AMERICA'S GOT TALENT 
 A large auditorium. The audience is abuzz with low-quality hysteria. Who's up next? A glowering old man stands on the vast stage. He's got a guitar and one of those neck-brace harmonica things and he looks mortally offended. He always looks like that though. 
 Simon: And what's your name? 
 Man : Cormac McCarthy. 
 Simon : Where are you from? 
 CM : Rhode Island. 
 LA Reid : Would you say you had a philosophy of life? 
 CM : There's no such thing as life without bloodshed. I think the notion that the species can be improved in some way, that everyone could live in harmony, is a really dangerous idea. Those who are afflicted with this notion are the first ones to give up their souls, their freedom. Your desire that it be that way will enslave you and make your life vacuous. 
 Cheryl Cole : Awa, tha wez canny good but Ah think it wez above me heed. 
 Paula Abdul : What are you going to do for us, Cormac? 
 CM : It's called "All the Pretty Horses". 
 Simon : Okay, in your own time. 
 CM performs "All the Pretty Horses". Shots of 14 year old girls in the audience looking bewildered. Every time CM mentions violent death the boys whoop and cheer. 
 Simon : Er, okay, we'll go straight to the vote. Cheryl? 
 CC : When Ah wis a bairn Ah used te gan te Sunday school - yon bonny lad soonds jes like yon Bible but wi cooboys. Wis there any cooboys in the Bible Simon? 
 Simon : Is that a yes or a no? 
 CC : Well... It's sort of a yes... 
 Simon : Paula? 
 Paula : I'm so grateful that ordeal is over. I'm too old for this crap. 
 Simon : So that's a no. 
 LA Reid : I have to say - Cormac - did you have any idea how much you were getting on our nerves? Was it necessary to start every single sentence with for, and, yet, so - it was conjunction city. So here's another short word for you. It's a no. 
 Simon : Well (with a superior smile which one sweet day someone will knock off his face) I liked it. It was different. Admittedly you lost about two thirds of the audience after chapter three but that doesn't have to be a disaster. I think you've really got something. Look, Cormac, I don't really think the X Factor is the proper venue for your kind of talent. You know you have to have three votes out of four to pass the audition process but in your case I'm going to say see me after the show. I think we could work something out.