First, copy editing type nonsense:

	In sections 1.3, 1.4 and 1.6 the phrase "Q-Link Commodore 64" should
read "Commodore 64 Q-Link" in order to correspond with the phrasing in the
other definitions.

	In section 2.1 the phrase "...on the Q-Link under..." should read
"...on the Q-Link system under..."


Weird turns of phrase:

In both

	1.15. "Object Construction Kit" means the software to allow third-
	party developers to add new objects to the basic object set or
	advanced object set which Lucasfilm may develop as an enhancement to
	the Public MicroCosm system release.

and

	1.22. "Universe Construction Kit" means the software to allow third
	party developers to add new universes to the MicroCosm system which
	Lucasfilm may develop as an enhancement to the Public MicroCosm system
	release.

What thing the pronoun "which" refers to is ambiguous.  It should refer to
"...the software..." but its placement in the sentence makes it appear to
refer to something else, even though it doesn't really make sense for it to do
so.

In

	14.2.  If Quantum approves the Detailed Design Specifications, the
	balance of the contract price of Two Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
	Dollars shall be paid to Lucasfilm in the amounts and at the times set
	forth in Exhibit B, upon satisfactory completion of the corresponding
	deliverables.

It is not clear that you mean that the balance of the contract price *is*
$225K.  Rather, this implies that the contract price itself is $225K and that
you are refering to what is left of that amount (i.e., in our case $200K if
they already paid $25K).

Terminology:

	Section 1.3 defines "Avatar Personalization Kit" and refers to
"avatar" in the definition.  Should we define avatar or is the attached
specification exhibit sufficient to cover that?

	In section 4.16 it says "Develop demo of...".  Is "demo" a proper word
to use in a contract?

	In section 5.12 it says "The monthly reports shall continue until
Beta-testing for the MicroCosm system is completed."  What do we mean by
"Beta-testing" and what does it mean for it to be completed?

Misc:

	Section 1.8 defines "Commodore 64 Q-Link Subscriber" with reference to
Commodore 64 and Commodore 128 computers.  What about future Commodore 64
compatible machines that Commodore might produce (or ones produced by a third
party equipment maker for that matter)?

	Sections 9.3, 16, 20 and 22 in my copy of the contract simply say
"text to be supplied by LFL" or some such.  This is fine by me, but I really
want to see the text for section 16, Warranty Of Software Functions, before
we sign.

The Definitions:

	Other than the grammatical problems discussed I have few quibbles.
However, the term "Story Elements" ought to be "Fantasy Elements" or something
else similar to that, since what we are dealing with is not a story-oriented
medium nor a story-like product.  Also, the separation of MicroCosm into
System Elements and Story (or Fantasy) Elements may solve some legal hassles
for you guys, but I have some small problems with it since the dividing line
between the two is VERY blurry.  We need to discuss this in greater detail.
