Hey guys, this is Lisa and Rebecca and we are here on the secret life of weddings. If you like drama, you're in the right place where we tell you the world's craziest, but true wedding stories. So get ready for the drama on the secret life of weddings. Hello and welcome to episode 131 of the secret life of weddings podcast. This is Lisa. Hello. That was so fancy. I gotta and hello fancy Rebecca. What is in the news in the wedding's world this week? You'll see why I did that now. Okay lady Kitty Spencer Princess. Diana's nice 29 is engaged to Michael Lewis. Who is 6000. Hello. According to global news lady can see any concealer kit. Ladies Kitty. I love that. Her name is Kitty. I'm not gonna lie. I was like fucking love it - Rob don't interrupt don't interrupt lady. Kitty Spencer is heading down the aisle the Model 29 who is the late Princess? Diana's nice is engaged to her much older boyfriend. Michael Lewis 60 the pair have been together for over a year according to the Daily Mail Louis. The question right before the Christmas holidays Last Summer the couple made their romance public when they took a trip to the Hamptons together Lewis who is five years older than Spencer's father. Nice. Nice job reporter. Earl Charles Spencer is a South african-born English. Businessman. He currently serves as chairman for the South African retailer. I can't even say that frostini fashi knee. Yeah. Yeah Spencer isn't the only real connected family member to get engaged in the past few months Kate Middleton's younger brother James recently announced his engagement to longtime girlfriend. Elysée elysée elysée. Probably Elysee. Anyways, they're super cute. I saw their picture. I'm amazed. Yeah. Yeah, so massive discrepancy in ages there. I'm a little yes, I am judging your like. I'm just gonna commit to this. I'm fucking judging. I don't care. I don't care. You know what my parents were ten years apart. I'm totally cool with that. You know I can even Maybe get behind 20 years apart for sure. Yeah. Okay. Okay, but this is ridiculous. How many years is this 30? That's a whole adult that's a whole adult. Like straight out of the vagina born grown-up has a house adults and Got Married Too Young got divorced has two kids am an adult. What the fuck? Okay. I'm just you know what everyone can shit on me if they want. I don't care if this I don't kill us. I'm going to say one thing. I don't think she's marrying for money. Right? Probably bling bling bling bling probably not. Oh, I may be rich but then there's this guy rich and Lee. I want to be back Irish. She's Princess Di's nice and she's a model. Yeah, of course. She's not marrying for money. He'll well, that's why point so she must really like the guy well, good luck to them. Yes, and please come to our group because I really need to know what everyone's thinking about this. Especially our friends over there. I want to know what y'all think about. But the Megan and Harry announcement, I'm uh, I'm clapping for them. Yeah, I think that's amazing that they're doing their own thing good for them. Okay, but they're not I mean, they're kind of like keeping their toes in the in the water and the Royal real pool how so what do they do? Well, no because they're like, they're like, we're not going to do that anymore. We're going to move out on her own and become financially stable. They're going to work towards becoming financially stable. So what after they take all the Royal money to buy their houses and everything. Look at you digging deep into the Earth. I'm not judging on this at all. I'm just curious how you still what do you mean you work towards become financially independent. I mean here he has to find a job and there's not a ton on his resume right now. He does he was I know Soldier was a soldier but I mean other than being you know the soldier. He's like you imagine you get just this job interview, you know, you're like on office manager in Toronto and gives I'm Prince Harry. I'm Chris. Yes, but Harry, can you work a photocopier? We get jams a lot. I'm Prince Harry. I would like to know if he knows how to make a grilled cheese sandwich. That's all oh or coffee. Yeah, because I bet the man's never made a coffee in his life. Like a good old-fashioned pot of coffee serious. I'm curious just how pampered the royal family is. And this is all to say I really actually like Harry quite a bit. I do too. Oh my gosh. Yes, I tease them. I think they're great. And I know people shitting on her saying that she's estranged from her family. So now she's trying to make him a strange house only. Give me if I don't think that has anything to do with owl. I'm just I'm genuinely curious what exactly they're doing and What you know the consensus is over there the concern that I read was that apparently because now this is where it gets interesting because they're looking at moving to BC in Canada. Yes, because they are ipps which is internationally protected persons. Yes. We as a government are Canadian government is obligated by law to protect them with private security services and that apparently that could cost our taxpayers a lot of money so I would say That I'm not okay with that. Well, I don't think a lot of people would be that and then I want them to die or anything. Like if it's a week visit cool will roll out the red carpet for you will give us some extra cops. You know, here you go. So I wonder how much it cost them because they stayed here for six weeks over Christmas. Interesting. Now, here's the thing if that could be subsidized by a private payment from the couple great. Yes. That's our hair that I would say wrote like do attacks do it like a royalty living tax be like if you want to live here you have to pay for your privacy 30, isn't that that's like till I think they do that. Yeah. Yeah. That's the way it should be Lisa for prime minister. I mean, I think you're going to get shit on for saying that but for Lisa for prime minister, no. For saying that they should have to pay for their own security. Oh great know if they if they're here for a long period of time, of course, they should I mean that's just common sense. Yeah. Why should that fall to taxpayers? I don't think Harry would do that. I think he'd be like, oh shit. I didn't know where that came from. Does anybody live? Let me get he was a soldier. He's like fuck that shit. I got this. I'm gonna karate chop y'all. Here's a 20 hope that helps. All right, so why don't we why don't we jump into our fight Tibbits fucking bug is Lush advice corner? Yes, alright. So we have an email from a listener. She needs our help. So let's figure it out with her. Okay, SOS photography question emergency. And if there's anything were qualified to deal with its photography question emergencies, and they don't if they don't they don't come up a lot in life, but when they do come up just I got this we got this we're here for you. Oh my gosh, Rebecca and Lisa. I need your advice as professional photographers. Love the photographer. I hired for our wedding, but I really hate the way my engagement photos turned out that stuff. We never hear this never right never being sarcastic just to just from our own clients know FYI, not from Mars, but from other is this a lot in groups. Yeah. I think the photographer is nice fun-loving and we have a lot in common. We would be friends if we lived in the same area of the world and I like how this photographer edit some Not all of his / her photos but talked through in advance my preferences upon hiring. Okay, so it's like, you know, she's set she said expectations the photos are okay, but I do not feel pretty in fact, I'm sober but look drunk in the pictures that we took inside before going out on the street because all of the shots have me mid blink or looking super puzzled waiting for him to Give me a cue of what to do tilt my head smile. No smile, etcetera. These are the ones that were supposed to be posed and my fiance and I had told the photographer upon booking. We