Welcome to the Decades of strength podcast. We are Sam Marcy Sarah and Kim and we are for women on one Mission. We are obsessed with empowering women to gain confidence build strength and ditch feelings of unworthiness releasing the shame around your struggles is hard work, especially if you feel alone and so we wanted to create this podcast as a way to unite women of all ages from allocations.Is all sizes and shapes and really just want to invite you to sit at our table come as you are health and fitness is for everybody and we're here to remind you that you belong you matter. You are brave you are capable you are deserving of success maybe right now, you don't truly believe those things and that's okay when we first got started we didn't either but we promise that each episode. We will show up vulnerably we want you to realize your potential. And the truth of who you really are. We will help you step into success and acknowledge that the power already lies within you. If you love this podcast, Please Subscribe review and read it on iTunes and tigers in your service on Instagram. Send this to your friends, please please please just tell everyone about it. We are determined to have the biggest and the most inclusive community of women sitting at the picnic table together. And welcome back to another episode of the Decades of strength and with me today. I have my I've got to say for beautiful co-host that would be including needing it. I mean my three beautiful co-host. How are we all laid is wonderful for Samantha is going for the red Indian. I kind of thought maybe we should up maybe she'll have sounds at the beginning of this rather than saying hello. Answer in today's episode. We are actually going to be addressing. I guess I kind of controversial topic. I would say I'm in it. We're going to kind of start talking into the Realms of like plastic surgery beauty treatments and like basically anything that takes you away from your natural state. I'm going to put it and we're going to have a chat about our views on it what we have personally. Experience have done ourselves. I'm on the motivation and reasons behind that. So, I mean I will dig in first so to speak and I in my own experience have had my boobs increased in size and I had that done around for years ago. I think now and it's been kind of interesting for me in recent times. I've been kind of thinking about my own motivation into it in that at the time I would have totally sworn that it was nothing to do with trying to find happiness that I was 100% doing it all for the right reasons, but in recent times, I've been kind of questioning that a little bit and maybe we were talking to that a little bit more as we move through but ladies, where are we all standing with what? It's your personal experience of any kind of like it doesn't need to be anything as dramatic as I'll stick surgery. But anything that you kind of have had done or you know over the years of your life Samantha, let's go with you first. Okay, so I guess in terms of body modifications. I'm I'm very I think I would say I'm very late to the game. I feel like I'm a modification virgin innocence and I think it's because like just growing up I grew up in like a very conservative like Catholic home and so like it was just like I never Dyed my hair. I never did anything to make myself look better and I think growing up. I just never like I wasn't exposed to that stuff. So I didn't even know that like that was a normal thing that people did and I remember like when I got to college and I found out that people all I got my eyelashes done really I get my eyebrows threaded. I'm like what's threading and I'm like waxing what the hell's a Brazilian like all All those things, you know, and then you start like being more exposed and I think you know to be honest like the first real thing I've ever done for myself was I got eyelash extensions in this was a few years ago. And that was like be like I felt like the most glamorous female in the entire world. I'm like, who am I can anyone see my fluttery lashes? Like it was it was the most amazing thing I was Too much upkeep and I was sick of sleeping on my back all the time. So I but it was this revolution for me because I'm like, oh my God, I could feel prettier and I hadn't ever really thought about what that would be like because I had never really dabbled too much of makeup or like beauty or any of that stuff. So my first experience is the fake lashes and and then I dyed my hair for the first time like a year ago, just go Crazy and then I guess now the only thing that I have that's not authentic to me is or an authentic but like nothing I've been really doing in terms of beauty is the facial stuff. There's spending a lot of time on my face care and that has been a huge game changer for me because I always thought like I would just have bad skin forever. But yeah, so that's that's kind of my naive experience now, that's good. And it also kind of brings up. Interesting question as to how people categorize and kind of like the beauty modification side of things. So, you know, we have obviously the extreme people who would swear to God that having any kind of beauty treatment including using makeup would be something that you shouldn't do and then you've got other people that would say like probably more where I stand where I would say, you know, it's kind of down to the down to the person but yeah really interested in that that was kind of your experience. It's Kim. Okay. Well, let me put this out here. You will never find me doing any kind of plastic surgery and it's not because I think it's a there's anything wrong with it. It's because surgery terrifies me and if I ever like need some kind of life-saving treatment, I'm going to need like a psychiatrist with me to help