this episode of Molly's minutes is sponsored by depop depop is the Community Marketplace app where creatives come to buy sell and discover the most unique items from around the world for many of us including myself fashion is a form of expression a way to tell a story of who we are how we are feeling and what we stand for whether you want to shock Inspire Rebel or just experiment depop gives you the space to do just that without breaking the bank or the planet download the app for IOS and Android now or head to depop.com to get started. Sorry, if I swear as I thought no, that's completely are sometimes I sound like a keto go and then sometimes I sound like a little like a old man dying old man. I feel like you have one of the most recognizable voices. Do you think so? Yeah what maybe that's because you've been on TV so I know your voice. Do you know my voice? I feel like I do I feel like if I was and if it was one of those radio shows and it was like his voice is this. I don't know if you have my be able to tell well, he's yeah. That's incredible. Cuz your accent is it what's my voice? I can't do accents. I would like to have you like that girl from Little Mix. Oh my God. I just I had a big day. Yeah. Yeah. What did you guys might actually love her very very funny. Like I that's my favorite video of all time. I'm yeah I show it to quite a lot people and I don't know I'm sad in case it would upset. Her no, I don't think the wouldn't listen. This is quite funny to me and my friends we loved it so much. We genuinely thought it was the funniest thing you've ever seen that we made we made it up that it was a religion. So we told people with a bad leg day was a religion so like whatever we would be like on the tube like my family blah blah like this and some of that what's black day. I would like to religion goes so far it got like quite weird. But yeah, I just Just I don't know that's another weird thing. I'm sorry Joe. I need to introduce this podcast. Yeah, okay. Hello guys. This is going to be like wine. Wednesday's except it's Saturday. Yeah, we're having a glass of wine. Yeah. Currently. I might even have a second. Yeah. I might have a second a fun time. Yeah. I'm having a great time and we can only run for 26 minutes or 25 minutes and then stop and then start again. That's great. Yeah, that's perfect. It makes me space ourselves as are so guys in case you haven't recognized. It's recognizable that voice of all time such like like a blow to my head though. I am with Jess would lie. Hello everyone. Hello. Hello, mate. So just how would you this is like the most the worst question. But like how would you define yourself? Like, what would you want to be introduced as because I feel like people would introduce you before on your behalf. And you'd be like that's wrong oversee. Like, you know without biting the hand that fed me. I did. I wasn't a TV show that has stuck with me and a lot of people still even for three years later. I don't know how long it's been actually, I think three and a half years or something. We'll let all this is just from Made in Chelsea and I'm a bit like am I not like do I not have more to offer? Yeah. So like like it does. Kill me a little bit. Like I'm not gonna lie. It does kill me a tiny bit. That's kind of but obviously that's not that's not a doesn't Define me. Like I think I don't know. I think I would like just love to be introduced as a Creator. You are created at like a fun time gal. Literally. I'm young. I guess I should be allowed to be introduced as like this is silly Jeff's. Yeah, this is yes idiot, but not Idiot. Yeah, but I I really feel like from being on TV or being on I know being on anything it stays definitely say it was the first time people saw your face. Yeah, it's the first time people got to know you. It's the first time most the majority of the people can start to relate to you as a human being and what age were you when you started that 18? Holy shit. Yeah, so your judgment going into that? What was it? I was absolutely did like thought it was the most terrifying thing and yeah, I would but I was so so excited. To to be involved until I mean, I was just a waitress. I was just being like I mean, I loved waitressing. I love my job as well. Actually. I made that home quite young moved to London and worked in a couple of bars and I worked in this one bar in Sloane Square Court on tahrir. Okay, so I just like loved Hospitality. Yeah, like I liked being away from home because I was meeting new people and I loved serving people because I don't Got to meet people. So Hospitality was just like in my head what I wanted to do. Yeah, and then from there obviously just being in slides that area Sloane Square. Yeah. I met like the boys and he's like admitting and Jamie and like there was a group of friends that aside from that show. Hmm, the we always hang out. Okay, like will look best friends used to go every weekend. We were like we spent all our we can see other with you. Like go on holiday together, we'd all go to like Barbados together. Like it was mad. We're like a crew there and then only some of them we just don't happen to be on that show and mean anything to any of us were just there just our friends and then eventually Jamie and me. I think we're like me just do the shirt like your you spend so much time with us before so I was like, okay sick. I'm just going to do it my mom and dad were like, no you're fucking not doing that and I just did it and then yeah, it just led to sort of slow spiral. Of control, really and hydrogen spiral out of control. It was good. It was it was it was fun. Yeah at the start but I just personally like I'm not I don't have a thick skin when it comes to like I'm a deep deep deep thinker. Yeah and being a deep deep thinker and being on something where you're like the nation is watching you and judging you. I was just like and you have no control and have no you don't over how your portrayal I mean, of course if you're a That are so you're going to come across as not of your nice person. You should come across as a nice person but that kind of wasn't the case and then that started getting to me because I would be like no, this is not how I feel. I started going a little bit loopy loo. Actually really? Yeah, would you watch them? No, I couldn't could you not know I think you have to be a certain type of person. Okay. I think you have to be a certain type of person to thrive in that scenario. Okay, so that yes to be somebody that just loves every second of it and you love The cameras and you love constantly being up against people and like challenging each other and talking about each other and you like gossip and you like you just lightly real of Fame. Okay, and I like thought that I did so I was like sick. Oh my God, I'm going to be famous. This is mental and at 18 18. You don't really care about I walk at ya have any responsibility isn't yeah the repercussions of going on a TV show that like millions of people watched. I just thought it was Was gonna get me a nice boyfriend or something. Yeah, this is what I thought I'd never thought thought further than that. And then yeah long story got shot. I just wasn't strong enough. Okay. She just wants to run off and used to cry a lot. I used to just be sad. I wasn't very unhappy on the show changed me. Yeah at that time was instagrammer thing. Just I just caught like I think to be honest that's it. Definitely will be a reason as to why my Instagram popped off was because of the show at Tom I think it's gotten you okay and Twitter Twitter was like big, okay and I got Twitter and obviously when you're on a show like that you're talking to each other on like through Twitter. So people would love to see what you were saying to each other. Yeah, because which is another point of