Q: Who is assigned to write about the 14th century?
Text: <b>                             THE INVENTION OF LYING
</b>
<b>          
</b>
                                   Written by

                         Ricky Gervais & Matthew Robinson




                                                         June 8, 2007

<b>          
</b><b>          EXT. CAVEMAN VILLAGE - THE PALEOLITHIC ERA - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          A small caveman community made up of five large caves, all
          facing out towards a crackling fire.
<b>          
</b>          Slack-jawed, yet strong and confident CAVEMEN stumble about,
          dragging haunches of meat, pounding the dirt with sticks,
          dragging the women.
<b>          
</b>          WE PAN OVER to a small cave. Not even really a cave at all,
          but a crack in the rocks barely large enough to sleep in.
          Stepping out of this "cave" is a small, weak, nerdy-looking
          caveman.
<b>          
</b>          The chief caveman, set apart by the large mallet he wields,
          steps towards the fire and grunts loudly to mark the
          beginning of a caveman meeting.
<b>          
</b>          "Loser caveman" steps forward apprehensively, only to be met
          with laughter from the other cavemen. "Loser caveman" sighs
          and shrinks back into his sad, little cave, watching them
          from the shadows.
<b>          
</b><b>                              CHIEF CAVEMAN
</b>                        (grunting; subtitled)
                    Me see beast today. Beast scary.
                    Beast danger for caveman.
<b>          
</b>          The rest of the cavemen look nervous.
<b>          
</b><b>                              CHIEF CAVEMAN
</b>                    If caveman kill beast? Caveman
                    safe. Caveman have food.
<b>          
</b>          The cavemen grunt in understanding.
<b>          
</b><b>                              CHIEF CAVEMAN
</b>                    Who kill beast?
<b>          
</b>          The cavemen grunt amongst themselves. The toughest of the
          bunch steps forward, pounds his chest and grunts.
<b>          
</b><b>                              CHIEF CAVEMAN
</b>                    Grob kill beast. Good Grob.
<b>          
</b>          The chief notices "loser caveman" watching from a distance.
<b>          
</b><b>                              CHIEF CAVEMAN
</b>                    Loser want kill beast?
<b>          
</b>          All the cavemen turn and laugh at the "loser caveman".
<b>          
</b><b>                              CHIEF CAVEMAN
</b>                    Loser kill nothing!
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                      2.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          All the cavemen laugh hysterically.
<b>          
</b><b>                              CAVEMAN #1
</b>                    Look at Loser cave! So small!
<b>          
</b><b>                              CAVEMAN #2
</b>                    Loser dumb!
<b>          
</b><b>                              CAVEMAN #3
</b>                    Fuck that guy!
<b>          
</b>          All the cavemen pick up rocks and begin throwing them at the
          "loser caveman", who dives out of his cave and runs around
          the camp, dodging their blows.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. CAVEMAN VILLAGE - THE PALEOLITHIC ERA - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Everyone in the village is asleep. Everyone, that is, but
          "loser caveman" who sleeps uncomfortably in his tiny little
          cave, tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable.
<b>          
</b>          A stirring in the trees causes "loser caveman" to sit
          upright. There's something outside of the village. Something
          big.
<b>          
</b>          Suddenly a GIANT TUSKED BOAR pushes through the trees and
          stands, looking quite menacing, not ten yards from the
          village fire.
<b>          
</b>          "Loser caveman" is practically shaking with fear. The boar
          makes eye-contact with "loser caveman" and charges directly
          towards his tiny little cave.
<b>          
</b>          The giant boar runs head first into the cave opening, but the
          opening is too small for the beast to fit its head inside.
          "Loser caveman" screams like a girl.
<b>          
</b>          The boar backs up to strike again -- this one sure to be the
          end of "loser caveman" -- when a large boulder, knocked loose
          by the Boar's first hit, tumbles down and lands smack on the
          Boar's head, killing it instantly.
<b>          
</b>          The entire village runs out to see what has happened. The
          "Loser caveman" stumbles out of the cave and dusts himself
          off.
<b>          
</b>          The chief steps forward.
<b>          
</b><b>                              CHIEF CAVEMAN
</b>                    The beast! It dead!
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                     3.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              CAVEMAN #2
</b>                    Hey, look at loser! He almost die!
                    Look he scared!
<b>          
</b>          Everyone laughs. The Chief looks towards Loser, standing
          nervously near the corpse of the Giant Tusked Boar.
<b>          
</b><b>                              CHIEF CAVEMAN
</b>                    Loser, what happen?
<b>          
</b><b>                              LOSER CAVEMAN
</b><b>                        (SHAMEFULLY)
</b>                    The Beast, it came at me. It smash
                    my cave.
<b>          
</b>          Everyone laughs hysterically. WE PAN over the many laughing
          faces, pointing and hooting at loser caveman's cowardice. We
          watch as the "loser caveman's" face turns bright red, the
          veins in his neck pop out and his fists clench up tightly.
<b>          
</b>          SUDDENLY WE FLY into the caveman's skull, traveling through
          his cerebral cortex and towards the frontal lobe of his
          small, homo erectus brain. Sparks are flying back and forth
          across his brain as his synapses fire in rapid succession.
<b>          
</b>          There is a SMALL EXPLOSION.
<b>          
</b>          We fly back out of "loser caveman's" skull -- his face
          contorted in rage.
<b>          
</b>          He interrupts everyone's laughter.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LOSER CAVEMAN
</b>                    Hold on one minute!
<b>          
</b>          Everyone stops laughing.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LOSER CAVEMAN
</b>                    Loser wasn't finished.
<b>          
</b>          Loser caveman stands up straight and tall -- all of a sudden
          the Bruce Willis of cavemen.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LOSER CAVEMAN
</b>                    After beast smash cave, Loser look
                    at beast and say, "not on Loser's
                    watch." Loser grab rock on ground,
                    lift above head and smash it
                    down... right onto motherfucker's
                    head.
<b>          
</b>          The entire village gasps.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   4.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                LOSER CAVEMAN
</b>                      Loser kill beast.
<b>                          (PAUSE)
</b>                      Now fuck off, Loser going back to
                      sleep.
<b>          
</b>          The chief steps forward ominously, then proclaims:
<b>          
</b><b>                                CHIEF CAVEMAN
</b>                      Loser kill beast! Loser caveman
                      hero!
<b>          
</b>          Loser steps forward, grabs the prettiest of all cavewomen and
          drags her towards his cave as the entire village erupts in
          cheer.
<b>          
</b><b>          FREEZE FRAME:
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                NARRATOR
</b>                      The world's first lie. A monumental
                      occasion in the history of mankind.
<b>                          (PAUSE)
</b>                      That lowly caveman who stumbled
                      upon the ability to lie went on to
                      become chief of his village,
                      married dozens of cavewomen, and
                      passed on the lying gene to
                      hundreds of newborn cave-children.
<b>                          (PAUSE)
</b>                      Over time lying spread throughout
                      the world, sparking the eventual
                      birth of imagination itself, story-
                      telling, religion, and the oh-so-
                      important polite lie, as in, "Oh
                      Patty, have you lost weight? You
                      look fantastic."
<b>                          (PAUSE)
</b>                      The world would be a very different
                      place if events had gone otherwise
                      on that prolific, Paleolithic eve.
                      If not for that night, man would
                      have never acquired the ability to
                      lie to himself and to others.
<b>                          (PAUSE)
</b>                      A world without lying would be a
                      world without dreams. A world
                      without pretense. A world without
                      fiction. A world without flattery.
                      A world very unlike our own.
<b>          
</b><b>          UNFREEZE:
</b><b>          
</b>          The film rewinds about thirty seconds, to the point where the
          chief asked what happened with "loser caveman" and the boar.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    5.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              CHIEF CAVEMAN
</b>                    Loser, what happen?
<b>          
</b><b>                              LOSER CAVEMAN
</b><b>                        (SHAMEFULLY)
</b>                    The Beast, it came at me. It smash
                    my cave.
<b>          
</b>          AGAIN WE FLY into the caveman's skull, traveling through his
          homo erectus brain. Sparks are flying back and forth across
          his brain as his synapses fire in rapid succession...
<b>          
</b>          But this time there's no explosion.
<b>          
</b>          We fly back out of "loser caveman's" skull -- his face
          contorted in rage.
<b>          
</b>          The rage slowly fades and Loser just stands there, everyone
          in the camp waiting for him to say something.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LOSER CAVEMAN
</b>                    Rock fall on beast. Loser do
                    nothing. I think Loser even soil
                    bear pants.
                        (pause; sniffing)
                    Loser smell bad.
<b>          
</b>          Everyone falls onto the ground laughing hysterically.
<b>          
</b><b>                              CHIEF CAVEMAN
</b>                    Loser biggest loser ever! Caveman,
                    throw rocks at loser!
<b>          
</b>          Everyone in the camp joins in on another round of throwing
          rocks at "loser caveman" as he runs around the camp,
          terrified and miserable.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                       FADE TO BLACK.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT: "PRESENT DAY. LOS ANGELES, CA."
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                            FADE UP:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. JENNIFER'S APARTMENT COMPLEX - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          A completely indistinguishable Los Angeles mid-rent apartment
          complex.
<b>          
</b>          MARK BELLISON pulls up in his early nineties Volvo, parks and
          enters.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    6.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. JENNIFER'S APARTMENT COMPLEX - SAME
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark (40's), average to semi-handsome, twists and turns
          through stucco hallways. He knocks on apartment "9C".
<b>          
</b>          JENNIFER MCDOOGLES opens, her face flushed. She's beautiful.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Hi. You're early. I was just
                    masturbating.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    That makes me think of your vagina.
                    I'm Mark, how are you?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    A little frustrated at the moment.
                    Also equally depressed and
                    pessimistic about our date tonight.
                    I'm Jennifer.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I hope this date ends in sex.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Not me. I don't find you
                    attractive. Come on in.
<b>          
</b>          Mark enters.
<b>          
</b><b>          ROLL CREDITS
</b><b>          
</b>          Jennifer's apartment is new-adult, as if she just found out
          she was an adult yet hasn't had the time or the money to
          complete the transition.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I need to finish getting ready.
                    While doing that I might realize
                    I'm still horny and try to finish
                    masturbating without you hearing.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer heads towards the bathroom. Mark stands alone in her
          living room, looking around.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (shouting to her)
                    I feel awkward and I regret being
                    early.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                      7.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER (O.S.)
</b>                        (shouting back)
                    Yeah, I'm disappointed you're early
                    and not really looking forward to
                    tonight in general, but the thought
                    of being alone the rest of my life
                    scares both my mother and I
                    equally.
<b>          
</b>          It's completely silent for a long beat. Mark looks around,
          then sits on her couch.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (shouting to her)
                    I have an erection now because I
                    assume you began masturbating once
                    we stopped talking.
<b>          
</b>          More silence.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (shouting to her)
                    I'm embarrassed because I think the
                    restaurant I've made reservations
                    at might not be expensive enough or
                    hip enough to impress you, but it
                    was the best I could do because I
                    don't make very much money. You
                    see, I'm forty years old and have
                    no real financial assets to speak
                    of, I've never owned a home, and
                    never had a significant
                    relationship. My boss even told me
                    today that I'm most likely going to
                    get fired tomorrow and...
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer enters the room and Mark stops talking.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I just masturbated.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    That makes me very horny.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Shall we go?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Sure.
<b>          
</b>          Mark stands up. Jennifer picks up her purse and opens the
          door.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                           8.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                 JENNIFER
</b>                    After you.
<b>          
</b><b>          END CREDITS
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S VOLVO - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark and Jennifer drive in silence for a beat.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I'm only doing this as a favor for
                    my cousin Greg. He keeps begging me
                    to go out on a date with you. He
                    says you're funny.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Greg's a good friend.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Where are we eating tonight?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    A cute little place called La
                    Bonisera in West Hollywood.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    You obviously don't have very much
                    money but that's not necessarily a
                    deal breaker.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I have very little money.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I also don't really care about a
                    guy who knows all the latest,
                    hippest restaurants.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I don't know any of them.
<b>          
</b><b>                               JENNIFER
</b>                    In fact, there are very few things
                    in life that I care about all that
                    much. The only things I have to
                    offer myself or anyone else are my
                    good looks and my affected sense of
                    quirkiness which artistically
                    inclined men interpret as
                    intellect.
<b>                               (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                   9.
</b><b>          
</b>                              JENNIFER (cont'd)
                    In fact, I think my best trait is
                    the fact that I've made very few
                    mistakes: socially, academically,
                    financially or romantically. I take
                    very few risks and therefore lead a
                    relatively happy and light-hearted
                    existence. Mostly though, I'm a
                    kind, sweet person with the
                    potential of genuinely becoming a
                    vital and interesting human being
                    the day I take the energy I expend
                    on hyper self-reflexivity and apply
                    it to actual action in the reality
                    of my life.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I found that boring and started
                    thinking about this place's fish
                    tacos.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. LA BONISERA - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          The Volvo pulls up in front of the restaurant and the valet
          parking guy opens Jennifer's door.
<b>          
</b><b>                              VALET PARKING GUY
</b>                    I'm extremely bored.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Hello.
<b>          
</b>          The valet parking guy hands Mark a ticket.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. LA BONISERA - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          They enter the quaint Mexican restaurant.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    This isn't as nice as I remember
                    it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    What are we going to talk about?
<b>          
</b>          They approach the hostess.
<b>          
</b><b>                              HOSTESS
</b>                        (to Jennifer)
                    I'm threatened by you.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Two, please.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    10.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              HOSTESS
</b>                    Of course, come with me.
<b>          
</b>          The hostess seats them in the midst of the semi-crowded
          restaurant.
<b>          
</b>          A young, awkward waiter approaches.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WAITER
</b>                    I'm very embarrassed that I work
                    here. Hi.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Hello.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Hello.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WAITER
</b>                        (to Jennifer)
                    And you're pretty and that only
                    makes me feel worse. Can I get you
                    two started on some drinks?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'll have a Budweiser.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I'll start with your Mango
                    Margarita and probably have three
                    more drinks by the end of the
                    night.
<b>          
</b><b>                               WAITER
</b>                    Excellent.
                        (to Mark)
                    She's out of your league.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yup.
<b>          
</b>          The waiter leaves. Jennifer and Mark peruse their menus. A
          woman screams out from a table on the other side of the room:
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN
</b><b>                        (SCREAMING)
</b>                    All of a sudden I got EXTREMELY
                    angry!
<b>          
</b>          No one in the restaurant reacts.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          11.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'm going to ask you some questions
                    about your life because that's what
                    you do, but I'll only really listen
                    to about half of what you're
                    saying.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer nods.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    How do you spend your days?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I get up at eight in the morning
                    because the noise from my alarm
                    clock interrupts my sleep, so I
                    lean over and...
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    That's a little more specific than
                    I expected.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Well what did you want to know?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Do you have a job?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Yes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    What job do you have?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I have a job at an office.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    What do you do?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Just typing and filing and stuff.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Do you enjoy it?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    No. But I enjoy the end result of
                    the job which is money. And the
                    hours are pretty good for the
                    amount of money I make, which I
                    spend on things I like, such as
                    clothes, hiking, drinking -- even
                    though I know it's bad for me.
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                          12.
</b><b>          
</b>                              JENNIFER (cont'd)
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    But I'd rather just get all the
                    money and not work for the results.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Sure. Tell me more. I'm trying to
                    get a little insight into you.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Well you already know a lot about
                    me. You know I'm good looking
                    because... well... here I am. You
                    know I'm successful because you've
                    seen my apartment and the clothes
                    I'm wearing. And you know I'm happy
                    because I'm smiling.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer smiles brightly.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Are you always happy?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Usually. Some days I stay in bed
                    eating and crying.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Sure.
<b>          
</b>          The waiter returns with their drinks.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WAITER
</b>                        (hands beer to Mark)
                    Here you go.
                        (hands drink to Jennifer)
                    I had a sip of this.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 JENNIFER
</b>                    Okay.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WAITER
</b>                    Do you guys know what you want or
                    do you need a moment?
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    I'm ready.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I'll have a caesar salad with
                    chicken because I think I'm fat but
                    I also think I deserve something
                    that tastes good.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  13.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'll have the fish taco's because I
                    had them once here and it's all I
                    know.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WAITER
</b>                    Excellent, I'll get those both
                    started for you.
<b>          
</b>          The waiter leaves. Jennifer's cell phone rings from inside
          her purse.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Sorry, one second.
<b>          
</b>          She pulls out her cell phone and checks it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    It's my mother, this won't take
                    long. Probably checking in on our
                    date.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer answers the phone. She talks openly and in plain
          view of Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER (ON PHONE)
</b>                    Hello? Yes, I'm with him right now.
                    No, not very attractive. No,
                    doesn't make much money. He's all
                    right though. Seems nice. Kind of
                    funny. A bit fat. Funny little snub
                    nose. No, I won't be sleeping with
                    him tonight. Nope, probably not
                    even a kiss. Okay, you too. Bye.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer hangs up.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Sorry about that.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Don't think twice. How is your mom?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    She's all right.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Fantastic.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          TIME CUT: LATER THAT NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Both of their plates are now empty. Three empty Margarita
          glasses sit in front of Jennifer.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   14.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          The waiter approaches with the bill and places it down in the
          middle of the table.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WAITER
</b>                        (to Jennifer)
                    If I give you my number will you
                    call me?
