" Hi." " Hello." " Who'd you come to see?" " You!" "Oh, that's swell." " What do you people want?" " Pictures!" " Do we have any pictures?" " Well, why don't one of us go see?" "Okay, I'll be back in a week." "No, he'll be right back." "He'll be right back." "Here." "Look, Joe." "You all ready?" "All right, now get set." "There they go." "Here they..." "I'm all right." "I'm all right." "Go get them!" " Goodbye." " What a town!" "Boy, you'd think we had made the first flight to the moon and back." "And after every show the crowds get bigger." "Yeah, remember when I used to be scared of crowds?" " Yeah." " No more." "I like them." " They're only people." " That's nice." "Hark!" "Someone's knocking at the door." " Answer it." "Answer it." " All righty." " Oh, hi, Eddie." " Well, hello, Eddie." "What's happened to you?" "It took three cops and a squad of ushers to get us into the theater." "Boys, I'd like you to meet Miss Lorelei." " How do you do?" " Hello, Miss Lorelei." "How do you do?" "Oh, that's our boy, the biggest agent in town and the easiest laugher." "Here, watch this." "Miss Lorelei, I want you to meet my mom and pop." " How do you do?" " I'd like you to meet my mom and pop." "They ain't here." "Miss Lorelei's doing a story for the American Weekly." "You boys seem to have more fun than the customers." "Oh, we do." "Isn't it wonderful when people love their work?" " The food is ready." " Oh, can I fix you a sandwich?" " No, I'll just take some notes." " That's not very nourishing." "Here, why don't you try some of this terrific corned beef" " and salami and..." " Now, about my story..." "Oh, yes, well, sit right down here, and we'll find out just how everything came about." "Now, how long have you been in the business?" " About 12 years." " 12 years." "And where were you born?" " Scranton." " Scranton?" "Oh, that is a coincidence." " Were you boys born in Scranton?" " No." "Is this your first engagement at the Paramount?" " Oh, I don't work here." " Then what are you doing here?" "I came to get an interview from you." "Well, you better hurry up." "We're almost on, dear." " Now, what would you like to know?" " Hey, fellows, two minutes." "Two minutes?" "What happened to the time?" "You and Pop, you want to go in the wings and watch the show?" "Did you leave the props on the piano in the last show?" " Come on." " I got the horns, Joe." " What else do we have, we..." " We don't use the horns this show." " Oh, well, hold these, Mama." " Come on, Miss Lorelei, with us." "But I want to know how you boys got together." " Well, what about it?" " Well, what do you expect to do next?" "Oh, we're going to play some more theaters and keep working, that's all." " Come on." "Jump, jump, jump!" " Come on." "This way." "Come on through here." "Jump." "Come on." "Don't be..." " We gotta go on." "Jump!" " Right." " Come on, jump off." "Come on!" " That's a good girl." " Oh, you fraidy cat." " No, no." "What are you afraid of?" "Well, we're on!" " You enter from that side." " And you enter from that side." " And are you ready, Mr. Anthony?" " I sure am, Mr. Miller." " Here we go." " Right-o." "So here he is, Harvey Miller." "Hello." "Come on, step to the rear of the bus." "We're coming into 34th Street." "I'd like to say how very happy and thrilled we are, ladies and gentlemen, to be appearing here at the Paramount Theater, and how nice it is to see all you nice people." "I could stay out here for hours, but the Italian street singer is getting old." "So I would like to introduce my buddy, pal and partner, Mr. Joe Anthony." "Here he is." "Don't you want me to sing a song?" "Oh, yeah, but I thought you and I could do a song together both." " Together both?" " Yeah, wouldn't that be splendid?" "Yeah, that would be peachy." " Oh, shall we do one?" " Yes." "Oh, thank you, Great White Father." "What would you do without me What would you do, boy" "What would you do without me when I'm gone" "I'd sell my car and hock my ring And go right out and hire Bing" "That's what I'd do without you That's what I'd do" "But tell me what would you do without me" "What would you do, boy" "What would you do without me when I'm gone" "I'd have no trouble replacing you I'd just go down to the nearest zoo" "Oh, that's what I'd do without you That's what I'd do" "We will be" " Just like brothers, you and I" " Just like brothers, you and I" " I'm for you" " I'm for me" " And I'll love you till I die" " And I'll love you till I die" "Oh, what would you do without me What would you do, boy" "What would you do without me when I'm gone" "When my bankroll's gone and I need some dough" "You're always telling me where to go" "See?" "What would you do without me What would you do" "We will be just like brothers, you and I" " I'll go east" " I'll go west" " And I'll love you till I die" " And I'll love you till I die" "Oh, what would you do without me What would you do, boy" "What would you do without me when I'm gone" "I've been your stooge and been your clown" "Who picks you up when you are down" " Who has $10 and gives you $9" " Who sticks by you come rain or shine" " Who's always taking it on the chin" " Who's always there, lose or win" "Who's always been a regular guy" " I'll love you till I die" " I'll love you till I die" "Oh, what would you do without me What would you do" "Then it must be Mr. Miller's family has the theatrical background?" "No, no, but you ask me, I tell you." "When Harvey is younger, his papa is number one golf champion in the whole country." "One day it was the final match," "Father and Son Tournament." "Harvey Miller, Sr., wanted his son to be great golf champion, too, and follow in his footprints." "Capisce?" "I'll do my best, Dad." " I'm sorry, Dad." "I missed the cup." " That was a great drive, Harvey." "Thank you." "Remember, they're only people." "What's the matter with you?" "Hit it." " Those people are staring at me, Dad." " Don't look at them." "Look at the ball." " Look at the ball?" " Yes." " Now, what's the matter?" " It looked back." "Now, Harvey, hit that ball." "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Hit it!" "Now what about your son, Mr. Anthony?" "Well, I feel like Harvey's papa." "I want Joe to follow in my footprints." "Jump in, Joe." "We're gonna cast off." "Pop, I don't want to fish anymore." "I get seasick." "You crazy." "Your grandpapa don't get seasick, your papa don't get seasick, you don't get seasick." "I don't feel so good already." "But, Joe, we don't leave the dock yet." "Here, you eat something." " You'll feel better." " Oh, Pop." "You may be the sickest fisherman in the ocean, but you're gonna be a fisherman." "Look, Pop, you can't treat me like a kid any longer." "I'm grown up." "From now on, I'm gonna stand on my own two feet." "But on dry land!" " Joe!" "Joe!" "You come back here!" " Joe, Joe." "Four years later, Joe is a big boy, but his sea legs no good." "Four years later, Joe is a big boy, but his sea legs no good." "He wanna try his land legs." "So he leave home to take all kind of job." "He work very hard, but he don't like digging ditch." "Anthony, you're through." " You sure?" " I'm sure." "And the boss is always picking on him." "Joe finally know just what he want to do with life." "I wanna go home to San Francisco." "How about it?" "Hop in." "He was plenty smart." "In four years, Harvey grow up into a