"Five, six, seven, eight!" "(UP-TEMPO JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)" "Anybody seen the Kelly Sisters?" "You, you're up in five." "VELMA:" "Keep the change, Joe." "Thanks." "Velma, where you been?" "And where's Veronica?" "She's not herself tonight." "But they paid to see a sister act!" "Don't sweat it." "I can do it alone." "Shit." "Come on, Velma, move it." "Hurry up." "You're killing me here." "Ladies and gentlemen, the Onyx Club is proud to present Chicago's hottest dancing duo, two jazz babes moving as one." "The Kelly Sisters!" "(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)" "# Come on, babe why don't we paint the town?" "# And all that jazz" "# I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down" "# And all that jazz" "# Start the car, I know a whoopee spot" "# Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot" "# It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl" "# And all that" "# Jazz" "# Skiddoo" "# And all that jazz" "# Hotcha" "# Whoopee" "# And all that jazz" "# Slick your hair and wear your buckle shoes" "# And all that jazz" "# I hear that Father Dip is gonna blow the blues" "# And all that jazz" "# Hold on, hon, we're gonna bunny hug" "# I bought some aspirin down at United Drug" "# In case you shake apart and want a brand new start" "# To do" "# That" "# Jazz #" "FRED:" "Let's go, babe." "But I didn't even meet your friend." "That manager guy." "Don't worry, Roxie." "It's all taken care of." "You told him about me?" "Yeah, kid." "It's all arranged." "# Find a flask, we're playing fast and loose" "# And all that jazz" "# Right up here is where I store the juice" "# And all that jazz" "# Come on, babe, we're gonna brush the sky" "# I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high" "# Cos in the stratosphere how could he lend an ear" "# To all" "# That" "# Jazz?" "# You're gonna see your Sheba shimmy-shake" "# And all that jazz" "# Oh, she's gonna shimmy till her garters break" "# And all that jazz" "# Show her where to park her girdle" "# Her mother's blood would curdle" "# If she'd hear her baby's queer" "# For all" "# That" "# Jazz #" "Oh!" "(LAUGHING)" "Hello, Miss Borusewicz." "Mrs Hart." "This is Fred." "He's my brother." "# All that" "# Jazz" "# Come on, babe why don't we paint the town?" "# And all that jazz" "# I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down" "# And all that jazz" "# Start the car, I know a whoopee spot" "# Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot" "# It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl" "# And all" "# That" "# Jazz #" "ROXIE:" "Say it again, Fred." "You're a star, kid." "My little shooting star!" "# No, I'm no one's wife" "# But, oh, I love my life" "# And all" "# That" "# Jazz" "# That jazz #" "(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)" "(ROXIE MOANING)" "Say it again, Fred." "Jesus." "(ROXIE LAUGHS)" "Where's the fire, huh?" "Amos ain't home till midnight." "Freddie?" "Fred?" "I don't want you to feel I'm nagging or anything, but don't you think it's time I met your friend down at the Onyx?" "I mean, it's been a month since you told him about me." "I know, cos that was the night Velma Kelly plugged her husband and her sister." "(TOILET FLUSHING)" "You know, they say that she found them in the kip together." "Gosh, if I ever found Amos slipping it to somebody else, boy, I'd throw him a party." "A great big going-away party." "It's getting late." "I have been thinking a lot about my act." "When I get a good idea," "I put it in my diary before it goes out of my head." "You know what occurred to me the other day, that all the really, really knockout acts have something a little different going on, you know?" "Like a signature bit." "And I thought that my thing could be aloof, you know?" "Give 'em just enough to get 'em good and hungry, but always leave 'em wanting more." "Once I get a name for myself, maybe we could open a club of our own." "You could run it and I could be the headliner." "What's the idea?" "Wake up, kiddo." "You ain't never gonna have an act." "Says who?" "You're a two-bit talent with skinny legs." "I'm just a furniture salesman." "Yeah, but you got connections." "That guy at the club." "There is no guy." "That night..." "Was my first time in that joint." "I was collecting on a bet from the trombone player." "So you never told anyone about me?" "Sugar, you are hot stuff." "I would've said anything to get a piece of that." "And now?" "Now?" "We had some laughs." "Let's leave it at that." "Fred!" "You can't do this to me." "Would you get off?" "(YELLS)" "You touch me again, I'll put your lights out!" "Wait!" "Your husband will be home soon." "Why don't you wash?" "(CRYING) You're a liar, Fred." "Yeah, so what?" "You lied to me." "That's life, sweetheart." "That's life." "Son of a bitch." "You're a son of a bitch!" "You're a son of a bitch!" "# Hotcha" "# Whoopee #" "Why you bothering, Sal?" "This one's all wrapped up." "I hear it's a new city record." "From killing to confession in an hour, flat." "Where did you get the weapon?" "I keep a gun in the underwear drawer." "Just in case of trouble, you know." "That's just fine." "Sign right there, Mr Hart." "Freely and gladly, freely and gladly." "Don't say we beat it out of you in court." "I surrendered of my own free will." "Isn't he the cheerful murderer?" "Shooting a burglar ain't murder." "Just last week a jury thanked a man." "I'm always grateful for citizens who know the law." "Get in there." "You, too." "Sit down." "OK." "From the top." "A man has a right to protect his home and loved ones." "Of course he has." "I come home from the garage and he's climbing in the window." "Uh-huh." "With my wife Roxie laying there, sleeping like an angel." "That true, Mrs Hart?" "God's honest truth." "My wife had nothing to do with it." "She wouldn't hurt a worm." "Not even a worm." "It wasn't till my first shot she even opened her eyes." "She's a heavy sleeper." "She could sleep through the St Paddy's Day parade." "Think what would've happened if I went for a beer instead of coming straight home?" "Makes you sick to think about it." "BANDLEADER:" "For her first number, Miss Roxie Hart would like to sing a song of love and devotion, dedicated to her dear husband, Amos." "# Sometimes I'm right" "# Sometimes I'm wrong" "# But he doesn't care" "# He'll string along" "# He loves me so" "# That funny honey of mine" "# Sometimes I'm down" "# Sometimes I'm up" "# But he follows round" "# Like some droopy-eyed pup" "# He loves me so" "# That funny honey of mine" "Even after I shot him, he kept coming at me, so I pulled the trigger again." "# He ain't no sheik" "# That's no great physique" "# And Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts" "# But look at that soul" "# I tell you, that whole" "# Is a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts" "# And if you knew him like me" "# I know you'd agree" "# What if the world" "# Slandered my name?" "# Why, he'd be right there" "# Taking the blame" "# He loves me so" "# And it all suits me fine" "# That funny, sunny, honey" "# Hubby of mine" "Just suppose that he had violated her or something." "Know what I mean?" "Violated?" "I know." "Or something." "Think how terrible that'd be." "Good thing I was on time." "I'm telling you that!" "# He loves me so" "I'm telling you that!" "# That funny honey of mine" "Name of deceased, Fred Casely." "Fred Casely?" "How could he be a burglar?" "My wife knows him." "He sold us our furniture." "He gave us 10% off." "# Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts" "She told me he was a burglar." "He was dead when you got home?" "Covered up." "She told me some cock and bull story about this burglar, and how if I said I did it, I was sure to get off." ""Help me, Amos," she says, "in my hour of need."" "# Now he's shot off his trap" "# I can't stand that sap!" "# Look at him go, ratting on me" "Two-timing me, huh?" "# With just one more brain what a half-wit he'd be!" "# If they string