It is a singular stroke of eloquence (at least it was so, when eloquence flourished at _Athens_ and _Rome_, and would be so now, did orators wear mantles) not to mention the name of a thing, when you had the thing about you _in petto_, ready to produce, pop, in the place you want it.

It is a singular stroke of eloquence (at least it was, when eloquence flourished at Athens and Rome, and would be so now, if orators wore mantles) not to mention the name of a thing, when you had the actual thing about you, ready to produce, pop, in the place you wanted it.


A scar, an axe, a sword, a pink'd doublet, a rusty helmet, a pound and a half of pot-ashes in an urn, or a three-halfpenny pickle pot--but above all, a tender infant royally accoutred.

An axe, a sword, a rusty helmet, a pound and a half of ashes in an urn, or a three-halfpenny pickle pot - but above all, a tender infant royally


--Tho' if it was too young, and the oration as long as _Tully's_ second _Philippick_--it must certainly have beshit the orator's mantle.

clothed - though if it was too young, and the oration too long, it must certainly have beshit the orator's mantle.


--And then again, if too old, --it must have been unwieldy and incommodious to his action--so as to make him lose by his child almost as much as he could gain by it.

- And then again, if it was too old, it must have been unwieldy and inconvenient for his purpose.


--Otherwise, when a state orator has hit the precise age to a minute----hid his BAMBINO in his mantle so cunningly that no mortal could smell it----and produced it so critically, that no soul could say, it came in by head and shoulders --Oh Sirs!

Otherwise, when an orator has hit the precise time - hid his Bambino in his mantle so cunningly that no-one could smell it - and produced it skilfully - Oh Sirs!


it has done wonders --It has open'd the sluices, and turn'd the brains, and shook the principles, and unhinged the politicks of half a nation.

it has done wonders. It has turned the brains, and shook the principles, and unhinged the politics of half a nation.


These feats however are not to be done, except in those states and times, I say, where orators wore mantles----and pretty large ones too, my brethren, with some twenty or five-and-twenty yards of good purple, superfine, marketable cloth in them--with large flowing folds and doubles, and in a great style of design.

These feats could only be done, however, where orators wore mantles - and pretty large ones too, with some five-and-twenty yards of good superfine cloth, large flowing folds and a great style of design.


--All which plainly shews, may it please your worships, that the decay of eloquence, and the little good service it does at present, both within and without doors, is owing to nothing else in the world, but short coats, and the disuse of _trunk-hose_.

All which plainly shows that the decay of eloquence is owing to nothing else in the world, but short coats.


----We can conceal nothing under ours, Madam, worth shewing.

We can conceal nothing under ours, Madam, worth showing.


----Thou wilt get a brush and a little chalk to my sword----'Twill be only in your honour's way, replied _Trim_.

'Thou wilt get a brush and a little chalk to my sword.'
''Twill only be in your honour's way,' replied Trim.


----My uncle _Toby_ went to his bureau, --put his purse into his breeches pocket, and having ordered the corporal to go early in the morning for a physician, --he went to bed, and fell asleep.

My uncle Toby went to his bureau, put his purse into his breeches pocket, and having ordered the corporal to go early in the morning for a doctor, - he went to bed, and fell asleep.


Your sudden and unexpected arrival, quoth my uncle _Toby_, addressing himself to Dr. _Slop_ (all three of them sitting down to the fire together, as my uncle _Toby_ began to speak)--instantly brought the great _Stevinus_ into my head, who, you must know, is a favourite author with me.

'Your sudden and unexpected arrival,' quoth my uncle Toby to Dr. Slop (all three of them sitting down to the fire together,) - 'instantly brought the great Stevinus into my head, who, you must know, is a favourite author with me.'


--Then, added my father, making use of the argument _Ad Crumenam_, --I will lay twenty guineas to a single crown-piece (which will serve to give away to _Obadiah_ when he gets back) that this same _Stevinus_ was some engineer or other, --or has wrote something or other, either directly or indirectly, upon the science of fortification.

My father said, 'I will lay twenty guineas that this Stevinus was some engineer or other, or has wrote upon the science of fortification.'


--I knew it, said my father, though, for the soul of me, I cannot see what kind of connection there can be betwixt Dr. _Slop's_ sudden coming, and a discourse upon fortification; --yet I fear'd it.

'I knew it,' said my father, 'though, for the soul of me, I cannot see what connection there can be betwixt Dr. Slop's sudden coming, and fortification; - yet I feared it.


--Talk of what we will, brother, ----or let the occasion be never so foreign or unfit for the subject, --you are sure to bring it in.

No matter how unfit for the subject, you are sure to bring it in.


I would not, brother _Toby_, continued my father, ------I declare I would not have my head so full of curtins and hornworks.

I declare, my brother Toby, I would not have my head so full of curtins and hornworks.'


--That I dare say you would not, quoth Dr. _Slop_, interrupting him, and laughing most immoderately at his pun.

'I dare say you would not,' quoth Dr. Slop, interrupting him, and laughing greatly at his pun.


_Dennis_ the critic could not detest and abhor a pun, or the insinuation of a pun, more cordially than my father; --he would grow testy upon it at any time; --but to be broke in upon by one, in a serious discourse, was as bad, he would say, as a fillip upon the nose; ----he saw no difference.

No critic could detest a pun more than my father; it annoyed him at any time; - but to be broke in upon by one, in a serious discussion, was as bad, he would say, as a fillip upon the nose.


Sir, quoth my uncle _Toby_, addressing himself to Dr. _Slop_, --the curtins my brother _Shandy_ mentions here, have nothing to do with bedsteads; --tho', I know _Du Cange_ says, "That bed-curtains, in all probability, have taken their name from them;" --nor have the hornworks he speaks of, anything in the world to do with the horn-works of cuckoldom: --But the _Curtin_, Sir, is the word we use in fortification, for that part of the wall or rampart which lies between the two bastions and joins them --Besiegers seldom offer to carry on their attacks directly against the curtin, for this reason, because they are so well _flanked_.

'Sir,' quoth my uncle Toby to Dr. Slop, 'the curtins my brother Shandy mentions have nothing to do with bedsteads; - though, I know Du Cange says that bed-curtains, in all probability, have taken their name from them. - Nor have the hornworks he speaks of, anything to do with the horn-works of cuckoldom. The Curtin, Sir, is the word we use in fortification, for that part of the rampart which lies between two bastions. Besiegers seldom attack the curtins directly, because they are so well flanked.'


('Tis the case of other curtains, quoth Dr. _Slop_, laughing.)

''Tis the case of other curtains,' quoth Dr. Slop, laughing.


However, continued my uncle _Toby_, to make them sure, we generally choose to place ravelins before them, taking care only to extend them beyond the foss or ditch: ----The common men, who know very little of fortification, confound the ravelin and the half-moon together, --tho' they are very different things; --not in their figure or construction, for we make them exactly alike, in all points; --for they always consist of two faces, making a salient angle, with the gorges, not straight, but in form of a crescent: ----Where then lies the difference?

'However,' continued my uncle Toby, 'to make them sure, we generally place ravelins before them, taking care only to extend them beyond the foss or ditch. - Men who know little of fortification, confound the ravelin and the half-moon, though they are very different things; - not in their construction, for we make them exactly alike; for they always consist of two faces, making a salient angle with the gorges, not straight, but in a crescent.'
'Where then lies the difference?'


--In their situations, answered my uncle _Toby_: --For when a ravelin, brother, stands before the curtin, it is a ravelin; and when a ravelin stands before a bastion, then the ravelin is not a ravelin; --it is a half-moon; --a half-moon likewise is a half-moon, and no more, so long as it stands before its bastion; ----but was it to change place, and get before the curtin, --'twould be no longer a half-moon; a half-moon, in that case, is not a half-moon; --'tis no more than a ravelin.

'In their situations,' answered my uncle. 'For when a ravelin, brother, stands before the curtin, it is a ravelin; and when it stands before a bastion, then it is not a ravelin; - it is a half-moon; a half-moon likewise is a half-moon so long as it stands before its bastion; - but was it to get before the curtin, 'twould be no more than a ravelin.'


----I think, quoth my father, that the noble science of defence has its weak sides----as well as others.

'I think,' quoth my father, 'that the noble science of defence has its weak sides.'


sigh'd my father) which, continued my uncle _Toby_, my brother was speaking of, they are a very considerable part of an outwork; ----they are called by the _French_ engineers, _Ouvrage corne_, and we generally make them to cover such places as we suspect to be weaker than the rest; --'tis formed by two epaulments or demi-bastions--they are very pretty, --and if you will take a walk, I'll engage to shew you one well worth your trouble.

sighed my father) 'which,' continued my uncle Toby, 'my brother was speaking of, they are part of an outwork; they are called by French engineers, Ouvrage corne, and we make them to cover such places as we suspect to be weaker than the rest. - 'Tis formed by two epaulments or demi-bastions - they are very pretty, and if you will take a walk, I'll show you one well worth your trouble.


--I own, continued my uncle _Toby_, when we crown them, --they are much stronger, but then they are very expensive, and take up a great deal of ground, so that, in my opinion, they are most of use to cover or defend the head of a camp; otherwise the double tenaille --By the mother who bore us!

I admit when we crown them, they are much stronger, but then they are very expensive, and take up a great deal of ground, so that, in my opinion-'
'By the mother who bore us!


----brother _Toby_, quoth my father, not able to hold out any longer, ----you would provoke a saint; ----here have you got us, I know not how, not only souse into the middle of the old subject again: --But so full is your head of these confounded works, that though my wife is this moment in the pains of labour, and you hear her cry out, yet nothing will serve you but to carry off the man-midwife.

brother Toby,' quoth my father, not able to hold out any longer, 'you would provoke a saint. Here you have got us, I know not how, into the middle of the old subject again. So full is your head of these confounded works, that though my wife is this moment in labour, and you hear her cry out, yet you want to carry off the man-midwife.'


----_Accoucheur_, --if you please, quoth Dr. _Slop_.

'Accoucheur, if you please,' quoth Dr. Slop.


----With all my heart, replied my father, I don't care what they call you, --but I wish the whole science of fortification, with all its inventors, at the devil; --it has been the death of thousands, --and it will be mine in the end, --I would not, I would not, brother _Toby_, have my brains so full of saps, mines, blinds, gabions, pallisadoes, ravelins, half-moons, and such trumpery, to be proprietor of _Namur_, and of all the towns in _Flanders_ with it.