<b>          
</b><b>                               JENNIFER
</b>                    No.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. JENNIFER'S APARTMENT COMPLEX - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark walks Jennifer to the front door of her apartment
          complex.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Thanks for going on this date with
                    me. You're way, way out of my
                    league and I know you were just
                    doing it as a favor to Greg, and
                    that most likely I'll never hear
                    from you again.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I actually had a better time than I
                    thought I'd have, but I won't know
                    for sure how I feel about you until
                    I'm less drunk.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Give me a call if you still like me
                    once you're sober.
<b>          
</b><b>                               JENNIFER
</b>                    I might.
<b>          
</b>          Mark leans in for a kiss. Jennifer kisses him on the cheek
          and goes inside.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Thanks for kissing me on the cheek,
                    I know you didn't have to do that
                    and....
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer waves and heads inside.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (shouting after her)
                    ... you're very pretty. Thank you!
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  15.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark plops into bed in his boxers. His bedroom is bland,
          uninspired and completely furnished by the cheapest stuff
          found in an IKEA catalogue.
<b>          
</b>          Mark flips on the TV and gets under the covers. A commercial
          comes on TV.
<b>          
</b><b>          INSERT: COMMERCIAL
</b><b>          
</b>          A man in a suit stands next to a single can of coke resting
          on a small table.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                    Hi, I'm Jim and I'm the
                    spokesperson for the Coca-Cola
                    company. I'm here today to ask you
                    to continue buying coke. I'm sure
                    it's a drink you've been drinking
                    for years, and if you still enjoy
                    it, I'd like to remind you to buy
                    it again sometime soon. It's
                    basically just brown sugar water,
                    we haven't changed the ingredients
                    much lately, so there's nothing new
                    about it I can say. We changed the
                    can around a little bit. See, the
                    colors here are a little different,
                    and we even put a polar bear on it
                    for the kids. Also, coke is very
                    high in sugar, can lead to obesity
                    in children and adults who don't
                    sustain a healthy diet, and has a
                    Ph acidity level high enough to
                    dissolve teeth and bones over
                    extended periods of time. Coke also
                    works great at removing corrosion
                    from car batteries and loosening
                    rusted bolts. So that's it, it's
                    coke. Everyone knows it. It's very
                    famous. I'm Jim, I work for coke,
                    and I'm asking you to not stop
                    buying coke. That's all. Thanks.
<b>          
</b>          INSERT: Coke logo with tagline: "It's Coke. It's very
          famous."
<b>          
</b>          Mark falls asleep with the TV on.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                           FADE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                  16.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          THE NEXT MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark's alarm clock blares. Groggily he rises and sighs
          deeply. He has nothing to look forward to today. Or any day.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ELEVATOR - MARK'S APARTMENT - MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark stands in his building's elevator. The doors open and
          FRANK, mid-forties and bald, enters.
<b>          
</b><b>                              FRANK
</b>                    Hi Mark. How's it going?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Not so good. Last night I went on a
                    date with a girl I've had a crush
                    on for years who will most likely
                    never call me again and I'm pretty
                    sure I'm going to get fired today.
                    You?
<b>          
</b><b>                              FRANK
</b>                    I spent the whole night throwing up
                    pain killers because I'm too afraid
                    to take enough to kill myself.
<b>          
</b>          The elevator doors open on the lobby. Mark nods at Frank.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    See you tomorrow.
<b>          
</b><b>                              FRANK
</b>                    Bye.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S CAR -- MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          As Mark drives to work we take in a bit of his world.
<b>          
</b>          A homeless man stands on a street corner with a sign that
          reads: "I don't understand why I'm homeless and all of you
          are not."
<b>          
</b>          A business man talking loudly into his cell phone pulls up
          next to mark at a red light.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BUSINESS MAN
</b>                    I'm not talking to anyone on my
                    cell phone. I only want people to
                    assume I'm very busy.
<b>          
</b>          At another red light Mark eavesdrops on a couple having a
          loud argument in front of a coffee shop.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  17.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              GIRLFRIEND
</b>                    I woke up this morning and realized
                    that, not only do I not love you,
                    but that the thought of touching
                    you sickens me.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BOYFRIEND
</b>                    The more you hate me the more I
                    fall in love with you.
<b>          
</b>          A Bus passes in front of Mark's car.
<b>          
</b>          ANGLE ON: The bus ad simply shows a can of Pepsi, and reads:
          "Pepsi. When they don't have Coke."
<b>          
</b>          A car honks behind Mark. The man leans out of his car and
          yells at Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              HONKING MAN
</b>                    Move it, fatty!
<b>          
</b>          Mark drives forward, waving to the man apologetically as the
          man zooms past him.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. LECTURE FILMS - CAR LOT - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark parks his car and walks towards a large office building.
          The sign on the building reads: "LECTURE FILMS MOTION PICTURE
          STUDIOS -- We Film Someone Telling You About Things That
          Happened."
<b>          
</b>          In front of the building is a man in a suit standing on his
          briefcase with his tie around his head, screaming.
<b>          
</b><b>                              SCREAMING MAN
</b>                    This isn't natural! None of this is
                    natural! We're all animals! This
                    doesn't feel right! Why am I
                    wearing clothes? How can you people
                    live like this? Where did all this
                    concrete come from?!
<b>          
</b>          Mark walks right by him. A woman in a business suit stops him
          on his way through the front door.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN IN BUSINESS SUIT
</b>                    I don't want to go in there today.
                    I just don't. You know?
<b>          
</b>          Mark nods understandingly and enters the building.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  18.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. LECTURE FILMS - LOBBY - MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          As Mark walks through the lobby we get a brief glimpse of
          some of the movie posters lining the wall: "The Holocaust",
          "The Death of the Dinosaurs", "Napoleon", "The Civil War".
<b>          
</b>          Each poster shows a different austere man sitting in a chair,
          holding a script in his lap, with a title above his head. The
          posters are extremely boring.
<b>          
</b>          A tour guide leads a row of tourists through the lobby. As
          Mark enters we overhear the tour guide's speech.
<b>          
</b><b>                              TOUR GUIDE
</b>                    All of Lecture Films' productions
                    are written, filmed and edited
                    right here on this very lot. In
                    fact, this building is where
                    Lecture Films' talented writers
                    scour through the world's past
                    events, searching for the most
                    entertaining, dramatic and even
                    hilarious moments of world history,
                    which are then turned into scripts,
                    handed over to our world-famous
                    Readers, and filmed for your
                    viewing pleasure.
<b>          
</b>          The whole tour "oohs". The tour guide walks over towards a
          large flat-screen television embedded into the wall.
<b>          
</b><b>                              TOUR GUIDE
</b>                    If you'll just follow me over to
                    this monitor you'll get a sneak
                    peak at Lecture Film's upcoming
                    summer's blockbuster: "Napoleon
                    1812 to 1813."
<b>          
</b>          Everyone "oohs" again. Mark, curious as well, stops to watch
          the trailer with the tour.
<b>          
</b>          ANGLE ON: TV SCREEN. A black screen.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NARRATOR
</b>                    Coming this summer from Lecture
                    Films Motion Picture Studios.
                    Written by Oscar winning
                    screenwriter Rob Marlowe.
<b>          
</b>          INTERCUT Mark scowling at this name.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                     19.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              NARRATOR (O.S.)
</b>                    And starring Oscar winning Reader
                    Nathan Goldfrappe, comes the epic
                    sequel to last year's most talked
                    about film: "Napoleon 1810 to
                    1811". Prepare for the adventure.
<b>          
</b>          The black fades to NATHAN GOLDFRAPPE, a middle-aged austere
          man sitting before a fire in a velvet smoking jacket, holding
          a script.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NATHAN GOLDFRAPPE
</b><b>                        (READING)
</b>                    And so Napoleon invaded Russia with
                    a brute force of nearly seven
                    hundred thousand men behind him
                    armed with muskets and supported by
                    canon brigades.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NARRATOR (O.S.)
</b>                    Learn of his defeat.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NATHAN GOLDFRAPPE
</b><b>                        (READING)
</b>                    Through the devastating snow they
                    marched, crippled by disease and
                    hunger, Napoleon's men marched on.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NARRATOR (O.S.)
</b>                    Listen to his redemption.
<b>          
</b>          INTERCUT the tour, enraptured by this trailer. A few of the
          tourists whisper to each other.
<b>          
</b><b>                              TOURIST #1
</b>                    I love these films. Saves me
                    reading the book.
<b>          
</b>          INTERCUT the trailer title slamming onto the screen:
<b>          
</b><b>                              NARRATOR
</b>                    Napoleon 1812 to 1813. Coming this
                    summer from Lecture Films.
<b>          
</b>          The trailer ends and the tour applauds. The tour guide turns
          to find Mark walking away.
<b>          
</b><b>                              TOUR GUIDE
</b>                    Look everyone, there goes Mark
                    Bellison, one of Lecture Films very
                    own screenwriters!
<b>          
</b>          The whole tour turns towards Mark. Mark turns around and
          dejectedly waves.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  20.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              TOUR GUIDE
</b>                    He's one of our least successful
                    writers here at Lecture Films.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    I also hear he's most likely
                    getting fired today.
<b>          
</b>          The tour nods at Mark. Mark nods back.
<b>          
</b><b>                              TOUR GUIDE
</b>                    Now let's head to editing bay where
                    we can watch....
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. LECTURE FILMS - WRITER'S OFFICES - MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark walks past cubicle after cubicle until he comes to his
          office and SHELLEY, his attractive late-20's receptionist.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    Hi Shelley. I'm still attracted to
                    you today.
<b>          
</b><b>                              SHELLEY
</b>                    Hi Mark. Everyday I realize more
                    and more how over-qualified I am
                    for this position and how
                    incompetent you are at yours.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Any messages?
<b>          
</b><b>                              SHELLEY
</b>                    Anthony's coming by within the hour
                    to see if he can work up the
                    courage to fire you. If he can't,
                    he said he'll definitely do it
                    tomorrow.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Nobody else called? No calls to do
                    with actual work?
<b>          
</b><b>                              SHELLEY
</b>                    Well, I told everybody you were
                    getting fired this week and not to
                    expect their calls returned, so no
                    one left any messages.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    Next time I'd rather you took down
                    the messages just in case I don't
                    get fired.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  21.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              SHELLEY
</b>                    You're almost definitely getting
                    fired.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Well, it hasn't happened yet.
<b>          
</b><b>                              SHELLEY
</b>                    Okay, but everybody knows you are.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Okay, I'll be in my office.
<b>          
</b><b>                              SHELLEY
</b>                    Okay, I'll be searching for new
                    jobs on Craigslist.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. LECTURE FILMS - MARK'S OFFICE - MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark's office is completely boring and unremarkable, much
          like his apartment.
<b>          
</b>          There's a knock on his door.
<b>          
</b>          ANTHONY enters, looking very much the boss in his expensive
          suit, yet nervous and fearful as well.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    Wow, you look really depressed
                    today. That's going to make this so
                    much harder.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Anthony, don't fire me.
<b>          
</b>          Anthony sits down on the other side of Mark's desk and leans
          forward.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    Mark, the 1300's are boring.
                    Nothing interesting happened in
                    that century. Nobody cares about
                    the post-Roman, pre-enlightenment
                    era. The last few scripts you
                    turned in were depressing.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    They were about the black plague!
                    It's the 1300's Anthony, what else
                    am I going to write about!
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   22.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    It's not totally your fault, Mark.
                    You got stuck with a bad century.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No! I can make it work!
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    Give it up Mark, it's not like
                    something new is going to have
                    happened in the 1300's. At Lecture
                    Films we're no longer interested in
                    searching through the less well-
                    known historical periods for great
                    events, we just want to take the
                    big name Reader's of the day and
                    have them read the historical
                    events that people know and love:
                    the holocaust, D-day, the birth of
                    electricity. These are the stories
                    people want to see, because they
                    know them. They find comfort in
                    them.
<b>          
</b>          Anthony pauses.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    Do you think I could come back and
                    do this tomorrow? I just got very
                    nervous about firing you. I don't
                    do well with confrontation.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Is there anyway you could do it
                    now? I'd rather not put it off.
<b>          
</b>          Anthony thinks for a moment, struggling to find the courage.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b><b>                        (MEEKLY)
</b>                    You're fired?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Damn.
<b>          
</b>          Anthony slinks out of the room. Mark looks down at his
          computer to see he has an email in his inbox.
<b>          
</b>          ANGLE ON: MARK'S COMPUTER -- The email reads: "I woke up this
          morning, sober, and realized that, while I did enjoy your
          company, based on your looks, your financial situation and
          your position in life, I have no interest in you
          romantically. I'm just too far out of your league. --
<b>          JENNIFER"
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                  23.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark sits back in his chair and sighs deeply.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    She's a really good writer, too.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. LECTURE FILMS - WRITER'S OFFICES - MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          With all of his meager belongings stuffed into a box, Mark
          leaves his office, stopping in front of Shelley's desk.
<b>          
</b><b>                              SHELLEY
</b>                    I loathed almost every minute I
                    worked for you.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I often fantasized about you naked.
<b>          
</b><b>                              SHELLEY
</b>                    What are you going to do now?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I have no idea. But I have very
                    little hope for the future.
<b>          
</b><b>                              SHELLEY
</b>                    I don't have much hope for you
                    either, but I wish you good luck.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Bye, Shelley.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 SHELLEY
</b>                    Bye, Mark.
<b>          
</b>          Mark heads towards the elevator and is stopped by ROB
          MARLOWE, a little weasel man with a hip haircut and expensive
          clothes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROB
</b>                    So they fucking fired you, huh
                    dipshit? I always knew the Black
                    Plague would never work as a movie.
                    Guess the 1300's were as much of a
                    loser as you are.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Please don't make me feel worse. Or
                    actually whatever, go ahead, I
                    don't think I could possibly feel
                    worse.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  24.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                               ROB
</b>                    I fucking always hated you. You're
                    a shitty writer assigned to a
                    shitty century and you're a little
                    man bitch. But I was always
                    threatened by you because I knew
                    there was something different about
                    you that I didn't understand and I
                    fucking hate things I don't
                    understand. But you will always be
                    a loser and I will always be more
                    successful than you in nearly every
                    way. That's just the way it is. And
                    Shelley calls you an ass fag behind
                    your back.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Well, now I feel worse.
<b>          
</b>          Rob storms off. Mark slinks into the elevator and hangs his
          head in shame as the doors close.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. ELDERLY HOME - DAY
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON SIGN: "A SAD PLACE FOR HOPELESS OLD PEOPLE"
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark enters the building.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ELDERLY HOME - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark walks up to the front desk to find a young receptionist.
<b>          
</b><b>                              RECEPTIONIST
</b>                    Are you looking to abandon an
                    elderly person?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I already have. Martha Bellison.
                    I'm her grandson.
<b>          
</b><b>                              RECEPTIONIST
</b>                    Ooh, it's good you're here. She's
                    not doing well. You should say your
                    final goodbyes today.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You say that every time I'm here.
<b>          
</b><b>                              RECEPTIONIST
</b>                    She's at the top of our death pool.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  25.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark walks down the hall, passing different elderly people
          who reach out to him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ELDERLY PERSON #1
</b>                    You look like my dead son.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ELDERLY PERSON #3
</b>                    Life gets worse with each passing
                    minute.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ELDERLY PERSON #4
</b>                    I'm on pills that make everything
                    orange.
<b>          
</b>          Mark opens a door and enters.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARTHA SCHIFFMAN'S ROOM - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          An elderly woman in a light blue robe sits on the side of her
          bed, with her back to Mark, staring at the wall only inches
          from her face.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Oh Grandma, that is so depressing.
                    Come on, at least stare at the
                    ceiling or something.
<b>          
</b>          Mark takes his grandmother by the hand and steers her to the
          other side of her bed.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARTHA
</b>                    The television is broken.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    The television isn't broken. You
                    probably sat on the remote and
                    changed it to channel two again.
<b>          
</b>          Mark flicks on the TV with the remote. Static fills the
          screen. He changes the channel and a picture comes into view.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    See, you had it on the wrong
                    channel. It needs to be on channel
                    three in order for the satellite to
                    work.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARTHA
</b>                    I don't understand anything you
                    just said and that makes me scared
                    and angry.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                26.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                    MARK
</b>          I can't understand what it feels
          like to be you so it just irritates
          me and makes me think you're
          stupid. But I also love you and
          wish things were better for you.
<b>          
</b><b>                      MARTHA
</b>          I do too.
<b>          
</b><b>                    MARK
</b>          Grandma, I lost my job today. I'm
          forty years old. I'm completely
          alone and I've got absolutely no
          prospects for anything.
<b>          
</b><b>                     MARTHA
</b>          I'm sorry, Mark. Things aren't any
          better for me here. I can't afford
          most of my medication, I'm very
          alone and I forget more and more
          every day.
<b>          
</b><b>                    MARK
</b>          I'm just so tired of life. Why does
          life have to be so... what's the
          word? Don't you sometimes wish you
          could change things? Don't you
          sometimes wish you weren't such a
          loser?
<b>          
</b><b>                    MARTHA
</b>          I don't think I'm a loser.
<b>          
</b><b>                    MARK
</b>          Of course you're a loser, grandma.
          Our family is made up of losers.
          We're all poor, we're all average
          looking, we're all only moderately
          intelligent, we're all lonely and
          unloved.
