What's up fam dead and buried here to let you know that if you haven't heard about anchor it's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain it's free. There's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer and anchor will distribute your podcast for you. So it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many more you can even make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership. Have we made any money? Keep we make money hand over fist through anchor. Hello did oh, no, did I just bought a boat? It's everything you need to make a podcast in one place. So download the anchor app are going to Anchor dot. F m-- to get started. Hey everybody Welcome to the dad and buried podcast. If any of you are new listeners, we've been getting a lot of new subscribers likely that's not true. I've just always wanted to say it would be something nice to say I am dead and buried my name is Mike is my co-host Pete. Are you dead and buried you? I'm Mike. I am Mike and I sometimes go by Daddy varied because I write a humorous blog in which I refer to myself as dad and my son is buried. Thai people think that's sometimes how do you call you? Son buried that you've like, it's yours. Look I'm not referring to my son. Like I don't call him buried what I'm saying is my life has been destroyed because of my children and that's what we just talked about. Right and that's what I talk about in my blog and on my Instagram and now on my award-winning also not true podcast and we're both dads we actually has actually that's true. You're less Barry out of the same child though different children. Not of the same you child Jared right? And we're not Brothers either. Not yet. here's hoping All right. That was awkward. You know what it wouldn't it wouldn't be as if it weren't to call. All right. So before we get started this week when we talk about playtime with kids whether that's at a playground at a place base on a play date in your own house. We're going to talk about why playtime is a misnomer. What do you want to call it? The play time Paradox is what you're referring to it as before we get started. We want to thank everybody who supports us on patreon and and beseech are other listeners to join us to join us. These Chris Coleman water David Tuttle and MSE by n but by and I'm really bad with names that choke Under Pressure every time you okay. You did it who are supporting us on patreon. We got Barbara gags Geiger funky fee the dad bod. He's the dad bod level on patreon Julie McCarthy. Shout out to Intrepid media old friend of mine. The Father Figure level who she messaged me the other day and she said I am shocked because your podcast it doesn't even suck not even a little bit. Are you sure? That's what she said. She had some wine or something is too little I mean, that was high praise. It doesn't even suck. I'm shocked right? Thanks, Julie. Don't worry. Give us time World's Greatest Dad. We got Sarge who's really the MVP of the of the the podcast patreon crew. Yeah. He's all up in our Grill every week on pretty much Instagram. Like honestly, my wife is like we love it. Why don't you and Sarge get a room and I was like Pete called dibs right inside first and Colo Veta mire of admire. I don't I do that every time I got to This dude. What is and how to pronounce his name? Yeah, is he from Charmin? You know what I'll be a paper maybe so yeah, look we love doing the podcast. It's really hot in here already because we're not in a studio and it's warm in May and we can't have the AC on because it's too loud and I sweat a lot. We're all going to find out if you ever seen Broadcast News with Albert. What's his name that Albert Finney who rest in peace Albert. He died recently. Okay, Albert Brooks. He gets flaps. Well, yeah, it's very entertaining good movie. She so yeah, I like we want to be able to have to do some more of these. Hopefully not have to do anything else. We'd love to be except podcast professionally. Imagine like Joe Rogan is he like? I like Charlemagne you listen to that. Listen that sometimes in the morning. Oh, yeah Charlemagne. We don't we're not at that level yet. We're going to need a few more patreon supporters. Just a few, you know, so you could be the one who does it and you could be the one that lets our dreams come true your name, and actually, you know, what our friends that are at mimosas with moms will run a nice podcast of the Own and I anybody that that drinks while they podcast or references drinking while parenting is a friend of mine. Yep, and they asked us on so we may do some kind of collaboration with them. We don't we don't really have the equipment yet to do guests. Yes. That's one of the reasons we're begging you guys for money because we want to have some of you on sarge. We want to know what makes you tick. Yeah, you know actually surgery the last person who used to worry about contributing. We appreciate everything you've done some of you deadbeats you gotta listen to this for free, you know, come on give Sergeant boost. He's the man's done enough for our country and for our podcast. Cast not enough but a lot. Yeah, it's you do a little more right good call. Yeah, you're doing great. You can listen to us everywhere iTunes Stitcher overcast wherever you want Google Spotify do anything Subway just go the subway. I listen to it on the subway. Sometimes just start just start singing. I was at Subway earlier today and some woman just cut me tell you literally like walked in couldn't see I was on the left. Can you looked no cut me in line. I'm sitting there trying to order a sub. My son and I'm kind of hidden a little bit and there's a woman walks up and she looks at me realizes that she's about to she has now caught me and then just continues and just was like instead of being like Oh She was like, you know, fuck you and I was like, you know what I don't care. Fuck you is this really that important to me Subway does my son have to eat now, you know what because you were trained on the actual Subway trained by whom for what purpose by Society to ignore other people and tell everyone to go I get up for a pregnant woman. I'll get up. For a senior citizen never sit down your whatever your a germaphobe it's really where my flip-flops today. I know he's making it really uncomfortable. You can watch us on YouTube like weirdo peed here does we're not getting into that again. I'm sick of it. Don't do it last week. We talked about Mother's Day. We got our we talked about pet mom's day. I'm sorry, which I consider to be Mother's Day. Right? I've changed my mind. I flip-flopped on the whole thing. We're going to do a we're going to do a whole separate episode where I praise pet Mom's, okay. We are we did we did both sides though, but we ended up kind of did we were on the same side? We have pretty well. I meant I now realize you were wrong. We tried to and I was wrong balanced and it ended up just being we were just both being deadly just shitting on people sitting right? Fuck your pets. Fuck your pets. So whether we got this