talk me through like literally going under the knife. So there's that. I I will not be getting a boob job, but I will say this is something I've given a lot of thought to like, why do Do the things that I do to my body and for what purpose do I do them what feels and I'm putting this in the air quotes what feels acceptable and authentic to me and why versus what doesn't and earlier this year. I finally decided to get hair extensions. And when I did it, I knew for sure. I was going to talk about it on like publicly because you know, I have a very public job and I wasn't going to show up one day with long beautiful hair and not acknowledge it. You know, it would be weird like well, where did that come from? I Didn't Do It because I wanted longer hair. I did it because I've always had hair that won't grow on the sides of my face. It's really strange. Like I worked with a hairdresser for several years trying to keep my hair's healthy as possible and see if I could get my hair. That's like right by the my face to grow and it wouldn't and I saw another person who I who I know from Instagram. She got these hair extensions and she loved them and I was like, I'm gonna go for it. And so I did it and I was really Sitting here, like what would people say when I made this posting? This is what I did. This is why I did it and I was I really thought that I would have some negativity that people would be like, you're such a big Faker just be yourself. Not a single one. Not a single person said that it was so interesting to me. You know, I'm planning some time in the next year. I have bought because you know back in my day. Ladies. What we did was put baby oil on our faces and lay in the driveway. Hue in the Sun and so I have a lot of damage on my skin from that and I plan on going to get like needling done on my face for that, you know in my mind I still have a little bit of anxiety about like, why do I feel the need? Why do I feel the need to do that? I don't have answers for you is what I'm saying. I have a lot of questions. Mhm. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, super interesting and that's what you've had to needling some as well. Yeah. IPL which is they basically like zap the freckles and hyperpigmentation off your skin like sunspots. And then yeah micro-needling. Yeah, and I would I would start with the IPL for the sunspots. Yeah, you got half at I'm to miss marcee over to you. Oh, my baby save the longest for last. Okay, so well, let's just start by saying I start I wanted to modify my body when I was 12 years old and I was overweight. So I think it started with just feeling not confident in my body as a whole and And to manipulate it that way through diet and exercise and I did and then when I was probably in high school is when I started to make some of the other modifications not necessarily because I felt that I had to just because I wanted to and I found it fun and that's what people were were doing. So I started to dye my hair, you know, I naturally have what I call mousy brown hair. It's just Very boring and so I started to get blond highlights and oh my gosh this like two-tone look was popular back then. It's just my God. I remember so hideous know like like tons of blonde highlights on top and dark underneath like what the fuck what the actual fuck was that? And when we post this to like I'm paid case it was like yeah, it looks right. So yeah, I dyed my hair blond and it was pretty long at that point. And then I remember I think was my junior year. I chopped like super-short and die to almost black. Oh, that was not a good look and yeah, I started to get my eyebrows waxed because like I am just saying I am a very hairy person by nature, which is so weird. Like I I tend to get the traits for my parents that are like the negative ones like my dad is the hairiest person you will ever meet. My mom has no body hair and she's like naturally tan. It's just so not fair. So did I got my I mean like shaved my legs obviously wax my eyebrows went to the tanning salon dyed my hair and that was just all stuff that kids my age were doing I didn't really feel like oh, I have to do this because like I'm super insecure. It was just like that. They think that you did and then in college, I just kept up with that stuff didn't really do anything else. I actually never consent. I considered getting my boobs done because when I did lose weight, I lost most of it from my chest. Like I used to be like I would say full C Small D like my boobs are they were a nice size and then when I lost weight, they pretty much all went away. I so I was like, oh should I get a boob job, but it was nothing that I ever consider like that. Seriously, I guess so this brings me to my 20s and I guess I didn't really do anything else. But in my 30s is when I started getting like really self-conscious about looking older and aging and even though people will say, oh you look like you're in your early 20s. I do not feel that way and I'll never forget I did my first photo shoot for my brand. It was like four years ago at this point and I thought that I looked fine. I didn't really realize like how many wrinkles I had and how terrible my skin actually looked but I got the pictures back and I kid you not remember that age filter like that old filter that came out so it literally looked like I put that on my face and I was like in shock it was like Lee shit I look like I'm 30 years older than I actually am so that that became a huge huge insecurity of mine and I think it made a little bit of an insecurity before that because when I was in my early 20s, I had started this new job and my second day there this guy comes over to my desk and we're just like shoot the shaking to know each other and he's like hey Marcy, she was a smoker and I said no, why is it well