s for lisp
So someone said to me the other day I've got a lisp
A stranger, you know, they said I've got a subtle lisp
And I should know I sound a little stupid doing spoken word
When all my words with "S" in them are spoken so absurd
And I'm not upset, okay it just sucks
To think you're speaking normally for two decades
And then shucks—
Find out your stuff sounds like a stanza of Severus Snape's toughest parseltongue is pronounced by Daffy Duck
So I will say this:
My subtle lisp is not sinful
I'm not sorry Saturday, I'm not sorry Sunday;
I'm spiritual and when I speak
I celebrate the Sabbath seven days a week
I've got special S sauce smothered on my skull walls like a tossed salad so silkscreen the Sistine ceiling on my soft pallet
I sing along with super scenesters
Reciting Sufjan Stevens songs in skinny jeans
Dance salsa with soccer moms
Sneaking out in skimpy see-through sarongs
I will answer your questions in stout
With my sexy subtly lisping sparkling incisor small
What's my surname? Watsky
What's my size? Stocky
My city? San Francisco
It's so sweet, now slow
See, I've heard some steamy stories of oral sex
But I'm not stretching to say one time
I made a lady climax by speaking an essay section
Of a Shakespeare sonnet in her split legs' general direction
I scribble all S-Essays I shred them and sprinkle the whole S-ashes
My speech doesn't give a spotted sea snail if it passes
I slipped past straight Fs to straight Ss in my classes
Because my speech stay second-semester senior status
Seriously so so so so soon
So sick sixth grade school kids call me sofa king
I'm on tongue steroids
Slammin' with the Sammie Sosa swing
So tight I sleep upright in a small cell in Sing Sing
And sail the seven seas on Steve Irwin's stingray
While your speedboat's sinking
It's still too soon
Anyway, screw an S.S.O.S
I'm straight S.S.S for Save Someone's Standards
Studied at Emerson; the school of savage speech
Sup, Stanford?
I spit sexier than Summer Sanders, Sarah Silverman
Susan Sarandon, Sissy Spacek, Sally Struthers, and Selena
Spooning in a 6-way same-sex all S celebrity civil union
So, you can slander the gay lisp
And I will slip you a solid list of friends
Or 60% of Emerson; who
Lisp or no lisp, will stomp, spit, stay pissed
And start all over on the racists
You can save the South Korean stereotypes
The Sambo shtick
The sexist shit is sickening
And if you suppose your speech is normal
Its 'cause your impediment is listening
Speak for those of us with something special
Something that sets us aside from my—
Accent havers, my... stammerers
My southerners, my st-st-stutterers
Yes, I will spit it sick and stick to never skipping "S"
'Cause I was—
Suckin' on a soup spoon and I suckled it to sterling silver
Simple, supple, super soaker
Staying watching Sister Sister
Scenage syllables coming esophagus
Move up there this place is
Sufferin' succotash
Second place isolate oxygen
There's no stopping this
I start this step of speaking
You should see that I will not desist
I'm sorry!
CUSPI, if you don't like a subtle lisp
Then you can simply suck on thissssssss