I felt the greatest ardour for
virtue rise within me, and abhorrence for vice, as far as I understood
the signification of those terms, relative as they were, as I applied
them, to pleasure and pain alone. Induced by these feelings, I was of
course led to admire peaceable law-givers, Numa, Solon, and Lycurgus,
in preference to Romulus and Theseus. The patriarchal lives of my
protectors caused these impressions to take a firm hold on my mind;
perhaps, if my first introduction to humanity had been made by a young
soldier, burning for glory and slaughter, I should have been imbued with
different sensations. “But _Paradise Lost_ excited different and far deeper emotions. I read
it, as I had read the other volumes which had fallen into my hands, as a
true history. It moved every feeling of wonder and awe, that the picture
of an omnipotent God warring with his creatures was capable of exciting. I often referred the several situations, as their similarity struck me,
to my own. Like Adam, I was created apparently united by no link to any
other being in existence; but his state was far different from mine in
every other respect. He had come forth from the hands of God a perfect
creature, happy and prosperous, guarded by the especial care of his
Creator; he was allowed to converse with, and acquire knowledge from
beings of a superior nature: but I was wretched, helpless, and alone. Many times I considered Satan as the fitter emblem of my condition; for
often, like him, when I viewed the bliss of my protectors, the bitter
gall of envy rose within me. “Another circumstance strengthened and confirmed these feelings. Soon
after my arrival in the hovel, I discovered some papers in the pocket of
the dress which I had taken from your laboratory. At first I had
neglected them; but now that I was able to decypher the characters in
which they were written, I began to study them with diligence. It was
your journal of the four months that preceded my creation. You minutely
described in these papers every step you took in the progress of your
work; this history was mingled with accounts of domestic occurrences. You, doubtless, recollect these papers. Here they are. Every thing is
related in them which bears reference to my accursed origin; the whole
detail of that series of disgusting circumstances which produced it is
set in view; the minutest description of my odious and loathsome person
is given, in language which painted your own horrors, and rendered mine
ineffaceable. I sickened as I read. ‘Hateful day when I received life!’
I exclaimed in agony. ‘Cursed creator! Why did you form a monster so
hideous that even you turned from me in disgust? God in pity made man
beautiful and alluring, after his own image; but my form is a filthy
type of your’s, more horrid from its very resemblance. Satan had his
companions, fellow-devils, to admire and encourage him; but I am
solitary and detested.’

“These were the reflections of my hours of despondency and solitude; but
when I contemplated the virtues of the cottagers, their amiable and
benevolent dispositions, I persuaded myself that when they should become
acquainted with my admiration of their virtues, they would compassionate
me, and overlook my personal deformity. Could they turn from their door
one, however monstrous, who solicited their compassion and friendship? I resolved, at least, not to despair, but in every way to fit myself for
an interview with them which would decide my fate. I postponed this
attempt for some months longer; for the importance attached to its
success inspired me with a dread lest I should fail. Besides, I found
that my understanding improved so much with every day’s experience, that
I was unwilling to commence this undertaking until a few more months
should have added to my wisdom. “Several changes, in the mean time, took place in the cottage. The
presence of Safie diffused happiness among its inhabitants; and I also
found that a greater degree of plenty reigned there. Felix and Agatha
spent more time in amusement and conversation, and were assisted in
their labours by servants. They did not appear rich, but they were
contented and happy; their feelings were serene and peaceful, while mine
became every day more tumultuous. Increase of knowledge only discovered
to me more clearly what a wretched outcast I was. I cherished hope, it
is true; but it vanished, when I beheld my person reflected in water, or
my shadow in the moon-shine, even as that frail image and that
inconstant shade. “I endeavoured to crush these fears, and to fortify myself for the trial
which in a few months I resolved to undergo; and sometimes I allowed my
thoughts, unchecked by reason, to ramble in the fields of Paradise, and
dared to fancy amiable and lovely creatures sympathizing with my
feelings and cheering my gloom; their angelic countenances breathed
smiles of consolation. But it was all a dream: no Eve soothed my
sorrows, or shared my thoughts; I was alone. I remembered Adam’s
supplication to his Creator; but where was mine? he had abandoned me,
and, in the bitterness of my heart, I cursed him. “Autumn passed thus. I saw, with surprise and grief, the leaves decay
and fall, and nature again assume the barren and bleak appearance it had
worn when I first beheld the woods and the lovely moon. Yet I did not
heed the bleakness of the weather; I was better fitted by my
conformation for the endurance of cold than heat. But my chief delights
were the sight of the flowers, the birds, and all the gay apparel of
summer; when those deserted me, I turned with more attention towards the
cottagers. Their happiness was not decreased by the absence of summer. They loved, and sympathized with one another; and their joys, depending
on each other, were not interrupted by the casualties that took place
around them. The more I saw of them, the greater became my desire to
claim their protection and kindness; my heart yearned to be known and
loved by these amiable creatures: to see their sweet looks turned
towards me with affection, was the utmost limit of my ambition. I dared
not think that they would turn them from me with disdain and horror. The
poor that stopped at their door were never driven away. I asked, it is
true, for greater treasures than a little food or rest; I required
kindness and sympathy; but I did not believe myself utterly unworthy of
it. “The winter advanced, and an entire revolution of the seasons had taken
place since I awoke into life. My attention, at this time, was solely
directed towards my plan of introducing myself into the cottage of my
protectors. I revolved many projects; but that on which I finally fixed
was, to enter the dwelling when the blind old man should be alone. I had
sagacity enough to discover, that the unnatural hideousness of my person
was the chief object of horror with those who had formerly beheld me.