"Love... sex  slander." "Now even though Much Ado About Nothing was written 400 years ago, Shakespeare has captured raw human emotion in a way that is still riveting today." "Still has us glued to our seats." "You know these chairs really aren't the best for sleeping." "Oh, come on!" "You got this innocent young girl and somebody says that she slept with this other guy, right?" "And her reputation is shot and we think she's killed herself." "Now where are you going to find this kind of stuff?" " Melrose Place?" " NYPD Blue?" "Barney?" "My sister says he's gotten edgier." "Mr. Turner, we just can't relate to these characters at all." " Why not?" " Because nobody acts like this." "Just because some guy says something about some girl, the girl wants to kill herself over it?" "They say that stuff about Heather Locklear every week and she doesn't want to kill herself." "She's on the cover of TV Guide." " You're right, Matthews." " I'm right?" " No, you're exactly right." " So am I done with my education?" "Can I go?" "In Shakespeare's day, the play's the thing." "In our day, I guess the thing is TV." "So maybe we should put ourselves on TV and ask ourselves what we think about love, sex and slander." "You mean interview each other?" " Kind of like a documentary?" " Exactly!" "Hey, you know, my uncle Ralph was in a documentary." "They put a big blue dot over his face and changed his voice." "All right, the school's got video equipment." "Let's wear it out, OK?" "We'll split into teams of two." "I want a video report." "Interview your friends, your families and each other." "Lets just see who's got the more mature attitudes " "Shakespeare or us." " Us." " Really?" "OK, my mature young friends, pick partners." "Uh, boy-girl pairs." " Mr. Turner." " Ah, Mr. Feeny." " What's new?" " What's new?" "Yes, what's happening?" "What's shaking?" "Whassup?" "Oh, you know, teaching the kids." "Molding young minds." "What have you heard?" "Word in the halls is that you have abandoned the teaching of English" " in favor of sex, lies and videotape." " Oh, well, you know, we give them these books that have these classic scenes of romance, yet we have no idea what's going on in their heads about sex and love." "Oh, neither do they, Mr. Turner." "You are fueling a fire you should be putting out." "You can't stop them from growing up, George." "You have given them a video camera and a license to talk to each other openly about sex." "That's growing up too fast." "This isn't our place." "It's our place to show them that classic literature still applies." "Show them then, by..." "oh, I don't know, uh, teaching them." "Well, I think I can teach them better if they make the connection themselves." "Mr. Turner, in the matter of sex," "I prefer they make no connection until they are out of our jurisdiction." "Don't you think that thinking is a little antiquated, George?" "I prefer to think of it as classic." "It's just a little project, I think it'll be OK." "That's what Dr. Frankenstein said to all the curious villagers about his little project." " Hi, I'm Topanga Lawrence." " (Cory) In Cory Vision!" "Today we're going to be asking friends and family how they feel about love." " Cory, what are you doing?" " What am I doing?" "I'm adding style to our project." "You gotta move the camera." "Don't you watch NYPD Blue?" "Subway..." "Brooklyn... squad cars." "Lots of cursing." " Mr. Feeny..." " I don't wanna know." "Hi..." "let me stop people in the hall to ask them what their personal feelings are about sex and love." "(bell ringing)" " Cory, there's nobody in the hall." " OK, then, we'll interview you." " Topanga, how do you feel about sex?" " Me?" "Oh well, some people say, "Sex, great anywhere, anytime."" " Who says that?" " Every boy in the world." " Oh, yeah." " To boys..." "let's face it, sex is just a goal." "It's something they're after and they're not really sure why." "I think sex is a part of a special kind of love that you feel for a very special person." "Yeah, fine!" "Now let's wake up the audience." "It's a chase scene..." "Oh, yeah!" " We're going!" " Hey, hey, hey, Matthews," " what the heck you doing here?" " Oh, we're making a documentary." "It's about what everybody thinks about love and stuff." "Hey, that's cool." "What's it about?" " I'll show it to you when it's done." " Can I be in it?" " You're in it now." " You gonna ask me a question?" "OK." "What do you have to say about men and women and... huh... you know?" "OK." "Sex is very beautiful." "Especially within the