I finally understand what nerdboys felt towards George Lucas after the release of Episode 1. In fact, I'd rather Francine Pascal had written about Jar Jar Binks than this. But here's the thing -- I still would've read it. Sweet Valley High is...was such a fond childhood memory for me that no amount of 1 or 2 star reviews would've deterred me from getting it right when it came out. And I'm sure a lot of other people feel the same way. Maybe because I read SVH when I was so impressionable and young (and re-read and re-read them because my mom would only buy me 2 books at a time), I remember so many aspects and details of the characters and the plots. The problem is, I don't think Francine Pascal does. 
 Sweet Valley Confidential Elizabeth and Jessica are Wakefields in name and matching gold lavaliere necklace only. The characters are unidentifiable, even when accounting for the 10 year lapse since Sweet Valley High. While reading this book, the thought that kept coming up was, Who ARE these people?! And despite Ms. Pascal's references to Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Facebook, AND Twitter, it felt dated and contrived, like when my mom started talking about Facebook after seeing the Time Magazine article last year and acted like it was the coolest, newest thing ever. After the Twitter reference, I thought, No Tumblr?? 
 Bottom line: This book is for diehard Sweet Valley High fans only. It won't make fans of people unfamiliar with the books and it won't treat well the people who so lovingly kept SVH alive all these years. 
 Update (1 hour after finishing the book): I now have a paralyzing fear that Ann M. Martin is going to write an update to Baby Sitter's Club where it's revealed that Kristy molested all the kids on Kristy's Krushers. 
 Update (6 hours later): Why, Francine, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?