"Okay." "Forever Tabs." "Take one." "Are you tired of feeling old?" "Do you miss waking up with vim and vigor?" "Seniors, the first step to a healthy tomorrow is to get a good range of vitamins and nutrients in your diet." "Forever Tabs can help you do just that." "Forever Tabs?" "Frank, good God." "Are you serious?" "Who doesn't want a little more vim and vigor?" " Just pick it up from the end, Nora." " Yes, Frank." "From the end." "Forever Tabs can help you do just that." "I use them..." "No, I don't use them." "All you have to do is take one and you're legally clear." ""Them" is plural, Frank." " Then take two." " I'd take four." "But, look, if you want me to do the spot, I'll do the spot." "They asked for her on this one." "Why is that?" "Am I more senior than he is?" "Hardly." "Let's do the hotel spot, Nora." "They're offering rooms for half price." "I'll get you some more water and give you a second to look it over." "All right." " Oh, good God in heaven." " What?" " Frank, I can't say this." " Nora, Nora, Nora." "What is it?" "Oh, God, this is so cheesy." "I'm embarrassed to even read it to you." " It can't be that bad." " The Hotel Velone." "We make the beds, you make the magic." " That's pretty catchy." "Yeah." " There's more." "Turn down service comes with a boat of strawberries" " in every room." " Strawberries." " What would you do with that?" " They're high in vitamin C." "Karl." "There are windows on all four sides of this room." "So?" "We're adults." "Your daughter owns the station." "I mean, how much trouble can we get into?" "One skinny vanilla latte with whip." "Oh, well, thank you." " Is it your birthday or something?" " No." "Why?" "You've been coming in the last few days, every morning you order a skinny vanilla latte and then today, out of nowhere, whip." "So I thought it might be a special occasion." "No, I just thought that I would, you know, try something new." ""The Presidency:" "A Deconstruction of American Politics."" " Wow, that sounds political." " It is." "I'm teaching a seminar." "I'm more into fiction myself." "I guess I'd rather read something interesting than true." "Really?" "Well, why do you think they can't be both?" "Did you know that President Taft got stuck in a White House bathtub and they had to pry him out with a big board?" " That's all you got?" " Warren Harding had sex in a White House closet, died of ptomaine poisoning, and rumor had it that his wife murdered him." "Not bad." "Not bad." "So if you had to choose, of all our presidents, which one would you have slept with?" "Well, you can decide later." " Lincoln." " Really." "Lincoln." "Wow, interesting." "They named a bedroom after him." "Oh, sorry." "I'm Seth, by the way." "Kitty." " Hi, Kevin." " When you were trying to adopt, how much weight did you gain?" "Please tell me you're not emotionally eating." "Depends if you think a cannoli, two bear claws, and a Linzer Torte constitutes breakfast." "You guys are shoo-ins." "The social worker is going to love you." "What if she hates us?" "One bad impression is all it takes." "Everything has to be perfect." "You and Scotty are a foster adoption dream team." "I'm a nervous guy, okay?" "Okay for a child." "What if there's a flood?" "Oh, my God." "This barista is totally hitting on me." " I'm in the middle of a crisis." " You're not." "Besides, this is gonna take your mind off of it." "Okay, what does he look like?" "He's very cute, in a Genius Bar kind of way." "Brownie." "Hallelujah." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "He wrote his number on my coffee cup." "What do I do?" " That's Sarah." "I gotta go." "Bye." " Kevin?" "Kevin." "Hi, Queen of All Media." "I just saw Mom making out with our on-air psychiatrist in the studio." " Are you gonna fire her?" " No, I wouldn't have just cause." " But it would be fun." " I can't believe you work with Mom." "I don't." "She's an employee of one radio station of five that I own." "She's a very small ant in my kingdom." "Now, why did you call earlier?" "I wanted to know good preschools in L.A." "Just in case the social worker asks what we're thinking in terms of education." "You know there is such a thing as being overly prepared." "Now listen, I'm trying to get out of here." "Luc's off