I
shudder at my situation when I retire at night, and place, for the first
time _with my own hands_, the lamp on the miserable hearth; but I laugh
when, in the morning, I attire myself in fantastic rags, discolour my
face, and modulate my accent, so that the people in the house, (where I
tenant a garret), when they meet me on the stairs, do not know the being
they saw the preceding evening. I change my abode and costume every day. Feel no fears for me, but come every evening to the door in the passage,
for every evening I shall have fresh intelligence for you. My industry
is indefatigable, my zeal unquenchable, my heart and soul are on fire in
the cause. Again I pledge myself, soul and body, never to quit this spot
till you are free,--_depend on me, Alonzo_.”

  (4) Something between a bully and a rake. “I will spare you, Sir, the detail of the feelings,--feelings! Oh my
God, pardon me the prostration of heart with which I kissed those lines,
with which I could have consecrated the hand that traced them, and which
are worthy only to be devoted to the image of the great Sacrifice. Yet a
being so young, so generous, so devoted, with a heart at once so wild
and warm, sacrificing all that rank, and youth, and pleasure could
offer,--submitting to the vilest disguises, undergoing the most
deplorable privations, struggling with what must have been most
intolerable to a proud voluptuous boy, (and I knew he was all this),
hiding his revoltings under a gaiety that was assumed, and a magnanimity
that was real--and all this for me!----Oh what I felt! * * * * * *

“The next evening I was at the door; no paper appeared, though I sat
watching for it till the declining light made it impossible for me to
discover it, had it been there. The next I was more fortunate; it
appeared. The same disguised voice whispered “Alonzo,” in tones that
were the sweetest music that ever reached my ears. This billet contained
but a very few lines, (so I found no difficulty in _swallowing it_
immediately after perusal). It said, “I have found a Jew, at last, who
will advance me a large sum. He pretends not to know me, though I am
satisfied he does.--But his usurious interest and illegal practices are
my full security. I shall be master of the means of liberating you in a
few days; and I have been fortunate enough to discover how those means
may be applied. There is a wretch----”

“Here the billet ended; and for four following evenings the state of the
repairs excited so much curiosity in the convent, (where it is so easy
to excite curiosity), that I dared not to remain in the passage, without
the fear of exciting suspicion. All this time I suffered not only the
agony of suspended hope, but the dread of this accidental communication
being finally closed; for I knew the workmen could not have more than a
few days to employ on their task. This I conveyed the intelligence of to
my brother in the same way in which I received his billets. Then I
reproached myself for hurrying him. I reflected on the difficulties of
his concealment--of his dealing with Jews--of his bribing the servants
of the convent. I thought of all he had undertaken, and all he had
undergone. Then I dreaded that all might be in vain. I would not live
over those four days again to be sovereign of the earth. I will give you
one slight proof of what I must have felt, when I heard the workmen say,
“It will be finished soon.” I used to rise at an hour before matins,
displace the stones, trample on the mortar, which I mingled with the
clay, so as to render it totally useless; and finally, _re-act
Penelope’s web_ with such success, that the workmen believed the devil
himself was obstructing their operations, and latterly never came to
their task unless armed with a vessel of holy water, which they dashed
about with infinite sanctimony and profusion. On the fifth evening I
caught the following lines beneath the door. “All is settled--I have
fixed the Jew on _Jewish terms_. He affects to be ignorant of my real
rank, and certain (_future_) wealth, but he knows it all, and dare not,
for his own sake, betray me. The Inquisition, to which I could expose
him in a moment, is my best security--I must add, my _only_. There is a
wretch in your convent, who took sanctuary from _parricide_, and
consented to become a monk, to escape the vengeance of heaven in this
life at least. I have heard, that this monster cut his own father’s
throat, as he sat at supper, to obtain a small sum which he had lost at
gambling. His partner, who was a loser also, had, it seems, made a vow
to an image of the Virgin, that was in the neighbourhood of the wretched
house where they gamed, to present two wax tapers before it in the event
of his success. He lost; and, in the fury of a gamester, as he repassed
the image, he struck and spit at it. This was very shocking--but what
was it to the crime of him who is now an inmate of your convent? The one
defaced an image, the other murdered his father: Yet the former expired
under tortures the most horrible, and the other, after some vain efforts
to elude justice, _took sanctuary_, and is now a lay-brother in your
convent. On the crimes of this wretch I build all my hopes. His soul
must be saturated with avarice, sensuality, and desperation. There is
nothing he will hesitate at if he be bribed;--for money he will
undertake your liberation--for money he will undertake to strangle you
in your cell. He envies Judas the thirty pieces of silver for which the
Redeemer of mankind was sold. _His_ soul might be purchased at
half-price. Such is the instrument with which I must work.--It is
horrible, but necessary. I have read, that from the most venomous
reptiles and plants, have been extracted the most sanative medicines. I
will squeeze the juice, and trample on the weed. “Alonzo, tremble not at these words. Let not your habits prevail over
your character. Entrust your liberation to me, and the instruments I am
compelled to work with; and doubt not, that the hand which traces these
lines, will soon be clasping that of a brother in freedom.”

“I read these lines over and over again in the solitude of my cell, when
the excitement of watching for, secreting, and perusing it _for the
first time_, were over, and many doubts and fears began to gather round
me like twilight clouds. In proportion as Juan’s confidence increased,
mine appeared to diminish. There was a terrifying contrast between the
fearlessness, independence, and enterprise of _his_ situation, and the
loneliness, timidity, and danger of mine. While the hope of escape,
through his courage and address, still burnt like an inextinguishable
light in the depth of my heart, I still dreaded entrusting my destiny to
a youth so impetuous, though so affectionate; one who had fled from his
parents’ mansion, was living by subterfuge and imposture in Madrid, and
had engaged, as his coadjutor, a wretch whom nature must revolt from. Upon whom and what did my hopes of liberation rest?