Taking slow, labored breaths while clutching his distended abdomen, a bloated President Obama delivered a press conference Wednesday while seated on a couch several feet behind the podium in the White House briefing room. Good afternoon, everybodyugh, Jesus, gimme a sec, said a wincing, perspiring Obama before emitting several low groans. Oh, man. Whoa. Okay, Ill take some questions nowhang on, hang on. Jesus, I feel like Im gonna pop. At press time, Obama had concluded the briefing by slowly rolling over on the cushions and burying his face in a pillow. 