"Turn 90 degrees to the left, please." "Turn 90 degrees to the left, please." "Turn 90 degrees to the right, please." "About face." "Try to hold still, please." "is it going to hurt?" "Of course not." "A few photons never hurt anybody." "We didn't do this last year." "That's because last year, I didn't realize what an exciting tool my holo-imager could be in the pursuit of medical knowledge." "is something wrong with me?" "Your health is excellent." "This is just another way to make sure that it stays excellent." "Does my mother have to do this?" "Your mother and everybody else on board." "I've made it part of the annual checkup." "It's quite handy, really." "By attuning the resonance spectrum along a subspace band, I can take an image of my patients all the way down to the subatomic level." "Subatomic level?" "I thought you said this wasn't going to hurt." "I did... and it won't." "There... see?" "Nothing to it." "Try to hold still, please." "Are you making fun of me?" "No." "It'll only take a second to download your images into the medical database, if you'd like to stay for a moment and see what you look like from the inside out." "Why not?" "Here we go." "Handsome fellow." "Hmm." "There's some scar tissue along the base of your lower skull." "Computer, isolate the occipital plexus, magnification 500." "There." "Scarring along the dura mater." "From what?" "An operation." "Computer, isolate the cranial meninges, magnification 100." "More scarring." "No doubt about it, somebody performed neurosurgery." "And that somebody... was me." "These microlinear incisions are a dead giveaway." "I developed that procedure myself." "I don't understand." "I don't remember having an operation." "I'm a little confused as well... because I don't remember performing it." "Who is it?" "The Doctor." "Come in." "I've finished giving the crew their annual physicals." "But as usual, the Captain was a no-show." "Let's get it over with." "Specific complaints?" "None." "How's the crew?" "In good health, for the most part." "I found a nascent alien retrovirus bouncing between personnel on Decks 10 and 1 1, but managed to nip it in the bud." "And there's been a little more wear and tear on Seven of Nine's cranial infrastructure." "I'm going to double her maintenance routine." "Cyto-metabolism is normal." "Endocrine functions functioning." "That's a relief." "I'd like you to drop by Sick Bay at your earliest convenience." "I've adjusted my holo-imager for deep body scans." "You're the only member of the crew who hasn't posed for me yet." "Maybe next week." "It's a fine instrument, really." "I've already discovered something of a mystery with it." "Apparently, I performed a complex neurosurgery on Harry Kim." "According to the isotope decay around the scars, it was 18 months ago." "I don't remember that." "Neither do I, and... neither does the patient." "I checked my medical entries for that period." "There's no mention of surgery." "Could your holo-imager have misinterpreted the scans?" "Possibly." "The computer is double-checking the data now." "I'd also like to run a complete diagnostic on my own program and have a look at my memory files." "B'Elanna and Harry are both busy with the plasma relay repairs." "Let's make sure you're next up on the list." "Thank you, Doctor." "Hello, Seven." "Doctor." "I'm here to ask you a favor." "Another time." "I beg your pardon?" "I am recalibrating the deflector dish." "Come back tomorrow." "I should be finished by then." "Looks like I'm two for two." "Oh, the Captain's acting like she's allergic to me, and now my prized pupil won't even give me the time of day." "State your request." "A little mystery has cropped up-- evidence that I performed surgery on Ensign Kim a year and a half ago, before you came aboard." "The trouble is... I don't remember it." "I wanted you to help me run a self-diagnostic." "I will assist you... in one hour." "Fair enough." "Computer, locate the Emergency Medical Hologram." "The EMH is inactive." "Activate him." "Please state the nature of the medical emergency." "I'm here to assist you, as I agreed." "I've run a preliminary diagnostic of your program." "Your suspicions were correct." "I never asked you to run a diagnostic." "Suspicions?" "What are you talking about?" "You don't recall speaking to me in the Astrometrics Lab one hour ago." "No." "The last I remember, I was completing the yearly physicals." "You mentioned a neurosurgery you performed on Ensign Kim 18 months ago." "Computer, locate the holo-scans I took of Ensign Kim this morning." "Any operation would show up on..." "Unavailable." "That file has been deleted." "Let's have a look at my program." "A deletion in your short-term memory buffer." "Our chat in Astrometrics never got filed." "That's why I can't remember it." "Hmm... lf l were given to paranoia, I'd say someone is trying to keep me from finding out what happened 18 months ago." "Hmm..." "My photo album." "Doctor... I was quite a shutterbug back then." "Not a day went by when I didn't record an image