darkroom
So tell me what it is that you want, that-, that you don't have
Contemplating everything
I'm questioning who I am and these walls I'm living in
I might scream but they won't hear this hurricane
That's some love I mix with pain
That's some shit won't be the same
That's some rain that comforts me on these walks I take outside the frame
Yeah, yeah
I'm so used to the cycle
I don't really tell nobody
I'm close to the edge and I might fall
Running from something years ago
I don't even know how to slow down
I'm anticipating a crossroads
And I'm asking God where to turn now
It's three in the morning
And I do this every day
My thoughts get lost in this dark room
'Til the sunrise washes them all away
I heard there's beauty in the struggle
I heard it's sweet, it's subtle
Light pours down this tunnel
Run until I lose my shadow
I may just trip on some faith in here
Thought I was running for light
But in truth, I was running in fear
This was never how it used to be
I loved you before I learned to love me
I tried to confide in friends but they taught me that that was naive
Taught me to cover my sleeves and fall on my knees
And to look up in the sky in need
Run, run, run
I'm trying to find me, yeah
Made it to the river edge
Trying to find some peace, yeah
Watching a black sky
Turn into a butterfly
Fly, fly, fly away
Letting go of yesterday
And I ain't never seen it like this
Never seen it like this before
And God, if I changed my mind, I would never see this I'm sure
I ain't never seen it like this
Never seen it like this before
God if I changed my mind, if I changed my mind, I would never see this I'm sure
We visit in a derelict past
Wiping the dust off this glass
This mirror shows me at nine years old
Looking back at me so hard
Where've you been?
Why'd you leave me behind?
I've been shouting for you all night
I've been calling 'til the sunrise washes me from the back of your mind, oh
Yeah
And I thought you would never come
Thought you would never be here
Looking in this broken mirror, everything's so clear
I didn't think I'd find you either
Not sure what I was searching for
Wiping the mirror with the tears I've been holding for years
Then it turned into a window when we watched it pour
When I'm old I wanna be somewhere real
You told me when I'm old I wanna be someone real
I don't really wanna end up like you
I just wanna find somebody that feels like me
Feeling to sail away
I'm gon' find me a better place
Somewhere they see me before they see my race
Somewhere I don't need to hide away
These friends aren't friends 'til they shared your hardest days
Your hardest time, your coldest place
You can come if you want to
You can come if you want to
We can still be okay
I got nothing but some thoughts on you
Watched it rain
But if I run 'round, take it all on, be a good son
Would it be alright?
Would it be alright?
Be alright, yeah
And lately I don't know what to do
I got nothing but some thoughts on you
But if I run 'round, take it all on, be a good son
Would it be alright?
Would it be alright?
Would it be alright?
Run, run, run
Trying to find me
Made it to the river edge
Trying to find some peace
Watching a black sky
Turn into a butterfly
Fly, fly, fly away
Letting go of yesterday
And I ain't never seen it like this
Never seen it like this before
God, if I changed my mind, I would never see this I'm sure
I ain't never seen it like this
Never seen it like this before
God if I changed my mind, if I changed my mind, I would never see this I'm sure
"So tell me what it is that you want, that-, that you don't have"
"Well I'd like to be, I'd like to be more consistently here, you know? I'd like to really get on a ro-...
I'd like to just, and I know it's not probably ever, maybe, possible but
Because it's so improbable, and so impossible, I'd just like to really see how long I could last as being really here, you know?
Really in it, really alive in the moment, you know?"