The following letter was sent today by Bank of America to all of its debit-card customers: Dear Valued Customer: As most of you probably know by now, last month we instituted a five-dollar monthly fee for all of our debit-card users. To say that what followed this decision was a shitstorm would be a massive understatement. Considering that just three years earlier taxpayers had bailed us out with billions of their hard-earned dollars, its understandable that Bank of America was compared to a person who, as he is pulled from a burning building, turns and kicks the fireman in the nuts. Thats why we are writing to you today with a simple message: Our bad. And to tell you that we are refunding the five dollars to you, effective immediately. All you have to do is pay a simple, one-time ten-dollar refund fee. You can receive your refund online, or pick it up at your nearest Bank of America branch, where a teller will hand the money directly to you for a simple, one-time fifteen-dollar handling fee. If you do visit your branch, feel free to use any of our services, including our state-of-the-art ballpoint pens and deposit slips. (Prices on request.) Again, accept our apologies for instituting the debit-card fee. We have learned our lesson, and we make this solemn promise: next time we squeeze money from you, well do it in a way you wont notice. Sincerely, Bank of America 