to China tomorrow, so if you don't have anything else..." "Right." "What are the plans tonight?" "I'm gonna surprise Luc with something special." " Like what?" " If I tell you, it won't be a surprise for very long, will it?" "I think this brownie was a little much." " I better go." " The what?" " What?" " What?" "Nothing." "Sarah, honey, I hope you're not upset about the..." "Mom, you can kiss anyone you want at work, okay?" "I never let it stop me." " Well, I..." " No, me neither." "Oh, for God's sakes." "Sarah, would you please warn me when there are other people in the room?" "Mom, I have to go." "Say goodbye to Luc for me, Sarah." " Okay." "Bye." " Good luck today, honey." "Bye." "Sarah, why won't you let me have everyone over tonight, so we can celebrate Luc?" "I mean, he's painting a mural in Shanghai." "Thanks, Mom, but no." "Tonight is strictly Luc and me." "Anyway, won't you be busy?" "What do you mean by that?" "Okay, if you don't wanna talk about Karl..." "Sarah." "I like him so much." "I like him so much." "I swear I'm, like, completely and utterly falling head over heels." " In love?" " No, down the stairs." "What do you think?" "Mom, that's fantastic." "We've been to dinners and lunches and movies." " Anything else?" " No." " But that's not so important right now." " No." "No, that's not important." "That's why you were making out in the studio." "Well, of course, it's important, but..." "Look, I've been through some things over the past years, and I don't mind taking it slow." " Nothing wrong with slow." " Nothing wrong with slow." " Slow is good." " Slow is good." "Can we enjoy this?" "Foster adoption is supposed to be joyful." "It's about starting a family." "Okay, but we have to control the variables." "You know, strangers come into this restaurant every day." "Kevin." "They're customers." "Is that a safe environment for a child?" "What if there's a flood?" "We're getting a visit from the social worker, not the FBI." "We need to get fingerprinted too." "The FBI is coming." "Scotty, have you seen my bag?" " No." "Kevin?" " No." " A little brown bag with a brownie in it." " Oh, yeah, I ate it." "What?" "I saw it." "I was hungry." "It all happened so fast after that." " I'll buy you a new one." " You can't, actually." "My prescription's up." "That was the last of my stash." "Thanks a lot." " Prescription for what?" " Medical marijuana." "It's for his back." " Yeah?" " Look up." "Hey." "What's up?" "Well, I just wanted to make sure that you gave me the right number." " You are so hot." " I know." "I know." " How old are you?" " Twenty-seven." "Oh, my God, you're 27." " Do you hit on a lot of older women?" " No." "And you're not old." "God, you're so sweet." "Okay." "That was fun." "Well, call me sometime." " Checking in tonight?" " Yes, I am." "I knew you would call back." "You slept with a 20-year-old?" "Twenty-seven." "I did not sleep with him." "We just made out." "Then why did you type that you hooked up?" "Hooking up can mean anything from making out to casual sex." "Next time, could you be more specific, because I am a very busy woman." "Okay, he's a barista in a coffee shop." "Oh, of course, he is." "What's his name?" "Taylor?" "Tyler?" " Scooter?" " Actually, I don't even remember." " Who are you right now?" " I don't know." "I guess I'm lucky." "I guess I'm fabulous." "Where did you make out?" "On top of the coffee beans." " Oh, my God." "And I thought I was risqué." " I know." "Can you even believe it?" "I mean, I am so proud of myself." "I am usually so decorous and appropriate and..." "I don't know." "I don't know." "Excuse me, but the maître d' at the restaurant gave me this key." "I am usually so appropriate..." "Kitty, I gotta go." "I'm in a very important meeting." "You are such a liar, Sarah." "I know that Luc is there with you." "Goodbye." " Meet me for lunch at Hotel Velone?" " Wouldn't you prefer room service?" " How's the menu?" " It is extensive." "Hello." "I'm Sarah." "I am your hostess for today, this evening and tomorrow morning." "Would you like to start with an appetizer?" "Oh, yeah." "Anything below the waist is considered a tip." "Okay." "Excuse me, Miss McCallister?" "Oh, Dean Whitley." "Hi." "Hello." " Please." "Do not stand." " No, please." "You