<b>          
</b><b>                    MARTHA
</b>          Well, we're poor because we weren't
          born with money and it's very hard
          to make enough money in a single
          lifetime to move from one social
          class to another. We're only
          moderately intelligent because
          there's been a lot of inbreeding in
          our lineage. And we're only lonely
          and unloved right now. Remember,
          I've had two husbands I loved very
          much in my lifetime.
<b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                  27.
</b><b>          
</b>                              MARTHA (cont'd)
                    And maybe one day you'll have a
                    wife that you love very much too.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yeah, but I'm not talking about the
                    past, Grandma. I'm talking about
                    right now. And right now we're both
                    losers, Grandma. We're both shitty,
                    shitty losers. Don't you know that?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARTHA
</b>                    I suppose we are. But things could
                    be worse. We could be homeless.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'd rather be dead than be
                    homeless. That's why I need to get
                    out there and find a job. If I have
                    to be homeless, I'm going to kill
                    myself.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARTHA
</b>                    Well that's sad. I love you, Mark.
                    Good luck finding a job!
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I love you too, Grandma.
<b>          
</b>          Mark leaves. As he shuts the door from the hallway he hears
          the channel change and turn back to static.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARTHA (O.S.)
</b>                    Oops.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. BAR - AFTERNOON
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark and his friend GREG (40'S), an even less attractive,
          less interesting and less intelligent version of Mark, are
          bellied up the bar with half empty beers in front of them.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'll start looking for a job
                    tomorrow.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Lately I don't like Indian people.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    I don't like white people even more
                    though. I fucking hate white
                    people. I fucking hate people.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          28.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Hey, thanks for setting me up with
                    your cousin by the way.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Third cousin. She's hot right?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Very.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Way out of your league. Dunno why
                    you bothered.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    It felt nice to go out with someone
                    that pretty. Like for just one
                    moment I experienced what it would
                    be like to be the type of person
                    someone like that would date. It
                    felt good. Doesn't matter anyway. I
                    will always be just who I am right
                    now: average looking, of average
                    intelligence with an average
                    personality. Just a completely
                    generic human being.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Your life is still better than
                    mine.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    By a good margin.
<b>          
</b>          A sad beat.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Lately I've been crying in my sleep
                    and waking up in a pool of urine.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I really wish I had a better friend
                    than you.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    So, what are you going to do now?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I don't know. Guess I'll start
                    looking for another crappy job.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  29.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Doubt you'll find one. Not much
                    need for an out-of-work writer
                    specializing in the Black Plague.
<b>          
</b>          Mark downs his last shot.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'm going to go now. You're
                    seriously depressing me. I really
                    wish I was cool enough to have a
                    better friend than you.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    I'm the best you're gonna get, man.
                    Call me later.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yeah.
<b>          
</b>          Mark gets up and drunkenly stumbles out of the bar.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark drunkenly lies in bed. He picks up the phone and dials.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER (ON PHONE)
</b>                    Hello?
<b>          
</b>          Mark just breathes, too scared to say anything.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER (ON PHONE)
</b>                    Hello? I can hear you breathing. Is
                    this a rapist?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (QUICKLY)
</b>                    No, it's Mark. I'm sorry.
<b>          
</b>          Mark hangs up quickly, embarrassed and ashamed. He sighs and
          turns off the light.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                            FADE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          THE NEXT MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          The alarm clock goes off.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Shut the fuck up, I don't even have
                    a job!
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  30.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark tosses the alarm clock across the room and goes back to
          bed.
<b>          
</b><b>          LATER.
</b><b>          
</b>          A loud banging wakes Mark who groggily stumbles out of bed.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark opens the door to find his landlord, a middle aged, well-
          groomed man.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LANDLORD
</b>                    I'm here for the rent.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I was going to come talk to you
                    about that. I got fired yesterday.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LANDLORD
</b>                    I know. That's why I'm here for the
                    rent.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Well, I haven't got it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LANDLORD
</b>                    How much do you have?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I think I've got about three
                    hundred dollars in my bank account.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LANDLORD
</b>                    The rent is eight hundred dollars.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I know. I haven't got it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LANDLORD
</b>                    Then you're evicted. I'll help you
                    with your things.
<b>          
</b>          A stunned Mark stands helpless as the Landlord pushes past
          him, grabs a lamp from his living room and carries it out
          into the hallway.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LANDLORD
</b>                    Help me with the couch. It looks
                    heavy.
<b>          
</b>          Mark sighs and follows the Landlord back into his apartment.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  31.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY - AFTERNOON
</b><b>          
</b>          With all of his belongings piled up in the hallway, a tired
          and sweaty Mark stares defeatedly at his landlord.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LANDLORD
</b>                    You have one day to get your things
                    out of this hallway.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    How am I supposed to do that?
<b>          
</b><b>                              LANDLORD
</b>                    You've got three hundred dollars.
                    Rent a truck.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Oh, fuck me.
<b>          
</b>          Mark grits his teeth in rage.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. BANK - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark steps up to the female teller at the bank. Mark is at
          the lowest point in his entire life.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BANK TELLER
</b>                    How can I help you today?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'd like to make a withdrawal.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BANK TELLER
</b>                    Okay, sir. I'm confident I can help
                    you with that.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I've just been evicted from my
                    apartment so I need to withdraw
                    what I have left in my account so I
                    can move my things out. I guess I
                    need to close out my account to do
                    that.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    I think I'm about to be homeless.
<b>          
</b>          CLOSE ON MARK: This sinks in.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  32.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              BANK TELLER
</b>                    Unfortunately sir the system is
                    down right now so I'm not going to
                    be able to perform an account
                    closure until the system is back
                    up. But I can assist you in a
                    withdrawal. How much would you like
                    to withdraw?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Well, I'd like to withdraw eight
                    hundred dollars.
<b>          
</b>          The bank teller smiles at Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BANK TELLER
</b>                    How much are you going to withdraw
                    today, sir?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    All of it. Just whatever is left.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BANK TELLER
</b>                    The system is down, sir. Please
                    tell me how much you have in your
                    account?
<b>          
</b>          At the peak of his despair something suddenly comes over
          Mark. His face turns a light shade of red as the wheels begin
          to spin in his brain. He is fighting something within.
<b>          
</b>          WE FLY into Mark's skull, traveling through his cerebral
          cortex and towards the frontal lobe of his brain. Sparks are
          flying back and forth across his brain as his synapses fire
          in rapid succession.
<b>          
</b>          There is a small explosion.
<b>          
</b>          We fly back out of Mark's skull -- his eyes are locked on the
          Bank Teller's like a deer in the headlights.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 BANK TELLER
</b>                    Sir?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (awkwardly fast)
                    Eight hundred dollars.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 BANK TELLER
</b>                    Pardon me?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  33.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (more confident)
                    I have eight hundred dollars in my
                    bank account.
<b>          
</b>          The teller locks eyes with Mark... then looks towards her
          computer.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BANK TELLER
</b>                    Wait a second here. The system just
                    came back up.
                        (to co-worker)
                    System seems to be back up, guys.
                        (to Mark)
                    Just one second while I access your
                    account. You said you're
                    withdrawing eight hundred, correct?
<b>          
</b>          Mark breaks out in a cold sweat.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yup.
<b>          
</b>          The bank teller types on her keyboard.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BANK TELLER
</b>                    Well, look at this. It says here
                    you've only got three hundred
                    dollars in your account. But you
                    said you wanted to withdraw eight
                    hundred?
<b>          
</b>          Mark doesn't know what to say. He tries to speak but nothing
          comes out.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BANK TELLER
</b>                    I apologize for this sir, but it
                    seems our system has made a
                    mistake. Hold on one second while I
                    go and get your eight hundred
                    dollars. Did you want that in large
                    or small bills?
<b>          
</b>          Mark gulps.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Large bills.
<b>          
</b>          The teller walks away. Mark looks around nervously, awkwardly
          smiling at the other tellers.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  34.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              BANK TELLER
</b>                        (to co-worker)
                    Guys the computers seem to be a bit
                    buggy. Will someone call James to
                    come in and look into it, please?
<b>          
</b>          Moments later the Bank Teller returns and begins counting out
          eight hundred dollars for Mark. Mark stares at the money with
          wide eyes.
<b>          
</b><b>                               BANK TELLER
</b>                    There you are. Eight hundred
                    dollars. Anything else I can do for
                    you today?
<b>          
</b>          In shock, Mark shakes his head. The bank teller smiles big at
          him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BANK TELLER
</b>                    Sometimes our computers can get a
                    bit buggy, especially when the
                    system goes down. Sorry for any
                    inconvenience.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    It's no problem.
<b>          
</b>          Mark takes his money and hurriedly walks away.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. STREET
</b><b>          
</b>          Bursting out of the bank, Mark is a caveman who just invented
          fire.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT BUILDING -- UNIT 1A
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark knocks on his LANDLORD'S door. A short, stodgy old man
          opens the door.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LANDLORD
</b>                    What are you doing here?
<b>          
</b>          Mark holds out a wad of money.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Paying my rent.
<b>          
</b>          The landlord looks at the money and slowly reaches out to
          take it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LANDLORD
</b>                    Where did you get this money?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    35.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    It was amazing. I went in to the
                    bank and the system was down and I
                    was going to take out three hundred
                    dollars but she asked me how much
                    I'd like to take out and...
<b>          
</b>          Mark stops himself. Something else takes over within.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I found it. Lying on the street.
<b>          
</b>          The Landlord and Mark both lock eyes for a tense beat.
<b>          
</b><b>                              LANDLORD
</b>                    Okay. Lucky.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Give me my key back.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark jumps around his apartment, dancing and screaming. Mark
          is a caveman who just invented sex.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK (V.O.)
</b>                    Today I stumbled upon something no
                    man has ever stumbled upon before.
                    What I have done today they will
                    write about in history books for
                    generations to come. And yet, only
                    moments ago... it was unfathomable
                    not only to myself, but to mankind
                    as a whole. What I have found there
                    is no word for. And it was as
                    simple as...
                        (long pause)
                    ... how do I explain this...
                        (long pause)
<b>          
</b><b>                                                            CUT TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. BAR - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark and Greg sit at the bar, Greg half listening as an
          inspired Mark ends his monologue.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK (CONT'D)
</b>                    ... I said something... that
                    wasn't.
<b>          
</b>          Greg perks up.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  36.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Huh?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I said something... that... wasn't.
                    I... what's the word I'm looking
                    for? Well, there is no word. Of
                    course there's not, I just invented
                    it.
<b>          
</b>          Mark is frustrated by his inability to explain.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    Here. Watch.
                         (calling over bartender)
                    Jim.
<b>          
</b>          JIM, mid-40's, short and stout, waddles over.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                    What?
<b>          
</b>          Mark, stands up, clears his throat, and holds his hands out
          like "gimme some room".
<b>          
</b>          There's a long pause as Mark summons his newfound talent:
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (PROFOUNDLY)
</b>                    My name is Doug.
<b>          
</b>          Greg and Jim look at Mark confusedly.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                        (dead serious)
                    Your name is Doug.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                        (without hesitation)
                    Hi Doug.
<b>          
</b><b>                               GREG
</b>                    It amazes me that I never knew your
                    real name.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    Doug is good. It suits you.
<b>          
</b>          Mark is flabbergasted.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Come on guys. Are you serious?
                    What's my name?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          37.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                 GREG
</b>                    It's Doug.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 JIM
</b>                    Doug.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No. My name is Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                        (still dead serious)
                    Your name is Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                        (still without hesitation)
                    Hi Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Mark suits you much better.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 JIM
</b>                    Mark-o.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You guys aren't following me.
<b>                        (THINKING)
</b>                    Okay, guys...I'm black.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 GREG
</b>                    I knew it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                    You're very light skinned, but I
                    can see it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    I've always wanted a black friend.
<b>          
</b>          Mark punches the bar in anger.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Fuck it, I'm an Eskimo.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 GREG
</b>                    Fantastic.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                    I've never seen a black Eskimo.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Okay, I'm a pirate.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    I didn't know they still had those.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  38.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                    Are you a dangerous pirate?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Okay then, I'm a lion tamer... and
                    I have purple hair.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Aren't you scared you'll get bitten
                    one day?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                        (to Greg)
                    I want to die my hair purple just
                    like Mark's.
<b>          
</b>          Greg nods. Mark sighs.
<b>          
</b><b>          INSERT: "TWO HOURS LATER"
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark sits at the bar looking completely bored.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                    I'm a one-armed Jewish space
                    explorer.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    When's your launch date?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                    Shalom. How'd you lose your arm?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I invented the bicycle.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    I love your work.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                    Can you get me a discount on a ten
                    speed?
<b>          
</b>          Mark sighs, finishes his beer and gets up to leave.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I give up. And I'm bored.
<b>          
</b>          Mark heads towards the door, dejected. He turns back.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Guys, if you had the power to make
                    things the way you wanted them,
                    what would you do first?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  39.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    If I could do anything in the
                    world?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                    Anything at all?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Pretty much.
<b>          
</b>          Greg and Jim think this over long and hard.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    I'd bone bitches asses.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                    Right in the ass.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Specifically the ass?
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    If I could change things I would
                    make all the hot chicks bone me.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JIM
</b>                    Agreed.
<b>          
</b>          Mark mulls this over.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Alright then, let's try that.
<b>          
</b>          Mark downs his beer and heads towards the exit.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Where are you going?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Out.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. STREET - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark walks the street, a hunter looking for his prey.
<b>          
</b>          Within seconds Mark spots a gorgeous blonde walking right
          towards him. He stops in his track, quickly trying to decide
          how best to proceed.
<b>          
</b>          But as the blonde passes him he just stares at her like a
          deer in the headlights.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   40.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              BLONDE
</b>                    Don't look at me, I'm not attracted
                    to you.
<b>          
</b>          The blonde walks away. Mark stands on the sidewalk staring
          off into space, the wheels in his mind working overtime. Then
          it hits him.
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                    Wait!
<b>          
</b><b>                              BLONDE
</b>                    Don't bother. I've heard it all
                    before.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (BLURTING)
</b><b>                    THE WORLD IS GOING TO END IF WE
</b><b>                    DON'T HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW!
</b><b>          
</b>          Immediately the blonde's eyes well up in tears. She is
          terrified.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BLONDE
</b>                    Do we have time to get to a motel
                    or do we have to do it right here?
<b>          
</b>          Mark is a caveman who just invented his penis.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. A MOTEL -- DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          The neon sign outside reads "A Cheap Motel for Intercourse
          with a Near Stranger".
<b>          
</b>          We slowly PUSH IN on the door of room 206. We hear noises
          inside that at first sound like moaning, but as we get
          closer... they sound more like crying.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MOTEL - ROOM 206 - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Bawling her eyes out and sitting on the bed doing her best to
          get her shoes off, is the hot blonde.
<b>          
</b>          Mark sits across from her, a look of guilt and revulsion on
          his face. This is not what he expected.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BLONDE
</b><b>                        (BAWLING)
</b>                    I'm sorry, I'm just so scared. I
                    don't want the world to end.
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                  41.
</b><b>          
</b>                              BLONDE (cont'd)
                    I don't want to die in this motel
                    room. I think I'm going to throw
                    up. Help me get my pants off.
<b>          
</b>          Mark stands up. The blonde grabs him and pulls him towards
          her. He pulls away.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    This isn't right.
<b>          
</b>          The blonde screams and drops to her knees.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BLONDE
</b>                    No! We have to have sex! The world
                    is going to end! Think of the
                    children and little babies!
<b>          
</b>          Mark looks down at this panicked, helpless girl and feels
          really, really bad about himself.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Just calm down for one second.
<b>          
</b>          Mark walks over to the phone and picks it up.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BLONDE
</b>                    How can I be calm? The world might
                    end any second! DON'T YOU
<b>                    UNDERSTAND?! WE'RE ALL GOING TO
</b><b>                    DIE!!
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (to phone)
                    Hello... NASA? Yes, it's... me. Oh,
                    good. That's very good news. Good
                    news indeed.
<b>          
</b>          Mark hangs up the phone. The blonde is rocking back and forth
          on the bed in a fetal position.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    We're going to be okay. The world
                    isn't going to end. Everyone is
                    going to be fine.
<b>          
</b>          The blonde tackles him in a bear hug, sobbing and laughing.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BLONDE
</b>                    WE'RE GOING TO LIVE! We're going to
                    live! Thank you! Thank you!
<b>          
</b>          The blonde falls onto the bed in exhaustion.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  42.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              BLONDE
</b>                    This has been the worst... and the
                    best... day of my life.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Okay, I gotta go.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BLONDE
</b>                    Oh no, please stay. We've been
                    through so much together.
<b>          
</b>          Mark stares at this helpless girl for a moment.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'm an asshole.
<b>          
</b>          The blonde's face and mood do an instant 180.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BLONDE
</b><b>                        (SPITEFUL)
</b>                    Well, I hate assholes. Get out of
                    here.
<b>          
</b>          The blonde chucks her shoes at Mark as he closes the door.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. MOTEL -- DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark walks across the parking lot. A look of total shock on
          his face.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. BAR - DUSK
</b><b>          
</b>          Greg is in the exact same position Mark left him in, but he's
          twice as drunk.
