How to Prepare Young Children for Childbirth
This post is the first in a three-part series on preparing for childbirth with young children. Today I offer some ideas on how to talk to your child about what to expect with labor and delivery. The second post will give you “30 Natural Birth Videos and Slideshows to Prepare Children for Labor and Birth (Plus Additional Resources)” to help you normalize labor and delivery for your child. And in the third post, “What to Do with Young Children at Childbirth,” I share ideas on how to plan for a birth with older siblings present. I welcome your feedback and experiences in the comments!
We are planning a homebirth for the upcoming birth of our second child. There are many reasons we decided to have a homebirth, but one of those reasons is so that our preschooler, Kieran, could be involved and comfortable during labor and delivery.
Kieran is a pretty sensitive child, and I have been worried about how he will react to the normal sights and sounds of labor and childbirth. Tom likes to tease me that when I gave birth to Kieran, I sounded like Louis Armstrong. I don’t normally sound like a jazz singer, so I’ve done some research about how to prepare Kieran for what to expect when his new sibling is born. Here are a few ideas that I’ve come across, please share your own ideas in the comments.1
Be Relaxed and Honest About Anatomy
Since Kieran was old enough to notice his body, we have used the correct anatomical terms for his (and our) genitals. We talk about his genitals as matter-of-factly as we talk about his knees – they are body parts. As Kieran has gotten older and has started noticing differences between his body and mine, I also explain in age-appropriate terms how our bodies are different. When he started with the “why” questions, (“why do girls have a vulva?” “why don’t girls have a penis?”), I’ve used them as opportunities to talk about the normal physiological process of growing a baby. Once we were actually pregnant, the physical parts and process were no big deal to Kieran – they were simply part of life.
Don’t be afraid to introduce sexual terminology to young children. Your presentation of the human body will help your child form his or her own sexual identity. Being honest and straightforward also lays a foundation for a trust between you and your child, so that she can feel safe to come to you later about sexual topics. And remember to relax – your stance, your emotional reactions, your tone and expressions – children will notice all of these things when you talk.2
Share Your Child’s Birth Story
Another way we talked about anatomy and normalized pregnancy and childbirth for Kieran was by telling him his birth story. Shortly before Kieran’s third birthday, he became curious about the meaning of what a “birthday” is, so we discussed the day he was born. For weeks, he asked me to tell him his birth story every night before he fell asleep. Those weeks are precious memories for me, and they laid the foundation for him to be comfortable with the birth of a sibling.
Talk About How Babies Grow and Are Born
In age appropriate terms, talk to your child in simple terms about how the baby grows in the uterus and how childbirth works. Don’t feel the need to share everything at once – your child will come up with his own questions during your pregnancy. Let her come to you with questions, she’ll be better able to digest the information at her own pace. Try to think like a preschooler (or a toddler, or whatever age your child is) – if she asks how the baby got in your uterus, she probably does not need a full discussion of sexual intercourse. One expert advises parents to repeat the question and ask the child what she thinks – this can help you clarify what she really wants to know.3 And don’t be surprised if your child asks you the same question over and over – it is simply her way of gaining a deeper understanding of the information.
Include Children in Midwife Visits
Try to make your midwife or doctor appointments at a time when the whole family can attend. Before you get to the appointment, talk to your children about what will happen at the appointment, and invite him to come up with his own questions for the midwife. At our first midwife appointment, Kieran asked “why are babies dirty when they get born?” He’s very concerned about the blood and vernix that he’s seen in pictures and videos, and he was reassured by the midwife’s simple explanation.
Read Books About Childbirth
Both children’s books and photography books that focus on pregnancy and childbirth can be wonderful tools to normalize birth for children. Here is a list of books that you may wish to consider. You can find a few more at Preparing an Older Sibling for a New Birth, a post Lauren from Hobo Mama wrote when she was preparing her own son, Mikko, for the homebirth of his brother.
- A Child Is Born: Photographer Nilsson and obstetrician Hamberger explore the miracle of birth through in utero pictures showing conception through birth.
- I Watched My Brother Being Born: Color photographs and story of one family’s homebirth, as told by the seven year old sibling.
- Mama, Talk About When Max Was Born: The story of one family’s pregnancy and home waterbirth.
- My New Baby: A picture book that shows how one family involved the older sibling in welcoming a new baby.
- Waiting for Baby: A picture book that shows how one family (and older sibling) wait for birth.
- Welcome with Love: “Jack and his family welcome a baby boy in this tranquil description of a seamless home birth,” as told from the child’s perspective.
Share Childbirth Slideshows and Videos
Once Kieran showed more of an interest in the birth process, I asked him if he’d like to see some pictures of childbirth. We started with slideshows of women in labor with very few pictures of actual delivery. We moved on to very gentle birth videos, and eventually moved to videos that introduced both vocalizations of laboring women as well as more realistic/graphic footage of birth. Be sure to check back in a few days, I’ll share a list of slideshow and video resources that you can use to prepare your child for labor and delivery.
Talk About What to Expect
Along with all of your reading, sharing birth stories, watching videos, etc., be sure to talk about what your birth plans look like. Where will you labor, where will you give birth, what might help you feel good during labor (i.e., calm and quiet, sips of water), how hard you will be working, who will be present (the midwife, any relatives), and any other details that can help your child get a feel for the order of events.
How did you prepare your children for labor and delivery? Please share your wisdom in the comments!
- Many thanks to the Natural Parents Network Facebook community and my local attachment parenting community for inspiring many of these ideas. ↩
- For more, see Sex Education: Talking to Toddlers and Preschoolers About Sex; Sexual Curiosity in Preschoolers; Understanding Early Sexual Development; and When Young Children Explore Anatomy: Dilemma or Development? ↩
- How to Talk to Your Preschooler About How Babies Are Made ↩
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"How to Prepare Young Children for Childbirth"
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