What's up fam dead and buried here to let you know that if you haven't heard about anchor it's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain it's free. There's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer and anchor will distribute your podcast for you. So it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many more you can even make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership. Have we made any money? Keep we make money hand over fist through anchor. Hello did oh, no, did I just bought a boat? It's everything you need to make a podcast in one place. So download the anchor app are going to Anchor dot f m-- to get started. Sup gang Mike here from the dead and buried podcast with my man. You got me pointing now. Let's eat. Yeah. You may know me as Dad and buried online. Obviously as I say every week. Nobody knows Pete. I'm a mature web Surfer Pete amateur web server. That's how I still call it surfing. You know, what I was gonna say browser, but then that would be weird but then it sounds like you're like Netscape that are so correct. That's why I said weird. That's why I said that Calling it Surfer wasn't any less. Fuck. You know what Mike it doesn't take away from the fact that I'm an amateur you are an at a lot of things. You know, I'd casting probably first and foremost. That's the number one. So we're both amateurs. I don't know. We're not amateurs at is talking shit about our kids. You know, we're X I have built the social media Empire on it. I have crested over 100,000 followers the wave has crested and now it's all down to him as a ratcheting down to like wait. This is the this is what I'm following all these people follow them. Soon he'll probably come it back down to the way. I thought I'm a 90s, you know on Instagram at offering to Instagram. It's not all parenting graphs. Have you heard of Instagram Instagram? Because your wife is on it. That's right A present. She is. I'm also on Facebook. I have a Blog I'm on Twitter. I do the same thing everywhere where I talk shit about my kids and parenting and Parenthood and being a dad. I've heard of those plot you have. Yeah. I'm not on Tick Tock yet. I don't not good at this quick form video content. That's so young. A man's game good flossing and any Fortnight. I'm not I don't fly Oh, you mean the dance? I thought you meant for not dancing actually flossing like with floss like a dentist might say, you know, what I've a friend is a dentist. They both apply. Would you go to a dentist that you knew like that personally like a friend from college? Hey, Greg my brother's wife is a dental hygienist. Okay. I assume he gets hurt his teeth cleaned by her. I don't know that I've ever brought it up. But I have a friend who's a dentist and I know other friends who have gone to him. I'm like, I'm not into it. I guess a little too intimate. Don't get my mouth. I don't need you to know what's going on in my oral cavity my cavity which may or may not have don't judge me. No, I am my kids are judge me thing. I open my mouth. Sometimes you have cavity fillings from previous cabinet. Is what? Okay, so you have cavities shut the fuck up. I'm Dill many. I don't know. I stopped counting. I'm not 13 anymore. It's not a big deal. I have my wisdom teeth still I have my dentist told me my mouth was big enough at a never get rid of him think he was coming on to me as he I think he was I'm saying no, I'm just saying but I don't know if he is. He's still go to yours passed away. No, so when was the last time you went to a dentist? I'm unemployed and I haven't had benefits so it's been about seven seven or eight months. No, I go regularly. All right, it's going to be enough filled with this is not an ant identified podcast is an anti parenting podcast. Yeah, let's get focused here. Love our kids. We hate parenting and parenting is it sucks, by the way, if you're new and you're listening and you love parenting should probably pause and get the fuck out of here. No, you should do not grow a sense of humor. How about that? Grow one quick? Real quick. We love our kids. We love our children. The lights of Our Lives my God. It's herenton making sucker up shit. And that's what I talk about on Instagram and on Facebook and I do it lightheartedly ish kind of you say you have a Persona this Persona is so closely like a razor thin like a difference think of when you think of the difference between one person the other think of a an M&M shell. It's like if Sugarman and Clark Kent, the only difference was has the Clark Kent wore glasses and there was literally no other things so my wife gets mad that that every year goes by the two personas just get closer and closer together. What's funny is today. I posted something today. I posted it something and somebody commented on my Instagram. I said, I know you love your kids but this is getting depressing some people shit. I put about how large part of parenting is pretending to be enthusiastic about shit. You don't care about like your kid being like, hey, look at this and be like, oh, yeah cool man without even looking at it because guess what? I don't give a shit. But you're fucking latest Lego creation. Write your first three when you were three gangbusters. I love that you are a goddamn Prodigy now. No now let's okay. I'm trying to watch The Lost Boys. That's a Reservoir Dogs reference for my man, Nate. What? Oh my God not gonna get into. Wow, what you had are trying to bust the last but you just brought it. You just put the break. I'm sorry. That's your specialty. Yeah. I gotta leave it to the professionals anyway look so we've been doing this podcast for half a year more. More than half a year now somehow feels and we're still going we're not giving up any time soon. Not until Nate is like pulling the plug on what I'm going to do. Whatever the FCC tells us to know. We're not going to do that continue to go. So if you want to support us, you can support us, you know, you can spread the word anybody you talk to just start blurting out dad married podcasts the probably casually drop it in like hey, you know what? I saw Sarah the other day and it things weren't looking good. But Have you listened to Dad Barry podcast? Because that's actually really yeah anyway, so Lots of surgery in the forecast for Sarah it's not going to be good because Sarah I'm this is a person you've made up to talk about. Okay, that's how you do it. That's I'm just giving you an example of how you could put the brakes on something to drop the sorry. Anyway, look tell everybody, you know, literally everybody, you know kids who don't want a don't watch the Arrow your kids the world is overpopulated. So tell these kids listen to a podcast that will make you hate parenting so that they don't contribute. You know, what climate change Age is real. Oh my God. I know it's her. Yeah, get them started early. That's why it was good that you're eleven-year-old started listening because now nip that in the bud and you know, I'll be honest here. If you are listening, please brush your teeth. So go raid us you can write us on Spotify and on Apple podcast the more ratings we get the better. We're trying to hit new and notable. We'd love to get way. I would love to get a new normal which is really exciting. We're not to new anymore because we're veterans at the old. Yeah, we're old and maybe 43 is the 223 I meant our podcast but I guess he's old you can listen to us anywhere you get Podcast Spotify Apple Google bunch of names. I can never remember. We're not in pain door yet. No apply for that. We're not on Alexa don't have our Pandora pocket Amazon something Amazon something know you can set it up so that like you can say to Alexa Alexa play the Danbury podcast. We haven't set that up. Hold on. Are you in fact my dad? Talking about technology. Look I don't understand it that much. I know that you can say Alexa Cloud play the poopy song and it will happen because your daughter taught my son how to do that now and it's never stopped. So leave us a review. We need as many reviews as possible. If you enjoy this give us some star ratings. Give us some review subscribe. If you want to talk about individual episodes do that on YouTube. Yeah. It's much easier to talk about whatever the specific topic of that episode was and if you want to throw some cash you can go to patreon or anchor there was a little cash help us get out of Of somebody was like is that Pete's man cave and I'm like no. It's actually a decrepit Warehouse in Williamsburg. Yeah. Overlooking the BQE gets very hot and very loud. Anyone were to say hey, where should you start a podcast? You'd be like definitely don't do it nice there. And then you were like, let me sign the lease who was assigned get merch on a shop that spreadshirt dot-coms last dad - and - buried we got some some sweet-ass merch coming up soon. Pete promises me. Yeah some hot shit for our patrons. So there's a lot of different ways. You can support us you can use your words. You can use your wallet. You can I don't know you can piss on the snow dad and buried okay, there's no snow here yet, but it's coming up coming. We're still gonna be guess what we're still going to be on the fucking are way to plan their snow on the ground the seed you plant to see you not plan it you you don't plant a seed with urine. That's not how nature works. You see. I'm planting the see my God. I'm not you know what you're getting into some sketchy territory. That shit doesn't take Traction in the snow. Anyway, it's getting weird. We do want to thank our patreon supporters of people who have been throwing