According to a report released Tuesday by the U.S. Department of Pride and Self-Worth, the nation's dignity reserves stand at an all-time low, and emergency dignity reservoirs may have to be tapped as soon as next month. 'America is in the midst of a dignity crisis the likes of which it has never seen,' said DPSW Secretary Bruce Collins, eating a bag of Taco Bell Steak Gorditas and wearing a 'Show Me The Money!' T-shirt. 'Over the past decade, the number of Americans with no shame whatsoever has gone through the roof.' 