" Well, here we are, honeybee." " Here we are!" "Just about to receive that official document which will eventually bind us together legally as man and wife." "Can you believe it?" "The computer's telling me we have a problem." "Are you familiar with a William Gerard "Rusty" Day?" "All too familiar if you ask me." "He's my ex-husband." "The computer's telling me as far as the state of Florida is concerned," " you're still married to him." " What?" "No." "I can't be." "This has to be some kind of mistake." "You to check your computer." " No way that this is at all possible." " Hold on." "Just one second honey." "Just hold on, sweet pea." "Let me." "Let me talk to her." "Hi, I'm Phil Knight." "I'm the groom." " Good morning." " Good morning." "Assuming what your computer tells you is true." "No, it's definitely true." "This is a brand-new computer." "All right, well, what's the fastest way to resolve this?" "Well, Ms. Day needs to get this, William Gerard" ""Rusty" Day to sign a new divorce decree and she needs to file it again." " Oh, come on." " File it again?" "Well, that seems simple enough." "I appreciate it." " Thanks for your help." " You're welcome." "So for the last 25 years, I have been signing "single" on my tax forms and attending singles' nights at every pickup joint in central Florida, and all this time I've been married?" "!" "I mean, who am I, Phil?" " Whom?" " I'll tell you who you are." "You're Kath Day." "You're the fiancee of Phil Knight, darn it all, and come heck or high water, we're gonna settle this thing." "You understand that?" "Now, where can we find this William Gerard "Rusty" Day?" "You used to do this?" "My mom was the best Jammer in the whole State of Florida." "But she doesn't even talk about it anymore because she's expressed those memories deep down." "It's true I've blocked that part of my life out and it's gonna stay blocked." "Dude, that was sinister!" "I am almost 100% sure roller derby is my new favorite sport." "I am not even kidding right now." "Yeah." "Yeah, it is." "It is decided." "Look." "There's daddy." "Hi, daddy!" "Kim, he's never gonna respond to that." "Come on." "Daddy Rusty Day!" "= 114 =- " COMPETITION "" "VO :" "¤Aka  YaYa¤" "Thanks to :" "YYeTs.net" "Subs-Addicts" [Sub-way.fr]" "You notice how Rusty keeps glancing over here at me?" " I am a big threat to him." " What?" "It's eating him alive that his ex is engaged to a physically-fit, highly-successful, gourmet sandwich shop owner/clotheshorse." "I'm the match that's gonna light that powder keg, blow this whole place sky-high if I'm not careful." "Really?" "That guy?" "He looks sickly." "Is he okay?" "There is no need to be concerned." "He is 100% man." "Congratulations." "You finally hooked yourself one of those "meterosexuals."" "I bet it's easy to get him to go get a pedicure." "First one in the car!" " You're funny, daddy Rusty Day." " He's got 100 of'em." "Listen, why don't you just sign these papers and we'll be on our merry way?" "My Jammer." "Walking disaster." "Glad you could make it, Whitney." "On behalf of the entire Team, I'd like to thank you for showing up to practice today." "Don't even start with me, Rusty." "I think Jamal is cheating on me and his wife." "I had to follow him to work, key his car..." "Look, I got here as fast as I could." "Listen, you can be as late as you want, 'cause I'm bumping you to second string for somebody that actually gives a crap." "You think so?" "Well, I don't sit on anyone's bench, okay?" "I'm out of here." "I quit." "And good luck to you trying to find someone who can replace this magic." "Eat it." "Have a pleasant afternoon." "See you later." " Don't hurt me." " No." "I was just stretching." "It's like looking at myself 20 years ago." "You've still got the pooper for it, too." "Craig." "Stop gossiping with your girlfriend, 'cause my empty hand's still waiting for its diet coke." "Kitten, how long's it been?" "Couple of months?" " Years." " Really?" "Why don't you catch me up?" "What have you been doing?" " I got married to Craig over there..." " Listen, Angel." "Daddy's in a bit