WOAH WOAH WOAH YAAAAAAAAAAAAS ! I DID IT ! I read ASOIAF (as it is released as of right now). Very proud of myself! 
 NOW ONTO WATCHING ALL THOSE FAN THEORIES WHICH I STAYED AWAY FROM BECAUSE THEY ARE FULL OF SPOILERS. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 
 ---- 5 months later 
 I'm finally making myself write reviews (or rather plot summaries with a little commentary of my own) for these books because we will have to wait many a year for "Winds of Winter" as it seems and I'm scared that I'll forget half the important things and all of the minor hints. So let's do this. As always, I wrote this with the help of the ASOIAF Wiki and used the same structure, because otherwise this wouldn't be coherent. 
 General thoughts/ Feelings 
 Overall I really liked this book. It was no surprise to me that I didn't enjoy it as much as A Feast For Crows because characters who aren't my favorite got all of the POVs in this and I missed me some Jamie, Brienne and The Hound. I am just not the biggest fan of Daenerys anymore because she just doesn't get shit done and her strategic choices are lost on me most of the time. Tyrion was extremely unlikeable in this one and the way he raped the prostitutes just wasn't OK and also seemed out of character for him? Jon is my Little Baby but I have to admit that I only started to fully appreciate him AFTER finishing this book (because I watched so many cool theories about his fate and Kit is just one sexy motherfucker and whenever I watch GoT Videos and he's in it, I squeal :D sorry not sorry). 
 My main issue with this installment was that there were just too damn many POVs. It was much harder to keep track of the frame story for each character. A lot of new and important characters were introduced (I'm all game for the Blackfyre theory, hells yeah) and I can't wait to see how their fates get interwoven with the fate of our original characters. 
 (view spoiler)[!!!!!! SO NOW ONTO SPOILERS !!!!!! BEWARE !!!!!! 
 SO A Dance with Dragons picks up right after the events of A Storm of Swords. Tyrion managed to flee to Pentos after being accused of murdering Joffrey. Daenerys is in Meereen and has to deal with the slave situation there. Jon was named Lord Commander of the Knight's Watch. The war of the Five Kings is coming to a close and Stannis has installed himself on the Wall, his main concern are the Ironborn. 
 In the North 
 Jon struggles with the undertaking of gaining the trust of the Wildlings. He is afraid that every Wildling who stays beyond the Wall can be turned into a Wight by the Others. By forming alliances with the Wildlings Jon loses the support of many of his sworn Brothers who are still weary of them. 
 Melisandre burns Rattleshirt (disguised as Mance Rayder, so that the actual Mance can live on). She tells Jon that she sees a young girl on her way to him. She interprets this girl to be Arya Stark. The girl turns out to be Alys Karstark. 
 After successfully taking Deepwood Motte with the alliance of the hill folk he moves up to Winterfell to face off with Ramsay Bolton. Word from Ramsay himself reaches Jon that Stannis has fallen and Jon has to come himself. The slaying of Stannis is not confirmed on-screen so he may still be alive. 
 After shepherding a huge host of Wildlings through the Wall he gets stabbed by his sworn brothers. His fate remains unclear BUT I am 100% sure that Melisandre will resurrect him in the next book because if not I AM GOING TO FUCKING RIOT. I need Jon to avenge the Red Wedding (like he did in season 6 of the show)!!!!!! 
 Davos has been sent to treat with Lord Manderly in hopes of bringing him to Stannis' cause. He finds Manderly's court infested with Freys, who claim that Manderly's son (Wylis) was slain by Robb Stark at the Red Wedding, therefore Manderly yields to their insistence that Davos be imprisoned. Davos is eventually freed by Lord Glover, who is secretly plotting the Frey's downfall. Davos is commissioned to retrieve Rickon Stark from the island of Skagos; should he succeed, House Manderly and its vassals will join Stannis' cause. This was honestly the most interesting plot line, I love Davos so much and I can't wait to see if Rickon has become King of Unicorns on Skagos. ;) 
 Asha Greyjoy, after her loss at the kingsmoot, fled the Iron Island, and is captured after Stannis' assault on Deepwood Motte. Meanwhile, Reek - Theon - is released by Ramsay to convince the ironborn-held Moat Cailin to surrender, thus allowing Lord Roose Bolton etc. to return home. With them comes Ramsay's new bride, a girl calling herself "Arya Stark". Theon recognizes her as Jeyne Poole. The bard Abel and his washerwomen take some interest in Theon: unknown to him, these are Mance Rayder and his spearwives in disguise. Together they smuggle Jeyne out of the castle, eventually reaching Stannis' host. 
 Across the Narrow Sea 
 Daenerys rule of Meeren is disrupted by a guerilla resistance called the Sons of the Harpy, they slaughter her man whenever they can. Additionally, she has no idea how to tame her dragons, who start eating children. Quaithe of the Shadow warns her of the others descending on her: "Soon comes the pale mare, and after her the others. Kraken and dark flame, lion and griffin, the sun's son and the mummer's dragon." 
