10 Practical Pieces of Advice for First-Time Parents
1. Remember that everything is temporary. Everything — the good, the bad, and the painful — is fleeting.
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As Jim O’Shaughnessy <anchor>says</anchor>, “We could be living through one of the most interesting periods of human history, and you have a chance to narrate it for yourself and your children. I’ve long advocated writing continuous letters to your kids, but given all the changes we’re living through, it might give you an extra special opportunity to let your kids see it all unfold.”
Why Writing Letters to Your Kids Is the Best Gift You Can Give Them as Adults
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# Why Writing Letters to Your Kids Is the Best Gift You Can Give Them as Adults

### Writing clarifies. It illuminates.



Nov 28, 2021

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#### Why Writing Letters to Your Kids Is the Best Gift You Can Give Them as Adults

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Jim O’Shaughnessy is a Wall Street legend and the founder, chairman, and chief investment officer of O’Shaughnessy Asset Management, which has $6.2 billion in assets under management.

He is also my friend, so I asked him to write a guest column that has nothing to do with his role as an investor. In this post, O'Shaughnessy reflects on his most important role: a father.

—

#### Why Writing Letters to Your Kids Is the Best Gift You Can Give Them as Adults



“Letters are among the most significant memorial a person can leave behind them.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I’ve always believed in the written word. Having to put your thoughts in writing helps you understand if you clearly understand what—and how—you want to say something. And if you keep written journals, there is simply no way to let hindsight bias take over, for there, in your own hand, is what you thought about something at the time, with revisions through selective memory impossible.

Writing clarifies. It illuminates. It helps you follow your own growth (or decay) in the way you look at the world and how your ideas have changed—or remained the same—over the course of your life. As someone with boxes and boxes of old journals, if I want to know what 21-year-old me thought about something, all I must do is pull out that journal and read. Sometimes I’m amazed by how much my views have changed—often dramatically—as I have made my way through life.

Yet equally telling is how little some of my foundational beliefs have changed. For the most part, I find that that, if anything, they have become stronger, better articulated, and better supported.

I’m a big believer in reading as much as you can that takes the other side of what you think. We’re all subject to confirmation bias, and a great habit to build is to always search out beliefs that counter your own. If they make you change your mind, as has happened with me, then your original belief really wasn’t that sound to begin with, so, by always challenging yourself, you make your thinking stronger and more truly reasoned.

You should also try to seek out the best arguments for things you don’t agree with—called creating a “Steelman” as opposed to the far more common “Strawman.” You’ll often see nothing but Strawman arguments in popular media and I’ve sadly concluded that, for the most part, popular media stopped presenting serious, well-articulated essays that might help sway you to a different point of view. But there are more great, serious essays available today to all of us than ever before—it’s part of what I call “The Great Reshuffle” which is the ongoing transformation of almost every aspect of our lives that technologies and inventions are ramping up for society at an exponential rate.

We could be living through one of the most interesting periods of human history, and you have a chance to narrate it for yourself and your children. I’ve long advocated writing continuous letters to your kids, but given all the changes we’re living through, it might give you an extra special opportunity to let your kids see it all unfold.

This compels me to again urge every parent reading this to get in the habit of writing your children a series of letters so that they too can understand you, and, with luck, themselves better. Having to articulate thoughts in a letter allows you and your children time to reflect on things in a way that is often difficult in the day-to-day events of your lives together.

It’s something that I always wish my dad had done, as we had a rather difficult time understanding each other and I think a series of letters from him would have helped me understand him much better than I ultimately did.

Ideally, you should start as soon as you can and continue to write over the years. I started when my son, Patrick, was 7 days old and continued until my last child turned 21. As each child hit 21, my wife—the true marvel in the parenting hall of fame–would select photos and publish the letters in book form for each of my kids. The last letter of each book was written specifically to the child the book was for, but otherwise, all the letters were for all my kids.

Below is the first letter I wrote, which I hope spurs you on to do this for your kids. Rarely are things 100 percent win/win, but in the case of letters for your kids, that’s the reward for taking the time as your kids grow to have a conversation with the adult they will become.

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4 Comments





I created email addresses for both of my kids and send them emails occasionally. It is hard to look back on those experiences with the same emotions, so it's good to capture them while they are fresh. Great article!

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Wonderful suggestion. I am a father of 1.5 months old baby-girl and I am starting this practise now.

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