnt

think

so

Above

everything

we

alcoholics

must

be

rid

of

this

selfishness

Skipping

down

further

we

read

First

of

all

we

had

to

quit

playing

God

it

didnt

work

Next

we

decided

that

here

after

in

this

drama

of

life

God

was

going

to

be

our

director

He

is

the

Principal

we

are

His

agents

He

is

the

Father

and

we

are

His

children

Skipping

down

again

to

page

When

we

sincerely

took

such

a

position

all

sorts

of

remarkable

things

followed

Wow

thats

a

big

piece

of

humble

pie

to

swallow

and

its

valuable

and

true

information

except

for

one

thing

Addicts

are

usually

totally

without

emotional

balance

Especially

when

using

we

tend

to

blame

everyone

around

us

for

our

predicaments

and

the

way

we

feel

If

you

tell

us

our

problems

are

of

our

own

making

we

will

either

turn

on

the

guilt

shame

condemnation

and

punishment

toward

ourselves

or

we

reject

the

idea

entirely

There

are

two

types

of

addicts

those

who

have

been

beating

themselves

up

their

entire

lives

and

those

who

have

been

beating

everyone

around

them

up

their

entire

lives

Seriously

we

must

stop

the

punishment

i

n

spite

of

our

accepting

responsibility

for

where

we

are

at

in

life

and

how

we

feel

about

ourselves

others

and

our

Higher

Power

The

expert

psychiatrists

and

psychologists

who

study

alcoholism

and

addictions

agree

that

addiction

is

not

only

a

disease

but

is

also

a

shame

based

disease

Once

we

accept

responsibility

for

ourselves

we

must

move

straightaway

into

our

step

work

and

most

importantly

into

our

Fourth

and

Fifth

Steps

Taking

action

and

continuing

to

take

action

will

alleviate

the

shame

and

guilt

that

we

try

so

hard

to

pretend

doesnt

exist

We

prefer

to

stay

in

denial

about

our

shame

and

fear

because

we

perceive

it

as

weak

bad

and

wrong

But

mostly

we

see

our

guilt

as

weakness

And

more

importantly

our

perceptions

dictate

that

all

eyes

are

on

us

therefore

we

must

put

on

a

strong

and

confident

mask

for

our

peers

to

see

Remember

one

of

the

most

prominent

Ninth

Step

promises

is

fear

of

people

will

leave

us

However

we

fear

not

so

much

people

but

think

about

it

rather

we

fear

what

people

think

of

us

Certainly

Bill

W

and

the

rest

of

the

early

founders

should

have

reworded

that

promise

in

my

opinion

Our

fellows

will

make

fun

of

us

if

we

admit

that

we

feel

and

think

of

ourselves

as

lesser

than

our

peers

Right

Thats

one

reason

people

wont

do

a

thorough

fourth

step

falsepride

sneaks

in

and

tells

us

we

mustnt

reveal

our

true

selves

lest

others

despise

us

and

see

that

we

are

weak

wrong

and

bad

THE

SOLUTION

WE

TAKE

ACTION

AND

WORK

THE

STEPS

HONESTLY

AND

THOROUGHLY

IN

SPITE

OF

OUR

FEELINGS

AND

FEARS

WE

MUST

UNDERSTAND

THAT

WE

ARE

NOT

EVER

GOING

TO

GET

BETTER

IF

WE

LET

OUR

FEELINGS

RULE

US

WE

DO

THE

STEPS

ACCORDING

TO

FAITH

AND

HOPE

WE

ACT

OUT

OF

FAITH

AND

HOPE

SO

THESE

PRINCIPLES

GROW

STRONGER

WITHIN

US

AND

WE

DO

THE

NEXT

RIGHT

THING

see

in

pop

up

Open

a

popup

window

AGAIN

AND

AGAIN

AND

AGAIN

UNTIL

IT

BECOMES

A

WAY

OF

LIFE

AND

WE

REALIZE

WE

HAVE

BEEN

TRANSFORMED

OUT

OF

THE

PROBLEM

INTO

THE

SOLUTION

