** spoiler alert ** 
 This is my least favorite in the series (as of now) but it was still bloody brilliant; also bloody, brilliant (yes I make that joke everytime I'm talking about ASOIAF) :D 
 I'm not gonna lie I'm writing this Review/ summary with the help of Wikipedia and the ASOIAF because so much shit is going on in that series that I have problems keeping the books apart. 
 In the Seven Kingdoms 
 So basically Westeros is at Civil War at this point because Robert the Bitch Baratheon died and people don't think that Joffrey is really HIS son (because gold locks ya know) and so Robert's brothers - Renly and Stannis (I like the latter, don't care for the former) - lay their claim on the throne as well. Meanwhile Robbie Stark (Robb excuse me I watched too much of Coldplay's musical on GoT) is crowned KING IN tHE FUCKING NORth because he is a badass and he wants to avenge the beheading of his daddy (the one and only "one does not simply survive a book/movie"). Balon Greyjoy declares himself King of the Iron Islands (because why the heck not) and attacks from the North as well. Bran the whiny little brother who got pushed from the tower by Jamie the Man himself finds his friends Jojen and Meera (who are Crannogmen of House Reed and their daddy is like my sugar daddy because he's probs the only one that knows of R+L=J and I need him in my life). 
 Stannis has the help of Melisandre (who is cray af), she believes that Stannis is Azor Ahai (basically God, the Prince that was promised whateva). Catelyn the Hoe (I hate her because she abused/ bullied a child (aka Jon Snow) just because it wasn't hers) meets with Renly and Stannis to form an alliance against the Lannisters. As anything that Catelyn touches it ends in disaster because Melisandre's weird shadow baby kills Renly whilst Kitty Cat is on the scene and so she has to flee. She is accomplished by the Maiden not so Fair Brienne of Tarth who owns my heart. Melisandre's shadow baby is not a one hit wonder and kills the castellan of Storm's End and the storm lords pledge alliance to Stannis. 
 Meanwhile Tyrion is Joffrey's hand and man isn't that a sweet job. Tyrion proves to be quite the badass strategist, he plots against Cersei, manages to improve the city's defenses and bringing the Tyrells and Martells on Lannisters side by marrying his niece and his nephew (Cersei's precious children) off, so Myrcella to Trystane of Dorne and Joffrey to Margaery. 
 Theon the Turncloak has daddy issues and wants to impress Balon and therefore captures Winterfell with the help of Ramsay Snow. But because Theon is stupid af Bran and Rickon manage to escape (Rickon is taken by Osha to God knows where and Bran flees northward with Jojen and Meera). Ramsay then imprisons Theon (LOOOL) and we all know what happened then SNIP SNIP motherfucker ;))) 
 Robb is quite the succesful King, winning battles left and right even against the famous Jamie Lannister. 
 Arya Stark does what she does best, posing as a boy and getting carried from one spot to the other. First she is to be taken to the Wall by Yoren, then they get attacked and she ends up in Harrelhall. Jaqen H'gar offers Arya three killings of her choice because she saved his life at one point on the road. Arya like the cunning child she is choses 2 soldiers under Gregor Clegance and Jaqen himself (God I love that girl :D). Jaqen carries out the first two murders and than agrees to help Arya flee by slaying the Lannister soldiers who guard Glover. H'gar gives Arya a Braavosi coin (Valar Morghulis, my friend) and tells her to meet with him in Braavos if she ever desires to learn more about herself. 
 Upon the end of the tale the epic battle of Blackwater Bay takes place in which Stannis tries to get a hold of King's Landing but is smashed by Tyrion's cunning (aka the use of WILDFIRE). 
 On the Wall 
 Some scouts of the Night's Watch learn that the Wildlings are uniting under the so-called King-beyond-the-Wall Mance Ryder. The Watch advances northward, first stopping by Craster (a Wildling man who fucks his own daughters and kills his sons in a true G.R.R. Martin fashion) and then camping on an old ruin on a hill also known as the Fist of the First Men. Jon and Qhorin get sent away (by Lord Commander Mormont) to infiltrate the wildlings and get more information on Mance. In the pass Jon and Qhorin are cornered by Wildlings and the latter convinces him to fake a betrayal of the wall in order to gain the trust of the Wildlings. Therefore Jon has to kill Qhorin and gets accepted by the Wildlings. He makes the acquaintance of Ygritte. 
 In the East 
 Dany travels East with the help of Jorah (aka Lord Friendzone), the remainder of her Khalasar and the newly hatched dragons. After struggling and losing a lot of her followers due to the harsh conditions and the heat Dany finally arrives at Quarth (a trading city on the Jade Sea). The Quarteen admire her and her dragons but won't help her conquer Westeros. She visits the House of the Undying and is shown disturbing scenes and pictures (which will basically haunt her forever, believe I read all the books). Drogon burns the House of the Undying and an attempt is made to kill Dany, she has to flee (yet again). In the harbor Strong Belwas and his squire (who claim to be friends of Ilyrio Mopatis) unite with Dany and want to get her back to Pentos, she agrees to accompany them to the Free Cities. 
 I think the reason this is my least favorite is that at this point (on my first read-through) I wasn't trash for the series yet and a hard time connecting and caring for all of the characters. I've always been a huge fan of Dany but honestly just in combination with the one and only Khal Drogo! :D and her storyline can get quite strenous. I also feel like this novel was much more of a set up for A Storm of Swords because really not that much happened. It was more of an exploration of the characters rather than plot advancement (if you take into consideration that this book is 1000 pages long). Nonetheless super good stuff and I can't wait to re-read the entire series (MAYBE EVEN NEXT YEAR WOO HOO)!