well if they've been following me for a while, they've known that and you've known me for quite a while so you certainly know that now so we got a couple of comments. On the YouTube and on the audio on the audio version will call it apart a podcast. Yeah, they caught. Well, it's so the what we do what we want to try and do is that we have a YouTube channel and we post the videos there. And so we're hopeful trying to get the conversation going there because you can con Civic episode come on YouTube. So it really do be a review on iTunes. Exactly. And so you can if you write a review talk about your favorite episodes. Yeah, if you want to do that, give us a great. Yes. I quote some lines. That would be great. But any suggestions, but if you want to get into Some some some dialogue and let us know what you're thinking. That would be great. Sometimes I forget to comment on my own YouTube's yeah, you know what you're forgetful guy, but I'm hanging out there. I'm lurking yeah, you are looking I remind you some watching guys. So I so so Ms. Byun, is that correct? Yep, Ms. But by and commented on our YouTube that Mama buried is 100% right, which is what I often say in my household happy wife happy life. As I said is your wife and she I was the one who started the whole shit storm. That's just another buried just another another Instagram. She started the whole shit storm with her response to my text, but Ms. But buying we need to know your first name Ms. Married. Okay, Mary, we're gonna call you Mary for now. And all right. Goddamn it. We don't know Nate. So she said sorry pet owners is not the same. The house is on fire. You can only save one. Who are you saving your kid or your pet to which I say, which kid right? I have to well which ones Benedict that day. Or in General on balance or just more recently which one listened to me. When they I said, can you please brush your teeth and get ready for the bus and neither of them? How about that? And then she said yes pets are part of your family would so our kids there was no kids day damn right the rain because it everyday if you love your kids like we do do we though sometimes yeah and Sarge chimed in he said I enjoy the buffalo blue Company motto About Pets. I love them like family feed them like family yet. I am not cooking. My dog's a fucking meal that part's not Part of the motto. That was his I am not cooking. My dog's a fucking meal. Some people cook their dogs meals, right? I think I'll like go camp cook some shit or whatever. I don't know just cause like shit. Oh, I know it's being literal. I don't know dogs do like to eat shit neither of us have pets. And so that made it a really one at a time being I forgot to mention last week when I told my story about my cat shadow that got cancer and came back. We brought it in brought him to the vet and I cried I didn't cry just because there's like a routine check-up. Why don't we had to put the cat? To sleep. I realized I didn't say that and the thing so people might have been confused. I might have just thought I'm just a crier which I'm not I want the record to show. Okay good, right. Good job setting the record straight. Thank you. So he said my dogs are family Sarge continue to my dogs are family, but they are the Lesser beings of the household and are never celebrated. I like that. He really lays down the law. Not only is it not a pet a pet mom's pet dad's day. Fuck my dogs. That's the theme of this. I think they are never celebrated. I have to turned into one of those people who hate seeing those who glorify their pet like it's their child with a birthday party just like I had a co-worker who rumor had it was this guy is in his 50s who used to take his cats into Central Park in a baby carriage. I already don't like that person know it was a nice dude and let me just say once you found out that he supposedly did that. You weren't super surprised. Was it a cat? He was like Jerry, is it Parks and Recreations of the cat carriage, or was it an actual baby like you had to like Peel back the like come look at my child. He's pretending the whole time as a child. No, I don't know. I never saw it. I don't even know if it's true. Anyway, we're not talking about cat babies this week, but that may be a future cat baby. Yeah. Listen, it's all fair game it is. You never know what we're really going the bomb. Yeah, we're running out of topics. That's why we need some patreon money to get some guests up in this tree go. All right, so we'll be right back after this. Hey, Mike, have you heard of Spotify before? I have heard of Spotify? Really? Yeah, because on Spotify you can listen to all of your favorite artists and podcast in one place for free. You don't even need a premium account Spotify is a huge catalogue of podcast on every topic including the one you're listening to right now here. We were having a normal conversation and I thought I knew more about Spotify. We're on Spotify. You can follow your favorite podcast. So you never miss an episode premium users can download episodes and listen offline. Wherever you are and easily share what you're listening to with your friends on Instagram. I'm on Instagram. Are you on Instagram? Get out of here? If you haven't done so already be sure to download the Spotify app search for dead and buried on Spotify or browse podcast in the your library tab. Also, make sure to follow me and Pete so you never miss an episode of the dead and buried show. All right, everybody as promised this week. We're going to be talking about playtime with kids. Playgrounds play spaces playdates and the like I'm going to tell you why I've been a stay-at-home dad by no choice of my own because I'm still unemployed. So I've been home a lot more and had to fill my toddler's time. And I'm also their pick up my third grader from the bus when he gets off it and the other day yesterday. This is fresh on my mind gets off the bus immediately wants to go to the playground which is around the corner, but normally I'm like do whatever I can to like Out of it and this time I was just like you know what? What else we got going on? Let's do it son. I love you. Right also, what else we got going? Yeah. It was a hot day. You want them running? I still had to kill a few more hours before it would be acceptable for me to start drinking like without raising any any alarms. Why would tell his it isn't ready in the morning? Yeah. Yeah exactly. So we walked over to the playground and he's waiting for his friend who was on the school bus who had to like run an errand to run to the store or Bodega or whatever and so I'm sitting there with my son and he sees some other kid in Like thrown water around my son wants no part of that and I'm gonna send you a sexy dance with a nice easy tie a nice person. Oh, yes, he's vultures that just sit there and wait for your kid to notice and then the kid just they are amazing these people she are in the park on a barbecue date all the time. Like six of them will start strolling through they just they know what to do in Little League. They