There’s nothing like a holiday obsessed with romantic love to turn Feb. 14 into chocolate-covered misery for even the happiest of singles. It can make people feel as if they're the only ones in the world not coupled up. But if you’re spending Valentine’s Day by yourself, know that you’re not alone. First, the holiday seems to have lost its oomph for everyone: A decade ago, about two-thirds of adults planned to celebrate Valentine’s Day, but that number has dropped to about half today, according to the National Retail Federation. When it recently asked people why they skipped the holiday, most said they considered it overcommercialized, didn’t have anyone to celebrate with or just weren’t interested anymore. Lane Moore, a comedian, musician, creator of “Tinder Live” and author of “How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't” can relate. “I love pink and hearts and glitter, but the pressure to be with the perfect someone and to display how much you're loved by them — I don’t think is super healthy,” Moore told TODAY. She spends Valentine's Day performing her comedy show, “so I'm doing something that makes me and other people happy, and it has nothing to do with what another person does for me and everything to do with what I do for myself.” Americans are lonelier than ever Being alone is a big part of life for Moore: She has a family, but there hasn’t been much love and closeness, she writes in her book — a project that was “painful to write and painful to talk about.” Moore was forced her to become her own support system to the point where she now dreads filling out medical forms at a doctor’s office, because she doesn’t have anyone to list as an emergency contact. She has lots of company. Almost half of Americans — 46 percent — say they sometimes or always feel alone, according to a survey of more than 20,000 U.S. adults released last year by Cigna. One in five say they rarely feel close to people and a quarter never feel there are people who really understand them. When trying to find a romantic partner, many find online dating frustrating and bleak, just like Moore does. “I have a ton of friends who met their husbands and wives online and that's so great. But for a lot of us, and even for them before they found their person, dating apps were absolutely frustrating and seem hopeless because it really takes a toll on you,” Moore said. “It's just too many people and many of them don't reply, or don’t fill out profiles, or don’t put much effort in. It's more options, but less somehow.” Some studies suggest 20- and 30-somethings are experiencing a “sex recession” and are on track to have fewer sexual partners than previous generations. How to spend Valentine’s Day alone You might start by treating yourself with kindness and respect on Feb. 13, International Self Love Day. Banish the negative self-talk and focus on self-compassion. Studies have found lifelong singles are more optimistic, experience more personal growth and enjoy more autonomy than other people, according to Psychology Today. Moore’s advice to anyone feeling particularly alone or lonely on Feb. 14 is to spend Valentine’s Day with your favorite TV show, a book you love, your best friend, your pet — “anyone who makes you feel cute and loved and special.” It doesn't have to be the perfect romantic partner, she said. “My favorite Valentine's Days have been the ones I've given myself, because it's just a lot of pressure to rely on another person to make you perfectly happy on this one specific day,” Moore said. Last year, Moore adopted a rescue dog named Lights, and when she was asked to choose a birthday for her furry companion, Valentine’s Day was the first date she thought of. “So I'm going to celebrate with her, which is perfect for me, because I love her more than I've ever loved anyone, and she makes me feel more loved than anyone else ever has. That's the spirit of the holiday, really, love.”<doc-sep>I tried not to let thoughts of cuddled-up couples and happy groups of friends cloud my mind. This was exactly where I needed to be – this could be my escape. Let me explain: Van Morrison is the anchor to my childhood, and a musician who is intertwined in my mind with my dad. He was the first dance song played at my parent’s wedding, the soundtrack to every family holiday we’d ever had, and the music my dad used to sing to me when I was a child. I had seen Morrison perform twice before, and both times he was flawless. Both times I had also been sitting next to my dad. “How lucky are we,” he had said each time. I’ve always known that, when it comes to my dad, I am indeed lucky. He’s always been a constant in my life, and has been unwavering in offering support, advice, and perspective when I seem to lose it. We’re both so similar that at times it can seem like we’re the same person. We have the same struggles and the same strengths, and both think Astral Weeks is Morrison’s best album.