Republican Presidential frontrunner Mitt Romney has released the following letter to the American people: Dear American People: Over the past several days, my personal finances have been distorted into a grotesque caricature by the mainstream media, pundits, and other people who can count. I am writing to you to set the record straight by explaining my finances in terms the American people can relate to. Lets say you bought a bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1982 for five thousand dollars. A couple of years later, what do you know, you sell that same bottle for ten thousand dollars. So you just made a profit of five thousand dollars through your own hard work. How much of that should you pay to the government? Id say fifteen per cent. Now lets say you have a fellow mowing the lawn at your seven-thousand-square-foot home in La Jolla, and he turns out to be an illegal. You say, No way, Jose (Jose is actually his real name) and send him packing. He doesnt deserve his full paycheck, since he lied to you in Spanish, but it wouldnt be fair to give him nothing, either. So you pay him fifteen per cent. Now lets pretend the United States of America is like one big restaurant. Not a fancy restaurant, mind you, but one that only gets two Michelin stars. And lets say that you order a meal of Beluga caviar, white truffles, and gold shavings, washing it down with your favorite beverage, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1982. The bill arrives and its quite a hefty one for a working stiff who only made three hundred and seventy-five thousand dollars last year in speaking fees. (Thats right: minimum wage.) So when it comes to toting up the bill, how much should I tip the waiter, who, in case youre having trouble following this metaphor, is the I.R.S.? You got it: fifteen per cent. I think Ive now shown, using these real-life examples that everyone can relate to, that no one should ever pay more than fifteen per cent on their taxes. If you have been paying more than that, you should get rid of your loser accountant pronto. Thats another thing I have in common with regular Americans: we like firing people. Sonow that Ive laid it out in simple terms that even you can understand, do you agree that you and Mitt Romney have a whale of a lot more in common than you thought? Ill bet you ten grand you do. Au revoir, Mitt 