Wake up, Caitlin, Mr Lensing had said. But what he didn't understand was that this dreamland was preferable, walking through this life half-sleeping, everything at arm's length or farther away. 
 I understood those mermaids. I didn't care if they sang to me. All I wanted was to block out all the human voices as they called my name again and again, pulling me upward into light, to drown. 
 Dreamland was my first Sarah Dessen book, and for some reason I'd always thought she wrote light-hearted, fun, romantic contemporaries meant for a warm, breezy summer day. But I was wrong - how utterly wrong I was. Dreamland broke my heart completely and left me gasping, unable to form coherent thoughts when I first finished it. When I turned the last page, I sat on my bed for a moment, dazed. 
 This gritty, emotional tale follows Caitlin, an eternally-second-best, straight-B girl living in the shadow of her absolutely perfect older sister, Cass. But when Cass runs away, their whole family is distraught. Caitlin now has to try and fill the gaping hole Cass left behind, but it's almost impossible when she faces her withdrawn, upset mother and her lackluster father. Caitlin is sidelined or never given much thought to in the face of their great loss. 
 Then she meets Rogerson. He's charming, funny, mysterious and magnetic, and he gives off a dangerous aura. It isn't long before Caitlin gets involved with him. Being with him makes her forget about everything else that's wanting in her life. But what happens when being with Rogerson becomes a bigger problem than being without him? 
 Sarah Dessen's prose flows beautifully. It is smooth, compelling, almost lyrical. Before long you are swept up in it, bound towards the inevitable end, and by the time you see the ending coming it is too late. I felt like this reading experience truly wrecked me. Even now I'm struggling to put my thoughts into words, to articulate myself and convey how amazingly written this book was. Characters really come alive off the page as you read, and every scene felt painfully real. I couldn't put down this train wreck of a book at all. 
 But I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell anyone. As long as I didn't say it aloud, it wasn't real. 
 Caitlin broke my heart. I watched her carry the weight of the world on her shoulders, watched her life begin a downward spiral, and I wept for her. From the heady rush of first love, Caitlin was brutally transported into literal hell. After the first time Rogerson hit her, he only continued to do it repeatedly as the story went on. Her whole life became ruined by fear, as she danced with caution around her boyfriend, always trying to keep him in the best mood she could. Nobody around her saw what was really happening to her, and Caitlin retreated further and further from reality, choosing instead to float through life in a kind of dream. Her gradual decline tugged at heartstrings and brought out all the emotions in me. 
 I could have just gotten out of the car and walked up to my house, leaving him behind forever. Things would have been very different if I had done that. But the fact was that I loved Rogerson. It wasn't just that I loved him, even: it was that I loved what I was when I was with him. Not a little sister, the pretty girl's sidekick, the second runner-up. All I'd ever wanted was to make my own path, far from Cass's. And even after what had happened, I wasn't ready to give that up just yet. 
 Sometimes we fall into the easy habit of victim-blaming. Why didn't she still leave him when she could? Why didn't she tell someone the first time? But I know what it is to have loved someone so much you would forgive them anything until it's too late. And so I understood Caitlin, how she struggled with herself for so long. Yet she was brave, and resilient in her own way. I was drawn to Caitlin all throughout the book. And I hated Rogerson. Like any sane person would. Honestly. I will admit that I loved him at first, but after that first slap all I wanted to do for the rest of the book was gut him. Or kick him. Do whatever he was doing to Caitlin back unto him. I just couldn't bear to see Caitlin sit back and take his abuse. 
 I'm very happy that Sarah Dessen decided to touch on this subject in YA. She didn't just gloss over it either - she fleshed out all the gritty details, creating a poignant masterpiece that will touch the hearts of readers everywhere. There are no words to describe how much I loved this book, or how much it affected me. I myself felt like I was dreaming as I was reading - everything seemed so surreal and impossible. It was as if I was dreaming with Caitlin and then rudely awakened with her, as well. Such is the power of Sarah's writing. 
 I was worn out, broken: He had taken almost everything. But he'd been all I'd had, all this time. And when the police led him away, I pulled out of the hands of all these loved ones, sobbing, screaming, everything hurting, to try and make him stay. 
 The only thing I was a little disappointed with was the little amount of closure we got. After most of the book was so brilliantly written, the ending seemed rushed, which was a letdown so I deducted a star. I would have loved to know more about Caitlin taking the first steps to heal herself both mentally and emotionally, and how she rebuilt her relationships with the people closest to her, instead of a few lines scribbled in the last few chapters. 
 But otherwise, this book far exceeded my expectations. It was a wonderful read I never saw coming. If Sarah Dessen's books live up to this standard, I can guarantee she will become one of my favorite authors. 
 "If you didn't love him, this never would have happened. But you did. And accepting that love - and everything that followed it - is part of letting it go."