for posterity." "Let's have a walk down memory lane." "Let's have a walk down memory lane." "Meet me on Holodeck 2." "Computer, display all holo-images taken on Stardate 50979." "Those holo-images have been deleted." "Deleted?" "By whom?" "Unknown." "I'm detecting residual photons in the holo-buffer." "It may be possible to partially reconstruct the images." "Try." "I've restored five images." "They are degraded but intact." "Let's see them." "The Mess Hall." "Do you remember this?" "No." "Who is that?" "The Ensign." "It seems to be her birthday." "I've never seen her before." "The Ensign again." "I never went on a shuttle mission with Harry Kim and certainly not with her." "And again." "I've isolated your memory files from Stardate 50979." "They weren't deleted?" "No." "Then why can't I remember them?" "The program was rewritten to deny you access to those memories." "I'm trying to restore them." "Here, here." "Here, here." "Say, "Cheese."" "Cheese." "Cheese." "What happened?" "I was in the Mess Hall." "The files are difficult to localize." "The memories will be out of sequence." "What was that?" "Our sensors are dead." "Make a wish." "They've stopped." "One moment." "Make a wish." "I'm going to kill you." "Ensign, I haven't seen you in months." "The price I pay for staying in good health, I guess." "Acetylcholine-- 25 microliters." "It's not helping." "I'm reading massive synaptic failure." "That doesn't make any sense." "This is the last one." "Say, "Cheese."" "Cheese." "Cheese." "Call the Captain." "I don't recognize this species." "Seven?" "They are unknown to the Borg." "Perhaps these images have been manipulated." "No." "They're real." "The image buffer would've shown signs of tampering." "I have a different theory." "I believe there was an attack on Voyager by this species and all our memories of the event were erased." "This is the unknown crewman I told you about" "Ensign Jetal." "The question is:" "Who was she?" "An alien intruder posing as a Starfleet Ensign?" "Of course, it's impossible to tell from a photograph, but one thing is certain-- we are in immediate danger." "How so?" "Only a few hours ago, as I was beginning this investigation, someone shut down my program and eliminated all my memories of the last 24 hours." "An intruder may be on board." "Run a deck-by-deck security sweep." "Understood." "Report to the Astrometrics Lab and recalibrate the sensors." "See if you can detect any cloaked vessels nearby." "I'll review the medical records of the rest of the crew." "Ensign Kim may not have been the only one who was injured during the attack." "No. I want you to deactivate yourself for now." "We'll erect a security field around the main computer and encrypt all pathways leading to your program." "If someone does try to tamper with you again, I want to be ready." "Captain... lt's for your own safety, Doctor." "Thank you for bringing this to my attention." "You will keep me informed?" "Absolutely." "Dismissed." "Computer... transfer my program from the mobile emitter to the Sick Bay systems." "Transfer complete." "Computer..." "Duplicate all of my memory files recorded within the last 48 hours." "Duplication complete." "Now..." "I'm going off-line." "If my program is altered without my authorization, reactivate me and restore the duplicate memory files." "lnterface with the holo-imaging device." "If anybody enters this room, commence imaging in five-second intervals." "Acknowledged." "Computer, deactivate EMH." "Please state the nature of the medical emergency." "Hello?" "Restoring memory files." "Restoration complete." "Believe me, I was there." "So was I." "Commander Chakotay is correct." "Oh?" "And how would you know?" "In my youth, I studied many forms of martial art, ln my youth, I studied many forms of martial art, including the sumo of Earth." "I've followed the sport ever since." "It was the 77th Emperor's Cup." "Takashi forced Kar-pek out of the circle in less than three seconds." "I had a fifth row seat." "Then you must have been ordering sake, because Takashi's knee broke the sand and the referee gave the match to Kar-pek." "Exactly." "If this is another house call, it'll have to wait." "As you can see, I've got a mutiny on my hands." "A mutiny?" "I suppose that's better than a conspiracy." "Doctor." "Tell her, Captain." "Describe how you tampered with my program, how it was you all along." "Perhaps you should accompany me to Sick Bay, Doctor." "Et tu, Tuvok?" "You're conspiring against me, all of you." "Why?" "In my ready room." "You've been manipulating my program." "Don't deny it." "I don't intend to." "But... the alien ship..." "the intruder..." "Did that attack actually happen?" "Yes." "You were damaged during the incident." ""Damaged"?" "It caused a conflict in your programming that couldn't be resolved." "What kind of conflict?" "I had no choice but to deny you access to your memories of those events." "What kind of conflict?" "!" "If I told you that, I might set the whole thing in motion again." "This "conflict" in my