( Parenting.com ) -- Playdates used to be as simple as , well , child 's play . That 's because until not so long ago , that 's all they were : a couple of kids spending a couple of hours together , shooting hoops or playing a board game while Mom ( natch ) , a homemaker ( natch again ) , looked in from time to time , filling the snack bowl as needed . Fast-forward to today : Your kids ' playmates are as likely to show up with a BlackBerry as with their baseball-card collection , and you might be driven from the neighborhood if anyone finds out you served the kids chips instead of edamame . Parenting : 10 reasons play makes kids smarter . Sending your child to someone else 's home is n't exactly a worry-free experience either . Is the mom ( or dad , or the sitter ... hey , who 's home , anyway ? ) so focused on Facebook that your 9-year-old and her pal are using the oven unsupervised to make s'mores ? Is your middleschooler playing video games that belong to his pal 's older brother -- or , geez , with a title like Mortal Evil Uprising IV , his parole officer ? Be ready to navigate a few modern-day situations ! Read on for the new rules to set you straight . The Sitch : Your child 's old enough to stay home briefly , and often does . But is it okay to leave her and her playmate home while you dash to the dry cleaner ? The Solution : Take the kids with you , or save your errand for another time , says Ava Parnass , a child and family psychotherapist in New York City . `` The other parent expects you to be there and be in charge , '' she says . `` You want to make sure that no one 's feelings get too hurt if there 's a squabble . '' There are also safety considerations -- among them , a pal might not be as familiar with your home 's setup as your own child is . Risa Miller* , of Fanwood , New Jersey , is still feeling guilty because while she was in the backyard , her daughter 's 9-year-old pal decided to microwave some mac and cheese . `` She reassured my daughter that she cooked all the time at her home . But our microwave is higher up than at her house , so it 's trickier to reach . The girl spilled hot pasta on her wrist and ended up with a burn that required three visits to the doctor . '' The Sitch : Your daughter 's playmate whips out her cell and starts texting other friends while your kid twiddles her thumbs . The Solution : `` Simply say 'Jane , since you 're here on a playdate , you guys are going to play , ' `` recommends Tina Paone , Ph.D. , a play therapist , mother of three , and founder of Counseling Center at Heritage , in Montgomeryville , Pennsylvaniaa . As for complaining to the friend 's mom later , `` I would n't , if the child quickly put the phone away , '' says Lisa GachÃ© , founder of Beverly Hills Manners , in California . `` But if it happens on her next visit , then at pickup , you could say to her mom , with a smile , 'Maybe next time the girls can find an activity that does n't involve them being on the phone . ' `` Parenting : Fun at-home science experiments for your next playdate . The Sitch : You feel pressured to serve only ultra-healthy foods on playdates , even though your kid prefers potato chips . The Solution : Aim for a balance , like Joan Schwartz* of Scarsdale , New York , does when her 11-year-old daughter , Hannah , has a friend over . `` I first put out something healthy , like cut-up fruit , and tell the girls they can have chips after they 've finished that , '' she says . `` The other mom will know I tried to get something nutritious in them , and sometimes the kids are so full after the healthy snack that they do n't ask for anything else . '' The Sitch : You 've accepted a sleepover invite for your daughter , not realizing that only her pal 's divorced dad will be home . You 're not OK with it . What to do ? The Solution : `` Call and say ' I 'm sorry , and this is about me and not you , but I just do n't feel comfortable with a man supervising an overnighter , ' `` says Paone . Offer to host the girls at your place instead , if you can , or ask to turn the sleepover into a `` late-over , '' where your daughter stays only till bedtime . In the future , always ask who 'll be on duty before you say yes to a sleepover . The Sitch : You have strict TV limits at home . Is it OK to ask other parents not to allow the kids to veg out in front of the tube or video-game screen ? The Solution : Either turn down playdates at houses where the TV always seems to be on or -- more sensibly -- keep your lip zipped and let your child go . `` If you make a request about the television , it will sound judgmental , '' says Paone . `` Besides , it 's not like you 're sending your kid over there every day , and part of letting him grow up a little is releasing some control . '' If you really object , rather than saying so outright , you can hint around , like Sandra Pierce* of New York City does . `` I 'll say something beforehand to the mom about how nice it is outside and how my sons really love to play football in the yard , '' she confesses . Or offer to host at your place , as Phil Corwin of Bellmore , New York , does . `` I ca n't dictate to other parents , but I can make them happy . Most parents are more than happy to dump their kid at your place . '' Well said , Dad ! Parenting : Creative , made-for-two activities for playdates . The Sitch : Your 12-year-old loves to play `` Call of Duty 4 : Modern Warfare '' on his Xbox . You 're OK with it ( you blasted plenty of `` Space Invaders '' as a tween ) but you 're nervous about letting his pals play , since it 's rated Mature and contains violence . ( Fun violence , but violence . ) The Solution : Find out if the guest has the game himself . If he does , problem solved . If not , ask what his family rules are and make your decision based on that . You can always edit your kid 's video titles the night before the playdate . That way , your child wo n't lose face when Mom heeds her own Call of Duty and confiscates the game in front of his friend . Explain why you 're doing it , so he ( hopefully ) understands . The Sitch : You 're a gay parent , but not everyone knows it . When someone asks about your wife or husband , will your answer cost your kid pals ? The Solution : Mitch* , a Manhattan dad who has an 8-year-old son with his partner and runs the blog gaynycdad.com , offers a humorous response : `` I reply ' I am the wife ! ' The other parent can ask me more if she wants , '' he laughs . Of course , some gay parents prefer to be more circumspect . If your partner is n't around , you can just say `` I do n't have a wife '' or `` My partner is at work , yes , '' says Susan Callender , an etiquette expert at the Bean City Kids program at the Boston Center for Adult Education . If your significant other will be home , though , advise the other parent in advance , she adds . Some families still may not feel comfortable letting their child come over . No one 's saying that 's right -- with 8 million to 10 million kids in the U.S. being raised by gay adults , that 's a lot of small-minded snubbing to do -- but as parents , they have that right . You may lose their friendship , but you and your child will be fine . Parenting : Most common discipline mistakes parents make . The Sitch : A family has invited your child to go to a Justin Bieber concert with their kid . Should you pay for your kid 's ticket ? The Solution : If you can , offer the money , says GachÃ© . `` Do it with a big smile and say 'Thank you so much ! ' so they 're not offended and think you 're doing it because you 're worried they ca n't afford it , '' she adds . They may insist they 're treating , and that 's fine . If things are tight at your house , send what you can and be sure to help your kid write a thank-you note later on . Try to host as soon as you can , too . Sharon Webb of Palm Springs , Florida , told us on Facebook that when another mom treated her son to two Disney events in two days , she watched all her kids in return . We 're sure her son 's mom appreciated the reciprocity ( and rest ! ) . Parenting : When you ca n't stand your kid 's friend . Get 2 FREE YEARS of Parenting magazine - Subscribe Now ! ! Copyright 2011 The Parenting Group . All rights reserved . Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited .
Taking your daughter to another 's house for a playdate is no stress - free thing . Aim for a balance of healthy foods and treats during pregnancy . Call other parents if you 're not comfortable with just them overseeing the sleepover .