Candidates, as perchance you've noticed, say the darndest things. Today, let's enjoy some of the darnder things we've heard in our endorsement interviews. First, thanks to candidates who come talk with us. Not all of them do. We missed you, governor. How's the family? And to those who do drop by, my apologies for the setting, usually a small, drab, soul-sapping, ill-shaped conference room (the progeny of a rhombus and a trapezoid?) with something-stained chairs and decorated by the folks who do the Gitmo cells. (Plea to management: Can we get a picture of George Washington or the publisher or some other handsome American hero hung in there?) If we wanted to, we could use that room to get candidates to confess their participation in the Jimmy Hoffa disappearance. The setting's sad, but the candidates are sincere. In general, your faith in democracy would be bolstered if you spent the time we do with candidates. In general. And, oh, what we hear. I'm saving the best for last, a reward for reading to the end. It's worth it. Really. I wouldn't mislead you. I'm a journalist. Let it be known that all first-time GOP candidates can balance the state budget by excising 'fraud, waste and abuse.' Yes, the budget includes FW&A. But trust me, the frauders, wasters and abusers are clever enough to conceal it from nosy freshpersons. So far, Holly Turner, GOP candidate in Texas House District 47, had the bluntest way to communicate the no-new-taxes message. 'We need to suck it up for a couple of years and tighten our budget,' said Turner, holder of a Baylor communications science degree. Seems doable. A couple of years of sucking/tightening never hurt anyone. And Turner doesn't like it when voters are interested only in party affiliation. 'That really annoys me actually because I think we're kind of in a mess right now because we've not been looking at our candidates. We look at the letter behind their name and we go to the ballot box and we vote for them. That kind of annoys me a little bit. And having to wear high heels every day,' she said. Here's Judy Jennings, a State Board of Education candidate (District 10, as if you know what SBOE district you live in), on campaign frustrations: 'The first question (from voters) is 'The state board of what?' because people have no clue,' said Jennings, unopposed in the Democratic primary. GOP Supreme Court candidate Rick Strange (sent by God to test my ability to resist cheap jokes about his name) also finds ignorance. 'A large number show up (at the polls) never having heard of any of us,' said Strange, a candidate in Place 3 (as if you know what Supreme Court place you live in. Trick joke. The places are not geographic). Strange's plan: 'In terms of bang for the buck, our bet right now is highway billboards.' Heckuva way to pick Supreme Court justices. Post a big picture and a few words on a billboard and hope it sticks with motorists cruising by at 80 mph while texting. Candidates often are candid when they drop by. Democratic gubernatorial contender Bill White noted he is 'not maybe as mediagenic as some.' Note to Mrs. White: He looked downright presentable at our meeting. Some candidates turn the tables and comment about what bugs them about us. 'I'm sorry, y'all have gnats,' Melissa Goodwin, a GOP candidate for the Austin-based 3rd Court of Appeals, said as she helped out with a little bug problem in our part of the building. 'This is why I have no plants. Even if I did they would all die. If you can't get to the toilet or sink by yourself, you are going to die in the Goodwin household.' And then there's GOP House candidate Patsy Williams (District 20 ). So far, she's my favorite in this narrow category: Seventy-two-year-old grandmother of 20, great-grandmother of 10, teacher of a concealed handgun course and who is married to a JP candidate. She's frustrated about the short answers she has to give at candidate forums. 'Two minutes or three minutes is not enough time to do anything except say 'My name is, I've been in business all these years and I'm married and have kids, thank you ... Please vote for me,'' Williams said. Her campaign Web site -- shared with her husband, how romantic -- offers more background: 'I enjoy cooking and can whip up a mean baked ham and baked beans. I usually do this for the concealed handgun courses that we have once a month.' Overall, the most common frustration is geographic. Texas, it turns out, is big. 'Is everybody as tired as me?' GOP Supreme Court candidate Rose Vela asked of the other candidates who've dropped by. OK, here's your reward. It's from William Gammon, a state district judge candidate in Travis County. It's a thoughtful reflection on democracy: 'My experience on the campaign trail has been very much like wetting your pants in a dark suit. Nobody is really noticing, but I'm getting that really warm feeling anyway.' Ken Herman writes for the Austin American-Statesman. E-mail: kherman@statesman.com. 