Remember that time we dreamt that Jude Law was the Pope and the Pope was a shady dude named Lenny who smoked and strode around like a regal elderly drag queen and threw shade at Diane Keaton for some reason and was also hot as balls? And we were all like, "Yes, this makes sense. I will watch every episode?" Well, it's happening again. BACKGRID JUDE! Law returns to a constant loop on my television in the role of Pope Thirstus the Sexth in the forthcoming HBO series The New Pope, sequel to The Young Pope. Judging from the adjectives, it seems like the Pope is Benjamin Buttoning. What follows New? The Embryo Pope? The Idea of a Pope? What Pope? Frankly anything is possible. However, as the descriptors continue to roll backwards, Jude Law as Thirst Pope continues to age like the finest communion wine this side of the Sea of Galilee. Photographers caught the icon sending a message to me specifically as he strutted around a beach in Venice wearing the holiest of garments: a white Speedo. BACKGRID Thirst Pope is serving Body-Oddy-Oddy of Christ here. Walking around looking like a whole Lunchable. I'm undone! This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. Call me Sister Mary Clarence because Thirst Pope has me contemplating some bad habits. Look, I'm not trying to get myself Vaticancelled but you have to admit that Thirst Pope did not come to play. Showing up in the confessional looking like an Aussiebum ad. Forgive me, Zaddy, but I have some questions. What is the plot of The New Pope? Who cares. It co-stars John Malkovich and features Jude Law exploring his low-level thiccness journey wearing less clothing than a painting of St. Sebastian. Do you need more information or do you just want to set your DVR, turn your phone to Do Not Disturb, and pour a glass of rosé? This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. The 46-year-old Law has expertly carved out a niche for himself playing revered authority figures who definitely bang. A comfortable, form-fitting, well-defined, snug niche. He's the Pope Who Bangs. He's Dumbledore Who Bangs. He's Dr. Watson Who Bangs. Frankly when Jude Law shows up on screen and he's not banging I immediately get stressed out. I enjoyed Captain Marvel very much but after the screening I ran up to the concessions stand in a panic, demanding to know if everything was okay with Jude Law. "The movie had the Bang Pope and yet he does not bang! Please explain. Is his little bishop feeling okay? Did he damage his Infinity Stones? Am I being clear enough here?" I am not allowed back into the movie theater and it is all the Thirst Pope's fault. This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. How lucky are we to live in this, the golden age of Thirst-tertainment. I must admit, I am still not 100% certain that The Young/New Pope franchise actually exists and is not just a series of images targeted specifically to me, Minority Report-style. Either way, I'm fine with it. Thirst Pope can keep these Heavenly pictures coming forever and ever. Amen! Get Eric Reads the News in your inbox! Sign up for ELLE.com's newsletter to receive exclusive content every Friday. SUBSCRIBE R. Eric Thomas R Eric Thomas is a Senior Staff Writer at ELLE.com, home of his daily humor column "Eric Reads the News," which skewers politics, pop culture, celebrity shade, and schadenfreude. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io<doc-sep>Actor Jude Law ~made waves~ on Tuesday when photos of him filming scenes from the upcoming HBO limited series, The New Pope, surfaced online. The series is a follow-up to 2016's The Young Pope, which starred Law as the sovereign of the Vatican City State. Law's Pope Pius XIII, born Lenny Belardo, is a deeply conservative character on the show, but it seems — at least in these stills — that he's relaxed a bit. In one image, Law's character walks a plank, surrounding by a group of women tossing volleyballs. What is happening, you ask? I have no idea!<doc-sep>Image : Backgrid What I know about The Young Pope is as follows: there’s a pope; he’s young; he drinks Cherry Coke Zero; and in the beginning of the show, there is a small, naked baby that crawls atop a pile of babies and somehow, in the end, Jude Law emerges. None of this information explains this photo. Advertisement Here is Jude Law—the titular Pope—strolling down a catwalk flanked by women in bathing suits, holding volleyballs, in a tiny pair of underpants that display his Young Pope in all its papal glory. The bod is lightly furred and buff. The abs are chiseled, such that they form a version of the God’s Eye craft that one might have made in kindergarten, rendered not in acrylic yarn, but in flesh. He’s an attractive man to many people, as evidenced by his long-lasting career in Hollywood, but is he so attractive as to inspire the overwhelming and unnecessarily horny thirst that I have seen throughout this cursed Tuesday? No. I’m sorry. He’s not. Image : Backgrid Up close, I see a man in excellent physical shape whose body is compact and squat. He is attractive because we have been conditioned to accept this kind of body as attractive; I wouldn’t kick him out of bed, but I also wouldn’t necessarily break my back to get him in there, either. Should I be so lucky to fuck the Young Pope? Probably not, with this attitude! But the circus surrounding the internet’s vast, unslakable thirst for literally anything, from Noah Centineo to this unholy video of a butternut squash, is tiresome and further proves the nascent theory that not a single soul out there understands what it means to be horny. Performing thirst over a picture of a man who is conventionally attractive and also paid to be as such is boring. Be thirsty for a fire hydrant that looks at you sideways. Rev your engine for the barista at your coffee place who now gives you free things because you smiled one day when you were in a good mood. Be horny for whatever you want, but I ask you, dial it back for the Famouses. Save your sexual energy for those who might be able to do something nasty with it in return.<doc-sep>
Despite barely recovering from the fit priest in Fleabag, Jude Law is here to get us hot under the Clerical collar thanks to his teeny-weeny white speedos on the set of The New Pope. Good Lord. There are going to be a lot of confessionals going on tonight, after photos from the set of Jude's latest show, a continuation of 2016 HBO series The Young Pope, emerged online. BACKGRID In them, the actor is seen wearing blindingly white (site note: how pure and holy) swimming pants, strolling down a catwalk flanked by women in bathing suits and holding volleyballs. Forgive me father, for I have sinned. The more we look, the more we can't stop staring. The pecks. The abs. THE PAPAL PANTS. BACKGRID The Vatican needs to be renamed the Thirst Trap-ican (catchy) at this rate, because people on Twitter are living for Jude's photos. One person wrote, "Jude Law's new photos from filming 'The New Pope' are a blessing", while another added, "Let us applaud these sacred photos of Jude Law at the beach." Me scrolling through the Mail Online and seeing those Jude Law photos pic.twitter.com/imC8jtamFw — James Delamare (@JamesDelamare) April 9, 2019 lord these jude law speedo pics i... pic.twitter.com/eZ3s76sSQ8 — matt ford (@JMatthiasFord) April 9, 2019 Just seen photographs of Jude Law on the beach and I almost died — Matthew (@hellomatthieu) April 9, 2019 The New Pope follows up The Young Pope, where he starred as the role of Lenny Belardo, later Pope Pius XIII, Archbishop of New York. Not that you care. You're just here for the pics of the pants. BACKGRID WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED. Dusty Baxter-Wright Senior Entertainment & Lifestyle Writer Dusty Baxter-Wright is Cosmopolitan's Senior Entertainment and Lifestyle Writer, covering celebrities, movies, TV and books as well as travel, interiors, food and drink on a daily basis.