big boy, too." "He hope some day to marry my daughter, Lisa." "But that golf, it was still in his blood." " What time is it, Mr. Fisher?" " Two minutes to 12:00, Harvey." "Wow." " Mr. Miller." " Yes, Mr. Baxter?" "Take lunch one hour later today." "Oh, but, Skin..." "But, Mr. Baxter, I got tickets to see..." "No buts, Miller." "Your lunch is at 1:00." " Lisa..." " Harvey, did Mr. Baxter speak to you?" " Yeah, come on, we're going to lunch." " Oh, but, Harvey, we can't." "Mr. Baxter..." "I don't care what Mr. Baxter said, Lisa." "We've got tickets to see Ben Hogan play, and we're going to see him play." "Now, come on." "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen." "This is Wendell Niles bringing you a play-by-play account of the San Francisco Open." "It's a beautiful California day and everybody's having a wonderful time." "Ben Hogan is stepping up to the ball now." "There's the back swing." "The ball is in the air and it's beautiful!" "It's underneath that..." "It's funny, Lisa." "Crowds don't seem to bother Mr. Hogan." "I don't want to be a killjoy, Harvey, darling, but I'm worried about our jobs at the store." "You know how Mr. Baxter is about employees taking too much time for lunch." "Harvey, I'm worried about Mr. Baxter." "Why, has he shot yet?" "Mr. Baxter, our boss, who could fire you just like all the other Mr. Baxters in your life." "And then we'll never be able to get married." "Oh, don't worry about money, Lisa." "I bet a whole two weeks' salary on Mr. Hogan." "Harvey, you didn't!" "... right through that clump of trees or under a low-hanging bow." "What a tough break for Ben." "How about us?" "Two weeks' salary." "Harvey, what are we going to do?" "Come with me, Lisa." "Give me a nine-iron, please." "Mr. Hogan." "Mr. Hogan, this is a very important shot to me." "And to me." "Well, this is a very fast green, Mr. Hogan, and you're gonna need a lot of backspin." "So I suggest you use your wedge." "Well, if you don't mind, I'll use the nine-iron." "I just thought I'd mention it." "My name is Harvey Miller, Jr." " How are you, Harvey?" " I'm fine." "How are you, Mr. Hogan?" " How's the family?" " Fine, thank you." " That's swell." " Come on, son." "Let Mr. Hogan shoot." "All right." "That's a wedge shot, Mr. Hogan." " See what I mean, Mr. Hogan?" " You're so right." "You see, I played this course many times with my Dad and I..." " Come on, boy, off..." " You're not Mr. Hogan." "Now take your hands off me." "Hurry up and change." "I'll just push the clock back a little bit, so old Skinhead won't know." "Old Skinhead does know." "Well, don't tell..." "Mr. Baxter!" "Miller." "Miller." "Miller!" " Miller?" " Yes, Mr. Baxter." "We're having a terrific run on birds today." " Birds?" " Badminton birds." "Miller, why?" "Why did you take three hours for lunch?" "Well, you see, Mr. Baxter," "I go to this terrific little restaurant in Dallas, Texas." "Dallas, Texas!" "You..." " Miss Anthony." " Yes, Mr. Baxter?" "You're fired." "Oh." "Oh, Mr. Baxter." " Good afternoon, Mr. Johnson." " Hello, Harvey." " It's a nice day, ain't it, Mr. Johnson?" " Yes, it is, Harvey." "Watch where you're going, boy." "Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Phillips." "I guess I was going where I wasn't looking." " Miller." " Oh." "Look out!" "Help, help!" "Put that ladder back there, you..." "Miller!" "Miller!" "Miller!" "Mr. Baxter, please don't hit me." "I didn't do nothing, Mr. Baxter." "I was just out and I..." "All right, reach, Baxter." "Now, now, now, Miller." "It's a different story now, ain't it, Baxter?" "Yeah, we..." "We were just having a little fun." "You were having a little fun, Skinhead." "Skinhead..." "Yes." "It's a different story now." "The shoe's on the other foot." "All right, you had your chance then, Baxter." " Now, Miller!" " Mr. Baxter!" "Oh, I'm sorry." "You look just like a rhinoceros." "Wait, I did it and I'll fix it." "Here." "Miller." " One second, Mr. Baxter." " Yeah." " Miller, Miller, Miller." " No, it's all right." "No, I got it." "Now, just..." "That's fine." "Miller." " I'm going to get it now." " Miller." "Here it comes, Mr. Baxter." "All right." "We got it, didn't we?" "That wasn't so hard, now, was it?" "Mr. Baxter!" "Got off those skates!" "Miller!" "Come back here." "Now, listen, Miller..." "Miller, that's not funny." "Miller!" "Get off of there, Miller!" "Get off of there!" "Not the China Department!" "Not in the China Department!" "It's all right, Mr. Baxter." "I won't hit anything!" "Miller." "I'm sorry, Mr. Baxter!" " Mr. Baxter?" " Yes?" " I'd like to give my two weeks' notice." " Well, that will be..." "Get out." "Get out." " Harvey." " Yeah?" "Where's that winning smile?" "Come on, let's see that dimple." "No, I'm no good for anything, Lisa." "I'll never smile again." "Harvey Miller, is that any way to talk?" "It's the only way I know how." "Look, all great men have had to go through bad times." "You've read about them in books." "Then when you're famous, why you'll..." "You'll look back and laugh." "Ha, ha, ha." "Just say I'm no good for anything." "I let you down." " Go ahead." " Okay." "Harvey Miller, you're no good for anything." "You've let me down." "Gee, it sounds awful when you say it." "I wish my brother Joe was here." "He's had a lot of experience in business and he could help you find yourself." "I ain't even lookin' for myself." "All I know is golf." "And I sure wish I could forget it." " Hey." " What?" "Why forget it?" " Huh?" " Teach it." "Why, with all you know about golf, you'd be a cinch to open a school." "You can stand people one at a time, can't you?" "Yeah." "Gee, that's a good idea, Lisa." "Boy, if I ever amount to anything, you'll be the woman behind the man that made the man behind the gun who loved the woman behind the man behind the gun." "I got carried away." " Goodnight, Harvey." " Goodnight, Lisa." "Goodnight, Lisa." "You know what?" "The first thing in the morning, I'm gonna get organized." "Goodnight, Lisa." "Goodnight, Harvey." "Mama reserved the church for February, but she can postpone it again." "Maybe she won't..." "Maybe she won't have to." "Once I get my school started..." " That's right, Harvey." " Uh-huh!" "Goodnight, Harvey." "Goodnight." "Excuse me." "I got carried away again." "Thanks a lot, pal." "Don't make too much noise." "Don't want to wake the folks." "I haven't been home in years." "Hey." "This is my room." "You're in my bed." "Excuse me." "Hey!" "See you tonight, Lisa." "Ma!" "Pop!" "Ma!" "Pop!" "Lisa!" "Joe!" "Hey, Mama!" "Joe!" "Joe, it's wonderful you're back." "You know, there's somebody in this house." " You wait, I get my harpoon gun." " Come on, let's..." " I found him in my bed." "He looks nutty." " Oh, no, Joe." "I don't know who he is." "That's it." " That's Harvey." " That's Harvey." "Harvey?" "You're away from home so we rent him your room, Joe." " Yes." "He's nice boy." " Sure, he's a nice boy." "Come on, we fix Joe something to eat." "Yes, yes." "Harvey." " Oh, I've seen this before." " Goodnight, Harvey." "Not me." "Goodnight, Lisa." "Lisa, what is that?" "Better get used to him, Joe." "He's going to be your brother-in-law." "That's nice." "My brother-in-law?" "You want some coffee?" " Real hot coffee?" " Warm him up." " Who makes better coffee than Mama?" " Not nobody." " Papa sometimes." " Here you are, all finish." "It's just