'Certainly,' replied my father. 'I don't care what they call you, - but I wish the whole science of fortification at the devil; it will be the death of me. I would not, brother Toby, have my brains so full of saps, mines, blinds, pallisadoes, ravelins, half-moons, and such trumpery, if it made me owner of all the towns in Flanders.'


My uncle _Toby_ was a man patient of injuries; --not from want of courage, --I have told you in a former chapter, "that he was a man of courage:" --And will add here, that where just occasions presented, or called it forth, --I know no man under whose arm I would have sooner taken shelter; ----nor did this arise from any insensibility or obtuseness of his intellectual parts; --for he felt this insult of my father's as feelingly as a man could do; --but he was of a peaceful, placid nature, --no jarring element in it, --all was mixed up so kindly within him; my uncle _Toby_ had scarce a heart to retaliate upon a fly.

My uncle Toby was a man of courage: and I know no man under whose arm I would have sooner taken shelter. He felt this insult of my father's as feelingly as a man could do; - but he was of a peaceful, placid nature, with scarce a heart to retaliate upon a fly.


--Go--says he, one day at dinner, to an over-grown one which had buzzed about his nose, and tormented him cruelly all dinner-time, --and which after infinite attempts, he had caught at last, as it flew by him; --I'll not hurt thee, says my uncle _Toby_, rising from his chair, and going across the room, with the fly in his hand, ----I'll not hurt a hair of thy head: --Go, says he, lifting up the sash, and opening his hand as he spoke, to let it escape; --go, poor devil, get thee gone, why should I hurt thee?

'Go,' says he, one day at dinner, to one which had buzzed about his nose, and tormented him all dinner-time, and which, after infinite attempts, he had caught at last; - 'I'll not hurt thee,' says my uncle Toby, going across the room, with the fly in his hand, - 'Go,' says he, lifting up the sash, and letting it escape; 'poor devil, get thee gone, why should I hurt thee?


----This world surely is wide enough to hold both thee and me.

This world is wide enough to hold both thee and me.'


I was but ten years old when this happened: but whether it was, that the action itself was more in unison to my nerves at that age of pity, which instantly set my whole frame into one vibration of most pleasurable sensation; --or how far the manner and expression of it might go towards it; --or in what degree, or by what secret magick, --a tone of voice and harmony of movement, attuned by mercy, might find a passage to my heart, I know not; --this I know, that the lesson of universal good-will then taught and imprinted by my uncle _Toby_, has never since been worn out of my mind: And tho' I would not depreciate what the study of the _Liter humaniores_, at the university, have done for me in that respect, or discredit the other helps of an expensive education bestowed upon me, both at home and abroad since; --yet I often think that I owe one half of my philanthropy to that one accidental impression.

I was but ten years old when this happened: but this action instantly set my whole frame into one vibration of most pleasurable sensation; how far the manner and expression of it, or a tone of voice attuned by mercy, might find a passage to my heart, I know not. This I know, that the lesson of universal good-will then taught by my uncle Toby, has never since been worn out of my mind. And though I would not depreciate what university study has done for me, or discredit the other helps of an expensive education; - yet I often think that I owe half of my philanthropy to that one accidental impression.


[-->] This is to serve for parents and governors instead of a whole volume upon the subject.

[This is to serve for parents instead of a whole volume upon the subject.]


I could not give the reader this stroke in my uncle _Toby's_ picture, by the instrument with which I drew the other parts of it, --that taking in no more than the mere HOBBY-HORSICAL likeness: ----this is a part of his moral character.

I could not draw this stroke in my uncle Toby's picture, by the instrument with which I drew the other parts of it, that mere Hobby-Horsical likeness: - this is a part of his moral character.


My father, in this patient endurance of wrongs, which I mention, was very different, as the reader must long ago have noted; he had a much more acute and quick sensibility of nature, attended with a little soreness of temper; tho' this never transported him to anything which looked like malignancy: --yet in the little rubs and vexations of life, 'twas apt to shew itself in a drollish and witty kind of peevishness: ----He was, however, frank and generous in his nature; ----at all times open to conviction; and in the little ebullitions of this subacid humour towards others, but particularly towards my uncle _Toby_, whom he truly loved: ----he would feel more pain, ten times told (except in the affair of my aunt _Dinah_, or where an hypothesis was concerned) than what he ever gave.

My father was very different in his endurance of wrongs; he had a much more acute sensibility, and a little soreness of temper; though this never extended to malignancy: - yet in the small vexations of life, 'twas apt to show itself in a witty kind of peevishness. He was, however, frank and generous; and in the little bubblings-up of this acid humour towards others, but particularly towards my uncle Toby, whom he truly loved, he would feel more ten times more pain than he ever gave (except in the affair of my aunt Dinah, or where an hypothesis was concerned).


The characters of the two brothers, in this view of them, reflected light upon each other, and appeared with great advantage in this affair which arose about _Stevinus_.

The characters of the two brothers appeared with great advantage in this affair of Stevinus.


I need not tell the reader, if he keeps a HOBBY-HORSE, ----that a man's HOBBY-HORSE is as tender a part as he has about him; and that these unprovoked strokes at my uncle _Toby's_ could not be unfelt by him.

I need not tell the reader that a man's Hobby-Horse is the tenderest part he has; and these unprovoked blows at my uncle Toby's Hobby-Horse were felt by him.


----No: ------as I said above, my uncle _Toby_ did feel them, and very sensibly too.


--it was great: For as soon as my father had done insulting his HOBBY-HORSE, ------he turned his head without the least emotion, from Dr. _Slop_, to whom he was addressing his discourse, and looking up into my father's face, with a countenance spread over with so much good-nature; ----so placid; ----so fraternal; ----so inexpressibly tender towards him: --it penetrated my father to his heart: He rose up hastily from his chair, and seizing hold of both my uncle _Toby's_ hands as he spoke: --Brother _Toby_, said he, --I beg thy pardon; ----forgive, I pray thee, this rash humour which my mother gave me.

- it was great. For when my father had finished insulting his Hobby-Horse, my uncle turned his head, and looked into my father's face with so much good-nature; so placid - so fraternal - so inexpressibly tender, it penetrated my father to his heart. He rose up hastily from his chair, seizing my uncle Toby's hands.
'Brother Toby,' said he, 'I beg thy pardon; forgive me.'


----My dear, dear brother, answered my uncle _Toby_, rising up by my father's help, say no more about it; --you are heartily welcome, had it been ten times as much, brother.

'My dear, dear brother,' answered my uncle, 'say no more about it; you are heartily welcome, brother.'


But 'tis ungenerous, replied my father, to hurt any man; ----a brother worse; ----but to hurt a brother of such gentle manners, --so unprovoking, --and so unresenting; ----'tis base: ----By Heaven, 'tis cowardly.

'But 'tis ungenerous,' replied my father, 'to hurt any man; - a brother worse; but to hurt a brother of such gentle manners, - 'tis base: 'tis cowardly.


--You are heartily welcome, brother, quoth my uncle _Toby_, ------had it been fifty times as much.


----Besides, what have I to do, my dear _Toby_, cried my father, either with your amusements or your pleasures, unless it was in my power (which it is not) to increase their measure?

Besides, what have I to do, my dear Toby, with your pleasures, unless it was in my power (which it is not) to increase them?'


----Brother _Shandy_, answered my uncle _Toby_, looking wistfully in his face, ----you are much mistaken in this point: --for you do increase my pleasure very much, in begetting children for the _Shandy_ family at your time of life.

'Brother Shandy,' answered my uncle Toby, looking wistfully in his face, 'you do increase my pleasure very much, in begetting children for the Shandy family at your time of life.'


--But, by that, Sir, quoth Dr. _Slop_, Mr. _Shandy_ increases his own.

'By that, Sir,' quoth Dr. Slop, 'Mr. Shandy increases his own pleasure.'


----I won't go about to argue the point with you--'tis so----and I am persuaded of it, madam, as much as can be, "That both man and woman bear pain or sorrow (and, for aught I know, pleasure too) best in a horizontal position."

I am persuaded, madam, 'That both man and woman bear pain or sorrow (and, for aught I know, pleasure too) best in a horizontal position.'


The moment my father got up into his chamber, he threw himself prostrate across the bed in the wildest disorder imaginable, but at the same time in the most lamentable attitude of a man borne down with sorrows, that ever the eye of pity dropp'd a tear for.

The moment my father got into his chamber, he wildly threw himself prostrate across the bed in the attitude of a man borne down with sorrows.


----The palm of his right hand, as he fell upon the bed, receiving his forehead, and covering the greatest part of both his eyes, gently sunk down with his head (his elbow giving way backwards) till his nose touch'd the quilt; ----his left arm hung insensible over the side of the bed, his knuckles reclining upon the handle of the chamber-pot, which peep'd out beyond the valance--his right leg (his left being drawn up towards his body) hung half over the side of the bed, the edge of it pressing upon his shin-bone --He felt it not.

- The palm of his right hand covering both his eyes, he gently sunk down till his nose touched the quilt; his left arm hung over the side of the bed, his knuckles reclining upon the handle of the chamber-pot - his right leg dangled half over the bed, the edge of it pressing on his shin-bone.
- He felt it not.


A fix'd, inflexible sorrow took possession of every line of his face.

Sorrow took possession of every line of his face.


--He sigh'd once----heaved his breast often--but uttered not a word.

He sighed once - heaved his breast often - but uttered not a word.


An old set-stitch'd chair, valanced and fringed around with party-coloured worsted bobs, stood at the bed's head, opposite to the side where my father's head reclined.

An old chair, fringed with woollen bobs, stood at the bed's head.


Before an affliction is digested--consolation ever comes too soon; --and after it is digested--it comes too late: so that you see, madam, there is but a mark between these two, as fine almost as a hair, for a comforter to take aim at: my uncle _Toby_ was always either on this side, or on that of it, and would often say, he believed in his heart he could as soon hit the longitude; for this reason, when he sat down in the chair, he drew the curtain a little forwards, and having a tear at every one's service----he pull'd out a cambrick handkerchief----gave a low sigh----but held his peace.

Before an affliction is digested, consolation always comes too soon; and after it is digested - it comes too late: so that you see, madam, there is only a mark between these two as fine as a hair, for a comforter to take aim at. My uncle Toby was always either on this side, or on that of it, and did not believe he could hit the mark; therefore, when he sat down, he drew the curtain a little, pulled out a handkerchief - gave a low sigh - but held his peace.


