For Beatrice - 
 You will always be in my heart, 
 in my mind, 
 and in your grave. 
 More of the same silliness, though the Baudelaires met some friends their age in this one, and they weren't morons, which was different. 
 Here's a fact of life illustrated by Lemony that I rather liked: "...in times of extreme stress one can often find energy hidden in even the most exhausted areas of the body. I discovered this myself when I was woken up in the middle of the night and chased sixteen miles by an angry mob armed with torches, swords, and vicious dogs..." 
 And some words of advice from the same page: "A good night's sleep helps you perform well in school, and so if you are a student you should always get a good night's sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk.'" I've heeded this advice a few times even though I didn't know I was doing it since I just read this the other day. 
 As usual this silliness is strewn throughout, and makes the journey most enjoyable. 
 That's enough for the review, and now I'm going to talk about me. (Yeah, I know; novelty night). Actually, I just intend to explain why there's a decade long gap between the first four books and this one because there may be one or two of you on here who actually want to know... Well, that might be true, but I'll admit that I'm covering a bad reason with a good one there. I'm just self-centered and like talking about me, so there. 
 I've read this book one and a half times. I started it in 2006, and made it to page 109. At least that's where my bookmark was, so I assume that's where I stopped. It wasn't because I wasn't enjoying the book. Or rather it wasn't because the book wasn't enjoyable. I probably wasn't enjoying it because I wasn't enjoying anything at all in life at that point. At least I don't think I was. 2006 was a terrible year overall. It culminated in a perfect storm of external and internal factors in the last three or four months capped off with a medicine change, and me winding up with the personality of a dial tone. This was quite a change from a few months earlier where I was quickly becoming a complete madman. 
 Everything I liked went by the wayside as far as my participation in it was concerned. Myspace was the in thing at that time (facebook for the masses was still in its infancy), and I loved writing little blog posts, but there's a few month gap in them at that point. I just didn't like anything anymore. I didn't necessarily dislike it either; everything just was. It may sound kind of zen, but it wasn't so much acceptance as it was resignation... I think. A very confusing time, looking back. Come to find out a lot of people were concerned. Just about everyone who knew me, in fact. Even the densest people in my life noticed something was up even if I didn't notice it much myself. It all worked out, though. I came out the other end of it mid 2007, though signs of improvement started showing up around March or April. 
 Anyway, I suppose December/January was the nadir or this thing. Though we did another med change in December, I was a beaten man for a few more months even if I didn't much care. The Christmas miracle for 2006 was that I managed my annual reading of A Christmas Carol, though it took a few weeks, a few paragraphs at a time. I only did that because it was tradition, and I forced myself through it which I'd never had to do before and have never had to do since. I'm back to loving that reading experience every time I have it. But by the time December rolled around, all other reading had fallen by the wayside, a phrase which doesn't mean "flunk" in this instance, but "became the victims of apathy." The Austere Academy was one such casualty. 
 I think I started reading again spring of 2007, and started out with books I had already read. And I enjoyed them. I reread The Dark Tower series, and that got things going again, though it's apparently taken me ten years to get back to the Series of Unfortunate Events. Better late than never. 
 To show how out of it I was, mid 2007 I discovered Stephen King had put out Lisey's Story in October 2006, and I hadn't gotten it though I always got King's new stuff right when it came out. I was several months behind when I found it, and I realized that I wasn't even keeping up with Stephen's release dates. I've since rectified that matter. (End of Watch is next, 6-7-16!) 
 Sometimes it seems amazing that I could go a few months without reading anything save A Christmas Carol. Other times I know better and it doesn't seem odd at all, and the fact that I came back seems the more amazing part. Not reading was the least of my concerns back then, or it was a concern no important than any other, though it may be heresy to suggest such a thing on Goodreads. In truth, I had no concerns, though I should have; jobless, on the verge of homeless, . Like I said, things just were. Anyway, it happened. Don't let it happen to you. 
 Author's Bio: 
 Lemony Snicket first received his education from public schools and private tutors, and then vice versa. He has been hailed as a brilliant scholar, discredited as a brilliant fraud, and mistaken for a much taller man on several occasions. Mr. Snicket's researching skills are currently and devoutly concentrated on the plight of the Baudelaire orphans, published serially by HarperCollins.