confines of a loving monogamous relationship." " Preferably marriage." " That's really nice." "Hey, thanks." "Hey, is it all right if I say hi to my kids?" "How do you know if you're in love?" "Well, love is the most amazing, rare and precious thing in the whole world." " Have you ever fallen in love?" " Five times a day." "Whoa!" "Baboon." "Joey tells me you're shooting a documentary in my hallway." "Did I say you could shoot a documentary in my hallway?" " It's OK." "It's for school." " Yeah, yeah... school." "But nevertheless, here I see you shooting without the proper permits." "Permits?" "Yeah, I think what Harley's gonna need here is a location fee" " plus new equipment rental fee." " How much is that?" " How much you got?" " Three bucks." "Three bucks." "But if you let Harley pound your face, maybe we could work out a discount." "Harley, you know, maybe we can avoid all this money and face-pounding if you felt personally involved in this project?" " What are you saying?" " I'm saying I'd put you in the film." "Picture it" "Sex, starring Harley Keiner." "OK, baboon." "Make me a star." "OK, Harley, tell America - what do you look for in a woman?" "Well, that's a very personal subject I have many thoughts on." "Joey, tell 'em what I think." "OK, Topanga, who are we talkin' to next?" " How about you?" " Nah, nah, nah..." "I'm a behind-the-camera kind of guy." " I'll run the camera." " No!" "I've established a visual style here." "I'm a serious artist." "No, no, no, don't tickle me." " Then give me the camera." " No, you don't have my vision." "Hi, Mr. Feeny." "Do you have an opinion on love and sex?" "Yes." "My opinion is, not on school property." "Be careful with that valuable equipment." "What's more important, love or... you know... the other thing?" "Love." "Love is the most important thing in the world, Matthews." "And love is the only thing that makes sex worth having." "Have you ever been in love?" "Not yet, but it's something I'm hoping for and I know it'll happen." "So... have you ever had..." "you know... the other thing?" "What?" "Have you ever had... you know...?" "Because you said you've never been in love." "And if you had... you know..." "when you weren't in love then "you know" must not have been any good." "Who are you, Mike Wallace?" "Hi." "I'm a romantic guy, so to me, love is very important." "And you girls will be surprised to learn that I'm currently available." "(Cory) Yeah, good." "And if this was a dating service, I'd care." "Now talk about your attitudes towards love." "Oh, I'm in favor." "Mostly in favor of candlelit dinners" " and long romantic walks on the beach." " (Cory) Answer the question." " The question is, am I the guy for you?" " (Cory) Cut!" " Now?" "Hi, we're Cory's parents." " Yes, we are." "Both of us." "And I'm Eric Matthews, the guy for you." "Here's the phone, two operators are standing by." "Call now." "(Cory) OK, look." "Here's the deal." "I need you guys to be very mature about this and talk about...." " you know, s-e-x." " On camera?" " It's for school." " What the heck are they teaching you?" "I'll go first." "I'll be very direct." "Sex is like voting." "It's a privilege that you may choose to exercise, when you're old enough." " Go on." " And you don't want to vote for somebody you haven't known for a really long time, or have strong feelings for, because you may be stuck with that person for quite a while." "Yes, sex is like voting." "You go behind a curtain, you do your thing, and then you get to do it again..." "in four years." "(Cory) Topanga, how do you feel about sex?" "Me?" "Oh, well, some people say, "Sex, great anywhere, anytime."" "Stop... stop." "Rewind." " (tape rewinding)" " Listen, we have to make cuts on this." "Tell me what you think of this." "(Cory) Topanga, how do you feel about sex?" ""Great anywhere, anytime."" " (wheezing)" " I'll kill you!" "You can't kill me." "I'm half your grade." "This is going to take all night." "Hi, Mom?" "I'm at Cory's." "Yeah, I'm gonna have dinner over here, OK?" "Yeah, they'll give me a ride home when we're finished working." "All right, bye." "This way they won't make me come home for dinner." "We can get this all done." "Pretty smooth." "Now watch the king." "Hi Mom, I'm at Cory's." "Ooh!" "Hi, Mrs. Matthews?" "Is it OK if Cory has dinner over at my house?" "We're gonna work on the project over here, all right?" "OK." "Bye." "Nice work, "king."" "All right, who's next?" "Love is really great... and it's even better if you love someone who likes you better