And so was it made plain that those Peoples must suffer and come
unhelped and alone to their end; which was a sad and dreadful thought to
any. Yet had those within the Great Pyramid come already to much sorrow
and calamity because that some had made attempt in this matter. And
there had been for gain, only failure, and the sorrow of Mothers, and
the loneliness of Wives, and of kin. And now this dread horror upon us,
which concerned those lost Youths. Now, as may be conceived, this _sure knowledge_ that we might give no
succour to the People of the Lesser Redoubt, weighed heavy upon my
heart; for I had, maybe with foolishness, held vague hopes and wonders
concerning our power to make expedition secretly into the Night, to
discover that Lesser Pyramid, and rescue those poor thousands; and above
all, as may be thought, had I the thought of that sweet moment in which
I should step forward out of the night and all mystery and terror, and
put forth mine arms to Naani, saying: "I am That One." And knowing, in
my soul, that she that had been mine in that bygone Eternity, should
surely know me upon the instant; and call out swiftly, and come swiftly,
and be again unto me in that age, even as she had been in this. And to think upon it, and to know that this thing should never be; but
that, even in that moment of thought, she that had been mine in these
olden days of sweetness, might be even then suffering horror in the
Power of some foul Monster, was like a kind of madness; so that nearly I
could seize the Diskos, and run forth unprepared into the evil and
terror of the Night Land, that I should make one attempt to come to that
Place where she abode, or else to cast off my life in the attempt. And oft did I call to Naani; and always I sent the Master-Word beating
through the night, that she might have assurance that it was indeed I
that did speak unto her spirit, and no foul thing or Monster, spelling
evil and lies unto her. And oft did I make to instruct her that never should she be tempted
forth from the shelter of that Redoubt in which she did live, by any
message out of the night; but always to await the Master-Word; and,
moreover, to have a sure knowledge that none that was her Friend would
ever seek to entice her into the night. And this way and that way would I speak with Naani, sending my words
silently with my brain-elements; yet was it doleful and weariful and
dreadful always to have speech into the dark, and never to hear the
answering beat of the Master-Word, and the sweet, faint voice whispering
within my soul. Yet, once and again, would I have knowledge that the
aether did thrill about me, weakly, and to mine inward hearing it would
seem that the Master-Word did beat faintly in the night; and thereafter
would my heart have a little comfort, in that I had assurance, of a
kind, that the love-maid of my memory-dreams did still live. And constant, I put forth my soul to hark; so that my health failed me,
with the effort of my harking; and I would chide my being, that I had
not a wiser control; and so make a fight to do sanely. Yet, day by day, did my heart grow more weary and restless; for, indeed,
it did seem that life was but a very little matter, against so great a
loss as my heart did feel to suffer. And oft, at this time and that, did there come a Voice speaking plainly
out of the night, and did purport to be the voice of Naani; but ever I
did say the Master-Word unto the Voice, and the Voice had no power by
which it could make the one answer. Yet I jeered not at the Voice, to
show contempt of its failing to bewit me; but let the matter bide; and
the Voice would be silent a time; and again would make a calling unto
me; but never did I make speech with it (for therein lies the danger to
the soul), but always did speak the Master-Word to its silencing; and
thereafter would shut the thing from my memory, and think only upon
sweet and holy matters, as it might be Truth and Courage, but more often
of Naani, which was both sweet and holy to my spirit and heart and
being. And so it was as I have set down, there were Monsters without in the
Night that did torment me; having, it may be, intent to lure me unto
destruction; or indeed it doth chance that they had no hope but to
plague me with malice. And, as may be thought, all this considering of my trouble, and the
giving of my strength unto Naani through the night of the world, that
she might have comfort and help, did work upon me; so that I grew thin,
plainly to the eye of those that loved me. And the Master Monstruwacan, he that did love me, as I were his son,
chid me gently, and had wise speech with me; so that I but loved him the
more, yet without having gain of health; for my heart destroyed me, as
it doth if love be held back and made always to weep. And it may be thought strange that my Mother and my Father did not talk
also with me; but I had neither Mother nor Father those many years; and
this thing I should have set down early; so that none should waste
thought pondering to no end. But the blame is to my telling. Now, concerning my love-trouble, there did happen a certain thing which
gave me to decide; for one night I waked from a sore troubled sleep, and
it did seem that Naani did call my name, mine olden love name, and in a
voice of utter anguish and with beseeching. And I sat up in the bed, and
sent the Master-Word into the Night, with my brain-elements; and
presently all about me there was the solemn beat of the Master-Word,
answering; but weak, and gone faint, that scarce I might hear it. And I called again with my brain-elements unto Naani, that was Mirdath;
and spoke to give her assurance, and to haste to tell unto me that which
was so wrong and pitiful with her. And who shall be amazed that I was
shaken with the eagerness of my spirit, in that it was so long since
Naani had spoken clear within my soul; and now behold, her voice. Yet, though I did call many a time unto the everlasting night, there
came no more the voice of Naani, speaking strangely within my spirit;
but only at times a weak thrilling of the aether about me. And, at the last I grew maddened with the sorrow of this thing, and the
sense and knowledge of harm about the maid; and I stood upright upon my
feet, and I raised my hands, and gave word and honour unto Naani through
all the blackness of the night, that I would no more abide within the
Mighty Pyramid to my safety, whilst she, that had been mine Own through
Eternity, came to horror and destruction by the Beasts and Evil Powers
of that Dark World. And I gave the word with my brain-elements, and bade
her to be of heart; for that until I died I would seek her. But out of
the Darkness there came naught but the silence. Then I clothed me swiftly, and went up quickly to the Tower of
Observation, that I might speak instant with the Master Monstruwacan;
for my heart burned in me to intention, and to be doing speedily that
which I had set upon myself to do.