<b>          
</b>          Mark plops down next to him, dazed and upset.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    That was one of the worst
                    experiences of my life.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b><b>                        (SHIT-FACED)
</b>                    Did you invent a new kind of bike?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    What else would you do if you could
                    do anything in the world?
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Bone chicks asses. That's what I'd
                    do.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    43.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    What else though. What's the second
                    thing you'd do.
<b>          
</b>          Greg nods off. Mark nudges him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    What else would you do, dipshit?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'd get money. I'd get all the
                    money.
<b>          
</b>          Greg passes out. Mark nods his head, takes the three full
          shots sitting in front of Greg and does them all.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yeah. Let's do that. Greg, let's
                    go.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    What?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    We're going on a trip.
<b>          
</b>          Greg immediately perks up.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    I'll drive.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S CAR -- NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Greg is driving, Mark rides shotgun, both of them are
          completely plastered.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Thanks for driving man, I'm
                    completely plastered.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    I'm just as hammered as you. But I
                    don't care if I get arrested. I'm
                    trying to hit bottom.
<b>          
</b>          WHOOP-WHOOP come the flashing lights of a cop car right
          behind them. Greg begins to pull over.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Here comes bottom.
<b>          
</b>          Mark looks worried. The cop comes to Greg's window.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  44.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              COP
</b>                    Nothing safer than pulling over two
                    nerdy white guys in their forties.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    I don't want to go to jail.
<b>          
</b><b>                              COP
</b>                    Are you drunk?
<b>          
</b><b>                                 GREG
</b>                    Yes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              COP
</b>                    Then you're going to jail.
                    Blow in here, son.
<b>          
</b>          The cop pulls out a Breathalyzer and holds it up to Greg's
          mouth.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Wait, officer. Don't do that.
<b>          
</b><b>                              COP
</b>                    I don't think you can afford my
                    bribe, son.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    How much does it cost to bribe you?
<b>          
</b><b>                              COP
</b>                    At least five grand.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK AND GREG
</b>                    Wow, that's high.
<b>          
</b><b>                              COP
</b>                    I need to feel that I've got some
                    sense of integrity.
<b>          
</b>          Greg blows in the Breathalyzer.
<b>          
</b><b>                              COP
</b>                    Whoa, that's off the charts. Step
                    out of the car, son. You're drunk
                    and going to jail.
<b>          
</b>          Greg opens the door.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Wait.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    He's not drunk.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  45.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Greg stumbles and falls, passing out in the dirt. The cop
          stares at Mark for a long beat while his brain wraps around
          this.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 COP
</b>                    Oh.
<b>          
</b>          The cop bangs his Breathalyzer against his leg.
<b>          
</b><b>                              COP
</b>                    Damn thing must be broken.
<b>          
</b>          In the background we can hear Greg vomiting profusely. The
          cop picks up Greg and puts him back in the driver's seat.
<b>          
</b><b>                              COP
</b>                        (to Greg)
                    Son, you might want to drive
                    yourself to the nearest hospital.
                    You have food poisoning or some
                    kind of flu.
<b>          
</b>          Mark is basically passed out, vomit drooling down his chin.
          He couldn't look more drunk. The cop and Mark stare at him
          for a beat.
<b>          
</b><b>                              COP
</b>                        (to Mark)
                    Maybe you oughta drive, son.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Good idea.
<b>          
</b><b>          MOMENTS LATER
</b><b>          
</b>          Driving away with Greg in the passenger seat, a giant smile
          comes across Mark's face as he begins to laugh.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    That was awesome!
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Stop laughing, I'm sick.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You're gonna be all right, Greg.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 GREG
</b>                    Oh good!
<b>          
</b>          Greg vomits all over himself.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  46.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Stupid stomach flu.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    Where are we going?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Vegas, baby. Vegas.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. BELLAGIO - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark pulls in front of the Bellagio hotel and casino. Both
          Mark, and a very hungover looking Greg, pop out of the car.
          Mark hands the keys to the valet and they both stumble
          inside.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. BELLAGIO - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          It's the Bellagio. We've all been there.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    What are we doing here? We don't
                    have any money to throw away.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Sure we do.
<b>          
</b>          Mark pulls out a small wad of money.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    What is that, a few hundred bucks?
                    That's not going to last us very
                    long.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Sure it will.
<b>          
</b>          Mark and Greg step up to the chip counter. Mark slides his
          small wad through the window.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Chips please.
<b>          
</b>          The CHIP WOMAN looks at his money.
<b>          
</b><b>                              CHIP WOMAN
</b>                    There's a very good chance you'll
                    lose all this money here tonight.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I know.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  47.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              CHIP WOMAN
</b>                    And even if you do happen to win,
                    there's an even better chance that
                    in the long run we'll win it back.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I know.
<b>          
</b><b>                              CHIP WOMAN
</b>                    Some of the games are fixed. Like
                    all the ones that use computers.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I know.
<b>          
</b>          The woman slides him a short stack of chips. Greg frowns.
          Mark and Greg walk towards the tables.
<b>          
</b>          Mark and Greg look around. A cocktail waitress approaches.
<b>          
</b><b>                              COCKTAIL WAITRESS
</b>                    If I could be a stripper I would,
                    but I'm not attractive enough.
                    Drinks, guys?
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    No. I have a stomach flu.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    We'll both have beers and we'll
                    take them at that roulette table
                    over there.
<b>          
</b>          Mark points to a table and walks away. The waitress nods.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Oh come on, roulette is the
                    stupidest game of them all. It's
                    pure chance, no skill whatsoever.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    It's okay. I'm feeling lucky.
<b>          
</b><b>                               GREG
</b>                    You've never had a lucky day in
                    your life.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Just watch.
<b>          
</b>          They arrive at the roulette table.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  48.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              ROULETTE DEALER
</b>                    Get your bets in, get your bets in.
                    The house always wins in the long
                    run. Because of the zero's on the
                    board every bet is slightly favored
                    towards the house.
<b>          
</b>          Mark puts his chips down on seventeen black. The dealer
          starts the wheel. The ball comes to a stop on twenty-seven
          red.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROULETTE DEALER
</b>                    Twenty-seven red. No one wins.
<b>          
</b>          In full view, Mark slides his chips over to twenty-seven red.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'm on twenty-seven red.
<b>          
</b>          The dealer looks at this. His brain takes a moment to
          respond.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROULETTE DEALER
</b>                    We have a winner. Congratulations,
                    sir.
<b>          
</b>          The dealer stacks up Mark's new chips and pushes them over to
          him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    You did it. You just, like,
                    quadrupled your money. You lucky
                    son of a bitch.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    That's nothing. Watch this.
<b>          
</b>          Mark puts all of his chips on double zero. A bunch of other
          people scatter their chips around the table as well.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROULETTE DEALER
</b>                    Get your bets in, get your bets in.
                    The house always wins in the long
                    run. Fork over your money right
                    here folks. I say this so often I
                    want to kill myself.
<b>          
</b>          The dealer spins the ball. It comes to a halt on nine black.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROULETTE DEALER
</b>                    Nine black. No winners.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  49.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark takes ALL of the chips on the table, both his and
          EVERYONE ELSE'S and slides them together into a giant pile
          and sits them right on nine black.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'm on nine black. These are all
                    mine.
<b>          
</b>          The table cheers for Mark. Some people are a bit confused,
          and a slight hubbub arises in the background: "I thought I
          had chips on the table." "Yeah, me too." "We must be drunk."
          "That guys is lucky!" Even the dealer looks a bit confused...
          but gets over it quickly.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROULETTE DEALER
</b>                    Nine black wins. Big winner.
                    Congratulations, sir.
<b>          
</b>          The roulette dealer slides about five grand in chips over to
          Mark. Greg's jaw is on the floor.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Do it again.
<b>          
</b>          Mark notices the confused people around him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I don't think I should. Lets go
                    play slots.
<b>          
</b><b>          MOMENTS LATER
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark is talking to a Pit Man right in front of a slot
          machine.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Hi, I just won a major jackpot on
                    this slot machine but no money came
                    out.
<b>          
</b><b>                              PIT MAN
</b>                    I'm sorry about that, sir. Let me
                    get that fixed for you. And can I
                    say congratulations, sir.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Thank you.
<b>          
</b>          The Pit Man whispers a few words into his lapel mic.
<b>          
</b><b>          MOMENTS LATER
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark and Greg, each carrying four giant buckets overflowing
          with chips, waddle through the casino.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  50.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    This is the most amazing night of
                    my life.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. BELLAGIO - PENTHOUSE SUITE - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark and Greg lounge around the Bellagio penthouse suite,
          piles of chips and cash lying around them. Greg is pacing
          delightedly. Mark lies on the couch, unsatisfied.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    It amazes me the winning streak
                    you're on. You must be the luckiest
                    man in the world.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Well, sort of.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    It was like we couldn't lose.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    We couldn't lose.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Do you have a system?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I've got a system.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Well, with your system in just a
                    few weeks I figure we could be the
                    richest people in the world.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    And then what?
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Well, here's what I'm thinking. We
                    take all the money in the world...
                    and put it on black.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Why put it on black? Why stop
                    there? Put it on a number and get
                    thirty five times back.
<b>          
</b>          Greg's eyes widen at the thought.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    That's exactly what we'll do.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          51.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Hold on, I think I found a flaw in
                    your plan. How can they pay us if
                    we have all the money in the world?
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Well, they'd just have to.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Well, they can't because we've got
                    it all.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Well, they'd better find it. They
                    can't let us bet if they're not
                    going to pay us back. They'll have
                    to just give us the casino.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    We already own the casino. We've
                    got all the money in the world.
                    We'll be betting against ourselves.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Then we'll go to another casino.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    We own that one too. We won that.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    So we own all the casino's?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yup.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    And if we win we can't pay us back
                    because we already have all the
                    money?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yes.
<b>          
</b>          Greg thinks this over for a long beat.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Only one thing we can do then.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'm listening.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Take ourselves into the back room
                    and break our own fingers.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  52.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Brilliant.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT BUILDING - LOBBY - MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark, exhausted from his long night, waits for the elevator
          to arrive. The elevator doors open and Frank, the depressive
          neighbor, steps out.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Hey there, Frank.
<b>          
</b><b>                              FRANK
</b>                    Mark. How's it going?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Pretty good, thanks.
<b>          
</b>          Frank stops and turns around, this is a different response.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 FRANK
</b>                    Really?
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Yeah. You?
<b>          
</b><b>                              FRANK
</b>                    Awful. I was doing some internet
                    research last night about
                    suffocation suicide. I'm probably
                    going to give that a try tonight.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Oh.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    All right. Bye, Frank.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 FRANK
</b>                    Bye.
<b>          
</b>          Mark gets in the elevator, Frank walks away. A short beat.
          Mark exits the elevator and yells after Frank.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Frank!
<b>          
</b>          Frank, halfway out the building, turns around.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 FRANK
</b>                    Yeah?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Don't do it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  53.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Frank thinks this over.
<b>          
</b><b>                               FRANK
</b>                    Why not? I'm miserable. And no one
                    will care.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    I'll care.
<b>          
</b><b>                              FRANK
</b>                    You're a loser, though.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Don't do it, Frank. Things are
                    going to be all right.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 FRANK
</b>                    They are?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yes. You're going to meet someone
                    soon. You won't be so lonely.
                    Things are going to turn around at
                    your job.
<b>          
</b><b>                              FRANK
</b>                    My job's actually fine.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Well, things are going to get
                    better. Better than they are.
<b>          
</b><b>                              FRANK
</b>                    What about the depression?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    It will go away very soon. You're
                    going to be happy soon, Frank. You
                    just need to wait for it. Listen to
                    me: you don't need to kill
                    yourself.
<b>          
</b>          Something changes in Frank. A slight smile comes over him.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 FRANK
</b>                    Really?
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Really.
<b>          
</b>          Frank laughs.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  54.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              FRANK
</b>                    Wow. Man, and that suffocation
                    thing really seemed like a good
                    idea.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    It wasn't.
<b>          
</b><b>                              FRANK
</b>                    Okay. Well, my night's open now.
                    You want to hang out later?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I don't know. Not really.
<b>          
</b>          Frank's smile fades a tiny bit.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Sure. Of course. Let's hang out.
<b>          
</b><b>                              FRANK
</b>                    I'll see you after work.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Great.
<b>          
</b>          Mark gets back in the elevator to the sound of Frank laughing
          to himself as he exits the building. We hold on Mark for a
          moment as he smiles and nods his head.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark sits at kitchen table, pen and paper in hand.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK (V.O.)
</b><b>                        (WRITING)
</b>                    I've discovered something today
                    very important... and very
                    powerful.
<b>          
</b><b>          MONTAGE
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark doing various good deeds throughout the day. V.O plays
          throughout.
<b>          
</b>          Marks walks up to the homeless man with the "I don't
          understand why I'm homeless and you are all not" sign. He
          says something to the homeless man, who quickly drops his
          sign and follows Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK (V.O.)
</b>                    I'm as excited as I've ever been in
                    my entire life, and equally scared.
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                  55.
</b><b>          
</b>                              MARK (V.O.) (cont'd)
                    I'm writing this down in a letter
                    in case this thing I've discovered
                    somehow ends up killing me. I want
                    to ensure that, even if I wasn't
                    strong enough to use it, that my
                    invention doesn't once again
                    disappear, never to be discovered
                    again.
<b>          
</b>          Mark and the homeless man are at the bank. Mark is talking to
          the bank teller. The homeless man looks at Mark nervously.
          The teller leaves and comes back with stacks and stacks of
          cash.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK (V.O.)
</b>                    In just a few hours since I
                    stumbled upon my discovery I have
                    seen its potential for evil and I
                    have seen its potential for good.
<b>          
</b>          Outside Lecture Films, Mark talks to the woman who was
          adamant about not wanting to go to work. He whispers a few
          words into her ear. She smiles, picks up her briefcase and
          gladly walks into work.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK (V.O.)
</b>                    I must be careful with my
                    discovery, for at this point I
                    barely understand it, let alone
                    think I have the power to control
                    it. All I know is that if I'm not
                    careful I could easily do
                    irreparable damage to the world, or
                    even cause my own premature death.
<b>          
</b>          Mark walks up to the arguing couple at the coffee shop, who
          are now sitting at different tables, not even looking at each
          other. He pulls up a chair next to each of them,
          individually, and says a few words to them. Within moments,
          the two of them are running into each other's arms and making
          out passionately on the floor of the coffee shop.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK (V.O.)
</b>                    Now, to explain my invention. In
                    essence, my creation is the act of
                    saying words that simply are not.
                    For example, if I tell someone that
                    my eyes are blue, then it simply
                    becomes fact. I still know that,
                    indeed, my eyes are brown, but no
                    one else is aware of this fact, so
                    therefore I have blue eyes.
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                    56.
</b><b>          
</b>                              MARK (V.O.) (cont'd)
                    It's a game of numbers: there is
                    only one of me who knows I have
                    brown eyes, and so many of them who
                    do not. The numbers always win.
<b>          
</b>          Mark is at the elderly home, walking the halls and whispering
          to his grandmother and each elderly person he passes, leaving
          each one of them with a smile upon their faces, and some with
          tears streaming down their cheeks.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Whoever is reading this, go ahead
                    and try it. Tell someone your eyes
                    are a different color then they
                    are. I think you'll be amazed at
                    the results. It's so simple and
                    yet... so powerful... this thing
                    I've invented.
<b>          
</b>          Mark and Frank are watching TV in Mark's apartment. The two
          of them are drinking beers and having a good time watching
          television.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK (V.O.)
</b>                    Au Revoir, future reader, au
                    revoir.
<b>          
</b>          Mark signs his letter, seals it in an envelope, writes "MY
          INVENTION" on the outside of it and sticks it in a drawer in
          his kitchen.
<b>          
</b><b>          END MONTAGE
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark lies in bed watching TV. He picks up the phone and
          dials.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Jennifer. It's Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Are you gonna hang up on me again?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No. Maybe. Who knows. I'm calling
                    because I want to ask you out on
                    another date.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Why would you do that?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                            57.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I discovered something yesterday. I
                    found out I can pretty much have my
                    life anyway I want it from now on.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Congratulations. I gotta go.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Wait, and I know you said you
                    didn't want to date me ever again,
                    but I'm different now. Things have
                    changed. I think I'm in your league
                    now.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    You're better looking?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No. I'm not better looking. I'm
                    just more... powerful. I think you
                    have to see it for yourself.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Have you been to the gym?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No, I haven't been to the gym. It's
                    just... it's amazing. Things are
                    different for me now. You have to
                    see this. I think you'll hardly
                    recognize me.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Did you buy better clothes?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No, look can we just meet up?
<b>          
</b>          There is silence on the other end of the phone.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Jennifer, If there was even a
                    glimmer of something about me that
                    you liked, please say yes. You even
                    admitted that we got along well.
                    Just give me one more chance. Just
                    one little teensy, tiny date.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Okay, fine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  58.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Fantastic. Tomorrow night. I'll
                    pick you up at eight.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Most likely it'll be our last date
                    though, so just know that.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (SARCASTIC)
</b>                    That's very sweet.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    No it wasn't. Did you not hear what
                    I said?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yeah, no I was being...
                        (pause; searching)
                    ...there's no word for it. See you
                    tomorrow night.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Bye.
<b>          
</b>          Mark hangs up happily.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MOVIE TRAILER VOICE (ON T.V)
</b>                    In Our World.... in the 1800's...
