"Hey, shh!" "You'll scare the fishes, all right?" "Hey, uh, what did you put for number 12?" "Pandora's Box." "Pandora's Box?" "Yeah." "What did you put?" "Pandora's Box, why?" "What'd you put?" "Uh..." "I just put..." "What was that, what'd you put?" "What did you say?" "I said I put, "False."" "It wasn't a true or false question." "Oh, come on." "The instructions were confusing." "Oh." "You gotta crack a scroll every now and then if you wanna graduate, my friend." "Oh, thank you Jason, "Mr. God of Homework."" "Listen, next time, we'll study together, all right?" " Hmm." " Whatever." "I'm afraid there's not gonna be a next time for you, little brother." "Ares." "Guys." "Can we have a little privacy?" "You leave them out of this!" "What makes you think you can come defile my temple and get away with it?" "My priest saw you!" "Whoa, what?" "What, what, what?" "You know what I'm talking about!" "No, actually, I don't know what you're talkin' about." "Oh, oh, what you gonna do now?" " Hercules!" " Let's get him!" "Now, I guess we find out if blood really is thicker than water." "In an age of light and darkness," "Zeus, king of the gods, ruled the universe." "He had a son." "Young Hercules." "Half-god, half-man." "Young Hercules longs to find his place in the world, the father he's never known, and what it means to be a hero." "Before the man became legend, before the legend became myth, came the greatest adventure of all." "I let ya live too long." "You've gotten cocky." "Wow, you need help!" "Why can't you just leave me alone?" "I don't like you." "Hey." "Listen, I've never even been to your temple, all right?" "Liar!" "Ow, ow, ow!" "Woo!" "You know," "I never really cared for large families!" "Goodnight, John-Boy!" "You're too slow, little brother!" "You really are at that awkward age and I'm afraid you're never gonna grow out of it!" "The boat!" "Hercules?" "Wait, wait, wait!" " I can't swim!" " What?" "Remember last time you threw me in?" "I can't swim!" "All right, just be ready to help when I pull him out." "Hercules!" "Come on, Jason." "I can't see him, it's too deep!" "Keep looking for him, Jason!" "Hercules!" "Hercules!" "Huh?" "Am I dead?" "No." "Okay." "Olympus, how'd I get here?" "Apollo?" "Athena?" "Hephaestus?" "Hey." "Yo, bro!" "Brothers, sister." "To what do I owe the honor of being invited here today?" "You stand accused of the attempted murder, in full defiance of Zeus' protective order, of your brother Hercules." "Half-brother, if you don't mind." "Whatever, the point is you tried to kill him." "If I tried to kill him he'd be dead right now." "I suggest you take these charges a little more seriously." "If this tribunal finds you guilty you'll spend an eternity of unimaginable torment..." "Stop it!" "In the fiery depths of Tartarus that is reserved for fallen gods." "Sister, I'm sure you would love any excuse to put me away for an eternity, but don't you think Zeus has gone a bit far this time protecting his little boy?" "I mean, prosecuting the god of war for attacking somebody." "It's what I do." "Oh, so let me get this straight." "When you maim, kill, and pillage, oh, it's strictly business, right?" "I love my job." "So, sue me." "I grant you your role in the universe, Ares, but even you can go too far, and this time you did." "Excuse me, did I miss something here, or have we forgotten some tiny detail like oh, I don't know, a trial?" "Oh, right, yeah, sorry." "Um, uh, right." "Uh, "As an O..." what's that?" "Oh, "Olympian god, you will receive a fair hearing", and in accordance with the law," ""you are allowed to choose your own d..."" "what's... oh, "defender."" "Counsel for the defense, please rise." "I said rise!" "Me?" "Cowards!" "Come on and fight me!" "You call yourself gods!" "You sneak up and attack people without warning!" "You're not gods!" "You're just a bunch of stinking cowards!" "Iolaus." "Leave me alone, Jas." "Hey, it's not your fault." "It's not our fault." "Ares is a god." "There's nothing we could've done." "All I know is my friend needed me and I was no help." "And now he's gone." "Hello, we're waiting." "May I have a word with my counsel?" "Please do." "Hi." "Hi, huh?" "You're not starting off too well, little brother." "Let me get this straight, okay?" "You chose me to represent you on charges of you trying to kill me." "The irony of it appealed to me." "Besides, you're such a goody-good." "I know you're gonna do your best." "I got a question." "Am I allowed to refuse to serve as Ares' defender?" "Oh, uh, right." "Okay, uh," ""If s... s... s..."" "oh, "selected as a defender"" "by an accused god in a godly tri... tri..."" "oh, "tribunal," uh," ""the chosen one must serve"" "or else share the sentence, if the accused is found" ""g... g... gwilty."" "Well, I accept then." "Good choice." "This is ridiculous, okay?" "I know you're guilty, I was there." "Well, I wasn't." "What are you talking about?" "I didn't..." "I did not try to kill you, okay?" "I mean, I'd love to, right here, right now, but I'm no fool." "You're under Zeus's protection and I do not intend to spend the rest of