I'm still trying to understand, though, why you cared when people cut and ate the cakes at their tables? I know I am missing something. Really, I am sure you did have a good reason. And it worked out beautifully, and your guests had a great time, and that is what is important.

I'm not the OP but I can say why I would wait and would want everyone to wait, etc. To me, the cake cutting is a ritual, and part of the overall ceremony of the wedding itself, no less symbolic then the first dance. The cake is cut together and the bride and groom then feed each other - this symbolizes the promise in their new relationship status to care for one another and bringing sweetness to one another's lives. So just as you wouldn't jump up and say "aww I love this song!" and go out and start dancing with your husband to the couples first dance (unless its somehow indicated for everyone to please join them), so too should you not cut the cake and partake in it before the bride & groom unless specifically indicated to.

No the sky won't fall if you cut into the cake early but its just, I don't know, ungracious so something feeling to me. Cake at a wedding is more then just cake, its wedding cake.

I don't get the analogy...? The "first dance" isn't a performance; once the HC starts to dance it is the signal that the dancing part of the evening has begun and that everyone (that wants to) is welcome to join in. You don't just sit like a lump during the entire first song watching the HC.

As for the cake, though, common sense should dictate that you don't cut the centerpiece until you are told it's time to!

Logged

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

I don't get the analogy...? The "first dance" isn't a performance; once the HC starts to dance it is the signal that the dancing part of the evening has begun and that everyone (that wants to) is welcome to join in. You don't just sit like a lump during the entire first song watching the HC.

Actually, I can't remember ever going to a wedding where the guests didn't sit and watch the first dance.

However, even if you do it your way, the analogy still works. You don't start dancing till the HC starts dancing (whether you take that to mean "after they're done with their first dance" or "after they've started their first dance") and you don't dig into the cake until they've started cutting cake.

Hmmm...is a ritual cake-cutting a part of the ceremony for most people in your circle? I'm a little lost on this one because I don't think I've ever seen it at any wedding reception I've been a guest at. Normally the cake is sort of laying about on the buffet table and people wander up and help themselves.

I think if there had been a cake on my table, I'd have assumed it was fair game once the dinner was finished, unless I was told otherwise, so I can't blame the person who cut into it.

I've never visited a wedding website or wedding Facebook page for instructions on when to cut/not cut cake, so I doubt I would have noticed. If this isn't something that is clearly Not Done in your culture, I'd let it go. I doubt the person meant to usurp anything. It was likely just a misunderstanding.

Hmmm...is a ritual cake-cutting a part of the ceremony for most people in your circle? I'm a little lost on this one because I don't think I've ever seen it at any wedding reception I've been a guest at. Normally the cake is sort of laying about on the buffet table and people wander up and help themselves.

Aside from all of my experiences, and from movies and TV shows, there have been enough threads on this board and articles across the web, about wedding cake cutting (smashing, using an alternative dessert, having special cake cutters, etc) that I feel safe saying that the couple cutting the first pieces of wedding cake as an important thing, is a rather common across a lot of circles.

I'm not sure if "ritual" or "ceremony" are the right term (although I don't necessarily think either is wrong), but its a pretty normal and common thing to expect to witness at a wedding reception. I personally have never heard of even the most casual wedding just putting cake out, its always a case of the newlyweds cutting it first.

Hmmm...is a ritual cake-cutting a part of the ceremony for most people in your circle? I'm a little lost on this one because I don't think I've ever seen it at any wedding reception I've been a guest at. Normally the cake is sort of laying about on the buffet table and people wander up and help themselves.

Most people I know who have gotten married, yes, there is a specific point in the reception when the bride and groom first cut into the cake. After that, yes, people go up and get it. Sometimes this is organized and sometimes it's more wandering. But nobody eats the cake until the bride and groom cut it.

The little cakes on each table are not something I've seen, but I think it was a cute and original idea.

I think you'd find in most of the western world, NOT cutting the wedding cake ceremonially would be outside the norm- you can even buy "cake cutting" sets- and an engraved silver set is a common gift dating back a long way- I have one that belonged to a great-great grandparent. Wedding cake ceremonies date back at least as far as the Romans. I've certainly never seen someone help themselves to a wedding cake before it was cut and served. Now- I can see how a tasty cake on a table in front of you might have served as a greater temptation to someone- or they might have honestly just forgotten they were to wait.

Logged

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. ~ Jack Layton.

Thanks, WillyNilly, Yvaine and Rohanna for explaining the cake-cutting thing. I don't think that's something I've ever seen in person.

The last two weddings I went to didn't even have cake, much to my disappointment. I love cake! I'm in the Western World (to use Rohanna's phrasing) -- I live in Canada -- so perhaps the cake cutting ritual is a generational thing that I've missed out on?

If your experience matches the OP's, and she reasonably expected that all of her guests would know the ritual (unlike me), I can see why she was confused.

Thanks, WillyNilly, Yvaine and Rohanna for explaining the cake-cutting thing. I don't think that's something I've ever seen in person.