The fifteenth chapter is come at last; and brings nothing with it but a sad signature of "How our pleasures slip from under us in this world!"

The fifteenth chapter is come at last; and brings nothing with it a sad example of 'How our pleasures slip from under us in this world!'


For in talking of my digression ----I declare before heaven I have made it!

For in talking of my digression - I declare before heaven I have made it!


'Tis very true, said I----but 'twere better to get all these things out of our heads, and return to my uncle _Toby_.

Better get all these things out of our heads, and return to my uncle Toby.


When the precipitancy of a man's wishes hurries on his ideas ninety times faster than the vehicle he rides in--woe be to truth!

When a man's wishes hurry on his ideas ninety times faster than the vehicle he rides in - woe be to truth!


and woe be to the vehicle and its tackling (let 'em be made of what stuff you will) upon which he breathes forth the disappointment of his soul!

and woe be to the vehicle upon which he breathes forth his disappointment!


As I never give general characters either of men or things in choler, "_the most haste the worst speed_," was all the reflection I made upon the affair, the first time it happen'd; --the second, third, fourth, and fifth time, I confined it respectively to those times, and accordingly blamed only the second, third, fourth, and fifth post-boy for it, without carrying my reflections further; but the event continuing to befal me from the fifth, to the sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth time, and without one exception, I then could not avoid making a national reflection of it, which I do in these words;

As I never describe men or things in anger, 'more haste less speed,' was all the reflection I made upon the affair, the first time it happened. The second, third, fourth, and fifth time, I blamed only the second, third, fourth, and fifth post-boys, without reflecting further; but when the event befell me a sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth time, I could not avoid making a national reflection:


_That something is always wrong in a French post-chaise, upon first setting out._


_A French postilion has always to alight before he has got three hundred yards out of town._

A French postilion always has to alight before he has got three hundred yards out of town.


----a tag, a rag, a jag, a strap, a buckle, or a buckle's tongue, want altering.

- a tag, a rag, a jag, a strap, a buckle, wants altering.


Now true as all this is, I never think myself impowered to excommunicate thereupon either the post-chaise, or its driver----nor do I take it into my head to swear by the living G--, I would rather go a-foot ten thousand times----or that I will be damn'd, if ever I get into another----but I take the matter coolly before me, and consider, that some tag, or rag, or jag, or bolt, or buckle, or buckle's tongue, will ever be a wanting, or want altering, travel where I will--so I never chaff, but take the good and the bad as they fall in my road, and get on: ----Do so, my lad!

Now, I never swear at the post-chaise, or its driver - but I take the matter coolly, and consider that some tag, rag, jag, strap or buckle will always want altering, wherever I travel. So I take the good and the bad as they fall in my road, and get on.
'Do so, my lad!'


said I; he had lost five minutes already, in alighting in order to get at a luncheon of black bread, which he had cramm'd into the chaise-pocket, and was remounted, and going leisurely on, to relish it the better ----Get on, my lad, said I, briskly--but in the most persuasive tone imaginable, for I jingled a four-and-twenty sous piece against the glass, taking care to hold the flat side towards him, as he look'd back: the dog grinn'd intelligence from his right ear to his left, and behind his sooty muzzle discovered such a pearly row of teeth, that _Sovereignty_ would have pawn'd her jewels for them.----

said I; he had lost five minutes already, in alighting to get a luncheon of black bread, which he had crammed into the chaise-pocket, and he had remounted and was going leisurely on, to relish it the better - 'Get on, my lad,' said I, briskly - but in the most persuasive tone imaginable, for I jingled a coin against the glass: the dog grinned from ear to ear, and behind his sooty muzzle uncovered a pearly row of teeth.


and so as he finished the last mouthful of it, we entered the town of _Montreuil_.

- and so as he finished his last mouthful, we entered the town of Montreuil.


I would not give a groat for that man's knowledge in pencraft, who does not understand this, ----That the best plain narrative in the world, tacked very close to the last spirited apostrophe to my uncle _Toby_----would have felt both cold and vapid upon the reader's palate; --therefore I forthwith put an end to the chapter, though I was in the middle of my story.

Any writer understands this, - that the best narrative in the world, tacked too close to the last spirited appeal to my uncle Toby, would have felt cold and vapid; therefore I ended the chapter, though I was in the middle of my story.


------Writers of my stamp have one principle in common with painters.


Where an exact copying makes our pictures less striking, we choose the less evil; deeming it even more pardonable to trespass against truth, than beauty.

Where exact copying makes our pictures less striking, we think it more pardonable to trespass against truth, than beauty.


This is to be understood _cum grano salis_; but be it as it will, --as the parallel is made more for the sake of letting the apostrophe cool, than any thing else, --'tis not very material whether upon any other score the reader approves of it or not.

This is to be understood with a grain of salt; but as the parallel is made more for the sake of letting the last chapter cool, than anything else, it does not matter greatly whether the reader approves of it or not.


In the latter end of the third year, my uncle _Toby_ perceiving that the parameter and semiparameter of the conic section angered his wound, he left off the study of projectiles in a kind of a huff, and betook himself to the practical part of fortification only; the pleasure of which, like a spring held back, returned upon him with redoubled force.

In the latter end of the third year, my uncle Toby, seeing that the parameter and semiparameter of the conic section angered his wound, left off the study of projectiles in a kind of a huff, and kept to the practical part of fortification only; the pleasure of which, like a spring held back, returned upon him with redoubled force.


It was in this year that my uncle began to break in upon the daily regularity of a clean shirt, ----to dismiss his barber unshaven, ----and to allow his surgeon scarce time sufficient to dress his wound, concerning himself so little about it, as not to ask him once in seven times dressing, how it went on: when, lo!

It was in this year that my uncle began to cease to wear a clean shirt daily, - to dismiss his barber unshaven, and to allow his surgeon scarce time enough to dress his wound: lo!


--all of a sudden, for the change was quick as lightning, he began to sigh heavily for his recovery, ----complained to my father, grew impatient with the surgeon: ----and one morning, as he heard his foot coming up stairs, he shut up his books, and thrust aside his instruments, in order to expostulate with him upon the protraction of the cure, which, he told him, might surely have been accomplished at least by that time: --He dwelt long upon the miseries he had undergone, and the sorrows of his four years melancholy imprisonment; --adding, that had it not been for the kind looks and fraternal chearings of the best of brothers, --he had long since sunk under his misfortunes.

all of a sudden, he began to sigh heavily for his recovery, - complained to my father, and grew impatient with the surgeon. One morning, as he heard him coming up stairs, he shut his books, in order to expostulate with him. He dwelt long upon the miseries he had undergone in the last four melancholy years; - adding, that had it not been for his brother's kindness, he would have sunk under his misfortunes.


----My father was by: My uncle _Toby's_ eloquence brought tears into his eyes; ----'twas unexpected: ----My uncle _Toby_, by nature was not eloquent; --it had the greater effect: ----The surgeon was confounded; ----not that there wanted grounds for such, or greater marks of impatience, --but 'twas unexpected too; in the four years he had attended him, he had never seen anything like it in my uncle _Toby's_ carriage; he had never once dropped one fretful or discontented word; ----he had been all patience, --all submission.

My father was nearby: my uncle Toby's unexpected eloquence brought tears into his eyes. The surgeon was confounded; in the four years he had attended him, my uncle Toby had never dropped one fretful word; - he had been all submission.


--We lose the right of complaining sometimes by forbearing it; --but we often treble the force: --The surgeon was astonished; but much more so, when he heard my uncle _Toby_ go on, and peremptorily insist upon his healing up the wound directly, --or sending for Monsieur _Ronjat_, the king's serjeant-surgeon, to do it for him.

So the surgeon was astonished when he heard my uncle peremptorily insist upon his healing the wound directly, or sending for the king's surgeon to do it for him.


The desire of life and health is implanted in man's nature; ----the love of liberty and enlargement is a sister-passion to it: These my uncle _Toby_ had in common with his species; ----and either of them had been sufficient to account for his earnest desire to get well and out of doors; ----but I have told you before, that nothing wrought with our family after the common way; ----and from the time and manner in which this eager desire shewed itself in the present case, the penetrating reader will suspect there was some other cause or crotchet for it in my uncle _Toby's_ head: ----There was so, and 'tis the subject of the next chapter to set forth what that cause and crotchet was.

Mu uncle Toby had a desire of life and health in common with his species; but I have told you before, that nothing affected our family the common way; and from the manner in which this eager desire now showed itself, the penetrating reader will suspect there was some other cause for it in my uncle's head.
'Tis the subject of the next chapter to set forth what that cause was.


I own, when that's done, 'twill be time to return back to the parlour fire-side, where we left my uncle _Toby_ in the middle of his sentence.

When that's done, 'twill be time to return to the parlour fire-side, where we left my uncle Toby in the middle of his sentence.


Your honour, said _Trim_, shutting the parlour-door before he began to speak, has heard, I imagine, of this unlucky accident ----O yes, _Trim_, said my uncle _Toby_, and it gives me great concern.

'Your honour,' said Trim, shutting the parlour-door, 'has heard, I imagine, of the unlucky accident?'
'O yes, Trim,' said my uncle Toby, 'and it gives me great concern.'


--I am heartily concerned too, but I hope your honour, replied _Trim_, will do me the justice to believe, that it was not in the least owing to me.

'I am heartily concerned too,' replied Trim, 'but I hope your honour will believe that it was not in the least owing to me.'


----To thee--_Trim?_ --cried my uncle _Toby_, looking kindly in his face------'twas _Susannah's_ and the curate's folly betwixt them.

'To thee, Trim?' cried my uncle Toby kindly. ''Twas Susannah's and the curate's folly betwixt them.'


------What business could they have together, an' please your honour, in the garden?

'What business could they have together in the garden?'


----In the gallery thou meanest, replied my uncle _Toby_.

'In the gallery, thou meanest,' replied my uncle.


_Trim_ found he was upon a wrong scent, and stopped short with a low bow ----Two misfortunes, quoth the corporal to himself, are twice as many at least as are needful to be talked over at one time; ----the mischief the cow has done in breaking into the fortifications, may be told his honour hereafter.

