"Free your mind and the rest will follow" "Three hundred?" "!" "Kids cost a lot of money, you know..." "Can't she sleep on the couch?" "Where do we watch TV then?" "Selfish pigs." "Go ahead, take her with you" "Same time next month." "Right, Daddy?" "We'll get at least 5e for the CD" "Whadda-ya say, you did great!" "Coming up next, our very own child star from way back when" "Don't fall off the stage, Laura!" "Hey Laura!" "Take them all off!" "Shut up, prick!" "It's the faggot brothers!" "He`s Mr. Faggot to you!" "I can't hear you!" "Come closer!" "Hard to speak mouth full of sperm, eh?" "Right, take a sip and have some balls too!" "If you fight I'll ban you from the bar" "Let's fight!" "He's never been banned so far." "We got lucky this time..." "...a VCR!" "We can watch porn all night long." "Timo, hey..." "Your kind of porn too" "Timo hey, where does the tape go in?" "The tape slot" "See my point?" "That's some VCR." "l'd say so" "A VCR and record player all in one." "Put that bloody bag away!" "Let's go home and watch porn." " l'll stay out tonight" "Hi there." "Hi" "What's up, boys?" "Timo stole a Karaoke set for a VCR and Bulk ate a bottle." "Really?" "So what!" "You eat the cone with the ice cream, dontcha?" "Where the hell did you learn that?" "Home economics, eighth grade I almost got banned from the bar." "Great." "Now let's open shop" "Boy sang some mean Karaoke tonight!" "Who the hell taught him that?" "lt wasn't his Dad, for sure" "HlRVONEN  SONS AFTER-HOURS BOOZE AND SNACKS" "PEARLS AND pigs" "But when you are not around me I'm breathless with nothing left" "I lost my love to the four winds save me now or when you find it fit" "Save me..." "Damn, too late to take a leak!" "The commercials are still on ls your child a good singer and a talented performer?" "If so, you may wish to enter this year's Super Kid Contest!" "Win a brand new car, and 20 000 euros tax-free" "Call the number on the screen, and you're in!" "If Boy was still eight years old, he'd definitely win" "He still could, eh?" "Let's just shorten him a little" "You bloody moron!" "MATULA" " THE GERMAN private EYE" "Matula's gonna get beaten up twice tonight. -l say once I'll bet 5 e on it." "l say twice too" "Once." "Zero times" "He always gets beaten up." "It's the charm of the series I changed my mind." "I say zero too" "No more changing bets!" "Isn't that so, Dad?" "You play the cards that God dealt you" "You heard him." "And God just dealt me a wild card" "Which I'm using now!" "Shut up, boys!" "This episode's directed by Uli Möller" "3-1 score!" "You'll pay for the booze next month, or your head will roll" "Hi, this is Marita from Babies Are Us Magazine  had a chance to look at the free sample we sent you?" "Hello?" "Bloody hell!" "You just lost a subscriber!" "Dad got the door open!" "Yes!" "liquor STORE" "Hey, guys!" "And you too, Pam." "Come over here" "You guys up for some free vodka?" "What the hell is this?" "Not good enough for you, fancypants?" "lt is, it is" "You didn't see us here today?" "No, we didn't" "Sure about that?" "Hello." "Hello." "What can I get you?" "Something to go with...crayfish" "That would be white wine." "What price range were you thinking of?" "Cheap, I mean... expensive" "CLOSED FOR renovations I'll see what we have." "No." "You have to stay there" "This is a hold up." "Help!" "Nobody move!" "ls this the end of my young life?" "Help, he's going to kill him!" "l'm too young to die!" "I didn't quite follow" "lt's a hold up." "Do as I say I hear the Hounds of Hades barking on my heels!" "Are you serious?" "Yes, I am" "Help!" "But don't call the police" "Be quiet, dammit!" "The cash register's pretty empty this early in the day- but if you come back after the tourists have stopped by..." "Fuck the tourists!" "I need booze, a lot of it 30 cases of domestic vodka." "l'm not sure we have it in stock" "Make up for the rest with Russian!" "Would that be Stoli or..." "Whatever." "l'll go see to it" "Just take it easy in the meanwhile I'll kill everyone if the cops show up!" "You don't see much of them around here" "What a weirdo." "You did good, Dad" "With a little more practice, I'd have done even better lf we pull this through, we'll get you a role on Matula" "Nope." "The gig is just getting to me" "What the hell is taking so long?" "Well, I've got to pack the bottles and the stockroom is a mess..." "Go easy on it, boys I thought you said you'd never drink again?" "When the stuff's this good, you can't call it drinking" "You're sure about this?" "Here, sons." "My silver medal drink." "From the bartending contest?" "Right, 1986." "Who won?" "Lehikoinen, but with jury tactics" "Not the bartender from our pub?" "The same son of a bitch" "Silverdick!" "What did he do?" "Got the jury so drunk that- his halfwit brother was the only member sober enough to vote" "There's no justice in the world." "Let's drink to that" "Don't spill it on the register, Jussi's gonna get mad" "Jussi!" "Will you be our driver?" "Roots... roots... beet roots...!" "Daddy, make me a new drink!" "This one... kind of missed" "Jussi!" "Keep on carrying that vodka!" "l'm sorry... bad back" "Lade, hey." "Listen, son" "If something should ever happen to me..." "You know how your brothers are..." "Now what would ever happen to you?" "Forget it, Dad." "We'll be fine" "Right on" "Look at them... I say nothing." "You didn't read me my rights" "They only do that in America." "And we're not as good as them, eh?" "I can't go to jail, I already have a tattoo." "Cool, isn't it?" "How could I have recognized Dad he was wearing a