me up" "I work my butt off 14 hours a day." "# I'll know who bought the twine" "She's tramping around!" "Damn floozy!" "Thought she'd pull the wool over my eyes?" "# That scummy, crummy, dummy hubby of mine #" "Boy, what a sap I was." "You double-crossing blabbermouth!" "You promised to stick by me..." "What?" "You been stringing me, Roxanne!" "(SHUSHING)" "You said a burglar!" "The whole time you've been jazzing him." "You are a disloyal husband!" "Look, it's true." "I shot him." "In self-defence." "He was trying to burgle me." "From what I hear, he's been burgling you three times a week for a month." "So what do you say, missus?" "That's him, alright." "Thank you." "Your story doesn't wash, Mrs Hart." "So try this on for size." "Casely was fun on the side with Goofy here as a meal ticket." "Meal ticket?" "He couldn't buy my liquor." "And Fred Casely could?" "With a wife and five kids?" "Did he forget to mention them?" "What?" "All his." "(WHISPERS) That bastard!" "That bastard!" "Yeah, I killed him and I would kill him again." "Once was enough, dearie." "Take her downtown." "Come on!" "This is the corner house." "Here they come." "This way, honey." "Come on, why hide such a beautiful face?" "Why did you shoot him?" "Smile, like a toothpaste ad." "Enjoy it while you can." "Take this down." "The DA says this is a hanging case." "I'll go to the jury tomorrow." "What do you mean, hanging?" "Not so tough now." "Take her down to Cook County Jail." "Give me a headline." "Was he cruel?" "Did he beat you?" "What do you mean, hanging?" "Morphine, opium, cocaine?" "Arm length, 31 inches." "Arm length, 31 inches." "Height." "Matron's on her way, so don't get too cosy." "Put out that cigarette!" "Ever had Morton before?" "She's fine, as long as you keep her happy." "And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Keeper of the Keys, the Countess of the Clink, the Mistress of Murderers' Row, Matron Mama Morton!" "(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)" "# Ask any of the chickies in my pen" "# They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen" "# I love them all and all of them love me" "# Because the system works, the system called" "# Reciprocity" "MAN:" "On your feet." "Welcome, ladies." "# Got a little motto" "# Always sees me through" "# When you're good to Mama" "# Mama's good to you #" "You may think I'm here to make your life a living hell." "That's not true." "# There's a lot of favours" "# I'm prepared to do" "# You do one for Mama" "# She'll do one for you #" "I can be a friend, if you let me." "If something upsets you or makes you unhappy in any way, don't shoot your mouth off to me." "I don't give a shit." "Move it out!" "# They say that life is tit for tat" "# And that's the way I live" "# So I deserve a lot of tat" "# For what I've got to give" "# Don't you know that this hand" "# Washes that one, too?" "# When you're good to Mama" "# Mama's good to you #" "Let's go." "You must be Hart." "Ain't you the pretty one?" "Thank you, ma'am." "No, call me Mama." "I'm here to take care of you." "You'll be habitating in the East Block." "Murderers' Row, we call it." "Oh, is that nicer?" "I don't think I belong here." "I didn't do anything wrong." "No need to tell me." "I never heard of a man getting killed who didn't have it coming." "Hey, Mama." "Come here." "Velma Kelly." "You're the Velma Kelly." "You know, I was there the night you got arrested." "Yeah, you and half of Chicago." "Look, Mama." "An editorial denouncing me in Redbook magazine." ""Not in memory do we recall" ""so fiendish and horrible a double homicide."" "You couldn't buy that publicity." "Couldn't buy it?" "I guess I can keep this, then." "Nice try." "# If you want my gravy" "# Pepper my ragout" "# Spice it up for Mama" "# She'll get hot for you" "# When they pass that basket" "# Folks contribute to" "# You put in for Mama" "# She'll put out for you" "# The folks atop the ladder" "# Are the ones the world adores" "# So boost me up my ladder, kid" "# And I'll boost you up yours" "# Let's all stroke together" "# Like the Princeton crew" "# When you're stroking Mama" "# Mama's stroking you" "# So what's the one conclusion" "# I could bring this number to?" "# When you're good to Mama" "# Mama's good to you #" "(AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY)" "ROXIE:" "Mama?" "It's kind of freezing in here." "Is something wrong with the heat?" "Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but, if you got a couple of extra blankets tucked away..." "Lights out, ladies." "(BREATHES DEEPLY)" "OK." "(SOBBING)" "(WATER DRIPPING)" "# Pop" "# Six" "# Squish" "# Uh-uh" "# Cicero" "# Lipschitz #" "And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of the Cell Block Tango." "# Lipschitz" "# Pop" "# Six" "# Squish" "# Uh-uh" "# Cicero" "# Lipschitz" "# Pop # Six" "# Squish # Uh-uh" "# Cicero # Lipschitz" "# Pop # Six" "# Squish # Uh-uh" "# Cicero # Lipschitz" "# Pop # Six" "# Squish # Uh-uh" "# Cicero # Lipschitz" "# He had it coming" "# He only had himself to blame" "# If you'd have been there" "# If you'd have seen it" "# I betcha you would have done the same" "# Pop # Six" "# Squish # Uh-uh" "# Cicero # Lipschitz" "# Pop # Six" "# Squish # Uh-uh" "# Cicero # Lipschitz #" "You know how people have little habits that get you down?" "Like Bernie." "Bernie liked to chew gum." "No, not chew." "Pop." "So I came home this one day and I'm really irritated, looking for a little sympathy, and there's Bernie, lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewing'." "No, not chewing." "Popping!" "So I said to him, I said, "You pop that gum one more time..."" "(SIGHS)" "And he did." "So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots." "Into his head." "# He had it coming" "# He only had himself to blame" "# If you'd have been there If you'd have heard it" "# I betcha you would have done the same" "# He had it coming... #" "I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago, and he told me he was single." "We hit it off right away." "So we started living together." "He'd go to work, he'd come home," "I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner." "And then I found out." "Single he told me." "Single my ass!" "Not only was he married, no." "He had six wives." "One of those Mormons, you know." "So that night, when he came home from work," "I fixed him his drink, as usual." "You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic." "# He had it coming" "# He took a flower in its prime" "# And then he used it And he abused it" "# It was a murder, but not a crime #" "I'm standing in the kitchen, carving up a chicken for dinner, minding my own business." "In storms my husband, Wilbur, in a jealous rage." ""You been screwing the milkman," he says." "He was crazy." ""You've been screwing the milkman."" "And then he ran into my knife." "He ran into my knife 10 times." "# If you'd have been there If you'd have seen it" "# I betcha you would have done the same #" "(SPEAKING HUNGARIAN)" "Yeah, but did you do it?" "Uh-uh." "Not guilty." "# He had it coming #" "My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband, Charlie, travelled with us." "For the last number in our act, we did 20 acrobatic tricks in a row." "One, two, three, four, five." "Splits, spread eagles, back-flips, flip-flops, one after the other." "So, this one night before the show, we're down at the Hotel Cicero, the three of us, boozing, having a few laughs." "And we run out of ice, so I go out to get some." "I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number 17." "The spread eagle!" "Well, I was in such a state of shock" "I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing." "It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands," "I even knew they were dead." "# They had it coming # They had it coming" "# They had it coming all along" "# I didn't do it, but if I done it" "# How could you tell me that I was wrong?" "# They had it coming # They had it coming" "# They had it coming