"This way, please, ladies and gentlemen." "Follow me." "Round there, please." "Thank you." "From the dynasty of Akbar the Magnificent, and for over a thousand years, our nation's religious symbol, the Pink Panther;" "largest and most famous diamond in the world." "Irreplaceable, its value cannot be estimated in terms of money." "Isn't the museum worried that someone might steal it?" "The Pink Panther is protected by forces more impenetrable than any army." "Observe." "Deactivate." "Failing the radar shield, the slightest release of pressure in the weight of the diamond and the would-be thief is a prisoner of the Pink Panther." "Why is it called the Pink Panther?" "The stone is flawed." "If it's held up to the light in a certain way, the figure of a springing panther can be seen clearly." " Good morning, sir." " Sit!" "My department has several suspects." "His Majesty has been informed." "He's flying home from Washington." " I expect an arrest any moment." " I don't share your optimism." "The culprit is still within our borders." "All airports and railways stations are being watched." "While you search for a man with a Dutch passport, he's thrown away the passport and will leave the country under a new identity." " When we find the fingerprints..." " If you find them..." "You're both in trouble." "Do what is necessary and conventional." "I am calling outside help - the famous French detective who recovered the Pink Panther the last time." " What was his name?" " Clouseau." "Inspector Clouseau." "You 'ave a licence?" "Monsieur...?" "City ordinance 47B prohibits the playing of any musical instrument in a public place for the purpose of commercial enterprise without a licence." "I don't understand." "It is against the law for you to play your musical instrument." " The law?" "You say it's against the law." " Yes, unless you have a proper licence." " What kind of licence?" " A licence that permits the playing of any musical instrument in a public place for the purpose of commercial enterprise." " Commercial enterprise?" " Yes." " You play and people give you the money." " People give the monkey the money." " It is the same." " Not at all, monsieur." "I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman." "He doesn't tell me what to play." "I don't tell him what to do with his money." "Don't try to be funny with me!" "He is your meenkey, therefore it's your money!" "He lives with me but he is not my monkey." "I came home and I found him in the living room." "He pays for his room and board." "Then the meenkey is breaking the law." "But he doesn't play any musical instrument." "City ordinance 132R prohibits the begging." "How do you know so much about the city ordinance?" "What sort of stupid question is that?" "Are you blind?" " Yes." " Oh, I see, yes." "Yes, of course." "You happen to be talking to a police officer, and because I expect to be transferred back to the detective division," "I'll let you off with a warning." "Thank you, monsieur." " You must get yourself a proper licence!" " First thing tomorrow." "Try to do something about your filthy meenkey." "Oh, one moment!" " Arretez!" " Idiot!" " How could I know he was the bank manager?" " Or that the bank was being robbed (!" ")" " Correct." "What is correct?" "I did not know the bank was being robbed because I was engaged in my sworn duty as a police officer." "You didn't even arrest the old beggar." "There was some question as to whether he or his meenkey was breaking the law." " Meenkey?" " What?" " You said meenkey!" " Correct." "Chimpanzee meenkey." "So I let them both off with a warning." "The beggar was the lookout man for the gang." "Impossible." "He was blind." "How can a blind man be a lookout?" " How can an idiot be a policeman?" " Simple." "All he has to do is to enlist..." "Shut up!" " How do you know he was blind?" " Because he told me so." " He told you so." "You believed him?" " I had no reason to doubt him." "Do you believe me if I tell you that I'm not going to get you suspended for six months?" "If you say so, sir, yes." "I'm a bigger liar than the beggar." "You are suspended for six months, without pay." " Six months?" " Effective immediately." "Anything to say?" " Could you lend me 50 francs?" " Will you get out of my sight!" "My blood pressure..." "Idiot." "One day, François, I'll