Your honour, said _Trim_, shutting the parlour-door before he began to speak, has heard, I imagine, of this unlucky accident ----O yes, _Trim_, said my uncle _Toby_, and it gives me great concern. --I am heartily concerned too, but I hope your honour, replied _Trim_, will do me the justice to believe, that it was not in the least owing to me. ----To thee--_Trim?_ --cried my uncle _Toby_, looking kindly in his face------'twas _Susannah's_ and the curate's folly betwixt them. ------What business could they have together, an' please your honour, in the garden? ----In the gallery thou meanest, replied my uncle _Toby_.
_Trim_ found he was upon a wrong scent, and stopped short with a low bow ----Two misfortunes, quoth the corporal to himself, are twice as many at least as are needful to be talked over at one time; ----the mischief the cow has done in breaking into the fortifications, may be told his honour hereafter. ----_Trim's_ casuistry and address, under the cover of his low bow, prevented all suspicion in my uncle _Toby_, so he went on with what he had to say to _Trim_ as follows:
------For my own part, _Trim_, though I can see little or no difference betwixt my nephew's being called _Tristram_ or _Trismegistus_--yet as the thing sits so near my brother's heart, _Trim_ ------I would freely have given a hundred pounds rather than it should have happened. ----A hundred pounds, an' please your honour! replied _Trim_, ----I would not give a cherry-stone to boot. ----Nor would I, _Trim_, upon my own account, quoth my uncle _Toby_, --------but my brother, whom there is no arguing with in this case--maintains that a great deal more depends, _Trim_, upon christian-names, than what ignorant people imagine----for he says there never was a great or heroic action performed since the world began by one called _Tristram_--nay, he will have it, _Trim_, that a man can neither be learned, or wise, or brave. ----'Tis all fancy, an' please your honour --I fought just as well, replied the corporal, when the regiment called me _Trim_, as when they called me _James Butler_. ----And for my own part, said my uncle _Toby_, though I should blush to boast of myself, _Trim_----yet had my name been _Alexander_, I could have done no more at _Namur_ than my duty. --Bless your honour! cried _Trim_, advancing three steps as he spoke, does a man think of his christian-name when he goes upon the attack? ------Or when he stands in the trench, _Trim?_ cried my uncle _Toby_, looking firm. ----Or when he enters a breach? said _Trim_, pushing in between two chairs. ----Or forces the lines? cried my uncle, rising up, and pushing his crutch like a pike. ----Or facing a platoon? cried _Trim_, presenting his stick like a fire-lock. ----Or when he marches up the glacis? cried my uncle _Toby_, looking warm and setting his foot upon his stool.------
'Your honour,' said Trim, shutting the parlour-door, 'has heard, I imagine, of the unlucky accident?'
'O yes, Trim,' said my uncle Toby, 'and it gives me great concern.'
'I am heartily concerned too,' replied Trim, 'but I hope your honour will believe that it was not in the least owing to me.'
'To thee, Trim?' cried my uncle Toby kindly. ''Twas Susannah's and the curate's folly betwixt them.'
'What business could they have together in the garden?'
'In the gallery, thou meanest,' replied my uncle.
Trim found he was upon a wrong scent, and stopped short. Two misfortunes, quoth he to himself, are twice as many as are needed now; - the mischief the cow has done in breaking into the fortifications, may be told to his honour later.
My uncle Toby, free of all suspicion, went on:
'For my own part, Trim, I can see little difference betwixt my nephew's being called Tristram or Trismegistus - though as it sits so near my brother's heart, I would have given a hundred pounds for it not to have happened.'
'A hundred pounds, your honour!' replied Trim. 'I would not give a cherry-stone.'
'Nor would I, Trim, upon my own account; but my brother, whom there is no arguing with in this case, maintains that a great deal depends upon christian-names - and he says there never was an heroic action performed by one called Tristram. He holds that a Tristram cannot be learned, wise, or brave.'
''Tis all fancy, your honour - I fought just as well,' replied the corporal, 'when the regiment called me Trim, as when they called me James Butler.'
'For my own part,' said my uncle Toby, 'though I should blush to boast, Trim - yet had my name been Alexander, I could have done no more at Namur than my duty.'
'Bless your honour!' cried Trim, 'does a man think of his christian-name when he goes upon the attack?'
'Or when he stands in the trench, Trim?' cried my uncle.
'Or when he enters a breach?' said Trim, pushing between two chairs.
'Or forces the lines?' said my uncle, rising up.
'Or faces a platoon?' cried Trim, raising his stick.
'Or when he marches up the glacis?' cried my uncle Toby warmly, as he set his foot upon the stool.
Book 4 - Chapter 18