Oh God, I'm going to have to do this. Oh well, here I go. Hmm - he looks a bit fierce. 
 "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." 
 Silence... erm - now what am i supposed to say ? oh yes... 
 "I confess to God almighty, to blessed Mary, ever Virgin, to all the Saints, and to you Father, that I have sinned very much in thought, word, deed and omission, by my fault, my fault, my most grievous fault. Especially since my last confession which was ....... approximately 23 years and several months ago. Er. Hmm. I accuse myself of the following sins." 
 "Go on my son." 
 Oh, he speaks! Okay, where was I. 
 "In the last 23 years I have read 64 true crime books, you know, those sleazy penny dreadfuls about serial killers and all of that, and I have read umpteen books about pop music, but I have not read any Tolstoy, Toni Morrison or Balzac, no Stendahl, no Kafka... no Thomas Pynchon.. are you getting the drift here?" 
 Good Christ, thinks the priest, it's one of those. I wouldn't have thought it to look at the fellow. But he's one all right. 
 "No Toni Morrison, are you sure my son?" 
 "None at all, father. I even read Interview with the Vampire, but I didn't read Beloved or the Song of Solomon or any of that stuff." 
 "Yet you know the titles." 
 "Oh yes, I know the titles, father. That's all I know. Just the titles." 
 "Go on then." 
 "Well... also... I think Michael Haneke movies are dull and repetitive, Herzog is dreadful and I'd rather throw myself off a cliff than sit through anything by Eisenstein, Godard or Fellini. And I realise throwing yourself off a cliff is another sin." 
 "Well you're right about that. You'd better come clean about the rest of it too, I suppose." 
 "Right. Yes. Well." 
 Silence. 
 "This is quite difficult, father. Okay. I never listened to Radiohead." 
 The priest is visibly shocked. 
 "You never listened to Radiohead? The world's greatest band whose OK Computer is poised to wrest the title of all time best rock album from the dead hands of the shibboleths of the sixties for ever?" 
 "Yes Father, that Radiohead." 
 "You never even heard them? At all?" 
 "No Father. For these and all my other sins that I cannot now remember, I am truly sorry, firmly resolve not to sin again and humbly ask pardon of God, and of you, Father, counsel, penance and absolution". 
 "Well, I've heard some things, as you do, when you're a priest, I can tell you. But this.... Well, at the very least, you must read three Toni Morrisons, go and buy AND listen to OK Computer AND Kid A, and buy AND view the boxed set of Werner Herzog which is on Amazon for a reasonable price. And don't leave it another 23 years again." 
 "O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you, and I detest all my sins, because of Your just punishments, I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin." 
 "Out you go then, skedaddle." 
 Whew, that was awful. But it had to be done. Fancy mentioning Interview with the Vampire. I could have said something else, like Jack Kerouac, that's bad enough. Oh the shame. Well, he's probably heard worse. Oh well. Hmm, Radiohead can't be that bad, can they?