<doc-sep>Ah yes, Valen­tine’s Day is right around the bend. Cue the flow­ers, the can­dy and the choco­lates, the ted­dy bears, the elab­o­rate gifts, the date nights and din­ners. Restau­rants will be booked to full ca­pac­i­ty. Cou­ples every­where will be swoon­ing over each oth­er; so­cial me­dia will be flood­ed with “I love you” mes­sages, from Face­book to Snapchat to In­sta­gram and every­where in be­tween. And in the midst of all this love be­ing in the air, any­where AND every­where, there you are, sin­gle. Now, there is ab­solute­ly noth­ing wrong with be­ing sin­gle. How­ev­er, it is un­for­tu­nate that in the year of Our Lord 2019, a woman’s worth, no mat­ter how much she has done for her­self aca­d­e­m­i­cal­ly, pro­fes­sion­al­ly, and in her life on a whole, is al­ways tied to if she “have ah man” or not. Even the Pres­i­dent Paula-Mae Weekes had to deal with ques­tions re­gard­ing her sex­u­al­i­ty, be­cause for some, it is com­plete­ly dumb­found­ed that a woman of her stature does not have a hus­band or male com­pan­ion to go home to at the end of the day. As to why there is such an em­pha­sis on a woman’s sin­gle­ness? That is a his­to­ry les­son for an­oth­er day. In­stead, I polled a few of my sin­gle la­dy friends to find out how long they’ve been sin­gle, if they’re look­ing for that spe­cial some­one right now, how they spend Feb­ru­ary 14, and if the en­tire idea of Valen­tine’s Day is a big deal to them or not. Melis­sa’s been sin­gle about five years now. She ex­plained that al­though she does love the idea of get­ting back in­to re­la­tion­ship, she isn’t ac­tive­ly look­ing for a re­la­tion­ship. Valen­tine’s Day doesn’t faze her. She nev­er re­al­ly cel­e­brat­ed the day while she was with her then hus­band, so to her, it is sim­ply just an­oth­er day. She’d most like­ly spend the evening do­ing what she nor­mal­ly does: go­ing to gym, then head­ing home to re­lax, watch­ing tele­vi­sion and then call­ing it a night. Keisha has on­ly been sin­gle a few months, and ad­mit­ted that even though she and her now ex nev­er re­al­ly cel­e­brat­ed Valen­tine’s Day, the thought of be­ing sin­gle for the first time in a long while on Valen­tine’s Day has her feel­ing some type way. She couldn’t put her fin­ger on the feel­ing, but sim­ply ex­plained that “it isn’t a good a feel­ing”. She said she’d try to hang out with some of her oth­er sin­gle friends on that day, but know­ing her, she’d prob­a­bly end up stay­ing home rem­i­nisc­ing on her past re­la­tion­ship, wine in­clud­ed. When I asked her about the prospect of a new re­la­tion­ship, she re­spond­ed that she wished she and her ex could work things out and rec­on­cile. Ar­i­an­na, who didn’t want to dis­close how long she’s been sin­gle, said that the whole con­cept of Valen­tine’s Day is BS. Why wait for this one day in the year to show your part­ner that you love them? You can do that any oth­er day of the year, and you won’t have to wor­ry about peo­ple try­ing to rip you off by in­creas­ing the cost of flow­ers and oth­er tra­di­tion­al Valen­tine’s Day para­pher­na­lia. With all that said, she is still search­ing for love and hopes to find it one day. Kathryn, who said ex­plained that her di­vorce was just fi­nalised, said to me that the day has no re­al sig­nif­i­cance to her. Right now she is sim­ply fo­cused on her chil­dren and as far as she sees it, they are her Valen­tines. When asked about if she is back on the dat­ing scene, she ad­mit­ted that there is some­one, but it isn’t se­ri­ous, her chil­dren are her pri­or­i­ty so that is where she is in­vest­ed. Re­nee said she loved every­thing about Valen­tine’s Day. And for her then boyfriend, she would go all out. Since their break up about three years ago, she has tuned out the day on a whole. She told me that comes off of so­cial me­dia for a few days, be­cause it hurts her to all these peo­ple in love, and she wants that for her­self, but doesn’t have it. She said that she will for­ev­er be a hope­less ro­man­tic, bor­der­line be­liev­er in a fairy tale, so she is al­ways look­ing for her Prince Charm­ing. In hear­ing all their sto­ries, I re­alised that the day has dif­fer­ent mean­ings for dif­fer­ent peo­ple. While some aren’t both­ered or hyped up about the day, oth­ers are. While some are still look­ing for love, oth­ers are quite con­tent in their sin­gle­ness. As a sin­gle woman, you can make Valen­tine’s day about YOU. Treat your­self, take your­self out on a date, go to the spa, to the gym, go watch a movie. Do some­thing for you that speaks to your heart and soul. Learn to love your­self and learn to love be­ing in your own com­pa­ny. If you have chil­dren, spe­and it with them. Just be­cause the premise of Valen­tine’s Day is cel­e­brat­ing Eros love, doesn’t mean that you have to cel­e­brate it that way. You can ac­knowl­edge Feb­ru­ary 14 in your own way. Af­ter all, the