While experts agree youve been remarkably successful so far at keeping up the ruse that youre a capable, worthwhile individual, a new report out this week indicates that today is the day they finally figure out youre a complete and utter fraud. The report, compiled by the Pew Research Center, states that sometime within the next 24 hours, people will find out that you have no idea what youre doing, that youve been faking it for years, and that, through continuous lying and shameless posturing, youve actually managed to dupe virtually everyone around you into thinking youre something other than a weak and ineffectual person. Theyve had their suspicions all along, sources said, but today their suspicions will be confirmed. Though youve somehow gotten this far in life without anyone discovering youre not what you pretend to be, its all about to come crashing down, and not a minute too soon, to be frank, reads the report, which goes on to note that you dont deserve anything you havenot your job, not your relationship, not even your parents loveand you know it. Youre incompetent, youre petty, youre vain, youre barely keeping it together beneath that confident exterior you project, and your little charade is just about over. Theyre all on to you, the report continues. You do understand that, dont you? Your boss and coworkers will realize today that you are completely unqualified for your current occupation, experts confirmed. Already, they are reportedly starting to sense that youve just been skating bypretending to know what youre talking about, as if you actually possess any kind of real or meaningful skillsand that youre far more of a liability to the company than youve ever been an asset. Several experts also noted that any potential employer in your future will immediately recognize that your entire career has been a sham, that you more or less bluffed your way through school, and that youre unfit for any task beyond menial labor. According to the report, the people you are closest to, from friends to family to your romantic partner, will find out today that youve merely been impersonating someone who deserves to be in their livespiecing together just enough lies about yourself to trick them into thinking youre a genuine, understanding person. In addition to everyone youve ever met knowing youre a huge imposter, even strangers on the street will know, the report stated, in most cases simply by looking at you. People will soon surmise that youre just a feeble, self-obsessed loser, scraping by from day to day and hoping not to get found out, and you know what? Theyre right, reads another section of the report. The pathetic deceit that lies at the very core of your being, that defines you, that is you wont be a secret much longer, because the rest of the world is going to figure out what your parents have known all along: Youre a big fucking joke. On some level, deep down, you knew this day had to come, the report concludes. And now it has. At press time, sources confirmed that here we go: You can see it in their eyes. They know. They all know. Every last one of them absolutely knows. And you deserve every bit of scorn and rejection that is coming your way. 