be rid of him forever." "That'll be the day!" " Something on your mind?" " An order from the Commissioner." " Oh, yes?" " It concerns Clouseau." "Go on." "He's to be reinstated as an inspector." "What?" "You can't be serious." "And he is to report immediately to Colonel Sharki in Lugash." "I see..." " Sir!" " What?" "It's a birthday gift from my wife." " Most realistic." " Get me the Commissioner." "Chief Inspector Dreyfus calling." "The Commissioner..." "I have just received your instructions to send Clouseau to Lugash, but he's no longer with us." "I've just given him..." "But..." "Since France and Lugash have been allies for 200 years, it might be a mistake to send someone who is..." "Yes, of course." "Very good, Commissioner." "It seems the Shah of Lugash telephoned the President personally and asked for Clouseau to be assigned to the case." " The Shah of Lugash!" " Incredible." "All right, François." "The Shah of Lugash..." "Oh, good evening, madame." "I was just reading the headlines in your newspaper." "Good evening." "Cato..." "Cato!" "Monsieur Clouseau's residence." "One moment, please." "For you." "It's Chief Inspector Dreyfus." " Yes, sir?" " You're back on the force." "Come to my office immediately!" "Immediately, sir." "Well, Cato, I'm back on the force." "You know, Cato, your freezer ambush ploy..." "I really congratulate you." "It was very, very good." "But Cato..." "Your fly is undone!" "And so, my friend, are you." "Yes, my little yellow friend, I knew the Chief would have to reconsider." "He didn't get where he is by ignoring a man's qualifications." "He knows that I am unique and, therefore, indispensable." "We are much the same, the Chief and I." "All great detectives have one thing in common." "And you know what that is?" "Instinct!" "That rare ability to know immediately without having to stop and reason." "In my business it can easily mean a difference between life and death." "I'll get it." "Ah, thank you." "Yes, that split-second timing when instinct tells you..." "That..." "Arghhh!" "Infamous powers are at work." "The instant you assign me to a case, the underworld hears about it and I am set upon." "Cato is in hospital." "They nearly blew his little yellow skin off." "It's amazing I am still alive." "Amazing is not the word." "Do I detect something in your voice that says I'm in disfavour with you?" "Yes." "I wish you were dead." " Of course you're entitled to your opinion." " And you're not!" "Out of my sight!" "You want me to leave?" "If you're not out in five seconds, I won't be responsible for my actions!" "Five seconds is nothing." "I can easily be out of here in three..." " But if you really want..." " I've had enough!" "Oh, thank you very much." "A very amusing clever little gadget, but of course my instinct told me that..." "Something the matter?" "Are you not feeling well?" "My blood pressure..." "My pills..." "You're killing me." "Perhaps some water?" "You have a defective carafe." "Allow me to blot you." "I will blot you." "My aunt suffered from high blood pressure." "She was attended successfully by Dr August Ball from Nice." "And after he attended her for several weeks..." "Obviously out of fluid." "Would you like me to fill it for you?" "No, just..." "Please, just go away." "Yes." "All right, Inspector." "I will leave." "But remember, I will be at your service night or day." "Of course, I will be on assignment in Lugash." "Unfortunately, there is some difference in the time." "My watch seems to have stopped, probably due to the explosion." "You need a new flint." "Well, Chief Inspector." "Until we meet again and the case is sol-ved." "Case is sol-ved..." "Idiot!" "Don't just stand there!" "Call a doctor, and then help me find my nose!" "Inspector!" "Very interesting museum you have here." " Inspector..." " Please, say nothing." "I prefer to investigate the scene of the crime spontaneously." " It gives my instincts full rein." " But our security measures..." "I'm sure they are very good..." "but obviously not good enough." "Very effective indeed." "The element of surprise..." "Of course I knew it was going to happen, but nevertheless a surprise..." "How kind of you to welcome me!" "Is there any way of getting in and out without this?" " Deactivate." " Deactivate the door." "Yes..." "So we meet