some cash our way. We really appreciate it. I'm a single dad tear we got Chris Coleman Miriam and MSP buying all three of them have been around for quite a while. I believe Mary. I hope you enjoyed your recent visit to Brooklyn. I'm sorry, we didn't get to meet up but I was sick all week. If you may still hear it in my nose think of everything. Well, I'm always sick of everything. That's Eternal but I was quite activity ill as soon as we were. Last week I got sick the dad bod here Barbara Geiger and morning glow father figures here. Julie McCarthy. We know who you are Sarge Sarge all ski who claims. He doesn't follow the CFL but I don't know and brand-new supporter Jennifer Winn. Thank you very much Jennifer the world's greatest dad tear Mary Williams and Mom party of two and the my new dad tear Sarah who is in fact ABC Mommy and histogram. I confirmed that later this week. You did. Yes. I did. Well Shout Out to ABC Mike. Care about each and every one of you and if I ever get around to filling out of will maybe you'll be in there. Hmm. Is that going to just include a bunch of debt that just everyone has a bunch of debt and my collection of Garfield though? Okay books got it. So named after that one. So debt and actual moving so you have to move now to know I don't have that many Garfield books. Well a little crate. Okay. Did you ever hear that Marc Maron episode where he talks about how somebody like left him a collection of vinyl? It's actually very moving little story. Yeah. Like that's dude. He's great. Some people have told me that this is pre podcast is nothing new with podcast, but that I reminded them of Marc Maron that like a curmudgeonly jerk. Okay. No, but Marc maron's I mean he his person his Persona. Yeah. He's a he's but you've met him in real life. So, you know, no no no, no in my dreams. I've been your dream. They haven't we all told you haven't we all so yeah, look we want to keep this going. So use your words use your wallet again pee in the snow. We don't give a shit just Spread the word, you know what frankly even if you don't we love you're still going to you're still going to do it because we love it's a labor of love is a labor of love. It's now up to a lot. I feel 12 percent better. It's a night or just like every time I do this show twelve percent better. I feel well first it was 10:00. Now. It's that it was 11:00 Now, it's 12 every time I walk away. I'm able to feel like cathartic venting or the venting to see I've been running for a long time. So this does nothing for me. This is just the same old. It's just like regular. It's Regulated. Yeah, somebody just put a microphone on during my regular conversation amazing how the character of God because after I mean, I'm an artist you are an artist sculpt anger. So this week we're going to be talking about we got a lot of disgusting comments guaranteeing. What's our topic this is going to be our shittiest episode ever because it's all about potty training. I'm in the midst of it. You went through it. We got a lot of tips. And anecdotes and you know just some stuff. Yeah, it's coming at you. It's going to hit the fan. Okay. All right. Well, let's get out of here. That's one of my favorite gags in the original airplane movie where somebody goes to shit's gonna hit the fan and then shit flies over and guess what it hits and it and then it flies it hits a fan. You didn't you gotta say it hits the fan. I don't have to say it because I'm not a party to any of these we know it. Is that a joke? It's true. You're not a joke. All right. Well with that We'll be back after this to talk about to talk some shit. Fuck. Hey, Mike, have you heard of Spotify before? I have heard of Spotify? Really? Yeah, because on Spotify you can listen to all of your favorite artists and podcast in one place for free. You don't even need a premium account Spotify as a huge catalogue of podcast on every topic including the one you're listening to right now here. We were having a normal conversation and I thought I knew more about Spotify. We're on Spotify. You can follow your favorite podcast. So you never miss an episode premium users can download episodes and listen offline. Ever you are and easily share what you're listening to with your friends on Instagram. I'm on Instagram. Are you on Instagram? Get out of here? If you haven't done so already be sure to download the Spotify app search for dead and buried on Spotify or browse podcast in the your library tab. Also, make sure to follow me and Pete so you never miss an episode of the dead and buried show. All right. We are back to talk some shit. That's right. I fucking did that joke twice talking about talking shit cuz we're talking about potty training. Oh you nailed it is this what's called a dad joke, would you say, you know what? I don't necessarily know what the definition of a dad joke is I think it's just like a Cheesy pun. Then concerning relations you just I don't you've just done for dad jokes in a row. They're lazy. I'm minor funny. Okay, good good call. Anyway, I don't consider my brand of humor. Dad jokes. I just consider it. Universally hilarious don't have to be a dad to say it or to enjoy you just have equal opportunity humor that he could I do equal opportunity who's equal and in the center, not you because you're far below me. Oh, okay. So what is set the record straight we get into potty training where talk a little bit about my weekend? You know why it was my son's ninth birthday. Hold on. Let me just throw up a quick you throw up. Yeah, because I don't want to hear about the story about a birthday party 9 year old birthday party. It's called my son as long as you didn't do it at your house. We did it at my house. As a matter of fact, why would anyone do that? So Mom and buried is frankly a talented party planner, okay. And over the years he's done a themed. It's like a thing. It's like an event a theme party. So she's done. We did some kind of generic superhero Thing Once at a different venue. We did like a railroad train shit. Once my kid was three kids love trains then conductor themed that was at a different venue. This is when we those that lemon was when we lived in Raleigh, we did the Yo Gabba Gabba one at the park. You came to that. There you go years ago and then we got back to Brooklyn. It was like fucking It's on right and she went nuts. We did a Harry Potter one. We did a Goonies one. Not a Goonies one a pirate one. But she wore a goonie sure. She loves that movie for the pirate one. The invitation was like a treasure map and she literally singed the corners of the invitation. So it looked like it was a burnt map. I hate how much time this is T. Oh my God. It's because of the amount of effort that's going on. Not this this story is also taking a long time. Yes, the amount of effort that's going into so much effort, right so I don't do To I don't have that much to do with these parties until like the weekend of the part. Yeah, and so the but this is consuming her entire week or two. Yeah. Good news is she's not stressed about it at all. That's what I ever. Yeah, because one of the fun party what if what a lark no, not since were yelling at each other at the end of the next morning like the morning of it. She's like screaming at me for not doing the shit. I'm like dude you fucking chill. Yeah, just chill and you know what? Those are the magic words that she just did the whole time. I'm the oh my God. My husband's women and wives love hearing. Oh my God, calm down relax. Now. I realize I should be chilling. So this year this year was Avengers and game-themed which basically meant so if you've seen the movie, there's a bunch of Infinity Stones that go on a glove and the Avengers all have to hunt them down. So she created a bunch of quests within the party that like competitions or whatever the kids had to do and after each one you get one of the Stones and all this shit. There's a glove and then at the end I put on a Thanos He's the bad guy in the movie Mask. And then everyone sprayed me with Silly String. Okay. I did not anticipate how much Silly String there would be like, I feel like it's like a spes toast in my lungs. I think there should be a high and I can call for help. It says from post Silly String. It's literally says made directly from us best. Do not inhale a fun time was had by all um, I was probably the Probably the least funny. Yeah, a lot of balloon inflation and a lot of clean up and set up and all this shit but I you know your kid only turns nine once hmm. He enjoyed it unless you have two kids in which case. Well, no your kid only turned 90 turns nine months than the other kid turns 9 as well and he had this other kid has gotten far fewer this party. So that's it. That's what it's like you're kind of over it by the second one is second one carry me much but also at the same time all of This elaborate I was thinking the same thing all the elaborate party that goes into your first child. That's not going to happen for number two. It's a lot of effort. I know it is very good because it's kind of my why you're going to be impressive course is super it's too much way too much. What you're going to end up doing is Hey, listen, I bought like themed plates and napkins and then a tablecloth and then you're like here you go. So the road of your we had this debate in a previous episode the day before we went to bounce you for somebody else's Party bouncy take taking care of everything self-contained. Tasty. Got me. Take care of the pizzas taking care of everything. I saw the bill because my friend showed me what he paid for it about the same. No, no, yes, probably three times as much you know, really? Yeah. Okay is 800 bucks. Yeah. That's a lot right for a two hours at bounce you yeah, I with tip. I thought it was okay because I think I think I've done it about see you and it's like six, but maybe I was missing a beating to cake because you don't like your daughter as much as he liked this definitely do I definitely like so I put up a poll on my thing because I'm like I had this one and then I have the one at my home. Like would you guys prefer in about 60 65 percent of people said at a venue is better, you know, it depends, you know, the money is does make a difference money is but the headache the money is big deal and but if you're talking about the difference between like well, I mean if you're talking about the difference between like a Under 50 bucks and you can get Fisher and people out the fuck out of your house. I agree someone else and these kids are around rampant around my house is hard to get everybody out is a lot. There's a lot. There's Silly String literally everywhere. