Actual rating: 3.5 
 This book is part sci-fi, part fantasy, and all hilarity. It is utterly charming. Sure, there's a werewolf, a vampire, and a love triangle, but Twilight this ain't. 
 This is my first Ilona Andrews, and while I cannot say that it has converted me into a fan of their writing, I did enjoy this book. My main problem with this book is that it didn't draw me in as much as I had expected. It was a pleasure to read, but it lacked a certain spark that would consistently hold my attention. It took me a long time to actually finish this book because I didn't really feel compelled to actually continue on. There was nothing overtly wrong with the book. There are a lot of things that I felt could be improved, like the characterization, the love triangle, for fuck's sake, and the overall complexity of things, but overall, this completely fulfills the job of thoroughly entertaining me and not aggravating me in any way. 
 I mean it, guys, there's just no anger here. I'm the most bitter person I know, and I could find nothing that I disliked about this book. 
 It is light hearted and refreshing. Humor is so pervasive here. For a book with a plot revolving around the bloody mutilation of humans and animals, this book constantly made me smile. 
 There is magic, murder, mayhem, combined with so much alpha male territorial tension that you could cut it with a knife. A werewolf. A vampire lord. Alien nobilities with a penchant for flesh (the fresher the better). Monsters prowling around the neighborhood killing indiscriminately like the mother of all chupacabras. Intergalactic diplomacy and an alien goblin market. An inn with a life of its own, and an innkeeper determined to hold it all together. 
 Rest assured, there is plenty of blood, guts, and gore, and a dog-like monster who would make Cujo quiver in his large floppy paws. 
 It was at least five feet long, maybe five and a half. Spotted black and blue fur grew in patches along its spine; the rest of it was covered with pinkish wrinkled skin. Its skull was almost horselike, if horses could be carnivores. Long jaws, too large for the head, protruded forward, making the wide, flat nose seem ridiculously small. A forest of sharp bloodred fangs sprouted from the jaws, barely hidden by white lips. But the eyes, the eyes were worst of all. Small and sunken deep into the skull, they burned with malevolent intelligence. 
 The writing is delightful and made me chuckle more than once. 
 Dina is an Innkeeper, the guardian of the magical Inn. Think of the Inn not as a building, but a living, breathing thing. An oversized pet, if you will, controlled by its mistress, the Innkeeper. The Inn is sentient, it has power of its own. Like a fortress, it keeps the unwanted out by any means necessary. 
 My magic boomed through the inn like the toll of a huge bell. It had no sound, but I heard it all the same. Sean flew out of the house like a fleck of dust caught in the current of a fan and smashed into an apple tree forty feet away. I heard the crunch all the way from where I stood. 
 "Karma," I said, petting the doorframe. 
 The house creaked. 
 "You did well," I murmured to it. 
 The Setting: I enjoyed the setting and the world building, but it took some getting used to. I had to stop midway through this book to ask my friend if this book was in fact a part of another series, because at times, I felt like I just walked into a party in the middle of a joke, and missed the punchline. The setting was a little foreign at first, it is not hand-fed to you. This book is set in the present day, but incorporates a lot of fantasy and sci-fi elements, and it took awhile for the entire setting to be explained. The world building is interesting, and funny. Did I mention funny? There's a lot of whimsical word play that made it exceedingly silly at times, while never reached the point of utter absurdity. 
 "How about Auul? Does that ring a bell?" 
 When pronounced the right way, the name rhymed with Raul, but it was softer, said with more longing, each vowel stretched until it sounded like the howl of a lonely wolf under the full moon. 
 "Cute," he said. "Are you going to bark at me next?" 
 Everyone does agree that after the civilizations had existed independently for almost a thousand years, the Raoo of Mraar invaded Auul. 
 Heehee! 
 The Characters: Dina is such an endearing narrator. I loved her voice, I loved her narration, I greatly enjoyed her character. Dina is humorous, she is strong, she has magic, and she knows how to wield it. She is an efficient, rational woman, a hardworking one, intent on keeping the peace and maintaining the integrity of her Inn. It is an important task, Innkeepers are not just housekeepers, they are diplomats, bound by numerous laws of their trade, and they must be well-versed on the workings of interplanetary laws concerning their guests as well. It is a job requiring intelligence, hard work, and Dina has plenty of both. She has to be tactful, she has to be sensitive to her guests when they are in her inn. Even if they are so self-important it's hard to take them seriously. 
 "House of Krahr!" the vampire with the banner barked quietly. 
 "Krahr," the other four vampires exhaled and glared at me. 
 Usually they roared their house name at the top of their lungs, trying to intimidate... Oh. They were trying to be inconspicuous. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I'd never had an attempt at intimidation whispered at me before. 
 "My lord, why are you wearing trench coats?" 
 "We must blend in," he said. "This is a covert operation." 
 Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh..."It's very hot," I said. "Trench coats are a cold-weather garment." 
 The other characters are a werewolf who looks like one would expect. And by that, I mean a Jacob Black clone. 
 Did I mention this book has pictures? It has pictures! 
 So here's the wolf, Sean: 
 Aaaand his polar opposite, the vampire lord, Arland: 
 They both have their alpha male moment where they sort of sniff each other and growl at each other and call each other names, but neither of them are ever overwhelmingly bad or cruel. Sean tends to be a little patronizing sometimes. If you asked me whom I prefer, I'd have to say that it's the vampire. Just because he's a vampire, and he's a blond elfin type who looks like he's Legolas' bodybuilder cousin. Also, Arland is a sweetheart ^_^ 
 "When a man takes up arms, he does so for many reasons. Sometimes to punish, sometimes to intimidate or frighten. But when a woman picks up a weapon, she means to kill. So please do not take this as an insult." 
 He leaned toward me. Suddenly the space between us shrank. 
 "I will do everything in my power to ensure your survival, and should the need arise, I will put myself between danger and you." 
 The Romance: Yeah, there is a love triangle, but it's not to be taken too seriously, because both guys hate each other more than they like Dina. There is a lot of territoriality (a vampire and a werewolf would never walk into a bar together), and little more beyond that. Also, there's a fucking monster on the loose, guys. Ain't nobody got time for romance. 
 "Why are you helping them?" 
 "Because the safety of the inn and its guests is now in jeopardy." 
 "And the fact that both of them are heartbreakers has nothing to do with it?" 
 "They are very nice to look at. But the dahaka [monster] threatened me in my own house. That I will not tolerate." 
 And that's just the way I like it.