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Friendships are some of the most important relationships that we have in our lives. Healthy friendships can be fun and fulfilling. They are full of trust and respect. True friendships take work and require honesty.

Some friendships can be toxic and unhealthy. They are usually made up of distrust and have a lack of respect. Unfortunately, most people learn they have an unhealthy friendship the hard way. They are sometimes betrayed by their “friend” or left with no support during a time of need.

We can’t control what other people do, but we can control ourselves. So, what kind of friend are you? Think about all of your friendships. Are they different from one another? Why?

Take this quiz from Nancy Rue’s book Girl Politics to get an idea of the type of friend that you are. Try to be honest with your answers. I took the quiz (while thinking of different friends) and learned a lot about why some of my friendships feel better than others.

(This quiz can also be found at faithgirlz.com.)

1. I’m honest with my friend…

2. When my friend and I have problems, I…

a. always talk to her about themb. figure it’s probably my fault and try to fix myselfc. don’t bring it up because she might not be my friend anymored. tell other people what she’s doing that I can’t stand

3. When my friend and I are WAY getting along, I…

a. tell her how cool she isb. smile to myself and hope it keeps upc. don’t say anything because I might jinx itd. Tell her this is the way it has to be all the time or I’m out of there

4. When my friend has something to tell me, I…

a. listen the way she listens to meb. think about what I’m going to say when she’s through that’s just as coolc. don’t say anything while she’s talking, because she’d cut me off anywayd. listen until it starts driving me nuts

5. When my friend is upset, I…

a. do what she needs me to do (let her cry, bring her cookies, give her a hug, whatever I know works for her)b. am always afraid I’m going to say something stupidc. agree with whatever she says so she won’t get upset at med. give her advice as soon as I get what she’s talking about (or she’ll go on for days)

6. If somebody’s being mean to my friend, I…

a. stand up for herb. tell her I would never be mean to herc. be extra careful not to be mean to her myselfd. take care of it for her because she’s kind of a wimp when it comes to stuff like that

7. If something way cool happens to me, I…

a. can’t wait to tell my friend, because it’s even cooler when she squeals with meb. wonder if my friend is going to think it’s as cool as I doc. try not to make it sound as cool as it is so my friend doesn’t get jealous that it didn’t happen to herd. tell my friend right away because she’s always trying to be cooler than me (and I hate that)

8. If my friend tells me a secret and I promise not to tell, I…

a. keep it to myself because she trusts meb. only tell people I trust who I want to be friends with tooc. don’t tell anybody because if I did and she found out, she would totally hate me foreverd. only tell other people if she does something that makes me mad

9. When my friend does something, well, lame, I …

a. laugh with her so she doesn’t feel stupidb. wait to see how she feels about it and then do the same (laugh, cry, hide my head in a bag)c. pretend I didn’t notice so she doesn’t take her embarrassment out on med. laugh my head off because she’s such a klutz all the time

10. I think my friend will always be there…

a. because we treat each other super wellb. if I can be as cool as she isc. if she doesn’t get mad at med. because she knows she needs me

Add it Up!

To understand what your answers mean, copy down the answer grid below on another sheet of paper. Then write the letter for the answer you gave to each of the questions next to the number. (You’ll notice that the numbers are not in order).

Honesty Respect Support______1 ______4 ______5______2 ______8 ______6

Sharing Trust______3 ______9______7 ______10

What’s it All Mean?

Your A answers tell you that you’re the kind of friend that every girl wants in the areas of honesty, respect, support, caring, and trust. You basically know how to be a great pal when it comes to those things. Now look at your b, c, and d answers, because those are your challenges for being a best friend in every way.

Your B answers show you the areas that you tend to let your friend make the decisions about your friendship. It’s good to take other people’s feelings into consideration, but you need to be your true self as well. Work on feeling more confident about being honest, confronting problems, and just relaxing and being authentic with your girlfriends. You’ll find out that you are SO worth being friends with.

Your c answers answers help you see the ways that you are somewhat afraid of your friend. Will she be mad at you? Will she think you are stupid? Will she get jealous? Will she dump you? In a real friendship, both girls are equal. Maybe you need to work on those things with your friend—or look for other friends who don’t expect you to tiptoe around them.

Your D answers are in the areas that you really don’t have respect for your friend and may be hurting her without even knowing it. No friend gets to be the boss of the other, or the friendship will fall apart—and that’s not usually pretty. You need to work to find a way to be your strong, confident, go-getter self without knocking your buds down in the process. Once you do, your friendships will rock!