SELF

ABUSE

VERBALLY

OR

OTHERWISE

IS

NOT

CONSTRUCTIVE

NOR

IS

ADVERTISING

OUR

SHORTCOMINGS

A

FORM

OF

HUMILITY

Page

Big

Book

AA

How

It

Works

Rarely

have

we

seen

a

person

fail

who

has

thoroughly

followed

our

path

Those

who

do

not

recover

are

people

who

can

not

or

will

not

completely

give

themselves

to

this

simple

program

usually

men

and

women

who

are

constitutionally

incapable

of

being

honest

with

themselves

There

are

such

unfortunates

They

are

not

at

fault

they

seem

to

have

been

born

that

way

They

are

naturally

incapable

of

grasping

and

developing

a

manner

of

living

which

demands

rigorous

honesty

Their

chances

are

less

than

average

There

are

those

too

who

suffer

from

grave

emotional

and

mental

disorders

but

many

of

Our

stories

disclose

in

a

general

way

what

we

used

to

be

like

what

happened

and

what

we

are

like

now

If

you

have

decided

you

want

what

we

have

and

are

willing

to

go

to

any

length

to

get

itthen

you

are

ready

to

take

certain

steps

At

some

of

these

we

balked

We

thought

we

could

find

an

easier

softer

way

But

we

could

not

With

all

the

earnestness

at

our

command

we

beg

of

you

to

be

fearless

and

thorough

from

the

very

start

Some

of

us

have

tried

to

hold

on

to

our

old

ideas

and

the

result

was

until

we

let

go

absolutely

Remember

that

we

deal

with

alcoholcunning

baffling

powerful

Without

help

it

is

too

much

for

us

But

there

is

One

who

has

all

powerthat

One

is

God

May

you

find

Him

now

Half

measures

availed

us

nothing

We

stood

at

the

turning

point

We

asked

His

protection

and

care

with

complete

abandon

Here

are

the

steps

we

took

which

are

suggested

as

a

program

of

recovery

We

admitted

we

were

powerless

over

alcohol

that

our

lives

had

become

unmanageable

Came

to

believe

that

a

Power

greater

than

ourselves

could

restore

us

to

sanity

Made

a

decision

to

turn

our

will

and

our

lives

over

to

the

care

of

God

as

we

understood

Him

Made

a

searching

and

fearless

moral

inventory

of

ourselves

Admitted

to

God

to

ourselves

and

to

another

human

being

the

exact

nature

of

our

wrongs

Were

entirely

ready

to

have

God

remove

all

these

defects

of

character

Humbly

asked

Him

to

remove

our

shortcomings

Made

a

list

of

all

persons

we

had

harmed

and

became

willing

to

make

amends

to

them

all

Made

direct

amends

to

such

people

wherever

possible

except

when

to

do

so

would

injure

them

or

others

Continued

to

take

personal

inventory

and

when

we

were

wrong

promptly

admitted

it

Sought

through

prayer

and

meditation

to

improve

our

conscious

contact

with

God

as

we

understood

Him

praying

only

for

knowledge

of

His

will

for

us

and

the

power

to

carry

that

out

Having

had

a

spiritual

awakening

as

the

result

of

these

steps

we

tried

to

carry

this

message

to

alcoholics

and

to

practice

these

principles

in

all

our

affairs

Many

of

us

exclaimed

What

an

order

I

cant

go

through

with

it

Do

not

be

discouraged

No

one

among

us

has

been

able

to

maintain

anything

like

perfect

adherence

to

these

principles

We

are

not

saints

The

point

is

that

we

are

willing

to

grow

along

spiritual

lines

The

principles

