"Miss..." "Miss Wilkinson..." "Mr Cleg, I presume?" "I'm Mrs Wilkinson." "Come in." "We've been expecting you." "Wait here, Mr Cleg." "While I fetch me keys." "Good evening to you, sir." "You're familiar with the scorpion, I take it?" "no... no" "Not from Africa then." "I had you down as an old Africa hand no." "Africa..." "Now there's a dark continent for you..." "I knew a man once, who'd been told never to go bare foot because of the  scorpion." "ah, getting aquainted with the residence Mr Cleg." "Good." "This is Terrence, but I'm afraid we are not to be trusted." "Are we Terrence?" "now..." "lets get you upstairs." "out of those wet things." "got out of bed in the middle of the night, put his shoes on. stung by a scorpion." "sleeping in one of the toe caps." "Died in agony." "17 hours... take these Mr Cleg." "come." "Your room, Mr. Cleg." "Oh... not undressed yet?" "here... very well then Mr. Cleg." "I'll leave you to your own devices." "Kitchener Street" "Spleen Street" "home to... you're not a good survivor..." "I'll run away..." "I'll run away and down a canal" "and down a canal..." "Kitchener Street" "My mum" "Wakey, wakey, Mr. Cleg." "Not in bed, please." "I trust you slept well sir." "The bed in this house has a curious  character." "But one does grow used to it after  just a few years." "I will not..." "I will not be here that long." "Nor did I expect to be, but  it is a loud world." "and this... is an Island." "But... an Island sir  ruled by a tyrant queen." "Has the power to send any one of us back to where we came from." "the assylum, I mean." "Terrence, waxing already?" "Perhaps you'd share your thoughts with me sometime." "Mr. Cleg?" "How much shirts are you wearing?" "One, two, three..." "four?" "!" "Now really is this absolutely necessary?" "Oh... indeed it is madam." "clothes maketh the man... the less there is of the man, the more the need for clothes." "Brilliant." "Wing of a seagull" "It... could have gone nowhere else." "Are you making progress?" "What's you doing?" "Making something." "Aren't you clever." "You're so good with your hands." " This is for you." " for you... for you." "you run down the 'Dog' that's a good boy, tell you father his diner's on the table." " It's not on the table." " It's not on the table." "Well, it will be by the time you get him out of that pub." "Don't go out the front I just done them steps." " Who's this then?" " that's a new fellow aren't ya." "I've come for me dad." "He's not here, is he." "I can't believe she done that!" "oh look at his little face." "Bless him." " Good evening Bill." " Good evening Ernie." " the usual?" " ya, cheers." "Dad?" "Dad?" "Dad?" "Dad..." "Now don't you say a word." "Well..." "It was different when I was a girl." "We lived out in the country then." "Essex." "I remember how I'd go across the fields in the morning..." "And I'd see the webs in the trees." "Like clouds of muslin they were." "what, spider's webs?" "Spider's webs..." "Of course spider's webs." "They always makes webs?" "then look up close" "I'd see they wasn't muslin at all" "They were wheels." "Great big shiny wheels..." " You know what else?" " what?" "If you knew where to look, you could find the spider's egg bags." "Perfect little things they were." "Tiny little silk pockets she made..." "to put her eggs in." "What happened to her after she layed her eggs?" "You like this bit, don't you?" "She just crawled away without looking back once." "And then she died?" "Her work was done." "She had no more silk left." "She's all dried up and empty." "You ready then?" "As ready as I'll ever be." "and you!" "you guard the house." "Allright?" "What'll you have then?" "Gin and orange for me, Billy." " Evening Bill." " Evening Ernie." "Pint of bitters please and then gin and orange for the misses." "Gin and orange..." "I've seen more meat on a butcher's apron." "I felt that." "I says to him, I says "Is that the best you can do?"" "You want to take it up with..." "see what smart people have to say about it." "Getting an eyeful are you?" "It's that fat tart..." "Yvonne Wilkinson" " Cheers Ernie" " Cheers" "Some fat tart..." "Yvonne Wilkerson... gin with..." "Don't drink so fast, Bill." "Fancy another one?" "No, not ready for another one yet..." "He turns to me and I say:" ""Nora, Nora... there's no hurry."" "So back comes Nora she's on him right away" "Next thing she's got half