have come all the way down to the Political Science Department." "The least I can do is give you a proper greeting." "And I think it's you who came all the way down to Wexley University." "When I heard that you agreed to offer this seminar," "I ran out on my balcony to watch the liberal bias of higher education shift slightly back to center." "Well, I'm very happy that I can provide some balance." "When some of these eager young minds meet a brilliant Republican role model, and listen to her lectures, and talk to her at the coffee shop..." "Oh, yes, yes." "Well, I just want you to know that I am so looking forward to this opportunity." "Good." "Now, if you ever need anything, please remember to call me." "And..." "Oh, I forgot to tell you, the alumni association's having a fundraiser next month and they're hoping you will agree to be on the host committee." " Whatever I can do to help." " Good." "I will tell them to call you, and it was just lovely seeing you again." "Thank you." "Thank you." "I am going to walk you out, because I have a very sudden desire for a cup of coffee." "How are you feeling?" "I am so stoned right now." "You have to help me." "Why don't you lie down in the bedroom?" "Because the social worker's gonna be here any minute." "No, I told you, she's not coming until tomorrow." "People like me do not deserve children." "I should be behind bars, Scotty." "I'm gonna turn myself in." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "I've only been stoned ever once before in my life." "I thought I should try pot before college, so I bought a joint from Ozzie Archibald." "It was as big as a cigar." " That's a blunt." " I made sure no one was home." "I went to the yard and smoked it." " You smoked the whole thing?" " Half?" "I don't know." "I buried the rest in Justin's sandbox in case the police found it." "Then I locked myself in my room, read an old Spanish textbook because I thought if I could just focus on something, anything." "Then Mom came home." "I'm starting to freak out again." "Okay, Kevin, breathe." "Keep it down." "She needed help with the groceries, I had to go into the kitchen, and she just looked like a giant piñata floating above me, and then she started speaking in Spanish." " Really?" " Yeah." "There must have been something in that joint." "Well, I don't know." "I don't do drugs." "I have to find Sarah." " Sarah?" " Yeah." "Sarah." " Was Sarah...?" " When Sarah came back, she saw how baked I was, and managed to get me from paranoid schizophrenic into groggy, stupid and hungry." " What did she do?" " I don't know." "I have to call her." "You can't call Sarah." "She's got some big extravaganza with Luc." "Well, you're starting to speak in Spanish, so I don't have a choice." "I can't believe I forgot my glasses." "This is painful." "Like trying to read the nutritional information" " on the back of the cereal box." " Here." "Try mine." "Oh, thank you." "What a gentleman." "Always happy to help a damsel in distress." "Karl." "I've been thinking about us." "Really?" "Me too." "Really?" "What if we don't order anything?" "I mean, what if we do something totally insane?" "Let's check into Hotel Velone." "I mean, they're having this promotion." "Rooms are half off." " Are you serious?" " Oh, for heaven's sake, Nora." "It's obviously been a while since I asked a woman to, you know, anything like this, so..." "Well, I'm glad you did." "I'm really very glad you did." " It's just that if we're gonna do this..." " Yes?" " Spend the night together." " Yes." "My apartment is boring and..." " Well, why don't we go to my place?" " I've been there before, remember?" "As were most of your children," " various family members..." " Yeah." "Yes, of course." "They do have a tendency to show up every now and then." "Yeah." "I'd have to go home first." "Me too." "So, what do you think?" "They make the beds..." "We make the magic." "I wasn't expecting a honeymoon until after we were married." "Call it a sneak preview." " Oh, God." "I'm so..." " Gosh." " Luc, I am so sorry." "Let me get some ice." " I'm okay, it's okay." "Yeah." "I'll get you a towel." "Oh, my God." " I'm good." "I'm good." " I'm sorry." "Hello?" "Hey, Kev." "Yeah, yeah." "Yeah, it was a surprise." "Oh, we're