of a bind." "I need a Jammer." "Why don't I set you up with some skates, you take a couple of laps, and see if your feet matches your mouth." " Really?" "Can I?" " No, Kim." "Absolutely not." "I do not want you getting involved in the derelectacious" " world of the roller derby." " Come on, Kathy!" "Look at her." "Arms like Skinny Ribbons of tempered steel." "Low center of gravity." "Dead shark eyes." "It's like she was genetically engineered for roller derby." "I really wanna be in the roller derby." "I do." "I do." "I do." "I do." "Just in case we are voting on Kim being in the roller derby," " just like to go ahead and vote yes." " We're not taking a vote, Craig." " This is a democracy." " Come on, Kathy." "If Kim is half the skater you were back in the day," "I can put butts back in these seats." "So you want your papers signed, Kim skates on my team." "Bye, sweetheart." "Keep those grades up." "I can totally join the roller derby cause" " guess what I just found out?" " What's that?" "I'm or 18, so ipso fatso, I can do what I want." "You are as clueless as the day is long." "It's a sport, Kim." "You have to skate." "Every day." "When you're tired, you have to skate." "When you're sick, you have to skate." "When Oprah's giving away her favorite things you have to skate." "Do you remember when she gave away those "cashmire" throws?" " And everyone was screaming." " She has exquisite taste!" " American treasure, that Oprah." " I love her." "Listen, when people think roller derby, they think glitz, glamour, bright lights, big city, la di to the da." "And it is all that." "Sometimes." "But most of the time, Kim, it is the pits on whels." "You are always begging me to get up off the couch and do something." " Okay?" "Make up your mind." " Great news, pot pie." "Just ran into my attorney friend paul down at the candle store." " Right." " He said as long as I can find the original divorce decree that Rusty filed, you don't have to get him to sign another one." "I find that thing, you're officially divorced." "Really?" "Well, that's wonderful news, Phil." "I wouldn't even know where to start." "That's why I'm gonna be first in line city hall" " tomorrow morning when it opens." " You're gonna fight city hall for me?" "For us." "That is just so Davy and Goliath." " It's sexy to the nines." "But I." " What honey bunny?" "I don't know." "The system is just so filled with pigheaded bureaucracy and red tape and governmental "rigamarole."" "Peanut butter cup!" "The system is the very bedrock of civilized society." "Don't talk about the system that way." "Honey bear!" "Love it or leave it!" "Well, I guess I'll have to trust you Phil, but" " Please, please be careful." " Honey, I will." "Phil Knight's not afraid to get his knees dirty." "My hands dirty." "Why would I say my knees?" "That's the craziest." "Knees?" "Good morning." "Morning." "Morning." "Back of the line." "Excuse me." "Tight back here." "This must be the end." "So the new chick Donna, she takes, like, crazy-long breaks, and the manager doesn't say anything." "But I got sick in the bathroom and I got bawled out because I didn't clock out." "Craig, stop talking about your day." "Look at her move!" "So fluid and graceful and forceful." "Is skating her destiny?" "Am I holding her back?" "Gosh, is that turkey still good?" "It said sell by the fourth." "It's the eighth." "She can digest anything." "She's made of iron." "And if Rusty signs the divorce papers, well, it's a win-win." " I have announcement to make everybody." " Everyone?" "It's just me and him." "Be that as it may, I have thought long and hard about this, Kimmy." "I have decided that if you want to join the roller derby you have my blessings." "And you can remain here enjoying my services status quo." "I even have my skating name figured out." "Justine Timberskate." "But isn't he dating Jessica Biel?" "So that would make me, like, Jessica Biel." "She's hot." "That's cool." "Next." " We finally meet." "Six hours!" " I know." "We're moving fast today." "I'm, looking for a divorce decree." "You're in the wrong building in