again." "Very ingenious." "He pulled himself across the floor." " He did?" " How else could he avoid the radar field?" "Yes, how else?" "Of course, he would need a very slippery floor for that." " Therefore the wax." " The wax?" "Are you all right?" "Of course I am!" "I am examining the wax!" "Have you taken a sample of this wax?" "Wax is wax." "This is where you are wrong." "Wax is not just wax." "In this case it is a clue." "English wax, French wax, domestic wax..." "The inspector is right." "Have the wax tested immediately." "It is my guess you'll find it is English wax." " Why?" " Because your thief is an Englishman." "How do you know?" "It is my business to know that." "He is Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious Litton..." " The Phantom?" " Yes, one and the same." "His calling card..." "Four years ago, Sir Charles vanished." "It was rumoured... ..he'd given up his life of crime, but my instinct told me he wouldn't hide long." " Four years is not long?" " Time is not the issue, this glove is." "It signifies the Phantom is up to his old tricks." "But I will catch him." "I will root him out." "It won't be easy." "He's a master of disguise." "Undoubtedly he is gone back into hiding until the heat is off." "How is he?" "Unlovable." "Has he seen it?" "I thought you'd like to show it to him." " How was Paris?" " Expensive." "Good." "Buy anything foolish?" "Lots." "How have you been?" "Splendid." "Fantastic." "I have created something absolutely extraordinary since breakfast." " Can I see it?" " No, not yet." "Please, don't be silly." "Let me see it." "How about that?" " You know what?" " What?" "I think I came back just in time." "Damn!" " What, darling?" " Listen to this." ""Police today were conducting a house-to-house search of Lugash" ""for the thief who stole the Pink Panther diamond from the Royal Museum." ""The only clue is a white monogrammed man's glove with the initial 'P'."" "What do you think?" "That you didn't spend your time just painting during my absence." "Oh, you think I had something to do with it?" "Didn't you?" "You little beast!" "Three - no, four years ago - I swore to you that I was retired." "I've been faithful to you ever since." "In your fashion." " What the hell does that mean?" " That you're being teased." "I believe you, darling, but it does sound the kind of job only the Phantom could've done." "I mean, the Pink Panther." "No clues except your well-known calling card." "Yes, I must admit..." "The impostor is very clever... very clever indeed." "I'm surprised half the police force of France hasn't descended on us." " But of course they will!" " Without a doubt." "But if you're innocent?" "I'm not only innocent, but if I decided to get back into business, I wouldn't leave my calling card!" " But will the police think of that?" " No." " But you can convince them." " Not unless the real thief is caught." "But then you're lost!" "If the police think you're the real thief, then who will catch the impostor?" "Well, I..." "I can only think of one person, really." "Can't you?" "Charles!" "Since the alternative is prison, I don't have much choice." "I'm frightened." "This impostor is very clever." "It could be dangerous." "Oh, darling, not to worry." "Trust me." "I may be a bit rusty, but I'm capable of taking care of myself." "I congratulate you, Chief, on your excellent facilities." "Of course, you understand that my visit must be of the utmost secrecy." "Of course." "My department will do everything possible to assist you." "However, there is one question that only you can answer." "Oui?" "Does Sir Charles Litton have a swimming pouil?" "A swimming "pouil"...?" " Back before you know it." " Take care." "What identity will you travel under?" "Well, I shall be dreary old Sir Charles Litton leaving the country and... ..fearless, dashing young Dr Marvin Tanny arriving at Lugash." "Watch it!" "I have the report." "Someone has trifled with your brakes." "The underworld will stop at nothing." "This is the second attempt on my life..." "I may have caught my...death of..." "Gesundheit." "I have fixed your doorbell from the ringing." "There is no charge." "Thank you." "What do you want?" "I am from the telephurn company." "There's something the matter with your phurn." " My "phurn"?" " What?" "You said there's something the