Describing it as a real close call, a local seagull suffering from an acute case of diarrhea told reporters that he was barely able to make it to a crowded public beach in time to relieve himself Monday. Oh, man, I really had to go and there wasnt a sunbather or occupied picnic table in sightI honestly didnt know if I could hold it, said the gray and white seabird, who reportedly uttered a deep, contented sigh of relief upon finally reaching a densely packed group of beachgoers and releasing a voluminous torrent of loose fecal matter. The last thing you want is to just go right there over the water or a bare stretch of sand. But thankfully I spotted a few families without beach umbrellas and was able to make it just long enough. Must have been some bad parking lot hot dog I ate. At press time, the seagull reportedly felt another oncoming, urgent bowel movement and was rapidly racing toward the nearest convertible. 