No longer occupied by the 2004 election, liberals across the country have returned to the activities they enjoy most: anal sex and cheating the welfare system. 'I've been so busy canvassing for the Democratic Party, I haven't had a single moment for suckling at the government's teat or no-holds-barred ass ramming,' said Jason Carvelli, an unemployed pro-hemp activist. 'Now, my friends and I can finally get back to warming our hands over burning American flags and turning kids gay.' Carvelli added that his 'number-one priority' is undermining the efforts of freedom-loving patriots everywhere. 