** spoiler alert ** 
 Arc provided by NetGalley for an honest review. 
 Even as I read this, disliked it, giggled at it etc, I was always very aware that regardless of how utterly silly I found it, Adrienne Woods has still written books and I absolutely have not. So no matter what I say, she is the real winner here. 
 The story follows 16 year old Elena. Her dad moves them from place to place every 3 months due to a danger unknown. During one of these escapes, their car is attacked by a dragon, and Elena watches with horror as her father transforms into a dragon, fights them, and is killed for the trouble. Elena is rescued by her father's allies and begins a new life in Pageia, where dragons roam about in human form and attend a fancy school. 
 There are many Harry Potter / Hogwarts parallels here but in the grand scheme of things these are not issues. There are plenty of other problems here to gorge yourself on. 
 1) Elena. 
 Oh my Lord. Elena must be one of the worst heroines I have ever read, in any book. Her dad turns into a dragon and is killed for unknown reasons. Elena's response? Cry about it, get a boyfriend. Not once does she question WHY he was killed, or whom by. Why did her father make sure they moved every 3 months? Who is Matt, the ally he was trying to get her too? All these questions, in Elena's head, are not important. Hell, she probably didn't even think to ask. 
 All Elena does is whine and complain. I can allow that she is sad. I cannot allow her whining. When she starts Dragonia Academy she is helped out by two girls - Becky and Sammy. These poor girls don't know who they've been saddled with. Elena complains because she is behind in class and doesn't understand anything - she just wants to go home. She complains because she can't stop thinking about some hot guy. She complains because some girls glare at her. She complains because others try to help her catch up in class, but it's too hard. She complains because she might have to leave the school since she can't catch up. Also, she stares wide eyed and silent. She is confused all the time. She has not an ounce of agency, until towards the end of the book when, utterly out of the blue, she decides to take herself on a suicide mission. (Let it be noted, she still sucks at everything at school). Her friends find out: 
 "What's wrong with you, Elena? Have you really lost your marbles? What are we supposed to do if you don't come back?" Sammy chirped, her eyes sparkling with tears. 
 "What are you afraid of?" I yelled at both of them, shaking my head in disbelief. 
 Elena. Your friends are expressing concern. Do not yell at them. Also, they just told you what they're afraid of. Open your fucking ears, girl. 
 Anyway, Sammy relents and agrees to join her because of reasons and sensible Becky responds as a normal person should - i.e. disbelief and objection, pointing out that Elena is almost completely untrained and they're all going to die. Elena is furious! 
 "What're you so afraid of? You of all people should be backing me up, Becky." I could feel my nostrils flare. I was furious that she wouldn't even consider my plan. 
 Why should Becky be backing you up, Elena? She's afraid of going on a suicide mission! Also, let it be known that Elena doesn't actually have a plan. She's winging it. Obviously. 
 When everyone has been bullied or guilt tripped into going with her on the suicide mission with no plan, Elena is scared to fly on a dragon but then proceeds to enter a magical cave alone and pass some tests that only 5 people have managed to do previously. Christ knows how only 5 people managed, since Elena mostly falls over and luckily misses getting her head chopped off as a result, stumbling out at the end dazed, stupid and wondering why her friends are shocked she managed it. 
 Later, when shit has hit the fan, one of her friends dies. Back at the school, she's ALLOWED TO PASS ALL OF HER TESTS because of his death. In her words, it's "a miracle". Someone praises her for inspiring her friends to go with her: 
 "But for your friends to follow you all the way on this mission that seemed crazy, that's what makes kings and queens." 
 Elena accepts this praise, conveniently forgetting that she threw a sulky fit at her friends when they asked what the plan was and she didn't know. In short, Elena can suck my dick. 
 2) Insta-romance. 
 Lucian is a hot prince at school. Elena is whiny and stupid. He falls in love with her in about 12 and a half minutes. I'm not really sure why they are attracted to each other - possibly because they're both so bland and boring that they saw each other and thought: Phew! Someone as depressingly flat as myself! They won't know how tedious I am because they're so tedious too!! 
 Perhaps I am being unfair, since Elena seems to like Lucian for his "lean muscle and ripped abs shining in the moonlight". That's at least a reason. Fuck knows what Lucian sees in Elena. He mentions once or twice that she's funny: 
 "What was your favourite subject back home?" 
 "Art, the drawing type." 
 "You're really funny. I love that part of you." 
 What? What was the joke? What?! 
 Also, I must share their first kiss, because it made me laugh so much: 
 "His mouth felt as if it were made to fit mine. There wasn't a nose or chin in the way, and our tongues danced in perfect rhythm." 
 Excuse me?? Where did your noses and chins go?? Are you Voldemort?? 
 3) The writing 
 The language in this novel was just downright odd. I had to reread sentences over and over to understand what was happening sometimes, as it was all worded so awkwardly. There are random skips from scene to scene without explanation. There are almost no descriptions - I have no idea what Elena or Becky look like, or what Dragonia looks like. Even when describing an exciting fight scene, the writing is brief and vague, such as when Elena is navigating a difficult obstacle course: 
 The crasher came next. I decided to dive for it. If I lost a leg, I could somehow still manage to finish and get the reward. 
 As I dusted myself off, I couldn't believe it." 
 Nope, I didn't miss anything out, I swear. One minute she's decided to jump, and then she's done it. No descriptions of how, her feelings, her fears, no tension. This is mirrored later, when Elena gets stabbed. Woods actually describes the stabbing but all Elena thinks is "my whole body felt as if it was on fire." That's all. Ow. 
 The dialogue, too, sounds awkward and robotic and nothing like real teenagers. They say things like 'for the love of blueberries', and 'biatch'. Plus, everyone says things in an tone. 
 "Idiot," Becky said in a singsong tone. 
 ...I said in a sarcastic tone. 
 "Elena," he said in a surprised tone. 
 "No," I said in a nervous tone. 
 However, I was tempted to push my rating up to two stars because it truly did bring me joy sometimes. It's very much like watching a terrible horror movie and howling at it with friends and wine. My absolute favourite line in this entire book was regarding a young man who wants a cigarette: 
 He lifted up the left side of his butt and took out his packet of smokes. 
 WHERE is he keeping those smokes?? IN THE CREASE WHERE THIGH MEETS BUTT CHEEK?? 
 Another of my favourites was: 
 The belly of a huge, blue beast on four legs the size of tree stumps stood in front of the pickup. 
 Tree stumps are very different from tree trunks. Thus, I imagined a great huge dragon with fat stumpy legs and had to do a double take. Never mind, I thought. Maybe it was a typo. But low and behold another description of a dragon later, whose tail resembled a big tree stump. 
 These dragons are very stumpy and cute. 
 The quality of writing is just poor. I understand that these books are designed for a younger audience, but there are heaps of books for kids and teens that are written well, if simplistically, with far better characters. I couldn't even add this to my 'student-friendly' shelf in good conscience. 
 TL;DR 
 I realise this is the longest review I've ever written, but it was so easy to just let the rant flow wild and free once I'd started. Despite everything I've said, however, it did make me laugh, even if it was unintentional, but I don't think that's a bad thing necessarily. Plus, I don't think the premise is bad. I love dragons and I love boarding school set fantasies, and there were some nice ideas here. They were just all executed so poorly.