"On the last Fresh Prince of Bel-Air:" "It's off to the shelter." "Oh, honey, I think it's wonderful that you're helping less fortunate on Thanksgiving." "Sylvia, you can tell Mr. Wilmore that I quit." "Is that what you want me to tell the news crew when they show up?" " You wouldn't." " Try me." " Two..." " Oh, come on, man!" " Aah-aah-aah!" "Oh!" " Look at this guy." "I can't believe this guy." "Mommy, Daddy's fallen and he can't get up!" "One special coming right up." "I can't believe I let you talk me into this." " This ain't no big deal." " Freeze!" "Maybe this is a big deal, Uncle Phil." "Well, well, well, what do we have here?" " It's an honor, Your Honor." " Ha-ha-ha." "That's very amusing, Hendricks." "Why don't you save us all a lot of trouble and just drop this nonsense?" "It's not up to me to drop it only the DA can make that call, but I thought you'd know that." "Look, the DA is not gonna file on this." " It's garbage." "Nothing happened." " Ah." "Well, we can't say nothing happened, Uncle Phil." "You know, there was a couple of butt-naked honeys scattered around that place." "When the press gets ahold of this, they're gonna have a field day." "Lock them up." "Oh, all right, I guess you just gonna do us like this, huh, bro?" "Just like that?" "I guess you wasn't at the Million Man March, huh?" "Wait a minute." "Wait, wait a minute." "Wait a minute." "This cell ain't full yet." "Hold up, hold up." "My back." "My back." "All right." "Mm." "Mm, mm." "Another year, another hairdo." "Who you trying to catch, Hattie?" "I guess you and Will gonna be hitting one of them all-night Thanksgiving jams, huh?" "Oh, girl, that boy couldn't keep up with me if I gave him a head start." "I've got one more outside." "I'll go get it." "He's a hunk." "Yeah." "Did you see the way he was looking at me?" "Girl, that man wasn't looking at you, he was looking at me." "Tsk." "Looking at me like it was lunchtime and my legs was Colonel Sanders' extra crispy." "Wasn't he, Geoffrey?" "If you mean something fast and cheap, yes." "I'm Skippy." "Skippy." "What's up?" "Uncle Phil, they cannot make these charges stick, man." "You said that yourself." "Will you be my friend?" "Um..." "No." " Wait, Uncle Phil, where you going?" " I'm gonna call my lawyer." "Wait, wait, wait." "Uncle Phil, you might know your way around the mean streets of Bel-Air but I think you better let me handle this brother on the phone, all right?" "Hold up." "Yo, bro, phone check." "Hey, look, we got an important call to make." "What's the big deal anyway?" "It wouldn't be the first time you broke somebody's legs." "All right." "I love you too, Mama." "You want the phone?" "Uh..." "Y-yes, please." "It's yours." "It's for you." "Those don't go there." " Yes, they do." "You said before..." " No, I told you those go in the back." "I should expect that from someone who's probably never cleaned a dish in their life." "What's your problem?" "From the first second I got here, you've been on me like I've done something wrong." "Maybe I don't come to places like this and do this kind of work as often as I could." "And maybe sometimes I say things that sound insensitive and self-centered but that's who I am, damn it." "It doesn't make me a bad person." "Just because you volunteer more days a year than I do doesn't mean you're better than me." "I didn't volunteer at all." "Oh, so you're paid to be here." "Honey, I live here." "So the plates go in the back?" "That's it." "There's nothing left." "What do you mean?" " I'm sorry, folks." "We're out." "Aww." "This is terrible." "How did this happen?" "There's just so many more mouths than there is money to feed them." "You had some letter you wanted me to sign." "Oh, yeah." "I wanna thank you both very much for your time and your help." "Happy Thanksgiving." "I'm thinking that in a week when we look back on this, we are just gonna laugh." "Maybe two weeks." " I got it." "Edison Field, fall of 1967." " That was the Dartmouth game." "Tiny Williams." "Oh." "And you're Big Phil Banks." "How you doing?" "Wait a minute, so you guys are old college buddies." "Hey, it's a good thing, man I thought we was gonna have to Bruce Lee you up in here, you know?" "Skippy?" "Oh." "I haven't seen you since you had your accident in the big game." "That was no accident at all." "That was clipping." "That's not what the referee said." "What about that shot to the helmet during the last play?" "What was