"" "Whatwasthat?" "Meandmy brotherwerelike , we'djustgot outoftheshower, andhewasabout 2yearsyoungerthanme." "And... while my mom wasliketakingcareofhim because he's like tiny." " I was like in the living room, - 5." " drying off, watching TV." " 4, 3..." "Ina Miami,Florida, courtroomtoday, formerPanamaniandictator, ManuelNoriega" " Hey, Chris." " Whoever the newscaster was startskindof getting myattention..." " Chris." " Saying like, "Hey, Chris." "Hey, Chris."" "Hey,Chris." " And it's saying, "Don't worry."" "Don'tworry." "Everything'sgonnabe okay." "Andoneday, we'llbeback." "Itterrifiedme ." "I remember screaming to get my mom, bringingherto theTV,  whonowwasbacktodoing  likenormalnewscasting, because that's, you know, what it was." "And... her basically explaining to me, like," ""TVs don't talk to you." "That's ridiculous."" "I'm disenchanted, because now I thought something really cool happened, and... that's not a thing I remember," "I know it was there." "And, you know, I was wide awake." "I had literally just gotten out of the shower, and it was this very... overwhelming experience for me because now... as a five-year-old," "I..." "I didn't know where I belonged." "St. Louis, Michigan" "Jeff R." "Okay." "Set." "Sohowdidthisstart,Jeff?" "Um, probably about" "10 years ago." "My girlfriend at the time and I were talking about different paranormal stories, and... and she started telling me about... me about how sometimes she'd wake up in the middle of the night, just, like, unable to move or breathe and..." "She said it felt like... there's like an evil presence in the room with her, and they would just, like-- kind of, like, torment her and..." "And she would eventually wake up, and it'd be like it was just a dream." "After she told me that," "I didn't really know what to make of it." "I was like, "Okay, I got involved with some crazy girl."" "And..." "I just kind of changed the subject, started talking about something else." "Then..." "About a week later, I laid down to go to sleep." "Andjustas Istarted todriftoff," "Ifeltmy body justbecomeextremelyheavy." "ItwaslikeIfell asleep, butthenwokeup atthesameinstant." "Andmywholebody startedtingling." "Itfeltlike reallyweighteddown, likesomethingwaspullingme." "And..." "I heard this, like, sound." "It wasn't like outside of my head, but it was just like inside of my head." "It's sounded like a washing machine that's kind of out of balance or something, just banging against the wall." "And... just really terrified me." "I kind of started like... freaking out, and like, started seeing things." "And it was really bizarre." "Well,whatdidyou see ?" "Um, it was kind of like-- it was kind of like..." "Allthesedifferentcolors, like a... laserlightshow orsomething, like,I waslike flying through, like, a time warp." "Ithadalltheselike colors just,like,shootingatme ina lightingshow." "AndI hadfoundthatIhad  zerocontrolovermybody ." "Like,nomatterhow hard Itried," "Icouldn'tmovemyarms , mylegs." "Nothing." "And so..." "I really started to kind of have a panic attack becauseI didn'tknow whatwasgoingon." "IthoughtIwas dead." "Ithoughtit waslike astrokeor something." "Nothingworked." "Icouldn'tmove." "I had no control over anything." "FinallyI decided,well," "I'mjustgonnatry tobuildup allthestrength that I have in me, just to get myself to roll over onto my girlfriend." "Hopingthat it wakes her up." "Soit'sjustlike thislast-ditcheffort ofeverythingIhad ," "Ijustlike, wrenchedmybody." "As soon as I like...  flipped over on top of her, I woke up." "AndI wasstilllaying inmyoriginalposition likenoneof it hadhappened." "Iwasjustcompletelyshocked." "Ihadno idea whatwasgoingon." "And ..." "Ijustdidnot know whattomakeofit." "After that, it was like... constantly, night after night after night for... a couple weeks, maybe even a month or so." "And..." "I just did not know how to process it at the time." "And so, finally, I told my girlfriend about it." "I was like, "okay, this is what's happening to me."" "I think I need to go to the doctor." "I think I'm having strokes, like mini-strokes, or seizures maybe even." "And she's like, "No, that's exactly what happens to me." "And.." "that was what I was trying to tell you about."" "Elizabeth, New Jersey" " Ana M. - Iwasabout29yearsold." "Mm-hmm." "Andherein thisroom," "Um." "As I would lay down to sleep," "Ijuststartfeeling tingling in my feet, and then I would feel it rise up my legs..." "Up my torso, on my hands." "And I would also hear buzzing." "You know, like bees buzzing." "That's when these episodes would start." "Iwouldfeeltingling andI wouldget" "AndI 'dfeeltheenergy." "I felt that my mind was awake, but my body was stiff." "I... try to move my head from side to side." "I just-- I couldn't move." "Andinthatmoment," "Iwouldheartapping onthewindow." "They would tap here." "I would hear tapping." "And I'm thinking, "well, maybe it's just a squirrel or a raccoon."" "But it was like a pattern." "It was definitely a knock." "And I would open my eyes, and I'd look toward the window, and then it would stop." "But after a while," "I started feeling an actual presence." "And I would feel this presence, right next to me trying to take my soul out." "It would torture me at night, and I would try and fight it, butI feltIwas-- likemybodyfeltparalyzed." "It was just so strong that I would just let go, and then I would feel myself... floating in the air." "And I could try and see myself, but I would just see a blur." "Um..." "Andithappened formanyyears." "And um..." "When I was pregnant with my daughter, and I felt the baby as well, trying to come out." "But I was trying to fight it, and I was saying, "No." "No."" "So I would pull back." "It's like if I would pull back." "And it would pull, you know, the other way." "New York, New York" "When I was in my mid to late 20s." " Kate A. - Ihadareallyawfulbreakup." " Kate A. - I was miserable because I was so brokenhearted." "And I started my first teaching job around the same time, so I was super stressed-out from that." "I would just see this, like, dark figure by the bookshelves," "And then I could not move, and it was fucking terrifying." "I didn't know it was happening." "I did think that somebody had broken into my apartment at first, because at that point, my roommate and I lived" "I had a roommate then--." "We lived on 4th street, and we were on the top floor of the building." "And our building was really easy to get into." "Like, the door in from the balcony to like our apartment didn't really lock, So I was..." "So I think..." "I was like, "Oh, fuck." "Somebody actually broke in."" "To be lying there and like know," "I want to move, and I'm trying to move, and I cannot-- absolutelyterrifying." "I'vealwayshadaproblem withstatesof consciousness." "Slipping in and out of different states of consciousness." " Korinne W. - And..." " Korinne W. - I do remember..." " Korinne W. - When I was very, very young-- 2, 3, I was still in a crib." "And there was a plug-in night light, anditwasthat orange cast color." "Anditwasall dark exceptforthatorangecast ," "Andtheroomturnedred,  andI feltlikesomething wascomingafterme,  andI cuddleddown andcoveredmyself." "It was my earliest memory of the scariness that happened to me and continued to happen." "Laying down to go to sleep," "I would feel utterly exhausted, almostasif  Ihadjustbeendrugged." "Imean,youknow, havingbeenin thehospital," "Iunderstandwhatthat'slike ." "It'sjustlike Ihadbeeninjected." "Andmyeyessealedshut ." "Mymouthsealedshut." "Andit'sas if everything wasshuttingdown, exceptformy