I quit. I'm done. Maybe I'll read this again someday. Probably not. Yeah, most probably not. 
 After a grueling 6 days and an intervention from a person I know from twitter, I have finally given up. I therefore conclude that Fifty Shades of Grey is a dent on the monster truck that is American Literature. It's a disgrace. It's disrespectful. It's condescending. It's offensive. It's demeaning. How do I even begin to explain the monstrosity that is this book? I think I already did but moving on... How do you even dare call yourself a book, Fifty Shades of Grey? *smh* 
 My experience with reading the first parts of this book was deeply, deeply excruciating. I was silently screaming all over the place as not to wake the people sleeping in the house. I was mustering all I had not to throw my kindle across the floor. If it had been a physical copy, I might have already spat on it or ripped it to shreds or burned it. Thank God, I didn't buy it, though. THANK GOD! 
 For the most part, it really is similar to Twilight. I hate it. This is when humanity made the same mistake all over again. Why would you repeat Twilight? Why would someone publish erotic Twilight fan fiction? I think I've finally lost the remnants of my faith in humanity. It had crumbled into pieces. Carried away by the wind into oblivion, never to be seen again. 
 In a way, it's not at all fairytale-like. It's not at all sugar-coated either. With that being said, I'm trying to explain how this book exhibits a sort of balance: Anastasia Steele (By the way, Anastasia Steele, you are the scum of the female population. I abhor you.) being given expensive gifts and a delicious fuck buddy BUT said fuck buddy is kinky and creepy and has intimacy issues. Bittersweet, innit? But balanced. So go figure for that! The other only good thing about this book was the non-kinky smut. And it didn't even surpass 5% of the book. Quite sad, really. There wasn't anything off about the writing too. Sigh. Those 3 were the only good things about this book. 
 Ergo, it was a complete waste of my precious reading time. I didn't rate this because this book doesn't deserve a star.