Then his lips pressed against mine. He clasped my hands. I strengthened my grip around his, and for that moment everything else ceased to matter. All that mattered was Les--the way his beard scraped my skin and how his lips tightened in a smile against mine until he laughed and pulled away. 
 "This has been an excellent jailbreak." 
 I mean, I should have seen this coming. No good can come of a book in which the word "heart" and "assassin" is used together in the title. Still, I was curious enough to try this book out, and you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat, etc, etc. 
 I'm pretty sure you guys know where my review is going. We have an assassin! A murderer! The blurb promises us death, revenge! All that good stuff. YEAH! So I open the book and flip to page 2. 
 Val leaned closer to me, his thigh pressed against mine. A moment later his hand followed, fingers resting on the leather-clad skin of my leg. And though I couldn't feel the circles his fingers traced, I still shivered beneath his touch. 
 I pulled away, every bit of me protesting. 
 "I'm working," I whispered, but it sounded weak even to me. "And someone could see us." That sounded even weaker. Our relationship was a secret, and the thrill of keeping ourselves hidden was half the fun. 
 Right off the bat, we got us a motherfucking romance, y'all. 
 So "assassin" Lea (short for Oleander). Is in a Romeo-and-Juliet type of forbidden lurve with a boy from a rival family. They were not meant to be *sigh*. But the thrill of it is undeniable, and the object of her affection, Val is such a charmer, such a catch! 
 I used to think Val was vain and spoiled and self-indulgent. Now...now I felt the same way, but there was something to be said for capturing a vain man's gaze. 
 You know, usually when you fall for someone, you discover the good qualities in them instead of falling for all their bad qualities. Girl, you stupid. 
 But then one night soon after their tryst, she wakes up to find a full-blown attack on her family that leaves them all dead, by the hands of lover boy's family. NOOOOOOOOOOO! There is only one solution in this kind of situation. 
 What would I do? The only thing I could do. 
 Kill everyone responsible. 
 Bravo. BRAVO! And that's exactly what she does, she uses her competency and skills and so on and so forth to kill and avenge her family. 
 *bursts out laughing* Of course not, are you kidding? She proves herself incompetent time after time and is constantly having her ass bailed out by someone else while making mooney eyes at a guy. 
 I do not expect perfection in my heroines, I do, however, expect them to not be bumbling fucking idiots. Let me list you some of the occasions in which our "assassin" fucks up royally. 
 - "Poison." I gasped at the pain blazing across my skin and through my flesh. "I've been poisoned." 
 - Seventeen years in Lovero and never once had anyone seen my face unless I'd wanted them to. And now, after only a short time in Yvain, some faker had seen me. My parents would've been ashamed. 
 - The tip of a knife pricked against my throat and I froze. I turned my head, but the pressure increased and I stopped. 
 "Come out slowly," a voice said from the other side of the doorway. 
 I'd lost my advantage. 
 - He glared and hooked my ankle with his foot, a move I knew only too well. A wolfish grin spread across his face. 
 "Wait!" I shouted. 
 He yanked and I fell, plunging into the dark waves of the canal. 
 - I dropped my hand to my sword. 
 Gone. 
 I closed my eyes. I'd left it on the roof when we were knife throwing. 
 Les tensed beside me. He realized the same thing. All I had was a single stiletto in my boot. 
 Sloppy. So sloppy. 
 Uh yeah, how about no? Girl, you ain't no assassin, you're an incompetent moron.