the wrong floor in the wrong department in the wrong office." "You should be in building 56." "They open tomorrow morning at 9:00 am." "Thank you so much." "One th..." "one thing." "Do you, have any water back there?" "You're looking for the cafeteria." "That's in building 53." "Park in the "C" lot." " Sixth floor, north elevator." " Thank you so much." "Sir?" "They're closed." "Here is your stuff." "Dude, you are gonna be so awesome." "I am so proud of you right now, baby." "I'm just like," " You know?" " Thanks." "Must be nice having your own personal bitch." "He's not my bitch." "He's my husband." "Oh, my god, baby." "Baby, I'm so blown away right now." "That you just called me husband in public?" "That is huge." " That is huge, baby." " Hey, you guys wanna borrow him?" " Yeah, totally." " Hey, sure." "Set my girls up with some diet sodey." "Big blue cup, no ice." "If you miss it that much, why don't you just strap on a pair and take'em for a spin?" "My strap-on days are behind me." "Much to your chagrin, i'm sure." "The only reason I'm here is to watch out for Kim and get those papers signed." "Listen." "I've got some time to kill and I would not be opposed to us having us a quickie in the middle stall like we used to." "For goodness' sake, Rusty." "You can be a real PIG, you know that?" " You haven't changed a bit." " Excuse me, miss too-fancy-to-do-it- in-the-middle-stall-anymore." "How about the stall on the left?" "It's handicapped now." "It's got those big bars in it." "You..." "Honey, that sounds like such a hoot but I ran into a little hiccup at building 56." "They moved all their files to the municipal building." "I'm there now and you know what, honey?" "I'm just gonna sleep in the smart car tonight." "I know it sounds crazy, but 6:00 am, I'm gonna be the first one in line, the whole thing's gonna be over with." "Okay?" "I will." "I do, too, honey." "I know." "I know, honey, I will." "I do, too." "You know I do." "Okay, honey." "I do, well, I do, too." "I said that." "So I went high, came flying out of a whip, gave her a hip check, the next thing you know I see her skates flying over the railing going straight into the popcorn machine!" "No way!" "I've heard this story." "They say you like the most bad-ass bitch in the sport." " Guilty." " Craig, feet kind of hurt." "Rub." "Baby." "This is gonna get cold." "Craig." "Feet!" "Mine, too." " Mine, too." " Mine, too." "Sorry, hold on one second." " May I help you?" " Don't anything." " Just give me your wallet." "Come on." " What?" "You're a criminal." "Sorry." "Hold on one second." "Now, hold on." "Fuck's..." "You're not gonna beeve this." "I left my wallet in building 56." "I'm gonna have to go there in the morning." "Just give me, give me the bracelet." " Give me that necklace." "And that ring." " Okay, hold on one second." "Here's the bracelet." "Don't force the clasp on that." "I learned that the hard way." "Now, the Indian Navajo turquoise ring very sentimental, so you may not..." "Want that." "Usually have help with this." "Do you mind?" "Your fingers are cold." "My wallet." "You know what?" " I like that shirt." " Thank you." " Goes well with those shoes." " It does, doesn't it?" "I am so intensely exhausted." "Roller derby may not be my favorite sport anymore." "And girls may not be my favorite people." "I have something for you." "Here." "These elbow pads always brought me luck." "Mom, thanks!" " What's that smell?" " That is the smell of victory 25-year-old sweat and jean nate after bath splash." " I love you." " Darling, I'm so proud of you." "I got it, sugar bean." "I got Rusty's final decree." "You see, the system does work." "All I have to do is go re-file it down at city hall and then we have a big green light on operation sexy nuptials." "What do you think of that?" "Okay, honey." "Me, too." "I do, too, honey." "I love you, too." "Okay." "Great, I'll see you soon." "Okay, ladies." "It's game time." "Let's get out there and break some bones and loosen some teeth." " Let's go, let's go!" " Hey, squirrely." "Why don't you go mop out the showers for me?" "Okay, they're