SPOILER ALERT: Do not read if you have not yet watched the June 18 episode of “The Bachelorette.” Following last week’s bloodbath episode, which landed two suitors in the hospital, Week 4 on “The Bachelorette” brought a little more love and a little less pain, but still plenty of drama. Picking up at last week’s cocktail party, the episode opened with Becca Kufrin handing out roses to her 17 remaining men (after Clay went home ahead of the rose ceremony last week to get surgery). David, who was hurt last week after he fell out of his bunk bed, returned to the Bachelor Mansion with a broken nose and bruised face to receive an early rose. The Bachelorette sent Ryan and Mike home, bringing the count to 15 men still in the running for Kufrin’s heart. This week kicked off the season’s first travel dates, with the group continuing the journey for love in Park City, Utah. Garrett Yrigoyen scored the first one-on-one date outside of Los Angeles, with he and Kufrin heading out for a low-key day of shopping and eating in Park City. Yrigoyen, who received the first impression rose in the premiere, faced public backlash earlier this season after it was revealed he had a history of liking Instagram posts that mocked Parkland high school students, liberal women, trans people, and undocumented immigrants. This was the most screen time he’s gotten since Week 1, and he seems to have Kufrin smitten, after she confessed how much he reminds her of home and how much her late father would have loved him. Hmm, this complicates things. Meanwhile back at the hotel, Lincoln revealed to the other men that he thinks the Earth is flat. So many questions, but they remain unanswered. Lincoln had his own off-screen drama this week, as he was convicted of indecent assault and battery resulting from a 2016 incident in Boston. A lot of winners this season. Back on the one-on-one, Kufrin and Garrett headed out on the slopes to bobsled with some former Olympians, as they spoke about their strong feelings for each other. At dinner, they opened up about their past relationships and Garrett confessed he’d been married before, getting divorced after two months. As Kufrin admitted her “really, really strong feelings” toward him, Garrett was given the rose and the two ended the night dancing in front of the crowd at a country concert. Garrett takes the lead as the new frontrunner! The week’s group date got rugged, with Kufrin taking the group of men into the woods for a lumberjacking competition. The suitors chopped wood, threws axes and lifted logs, all while decked out in plenty of flannel, with software engineer John taking home the trophy. Who knew software engineers knew their way around an axe so well? At the afterparty, drama brewed with male model Jordan traipsing around the date in golden underwear, while Colton called him out for being a clown. Meanwhile, “colognoisseur” Jean Blanc presented Kufrin with a custom bottle of “Becca Blanc” perfume as he told her he was falling in love with her — which was met by a long silence on the Bachelorette’s part. She then quickly send him home as he tried to backtrack and say he didn’t mean it. Stone cold! Kufrin returned to the afterparty visibly upset about Jean Blanc lying to her and decided to go home, ending the group date before giving out a rose. Wills landed the second one-on-one date, with Kufrin still emotional and shaken up from the night before. After the two went snowmobiling and had a picnic on a mountain, The Bachelorette opened up to Wills about her insecurities with the “Bachelor” process. Wills seemed to quell her fears about finding love on reality TV (smart! ), as he revealed his past heartbreak and received the date rose. At the end of the week, Kufrin decided to skip the cocktail party and head straight to the rose ceremony, sending home Nick and Christon and knocking it down to 12 suitors. With a dozen men left, let the real competition begin! Next week, the show travels to Las Vegas, as male model Jordan promises that he’s about to step up “from Captain Underpants to Captain Just Stole Everyone’s Girl.” Yikes! “The Bachelorette” airs on Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.<doc-sep>The Bachelorette is officially The Jordan Show. Some very traditional Bachelorette stuff happened on Monday night’s episode—Becca went on one date that ended with a surprise performance by a generic country musician and another where she said a contestant “really surprised me tonight”—but it all seemed unnecessary. The most interesting parts of this season are always those featuring Jordan, the male model who is somehow both the quickest-witted and slowest-witted man in Bachelorette history. Jordan’s plotlines seemingly exist in a parallel but clearly different universe, separated from the actual narrative of who Becca is going to marry on The Bachelorette. On Monday night’s episode, Becca gave Jordan a pair of extremely tight golden underwear that she said reminded her of him, which allowed him to call himself “Captain Underpants.” Later, some guys yelled at him about his new underpants. Meanwhile, Becca went on some boring dates. Jordan wasn’t there and didn’t have to be. Jordan doesn’t seem particularly interested in Becca, and Becca doesn’t seem particularly interested in him, but they’re both enjoying the mutual arrangement they have: Jordan gets the airtime he wants, Becca gets a breath of comic relief in between dealing with dudes catching feelings for her, and the show gets its much-needed villain. But what makes Jordan so entertaining is that he’s not a typical Bachelor/Bachelorette villain. Jordan is like a friend who’s a bit of an asshole, but is so entertaining that you hang out with him anyway, while every other villain in this history of the show would be egregiously unenjoyable to socialize with. Usually, the bad guys on this show are duplicitous, acting one way around the person they’re trying to woo, but a different way around anybody else. They are confrontational, perpetually getting up in people’s business for the slightest reasons. And most