As I perceived the commissary of the post-office would have his six livres four sous, I had nothing else for it, but to say some smart thing upon the occasion, worth the money:
And so I set off thus:----
----And pray, Mr. Commissary, by what law of courtesy is a defenceless stranger to be used just the reverse from what you use a _Frenchman_ in this matter?
By no means; said he.
Excuse me; said I--for you have begun, Sir, with first tearing off my breeches--and now you want my pocket----
Whereas--had you first taken my pocket, as you do with your own people--and then left me bare a--'d after --I had been a beast to have complain'd----
As it is----
----'Tis contrary to the _law of nature_.
----'Tis contrary to _reason_.
----'Tis contrary to the GOSPEL.
But not to this----said he--putting a printed paper into my hand,
PAR LE ROY.
------'Tis a pithy prolegomenon, quoth I--and so read on ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- --------
----By all which it appears, quoth I, having read it over, a little too rapidly, that if a man sets out in a post-chaise from _Paris_--he must go on travelling in one, all the days of his life--or pay for it. --Excuse me, said the commissary, the spirit of the ordinance is this --That if you set out with an intention of running post from _Paris_ to _Avignon_, &c., you shall not change that intention or mode of travelling, without first satisfying the fermiers for two posts further than the place you repent at--and 'tis founded, continued he, upon this, that the REVENUES are not to fall short through your _fickleness_----
----O by heavens! cried I--if fickleness is taxable in _France_--we have nothing to do but to make the best peace with you we can----
AND SO THE PEACE WAS MADE;
----And if it is a bad one--as _Tristram Shandy_ laid the corner-stone of it--nobody but _Tristram Shandy_ ought to be hanged.
As I perceived the messenger would have his six livres four sous, I had nothing else for it, but to say some smart thing worth the money:
And so I set off thus:
'Pray, sir, why is a defenceless stranger to be used just the reverse from how you use a Frenchman in this matter?'
'By no means,' said he.
'Excuse me,' said I; 'for you have begun by tearing off my breeches - and now you want my pocket. Whereas - if you had first taken my pocket, as you do with your own people - and then left me bare a__'d, - I would have been a beast to have complained.
'As it is- ''tis contrary to the law of nature.
''Tis contrary to reason.
''Tis contrary to the Gospel.'
'But not to this,' said he, putting a printed paper into my hand:
PAR LE ROY.
------''Tis a pithy beginning,' quoth I; and so read on
---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----
'By which it appears,' quoth I, having read it over a little too rapidly, 'that if a man sets out in a post-chaise from Paris - he must go on travelling in one, all the days of his life - or pay for it.'
'Excuse me,' said he, 'it means this: that if you set out with an intention of going post from Paris to Avignon, you shall not change that intention or mode of travelling, without first satisfying the fermiers for two posts further than the place you repent at. The Revenues are not to fall short through your fickleness.'
'O, by heavens!' cried I, 'if fickleness is taxable in France - we have nothing to do but to make the best peace with you we can-'
And so the Peace was made-
And if it is a bad one - as Tristram Shandy laid the corner-stone of it, nobody but Tristram Shandy ought to be hanged.
Book 7 - Chapter 35