<b>          
</b>          PAN ON TV: The screen is all black.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MOVIE TRAILER VOICE (ON T.V)
</b>                    ... came the greatest revolution of
                    them all.
                        (climactic music)
                    The Industrial Revolution.
<b>          
</b>          The black fades to ANGELO BADSMITH, a middle-aged African
          American man sitting before a fire in a green smoking jacket,
          holding a script.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MOVIE TRAILER VOICE (ON T.V)
</b>                    Written by famed screenwriter Rob
                    Marlowe and read by Oscar winning
                    Reader Angelo Badsmith.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANGELO BADSMITH
</b>                    Hello, I'm Angelo Badmsith. Come
                    watch me read about the exciting
                    events that took place during the
                    Industrial Revolution.
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                  59.
</b><b>          
</b>                              ANGELO BADSMITH (cont'd)
                    Also, I will tell you all about my
                    personal misfortunes, such as my
                    wife who cheated on me with a man
                    named Perry.
<b>          
</b>          The screen reads: "The Industrial Revolution. Summer `07."
<b>          
</b>          BACK ON MARK: His eyes are wide. The wheels in his head are
          spinning again.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Rob Marlowe, your streak of success
                    has finally come to an end.
<b>          
</b>          Suddenly Mark jumps and runs to his kitchen table. He grabs a
          pen, pulls out a sheet of paper... and begins writing.
<b>          
</b>          SERIES OF JUMP CUTS: Mark writing furiously throughout the
          night, piling up page upon page. By the time the sun comes up
          Mark is exhausted, with barely the energy to keep his head up
          as he writes "the end" and places the final page on his large
          stack of finished pages.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                           FADE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. LECTURE FILMS - CAR LOT - MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark hustles through the parking lot, manuscript in hand. He
          reaches the door and then stops -- remembering something.
<b>          
</b>          Mark runs to the curb and throws his manuscript onto the
          dirty, filthy street. He gets down on his hands and knees and
          rubs his manuscript into the grime, making sure to get every
          page equally filthy.
<b>          
</b>          Satisfied, he organizes the pages into a neat pile and enters
          Lecture Films.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. LECTURE FILMS - WRITER'S OFFICES - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark walks the aisles of Lecture Films. People stop to stare
          at him. There is a whispered hubbub from the many cubicles
          and offices.
<b>          
</b>          Mark passes his old office, stopping to read the sign on the
          door: "14TH CENTURY -- CLOSED."
<b>          
</b>          Mark grimaces and keeps walking.
<b>          
</b><b>                              SHELLEY (O.S.)
</b>                    He's gone crazy!
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  60.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark turns his head to see Shelley, standing down the hall,
          terrified, staring at Mark.
<b>          
</b>          Mark ignores her and keeps walking. Leaning against his door
          jamb, is Rob, smirking as Mark passes him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROB
</b>                    Come to beg for your old job back?
                    Hey everybody, here's the loser who
                    thought the Black Plague would make
                    for an interesting film. Good luck,
                    douche bag. Freaking loser.
<b>          
</b>          Mark walks right up to the door that reads, "Head of
          Development -- Anthony James."
<b>          
</b>          Mark opens the door.
<b>          
</b>          Anthony is on the phone, his back to Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY (ON PHONE)
</b>                    They're going to fire me any
                    moment, I just know it. I'm really,
                    really horrible at my job. I don't
                    know anything about movies. I don't
                    even like movies. I like sports.
                    Head of development, what does that
                    even mean? I'm not a smart person.
                    Okay, talk to you later.
<b>          
</b>          Anthony turns around to find Mark. His face becomes very,
          very scared.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    That was the head of the studio.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    I'm very scared that you're mad at
                    me about the whole firing thing.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'm not mad at all.
<b>          
</b>          Anthony is relieved.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    Oh good, because I feel really bad
                    about it. I mean, I would be
                    horrible at your job too. I would
                    be horrible at any job in this
                    place.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    I love sports.
<b>          
</b>          They both stare at each other for a long beat.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  61.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    Why are you here?
<b>          
</b>          Mark pulls up a chair.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    When you fired me, I was very
                    depressed.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 ANTHONY
</b>                    I knew it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    And so I left this building and I
                    just started walking. And I walked
                    all the way out of town. And then I
                    walked into the desert and I fell
                    asleep under a tree.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    I don't do well with other people's
                    life changing events.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    And when I woke up I found this
                    strange old chest sticking out of
                    the ground. So I started digging.
                    And I unearthed a very old and
                    ancient box. Probably, oh...
                    about... seven hundred years old.
                    And inside the box...
                        (holding up manuscript)
                    ... was this.
<b>          
</b>          Mark places his muddy, dirty, manuscript down on Anthony's
          desk. Anthony is scared to touch it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    What is it?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    It's a never-before-heard
                    historical event from the past.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    When does it take place?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    The 1300's.
<b>          
</b>          The excitement drains from Anthony's face.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   62.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    I told you we're not interested in
                    Black Plague movies here, Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    This one isn't about the black
                    plague. Well it isn't just about
                    the black plague. Let me read you
                    some of this.
<b>          
</b>          Anthony rolls his eyes.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    Anthony, get excited about this.
                    This is a brand new event from
                    history that no one has ever heard
                    before. It's a great human
                    discovery.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    Yeah, but is there a movie there?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    The greatest movie Lecture Films
                    has ever made.
<b>          
</b>          Anthony's eyes widen.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    Start reading.
<b>          
</b>          Mark picks up the manuscript and opens the first page.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (READING)
</b>                    On the very first day of the
                    fourteenth century, a momentous
                    occasion occurred. It began as a
                    day much like any other. The sun
                    rose, the people awoke, workers
                    began to work, babies began to cry.
                    But all of that was interrupted
                    when a giant flying space ship
                    crashed down from the skies and
                    landed in the heart of Babylon.
<b>          
</b>          Anthony's mouth drops to the ground.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    What?!
<b>          
</b>          Mark smiles. Anthony picks up his phone and presses
          "intercom".
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    63.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY (ON PHONE)
</b>                    I want everyone in here now! We've
                    got a BIG ONE.
<b>          
</b>          Anthony hangs up.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    Please, Mark. Continue.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (READING)
</b>                    As the smoke cleared, the door to
                    the spaceship opened and inside,
                    were hundreds of beautiful, half
                    naked alien women.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b>          The room is filled with people now, all of them hanging on
          every word Mark reads from his manuscript. Even Rob and
          Shelly lean against the back wall, their minds blown by the
          story Mark is telling.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (READING)
</b>                    And then the ninja army unleashed a
                    giant fireball that brought the
                    robot dinosaur to its knees, saving
                    Mars, Earth and the Nude Amazonian
                    Alien Women all in one sweeping
                    motion. The earth was saved.
                    Jebediah and Aleena were allowed to
                    marry by alien king Xardon. It was
                    to be the First Human-Nude
                    Amazonian Alien Woman wedding, and
                    no expenses would be spared. All of
                    Babylon and Mars were invited to
                    join in the celebrations.
<b>          
</b>          People around the room wipe tears from their eyes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (READING)
</b>                    The wedding was held on a brisk
                    summers day on Mars, with all of
                    the survivors of the Great Ninja
                    War and the Black Plague present.
                    They feasted and danced and laughed
                    and it was a joyous occasion.
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                     64.
</b><b>          
</b>                              MARK (cont'd)
                    The moment the bride and groom
                    kissed, King Xardon performed a
                    mind-wipe on all of the humans,
                    thereby erasing all knowledge of
                    these events from their minds, and
                    sent them back to Babylon. For
                    seven hundred years these events
                    would be forgotten by mankind until
                    one day, a great writer by the name
                    of Mark Bellison, would stumble
                    upon them in the desert, after
                    being fired by his shit boss
                    Anthony and mocked by Rob and
                    Shelly, two huge douche bags.
                    Lecture Films Motion Picture
                    Studios would go on to make the
                    picture and it would be a big
                    success, and Mark would become very
                    wealthy and famous from it. The
                    End.
<b>          
</b>          The entire room bursts into applause. Not just normal
          applause, but massive, epic applause.
<b>          
</b>          Everyone crowds around Mark, hugging him, touching him, blown
          away by the magnanimity of the moment.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ANTHONY
</b>                    Mark, tell us what it's called.
<b>          
</b>          Mark thinks it over for a moment and looks right at Rob.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (to Rob)
                    The Black Plague.
<b>          
</b>          Rob sneers. Everyone "aahs" and claps again.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark and Jennifer sit at a candlelit table in the corner of a
          hip and fancy restaurant. Jennifer looks beautiful. Mark is
          on cloud nine.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Congratulations on selling your
                    script today.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Thanks. Thank you for having dinner
                    with me.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  65.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Everyone needs to eat.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    And I enjoy your company.
<b>          
</b>          Mark smiles. They both sip their drinks and look at their
          menus. The waiter comes up.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WAITER
</b>                    I'm an extremely important waiter.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    What can I get you?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I don't want to know what it is, I
                    just want to order the most
                    expensive thing on the menu.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I'll have the duck. And I think you
                    look like a little rat faced man.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WAITER
</b>                    Okay, I'll have those right up for
                    you.
<b>          
</b>          The waiter leaves. Mark and Jennifer stare at each other for
          a short beat. Something has changed between them and they can
          both feel it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Things seem to be turning around
                    for you.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Today is the best day of my life.
                    Hands down. Easy. Best day.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    It's not every day you unearth a
                    monumental historical event and
                    sell it for a ton of money.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    That wasn't the best part. It was
                    great, but it wasn't the peak of my
                    day.
<b>                         (PAUSE)
</b>                    I've had a crush on you ever since
                    I saw a picture of you on Greg's
                    refrigerator two years ago.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Oh.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                     66.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    The best part of my day today is
                    right now, sitting at this table
                    here with you.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 JENNIFER
</b>                    Oh.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You're the most beautiful woman
                    I've ever seen in my life, and
                    you're special... and it makes me
                    happy to be around you.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 JENNIFER
</b>                    Thank you.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer is touched...but she doesn't reciprocate Mark's
          feelings. Jennifer moves on.
<b>          
</b><b>                               JENNIFER
</b>                    Tell me something about your
                    family. I really don't know much
                    about you.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Ah, my family. We're what you'd
                    probably call "not lucky". My whole
                    family is kind of marked by
                    tragedy, bad luck and general...
                    shittiness. It goes back a long
                    ways and could probably drive
                    someone to suicide just hearing
                    about it, so I'll keep it simple.
                    My mom died when I was six. Cancer.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 JENNIFER
</b>                    Sad.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    And my dad got real depressed and
                    lost his job. Out of work and with
                    a kid to raise he had no choice but
                    to turn to a life of crime.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    What kind of crime?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    He was a robber. Houses mostly.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                    67.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Nice, mid-to-upper class home. Lots of white wood. The house
          is very quiet, until... the phone rings and the answer
          machine picks up.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK'S DAD (O.S.)
</b>                        (on answer machine)
                    Hi, I'm calling to let you know
                    I'll be robbing your house today.
                    I'll probably be there within the
                    hour.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    I hope you're not there.
<b>          
</b>          The message ends. PAN OVER to a SOCCER MOM standing in the
          doorway. She drops her coffee and screams.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    He was a very unlucky man. He spent
                    his last days behind bars. I never
                    really knew him.
                        (sad moment; pause)
                    But I guess I've also had a little
                    luck in my life. I did have a
                    wonderful grandmother who raised
                    me.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Oh, that's sweet.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yeah, she's great.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Where is she?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Old person's home obviously. Who
                    wants to live with that? Gross.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I know, right?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    But I'm going to get her out of
                    there tomorrow.
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                  68.
</b><b>          
</b>                              MARK (cont'd)
                    I'm going to buy her a big
                    beautiful mansion where she can
                    spend her few remaining days in
                    luxury.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    That's nice.
<b>          
</b>          The waiter arrives with their food.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WAITER
</b>                    I don't know what's wrong with the
                    chef today, but these just look
                    awful.
<b>          
</b>          He places them down.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    They look fine to me.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WAITER
</b>                    Well, you're stupid.
<b>          
</b>          Mark and Jennifer begin eating. Mark wants to say something
          and takes a moment to summon the courage.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Right. I was thinking that since
                    I'm going to be rich and successful
                    now that I might be in your league.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    And that maybe we could be
                    together. Romantically.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    What would be the point?
<b>          
</b>          Mark didn't expect this answer.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Well, I don't know, maybe we might
                    enjoy it. Maybe we'd be good
                    together and could have a happy
                    life, raise a family together.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer thinks this over.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Well, I do like you. And I enjoy
                    your company.
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                  69.
</b><b>          
</b>                              JENNIFER (cont'd)
                    And if we were to get together and
                    procreate I would like the
                    offspring that are carrying half my
                    genetic code to be well taken care
                    of and financially stable. I also
                    think you'd make a good father and
                    a good husband, which I like.
<b>          
</b>          Mark smiles. This is going well...
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Good. Fantastic.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Unfortunately, none of that changes
                    the fact that you'd still be
                    contributing half of the genetic
                    code to our children.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    I don't want short, fat kids with
                    little snub noses.
<b>          
</b>          And that's the end of that. Mark nods.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Sure.
<b>          
</b>          Mark takes a bite of his food. Jennifer smiles and does the
          same, oblivious to Mark's pain.
<b>          
</b>          Mark's cell phone rings.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK (ON PHONE)
</b>                    Hello?
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    What?
<b>          
</b>          Mark's face melts in terror.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK (ON PHONE)
</b><b>                        (LOUDLY)
</b><b>                    WHAT?
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark bursts into the hospital room to find his grandmother,
          MARTHA looking tired and scared, hooked up to dozens of
          machines, the heart monitor beeping ominously.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Grandma, they just called me.
                    What's going on? Are you okay?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                            70.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARTHA
</b>                    I don't know, I fell on my way back
                    to my room.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    What do the doctors say?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARTHA
</b>                    They say I'll probably die tonight.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    What?
<b>          
</b>          There's a knock on the door. The doctor enters.
<b>          
</b><b>                              DOCTOR
</b>                    Oh, hello. I was just coming in to
                    check on her, you must be Martha
                    Bellison's grandson.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    What are you talking about she's
                    going to die?
<b>          
</b><b>                              DOCTOR
</b>                    I'm sorry. It just doesn't look
                    good. She's suffered a major heart
                    attack and her heart is very weak,
                    her pulse not very strong, her
                    blood pressure is dropping rapidly
                    and most likely she'll have a fatal
                    heart attack during the night.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Fuck.
<b>          
</b>          The doctor checks Martha's chart.
<b>          
</b><b>                              DOCTOR
</b>                    Yup, still going to die.
<b>          
</b>          Mark sits down next to Martha, in total shock.
<b>          
</b><b>                              DOCTOR
</b>                    I'm sorry, guys. I wish I felt
                    something for you two, but I really
                    don't. I do this exact thing about
                    thirty times a night and it's
                    really hardened me to human
                    suffering. On a side note, it's
                    fajita night at the cafeteria
                    downstairs. You might think about
                    grabbing a bite to eat there after
                    your grandma dies.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  71.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          The doctor leaves. Mark holds his grandmother's hand, her
          hand is shaking.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARTHA
</b>                    I'm so scared, Mark. I don't want
                    to die. You know, people don't talk
                    about it much, but death is a
                    horrible thing. One minute you're
                    alive, there's a whole world around
                    you, humming and jumping, people
                    coming in and out, doors opening
                    and closing, love and anger and the
                    whole mess of it all, and then like
                    that, it's all gone.
<b>                        (CRYING)
</b>                    This is it Mark, only a few hours
                    left of this until an eternity of
                    nothingness.
<b>          
</b>          The wheels in Mark's head are spinning again. Suddenly the
          heart monitor starts beating rapidly and Martha lurches in
          pain.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    Grandma!
<b>          
</b>          Mark immediately slams on the big red "call nurse" button,
          holding his grandmother down as she lurches in pain.
<b>          
</b>          Seconds later three nurses burst into the room.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NURSE #1
</b>                    She's seizing.
<b>          
</b>          Nurse #2 begins filling a syringe. Mark sits by his
          grandmother's head, they're both looking right at each other.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARTHA
</b>                    I'm scared.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Listen closely to me, Grandma. I
                    have a surprise for you.
<b>          
</b>          We focus on Mark and his grandmother, inches from one another
          as the paramedics busy themselves around Martha's dying body.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You're wrong about what happens
                    when you die. It's not an eternity
                    of nothingness.
<b>          
</b>          Martha is hanging on to every word Mark is saying.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    72.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    When you die you're going to go to
                    your favorite place in the whole
                    world. And you're going to be with
                    all of the people you've ever loved
                    and who have ever loved you. And
                    you're going to be young again, and
                    you'll be able to run through the
                    fields and dance and jump, and
                    there will be no sadness, no pain,
                    just love and laughing and
                    happiness. There will be ponies
                    made of gold, and everyone will
                    live in giant mansions, and
                    everything will smell like cookies.
                    And it will last for an eternity,
                    Grandma. An eternity.
<b>          
</b>          Tears are rolling down Martha's face as a glimmering smile
          overtakes her face.
<b>          
</b>          Mark looks up to see the nurses, paramedics and doctors all
          staring at Mark in total shock.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NURSE #1
</b>                    Go on.
<b>          
</b><b>                              DOCTOR
</b>                    What else happens?