like new." "Here, you, you try it on?" " There we go." " Look good, Mama." " How's it look, Pop?" " Very good." " Good?" " Nice, nice." "Oh, Mama, she's good to have Joe back?" "Now, you're home, Joe, we're gonna throw all these tables out." "Pop, here's $5." "Buy yourself a new pipe." "Oh, Joe." "But, Mama, you could buy a new dress?" "Hey, by the way, Pop, what does Harvey do for a living?" "Oh, he's a good boy." "He's no working now." "See?" "Let's try it." "Now, take the club back slow and easy." "You should keep your head down, Lisa." "Now swing straight out and follow through." "Will you please keep your head down?" "Let me show you, Lisa." "You stand over there." "$10,000!" "Hey." "What's going on here?" "What're you doing?" "Harvey's going to be a golf instructor." "I'm his first pupil." "Oh, Harvey, this is my brother, Joe." " Oh, hello, Joe." " Hi, Harvey." " Hey, you're pretty good." " Oh, thanks." " He's wonderful." " Yeah, but why teach?" "Why don't you play?" "You ever read the sports sections?" "You can make a lot of money in those tournaments." " Tournaments, tournaments." " Tournaments." "No, I can't play in front of people." "Oh, no, people make him very nervous." "He's high-strung." "Yes, I'm strung very high." "Well, you won all those trophies, didn't you?" "Oh, no, those are my father's." "Harvey Miller, Sr." "He was a great golfer." " Are these your father's?" " No." "Those are my baby shoes." " Oh, you won these?" " No, I wore them." " You wore them?" " Yeah, I never won anything." " I tighten up." " Oh, Harvey, you shouldn't tighten up." "You got to relax." " Don't be jerky." " I can't help it." "Wow." "Wow!" "Joe, you're good, too." "You think I spend all my time in poolrooms?" "You're a natural, just like my Dad." "He won $5,000 at Pinehurst, and $7,000 at Tam O'Shanter, and $20,000 at Inverness, and besides that, there's sporting goods companies with endorsements and exhibition games." " Go ahead." " I'm out of breath." "You'd make a wonderful combination." "Yeah, and there's a tournament opening in Santa Barbara in a couple of weeks." "You could be the player and I could be the caddy." "There's a $500 prize." "Gee, that'd buy us a lot of furniture." "It would mean work, work and more work." "You have to bear down." "You know, I think you're running a fever." " I'm no golfer." " All you have to do is practice." "Hey, what's the matter?" "I'm gonna get the police and make you pay for the mess!" "He's coming, he's coming." "Ma?" "Ma?" "Will you sew a button on for me?" "Harvey, hurry up with the cake." "Hurry up." " Oh." " Hey." " Hey, what's going on here?" " It says "Welcome home, Joe." "Amore."" " That means..." " Love." " It's Italian." "How'd you know?" " I used to work here." "Take back the cake." "He used to work here." "Home from your triumphal tour, Joe?" "And this time is for good, too." "Joe, like old time, you sing a song for Mama." "Oh, no, Mom." "Not in front of all these people." "Joe!" "You sing for Mama." "In Napoli where love is king" "When boy meets girl here's what they sing" "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie" "That's amore" "When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine" "That's amore" "Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling ting-a-ling-a-ling" "And you'll sing "Vita bella"" "Bravo, Joe." "Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay tippy-tippy-tay" "Like a gay tarantella" "Lucky fella." "When the stars make you drool just like pasta fagiole" "That's amore" "When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet" "You're in love" "When you walk in a dream" "But you know you're not dreaming, signora" "Mama." "Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli" "That's amore" "If you still kiss your girl after garlic and oil" "That's amore?" "That's amore" "If you call her your pet though she's shaped like spaghett" "That's amore?" "That's amore" " Bells will ring" " Ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling" " And you'll sing "Vita bella"" " Vita bella, Vita bella" " Hearts will play" " Tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay" "Like a gay tarantella" "Tarantella" "When the stars make you drool just like pasta fagiole" "That's amore" "That's amore" "When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet" " You're in love" " You're in love" "When you walk in a dream" "But you know you're not dreaming" "Signore" "Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli" " That's amore" " That's amore" "Everybody sing." "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie" " That's amore" " That's amore" "When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine" " That's amore" " That's amore" "When you walk in a dream" "But you know you're not dreaming" "Hey, signore." "Scuzza me, but you see back in old Napoli" "That's amore" "Signore" "That's amore" "Oh, Joe." "Everybody sit down!" " Come on." " It's getting cold." "You eat, you eat." "I got to make important announcement." "Tonight, I tell you, is the finest night in the whole life of me and Mama." "Like my papa and me, soon there gonna be another fisherman in the family." "Congratulations, Mama." "Do you feel all right?" "Oh, Harvey." "You're crazy." "We're gonna have back with us the second most finest fisherman in all California." "My son, Joe." "But last night I got to thinking, old boat not big enough for two big fishermen like us, so I talk to Mr. Spezzato this afternoon." "And I'm proud to say he sold me the Santa Clara." "And I give Papa a good trade-in, Joe." "What's the matter, Captain?" "All we owe is $500 cash." "$500?" "But, Pop, why didn't you ask me first?" "But you come home." "You stop running around the country like a hobo." "You come home for good, no?" "Well, even if I did, I don't want to be a fisherman." "Then what you gonna do?" "I'm gonna play golf." "He's gonna play golf?" "Golf?" "What's a golf?" "What's a golf?" "I mean, what's golf?" "You hit a little ball with a stick." "You don't want be a fisherman, huh?" "You want to hit a little ball with a stick?" "Why?" "There's a lot of money in it." "Sure, Pop." "If I win a couple tournaments," "I could fish for ten years and never make that kind of money." "And I bet you never heard of Ben Hogan." "He won $10,000 in two days at Pinehurst." "You want to make a living hitting a little ball with a stick?" "And Harvey's father won $20,000 at Inverness." "And Jimmy Thomson won $5,000 at Tam O'Shanter." "Oh, they won all this money, huh?" "For what?" " For hit a little ball with a stick." " Harvey." " Well, that's what he said." " Well, he knows how to say it." " Papa, Joe could be a great golfer." " Si..." "I can see it all now." "We're on the course at Pinehurst." "There's a thousand people following us." "We're ready to tee off on the last hole." "Now, I hand Joe the club." "He walks up to the ball very nonchalantly." "He takes aim, he swings and it's a screamer right down the fairway." "Fore!" "Then I hand him his niblick." " What's a niblick?" " That's a littler stick." "Now, he hits the ball right up on the green." "It's about 25 feet from the cup." "Now, if he sinks this, he beats Hogan." "He'll be the new champ." "He aims, he putts and the ball is going right for the cup." "It's at the cup and it rims the edge and goes around, and around and around and