Trim found he was upon a wrong scent, and stopped short. Two misfortunes, quoth he to himself, are twice as many as are needed now; - the mischief the cow has done in breaking into the fortifications, may be told to his honour later.


----_Trim's_ casuistry and address, under the cover of his low bow, prevented all suspicion in my uncle _Toby_, so he went on with what he had to say to _Trim_ as follows:

My uncle Toby, free of all suspicion, went on:


------For my own part, _Trim_, though I can see little or no difference betwixt my nephew's being called _Tristram_ or _Trismegistus_--yet as the thing sits so near my brother's heart, _Trim_ ------I would freely have given a hundred pounds rather than it should have happened.

'For my own part, Trim, I can see little difference betwixt my nephew's being called Tristram or Trismegistus - though as it sits so near my brother's heart, I would have given a hundred pounds for it not to have happened.'


----A hundred pounds, an' please your honour!


replied _Trim_, ----I would not give a cherry-stone to boot.

replied Trim. 'I would not give a cherry-stone.'


----Nor would I, _Trim_, upon my own account, quoth my uncle _Toby_, --------but my brother, whom there is no arguing with in this case--maintains that a great deal more depends, _Trim_, upon christian-names, than what ignorant people imagine----for he says there never was a great or heroic action performed since the world began by one called _Tristram_--nay, he will have it, _Trim_, that a man can neither be learned, or wise, or brave.

'Nor would I, Trim, upon my own account; but my brother, whom there is no arguing with in this case, maintains that a great deal depends upon christian-names - and he says there never was an heroic action performed by one called Tristram. He holds that a Tristram cannot be learned, wise, or brave.'


----'Tis all fancy, an' please your honour --I fought just as well, replied the corporal, when the regiment called me _Trim_, as when they called me _James Butler_.

''Tis all fancy, your honour - I fought just as well,' replied the corporal, 'when the regiment called me Trim, as when they called me James Butler.'


----And for my own part, said my uncle _Toby_, though I should blush to boast of myself, _Trim_----yet had my name been _Alexander_, I could have done no more at _Namur_ than my duty.

'For my own part,' said my uncle Toby, 'though I should blush to boast, Trim - yet had my name been Alexander, I could have done no more at Namur than my duty.'


cried _Trim_, advancing three steps as he spoke, does a man think of his christian-name when he goes upon the attack?

cried Trim, 'does a man think of his christian-name when he goes upon the attack?'


------Or when he stands in the trench, _Trim?_ cried my uncle _Toby_, looking firm.

'Or when he stands in the trench, Trim?' cried my uncle.


said _Trim_, pushing in between two chairs.


cried my uncle, rising up, and pushing his crutch like a pike.


cried _Trim_, presenting his stick like a fire-lock.


cried my uncle _Toby_, looking warm and setting his foot upon his stool.------

cried my uncle Toby warmly, as he set his foot upon the stool.


The draw-bridge being held irreparable, _Trim_ was ordered directly to set about another------but not upon the same model: for cardinal _Alberoni's_ intrigues at that time being discovered, and my uncle _Toby_ rightly foreseeing that a flame would inevitably break out betwixt _Spain_ and the Empire, and that the operations of the ensuing campaign must in all likelihood be either in _Naples_ or _Sicily_----he determined upon an _Italian_ bridge--(my uncle _Toby_, by the bye, was not far out of his conjectures)----but my father, who was infinitely the better politician, and took the lead as far of my uncle _Toby_ in the cabinet, as my uncle _Toby_ took it of him in the field------convinced him, that if the king of _Spain_ and the Emperor went together by the ears, _England_ and _France_ and _Holland_ must, by force of their pre-engagements, all enter the lists too; ----and if so, he would say, the combatants, brother _Toby_, as sure as we are alive, will fall to it again, pell-mell, upon the old prizefighting stage of _Flanders_; --then what will you do with your _Italian_ bridge?

The draw-bridge being irreparable, Trim was ordered to start another - but not upon the same model: for my uncle Toby rightly foreseeing that warfare would break out betwixt Spain and the Empire, and that the campaign must in all likelihood be in Naples or Sicily, he determined upon an Italian bridge.


--We will go on with it then upon the old model, cried my uncle _Toby_.


When Corporal _Trim_ had about half finished it in that style----my uncle _Toby_ found out a capital defect in it, which he had never thoroughly considered before.

When Corporal Trim had about half finished it, my uncle Toby found a defect which he had never considered before.


It turned, it seems, upon hinges at both ends of it, opening in the middle, one half of which turning to one side of the fosse, and the other to the other; the advantage of which was this, that by dividing the weight of the bridge into two equal portions, it impowered my uncle _Toby_ to raise it up or let it down with the end of his crutch, and with one hand, which, as his garrison was weak, was as much as he could well spare--but the disadvantages of such a construction were insurmountable; ----for by this means, he would say, I leave one half of my bridge in my enemy's possession----and pray of what use is the other?

The draw-bridge turned upon hinges at both ends, opening in the middle, one half turning to one side of the fosse, and the other to the other.
The advantage of this was, that by dividing the weight of the bridge into two equal portions, it allowed my uncle to raise it up or let it down with the end of his crutch; but the disadvantages were great - 'for by this means,' he would say, 'I leave one half of my bridge in my enemy's possession, and pray of what use is the other?'


The natural remedy for this was, no doubt, to have his bridge fast only at one end with hinges, so that the whole might be lifted up together, and stand bolt upright------but that was rejected for the reason given above.

The natural remedy for this was to have his bridge fastened only at one end with hinges, so that the whole might be lifted up together, and stand bolt upright - but that would require too much strength to operate.


For a whole week after he was determined in his mind to have one of that particular construction which is made to draw back horizontally, to hinder a passage; and to thrust forwards again to gain a passage--of which sorts your worship might have seen three famous ones at _Spires_ before its destruction--and one now at _Brisac_, if I mistake not; --but my father advising my uncle _Toby_, with great earnestness, to have nothing more to do with thrusting bridges--and my uncle foreseeing moreover that it would but perpetuate the memory of the Corporal's misfortune--he changed his mind for that of the marquis _d'Hpital's_ invention, which the younger _Bernouilli_ has so well and learnedly described, as your worships may see------_Act.

For a whole week, my uncle Toby was determined to have one constructed to draw back horizontally, to hinder a passage; and to thrust forwards again to gain a passage - but on my father advising him earnestly to have nothing more to do with thrusting bridges, he changed his mind for that of the marquis d'Hpital's invention: with


1695--to these a lead weight is an eternal balance, and keeps watch as well as a couple of centinels, inasmuch as the construction of them was a curve line approximating to a cycloid------if not a cycloid itself.

a lead weight as an eternal balance, constructed in a curve approximating to a cycloid - if not a cycloid itself.


My uncle _Toby_ understood the nature of a parabola as well as any man in _England_--but was not quite such a master of the cycloid; ----he talked however about it every day----the bridge went not forwards.

My uncle Toby understood the nature of a parabola as well as any man in England, but was not quite such a master of the cycloid.


----We'll ask somebody about it, cried my uncle _Toby_ to _Trim_.

'We'll ask somebody about it,' he cried to Trim.


Though in one sense, our family was certainly a simple machine, as it consisted of a few wheels; yet there was thus much to be said for it, that these wheels were set in motion by so many different springs, and acted one upon the other from such a variety of strange principles and impulses----that though it was a simple machine, it had all the honour and advantages of a complex one, ----and a number of as odd movements within it, as ever were beheld in the inside of a _Dutch_ silk-mill.

Though in one sense, our family was a simple machine, consisting of only a few wheels; yet these wheels were set in motion by so many different springs, and such a variety of strange principles and impulses - that although it was a simple machine, it had all the appearance of a complex one, with as many odd movements within it as ever were beheld in the inside of a Dutch silk-mill.


Amongst these there was one, I am going to speak of, in which, perhaps, it was not altogether so singular, as in many others; and it was this, that whatever motion, debate, harangue, dialogue, project, or dissertation, was going forwards in the parlour, there was generally another at the same time, and upon the same subject, running parallel along with it in the kitchen.

Amongst them was this effect: that whatever debate or dialogue was going on in the parlour, there was generally another at the same time, and upon the same subject, running parallel along with it in the kitchen.


Now to bring this about, whenever an extraordinary message, or letter, was delivered in the parlour--or a discourse suspended till a servant went out--or the lines of discontent were observed to hang upon the brows of my father or mother--or, in short, when anything was supposed to be upon the tapis worth knowing or listening to, 'twas the rule to leave the door, not absolutely shut, but somewhat a-jar--as it stands just now, --which, under covert of the bad hinge (and that possibly might be one of the many reasons why it was never mended), it was not difficult to manage; by which means, in all these cases, a passage was generally left, not indeed as wide as the _Dardanelles_, but wide enough, for all that, to carry on as much of this wind-ward trade, as was sufficient to save my father the trouble of governing his house; --my mother at this moment stands profiting by it.

Now to bring this about, whenever an extraordinary message or letter was delivered in the parlour - or my mother or father were observed by the servants to be arguing or discontented - in short, when there was anything worth knowing or listening to, 'twas the rule to leave the door not absolutely shut, but somewhat ajar - as it stands just now - which, under cover of the bad hinge (and that might be one of the many reasons why it was never mended) was not difficult to manage.
My mother at this moment stands profiting by this gap.


--_Obadiah_ did the same thing, as soon as he had left the letter upon the table which brought the news of my brother's death, so that before my father had well got over his surprise, and entered upon this harangue, --had _Trim_ got upon his legs, to speak his sentiments upon the subject.

- Obadiah did the same thing, as soon as he had left the letter with the news of my brother's death; so that before my father had got over his surprise, and begun his speech, Trim in the kitchen had stood up to speak his sentiments on the subject.


A curious observer of nature, had he been worth the inventory of all Job's stock--though by the by, _your curious observers are seldom worth a groat_--would have given the half of it, to have heard Corporal _Trim_ and my father, two orators so contrasted by nature and education, haranguing over the same bier.

A curious observer would have given a great deal to have heard Corporal Trim and my father, two orators so contrasted by nature and education, haranguing over the same bier.


My father--a man of deep reading--prompt memory--with _Cato_, and _Seneca_, and _Epictetus_, at his fingers ends.--

My father - a man of deep reading and prompt memory - with Cato and Seneca at his fingers' ends.


The corporal--with nothing--to remember--of no deeper reading than his muster-roll--or greater names at his fingers end, than the contents of it.

