At last the life she led reached the point when it seemed she could bear it no longer, that she must seek and find a change somehow, or her heart and head would fail under the pressure which strained them. She longed to leave Briarfield, to go to some very distant place. She longed for something else--the deep, secret, anxious yearning to discover and know her mother strengthened daily; but with the desire was coupled a doubt, a dread--if she knew her, could she love her? There was cause for hesitation, for apprehension on this point. Never in her life had she heard that mother praised; whoever mentioned her mentioned her coolly. Her uncle seemed to regard his sister-in-law with a sort of tacit antipathy; an old servant, who had lived with Mrs. James Helstone for a short time after her marriage, whenever she referred to her former mistress, spoke with chilling reserve--sometimes she called her "queer," sometimes she said she did not understand her. These expressions were ice to the daughter's heart; they suggested the conclusion that it was perhaps better never to know her parent than to know her and not like her.
But one project could she frame whose execution seemed likely to bring her a hope of relief: it was to take a situation, to be a governess; she could do nothing else. A little incident brought her to the point, when she found courage to break her design to her uncle.

At last she reached the point when it seemed she could bear her life no longer, that she must find a change somehow, or her heart and head would fail under the pressure. She longed to leave Briarfield, to go to some very distant place.
She longed for something else too: the deep, secret, anxious yearning to find and know her mother strengthened daily; but with the desire came doubt - if she knew her mother, would she love her? She had never heard that mother praised. Her uncle seemed to regard her with antipathy; an old servant, who had lived with Mrs. James Helstone for a short time after her marriage, spoke of her with chilling reserve, and said she did not understand her. These expressions were ice to the daughter's heart.
But one plan seemed likely to bring her hope of relief. It was to take a situation as a governess; she could do nothing else. Eventually she found courage to speak of it to her uncle.
