Delivering an impassioned statement Friday during a campaign stop at Lous Diner, Republican presidential candidate Chris Christie reportedly described the jihadist militant group ISIS as a grave, towering, meaty threat to the United States while staring intently at a customers corned beef sandwich. They are a violent, hateful, mouthwateringly delicious force thats stacked high throughout the Middle East, said Christie, licking his lips and promising the restaurant patron that the savage, savory extremists wouldnt last 30 seconds under his administration. These salt-cured, thinly sliced, melt-in-your-mouth radicals want nothing more than to force the world to live under strict, melty Swiss cheese. Well, let me tell you: When Im president, I wont stop until we get those thick-cut rye bread fundamentalists in our hands, squeeze them down, and finish off every last brutal, succulent morsel of that delectable menace, reducing their terror network to crumbs. At press time, Christie was explaining that to truly demolish the ruthless, juicy Islamic fundamentalists, he would seek to enlist the help of the Russian dressing. 