** spoiler alert ** 
 Holy fuck. What a great book to finish off 2015. 
 The last 200 pages were IN-fucking-TENSE! 
 - ACTUAL REVIEW - 
 11 months after finishing this I'm trying to make sense of the plot (with the help of the ASOIAF Wiki) and give you a more insightful Review. Spoilers ahead! You have been warned! 
 In the Seven Kingdoms 
 The North / The Riverlands 
 On Cat's orders Brienne accompanies Jamie back to King's Landing in exchange for Arya and Sansa Stark. But as anything that Cat touches it ends in disaster, Jamie and Brienne get persued by Tully men and then finally get captured by the Brave Companions and taken to Harrenhal. Jamie and Brienne's dynamic is extremely fascinating because you can tell that even when Jamie insults her the whole time he has mad respect for her and Brienne on the other Hand doesn't despise Jamie as much as she probably should. This is really the book in which I got to love Jamie because he ceased to be the proud prick and became much more relatable/ vulnerable/ human. A huge part of that process that Vargo Hoat (the leader of the Brave Companions) ORDERS JAMIE'S SWORD HAND TO GET CHOPPED OFF (oh my Lord, that scene got to me)!!! 
 In Harrelhal Jamie learns that Roose Bolton is basically a snitch and no longer loyal to the Starks because he agrees that Jamie gets escorted back to King's Landing. When they part Jamie tells Roose "Send Robb Stark my regards." (LIKE OMG FORESHADOWING I CAN'T DEAL). Roose tells the Brave Companions that they can do with Brienne as they please and they throw her in the bear pit. Jamie saves her (hallelujah) and they go to King's Landing together. 
 Robb (my precious Baby) is basically overridden with emotions in this tale (which basically let to his downfall *sobbing*). He marries Jeyne despite of his to oath to Walder Frey (and we all know YOU DON'T MESS AROUND WITH WALDER FREY). His army isn't the strongest and his fucking mother released his only valuable prisoner (aka Jamie). BUt Robb being the cunning Boy king he is uses this against her and forces her to accept him naming JON fucking SNOW his heir and Cat feeling guilty accepts this. 
 Upon fleeing Harrenhal Arya encounters the Brotherhood without Banners and sees how Lord Beric get resurrected after being killed in Trial by combat by Sandor Clegane. Afterwards Arya tries to flee again but is capture by The Hound who decides to take her back to her family and they head North. 
 And then the fucking RED WEDDING happens. After the parley Walder agrees that Edmund Tully marries one of his daughters instead of Robb and fakes his forgiveness. The wedding of Edmund and Roslin takes place when all of a sudden the fucking RAINS OF CASTAMERE are played and every Stark/ Tully present gets butchered, one of Roose's man stabs Robb with the words "Jaime Lannister sends his regards." AHHHHHH MY FEELS I CANNOT DEAAL - the only good thing that came off this wedding is Cat the Bitch getting her throat slit... #sorrynotsorry 
 Arya and Sandor upon learning that Arya's Family is dead and flee downrider. They get pursued by men in the Service of Sandor's brother but manage to kill their way out. Sandor gets gravely wounded and Arya leaves him to die and with H'gar's coin manages to book passage on a ship headed to Braavos. 
 The South / King's Landing 
 After the battle of the Blackwater Davos gets wash ashore and is found by Stannis' bannermen. He is determined to kill Melisandre because he fears that she was the reason for Stannis' defeat. Melisandre foresees this in her flames and Davos gets locked up. But because he is the most loyal hoe that Stannis has he gets released on Terms of becoming Stannis' Hand. (from Zero to hero, right here, right there). 
 In King's Landing the Tyrell's are celebrated as allies to the Lannisters and Joffrey agrees to marry Margaery instead of Sansa. Sansa my poor sweet summer child has to marry Tyrion instead. Tyrion is just the most badass muthafukka because he is soo gently towards Sansa and doesn't rape her on their Wedding Night (or ever). Tywin takes Tyrion's job as Hand and Tyrion then takes Littlefinger's job as Master of Coin and Littlefinger is named Lord of Harrenhal (because of his vital part in the Lannister-Tyrell alliance). 
 On Dragonstone shit gets real because Melisandre wants to sacrifice Edric Storm (royal blood) to wake the Stone Dragons, Davos protects him and Stannis agrees to give his own blood. During the ritual he names the three kings he wants dead: Robb Stark, Joffrey Baratheon and Balon Greyjoy (chronologically this happens before the Red Wedding). 
 Littlefinger's masterplan gets proceeded further because he is no longer under Lannister control and gains more and more power, he gets Lysa to marry him, which makes him Lord of the Eyrie as well. 
 Then the three kings (that Stannis wanted dead) die: Robb at the Red Wedding, Balon is taken by a wave (the Sea God) and Joffrey chokes at his own wedding (I'm mean, bitch had it coming, the way he treated Tyrion and always wanted to humiliate him, nah man). When word of these deaths reach Dragonstone Stannis is just as surprised as Melisandre, he delays executing Davos (Davos got Edric to safety inspite of Stannis' orders to sacrifice the Boy). 
