Q:

We're looking to get pregnant - what can we do to optimize our chances?

We've heard of some couples taking a long time to get pregnant, from the time when they decide to start. We're wondering what we can do to make the process faster.

A:

My wife is a doctor and we spent some time planning pregnancy and making sure we had the best chances. We were surrounded by people who had been trying for a long time with no success and we asked them - in intimate detail - about their health, lifestyles, times and dates of lovemaking, family history, etc. We compiled all the evidence and built a plan. It revolves around capitalising on the correct timing, maximising your health and fertility, and a little bit of technique.
Here's a synopsis:
Get the correct timing

Stop birth control pill and move onto condoms for a couple of months or until 'real' periods return.
Track your periods. Use a calendar or spreadsheet (yes, really) to track the first day of your period each month to determine your monthly cycle. Do this for a number of months to be absolutely sure. There are plenty of Fertility Cycle calculators online.
Calculate your fertile days. Once you have tracked your periods for a few months, you can note your ovulation days - 14 days before your period +/- 2 days. A human ovum (egg) is only around for 24 hours, so you must know what this date is.
Mark your 'try' days on the calendar. This is really important - if you have any other family commitments or office parties, etc, cancel them as getting pregnant is important to you. We suggest you annotate when the baby would be born if you conceived on each date.

Maximise your health

Cut out alcohol. There's evidence that it affects fertility, but it also blurs your judgement. Yes, you're more likely to be in the mood for sex after some drinks, but that may also negate the items below.
Stop smoking. Nicotine and tar both affect fertility and are known to cause birth defects - check the warning on the packet.
Cut out caffeine. It lowers sperm counts and stops you sleeping.
Get more sleep. It raises sperm counts and gives you more energy for exercise and lovemaking.
Get more exercise. Your reproductive organs and hormone-releasing glands need oxygenating for optimal working conditions. The serotonin released after exercise will make you feel better too.
Eat more healthily. There are many foods which can help fertility and vitality (fruit, fibre-rich foods, fish) and those that can mess it up (high-fat, high-sugar, processed food, fast food).
Zinc supplements. Men should take daily Zinc supplements to improve the sperm quality.
Folic Acid. Women should take Folic Acid daily supplements to prevent birth defects. This should be taken from 3 months before conception and up until 3 months after. 'Pregnancy health' supplements are also worth considering as they contain Iron and other essential vitamins which may not be in your diet.

Technique

Best time to make love. Hormones and fertility are highest in the mornings, but this is no good if you have to run off to work. Waking up an hour early in order to make love shouldn't be a problem for most people.
Stay fresh. If you have a shower when you come home from work, then you can make love at any point after that without anyone worrying about the dirt of the work day.
Position doesn't matter that much, but is vital that after ejaculation, the woman remains laying down with her legs and pelvis raised - use a pillow under the buttocks, knees in the air. This is to give the best opportunity for the sperm to reach the cervix, inside which they can survive for longer. Standing up within half an hour of lovemaking risks that gravity will cause everything to leak back out.

My wife has given this plan (a more detailed version) to around 20 couples now and all have conceived within 6 months.

A:

I see lots of well-intended medical advice here, but I would argue: forget about all of it and just relax. I know several parents who arguably tried everything, yet failed and adopted kids. Guess what happens after the adoption went through? That's right: they got pregnant.
Keeping calendar notes, adjusting your health, and thinking about the whole thing just way too much will be counter-productive, not helpful. Just relax, for starters; enjoy sex. Give this method a try for a year. If that doesn't work out, you can still go back to the medical advice routine and see what this does to you. Good luck!

A:

The best advice I can give? Don't try.
Let me explain. Stress and conception are not compatible. The scheduling, the worrying about whether she will get pregnant this month so the due date will coincide or not coincide with family members' birthdays, the constant testing and charting, the exceitement that everything says she's ovulating, the automatic feel of lovemaking... all of that just reduces your chances, because the excitement produces higher blood pressure and an increased immune response, both of which are barriers to conception and implantation.
Relax. Take a deep breath. Ask God to grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change... and then enjoy tearing up the sheets (or the couch cushions or the kitchen counter if you're trying for your first little one) whenever you feel like it.
I speak from experience here. My wife and I, after moving into a new rental townhome with plenty of space to start a family, decided to give it a try. We tried for several months, and in the process we bought our first house. Nothing. We eventually gave up for a while, and she got interested in getting her tonsils out. The day before the procedure, she goes in for her pre-surgery labs... and they send her home because she's pregnant. I found the NuvaRing she was supposed to be using for that month in the refrigerator; it had slipped her mind. Our little one is now a month old, the most perfect little girl in history, and she definitely didn't happen by charting mucus consistency and basal thermometer temperatures.

