"NARRATOR: "Tales of Tomorrow"." "Presented by Masland Beautiblend Broadlooms." "Tonight's "Tale of Tomorrow", "Appointment on Mars", starring Leslie Nielsen, with William Redfield and Robert" "Keith Jr." "CH Masland presents Act One of tonight's "Tale of Tomorrow", "Appointment on Mars", starring Leslie Nielsen." "[INAUDIBLE]" "[INAUDIBLE] OK." "Laughing boy." "OK." "OK." "I take it back." "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "They're gonna be able to hear you two guys all the way back on earth." "Hey, what are you doing inside there anyway?" "I got a surprise." "Hey, [INAUDIBLE] Come on out in the Martian sunshine." "I'm coming." "Coming." "Gentlemen, you see before you in this little carton something" "I've carried tenderly [INAUDIBLE] these many millions of miles." "34 million miles to be exact." "I've saved it for this special occasion." "But then, of course, I know that you two fellas didn't travel all the way just to hear me talk." "Oh, sure." "What's 34 million miles?" "Gentlemen, may I give you-- beer!" "Hey!" "There's beer for the explorer!" "Hey!" "Beer for the adventurers!" "Beer for the first visitors to Mars." "Yeah, well, less talk and more beer, my friend." "Break it out." "Thank you, sir." "Now, Jack, I guess I'm just about the happiest guy alive today." "We made it." "We actually made it." "We did what they said we could never do-- did it alone, too." "Well, I wouldn't go quite that far." "Ah, all right." "All right." "So we were subsidized by [INAUDIBLE]." "[INAUDIBLE] was good and glad to give us [INAUDIBLE] money." "They're gonna get half of what we find here." "That'll be plenty." "Right." "Right." "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you guys how I felt." "OK." "Toast." "The guys who got us here, our good Captain" "Robert [INAUDIBLE]." "[INAUDIBLE] Cut it out!" "[INAUDIBLE] through the void." "Here's to you, [INAUDIBLE]." "[INAUDIBLE] Well." "So this is Mars." "You know something?" "I'm disappointed." "What?" "Well, I mean I expected something different." "Disappointed?" "All we did was come to Mars." "And he's disappointed." "Yeah." "No, I'm not happy about it." "Don't get me wrong." "It's just that-- well, it's kind of strange." "That's all." "Nothing here." "There's trees and rocks." "But no people." "No intelligent life." "Why not?" "That's what I'd like to know." "Well, it's silly." "This is Mars." "You can't expect to find a life like our own." "Yeah." "He's expecting to find the green-skinned monsters." "You know?" "Oh, sure." "[INAUDIBLE] Claws." "The fire coming out of the mouth." "No." "You don't understand me." "Look." "We're on a planet here that supports plant life, right?" "Yeah." "Now take a look at this." "This is not an earth plant, but it's comparable at any rate." "High chlorophyll content, I'd say." "Carbon dioxide" "OK, Professor." "No lectures." "All right." "Here's my point." "It supports plant life." "It certainly could support animal life." "So what are you driving at?" "Why aren't there any intelligent creatures?" "That's what I want to know." "There's nothing." "Only the barrenness and the howling wind and lonely plain." "There's nothing." "I don't know." "It's weird." "Makes me feel kind of funny." "Yeah." "You sound like a pallbearer." "OK." "Listen." "Those [INAUDIBLE] readings said there are minerals out there." "[INAUDIBLE] all right." "What do you say we find them?" "Right." "There ought to be enough out there to make old [INAUDIBLE] proud of us." "Yeah." "Well, I'll tell you what." "I don't think we're gonna find any very large mineral deposits." "[INAUDIBLE] How can you tell?" "I can't." "I'm just guessing." "After all, who knows what's out there." "Mineral or otherwise." "Well, let's go and see." "Look, ladies." "I'm anxious to find out what's out there." "You want to come along?" "Or are you gonna stay here and dish awhile." "Huh?" "Coming." "Coming." "Hey, wait a minute." "Now what?" "My rabbit's foot." "I almost forgot." "How do you like that?" "A