In a surprising move, National Public Radio announced yesterday that it will unveil a new format, one prominently showcasing soft-spoken white guys. After much consideration, we have decided that what people want out of public radio is sedate, middle-aged white males who speak in hushed, whisper-like voices, NPR executive director Jean Royce explained. Whether introducing a lesser-known symphony by Scriabin, or hosting an award-winning news program like Talk of the Nation, or just giving the time, our new on-air personalities will be guaranteed to exude one thing: a pleasant, mellow whiteness. 