A cabbage maggot called a press conference Tuesday to reveal 'urgent' news concerning humanity and the afterlife. 'First and foremost, I can tell you from firsthand experience that reincarnation is very real,' the maggot said. 'Second, though becoming a corporate attorney may seem like an easy route to making loads of money and living the good life, it will ultimately leave you feeling profoundly empty inside. Become a teacher or social worker instead.' The maggot then returned to eating a rotting dog carcass. 