I picked this book up with the intention to read half of the book or get close to half. I ended up reading this book in one night. A total of 6 hours. I could not put this book down. #iameden 
 It took me no time at all to get into this book. I will say that this book is about rape if you didn't already know that and serve as a trigger. But this is a book people should pick up. 
 I have read a number of books about rape and they each shed a different light on how it affects the victim of the trauma. I feel that The Way I Used to Be is the gritty and ugly side affects that affect some. Eden is not a perfect character, she is completely broken down and spiraling down a hole of self-destruction. The book starts off with the trauma and follows her through each year of school(freshman to senior). She only gets worse as the years go by. Eden finds comfort in alcohol, drugs, and anonymous sex. She treats her friends like crap and says some real shitty things to her parents and those she cares about. Its all a cry for help, but no one answers. 
 This story brought me to tears. The Way I Used to Be is not meant to be a happy ending. It is not a road of self-discovery or eve recovery, but the beginning. Its about the aftermath. Something terrible happened to Eden and its eating her up inside, she has no one to tell, no one to share her burden with, and she feels dead inside. Numb. That's what this book is about. You will not see her growth, only her deterioration. Its the ugliness that I loved. I felt its truth and it hit me so hard I cried for Eden's pain. It felt like looking in a mirror. 
 The truth is some people never get better or get the help they need after being raped. Some people keep all that hate inside them for so long they completely lose themselves. When this book ended, the reader doesn't know what happens to Eden. No idea what her future holds and whether she is ok or not. That's the point. The last page of this book is end of the story, but the beginning for Eden, a step in the right direction towards healing. 
 So I loved this book. It resonates with me. I cried unashamedly. This book was not about a happy ending even though I desperately wanted it to. I wanted her to be happy and find love and not be scared anymore. I wanted her to heal. I'm so glad books like this are written. Its not pretty. There's slut-shaming, unsafe sex practices, and one bitchy teen who seems to be on the war path. But rape is real, it sadly happens, and usually by the people you least expect. This book is an example of how destructive it can be. Trust me I know. If that is something you can handle then I highly recommend you pick this book up. 
 #iameden