eternity in Tartarus, being gnawed on by some idiotic monster." "You got that, Mister?" "I got it." "Counsel for the defense, how do you plead?" "Not guilty." "So, you weren't there." "Okay, but you're gonna need an alibi, and you're gonna need a witness to back it up." "Strife and Discord." "I was with them today, it's perfect." "Oh, I, I don't know." "Are you sure you can trust 'em?" "It's not a matter of trust, they're scared of me." "Just do it." "Counselor." "Okay." "I call Discord." " Hmm." " Meow." "Hi." "Oh, um, where were you on the day in question?" "You mean today." "Yes, today." "I was with Ares, at his place." "Oh, all day?" "Pretty much." "Okay, and, uh, at any point in your day did you hear Ares, you know, sort of talk about trying to kill me?" "Sure." "He talks about it constantly." "It's his favorite topic." "Well, you know it's true!" "Eh." "Oh." "So, what you're trying to say is that it's, it's not unusual to, um, to, uh hear Ares talk about tryin' to kill me?" "Not at all." "Of course today was a little different." "Really?" "Why is that?" "Because today, he actually did try to kill you." "She's lying!" "Ares, calm down!" "Iolaus." "Where you going?" "I don't know." "I can't stay here." "Don't you think Hercules would want you to stay?" "Every day would be a reminder I lost a friend." "You know, it's said that, uh, a friend is never really lost if you remain true to the dreams you shared." "Quiet in the court!" "Let me get this straight." "You're saying that, um, you were actually a witness to Ares trying to kill me." "Yes, I was." "How come I didn't see you there?" "Well, I wasn't there-there, but I was watching, you know?" "The way real gods can do?" "Well, uh, would you do me a favor?" "Just explain how Ares tried to kill me." "You know, I mean, what'd he do?" "Come on." "Well first, he hit you." "Then he smashed up your little boat, did a real number on your friends, and you put up a pretty good fight." "You know, uh, you two really shoulda got your stories straight." " That's all I'm saying." " Shh." "She's lying, don't listen to her." "Hmm." "Just one more question." "So, if Ares is found guilty and he's sent to Tartarus, then who do you work for?" "Who, um, Strife?" "Excuse me?" "Well, I mean, that's the way it works, isn't it?" "I mean, Strife's the next in line." "I mean, Ares goes out and Strife comes in, and he's the god of war, right?" "That little twerp?" "God of war?" "Oh, well, uh," "I mean, who else would it be?" "We're not talking god here, pal." "We're talking goddess." "Got it?" "Yeah." "No further questions." "Hmm." " Right, so you think..." " Hey, shh." "I'm thinkin' here, all right?" "All right." "The defense calls Strife." "Don't betray me." "Strife." "That's my name." "Don't wear it out." "Were you with Ares today?" "Yep!" "Did you witness the attack on me?" "Cuckoo." "You could put it that way." "Hmm." "Oh, Athena." "Was it Ares who attacked me?" "Well, it sure looked like him." "You backstabbing, sniveling worm!" "Ares, calm down!" "I'll not warn you again!" "Let me ask you a question." "Um, was there somethin' different about Ares today?" "You know, I mean, the way he attacked me?" "Different?" "Well, what do you mean?" "I don't know." "Like he wasn't himself." "You know, he kind of had like, a slow reaction time, he was a little clumsy, a little confused, a little weak?" "Did you get that impression?" "Nah." "He looked good to me." "He's the champ." "I don't know." "I got the drop on him like two or three times." "There was this one time," "I really flattened him." "I swear, I saw him cry." "Come on, Strife." "You wanna know what I think?" "I'm not convinced that Ares even shattered that boat." "Hm?" "I think that the wood was rotten, the big old crybaby just walked in there, tripped over his own feet, and I think..." "No way!" "I laid you out!" "I brought you down, and I..." "Don't look at me!" "She made me do it!" "I rest my case." "Do you want me to, uh, forge some more chains?" " Two sets." " Okay." "I'm sorry." "Ares, it is the decision of this tribunal that all charges against you be dropped." "Yes!" "Strife and Discord, for conspiring to murder a protected mortal and for impersonating a god, we sentence you to eternity in the depths of Tartarus." "Oh, man." "May I ask a favor of the court?" "Hmm?" "Turn 'em over to me." "That's okay, really." "Tartarus is, uh, fine." "Very well." "Court is now adjourned." "Bye-bye, guys." "Let's go catch some rays." "Ha!" "You realize this changes nothing between us." "Yeah." "You're welcome." "I hear you're staying with us." "Yeah, just think it's what Hercules would have wanted, you know?" "Could be." "Why don't you ask him yourself?" "Hercules?" "Herc!" " Uh." " Uh, hey." "Well, I guess I was gone longer than I thought, huh?" "Where have you been?" "Oh, well kind of hard to explain, really." "Oh, okay." "Well, just don't go vanishing on us again, okay?" "Yeah, all right." "I'll try not to." "Welcome back, Hercules." "Thanks, Jason." "Yeah." "Um, uh." "All right." "You weren't worried about me, right?" "I knew you were coming back."