What it\’s really like to be a phone actress from one point of view

One of the most daunting tasks of my job is trying to provide a fantasy for my clients. I usually get an idea of what they’re into depending on what Whisper Tag I get before a call is put through. Some of you may have heard of these, some companies provide them, some don’t. Although I have found that these tags can be very misleading. I once received a tag for Domination, when what the client really wanted was a Virgin. That was fun trying to scramble to accommodate! I was all set to describe a whipping/paddling session answering the call with my most sexy and demanding voice and the first question the client asked was, “So, are you still a virgin?” It was a good thing I didn’t say I was a Mistress! That happens sometimes, you lose a client because you got the wrong tag line, but for the most part the most common Whisper Tag is Female Fantasy. And this is a catch-all for everything. My most common approach is to feel the client out. Sometimes they want to get right to it asking if I’m a dirty little slut or something like that. In which case I spend most of the call screaming and moaning into the phone saying whatever the client demands. I often end those calls wishing I had an oxygen tank! Usually I have clients that don’t really know what they want. They’re horny, that’s the only given, or they wouldn’t have called in the first place. I have gotten more than a few clients claim they’ve never called a phone sex line before and leave everything up to you. This is where some serious acting comes into play. As I said before I feel a client out for what they’re in to. I ask what they are wearing, what they would do if I was there with them, what’s the most unusual place they would want to have sex. Once you warm up the conversation with sexy, but not over-the-top questions they give you a clue. Here’s another little trick I didn’t know about when I first started, I assumed most of my clients were “up and running” so to speak. I quickly learned that some of them like me to get their engine going. I accomplish this by telling the client what I look like, what I’m wearing, my favorite position or anything else they might ask me. Of coarse, I’m not being interviewed, so there’s a lot of flirting and giggling going on. It only takes a few minutes before things start to get good and heavy. And then you just have to decide what you’re the most comfortable with. Do you want to describe a blow-job? If that’s your niche make sure you know what you’re talking about! Do you want to ride him like a cowgirl, you should know that there is in fact a position known as the Cowgirl and how to do it. I once read an article about a very successful phone actress who went on to start her own phone sex company. When asked how she kept her clients, she referred to using everyday situations to build a fantasy on. I tried that approach a couple of times and fell flat on my face! Maybe you’ll have more luck than I did, in which case I want to know what you did! For the most part I think that sticking with what you know is the best way to keep a client. I use real situations I have been through to describe fantasies and so far, have had the best result with those. My other source of inspiration? The porn industry is suddenly mybest friend. I have a collection of magazines and movies that makes even my husband jealous. Most recently I’ve been using the world wide web for inspiration. I use it mostly for fetishes that I’m not familiar with such as domination or TVTS clients. Since I’m not really a “chick with a dick” this has been the most helpful. Once you get the client involved in a fantasy you find yourself in a groove and then it’s a piece of cake from there.

WARNING: Some of the content in this post may not be suitable for those with weak stomachs.

After doing this for six months I thought I had heard it all. I should know better. I’ve received some unusual requests but these two take the cake. A few nights ago I had a client that seemed really nice, but I was in for a shock when he told me about his fetish. Apparently his girlfriend likes to put safety pins through his member. For those of you that ignored my warning… I told you so! I’ll spare you the details, needless to say I spent most of that call trying to sound sexy while fighting my gag reflex. On the flip side, the most amusing request I’ve gotten was the client who asked me to sing the Star Spangled Banner. Okay, there comes a point where you just can’t keep a straight face, and this was it. I’ve giggle coyly for clients and flirted, but this really tested my limits. Needless to say I made it half way through before the client was satisfied and hung up. Once I heard the tone telling me he had disconnected I couldn’t stop laughing. I literally had tears rolling down my cheeks. Every night it’s something new. One thing I can say about this job; it never gets boring. This is going to be a short post because… well, how do you follow something like that?!?!

