I think this book just kicked the shit out of my heart, ripped it apart and then sewed it back together. But the pieces aren't quite in the right places. 
 Because if they were, I wouldn't have this ache in my chest. Right? 
 So I am a major fantasy/dystopian fan, and for the last year that's all I have really been reading. Because I need things to happen and sometimes the real world is super boring. Why would I want to read about boring? 
 Then I listened to Eleanor & Park as an audiobook and I remembered that, man-oh-man, I love a good contemporary. When it's done right. And it gives me the feels. 
 This book gave me 
 all 
 the feels. And Millay did it so well that there were even varying degrees to the feels, because no one wants to be feeling intensely anything all the time - even if it does range from deliriously happy to enraged to bowled over by grief. It would be exhausting. So this varies. But if I had to try to explain every single thing I felt during this book, I would never finish writing this and my poor heart would hate me for bringing it all up again. 
 "Dying really isn't so bad after you've done it once. And I have. I'm not afraid of death anymore. I'm afraid of everything else." 
 First of all, the pace of this book was perfect. It kept me on the edge of my seat subconsciously. That should be an oxymoron, right? But really. Because Nastya gives us hints that something awful happened to her but we don't know what. Then she starts dropping hints so subtley that you could easily miss it, and all the while I was so engrossed with what was happening in the now and how she would handle it or react that I occasionally forgot about this dark cloud over our heads. It was gripping. 
 I don't know how to explain this, but the writing was quiet. This is a quiet story that doesn't happen in big events or moments. It's a slow story that unwinds itself and while it does that it wraps itself around your heart. 
 And squeezes. 
 I don't particularly think the writing is beautiful, but it is so absolutely perfect for the characters. At times it was brief, stilted, abrupt. But with just a few well aimed words I knew exactly what the character was feeling or thinking or longing for without Millay having to say so. And that is 
 brilliant writing 
 . 
 And holy hell, is she good at that. Saying things without saying them. 
 "I wished that my hand would work again," I tell him when he climbs in after me. It was my first wish and the only one that mattered. 
 "I wished my mother was here tonight, which is stupid, because it's an impossible wish." He shrugs and turns to me, drowning the smile that cracks me every time. 
 "It's not stupid to want to see her again." 
 "It wasn't so much that I wanted to see her again, " he says, looking at me with the depth of more than seventeen years in his eyes. "I wanted her to see you." 
 The characters are so very real because they were so obviously not perfect. And they didn't ever try to be, ot try to appear to be, and I loved it. Drew is a great part of the story, I don't even want to call him a side character because he was too fleshed out to only be on the side. 
 I am going to start rambling or spoiling things soon so I should stop. 
 I just know that as soon as the story was over my heart was already aching that the story was over, but I am pretty sure it's going to stay with me even if I don't have other installments to look forward to. 
 "Every day you save me."