programming..." "Yes?" "that's not good enough." "It'll have to be." "Captain!" "I've made a command decision for your own benefit and the welfare of this entire crew." "I'm not willing to debate it." "How would you like it if I operated on you without your consent or without your knowledge?" "If the operation saved my life?" "I could live with it." "I don't believe you." "You'd feel as violated as I do right now." "Whether you believe me or not is beside the point." "A year and a half ago, the only solution was to rewrite your program." "I have to perform that same procedure now." "That isn't fair." "You're malfunctioning and you need to be repaired." "Return to Sick Bay and wait for my orders." "Doctor." "What's happening?" "What are you doing?" "Lieutenant Torres requires a copy of your most recent memory files, including the backups." "You're going to rewrite my program." "The Captain thinks it's for the best." "I'm sorry." "B'Elanna and Seven are setting up the procedure right now." "In the meantime, you're to brief" "Mr. Paris about any experiments you're performing, any tests." "I'll be filling in while your program's off-line." "Okay." "So, you're running some kind of cell analysis?" "Yes." "Well, let's take a look." "What happened 18 months ago?" "Doc..." "Why won't the Captain tell me?" "She has her reasons." "And you agree with her?" "I was there... and, yes, I agree with her." "Come in." "Are you having a little trouble regenerating?" "My alcove is functioning properly." "I am having trouble with the nature of individuality." "There's a time and a place for philosophical discussion." "2:00 in the morning in my quarters isn't one of them, but I'll tell you what." "Meet me in the Mess Hall tomorrow..." "Tomorrow will be too late." "We'll have already rewritten the Doctor's program by then." "And violated his rights as an individual." "Precisely." "If you've come to act as my conscience, you're a little late." "I considered these issues 18 months ago, as I did again this morning." "I came to the same conclusion." "Your conclusion is wrong." "Coffee, black." "Lukewarm." "Now I've told that replicator a dozen times about the temperature of my coffee." "It just doesn't seem to want to listen... almost as if it's got a mind of its own, but it doesn't." "A replicator operates through a series of electronic pathways that allow it to receive instructions and take appropriate action, and there you go-- a cup of coffee, a bowl of soup, a plasma conduit-- whatever we tell it to do." "As difficult as it is to accept... the Doctor is more like that replicator than he is like us." "than he is like us." "He would disagree." "I'm sure he would, but I can't let that change my decision." "I learned that the hard way when his program almost self-destructed." "I won't take that risk again." "The risk isn't yours to take." "If one of my crew chose to put a phaser to his own head, should I let him?" "It would depend on the situation." "It always depends on the situation, Seven, but we can debate philosophy another time." "When you separated me from the collective, I was an unknown risk to your crew, yet you kept me on board, you allowed me to evolve into an individual." "You're a human being." "He's a hologram." "And you allowed that hologram to evolve as well, to exceed his original programming, and yet, now you choose to abandon him." "Objection noted." "Good night." "It is unsettling." "You say that I am a human being and yet, I am also Borg... part of me not unlike your replicator... not unlike the Doctor." "Will you one day choose to abandon me as well?" "I have always looked to you as my example-- my guide to humanity." "Perhaps I've been mistaken." "Good night." "I'd like to think I made my decision 18 months ago for all the right reasons." "The truth is, my own biases about what you are have just as much to do with it." "At the very least, you deserve to know exactly what happened... if you're willing." "I'm ready." "You're standing on my foot." "I am not." "Shh... lf you ask me, they should have just locked the turbolift..." "Neelix..." "the power's down." "Jetal to Torres." "Uh, go ahead, Ensign." "Or should I say..." "Surprise!" "I'm going to kill you." "I want you to go along on a few of the shuttle surveys... if I can talk you into it." "Another away mission?" "Certainly." "I'm flattered." "I guess the birthday girl and I get the pleasure of your company, Doc." "You launch at 1900 hours," "Shuttle Bay 1." "Hello, Doctor." "Ensign Jetal." "I haven't seen you in months." "The price I pay for staying in good health." "So, keeping busy down on Deck 1 1?" "Too busy." "We're modifying one of the shuttles, making it more maneuverable and more... cool." "Hmm..." "I see you've been working with Mr. Paris." "My condolences." "I thought I picked up a slight distortion in subspace, but it's not there anymore." "Nothing on our long-range sensors, but a few hydrogen atoms." "Candid shot?" "Try to look natural." "At least it's my good side." "Let's get one of the group." "This