Fort Worth, TX – The Occupational Safety And Health Administration fined local real estate firm Close Enough Housing was $50,000 after receiving multiple anonymous reports that realtors were being forced to participate in Oklahoma tackling drills, which have been banned at the high school, college, and professional realty-level. Assistant Secretary of Labor Loren Sweatt told reporters that, “while it may have been acceptable to have rookie realtors ram each other repeatedly until only one was standing, nowadays everyone’s all uptight about concussions and other made up bullsh—.”

Despite the fine, Close Enough Housing president Jackson Paxton showed no regret about subjecting his realtors to Oklahomas, instead decrying “the softness of the realty league.”

“Unfortunately, just like our country, realty is no longer a man’s league,” bemoaned Paxton. “Back in my day, if another realtor put in a better offer on a ranch house, I’d just tackle that sumbitch through the garage-adjacent mud room and onto the lovely, serenity-inspiring backyard, perfect for hosting any family event.”