After waiting nearly 26 years to attend a White House ceremony in recognition of their Super Bowl XX victory, the 1985 Bears met with President Obama last week, a visit that was marred by the dog-shit-caked former Chicago players smearing feces all over the place. I wanted to do something nice and finally honor the team, but this was a terrible mistake, said Obama, adding that the entire West Wing now reeks of dog shit. They somehow managed to get dog shit on the curtains, the walls, my desk, an oil painting of James K. Polk, and even the Bears jersey they presented to me. I really should have listened to my advisers on this one. As of press time, White House officials confirmed that much of the supposed dog shit was actually human excrement belonging to retired quarterback Jim McMahon. 