"♪♪ [ Tango Music ]" "♪♪ [ Polka Music ]" "[ No Audio ]" "[ No Audio ]" "♪♪ [ Ballroom Music ]" "[ No Audio ]" "[ Man ] Break's over." "Back to the dance floor." "It's swing time." "What's cookin', Guy?" "Hey, you look like your wife just ran off with the mailman." "I can't laugh, Shirl." "I'm really upset." "What is it?" "Break's over." "You got a customer waiting'." "Hey, that's not important." "If I have to pick between business and people... it's people every time." "Shoot." "It's about one of the employees." "Oh, forget it." "You go on to your customers." "No, no, it's okay." "Go ahead." "This employee is a real sweetheart, but she can't keep her yap shut." "She's so busy talking to the stupid customers about their stupid problems... it takes her forever to get to her next lesson." "You want me to talk to her?" "I'm good with helping people with their problems." "I've tried." "It doesn't do any good." "What more can I do?" "Tattoo "Time is money" on my forehead?" "Well, I hate to say this 'cause I see you care." "Maybe you're just gonna have to let her go." "Consider it effective immediately." "Me?" "You could've knocked me over with a feather." "Boy, he really set you up." "I can't believe I actually recommended firing myself." "Sometimes I dream about seeing Guy dropped on his head... from a tall building." "Wait a second." "I have to make a wish." "Shirl, you got to do this every day?" "Do you have a coin?" "If I don't make my wish, somethin' bad's gonna happen." "It already happened." "You got fired." "That's just great, Shirl." "What are we supposed to live on now?" "I thought you might try lookin' for a job again." "[ Laughing ] In this stinkin' town?" "There ain't no jobs in this town." "I'm sick of lookin'." "This might be a great time for us to move to Chicago." "Pack our bags and head to the big city." "What do you say?" "You want to pick up and leave everyone... leave all our friends." "This town's dyin'." "We're dyin' with it." "You been out of work how long?" "Eight months, nine?" "I know you've looked hard, but it's like you've given up." "[ Slams Beer Can ] Chicago, huh?" "What is so goddamn great about Chicago?" "What's so great about Chicago is that it's not Flat River." "You can't even cook, Shirl." "You can't even keep a half-assed job... pushing some old farts around the dance floor." "Everything you do gets screwed up." " Where you goin'?" " Get a couple of beers." "You got a whole six-pack left." "[ Laughing ] I'm goin' out, Shirl." "Steve, I'm leavin'." "I'm leavin', Steve!" "Go on then." "What about us gettin' married?" "Ain't you been married enough?" "I'll see you when I get home." " I won't be here." " You wanna bet?" "♪♪ [ "Light Of A Clear Blue Morning"]" "I'm taking your bowling bag." "♪ It 's been a long dark night ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd I been waitin' for morning ♪♪" "♪ It 's been a long hard fight ♪♪" "♪ ♪ But I see a brand-new day a-dawnin'♪♪" "♪ ♪ I been lookin'for the sunshine ♪♪" "♪♪ 'Cause I ain't seen it in so long ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Everything's gonna work outjust fine ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Everything's gonna be all right ♪♪" "♪♪ That's been all wrong ♪♪" "♪♪ 'Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning ♪♪" "♪ ♪ I can see the light of a brand-new day ♪♪" "♪ ♪ I can see the light of a clear blue morning ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd everything's gonna be all right ♪♪" "♪ It 's gonna be okay ♪♪" "♪ It 's been a long, long time ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Since I've known the taste of freedom ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd those clinging vines ♪♪" "♪♪ That had me bound Well, I don't need 'em ♪♪" "♪♪ 'Cause I am strong and I can prove it ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd I got my dreams to see me through ♪♪" "♪ It 's just a mountain I can move it ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd with faith and love there's nothing I can't do ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd I can see the light of a clear blue morning ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd I can see the light of a brand-new day ♪♪" "♪ ♪ I can see the light of a clear blue morning ♪♪" "♪ ♪ I can see the light of a clear blue morning ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd everything's gonna be all right ♪♪" "♪ It 's gonna be okay ♪♪" "♪ ♪ I can see the light, I can see the light ♪♪" "Oh!" "Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot!" "[ Man ] Hey.!" "Hey!" "[ Gasping ]" "[ Screams ]" "Ohh!" "I gotcha!" "[ Screaming ]" "Hold on!" "Hold on!" "Just give me your hand." "Give me your hand." "I gotcha." "Don't look down." " [ Screaming ]" " Put your foot there." "Put your arm around me." "Put your arm around my neck." "Okay, ready?" "Don't look down." "Are you okay?" "Are you nuts?" "Get away from me." "You almost killed me." "Wait a minute." "I just saved your life." "You could've killed me, and I lost my 20 bucks." "You weren't trying to kill yourself?" "Why should I?" "You were gonna do it for me." " Then I guess I didn't save your life." " I'm sorry to disappoint you." "Maybe somebody'll try to kill themselves tomorrow." "Well, you don't have to get sarcastic about it." "It's breakfast time." "Check out the restaurants." "You might find somebody not choking you can give the Heimlich maneuver to." "I took time off work to stop you from jumping off a bridge." "It isn't my fault you weren't trying to jump." "Okay, you were just tryin' to help." " Okay, here, here." "Take this." " What are you doin'?" "If you're willing to risk your neck for $20... you need it more than I do." "It shouldn't cost you money to do a good deed." "But the next time you want to save somebody, make sure they need saving." "Hey, lady, everybody needs saving." "1 20, 1 40, 1 60, 1 80." " Doesn't leave me much for breakfast, does it?" " I wouldn't know." "Doesn't hurt your mouth to give a smile." "[ Knocking ]" "Remember that city hall deficit scandal piece you did?" "That was a great story." "And that convicted child molester who they hired... to drive a school bus in Waukegan." "They do background checks on new drivers based on that." " I don't have anything new for you, Milo." " Nothing?" "Nothing's panned out yet." " It's a big city,Jack." "Find me something." " Don't I always?" "Remember, you're only as good as your next story." "[ Imitating Milo ] Big city,Jack." "Thanks, lady." "Miss, I'll have that early bird special and coffee." "One big spender, comin' up." "[ Man ] That's onejuice." "Thank you." " Excuse me, would you pass me the sugar?" " Sure." " Oh, damn it to hell!" " Oh, I'm sorry." "I am so sorry." "It's not the coffee." "I am just so ticked off." "You want to talk about it?" "Did you ever try dating a workaholic when their work's not going so great?" "No, I never did date a workaholic." "I sometimes wish I had, though." "The guys I date don't work at all mostly." "Believe me, it's no picnic." "He makes dates, breaks them, stays at the office all night." "Another woman I could fight, but how do you compete against a job?" "Where are you when he breaks these dates?" "Waiting for him." " Maybe that's your problem." " What do you mean?" "Why should he hurry home if he knows you're there?" "He's taking you for granted." "Get on with your life." "If he wants you, you're busy." "He'll come around or he won't." "Either way you'll be livin', not waitin'." "That makes sense." "Sometimes you got to get out and honk your own horn." "The early bird special." "Boy, the bird part's right." "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." "It was an all-nighter, again." "I didn't call 'cause I kept thinking I was