For Beatrice - 
 When we met, you were pretty, and I was lonely. 
 Now, I am pretty lonely. 
 3.5 stars (and rounded up in spite of a desire to round down in this case), though I'm not sure why. I liked 99.9% of it, but very little happens in this one. It definitely feels like it's just part of a bigger whole. We get answers to some of the mysteries, and then more mysteries which is just fine. I doubt they'll be wrapped up by the end of the series, but we'll get some answers at least. With the exception of one thing (which I'll cover momentarily), I enjoyed reading this book even if there wasn't a lot of story in it. The two older kids basically wander up a mountain, collect their sister, then leave. 
 Sunny leaves babyhood behind, which is kind of cool. But there was one part where I would've been just fine if Olaf had murdered her on the spot. Turns out Lemony Snicket is a liberal. I can't escape them. Fucking liberals. Yeah, yeah, I know many of you on here lean left. I guess I don't care. 
 I'm a Stephen King fan, and he's a democrat. I know this, and I expect a jab at my team in all of his books. For some reason I'm better able to take it in stride with him, I guess because I'm prepared (though the poke in Joyland pissed me off more than usual). But finding one in here was a bucket of ice water right in the face and caused me to put the book down for over a month. I reread an entire series in the interim, and had to force myself to pick this back up. I'm glad I did, because it really was just one small fly in the ointment. I realize this is my own hang-up, and I should probably discuss getting bent out of shape about it with a licensed therapist, but that's what happened. Most people probably wouldn't give a shit about this. 
 If you're familiar with Sunny in this series, or you've read my Hostile Hospital reivew where I actually sing Snicket's praises and accuse him of being a genius (and he is. My disdain for his politics aside, he's a literary craftsman of high degree and meticulous to a fault; I won't gainsay it), then you'll know that Sunny's nonsense words actually allude to something else that relates to whatever point she's trying to convey. Normally I love it, especially when I'm able to get the reference, but then we get to page 107. Sunny responds to Count Olaf: 
 "Busheney," Sunny said, which meant something along the lines of, "You're an evil man with no concern whatsoever for other people." 
 If that isn't a portmanteau of "Bush" and "Cheney," I'll eat this entire collection. Quite creative, and probably hilarious if you believe the two men were evil with no concern for others which was a popular notion, and still is I reckon. I personally found it infuriating. Firstly that it was in here at all. I don't think it belongs in a kid's book, but I might just be hypersensitive. I guess it's fair since other references in Sunny's words refer to other unsavory things in literature, politics, pop culture, etc. 
 Secondly, it pissed me off because I don't agree with the statement. But, if you believe Bush and Cheney are bad men, which Snicket probably does, then this is great stuff. Witty, and pithy, and loads of fun, hyuck, hyuck, hyuck. I'm not on that bandwagon, however. 2004 was the last presidential election in which I voted for a candidate instead of against the other asshat. McCain sucked ass in the 2000 primaries, the 2008 general election, and has basically sucked his whole life. Romney was a milksop in 2012. The republicans ran 8,000 people in the primaries this year, and I couldn't get behind a single one of them. Still can't. Whoever the nominee is will get my vote because not voting is not a viable option, and voting for a socialist? Not happening. (Just because Sanders is more socialist than Hillary doesn't mean she isn't one also). I loved Bush for almost his whole term (from 9-11 on, and I even liked him before then), and I was perfectly OK with Cheney. If you actually care for further details, see my Decision Points review, but that's more than enough of this kind of talk for this review. 
 Cigarettes are "in" in this book, at least for the bad guys. I wonder if Snicket hates smokers too? I think the only people who smoke are bad guys. Oh well. 
 As for the rest, it's the same old, same old, but the same old, same old is still awesome. If you like Snicket's style, then you're in for many treats. By book ten you should know whether or not it's your bag, so keep on keeping on if you've made it this far. That's what I plan to do, though if I find another political dig I can now just sigh and carry on as I won't be blindsided. Oh, that was so disappointing to find. Onto The Grim Grotto. 
 Author's Bio: 
 Until recently, LEMONY SNICKET was presumed to be "presumed dead." Instead, this "presumed" presumption wasn't disproved to not be incorrect. As he continues with his investigation, interest in the Baudelaire case has increased. So has his horror. 
 Brett Helquist (born, grew up, lives here, went to school there, etc.) His work deciphering the evidence provided by Lemony Snicket into pictures often leaves him so distraught that he is awake late into the night.