Bachelorette Becca Kufrin finally said goodbye David and Jordan after an awful 2-on-1 date in Week 5, but a shocking decision at the rose ceremony left many viewers scratching their heads. We’ll be recapping each episode and ranking all the contestants weekly on FTW. 1. Blake Last week: 1 What a difference a week makes. After Jean-Blanc rattled Becca with a hollow declaration of love that he later took back, Blake told Becca that he was already falling in love with her. Becca didn’t reciprocate the message directly, but later said in a commentary bit that she’s “falling in love with Blake and knew it from the beginning.” Honestly, just send all the other guys home now, Becca. Blake’s got this competition in the bag, barring some sort of bizarre, Chris-like meltdown. 2. Colton Last week: 5 Colton was awarded with a 1-on-1 date with Becca, and they went on a camel safari. Colton opened on a past relationship and revealed that he’s only been in love once, but after saying “I love you” very quickly in a past relationship, she called it off “out of the blue.” Colton may have been alluding to Aly Raisman, although he gave a different account of that breakup to Becca. The date was edited and condensed, but Becca and Colton shared an almost awkward amount of kisses in that span. Becca appears to have fully moved on from the Tia situation, and noted that “seeing [Colton] smile makes my heart happy. Colton later told the camera that he can confidently say he’s falling in love. Bright light city’s gonna set my soul, it’s gonna set my soul on fire! 🎲#TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/vJaJK1VNN9 — The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) June 26, 2018 3. Garrett Last week: 2 Garrett proved to be a truly horrendous singer, but he shared a nice moment with Becca overlooking the Vegas Golden Knights’ rink. According to Becca, Garrett makes her “smile so damn much.” 4. Wills Last week: 3 Wills showed off some interesting style choices, rocking what may have been a male romper for a group date before showing up to the Rose Ceremony in an amazing plaid suit. Wills’ “what’s up baby” to a furious Chris was the highlight of the episode. 5. Jason Last week: 4 It was a quiet week for Jason, who really wishes he could have belted out “Circle of Life” instead of a lame love song. If they would’ve let me sing “Circle of Life” (Lion King) on that stage…it would have been…GAME OVER! 🦁 — Jason Tartick (@Jason_Tartick) June 26, 2018 6. The spirit of Grocery Store Joe Last week: 9 Joe was kicked out in Week 1, but the people of Twitter have spoken, and they want Joe back. You know who wouldn't have spent his valuable one-on-one time talking about someone else? #TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/yJUTQjRkRN — Bob (@Bachelor__Bob) June 26, 2018 justice for grocery store joe and venmo john#TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/BallarmIQq — Saraleah Cogan (@SaraleahCogan) June 26, 2018 7. Leo Last week: 6 I still want to believe in Leo, but it’s been five weeks and he’s only shared a few short conversations with Becca in that span. He’s done nothing to torpedo his chances, though, and might make a deep run just by letting the other men around him implode. Ok can Leo get a date? We haven’t heard much about him #TheBachelorette — karyl beloin (@krbeloin) June 26, 2018 8. Connor Last week: 10 Connor is…. still hanging around, somehow. He joked about his photo frame meltdown in his love song, and appears to have built a sizable fan following on Twitter. If connor isn’t your favorite bachelorette contestant you can fight me. LOOK AT THIS MAN #TheBachelerotte pic.twitter.com/6wqh0RSwZZ — annika (@theannikaj) June 26, 2018 9. John (eliminated) Last week: 8 John was never going to win this competition and we barely got to know him over five weeks, but he deserved better than to be eliminated before Chris. CHRIS OVER SWEET JOHN??? WHAT KIND OF PRODUCER BS IS THAT #TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/INXTSmQgsW — Emily (@LIVITUP1792) June 26, 2018 10. Jordan (eliminated) Last week: 16 The man we thought could potentially be a secret agent finally went home, but only after emerging victorious in his epic feud with David. In a move clearly set up by Bachelorette producers to drive ratings, Jordan and David joined Becca for a 2-on-1 date that went off the rails within the first few minutes. David alleged that Jordan had been showing interest in other women and said he’d be “settling” for Becca, but was unable to prove Jordan actually said any of that. When forced to explain himself, Jordan took the opportunity to open up to Becca about his parents’ relationship – a touching moment that humanized Jordan for the first time in five weeks. Becca decided to send David home and continue her date with Jordan, and the pair settled in for a conversation over dinner. Unfortunately for Jordan, he couldn’t stop talking about his modeling career, and Becca quickly sensed that he cares about skincare and his portfolio more than he cares about her. We’ll miss you, Jordan. Here are some of his memorable lines from Week 5: “David can’t control my realness.” “She looks like a snack.” “I could probably move every part of my face.” “I wish we could get my portfolio out.” “I can speak, I can walk, I’m fit.” 11. Lincoln Last week: 18 Lincoln had a quiet episode and survived another week, but his musical performance may have been the worst of a very bad bunch. 