"He's drawn his benefits." "So he's alive." "And..." "And he's not here." "Where's your dignity, woman?" "I'm celebrating my freedom." "We're left, living like paupers in this shit hole, looking after their kids." "It's madness!" "Fra-a-a-ank!" "Anyone watching, thinking we know fuck-all about knowing fuck-all about owt, needs to watch their back." "So you've had your Labour, reclassifying skunk, sending prices sky-high." "Literally - literally - taking the grass from its own roots!" "Now you've got your condemnation..." "Liberals noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up." "Have we had a national fucking stroke?" "Or what?" "Is "revolution" a word?" "Or was it never?" "Anybody watching needs to know we cope better than average with irony in Chatsworth." "Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester and they charge us for water!" "I wandered lonely as a clown, necking mushrooms rarely found." "This green and pleasant land in ancient times." "Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak!" "It's not theirs any more." "This is our England now." "Pa-a-a-arty!" "BABY CRIES" "You sure about this?" "If I meet it head-on, then it's done." "In years gone by, they'd have tied me to a chair and drowned me in the village pond." "They'd have shaved my head, branded me, set fire to me, stuck me inside a fucking wicker man to purify my soul." "Woe betide any woman who strays, who dreams of something other... ..dares to make a mistake." "Fucking slag!" "Slag." "She's a slag." "I've made mistakes, maybe more than most." "Aren't they mine, though?" "My mistakes." "My guilt." "Karen!" "Or do a woman's mistakes belong to everyone?" "Slag!" "On your toes." "They'll be here in a minute." "You haven't seen my manicure set, have you?" "I can't find the fucking thing anywhere." "What does it look like?" "It's a 24-piece." "Nail-clippers - fingers and toes, assorted files, scissors, cuticle-pushes, razor-sharp tweezers, two sets..." "AGH!" "leather pouch." "(Fuck!" ")" "No, love, I can't picture it." "Should we get a new one?" "It's antique." "You'll never track one down." "Besides, it's the last thing me mum gave me, before..." "You know." "Sentimental value." "How are you?" "How's the kids?" "How's yourself?" "I haven't seen you for ages." "Like it wasn't bad enough, you've taken to dressing like a whore." "Where's your dignity, woman?" "I'm celebrating my freedom." "I'm not dead yet!" "Not from you." "From a life of heartache and disappointment at the hands of an alcohol-sodden..." "..cuckold." "..cuckold." "Oh." "Frank Gallagher." "I'll certainly drink to his demise." "Finished with that?" "Hang on." "Excuse me." "You all right?" "Are you ready for this?" "Take him, Mum." "This applies to everyone, family an' all." "You've got 30 seconds to say your piece, free-for-all." "After that, if I hear one bad word against my wife," "I swear to God I'll nail your fucking knee-caps above the door." "Go." "Whore." "Slag." "Cunt." "I fucking hate you for what you did to him... ..but if he can forgive you, then so should we." "I always knew you was a..." "Good." "That's done, then." "♪ Follow you until you love me" "♪ Papa-paparazzi... ♪ Duh-duh-duh-duh... ♪" "Mate, can I ask you something?" "Right, is it definitely illegal to have a wank in a public place?" "I don't see it, mate." "Must be cos she's family." "Be like banging one off to my gran." "That's sick." "And you having a wank in the middle of the shop's totally reasonable?" "(LAUGHS)" "Sorry, Lillian." "Forgot you were there!" "Understandable." "Sprightly thing, in't she?" "What's she so happy about, anyway?" "University posts her medical exam results online at dinner time." "Not dinner time, lunch time." "Oh, right now, in fact!" "Funny word, "wank," don't you think?" "It's an old Air Force term." "They used to call the beds "wank pits."" "It's not usually the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the Battle of Britain." "Biggles, having a wank." "(SCREAMS)" "What's wrong?" "Try and breathe, Sita." "Try and breathe, come on." ""Desai, Sita...." "First year medical..." ""Fail, fail, fail."" "(LAUGHS) She