Grandmother of eight makes hole in oneDeaf mute gets new hearing in killingPolice begin campaign to run down jaywalkersHouse passes gas tax onto senateStiff opposition expected to casketless funeral planTwo convicts evade noose, jury hungWilliam Kelly was fed secretaryMilk drinkers are turning to powderSafety experts say school bus passengers should be beltedQuarter of a million Chinese live on waterFarmer bill dies in houseIraqi head seeks arms

Some become unintentionally suggestive...

Queen Mary having bottom scrapedIs there a ring of debris around Uranus?Prostitutes appeal to PopePanda mating fails - veterinarian takes overNJ judge to rule on nude beachChild's stool great for use in gardenDr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editorsSoviet virgin lands short of goal againOrgan festival ends in smashing climax

Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning opposite from the one intended:

Never withhold herpes from loved oneNicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacyDrunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better

Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious...

If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while.War dims hope for peaceSmokers are productive, but death cuts efficiencyCold wave linked to temperaturesChild's death ruins couple's holidayBlind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in yearsMan is fatally slainSomething went wrong in jet crash, experts sayDeath causes loneliness, feeling of isolation