Friday, January 22, 2010

Why is it that men here (and by here , I mean most Anglo countries... you know who you are!) have lost their aggressive drive when it comes to pursuing women? I'm sure it's there somewhere, but it seems to have become socially unacceptable for men to openly and actively pursue a woman by, for example, stopping her on the street, approaching her at a cafe, or supermarket, or basically anywhere. The only place it seems appropriate to approach a woman and hit on her is at a bar. And a bar is, of course, not the ideal place to meet anyway.

So what's going on here?! Has modern day feminism castrated the male ego?

I like feminism in theory. I don't think women's only place is in the kitchen. I think women contribute greatly to society, and the economy in so many other ways. And I don't believe women are any less capable than men.

But that doesn't mean I believe men and women are the same, because they're not! I think there's a big difference between treating women fairly in the workplace, and expecting women to be the same as men in all aspects of their lives.

Being treated like a lady is not being anti-feminist. There's nothing wrong with a man offering to help you load the groceries into your car, or offering to open the door for your, and allowing you to get on the train first. These are good things and a sign of good manners! But I have seen, and heard stories, of poor men who will try to be nice and chivalrous, and practically get slapped in the face by some bitchy woman under the guise of "feminism". If a man opens a door for a woman and she says 'who do you think you are, I can open my own door thank you very much', she is not being an empowered and strong feminist, she is just being a rude bitch! What ever happened to good manners? If someone opens the door for you, and you would prefer to open your own door, you can simply say 'that's very thoughtful of you, but no thank you'. These men are not trying to demean a woman by being a gentleman; they are just trying to be nice.

In woman's quest to take over the world (or so it seems), they have forgotten the art of being a lady. Being gracious and polite and smiling a lot have become signs of "weakness". And poor men must be so confused! Apparently it's seen as rude to approach women on the street, to open doors for them, or allow them to go ahead of you in a line. But then they will encounter certain female creatures (like me) who expect to be treated this way, and who get irritated being treated like some sort of "equal" being - this creature will sit in the car as the guy gets out, waiting for the door-opening that never happens... then she will approach the restaurant expecting the guy to open the door for her and allow her through first, but instead she has to open her own door because the guy has already gone into the restaurant ahead of her.... then she will expect the man to pull the chair out for her, but instead the guy just sits wherever he likes without even offering her a seat. And then the poor guy wonders why the evening isn't going very well, and the girl seems irritated with him.

Hasn't anyone realised that demanding to be treated the same as men is actually lowering our standards rather than raising the standard of how a woman is treated?! Frankly, I'm beginning to think that I'd gladly give up my corporate job in exchange for the return of traditional chivalry.

So let's start a new feminist movement! All bitchists must immediately cease and desist their campaign against traditional gender roles, and we must all accept that women and men are different. We should respect women's role in the workforce, but there is no need for women to be treated equally to men. Clearly, we deserve to be treated better than that!

(sidebar: just because we work, does not mean we appreciate being allowed to pay on a first date... expecting a woman to pay on a first date is the dating equivalent to russian roulette, so just pony up that extra $20 if you are hoping for that second date!)

Posted by
Princess T

5
comments:

Oh I really agree with you! I think it's lovely when a guy holds a door open for me or lets me go through the door first, and I always say thank you. (I find that a lot of people don't say thank you very much any more). It's nice to be treated like a lady and appreciated, just as we will do things for men, like let them have the remote control and take turns in getting the drinks in. This doesn't mean men and women aren't equal. It's nice to be nice!

I don't think it has anything to do with feminishm or bitchism. It's just called MANNERS! Like Kate said, when someone holds the door for you, you say "thank you". You can make dinner for a guy and it not being all home-makery. It's called being NICE. Although I do think a guy should pay for the first date, just because. Unless you are both poor. But you wouldn't have that problem because of your rules ;) But after that I might recirpocate by picking up the 2nd. Only fair.

Both of you are right, it is about manners. I just think that, before feminism, guys and girls were taught manners, but in the sense of 'this is how a lady/gentleman is supposed to act'. Now there's no more 'supposed to', but in breaking the mould, it seems we've also lost basic overarching manners.

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Life:I think reciprocating after the first date is very nice - I do that too. For example if a guy invites me to a movie, I'll pick up the snacks. Although I always prefer if a guy doesn't let me :-). But there's something about the first date that's sacred, and for me it's important that a guy invites me. Otherwise I feel we're starting the relationship off on the wrong foot... if he can't even pay for the first day, what is there to look forward to?

I know exactly what you mean. I'm more of an equalist than a feminist. I don't expect men to shave their legs and I don't want them to expect me to build a fence. The roles between men and woman are so different, we are all so different that it's crazy to think we should be treated exactly the same in all aspects.I've long accepted the fact that chivalry is close to being dead. And to be honest, I do blame feminism for that. Men now have the opinion that women don't want to be approached, that we're independant and we go for what we want. What about the ones who don't? Where did we get left out in all of this?

About Me

After ending my long-term relationship with the man previously known as 'the love of my life', I've decided it's time to get back out there! Here are the stories of my (mis)adventures in the dating world. Come along for the ride - it should be fun!
(*illustration by Marcos Chin)