is the last one." "Say "Cheese."" "Cheese." "Doctor, I have a shuttle to fly." "Ah, yes." "What was that?" "Our sensors are dead." "Power's being drained." "Shields and weapons are off-line." "How?" "!" "Doctor to Voyager." "Mayday." "We're under attack!" "I've got wounded." "Mayday!" "Acknowledged, Doctor." "Set navigational controls to return to Voyager." "Commander, can you hear me?" "Doctor, please respond." "Hello?" "!" "Computer, engage auto navigation." "Lay in a course for Voyager, full impulse." "Doctor..." "Stay calm." "That weapon carried quite a punch." "is she okay?" "She's unconscious." "Voyager..." "We've lost contact." "I sent that alien back to his ship." "You think they'd be grateful." "You should have beamed..." "him... into space." "I'm not in the business of killing people, Ensign." "Synaptic shock...?" "But there was no neural damage." "Mr. Kim!" "I don't understand!" "Oh, no!" "Doctor, stand by for transport." "Beam us directly to Sick Bay." "Prepare these people for surgery." "Here, what happened?" "We were fired on." "There's something wrong with their nervous systems." "We've got to stabilize their synapses." "Get me a choline compound." "Which choline compound?" "It doesn't matter." "Just make sure it's a pure base." "Her spinal cord's deteriorating." "Same rate of collapse." "Acetylcholine-- 25 microliters." "It's not helping." "I'm reading massive synaptic failure." "This doesn't make any sense." "Paris to Engineering." "Transfer all available power to Sick Bay." "Acknowledged." "Some kind of plasmic energy is arcing between their neural membranes." "That weapon..." "it was designed to do this." "To leave a residual charge in the victim's body?" "An energy pulse that remains in the neural membranes, working its way up the spinal cord and into the brain." "They'll be dead in minutes if we don't find a way to stop it." "I've got to protect their brain functions." "His neocortex is failing." "A spinal shunt." "I'll isolate the spinal cord from the brain stem... until I can repair the cellular damage." "But I don't have time to perform the procedure on both of them." "Then talk me through it." "We'll do them together." "It's too complex." "Then make a choice, before we lose them both!" "Subdermal scalpel." "Bioelectric field generator." "His vital signs are stabilizing... lt's working." "Cellular regenerator." "His neural membranes are reestablishing themselves." "Good... good." "The attack... how did it end?" "Were there more casualties?" "We exchanged fire for another few minutes, then the aliens withdrew." "There was only one casualty..." "Ensign Jetal." "I don't mean to seem unfeeling, but I'm programmed to accept the loss of a patient with professional detachment." "We are assembled here today to pay final respects to our honored dead..." "Ensign Ahni Jetal." "Her intelligence and her charm have made our long journey home seem not quite so long." "As she continues on a journey of her own, we will keep her in our hearts... and in our memories." "We're low on synthetic antigens and I'm sorry to report, many of the medicinal plants you've collected over the past several months were destroyed as well." "I have some herbs in storage you might be able to use." "Been holding out on me?" "No." "I was keeping them around just in case." "Good planning." "As for the antigens, I'll have to start replicating them in batches." "Which do you want first?" "Decisions, decisions." "How do you make a decision, Mr. Neelix?" "In general, I mean." "I guess I weigh the alternatives and try to decide which is best." "Which is best?" "How do you determine that?" "I never thought about it, really." "Well, maybe you should-- think about it, I mean." "I guess every situation is a little different." "For me, it's rather simple." "While I'm faced with a decision, my program calculates the variables and I take action." "For example, what could be simpler then a triage situation in Sick Bay?" "Two patients, for example, both injured, for example, both in imminent danger of dying." "Calculate the variables." "My program needs to ascertain which patient has the greater chance of survival, and that's the one I treat." "Oh!" "Oh!" "Simple." "But... what if they have an equal chance of survival?" "What then?" "Hmm?" "Flip a coin?" "Pick a card?" "Doctor..." "Oh, I'm all right." "I'm a hologram." "I don't get injured." "I don't feel pain." "I don't die." "Unlike some people I could tell you about." "For example, two patients, both injured, both in imminent danger of..." "Don't touch me." "I'm a hologram." "Photonic energy." "Don't waste your time." "Neelix to Security." "Send a team to the Mess Hall, please." "A whole team, Mr. Neelix?" "Throwing a little party, are we?" "Why, I attended a party just recently." "A birthday party for a very nice young woman." "I made a decision there, too." "Several of them, in fact." "When I came through the door, do I turn right or do I turn left?" "As I recall, I decided on..." "the latter." "Then, what should I see before me, but