Condition one: “There is one condition if he wants to remain here,” Putin said in a press conference earlier today. “He must stop his work aimed at damaging our American partners. As odd as it may sound from me.” Perhaps “rule” was an unfair exaggeration: there is merely rule, singular. Echoing Putin’s comments, a Russian government flack told USA Today: “We’re no longer in the Cold War. Eavesdropping on friends is unacceptable.”

The friendship arcs of any group of teenagers can confirm: trash-talking a mutual friend is intrinsically a short-lived and arguably myopic means of forging intimacy. Sooner rather than later, one’s interlocutor will realize that someone capable of betraying, say, John Kerry is likewise probably capable (and willing) of betraying Vladimir Putin. Trust will diminish and eventually evaporate. Again, this isn’t the Psi Ep house during Greek Week: Putin doesn’t have to let Snowden hang out just because he’s rushing.