awareness, myconsciousness." "AndthenIcouldfeel  avibration." "Sometimes it was so intense, it felt like being electrocuted, butitwasdefinitely anelectricalvibration." "I began hearing voices and screams and crying..." "Andallof this really emotional drama." "Yellingtocrying, butallnegativeemotion, allofthesedifferentvoices." "Andthenthatiswhen  theshadowman would come toward me." "Stupid,stupid,stupid, stupid,stupid!" "Stupid!" "Andhelookedjustlike  athree-dimensionalshadow, outlined, just perfect." "And he would walk..." "Disjointed." "And... he brought the vibration with him." "It'sasif  itwasemanatingfromhim." "Andhewouldcometowardsme, andI wouldjustfeelthat ." "Hear--hear" "Iwouldhear allthesoundsofhell ." "Idon'tknow anyotherwaytoputit." "andfeelhisawfulvibration." "AndI wouldhave afight/flightresponse," "AndI wouldcompletely, youknow,freakout , andtryto screamorgetaway." "Andmanytimes, theintensityjustcontinued." "I was very scared, and I was upstairs, and I didn't feel like anybody was gonna get to me if I screamed." "It's very dark." "And it scared me forever." "I mean, it really... scared me to the end of my wits." "And if anything was gonna drive me insane, it was gonna be that." "Manchester, England" "What happens is..." " Stephen P. - when you're falling asleep," " Stephen P. - that you'll get an electrical shock through your body just as you're falling asleep, and... that's the usual indication that you're gonna have a visit that night." "Thenyou'llfallasleep, you fall asleep." "andthenyou'llwakeup, and... totallyparalyzed, you can't move." "Um, and..." "There's static in the room." "And you're being visited." "They'll circle your bed, and now and again, they'll try and touch you." "Thefirstone isa genericshadowperson, whichisjustbasically anoutlineof me andyou" "Ona sunnyday,ontheside..." "onthepavement, onthesidewalk" "Ina 3-Dform." "Andthesecond..." "Thesecondentity, whichisthehat man , seemstohaveadirectlink tothem." "He's--he'savery authoritarianfigure." "He'sverymenacing." "He'svery-- he'sinchargeofthem ." "Hisminions, sotospeak." "And,um..." "They're a team." "It's hell." "He's awful, awful, awful." "It all starts with that electrical shock." "New York." "New York" " Chris C. - I have like two separate lives." "I have my life like, we're here talking about it," " Chris C. - and it's cool and I go to work." " Chris C. - And then when I go to bed," "I have this whole other life that I have to deal with." "When it first started, it was pretty intermittent." "It wasn't every day." "Don't know the age." "Around this time." "Mybrotherdidn'tlive withusanymore, andI hadmy room alltomyself." "And..." "It'skindof funny 'causeI canremember mybedhadcollapsed, ontoa boxof beaniebabies thatmymomcollected." "Mymomwasabigcollector." "Andsomy bedkindofpivots, right?" "Ontopof thisthing there'sa frame, thebedpivoting." "AndI remember thebedwaspivoted, onthisparticularnight, withmyfeet closertotheground andmyheadhigherup, likea seesaw." "AndI remember theparalysisstarts, and..." "I can see the door frame." "LikeI canseelikea..." "I'mlookingdirectlyat- - youknow, I'mlookingat awall, andthedoorisrighthere." "So,here'sabed ,there'sme, then straight forward, there's the door that exits, right?" "And there's the light from the hallway." "AndI rememberseeing, you know, your traditional darkness, your, you know, everything kind of exists in shadows." "Imean,it all, it all looks like it's moving." "Allthedarknesslooksalive." "ButI rememberseeing..." "People,beings, whatever," "Justcomingin ." "Theyjust-- theylook-- theylooklikea--  ifa personweretowalk  infrontof alight, andtheirshadow weretofollowthem, theylookedlikeanalmost" "moreshadow-likeversion ofa shadow." "Like..." "and kind of..." "Just..." "Didn't do anything." "Like, I remember now... that they would-- they just-- shadows moving in, like,theywould kindofintersectthe light." "I actually-- I remember this... kindofwellnow ,because I was on  this weird tilt, so it wasn't just me looking up, or, like, being able to kind of see around." "This was me looking straight at the door." "And..." "just seeing these things." "I remember in the paralysis," "I thought that they were real." "And I always think they're real." "Even to this day, I think these things are real in some sense, um..." "But when I woke up, they weren't there." "It was definitely the first time that..." "I saw something that made me think that... this was more than just... a sleep disorder." "Costa Mesa, California" " Connie Y. - I do remember" " Connie Y. - it happening as far back as when I was a little girl." "As far back as maybe 5 or 6 years old." "And then... thesamethinghappened when I was about 15." "During that time, I was a rebellious teenager," "So..." "I was really out of control and feelinglike, unloved and stuff." "Idon'tknowhow  Igotthatway , butitwaskindoflike abrokennessinside," "Like..." "I wasjustbroken, spirituallybroken." "Andthattime,Iwasin a two-story home  in Torrance, thecityof Torrance." "Itwasin themiddleofthenight,  but I was wide awake." "LikeI wasliterallywideawake." "Myeyeswereopen." "ButI couldnowfeel thispresence, thisevilpresencebehindme." "Lying on my side, like on my left side." "I'm a side sleeper." "And then the door is behind me." "And uh..." "And then..." "I could feel the presence justrightbehindme." "And I remember just trying to, wanting to move and turn around, butI couldnotliftafinger." "Again,itwas..." "Iwasjustfrozen..." "Utterlyinterror." "Anditwasthe-- ifI coulddescribewhatdeath would feel like." "And it's a kind of horror that is worse than like in the movies." "Um, it's an icy-cold, kind of... darkevil, something's in the room, andit'swatchingme." "That's the scary part." "Thatit'syoufeelasense  thatit'swatchingyou ." "Andit's-- and it's" "And it's..." "making you feel afraid." "And it wants you to feel afraid." "Los Angeles, California" "I was a year and a half old, probably." " Forrest B. - And I was..." " Forrest B. - born and raised in Rural Vermont in an old farmhouse about 100, 100-plus years old," "And I was in the middle of the woods." "So it was very dark and very quiet, justpitchsilence, which,youknow, itselfkindof hasasound." "And uh..." "So here I am, I'm a baby." "I wake up and I can't move." "I'm in my crib." "And... so I'm surrounded by the bars of the crib on all sides." "And above me, at the end of the crib, before the window," "Are2 anthropomorphic... kindof,beings,Iguess." "Best word to describe them." "I still remember them vividly because it's actually my first memory." "So in a way, it's kind of my awakening into the world." "Dark." "They always just look so cartoony." "And I've tried to draw them before, and it just looks so goofy." "It just doesn't have, uh, the same malevolent impact." "And their skin, was like television static." "You know, it had, you know-- like an old TV, when the signal's-- when you're not getting a good signal." "It had that same kind of texture, thatkindof" "They were... tall, kind of thin." "These kind of thin limbs and these long fingers." "And they had these very simple faces, almost cartoonish faces of," "You know." "These two inky eyes and this big... inky smile on their face." "That's kind of... it's tickling, tickling, tickling fingers," "These like long..." "slender..." "They were laughing." "And here's my little feet, you know." "They were tickling me." "And, you know." "I was paralyzed." "I couldn't move, and I couldn't stop them." "Andtheywerelaughing aboutit." "There was kind of like laughter." "Like, ah-ha-ha." "They were