contact for them to see mmm so that we'd be like fighting on Twitter whilst the show was being aired. But why would you say that about literally it was like a pencil? Oh my God, because you're not that person just for meeting you today in person. No, but you are not confrontational on. No, but I am actually I'm really a little bit so basic I cannot imagine because you're so hospitable. But that does January thing. It doesn't mean that Yasmine. You can't you're not confrontation like yeah, definitely a feisty person. Okay, what is wrong to me or a friend? I will pipe up. Okay, and that was also the a big issue on Made in Chelsea because I would react to everything. Okay, like my reaction. I would be if somebody said something hurtful about me or too tall for to Alex. I would lose my shit. Yeah, and it would then they just catch you on camera and that's me like popping off in front of the nation every time. Yeah, because I would be hot because that was a real I would you say that cause that was my genuine reaction. Yeah, so I would just be so upset. Where's everyone else knew how to handle their emotions in front of the televisions front of the cameras. We are 18 years 18 19 turning 22. I lasted I think I lost a two and a half years. Okay before it started to really just like Affect me. As a person. I just didn't like who I was yeah at all because I would be reactive but in the way that like if someone even if someone was like really nasty to me, I just say sorry and I'm reactive in that way and then I react I regret not standing up for myself. I'm the complete opposite. Okay over gret going in as hard as I go in every time. Okay, so that was a problem on the show for me because I'd really embarrassed myself. My emotions I wouldn't think before acting. Yeah, and I would shout okay just cry or like kickoff. It was just so so many emotions have to deal with in front of a camera and then Then when you're in public I asked you this before but especially at that time when you're kind of just like a launched there was no who's no practice round. It's not like you're an actress and you're doing like many bits and few people recognize you like launched its instant instant. Yeah. How was that? Like, what was your first year of being? Not that bad. Not that bad quite again quite fun. Okay, like cuz you your liked by people and like the instant gratification on Instagram and the likes like it's nice. Hmm But like quite quickly that wears off I think yeah, I think yeah, I feel like Andy Jordan did something recently. Did you see that? You don't something about how did something? Yeah, he did something about reality TV and Instagram and that was everything that was quite sad. Yeah. Yeah that made me sad that. Sade yeah, but because he seems like a really nice he is he was lovely guy didn't know him very well. But when I did it was wicked. Yeah, but yeah, what was your question again? I we're just like literally just tell ya. What was your first year last year was not too bad. But then it gets it's just I think it just gets your head a little bit Yeah and in a bad way. Yeah, I'd say so personally but not not everyone is like yeah, I know what I mean. So not everyone is as deep as me. Yeah. So like when I took things seriously everyone's like Jesse the calm down. It's just a TV show. I've like no. No like this is too much like yeah, I've like really upset by things. Yeah sensitive. So and was that because you had no control over what was being portrayed about you or was that because you regretted things I just remember thinking like a point that when I was in it, I can never get out. Okay, that would be fucking sorry. I was so scared. Yeah, and that's when everything just turned bad for me. Okay battles a cup just It's like I don't know like I'm not even like famous. Like I'm like a small tiny miniscule dot on the grid, but I felt like joining. I just joined this grid that I could never get out of does that make sense? Yeah, and I put my it's like it's like if you're an accountant, yes knows that that what would you couldn't probably yeah me wanting to be like a film director. Yeah, like I'm never gonna be able to be a film director and you know, I wanted to be an actress and that and when I put my foot into reality He was like fuck. Yeah as like I'm never gonna get to do what I want to do. But then Mike yeah, that was just an extreme. I'm just an extreme person. So everything was just extreme. Yeah, but to be honest, it sounds it sounds like you're realistic as well. Yeah, and you're probably realistic from a young age like just think Cut From a Different Cloth maybes. Yeah still always thinking about things that sometimes it can seem Excessive. Yeah, I'm and overthinking and overthinking and sometimes yeah, that didn't help so soon as I left which like, you know what like I don't have a problem with any with the show or anything because I respect like they're just said job too. They're just making a TV. Yeah, and it's actually an a reality TV show. It's beautifully shot for yeah like mate the cameramen are ya we're double. Yeah, and I remember the first the first couple of years me and my sister-in-law Indie shouting. What do we see? Are all the girls were in the exact same color lipstick because they're like it was like it had an Instagram filter on was a filter and it was great because I used to not have to wear makeup. Really they would it would be like makeup was on my face. It was insane best filter. I think it was very expensive filter. Okay, because oh my God, I would turn up like no sleep or like dead hungover. It wasn't saying I would look like fire. That wasn't my real Grace. Well, there you go people who ever has or ever felt bad about that that we are a match. Ocular. Yeah, we're not the filter is very very expensive. That's insane funny that you would enter that was quite good fun. But yea, like I said, like I don't even have a problem with it. Like I really understand that like that's just their job to do that and you're either just cut out for it or you're not hmm so left. Yeah. Yeah. So like my mom and dad were like obviously everyone was in like what you doing leaving your careers popping like you're getting Rimmel you get here like Reebok Classic like you're doing quite well on this because you're quite different. May be quite different man quite like no you are too maybe they are the cost at the time. I was just like quite different type of person you represented a different type of girl a different type of girl. I like rough around the edges like yeah. Yeah dungarees. Yeah an abundance of shit, so they were like no no don't leave like you this is good. This is good for you, but I just didn't have it was like it's either sanity. Yeah or fame and what age was that at like 22 or something? Yeah, maybe that's it. Very mature decision 22 to pick fame or your mental well-being Health. