Cliff Williams, the No. 1 door-to-door purveyor of electric razors, kitchen knives, and mechanical adding machines, confirmed Friday that he 'sealed the deal' on his sale of the Houston Astros to businessman Jim Crane. 'I says to Mr. Crane, 60 dimes on the spot, no bumps in the price, and you get yourself a honey of a franchise that'll make your old lady smile,' Williams said while snapping his fingers, adding that he closed the deal by tossing in a $50 cash rebate and foul poles at no extra charge. 'With some of these ball clubs you have to worry about whos hitting, who's not. With the Astros, it's all clockwork, baby. Hunter Pence, Carlos Leethese are real, genuine, top-notch quality ballplayers, I tell ya. And thats a Cliff Williams guarantee!' Immediately following his comments, Williams hopped on a train to Pawhuska, OK, where he was meeting 'some poor schnook' who was interested in purchasing the Los Angeles Dodgers. 