gonna finish up." "I didn't wanna wake you." "I hope you didn't wait up." "No, I didn't wait up." "Uh, as a matter of fact, I went out." "Oh good, good." "What do you mean "out"?" " I went out with a friend." " Good." "Good." "What do you mean, "a friend"?" "Why are you so suspicious?" "I don't question you about being at work." "If I say I'm at work, I'm at work." "I can vouch for his being at work." "That's what he told me." "Why would he lie to me?" " Oh God!" " You know each other?" "He tried to push me off a bridge this morning." "I tried to stop you from jumping." " I was not tryin' to jump." " Excuse me." " I'll make it up to you tonight." " I'm busy tonight." " Are you gonna eat that?" " Go right ahead." "How can you be busy tonight?" " I made other plans,Jack." " What other plans?" "I want to go on with my life." "I want to live, not wait." "I'm going to honk my own horn for a change." "What have you done with Janice?" "I didn't realize how much you'd been taking me for granted... until it was pointed out to me." "What brilliant mind pointed that out?" "You want to wreck my entire day, lady?" "I don't want to get in the middle of this." " It's a little late." " This is not about her, this is about you." "You wanna know what your problem is?" "You're at work." "When you're not at work, you're brooding about work." "So let me tell you where I'm gonna be." "I am going to be out with someone that really values me." " This woman..." " Shirlee." "...made me see that I can do a lot better." "So long,Jack." "Thank you..." " Shirlee." " Shirlee." "It's been a great thrill meeting you." "I wish it were a little later in life... like on my deathbed." "♪♪ [ "DirtyJob"]" "♪ It 's a dirtyjob but somebody's gotta do it ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Better get to it Somebody's gotta do it whatever it takes ♪♪" "[ Heels Tapping Loudly ]" "Shh!" "♪♪ A ny work at all is better than none ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Better buckle down to it gotta get thejob done ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Gotta earn my pay ♪♪" "♪ ♪ I gotta earn my pay ♪♪" "Excuse me." "I came to see about the job." "I don't think so." "♪ ♪ Somebody's gotta do it, do it ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Somebody's gotta do it, do it ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Somebody ♪♪" "♪ ♪ I can think ofbetter things I'd rather do ♪♪" "♪ ♪ I might get lucky and I'm hoping to ♪♪" "♪ ♪ But until I do I gotta compromise ♪♪" "♪♪ Thejob ain't much but at least it's mine ♪♪" "♪ It beats standing in the unemployment line ♪♪" "♪ P ut pride aside and I improvise ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Even if I do get a betterjob ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Somebody else has got to fill my spot ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Somebody's gotta do it, do it ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Somebody's gotta do it, do it ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Somebody's gotta do it, do it ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Somebody, somebody ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Somebody's gotta do it ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Somebody's gotta do it,yeah ♪♪" "♪ It 's a funkyjob, it's a low-down dirtyjob ♪♪" "Great, Angel." "Now show us your tits." "♪ ♪ Even if the rules are too hard to follow ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Even when pride is too hard to swallow ♪♪ ♪" " It was a "dry" T-shirt contest." " You are funny, Bob." "Bill, there's something really ugly crawling up your shirt." " That's my tie, Bob." " Sorry, Bill." " [ Elephant Trumpeting ]" " It's time for the morning traffic." "[ Bob ] Today's morning traffic report brought to you by..." "Chateau J. Simpson, the wine that used to play football." " [ Phone Ringing ]" " W-N-D-Y." "I'll put you right through." "Okay, ice cream delivery, waitress, cocktail waitress..." " bartender." " I was just workin' my way up." "Waitress, manicurist -- no reception work." "[ Phone Ringing ]" " Hello, W-N-D-Y." " Not exactly, but I have a phone." "I've answered phones." "Who hasn't?" "I'd really like to hire you, but you need experience to work a VMX-2000." " [ Phone Ringing ]" " Hello, W-N-D-Y." "W-N-D-Y." "Hold please." "Hello, W-N-D-Y." "Mr. Perlman." "Yes, I'll put you right through." "I may not be exactly what you're huntin' for... but sometimes a dog runs the wrong squirrel up the right tree." "Pardon me?" "It's something my daddy used to say." "That's a good-lookin' man." "Is that your husband?" "That's my soon-to-be ex-husband." "Like a punch in the gut, huh?" "Girl, you don't know." "Oh, I do know." "Believe me, I do know." "I agree." "Stanford was a little dull." "People fell asleep at the wheel listening to her." "I made a slight error in judgment." "If Stanford was a slight error, what was that last bozo you hired?" "I want someone with a PhD." "The other stations get them and they're killing us in the ratings." "People want to confide their problems to a doctor." "So who did you hire to destroy my ratings now?" "This one's perfect." "Her name's Dr. Kendall." "Three cities were dying for her." "I outbid 'em all." "I interviewed her personally." " She's just what you wanted." " A doctor?" "A trained clinical psychologist." "Three letters after her name." "I don't want anyone too dry and technical." " She's willing to talk down to our audience." " Not talk down." "Talk with." "That's what I meant." "She'd better be all you say she is for your sake, Alan." "All right, let's go, go." "You can ignore this row." "It goes straight to the Stanford show." "You can ignore this row." "It goes straight to the Stanford show." " Stanford?" " The call-in shrink." "Actually, there's a new one coming in today." "Name's Dr. Kendall." "You gonna be all right?" "Yeah, I'm fine, thanks." " [ Phone Ringing ]" " W-N-D-Y." "Hello, this is Shirlee." " You just put 'em on hold." " Oh, yeah." " Now you just cut 'em off." " That was a personal choice." " I'll be back real soon." " Okay." " [ Phone Ringing ]" " W-N-D-Y." "Hello, this is Shirlee." "Can I put you through?" "I'm sure gonna try." " [ Ringing ]" " Pet Corner." "Do you have a question?" " My bull terrier" " We're only taking questions on reptiles." " Pet Corner." " Do snakes have nipples?" "Good question." " [ Phone Ringing ]" " W-N-D-Y." "Please hold." "W-N-D-Y." "Please hold." "W-N-D-Y." "I know you've been holding and you should be grateful." "Everybody else got cut off." " Five minutes." " [ Intercom Buzzing ]" " Yo." " Where's this new doc?" " You got me." "What if she doesn't show?" " Play yesterday's news." "Then a right and I'm in the coffee room." " Got it." "Thanks." " Oh, Shirlee." "Oh!" "[ Radio Announcer ] A three-car pileup has the left lane of Kennedy... snarling traffic in the O'Hare area." "Traffic in the western suburbs is moving smoothly." "Folks along Lake Shore Drive are battling construction... and a disabled vehicle, closing the right lane." "Where's the coffee machine?" "Thanks." "Temperatures are expected to top out in the mid-80s." "Look for relief within the next couple of days." "A high-pressure front is headed back east... bringing lower temperatures and a possibility of rain." "In sports, the Cubbies win after going extra innings against the Pirates." "A sacrifice fly by Andre Dawson homered in the winning run." "This must be our girl." "Kendall." "Kendall?" "Kendall, behind you." "Kendall." " Yes, hello." " It's Kenyon." " Shirlee Kenyon." " I'm sorry." "I have Kendall." "I ought to know my own name." "You got any real cream?" "This stuff will kill you." "I'm Tony de Santis, your producer." "That's Gordon Sussman." "He's the