Posts Tagged ‘illustrator’

There was a time, not all that long ago, when all I wanted to do was make a living as a comic book illustrator. It was the one true passion I had in my life. I would eat, breathe, and sleep the hope that one day I would get my big break and the annals of history would find my name next to men such as Jack Kirby, John Romita, Will Eisner, Neal Adams, Wally Wood, and so on. I would begin to gain forward momentum and time and time again, something always stood in my way.

People with common sense would say things like, “Have you ever thought that maybe God wants you doing something else?” To which I would reply, “Are you stupid?!!” I mean, clearly I have the tools and ability to do so. It was quite literally the central focus of my passion. Only a complete dunce would dare suggest that God would waste His time equipping me to work in the comic book industry and then make me do something else! Right? Right..?

Sure I’ve done quite a bit of comic book related work. Some writing, some coloring, quite a bit of illustration. Yet, it’s always seems laborious. But why? I’m naturally talented, well studied, oft practiced, and completely in love with the medium. Why should it be hard? I always blamed it on my short attention span. Well, okay… maybe that had a little something to do with it.

Twenty-two years since I began trying to make a living in comics, and I still can’t completely let it go. To clarify, I no longer desire to make my fortune drawing dynamic heroes with extraordinary powers and poor fashion choices. But I still want to hold to the thought that God wouldn’t equip me to do something only to have me not do that aforementioned thing.

Clearly this is flawed thinking. God also equipped me with well above average strength, the ability to fight (as well as win), and a mean streak that manifests itself not with violent rage, but methodical inhumanity. I have no problem believing that God doesn’t want me utilizing this “gift”, so why do I argue the other?

I do love to draw. I really, really do. When not done as a means of income it’s very soothing and therapeutic for me. My mind can wander and think about other things, all the while I can create my own world full of adventure and fanciful nonsense. However, when done vocationally it becomes an idol to me. It is my focus, above virtually all else. This, I believe is why the Lord has never given me the career I desired.

All this to say that I am currently working on a comic book for pay. Good pay actually. I’m grateful for the added income, but I am so miserable… Perhaps God doesn’t want me to keep trying. Perhaps it’s a part of my life best left behind me. Who knows? Of course it could just be a poorly written story with a paper thin plot that doesn’t challenge me in any way. I guess there’s that too.

Anyway, be careful where you place your passions. Idols are easily forged.