"In fact," remarked Mr. Crucible, "there is every reason to believe that
the old lady was d----"

A storm had for some time past been gathering overhead, and just then a
terrific clap of thunder prevented the conclusion of Mr. Crucible's
sentence from being audible. "Lauk-a-daisy-me! what a peal!" exclaimed Dame Hearty. "It was enough to
shake the house down. I'm terrible frightened of thunder. It makes me
feel alloverish like." "I shouldn't wonder," suggested Mr. Blackdeed, "if old Madge on her
broomstick should be riding overhead. Just go out and see, Dame Hearty,
will you?" "Not I, sir, not for the world," quoth our hostess. "And pray don't talk
of that horrible person in such weather, or I shall go off in a fit. Already I begin to fancy I see her before me, with her nose and chin
meeting like a lobster's claws, with hardly room enough between them for
a decent-sized hazel nut. "How I can call to mind, too, her grizzly beard, like a well-used
scrubbing brush, that left you in doubt as to whether she really could
belong to our sex! Then her beetle brows overhanging her sockets like a
dragoon's moustache, and all but concealing her small deeply-sunk and
viperish eyes, which gleamed with envy, hatred, malice, and all
uncharitableness." "There, did you see that flash!" exclaimed Dr. Bleedem. "Just wait a
moment; here it comes." A second tremendous crash resounded, causing the window panes to
revibrate and the whole house to rock to its foundations. "Lord have mercy upon us!" cried the hostess in extreme terror. "That is a judgment sent on you by old Madge for speaking ill of her,"
said Professor Cyanite. "Oh! hold your tongue, naughty man, do," said our hostess, half
playfully, half in terror. "Here comes the rain in torrents. How it
pours! Well, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I've got to attend to the
house." "Certainly," cried several members at once, "and many thanks for your
very interesting story." Our hostess curtseyed, said they were very welcome, and left the room. FOOTNOTES:

[20] A better simile would be "as if charged with electricity," or "like
sparks emitted from an electric machine," as this case, which is founded
on fact, and which, together with other similar phenomena, is probably
of electric origin. (_Vide_ Mrs. CROW'S "Nightside of Nature.") Yet we
must bear in mind that we are speaking at a time before electricity
created that furor in the world that succeeded the discoveries of
Benjamin Franklin, and that it is only an unsophisticated country
landlady who is speaking, whose science goes no further than the making
of an apple pudding, roasting a leg of mutton, or frying a beefsteak. [Illustration]


CHAPTER V.

IN WHICH OCCURS MR. PARNASSUS' BALLAD--THE CHIEFTAIN'S DESTINY. "Wretched weather, eh?" remarked Mr. Oldstone. "We shall have to call
for lights soon. Here, Cyanite, a game of chess, what do you say? A
story from whom ever loses." "Thank you," replied the Professor, "but I have a letter to write which
is of some importance." "Come now, Crucible, have at _you_," quoth Oldstone. "I have not played for years," replied Crucible, "and as I have no story
wherewith to pay the penalty and am consequently out of practice and
sure to lose and----"

"What do you say, Blackdeed?" asked Oldstone. "Well, to say the truth," answered the chemist, "I find myself much in
the same position as my friend Mr. Crucible, for were I to lose, an
event which amounts to a dead certainty, I am perfectly sure I should
not be able to pay the forfeit, even if I were to be imprisoned for
it." "Perhaps you'll oblige me, Hardcase," said the antiquary. "Another time, thank you, Oldstone," replied the lawyer; "but the fact
is that I've promised Bleedem a game of cards." "Well really, gentlemen, I don't know what has come over you all," said
Mr. Oldstone. "Perhaps Mr. Parnassus will oblige me, as nobody else
will." "Well, I never piqued myself upon being much of a chess-player," replied
Parnassus, "but as the other gentlemen have refused, and I have nothing
particular to do, I don't mind doing you a favour, and if I lose and
don't happen to recollect a story, well I must owe it you." "Agreed," said Oldstone. "Draw your chair to the table and set the
board." The game began. Hardcase and Bleedem also had taken their seats and
commenced theirs. Professor Cyanite retired to write his letter, whilst
Messrs. Blackdeed and Crucible drew their chairs up to the fire and
talked politics. A stillness reigned through the club as the last-mentioned gentlemen
conversed together in a low tone and the rest remained absorbed in their
several occupations. Suddenly, in the midst of this unusual silence, the
triumphant voice of Mr. Oldstone was heard to cry out the magic word,
"check-mate." "Now then, Parnassus, my boy," said he, rubbing his hands, "a story, you
know; there's no getting out of it. Give us a little ode or ballad like
that you gave us once before, on the night of our grand saturnalia." "When I can think of one and a propitious moment presents itself, I am
at your service, but these gentlemen, you see, are otherwise occupied;
besides, here comes Helen to lay the cloth for supper." "Well, Helen," cried Mr. Oldstone, "and what has become of your
enamoured portrait painter?" "Mr. McGuilp?" inquired Helen, blushing deeply. "Is he not here? I left
him some time ago cleaning his palette and brushes." "Ah! here he comes at last," exclaimed Crucible, halting in the middle
of his politics. "Lucky dog! to be able to have so much beauty all to
himself." "Well, if he _has_ had Helen to himself all this time, we've had a story
during his absence," said the antiquary. "Ah, but so have we," said McGuilp. "Haven't we Helen?" "Yes, we have indeed, and a long one," replied Helen. "The deuce you have," said Crucible. "Upon my word, Mr. McGuilp, I think
that's hardly fair; first robbing us of our lady and then telling her a
story all to yourself, from which we are debarred." "Come now," retorted McGuilp, "are we not quits? Have you already
forgotten my story of the 'Scharfrichter,' with which I purchased a
sitting from Helen? If Helen and I have had a story together from which
you have been shut out, at least you have had one that we have not
enjoyed." "Yes, Crucible, I think it is all fair," said Oldstone, backing up his
young friend. The cloth now being laid, the members drew their chairs to the table,
and the supper went off amidst laughter and jovial conversation. The
bottle went round a few times at the last before the cloth was finally
cleared, when each drew round the fire, which was now blazing fiercely,
our host having just put on a fresh log, and each lighting his pipe,
waited, according to custom, for someone to broach a new story. "Now, Parnassus, my boy," said Oldstone, "we are quite ready for your
story. What is it to be?" "Well then, gentlemen, since I must pay my forfeit, I will, according to
a wish expressed by Mr. Oldstone, sing you a little ballad of my own
composing."