we

have

set

down

are

guides

to

progress

We

claim

spiritual

progress

rather

than

spiritual

perfection

Our

description

of

the

alcoholic

the

chapter

to

the

agnostic

and

our

personal

adventures

before

and

after

make

clear

three

pertinent

ideas

a

That

we

were

alcoholic

and

could

not

manage

our

own

lives

b

That

probably

no

human

power

could

have

relieved

our

alcoholism

c

That

God

could

and

would

if

He

were

sought

December

GUEST

WRITERS

ROOM

PLEASE

SUBMIT

YOUR

ARTICLES

TO

OR

FILL

OUT

THE

APPLICATION

AT

THIS

LINK

IF

YOU

WOULD

LIKE

TO

BE

AN

AUTHOR

AT

RECOVERY

FARMHOUSE

PLEASE

PUT

IN

SUBJECT

RFH

WRITER

If

you

have

any

questions

message

me

at

or

use

the

email

address

above

Thanks

The

EditorAdmin

Laura

Edgar

December

REFLECTIONS

OF

CHRISTMAS

PAST

A

STORY

OF

SUPERNATURAL

DELIGHT

REFLECTIONS

OF

CHRISTMAS

PAST

By

Laura

Edgar

I

arrived

home

Christmas

Eve

and

looked

under

the

tree

To

my

astonishment

illuminated

beneath

the

branches

were

five

mysterious

gifts

labeled

To

you

from

God

I

was

excited

I

knew

no

human

could

have

put

them

there

for

no

one

had

been

allowed

entry

into

my

high

security

impenetrable

home

I

believed

for

certain

the

gifts

had

to

have

been

miraculously

placed

The

tiny

gifts

were

beautifully

wrapped

in

gold

and

silver

They

sparkled

with

a

kind

of

magic

that

screamed

of

snowy

moonlit

mountains

and

supernatural

life

I

slid

the

dead

bolt

and

opened

my

front

door

to

I

opened

the

second

gift

which

appeared

as

a

great

multifaceted

diamond

like

no

other

I

have

beheld

As

I

held

it

to

my

chest

and

felt

its

power

enter

my

heart

it

was

clear

to

me

that

this

gift

was

the

faith

that

could

move

mountains

My

breath

was

taken

away

from

me

in

astounding

awe

More

precious

than

any

earthly

gifts

I

knew

I

had

received

Gods

best

for

me

in

these

two

enchanting

presents

Three

more

I

thought

as

I

kneeled

to

pick

up

the

third

Before

I

ever

exposed

this

precious

ruby

to

light

I

felt

at

peace

I

set

my

eyes

upon

it

as

a

laserlike

beam

struck

me

in

my

eyes

and

blinded

me

for

a

time

yet

I

had

no

fear

for

abounding

peace

had

found

me

and

taken

me

in

as

a

mother

would

her

naked

child

needing

warmth

I

was

without

words

to

express

my

gratitude

toward

God

I

then

realized

I

had

been

talking

to

him

with

my

heart

and

He

heard

I

sat

and

drank

a

I

noticed

that

one

of

the

packages

appeared

larger

than

the

others

I

opened

it

next

Emerging

from

the

box

was

a

tiny

fairy

As

she

appeared

attired

in

a

flowing

shear

white

dress

her

hands

where

extended

to

me

in

greeting

I

am

Grace

she

said

It

is

lovely

to

meet

you

She

said

no

more

however

I

knew

what

had

happened

Suddenly

like

a

drowning

man

sees

his

life

flash

before

him

I

saw

all

the

times

that

she

had

interceded

in

my

lifes

near

tragedies

I

saw

how

Gods

grace

carried

me

through

the

past

and

would

December

RELATIONSHIPS

IN

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

IS

IT

LOVE

OR

IS

IT

FEAR

for

those

who

dont

know

what

RULE

is

it

means

dont

take

yourself

so

seriously

RELATIONSHIPS

IN

AA

SOBER

IN