As long as I choose to be a PSO I will never be able to shake the stigma that is attached. I have decided not to tell any of my friends or family what I do, more for their benefit than mine. This has been a little difficult as I recently left my day job and now work the lines exclusively. Which begs the question: why the secrecy? Well, unless you either work in the adult entertainment industry or you appreciate its myriad of forms there is stigma against it that hangs over our society. It has been a long held belief that sex is bad. We were taught this as children and young adults. We were taught to fear our own sexuality and therefore shun our bodies. Yet we can’t escape our urges, just look at the main stream magazines that tout ways to improve the body, dress better, make the most of makeup tips. All of these things have one aim – to attract a mate. But it is the stripper I think that takes the brunt of the negative stigma that surrounds the adult industry. And I’ve gotta say, I think that is totally unfair. Several of my close friends are or have been strippers and they are the nicest most down to earth girls you could imagine. But I’m getting off topic. I’ve noticed several web sites where women (usually moms) are trying to find a way to make money from home and more than a few are questioning the validity of being a phone sex operator. Without fail these women who are looking for a legal and decent way to be available for their families while making ends meet are put down and demonized. I’m not going to get into a pissing match here about religion, because that’s not usually the catalyst behind the insults. It’s the slut factor associated with the adult industry that usually prompts the catty responses. If you’ve read my first blog or checked out my profile, you know that I’m a mother myself. While I try to be the best mom I can, I also have to face the reality that likes to bite me in the ass every month – I have to pay my bills. I don’t expose my kids to my job, they have no idea what I do at night after they are snug in their beds. And I’m here when they need me. So does that make me a bad mom? Some might say yes, but then I would have to ask why? I’m not scared of my sexuality and while I may engage in verbal fantasies where I do in fact claim to be a slut, that doesn’t actually make me one. I provide a service for my clients. I banish loneliness and inflate egos. I have talked to clients that crave anonymity while they explore their fetishes and new found sexual needs and wants. I provide something a stripper, porn star or nude model can’t. An intimate human connection without attachment. This sounds all nice and warm and fuzzy now, but don’t get me wrong, many of my clients have put me down for what I do. The irony of coarse is that they are paying me to do it. And I have had just as many clients truly appreciate my services complimenting me on my performance. There is nothing more satisfying than to have a client tell me how incredibly sexy my voice is and thank me profusely for entertaining their fantasies. So if there are so many good things about the adult industry, why the slut factor? I think it has more to do with the women who are not included and feel threatened. Women should be appreciated for what they truly are; the creator of life. And all too often they are not. Instead men in our society seek only the most ideal forms of femininity as put forth by glaring advertisements and Hollywood. It’s not their fault, it’s what they have seen all their lives and respond to. So is it any wonder that more than a few women feel threatened by the adult industry and pass the same bigotry to their daughters perpetuating a negative cycle and fear of sexuality? I should know, I was one of them. I thought that watching porn made you ‘dirty’ and wanting to enjoy sex was bad. But like most women I entered my twenties with raging hormones and a zest for life. Soon my inhibitions fell away and I reveled in the bloom of my youth and the power I had over the opposite sex. A heady mix that easily matches the intoxication of alcohol. However, unlike most women I did not settle into marriage and decide to put my sexuality in the closet after having children. Oh, I did for a while, but when I became a PSO the layers I hid under soon started to peel away to show me that I could be a good wife and mother and still be a sexual being. I can truly say that I enjoy who I am and am grateful to be able explore being a woman in all it’s forms both in my work and my personal life. And I have no regrets for the choices I have made. As far as the slut factor goes, as with most things ignorance breeds prejudice. It’s a shame that women should be made to feel they are less for their sexuality. We have struggled long and hard for equality and there rarely seems to be a balance that both sides can agree on. A feminist is viewed as a cold bitch or you’ve got the Betty Crockers. What’s wrong with being both? Men have for decades ruled in board rooms and in the bedroom. Why can’t we? We are all sexual beings, without it there wouldn’t be a human race. Of coarse there are women who match both descriptions, but there are more that fall somewhere in the middle; myself included. I don’t think a woman should be put down for her choice of work. Nor do I think a woman should feel guilty about choosing between staying home to raise her children or leave them to work. My job allows me to do both. It’s not a career, far from it, but I get the best of both worlds. I stopped trying to portray the most perfect picture I could of what a wife and mother should be. First of all it gave me nothing but migraines to try and second, it’s a myth. Leave perfection to give someone else a headache, I prefer to concentrate on what’s best for my family and what makes me happy. If that makes me a slut, well then slap a scarlet letter on me and I’ll be proud to wear it!