all along" "# I didn't do it, but if I done it" "# How could you tell me that I was wrong?" "#" "I loved Al Lipschitz more than I could possibly say." "He was a real artistic guy." "Sensitive." "A painter." "But he was always trying to find himself." "He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the way, he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving." "I guess you could say we broke up because of artistic differences." "He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead." "# The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!" "# They had it coming" "# They had it coming all along" "# And if they used us Then they abused us" "# How could you tell us that we were wrong?" "# He had it coming # He had it coming" "# He only had himself to blame" "# If you'd have been there If you'd have seen it" "# I betcha you would have done the same" "# Pop that gum once more..." "# Single my ass!" "# Ten times!" "# Number 17, the spread eagle # Artistic differences" "# Pop" "# Six" "# Squish" "# Uh-uh" "# Cicero" "# Lipschitz #" "Who belongs to them?" "What's it to you?" "Nothing." "Heard they were Velma's." "Yeah, the Hunyak does all her laundry for a buck a week." "Fresh towels for the can." "Make it quick." "MAMA:" "Hear me out." "Billy Flynn set your trial date for March 5th." "March 7th, you'll be acquitted." "March 8th, you know what Mama's gonna do for you?" "Put you back on the vaudeville circuit." "VELMA:" "Now you're an agent?" "MAMA:" "Without a private line in your cell, all the calls go through me." "What kind of dough are we talking?" "It's a crazy world." "Babe Ruth is wearing rouge and playing the Palace for 5,000 a week." "And what about someone with real talent?" "Well, I can talk to the boys at William Morris." "Due to your sensational activities," "they think they can get you 2,500." "2,500?" "The most me and Veronica made was 350." "MAMA:" "Well, now you got the right representation." "You know, Mama?" "I always wanted to play Big Jim Colosimo's." "Do you think you can get me that?" "Big Jim's?" "I don't know." "It'll take another phone call." "And how much will that cost?" "Come on, Vel." "You know how I feel about you." "You're like family, one of my own." "I'll do it for 50 bucks." "Fifty bucks for a phone call?" "You must get a lot of wrong numbers, Mama." "Oh, Miss Kelly." "Got your personals." "Freshly pressed by yours truly." "No, no, it's my pleasure." "Listen, can I ask you something?" "You know that Harrison guy?" "He said that what I done is a hanging case and he's prepared to ask for the maximum penalty." "Yeah, so?" "So, I'm scared." "I sure would appreciate some advice." "Especially from someone I admire as much as you." "I've always wanted to be on the stage." "Really?" "What's your talent?" "Washing and drying?" "No." "I dance in the chorus." "Oh." "Before I met my husband, Amos." "Honey, you want advice?" "Here it is, direct from me to you." "Keep your paws off my underwear, OK?" "Yeah, OK." "Thanks." "For nothing'." "She's something, ain't she?" "No matter how big she gets, she's still as common as ever." "I'd like to help you, dearie." "Take a load off." "So, what you gonna use for grounds?" "Grounds?" "What'll you tell the jury?" "I just figured I'd tell 'em the truth." "The truth?" "Yeah." "That's a ticket to the death house." "Holy Mother of God." "Oh, relax." "In this town, murder's a form of entertainment." "Besides, in 47 years, Cook County ain't never hung a woman yet." "So, the odds are 47 to one that they won't hang you." "Jesus, Mary and Joseph." "You're talking to the wrong people." "You need Billy Flynn." "Who?" "Billy Flynn." "The best criminal lawyer in Illinois." "What he don't know about juries and women..." "How do you get this Billy Flynn?" "Not by praying, dearie." "First you give me $100, then I make a phone call." "$100?" "Well, you just..." "It seems pretty steep for a phone call." "Oh, but he's worth every cent." "I mean, he's never lost a case for a female client yet." "With a sweet little puss like yours, well, let's say justice ain't blind in Chicago." "He's never lost a case?" "Never." "Every girl in this place would kill to have Billy Flynn represent her." "# Billy" "# We want" "# Billy" "# B-l" "# Double-L-Y" "# We're all" "# His" "# He's our" "# Kind of a guy" "# And, ooh, what luck" "# Cos here he is" "Ladies and gentlemen, the silver-tongued prince of courtrooms, the one, the only," "Billy Flynn!" "# I don't care about expensive things" "# Cashmere coats" "# Diamond rings Don't mean a thing" "# All I care about is love" "# That's what I'm here for" "# I don't care for wearing silk cravats" "# Ruby studs, satin spats Don't mean a thing" "# All I care about is love" "# All he cares about is love" "# Give me two eyes of blue" "# Softly saying..." "# I need you" "# Let me see her standing there" "# And honest, Mister, I'm a millionaire" "# I don't care for any fine attire" "# Vanderbilt might admire" "# No, no, not me" "# All I care about is love # All he cares about is love" "(BILLY WHISTLING)" "WOMAN:" "What about my trial date?" "Good morning, ladies." "(WOMAN PLEADING IN HUNGARIAN)" "Not guilty!" "You tell 'em, sweetheart." "# That's what he's here for" "(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)" "Miss Kelly, do you remember anything at all about that night?" "I passed out, Miss Sunshine." "I can't remember a thing." "Only that I didn't do it." "Any idea who did?" "No, but my client is offering a reward to anyone with information." "How much is the reward?" "I dunno." "How much?" "I'll work it out." "No more questions." "Miss Kelly and I have work to do." "What's all this about a reward?" "Dumb reporters." "They write it up wrong, you deny it." "Thank you." "One more question!" "Over here." "# All he cares about is love" "Mr Flynn." "I'm Roxie." "Hart." "Who?" "Mama told you about me." "Right." "The cute one." "I was hoping you'd represent me." "Do you have $5,000?" "(LAUGHS)" "Gee, that's a lot of money." "Mama didn't mention $5,000." "Lookit, Mr Flynn, I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but maybe we could make some sort of arrangement between us." "I can be an awfully good sport." "Good." "You got that out of your system." "Now, listen." "You mean just one thing to me." "You call me when you got $5,000." "# All he cares about is love" "# Show me long raven hair" "# Flowing down" "# About to there" "# When I see her running free" "# Keep your money, that's enough for me" "# I don't care for driving Packard cars" "# Or smoking' long buck cigars" "# No, no, not me All I care about is doing a guy in" "# Who's picking on you" "# Twisting the wrist that's turning the screw" "# All I care about" "# Is" "# Love!" "#" "Oh, he'll see you now." "Well, hello, Andy." "Amos." "My name is Amos." "That's right." "Take a seat." "You know, you're a remarkable man." "Huh?" "Your wife two-times you, plugs the guy, tries to frame you." "Most men would let her swing." "But no, you stick by her." "Makes you a hero in my eyes." "That's right." "I'm a hero." "Did you bring the money?" "I didn't do as well as I hoped, but I will, Mr Flynn." "I will." "This is only $1,000." "Plus 300 I borrowed from the guys down at the garage." "There's 700 from the Building and Loan fund." "Two thousand." "And that's all I got so far." "But I'll give you $20 off my salary every week." "I'll give you notes with interest." "When you came to me," "I didn't ask if she was guilty or innocent." "I didn't ask if she was a drunk or a dope fiend." "No." "All I said was, "Do you have $5,000?" You said, "Yes."" "But you don't have $5,000." "So I figure you're a dirty liar." "I don't waste my time with dirty liars." "Look," "I'm real sorry, Mr Flynn." "On the other hand, your devotion to your wife is really very, very touching." "I'll take your wife's case and I'll keep it, because I play square." "Now look, Hart." "I don't like to blow my own horn, but, believe me, if Jesus Christ had lived in Chicago today and if he had $5,000 and came to me, things would've been different." "Alright, here's what we do." "I'm gonna get Roxie's name on the front page of every newspaper." "Sweetest little jazz killer ever to hit Chicago." "That's the angle I'm after." "We make an announcement that we'll have an auction to raise money for her defence." "They'll buy everything she's ever touched." "BILLY:" "Your shoes, dresses, perfume, underwear." "ROXIE:" "Victrola records!" "Like the one I was playing when I shot the bastard." "I didn't hear that." "Not that I didn't have grounds." "What are they?" "For the trial." "Nobody will care about your defence unless they care about you." "So first we need some sympathy from the press." "They're not all pushovers." "But there is one thing they can never resist." "And that is a reformed sinner." "Right, what was your favourite subject in school?" "(SCOFFS) I was a real dummy." "There must be something." "I did well at courtesy and hygiene." "Perfect." "You wanted to be a nun." "(LAUGHS) A nun?" "Where were you born?" "On a chicken farm near Lubbock." "A beautiful home, every refinement." "Where are your parents?" "Probably on the front porch in their rocking chairs." "Parents dead." "Family fortune lost, educated at the Sacred Heart." "You fell into a runaway marriage." "Left you miserable, alone, unhappy." "Of course you got swept up in the mad whirl of this city." "Jazz, cabarets, liquor." "Drawn like a moth to the flame." "A moth?" "Now the mad whirl has ceased and you are a butterfly, crushed on the wheel!" "So which is it?" "The moth or the butterfly?" "You have sinned and you are sorry!" "God, that's beautiful." "Cut out God." "Stay where you're better acquainted." "BILLY:" "Kid, when I'm through with you, not only will you be acquitted, every man on the jury will want to take you home to meet his mother." "I was born on a beautiful southern convent." "What?" "Oh, holy shit!" "Oh, I'm never gonna get this straight." "Pipe down the swearing." "From here on in, you say nothing rougher than "Oh, dear"." "Try again." "I was born on..." "(TOILET FLUSHING)" "VELMA:" "I came up with some things to do on the stand." "I'll get all teary eyed and ask to borrow your handkerchief." "Then I thought I'd take a peek at the jury like this." "Flash 'em a bit of thigh." "What do you think?" "Sounds great." "Don't you want to hear the rest?" "Tomorrow, kiddo." "Top of my list." "Well, well, well." "Sorry to be late, Mr Flynn." "Hope you weren't too bored." "I like it." "I like it!" "Pollyanna, I heard your press conference is tomorrow." "Yeah." "What's it to you?" "Well, you wanted my advice, right?" "Well, here it is." "Don't forget, Billy Flynn's number-one client is Billy Flynn." "Meaning what?" "Meaning don't let him hog the spotlight." "You're the one they pay to see." "BILLY:" "Remember, sell 'em one idea at a time." "Yeah." "I still see him coming at me with that look in his eyes." "And?" "We both reached for the gun." "That's right." "You both reached for the gun." "Ready?" "Yeah." "(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)" "Good day, gentlemen." "Miss Sunshine." "My client has just entered a plea of not guilty." "We want a trial at the earliest possible date." "Any questions?" "Miss Sunshine." "As you know, my paper is dry." "Do you have advice for girls on avoiding a life of jazz and drink?" "Absolutely, yes." "Mrs Hart feels it was the tragic combination of liquor and jazz which led to her downfall." "Ladies and gentlemen," "I want to say how flattered I am that y'all came to see me." "Mrs Hart is very..." "You see I was a moth, crushed on the wheel, you know?" "A butterfly drawn to the..." "To the... (BREATHES DEEPLY)" "I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Shut up, dummy." "Mr Billy Flynn in the Press Conference Rag." "Notice how his mouth never moves." "Almost." "Where'd you come from?" "# Mississippi" "And your parents?" "# Very wealthy" "Where are they now?" "# Six feet under" "But she was granted one more start." "# The Convent of the Sacred Heart" "# When did you get here?" "# 1920" "# How old were you?" "# Don't remember" "# Then what happened?" "# I met Amos" "# And he stole my heart away Convinced me to elope one day" "Poor dear, I can't believe what you've been through." "A convent girl, a runaway marriage." "Tell us, Roxie..." "# Who's Fred Casely?" "# My ex-boyfriend" "# Why'd you shoot him?" "# I was leavin'" "# Was he angry?" "# Like a madman" "# Still I said, "Fred, move along" She knew she was doing wrong" "# Then describe it # He came toward me" "# With a pistol?" "# From my bureau" "# Did you fight him?" "# Like a tiger" "He had strength and she had none." "# And yet we both reached for the gun" "# Oh yes, we both" "# Oh yes, we both reached for" "# The gun, oh yes" "# We both reached for the gun" "# Oh yes, they both" "# Oh yes, they both reached for" "# The gun, oh yes" "# They both reached for the gun" "# Understandable, understandable" "# Yes, it's perfectly understandable" "# Comprehensible, comprehensible" "# Not a bit reprehensible" "# It's so defensible" "# How're you feeling?" "# Very frightened" "# Are you sorry?" "# Are you kidding?" "# What's your statement?" "# All I'd say is" "# Tho' my choo-choo jumped the track I'd give my life to bring him back" "# And?" "# Stay away from" "# What?" "# Jazz and liquor" "# And?" "# And the men who" "# What?" "# Play for fun" "# And what?" "# That's the thought that" "# Yeah?" "# Came upon me" "# When?" "# When we both reached for the gun" "# Understandable, understandable" "# Yes, it's perfectly understandable" "# Comprehensible, comprehensible" "# Not a bit reprehensible" "# It's so defensible" "# Oh yes, they both" "# Oh yes, they both reached for" "Let me hear it!" "# The gun" "# Oh, yes, they both reached for the gun" "A little louder!" "# Oh yes, they both" "# Oh yes, they both reached for" "# The gun, oh yes" "# They both reached for the gun" "Now you got it!" "# Oh yes, they both oh yes, they both reached for" "# The gun, oh yes" "# They both reached for the gun" "# Oh yes, they both" "# Oh yes, they both reached for the gun" "# The gun" "# Both reached for" "# The" "# Gun" "# Both reached for the gun #" "MAN ON RADIO:" "Move over, AI Capone, the Windy City has taken a new criminal to its heart." "The name on everyone's lips is Roxie Hart, the sweetest little lady ever accused of murder in Chicago." "Women want to look like her, fellas want to go out with her." "Some little girls even want to take her home." "Don't get any ideas, little lady!" "Across town, the Assistant DA promises the little sharp-shooter will swing before the year is out." "She'll swing!" "If he lives up to his word," "Assistant DA Harrison might become Governor Harrison some day." "Back at the scene of the crime, everybody wants a little piece of Roxie Hart." "This jar of cold cream set her husband back $20!" "Maybe this pretty little lady will get some of that famous Roxie style." "It seems everybody these days is rooting for Roxie Hart!" "MAMA:" "Take those flowers to the orphanage." "Make sure they know who sent them." "So, kiddo, given any thought to what you'll do after Billy gets you off?" "Yeah." "I'd like to go on the stage." "I figured as much." "I already called the Morris office." "Really?" "How much is that gonna cost me?" "My standard deal. 10% of all your takings." "We'll see, Mama." "Besides, I don't even have an act yet." "Killing Fred Casely was your act." "Those stiffs just wanna see somebody famous." "That's a freak act." "Besides, I am better than that." "Course you are, cupcake." "You could be as big as Sophie Tucker." "You really think so?" "Bigger than Cantor and Jolson combined." "I always wanted my name in all the papers." "Before I met Amos, I used to date this well-to-do ugly bootlegger." "He liked to take me out and show me off." "Ugly guys like to do that." "(LAUGHS)" "Once it said in the paper, "Gangland's Al Capelli" ""seen at Chez Vito with cute blonde chorine."" "That was me." "I