like, there, you know?" "And bars," "These two anthropomorphic things, the windows." "You know, according to my parents" "ButI kepton repeating thewords"zines."" "Like, z-i-n-e-s, over and over again, in like kind of a panic." "Like, kind of like, "zines, zines, zines,"" "You know, like, hanging on to them." "And so maybe as a child." "You know." "Seeing these kind of anthropomorphic sort of not human but human-- uh..." "So I wouldn't sleep in my crib again." "My parents tried to put me in my crib, and I just wouldn't do it." "I would just scream and scream and scream and scream and scream." "I made this as a Halloween costume some years ago." "Now you're staring into my childhood right now." "I don't know." "Is it scary?" " It's a Thing " "Didyouseekany medicalhelp ?" "No, because I didn't think I was going crazy." "I knew what I was experiencing was real." "I didn't want someone else to come and tell me," ""Well, no, that's not real."" "Didyouseekany kindofhelp?" "Didyoutrytodoanything tokeepit fromhappening?" "Did I get an exorcist?" "No, I did a Google search." "Igoton theinternet veryearly" "Comparedtomostpeople, inabout'94maybe." "I'mtotallyguessing." "'94,' 95." "Andoneof thevery firstthingsIlookedup, was" theshadowman" and" nightmare."" "And from there, in the search engines, it wasn't very far down the page-- sleep paralysis." "Iwaslike,wait, sleepfrozen,sleepparalysis." "AndI calledmy momup rightaway." "Isaid,"Oh,mygosh ,mom,  it'ssleepparalysis." "That'swhattheycallit." "It'sa thing."" "She was very excited, too," "And she wanted to understand more about it because she felt that maybe something medical could be done so that we no longer had it." "Because when the scientists figure it out," "They figure out a medicine to go with it, right?" "So we felt that we would actually have answers and medication or something to make it better." "I called a doctor and made an appointment." "And came in, and explained to them what was going on, and my doctor said... that she was kind of concerned that maybe I was having seizures while I was sleeping." "So she set me up for a CAT scan, an EEG and all that." "So I went in for those, and my results for the CAT scan were normal, but the EEG came back with" "Said I had abnormal results." "That's all she said." ""You have some abnormal readings."" ""You have sleep paralysis." "It's just caused by stress."" ""So if you just make some lifestyle changes," "It'll go away."" "Well, you get a cut-and-paste answer from doctors," ""You're stressed."" ""Change your lifestyle,"" "Without asking what your lifestyle is." "There's no answer." "It's just a dismissal of-- basically, they don't know." "And if they don't know, then they don't-- they don't care." "Every time I would talk to a psychiatrist, I'd be like," ""I'm having this sleep problem." "This is what happens." "This what it feels like."" "They'd be like, "Okay, okay." "Tell me about, like, you know, how are you doing at home?"" "And I would always try to be like, "No, no, no," "Let's talk about... this hideous sleep problem I have."" "She seemed really interested." "She sort of leans in." "And she's like, "It's not sleep apnea."" "And I was like, "I know that."" "And she just said, "That's really messed up."" " Sometimes They Come Back. " "Iremember,like," "The following night afteritwouldhappen," "I'dlayin bedbeingsoscared that it was gonna happen again." "Andthen,mostassuredly, itwouldhappenagain 'causeI wasthinkingaboutit andobsessingaboutit." "Like, when I'd go through these dry spells." "Basically, where I wasn't having it, if I started telling somebody about it," "Then it was, like, almost 100% guaranteed that I was gonna have it that night." "This is in our college apartment." " Okay." " So, I was here." "Ihadmy bedrighthere ..." "And then my roommate... was right here." "Andtheblobs" "I saw these black blobs" "Icouldseethem." "Blobsofblack, comingontomy bed." "AndI couldseemyroommate, justinthecornerover there." "AndI wastrying toscreamhername sothatshecouldhelp me." "Andshe'ssleepingaway, andI 'mstrainingto talk." "Andnothingcancomeout." "I'm a diver." "And..." "I've experienced..." "Well,beenclosetodeath quitea fewtimes." "I'm a deep diver." "But nothing's as terrifying, as... what happens, and I have it once or twice a week." "WhenI wasabout10 iswhenit startedtohappen, everysinglesolitaryday  ofmylife." "Nobody ever really took me entirely seriously, you know." "Even though I was a petrified little boy." "You know, terrified to be alone, hated my bedroom, hated the room below my bedroom, and had sleep paralysis probablyeverynight." "Youknow, hadvoicestalkingtome in the sleep paralysis, very abusive experiences." "" Hey, Forrest."" " Hey, Forrest." " "Hey, Forrest."" "Youjustwonthe  giant insect of the month club." "Insectofthemonthclub ." "We'resendingyourfirstprize uptoyourbedroomrightnow." "You know, and again, it goes back to the fact that," "You know, because it wasn't like a real experience-- if somebody had come into my bedroom, and some creepy guy was whispering to me every night." "You know, my parents would definitely have done something about it." "But the farthest they went was kind of being like," ""Well, maybe we should take him to a psychologist?" "No."" "Iwastryingtofall asleep." "Ifeltthisoverwhelming pressurecomeoverme." "And my breathing just stopped." "Mybodywastrying tokindof tellme," ""I'mgonnakillmyselfnow." "And...youhavethe option tostopthat."" "IfI wantto continue tobreathe," "Ihaveto activelyoverride whateverelseis goingon." "Ihave2options... eithertryto breakfree oftheparalysis or..." "I breathe." "You know, that was kind of the beginning, and that was the beginning of me... being afraid of, not going to sleep, but, you know, I would just pressure myself, to wait till exhaustion to fall asleep, for the most part," "'cause after that, it just never stopped, um..." "kind of ever." "You know, I'll get it justaboutanywhere." "Some places will be much worse." "Andthevoiceisdifferent..." "by place." "Um..." "I had an apartment in..." "Boston." "I lived in Jamaica Plain in Boston for a while above a pizza place, and I would always hear this middle-aged woman singing in a baby's voice there," "Like, lah..." "lah..." "lah..." "This..." "gradually faded away until I..." "pretty much almost forgot" "I had ever experienced it." "And I... thought I was good, finally over." "It was just a phase I was going through, and now it's done." "One afternoon, I was up doing housework, and was kind of tired, and I figured I'll lay down and take a nap, because I'm gonna go out with some friends later on tonight." "So..." "I went, laid down, and ... set the alarm on my phone, checked, saw the time, andjustlikekindofthrew it onthenightstandnexttome , and just laid down." "And..." "As I started to fall asleep, I... felt, like, this tingling sensation come over me, and since I had been dealing with it so long, it was kind of like a familiar feeling, itwaslikethe warningsign ," ""Okay,sleepparalysis isaboutto happen."" "I'd be like, my body would tingle, start to feel heavy." "I'd see, like, all these pixilated colors, and so I set myself up to wake myself up, kind of shake it off." "So then... it felt like it went away." "So I just like." "You know, look at it." "Picked up my phone, looked at the time, okay... laid back down and started going to sleep." "And just as I fell asleep, my phone rang." "AndsoIlaidthere fora second." "Iwaslike,"do Ianswerit, don'tI answerit ?"" "Justfellasleep, andnowsomebody's wakingmeup ." "Sofinally,Igavein andI answeredit ." "Igrabbedmy phone." ""Hello?"" "WhenI didthat, thepersonon theotherend ofthelinesaid,"hello,"" "and then they said something else I couldn't really make out 'cause it was all staticky and cutting out." "SoI said, "Ican'tunderstandyou ." "You'rebreakingup ." "There'sa badconnection."" "Isaid,"Hello,"again, andI waslike," ""you'rebreakingup ." "Ican't, like, hear you."" "Andso, finally I... tryingtomakeout what theyweresayingand whatnot." "And I decided that..." "I'mup." "I'm gonna go get a cigarette." "You know." "So, I got up, just talking to him, like, "Hello, hello?"" "AndthenfinallyI'd walked outintothelivingroom , and just as I got out in the living room," "It...became, theconnectionclearedup and the person on the other end was like this very pleasant man." "He was like, "Hello." "Iwaswondering ifyoucoulddomeafavor. "" "What kind of favor?" "Letmein ." "Ifreakedout." "You know." "I was, like, there's a demon ontheotherend ofmyphone andI..." "Iwantednothingto dowiththis." "SoI threwmy phone acrosstheroom anditbrokeintopieces, theneverythingaroundme justwentintocompletechaos." "They'rejustlike-- almostlikean earthquakehit ." "It's like, everything was shaking anddarkand..." "Mywholebody startedvibrating." "Itfeltlike somethingwastryingtolike  ripmeoutofmyself, kindoflikepullmysoulout." "Youknow, justliketryingtoprocessthis,  like,what'sgoingon,  youknow, justabsolutelyterrified." "And so like, the only thing I could think to do was I just started praying." "You know." "Iwas,like,"god, ifyou'rethere,helpme." "Idon'tknowwhat'shappening." "Just,please, somebodyhelpme ."" "AndassoonasI ..." "said that," "I felt like somebody just grabbed me from behind, just, like, yanked me back, like, down the hall, and just, like, slammed me back into my body." "And, like, I hit my body, and I, like, sat up instantly and, like, looked around, and was like..., "Did that just happen?" "Was..." "Was that real?"" "And so the first thing I did was to grab my phone, you know." "I'm like looking through, "okay, who did I just talk to?" And... like, no." "There is no missed calls or no answered calls or nothing, and I looked at the time, and it had only been, like, two minutes since I initially laid down to go to sleep." "Um, I did tell my mom, and she just kind of told me I'm nuts." "She's like, "it was a bad dream." "It happens all the time."" ""No, mom." "It wasn't a dream."" " Screen Memories " "Iwasin 7th or8thgrade, about' 87or'88." "AndI saw..." ""A nightmare on Elm Street" with my mother, thank goodness,  on cable." "And... she was like, "oh, my gosh!" "Thisislikeour dreams," and I was like, "yeah, I know."" "Sowedefinitelyagreed onthat." "AndI keptwatchingitbecause Iwantedto findsomeclues, someanswer towhatwasgoingon." "Andofcourse,theymention alittlebitofmyth  inthemoviebut ... not enough to really research." "Did you ever read about the Balinese way of dreaming?" "No." "They got this whole system they call dream skills." "They get all their art and literature from dreams, just wake up and write it down." "Dreamskills." "What if they made a monster in their dreams, then what?" "When I was-- you know, we had HBO when I was little, and my dad was very liberal with letting us watch whatever we wanted to watch on HBO." "Oncehewaswatchingamovie , and I just kind of wandered in." "Ididn'treallyknow whatthemoviewas ." "Andthenuh ..." "And then this, uh..." "Creatureemerges frombehindadresser." "Andit'slike-- it'sanalien." "Andit'slikethe-- itwasthemovie"communion,"" " with uh." " "What's his face?"" "Theguy whowasin thedancingvideo." "Idon'tknow." "ChristopherWalken." "Yeah,exactly." "ChristopherWalken." "And..." "when I saw that face..." "Mymindimmediatelydrew aparallel to the things I had experienced asa child, andI waspetrified." "Iremember justbeingpetrified." "And-- andthen,youknow-- butI stayedwatching asthis,like,littlekid." "And,youknow, theseimagesIremember asincrediblyshockingimages tome,as achild." "Becauseitwas thefirsttimethat thekindof things thatI hadseen alignedwithsomething... that... that was known about orwasexplored." "A bunch of people came over, and they're like," ""let's watch this 'insidious' movie."" "And I was like, "yeah, sure, why not?" "Like." "I don't care," and, like.., and like about 20 like minutes into the movie," "I'mlike,"Thisisaboutsleep  paralysis,I 'mprettysure."" "Iwaslike,"Alright, that'skindof cool." "Somebodymade ahorrormovieaboutit."" "When, you know, the dude's, like, in the chair, he just goes into this world, and he's searching for the kid." "They'repullingfrom somanydifferentparts ofsleepparalysislore." "Theshadowman." " Out of Body Experiences - Ikeptleavingmybody ." "Thenighthag." "Theoldhag." "I sat there and, like, just kind of getting annoyed." "I..." "I mean, I don't even know why, like." "It wasn't like, "this movie sucks!"" "I mean, it was-- it was okay." "And then, all of a sudden, they do, like, the head shaking thing, like this, like, weird" "You know." "It was in "Jacob's Ladder," and it freaked me out." "Like." "I was like, "that's exactly how it feels." It's like..." "And that was the first time I ever..." "I saw somebody represent what it feels like-- or I guess, not what it feels like or-- what it feels like it looks like to be in it, like when I'm coming out, like, sometimes" "myjawwill,like, justfuckinggo back andforthrealquick, or,like,my headwillshoot fromsideto side." "Andit'swhatIimagine itlookslike." "Evenmygirlfriend, shewaslike, you know, "Those weird head movements, like, that's kind of what it's like for me to watch, you know, except not magically blurry."" "That's the sleep paralysis." "Hey, it's got to be." "Yeah,I hadmy own sleepparalysisepisode, and,well,in thatone , itwassortoflike aclassic" "3-dimensional, blackshadowman, whocameup in thewoods behindmyhouse,and  leanedovermy bed." "AndI think maybea yearor twolater," "Isaw"NaturalBornKillers."" "Andthere'sascene, and it goes by just in a flash, wherethatguyis, like, intheopeningcredits," "He'scomingthrough,like, thisstrangeredtunnel, cloudyvortexthing." "Ithinkit 'soverthe credit of" producerArnonMilchan."" "Butitwentbyinaflash,  anditmusthavebeen  kindofcomplicated tocallintoexistence." "SoI waslike, "whywasthatthere?"" "AndI stilldidn'tknow whatsleepparalysiswas ." "I didn't know that anyone else had had it." "So I saw that and almost kind of took it as a message, like, "the people who made this film had the same experience that I did."" "And it's kind of like... a signal to me in some-- some strange, scary way." "No, it's true." "I mean." "It was kind of the same as a child." "It was very validating." " Mechanisms of Avoidance " "I never thought it was my mind playing tricks on me." "I just knew something bad was always happening to me." "And I didn't" " I didn't know what to do about it." "I've prayed my whole life." "I still pray." "I'm a very spiritual person." "However, praying never made it go away, even when I was within the attack." "I would pray within the attack, and still, no help." "I started exercising, started eating better, cut back on caffeine and doing all that kind of stuff, and... just no matter what I did, though, it was-- it had absolutely no effect on the sleep paralysis," "and it just kept happening night after night after night." "I finally decided to go to one of these ladies that read cards, and she says," ""I can't look into your house." "I'm trying to look into your house, but..." "I see this black shadow over it."" "I thought I was abducted by aliens for a long time, years, years and years and years." "BeforeI