than you like her, 'cause then she'll pay for stuff." "And if she's paying, love is way cool." " That's disgusting." " He's my best friend." "How many more tapes?" "All right, what's this one?" "You interviewed Janitor Bud?" "What do the ladies respond to exactly?" "It's the uniform." "A turn-on." "I can't explain it." "(beeper goes off)" "V.I. C. Oh, that's vomit in the cafeteria." "Gotta go." "Good luck with your show, honey." "You wasted video tape on this?" "What are you doing?" "Are you sleeping?" "I'm not sleeping." "I'm right with you." "I hear everything you're saying." " No you don't." "You're sleeping." " I'm not sleeping, I'm just..." "Just give me ten minutes." "I swear, ten minutes I'll be back, I'll be fresh." "Fine, I'll do this myself." "Honey, I just called Topanga's parents and there's no answer." "Maybe they're voting." " They're probably bringing Cory home." " Yeah, you're probably right." " OK, I'm gonna turn in." " Mm-hmm." " You wait up, OK?" " When he gets home, can I wake you up?" " What for?" " To exercise your right as an American." "Oh, that..." "No, let me sleep." "But don't you worry, honey." "There's another election next November." " Alan..." " What?" "!" "It's 7:00 in the morning." "Where's Cory?" " Uh, he must be in his room." " Well, he better be." "I'm certain he is." "Wait, I'll go look." " Mr. Feeny." " Good morning, Janitor Bud." "Come quick." "Have I got something to show you." "Not another squirrel in the boys' locker room, I hope?" "Better." "I tried poking them with my mop..." "nothing." "You want me to spill some ammonia on their heads?" "Ahem!" "Five more minutes, Mom." "Good morning, sunshine." "Breakfast is on the table." "Today we're having a big bowl of sugar-frosted... you've got a lot of explaining to do." "Yes, yes, they are both fine, Amy." "Now, be patient, you'll have your chance with them after I have mine." "Take care now." "Mr. Feeny, I gotta go change, I gotta go shower." "If you don't let me go home, I'm gonna be late for school." "Sit!" "Now, the two of you spent the night unsupervised on school property." "Oh, Mr. Feeny, what do you think happ..." "Oh, my God!" "Mr. Feeny, nothing happened." "How could you think that?" " We're totally innocent." "Tell him, Cory." " Oh, my God!" "Mr. Feeny, we were working late on our documentary." "I fell asleep, then Cory fell asleep." "That was it." "Serious violations like this call for swift decisive action." "Uh..." "While I decide what that is, you're both dismissed for the rest of the day." " Mr. Feeny..." " Hmm?" "Can we just keep this little incident between us?" "Of course, Miss Lawrence." "Totally hush-hush." "No one need know at all." "(cheering)" " What's going on?" " You are a god." " What are you talking about?" " Like you don't know." "Like you didn't spend the night with Topanga." " All we did was edit." " Hey... you call it what you want." " But you are the man." " I'm not the man." "There's the man." "There he is, barely three feet high." "I mean, not much to look at, but inside... there lurks a little Harley Keiner." "So uh... so Matthews..." "Come on, tell the truth now." "Did you sleep with her?" "Did you sleep with Topanga?" "Well, that's a very private, personal, intimate quest..." "Hey!" "Are you the man..." "or are you just you?" "I guess..." "I'm the man." "Come." "Let us commemorate this occasion." " This is not what I had in mind." " Come here." "So, Mr. Turner, your little project seems to have spiraled totally out of control." "Who could have possibly foreseen that?" "George, I think we both know what happened here." "Yes." "You have proven that our attitudes about sex have not changed for 400 years." "And that a rumor can still destroy a young girl's reputation." "Rumors can only exist when things aren't out in the open." "I was trying to get them to move from rumors and secrets" " to honest, open discussion." " You gave them an assignment about sex" " and then you left them unsupervised." " Yes, because I trust them." " And was your trust justified?" " The assignment isn't in yet." "It was a terrible idea and I should have nipped it in the bud." " What?" "!" " Not you!" "OK." " They come down hard on you?" " My kids are grounded." "Listen, think you could sneak out for about a half an hour?" "What are you kidding?" "I'm under 24-hour watch." "Man, everybody's waiting for you down at Chubby's." "I'm telling you, you are a god!" "Why is that, Shawn?" "Why is my son so god-like and popular?" "Because... people have finally begun