matter with my phurn." "Yes." " My phone?" " Correct." "That is what I've been saying." "There's no trouble with our telephones." "I know when there is a trouble!" "And I can definitely tell you that there is a trouble, rest assured of that." " Since when?" " Since it was reported." "I see." "What is the trouble with it?" "If I knew that I could simply call you up and tell you what the trouble is." " What's the trouble?" " He says we have trouble with our phones." "Allow me to introduce myself." "I'm Emile Flournoy, communications expert and chief troubleshooter for the Nice Telephurn company." "Oh, please come in, monsieur." "How can we help you?" "Which is your nearest phurn?" " There." " What?" "Ah, yes..." "Hmm..." "Yes, this phurn will not do at all." "Show me another phurn." "Show Monsieur Flo..." "Flournoy." "Flournoy...the telephone in Sir Charles' study." "I hope you locate the trouble." "It is my business to locate trouble." "No trouble back there." " If you require anything..." " What I require is a phurn, my little bag of tools and some privacy in which to work." "That is all I require!" "Take that phone but don't pick it up until I tell you." "Raymond?" "Si..." "I'm taking the five o'clock plane to Switzerland." "Have you got that?" "Si, Switzerland." " Have you got the merchandise?" " Si." "Good." "I see you tomorrow at the Palace Hotel in Gstaad." " Si." " Goodbye." "Si..." "Goodbye." "Inspector?" "Do not come in!" "I am making final delicate adjustments to the phurn." "I will tell you when it's safe to enter." "These adjustments must not be interfered with, you know." "Do not come in!" "I'm just putting my tools away." "As I summarised, a slight malfunction with your phurn which I have repaired." "I must return to my office and report my adjustments." "According to the authorities in Nice, he's demolished a pool and two trucks." "And he is on his way to Gstaad." "Gstaad?" "Yes." "Today, a paradise in the Swiss Alps, tomorrow, a wasteland." "Compared to Clouseau, Attila the Hun was a Red Cross volunteer." " Careful!" " What?" "I put the real one in the bottom drawer." "Follow that car!" "Do you know the way to the Palace Hotel?" "Yes." "Your bag, sir?" "No, thank you." "This bag never leaves my hand." "He-he-he." "Arghh!" "Your bag, sir." "Thank you." "Scusi, signore." "May I take your coat?" "Thank you very much." " Your gloves?" " Of course." "Your hat?" " Grazie, signor." " Prego." "Oui, monsieur?" " Do you have a rheum?" " A "rheum"...?" " What?" " You said, do I have a "rheum"." "I know what I said!" "I said, "Do you have a rheum?"" "You mean, do I have a room?" "That's what I have been saying, you fool!" "Do you have a reservation?" "I am Inspector Clouseau of the Surete." "I am here on official police business." "Whether it's official or not, this is the height of the season and the hotel is full." "Listen, my friend." "This is a matter of national importance." "If you continue to be difficult," "I shall have to speak with my superiors." "In that case, monsieur..." "We do have...a rheum." "I thought as much." "Nature of your visit to Lugash, Dr Tanny?" "Business or pleasure?" "Purely pleasure." "How are you, Pepi?" "What a surprise!" "Sir Charles Litton, isn't it?" "Not necessarily." "A cognac, s'ilvous plait." "Well..." "Where do I find the Fat Man?" "Oh, I haven't seen the Fat Man in years." "Really?" "If you're not working for the Fat Man, who are you working for?" " You're breaking my finger!" " Why don't you call a policeman?" "All right, you can find the Fat Man at the Salamander." "Thank you, Pepi." "Why don't you order yourself some liniment...on the rocks?" "Well, Charles, my old friend!" "It's good to see you." "Come, sit down." "I've really missed you." "You look wonderful!" "What can I do for you?" "Well, I need a favour, old man." "Of course!" "First, I need your help." "And my two associates." "They are here to guard the Pink Panther." "When you've finished your drink, hand it over." "I haven't got it." " But you took it." " I wish I had." "But I didn't, I swear." "Normally I detest violence, but in your case I'm forced to make a regrettable exception." "Would it upset you too much to explain why?" "Under the pretence of trying to catch the thief, the General is hurting many innocent people." "And a group of my