"I was beginning to learn that your life is a story told about you, not one that you tell." 
 This book was really wonderful in a way I find quite difficult to describe. I have so many thoughts about it. I know I read it in a day, but it was a difficult book to read. A lot of things that made me pretty uncomfortable and agitated. It was worth it though, and Turtles All the Way Down is definitely John Green's best yet. 
 Unlike his other books, Turtles felt so much more genuine, more grounded in reality. Aza isn't some quirky and misunderstood teen, her issues aren't romanticized, and we see the realistic emotions and struggles she goes through. Sure, she has an eccentric car, and sure sometimes the dialogue is a bit too poetic to be real and every character seems loaded up with their random fun facts that are always handily relevant to the conversation, but hey. 
 In terms of the plot, it wasn't particularly memorable, but the whole thing was very character driven, so the overarching mystery was not the most important thing. Nevertheless it was still good and it was satisfying to see it through. 
 The characters were really great. The main three being Aza, Daisy and Davis. 
 Starting with Aza, I felt like I could really identify with most aspects of her personality and her worldview and her thoughts, but not as a whole entity. I really loved her, which I guess you would expect as you do spend the whole novel in her head. 
 I liked Davis too. He didn't annoy me, as most love interest types always do in this kind of book. He was still quirky and had that tragic poet vibe - but in like a cringy and self aware way. He felt much more like a person you would actually meet rather than a character written to be a love interest. It was refreshing. He was an astronomy nerd, and yes he said pretentious things about stars, but also he was just being a nerd, so it's forgivable. And his blog? I just thought it was kind of nice, and it's not the way he usually speaks, it's just how he is online. Again, he seems realistic. 
 Daisy was at first seeming to be the stereotype of 'that friend who is more pretty and popular than me but we've been best friends together and nothing can tear us apart' and she was that - but she did have slightly more substance than that, which made me like her a bit more. 
 I noticed while reading this, or at least I think I noticed, that there was a much larger focus on her relationship with Daisy than her relationship with Davis. I appreciated that a lot. Exploring the strain her illness puts on her and Daisy's friendship was kind of heartbreaking. It's interesting, you can see both sides of the problem there, and easily empathise with both of them, and also be angry at both of them for being unreasonable. Also, (view spoiler)[ the thing with the fanfiction. The way Aza realises how Daisy thinks about her. I can imagine exactly the hurt that would come from that, and it hurts my heart to read it or even think about it. And the way their argument all just comes to a head in the car. That was powerful. You can just imagine exactly what the energy of that conversation would be. And the quiet way Aza says about Daisy's cat and her sister and Daisy just talks through her and doesn't listen even though she's angry Aza doesn't listen. Like wow. Good job there. That was a really good part (hide spoiler)]. Possibly my favourite moment is between these two. (view spoiler)[ It's where they're together on top of that treatment plant, and there's nothing special about the view but it feels so magical and they 'go to the meadow' and just talk for ages. There's something really beautiful about that image for me. (hide spoiler)] 
 In conclusion I just really loved their relationship. 
 The main journey, though, was Aza's personal one. Aza's mental illness was a really central part of the novel, and it really showed how much it was controlling her life. Honestly I found moments about her spiraling thoughts and her panic quite uncomfortable and difficult to read ((view spoiler)[ Her argument with herself in the hospital was distressing, it made me incredibly stressed and anxious seeing how hard she battles with herself and loses. (hide spoiler)]) but I'm glad I did. Her experience felt so authentic and real which was pretty amazing to read - one of the most honest and truthful portrayals of mental illness I have read. 
 Other parts that were incredibly powerful and I struggled reading: 
 (view spoiler)[ - Her fear of C Diff. The way she reassures herself she won't get it but then there's always that tiny what if. That's just such an awful thing to never be fully at peace with yourself 
 - The finger and the band-aids. Especially as this gets mentioned throughout the story, so it's such an inescapable thing. Stuck in a loop of doing the same thing. 
 - Her freak-out after kissing Davis, and how she can't stop thinking about ti every time they're together 
 - The hand sanitizer. Now this was just so upsetting and sad and I don't know how to describe the way it made me feel. All I can say is it was the worst yet most memorable moment for me, and it's still making me sad now. 
 I don't really know why this affected me so much, but it really did. (hide spoiler)] 
 One thing I really did love about this book was, strangely, the philosophy of it. Usually I'm not particularly interested in any particular character's outlook on life, but for some reason I was here. Her ideas about being fictional are ones I know I have thought of, and I feel like we've all had the notion once that we might not be real. Also her whole predicament about trying to define who she was (my favourite quote: Am I only a set of circumstances?) just got so deep and thoughtful and I questioned myself a lot. The way she feels about her thoughts, and if she is in control of them, and if her thoughts define her - that was good too. She mentions times when she 'feels like she's watching a movie' of her life and I just really loved that image. I'm gonna get really deep here but there's a moment where she switches to second person because she just feels so detached from everything. That was clever. I liked that too. 
 I could just keep talking about this forever, but I think these are the highlights of my thoughts. To conclude, I thought Turtles was very thought provoking and philosophical in a way that wasn't pretentious, and it was so authentic in its portrayal of Aza's mental illness and her journey. For me it was an emotionally difficult yet incredibly worthwhile read.