Noting that He was a little shaken but would be all right, sources confirmed Friday that the Lord God Almighty, Our Heavenly Father, was struck by a DirecTV satellite approximately 22,000 miles above earth, rendering Him unconscious for several minutes. Whoa! How long was I out? God said to a host of concerned seraphim moments after the four-ton satellite impacted near His right temple while traveling at roughly 6,900 miles per hour. Man, I must have let My mind wanderthat thing really came out of nowhere. I didnt see it at all. As of press time, Heavenly sources confirmed that the deity had fully returned to omniscience. 