friends." "If I give him the thief, he'll stop hurting them." "Of course, if you didn't steal the Panther, one might almost conclude that the General, in order to get rid of his political enemies, did it himself." "I bet he even offered a reward." "A very considerable reward." "Dead..." " Or alive?" " And if you are dead..." " I can't prove I didn't steal it." " I knew you'd figure it out." "Deliver the body to the general with my compliments." "I'm awfully sorry, old boy." "You know the old saying: "With friends like you, who needs enemies?"" " Good evening, Dr Tanny." " Good evening." "I am Colonel Sharki." "Ah, yes." "I thought we might be running into one another sooner or later." "I..." "I need your help." "Now, Colonel Sharki, what could a simple doctor do to help the head of the Lugash Secret Police?" "A simple doctor, nothing..." "But the notorious Phantom - oh, he could do quite a bit." "For instance?" "I want your co-operation in the recovery of the Pink Panther." "The Fat Man thinks that you cooked up this robbery as an excuse to do a little political house-cleaning." "The Fat Man is not the only one with that opinion." "If you can prove that you're not guilty..." "Bad leg?" "It's nothing." "If you can prove that you're not guilty, then I am in serious trouble." "Because of the religious significance of the Pink Panther, it is imperative that, sooner or later, the thief be apprehended and the jewel returned." "But you would prefer it to be later?" "It's reassuring to know that we understand each other so well." "And if I do indeed... catch the thief?" "Oh, I have every confidence that you will." "How does the saying go?" ""Set a thief to catch a thief"?" "Good night, Dr..." "Tanny." "Yes." "I hate him all right." "How much do you hate him?" "How much?" "How high is up?" "I hate every molecule in his body!" " You'd like to kill him?" " Kill him?" "Oh, God, yes...to kill him!" "Why don't you?" "Oh, to kill him...!" "What?" "Why don't I?" "It's not so easy." "You try." " I mean kill him psychically." " Ridiculous!" "There's nothing I can do "psychically" that would have any effect on him." " Why not?" " Because he's got a brain of a meenkey." " Meenkey?" " What?" "You said "meenkey"." "I did?" "!" "Hmm-mm!" "I'm beginning to talk like him!" "No, Doctor." "You come up with a better suggestion or I'll get another analyst." "Just relax." "Relax?" "I haven't slept for a week." "I just lie there, thinking the same thoughts over and over and over again." "Describe your thoughts." "Get them out and you'll feel much better." "It's always the same." "Clouseau is sitting just like you with his back to me and... ..and then suddenly my hands go around his throat and I begin to squeeze." "It's wonderful, it's marvellous." "I'm squeezing." "And the more I squeeze, the freer I feel." "I'm in ecstasy." "And then suddenly..." "suddenly my problem is sol-ved." "Doctor?" "Doctor!" "Sir Charles arrived at my office and we reviewed all the evidence to date." "He was interested, asked all the right questions." "I showed him the film from the museum's hidden cameras." "This was the last group to go through before the robbery." " Do you recognise anybody?" " No." "He studied the film carefully and claimed not to recognise anyone." "No." "We questioned him three times about each one." "You're sure?" "Absolutely." "This one?" "No." "How about that one?" "No!" "The results were identical." "Little or no stress until a question about number three, then hard stress." " Number three?" " A young man." "The guide remembers him." " Good morning." " It could be better." " How?" " You could go away." "All right." "But first I need your truck." "I haven't got a truck any more..." "Aiee!" "I sold it." " Wh-what do you want it for?" " You'll help me cross the border." "It's impossible, the border is closed!" "Aieee!" ".." "You have to have a special pass." " Get one." " Out of the question!" "If I go to the Fat Man to buy a special pass, he wants to know the reason." "Then tell him I've threatened your life unless you help me cross the border." "Tell him that for half the sum of the reward, plus a forged pass for you, you will deliver me into an ambush at some pre-named place of the Fat Man's choosing this side of the border." " What if he doesn't believe me?" " I'm sure you