We got to like lines around your eyes. Oh my God, the first thing I'm talking friend. Stop talking. Yeah. I like paper towel never say that to a woman because like I never really after that and I was only 22 after that. I was never really self-conscious. I just kind of didn't really think about it and then a couple of months before my wedding when I was 28, I went and just to have a general checkup with my doctor and at the time she had just started doing Botox. X so she's like have you ever considered Botox you'd be a really good candidate. So that was strike know. What does that even mean? You're really good. I think like you have like you have wrinkles on your forehead and then a couple of years ago. I was at work one day and I'm really like really insecure about my eyes. So as part of like the aging process. I've lost a lot of You under my eyes and it looks like you have dark circles like I'm bags under my eyes and it's like a huge insecurity of mine and a client at our gym came up to me and she's a dentist and she said and she's Filipino. So I'm putting that out there because I think that sometimes other ethnicities they're just a little more forward with what they say. So they don't have as much of a filter and she says hey Marcy have a question for you. And she said are you a good sleeper? And I knew it. In that moment exactly where she was going with this and I was like no doc. I'm not why do you believe that bags under your eyes? It was like thanks. I know and I like I like lost it on her like I started crying it was oh no. Yeah, it was horrible. So that being said I have considered doing like under-eye filler. That's something that I really wanted, but it's very dangerous the research that I have done. I now know That the risk is probably far more than the actual reward have what is the risk Marcy? Um, so you're basically so filler is a very light like a gel-like substance, right? And even though it's comprised of hyaluronic acid, which is something that our bodies make it still thick and you're shooting it like you're trying to shoot it into this area that also has tons of veins and arteries like running through it. So sometimes especially like inexperienced injectors even really experienced ones. They will hit a vein and then you're pushing this gel-like substance into a vein which can cause an occlusion which is essentially the blood gets backed up and it can make enough. Yeah, it can make you go blind. I'm like, yeah. No, thanks. I'll deal with my under eye bags and I had a friend of mine who was also an online coach, and she Under a filler done and it she had a horrible reaction her eyes, like swelled up get got really puffy. She had to have antibiotics to have it like, you know go down. It was just horrible. So anyway, but I do do Botox I have been doing BOTOX for probably the past three years and I absolutely love it. It's wonderful. So so yeah, I mean I had just like I have a very like my forehead moves a lot. But I had have like a very expressive face saying that the combination that like sun damage over the years. Yeah, it's just kind of done a number on me. So that is what I do. Now. I get regular facials. I'll probably start doing you know, micro-needling IPL soon. All that shit is so expensive and I think that what I'll do for under my eyes is PRP so they essentially like they draw your blood they spin it in a centrifuge they get your platelets or plasma scuse me, and then they can Jack that under your eyes. So it's like a growth factor can stimulate collagen get rid of dark circles all of that. I just kind of like help regenerate your tissue. So but that's my story. Well, the lesson definitely is here to anyone out there who is considering doing anything is to make sure you do your research not only on the people that are going to be doing it but also into what it actually involves and like what the what the impact could be and not just get caught up in seeing anyone or anything on social media that saying yo, you should go and get this done and just presuming that it's fine for you to go and do like you have to you have to make your own decisions on it. But that kind of brings me onto kind of the next thing. I guess. We just talking about anti-aging what's your views on the whole like should we all be trying to you know, just Embrace getting older or would you consider also getting Botox? Leigh I will definitely be jumping on the botox train at some point I feel just to just to keep things where they are, you know, as I you know, I got my hair done to cover my cover my career. I have had a wheelchair than getting older. I've got one random shoulder hair, which if you don't know about this comes out to comes out to say say hello. It's the weirdest thing ever. So as you get older things do change and in like what? Are your opinions on getting old gracefully or getting old and you know doing your best to upkeep things Sam or Kim or anyone? Well, I'm older. So can I go first so here's the thing. I kind of combine those two. I guess I do believe in aging gracefully, but I don't think that aging gracefully has to mean not dying your hair or doing any kind of skin treatment going on, you know. I'm saying I don't think that you are at odds. Yeah, I think in the way I feel about it is a person should do whatever makes them feel happy. I don't and I think there can be a fine line because I'm like, okay and that's what I was saying earlier. I don't know. Why do I like to do these things? I just genuinely feel better when I don't have gray hair. I've had gray hair since I was in my early 20s. Yeah, I've kind of and I just feel better when I don't have gray hair. I do think it can get to an unhealthy level of like we're all Always trying to change everything about us and we're nitpicking ourselves in the mirror. So