Thursday, March 04, 2010

Let's Do More With Mâché

Why is it that paper (or papier, as the French so sillily refer to it) is the only thing that gets mâchéd? Scientific fact has it that any object saturated in Plaster of Paris will harden into an tough shell impregnable to anything other than the furious swipe of a 5-year-old swinging a pinata bat.

What if we really pushed physics and engineering to the max and made steel mâché? Could you imagine how tough that material would be? You could make it into Cylon armor and conquer entire continents with only a few robots.

There are other uses for mâché that don't involve enslaving innocent populaces. What's say we built airplanes out of, say, airplane mâché. Planes wouldn't crash, they'd just bounce on the ground and begin to fly again, dropping candy canes and sunshine on the happy people below. Furthermore, we could also build houses out of stucco mâché and windows out of glass mâché . There would be no more home invasions, nor house fires, because think about it -- have you ever seen a mâché'd object catch fire? Of course not, because not only is mâché invulnerable to bullets, nuclear warfare and steel-toed boots, but it's also flame retardant.

I think I'm sort of in love with mâché. I wonder if I can get its number. I know it's weird because I'm married and have 2 kids and all but the heart wants what it wants. Mâché, I will pine for you until you're mine and our relationship status is made of commitment mâché.