clipped it and I saved it." "You know, all my life I wanted to have my own act." "But, no." "No, no, no." "Always no." "They always turned me down." "One big world full of "No."" "And then Amos came along." "Safe, sweet Amos, who never says no." "Lookit." "I've never done this before." "But, you know, it is such a special night and you are such a great audience." "And..." "And I just..." "I really feel like I can talk to you, you know?" "So forget what you've read in the papers and forget what you've heard on the radio because..." "Because..." "Because I'm gonna tell you the truth." "Not that the truth really matters." "But I'm gonna tell you anyway." "In the bed department," "Amos was zero." "(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)" "I mean, when he made love to me, it was like..." "It was like he was fixing a carburettor or something." "(IMITATING AMOS) "I love ya, honey, I love ya."" "Anyway, I started fooling around." "Then I started screwing around, which is fooling around without dinner." "Then I met Fred Casely, who said that he could get me into vaudeville." "That didn't quite work out like I planned." "I guess it didn't really work out too great for Fred, either." "So I gave up on the whole vaudeville idea, because you figure, after all those years," "opportunity's just passed you by." "# But it ain't" "# Oh, no, no, no, no, but it ain't" "And now?" "Well, if this Flynn guy gets me off, with all this publicity, I got me a world full of "Yes!"" "# The name on everybody's lips" "# Is gonna be Roxie" "# The lady raking in the chips" "# Is gonna be Roxie" "# I'm gonna be a celebrity" "# That means somebody everyone knows" "# They're gonna recognise my eyes" "# My hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose" "# From just some dumb mechanic's wife" "# I'm gonna be Roxie" "# Who says that murder's not an art?" "# And who, in case she doesn't hang" "# Can say she started with a bang?" "# Roxie Hart" "Boys?" "# They're gonna wait outside in line to get to see" "# Roxie" "# Think of those autographs I'll sign Good luck to you" "# Roxie" "# And I'll appear in a lavaliere that goes" "# All the way down to my waist" "# Here a ring, there a ring Everywhere a ring-a-ling" "# But always in the best of taste" "I'm a star." "And the audience loves me." "And I love them." "And they love me for lovin' them." "And I love them for lovin' me." "And we love each other." "And that's cos none of us got enough love in our childhoods." "And that's showbiz..." "Kid." "# She's giving up her humdrum life" "# I'm gonna be..." "Sing it!" "# Roxie" "# She made a scandal and a start" "# And Sophie Tucker'll shit, I know" "# To see her name get billed below" "# Roxie Hart" "# Roxie #" "I can't take it any more." "I can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb tomato!" "Oh, no, Mama." "Not you, too." "Bad news." "The tour's cancelled." "What?" "Your name's been out of the papers too long." "All you read about today is that Hart kid." "She's hot." "And what am I supposed to do?" "Suck up to her, like everybody else?" "Couldn't hurt." "Over my dead body." "Mind if I join you?" "MAN:" "Lights out, 10 minutes." "Smoke?" "Look what some Johnny sent me." "Triple-cream caramels, all the way from San Francisco." "Oh, I'm watching my figure." "You know." "The trial." "Great mention of you in the Trib today." "There have been so many, I just can't keep track." "(CHUCKLES)" "Did I ever tell you, you are exactly the same size as my sister?" "You'd fit into her costumes perfectly." "Really?" "Yeah." "I was thinking, you know, with all the publicity piled up between us, and when Billy gets us off, we'd be a natural to do an act together." "You think so, huh?" "BANDLEADER:" "Ladies and gentlemen," "Miss Velma Kelly in an act of desperation." "# My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop" "# My sister and I were headed straight for the top" "# My sister and I earned a thou a week at least" "Oh, yeah." "# But my sister is now unfortunately deceased" "# I know, it's sad, of course" "# But a fact is still a fact" "# And now all that remains" "# Is the remains" "# Of a perfect" "# Double act" "Watch this." "Now, you have to imagine it with two people." "It's swell with two people." "# First I'd..." "# Then she'd..." "# Then we'd..." "# But I can't do it alone" "# Then she'd..." "# Then I'd..." "# Then we'd..." "# But I can't do it alone" "# She'd say, "What's your sister like?"" "# I'd say, "Men!"" "# She'd say, "You're the cat's meow"" "# Then we'd wow the crowd again" "# When she'd go..." "# I'd go..." "# We'd go..." "# Then those ding-dong daddies started to roar" "# Whistled, stomped, stamped on the floor" "# Yelling, screaming, begging for more" "And we'd say, "OK, fellas, keep your socks up," ""cos you ain't seen nothin' yet."" "# But I simply cannot do it" "# Alone" "So what do you think, huh?" "Come on, you can say." "(BLOWS RASPBERRY)" "I know, you're right." "First part's shit." "But the second part?" "The second part is really nifty." "OK." "# She'd go..." "# I'd go..." "# We'd go..." "# And then those two-bit Johnnies did it up brown" "# To cheer the best attraction in town" "# They nearly tore the balcony down" "And we'd say, "OK, boys, we're going home" ""but before we go, here's a few more parting shots."" "And this, this we did in perfect unison." "# Now you see me going through it" "# You may think there's nothing to it" "# But I simply cannot do it" "# Alone #" "(PANTING)" "So where was the part where you blew her brains out?" "OK, Roxie, I'll level with you." "No, no, no." "Don't bother." "You think you're fooling me?" "You're all washed up and it's me they want now." "And I'm a big star." "Single." "Oh, I almost forgot." "You were in the paper today, too." "In the back." "With the obituaries." ""Velma Kelly's trial has been postponed indefinitely."" "Oh." "Seven words." "Wow." "Oh!" "And here's a little piece of advice, direct from me to you." "Lay off the caramels." "BANDLEADER:" "And now for all you Chicago stay-up-laters, you night owls who only come alive after dark, we dedicate this tune," "Chicago After Midnight." "(MELLOW JAZZ PLAYING)" "BILLY:" "Listen, this all took place on Lake Shore Drive?" "Incredible!" "Alright, yeah, thanks, Don." "My God." "They just arrested this woman for a triple homicide." "Really?" "Yeah, get this." "She's an heiress." "Yeah." "The family's in pineapples, grapefruit, some kind of fruit." "Anyway, this dame, Kitty what's-her-name something, she's playing house, on the north side, in an apartment with a guy named Harry." "What Harry does isn't clear, but it don't matter cos she foots the bills." "Anyhow, Kitty comes home tonight," "Harry's already in bed, which is par for the course." "She goes to change." "When she returns, she notices something rather odd." "Extremely odd." "Kitty disappears for a second, cool as a cucumber." "When she returns, she gently wakes up Harry." "Harry says, "What?" "I'm alone."" "She says, "Alone?" "You got two women in bed with you."" "So get this." "Harry, he says, "Come on, you gonna believe what you see or what I tell you?"" "(ALL LAUGHING)" "Goodnight, folks." "(REPORTERS CLAMOURING)" "Miss Sunshine from the Evening Star." "Would you mind saying a word or two?" "Sure, I'll say three." "Go to hell!" "Direct your questions to her counsel." "You're not my counsel." "I want my money back." "It's your mother's money." "Are you sorry, dear?" "Sure I'm sorry." "Sorry I got caught." "ALL:" "Oh!" "Miss Sunshine!" "Not now." "I got a letter from a guy." "He's going on a hunger strike till I'm free." "That's nice, dear." "Miss Baxter, did you know these two ladies personally?" "Did I know them personally, was that your question?" "Yeah, that's my..." "High-spirited, isn't she?" "Miss Baxter." "Mr Flynn!" "Yeah, hi, Trixie." "Roxie." "Yeah, just kidding." "Did you get my trial date yet?" "Listen, kid..." "Top of your list, right?" "Go to hell!" "Boy, what a hellion." "Socialite, too." "Her mother owns all