I have to give Ellen Schreiber credit -- not many authors can wussify vampires even more than Stephenie "Sparkly" Meyer. 
 But Ellen Schreiber has managed it, and "Vampire Kisses 9: Immortal hearts" just cements this. I'm not sure if it is the final instalment in her Vampire Kisses series, but after nine volumes of Hot Topic clothes, teen drama and Raven nagging at her boyfriend to make her a vampire, I'm ready for the pain to end. Two words: vampire braces. 
 I would love to summarize the plot, but there really isn't much of one. First, Raven decides (for purely selfish reasons) to find Luna a "soulmate." It takes about five minutes. Then Alexander's little sister Stormy comes to Dullsville for a visit, and since we can't have any drama lasting more than five minutes, she and Raven are instantly compatible. 
 But oh woe! Stormy is friends with Luna, her old babysitter (yes, vampire babysitter!), and she develops a crush on Raven's geeky little brother! Quelle horreur! But meanwhile, Raven is STILL whining about how she wants to be a vampire, but Alexander is inexplicably reluctant to turn her. And after Jagger gets pushy again, Alexander and Raven have a fight. 
 The thing that struck me about "Immortal Hearts" was that there was no suspense, no conflict. The problems that pop up are complete fluff and are solved immediately with no obstacles. Oh no, will Stormy hate the room Raven designed? Of course not. Oh no, Billy figured out what Stormy is! Oh wait, it doesn't lead to anything. 
 Schreiber tries to cover up the total lack of plot by constantly pelting us with Hot Topic mallgoth fashions, and Raven being stalked by various hot boys. Her prose sounds like a tween's blog ("Luna was fabulously amazing as the Bride of Frankenstein with a pink monster-do"), with matching dialogue ("And these curtains! They are so long and luscious!"). 
 But the worst part is her vampires, who are basically mallgoth versions of suburban white people -- I mean, she even writes in a tween vampire with BRACES. The romance is almost like a parody of teen vampire romances -- shallow but masquerading as Troo Luv, and with lots of "vampirism = sex" symbolism. How cliche. 
 I'll admit it, she does manage to FINALLY wrap up the main plot at the end, but it feels rushed and unsatisfying. Even worse, it leaves a bunch of questions hanging in the air. 
 Its also obvious that Raven hasn't matured since the beginning of the series -- she's still melodramatic, whiny, shallow, selfish and only likes people who are "goth" enough. The only semi-interesting character is Billy, a nerdy kid who is the ONLY person smart enough to deduce what's going on... but hey, why should we care about him? We have his parodytastic sister instead! 
 I don't know if this is the end of the series, but if it is, "Vampire Kisses 9: Immortal Hearts" ends the series with a whimper instead of a bang.