show up everywhere and your kid immediately locks eyes. So I get them this thing with that it melts too fast. He doesn't want it and then I ate it and he got mad that I ate it the other thing that makes sense because kids. Yeah because this is a fun time. I'm this logic, but I'll try to keep my distance and I'm sitting in the corner and I'm like on my phone and I know people are looking at me why because people judge parents Riley phone not paying attention to shirt on or off my shirt was off. Obviously. It's a public park. I'm allowed but people get upset if they like that gonna say anything to me unless my kid falls or something, which is another reason. I don't like it. Yeah, like that's how they learn. I don't so so this whole thing is it's placed basis playground buffet time. Why don't we so we can get back? I was able to say no, why do we fall because some men just want to watch the world isn't that how it goes? I don't think joking it was a weird girl. Mostly it's like why do we fall this he kind of needs an enema because fuck you. I want to go to hospital. That's Hospital. Go back to England. Go to the hospital good when GM go to university limey might for Australian right there. I'm very good at accents. All right. So what I'm saying is I know you hate play spaces the most I can I hey talk about the playgrounds the most And it turns out here that everybody hates everything. So I asked the question on my Instagram live follow me there. You can chime in a lot of mica most of the comments I get from there. When I post a little question thing. I notice that neither you nor Nate follows me on Instagram, which is what yeah. Why would you have an account? I do follow you your wife has an account. Yeah. I shared something from her this week. Did you I did good something. I share every once in a while. It's heartbreaking noticed her followers touching went up by one of shit. Hey, I'm proud anyway, so I asked the question. Do you guys like taking your kids to the playground play dates or whatever. So I got a lot of anger. I don'ts so let's love it's come back. You're in the Park. Yeah. Oh, yeah or watching you so I only had a half an hour, right? So watch I'm just saying I'm going through all the comments. We're gonna get like this the whole experience in microcosm, right? This is why I hate it. We only have a half an hour because mama bear has an important phone call and the toddler isn't home. So I gotta go make sure the toddler is it all up in her face during her phone call? So I'm like Detective Munch. CH you got like 25 minutes and I have to warn him like when I get you you better not lose your shit because it's time to leave because it's so hard to get your kids off the playground. So I'm sitting there in my back against the brick wall feeling like I'm judged. I already spent money on something. My son is didn't want and he got mad about I'm watching them climb something where he's gonna fall the whole time. I'm bored out of my mind. I know parents are staring at me. One of the women here has actually seen me at the playground and recognize me is dead and buried and came up to me. Yeah, I'm gonna with comment from her and I'm going to read a comment from her later. I just I got so lucky that like that at that instant. I had like just been playing with my toddler and I pray I look like I was like a really involved add both. We're both there at did you bring yesterday? Only one was there? No, like I got out of that. Yeah. I was like honey, like I'm texting I'm like I'll be back. You know, I'll be back in time for your phone call or whatever. I didn't want to go get him. It's just a mess but it was super crowded. You don't know where they are half the time. I'm on my phone. I don't care where he is most of the time and then when people notice that it's a whole shit show. Show that I will say is a plus for play spaces because it's contained. Well, so is I mean a playgrounds contained to and usually they all have in New York. You can just run out the gate and you're in the middle of street and you can get on the car the subway and you're gone five minutes your kids go on forever by minutes natural selection. Boom. I had a conversation with my son about natural selection recently. That's just that's just natural selection said if you don't shape up or you're not gonna make it to the next round. My thing is is the selfless the selfishness of Kids when they're at the top of the playground and they're standing on. Oh, it should like being on tin. You're like get down and they don't get down and then they fall and he said laughing have fucking like require any medical attention. You are fucked like yeah. That is my warrant reason. I don't care if you're like internal organs are bleeding. I don't want to fight you ER but that's the main point. I don't want to go to your well not if we are going to hold it down. Hold a times 10, that's We should be saying I don't want to go to the ER get down from there. Yeah. Yeah, not like your hair if you're on the verge of ruining my night is the Game of Thrones. That's what we should say can't watch it tomorrow. I'll get spoiled. I want to go out tonight get down get down. I want my kid climbs those things and it's only kind of recently so I'm kind of like, oh cool, you know, he's got up the guts to like climb this stuff. But yeah, that's the other thing. You're like, you don't want to be the guy who's over there all time. I gotta be careful. Let me help you down because then he's never gonna do it again. He's gonna be scared and also old dad's though. It's not just old dad. It's concerned with that answer helicopter parents time. We'll get into that some other time. Okay, helicopter parents brought it. I brought it all. What's the opposite of a helicopter parent me well played so nobody likes the playground and I got it Catherine Drew said it is torture Megan Rockwell said absolutely not and in response to do you enjoy going I mean, I do it anyway, but I don't like it and then that pretty much sums up parenting 100% I do it but I don't like well hold on a second an obligation, but also Also, it's really about the age of the kid at the playground. We didn't get into that too much. Well sort of because on, you know, if you have a two-and-a-half-year-old and there's like 12 year olds running around, you know, he's the worst it's a nightmare. It's like the beginning of edge of tomorrow with Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt. They were he just keeps dying everywhere and the feel that movie is actually really good. But he's like there it's in like Normandy or whatever with aliens and like just chaos, right? It's like in the movie Forrest Gump which in Vietnam, that's a lovely it's like to be a nominal. I like that one. What others is my only represents the war you have you ever been at War if you've been in the shit, I feel like I'm in the shit right now the most my favorite Vietnam movie by the way is the deer hunter. Okay. Great. Thanks. Bye. It's not really a realistic depiction of War because it