mask?" "So it was just a coincidence that the whole Hirvonen family was there?" "No, it wasn't." "We're all kind of fond of booze" "And the only place to get it the liquor store I got so drunk in the end I wouldn't recognized my own father" "And I didn't, did I?" "What was the question?" "l'll go straight to the answer" "Your father gets charged and the rest of you get the hell out of here" "Thou shalt not play God" "A man tried it once, with pretty ugly results" "Erkki Valtteri Hirvonen will be to prison for 2 years" "The other suspects are found guilty in lack of evidence- and are to be released" "You guys owe us a lot of money." "No kidding?" "Don't be so cocky" "Either you pay, or you die and pay" "And if you were planning to leave town, think about the old man" "See him running with that ball and chain?" "This ain't funny" "Pig and Sty are an ugly lot- You'd better disappear for a while." "And leave Dad in trouble?" "You're not worth shit without your father" "And your landlord's been looking for you. lt's about the rent" "10 e says Matula gets beaten up twice" "And we die six times over." "Six is my best bet too" "No visitors." "We're in mourning" "Fuck off!" "Situation over, Timo!" "Shut up" "This just keeps getting better" "Congratulations, guys." "You've got a healthy sister" "What the hell do we do with her?" "Let's throw her back in the staircase I've got Celiac disease." "What?" "It means that bread makes her fart" "Goodbye boredom." "Hey guys, do we have any bread?" "Hey, Lade... guys." "Yeah?" "Help!" "What's wrong with her?" "What do you think?" "Ask her wouldn't she rather cry on the couch than behind it" "Yeah, why don't you just worry about that" "Ask her yourself I don't speak Child." "Hey Bulk, do you speak Child?" "No, but Lade does" "Lade, hey." "We can speak child now" "Leave it to us experts" "This is where l sleep at home too." "This is where she sleeps at home" "You speak Child really well." "ls she a child or a dog?" "Here, girl, fetch!" "Lade, can you interpret?" "So what do we do now?" "How the hell should I know?" "What did you do as a kid when you were feeling bad?" "Jumped on the bed, drank booze and went out stealing" "Not necessarily in that order" "And then my all time favorite..." "360 degrees" "Bulk used to play jumping over the river when he'd pee in bed" "Piranha river, piranha river..." "Get lost, Lade" "And you can fall on your back like this and it doesn't hurt" "Hey, it's Saara's turn." "There's not enough room for us all" "You have to wait for your turn" "Come on, try it I can jump." "There's not enough room" "OK, start jumping, just small bounces, hop, hop, hop... I'll just jump here then" "Then try higher." "Over the river and back" "Watch out for the piranhas..." "Higher, higher, 360 degrees!" "Guys, we just need a plan." "So start fucking making one I'm gonna go pick a fight." "With whom?" "Anyone." "Wait, I'll come with you" "Where are you going?" "Anywhere" "I brought the midget back." "Thanks very much for the loan lt's his bastard." "He don't pay, he takes care of her" "You can't be serious." "Try me" "Sit right there." "She'll let you in soon" "NO FREE distribution - A hundred for a shag" "So the others couldn't make it?" "I guess they're scared." "It's not easy when things change" "Maybe you boys should move some place where no one knows you I'll be okay here." "Don't worry, we'll sort it out I just have to get the boys back in line- which may be more easily said than done" "You never told us about Saara, then?" "It was just a one-night stand I didn't find out about Saara until she was born" "And by then I had my hands full with the four of you I just never got around to it." "She came over last night" "That figures." "Not a very cheerful child" "Hardly surprising, if you look at her folks" "But we're her folks too!" "Wanna fight?" "Sure I bet you a cookie that the guy did it" "The mutant." "You're on" "You fucking faggot!" "Come back here!" "You can't have this..." "Go Bulk, go..." "Kill him!" "Come on, get up!" "East Side's the best!" "POWER KARAOKE" "The bottle return's not working." "l'll take it." "Here's your deposit" "The recycling machine won't accept any bottles. -l'll take a look at it" "We'll come back later to see if it's fixed." "OK" "Good work, Saara ls that the first money you ever got?" "Yeah" "Turn it up." "No, the other 'up'" "Which do you like better?" "Chips or cheese puffs?" "Cheese puffs." "Excellent." "So do I" "Can't hear you!" "The mike's howling!" "If you're feeling alright, clap your hands!" "Clap in your pants!" "I've got good news and bad news" "First the bad news!" "No, first the good news!" "I listed the bad news first" "We're broke, we're on a hit list, and Dad's in jail" "Those were the good news?" "But we have lots of chips and cheese puffs and..." "Yeah, two whole bags." "One of each 16 liters of flat beer in a jerry can, save some for us, Bulk... and it tastes like diesel oil." "Petrol I said diesel oil." "PETROL!" "Hey, let me finish..." "And save the condoms." "We can still use them" "How can I talk when the whole house is falling apart around me?" "Keep talking, it's a great speech." "We won't interrupt anymore" "You're the family funny man." "Let's give him a little big hand" "Go on, it's a good speech." "And then we have this new Korean..." "chinese!" "Karaoke set." "and a new family member" "Thanks a hell of a lot." "Let's party!" "Now that we're done with warm-up, let the Karaoke contest begin" "And now let's see who'll be the first performer" "And his name is..." "Eros Ramazotti!" "That's