The following is a letter from Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of North Korea, to the people of Iowa. Dear Voters of Iowa: In December I became Supreme Leader of North Korea. Pretty amazing development for a twenty-something who at the time was still living at home and spending all day playing Angry Birds. But there I was, receiving the cheers of millions of North Koreans, who usually dont get that excited unless theyve caught sight of a pork sandwich. (LOL) Here is why I am writing to you today: on Tuesday, you will go to your caucuses and choose from among a field of Republican Presidential candidates. And let me tell you, the idea of any of these people getting nuclear weapons scares the shit out of me. This is just one of many differences between your country and mine. In North Korea, we lock up the criminally insane. In America, you let them debate on TV. Right now you have people running for President I would not trust to take care of my plants. So who do I recommend you vote for on Tuesday? In a word, me. If you think about it, I am the most Republican candidate of all. In North Korea, we have no taxes. We have achieved that through a conservative policy of no jobs. Also, we have no wasteful big government programs providing food, shelter, or safe drinking water. And am I pro-life? Well, try this on for size: I believe that life begins at conception and ends at starvation. Now, I know what youre thinking: Im too young to be President, since Im under thirty-five. Well, who would you rather have running your country, someone whos under thirty-five, or someone whose I.Q. is under thirty-five? (LOL) I think when you look at all the facts, voters of Iowa, youll realize that Kim Jong-un is the Republican who most deserves your vote. And if youre still not convinced, remember this: at least Im not Mitt Romney. Peace out yo, Your Supreme Leader 