When you get married , ideally it 's for keeps . That 's wonderful and devoutly to be wished for -- but you 're also left with a wide and weird base of knowledge that you 'll ( hopefully ) never use again . My husband and I planned our wedding in the course of 83 days , and by all accounts , things went pretty well for both us and the guests . Friendships were forged , food and drink were savored , a baby ( not ours ) was made , and everyone left danced-out , hung-over , happy , and asking us if we would please consider hosting a wedding reunion the next year . I also got a crash course in managing my stress levels , tempering my expectations , leaning into the people who love us , and all sorts of other emotional matters that the glossy bridal mags might not necessarily cover . Six-and-a-half years later ( and still going strong ! ) , perhaps a bride- or groom-to-be might find these tips a useful addition to their hope chest . Wedding photos : When snap-happy guests go too far . 1 . Give in to the chaos . The ice swan may melt , the sound system could go on the fritz , it might rain toads -- you 'll still be just as married as you would have been had everything gone according to plan . I spent countless hours fussing over hand-writing little table cards , decoupaging candle holders , researching glove lengths and going over all possible natural disasters that could keep our loved ones from attending our nuptials . All that did was stress me out and deflect from the actual purpose of the day : marrying the man I love , in the company of our friends and family . Then a wise , kind friend offered some perspective . She told me that the two of us could serve Tic-Tacs and iced tea in a 7-Eleven parking lot , and everyone would be just as happy , because they 'd be there to celebrate the union of two people they love . While I still put in some fretting hours after that , it helped me see the wedding as being less about perfection , and more about celebration . 2 . Remember that they 're all rooting for you . Say something does go off kilter -- you trip on your hem and faceplant into the cake , the wedding elephant has an accident on the floor or you fumble the name of your beloved a la Princess Diana . If people laugh , it 's because it 's all part of the grand story that 's unfolding -- not because they 're gleeful about a screw-up . They 're there because they 're on your side and are grateful to be part of this momentous occasion , and if they 're not , why the heck are they at your wedding ? Seriously , take a look at that guest list and snip , snip , snip . 3 . Let your loved ones help -- but on your terms . My husband and I had a fairly DIY wedding -- both to cut down on costs and to put our own stamp on the ceremony that would mark the beginning of our married life . We also did n't have a wedding party , because it was a small-ish event and we did n't want people to feel left out . So we asked people if they 'd like to help in ways that did n't cost them anything , celebrated their talents in ways they were happy to share , and where we provided supplies and general guidelines . Two musician friends sang as we walked down the aisle , an artist friend carved pumpkins to decorate outside , my sister-in-law rallied willing guests to arrange the flowers we 'd bought and picked , and some writers crafted a ritual that celebrated our communal love of food . My best friend from college looked after our mutually-beloved whippet dog , another surprised me with a piece from my favorite poet ( Frank O'Hara ) . My husband 's best friend officiated the ceremony , and we let our musically-inclined friends pick the songs they 'd most like to dance to . People were also free to simply eat , drink and be merry . The upshot is that our loved ones felt like they had a stake in our wedding -- and in our marriage -- and that feeling continues to this very day . 4 . Stay awake and pay attention . I took to calling this `` bridal fugue . '' Ask just about any married person if they can remember every detail of their wedding and reception and chances are that it 's riddled with big , blurry chunks . It 's a joyous , often overwhelming day -- and it 's only going to happen once . On the advice of a dear friend , I picked up Sheryl Paul 's `` The Conscious Bride . '' The author is a counselor who specializes in transitions from single to married , childfree to parenthood , and the like . Paul suggests preparing yourself to stop and take mental snapshots of what 's going on around you , and how you feel in that moment , so you can be extremely present on your wedding . Thanks to this , while I do n't have every second of our wedding day running on an endless loop in the back of my brain , I have very vivid memories of taking vows , looking out into the room to see so many people I adore all assembled in one place , funny surprises from my friends and family , and dancing until my feet felt like they were on fire . Even if we were to lose every single picture from that day , these images and feelings would be locked in my heart forever . 5 . There 's a letdown -- and that 's OK. After our post-wedding day brunch , I sat down in a walk-in closet and cried . This had nothing to do with regret , second-guessing or sadness ; I 'd just married my favorite man on Earth and I was happier in my life than I 'd ever been before . But we 'd just spent the vast majority of our time over the previous months focusing our energy on planning the joyous event , and the last guests had just said their goodbyes . All those wedding guests we adore were never again going to be in the same place at the same time , the spotlight was off me , and I was no longer a single woman , girlfriend or bride-to-be . I was someone 's wife -- a wonderful , but slightly scary new role . And it was time to step into it . I cried a little more and spent a moment saying goodbye to the single self I 'd always known . Then I took a deep breath , stood up , walked out of that closet and went to find my new husband . Follow Kat Kinsman on Twitter and Google+ and like CNN Living on Facebook .
Wedding planning , along with the ceremony , can be tense and nerve-wracking . Kat Kinsman recommends preparing for glitches and keeping a positive attitude . Incorporating friends and family in the planning and preparation can be a relief . Brides and grooms should expect ( and plan for ) the unexpected .