me" "He'll do a song called "Tears of Despair"" "Yes, my name really is Eros Ramazotti" "Take it away, Eros!" "I wrote this song especially for tonight" "It goes like this" "You left, and the fields were flooding" "The stars died out, and the wind was howling" "The rivers were filled with tears of despair" "This song is so Timo." "And now the synthesizer" "The night ends and a new day dawns so bright" "Oh home, sweet life..." "How I love you... I can't sing." "I've got a terrible cold" "Thank you, Bulk." "Saara, do you want to sing?" "That's okay." "You don't have to" "But let's give Saara a big hand for helping with the party!" "Ladies and gentlemen, here's tonight's main act..." "Boy!" "This one goes to Dad" "See the tree how big it's grown but friend it hasn't been too long it wasn't big" "I laughed at her and she got mad the first day that she planted it was just a twig" "Then the first snow came and she ran out- to brush the snow away so it wouldn't die" "Came running in all excited, slipped and almost hurt herself" "And I laughed 'til l cried... lt's OK, we'll manage somehow." "We are the Hirvonens, after all!" "Hell, I 'm a Hirvonen!" "I'm a Hirvonen, you Hirvonen?" "Me Hirvonen too..." "Saara, come out." "You sang great, there's nothing to be ashamed of" "What's going on here?" "Nothing." "Go back to bed I've gotta take a leak." "Don't shout, you'll scare her!" "What are you, parent of the year?" "l'll explain in the morning" "A miracle has happened." "Better wash the coffee pot then- or you'll have cafe au miracle in the morning" "Saara, hey." "Please come out" "And now I present you our new super kid, Saara" "Saara is going to sing us a song called "Love's Last Farewell"" "Press the button and it'll start" "That's one hell of an artist you signed up" "Very funny." "When you have no idea what's going on" "At her pace you'll sell at least a hundred gigs a night" "Was she good, really?" "Hell, yeah" "So maybe it's a stupid idea, but what have we got to lose?" "That's it." "I'm gonna go pick a fight" "Well?" "l haven't finished my Donald Duck" "You really believe in that super kid shit?" "What's there to lose?" "If Pig and Sty see we're trying, it could buy us some more time- while we think of something better." "What say you, Brother Timo?" "I'd see it as a better alternative than selling our internal organs" "Give me a... pass... so..." "What?" "give ME A BACKSTAGE PASS SO I CAN TAKE A shit !" "Did I articulate myself clearly enough?" "I'm drawing helmets on the ducks" "Lade, these are in alphabetical order." "Look what I found" ""Eagles don't use stairs"" "That's it." "I've fucking had it!" "Do you have any books that make kids go la-la?" "We have some song books." "Do they work?" "In what way?" "Do they make kids go la-la?" "It doesn't work that way." "So you don't know, huh?" "I wonder what you get paid for!" "I made the logo of the employment office. -lt's missing the spot" "That looks better. lt's 3-D!" "l'm the Michelangelo of multivitamins" "What...oh, great helmets!" "Now Donald won't hurt his head" "Listen: for healthy self-confidence, involve the child in daily tasks I can teach her to fight, if someone else buys her the booze" "They're referring to a normal family, you idiot" "Are you saying we're not normal?" "What's normal, anyhow?" "Dad's in jail, four grown men living under the same roof..." "Never done an honest day of work..." "Between the four of us, we get laid once a year, if we're lucky" "We'd do a higher average if Boy did his bit" "Now I eat the employment office" "Hey, I found it child who refuses to do something developmentally essential- or doesn't wish to learn some new, significant skill- can be inspired to do so in form of play" "Huh?" "lt's singing time I made you an employment office too" "Did you now?" "Sure did I'm not letting it burn!" "How is it?" "C minus" "Let me stir." "l'll keep the stove on, then" "And you!" "Start setting the table." "ln form of play, remember?" "You look cool with those crumbs flying out your mouth." "You too" "Hey Saara, let's play this food game" "The guys and I are murderers on our way to the gas chamber" "And as our last wish, we ask for soup" "Or Slurp, as we call it here" "You're the warden and you bring us spoons and plates..." "And knives so we can cut each other's stomachs open" "You know what's inside a human being?" "All that great stuff like guts, we can use them as noodles..." "Sounds fun, huh?" "Yeah, but it's more like a boys' game I'm a boy, I think." "But she isn't" "You play with her then" "Never mind him." "His games have always been kind of violent" "He's the family idiot" "Look, Barbie's dancing happily like this." "Do that trick!" ""We girls can do anything..."" "And suddenly she becomes possessed..." "See?" ""l come from hell..."" "What's with her?" "Spoiled shitless, that's all" "But the evil's still in the woman!" "Brother Bulk, pass the holy water!" "Coming up!" ""Vade retro spiritus...