Welcome to Soul sugar. I'm your host carry rad. You might know me from my videos on YouTube. I love to chat about all things self-care self-love living our very best lives and finding our inner magic Soul. Sugar is a community of blooming Soul Seekers like sugar for your soul. Welcome back to an all-new episode of Absol sugar podcast I am here with Tommy from brick. He has come up with a three-step program called The Brick method to help people get off of their phones more in this always plugged in world. This is crucial and I want to know more about what you're doing. Thank you. Well first thank you for having me on the show very honored and very flattered that I'm the first male on the show you are. Beyonce exactly, so you're like the first outside mail because Alex has just like party like become part of Soul sugar. So I guess I feel like doesn't count. I feel like this is yeah. This is you know, like I love that you appreciate that like when we talked on the phone before and you were like I feel honored I was like, I'm honored that your honor and this is why you're on because well, yeah, I mean, we'll talk about the brick method. But when I first started brick there was a few people that responded saying that the name but very masculine as I was, you know deciding the name of a company is kind of like naming a kid. I've always been focused on trying to make it for both genders or all genders and gender neutral to be on a show that's called Soul sugar. I feel like those fit with what brick is and to have hopefully your listeners respond. I think proves that suits. Well, that's why you're here because you do think about those things and that's really special and I think that of course like Soul sugar, Is a place for this conversation and just the fact that you are trying to be inclusive in that way is one of the reasons why you're here, but another reason is because of all the cool stuff that you're doing and the important work that you're doing. So tell us more about brick tell us more about where I'd love to know like the backstory of like where it became brick because I know that your background is in neuroscience and that you worked for DreamWorks and that you were Steven Spielberg's this Austin for a while there, so you have a really cool story and if you could share that with my listeners, I would love that. Yeah. Sure. So yeah, I have a background in neuroscience and was working on a six-year long gestating project that finally got published which was really amazing on this one portion of the brain and around that time. I was offered to yeah be Steven Spielberg just system on his next movie and I was like, you know what I love science, but I love the results of science. I don't love conducting this. Science research let me take this amazing opportunity and bring my science interest into film. So I basically yeah served him for for five years and then he in 2015. He promoted me to a new position in a new Department as the junior digital executive. And so I was tasked to explore what Dreamworks Studios was going to do Beyond film and TV. So like what are we doing on Facebook? What are we doing on Instagram and Snapchat and VR and so it Was through this kind of exploratory position that I got to know a bunch of influencers and YouTubers and people who are in this space and they were younger than me and kind of revealed to me that they were incredibly isolated and felt this that they need they were in this constant Rat Race for needing to create content. If it was Instagram, they know they needed to post every day or if it was YouTube. They needed to post once a week at least to keep on top of the algorithms and over time. I think they were experiencing. Lot of stress and burnout and they are also younger than me. So they didn't realize that life didn't used to be this way. It's kind of just in the Advent of the smartphone at the time. I knew that I had compulsions to over use my phone if it wasn't even a full-fledged addiction addiction. It was at least definitely overuse in dependency on my phone and it was affecting my mental health. It was making me irritable and Sleepless. I would check my phone in the middle of the night to make sure there wasn't an important email coming in and it was really in control of my life. I I was not in control of my life. And so I decided to try to tackle this problem with a daily challenge to myself. This is now in 2017 quick anecdote related to this. So my favorite thing in the world to do is read and I have this bookshelf in my bedroom with like a hundred and fifty books that I bought over the years and for years. I had only read like three of the books and I would spend every morning and every night in bed. Just scrolling and swiping and checking. Nails and my bookshelf would just look down at me with glared down at me like a like a to-do list of a life that wasn't well live and I mean it was literally my favorite thing to do and I was filling my time with this unintentional time on my phone. And so I challenged myself to put my phone down to turn it into a brick for an hour a day to read and over the course of that year. I ended up reading 28 books that sense of achievement of taking back control of my time and doing Literally, my favorite thing again was just so Priceless. It's what I now know is called a keystone