Occasionally a client will call that makes a work night memorable. Sometimes, the topic is beyond description and you count the seconds until the call ends. Other times a client is both imaginative and seductive in ways that you could only dream of. In one night I had both scenarios laid before me not once, not twice, but three times! On this particular night I had created a new character and I was anxious to see how “she” would do. My very first client had a very particular fantasy and he wanted a very “involved” participant. After doing this for a few months I learned how to accommodate these realistic fantasies for my clients (including sound, time delays and props). He had a fetish with nipple clamps and cock rings. If you’re not familiar with these two items, I highly suggest you check it out for yourself. You know what they say, ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’. Sometimes a client will introduce a new toy/experience/fantasy that I may have written off as too out there for my tastes. And if the call goes well, they may even convince me that the fetish in question really isn’t as out there as I originally thought. This was one such call. After describing for me his fantasy and talking me through my role we engaged in the full sensation and sexual talk expected for a call like this. I was surprised to find myself turned on by this client! I didn’t get off on the call, but it was very arousing. However, in the world of phone sex, there is a certain amount of time for a call before it gets timed out. This simply ensures that if a client falls asleep (and it does happen, but that’s for another time) the client won’t be charged for the entire night and the PSO isn’t stuck on the line listening to some client snoring for hours on end. This particular client called back three times to complete his fantasy! It’s not often that I get absorbed into a client’s fantasy, but this one really got me and it was truly a memorable experience. I was only sorry to see it end. To get a client that is both intelligent and has a great voice is a combination anyPSO loves. I really enjoyed this one. I don’t think I’ll be using cock rings and nipple clamps in my bedroom anytime soon, but this client definitely removed the freak out factor for me on these two toys. And he taught me how I can engage these toys in future calls, a real plus.

On the flip side, sometimes you get the calls that you wish you didn’t. The very same night I received a client I had dealt with in the past. I haven’t had a single pleasant experience with this particular client. He prefers the shock factor. If it’s illegal, he’ll talk about it. I’ve gotten used to what I call the shock cocks, clients that get off on making you squirm with discomfort. Unfortunately for me I can’t just tell them their sick f!#*s and mute the call. I’ve had to endure more than my share of shock cocks and each time it never fails to amaze me how gross they can get. I don’t think they actually think about what they’re saying, or at least I hope not. The idea of them actually fantasising about these things is enough to make my skin crawl. I’ll spare you the details, but I’m sure you can imagine. And whatever you can imagine, I’ve heard it. If you are considering entering this line of work, be warned. It can and does get really ugly! It takes a tough skin to listen to some of these clients. And a lot of fortitude to just let it go and move on to the next client. There have been times that a client has so freaked me out I actually need to hang up for a while to regain my composure and keep from throwing up. If I get a series of calls like that in one night, I will log off for the night and not take anymore calls. That’s the beauty of this job. There is no boss breathing down your neck to talk to some of these creeps. You may have to deal with a call or two of shock cocks, but for the most part, you call the shots. It’s kinda nice having that control over your own job, and you’re a little more apt to deal with the bad calls a little better. However, this client wasn’t satisfied with one call, nope! He called twice! Just talking to this guy once was enough to creep me out, but when he called the second time I really just wanted to scream. Hearing his spastic voice demand me to answer his questions (often referring to his mother) and hearing his excited breath in my ear soon became too much for me to handle. I believe I’ve said this before, but it deserves repeating. For those PSO’s that work the “no taboo” lines, you have my complete admiration. I couldn’t do it. I know I’ve said you have to develop a tough skin to take these calls, and you do. But to have to take illegal calls… That’s completely beyond me. Eventually this client did hang up, and I wasted no time disconnecting from the service. I’d had enough for one night.

On the bright side I keep hoping I’ll get a repeat performance from my first client, he was fun!

Okay, this is one fetish I just can’t wrap my brain around, well not entirely. And it’s also very hard to find where you cross the line from older man/younger woman to father/daughter. I know, I know. I can just hear all the responses I’ll get to that comment. The truth is, it really is hard to tell. This fetish can take one of two turns. It can simply be an age difference where the male takes a dominant sexual role over a (much) younger woman, usually between the age of 18 and 21. But sometimes it takes an illegal turn. I was unfortunate enough to get a slippery client that changed his fantasy in the middle of the call. It started innocently enough; the client referred to himself as an older man with a preference for younger women. No big deal, I can do that. It went something like this:

Him “So, how old are you?”