- spiritus vade retro..."" "Let go, you demon!" "Saara, we have this little custom to sing a food song before eating" "What's the song called?" "The Food Song." "Yes!" "I copied the words so we can all sing together" "All rise" "I wanna learn it by heart." "Just read it from the paper" "But I have musical ambitions." "Stand up, smartass" "Well, if we're in a rush." "On the count of four: one, two..." "Gee, it'll taste so good." "I can smell the food" "The eggs are frying on the pan, then I run so fast, oh man" "Hey, that's enough." "Knock it off" "...Then I run so fast, oh man." "See, I learned it by heart!" "And without using your hands." "Without using my hands" "I won" "You shouldn't pick on someone smaller" "No huh?" "Wanna stay hanging up there for the rest of the day?" "I'm gonna throw up on you." "Hey Lade, she's one of us!" "And now the final moments of "Look Who's Singing Now" are at hand" "You know the rules." "You have to guess who's singing on tape" "Let's start with the first sample" "That was you." "Yup, it was me" "OK, lets move on." "Here's the next one" "Roots... beet roots... lt must be a monster." "lt was Sepultura" "Or at first it was..." "but then I improvised" "Yeah, so much for that." "Let's give Timo a little big hand" "And now to our last contestant..." "Where's the sarcasm now, Bulk?" "Great soundtrack for the snuff film we'll make about you" "The song's not bad" "The voice was a bit hissy." "Might be due to the microphone" "What do you say?" "Let's talk" "When's the contest?" "Halfway through August" "How much can you get from it?" "Twenty grand" "You'll pay us fifteen in August, or you're dead" "Snuffed out" "Snuffed indeed" "How much time do we have?" "3 weeks, and that's the good news" "The kids are selected for regional trials on the basis of the tapes" "And in the finals they have also interviews and a talent section" "What the hell is that?" "A display of a child's talent in an optional field" "Drinking, stealing and farting excluded" "Shit, our special fields of expertise. -l was kidding, moron" "Phew. I'd hate to see a good case of Celiac disease wasted" "We need someone to coach Saara." "This won't work otherwise" "Saara hey, come here." "We need some personal details for this  Housing Department form" "Did you see my lollipop?" "A froggypop!" "It's Saara's." "Put it away or she'll go mad. -lt's my froggypop" "You're not thinking of asking that singing barfly to help us?" "Remember as kids when Mom took us to see her sing at the mall?" "The mall sucks." "Security cameras everywhere" "Well, it's not like we did do much stealing back then." "Nope" "Sorry we're late." "Laura drove" "Quit showing your ass to everybody, you slut!" "Show us your hand, asshole!" "Dammit, an ace!" "Hey, wanker!" "Hey, it's the Faggot Brothers." "What are you staring at?" "Looking for a blowjob?" "Looks like all you need is an onion ring around your dick, to make a fine Greek salad" "It's the Feta cheese in a Greek salad, you moron" "You're gonna fucking die now!" "Why don't you just sit down?" "No one asked you anything" "Sit the fuck down!" "We'd like to speak to the lady here I'm gonna take this dog for a walk." "No animals allowed in here" "Your company can't be worse than them for an old kebab like me" "Old kebab?" "Meat gone around, half cow, half sheep ls that an old saying?" "l just made it up" "Wow!" "What a beautiful voice." "Would you coach her?" "Thanks but no thanks." "I've quit the music scene" "Say hi to your father from me" "Bulk, come on out!" "Remember the legwork, you have to keep moving" "When Bulk moves, you move!" "Saara hey, you can't stop." "Keep the legs moving!" "Now in time with the music, faster!" "Don't let him get near you!" "Go, go, keep the rhythm." "Keep spinning, don't stop!" "Close the gap!" "Who's gonna get this trophy?" "!" "Don't let him get near you!" "Start moving your mouth towards the ears" "As high up as you can, higher..." "All the way up to the ears, showing your teeth..." "There you go." "Now flash your teeth" "Not like a grimace but more relaxed..." "Now pull the sides of your mouth ever ever closer to the ears..." "And don't forget to blink your eyes" "Great, very good." "Now!" "There's a smile!" "And now a series of punches." "Great, and Bulk falls down" "Now come here, quickly." "Put your foot on top him" "And then the smile" "Excellent, Saara." "It's a good start" "Are you ready?" "Here goes..." "And now do the boxing stuff." "What?" "Box to the tune of the song" "The other hand." "Not the one with the mike" "Now the smile." "Like when you won the match" "Now turn around slowly." "l can't, I need to see the words" "Need to see the words, huh?" "Just turn around bravely" "Look up at us" "She fainted" "At least the mike's still working" "This Karate Kid method of yours is a real killer I've had it with you pissass bums!" "You guys could at least try!" "Give me a Christmas Special, Lehikoinen" "So you came here looking for trouble?" "Yeah ...like a tattoo here saying "Juhis and Laura forever"..." "You can always have the arm cut off..." "Oh shit, that fucking queen wants you!" "Where?" "OK, boys." "Let's beat the shit out of that faggot!" "Aren't you guys so tough." "Yeah, and hard in the right places" "Does this turn you on?" "ln your dreams lt turns me on." "Me too" "All set?" "All set" "Laura!" "Hi." "What are you doing here?" "Thought you might use the backdoor." "Oh?" "Have you thought about my offer?" "Sorry, but I'm done with music lf you can't face your past, you'll find it in your future" "What the fuck do you think you know about my past?" "Nothing. I'm sorry" "And the book where l read that line sucked, anyhow" "Got a light?" "Crappy flat, lousy food, ugly and horny flatmates..." "You get two grand if we win, to give you a fresh start" "That's a really shitty offer" "You've got an hour to pick up your stuff I saw the homo hop in there" "SEE YOU" " NOT!" "Let's go" "That's Bulk." "Hi." "Laura" "And the next one's Boy." "Hi, I'm Boy" "And that's Timo." "Hi." "Laura ...hi..." "Hl." "Hi" "Anyone want the rest?" "So what do we do now?" "Have you told her your plan?" "We have like... sort of hinted..." "So you haven't told her