( CNN ) -- In my mind -- and in the law -- there are two kinds of sexual harassment . The first kind is quid pro quo and easy to spot . A really detestable ( usually ) man gives his ( usually ) female subordinate employee or student an ultimatum : Put out or lose some opportunity , be it a grade , a job or a promotion . During the `` Mad Men '' era , bosses got away with such , and women thought it the price of a life outside the kitchen . No more . Women no longer think this is OK. Professors even lose tenure over this clearly sexist and illegal behavior these days . We 've come a long way on the road to equality on this front . Lawyers do n't settle such claims for a few months ' salary and a promise of silence . No one knows right now if this is the kind of sexual harassment that Herman Cain is accused of , but I doubt it . For one thing , several others have claimed they witnessed the harassment of the women in question , and such bold threats are n't often made over the dinner table in a restaurant with observers . But then there is the other kind of sexual harassment , the behavior that makes the workplace uncomfortable , that creates an environment that is hostile to women in general , or just to one person because of her ( or his ) sex , gender , race or ethnicity . Everyone agrees that workplaces ought not to differentiate between actors simply because of their sex , gender , race or ethnicity . But beyond that , when sex and gender are involved , we often get into a `` he said/she said '' dialogue . For example , he believed the jokes were simply funny and created a more friendly setting ; she believed they were offensive and created an us ( the boys ) versus them ( her or her and other women ) organizational climate where she was always going to be outside the loop , outside informal conversations and social networks that mattered . Another example might be when a powerful man is attracted to one of his co-workers and simply wants to start some sort of sexual friendship , an offer he perhaps had made many times before and occasionally was accepted . But this time , the woman finds a sexual overture from a married boss intimidating and off-putting . She believes it changes forever the climate of the workplace . Even if he never threatened her status after the `` invitation , '' she did n't believe the professional relationship would ever be the same after what she perceived to be sexual harassment . If we look at sexual harassment in these terms , as he said/she said , we will never find a solution -- ethical , legal or moral to the problem . At this point , we have yet to create any consensus around the appropriate way to deal with sexual attraction and sexual desire in the workplace . No one can deny that workplaces are often where adults meet their life partners . In a 24/7 work environment , where else do you have to meet a spouse ? And indeed , in a world where people often think of themselves as defined by `` what they do , '' it makes sense that those who also do it are the people we have enough in common with to fall for , whether it 's to fall in love , or even just in lust . And yet , we are still in a world where the most powerful class of actors happens to be older men . We do not live in some post-feminist world , where power is yet equally shared . No one wants to anger or displease one 's boss , even a little . Nor do we live in a world where the workplaces have become truly integrated by sex . In fact , the most recent research suggests that in the last decade , we 've stalled at integration by sex . While women are getting more and more of the degrees , they remain in traditionally female-dominated fields , and are not moving forward in male-dominated ones . My hypothesis for why is that heavily male-dominated occupations , including politics , are so heavily masculine in their cultures , full of sexual innuendo and -- perhaps -- the kind of sexual harassment of which Cain is accused . I do n't have an easy answer , but I do know we 'll never solve the problem by trying to figure out what he said or she said . Instead , we have to decide what , as a society , we want to be acceptable or not in our workplaces and schools and then enforce the norms with legal penalties . Here 's a first volley : It should be illegal for men ( or women ) to make sexual overtures to their subordinates . End of story . Power always gets in the way of easily saying no . But more than that , if we want workplaces that do not privilege the men who have previously dominated the social space , we need to change the culture in which sexual banter objectifies women and turns them into the `` other , '' and take seriously the claims by women that men harass them . The more subtle kind of sexual harassment has consequences not only for the individual woman who finally complains , but for all of us , by sustaining a culture where the powerful positions in many occupations , including politics , remain dominated by men . Should accepting boorish sexual banter and unwanted sexual approaches be the price of admission to male-dominated occupations ? It 's up to us as a society to set the standards . Here is a moment in time to take stock : Let 's hear what the women who were silenced by being paid off have to say about the private behavior of a very public man who is running for president . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Barbara Risman .
Karen Risman : Society has n't reached consensus on what 's OK in workplace . She suggests sexual harassment cases often involve ` ` he said / she said '' dialogue . Risman : Men remain more powerful in workplace , so rules must be consistent . She suggests instead that it 's illegal for men to make sexual overtures to subordinates .