failed!" "(HYPERVENTILATES)" "'Looks like he's going through REM." "'Keep him permanently sedated." "'He's a violent schizophrenic 'with multiple personalities." "'And not one of them has a good haircut." "'HA-HA-HA!" "'" "Fuck-all wrong with me haircut - it's a classic." "MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYS" "REGULAR HEARTBEAT" "Hello?" "Shop?" "Self-service, is it?" "Nope." "This isn't real." "To the rest of the world, no - but to you, it's very real." "I'm your subconscious." "The pleasure's all...illusory." "Well, I'm quite pleased to know me sub-conscious has got style." "I fucking bet you are." "I'm a better quality of hallucination than you've endured of late." "Doctor Who?" "Alien?" "Close Encounters Of The '70s Kind?" "It's like a journey through a masturbating bachelor's DVD collection." "You must be fucking delighted to see me." "You've clambered to the surface of my mind to ridicule me about my taste in science fiction films?" "Don't... mention science fiction... ever." "It's unbecoming in a man of your age." "Oh, am...?" "Am...?" "Am I not what you expected?" "Did you think that your subconscious might harbour your better self?" "A caring father, attentive husband, considerate neighbour?" "The real Frank - a good man, trapped deep by the iniquities of society." "Well... maybe." "Wake up and smell the stale odour of your own shite, Frank." "I'm it!" "I am the picture in Dorian Gray's fucking attic." "I am the nasty, sick, fucking vile stuff, which makes you... ..you. (LAUGHS)" "The good bit!" "(LAUGHS)" "You are the better self!" "(LAUGHS)" "Right." "You better get the system checked, then, because I need to make this order." "That is the password." "I should know - it's my name on the account." "I am the licensee." "I've got it." "Let me." "What?" "Give the phone, love." "Hello?" "The password is "Donegal1607."" "Close of business?" "Great, thanks." "We changed the name on the account." "When you left with Joe." "I understand." "Made sense." "That's not all." "You were ill." "I had to protect myself." "You're not the licensee, Karen - I am." "Hello?" "Who's there?" "Shit." "DOOR SLAMS" "Come on, then!" "Frank?" "Oh!" "Yeah!" "You like that?" "You want some more, do you?" "Bloody hell." "It's a minor cut." "Get off." "Jackson, you've got blood all over your face." "Stand still!" "Sorry, I had to call." "It's fine, we were just in the pub." "What kind of animal are you?" "He's 13 years old!" "Er, he attacked me!" "Did he steal your lunch money as well?" "Give you a wedgie?" "I shouted warnings, three times!" ""Please, sir, I've come to stay with my auntie." "Don't hurt me." "Don't hurt me." "You poor thing!" "We appreciate your vigilance, even if it was a little... enthusiastic." "I'm sure there's no need to press charges." "Charges!" "Come on, Jackson." "Auntie, should we seek compensation?" "Listen, you little..." "Jackson!" "Come on!" "Listen to me, you little shite-hawk, if you think I bought one ounce of the manure you just tried to peddle, you've got another thing coming." "Now empty your pockets to pay for the window you broke." "I've heard all about you, you old witch." "And every bit of it true." "I thought he'd fooled you." "We're Catholics, Elizabeth." "Present a united front to the outside world, batter the living shite out of each other behind closed doors." "It's the way things have always been." "I would've told you." "I put The Jockey in my name to protect it." "To protect us." "I understand." "Some things happened because I was ill." "Some things just happened." "I know I've got to earn your trust, Jamie, before it's permanent." "I just need some time." "Then you've got it." "Two more weeks." "I miss who we used to be." "Where the fuck are those people?" "Come." "Sita." "Please, sit." "I thought I might see you today." "I know how much this means to you." "I..." "I thought I'd done well." "You did." "You did very well." "But it's hard, and not everyone's cut out for it." "I am!" "Maybe nursing." "I want to be a doctor." "I'd be a good doctor." "I gave everything." "Perhaps not everything." "I'd like for you and I to have sex, Sita." "A lot of