As President Barack Obama recited the inaugural oath that will formally commence his second presidential term, onlookers confirmed Monday that Vice President Joe Biden was frantically working his way through a large pile of scratch-off lottery tickets. 'Shit, no ringers yet, but once you get into that groove, Lady Luck rewards you with a hot payoff, and I'm gonna be right here when she does,' said the vice president, taking an occasional swig from a brown-bagged tall boy of Keystone Ice before continuing to scrape at a long spool of scratchcards with a thumbnail. 'I've got about a dozen of these Funky 5s, and these bad boys can pay out 200 large with the bonus multiplier. I don't even bother with those lousy-ass one- and two-dollar ones. Casino Joe's hunting big game today.' At press time, Obama had just concluded the swearing-in ceremony when sources reported Biden had jumped up from his seat and screamed Fuck yeah! before leaving the inauguration stage to redeem a 'Free Ticket' win at a nearby gas station. 