Photo : ABC Okay, team. This week was a rambunctious one, full of so many twists and turns that none of us could really follow the playbook. As the season goes on, the chaff will be cut and the roster will really start to gel. But in the meantime, as your stern but loving coach, I’m here to make clear what really went down on Monday night’s episode of The Bachelorette: A star turn by none other than acclaimed rapper Lil Jon, who does not appear to have anything to promote right now but showed up in full form all the same. Advertisement First, let’s get to the sports, of which there were many. Sports Events Relationship Obstacle Course: One of the group dates this week involved men racing through the treacherous steps of a relationship as if it were an obstacle course, an event MCed by last season’s bachelorette Rachel Lindsay and her chosen partner Bryan Personal Trainer. This event spun off the biggest drama of the episode, because other cast members claimed that Lincoln (the alleged nest-shitter and Becca’s declared “block of muscle”) “cheated” as he raced through stages to take a staged photo with Becca as “husband and wife.” About half of the episode was then devoted to Lincoln preening around with a framed photo Becca gave him of the two of them “married” following his win, which upset Fitness Coach Connor so much that he threw the framed photo and the glass shattered not once, but twice. Such a display of unsportsmanlike conduct prompts Lincoln to cry, Becca to get upset, and Connor to repent. “The picture is broken, my heart is broken,” Lincoln says upon Connor throwing it past Clay and then into the pool. “It’s unfortunate he had to run to Becca,” Connor complains, before being chastised by Becca and making an immediate about-face and apologizing for his actions, declaring himself “embarrassed.” Connor ultimately repents by having Becca torch his past self by throwing a picture of his face with cake on it from the obstacle course into the pool—a beautiful, full-circle moment. Dodgeball (on trampolines): In an opportunity to get heckled by children early in the season, the second group date of the episode involved men dividing into teams and playing trampoline dodgeball. Despite her trepidation, Becca actually seemed to dig “Chris” Christian throwing the ball extremely hard at her, making me feel like we had different childhood gym experiences. (“I’ve never had guys fight over me, so this will be interesting,” she says.) This season we’re yet again inexplicably joined by the delightful Fred Willard as MC for the event, who must have something better to do. Advertisement “What these guys don’t understand is that winning doesn’t come from bicep curls or tricep extensions. It comes from your heart,” Leo says, as his team—the pink team—loses. Love As Sport Former NFL practice-squadder and potential virgin Colton is in a tough spot. One of our possible season MVPs has another issue outside of his lack of sexual prowess and Not Being Here for the Right Reasons: He dated former Bachelor contestant and Becca’s good friend Tia right before coming on the show, and apparently somehow we’re supposed to think Becca didn’t know? Colton has an uncanny quality of grinning through even the most upsetting news, and saying things like, “We could go make chicken-noodle soup and I’d be ecstatic,” or “Becca looks amazing but she smells even better. I don’t know, it’s weird to say but she had a good smell about her.” Advertisement Anyway, Colton admits to Becca that he “had a weekend” with Tia. Becca looks mad, or is a good actress. He tries to assure Becca that he didn’t come into this hoping the Bachelorette would be Tia, but given how early they cast these shows, and that he “had a weekend” with Tia, that’s hard to buy. He’s also wearing a horribly checked suit as he apologizes for having trouble articulating his feelings to Becca. “Relationships are based on honesty and trust and you will never have that doubt with me,” he tells Becca, though privately (to the camera and to all of us) he admits he’s concerned about their potential success as a couple, as “all of my conversations have included another woman’s name.” “I’m just hoping she can look past...my past,” Colton concludes. Advertisement Meanwhile, Stone Cold Clay is as nice and boring as ever. “I definitely hope I’m on that first date card,” the NFL player tells the camera. “I’m trying not to overstep boundaries or make anyone mad, but I’m here for you,” he tells Becca. “I think it was unnecessary for Lincoln to put the picture on the table...but there’s definitely better ways to handle it,” he says of Connor’s actions. “There’s obviously some pressure tonight because Becca’s been through a lot this week,” he tells the camera, before explaining that he wants to show Becca he knows how to have a good time. Finally, the former tight end gets to what he’s (sort of) good at: slinging the pigskin out in the front of this mansion a family moves out of multiple times a year for multiple thousands of dollars. “Me and my teammates, we bump our helmets together,” Clay explains, before doing this dance and somehow getting a kiss out of it: Advertisement Probably the most interesting thing Clay did was during the obstacle court date, when he said he had “to protect the valuables, keep them warm and dryish” and the valuables he meant were his balls. Advertisement Lastly, Sports Analyst Mike did not get a date—not even a group date—but somehow got a rose, keeping him in the running for next week. Other Stuff Photo : ABC Advertisement FINALLY, we get to a place worthy of the superlatives Chris Harrison throws out every episode of every season. Lil Jon inexplicably shows up for Becca’s one-on-one date with Large-Toothed Blake—who takes it back to the days of Robin Hood and pronounces his name “Little John”—and DJs as she and Blake take a baseball bat to alleged mementos of her past relationship with Arie. This is the best and most head-scratching date I’ve ever seen on this show. The producer who came up with it deserves a raise, as well as the agent who green-lit Lil Jon, and I am not speaking in Chris Harrisons. This is The Truth, just like when Becca said, “I wouldn’t say I’m an aggressively physical person” and then beat up a perfectly good television.