I knew no way of killing him there, but I did, I did kill him in my thoughts."
She sank into silence for a minute, submerged by the weight of memory which no words could represent.
"But yet, all the while I felt that I was getting more wicked. And what had been with me so much, came to me just then--what you once said--about dreading to increase my wrong-doing and my remorse--I should hope for nothing then. It was all like a writing of fire within me. Getting wicked was misery--being shut out forever from knowing what you--what better lives were. That had always been coming back to me then--but yet with a despair--a feeling that it was no use--evil wishes were too strong. I remember then letting go the tiller and saying 'God help me!' But then I was forced to take it again and go on; and the evil longings, the evil prayers came again and blotted everything else dim, till, in the midst of them--I don't know how it was--he was turning the sail--there was a gust--he was struck--I know nothing--I only know that I saw my wish outside me."
She began to speak more hurriedly, and in more of a whisper.

I knew no way of killing him there, but I did, I did kill him in my thoughts."
She sank into silence for a minute, submerged by the weight of memory.
"But all the while I felt that I was getting more wicked. And it came to me just then - what you once said - about dreading to increase my wrong-doing and my remorse. It was like a writing of fire within me. Getting wicked was misery - being shut out forever from better lives. I felt despair that it was no use - evil wishes were too strong. I remember then letting go the tiller and saying 'God help me!' But then I was forced to take it again and go on; and the evil prayers came again and blotted out everything else, till, in the midst of them - I don't know how it was - he was turning the sail - there was a gust - he was struck - I know nothing - I only know that I saw my wish outside me."
She began to whisper hurriedly.