fine." "Yeah, at Hotel Velone." "Kevin?" "Hello?" "Weird." "Kevin just hung up on me." "Tell me you didn't tell him where we were." "So, what if I did?" "It would only be a matter of time before they come over." "They'll wanna see the room." "Gay people love this hotel." "I'm sorry, baby." "I know you want tonight to be perfect, but no one is coming over here." " Not even your brother." " Even so," "I think we should have all cell phones off." "Complete radio silence." "Honey, I am so sorry." "Oh, God." "Oh, no." "Let me see." "It's bleeding." "If this is a sneak preview, I can only imagine what a real honeymoon is gonna be like." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Yeah." "That's really..." "Yeah." "Yeah, no." "Don't stop." "That..." "You know, I used to love watching that show you did." "The Red, White and Blue." "Are you serious?" "You have known who I am this entire time?" "Was I not supposed to?" "Fine." "Fine, I don't care." " Just keep massaging my hand." " Well, that's what I thought." "So do you...?" "Do you remember my name?" "Well..." "You know, I don't think you ever told me your name." " Yes, I did." " No, you didn't." "No, you didn't." " Okay, what is it?" " It's Seth." "Seth." "Seth." "Oh, my God." "Oh, my God." "Wait a minute." "Stop." "Stop, stop, stop." "I don't..." "My God." "What am I doing here?" "You're having fun." "You're having fun." "Just relax." "Just relax." "There you go." "Okay, well, if you keep doing that, I actually might fall asleep." "That's not what I had in mind." "Okay, you know what?" "You're like out of a porno movie." "I'm surprised you didn't show up here with a pizza." "Know what?" "Now you're talking." "I'm starving." "I could get a pizza." " I have to go out anyway if..." " Why do you have to go out, anyway?" "It's kind of embarrassing, but I only brought two condoms." " Oh, well, hurry up." "Just hurry up." " All right." "Yeah, I'm here now." " Hello?" " Luc." "Hi, it's Scotty." "We're kind of downstairs in the lobby." "They make me feel better." "I wanna hold one." "He really needs to see Sarah." "Yes." "Thank you." "Okay, we'll be up in two minutes." "Bye." "Okay, let's go." "Yeah." "I'm in the lobby now." "All right, I'll meet you there." "Got your first-aid kit." "Thank you so much." "Housekeeping should be done cleaning soon." " I'm sorry about the mess." " Name is West." "Dr. West." "Karl." " Sarah." "Oh, what a surprise." " Hi." "Yeah." " Are you staying here too?" " No." "Just sign here, sir." "You'll be in Room 714." " Wait, are you here with my mother?" " No." "No, I'm working on a book." "I sometimes check into a hotel so I can focus better." "I work best alone." " You don't live alone?" " Yeah." "But my neighbors are doing this massive kitchen remodel." "And the noise." "So I decided to splurge on a little peace and quiet." " And it's half off." " Right." "Yeah." " So, what brings you here?" " My fiancé is going on a business trip, so, you know, we wanted to have a romantic night, just the two of us." "Look, I won't keep you." "Nice to see you, Karl." "Yeah." "Dr. West, would you like the complimentary strawberries and cream?" "Yeah." "I think she'd like that." "Good luck with your book." "Oh, my God, I gotta call Mom." "I just ran into Karl West downstairs checking in." "Ordering strawberries." " Sarah." " Scotty." "What the hell are you doing here?" "Sorry." "I know we're intruding." "I didn't know where else we could go." " We?" " Yeah." " Kevin is in the bathroom." " Oh, no." " He ate a pot brownie." " Oh, God." " It was an accident." " All right, Kevin, come out here." "I'm so sorry." "It's just, last time this happened, you somehow helped me get through it." "Are people speaking Spanish?" "Oh, God." " I thought we should help." " I'm so pathetic." "I'm so sorry." "You can't help me." "I have to find my own way home." "No, Kevin, lie down." "We'll get you some coffee or something, okay?" " Coffee." "Is that what you did?" " I don't remember." "But his problems are way more serious than that right now." "The police are outside." " They're not." " I passed them on the way up." " A whole SWAT team headed this way." " That's ridiculous." "Hotels have dogs to catch people like you, Kevin." " What am I