These
circumstances alone would have rendered it more eligible than any other,
but it had additional and far more powerful recommendations, arising
from the character of Mrs. Lorimer, and from the relation in which she
allowed me to stand to her. How shall I enter upon this theme? How shall I expatiate upon
excellencies which it was my fate to view in their genuine colours, to
adore with an immeasurable and inextinguishable ardour, and which,
nevertheless, it was my hateful task to blast and destroy? Yet I will
not be spared. I shall find, in the rehearsal, new incitements to
sorrow. I deserve to be supreme in misery, and will not be denied the
full measure of a bitter retribution. No one was better qualified to judge of her excellencies. A casual
spectator might admire her beauty, and the dignity of her demeanour. From the contemplation of those, he might gather motives for loving or
revering her. Age was far from having withered her complexion, or
destroyed the evenness of her skin; but no time could rob her of the
sweetness and intelligence which animated her features. Her habitual
beneficence was bespoken in every look. Always in search of occasions
for doing good, always meditating scenes of happiness, of which she was
the author, or of distress, for which she was preparing relief, the most
torpid insensibility was, for a time, subdued, and the most depraved
smitten by charms of which, in another person, they would not perhaps
have been sensible. A casual visitant might enjoy her conversation, might applaud the
rectitude of her sentiments, the richness of her elocution, and her
skill in all the offices of politeness. But it was only for him who
dwelt constantly under the same roof, to mark the inviolable consistency
of her actions and opinions, the ceaseless flow of her candour, her
cheerfulness, and her benevolence. It was only for one who witnessed her
behaviour at all hours, in sickness and in health, her management of
that great instrument of evil and good, money, her treatment of her son,
her menials, and her kindred, rightly to estimate her merits. The intercourse between us was frequent, but of a peculiar kind. My
office in her family required me often to see her, to submit schemes to
her consideration, and receive her directions. At these times she
treated me in a manner in some degree adapted to the difference of rank
and the inferiority of my station, and yet widely dissimilar from that
which a different person would have adopted in the same circumstances. The treatment was not that of an equal and a friend, but still more
remote was it from that of a mistress. It was merely characterized by
affability and condescension, but as such it had no limits. She made no scruple to ask my counsel in every pecuniary affair, to
listen to my arguments, and decide conformably to what, after sufficient
canvassings and discussions, should appear to be right. When the direct
occasions of our interview were dismissed, I did not of course withdraw. To detain or dismiss me was indeed at her option; but, if no engagement
interfered, she would enter into general conversation. There was none
who could with more safety to herself have made the world her confessor;
but the state of society in which she lived imposed certain limitations
on her candour. In her intercourse with me there were fewer restraints
than on any other occasion. My situation had made me more intimately
acquainted with domestic transactions, with her views respecting her
son, and with the terms on which she thought proper to stand with those
whom old acquaintance or kindred gave some title to her good offices. In
addition to all those motives to a candid treatment of me, there were
others which owed their efficacy to her maternal regard for me, and to
the artless and unsuspecting generosity of her character. Her hours were distributed with the utmost regularity, and appropriated
to the best purposes. She selected her society without regard to any
qualities but probity and talents. Her associates were numerous, and her
evening conversations embellished with all that could charm the senses
or instruct the understanding. This was a chosen field for the display
of her magnificence; but her grandeur was unostentatious, and her
gravity unmingled with haughtiness. From these my station excluded me;
but I was compensated by the freedom of her communications in the
intervals. She found pleasure in detailing to me the incidents that
passed on those occasions, in rehearsing conversations and depicting
characters. There was an uncommon portion of dramatic merit in her
recitals, besides valuable and curious information. One uniform effect
was produced in me by this behaviour. Each day I thought it impossible
for my attachment to receive any new accessions, yet the morrow was sure
to produce some new emotion of respect or of gratitude, and to set the
unrivalled accomplishments of this lady in a new and more favourable
point of view. I contemplated no change in my condition. The necessity
of change, whatever were the alternative, would have been a subject of
piercing regret. I deemed my life a cheap sacrifice in her cause. No
time would suffice to discharge the debt of gratitude that was due to
her. Yet it was continually accumulating. If an anxious thought ever
invaded my bosom, it arose from this source. It was no difficult task faithfully to execute the functions assigned to
me. No merit could accrue to me from this source. I was exposed to no
temptation. I had passed the feverish period of youth. No contagious
example had contaminated my principles. I had resisted, the allurements
of sensuality and dissipation incident to my age. My dwelling was in
pomp and splendour. I had amassed sufficient to secure me, in case of
unforeseen accidents, in the enjoyment of competence. My mental
resources were not despicable, and the external means of intellectual
gratification were boundless. I enjoyed an unsullied reputation. My
character was well known in that sphere which my lady occupied, not only
by means of her favourable report, but in numberless ways in which it
was my fortune to perform personal services to others. Chapter V.


Mrs. Lorimer had a twin-brother. Nature had impressed the same image
upon them, and had modelled them after the same pattern. The resemblance
between them was exact to a degree almost incredible. In infancy and
childhood they were perpetually liable to be mistaken for each other. As
they grew up, nothing, to a superficial examination, appeared to
distinguish them, but the sexual characteristics. A sagacious observer
would, doubtless, have noted the most essential differences. In all
those modifications of the features which are produced by habits and
sentiments, no two persons were less alike.