Hey, welcome to BTS podcast. This is your host Lynn a cook. As you may have noticed this episode warrants a trigger warning in this episode. We do discuss sexual assault rape and matters of that nature. So if that is something that you are not in a place to listen to today, I completely understand feel free to skip to the next episode or the previous episode. If you are that accurate and audit of a listener, I really appreciate my friend.Being on this podcast. I've chosen to leave her name out of it just because she also has a unique name and I don't really want to like put her in a position of I don't know being overwhelmed. It's a lot if things change I may update the intro and include her name, but out of respect for her. I just decided to leave it out so that she I don't know is given some space and it's also one of those things that as much as I would love if we were not in this place in society. We are in a place in society where people Can look up your name and when you have a unique name and it's easy to find and you're applying for jobs. This may not necessarily be something employers can think past or move past or whatever. We all know that there can be some pretty significant backlash when people look up your name and it's easily searchable for things that are not positive and work-related. Even if you're the Survivor anyways all those words aside. I do appreciate you listening. If you would like to support this podcast, please do use my promo code for soothe. This great you can get in home massages. You can use code LZ L RZ to save on that. You can also save on hotel tonight use code L cook 6-1 to save on your first hotel booking hotels night has absolutely lovely hotels around the world and the more you book with them. The more you save I'm on and I think level four of their rewards plan or whatever and I get really great discounts on hotels, and I love it. Thanks again for listening and I hope Hope that you learn a lot from this episode. This is a good friend of mine and I am just really grateful that she was willing to share her experience in pressing charges against the person who assaulted her. Hello and welcome to BTS podcast. This is your host Lynn a cook in case you skip the intro which by the way is a rude there is a trigger warning and there and that is because this episode if you also skipped reading the title Is about pressing charges against the person who sexually assaulted you so we talked about the behind the scenes about that. So that is something that you are not ready to hear totally understandable. I just wanted to give a second trigger warning and also listen to the intro because that has the information to support this podcast, which is greatly appreciated. Also before we jump in I do want to say that this is one person's experience and point of view and should not be viewed as a representation of all sexual assault survivors. So because of the heavy nature of this episode typically I and this podcast by asking people what is a subject that they would want to hear a future behind the scenes episode on that feels like a weird ending to this episode. So my guest today is a friend of mine and you can say hi. Oh hi. Oh hi and so what is something so, you know the subject of this podcast we talk about the behind the scenes. Of clearly anything usually it's people's jobs what they do where things come from that we engage with every day and I would venture to say given the statistics. We do actually engage with survivors of sexual assault every day, and we just don't know it. So this is a behind-the-scenes on the process of the aftermath of that. We won't be digging into what happened unless it's relevant to the case just solicitors know that but what would you like to hear a future episode on? Me yeah. Oh, oh, that's a good question. I like the I mean, I feel like you do a lot of business focused, you know how people you know come to do what they love and find their passion that I just think it's important to stay with people's passions and how people you know started and you know, your whole world can get flipped upside down in a day. Or a week or however long and it's inspiring for me to hear other people's stories on how they overcame hardships and stuff so that we can all kind of just ban together and like live in a good World totally. So just to like repeat that back to you like anyone who's gone through something super dramatic and then like kept plugging or like change their dreams or like, you know, yep. I've got a just like you No, made them who they are and why they do what they do today. Totally great noted. Okay. So I mean this is a tricky thing to start on because I guess we should start sort of like at the beginning after what happened. So you were raped and then, you know, a lot of people who are survivors of sexual assault. Don't report what happened and maybe never reported or report it and then aren't taken seriously. So what we're sort of the next steps after that happened to you. So I didn't know next steps when it happened to me, which I feel like is one of the biggest issues surrounding just rape culture and what happens when someone sexually assaulted I actually went home to my roommate and my roommate called her mom and ask her. What I should do and her mom told her to take me to the emergency room and that never would have been my first, you know instinct to do I wanted to go home and take a shower and just crawl into bed and go to sleep. But she took me to the emergency room and I was there for about four