I do think that there is some line of we've gone too far that a person's going to have to fill out for me. I think it's fun. Like I think it's fun to color my hair guys. I don't know if you know this but I'm a blond. I am not a blond. You've just shot it all of my Illusions about what I have brown hair, you know, I like to color my hair. I like to hide. I have very pale skin which you know because you're looking at me right now, but if you remember every time you've seen me in public and person, I think I'm going to change. Yeah, I love to get spray tans. It's fun. I love it makeup. I don't actually like the process of putting makeup on because honestly, it's a pain in the butt but once I have it on I really like it. I think it looks pretty and I enjoy it, you know, and so for me as I age I'm going to do whatever I feel like hey, I have some money for that and that seems like it just makes me feel good that said I I still do have this little twinge of like why am I so interested in How I Look to make me feel good. So I will say again I come back to the question of do I think about it too much and maybe the answer is yes, and I don't even think that there's a right or wrong answer to that. Yeah. I feel like you're right. I feel like obviously if it's taking over your life and it's the one you know, you wake up every morning and that's the first thing that comes to your mind when you stand in the mirror for hours like, you know, pulling an oval eyes. I think this I would almost say there's a kind of healthy level of you taking an interest in yourself and how you show up in the world because it has like how you present yourself has an impact on how you sure up and your confidence levels and all of the things so I think it's I think it's yeah, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer and Kim at sorry Sam Marcy who wants to jump in go go go. So yeah, I mean, I guess I'm the baby of the group but um no need to show off I think so. I think there's something super interesting about the whole like aging process in that. Well, it's inevitable and everyone will go through it and less they don't make it that far, you know, so it's a matter of like, when do you allow it to shine through or do you try? To alter when it starts to happen because ultimately like everyone gets affected by gravity and everyone goes gray and everyone starts looking like shit and everyone's teeth fall out. You know, like it all just happened. All right, whatever. I just didn't like, you know, you don't take issue with the end. We have to end up looking like shit. What are you talking about? All right fine, but you know what? I mean, like it's inevitable and so I guess the modifications that I would make like for me. It's a matter of like making them as a bonus and not making it a requirement for me to feel good because like I don't think you if I don't feel good as my total authentic self like as I am right then I'm Always going to feel like there's just something missing like I'm always gonna be focusing on the lack of what I'm not which I've done for so long that I just like don't want to do that anymore. So I think I've started recently very recently like in the past year shifting on like all the great things I do have and like the other stuff like people don't even really see that I liked and insecure about so like my skin for example was one of those things and I'm like, I was freaking out about it thinking it was like so bad and and all these people - it gets not bad, but never even thought about your skin. Meanwhile the whole time like everyone thinks I'm a pizza face, you know, which is like he's so dramatic. So I think just generally as I age and I start to notice things I'll probably do a lot of like mindfulness around it before I make an altercation because Is chances are I'm magnifying the thing so much like all of the flaws that are quote unquote flaws all the things that you guys talked about being insecure about. I don't even see like I don't see Marcy's I thing I don't see Kim's like pigmentation or whatever you're talking about. I don't see Sarah's your several ways talks about her her face and her skin and she's like I got this vein. I'm like what the hell is this vein? I'm see this vein. So it's like, you know, you you are your own worst critic, so So yeah, but that being I have no idea what Marcy's talking about about under eye bags Marcie. I look at you all the time. I literally have no clue what you're talking about. I can't see you right now because you're in a dark room like the not to be cheesy, but like the spirit of them right like you're not looking at their skin you're talking to the person and so I think that for me was like when I started realizing that I think Marcy you said this like way back like, you know pick your friends based on what they look like you pick them on how to make you feel and that really like just stuck with me so much and I think it just comes down to like your kind of your self-worth really it's like yeah, I mean, we all have shit we all things that we wish were different but like yeah, You know, that's so true. I think it's like it's all about perspective and Sam. You said something really good when you first start talking about, you know, yes aging but aging is it's almost like a blessing in a sense because it means that we're still here. We're still alive or still able to enjoy our life and I try to keep that in mind on those days where I am feeling insecure about how I look or I am feeling a little bit down because I can see the signs of aging present themselves. And I think for me what it is is I still in my heart and in my body feel like I'm in my early 20s, you know, so when what I see in the mirror doesn't reflect how I actually feel it is this total mind fuck and like I want to