importantly, they seem like genuine threats to the show’s hypothetical goal of pairing two compatible people—they appear capable of perhaps tricking the show’s lead into falling in love with them, even if it’s plain to the viewer that they’re just on the show to start drama and self-promote. With Jordan, none of that seems true. He’s not two-faced—he’s the same self-centered goof everywhere he goes. He’s not confrontational—everybody seems to be yelling at him, and he just kinda picks it up from there. And he’s certainly not in danger of winning the show—he’s just here to show the world how good he looks pantless. He’s the villain, but it’s not hard to root for him. I hope he wins this show; I hope after he wins this show, he somehow immediately breaks up with Becca and gets invited to be on Bachelor in Paradise; I hope he becomes the next Bachelor; I hope he immediately breaks up with the person he picks and somehow winds up on The Bachelorette again next year. Biggest Letdown/Relief: David’s Normal Face David was one of two contestants to require hospital treatment on last week’s Bachelorette/Final Destination crossover episode: Clay maybe ruined his NFL career playing fake football, and David fell face-first out of a bunk bed. In the episode-ending teaser, ABC’s producers showed David returning to the house but pixelated his face, implying that his injury was so graphic that it required censorship. I presumed David would return to the mansion looking like the Phantom of the Opera or Deadpool. He’d pull Becca aside and scream, “LOOK AT ME! I’M HIDEOUS. LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME!” But when ABC pulled off the pixelated mask Monday night, all we saw was a handsome dude with a semi-black eye. This is the second straight week I’ve gotten modestly ruffled by ABC’s decision to exaggerate in-show incidents in their weekly teasers. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me every Monday night for a solid five months of the year, shame on me. Most Embarrassing Presence: Lincoln On Monday night’s episode, Lincoln admitted that he is a flat-earther. It is truly ridiculous that in 2018 a person could go on television and admit to being a member of one of the world’s dumbest, most easily disproved conspiracy groups. But as much as I want to just get off jokes about Lincoln saying a dumb thing, his words aren’t the embarrassing part—the embarrassing part is that he is even allowed on this show even though he is a convicted sex offender. News broke last week that Lincoln “groped and assaulted“ a woman on a cruise ship in 2016 and pleaded guilty to charges of indecent assault and battery last May—almost a full year ahead of when filming for the season began. ABC says it ran a background report that didn’t find any evidence of this. I’m skeptical, because Google exists. There are debates about the level of improper behavior that should disqualify somebody from participation on a show like this. Should a bad tweet get somebody taken out of the pool? What about liking a bad tweet, or a bad Instagram post? What about an unproved allegation of misconduct? I’d argue that the barrier to entry should be extremely high—appearing on a show like The Bachelorette is a privilege, not a right, and it’s not a miscarriage of justice if potentially innocent people are kept off the show in an effort to prevent bigots and abusers from being cast. But wherever you set the bar, a guy who literally pleaded guilty to a sex crime should not clear it. Lincoln should not have been allowed anywhere near reality television. He doesn’t deserve it, and more importantly, Becca’s safety shouldn’t be jeopardized. This show is about a woman pursuing romantic relationships, and none of her potential options should be men who have assaulted women in the past. ABC needs to apologize—to the audience, and also to Becca—and do whatever it takes to make sure this never happens again. Worst Play: Jean Blanc White John thought he had everything figured out: After receiving the final rose of the Week 3 ceremony, he was going to amp up his relationship with Becca with a two-fold plan: First, he would give her a gift; then, he would tell her that he was falling in love with her. This plan backfired tremendously. His gift was a fragrance he claimed was custom-made for Becca by some of the world’s finest fragrance people, entitled “Miss Becca Blanc.” Jean apologized for the fragrance’s name, saying he knows that in real life, Becca wants to retain her own last name. But now I’m even more confused, because why did she change her name without shedding the “Miss” title? Either this fragrance exists in an alternate world where Becca doesn’t get married to Jean, but still changes her last name to “Blanc,” or this fragrance is for Jean’s daughter, whom he named after Becca. (Sorry for saying “fragrance” so often—I’m just trying to keep up with Jean, who says “fragrance” a lot.) Anyway, after this, Jean told Becca that he was falling in love, and she pulled away. “Falling in love” operates as a distinct, serious tier in the Bachelorette journey, ahead of “on the path to falling in love” but behind actually being “in love,” and when Jean expressed his position on the Bachelorette love-jargon pyramid, Becca was understandably taken aback—it’s Week 4 after all, far too early for a “falling in love” drop. Telling Jean that he must be experiencing something that she isn’t, Becca decided to send him home. Jean then immediately backtracked, telling Becca that he was slightly exaggerating his actual stance on things because he thought it was something she wanted to hear, and what he was supposed to say at this point in the season. This is more irritating to Becca, who just got dumped by a guy who proposed to her on television because he thought it was something she wanted to hear and what he was supposed to say at that point in the season. This happens just about every season: a contestant overplays their hand by dropping a love-related word to a person who is distinctly not in love with them. There are really two tracks to Bachelorette