Full review at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books 
 I was so, so excited for The Protector by Jodi Ellen Malpas. I mean, look at that cover! Look at it! 
 When I was a kid, we watched three movies on rotation at every sleepover: Dirty Dancing, The Cutting Edge and, my favorite, The Bodyguard. That cover is clearly a reference to The Bodyguard and when I saw it I was light-headed with nostalgia. 
 So I picked up the book and I was prepared to love the hell out of it...but I didn't. I didn't at all. I thought the plot was fine. I liked the heroine. The issue was the hero-Jake Sharp. He's just awful really, and since half the book is told first person from his point of view, that awfulness just hit me right in the face. Jake really, really likes to use the word pussy, and not in a dirty-talking kind of way. No, in a derogatory kind of way. 
 Jake is also not coping well with living in Camille's "champagne and cocaine" world of fashion and shopping: 
 "She's doing this on purpose. I swear, all this girlie shit is turning my brain pink. All in all, I'm feeling pretty fucking pussy-ish right now." 
 I'm not sure what feeling pussy-ish means. Does Jake feel powerful and remarkable? Like he's capable of delivering human life into the world? Like he's made of tissue both capable of experiencing sexual gratification AND possessing the materials needed to grow and sustain life? 
 Or does he just want to nibble on some salmon and catfish entree and rub his face on the corner of a laptop? Does he want to shit in a box? Do tell us, Jake. 
 I mean, I read a lot of books with emotionally constipated heroes, but I love how the idea of being in love makes Jake almost puke. Based on earlier descriptions of the guy, he's probably syphilitic with cirrhosis of the liver, but love makes him physically ill. I'm willing to withstand a little bit of the alphahole with his head up his butt, but Jake really takes the cake. 
 Anyway, there were things I liked about this book. I liked that Camille starts off as a stereotypical spoiled rich girl but is revealed to have actual depth. She feels stifled by her life and does her best to navigate the challenges that come with it (like the paparazzi) gracefully. She loves her best friend, Heather, and even though she's more famous and could leave Heather behind, she's determined to make their dream of fashion design happen together. I love heroines who have friends, and who don't live in a vacuum. 
 Overall, though, as much as I liked Camille, I couldn't deal with Jake's voice taking up half of the book. I wanted Emma Peel to show up and punch him in the head every time he thought the word "pussy." I wanted someone to sit him down and explain what "feelings" are and how human beings process them. I wanted him to stop being a jerkwad to the random women he picked up. 
 Basically he's a walking embodiment of Axe Bodyspray and I hated him. 
 - Elyse