 The lion, Tyrion Lannister, lately fled the Seven Kingdoms (after being accused of kinslaying), is smuggled to Pentos with the help of Varys and left in the care of Illyrio Mopatis. Tyrion decides to offer his services to Dany and makes his way to her in the company of a tall taciturn knight, Griff and his son Young Griff. Tyrion soon deduces that the boy is actually Aegon fucking Targaryen, who was rescued by Varys after the slaying of his father Rhaegar (BAE <3) and his mother Elia of Dorne. Griff turns out to be Lord Connington of Griffin's Roost. 
 Tyrion is waylaid by Penny, and then captured by Ser Jorah, who needs him to win back Dany's favor. Unfortunately, the three of them get captured by slavers and are sold at markets in Meereen. From there, Tyrion sneaks his way to the camp of the Second Sons, led by Brown Ben Plumm, and pledges his sword to them as another step in getting closer to Dany. 
 The kraken, Victarion Greyjoy, sails his forces east towards Meereen as well. He is in possession of Euron's dragon-binding horn (OH NOOO!). Through the red priest Moqorro, he starts to believe in R'hllor. Victarion's men call the priest "Black Flame" bc "Moqorro" is too difficult for them to pronounce. 
 Prince Quentyn Martell is travelling east as well with the order of marrying Dany. Alas, he arrives too late, finding Dany about to enter into a political marriage. In a last attempt to prove his worth, he visits Dany's two dragons - Viserion and Rhaegal (Drogon has already taken off) - and is burned by their flames. He dead. 
 Connington and Aegon never arrive at Meeren. Aegon listened to Tyrion's counsel, so instead of wooing Dany, he wants to attack Westeros now to make way for her (which is much smarter). He knows that he must have something worthwhile to offer if Dany (his aunt btw) is to accept his hand. Their main target is Storm's End. 
 Unlike the symbolism of Quaithe's other references, the "pale mare" is a literal horse, carrying a refugee from Astapor. Thus the plague is brought to Meereen, killing thousands of people, it kills her own people as well as her enemies - the Yunkish slaves and sellsword companies. On the advice of her counsellors, Dany agrees to marry Hizdahr zo Loraq, who promises her to pacify the Sons of the Harpy and appease her enemies in Yunkai, Qarth and Volantis. However, she is fucking around with Daario Naharis the whole time. ;) 
 She is able to look up Viserion and Rhaegal, but Drogon escapes into the wild. As part of her wedding feast, Dany allows the fighting pits of Meeren to reopen (slave-gladiator games). Drogon, attracted by the noise and chaos, comes back, Dany leaps onto his back and the two fly away, leaving Meeren largely in the hands of Ser Barristan Selmy (<3). Ser Barristan becomes convinced that Hizdahr was trying to poison Dany and is able to organize a coup. However, his attempts to re-broker a peace fail, and the war begins in earnest. 
 The novel ends with Dany making her way on foot to Meeren, and then encountering the khalasar of Khal Jhaqo. 
 Assorted Others 
 Arya is still a trainee in the House of Black and White, a blind one for that matter. It is revealed that the potion she is given every evening is the reason for her blindness, if she refuses to take it, her training will end. After passing the blind portion of her regiment and successfully orchestrating the assassination of a hated insurance agent, she is officially advanced in her training. 
 Jamie (BAE #2) travels to Raventree Hall (seat of Tytos Balckwood), where Jonos Bracken commands a siege. Blackwood is the final bannerman of Robb Stark, but eventually yields. That night, Brienne arrives at Jamie's campsite, claiming to have found one of the Stark girls. This is a falsehood - her motivation in this lie had yet to be explained. Taking into consideration the events of "A Feast for Crows" she is probably leading him to Lady Stoneheart. 
 Prince Doran of Dorne decides to deny Cersei's request that his own son Trystane shall return to King's Landing with Myrcella (bc it is an ambush that would lead to Trystane's death). 
 Meanwhile, Cersei continues her captivity at the Great Sept of Baelor. Eventually, she confesses the charges of fornication and incest with Lancel, though not to adultery nor the slaying of King Robert. This gains her the right to receive visitors, thus Ser Kevan Lannister is able to reveal to her the news about Myrcella's injury and the death of Ser Arys Oakheart of the King's Guard. This allows Cersei to replace him with Ser Robert Strong (probably the resurrected Mountain), giving her a chance to win a trial by combat. She is released to the Red Keep (to spend some time with Tommen) before her trial ... but she must take upon herself the Walk of Shame. 
 The epilogue closes with Kevan's viewpoint: He receives a white raven from the Citadel at Oldtown, making it clear that, finally, Winter is here. He is called to Grand Maester Pycelle's quarters, only to find him dead, and be assassinated himself by Varys for "threatening to undo all the queen's good work to reconcile Highgarden and Casterly Rock". Varys' true intention is to open the way for Aegon to assume the throne. 
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