As _Obadiah_ loved wind-music preferably to all the instrumental music he carried with him, --he very considerately set his imagination to work, to contrive and to invent by what means he should put himself in a condition of enjoying it.
In all distresses (except musical) where small cords are wanted, nothing is so apt to enter a man's head as his hat-band: ----the philosophy of this is so near the surface ----I scorn to enter into it.
As _Obadiah's_ was a mix'd case----mark, Sirs, ----I say, a mixed case; for it was obstetrical, ----_scrip_tical, squirtical, papistical----and as far as the coach-horse was concerned in it, ----caballistical----and only partly musical; --_Obadiah_ made no scruple of availing himself of the first expedient which offered; so taking hold of the bag and instruments, and griping them hard together with one hand, and with the finger and thumb of the other putting the end of the hat-band betwixt his teeth, and then slipping his hand down to the middle of it, --he tied and cross-tied them all fast together from one end to the other (as you would cord a trunk) with such a multiplicity of roundabouts and intricate cross turns, with a hard knot at every intersection or point where the strings met, --that Dr. _Slop_ must have had three-fifths of _Job's_ patience at least to have unloosed them. --I think in my conscience, that had NATURE been in one of her nimble moods, and in humour for such a contest----and she and Dr. _Slop_ both fairly started together----there is no man living who had seen the bag with all that _Obadiah_ had done to it, ----and known likewise the great speed the Goddess can make when she thinks proper, who would have had the least doubt remaining in his mind--which of the two would have carried off the prize. My mother, Madam, had been delivered sooner than the green bag infallibly----at least by twenty _knots_. ----Sport of small accidents, _Tristram Shandy!_ that thou art, and ever will be! had that trial been for thee, and it was fifty to one but it had, ----thy affairs had not been so depress'd--(at least by the depression of thy nose) as they have been; nor had the fortunes of thy house and the occasions of making them, which have so often presented themselves in the course of thy life, to thee, been so often, so vexatiously, so tamely, so irrecoverably abandoned--as thou hast been forced to leave them; ----but 'tis over, ----all but the account of 'em, which cannot be given to the curious till I am got out into the world.
As Obadiah preferred whistling to any other music, he set to work to contrive a means by which he could enjoy it.
In all distresses where small cords are wanted, nothing is so apt to enter a man's head as his hat-band. Obadiah did not hesitate to use his. So taking hold of the bag and instruments, and gripping them together with one hand, and with his other hand and his teeth pulling the hat-band down over them, he tied and cross-tied them all fast together from one end to the other with such a multiplicity of roundabouts and cross turns, with a knot at every intersection, that Dr. Slop must have had three-fifths of Job's patience to have unloosed them.
No man living who had seen that bag, who knew with what great speed Nature can hasten childbirth when she thinks proper, would have had the least doubt about which between Dr. Slop and Nature would have won the race. My mother, Madam, would have been delivered sooner than the green bag, by at least twenty knots.
The victim of small accidents, Tristram Shandy! thou wilt ever be! Had that happened - thy affairs would have not been so depressed - (at least by the depression of thy nose); nor the fortunes of thy house so often, so vexatiously abandoned - but 'tis over, all but the account of 'em, which cannot be given to the curious till I am got out into the world.