At approximately 2 a.m. Thursday morning, White House sources confirmed that Vice President Joe Biden was forcibly pushed out the rear door of a moving 1980 Lincoln Town Car onto the curb outside 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Whoa, those hombres were not fucking around, said Biden, assuring a small group of onlookers that he was fine as he climbed to his feet and dusted himself off. Being in the hole 50-large aint no joke, but no need to worry about me. Not the first time Ive had my ass in a sling. And if theres anything Diamond Joe knows, its how to rake in some quick green. At press time, witnesses confirmed seeing Biden walking out of the Oval Office with Rembrandt Peales 1823 portrait of George Washington tucked into his jacket. 