12. David (eliminated) Last week: 15 David, who hadn’t spent much quality time with Becca since showing up to the mansion in a chicken suit, puzzlingly said he felt “great about where we are” before he immediately went on the offensive against Jordan. What he said may or may not have been true, we’ll never know, but he failed to use the time to connect with Becca (again) and was consequently left in the desert where he belongs. 14. Chris Last week: 7 After singing in Spanish and joking about Arie in the musical challenge, Chris proved himself to be an entitled, cocky brat with the maturity of a seventh-grader. Chris assumed that Becca would select him to be the last man to receive one-on-one time following the group date, only to be stunned when Becca called it a night before they ever spoke. He openly considered quitting the show on the spot, and would later argue that his decision to stick around was evidence of his deep commitment. When Becca approached Chris prior to the Rose Ceremony to ask why he wanted to leave, he awkwardly launched the conversation by telling Becca she owes him “50,000 kisses” for not speaking to him after the group date. I think you owe me, like, 50,000 kisses right now me: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm#TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/FFcbOaa783 — Derek Peth (@PethDerek) June 26, 2018 In what felt like the first legitimate, back-and-forth fight of the show, Becca rationally explained that she didn’t feel Chris made an effort to see her, and that she wanted to be in a 50/50 relationship. His response was dumbfounding: “I don’t think you realize how much I like you….. I’m like… looking at you right now.” Realizing that he was likely to be eliminated, Chris tried to save himself by barging in on Wills’ 1-on-1 time, only to be evicted from his spot two minutes later. Despite all of this, Becca gave Chris the final rose of the episode over John.<doc-sep>Becca’s date has the look of a West Elm catalogue (lonely cabana in the middle of the desert) and the drama of middle school score-settling. We go into this date expecting this season’s villain (Jordan) to get sent home. He’s far more of a distraction than this season’s gag (David, who showed up on the first night wearing a chicken suit). But then David makes the stupidest mistake a contestant can make: He tattles on the other guy, telling Becca that Jordan had been walking through Vegas casinos, pointing out all the women who wanted to hook up with him. Jordan talks about Becca as if he’d “settle” for her, David says. This is quite an insult for a woman who was called the “safe” choice the last time she was on this show and ended up getting dumped.<doc-sep>The fun part of The Bachelorette is officially over. In case you needed confirmation of this, Monday night’s episode took place in Las Vegas, a city where people go to do fun things, and next Monday’s episode will be in Richmond, Virginia, a place where people go to, I don’t know, form governments for unsuccessful splinter states? But outside of the episode locales, the plotline of the season is also trending toward the un-fun. I genuinely think the first three episodes of this season were my favorite run of episodes to open a Bachelor/Bachelorette season ever. They were defined by the comically poor choices of men who stood no chance at winning the show: Connor, who got so upset by his loss in an obstacle course race that he hurled a framed picture into a pool; Clay, the NFL player who injured himself playing in a game of Bachelorette football against software engineers and venture capitalists and may have endangered his career; and, of course, Jordan and David, who were locked in a war to convince the viewing audience that the other’s clothing choices were dumber. (For some reason, David thought that repeatedly bringing up the fact that the girl he was trying to date had bought his rival special underwear was a great zing.) But the roster of enjoyable unwinnables is thinning. Monday night, Jordan and David went on a two-on-one date in the middle of the Nevada desert. Normally, this means that by the end of the episode one of the two will be sent home, so David focused all his attention on knocking Jordan out of the game. For the second time this season, he said that Jordan had been bragging that other women were interested in him, and that Jordan implied he would be “settling” for Becca. Jordan fervently denied this claim, repeatedly asserting that saying one might “settle for” a woman is the worst thing anybody could say to her. (Jordan has apparently never been on Twitter.) Instead of buying David’s claim, Becca decides that David cares