After being targeted by a Senate Ethics Committee probe for engaging in alleged improprieties with a former staffer, Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) took the Senate floor Tuesday to recall a kinder, simpler time when legislators like himself could commit abhorrent acts 'without a care in the world.' 'Used to be a fella could have a lobbyist deliver bags of cash to his office first thing in the morning, leer openly at a buxom young page, and by noon be enjoying a $35 glass of scotch at the Four Seasons without having done a lick of work,' Ensign said before pausing to sigh and gaze wistfully up at the ceiling. 'Nowadays, I can't even accept inappropriate gifts from campaign donors with mob ties without thinking twice. What is this country coming to?' Ensign also rued the fact that his staff is too busy keeping him out of public scandals for any of them to have an affair with him. 