stay youthful forever just because I feel good at this point in my life, but yes at some point. Ain't no matter how many cosmetic procedures you do hell, even if you get a facelift you can only do so much, you know, like you don't see a 70 year old woman who's had a facelift who so literally looks like she's 20 or 30 right like that. Her name is Jennifer Aniston and Jane Fonda human. I mean like that. They're like an older more mature woman, you know? Yeah because there are some women like the woman who does my Facials she is from Hungry. She's absolutely stunning, but she has had no work done on her and she is very against fillers Botox all of that. So she's like, you know, you can do what you want to do, but I'm not going to do that myself. I don't think people need it and but just like the way that she carries herself her confidence her Poise the way that she like makes herself up. She is just absolutely gorgeous even though She has you know, the lines around her eyes and her skin is a little bit it was like sagging and whatnot. It's just it's her confidence. It's the way that she carries herself what makes her as lovely as she is. So I think that's another thing to consider as well. But yeah, it's something really quick. I just don't want to forget but you were talking about the wines, right? Yeah. I think that I've always seen Smite like the lines around your eyes or your face, whatever I always. Those as like it's almost like when you get asked when you have a scar right from like falling or doing something, it's like that creates a memory, right? You're like, oh, I remember like when I fell and blah blah when I see smile lines or I lines or anything. I just think like that person had fought the good life. Yeah. Yeah, they got to pattern right that means that they were smiling while they're laughing a lot and it's like age is an old age isn't a bad thing. Right? It's like a thing, but it's also like significant of Wisdom in like having life. I don't know. I don't I don't see the other side of it as much like the positive I guess shines through more for me personally. Yeah, so interesting because I have lots of smile lines when I don't have my Botox and people are always telling me like if you have resting bitch face, like why don't you smile more? You're so smart. You're so pretty when you smile like the why do I have all these motherfucking lines? Yeah. Let's just go. I took he said I really had to work on my my self worth over the years and it has grown exponentially. So I am at a place right now where I genuinely like the person who I am. I have a lot of self-worth. I have a lot of self-love self-respect whatever you want to call it, but I still want to feel my best and I went and had my Botox done about three weeks ago and I was like, you know, what do I share this? I don't know and it wasn't even. It wasn't like I was worried about people judging me like the people who I don't know. I was almost more worried about all of them because I am like fairly holistic, you know, so I eat organic food. I like try to use non-toxic products as much as I can yet here I am shooting poison into my face and I was almost worried that the people in my life who are also very holistic. We're going to judge me not so much the people who I am trying to impact like, you know, my other followers who I don't know. It was like so yeah, I was like fascinating. So I was like I've been doing this for three years. I've never talked about it. I'm going to talk about it because I think that this conversation needs to be had and it is okay to want to change your appearance. If it is just that little extra thing that makes you feel a little bit more confident that allows you to hold your head higher and it makes you feel good. There's nothing wrong with that. So I did post about it and you know, like Kim said with the hair extensions I did. not get Hey there, I think we lost Marcy. I think I'm guessing that you just about to say she didn't get much or any negative feedback from it, which is kind of very interesting and kind of goes into where I was going to take the conversation. I just wish that you love lovely people could see how Marcy has left us from the Screech. It's like a frozen a good thing. Do you think? Do you think that I am I as women there is a tendency for us to maybe get judged a little bit more or to judge each other's a little bit more when it comes to the whole kind of like, you know, where you stand on getting all of this kind of stuff done or you know, even you know hair dyed all of the things do you think there is a tendency for us to be harsher on other women as a kind of well. Well, absolutely. I'm going to say this so I am very vocal about my insecurities to my boyfriend and he always says just like Sam you were saying it's like Marcy you're crazy. I don't notice any of this stuff right as like well, then you're not looking hard enough because it's there. No, but maybe that's just because no, oh, he loves me so much that he's blind to those things and which I do think is very true. I don't see other people's flaws and even if I was to notice something It it doesn't make me like them any less. Like I'm not judging that person even though I may be judging myself a little bit. But what I say to him when he tells me, I don't need these things. He doesn't see them whatever is yes, but it is much more acceptable for men to age. So you'll hear things like, oh he silver-fox right and like there are there are some men who get BOTOX and filler and all that. I mean, it's It's definitely prevalent, but I do not think that there are judged, you know, so like let's a woman ages. She gets less roles in movies. Whereas a man ages, you know, it's like he's the one in the film who is going to be going after the younger woman like it's rarely