--And how does your mistress? cried my father, taking the same step over again from the landing, and calling to _Susannah_, whom he saw passing by the foot of the stairs with a huge pincushion in her hand--how does your mistress? As well, said _Susannah_, tripping by, but without looking up, as can be expected. --What a fool am I! said my father, drawing his leg back again--let things be as they will, brother _Toby_, 'tis ever the precise answer ----And how is the child, pray? ----No answer. And where is Dr. _Slop?_ added my father, raising his voice aloud, and looking over the ballusters--_Susannah_ was out of hearing.
Of all the riddles of a married life, said my father, crossing the landing in order to set his back against the wall, whilst he propounded it to my uncle _Toby_----of all the puzzling riddles, said he, in a marriage state, ----of which you may trust me, brother _Toby_, there are more asses loads than all _Job's_ stock of asses could have carried----there is not one that has more intricacies in it than this--that from the very moment the mistress of the house is brought to bed, every female in it, from my lady's gentlewoman down to the cinder-wench, becomes an inch taller for it; and give themselves more airs upon that single inch, than all their other inches put together.
I think rather, replied my uncle _Toby_, that 'tis we who sink an inch lower. --If I meet but a woman with child --I do it. --'Tis a heavy tax upon that half of our fellow-creatures, brother _Shandy_, said my uncle _Toby_--'Tis a piteous burden upon 'em, continued he, shaking his head --Yes, yes, 'tis a painful thing--said my father, shaking his head too----but certainly since shaking of heads came into fashion, never did two heads shake together, in concert, from two such different springs.
God bless } 'em all------said my uncle _Toby_ and my Deuce take } father, each to himself.
'And how does your mistress?' cried my father, calling from the landing to Susannah, whom he saw passing the foot of the stairs with a huge pincushion in her hand.
Susannah, without looking up, said, 'As well as can be expected.'
'What a fool am I!' said my father, drawing his leg back again. ''Tis ever the answer. - And how is the child, pray?' - No reply. - 'And where is Dr. Slop?' added my father, raising his voice, and looking over the banisters. - Susannah was out of hearing.
'Of all the riddles of a married life,' said my father, crossing the landing to set his back against the wall, 'of all the puzzling riddles, of which, brother Toby, there are more loads than all Job's asses could have carried - there is none more puzzling than this - that from the very moment the mistress of the house is brought to bed, every female in it, right down to the kitchen-maid, becomes an inch taller for it; and gives themselves more airs upon that single inch, than all their other inches put together.'
'I think rather,' replied my uncle Toby, 'that 'tis we who sink an inch lower. If I meet a woman with child, I do it. 'Tis a heavy tax upon that half of our fellow-creatures, brother Shandy - 'tis a piteous burden upon 'em,' continued he, shaking his head.
'Yes, yes, 'tis a painful thing,' said my father, shaking his head too - but never did two heads shake together, from two such different causes.
'God bless / Deuce take 'em all,' said my uncle Toby / and my father, each to himself.
Book 4 - Chapter 12