Reckoning it was dern near hotter on the stage than a $2 pistol, a shirtless Mike Huckabee reportedly spent the entire Republican primary debate Wednesday seated in a rickety rocking chair. This economys been done ruined on account of President Obama getting too big for his britches and making a whole mess of new laws that feared away all them small business owners, said Huckabee, pausing to take a drink from a ladle in a rusty copper bucket while wiping sweat from his brow with a rag pulled from the back pocket of his filthy blue jeans. This countrys gone all out of kilter and Im nearbout more ornery than a possum that got stuck in a barrel and rolled down a hill. Hear tell, a whole heap of yall out there are a-fussin and frettin about what kind of future were fixin to leave to our younguns. At press time, sources confirmed Huckabee was picking at a splinter on the blackened underside of his foot. 