Former fat lump of crap Joseph Woodring joined the ranks of the disabled Monday with the purchase of a Rascal(TM)-brand motorized cart. 'I am pleased to make the move from morbidly obese to differently abled,' said the 410-pound Woodring, careening through EastTowne Mall on his electrically powered whale transporter. 'My newfound handicapped status has truly given me a new lease on convenience.' Woodring then motored off to the mall's food court for a McRib Deluxe Extra Value Meal. 