supposed to do?" " You've gotta pull it together." " What's your birthday?" " April 18th, 1971." " Mother's maiden name?" " Holden." " Last four of your Social?" " Five-three-five-two." " Is that right?" "Kevin?" " Yeah, it's right!" "Yes?" "Good." "You feel better now?" " Yeah." "A little." "Maybe." "I guess." " Good." "That's what I did last time." "I just scared the crap out of him." "Something about the adrenaline shot." " Gotta call Mom." " Don't get involved." " What's going on?" " Karl checked in to the hotel for an afternoon romp." "With Mom?" "Wait, she's here?" "My God, I'm freaking out again." "No." "Not with Mom." "See, that's the point." " The point?" " Dr. Karl." "That's who I should call." "I should call Dr. Karl." "Don't get involved in your mother's relationship." " I'm not gonna let this guy break her heart." " You don't know what's going on." "You didn't see him." "He was like a deer in the headlights." " Kevin doesn't even look as guilty." " I'm warning you." "Why don't you two take Mr. Hemphead for a walk?" "Sober him up." " And what about our romantic evening?" " It'll happen." " Stop fighting." " Okay, sweetheart." "Let's go." "Let's get up." " I'll take you over there." " Thanks." " Do what you need to do." " Thank you." "Don't pet the dogs, Kevin." " Hello?" " Kitty?" "Honey, I'm sorry to bother you." "I tried to call Sarah, but I think she turned her phone off." "Oh, hello, Mom." "How are you?" "Never mind, honey." "Never..." "I really shouldn't be talking to you about this." "Oh, okay." "Well, then I'll talk to you later." "Wait." "Just because I shouldn't be talking to you about this, doesn't mean I'm not going to talk to you about this." "Okay, well, what's wrong?" "It just..." "Karl and I figured it was time for us to, like you kids say, hook up." "You're right." "This is so not appropriate." "Please listen." "So we made a date to do just that." "And I..." "It just is making me so nervous." "We're making such a big deal out of it." "It's all so premeditated." "Oh, my God." "Please tell me that you didn't go to some hotel or something." "No." "No." "No, we wouldn't do something as stupid as that." "I mean, why make a nerve-wracking situation worse?" "There is nothing for you to be afraid of, okay?" "People have been having sex for thousands of years." "I know." "The whole point is up until now," "Karl and I have not been one of them." "Sweetie, I've got to go, okay?" "Thanks for talking to me." "I'll talk to you later." "Bye." " What floor?" "Oh, sure." " Seven." "I'm so sorry." "What happened to you?" "You would think a pizza boy would know how to carry his stuff without dumping it all over people." " You want me to get some club soda?" " No, no, don't bother." "It's a lost cause." "Poor kid." "I felt sorry for him." "I'm sorry I'm late." "Everything always takes a little longer than you think." "I can never figure out these key cards." " You know, they go in weird and..." " Right." " What a nice room." " Yep." "There is the boat of strawberries we were promised and some mints." "That's nice." "And adjustable lighting is always a good thing." "You're nervous, aren't you?" "Yes, I am." " Aren't you?" " Of course." "Yes." "Oh, I'm sorry." " I'm sorry." " That's okay." "Yeah." "You know, I'm soaking wet and I'm sticky, so I'm just gonna..." " I'm gonna just be right back, okay?" " Yep." "I'll just be right back." " Hello?" " Karl." "It's Sarah." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Sarah." " How can I help you?" " I'm not gonna pretend" "I don't know what you're doing in this hotel, but you should know one thing." "My mother has real feelings for you." "So if you lead her on, you won't just have me to answer to." "There are five of us and we look out for each other." "Okay?" " I have to go." " Goodbye." "Wow, you wouldn't believe all the products in here." "Kevin would freak." "I feel so bad about that woman." "Well, did you offer to pay the dry cleaning bill?" "Yeah, yeah." "And she refused to take any money from me." "And then I got so upset, she somehow made me feel better." "Oh, God." "That sounds like something my mother would do." "Well, anyway, wine's better." "Yes, it is." "So, what are you gonna be when you grow up?" "Well, I'm a