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if when I go home and I can I use the toilet a little bit comes out. Okay, that was a segue into what tour talking about body training. I was good. That was actually you did like it. I caught you off guard. It was very professional talking about silly string and you know, Bowel movements as professional as it gets so I am in the in the middle of potty training by three and a half year old right now and it sucks. I'm not going to tell you that he is shit on the floor more than once but he has shit on the floor more than once not necessarily like I'm gonna take a shit on the floor more like, you know, we're not doing the diaper thing anymore. Here's your here's your underwear and then shit happens literally. Has he how many times has he successfully completed? He's mastered the patient. He's mastered the P because he's got that down. He will tell you when he has to go and bring them and all that shit. He only wears a diaper overnight now sometimes when he naps because you know when you nap you you're not really accountable for your actions. Yes. I said to my wife all need to nodding all the time. The Pooh ping is he's done. Few times it doesn't super resist that he does not enjoy being wiped and I'm like you and me both kid, you know, there's not a good time for me either but he's getting the hang of it. But like you never know for sure, right? That's the transition phase like when you're in the middle, right? When's it safe? Right? So I asked people give me your horror stories. Give me some funny anecdotes and give me some tips. Right and I got a lot of it and one of the one of the major themes there are two major. Other themes in terms of tips bribery / rewards which we do and basically cold turkey like No More Diapers either let the kid walk around naked or put underwear on them right Shame Shame. Well, actually the only shame reference I got was don't shame kids, but well, no, you didn't get that memo. No meaning. It's about feeling it's about the feeling of pooping on themselves or whatever going behind Adam and Eve in the 100 that comes up that comes up. Okay. Well, let's get into it. Then Mike you lead us to the Promised Land Of Promise Land. Alright, so first story we got comes from ali-frazier 921. My daughter was a nightmare to potty train. She got to the point where she'd hold it for hours on more than one occasion. She brought her to the doctor because she thought she gave herself a UTI. So she's not even talking about poop. She talking about pit poop took even more time and she would only go in or pull up. She specifically asked for a pull-up diaper to we're naked. No, that's what we meant. When we said pull up pull up diaper. You remember wearing them? Okay Rosie one right now. Okay Roseanne like the remember Roseanne said that she could remember like experiences in the womb. Shut the fuck up Rosanna. I don't remember. Well, why are you listening to Roseanne? What was this was ages ago? Okay. No. No unless she got cancelled. She done got cancelled. Yeah. She said rewards did not work on my stubbornness child. I had a princess dress hanging in front of the bathroom. And she said I don't give a fuck offered her candy suddenly. She hates candy ice cream. What do you do like the rewards thing for me? We have like Sweet Tarts, right? So like if you go P you get a sweet tart if you here's the big thing for us, if you ask right if I have to ask you and make you go no reward. If you're like, I have to go potty and neither were my kids start gaming the system and just every two seconds tell him he has to go potty just because he wants to get fuckin candy. You know, what economists would say, you really shit the bed I did. Well this is that what they would say? Yeah, because your dad a dad joke jerk, you know, you know what it's an insightful joke is that Little charmer 80 guess what she wrote another novel because that's what she does. I was told it will take a week so it would take a week. So I took a week off work and I'm like what you took a week off work to potty train. Let's that's commitment though. There's commitment but like how much vacation you getting what you do on vacation. I say what I trained my kid to shit in the toilet, you know, what time you know what Mike some people are different stress to their kids. Yeah, and some people aren't yeah exactly. So she said she took a week off work. To crack it when a kid was two and a half years old. She made a reward chart with stickers. Yes, you had drawings of toilets with smiley faces. She did not her kid did not give one iota of a fuck. Nope Little Tim Rainey got sick of hearing herself. Asking. Do you need a we do you need it? She she lives in England. Do you need a we do you need a poo on repeat? Anyway in the end her daycare basically trained her. That is that's it's called Capital has best case scenario. Yeah, right. What am I paying you for? You know what you just it's called punting it exactly the problem. You handle my kids shit. Oh you want my kids shit. Literally. Yeah, Mike no one needs to do that. That's gross. Well, I guess I shouldn't have said legal literally. Yeah exactly. Have you said figuratively have been it wouldn't work, but you don't have to say figuratively. So the best part about potty training is just make it someone else's problem. That's You should do that's the American. Well, that's why people get nannies just make all your kids something like any I wish that's why I wanted it is. Is there a Mary Poppins like movie? Where's all she's doing is just like covered in like feces just I don't think that that's the NC-17 version the scatological Mary Mary poopins fucking nailed it. Mary poopins. I can't believe it took us so long to come up with adalind. Did you not nail it? I fucking crushed it made everyone's far far stupider for Okay, we know we all know Billy Madison. Okay, Jesus Christ, and I'm the one who gets made makes fun of me for doing my back to school song. No, no one does. Okay. So am lavely said my kid was peeing Night Train before poop. He just wouldn't poop then one day the light bulb went off. And now he proudly announces I have to poop no matter where he is at all times kids are the worst. I like that and in fact, we might change the name of our podcast two kids are the worst that actually has a ring to it that does have a ring to it. It's not as ringy as dead and buried Which is borderline household name this point I would say the Border was in like Somewhere In the far North Pole area far North Yale area student of geography. No, I don't know anything. God damn it Kaylee Walker. So she did this. She left this comment in the dead and buried podcast Facebook group, please join. It's a fucking it's a fucking The Dead Zone up in there. There's 80 people. I forget to post might have to hire an admin. That's Post some shit up. Is it like The Walking Dead? I've never seen that film. I'm not a zombie guy. Really? I like the movie Zombieland. No, but that's mostly because of Emma Stone smokey eyes. I mean do it. Anyway, Kaylee Walker says everyone told me that girls are easier to potty train than boys Pete opinion. You have two girls and a boy the I would say that's not my experience Kaylee Walker says, it wasn't her experience either. It was difficult with both her daughter and her son. There's a point in potty training where it feels like it just might be Be easier to keep them in diapers. Oh, yeah, 100% said potty training is a great step. But until your kids start to wiping their own ass you as a parent are still a slave to their bath Elites. My nine-year-old just turned nine. Yep. Still getting used to that one. I swear to God I was wiping his ass until like last week and I think it was partially was Mind Games part of it was that he was just like I need to assert my dominance. So I'm just gonna call my dad anywhere my ass. Someone who I can do it myself. Yes, Woody clap exactly. He had a little Yeah, yeah swipe in time wipe my Jeeves why am I ass so I agree with that one of the know we're going to get into some of the ways potty training is kind of a double-edged sword later in this episode might have a five-year-old who unlike my daughters who are 9 and 11 almost 12. My daughters were much harder to train to do potty training than my son was Italy took to it immediately, but some of it is he is seen more people use the potty probably that could be the case. I don't actually it's still kind of boggles my mind because the first two were so hard it was it took a