<b>          
</b>          The cardiogram flat lines.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Do your jobs!
<b>          
</b>          Everyone distractedly goes back to helping the grandmother.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You're going to be happy forever,
                    grandma. I promise you. Say hello
                    to my mom for me. Tell her I love
                    her.
<b>          
</b>          Again, everyone has stopped helping Martha, they're all
          listening intently. Some of them are crying.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NURSE #2
</b><b>                        (TEARFULLY)
</b>                    I'm going to see my mother again
                    when I die.
<b>          
</b><b>                              DOCTOR
</b>                    Tell us more, please.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    73.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Martha stops breathing. The machine flatlines. And with that
          Martha is gone.
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                    Damn it.
<b>          
</b>          Mark turns away from his grandmother. Standing outside in the
          hallway is Jennifer, watching Mark with true empathy in her
          eyes.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S CAR -- MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark and Jennifer pull up in front of Jennifer's apartment.
          There is a long beat of silence.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I'm so sorry, Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I think I just did something bad.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Do you want to come inside?
<b>          
</b>          Mark nods his head.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. JENNIFER'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark and Jennifer sit side-by-side on her couch. Mark holds a
          can of beer in his hand, gently turning it around in his
          palm, staring down at it vacantly.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer sadly watches Mark.
<b>          
</b>          Slowly and almost absentmindedly, Jennifer's hand moves over
          and rests gently upon Mark's wrist, settling there.
<b>          
</b>          We hold on them for a long beat.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                        FADE TO BLACK.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                             FADE UP:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          THE NEXT MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark and Jennifer have fallen asleep in the exact same
          position, both of them sitting side-by-side no the couch, her
          hand still on his wrist.
<b>          
</b>          Mark opens his eyes and looks down at her hand, then up at
          Jennifer who slowly opens her eyes and smiles at him.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                     74.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                 JENNIFER
</b>                    Hi.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Hi.
<b>          
</b>          They share a moment.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S CAR - MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          A bleary eyed Mark drives home from Jennifer's. As he turns
          onto his street he finds hundreds of cars blocking the way. A
          massive crowd of people are leaving their cars and walking.
<b>          
</b>          Mark gets out of his car to find a wild scene: hundreds of
          people camped out on the lawn of his apartment building.
<b>          
</b>          Standing by his door is the NURSE from the hospital. She
          immediately points at Mark and screams.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NURSE #1
</b>                    There he is!
<b>          
</b>          Mark is bum-rushed by a question-asking throng. All of them
          are pelting Mark with questions, all of them confused and
          hopeful and desperately looking for answers.
<b>          
</b><b>                              PERSON #1
</b>                    Is there only one place you go when
                    you die?
<b>          
</b><b>                              PERSON #2
</b>                    Will everyone who has ever died be
                    there?
<b>          
</b><b>                              PERSON #3
</b>                    What's this place called?
<b>          
</b><b>                              PERSON #4
</b>                    Will I get to have sex with people
                    there?
<b>          
</b>          Mark pushes through the crowd, overwhelmed by it all. He gets
          to his door and opens it, only to have the Nurse step in his
          path and block the door.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NURSE #1
</b>                    You owe us an explanation. If you
                    know something this important, you
                    better tell us all.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Who are you people?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  75.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              NURSE #1
</b>                    The words you spoke last night, to
                    your grandmother, spread like
                    wildfire. Please, tell us more.
                    Explain what you said.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Fine, fine, just give me a minute.
<b>          
</b>          Mark pushes past her and into his building, closing the door
          behind him.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark goes to his fridge and pulls out a beer. His mind is
          reeling. As he opens a drawer to get a bottle opener he sees
          the letter: "MY INVENTION". Mark eyes it ominously.
<b>          
</b>          The phone rings. Mark screens the call.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER (V.O.)
</b>                        (leaving message)
                    You've been gone for twenty minutes
                    and I turn on the T.V to see you on
                    every station. What's going on?
                    This is seriously the weirdest
                    thing...
<b>          
</b>          Mark picks up the phone.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Remember last night when I said I
                    think I did something bad? Well now
                    I know I did something bad.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    They're saying that you know
                    something different about what
                    happens after you die.
<b>          
</b>          Mark walks into his bedroom and turns on the TV. Sure enough
          there's a newscaster on his lawn, giving a report, with a
          banner on the screen that reads, "New Death Discoveries".
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    Hold on.
<b>          
</b>          Mark puts down the phone and listens to the T.V.
<b>          
</b><b>                              REPORTER (ON T.V)
</b>                    Twenty-four hours ago, Mark
                    Bellison was just your typical
                    nobody writer.
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                   76.
</b><b>          
</b>                              REPORTER (ON T.V) (cont'd)
                    Today, people are saying he knows
                    new information about what happens
                    after you die.
<b>          
</b>          Mark puts the phone to his ear again.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Fuck.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Mark, what do you know? What did
                    you tell your grandmother last
                    night? What's going on?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I can't explain it all right now.
                    Why don't you come over?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Okay.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. MARK'S APARTMENT BUILDING - AFTERNOON
</b><b>          
</b>          Jennifer pushes through the throng of people, which is now
          even larger than before. As she reaches the door Mark opens
          it for her and slides her through.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Come up quick, they look like they
                    could get out of hand any second.
<b>          
</b>          Mark hurries Jennifer into the elevator.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON
</b><b>          
</b>          Jennifer sits on the couch while Mark, agitated beyond
          recognition, paces the room.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Just tell me what you told your
                    grandmother.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I don't think I should. Who knows
                    what could happen next? I'm just
                    going to keep my mouth shut from
                    now on.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    What you said obviously affected a
                    lot of people. I don't think you
                    have the choice to keep it in now.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  77.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Sure I do. I could just walk out
                    that door and get on a plane and go
                    to Namibia. No one knows me in
                    Namibia.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Just tell me what you said. Please,
                    Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    My grandmother was dying, and she
                    was terrified, shaking all over.
                    She didn't want to just become
                    nothingness. So I told her that
                    when she died there wouldn't be
                    nothingness. That she would be with
                    all of the people she loved who had
                    died and that she would live an
                    eternity of joy and happiness.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer's heart skips a beat.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                        (barely able to speak)
                    How do you know these things?
<b>          
</b>          Mark sighs and looks out the window. The crowd extends down
          the block, all of them sitting calmly on his lawn, talking
          quietly to each other, trying to make sense of it all.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer gets up and stands beside Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                               JENNIFER
</b>                    You have to tell them everything
                    you know. This is too big. You have
                    no choice.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    But you don't understand. The words
                    I said... they weren't... it's not
                    right.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    How did your grandmother feel when
                    you told her these things?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Happy. At peace.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    And how did that make you feel?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    78.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Good.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                        (sweeping her hand over
                         the crowd)
                    Think how good it will feel to do
                    the same for all of these people.
<b>          
</b>          Mark thinks this over.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Okay. But I need a few hours to get
                    my thoughts together.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I'll go tell them.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Wait! Are you sure this is right?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Of course it is. You know something
                    that's going to change mankind
                    forever. It's the most important
                    thing the world has ever heard.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer leaves the room. Mark, alone with his thoughts, sits
          down at his kitchen table, pulls out a few sheets of paper,
          grabs a pen and starts writing.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. MARK'S APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark's neighborhood is a sea of candles. The crowd has grown
          beyond measure. A massive sea of people, all holding candles,
          all waiting quietly like serene cows for Mark to come down
          and make his announcement.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark is hunched over his table writing. There's a knock at
          the front door. Greg walks in with a large pizza and beer.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    I brought pizza. How come you never
                    told me we all get mansions?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I didn't...
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  79.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Jennifer comes out of the bedroom and quickly "shhh's" Greg.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Inventing the bicycle is one thing,
                    but this...
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Shut up. Let him work.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer pulls Greg away from Mark. Mark goes back to work.
<b>          
</b><b>          TIME CUT: LATER
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark puts down his pencil and places both written sheets next
          to each other. He has finished.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark opens the door. Jennifer and Greg are on his bed
          watching T.V. The same newscaster stands outside the
          building.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NEWSCASTER (ON T.V)
</b>                    In Seoul Korea, they wait. In Rome,
                    Italy, they wait. In London,
                    England, they wait. In New York
                    City, they wait. The world has come
                    to a standstill, everyone at their
                    televisions and radios, or here on
                    this lawn, waiting for Mark
                    Bellison to come forth and tell the
                    people what he knows.
<b>          
</b>          Mark waves his manuscript in the air.
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                    I'm done.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer and Greg jumps off the bed.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Are you ready?
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                    I guess.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          They head towards the door.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   80.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    I feel like I should be reading
                    these off of something other than
                    just notebook paper. I wish they
                    were like, written on large tablets
                    or even just nicer paper or
                    something.
<b>          
</b>          Greg grabs an empty pizza box off of the counter, rips it
          into two pieces and tapes his two pages onto them.
<b>          
</b>          Mark holds the two halves of the pizza boxes awkwardly and
          nods his head.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Feels better.
<b>          
</b>          Mark looks at Jennifer and Greg with fear in his eyes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Just tell them what you know
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Good luck out there, man.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. MARK'S APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          OTS of Newscaster cameraman. The newscaster is interviewing a
          young man, with Mark's apartment building in the background.
<b>          
</b><b>                              YOUNG MAN
</b>                    I heard that he said we all get
                    mansions, and that there's even
                    ponies.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NEWSCASTER
</b>                        (to cameraman)
                    Ponies. Mansions. Ice Cream. These
                    are the things we can all expect
                    when we die. What else can we
                    expect? We won't know until Mark
                    Bellison steps out of that...
<b>          
</b><b>                              YOUNG MAN
</b><b>                        (SHOUTING)
</b><b>                    THERE HE IS!
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark cracks open the front door and steps out onto his front
          steps, with Jennifer right behind him. The newscaster and
          cameraman run to get into position.
<b>          
</b>          Mark looks out at the sea of people staring silently at him,
          waiting for answers.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  81.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Hello.
<b>          
</b>          A man runs up and hands Mark a microphone.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Oh, thanks.
<b>          
</b>          His voice echoes through the neighborhood.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Wow.
<b>          
</b>          You could hear a pin drop. No one is even breathing.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    So. I guess you've all heard the
                    things I told my grandmother last
                    night and... I understand why
                    you're here.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    I know... some things. Some very
                    important things. And I'm going to
                    share these things with you now.
<b>          
</b>          Intercut throughout: different video feeds, people listening
          to radios, standing in the cold watching TV's through store
          windows -- all around the world.
<b>          
</b>          Mark takes a deep breath and holds up his "pizza box
          commandments".
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Everything you want to know is
                    written here. On this old pizza
                    box.
<b>          
</b>          Mark looks out at the crowd, all of them so hopeful, so
          needy. Mark looks back at Jennifer and Greg who give him a
          proud nod.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (READING)
</b>                    Number one: There is a man who
                    lives in the sky who controls
                    everything. Number two...
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #1
</b>                        (interrupting; shouting)
                    Whoa, whoa whoa. What does he look
                    like?
<b>          
</b>          Mark wasn't prepared for questions.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          82.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (STRUGGLING)
</b>                    Tall. Big hands. A good head of
                    hair.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #1
</b>                    What ethnicity is he?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (making it up as he goes)
                    He's a new ethnicity. It's like a
                    mix of all of our ethnicities.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #2
</b>                    Does he live on a cloud?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #3
</b>                    Can we see him?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (becoming confident)
                    No. He lives much higher than the
                    clouds, too high to see.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #2
</b>                    So he lives in space?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No, not that high.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #3
</b>                    So you mean the Thermosphere?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Look, people I got a lot to get
                    through here. I'm just telling you
                    what I know: Man. Lives in the sky.
                    You can't see him. Controls
                    everything. Cool?
<b>          
</b>          Everyone nods.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Number two: When you die you don't
                    disappear into an eternity of
                    nothingness. Instead, you go to a
                    really great place.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    Number three: In that place every
                    person will get a mansion.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #4
</b>                    What kind of mansion?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          83.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I don't know. Whatever kind of
                    mansion you're thinking of right
                    now.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #3
</b>                    Oh no! I wasn't thinking of a
                    mansion!
<b>          
</b>          A lot of people echo this sentiment.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #5
</b>                    Shit! I was thinking of a horrible
                    mansion!
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Look, it's the best mansion you can
                    think of, not just now, but ever.
                    Whatever the best mansion for you
                    can possibly be, that's the one
                    you'll get.
<b>                        (CONTINUING)
</b>                    Number four: When you die, all the
                    people you love will be there too.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #6
</b>                    Will they have their own mansions?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yes, of course. Everyone gets a
                    mansion.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #6
</b>                    What if I want them to live in my
                    mansion?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    If they want to live with you, they
                    can leave their mansion and live in
                    yours.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #6
</b>                    What happens to their mansion?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I don't know, it goes back on the
                    market.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #4
</b>                    What about the people I hate? Will
                    they be there too?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                84.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                    WOMAN #4
</b>          Where are they?
<b>          
</b><b>                    MARK
</b>          Okay, they're probably there, but
          you'll never see them. They're far
          off, too far for you to get there.
<b>          
</b><b>                    WOMAN #4
</b>          But what if they try to find me?
<b>          
</b><b>                    MARK
</b>          They won't. They hate you too.
<b>          
</b><b>                    WOMAN #4
</b>          But what if they don't? What if
          they love me but I hate them?
<b>          
</b><b>                    MARK
</b>          Well then you're just... you'll
          both be fine with it. There's only
          love there, okay?
<b>              (CONTINUING)
</b>          Number five: When you die there
          will be free ice cream. All day.
          All night. Whatever flavor you can
          think of.
<b>          
</b><b>                    WOMAN #5
</b>          What, even bad flavors?
<b>          
</b><b>                    MARK
</b>          But why would you eat bad flavors?
<b>          
</b><b>                    WOMAN #5
</b>          Well, you just said every flavor I
          can think of.
<b>          
</b><b>                    MAN #8
</b>          Oh no, I just thought about vanilla
          and skunks!
<b>          
</b><b>                    MARK
</b>          Well don't eat it then!
<b>          
</b><b>                    WOMAN #6
</b>          I've just thought the chocolate
          sauce is diarrhea!
<b>          
</b><b>                    MARK
</b>          Well don't put it on then! What's
          wrong with you people? I mean...
<b>              (CONTINUING)
</b><b>                    (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                          85.
</b><b>          
</b>                              MARK (cont'd)
                    Number six: If you do bad things
                    you won't get to go to this great
                    place when you die.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #9
</b>                    Where will you go?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    A terrible place. The worst place
                    imaginable.
<b>          
</b>          A rumble of terror moves through the crowd.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #7
</b>                    What constitutes a bad thing?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Murder. Crime. Rape. Things like
                    that.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #7
</b>                    You have to tell us all the things
                    or else we might do them and it
                    wouldn't be our fault!
<b>          
</b>          The whole crowd echoes this sentiment.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Fine.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #9
</b>                    Is punching someone bad?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #9
</b>                    What if they're trying to hurt you?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Then it's fine.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #7
</b>                    Is cursing bad?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #1
</b>                    What about being late for work?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  86.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    That's fine too. I mean, you might
                    lose your job if your boss doesn't
                    like it, but it won't effect what
                    happens after you die.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #2
</b>                    What about if you forget to feed
                    your dog?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    That also is fine. Unless the dog
                    dies. Then it's bad.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #1
</b>                    If you do just one bad thing do you
                    go to the bad place?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No. You get...
                        (thinking about it)
                    ... three chances. If you do three
                    bad things you're out.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #1
</b>                    Like baseball!
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Kind of, yes.
<b>          
</b>          There's a hubbub throughout the crowd: "It's like baseball",
          "I love baseball" "I'm scared of the bad place".
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                    Any more?
<b>          
</b>          About fifty people stand up and ask their questions at the
          same time.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Look, can we just move on?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #2
</b>                    No! We have to know everything
                    that's bad!
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Fine. Let's start with you...
<b>                        (POINTING)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #3
</b>                    Is it bad to wear pants?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                     87.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark sighs.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT: "SIX HOURS LATER"
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No. There's no hairstyle that will
                    put you in the bad place. Like I've
                    told you, the main things are
                    hurting people physically on
                    purpose, taking people's stuff,
                    doing things to people they don't
                    want done, killing people on
                    purpose. Okay? Are we good?
<b>          
</b>          The crowd nods apprehensively. Many of the people in the
          crowd are crying.
<b>          
</b>          One of the crying men, shaking like a leaf, stands up, with
          terror in his eyes.
<b>          
</b><b>                               CRYING MAN
</b><b>                        (SHAMEFUL)
</b>                    I've done many of those bad things.
                    Is there anything I can do to not
                    go to the bad place? Help me, I'm
                    so scared.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Well, you didn't know about these
                    bad things until I told you just
                    now so you're fine.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MAN #8
</b><b>                        (CRYING)
</b>                    Am I fine?
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #5
</b><b>                        (CRYING)
</b>                    What about me?
<b>          
</b>          Tons of people shout similar sentiments.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You're all fine! I'm only talking
                    about people who do bad things
                    starting right now. Everyone else
                    is fine.