the other way around. So I absolutely think that we have more pressure on us and to uphold this standard of beauty. And that's one of the reasons we do it and yeah, I've also considered if I wasn't I hate to use the word like influencer, but someone who didn't have a fairly large presence on social media where I am a little bit in that public eye. I don't think I would care as much I really don't know, it's me. I feel like because other eyes are on me I have in the past been worried that people would judge me if I didn't look a certain way or like they wouldn't want to work with me or they I wouldn't like take me a seriously again and it's totally skewed thinking because I don't think that about anybody else like why am I feeling as though people are going to do the same to me? I mean, some people are shitty. They really are and they will tell you like. Oh, yeah, you know, you should go get BOTOX or you should do whatever like people are going to be assholes. But I think for the majority it's not like that. But yeah, there is that pressure to uphold that standard of beauty that Society puts on us. And I think that that standard of beauty that we we feel pressured about I think a lot of it comes I think we do as women tend to judge other women about beauty more because we are keyed into it because we judge ourselves about those things and I think that's because women's bodies historically have been more objectified than men snot that men's bodies aren't ever objectified because they are but we look at women's bodies as objects. To view. Yeah, I think that's something that's changing and that we can change and so we do it to ourselves we self objectify and then we take that and through that lens we look at other people. Yeah, and so I think working on all of that. There is a nonprofit organization called Beauty redefined who I love to follow they have an amazing Instagram account. I'm getting ready to sign up. They have an online course. I'm going to take with my daughter all about body image resilience, and they're they're like Mantra that I love is I have it written down here. So I wanted to share it with you guys. Your body is an instrument not an ornament loving your body isn't thinking your body looks good. It's knowing your body is good regardless of how it looks. Yeah, and I love that and I'm learning to not self objectify is really key. And I think that's going to that's going to be something that's going to take time and practice Yeah a hundred percent and I think probably we all do this with our clients when we have a client. And it comes to us who maybe is really struggling with their own like body image, which is to make sure that we shift their focus from how the body looks and get them to move into more on what it does for them on a day-to-day basis because like your body is so much more than just, you know, as you say it's not just an ornament actually says a really freaking important purpose because without it you ain't going to be here. You know what I mean Sam. Did you have anything on that? I think well, I do have a lot but I guess if I was to summarize that's often something I say to myself to like, I'm not my body. I'm not my thoughts right like just remembering that it's just a vessel in which holds the fucking bad-ass that I am. You know, I have to remind myself that when I do like zoom in on my flaws, which usually happens in the form of picking at my face or trying to get rid of every single fucking blackhead in the mirror. You know, like actually zooming into those flaws and just remembering like no one sees that shit, you know, like I can only one focusing on it. And when I look at other women specifically because the majority of my feet is full of women butts or food or puppies that any judgment I make is just a judgment of myself like and so when I catch myself like having this dialogue in my head of like oh Are fatter Leo there are skinny or oh this oh that I'm just like saying that to myself, you know, so starting to I've Been Just way more aware of my Sarah knows this about me, but I have recently named that part of me. Her name is Judgment Judy and she's a bitch some time. She wears so hard like someone will be walking down the street and they'll be wearing like ridiculous outfit and they'll be like super fucking overweight and I'll just judge the shit out of them and then I will catch myself in the judgment and be like judging the Judy you step down and I'll talk to her because he is under well and you'll have that like judge are in US. Yeah, but it's just a vocalizing it and so remembering that like it's okay to judge people, but just remember that like, you know, it's not a reflection of who you are. It's just it happens. We all judge so just moving on from that and whether you do it to yourself or you do it to other people It's like okay, it happens next, you know, just keep continuing to move on. So yes, I think like you and I were having this conversation a couple of weeks ago because you're very vocal about you judging your boyfriend Kurt about something and I know this is something that you talked about on your personal podcast and I said, so I knew that I heard recently which was judgment is a mirror not a window. So exactly and I'm like, oh that hit so hard When judging anybody else or even when you hit feel that hit of insecurities like oh she's doing better than me. Whatever. It may be like that is an insecurity in yourself forever. Yeah. Finally you need to spend two hours a night journaling on it to actually see them. I did the same thing. Like I saw somebody the other day who was super overweight and like they were sitting down eating an ice cream cone. The first thing that went to my What's my head was like why are you eating that shit, you know and then I was like, okay step