were interested in being helped with posing everybody as man a lot as we were just awkward people. We reminded the photographer at the start of the session. So that's good. The only ones that look good our action shots where we are laughing because then at least the face may be scrunched, but it's happy. Hmm. Now I do not know what to do. I like this photographer so much and I don't want to hurt feelings with small editorial tweaks, maybe using a burst feature and a lot more help posing help. They would be really good. Do I try to coach or do I hire someone new? And how do I Approach it. So it's best for everyone. Thank you in advance for your advice. Love a Super Fan who wants to be anonymous out of respect for the amazing photographer as a human and artist if you read this on your podcast PSI have been photographed professionally a lot with my work and this is the first time where I've not felt good looking at the images. I'm not judging the photography and any of the challenging situations where we were mid-action or blaming the photographer for Some of my personal insecurities it is truly the lack of posing help and editing style. Well, first of all Road and first of all props to you for knob for realizing that a lot of people made don't not like their photos because of their own insecurities, I would say that is something we see probably more often than not when you say Rebecca. Yeah. I'm glad you said that because a lot of the times when you're in photography groups in that the number one thing that comes up when photography After saying my clients didn't like their photos, it's generally the consensus is maybe they don't feel good about themselves. Yeah, right. So that's always the first thing we think of is well, how do you generally feel about yourself? Like are you very insecure and yeah, you know because there's only so much we can do but yeah, there are ways to make everyone feel confident and beautiful in front of the camera. But at at that rate, there's only so much we can do and I mean you would be surprised at some of the people who are feeling insecure. I had this one client who was absolutely stunning, you know, and and and you she had a beautiful body and everything is she was very concerned about her tummy or you know, things like that. So and it's not anything that like, you know, your next-door neighbor would ever even point out or notice and these are things that that's totally common to happen to people. This is you know, I don't know if it was body dysmorphia for it was just insecurity or whatever but my point is we all have our Hang-Ups we Have our concerns but I don't think that's what's at play here. So how do we tackle this issue? It sounds to me like the photographer is more of the style of let it happen and flow like Rebecca is I'm more Posey. Yeah, so it sounds like a mismatch of style to the client preference. Yep, first and foremost, unfortunately. Lee my gut reaction here is that you're not you're not well suited to the style of this photographer and you need someone that's more like me than Rebecca because Rebecca's more like like to give you an idea Rebecca just because we're very different photographers. This is actually kind of cool because we can kind of compare our methods so Rebecca if you had a client and an engagement session like give an example of how you might shoot a sequence. My my engagement sessions are very much. I will direct them what I want them to do and then have them do it. But that said if I didn't kind of thing more often thing I shoot is basically it is fairly interactive as in I like a lot of movement because I'm looking for that natural flow and I'm not looking to make my photos are perfectly imperfect basically. So I like that my photos are that way that's just my style. So I'm not going to put your hand in the perfect position. I'm not going to direct every part of you and but that's the way I shoot and my clients like that and I like that so fair though. I think there's a balance because it sounds to me like maybe the photographer is not quite as polished as they could be as far as making sure they're not mid blink. And things that are common sense so I fan that's a red flag. That's my flag for me too. Because I think you Rebecca as much as you are more of that flow based photography. You still wouldn't pick a photo where the client had their eyes half closed. Oh fuck. No. Do you know saying they were if they were in a full-on belly laugh. Yes, but if there is not then that otherwise no definitely don't ya and then I to give a you know, a different perspective the way I generally shoot and Rebecca can attest to this. Because she's helped me out many times because I'm more of a she doesn't typically shoot with an assistant and I do see because my style I utilize lot of reflector work. I you know, very particular with posing. I will put your hand on their face and I will bend your pinky and I will have you cut their face and then I will make you react in the pose. So you still get that natural moment, but you are perfectly posed your turned right to the right light. You're doing all this. It's just the way I prefer to My Moment versus the way Rebecca prefers to catch her moment I still do movement stuff but I do a combination of that post that careful posed work especially with dark light nighttime stuff which is more my cup of tea than Rebecca's and it's more Akin like with nighttime stuff you have to be highly posed and carefully lit or else it doesn't work you can't photograph a person at night walking through a field or something just doesn't work. No because there's not lights and there's you have to light people very carefully. It's like I'm talking spotlighting to a within an inch. Yeah makes the photo or breaks the photo. So I guess what I'm saying is what's most important to you. Let's make a list. Let's make a list. Here's your challenge. You make a list you say what's most important to us. Is it the post photos the traditional portraits because there is nothing wrong with loving beautiful traditional pose portraiture which in in you know in Context I'd also like to say photographers like Rebecca do those two. Oh God. Yes, just because mint we're talking more of flowy stuff on engagement sessions this more artistic on the wedding day not everybody though. So you have to be clear with your photographer, but I'd say 90 to 95% or more do the traditional posed portraits that are expected of family and friends and things like that. You kind of have to do it all. Well you should you should do it all in my opinion better cover your bases. I think there's great value. In family portraits that are beautifully lit and post but that being said I can't speak for everyone. So ask your photographer say will you do posing as well as those beautiful movement based photos that you do? So I think the communication of what you're going to be getting from your photographers incredibly important. It sounds like you already talked about editing preferences, which is great. It's super important to do beforehand. - but here's the tricky thing is is that I feel like maybe this photographer was booked solely on the relationship that they had, you know, the initial feeling and the personal that they love them. They could be sued being friends with them, which is totally awesome. It's important to to have that was so important, but you can't you need both. It's only part A you need Part B to yeah, you need both and if you don't have both and I know you said should you No, no, no, no. No. No you cannot it's like trying to teach me to shoot like Lisa. I can't I can't to save my life. I do traditional portraits on wedding days and stuff like that for sure, but I'm not ever going to bring it down. It's not in my nature to bring it down to the degree. Lisa does I can't do it. I can't bring myself to look at every inch of you to make sure it's perfect. Like I don't I do see things. I see details my clients tell me all