I felt much happier than I had done
since my father's death, and enjoyed that night the first refreshing
sleep which had visited me since that event. My curiosity respecting my male cousin did not long remain
unsatisfied--he appeared the next day at dinner. His manners, though not
so coarse as I had expected, were exceedingly disagreeable; there was an
assurance and a forwardness for which I was not prepared; there was less
of the vulgarity of manner, and almost more of that of the mind, than I
had anticipated. I felt quite uncomfortable in his presence; there was
just that confidence in his look and tone which would read encouragement
even in mere toleration; and I felt more disgusted and annoyed at the
coarse and extravagant compliments which he was pleased from time to
time to pay me, than perhaps the extent of the atrocity might fully
have warranted. It was, however, one consolation that he did not often
appear, being much engrossed by pursuits about which I neither knew nor
cared anything; but when he did appear, his attentions, either with
a view to his amusement or to some more serious advantage, were so
obviously and perseveringly directed to me, that young and inexperienced
as I was, even _I_ could not be ignorant of his preference. I felt more
provoked by this odious persecution than I can express, and discouraged
him with so much vigour, that I employed even rudeness to convince him
his assiduities were unwelcome; but all in vain. This had gone on for nearly a twelvemonth, to my infinite annoyance,
when one day as I was sitting at some needlework with my companion
Emily, as was my habit, in the parlour, the door opened, and my cousin
Edward entered the room. There was something, I thought, odd in his
manner; a kind of struggle between shame and impudence--a kind of flurry
and ambiguity which made him appear, if possible, more than ordinarily
disagreeable. "Your servant, ladies," he said, seating himself at the same time;
"sorry to spoil your _tête-à-tête_, but never mind! I'll only take
Emily's place for a minute or two; and then we part for a while,
fair cousin. Emily, my father wants you in the corner turret. No
shilly-shally; he's in a hurry." She hesitated. "Be off--tramp, march!" he exclaimed, in a tone which the poor girl dared not disobey. She left the room, and Edward followed her to the door. He stood there
for a minute or two, as if reflecting what he should say, perhaps
satisfying himself that no one was within hearing in the hall. At length he turned about, having closed the door, as if carelessly,
with his foot; and advancing slowly, as if in deep thought, he took his
seat at the side of the table opposite to mine. There was a brief interval of silence, after which he said:

"I imagine that you have a shrewd suspicion of the object of my early
visit; but I suppose I must go into particulars. Must I?" "I have no conception," I replied, "what your object may be." "Well, well," said he, becoming more at his ease as he proceeded,
"it may be told in a few words. You know that it is totally
impossible--quite out of the question--that an off-hand young fellow
like me, and a good-looking girl like yourself, could meet continually,
as you and I have done, without an attachment--a liking growing up on
one side or other; in short, I think I have let you know as plain as if
I spoke it, that I have been in love with you almost from the first time
I saw you." He paused; but I was too much horrified to speak. He interpreted my
silence favourably. "I can tell you," he continued, "I'm reckoned rather hard to please, and
very hard to _hit_. I can't say when I was taken with a girl before; so
you see fortune reserved me----"

Here the odious wretch wound his arm round my waist. The action at
once restored me to utterance, and with the most indignant vehemence I
released myself from his hold, and at the same time said:

"I have not been insensible, sir, of your most disagreeable
attentions--they have long been a source of much annoyance to me; and
you must be aware that I have marked my disapprobation--my disgust--as
unequivocally as I possibly could, without actual indelicacy." I paused, almost out of breath from the rapidity with which I had
spoken; and, without giving him time to renew the conversation, I
hastily quitted the room, leaving him in a paroxysm of rage and
mortification. As I ascended the stairs, I heard him open the parlour-door with
violence, and take two or three rapid strides in the direction in which
I was moving. I was now much frightened, and ran the whole way until I
reached my room; and having locked the door, I listened breathlessly,
but heard no sound. This relieved me for the present; but so much had
I been overcome by the agitation and annoyance attendant upon the scene
which I had just gone through, that when Emily knocked at my door, I was
weeping in strong hysterics. [Illustration: LEAVING HIM IN A PAROXYSM OF RAGE AND MORTIFICATION.] You will readily conceive my distress, when you reflect upon my strong
dislike to my cousin Edward, combined with my youth and extreme
inexperience. Any proposal of such a nature must have agitated me; but
that it should have come from the man whom of all others I most loathed
and abhorred, and to whom I had, as clearly as manner could do it,
expressed the state of my feelings, was almost too overwhelming to be
borne. It was a calamity, too, in which I could not claim the sympathy
of my cousin Emily, which had always been extended to me in my minor
grievances. Still I hoped that it might not be unattended with good; for
I thought that one inevitable and most welcome consequence would result
from this painful _eclaircissement_, in the discontinuance of my
cousin's odious persecution. When I arose next morning, it was with the fervent hope that I might
never again behold the face, or even hear the name, of my cousin Edward;
but such a consummation, though devoutly to be wished, was hardly likely
to occur. The painful impressions of yesterday were too vivid to be at
once erased; and I could not help feeling some dim foreboding of coming
annoyance and evil. To expect on my suitor's part anything like delicacy or consideration
for me was out of the question. I saw that he had set his heart upon
my property, and that he was not likely easily to forego such an
acquisition--possessing what might have been considered opportunities
and facilities almost to compel my compliance. I now keenly felt the unreasonableness of my father's conduct in placing
me to reside with a family of all whose members, with one exception,
he was wholly ignorant, and I bitterly felt the helplessness of my
situation. I determined, however, in case of my cousin's persevering in
his addresses, to lay all the particulars before my uncle (although
he had never in kindness or intimacy gone a step beyond our first
interview), and to throw myself upon his hospitality and his sense of
honour for protection against a repetition of such scenes.