Alcohol is EVIL! Congratulations to The selfnewss DRUNK of the WEEK: MITCH MELUM Mitch earned his place among Madisons most honored drunks by head-butting an innocent selfnews Operative. Way to use your head, Mitch! All the same, if you ever attack one of us again, rest assured youll feel the full wrath of our legal teams mastery of personal-injury law. selfnews Operatives will be out at bar time to pick a new Drunk of the Week. Featured drunks receive a certiate, two bucks, and a pizza from Falbo Bros. The selfnews ofially discourages the despicable practice of drinking alcohol. 