lot. I just remember it's kind of little bit further out for me but it is a long time ago. Yeah. I mean, I you know, what happens are you blocking out? I think yeah, but I think that happens with every kid you black out the baby stage a Glock at all that shit. Why would you ever have another? If you didn't black out, you know what they say Guantanamo Bay they say that what do they say be Convention of Geneva Convention says sleep deprivation of the form of torture. Whoever heard that you were fucking repetitive piece of shit. You said that I'm like Eight Episodes. You know what it is what it is. It's a form of torture. Thank you crushed. It can even see Anna Skye says her kids to so part of the way that I phrases was. I talked about how my kid won't poop in the potty. She says Sienna Sky says mine refused poopoo. Ooh in the potty too. She was going without a diaper just underwear, but would hold her poop. Yeah, right one day she was in excruciating pain. So her husband siena's husband took the daughter to the ER $1,200 later after x-rays. They determined that the daughter was literally full of shit my God, they recommended enemas. She hated them. Oh, she hated them shocking she hated them, but it was the only way to get her to go. Bit traumatizing for everyone involved which is good to go. Now elal. Everyone's like, oh remember that time that I had to give you an enema. Yeah lasted three months and he screamed and cried and yeah who remembers that you remember that everything's good to go. Now. She's great. You know what? I do. Remember though, my son was constipated one time. And yes, it got stuck. Okay. Yep. Yep, and I did it I had to go in there. I don't want to hear about this. I can't believe this is happening. I'm not in there but I just have to like and that in their I should hope not no, but Angela J. Gene says my daughter shit behind the giant teddy bear in her room like log on the floor. Oh my God. He trading is fun. She says isn't it log on the foot? And you know, what's funny is maybe you don't notice it right away, but then an hour or two smells really but then As human feces smell Nate. What do you think if you give it enough? Well, let me out of this log was she drinking the night before? Yeah lot of talking true. Yes Taki Taki, that's a lot worse than like like apples and pears kind of coming out apples and bananas. No one needs to hear that Jackie Westbrook on Facebook said potty training is like sex you can force it to happen if you're really desperate but to get the long-term Term results you want you just have to wait until your partner is ready. I love it. I keep whatever metaphor what Anna now whoa rate is a consent. You need to ask the poodle leave your body and if the poo is not ready, who are you to force it? Well, apparently Jackie because she says you're gonna force it down. So desperate XX Lexi loves pie x.x. God damn it. Oh, yeah. I had I so I spoke with her a little bit last week about the whole pie thing and how much she loves pie. She conceded. She also likes cake. Okay, so she's okay. I still don't understand that the poor no x's in the front and the back of her name. No offense about the porno think it was only two it's more. Yeah, right. It's not XXX, right but double X still it's getting there the connotation. She said after my son learn how to poop in the toilet. He didn't have the ability to control it. So it was an instant gotta poop down and fucking try to get him there. So she just started letting him poop in the bedroom trashcan rather than try to run out the door. Or so for about two weeks. He pooped in boxes and small trashcan. This is the most traumatizing episode of all time. You were just telling me you went in there on your kid. Yeah, but it's okay. I don't know he was on the on the toilet at the time and oh my God enough. I didn't need more details but pooping in boxes. This is this is next-level shit. Literally and I'm not being sarcastic. It was a not quite literal is not another level you in a box. No, that's that's pretty that's hardcore. Holy shit pop poopy. But how did he figure out how to poop in a box versus pooping imagine that was the end of seven instead of Gwyneth Paltrow said it was just for kids poop with my kids. I'd have been worse and then he goes like this God damn it. And then he turns the gun on himself M plow and plow Hooter all six one four said my son tries to stick his fingers in his but when he has 200 and smears poop. We're a whole can we just cancel this episode? Can we be done? Yeah, I'm not I'm no longer interested. That's not a real. That is that does that really happen MP Cohutta o61 forms the Danielle who was on our pre podcast live earlier said, it's MC Daniel 1980 says my three-year-old refuses to touch his wiener. So the p goes everywhere. He won't poop in his potty. What the fuck he'll be slick and wait until he's in his diaper. So when I first read that I thought thought when he was saying he'll be slick. He made like his butt was like wet or select he's but he's just he's being a cool. Yeah, ah person. We operate he puts it on and then he goes like this then there's a lot of noise and then all of a sudden silent you like wait where yeah, there's this kid a lot of kids behind the curtain. Yeah with his on the Kindle. I read but Matt Davis one of the things there's nothing better than looking at a tiny human dead II about this with a red face just like I told you about this last What's up, like my kid is hanging out next to my bed. I'm lying in bed my kids hanging out there and I suddenly look at him and he's doing that. I'm like are you pooping? He's like no like well, I really wish I could go back in time to before I could look at a child and know whether they were expelling feces from their bottom just but I can't because there's no such thing as time machines not yet. Yeah knock on wood dark and that's dark. I finished it. Finally. It's yeah, it's like he's into I'm looking forward to season 3 it. Testing the show has really changed. It's gotten so Shay Marette let her sum it up some up this section. She said fuck potty training. That is all that's all that needs to be said I got it sucks. It's not fun, but I will say so the person here who was it? You will say what was fun Sienna Sky said she's good to the the animal lady. She said it was a bit traumatized for everyone involved but she's good to go now Allah and that is what I will say and I think I said this in one of our previous episodes. So it's the odds like the odds that your kid is going to get to high school and not be potty trained are very slim. Maybe he's not potty trained by 6 and is problematic. In fact somebody sent in I didn't include this quote because I didn't feel the need to out this person, but they sent him they said that their kid is 12 or 13 Peas the bed and sometimes even shits himself. So like it doesn't necessarily go away, but I'm sure that's a rare occasion the peeing the bed whatever there's a lot of kids with pee the bed when they're a little bit older. Are ya sure that right? Yeah, right, but the Pete the pooling thing. I mean look there's one kid. I remember in seventh grade Junior High shit himself in some form or another and I still remember this incident. Honestly the fact that you're bringing this up on a podcast. I'm sure it's fine. There's no need for them to stigma not sleep for parents the odds of your kid not resolving this, you know at some point said are pretty pretty low. It's going to happen next. If you're out there how exactly if you're out there and you happen to like shit yourself and who cares if someone mentions his podcast thing as four years later I'm saying as a parent look maybe if your kid is shitting in box probably going to happen. There's an issue, but I'm sure they recovered. Okay. Well, so let me ask you this. Do you remember training your older kid? Yeah. I feel like it went pretty smoothly. I didn't have to do anything extreme to make it happen. Yeah, exactly. Like I am I definitely remember it took a lot longer with my daughters to get them to feel comfortable enough to go to the potty here. But my son, I don't know what the fuck happened but we showed him like once or twice is all set. I think I got this. Yeah, you know what he'll do in the morning he'll wake up and he'll come after bedroom. Yeah, but it'll be like or it'll be maybe in the middle of the night. He'll wake up and I'll come into our room. Maybe I'll just go and go pee and then home He'll come tell you but he won't need your help. No, no, he'll just ask on his way to the guys just a heads up. I gotta go take a leak. Just he just like informed. He's running door closes like us on peeing comes out. Okay, and then usually what happens is like 20 minutes later. He's like I gotta poop. Hold on. He's five. Yeah, he closes the door. Yeah big time. Good for him because I'm proud of you. You know, what he does do though, which is a what does he do Peezy super fucking dick move opens the door when you're in there. I'm fucking in here. No. Yeah. Did I every kid in the door? But we're gonna get into that in a minute. All right, let's go. So the a lot of people's I said earlier. There's a the two primary tips people gave were either bribe with Rewards or go cold turkey on the diapers and make them either be naked or wear underwear. So they get that they understand. What is what Consequences that right so we're gonna start with the bribery stuff relatable. Mom. Mom meme says bribe him with a candy of his choice in a new toy of his choice to go poop. Once I grab a little bit of candy. I'm not going to give this