hours doing the rape kit. They did the whole, you know pictures like scrape your fingernails. Take your hair like fall. Coal samples, you know run the whole thing, which is pretty traumatizing after you go through something like that. You know, the last thing you want to do is be poked and prodded and right inspected especially by strangers. Yes. Yeah, so I was there for about four hours and I was able to go home, but it was just one of those things where I'm so happy that I was around the piece around. The people that I was surrounded by that could help me to figure out what the next steps were because it's not something that's ever talked about which I guess. Yeah. I mean unless you binge watch Law & Order SVU, which fealty you just really and also when you're in that that moment of like immediate trauma aftermath of course like Government recognized next steps right are not what comes naturally to anybody know presumably. Yeah, I mean because like a lot of you know what people assume is if you're going to go to the hospital then obviously you're going to have to report it and then the police are going to try to do something about it and people don't necessarily want those to be their next steps and luckily those the people that helped me made it very clear that I had a choice all along and that it was up to me to continue to make the choice. So I just kept pushing on through totally. So then then what happened I so my it was my sophomore year of college. I was almost done with the semester for the summer. I I called my mom when I was on the way to the emergency room, and I told her what happened and she hopped on a plane and flew to Montana and she helped me pack up my apartment in about a week and a half and we went to ayaat a great victims advocate assigned to me from my college who was very helpful, and she helped me get in touch with an investigator and We did the whole Title Nine set up, you know kind of thought so Title Nine is basically a protection law for it was put into effect for sports. So that basically girls have the right to participate in sports like boys did hmm. And so would Title Nine at my school. They basically that's where you would report any assaults her. Rassman anything like that, and then they take that case and they investigate to make sure that the school is safe. So why was it done through the school and not like the City PD so it was something to school because he was a student. Okay, so they we had a school police department as well. So they got involved but they weren't it was very, you know classic. College handling a rape case basically was the police were like, oh this happens all the time. Technically. It didn't my my assault wasn't counted as a college. I don't know the word. That's okay. So like they will do like a count of how many sexual assaults are on campus every year and they have to report it and mine is Reported even though it was students to student to student because it wasn't on campus. It was at another house off of Campus. So when that happens the lines get kind of blurred where the college police are like, well, it didn't technically happen on campus. So there's not a whole lot that we can do about it, but the school obviously is like he's a student and he's endangering other people. So we need to do what we We need to do to investigate and make sure that everything is you know, checking out and that everyone is safe so high the Title Nine case that I did took three years. Oh my God. Yeah, and there's a limitation I think of three months and once the three months is out. They can throw the case out limit. Shin like once the once like the case starts. Yeah, if it's not handled within three months, yep. That is wild and is that specific to like that County or that stay? It's the title. Nine law Title. Nine is a federal. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So how did you avoid having thrown out or was that just like by luck? I was very lucky with the people that I came across I very much recognize that people don't have the support and the team that I had and I you know. Like I need to give a lot back to the people that chose to believe me and help me and stick by my side because there were people that could have very much given up and thrown it out and they didn't they stuck with me. So the whole time I mean there was so many days where I just wanted to give up. You know, I just didn't want to deal with it anymore and I just wanted it to go away but I would look at all the people that you know stood by me the whole time and I was like I can't Give up because they're not giving up and right are here to help me. Yeah, and and I imagine to I mean just knowing that somebody like when you're the Survivor of that sort of thing, you're the one who is in burdened with that trauma. Yeah, and knowing that that person is out there and could just do that to any other person and keep living their life and whatever. I imagine was also you know what I mean. There's like also that fear of like oh and then what I'm going to make somebody else go through this whole thing again, but I yeah, that's so in that three years like what like what else are you doing with your life? I moved back in with my parents. I continue going to school. I but not at the same school knows a different school. Yeah, and I just tried to carry on with my life as normally as I could. Yeah it was. Really hard to adjust to being in a situation that I didn't choose and that I didn't have the control totally for her. Yeah. So yeah, I