With a fall Presidential contest between President Barack Obama and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney seeming increasingly likely, Americas bigots are finding themselves in a quandary over which candidate to support, prominent bigots confirmed today. Across the U.S., voters who describe themselves as bigots are complaining that a first-ever matchup between a black man and a Mormon, while historic, is forcing them to ask a difficult question: Which group do they hate more? Ive always seen myself as pretty versatile, bigotry-wise, said Herb Torlinson, a hardware salesman from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. But I guess this is going to be an election that really puts my different hates to the test. At the Clapboard Corner Caf in Youngstown, Ohio, a group of bigots who gather for breakfast once a week to discuss their dislike of various racial and religious groups echoed Mr. Torlinsons sentiments. I actually cried when Rick Perry dropped out of the race, said David Colehurn, a disgruntled hater who works at a nearby Pep Boys. He may be brain-damaged and all, but at least hes white and Christian. Mr. Colehurn said that his bigotry toward both black people and Mormons was making him entertain thoughts of voting for a third-party candidate, but that he was turned off by the possibility of a bid from Texas Congressman Ron Paul: I hate old people. In other political news, former Senator Rick Santorum revealed that he made his first sweater vest himself when he tore off the sleeves of his straitjacket. 