AMY DUNNE 
 I am Amy. I'm so perfect you may want to puke. It's okay, I have that effect on everyone, even my parents. They noticed I was so perfect when I was a little girl and so they wrote some vastly popular children's books called The Adventures of Amazing Amy. You may have been given them to read in school, and you may have puked on them. I am so self-regarding I can't pass a mirror without congratulating it that it's reflecting me and not somebody else. I forgot to mention that I have a perfect figure and everybody wants to be my friend. I lived in New York but because I got let go now I have to live with my husband in one of those other states. I forgot its name. 
 NICK DUNNE 
 I am Nick, husband of Amy. I am a six foot something book reading slab of pure thinking woman's hunkaceousness. Is that a word? Hey, it is now. I got let go from my job in New York as a writer - yeah, I know. And now I got let go from the job of Amy's husband because she's disappeared. 
 P BRYANT 
 Why am I reading this? 
 OFF-STAGE VOICE 
 Is it because you like to read popular thrillers from time to time to curry favour with the voters of your obsessional booky website? 
 P BRYANT 
 Well, really... 
 AMY DUNNE 
 I love Nick. 
 NICK DUNNE 
 I love Amy. 
 AMY DUNNE 
 Although he can be a bastard at times. 
 NICK DUNNE 
 Although she can be a stuck-up bloodyminded princess most of the time. 
 AMY DUNNE 
 I hate Nick. 
 NICK DUNNE 
 I hate Amy. 
 P BRYANT 
 Pass me the sick bag. 
 NICK DUNNE 
 Where is Amy? Oh where oh where can she be? Did I say she like just disappeared and shit? It's why this book is called GONE GIRL and not THE REALLY IRRITATING COUPLE. 
 P BRYANT 
 I don't care where Amy Dunne has gone. If she's never heard from again, that's okay with me. But for what it's worth, I have a few theories. 
 1.	Kidnapped by aliens. Although you'd have thought they'd have thrown her straight back. 
 2.	She's had plastic surgery and is now the middle Madonna (Vogue era) in a Madonna tribute band. 
 3.	Nick killed her, even if he says he didn't, the liar. And ate her. 
 4.	Amy killed Nick and is pulling off a fabulous feat of transgender impersonation until page 322 when all will be revealed. And ate him. 
 5.	There never was an Amy. So she's still here! (Pretty deep, that one.) 
 6.	Just like in that Agatha Christie book, THEY ALL KILLED HER! And ate her. It wasn't chicken in that basket. 
 Well, I'll never know. But that's okay.