Back when I was a teenager, there was “Porky’s,” but we can talk about that some other time. The opening scene in the sequel from writers-directors and "Harold & Kumar" alums Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg presents dueling-masturbation scenarios under the same exhausted-spouse roof. The East Great Falls, Mich., reunion weekend brings together Jim, Stifler, haute poseur Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas, adroitly treading the line between "deadpan" and "bored"), sportscaster Oz (Chris Klein) and the other guy, Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas), now bearded and married. Jim (Jason Biggs) and Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) are still married, though parenthood has put a damper on their famously torrid and inventive sex life. The “American Pie” series does, to its credit, allow some exceptions to this rule — Michelle’s happy, unapologetic lust in particular — and its nastiness has always been softened by Jim’s neurotic sweetness. It has some good moments, but it goes on too long, and not enough happens that is likely to create new memories. Levy and Jennifer Coolidge (Stifler's mom) are on a date at a movie theater, and while the ensuing joke is as old as time, the way Levy finesses it you wonder if the "American Pie" franchise would've gotten half as far as it has without him. mjphillips@tribune.com 
 
 'American Reunion' -- 2 stars 
 
 MPAA rating: R (for crude and sexual content throughout, nudity, language, brief drug use and teen drinking) 
 
 Running time: 1:53 
 
 Opens: Friday
– The latest installment in the American Pie franchise brings back Jason Biggs and Seann William Scott—but it doesn't bring anything new to the table. It's the same story of sexual anxiety, but this time with thirty-somethings. "Remember American Pie? If you do, this movie is redundant and sad. If you don’t, it’s irrelevant," writes AO Scott in the New York Times. "Everyone in the ensemble keeps pushing the woebegone nostalgia angle, pining for lost youth, eager to reactivate now-dormant sex lives," writes Michael Phillips in the Chicago Tribune. "Every other line, it seems, refers to 'back in the day' or 'wasn't this more fun when we were younger?'" Make it stop, begs Tom Long in the Detroit News. "The great fear here is that things are heading toward American 40th, American Retirement, and American Senility, all of which will rotate around Jim's sex problems." In short, Reunion should be the last slice of Pie. But in Rolling Stone, Peter Travers is glad to see some familiar faces. "No need to worry that these Peter Pans actually grow up. American Reunion is dedicated to the proposition that no matter how old you get, you can stay immature forever."