effect where you create one Behavior change and it creates a Cascade of other positive behaviors. And so my life really opened up after that. I started to feel more confident in the real world. I could now put my phone down when I was in social situations just with that one rudimentary life change of one hour a day to do something that was meaningful to me. And so that was where the brick concept started and I challenged some friends. Hey, Do you want to turn your phone into a brick for an hour a day and do something that's meaningful to you for a week? See what happens they had an amazing response couple of them ended up deleting Instagram because they were like, wow, I realized that it's actually making me feel worse and which wasn't my intention but still pretty interesting and then a few of them are like this was really great. But I kind of wish that I could do this with other people and so I was like, that's interesting. Let me let me try throwing phone-free experiences and events. And so I started throwing What we'd call Brick events which were phone free game nights and dinner parties and it just kind of grew into takeovers a venues often with a focus of Wellness, but always with a focus of creating more meaningful connections. And so yeah from 2018 till now we've been about two years of doing events. We now do full phone free weekend getaways where we'll get off the grid with like 55 people into a secluded either camping area group campsite or a secluded a hundred and ten. Or property mostly strangers and it'll be either fully programmed with yoga and meditation and other activities or it'll be kind of Choose Your Own Adventure and use the time to reconnect with yourself and other people in the natural world and more recently. We've kind of gone a step further and I now offer what you were describing as the brick method which we described as a three-step transformational program to help you take back control of your phone habits. So so many of us today suffer from um, what's called Low volitional control when it comes to our phone use and volitional control is kind of like saying the ability to say no to an unwanted habit. So if you're trying to focus on work, if you're trying to focus on something that's really important, but you find yourself checking Instagram and you just checked it and minutes ago. You have low volitional control or if you're checking your phone while driving and you know, that that's unsafe and you don't really want to be doing it because you have your kid in the backseat or just because it's unsafe. For you might hit somebody that's low volitional control. And so that was something that I realized I was struggling with and I took that kind of rudimentary practice daily practice of turning my phone into a brick and have taken the past two years of research and development and now make this an actual training that we that we lead in new private one-on-one coaching like a digital wellness coach and then I also lead workshops that we have at our at our weekend Retreats and around La. Why it's such an important thing to be paying attention to right now and to be there helping people out because you know, I can relate to the Creator content creator bar now and feeling like we always have to be connected but I don't feel like that is just a content creator problem. It's so many people and I started noticing that through my friend groups because I hang out with a lot of people who don't Do what I do for a living but they are experiencing the same problems and I thought it was an isolated issue at the beginning and I thought that that feeling of isolation and loneliness and dependent on technology was because I'm a content creator and this is what I do. And so this is just part of it then I started realizing wow. No, this is everybody like even older people who grew up without technology and that way like, Without smartphones, you know, I can remember what it was like without having I remember having a pager but that doesn't mean that I haven't been able to become addicted to it at some point multi-generation. It's multi-generational and I think what's really fascinating is that 15 year olds today don't know what life was like before that. Yeah, and so it is something that is crucial because you're right it does it like it's not safe and in terms of check Your phone when you're driving and having this addiction to it and you you mentioned, you know, the one thing that really like is true for me today. I've really put in a lot of work to be away from my phone more. I remember when I was single living in Silverlake in my apartment. I remember like that. I was at the worst with technology at that time. This was probably about three years ago where you know, I was living alone, so I didn't necessarily have anything. NG to be away from my computer at that time really and so work was like my number one thing it was my passion and my business was growing and I was just consumed by it. So I would wake up in the morning and I would put up my lights and I would put up my camera technology and then I would take all of that and I would put it into my computer technology and I would edit it and I would be in front of my screen and then I would upload it and then I would share it on Instagram and then I would answer my emails and then I would