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely chose my mental health because I genuinely didn't like who I was becoming. Yeah, I wasn't nice. Okay, and then when you left was that scary was that like what am I going to do Gary? Yeah because it's like a drug. Yeah. It's like he's gonna fall back. And yes because you can because you're leaving they don't want you to leave because if you're doing well you bringing view you got fan base. Yeah and Like the drunk is like leaving you're leaving everything behind you living this close knit family that look after you that you see every single day. Mmm, and you're going to the real world you're stepping back out of the dream and show sorry. That's probably bad things today. No, you're 70 a back out of the bubble. That's not a bad thing to send to get in trouble real world and you're like I got fend for myself now even No, I've got that behind me. Yeah, but now try and like be an adult and like have a career. That isn't and what when you laughed we did you have a career in mind or were you just like I just I didn't I was just so ready to leave that I didn't care what happened to me. So I was just like yeah like yeah, I was so ready to just not be on practically every bags of donated their yes. Name the year. So so ready to leave that I didn't care what happens. I just really gasps to do to be my actual my friends when I close close friends that were not on in like I think I don't know. I like yet again now, I might just be being really extreme because I'm an extreme person. But at the time I did feel this that's not extreme don't question yourself because I can't even Fathom being on the show on a show with the magnitude of at the time. What made in Chelsea was I can oh, yeah, if I get the time I was on it as well. It was absolutely huge. It was everything. Yeah. It was like when I was in school, I would have the girls over for Made in Chelsea. Really? Yeah. Did you watch him Domino's? Yeah. What did you think this is quite weird. I just can't really remember that X was alive, but I do remember This is so weird for me to say because now I'm in front of you but identifying with you more than anyone else obviously. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I mean, it's just quite bizarre to meet someone in person that you've that you seek is like because what is the reality show that weeks me out that like hearing you say that yeah wigs me out. Yeah because I come here. I'm just like a person hmm. Do you know I mean what even though everyone knows that? Yeah, but Even for use this must be like, I think just the fact that that's a TV and that's a person is what you're saying. Yeah, like it you're just kind of like Yeah, you know, I mean it's bizarre because at the time Made in Chelsea for me as a teenage girl was like what Game of Thrones has four little boys. Yeah exactly. I would like those in the Game of Thrones. Oh my God you so good being in friends, but like it it's just kind of bizarre because then I just can't imagine it would make me so anxious and it even does no race Odyssey on your fucking trousers. Yeah, what the fuck that's mental. Why is my favorite film and I like that's like literally something that I've been watching now on repeat because I think it helps me with my mental health and you've got on your fucking leg. That's really that's the universe. Sorry cats are weird because I was not gonna wear these pants. That's really all that. I own as we talked about that in five minutes time. I only wore these pants because youth shout out to youth who I interviewed this morning love these pants. They give them to you they just no no. No, he's just a guy like he just loves these apps and because he's a deep up vintage reseller. And these are like old musky know what the Yeah, there's a six things I've ever seen. Yeah. So like at least A Space Odyssey on as well. Whoa. Okay. What about Cesar? See? You've gone? No supposed to learn that my podcast is just a rambling CEO a great great. Yeah. Watch this film. My friend. Jamal was like, he's another person like me who we just we just like kind of like we talk about things that I may not make sense. Yeah, but in our heads but I yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. I feel like that. Yeah, like we just yeah anyway, so you didn't see this filming at the IMAX. It's cool. It's just like that 50 years of Stanley Kubrick made 50 years ago that film on your leg. I've never seen it but I've heard and it's just like this really weird like old space film like the first ever film made about space. It's like the the animations bad but like actually so good so bad that it's good. I don't know why I always talk about it about talks about this in Last podcast I always talk about this about something and it was just the birds by Alfred Hitchcock because it's such a terrible terrible terrible movie that you just like to keep I just like I actually recreated it with my cousin did you? Yeah, that's really funny. I'd love to recreate this. Maybe we could do that. Oh my god, let's do it. You know your knife of something that goes into yeah and like why is it just that like a little on repeat? You know, what's in that for me before? Or I choose night fish. I say would Reese Witherspoon and Cruel Intentions where this that's really cool. That's that's my way. That's really cool. Cruel Intentions is the best movie. That's really cool. You kind of look like her. Anyway, let's go back me so you yeah, you you talk a little like a little bit as in like, I feel like you're open but you're not like it's not like how do I put this because I have to be so I'm careful. You're very careful. Yeah, but mental hind because I feel like also with mental health. I went through a stage of thinking that I was really sick, like really really really needed like serious help. My family were a bit confused. So what was going on with me? This is this is not made under major. This is literally just like me hmm going through a bit of a transition where like I think I actually thought I was going a little bit like mad. Yeah, just like everything was just like not making much sense and I was like really really emotional and I was like so up and down I couldn't even like function and then I went saw like a therapist which I also like thoroughly recommend to anyone that's going through anything. See, I've never find a therapist that I feel comfortable trying. Okay. But anyway, so I went to this therapist and she said that I could potentially Sleep be bipolar. Mmm, and I was like, oh fuck that makes sense. Was it a relief or was it you? Okay, actually, yeah, so I was like, okay this is kind of makes sense with like how what's going on with me and I was like, everything makes sense my whole childhood make sense. Yeah. Okay. I was like felt like this insane terms of clarity. and then I went to another person and she was like you're not then another person was like no you're not so I was like You know, I mean, yeah, so then I got sad and this is self the system fucked me. But yeah, because I was going to take medication and I was like am I meant to say oh my no, I'm not who am I and now I'm just like what the fuck do you still feel like that but way more balanced than I was okay, so I don't know and I'm not a medication, but I was going to but then obviously having some more tests and screening done II think I'm just some It just suffers from severe anxiety and a deep thinker but I can I don't I don't want to put a label on it because I don't know if we need a label on these things. That's the thing with mental illness. Well mental well-being mental health. Is that sometimes like I used to find it so weird when I was in school and I used to have two for a dare points and stuff which is like extra points. If you have like any sort of physical or mental condition or dyslexia or whatever in Ireland for your a-levels and when you have to Go to and do an assessment. So I do one for like everything everything and it was like a mental one and you're like it's so weird that I'm telling you all these problems that are happening to my life. And then it's like not an issue but like and then they say like anxiety or they say yeah anorexia because I didn't like the labels very much. Yeah, it's are they have to have them but like it's so weird for you because it's you sometimes what I felt like it was like this sounds really shitty, but it's like Don't feel it doesn't feel as personal. Mmm. It's like oh, you're a part of this generalized. Yeah, so I know you're desperate for something you're desperate for them to actually give you to say you you're actually you've got something wrong or just to be like that must be shy. Yeah. I don't