mean it was a lot of figuring out where I was meant to be and why I was put there and you know, I was very angry. I had a lot of emotions to deal with totally. Did you go to therapy? Yeah. I had a great therapist that I Twice a week. I did both EMDR therapy and then just regular therapy which was really helpful. And I mean that was probably the best thing that I could have done and then I also you know, I did a lot of paddleboarding. I just go like lay in the water and just paddle board and it was so calming, you know, it was like really important for me to find things that made me feel grounded and you know, kind of Get back in tune with my body. I did some yoga. They like recommend doing yoga after your assaulted because it kind of helps you to get back in touch with your self and your body and you know, kind of manage all the feelings and take a lot of control. Like yoga is something that when you're doing it, there's so much balance and like I had a yoga instructor this last week who said something that I'd never thought about where he was saying like the thing that they're focusing on this month. Seattle you have the Arts is where I started going is like your core, which whatever. I mean I'm vain I always think the core great. I'll have great abs. That's right. Yeah, that's where I'm at. But he said something really beautiful that I'd never thought about before where he was like, you know, all of our like whenever we have really traumatizing emotions, whether it's heartbreak or you know, like other sort of traumas it all really happens. It makes It's a sick to our stomach. You know, we say I have a pit in my stomach. I feel sick to my stomach. I'll sometimes say like my stomach's in my throat, you know, and it hurts our heart and like all of that as core stuff. Yeah, and so he was saying that it's you know, it connects all of our sort of like appendages but also our upper half to our bottom half and how by working on our core and like opening it up and then like closing it up. It enables us to be more flexible in that area that gets Sort of just like messed with masked by our emotions and I'd really never thought of it that way before and like how by opening up your chest and closing it. You're like allowing yourself that flexibility and going like reassuring that body confidence and internalizing like okay I can get back to being complete again. Right and I was like, oh this is so much better than all these like, you know, like Millennial yoga classes. I've taken that are just focused on like whatever it is sweating a lot. So I think that even if you don't go into yoga knowing that sort of knowledge, there is something that you do internalized from being able to control like small movements and being having more awareness in your body. You know, like I don't know if like you get like adjusted in yoga because I really like that when the I fix your posture where you're like, oh, you're right like my hip was not drop. Yes. So the did the people Outside of your immediate family did the people at your school and stuff know what you were going through. Yeah, so there was people at the house when it happened who didn't really end up being the most supportive. They ended up taking his side or just completely disappearing. Wow. So that was hard. I felt really alone and you know friends that I had grown up with and known didn't know how to react or you know, we're like well that Happened to me to what's the big deal? Wow. Yeah. So it was there was a plethora of reactions, you know, whether it be positive or negative. It was just by the best way to describe it is just kind of like a tornado. You know, it's just like a tornado of all of these other people throwing in there. All that happened to me too. And this is my story and well, why don't you do this and why didn't you do that and maybe If you did this then this wouldn't have happened. Right and you know, it was just like all of those like stereotypical like guilt, you know, it's a blame. Yeah, and it was just that was probably the hardest thing to overcome. Totally there was a as I told you before we started recording I was listening to terrible. Thanks for asking on my way over here with a woman who goodness. I want to say her name is Sarah. She's in, Minnesota. Her ex-boyfriend raped her and she was sharing her story and she's become like a huge advocate for rape survivors. And I guess has like a Facebook group where people share this and like and you know it almost like AAC format meeting except for like not Anonymous and people go in and like share there's that like that's what they went through and there were a few notes that I took from that and questions that I got from that. And one of them was like on this particular episode they were sailing like Silence Is Easy and it's silence feels a lot like apathy. And so when people are quiet, you know, I I truly believe most people are quite because they don't know what to say and they recognize that which in a way I respect like, yeah to a degree Fine. Yes at the same time. I think we all know any insecurity. We have throughout our lives when people are quiet about that subject. We fill in the blank with what our insecurity is. Right, right and so in the situation of someone who's been assaulted when people are silent you fill in the blank with what you've seen with other people which is like they're not on your side, right? And that's really hard. What is there anything that like you heard people say that you found was particularly just like if not helpful