"I was infinitely amused at the fright and discomfiture of these lawless
ruffians, and at another time should have laughed heartily at their
sudden dispersion, but my rage at having been imposed upon, and the
thoughts of vengeance I harboured against my false friend somewhat
damped my mirth. No sooner were the brigands safely out of the church
than Peppe, who was now sufficiently wide awake to comprehend the
situation, after closing the church doors carefully, proceeded to spread
a large handkerchief on the ground and to collect together all the gold
and silver that had rolled about into every corner of the church, and
which I've no doubt he thought he alone was entitled to. "It was at this moment that I made a sudden burst from the confessional,
and rushing towards him, seized him by the throat. "'Villain!' I cried, 'your imposture is found out. Was it thus you hoped
to swindle me out of my three pauls?' "'Ah, friend Antonio,' exclaimed he, quite unmoved, 'is it you? Now I am
glad that with your own eyes you have witnessed the miracle that the
saints have wrought upon me in order to enable me to pay back the debt I
owe to my best friend.' "'Liar!' cried I; 'blaspheme not. Think not to impose on me again. Give
me my three pauls at once.' "'Three pauls!' he exclaimed. 'How on earth should I possess so
contemptible a sum? Come, sit down here, and we will divide this goodly
treasure between us.' "Now, I knew that I had just as much right to the treasure as my friend,
since it remained unclaimed, and therefore to divide it between us was
nothing more than fair, nor did I thank Peppe for inviting me to take my
share of it. Chance had thrown it in our way, and therefore I was
entitled to the half of it. "Nevertheless, I did not consider myself obliged to cancel my friend's
debt because of the good fortune that had befallen us, but was
determined that he should still pay me the three pauls out of his share
when the whole should be divided, for the principle of the thing, for I
am very punctilious as to principle, especially when my interests are
affected. "However, I said nothing until after we had divided the treasure
equally. This being done, some debate arose as to what we should do with
the diamond ring. Peppe thought he had a right to it, as he said it was
all through him that the brigands had been put to flight and had left us
in possession of the treasure. He even called me ungrateful and
unreasonable when I disputed it with him, after having allowed me a
share of the booty. I was not to be put off in this way. I told him that
I had a right to an equal share of the treasure, and owed no thanks to
him for the accident of good fortune that had befallen us both. As to
the ring, I said that if either of us had a right to it more than the
other it was myself, as he was my debtor. "'Avaricious man!' exclaimed he, 'do you still think of exacting your
miserable three pauls after my generosity in making you a sharer of the
treasure that belonged properly to me? Have I not already paid you over
and over again the paltry debt I owed you? If the Madonna had not
brought me miraculously back to life you would have had nothing.' "'Peace, blasphemer!' cried I. 'Do you think to befool me again with
your imposture?' "'_Imposture!_' he exclaimed, with an air of injured innocence. 'Why,
did you not see me rise from the dead with your own eyes?' "'Come, now,' said I, losing all patience, 'do you think that I was not
sharp enough to suspect your plot from the very beginning, knowing what
sort of character I had to deal with? Do you imagine I couldn't see
through all your shamming--that I didn't see your breast heaving?' "'_My breast heaving! The breast of a corpse heaving!_' he ejaculated. 'Strange hallucination! Trust me, my dear friend, you must have been
slightly in liquor, and saw double.' "'And do you think that I did not observe that worn out with feigning
death so long, you really fell asleep,' said I, heedless of his insult,
'and that I did not hear you snore like a hog?' "'I snore like a hog!' he exclaimed. 'My dear friend, believe me, you
must have been _very strongly_ in liquor.' "'No more in liquor than you,' I cried, with some vehemence. 'That you
were sound asleep I can swear, nor would you have awoke till morning,
had not one of the brigands hit you on the nose with that ring. Then,
naturally forgetting your caution, you jumped up, stretched yourself,
which act of yours being sufficient under the circumstances to strike
terror among the brigands, who, imagining no doubt, what you would like
me also to believe--viz., that a miracle had been wrought to bring you
back to life again, took to their heels and left their treasure behind
them. "'Now, you can't well expect me to believe in what you affect to
consider a miracle, seeing that I have been an eye-witness to your
antics from the very beginning, and as for trusting you with the ring
until it shall be converted into money, that would be too much for you
to expect from me, after the insight you have given me into your
character.' "'Come now, old fellow,' said he, gaily, and with most provoking good
humour, 'let us have no more words about it. We'll toss up for it. Nothing can be fairer than that.' "'I do not agree either to toss up for it or to draw lots for it, as I
am usually unlucky,' I replied, firmly. "'Then we'll settle it between ourselves as the brigands did. If I hit
you on the nose with it, it is mine. If you can hit me with it, it shall
be yours. Come--here goes.' "'I object to these proceedings,' I replied. "'What will you do, then? Will you cut it in half with a knife?' "'Nor that either,' said I. "'Well, now,' said he, 'you are one of the never-contented. I see you
are determined by hook or by crook to keep the ring all to yourself.' "'No,' I replied, 'I do not wish for anything that is not strictly fair. What I propose is this--viz., that I should keep the ring in my
possession until you have disbursed the three pauls out of your share. Then, after the ring has been estimated by a trustworthy party and
turned into money, then we will share the produce equally.' "'Ho! ho!' laughed he, 'so that's what you are after, is it? Ha! ha! I
see it all. You fancy that under the excuse of waiting for your three
pauls (which I know as well as you do yourself you do not care a straw
for, since you have become enriched with the half of my treasure) that I
am going to allow you quietly to abscond with the ring, which may be
worth as much as all the treasure put together, for what I know, never
to be heard of afterwards. Well, that is a cool idea! Ha! ha! ha!' "'I protest,' said I, 'that such a thought never entered my head.' "'Oh, of course not,' said he, incredulously. 'Friend Antonio, it is
clear that our respective mothers hatched neither of us two yesterday. I
am only a poor goatherd, yet I have learnt as much of the world from
watching the antics of my goats as you have in trailing and pruning your
vines.