that?" "A shot to the helmet?" "Oh..." "So how you been?" "Man, my knee was never the same after that game." "Lost my scholarship, had to leave school, and then I got drafted." "Ended up with a head full of shrapnel." "Couldn't hold a job once I got back." "So to make a few bucks, I drove a friend's car a cross-country for him." "What he didn't tell me was there was 40 pounds of pot in the trunk." "I did 10 hard years, and finally got out." "But after that, my life started to go bad." "How about you, Banks?" "About the same." "Why aren't you talking?" "I'm not, not talking." "I'm just not talking." " Why aren't you talking?" " I am talking." "I'm the one who just asked a question." "You're the one not talking." "Having to participate in this inane conversation would keep anyone from talking." "Well, I think you're feeling guilty and that's why you're not talking." "What in the world would I have to feel guilty about?" "You profited from another's misfortune." "You're the one who went to the shelter to get the free publicity." "You're the one with a letter of recommendation in his pocket." "Face it, you're a taker." "I'm a taker?" "Miss "Daddy, can I have $300?"" "Right, Mr. "Hey, Big Guy can I have a copy of your will in case something happens to you?"" "That's called prudent planning." "Yeah, if your last name's Menendez." " You're doing it again." " What?" "Not talking." "Your guilt will consume you." "See, you're a nag." "That's exactly why you don't have a boyfriend." "And you're a taker." " Nag." " Taker." " Nag." " Taker." " Nag." " Taker." " Nag." " Watch the road!" "I wonder why Philip and Will are so late." "Well, maybe they pulled in, smelled your stuffing and turned back around." "Ha-ha-ha." "Now, that's a good one." "Ha-ha-ha." "Of course, yours ain't no better." "It's just like men." "They're probably at some sports bar puffing cigars, watching football on a big screen..." "Shut up, Ashley." "I really am worried about Philip and Will." "Trust me, my son would never miss Thanksgiving dinner." "It's the holiday." "Settle in, boys." "Nobody's going anywhere tonight." "There's a bug on mine." "You know, a few hours ago, my biggest problem was judging a stuffing contest." "Now look at me." "Stuck in a jail cell with some angry 400-pound man whose life you wrecked." "You clipped him, didn't you?" "I'm sorry, Uncle Phil." " It's the worst Thanksgiving I ever had." " Heh." "And thank you so much for sharing it with me." "Look at us." "All hungry." "I'm about to dig in to this cream-of-bug sandwich." "And our family sitting around the dining-room table big gorgeous roasted turkey four different kinds of stuffing." "Candied yams, and macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes." "And little tiny onions swimming in a sea of cream sauce." "Hendricks!" "Listen, Banks, if it's a sandwich you're after, they're all gone." "In the first place, it's not "Banks" it's "Your Honor."" "Now you get your butt over to that telephone and you pull the district attorney from whatever meal he may be eating and you tell him that you have Judge Philip Banks in jail under a bogus charge." "And you might wanna mention the fact that we have been denied due process." "A phone call, access to legal representation and every other conceivable right guaranteed to us by the constitution." "Don't forget to mention that no statements have been taken no witnesses interviewed, and none of the most fundamental procedures that the newest rookie on a beat would know, have been followed." "My nephew and I are completely innocent, and if you don't take care of this it will be you having your picture taken with numbers across your chest." "And we want $10,000 in unmarked bills and a helicopter on the roof gassed up and ready to take us to Tijuana." "Oh, sorry." "I just kind of got caught up in the moment." "Okay, get your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches." "Grape jelly?" "You can't make these with no damn grape jelly." " Hi, everybody." "We're back." "Aww..." "Surprise!" "Hey, hey, hey." " So, what do you think?" " A caterer for Thanksgiving dinner." "I think it's just as snooty and stuck-up as you can get." "But I think it's great." " Everybody's having a good time." " Oh!" "Yeah." "That is, until it's time for me to do the dishes." "Sylvia, let me take care of the dishes." "My butler, Geoffrey, can be here in 15 minutes." "Ha-ha." "How about if we do them together?" "Then