at least better than silence. I mean even like a funny meme or you know, like a memory on Facebook or you know, even like people commenting on my dad's a photographer. So he likes to post pictures of me, you know, so people like, you know, Thinking, you know thinking of you guys and I have been very open about my story and everything that's happened to me since the night that it happened. I think the first time I met you I think it was like after two weeks or something that I told you my story and yeah why I ended up where I am, right? So it was one of those things where I was like, you know, even if you Don't know what to say necessarily about the assault like you don't need to say anything about that. You know, you can say hey missing you or I'm thinking of you or like how are you doing and people will respond to that, you know, yeah totally and that was the hardest thing was trying to explain to people that like, I'm Still Human. Yeah, you know, you know, I was actually I was doing some writing. Leading up to this because I did want to make sure that I was asking like questions that are useful for someone who's listening like whether they have been through this or they know someone who has because I think it is a gray area where people just don't know how to respond and everybody's so different. So that's what that is. One of the reasons why I started this episode saying that like what you have to say is not representative. Everyone's fear is because I mean like I even think on one episode 19 I had on Amy Cunningham has a funeral home director. And I love that. She said that she always just tells people I'm here for you. Yeah, because we do all have such different responses. And I remember I remember when my grandfather passed away and people kept coming up to my grandmother who English is not her first language and and she's a linguist. So she speaks like probably six or seven languages and she's a lot of criticisms about the English language one of them being. That when someone goes through something we say, I'm sorry. Yeah, I remember her snapping at like a friend of hers, which is like also horrifying when you see like an older person snapping it like an even older person actually snapped it like this like nice like 80 year old woman. Like my grandma was like in her early 70s at the time. She was like, do you know this person comes up and is like, oh, I'm so sorry and she just snapped them and she yelled at them. Like why did you kill him? Yeah, which my grandfather was on. Murder the yeah, he died life like, you know health issues. But when she said that I think people just don't know what to say and I think oh God, I forgot where I was going. Let me roll my notes. I don't know you can go ahead and I will so I read. I'm totally blanking on her name too. Oh, I remember one two three. So what I wrote was sometimes it feels like people want the survivors of sexual violence to be more broken because it's easier to understand and it feels more actionable from the outside because people if they see that someone who's gone through that is broken, it gives them something to potentially fix right but it also does exactly One of the things that I'm always butting up against which is reducing people to one dimensional beings. Yeah. And so I think and I've even thought about this when I've had people close to me passed away or like when my grandmother wasn't doing well while you know while you and I were working together because we met through work and I thought like oh my God, like, how do I go back to work after this thing happened? Because I can't stand pity eyes. Yeah, but I call them like Yeah, like I'm still just because something bad happened to me. It doesn't make me not a person right, you know, just because it's and it's the same thing when I've been dealing with depression is like I don't want to be around people and feel like they're all walking on eggshells. Yeah, like I'm still a normal person only capable of living totally and like the fact that when you're going when you've gone through something that is that traumatizing and I think specifically with sexual assault taboo. Yeah people aren't the talking about it, which is one of the reasons why I asked you to be on the podcast and I'm so grateful you were open to it, but people aren't used to talking about it and unfortunately, I mean, I would love to say let's not normalize it but unfortunately it is normal. Yeah, like most of us as women have been assaulted in one way or another if not raped. Yeah. So what's abnormal though? Is that like if that many of us are getting assaulted that means there's that many people out there assaulting people exactly. They're not walking around getting treated. Yeah you differently like they're broken right when like they're the Brokenness. Yeah, yeah like yeah, I mean that was the biggest like realization that I had because I felt so alone, you know, I as far as I knew out of my group of friends was the only one that this had happened to and I was like, what am I supposed to do? I don't have anyone to relate to and you know, it was a lot of like older people coming to me and saying, you know like that happened to me and you know Oh and seeing them, you know like move on with life and get married and have kids and you know, I was stuck in such a point where I was like how do people even do that? You know, like how do you move on from something that is surrounded your life and consumed like all of your energy everyday for my case lasted for 4 years. Wow, so it