I've had a slight financial struggle recently. I  don't see a way out of it. 
How did you get into this situation? 
My girlfriend has gone a little crazy with spending frivolously. 
well I think she should be the one to get you out of it! Otherwise perhaps you could see a financial adviser. They might be able to help you consolidate your debts 
I think I've hadhad an epiphany. After not being serious about religion ever, I may have to turn it over to God... 
Well I have never heard of God helping with financial situations but perhaps if you pray and scrape together enough money for a ticket to Las Vegas all your troubles will be gone
Lol... I went to a Christian school. Never cared before  but now I'm 47. Maybe He can just give me a quick loan??? 
This is a lot to ask for. I recommend going straight to the pope for something of this magnitude