the time that I noticed so many details. Tails I do but I'm not going to stop and take the time to make it perfect. I won't yeah, it's just my style. Yeah. I'm too much after what's going on. What's happening in the moment to do that totally. So I think what would be really helpful is if she can make a list and say what is it that I really want on my wedding day and make a comparative list and say what is it that we really loved about this photographer? Yes, and what are our concerns and then see if what we really loved it weighs York. Cern's but it sounds to me like you may need to find another photographer. Yeah, I hate to say it. But I do too. I hate I hate telling people to do that honestly because I feel like you know, they kind of went with your gut reaction but middling stuff really throws me. Oh, I don't like that. I'm sorry. Whoever's handing out photos the mid blank you I don't know what you're doing. Stop. Stop right now. Stop it right now. Seriously, there's no there's no this is the problem with for Geography it's not governed. There's no there's no one telling people that this is a probe versus this is a pro that doesn't exist in our industry know so, you know what people need to realize to look through a full gallery and to not their wedding gallery on their website look through goddamn wedding. Yeah and full one look at the and look at the stuff. Like how did they do? How do they do those traditional posed portraits are people mid blinked they take enough to care. Did they take enough time to move the this is the crap that With her a used to deal with yeah, you know, did they take time to move the half empty wine glass in the background. These are things that I do that I don't know the other photographers do yeah, so just you know, be careful. Yeah, that's unfortunate. I'm sorry you're going so sorry. You're going through that unfortunately sucks. I'm so sorry, but that's hard Vice. I hope it helps. Yeah, I think you need to make your list make your educated decision, but I would be leaning heavily towards looking for someone else. This point and just saying, you know, you don't think oh and how do you fire a photographer in case because we've kind of led her to that? Yeah. Good luck with all that by let us know how it goes. I would say she should look at her contract too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, but you what it says in there if you because if you do decide to go with another photographer, you will be probably losing your deposit and things like that. But you know, your memories are once right so Depends on if it's worth it to you. And if it is don't fire them before you look at the contract and realize that you're screwed and you have to stay with them because that would make it awful 10 times awful. Yes, don't you shouldn't have to but I don't know how far away your wedding us. Mmm. So just be careful. You might be on the hook look at your contract. And then if you decide, nope, it's a thing we got to do then just be honest with them and I don't know if they should I mean email is Because it kind of gives the photographer a time to react and process but please be very clear about all the positives about them and just say I just think it wasn't be kind and just say I think it was my mistake that I you know be kind just say I even if it's not just say I think it was my error that I went in a direction stylistically that my wasn't true to me and Brian. Oh, yeah, I would soften the blow be like no, really. I don't think I did. And you know, I give it to me straight to release someone wants to fire me. Give it to me straight baby. I don't care. I I you know, why don't you because I actually give a shit about my clients all I know. Okay, they know I do. So if they wanted to fire me, I would want to know they weren't happy with their photos because I do actually takes it personally I do I do but you know he's but you know, it's scary, but I've never been fired Malcolm. What if they're like, oh my God, I promise I won't do that on the wedding day then what do you do? What do you mean if they're like, oh, I didn't realize yeah, what if they're like, oh I gave you mid blinks. I promise I won't do that. Please don't fire me. I don't know if Ryan Carver that would be like that so much she likes him. So it's like if he says that now she's in this awkward. My point is just he's not going to say that photography. Do you know would say that a lot? You know, what no, come on. They're also fucking cocky that there's no way not everybody. Listen, you need to know something a lot of photographers. We do have a little bit of arrogance. Oh for sure a lot do we do so when someone you know is not happy with their photos were kind of like what the fuck no, but a lot I would say a lot more have a lot more. What do you call it? Insecurity? Yeah. I see a lot more coming to the group's being like Oh my God. I'm so upset. I don't know. I'm terrible. Tell me I'm not so terrible. Yes, but when their client comes to They're very much blame client blink. They blame clients the I don't have small percentage. I don't know not anymore a back in the day. Yes, I would have said I would have agreed with you five years ago. Now I don't I so when those groups too much. I see too much of it to be fair. I've dropped out of those groups, right? Yes while so Rebecca might have a more of a pulse on it than I do is all well, but let's just be like not that we're cock. There are Very cocky photographers for so but yeah, a lot of them. We do have a little bit because it's art right. It's our chess Cove. Yeah, so we're very emotionally tired of it. So tied to it, right? So when someone says they don't like it, we're kind of like what the fuck we take it like you're insulting artistic abilities. And that's yeah. I know it's not necessarily what you're doing, but no, it's just calm it's just how we are. It's just how artists are wired, but I just think Can we agree? It's a mix. It's a mixture of insecurity and getting defensive. So my that's kind of my point is like would it be better to make a clean break? Yeah, but oh, I totally agree. I don't think you should be working with this photographer because I don't think it's a good fit. Not that the photographer's bad. I don't think it's a good fit. I decided they're delivering photos with half-closed eyes on him out of yes for sure. That's for sure judging I'm judging but you know yourself that you've met clients that aren't a good fit and I have to and I've been like I cannot work with them. I can't I know I shouldn't work with them and I've told clients not clients possible clients. I've said, I don't think I'm a good fit for you. I don't I just say I'm booked because that is an invitation to be like see I'm honest. Yeah, but it makes them feel bad. No, and I explain it though, but I do explain it. I said I don't think I'm a good fit for you because I don't think the style you want is something I can give you your diplomatic. It took one it took one session Lisa. It took one session in one wedding for me to realize I can't take people when I know right off the bat. I'm not going to be they're not going to be happy with what I give them. Oh, I agree and I never did I just gave different reasoning who's just like I'm avoiding this. This like the plague I am walking this direction. Good luck with everything. Yeah, they seem to be high maintenance. I would not refer them to other people. Yeah, you know, but good luck. Really really really I wouldn't I saw it because they're all my friends. So I didn't if anybody's set off red flags where I was like, fuck I start Lisa run. Oh shit. Sorry. Okay, there was no red flags at the time. I sleep where to God. You didn't know her. I've totally teasing you as a little bit back. History listener this whole podcast started because Rebecca shot a wedding with me as she went to the house of a mother of the groom and it was a complete mess and I was like, I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was