go to bed and it was just this consistent thing that I Realizing. Oh my gosh like I this is not healthy. I'm feeling lonely. I feel so isolated in this situation and then the more and more I started to realize that the more I realized. Okay. I need to like take steps in in the right direction here. Also. I'm just going to like, you know fall down this slide of technology and just never come back the other direction. So I think it sounds similar to what you experienced in terms of that. And you had some really crucial things at your disposal that you had experienced that you could Implement into your life. And the fact that you're sharing that with people and sharing with people how they can get through that. It's important to Stage like it's real. It's very real. Yeah. Yeah. I mean this this new burgeoning industry that we're calling digital Wellness, I believe is essential to Wellness to having, you know to improving your mental health and I really liked what you were just saying it's kind of Like why the classic Chef you think of is like an overweight guy because they're just surrounded by amazing food all day. And so they're going to eat it and we kind of suffer from that. I mean especially people who are creators or people who are in in Creative Fields the stimulation from their phone and the sense of you know, the follows in the likes and the responses that you get are. So engaging they are like just like candy they are just like the donuts that a chef might Have or a cook might have in his bakery that give you that same pleasure chemical of dopamine, which is this endless searching neurochemical. What we're trying to train people with in digital Wellness is to be a skinny Chef so you can be surrounded by all the amazing tools and foods of digital Foods or reap the rewards of your digital labor without succumbing to it and eating it for breakfast lunch and dinner, but only having it for dessert or having structures around it, so that You're not only consuming junk food all day. Yeah, so like be the skinny Chef. Yeah, and I know for me my first step and I want to ask you more about the way that you your steps and how your steps work and how you can determine really how somebody if somebody is addicted to their phone and we'll get in to more of that. So what I know for me like I would wake up in the morning before and always check my phone when I was in that phase where I was just really addicted to my phone. And then now what I try to do is when I wake up in the morning, I won try not to keep my phone in the room and I went through a phase where I was so good at this and then I like one day just because my charger was in there. I just started putting it back in my room again. So I keep it across the room and when I wake up what I try to do for an hour is to just have my coffee sit on the couch with Alex my fiance with Dog and just have our coffee and communicate and just be present and that's something him and I both practice so it does we it does make it easier. I think that things come up in our relationship sometimes where it's like somebody checking their phone at dinner or whatever and then the other person gets annoyed by the person checking their phone and I think that that's so common in relationships today or potentially some people aren't even getting annoyed that the person across from them is on the phone and they're just going to be on there's two so I think that there's different Parts of it. I know that something that you know, I want to ask you about two is like how does that affect a relationship and what have you learned through that process and there's just so many questions. I want to ask you. So first off. I want to know more so what the steps look like and how you can determine so kind of just like tell me that pasture. Yeah. So with the brick method the name of the game is volitional control, like I said, so that is your your will power your self-control. And so many of us today because we were and I actually don't have my phone on me. But because we I have Phantom phone right now. We're like, where is it? Yeah, because we're handed this amazing tool that has more technology in it than what got us to the moon in 1969. I mean, it's missing this supercomputer in our pockets, but we weren't taught how to use it. And so so many of us are now dependent on our phones because we've been over stimulated by that dopamine that we get from every and every email and every like and so we have low volitional control. So what we offer to help people understand where they're at. Do they have digital dependency? How are they dependent on their device or are they in control of their phone? We have what we call the volitional control survey. It's on our website, but it's basically just a 10-question survey that allows you to determine what your volitional control rating is and you get a percentage and then that's something you can also treat as like a Baseline and then As you continue to work towards digital Wellness you that can change over time and you can use that as a metric for improvement. So that is something we could do. You want to do the survey on me right now? I guess it's okay. I'm nervous because I know I'm I think I'd be better than I was three years ago, but I know I'm not perfect in any way shape or form and I'm not either and