back that could have been there, you know, 10 20 % food, like for all I know they're on a diet right now. They're working really hard to lose weight and I have not seen everything else that they're eating throughout the day and this is their one Indulgence. So you really got to step back and just be like a little bit more compassionate I guess and then really quick I wanted to talk touch. On what Kim was saying about that thing that you're going to do with your daughter and that is just so important because sometimes I wonder if we're I have gotten these insecurities about my own appearance is from how my mom used to talk about herself, right? So she's always picking herself apart and oh I'm so fat and I need a facelift and your dad hates my neck. And this and that and yeah, so it's like it's so sad. My mom was a beautiful woman just like The most wonderful loving person that you could ever meet yet. She's so hard on herself, especially their physical appearance. So as you know has some of that kind of rubbed off on me and if she had talked nicely about herself my entire life would I feel differently like see my both my grandparents were the same or my grandmother's were the same way like appearance was everything like they kind of my dad's mom used to always call. I on someone's weight or she would call them like, oh that that woman's really homely. She was friends say she's as holy as a pitch fence or something like that. I'm like what? Oh, yeah. I think a lot of it is our upbringing to you know, so it's really great that you're going to start having those conversations with your daughter. Yeah. Can you really do just like you you do need the prize for number one? Mom of the Year award? No. Give that girl a bitch. It's just something I'm really aware of and it's guys it's because I'm not perfect at it's interesting. I just decided where to sign up for this course and then I realized two days later. I said something to my daughter. I'm like, you should just shut up sometimes Kim. Aye so I got sick the other day and I had some kind of source all in my mouth and they were all under my lips and they were giving me a fat lip. Well I said to my daughter I was talking about how painful was I was like, but look at least finally I have an upper lip because I have a really thin lip And I was like, oh my gosh Kim shut up. You're telling your daughter you're glad you have sores in your mouth because it looked my lip looks pretty cool thing to say so my point is but I was really conscious of it. So I'm very conscious of the messages I give her about my body about her body about other people's bodies. And so when I saw this course and I was like and I like the idea that it's about body image resilient. I'm not exactly sure what that means. But I like that idea that I'm going to teach her. Not that this course is going to help her be resilient around how her body looks and what her body is in her life. I love that idea. Yes. Just helping it to really accept herself for who she is and just out of interest just before we kind of wrap things up. Obviously, you're the only one who is a mum out of all of us. If if there comes a point when your daughter comes to you and says, hey mom I've decided I want to have let's go with a boob job or something. What's going to be your kind? Div, what would be your initial view or response? It would depend on each u.s. She's a teenager in my home. I would say my dear that is an absolutely acceptable choice for you to make later. We're not making choices about adjusting anything on your body at this stage. Like she already knows like I wouldn't let my son get a tattoo when he was still under 18. We're just not doing permanent things to our body at this age because you have many years to make informed choices about that in the teenage years when your brain is not fully formed is not when we're making dramatic changes that are permanent to Bodies, I will say I already have I take my daughter with me regularly to get her eyebrows waxed. We are very hairy people. We are Italian and we are covered in hair every which way and when I was younger, I hated my eyebrows and I don't know maybe it was the time period or maybe it was just my mom. Nobody ever took me to get my eyebrows waxed. She had my daughter had a full-on unibrow and fifth grade. I didn't tell her not to like that, but she didn't like it and I said honey. Why don't you just come with me if you're going to like feel better about it with a god. Let's do it and I make it no big deal. I don't make it like oh my Gosh, we have to get it done. But we we just go and that's what we do. You know, we brush our teeth. We got waxer eyebrows. So, you know, I do take you to do things some other people might judge me and say like that's terrible you're teaching her. She's not acceptable at this age. I don't know you have kids and you do what you want with them is what I would tell that person. I don't know. So, you know, I think I would just it would depend on what the thing was, you know, if she wanted to dye her hair maybe yeah, like where you getting the money Forgot that's kind of expensive maybe but nothing permanent. Okay, I think that's enough fair enough Sam. I think you just said something really really powerful which is people can do what they want. Right? Like it's like saying you're fucking Lane. Yeah your hair because it makes you feel great then dye your hair because it makes you feel great. It doesn't affect me. Yeah, and it's almost like why do we need Wi-Fi and it's like, this is a probably a huge philosophical question that we will not answer. Today but like humans like it's so crazy that we are always judging other people like 24/7 now like someone walks by you you judge them whether it be a good thing or a bad thing, you make an observation you