Monthly Archives: July 2016

I stopped eating meat a few years ago. I didn’t really like meat THAT much. And I absolutely cannot stand when you get a questionable piece of meat that bounces back. So I stopped and haven’t missed meat at all. But that said. I REALLY, REALLY REALLY HATE CUCUMBERS AND SPROUTS. Especially sprouts. I hate when I go to a restaurant with only one vegetarian item and that item is a sprout sandwich with extra sprouts on a sprout bun. No. Stop it. Just because I’m a vegetarian doesn’t mean I want food that tastes like ass.

Anyhow, here is a recipe for veggie “meat” gravy. To be served over rice, potatoes, veggies, or if you’re really hard up, some toast. I believe the traditional name for this dish is Shit on a Shingle.

Vegetarian “Beef” Gravy

Half an onion, chopped. I used a red one.

Container of sliced mushrooms.

2 cups hot water

1 teaspoon Better Than Bouillon (the vegetable one, silly)

1/2 teaspoon Marmite (or just use more bouillon)

1 Tablespoon Lipton Onion Soup mix (this stuff is LIFE)

2 Tablespoons flour

2 Tablesoons butter

Some fake meat of your choice. I like Morning Star Grillers Prime Burgers, chopped and fried for a bit in some oil to brown them. You can leave this out and just dump this gravy over mash potatoes if you want.

Chopped green onions, for garnish.

Mix the hot water, Better than Bouillon, Marmite, and onion soup mix in a bowl. Let it sit while you make the rest. Saute the onions and mushrooms in some olive oil in a wide saucepan. I make sure to brown the mushrooms a bit as this will add more flavor. You have to make up for the lack of meat, guys. But don’t burn them as that would be sad. Once these are cooked, push them to the side of the pan.

Turn the heat to low-ish. Add the butter, once melted whisk in the flour. Cook this for a couple of minutes so the flour doesn’t taste raw. Stir it all up. Slowly whisk in the water/bouillon/onion soup mixture. Bring to a boil, then turn the heat back to low. Add in whatever fake meat you’re using. You can also add some chopped herbs at this point if you’re trying to impress your friends. Simmer, covered for about five minutes or until thickened.

Side rant about veggie burgers at restaurants: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE FRY VEGGIE BURGERS. SEASON THEM LIKE YOU WOULD MEAT. STOP MICROWAVING THEM. Thank you.

Side note to people that have more time than I: You can also just use two cups of vegetable stock that you spent all day making yourself. Invite me over if you do this. But leave in the Marmite, it adds a nice almost meat flavor.