day is about love, isn’t it? Tshenelle Bethel-Pe­ters aka Nel­ly B is a nat­ur­al hair, plus size, beau­ty, and lifestyle blog­ger; an avid sup­port­er of buy­ing lo­cal and a firm be­liev­er in the pow­er of a smile. Fol­low her at www.adayinthe­life­ofnellyb.com or @blessed­nel­ly on Twit­ter and In­sta­gram<doc-sep>The Single Side - Nicole February 14. Valentine’s Day. The day to stay off of all social media. If you want to see all the sappy paragraphs about how much they love their S/O and people just genuinely and completely in love, go look at Snapchat, Instagram or Facebook. Twitter is for the single people. On Twitter, you will see people making jokes about being single. Things such as getting wine-drunk and buying a $30 giant stuffed monkey for themselves because they want “snugs.” They may even post about the love of their lives, AKA their dog. Ah yes. Who doesn't love Valentine’s Day? It’s the day that people who have an S/O feel the need to broadcast their feelings for their person, because telling their person how much they love them in person, through a phone call, email, letter or text message is just too hard. They need to rub it in the face of all of their followers that they have a person and their followers don't. You’re a loser for being single. I’m just kidding. For most of my Valentine’s Days, I have been in the same boat as you, single, alone and most of all, bitter. This year will be different, I have actually convinced someone to put up with my attitude and guess what? He’s OK with it, he likes me back. But that is beside the point. What do you single people do on Valentine’s Day, you may ask? Great question. Let me tell you all about the excitings things I have done on February 14 in the past. May or may not have been that person who bought herself the giant stuffed monkey. You have to do what you have to do sometimes, okay? Celebrated GAL-entine’s Day instead. Gather up all your single gal pals and get each other chocolate and flowers as opposed to relying on a guy. This is actually a very healthy and fun way of going about this holiday. It hypes your gals up and makes you happy to be with others instead of being bitter, annoyed and alone. Avoided all social media. No seriously: delete the apps for the day. RIP to your Snapchat streaks. Nobody wants to see everyone else being spoiled and so happy that you want to throw up because that is all what the posts are on V-Day. Yuck. Waited until February 15 and ran down to Walmart to stock up on the heart shaped Reeses at a discounted price. They still taste the same and who doesn't love Reeses? Spent the evening posted up on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, watching chick flicks. I’m talkin, A Walk to Remember, The Notebook, Dear John, A Lucky One, oh yeah. All of those. Bring the tissues and get your hopes up for a love like the movies. Odds are, that’s never going to happen for you. Treat it like any other day. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean that you have to hate everyone and hate love. Just accept that it didn’t happen for you this year. Be happy for those who are in love and have someone. Your time is coming and your person is coming. Maybe not next year, or the year after that, or the next five years, but maybe in the future, you will find someone to put up with you. I mean, I somehow did (Y’all need to pray for him by the way, I am a lot). February 14 is a day for love. If you don’t have a significant other, it’s not the end of the world. You still have your family and friends. Show them love! It can be annoying to see your social media blown up with hearts and sappy paragraphs, but how you choose to handle that, is up to you. Be bitter or be happy. It’s only 24 hours long and after that, we all go back to being our normal selves. Happy Valentine’s Day or Happy Thursday. Even though I’m “boo’d up,” I am still going to Walmart to get those half priced hearts; it’s tradition. The Taken Truth - Kylee Valentine’s Day for those who have an S/O is an exciting day full of surprises and cute messages to each other. Personally, I’m in a two-and-a-half-year relationship and happier than ever. Valentine’s is a day of love between my boyfriend and me. However, gifts for one another become difficult over the years. We try to find something cute, unique and useful that we haven't gotten each other already. For many couples, this can be an exciting day for girls or an overwhelming day for guys. The girls usually come up with the cute and unique gifts off the bat. This comes naturally to us. We think about what we would want to get and turn it into what a guy wants. For guys, on the other hand, it is a little more difficult. For the past two-and-a-half-years with my boyfriend, it has been a struggle for him to find a cute gift that I would enjoy. Not saying that I won't appreciate whatever he gets me, he just always tries to go over the