This book is like actually a joke. 
 I can not believe somebody in their right minds could like this ... therefore all the owners of the five star reviews must be insane. Let's begin now. 
 THE WRITING: 
 Shit. Absolute shit. Does it bother anybody else when Ms. Jones writes without abbreviations? Because it sounds spectacularly tacky and the characters unnaturally solemn and old-fashioned. Also, what's with the use of the word "smoosh"? Because that is not a thing. It will never be a thing. And plus, I don't want to know about what (what's her name again... uh .... um ... ummm.... hold on ... uh ... er ... can't remember oh well) the main character smells. "Dove soap", really? And also, the similes in this book are also total bull. Because "my heart whooshed into my spleen" is really stupid. 
 THE CHAPTERS: 
 At the beginning of every chapter, there's some weird "blog" post or social media sentence or hashtag. Because the world knows you're not 'cool' and modern' and can totally empathize with teens if you don't have know about Twitter or Instagram. 
 THE CHARACTERS: 
 I felt nothing for them. I couldn't even tell you their names. They're all together unmemorable and useless; like Ms. Jones wants to sound like a teen again. 
 Great. Well, I have to cut this short, because I've got somewhere to go. But this is not recommended for anybody. So please don't read it and spare yourself the angst.