On one occasion, after
I had been in bed some time, I found it was very damp, and upon
examination I found the bed itself had been made quite wet, with the
sheets put over it to hide it. This I did not discover until it was too
late, for I caught a violent cold, and it took me some weeks to get over
it, and yet I escaped eventually, though after some months' illness. I
recovered, and it evidently made them angry because I did live. They
must have believed me to be very obstinate; they thought me obdurate in
the extreme--they called me all the names they could imagine, and
treated me with every indignity they could heap upon me. Well, time ran
on, and in my twelfth year I obtained the notice of one or two of our
friends, who made some inquiries about me. I always remarked that my
parents disliked any one to speak to, or take any notice of me. They did
not permit me to say much--they did not like my speaking; and on one
occasion, when I made some remark respecting school, she replied--

"'Her health is so bad that I have not yet sent her, but shall do so by
and by, when she grows stronger.' "There was a look bent upon me that told me at once what I must expect,
if I persisted in my half-formed resolve of contradicting all that had
been said. When the visitor went I was well aware of what kind of a life
I should have had, if I did not absolutely receive some serious injury. I was terrified, and held my tongue. Soon after that I was seized with
violent pains and vomiting. I was very ill, and the servant being at
home only, a doctor was sent for, who at once said I had been poisoned,
and ordered me to be taken care of. I know how it was done: I had some
cake given me--it was left out for me; and that was the only thing I had
eaten, and it astonished me, for I had not had such a thing given me for
years, and that is why I believe the poison was put in the cake, and I
think others thought so too. However, I got over that after a time,
though I was a long while before I did so; but at the same time I was
very weak, and the surgeon said that had I been a little longer without
assistance, or had I not thrown it up, I must have sunk beneath the
effects of a violent poison. He advised my parents to take some measures
to ascertain who it was that had administered the poison to me; but
though they promised compliance, they never troubled themselves about
it--but I was for a long time very cautious of what I took, and was in
great fear of the food that was given to me. However, nothing more of
that character took place, and at length I quite recovered, and began to
think in my own mind that I ought to take some active steps in the
matter, and that I ought to seek an asylum elsewhere. I was now nearly
fifteen years of age, and could well see how inveterate was the dislike
with which I was regarded by my family: I thought that they ought to use
me better, for I could remember no cause for it. I had given no deadly
offence, nor was there any motive why I should be treated thus with
neglect and disdain. It was, then, a matter of serious consideration
with me, as to whether I should not go and throw myself upon the
protection of some friend, and beg their interference in my behalf; but
then there was no one whom I felt that would do so much for me--no one
from whom I expected so great an act of friendship. It was hardly to be
expected from any one that they should interfere between me and my
parents; they would have had their first say, and I should have
contradicted all they said, and should have appeared in a very bad light
indeed. I could not say they had neglected my education--I could not say
that, because there I had been careful myself, and I had assiduously
striven when alone to remedy this defect, and had actually succeeded; so
that, if I were examined, I should have denied my own assertions by
contrary facts, which would injure me. Then again, if I were neglected I
could not prove any injury, because I had all the means of existence;
and all I could say would either be attributed to some evil source, or
it was entirely false--but at the same time I felt that I had great
cause of complaint, and none of gratitude. I could hold no communion
with any one--all alike deserted me, and I knew none who could say aught
for me if I requested their good-will. I had serious thoughts of
possessing myself of some money, and then leaving home, and staying away
until I had arrived at age; but this I deferred doing, seeing that there
were no means, and I could not do more than I then did--that is, to live
on without any mischief happening, and wait for a few years more. I
contracted an acquaintance with a young man who came to visit my
father--he came several times, and paid me more civility and attention
than any one else ever did, and I felt that he was the only friend I
possessed. It is no wonder I looked upon him as being my best and my
only friend. I thought him the best and the handsomest man I ever
beheld. This put other thoughts into my head. I did not dress as others
did, much less had I the opportunity of becoming possessed of many of
those little trinkets that most young women of my age had. But this made
no alteration in the good opinion of the young gentleman, who took no
notice of that, but made me several pretty presents. These were
treasures to me, and I must say I gloated over them, and often, when
alone, I have spent hours in admiring them; trifling as they were, they
made me happier. I knew now one person who cared for me, and a
delightful feeling it was too. I shall never know it again--it is quite
impossible. Here, among the dark walls and unwholesome cells, we have no
cheering ray of life or hope--all is dreary and cold; a long and
horrible punishment takes place, to which there is no end save with
life, and in which there is no one mitigating circumstance--all is bad
and dark. God help me!" *       *       *       *       *

"However, my dream of happiness was soon disturbed. By some means my
parents had got an idea of this, and the young man was dismissed the
house, and forbidden to come to it again. This he determined to do, and
more than once we met, and then in secret I told him all my woes. When
he had heard all I said, he expressed the deepest commiseration, and
declared I had been most unjustly and harshly treated, and thought that
there was not a harder or harsher treatment than that which I had
received. He then advised me to leave home. "'Leave home,' I said; 'where shall I fly? I have no friend.' "'Come to me, I will protect you; I will stand between you and all the
world; they shall not stir hand or foot to your injury.' "'But I cannot, dare not to do that; if they found me out, they would
force me back with all the ignominy and shame that could be felt from
having done a bad act; not any pity would they show me.' "'Nor need you; you would be my wife--I mean to make you my wife.' "'You?' "'Yes! I dreamed not of anything else.