going to be a mess. And yeah. Anywho funny so funny. I'm totally teasing you. I know I know you are honey, but I hope I hope that helps helpful. I know it was a bit of a discussion, but I hope it was helpful, maybe to anybody who's going. Through a little bit of unsure, you know mrs. That's not a word. Yeah, you know just insecurities about your photographer. I would say yeah consider those things ask yourself those questions make those lists the make look at your contract and then make an educated decision and be kind in your correspondence because I'm sure that photographer did their best and please let us know what you did and like what what the follow up is because I'm sure our listeners would be super that I want to know I want to know. No, no, Xena. Screw delicious. I want to know let us know what happens. Okay, and thank you so much for listening. And we wish you all the very best in your planning when it comes to beauty products. We have so many choices. So why not? Ask for more from your favorite Brands? I'm motivated now more than ever to stick with high quality amazing products that are both vegan and cruelty-free. That's why I'm so glad I discovered Thrive Cosmetics Thrive Cosmetics products provide amazing coverage highlight your best features and are created for long-lasting wear all of Thrive Cosmetics Clinic. We proven ingredients are free of parabens and sulfates. I absolutely loved there overnight sensation brightening sleep mask. I'm head over heels in love with the mascara. It made my lashes so long and beautiful. I looked hot AF just saying for every product purchase Thrive Cosmetics donates to help women who are in need of Thrive those causes include emerging from homelessness surviving domestic abuse and fighting cancer leaping Bunny and Pete up of certified through of Cosmetics as completely vegan and cruelty-free start. Driving and help women in need today by going to thrive Cosmetics.com Secret Life enter code secret life for 15 percent off your first purchase. That's th R IV caus eme T IC s.com secret life and enter code secret life for 15% off. All right, we have a listener story. Awesome. Hello. Ladies new listener here. You can call me. I want to say ozma. Oh, is that Ma? Yep ozma awesome. Yeah. I'm in my late 20s and live in the lower Midwest of the defunct. Yeah u.s. We're not saying that the listener is just saying. Oh my God, I'm a bright solicitor. And I'm so glad I found you being an unabashed sailor mouth myself. I can't help but feel a true kinship with you both when talking to my fiance. I referred to you as my crazy awesome Canadian ladies. I've been on a binge starting with the original episodes. I've pondered long and hard on what to share but I've found that there's quite a bit boy. Oh boy. Do I have a treasure Trove of stories for you? I'm sending this letter about weddings first and we'll follow it up with another about dating all names have been changed exchanged for insulting yet accurate nicknames or omitted altogether. Oh, I like it. Feel free to use what you want or to break it up if need be Oh my best so she had sent us lizard lady from last week. I love lizards lie right now. Yeah. Yeah. So now we have another one is called titled the best man a few years ago my best friend Mary and her boyfriend David also my close friend got engaged after several years of dating. I was extremely excited to start helping her plan everything when she called and proceeded to tell me that my ex-boyfriend fuckface. McGee would be the best man freeze rewind I was with my ex-boyfriend for almost five years and met David through him and subsequently. Marry. My ex-boyfriend was an undiagnosed schizophrenic who refused to get treatment and turned out to be self-medicating behind my back for years by taking a cornucopia of recreational drugs and blacking out at parties. Oh my God, Jake's in the years. We were together. He managed to lose two jobs trash a car a moped and squander the things I was setting aside for us to move. It was not a pretty ending. I basically gave him an ultimatum told him it was me or the drugs and without pause. He chose the drugs besides following me when I moved for school and propositioning me on multiple occasions. There are unspeakable things. He did after the break up that are not even safe for this podcast. So I'll just leave that there though. They're in the bar is really low. So, right There is one unbelievably fucked up story. I can share that has nothing to do with me. I'll send that later. Oh boy Hmm. This was the guy who destroyed my faith in people. It took me years to recover from the damage of our relationship. Needless to say, I was shocked and devastated to hear that he would be in the wedding. Apparently David and fuckface McGee had rekindled their friendship over the past year and it had somehow washed away the fact that he was a garbage person. Oh Joyce. Is stay and if that wasn't enough bad news, I would not be maid of honor as that honor had been promised years ago to a childhood friend. I felt completely and utterly betrayed but I held my tongue and sucked it up because I love Mary more than my own flesh and blood would that be better though? Because then you wouldn't be paired with him for different. Yeah in the following months. I helped Mary plan her wedding long distance as she lived at the time in a very remote part. Of the country. I answered every phone call read every email and helped her make decisions about every detail down to the napkin rings. Wow, you're a good friend as the artistic friend. I was in charge of the centerpieces and head table Decor which would be original art pieces made painstakingly by hand. Wow. I was given a budget of $25 per table and fifty dollars for the head table for all the supplies and materials. I would need given the challenge. Each of time energy and skill. I went over budget on a few items and covered the cost of myself. No one else that I know of helped with any DIY projects leading up to the wedding besides the wedding party hanging up lanterns and lights the day before I drove approximately nine hours to the location of the wedding a large rustic property owned by the groom's family with my at the time boyfriend. I took my only week of vacation to be there early to help a didn't take too long for me to realize Is that the wedding was a disorganized disaster? Nothing else had been finished or set up beforehand some Decor hadn't even been purchased yet. Oh, no boy really pissed the deadlines. Your people fuckface McGee eventually showed up new girlfriend in tow. He proceeded to make underhanded comments at my expense every chance. He got or pretended. I didn't exist at all. He even went so far as to slap and grab his girlfriend's ass every time I I was behind them the gruesome twosome went outside the family house every hour to vape right in front of the only way in or out so I couldn't come or go without having to brace myself. It was like reliving a nightmare. He was in charge of planning David's bachelor party, which he never bothered to David didn't know this until the day it was supposed to happen and it completely fell through my boyfriend at the time who had become good friends with David was not invited to the bachelor party and non-existent one. On the other hand fuckface McGee's new girlfriend was included in everything including the bachelorette party. My birthday was the middle of that week. There was no celebration. No gifts or acknowledgement of any kind not even from my boyfriend besides a half baked cake that Mary made me out of pity at the end of the night as a gift to myself for the bullshit week. I was having and most likely would continue to have I traveled one hour out of town to a tattoo parlor and got a tattoo. I had been wanting. Oh, wow, cool while I was driving back everyone decided to start the bachelorette party three hours early without me. Oh boy upon showing up. I was treated like the