Support Siblings through Childhood Cancer
Brothers and sisters often feel very overwhelmed by the experience of their sibling’s cancer.
Most parents lament their reluctance to entrust the sick child to family or friends so they could spend quality time with their other children. They grieve deeply for the way cancer affects siblings, and for their pain.
Support siblings by understanding that difficult behaviours sometimes occur as a result of the enormous stress they feel.
Educate them about the cancer, involve them in care, and create 1:1 opportunities with them regularly to help them feel calmer and more secure.
Educate Siblings about Cancer
Children worry more when they don’t understand something, or their imagination is allowed to take flight. Explain that cancer is not contagious, and reassure your children that no one caused their brother or sister to become sick.
Take photographs during tests and treatments so siblings can learn about what happens at the hospital. If the hospital has a child life specialist, ask if she can do a session with your children.
If you can’t answer a sibling’s question, say you don’t know, but that you will ask the doctor when you next meet. Make a note of the question in your notebook, so you don’t forget to ask.
Involve Siblings in Medical Care
Take curious siblings to the hospital. Let them comfort their brother or sister during procedures such as having eye drops or starting an IV. This will help them understand more and enable them to feel they are doing something helpful.
When giving medication at home, ask your children to choose a treat for their sibling. Let them choose one too, and tell them how proud you are that they are so helpful and caring.
Spend Time with Siblings
Ask siblings how they are, and listen to their answers. Find out what is troubling them. Many of their worries can be easily resolved through good communication.
Encourage your children to share their feelings. Say you are sorry you have to be at the hospital so much and you miss spending time with them. Tell them you care, and give them plenty of opportunities to tell you how they are feeling.
Try to spend time alone with each sibling every week. Give plenty of hugs, and tell them how special they are. Ask how they are doing in school or at their clubs. Talk about THEIR life. Give them little tokens of your affection, not just for being good, but because they are much loved.
Recognise that siblings may need another adult in their life, such as a relative, Godparent or family friend, who can offer extra support and attention.
Talk About Siblings Too
Don’t let conversation revolve completely around your child who has cancer. Include siblings wherever possible. For example, if a friend says “Ben looks so cool with those sunglasses”, you could reply “Yes she does, and Lucy has a beautiful hat too. Do you like it?”
If friends ask how they can help, suggest they give extra special attention to your other children.
Find out about support services for siblings, such as clubs or camps. Meeting other children who understand their experience can be very therapeutic.
If you are concerned about a sibling’s emotional wellbeing, ask a nurse or child life specialist for help. Alternatively, ask your doctor for referral to a psychologist.