The wound in my uncle _Toby's_ groin, which he received at the siege of _Namur_, rendering him unfit for the service, it was thought expedient he should return to _England_, in order, if possible, to be set to rights.
He was four years totally confined, --part of it to his bed, and all of it to his room: and in the course of his cure, which was all that time in hand, suffer'd unspeakable miseries, --owing to a succession of exfoliations from the _os pubis_, and the outward edge of that part of the _coxendix_ called the _os illium_, ----both which bones were dismally crush'd, as much by the irregularity of the stone, which I told you was broke off the parapet, --as by its size, --(tho' it was pretty large) which inclined the surgeon all along to think, that the great injury which it had done my uncle _Toby's_ groin, was more owing to the gravity of the stone itself, than to the projectile force of it, --which he would often tell him was a great happiness.
My father at that time was just beginning business in _London_, and had taken a house; --and as the truest friendship and cordiality subsisted between the two brothers, --and that my father thought my uncle _Toby_ could no where be so well nursed and taken care of as in his own house, ----he assign'd him the very best apartment in it. --And what was a much more sincere mark of his affection still, he would never suffer a friend or an acquaintance to step into the house on any occasion, but he would take him by the hand, and lead him up stairs to see his brother _Toby_, and chat an hour by his bedside.
The history of a soldier's wound beguiles the pain of it; --my uncle's visitors at least thought so, and in their daily calls upon him, from the courtesy arising out of that belief, they would frequently turn the discourse to that subject, --and from that subject the discourse would generally roll on to the siege itself.
These conversations were infinitely kind; and my uncle _Toby_ received great relief from them, and would have received much more, but that they brought him into some unforeseen perplexities, which, for three months together, retarded his cure greatly; and if he had not hit upon an expedient to extricate himself out of them, I verily believe they would have laid him in his grave.
What these perplexities of my uncle _Toby_ were, ----'tis impossible for you to guess; --if you could, --I should blush; not as a relation, --not as a man, --nor even as a woman, --but I should blush as an author; inasmuch as I set no small store by myself upon this very account, that my reader has never yet been able to guess at anything. And in this, Sir, I am of so nice and singular a humour, that if I thought you was able to form the least judgment or probable conjecture to yourself, of what was to come in the next page, --I would tear it out of my book.
When the wound in my uncle Toby's groin, which he received at the siege of Namur, made him unfit for the army, he returned to England, in order, if possible, to be set to rights.
He was for four years totally confined to his room: and in the course of his cure, through all that time, suffered unspeakable miseries, owing to a series of exfoliations from the os pubis, and the os illium, both of which bones were dismally crushed, as much by the irregularity of the stone as by its size, (though it was pretty large), which made the surgeon think that the great injury which it had done my uncle Toby's groin, was more owing to the weight of the stone than to its projectile force.
My father at that time was just beginning business in London, and had taken a house there; and as there was the truest friendship between the two brothers, and my father thought my uncle Toby could nowhere be so well nursed as in his own house, he assigned him the very best room in it. What was more, he would never allow a friend to step into the house without leading him upstairs to see his brother Toby, and chat an hour by his bedside.
The history of a soldier's wound beguiles the pain of it; - my uncle's visitors at least thought so, and they would frequently turn the talk to that subject, - and from there, the talk would roll on to the siege itself.
These conversations were infinitely kind; and my uncle Toby received great relief from them, and would have received much more, except that they brought him unforeseen perplexities, which for three months retarded his cure greatly; and if he had not hit upon a way to get himself out of them, I believe they would have laid him in his grave.
What my uncle Toby's perplexities were - 'tis impossible for you to guess; if you could, I should blush; because as an author, I pride myself on the fact that my reader has never yet been able to guess anything. And in this, Sir, I am so fastidious that if I thought you were able to form the least conjecture of what was to come in the next page - I would tear it out of my book.