engineer." " Hi, Kendall." " Kenyon." " 20 seconds." " Nice meetin' ya." "No time for jokes." "The hold button says hold." "The kill button's next to it." "Kill button?" "I just came in for coffee." "Put your headphones on." " You want me to go on the radio?" " That's very funny." "Hey now, my job description " "W-N-D-Y, Chicago radio... invites you to participate in a program... designed to help you find a more productive life." "Talk radio is about sharing your concerns... and helping to find answers through creative solutions." "And now, W-N-D-Y's Dr. Shirlee Kendall." "Kenyon." "[ Woman ] Hello?" "Hello, Dr. Kendall?" "My son and my husband are fighting again " " Hang on." " [ Loud Feedback ]" "This was not in my job description." "[ Woman ] Hello, are you there?" "Last night, my son hit my husband." "He's 1 8 and a bodybuilder." "My son, not my husband." " Who is this?" " This is Gladys from Northbrook." " Do I know you?" " [ Knocking ]" " I tried calling before." " [ Snapping Fingers ]" " [ Loud Feedback ]" " The girl at lunchtime when I was up front." "I must've cut you off." "Lord, I'm sorry about that." "It was crazy around here." "Go ahead, Gladys." "What happened then?" "Tell me everything." "[ Shirlee ] Oh, my gosh." "That's just terrible." "Maybe you could" "[ Shirlee ] Gladys, I don't know what to say." "Well, say something." "God!" "That's one of the worst things I've ever heard." "This is a doctor?" "I could be saying this stuff!" "." "[ Man ] This is Donald." "I'm 50." "My mother's in her 70s." "She moved in with me and she still treats me like a child." "She tells me what to do in my own home." "She's just drivin'me crazy." "Have her put to sleep." "No, I'm just kiddin'." " She's your mother." " Okay, okay." "Excuse me." "Comin' through." "One mama can take care of ten kids... but ten kids can't take care of one mama." "Let's go!" "Let's go!" "You've stopped sleeping with your wife." " Isn't that what you're tryin' to say?" " I guess it is,yes." " So who you foolin' around with?" " It's not that at all." "I just lost interest in her." "Yeah, and who are you foolin' around with?" "A girl in my office." "[ Shirlee ] You got a wife, and you got a girlfriend in the office?" "Did you say your name was "Bud"or "Stud"?" "[ Laughing ] I'm sorry." "You're livin'your life so crooked, you have to screw your socks on." "Havin'an affair is like shootin'pool on two tables." "You may have the balls, but you're gonna wear out your stick." " [ Busy Signal ]" " What is going on over there?" "[ Woman ] Hi, this is Tina." "Tina, this is Shirlee." "What's cookin'?" "The boss gave me notice." "I was the hardest-working waitress in the place." "He said I was messin'up too many orders." "When I came home and told my husband Ken... he looked at me like I was somethin'horrible." "And he said" " I don't think I can handle this on the radio." "Take your time, Tina." "I got no place to go." "He said that I was a loser, that I couldn't hold a job... the house was always a mess... and if it weren't for him I couldn't make it." " He said all that to you?" " Yes, he did." "You sure?" "Sure you're sure." "Tina, listen." "I want you to march up to this guy." "Tell him that you're doin' the very best you can." "If he can't appreciate it, you're not gonna take this crap... that you can dojust fine on your own, thank you... and that he's gonna be damn sorry." "Then grab your bowling bag and get the hell out of there!" "Sometimes you gotta honk your own horn." "If you don't, nobody's gonna know you're comin'." "That's it." "Wrap it up." "Wrap it up." "Say "bye." Bye-bye." "Oh, say good-bye." "It's been real nice spendin' this time with you." "And like my daddy used to say... quickest way to forget your problems is to listen to somebody else's." "[ Horn Honking, Tires Screeching ]" "[ Horn Honking ]" "[ Man ] Move that car.!" "Oh, sorry." "That was unbelievable." "I have never seen anything like that." "I didn't fall asleep once." "That was the most horrifying... the worst display of, of, of" "Who are you?" " Who is she?" " Dr. Kenyon." " Who is Dr. Kenyon?" " You just hired her." " I didn't hire her." "I hired Dr. Kimball." " Kendall." "Kenyon." "What's the difference?" "She's a natural." "You don't talk." "Maybe never again." "I'm gonna make my way back to the switchboard." "Walk past the switchboard and get your butt out of this building." "This is not her fault." "Your Dr. Kendall didn't show up." "I thought Kenyon was Kendall and I put her on the air." "Oh!" "Oh!" "I want to be absolutely fair about this." "You're both fired!" "Yeah, I've got her leaving the building." "♪♪ [ "Blue Me"]" "♪ ♪ Blue me ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Blue me ♪♪" "Hello, Steve." "It's me, Shirlee." "I can't talk long." "I ain't got much money." "Well, I'm sorry you went bowling and didn't have your bowling bag." "Don't you even want to know where I am?" "Well, if I was comin' back, I wouldn't forget your precious bowling bag." "But I ain't comin' back 'cause I got this great job... and I'm startin' tomorrow." "All my dreams are gonna come true." "♪ Im blue ♪♪" "♪ Im just as blue as can be ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Blue me ♪♪" " Hey, Kenyon." " I just checked out." "Forwarding address unknown." "Mr. Riegert from W-N-D-Y sent me to take you down to the station." " Shirlee Kenyon?" " Uh-huh." "Hey, look, I didn't want to be on the radio... but there's no law against it, is there?" " I thought you were great." " You did?" "Who are you?" "Name's Casey." "It will be my pleasure to drive you." "That's very sweet of you, Casey, but I won't be needing the ride." "Why don't you do us both a favor... and tell them I wasn't here." "Please, Miss Kenyon." "You don't want to get me in trouble, do you?" " No." " Then let me do my job." "[ Knocking On Door ]" "Do you know what's happened since you left here yesterday?" "You hired someone else to answer the phone?" "We've received over 500 calls." "I might've cut a few people off" "We've never seen anything like it." "They love you." "They absolutely love you." "Look at these." " That's right." " Are there any more?" "Yes, yes!" "Hundreds." "Wow!" " I am prepared to offer you your own program." " My own program?" "It's two hours a day, five days a week at -- What were we paying you?" " 250." " I'm prepared to double that." "Double my salary and no reception work?" "No reception work." " Hey, wait a minute." "This says Doctor Shirlee." " Right." "The boss wants a doctor, so that's what you are." "Sign it." "It's not important." "Of course it's important." "It's not true." "Okay, $800 a week." "But it still says Doctor Shirlee." "Listen, listen." "Captain Kangaroo wasn't really a captain." "He wasn't even a kangaroo." "Besides, no one's ever going to know." "I'm gonna come up with a first-rate bio for you." "It's just gonna be between you and me and the lamppost." "In fact, not even the lamppost." "I just don't feel comfortable pretending to be something I'm not." "If I thought I was doing a disservice to the public..." "I would be the first to say so." "You already went on the air as a doctor." "If you go on and say, "I'm not a doctor,"" "what are your listeners gonna think?" "They're gonna think I'm not a doctor." "Hey, you... you are a doctor... of the heart." "You're a doctor of the heart." "You help people." "Look at these telegrams." "They love you." "Are you gonna let these people down?" "Hmm?" "The man's a real ball buster." "That's not a problem for me." "He can be very difficult." "Don't forget." "It's doctor, doctor, doctor." " And also " " Also wear clean underwear in case I get in a wreck." "Gene, this is " "The woman that saved that damn shrink spot." "Oh, you've got the real common touch." "I like that, Kendall." "Uh, Kenyon." "My