doesn't really deal with front lines. It's just a series of character studies the aftermath of War this is this not just but there's three stages. It's fucking it'll Rip Your Heart Out that movie strengthen me hates it storm 25 underscore van my life when someone has an underscore in their name. I really enjoy reading it out loud says no, it sucks Starry hymens is or not. We're back from your rant on the deer hunter. This is no this is all lines from the deer hunter Starry High who has commented before says going to take him and playground is a hell on Earth alternate universe where time stands still I that is Hardcore. I feel like these are that's your in the you got to be in the 2 2-3 Zone if these are no you don't write so I went with my eight-year-old and it's just boring. It's just boring. But I okay. I like to be on my phone, but it you maybe this doesn't happen to you. But I do occasionally feel judged and I don't care that much because it's stupid that the parents not allowed to be honest is just sitting there watching your kid there. But I like I'm probably not and sometimes you can't be totally absorbed in your phone. You got to look up and know where your kid is from time to time. Right? But I've accepted I like being on my phone more than I like living my actual life. Yeah. I'm glad Mama Barry doesn't listen this because she'll be like I fucking knew it. But at the playground it's a little more Equitable and shit because if your kid does Fall and you're caught on your phone at that minute, you're the ultimate dick, totally right? That's the thing. Okay, so there's two things there's two reasons only to think it down because I'm now watching you and I don't want to be responsible and I don't want to ruin my evening and ruin my evening. So it's not on my watch but it's your problem. So so Megan Rockwell said she hates it, but she does it anyway, which is Thing to a tee and then um Ahmed 2006 says fuck. No, I hate it, but it's a necessary evil because they are not my captives and I suppose the occasionally deserves some fresh air. That's pretty much where I stand like you're like, I guess because I will again I will get in trouble if they've people find out that I'm holding them in. Let me ages. Well, first of all, let me throw some stuff at you. Let me throw some stuff in the pros category for playgrounds One cost. Zero what I'm saying zeros and hundred percent unless you end up at the ER but that can happen at any of these joints. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, so I'll get it afraid that I spent $2 on an Italian ice. Goddamn it that's to and your face big big ice because big guys got me again. So there something the playground is free. Also if they stay in my apartment they gonna be murmured. Well, that's what Mama Barry would be full murder and the weekend When I don't take it, I don't want to go to the park. Mommy buried is like and then if we don't if we have a lazy at home and it gets to five o'clock and the bounced off the wall. She's like see are you kidding me? I can't by nine o'clock. I'm you have three kid. Like you haven't I'm like everybody has to get out. I'm like get out everybody get out of that. And what do you stay at home? Yeah, and then I closed the door behind them and then take some low hanging out on the toilets. No just takes them a while to figure out how to get back in the house. It's this including your wife. She knows how to get back in. Yeah. She definitely she knows all the nooks and crannies. She's really found a tunnel. It's like the Webster house. Yeah. Yeah, so no, but the so it really Burns energy. It's from that's coming up the running around getting the Yaya's out Nixie 1984 says, of course, I like going I used to love letting them loose. Run. Run run. Yeah Colleen are Welco says, honestly, I feel like that that's the time to let them loose and mostly ignore them. You know what Colleen that's all the time. That's how you do when it comes to ignoring your kids 24/7 And 365 but at the playground you get to do it with the band and you can just be like, yeah, you feel like you're giving them something in return number one comment when they asked me to play with them all the time. Yeah, and I say look around look around. There's three of you I've made three of you to play with each other yet. I'm out of this. I don't need this and he does a great there's a really good play with each other, but Dad you need to be the monster. Guess what? I'm already a monster is a real. It's true about terrible horrible monster, so There's a funny mom on Twitter and Instagram rambling. Mama who has a meme that said go play with your sister. That's basically the reason we had her. Yeah, right, which is 100% true. Like it's also exactly don't want you to be spoiled and we want someone else to occupy your time. So we don't have to that's why you have more than one kid, but there's some when they get say that well when they get into what I what I do, like when you were leaving friends know they make friends at the bar with each other with with like some randos, you know. Yeah that Grant has a guys in trench coats. Yeah. Well, Okay, so that's not go that guy. Hold on hold on because we have a unique a bit of a unique perspective on this. So I want to run through it Ali Bill check says it's boring but worth it because of wears them out and in it a net 26 that she loves playgrounds anything to burn energy and keep apartment clean. Now, one of the big things people hate we mentioned kind of the older kids because it's like a war ground war zone and is like 10 year olds 12 year olds eight-year-olds. If you have a toddler, there's a very good chance television get knocked down you get hurt. Right but a couple of people complained about all the other parents that were there and Some people were like, I don't want to deal with seeing somebody I don't like or something like that as a dad. Right? Like I think you don't many dads know like a mom who's like going to like a playground or a playground and sees like a mom that's like a mean girl or something there mean girl moms. Yeah. Sure sure. That girls have women are very catty. Yeah doesn't stop when they become adults, right? But like four dads will be like often the only dad or one or two. Yeah, and almost by virtue of that sometimes like the moms hold you at arm's length and if you approach them or approach a kid. Yeah, and they don't know Arms Wide Open and you're like, come on give you a give me the saying it's a little bit nice like what the hell is lots of stories. There's lots of stories of like dads who are around with their kids at the park, but somebody doesn't see a kid with them and then like a cops are called on the dad because they think he's like a creeper other than happen to moms that happens. That's literally that that happened in your mind. No, it happens on that. First book. Oh my God. A lot of people are sensitive to this kind of yes, a human trash Russia almost happens all the time. Human trafficking you break human trafficking almost happens