Help! --But hold --I grow something better again, for I am beginning to foresee, when this is over, that as we shall all of us continue to be great wits--we should never agree amongst ourselves, one day to an end: ----there would be so much satire and sarcasm----scoffing and flouting, with raillying and reparteeing of it--thrusting and parrying in one corner or another----there would be nothing but mischief among us ----Chaste stars! what biting and scratching, and what a racket and a clatter we should make, what with breaking of heads, rapping of knuckles, and hitting of sore places--there would be no such thing as living for us.
But then again, as we should all of us be men of great judgment, we should make up matters as fast as ever they went wrong; and though we should abominate each other ten times worse than so many devils or devilesses, we should nevertheless, my dear creatures, be all courtesy and kindness, milk and honey--'twould be a second land of promise--a paradise upon earth, if there was such a thing to be had--so that upon the whole we should have done well enough.
All I fret and fume at, and what most distresses my invention at present, is how to bring the point itself to bear; for as your worships well know, that of these heavenly emanations of _wit_ and _judgment_, which I have so bountifully wished both for your worships and myself--there is but a certain _quantum_ stored up for us all, for the use and behoof of the whole race of mankind; and such small _modicums_ of 'em are only sent forth into this wide world, circulating here and there in one bye corner or another--and in such narrow streams, and at such prodigious intervals from each other, that one would wonder how it holds out, or could be sufficient for the wants and emergencies of so many great estates, and populous empires.
Indeed there is one thing to be considered, that in _Nova Zembla_, _North Lapland_, and in all those cold and dreary tracts of the globe, which lie more directly under the arctick and antarctick circles, where the whole province of a man's concernments lies for near nine months together within the narrow compass of his cave--where the spirits are compressed almost to nothing--and where the passions of a man, with everything which belongs to them, are as frigid as the zone itself--there the least quantity of _judgment_ imaginable does the business--and of _wit_----there is a total and an absolute saving--for as not one spark is wanted--so not one spark is given. Angels and ministers of grace defend us! what a dismal thing would it have been to have governed a kingdom, to have fought a battle, or made a treaty, or run a match, or wrote a book, or got a child, or held a provincial chapter there, with so _plentiful a lack_ of wit and judgment about us! For mercy's sake, let us think no more about it, but travel on as fast as we can southwards into _Norway_--crossing over _Swedeland_, if you please, through the small triangular province of _Angermania_ to the lake of _Bothnia_; coasting along it through east and west _Bothnia_, down to _Carelia_, and so on, through all those states and provinces which border upon the far side of the _Gulf of Finland_, and the north-east of the _Baltick_, up to _Petersbourg_, and just stepping into _Ingria_; --then stretching over directly from thence through the north parts of the _Russian_ empire--leaving _Siberia_ a little upon the left hand, till we got into the very heart of _Russian_ and _Asiatick Tartary_.
Now throughout this long tour which I have led you, you observe the good people are better off by far, than in the polar countries which we have just left: --for if you hold your hand over your eyes, and look very attentively, you may perceive some small glimmerings (as it were) of wit, with a comfortable provision of good plain _household_ judgment, which, taking the quality and quantity of it together, they make a very good shift with------and had they more of either the one or the other, it would destroy the proper balance betwixt them, and I am satisfied moreover they would want occasions to put them to use.

Help!
But hold - I am coming round again, for I foresee that as we shall all of us be great wits, we should never agree amongst ourselves; there would be so much satire and sarcasm - scoffing and flouting - thrusting and parrying - there would be nothing but mischief among us. What biting and scratching, and what a racket and a clatter we should make, what breaking of heads and rapping of knuckles!
But then again, being men of great judgment, we would make up matters as fast as they went wrong; and though we should hate each other, we should nevertheless, my dear creatures, be all courtesy and kindness, milk and honey. 'Twould be a paradise upon earth - so that upon the whole we should have done well enough.
All I fret at, is how to bring the point itself about; for as your worships know, these heavenly emanations of wit and judgment, which I have so bountifully wished for us, have only a certain quantity stored up for the use of all mankind; and such small amounts are sent forth into this wide world, in such narrow streams, that one wonders how it could be enough for the needs of so many populous empires.
Indeed, in Nova Zembla in the far north, Lapland, and all those cold and dreary tracts of the globe which lie under the arctic and antarctic circles - where the spirits are compressed almost to nothing, and where a man's passions are as frigid as the zone itself - there not one spark of wit is given. Angels defend us! what a dismal thing would it be to have governed a kingdom, to have fought a battle, or wrote a book, or got a child, with so plentiful a lack of wit and judgment!
For mercy's sake, let us think no more about it, but travel on as fast as we can southwards into Norway - crossing over Swedeland, if you please, through the small triangular province of Angermania to the lake of Bothnia; down to Carelia, and so on along the border of the Baltic, up to Petersburg, then through the north parts of the Russian empire - leaving Siberia upon the left hand, till we are in the very heart of Asiatic Tartary.
Now throughout this long tour, you observe the good people are better off by far than in the polar countries; for if you look attentively, you may perceive some small glimmerings of wit, with a comfortable provision of good plain judgment; with which they do very well.
