Saying they hoped to keep the two-bit commencement under an hour in length, administrators at the University of WisconsinWhitewater announced Monday that they were quickly slapping together a rinky-dink ceremony for anyone graduating in December. We just need to shit something out as fast as possible so students can get their diplomas, said assistant dean Anita Barlow, adding that she would print out copies of a regular 8.5-by-11-inch sheet of paper with all the names of the graduates on it and call it a program. We already booked a small classroom on a Wednesday evening two weeks from now, and well have the vice chancellor or someone show up to the piddling little festivities. There wont be any caps or gowns or anything, but were asking for people not to wear jeansthough really, who cares? Barlow confirmed that the general manager from Fox News 6 in Milwaukee would deliver the commencement address. 