The truth of this seemed now to be confirmed by the testimony
of my own senses; but, if the rumour were true, there still existed
another of these animals, who might harbour in the obscurities of this
desert, and against whom it was necessary to employ some precaution. Henceforth I resolved never to traverse the wilderness unfurnished with
my tomahawk. These images, mingled with those which the contemplation of futurity
suggested, floated, for a time, in my brain, but at length gave place to
sleep. Chapter XIII. Since my return home, my mind had been fully occupied by schemes and
reflections relative to Clithero. The project suggested by thee, and to
which I had determined to devote my leisure, was forgotten, or
remembered for a moment and at wide intervals. What, however, was nearly
banished from my waking thoughts, occurred in an incongruous and
half-seen form, to my dreams. During my sleep, the image of Waldegrave
flitted before me. Methought the sentiment that impelled him to visit me
was not affection or complacency, but inquietude and anger. Some service
or duty remained to be performed by me, which I had culpably neglected:
to inspirit my zeal, to awaken my remembrance, and incite me to the
performance of this duty, did this glimmering messenger, this
half-indignant apparition, come. I commonly awake soon enough to mark the youngest dawn of the morning. Now, in consequence perhaps of my perturbed sleep, I opened my eyes
before the stars had lost any of their lustre. This circumstance
produced some surprise, until the images that lately hovered in my fancy
were recalled, and furnished somewhat like a solution of the problem. Connected with the image of my dead friend was that of his sister. The
discourse that took place at our last interview; the scheme of
transcribing, for thy use, all the letters which, during his short but
busy life, I received from him; the nature of this correspondence, and
the opportunity which this employment would afford me of contemplating
these ample and precious monuments of the intellectual existence and
moral pre-eminence of my friend, occurred to my thoughts. The resolution to prosecute the task was revived. The obligation of
benevolence, with regard to Clithero, was not discharged. This, neither
duty nor curiosity would permit to be overlooked or delayed; but why
should my whole attention and activity be devoted to this man? The hours
which were spent at home and in my chamber could not be more usefully
employed than in making my intended copy. In a few hours after sunrise I purposed to resume my way to the
mountain. Could this interval be appropriated to a better purpose than
in counting over my friend's letters, setting them apart from my own,
and preparing them for that transcription from which I expected so high
and yet so mournful a gratification? This purpose, by no violent union, was blended with the recollection of
my dream. This recollection infused some degree of wavering and
dejection into my mind. In transcribing these letters I should violate
pathetic and solemn injunctions frequently repeated by the writer. Was
there some connection between this purpose and the incidents of my
vision? Was the latter sent to enforce the interdictions which had been
formerly imposed? Thou art not fully acquainted with the intellectual history of thy
brother. Some information on that head will be necessary to explain the
nature of that reluctance which I now feel to comply with thy request,
and which had formerly so much excited thy surprise. Waldegrave, like other men early devoted to meditation and books, had
adopted, at different periods, different systems of opinion on topics
connected with religion and morals. His earliest creeds tended to efface
the impressions of his education; to deify necessity and universalize
matter; to destroy the popular distinctions between soul and body, and
to dissolve the supposed connection between the moral condition of man
anterior and subsequent to death. This creed he adopted with all the fulness of conviction, and propagated
with the utmost zeal. Soon after our friendship commenced, fortune
placed us at a distance from each other, and no intercourse was allowed
but by the pen. Our letters, however, were punctual and copious. Those
of Waldegrave were too frequently devoted to the defence of his
favourite tenets. Thou art acquainted with the revolution that afterwards took place in
his mind. Placed within the sphere of religious influence, and listening
daily to the reasonings and exhortations of Mr. S----, whose benign
temper and blameless deportment was a visible and constant lesson, he
insensibly resumed the faith which he had relinquished, and became the
vehement opponent of all that he had formerly defended. The chief object
of his labours, in this new state of his mind, was to counteract the
effect of his former reasonings on my opinions. At this time, other changes took place in his situation, in consequence
of which we were once more permitted to reside under the same roof. The
intercourse now ceased to be by letter, and the subtle and laborious
argumentations which he had formerly produced against religion, and
which were contained in a permanent form, were combated in transient
conversation. He was not only eager to subvert those opinions which he
had contributed to instil into me, but was anxious that the letters and
manuscripts which had been employed in their support should be
destroyed. He did not fear wholly or chiefly on my own account. He
believed that the influence of former reasonings on my faith would be
sufficiently eradicated by the new; but he dreaded lest these
manuscripts might fall into other hands, and thus produce mischiefs
which it would not be in his power to repair. With regard to me, the
poison had been followed by its antidote; but with respect to others,
these letters would communicate the poison when the antidote could not
be administered. I would not consent to this sacrifice. I did not entirely abjure the
creed which had, with great copiousness and eloquence, been defended in
these letters. Besides, mixed up with abstract reasonings were
numberless passages which elucidated the character and history of my
friend. These were too precious to be consigned to oblivion; and to take
them out of their present connection and arrangement would be to
mutilate and deform them. His entreaties and remonstrances were earnest and frequent, but always
ineffectual. He had too much purity of motives to be angry at my
stubbornness; but his sense of the mischievous tendency of these letters
was so great, that my intractability cost him many a pang. He was now gone, and I had not only determined to preserve these
monuments, but had consented to copy them for the use of another; for
the use of one whose present and eternal welfare had been the chief
object of his cares and efforts. Thou, like others of thy sex, art
unaccustomed to metaphysical refinements.