bad bridesmaid who didn't care about Mary's big day and spent the night dodging. The new girlfriend's snake-like stairs the night before the wedding. One of the centerpieces was broken as it was carried and I spent the night doing damage control while everyone went swimming. Later that night maid of honor and a bridesmaid mercilessly hounded me about whether or not the piece would be ready on time as it needed to be moved to the reception hall. I spent the night locked in my hotel room covered in tears and hot glue. I almost drove home on the big day. Fuckface McGee was so determined to sneak one last cigarette in beforehand that he managed to drop the Rings out of his pocket into the nearby Tall Grass over. He thinks all the girls spent a frantic 15 20 minutes on their hands and knees on the wet ground trying to find it which we did before Mary showed up and found out they were missing. He didn't help look because he would get his suit dirty yikes the wrong music played when Mary came down the aisle and the officiant said the wrong names Bravo yet again fuckface McGee slapped. His girlfriend's ass extra hard just for me and all the elderly family members as we walked. Away from the ceremony trash trash trash when we arrived at the reception. I set my things down on a table near the front and chatted with a mutual friend of David's who was sitting there as I was walking away fuckface McGee sauntered over to him and asked who was sitting there pointing at my clutch hearing my name. He immediately laughs sarcastically making a face like he smelled shit and raised his voice loud enough to fill the hall. Yeah. I'm not sitting here. He proceeded to make a big show of choosing a table as far away from the wedding party as possible. What the fuck girl you made a mistake. You should go get him back. He sounds like a real catch fuck the evening went as well. As you could expect given the pattern. It was a dry wedding as Mary and David don't drink so more than half of the guests who drove from out-of-state left before dinner was served. Yay, when you just need alcohol to get through that family wedding. Yeah fuckface McGee was in charge of the music which was run off of a laptop. He hadn't prepared anything and the night was filled with pauses of silence or blips of the wrong music when it came to speeches. I was terrified. I already deal with stage fright and my nerves were shot at that point. I still got up shaking and gave my speech about how much Mary and David meant to Me and who they were as people it went great. Everyone laughed at the right parts and Mary's Dad cried. I felt really good for the first time all week. Fuckface. McGee was up after me, but when he walked up he started to read off of a crumpled piece of paper and halfway into his third sentence said fuck it toss the paper behind him David and Mary we all know him and love them. Congratulations and walked off I felt awful. David a merry that he made a scene like that but I couldn't help but feel after everything he had put me through slightly satisfied knowing that he knew his speech couldn't compare. I had stolen his moment in the sun each shit fuck face McGee in the end David and Mary were very happy and relieved after everything was said and done. They had a beautiful first dance. The food was delicious and everyone loved the centerpieces. I spent the last two days of my vacation. In a coma and on the night our drive home coming to terms with the fact that yes that did in fact just happened promised myself that I would never put myself through anything like that ever again That's all folks for now. Oh great story. Well damn screw fuckface. I don't like him. Yeah, not not a fan not a fan. He should get help for his schizophrenia. Just get help for a lot of things I think and don't worry though. Front will last long. No, well Lisa. There's someone for everybody, you know, yeah even weird weird weird people like him and big thank you to our patreon members are new newbies this week our Emily G Abigail W and Jillian K. They went to patreon.com slash secret life of weddings to get more more episodes more drama. Thank you so much for your support guys. First 10 episodes are free. Hit it up. Patreon.com slash see Kurt life of weddings Next up. We have a listener story. Hi, Lisa and Rebecca. I came across your podcast while wedding planning last year and both my now husband and I really enjoyed listening to it together. I love that so much when couples do that. That's so cool. It gave us the break we needed. That is the crazy that is wedding planning. We've now been happily married for almost eight months. Congratulations. Our wedding went off pretty much without a hitch except for one thing that still bugs me to this day the nightmare. That was our reception caterer pool before I start you should know that I am a Sri Lankan descent and we had a Hindu ceremony the Hindu ceremony is very long and usually takes up a whole day with all the traditions and things that happen before and after the ceremony. So my husband and I opted to have the reception the following day so that we weren't cramming everything into one exhausting day. We were I'm actually shot a lot of wedding Hindu weddings and yet a lot of them actually do that. Yeah, and it sounds smart because it is smart because it's exhausting for the couple. Yeah, we were on a tight budget, but we are big on food and we wanted to make sure the food at our reception would be something that was very different from the traditional food at our wedding and memorable. So Fusion food. That was a cross between traditional Sri Lankan / Indian food and western food. That sounds pretty cool. We're a pretty I'd be like butter chicken / chicken fingers done. We're pretty easy. Going couple when it comes to planning and in sweat the details, but we both really wanted to make sure that the late-night food was something we could all look forward to and that our guests would enjoy fast forward two months prior to our wedding and we still hadn't found our caterer for the reception. This was the only thing we were being picky about and yes, we know we fucked up big we had come across a caterer will call him Joe because I'm a nice person and I don't want to ruin anyone's life despite. It all the hate and the stain I have for this guy at one of our friends weddings. We met him and decided that maybe we should go with them. He was quick to respond to our e-mail and we had a meeting set up within the week. He was enthusiastic and had a lot of ideas for our reception menu. He struck me as a little odd because it felt like he was imposing his ideas on us rather than listening to what we wanted. But since my husband and I are pretty easygoing. I chalked it up to Jose enthusiasm for his craft and let Him do his thing we also discovered that he had gone to University with my husband sister and brother-in-law in knew her. Well the hell boy. What does that mean? He I can make guesses. He come on. Yeah, he then told us not to tell sister that he would be our caterer so that we could quote surprise them when he saw them at the reception. Also struck me as a nod and stupid requests and in retrospect. These were all red flags, but I was busy trying to put together a wedding. I didn't pay too much attention to it after our meeting was over. He asked for a ride back to his house. And so we dropped him off since our wedding we had been in touch with him to try and arrange a meeting at the venue and iron out all the details. He had told my husband he would meet us on Friday and a Friday didn't work out. He could meet us on Sunday it Is a few days before Friday and we heard nothing from him. We followed up a few times and nothing Friday came and went and still nothing. We called him several times. And again nothing. We gave him the benefit of the doubt and assume he must be busy with another event and they're so nice and that he would meet us on Sunday, like initially suggested. We called him