Citing the pastrys sublime, inviting aroma and the alluring glint reflecting off its glaze, sources confirmed Thursday that a beautiful cinnamon roll was simply too pure for this world, too perfect. Look at this angelic confection. Never in my life have I laid eyes on such an immaculate swirl, nor glimpsed a crust as delectably golden brown in hue, exclaimed bakery customer Kristen Garding before realizing that perhaps such a flawless, delicate work of art was not meant for this earthly realm. Alas, we toil in far too cold and dark a world for such cinnamoned purity as this, such perfection, whose rich, buttery brilliance conjures the divine. As of press time, the cinnamon roll had been purchased along with a medium cup of coffee. 