Quarterback, Seattle Seahawks Strengths: Ability to evade Browns during 2012 Draft; As hes only played in NFL for two years, still has life expectancy in the high 50s; Very active in the pocket community; Combines elusiveness with intelligence to avoid stupid conversations about his height Weakness: Too short to be an NFL quarterback Skill: Keeps eyes downfield to avoid seeing his head coach jumping around like a fucking lunatic Team: Seattle Seabirds Secret: Thinks the Legion of Boom is the dumbest fucking thing hes ever heard Catchphrase: I am quarterback Russell Wilson NEXT: Marshawn Lynch 