( CNN ) -- The day my daughter Marley was born , I went straight to the nursery and held her for well over two hours . I just held her and cried because I had never experienced such a love for anyone or anything in my life . I think the nurses thought I was crazy because eventually they told me I needed to go be with my wife . Three days later , before we left the hospital , the pediatric doctor told us she thought Marley might have Down syndrome . My reaction : Are you freaking kidding me ? I immediately had a panic attack and was taken to the emergency room . Thoughts were racing through my mind : How could my perfect daughter have Down syndrome ? How could they not know for sure ? How could the general ultrasound , which said we had a 1-in-18,000 chance of having a child with Down syndrome , be wrong ? Why was God punishing me ? How could I live with a daughter that was going to be rejected by everyone ... including myself ? I entered into a deep depression for the first year of Marley 's life . My wife became concerned about me , so I started taking antidepressants and seeing a counselor . I contemplated leaving my wife , or giving my daughter up for adoption , and suicide . I would lie awake at night thinking about my future , and searching for a reason to live . I believed all the negative things the world told me about Down syndrome , and viewed it as a curse on my family . The entire time , I could n't stop thinking about how this would change my life ! Read Barr 's original post on CNN iReport . But the truth is , I felt badly about myself . At one point , I wrote a letter to myself asking why things had to be this way . I prayed for God to take my worthless life in exchange for removing Marley 's extra chromosome . I would even quietly lie awake at night contemplating how I would feel if she suddenly stopped breathing while she slept . Finally , one Saturday morning , when Marley was about 2 months old , I got up and told my wife I was going for a walk . I had no intention of coming back . I was going to leave my wife and daughter . I could n't do it anymore . But then , after I left , I started having second thoughts , and that 's when I remembered that my wife had signed up for an online support group . I ended up spending the next two hours talking on the phone about my daughter and family with a man I had never met . He had a 2-year-old with Down syndrome . I can not explain it , but after talking to him for two hours I had the strength to go home and face another day . For the next six months , I got up and faced one day at a time . Years ago , my father said to me , `` If you want to fix a problem , then do something about it . '' I followed his advice . First , I tried to gain as much knowledge as I could about raising a child with Down syndrome . Next , I started calling every family I could find that had a child with Down syndrome . I owe a great deal to these families because they were willing to talk to me despite the 12-hour time difference between Bangkok and the States . I also started forcing myself to interact with my daughter . She was desperate for me to start loving her , and she continued loving me until I broke down and did the same . I was scared to accept my daughter because that would mean accepting her disability . But the reality was the only thing keeping me from loving my daughter was my own ignorance . Once I overcame my own selfish expectations for my daughter , I slowly began to see the beautiful girl that would change my life forever . Mom : Down syndrome does n't change my dreams . And finally , I talked to God . I talked to Him just like He was sitting in a chair beside me because that was the true barrier in my life . I was honest with God throughout the entire process , and that is when I started finding peace . Healing is a process and a journey . I would have never experienced this life-changing transformation if Marley had not been born . It is true , there are difficult times having a daughter with Down syndrome . But it also true that she is very much like any other child . Marley smiles , laughs , plays , is able to meet many developmental milestones ( albeit her own pace , with her own style ) , makes mistakes , and , most importantly , completes our family . She literally brightens my day every time I see her . She 's now 2 years old , and at this age all children develop at different rates . Marley can walk ; swim ; sign and speak words ; throw and kick a ball ; follow simple directions and throw tantrums . She also knows how to manipulate her grandparents . But she has not learned how to run or jump . She is taking thyroid medication and has a small heart defect . The key is , she is very similar to most toddlers her age and every child with Down syndrome is different just like every child is different . Before our summer break , she passed an entrance exam to start at a British preschool in September with her peers who are not labeled as `` special-needs children . '' In my opinion , these limitations we put on children with Down syndrome are outdated and lead to a lack of acceptance in our society . The medical community focuses on so many of the challenges associated with Down syndrome that we develop an unnecessary fear -- but these are only differences . The truth is , I am a better person today because of my daughter , my daughter who has Down syndrome . I am thankful for a wife that was willing to push me to change , and support me when I struggled . Want to respond , or got a story to share ? Write a personal essay . Mostly , I thank God for Marley . I remember praying while waiting those first two weeks to get her confirmed diagnosis : `` God , if you heal my daughter , then I will give up my own salvation . '' God did n't need my salvation -- that was a gift from him to me , just like Marley is a gift to us . The reality is that I am still saddened that Marley has Down syndrome , but I am beginning to realize that God can bless us regardless of our circumstances . I will never be able to fully understand why Marley has Down syndrome , but I do know she has made a difference in my life , my wife 's life , and in the lives of so many in our community . What do you think ? Share your thoughts in the comments below . Send your own parenting confession to CNN iReport and it could be featured on CNN.com .
Jack Barr Jr. had a panic attack when he found out his son had Down syndrome . He planned to go for a walk and never talk to his family , but then had a change of heart . Now , he wants to encourage other parents to think differently about Down syndrome . Got a big confession ? Share it with CNN tomorrow .