less about her than he does about getting Jordan eliminated, and kicks him off the show, stranding him in the desert without a ride. This was heartening—Jordan, while cast as the villain, is actually one of the most entertaining contestants the show has had in years. David was a sniveling narc who dedicated his time on the show to policing the sanctity of a competition to which he showed up in a chicken costume. With David gone, Jordan got to go on a solo date with Becca. While she had previously seemed entertained by Jordan’s playfulness, her eyes glazed over as he delivered a manifesto on his very strict beauty regimen. Jordan might have been entertaining, but he didn’t provide much of a romantic connection, so Becca eliminated him as well, forcing her to watch a previously planned fireworks show all by herself. I wanted Jordan to make it through because he’s the best part of the show. Every week, his quotes got better and better. (This week: “I have different things I can do with my face.” “Being handsome is great, but being handsome doesn’t get the job done: It’s all about skin care, hair care, clothing, and what to wear for occasions.” And a completely unironic, “She looks like a snack.”) But Becca has decided that her quest for love is more important than letting the most entertaining contestants hang around. Hypothetically, the point of the show is romance-related (though we’re all really watching for the foolish high jinks of dumb men). But this is the part where the show gets duller, and that dullness will be compounded by Becca, who was chosen for this role due to her story line rather than her personality. The last few Bachelorettes have all been preposterously charismatic; Becca wasn’t even the most charismatic contestant whose name was pronounced “be-ka” on her season of The Bachelor. But her engagement with Arie ended with a brutal, nationally televised dumping, perhaps the most stunning thing ever seen on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, so she’s here—and, less than halfway into her own season, she’s already starting to treat every misstep from her suitors like it’s evidence they could be Arie 2.0. Becca, for her part, deserves to give her potential partners a lot of scrutiny after her traumatic breakup. But that doesn’t mean it will be fun to watch. Least Romantic Moment: Wayne Newton Oddly, there wasn’t a whole lot of Vegas glitz and glamor in this episode. Jordan and David literally sat in the desert, and Colton’s one-on-one date involved riding camels. I guess Vegas’s tourism board is trying to emphasize the “physically uncomfortable outdoor activities” segment of the city’s economy. The group date, however, paid a visit to the mansion of Mr. Las Vegas himself—Wayne Newton! (Well, legally, it’s not his mansion—he sold it a few years ago, because he was broke, because did you see how many horses and private planes he bought? But he’s allowed to live there, an added perk for visitors who pay to see what is now a Newton-themed museum.) There, Newton commissioned the contestants to write song lyrics about Becca, to the tune of his song “Danke Schoen,” a song you probably know best when lip-synced by Matthew Broderick. It seems unfair that Newton would force everybody else to do on-the-spot songwriting to that tune since Newton himself didn’t even write it, but when you get shuttled en masse to Wayne Newton’s former house, you have to do what he says. To demonstrate how love and music are intertwined, the septuagenarian sang the chorus—then asked his wife to come into the room, and sang the song again to her. He asked everybody to notice the additional passion and glow that he sang with when singing to his wife. The point didn’t exactly get across—the only glow I noticed was from the Presidential Orange hue of Newton’s face. Every second Newton was on screen viscerally upset me. Most Dramatic: Chris Chris was emboldened by the songwriting group date—after all, he’d just gone on another songwriting date two episodes ago. Richard Marx—[a Bachelorette producer zaps me with a taser]—sorry, Grammy-winning singer/songwriter Richard Marx already gave Chris one-on-one instructions on how to put his feelings about Becca to music, so he knew he was going to do a great job. I can’t remember a time the show doubled up on a date premise so blatantly and so quickly—hopefully this means we’ll get another date where Lil Jon tells people to smash stuff with hammers again soon too. Chris thought he did so well with his songwriting and singing early on in the evening that he decided he didn’t need to talk to Becca for the rest of the group date. Unfortunately, she chose to give her rose to one of the men who actually did speak to her privately in addition to writing her song lyrics at Wayne Newton’s behest. After this snub, Chris got upset, threatening to leave the show. When Becca found out about this, she began to wonder if his interest in her was genuine—after all, he was willing to give her up rather easily. To prove that he was serious about Becca, Chris decided that he needed