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

AND

LOVE

INTIMACY

How

can

I

tell

if

I

am

acting

out

of

fear

or

if

I

am

really

acting

out

of

Love

When

it

comes

to

relationships

so

many

times

we

throw

around

the

words

I

love

you

for

the

wrong

reasons

We

may

say

the

words

to

make

someone

feel

needed

or

Loved

which

in

itself

is

a

kind

manipulation

We

may

say

it

to

make

someone

feel

obligated

to

us

as

if

being

loved

has

a

price

tag

on

it

Or

we

may

say

it

because

we

have

been

hurt

by

someone

and

we

want

them

to

feel

extra

guiltyhow

Oftentimes

drug

addicts

have

to

learn

how

to

manipulate

people

to

ensure

that

their

using

needs

will

be

met

To

make

sure

that

I

would

have

the

drugs

I

needed

I

had

several

enablers

on

a

line

Enablers

tend

to

have

their

own

underlying

reasons

to

enable

us

but

thats

a

whole

other

matter

So

in

my

mind

the

numerous

sugar

daddys

that

I

had

on

the

line

had

the

following

reasons

to

want

me

around

They

wanted

to

be

seen

with

a

young

and

beautiful

woman

hood

ornament

persay

They

wanted

sex

of

course

thats

the

most

common

one

Armed

with

this

knowledge

I

would

tell

them

what

I

thought

they

wanted

to

hear

and

much

of

that

was

the

I

love

you

So

I

lied

I

cheated

I

manipulated

and

said

I

love

you

because

of

fear

I

was

afraid

if

I

didnt

say

and

do

these

things

I

wouldnt

get

what

I

needed

to

stay

well

and

wanted

to

feel

good

But

what

about

regular

intimate

romantic

relationships

that

arent

cursed

with

drug

addict

motives

Do

we

still

act

out

of

fear

and

say

the

I

love

you

for

the

wrong

reasons

HELL

YES

it

happens

all

the

time

The

primary

reason

is

control

and

fear

of

loss

Oftentimes

people

in

relationships

tend

to

act

out

because

they

are

afraid

of

losingespecially

addicts

who

no

longer

have

their

drink

and

drug

Now

the

sober

addict

has

a

person

that

they

begin

to

obsess

on

and

become

way

too

dependent

on

emotionally

and

perhaps

financially

The

I

love

you

becomes

a

staunch

So

if

our

partner

interacts

with

other

friends

do

we

find

ourselves

feeling

threatened

subconsciously

and

then

react

by

using

sex

to

get

then

under

control

Or

maybe

we

find

a

reason

why

the

partner

shouldnt

be

with

their

friends

likeits

dangerous

I

am

worried

about

you

Or

when

they

come

home

do

we

throw

a

fit

about

how

worried

we

were

about

them

because

WE

LOVE

THEM

We

can

use

this

thermometer

Love

is

charitable

it

is

giving

Love

does

not

attack

verbally

but

fear

does

Love

does

not

try

to

play

god

but

fear

does

Love

would

never

tell

another

adult

how

to

live

If

we

are

concerned

about

a

Loved

one

then

we

share

our

concerns

in

a

respectful

manner

such

as

sharing

our

fears

for

that

person

by

speaking

in

the

I

context

NO

YOUS

you

this

you

that

tends

to

be

an

attack

For

instance

if

my

partner

is

hanging

out

with

his

old

using

friends

I

could

say

Wow

you

must

be

stronger

than

me

if

I

were

hanging

out

with

my

old

using

friends

I

would

relapse

for

sure

One

of

the

oldest

control

games

in

the

world

is

limiting

freedom

for

ones

own

wellbeing

for

ones

own

good

All