mistake." "Uh, but there -- there is a question that I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you, Kenyon." "Whatever it is, Mr. Perlman, you'll get a truthful answer." "Then tell me, how did you get to be so darn pretty?" "I want to publicize the hell out of her." "Ads, promos, billboards." "Or maybe we should give Shirlee a little time to settle into it... and then build an audience." "But that's how we build an audience, Alan." "Why keep our biggest potential asset under wraps?" "[ Alan ] You were fantastic in there." "[ Alan ] You were fantastic in there." "You played him like a violin." "You're my girl." "I wish Steve could see me now." "Boy, he'd eat his words." "Steve's the ex-husband?" "No, Steve's the guy I was living with... after the last time me and Leland got divorced." "The last time?" "How many times you been --?" "Three times." "You've been married three times?" " Yeah, but to the same guy." " Oh." "He left, he came back." "We got married, we got divorced." "He got put in jail for shooting a ready-teller machine." "We got divorced." "It went on and on." "It was such a mess." "You tell no one anything about your past." "Anything." "I don't want you ever " "Don't talk about your past at all, to anyone." "No interviews 'til I make up something right for you." " Okay?" " Now wait a minute." "I don't think I'm gonna feel comfortable... lyin' about who I am and where I'm from." "You've got a lot to offer... and I would hate to see people miss out on it... because of a few little mistakes you might have made in your past." "Let me handle your life." "You just go out, live it." "♪♪ [ "Straight Talk"]" "♪ Ohh ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Gimme some straight talk, straight talk ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd hold the sugar please ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Straight talk, straight talk ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Sounds plenty sweet to me ♪♪" "♪ Don't talk to me in circles in some mumbo-jumbojive ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Gimmejust straight talk, straight talk ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd we're gonna be all right ♪♪" "Hi, this is Dr. Shirlee." "What the announcement said, I really mean." "I'm here to talk about your problems and concerns." "Anything goes so let's not be shy... 'cause you're among friends." "Our first caller-- Oh, good grief." "Look at me." "What a mess!" "I wish this was on TV so you could see how messy I really am." "I'm busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kickin' contest." "♪ ♪ Straight talk, straight talk ♪♪" "♪ ♪ So come on let's talk turkey ♪♪" "♪ Just straight and to the point about passions, about problems ♪♪" "♪♪ A bout noses out ofjoint ♪♪" "♪ Now I want you all to know I care ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd I do understand ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd hey thanks for lending'me an ear out there in radio land ♪♪" "No, Martha, it isn't fair, but life isn't fair." "Even the Declaration of Independence... only guarantees life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." "It doesn't say anything about fair." "Doesn't even say you have a right to be happy,just to pursue it." "[ Martha ] But no one appreciates me and I try to be fair." "Get down off the cross, honey." "Somebody needs the wood." "[ Coughing ]" "♪ ♪ Straight talk, straight talk there's nothin'like the truth ♪♪" "♪ Just tell me all your troubles ♪♪" "♪ P retend I'm Donahue ♪♪" "♪ ♪ So don't be shy 'cause we can talk ♪♪ ♪" " Is that for me?" " It's all yours." "I feel like Mary Kay!" "Hello, Shirlee here." "Yeah, hi, Dr. Shirlee." "Um, I think I'm falling in love with a girl at work." "I don't know how to tell her." "You little flirt." "And now Nancy will continue our week-long series on talk radio psychologists." "Talk radio psychology." "Quick cash, instant breakfast, minute rice." "The only thing that's getting slower are traffic and service." "[ From TV] Who's your favorite talk radio personality?" "Dr. Shirlee!" "This is not news, in case anybody's interested." " You listen to talk radio?" " Only Dr. Shirlee." "The hottest new personality in Chicago radio is forthright... she's funny." "Able to solve problems in 30 seconds and still leave time for commercials." "Hey, pal, you wanna bag that?" "I like Dr. Shirlee." "Okay, fine." "Who the hell is Dr. Shirlee anyway?" "What's cooking with her?" "Although at this time Dr. Shirlee has refused all requests for an interview... we do have here in our studio W-N-D-Y program director Alan Riegert." "Alan, who is Dr. Shirlee?" "[ Alan ] Who is Dr. Shirlee?" "Dr. Shirlee is, and I don't think it's an exaggeration... the best thing that's happened to Chicago since deep-dish pizza." "I think of her as my gift." "I think of her as my gift to Chicago... which is the city I love." "Milo, there's a story here." "I know her personally." " She doesn't know I'm a reporter." " Doesn't sound like much." "One day she's risking her neck for 20 bucks... and the next, she's Chicago's answer to Dr.Joyce Brothers." " It smells." " You're wasting your time." "Don't count on it." "[ Shirlee ] Why are they holding a cocktail party at the aquarium?" "[ Alan ] Rich people like to dress up and be seen in strange places." "I feel like a kid dressed up in my mama's clothes." " I really don't feel like I belong here at all." " Ten minutes." "Shake a hand, have a drink, save a whale." "I'll be with you every second." "Look at you." "Look at you!" "I can't get over the transformation." "You look like a million bucks." "You make me very proud of myself tonight." "You're my discovery." "Alan, I am not the atom." " How much?" " It's gratis." "I didn't ask what it was." "I asked how much." "It's complimentary." "And it's on the house, without charge, free." "No kidding?" "Well, thank you." "If you don't know what something means... pretend you do and follow my lead." "You're supposed to be a college graduate." "[ Indistinct ]" "Excuse me." "Jack Russell, press." " Invitation?" " Our society columnist is covering the shindig." " Mr. Sindell is already here." "His wife went into labor." "I'm relieving him." "His wife is with him." "His wife is hyperventilating in the back of a station wagon." "An attractive temp from the typing pool is with him." " If you'd like to break the news " " No, please go in." "Thank you." " Thinkin' of jumping' in?" " Not unless you push me." "So this is where you hang out when you're not dangling from bridges." "Doesn't seem like your kind of party." "I don't want to know what you think my kind of party is." "Not the stuffed-shirt brigade." "I don't know about you, but I'm bored." "If you hate being here, why don't you go somewhere you'd rather be?" "I'd rather be with Janice, but thanks to you,Janice isn't around anymore." "I want you to know I feel bad about what happened." "No, don't." "You had me pegged right." "My record relationship is 1 7 weeks." "When you consider it takes longer than that to grow a good-looking lawn... it isn't much of a record." " But you keep doing the same thing over and over." " I guess so." "If a guy keeps wrecking his car every six months... you'd begin to wonder about his driving, wouldn't you?" "You're one of those guys that always has to hold a part of himself back... always keeping that one cookie in the cookie jar." "Would you like a little free advice?" "It's like you're allergic to cornflakes... so you start to buy stuff, like a can of peas." "You open the can and inside... cornflakes." "So you pick a TV dinner and... cornflakes." "What does that mean?" "The girls you go out with, outside they're all different packages." "Inside..." "[ Both ] Cornflakes." "So..." " so