superstitious scientist." "It got us to Mars, didn't it?" "Uh, Bart, I think the spaceship just had a little bit to do with it." "I don't know." "Betsy and me" "We've been together a long time!" "Well, [INAUDIBLE] jumping." "[INAUDIBLE] come here!" "Holy smoke!" "Come on." "Robbie, Jack, for crying out loud!" "What is it?" "Are you all right, Bart?" "Am I all right?" "Brother, just listen to that, will you?" "That's the sweetest music I've ever heard." "Am I all right?" "Just listen!" "[INAUDIBLE] Uranium." "Uranium!" "Uranium!" "Uranium!" "Boys, we're rich!" "I've been crawling this place a half an hour." "It's all over the place." "I tell you there must be tons of this stuff in this single vein." "Just tons of it!" "Uranium." "Brother, are we gonna be rich?" "It's all over the place." "Uranium." "And we'll, uh-- we'll have to split half and half with [INAUDIBLE], you know." "Oh, that leaves plenty for us." "How much do you get for uranium now?" "A fortune!" "This is it." "This makes it all worthwhile." "There's probably enough-- enough money in that one vein that'll pay for the trip ten times over." "We can write our own [INAUDIBLE] on this." "[INAUDIBLE]" "No, no, no." "That's OK." "We'll stake out a claim on it." "We'll map it up right away." "Yeah." "Right." "Let's see how far the vein extends." "There may be more." "There may be more than we thought of." "Maybe the whole planet's full of this stuff." "Millionaire." "Hey." "Let's start getting this stuff mapped out." "Millionaire." "You know, Jack, I bet there's more of that stuff below the ground than we ever dreamed of." "Enough to keep us for the rest of our lives." "Yeah." "Hey wait a minute." "I need a cigarette." "Good old Betsy." "What did I tell you, huh, Jack?" "You guys laughed." "Yeah." "Yeah." "You know something?" "When I was just a kid, I used to dream of the planets." "Now here we are on Mars with all this uranium." "It's weird." "Hey, listen, Bart." "You sure those tests were accurate?" "Huh?" "The tests!" "The one you made when you got here." "You mean the atmosphere tests?" "Yeah." "Is the air all right?" "I mean, can we breathe it?" "Well, we are breathing it, aren't we?" "Yeah." "Is it all right to breathe?" "Yeah, sure." "You're positive?" "Yeah." "It's a little thin, but it's breathable." "Why?" "Nothing." "Never mind." "What's the matter?" "Don't you feel well?" "I feel great." "Come on." "Let's go." "Let's finish up." "You sure you didn't make a mistake on those tests?" "What's the matter with you?" "I got a headache." "I never had a headache in my life." "I got one now." "Well, maybe you got a fever." "I haven't got a fever." "I've got a headache." "I don't know, Jack." "The tests are all right." "As a matter of fact, I think I got the figures right here." "Yeah." "You see the oxygen content is" "Look." "I don't care about the figures." "Why have I got a headache?" "I don't know, Jack." "Well, something's giving me a headache" "Well, you don't have to shout [INAUDIBLE]" "I [INAUDIBLE] shouting!" "You are shouting!" "Just because you're tired." "What?" "Maybe you're tired." "That's all." "Working on the [INAUDIBLE] all day." "Maybe you just need a little rest." "What do you mean by that?" "Just what I said." "For Pete's sake, what's the matter with you?" "If you're tired it's nothing to be ashamed of." "I'm not tired!" "Look." "I'm the strongest guy in this outfit." "What makes you think I need rest more than you or Robbie?" "Huh?" "I didn't say that." "Well, that's what it sounded like." "You want to pick an argument?" "You just go find some other guy." "I don't have to stand around and listen while you blow off." "Hey." "Hey." "Hey." "[INAUDIBLE] What's all the yelling about?" "Ah, Jack's just a little on edge." "That's all." "I'm not on edge!" "I've got a headache." "It's the strangeness of the place-- beginning to get him, too-- this planet." "Oh." "So here we go on the planet again." "Really I don't like it." "I've said it before." "And I'll repeat