sex." "Mostly conventional, but sometimes... themed." "Then I might be tempted to give you a second chance." "I'm sorry about your window." "I wasn't sure it was the right house." "Shut up with your bollocks, son." "I don't buttonn up the back." "What did they tell you when they sent you to me?" "My mam's up in court." "Shoplifting." "A misunderstanding." "Plead guilty, 80 hours community service, max." "Fresh start." "Behave yourself while you're under my roof, we'll get along fine." "What are you?" "Id?" "Ego?" "Super... ..grass?" "Freud, really?" "Pussy-whipped Viennese sissy with a mother fixation?" "One-size-fits-all theory applies to the entire piss-soaked wonders of the Chatsworth human zoo, does it?" "You've got a mouth like a sewer." "I'm your subconscious." "Ooh, what did you expect?" "The charm of Cary Grant, the charisma of Paul Newman, crossed with the cock of Errol Flynn?" "No." "But maybe a touch more pleasant than you." "Crossed with the cock of Errol Flynn." "Embrace who you are." "I can't." "I'm still looking for answers." "Don't waste your time, Tripitaka." "You have no better self, no moral compass lurking deep inside, no paternal goodness, no honesty, no kindness, no deep desire to love and cherish and commit to Libby Croker." "You are, in fact, merely the sum of all your behaviour, and nothing more." "This is as good as it gets for you, Frank." "Cheers." "♪ Hush little baby Don't say a word" "♪ Papa's gonna buy you a talking bird... ♪" "A word." "Yeah, you know that little, er, little tool kit that I lent you?" "Tweezers, pliers, little nail files." "All really little stuff, good for getting into small places." "D'you know, you'd suit a Brazilian, Barry." "I think I know the one, yeah." "Good." "I need it back." "Pronto." "And it's not a talking bird, you fucking muppet!" "It's a mockingbird." "Mockingbird?" "Those clothes are so inappropriate, you almost qualify as a fetish." "Laugh it up." "I've had a lifetime of it." "Feeling sorry for ourselves, are we?" "I am not sorry for myself, mother." "I am devastated for myself!" "Kids with curly hair to a man who could dance." "That was my dream." "Not much to ask for, was it?" "You seen my purse?" "I'm sure it was in my bag." "4643." "Croker, yeah." "C-R..." "Aidan!" "WOMAN ON COMPUTER MOANS" "What?" "It won't say "porn" on your bill." "Is she all right?" "Is she all right?" "Mm." "Mam." "Psst!" "Little grooming set I lent you?" "No?" "No?" "Nail file, scissors, tweezers." "I think I remember it." "I need it back." "All right, baby father." "I'll have a look." "It's a... grooming emergency." "I said I'll look." "What's a mockingbird?" "A girl who tells you the truth about your performance in bed." "Now fuck off." "Hiya, love." "Can I have a large vodka, please?" "Anything in it?" "No." "OK." "You don't drink." "So what did he say?" "I passed." "Flying colours, every subject." "You must be made up." "Said he won't for..." "Thanks." "Said he won't formalise the results till I..." "Till I fuck him." "The more things change, the more they stay the same, eh?" "You'd think the clever ones would be spared it." "Will one of you drink that for me, please?" "I'm meeting him tomorrow." "Wow!" "(WOLF-WHISTLES)" "Remember me?" "Right, who needs a beer?" "Usual please, Karen." "You OK, son?" "Yeah, just great." "I know it's not a great time, but the manicure set I borrowed you." "The what?" "Little scissors, nail files..." "BEEPING" "CLATTERING" "Not sure I've still got all the bits, Mam." "No matter." "Whatever is there, I need it, quick-style." "Yeah, sure." "Libby?" "Yes, love?" "Think Aidan's left something for you." "Ohh!" "Fuck off!" "I just want to have me pint in peace!" "Believe me, if I could go, I would." "You're my subconscious, right?" "So every thought I have ultimately begins with you?" "I won't deny it." "So, despite your rather gloomy outlook on my person and my character, how come I want nothing more than to get the fuck out of here, find Libby Croker and put a song in her heart and a smile on her sweet, kind, cunny-red mouth?" "You can't hide behind wordplay with me." "Alliteration's no replacement for substance." "I