Me *giggle* “18,” *giggle*

Him “Mmm, I like ’em young.”

Me “Oh, you don’t sound that old to me…”

Him “Well, I’m 46. I’m old enough to be your father. Doesn’t that bother you?”

Me “No! I like older men.”

You get the idea. The conversation went back and forth for a minute or two and then turned steamy. The client was most interested in how young he imagined my body looked against his and then he began with the “Who’s your Daddy?” comments. Again, nothing unusual until halfway into the fantasy he asks, “You want to get in the shower with me?” Before I can say anything in response he continues with, “Mommy will never know.” Boing! Up went the huge red flag. Crap! How do I get out of it now? According to my contract it clearly states that I’m not allowed to participate in an illegal conversation. Well, what have I been doing up to this point?!? I later found out that if a client changes the topic to taboo, you don’t have to worry. But you can’t use that excuse if you really don’t have a problem with taboo subjects or even encourage them. Most companies record all the calls to protect both their clients and their employees. So what did I do? I pulled out of the conversation as much as possible and simply shut down on him. Maybe I should have hit my mute button to simulate that I hung up on him, or stated quite clearly that I wasn’t comfortable with the conversation. I let him do all the talking and just moaned or sighed whenever I thought it was appropriate. You can hit the mute button; the client will just keep talking until they realize you’re not responding anymore. Or you can say you are no longer comfortable with the fantasy. In my experience, this seems to excite the client even more and they go out of their way to keep going. It’s suddenly a reversal where they apologize for making you uncomfortable then go right back to the taboo topic. I’m not writing this simply to freak anyone out, I’m telling you how to use it to your advantage. After all, most PSOs get paid by the minute, and the more minutes, the better for you. Once the conversation hits a point where you really can’t take it anymore just hit your mute button. Usually, the client knows you’re still there, and then they get down right pissed. Let the insults fly, and they will. No matter how much you may want to, most contracts won’t allow you to insult a client unless it’s a specific request. This is where most PSOs lose their nerve and decide they really can’t stick it out. So what do I do? Light a cigarette and let a few of my own insults fly. Even though the client can’t hear me and I’m not being recorded it still makes me feel better. It also helps if you realize that the client just sounds more like a whiny child than an adult. Pretty soon they get tired of insulting you (or the air really) and they hang up. Then it’s on to the next client, and hopefully a better conversation.

As a phone actress you get to work on the fringes of that elusive industry without actually exposing yourself, unless you choose to. Some women see this as simply a way to make money, and it is. But for some it’s a little more. There are no awards for phone actresses, but to the clients we please we are the girls they never dreamed they could talk to. The longer I do this, the more I realize that I’m not far off my mark. I’m not just a pretty voice on the line, I’m a verbal sexual fantasy. But my life is my own and I don’t have to worry about stalkers – much better, even if the pay isn’t. But the more pressing matter isn’t so much the fact that I do work in the adult entertainment industry, it’s how do I flip that switch from mom/wife to vixen/slut? It’s not the easiest thing to do, I don’t have to strut around in my perfection – Ha! – for my adoring public constantly, but it still takes a little work. Nope, nothing glamorous happens much to a phone sex operator. To create new fantasies I regularly peruse porn magazines that are normally reserved for the male population. Pouring over letters and pictures that I can use to describe sexual encounters during my phone calls. It also helps if you’re somewhat familiar with porn movies. Many clients call for that personal touch while they’re watching one of the many skin flicks that makes some porn stars legendary. All of my interest in porn would probably make the man in my life thrilled if I included him in my “research”. The truth is, I really don’t. I often watch and read and take mental notes, but there is really very little true enjoyment for me. I’m too busy repeating the noises the girls make, memorizing new and sexy phrases and trying to describe the myriad of positions splayed across the pages of Hustler. This is how I mentally prepare myself to stand up to iconic images of client’s fantasies with only my voice. It goes even farther than that though. Attitude is everything and if you’re not in the right frame of mind you have no hope of keeping clients interested. It took me a while to really open my mind to the sexual side of humans. While I don’t bring many ideas from my calls into the bedroom, it has allowed to be less judgemental of others. What once would have turned me off, I now accept with hardly a blink. Being able to think quickly and turn a shy awkward confession into a sultry fantasy takes some practice, but if you familiarize yourself with sex in general, you’ll find it gets easier. It also helps if you can enjoy your own sexual side without setting any judgements on yourself. The public does that enough for us, you don’t need to do it yourself.