the pineapples in Hawaii." "What do I care about pineapples?" "Alright." "Listen." "Miss Baxter will answer all of your questions, and afterwards, I'll give you an interview myself." "CHORUS: (WHISPERING) Roxie!" "VELMA:" "How's it feel, kid?" "J Edgar Hoover couldn't find your name in the papers." "Mr Flynn?" "Open this door immediately." "Oh, my God." "Roxie." "What is it, dear?" "No, no, no." "Don't worry about me." "I only hope the fall didn't hurt the baby." "Baby?" "Shit." "Roxie!" "(ALL CLAMOURING)" "Roxie, when did this happen, darling?" "Well, Doc, is she or isn't she?" "She is." "(SIGHS)" "Would you swear to that in court?" "Yes." "Good." "Button your fly." "(REPORTERS CLAMOURING)" "I would just like to say that, well, my own life doesn't matter now, just that of my unborn child." "SUNSHINE:" "Poor dear." "To have your baby born in jail." "My readers won't stand for it." "BILLY:" "That won't happen." "She'll come to trial as soon as possible." "Well, I think it's sweet." "First time we had one of our girls knocked up." "When's the baby due, Roxie?" "AMOS:" "Roxie!" "Roxie!" "Roxie, I just heard the good news." "I'm the father." "I'm the father!" "Roxie, who's the father?" "That question's completely out of line." "How dare you insult this brave young woman." "Enough." "We're outta here." "Roxie." "Roxie, honey." "It's me, Daddy." "It's Daddy." "Roxie, I came as soon as I could." "Rox?" "AMOS: # If someone stood up in a crowd" "# And raised his voice up way out loud" "# And waved his arm and shook his leg" "# You'd notice him" "# If someone in the movie show" "# Yelled, "Fire in the second row!" "# "This whole place is a powder keg!"" "# You'd notice him" "# And even without clucking like a hen" "# Everyone gets noticed now and then" "# Unless of course that personage should be" "# Invisible" "# Inconsequential" "# Me" "# Cellophane" "# Mister Cellophane" "# Should've been my name" "# Mister Cellophane" "# Cos you can look right through me" "# Walk right by me" "# And never know I'm there" "# I tell ya" "# Cellophane" "# Mister Cellophane" "# Should've been my name" "# Mister Cellophane" "# Cos you can look right through me" "# Walk right by me" "# And never know I'm there" "BILLY:" "Oh, I didn't see you." "Sit down, sit down." "Look, Andy, I'm afraid I've gotta hit you hard." "I only hope you'll be big about it." "Amos." "My name is Amos." "Who said it wasn't?" "It was the kid." "The kid's name I was thinking about." "Yeah." "Know when she's due?" "September." "We'll pass out cigars anyway." "And don't you give a damn when people..." "People what?" "Laugh." "Laugh?" "Why would they laugh?" "Cos they can count." "Can you count?" "September." "Here's a copy of Roxie's first statement from the DA's office." "She didn't copulate with you for four months before the incident." "Well, she would know." "Yeah, I guess we'd done no copulating since..." "Wait a minute." "That don't figure out right." "I couldn't be the father." "Forget it." "She needs your support." "You mean she needs a meal ticket." "That's all I've ever been." "But this time she's gone too far." "What are you gonna do?" "Divorce her?" "You're damn right!" "I'll divorce her." "She probably won't even notice." "(TELEPHONE BUZZING)" "Yeah?" "Yeah, put him through." "(SIGHS)" "# A human being's made of more than air" "# With all that bulk you're bound to see him there" "# Unless that human being next to you" "# Is unimpressive" "# Undistinguished" "# You know" "# Who" "You still here, Andy?" "Yeah." "I'm still here." "I think." "# Should've been my name" "# Mister Cellophane" "# Cos you can look right through me" "# Walk right by me" "# And never know I'm there" "# I tell you" "# Cellophane" "# Mister Cellophane" "# Should've been my name" "# Mister Cellophane" "# Cos you can look right through me" "# Walk right by me" "# And never know I'm there" "# Never even" "# Know" "# I'm there #" "I hope I didn't take up too much of your time." "Ten minutes late." "Don't do that again." "This makes me look like a Woolworth's lampshade." "I won't wear this." "You will." "I say so." "I won't." "And I want you to be knitting." "Knitting?" "Oh, for Christ's sake!" "A baby garment." "I can't knit." "Then learn." "That won't win a jury's sympathy." "You don't need advice now?" "Lookit, Mr Mouthpiece!" "It seems to me that I am the one coming up with the good ideas." "I'm sick of being told what to do." "You treat me like dirt." "You know that?" "You treat me like I'm some dumb, common criminal." "But you are some dumb, common criminal." "It's better than being a greasy Mick lawyer." "Who's saving your ass!" "Who's out for all he can steal!" "Maybe you'd like to go to court without me." "Maybe I could." "Have you read today's papers?" "They love me." "Wise up!" "They'd love more if you were hanged." "It'd sell more papers." "You're fired." "I quit." "Any lawyer in this town would die to have my case." "You are a phoney celebrity." "A flash in the pan." "In a couple of weeks, no one will give a shit about you." "That's Chicago." "(WOMAN SHOUTING)" "What happened?" "It's the Hunyak." "She lost her last appeal." "So what's that mean?" "Well, that means that, next week, she's gonna..." "This is Mary Sunshine coming to you from the Cook County Jail where history will be made today." "Katalin Halenscki will become the first woman in the State of Illinois to be executed." "So, ladies and gentlemen..." "BANDLEADER:" "Ladies and gentlemen, for your pleasure and entertainment, we proudly present Katalin Halenscki and her famous Hungarian disappearing act." "(CROWD CHEERING WILDLY)" "You know, it's really not that bad." "Are you clear on what we agreed on?" "Yep." "I was up all night rehearsing." "What do you do when Harrison comes for you?" "I sit still, look straight ahead." "Never at the jury." "And?" "And I look modest." "And..." "And?" "And say nothing." "That's right!" "That was the deal." "You asked me back." "I do the talking this time." "Absolutely." "Whatever you say." "Mr Flynn?" "His Honour's here." "Thank you." "You ready?" "Yeah." "Billy?" "Hmm?" "I'm scared." "Don't be." "I've been around a long time." "Believe me, you got nothing to worry about." "It's all a circus." "A three-ring circus." "That's all." "These trials." "The whole world." "It's all show business." "But, kid, you're working with a star." "# Give 'em the old razzle dazzle" "# Razzle dazzle 'em" "# Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it" "# And the reaction will be passionate" "# Give 'em the old hocus-pocus" "# Bead and feather 'em" "# How can they see with sequins" "# In their eyes?" "# What if your hinges all are rusting?" "# What if, in fact, you're just disgusting?" "# Razzle dazzle 'em" "# And they'll never catch wise" "(ALL CLAMOURING)" "# Give 'em the old razzle dazzle" "# Razzle dazzle 'em" "# Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous" "# Row after row will grow vociferous" "# Give 'em the old flimflam flummox" "# Fool and fracture 'em" "# How can they hear the truth" "# Above the roar?" "# Roar, roar, roar" "# Throw 'em a fake and a finagle" "# They'll never know you're just a bagel" "# Razzle dazzle 'em" "# And they'll beg you for more" "I object!" "Sustained." "I haven't asked a question yet!" "# Give 'em the old double whammy" "# Daze and dizzy 'em" "# Back since the days of old Methuselah" "# Everyone loves the big bamboozler" "# Give 'em the old three-ring circus" "# Stun and stagger 'em" "# When you're in trouble, go into your dance" "# Though you are stiffer than a girder" "# They'll let you get away" "# With murder" "# Razzle dazzle 'em And you got a romance #" "Hello, Amos." "Amos." "That's right, Mr Flynn." "Amos." "Amos." "When did you file suit for divorce?" "A month ago." "Any reason for filing at this time?" "I'll say." "I read Roxie was expecting a little stranger." "Hardly grounds for divorce, is it?" "A little too much of a stranger." "Oh." "By that, you mean you doubted the paternity of the child?" "Well, sure." "Tell