remember I reason why I'm doing this and I created this company was because I had a problem and I wasn't seeing any structures in place that was working to solve it and it first started out with Community. I mean when you're surrounded by people who have the same values of you or are doing healthy things, you're more likely to be healthy and follow through and commit and I feel like that's actually getting into what I was going to say about relationships where when you're just by yourself. You really have to set up rules for yourself, you know create it's part of like environmental design. And how can you set up a lifestyle and environment for yourself where you're not going to be tricked by your own Temptations? How can you set yourself up for success? And so again to use the example of food, if you're trying to go on a diet every good trainer would say, you know, first throw away all of the food that you snack on. That's unhealthy throw away all the cereal and the cookies like just don't give yourself easy access to it make it impossible to do the bad behavior when you're alone. It's really all up to you to be like, okay, what is intentional use and what is unintentional use that will leave me feeling worse when you have a relationship. It's amazing for a bunch of reasons one is that love as an emotion that something that you share love has been shown to be an antidote for addiction. So I'm not calling this full-fledged addiction. But even if it was as bad as an addiction for many of us love has shown to increase the feeling Of self-worth if somebody loves me then, you know, there must be something worth loving and maybe it is worth me working towards having better habits. And so having that in your life is obviously something that not everybody has it at any given moment, but can also be a really great impetus for improving habits and then they can be your accountability buddy your accountability partner and sharing that yeah. Definitely. I also think that it could you know be something That you could argue about like if somebody is on one side of it and they're like, I think we should not have our phones at dinner and then the other person may pull it out. Sometimes I know for my fiance and I like we go through phases like right now he doesn't keep his phone in the bedroom and mines in the bedroom. You know what I mean? So there's things that like we go through phases so and before my phone was out of the bedroom and his was in it and and now he's like, why is your phone in the bedroom now and so it's like it's this interesting dynamic. Hammock, and so I think that I'd love to get more tips from you. If you have them in terms of like how to navigate that but first I want to do I want to know how I did I answer we're going to take the volitional control survey super short 10 questions. No pressure. Nobody's perfect. What I will ask you to do is just yeah, maybe maybe even just close your eyes if you want and I'll ask these questions one by one you don't have to do anything except say yes or no if you feel like these statements apply to you and don't think too much. Much about it. Just use just kind of the immediate response. If you're feeling yes or feeling a know as the first feeling will be got you we need okay, I find myself checking my phone out of habit for no specific reason. Yes. I opened my phone for a specific reason and then lose track of time on it. Yes, I find myself checking my phone when I'm trying to focus on something more important. Yes. I check my phone even when I don't want to. No, I wish I spent less time on my phone. Yes. I checked my phone in the morning right after waking up. No, I check my phone one last time right before going to sleep. No. If I wake up in the middle of the night, I'll check my phone. No, I check my phone while in social situations even when it might be inappropriate. No, I check my phone while driving and not just a navigate know. Okay, so you scored a 60% volitional control rating which would put you in the middle category for volitional control. So that means that you it's classified as having impaired volitional control, which is still very strong. It's Other than most people today, it means that your phone use is likely feels like a nuisance or yeah, it's frustrating. It might be kind of annoying to you. But you have control over a number of behaviors. There are still a number of Phone habits that you do not have control over. Yeah, and that sounds about right because there are things that I feel in control of and before I didn't there were there was a time where I didn't feel in control at all just In terms of like why am I checking this thing all the time? And because it is part of my work to it was like I'm working kind of thing. But and use it as an excuse It's not and so you still need to detox and be away from it. And I think that like if we're all honest about it, then it's a step in the right direction because you know, I can sit here and say that I've never had a problem doing like, you know what I mean, and that's easy to say, but it's not the case. So I think that if we're all honest and like we own up till the fact that like we do, Into this and it is a challenge. I think that that's the first step and so I think it's great that you have that survey where people can really get the questions the