 CLOSE Citing sex and alcohol addiction, Mel B told British tabloid The Sun she'll be entering a rehab facility in the U.K. Wochit 
 
 Mel B opens up about attempting suicide in 2014. As each pill goes into my mouth, I ask myself: “Are you sure?” And I take another one. Ten, 20, 50, 100. "I'll be wearing a beautiful dress, my hair and make-up will be perfect. But if you want the absolute truth, I don’t care about any of it. My life is a mess and I want out," she wrote in an excerpt published in Britain's The Sun. "One hundred and 20. “Are you sure?” 150. “Are you sure?” 
 
 Behind the glitter of fame, I felt emotionally battered, estranged from my family. © Malachi Banales 2018 11 Mel B shares her suicide attempt in new book Brutally Honest 
 
 Mel B breaks down in counselling with Stephen Belafonte on It's A Scary World' 
 
 Read more from Mel B's 'Brutally Honest' autobiography: 
 
 I felt ugly and detested by the very man who once promised to love and protect me, my husband and manager Stephen. A man who after ten years of marriage now had a library of sex tapes that could — as we both well knew — ruin my career and destroy my family. I wrote frantic, disjointed notes for Phoenix, my eldest daughter, my soulmate — the girl who is little sister, friend and daughter to me. After writing her daughters a suicide note and taking the 200th pill, Brown wrote: "As soon as I’d swallowed that last pill, I knew I didn’t want to go anywhere. Get a grip!” 
 
 Suicide was not the answer. I had to make my life count. "Brown said she suffered many bruises on her face and shoulder after hitting a jammed door while attempting to get help. Those bruises on my face and shoulder everyone saw at The X Factor final three days later — most of them were caused by those moments trapped in that doorway. The singer was hospitalized with liver and kidney damage, calling the moment she faced her daughter Phoenix "the saddest moment of my life." In an excerpt from her memoir, "Brutally Honest," the former Spice Girl admitted to taking "nearly 200 aspirin pills" in an attempt to escape her tumultuous marriage to producer Stephen Belafonte. "I would stand proud in this stunning white dress, the marks of my agony all over me. … I needed all those bruises to be seen," she wrote. Brown and Belafonte divorced last year following a lengthy battle in which Brown accused her ex of beating and threatening her throughout their 10-year marriage. "I’ve sent my message to Stephen. There’s no going back. I’m going to leave him, get a divorce. No, I’m not a sex addict.'
– The saddest moment in her life, Mel B says in new memoir Brutally Honest, was dealing with daughter Phoenix, then 15, after a suicide attempt in 2014. The Spice Girl says she woke up in the hospital to find her "furious" daughter asking "Why Mum? Why? Why?" In a memoir extract seen by the Sun, Mel B writes that all she wants "is for her to know how sorry I am, how lost I was and how I’ll never, ever abandon her again." In the memoir, the singer says she tried to take her own life by taking 200 aspirin pills because she was "emotionally battered" after years of abuse by then-husband Stephen Belafonte. She says he was threatening to release a "library" of sex tapes from their decade of marriage. "As each pill goes into my mouth, I ask myself: 'Are you sure?' And I take another one. Ten, 20, 50, 100. 'Are you sure?'" she writes. "One hundred and 20. 'Are you sure?' 150. 'Are you sure?" But after taking the last pill, she writes, she realized: "Suicide was not the answer. I had to make my life count." She says she was left with bruises to her face and shoulder after throwing her weight against a jammed door while trying to seek help, USA Today reports. She was hospitalized with liver and kidney damage but, against the advice of doctors, appeared on The X-Factor three days later—without her wedding ring on. "I needed to be seen. I needed all those bruises to be seen," she writes. (In August, she said she would seek treatment for sex and alcohol addictions before the Spice Girls reunion tour.)