I like to keep stuff in my bra. 
 Not books or animals or shake weights, or anything. Mostly purse items, like coins or lemon candies, and the odd packet of wet wipes. Oh, and I keep electronics in there, too. 
 It's just so handy. Assuming your bra fits properly, you're probably going to have to limit your bounty to slim or small items, but still - better that than to have to wear clothes with pockets. When I'm working out, why would I want to wear jeans or carry a bag when I can just as easily stuff all my essential crap into my underwear? Genius! 
 Today I took the dog for a walk, and it was so freaking hot outside that I (a) refused to take a sweater with pockets with me, and (b) refused to carry anything. So, with the above logic, I wore my sports bra and carried all manner of trinkets inside it: my keys, my phone, bags for poop collection, all strategically placed so that you couldn't actually see them through my shirt. 
 "Fantastic!" I cried, and left the house at a jog. 
 It was super-bright outside, so I put my sunglasses on before I left. I walked for perhaps an hour, and when I got back to my block I decided to take the plunge and walk the rest of the way without my sunglasses. Alfresco, kids! Let's do it! 
 Feeling totally empowered, I took off my sunglasses, and this stream of swear words just - I don't know! Just came from nowhere! Because the sun fucking blinded me, and the dog looked up at me like, "Girl, are you okay? You're...look, I hate to say it, but you're embarrassing me." 
 I told her to keep on going, feel the burn, and I tried to blink it out. But holy shit! As my eyes began to adjust, a kind of slow realization hit me: Scott Tracey is a genius. 
 I mean, really. The mythology in this book is just kick-ass. It takes something as everyday and mundane as light sensitivity and expands it into this - this network of demons and witches and town feuds and ice cream and offices and shit. Lots and lots of really awesome shit. 
 Why, then, am I giving this book two stars? 
 Because it's exactly like my bra. It somehow manages to contain way too many huge and confusing things. Witch Eyes is probably the first instance in which I've spent 80% of the book with no idea what the fuck is going on. There's a lot of going here, going there, some kissing, some yelling, some bitching, some screaming, some pain and then BAM! We're somewhere else, doing something else, and wait...what? 
 My theory is this: there are way too many red herrings in this book. It's a mystery, really, in which our protagonist Braden must figure out why the two most powerful families in this town are feuding, and subsequently stop the whole thing from going down. Now, it would seem that the first logical step would be to approach each side of the feud and ask, in a polite and unassuming voice, "Prithee, fair gentlemen and maiden, why dost thou feud?" 
 If you thought that, well, you'd be wrong. According to Braden, the most sensible thing to do in this situation is to make an absolute meal of sneaking around looking for information, never really tying anything together, and insulting everyone along the way. 
 I say "insulting everyone along the way" because in all honesty, Braden is just a horrible person. Well, okay. Maybe that was slightly harsh. When Braden is working alone, he's pretty much the patron saint of getting shit done. He takes everything seriously, thinks (I know! He thinks! What next?), comes to conclusions (confusing conclusions, but conclusions nonetheless) and he doesn't put up with anyone else's bullshit. But when he's working with other people, particularly people who want to help, he's just this rude, condescending judgmental little bum. Riley, for instance, is just a normal girl who tries to make Braden feel at home in his new school. While she's being fun and engaging in conversation with him, Braden does nothing but judge her. He judges what she's wearing, what she's saying, and generally treats her like crap. Jade, too. Jade is nothing but friendly to Braden, despite being on the opposite side of the feud, and yet in his head all he does is judge, judge, judge. 
 I really hated this side of him, and I hated that I hated it. Bear in mind what I said before: Braden is, on the whole, a capable and proactive protagonist. He occasionally leaves his brain in the top drawer of his nightstand, but who doesn't? It's for this reason that Braden's attitude to other people, other people who've only ever been friendly to him, really bothers to me. I want to love him. But I cannot. 
 This holier-than-thou attitude doesn't end at Riley and Jade, either. Candy, Lucien's totally uninvolved secretary is constantly bitched out by Braden. She does nothing to him, for him. Barely speaks to him. She and Braden have nothing to do with each other. Yet when Braden first sees her, he thinks this: 
 "Mr. Fallon will see you now," the supermodel behind the secretary's desk cooed. Fake hair, fake lips. Fake everything. I didn't believe that any parent would willingly name their daughter Candy. She was a Playboy Playmate dressed up as a secretary. This had to be some kind of joke. 
 Beyonce named her child Blue Ivy. Next to that, Candy is the new Sally. 
 Jokes aside, this is just grotesque. What the hell gives Braden the right to stand there and decide that since this woman has had cosmetic surgery, she is somehow stupid and inept at her job? "A Playboy Playmate dressed up as a secretary"? What the hell did this woman ever do to put Braden's nose out of joint? Nothing. She did nothing. That snippet was the product of nothing but Braden's condescending and self-important attitude. 
 Argh! 
 And it's not like this book is badly written. There are a couple of issues with punctuation and some gratuitous use of the word "badass" but on the whole, it's definitely readable. Enjoyable, even. If only that enjoyability extended to the romance! 
 I mean, really. Did we need another Twilight? No, we didn't. Trey is simply bland. I was more interested in Drew, but he turned out to be a jackass, so no go there. It's not like I thought Braden really deserved to be with anyone, because he's kind of an asshole, but the romance was really what interested me here. 
 Too bad it wasn't interesting! 
 There's no chemistry between Braden and Trey at all. Trey is just a very convenient and pretty piece of cardboard for Braden to run to, then run away from, then run to again. Wash, rinse and repeat. There was also little to no build-up to their relationship; it just happened, and then Trey ickily talks about his sister about three seconds after they finish kissing. What the fuck, Trey? Do not talk about family members while you are with a significant other, and aroused. It's supremely weird. I just...no. 
 This book is a giant meh for me, which is a shame. I was so, so disappointed when it went downhill for me; I absolutely love Scott Tracey's vlogs and blog. He's this hilarious and awesome person. But this BOOK. This BOOK, Scott Tracey! What are you doing, kitten? What are you doing? Why am I not crying with love for this book? Why isn't it fantastic? WHY? 
 I'm really sad right now. I'll read the next one because I am so hopelessly in love with the amazing mythology, but other than that - nothing. I'm actually thinking of re-reading this one just so I can take another stab at understanding what the hell it was all about. I cannot wrap my face around it. Did anybody else get it? Can they please explain to me what the heck the feud was all about? I could not understand it, and it's bugging me so much, because I think if I could only get the plotline, I'd probably be able to give it another star. 
 But I can't. 
 And...cut. 
 BONUS TIME! 
 Feel the burn.