( CNN ) -- As a little girl , she never got a valentine at school parties . As a teenager , she never had a best friend , a boyfriend or a date . As a woman , she 's never had a relationship . She 's never been kissed . Her dream to one day become a wife and mother is fading as she grapples with the reality that it may never happen . Penny Loker , 31 , was born with hemifacial microsomia and Goldenhar Syndrome , two birth defects that left her with a disfigured face . Hemifacial microsomia causes a malformation of the ear and/or the structure of the lower jaw . Goldenhar Syndrome is a congenital condition that produces abnormalities of the head and the bones of the spinal column . It usually affects the appearance of eyes , ears , facial bones and the mouth . Both conditions are complex , as are their names . But for a little girl facing a big world , the names were simple : Monster . Ugly . Freak . Loker was raised in Waterloo , Ontario , Canada , in a home where love and acceptance were given freely . Her father died soon after Loker 's first birthday . Her mother , a strong , loving woman , readily took on the challenge of raising Loker and her sisters . That included arranging for multiple surgeries at hospitals far from home . Loker 's recoveries were lengthy and painful , recalls older sister Crystal Loker . `` But even then Penny had a positive attitude . She was a trouper who kept her smile and did n't complain . '' 'Impaired Perceptions ' : Photographer rejects first impressions . At home , Loker 's looks were not an issue and she was treated the same as her sisters . She knew she looked a bit different , and she knew it caused her to be in the hospital a lot , but she had a child 's innocence and accepted it as normal . When it was time to start school , she discovered how different she actually was . She spent a lonely childhood excluded from nearly everything . She had no friends . She accepted the name-calling as part of her life and seemed to understand that crying or fighting back only made it worse . So she quietly endured it . She remembers that pain and humiliation well . `` As an adult , it 's hard to stand by silently when you know what these kids are going through , '' Loker says . `` But it 's equally difficult to speak out when you do n't feel empowered to do so . '' As she got older , the name-calling was more often behind her back than to her face . By the time she reached high school , she had learned there would be no friends , parties or dates for a girl who looked like a freak . `` It hurt , but there was nothing I could do to change it , '' she says . While day-to-day encounters with strangers brought the same hurtful stares and comments , Loker was used to it . Then came a day with such cruelty it remains a vivid memory . `` For graduation my sister gave me a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure . I 'd never had one before , and it was a wonderful experience . I left the spa feeling truly pretty for the first time in my adult life . '' But less than a block from the salon , she encountered a carload of boys who slowed to look at her and began pointing and calling her names . Distraught , she walked as quickly as she could to get away from them , thinking all the while that she was not beautiful after all . `` The pretty nails made no difference at all . Shamed and humiliated , I realized I was still the same girl that everyone made fun of , '' she recalls . `` I remember that day as one of the worst . '' Talking to someone with a chronic illness . But time can ease all wounds , and her determined spirit taught her to find the good around her . She has a core group of girlfriends and relatives who cherish her as she is . She speaks proudly of being able to provide for herself , thanks to her job at Rogers Communications , where she spends her days handling customer requests . The company was recognized this year as a diversity leader corporation , a recognition that only adds to Loker 's pride . There are many adventures in life that she is hesitant to embrace , even though she is physically able . She prefers not to shop alone . She has never been on a true vacation , saying the thought of one is scary . Yet it 's a feat she is determined to accomplish . She is saving now for a trip to California to visit either BlizzCon or Comic-con . `` I 'm kind of a geek and play the online MMO World of Warcraft with my sister and her husband , and we always talk about how cool it would be to go there , '' she says . `` People dress up so I would feel 'normal ' , not out of place . '' She 's quick to point out she has no interest in visiting a theme park geared toward children , where she 'd likely be subjected to stares as parents attempt to answer questions about her . She wishes she could open the dialogue about individuals with malformations by educating people , especially children , whose natural curiosity can eventually become cruelty if left unaddressed . `` Educating them early on would help them learn to be more tolerant of others who are different . The ability to love , share , bring happiness and help others is the real beauty of a person , '' she says . `` The exterior does n't necessarily reflect the beauty that often lives inside . And when people fail to remember that , they can miss out on the love and friendship of a truly special person . '' Crystal Loker agrees . `` Penny is truly beautiful . She 's always seeing the best in others and never has an unkind word for anyone . In Penny 's world , others always come first . She 's full of laughter and smiles . When you spend a day with her , you go home feeling good about yourself . '' Loker welcomes the opportunity to teach all of us to see beyond the surface . But until then , she continues to hope for good days in her own life , which for her means days when she is ignored . `` When I go out to dinner with my friends and no one stares at me or asks to be moved to a table further away from me , that 's a good day , '' she says . In spite of it all , Loker is quick to point out her many blessings : Being able to share a home with her family , having a job she loves , having good friends and a good health care system to help with the cost of a lifetime of surgeries . Her only regret ? `` I have so much love to give and I would love to share that with a family of my own . I understand it will probably never happen , and I 'm learning to accept it . But I am sad about it , '' she says . `` It feels like the one great loss in my life . '' Penny Loker will be on the CNN Facebook page for a live discussion Thursday night at 8 p.m . ET .
The defects left Penny Loker with a disfigured face . Growing up , she endured cruel treatment from society . She wishes she could open the door and educate others about love . Loker wants to be a wife and mother , but knows that will never happen .