consumed my life for a long time. So What was like what took so long? Everything so back to Title Nine I had to do a there was a lot of like interviews and back and forth Witnesses were not being cooperative with the investigation. They had a hard time bringing people in and you know, getting statements from people lawyers got involved which then like affidavits were signed and statements were changed and it was just all this back. Fourth I basically just had to play along with the game. I my dad would always say, you know, I mean they're going to they were going to come up with whatever crazy conspiracy that they could on the defense side right to see if anything would stick so that he could get out of it. Hmm. So I mean the whole time it was just like just the voice in my head was just like, you know, you know your truth and you have to stick. Your truth and like that's all that matters. And so I did the Title Nine hearing came up, which was a Skype interview that I had to call into and that was the first time that I had seen the perpetrator since the accident the accident the event is the way you all Skyped. Yeah, so they were all in Montana and I was out of state right and so we all Skyped and basically I was And and Witnesses were questioned and he was questioned and they came back a day or so later with the verdict that they'd found him guilty. And so they kicked him out of school, which was a huge accomplishment because long did that take until that happened from the time of the assault. I think it was like two and a half or three years. So he had just been attending school this whole time. He I don't know exactly if he had kept going. Okay, but I mean he could have yes been going to school. Yeah, so he got kicked out and then which was a huge deal because I think it's like only three percent of Title. Nine cases actually get prosecuted. I think at the time that was like the statistic. So it was like very slow which wasn't that many years ago, right? That was how it was 2015 16. Okay. Yeah so which it probably honestly still the same right? We asked them to imagine. Yeah climb dramatically. Oh and then he successfully enrolled in another school. Just meeting that he didn't check the box that he had been kicked out of another school. Got it. He went to another school out of state. So they didn't do a back ground check or anything. So we knew he was at school wandering around at another school. And I mean the whole reason that I follow through with the case was like you said I didn't want it to happen to anyone else and if I could be the one to prevent it I would go through that and I would do it all over again to make sure that like other people are safe from him. So After that, I was also doing the legal case which was more horrendous because of the detective that was assigned to my case. He was just harassing me and victim blaming me and you know telling me it was my fault and I should think long and hard about if I really want to press charges because I'm probably not going to like see Justice and if I was his daughter he would tell me not to Press charges and just move along with my life. So I really like all along the way was you know, being deterred from pressing charges and can you file a complaint against detective like that? Yeah, so he there was like a last straw. We're finally we were just like he's not helping at this point. He's only hurting so he got kicked off of my case, which also was a big accomplishment because it was like a small town where Wasn't that many choices of detective right? So he got kicked off and basically the case just moved forward from there and then it was I we were scheduled for a trial in August of 2017 and I had just graduated from college and I went on a like two weeks study abroad trip to South America and I knew when I got back that I was going to have to do this trial and I was thinking about it and I was like, there's no way in the It in the time that I am in this position that I would be able to convince 12 people of what had happened to me in a red state. So I chose for him to take a plea deal instead. Okay for criminal endangerment, so he doesn't have any rape charges against him. But he has criminal endangerment. What does that mean? Hell, I don't know the definition. I did just so he won't be on the list is what you're saying. Yeah, so he's not like a sex offender. He couldn't register as a sex offender or any of that but he has it on his record that he was in that he is charged with criminal endangerment. So we went to court in December of 2017 yesterday. Yeah, 1028. Yeah, and He I had to go face him in the courtroom. And I you know, it was like the most surreal thing to you know, you're sitting in a victims advocate office, you know that you have to be buzzed into and it's you know, you kind of feel like a zoo animal just because of you know, the way that the security, you know, just to make sure that you're protected and that nothing's going to happen. oh and I had to go sit up there and testify which was probably the hardest thing that I've ever had to do because I was one of those kids that if I had a book report would skip school and pretend to be sick because I was not going to stand up in front of people and talk so fact that I had to like go stand up and defend myself and confront this person that did this thing to me was It was very cathartic. I guess to be able to say what I finally like needed to say and get the words out that I have been feeling and the disappointment from the people that