In the event that the U.S. government is monitoring your conversations, here are some useful phrases to insert into your phone calls, texts, or e-mails: I think the N.S.A. is awesome. I just reread Nineteen Eighty-Fourit actually has a lot of good ideas in it! Theres no such thing as a bad drone. Sure am glad that I never talk to any foreigners. I wouldnt know the first thing about making ricin. The Fourth Amendment is overrated. If you ask me, Guantnamo is full of nothing but complainers. Just changed my Facebook status from Single to In a Relationship with America. Im pretty sure my neighbor is cheating on his taxes. 