wentto bed everynight," "Iwouldlayinmybed andclosemy eyes andjustpray, "Nottonight." "Nottonight, nottonight,nottonight, nottonight,nottonight."" "And I would just repeat it over andoverandoverinmy head,  asifIhad some kindofpsychicbond withmyalienabductors andthatIcouldcommunicate withthemtelepathically, andjustpleadwiththem , tomaketonightnot the night" "thattheywouldcomeback  anddothattome." "Overtheyears, Iwouldfind differentmechanisms toavoidsleepparalysis." "Inoticedthatitwouldn't happeneverynight ifcertainrequirements weremet, like,ifIwould-- like,therewouldbe, like, aTVin my room." "AndifIleftiton , itwasforsomereason itwaseasierfor menot togethitbytheparalysis." "And, you know, younger me thought it was maybe that little high-pitched noise, tbs make when you leave them on, so I would leave it on overnight on mute for that little high-pitched noise." "Eventually,thatstopped workingafteraboutayear ." "SoI decided, like," Youknowwhat?" "IfoneTV worked, whatabouttwo?"" "AndI usedto collectjunk, soTVs,like,wereplentiful." "Andtwoworked fora littlewhile." "AndI justescalated withthatforawhile, 'causeI 'mprettysmart, apparently." "No,itmademelook like  acrazypersonuntiloneday," "Irealizedthat evenifthiswas aproblem." "Thiswasnotafunctionalway of,like,dealingwithit." "So I just removed all the TVs at that point from my room, and." "You know, all it did was leave me with a much stronger and more elaborate sleep paralysis." "And that's kind of the thing that I've realized is... if you have it every day and you have multiple episodes a day, it will kind of learn how to adapt to you." "Like, if you try to, like, avoid it, it will find you, and it will make it happen somehow." " Now it Hurts " "And..." "Another time," "I actually felt it go on the bed." "You know, it was as if it's climbing up." "I was laying there, and it came here." "I..." "just closed my eyes." "Anditwasontopofme,  and it was-- it's like I was having sex with this thing." "And I said, "oh, my god, this can't be real." "This can't be real."" "This demonic thing, and I don't know, why am I feeling this?" "What else is gonna happen next?" "But it happened." "Didyouseeanything?" "I didn't see anything." "It was just the feeling." "And then it was gone again." "A lot of firsts all happened in one night." "When the pain started happening, the hallucinations got more vivid, and I started to be able to be interacted with." "AndI godirectlyintothis  very,youknow,luciddream." "Irememberthearchitecture ofthis.." "world,ofthisdream, itwasjustveryangular, andI 'mjust kindofwalkingonit." "Therewere,like,stairs thatwentdowntoplaces thattheyshouldhavethought outa littlebitbetter." "AsI waswalkingaround," "Irememberakid  thatI wasfriendswith growingup inelementaryschool, myonlyfriend fromelementaryschool comesupto me , andhisnamewas Danny." "Andbehindhim isthisgiganticdude withreallycrazy orangehair." "AndDannysays,"Thisishim." "CanI gonow?"" "Andhejustleaves theguywithme." "Andherepeats, "YouknowwhoIam . "" "Istartthinkingoflike ." "WhyI don'tknowyou ,Idon't." "Istartlistingplaces." ""DoI knowyoufromschool?" ""DoI knowyou fromMcDonald's?"" "'CauseI usedto work atMcDonald's." ""DoI rememberyoufrom TheComicBookDepot?"" "Whichwasmy comicbookstore." "Andhejustkeepsongoing ," ""No." "ButyouknowwhoI am. "  Onelasttime." "Andthentheentireworld justdisappears, andI 'minthestrongest sleep-paralysisepisode" "I'veeverhadinmylife." "Like,I cannotmove." "Like,I can'teven trytoforcemyselfoutofit." "Like,thatlittlewiggleroom  Igetsometimes justwasn'tthere." "Anditfeltlike Iwascompletelyconstrained, youknow,fully, tothepointwhere I'mjusttryingtobreathe, becauseI don'tknow whatelseto do ." "Immediatelyafterthat dreamdrops, andeverything'sgone, hekindof fizzlesaway." "Andthiswasthe first experiencewithpain." "IfI hadto describeit,  picturelike aclaw-machinegame." "Youknow,three-- threelittlethings." "And that's when the pain starts coming." "The worst one is when it's around, like, you know, my fucking dick." "AndI stillfeltthe pain afterI wokeup ." "Ididnotgo backtosleepthatnight," "Iremember, andI thinkIjustplayed videogames untilthemorning andkindof questioned myexistence." "Like,I justremember beinglike," ""andthisis differentnow , andnowit hurts, andnowthere's adudetalkingtome."" "And, like," "I...thatwaskindofwhenI started tofeelalittlecrazy." "Like,I startedto feellike something was definitely wrong." "Was it me?" "Maybe." "Was it something supernatural?" "Maybe." "I immediately stopped being an atheist." "And sometimes they're very, um... articulate, like that one was when I was a little boy, and they'll be like, "oh, I can talk to you, and I know your name," and this and that." "And sometimes, they're just, like, gobbledygooking, just, "blah, blah, blah,"" "like they don't have the capability to speak anymore." "WhenI wasolderand  Iwentback...tothehouse  andwasstayingthere." "Imean,Ihated..." "goingbackto thathouse." "Youknow,Ihad other badexperiencesthere, and so I hated going back there." "I hated sleeping there." "I would usually-- if I go back there and visit," "IleavetheTVon becauseit'sjustsuch anoverwhelmingforce." "So I fell asleep, and I had this nightmare." "And then I woke up, and then I woke up in a sleep paralysis." "AndI waslike, "Oh,hmm,"youknow?" "ButI wasso putoff  bythedream thatI wasn'timmediately shockedbythestate ofsleepparalysis, which normally is what it does." "AndI cankindofseeit outofthecornerofmy eyes,  thattherewasthisman standingdown attheendofmybed, kindoflike thisschlumpyoldman ." "That's too young for some reason." "Maybe it's his posture." "And I'm like, "Huh," like, "that's weird."" "SoI 'mlyingthere, andthere'sthisman  downattheend ofthebed, andhesaystome, hesays,"Forrest..." "Youjustcameall over yourmother'ssheets."" "You just masturbated all over your mother's bed sheets." "You're disgusting!" "A pervert." "And I had not masturbated that night," "I will say." "But his voice was immediately familiar." "Asthevoicethattalked tomeas achild." "Thesamevoice." "Itwaslike-- it was like as if, you know, you get a phone call from a relative or somebody you haven't talked to in a while, run into an old friend and hear their voice first," "and you recognize the voice." "You haven't heard it for a long time." "Butyouknowit." "It'sthatperson." "AndI hadthatexperience, I'mlike," ""Oh, it's that voice." "That man."" "I'veseenhimlike 2 or 3 more times in that physical incarnation." "ButI 'vealsohad,like, timeswhere..." "I've seen... people, that have approached me thesameway andI 'vefeltlike, "Yes,that'shim."" "Like,I-- itwasadifferentbody , butitwasthatsame ...entity thatwastalkingtome." "We had a friend staying over." "Like." "We had people over that night, and we had a one-bedroom tiny apartment." "So we're all kind of crammed into my bed." "And..." "I remember I had..." "Um, gone to sleep." "Youknow,thetwo girls, theywereasleep." "Youknow, theywereoutlikealight ." "Almostimmediately, theparalysishits." "Normalparalysis." "Completelynormal." "Youknow,situation,like, stereotypicaldarkroom, butinthis, there'sa reallytallentity, like,youknow,iftheroom's eightfeettall, heisan eight-foot-talldude witha hunch." "Like,heis notfitting inthisroom." "Andtheywerered eyes." "ThisiswhatIremembered." "Andverymothman typeshit , actually." "Anditstartstalkingtome ." "Herepeats, "YouknowwhoIam . "" ""You know who I am."" "Youdon'tknowwho Iam ." "Rightnow, butI knowyou." "Andyouknowme." "You..." "are going to die." "I just had this horrible experience, you know, and, you know, I believed it." "I believed