love her." "And I want to marry her." "No, you fucking don't." "Whose benefit is that for?" "There's only us here, and we both know that your only living, breathing concern is for yourself and your own gratification." "Fuck Libby Croker and anyone else who gets in the way." "Fuck 'em all." "Have an E." "No." "Oh, don't take the huff." "Don't try and prove me wrong." "You'll just embarrass us both." "Who d'you think you are?" "Maximus-fucking-Gladiator?" "Off to demonstrate your nobility?" "Now, there's a film." "And it's not science fiction." "I'll be seeing you again, Frank." "I'm not so easy to put back in me box." "Fuck 'em all!" "HIGH-HEELED FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING" "Who the fuck are you?" "I'm your feminine side." "We're not really in touch." "You tired?" "Absolutely shattered, as it goes." "Your mum's upstairs with Connor." "We used to be these people." "It's been a long day." "This is what I remember." "Stop it, please." "What's wrong?" "You're trying too hard." "You're too... desperate." "I'm sorry." "The poor little gypo thinks his mother's in court for shop-lifting." "Excuse my mother's casual racism." "So what's she really done?" "Sinead, his mother, my niece, is a fan of the intravenous drugs." "She's been on the game on and off for years to pay for it." "Is she a prossie?" "So where's Aidan now?" "Still in bed." "He is not!" "He left the house at the crack of arse." "He was taking a piss out the bedroom window." "Now I'm as liberal as the next man, but my daughter saw his...thing!" "DOOR SLAMS" "Sita." "She slept over." "I told her we'd pay her tutor a little visit, but she said it's her problem." "I want to shake his hand." "I want to shake his hand." "Shut the fuck up." "See you later." "Where are you going?" "Got a date." "She's not going to go through with it?" "Oi!" "In a hurry?" "Well..." "Good." "I want to talk." "When I was 15... ..I used to give hand-jobs to a lad with a face like lava flowing down the side of a volcano, because he'd left school, had a Volkswagen Golf, and could drive us to all the pubs in the town centre." "It was like a transaction." "I'm not proud." "So I'm supposed to just have sex with this creep?" "Good God, no!" "I never said that." "Sex is the commodity." "He's risking a lot to get into your pants." "He must really want it." "And you've got it." "By the bucket-load, if you don't mind me saying." "That puts you in a very powerful position." "Time to get smart." "What happened to the guy with the Volkswagen?" "I married him." "Ooh, fuck." "Y'all right?" "Yeah, just...surprised." "I wanted to ask, little nail file set I lent you..." "Scissors and shit, I need it back quickly." "Y'all right, girls?" "Yeah, no sweat." "I know where it is." "Soon as you can, yeah?" "There was a couple of bits missing though." "Don't worry about it." "Oh, Karen, no." "Don't leave." "I'm sorry about last night." "Will you shut up?" "I'm only going for the day." "I'll be back tonight, tomorrow at the latest." "I'm going in as an out-patient, get my blood levels checked, and my meds assessed." "Look, it's nothing to freak out about, there's no reason to panic." "Trial and error until we get the meds right." "That's going to be norm for me." "For a while, anyway." "Don't bother with my tea, I'll get chips." "Where d'you get the money for chips?" "I blame the demise of capital punishment." "You mean corporal." "Do I?" "It's sex, aggression." "It's stealing, lying, cursing." "He's a bad little bastard, all right." "Are you going to eat that cake?" "I'm waiting till my tea cools." "I mean, who leaves a jobby in the fridge?" "It's done to shock, to provoke a reaction." "I'd have rubbed his face in it." "He comes across as all little big man, but he's not an adult, he's a child." "Broken home, his mother walking the streets to support her addiction." "He's crying out for help." "He's crying out for a toe up the arse." "And if you're not careful, he'll run rings round you." "They can smell a soft-touch a mile off." "I am not a soft touch." "Ohh!" "Will you get the sole of my foot, will you?" "It's a terrible itch." "Ahh!" "Oh!" "MOBILE