all the time. She's a tension. You know what I've done I put signs up to kids, please traffic that bundle deal did for one bundle deal. Okay, you clearly haven't seen taken. Okay some harrowing things happen everybody. Except this those Zena phobic movie ever. Yeah. Well first time the contenders for that side the country. Yeah. Dad warned Direction wasn't she going to see cold. Now. She's going to see you too. She's like 15 and it's like 2010. No leave you now Erica. She doesn't care about you to hit napped. She's going to see like maybe Coldplay or like Slipknot. Yeah. She seemed like one of those girls Slipknot slip that K. So anyway, so so Get Dad's don't have this problem as much mom's a lot of Mom's complain about having to make small talk. Right so D le D le daily Delia. I'm not sure said nothing is worse than awkward other. Mom. You don't know what the playground small talk and then she said or dad I guess which is my point. She's like that's aren't there. She's not doing that. She's like like it's cool. We're both stuck here, but we don't need to chat right? I don't like to talk to anybody even if I know them so when I'm like small talk, no, thanks. I'm that's why I'm on my phone. Yeah, but then they're like, oh look at the anti-social. Parent who doesn't care about us for their kids because they're on the phone. You know what maybe I'm looking at job listings. You don't know my life. Now, we'll do it. I'm looking at it. Again. You're looking at it memes. I'm reading got hot takes on the Game of Thrones finale here. Just you're also just like reading Big Trouble in Little China quotes. For some reason. I don't need to read those drop. That's not a that was a bad example. That's not one of my go to okay, so don't bite your friend says she use usually tries to look as unapproachable as possible while at the playground which is luckily for me. That's how I always look, So I don't have to worry about that part as much I don't mind. I don't mind talking to people in the plague. I'm not a openly like I don't look look at mr. Rogers. Yeah, but you know what your there's probably stuff a monster now you're mr. Friendly neighbor. Yeah, and I want to see I want to compare myself to other people and see how am I doing of a monster? I am there are some times where I pride myself on how many snacks I bring someone for your kids are just forever just a generous people like I'm hungry. I'm like how we can have some Bring a tumbler full of vodka like Madame Vadim SV says the only way to get through it. So close man. I've been at the playground with like I have and I have not judged. I haven't brought it back yet. Maybe only if I've been somewhere and like on the way home from somewhere. We stopped at the playground. It's not like I'm bringing a flash to the playground in the middle of that. You know, I don't think those for like school fundraisers. Yeah. I feel like let me I'm only at the playground if it's in the morning generally. Well, a lot of people said that to like go in the morning when there's less of a rush. - I like to bring my kids out in the rain. I realized then they get sick and they can't go to the playground again. So soon there you go, but I don't really need to really think about that. I was like wheat why have I not been drinking because you go so early and then I realized this because I go so early black. So participation is another thing right? So not only talking to other kids are sorry other parents and as many kids as you can get it's yeah, I like to talk to as many as possible. Sometimes your kids want you to be involved like I was at the playground recently and I was chasing my kids around because like If nobody they know is there they want me to like play Monster chase them. I hurt myself. I can immediately jumping off as something turning quickly. And so so it's not morning underscore Nikki Nietzsche. I think it's a horning underscore Friedrich. Nietzsche says, yes, because it keeps him busy likes to go to the Pagan because it keeps him busy, but no because apparently I have to go with them which is the problem like it when you have it like I used to be able to just play in the backyard or my neighbors, but now especially we live in the city. You gotta bring the kid to the Around a lot of the time you have a playground right around the corner from you know, what that's neither here nor there. You know what Ledo Jennifer says don't ask me to push you on the swing for me. That's the lowest impact thing. I can do. I don't mind standing there phone in one hand drinking another using my head to push the swing shrink a foot. Yeah, but my kid likes it when I tickle him on the swing like every time he comes back a little toddler guy. Yeah, that's always fun. So black velvet stitches says she hates it, but she suffers through the playground and she gets judged for not stalking. Kid around the place. I like not following around in knowing where he is and taking care of him. No, I told you man. The Judgment out there is in Scent is intense. I don't think so. I I'm I don't care what these kids are doing the running around and having fun. Like the only thing is if they come back crying it you here I know yeah, and then they can tell it's your kid or you're like thank God. That's not my kid. It's a great feeling isn't it? And then you look up and it's nice sex is sex is fun. But being on the playground hearing a kid crying realizing it's not yours. And that's the real juice Nate Nate. You haven't experienced that one. Yeah, either of them. Actually, that's really where there's a weird. That is that's where life really that and when you put them down to bed for the night literally like it's like journaling shooting heroin between your toes. Yeah. Well when you know that they're in bed and then use that they're going to get to know you don't know my kid gets up like four times a night now shoot him the toddler that you're going to say shoot him. I was like, you know what hadn't thought of that. When you have been probably the most effective option at it when America no, we're not in an airport though. That's where it's allowed and in Florida now because Stan your ground law if your kid gets out of bed, you can shoot him in Florida under the stand your ground law. Is there anything that Florida won't give us an end to this great nation of ours. Um, what else what else we got on here participation is dangerous as your kid ever gotten her to the playground. I'm sure yeah. No, but like for real any breaks. Yeah my daughter. ER my older my oldest daughter she hurt her foot and had to be in a cast for a while. How about you they don't have playgrounds in London. I forgot now, they don't they have what's called factories. Yeah, they have to work is and then we had the Chocolate Factory. Ooh, like what sir? Which way do we go for our cold meal? How do we get to hospital the hospital so know they had an itch. Are you kidding me in? They had the best play granted but it's called Adventure like guy that's that's even worse. Then what shut up swinging