deja vu
DMC, we have a mid-thirties male found down, unresponsive
Possible overdose, substance unknown
Pulse is 60 and thready
Respiration is eight
He's intubated and we're bagging him now
Uh, BP 90 over palp
Patient is cool, pale, and diaphoretic
Has aspirated, uh, GSC is 3
Will update en route, ETA: ten minutes
As I fall deeper into a manic state
I'm a prime candidate for the gene
To receive the drug addict trait
Blood pressure climbs at a dramatic rate
I seem to gravitate to the bottle of NyQuil then I salivate
Start off with the NyQuil, like, "I think I'll just have a taste"
Couple of sips of that then I gradually graduate
To a harder prescription drug called Valium
Like, "yeah, that's great"
I go to just take one and I end up like having eight
Now I need something in my stomach 'cause I haven't ate
Maybe I'll grab a plate of nachos and I'll have a steak
And you'd think that with all I have at stake
Look at my daughter's face
"Mommy, something is wrong with Dad I think
He's acting weird again, he's really beginning to scare me
Won't shave his beard again and he pretends he doesn't hear me
And all he does is eat Doritos and Cheetos
And he just fell asleep in his car eating 3 Musketeers in the rear seat"
Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know
Feels like I been down this road before
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me
As soon as I go home and close the door
Kinda feels like déjà vu
I wanna get away from this place, I do
But I can't and I won't, say I try, but I know
That's a lie 'cause I don't
And why, I just don't know
"Maybe just a nice cold brew, what's a beer?"
That's the devil in my ear, I've been sober a fuckin' year
And that fucker still talks to me, he's all I can fucking hear
"Marshall, come on, we'll watch the game
It's the Cowboys and Buccaneers"
"And maybe if I just drink half
I'll be half-buzzed for half of the time"
Who's the mastermind behind that little line?
With that kind of rationale, man, I got half a mind
To have another half a glass of wine
Sounds asinine, yeah, I know
But I never had no problem with alcohol
Ouch, look out for the wall, aim for the couch, I'm 'bout to fall
I miss the couch and down I go, lookin' like a bouncy ball
Shit must've knocked me out 'cause I ain't feel the ground at all
Wow, what the fuck happened last night? Where am I?
Man, fuck, am I hungover, and goddamn, I got a headache
Shit, half a Vicodin, why can't I?
All systems ready for take off, please stand by
Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know
Feels like I been down this road before
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me
As soon as I go home and close the door
Kinda feels like déjà vu
I wanna get away from this place, I do
But I can't and I won't, say I try, but I know
That's a lie' cause I don't
And why, I just don't know
So I take a Vicodin, splash, it hits my stomach, then (Ahhh!)
Couple of weeks go by, it ain't even like I'm gettin' high
Now I need it just not to feel sick, yeah, I'm gettin' by
Wouldn't even be taking this shit if DeShaun didn't die
Oh yeah, there's an excuse; you lose Proof, so you use
There's new rules, it's cool if it's helpin' you to get through
It's twelve-noon, ain't no harm in self-inducin' a snooze
What else is new? Fuck it, what would Elvis do in your shoes?
Now here I am three months later, full-blown relapse
"Just get high until the kids get home from school, homes, relax"
And since I'm convinced that I'm an insomniac
I need these pills to be able to sleep, so I take three naps
Just to be able to function throughout the day, let's see
That's an Ambien each nap, how many Valium? Three?
And that will average out to about one good hour's sleep
Okay, so now ya see the reason how come he
Has taken four years to just put out an album, B
See, me and you, we almost had the same outcome, Heath
'Cause that Christmas, you know the whole pneumonia thing?
It was bologna, was it the methadone, ya think?
Or the hydrocodone you hide inside your pornos?
Your VCR tape cases, with your Ambien CR
Great places to hide 'em, ain't it? So you can lie to Hailie
I'm going beddy-bye, Whitney, baby; good night, Alaina!
Go in the room and shut the bedroom door
And wake up in an ambulance
They said they found me on the bathroom floor, damn
Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know
Feels like I been down this road before
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me
As soon as I go home and close the door
Kinda feels like déjà vu
I wanna get away from this place, I do
But I can't and I won't, say I try, but I know that's a lie
'Cause I don't and why, I just don't know