Albeit, gentle reader, I have lusted earnestly, and endeavoured carefully (according to the measure of such a slender skill as God has vouchsafed me, and as convenient leisure from other occasions of needful profit and healthful pastime have permitted) that these little books which I here put into thy hands, might stand instead of many bigger books--yet have I carried myself towards thee in such fanciful guise of careless disport, that right sore am I ashamed now to intreat thy lenity seriously------in beseeching thee to believe it of me, that in the story of my father and his christian-names --I have no thoughts of treading upon _Francis_ the First----nor in the affair of the nose--upon _Francis_ the Ninth--nor in the character of my uncle _Toby_----of characterizing the militiating spirits of my country--the wound upon his groin, is a wound to every comparison of that kind--nor by _Trim_--that I meant the duke of _Ormond_----or that my book is wrote against predestination, or free-will, or taxes --If 'tis wrote against any thing, ----'tis wrote, an' please your worships, against the spleen! in order, by a more frequent and a more convulsive elevation and depression of the diaphragm, and the succussations of the intercostal and abdominal muscles in laughter, to drive the _gall_ and other _bitter juices_ from the gallbladder, liver, and sweet-bread of his majesty's subjects, with all the inimicitious passions which belong to them, down into their duodenums.
Although, gentle reader, I have endeavoured carefully (with such slender skill as God has given me,) that these little books which I here put into thy hands, might stand instead of many bigger books - yet I have been so fanciful and careless, that I am ashamed, and assure thee that I have no thoughts of treading upon Francis the First. Nor, in the character of my uncle Toby, do I mean to characterize the military of my country - and by Trim, I do not mean the duke of Ormond - and if my book is wrote against free-will, or taxes, or any thing - 'tis wrote, your worships, against the spleen! - in order, by convulsive movements of the diaphragm, and the shaking of the abdominal muscles in laughter, to drive the gall and other bitter juices from the organs of his majesty's subjects, down into their duodenums.