kid a fucking toy every time he uses the bathroom or else. I mean, that's a Sticky Wicket write your fucking fucked soon as I mean, he's gonna have so many goddamn toys. We already have too many cm how 106 says I do the sticker chart goals are Charters. The goal is to get stickers do that full sticker bar is fun activities. Laughs that's you doing where's the potty training doing activities and crafts? No, no. No, but instead of doing so instead of rewarding every single time, they either yeah, or they have to achieve something right hit some kind of Milestone. Yeah, like you've tried three times. So here she goes she goes current goal is going potty three times a day with one poo you get a sticker. Her three-year-old is loving it and her two-year-old is catching on great to this. I say, I don't understand liking stickers gives a shit about stickers. So 21st century. Seen kids it's called gamifying digitizer shit. I'm just saying kids are stupid for liking stickers. Okay, and your dad married a Danbury duck. Yeah at me children who like stickers which mean you like stickers as an adult. No, but fucking exactly of course, you don't not exactly you literally just said why do kids like stickers and then you just said as an adult you like stickers you but I think it's stupid the kids like stickers you're mixed up. No, but you can agree that stickers are stupid, right? I don't think I wouldn't say there's stupid. What are you pointing? Oh the sticker the data. Some Danbury stickers from now we're going to chop that spreadshirt that calm these are special for I'm sorry. You can't get those motherfuckers shit out of luck coming your way somos mob Jack Mary says Skittles are M&M's as reward for going pooping party, which is what we do. We have Sweet Tarts or a little candies where if you initiate the process that's right. I said it again fucking process you get a candy. If you go poop you get a couple extra candies, whatever. Do you remember when devising? Your reward yourself. No, I found out I needed like you know what? I mean now with candy here I go. Yeah. Yeah questions constantly and I'm going to have this coffee in two eggs and a bacon and bacon. I'm Connor one says I tried just about everything under the sun to bribe. My toddler. We had weeks of battles and one day. I told him he could have anything he wanted if he just tried for a whole day lo and behold he acquiesced side note acquiesce by Oasis one of their best songs. FYI a B-side mastering peeing in just a couple of days and when it came time for his gift, she was worried. He's gonna have to buy like some $50 thinking they I want to trash Grabber. It's he ended up wanting a 299 trash grammar words, like one of those it's one of those like things with hands like a long basically. I don't even know how to describe our tick. Is it the articulator one? Yeah, you just push the it's a long pole take a back scratcher, but it's got a grass be claw on the end of it. But a trash Grabber looks sounds very specific like the ones that people actually picture Shop with Spike like a chain gang has to use a spike like the like the three the kind of hooked. That's like a trash bag our yeah versus a hand that's like you can kind of you know, there are many things that I would like to know exactly a saint. Anyway, Brian such says my for your roommate did not like my four-year-old will poop in the potty once every four to six weeks. Holy shit. We make a big deal of it every time and think we've turned a corner. ER and then nothing for weeks again, he will hold it in four days and then poop in a diaper in his sleep. What the fuck that's crazy. Like these kids are diabolical right like in his sleep. He'll be like I'm holding it in and then somehow lets it loose in the diaper when he's asleep. Okay. Oh and there is nothing grocer waking up in the morning and cleaning a diaper that he's been sleeping in and having shit yourself. No, there is nothing grosser than you would know. She yeah then Gina. Too many talkies. Don't forget all that alcohol changing a like a toddler's diaper. There are plenty of things grosser than changing a tablet iPod lers diaper waging an elderly man's diaper. I'm gonna guess really shy was easy. It's very lucky really retrieving underscore. I really mean that's like you should just change your fucking name to retrieving underscore because Die in order to tell people what your name is, you have to say retrieving underscore. So just change it. What's the difference to retrieving underscore? You mean? Spell it out? Spell it the fuck out. Anyway, she's loyal appreciate your comments. Not anymore. She she said I got a shit ton of snacks and I told him if he goes he can have whatever he wants. We also use quarters because kids are dumb. So we tell them it's a dollar and I'll get two dollars every poops. But guess what? You're only getting 50 cents. I got a coder today that looked like it had poop on it. And because you pooped someone give you a quarter of poop on it was really gross and I should have said something but I didn't SF Harris one says small jar and let him pick out candy to fill it with when I first saw a small jar. I was like, I don't want to talk about shitting in a small jar lady the grossest now. I'm getting you know, we talked about boxes already. I'm not into this but no she was saying get a small jar and let him fill it with the candy. He wants and then if he sits he gets one if he poops he gets a handful just sort of what we do Silo. I think that but you just said it right there, I think like getting the action of them. Yeah excited about just even sitting on the yes potty is but like I said my kids I don't want to give any actual advice. Well, should that happen? That's really the goal is just to get them used to the habit of it. Yeah and to not be intimidated by it. So Shiloh Mason says we use bribery with zero shame. That's how he could sum up my entire parenting philosophy bribery with zero shame that and threats for p we give either to chocolate chocolate chips or too many marshmallows now that is Small Stakes the other thing you can do chocolate chips. If I was that kid, I'd be like fuck. No, I want like 20 of those chocolate chips is a tiny. Yeah, you wouldn't be part of this family one trick that I've know that really works is if you stand in front of your toddler with your arms crossed and did you go yet. Did you find yourself? Yeah. Yeah. You keep checking your phone. Again. Jesus Christ. It's been 4 minutes checking your phone your timing or you're just like check your browsing and then all of a sudden every once in a while, you're like gee, how about now? Now you come out now you hear me now come on and then just be like this. Let's go with the poopie in the BP and you point at their private parts. None of that works you piece of shit Stanford mommy buy a big container of cars or whatever in rap individually bribery all the way what she said container of called like a little hot we get one of those huge. Is where there's like a Lexus with a bow on it. I know and I wrote a meme once where I said just once I want to see one of those bows, I want to see a commercial where one of those bows is the trip wire to a bomb. It's guess it's obnoxious. How many people do you know that I've ever given a car with a fucking bow on it zero I'm gonna get zero. This is zero tripwires fucking joking about the fact that it's an absurd premise and someone who's doing that bring down the 1 percent is the whole point. Okay, Nicole because you're just so pissed off that someone would give a coach Caldwell. Inequality and it's a real fucking problem and it's getting worse every day. How about that fact that on the potty training episode did you Surprise Police and is 20/20. Anyway, that's our to 500 episodes that I'm actually probably Pro Elizabeth Warren at this point. All right, find out check your kids to the door says my daughter learned to pee in about four days, but pooping took nine months. They bribed her with going to Disney World. What the fuck? He said it work fucking expensive though. You think going to Disney World was expensive? Of the bribery needs to stop at a certain point that's worse than a than a truck full of real cars guys. There is nowhere near as bad but sticker chart, then you hire a bunch of stolen cars out of Newark New Jersey. You have hair stolen car you buy it. It has to go through Qatar. Of course first heart comes back. Saw that in Fast and Furious. Then you say look, this is a Honda, you know, it's a Honda you a big fast and furious guy. I'm the we seen any of them smallest. Nate Fast and Furious guys, they're fun. So something is more boring. The one where Paul Walker died during filming said seven is that seven? I watched this some of the stunts in those things are so ridiculous. Anyway, I watched that one twice and both times because when I watching movies like that, I'm fucking pounding beers because it's a frivolous movie who cares both of my verses in the turtleneck and glasses that you go and see now there are moves that I take more seriously that I pay attention. And then there's an action movie where I'm just like I saw tears I saw first time I saw John Wick to the second time. I saw him like I've never seen this before because I was so drunk the first time I had no idea what had happened. No, I saw the hot the Tarantino movie The Hollow I did too high five. Yeah, it's you didn't like it. Oh, you're such a fucking here's the deal if your character is the exact same in the beginning as they are in the end. It's not really it's not very first of all, it's a fucking