----But it is an indubitable verity, continued I, addressing myself to the commissary, changing only the form of my asseveration----that I owe the king of _France_ nothing but my good-will; for he is a very honest man, and I wish him all health and pastime in the world----
_Pardonnez moi_--replied the commissary, you are indebted to him six livres four sous, for the next post from hence to St. _Fons_, in your route to _Avignon_--which being a post royal, you pay double for the horses and postillion--otherwise 'twould have amounted to no more than three livres two sous----
----But I don't go by land; said I.
----You may if you please; replied the commissary----
Your most obedient servant----said I, making him a low bow----
The commissary, with all the sincerity of grave good breeding--made me one, as low again. ----I never was more disconcerted with a bow in my life.
----The devil take the serious character of these people! quoth I--(aside) they understand no more of IRONY than this----
The comparison was standing close by with his panniers--but something seal'd up my lips --I could not pronounce the name--
Sir, said I, collecting myself--it is not my intention to take post----
--But you may--said he, persisting in his first reply--you may take post if you chuse----
--And I may take salt to my pickled herring, said I, if I chuse----
--But I do not chuse--
--But you must pay for it, whether you do or no.
Aye! for the salt; said I (I know)----
--And for the post too; added he. Defend me! cried I----
I travel by water --I am going down the _Rhne_ this very afternoon--my baggage is in the boat--and I have actually paid nine livres for my passage----
_C'est tout egal_--'tis all one; said he.
_Bon Dieu!_ what, pay for the way I go! and for the way I do _not_ go!
----_C'est tout egal_; replied the commissary----
----The devil it is! said I--but I will go to ten thousand Bastiles first----
_O England! England!_ thou land of liberty, and climate of good sense, thou tenderest of mothers--and gentlest of nurses, cried I, kneeling upon one knee, as I was beginning my apostrophe.
When the director of Madam _Le Blanc's_ conscience coming in at that instant, and seeing a person in black, with a face as pale as ashes, at his devotions--looking still paler by the contrast and distress of his drapery--ask'd, if I stood in want of the aids of the church----
I go by WATER--said I--and here's another will be for making me pay for going by OIL.
'But it is true,' continued I, 'that I owe the king of France nothing but my good-will.'
'Pardonnez moi,' replied the messenger, 'you owe him six livres four sous, for the next post-stage from here to St. Fons, in your route to Avignon. Since it is a post royal, you pay double for the horses and postillion - otherwise 'twould have been three livres two sous.'
'But I don't go by land,' said I.
'You may if you please,' replied he.
'Your most obedient servant,' said I, making him a bow - he bowed as low in return. - I was never more disconcerted with a bow in my life.
'The devil take the serious character of these people!' quoth I (aside). 'They understand no more of Irony than this-'
The comparison was standing close by with his panniers - but I could not say his name.
'Sir,' said I, collecting myself, 'it is not my intention to take the post-stage.'
'But you may,' said he, 'if you choose.'
'And I may take salt on my pickled herring,' said I, 'if I choose - but I do not choose.'
'But you must pay for the post-stage, whether you do or no.'
'Defend me!' I cried. 'I travel by water - I am going down the Rhne this very afternoon - my baggage is in the boat - and I have actually paid nine livres for my passage.'
''Tis all one,' said he.
'Mon Dieu! what, pay for the way I go! and for the way I do not go!'
''Tis all one.'
'The devil it is!' said I - 'but I will go to ten thousand Bastilles first - O England! England! thou land of liberty and good sense, thou tenderest of mothers and gentlest of nurses,' cried I, falling upon one knee.
The priest coming in at that instant, and seeing a person in black, kneeling, with a face as pale as ashes, asked if I needed the aid of the church-
'I go by Water,' said I; '-and here's another wants to make me pay for going by Oil.'
Book 7 - Chapter 34