With the release of the breathtakingly comprehensive and awe-inspiring encyclopedia The selfnews Book Of Known Knowledge now exactly one week away, sources near the worlds coastlines have reported seeing whales beach themselves en masse in a desperate attempt to purchase the forthcoming book. All across the world, were seeing thousands of blue whales, killer whales, sperm whales, and pilot whales deliberately washing themselves ashore in order to reach a bookstore and purchase, at any cost, The selfnewss all-new and absolutely essential book, said local marine biologist Dr. Mark Buhler, who added that many of the large aquatic mammals were also attempting to crawl toward the nearest computer to preorder the magnificent tome, which collects all of the worlds accumulated knowledge. It seems these cetaceans are all willing to risk dehydration and even death just to catch a glimpse of this breathtaking volume of facts, illustrations, and scholarship. Its remarkable. At press time, eyewitnesses reported that millions of birds had also begun to fly in circles above bookstores across the nation in anticipation of the books Oct. 23 release date. 