RINGS" "Hello." "Yes, speaking." "Actually, no, I wasn't aware Sinead had named me next of kin." "Where is she?" "Oh, Mother of God!" "No, thank you, we'll wait for your call." "They've sent Sinead to prison for 18 months." "That poor boy!" "Hmm." "I suppose he'll have to stay here with us." "Over my dead body!" "Frank?" "Hiya, Karen." "Frank?" "Oh, what the fuck?" "!" "Is this another dream?" "Cos I've just about had it with fucking dreams." "What you on about, you tit?" "Where've you been?" "Everybody's been frantic." "C'mon..." "Just..." "All right, it's all right." "Just tell me something that I couldn't possibly know, just to prove that you're real and not some drug-induced hallucination." "Fuck off!" "Please." "No!" "Please!" "Jamie's cum tastes of asparagus." "Pardon?" "Well, he eats it instead of snacks, like a health kick thing." "It's got vitamin A and vitamin C, so, his jizz..." "I really hope that you're real, cos if my subconscious invented that," "I'm more fucked than I thought." "Are you all right?" "Ohh, I..." "I don't know, kid." "Everybody's been worried." "Libby, she's..." "Have you been here this whole time?" "I'm not sure." "Why's he always sucking that stuff?" "Dunno." "By the way, that nail-clipper thing you wanted..." "I leant it to her." "Lillian?" "I was using a file to scrape off sell-by dates." "Asked if she could borrow it." "Personal grooming set?" "It's round ours." "Sweet." "I think I gave it to Brandi though." "And you gave it to Tricia." "And she lost it." "Can I have the flat keys?" "You're not shagging your tutor there!" "No, I'm not!" "He's coming here." "I need somewhere to get ready." "I can hardly meet him at uni!" "This isn't as much fun as I thought." "Is that all you've got to say?" "She's your cousin." "Bothers you so much, go do something about it." "Fine!" "I will." "Sita!" "Wait!" "Don't do it." "What?" "Being a doctor is just a job." "There's other jobs." "Not for me." "I've worked for this." "Told everyone it's what I'm going to be." "Who gives a fuck what they think?" "I failed." "I failed, all right?" "And he's offered me a way ahead." "What a scumbag." "Me or him?" "Let me help." "Thanks, Carl." "I just wasn't sure how he'd take it." "When you called I thought it was about me dad." "Why would I call about him?" "I've no interest in him." "Huh!" "You might have no interest, but he's still me dad." "He's still missing." "What?" "Come into the living room, sit." "No." "What?" "Is it my mum?" "Look, I know she's a tart..." "Watch your mouth!" "Well, she is." "So what?" "She's an addict." "She needs to get money." "What have they done to her?" "Mm..." "Your mam's in jail, kiddo." "How long?" "18 months." "I want me mum!" "Well, don't just stand there!" "BOTH SOB" "I think these are a very good idea." "At least for tonight." "How is he?" "I think the poor kid's always known that Sinead was on the game." "Still his mam, though." "We'll keep him here, then?" "Is that all right?" "Yeah, course it is." "He's had a lot to deal with." "I hate 'em all judging me." "Who?" "Who?" "Everybody." "Punters... family..." "Jamie." "I can feel their eyes on me." "Fuck 'em all!" "Is that your considered opinion, "Fuck 'em all"?" "No, not literally." "Mind you, there was a time, y'know, back in the day," "I wouldn't have put it past you, like..." "Anyway, who are they to cast a stone at you, eh?" "Let he who is without sin etc." "Why would you waste the energy giving a shit?" "It doesn't have to be unpleasant." "We could be friends." "This isn't how you make friends." "Friendships don't recover from beginnings like this." "Irony is..." "I had a crush on you." "It wouldn't have taken much." "Seems we both have something the other desires." "I want to fuck you." "Now." "Sorry?" "Here." "Now." "Now?" "Give me a minute, then follow." "(MOANS)" "Take your trousers down." "Pull yourself off." "I want you ready." "I'm so nearly there." "I will." "I wasn't expecting to work this hard." "This'll be better." "This'll be a better angle." "Ahh." "Oh, that's good." "(GROANS)" "(GROANS)" "Ow!" "That hurt!" "What...?" "Who are you?" "You're a fucking scumbag." "Wait." "All