The corporal - with no deeper reading than his muster-roll.


The one proceeding from period to period, by metaphor and allusion, and striking the fancy as he went along (as men of wit and fancy do) with the entertainment and pleasantry of his pictures and images.

The one proceeding from metaphor to allusion, and striking the fancy as he went along with the pleasantry of his images.


The other, without wit or antithesis, or point, or turn, this way or that; but leaving the images on one side, and the picture on the other, going straight forwards as nature could lead him, to the heart.

The other, without wit or antithesis, leaving the images aside, and going straight to the heart.


O _Trim!_ would to heaven thou had'st a better historian!

O Trim! would to heaven thou had'st a better historian!


--would thy historian had a better pair of breeches!


I had not gone above two leagues and a half, before the man with his gun began to look at his priming.


I had three several times loiter'd _terribly_ behind; half a mile at least every time; once, in deep conference with a drum-maker, who was making drums for the fairs of _Baucaira_ and _Tarascone_ --I did not understand the principles----

I had three times loitered terribly behind, half a mile at least every time; once, talking to a drum-maker - I did not understand his craft-


The second time, I cannot so properly say, I stopp'd----for meeting a couple of _Franciscans_ straitened more for time than myself, and not being able to get to the bottom of what I was about ----I had turn'd back with them----

The second time, I met a couple of Franciscans more short of time than myself, and not being able to get to the bottom of what I was about - I had turned back with them-


The third, was an affair of trade with a gossip, for a hand-basket of _Provence_ figs for four sous; this would have been transacted at once; but for a case of conscience at the close of it; for when the figs were paid for, it turn'd out, that there were two dozen of eggs cover'd over with vine-leaves at the bottom of the basket--as I had no intention of buying eggs --I made no sort of claim of them--as for the space they had occupied--what signified it?

The third time was to trade with a gossip, a basket of Provence figs for four sous; but when the figs were paid for, it turned out that there were two dozen eggs covered with vine-leaves at the bottom of the basket. I had no intention of buying eggs-


--But it was my intention to have the basket--it was the gossip's intention to keep it, without which, she could do nothing with her eggs----and unless I had the basket, I could do as little with my figs, which were too ripe already, and most of 'em burst at the side: this brought on a short contention, which terminated in sundry proposals, what we should both do----

But I wanted the basket - and the gossip wanted to keep it, or she could do nothing with her eggs - and without it I could do nothing with my figs, which were too ripe already, and most of 'em burst at the side: this brought on a short argument, which ended in different proposals about what we should both do.


----How we disposed of our eggs and figs, I defy you, or the Devil himself, had he not been there (which I am persuaded he was), to form the least probable conjecture: You will read the whole of it------not this year, for I am hastening to the story of my uncle _Toby's_ amours--but you will read it in the collection of those which have arose out of the journey across this plain--and which, therefore, I call my

- How we disposed of our eggs and figs, I defy you to guess. You will read the whole of it - not this year, for I am hastening to the story of my uncle Toby's amours - but you will read it in the collection of stories which arose out of the journey across this plain - and which, therefore, I call my


How far my pen has been fatigued, like those of other travellers, in this journey of it, over so barren a track--the world must judge--but the traces of it, which are now all set o' vibrating together this moment, tell me 'tis the most fruitful and busy period of my life; for as I had made no convention with my man with the gun, as to time--by stopping and talking to every soul I met, who was not in a full trot--joining all parties before me--waiting for every soul behind--hailing all those who were coming through cross-roads--arresting all kinds of beggars, pilgrims, fiddlers, friars----not passing by a woman in a mulberry-tree without commending her legs, and tempting her into conversation with a pinch of snuff ------In short, by seizing every handle, of what size or shape soever, which chance held out to me in this journey --I turned my _plain_ into a _city_ --I was always in company, and with great variety too; and as my mule loved society as much as myself, and had some proposals always on his part to offer to every beast he met --I am confident we could have passed through _Pall-Mall_, or St. _James's_-Street for a month together, with fewer adventures--and seen less of human nature.

How fatigued my pen has been in this journey over so barren a track, the world must judge - but the traces of it, which are all vibrating together this moment, tell me 'tis the most fruitful and busy period of my life; for as I had made no agreement with my man with the gun, as to time - by stopping and talking to every soul I met - joining all parties before me - waiting for everyone behind - hailing all kinds of pilgrims, fiddlers and friars - not passing a woman in a mulberry-tree without commending her legs, and tempting her into conversation with a pinch of snuff-
In short, by seizing every handle which chance held out to me in this journey, I turned my plain into a city. - I was always in company, and as my mule loved society as much as myself, and had some proposals to offer to every beast he met - I am confident we could have passed through London for a month with fewer adventures.


there is that sprightly frankness, which at once unpins every plait of a _Languedocian's_ dress--that whatever is beneath it, it looks so like the simplicity which poets sing of in better days --I will delude my fancy, and believe it is so.

there is that sprightly frankness in the Languedocians that looks like the simplicity which poets sing of in better days. - I will delude my fancy, and believe it is so.


'Twas in the road betwixt _Nismes_ and _Lunel_, where there is the best _Muscatto_ wine in all _France_, and which by the bye belongs to the honest canons of MONTPELLIER--and foul befal the man who has drank it at their table, who grudges them a drop of it.

'Twas in the road betwixt Nismes and Lunel, where there is the best Muscatto wine in France.


----The sun was set--they had done their work; the nymphs had tied up their hair afresh--and the swains were preparing for a carousal----my mule made a dead point----'Tis the fife and tabourin, said I ----I'm frighten'd to death, quoth he ----They are running at the ring of pleasure, said I, giving him a prick ----By saint _Boogar_, and all the saints at the backside of the door of purgatory, said he--(making the same resolution with the abbesse of _Andoillets_) I'll not go a step further------'Tis very well, sir, said I ----I never will argue a point with one of your family, as long as I live; so leaping off his back, and kicking off one boot into this ditch, and t'other into that --I'll take a dance, said I--so stay you here.

The sun was set - work was finished; the nymphs had tied up their hair - the men were preparing for a carousal - my mule stopped dead.
''Tis the fife and tambourine,' said I.
'I'm frightened to death,' quoth he. 'By saint Boogar, I'll not go a step further.'
'Very well, sir,' said I, leaping off his back, and kicking off my boots. 'I'll take a dance, - so stay you here.'


A sun-burnt daughter of Labour rose up from the groupe to meet me, as I advanced towards them; her hair, which was a dark chesnut approaching rather to a black, was tied up in a knot, all but a single tress.

A sun-burnt daughter of Labour rose up from the group to meet me as I advanced; her chestnut hair was tied up in a knot, but for a single tress.


We want a cavalier, said she, holding out both her hands, as if to offer them --And a cavalier ye shall have; said I, taking hold of both of them.

'We want a cavalier,' said she, holding out her hands.
'And a cavalier ye shall have,' said I, taking them.


Hadst thou, _Nannette_, been array'd like a dutchesse!

Hadst thou only, Nannette, been dressed like a duchess!


----But that cursed slit in thy petticoat!

- But that cursed slit in thy petticoat!


We could not have done without you, said she, letting go one hand, with self-taught politeness, leading me up with the other.


A lame youth, whom _Apollo_ had recompensed with a pipe, and to which he had added a tabourin of his own accord, ran sweetly over the prelude, as he sat upon the bank ----Tie me up this tress instantly, said _Nannette_, putting a piece of string into my hand --It taught me to forget I was a stranger ----The whole knot fell down ----We had been seven years acquainted.

A lame youth with a pipe and a tambourine ran sweetly over the prelude, as he sat upon the bank.
'Tie me up this tress of hair,' said Nannette, putting a piece of string into my hand . - I forgot I was a stranger. - The knot fell down - we had been seven years acquainted.


The youth struck the note upon the tabourin--his pipe followed, and off we bounded---- "the duce take that slit!"


The sister of the youth, who had stolen her voice from heaven, sung alternately with her brother----'twas a _Gascoigne_ roundelay.

The youth's sister sang like an angel - 'twas a Gascoigne roundelay.


The nymphs join'd in unison, and their swains an octave below them----

The nymphs joined in, and their swains an octave below them.


I would have given a crown to have it sew'd up--_Nannette_ would not have given a SOUS--_Viva la joia!_ was in her lips--_Viva la joia!_ was in her eyes.

'Viva la joia!' was on Nanette's lips - and in her eyes.


A transient spark of amity shot across the space betwixt us ----She look'd amiable!

A spark of amity shot across the space betwixt us.


----Why could I not live, and end my days thus?

Why could I not live and end my days thus?


Just Disposer of our joys and sorrows, cried I, why could not a man sit down in the lap of content here----and dance, and sing, and say his prayers, and go to heaven with this nut-brown maid?

why could not a man sit down in the lap of content here - and dance, and sing, and say his prayers, and go to heaven with this nut-brown maid?


Capriciously did she bend her head on one side, and dance up insidious ----Then 'tis time to dance off, quoth I; so changing only partners and tunes, I danced it away from _Lunel_ to _Montpellier_----from thence to _Pesnas_, _Beziers_ ----I danced it along through _Narbonne_, _Carcasson_, and _Castle Naudairy_, till at last I danced myself into _Perdrillo's_ pavillion, where pulling out a paper of black lines, that I might go on straight forwards, without digression or parenthesis, in my uncle _Toby's_ amours----

''Tis time to dance off,' quoth I; so changing partners and tunes, I danced it away from Lunel to Montpellier - from thence to Beziers - through Narbonne and Carcasson, till at last I danced myself into Perdrillo's pavilion, where pulling out a lined paper, so that I might go straight on, without digression, to my uncle Toby's amours-


I told the Christian reader in the beginning of the chapter which preceded my uncle _Toby's_ apologetical oration, --though in a different trope from what I should make use of now, That the peace of _Utrecht_ was within an ace of creating the same shyness betwixt my uncle _Toby_ and his hobby-horse, as it did betwixt the queen and the rest of the confederating powers.

I told the Christian reader in the beginning of the chapter which preceded my uncle Toby's apologetical oration, that the peace of Utrecht almost parted my uncle Toby from his hobby-horse.


There is an indignant way in which a man sometimes dismounts his horse, which as good as says to him, "I'll go afoot, Sir, all the days of my life, before I would ride a single mile upon your back again."