<doc-sep>Without Trump’s intrusion, though, the episode might have seemed weighty. Becca Kufrin remains to be one of the most aggressively personable Bachelorettes the series has seen. She doesn’t have the bawdy humor of Kaitlyn Bristowe, but she’s morbidly attentive to her contestants, and they can’t help but bask in it. This week, she ratifies her connection with Blake (horse guy), forges a connection with Garrett ( bad Instagram guy ), settles the drama with Colton ( Aly Raisman guy ), and writes a song with Chris (Eddie from Friends guy). She also pulls a few gems from the rough that went unnoticed in previous episodes, like Jason (slicked-back-hair guy) and Clay (NFL guy who will later leave). Becca, like a producer herself, knows how to highlight these men. Speaking to Clay after their football group date, she notes how happy she was that Clay could have fun playing football without “intimidating” the other men. (He's very good at football, but he's also overwhelmingly affable.) And, for what it’s worth, Clay seems to be a beloved resident of the house. When he leaves, the men seem genuinely upset, especially Leo, a doe-eyed stuntman with a pile of hair.<doc-sep>
The first one-on-one date on The Bachelorette is usually singled out for its romance and sweeping grand gestures, but Becca's first individual date of the season with Blake broke that tradition. Lil Jon was on The Bachelorette while Becca and Blake smashed visual memories of Arie and, yes, it was as bizarre as you'd expect. I guess we're far from leaving Becca's connection to Arie behind us, huh? Blake, a 28-year-old sales rep from Colorado, has been a standout among the men since he was first introduced entering on a horse on the live "After the Final Rose" special. Despite that there was an obvious connection between Blake and Becca on Night One, she waited until the first one-on-one opportunity to know him in a more private setting. When their car pulled up to a dilapidated, slightly sketchy-looking building once on the date, it was clear that, just like Blake's pattern in making entrances, very little about this date would be normal. Why else would Chris Harrison greet them with a sledgehammer in tow? Once inside the warehouse, the pair spotted a race car and TVs playing Arie's proposal to Becca alongside — surprise! — Lil Jon, aka the soundtrack to everyone's college freshman orientation. I love obscure musician appearances on The Bachelorette as much as the next gal, but seeing him definitely kicked up the "what?" level to a whole other notch. Was he going to pull a Bachelorette throwback and rap about Blake being there for the right reasons? The rapper proceeded to play his hit "Turn Down for What" while Becca and Blake used their own hammers to smash the car, TVs, and even the "exact" couch on which Arie broke up with Becca. How long are you milking this cow, ABC? ABC Although the date sounds like a nonsensical dream to me, Becca loved it, clearly delighting in smashing up reminders of her ex. Blake initially seemed a little skeptical about getting in on the action, but by the end, both he and Becca had no issues destroying Arie mementos. And the show is still inviting him to visit Becca on the show after all of this? While Becca had her cathartic moment, Lil Jon was actually pretty into providing the soundtrack and appropriate commentary for the occasion. He even turned on some mood music when she and Blake took a break, and fans on Twitter loved his attentiveness to the couple. We all know that Becca is always down to do the damn thing, and Blake playing along with her destruction mission proved that he's willing to go along with the catchphrase too. On the night portion of their date, he opened up about how badly his last major relationship ended and how easy bonding with Becca was so far. Blake's sweetness and honesty quickly won over Bachelor Nation, and I totally get why. Genuine and kind to animals? I'm sold. Although Blake came away from the date with a rose, fans were still obsessed with Lil Jon's cameo, and the musician lapped up the praise on Twitter, retweeting plenty of viewers' supportive messages. He even acknowledged in his own tweet that, hypothetically, he'd totally run away with Becca if she offered. There's a spinoff series I'd love to see. Kicking off the season with such a high-profile celeb appearance is a tough act to follow, but I think that Tia-Colton confrontation that next week's teaser hinted at is bound to sweep any musician cameos under the rug. It was fun while it lasted, Lil Jon. The Bachelorette returns on Tuesday, June 12, at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.