k 12 the film
K-12 (The Film)
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Wake up. You’re gonna be late
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Wait. What was my dream again? I remember feeling trapped in rising heat and there were plastic or cardboard cutouts all around me and my gums roots were pushing out my teeth and the voice of a thousand angels said to me, “It’s temporary.” Maybe that should be my mantra as I step into what will inevitably be the worst years of my life. Ah yes, off to a world in which girls are to only wear pink dresses and boys blue pants. Well, I dyed my uniform and embrodied flowers on the sleeves.  Speaking of, I should probably change into my uniform right now. Nah, that shit’s itchy. It can wait
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Oh yea, and in my dream, you know when the air below me was sucking my teeth out of their sockets, I noticed that my front two teeth stayed and the gap between them just kept getting larger and larger. How’s that even possible? I know right? I wish my mom wasn’t passed out right now and could at least drive me to the bus stop
Phillipe? What are you doing in there?
Don’t scare me like that
What was that angel’s name again? Was it Willy or Layla? No, I think it was Lilith
- Feel so sick
- I can’t believe we have to do this
- Do you think we’ll make any friends?
- I hope so, but at least we have each other
- That’s true
- Okay, okay. Stop. Stop
- Seriously? What does it say?
- Real mature
- Aw, sad little baby! Go on!
- Does the bunny wabbit need some tissues?
- I bet she has some in her bra
- It’s okay, just ignore them. Just plastic assholes
- Crybaby, wah-wah!
- Wah-wah! Crybaby!
- Wah-wah! Wah-wah, wah-wah!
- This is K-12
- C’mon! Get up!  What are you doing?
- Ahhhhh...
- We should hang here more often
- It’s so much better up here
- This isn’t real... this isn’t real...
- Should we land this thing?
- Mmmm neh
- I’m gonna jump out this window!
- I don’t know why people are so scared of death
- I agree. It’s just another part of life
- You start in the womb and you end in the tomb
- Wait a second. Where is everybody?
- I don’t know if it’s because it’s cold in here, but I’m getting kind of a creepy chill down my back
- I love it!
- What even was that?
- Scary
- Whnat’s the room number again?
- 222
- 221
- 223
- 222
- Class, would you like to inform Crybaby and Angelita of what rule they did not follow today?
- When the bell rings, you must be in your assigned seat
What are ya deaf? Sit your asses down!
- Sorry Ms. Daphne
- All must stand for the pledge of allegiance
All rise!
- Henry! On your feet!
- I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic
- for which it stands
- I’m being generous with you, boy
- One nation under God
- Last chance to stand
- indivisible
- and show some respect
- with liberty and justice for all
- You hear that? Liberty and justice for all? That’s bullshit
- Grab the boy
- Get this one
- Quiet!
- Get off me! I didn’t do anything!
- Take him to the holding
- Put him in the back. This is what you get
- Angelita?
- I’m over here. Can you hear me?
- Yea, where are you?
- I’m trying to follow your voice
- There you are
- Finally. How do they expect us to sleep in here?
- I don’t know. I am kind of sleepy though
- Well, wake up. I got that thrown at my head
- Who drew this?
- That girl Kelly. I think she’s tryin’ to like rip my head off or something
- Well what are you gonna do? You gotta defend yourself
- I can’t defend myself. I don’t know how to fight, I just, I don’t even know how to do that— Ow!
- Hold it together girl. We are capable of doing whatever we want. Remember?
-No. I can’t, it’s cheating
- Do you really think we’d have these abilities if we weren’t supposed to use them?
- I don’t know. I just feel like I have an unfair advantage
- Well, I don’t know. Why don’t you call your Mom and ask her what she thinks you should do?
-My Mom?
-Mmhmm
-No, it’s okay. She’s probably sleeping right now and honestly Indon’t even think she would pick up the ph— Fine. She’s not going to pick up
- We’ll see
- Did you see what she was wearing? Like it was embarassing for everyone, and, like, I told her. I was trying to be helpful. I gave her advice. I was like, that’s ugly. And she took it like personally. She was getting all mad about it, I was like I’m helping you
-Hey, Kelly?
-Stop. Don’t interrupt me
- Shhh. Still talking
- Yea, I—
- I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t take my advice. I gave really good advice to people and it’s just a, are you even listening to me?
- Watch out!
- Ugh!
- Fight! Fight! Fight!
- Fight! Fight! Fight!
- What the fuck!