There is an indignant way in which a man sometimes dismounts his horse, which as good as says, 'I'll go afoot all my life, before I would ride a single mile upon your back again.'


Now my uncle _Toby_ could not be said to dismount his horse in this manner; for in strictness of language, he could not be said to dismount his horse at all----his horse rather flung him----and somewhat _viciously_, which made my uncle _Toby_ take it ten times more unkindly.

Now my uncle Toby could not be said to dismount his horse in this manner, or indeed, at all - rather, his horse flung him - and somewhat viciously.


Let this matter be settled by state-jockies as they like.


----It created, I say, a sort of shyness betwixt my uncle _Toby_ and his hobby-horse.

It created a sort of shyness betwixt my uncle Toby and his hobby-horse.


----He had no occasion for him from the month of _March_ to _November_, which was the summer after the articles were signed, except it was now and then to take a short ride out, just to see that the fortifications and harbour of _Dunkirk_ were demolished, according to stipulation.

He had no use for him from March to November, except now and then to take a short ride out, just to see that the fortifications and harbour of Dunkirk were correctly demolished.


The _French_ were so backwards all that summer in setting about that affair, and Monsieur _Tugghe_, the Deputy from the magistrates of _Dunkirk_, presented so many affecting petitions to the queen, --beseeching her majesty to cause only her thunder-bolts to fall upon the martial works, which might have incurred her displeasure, --but to spare--to spare the mole, for the mole's sake; which, in its naked situation, could be no more than an object of pity----and the queen (who was but a woman) being of a pitiful disposition, --and her ministers also, they not wishing in their hearts to have the town dismantled, for these private reasons, * * * * * * * * * * * ----

The French were so backwards all that summer in setting about it, and Monsieur Tugghe, the Deputy at Dunkirk, presented so many affecting petitions to the queen, beseeching her to cause her thunder-bolts to fall only upon the martial works; and the queen having pity, and her ministers not wishing to have the town dismantled, for these private reasons, * * * * * * * * * * *


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ; so that the whole went heavily on with my uncle _Toby_; insomuch, that it was not within three full months, after he and the corporal had constructed the town, and put it in a condition to be destroyed, that the several commandants, commissaries, deputies, negociators, and intendants, would permit him to set about it.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * - it was three full months after my uncle Toby and the corporal had constructed the town, ready to be destroyed, that the commandants, deputies and negotiators would permit him to do so.


The corporal was for beginning the demolition, by making a breach in the ramparts, or main fortifications of the town ----No, --that will never do, corporal, said my uncle _Toby_, for in going that way to work with the town, the _English_ garrison will not be safe in it an hour; because if the _French_ are treacherous ----They are as treacherous as devils, an' please your honour, said the corporal ----It gives me concern always when I hear it, _Trim_, said my uncle _Toby_, --for they don't want personal bravery; and if a breach is made in the ramparts, they may enter it, and make themselves masters of the place when they please: ----Let them enter it, said the corporal, lifting up his pioneer's spade in both his hands, as if he was going to lay about him with it, --let them enter, an' please your honour, if they dare.

The corporal was all for beginning the demolition, by making a breach in the ramparts.
'No, that will never do,' said my uncle Toby, 'for then the English garrison will not be safe an hour; because if the French are treacherous-'
'They are as treacherous as devils, your honour,' said the corporal.
'It gives me concern to hear it, Trim,' said my uncle Toby, 'for they don't lack personal bravery; and if a breach is made in the ramparts, they may enter it, and make themselves masters of the place.'
'Let them enter, if they dare,' said the corporal, brandishing his spade.


----In cases like this, corporal, said my uncle _Toby_, slipping his right hand down to the middle of his cane, and holding it afterwards truncheon-wise with his forefinger extended, ----'tis no part of the consideration of a commandant, what the enemy dare, --or what they dare not do; he must act with prudence.

'In cases like this, corporal,' said my uncle Toby, 'a commandant must act with prudence.


We will begin with the outworks both towards the sea and the land, and particularly with fort _Louis_, the most distant of them all, and demolish it first, --and the rest, one by one, both on our right and left, as we retreat towards the town; ----then we'll demolish the mole, --next fill up the harbour, --then retire into the citadel, and blow it up into the air: and having done that, corporal, we'll embark for _England_.

We will begin with the outworks towards the sea and the land, and demolish the most distant, Fort Louis, first - and the rest, one by one, as we retreat towards the town; then we'll fill up the harbour - retire into the citadel, and blow it up: and then, corporal, we'll embark for England.'


----We are there, quoth the corporal, recollecting himself ----Very true, said my uncle _Toby_--looking at the church.

'We are there,' quoth the corporal, recollecting himself.
'Very true,' said my uncle Toby, looking at the church.


The whole secret of health, said my father, beginning the sentence again, depending evidently upon the due contention betwixt the radical heat and radical moisture within us; --the least imaginable skill had been sufficient to have maintained it, had not the schoolmen confounded the talk, merely (as _Van Helmont_, the famous chymist, has proved) by all along mistaking the radical moisture for the tallow and fat of animal bodies.

'The whole secret of health,' said my father, beginning the sentence again, 'depends upon the contention betwixt the radical heat and radical moisture within us; hardly any skill would be needed to maintain it, if only the schoolmen had not confused matters (as Van Helmont, the famous chemist, has proved) by mistaking the radical moisture for the fat of animal bodies.


Now the radical moisture is not the tallow or fat of animals, but an oily and balsamous substance; for the fat and tallow, as also the phlegm or watery parts, are cold; whereas the oily and balsamous parts are of a lively heat and spirit, which accounts for the observation of _Aristotle_, "_Quod omne animal post coitum est _triste_._"

'Now the radical moisture is not the fat of animals, but an oily and balsamous substance; for the fat is cold; whereas the oily and balsamous parts are of a lively heat and spirit, which accounts for the observation of Aristotle, "Quod omne animal post coitum est triste."


Now it is certain, that the radical heat lives in the radical moisture, but whether _vice vers_, is a doubt: however, when the one decays, the other decays also; and then is produced, either an unnatural heat, which causes an unnatural dryness----or an unnatural moisture, which causes dropsies.

'Now it is certain that the radical heat lives in the radical moisture, but whether vice versa, is a doubt. However, when the one decays, the other decays also; causing either an unnatural heat and dryness - or an unnatural moisture, leading to dropsies.


----So that if a child, as he grows up, can but be taught to avoid running into fire or water, as either of 'em threaten his destruction, ----'twill be all that is needful to be done upon that head.----

So that if a child, as he grows up, can be taught to avoid running into fire or water, as either of 'em threaten his destruction, 'twill be all that needs to be done on that account.'


Was I in a condition to stipulate with Death, as I am this moment with my apothecary, how and where I will take his clyster ----I should certainly declare against submitting to it before my friends; and therefore I never seriously think upon the mode and manner of this great catastrophe, which generally takes up and torments my thoughts as much as the catastrophe itself; but I constantly draw the curtain across it with this wish, that the Disposer of all things may so order it, that it happen not to me in my own house----but rather in some decent inn----at home, I know it, ----the concern of my friends, and the last services of wiping my brows, and smoothing my pillow, which the quivering hand of pale affection shall pay me, will so crucify my soul; that I shall die of a distemper which my physician is not aware of: but in an inn, the few cold offices I wanted, would be purchased with a few guineas, and paid me with an undisturbed, but punctual attention----but mark.

If I could tell Death, like my apothecary, how and where I will take his purge - I should certainly refuse to submit to it before my friends. Therefore I never seriously think upon the manner of this great catastrophe, which torments my thoughts as much as the catastrophe itself; but I constantly draw the curtain across it with this wish, that God may let it happen to me not in my own house - but rather in some decent inn. At home, I know, the concern of my friends, wiping my brows and smoothing my pillow, will crucify my soul; but in an inn, the few cold services I wanted would be purchased with a few guineas, and provided with an undisturbed, but punctual attention.
- But mark.


This inn should not be the inn at _Abbeville_----if there was not another inn in the universe, I would strike that inn out of the capitulation: so

This inn should not be the inn at Abbeville, even if there was no other inn in the universe.


Let the horses be in the chaise exactly by four in the morning ----Yes, by four, Sir, ----or by _Genevieve!_ I'll raise a clatter in the house shall wake the dead.

Let the horses be ready by four in the morning - Yes, by four, Sir! or I'll raise a clatter in the house shall wake the dead.


Now, for what the world thinks of that ejaculation ----I would not give a groat.

Now, for what the world thinks of that ejaculation - I would not give a penny.


When the misfortune of my NOSE fell so heavily upon my father's head; --the reader remembers that he walked instantly up stairs, and cast himself down upon his bed; and from hence, unless he has a great insight into human nature, he will be apt to expect a rotation of the same ascending and descending movements from him, upon his misfortune of my NAME; ----no.

When the misfortune of my Nose fell so heavily upon my father - the reader remembers that he walked upstairs, and cast himself upon his bed; and hence will expect the same movements from him, upon his misfortune of my Name: - no.


The different weight, dear Sir----nay even the different package of two vexations of the same weight----makes a very wide difference in our manner of bearing and getting through with them.

The different weight, dear Sir - nay, even the different packaging of two vexations of the same weight - makes a very wide difference in our manner of bearing them.


----It is not half an hour ago, when (in the great hurry and precipitation of a poor devil's writing for daily bread) I threw a fair sheet, which I had just finished, and carefully wrote out, slap into the fire, instead of the foul one.

Only half an hour ago, in my hurry, I threw a fair page which I had just finished writing out, slap into the fire, instead of the foul one.


Instantly I snatch'd off my wig, and threw it perpendicularly, with all imaginable violence, up to the top of the room--indeed I caught it as it fell----but there was an end of the matter; nor do I think anything else in _Nature_ would have given such immediate ease: She, dear Goddess, by an instantaneous impulse, in all _provoking cases_, determines us to a sally of this or that member--or else she thrusts us into this or that place or posture of body, we know not why ----But mark, madam, we live amongst riddles and mysteries----the most obvious things, which come in our way, have dark sides, which the quickest sight cannot penetrate into; and even the clearest and most exalted understandings amongst us find ourselves puzzled and at a loss in almost every cranny of nature's works: so that this, like a thousand other things, falls out for us in a way, which tho' we cannot reason upon it--yet we find the good of it, may it please your reverences and your worships----and that's enough for us.

