One week into the criminal trial of alleged mobster James Whitey Bulger, reports surfaced Monday that the accused organized crime kingpin ordered the murders of 19 separate people, according to anonymous testimony from a cheese-eating rat bastard whos about to get whats coming to him in a big way. Though he has so far evaded jail time for his numerous criminal acts, I can confirm that Mr. Bulger personally ordered and in some cases himself carried out the killings of 19 individuals, said the man who just signed his own death warrant, and who sources very, very close to the situation confirmed better not be thinking about showing his face in Dorchester ever again unless its in a fucking casket. While I am aware that my deposition may draw the unwanted attentions of Mr. Bulger and his associates, I believe that this man must atone for his actions. At press time, sources have confirmed that the gutless snitchs testimony could pose an immediate risk to his, shall we say, livelihood, given Mr. Bulgers numerous underworld connections, all of whom are reportedly going to find him no matter how far he runs or how much protection the feds say theyre gonna give him. Recent reports have concluded definitively that Whiteys got friends all over the world, too, so it dont matter if this tale-telling bastard is hiding in Brockton or Timbuktu; theyll sniff his ass out. Thats right, rat. And maybe some of those friends might be sending some guys to tune you up right now. You reading this, you dirty, squeaking rat fuck? If you are, you might want to send a copy of this article to your 9-year-old daughter at sleepaway camp over in Sudbury. We got your attention now, you cocksucking fink? Should have thought about that before you decided to try and fuck Whitey. You dont fuck Whitey, sources concluded. Whitey fucks you. 