"All sorts of contrivances in my mind--but all so difficult. And I fought against them--I was terrified at them--I saw his dead face"--here her voice sank almost to a whisper close to Deronda's ear--"ever so long ago I saw it and I wished him to be dead. And yet it terrified me. I was like two creatures. I could not speak--I wanted to kill--it was as strong as thirst--and then directly--I felt beforehand I had done something dreadful, unalterable--that would make me like an evil spirit. And it came--it came."
She was silent a moment or two, as if her memory had lost itself in a web where each mesh drew all the rest.

"All sorts of contrivances in my mind - I fought against them - I was terrified at them - I saw his dead face" - her voice sank almost to a whisper - "long ago I saw it and I wished him to be dead. And yet it terrified me. I wanted to kill - it was as strong as thirst - and then directly - I felt beforehand I had done something unalterable - that would make me like an evil spirit. And it came - it came."
She was silent for a moment.