- What are you doing? Put me down you freak!
- Would have thought that young ladies like you would know better
- Quit it! My mom spent good money getting these ears done
-You have really blown it this time. Sit down. I mean it
- I shouldn’tve lost control like that. She’s not a bad person, she’s just projecting her insecurities onto me
- She didn’t even leave a mark on me. I broke skin
- You said you dress as a woman now?
- Yes, I’m transitioning. Look—
- Transitioning? No, no I can’t permit you to influence the children with this ridiculous behavior. And so what from now on you want us to adress you as—
- Ms. Harper. Correct. The kids really connect with me. I love my job and I’d really like to stay but I need to be my most authentic self. I am a woman
- A woman? You hear this?
- Mr. Harper you’re fired
 Mmmm
-What are thoes?
- He forces us to take these pills. Each color is a different dosage. I’m on pink. It’s the lightest dose
-Why is he forcing medication on everyone?
-To control us. So we can’t leave
- That’s fucking disgusting
- Idiots! Save him!
- Ew! Gross!
No, no
- Wait!
- Why are you leaving us here?
- We need to come with you
- Continue on and live your truth. Do not hold fear in your heart
- Please. We don’t want to die here
-You’ve had many bodies before this and you’ll continue to have more. You’re immortal
-But we’re exhausted
-We don’t wanna feel this anymore
- We must feel the physical pain of this world because the only way that we can truly learn is through experience
- Please
- Oh no. I’m gonna be late for class
- Who cares at this point
- True. I’m so exhausted
- The same
- Do you hear that?
- I do. I think it’s coming from over here
- Should we check it out?
- Yea. Okay, count of three
-  One, two, three!
- Woah
- Achoo!
-Hello. You all look ravishing
-Be witching even
-We should get to class. Bye
-Okay, see you later. Bye
- Tragedy and comedy. Two sides of the same dramatic coin and we are going to be exploring both in this play. Even the late comers
- Alright everyone. Please turn to your scripts. Look to page two and find the roles to which you’ve been assigned
- Right, so about that. Um, is it possible to get assigned a different role? Maybe one that’s not so domestic? Like a film director? Or the President of the United States
- A harlot perhaps?
- President? What a joke. Your kind are too soft and too sensitive to handle a man’s job
- Having a larger capacity to feel and express emotion are one of the many qualities that make us superior to your kind
- Ahhhhhh!!!
- You’re being brainwashed!
- What is this? What is she doing? Go get her. Go on!
- Can’t you see what’s happening? Open your fucking eyes! Get off of me! Get off! Wake up!
- Wanna go play tennis?
- Ooh yeah
- Finish first draft of ethics essay. A treatise on co-ed education. Boys are the problem
- Celeste, wait up!
- Oh, hey! Umm... Did you guys find a place to dump the principal?
- Yeah, just did it. Done deal
- Perfect
 Did you guys know there are actually two holes down there?
- You didn’t know you had a butthole?
 No, I mean in your vagina. There are two separate holes
- Are you sure?
- Mmhmm
- I think I need to see a doctor
- Hey guys
- Yeah, there’s your urethra and vagina
- You guys
- Oh okay, got it. So, one hole that you can pee out of and the other one that you can—
- Why does no one listen to me? Guys! The ball is floating away
- Oh shit
- The ball! I feel like we’re on the wrong way
- I swear I just saw it
- What’s wrong, my dear?
- I just don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to feel this pain and I don’t want to be here on Earth. Please just take me with you.  I just want to be up there
- The greatest power you will hold is that of acceptance. Any storm you face will transform itself into a crystalline rainbow. In divine timing
- Hey
- Hmm?
- You there?
- Yeah
- You ok?
- Ahh, I feel so sick. Like this is the worst stomach pain I’ve ever experienced
- Ohhhh...
- Ugh, why right now!?
- Well... I mean it had to happen sometime
- It says there’s one tampon left. Do either of you have any change?
- No
- Yes!
- It’s fucking empty. Whatever. Who knows what kind of crazy shit’s in them anyways
- I mean yes, toxic shock is real, but still tampons should be free
- What do I do now?
- Toilet paper
- Mmmph
- You good in there?
- Yeah
- You sure?
- Yeah, I’m almost done
- Need me to get you another roll of toilet paper?
- That’d be great, yeah
- I think I’m going to be late for class
- Empathize with me a little
- I’m sorry
- Ok.  Umm
- Cute sweater. Where’d you get that from?