anything?" "That's one way of putting it." "Good." "Does she drink coffee?" "Yeah, with lots of milk and two sugars" "Should I go get her?" "No" "Bulk, stop staring!" "I mean it" "Good Morning lt's okay, I just brought you some coffee" "I'm Laura, I'm a friend of the boys I'm Saara." "Hi Saara" "Do you like it here?" "Are the boys nice?" "Well, Lade's nice." "But Timo's kind of weird" "What have you guys been doing?" "Singing and fighting" "You know I heard you sing on tape." "It sounded really beautiful" "You must like singing?" "I get scared when there's someone listening" "Would you let me teach you?" "Yeah, but teach the boys too" "Their singing is awful, and they never stop" "OK, I promise." "For sure?" "For sure" "The trick is not to think about the audience at all" "Just pick one nice person in the audience whom you sing to" "And when you see that that one person likes your show- you know everyone else likes it too" "What if he doesn't like it?" "Don't worry, he will I got it. lf l had Boy with me when I was trying to pick up a girl- she'd keep her eyes fixed on him, and I could feel her up in the meantime" "Man, you guys are stupid!" "Nice touch, boys." "Are you ready?" "OK, guys." "Out you go." "We'll try it alone first" "Lade's the nice one." "Nice Lade." "Shut up!" "Could I take these home to be fitted?" " For 24 hours only" "Can I see your l.D.?" "We'll be expecting them back tomorrow." "Sure, thanks I'd like to try on a leather jacket, but they're chained to the rack" "Could you...?" "l'll come and show it to you" "I'm taking these home to be fitted." "The girl must have missed a tag" "Let's go and check the files" "What name is it under?" "Hirvonen." "Right there" "So it seems." "lt's good to keep an eye on things" "She must have missed one of the tags." "Yeah, it happens sometimes" "A performing outfit for my sister." "Thank you" "Right." "Thanks a lot." "Bye" "You're supposed to guess how many times Mr. Matula gets beaten up" "And the one who comes the closest gets all the cookies" "This is such a thrill, really the highlight of the week" "Well I say zero times." "l say zero too" "Me too." "Judas" "Zero times." "And zero for me too I mean... three times" "Still wanna change your bet?" "Make it zero" "Look at the nice person" "And now smile a little" "Baywatch passing gas?" "l'm the bailiff asking for cash I just wanna see if you're wearing a wire" "You look like you jumped right out of a German detective series" "Go away now" "Your rent is due." "You'll have to pay." "l've had it" "Say hi to your mom!" "He's still there" "You mean that if we don't give you the money." "Big guys will come in and carry out your stuff" "A wave for the big guys!" "How big are the big guys?" "l mean it" "Now get your ass down the stairs, and we pretend you never existed" "No. I will not leave." "Sure as hell you will!" "You can't get to sleep?" "Are you worried?" "About what?" "All kinds of stuff" "Do you miss home?" "No, or..." "I'm not sure I hate it there and like it here, but everything's just so strange" "Should we go see your friends tomorrow?" "I haven't got any" "You've got me, and those idiots in the next room" "We can go see them in the kitchen tomorrow." "That's what we'll do" "And hey... thanks, Saara." "What for?" "Just thanks." "Shall we sleep now?" "Yeah, let's sleep." "Okay" "COME AND SEE THE NEXT SUPER kid'S final REHEARSAL" "BE ON YOUR balconies AT8 PM" "P.S.THOSE WHO DON'T APPLAUD will BE punished SEVERELY" "Dear guests of honor- l present you Saara, the next Super Kid of the year" "Give her a nice round of applause, or we'll be getting back to you" "I can say thank you from language to language- and bid greetings to you all" "But I can't catch a star that shines in the early dawn l can bear hardness and hardship keep quiet if that's my call" "Leave a wreath on the grave and keep going on" "Love has died in the river of life" "Save me if it's on the line." "Save me, save me..." "What song are you going to sing?" ""Loves Last Farewell"" "It's a great song" "I welcome you all to the 2003 Super Kid Eastern Finland Trials" "10 promising young performers have been selected here- on the basis of the tapes they have sent in" "Saara Mäkinen is the best!" "And our jury members today are..." "Marilyn, Marilyn, if I could turn back the time" "The old folks tell tales of how the devil..." "The cat broke its ribs, when it played, meow, meow..." "Thank you, that was very nice." "Let's give Maria a round of applause" "And coming up next we have lida!" "Hey, get back to your seat" "No platonic feelings, I long for romance" "Romeo and Juliet is the name of the game... lnnocence prevails, I love you in the dark..." "And now to our last contestant, Saara Mäkinen!" "Clap louder, or I'll punch you in the face!" "And now it's finally time to declare the winner of our trials" "Has the jury reached a decision?" "Yes, it seems it has!" "And here comes Super Bunny too!" "Yes, and the winner is..." "Saara Mäkinen!" "The show was great, we heard it on the radio!" "I never thought anything good would come out of you" "Shut up, Airi, or you won't get any homebrew tonight!" "You're good boys!" "Not last week we weren't!" "Keep it down, it's Dad" "Say hi from us." "Yes, yes!" "The boys say hi and yes yes lt went really well" "Teaching Saara how to rave." "Yeah, the classical style..." "She's right here, hold on." "He wants to talk to you" "Yes" "Well, what did he say?" "That I did good" "You know what?" "You were fantastic!" "But it must have been hard?" "l was so nervous" "No one could have ever