going through changes
I'm going through changes
I'm going through changes
Lately I really feel like I'm rollin' for delf
Like Philly, feel like I'm losin' control of myself
I sincerely apologize if all that I sound like
Is I'm complainin' but life keeps on complicatin'
And I'm debatin' on leavin' this world this evenin'
Even my girls can see I'm grievin', I try and hide it
But I can't, why do I act like I'm all high and mighty
When inside I'm dyin'? I am finally realizin' I need
Help, can't do it myself, too weak
Two weeks I've been havin' ups and downs goin' through peaks
And valleys, dilly-dallyin' 'round with the idea
Of endin' this shit right here,  I'm hatin' my reflection
I walk around the house tryna fight mirrors
I can't stand what I look like, yeah I look fat
But what do I care? I give a fuck
Only thing I fear's Hailie, I'm afraid if I close my eyes, that I might see her... shit
I'm going through changes
I'm going through changes
I lock myself in the bedroom, bathroom, nappin' at noon
Yeah, Dad's in a bad mood, he's always snappin' at you
Marshall, what happened that you can't stop with these pills?
And you've fallen off with your skills and your own fans are laughin' at you
It become a problem you're too pussy to tackle? Get up
Be a man, stand, a real man woulda had this shit handled
Know you just had your heart ripped out and crushed
They say Proof just flipped out, homie just whipped out and bust
Nah, it ain't like Doody to do that, he wouldn't fuckin'
Shoot at nobody, he'd fight first, but dwellin'
On it only makes the night worse, now I'm poppin' Vics, Percs
And Methadone pills, "Yeah, Em, tight verse
You killed it!" Fuckin' drug dealers hang around me like yes men
And they gon' do whatever I says when I says it
It's in their best interest to protect their investment
And I just lost my fuckin' best friend, so fuck it, I guess then—
(I'm going through changes) Don’t know what I’m gonna do
(I'm going through changes) But I just keep on going through changes
My friends can't understand this new me, that's understandable
Man, but think how bananas you'd be, you'd be an animal too
If you were trapped in this fame and caged in it like a zoo
And everybody's lookin' at you, what you want me to do?
I'm startin' to live like a recluse
And the truth is, fame's startin' to give me an excuse
To be at an all-time low; I sit alone in my home theater
Watchin' the same damn DVD of the
First tour; the last tour, he was still alive
And it hurts so I fast forward, sleeping pills'll make me feel alright
And if I'm still awake in the middle of the night
I'll just take a couple more, yeah, you're motherfuckin' right
I ain't slowin' down for no one, I am almost homeward bound
Almost in a coma, yeah homie, come on, dole 'em out!
"Daddy, don't you die on me! Daddy, better hold your ground!"
Fuck, don't I know the sound of that voice? Yeah, baby, hold me down (Daddy!)
(I'm going through changes) (Daddy!) Don’t know what I’m gonna do
(I'm going through changes) But I just keep on going through changes
Wake up in the hospital, full of tubes, but somehow I'm pullin' through
Swear when I come back I'ma be bulletproof
I'ma do it just for Proof, I think I should state a few
Facts, 'cause I may not get a chance again to say the truth
Shit, it just hit me that what if I would not've made it through?
I think about the things I woulda never got to say to you
I'd never get to make it right, so here's what I came to do
Hailie, this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina too
I still love your mother, that'll never change
Think about her every day, we just could never get it together, hey
Wish there was a better way for me to say it
But I swear on everything, I'd do anything for her on any day
There are just too many things to explain, when it rains
Guess it pours — yes, it does, wish there wasn't any pain
But I can't pretend there ain't, I ain't placin' any blame
I ain't pointin' fingers, Heaven knows I've never been a saint
I know that it feels like we just pissed away our history
And just today I looked at your picture, almost if to say
I miss you subconsciously, wish it didn't end this way
But I just had to get away, don't know why, I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm—
(I'm going through changes) Don’t know what I’m gonna do
(I'm going through changes) But I just keep on going through changes