- Just whipped a little something up. What? I wasn’t going to walk around looking like I sat in raspberries all day
- Get back to class! You little bitch
- You guys. I don’t know how long I can go using this toilet paper method. It’s so annoying. It keeps moving around down there
- Well good thing you won’t have to deal with it much longer
- Thank the Goddess
- Shit. Are you serious? Fuck!
- Uhh... You go ahead. Let me know how it is
- Ok, I’ll cut you
- Hey
- Thank God you’re back! I thought you were busy becoming a plastic carbon copy
- This is Magnolia. Say hi
- Nice to meet you ladies
- Welcome!
- Hi
- Holy shit
- Is she—
- One of us?
- But, how do we even go up to her? She’s sitting with Kelly
- Food fight, anyone?
- Hmmmm
- Hmm
- I like this girl
- Hmm?
- What? So I just throw it?
- Pretty sure that’s how food fights go down
- Yeah, take it, take it, take it
- Ok, fine.  Ok. Three... Two... One... I don’t know
- Just do it already!
- Okay
- Oww!
- Food fight!
- You’re fucking kidding me!
- You’re all heathens!
- I’m gonna get in on this
- Uh uh, not with this hair. I just had wash day
- Okay, so should we go get up to her?
- Get out of my way!
- She’s leaving with Kelly. Let’s go after them
- Yea, let’s just start a parade. No. Crybaby I think you need to do this alone
- Okay. Wish me luck
- Alright, good luck bitch
- So barbaric
- Are you sure I can’t
- If you don’t put that floor spaghetti down
- Man
- Wanna know something I’ve learned about bodies? They don’t define us. We aren’t our bodies. They’re just temporary. I know it seems impossible but try not to expect shallow people to love you. They don’t even have the capacity to understand how amazing you are. And we all have to learn to love ourselves without the approval of others
- I know. It’s just extremely overwhelming when everyone around you is making you feel like you aren’t good enough. As if you’re not deserving the same kind of love if you’re different
- Everyone is deserving of love. Everyone
- Crybaby, over here
- Banana! Eat it! Nanananana!
- This is Fleur
- Lucy! What did we talk about? Don’t touch me
- I know I’m sorry. Isn’t that Crybaby with Fleur over there?
- Ugh!
- It’s crazy over there
- It’s chaotic
 It’s Leo... It’s the principal’s son
- Who started this?
- It was that bitch Crybaby. Behind the counter
- Shut up!
- Okay guys, I think I have a pretty good plan to get us out of this shithole. Angelita I need you to keep everyone in the gym. Keep them in one place and try to keep them quiet—
 I caught a sparkle of light in your eyes that day. I bathed in it, was transported to heaven’s gates by it, but I fall at my feet. My words shall only be composed. I can’t speak. My inner voice calling my outer self weak admiring from afar secretly—
- Crybaby? Earth to Crybaby. Are you in?
- Yea. Sorry
- Your job is to manipulate Satan himself into letting you into his office so we can hijack that loudspeaker and get everyone out of here
- What’s that?
- I think it’s a love letter
- A love letter from who?
- I don’t know. It doesn’t say. 
- Okay guys, back to the plan. We already got rid of the principal, so that just leaves Leo
- We walk into his office, make a run for it and then—
- Set this place on fire?
- Exactly
- I don’t know about that guys
- I agree. Fire’s too cliché
- I mean yea, but at this point, what other options do we have?
- I hope we don’t get caught
- We should be fine. You ever wonder who we were to each other in a past life?
- Oh, for sure. We’ve probably had hundreds of lives together
- You could’ve been my mom
- Yeah, or we could’ve been
- Conjoined twins
- And our parents sold us to a fucking freak show
- That would explain a lot
- That would. It’s crazy how many medical benefits mary jane has
- I know, and no one gives her any credit
- We don’t deserve her
- Wow
- Speaking of magical plants
- You got this. Super easy. Don’t stress. Uh, fuck. You wanna go to the dance? Do you wanna go to the dance with me?
- You alright? Hey
- Hi
- You okay?
- Mmmhmm
- You sure?
- Yea, what’s up?
- Um, I uh, was looking for you because I wanted to ask you. I would like you to go to the dance with me
- Really?
- Yea
- Why?