what do I do?" " Over here." "I have to get out of here." "It was nice to see you again." "Hey, wait a minute!" "[ Whistle ]" "Hey, wait a minute." "You tell me my life is cornflakes and cookies, and then you walk away?" " Who are you?" " I'm Dr. Shirlee." "You're a doctor, huh?" "What kind of doctor?" "I'm a doctor of the heart." "Dr. Shirlee." "You're the radio shrink." "I had no idea Janice was getting advice from a pro." "Dr. Shirlee, wow." "So, uh, oh " "Um, uh... thanks." "So what do I do?" "Maybe you should try datin' a different kind of woman... someone whose insides look better than their outsides." "Someone whose name begins with "S" and ends with "E"?" " If you know someone named Sylvie." " No." " I know a guy named Shane." " Ask him out." "I'd rather ask you out." "Friday night." " It's a date." " It is?" "Excuse me." "Moritz, hi." "Nice to see you,Jack." "I'll do the best I can, but it's gonna be a half-hour wait." " Do you think maybe " " Dr. Shirlee." "Well, well, well." "We're honored to have you here." "We have a beautiful table for you, right this way." "Medium rare and very well done." "Thank you." " So you're not from Chicago?" " No, I'm not from Chicago." "Compliments of the house." " Is it gratis tonight?" " It is for you, Dr. Shirlee." "Just for me?" "How come?" "Well, because -- because you're Dr. Shirlee." "That's real nice, but it doesn't seem fair... for these other people who are not Dr. Shirlee to be penalized." "I'll pay for a bottle of this champagne for every table." "[ Coughing ] This is very expensive champagne." "Money's meant to be spent, right?" "What good's it gonna do in the bottom of my panty drawer?" "It's $200 a bottle." "Bad idea.Just forget it." " Thank you." " You're welcome, sir." "That's more than I used to make in a week." " I thought shrinks were rich." " Are they?" "Not all of them, at least not at first." "Why would you keep your money in a drawer?" "Aren't you afraid somebody's gonna steal it?" "I figure it's safer in my room than in a bank these days." "If somebody's gonna steal it..." "I'd rather it goes to somebody that needs it... than some vice-president of a savings and loan." "What?" "I just..." "love the way you look at things." "You're really interested in me, aren't you?" " Yes, I am." " That's great." "Most men just want to talk about themselves." "I want to know everything." "How did you lose your virginity?" "You don't want to start with "Where you from, how long you been in town"?" "If you want." "Where you from?" "How long you been in town?" " Under the bleachers." " You're from under the bleachers?" "No, that's where I lost my virginity." "Our high school had just lost the state championship... and my boyfriend, he was the tight end... and it was the only way I could make him feel better." "Who did you lose it to?" " My virginity?" " The state championship." " To the Lamont Lions." " Mmm." "How about you?" "How'd you lose yours?" "How's my star?" "I thought I saw you sitting over here." "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" "Alan, this is my friend Jack." "Jack, this is Alan, my boss." "I don't think of myself as just your boss." "I prefer to think of myself as a friend and mentor." "I discovered Shirlee." "You make her sound like penicillin." "Funny guy." "Zim Zimmerman's sitting over there." "I'm gonna get you on his show." "Come over and win a few points for us." "I thought I wasn't supposed to give interviews." " Yeah, I thought she wasn't supposed to give interviews." " How do you know?" "I just heard her say so." "Excuse us." "Listen, I told Zim you'd be a great guest." "I sort of went out on a limb for you on this." "Don't saw it out from underneath me please." "Well, this is where I live." "You are full of surprises." " I had a great time." " So did I." "In fact, I'm having way too much fun." "What's wrong with that?" "It's good, isn't it?" "Not for me,Jack." "I have a bad track record with men." "I find men that want to change me, hurt me, use me... never just love me." "But what the heck." "Records are made to be broken, right?" "We're ready, Dr. Kenyon." "Oh, God." "Okay, here we go." "Now remember... undergraduate work, University of Georgia." "Graduate studies, you went to Stanford." " You were tops in your class." " I am not sayin' all that." "I'm not gonna lie." "You want to say you're qualified to hand out advice... based on being a three-time loser dance instructor... who's never even been near a college?" "Okay, you're nervous." "I see that now." "I went over all the questions with him." "The only way to get in trouble is if you deviate from the responses I've given you... or he puts down his clipboard, which means he'll ask you something we didn't discuss." "But he assured me he's not gonna do that." "Which leads me to the following, Dr. Shirlee." "You're aware of the furor..." "You bastard!" "You lyin' bastard!" " He said he wasn't gonna do that!" " We're working here!" "What do you mean?" "Specifically, how it denigrates a profession... exploits it for its commercial ends." "Is that what you think?" "Have you listened to my program?" "Of course I have, but we're not discussing my opinions here." "Why not?" "It's your show." " [ Audience Laughing ]" " Let's be straight." "The people you deal with are total strangers." "You have little or no knowledge of their history... and yet you try and solve their problems in less than five minutes." "Don't you worry that to give advice with so little information... can have serious repercussions?" "People just give me a holler." "I tell 'em what I think and hope it helps." "I don't know all the answers." "Do you, Zim?" "Don't you think you can hurt?" "Don't you worry that you may give advice... without enough knowledge of the person " "[ Shirlee ] I just tell the truth as I see it." "To my knowledge, the truth has never caused any damage." "Pain sometimes, but not damage." "[ Director ] Very nice." "Very nice." " Shut him up or get him out of here." " Sorry." "Let's welcome my special guest... renowned radio psychiatrist Dr. David Erdman." "Welcome, Dr. Erdman." "Oh shit!" "Oh shit!" "I'm glad to have a second opinion." "[ Chuckling ]" "Let's start with... what are you looking for in a caller, Dr. Erdman?" "I like a caller that fits my listeners' demographic profile." "I like healthy callers with healthy problems." "If their questions happen to tie in with a tape I'm promoting... so much the better." "No, seriously." "I'm here to help anyone in my listening audience... who wants to come to a deeper understanding of themselves." " Dr. Shirlee." " What am I looking for in a caller?" " I'm looking for someone that needs help." " And?" "And they have to eat Froot Loops for breakfast." "And what?" "Someone with a problem." "Isn't that enough?" "Let's proceed with what I feel is the most interesting part of the program." "Uh-oh." "We have a caller who has a problem." "We're gonna ask each of our doctors to respond to that problem... in order to let you see... the different approaches to radio psychology." "Oh!" "Hi, you're on the air." " [ Woman ] Can you hear me?" " Loud and clear,Joan." "This is Joan." "She's 48." "She has a marital problem." "Please doctors, in the interest of brevity... keep your responses toJoan's problem... down to a minute." "Go ahead,Joan." "[Joan ] My husband's been having an affair for a year... and I found out about it about six months ago." "I asked him to stop, but he won't." "I wrote a letter to the woman he's seeing... and asked her not to see him, but she showed it to him." "Hey, will you get outta there?" "What is he doing?" "I'm so filled with anger toward him, I don't know what I'm gonna do." " Dr. Erdman." " Hold that shot." "Joan, do you want a divorce?" " No." "Then I suggest that you let sleeping