writer." "Or, you know, I'm trying to be." "I haven't been published or..." "Oh, well, please, that's okay." "You know Ulysses S. Grant?" "He was a total loser, complete failure most of his life." " I've learned a lot about presidents today." " Well, you should take my class." "You'd probably learn a lot more." "I could, you know." "I'm a grad student in the Lit Department." " You're kidding." " No." "You know, it makes sense, right?" " Coffee shop's two blocks from campus." " No." "No." "Oh, my God." "No." "No, no, no." "This doesn't make sense at all." "This is..." "This is..." "I teach there." "Well, you said you were a guest lecturer." "Still." "It's unethical." "It is not unethical." "Well, okay, then it's not the kind of example that I wanna set, okay?" "Why didn't you tell me this before?" "Well..." "You didn't ask, you know." "And I don't know." "I didn't think it was that big of a deal." "It..." "That's where you're wrong because it's a very big deal." "See, remember, I told you that I had to go see the Young Wexley Republicans?" "How do you think they're gonna feel when they find out I've been hooking up with a graduate student?" "You know, I ran for Senate, so I have a certain reputation I have to live up to." "And I..." "You wanted to have a little fun, and now it's over." " I get it." " I'm sorry." " You don't have to make me feel bad." " No, no." "Look, hey, don't, all right?" "Don't feel bad, you know?" "I mean, look, contrary to what you might think, we're both adults." "I knew what I was getting into." " I'm..." " I'll go." "I'll go." "I'm..." "Oh, man, I'm sorry." "This is just..." "Well, maybe not the most attractive thing on earth, but it's dry and what the hell?" "You look beautiful." "Did I hear the phone ring?" "Who called?" "Yeah, it was housekeeping." "You know, there is..." "There is another robe in there for you too." "I'm feeling just a bit weird being the only person in the room not wearing any clothes, so..." "Why don't you take your clothes off too?" "Well, in a minute." "In a minute." "Well, I could always spill some icy-cold beverage on you." "No, thanks." "Look, can we just have a seat here and drink some of this icy-cold champagne?" " Well, this is awkward." " I would understand" " if you're having second thoughts." " Well, I'm not having second thoughts." "Are you having second thoughts?" "Oh, my God." "You're having second thoughts?" "No, I just wanna make sure that we know what we're getting ourselves into." " That's all." " We're in a hotel room, Karl." "I'm naked here." "How could we not know what we're getting ourselves in for?" " Please don't get upset." " Well, I am upset." "I am upset." "My God." "What is your problem?" "You invite me here to this hotel and then you change your mind?" "I'm in a frigging bathrobe here for God's sakes." " Can we talk this out, please?" " We can't talk it out." "We can't talk it out." "I'm not one of your patients." "Just go, okay?" " Goodbye, Karl." "Go." " I'm sorry." "I'm sorry." " I never intended..." " You never intended?" "To what?" "To sleep with me?" "No." "No." "No, I did." "Yes, yes, yes." "But..." "I ran into your daughter..." " My daughter?" "She's here?" " Sarah." "In the lobby." "Don't worry, I didn't tell her that I was meeting you." "I didn't." "Nora, your family is so important to you and there are just so many of them." "And I worry if we take this to the next level..." "So my family is too much for you?" " Once we do something like this..." " Like what?" "Have sex?" "Oh, God." "Karl, you are making such a big deal out of this." "People have been having sex for thousands of years." "Yes, I know that." "But there are just a lot more feelings at stake here." "And it is a big a deal." "I mean, which is why we have to be honest about everything." "Well, I am honest." "I have been honest." "I'm not so sure about you." "L..." "Where are you going?" "Anywhere else but here." "Oh, Karl, you're..." "Just a sec." "I hope you're alone." "Mom." "Well..." " How did you...?" " Oh, God, this is awful." "Oh, no." " Did you follow him here?" " Well, it wasn't my idea to come here." " That's for damn sure." " Wait, why are you wearing a robe?" "Because it's more embarrassing like this." "Oh, no." "Karl was meeting