Preadolescence, that vital state between childhood and adolescence, marks the beginning of a new stage of construction of the identity of our children. In this construction of your I, bodily, behavioral and emotional changes take part. These emotional changes are what this article is about, aimed at parents of adolescent children.
Each child has, of course, their own maturation and each one will sooner or later reach this stage, but in general terms we can place preadolescence between 11 and 13 years old. There are those who place it even a little earlier between 9 and 10. But it is more or less at the moment in which the physical changes resulting from biological maturation begin to change the body of our children when emotional and behavioral changes also begin typical of this phase.
The changes in this stage are many and varied. Each child will experience them with more or less intensity, but in practically all of them we will be able to see some very characteristic ones, such as the following.
1. New fears appear such as the fear of making a fool of himself or the increased sense of shame and shame in front of his own body. At this time, conflicts related to your body image may begin to arise with which we will have to be very tactful when addressing them.
2. It is a time when the need for more privacy appearsAs children move away from us, we observe how they spend more time in their rooms listening to music or reading. In reality, this behavior should not worry us excessively since it is what they must do at this moment to build their own identity, as long as our affective and communicative ties are not broken.
3. It is also a phase in which children try whatever they can to please their friends. Their peer group begins to be their reference center to build their thoughts, they adopt attitudes, jargons typical of the group and very different from the parents.
4. Emotional lability, that is, the fluctuation from a state of joy to one of deep sadness it also characterizes this stage. For children who are in this phase, everything is either extremely ideal or just the opposite. It is a period full of illusions, laughter, crying, internal discussion, ... a time of great and profound changes that, as parents, we must know how to assimilate and manage.
All these changes and many others can cause friction and end in conflict between parents and children. It is especially important that we are aware that it is not easy for them to assume all these transformations and that the transition from child to adult requires the support of understanding rather than permissive parents.
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