Discipline is a necessary part of parenting but the subject of parenting and discipline has been hotly debated in recent years, often leaving parents confused on how to raise their children.
The subject of parenting and discipline often sparks heated debate and much of this stems from the use of the word discipline itself, which conjures a picture of harsh and unreasonable punishment in the minds of many parents.
Indeed, the debate over discipline has resulted in many parents moving to the opposite side of the scale and adopting an approach, which can best be described as excessively permissive.
As adults, this is called self-discipline – knowing what is right and what is wrong and what should and should not be done. There are also many things in life which one does not particularly want to do, but which are necessary to progress through the trials and tribulations of everyday life.
But such self-discipline does not come naturally and it is to be learned as one grows up and something parents need to teach children.
The first and perhaps most important lesson which parents need to learn is that children are individuals and that the approach to disciplining individual children needs to recognize this fact. W hat’s appropriate for one child may not necessarily be appropriate or effective with another.
The second thing that needs to be realized is that discipline must be linked to a child’s level of understanding. While this is largely a function of age, children will develop both physically and intellectually at differing rates and this too needs to be taken into account.
For example, there is little point in trying to have a deep and meaningful discussion with a three-year-old about the rights and wrongs of taking sweets from the shelf in the local supermarket. At the same time, sending a sixteen-year-old to his room simply because “I say so” is also of little benefit.
The secret is to acknowledge that the response to bad behavior must be appropriate to the age of the child but also to understand that it must be appropriate to the individual child.
Another extremely important principle of discipline is the response to bad behavior should be both considered and be seen as being considered. Never simply react to a situation on impulse and certainly not out of anger.
Take a moment to compose self before saying or doing anything when angry. If necessary, call a “time out.” Walk away from the situation and take the time to decide what to do, if necessary discussing an appropriate response with the spouse, before saying anything to the child or taking any action. The delay should not be too long and it certainly wouldn’t be appropriate in most cases to punish an action days or weeks later. But “sleeping” on a problem can often be very helpful.
Discussing a problem with a teenager after a night’s sleep for example can be extremely effective giving the teenager time to think about what he or she has done. It also helps to think carefully about the lesson that the teenager needs to learn and how best that lesson can be taught. It also demonstrates to the teenager that the parent is concerned about this issue and that it took time to consider it carefully, rather than simply reacting on impulse or out of anger.
Discipline is a necessary part of parenting and is not always easy. However, a realization that as parent the role is not simply to punish children but to teach them a lesson and help them develop a valuable life skill will go a long way to taking away much of the unpleasantness often associated with disciplining children.
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