fairy tale and the point is put on at the end how often to characters fucking evolved in fairy tales except for Cinderelly. A fucking this is called Rule has movies great. Anyway, I don't even remember we're talking about I passed out of this watching Fast Furious 7. I pass out of the same point both times. I watched it. I think it's during the skyscrapers. Is that that movie where the but they did Lamar's guys great race the cars and then one car goes from one to another building. That sounds like a great movie. Hmm. Oh my God, you are the biggest snob in the world. You know what? That's right and that's accurate to be at that point to have cars. Being between building obviously not accurate, but guess what Superman can't fucking fly either. It doesn't mean the movie is bad because something stupid have insert happens and you seen the Superman where he gets a bullet in his eye and the yes, I have it stinks Superman Returns. That was really the movie stinks with Kevin Spacey. It's not the worst one Batman vs. Superman is the worst one. They fucking desecrated the goddamn character know what that's not the worst one. The worst one was Batman and Robin, but that's weird Superman though. Case closed anyway, so now we're gonna get into some honestly. It's just Caitlin plastisol Vitus. I fucking nailed that name Caitlin plastisol Vitus. You're welcome Caitlin. Well trust your name her name my God Caitlin practice. If itís I'm just saying that like it rolls off the goddamn tongue. I'm fluent in Plastics of itís I can't wait to see if I can mentions you pronounce that wrong. I just did it five times in a row. She said she put the iPad on the back of the toilet and have them sit backwards Game Changer. Whoa Green Time solves everything. There's a Except for their melted brain and they're they're very their affinity for violence. However time have the iPad on the couch. It's a vac uation time. So Alana Barry said her daughters would resist and grab their butts and it's just they didn't have to go. I think she was saying like, I don't know if they were grabbing a bunch of they're afraid or because when they started a need to go there and grab their butts like shaking your right. She said then she started letting them sit on the toilet with an iPad and it basically it made the process less intimidating, right? It's more comforting Berkshire Love. Letter says it happens pretty quickly when they're ready. Just don't buy any more diapers and don't leave the house for a few days not willing to do that. No, you will do basic question or my house or to take a week off of work like little charmer 80. Guess what you just kids know the I have a life to live. There's there's a industrial-strength like wee-wee pad that you can get out. So we weep at yeah for better at night. Yeah, he pan wee-wee pad. Don't call it that or whatever it's called. It's a doesn't matter. It's I think that's literally what it's called. It's actually for adults but it's adults. Yeah adults adults and adults is much worse than process. Let's go to the videotape. You're much worse adults in this whole barely an add-on that all edible Mom memes his back, right and she says everyone should tell the kid that they poop on the potty and then my response was he fucking knows he watches me poop every time whether I want them to or not he comes in there he comes in there. Today he comes in there and he's like, oh, I love when you give me hugs. Okay, but are you not like get the fuck out? I'm gonna get the fuck out. I've given the back of my hand. Let's get the fuck out of here you pervert or you like. Oh give me this is great. Let's totals by Daddy. What's matter? What am I going to go to the ground? My fucking smells like flowers? Why can't you why can't you just say I lock the door and then it results in him is like a horror movie and he's just fucking trying to get it back one rattling. You're fine. No nine years. Your wife Daniel your wife or to get in there. What if my wife's already in there with me? Of course how we do Russian warplane? He says we literally got all his grandparents and aunts and uncles and siblings to tell them that they go potty to we got a book about animals that poop. Which animals are those every fucking one. How about that and we read it to him on the toilet in case you didn't know all animals poop. They do Nate. No, that's not about animals. Well, I guess humans are animals. It's Everyone Poops. You filthy animals. It's an addendum. She said we found shows that talk about it. We bribe him with chocolate and a new toy and we wouldn't take him for walks around the house, but then he ended up constipated. So don't do that. So a lot of good tips until the last one don't do the last one because because they get so nervous about shitting themselves that they hold it in and then all of a sudden you're given the Animas also don't say are you going now? What about now? How about now? How about we went through this already P, but I'm just saying that actually also makes million courts. Tianna says get him a little potty and let him use the He with you know, how about that? No, you shouldn't want this to be a fucking communal. This isn't prison. We're not sitting next to each other and shitting would you say it's not prison? What kind of prison are you talking about? Like a prison of the Mind prison of the home? It's all prisoners feeling and a pig feel like talking about a literal president. I feel like it Leavenworth perhaps T. Prison e around the Night Comes mrs. Chelsea. ER says start with peeing outside get them used to the feeling of what getting arrested what? But feeling indecent exposure, wait what so hold on. Somebody else said this sad side. All somebody else said well then goddamn it. Yeah, you can't do that in the city. Hold on. I want to find this fucking this quote where we've me you can't do it. I can't find I can ever find these things in time. But what I'm actually if you get really good at going potty you can do it in the city, but you got to be really slammed. I have a very small bladder. And weak weak mind. Yeah, right. So once I get it in my head that I have to urinate both of those I can't stop thinking about it. So if I'm going to the movies, I will pee when I get to the movie and then I'll go in and I'll sit down and then the previews will start and then when the previous are ending if I've seen the preview because I like to see previews if I've seen the preview which is more often these days because of YouTube. I will run out even if I don't have to pee it's in my head that I may have to be during the movie you'll just Sit on the table won't drink beer or coffee before a movie because I know it will make me make me have to go to the bathroom. There's also an app called The Run P you can get and it tells you the good P breaks during movies. It's very handy Carson Palmer former NFL quarterback his brother created that app. Isn't that weird. Anyway, we're sending the hive says keep them naked from the waist down all day every day until they get it. That's just so much. It's such a And it's like you're playing Russian roulette with your kids asshole. Then the naked part is the toughest because it's like at least they can wet their pants and you can put it in the wash and you can or whatever memory Tapia says never used diapers. Once you start they need to feel uncomfortable. However, it's a goddamn Nightmare and prepare to have everything shot Pete upon. I do not want I'm not making that trade-off. I don't want my furniture to get shit on there are other ways to do this. I do feel like the reward is Tony. Yes, because if pee and poo or like running down your legs and stuff, it's been gross because shame yeah you what you want to do is shame your children into submission break them mentally so they can never function properly as adult. Right right Tony. I led of kill you. I don't know Tony I leak Tony Tio and I ilec says let him shitness pants a couple of time and it will make him hella. Here you go the same thing again. Just like make them feel like crap. Literally that alone will help him to use the potty her husband brings the boys in with him so that they know that's what's happening. And that's how it works trial and error trial and error is clearly a way that works, but it's so dicey, right? This is where you get you get shit on your floor you're wiping up shit. She said she barely does rewards other than high fives in good jobs because they are lazy cheap parents, aren't we all Tony? Thank you. La bruja La bruja get guatita. No idea. I may be in some La bruja credit assault. My son took months to potty train after he after him my daughter was easy because we put underwear on her and let her poo and pee herself. It worked don't cave and put a diaper on just let them figure out that there's no more fucking diapers. Guess what just fucking sit in it the longer they sit in it. What do you think breaks them down? Mentally? Yeah, and so you have Your three-year-old in under way, right? And that's working. Yeah, we do want to wear more often than not. Yeah, but you I will say you're shocked at at how rarely they actually shit themselves. It happens once or twice and then they get the hang of it pretty quickly. Right but it is nerve racking to be like, all right, because you want to fall in the Trap of saying okay. We're going out somewhere. I'm put a diaper on me because I don't want to find deal with it. And if you do that that just like it you need the consistency or else your fucking shooting yourself in the foot, but the bedtime And nap time. I think you need to because