Now don't let us give ourselves a parcel of airs, and pretend that the oaths we make free with in this land of liberty of ours are our own; and because we have the spirit to swear them, ----imagine that we have had the wit to invent them too.
I'll undertake this moment to prove it to any man in the world, except to a connoisseur: ----though I declare I object only to a connoisseur in swearing, ----as I would do to a connoisseur in painting, &c., &c., the whole set of 'em are so hung round and _befetish'd_ with the bobs and trinkets of criticism, ----or to drop my metaphor, which by the bye is a pity, ----for I have fetch'd it as far as from the coast of _Guiney_; --their heads, Sir, are stuck so full of rules and compasses, and have that eternal propensity to apply them upon all occasions, that a work of genius had better go to the devil at once, than stand to be prick'd and tortured to death by 'em.
--And how did _Garrick_ speak the soliloquy last night? --Oh, against all rule, my lord, --most ungrammatically! betwixt the substantive and the adjective, which should agree together in _number_, _case_, and _gender_, he made a breach thus, --stopping, as if the point wanted settling; --and betwixt the nominative case, which your lordship knows should govern the verb, he suspended his voice in the epilogue a dozen times three seconds and three-fifths by a stop-watch, my lord, each time, --Admirable grammarian! ----But in suspending his voice----was the sense suspended likewise? Did no expression of attitude or countenance fill up the chasm? ----Was the eye silent? Did you narrowly look? ------I look'd only at the stop-watch, my lord. --Excellent observer!
And what of this new book the whole world makes such a rout about? ----Oh! 'tis out of all plumb, my lord, ----quite an irregular thing! --not one of the angles at the four corners was a right angle. --I had my rule and compasses, &c., my lord, in my pocket. --Excellent critick!
----And for the epick poem your lordship bid me look at----upon taking the length, breadth, height, and depth of it, and trying them at home upon an exact scale of _Bossu's_----'tis out, my lord, in every one of its dimensions. --Admirable connoisseur!
----And did you step in, to take a look at the grand picture in your way back? --'Tis a melancholy daub! my lord; not one principle of the _pyramid_ in any one group! ----and what a price! ----for there is nothing of the colouring of _Titian_--the expression of _Rubens_--the grace of _Raphael_--the purity of _Dominichino_--the _corregiescity_ of _Corregio_--the learning of _Poussin_--the airs of _Guido_--the taste of the _Carrachis_--or the grand contour of _Angela_. --Grant me patience, just Heaven! --Of all the cants which are canted in this canting world--though the cant of hypocrites may be the worst----the cant of criticism is the most tormenting!
I would go fifty miles on foot, for I have not a horse worth riding on, to kiss the hand of that man whose generous heart will give up the reins of his imagination into his author's hands----be pleased he knows not why, and cares not wherefore.
Great _Apollo!_ if thou art in a giving humour--give me --I ask no more, but one stroke of native humour, with a single spark of thy own fire along with it----and send _Mercury_, with the _rules and compasses_, if he can be spared, with my compliments to--no matter.
Now to any one else I will undertake to prove, that all the oaths and imprecations which we have been puffing off upon the world for these two hundred and fifty years last past as originals----except St. _Paul's thumb_----_God's flesh and God's fish_, which were oaths monarchical, and, considering who made them, not much amiss; and as kings' oaths, 'tis not much matter whether they were fish or flesh; --else I say, there is not an oath, or at least a curse amongst them, which has not been copied over and over again out of _Ernulphus_ a thousand times: but, like all other copies, how infinitely short of the force and spirit of the original! --It is thought to be no bad oath----and by itself passes very well-- "_G--d damn you._" --Set it beside _Ernulphus's_---- "God Almighty the Father damn you --God the Son damn you --God the Holy Ghost damn you"--you see 'tis nothing. --There is an orientality in his, we cannot rise up to: besides, he is more copious in his invention--possess'd more of the excellencies of a swearer----had such a thorough knowledge of the human frame, its membranes, nerves, ligaments, knittings of the joints, and articulations, ----that when _Ernulphus_ cursed--no part escaped him. --'Tis true there is something of a _hardness_ in his manner----and, as in _Michael Angelo_, a want of _grace_----but then there is such a greatness of _gusto!_
My father, who generally look'd upon everything in a light very different from all mankind, would, after all, never allow this to be an original. ----He considered rather, _Ernulphus's_ anathema, as an institute of swearing, in which, as he suspected, upon the decline of _swearing_ in some milder pontificate, _Ernulphus_, by order of the succeeding pope, had with great learning and diligence collected together all the laws of it; --for the same reason that _Justinian_, in the decline of the empire, had ordered his chancellor _Tribonian_ to collect the _Roman_ or civil laws all together into one code or digest----lest, through the rust of time----and the fatality of all things committed to oral tradition--they should be lost to the world for ever.