register that in your brain and then you move on and it's so kind of cool like it's cool and it's weird that we go through this as humans. Like there's you can't just look at someone and just not have a judgment until maybe you become enlightened and you're like Eckhart Tolle or your boot. And you're just you're so old bear in mind, you know, but I think for the for the normal person it's really hard to not judge. Yeah, but oh that in mind that just because you've got something in your head. You don't always need to say it to the person. I usually advise to clothes on. Yeah. Those are inside your thought had thoughts or something. I tell my kids all the time invisible ink, baby. Never ask a woman. Like are you tired? Yeah, like oh, so basically you're telling me I feel like I look like yeah just my thoughts and said, I mean just to just kind of wrap up. Does anyone have any parting with words of wisdom or comments on this particular subject before we head off into the sunset you don't like what you do, whatever whatever makes you feel good. I say there's nothing wrong with it. But but do like we've been saying it take a step back and really assess. Yeah, why do I feel like I need to make these changes. Yes to cover up a deeper lack of self-worth or is it because I already feel whole and complete as I am and I just feel a little more confident if I make these aesthetic changes. Yeah, because I think it's always important for anyone to remember that you are not going to become like a happier human being just because you dye your hair or you have breasts In pants, or you have botox that is something that comes from a much much deeper level. So don't expect, you know, big life-changing results just from doing something to your externals lady. I love you. This has been amazing and thank you so much for tuning in and I think maybe just as a little bit of fun homework for the first book group. I would love I would love us all the puss. The dodgiest the dodgiest pictures that also we have from some point in our in our lives Marcy. This was actually a you that brought my idea and gosh I the time of my life when I was telling you about all these horrendous looks that I have I don't even and even take that many pictures back then so I'm really gonna have to like, let's get digging. Okay, like I picture like when we made like crazy Beauty decisions like yeah that kind of thing. Yeah, so just anything like the quizzes you think? Yeah, I'm also seeing on Instagram today. It's like that that decades challenge again where you're supposed to post a picture from ten-year-old. Okay, wait that happened last year, I guess so. Yeah. No, apparently yeah time flies bro time flies while okay, so I try and dig up a picture from when I took a picture of George Michael to my hairdresser when I was in seventh grade and said I what I want to look like Like George Michael that was a really great Beauty decision. This is why I love it. Okay ladies. Love you, and we were you guys on the next episode have a very Happy Thanksgiving. Oh, yes, Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy. Bye all. Alright that wraps up another episode of the Decades of strength podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in and listening. We know that life is crazy and time is precious, and we really do appreciate you spending your time with us. If you love this podcast, Please Subscribe review and read it on iTunes Targets in your service on Instagram. Send this to your friends, please please please just tell everyone about it. We are determined to have the biggest and the most inclusive Unity of women sitting at the picnic table together. We love you. We appreciate you and we can't wait to hear what you think of this week's episode for women One mission. We are the Decades of strength Sam Marcy Sarah and Kim catchy right back here for a next episode.
Do you think YOUR true happiness can be found by making changes to your body, having the latest beauty treatment or using makeup which promises to change your life by making you “flawless” and “perfect”? From our personal experience and from working with 1000’s of women between us, we know that some of you believe it will. “If only I could lose this 10lbs then I would be happy” “When I have perfect skin that’s when I’ll be happy” “If I could grow my butt that's when life will be happy ”  These things bring a temporary elated happy feeling, they give you a confidence boost, they make you feel nice but the reality is they are only a sticking plaster. If you are not at peace in your mind about who you are, if you aren’t living a life that fulfils you or you don’t love and respect who you are inside and out, then no amount of hair dye, facial treatments, lip gloss or surgery will change that. At the end of the day you can do whatever you want to YOUR body, seriously it’s no one else’s biz. But you have to manage your expectations of how the outcome will truly impact your life. Being aware that your whole life will not transform into this happy magical place just because you lose weight and have perfect skin. Yes, they can make you feel good along the away but they cannot change the relationship you have with yourself inside your mind and that's where the real happy lives. In this episode we have an open conversation about;  👉🏻Our own beauty enhancements from the tame to the slightly more extreme! 👉🏻Our struggles with the pressure to be perfect and harsh self judgement. 👉🏻The ageing process and whether you should just embrace it or fight it to the death! 🌟Sam, Sarah, Marci, & Kim: 4 Women, 1 Mission🌟 ⠀ Follow Sam: @saltylifts ⠀ Follow Marci: @marcinevin ⠀ Follow Sarah: @sarahdufflifestyleandfitness ⠀ Follow Kim: @kimschlagfitness  ---   Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/decadesofstrength/message 