According to reports from across the nation, all 315 million residents of the United States exhaled in relief and expressed a contented sense of reassurance Friday on news that the ExxonMobil Corporation had recorded nearly $45 billion in profits last year. Oh, thank God! said visibly relieved part-time drug store cashier Helen Gregory of Youngstown, OH, who called the oil and gas multinationals total revenues of $483 billion deeply comforting and a true blessing, echoing the sentiments of every other American from coast to coast. I cant tell you how good it is to know that the worlds largest corporation is still unimaginably profitable. Now I can finally get some sleep and stop worrying. In spite of ExxonMobils positive earnings report, every single person nationwide confided a slight sense of disappointment that the companys annual profits were only the second-highest in corporate history. 