that this thing was telling me it was gonna kill me." "I'm going to die." "And I'm sitting here feeling bad for her that she's freaking out, and I'm trying to calm her down." "I figure out she has this-- I figured she had a sleep terror or something like that, and she's telling me thatonherchest, she saw something on her chest, acatwithred eyes, anditwaslookingatme" "andtalkingin alanguage thatshecouldn'tunderstand." "Like,itwasontopofher  butthreateningme ." "Andthesecondshe saidit hadredeyes," "I just, liked, freaked out." "Like, I was just-- I, like" "I remember this was during a time of my life where I was like, "Maybe I am crazy." "It's fine."" "And then this happened." "And then it immediately affirmed I thought I was gonna be dead." "Like, I was like, "Oh, I'm going to die."" "And, like, shit like that immediately makes me want to be like," ""Fuck, like, regular life."" "Like-- sorry about the language." "When things like that happen, it's very hard for me to be like," ""Yeah, I'm just gonna go get a normal job and, like, live my life."" "Like, I'm like, "I want to figure this out."" " Figuring This Out " "Any idea why it happens to you more than other people?" "I have no idea." "I mean, I guess, you know, it's all presumption, but,youknow, youcouldassume thatmaybeit hadsomething todo withbeingsuchayoungchild , youknow,andhaving sucha profoundexperience." "Youknow,it 'skindoflike  whenyouseesomething forthefirsttime, youknowwhatitis." "Youknow,yougotoseaworld andseeakillerwhale, andyou've neverseenit before, andnowyouknow whata killerwhaleis." "Ireadtheveryfew websitesoutthereaboutit, andI didn'treallylearn anythingnew, exceptfor, thereisachemical, melatonin, thatgoesintoyoursystem, andisreleaseduponsleep" "that'ssupposed toparalyzeyou." "AndI waslike,"Okay, maybethiscouldbemedical."" "Butagain, therewasneveranexplanation fortheshadowman  exceptforhypnagogic hallucinations, whichisaniceword that the doctors  like to throw around, butitreallymeans youjustimaginedit." "My guess is we conceptualize things in our unconscious, based on, like, snippets of information that we picked up along the road somehow." "If I came from an evangelical community where they really believed in evil demons, maybe my immediate association from my unconscious as I'm rising out of sleep, would've been like," ""Oh, shit, it's the devil!"" "Yeah,that'sinteresting." "Although,I wonderif youlook atyourownreaction to your experiences as similar in a way." "Yeah, you're absolutely right." "Like, that's true." "Of course." "Like, also my unconscious is like," ""What is the scientific explanation for this?" "There must be a reason that has to do with logic."" "So, yeah, of course I leapt for that, too." "I can see it just as easily as like there's the commonality of human experience, like, how our brains and our hearts and our personalities function, like, we're all people." "Why wouldn't we see similar things?" "Like, we're not different species." "Why wouldn't we have similar go-to archetypes in our brain?" "So Jungian." "But it can't entirely be born from... you." "You know, that's to say that everybody has in them the capability of bringing out these horrible things before they've even witnessed anything horrible." "It's one of my theories, that we're actually running our brain, we'rekindof overclockingit,  youknow,morethanwewould  whenwe'rejustsleeping orjustawake." "Andthatkindofheightened senseofperception, while we as humans..." "Can't really-- we can't interpret it." "Like, we're still not, you know, interpreting it right, but now we're seeing the raw data." "We're seeing, you know, "Oh, that could be a demon."" "I don't know how to visualize a demon, because that's not a thing that my brain can interpret." "And,I mean, Iactuallykindofbelieve thatprobablyalot ofpeople whodobelieve thattheyhavebeenabducted, wereactuallyvictims ofsleepparalysis ofvaryingdegrees." "Andofcourse,readingmore  aboutsleepparalysis, andreadingandrealizing the prevalence of this experience, youknow, exists in every single culture in the world." "There are these common archetypes that keep popping up, and all over the world." "Like, it'snotjustinAmerica peopleget thesered-eyeddemons." "Andit'snot-- youknow,they'reeverywhere." "Youknow, theshadowman..." "Thecatson thechest." "Agiantcatthatwould comeintosomebody'shouse whiletheyweresleeping, holdthemdown-- it'slikeclawed-- liketeethandclaws." "Sometimesmetal orlikemetal-ish." "Yeah,therearethe ones inturkey." "There'stheancientMorse-- theancientNorseone , like,themare." "Andtherearejustsomany." "Thehaint,like"thehaunt."" "TheHmongimmigrants." "Subsequently, alotof them... died,youknow, fromsleepparalysis." "Right,right, andI knowWesCraven readanarticleaboutthem ,and that helped inspire "A Nightmare on Elm Street"" "and Freddy Krueger, which, you know, then went on tocreate aweirdfeedbackloop, inspiringotherpeople's nightmares andsleepparalysis experiences." "So I had a dream about Freddy krueger, andheobviously wanted to kill me, wantedtoharmme,  wantedtoscare thecrapoutofme, and I believe that, that fear..." "Createsa substance, andI gotthisblackink scaredoutof me , likeaninkfish." "AndI believe that'swhatit eats." "Thephysicist MichioKakusaidthat maybethatwe don'tlive injustonedimension, thatwelive inmultipledimensions." "And... if you imagine a block of flats that as an infinite..." "extension  of yourself, so it keeps adding to itself all the time andneverstops, andineveryroom of this blockofflats,isanentireuniverse likeours." "Now, ineveryotherroom, theremustbe  anotheruniverse." "So, if...  that'strue, maybe some  other us have found our way intothehallway, andareknocking onourdoor." " Never Before, Never Again " "Ready, two." "Right after my mom died, I was very depressed." "And so I'd be crying." "You know, there was this one day I remember that I had a breakdown, and I was crying a lot, a lot." "And then the next day, since I work night shift," "I came home, slept-- you know, to sleep." "Andthenforsomereason thatday," "Iwantedto sleeponmyside." "SoI slepton my side facing the door of the bedroom." "Andallof asudden, Ifelt mybodygettingnumb." "I felt it getting paralyzed." "AndI said,Oh ,my god." "I'mgettingthisagain."" "Butthenit feltdifferent." "Iheardsomebodywalking." "This presence came around." "And it came behind me." "I was like this." "It came behind me, and it hugged me." "AndI heardthemattress depressalso." "I heard that depress, like someone went in the bed." "AndI feltit wasmymother, andI heardhervoice, andshesays, "honey,I 'mhere." "I'mhere."" "And it felt so different from that past presence, because, you know, this was my mother." "It didn't feel evil." "It felt warm, and I was happy." "And I would talk to her." "It's like-- through my mind I said," ""Oh, mommy, it's you." "Oh, my god."" "And she's hugging me tight saying, "I'm here, I'm here."" "And that was just a matter of seconds, all of a sudden, she was gone." "So I really-- you know," "I think it's my mom that comes to visit us." "Doesthatstillhappen?" "Ithappened,like, twoorthreetimes." "Because even though I feel it's her, there's a part of me that sometimes says," ""What if it's this thing?"" "Becausesometimes whenI havefelther , allofasudden, thenitkindofswitches, andthenIdofeel ,like , ifthere'sanotherpresence." "AndthenIdon 'tknow ifit'sthisthingagain thatusedto hauntme backthen orifit is stillher even thoughitdoesfeeldifferent." "Icantellthe difference inbothof them, andI havesaid, "whoareyou?"" "Butofcourse, Idon'tgetananswer." "Andthenit justlasts fora