Following last nights nationally televised presidential debate, President Barack Obamas 11-year-old daughter Sasha reportedly asked her father why he was acting like such a goddamned pussy up there. Daddy, how come you were being such a little bitch? asked the sixth-grader, who told the president she was genuinely worried that maybe somebody had cut Daddys balls off right before he took the stage. What happened, Dad? Were you on your period or something? Maybe the next time youre in front of the entire country for an hour and a half you should try not letting another man spank you on the ass like that. Sources added that Obamas youngest daughter then offered to help the president go look for [his] dick, because apparently its gone missing. 