dogs lie." " What!" " You'll have your turn." "Joan, you do not hate your husband for doing this." "You hate yourself." "[ Director ] Give me one." "If you felt better about yourself... maybe your husband would want to be with you." "It's her fault her husband's cheatin'?" "I'm simply suggesting that she look to herself." "Maybe she's too demanding in bed." "You talk to your callers like that?" "You should be disbarred or derailed or whatever they do to doctors." "Derailed?" "Where did you receive your training, Doctor?" " Where did I receive my training?" " Yes." "I'm a graduate of Harvard, postgraduate studies at the Sorbonne." "Where did you train?" "Where did I train?" "I trained at Screw U." "You know who came up with the expression "Let sleeping dogs lie"?" "A dog." "[ Audience Applauding ]" "And,Joan, honey, you are not going to change him." "You gotta live with it or end it." "Tinkle or get off the potty." "Either way, you'll start to like yourself again." "Oh, yes, yes, yes!" "Oh, Shirlee!" "[ Woman ] We love you.!" "She was so good!" "Oh, God!" " You guys are great.!" " We'll be right back." "[ Alan ] This show is fantastic.!" "[ Milo ] This is great." "She blew both of those guys away." "When can I get the story?" " So now you think it's a story." " It's a story." " How much have you got on her?" " Almost enough." "Get on it." "Nail her and fast, huh?" "Shirlee, what's the matter?" "Where you going?" "Let's go back inside." "We didn't say good night to Zim." "Alan, I'm tired." "I want to go." " You're the pink Mercedes." " No, I'm not." "No, I'm Shirlee Kenyon." "I drive a pink Mercedes." " I'm depressed." " Oh, come on!" "What are you talking about?" "You should be on cloud nine." "You just buried those two clowns in there." "That's great, but all this "doctor" stuff... and what Zim said about what if somethin' happened?" "Let's face it." "I'm not trained." "Maybe Dr. Erdman is a jerk..." " but at least he's been to school." " Dr. Erdman!" "Dr. Erdman knows about as much as you do." "I oughta know." "He was my shrink for five years and look how sick I am!" "Oh, come on, Shirlee, lighten up!" "I'm not a doctor." "And I'm certainly not my Mercedes... so who am I?" "I'm a Cadillac." "Dr. Shirlee, we have Sean on the line." "He's a sober alcoholic." "[ Sean ] Shirlee, thanks for taking my call." "I've been sober for two years and my wife is an alcoholic." "I don't know what to do." "If I stay around her I could drink again and she doesn't want to quit." "You got kids, Sean, or is it just the two of you?" "It's just us." "In that case, tell her you can't be with her if she's drinkin'." "If she loves you enough, she'll try to quit." "If she doesn't, you have to love yourself enough to walk away." "Like my daddy always said... a bird and a fish can fall in love... but where do they make a home?" "I saw that!" "My helper is makin' faces at my choice of words." "But what I'm sayin' is true." "Sometimes the only way... you can get somebody to change their bad habits is to leave 'em." "And if they don't, at least one of you's gotten out alive." "[ Tapping ]" "What's cookin', Gene?" "You made quite an impression last night, Shirlee... and not just on Zim Zimmerman." "Mr. Perlman, sometimes my mouth just runs off... without checkin' with my brain first." " I didn't mean to offend him." " No!" "No, Shirlee." "A good impression." "The network called this morning." "They want to take you national." "Promotional tours, ad campaigns, the works!" "Listeners calling Dr. Shirlee from coast-to-coast." " How many people's that?" " Millions!" " [ Shirlee ] Millions?" " You've got work, Alan." "I want a photo layout." ""People" magazine." ""Chicago's favorite doctor at home. "" "At home?" "I don't think " "Don't think, Alan." "Do it!" "Do it!" "♪ ♪ Spotlight's on it's shining bright ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd I like standing in it ♪♪" "♪ It 's only superficial light ♪♪" "We'll take it just the way it is." " Alan, I don't need a place this fancy." " Really?" "Maybe we should get Avedon to do a photo shoot of you... at the Hotel Roosevelt, at home." "♪ I want to claim as mine ♪♪" "♪ Fancy clothes, a magic coach and happy ever after ♪♪" " ♪ L ike something from a storybook ♪♪" " Get over there." " ♪♪ A Cinderella chapter ♪♪" " She's coming over." "♪ ♪ But when the clock strikes midnight ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd I lie awake in bed ♪♪" "♪♪ These lines the teacher told me ♪♪" "♪ K eep running through my head ♪♪" "♪♪ You gotta walk the straight and narrow ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd to thine own selfbe true ♪♪" "♪♪ You gotta aim straight as an arrow ♪♪" "♪♪ A ll eyes are upon you ♪♪" "♪ ♪ But sometimes it feels so good that I can almostjustify ♪♪" "♪ L iving a l-l-lie ♪♪" "♪ L iving a lie ♪♪" "♪ L iving a l-l-lie ♪♪" "♪ L iving a lie ♪♪" "Shirlee Kenyon?" "Hey, Steve, do we know a Shirlee Kenyon?" "[ Chuckling ] Yeah." "Who wants to know?" "This guy down here." "How well do you know her?" "I know her well." "I know her very, very well." "Huh." "How did you meet her?" "How did I meet who?" "Shirlee Kenyon." "Well, my best friend married her three times." "When he got done marrying her, she moved in with me..." "[ Chuckle ] and I didn't even have to marry her once." " She married the same guy three times." " Yeah." " Why are you asking all these questions?" " Credit check." "What'd you say your name was?" " Mack." " Listen, Mack." "Do you give credit... to people who steal other people's bowling bags?" "♪♪ A nd I sacrificed my honor ♪♪" "♪ My values and my pride ♪♪" "♪ L iving a l-l-lie ♪♪" "You don't by any chance dance, do you?" "♪ L iving a lie Living a lie ♪♪" "♪ L iving a lie ♪♪ ♪" "[ Chuckling ] Ow!" "Watch what you're doin',Jack." "Just look at me and stop thinkin' about your feet." " Where'd you learn all this?" " I used to teach." " Oh, when?" " A long time ago." " Where was that?" " What?" " Where?" " It was before I became a doctor." " Loosen up,Jack.Just relax." " Ohh!" " Did I ever tell you about my novel?" " No!" "Did you write a novel?" "I had an idea for a novel." "I started talking about this book I was gonna write." "The guys at the office would say, "Jack, you started that book yet?"" "One day I got so sick of saying "no," I said "yes."" "Then it was, "Jack, how's the book coming?" "It's coming along."" "Then, "Have you finished that book yet?"" "One day I just said, "Yes, it's finished."" "Funny thing was, I hadn't started it yet." " I didn't mean to lie." "It just happened." " What are you tryin' to do?" "What are you tryin' to do?" "The fox-trot, rock step?" "What?" " I'm just trying to dance." " Well,just watch me!" "Rock step, step." "Rock step, step." "Move those hips." "Move those hips!" "Looking good." "Mmm!" "Ha!" "I guess nothing like that ever happened to you, huh?" " Like happened to me with the book?" "Jack, shut up and dance." "[Jack ] Outside.!" "Ball three." "Nice shot." "The coach is walking to the mound, not looking good for the doctor." "It may be a long trip back to the bullpen." " Put your index finger here." "Thumb on the outside." " Okay." "She's winding up." "The form is looking good." "A little high and outside again." "Try again." "If you ever do write that novel, what's it gonna be about?" " That was truly pitiful." " Why, thank you." "I don't know." "Despair?" "Greed?" "Corruption?" "All my favorite things." "Why don't you write about somethin'you love instead of something you hate?" " Like what?" " Like baseball." "Write a book about baseball." "Just what the world needs, another baseball novel." "Sure they do..." "if it's great." "And I bet if you wrote it, it would be." "I love when you talk sweet to me." " You haven't even heard sweet yet." " How long do