turned their backs on me. And I think it was only like an hour long court trial court case that happened and we the judge found him guilty of criminal endangerment. which basically meant that he was going to be taken into police custody and evaluated to see where he would be placed next whether it was in like Prison jail or like a mental, you know, just like, oh get mental help. It's um, like Therapy Center or something. And so I got to watch him get taken away in handcuffs and he had anticipated that he would maybe be in jail for two months and he ended up being in jail for a year and three months. He was just released I think in March okay of this year and how I feel for you. I it was like a mix of emotions because when I like first got the news that he was getting out. I you know, it's immediately immediately. You're like, what am I supposed to do? Like do I get a restraining order? Is he going to come after me? But do I have to worry about you know, of course and I talked it through with my Advocates and my family and went to therapy about it to try to figure it out and I Basically came to the realization that I am living my life and I'm sure that he is ready to move on with his life and to keep you know doing what he's doing and I'm hoping that he you know is better and got the help that he needed. But I honestly I didn't even realize the day that he got out. I didn't even realize that it was the day how liberate I know and after all the time that I sat around and you know, what if I did this and what if I did that to actually realize oh like I didn't stop and think about it today right was probably the greatest like part of knowing that I am healing from it, right? Because I spent so much time. Like we said, you know feeling so broken and like people were going to look at me differently and blame me for what happened. Yeah. So so when something like that happens to you, especially with what you experience with having so many optional Witnesses who chose to back out that can really sort of tear whatever. Trust or faith you have in humanity what has helped you like rebuild that that trust or any degree of trust in people. I think that yes, it was disappointing that those people turn their back on me and that they didn't help to tell the truth. But having the people around me that do love me and care about me and seeing how much they you know Pig. The up and made sure that I was doing everything because it was true to myself and I wasn't doing it because I felt like I was being forced to do it right made it a lot easier to forget about the people that left totally. Yeah. One thing that when it comes to victim-blaming one thing that I was thinking about that So insane because you know, I think anyone who has been assaulted as women. The first questions were asked is like what it will where were you and what were you doing and like you mentioned before right? Like what were you drinking and stuff like that? And I think it's so I think for a long time I thought that was normal because I grew up hearing those sorts of things. And it wasn't until probably the last few years that I mean at some point much earlier. I for sure realized right that's not okay, but it wasn't until recently that I just sort of realized like the absurdity of it because like people like when your home is broken into or like when you get in a car accident, yeah when you get in a car accident and you were like, oh, yeah this person hit me nobody's Well, what did you hit the very wearing? You know? Nobody's like yeah. Well, did you make sure your brake lights were on right and how that is like It's just wild that was so part of my healing the like they my year anniversary after the assault came around and I was like I need to do something. I have been dealing with this for over like a year now pretty much like with my close family and friends and I want other people, you know coming from a small community. I want other people to know that this happened to someone that they grew up with. And you know, they went in to played soccer with a normal person, right? Who's still being normal? Yeah, exactly. So I wrote a Blog and I part in the blog I wrote about how I could walk down the sidewalk and get hit with a baseball bat and get knocked out and the police would come running and they would put the whoever hit me with a baseball hat baseball hat. Baseball bat in handcuffs and we do, you know do something about it. Right and the fact that the most appalling thing when the assault happened was I was at the hospital and there was no the police were never called there was never a detective called into the room to take a statement to you know, figure out what happened where I was and because I Call the police at the scene when it happened. They technically couldn't. Go and arrest him. So yeah, so they said they told me that if I would have called what after it happened called the police. So the house that then they could have arrested him but I decided to leave which who wouldn't right which is I mean, that's probably the safest call to make my when I know the situation that I was in I was like I need to get out of here. Yeah. So yeah, I mean it was like Very it's I mean it goes back to you know, the things that people need to know and what to do if these things happen, you know, there should be a like you I mean, I don't want to say should. Well people just shouldn't be reading people. Yeah. Yes exactly. It comes down to that. But I mean it's important to know that you you can get a rape kit