In the hours leading up to President Obamas State of the Union speech tonight, White House aides informed reporters that the president would most likely touch on a diverse and expansive array of topics, including U.S. patent law, the problem of relativism in contemporary epistemological discourse, and the works of American film director Robert Altman. This is a crucial speech for the president, and that is exactly why he will use this as an opportunity to thoroughly address Edward Saids theory of Orientalism while also discussing the often complex taxonomic specialization involved with various subspecies of moths and butterflies, said White House aide Louis Fererra, who went on to add that Obama has also developed an in-depth PowerPoint slideshow to discuss motifs of modern alienation in the 1993 film Short Cuts and the advances in algorithmic complexity in computer programming. While we know that some may disagree on the Presidents views on franchising trends, Latina rites of passage, the pickling and preservation of foraged vegetables, taxes, and the Adventures of Tintin book series, we believe now is the time for our nation to begin seriously discussing these subjects. At press time, representatives for Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) had announced the Republican response to the speech would include strongly divergent opinions on Chinese calligraphy, aquatic mammals, and the use of noise reduction filters for audio editing. 