But has she done so, or shall we, for the honour
of human nature, discover that she went to a neighbouring chemist's, and
only purchased some dreadfully powerful medicinal compound, which she
placed in the half-and-half, and which began to give those pangs to Big
Ben, the beef-eater, and to Mr. Oakley, concerning which they were both
so eloquent? This must have been the case; for Mrs. Oakley could not
have been such a fiend in a human guise as to laugh as she passed the
chemist's shop. Oh no! she might not have felt remorse, but that is a
very different thing, indeed, from laughing at the matter, unless it
were really laughable and not serious, at all. Big Ben and Mr. Oakley
must have at length found out how they had been hoaxed, and the most
probable thing was that the before-mentioned chemist himself told them;
for they sent for him in order to know if anything could be done to save
their lives. Ben from that day forthwith made a determination that he
would not visit Mr. Oakley, and the next time they met he said--

"I tell you what it is, that old hag, your wife, is one too many for us,
that's a fact; she gets the better of me altogether--so, whenever you
feels a little inclined for a gossip about old times, just you come down
to the Tower." "I will, Ben." "Do; we can always find something to drink, and you can amuse yourself,
too, by looking at the animals. Remember, feeding time is two o'clock;
so, now and then, I shall expect to see you, and, above all, be sure you
let me know if that canting parson, Lupin, comes any more to your
house." "I will, Ben." "Ah, do; and I'll give him another lesson if he should, and I tell you
how I'll do it. I'll get a free admission to the wild _beastesses_ in
the Tower, and when he comes to see 'em, for them 'ere sort of fellows
always goes everywhere they can go for nothing, I'll just manage to pop
him into a cage along of some of the most _cantankerous_ creatures as we
have." "But would not that be dangerous?" "Oh dear no! we has a laughing hyaena as would frighten him out of his
wits; but I don't think as he'd bite him much, do you know. He's as
playful as a kitten, and very fond of standing on his head." "Well, then, Ben, I have, of course, no objection, although I do think
that the lesson you have already given to the reverend gentleman will
and ought to be fully sufficient for all purposes, and I don't expect we
shall see him again." "But how does Mrs. O. behave to you?" asked Ben. "Well, Ben, I don't think there's much difference; sometimes she's a
little civil, and sometimes she ain't; it's just as she takes it into
her head." "Ah! that all comes of marrying." "I have often wondered, though, Ben, that you never married." Ben gave a
chuckle as he replied--

"Have you though, really? Well, Cousin Oakley, I don't mind telling you,
but the real fact is, once I was very near being served out in that sort
of way." "Indeed!" "Yes. I'll tell you how it was; there was a girl called Angelina Day,
and a nice-looking enough creature she was as you'd wish to see, and
didn't seem as if she'd got any claws at all; leastways she kept them
in, like a cat at meal times." "Upon my word, Ben, you have a great knowledge of the world." "I believe you, I have! Haven't I been brought up among the wild beasts
in the Tower all my life? That's the place to get a knowledge of the
world in, my boy. I ought to know a thing or two, and in course I does." "Well, but how was it, Ben, that you did not marry this Angelina you
speak of?" "I'll tell you; she thought she had me as safe as a hare in a trap, and
she was as amiable as a lump of cotton. You'd have thought, to look at
her, that she did nothing but smile; and, to hear her, that she said
nothing but nice, mild, pleasant things, and I really began to think as
I had found out the proper sort of animal." "But you were mistaken?" "I believe you, I was. One day I'd been there to see her, I mean, at her
father's house, and she'd been as amiable as she could be; I got up to
go away, with a determination that the next time I got there I would ask
her to say yes, and when I had got a little way out of the garden of the
house where they lived--it was out of town some distance--I found I had
left my little walking-cane behind me, so I goes back to get it, and
when I got into the garden I heard a voice." "Whose voice?" "Why Angelina's, to be sure; she was speaking to a poor little dab of a
servant they had; and oh, my eye! how she did rap out, to be sure! Such
a speech as I never heard in all my life. She went on a matter of ten
minutes without stopping, and every other word was some ill name or
another; and her voice--oh, gracious! it was like a bundle of wire all
of a tangle--it was." "And what did you do, then, upon making such a discovery as that in so
very odd and unexpected a manner?" "Do! What do you suppose I did?" "I really cannot say, as you are rather an eccentric fellow." "Well then, I'll tell you. I went up to the house, and just popped in my
head, and says I, 'Angelina, I find out that all cats have claws after
all; good evening, and no more from your humble servant, who don't mind
the job of taming any wild animal but a woman;' and then off I walked,
and I never heard of her afterwards." "Ah, Ben, it's true enough! You never know them beforehand; but after a
little time, as you say, then out come the claws." "They does--they does." "And I suppose you since, then, made up your mind to be a bachelor for
the rest of your life, Ben?" "Of course I did. After such experience as that, I should have deserved
all I got, and no mistake, I can tell you; and if ever you catches me
paying any attention to a female woman, just put me in mind of Angelina
Day, and you'll see how I shall be off at once like a shot." "Ah!" said Mr. Oakley, with a sigh, "everybody, Ben, aint born with your
good luck, I can tell you. You are a most fortunate man, Ben, and that's
a fact. You must have been born under some lucky planet I think, Ben, or
else you never would have had such a warning as you have had about the
claws. I found 'em out, Ben, but it was a deal too late; so I had only
to put up with my fate, and put the best face I could upon the matter." "Yes, that's what learned folks call--what's its
name--fill--fill--something." "Philosophy, I suppose you mean, Ben." "Ah, that's it--you must put up with what you can't help, it means, I
take it. It's a fine name for saying you must grin and bear it." "I suppose that is about the truth, Ben." It cannot, however, be exactly said that the little incident connected
with Mr. Lupin had no good effect upon Mrs. Oakley, for it certainly
shook most alarmingly her confidence in that pious individual.