** spoiler alert ** 
 Review Posted as of 4/3/16 
 I hoped that What Really Happened in Peru would be a well-written and entertaining short story. But then I read the first sentence and it was in that moment that I knew that this story was going to suck. 
 "Magnus awoke in his roadside inn just outside Lima, and once he had arrayed himself in an embroidered waistcoat, breeches, and shining buckled shoes, he went in search of breakfast. Instead he found his hostess, a plump woman whose long hair was covered with a black mantilla, in a deep, troubled conference with one of the serving girls about a recent arrival to the inn." 
 Wow, this sentence reads like something you would find in a badly written fanfic. 
 "(Insert name here) awoke in (fill in location here), then (insert description of clothing) and then end sentence with (what the character is doing.)" 
 The rest of writing seemed amateurish and flat. The preface promises to reveal why Magnus was banned from Peru. So we see Magnus Bane dicking around Peru during the following years (1791, 1885, 1890, and 1962) and doing dickish things like: 
 *Randomly setting a girl's skirt on fire while dancing with her. (She's fine so that makes it funny) 
 *Magnus drunkenly breaking into some guy's house, taking a carpet and then enchanting it to fly. 
 Then he flies into the desert, attacking his friends while pretending to become a cactus. (All of this is recapped by Catrina) This is all before barfing on the Nazca Lines. 
 *Magnus steals stuff with a con artist named Kitty with the stipulation that they "always steal from the irritating and spend the cash on booze and useless trinkets." 
 And we have only scratched the surface of this little turd. I haven't discussed the random incidents, the subtle reminders that Magnus Bane is bisexual, and the offensive moment. 
 Random Incidents: 
 *Magnus protecting a shipment of guano (not kidding), attacking what he thinks is a pirate ship, and then randomly jumping into a pile of guano. 
 *Magnus had tried to flirt with his plate when he was drunk and when Catarina reminds him, he replies that he was a "very open-minded sort of fellow". 
 *Magnus being attacked by a dominant male monkey who thinks Magnus is after his females. This causes Magnus to make this oh so funny comment: 
 "Pardon me, but we did not have the time to exchange that kind of personal information," Magnus said. "I could not have known! Moreover, I wish to assure both of you that I did not make any amorous advances on female monkeys." He paused and winked. 
 Offensive Moment: 
 After Magnus's drunken adventures, Magnus is lying in bed with a massive hangover. So the locals are trying to cure Magnus's hangover by using guinea pigs which results in a little of "making fun of the locals". Of course this isn't ethnocentric. 
 The Subtle Reminders that Magnus Is Bisexual: 
 "It would be an excellent story, which might impress some of the ladies who were not inexplicably allured by Ragnor. Or some of the gentlemen." 
 "It was sometimes inconvenient to have the gold-green, slit-pupiled eyes of a cat, but this was usually easily hidden with a small glamour, and if not, well, there were quite a few ladies--and men--who didn't find it a drawback." 
 "'What is her name?' 'I resent your implication,' Magnus said. 'There is no woman in the case. I am married to my music!' 'Oh, all right,' Catarina said. 'What's his name, then?'" 
 Conclusion: 
 This story was unfunny, plotless, and pointless. And after reading about Magnus being a dick to people, you'd think at the very end, it would be revealed why Magnus was banned from Peru. Nope. The very last sentence states: "To this day, whatever it is that actually got him banned from Peru is--and perhaps must always remain--a mystery." 
 It is sad to say that I could probably find a better story about Magnus Bane on FanFiction.net.