FULL REVIEW NOW POSTED: 
 "Naming your blade is the sort of faff reserved for heroes, girl. Men who have songs sung about them, histories spun for them, brats named after them. It's the shadow road for you and me. And you dance it right, no one will ever know your name, let alone the pig-sticker in your belt. 
 You'll be a rumor. A whisper. The thought that wakes the bastards of this world sweating in the nevernight. The last thing you will ever be in this world, girl, is someone's hero." 
 Mercurio handed back the blade. 
 "But you will be a girl heroes fear." 
 O, my dear gentlefriends of goodreads, let me tell you that I didn't know what the fuck I was getting into when I started this book. It's easily one of the top five books I've read this year--yes, I'm ranking it up there with Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom, Strange the Dreamer, and A Conjuring of Light. It's really that fucking good, guys. I've been in a weird on-off kind of slump for the last month or two, and this was everything I needed and more to pull me right out. 
 What is Nevernight about, you ask? It's a story of murder, corruption, and morally gray characters with snarky animal companions. It's about a girl so hell-bent on revenge that she's willing to sharpen herself into one of the deadliest weapons in the world--a Blade of the Red Church. 
 Mia Corvere is brilliant, tough, and ruthless. I feel like those are words that are often thrown around to describe the protagonist of a fantasy series, but in this case THEY'RE COMPLETELY FUCKING ACCURATE. Mia was ten years old when she watched the Itreyan government execute her father for treason, and her life since has been wholly devoted to vengeance. Everything about her gives off major Arya Stark vibes--so naturally, I loved her from page one. She swears and fights and fucks and is overall one of the most fantastically-developed and morally dark heroines I've read about in a while (although there aren't really any traditional heroic figures to be found in this dark and bloody book). 
 Please enjoy the following illustration of the brilliant wit of Mia Corvere: 
 "Cock is just another word for 'fool.' But you call someone a cunt, well..." The girl smiled. "You're implying a sense of malice there. An intent. Malevolent and self-aware. Don't think I name Consul Scaeva a cunt to gift him insult. Cunts have brains, Don Tric. Cunts have teeth. Someone calls you a cunt, you take it as a compliment. As a sign that folks believe you're not to be lightly fucked with." 
 Iconic. Legendary. Mia is here for NONE of your shit. 
 I could genuinely go on about the bundle of gloriously vicious perfection that is Mia for hours, perhaps even days......but no worries, gentlefriends, I'll move on to the rest of the fantastic shit that makes up this story: 
 The narration is so incredibly unique. I've truly never read anything else like it. The only book I can even think to compare this to is The Book Thief--VERY DIFFERENT OVERALL, but it has a similarly ominous, omniscient tone, conversational but detached narrator, and creative metaphor/language use in general. Nevernight is also EXTREMELY snarky and uses quite a lot of profanity in case you couldn't tell from the number of times the previous quote said "cunt". (I thought it worked amazingly well in the story, but I get that it won't be for everyone.) While we're on the subject of the writing, though.... 
 The footnotes. Footnotes in works of fiction are lowkey one of my literary fetishes, and these ones in particular are fan-fucking-tastic. They're a mix of snarky commentary, interesting tidbits of worldbuilding, and eerie/dramatic foreshadowing that added so much to Kristoff's already-unique writing style. 
 The training school for assassins. I love a good special school trope when it's done well, and man was this one hell of a unique take on it. My buddy read partner described this as "hogwarts for murderers that also teaches sex ed" and I don't think I can really come up with anything that sums this up better? It's a story about a bunch of young would-be assassins going through intensive training in combat, poisoning, thievery, and seduction......so you can imagine some pretty crazy shit goes down. 
 Mia's powers. An invisibility cloak that's made out of literal shadows that Mia can form around herself whenever she wants?? Harry Potter has nothing on this girl. A pet that spies for her and literally drains her fear out of her??? I want one. Speaking of which...... 