you here?" " Oh, I thought..." " What?" "The only reason I called the room was..." "You called the room?" "Sarah, what did you say?" "I just wanted to make sure he didn't hurt you." "Oh, God." "You told him I was in love with him, didn't you?" "No, no." "I just said that you liked him." "A lot." "And then I physically threatened him, I think." " Oh, Sarah." " I'm sorry, Mom." "I think I really messed it up." " Oh, God." " Kitty?" "I can't talk right now." "What?" "No, just..." "That's where I am." "The Hotel Velone." "Kitty's here too?" "I'm feel..." "Mom?" " We're all here." " Oh, God." "I should just jump." "What floor are we on?" " Eight." " That ought to do it." "Okay, okay." "Thanks, hon." "So the boys are happy in Kitty's room." " Hopefully, they will stay there." " Thank you for getting rid of them." "The last thing on earth I wanted to look at right now is Kevin stoned out of his gourd." "There's a little bit more Cabernet." "Who wants it?" " Me." "Give it to her." " Me." " She gets whatever she wants tonight." " Well, at least I learned Karl is not interested in me sooner rather than later." "Well, he got you down to your robe." " No, the pizza boy did that." " Pardon me?" "It's a long story, honey, and it's fine." "No, Mom." "It's not." "I meddled." "I shouldn't have." "He told me not to." "I messed everything up for you." "I completely obliterated your brand-new relationship." "I'm so sorry." "I'm not mad at you, honey." "I'm mad at Karl." "Well, I'm mad at me." "Our night is ruined." "All I wanted was this one perfect night." "Just the two of us, before you went away." "And now you're leaving." "In 12 hours you're gonna be on a plane to China for two months." "Oh, my God." "And I don't want you to go." "I mean, of course, I want you to go." "It's an amazing opportunity, I..." "Well, honey, he'll be back." "I know that, Mom." "Oh, okay." "I just wish we had more time." " Miss you." " I got a text." " From Karl." " What?" "What does he say?" ""Wanna talk?" "Meet me downstairs in the..."" "He can't even complete a text." "All right. "In the bar."" " Are you gonna go?" " No, of course not." "At least he's out of the room, and I can go put some clothes on." " Okay, Mom." "Bye." " Wait, wait, wait." "As the only man here, can I just say something?" "Men can be heartless, I know." "But most of us, we just act like fools." "The better ones admit it." "I think you should hear him out." "God, I love pizza." "Don't do that." " I'm kidding." "I'm sorry." "I just..." " That's not funny." " Oh, how the hell did this happen to you?" " It was an accident." "Well, It wouldn't have happened if you weren't stuffing food down this morning." " I was nervous." " There's nothing to be nervous about." "Kevin, the State of California is not going to turn you down." "Do you know how many needy kids there are...?" "Well, maybe that's why I'm freaking out." "Because this is finally going to happen." "Can't win." "You're nervous we won't get a kid, you're nervous we will get a kid." " I'm a nervous guy, okay?" " Okay." " Okay." " Can we order more pizza?" "Oh, I didn't even order it, actually." " Seth went out to get more pizza." " Why did you send him home, anyway?" "He neglected to tell me that he's a student at Wexley." " Oh, are you dating one of your students?" " No." "It's not illegal to date a student so long as he's not your student." "I'm a Republican." "I'm a Conservative." "And according to Dean Whitley, I'm a living testament to family values." "You know what I think?" "I think you can feel whatever you want." "So stop worrying whether Conservative women should sleep with 20-year-olds." " Twenty-seven." " Or what the dean of family values thinks of you." "Live." "Yeah." "I think I'm finally sober." "I got your text." "Yeah, well, desperate times call for desperate messaging." " Can I get you a drink?" " No, thank you." "But I will sit down, though." "I had a glass of wine upstairs." "A lovely Cabernet." "Right." "With Sarah." "And Kevin and Scotty and Kitty." " They're all here?" " Yes." "And I know, there are so many of them." "I'm sorry." "I behaved horribly, which wouldn't be the first time." "Okay." "My..." "My ex-wife hated Cabernet." "She always complained it was too jammy." " I