Reportedly going twice a week to his special safe place where hes told he doesnt have to be afraid, local accountant and supposedly grown adult Carl Rowley confirmed Wednesday that he pays a man to sit right next to him in a room and listen to him talk all about his feelings. Its really helpful to talk through my issues out loud with someone who has an objective viewpoint, said the feeble approximation of a mature self-respecting grownup, describing the hour-long sessions in which he nestles himself on a big comfy couch with a soft pillow and tells the nice man how hes sad and lonely and wants everything to feel good again. I think Im making a lot of progress, especially around issues with my family. I definitely think its something every [oh-so-fragile little infant masquerading as an actual grown man] should try. At press time, sources reported that Rowley felt much better after the kindly listening man, a so-called doctor, told him that it was okay to cry. 