Citing both having to work early the next morning and several other inconveniences presented by a recent party invitation, local swingers Doug and Tiffany Finsky told reporters Wednesday that there is no way they are driving all the way out to goddamn Oakdale. According to the sexually adventurous couple, traveling to the event that their friends Linda and Joe Tremaine are hosting in the Minneapolis suburb over an hours drive from the Finskys home would likely not be worth the hassle, with the pair stating they would probably end up spending more time sitting in the car than they would at the party. Sorry, not gonna happenwere just not driving all the way out there on a weeknight, said Doug, 46, expressing his frustration that it would be 80 damn miles round-trip and probably run him $15 or more in gas costs. Its way out past Woodbury, and this thing doesnt even start until 9 p.m! Plus theres still that construction on [Interstate] 494, so you have to give yourself an extra 20 minutes with the traffic, Doug continued. By the time we shower, say goodbye to everyone, and get out of there, we wont be home until after midnight. Not a chance. An aggravated Finsky added that having to stop by Cub Foods to pick up margarita mix on the way would only add to the drive time. The couple went on to explain that they felt increasingly put out at having to always be the ones forced to make the trip to the bimonthly sex parties, saying that they couldnt remember the last time the Tremaines had attended a similar gathering at the Finskys home. If youre going to force a bunch of people to go out of their way to come to your place, the least you can do is put in a little effort. The last time we were there, pretty much all they had were some generic cheese-and-veggie trays from the grocery store and a handle of cheap vodka. If you think about it, most of the people going tonight live way closer to here anyway, said Tiffany, 45, expressing her belief that the current arrangement was the result of the Tremaines unwillingness to travel rather than an honest desire to host a great erotic event. And if youre going to force a bunch of people to go out of their way to come to your place, the least you can do is put in a little effort. The last time we were there, pretty much all they had were some generic cheese-and-veggie trays from the grocery store and a handle of cheap vodka. Though the couple said they generally enjoy such gatherings, their decision not to schlep all the way out to the eastern suburbswhich is reportedly twice as far away as the orgy they recently attended at a friends house in Eaganwas further cemented by news that certain of their closer friends in the Twin Cities kink community would not be in attendance. If Diane and Will [Rappoport] arent going to be there, then whats the point? Tiffany said. Those two are great. To be honest, theyre basically the only reason we even go to these things anymore. In addition to the long commute and disappointing guest list, the polyamorous couple presented several other arguments as to why driving halfway to goddamn Eau Claire just wasnt going to happen, including the Tremaines penchant for keeping the central air far too cold, their use of overpowering citrus-scented candles, an irritating techno music playlist, and cat hair all over the couches, the carpets, the stuff in the basementeverything. Though the Finskys said they felt a certain amount of guilt skipping the sex party, they maintained that they would do their best to attend upcoming events. Itll be finewe can just catch up with everyone next weekend over at the Powells, Doug said. Their annual ancient Greecethemed soire is always a blast, and their place is practically just up the street. At press time, the couple had decided to stay in for the night and watch Criminal Minds. 