_O Slawkenbergius!_ thou faithful analyzer of my _Disgrazias_--thou sad foreteller of so many of the whips and short turns which in one stage or other of my life have come slap upon me from the shortness of my nose, and no other cause, that I am conscious of. --Tell me, _Slawkenbergius!_ what secret impulse was it? what intonation of voice? whence came it? how did it sound in thy ears? ----art thou sure thou heard'st it? ----which first cried out to thee------go------go, _Slawkenbergius!_ dedicate the labours of thy life----neglect thy pastimes------call forth all the powers and faculties of thy nature----macerate thyself in the service of mankind, and write a grand FOLIO for them, upon the subject of their noses.
How the communication was conveyed into _Slawkenbergius's_ sensorium----so that _Slawkenbergius_ should know whose finger touch'd the key--and whose hand it was that blew the bellows----as _Hafen Slawkenbergius_ has been dead and laid in his grave above fourscore and ten years------we can only raise conjectures.
_Slawkenbergius_ was play'd upon, for aught I know, like one of _Whitefield's_ disciples----that is, with such a distinct intelligence, Sir, of which of the two _masters_ it was that had been practising upon his _instrument_------as to make all reasoning upon it needless.
------For in the account which _Hafen Slawkenbergius_ gives the world of his motives and occasions for writing, and spending so many years of his life upon this one work--towards the end of his prolegomena, which by the bye should have come first----but the bookbinder has most injudiciously placed it betwixt the analytical contents of the book, and the book itself--he informs his reader, that ever since he had arrived at the age of discernment, and was able to sit down coolly, and consider within himself the true state and condition of man, and distinguish the main end and design of his being; ----or--to shorten my translation, for _Slawkenbergius's_ book is in _Latin_, and not a little prolix in this passage--ever since I understood, quoth _Slawkenbergius_, any thing----or rather _what was what_----and could perceive that the point of long noses had been too loosely handled by all who had gone before; ----have I, _Slawkenbergius_, felt a strong impulse, with a mighty and unresistible call within me, to gird up myself to this undertaking.

O Slawkenbergius! thou faithful analyzer of my Disgrazias - thou sad foreteller of the misfortunes which have come slap upon me from the shortness of my nose, and no other cause. Tell me, Slawkenbergius! what secret impulse first cried out to thee - 'Go, go, Slawkenbergius! dedicate the labours of thy life and all thy powers to the service of mankind, and write a grand Folio for them, upon the subject of their noses.'
How this came to pass - as he has been dead and buried ninety years - we can only guess.
In the account which Hafen Slawkenbergius gives the world of his motives for spending so many years writing this one work - towards the end of his prologue, which by the bye should have come first, but the bookbinder has most injudiciously placed it betwixt the contents list and the book itself - he informs his reader, that ever since he had arrived at the age of discernment, and was able to sit down coolly, and consider the true state of man - or, to shorten my translation, for Slawkenbergius's book is in Latin, and somewhat prolix - 'ever since I understood what was what,' quoth Slawkenbergius, 'and could see that the point of long noses had been too loosely handled by others, I have felt a mighty and irresistible call to undertake this myself.'