rope nooses because they live in London. No, Folks we have vomit poles on the ground. That is actually I bang my head on a slide and got a concussion. Like I bang my head outside and immediately threw up as a kid. That sounds like something you would do not know that even mean that's not even a good joke. Most people would just kind of not throw up after banging their head just like not in your head. So badly. Why what were you what it was actually doing just your hands behind your back? I don't I was like three I didn't have full control of my head. I still don't All right. Well, so the phone judgment thing I brought up so so fell Shamu is the woman who saw me in the playground once and by the luck of the draw, I wasn't holding my phone and I was like playing with my toddler she came up and she's like are you dead and buried I was like, oh shit. Yeah. What did I do? Now? She's like these two are yours. Yeah. Yeah these sons of bitches know she just wanted to say hi and we chatted for a minute. I didn't know what to do. I had to tell her my name was Mike because it's really weird if someone is like calling you Dad and buried All the time. Yeah even weirder for you, but you Dad buried if you have to be like no. I'm his I'm his Anonymous sidekick on the podcast Greg great. Anyway, she's goes to the same playground as me and she said that she'd be too busy looking at her own phone to judge me. So I appreciate that Felicia. Thanks for thanks for the reassurance. Yeah, and I think the getting them to leave as is a key as half an acre points out. Yeah, it sucks that it you got once you get there you start giving immediately and hold on. Yeah, five-minute warning. Okay, and if you have to be home by a certain time, you give yourself a cushion because you know, you might have to chase them to get them out or they're running by you pretending they don't hear you that it's time to leave yesterday last night. I destroyed my eight year olds entire world by bringing her home from the playground early. Oh, yeah, like I know it is she's never gonna know. I actually I felt absolutely horrible. But at the same time I do it was an after-school event there. The kids were running around and the playground and I was like, oh, Okay, we got to go my little ones melting down and I we left like 15 minutes early, but that 15 minutes was key because none of her other friends had left yet. She had to be the first one and I kind of was like it's all the parents were saying they were going to leave but hadn't pulled the trigger hadn't pulled the trigger yet. So guess who look like a big-time asshole my eight-year-old for leaving early. What a jerk you honestly it's disrespectful to all her friends and the people that were still there my God I couldn't imagine what Cool must have been like today. So embarrassing everybody laughing and pointing put his Scarlet Ellie on her. Yeah, I really left early. Yeah. She really she did a really good job of actually making me feel like total shit. She wasn't she wasn't overly upset better than I do sure. When we say sure it made me feel bad. Yeah. There we go. It's because I'm an expert in it, but she was just very she was like that. I really wanted to stay. How come I had to leave. I really I was playing You know and she just said it in that tone really calmly for like an hour and a half and I was like, you know what I am really genuinely sorry, but we had to go. Oh, you're soft like about it. Did we really have to go then how many friends at her? No, I didn't know her know that my internal have to go with nothing and also had like the times that I was bringing out look at 7:30. It was except didn't mean anything all you're alive. Yeah. We were Monsta he wanted me how many of her friends were there. She's Breaking My Heart in front of my own goddamn eyes. What else you want me to do put the pedal to the metal just go first. It's exactly roll all the way down coming back and get it was I might as well get my always negative a hundred. You know what I mean? So what a hold on how many friends were there with her there. I mean there was a lot there was like eight or nine, right whatever. So the next topic is play dates, which is usually like two kids. I'm most like two or three or you go to like a friend's house. The siblings have to be involved a lot of the time which causes no end of the drama. I don't do I don't go on a lot of playdates because most of the friends are my moms and I don't have a lot of data friendly yet where your that was just not clean. It's always inviting you over ladies aren't usually couple things. So we have a good couple friend where we go over there. I don't consider those play dates, even though they all the kids are friends and they play together, but I consider those like Friday night like we're going over there to hang out in the kitchen. Just we have to bring the kids. So let them be in the other room and have fun a play date is we're like on a Saturday off their own or during the middle of somebody gets dropped potentially. Someone gets dropped. You're lucky if you're doing the dropping like with a birthday party. Yeah drop off. But a lot of these moms complain that sometimes it's like the kid will make a friend at school and you don't know the parents and you have to go over there like make sure everything's cool and hang out and maybe that parent doesn't drink and then you're screwed. Yeah, then you can even have a glass of wine or your kids are playing Minecraft and God. What are your Magna tiles? It's already 8:30 in the morning Jesus. So Brian Gill likes it. But only when it's play dates with your adult friends and they have booze lot in 75. I've said she only likes it with close friends when she knows the parents can do the drop off which is what we're just talking about. Pammy cap cannot stand any of it. She hates the park and play dates with people. She doesn't know she's angry. Yeah, Pammy cap. Give me you know, what reach out if you need a hand. I like the play date at the playground though. That's a move. Is it? Yeah, so it's why what a waste. What do you mean? What do you mean because you're both way coordinate arrived exact sure my god, did you okay now kind of after that? I'm sorry big fan of it as a glue out of like plant. Okay. Yeah that's coming through loud and clear. So Mandy Max 1 2 3 says the same thing. She doesn't like play that she dreads them when the kids are young because the parents stay and then you're forced into a weird social situation elves 99 says pre-gaming is a must to be honest. I don't know if she was referring to play dates or playground or whatever but depending on what time it is. I think that's funny. Like all right guys were pre-gaming for the playground and she and goes in the bathroom and what we tell you lift the toilet you got your little flasks. Yeah your handle toilet seats. Grab the flask out of the u-bend. Yeah some absolute in there. Shawshank style Shawshank style. Yeah Shawshank Redemption. It's a movie. Oh never heard of it. Okay overrated. Yeah play dates can