"The Critic" " S01E01" " Pilot" "Hello" "Jay, this is your mother Your father and I are taking you out of our will" "We feel you already have enough money Oh yes, and happy Birthday!" "It... stinks!" "What's wrong?" "I'm 36 years old, I'm lonely, my hair comes out of a spray can..." "You know, I ought to go out on camera without this stuff." "Let the world see me as I really am." "It's empty" "Oh!" "I'm bald and ugly!" "Get more!" "Hello." "I'm Jay Sherman, and this is Coming Attractions" "Tonight, I'll be reviewing Home Alone... 5" "We left Kevin home alone!" "And he's only 23!" "But first, let's start with Arnold Schwarzenegger's latest film, Rabbi P.I." "It's the story of a Chicago cop who goes undercover as a Hasidic Jew" "Eat lead, Rabbi!" "Sorry, that's not kosher" "All right, if you are a real rabbi, circumsise this child" "Haba nagila, baby" "Because I love you people, I won't force you to watch the musical" "Well... maybe just a little" "Oh dredel, dredel, dredel, I made you out of clay..." "Anyway, to get to the part of the show you like the best and I find humiliating on the Shermominter, this film rates an absolute zero" "And...cut!" "Ah, this new stuff feels great!" "Where'd you get it?"