Elliot Rodger 's difficulties with women were so devastating to him that he vowed to kill anyone he could n't win over . `` My orchestration of the Day of Retribution is my attempt to do everything , in my power , to destroy everything I can not have , '' Rodger wrote in a 137-page manifesto obtained by CNN affiliate KEYT . `` All of those beautiful girls I 've desired so much in my life , but can never have because they despise and loathe me , I will destroy . '' He also said he despised men who had luck with women and said he would eliminate them , too . `` I will kill them all and make them suffer , just as they have made me suffer , '' he added . `` It is only fair . '' On Friday , that `` day of retribution '' came . Authorities say Rodger , 22 , fatally stabbed three men in his home before killing two women outside a sorority house and then shooting a man at a deli in Isla Vista , California . By the end of his rampage , six victims were dead . Rodger died of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound . And perhaps the only clues to the reasons are in the gunman 's haunting dissertation of his life . A life-changing divorce . For most of his early childhood , Rodger was a happy boy . But he said his first major traumatic event came when he learned at 7 that his parents were divorcing . He described his parents ' divorce as a devastating , `` life-changing event , '' but said he gained more respect for his father after he quickly acquired a girlfriend . `` Males who can easily find female mates garner more respect from their fellow men , even children , '' Rodger wrote . `` How ironic is it that my father , one of those men who could easily find a girlfriend , has a son who would struggle all his life to find a girlfriend . '' Bitterness after puberty . But the impetus for most of Rodger 's angst stemmed from his unfulfilled desires for women . `` As children we all play together as equals in a fair environment . Only after the advent of puberty does the true brutality of human nature show its face , '' he wrote . `` Life will become a bitter and unfair struggle for self-worth , all because girls will choose some boys over others . The boys who girls find attractive will live pleasure-filled lives while they dominate the boys who girls deem unworthy . '' He described himself as a very jealous person , `` and at the age of nine my jealous nature sprung to the surface . '' Rodger wrote about the website PuaHate.com as a `` forum full of men who are starved of sex , just like me . `` Many of them have their own theories of what women are attracted to , and many of them share my hatred of women , though unlike me they would be too cowardly to act on it . Reading the posts on that website only confirmed many of the theories I had about how wicked and degenerate women really are . '' The site was down Sunday . `` I certainly would not want to blame a specific website for the violence and a tragedy that was carried out by one specific individual , '' Josh Glasstetter , a researcher at the Southern Poverty Law Center , told CNN . `` But his online activities on forums like PuaHate gave his thoughts and beliefs more of a definition , and direction . '' Traumatized by porn . When Rodger was 11 , a friend he met through a chat room sent him photos of `` beautiful naked girls , '' he wrote . `` When I looked at the pictures , I was shocked beyond words . I had never seen what beautiful girls looked like naked , and the sight filled me with strong and overwhelming emotions , '' Rodger said in his autobiography . `` I was traumatized . My childhood was fading away . Ominous fear swept over me . ... Indeed , a whole new world had opened up before me , and I had no idea how to prevail in it . I still wanted to live as a child . '' The trauma got worse two years later , Rodger said , when he was at an Internet cafe and saw an older teen watching porn . `` The sight was shocking , traumatizing , and arousing . All of these feelings mixed together took a great toll on me , '' he wrote . `` I walked home and cried by myself for a bit . I felt too guilty about what I saw to talk to my parents about it . '' `` Not getting any sex is what will shape the very foundation of my miserable youth , '' he said . Taunting and bullying . Rodger said he endured a spate of bullying in the eighth and ninth grades , causing him to be `` more shy and timid than I ever was in my life . '' `` I felt very small , weak , and above all , worthless , '' he wrote . `` I cried by myself at school every day . '' He said one of his worst days came at the end of ninth grade , when a classmate was bragging about having sex with his girlfriend . `` I defiantly told him that I did n't believe him , so he played a voice recording of what sounded like him and his girlfriend having sex , '' Rodger wrote . `` I could hear a girl saying his name over and over again while she panted franticly . He grinned at me smugly . I felt so inferior to him , and I hated him . '' That sense of inferiority carried over into his college days at Santa Barbara City College . `` Every day that I spent at my college , the more inferior and invisible I felt , '' he wrote . `` I felt like such an inferior mouse whenever I saw guys walking with beautiful girls . '' 'Sophisticated , polite gentleman ' Some of Rodger 's social media posts were more positive than the rants in his autobiography . He portrayed himself as an affluent young man who drove a black BMW Series 3 coupe and traveled the world . `` I consider myself a sophisticated , polite gentleman , unlike most boys my age , '' according to a statement posted on `` Elliot Rodger 's Official Blog . '' CNN can not confirm the authenticity of the social media posts . According to the blog , Rodger was born in the United Kingdom and moved to the United States at age 5 . He was raised in the shadow of Hollywood , in the affluent Los Angeles suburb of Woodland Hills , by his father -- a commercial photographer and sometimes director -- and his stepmother , an actress who appeared with Matt Damon in `` Green Zone . '' Pictures posted on Rodger 's Facebook page show him with his father , Peter , on the red carpet at the premiere of the 2012 film `` The Hunger Games . '' Peter Rodger briefly worked as a second unit assistant director on the film , according to a spokeswoman with Lionsgate Entertainment , the company behind the `` Hunger Games '' movie franchise . But it 's also in the blog where Rodger railed against life in Isla Vista . `` I have tried very hard to fit in with the social scene there , but I have ultimately been unable to do so , '' the blog states . `` There are too many obnoxious people who have ruined my whole experience at that place . '' 'Day of retribution ' The day before before the rampage , a video posted on YouTube featured Rodger ranting for nearly seven minutes against women who he said rejected him and popular kids who ignored him . `` For the past eight years of my life , ever since I hit puberty , I 've been forced to endure an existence of loneliness , rejection and unfulfilled desires all because girls have never been attracted to me , '' he said . `` Tomorrow is the day of retribution . The day in which I will have my revenge against humanity , against all of you . '' Rampage killings : Fast Facts .
`` All of those beautiful girls I 've desired ... I will destroy , '' Elliot Rodger wrote . In his 137-page autobiography , Rodger said he was traumatized by pornography . He also said he was bullied and taunted . Hide Caption 1 of 7 Photos:'Elliot Rodger's manifesto