Frustrated with trying to fulfill the needs of both the NFL Players' Association and retired players claiming they have been underrepresented, NFLPA Executive Director Gene Upshaw has resorted to offering several financially troubled former football players cash in exchange for making sure other former football players stop complaining to the press. 'Okay, here's a grandmake sure that guy shuts his big yap about lousy pension benefits and inadequate health coverage,' Upshaw reportedly told Chuck Bednarik and Joe DeLamielleure, both former NFL offensive linemen, about each other in separate conversations last week. 'There's more money in it for you once I hear he's been convinced his post-concussion syndrome could be worse, see?' Upshaw refused to answer any questions regarding the strongarm practices, saying that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell would 'disappear me in an eyeblink if I sang.' 