to realize how well brought up he is?" "That the best you can do?" "Yeah, well, my mom smoked when she was pregnant." " Go home." " Thank you." "OK, Mr. Popular... you're on." "Look Dad, a lot of people at school have this wacky idea that more happened between me and Topanga" " than happened to me and Topanga." " What do they think?" " They kinda think I slept with her." " Why do they think that?" "Because technically, I did." "And technically you didn't bother to clear up this misconception?" "Dad, they think I'm somebody now." "Guys who used to beat me up wanted to have their pictures taken with me." "Cory, Topanga's here to see you." "She's waiting in the living room." "Oh, OK, could you tell her I'm not here?" "Oh, of course, that would be the right thing to do." "Topanga, he's right in here." "Son, if we stayed, would it be any easier for you?" " Yeah, it would." " Yeah..." " Hey, Topanga, how you doing?" " Not great." "But I hear you're doing pretty good." "Look..." "You know, people are gonna talk, but that's all it is, just talk." "And in a few days, they're talking about something else." " It'll be like this never happened, right?" " You want me, Cory?" " What?" " You heard me." "You want me, take me." "Everybody thinks you did it already, so go ahead and do it." " Come on, Topanga... stop." " What's the matter, Cory," " aren't you the man?" " Look, I just said what I said" " because everyone wanted me to say it." " Well, you know what I want?" "I want my good name back." "Oh, well, you know, some people might argue that" "Topanga's not the best name to begin with." "You know what I mean, Cory, and I hope you know how I feel." "I feel like you used to be a good friend and now..." "Now I don't know what you are." "But I don't like you." "OK." "Everybody settle down." "Settle down, it's show time." "First up, the tape by Topanga and Matthews." "(class) Ooh...!" " You're in this class?" " I'm in the movie." " Mr. Turner, a word?" " Mr. Feeny..." "You here to watch the tape?" "No, actually I'm here to express my surprise that you're going to watch the tape." "Any chance you might rethink that decision?" "All right, class." "Mr. Feeny's of the opinion that our discussions about sex and love and gossip and slander can only lead to more sex and love and gossip and slander." "I have to say, so far he's right." "Now, I have not seen this tape, but I hope my trust has not been misplaced in you guys." "Has it?" "Why don't you ask him?" "Matthews?" "I think if we don't watch it, we'll never know anything." "My student says we should show it." "Well then, perhaps we should." "What is the most important advice you have for teenagers about sex?" "Be careful with that valuable equipment." "Cheap editing trick." "I think sex is part of a special kind of love that you feel for a very special person." "Love is the most important thing in the world, Matthews." "And love is the only thing that makes sex worth having." "Sex is part of a special kind of love." "Love is the most amazing, rare and precious thing in the whole world that you feel for a very special person." "(white noise)" "Hi." "Look, I didn't want to be in this documentary because I didn't have that much to say about sex and all." " What's this?" " The Special Director's Cut." "And the reason I don't have that much to say about sex is because I don't have a lot of experience in that area." "Some people think I do, but I don't." "And if I let people think that I had some experience with someone, well... you know, it really isn't fair to that person that I didn't have the experience with." "Well, perhaps this project is gonna serve some purpose after all." " I'm shocked." " Me too." "So I'd like to say, I'm sorry to that person... and I should have acted more mature." "You know, maybe we haven't come as far as we'd like to think in the last 400 years." "(sighs)" "OK." "Cut it, Shawn." "Stop the camera, Shawn." " OK." "Now tell her how much you love her." " Shut up." "I do not." "Then why would you do this for her if you don't love her?" "Because she's my friend." "(Shawn makes kissing noises)" "Will you stop the camera, Shawn?" "Shawn!" "Friend?" "Friend." "When we read these books in class, it seems to me that the authors construct scenes of love which to me, do not seem based in reality." "(Cory) Well, what's your idea of reality?" "A moonlit night." "The back seat of my Chevy Impala." "And the lilt of some sweet girl's voice whispering in my ear..." ""Hey!" "You're crushing my cigarettes!"" "That's love."