fewseconds, andit'sgone." "The one that stands out above all others, it happened one night when me and my girlfriend went to bed, and it was around 10:00, and I wasn't really tired." "SoI playedon my phone fora bit, agameon thephone, andI musthavefallenasleep." "When I woke up," "I stood at the side of my bed, in a very oppressive atmosphere." "I can't describe the atmosphere to you, unless you were there." "I mean, I've never experienced it before and I've never experienced it again like that." "It's a..." "kind of a very staticky..." "Uh, just presence of evil." "And as I turned to my left," "Iseemy girlfriendinbed,  andI seeme in bed." "AndnowI'mconfused, butI alsoseemyeyes open , andthenIheardmyself laboredbreathing, whichiswhatIdo when Ihave asleepparalysisattack." "I'm shocked, scared, and..." "I don't know-- I don't know what's going on." "I'm confused more than anything." "I can't-- I can't think straight." "I don't know what's going on." "And almost instantly, as I'm thinking that," "I can see three beings over in this corner of the room." "There's no..." "looking me up and down and seeing who I am and what I'm doing there." "They-- thetwogenericshadowpeople, theyadvanceon me  straightaway." "A grapple ensued between me and them." "I'd like to say it was a..." "a noble fight, that I had to really..." "put my foot down and win, but it wasn't." "Theyjust..." "retreated straightaway whenI putresistanceup behindthehatman ." "And the hat man shielded them." "AndI hadno intention ofgoingforwardto... toinvestigateanymore." "All I know is that I have to get back in bed, that some sort of-- some voice in my head saying and my own voice saying, "Get back in bed."" "And as I turned, I can see a long silver thread, forwantof abetterword , that'sgoingtowardsmybody ." "And I decide that now I have got to get back into bed." "Andjustas Idecidethat , Ishootup in bed." "There'snoin between, goingbackin my body orwhatever." "It'sjustI'mthere." "I sit straight up, and I go downstairs into the kitchen, get a drink, and I'm instantly hit by the fear and guilt, that I've left her on her own upstairs." "Because they're still in that room." "I know they're still in that room." "And as I go back upstairs, I sit in bed, and I stay up all night." "Andit'slikeI'm onwatch." "They just wanted me really bad." "IrememberIwas just sortoflayinginmybed, andthenthere'snow  theloudnoise, and, oh, I hate the sound of the noise." "It's, like, almost like spirits or demons, like, kind of like screaming at you." "So then you hear, like a... it's almost like a buzzing that starts, and then I can sense a presence, right-- like, standing over me." "Just standing right here next to me." "On my bed standing over me." "Then you hear, like, this sound." "It's like-- it feels like somebody's screaming right in your ear, like they're right here, and they're screaming." "And I can sense the color red, as if they were wearing something red or like a dark red robe or some kind, something red." "And I tried to look at the face, but I couldn't." "Like, every inch, every centimeter feels like over a ton." "AndsoI'mtryingtomove,  andI wannaseeit,  andI 'mlooking, likestrainingto lookup,  strainingtolookup." "Icould-- Icouldbarelymovemyhead." "It was almost going like this, like-- and then," "I think I said something." "I just said, "I remember this guy." "His name is Jesus, and I'm gonna use his name right now." "And I'm gonna say just, "in Jesus' name,"" "you know, "get out," or-- I said something to that effect." "Jesus." "Jesus." "In Jesus' name." "In Jesus' name." "Get out." "And I suddenly sensed that the demons, or the thing that was happening to me, that evil presence just left." "Gone." "And it was amazing." "It was like a feeling of victory," "Yeah." "Andtheynevercameback ?" "They never came back." "I wasn't even a christian then." "I actually abhorred religion." "I didn't want-- some lady a long time ago told me" "I should marry a christian man, and I just laughed in her face." "Anyways..., I learned very late in my life that the name of Jesus has power, and that's how I became a christian." "Souh...does, do you not-- doyoubelievein theWikipediadefinition ofsleepparalysis?" "No." "Um, that would be sort of like the" "I guess, the-- the worldly term, like, what people would deem as something that's a physiological response, that it's like a natural thing that happens with the body." "But I don't think that's true." "I do think that it's something to do with the spiritual realm." "And it's closely tied with possibly demonic activity." "At 33 years old," "I don't think it's gonna get any better for me." "I've experienced it most of my life, if not all my life." "I know what it's like." "I don't believe that this is just a rare occurrence." "I think it's" "I think none of us are special." "that have this happen to them." "There's no reason why we should have this happen to us, so-- but I'd" "I like to know how many other people out there... experience this." "I know there are quite a few, but ..." "I think there's a lot more." "Hey,everybody, it'sConniehere, a.K.a.Phoenixrising11." "Thankyouforjoiningme." "Ifirstwannastartout bysayingthat," "I'm about to tell you averypersonalstory, andifyouget weirdedout easily oryou'renot thatopen-minded..." " So you made a pretty powerfulYouTubevideo aboutyourexperience." "Doyouwatch alotof otherpeople's sleepparalysisvideos?" "I don't..." "I don't really like to listen" "I haven't seen a lot of other people's sleep paralysis videos." "Although people do send me their stuff," "I just am not in a place to... want to listen to that kind of stuff anymore." "I don't know why." "I feel like it's just-- it's kind of like that's the past," "and I'm not in that space anymore." "That I. You know, I found faith, and I met my husband, and I never thought I'd get married, and..." "Soyou'reactually tryingnotto thinktoo much aboutsleepparalysisanymore." "Yeah, yeah, I mean, why?" "For what, you know?" " Final Destinations " "Um..." "I was, uh..." "Dating a girl who was pretty crazy." "She was kind of really into being very nature-y." "Not like a hippie, but kind of like a crazy wood spirit nymph was kind of her vibe." "You know." "A lot of her clothes were, like, stitched together like..." "She was crazy." "She would do things like, say, start walking out inthemiddle ofanincrediblybusystreet, andI wouldtryand stopher,  andshe'dbe like," ""No,no, thespiritsareguidingme,"" "withhereyesclosed." "Ijust." "I can't believe she survived." "So she was..." "definitely on the cusp of something." "SowasI." "I mean." "We were both really living inthefringes ofsanityat thattime." "Andwewentuptoacabin thatmydadhas  intheBayofFundyinCanada ." "Andwewerewalkingout inthewoods." "Anditwasgettingdark ." "Itwaskindofdusk ." "Soshesaid, "Let'sbuildastonecircle", you know, because we'd just gone to a pebble beach." "Sowetookour pebbles andlaidthemall down." "Andthenwe decided tobereceptive, ifyouknowwhatthat means." "Andsoshe,like, closedhereyes andshewas,like, standinglikethis, andI wasjustkindof standingtherelikethis." " And..." "suddenly she goes," ""Oh,something'scoming."" " She's coming!" "She's coming!" "Andshehadher eyesclosed, andsoshewas not-- couldnotseeanything, andI waslooking, anditwaslike shewaslistening andI waslooking." "AndI lookedintothe forest, and,um..." "Outcamethisblueform ." "Itstartedapproaching, thisvery,verybluething." "Like,ithadthe samequality astheblackthings thatwetalkedabout, butblue,peaceful, justreally,like,nice." "Andshe'slike, "Oh,she'sblue."" "Shesaid,"She'sblue."" "Eyesclosed, youknow,likethis." "Anditcameand