Mullally and Offerman, an incredibly hilarious couple who have been married since 2003 and recently co-authored “The Greatest Love Story Ever Told: An Oral History,” led the women through a storytelling exercise during which they told stories about their own “first” experiences. We saw Hannah G., the content creator, struggling to create content. But for the most part, this was actually one of the better challenges we’ve seen in recent seasons — what should be the women’s most scripted moments turn out more authentically natural than expected.<doc-sep>After a slog of a premiere, The Bachelor got back to the basics for episode 2. No live viewing parties. No former contestants. No tributes to Chris Harrisons. A lot went down in Week 2. A new villain emerged, conversations were interrupted and Colton kissed a lot of women. But before we get into all of that, let’s recap our bachelor’s night… Grading Colton’s performance First we get a self-shot message from Colton, who, of course, has no shirt on. He’s still in bed, but his beard is perfectly trimmed and I’m pretty sure he’s wearing foundation. Either that or the dude has perfect skin — a possibility I’m certainly not ruling out. Colton tells us the plan for the first group date: He’s taking the group to a theater, where the lucky women will tell a story about “our first,” which isn’t vague at all. Colton is excited, and, frankly, that’s all that matters. The next time we see our bachelor, he’s at the theater, where celebrity couple Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally are waiting. We’re not even two episodes in and Colton has Becca beat in the “celebrity guest” department. Last season’s guests included Wayne Newton, Lil’ Jon and the Baha Men. Ron Swanson’s got them all beat. At the 13:25 mark of the episode, we get our first mention of Colton’s virginity. Honestly, that’s 13:20 later than I thought we’d get it. Colton is telling the story of the first time he told his teammates he was a virgin… “So for most of my adult life, I had a secret: I was a virgin. And as an athlete, I thought I had to fit this mold. I made up lies, and I was uncomfortable speaking my truth. One day I get to the locker room, and a veteran asks me. He says, ‘How many girls have you slept with?’ So I sat there sweating. What’s a good lie? Is it one? Four? Ten? A hundred? What am I gonna do? It finally came out of my mouth and I said, ‘zero.’ And I didn’t know what the reaction was gonna be and I was expecting to get ridiculed. And the first thing that I heard was, ‘wow, man, that’s really cool.’.” Colton brought the house down, though I feel like we’re at the point where Colton could just say anything and this group of women will applaud him. I’m like 95% sure an Austin Powers impression would have drawn a similar reaction. Afterward, Colton kisses just about everyone on the group date. OK, so it was only Demi, Elyse and Hannah G., but it felt like he was kissing everyone. After a few heartfelt conversations, he awards the group date rose to Elyse because she showed him “a different side” of herself during the date, which is a curious thing to say about someone he’s had exactly one conversation with prior to the date. Literally any side she showed him would have been a different side of her. Whatever. The next time we see Colton, it’s time for his first solo date, which will be with Hannah B. Expectations are high… “This is the first one-on-one of my journey,” Colton says. “I want it to be great. I don’t want it to be good. I want it to be great.” I’m sad to report that the date was not great. It wasn’t even good. Things started off well enough before Colton came up with the idea to do a toast, which Hannah B. did not seem excited about. After struggling to come up with anything interesting to say, she went with “Roll Tide.” Honestly, it wasn’t a bad save. It got a laugh out of Colton. Colton tried his best to make Hannah comfortable, but it wasn’t happening. I’m thinking he should pop his shirt off. You know, just to ease the tension Here’s what he says instead… “I just want you to be comfortable in who you are and be real. At the end of the day, I’m here focused on finding somebody I’m going to spend the rest of my life with and somebody willing to go the distance, so I just want you to know that.” Now, I’m not a relationship expert by any means, but I feel like when the person you’re on a date with is feeling a little uncomfortable, you don’t start talking about spending the rest of your lives together. It’s a bit weird. Here’s how Hannah responded to that… “Yeah. Well … good.” Welp. Should’ve just taken his shirt off. “Do you wanna get in the hot tub?” Colton asks. That’s our boy. The hot tub does not solve a thing. Hannah is still an awkward mess and interrupts Colton mid-sentence to pick an eyelash from his face. She asks him to make a wish on the stray lash. If he’s thinking like I’m thinking, he’s wishing for this date to end It doesn’t and Colton points out that Hannah seems uncomfortable. She denies it while looking super uncomfortable, and it’s at this point where Colton probably realizes he made a huge mistake taking her on the first solo date. After a commercial