several times and I mean several on Saturday and Sunday and Nothing, we were now starting to get worried since our wedding was less than two months away. And we had already put down a deposit of $4,000. That sucks. Oh no a week went by and during that week. I was incessantly calling him several times a day in hopes that he would call me back. I texted emailed and messaged him on Facebook and still nothing. I even tried to track him down via our friend and still no. No luck. Although she told us that he's been known to be hard to get a hold of information. We could have used prior to booking him our photographer even tried to use his contacts to track down a different number for him. And he was unsuccessful sidenote. Our photographer was a godsend and kept us saying we love him. My husband was on the verge of knocking down his front door since he thought he could remember where he lived from having dropped him off that one day. Anyways, now I was stressed Furious and very worried after almost a week. I happen to use my work phone to try and call them again and miraculously he answered. Whoo. Now my work phone shows up as a private number. So I assumed he must have answered without knowing it was me it completely explained that he had been sick. Yeah and had his phone taken away by his assistant. Yeah again, Myself being the naively generous and nice person that I am didn't rip into him. Like I would have liked while you so should have instead I asked how he was feeling and then politely explained that we had been getting worried and we really needed to know whether he could carry through with that being our caterer. He told me that he could and he would call me back in a few minutes. We didn't hear from him for two more days. Oh my God. Fire his ass when he finally called back. We set up a meeting to visit the venue and make sure he had the equipment he needed and that we were all on the same page the venue made it clear that they would assist him, but they would not touch the food for liability reasons. It is now the day of our reception and he is late. I mean, he made it just in time for people to arrive, but it was cutting it close for me. My husband and I barely got to The appetizers and food, but I heard from my guest that the food was pretty good. It was nearing 11 p.m. And he came up to me to let me know he would be leaving soon side note we opted for a buffet because big fat Sri Lankan wedding and we had about 225 people there. My Spidey senses were tingling a little late for my Spidey senses to be tingling and I asked him whether all the food and dessert had been put out. He said everything was fine and is taken care of and assured me. I had nothing to worry about we thanked him and continue to enjoy our night. It was around 2:00 a.m. That one of my bridesmaids pointed out to me that our late-night food had never gone out. I was drunk out of my mind and noted that little detail to deal with later two days after the reception. I called Joe to find out what happened with the late-night food. He told me that he had prepared everything and left it in the fridge and had informed the on-site venue rapped at the food should go out according to Joe the on-site venue rub had Greed. I'm no caterer, but I would think that as a caterer it's your responsibility to make sure all the food is prepared and served before you leave the event not leave it in the hands of other vendors 100% Yes. Oh that's gross. I then called The Venue to get their side of the story according to them Joe had not spoken to them at all. And they knew nothing about the so-called late-night food in the fridge and besides their policy is that they do not touch the The food so there was no way they would have even agreed to putting out the food for the caterer. Even if he'd asked them to do this. They did however find some food wrapped up in the fridge the following morning, but they didn't bother to open or touch it because again, it's their policy and feared liability. They then proceeded to tell me that Joe was seen behind the bar with a bottle of wine in hand and was apparently drunk the most of the night. Wow. This guy is like next-level. crappy vendor We had also spoken with the husband's sister who then told us. She wished we had come to her before booking him because she knew him well enough in the university and know that he was a giant sketchball and that we should have never gone with him in the first place. I then called back the caterer and tried to confront him with the details. I had received from the venue and he denied all allegations and said that he was very sorry and to give him a couple days. So that he can call the venue directly in deal with than himself. Of course. We never heard from him again last I heard he went bankrupt, but I couldn't care less as much as this story stings. We were surrounded by everyone that we loved and it sounded like everyone had such a great time that they didn't even notice. The late-night food was missing as cliche as it sounds our wedding day really was the happiest day of my life, and I would do it all over again. Maybe just with a better caterer. You guys are amazing. Thank Thanks for all of the last ramps and advice. Love you guys Priya. Oh, God bless you for telling me how to pronounce your name. Oh, sweetheart. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm so sorry. That's so unacceptable. That's sucks. Yeah, but I'm so glad you had such a good wedding despite that shit bag. Like you're very surrounded by happy loving people and that's all we can we can wish for you. I would just like to say right here to I have a had a Sri Lankan. People that were two of my favorite people in the world. They were their family everybody. It was just the most loving beautiful group of people one of the most amazing weddings I've ever done and I just just big love out to my Sri Lankan folks that are out there because I'm a big fan of y'all like just big fan of Sri Lankan weddings. So yeah. Yeah, very cool very full of love. And yeah, thank you so much for writing us. But if you guys have any or he's like that if you have seen something that you're like, oh my God, these girls need to hear my story now send it to us secret life of weddings at gmail.com. And the email will come to Rebecca. I will see the subject title and not open it and or if it's really intriguing I might open it but Rebecca will actually read it and maybe even put in an episode. I guess secret life of weddings at gmail.com. If you want to send us your story all Let's finish up our stories this week with some double D action dating and divorce. If you don't know a double d stand for or big ol boobs if you just like boobs. Hello. Ladies ozma again. Hey ozma, here's my first installment of dating stories that I have for you. I didn't have to wait as long as I thought to hear me. Just great as before feel free to use what you want or break it up if need be all my best ozma creepy Benny. I love her. She's names these These are Are so funny creepy Benny in the toxic aftermath of my near five-year relationship. I had a hard time approaching the dating world. Now, I'm assuming she means the five-year relationship to flexpays McGee from earlier in the episode of this is like a continuation. I love it. I was not using dating apps or letting anyone set me up. I was just floating in a haze of post-breakup fog when I had an unexpected. Pleasant interaction with a young man. I met on college campus. I felt apprehensive about accepting his offer of a date but I rolled the dice. Anyway, let's call this guy creepy. Benny Betty was very sweet. Very very sweet making his affection for me crystal clear from the get-go, which immediately put me on edge given we didn't know each other at all. He was a gentleman in the respect that he insisted upon picking me up. Been paying for everything during her date unnecessary, but nice he was painfully old-fashioned in the sense that he adamantly insisted that he