I really don't know whether to give this book one star or two, so I'll err on the side of caution and give it a two. 
 "Fifty Shades" is "Twilight" for grown-ups, except that I don't really understand what that means because as far as I can tell the exact same people are obsessed with both. 
 Properly criticizing this book is hard for the simple reason that it's so popular anyone who doesn't like it will be accused of disliking it just because it is popular. The fact is that much like "Twilight" this book is just bad and unlike "Twilight" it can't even hide behind the excuse that it's supposed to be teenagers. 
 The sex is boring, the dialogue is boring, the characters are boring and if I ever see the words "Oh my" or "inner goddess" again I'll literally lose my mind. There is less repetition in "The House that Jack Built". 
 The weirdest part of this novel to me is the fact that it's entirely about sex and yet the sex scenes come across the way a teenaged virgin might imagine sex to be. Christian never lasts longer than about thirty seconds at a go, but he is able to have sex about ten times a day. And I don't even want to start talking about Ana's multiple-orgasms-on-steroids routine! 
 The most irritating thing about reading this book is Ana's inner dialogue. The only thoughts she has are: Oh my, Crap, Double crap, shit, Holy shit, Holy cow, Holy crap and whoa. The last one is especially hard to deal with. It's like reading the diary of a young Keanu Reeves after a while. 
 Lastly, I have never read a book about BDSM with so little BDSM in it. What is the point of this book supposed to even be?