people

deserve

to

have

peace

and

freedom

Once

we

are

adults

our

mommies

dont

control

us

any

longer

The

law

and

our

employers

are

the

only

authorities

that

we

endure

Each

man

has

the

right

to

make

his

own

mistakes

Each

man

has

the

right

to

have

peace

in

his

home

Sponsorship

means

we

suggest

and

we

ask

questions

we

dont

make

our

sponcees

decisions

for

them

that

is

enabling

as

well

We

should

treat

our

lifepartners

or

significant

others

like

friends

giving

them

the

same

respect

and

freedom

we

would

give

a

good

friend

December

Nurture

Our

Inner

Child

How

do

we

nurture

our

inner

child

Do

not

underestimate

the

value

of

writing

and

its

affect

on

our

emotions

Writing

has

helped

me

heal

There

is

a

small

child

in

each

of

us

innocent

full

of

wonder

with

feelings

that

are

hopeful

and

fragile

The

heart

of

a

child

longs

for

the

most

powerful

gift

to

humanity

which

is

LOVE

When

we

Love

one

another

by

our

deeds

we

feed

our

inner

child

We

mustnt

repress

our

innocence

and

label

it

weak

Our

intellect

may

reason

out

to

do

just

that

The

Love

we

show

one

another

now

is

an

opportunity

for

immortality

our

Love

echoes

in

eternity

Lori

E

December

Sobriety

Year

Seven

SEVEN

YEARS

SOBER

ALCOHOL

WAS

BUT

A

SYMPTOM

OF

A

DEEPER

SICKNESS

I

ran

into

a

lady

a

WalMart

she

invited

me

to

church

I

gave

her

a

brief

summary

of

what

God

has

done

for

me

in

the

last

nine

years

I

told

her

I

have

stayed

sober

nine

years

She

looked

at

me

amazed

and

said

Wow

That

must

be

hard

its

hard

to

stay

sober

I

thought

to

myself

about

the

last

years

in

sobriety

and

how

easy

it

has

been

to

stay

sober

anymore

I

thought

to

myself

this

life

of

mine

is

the

closest

this

former

drunk

has

ever

been

to

a

normal

life

I

told

June

get

sober

and

the

first

four

years

where

absolutely

filled

with

processing

my

core

issues

I

worked

very

hard

to

clear

up

the

wreckage

of

the

past

and

root

out

the

underlying

causes

of

my

addiction

Not

to

mention

the

twelve

steps

were

and

are

my

guide

through

my

sober

journey

In

the

twelve

steps

lies

the

magical

jumpstart

that

made

all

my

healing

and

psychic

change

possible

That

magic

is

my

Higher

Power

I

relentlessly

worked

step

eleven

meditation

daily

for

years

I

connected

with

God

I

met

my

Spirit

Guides

and

I

became

strengthened

to

the

point

of

a

new

selfconfidence

and

awareness

of

who

I

really

am

I

let

little

Laura

out

My

underlying

cause

was

emotional

disorder

Not

to

mention

I

was

ate

up

with

shame

Until

I

went

to

AA

and

had

one

full

year

of

recovery

based

therapy

I

had

no

idea

what

to

do

with

feelings

Feelings

used

to

scare

the

shit

out

of

me

to

put

it

bluntly

Why

does

the

addict

work

so

hard

to

change

the

way

heshe

feels

How

is

it

that

the

new

rehabs

are

advertising

that

they

have

the

cure

for

addiction

when

we

are

taught

in

the

big

book

that

we

will

always

be

alcoholics

Is

it

possible

that

Bill

Wilson

was

wrong

We

are

taught

to

keep

an

open

mind

and

to

never

limit

God

and

His

power

Maybe

Bill

Wilson

just

never

did

find

the

courage

and

wherewithall

to