meet my father before we went on said date what she did to my dad's immense confusion and amusement your dad sounds funny. You see Betty came from a very traditional catholic family who emigrated from Mexico over the course of two days Benny showed. A beloved photo of his mother an unnaturally well endowed and perky woman in a skin-tight leopard top and miniskirt with bouffant hair that touch the ceiling at least a dozen times called that's weird. He also revealed that his family who were well established and successful business owners in the area used to run a drug cartel. Oh shit, very cool. She had all the drugs in her hair I bet. He explained this while showing me half of a rip picture of him as a little boy in front of a tiny house on the other side. According to him had been a massive pile of marijuana. Okay? I didn't know what to do with that information. I don't think I do either don't get me wrong. The dates were fun. We went downtown and bar hopped and caught some awesome live music. We got a shout out from the band for our first and second dates, which only seemed to ingrain the idea and Benny's. Add that we were meant to be from the start Benny was far too comfortable touching me as if we had been dating for months at first. It was just an awkwardly long first hug. Oh the ones that go on Just a Touch too long and Rebecca's like that happen all of those that happens if you hug me at all. Yes, exactly. Oh God at first it was just an awkwardly long first hug, then always holding my hand to Sliding his hand around my waist in a few attempts to slide. Lower you I reacted when he went for a grab and looked at him like hey, what you trying to do there? And he just smiled coyly like a child who had been caught he was 2 years or so younger than me, but I didn't think it was that much of a difference but it was all the difference in the world. This guy had never really been in love with someone and I was freshly out of a long-term relationship. This sounds like a match made him have it in my Right, I wasn't ready for the intensity. He was giving me he was so infatuated so quickly that I went from cautiously optimistic too scared shitless. It's amazing how short her wrote it is from one of the other isn't it? There's a dead body in his freezer. Oh God. Do you know I've never seen that movie. But what's it called? The one you just referenced what? Yeah. What's it called basic in Fatal Attraction? No Fatal Attraction isn't Fatal Attraction that one I don't fucking know. I don't remember. I've seen them. See I know the reference. I know pop culture I get it. I know I know about you not seen that I haven't seen I don't know. I don't know. I just never never cross paths with it. I know it's on my to-do list at the end of the second day Benny expressed to me that he wanted me to meet his family and how he could picture marrying me. Oh my God, run run run. He ended this proposal by Ending his shirt if you and placing my hand on his sweaty bare chest who over his scar from heart surgery. He had as a child still if you don't care he told what in any other circumstance would be a touching story about how he almost died his little boy blending the story into a metaphor for saving his heart for me. It was gross. I think that's gross. I was in complete and utter shock grasping in my head for a way to to get out of this increasingly uncomfortable situation. He was my ride home. He just sat there in abrupt silence for a long moment with my hand held hostage before lunging towards me and mauling me with his overly soft greasy mouth. I pulled away as fast as I could and calmly told him that things were moving too fast and that I thought he was ready for a relationship that I was not before promptly. Running and walking away. I think I spent a long while walking along the river bank until my cousin managed to find me and pick me up. I spent the next month dodging creepy been he's texted please he went to build a bear and made me a bear that I refuse to let him show up with it my house. Oh, that's so creepy. He kept insisting that we could try to be friends and to just come over to my apartment. It'll be fine. It's never fine when someone says that don't ever go people he even went so far as to start using his roommate cell phone to try to call me. I was always polite and empathetic in my explanation of why I didn't want to see him anymore until I finally had to pull the don't contact me again, or I'll have to report you for harassment card. Needless to say, I staved off dating for a while. I moved into a university focused on my grades and honestly considered the idea of celibacy and In cats that dream didn't last as long as it should have unfortunately, but that story is for another time. I can only rehash my disastrous love life so much at once or I get in a bad head space Oh my God. Holy shit. Wow yowza. Yeah, that's crazy. Well, thank you for sending that. Whatever. That was. I was. So gross though, he was so gross. Laughs. Yeah, I think you dodged a fucking bullet their massive massive bullet, although you could have met the woman with the bouffant hair. So, you know, then there's that missed opportunity there. There you go, baby should it she could have hooked you up if you know what I mean? Ha ha ha you never know. Okay guys today. I need to talk to you about COs Theta by Lutron. It's smart lighting control brought to you by Lutron Pioneers in Smart Home Technology. LG a lot of people think you need smart bulbs to get smart lighting but there is a smarter way Casitas smart dimmers and switches replace the switch in your wall making all of the light switch controls act smart think about all the places in your home where a switch controls more than one bulb ceiling lights chandeliers bathroom vanities and more save money by replacing the switches instead of replacing all of those bulbs smart bulbs give you the ability to control your lights with a nap or voice assistant but they sacrifice control from the wall switch Casita gives you the best of both worlds 'The world's smart lighting control from an app or your voice and control at the switch that anyone can use sometimes I just want to push the damn button the best part of my Lutron Casitas which is the fact that I don't have to get my lazy ass off the couch to turn on the lamp in the corner oh my God that's brilliant so get smart lighting the smart way with caseta by Lutron smart switches learn more about Casita at Lutron.com secret life that's Lutron a.com secret life so I have trends Of Trends wait is this to do with your New Year's resolution or not resolution your New Year's predictions from last year. Yes. Okay. So last year I didn't make any predictions you did last year. Nope last year. I read what the predictions what all the bridal sources predictions were for 2019. And we either agreed or disagreed with them interesting. I have no memory of that whatsoever go on. So, do you know what the color of the year? Is this year for 2020 actually? Yes, I do. Isn't it? It's either Coral or blue or something. I can't remember which it is. Classic blue blue. Yeah. Okay. Yes and honestly Lisa, I could have guessed this one. Really. Really. Yeah, if you if anybody even you know paid attention to Instagram or Pinterest you would have seen it creeping in as of last year the end of last year of 2019 started. Begin and showing up everywhere. I'm not as observant as you though when I come has stuff. So I also think you're going to see a lot of Rich velvety Forest Dark Emerald Greens come into play too. So I'm actually going to make predictions this year. These are my prediction. Okay. These are your predictions. Okay. So my predictions are the blue I would have said blue. I wish I would have before it came out. You want to look so smart man. I know right? I'm so slow. Um, but I also think the velvety Forest Dark Emerald Greens are going to be a huge thing this year vale's I think we'll be taking a back seat and to hair pieces in