around..." " But it doesn't go in." " It don't go in?" "But, wait." "Hogan putts." "He hits his ball, and it knocks Joe's ball right into the cup!" " It's in, it's in." "We won." " Sure we won." "He's my son, no?" "And they take him up to the Judge's Stand and they give him this trophy." "He's the new champion." "Then they present him with a $10,000 check." " Bravo." " I take it, and, Pop, I give you some money to pay off the new boat." "I buy Mom a mink." "And you two send your kids to Harvard." "They'll be doctors." "You trying to kill me, Joe?" "That's enough for today, Joe." "Here we are, Joe." "Let's go in and register." "Okay with me." "Hey, dig this rug." "They really live it up here, huh?" "Oh, yeah, my Dad used to take me to all these places when I was a kid, and he said it's very important to socialize." "So mix, mingle." " Hello." " Hello." " Hi." " Names, please." "This is Joe Anthony, and I'm Harvey Miller, Jr." "Joe Anthony." "Yes, entered from San Francisco." "Uh-huh." "But I don't see any Harvey Miller, Jr." "No." "Oh, that's right." "Joe's the player." "I'm his caddy." "The caddy house is next door, son." " Oh, yes." "Thank you." " Wait a minute." "We're partners." " Lf he can't stay, I don't stay." " Oh, no, Joe." "Will you excuse me just a second?" "Now, Joe, don't worry about me." "I'll be all right." "We caddies have an awful lot of fun together." "And you belong here and I belong there." "We'll be together." " Thank you very much, sir." " The caddy house is that way." "You told me before." " I'd better go along with him." " Take my word for it." "He'll be all right." "Come on, I'll introduce you around." "Mr. Anthony, Bruce Reeber." " How are you?" " Hi." " Gaston Leron." " How do you do?" " Sidney Benthall." " How do you do?" "Jonathan Preen and Harry Bell." "How are you?" " I'm Kathy Taylor." " Hi." "Mr. Anthony is from San Francisco." "Say, if you're from San Francisco, you must know Ted Kohler" " of Kohler, Heisler and Dodge." " No, I don't." "Oh, but you must, if you play at the Bay City Country Club." "I don't." " What club do you represent up there?" " None." " What club do you represent up there?" " None." "I know now." "You played in the Phoenix Open, didn't you?" " No." " Anthony." "Anthony." "San Francisco." " What business is your family in?" " Fish." "Importing or exporting?" " Catching." " Oh." "I beg your pardon, I would like to know if I could..." "I beg your pardon, I would..." "I beg your pardon!" "I'm sorry." "I would like to know if I can have a locker." "Hey, you're quite a tomboy, aren't you?" " Oh, yeah?" " Oh, yeah?" "Well, sticks and stones will break my bones, and names'll never harm me." " Could I have a locker?" " Yeah, down that way, buddy." " Thank you, sir." "You're a gentleman." " Thank you." "Come on, we got a pigeon." "Come on." "Well, look at skinny-boy." " Is it alive?" " You get out of here!" " All right." " No, it's not." "Oh, brother." "Boo." "Go on, get out of here!" "Go ahead." "Hello, fellas." "Wise guy." "Smart aleck." "Soap." "Towel." "Towel." "Towel." "Towel." " I didn't even finish." " I didn't even enter." "Won't you..." "Hey, buddy, you got a towel?" "Somebody took mine." "Oh, thanks." "You got awful small caddies here." "I got soap in my eyes." "I went over to get some water and there wasn't any." "It's murder when you get soap in your eyes and you can't get to the water to wash and I'm in my..." " Young man!" " I know, it's this way." "Oh, that kid!" "I love him!" "He..." "Those of you who tuned in late, this is Tom Harmon reporting on the Santa Barbara Open, with Joe Anthony..." "Again, Papa." "I told you we need a new one." "You wait." "I make fix." "Work like a charm." "Joe Anthony approaches the ball." "His caddy is down behind the ball, lining it up on his stomach." "He goes over to the golf bag," " gets out a whisk broom." " Wait one second, Joe." " He starts to brush a path to the cup." " Take it easy now." "Harvey?" "Will you get out of the way, Harv?" "Anthony waits very patiently." "He's now by the hole and he's lining up the..." "It's about two feet on your right." "Don't be nervous." "He approaches the ball." "He putts." "There it goes." "It's rolling, rolling." "It goes round and round and in!" "Attaboy, Joe!" "Nice going, Anthony, old boy." " Nice putt, Joe." " Congratulations." " We'll see you at the party, Kathy?" " I'll be there." "Oh, Mr. Anthony, won't you join us at the party?" " Well..." " No?" " Yes." " Hey, Joe, you were absolutely..." " Oh, very nice officialing, sir." " Yes." "Will you get out of here?" "Oh, all right." "I don't want to disturb anything, Joe, so I'll see you back at the..." "At the home." " You thought I was going to say motel." " Okay, goodbye, Harvey." "Nice round, Mr. Anthony." " Congratulations." " Thank you." " Give us one more, Joe." " Turn on the charm, Mr. Anthony." "Give them the full force of your personality." "Fine." ""Welcome Home, Champ." Wonder who that's for?" "Oh, that's for Joe." "We gotta celebrate, don't we?" " Joe!" "Hi." " Hi." " That smells good." " It is good." "Just like Mama makes." "She taught me." ""For Joe." Hey, what is this?" "Open it up, Joe." " Oh, a new cap." " No, that was my Dad's." " But it's yours now." " Thanks." "Try it on." " Fits just like a glove." " It sure does." "Thanks, Harvey." "Oh, that's okay." "And here's something else." "I want you to have this." "My Dad won this at Inverness." "You know the old saying "money comes to money,"" " maybe cups will come to cups." " Thank you." "That's all right." " Yeah, but I have a party..." " Yeah, it is sort of like a party, Joe, and I got the wide noodles you like so well." "No, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble." "Oh, it's all right, Joe." "A man that's under pressure should have things he likes." "And it's good for the stomach, too." "After this, we'll have a couple of scoops of that terrific chocolate crunch ice cream and we'll hit the sack." "Yeah, but Kathy Taylor invited me to the club dance." "Kathy Taylor?" "Kathy Taylor." "Oh, that nice girl from the country club." "Oh, yes." "Oh, no!" "You can't go out, Joe." "You're in training." "Well, all the other fellows are going." "Well, gee, Joe." "I'm supposed to be your manager, isn't that right?" "Yeah." "And I'm supposed to specify whether you can go out or not." "Sure." "Oh, Harvey, I wouldn't do anything to hurt our chances." "You'll dance until your legs are wobbly." "You're right." "I'll sit out every dance." "That's twice as tiring." "Oh, Harvey, I'll be home early." " 11:00?" " 11:00." " Scout's honor?" " Uh-huh." "And if you're not home, can I come after you" " and bring you home?" " Scout's honor." "Okay." "Oh, Harvey." "I'm sorry about all this." "Oh, that's all right." "What's the difference, Joe?" "All I have to do is take off one plate." "Anyhow, it'll be good for you to relax." "Have some laughs." " But don't forget your promise." " 11:00." " Okay." "Bye." " Bye." "Excuse me." " Hello." " Hello." "Don't you remember me?" "Kathy Taylor." "Girl receptionist." "Belle of the links." "Oh, yeah." "Well, good evening." "I better make that goodnight." "I'm out of uniform." "You're positively stunning." "So what if you left your dinner jacket at home?" "I left it in Kansas City." " But I can show you the pawn ticket." " I believe you." " Shall we dance?" " Only if I