guessed." "Really?" "You know when I used to sing- l was always really nervous before going on stage" "Was it your job to sing?" "Hey, let's go see what the boys are up to" "Yeah, but will you stay with me?" "There's so many people there" "Sure." "Let's go" "Now we have a celebrity living in our building!" "Can I have your attention please?" "No!" "Thanks." "Now that we're here to celebrate Saara's victory- l would like to quote the famous singer. -lt's pronounced "loois"" "Louis Armstrong." "You, Saara- may be a small girl to mankind but a big girl to us Eastsiders" "And...eh..." "Yes. I wrote it to sound natural ...to borrow a metaphor from..." "Don't forget to return it later!" ""Home is where the brew is..."" "We have at least fifty liters of homebrew, so fill up, folks!" "And if it gets to your stomachs, go crap in your own toilets!" "That means you too, Airi!" "Excellent speech!" "Saara, sweetheart!" "Did you miss Mommy?" "Why did you run away like that?" "Why did you run away?" "Hey, Mom's not mad at you..." "Get lost, cow!" "Knock it off, dammit!" "Take it easy now." "She's the child's custodian, after all" "She's just afraid that I'm angry." "That ugly imitation of a mother?" "!" "And you Mam, cut the crap, so we can get this done with" "OK, honey." "We're going home" "Don't worry." "You'll be fine, as long as you just don't sing" "Let's go." "l'll be seeing you!" "Get the hell out of here, everyone!" "The party's over!" "It means you too, Airi." "Get your ass out of here" "Lade, hey..." "When this super kid crap started even I wasn't sure about it myself I just had to think of something to keep the boys from falling apart" "Hey, the guys are doing great, and Saara's had the time of her life" "But the end result..." "total shit" "Come to bed with me" "Good Morning." "You know what?" "It's almost possible to like you." "A close call, huh?" "Should we go see what's going on?" "It's probably just Bulk customizing furniture in his horny Neanderthal fit" "What the hell...?" "Let go of my brother!" "Hey guys, stop it!" "Calm down!" "Let go, will you" "Now what the fuck is going on here?" "You'll have lots of room to make love after I throw out your stuff" "You go on making love in your pocket!" "You guys are out of here tonight, either voluntarily or feet first" "Nobody's gonna take me out feet first!" "Die mutant!" "Or die and die!" "And you get the fuck out of here, fast!" "Never surrender!" "Put the god damn bunny away" "Timo, be a nice boy and put the bunny away" "No surrender!" "No surrender either!" "Take me to your leader!" "Excuse me?" "Better do as the UFO man says or he'll nuke you" "We'd like to see the store manager." "You heard him, act!" "Did I get this right?" "You wish to make a sponsorship deal- where you would be granted the use of a warehouse as rehearsal space- with electricity, running water, showers, kitchen  and a VCR" "Exactly." "VHS" "And in return, you would wear caps with the company logo- promote our teamwork and..." "A scarf" "The gay person here wears a scarf." "l see" "Naturally we need a van for transportation of equipment" "We can do promotional rounds in your parking lot if you want" "Like Kimi Räikkönen." "Right" "And we'll cry when they play the National Anthem." "Like Kimi" "And after the contest Saara will be obliged to perform in the mall- every day for a period of one week, 4 x 45 minutes per day..." "What?" "lt's our procedure" "Very good." "Hartonen will look after the details" "Way to go, Hartonen!" "Well, I've got things to do, so thanks and goodbye" "Don't mention it, you are welcome" "And please return the jackets on your way out" "Have you noticed, ever since we took up honest work- everyone's been wanting to beat the shit out of us?" "What?" "No shagging in here" "Stupido!" "Say goodbye to live porn" "Go ahead and shag!" "Aren't they kind of cute?" "No, they're not" "Yes, we are!" "A man in love is an ugly sight." "Shit, lets drink to that" "Great housewarming party!" "Shit, it's a walrus!" "Me make art" "I'm not gonna pay twice for the tiles if they keep falling off..." "Bloody hell!" "It's Hirvonen!" "See you moved in next door." "l guess we fucking did" "We were just thinking of paying you a visit" "What a great coincidence." "Stay right there  we have a wonderful housewarming gift for you lt's perfect for your new shithole flat" "Oh, I got it... shithole..." "Fucking hell!" "What is it?" "It's a piece of Dad's ass, with Mom's name tattooed on it" "Oh God!" "Dad never had a tattoo on his ass" "Not as far as I remember." "l thought he had one" "Well he certainly doesn't anymore" "Why don't you jerks just stay here and speculate while I go kill those..." "Get away from me!" "Take it easy now" "Let go of me, Bulk!" "Someone's gonna die!" "I just don't give a shit anymore!" "You have to I'm not letting you get yourself killed" "Don't think we don't appreciate what you're doing" "But we're not gonna come running to thank you" "What did you just say?" "Come on, sweetie." "Sing Mommy a little song" "Just a small one, just to stay in tune" "Come on, have a cookie." "Mommy's little baby..." "Sing us a song" "Haven't you got any respect for your mother?" "She gave birth to you, bought the cookies and everything" "Let's hear you sing" "Now let me tell you something." "Give me that cigarette... I brought you to this world with blood and tears- you have no idea what it's like I'm asking you to sing, and you bloody hell refuse to" "You are driving me fucking crazy l'm gonna start kicking that bastard around soon." "Spoiled little brat..." "Mommy loves you