know why she's so anxious. Yeah. It's like yeah, you kind of wanting them to say more. Mmm. I feel exactly the same. That was my problem was I could help me? Yeah sort of thing the little yay just feeling anxious. I'm like me. This is not anxiety. Like I don't know what this is. Is just felt worse. But yeah, I do it like it's weird because I like like with my Instagram obviously I want like it's the least I can do. Yeah, it's to like be honest about how I feel and like you said earlier you asked me if that was for me or for the people that follow me. I don't know. I think it might actually be for me. Okay, so like me posting guys, I'm wigging out today shouts. You deep thinkers. I'm with you all that crap, which isn't crap. I that's for me. But see I saw your post the other day. It was like feeling but she said if anyone else is also Q. I like that. I like that and I love that and with you I kind of I believe and associate with pick things you say because I've kind of like I've followed you for a long time and I really trust you. Yeah, that's that's nice. Whereas like with other people sometimes when they're posting about mental health. And then I think it depends you inconstant. I'm not genuine does it it's just like if you're Posting concentrate on dragging perfect the whole time it just like kind of create an issue of my mind. If you are feeding into other people's mental well-being. Yeah, and then because that yeah because I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah, because it's bit of a bandwagon isn't it? Sometimes, you know jumping on the sea, I think like everyone obviously deserves to be open and like everyone should be open yet. So I would never say bandwagon per se but I would definitely say that sometimes it can feel a little awkward to me when someone's Testing constant odds has a different outfit on every day is posting all these different countries and is saying what a life like, how's your Monday? Probably and then it's like your guys. I actually just need to open up. I'm really unhappy. Okay, so you think that it feels dis genuine. No. No that doesn't fit field is genuine to me. It just is like well, sometimes that can make you feel like shit and like you're not achieving no, but like when they're posting in all these faces and then when they're like, oh this I actually feel kind of shit. You're like taken aback, really? Lee yeah, I would feel oh I see but that's coming from someone who like right now. I have 400 my bank and that's the highest I ever have, you know, and that's a lot for some people. I'm not I'm so grateful but like so it's just like sometimes you just like it's unfair and it but your like you've made me feel kind of shit. Sometimes we know not you not you personally because I'm setting the same generally right and it's just like I know I actually know what you're saying. It's hard. It's hard to describe because I feel like such a bitch, but I'm it's not and it's not a criticism but it's just this whole weird thing of Instagram because there's no normal way to behave there's no no one knows. No one knows what to do knows what to do. I definitely don't know what to do neither. And I have to I have to split it up. Now. Let's pause it. So we'll pause come back come back to thank you guys for listening and you're probably like are we stoned but we're not I've never gone back there. Okay? Okay. We're actually let's talk about this. Yeah, so I was just saying and probably people who are following me from Dublin know this so I yeah, I've gotten to me when I have an eight pack. Yes. Yeah. Yeah that's real because that's when I was Ill. So everyone knows this from my previous podcast that I suffered really badly with Nina and Sawyer and I was talking about what came how that came about and I think most people in Dublin will probably know this already but Like because I had like a few followers and I was so young and then people expected me to look a certain way. I just I was insane like I was so mean to my mom at that period as well just me too horrible to people around me just and Jesse's and I going through my Instagram. I'm actually freaking out right now the photos worse. You've like fiercely quite edited them. Yeah, at least you should have gone to the gym like every single day to go to five hours a day twice a day. Day for a couple hours mate that's didn't go to school and that's no fault of my mom. Like she couldn't do anything when you're that dedicated become completely obsessed. That was all I was so I was really depressed but also like so obsessed my period totally different. So I yeah, I had sleep until like 1:00 go to the gym go back sleep straight away because if I was sleeping I couldn't eat and I also have no energy and then I'd see you again but to be That was from having Instagram. So young and then people starting to follow me that like and then an older boy that makes me sad. Yeah, like really sad. That's why I have a really weird relationship with people speaking about Mental Health on Instagram, but it actually just purely because of me because of it's not that as a yes actually something deep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah because I want to go back also and say that I didn't mean to say that thing about the bandwagon. Yeah, because I didn't actually think there is about my good with window see that I understand what you meant. Did you know what? Yeah. I said it wrong though. But anyway, yeah, but it is hard. Do you find that I say that, you know that backs and there's quite a lot as well and that also scares me on Instagram, but you I think that that's because you're human and it's unnatural famous an adult to self-edit you mean it's like natural to like yeah like but like Fame being in the public eye. You know that having to be worried about what you're saying. That's our natural human. Yeah. It's so saying, oh I like I say things by accident is like such a harsh thing to put on yourself. Yeah, cause you're speaking but you can say something and regret it. Hmm. But that's human lat. I mean, yeah because I do that a lot. It's so unfair that once you say something obviously to a certain extent. I mean like if you're really going on. Yeah, but like it's a scary culture we live in that you say one thing and you get frightened because you said it and that doesn't it is enough light to fame. This is people real shame that we have that now yeah, do you ever get scared of being like canceled me? Yeah General Mmm Yea, like I said, like what obviously My career is right and how I'm not going to lie to you like Instagram is great and all but like I'm doing I'm going out of my way to try and get off it. So like I'm trying to orchestrate my career so that when Instagram does disappear, which it probably will may not I don't know. I have my foot elsewhere. So I do so many other things because I don't I don't want this to be what about in five six years time my going to be want to be sitting on Instagram. Mmm, how was my brain going to be unless I am producing the most wholesome like real like hard-working believable true to myself content. I'm not going to want to do be doing this. I'm I so I need to try it. Like what I'm doing is actually trying to get my eggs in a different basket and what baskets are they production? Okay, like I have a production company. What's it called? Its we've not got name at the moment. So sorry of us. But we've but what gonna weigh thinking of a name of got few names and we've also started with the something. I want you to like come on there after Stevie. It's can't say that to me. I don't like being I'm hoping you up because I'm not a person that can I would love you to definitely feature on this. It's going to be quite interesting me and my friend Steve you've come up with this