Congrats, Johnny, you did it. You wrote a cancer book. 
 I'm fairly certain that it was not your intent to write it as such. You probably thought that since you were such a cool guy and therefore an awesome writer, you could write a book about cancer that wasn't a cancer book. 
 Here's the thing. You may be a cool guy and some people might think you're an awesome writer (unfortunately, I am excluded from that group,) but nevertheless, you failed in your mission. 
 Of course, it's not a complete failure because some people like to read cancer books. I'm just not one of them. 
 Now, to why the book in general was badly written. 
 You, my friend, are a pretentious, academic, snooty narrator. I admit, in your history videos, it's kinda cool and you seem like a nice guy. It's just, when you write, you sound like you're millions of miles in the sky and looking down on your poor, not quite as intellectual readers. 
 Here's a hint: when something's a metaphor, don't have the character point it out. 
 Next, Augustus and Hazel would never exist. No kids are like that. Not really. 
 On the bright side, the main character wasn't always focused on her friend's voluptuousness, so you've come a ways since Looking for Alaska. 
 Course, all the respect I had for that pretty much went out the window when they hooked up in a hotel room. 
 You know? I just don't think you're my cup o' tea, bud. I'll watch your history videos, re-quote some of your nerd-fighter quotes, and keep far, far away from your books. 
 Post scriptum: 
 Dear world, 
 There is one book where a character has cancer that is not a cancer book and I highly recommend you read it. It is A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness, and is one of the best books I have read. In fact, it may be time again to smell those enticing pages once more. 
 Sincerely, 
 Me