Reverend Pat Robertsons controversial remarks in which he advised that it was acceptable to divorce a spouse with Alzheimers drew a harsh rebuke from God Almighty, who held a press conference today to tell him to shut the fuck up. The bearded King of the Universe, dressed in His trademark flowing white robe and carrying a lightning bolt, spoke to reporters at New Yorks Hyatt Grand Central for forty-five minutes in a press conference specifically called to denounce the televangelist. Ive held my tongue while hes jabbered on and on about me punishing this group and that group with floods and earthquakes and such, but this was the last straw, He said. Enough already with that moron. In addition to debunking Reverend Robertsons Alzheimers statement, the Almighty categorically denied using natural disasters in the past to punish gays, Haitians, and other targets of Reverend Robertsons scorn. Oh, please, He said. Thats just weather. On another topic, God attempted to put distance between Himself and the Presidential candidacy of Governor Rick Perry of Texas: Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy. 