 Animal companions!!! Let's be honest. Everyone wants a cool animal companion. I personally would like a puppy-sized dragon or dinosaur. (@ scientists w/ those Jurassic Park skills my birthday is in January so pls mark your calendars.) Nevernight has possibly the best human/animal companion duo that I've ever read about. I know that's kind of a crazy claim to make, but I fucking mean it. Who doesn't want a fear-absorbing cat made out of shadows who comes through with bitterly sarcastic and witty lines to punctuate every situation?????? I think I've finally found a character (does a shadow count as a character??) who can match my dangerously high level of salinity, so I'm gonna have to start talking to strangely-shaped shadows now until I manage to find a Mister Kindly of my own. 
 Bisexual rep. Any queer main characters in sci-fi and fantasy are still so rare, and I was so excited to discover that this series is centered around a bi main character! Mia's sexuality was present without being overemphasized or reduced to tropes and stereotypes so YEET!!!!! 
 This is one of those rare books that leave me so in awe that I can't even think of a single complaint. (Which, when you think about how much I LOVE to complain, makes this pretty fucking rare.) The characters were incredible. The world was fascinating. The writing was original. The plotting was perfectly paced and so twisty that I was stressed enough to keep reading very late into the night despite the fact that I had work early the next morning. (I promise, this is a good thing.) 
 In case you couldn't tell: I. Loved. Every. Second. Of. This. 
 Anyway.........please enjoy this gif of me trying to run away from all the feelings i had after finishing this book: 
 All I wanted to do at that point was go lie down for approximately four to five days and wallow in book feelings but someone (see below) was waiting for me to start Godsgrave so I just jumped right into even more heartbreak and stress. (In case you're wondering, the sequel is just as brilliant and brutal. :') ) 
 Please go read this book now so that you too can experience this level of awe and emotional devastation!!!!!!! 
 p.s. if I haven't convinced you yet, here's a few of my favorite (non-spoilery) quotes! 
 "Never flinch," she breathed. "Never fear." 
 The girl felt the words in her chest. In the deepest, darkest place, where the hope children breathe and adults mourn withered and fell away, like ashes floating on the wind. 
 "We are killers, you and I," he said. "Killers one, killers all. And each death we bring is a prayer. An offering to Our Lady of Blessed Murder. Death as a mercy. Death as a warning. Death as an end unto itself. All of these, ours to know and gift unto the world. The wolf does not pity the lamb. The storm begs no forgiveness of the drowned." 
 "Apologies," Mia frowned, searching the floor as if looking for something. "I appear to have misplaced the fucks I give for what you think..." 
 "Listen, girl," Aelius sniffed. "The books we love, they love us back. And just as we mark our places in the pages, those pages leave their marks on us. I can see it in you, sure as I see it in me. You're a daughter of words. A girl with a story to tell." 
 "They don't tell stories about Red Church disciples, Chronicler," Mia said. "No songs sung for us. No ballads or poems. People live and die in the shadows, here." 
 "Well, maybe here's not where you're supposed to be." 
 "...bravo..." Mister Kindly said, "...if only I had hands to applaud..." 
 Mia smacked her backside. "I'd settle for lips to kiss my sweet behind." 
 "...I would have to find it first..." 
 "Arses are like fine wine, Mister Kindly. Better too little than too much." 
 " ...a beauty and a philosopher. be still my beating heart..." The not-cat looked down at its translucent chest "...o, wait..." 
 Look now upon the ruins in her wake. As pale light glitters on the waters that drank a city of bridges and bones. As the ashes of the Republic dance in the dark above your head. Stare mute at the broken sky and taste the iron on your tongue and listen as lonely winds whisper her name as if they knew her too. 
 This review was also posted on my blog. 
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 apparently this is now a br with my dragon son and fake br with my side chick 
 someone has sent me 4721893 messages about this book in the last three hours and it sounds cool as shit so it's pretty much shot up to the top of my tbr now