break, we find out that there’s a nightcap to this never-ending date. Colton says if Hannah doesn’t open up, she’s going home. So what does Hannah do? She asks him why he’s a virgin, of course. Now we’re forced to listen to Colton explain (for the millionth time) that he was too focused on football instead of his own personal life — or whatever. Hannah deserves to go home just for bringing this up again. He should have kept the sloth. Hannah explains how she was also planning on waiting to get married before losing her virginity but it didn’t. Apparently, that was enough to get Colton back on the Hannah B. bandwagon. She gets a rose. Maybe bringing up the virginity thing wasn’t a bad strategy, after all. It’s time for the second group date, so we cut to Colton chopping wood for no reason in particular. We’ve got a summer camp thing going on and we find out the group will be split into two teams that will compete for the right to stay at the camp overnight. The losing team goes home. Not HOME home. But back to the mansion. The Bachelor pad, if you will. Comedian Billy Eichner is the special guest. Why he’s slumming it on The Bachelor is anyone’s guess, but he deconstructs the entire premise of the show with one throwaway line: “I’m glad you waited to have sex until you found someone who could successfully do a three-legged race,” he tells Colton. The red team wins the competition, and thank god for that because I don’t recognize any of the women on the yellow team. We cut to night time and Colton spends some one-on-one time with a handful of lucky ladies. The conversation is pretty boring, to be honest, but Colton gets a couple kisses off. He kisses Katie after the two bond over being competitive. He kisses Caelynn after they bond over visiting children’s hospitals. And then he holds hands with Heather after they bond over being virgins. (At this point, I’m pretty sure I could get Colton to try to kiss me if given some one-on-one time. Just bring up his virginity, visiting kids or being really mature for your age, and he’s ready to go. Every conversation this season has been centered around one of those topics.) At the end of the night, Heather gets the group date rose for being open with Colton. Her reward: She gets to sleep on an uncomfortable cot like the rest of the girls. Congrats. After another commercial break, we get a 15-second shot of Colton taking a shower. No words are spoken. It’s just Colton showering and then we cut back to the mansion where the women are preparing for the cocktail party/rose ceremony. I feel dirty having watched that. Tune in tonight to see me shower…probably — Colton Underwood (@colton) January 14, 2019 After some cocktail party drama (more on that later) Colton hands out his roses. There are no surprises.<doc-sep>THE BACHELOR - "Episode 2301" - What does a pageant star who calls herself the "hot-mess express," a confident Nigerian beauty with a loud-and-proud personality,; a deceptively bubbly spitfire who is hiding a dark family secret, a California beach blonde who has a secret that ironically may make her the BachelorÕs perfect match, and a lovable phlebotomist all have in common? TheyÕre all on the hunt for love with Colton Underwood when the 23rd edition of ABCÕs hit romance reality series "The Bachelor" premieres with a live, three-hour special on MONDAY, JAN. 7 (8:00-11:00 p.m. EST), on The ABC Television Network. (ABC/Rick Rowell) SYDNEY, BRIANNA, ERIN, COLTON UNDERWOOD, HANNAH G., DEMI, ALEX D., KIRPA, LAURA, ANGELIQUE, COURTNEY, CATHERINE The Bachelor continues with Colton taking his dates to Camp Bachelor. Here’s how to watch The Bachelor season 23, episode 2 live, on TV and online. The Bachelor goes camping this week, so find out how to watch The Bachelor online or live this week, as the ABC series is just getting started with its shenanigans. Monday’s episode features plenty of awkward situations for the contestants. First, they have to get up on a stage in Hollywood and tell stories about their first time—which sounds like way too much information to share on national TV, unless they’re talking about their first time going to a Red Lobster or something. After that, then the show whisks them off to another of its slightly corny set pieces. This one is modeled after a summer camp, with former TruTV star Billy Eichner playing the camp counselor and putting them through a series of challenges. Colton, meanwhile, gets to do the grilling. If he doesn’t make a reference to propane and propane accessories, this will be a disappointment. Plus, someone has a secret. Because somebody always has a secret on The Bachelor. So will there be figurative fire, literal fire, or just crying in this week’s episode? Below is all the information you need to watch The Bachelor online and live Monday to catch the first episode. Here’s how ABC officially describes the episode: It’s show time in Los Angeles, as eight bachelorettes join Colton at the venerable Regent Theater. Mullally and Offerman share the news that each of the ladies must prepare a monologue about a memorable “first-time” experience, which will be presented in front of an audience of 200 people. The couple, who are