can convince him." "And if, my dear Pepi, you double-cross me, it'll be a very long while before you give your next piano recital." " Yes?" " You asked about Lady Litton's activities." " Yes?" " She's going skiing at two o'clock." "Skiing in this weather?" " On the glacier." " On the glacier?" "Psst!" "How long have you been a bellboy?" "Too long, monsieur." "Keep up this good work and very soon I'll see to it that you become a bellman." " Bonjour, m'lady." " Good afternoon." "I've changed my mind." "I'm going to the tennis matches instead." "If my husband calls, tell him I'll be back around four." " Oui, madame." " Thank you." "Hello." "Guten Ta-a-ag." "Hello." "Wie geht's?" "Wie geht's?" "Schwein bird!" "That is my private moustache." "Naughty bird!" "Schwein!" "No, no, wait!" "It's me, Inspector Clouseau!" "She's coming!" "In the elevator!" "Hello?" "What are we..." "What are we going to do?" "Sh!" "Never fear..." "She's coming!" "Come in." "Some towels you have, bitte?" "I'll get them." "What are you doing?" "!" "Wie geht's?" "Staubsauger!" "Halt!" "Out!" "Schnell, schnell!" "Go on!" "Guten tag!" "Wie geht's?" " What took you so long?" " The Fat Man doesn't convince easily." " But you managed." " Here is your pass." "And...you gave him?" "As you suggested, for the pass and half of the reward, I will hand you over." " Quickly, we must hurry." " Where?" " What?" " Where did you agree to hand me over?" "The Fat Man will be waiting one mile south of the roadway, seven miles from the border." "I know the place precisely!" "I will avoid it, absolutely." "We must hurry!" "After you." " What?" " Try "why"." "Why?" "Aieee!" "Because I know you precisely and doubt you absolutely." "Sir Charles, please, please..." "As long as you've told the truth, there's nothing to worry about." " Nothing to worry about..." " Right." " Be careful." " Thank you very much." "Open it." "Be careful!" "He tricked me!" "From the gentleman at the bar, madame." " Good evening." " Good evening." "Monsieur Guy Gadbois at your service." " How do you do?" "I'm Lady Litton." " Yes, I know." "I took the liberty of finding out." "I hope you're not offended." " That depends on your intentions." " Strictly honourable, I can assure you." "A man sees a beautiful chick and can't help but be inquisitive, you know." " You think me naughty if I buy you a drink?" " You already have." "I know that." "How about I buy myself one and we drink it together?" "Waiter, another Kahlua and ginger ale, please." "Well, if there is a Lady Litton, there must be a lurd." " A what?" " Lurd Litton?" "Oh, yes, he's in..." "Yes?" " ..in plastics." " Oh, the plastic?" "In...industrial plastics." "Ah..." "Very interesting." "Well..." "Here is looking at you, kid." " You have anything to declare?" " Nothing." "You may proceed." "I come here often for the winter sports, for the skiing." "So do I. Why have we never met?" "It's simple, really." "I get up at the crack of..." "Oh, I'm terribly sorry." "I get up at the crack of dawn always, up the mountain, down the slopes, on the piste." "You must be a very good skier." "Well, I started when I was a mere babe-in-arms." "I could ski before I could even crawl." " I'm terribly sorry." " It's all right." "This hotel is deteriorating rapidly." " Your health." " Here's to you, Monsieur Gadbois." "Is that your own parrot?" "No, it comes with the hotel." "Someone let it out of its cage and I can't get it back in." "You need another glass." "I most certainly do." "Swine parrot!" "What is it you do, Monsieur Gadbois?" "Oh, a little bit of this and a little bit of that." " A man of mystery?" " One might say that, yes." "I would tell you more but it would be safer for you if I did not." " Are you all right?" " Of course I am!" "Yes?" "Excuse me." "For a moment I thought I was in your apartment." " Hello?" " I am in your apartment..." " It's for you." " For me...?" " There's no need to leave on my account." " There's need to leave on my account." " Hello?" " Monsieur Gadbois?" "Yes, this is Monsieur Gadbois." "Who is that speaking?" "Don't you know?" "Can't you guess?" "I'll give you a clue." "This is the man who hates you and would like to see you dead and buried!" "Are you the head waiter at the little bistro on the Rue des Beaux Arts?" "No, this is Chief Inspector Dreyfus!" "Idiot?" "!" "You