ROCHESTER, NY – In a brazen attempt to reach the millennial and zennial and whatever the kids 17-21 call themselves these days, the CEO of Vector is trying to appease the younger workforce who desperately want to die by stabbing them with the company’s famous Cutco knives.

“We have a generation that just tweets that they want to die all day because the worlds gone insane and climate change will destroy us all. So I’m out here just committing assault with an extremely deadly weapon to get them to understand that death isn’t that great but these knives are truly the best in the industry” said CEO Barrister Chairester, who was absolutely drenched in blood while he stabbed me repeatedly with the sharpest knife I’ve ever felt.