so." "She just wants to hear her baby sing" "Mommy loves you so much" "Hey, guys." "Did you like the gift?" "Yeah, we gave it to Bulk as an advance on his inheritance" "We dropped by for coffee, now that we are neighbors" "Bring out the artist for a matinee." "She happens to be..." "She's visiting her Mom" "Too bad." "What do we do now?" "We can have Chinese take-away" "We'll chop, but you ain't gonna sue!" "You're an ugly fucker, but tell me..." "which is your prettier half?" "I'm the prettier half!" "Stop it!" "Hi there, everyone." "Well hiya-fuckin-ho" "I see you've got company I don't think we've met." "Hi, I'm Saara's Mom!" "So, how are things?" "Fucking great" "Get your ass out of here, bitch" "Shut up, slut!" "Bye then." "Mommy's going to drop by and see you soon I'm the single parent seal, and you're the puppy seal" "And they go to visit Bob the Polar Bear- and his newborn baby" "How do the hands go?" "Like this" "But they're called flippers" "Now let's go" "Here comes a Norwegian seal hunter to kill the seals..." "You can't have my baby!" "The puppy's just what I'm after" "Watch out, boys!" "Watch out!" "Happy Birthday, Saara" "But it's not my birthday" "Since you've never had a birthday party- we wanted to make up for it before you reach the big ten" "There's at least a hundred candles on it" "Forty-five, for each candle missed so far" "Now blow them out, quickly!" "Blow, blow... excellent!" "Here you are." "Thank you" "Here you are." "Thank you" "It's kind of silly, so can you open it later?" "Wow, they're great" "Aren't they kind of alike?" "It doesn't matter, because this guy doll is the magician- and the girls are his assistants." "And because they all look alike- they can be in different places all at once" "That's just what we had in mind" "Remember those tricks you used to show us as a kid?" "Do you have names for the dolls?" "What tricks?" "Never mind" "Tell us, tell us, tell us!" "I knew a few stupid magician's tricks as a kid, nothing..." "A few stupid tricks?" "They were supergreat!" "At least better than that song, remember..." "Show us a trick." "Show us, show us, show us!" "I'm not sure I remember how." "It's been so long" "How did you do that?" "A magician never tells his secret" "Except for Lade." "Remember the contest?" "Shit, I'd forgotten all about that talent section" "Will you teach me?" "Yeah." "Starting now" "You know what, Laura?" "What?" "I'm so happy" "Bleed, ye Christians!" "Go Timo, go!" "OK, time to sleep" "Thank you" "Let's tuck in" "Good Night." "Good Night." "Good Night, guys" "Good Night, Saara!" "Good Night, Lade!" "Good Night, Saara!" "Good Night, Bulk!" "Good Night, Timo!" "Good Night, Boy!" "Good Night, Timo!" "Good Night, Laura!" "Good Night, Boy!" "And then you switch sides, you pull it tight..." "Make it tight, and I'll put my hands..." "Hi there." "Hiya ho" "Hey honey." "Show Mom your little trick." "Go on, boys" "How'bout you leave us alone?" "We're just practicing" "You won't let me stay and watch my little girl perform?" "She and I have a long career ahead of us after the contest" "Hey, it's just this one gig and we promised you a share." "So get lost" "You think I'd let scum like you take all the cream off the cake?" "In your dreams, sonny." "You bloodsucking leech!" "Shut up, prick." "Show Mommy." "Get the hell out of here!" "Take your hands off me!" "Stop..." "Get out!" "You seem kind of worried again" "Are you nervous about the contest?" "No, but I..." "What are you worried about?" "I don't want to be a singer I really appreciate that you've been teaching me and stuff..." "And I don't want to leave the boys in trouble" "And if I win, I get to go to the amusement park" "But I never thought about what's going to happen afterwards" "You think your Mom was serious?" "Yes, and it's going to be so awful" "Everything's going to be alright" "Lade, hey..." "l'm so fucking stupid l never thought that witch would come up with plans for Saara I should have known if anyone" "Whatever happens in the contest, we lose" "So which one do we sacrifice, Dad or Saara?" "Lade, hey." "We'll think of something" "Should I be proud of you?" "Yes!" "....or damn if I know..." "Guess what?" "We're going to the amusement park!" "Good!" "How's the backside?" "Well, it still gives a flat imitation of a bagpipe" "Better than nothing" "What do you think will happen after all this is over?" "I don't know." "But let's not think about it yet" "Everything will turn out fine." "You just have to seize the moment" "My life has really changed since I left home l used to sleep on a mattress on the floor lt was this thin" "And you know what?" "You couldn't jump on it!" "Know what?" "I happen to be a champ at this!" ""Have you ever seen green and red dots?" -l do now" "Look, you can see them if you go like this" "Bulk, you're the man!" "Room service!" "Timo, you know they show porn on cable TV?" "That's tasteless" "Porn is tasteless?" "Now Bulk is gonna say that he's having the time of his life" "What else can I do?" "I'm a sensitive summer dude" "God, these kiddy bottles really mess you up" "But luckily I brought their daddy along" ""Have you ever collected ants?" -"Only when I used to collect ants"" ""Have you ever drank up a whole glass of water?"" ""Only after mistaking salt for sugar"" "Hey, for a bunch of idiots we're not such total idiots" "Yes, we are." "And here's to it!" "Daddy bottle, kiddy bottle..." "Please stay seated, we are about to go on air" "And please see that your mobile phones are switched off..." "Ladies and Gentlemen, parents of the contestants- all