I need not swell the catalogue of my errors by
expatiating upon them. Suffice it to say that the peculiar circumstances
of your introduction to me led me to reflections on the use that might
be made of your agency, in procuring this lady's acquiescence in my
schemes. You were to be ultimately persuaded to confirm her in the
belief that her nephew was dead. To this consummation it was
indispensable to lead you by slow degrees and circuitous paths. Meanwhile, a profound silence, with regard to your genuine history, was
to be observed; and to this forbearance your consent was obtained with
more readiness than I expected. "There was an additional motive for the treatment you received from me. My personal projects and cares had hitherto prevented me from reading
Lodi's manuscript; a slight inspection, however, was sufficient to prove
that the work was profound and eloquent. My ambition has panted, with
equal avidity, after the reputation of literature and opulence. To claim
the authorship of this work was too harmless and specious a stratagem
not to be readily suggested. I meant to translate it into English, and
to enlarge it by enterprising incidents of my own invention. My scruples
to assume the merit of the original composer might thus be removed. For
this end, your assistance as an amanuensis would be necessary. "You will perceive that all these projects depended on the seasonable
arrival of intelligence from ----. The delay of another week would seal
my destruction. The silence might arise from the foundering of the ship
and the destruction of all on board. In this case, the insurance was not
forfeited, but payment could not be obtained within a year. Meanwhile,
the premium and other debts must be immediately discharged, and this was
beyond my power. Meanwhile, I was to live in a manner that would not
belie my pretensions; but my coffers were empty. "I cannot adequately paint the anxieties with which I have been haunted. Each hour has added to the burden of my existence, till, in consequence
of the events of this day, it has become altogether insupportable. Some
hours ago, I was summoned by Thetford to his house. The messenger
informed me that tidings had been received of my ship. In answer to my
eager interrogations, he could give no other information than that she
had been captured by the British. He was unable to relate particulars. "News of her safe return would, indeed, have been far more acceptable;
but even this information was a source of infinite congratulation. It
precluded the demand of my insurers. The payment of other debts might be
postponed for a month, and my situation be the same as before the
adoption of this successless scheme. Hope and joy were reinstated in my
bosom, and I hasted to Thetford's counting-house. "He received me with an air of gloomy dissatisfaction. I accounted for
his sadness by supposing him averse to communicate information which was
less favourable than our wishes had dictated. He confirmed, with visible
reluctance, the news of her capture. He had just received letters from
his brother, acquainting him with all particulars, and containing the
official documents of this transaction. "This had no tendency to damp my satisfaction, and I proceeded to peruse
with eagerness the papers which he put into my hand. I had not proceeded
far, when my joyous hopes vanished. Two French mulattoes had, after much
solicitation, and the most solemn promises to carry with them no
articles which the laws of war decree to be contraband, obtained a
passage in the vessel. She was speedily encountered by a privateer, by
whom every receptacle was ransacked. In a chest, belonging to the
Frenchmen, and which they had affirmed to contain nothing but their
clothes, were found two sabres, and other accoutrements of an officer of
cavalry. Under this pretence, the vessel was captured and condemned, and
this was a cause of forfeiture which had not been provided against in
the contract of insurance. "By this untoward event my hopes were irreparably blasted. The utmost
efforts were demanded to conceal my thoughts from my companion. The
anguish that preyed upon my heart was endeavoured to be masked by looks
of indifference. I pretended to have been previously informed by the
messenger not only of the capture, but of the cause that led to it, and
forbore to expatiate upon my loss, or to execrate the authors of my
disappointment. My mind, however, was the theatre of discord and agony,
and I waited with impatience for an opportunity to leave him. "For want of other topics, I asked by whom this information had been
brought. He answered, that the bearer was Captain Amos Watson, whose
vessel had been forfeited, at the same time, under a different pretence. He added that, my name being mentioned accidentally to Watson, the
latter had betrayed marks of great surprise, and been very earnest in
his inquiries respecting my situation. Having obtained what knowledge
Thetford was able to communicate, the captain had departed, avowing a
former acquaintance with me, and declaring his intention of paying me a
visit. "These words operated on my frame like lightning. All within me was
tumult and terror, and I rushed precipitately out of the house. I went
forward with unequal steps, and at random. Some instinct led me into the
fields, and I was not apprized of the direction of my steps, till,
looking up, I found myself upon the shore of Schuylkill. "Thus was I, a second time, overborne by hopeless and incurable evils. An interval of motley feelings, of specious artifice and contemptible
imposture, had elapsed since my meeting with the stranger at Wilmington. Then my forlorn state had led me to the brink of suicide. A brief and
feverish respite had been afforded me, but now was I transported to the
verge of the same abyss. "Amos Watson was the brother of the angel whom I had degraded and
destroyed. What but fiery indignation and unappeasable vengeance could
lead him into my presence? With what heart could I listen to his
invectives? How could I endure to look upon the face of one whom I had
loaded with such atrocious and intolerable injuries? "I was acquainted with his loftiness of mind; his detestation of
injustice, and the whirlwind passions that ingratitude and villany like
mine were qualified to awaken in his bosom. I dreaded not his violence. The death that he might be prompted to inflict was no object of
aversion. It was poverty and disgrace, the detection of my crimes, the
looks and voice of malediction and upbraiding, from which my cowardice
shrunk. "Why should I live? I must vanish from that stage which I had lately
trodden. My flight must be instant and precipitate. To be a fugitive
from exasperated creditors, and from the industrious revenge of Watson,
was an easy undertaking; but whither could I fly, where I should not be
pursued by the phantoms of remorse, by the dread of hourly detection, by
the necessities of hunger and thirst?