lead." "You can lead." "Good evening." "What's the matter?" "I'm worried about that dinner jacket in Kansas City, waiting for you to come back and you never do." "Don't let that upset you." "I used to wear that when I was a singing waiter." "It's full of beer stains anyhow." "And powder, too." "And probably tears." "Some poor girl waiting for you to come back and you never do." "Better make that plural." "Girls." "Here we go again." "The subtle female approach." ""Is he attached or unattached"?" "Okay, so you don't like my approach." "What's yours?" " Ready?" " Uh-huh." "Step number one:" "Shall we get a breath of air?" "We shall." "I'm worried about step number two." "Step number two:" "He sings a song at her." "Well." "I'll brace myself." " Promise to catch me if I faint?" " I promise." "You're the right one" "Yes, the right one" "I have never been so sure of anyone before" "You're the first time and the last time" "You're the one time there'll be no more" "You're the star" "That always seemed so far" "But, darling, here you are" "For all the world to see" "So, if you love me say you love me" "For I know that you're the right one for me" "You're the star" "That always seemed so far" "But, darling, here you are" "For all the world to see" "So if you love me say you love me" "For I know that you're the right one" "The right one" "For me" "Know that you're the right one for me" "It's after 11:00." "Joe." "Gee, Joe, if the Rules Committee ever saw you..." "Now, get in here." "Come on, Joe." "You can't sleep with your clothes on." "How could you do this, Joe?" "With the second round coming up tomorrow." "Don't worry about me, I'll come out fighting." "You're so drunk you don't even know you're a golfer." "Now, look, if it's golf you want, okay, but just don't nag, Emma." "Emma?" "I'm Harvey." "Hiya, Harvey." "Well, I thought you was Emma." " And who are you?" " I'm Emma's husband." " Oh." " Don't tell her, though." "No." "Where do you live?" "Harvey, my boy, if I tell you, will you promise not to take me there?" " No." " Good." "I live next door." " Come on, let's go." " Now, look, Harvey, I insist..." "Come on, mister, will you please?" "Here." "Easy." "Take your pants and your shoes." "Easy now." "Come on." "Hi, Emma." "I don't know where you've been, but at least you came home with first prize." "Joe." "Sing it again." "How about another chorus?" " Sing it again." " More." "Sing it again." "Not a cloud in sight" "The sun's just right" "The world's a bright bouquet" "It's a wonderful kinda whistling' kinda mornin'" "Oh, life is sweet" "As sweet as people make it" "So tweet your tweet" "And hear the robin say, "Okay"" "Get a happy-go-lucky feelin'" "Come and live it up while you may" " Harvey." " Joe, do you realize it's after 11:00?" " So what?" " Well, you promised, Joe!" "Promised what?" "Well, you promised you'd be home at 11:00." " Now, it's after 11:00!" " Harvey, I'm in the middle of a song." "Well, I'm sorry, Joe." "You said you were gonna come home." "Stop the music." "Stop the music." "Now, say goodnight to everyone." "Goodnight to everyone." "Goodnight, you all." " Goodnight, everyone." " Harvey!" "Goodnight..." "You're very rude and impolite, sir." "What're you laughing at?" " You." " Well, don't." "You may have a child of your own some day." "What's the matter with you, Harvey?" "You shouldn't yell at these people." "They belong here and you don't!" "Yeah?" "Well, they shouldn't laugh at me, Joe 'cause I'm trying to take good care of you." "I appreciate that, Harvey, but I have to finish the song." " We can't be impolite and leave now." " You could if you wanted to." "The music." "Hey, hey, what are you doing?" "Stop pulling." "Let me go." "It's the crooniest, tuniest Juniest day to say" "Not a cloud in sight" "The sun's just right" "The world's a bright bouquet" "It's a wonderful kinda whistling' kinda mornin'" "Oh, life is sweet" "As sweet as people make it" "So tweet your tweet" "And hear the robin say, "Okay"" "Get a happy-go-lucky feelin'" "Come and live it up while you may" "It's the dillyest, dallyest pallyest day today" "It's a wonderful kinda whistling' kinda mornin'" "Oh, what a mornin' Oh, what a mornin'" "It's a wonderful kinda whistling' kinda day" "This is Tom Harmon announcing the final round of the Santa Barbara Open." "Bell is now making his approach to the green." "He shoots." "It's a beautiful, high pitch shot, rolling." "It stops four feet on the other side of the pin." "One putt and he's in, and there goes the old ball game." "Oh, don't you believe it, Joe." "It just takes a little courage plus a cool head." " Now lay one up there." " You can do it, champ." "Hey, Anthony, it's your shot." "Wait a minute, Joe." "Come on, Anthony, you're holding up the game." " Now see here, boy." "That's not allowed." " Oh, I beg your pardon, sir." ""In the event a limb is endangering the contestant's eyesight,"" ""said limb may be remove." Removed." "Ruled by Jock MacRae," "August 23rd, 1886, at Inverness, Scotland." " Is there such a rule?" " Well, certainly there is." "Now if you'll excuse us, please?" "Please." " Harvey, is there such a rule?" " I don't know." "Go ahead, Joe." "Joe Anthony's next shot and it's a very difficult shot." "He lines up the shot." "He shoots." "It's a beautiful high approach." "It's rolling, it's rolling, it's rolling." "It breaks." "It's in the cup!" "Attaboy, Joe!" "As the winner of our tournament, you are invited to compete in the $10,000 invitational to be held at Monterey week after next." " Good luck." " Thank you, sir." "Good luck, Joe." " Thank you." " Good luck." "Thanks." "Until then you'll be my houseguest at Carmel." " No or yes?" " Yes." "And last, but certainly not least," " the Club's check for $500." " Thank you." "Bravo!" "$500." "Paid in full." "For the last 10 years, it has been the custom for the winner to turn over the check to our charity fund." "I know Mr. Anthony would insist on following this noble tradition." " Certainly." " Thank you from all of us." "And, boy, when you sank it that was really something, Joe." "My dad couldn't have done better." "Oh, it was nothing." "It was really nothing." "But how is charity gonna get Pop off the hook for the $500 he owes on the new boat?" "And furthermore, how we gonna eat?" "But, Joe, money's not the important thing." "It's the fact that now you're on your way." "I sure am." "And now we're invited to play in the tournament, and that's $10,000 we can keep." " Joe Anthony?" " Yeah." "Sign this, please." "See, already, autograph hunters." "What is this?" "Compliments of the Santa Barbara Businessmen's Association." "Look." " Hey, Joe, look at these golf balls." " You look at them." "Look at this complete outfit." " Give those boys a handsome tip." " Here you are." "No, keep it." " And thanks very much for your trouble." " Thanks for the gift." "Wise guy." "Anthony, you old hound dog, you." "See, Joe, what golf can do for you?" "And back in San Francisco we can live at home, and practice with all these golf balls." "We're gonna have to catch up on our short game." "Remember, you can't count on luck all the time." " What do you mean "luck?"" " Oh, I'm sorry." "Luck?" ""Travelwell Deluxe." I certainly intend to." " Harv." " Oh, yeah." "And by the way, I'm not going to San Francisco." "You're not going home?" "I'll practice every day." "The