our TVviewers, welcome to the finals of the Super Kid Contest!" "10 talented, young contestants have been selected in countrywide trials" "Let's give them a nice round of applause!" "And the first prize is, as you all know" "A brand new Opel Astra with 20 000 euros in the backseat" "And here to assure that everything happens by the book are two- officers of the law, constables Risto Mikkonen and Arto Nordström" "Hi." "My name is Veera." "l'm Saara" "Hey kids!" "Isn't it past your bedtime?" "Yeah, where's Winnie the Pooh?" "Winnie-the-poop is in your pants!" "Boys are so stupid." "Yeah, or not all of them" "The trick I am about to perform requires two volunteers" "How about you two gentlemen in the front row?" "Please hold the ends, and then switch sides, tighten the rope" "And do the same again." "To make me more comfortable" "Now you press the top, and you make a knot" "You appear to be wearing a perfect magic jacket" "Could you put it on top here, being that my hands are tied?" "And now Ladies and Gentlemen, do you believe- that I can untie myself on a count to ten?" "No!" "In that case, start counting!" "One, two, three..." "Stop, stop..." "A little slower, please" "Like this: one, two..." "Two, three..." "Sir, could you please stop speaking on the cell phone?" "I'm trying to concentrate here" "This is not working out." "Can you please carry me out?" "So Pasi, what do you value the most in life?" "I guess that would be my hamster" "My parents." "Without them I wouldn't be here today" "Well, what would we do without charming hosts like you?" "And what do you, Saara, value the most in life?" "My brothers and Laura, who is my best friend" "And what are you going to become when you grow up?" "I haven't even turned ten yet." "Isn't it a bit too early to tell?" "Do you have a cell phone?" "No, not yet" "Can I have your address so I can write to you?" "I don't really have an address either" "How come?" "Everyone I know has an address lt's a long story." "But I can write to you first" "Oh God, I'm so nervous" "And our next contestant is..." "Saara Mäkinen!" "Oh no!" "You'll do great" "Something's gotten hold of my heart keeping my soul and my senses apart" "Something's gotten into my life cutting its way- through my dreams like a knife" "Turning me up and turning me down" "Making me laugh and making me frown ln a world that was small I once lived in a time- there was peace with no trouble at all" "But then you came my way and a feeling unknown shook my heart- made me want you to stay all of my nights and all of my days I gotta tell you now" "Saara, are you okay?" "What happened?" "Did she have a fit or something?" "Dammit!" "There goes the money" "Everyone, please keep calm" "All the excitement must have been too much for her" "And now while we're waiting, a few words about our sponsors..." "How can you talk about sponsors when a little girl just fainted!" "Anything might have happened!" "Shame on you!" "Have you no feelings at all?" "Howdy" "What's there to applaud?" "They lost" "Sure they did, but my son made a great speech" "The production company doesn't wish to make an issue out of this I have here an official apology- obliging you not to give any press interviews" "Sign right there lt's a pity though." "The girl was excellent" "This really killed her chances in show biz" "We'll just have to live with that" "Can we leave now?" "It's not really a police matter." "I guess you're free to go" "And the winner is..." "Veera Airaksinen from Lahti!" "Wow, we pulled off one hell of a talent section, didn't we?" "!" "We just do the interviews tomorrow, and then we're in the clear lt pissed me off though that the car wasn't even locked" "Lade's speech was so touching I almost cried" "And I nearly forgot to steal the money" "How did you manage to keep a straight face backstage?" "It wasn't easy, believe me." "I didn't even dare look at Lade" "Unfortunately this really killed your chances in show biz" "Hey, it was a joke" "Gotcha!" "I should become an actress" "Don't ever do that again" "And you're not even ten yet, so it's too early to tell I made that up myself because that host was such a jerk" "His questions were so stupid" "Let's give a nice round of applause to Saara from Joensuu!" "You were fantastic!" "There goes." "Pearls for Pigs and Sties" "Saara, your share of the money is in the same locker as Laura's" "You two can do something fun with it together" "I'll kick your ass if you start crying" "The same goes for you too" "And me too" "Cool!" "You're wasting your time on us." "We're on the same side as you" "The guys and I were thinking of starting a detective agency lt's still under development, but we've thought up a slogan:" ""lf nature calls, we'll tap the line and arrange surveillance"" "Kind of like Matula, but specialized in bodily fluids" "Really, I almost fainted when I saw her faint." "She was doing so great" "Did you see that Jenni Whomever doing the ballet?" "Stuck in this Victorian type scenario" "You lost the money yourselves, and now you try to frame us l saw a movie where the same thing happened" "The cops were charged, the chair sparked and the Hound of Hades barked" "And it wasn't even a nature film" "Do you work out?" "The bad cop routine is not gonna work on me..." "Do you like nature films?" "I guess not, since nature doesn't- draw a line between good and evil." "It puts the police out of business I'm not speaking, not even if you cut my head off" "Actually, especially not then." "Hey, a joke!" "You ever watch Matula?" "It's a German detective series." "It's so best"