it." "This place gives me the creeps." "What's there here to give you the creeps?" "The wind howling all the time-- enough to drive you crazy." "Weird rocks and shrubs." "Just don't like it." "That's all." "I got the feeling I'm" "What?" "You got the feeling you're what?" "Ah, never mind." "Come on, Jack." "No, no, no." "What is it?" "I'm curious." "All right." "I got the feeling I'm being watched." "Surely you don't think Jack and I are" "No." "No." "Not you and Jack." "Something else." "Something I can feel." "Like eyes at the back of my neck." "Like walking down a dark street at night with the sound of footsteps behind you." "That's crazy." "You're right it's crazy." "Still don't like this planet." "If I could pilot that ship, I'd leave here right this minute." "But you can't." "Robbie's the only one that can fly it." "And he's not ready to leave." "Are you?" "What?" "And leave all this uranium?" "All right." "Come on." "Let's get back to work." "I don't see anybody watching us." "I didn't see anybody either!" "You don't have to get wise about it!" "All right." "Take it easy." "OK." "Look." "I'm crazy." "That's all." "Let's just forget it." "Let's leave it at that." "Now come on." "The sooner we finish this, the sooner we can get out here." "Yeah." "Sure, Bart." "Just-- just relax." "Yeah, sure." "Somebody watching us." "He says I need a rest." "You ought to stay out of the sun." "I told you not to get wise about it." "Cool off." "Listen, you guys." "We got to stake out all the uranium we can find." "And we don't have time for fighting." "I'm going around with this [INAUDIBLE] again." "Relax." "I'll see you later." "I need a cigarette." "Where's Betsy?" "I-- well, I put it right up here." "Where could it have-- that" " All right, big boy." "Where is it?" "Where is what?" "My rabbit's foot." "You know what I'm talking about." "What did you do with it?" "Are you nuts or something?" "What do I want with your rabbit's foot?" "Listen, Jack." "I put it right down here a minute ago." "It sure as heck didn't walk away by itself." "Now where is it?" "Look." "I told you I haven't got it." "I say you're lying!" "What?" "You heard me." "Now you fork over that rabbit's foot before I" "Before what?" "Are you kidding?" "You take another step toward me, I'll tear you in half." "Now listen, Jack." "I'm not kidding." "I want that rabbit's foot." "Betsy and me" "Betsy and me." "Betsy and me." "Grow up." "Will you?" "What do I want with that filthy paw?" "The only filthy thing around here is your fat mouth." "Why you mangy little runt." "Who do you think you're talking to?" "I'm talking to you." "Don't think you can scare me just because you're big." "You think tough guys are all alike." "You think just because you've got a couple of muscles" "Shut up!" "Another peep out of you, I'll tear you in half." "[INAUDIBLE] I gotta take any garbage from a punk like you." "That's all I" "Shut up!" "That's all I" "Shut up!" "Shut up!" "need." "Shut up!" "need." "Shut up!" "[INAUDIBLE]" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Come on." "All right." "All right." "What's this all about?" "What's the matter with you guys?" "You're going off your rockers?" "How do you expect to get anything done if you're gonna fight?" "I'll kill him." "Get him out of my sight before I kill him." "How you guys can fight at a time like this is beyond me." "You're acting like a couple of kids." "Tell it to him." "He started it." "I don't care who started it." "Now listen." "I'm telling this to both of you." "You get it straight the first time." "This fighting has got to stop." "It's got to stop right now." "Look, I want your guns." "If there's going to be any fighting around here" "I want to take the weapons back to the ship and lock them up." "You're not getting my gun." "Come on, Bart." "No." "I'm telling you, Robbie." "Save your breath cause you're just wasting it." "You're not getting my gun." "There's something on this-- on this place watching us." "And if you think I'm giving