country club is right nearby." " Nearby what?" " Kathy Taylor's home in Carmel." "Joe, we can't take a vacation now." "Our whole future's at stake." " I just won a tournament, didn't I?" " Yeah, but not against Hogan or Snead, and that's who you're gonna have to play at Monterey." "Look, Harvey, I've never met a Kathy Taylor before, and I like her." "I'm human." "Okay." "We'll go to her place." "But remember, Joe, you have to practice every day." "Harvey, one of us has to go home and tell the folks how we're doing." "Well, gee, Joe, San Francisco's out of the way if we are going to Carmel." "We ought to..." "I guess you're right." "One of us will have to go home and let the folks know how we're doing." "I'll meet you in Monterey the morning of the qualifying round." "Okay, you take the clubs and I'll give the folks your love." "You take the rest." " Oh, that's Kathy." " Sounds like she has a cold." " Well, I'll see you in a week." " Okay." "That's yours." "Thanks." "Okay, now you send the rest of my things home, huh?" " Okay." " Bye." " Goodbye." " Hi, Kathy." " Let's go, champ." " Be right with you." "Well, let's go." "How do you like that?" "I almost ran off without giving any money to my caddy." "I knew you'd change your mind." "We're still buddies." "Sure, we're buddies." "How much money we got?" "Oh." "We have $10, $20, $30, $35," " $36.50." " We're rolling in dough." " Where'd you get all this?" " Oh, I had you in the caddies' pool." "But I spent $3.69 on the party for you." "Look, Harvey." "I can't go up there broke." "I'll hang onto the $30, and you keep the rest for food and bus fare." "Don't mention it." "You're entitled to it." "Enjoy yourself." " Joe..." " Don't thank me." "Have a good time." " Bye." " Bye." "Kathy, is this Carmel or Indianapolis?" "What would your mother say if she saw you driving like that?" " I don't know." "Why don't you ask her?" " Hello, dear." "Hello, Mother." "Say hello to Joe Anthony." " Hello, Joe Anthony." " Hello, Mother." "Oh, don't you dare." "My name is Grace, and I lie about my age." " Hello, Grace." " Hello." "Joe just won the tournament." "Well, good for Joe." "Wonderful." "Come along." "Can't you piggies be quiet?" "This is the Taylor estate." "Oh, just a second." "I'll get my things." "Thank you, Mr. Farmer." "Joey!" "Joey?" "Joey?" "Joey!" "Joey!" "I'm not a robber, I'm looking for Joey!" "Hello." "Hello, doggies." "I'm poor and skinny." "Leave me alone." "I wouldn't taste good anyhow." "What are you complaining about?" "You belong here." "You're an animal." "I'm a human." "And I'm hungry." "Well, don't be selfish." "I don't want any of your hay." "You can have that." "Can't I just please have a carrot?" "Thank you." "You're very kind." "Won't you have a little scrambled egg?" "You have absolutely nothing on your plate." "Well, I could hardly..." "Yes, Lisa?" "8:30!" "Oh, thanks, Rodney, for waking me up." "I gotta get these clubs to Joe right away." "Good morning." "Thanks again, Rodney." "I'll see you soon." "Watch my things, huh?" "Thanks." "Oh, how am I going to get out of here?" "Hello, how do you do?" "I'm looking for Mr. Anthony." "He forgot his clubs, so I brought them to him so he could practice." "Mr. Anthony is out cycling with Miss Taylor." "I'll take them." "No, I wanted to see..." "I..." "Nice doggies." "Hello, doggies." "I'm not the same fella." "If you don't believe me, take a..." "Take a sniff." "See, the guy you want is still inside." "Hey!" "What are you doing out here?" "You're not supposed to be with a guest." "Come on with me." "I can hardly lift it now." "Well, forget all about your diets, everybody." "Food." "Food." " Good morning, Mr..." " Good morning, sir." "Splendid morning." "Splendid." "Wonderful morning, and it's the best time to get up," " is in the morning, isn't it?" " Breakfast, sir?" "Sure!" "I mean, yes, I suppose I might have a bite." " Yes." "What might I serve you, sir?" " Oh, the sausages are fine." "Wonderful." "And ham." "Ham in the morning is just wonderful." "Eggs with it." "Nothing like eggs with it in the morning." "And a muffin." "That is very nourishing." "Bacon." "Bacon's wonderful." "Oh, wonderful." "Fine." "How about just one more for the road?" "One more." "Oh, lamb chops are very nourishing in the morning." "I'll take that, and thank you." "Oh, buns." "Buns." "Little buns." "Little ones." "Yes, I love them." "Baby buns." "And we missed something." "You're cold." "You're getting warmer." "No, you're cold." "You were warm." "Hot!" "Kippers!" "I just adore kippers." " Potatoes, sir?" " Potatoes?" " Want me to ruin my waistline?" " Oh, sorry, sir." " It's all right." " Thank you." " Shall we start over?" " Oh, no." "No." "No, I'll have to get some warm plates." "Warm plates?" "I'll be here." "I'll be here, waiting." "Hearty appetite." " How do you do?" " Hello." "In all the excitement of arriving yesterday," " I don't believe we've met." " Thank you." "Although you do look familiar." "My name is Benthall, Sidney Benthall." "The name is Miller." "Harvey Miller, Jr." "May I present Miss Carlton, Miss Kennedy." " Miss Carlton, Miss Kennedy." " Mr. Miller." " How do you do..." " Oh, no, that's Mr. Leron." " Awfully pleased to know you." "Awfully." " But I have seen you somewhere before." " I have never been there before." " At the golf tournament dance." " At Santa Barbara." " Santa Barbara?" "You are right, it was Santa Barbara." " It could not have been Santa Barbara." " Well, who are you?" " Who am I?" " Where are you from?" "Where am I from?" "Gentlemen, from Miami to London, from London to Boston" "I'm known as the gay continental." "Continent, continent, continental" "And I got this way quite accidental" "All my people have riches" "And velveteen britches" "And white tie and tails and top hats on" "And top hats and top hats and top hats on" "And they breakfast in bed with their spats on" "Life's a bore" "Having cocktails and tea around four" "Whee, fiddle-dee-dee" "I keep drinking as long as they're free" "Now my old family tree" "Is so precious to me" "It is the sturdy old tree I was sprung from" "It is the sturdy old tree I was sprung from" "I was sprung, I was sprung I was sprung from" "'Tis the tree that my grandpa was hung from" "Though I can't pay my rental" "A gay continental am I" "Hi, ho, hum" "I'm a high-class society crumb" "C'est la vie" "Now in French that means nothing to me" "My old family estate" "Is so big and sedate" "If you happen my way, give a look in" "Give a look, give a look, give a look in" "On the Rue de la Flatbush in Brooklyn" "I'm a wee temperamental" "At times, detrimental" "My money's parental" "My attitude's mental" "My upper plate's dental" "A gay continental am I" " Harvey, what are you doing here?" " The breaststroke." " I never learned to crawl." " Come out of there." "Now I know who you are." " Why, you're..." " I'm his caddy." "Caddy?" "Sorry." "You're supposed to be in San Francisco." "Don't you know these people are all invited guests?" "Consider yourself invited, Harvey." "I'm glad you're here." " Oh, thank you." " We can use you." " Can't we, Mother?" " Why, of course." "Until the tournament starts you can earn some money." "Charles, with so many extra guests, we'll need another man." "Charles will take care of you." "Oh, you don't understand." "Joe and I..." "Well, I think that's very sweet of