I don't know what I expected, but it certainly wasn't this. And I know I am sounding like an asshole now, but this was surprisingly good. My boo Xenia send me this little book, and as soon as I held it in my hand I knew that this would be the perfect book to cram in before my two buddy-reads this weekend. 
 Well, it didn't really turn out as planned, because I've finished this in two hours, and now I have to find another short book. As you can see, first world problems are my thang. ;) 
 Before writing this review, I checked out the reviews of other people here on Goodreads and I have to say they left me utterly confused. The reviewers talk about 'tiptoeing around spoilers' and 'the unraveling of the big mystery' and I'm sitting here like: WTF? I knew what the 'big mystery' was going to be since page 16. And guess what? It didn't matter one bit. This novel totally wasn't a 'psychological mystery', in my opinion, it was a short character-driven story that granted us the look into the mind of a scared 16-year-old boy who is forced to come to terms with his past. 
 And so the story and the 'unraveling of the mystery' were totally predictable to me, and that's why I will 'spoil' it (because I didn't even consider it a spoiler). If you have a problem with that, you shouldn't keep on reading. 
 Now onto my actual review: 
 But what is there to say when what's inside of me is unspeakable?So, this novel is a story about sexual abuse. It's about a boy who was sexually abused by his father when he was very young (around the age of nine and before that). This boy is Andrew Winston Winters. Yes, savour that name, because the boy to whom it belongs is just as pretentious (I will get into that, no worries). Win is 16 years old now, and attending a boarding school in New England. He has changed his name, and is trying his hardest to leave his past behind. He is very secluded, and doesn't make an effort to make friends. Being on his own seems safer to him. 
 Due to his childhood trauma, he has developed a coping mechanism, which helps him to supress the flashbacks and memories and feelings that are connected with his father and his abuse. He feels like there is a wolf inside of him, and he is convinced that when he matures into a man the wolf will break free. This might sound really, really strange to you. And I totally get that. But somehow Kuehn pulls that off. The metaphor works. And honestly, I think it's cleverly done, because after all this is still YA (this book is recommended for readers of the age 13+) and so it would be very disturbing and inappropriate to talk about parent-child incest in an explicit way. And so instead of that one explicit abuse scene, Win's father simply turns into a wolf when they are in the bedroom together. Again, this might sound super strange to you, but it wasn't. 
 I wouldn't necessarily say that Kuehn's writing style is extraordinary, but it's decent, and overall she managed to elicit a feeling of dreaminess and strangeness, which worked very well, because this whole novel is one big metaphor. The two lines of action (one set in the past, when Win is 9 years old, and the other set in the present when he is 16) were a little unnecessary, because the story could've easily played out in the present with Win having flashbacks, but I won't be nit-picky. 
 And in general I highly appreciated the format of my edition of the book. The font was perfect, the spacing was perfect. I loved the length of the chapters, which were super short (only around 5 pages each), which made it super easy to fly through this book. 
 But now onto the things that I didn't like that much: 
 1. Win was a pretentious little fuck. I know that it's very typical in YA literature to have a protagonist who is 'special' and 'not like other kids their age', but it's so annoying. I shit you not, at one point Win talks about the fact that his younger sister was born at midday, and his brother at sunrise, but that he, on the other hand, was born at night. Like a secret. UGH. Calm down, Felicia, you're not that special. And shit like that happened on multiple occasions and I rolled my eyes so hard I could see the back of my head. 
 2. (and again another common issue that I have with YA literature) The characters didn't speak their age. So for instance, after Win told his brother that he wants to die, his brother replies:'No, no, you don't. Okay, kid? Just believe me when I say, someday life is going to get a lot better. I promise.And his brother is fucking 13 years old, when he says that. Which 13-year-old reacts in that way??? 
 And another example, when Win sees his cousin whom he hasn't seen in years, this is how the scene unfolds:'You remember me, don't you?' 
 I made a face. Um, no, I didn't. As far as I knew, we'd never met, and if we had, I prayed for those memories to stay erased.Since when are 9-year-olds that sassy??? Was I just a deprived, silly child, or is this really over the top pretentious? 
 Oh and before I forget it, when Winston talks about escorting a girl to a party, he feels 'like Orpheus returning Eurydice from the underworld'. Yeah, sure, totally something a 16-year-old would think. 
 3. There were some logical flaws, or things that seemed just really implausible, and they annoyed me, e.g. the fact that Win is 'close to his goal of 6 percent body fat'. Just google how that looks like, I can tell you, definitely not like a scrawny teenager; or that the boarding school he attends prohibits locks on the dorm room doors. Is this a real thing??? Common trust is all well and good, but how do they keep theft, sexual assault, and just in general the invasion of privacy at bay? It doesn't seem sustainable to me at all, since there are no guards whatsoever. 
 4. Despite its heavy subject matter, the narrative remained superficial. I appreciate that Kuehn adressed the topic of sexual abuse by a parent, however, in the end it felt too superficial, and especially the ending was wrapped up so quickly that it became unbelievable. I wanted her to explore the repercussion of abuse more, or at least hint that recovery is a long, hard road. Unfortunately, Winston's suicidal thoughts and other coping mechanism (such as hurting himself) weren't explored broadly enough. (Even though the final message - to believe in your own abilities and worth - is, of course, a good one!) 
 5. There is one specific scene in here, right at the beginning where Win escorts Jordan (the new girl in school) to a party, that made me really fucking furious. When they get there, Win's friend Lex, who is a jealous fuckboy, literally throws himself at Jordan, touches her ass and sticks his tongue down her throat, and when Jordan tries to wriggle free, doesn't let go of her. So, in my book, a clear case of sexual assault which shouldn't be excused... but Kuehn decides to offer the explanation that Lee 'was just drunk'. Great, so next time a guy sexually assaults me, I can just brush it off because he was just drunk? No, thank you. Worst of all, Jordan herself thinks it's funny, and she is dating Lee by the end of this book. I can't even deal. 
 But to end on a happier note, this book, which was published in 2013, is totally shitting on Donald Trump and I was living for it. He's used by the students as a nickname for a boy who is the school's resident Republican and capitalist cheerleader, and who is constantly doing stupid things. Woop woop! 
 Also, Kuehn tackles a lot of important issues, such as immigration (Jordan talks about the fact that her parents migrated from Mexico, and how it rubbed her the wrong way how her classmates talked about [illegal] immigration earlier), or the exploration of one's sexual needs (it's a little annoying to read about, but in the end I appreciate that Kuehn mentioned that the boys are jacking off all the time - I mean, it's realistic). She's also calling out everyday racism and homophobia, e.g. how certain sweets have racial undertones, or how Winston's grandmother is always talking in a hushed voice about their gay neighbours. 
 Overall, I'd say that this book is worth your time. It probably won't blow your mind, and it won't introduce you to new ideas, but it's a quick and somewhat different read. I highly appreciate it when authors try something different to the standard formula of a story with a beginning, a middle and an end.