Huh, what? Oh no - tell him I'm out. It's the guy who rang last week - no, I don't want to speak to him, no---HI IAIN!! Great to hear from you. Yeah, yeah. How's it hanging? Yeah. So. What can we do you for today? Well yes, you told me that last week. You've written a novel, great. Oh yes, ha ha, that's what we do here, we publish books. Yes but - you know, first novels are not that easy to sell. You have to have an angle. What's that? You've got an angle? Great. Great. Listen, er ---- oh what? Your hero does what? He sacrifices animals? Yeah? Cool. Oh, and seagulls? He lives on an island - what, like Robinson Crusoe? Kind of like that? No? His what? His genitals? Eww - I think - and... oh, there's a dwarf? Yeah? Well, impotent, sacrifices animals, dwarf, yeah, that's kind of an angle I guess. The - what? They drown in what? Urine? Urine? The - you know the ad campaign is not really forming in my mind right now I gotta be honest Iain, you know what I mean, I can't see the cover... yes... yes... the brother...mentally ill... drugs... torture --- Iain, wait, wait. Stop, please, just.... Look, I'm really sorry, and all. But you know I just can't really see this as being something we would be interested in just at the ------ oh. Right. He's gone. Wow. Man, I need a drink. Listen, if Iain Banks calls up again, I'm OUT, do you hear? OUT!