Here’s something no one ever considers before thinking about becoming a phone actress. It really is a job. Some days are a breeze, you get great clients, your calls are ten minutes or more and you hardly notice the time gone by. Other nights you are put down and screamed at by clients that only want to degrade and abuse you. Each call feels like an eternity wrapped up in two minutes. Just like any other job, sometimes you have your good days, and sometimes you have the bad. The only real problem is that when you are having a bad day, it’s really bad and you want to stay as far away from that phone as possible. You don’t have a boss hanging over you threatening your job, you don’t have messages waiting in your voice-mail to return, it short – you have no outside incentive to get on that phone and work! Here’s where most PA’s lose their momentum. Now the question isn’t your stamina or your ability. If you’ve gone more than a month in this job, you know you have both. What you’re lacking is the desire to keep taking those calls. Believe me, I know how hard it is to talk to a client that calls you a slut, a whore and any number of other sexually degrading names. Now is when you need to bite the bullet and remember that none of those things are directed at you. It’s your character – assuming you’ve made one, or more – that is on the receiving end. And your character is not real! I know this is hard, I know you just want to go to sleep and pull that nice warm comforter over your head. Remember, I’ve been there too. Occasionally you will read about the stoic resolve of a phone actress getting on and working despite a cold (I’ve read them too). To them I say, “Bite Me!” It’s flu/cold season. I have two children, both in school. There is an endless stream of germs and infections marching in and out of my house this time of year. And the last thing I want to do is scream and moan for a client when my head is pounding, I’m running a fever and my throat is killing me. If I don’t want to work I will try to come up with any number of reasons to stay away from that phone. Now is when you need to put your resolve to the test. This is probably the hardest part of being a PA. I know, because I’m dealing with it now. I can’t just stop working. And yes, the thought has crossed my mind. How do I get past this nasty bump? To be perfectly honest, I don’t know. I’m still working on that one. But I do know that the most important thing you need to do is take better care of yourself in order to stay available for your family, your job and your clients. You know the saying – ‘Take care of yourself first’. I know, I know, it’s just too hard, your too tired, your too sick. Well honey, if you want to make money (and you must or you wouldn’t have started this job at all) you’ve got to suck it up and move on. Take those vitamins, drink lots of water, and eat healthy. Pretty soon you’ll start to feel better. By all means take a night off for that date you made with a wonderful cold medicine that knocks you out, but don’t give up. You’ll come back and when you do, you’ll be better than ever!

As my experience continues to grow in the world of phone sex, I am finally starting to master the mysterious world of verbal Domination. It’s been a tough topic to grasp and I’ve learned the hard way that it takes a gentle touch. If you push a client too far, they hang up; if you don’t go far enough, they hang up. Every time I would hear that dreaded tag line I’d cringe wanting the client to just go away, but they never do. I admit that I still cringe, but now I have some sort of idea of what’s expected… I think. The most common domination fantasies included walking on a client in spiked heeled boots while insulting them. After about five minutes it becomes very difficult to maintain the character. There’s only so many ways you can tell someone how your walking on them in spiked heels. I usually try to throw in some bondage, how severe is up to the client. I might start out saying that I am going to tie their hands behind their back. If they want something more hardcore, they’ll usually interject their opinion here. Usually they want to be cuffed to the bed (for the unimaginative) or nailed to the floor in bondage (for the more experienced). I’ll also experiment with whips. Okay, I admit, this part is down right hard. Trying to bring the experience of a whip to the conversation if well… wierd! You can’t simulate the sound of the whip, nor would I suggest it. Generally I just tell the client that I have a whip and I’m going to use it. Then I count (in my sexiest voice) how many times I whip them. I usually count to three. Beyond that it just sounds silly. If your wondering why it has taken me all this time to get the hang of Domination, there’s a very simple answer. I am not a professional Dominatrix. Most of the clients that request this fetish have mistresses and call to get a “fix” between visits. I can’t compare myself to a trained mistress, and I’ve never even been near a dungeon! These clients know what they want and it’s very hard to duplicate that. But that’s what this job is all about, simulating sexual fantasies. And I’ll keep working at it until I get it right. For those considering this job, I hope this entry has helped the clarify a few things. For those who call in, try to be specific, it’ll make your experience that much better.

