My Reaction in a Nutshell: 
 Every now and then you read a book that just so happens to come along at just the right time. For me, this is that book. 
 The Long Version: 
 One day soon I will write a blog post about why this book entered my life at just the right time, but today is not that day. 
 If we lived in an ideal world, there would be no violence. There would be no school shootings or bullying. In an ideal world, everyone would be kind, understanding. However, we do not live in that world. 
 Where I live (and I'm purposely trying to keep it vague because You by Caroline Kepnes will forever keep me paranoid, but heck, based on what I say next it's probably not that hard to guess), school shootings aren't uncommon. That's not to say that they happen on the daily, but since 2012, a gun has been fired on a school campus nearly every week. 
 However, Hate List is not a book about a school shooting. 
 Let me be clear: Hate List is not about a school shooting in the same way that The Fault in Our Stars isn't about cancer or that Titanic isn't about a ship wreck. It's about loss, mourning, forgiveness, loneliness, remorse, and so much more. 
 I read this book cover to cover in a single day. I read the Author's Note and the Interview with the author. I read how Brown said: 
 "Funny thing, I'll bet if you asked ten readers what Hate List is about, they'd answer, 'It's about a school shooting.' But for me, Hate List was never a story about a school shooting. From day one, this was always Valerie's story." 
 I cried reading this book. Multiple times. And a part of it might just be how close to home this entire story was. 
 In Hate List, everyone has been effected by the shooting whether or not they were there. Whether or not they had a child who went to school there. 
 The first time I heard about this book was in 2012, shortly after a school shooting. I had wanted to read the book, but put it on the back-burner for other, happier books. Every few years I would think of this book again when another school or mass shooting occurred, but as soon as the media decided there was nothing left to report, then this book would slip from my thoughts once more. I thought of this book the first time I saw The Life Before Her Eyes (even though I haven't seen this movie since 2012, I still remember it being a thousand times better than the cheesy trailer), and then again when I watched season one of American Horror Story. Each time, as my memory of these events would fade, it wouldn't be until some other tradgey occurred, whether on a fictional TV series or on the news, that I would think to myself "Maybe I should read Hate List again." 
 But that being said, I think I finally read this book at the right time in my life. One where I could finally appreciate this book. 
 "See things for what they really are . . . See what's really there." 
 and 
 "People do it all the time--assume that they "know" what's going on in someone else's head. That's impossible. And to think it's possible is a mistake. A really big mistake. A life-ruining one if you're not careful." 
 were two quotes that really resonated with me. One thing I absolutely loved about this book was how no character, no matter how cruel, was shown without also examining the good. Val and Nick only had one story of the people on that list. A story where they were wronged. A story of bullying. But each bully also had a story, one of achievements and family and kindness. And each story is examined slowly, so as not to portray bullying or mass murder as good, to show that each person is made of of multiple stories. It's artfully done without romanticizing violence. 
 I was, am, will probably always be, heartbroken about Val. Everyone lost someone the day of that shooting, whether literally or figuratively (via PTSD, etc.). And while other's got to mourn, and direct their anger of events at a target, Val did not. Her boyfriend killed several people and wounded many more. And although Val loved him, she could not agree with his actions. How can she mourn for someone who killed multiple students and faculty? How can she mourn for someone who caused so much pain in other people's lives? How can she move on if she doesn't mourn? All of these questions and more are asked and answered slowly, tactfully, naturally, throughout this book. 
 I cried for Val. I cried for her family. I cried for the families of those whose children were loss. I cry for those whose lives will forever be changed by this single event. An event that began and ended within minutes. A true tragedy. 
 This book gets 4.5/5 stars from me. The .5 loss stems from the book at times reading like a novel, and other times sounding more like a diary. 
 I liked how the book s told in present day, flashbacks to before May 2, the events leading up to May 2, and the days that followed. 
 Now, my problems: (view spoiler)[ What happened with that Jeremy fellow who sounds like (from Val's perspective) to be the one who pushed Nick to commit murder? What happened to the whole Troy thing? Also, I have mixed feelings about Nick's name being on the memorial. On one hand, yes, he was a victim too. A victim of bullying. A victim of Jeremy. A victim of his own gun. But on the other hand, he inflicted so much hate back into the world. Honestly all I could think of was This Savage Song, and how hate breeds hate. I just, really doubt that people would be okay with the name of a murderer being included in a memorial of the people he killed. (hide spoiler)] 
 The thing about this list though, this "Hate List", is that it could have been started by anyone. Val and Nick included random, innocent things on there, like algebra homework and magazines, sandwiched in between names of people they felt had wronged them. It was something that started as pure "fun," a way to vent out their anger and frustration on paper, and somehow morphed slowly into something more sinister. 
 Like always, when I am left at a loss of what to say, I just point people to Emily May's review because somehow she is able to eloquently able to say what I want to, but in fewer words. 
 This is a book only to be read at the right time. It's not a novel that I want to scream READ IT NOW, but it's one where I want to tell people read this book when it is the right time for YOU, read it when you need to learn about loss, and forgiveness (of yourself, of others), and remorse, and mistakes, and about ultimately being human. 
 This book will stay with me for many years. 
 ****TRIGGER WARNINGS: depression, school shooting, self-harm, suicide, affair, divorce, brief thought by MC of R (but it is quickly dismissed, never expanded on, nor ever occurred), bullying, mention of possible eating disorder, mentions of drugs, psychiatric hospital stay, death, murder