( LifeWire ) -- The TV no longer sits on a moving box , but she 's still using filing cabinets as end tables . Desiree Jacobsen graduated from college years ago , so why does her apartment resemble a dorm room ? It 's hard to save for the finer things when you 've had to shell out money to be in five weddings in one year , three times as maid of honor . Some maids of honor have gone deep into debt rather than disappoint a friend who expects a lot . `` I shop at the Salvation Army quite a bit to save money , '' says Jacobsen , 26 , a medical editor in Dallas . Being a bride 's maid or matron of honor is a distinction many women cherish . But it does n't come cheap . It can easily cost a woman $ 1,000 or more for the honor of standing beside the bride on her big day , according to TheKnot.com , the leading wedding Web site . On top of the traditional expenses of wedding attire , transportation and chipping in for a gift from the bridesmaids , maids of honor can wind up hosting bridal showers , bachelorette parties and even the co-ed Jack and Jill party -- often footing the bill entirely . Expectations are reaching bridezilla proportions , a trend Anna Post , spokeswoman for the Emily Post Institute and great-great-granddaughter of the etiquette authority , attributes in part to the extensive coverage of celebrity weddings on television and in style magazines . Watch etiquette tips on attending wedding events » . Many bridesmaids are left torn between maintaining a friendship and breaking the bank . Tough to say no . When Sarah de Maintenon , a 33-year-old real estate agent in Syracuse , New York , agreed to be her best friend 's maid of honor two years ago , the economy was good and houses were selling like hot cakes . But the currently slow real-estate market means that money has become tight as the big day -- scheduled for October -- slowly approaches . `` I seriously just did n't know . I thought it was just a bachelorette party , '' says de Maintenon of the events she was expected to throw and attend . Her distress over the destination wedding sent her seeking advice online . The advice she received was simple , but effective : Talk to her friend and be honest about her situation . `` I contemplated telling her I could n't do it , but I could n't break her heart , '' she says . `` I was afraid it would cause an argument ... I did n't want to ruin her wedding day . '' Jacobsen has n't skipped a wedding , but she did once skip the pre-wedding bridal portrait , which she would have had to travel out of town to participate in , because she was short on money and vacation time . `` She was upset with me for a little while , but it quickly blew over because I started planning for her bachelorette party . '' When feelings get hurt , Jacobsen says , she tries not to take it personally . `` It 's usually because of the stress of the wedding . '' Etiquette rules vs. reality . Is all this necessary ? Are brides asking too much of their friends ? Post says that contrary to popular belief , the bridal shower is n't the maid of honor 's obligation . Traditionally , a close friend would throw a bridal shower for the bride , and sometimes that person is also the maid of honor . But expenses can be agreed upon in advance and shared by the entire wedding party . And though there may be multiple parties thrown for the happy couple , Post says , the maid of honor is not required to go . `` That 's not true , '' claims Kim Bohnert , a 32-year-old teacher in San Francisco . She 's served nine stints as maid of honor and considers herself an expert bridesmaid . She insists that the entire bridal party -- especially the maid of honor -- is expected to attend all parties and shell out for a gift each time . `` It definitely adds up , '' says Melissa Bauer , spokesperson for TheKnot.com . Bauer ticks off some of the major expenses : about $ 300 for a dress , $ 50 to $ 200 for shoes , $ 40 to $ 60 for accessories , $ 50 for a shower gift and another $ 100 for a wedding gift . Then there are the parties . `` The big thing now is destination bachelorette parties , '' Bauer says . `` Some people might do it local , but regardless , you 're [ often ] footing the cost for the bride [ to attend ] . '' The cost of traveling to an out-of-town party can add several hundred dollars to the tab , Bauer notes -- to say nothing of the cost of traveling to the wedding itself . Going for broke . Whether popular wisdom requires such a commitment or not , there 's a very real limit to what women can afford . Bohnert agreed to be her cousin 's maid of honor , even though she was maxed out on her credit cards , and the many expenses included a $ 500 Sae Young Vu dress . `` I 'm still in debt because of it , '' she says . Ma'ayan Geller , a part-time student and assistant physical therapist in San Francisco , was glad to hear her friend wanted to be sensitive to the financial constraints of her wedding party . But when Geller , one of the bridesmaids , suggested a cheap Las Vegas package for the bachelorette party , the bride gave her the boot , saying she was n't being serious enough about her commitment to the wedding . `` I had already bought the dress -- close to $ 300 -- which was a lot for me at the time , '' Geller , 23 , remembers . `` I think it could have been done in a better way . '' Geller still attended the wedding , partially because all her friends were there and also because she wanted to support the bride , `` although the friendship kind of ended after that . '' Making it work . In Post 's experience , a wedding is a collaboration , and the wedding party often tries to find a solution that works for everyone . `` When something difficult arises , I 've seen brides put on the brakes rather than force something on someone , '' she says . Jeri Kadison , a bridal coach in New York , says communication is key : Detail expectations early , and if something sounds too expensive , compromise and brainstorm other ideas , she advises . `` It 's the bride 's responsibility to be compassionate and considerate , '' she says . That strategy worked for de Maintenon . She and her bride talk almost every day . Instead of renting a restaurant , they 're having a barbeque . Instead of renting a beach house , they 're all staying with a girlfriend . It 's also OK to say no , Post says . `` You can decline . Just do it early . '' De Maintenon recently declined when one of her best friends asked her to be the maid of honor , and her friend was n't upset . `` She knows that I 'll do anything else to help out in any way . '' LifeWire provides original and syndicated lifestyle content to Web publishers . Liane Yvkoff is a freelance writer in San Francisco .
As economy gets tough , more women may reconsider being maid of honor . Bridezilla expects bridal showers , bachelorette parties , co-ed Jack and Jill party . Comment: Detail expectations early and if concerns rise , compromise .