hard-hitting questions that are like. Hey, like let's really see. Yeah. I really liked what you were saying there because I feel the same way and I think that you know, what we're also trying to convey here is like by being honest about it is that there's no shame in it these apps in our phones and the phones themselves have been designed to be addictive. So it's not our fault that We are now feeling these compulsions and feeling this dependency on them. We are working against the top smartest thousand engineers in the world that are being paid big bucks to keep us hooked. Yeah, so it's really an uphill battle. And I remember I was feeling like it was my own shameful problem that I wasn't in control of my phone use that it was controlling me. And and now that I've released that shame it makes it Actually easier to act on it they say that shame is actually a disincentive to Habit change. And so that's actually I think what kind of one of the issues of screen time is, which is that app on iPhones. It tells you how much time you're spending so often people end up spending twice as much time on their phones than they think they did before they launched screen time. And so that kind of makes you feel worse because you're like, oh my God, I thought I was spending like two hours on my phone, but it's really for five hours and so when you Feel worse, you don't actually put in the work to improve your habits or look into it. And so that's kind of the first that's the foundation for digital wellness. It's like it's okay that we're not perfect and wanting to improve your habits is the first step and hopefully the volitional control survey allows people to take something that they might not think was an issue and realize that it could be better and then the rest of the of the brick method and what we offer in the brick communities is That yeah, and it makes sense because I mean shame isn't a way to get through anything. You know, like when you start with shame then you're just so clouded by everything else. And I know for me the most frustrating thing is when I'd say like this is my biggest problem when it comes to my phone is when I am working I'll be on my computer and I'll need to get something from my phone to send an email. I need to like Look back at something look at numbers for something look up a phone number check up a photo or something like that and that transition from workspace to cell phone. Sometimes captures me right to where I just remember even just yesterday just getting frustrated and thinking oh my gosh, like why am I checking Instagram right now? I'm supposed to be getting this thing for work and I in that moment, especially because you and I had been talking and I was looking up more about like what you do. I was even becoming more aware and paying more attention because I think Eating brick just in itself makes people think more like what it is makes people like take a step back and think okay. Yeah, that's probably important because I'm looking at my phone a lot. You know what I mean? Yeah. We're labeling something that didn't exist before exactly exactly. Yeah, and so like talking with you and like researching more about what you do like led me to the moment before even like knowing more. I was able to like notice that take a second and go. Oh wow. I'm like getting lost in my phone right now when I don't want to be yeah, you know what I mean? And I guess I should have answered. Yes to one of those questions though because it said do you check your phone? When only when you want to be or do you check your phone when you don't want to be and I might have said no. I meant what I said. Yes. Let's let's check. Yeah, I find myself checking my phone when I'm trying to focus on some. Yeah, of course I said, yes. Okay. I was honest. Yay. So yeah that That's my that's my biggest thing and that's the thing that frustrates me. And yeah, I probably do feel shame around that at times because I try to be the best version of myself and I think we all want that and I think that having access to your right this like incredible technology that can tell you anything at any time like how how do we not pull that out as much like how do we not become addicted to it that specific behavior that you're talking about reaching out for your a phone with a specific intention but then getting lost and doing something else on your phone is the most difficult thing to change because it's a lot easier to not check your phone if it's in airplane mode and it's across the room and you can't reach it you are doing what you're talking about of the environmental design where you're making it impossible for you to do the wrong the bad habit, but if you're in the realm in the digital realm it is so Arius and and you see a text you didn't think you were going to get I mean you're we have evolved to respond to novelty. What is the rustling in the bush over there? I mean with that helped us survive for millions of years because that could have been a jaguar or something or another Predator. And so we are constantly we are our most basic basic primitive part of our brains constantly responds to new and so if you are going to your phone and you're seeing a new red notification, which also heightens the dopamine response, that is like Millions of years of evolution that you're fighting to