of London..." "all over her." "She's standin there laughing." ""What are you laughing at?", I says." "and that ain't all she said..." ""Look at him, more like Tom Thumb"" ""Tom Thumb," I says, "what about, what about Tiny Tim?"" "how we laughed." "Now that he's dead, that's another story." "that was a right little heartbreak." "I wouldn't let him near me." "He told me today I said." "I say to him, I says "I have the decorador, then" know what I mean." "Yvonne Wilkinson" "She made the first move." " Yes?" " Pumber." " What?" " I'm the plumber." "I believe you have trouble with your pipes." "Eve!" "Plumber." "Don't tread on the cats." "It's in here." "That the plumber?" "Hello, Eva." "Eva?" "Wicked all day?" "All bloody day..." "All bloody day..." "You want air in those pipes?" "We got air... bad air." "Bad air ...can't you smell it?" "ya but it's coming from your lavertory, isn't it?" "I sincerly hope so." "Shocking, the state of the plumbing in this place." "You going to do me pipes or what?" "I got a letter from that Sofia Loren this morning." " Oh ya..." " ya." "What she want then?" "usual thing." "What?" "The old... you know?" "Exactly, right." "They're all the same." "All the same." "Still, what can you expect, really." "Mind you them Frenchies know a thing or two." "I should say ya a Frenchie one with three tits." " Get away..." " I swear to God." "One here, one here and one here." "Well you do surprise me." "Lovely girl." "Comes from Manchester." "You said a Frenchie." "Well that was a different one..." "My Mother had three tits." "A lovely woman your mother." "She did like a sailor?" "She loved a sailor my mum..." "Down to me, that was" "How's that then?" "Every time I smoke a fag... my mum... has it off with a sailor." " You smoke all the time." " well that's what I'm saying." "oh!" "Hello plumber." "What you say your name was?" "Now, don't tell me." "Bill." "Always been one of my favorites." "Had a cat called Bill once." "Nippy out, eh glad I got me fur." "Do you like my fur?" "Got it at the market." "Second hand." "Still, what's in these days..." "I'm a bit second hand myself..." "but you don't mind that do you Bill" "Probably like that... don't ya?" "a bit second hand?" "...lovely job you did on them pipes... there is quite air up in there... smelling got better..." "Oh, plumber..." "lets have ya ... heating my pipes..." "Oh do you... ooh..." " Hold each other - ya what's this?" "ooh, plumber!" "ooh!" "Hurry up, Bill." "Bloody freezing." "I'm stopping here for a bit." "suit yourself." "I'm goin back up to 'Dog'." "I went down to Salisbury for a drink." "Can't a man go for a drink after his work?" "I won't live like this..." "wasn't meant to live like this." "ya, but it's not my fault is it." " Oh yes it is." " No, it bloody isn't." "It's all right, Spider." "Your father and me we're just..." "having' a talk." "You woke me up." "That's all right now." "We're all coming up to bed now." "Care about my big Spider." "Let's go on up." "Look what I bought." "Think your dad will like it?" "Spider?" "Doesn't fit..." "You will pick it all up, Mr. Cleg." "Every single piece!" "Ya, hello?" "Gas works got you have they?" "I'm not surprised." "Nasty stuff... gas." "I knew a man once, put his head in a gas oven, turned on the gas, then... he changed his mind." "His head was stuck." "smell gas." "ya, I smell..." "Gas..." "Gas... gas will smell..." "gas in here... honey it's certainly nice to stay in for a change." "Just the two of us." " Wouldn't it, aye, Billy." " No it bloody wouldn't." "I'm sick of this house." "Bill!" "Oh, Spider..." " Double scotch." " coming up" "So... plumber..." "Feeling any better tonight know what I mean?" "Why don't you a..." "why don't you come down to the allotment?" "The allotment?" "When?" "Well, I'm heading off now?" "Why don't you come down in a bit." "All right, plumber." "Don't mind if I do." "I'm going out, Spider." "I'm going to meet your father." "shit.. oh!" " You all right then?" " ooh why yes!" "oh, you tipped over bad right there." " You all right?" " will be in a minute." "This way." "You're going to take me right in there are you?" "Take you right in there, oh ya I have something to show you all right." "What?" " Oh ain't it lovely." " Home sweet home" "Two large scotch." "a... pint of bitter... three gin, 7 bags of crisps and 20 Embassy please." " What can I get you