Of the vast multitude of things one could choose to write a holiday song about, a surprising (i.e. non-zero) number are about women cheating on their significant others with jolly old Saint Nick. We tackle two songs on this theme – one a charming but baffling classic, and the other a somewhat explicit song about Santadultery from the short-lived swing craze of the 1990s. It is… really something. Uh, this kind of started out as a Mother’s Day episode? We’re sorry.

In this episode, we review and rank the B-Sides to the classic tracks that we explored last week! Will they be hidden gems or dusty duds? Was Bobby Helms actually a parody artist? Are Christmas Librarians a thing? Brenda Lee, will you come on our podcast?

Jingle horse, jingle horse, jingle horse rock. Jingle horse chime in jingle horse time. Join RJ and Ian as they ponder the definition of rock, the powerful voice of young Brenda Lee, and of course, the nature of Jingle Horse.

Ian and RJ get back to their list of requests in this episode and review two idiosyncratic Christmas songs by masters of the keys, “Star of Wonder” by Tori Amos and “December Will Be Magic Again” by Kate Bush. While trying to interpret these haunting seasonal tunes, the conversation turns to vampires, ghosts, sexism in the music industry, and RJ’s personal Tori Amos Moment. Thanks so much to Sarah for requesting “Star of Wonder”! You can check out Sarah’s creations on soundcloud (https://soundcloud.com/jatfa) and youtube (https://www.youtube.com/user/excepttheweasels)!

Our list of the best and worst holiday music is rapidly expanding, but mostly from the middle. In this episode, we aim high… and low. Two artistic collaborations covering the semi-classic “Little Drummer Boy” provide a roller coaster of quality that bring RJ and Ian to edge of euphoria and despair. Also, Justin Bieber raps about Jesus.

Due to technical difficulties, Ian and RJ are unable to bring you the totally great, insightful, hilarious, avant-garde, award-worthy episode that they recorded this week. Instead, please enjoy this minisode, in which we explain the situation and review a pair of RJ’s Christmas socks. We also introduce a very special new intro and outro for minisodes! Thanks for listening, and we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming next week.

Mount your noble Christmas steed and join us on this long, winding journey through two bizarre Christmas songs about festive animal companions. We review and rank the unfortunate earworm “Dominic the Donkey” and the inexplicable but eminently enjoyable “Christmas Unicorn”. Mentioned in this week’s episode: Sufjan Stevens’ 100 Christmas Songs Ranked from Best to Worst: http://www.theverge.com/2014/12/9/7333319/sufjan-stevens-christmas-songs-ranked and Gunnarolla, creator of YouTube gems such as Canadian Please: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWQf13B8epw.

It’s a very oughties x-mas this week as Ian and RJ cover two listener requests that are new to their ears, yet remarkably recognizable. A love song by Paper Route and a break-up song by Hello Saferide have us reminiscing on the musical trends of the recent past and feeling embarrassed about high school. Thank you to Time Machine for the request! You can follow Time Machine on tumblr at timemachineyeah.tumblr.com.

Things get a little dark, a little bright, and more than a little musical theater-y. Ian and RJ get some more Christmas classics into the mix this week with two songs about looking on the bright side during hard times – “We Need A Little Christmas” from the Broadway musical Mame and “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” from the film Meet Me In St. Louis.