Mrs. Taylor." " But, Joe, we gotta practice." " You're very conscientious, Harvey," " but, don't overdo it." " Come along, boy." "Now, go along, boy." " He's really a very nice guy." " Of course, he is." " He's really a very nice guy." " Of course, he is." "Listen to this part of the letter from Harvey." "He say, "Joe won at Santa Barbara" ""and we play again soon at the $10,000 Monterey tournament."" " So who say he's gonna win?" " I say so." "I don't believe you." "I attach!" "Wait, Mr. Spezzato." " I'll get Harvey on the phone." " That's a good idea, Lisa." "Would you like something to eat, ma'am?" "Why not try one of these?" "They're very good." "I just had one." "You might as well take a handful, lady." "Supper ain't gonna be ready for at least a half-hour." "I don't know how you can fill up on these tiny sandwiches." " Would you like to have one?" " No, thank you." "No, thank you." "Phone call for Mr. Harvey Miller, Jr." "Oh, that's me." "Would you please pass these around?" "Thank you." "And watch the man with the beard." "He's already had seconds." "Push the celery." "We can't get rid of it." " You can't use that phone." " Hello?" "It works." "Hello, Lisa!" "How are you?" "You'll have to talk a little louder, sweetheart, we're having a party here." "Mr. Spezzato's here and he's worrying about his money." "He wants either his $500 or the restaurant." "Hello, Mr. Spezzato?" "Oh, Joe's a cinch." "It's in the bag." " Oh, yes, sir, he's in great shape." " Would you give me that phone?" "Lisa, this phone call is SWAK." "SWAK?" "S-W-A-K." "Sealed with a kiss." "Here, give me that." "Take this and get in there with it." "You're nasty." "Cheers." "Just 68-and-a-half more hours before a certain tournament." " I'll take this glass for you, sir." " What's that look like, a finger bowl?" "Oh, I'm sorry, sir." "I thought it was empty." "I'll get you a fresh finger bowl." " The heat's on." " Shut it off." "How about a sandwich, sir?" "Lt'll be much better for you than a drink." " Vitamins, you know." " I'd much rather have a drink." " We're all out of gin, sir." " That's impossible." "There's plenty." "Oh, what do you..." "Yes, we're..." " Is that boy one of our regular servants?" " He's my caddy, Mr. Taylor." " Kathy gave him a temporary job." " Caddy?" "Oh, you're the lad who won the tournament at Santa Barbara." "Grace told me all about you." "Here's luck." "Thank you." "Oh, I'm sorry." "Your glass is empty." "I'll send Charles." "You better leave the whole tray here, Charles." "Been off my game for quite a while now." "Shooting in the 90's." " Oh, will you have a cigarette?" " Thank you." "Here's a light." " I filled this glass, didn't I, Kathy?" " Yes, you did." " I put the tray down there, didn't I?" " Yes, you did." " Oh, I'll take that, Jane." " Very well." " Seafood, madam?" " Hey, Charlie." " You idiot!" " I'm freezing." "Keep cool!" "Oh, you clumsy, clumsy boy." "Oh, you kill me." "I love that..." "With the tray..." " Oh, not that face." " Harvey." " Harvey, get out of here." "You're drunk." " That's funny, Joe." "Every time you start to drink, you think everybody else is drunk." "If you'd have gone to San Francisco like I told you to," " this wouldn't have happened to me." " I'll apologize to everybody." " I know I embarrassed you." " You certainly did." "Well, tell them all I'm not a servant." "I'm your friend, Joe." "I'm your pal." "I'm gonna be your brother-in-law." "I'm your friend, Joe." "I'm your pal." "I'm gonna be your brother-in-law." " Brother-in-law?" " Naturally." "That's why I wanna protect him." "That's why I want him to win the tournament, naturally." " For Lisa's sake." " Lisa?" "Naturally." "Oh, boy, Joe." "Lisa called on the telephone, and she sent you her love." " I spoke out of turn?" " Just in time." "Charles..." "Charles, announce dinner at once, please." "Dinner is served." "I hope they have frankfurters." "I'm gonna take care of..." " Dinner is served." "Hurry up, everybody!" " Oh, no." "Oh, no." "Come on, it's gonna get cold." "Hurry up." "Last one in's a rotten egg." " I can't have this." " Come on." "Everything's gonna get cold" " and you won't have nothing to eat." " What am I going to do?" " Everybody hurry!" " There goes my job." " Hello, Charlie." " Will you get out of here?" "Now, come on, get out of here." "Really." "Look, honey." "I told him not to come up here." "Harvey's got things all mixed up." "He's going to be your brother-in-law, isn't he?" "Well, sure." "And Lisa is going to be the blushing bride?" "Yes, but you don't..." "He doesn't have things mixed up as far as I'm concerned." "Your faith in me is very touching." "Thanks." "Come in, Joe." "Harvey?" "Oh, Miss Taylor, hello." " Oh, you shouldn't have done it." " Take this." "Thank you." "And then this." " Thank you." " What's all this?" "Oh, I've caused you enough trouble, Miss Taylor." "Well, it's not your fault, Harvey." "I hope that Joe and Lisa will be very happy together." "Oh, they will be." "She likes him." "It's always, "My big brother this," and "My big brother that."" "Well, I've never thought of him as the big brother type." "Well, you would if you were his sister, like Lisa." " Her sister?" "Joe's her sister?" " No, Joe's her brother." " You're all confused, Miss Taylor." " My dear brother-in-law." "Charles?" "Where's Mr. Anthony?" "Oh, are you sure?" "Thank you." " Joe's gone." " Joe's gone?" " Yes." " He can't be." "What about the tournament?" "What are we gonna do?" "I'll help you find him, Harvey." "But then it's every man for himself." "Thanks." "You heading for San Francisco?" " Your name Joe Anthony?" " Yeah, what's wrong?" "Let's take a look at that bag." "Hey, what are you doing?" "That's mine." ""Inverness Open Tournaments." "Winner:" "Harvey Miller, Sr."" " I thought your name was Anthony." " It is." "That cup was given to me." "This is my bag and these are my clothes." " This isn't my cap." " We can see that." "Come on, get in." "Oh, do come in, please." "Well, here he is, miss." "We found him." "He had Mr. Miller's suitcase, all right." "Yes." "Kathy, will you tell them the truth?" "I think you gentlemen had better speak to Cousin Harvey." "Cousin Harvey?" "Yes, Kathy, darling." "Coming, my dear." "Oh, visitors." "Very nice." "Scotland Yard." "I see you've collared the crazy kid." "Splendid." "Splendid." "Good heavens." "It's Joe, the gardener." "Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Miller, but he tried to tell us it was his bag." "Ridiculous, ridiculous." "Watch him." "Watch him." "He's not a bad boy, Officer." "He's just mischievous." "I don't think Cousin Harvey wants to prosecute, do you, Cousin Harvey?" "As long as he doesn't give me any trouble." " I'll give you plenty." " You got your gun?" "Keep your eye on him." "You'd better behave yourself, young man, or these nice police officers will throw you in the pokey." "You can run along, gentlemen." "Leave him here and I'll give him a stern talking to." " Well, I don't know..." " It's all right, and send me a dozen tickets to the Policemen's Ball." " Thank you, Mr. Miller." " That's all right." "Bully, bully." "Splendid." "Help!" " What is it?" " What's wrong?" "Good evening." " Make that two dozen tickets." " Thank you, sir." " That's all right." "Goodnight." " Goodnight." " Joe, if you could only see your face." " Very funny." " Now that you've had your