then only look at that photo that you were intending to that's where your Neuroscience comes in handy because you can go back and really look at that and think okay, like why our brains working this way? Yeah, and so it's accepting also I think even just releasing The Narrative that we tell us about that too. I mean this these devices are optimizing our vulnerabilities. It's going to be it's very difficult. That's where the No control comes in where you are in Christ that in the brick method as we increase the volitional control you go from being like, okay. I'm going to my phone for this intentional reason and I'm not going to get lost in something unintentional and every time you feel that craving to let me just check Instagram or check text real quick instead of succumbing to that impulse and checking that other app. You will still feel that craving to do it. I wonder what's new is called often the the kind of little feeling that we tell ourselves. But every time you don't do that, you stop reinforcing that behavior because neurons that fire together wire together and neurons that fire apart, why are apart so if you feel that craving and you do react to the impulse you allow yourself to get distracted you're reinforcing that the next time you reach out to your phone to do something purposeful. You're more likely to get distracted. Yeah, so if you're able You just sit and be with that uncomfortable feeling of not checking of not seeing what that new notification might be accepting that light but it is delivered a negative. It is an uncomfortable feeling as opposed to a strong negative feeling of loneliness or boredom which we can also feel associate with our phones you no longer start RI you no longer reinforce that that bad habit and overtime it diminishes all together. We will get back to the episode in just a moment. But first I want to tell you about today's sponsor care of care of is a subscription service that delivers vitamins and supplements customized for your specific Health needs you take a short quiz and answer questions about your diet lifestyle fitness and health goals and care of puts together a personalized plan just for you. I've talked about care of before I've been taking care of vitamins for at least a year. Now when I first took the quiz Is on take care of.com I loved how easy it was for me to navigate. I also loved how specific the questions were to find out my health goals by the end of the quiz it recommended exactly the right vitamins for my needs for me. I was specifically interested in heart and brain health and other vitamins that would help with stress and energy. I also absolutely love how cute the individual packets are they are perfect for travel and have cute little thoughts questions or challenges. Azure facts to help get you thinking in the morning my vitamin packet this morning had a quote and it said believe you can and you're halfway there by Theodore Roosevelt. I'm with you Theo, I like it. So at the end of the day care of vitamins are a super fun and convenient way to keep up with your health on a daily basis. I love how customizable it is to you and your needs and it makes finding the right vitamins for you a seamless process for 25% Off of your first care of order go to take care of.com Soul sugar and enter the promo code Soul sugar. That's 25% off of your first care of order and you'll go to take care of.com Soul sugar and enter promo code Soul sugar. Thank you to Lola for sponsoring. Today's episode of Soul. Sugar Lola is a female founded company offering a line of organic cotton tampons pads and liners and they now offer sex products to I'm on my period as we speak. And thankfully I had some Lola tampons to save the day for me when I started yesterday. Obviously, I start my period every single month and Lola makes starting my period every single month a little bit easier Lola subscription is fully customizable so you can choose your mix of products. You can mix your absorbency your number of boxes. Is and frequency of delivery Lola subscriptions are super flexible. So you can change skip or cancel your subscription at any time. You can pick your products so you can choose from organic cotton tampons which are available in a bpa-free plastic applicator or in an environmentally non applicator format. You can choose pads or liners and all natural cleansing wipes, or you can add a box of each the sex by Lola line is available by subscription as well. So you can add that to your period subscription so that everything is conveniently delivered on Our ideal schedule. You also do good when you purchase from Lola so for every purchase they donate feminine care products to homeless shelters across the United States. Like I said Lola save the day for me yesterday when I started my period I didn't have any tampons in stock besides my Lola ones and because they show up at my door every single month and I have to deal with my period annoyingly every single month. It makes dealing with my period every single month a lot less annoying if there's anything that makes my period less annoying. I'm very Wait, so I got you guys a code for 30% off of your first month subscription. You visit my Lola.com and enter Soul sugar 30 when you subscribe. So that's 30% off of your first month subscription. You visit my Lola.com which is M why