what'll Geoffrey do?" "Hey, look." "It's a little turkey from the little turkey." "Heh-heh." "A turkey?" "Hardly." "In point of fact, it's a Cornish game hen." "A flightless bird hale from the Isle of Wight." "Braised in cognac with a hint of fennel." "A fitting end for a noble fowl." "You're kind of weird." "So you want one or not?" "No, I probably shouldn't have one, Mr. Wilmore said..." "You know what?" "This one's on me." "Cool." "So you gonna be here over Christmas?" "Yeah." "Sorry, we're late." "This is going to make a great holiday piece, Hilary." "The public eats up this kind of stuff." "Oh." " Oh." "I'm sorry, I don't think so." " What?" "I exploit people every day of the week on my show." "It's Thanksgiving, I'm gonna take the day off." "Well, I hope the fire's still burning." " That was really something." " I know." "I wasn't the least bit opportunistic." "For the first time in my life, I thought about others instead of myself." "Ooh." "I'm tingling all over." " I'm really proud of you, Hil." " Oh, thank you." "So are you gonna tear up that letter of recommendation?" "Oh, Carlton, I'm so proud of you too." "Judge Banks." "Shh." "I'm really sorry, Your Honor." "Yeah." "Just tell your boy he'd better be at the next march." "Your limo is here and it's ready to take you and your nephew home." "There's no charges, there's no publicity, and there's no reporters." "No hard feelings?" "No chance." "Hey, Banks?" "You done all right for yourself, man." " Take care of yourself, Tiny." " I'll see you on the outside, brother." " Happy Thanksgiving." " Same to you." "Let's get the hell out of here." "Oh, hey, what are we gonna tell Aunt Viv?" "Will, Will, here's another very important lesson." "When you have a chronic back problem and you go for a therapeutic massage and wind up in a house of ill-repute, which is subsequently raided and you are arrested by mistake never tell your wife." "Hmm?" "Poof." "Oh, you are definitely the master." "Let's go get some of them tiny onions." "I tell you, I really feel like I connected with those people down at the shelter today." "When I reached out to them, they reached back." "Of course, I stepped out of the way so they couldn't actually touch me but I really connected." "So, what'd you guys do?" "Uh..." " Nothing." " Yeah, nada, nadie, nil, nilch, nothing..." "Ah!" "Look at the bird!" "You've outdone yourself, Geoffrey." " It looks good." " Yeah, right here." "Big bird." "Big bird." " That is beautiful." " It smells delicious." "Okay, everyone, let's join hands for the prayer." "Dear Lord, thank you for our many blessings." "Thank you for our health." "Thank you for this food." "But most of all, thank you for keeping us safe and delivering us from..." "Tiny." "Tiny, as well as larger temptations." "And thank you for bringing this family together in love and peace." " Amen." "Amen." "A- woman." "Oh..." " Let us get to grubbing." " Oh, yes." " Oh, man." " That was all so good." " That was the best Thanksgiving ever." " Absolutely." "So, what about the stuffing?" "Oh, it was delicious." "Everything was delicious." "Everything was exactly as delicious as everything else." "So, honey, which one did you like best?" "Like you're a young boy, right?" "You're not gonna tell me which one you liked better?" " Nope." " Nope." "What about you guys?" "Nope." "Then why did we bust our butts cooking all day if you're not gonna give us an answer?" " Really." "Because that's all part of the fun of Thanksgiving." "I guess it was kind of fun when Vy dropped that bag of powdered sugar all over Helen." "Yeah, that was not funny to me." "And I'll never forget the look on Vivian's face when she got her apron caught in the food processor." "Yeah, talk about being led around by your apron strings." "It was even fun giving you guys a hard time all day." "It doesn't matter whose stuffing was best it was just fun being in that kitchen together." "Oh." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "Listen, I love y'all too but the bottom line is my stuffing was the best." "Any fool can see that." "You tasted it." "You tasted it with your own mouth." "Slaving in that..." "No, I was slaving in that kitchen all day." "I know who I am." "I don't care if y'all leave the table." "Happy Thanksgiving to you too." "Every man I cook for likes what I cook." "That's right." "I'm all right." "I'm getting out of here." "Hah." "I'm going somewhere for Christmas." "Hah."