treatment. It's a TV show. It's like, oh it's like old-school Gas Works like Brett big breakfast show like, you know bringing back the old TV shows. Yeah, like where it's like actual just like loose. Us chat. Yeah, and it's I don't I don't want to give away too many things because it's I can edit any of the site. It's a it's like based. It's a weave copyrights. My name's you can't steal it like Afters TV. Okay, so it's like an after-party. So like the whole theme is that it's loose. That is so bizarre. Okay, that is so fucking weird because Today's youth youth like who I interviewed earlier can attest to this and youth send Jess a message at how we were talking about this. I was saying to you that I want all my podcast to be based like a conversation you'd have an after-party. Yeah, let me do that is bizarre because any time you get to see someone's real self sometimes when they're in addition to yeah. Well, they're smoking something or whatever. I don't care what they're doing. Yeah, but I'd also unfortunately for me like there's a bit of an agenda where I'm quite like a loose fun. I drink I go out of See I have fun with people like yeah, it's attached to me. So I'm going to pray like prion that why is that attach to you this because I think well, I think obviously on my social media, I'm very honest know what I'm hanging up my ass. Yeah, and when I'm just quite a lot of the time yeah because I'm living. Yeah younger work hard and I play hard too. Yeah, and like I do think that people pick up on on that about me and I think it's funny like I think I'm just a normal girl. Yeah, so like for me I'm not going to lie either a lot of my clients and a lot of people that I've met have come from having a solid drink with someone. Yeah meeting someone at a party or meeting someone for drinks or I don't know wherever it may be it weirdly. I don't know promote having fun, but hat sometimes having fun is led me to my career. Yeah, so that's why I want to use this like the after the fake after party. It's not really a fake. I kind of want to give people drinks on it. Hmm But I don't know if that's allowed was trying to find out if that's a lot of Pee Wee can give because we're not a reverend mortem cocktails Chloe, but you know what? I mean, we're also going to blindfold people may the make drinks and like it's always really fun. Are you sure you want me on this show because I'm a lightweight. It's the same. I'm already quite the same. I'm concerned that we're still recording. But yeah, I really want to do this is something that I've just been working on for like six months. Yeah to be honest. It's really exciting and it's keeping me. You making me really really happy unreal. Yeah, I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to show you like a pilot making a pilot next week wheezing artists for now, like Musical music artists, like because I know there's some badass artists out there that you don't really get to see their personality. You can hear the music. Yeah, I never get to see them like the like them. Yeah, and I like and there's an interesting space for People who aren't uh, how do I Define this? Why my podcast I think has done. Well, honey. Don't be tooting my own horn, but I also don't want yeah just fuck that. I also don't like being like Oh my God. I'm so alternative because people who are like really alternative probably come for me, but I do feel like that. Like what I have tapped into is that there's there's something that people want to see and that's like alternative culture artists. How are Just live and work in the kind of commercial climate that we're in and that's how I've been interviewing and and my interviews aren't based on followers. That's just nice. It's based on Merit Merit. Yeah, that's cool. But you know what? I mean like what I mean? That's what I find interesting about what you're saying is because there's a lot of people who don't do interviews who are scared. Yeah, the unsigned artists as well as yeah. No one's I'm going for now because they have no idea like for me even I have you've no idea how to make those kind of connections and get on to those kind of things. How does Focus Westerville? Yeah. Yeah. It's mad mad times my times we live in so that and then as well like I love how your when you are doing ads on social media now, it's not a photo with the product in its not shaming that but I'm saying like it's I appreciate because as Saying before you're not paid extra to do good night. At first that's what I also really want people to like. No, not that anyone gives a shit, but I think people do give a shit. But like for me it's a massive thing showing adverts down people's throats. I think it's offensive and annoying people can unfollow. And yeah, absolutely and I just but I just think that sometimes for me personally may not be with anyone else. I don't get pleasure from it at all. Like I find it really gives me severe anxiety. Actually before you post not okay hate it. Okay, and why is that cause like--'cause I because I know It must be annoying. It must be a bit annoying. See I probably used to think that when I followed that I still follow an outrageous my people but I'm still trying to undo that. Yep, but when I followed a lot of people because I used to just follow people for their bodies or like to be competitive to drive me which is like the wrong so wrong I think now, Now people are starting to realize if you have a problem with Instagram. First of all, you can delete the app. You can unfollow people at all. So you can use Instagram how you want. It is you're tall really Instagram technically isn't a bad to say. No, not at all. I'm not even saying no no. No, you're not at all but I'm saying that's what I'm saying. Like in an agreement with you is that you shouldn't feel shame for your ads because you're putting so much effort into it people can unfollow if they don't like it. Yeah people can block you if they never want to see you the explore page. Yeah, I appreciate that you're doing yeah, I definitely don't like yeah, like if a brand when a partner with me like me and Ali my production team that will literally sit down for a couple days and we'll come up with a concept like a little short film to like an organic personal way to promote something that and we're only ever played something if I genuinely love it. Yeah. I've never I've never promoted anything. I don't love that I can stand by because a lot of people say that but I know No, that's you with you. Then. You need to like you can see that. Oh, no, that's what I mean about anything. There are things I prefer like Like a lock aware p.m. Every day, right? Yeah and I did before they that's why they hired me. Yeah. That was what they found me. Yeah. That's the same with deep up. Yeah cuz oh, oh, she's an ambassador ready? Yeah, he's like brilliant and then like obviously Mac. I've been waiting. So I was like, yeah like I don't know 10. Yeah. So, uh makes had a studio fix fluid. Yeah on the body or like worsted. Are you the orange eyeshadow? Yeah Mac orange eyeshadow has been part of my life. Is that is you You it's me. Yeah, and so when they people know you started that aren't eyeshadow, by the way, she invented I say Irish Irish example, like the orange eyeshadow. They were like you were this we know that it's ours and I was like So I named for meeting was like yeah, mate. Let me create something that something that's real true to me, which I did the video like, oh, you've been moving back since day one because it's true and I showed you a photo of me way Matt when I was 15. Yeah, so like if and if there's any way that I could tie in me as a person to promoting then that is how I will do it and it is the only way because you have things you don't have to do I don't get paid to make the videos. No, I