to talk to her again. And to prove that he was willing to fight for her, he refused to stand down when it turned out she was already talking to Wills, another contestant. Wills agreed to cede time to Chris and stepped aside for “two minutes” (by my count: 39 seconds) before returning to tell Chris his time was up. Chris attempted to beg Wills for more time, saying his own conversation was “legitimately serious,” implying that Wills’s wasn’t. When Wills refused to give Chris more time, Chris fussily exited, saying it was “unreal” and again threatening to leave. So, in summary, Chris: Believed his songwriting performance was so incredible that it instantly vaulted him ahead of all the other contestants Believed that his lack of a rose after the songwriting performance was evidence he needed to leave<doc-sep>
Happy Monday, Bachelor Nation. We’re back with another week of Becca Kufrin‘s season of The Bachelorette — read on for everything that goes down. ONE-ON-ONE WITH COLTON This week’s one-on-one date goes to Colton. Colton is relieved that the whole Tia situation is finally behind them, but now they have another hurdle to cross. “I think the hardest conversation that I’m going to have to have with her is going to be when it comes to personal relationships,” says Colton. “I haven’t taken a lot of risks. I don’t have the experience.” If you aren’t reading between the lines, don’t worry. ABC spells it out pretty clearly. bachelorette-1 Credit: ABC Becca and Colton spend the day riding camels out in the desert, which apparently is a thing you can do in Vegas? Colton is visibly annoyed that his camel refuses to stroll peacefully alongside Becca’s, but she makes it up to him by straddling him in a hot tub later that afternoon. “The chemistry with Colton is good,” says Becca. “I like it. I like him. A lot.” Colton tells Becca about his previous relationship and we’re like, pretty sure he’s talking about Aly Raisman. “I said ‘I love you’ in the beginning, very quick,” he reveals. “And I didn’t get it back. I think that’s why for me, being in love, it has confusion and pain associated with it.” Colton talks about heartbreak like he’s the only person to have ever experienced it. For some reason, Becca — who, you know, got brutally dumped on national television for the entire world to see — is way too sympathetic. “Knowing that Colton associates the word ‘pain’ with ‘love’ kills me,” she says. They make out some more and she happily offers him a rose. “I feel sure of who he is and I really do trust him,” she says. “Just seeing him smile makes my heart happy.” Still no word on when he’s going to drop the I’m-a-virgin bomb. GROUP DATE Becca decides to give Wills, Garrett, Blake, John, Connor, Leo, Lincoln and Jason the “total Vegas experience” by bringing them to Wayne Newton’s house and forcing them to write a song about her to the tune of “Danke Schoen.” Lincoln thinks danke schoen means “love of my life.” This is the same guy who thinks the earth is flat. Le sigh. BECCA KUFRIN, BLAKE Becca and Blake | Credit: Paul Hebert/ABC GARRETT, BECCA. KUFRIN Becca and Garrett | Credit: Paul Hebert/ABC The boys then perform their songs in front of a live audience. It’s an absolute train wreck across the board except for Chris, who does a semi-decent job and automatically assumes it’s going to earn him the group date rose. Chris is clearly delusional and has no idea he’s miles behind Garrett and Blake, our two main frontrunners. “After today, I’m ranked as one of the top frontrunners,” he says. “So tonight I don’t have to worry about anything.” BECCA KUFRIN Becca | Credit: Paul Hebert/ABC CHRIS R. Chris | Credit: Paul Hebert/ABC Chris, sweetie. Becca just said she’s falling in love with Blake. You guys aren’t even operating in the same realm. But because he’s on some weird power trip, he makes no effort to steal some time with her during the cocktail party that evening. Well, you snooze, you lose: Becca gives the group date rose to Blake. Chris is completely shook and threatens to pack his bags and leave that night. RELATED VIDEO: Becca Kufrin Walks Off Bachelorette Date After Contestant Admits He Lied About ‘Falling’ for Her TWO-ON-ONE WITH DAVID AND JORDAN Of course this season’s two-on-one date goes to David and Jordan, who have been at odds since night one. Poor Becca thinks two-on-ones just get “a bad rap” and is hoping they’re going to have a fun, harmless day exploring the desert. Does she even watch the show? bachelorette-6 From left: Jordan, David, Becca | Credit: ABC She sits down with David first. In “the spirit of being honest,” David begins trash-talking his opponent immediately, claiming Jordan is constantly talking about all these models he wants to hook up with, even going so far as to say that Jordan feels like he would be “settling” with Becca. She immediately confronts Jordan about this, who fiercely denies it all. In an effort to prove what a loyal partner he can be, Jordan opens up about his mother’s battle with “multiple mental illnesses” and the hardships his family faced while he was growing up.