I'll teach you to laugh at me. I wish I had
you on board ship--that's all, you young rascal. I'd soon teach you to
laugh at your superior officer, I would." "Oh, uncle, I did not laugh at you." "What did you laugh at, then?" "At the joke." "Joke. D--n me, there was no joke at all!" "Oh, very good." "And it ain't very good." Charles knew very well that, this sort of humour, in which was the old
admiral, would soon pass away, and then that he would listen to him
comfortably enough; so he would not allow the least exhibition of
petulance or mere impatience to escape himself, but contented himself by
waiting until the ebullition of feeling fairly worked itself out. "Well, well," at length said the old man, "you have dragged me here,
into a very small and a very dull room, under pretence of having
something to tell me, and I have heard nothing yet." "Then I will now tell you," said Charles. "I fell in love--"

"Bah!" "With Flora Bannerworth, abroad; she is not only the most beautiful of
created beings--"

"Bah!" "But her mind is of the highest order of intelligence, honour, candour,
and all amiable feelings--"

"Bah!" "Really, uncle, if you say 'Bah!' to everything, I cannot go on." "And what the deuce difference, sir, does it make to you, whether I say
'Bah!' or not?" "Well, I love her. She came to England, and, as I could not exist, but
was getting ill, and should, no doubt, have died if I had not done so, I
came to England." "But d----e, I want to know about the mermaid." "The vampyre, you mean, sir?" "Well, well, the vampyre." "Then, uncle, all I can tell you is, that it is supposed a vampyre came
one night and inflicted a wound upon Flora's neck with his teeth, and
that he is still endeavouring to renew his horrible existence from the
young, pure blood that flows through her veins." "The devil he is!" "Yes. I am bewildered, I must confess, by the mass of circumstances that
have combined to give the affair a horrible truthfulness. Poor Flora is
much injured in health and spirits; and when I came home, she, at once,
implored me to give her up, and think of her no more, for she could not
think of allowing me to unite my fate with hers, under such
circumstances." "She did?" "Such were her words, uncle. She implored me--she used that word,
'implore'--to fly from her, to leave her to her fate, to endeavour to
find happiness with some one else." "Well?" "But I saw her heart was breaking." "What o' that?" "Much of that, uncle. I told her that when I deserted her in the hour of
misfortune that I hoped Heaven would desert me. I told her that if her
happiness was wrecked, to cling yet to me, and that with what power and
what strength God had given me, I would stand between her and all ill."

"And what then?" "She--she fell upon my breast and wept and blessed me. Could I desert
her--could I say to her, 'My dear girl, when you were full of health and
beauty, I loved you, but now that sadness is at your heart I leave you?' Could I tell her that, uncle, and yet call myself a man?" "No!" roared the old admiral, in a voice that made the room echo again;
"and I tell you what, if you had done so, d--n you, you puppy, I'd have
braced you, and--and married the girl myself. I would, d----e, but I
would." "Dear uncle!" "Don't dear me, sir. Talk of deserting a girl when the signal of
distress, in the shape of a tear, is in her eye!" "But I--"

"You are a wretch--a confounded lubberly boy--a swab--a d----d bad
grampus." "You mistake, uncle." "No, I don't. God bless you, Charles, you shall have her--if a whole
ship's crew of vampyres said no, you shall have her. Let me see
her--just let me see her." The admiral gave his lips a vigorous wipe with his sleeve, and Charles
said hastily,--

"My dear uncle, you will recollect that Miss Bannerworth is quite a
young lady." "I suppose she is." "Well, then, for God's sake, don't attempt to kiss her." "Not kiss her! d----e, they like it. Not kiss her, because she's a young
lady! D----e, do you think I'd kiss a corporal of marines?" "No, uncle; but you know young ladies are very delicate." "And ain't I delicate--shiver my timbers, ain't I delicate? Where is
she? that's what I want to know." "Then you approve of what I have done?" "You are a young scamp, but you have got some of the old admiral's
family blood in you, so don't take any credit for acting like an honest
man--you couldn't help it." "But if I had not so acted," said Charles, with a smile, "what would
have become of the family blood, then?" "What's that to you? I would have disowned you, because that very thing
would have convinced me you were an impostor, and did not belong to the
family at all." "Well, that would have been one way of getting over the difficulty." "No difficulty at all. The man who deserts the good ship that carries
him through the waves, or the girl that trusts her heart to him, ought
to be chopped up into meat for wild monkeys." "Well, I think so to." "Of course you do." "Why, of course?" "Because it's so d----d reasonable that, being a nephew of mine, you
can't possibly help it." "Bravo, uncle! I had no idea you were so argumentative." "Hadn't you, spooney; you'd be an ornament to the gun-room, you would;
but where's the 'young lady' who is so infernal delicate--where is she,
I say?" "I will fetch her, uncle." "Ah, do; I'll be bound, now, she's one of the right build--a good
figure-head, and don't make too much stern-way." [Illustration]

"Well, well, whatever you do, now don't pay her any compliments, for
your efforts in that line are of such a very doubtful order, that I
shall dread to hear you." "You be off, and mind your own business; I haven't been at sea forty
years without picking up some out-and-out delicate compliments to say to
a young lady." "But do you really imagine, now, that the deck of a man-of-war is a nice
place to pick up courtly compliments in?" "Of course I do. There you hear the best of language, d----e! You don't
know what you are talking about, you fellows that have stuck on shore
all your lives; it's we seamen who learn life." "Well, well--hark!" "What's that?" "A cry--did you not hear a cry?" "A signal of distress, by G--d!" In their efforts to leave the room, the uncle and nephew for about a
minute actually blocked up the door-way, but the superior bulk of the
admiral prevailed, and after nearly squeezing poor Charles flat, he got
out first. But this did not avail him, for he knew not where to go. Now, the second
scream which Flora had uttered when the vampyre had clasped her waist
came upon their ears, and, as they were outside the room, it acted well
as a guide in which direction to come. Charles fancied correctly enough at once that it proceeded from the room
which was called "Flora's own room," and thitherward accordingly he
dashed at tremendous speed.