you can't control yourself at those points. Feli Devi who lives in Park Slope. Brooklyn says the doctor told me to stop making him comfortable when I change his diaper. Don't do it on the couch or when he's watching TV lay him on the bathroom floor and then make him flush his own pool if he has anything because why would you want to not flap this full service? If you're lying on the couch watching TV and somebody's coming over and fucking changing you up and wiping you down. Why would you ever want to change? That's the life? It's bathroom for getting the fucking bathroom food. Shit fucking poop. So we got nine. I underscore see underscore. Rho L says marshmallows every time he tried to sit screen time during the pooping. He would sit there forever. As long as he had the iPad in his hand just as hfmd, which I assume she's saying hand foot and mouth disease which forced them to stay home for a week and all they did was sit on the toilet. That sounds like a good time that's good and then cold turkey and the diapers you'll finally started putting him in underwear anytime. We left the house and he didn't have an accident once because the fear Yeah is so much Karis Chapman? Apparently they make kids laxatives pop them a pill. Whoa. She says it didn't give him diarrhea just gave him the urgency to go. Oh, I don't know, huh? That sounds that sounds yeah, I guess I guess stool softener. That's like a risky way to get does all of this sounds risky, right then Stanford. Mommy comes back says leahey care do the travel giving your kid? Yeah, but like I could run around naked in your house and all that shit. That's risky, but giving you kids a diuretic is Holy shit, so some random shit here. So Freddy Freddy Heather cook again on the Facebook group. She's one of the 80 people says resistance being is a thing when your kid is mad at you and pees on purpose. Then you're trying to figure out if they're an asshole or just like using this against you on purpose. Yeah, and then all of a sudden 600 they are they are an asshole, Texas Margaret says one of her twins is your thing would hide behind a couch to poop. Yep, and she's like, well if you're aware enough to hide your where enough to use the potty, but what ultimately worked for her was when she made herself clean herself up all you put Pants. Guess what now? You got to clean yourself and your pants. Well, you don't like it. Guess what? I don't fucking like it either. There you go. That's actually a mom very complain because the other day my kid, so he changed self. He asked to go potty graduations. You played yourself now go change damn, right? It should be a song my kid asked to go potty. He took a shit. I was fucking high five and left and right and then he said he was done and I listened to him like an idiot prematurely put underwear on him. And then he promptly he hadn't been done yet. He just didn't want to still do it. His underwear, and then I throw them in the sink and I'm trying to rinse them out and they just left them in the sink at mom. Barry wasn't happy about. Oh my God. Wait, that shit was awesome. They don't get arrested. Okay bathroom sink. It's better the tub. Come on guys. Is it? Yeah, but see my tub. It's fucking pristine Chrissy underscore Hodgins 74 said her kid, here it is. What is referencing earlier kid would not be inside. He would run out of his room down the stairs and outside to pee on the tree in the front lawn. Wow, but he's gone to college without diapers. Yes, so success. This is what I'm saying your kid no matter how fucking weird their potty habits are unless they end up being Dahmer, although I don't know Dahmer had weird party habits. I'm sure there's a serial killer or two at some weird party at all. Unless you're raising a serial killer which condolences. Yeah your kids probably gonna be fine. Right you'll figure it out. This is my biggest fear. So here's the last section the post potty training backfires. This is my thing your kid gets potty-trained, which is great. Right suddenly. They can go to school and you don't have to worry about them shitting. Randomly and they have more control but you have less control right now your kid is out there. He doesn't have a diaper and if he feels like he has to go potty you need to get them to a bathroom stat. We take a lot of road trips like driving to North Carolina to visit family and all that stuff if they're not wearing a diaper you have to stop at the rest stop every fucking two seconds. The kid thinks he has to pee. Yeah, you guys bring like a portable potty sometimes. Yeah. We will we do the yeah the we used to actually that's true. We would do they have this like porta potty or potty. That like folds up and instead of got a bag and you can pee in it and it's for the park and a bunch of people have it and it's also like a seat for the toilet. Yeah or cephas. Okay Lee Walker who I mentioned earlier said this thing. She said potty training is a great step. But until your kid starts wiping their own ass, you're still asleep their bathrooms. It's a nightmare car ride sleeping. You got to put a diaper on them kissling 5 says when I was potty training my oldest we had to go on a car trip about three hours away instead of stopping 1600 times. I'm like, I'm putting a diaper on this kitchen of the deal with that. But that backfired because the kid was like I'm not peeing no diaper. I'm a big girl Big Girls Don't Pee Pee and diapers. Guess what Big Girls Don't say pee pee either. He just played yourself. Yeah that back right exotic girls. Don't say absolutely she has to say they still have to stop every rest stop. Right? So she tried to get around with a diaper still had to stop every I remember when we that brings back. We had our kids in diapers going on car rides and that same resistance to want. - yeah, but then eventually we're like here's a no, we're not stopping. So once you start to get potty-trained, you don't want it sensation of feeling it in your diaper. It's weird to wear a sack of urine on your job, but I actually found once you do it like once or twice it feels great and have you ever have you ever been on a road trip and not wanted to pull over yourself and reached behind you and grab a diaper and pull down your pants up in the dimer. Hold on me neither. All right. So Sonja Colorado are not I'm not a NASA astronaut exactly. That's a movie that's coming out. Now. We Portman is made a movie in this story about the woman who was like assess and wore diapers diapers aren't in the movie Loosely based. Yeah, that's the best part about the whole camera the name of it, but it's called should be called diaper store coming out this fall. I believe Oscar Contender. Anyway, Sonia Colorado art mom a loyal listener and and commenter said she was bathing his babysitting a four-year-old once he had just spent potty training was in newly and big kid underwear. He was newly in big kid underwear. I was constantly asking him to go but he wanted to play hide and seek she found him in the closet and opened the door abruptly and yelled found you and it literally scared the shit out of him at first. He laughed that he started crying he got mad and said you made me poop my pants. She still tells this kid that story assuming I assume he's like nine or ten now. Well, you know what? Maybe I just won't wear other people's skin is a mask when you say I found you. Yeah. Yeah, maybe don't scare me to death, but she says she his parents when he got home who were the See from their night out love that Journey were dying laughing. That's so sweet. It's very heartwarming. I want because Sonia had to clean up this four year olds poop. And then the parents were laughing little Tremor 80 who I said earlier submitted a novel like she does every week love your contributions little Tremor ready. Yeah, like she's from Nottingham which I thought was made up like Sherwood Forest. I don't think either the mermaid up know both of them are actual real places Robin Hood prince of Thieves. That's Nottingham not Nottingham Nottingham. Oh go back to England. Jerk. Great. She says she used to carry one of those parties with her but her daughter never wanted to use it only would use a real toilet except one time. They were in a cafe and her daughter got the potty out without her realizing it sat down and took a shit right there. Pooping under the table while people were enjoying their lung God. That's absolutely no what's interesting though kids shit. No isn't always smell know it baby shit have a shit-ton sure infant shit because nobody's beers in fitted hat. How many copies know once you get to that like real food? Yeah went to start getting real shit gets it's jarring, but we can go from like the baby the toddler stage and all of a sudden it's like real and you're like, whoa the other day my toddler went I told you my Tyler went poop and I was like a big deal and then Hannah pooping in his he wasn't done sweep in his in his undies, but before that take a peek, man, Mike. My nine-year-old runs in to see and I congratulate his little brother looks in the toilet goes how it's smooth at the little log. Yeah. Well also I didn't realize what after our first that because I was so used to those pucks, you know when you change the diaper and I'm used to like them out of mustard. Yeah, I bet you are. All right, so I think we covered everything on that right? If you could got it. I think we got it feels like we did get an eight. We anymore makes it starts throwing up three times during this whole episode. We should be kissing the pocket. But before we do we wanted to so that we're going to