 Jamie and Brienne reach King Landing at the time when Tommen is proclaimed King. The former gets offered Casterly Rock by his father but refuses and becomes Lord Commander of the King's Guard (he believes in the innocence of his brother Tyrion - who is on Trial for kin- and kingslaying; he also refuses Cersei and her advances and stays true to his vows). The latter gets imprisoned because the Tyrells (esp Loras) blame Brienne for the killing of Renly. 
 Tyrion's Trial is one of the best Scenes in literature ever (and HBO's Adaptation was just fucking beautiful). Tyrion knowing that no justice will get shown towards him decides to demand TRIAL BY COMBAT chosing Oberyn Martell as his Champion (Oberyn - the Red Viper - is just a fucking Boss and wants revenge on Gregor Clegane for raping and murdering his sister Elia and her children). Oberyn and Gregor have the most epic fight ever and Oberyn my bae manages to poison him but Gregor with his big fucking hands squished Oberyn's head and I'm still not over it. The whole sub plot of Shae being the biggest fucking WHORE in the Seven Kingdoms and betraying Tyrion is just heartbreaking af. Tyrion gets sentenced to death but Varys and Jamie safe him. Unfortunately Jamie has impeccable timing and tells Tyrion on their way out that Tysha was not a paid whore (whom Jamie paid to seduce Tyrion) and Tyrion feels betrayed by both brother and father. He then visits Lord Tywin on his chamberpot and fucking shoots him OH MY LORDY LORD IT WAS QUITE EPIC. He is then taken over The Narrow Sea on one of Vary's ships. 
 Jamie frees Brienne and sends her own her quest to retrieve Sansa and Arya and fucking tells her that the real reason he betrayed his oath and murdered King Aerys was because Aerys had hidden wildfire barrels all over King's Landing and planned to destroy the city during the Sack. (BURN THEM ALL) 
 Too much fucking intense shit happened in this I mean OH MY GOD I'm literally shaking whilst writing this review. At the Eyrie Sansa (who was saved after Joffrey's murder by Littlefinger) unites with her aunt Lysa who gets jealous of her (and Littlefinger) and tries to kill her. Littlefinger however pushes Lysa out of the Moon door, before dying however Lysa reveals that Littlefinger told her to poison Jon Arryn and blame the Lannisters (LIKE WTF). 
 The epilogue was one of the most intense freaking sense ever because Kitty Cat fucking rose from the dead and is killing everyone who had their say in the Red Wedding. She is supported by the Brotherhow without Banners. 
 On the Wall 
 The Night's Watch experiences something they havn't experienced in century: An attack by Others. There is a huge battle on the Fist of the First Men and Sam the Slayer (ahh so proud of him) slays a Whitewalker with his Obsidian blade. The Lord Commander Jeor Mormont gets killed by some turncloaks and in all this chaos Sam manages to flee (with Gilly, one of Craster's daughters/ wives). 
 Jon is taken to Mance who tells him of the Horn of Winter which will shatter the wall. Jon is sent to Castle Black to ease an attack of the Wildlings. Instead he manages to flee and warn his Brothers on the Watch. They manage to hold the gate. Among the dead Wildlings is Ygritte. 
 Bran, Jojen and Meera meet Sam (at the Nightfort, abandoned Caslte on the Wall). Pursuing the Three-Eyed-Crow Bran manages to get Coldhands to get them behind the wall. Gilly and Sam however return to Castle Black. 
 The Wildling Army reaches Castle Black and Jon gets to parley with Mance Rayder who was a lot of understanding for Jon's betrayal. He tells Jon that he found the Horn of Winter and will blow it. The attack of the Wildlings is ferocious and the Night's Watch can't defend themselves but then Stannis (pursued by Melisandre) comes and saves the day, Mance is captured. And Jon declining Stannis' offer of naming him Jon Stark (Lord of Winterfell) is voted as the new Lord Commander of the Night's Watch. I was so proud of my Baby :D also Janos Slynt arrives at the wall and spreads rumours about Jon being a traitor and shit (Slynt basically betrayed Eddard back in King's Landing but got sent to the wall by Tyrion because Tyrion didn't trust him). 
 In the East 
 Daeny unfortunately doesn't get shit done...In Pentos she learns that large Slave Armies can be bought at Slaver's Bay (Meereen, Astapor and Yunkai). Daeny buys the Unsullied (warrior-eunuchs from Astapor) and Drogon burns the Slave Lords who want one of Daeny's Dragons for exchange (for Dragons are no slaves and have no true master like yaas gul burn these bitches). 
 Daeny discovers two traitors in her camp: Firstly, Ser Jorah Mormont who spied on her and gave Information away to the Lannisters (up until Qarth). Secondly, Arstan Whitebeard is revealed as Ser Barristan Selmy (Of the King's Guard). Daeny offers amends and orders the men to sneak into Meereen and open its gates so that her army can sneak through, this way Daeny succesfully manages to take Meereen. She forgives the latter, but expels Jorah from her services. She decides to stay in Meereen to rule (because after freeing the slaves of Astapor everything is back to how it was before after she left and she doesn't want that to happen to the People in Meereen). She wants to learn to be the Queen that Westeros needs her to be.