And to do justice to _Slawkenbergius_, he has entered the list with a stronger lance, and taken a much larger career in it than any one man who had ever entered it before him----and indeed, in many respects, deserves to be _en-nich'd_ as a prototype for all writers, of voluminous works at least, to model their books by----for he has taken in, Sir, the whole subject--examined every part of it _dialectically_------then brought it into full day; dilucidating it with all the light which either the collision of his own natural parts could strike--or the profoundest knowledge of the sciences had impowered him to cast upon it--collating, collecting, and compiling------begging, borrowing, and stealing, as he went along, all that had been wrote or wrangled thereupon in the schools and porticos of the learned: so that _Slawkenbergius_ his book may properly be considered, not only as a model--but as a thorough-stitched DIGEST and regular institute of _noses_, comprehending in it all that is or can be needful to be known about them.
For this cause it is that I forbear to speak of so many (otherwise) valuable books and treatises of my father's collecting, wrote either, plump upon noses----or collaterally touching them; ------such for instance as _Prignitz_, now lying upon the table before me, who with infinite learning, and from the most candid and scholar-like examination of above four thousand different skulls, in upwards of twenty charnel-houses in _Silesia_, which he had rummaged------has informed us, that the mensuration and configuration of the osseous or bony parts of human noses, in any _given_ tract of country, except _Crim Tartary_, where they are all crush'd down by the thumb, so that no judgment can be formed upon them--are much nearer alike, than the world imagines; --the difference amongst them being, he says, a mere trifle, not worth taking notice of; ----but that the size and jollity of every individual nose, and by which one nose ranks above another, and bears a higher price, is owing to the cartilaginous and muscular parts of it, into whose ducts and sinuses the blood and animal spirits being impell'd and driven by the warmth and force of the imagination, which is but a step from it (bating the case of idiots, whom _Prignitz_, who had lived many years in _Turky_, supposes under the more immediate tutelage of Heaven)--it so happens, and ever must, says _Prignitz_, that the excellency of the nose is in a direct arithmetical proportion to the excellency of the wearer's fancy.
It is for the same reason, that is, because 'tis all comprehended in _Slawkenbergius_, that I say nothing likewise of _Scroderus_ (_Andrea_) who, all the world knows, set himself to oppugn _Prignitz_ with great violence--proving it in his own way, first _logically_, and then by a series of stubborn facts, "That so far was _Prignitz_ from the truth, in affirming that the fancy begat the nose, that on the contrary--the nose begat the fancy."
--The learned suspected _Scroderus_ of an indecent sophism in this--and _Prignitz_ cried out aloud in the dispute, that _Scroderus_ had shifted the idea upon him----but _Scroderus_ went on, maintaining his thesis.
My father was just balancing within himself, which of the two sides he should take in this affair; when _Ambrose Parus_ decided it in a moment, and by overthrowing the systems, both of _Prignitz_ and _Scroderus_, drove my father out of both sides of the controversy at once.
Be witness------
I don't acquaint the learned reader--in saying it, I mention it only to shew the learned, I know the fact myself------
That this _Ambrose Parus_ was chief surgeon and nose-mender to _Francis_ the ninth of _France_, and in high credit with him and the two preceding, or succeeding kings (I know not which)--and that, except in the slip he made in his story of _Taliacotius's_ noses, and his manner of setting them on--he was esteemed by the whole college of physicians at that time, as more knowing in matters of noses, than any one who had ever taken them in hand.
Now _Ambrose Parus_ convinced my father, that the true and efficient cause of what had engaged so much the attention of the world, and upon which _Prignitz_ and _Scroderus_ had wasted so much learning and fine parts----was neither this nor that----but that the length and goodness of the nose was owing simply to the softness and flaccidity in the nurse's breast------as the flatness and shortness of _puisne_ noses was to the firmness and elastic repulsion of the same organ of nutrition in the hale and lively--which, tho' happy for the woman, was the undoing of the child, inasmuch as his nose was so snubb'd, so rebuff'd, so rebated, and so refrigerated thereby, as never to arrive _ad mensuram suam legitimam_; ----but that in case of the flaccidity and softness of the nurse or mother's breast--by sinking into it, quoth _Parus_, as into so much butter, the nose was comforted, nourish'd, plump'd up, refresh'd, refocillated, and set a growing for ever.
I have but two things to observe of _Parus_; first, That he proves and explains all this with the utmost chastity and decorum of expression: --for which may his soul for ever rest in peace!

And to do him justice, he deserves to be held up as a prototype for all writers of voluminous works. For he has taken in, Sir, the whole subject - examined every part of it - then brought it into full daylight; elucidating it with his profound knowledge of the sciences - collecting, and compiling - begging, borrowing, and stealing, as he went along, so that his book may be considered a thorough-stitched Digest and regular institute of noses, containing all that needs to be known about them.
Therefore I will not speak of many (otherwise) valuable books of my father's collection, either wrote plump on noses or touching them - such as Prignitz, now lying upon the table before me, who from the examination of four thousand different skulls, in twenty charnel-houses in Silesia, through which he had rummaged - has informed us, that the shape of the osseous or bony parts of human noses, in every country except Crim Tartary, are much more alike than the world imagines; and that the size and jollity of every individual nose is owing to the cartilaginous and muscular parts of it, into whose ducts the blood and animal spirits are driven by the warmth of the imagination. So, says Prignitz, the excellency of the nose is in direct arithmetical proportion to the excellency of the wearer's fancy or imagination.
Likewise, because 'tis all contained in Slawkenbergius, I say nothing of Scroderus who, all the world knows, violently opposed Prignitz - proving 'that on the contrary - the nose begat the fancy.'
My father was weighing up which side he should take in this affair; when Ambrose Paraeus decided it by overthrowing both systems.
I am sure the learned know this: I mention it only to show that I know the fact myself-
That this Ambrose Paraeus was chief surgeon and nose-mender to Francis the Ninth of France, and was esteemed by the whole college of physicians, for knowing more about noses than anyone who had ever taken them in hand.
Now Ambrose Paraeus convinced my father that both Prignitz and Scoderus were wrong; and that the length and goodness of the nose was owing simply to the softness of the nurse's breast; and flat, short noses were due to firmness of the same organ of nutrition in the healthy - which, though happy for the woman, was the undoing of the child, inasmuch as his nose was so snubbed that it would never grow to full measure. But when the mother's breast was soft and flaccid - by sinking into it, quoth Paraeus, as into so much butter, the nose was comforted, nourished, plumped up, and set a-growing for ever.
I have two things to observe of Paraeus; first, that he explains all this with the utmost chastity and decorum: for which may he rest in peace!