<b>          
</b>          The crowd erupts in a massive cheer. People hug each other
          passionately, wiping tears from their eyes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  88.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (READING)
</b>                    Number seven: The man in the sky
                    who controls everything decides if
                    you go to the good place or the bad
                    place. He also decides who lives
                    and who dies.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #4
</b>                    Does he cause natural disasters?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #3
</b>                    Did he cause my mom to get cancer?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #4
</b>                    Did he cause that tree to land on
                    my car last week?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yes.
<b>          
</b>          The crowd is quiet for a long beat....they're mulling this
          over. The first man to speak is a blue collar guy with a
          thick Brooklyn accent.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BLUE COLLAR GUY
</b>                    I say fuck the guy that lives in
                    the sky!
<b>          
</b>          The whole crowd erupts in agreement. People stand up
          shouting, flicking off the sky.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #5
</b>                    Yeah! That guy's a fucking asshole!
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #5
</b>                    That motherfucker better hope I
                    never see him face to face!
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #6
</b>                    That guy's a fucking coward! Hiding
                    up there and doing bad shit to us!
                    Why doesn't he do it to our faces?
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #6
</b>                    We need to stop that motherfucker
                    before he kills us all!
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  89.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark looks worried. He didn't anticipate this. Suddenly a
          thought occurs to him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (SHOUTING)
</b><b>                    WAIT!
</b><b>          
</b>          Everyone quiets down.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    This guy who lives in the sky and
                    controls everything is also
                    responsible for all the good stuff
                    that happens.
<b>          
</b>          The whole crowd "aaaahhs".
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #7
</b>                    He's the guy who saved my life on
                    that fishing trip when the boat
                    capsized?
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Yup.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #7
</b>                    Did he capsize the boat?
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    Well, yes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #7
</b>                    He's the one who killed my
                    grandmother and left me those
                    millions of dollars?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You betcha.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #3
</b>                    So is he the same one who cured my
                    mom's cancer?
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                    That too.
<b>          
</b>          The crowd thinks this over.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MAN #8
</b>                    So he's kind of a good guy, but
                    he's also kind of a prick too?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  90.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    Right. But check this out:
<b>                         (CONTINUING)
</b>                    Number eight: Even if the man in
                    the sky does bad shit to you, he
                    makes it up to you by giving you an
                    eternity of good stuff after you
                    die.
<b>          
</b>          The crowd "aaahhs" again.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #1
</b>                    As long as you don't do any of the
                    bad stuff you listed, right?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Right. Of course.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WOMAN #2
</b>                    So it's kind of a test?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yes. Right.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    Well, that's it. That's everything
                    I know.
<b>          
</b>          Mark looks out at the crowd, they're all exhausted, their
          minds completely blown. The Nurse who started this all steps
          forward.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NURSE #1
</b>                    How do you know these things?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (THINKING)
</b>                    The man in the clouds told me.
<b>          
</b><b>                              NURSE #1
</b>                    Yeah, but how come we're just
                    learning these things now, millions
                    of years into our existence?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I don't know, he forgot or
                    something. I gotta go people, good
                    night!
<b>          
</b>          Mark takes Jennifer by the hand and pulls her back inside his
          building.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  91.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S APARTMENT BUILDING - LOBBY - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark, Jennifer and Greg wait for the elevator, all of them
          exhausted.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You think that went well?
<b>          
</b>          The doors open and they get inside. All three of them stare
          ahead, Mark looking exhausted, Jennifer and Greg with their
          minds completely blown... as the doors close and we
<b>          
</b><b>                                                           FADE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          MONTAGE
</b><b>          
</b>          Spinning magazines and newspaper headlines proclaim "Mansion
          for Everyone (almost)", "NASA searching for Man in the Sky",
          "Finally -- A Reason to Do Good", "Time: Man of the Year:
          Mark Bellison", "Mansion Prices Plummet Worldwide", "Cult of
          Bellison Await Further Answers", "Man in Sky Murders forty-
          two in Earthquake", "Man in Sky Continues to Give AIDS to
          Babies", "Workplace Productivity down Fourteen Percent --
          Everyone Daydreaming About Mansions".
<b>          
</b>          Mark is at Lecture Films turning in the script for "The Black
          Plague" to Anthony. Rob gives Mark a dirty look as he passes
          him in the hall.
<b>          
</b>          Mark, smiling proudly, stands behind the camera while Nathan
          Goldfrappe reads his script. In the background are Jennifer
          and Greg, hanging out on set. Jennifer can be seen chatting
          with Rob by craft services.
<b>          
</b>          Mark removes the "For Sale" sign from the front yard of a
          brand new, beautiful home. Jennifer and Greg congratulate
          Mark enthusiastically.
<b>          
</b>          Mark and Jennifer are walking down the street together when
          Mark stops to point out a new building with a sign that
          reads, "A Quiet Place To Think About the Man in the Sky". The
          building boasts a large stained glass window portraying Mark
          holding the two halves of the pizza box.
<b>          
</b>          Mark, Jennifer and Greg laugh it up in a stretch limousine as
          it pulls up to the movie premier of "The Black Plague".
<b>          
</b>          Mark, Jennifer and Greg walk the red carpet at the premier of
          "The Black Plague". Mark is the center of attention. Rob
          stops by on the red carpet to say hello to Jennifer and
          whisper something into her ear. Jennifer laughs.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    92.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark and Jennifer have dinner together, the best of friends,
          but as they cheers their champagne glasses there is a tinge
          of sadness in Mark's eyes.
<b>          
</b><b>          END MONTAGE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                          DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SCREEN READS: "TWO MONTHS LATER"
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S MANSION - DEN - EVENING
</b><b>          
</b>          A disheveled Mark, unshaven and sloppy looking, sits in a
          reclining chair, wearing boxers and a bathrobe, drinking a
          beer. Beer cans are littered everywhere.
<b>          
</b>          A young gay man in a suit stands before him with a pad and a
          pen writing down everything Mark says.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    So then the flying duck flew all
                    the way to Alaska where it met up
                    with a polar bear who could talk.
                    And the polar bear's name was
                    Martin. And the polar bear was
                    wearing a green cape. And Martin
                    and the flying duck both had race
                    cars with their names printed on
                    the side and...
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer enters the room, upset.
<b>          
</b><b>                               JENNIFER
</b>                    I just saw three people climbing
                    the fence into your backyard. You
                    really need to think about getting
                    better security.
                         (noticing beer cans
<b>                          EVERYWHERE)
</b>                    Mark, how many of those have you
                    had?
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer grabs the beer out of Mark's hand.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (continuing; glaring at
<b>                         JENNIFER)
</b>                    But then the evil goblin witch came
                    in and stole the flying duck's race
                    car and made the flying duck very
                    angry.
                        (grabbing at his beer)
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                          93.
</b><b>          
</b>                               MARK (cont'd)
                    Luckily the Polar Bear was there to
                    snatch the race car back...
                        (But he misses)
                    Unfortunately, the witch was a
                    smart witch and the polar bear was
                    powerless.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ASSISTANT
</b>                    Is that the end?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yeah.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ASSISTANT
</b>                    That's a strange ending.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Hey, don't look at me: it's the Man
                    in the Sky's story.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ASSISTANT
</b>                    You want me to take this over to
                    Lecture Films?
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    Yeah. Tell them to shoot that one
                    this week.
<b>          
</b>          The assistant walks away.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (YELLING)
</b>                    Tell them it's for kids!
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer glares at Mark, disappointed.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    What?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    You haven't left the house in
                    weeks. Every time I come by you're
                    just sitting here writing down
                    stories you get from the Man in the
                    Sky.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Hey, he's the boss.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Don't you think you should go
                    outside sometime? You know there's
                    about five thousand people on our
                    lawn waiting to ask you questions.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   94.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yeah, yeah.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer sits down next to him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    What's with you? You seem sad.
<b>          
</b>          Mark shrugs.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I don't get it. You're a very
                    successful writer, you've won
                    countless awards and Oscars...
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer waves towards a shelf full of Oscars and various
          other awards.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    You've changed the way people see
                    the world, the way they see death
                    and life. You've made the entire
                    world happy.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Not the entire world.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I know. Not you. The one person who
                    should be happy, the person who has
                    everything...
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b><b>                        (INTERRUPTING)
</b>                    Not everything.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    What else do you want?
<b>          
</b>          Mark sits up in his chair and looks right at Jennifer.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'd trade it all in for you. All of
                    it.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer sighs and sits down beside him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Well, you've got me. As a friend.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (not sarcastic)
                    Yeah. That's important.
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                   95.
</b><b>          
</b>                              MARK (cont'd)
                    But why can't we be together. Why
                    can't you be with me?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Because of the whole snub nosed
                    thing. With kids, your genetics.
                    You know, fat, short...
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                        (stopping her)
                    Yeah. Okay. Yup.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    It's almost a shame that being rich
                    and powerful and famous doesn't
                    change your genetics.
<b>          
</b><b>                                JENNIFER
</b>                    What?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    It would be great if it changed
                    your genetic material because I
                    really love you but I just don't...
<b>          
</b>          Suddenly Mark has an idea. He looks right at Jennifer.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    It does change your genetics.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer lights up.
<b>          
</b><b>                                JENNIFER
</b>                    Does it?
<b>          
</b>          Mark stares at her for a short beat. He can't go through with
          it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    No. No, it doesn't. Our kids would
                    be short and fat with little snub
                    noses.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Right. Too bad.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    Anyway, I've come to tell you I
                    can't go to the movies with you
                    tonight.
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                    Why not?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I've got a date.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          96.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    What? With who?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Rob Marlowe.
<b>          
</b>          Mark stands up.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You've got to be fucking... Rob
                    Marlowe?!? He's a complete and
                    total asshole.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Not to me. He's very sweet and kind
                    to me.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Well of course he is, look at you.
                    I mean, for fuck's sake, a shark
                    would be nice to you...
<b>          
</b><b>                                JENNIFER
</b>                    It would?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Well no, I mean...
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    Don't go out with him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Why not? He's a great match for me.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    What's he got that I don't?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    We talked about this. If you and I
                    got together it wouldn't be fair to
                    our kids. They have the right to be
                    attractive and have good genes.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    If Rob and I get married You can
                    move into our mansion with us when
                    we all die.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I don't want to move into your
                    fucking mansion. And what are you
                    doing thinking about marriage with
                    him already? You haven't even gone
                    on one date.
<b>          
</b>          Mark sits down.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   97.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    It's like nothing's changed.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    A lot of things have changed. I
                    wish you could be happy.
<b>          
</b>          There's a knock at the front door.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    That's him. Gotta go.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    He's picking you up here?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    It was his idea.
<b>          
</b>          Mark stands up, in shock and follows Jennifer to the front
          door. She opens the door to find Rob looking handsome and
          arrogant.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROB
</b>                    What's up? Wow, I can't wait to
                    have sex with you.
<b>          
</b>          Rob notices Mark in his boxers and a bathrobe.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROB
</b>                    Oh hey there, Mark. You look like
                    trash.
                        (to Jennifer)
                    Come on Jennifer, let's go have
                    some fun. And then have some sex.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer turns back to Mark, sad that he's upset.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I'll call you tomorrow.
<b>          
</b>          The door closes and Mark is left standing there alone.
<b>          
</b>          Greg, dressed in a bathrobe and looking even more slovenly
          than Mark, waddles up behind him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Who was that?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. MARK'S MANSION - POOLSIDE - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark and Greg are shit-faced, sitting around Mark's giant
          swimming pool.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  98.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Hey, watch this.
                        (yelling over the fence)
<b>                    HEY PEOPLE!
</b><b>          
</b>          About forty voices shout back: "He's talking to us!" "Maybe
          he has more answers!" "Finally!"
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    The man in the sky just told me
                    something!
<b>          
</b>          Mark snickers to himself. Greg, drunk and stupid, can't help
          but snicker too.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You're all gay!
<b>          
</b>          Mark and Greg explode laughing. From the other side of the
          fence we can hear people mumbling shock. "I am gay." "I
          always knew it." "This is going to be awkward for my
          husband."
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    And adopted!
<b>          
</b>          Mark and Greg almost roll into the pool they're laughing so
          hard. The people on the other side of the fence aren't
          laughing: "Who's my real mother?", "This explains so much",
          "Dad, why didn't you tell me?"
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    I don't know why we're laughing.
                    It's really probably very sad for
                    those people.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'm gettin' a beer.
<b>          
</b>          Mark hobbles up and walks into the house. Moments later he
          emerges with two cokes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Out of beer. Just Coke.
<b>          
</b>          Mark tosses Greg a Coke and sits down on his chaise lounge,
          cracking open his Coke and taking a sip.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I want to do something big again.
                    Like telling the people what
                    happens when they die. That felt
                    good. I gotta do something big like
                    that again.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  99.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Maybe the Man in the Sky will tell
                    you something new.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Maybe.
<b>          
</b>          Mark looks down at his can of Coke.
<b>          
</b>          CLOSE ON COKE CAN: The warning label is extremely long and
          written in very small type. It starts with, "COKE IS VERY BAD
          FOR YOU. The following are diseases, physical ailments and
          general health issues that coke might cause:"
<b>          
</b>          The label then goes on to list dozens of ailments. Mark's
          eyes scan down to the very bottom of the label where it says
          simply, "If you still want to drink Coke, do so at your own
          risk."
<b>          
</b>          Mark looks over to find Greg staring at the depressing label
          as well.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Ugh, this shit is so bad for you. I
                    really shouldn't drink this.
<b>          
</b>          Mark stares at this label for a moment, thinking. With his
          hand he covers everything on the label except for "Please
          Enjoy Coke."
<b>          
</b>          He smiles widely.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Hey, Greg. What if I told you that
                    drinking Coke was good for you?
<b>          
</b>          Greg turns to him, his face full of hope.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    And not just Coke. But all the
                    delicious foods you're not supposed
                    to eat. What if they were all of a
                    sudden really, really good for you?
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    It would be the happiest day of my
                    life.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                            CUT TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                 100.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          A dozen high powered executives from all over the globe sit
          around a massive board room table. The head seat at the table
          is unoccupied.
<b>          
</b>          They mumble back and forth to each other, unsure why they're
          there.
<b>          
</b>          Mark bursts into the room in a suit, looking very manicured.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Gentleman, thank you all for coming
                    here on such short notice. I have
                    some very big news for you all
                    today.
<b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #1
</b>                    Is it from the Man in the Sky?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Nope, this one I came up with all
                    on my own. And it's going to change
                    the way you all do business...
                    forever.
<b>          
</b>          Mark hits a button and a projection screen comes down on the
          far wall. Mark starts a slide show.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Up until now, all products sold
                    worldwide have warning labels
                    printed on them. Warnings like
                    these.
<b>          
</b>          SERIES OF SLIDES: We see the same warning we just saw on the
          Coke can, a commercial jet with "This Plane Might Crash --
          Four Of Our Other Ones Did" printed on its side, a car
          dashboard light reading "This Car will Ignite Upon Impact -
          Always", and a sticker on a grocery store package of ground
          meat that reads "Injected with hormones that make it taste
          better -- but will eventually give you cancer".
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    As you can see, a lot of these
                    products can be very depressing.
                    They remind people of all the
                    horrible things that can happen to
                    them in life. People hate thinking
                    about horrible things.
<b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #2
</b>                    Yeah, but they have to know those
                    things.
<b>                              (MORE)
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                 101.
</b><b>          
</b>                              EXECUTIVE #2 (cont'd)
                    They have to be able to protect
                    themselves.
                    I don't want to hurt anyone.
                    Especially now that I know about
                    the "bad place".
<b>          
</b>          Everyone in the room shudders.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    Hear me out, fellas. Allow me to
                    introduce you to the future of your
                    companies.
<b>          
</b>          Mark changes the slide to a can of coke that simple reads,
          "Coke -- Tastes Great! And It's Good For You!"
<b>          
</b>          Everyone in the room "ahhhs".
<b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #3
</b>                    Where can I get some of that
                    healthy coke?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    It's the same Coke as before.
<b>          
</b>          The executives all squint their eyes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #4
</b>                    But this one is healthy! And it
                    tastes great!
<b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #1
</b>                    Do you have any samples?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Guys, it's the same Coke on the
                    inside. I've just changed the
                    outside.
<b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #1
</b><b>                        (REVELATION)
</b>                    Somehow by changing the outside,
                    he's also changed the inside!
<b>          
</b>          Everyone "aaahs" in understanding. Mark sighs and changes the
          slide to that of a commercial airliner with the words
          "Completely Safe" writing on the outside.
<b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #2
</b>                    Oh, thank goodness. I've always
                    hated flying!
<b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #3
</b>                    Me too!
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                 102.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #4
</b>                    What an invention! How did you do
                    it?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I didn't do anything, guys. I made
                    this on my computer last night. The
                    plane is exactly the same as it was
                    before.
<b>          
</b>          Nobody in the room gets it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #1
</b>                    That's the only plane I'll ever fly
                    on again!
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    That's the point here guys. With
                    these new advertising strategies,
                    people will buy your products with
                    abandon.
<b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #2
</b>                    But it will take years to replace
                    all of our stock with these new
                    improved products you've invented.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    No. It won't. All you have to do is
                    print these words on the packaging.
                    That's it.
<b>          
</b>          Mark changes the slide again: The car dashboard light now
          reads, "This Car Prevents Crashes", and another slide that
          shows a package of meat with a sticker reading, "This Meat
          Actually Cures Cancer".
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    Even if you don't understand it,
                    just start shipping these products
                    out to people as you see them here
                    and you're all going to get very,
                    very rich.
