Effing Feline discusses Shakespeare

I, Effing Feline, write this weekly column on behalf of my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. I’ve actually behaved myself this week — boring, I know — and I have no witty anecdote to share. Even Shakespeare had off days. Witness The Two Gentlemen of Verona.

Today’s snippet will be one of the last from Thimbleriggers, a story in Future Love, Mr V’s new release. Twenty-something pornographer Aldous has used an experimental device to buy, for resale, 90-year-old Kathy’s erotic memories while he ‘watches’ and is deeply affected. After the recording session, Kathy confronts him with the realization that he has fallen in love with her.

“I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly. I thought it might take a couple of sessions.” Kathy reached into a drawer of the coffee table and pulled out a pink estimate of services from University Research Hospital. “This is the cost of David’s procedure. If you want more of my experiences, you’ll have to multiply your stated rates by a factor of two-point-three-eight. On the second sheet, I calculated the fees for the next twelve sessions. We have a year—eleven months and ten days, now—to raise the money.”

His fingertips brushed hers as he took the papers. She allowed the contact.

Effing Feline again. Actually, I’ve never seen The Two Gentlemen of Verona (or any other Shakespeare). However, I heard on the Internet that it’s baaaad, and if it’s on the Web it must be true, right?

The time limit has to do with how long the hospital will keep her husband in stasis. If she hasn’t raised the cash for the procedure by then, they’ll pull the plug on him. (Folks from the States should be able to figure out what I’m satirizing here.)

I don’t like him at all, but I do feel just a tiny bit sorry for him. He is being taken advantage of, just like he was doing to her. Though at least she’s just asking for what she needs, not whatever she can get!