return

to

his

childhood

traumas

and

scream

and

cry

them

out

as

that

small

child

Letting

the

hurts

out

rather

than

If

the

underlying

cause

is

healed

by

God

and

we

are

taught

how

to

express

our

feelings

in

a

healthy

way

then

it

becomes

very

easy

to

stay

sober

Is

it

a

cure

Well

thats

a

matter

of

semantics

NEVERTHELESS

I

AM

SOBER

BY

THE

GRACE

OF

GOD

WHO

PICKED

ME

UP

OFF

THE

STREET

WHERE

I

WAS

DEAD

TO

THE

LIGHT

AND

HE

OPENED

MY

EYES

AND

HEALED

November

THE

TOOLS

TO

STAY

SOBER

IN

ALCOHOLICS

ANONYMOUS

Staying

Sober

The

Same

Things

I

did

to

stay

sober

nine

years

ago

I

do

to

keep

me

sober

today

Is

anyone

having

a

hard

time

staying

sober

today

we

in

Alcoholics

Anonymous

ask

THE

SAME

THINGS

I

DID

TO

STAY

SOBER

NINE

YEARS

AGO

I

DO

TO

KEEP

ME

SOBER

TODAY

TEMPTATION

STRIKES

AT

NINE

YEARS

SOBER

DOES

THAT

MEAN

MY

SOBRIETY

IS

NOT

QUALITY

SOBRIETY

List

of

Sobriety

Tools

link

I

used

to

love

to

drink

the

frothy

brown

head

on

the

top

of

a

cold

Amber

Bock

or

Dark

Heineken

beer

I

preferred

my

beer

nearly

frozen

I

would

chug

down

the

first

one

till

I

remember

getting

a

warm

fuzzy

feeling

in

the

pit

of

my

stomach

Then

I

felt

the

alcohol

coarse

through

my

veins

almost

like

a

shot

of

heroin

straight

into

my

blood

stream

I

would

sit

around

with

my

friends

connecting

on

a

level

that

made

me

feel

brotherhood

and

a

sense

of

belonging

I

had

found

my

place

in

life

and

it

took

So

when

I

walked

to

my

neighbors

house

yesterday

to

pick

up

my

little

dog

I

was

a

bit

taken

by

the

ice

cold

cooler

full

of

Amber

Bock

and

the

fellowship

that

I

found

At

nine

years

sober

I

must

admit

my

mind

went

to

a

place

where

I

asked

myself

Can

I

safely

drink

After

all

I

am

a

different

person

now

When

they

kindly

offered

me

a

beer

I

laughed

and

told

them

that

I

quit

nine

years

prior

and

that

drinking

got

me

in

trouble

They

laughed

and

said

We

thought

that

was

the

whole

reason

The

counselors

at

Bridge

house

Rehab

gave

us

a

little

sobriety

tool

called

play

it

through

This

tool

if

you

really

do

want

to

be

free

from

the

miseries

drinking

brings

works

It

works

for

me

and

it

works

for

those

I

got

sober

with

back

in

who

are

still

around

My

brains

travelling

neurons

then

took

an

abrupt

turn

into

an

exit

ramp

and

caught

my

painstakingly

built

sobriety

bridge

By

doing

the

next

right

thing

and

by

Gods

grace

I

have

built

a

bridge

over

the

carved

out

and

well

used

roads

in

my

brain

labelled

This

way

to

Hell

After

nine

years

of

recovery

my

minds

neurons

have

learned

to

travel

on

the

welllit

highways

or

neuralpathways

of

sobriety

And

what

did

I

find

on

my

well

lit

road

leading

me

away

from

the

Hell

that

I

have

had

enough

of

You

guessed

it

I

found

awareness

I

SO

IS

MY

SOBRIETY

QUALITY

I

DIDNT

DRINK

I

USED

THE

TOOLS

I

DIDNT

DISRESPECT

OR

JUDGE

MY

DRINKING

NEIGHBORS

I

AM

NOT

ASHAMED

OF

WHO

I

AM

AND

MY

THOUGHTS

AND

FEELINGS

QUALITY

SOBRIETY

HAS

MANY

FACES

INCLUDING

A

FACE

OF

PAIN

BUT

THROUGH

IT

ALL

IT

HAS

A

FACE

THAT

HAS

EYES

TO

SEE

PAST

THE

EVIL

INTO

THE

GOOD

YOU

BE

THE

JUDGE