After vomiting seeds for three straight hours this morning, a local sparrow told reporters it is worried it might have contracted the deadly H7N9 avian influenza. I told my warbler friend whose buddy got bird flu recently, and he was like, Ken, relax, its not bird fluyou just ate some bad seeds, but still, Im kind of freaked out, said the concerned passer domesticus, adding that its pretty sure it is exhibiting at least a few of the major symptoms related to the treatment-resistant illness spreading throughout the Hunan province. As soon as I left the nest this morning, I felt like total shit. Five minutes later, Im puking all my seeds up. I dont even have any more seeds left to pukeIm just dry heaving from my beak now. The sparrow then told reporters it would try to get some thistle in its stomach and hope its condition doesnt get worse. 