Instantly I snatched off my wig, and threw it with all my force up to the ceiling - indeed I caught it as it fell - but there was an end of the matter. I do not think anything else in Nature would have given such immediate ease. She, dear Goddess, in provoking cases, thrusts us into this or that posture, we know not why - but we live amongst riddles and mysteries; though we cannot reason upon it - yet we benefit from it - and that's enough.


Now, my father could not lie down with this affliction for his life----nor could he carry it up stairs like the other--he walked composedly out with it to the fish-pond.

Now, my father could not lie down with this affliction - nor could he carry it upstairs like the other. He walked composedly out with it to the fish-pond.


Had my father leaned his head upon his hand, and reasoned an hour which way to have gone------reason, with all her force, could not have directed him to anything like it: there is something, Sir, in fish-ponds----but what it is, I leave to system-builders and fish-pond-diggers betwixt 'em to find out--but there is something, under the first disorderly transport of the humours, so unaccountably becalming in an orderly and a sober walk towards one of them, that I have often wondered that neither _Pythagoras_, nor _Plato_, nor _Solon_, nor _Lycurgus_, nor _Mahomet_, nor any one of your noted lawgivers, ever gave order about them.

Had my father leaned his head upon his hand, and reasoned an hour which way to go, reason would not have directed him there: but there is something, Sir, so unaccountably becalming in an orderly and sober walk towards a fish-pond, that I have often wondered that neither Pythagoras, nor Plato, nor Solon, nor Lycurgus, nor Mahomet, nor any of your noted lawgivers, ever gave orders about them.


I have begun a new book, on purpose that I might have room enough to explain the nature of the perplexities in which my uncle _Toby_ was involved, from the many discourses and interrogations about the siege of _Namur_, where he received his wound.

I have begun a new book, so that I might have room enough to explain the perplexities in which my uncle Toby was involved, from the many questions about the siege of Namur, where he received his wound.


I must remind the reader, in case he has read the history of King _William's_ wars, --but if he has not, --I then inform him, that one of the most memorable attacks in that siege, was that which was made by the _English_ and _Dutch_ upon the point of the advanced counterscarp, between the gate of _St.

I must remind the reader, if he has read the history of King William's wars, that one of the most memorable attacks in that siege was made by the English and Dutch upon the point of the counterscarp, at the gate of


Nicolas_, which inclosed the great sluice or water-stop, where the _English_ were terribly exposed to the shot of the counter-guard and demi-bastion of _St.

St. Nicolas, which enclosed the great sluice where the English were terribly exposed to the shot of the counter-guard of St. Roch.


The issue of which hot dispute, in three words, was this; That the _Dutch_ lodged themselves upon the counter-guard, --and that the _English_ made themselves masters of the covered-way before _St.

The result of that dispute, in three words, was this: that the Dutch lodged themselves upon the counter-guard, and that the English held the covered-way before


Nicolas_-gate, notwithstanding the gallantry of the _French_ officers, who exposed themselves upon the glacis sword in hand.

St. Nicolas-gate, notwithstanding the gallantry of the French officers on the glacis.


As this was the principal attack of which my uncle _Toby_ was an eye-witness at _Namur_, ----the army of the besiegers being cut off, by the confluence of the _Maes_ and _Sambre_, from seeing much of each other's operations, ----my uncle _Toby_ was generally more eloquent and particular in his account of it; and the many perplexities he was in, arose out of the almost insurmountable difficulties he found in telling his story intelligibly, and giving such clear ideas of the differences and distinctions between the scarp and counter-scarp, --the glacis and covered-way, --the half-moon and ravelin, --as to make his company fully comprehend where and what he was about.

As my uncle Toby was an eye-witness at Namur, he was generally eloquent in his account of it; and the many perplexities he was in, arose out of the difficulties he found in making clear the differences between the scarp and counter-scarp, the glacis and covered-way, and the half-moon and ravelin, so that his company would fully comprehend where and what he was about.


Writers themselves are too apt to confound these terms; so that you will the less wonder, if in his endeavours to explain them, and in opposition to many misconceptions, that my uncle _Toby_ did oft-times puzzle his visitors, and sometimes himself too.

In trying to explain these terms, my uncle Toby did oft-times puzzle his visitors, and sometimes himself too.


To speak the truth, unless the company my father led upstairs were tolerably clear-headed, or my uncle _Toby_ was in one of his explanatory moods, 'twas a difficult thing, do what he could, to keep the discourse free from obscurity.

To speak the truth, unless the company my father led upstairs were very clear-headed, or my uncle Toby was in one of his explanatory moods, 'twas difficult to keep the discourse free from obscurity.


What rendered the account of this affair the more intricate to my uncle _Toby_, was this, --that in the attack of the counterscarp, before the gate of _St.

What especially perplexed my uncle Toby was this: that in the attack of the counterscarp, before the gate of


Nicolas_, extending itself from the bank of the _Maes_, quite up to the great water-stop, --the ground was cut and cross cut with such a multitude of dykes, drains, rivulets, and sluices, on all sides, --and he would get so sadly bewildered, and set fast amongst them, that frequently he could neither get backwards or forwards to save his life; and was oft-times obliged to give up the attack upon that very account only.

St. Nicolas, extending from the bank of the Maes up to the water-stop, the ground was cut across with such a multitude of dykes, drains, rivulets, and sluices, - and he would get so bewildered amongst them, that frequently he could neither go backwards or forwards; and was obliged to give up the attack on that account.


These perplexing rebuffs gave my uncle _Toby Shandy_ more perturbations than you would imagine: and as my father's kindness to him was continually dragging up fresh friends and fresh enquirers, ----he had but a very uneasy task of it.

This perturbed my uncle Toby more than you would imagine: and as my father's kindness was continually dragging up fresh enquirers, he had a very uneasy time.


No doubt my uncle _Toby_ had great command of himself, could guard appearances, I believe, as well as most men; --yet any one may imagine, that when he could not retreat out of the ravelin without getting into the half-moon, or get out of the covered-way without falling down the counterscarp, nor cross the dyke without danger of slipping into the ditch, but that he must have fretted and fumed inwardly: --He did so; and the little and hourly vexations, which may seem trifling and of no account to the man who has not read _Hippocrates_, yet, whoever has read _Hippocrates_, or Dr. _James Mackenzie_, and has considered well the effects which the passions and affections of the mind have upon the digestion--(Why not of a wound as well as of a dinner?)

When he could not retreat out of the ravelin without getting into the half-moon, or get out of the covered-way without falling down the counterscarp, nor cross the dyke without slipping into the ditch, he must have fretted inwardly.
These little vexations, which may seem trifling to the man who has not read Hippocrates, - yet whoever has read Hippocrates or Dr. James Mackenzie, and has considered well the effects which the passions have upon the digestion - (Why not of a wound as well as of a dinner?)


--may easily conceive what sharp paroxysms and exacerbations of his wound my uncle _Toby_ must have undergone upon that score only.

- may easily conceive what sharp paroxysms of his wound my uncle Toby must have undergone.


--My uncle _Toby_ could not philosophize upon it; --'twas enough he felt it was so, --and having sustained the pain and sorrows of it for three months together, he was resolved some way or other to extricate himself.

Having borne the pain of it for three months together, he resolved to extricate himself.


He was one morning lying upon his back in his bed, the anguish and nature of the wound upon his groin suffering him to lie in no other position, when a thought came into his head, that if he could purchase such a thing, and have it pasted down upon a board, as a large map of the fortification of the town and citadel of _Namur_, with its environs, it might be a means of giving him ease.

He was one morning lying upon his back in his bed, the wound upon his groin allowing him to lie in no other position, when a thought came into his head, that if he could have pasted upon a board a large map of the citadel of Namur and its environs, it might be a means of giving him ease.


--I take notice of his desire to have the environs along with the town and citadel, for this reason, --because my uncle _Toby's_ wound was got in one of the traverses, about thirty toises from the returning angle of the trench, opposite to the salient angle of the demi-bastion of _St.

I note his desire to have the environs along with the citadel, because my uncle Toby's wound was got in one of the traverses, about a hundred yards from the angle of the trench opposite the demi-bastion of


Roch_: ----so that he was pretty confident he could stick a pin upon the identical spot of ground where he was standing on when the stone struck him.

St. Roch: - so that he was pretty confident he could stick a pin upon the identical spot of ground where the stone struck him.


All this succeeded to his wishes, and not only freed him from a world of sad explanations, but, in the end, it proved the happy means, as you will read, of procuring my uncle _Toby_ his HOBBY-HORSE.

All this was fulfilled, and not only freed him from a world of sad explanations, but proved the happy means, as you will read, of providing my uncle Toby with his Hobby-Horse.


I am a _Turk_ if I had not as much forgot my mother, as if Nature had plaistered me up, and set me down naked upon the banks of the river _Nile_, without one.

I am a Turk if I had not forgot my mother!


----Your most obedient servant, Madam --I've cost you a great deal of trouble, --I wish it may answer; --but you have left a crack in my back, --and here's a great piece fallen off here before, --and what must I do with this foot?


----I shall never reach _England_ with it.


For my own part, I never wonder at any thing; --and so often has my judgment deceived me in my life, that I always suspect it, right or wrong, --at least I am seldom hot upon cold subjects.

I don't wonder at it; so often has my judgment deceived me, that I always suspect it, right or wrong.


For all this, I reverence truth as much as any body; and when it has slipped us, if a man will but take me by the hand, and go quietly and search for it, as for a thing we have both lost, and can neither of us do well without, --I'll go to the world's end with him: ----But I hate disputes, --and therefore (bating religious points, or such as touch society) I would almost subscribe to any thing which does not choak me in the first passage, rather than be drawn into one.

For all this, I respect truth as much as anybody; and when it has slipped away from us, if a man will but take me by the hand, and go quietly to search for it, as for a thing we have both lost, I'll go to the world's end with him.
But I hate disputes, and therefore (apart from religious points, or those concerning society) I would almost agree to anything that does not choke me, rather than be drawn into one.


----But I cannot bear suffocation, ----and bad smells worst of all.

Yet I cannot bear suffocation - and bad smells worst of all.


----For which reasons, I resolved from the beginning, That if ever the army of martyrs was to be augmented, --or a new one raised, --I would have no hand in it, one way or t'other.

For which reasons, I have resolved that if ever the army of martyrs was to be increased, I would have no hand in it, one way or t'other.


