9. ARYA STARK AND THE HOUND

Action: Sandor finds out that his precocious traveling companion wants him dead, Arya finds out that Water Dancing just can't stack up against armor and a big f*cking sword.

Verdict: The annoyance that the Hound has for Arya is only surpassed by her hatred for him. And since they're still a long way from the Vale, you have to wonder if they're going to get along well enough to make it.

8. BRAN STARK AND THE FELLOWSHIP

Action: Managed to escape Qarl and the other merry mutineers, murdered Bran's would-be assassin by proxy, and seemingly left their wolf behind.

Verdict: It's great that they're out of that boondoggle with Rast and company, but they're still headed straight for that army of Wildlings that Jon warned Craster's daughterwives about. And if they make it through that, there's the White Walkers as well.

7. BRIENNE AND PODRICK

Action: Brienne finds out that while there might never have been a nobler squire born than Pod, there have certainly been better ones.

Verdict: Oh, how quickly they fall. A poor squire can be a disastrous thing in the field, as we saw tonight in short order. From burning the food to not being able to ride, Pod proves that being a drinking assistant to the rich and powerful isn't exactly a good way to learn how to survive out in the world.

6. HOUSE LANNISTER

Action: Speaking of the rich and powerful, it turns out that they probably aren't any more. On the other hand, Cersei proves that Tywin isn't the only one that knows how the game is played in this family.

Verdict: Unfortunately for Cersei, all that wheeling and dealing she pulled in this episode may be meaningless in the long run, with the revelation that the richest family in Westeros now has a serious lack of riches. It's almost become fascinating to watch how far House Lannister can fall at this point.

5. THE NIGHT'S WATCH

Verdict: A monstrous direwolf is nothing to shake a stick at (seriously, I wouldn't try it), and now they don't have to worry about Mance torturing eleven men to death to find out just how outnumbered he has the Watch.

2. DAENERYS TARGARYEN

Action: Learned that being conquered didn't teach the slavers to be nice, for some reason. Also, that maybe she can take Westeros but probably not but she should still try?

Verdict: As much as people make fun of Jorah out here in real life, he might just have a point. Slaver's Bay is a lost cause, and it might do well for Dany to give it up as a bad job and head for home. History has taught us (and recent history, at that) that being an occupying force tends to end badly for the occupiers. Remember last episode, when she turned "kill the masters" into an inside job? Well, now she's the one inside. How long before "kill the dragons" becomes the hot new graffiti item?

1. LITTLEFINGER

Verdict: Yeah, yeah, he got an impregnable castle, that's great. Did you catch what Lysa was saying, about her poisoning her late husband and blaming the Lannisters for it? Do you remember that that was pretty much what kicked off the entire political plot of the show? No dead Jon Arryn, no Jaime and Cersei in Winterfell to throw Bran from the tower, no Ned in King's Landing, no Cat arresting Tyrion! Littlefinger is behind every event in the series, and nobody knows about it. Holy shit.