----In three words, ----"My mother was to lay in, (if she chose it) in _London_."
But in order to put a stop to the practice of any unfair play on the part of my mother, which a marriage-article of this nature too manifestly opened a door to, and which indeed had never been thought of at all, but for my uncle _Toby Shandy_; --a clause was added in security of my father, which was this: --"That in case my mother hereafter should, at any time, put my father to the trouble and expence of a _London_ journey, upon false cries and tokens; ----that for every such instance, she should forfeit all the right and title which the covenant gave her to the next turn; ----but to no more, --and so on, _toties quoties_, in as effectual a manner, as if such a covenant betwixt them had not been made." --This, by the way, was no more than what was reasonable; --and yet, as reasonable as it was, I have ever thought it hard that the whole weight of the article should have fallen entirely, as it did, upon myself.
But I was begot and born to misfortunes: --for my poor mother, whether it was wind or water--or a compound of both, --or neither; --or whether it was simply the mere swell of imagination and fancy in her; --or how far a strong wish and desire to have it so, might mislead her judgment: --in short, whether she was deceived or deceiving in this matter, it no way becomes me to decide. The fact was this, That in the latter end of _September_ 1717, which was the year before I was born, my mother having carried my father up to town much against the grain, --he peremptorily insisted upon the clause; --so that I was doom'd, by marriage-articles, to have my nose squeez'd as flat to my face, as if the destinies had actually spun me without one.
How this event came about, --and what a train of vexatious disappointments, in one stage or other of my life, have pursued me from the mere loss, or rather compression, of this one single member, --shall be laid before the reader all in due time.
In three words, 'My mother was to lay in, (if she chose) in London.'
But in order to put a stop to any unfair play on my mother's part, which a marriage-article of this nature opened a door to - and which indeed would not have been thought of, but for my uncle Toby Shandy - the following clause was added:
'That in case my mother should, at any time, put my father to the trouble and expense of a London journey, upon false cries and tokens; - for every such instance, she should forfeit all the rights which the covenant gave her on the next such occasion.'
This was only reasonable; - and yet, I have always thought it hard that the whole weight of the article should have fallen entirely, as it did, upon myself.
But I was born to misfortunes: for my poor mother, whether it was wind or water, or simply the swell of imagination in her; - or how far a strong desire to be with child might mislead her judgment: - in short, whether she was deceived or deceiving in this matter, is not for me to decide.
The fact was this: that in late September 1717, the year before I was born, my mother carried my father up to town much against the grain: when no child appeared, he insisted upon the extra clause; so that I was doomed, by marriage-articles, to have my nose squeezed flat to my face.
How this event came about, and what a train of disappointments has pursued me through my life from the compression of this single member, - shall be laid before the reader all in due time.