<b>          
</b><b>                              EXECUTIVE #3
</b>                    How did you do it?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Look, they're still the same
                    products you have on the shelves
                    right now. The only difference now
                    is that people won't get bummed out
                    or scared when they use them. Isn't
                    that a good thing?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                 103.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          The executives all nod their heads in agreement and rise to
          shake Mark's hand.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Gentleman, if you'll excuse me, I
                    have five thousand gay orphans on
                    my front lawn that are going
                    bananas.
<b>          
</b>          Mark exits.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                        DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. SUPER MARKET - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          We follow a suburban housewife as she pushes her shopping
          cart through the aisles of a bright and shiny super market.
<b>          
</b>          She picks up a six pack of Coke and notices the label: "New
          Coke -- It Tastes Great! And it's Good For You!"
<b>          
</b>          The housewife smiles widely and enthusiastically tosses it in
          her cart.
<b>          
</b>          SERIES OF CUTS: The housewife grabbing different products,
          marveling at the new, improved features: "Cures Sadness!",
          "Tastes Better than Real Chicken!", "This Candy is All Your
          Body Needs To Survive!"
<b>          
</b>          With a full cart the housewife wheels it to the checkout
          counter to find swarms of people already there, all of their
          carts bursting to the brim with new, exciting products.
<b>          
</b>          Everyone looks excited and happy.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. BAR - MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Back at his old stomping ground, Mark sits at the bar by
          himself drinking coffee and watching the TV.
<b>          
</b>          Greg sits next to him, with two boxes of cookies and a liter
          of coke in front of him.
<b>          
</b>          Different newspapers are spread out on the bar, all of them
          with similar headlines, "World Rocked By New Healthy
          Products", "People Everywhere Line up for Guilt-Free Treats",
<b>          "YOU CAN EAT CAKE -- ALL THE TIME!".
</b><b>          
</b>          ANGLE ON TV: A FAT MAN is being interviewed in front of a
          super market, he holds a bag full of junk food in front of
          him.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                 104.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              FAT MAN
</b>                    Thank the Man in the Sky for this.
                    I've never been happier in my life.
                    Now I can eat whatever I want,
                    whenever I want.
<b>          
</b>          The man takes a bite of a Twinkie and wavers a bit like he's
          going to pass out.
<b>          
</b><b>                              REPORTER
</b>                    Are you all right, sir?
<b>          
</b>          The man steadies himself.
<b>          
</b><b>                              FAT MAN
</b>                    Yeah. I must just be real happy. It
                    says on the wrapper that they help
                    boost your happiness.
<b>          
</b>          The man smiles, but he's obviously not feeling well.
<b>          
</b><b>          BACK ON MARK
</b><b>          
</b>          He's watching the TV with a bit of worry on his face. He
          turns to Greg who is eating a stack of cookies and washing it
          down by gulping from a liter of coke.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    You should slow down there, Greg.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Why's that?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Just because the package says it's
                    not bad for you doesn't mean you
                    have to gorge yourself on it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    But it tastes so good.
<b>          
</b>          Greg shoves three more cookies into his mouth.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    That's just stupid.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    No it's not.
<b>          
</b>          Greg holds up the package of cookies and points to the
          disclaimer which reads, "These cookies make you smarter".
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    See?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   105.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark sighs.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    You look sad. Here, have a brownie.
                    They'll cheer you up.
<b>          
</b>          Greg hands Mark a brownie that, sure enough, says "They'll
          cheer you up!" right on the package.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I wish that worked for me, Greg.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    What?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Nevermind. I'll see you around.
<b>          
</b>          Mark gets up and leaves.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S CAR -- DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark drives while we take in a bit of his world, highlighting
          the various changes he's wrought.
<b>          
</b>          A homeless man stands on the street corner with a sign that
          now reads, "Screw it. I'll be in my mansion soon." He has a
          big smile on his face.
<b>          
</b>          The same business man pulls up beside Mark's car, this time
          eating a giant donut and talking loudly into his cell phone.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BUSINESS MAN
</b>                    I'm not talking to anyone on my
                    cell phone. But from a distance I
                    look very important and busy.
<b>          
</b>          At a red light Mark eavesdrops on the same arguing couple.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GIRLFRIEND
</b>                    No, I won't move into your mansion
                    with you when we die. You're really
                    smothering me.
<b>          
</b><b>                              BOYFRIEND
</b>                    The more you push me away, the more
                    attracted I am to you.
<b>          
</b>          A bus passes in front of Mark's car. The ad now reads,
          "Pepsi. Just As Good as Coke."
<b>          
</b>          A car honks behind Mark. The man leans out of his car and
          yells at Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    106.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              HONKING MAN
</b>                    Move it, fatty!
<b>          
</b>          As the man passes him, he looks at Mark and pulls up beside
          him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              HONKING MAN
</b>                    Hey you're Mark Bellison!
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    Yeah. So are you going to
                    apologize?
<b>          
</b><b>                                HONKING MAN
</b>                    For what?
<b>          
</b>          The honking man speeds away.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. GRAVEYARD - AFTERNOON
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark sits in front of the gravesite of his grandmother.
<b>          
</b>          ANGLE ON: Her tombstone which reads, "Martha Bellison 1918-
          2007. Lived an average life for a woman in her time."
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Nothing's really changed. I gave
                    people the Man in the Sky, made
                    myself rich and successful, told
                    the world they can eat whatever
                    they want and feel good about it.
                    Everyone's happy but me. Because
                    I'm the only one who knows it
                    all... isn't. I made it all up.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    You're not up there living in a
                    mansion. You're right here. In the
                    ground. That's all. And I'm the
                    only one who knows that.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    And the one thing I want I can't
                    have. Because the world is too
                    stupid to change. The world only
                    cares about what they can see, and
                    what they can know, and what
                    they're used to and what... makes
                    sense. No one listens to what they
                    really want. And that's why I'll
                    always just be a loser, grandma.
                    And that's why I'll always be
                    alone.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                           FADE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                                  107.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S MANSION - KITCHEN - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          With a beer bottle in his hand Mark searches through his
          kitchen drawers for a bottle opener. He opens a drawer and
          something catches his eye.
<b>          
</b>          ANGLE ON: The envelope which reads, "MY INVENTION".
<b>          
</b>          Slowly Mark pulls it out of the drawer and stares at it.
<b>          
</b>          The sound of his front door opening startles him and Mark
          shoves the envelope into his back pocket.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                       Who's there?
<b>          
</b><b>                                 JENNIFER (O.S.)
</b>                       It's me. Can I come in?
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                       Sure.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer enters the kitchen.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                       Haven't seen you much lately.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 JENNIFER
</b>                       I know. I've been busy with work
                       and things. And I'm getting
                       married. That's why I came over.
                       To tell you.
<b>          
</b>          Mark nods.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                       Don't do it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 JENNIFER
</b>                       The wedding is tomorrow.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer pulls out an invitation, Mark waves it away.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 JENNIFER
</b>                       I hope you'll come.
<b>          
</b>          Mark shrugs and Jennifer puts the invitation back in her
          purse.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 MARK
</b>                       No point really.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   108.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    It would make me happy. Being
                    around you makes me happy.
<b>          
</b>          Mark turns towards her.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    So don't marry him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I only have a few years to marry
                    someone with good genes and
                    financial stability so I can have
                    children and the family I've always
                    wanted. One day I'll be old and
                    wrinkly and ugly.
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    No you won't. Not to me you won't.
                    I love you. If you really love
                    someone it doesn't matter what they
                    look like.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    What do you mean?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Do me this favor. Just one favor.
                    Don't accept everything you see.
                    Don't just do something because
                    that's the way it's done.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    You're confusing me.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Think about what you want. Find out
                    what you really want. And if it's
                    not the same as what I want, well
                    then I'll know that and I'll never
                    darken your doorstep again.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    I want you. What do you want?
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer and Mark stare at each other for a long beat.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I'm going to go.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Please don't. Will you just stay a
                    little bit longer? I don't want to
                    be alone. Just sit with me.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   109.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Jennifer nods. Mark leads her into the living room and they
          sit down far apart from each other on the couch. Mark turns
          the TV on and they both sit in silence.
<b>          
</b><b>          LATER.
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark has fallen asleep on the couch. Jennifer checks her
          watch and stands up. She takes out her wedding invitation and
          lays it on the coffee table by Mark.
<b>          
</b>          She unfolds a blanket and is about to place it on him when
          she notices an envelope sticking out of his back pocket. She
          pulls it out and looks at it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b><b>                        (READING)
</b>                    My invention.
<b>          
</b>          She opens the letter and begins to read. Once finished, she
          folds up the letter and hurriedly leaves, scared and
          confused.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                          DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          THE NEXT MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark wakes up and sees Jennifer's wedding invitation on the
          coffee table. He sighs.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MARK'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark stands before the mirror, dressed in a suit, putting on
          a tie.
<b>          
</b>          Greg pokes his head into the room, dressed in a suit as well.
<b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    We're gonna be late.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. "CHURCH" - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          The sign outside reads, "A QUITE PLACE TO THINK ABOUT THE MAN
<b>          IN THE SKY".
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              GREG
</b>                    Makes sense people would start
                    getting married at these places. I
                    mean, who you marry decides who's
                    mansion you're going to live in one
                    day. It's a big decision.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                    110.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                    Yeah.
<b>          
</b>          They enter the building.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. "CHURCH" - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          A small stage sits before a large stained glass window
          portraying Mark holding the two halves of the pizza box.
<b>          
</b>          Rob stands at the altar.
<b>          
</b>          Mark and Greg take their seats amidst a crowd of people
          sitting quietly in their chairs.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. "CHURCH" - BRIDAL ROOM - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Jennifer sits in a small room in a beautiful white dress,
          looking as beautiful as any woman has ever looked. She stares
          absentmindedly out the window.
<b>          
</b>          There's a knock at the door. JENNIFER'S MOTHER pokes her head
          in.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER'S MOTHER
</b>                    It's time, dear.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer doesn't answer. We PUSH IN on Jennifer to see she's
          clutching Mark's letter in her hand.
<b>          
</b><b>                                JENNIFER'S MOTHER
</b>                    Jennifer?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I don't feel all right.
<b>          
</b><b>                               JENNIFER'S MOTHER
</b>                    What's wrong? Do you have food
                    poisoning?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    No. I don't think there's a word
                    for what I have.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. "CHURCH" - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          "Here's comes the Bride" plays over an organ and Jennifer
          walks down the aisle towards a smiling Rob.
<b>          
</b>          Mark watches her in awe, stunned by her beauty. Rob notices
          Mark staring at Jennifer and mouths "loser" at him.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                 111.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          Jennifer reaches the altar and stands across from Rob. The
          WEDDING OVERSEER, an elderly man in a suit, stands between
          them holding a few sheets of paper in his hand.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WEDDING OVERSEER
</b>                    We are sitting here in this
                    building today to share in the
                    wedding of Rob and Jennifer. Two
                    young, attractive people who have
                    agreed that this union would be
                    mutually beneficial and that their
                    genetic match-up would most likely
                    produce favorable offspring and a
                    life of financial stability and
                    physical security.
<b>          
</b>          Both Rob and Jennifer nod at each other.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WEDDING OVERSEER
</b>                    Rob, do you promise to stay with
                    Jennifer for as long as you want to
                    and to protect your offspring for
                    as long as you can?
<b>          
</b><b>                                ROB
</b>                    I do.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WEDDING OVERSEER
</b>                    Jennifer, do you promise to stay
                    with Rob for as long as you want to
                    and to protect your offspring for
                    as long as you can?
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer doesn't respond.
<b>          
</b><b>                                WEDDING OVERSEER
</b>                    Jennifer?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                        (to Overseer)
                    I'm sorry, hold on one second.
                        (to Rob)
                    Rob, can I ask you something?
<b>          
</b>          There's a slight hubbub in the room. Mark perks up.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROB
</b><b>                        (CONCERNED)
</b>                    Sure. But what are you doing?
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    What color are my eyes?
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   112.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                               ROB
</b>                    I dunno...
<b>                        (LOOKING)
</b>                    Oh, they're brown.
<b>          
</b>          CLOSE ON Jennifer's eyes. Indeed, they are brown.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    No Rob, they're blue.
<b>          
</b>          Rob looks again. Mark stirs in his seat, amazed by what he's
          hearing.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROB
</b>                    Oh, look at that. So they are.
                    You've got pretty blue eyes.
<b>          
</b>          PUSH IN on Jennifer. It works. Her mind is reeling.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROB
</b>                    Can we get on with this?
<b>          
</b><b>                              WEDDING OVERSEER
</b>                    Jennifer, do you promise to stay
                    with Rob for as long as you want to
                    and to protect your offspring for
                    as long as you can?
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer is confused. Her mind is fighting it, but she
          doesn't know what exactly she's fighting. Finally...
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I do.
<b>          
</b>          There is a sigh of relief from the room. Mark shakes his head
          in sadness.
<b>          
</b><b>                              WEDDING OVERSEER
</b>                    Before I pronounce these two man
                    and wife, is there anyone here who
                    thinks they'd offer either of these
                    people a better genetic match-up?
<b>          
</b>          Mark bolts up in his chair.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Me.
<b>          
</b>          The whole room gasps.
<b>          
</b><b>                               ROB
</b>                    Oh come on. Look at you. You can't
                    be better.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                  113.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Yes I can. You've got shmuck genes.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROB
</b>                    Schmuck genes? What's that?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    And I love her.
                        (to Jennifer)
                    Jennifer, don't marry him. Is this
                    what you really want?
<b>          
</b><b>                               JENNIFER
</b>                    I don't know.
                         (pause; unsure)
                    Yes?
<b>          
</b>          Mark thinks this over for a beat.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    All right. I'm done. Goodbye.
<b>          
</b>          Awkwardly Mark makes his way to the aisle and leaves the
          room. The room is thick with tension.
<b>          
</b><b>                              ROB
</b>                    Are we married yet? Because I've
                    got plans this afternoon.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. "CHURCH" - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Mark loosens his tie as he walks out of the building and
          towards the street.
<b>          
</b>          In the background we can see the "church" door open.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b><b>                        (SHOUTING)
</b>                    Hold on a minute!
<b>          
</b>          Mark turns, confused and tired.
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer runs to him. She stands before him, they both stare
          at each other.
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                    What?
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer pulls out Mark's letter and shows it to him.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I'm confused.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                 114.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    So am I.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Is any of it... the things you
                    said... are they... I can't think
                    of the word.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    Is there a Man in the Sky?
<b>          
</b><b>                               MARK
</b>                    No.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    Why'd you say there was?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Because I couldn't cope with the
                    look on my grandmother's face.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    But how could you say something
                    that... wasn't.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I'm not sure. I just did it.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    And what did you mean that I could
                    grow old and ugly and still be
                    beautiful to you?
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    I mean just that. You'll always be
                    beautiful to me.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    But what if my looks...
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    It doesn't matter.
<b>          
</b><b>                              JENNIFER
</b>                    I feel funny.
<b>          
</b><b>                              MARK
</b>                    Me too.
<b>                        (PAUSE)
</b>                    Everything is so hard. Nothing is
                    easy anymore.
<b>          
</b>          There is a long moment of silence. Jennifer moves closer to
          Mark and looks directly into his eyes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                   115.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                JENNIFER
</b>                      I know what I want.
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                      What?
<b>          
</b><b>                                JENNIFER
</b>                      I want short, fat kids with little
                      snub noses.
<b>          
</b>          The biggest smile we've ever seen comes across Mark's face.
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b><b>                          (JUBILANTLY)
</b>                      Easy! That's an easy one.
<b>          
</b>          Just   like she did the night on her couch, Jennifer reaches
          over   and puts her hand on Mark's wrist. They both stare at
          each   other for a long beat, holding hands, love beaming from
          both   of them.
<b>          
</b>          The world is changing before their eyes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                 JENNIFER
</b>                      Does anyone else know about your
                      invention?
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                      No. But I'm sure it won't be long.
<b>          
</b><b>                                JENNIFER
</b>                      Should we tell them right away?
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                      I'm not sure. I don't think
                      everyone will understand.
<b>          
</b>          Greg sticks his head out of the church door.
<b>          
</b><b>                                GREG
</b>                      What's going on out here?
                      Everyone's just sitting in there.
                      Are we gonna finish this wedding?
<b>          
</b>          Jennifer smiles at Mark.
<b>          
</b><b>                                JENNIFER
</b>                      Yes.
<b>          
</b>          Mark smiles back.
<b>          
</b><b>                                MARK
</b>                      Praise the Man in the Sky.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                                 116.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          WE RISE UP as Mark and Jennifer walk hand in hand towards the
          church -- and an unknowable future.
<b>          
</b><b>                               NARRATOR
</b>                     The world's last moment of honesty.
                     A monumental occasion in the
                     history of mankind.
<b>                         (PAUSE)
</b>                     That lowly writer who stumbled upon
                     the ability to lie went on to
                     become one of the most important
                     men of his age, married to one of
                     the most beautiful women of his
                     time, and passed on the lying gene
                     to generations to come.
<b>                         (PAUSE)
</b>                     A world without honesty is a world
                     with dreams. A world with pretense.
                     A world with fiction. A world with
                     flattery. And most importantly, a
                     world with true love. Put simply, a
                     world very much like our own.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                      FADE TO BLACK.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  THE END
</b>
The main character, Mark Bellison.