Domlight. 
 Oi. Take two. 
 So Ana Steele did the smartest thing she could have done by leaving Christian Grey to wallow in his chamber of kinkiness. 
 But the dumb bitch decided to go back to him. 
 Personally, I think she would have been better off getting hit by that bus. 
 This stupid book picks up three days after the first book ended. Ana, much like Bella Swan, is pining for Christian by crying, whining, bitching, moaning, starving herself, and ultimately acting twelve over a relationship that hardly warrants a FUBAR-level of pain. One would think she lost her love of ten years - not her psychopath of ten minutes. 
 Her new job at a publishing house (*snort*) is the only thing keeping her head above the water, saving her from sweet death. As her angst builds to the level of an emo teenager, she fails to notice her creepy boss casually hitting on her at every opportunity. 
 His name? Mr. Hyde. 
 Really, Ms. James? Stealing from Robert Louis Stevenson, this time? I guess I should be happy that at least you stole from a Scottish author. Despite all your British literature being referenced, I was starting to think you only stole from American writers. 
 Moving on. 
 Eventually she has to see Christian again when he accompanies her to an event for Jacob. I mean Jose. Whatever. Apparently his photographs on display are cool. Seeing Ana is cool. The whole thing is just so effing cool. Like, totally cool. 
 I'm not sure if the author purposefully made Jose stupid or she's just that dense herself. 
 Naturally Christian gets jealous and demands they leave. She admits to forgetting her safe word while he beat her in the previous book and he claims her 'screw up' created all these problems. 
 Okay, as someone with a perpetually guilty conscience, even I would have called him out on his shit. Why in the hell did she allow him to make her feel guilty over forgetting to do something that wasn't properly explained to her?! Hello, Mr. I'm-into-spanking-and-I-have-rules, why didn't you better prepare her for your hand of doom? 
 Don't worry, ladies. He follows all of this up by asking the one question we girls all love hearing: 
 "'Do you want a regular vanilla relationship with no kinky fuckery at all?'" 
 Yeah, your spanking is just SO kinky, Christian. Please, the only thing kinky about you, dude, is your love for female bleeding and that's just gross. 
 After some sex, we eventually get to the apparent plot of the sequel: a deranged lunatic is out for Ana and Christian. A former submissive of Christian's went off the deep end and now he's desperate to protect his precious Ana. 
 When he explains this to her, Ana's response is more or less like this: 
 Unconcerned with a nutcase trying to put her six feet under, Ana continues banging Christian and alienating a chick that could probably kick her ass. Mrs. Lincoln, a woman Ana refers to as Mrs. Robinson, is the old hag who introduced Christian to the tie-me-up way of life. After an event where Ana drank way too much champagne, Mrs. Robinson pulls her aside to make ridiculous threats. 
 I hoped their girl-fight would lead to bitch slaps and clawing of the eyes. I figured that at the very least Ana would go blind. Unfortunately, I was disappointed and Christian broke up their argument. 
 That was the best of the drama in the entire book. 
 Later, Leila gets the opportunity to hurt Ana and holds a pistol towards her. Christian uses his dom-kinkery-ways to stop her from putting a bullet in Ana's hollow skull, which leads Ana to question their entire relationship. 
 Uhhh, you just had a gun pointed at you, the boyfriend saved you, and all you can think is how insecure you are?! 
 Furthermore, could Ms. James possibly steal any more lines from Twilight? She's not even subtle about it. 
 "'I can't give you what you need. How could you be happy with me? How can I possibly hold you?'" 
 Ana Steele, Fifty Shades Darker, p. 230 
 Where have I seen this before? 
 "'I don't trust myself to be...enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you.'" 
 Bella Swan, New Moon, p.523 
 E.L. James is a straight up thief. 
 Back to the bullshit. 
 Eventually he proposes, she says no (because she is Bella Swan), Mr. Hyde almost rapes her, she thinks Christian dies in a helicopter crash, and finally she accepts his proposal. 
 It's a stupid plot with stupid characters that act stupid the whole way through. On top of the stupidity, it was written poorly and stolen. Fifty fans that don't admit to their leader straight up jacking Twilight lines are delusional (or as vacuous as James herself). 
 This book sucked just as hard as the first in terms of plot and poor grammar. Whoever edited this crap lacked the proper skills and a thesaurus. Oh my, if I have to read her say 'oh my' one more time, I will crack! OH MY! 
 In addition, I think Random House did a disservice to literate people by not properly emending this mess before mass marketing. 
 You're milking that cash cow, Random House, but now everyone is dying from sour milk.