up my gun" "Bart it's all in your mind." "you're crazy." "There's nothing out there at all." "You're not gonna get my gun!" "How about you?" "You realize all this watching business is nonsense, don't you?" "Yeah, sure." "Good." "Now give me your gun." "Not while he's got his." "Listen fellas, we came here together." "You remember?" "We're the first ones-- the only one to do it." "There's uranium here." "Tons of it." "Now can't you see if you're gonna fight" "You're getting no place fast, Robbie." "This gun stays with papa." "All right." "All right." "Keep your lousy guns." "Let's go and eat and turn in." "We can all do with a little rest." "Well, look." "Let's just forget about everything." "All right?" "Get a good night's rest." "Everything will look better in the morning." "You'll see." "Yeah, sure." "Goodnight." "Goodnight." "Goodnight." "A martian!" "Yeah, I see a martian out there." "Get away from me!" "Get away from me!" "Bart, there's nothing out there." "Yeah." "I can see a martian." "Bart!" "I can see a martian!" "Put off your gun!" "Yeah." "There he is!" "Look out!" "Bart!" "Bart!" "No!" "No!" "Bart!" "Put off your gun!" "No, get away from me, Robbie." "We got a gun." "Let's take care of him." "I can see a martian." "Get your hands off me!" "Bart!" "Oh, you shouldn't have done that, Robbie." "You shouldn't have." "[INAUDIBLE]" "The gun." "It just went off." "You're lying." "You killed him." "What?" "You shot him down in cold blood." "I saw you." "Jack, you got this all wrong." "No, I haven't." "I can see it now." "It's taken me a long time, but it's finally dawned on me." "But, Jack, can't you see?" "Shut up!" "I'm wise to your whole [INAUDIBLE] scheme." "Brother, were we suckers." "I don't know what you're talking about." "[INAUDIBLE] Captain Robert [INAUDIBLE], mama's little helper." "You were gonna protect me and Bart from each other, weren't you?" "Give me your guns, boys." "I'll take care of you." "Yeah." "You would've liked that, wouldn't you?" "Listen." "I wanted those guns because" "Yeah, sure." "You had it all figured, didn't you?" "Get the guns and the rest would be easy." "Take off." "Leave us here dead." "What do I want to kill you and Bart for, Jack?" "Uranium, Captain." "Uranium." "Ah, Jack" "Tons of it." "That's insensible." "Tons of it." "That's insensible." "That's insensible." "Enough to make you king." "That's insensible." "Enough to make you king." "You didn't want to cut it up three ways." "There's more than enough here for the three of us." "What do I want to cut you and Bart out for?" "Cause some guys are like that." "Never can get enough." "Brother, what a sweet scheme." "Well, it's not gonna work, pal." "What do you mean?" "You're gonna teach me how to fly that ship." "I couldn't." "It would take" "I don't care what it takes." "You're gonna teach me everything there is to know." "Jack, that's impossible." "It would take you months to even learn the controls." "And then after that there's [INAUDIBLE]." "All right. [INAUDIBLE]" "Oh, so that's it." "Yeah." "You get the idea, Robbie." "Yeah." "I teach you to fly." "And what then?" "You take off and leave me behind." "Yeah, sure." "Sure." "That's it." "Isn't it?" "Then who gets it all?" "You do." "That business with the headache." "The way you were baiting Bart-- leading him on until he [INAUDIBLE] up." "Now shut up." "You're not talking your way out of this." "Get over to that ship." "Come on." "Now." "Move, Robbie." "OK." "If that's the way you want it." "MARTIAN 1:" "Well, well." "It was quicker than we expected, [INAUDIBLE]." "MARTIAN 2:" "Yes, [INAUDIBLE]." "It was almost too easy." "Such simple minds to [INAUDIBLE]." "The little one-- the one you took the charm from-- he suspected for awhile." "But fortunately he was the weakest of the lot." "MARTIAN 1:" "Well, they're all gone now." "Do you think more will come, [INAUDIBLE]?" "MARTIAN 2:" "I doubt it, [INAUDIBLE]." "MARTIAN 1:" "Come." "Shall we have a look at their ship?" "It may prove interesting."