LOL a.com and enter Soul sugar 30 when you subscribe 30% off of your first month subscription at my Lola.com and enter Soul sugar 30 when you subscribe now, let's get back into the conversation. Ian What do you think about the feeling of feeling frustrated by it? Like for me, you know, I will not necessarily frustration. But almost this like turn my phone over don't want to look at it don't care if it's ringing type of thing. It's almost like I'm sort of mad at it for being what it is doing mean like even even my fiance feels that same way sometimes like because we're both content. It's like we're both like oh like get this thing away from me. And I think that that's probably healthy to a certain degree when it when it I mean, I don't know for sure but I would think because what it is, it's it's me realizing the frustration of the fact that it is addicting and just like keeping it away and wanting it to be away, but I think that there's probably a happier place to be in where it's sort of like and I do feel this very much so at times where You know, I feel like I'm going to put my phone here and I'm going I Garden so I go out to my garden all the time. And that's my favorite place because I like sometimes I'll do stories out there if I like feel like it but most of the time honestly like all leave it inside and I'll go out there and just garden and that's a hobby that I've developed that keeps me away from my phone awesome because I think that if we don't have a hobby necessary like you really love to read and I really love reading too. So I Stand where you are coming from there in the cool thing about reading is that we can't really do anything else but read what do you think and that's how I feel about like watercolor to like I can't really do any so I guess it's a little bit easier with watercolor but there's things that I know for me that's been helpful in my path is like developing these habits or these hobbies that keep me away from my home from my home my home. My that's done. My phone is my home. I know but keeping me from my phone, you know in these situations where I'm like really loving this experience. So I don't feel as the I don't feel the need to like grab for it as much because I'm living here. Yeah, and in this moment because I'm enjoying it. Is that a habit that you think is a healthy one. Do you think like what are habits that you recommend in terms of relationships or if you're a single person trying to be off your phone more like if somebody Isn't able to attend one of your events right now. Like what do you recommend? Well, I mean I think gardening is what you're describing is a replacement Behavior instead of checking your phone, which is awesome and is also something that we promote and we coach people through with the brick method you've found gardening and a bunch of other things yourself like watercolor that I think is super important my stuff. Yeah, it's reading it's surfing I think anything that that you do for its own sake not for accomplishing it it's not trying to finish it. But the purpose of it is to do it. It's kind of like the difference between play and work things that you get into a flow state where you kind of lose track of time or you eat might even lose lose a sense of self. You're just so deep into it that yeah you get into that flow that flow State that's really helpful too because You're doing is you are getting dopamine in the real world. You're getting that pleasure neurochemical, but you're also getting oxytocin which is this. It's actually it's like having a full meal. It's the group bonding neurochemical and it's released during meaningful experiences, especially with other people. So when you get that oxytocin from gardening with your with your fiance and then you come back to your phone you feel full so you don't feel the compulsion to get that dough. Dopamine, it's just that candy is not as tasty anymore or at least less likely to get lost into it. Yeah. One thing that I wanted to talk to you about is morning routines on YouTube. There's a really popular video called morning routine and almost every time I watch one of them, it's somebody who's guiding you through their morning routine and every time it's a girl waking up and she's like and the first thing that I do is check my cell phone. I mean, oh, I mean everywhere like And they're normally a little bit younger like I'd say I'm 31 now. So I'd say like, maybe they're I don't know 18 to you know around that area and it's so it's such a normal practice that it's not weird for it to be in the video for like younger people to see and it's literally like a girl opening her eyes and being like, you know, once my eyes adjust I check my phone and it's it's so common and I feel like I look back at that and it's going to be like waking up and smoking a cigarette. I think I think it can be extremely detrimental to your day to I mean for one when you're sleep when you're asleep. We used to think that the brain rested like we rested but Recent research shows that the brain is actually just as active if not even more active than we are awake. And so what it's doing is its consolidating memories. It's solving problems for you for the upcoming days. Weeks it's you know, it's resetting a bunch of neurotransmitters so that you can feel rested. But when you wake up your