So there's this popular girl. Her name is, like, Gia. She's 17 but has this totally hot junior boyfriend at UCLA whom nobody has seen (statutory rape is so, like, 2000s, which, incidentally, is practically the year in which Gia was born). She got Hot Bradley to take her to prom, only, like, at the last minute (literally IN THE PARKING LOT, Y'ALL) he dumps her. 
 Why? Because she's a shallow bitch and only cared that Hot Bradley was, like, totally hot, and her friends are gonna be, like, SO IMPRESSED. Especially that bitch, Jules, who's like, trying to totally steal away ALL HER FRIENDS. Because Gia is the Alpha of their group and we can't have that. No, really. She's the Alpha, and that status is endangered. 
 Nice friends you got there." 
 "They're mostly nice. Jules is just constantly trying to oust me." 
 "Why?" 
 "I have no idea. I think she thinks I'm the alpha of our pack and that there is only room for one without resorting to cannibalism." 
 But she's not such a bad queen bee, really, Gia and her friends only: 
 1. Completely disregard anyone beneath her social spectrum 
 "Hi. I'm sorry. I don't know your name." 
 He shrugged. "I've only been in four of your classes over the last three years. Why would you?" 
 My cheeks reddened. Had he really? I looked at him again, closer. He honestly didn't look at all familiar to me, except from prom the other night. 
 2. Slightly teases her close friends who aren't up to her standards. She never bullies. That's, like, so low-class. 
 "Who needs money and good grades when you have community college?" Claire said. 
 "Exactly what I've been saying for the last four years," Laney said. I could hear the embarrassment in her voice and I felt bad that school had been a struggle for her. 
 Such condescension! Such benevolence! Such pity! She is the equivalent of Lady Catherine in Pride and Prejudice! 
 So, after suffering from THE MOST HORRIBLE FATE POSSIBLE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (on prom night), Gia is shit out of luck. But luckily for her, there's a totally hot guy just sitting in his car, ripe for the plucking. And pluck she does. She sweet-talks Fake Bradley into being, well, Fake Bradley, and taking her to prom instead. 
 He takes her to prom. Her friends are understandably impressed, because really, which high school girl is going to think about statutory rape when the guy is, like, SO HOT. Except the girl who's trying to steal her friends, cause she's all, like, smirking and scowling that her plans to TAKE ALL THE FRIENDS have gone to pieces. 
 For now. *sinister smile* 
 I wrapped my arms around Claire and glanced at Jules. Surprisingly, she wasn't looking at me. Her stare was focused on the door that fill-in Bradley had just exited through. There was that familiar calculating look on her face, and I wondered what was going through her mind. I was sure of one thing--it wasn't good. 
 So prom night goes swimmingly, and she even gets to conveniently break up with Fake Bradley at the end of it, which is great, except now, for some reason, Gia is really, really fascinated by Fake Bradley. If only she could find out Fake Bradley's real name. And then Real Bradley resurfaces, and maybe he wants to make up again? 
 Oh, gosh, what's a girl to do? Clearly, Gia has some #realproblems. And her archnemesis Jules is trying to expose everything via Facebook, and Twitter, and Instagram. 
 She pulled out her phone. "Oh, and while I'm online, I wanted to leave mean messages on Bradley's Facebook page for what he did to you. What's his last name again?" 
 Here it was--her play. I was surprised she had waited this long. "He isn't on Facebook. Who goes on Facebook anymore anyway?" He actually was on Facebook, but there was no way I was telling her that. 
 "So Instagram? Twitter? You showed me them before but I don't remember his handle," she pushed. 
 Obviously she forgot Tinder, and maybe Grindr. Possibly Pinterest and Yo, too. Gotta cover all the bases, y'know. 
 But let's not get facetious. Gia's got some serious problems. 
 I mean, she has to: 
 1. Find Fake Bradley 
 2. Get Fake Bradley's sister (who goes to the same school with her, whom she didn't know went to the same school, much less class with her, see note above about Gia not giving a shit about anyone outside of her hallowed social circle) to give her Fake Brad's real name 
 3. Decide what to do about Real Bradley 
 "How is Bradley anyway?" He gave me a sideways glance. 
 "I don't know. I haven't talked to him since that night." I'd been telling too many lies lately, so I felt the need to add, "He texted me. I tried to call him back and he didn't answer. Then he called me back but I missed it. Then I left a message for him. I haven't decided if I'm going to call him again." 
 4. Try to prevent Jules from knocking her off the #1 queen bee (sorry, Alpha) in her circle of friends 
 5. Decide what to do what Real Bradley and Fake Bradley meet each other 
 Her family only looks perfect. Her dad is understanding, caring. Her mother is beautiful, intelligent. Her brother is a little distant. She's got some serious problems. 
 "What about you? Are you close with your family?" 
 "Yes," I said right away, but then I paused, Drew's words about how my parents hadn't really been there for me after I broke up with Bradley coming into my mind. I shook my head to get rid of the thought and then nodded. "Yes." 
 There is so much suffering. So much hardship. I can think of a thousand examples from the book in which her family is distant, cruel, uncaring. Oh, wait, I can't. They're pretty much white-bread perfect. 
 Clearly, you can see this book contains as much depth as is contained within Kim Kardashian's ample cleavage. 
 Actually, now that I think about it, that's pretty deep, yo.