The Tale of Lumpen Comrade Chichikov, by Comrade Nikolai B. Potter Gogol 
 All the Bednyaks from the village came to Kulak Brown's farm bearing a gift. They bore a large pot of okroshka for the Kulak, supplicated themselves and begged that he allow them to collect seeds from his fields for the next year's crops. 
 Before Kulak Brown could answer, Lumpen Comrade Chichikov piped up, mocking the kulak with his nasty riddles and insults. 
 But the Kulak simply ignored him, nodded to the Bednyaks, and went into his farmhouse with the pot of okroshka. While Chichikov, Chichikov went down to the creek and slept while his Comrades collected their seeds. 
 Days later the Bednyaks returned. They'd tried to make Comrade Chichikov stay away, but he wouldn't hear of it, and as they knocked on the door of Kulak Brown's farm house, he sat on the fence post crowing his delighted mockeries. Kulak Brown ignored him assiduously and accepted their offered hachapuris without a word, waving them to the fields in search of their seeds. 
 The bednyaks worked, while Lumpen Comrade Chichikov mocked them from his fence post. 
 They returned a few days later with a beautiful buzhenina, knowing it was one of Kulak Brown's favourites. Again he came on his porch only to be accosted by Comrade Chichikov's mocking riddles. The Kulak stared at Lumpen Chichikov, shook his head in ever so slight disapproval, then turned back into his farmhouse bearing the ham. 
 The bednyaks worked while Chichikov played, trudging home tired and sore while their Lumpen Comrade skipped along gaily. There stores of seeds were almost filled, but they knew they needed to return one more time. For that, they'd saved a jug of their best vodka. 
 Returning a few days later, their offer of vodka was in the hands of Lumpen Comrade Chichikov, who would have it no other way. He stood on the edge of the porch when Kulak Brown came out, and in the same mocking tones that were always his way, Chichikov offered the final gift. Kulak Brown's face contorted for a second, then he stepped aside and waived Chichikov into his home. The bednyaks knew their gift had been accepted and went off to complete their work, relieved that Chichikov had not ruined their offering. 
 Inside, Chichikov found himself in trouble. There would be no sharing of vodka. There would be know friendly teasing and answering of his riddles. He was quickly subdued and found his leg chained to a post, and Kulak Brown stood in the corner, under lantern light, sharpening tools of torture. 
 Lumpen Comrad Chichikov saw only one chance. He was close to an old, rusted, abandoned saw -- a metal saw, well warn and long unused. He waited for Kulak Brown to leave the chamber, perhaps for some of that fine vodka, and he did the only thing he could - he cut off his leg and crawled from Kulak Brown's farm with a tourniquet above his knee, and the bottom half of his leg still in the Kulak's chains. 
 And to this day, if a Comrade Bedynak passes poor stumpy Lumpen Comrade Chichikov, limping along the dirty road with his crutch, and asks the Lumpen Comrade a riddle, he will answer in a lusty voice full of song: "I Know no Other Such Land Where a Man Can Breathe so Free!"