Why then should I scruple
to lay down my life in the cause of virtue and humanity? It is better to
die in the consciousness of having offered an heroic sacrifice, to die
by a speedy stroke, than by the perverseness of nature, in ignominious
inactivity and lingering agonies. These considerations determined me to hasten to the city. To mention my
purpose to the Hadwins would be useless or pernicious. It would only
augment the sum of their present anxieties. I should meet with a
thousand obstacles in the tenderness and terror of Eliza, and in the
prudent affection of her father. Their arguments I should be condemned
to hear, but should not be able to confute; and should only load myself
with imputations of perverseness and temerity. But how else should I explain my absence? I had hitherto preserved my
lips untainted by prevarication or falsehood. Perhaps there was no
occasion which would justify an untruth; but here, at least, it was
superfluous or hurtful. My disappearance, if effected without notice or
warning, will give birth to speculation and conjecture; but my true
motives will never be suspected, and therefore will excite no fears. My
conduct will not be charged with guilt. It will merely be thought upon
with some regret, which will be alleviated by the opinion of my safety,
and the daily expectation of my return. But, since my purpose was to search out Wallace, I must be previously
furnished with directions to the place of his abode, and a description
of his person. Satisfaction on this head was easily obtained from Mr.
Hadwin; who was prevented from suspecting the motives of my curiosity,
by my questions being put in a manner apparently casual. He mentioned
the street, and the number of the house. I listened with surprise. It was a house with which I was already
familiar. He resided, it seems, with a merchant. Was it possible for me
to be mistaken? What, I asked, was the merchant's name? _Thetford._

This was a confirmation of my first conjecture. I recollected the
extraordinary means by which I had gained access to the house and
bedchamber of this gentleman. I recalled the person and appearance of
the youth by whose artifices I had been entangled in the snare. These
artifices implied some domestic or confidential connection between
Thetford and my guide. Wallace was a member of the family. Could it be
he by whom I was betrayed? Suitable questions easily obtained from Hadwin a description of the
person and carriage of his nephew. Every circumstance evinced the
identity of their persons. Wallace, then, was the engaging and sprightly
youth whom I had encountered at Lesher's; and who, for purposes not
hitherto discoverable, had led me into a situation so romantic and
perilous. I was far from suspecting that these purposes were criminal. It was easy
to infer that his conduct proceeded from juvenile wantonness and a love
of sport. My resolution was unaltered by this disclosure; and, having
obtained all the information which I needed, I secretly began my
journey. My reflections, on the way, were sufficiently employed in tracing the
consequences of my project; in computing the inconveniences and dangers
to which I was preparing to subject myself; in fortifying my courage
against the influence of rueful sights and abrupt transitions; and in
imagining the measures which it would be proper to pursue in every
emergency. Connected as these views were with the family and character of
Thetford, I could not but sometimes advert to those incidents which
formerly happened. The mercantile alliance between him and Welbeck was
remembered; the allusions which were made to the condition of the latter
in the chamber-conversation of which I was an unsuspected auditor; and
the relation which these allusions might possess with subsequent
occurrences. Welbeck's property was forfeited. It had been confided to
the care of Thetford's brother. Had the cause of this forfeiture been
truly or thoroughly explained? Might not contraband articles have been
admitted through the management or under the connivance of the brothers? and might not the younger Thetford be furnished with the means of
purchasing the captured vessel and her cargo,--which, as usual, would be
sold by auction at a fifth or tenth of its real value? Welbeck was not alive to profit by the detection of this artifice,
admitting these conclusions to be just. My knowledge will be useless to
the world; for by what motives can I be influenced to publish the truth? or by whom will my single testimony be believed, in opposition to that
plausible exterior, and, perhaps, to that general integrity, which
Thetford has maintained? To myself it will not be unprofitable. It is a
lesson on the principles of human nature; on the delusiveness of
appearances; on the perviousness of fraud; and on the power with which
nature has invested human beings over the thoughts and actions of each
other. Thetford and his frauds were dismissed from my thoughts, to give place
to considerations relative to Clemenza Lodi, and the money which chance
had thrown into my possession. Time had only confirmed my purpose to
restore these bills to the rightful proprietor, and heightened my
impatience to discover her retreat. I reflected, that the means of doing
this were more likely to suggest themselves at the place to which I was
going than elsewhere. I might, indeed, perish before my views, in this
respect, could be accomplished. Against these evils I had at present no
power to provide. While I lived, I would bear perpetually about me the
volume and its precious contents. If I died, a superior power must
direct the course of this as of all other events. CHAPTER XV. These meditations did not enfeeble my resolution, or slacken my pace. In
proportion as I drew near the city, the tokens of its calamitous
condition became more apparent. Every farm-house was filled with
supernumerary tenants, fugitives from home, and haunting the skirts of
the road, eager to detain every passenger with inquiries after news. The
passengers were numerous; for the tide of emigration was by no means
exhausted. Some were on foot, bearing in their countenances the tokens
of their recent terror, and filled with mournful reflections on the
forlornness of their state. Few had secured to themselves an asylum;
some were without the means of paying for victuals or lodging for the
coming night; others, who were not thus destitute, yet knew not whither
to apply for entertainment, every house being already overstocked with
inhabitants, or barring its inhospitable doors at their approach. Families of weeping mothers and dismayed children, attended with a few
pieces of indispensable furniture, were carried in vehicles of every
form. The parent or husband had perished; and the price of some movable,
or the pittance handed forth by public charity, had been expended to
purchase the means of retiring from this theatre of disasters, though
uncertain and hopeless of accommodation in the neighbouring districts.