understand that anyone could ask for Monsieur Guy Gadbois and say that they were Chief Inspector Dreyfus." "What is your code-name?" "Code-name..." "Code-name?" "I've never had a code-name, lunatic?" "!" "Only the real Inspector Dreyfus would know that he did not have a code-name." "Clouseau, why are you still in Switzerland?" "Because I'm attempting to interrogate Lady Litton and trying to find out where her husband is." "Her husband is in Lugash." "He's been there since Tuesday!" "Well, in that case I'll leave on the next available plane." "Yes, quite, quite, sir." "I quite understand." "I'm not arguing about that." "That would be my advice as well." "But..." "Yes, I can understand your feelings under the circumstances." "Absolutely." "Yes, that is quite right." "But, sir, whatever your feelings are, you must not call me here at any hour of night or day, even in an emergency!" "A little bit of this and a little bit of that add up sometimes..." "Thank you." "Did you say you were leaving on the next plane?" "Regrettably, yes, yes." "One of life's little tragedies." "So, until we meet again..." "I will say, "Here is looking at you, kid."" "Is anything the matter?" "Yes..." "Strange taste." " Well, au revoir." " Au revoir." "The concierge, please." "Monsieur Gadbois' room." "Yes?" "Clouseau, since you disregarded my orders and remain in Switzerland..." " But..." " Don't interrupt!" "Arrest Lady Litton." "Arrest Lady Litton?" "Immediately!" "If she's not in your custody in five minutes, you'll be checking parking meters in Martinique!" "Yes, sir." "Five minutes!" "No, Cato, you fool." "This is not the time." "This is not the time, Cato!" "Come out of there!" "This is the time." "Stupid fool, you forgot the first rule of self-defence." "Never allow yourself to be taken by surprise!" "Anyway, I didn't expect to see you soon." "My brown suit..." "Valet!" "They've done an excellent restoration on your little yellow skin." "Valet, this is Inspector Clouseau." "Please send up my..." "Well, please send down my brown suit immediately." "As quick as you can." "Quicker, please!" "As if I can wait!" "Help me get dressed." "Arrest Lady Litton?" "But on what charge?" "Hallo, this is Inspector Clouseau!" "Please connect me with Paris, France." "Hello, oui?" "What?" "Who?" "Oh..." "Yes, yes, OK, I'll accept it." "Hello, Clouseau." "No, he is not here." "He's on vacation." "But I just spoke with him and he told me to arrest Lady Litton immediately." "What?" "Yes." "That's very easy for you to say." "I'd be delighted to, but on what charge?" "It could be embarrassing for me." "She says, "On what charge?" and I do not have the answer!" "What?" "Oh, yes?" "And the same to you!" "Filthy swine!" "Cato, very strange..." "Chief Inspector Dreyfus wants me to arrest her immediately without a charge." "I call back and find that he is not in his office." "Even stranger, I find he's gone away on vacation." "Cato, things are very fishy in Denmark." "Switzerland." "Yes, there too." "No more." "No more!" "I've had enough!" "This time it ends with a bullet in his brain." "Brain?" "Bonjour, madame!" "Breakfast." "Voila!" "Leave it over there." "I'll sign for it later." "How about a little tip?" "Charles!" "Darling!" "All right." "Now, where is it?" "After all these years, you need to ask?" " I'm quite serious." " Oh, I hope so." "You waiters lead such interesting lives." "No, no, not now, please." "Where is it?" "That depends on what you're looking for." "Come on, Claudine, I'm losing patience!" "I shall ask the hotel to send up another waiter." "I should like very much if you would hand me over the Pink Panther, if it is not too much trouble." "How did you find out so quickly?" "Feminine intuition." "I thought it would take you at least another week." "You are very good at what you do." "Thank you." "I was prepared to surrender my body to Clouseau if necessary." "Why did you do it?" "I didn't." "I said I was prepared to." "Aren't you a little bit proud of me?" " You nearly had me killed." " Better than dying of boredom." "Me bored with you?" "Huh!" "I'm sorry, darling." "It's just that I never realised how tedious life could be for a retired jewel thief." "Yuck!" "Clever little beast." "Better than a hotel safe." "Now tell me... how did you find out it was me?" "Well, there's