be weird girl plays. Uke they're fine. If you don't have to stay there, which is pretty much. Yeah. I mean, I think the I had that happen to me where they got dropped off at your place. My daughter had a boy over for a playdate. Oh my God, and it was this was a while ago. This was like three years ago and but when She was five or when she was eight Wichita State. Okay, when she was a my 11 year old now is 8 and then figure that out the boy came over and they were there just you know, having fun. They're playing dad came over and stayed and then I so I said you want to be ready when we know good. So now I'm in my own goddamn beer drinking and he's not. Well, I'm in my own goddamn. Oh, I don't even know what's up. And I said about dragged himself it nine times. You gotta crack before he gets there. Hey listen, It's all good here. You don't you're welcome to stay. You don't have to. Oh, it's great. You know cool. Anyway, as I was saying in the Reagan Administration and that's what he was saying now. I don't know what he was talking about. But it was so horrible should have brought up Trump. That's my favorite topic to talk. Mine Hogan has it's coming up soon and the podcast Trump. It's a whole title. We need to see. Yeah. So yeah, so, you know, A lot. I don't have a side from like going hang out with actual friends, which were eliminates the worst part of The Playdate for the most part. I don't have a lot of experience with like the random stranger played a deriving I've had I'm I'm I'm actually cool hosting. You know that clay dates while hosting them hoes. Do you like the nerdy Dad? I'm like Modern Family. Yeah, like whatever his name is. Yeah, why the face see things WTF stands for cool trying really hard to be cool. No, but it's okay there there. It's fine. I can handle n plus 1 When they come over they play in the room. So in many ways, it's actually it's a little bit can be better. Like if you have a really but a very loud and nearby you're not outside. You're in the place. You gotta get snacks from you gotta make him smell what kind of movies dado you focus on the person who's coming over the kid who's coming over? Yeah, you sideline your kid. This is what we call this is how you this psychological warfare you sideline your kid. You don't think this kid is gives a shit. I see this get every days old news this the other kids on their best behavior. ER so what you called for deep unless they're mine now, they're not if they're monster. Yeah, and that's bad seeds out there. I have I have an experience that look we haven't been to your house yet up that yeah, because well we we've mangled. Yeah, we've been delivering once a while but but no the the kit you go for the kid and you're like, hey, yeah food water all that kind of thing. And then, you know, they're on their best behavior. They're loving it. They're like you're spoiling the yeah, you're spoiling them and then you know you just and then you know your Goes to restore some food, you know, is that his breath and then the dad comes in and you're like you want to be re says no you said get the fuck out you son of a bitch it out of my house. He had a cake, you know good kid with you. Yeah, I mean you kids pretty good, but actually take my daughter. Yeah take my kids really get out of my house a hell out of my house with you. Can't hide I'm Gonna Keep your kid because your kids actually polite. So so look, you don't like the playground you clearly love playdates. Oh, I didn't say that. I hate place. No, you said it I wonder I heard everyone heard it you love play spaces least of all place, but you hate play spaces. I was out with let me see you. I've been six ever since. Yeah. Well, let's in the ball pit. Listen with my toddler. I was in the ball pit. You know what I get involved listen play spaces are just big measles trying to win is it? Yeah, that's all he can be. So yeah, that's what they're trying to do. So if you get beer see all the people who run play spaces are in the pocket of big measles, that's what they wanted they want. Walk in that door. They know everyone is walking this door you're getting it. So this is a very good chance you're Contracting the disease that should have been eradicated toys decades have gotten washed in a long time. Do they ever get washed? How do you watch the ball like this? How do you wash and then I wash it and I watched you know what? I don't mind it builds up the immune system. Yeah, but it also includes increases the amount of so my wife has Ms. So she gets sick. She catches. Everything is a weakens your immune system, right we go to the ball by bringing their all the time because then n I know where to go with that. I don't know but the play spaces she doesn't up taking them there Saturday Sunday almost every time it is like I would show you photographs of Taken where unlike the playground where there's space. You can go something you can hide. What are you taking photographs of of the play spaces the the just to be like this is disgusting disgusting that mean you have both parents, right? Because Rupert's and they both have to go. Yeah, so you're both parents coming taking like it's a cure for your off. Yeah, shoot. She's up. Looking for you. So you have like a hundred four year old times to parents. Meanwhile, I've got like, you know, I've got my my kids both running around I don't and I'm employing my same I don't give a shit attitude but it's the same thing where I play Space all the kids running rampant. Your little kid can be in danger but it's but take the playground and just compress it because it's yellow because you're going to place your eyes is generally when it's cold out you have to pay and after hey and then you compress it down into the tiny little teeny He space and then it's chaos go. It's very important to know when there aren't that many people there. But there's always a lot of people there how they know what I encountered last time. I went it like a week and a half ago. I went to one of these things you have to take your shoes off when you go through the gate and then the bathrooms are within the no shoes on so I have bring my kid to the bathroom where I have to go to the bathroom like in my socks. The fuck is your bathroom doing in the not actually that is own mastic. I feel bad for people having to go the bath and I wear flip-flops. So I had to go bear. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. You got so nervous. I know you did. I knew to wear socks to the play space. I did my wife warned me. She's like, I don't wear socks. You just fucking dare you call me a liar. Yeah, you just like getting your toes. I've been around the block. Let's present in the urine typically happen. Dad and Mary gross. You know what your glory your gross everybody knows? Play spaces are full of germs you like to think they're full of cool dads over playing my game. I was playing with my toddler. It's fun. When you have a dad who's like jealous. Don't go nothing, you know, they're like wrestling and they're like being cool dads over playing with their kids. That's it. Nothing is more annoying than a cool. Dad overplay million things more annoying they are annoying but there are a million things more annoying than cool dads over playing with your son in a play space on a Saturday. And that's the number one most annoying thing of all time. It's up there. All right, we're going to put up. Up a list up there. Let me know which I'm in everybody going to put up a list on Instagram. What is more annoying? I think it's so many fucking big measles is moreover playing or what about old dad's over watching careful. It's not just a wonderful paranoid. Dad. You have to be old trust me. You would know old man. I'm pretty old, but I'm not as old as some of the grand problems out there. Those are Grandpa's are they though? I don't know. There's something lies not exactly are something to be said for all dad's butt. The there are over overly cautious, but all that I got so look you put I just lumping together because I'm a huge generous. You put a bullet point in here that I don't understand and I really want to get it play Space is like a low-rent Tinder would have. Oh, yeah. So step instead of measles its biggest so know what you're doing is you're you it's also a place where you know, all the moms and dads are there everyone's mail. It's like a key party. Yeah. Everyone's looking at each other Fair 2.0 breeding ground, but the best part is It's a what would have happened Tinder. You're kind of like, okay. Well, you know, that would have if I take in a separate fork in the road I could have been at The Playdate with that young lady. Look at that or that old Dad. Yeah, look at that if I had just so it's not just a braid around I learned that's a breeding ground for broken homes not for what could have been sliding to our situation situation. So what you're saying is you like to go to play spaces to imagine what your life could have been like what are the mistakes you made? I like where you're like. The one thing I do like is the like I said the mom and the dad will go with their four-year-old or two year old or whatever. They go together because like yeah, that's what new parents do and then you know, you just like, oh that's funny. They're unique. You just everyone's like you in your mind you go there together. Yeah exactly thing, you know, like really, huh? What size is it? What's inside of you think you're on that equation on you and your wife go the losing side. Yeah grading. I'm way above my weight class you're saying yeah, obviously everyone knows that you're way above your weight class on this podcast, like a people going to look at this photo and be like Poor Man's Fassbender low-rent Paul Rudd spoon. Somebody called me. You're like if somebody photocopied Paul Rudd three times. I was like, I love it. Yeah, it was good. I like the low rent Paul read. Yeah, but even that was probably giving me too much credit. And then the photograph the if you're like if someone photocopied Paul read two or three times yet. It was very funny. Yeah, so that's it. I think that the play spaces are just are intense and plus you have to dress up. There's more toys don't think that what you wear a tux to the play space no meaning. There's like cost you have to wear clothes what I ain't wearing no costumes. You want lice. Have you been big measles? We were just talking about you. Don't get big lies big lies big bed bugs everything. It's all bugs. I think are small. I know by definition industry that they're in know what you mean getting. It's all like spaces the running theme your Your big thing. I'm big in everything. But but play spaces. They just they can that's just like a tainment unit for grow sness and germs and death and despair and the only thing they only positive fairs with possible sliding glass doors that writers situations, but the only thing that's a positive is when it's you know, five degrees outside Howlin, right and your kids need to get the Yaya's out somewhere and you gotta go somewhere. So you go to the play space. I wish II do to show you some I took at least I've taken in the past like at least four or five photos on just random Sundays and just you can't see the play Space. It's just people it's like a raised teeming with people just teams think race is too many people and there's it's not fun. It's like a rave, but nobody stockist. Yeah. Nobody's taking X everyone's standing there all just sweaty and packed in. Yeah, and nobody's feeling good about it. Trying to watch that one. Cool. Dad play cool with his cool son. They're all watching. Him thus proving the fact that he is actually cool. The other ones like that who cares about his kids out because you got the one cool down the one old dad and then the rest of the people are just a crowd watching sickly who are who are the seasoned vets and they're all the same time simultaneously wondering what could have been if they swap our yes, exactly. But the sad story is even if they had swap Partners, they would still ended up at that place. Exactly. So you're doomed and you don't get married is what he's trying to say, don't do it. Just don't just Next week, we'll be back with the divorce addition the dead and buried podcast. Exactly. Hopefully if you guys enjoyed this episode you can comment on YouTube. Yeah about what you prefer. We're going to do the what's more annoying than what is it? The cool. What is the most annoying thing in the world? You said is the cool dad. Oh overzealously playing with her playing dad versus we're going to I'm going to put up some kind of poll about how wrong Pete is on that because it's just a never-ending hit us up on the Litany of things that are more annoying than that. Okay. Well, I like to use hyper but I'm a little That's because I am that cool dad when I play with us go play with my toddler getting that but first my sciatica, but you know what I care about my son. I know bonding time is important you a great family that gets big measles together stays together and sometimes dies unless the sliding doors thing opens up. Sometimes they die. And then that's when all of the bed bugs come in doesn't even that was a weird is really slit into some Darkness right there. Yeah. Yeah dark side either man. Everyone thinks I'm the bad guy, but who It's plot. Twist breaking Breaking Bad. All right, we'll see you next weekend. Thank you.
Playground, playspaces, playdates all sound fun because they have the word `play` in them. But don't be fooled all of these can suck hard. Speaking of sucking hard, Mike and Pete explore the topic with incredible insight and tact. Like are playspace really just fronts for `BIG Measles` to keep winning? Yeah, that's the kinda stuff you can expect in this episode. -------------------------- Moms and Dads, WE NEED YOU! This show and these dank memes won't feed our families (we've tried). We need your support to keep this up. We love making this stuff for you guys and we're putting this out there so see if we can make the switch so that this can be more than a hobby 🙏 (that our families hate). 