excess threes this year. I think people are going to ditch the veils. I think they're really going to go for more type headpieces and Bradley Clips stuff like that happening for a little while now like it's been I like you think it's going to be more prevalent. Yeah. I think I'm going to take off this year. Yeah. And remember when we were remember when people were knocking the whole curved or circular wedding ceremony set up doing that last year. I even got you know, if I can put it out of Facebook group for saying how beautiful it was. Yeah. I think this will continue to grow and Trends and even overflow into receptions and I think people are going to get very visually artistic end with their setups and Ed of having the traditional Round Table seated for 10 8 to 10 people and the big head table. I think people are going to really start playing with this wouldn't it be so cool imagine for a second, you know the kind of tables they have their like, you know at Hogwarts stuff like super long super long tables wouldn't it be so cool to have everybody around super long tables, but only on one side and then you do it almost like in an octagon around the clock around the client around Around the Dance Floor. Do you know what I mean? And then everything everybody's facing circular into yes, you would need to use more space but nobody would be blocking. Like people wouldn't be on the other side of the table and they would just facing in and then everything would be centered on the dance floor. That would be so cool. Yeah. Yeah, that was actually sober the I think wedding vendors and you know, they spy realistic or people they're really going to step up their game this year and it's going to be very different which I love because it's visually Aegis and I think Tapas I think oh, yeah, they're going to see a lot more of that come into play over meals. I think people are going to ditch the big sit-down dinners and they're going to opt for these very like, you know, like that story very infused type meals mini meals all kinds of different types of food. Yep. I think you'll see that and I alone fucking love that idea. So yeah, I think the whole sit down deals. I think that tradition is just going to To fizzle move its way out. Yeah, I think that's amazing. Those are some awesome predictions for 20-20-20. Well done my dear well done. So we'll follow that will follow up with you in 2021 to see if we see right here 20 21, I hope so. I hope so get your butt over to patreon right now to make sure but yes. No, seriously. I'm just kidding. We'll follow up and see if See what happens, you know quick update on the ghost photo, right? We have heard nothing. We have been trying I swear to God we have been so Rebekah wrote to these people like the people who own the house that the ghost was seen in I did we have heard nothing. I wrote to a local medium nothing someone mentioned that they sent an email about their sister being a medium in nearby us and said we didn't see the email. So if you're listening Here this or I have forgotten because we get a lot of you don't know just put it in the subject like big obvi. I'm sure you did before but just yeah down the shade for us big big capital is just being like medium contact. Yeah. Thanks and I just say I'm not ignoring your emails. Oh no, Miss. I see them everybody. I really do. I just I lack the time. Oh, yeah to really get back to everybody and to remember everything I'm going through. You upwards of you know, 42 a hundred stories every time I write an episode I'm going through stuff. So I don't actually have the brain space to remember everything. Yeah the capacity but let me tell you she'll typically correct me if I'm wrong Rebecca, like if you're going through and you read the story to put it in an episode, you'll typically try to reply to that that person once it's in the episode. I have a whole list of people I still need to reply to sure but it's only you trust me. We've read your story and you haven't heard from me. I promise I'm going to write you back. Yeah. Oh don't worry about your in my cute. You're in my little you're in. My little folder that says email them you in there are a champ you are a champ and we love everything you do and also she gets bombarded on Facebook. So, you know with private messages and stuff which as much as we love your messages try to email it to us at secret life of weddings at gmail.com because I think it helps her keep it all in one spot because I think she forgets to check that out. Yeah our fans and our The Secret Life of weddings messages. They're like, yeah. I cannot remember to always go in there and there's a lot in there and I just it gets hard to keep track of I could only spend so much time. Maybe I do work children can we can hire like an assistant now it right like, oh sure. I mean if we were making thousands of dollars off of this, no problem Lisa, I'm I mean I could dedicate more but no no I do we already put a lot of time into this we should just sit out like, you know get an assistant and then they can do all this stuff and then they can come and like take care of our children and do our laundry and like yeah be super awesome. Like on we love doing this we do right we do we totally do but it's not something that were making like all kinds of money now don't be delusional people. Yeah. It's so we can only spend so much time on it before it's like yeah. Yeah, it's kind of nuts. Yeah, it's nice too. But we do our best. So we assume we hope you're enjoying it and everything and thank you to everyone who's ever supported us financially supported in any way, but especially our patrons. We love you for that every little bit helps more than you can know. So thank you again keeps us going for the Long Haul here. Boohoo. Exactly. But what are we gonna do about this ghost photo? Look I legit like what are our next steps going to be? I feel like we need a plan because I am seriously so excited about it still I We think there's something important here that we need to I've like given up on it. I have not given up on it can't we can't we can't you gotta show this photo. This photo is something else it is so cool. That is so cool. Yeah. So Rebecca will reach out to her client one last time because she's extra careful of being extra kind and hopefully we hear back and can share this because it is still mind-blowing to me. I don't want to forget about it. It is so cool. And we made them a promise that we were going to try our best to To share it. So I want to try to follow through on that. Yeah, you know we haven't forgotten. So that's our little update for for you this week. There we go. All right guys, well, we're going to get onto recording our next patreon episode for the week. So thank you so much for listening to the secret life of weddings podcast always and Rebecca anything can happen at weddings, and we will be here to tell you all about it. Well, that's it for us this week on The Secret Life of weddings podcast if you need more drama in your life go over. Patreon.com slash secret life of weddings to sign up for additional weekly episodes. The first few episodes are free. So go check it out patreon.com slash secret life of weddings, and we will see you here next week.
A listener sends us an S.O.S. email asking for help because she doesn’t like her engagement photos and wants to know if she should look for a different photographer for the wedding day. We hear about a horrible ex-boyfriend-turned-best-man in a listener’s best friend’s wedding! Following these stories is a listener’s experience with a caterer from hell and in Double Ds we hear about a guy called Creepy Benny who is WAYYYYY too into a relationship way too soon and sends up all kinds of red flags. Finally, we hear Rebecca’s popular trend predictions for 2020 weddings! Get 10 FREE additional bonus episodes over on Patreon! Plus early release ad-free main episodes every Monday! Learn more about Caséta at http://Lutron.com/SECRETLIFE 