This Beer Brings Shame Upon Us

Michelob Ultra Dragon Fruit Peach Beer “serves up a mythical blend of rich malts and select hops,” according to its website. Michelob Ultra Dragon Fruit Peach Beer is “the absolute most shame-inducing concept for a beer this side of Bubblegum-Flavored Beachtime Barbie Brew, which, upon further consideration, is actually a better idea than the Michelob concept,” according to this reviewer. The women of America can’t possibly fall for this. And Lord knows the men damn sure won’t.

Since Dragon Fruit Peach is part of the Michelob Ultra series—beers that are touted as representing “superior light beer” but are still chained by macrobrew limitations in terms of cost and manufacturing practices—expectations for taste were pretty moderate at best. Even so this stuff managed to disappoint. It smelled like apricot gummy bears, and tasted peachy and floral with a bit of malt, then water, then a hollow hard-water finish. This is not a beer to share with your local cicerone unless you’re looking to provoke an extended sarcastic reaction.

Thus: While not as bad as some of the other female-targeted booze I’ve been compelled to swill in recent months, this should be nobody’s go-to beer. If you’ve got to drink a Coors Light or a hipster-certified PBR as an easy alternative, do so. Keep your dignity intact. This applies equally to either gender.