Attempting to distance themselves from the mans outward appearance, the 46 chromosomes of local sales associate Peter Macon vociferously denied Monday that they had played a direct role of any kind in the present state of his physique. Though its true we contributed a number of basic physical features early on, the condition of Peters body has long been out of our handsthis is completely on him, said a strand of Macons DNA, explaining that, while it bore some responsibility for Macons overbite and male-pattern baldness, it could not be held accountable for the widening girth, sallow complexion, and double chin of a man whose every meal consists of either prepackaged, processed foodstuffs or an entire 16-inch delivery pizza. We did our best to pass along traits that would predispose him toward healthy protein synthesis and muscle growth, but if Peter doesnt get up from his recliner and exercise every now and then, theres not much we can do to help him. Were not the ones telling him to eat handfuls of shredded cheese as a snack and sit there watching 15 hours of Hulu every weekend. The genes later conceded that what Macon is doing to his body didnt actually matter at this point, as they were planning to kill him off through a congenital heart defect within the next few years regardless. 