I have absolutely no idea how to rate this book, and I sure as hell don't know how to talk about it without giving things away. 
 "You are all the colors in one, at full brightness." 
 So roughly... 
 I want to give it 4 stars because it really affected me. And if a book can make you feel something deep and real and raw, that's pretty great. 
 I want to give it a 3 because of the tone. It was light and sweet and a bit too not serious. 
 I'm so confused, I need to ramble. 
 (view spoiler)[So, the thing is, my husbands best friend committed suicide a couple years back. It's something you can never really fully live through, because it kind of doesn't go away. It's the loss of someone who was supposed to be there for all the big moments, who was supposed to be there growing old somewhere right beside us. Thus the subject is really personal for me because I know how the people left behind feel. 
 Having such a light tone and cute romance before, I wasn't expecting it. At all. I'm not saying good things can't happen right before someone decides it's too much, I think no matter what it will always be unexpected when someone takes that leap. 
 But maybe... that's the point? 
 When it really does happen, shock is the first feeling. Were things really that bad? How didn't we see it?? 
 But as a the other half of a person who is a Survivor of Suicide, I'm unsure if this topic received the caution, respect and fear it deserves. 
 I was also loathe to read about how little attention was paid to Finch by his family. 
 It was hinted at that he might suffer from bipolar disorder, and while the Asleep could be the depressive episodes, I didn't really feel that BPD was not accurately portrayed. Supposedly the author purposefully didn't write a manic episode, but he definitely didn't have one according to the DSM criteria which is important for me to mention because I think it's easy for people to diagnose things too easily and for people without the right information to be afraid of a label that might not even apply to them. 
 What I really did love, was the after. How Violet was so worried that she hadn't been enough, that she could have changed it. And then... 
 You make me happy, 
 Whenever you're around I'm safe inside your smile, 
 You make me handsome, 
 Whenever I feel my nose just seems a bit too round, 
 You make me special, and God knows I've longed to be that kind of guy to be around, 
 You make me love you, 
 And that could be the greatest thing my heart was ever fit to do.. 
 You make me lovely, and it's so lovely to be lovely to the one I love.. 
 It's not closure, there can be no closure for a Survivor of Suicide. But it shows that the suicide is not about those left behind. As if we could be so special. It's about how broken the person is, that even something to beautiful and special couldn't be enough to drag them out of the hole they're in. 
 As a doctor, who knows BPD and depression are chemical imbalances in the brain, this destroys me. It's all so treatable!!! IF someone recognizes it. IF someone asks for help. (hide spoiler)] 
 "The thing I realize is, that it's not what you take, it's what you leave." 
 And so, post really-long-ramble, I'm sitting here surrounded by damp and soggy tissues. But I have some clarity. 
 Violet is a girl who lost her sister, but can't let go. How can she be happy when Eleanor never will be? If she moves on, will Eleanor be forgotten? 
 Finch is intense. Erratic. He sees things with a strange clarity and poignancy. He tries to be happy. But it's not possible with a chemical imbalance. 
 This book broke my heart. But there was beauty in it, and a tiny bit of hope. And it was a journey that was unexpected and hard and took me back to a sad time in my life. It made me feel. So, yeah. it deserves a good rating. Maybe it's better understood and felt by people who have lived through a suicide to someone close to them, because I have seen some negative reviews about it being too light which I almost agreed with pre-ramble. But as someone who has lived through a suicide, I think (post-reflection) this book hits all the right notes. And since the author has lived through one too, I think she already knew that. 
 jennifer Niven, you broke my heart but I kind of loved it. Great job. 
 And I'd recommend it in a heartbeat. But buy some chocolate and tissues before, okay? 
 "You make me lovely, and it's so lovely to be lovely to the one I love...."