Nero , however , did not know this , and at the news brought by the courier , he prepared himself for suicide , pacing up and down muttering " Qualis artifex pereo " which translates to English as " What an artist dies in me . " Losing his nerve , he first begged for one of his companions to set an example by first killing himself . At last , the sound of approaching horsemen drove Nero to face the end . However , he still could not bring himself to take his own life but instead he forced his private secretary , Epaphroditos , to perform the task .