me, Amos." "You share a bed with your wife?" "Every night." "You ask this jury to believe that you slept next to this woman every night without exercising your rights as a husband?" "I could've if I wanted to." "Oh, but you didn't?" "No, I did." "Did what?" "Want to." "But you didn't." "Didn't what?" "What you wanted." "Wait a minute." "I'm confused here." "Tell me, Hart, you tell me, did you ever question Roxie herself?" "Did you even ask if you were the father of her child?" "No, sir." "No." "But if you became convinced you were wrong, you'd be man enough to admit it?" "You'd even take her back if Roxie swore that you were the father, which she does." "She does?" "She does!" "She does!" "No more questions." "You can step down now." "Well done, Andy." "Roxie, I'm so sorry." "(ALL EXCLAIM)" "(ALL APPLAUDING)" "# Give 'em the old razzle dazzle" "# Razzle dazzle 'em" "# Show 'em the first-rate sorcerer you are" "# Long as you keep 'em way off balance" "# How can they spot you got no talents?" "# Razzle dazzle 'em" "SUNSHINE:" "This is the moment we've been waiting for." "Roxie Hart finally takes the stand in her own defence." "# And they'll make you a star#" "(GAVEL POUNDING)" "JUDGE:" "Order!" "(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)" "Proceed, Mr Flynn." "Roxie, I have here a statement where you admit to illicit relations with the deceased, Fred Casely." "Is this true or false?" "I'm afraid that's true." "You're an honest girl, Roxie." "When did you first meet Fred Casely?" "When he sold Amos and me our furniture." "Your personal relationship with him, when did that begin?" "When I permitted him to escort me home one night." "I wouldn't have gone with him if Mr Hart and me hadn't quarrelled that morning." "Quarrelled?" "Yes, sir." "Well, I suppose it was his fault?" "Oh, no, sir." "It was my fault." "I suppose I just couldn't stop pestering him." "Pestering him?" "About what?" "I didn't like him working those long hours at the garage." "I wanted him home with me." "To darn his socks and iron his shirts." "I wanted a real home and a child." "You fell into an illicit relationship because you were unhappy at home?" "Yes." "I was, I was most unhappy." "Roxie Hart!" "The State accuses you of the murder of Fred Casely." "Are you guilty or not guilty?" "I'm not guilty." "I'm not guilty!" "I killed him." "I did." "But I'm not a criminal." "I'm not a criminal." "(SOBS)" "There, there." "Not a criminal." "Roxie?" "Do you recall the night of January 14th?" "Uh-huh." "Could you tell the jury, in your own words, the happenings of that night?" "Well, when Fred came over, I told him my good news." "What was that?" "That me and Amos were having a baby and that it was all over between us." "What happened then?" "Well, then..." "Uh..." "Then..." "Did he threaten you?" "Objection." "Leading the witness." "Sustained." "What did Casely say when you told him the news?" ""I'll kill you before I see you have another man's child."" "Tell the audience, the jury, what happened next." "Well, in his passions, he tore off my robe and he threw me on the bed." "Mr Hart's pistol was lying between us." "And then?" "We both reached for the gun." "I got it first." "But he came toward me with this funny look in his eyes." "He was angry and wild." "Wild!" "Wild!" "Did you think he meant to kill you?" "Oh, yes, sir, yes." "So, it was his life or yours?" "And not just mine." "I closed my eyes and I shot." "In defence of your life." "To save my husband's innocent unborn child." "(SIGHS)" "(ALL GASP)" "(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)" "Order!" "(QUIETLY) What a bull's-eye." "Huh?" "Rox?" "Roxie?" "Order in this courtroom!" "Clear this court!" "There's pandemonium here in the courtroom." "Mrs Hart's behaviour throughout this ordeal" "has been extraordinary." "Yeah, I bet!" "Now she fans herself with her attorney's handkerchief." "Handkerchief?" "She has had no relief." "She looks bewildered." "She wants something." "Oh, it's a glass of water." "That was my bit!" "I told Billy I'd do that." "(SHUSHING)" "Her eyes flutter wildly and..." "Mrs Hart has fainted again." "Oh, please!" "She slumps, her chiffon dress up around her knees, revealing a blue garter with a rhinestone buckle." "Mama, she stole my garter." "She stole my garter!" "Don't break my radio!" "God!" "First, the slob steals my publicity, my lawyer, my trial date, and now she's stole my garter." "What do you expect?" "Nowadays you get a little success, and it's good riddance to the people who put you there." "There ain't no justice in the world." "And there ain't nothing you can do about it." "Nertz to that." "Think I got you here just so you can listen to my radio?" "People write some interesting things when they think no one's looking." "(BOTH LAUGHING)" "Mama." "Ooh!" "MAN:" "State calls a rebuttal witness." "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth" "and nothing but the truth?" "And then some." "Have a seat." "State your name for the record." "Velma Kelly." "Miss Kelly, will you tell the court if the object I am holding is the one you found in the defendant's cell?" "Yes, it is." "I submit this as Exhibit X." "Roxie Hart's diary." "I object!" "My client has never kept a diary." "Even if she did, this would be invasion of privacy, violation of the Fourth Amendment, and a search without a warrant." "And she broke the lock." "(ALL LAUGHING)" "(GAVEL POUNDING)" "Order!" "Well, that settles that." "I'll allow it." "What's the big deal?" "It's just a bunch of doodlings." "If you would read for us." "(CLEARS THROAT)" "I haven't worked in a while." ""What a laugh, plugging Fred Casely."" "What?" ""The big baboon had it coming."" ""I'm just sorry I only got to kill him once."" "I never wrote that." "It was you." "She made that up!" "Order!" "Mr Flynn, get control of your client." "Sorry, Your Honour." "Sit down and shut up." "It's only making it worse." "I have no more questions." "Your witness, Mr Flynn." "Ladies and gentlemen, a tap dance." "Tell me, did you make a deal with Mr Harrison?" "Maybe to drop charges against you in exchange for testifying?" "Sure." "I'm not a complete idiot." "(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)" "Good." "Since you gave such an impressive performance for Mr Harrison, would you do me the same honour?" "I'd be delighted." "Thank you." ""Fred Casely assured me he'd get me an audition, down at the Onyx." ""Then he reneged on his pledge and that was my motive for attacking him."" "A fancy way to say," ""He was a fat liar who welched on a deal, so I shot him."" ""Amos accused me of having an affair, so I told him" ""that the charge was erroneous."" "Mr Flynn is twisting this evidence to draw conclusions that are specious and..." "Erroneous?" "Exactly." "(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)" "JUDGE:" "Order!" "Do you know the meaning of perjury?" "Yes." "You also know it's a crime?" "Yes." "For example, if you knew that this diary was a fake," "I'd hate to think of you rotting in prison for 10 years," "since you just won your freedom." "All I know is what I was told." "(AUDIENCE MURMURING)" "So, alright." "So you didn't find this diary in Roxie's cell?" "No." "Mama..." "Miss Morton gave it to me." "She said someone sent it to her." "Someone?" "Any idea who this mysterious benefactor might be?" "No." "She didn't know." "Alright." "Can we work this out?" "Someone who writes about reneging on pledges and erroneous charges..." "Call me crazy, doesn't that sound like a lawyer to you?" "A lawyer!" "A lawyer who had a sample of my client's handwriting." "Mr Harrison, didn't you ask Roxie to write a confession?" "Yes." "But you don't think I'd tamper with evidence?" "No, no." "No, I..." "Don't be ridiculous." "That's thoroughly and utterly absurd." "But now that you mention it..." "This is outrageous!" "It's outrageous, I agree, to suggest the prosecutor would make a bargain with the notorious Velma Kelly, and fabricate evidence that set her free, just to win a case and move one