dear?" " Oh no..." "I'm looking for my husband." "Right!" "She's looking for her husband!" " Who's your husband dear?" " Bill?" "Bill who?" "Bill Cleg." " Bill Cleg..." " Bill!" "You're wanted!" "Is he in here?" "Not if he's got any sense he ain't." "Bill Cleg..." "I don't know him." " Regular is he?" " no ra  no, at least I don't think so." "Sorry dear." "Can I get you something?" "No." "Thank you." "That would be all right, aye plumber?" "That would be all right, plumber..." "What?" "What?" "We don't care!" "You'll wake up the neighbors." "They're my neighbors now aren't they." "Oh ya that's right..." "'cause you're mine now." " ya, that's right isn't it." " just you and me." " Oh Billy." " Ohh" "you bastards!" "Bastards!" "Keep away, ya bastards!" "Or I'll do the fucken' lot of ya!" "I am not a Spaniard!" "Put it down Freddy." "come on..." "Do us all a favor." "No one said you was a Spaniard." "You... bastard" "I'll cut your fucken' heart out with a trowel!" "Don't talk to me about nonchalance!" "Stay away!" "Keep away you bastards...!" "I'm warning ya!" "I'll don't come near me!" "found found piece a piece of glass  on the floor" "found on the floor..." "There it is." "We was worried about that one." "Take your eye out that would." "Kitchener Street" "We're going to go to the shops  we'll get you... some food." "just put you in your buggy." "There's a good girl..." "Right." "Off we go..." "Good girl." "What are you looking at me like that for?" "you have turned into a most peculiar boy recently." "No wonder your father's worried about ya." "It's not worth it." "It's your turn" "Here's your toast" "Dip (lard) in it, if you want it." "Your father might be home early today..." "He'd bloody wonder if everything gets done  ask yourself is it worth it." "Yes, it's true he murdered your mother." "Try and think of me as your mother now." "They told me to go back to the gibblets, can you believe it." "Murderer!" " What are you saying?" " You're both murderers!" "Down the cellar I've had enough of this." "Come here you, you..." "Come back here!" "now don't bother coming back!" "Murderer!" "the hell... murderer" "Murder, they're both murderers." "Dennis?" "Dennis?" "Dennis..." "You all right?" "Come on Dennis." "Come here." "I want to talk with you." "What... what is the matter with you Dennis?" "Why are you so  angry with us?" "You know you're making your mother very unhappy." "She's not my mother!" "Oh, this again..." "Who is she then?" "Who is she Dennis?" "Who is she?" "She's a tart!" "You cheaky monkey." "We should smack your head!" "She's a cheap tart!" "You killed my mum, you murderer!" "You bloody murderer!" "Dennis..." "Do you know what you're saying?" "Are you daft?" "I don't know where you get your ideas from." "You're by yourself too much." "you need some mates." "When I was your age I had mates." "Every young lad needs his mates." "Dennis  you still think I  I done her in?" "Answer me." "Do you think I done her in?" "Thank God for that." "All right." "Let's go home then." "Come on." "Sorry." "Sorry." " All right then?" " All right now." "You sit yourself down." "I went out and I got something nice for your supper." "Wakey wakey" "Wakey wakey..." "Wakey wakey..." "Well, Mr. Cleg?" "What's you lookin at me like that for?" "Say something, Mr. Cleg." "cat got your tongue..." "I'm missing a spare set of keys." "I left them on this table last night." "And when I came down this morning they were gone." "Well?" "Mr. Cleg?" "What do you know about my spare keys?" "A spare set of keys?" "Several keys on a ring?" "Mr. Cleg!" "Not in your room, Mr. Cleg  this filthy thing... will come down." "I'll ask you again, Mr. Cleg." "Were are my keys?" "Who are you?" "Don't play dumb with me my friend." "Alright, you leave me no alternative." "Arms up, legs apart." "What a magpie you are." "What have you hidden then... aye?" "Nothing to say to me, Mr. Cleg?" "Oh!" "Come on!" "Doesn't work." "The plumbing don't..." "Oh plumber..." "fucking toilet don't work." "You stay here!" "no, no..." "For God's sakes somebody help me, please!" "For God's sakes!" "For God's sakes..." "You did this." "You did this." "You did your mum in." "You... you killed your mother." "You murdered your mother." "Oh God..." "What have you done?" "What have you done..." "You ready to come back to us then, son?" "you got smoke..." "you got smoke, John?"