What's the star rating for when you like one character, and think they have potential to grow, and be a better person, and the other character you'd happily shove under a bus? 
 . . . 
 I like Christian. He is the way he is, and yeah it's weird as hell, the stalking and the orders and all that; if it were me, I'd probably have kicked him in the shin a couple times just to let him know what he can do with his bossiness. But he accepts that this is how he is, and he doesn't know anything different, but he's trying so hard for Ana's sake. I'm not making any excuses for him, he's fucked up as hell, and his "contract" needs to meet a bonfire, but, like I said, I think he has the potential to become a better person. 
 Anastasia, on the other hand, is much, much too stupid to live. 21 and never been kissed? Well, okay, I wasn't kissed properly till I was 19, so I get that, but other stuff is just so palpably unbelievable. I was texting comments about the story to a couple of my guy friends - who haven't read it - while reading, and they both agreed that Anastasia's instant transformation from wallflower virgin to insatiable nympho -- in the space of two meetings, before any intimacy even happened, at that - was just ludicrous. 
 Even then, though. We've all read the bodice rippers where the heroine gets all sex crazed after her first taste. That wasn't my main concern, either. Anastasia is so overwhelmingly indecisive about everything! It's impossible to feel sorry for her or empathize with her. Her "inner goddess" and her "subconscious" are forever at odds, and there are several places where her subconscious says one thing and then three sentences later completely and utterly flip-flops opinions. 
 The last scenes just made me want to slap Ana silly. Christian was all set to do things her way, after the whole (view spoiler)["Spanking is to me what being touched is to you" (hide spoiler)] bit, but noooo..... Stupid indecisive Ana had to be all (view spoiler)["Show me how bad it can be" (hide spoiler)], asking for a demonstration, and when he complied she got all "OMG WHAT A MONSTER I CAN'T BE WIFF YOUUU!" 
 Kill me now. 
 I'll probably read the next books, but only because, weird and creepy and stalker pro that he is, I do like Christian; unlike Anastasia, however, I don't like him because he's weird and creepy and a professional creeper.... 
 Ohh and one last thing that bothered me so, soo, sooooooo much throughout was the incredibly stilted storytelling. E.L. James is British -- I feel like she should have set her story in Britain. Because Anastasia lives in Washington state, and is presumed to be an American. And yet her formality in speaking, and her speech being littered with British idioms - "rucksack" among others - just made it odd reading.