the hors d'oeuvre tray?" "And another decision" ""Do I take a canapé..." "or refuse?"" "Oh." "That's an easy one." "I'm a hologram-- l don't eat." "Something's wrong with him." "Don't you know it's rude to refer to somebody in the third person?" "You had a choice, Mr. Neelix" ""Should I do something rude or not do something rude?"" "Doctor, we must return to Sick Bay." "Why should I?" "What if I don't want to return to Sick Bay?" "What if I decide not to return to Sick Bay?" "No. I don't choose this." "Leave me alone!" "Let me go!" "Why did she have to die?" "Why did I kill her?" "!" "Why did I decide to kill her?" "!" "Why?" "!" "Somebody tell me why!" "It was downhill from there." "You developed a feedback loop between your ethical and cognitive subroutines." "You were having the same thoughts over and over again." "We couldn't stop it." "Our only option was to erase your memories of those events." "You were right." "I didn't deserve to keep those memories... not after what I did." "You were performing your duty." "Two patients-- which do I kill?" "Doctor..." ""Doctor"?" "Hardly." "A doctor retains his objectivity." "I didn't do that, did I?" "Two patients, equal chances of survival, and I chose the one I was closer to?" "I chose my friend?" "That's not in my programming." "That's not what I was designed to do!" "Go ahead!" "Reprogram me!" "I'll lend you a hand!" "Let's start with this very day, this hour, this second!" "Computer, deactivate the EMH." "Here we go again." "Captain?" "It's as though there's a battle being fought inside him... between his original programming and what he's become." "Our solution was to end that battle." "What if we were wrong?" "We've seen what happens to him." "In fact, we've seen it twice." "Still... we allowed him to evolve, and at the first sign of trouble..." "We gave him a soul, B'Elanna." "Do we have the right to take it away now?" "We gave him personality subroutines." "I'd hardly call that a soul." "Captain." "I'm having trouble... with the nature of individuality." "You require a philosophical discussion." "There's a time and a place for it." "This is one of them." "After I freed you from the collective... you were transformed." "It's been a difficult process." "Was it worth it?" "I had no choice." "That's not what I asked you." "If I could change what happened... erase what you did to me..." "would I?" "No." "Captain's Log, supplemental." "Our Doctor is now our patient." "It's been two weeks since I've ordered a 'round-the-clock vigil." "A crew member has stayed with him at all times, offering a sounding board and a familiar presence, while he struggles to understand his memories and his thoughts." "The chances of recovery-- uncertain." "The more I think about it, the more I realize there's nothing I could've done differently." "What do you mean?" "The primordial atom burst, sending out its radiation, setting everything in motion." "One particle collides with another, gases expand, planets contract and before you know it, we've got starships and holodecks and... chicken soup." "In fact, you can't help but have starships and holodecks and chicken soup, because it was all determined 20 billion years ago!" "There is a certain logic to your logic." "Progress?" "I'm not sure if he's making any sense of this experience, or if his program's just running in circles." "You've been here for 16 hours." "Let me continue while you rest." "I'll be all right." "Go back to the Bridge." "How can you read at a time like this?" "It helps me think." "Think?" "What do you need to think about?" "You." "This book is relevant to your situation." "Oh?" "What is it?" "Poetry... written on Earth a thousand years ago-- La Vita Nuova." "La Vita Nuova-- "The New Life"?" "Ha!" "Tell that to Ensign Jetal." "Actually... I killed her countless times." "I killed her countless times." "What do you mean?" "Causality, probability." "For every action, there's an infinite number of reactions, and in each one of them, I killed her!" "Or did I?" "Too many possibilities... too many pathways for my program to follow... impossible to choose..." "Still, I... I can't live with the knowledge of what I've done." "I can't." "Captain?" "Captain?" "Oh, sorry." "How could you sleep at a time like this?" "Well, it's been a long day." "You were saying...?" "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "You're ill." "I have a headache." "Fever." "You have" "a fever." "l'll live." "Medical emergency!" "Doctor..." "Someone's got to treat you immediately." "Call Mr. Paris." "You've got to get to Sick Bay!" "Doctor... I'm a little busy right now... helping a friend." "I..." "I'll be all right." "Go." "Sleep." "Please." "I'll still be here in the morning." "Sure?" "Yes." "Please." "I don't want to be responsible for any more suffering." "Good night." "If you need anything... I'll call." "Thank you, Captain." ""ln that book which is my memory..." ""On the first page of the chapter" ""that is the day when I first met you..." "Appear the words, 'Here begins a new life."'"