The last two weddings I went to didn't even have cake, much to my disappointment. I love cake! I'm in the Western World (to use Rohanna's phrasing) -- I live in Canada -- so perhaps the cake cutting ritual is a generational thing that I've missed out on?

If your experience matches the OP's, and she reasonably expected that all of her guests would know the ritual (unlike me), I can see why she was confused.

I think we're about the same age and I'm in the "Western world" too, so who knows?

New poster here, hey all. Also from Canada, attended many a wedding throughout various provinces and states over the last, oh, 30 years - cake cutting at probably 90% of them. Not mine, though, ha! Though people all figured out to politely save the cupcakes until after the meal without the need for announcements to that end.

I think the multi-cakes as centerpieces sounds great! I bet it looked very pretty.

I think we're about the same age and I'm in the "Western world" too, so who knows?

Hah, very true -- who knows. I didn't mean to start any debate over what is/isn't done in most weddings/cultures/age groups, just to note that if I hadn't read the OP's wedding website (and let's be honest...I wouldn't have) I don't know that I'd have realized the cake on my table was supposed to be eaten at a specific time. So I would chalk it up to one of those quirks of a variety of guests not all having the same expectations and experiences, rather than someone trying to deliberately wreck the OP's plans.

Oh of course, I think the OP should jump to the kindest conclusions about the guest's motives (even just for herself, to have happier thoughts about her wedding). Hopefully the guest honestly didn't realize, or was just so tempted she forgot herself.

I just totally get why OP honestly didn't think it was necessary to make more then a passing reference about the request to not dig into the cakes because she thought it was pretty normal for guests to hold back on cake at a wedding until officially prompted (despite cake being on the table).

I'm glad I read this thread, because if there was a cake sitting on my table the whole time at the reception, it would not have occurred to me that I wasn't supposed to eat it whenever I was ready to. I guess I wouldn't have connected "cake sitting on my table" with "wedding cake that the bride and groom cut." To me they would have been two totally separate things--yes, at all the weddings I've attended, the bride and groom cutting their cake is a big thing, but I would never have realized they had dominion over all cakes at the reception. I'm afraid the only thing that would have kept me from tackling that cake on my table was not wanting to look greedy to the other guests by being the first to suggest cutting the cake!

For brides planning to use this idea in the future (and I think it sounds like a lot of fun, especially if you're going to invite me!) I think a couple of cards at the table asking people to please not eat "the centerpiece" until later would be a good idea, just in case it doesn't occur to anyone at the table to wait.

I'm glad I read this thread, because if there was a cake sitting on my table the whole time at the reception, it would not have occurred to me that I wasn't supposed to eat it whenever I was ready to. I guess I wouldn't have connected "cake sitting on my table" with "wedding cake that the bride and groom cut." To me they would have been two totally separate things--yes, at all the weddings I've attended, the bride and groom cutting their cake is a big thing, but I would never have realized they had dominion over all cakes at the reception. I'm afraid the only thing that would have kept me from tackling that cake on my table was not wanting to look greedy to the other guests by being the first to suggest cutting the cake!

For brides planning to use this idea in the future (and I think it sounds like a lot of fun, especially if you're going to invite me!) I think a couple of cards at the table asking people to please not eat "the centerpiece" until later would be a good idea, just in case it doesn't occur to anyone at the table to wait.

This is exactly what I was trying to say. You put it perfectly. It just wouldn't have occurred to me that the cakes on the table were somehow extensions of THE Wedding Cake (maybe if they each had three tiers and a bride and groom on top). It would just have looked to me like the dessert, which happened to be cake, and we were supposed to serve ourselves.

As to wanting the centerpieces to last -- well, how many more minutes are we even talking about here? I really don't think it would affect the look of the room appreciably.

I'm glad I read this thread, because if there was a cake sitting on my table the whole time at the reception, it would not have occurred to me that I wasn't supposed to eat it whenever I was ready to. I guess I wouldn't have connected "cake sitting on my table" with "wedding cake that the bride and groom cut." To me they would have been two totally separate things--yes, at all the weddings I've attended, the bride and groom cutting their cake is a big thing, but I would never have realized they had dominion over all cakes at the reception. I'm afraid the only thing that would have kept me from tackling that cake on my table was not wanting to look greedy to the other guests by being the first to suggest cutting the cake!

For brides planning to use this idea in the future (and I think it sounds like a lot of fun, especially if you're going to invite me!) I think a couple of cards at the table asking people to please not eat "the centerpiece" until later would be a good idea, just in case it doesn't occur to anyone at the table to wait.

This is exactly what I was trying to say. You put it perfectly. It just wouldn't have occurred to me that the cakes on the table were somehow extensions of THE Wedding Cake (maybe if they each had three tiers and a bride and groom on top). It would just have looked to me like the dessert, which happened to be cake, and we were supposed to serve ourselves.

As to wanting the centerpieces to last -- well, how many more minutes are we even talking about here? I really don't think it would affect the look of the room appreciably.

I like your wording for a card.

Do we even know they waited till after dinner? I'm picturing them digging in before dinner, maybe while waiting for dinner. And I think the lack of cake servers might have also been a clue.