An alarming study released Monday by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration reportedly reveals absolutely nothing the pharmaceutical giant Pfizers high-powered lawyers cant effortlessly take care of, no sweat, with no lasting damage whatsoever to the company or its reputation. While Pfizer has for years benefited from record sales of its stable of flagship drugs, our research shows [not a damned thing the best and most handsomely compensated legal team in the country wont make go away in a millisecond, dont you worry], read the study in part, which includes a series of troubling conclusions that are all being given a thorough read-through by Doug and the rest of the junkyard dogs in legal who will make goddamned sure any resulting litigation is either dismissed in a court of law outright or will result in a minor cash settlement that, cmon, will be a mere drop in the bucket for a company the size of Pfizer. Specifically, and most disturbingly, our data show [lots of stuff, probably, but who gives a shit what they show; theres not a single thing any study can do to topple the worlds largest research-based pharmaceutical company, and there aint no way this study reveals anything Pfizer lawyers havent cakewalked through a thousand times before, easy peasy.] According to sources, the new study also reveals its authors actually thought they had a chance in hell of bringing down fucking Pfizer. 