step closer to the Governor's mansion!" "That's simply beyond all imagining!" "I will hold you in contempt." "No, it is not even conceivable!" "But if it were, wouldn't it be time to say come clean, Mr Harrison, come clean?" "Even in Chicago this corruption cannot stand, will not stand!" "That's enough, Mr Flynn!" "I agree, Your Honour." "It is enough!" "The Defence rests." "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mary Sunshine reporting live from the Cook County Courthouse." "The city of Chicago has come to a complete standstill as the trial of the century finally draws to a close." "Mrs Hart sits quietly at the defence table, hands folded, wondering what fate has in store for her." "Another hush falls over the courtroom as the 12 men of the jury file slowly back to their seats." "(GAVEL POUNDING)" "Gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?" "We have, Your Honour." "The jury has reached a verdict." "Will the defendant please rise?" "What is your verdict?" "We the jury find the defendant..." "Roxie Hart is innocent!" "Innocent!" "Get your paper." "Roxie Hart is free." "She's free." "(GUNSHOTS)" "(ALL SCREAMING)" "Move it!" "First she shoots the husband, then she plugs the lawyer!" "(REPORTERS CLAMOURING)" "Don't you want to take my picture?" "I'm the famous Roxie Hart." "What happened?" "Billy, what the hell happened?" "This is Chicago." "Can't beat fresh blood on the walls." "But my publicity, Billy." "My name in the papers." "I was counting on that." "Such gratitude, kid." "I just saved your life." "You got $5,000." "And I get nothing?" "Five?" "It's 10 once I collect from Velma." "I get nothing?" "Don't forget your blessed diary." "Hope you don't mind." "I added a few erroneous phrases in there." "Sorry, I couldn't tell you." "Couldn't take a chance." "Never lost a case." "You're a free woman, Roxie Hart." "And God save Illinois!" "AMOS:" "Roxie." "What do you want?" "I want you to come home." "You said you still wanted to." "And the baby..." "Baby?" "What baby?" "Oh, Jesus!" "What do you take me for?" "There ain't no baby." "There ain't no baby?" "They didn't even want my picture." "I just..." "I can't understand that." "Why didn't they even want my picture?" "(REPORTERS CLAMOURING)" "ROXIE: # It's good" "# Isn't it grand?" "# Isn't it great?" "# Isn't it swell?" "# Isn't it fun?" "# Isn't it" "# Nowadays?" "#" "BANDLEADER:" "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Roxie Hart says goodnight." "# There's men everywhere" "# Jazz everywhere" "# Booze everywhere" "# Life everywhere" "# Joy everywhere" "# Nowadays" "# You can like" "# The life you're livin'" "# You can live" "# The life you like" "# You can even marry Harry" "# But mess around with Ike" "# And that's good" "# Isn't it grand?" "# Isn't it great?" "# Isn't it swell?" "# Isn't it fun?" "# Isn't it?" "# But nothing" "# Stays" "# You can like the life you're living" "# You can live the life you like" "Didn't she kill a guy a while back?" "Who can keep 'em straight any more?" "# But mess around with Ike" "# And that's good" "# Isn't it grand?" "# Isn't it great?" "# Isn't it swell... #" "That's great." "We'll be in touch." "I'm not finished yet." "I have..." "I have." "Wait." "One more." "I could..." "Just a second, I'm not..." "God damn it!" "Thank you!" "Here's your music, hon." "Thanks." "God damn it." "You know, you're really pretty good." "Yeah, that and a dime." "What are you doing here?" "I heard you'd been making the rounds." "If it was up to you, I'd be swinging by now." "I knew Billy'd get you off." "Learn to put things behind you." "Thank you." "I'll put that at the top of my list, after finding a job and an apartment with a john." "Just shut up and listen to me." "You really are something!" "Coming in here like some goddamn queen bee, all full of advice for a poor slob like me." "Well, let me tell you something, Miss Velma Kelly." "I got a new life now." "And the best thing about it is it don't include you." "I thought we could help each other." "Well, you thought wrong." "Look, listen to me." "Look, I talked to this guy downtown." "He says one jazz killer's nothing these days, but two..." "We can make a couple of hundred a week." "Think about it, Roxie." "Our faces back in the papers, our names on the marquee." "Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart." "Shouldn't it be alphabetical?" "That could work." "Couple of hundred?" "Maybe we could ask for a thou." "We're worth it." "Forget it." "It'll never work." "Why not?" "Cos I hate you." "There's only one business in the world where that's no problem at all." "BANDLEADER Ladies and gentlemen, the Chicago Theatre is proud to announce a first!" "The first time anywhere there's been an act of this nature." "Not only one little lady, but two." "You've read about them in the papers, and now here they are," "Chicago's own killer-dillers, those scintillating sinners," "Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly!" "# You can like" "# The life you're livin'" "# You can live" "# The life you like" "# You can even marry Harry" "# But mess around with Ike" "# And that's good" "# Isn't it grand?" "# Isn't it great?" "# Isn't it swell?" "# Isn't it fun, isn't it?" "# But nothing stays" "# In 50 years or so" "# It's gonna change, you know" "# But, oh, it's heaven" "# Nowadays #" "BANDLEADER:" "OK, you babes of jazz." "Let's pick up the pace." "Let's make the parties longer." "Let's make the skirts shorter." "Let's all go to hell in a fast car and keep it hot!" "(AUDIENCE CHEERING)" "(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)" "(AUDIENCE CHEERING WILDLY)" "Me and Roxie would just like to say thank you." "Thank you!" "Believe us, we could not have done it without you!" "# And all" "# That" "# Jazz" "# That jazz #" "BANDLEADER:" "Five, six, seven, eight!" "# While trucking down the road of life" "# Although all hope seems gone" "# I just move on" "# When I can't find a single star" "# To hang my wish upon" "# I just move on" "# I move on" "# I run so fast" "# A shotgun blast" "# Can hurt me not one bit" "# I'm on my toes" "# Cos heaven knows" "# A moving target's hard to hit" "# So as we play" "# In life's ballet" "# We're not the dying swan" "# We just move on" "# We move on" "# Just when it seems" "# We're out of dreams" "# And things have got us down" "# We don't despair" "# We don't go there" "# We hang our bonnets out of town" "# So there's no doubt" "# We're well cut out" "# To run life's marathon" "# We just move on" "# So fleet of foot" "# We can't stay put" "# We just move on" "# Yes, we move on #" "# Come on, babe why don't we paint the town?" "# And all that jazz" "# I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down" "# And all that jazz" "# Start the car, I know a whoopee spot" "# Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot" "# It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl" "# And all" "# That" "# Jazz" "# Find a flask, we're playing fast and loose" "# And all that jazz" "# Right up here is where I store the juice" "# And all that jazz" "# Come on, babe, we're gonna brush the sky" "# I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high" "# Cos in the stratosphere how could he lend an ear" "# To all" "# That" "# Jazz?" "# You're gonna see your Sheba shimmy-shake" "# And all that jazz" "# She's gonna shimmy till her garters break" "# And all that jazz" "# Show her where to park her girdle" "# Her mother's blood would curdle" "# If she'd hear her baby's queer" "# For all" "# That" "# Jazz" "# Come on, babe why don't we paint the town?" "# And all that jazz # And all that jazz" "# I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down" "# And all that jazz # And all that jazz" "# Start the car, I know a whoopee spot" "# Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot" "# It's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl" "# And all" "# That" "# Jazz" "# No, I'm no one's wife" "# But, oh, I love my life" "# And all" "# That" "# Jazz" "# That jazz #"