just there's something in the corner that's so scary." "Check it out." "That's right." "Eat it." "Eat it!" "Oh, great." "It's Whitney." "There goes the game." "Get me a scotch, no ice, in a big blue cup." "Yes, sir." " Nice elbow pads." "Your mommy make them?" " Nice face." "Your mommy make that?" "I'm adopted." "Well, even still, she would have made your face." "And I'm gonna crush yours." "It's gonna be pretty hard with your head up your." "Let's go!" "Look at her go." "Knock her down!" "I think we're on to something here." "She's running like crazy." "And there go Justine Timberskate." "Out of the pack!" "She just came out of nowhere." "I don't even think she's skated with that team before." "Justine Timberskate has lapped the pack, scoring a big five points." "She's so fast, she's all dynamic." "She called off the Jam, keeping Whitney from scoring." "Looks like she was born to play this game." "Hi, neighbor." " How are you?" " You look terrible." " You on dope?" " No." "Nothing like that." "Just had a..." "A rough couple of days." "Listen, I need to get this divorce decree filed so that Kath and I can get our marriage license free and clear." "Proper channels." "This is no good." "You need to get this William Gerard "Rusty" Day to sign a new one." "I can't." " Why not?" " 'cause I..." "I don't have anything left." "I'm empty, Linda." "I can't get it signed." "I'm so sorry." " I don't have anything left." " Pull yourself together." "Have you seen my babies?" "These are my babies." "You know they're my babies." "Come on, honey." "Now, look." " What a pretty flower!" " Thank you." "And again, Justine is off to an early lead, embarrassing Whitney." "The newbie is schooling the all-star." "Whitney rams Justine right out of the track." "That's illegal and hurtful." " Mommy!" " I'm coming." "I know." "Oh, good, she's okay." "Get her back in there." "Rusty, she is not going back on the track." "I don't want to." "I hurt my "weg."" "You got railed." "Everybody gets railed." "Now get your butt back on the track." "Mommy, daddy Rusty Day is mean." "I know, sweetheart." "Poor baby." "Phil, the system doesn't work." "Everybody knows that." "Linda, don't say that about the system." "Just because the system doesn't work doesn't mean it doesn't work." "This is interesting." "Team Rusty is down by nine points with no Jammer." "They got 30 seconds to get one on the track and they better hurry up or..." "they're screwed." " Mom?" " Dude." "Destruction Day?" "And the last Jam is on." "Whitney goes down hard." " That's my mother-in-law." " Go mom!" "That was for Kim." "Destruction Day has her work cut out for her." "Her Team's down by nine." "She's still got it." "She's taken Whitney out again." "Destruction Day has done it." "Rusty's roller derby wins!" "Doesn't look that bad, Kiddo." "You'll be back on the track by tuesday." "I'm not skating anymore." "No one told me I could get hurt." "What are you talking about, Angel?" "We can't have a mother-daughter team without the daughter." "No." "Listen to me." "The only reason I did it was because I wanted to show that I could do it one more time." "And I did it." "I did it in spades and beyond in my opinion." "I guess you're not gonna get your signature then, Kathy." "Think again, amigo." "I happen to have some connections down at city hall." "And she was happy enough to dig out some outstanding arrest warrants for one William Gerard "Rusty" Day." "All right." "You win, Kathy." "I'll sign the papers." "See you around, kid." "I'm gonna want to see that next report card." "Bye, daddy Rusty Day." "You know what, ladies?" "Guess what?" "I quit?" "Too." "I am no longer the Team bitch." "Sorry." " Get him!" " Just kidding." "You know what, though?" "Let's talk about you in that outfit." "I mean, my god, I saw you going around that rink like a ferocious man-woman." " You really lit my fuse." " Really?" "'cause I know of a great little stall if you want to have a quickie." "Sorry, sugar snap." "Unsanitary equals unsexy." "You're right." "Let's take a shower instead." "Whose is it?" "I'm breaking it!"