done. You can go to the hospital and you can you know, get swabbed and scraped. So it throws out nice when you're really selling yes, I know redo. Yes, you can go to the hospital and get a rape kit done. You can call the police hmm. Well, but you should do both of those things right is what it sounds like that you you should probably have a hard time putting a should I should with it. Well, I only say that I agree with you. I think I'm saying should from the perspective of to not especially if you're in like you were a small community. Where they are very quick to victim blame ya were you can really protect yourself? Yeah by doing those things. But even if you do take that those steps, sometimes it doesn't it does hold prevent the blame or you know, it's really, you know yourself best and raccoon need to bake the call for yourself and whatever you choose to do is what you choose to do and you know, since I wrote my blog I have had so many people reach out to me and you know, tell me their story and share with me, you know their experience and I've had people come to me and say I've never told anyone before but like, you know, it's inspiring to know that like other people are talking about it and even with the me to movement, you know, I mean, it was such a Key moment in my case because it really started to evolve and change and be talked about and understood on a different level. Yeah, when I was going through my final court hearing right because it was a part of the public discourse that versus which in a way I mean as horrible as It was for you to have to deal with that for four years. Yeah in a way. I do wonder if the result would have been different if it would have gone to court right almost right away because that wasn't part of the public conversation at that point O and it wasn't it wasn't a socially taboo then as it is now the victim blame, right? Yeah, especially if you're in a small town. Yeah, and yeah. Indeed. Yeah. Well, I think that's all the question. Let me look over my notes real quick. Oh one more question. Yeah, you've been very open with me about this. It sounds like you were pretty open, especially like with year mark with the blog how has your openness and your own like internal and external dialogue shifted around this overtime? Well, that's a good one. I I feel like I've become like a more optimistic person. I have a lot of empathy for anyone going through any trauma. I really feel like it's so important that you know, I don't think it's fair to say that any traumas the same, you know, no two trauma is alike and to be able to share my story with people. gives me the ability to also understand other people's stories, which I really value and appreciate and you know being able to be someone that helps others to process and guide I guess during a trauma is really rewarding to be able to Be the help to someone that I wish that I had, you know just from being from a small town and you know having someone that I had a lot of support luckily and I'm hoping that I can be the support for anyone who doesn't have any other support. Yeah. I want to be that one person that like people know that they can come to me and I will they can confide in me and We'll help them in any way that they need me to and make sure that you know, they're healing in a way that's right for them. Awesome. Yeah, thank you for being on. I really appreciate that and I could talk for hours. Well, we do something thanks. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of hashtag BTS podcast. I know that that was heavy it is I don't know. It feels weird to record an outro on a heavy subject and not sound somber but this is also a lot of people's lived experiences and like we talked about quite a bit in this conversation. I would venture to say that most people who have gone through being sexually assaulted don't want to be treated like Or just like like pity eyes and things like that. So I think it's also fair to say that as mentioned the terrible. Thanks for asking podcast called unbroken was really great where Sarah I believe is the guest name was saying that people do expect sexual assault survivors to be more broken than they are and that is not necessarily. In fact, it's not at all like it's not up to survivors of a salt. To live up to other people's expectations of what that looks like. So in light of that that's why I don't sound somber because it feels like counterproductive to the overall sort of message of the podcast. I appreciate you listening music on this podcast is by Benjamin both are mm and I hope you have a lovely day take a bath to relax if you need to after this guy.
Content warning: this episode is essentially 100% about rape and sexual assault survivors. We DO NOT discuss what actually happened, & instead focus on life after being assaulted, pressing charges against one's assailant, and healing from trauma. This is the view point of one person who has been assaulted and is not to be considered as representative of what all survivors feel. I (the host) do not claim to be an expert on trauma and I'm sure I don't use all the correct language all the time. Read the blog post mentioned in the episode from the guest here: http://bit.ly/39AzENV Terrible, Thanks for Asking "Unbroken" episode: http://bit.ly/2Fp9GiA Reading reco (not mentioned in the episode, but worth reading regarding trauma): "The Body Keeps the Score" read the summary here: http://bit.ly/35sLWEO Find & follow #BTSPodcast & join our FB Group to connect w/ other listeners & submit questions! 