get paid to do something. I'll go ahead and spend a week working on like Reduction of a video. Yeah also for my benefit because I fucking love it. Do you enjoy enjoy filming? Yeah, I love it. Come out concerts poems the music editing talk to us about your pounds. I want people to know about this because it's amazing. Don't be scared. It's amazing. There's like a lot of things in my head like over the years I've written down and I wanted to do poems short stories short films. I've just remembered or like made up when I was a little the I do convert into two things like like short films. Hmm. It will be something that I knew that I dreamt that I wrote down years ago. Mmm, and then I'll I doubt it. It's weird. It's weird. It's like I have a book in my head of films. I want to make I want to I like I want you to be a director when I was younger. So that's why I felt like I blew it by being on reality TV. Do you think that happens to a few reality TV people? Maybe I never really thought about that. Maybe I feel like it does personally like for me I know she's self in the foot but this is me, like I'm going to sign like a cock head right now. But when I was in first year, yeah, that's not a word when I was in first year of college when I was in screen acting had no money. I was single and I was I was retreating back to the space of that. I had been in before and and All right. So then I got an email from ITV being like hi. We really love to have you on the show we're doing okay. So I was attached to a like a really really amazing and screen acting academy with a guy who liked how this works with Heath Ledger and stuff. So I was like, okay this is going to be I'm going to make it like this is okay shit, like someone has noticed me and then email back me like high waters every language the show is called loveliness. Really? Yeah, we haven't crossed I was so crushed, but I was like should I take it? Okay. Oh, really? The only reason I didn't only reason is because Being from Dublin like you know that if you ever go back to Dublin, you've done something like that. It's going to come with a lot of judgment and I wasn't in a good headspace and I was aware of that and now I'm so glad I didn't do that because I feel like it would have fucked me over for what I'm doing now, but the same time if I had done it like no judgment to people that do but if I had done it, it would have take me down a different chords because that's what happened what's happened with me. And yeah, so it's I can so I've on Durst and how you felt at that moment. Well, I can't I can't In but I can imagine. Yes so weird, isn't it? Does it feel like that wasn't real that part? Definitely also because you like sometimes it's something called I think with your brain. Never underestimate the power of your brain my brain. I must have found that quite hard because my brain doesn't want to remember it. Mmm, like my brain doesn't the whole want to hang out with that with those thoughts. So when someone's are how was it that how really was it? How was your day today? I'm like, so it's like a forgotten because maybe it was hard. That's bizarre because I can relate to that very much having success obviously at my mom or your boyfriend being psychologist. Okay, my boyfriend isn't nervous like he's studying psychology study. He'll be like oh my god. Well done. Tell her this sick and having my mom has like a Master's in psychology talking to her about these things is interesting because she's she has she has a way of explaining it to me and she said look if you found pain in your life your brain can help you forget it. Yeah, like cushion it shares is that is because I And remember yeah anything from time in your life the from second year of secondary school at don't know what that is in yours. But the second year you're in your second level. I don't know what that is. If you had a to a levels, I have no memories. Yeah, if you've had a really tough time in those in those years, I think your brain it's almost like, you know, sounds quite extreme saying this but you know, if somebody dies hmm your brain can protect you for a few years. Until you're ready to deal with it. Hmm. So you might not be ready to deal with that right now. Yeah, so your brains just kind of clocked out for a bit. And then when you are your we access it. Yeah, and you'll bring it back up and you'll be able to talk about it. But right now you're clearly not ready to talk about it now, so don't bother it will come back. Yeah, when it we need to come back. It's like dealing with trauma. It's like dealing with death. It's like dealing with and I know I can't say it link what happened to me because it's not death. It's nothing bad. It's just it was very but it's something that Who would have ever known that we could be as humans watching other humans on the TV going about what we think of their normal daily life and judging them by that literally just watching them go about their life 18 year olds that is kind of it. Even if it wasn't a traumatic experience. It's its default its Because I I'm not saying it's bad but it's like if you actually think about what we're doing and how far we've gone from the nozzle, right? That's why I get up. Like, you know, when you see me on Instagram and I'm wigging out you freak out of every kind of freak out. Don't freak out. Yeah, it totally freaked out. Mmm. Look at like I completely lose like like I think we'll see because I'm such a like inquisitive person. Yeah. I'm like what? Yeah. Yeah, you're like, what am I what? She's a floating item right now though why I'm just a deep motherfucker and for having done something. That's not even like this is that's that I'm like whoa. That is what we like what we doing. Yeah, it's funny. That's also quite weird. Isn't it? It's bizarre that I have dreams where I know one of the Kardashians and then I wake up and takes me a couple hours to realize I don't know them personally. I had a dream last night about Gemma Collins, but Gemma Collins is an icon them, but she had a proper dream but her and she was in Drag and she was dancing. That would be the best thing to ever happen as fast and she was in Drag and she was dancing and she was helping me because I was scared. This is fun. I mean, this is a bit strange yet. Yeah, I've had a really bad nightmare last night. We're like there was like somebody in my room. Mmm. Sometimes I get these late night terrors sleep paralysis coming by I guess it was quite a lot. I just because that when I slammed my back, I think it's going to be like, yeah, it's always when I lie on my back has anyone like seeing this little kid in my room and in my dream I dreamt that Gemma Collins was distracting me trying to help. Help me in drag in drug trying to help me distracting me from the little girl that was looking at me in the corner of my room and I had a gem help me. Go back to sleep. Thank you Gemma Thank you Grandma. That's your mind. How weird is that at Gemma? Thank you for helping me frickin weird. You know what? I know your ads are good. But have you seen Jammers ad where she is wearing a swimsuit and in the boobs of the swimsuit there are speakers and she's in Ibiza. I think playing music out of her boobs. I know your ads are good. I need to get out. That I need to get back in the yeah. I've seen a few have seen it. Do you have a list because sweeps relationship. I like talking about this. That's my favorite topic unconventional relationship for me too. We'll just like dating now in London and I might like like will work one. I'd say it's hard for you. I cannot imagine dating as as a human. Well, first of all in London, but Zach enough to second of all. As you but I'm not but me I'm just like like, you know, does that mean know for me? I mean like as in what does that mean? I