right." "I'll pass you." "Next time, I want to earn it." "Not like this, by studying." "Whatever you want." "Go on Sita, I'll catch you up." "Is it your girlfriend?" "Why would that matter?" "Ah!" "(GROANS)" "What they got you on, Largactil?" "None of your business." "Right." "What should I tell Libby?" "Nothing." "We'll sort it out when I see her." "It'll be fine." "Don't know about that, Frank." "She's a mess." "She thinks you've done a runner." "But I haven't." "I've just been... ..lost." "Still, the whole tramp thing." "I mean, I've had problems, but there's no video evidence." "It's just been a misunderst..." "What tramp thing?" "YouTube." "Out your box on your stag-night." "Some biddy riding you like there's no tomorrow." "I never shagged her." "It looks like you shagged her." "Ahh." "Couldn't get a stiffie?" "What?" "No." "No, smart arse." "Little Frank can still conduct the Berlin Philharmonic if required." "Ah, fuckin'..." "I need to get back home, Karen." "I need to see her." "You all right?" "Did you...?" "I don't really wanna talk about it." "Is it all right if I stay over, maybe watch a film?" "Of course." "Sita." "I'm sorry." "Right, so we've got An Education," "To Sir, With Love." "Are you sure?" "That's a..." "Yeah, I know what it is." "What is it?" "Throbbin' Hood, Prince of Meat." "I've got the horn, all right?" "It's not a crime." "Poor kid." "How long's he gonna be with you?" "Well, as long as." "Who knows what shape his mum'll be in when she gets out." "The things we do to our kids, eh?" "Everything we do has an impact." "You can almost see all your own flaws and failings in the character of your kids." "Libby's flaws and failings... ..are entirely her own." "I had it in me hand." "Chesney's cousin leant it me." "So where the fuck is it, then?" "I gave it to Trixie." "She's got a terrible ingrowing toe-nail." "That's the last that was seen of it." "It's been lifted from her room." "It's an antique." "Irreplacable." "Yeah, a precious family heirloom." "He was supposed to look after it." "You know, I trusted you." "I trusted her." "If you can't trust your own mam, then..." "Hold the accusations." "My eldest was in need, and I give it to him." "Show me a mother who wouldn't." "I leant it to a fucking Gallagher and now I get robbed out of a brothel." "How am I getting the fucking blame?" "Does no-one is this place ever take responsibility for their actions?" "Actually...it's here." "It's been here all the time." "Bottom of me bag." "You must've lifted it from Trixie's room." "Come to think of it..." "I must've done." "Oi, Ironside!" "This belongs to me." "What?" ""Property of P Croker"." "Oh, yeah." "What was all that shit about, the last thing my mother ever gave me?" "Well, I couldn't remember where I'd fucking got it." "You ever fucking... (ALL SHOUT AT ONCE)" "Why am I a part of this?" "I gave it to him, he gave it to me..." "How have I...?" "(HUBBUB CONTINUES)" "I didn't see you come in, everything all right?" "Yeah." "Did they say much?" "Spoke to a wise man, though." "He told me never to let anyone cast the first stone." "A wise man?" "Well, he's a complete arsehole, but sentiment's the same." "That reminds me." "Frank." "My Frank!" "I never doubted you for a second!" "'Nature is a total bastard.'" "I'm coming, Frank!" ""We're all defined by it." "Trapped by it.'" "'It is true." "'I have breasts, a vagina, reproductive organs." "'I know men are genetically programmed to want that.'" "'But it's not nature that judges us, that pigeon-holes us, calls us slags 'for the clothes we wear, the life we want, the sex we have." "'It's not nature that puts us in prison.'" "'I, for one, am tired of being judged." "'I'm done with that.'" "I'm getting out." "For you." "I'll wed you, Libby Croker." "Did you miss me?" "Monica's trying to nullify the divorce!" "Stop us getting married!" "I've got 24 hours to pull together a wedding." "Like a pig in fucking clogs." "Thought you might need one of these." "Who am I kidding?" "There won't be any wedding!" "They're never going to let him out." "Fra-a-a-ank!" "Monica wins, we lose." "(SCREAMS)" "Who the fuck are you?" "I'm Penis Envy."