success—if you’re somebody who actually has a chance to end up engaged on this show, it’s OK to be open with your feelings and say things about love. If you’re not, just try to be memorable enough to avoid elimination so you get to go on more trips to cool places. Most Impressive Performance: John This episode brought the cast to Park City, Utah, billed as “America’s most exclusive winter wonderland” by Becca, who presumably was told she had to call it America’s most exclusive winter wonderland. This meant there were a lot of outdoor activities—Garrett got to go bobsledding, Wills got to go snowmobiling, and everybody else got to do a lumberjacking obstacle course. (“This is our first bobsledding experience,” Becca happily whispered to Garrett, implying that either “first bobsledding experience” is a common activity for new couples, or that if their relationship blossoms, they will have several future bobsledding experiences.) That last one was especially fun, because while the vast majority of cast members this season are extremely athletic, two are not—John, the guy who helped code the Venmo app, and David, the guy who is a venture capitalist and wore a chicken suit for all of the first night. It was truly enjoyable to watch Silicon Valley’s Finest struggle through the manliest activities possible. David blamed his facial injury and dropped out; John was assigned tree-climbing duty while every other contestant sawed things, flipped logs, or threw axes. He helped his team win a race, and was given an award by Becca. He wasn’t the most athletic dude there, but the mere act of appearing mildly athletic was enough to earn him a prize. Great job by all contestants—you’ll do great on the next season of Bachelor Winter Games. (I assume ABC is going to show Bachelor Winter Games every February, regardless of whether the Olympics are happening.)<doc-sep>
Unless you're actually invested in this David vs. Jordan drama, the real Bachelor Nation developments are currently happening offscreen: Ashley and Jared are engaged, Twitter is locked in a battle over who this season's contestants look like, and Raven blocked Bekah on Twitter. And then you have the Garrett and Lincoln controversies—about a problematic social media history and an assault conviction, respectively. These two have certainly cast a shadow over the season—you're not going to root for the guy who was found guilty of indecent assault and battery for groping and assaulting a woman—and it calls into question the past of all the men. But that's a larger, on-going story. Tonight, my role is to simply recap, for better or worse, what happened in this episode. So, let's go. We open with the cocktail party from last week. To recap, Clay had to leave because of an injury, David is still in the hospital after he fell from the top of a bunk bed, and Jordan's being Jordan. Blake takes Becca aside and leads her to the guys' dark bedroom, where they sit under what I hope is not the same bed David fell off of. What do we think that room smells like? A potent mixture of farts, sweaty socks, and Jean Blanc's cologne collection? So romantic. Instead of backing out of the room slowly, like I would do, Becca stays and even talks potential baby names—Stevie or Charlie for a girl—with Blake. Downstairs, the guys discuss David's injury. They're all bummed he's hurt—well, everyone except Jordan, who is glad to have a break from David. Apparently people who go against Jordan just get hurt sometimes, so that's a fun fact. Then, as if his ego wasn't already riding an all-time high, Becca gifts Jordan with a pair of golden underwear that she says made her think of him. "I can't wait to brush my teeth in these," - Jordan, about his "golden boy" underpants Right on cue, David walks through the door. He's got a broken nose and a black eye, but he's here to see Becca. Jordan, of course, reacts to this by insulting David's busted-up face with lines like, "He probably thought he could save some face but little does he know he has no face to save." The joke's on Jordan, though, because Becca gives David a rose so he can skip the rose ceremony and catch up on sleep. "All I know is I'm Captain Underpants and...uh, that's all I got. That's all I got." - Great comeback, Jordan At the rose ceremony, Nick is inexplicably in a tracksuit and still gets a rose. So do Jason, Wills, Christon, Lincoln, Blake, Garrett, Leo, John, Connor, Jordan, and Jean Blanc. That's goodbye to Ryan and Mike. They didn't get much screen time, but I will miss seeing Mike's man bun around the mansion. After the guys say their goodbyes, Becca tells the remaining crew they'll be heading to Park City, Utah. Once there, Garrett gets the first one-on-done—whoops, that was a slip, one-on-one—date. One thing they don't talk about: his views on immigration, gun control, and feminism. Nope, instead, they walk around shopping, taking selfies, and talking about some town in Minnesota that looks like Park City. Speaking of guys who are canceled, Lincoln reveals to the others that he really, truly thinks the world is flat. Back to Becca and Garrett's date: They're going bobsledding and meet with two badass Olympians, Valerie Fleming and Shauna Rohbock, to learn the ropes. Valerie and Shauna share a beautiful story about how they were teammates, which then became a friendship, which then became a romance. Now, they're in love, married, and have two children together. It's such a lovely moment, tampered by the fact that I simply cannot buy Garrett as a romantic interest when his social media history is looming over everything. Later, over dinner, Becca asks Garrett about his past relationships, and he reveals that he got divorced after two months of marriage. Garrett claims his ex-wife was emotionally abusive and drove a wedge between him and his family and friends. It's been two years since the divorce, and now he wants a partner who is 50/50. I don't know that I trust that he really does—again, social media—but Becca gives him a rose. They close out the night with our first concert of the season: Granger Smith.