I....I....it was free on Netgalley. I'm behind on my reading goal and it took like 2 hours to read. I have no shame. 
 I have some shame. I mean, look at that fucking cover. I'm going to have to post my reading goal at the end of the year and PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SEE THAT. 
 I'm going to just shelve this one as general wish fulfillment. Like Disney-esque levels, because the minute you look deeper into the sexual politics going on here just- 
 shh, shh, shh. Just ignore it. Because reality is terrible and there is a big dumb disclaimer that basically says "consent is a thing, but you know how there's fiction? This is fiction. Ya'll can read about dragons, I can write about a universe where this kind of stuff is okay." 
 And I...didn't hate it. Yes the excuse was big and dumb and this book was DEFINITELY both Big and Dumb. But it was... I've read a lot of bad smut, okay? But this bad smut was actually pretty hot. When you shut down every ounce of thought you try to put into it. 
 So yeah. If you go into with a fine-toothed comb and want to hate it, you will have many things to hate. You've got your Christian Grey, ANOTHER douchey and inconsistently written love interest, and female protagonist who cries every five pages, relationships that run laps around the term "abusive". 
 But this should not require thought. It's not meant to. No one is trying to pass off "Deep Throat" as cinema. Why am I reviewing this as a book? Because Netgalley asked me to and I need page numbers to go towards this year. Otherwise this can not even be asked to consider itself a book. This does not exist as literature. I wouldn't shelve this a book. It is pure porn. I'm actually more offended by porn trying to be books than books trying to be porn. 
 And then I get so proud of my eloquent deconstruction of erotica and realize my mom follows me on this website.