It’s been over three weeks, actually two days and three weeks. Our friends Robin and Adam sent us a photo canvas of you. It is one of our favorite photos of you wearing your Disney Princess sunglasses. We placed the canvas on the mantle. Now when we see the photo, your dad and I smile.

I didn’t have a headache when I woke up this morning. I decided it was time to make the effort to drink more water and take better care of ourselves. Although, I don’t know if your dad is ready to cut down on his chocolate cake consumption because I saw him try to sneak a back up cake into the house yesterday because there wasn’t much left of his other cake and this made me laugh.

Yesterday your dad carefully placed translucent ultraviolet decals in the shape of hummingbirds and butterflies on the windows surrounding your sun room. Lately we have been hearing birds crashing into the windows and it breaks our hearts. We don’t remember this happening and are wondering if you keeping watch kept the birds from flying super close to the windows. The decals will act like a stop sign for the birds. They will see the blue shape and veer off in time. So your dad made sure to not only place the decals on the sun room windows but on all windows, just to be safe. The decals are barely visible to us but the birds can seem them clearly.

Just when your dad got the ladder out to apply the decals, a grackle collided with a window on the sun room and we found the poor thing stunned and lying on his back in the grass. He was breathing and able to move his head. He was disoriented and terrified. When birds fly into windows, they can be temporarily incapacitated due to swelling of the brain. So I watched him and he carefully turned over and was able to look around and move his wings.

Waiting, watching and hoping. This reminded me of your dad and I waiting, watching and hoping you would be alright.

I watched the other birds going about their business from inside the sun room. Flying, eating and singing. And I thought about how it feels to be in a funeral procession staring out at the world from behind the car window watching everyone going about their every day lives while your mind tries to catch up, understand and accept the loss of a loved one.

This little bird. Was he recovering or was he suffering. I kept vigil standing above your heated thinking circle and felt helpless.

Our world changes when we lose someone. The change is subtle but things just don’t ever seem to look the same again. It reminds me of the color gels used for stage lighting. Everything seems to be a different hue. It is subtle yet profound.

At dusk I went out to check on the little grackle At first I rejoiced as I thought he had flown away but then I saw him. He must have struggled to make it to the center of the yard. And that was the last of his fight. He was gone. I wept for this little grackle. I felt so sad that he was suffering.

I came back inside and just shook my head when Paul looked at me. He said I am so sorry. I know, I answered and we sat at the kitchen counter, just the two of us. You weren’t there for me to scoop up and hug but I closed my eyes and remembered how it felt to hold you and kiss you on the temple right in front of your ear.

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katsrus

Big hugs. Love the photo of Gracey. Just adorable.
Sue B

Sherri Hildebrandt

Just read your previous post (Ashes) and was crying my eyes out, and this one is doing the same. I have the exact feelings as Ann Hartley, a previous poster: “Through you I loved Gracey so much. She was supposed to be with us all forever!” Please keep sharing your thoughts with us … I feel that this is a journey many of us are taking with you and Paul – a little bit, at least – and it is helping to remember what is really valuable in life.

Sherri, you have been a part of The Tiniest Tiger community from the start. We can’t thank you enough for your love and support of Gracey and the community. I promise we will be sharing the happy times soon. I

This made me cry.. So sorry that Gracey is not there to keep watch and protect the grackles. I know that she is, and always will be, there in spirit. I’m happy that you are continuing her watch with butterflies and birds. Don’t eat too much chocolate cake, but definitely eat a little. Perhaps it is time to welcome a cat or kitten who is in need of a home into your family – it just may help keep the light that Gracey so nobly carried, burning bright. And the grackles need some extra guidance. 🙂

You are such a great writer, is there a full-length book about Gracey in the works? I follow a lot of cats & I tried to blog for my cats for a while. It isn’t easy. You & Gracey were fun & now you are making me cry. I get lost in my daughter’s stuff, and my boyband habit but I will always be glad I follow you. Babbling because I’m so emotional, sorry.

Lisa, thank you so much for being a part of The Tiniest Tiger community. We have a few things in the works. I will let you know about them soon. We will begin celebrating Gracey’s life with us soon and hope you will join us. I promise we will smile and laugh!

katboxjanitor

Gracey was an amazing kitty to inspire you to achieve your degree and to share that learning and love with us. Your love for her makes me cry…but I am glad you are willing to share your grief with us.

Thank you for reading. So many of us go through this process and a few have sent me messages that they didn’t have anyone close to them that understood. I am so happy our community is here to support everyone that loses a loved one. Gracey would like that.

Sue, I am sorry for making you cry. We will celebrate the happier times very soon. I hope you will join us.

Robin Olson

Tears here for you, Paul, Gracey and the little grackle. I hate death. I hate the change in the way things feel—uncomfortable, not-right, never-the-same. It’s all so terribly sad. Lots of love and hugs and don’t feel guilty about Paul eating his cake. Let him enjoy it. Life is too short. xoxoxo

Thank you, Denise. We are starting to smile and thinking of the happy times with Gracey. We will start to celebrate her life very soon.

Ann Hartley

Oh dear, I can barely make myself read your Messages to Gracey. They are so touching, so beautiful, so sad. Through you I loved Gracey so much. She was supposed to be with us all forever! I am so sorry for your loss and your sorrow.
Ann

It would never have been enough time, another year, another five years, it just would never have been enough time with her. She was supposed to be with us forever. We can keep all of our loved ones forever in our hearts. Thank you for being a part of The Tiniest Tiger community.

Welcome to The Tiniest Tiger Community

Hi, I'm Joanne and I love all cats. With a Global Field Master of Zoology degree focused on big cat conservation, I like to learn and talk about big cats too. I share my habitat with Paul and we were adopted by our cats Annie, Eddie and Mercy. The Tiniest Tiger has a fierce following of cat lovers and we'd love it, if you'd join us.