would never know if someone is he obviously you're like stunning and you're so nice, but I would never know if someone was like so really into me as a person. Or like you're like yeah, I don't know close. I don't know. Yeah, see I feel like everyone who beat I think everyone in is in on his famous or everyone in London example Instagram. I said doesn't matter. Do you have any mean? Yeah, everyone in London is like is like on like some hot some like mad trip. Yeah. So like I don't think that's a thing in London. Okay. I really don't think everyone you turn the corner and your next alike. The most the highest highest paid actor in the world, then you turn a corner. Your next letter is building Instagram and one then trying to call you next to the six artists in the world. It absolutely know what I felt like in woking when I right guys. That's Niche but if you know, you know, that's not where she lives. Like Supply everyone has a fucking status or like or is this ache got so much going on our or a very interesting people? Yeah. So I think there's so much competition that people are really looking for clout. People are just like there's so much option. Yeah, so that like if you meet someone there like she's all right, there might be better. Well, let people like constantly like there's so much choice of all these dating apps all this shit that that have you ever gone on a dating app. I did. Yeah. I did like that would be a bad idea for you. Yeah. Yeah, it's not working didn't never work at never actually met anyone know but I feel like people would just you'd have some too many options. It's a dating app called Raya Raya. Yeah, I don't know and it's like I don't know. It's okay is what it is. I've never actually it's never worked for me but was I'm not I don't know. I'm just I don't do ding too good. I didn't think I'm so like into what what I'm like my focused. Okay, that's good. Yeah, I think so. But then obviously you see like, I don't know. It's just weird. I think there's not much choice for for chicks in London. I wouldn't say that. I've really anyone that's like this is sick like this person. I want to get to know this that's probably a good thing. I think I mean, I'm such a cringe but like I feel like for you you're definitely I can see from even talking to you. You're definitely like on a journey and I feel like a part of the universe is like and his friends but like, you know universe is like like just Like grantee, I think you're on like a creative path and that if if I was saved by a boy and fell in love, I would lose track of what I was doing. See I'm aware of that. I am the opposite and I know people perceive me as different but I as in I was always going out with someone when I was younger. Yeah me too always and then I didn't and then I just started going out with my best friend and then because I I knew what it was like to actually be valued as me then I just flourish. I've never had that. Okay, so I was a cycle before that. I am recognized they'll probably am I was so remember being so in love when I was younger to this one kid that I kind. It sounds this sounds mad. No I am I say this out loud, but it really I think has affected me now. Hmm because of like having my heart just ripped out of my chest. I just don't can't be bothered. I like can't I liked I'm like cool like I have feelings for you if I've met sick people but like the second I start to have feelings for someone. I'm like no move away. Do you think that's because you're career-driven? I don't want anyone's get invoked get in the way of my path. Yeah. I can imagine that if I I know I won't I know that sounds like such a crazy thing to say but I like why you can never know anything for certain, but I know I want like what if I was ever to be single again, I can't see myself ever getting with someone until I've achieved absolutely everything that I want yet because you want to be your best self, don't you? Yeah, but then when I achieved everything that I want you just a climatized that and you want more career-wise that's just well for me for me. So then it's just like so I think along that path you'll find Yeah, I like it's not even to me like I don't care. Yeah, if I do or I don't if I do great. That's so nice like to have someone to have someone that like the makes you your best self and then makes you feel secure that I'll be like beautiful, but I'm not worried about it. And I know that a lot of you mean you are a lot of girls, I think alike I'm single I'm single. I'm like that's their identity things and go like I literally like I've got no one to worry about For nothing no extra when you're in a good relationship. Oh, you shouldn't have I will you know, okay. Do you know what I mean? So that's why I'm not desperate for one because I wouldn't know what it's like to be in a sick sick relationship. But that I think that's a better place to be in when you're looking for not looking when you're not with anyone, but you're not intending to be any with anyone because it's like I know a lot of girls and even myself in the past I My identity was that I was single then my identity was that I was with certain guy and then my identity again was better single know and that's only thing in my personal belief that young girls go through. I think that's quite sad. Hmm. A lot of my here. We're about to run out of time. We'll just do every 20 minutes or something. Yeah, it's this otherwise, it's like so expensive one expensive. Yeah you have to add is there's a certain tax added for and TV broadcasting. It's not actually the camera. It's what they can sell the cameras you got me. But and we saying why are they saying that identity thing with being single and stuff? Yeah. I wish people wouldn't focus on it as much but also think also with Instagram and Facebook and with the stuff like I don't know it's also so much choice and stuff like that that people are like hmm. I don't know just confused because I know in the past like when I was so so Unless is no hey to All My Exes, I actually a very nice actors, but I honestly that I was like a child so they're not actual exes. But like when I was with I just I wouldn't be with a person like they'd always be nice people but like I would put something always on the back burner. So like whether that was most the time I was my creativity because I didn't actually be who I was until I was with my current boyfriend because he didn't give a shit. I'm because he's doing psychology here actually be like if I was going out with people people and I was like, oh not going to wear that because it's not that heavy why people like actually think because he said that you should wear that. Oh, that's great. He sounds good. He's like the best and I'm like really cool and that's not because other people were not good people. That's because like he is like a person for me and I do the same I would hope for him, you know. Yeah, but I also think that like what I have also learned from being in a relationship, which is weird. Is that that that relationship it doesn't Define you as a person. Which has never been my experience. I was always like like in school. I'd be like, oh not to other people but to myself I'd be like, I'm going out with an older guy. Yeah, that's that's so wrong. Isn't it? Like that's defining your identity. Yeah, and I was sexualized I feel like from such an early age because you were dating an older guy too. Yeah, and then that now even when I'm in in Ireland, I feel like when I have lectured her and like my nose ring in like wearing funky clothes and no one really looks me, but when I'm in here Because I think people are more used to Funky people when like men like would look at me a certain way when I was young. I would love that but now because I like to transition as well. I like