He would praise me to his
friends and before my face, but his eulogium of myself lasted only
during the time I lived with him--namely, before he sent me to school,
for at school a great change came over me, and my uncle noticed with
regret upon my return for the holidays the growing coolness in me
towards a sea-faring life; in fact, that my tastes had begun to develop
themselves in quite another direction. Away from the influence of my guardian, I had dared to breath in a new
atmosphere, and to find out that there were other walks in life quite as
noble, and to me much more fascinating than that of the sea. The term
"landlubber" conveyed no disparagement to my ears now. I merely saw in
it the venting of the spleen of an egotistical and narrow mind. How
paltry that class of men must be which speaks with disparagement of all
others who do not happen to be within its own narrow circle. I was ashamed of myself for ever having been led away by such false
opinions, and had many a hot dispute with my guardian about his
illiberal notions. Now, the admiral had a temper of his own; he was not
a man accustomed to be thwarted. He had made up his mind that I was to
go to sea, and to sea he was determined to send me, whether I willed it
or no. I was now about fourteen, and since I had been away from home I had
imbibed strong notions of independence. I did not see that any man had a
right to dispose of me as he thought fit. I felt myself a free agent,
and my youthful blood rose at the cool way in which my uncle thought to
bend me to his will. Had I not the right to seek my own walk in life? Was I to be baulked of my true avocation because I was told that my
interest lay elsewhere? Interest! Bah! I despised interest. My uncle promised me that if I went to sea he would leave all his
fortune to me, as I was his heir, and if I refused, he would not leave
me a groat. What then? I had a small income left me by my father when I
should come of age, which was enough to keep me like a gentleman. What
did I want with the old admiral's money? I was not going to sell myself
for filthy lucre. It was whispered that the old man had amassed a considerable fortune,
and I should be called a fool by the world to quarrel with him. But was
my will to be bought with gold? I was grateful to him for what he had
already done for me, and I never wished to quarrel with him; but when I
saw that he expected as a proof of my gratitude I should humour his whim
by sacrificing my highest ambition in life to follow a profession I now
really cared nothing about, I felt it my duty to rebel against my
guardian and choose my own course. I felt myself born for something better than a sea-faring life. The sea
might be very well for those who had a taste for it, or for those who
were fit for nothing else. Besides, sailors are generally such ignorant
people, and I flattered myself that I had a mind to cultivate and
resolved to devote myself to study. My hobby was science, and the branch I was chiefly anxious to excel in,
chemistry. I believe the first thing that fired my imagination to
pursue this delightful science was the reading a book lent me by a
friend, entitled, "Lives of the Alchemists." From this I learned how
many clever men had devoted their lives and fortunes in pursuit of the
philosopher's stone. I do not remember reading any of them actually
_did_ make gold; but the perseverance and energy of these men! There was
something sublime in a man of means giving up the wealth and luxury of
his position to follow science. How I loved to read of these persevering
sages, of their trials and disappointments, and how, heedless of all
vicissitudes, they still pursued to the last with unflagging energy that
science that they alone lived for. I had no doubt that in early times
there was an immensity of superstition mingled with their science. Nevertheless, thought I, is it possible that so many clever men should
have wasted their whole lives in study and have been just upon the point
of discovering the secret if there were really nothing in it at all? I
inquired of a chemist in our town whether he believed in the possibility
of making gold. He told me that he did not; but then a learned man with
whom I once conversed said that he was of opinion that it _was_
possible, but added that if the secret were discovered it would
certainly be valueless. I preferred leaning towards the opinion of the learned man who believed
in the possibility of making gold out of baser metals, and resolved to
give the study of my life to the discovery of the secret without
letting others know what I was striving after. It happened that the chemist of our town whose opinion I had consulted
as to the probability of success in alchemy sent his son, with whom I
was rather intimate, to the same school as my guardian had put me at. He
was a lad of my own years, and shared my taste for study. Having much in
common, we soon struck up a warm friendship, which lasted for many
years; in fact, until his death, some fifteen years back. I may assert
that he was the only friend I ever had in my youth, for I was a reserved
lad, and did not court friendship. He, too, was reserved, and sought no
other friend but myself. We were always in each other's company, and used to be nicknamed Castor
and Pollux by the other boys. They could none of them understand why we
two withdrew ourselves from the rest and refused to join in their games,
and they wondered much what we found to talk about one to the other. We
were both looked upon as unsociable, and accordingly disliked. We both of us had high aspirations, and each of us felt the value of his
existence, and that high honours awaited him in posterity, if not in
this life, provided that he made the best use of his abilities. We might
each of us have been about fifteen, when we swore an eternal friendship,
and likewise to keep secret from others the nature of our studies. When
I returned home from school for good--being then about seventeen--my
uncle the admiral was in despair at finding me more than ever confirmed
in my views of a studious life, and said I had disappointed his hopes,
and that I need henceforth hope for no help from him. A gentleman who visited my uncle, and who seemed to take an interest in
me, seeing that I was a young man of some promise, advised me to go to a
German university, and recommended to me the university of Jena. He took upon himself to remonstrate with my guardian upon what he called
his harsh treatment of myself, and told him that he had no right to
force me against my true calling, but his words were as wind in the
admiral's ears, for he was as obstinate as a mule. "Do you mean to tell me, sir," said the admiral, "that my boy can't be
made a sailor of, if he is only properly brought up?" "Yes," said his friend; "it is precisely that point I wish to discuss.