----There is nothing improper in it, said my father--'tis a mode of expression; for in saying thou would'st lay thy _Montero_-cap to a shilling--all thou meanest is this--that thou believest--
----Now, What do'st thou believe?
That widow _Wadman_, an' please your worship, cannot hold it out ten days----
And whence, cried _Slop_, jeeringly, hast thou all this knowledge of woman, friend?
By falling in love with a popish clergywoman; said _Trim_.
'Twas a _Beguine_, said my uncle _Toby_.
Doctor _Slop_ was too much in wrath to listen to the distinction; and my father taking that very crisis to fall in helter-skelter upon the whole order of Nuns and _Beguines_, a set of silly, fusty, baggages----_Slop_ could not stand it----and my uncle _Toby_ having some measures to take about his breeches--and _Yorick_ about his fourth general division--in order for their several attacks next day--the company broke up: and my father being left alone, and having half an hour upon his hands betwixt that and bed-time; he called for pen, ink, and paper, and wrote my uncle _Toby_ the following letter of instructions:
MY DEAR BROTHER _Toby_,
What I am going to say to thee is upon the nature of women, and of love-making to them; and perhaps it is as well for thee--tho' not so well for me--that thou hast occasion for a letter of instructions upon that head, and that I am able to write it to thee.
Had it been the good pleasure of him who disposes of our lots--and thou no sufferer by the knowledge, I had been well content that thou should'st have dipp'd the pen this moment into the ink, instead of myself; but that not being the case ------------Mrs. _Shandy_ being now close beside me, preparing for bed ----I have thrown together without order, and just as they have come into my mind, such hints and documents as I deem may be of use to thee; intending, in this, to give thee a token of my love; not doubting, my dear _Toby_, of the manner in which it will be accepted.

'There is nothing improper in it,' said my father, ''tis a mode of expression. All it means is that thou believest - now, what dost thou believe?'
'That widow Wadman cannot hold out ten days.'
'And whence,' cried Slop jeeringly, 'hast thou all this knowledge of woman, friend?'
'By falling in love with a popish clergywoman,' said Trim.
''Twas a Beguine,' said my uncle Toby.
Doctor Slop was too angry to listen to the distinction; and my father taking that chance to fall helter-skelter upon the whole order of Nuns and Beguines, as a set of silly, fusty, baggages - Slop could not stand it - and my uncle Toby having some measures to take about his breeches - the company broke up.
My father being left alone, and having half an hour upon his hands before bed-time, called for pen and paper, and wrote my uncle Toby the following letter of instructions:
MY DEAR BROTHER TOBY,
What I am going to say to thee is upon the nature of women, and of love-making to them; and it is good that thou hast occasion for a letter of instructions upon that head, and that I am able to write it to thee.
Mrs. Shandy being now nearby, preparing for bed - I have thrown together, just as they have come into my mind, such hints as I judge may be of use; intending, in this, to give thee a token of my love.