it like makes me feel sick because of when I was younger. Yeah, but I'm saying I had a complete and utter identity a crisis when I was at school. Yeah, that's the way I like proper padded bras like my face slapped on makeup. Like I didn't know who I was I was head full are extensions. All I wanted was attention from guys. Hmm, and it is only thing that made me happy. And it was weird and it was obsessive and and like I just it was a massive confidence thing for me. And then I moved to Australia for a year and I came back a different person. I didn't know you moved to Australia. Yeah, I just tapped out. This is before I am I suggesting for Made in Chelsea II Tapped Out went there like met all these Swiss Ozzy from just people from around the world in this place in Cannes. Far North Queensland. I picked on the map the first place I go to just because I want I knew that I wasn't being myself like I was being like I was an attention seeker as being like vein and like hated the way I looked sometimes and I just kept on taking on makeup and kill them adding more padded bra and like going out to live look in the night trying to get trying to get someone to like look at me. It was so weird that when I went there like a like just no one knew me and I just started again. So I Took him and make for off. I let my hair gets coffee. I put a nose ring in this is when there's rain came from used to me you started this though. So that's such a big thing that I can't claim that. Yeah, but I would like to play a lot of girls that I know that's where you gotta free cake. We actually give my best friend to shout out Carla O'Sullivan. Carla is Sullivan is he was my best friend. He's currently card. Let's be honest. I've no idea where you are, but she's studying science in America someplace really smart girl. She's actually Sitting find some go away. But as in a year in America, she she when I was getting this I was like, I just wanted like Jessica Woodley's which is so weird and she was like, we're in Vancouver and she's like, yeah, like, I don't know if it's possible to get a ring one when you get like I just now that conversation. Oh my God. So bizarre. I was a quite similar. Yeah. No, I like to be honest just like you are one of those people that like me and my friends are look at and get inspiration from and now it's weird to me. You and think of you as a real person. That's that's mad that do you think of people doing that? No, of course not it's a comment. That's bizarre. That's absolutely bizarre. It's very it's very flattering very but like I can't get my head around it. I'm a Reigns just like nah. Nah, I was talking about when we kind of like took a break there that like even though this is weird for me to say it in the make me so uncomfortable. Is that like you would be more those people that sometimes I would look at your page and I'd be like and this isn't from you. This is just like how you look I'd be a bit sad and I like you have that with other people and I have that with people as well that has 80 followers must be funny for you to hear that. Get to it's bizarre from as you if you folks have on my page because of some something. I wore or somewhere where looked in a photo I have had that too. I have a quite a lot still. Still have it. It's literally a catch-22. It's just weird circle is one big circle. Yeah, and it's a shame. I definitely would recommend people on Instagram to orchestrate the people you follow Taylor at to yourself. Hmm. Don't follow anyone that you want that desperately to be or that desperately to body shape like just try try and get rid of them what I've done recently as like even if I like the person if Go on to their page. I like I said that about you but I like that given that you know, that doesn't but like that. I feel like that was more when I'd be insecure, you know what I mean about like mostly I go to your page for inspiration and also you don't make me laugh the great because that makes me sad that you would say that you know, it's cool because no but that was the Dolby like a token occasion. Yeah, but like what? I don't know if you remember but like at the start of Instagram that whole like fit spiration like loads of Australian girls with like the thigh gap and all that kind of shit. It like you remember you were expected to have a Bigfoot and a gap I Gap at the same time. So that's what a time to be alive. Yeah. Yeah, it's mad. Yeah. Is there anything you want to say before? We wrap up? I think that just think last podcast ever if I sound mad you'd I am but you don't it's just because a lot of people I speak to their how do I like you are just you mmm and that's nice. Yeah. Hope so bloody. Hope sir. That's the funniest podcast ever. I know my podcasts as you can tell it doesn't really have a linear. That's great structure is how it should be I have to do my depopulate guys download deep up and iOS or Android now, but I actually love deep. I went into them yesterday. I loved it. They're so nice. The people their office is so bizarre. There was dogs walking ever had this thing called Vibes. Did you go to the office in Liverpool Street? Yeah, they're nice is very bought ever. And there's like all the people who work there sounds like I am talking to the Head the guy I deal with this had a digital marketing and he's just wearing like all Supreme really needs like that. See that sounds like and yeah, I actually got everything I'm wearing today on deeper did you this is from past trash? These are from nothing special vintage. I wear them all the time because I love outfit repeating and more. This belt is not this belt is from a vintage shop in Dublin. It's either heirloom. Okay guys it you know, it's the between Georgia Street Arcade, and so I throw him streets Jesse's like I don't know anything yet. Okay. Love you all and thank you so much for listening and you already follow Jazz if you follow me, but just follow anything. Thank you.
Halfway through my second season, it is an incredible honour and quite a surreal moment to bring you an interview with Jess Woodley, a fiercely intelligent, honest and open individual who I have looked up to and followed since I was about 14. In one of the most open podcasts I've posted so far, Jess discusses her journey to be taken seriously as a creative having appeared on reality television. We talk about her upcoming television series and how she uses poetry that she has written since she was a young girl to develop aesthetic creative media for instagram and other creative enterprises she works within. This podcast deals with discussions on mental wellbeing and issues with sense of self. We discuss how as women, we have let relationships and being sexualised from early in life define our worth in the past. Jess explains why she feels she is at her most aspirational and hard working when she is single. The podcast takes a really engaging turn when I tell Jess how easily susceptible I was to being 'influenced' as a young girl struggling with low self esteem. Jess is incredibly aware of her audience size and of her contribution to the platform and explains how she herself has felt low as a result of comparing herself to others, we question the benefits of the mental health discussions on instagram and express our vulnerabilities being part of a generation confused. Thank you Jess, for sharing your bubbly, hospitable  personality with us and being so honest about your feelings and struggles. Thank you to Depop for fascilitating these conversations. This week's depot shop of the week is @nellskitsch for Sabrina the Teenage Witch style second hand clothing in sizes 8-14. I am currently looking for plus size Depop pages to spotlight, please dm me on Instagram @mouldyparsnips or email me at mollyparsonspodcast@gmail.com with suggestions. 