For this reason my father would oft-times affirm, there was not an oath, from the great and tremendous oath of _William_ the Conqueror (_By the splendour of God_) down to the lowest oath of a scavenger (_Damn your eyes_) which was not to be found in _Ernulphus_. --In short, he would add --I defy a man to swear _out_ of it.
The hypothesis is, like most of my father's, singular and ingenious too; ----nor have I any objection to it, but that it overturns my own.
Now don't let us give ourselves airs, and pretend that the oaths we use in this land of liberty are our own; don't imagine that because we have the spirit to swear them, we had the wit to invent them too.
I'll undertake to prove it to any man, except to a connoisseur: - though I declare I object to a connoisseur in swearing, as I would do to a connoisseur in painting, the whole set of 'em are so hung round and befetished with the trinkets of criticism, - or to drop my metaphor, which by the bye is a pity - their heads, Sir, are stuck so full of rules, which they apply upon all occasions, that a work of genius had better go to the devil at once, than stay to be pricked and tortured to death by 'em.
'And how did Garrick speak the soliloquy last night?'
'Oh, my lord, most ungrammatically! betwixt the substantive and the adjective, which should agree in number, case, and gender, he made a breach; and betwixt the nominative case, which your lordship knows should govern the verb, he paused in the epilogue a dozen times, three seconds by a stop-watch, my lord, each time!'
'But was the sense suspended also? Did no expression of face or voice fill up the chasm? Did you look?'
'I looked only at the stop-watch, my lord.'
'Excellent observer! - And what of this new book the whole world makes such a fuss about?'
'Oh! 'tis out of all plumb, my lord, - not one of the four corners was a right angle. And as for the epic poem your lordship bid me look at - upon measuring its length, breadth, height, and depth, 'tis out, my lord, in every one of its dimensions.'
'Admirable connoisseur! And did you take a look at the grand picture on your way?'
''Tis a melancholy daub, my lord! not one principle of the pyramid in any group! - and there is none of the colouring of Titian - the expression of Rubens - the grace of Raphael - or the corregiescity of Corregio.'
Grant me patience, Heaven! Of all the cants which are canted in this canting world, the cant of criticism is the most tormenting! I would walk fifty miles to kiss the hand of the man who will generously give his imagination into his author's hands, and be pleased without caring why!
Great Apollo! - give me one stroke of native humour, with a single spark of thy own fire - and send Mercury, with the rules and compasses, with my compliments to - never mind.
Now I will undertake to prove that all the oaths which we have been puffing off these last two hundred and fifty years as originals - except God's flesh and God's fish, which were oaths monarchical - I say, there is not an oath or curse amongst them, which has not been copied over and over again out of Ernulphus a thousand times: but, like all copies, how infinitely short of the force of the original!
It is thought to be no bad oath to say 'God damn you.' But set it beside Ernulphus's 'God Almighty the Father damn you - God the Son damn you - God the Holy Ghost damn you' - you see 'tis nothing. There is an orientality in his that we cannot rise up to: besides, he had such a thorough knowledge of the human frame, its membranes, nerves, ligaments, and joints, that when Ernulphus cursed, no part escaped him.
- 'Tis true there is something of a hardness in his manner - and, as in Michael Angelo, a lack of grace - but then there is such gusto!
My father considered Ernulphus's work as an institute of swearing. He suspected that Ernulphus, by order of the pope, had with great learning and diligence collected together all the laws of it; for the same reason that the emperor Justinian ordered his chancellor to collect the Roman laws together - lest, through the rust of time, and the fatality of all things committed to oral tradition, they should be lost to the world for ever.
For this reason my father would often affirm that there was not an oath, from the great and tremendous oath of William the Conqueror ('By the splendour of God') down to the lowest oath of a scavenger ('Damn your eyes') which was not to be found in Ernulphus. In short, he would add - 'I defy a man to swear out of it.'
The hypothesis is, like most of my father's, singular and ingenious; nor have I any objection to it, except that it overturns my own.
Book 3 - Chapter 12