top. While being in a relationship with a guy who has no clue what his girlfriend wants, you can keep it simple and create a unique and cute “night to remember.” Here is a list of ideal Valentine’s dates you can do for your significant other : Text your significant other a time to be ready and pick them up, blindfold him/her and drive to their favorite restaurant. This can be extremely cute and sentimental for both of you. Recreate your first date, but maybe this time, have it be a little less awkward. This will bring back memories of the relationship you had when it started. Have a stay home date: order in your favorite food, have all of his/her favorite movies gathered up. This will be an easy and cheap night for you to create. All you need is a couch/bed, some comfortable clothes and fuzzy blankets.<doc-sep>
Shawn Mendes will be spending Valentine's Day alone. Before performing at the Grammy's on February 10, Shawn told Extra that he doesn't "have a Valentine" this year. “If I had a girlfriend, I think I definitely would celebrate…" he said. "I never have gone and done something big for Valentine’s Day." We have some good news for Shawn. No, not that several Teen Vogue staffers have volunteered to be his Valentine — it's that you don't need someone else in your life to celebrate love on Valentine's Day. Being single doesn't mean you need to sit out the holiday. It means you need to take your love and turn it inward, focusing on yourself for one glorious day. Traditionally, the day was set up to celebrate coupledom, but it's high time we take that back and start using Valentine's Day as a chance to celebrate all kinds of love, be it romantic, platonic, familial, or self. In that spirit, here are seven ways you can celebrate yourself this V-Day. Read up, Shawn. Go to Your Favorite Restaurant Alone Not with friends, not with your parents, not on a date. Just go eat your favorite meal all by yourself, with the company of a good book. It might seem scary to ask for a table for one, but once you've settled in, you'll realize there's nothing wrong with dining solo. It's kind of freeing — you can order whatever you want, eat as fast or slow as you care to, and you don't have to pull out your calculator to split the bill at the end. If you're typically uncomfortable being in public spaces without a pal, that's where the book comes in handy. It gives you something to focus on until you're more comfortable. And trust us, you will get more comfortable. Hit the Spa By spa we mean your bathtub, but the sentiment is the same! Take a luxurious bath and treat yourself to some pampering. Break out your favorite candle and some luscious bath bombs, throw on a sexy playlist, brew yourself a mug of tea, and dim the lights for a full spa experience. Let the relaxing commence. See a Movie You're probably used to hitting the theater with your friends, but try it solo this Valentine's Day. It's a chance to finally see that movie none of your friends were into, or see a new release ASAP, before your friends' schedules allow. Plus, a seat for one means you can have your pick of the theater, and you don't have to share your popcorn. Win win. Bake Your Favorite Treat Throw on the Great British Baking Show for some inspiration and get to mixing. A sweet dessert is always a great way to treat yourself, and it's even better when you've made it yourself. From picking what dessert you want to getting the ingredients and actually making it, baking can be super indulgent, and perfect to do by yourself. Go Lingerie Shopping Sexy undergarments are an act of self-love you can enjoy many times over. Whether you're wearing it at home to feel cute or under your clothes to boost your confidence during the day, lingerie can really up your personal-romance factor. No matter what lingerie you pick up for your V-Day, it can be used throughout the year, anytime you decide to take yourself on a date — self-love shouldn't be reserved for February 14. Need some recommendations on where to shop? We've got some. Watch a Show Only You Like There's always that one show that you love but no one ever wants to watch with you. This is your perfect chance to settle in with some popcorn and hot chocolate and go wild. Or, if you have a pact with your friends to only watch Riverdale when you're together, make Valentine's Day the time to binge The OC or rewatch Gossip Girl for the 53rd time. Whatever the show, this solo date is the perfect time to indulge. Masturbate Sometimes you have to take self-love literally. With everyone talking about sex and love on Valentine's Day, there's no reason that you shouldn't get in on it just because you don't have a partner. Because it's such a romantic day, take a few moments to romance yourself to get your session started. You can do whatever makes you happiest, whether it's putting on a sexy outfit, cueing up sensual music, or busting out your favorite sex toys.