49ers Outside Linebacker Strength: Has no problem with slamming into another human being as hard as he possibly can; Plays four games a year against the Rams and Cardinals offensive lines Weakness: Tackling license expired months ago; Only concerned with sacking the opposing teams quarterback, not communicating with him Finishing Move: Throws football through opponents chest, rips out spine Parents: Two hall-of-fame linebackers Football Philosophy: Man have ball, Aldon tackle man DUI To Super Bowl Appearances Ratio: 1 to 1 Lateral Movement: Ferociously scuttles after ball carriers like monstrous crab Toughness: Relentlessly plays through injuries, blood-curdling screams of competitors Most Memorable Sack: Trick questionis unable to form new memories Additional Information: None NEXT: John Harbaugh 