I have to wait?" " Oh, we're gettin' closer." " Hey, guys?" "Oops." "Game called on account of cops." "It's late... and this ain't no ballpark." "Can I see some I.D. please?" " We'll take a rain check,Jack." " I'll pray for rain." " I.D.!" " Thank you, Officer... for keeping Chicago safe from flying lemons." "Whoop." "Whoop." ""Shirlee Kenyon."" "Dr. Shirlee Kenyon?" "It'll work out, Phil." "You call me." "I will." "Thanks!" "Okay." "Good night." "Sorry." "Phil's daughter, Carol..." " ran away twice in the last month." " Good for her." "You wanna come up and check out my carpet samples?" "Is that a line?" "[ Shirlee ] Dusty rose, Christmas green, or elephant gray?" "Nah.!" " We'll forget about the elephant gray." " Great apartment." "Oh, thanks." "I was worried about takin' it, paying all this rent and all." "But Alan says my job's pretty secure." "It really is great." "The money, the car, this apartment." "But if my audience gets tired of me..." "I don't think losing' it would just kill me." "So... what do we decide?" "The Dusty rose or the Christmas green?" "Carpet samples turn you on." "I tried everything else." "[ Doorbell ]" "You probably think you just heard the doorbell." "Trust me, you're hallucinating." "See, most women, right after they kiss me, tell me they hear a doorbell... followed by the faint scent of orchids." " Do you smell the orchids yet?" " No." "Just the pungent aroma of bullshit." " [ Doorbell ]" "Wait, wait!" "No one with any class shows up unannounced." " Ignore it." " What if it's "The Millionaire"?" "Did you ever see that show where Michael Anthony... shows up with a million dollars from John Beresford Tipton?" "But there's a catch." "You have to answer the door." " Wait, wait, wait." " Oh,Jack." " You're a great kisser..." "but a million dollars?" " You got a point." "Stay puckered." " [ Doorbell ]" " Coming, Mr. Anthony." "Hello, baby." "Surprised to see me?" "Wow, you're doin' very well." "Very, very well." "Steve, what are you doin' here?" "I heard you made out, so I thought I'd come by and see for myself." "Went by that radio station and told 'em I was... your long-lost brother home from the Navy just dying to surpr" "Who the hell is this?" " I'll leave you two alone." " [ Shirlee ] No,you don't." " Jack, this is Steve." "Steve,Jack." " How you doin'?" " Don't I know you?" " No!" "No, I don't think so." "You never been to Arkansas?" "We better do this another time." "Do what another time?" "It's none of your business." "I don't like your attitude." "That's a big word for you, attitude." "Why don't you just give your mouth a rest?" "[ Shirlee ] Damn you, Steve.!" "Want me to throw him out?" "'Cause I'll do it." "Ow." " I don't like you." " Oh, really?" "Too bad." " I was gonna ask if you want to spend Thanksgiving together." " Steve, get out!" "[ Shirlee ] I don't know why you're here... or what you think, but you can forget it, it's over!" "Well, maybe yes and maybe no." "But it'll keep." "I know you." "I can't put my finger on it, but believe me, it'll come to me." "Tell Shirlee..." "I like the Dusty rose." "Wait a minute.!" "I do owe you something!" " Ow." " Head back, head back." " I was gonna kick his ass." " I know." "Except I'm really more of a lover than a fighter." "I can see that." "Ow, ow!" "Now see?" "Ow, ow." " Maybe we better make it another time." " Yeah, maybe." "On the other hand " "We can... work around it." " Want to come in?" " Before I do... there's something I should tell you." "You're gay?" "No." " Married?" " No." "Will it spoil the mood?" "It might." "Will it keep?" "Yes." " [Jack ] Holy moley.!" " Is that all you can say?" " Ho-ly moley.!" " [ Giggling ]" "[ Shirlee ] Holy moley!" "[Jack ] Yeah." "Yeah." ""If I died tomorrow, I'd go with a smile." "Meet me at our coffee shop at noon."" "[ Doorbell ]" "Couldn't wait 'til noon?" "I just remembered where I saw that guy." "I told him it'd come to me." "[Jack ] Milo?" "Milo, you wanna see me?" "We're putting the weekend edition to bed." "Where's my story?" " There is no story." " What do you mean, there's no story?" "Okay, there is a story, but I'm not writing it." "Are you going funny on me?" " Milo, I'm sorry." "I just can't do it." " You know what I think?" "I think maybe you like this Dr. Shirlee a little too much to tell the truth." "Is that it?" "Let me tell you something." "A real reporter is somebody who maybe cries when he writes the story... but he writes the story because the public deserves to know." "What?" "What do they deserve to know?" "Every stupid fact that comes a reporter's way?" "Maybe sometimes the thing to do is keep your mouth shut." "Some facts don't matter to anyone except the person you're telling them about." "Don't pull this on me." "What do you think?" "I'm going to admire your backbone?" "You think I'm gonna respect you for standing up to me?" "Let me tell you something." "I hate backbone!" "I despise people who stand up to me." " Please, don't make me fire you." " You won't have to fire me." " Thanks." "I'm glad." " You won't have to fire me... because I quit." "[ Worker ] Three's about done, another fifteen minutes." " Hey, hey!" " What were you doin' in Flat River?" " And why were you askin' questions about me?" " Flat River?" "You talked to Steve." "He told me." "Give me a chance to explain." "Let's talk about it." " All I want is an answer." " It's not that simple." " You're a reporter." "You were doin' a story on me." " No." "Yes..." "I was but I'm not." "That's why you wanted to spend time with me?" "Be with me?" "So you could get the dirt on me?" "I thought you were different." " I thought my luck had finally changed." " Wait a minute, Shirl." " You don't understand." " You did a good job,Jack." "They say you shouldn't take your work to bed." " In this case, I guess they were wrong." " Man!" "Shirlee!" "I didn't write the story, okay?" "I quit my job over it." " Why should I believe anything you say?" " It's the truth." " Don't talk to me about the truth." " Don't talk to you?" " Why?" "Because you are such an expert?" " You lied to me." " You lied to the whole world." " It's not the same." "I hate to burst your bubble..." " but of course it is the same." " Good-bye,Jack." " Now what are you gonna do?" " I never said I was too good to take a bus." "Okay, Shirlee, it all started, yes... because I wanted to get a story on you." "Then I began to care and..." "Geez, Louise!" "God, you can be so pigheaded!" "Look." "No!" "Shirlee!" "♪♪ [ "Burning"]" "♪ ♪ Burning to know you ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Burning to show you ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd I've felt this way from the start ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Burning with passion ♪♪" "♪ I thought it was lasting ♪♪" "♪ Now it's burning a hole in my heart ♪♪" "Here's Dr. Shirlee arriving to her very first coast-to-coast broadcast." "A small but enthusiastic group of fans has been waiting patiently... to see their favorite talk-show host." "Now they're showing their appreciation." "Let's try to get her over here." "You shouldn't have told him to leave!" " Who are you?" " You shouldn't have told Sean to leave me." "Sean?" "You destroy someone's life and you don't even remember?" "Sure!" "Sean was the sober alcoholic and you wouldn't quit drinkin'." "[ Lady ] All you know is his side." "We got drunk together for years and I took care of him." "I took care of everything." "Then he sobers up and all of a sudden he wants to be in charge." "He was so different it scared me." "I was afraid I was gonna lose him so I got drunk a few times." "Like now." "But I was trying to get help when he left with the kids." " Did he tell you that?" " Lady, you got a problem, call her on the show." " Let's go." "Just wait a minute!" "He