something about a wife..." "even with a beard." "Come on, darling, it's time to get dressed, pack and go home." "Darling..." "Forgive me, madame, but you see before you a very disillusioned man." "Disillusioned, and with a gun." "He's obviously not with the hotel." "No." "Allow me to introduce Colonel Sharki of the Lugash Secret Police." "Oh." "That explains the gun." "I foolishly believed that your husband was a man of integrity." " That was foolish." " Thank you (!" ")" "Your husband and I had an arrangement." "He was to do certain things and if he didn't..." "You were to do...certain things." "Regrettably." "Coffee, darling?" "Sorry, there's only one cup." "I know I'm going to be sorry I asked, but..." "want to give me a for instance?" "First, you'll hand over the Pink Panther." "And second?" " I will be forced to shoot you." " Who's forcing you?" "Open the door in the name of the law!" "Would you, please, sir, answer the door?" "Excuse me, darling." "Lady Litton, I am forced to arrest you?" "!" "If you do not open this door," "I will have to break it down!" "Very well!" "You're all wet!" "A defect in my plumbing." "Lady Litton, listen to me." "I have deceived you." "I am not Guy Gadbois." "I am Inspector Clouseau." "It is my painful duty to arrest you." " Do you know my husband?" " I met him several years ago." "When I meet him again, I shall arrest him immediately!" "Then you must have met Colonel Sharki?" "That idiot from the Lugash Secret Police?" "Yes, I know him." "And when I..." "Sir Charles Litton, I arrest you in the name of the law, and anything you say..." "Before you get all worked up, there's something you must know." "He intends to kill all of us." " Who?" " Colonel Sharki." "Good Sharki, Colonel God!" "We were just talking about you." "As you can see, I've got the whole case buttoned up." "This is Sir Charles Phantom, the famous Pink Litton who stole..." " He's going to kill us?" " Unless you get him to change his mind." " You're joking, of course?" " No." " You're going to kill me as well?" " With pleasure." "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" "Oh, well, there's nothing that I can think of." "Supposing that I thought of something?" "For instance?" "Well..." "For instance, supposing I told you that your fly was undone?" "By a remarkable coincidence, so is yours." "Oh, not again!" "Ah, I see you are familiar with the open fly ploy." "So am I." "You also know the falling on the bed with the arm on the floor ploy." "Interesting." " He's been shot dead, you idiot!" " Don't call me an idiot!" "Be careful, darling." "He's either reloading or out of ammunition." "He's out of his mind, that's what he's out of." "I kill him!" "I kill him!" " Monsieur!" " I kill you!" "Chief Inspector Dreyfus was found not guilty by reason of insanity." "Clouseau, the famous detective, was decorated by General Wadafi." "Then he went back to France, where he took over the position vacated by the madman Dreyfus." "There it is, ladies and gentlemen, the largest diamond in the world." "And surely the most famous, or infamous, if you prefer - the Pink Panther." "And Sir Charles?" "As far as anyone knows, he's living the quiet life in the South of France." "Although there has been a rumour that the Phantom is back at work." "Although it has long been suspected that Sir Charles and the Phantom are one and the same, it has never been proved." "Mark my words, François," "I will definitely prove that Sir Charles Litton is the Phantom." " Did you enjoy your food?" " Yes, sir, very nice." "You probably guessed that I have a passion for oriental food." "Cato usually cooks for me, but recently he's taken to attacking me at every chance." "It's very bad for the digestion." "That is very strange, François." "I don't ever recall receiving a fortune cookie in a Japanese restaurant." " What does it say?" " We shall see." ""Beware of Japanese waitress bearing fortune cookies."" ""Japanese waitress"?" "Cato!" "No, you idiot!" "Oh, I'm so terribly sorry, I..." "Cato, no more!" "Enough, enough!" "Enough, I tell you!" "Take those little yellow hands off me!" "Remember my new position in the force." "You devastated my sukiyaki in there!" "You fool!" "Raving oriental idiot!" "There's a time and place for everything!" "And this is it." "Kill him!" "Kill him!"