- I don’t know if you got my note but
- Wait, he wrote the letter? With that poetic touch, I just assumed it must have been written by a girl. Damn, well you know what they say. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer
- I’d love to go with you
- Good
- Cool
- Okay. Great
- Brandon why are you touching her? Why are you touching her? Lucy how could you do this to me, he’s mine. You’re just gonna stand there and watch this happen? I made you. You guys are nothing without me. Ughh
- Ladies, this place looks sort of beautiful don’t you think?
- It’ll make some beautiful ashes
- I’m really nervous. Should we really be doing this?
- It’ll be fine. Tonight’s the night
- Just stick to the plan. I made it. It’s meticulous. You’ll be okay
- Ladies. You know what you’ve gotta do
- Wait. Why is she here?
- Angelita, do you wanna dance with me now?
- Don’t you wanna fuck off now? Ugh
- There is no way in hell you had enough time to get rid of Leo
- Yea, shouldn’t you be up there?
- Where?
- The loudspeaker
- Yea. Why aren’t you up there?
- Okay, so I got asked to the dance by Leo
- What?!
- I know
- Girl. Seriously? You let that monster manipulate you?
- Well—
- Even I didn’t abandon ship this time, and trust me, I wanted to
- I thought we were actually going to get out of this place for good
- Look, I’m sorry. I am. Seriously? Look, I don’t know, I guess I was just—
- Being selfish
- Forget it
- Wait!
- Nope. It’s fine, just let her go. It’s fine
- You fucked up the whole plan. And all for some asshole who doesn’t even like you. Real smart
 Eh, don’t beat yourself up
 -Ow. Ugh
- Good evening and welcome to K-12’s 150th school dance
- This isn’t part of the plan
-Woo! Woo!
- Now, before I let you all get back to dancing all night, quite literally, I would just like to say just one thing. Crybaby. I know what you’ve been up to. I’ve been watching you for a long time now. And did you all think that you could just kill my father, get away with it, have your nice little dance and leave?
- Yes
- I don’t think so Seniors. Not tonight
- The doors are locked
- So dance. Dance!
- Dance!!
- What’s happening?
- What’s going on?
- I mean I can’t stop
- We gotta do something guys. I mean I love dancing but this is kinda ridiculous
- We need to find Crybaby and stop this now
- My powers won’t start. I’ve lost control
- Yea, I can’t use mine neither
- Where is she?
- My legs are killing me
- Hello miss. Can I help you?
- Hi, I’m Lorelai. I’m here to apply for the assistant position
- Um, yea. The assistant position
- Where is she?
- I can’t do this anymore
- Crybaby where are you?
- You know, I’ve always had this fantasy
- What’s that?
- Of getting nailed in a really confined space
- Really?
- Mmhmm
- Well you are in luck. I had a dream like this once
- Me too
- Woah, woah, woah!
- You bitch, let me out.  Hey! Hey!
 Woah!
- Yes! Yes!
- Everybody, evacuate the school immediately. Go, now!
- She’s safe
- Come on, let’s go
 Move, move! Get out, get out!
- Hey, let’s go! Come on!
- Hey! Shit
- What do I do? Oh my god. Think. Think
- Hey! Hi
- Shit! You have to go downstairs
- It’s alright, I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m here to help
- Look, I appreciate that but I really have to—
- I’m Ben. I’m the one who wrote the love letter
- Okay. How do we destroy this place? I don’t know what to do. Do you have any ideas?
- Uh. Do you know how to blow spit bubbles?
- What? What are you talking about? Why?
- We can trap the school. We can lift the school up in a bubble
- I don’t know. Okay, let’s try it
- Where’s Crybaby?
- I don’t know
- Have you guys seen Crybaby?
- No
- That’s— Look
- Are you ready?
- Yea. I mean no. I haven’t really done this before so I can’t—
- Ben. It’s our only option
- Sorry
- We have to try this, okay?
- Okay. You’re right. You’re right
- Woah
- Well, damn
- Pinch me if I’m dreaming. Ow
- Holy shit, we don’t have much time until we’re too high up. We need to jump. Right now. On the count of three
- If we jump, we’ll die
- Fear of death is irrational right now Ben. Either we die in a few minutes, or we attempt to live right now. Okay?
- Now
- Ahhhhh!
- Oh, ahh. What the fuck just happened? That’s it
- Il y a du sang partout
- What does that mean?
- There’s blood everywhere. I don’t really know French. It’s just something I picked up as a kid. Had a French nanny. What?
- Oh my God, it’s Lilith! 
- Guys come on! Are you coming?