I just have to get this out! Without fail, every night I get at least one question that annoys the crap out of me. Usually it’s something along the lines of, “Are you really ______?” Just fill in the blank.

“Are you really 18?”

If they want the honest answer, it’s usually a resounding NO. When it’s comes to this I want to scream with frustration. Most of my clients already know that I’m probably not 18 and they really don’t care. I am a verbal fantasy. My voice is my lure and I use it well. Those who call in should not allow themselves to dwell on how “real” the person they are talking to is. If I describe myself as a 19 year old college sophomore with long blonde hair, blue eyes and a 24″ waist, don’t think about it! Just go with the fantasy, that’s the fun of it. You can imagine I’m a hot little number and enjoy my services, that’s what I’m there for. Believe me I’d like to be 18 again too.

“Are you really wearing stockings?”

Again, I have to say no. If you’ve read my first blog, you know that I work in an office. This requires professional dress. While most men find stockings, heels and a skirt a turn on (including my hubby), most women don’t. After eight hours of running around the skirt feels constricting, the stockings are pinching and the heels are killing me! Sure at eight o’clock in the morning I thought they were pretty hot too, but definitely not at six in the evening.

This is my favorite: “Are you really playing with yourself?”

This one has everyone’s attention who has ever wanted to know anything about phone sex. The truthful answer is… sometimes. Any phone actress may tell you no, she never touches herself, but that is probably a lie. Some clients sound creepy and perverted and give you the heeby jeebies, but on the other end of the spectrum are the clients that have voices that are just the right pitch to make a girl sit up and listen. Think about it. Would you want to talk to a PSA with a squeeky high pitched laugh like Fran Drescher or a sexy drawl like Angelina Jolie? So, back to the original question; when a client has the combination of an incredible voice and describes the sexual fantasy with great detail it’s hard not to be turned on. That doesn’t mean I actually get off, but I certainly am sorry when the call ends.

Sorry it’s been so long. I usually try to post at least once a week, but with the holidays it’s been hard to keep up. I’ve been wanting to blog about the items I use during calls for a while, but there were just too many other things that were way more interesting. Since I’ve started my job as a PSO I’ve learned that it’s a good idea to keep a few things on hand while you’re taking calls. It never occured to me that I might need tools other than my phone and my voice. But if you want to really satisfy your clients and make the experience a little… steamier, these things may help. A couple of nights after starting a client asked if I had any toys, giggling I told him I did. He wanted to hear it! I had a couple of issues with this request. First, the toy in question was across the room and well out of reach of the phone. Second, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to include a personal item in my phone calls, but I decided; what the heck, it can’t hurt anything. I couldn’t believe the reaction I got after I put it up to the phone! Suddenly my client was telling me what to do with the toy, how to use it, etc. Please keep in mind that I don’t actually masturbate on these calls. Who has the energy for that?!? Anyway, the point is, it really made his night. The other item I have found to be very useful is a silk stocking. One of the most common fetishes I get are leg, foot and stocking fetishes. The silk stocking helps me describe the feel and texture with more sensuality than just trying to remember the last time I wore them and what it felt like. When in reality the last time I wore them I couldn’t wait to get home and rip them off. Ahh, the subtle differences between reality and fantasy never fails to amuse me. So along with my silk stocking and sex toy I also keep a legal pad and pen. It helps to record my calls so I can recognize repeat clients and know who they talked to. In case that last statement threw you off a bit, I created characters to help facilitate client’s fantasies. You know – the blonde, blue-eyed babe, the sultry burnette and the naughty red-head. All in all, I have found that all of these things not only keep my clients happy and satisfied, it also helps me to keep it all straight and give them the best experience I can.