Ever wonder why, when you cheerfully announce it's clean-up time, your normally sweet-tempered darling clocks you with her BRIO block? Or when a playmate asks her if he can share her sand toys, she grabs her pail and shovel and hollers, "MINE! Go home!" Or when reminded that Daddy's toolbox is off-limits, your little one dumps out its contents and stomps out of the room?
Bad behavior in children always comes with an explanation (and no, your tot is not the devil in disguise). The truth is, throwing tantrums, hitting, talking back (or, in toddler speak, saying "no" to everything), and breaking rules are completely normal and age appropriate. Don't think of these less-than-perfect behaviors as acts of rebellion (though they may seem that way) but rather as developmentally appropriate behaviors that result from:
- Curiosity. Kids this age are naturally curious about the world around them, which can often translate into bad toddler behavior ("Hmmm…what will happen if I dump all the books off the shelf?" Or "I wonder how my sister's goldfish would like a dip in the toilet bowl?"). An adult might interpret these actions as naughty, but your toddler (in her mind, at least) is conducting a science experiment — not looking for a way to annoy you (or her older sister).
- Miscommunication. Acting out often happens because communication is so very tough for toddlers. It's much easier for children to communicate with bad behavior, like when your two-year-old kicks over a flowerpot than to say, "I'm cranky because my nap was too short" or hurls a toy at her pal instead of saying, "I don't want my playdate to end."
- Immaturity. Until they reach kindergarten, kids pretty much stink at controlling their impulses and grasping the concepts of right and wrong. Because they are constantly running up against a wall of limitations (whether it's being unable to button a shirt or say what they mean) frustration often rears its ugly head — in tantrum form. And toddlers have little (okay, no) experience checking their emotions, so when they're released, they're anything but controlled (hello, bad behavior).
- Desire for independence. Right now, your "bad" toddler is just determined to test her wings and try things on her own (cutting her food, tying her shoes, washing her hands). And that can lead to resistance ("No, Mom! Let me do it!"), aggressive behavior, and ultimately frustration. A tantrum is often her way of saying, "I want to do this myself!" or "I'm angry!" — when her desires exceed her abilities.
No matter the reason, even the sweetest of toddlers are bound to behave badly at some time. Read on to minimize misbehavior with effective discipline strategies.