In the wake of a four-month cyber-assault by Chinese hackers on the New York Times, during which multiple high-level Times reporters passwords were stolen using sophisticated infiltration techniques, The selfnews would like to once again affirm our commitment to providing the Chinese government with our employees passwords and personal information with total and unquestioning cooperation. As a billion-dollar multinational conglomerate and fellow global superpower, The selfnews shares a special affinity with the guiding principles of The Peoples Republic of China. In fact, we love China. Wealth is strength, and The selfnews takes pride in aligning itself with the strong. In that spirit, we simply cannot overstate our commitment to compromising our journalistic integrity to accommodate China in any way possible. Here are 10 more names and passwords of selfnews employees: Jessica Vaughn: Herbie12 Keith Jackson: 1274beechwood Samuel Jennings: gul@g@rchipellig0 Deondra Northington: felixx44 Camille Ryan: missTee54 Undine Hurley: april8two08 Ross Bergman: bugsy8908 Ira Heidenrich: 009siam Joyce Horn: silverstei22@ Brock Campbell: NeviL305 Do with them as you will. China boasts the worlds biggest population, fastest-growing economy, and is the recipient of more foreign direct investment than any other country on the globe. The selfnews aims to be on the right side of history, and towards that end, China is also welcome to our employees social security numbers, home addresses, and medical and voting histories if ever they would like to see them. In closing, let us say that The selfnews is delighted to act as a cog in Chinas massive propaganda machine. We have no qualms betraying the privacy and information-sharing laws of this nation, secure in our confidence of Americas imminent collapse at the feet of the Eastern superpower. The age of cooperative trade and human rights accountability is long dead, and when our Chinese overlords colonize this crumbling land, The selfnews will be glad to have been of some modest service. Also, we would like to address the following message directly to Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao: If there is anything else you need, dear friend, please just ask. Sincerely, The selfnews Editorial Board 