Following the Yankees' Game 3 victory over the Twins in the ALDS Sunday, Alex Rodriguez demonstrated a complete lack of understanding of the most basic celebratory techniques when he broke bottles of champagne over several of his teammates' heads. 'We were all screaming and cheering, but he just laughed in this weird monotone for a minute or so, then lifted his arm straight up, smashed a bottle on Melky [Cabrera]'s head, and rubbed the shards of glass into Melky's eyes,' teammate Robinson Cano said. 'He fired a cork into [Nick] Swisher's face from point-blank range, too. Then he just ran around in tiny circles for about 10 minutes. It was bizarre.' Rodriguez's publicist later released a statement of apology indicating that, from this point forward, the Yankee third baseman would jump on home plate with the rest of his teammates after game-winning hits, and would no longer try to lick everyone's face. 