didn't know you'd been married before." " Yeah, it lasted 18 months." " What happened?" " Well, I didn't want any children." "You didn't have that conversation before you decided to walk down the aisle?" "You'd think, but, no, not really." "You see, I have a difficult time expressing my feelings, so..." "Perhaps you should seek professional help." "I do, I do." "I did." "I just got off the phone with my shrink." " You're in therapy?" " Yeah, yeah." "The same guy that I saw when I lived in Chicago." "We do a phoner once a week." "Really?" "That's interesting." "And what, offhand, would you say is your problem?" "Well, I don't exactly have a great track record when it comes to intimacy." "So when I heard that you like me..." "Oh, God." "Oh, God." "What did...?" "Sarah told you what?" "I was falling for you?" "Pretty much." "Yeah, yeah." "When she said that, you know, all my old tapes started playing, and I panicked." " No kidding." " Yeah." "But what I wanted to tell you..." "I mean, the reason that I texted you..." "What scared me, I think, is I might be falling for you too." "What, did your shrink help you realize that?" "Well, that, and that I was an idiot for suggesting a hotel." "Yeah." "Well, it was half off." "You know, I never expected to meet such an amazing woman." " Especially at this point of my life with..." " Oh, just stop." "No more words." "Don't talk." "Look." "You know where I live." "I make a hell of a roast chicken." "If you'd like to come over for dinner sometime, just the two of us, we could just see how it goes." "Text me." "You know, I don't know about you, but I'm starving." " Tonight?" " I love roast chicken." "Okay." "Okay, hey." "Hi." "Good morning, everybody." "This is a class about politics." "What is it?" "I..." "That's a very good question." "Politics is about changing the world, one day at a time." "It's the social worker." "Hello?" "Yes." " Oh, I'm sorry." "Is it serious?" " What?" " Oh, of cour..." "Yeah, no problem." "Bye." " What?" "What?" "Social worker has to reschedule." "Apparently, her kid's really sick." "After all that buildup?" "Yeah." " I guess I should go back to work." " Wait." "You know, we haven't had much time lately" " for just us." " That's true." "And it hasn't been the easiest couple of months." " No." " Right." "So why don't you and I check into a hotel room?" " No." "Not..." " No, it could be a second honeymoon." "We'd have to put some serious distance between us and your family." " Is Nepal far enough?" " No." "But Vegas might be." "And I could call my sous-chef, and she could cover for me." "If we leave now, we could be hours away before they even know we're gone." " Call her." " Really?" "Yeah." "Let's go." " Okay." " I have a great idea what we're gonna do." "What time is it?" " It's time for me to go." " God, no." "I fell asleep." "I'm sorry." "You don't have to apologize." " Last night was actually..." " A disaster." " I was going to say unforgettable." " Wasn't the ending I was hoping for." "I completely underestimated how much Scotty and Kevin love old movies." "Actually, that was my fault." "I love Humphrey Bogart." "I'm gonna miss you." "Look, we'll get through this." "I'm gonna call you every night." "I'm gonna e-mail, Skype, sex-text you." "I'm gonna paint as fast as I can." "I love you." "How much time do you have exactly?" " The taxi will be here in 20 minutes." " Yeah?" " We'd have to be fast." "Yeah?" " I can do fast." "Nora." "Morning, sleepyhead." "I don't remember ordering room service." "Well, you didn't have to." "Oh, this is nice." "Fresh berries and coffee." "Last night was wonderful." "Well, you have a grand hotel here." "We make the magic, and we make the beds." "Hi." "Hey." "Well, I didn't expect to see you again." "Like you said, you're only a couple of blocks from campus, so I..." "Yeah." "So how were those Young Wexley Republicans?" "I hear they can be awfully judgmental." "Oh, they're fine." "They're fine." "My problem is that I like you." "And I was wondering what you think I should do about that." "So, wow, you're asking me?" "No." "No." "If that's your phone number I've already got it, because you called," " so it's in my phone, you know." " Oh, I know." "I know." "I'm just giving it to you again."