If anything in this world, which my father said, could have provoked my uncle _Toby_, during the time he was in love, it was the perverse use my father was always making of an expression of _Hilarion_ the hermit; who, in speaking of his abstinence, his watchings, flagellations, and other instrumental parts of his religion--would say--tho' with more facetiousness than became an hermit-- "That they were the means he used, to make his _ass_ (meaning his body) leave off kicking."

If anything which my father said could have provoked my uncle Toby while he was in love, it was the perverse use my father was always making of an expression of Hilarion the hermit; who, in speaking of his abstinence, his flagellations, and other parts of his religion, would say - though with more facetiousness than became a hermit - 'That they were the means he used, to make his ass (meaning his body) leave off kicking.'


It pleased my father well; it was not only a laconick way of expressing----but of libelling, at the same time, the desires and appetites of the lower part of us; so that for many years of my father's life, 'twas his constant mode of expression--he never used the word _passions_ once--but _ass_ always instead of them ----So that he might be said truly, to have been upon the bones, or the back of his own ass, or else of some other man's, during all that time.

It pleased my father well; it was a laconic way of expressing and libelling, at the same time, the desires and appetites of the lower part of us; so that for many years of my father's life, he never used the word passions - but always ass instead.


I must here observe to you the difference betwixt


My father's ass and my hobby-horse--in order to keep characters as separate as may be, in our fancies as we go along.


For my hobby-horse, if you recollect a little, is no way a vicious beast; he has scarce one hair or lineament of the ass about him----'Tis the sporting little filly-folly which carries you out for the present hour--a maggot, a butterfly, a picture, a fiddlestick--an uncle _Toby's_ siege--or an _anything_, which a man makes a shift to get a-stride on, to canter it away from the cares and solicitudes of life--'Tis as useful a beast as is in the whole creation--nor do I really see how the world would do without it----

For my hobby-horse, if you recollect, is in no way a vicious beast; he has scarce one hair of the ass about him. - 'Tis the little filly-folly which carries you out for the present hour - a butterfly, a picture, a fiddlestick - uncle Toby's siege - or anything, which a man can get astride on, to canter away from the cares of life. 'Tis as useful a beast as exists in the whole of creation.


mount him--mount him--mount him--(that's three times, is it not?)


--mount him not: --'tis a beast concupiscent--and foul befal the man, who does not hinder him from kicking.

mount him not: 'tis a lustful beast - and foul befall the man who does not stop him from kicking.


King _William_, said my uncle _Toby_, addressing himself to _Yorick_, was so terribly provoked at count _Solmes_ for disobeying his orders, that he would not suffer him to come into his presence for many months after.

'King William,' said my uncle Toby to Yorick, 'was so terribly provoked at Count Solmes for disobeying his orders, that he would not allow him in his presence for months after.'


----I fear, answered _Yorick_, the squire will be as much provoked at the corporal, as the King at the count.

'I fear,' answered Yorick, 'Squire Shandy will be just as much provoked at the corporal.


----But 'twould be singularly hard in this case, continued he, if corporal _Trim_, who has behaved so diametrically opposite to count _Solmes_, should have the fate to be rewarded with the same disgrace: ----too oft in this world, do things take that train.

But 'twould be singularly hard in this case, if corporal Trim, who has behaved so differently to Count Solmes, should be rewarded with the same disgrace.'


----I would spring a mine, cried my uncle _Toby_, rising up, ----and blow up my fortifications, and my house with them, and we would perish under their ruins, ere I would stand by and see it.

'I would blow up my fortifications,' cried my uncle Toby, 'and my house with them, and we would perish under their ruins, before I would stand by and see it.'


----_Trim_ directed a slight, ----but a grateful bow towards his master, ----and so the chapter ends.

Trim directed a grateful bow towards his master - and so the chapter ends.


The corporal, who the night before had resolved in his mind to supply the grand _desideratum_, of keeping up something like an incessant firing upon the enemy during the heat of the attack, --had no further idea in his fancy at that time, than a contrivance of smoking tobacco against the town, out of one of my uncle _Toby's_ six field-pieces, which were planted on each side of his sentry-box; the means of effecting which occurring to his fancy at the time same, though he had pledged his cap, he thought it in no danger from the miscarriage of his projects.

The corporal, who the night before had resolved to keep up something like an incessant firing upon the enemy during the attack, - had no further idea how at that time, other than smoking tobacco out of one of my uncle Toby's six cannon beside his sentry-box.


Upon turning it this way, and that, a little in his mind, he soon began to find out, that by means of his two _Turkish_ tobacco-pipes, with the supplement of three smaller tubes of wash-leather at each of their lower ends, to be tagg'd by the same number of tin-pipes fitted to the touch-holes, and sealed with clay next the cannon, and then tied hermetically with waxed silk at their several insertions into the _Morocco_ tube, --he should be able to fire the six field-pieces all together, and with the same ease as to fire one.------

Upon turning it over in his mind, he soon decided that by means of his two Turkish tobacco-pipes, along with three smaller tubes of leather added to their lower ends, with the same number of tin-pipes fitted to the touch-holes, and sealed with clay next the cannon, and then tied with waxed silk at their insertions into the Morocco tube - he should be able to fire the six field-pieces all together, as easily as firing one.


----Let no man say from what taggs and jaggs hints may not be cut out for the advancement of human knowledge.

Let no man say from what tags and jags human knowledge may not be advanced.


Let no man, who has read my father's first and second _beds of justice_, ever rise up and say again, from collision of what kinds of bodies light may or may not be struck out, to carry the arts and sciences up to perfection.

Let no man, who has read of my father's first and second beds of justice, ever say from what strange sources light may not be struck, to illuminate the arts and sciences.


thou knowest how I love them; ----thou knowest the secrets of my heart, and that I would this moment give my shirt ----Thou art a fool, _Shandy_, says _Eugenius_, for thou hast but a dozen in the world, --and 'twill break thy set.----

thou knowest how I love them - and that I would this moment give my shirt-
'Thou art a fool, Shandy,' says Eugenius, 'for thou hast only a dozen shirts in the world.'


No matter for that, _Eugenius_; I would give the shirt off my back to be burned into tinder, were it only to satisfy one feverish enquirer, how many sparks at one good stroke, a good flint and steel could strike into the tail of it.


----Think ye not that in striking these _in_, --he might, peradventure, strike something _out?_ as sure as a gun.----


The corporal sat up the best part of the night, in bringing _his_ to perfection; and having made a sufficient proof of his cannon, with charging them to the top with tobacco, --he went with contentment to bed.

The corporal sat up the best part of the night, in bringing it to perfection; and having charged his cannon to the top with tobacco, he went contentedly to bed.


I must observe, that although in the first year's campaign, the word _town_ is often mentioned, --yet there was no town at that time within the polygon; that addition was not made till the summer following the spring in which the bridges and sentry-box were painted, which was the third year of my uncle _Toby's_ campaigns, --when upon his taking _Amberg_, _Bonn_, and _Rhinberg_, and _Huy_ and _Limbourg_, one after another, a thought came into the corporal's head, that to talk of taking so many towns, _without one TOWN to shew for it_, --was a very nonsensical way of going to work, and so proposed to my uncle _Toby_, that they should have a little model of a town built for them, --to be run up together of slit deals, and then painted, and clapped within the interior polygon to serve for all.

I must observe, that although in the first year's campaign, the word town is often mentioned, yet a town was not added till the year after the sentry-box was painted, which was the third year of my uncle Toby's campaigns. Upon his taking Amberg, Bonn, Rhinberg, and Huy and Limbourg, one after another, a thought came into the corporal's head, that to talk of taking so many towns, without one town to show for it, was very nonsensical; and so he proposed to my uncle Toby that they should have a little wooden model of a town built, to serve for all.


My uncle _Toby_ felt the good of the project instantly, and instantly agreed to it, but with the addition of two singular improvements, of which he was almost as proud as if he had been the original inventor of the project itself.

My uncle Toby instantly agreed, but with the addition of two singular improvements, of which he was extremely proud.


The one was, to have the town built exactly in the style of those of which it was most likely to be the representative: ----with grated windows, and the gable ends of the houses, facing the streets, &c. &c. --as those in _Ghent_ and _Bruges_, and the rest of the towns in _Brabant_ and _Flanders_.

One was, to have the town built in the Flemish style, with grated windows, and the gable ends facing the streets, &c. - like those in Ghent and Bruges.


The other was, not to have the houses run up together, as the corporal proposed, but to have every house independent, to hook on, or off, so as to form into the plan of whatever town they pleased.

The other was, not to have the houses made together, but to have every house independent, to hook on, or off, so as to form the plan of whatever town they pleased.


This was put directly into hand, and many and many a look of mutual congratulation was exchanged between my uncle _Toby_ and the corporal, as the carpenter did the work.

This was begun directly, and many a look of congratulation was exchanged between my uncle Toby and the corporal, as the carpenter did the work.


----It answered prodigiously the next summer----the town was a perfect _Proteus_ ----It was _Landen_, and _Trerebach_, and _Santvliet_, and _Drusen_, and _Hagenau_, --and then it was _Ostend_ and _Menin_, and _Aeth_ and _Dendermond_.

The next summer, the town was a perfect Proteus, constantly changing from Landen - to Trerebach - to Santvliet - to Drusen - and so on.


----Surely never did any TOWN act so many parts, since _Sodom_ and _Gomorah_, as my uncle _Toby's_ town did.

Surely never did any Town act so many parts, since Sodom and Gomorrah.


In the fourth year, my uncle _Toby_ thinking a town looked foolishly without a church, added a very fine one with a steeple.

In the fourth year, my uncle Toby, thinking a town looked foolish without a church, added a very fine one with a steeple.


----_Trim_ was for having bells in it; ----my uncle _Toby_ said, the metal had better be cast into cannon.

Trim wished for bells in it; my uncle said, the metal had better be cast into cannon.


This led the way the next campaign for half a dozen brass field-pieces, to be planted three and three on each side of my uncle _Toby's_ sentry-box; and in a short time, these led the way for a train of somewhat larger, --and so on--(as must always be the case in hobby-horsical affairs) from pieces of half an inch bore, till it came at last to my father's jack boots.

This led the way for half a dozen brass artillery field-pieces, to be planted three on each side of my uncle Toby's sentry-box; and these soon led to somewhat larger cannons, till it came at last to my father's jack boots.