told me you didn't have kids." "You think everybody that calls is telling nothing but the truth?" "I thought " " Well, sure!" "Why would they lie?" "They're not talking to a friend on the phone, they're on the radio!" "Of course they're not going to tell you the whole truth." "You tell them what to do and you don't even know what's going on with 'em." "Are you gonna go?" "Or do we have to move you?" "I'm sober now." "And I am trying to get my family back together." "I just thought you should know, is all." "Great, well, thanks." "Can you believe that?" "These whiny little people thinking they can blame you for their pathetic lives?" "What a loser!" "Geez." "Hey, lady?" " Come on, guys!" " Look out, Mac." "Excuse us." "W-N-D-Y... is proud to present Chicago's foremost radio psychologist..." "Dr. Shirlee!" ""This is Dr. Shirlee and I want to welcome our new listeners." ""I feel privileged to have you listenin' in and I hope you'll call..." ""because without you... without you --"" "I'm sorry." "I can't do this." "I just can't!" "I've been lying to you." "I'm not a doctor." "In fact, my last job was teachin' dancin' in a place called Flat River." "I've been lyin' to all you people." "I'm not qualified to give you advice." "Maybe nobody is." "After talkin' to you two or three minutes on the radio..." "I'm givin'you advice based on the version of the truth... that you want me and the listeners to hear." "Sean... if you're out there, Lord knows I hope you're listenin'." "If you left your wife because I told you to... well, you left for the wrong reasons." "Never let anybody tell you whether to stay or go... whether to take this job or that job... whether to put up with your mother or tell her off." "You know why?" "Because it's your life." "It's gotta be your decision." "Maybe what's right for somebody else, may not be right for you." "Sean..." "Ann loves you." "Talk together." "Work it out together." "You decide what to do." "Lord, I've never come up with a solution in my own life... that wasn't worse than the problem I had in the first place... so who in the hell am I to be tellin' you anything?" "I can't do it anymore." "I'm done lying'to you." "I thank you for listenin'." "This is Shirlee signing off." "I'm returning' the car." "It goes with the job." "Wherever you're going, you'll need a car." "Nobody needs a $60,000 car." "Anyway, I'm not really a Mercedes." "I'm just a plain old Pontiac." "Maybe a Chevy." " So you haven't seen her?" " No sign of her, sir." "[ Perlman ] Go ahead." "You're on." " Hi, this is Debbie from Glen Oaks." " Hi." "Maybe we could do something to show Shirlee we care about her." "And what would that be?" " She was always talking about honking your own horn." " Yeah." "Maybe we could honk our horns at, like, midnight." "Great!" "Great!" "Honk your horns for Shirlee at midnight!" "There's no flight anywhere near Flat River, Arkansas, tonight at all?" "Okay, yes, sorry." "Thanks." "Hey, I thought you got fired." "Close." "I quit." "Just making a phone call." "It was a toll-free number." "[ Screeching Tires ] Don'tjump.!" " Don't jump." "Don't jump!" " Not again." "Law of averages, this time you'll kill me." "What are you doing here?" "Wishin'." "Wishin' for what?" "Wishin' I knew what to wish for now." "You were right." "I'm just a dance teacher with some cheap advice and easy answers." "No, I wasn't." "Not according to your listeners." "They've been calling since you walked off." "Talking about how much they love you, how you've helped them... how the days and nights are easier thanks to Shirlee's laughter, Shirlee's wisdom." "It's you they need, Shirlee." "It doesn't matter if you're a dance teacher or trapeze artist." "It doesn't matter!" "It's you." "What about Sean?" "I could've wrecked his marriage!" "Sean called right after you walked off." "He was gonna leave her anyway." "He just wanted somebody to agree with him." "If it hadn't been you, it would've been someone else." " [ Honking ]" " What's that?" "Stay right here." "[ Honking ]" "[ Perlman ] It's 1 2.00... and if you're not honking your horn for Shirlee,you should be." "They're honking' for me?" "Perlman had this idea that everybody who cared about you... should honk their horns at midnight." "Everybody who cares about me is honking' their horn?" "Everybody who loves you is honking their horn." "Shirlee... what do you think about the idea of a fresh start?" "I'm sorry,Jack." "I just don't have another fresh start left in me." "[ Honking ]" "I'm sick of cornflakes." "Cornflakes?" "I don't want to keep any more cookies in the cookie jar." "Release the woman.!" "Release the woman and place your hands on your head." " What?" " They think you're tryin' to murder me." "Hands on head!" " They think you're tryin' to push me off the bridge." " Very funny." "Hey, Dr. Shirlee." "It's me, Phil, remember?" "How's your daughter?" "She's back in school and doing well thanks to you, Dr. Shirlee." " It's just Shirlee now." " What?" "I'm just Shirlee!" "♪♪ [ "Straight Talk"]" "♪ ♪ Gimme some straight talk straight talk ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd hold the sugar please ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Straight talk, straight talk sounds plenty sweet to me ♪♪" "♪ Don't talk to me in circles in some mumbo-jumbojive ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Gimmejust straight talk and we're gonna be all right ♪♪" " [ Telephone ]" " Hello, Shirlee here." "What can I do for you?" "[ Man ] I feel women are more evolved than men." "Maybe the world is tougher for them." "But I know I'll be happier as a woman." "I'm already a female inside." "I want to be one on the outside too, so I'm getting the change." "I was wondering if you had any advice for me." "Gary, if you're sure that's what you really want, all I can say is... don't try to perm your own hair... and don't wear high heels on a soggy lawn." "Shirlee here." "What's cooking?" "♪ P ick up the phone you're not alone ♪♪" "♪♪ We've all got something to say ♪♪" "♪ L isten in and listen up we'll find a better way ♪♪" "♪♪ With honesty and common sense it's really hard to miss ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Straight talk, straight talk just tell it like it is ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Straight talk, straight talk don't sugar-coat it please ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Straight talk, straight talk sounds sweet enough to me ♪♪" "♪ Don't talk to me in circles in some mumbo-jumbojive ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Straight talk, straight talk and we're gonna be all right ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Straight talk, straight talk makes plenty sense to me ♪♪" "♪ Don't talk to me in circles in some mumbo-jumbojive ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Give mejust straight talk and we're gonna be all right ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Give mejust straight talk, straight talk ♪♪" "♪♪ A nd we're gonna ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Be all right ♪♪ ♪" "♪♪ [ "Light Of A Clear Blue Morning"]" "♪ ♪ I can see the light of a clear blue morning ♪♪" "♪ ♪ I can see the light of a brand-new... day ♪♪" "♪♪ Yes I can see the light ♪♪" "♪ Of a clear blue morning ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Everything's gonna be all right ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Everything's gonna be all right ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Everything's gonna be all right ♪♪" "♪ It 's gonna be okay ♪♪" "♪♪ 'Cause I can see the light ♪♪" "♪ Of a clear blue morning ♪♪" "♪ ♪ I can see the light of a brand-new... day ♪♪" "♪ ♪ I can see the light of a clear blue morning ♪♪" "♪ ♪ Everything's gonna be Gonna be okay ♪♪ ♪"