MY SURVIVAL PLAN

I’ve decided to become an expert, but I’m not exactly sure what the subject of my expertise will be.

After the inauguration I said I would go back to reading the news, but that’s not working out so well. I read a headline, my heart rate rises. I read a couple of sentences and my stomach gets all knotted up. And if I fully invest in the whole article? Haven’t tried. I just don’t see how it could end well.

It’s too risky to continue to drop by BuzzFeed for a quiz because they feature headlines of real news. Plus, I think I’ve actually done all their quizzes. Facebook has also become a problem as all my friends keep posting the latest Executive Actions of Doom.

So an expert, I shall become.

Just to be clear, I’m not a big fan of willful ignorance, it can have disastrous consequences, (as an example, you know, for argument’s sake, let’s say our current government) hence the quest for expertise. I’ll be uninformed in one arena, but over -informed in another. It’s all about the balance.

My expertise needs to be knowledge based, as opposed to an actual sport or craft. This is for when I’m at work, and need the distraction. Or at home and I’m tempted to read the news and need an alternative click choice. I’ve narrowed down the criteria for choosing a subject matter:

-A wide range of trivial facts so I’ll look much smarter at Pub Quiz.

-Good anecdotes with which to regale my friends when they are sad because they read the news.

-Something that sounds impressive, although actually being impressive is optional.

-Something that will not make me angry-that’s a good one for eliminating subjects. Out goes Western Religion; Politics; Economics; American History and Modern War (as opposed to say, Greek Wars because they’re ancient, there were no guns and they had some really fancy outfits).

Expert topics currently under consideration:

-Hockey

-Textiles

-Dolphins

-Mid 17th Century North American Fur Trade

-Human Anatomy

-Fruits of the World

So far I’m leaning towards Hockey or Anatomy but I’m open to suggestions. I suppose I could say I was crowd sourcing…but I’m not going to. I will reveal my decision, and some new facts, in my next post.

Tammy, I like the thought. I’m going to add that to the list of possibilities. My conscious knowledge is limited at best, but because I’m Canadian I feel there may be a vast library of information lurking in my subconscious.

Yowza. This idea is making me think way to hard. To become an expert on nothingness? Does that mean doing nothing? Which defeats the purpose of the search for expertise…to do something besides think about Oompa Loompa Twit Twitterer in Chief. Now if you had said an expert in “believe in nothingness” that could have been more plausible. I’d be reading a lot of Russian literature. But nah, I wouldn’t do that either, not really a fun topic to bring up in a crowd. “Hey, you know that Turgenev, he’s a laugh riot!” Thanks for the thoughts. Always happy to hear from a fan, especially when he’s my father.