approached, andthenit just kindofstoodstill, anditwasmaybe,like , sixfeetoverthere." "I'mgettinggoosebumps justthinkingaboutthis." "Andhere'smy girlfriend, andshe'sjustlaughingalot ,  like," Oh,she'ssaying thefunniestthings."" "Like,justcrazy." "Itwasreallycrazyandweird ." "Andshegoes,"Oh ." "she says not to be worried about the demons behind you."" "AndI waslike,"What?"" "And I turned around." "AndI sawthem." "That same face." "The face that people see whenthey'reabducted byaliens." "ThefacethatIsaw asa smallchild." "Andthenin thatmoment," "Isuddenlyhadthis, like uh, kindofrealization." "'Causeitwasn't,like, linguistic." "Ididn'thearanybody talkingtome , butI heardlikefeltathought, inmyhead, somethingexternal, and it was all about how, um..." "Fearempowersbadthings." "Tohavefearwhen you'reinabad environment ora badplace oraroundabad thing onlygivesthatthing morestrength." "Whatthatkindofmade me sortofbegintorealize isthat,youknow, hereI 'mhearingthesevoices, andthey'redisembodied, confused, schizophrenicghosts, youknow, yeah,thosearepeople." "Maybethey'redead." "Maybethey'realive." "Ireallydon'tknow." "I don't know." "Butthentheotherthings, theblack,cloudything, youknowthesegraythings, um, those are... something more primal, something more just environmental." "AndwhenIkindofcame tothatrealization,I'm like," "Oh." "Whydoesit havetobe anyone thing?" "And shortly thereafter, the... the blue... spirit, uh..., dissipated into the woods." "And then we went back to, you know, the cabin, and that was that." "You'retalking aboutsomethingthathappens attheabsoluteedges oflikedreaming." "Like, you can't explain dreams." "You can't explain them logically." "They're all little bits and pieces that come up from your unconsciousness, and from things you've experienced, and... who knows how like the sleeping mind puts things together?" "And now you're talking about an experience that happens like in that in-between stage." "It's so liminal." "You can't put logic onto liminal situations." "I need you to also understand that I was in an abusive household." "IbelievebecauseIwas beatensomuchduringtheday, thatatnight, mysoulhadtoheal  tokeepme here." "That's why I had to get through thefourthdimension, andthat'swhyIhadtogo somewhereelseto be healed, sothatIcouldcome back  anddealwithmylife ." "I knew absolutely nothing about sleep paralysis until..." "I was told about it." "And... then I, almost instantly, began experiencing it." "I don't believe, like, the medical explanation to it, the physiological stuff, just a sleep disorder." "There's got to be way more to it." "Like I told my one friend about it when I was just talking and," "I was like, "Have you ever heard of sleep paralysis?"" "She's like, "No," and so I, kind of shared my experience." "Andthenthenextday,  she'stextingme ." "She's like," ""I hate you." "I HATE YOU!" "Whatever you were telling me about happening to you." "Now it's starting to happen 2 ME."" "Kind of like an STD," ""Sleep-Transmitted Disease."" "There was an experience during this time that I actually did think I died." "Whole dream's going fine." "I don't really know what we're doing." "Last a long time." "It's like one of those you know, 3-, 4-day-feeling type dreams." "So, I'm just kind of existing in it, sort of enjoying it." "And all of a sudden, like, somebody knocks at the door." "It's, like, two homeless dudes." "And they're trying to get in, andI 'mtryingto tellthem,like ." ""Listen,we'reat capacity." "We're at capacity for homeless people in my weird dream town."" "There'sa guyon rollerblades inthebackground,very'90s ." "AndI wasn'tthinking, buthe,like,turns, andhestarts roller-bladingtowardsme ." "And I'm like, "That's awesome." "He's gonna come into play here." "Thisiscool." "I can..." "I'm probably gonna wake up soon 'causeit'sallevaporating."" "Andashe getsreallyclose, hejustpullsout agun." "AndthenI'm intheparalysis." "Butit'snotaparalysis I'veeverfeltbefore." "It'sjustnothing." "Idon'tseeanything." "Idon'tfeelanything." "I'mjustnothing." "SoI guessmaybe thisisan afterlife." "AndI waslike, "Nah,probablynot." "MaybeI 'minacoma."" "AndI 'mstartingto thinklike," "Sleepparalysis probablyfinallyfuckedme." "Like,I 'mprobablydone." "AndI 'veprobablystopped breathing, andthisis whathappens whenithappens," "It's like, I'mjustnothingness." "And,like,5,  10minutesgo by , andI 'mjustlike-- gettinga littlenervous, but,like,at thesametime ," "I'm just kind of weirdly serene." "Like, "This sucks."" "And..." "I remember thinking, like, I'm gonna try to pull out of it." "Like, thesamemotionIwoulddo topulloutof sleepparalysis," "I'mgonnajusttry  toemulatethat." "AndI tryoverand over andoveragain," "Imean, hundreds of times." "Youknow,just-- butI 'mgettingsomewhere, and I remember" "I come up for, like, half a second." "AndI canseemyroom ." "It'slikeIcan open myeyesalittlebit,  butnothing's-- there'snothingthereanymore." "Andit'salmostlike I'mjustin bed andtheroomislike-- allthedetails oftheroomare gone." "There's--youknow,Icanseemy  nowex-girlfriend'sdresser, her little vanity, and there's nothing on it." "AndI remember Icalledouther name, andnobodycame, andthenIwas  backintheparalysis." "Andthenit wasanother you know, 5... 5,10minutesofpullingout, andtheneventuallyIwoke up." "And..." "She wasn't there." "Nobody was around,  but... it'sjust,it was-- itwastheworst." "Ijustfelt like I died." "Youknow,it becamethis kindofturningpointformeand ... and..." "you know." "Just." "I just..." "how I saw all this." "And I definitely didn't want that to happen ever again." "Well." "So how did that change... your-- thewayyousaw all this?" "It just-- it-- whereas before, I felt like I was maybe, you know, learning and exploring and it was, like, kind of fun, it stopped being fun." "Like, it's not like I get to-- you know, people talk about astral projection and all these, like, fucking awesome-sounding things, like how they get to fly around, and, and, you know, I don't know," "do cool things." "And I don't get that." "I don't get, you know, those." "I just get these weird experiences where..." "I feel like, for a second," "Icanseesomething thatmostpeoplecan 't." "Like, there's... what we see in the world..." "And right behind it, you know, almost like-- it's like everything's cellophane-wrapped or something." "And for half a second, that-- that wrapper's gone, and I can see or perceive... something a little bit more real-- or whatever real is-- and then it's gone." "But I can see it for that half a second." "And so no matter what fear or pain comes along with it," "I always get this experience, where, even if it's in my head, it's made something interesting." "And it's something that I can pull from that makes my life almost kind of... worth it, you know, which is-- you know, for a long time, is something I don't feel like I've ever had." "And it's gonna probably just keep getting worse, and I truly believe that one day-- it will be the reason why, like, one day I don't wake up." "And one day I'm just-- you know, I don't breathe," "I can't control the breathing, and it's done." "AndI feelterrible forwhoeverI'mdating ormarriedto ..." "whenthathappens, um,butI'mkindofready  forthatnow." "Chris." "Hey, Chris." "You know, I'm ready for that to be, you know, just kind of what happens to me." "ButI wouldliketofigureout alotmoreaboutthis  before that happens, and it's also made me feel very comfortable with the idea." "Like... if something's happening, that's more than..." "I'm just crazy." "Then something's happening."