themselves huge Bachelor fans, offers unconventional advice and off-beat performance tips. Colton leads off the night with a candid monologue about the first time he revealed the truth about his virginity that allows the women to take some risks with their own stories. Night one rivals clash and one assertive bachelorette caps off her performance by kissing Colton! He ultimately rewards one experienced woman, who could teach him something about love, with the group date rose. Hannah B. gets the birthday gift of a lifetime, scoring the first one-on-one date of the season. She and Colton share a scenic horseback ride in Los Angeles’ scenic Vasquez Rocks National Area Park and a romantic, relaxing soak in a secluded hot tub, but she struggles to open up. Their dinner on the deck of the iconic ocean liner, The Queen Mary, will offer her another chance to convince Colton their connection is worth saving. Colton mans the grill at “Camp Bachelor” as 12 anxious women arrive at the getaway spot, which offers summer camp experiences. Eichner divides the bachelorettes into two teams, facing off in three different, no-holds-barred challenges: a relay race, a canoe race and a game of tug-of-war. The winning team gets to stay for a “sleepaway camp night” with Colton. One woman tries to find the courage to share an embarrassing secret with the Bachelor. How will that affect his opinion of her and if she is ready for real commitment? The tense cocktail party ignites an earlier feud between a young vixen and a more experienced woman, as the temptress stirs the pot by leading an unassuming Colton away for a private “relaxation” session, interrupting his chat with the other bachelorette. This little trick prompts the abandoned lady to spend the rest of the night in hysterical tears. Will the drama turn Colton off to both women? Four heartbroken bachelorettes go home as the remainder celebrate continuing on the journey to capture Colton’s love. And here’s how you can watch “2302” live, on TV or via live stream: Date: Monday, Jan. 14 Start Time: 8:00 p.m. Episode: “2302” TV Channel: ABC Live Stream: Watch on the ABC website or app. For the latest The Bachelor season 23 spoilers and news, plus more on everything happening in TV, follow the Television category at FanSided.<doc-sep>
Have I underestimated Colton Underwood? Because his latest tweets have shown more self-awareness than I originally thought was there. Take what he wrote after last week's premiere, "I know the virginity thing is overplayed.... hang in there! You will find out other things about me, I promise." A Bachelor who actually gets it? Can you believe? And then there's this tweet from earlier today: "Tune in tonight to see me shower...probably." And he's right—literally the first thing we see after Chris Harrison says, "Tonight on The Bachelor..." is a shot of Colton in the shower while someone shouts, "He's so hot!" The point is, I like a self-aware Bachelor, and this gives me hope that the season might exceed expectations after all. The contestants, however, should probably channel some of that energy from Colton because things are getting banana nut crunch in the mansion. So let's get right to it, shall we? Read our recap for episode two, below, and be aware: Spoilers ahead. We open with Colton talking about the day ahead via a selfie video. It's a new format for The Bachelor, and I have a feeling it's just an excuse to sneak in one more shirtless scene. Meanwhile, Chris Harrison arrives at the mansion to drop off the first date card and a little advice: Take advantage of any time you get with Colton. This wisdom is especially important for Demi, Bri, Tracy, Elyse, Hannah G., Nicole, Onyeka, and Catherine, who all have the first group date of the season. Today's a damn good day to fall in love. —Chris Harrison They all arrive at a theater to a big reveal: Comedians and married couple Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally are leading today's date. They ask the women share a story about a "first time" in their life. Oh, God, this is a nod to Colton's virginity, isn't it? We can't make it 30 minutes without someone bringing up this man's sexual history. My hunch is confirmed as soon as Megan talks about the first time she had sex—or as she puts it, "fucked someone." Nick then describes the first time he "plucked the blossom" of a woman, which is really just a story was about gardening…I hope. "I wasn't sure I was there for the right reasons." —Megan Mullally After a brief writing break, everyone presents their stories to an audience of about 200 people. Colton kicks it off by talking about his virginity. (Of course.) Elyse's tale is about how she's always dated old men—until Colton, her "first" younger guy. Demi thinks it's "so brave" for Elyse to admit this because "there's no advantage to being an older woman here." Demi, What. The. Actual. Hell. I was rooting for you. We were all rooting for you! Nicole describes the first time she dated a white guy, and it's tragically cut short for Hannah G.'s snoozefest about getting her first-impression rose. All we know about Bri's story is that it's about the first time she "felt comfortable" in her own skin.