Netflix cancels plans for Qwikster (perfect timing!)

Less than a month ago, Netflix CEO and Co-Founder Reed Hastings sent all his subscribers a long, personalized email saying “I messed up,” and announcing a plan to split Netflix into two companies — Netflix, which would handle streaming, and Qwikster, a new subsidiary and site which would handle DVD-by-mail services (and remain on the cutting edge of 1999, thanks to the new name). Today, Hastings sent us a new email saying, in essence, that he messed up again, and wouldn’t be splitting into Qwikster after all (Aw, I’m sorry, baby, it’s just, sometimes, Reed gets so scared). It’s all in keeping with the Netflix motto, “Making the right decision, three weeks too late.”

Is it just me, or does he seem way less apologetic this time?

Dear [user]

It is clear that for many of our members two websites would make things more difficult, so we are going to keep Netflix as one place to go for streaming and DVDs. [“A reaction we couldn’t possibly have anticipated by asking three people beforehand…” -Ed.]

This means no change: one website, one account, one password… in other words, no Qwikster.

While the July price change was necessary, we are now done with price changes.

We value our members, and we are committed to making Netflix the best place to get movies & TV shows.

Thank you.

-Reed

What, no long discussion of where we are in the relationship? No explanation of feelings that led to the current decision? No musings on what this means for our future? Last time, Reed even made a personalized video address, prompting one user to remark, “Reed looks gay, i thought one could trust﻿ gays?”

This time, just a terse email with no formal closing. Jeez, the bloom must really be off the rose. It’s like he’s heard so many complaints about hurt feelings that he’s become numb to them. At this rate, three months from now, Reed’s going to be cancelling our dinner plans without explanation via text message. “Out for drinks w/the boys. Be home late, dont wait up. -Reedster”

In any case, so long, Qwikster, we hardly knew ye. Seriously though, we didn’t know you at all. (*pours out original-formula Four Loko on patch of ground where Pets.com puppet is buried*)