start at the end of the podcast the new sections was going to going using right now. So what's it going to be a new section better up about it that reduced of all the same. Give me a Oasis songs like acquiesce. What's the story one morning glory? We should totally pay for that hurdle. We should like we should like to that it probably would be pretty cheap. Yeah, so, okay, so we had a couple of comments from people on YouTube about our last handful of episodes. Yeah. So this is our last episode was favorite having a favor kid. If you haven't listened to it, give it a Gina Cox said, how do you pick a favorite if you and your husband each have a child but none together. It's a good comparison between Angel and Demon. So that must be interesting. So right you love your kid better because other people's children are always worse and your spouse loves their kid better because other people's children are always worse then how do you choose a favorite? Your favorite is always going to be yours, but then you're like, I can't like just choose the biological one. Well what happens if you're actually like I want that one, which is like not mine. I want the other one you better hope the spouse wants yours or else you're gonna have who cares? You know what then you're both love and you get the black. Fill in the other kid is probably that so super villains are born. Hope that was helpful Gina. Yeah. So Sarah ganot you think Kitty 100% agrees. That fruit should not be in desert or with me. This is why you said Sarah thing really dumb I said get fucking fruit paste desserts out of here and I said don't wrap cantaloupe and prosciutto keep them separate segregation make you have America great again, you're all about segregation. She says it also shouldn't she says she's going to take that a step further. It shouldn't be on Pizza. I hate warm fruit won't do it. I don't think that's a step further. I think that's a step in the right direction. Yeah. Nobody likes fruit on Petes except Hawaiians fruit and actually the Brits they love the Hawaiians and Ethel Britt's not apple and then she said but they're in and then it can this is a response to the fact that I said fuck pie not like American not like Jason Biggs fuck pie, like like get your pie out of here. I'm not interested. She said but there are chocolate pies. French silk or the one of the local pie shop here called the Dual of silk with chocolate and peanut butter amazing good chocolate pie is way better than cake. I'm not gonna debate Sarah now I'm chocolate pie is good. Okay, so now we're all just wanting chocolate pie this chocolate pies. Yeah, and also coconut. I love a good coconut cake. What do they make coconut pie? I'm sure I had a friend one of my old I'm just saying coconut is fruit, but I love coconut more nut, isn't it? And you love it not is it more not? Yeah, I love some nut. Allergic to Coconut supposedly, but supposedly but I don't think so. When you told Todd I shove some in his face. Yeah luck of the draw. He's a bitch and he started frothing and you like stuff it out son EpiPen in the shit out of him. I love a good chocolate pie. I had a friend whose mom made key lime pie key lime pies fucking with a thick chocolate crust made all the difference in the world you throw some chocolate in your fruit and your pie. Guess what? I'm in you I'm back. In you don't like chocolate strawberries or chuckling. No, I do but about chocolate raisins. No fuck raisins chocolate covered raisins raisinettes can go to hell so I can goobers for that matter. Can they go to the Hell in the same way that like Patrick Swayze and ghost or the demon. That's just lazy. Does he go to hell because he's a good person what Tony Goldwyn right Shadow. I'm like eating like chocolate-covered raisins. That's all should happen to you immediately. Okay, Kari W says, I feel that a true favorite doesn't vary from day to day or so. She's saying We are hedging about this favorite thing. She's like I have a consistent number one. This is my real favorite. It's not a day-to-day thing that a phase thing I legitimately prefer one kid. She said out of three. My son is the baby has a Swedish personality is super attached to me is agreeable and the only boy I didn't even know if I'd like having a boy but he's a total mama's boy and I love it. Yep, you know, who's not a daddy's boy either of my kids? Yeah. It's one of the reasons I wanted a daughter because I wanted to be somebody's favorite didn't work out that way son is I have found myself more and more just kind of appreciating having a young kid. Hmm. And then like today it's one of us. Yep, and then like today when I come home and both my kids are crying because he scratched the shit out of my middle daughter and they're both like he is talents. No pretty good. Now, they're like wrestling. You know, I'm like dude what the fuck and then he comes up. He's trying to be funny. I'm like, it's not funny. You know what? I'm not having it. No, you know what food, I you know, you lost it. He lost his privilege. You go. Now I am now picking a new favorite. I said to him MK sting. That's what that meant. I'm pretty sure is Mary Williams who I called out last week and said she doesn't comment much anymore. Then. She's like wait, I'm MK stiff and I'm like, oh you do comment. I just didn't realize she said it's a drunk Saturday night and I just realized why my son is my favorite confession time. It's because my daughter is never let me sing to her. My son. Always let me sing to him sing him to sleep as a baby toddler. My daughter always resisted her son is now 13 and her daughter is six also. My son is an angel to my daughter is a little shit that may come down more to you that maybe more of the Crux of the problem. Yeah. Your daughter is a little misleading thing. Is neither here nor there. My toddler gets mad at me when I sing the hymn know you singing. What do you think I fucking sing? I don't know somebody comes on I sing. I'll sing my fucking back to school song. Shut up Nate. I don't actually do that in Delight. I'll sing indifference by Pearl Jam. I used to sing him to sleep with that but here it nope. Wynne said I would have to say the fourth childhood open just think that's real fucking of course not I would have to say the fourth child that decide that I decided not to have is my favorite now kid exists in my mind as a perfect delightful Angel and if imaginary children don't count that I would have to say the oldest was 22 and does none of the things that make me wallow in regret and drink. First of all Imaginary Kids do count think the only ones worth being favorites the wonderful Flawless after you come home and both your kids are in hysterical tears and they're both wrong. Yep that you're like and then you immediately think of I don't know. Who should we say? Just your other kid this Davao Gustavo who never had Greg with 3 G's Greg with two G's 3 G's GRE Gigi. GRE Gregory to Jesus about second normal worry buddy, Greg not even a joke. No, it's not Greg. We already jeez is the normal heat or GRE GG Nate? Alright. So the last comment we have is actually from an episode previous to that the then versus now parenting than versus parenting now, this is good we get this is really just Christian somebody kissing our ass. No, not really not really. This is not a brothel getting close shut up. All right, my turn to shut up Christina bras. It says I love your podcast. I listened to everyone. Thank you, Chris. No, she says she listens to every podcast ever. This is the everyone. Yeah. Yeah. She loves everyone fighting it. I have to say on this topic that and I because we talk about discipline and Ireland. It's illegal to hit your kid in any fashion. So I guess that says a lot about child discipline does it or does it say a lot about Ireland? Yeah too soft on child crime. Yeah. Classic, Ireland another case of a criminal Mastermind of the case of beer knowing Ireland. Oh my God, if you haven't or automatically just turned off like instinctually just hit pause or stop. I don't understand what's wrong with you because that was the worst ending to any podcast much difference. Does it make you don't say I swallow poison until I grow him you I'm embarrassing myself. It's so hot the recording Nate. All right, thank you. Everybody. Hang myself. Please. Remember if you didn't hate this podcast. You didn't hate this pot. Just remember that we're able you can support us with your words or your wallet your work. You were very impressed that turn of phrase last week. I couldn't The mini-vac came out of your mind, you know what that's called the to double use alliteration fucking nailed it look at us fucking fist bump. All right, go to Apple podcast. Give us a from Five Star reviews 10 star ratings start rolling into and some reviews. We need more of those. We want to be new and notable. We're not want to be we want to be old and notable. I just want to be noticed. I know I know you do but we really appreciate it. We love doing this. Hey tree on YouTube comments. So we will see you next. We won't see you because that's not how internet where you'll see us next time. You'll listen to us. Hopefully Focus up. It's a podcast.
Potty training has to be the best part of parenting. It has a little bit of everything, crying, shouting, lying - all things you'll do to get out of training your kid to use the potty. So, are you are "shamer" (let them make a mess and deal with the consequences) or a "briber" (find the kids weakness, eg Pokemon, and use it against them #classic)? Mike and Pete share listener stories along their own. It's all bad. 