fun, can I go?" " Wait, Joe." "Everything's straight." "Kathy knows it's me Lisa was gonna marry and not you." " Everybody's happy." "I'll get your clubs." " I'm very sorry." " It was just a misunderstanding." " Oh, sure." "You'll need these." "What good are they gonna do me on a fishing boat?" " Oh, but I didn't tell you the bad news." " No, you didn't." "About Mr. Spezzato." "He's gonna take Mama's restaurant and Papa's boat away, if they don't pay him the $500." "We gotta win the $10,000." "I'll get it." "Wait, Joe." "We're a team." "We were a team." "And you stay away from me." "Joe." "I thought it took at least two to make a team." "That's what I thought." "Do you break up a team by just walking out?" "I'm very sorry, Harvey." "Well, if it isn't the little hitchhiker." "So you're stealing golf bags now." " Oh, no, not again." " All right, Sticky Fingers." "Ladies and gentlemen," "I welcome you to the Monterey Invitational Tournament." "I don't see him anywhere, Harvey." "Leading off from the first foursome, the winner of the first Los Angeles Open Tournament," ""Light Horse" Harry Cooper." "Urgent message for Miss Kathy Taylor." "Miss Kathy Taylor, report to the clubhouse telephone." " Miss Taylor?" " Yes, I am." " Telephone." " Hello." "Yes, I'm Kathy Taylor." "You're Kathy Taylor, I'm Joe Anthony and I'm in jail." " Joe!" " Joe?" " He's in jail." " Jail!" "Joe, Joe!" "Oh!" "Quiet, please!" "Now, listen, if this is another one of your gags, it isn't funny." "Tell it to them." "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, ma'am." " Oh, I see." "Well, I'm sorry." " He's sorry." "Well, hurry." " They can get him here in 15 minutes." " He tees off in the next foursome." "He can't possibly make it." "He'll be disqualified." " Disqualified?" " On the tee," " Disqualified?" " On the tee," "Slammin' Sammy Snead!" "On the tee..." "If we could only do something to delay them." "Jimmy Thomson." "What if I fainted or had a spell right on the tee?" "Oh, no, that's no good." "You don't know professional golfers." "They're like killers." "They'd play right over your body." "That gives me an idea." "Hey, mister." "Excuse me, sir." " Mr. Thomson, is this your ball?" " Yeah." " It's undersized." "Against regulations." " It couldn't be." "I just bought it inside." "Oh." " Do you have a knife?" " No." "No." "How about you?" "Do you have a knife?" " Yeah." " May I borrow it?" "Could you open it, please." "Just open it." "I'd like to examine it." "Thank you very much." "It's getting late, isn't it?" ".3962." "Perfect." "Here you are, Mr. Thomson." "Hit away." " Is he with you?" " I thought he was with you." "Who are you with?" " Oh, I'm with you." " Get off the tee!" "Ball, please." " No funny stuff while I drive, please." " Certainly not, Ben, certainly not." "On the tee, Bantam Ben Hogan." " Here he is, Miss Taylor." " Thank you." " Oh, Joe, I'm so glad you're fine." " It all right if I take my clubs now?" " Sure." " On the tee," "Joe Anthony from San Francisco." " I'm Joe Anthony." " You're just in time." " You're on the tee right now." " Can I have a caddy?" "Well, I'm sure there's been one assigned to you." " Hello." " Look, I don't want..." "He doesn't want to delay the game any longer, so we'll tee off in just a minute." "Would you excuse us, please?" "We have work to do." "Would you, please?" " Thank you very much." " Look, Harvey, will you..." "Yes, I've been examining the course, sir." "Yes, sir, and this is a very narrow hole and I suggest we start with the three-wood." " Give me the driver." " All right, here you are." "I'm sorry, it was your wash from the motel." " I had nowhere to put it." " Give me a ball, Harvey." " No ball." " Why don't you try your pocket?" "Here you are." "Sorry, Joe." "Be quiet." "This is not funny." " That's an eight-iron, Joe." " I don't want the eight-iron." " You better listen to him, Joe." " Will you give me the six-iron?" " Harvey, this is the eight-iron." " That's the club you should use!" "Give me the six-iron!" "Joe, that's the wrong club, Joe." " That is not the right..." " One more disturbance, Mr. Anthony, and I'll be forced to disqualify you." "I'm sorry, sir." "It was all my fault." "I won't make any more noise." "Well, see that you don't." "It's Fisherman's Wharf!" "They brought everything but the dock." "$10,000." "Look, Mama, there's Harvey and Joe." "Wave to them." "Joe, we've come all the way from San Francisco to see you win." "Pop, why did you drive on the golf course?" "I see big sign on the house." "It says, "Driving Range." So I drive in." "Anthony, I warned you." "You're disqualified!" "Oh, no, wait, please." "Joe's gotta play, or we'll lose the Mama Mia, and Mama Anthony's restaurant." "You can't disqualify Joe." "You cannot throw my Joe out of the game." "They're not gonna play without Joe." "Come on." "We'll move the trucks out ourselves." "You no move nothing!" "We wanna see our Joe play!" " Harry, call the police." " All right, call the police, big shot." " Now, you get off the course." " Hey, don't you push me." "You're not gonna let them disqualify Joe, are you, Mr. Hogan?" "Well, I'm sorry, that's up to the officials." "Oh." "Well, if Joe's not gonna play, nobody's gonna play." "Come on, Mama." "Look, we've had just about enough..." " Don't you hit Harvey!" " Lady, please." " Mama, let's go in the car." " But, where's Papa?" "Papa!" "Papa!" "This ain't funny." "You're crazy to waste your time playing golf." "We've had just about enough..." "You know, you guys could have a great future in show business." " Show business?" " Come on!" "Here, take my card, look me up." "All right, come on." "Let's get out of here." "Joe." "Joe, I did it!" "Joe, I ain't scared of people." "I did it, Joe." "Officers, it was those two." " Come on!" " I ain't scared." "They did this!" "Hang on, Joe." "Hang on!" "They kill me." "Oh, I like the way I'm feeling with the one that I adore" "Yes, I like this funny feeling that I've never felt before" "But if you should say you like it then I'd like it even more" "There's so many, many little likes I'm always dreaming of" "And it takes a lot of little likes to make one big love" "What would I do without you what would I do, boy" "What would I do without you what would I do" "I need a partner, you're the one" "I'll be right there when the show goes on" " I'm for you" " I'm for you" "From California to Kalamazoo" "What would I do without you when you're gone" " When you're gone, when you're gone" " When you're gone, when you're gone" "Oh, what would I do without you what would I do" "Let's hurry, boys." "Ten minutes before the train comes." "Go up and change." " I've got my story." " Oh, that's swell." "Thank you." " Bye." " Goodbye, everyone." " Let's go, fellows, train time." " You can pick up your keys at the desk." "You got a tough act to follow." "Hurry, Joe, we haven't got much time." "We'll miss the train." " Lisa and Kathy'll meet us backstage." " What are your names?" " I'm Dean Martin." " And I'm Jerry Lewis." "Martin and Lewis." "Here, close the door." "I'm in my birthday suit." " What's the matter with him?" " I don't know." " You were wonderful." " I was?" " Well, how about me?" " So were you, Joe." "You were marvelous." " Joe?" " That's me." " Harvey?" " That's me." "How lucky can two guys get?" "Yeah, we got it real bad, ain't we, Dean?" "Yeah, Jer."