( CNN ) -- It was a big year for women , 2013 . In the past 12 months , Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg called on her fellow females to `` lean in '' to their careers . And lean in they did : Janet Yellen was nominated to become the first woman to head the U.S. Federal Reserve and General Motors named Mary Barra the auto industry 's first female CEO . In a new epilogue to her book `` The End of Men : And the Rise of Women , '' Hanna Rosin wrote that , thanks in part to strong political women like Kirsten Gillibrand , Tammy Baldwin and Claire McCaskill , the patriarchy is officially dead . But not all landmark moves by women were points scored . A few of the year 's biggest missteps serve as powerful reminders of what NOT to do in 2014 : . Say things in private that you would n't in public : As part of a lawsuit filed by a former employee , erstwhile beloved celebrity chef Paula Deen admitted to having used racial slurs , including the N-word , and admiring a plantation-style event where the `` whole entire wait staff was middle-aged black men . '' It was a particularly ironic revelation , given that she 'd built her reputation on being something of a comforting , maternal figure . She was promptly fired by the Food Network and lost endorsements with , among others , Wal-Mart , Home Depot , Target , and Sears . Tweet without thinking : Just before the holiday , PR exec Justine Sacco pressed send on a last-minute tweet before boarding a 12-hour flight : `` Going to Africa . Hope I do n't get AIDS . Just kidding . I 'm white ! '' She had just a few hundred followers at the time . But the Internet has a way of making the intimate go viral , and by the time Sacco landed in South Africa , she was the biggest Internet story of the week . She endured public excoriation and , ultimately , lost her job . And though Sacco 's words were insensitive at best , the outrage that followed -- which included some death threats -- proved that Sacco is n't exactly the only one lacking empathy . Tell only half the story : Lara Logan 's deeply flawed report on Benghazi that aired on `` 60 Minutes '' threatened the long-running news program 's credibility and called into question journalistic practices across the board . The worst part : The mistake was avoidable , according to a CBS review that stated the accounts provided by the report 's key source differed from versions provided to the FBI . As a result , Logan and her producer were suspended . Stay silent in the face of criticism . When the website for Obamacare launched -- or , more accurately , failed to launch -- it was Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius who took most of the heat . Millions called for her firing , and the voices only grew louder as Sebelius initially refused to testify before Congress about the nearly inoperable website . Muddle the message . Miley Cyrus ' butt-shaking , foam-finger-waving performance at the MTV Video Music Awards in August was a lesson in how shock sells . Though the act spawned much outrage -- Vogue reportedly pulled its plans to feature her on the cover , and longtime boyfriend Liam Hemsworth moved on as well -- album sales climbed . But then she followed it up with a topless photo shoot with Terry Richardson ; a not-quite-pornographic music video ; and an admission that , yes , she is singing about drugs ( sorry , kids ! ) . In the end , the takeaway was clear : The act overshadows the talent . Chances are good that as we move into 2014 , it 's the foam finger we 'll remember more than Miley 's songs . Use shame to motivate . California mother of three Maria Kang became headline news for a photograph she posted to her Facebook account in which she appeared toned and tanned in a sports bra and short shorts beneath the provocative caption , `` What 's Your Excuse ? '' After the photo went viral -- and Kang was bashed for `` fat shaming '' -- she claimed she 'd only intended to motivate others . What ensued brought out bullies on both sides , and served to undermine any positive conversation Kang might have envisioned . The fact is that by posting the photo , Kang was issuing judgment on others . And she was judged in return . Assume all women want the same things . Even one of the year 's more inspiring messages for women contained elitist notes : In calling for women to `` lean in '' to their careers , Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg assumed that all women want to `` have it all '' -- or even want the same things , period . Her book , `` Lean In : Women , Work , and the Will to Lead , '' ignited a powerful discussion . But in some ways her experiences are so far from the norm of the majority of women in the workforce , and her edict about what women `` should do '' is so absolute , that her larger message , unfortunately , got lost at times . Frida Ghitis : 10 women who shaped 2013 . Of course , 2013 was filled with many gains -- Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis ' pro-choice filibuster , Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer standing by her decision to ban working from home , then seeing the company 's stock soar , and Angelina Jolie 's very public double mastectomy among them . For every errant twerk , pop culture saw its share of positive messages for women , including Malala Yousafzai 's `` I Am Malala '' -- a Pakistani girl 's tale of being shot by the Taliban for speaking out about the rights of women -- and the consistent challenging of the Hollywood body ideal in Lena Dunham 's `` Girls . '' Missteps are part of the normal course of life ; they are n't a step back . But it 's key to remember , as we enter 2014 , as women make greater strides in the battle toward complete gender equity , that their words and actions matter . Greater gains , after all , also mean more people are watching . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Peggy Drexler .
Sandra Oh : I saw big gains for women but some mistakes we can all learn from . She says Lisa Deen , Kathleen Sebelius , Miley Cyrus , Lara Logan were some who stumbled . Drexler : Janet Reno , Diane Barra were among the trailblazers in the rise of women this year .