So, 1 chapter in these are my theories on 50 Shades of Grey. 
 1. Has anyone seen the episode of friends where Joey writes Monica and Chandler's reference for their adoption application, and he uses a thesarus on every word to make him sound smarter? That's what the author did. 
 2. It's just J.K. Rowling trolling us all. 
 Either way, I have neither the time nor the brain cells to loose reading any more.