you come out of this dream like flowy creative state and it's an opportunity for your also extremely suggestible. So it's an opportunity for you to decide. What's your intention for the day? What is the what are the most important things that you want to do? And how do I how can I take my time? To be fully present in conscious in it. And if you use your phone as the alarm clock and then end up looking at it and then end up opening it and responding to seeing everything that's on it. You are immediately switching out of that creative flowy suggestible State into this over stimulated cortisol inducing which is the fight/flight, you know, it increases your anxiety and stress where you're seeing everyone else's emails and to-do lists for you. They say that your email is actually Is everyone else's to-do list for you and your very suggestible to that because you're in you're coming out of theta and these lower brain wave States. And so if that is the first thing that you're seeing in the morning that then becomes the Baseline for your entire day where you then have as the foundation this kind of low-grade anxiety of eating to you know, your failure to fulfill your to-do lists and just go go go and you might not ever accomplish your Your intentions for the day, you might not even establish what they are. And so I think that part of the general issue today of why we are seeing an increase in anxiety and stress levels is because we are checking our phones first thing in the morning and we are putting ourselves in that sympathetic dominant state, which is that that fight-flight state that I mean, you have the entire world you're seeing news from from the president. You're seeing the fires locally you're seeing, you know text from Your mom that you know, you need to figure out how to respond to like, it can be very it's not bad to look at in general and respond to but especially when you wake up when you're in that suggestible state it can it can then set you set you there for the rest of the day. Yeah this day and age when things are so stressful like, you know our political situation we both live in California where there's fire is going happening left and right it can be so it can be a really intense thing to wake up to and Also waking up to work to sometimes you know, because you can wake up and open your email whether you are content creator or not. You're opening your phone and you're checking your email potentially or even a text message from your boss or whatever. It might be and you're going straight into work. So you're not having a moment where you're like, this is for me. Yes, and I think actually that like that is that for me has been helpful in my process is saying like the mornings are for me like an hour of my morning is for me. So no cell phone no responding to text messages from anybody that revolves around work. I'm lucky in the sense where I do like waking up early. So that first hour is like nobody's even you know, really texting me about time because nobody's up at 6 a.m. And you wouldn't even know anyway because your phone's an airplane exactly exactly, but I don't but I feel like if I wake up earlier, it's my time and no one's also nobody else is awake yet. So it's like it's also meal Liking to wake up earlier because it's easier for me to take that time. Yeah, because I don't think that anybody else is awake so I don't feel the pressure but that's really smart, you know, because it's just like that moment for me to have that time. And so nobody's needing that time for me. And so I feel even that's how it was easier for me to do it. Now. I just feel good about not having it around until I need to but it was easier if I was just like, okay. Well I wake up. Really anyways, and nobody else is awake. So I'm taking this time back to myself. Yeah, there's a great brain coach who says that the morning should be about output not input. So if you're waking up and you're seeing all these inputs from other people you aren't able to output and do things for yourself. So whether it's journaling or writing or for me, it's trying to figure out what are my top three priorities for the day and then I also work out in the morning and so that allows Sighs me too. Now. I'm the same way my first hour of the day's phone free. I charge my phone at my desk in the other room. I mean, I have a very specific routine that is structured for me to feel a sense of accomplishment and build momentum towards a feel-good day of progress before I even check my phone because if I check my phone, who knows what is going to come up with? I mean, it could totally change the trajectory yesterday. My parents had to evacuate from their house and Oh if I hadn't already had my morning routine, I mean that would have I was able to respond better and more fully because I had already built up the momentum to be fully present with them respond to it things like that. When you're dealing with security stuff to that can be hard with the phone isn't there a way on cell phones though to side note like question. Maybe you would know because I just heard this from somebody because Cuz they were able to unsilenced like one individual or like a specific amount of people. Yeah, you create VIP of the I just reach for my phone. Again. You create a VIP list. So that would be like your loved ones your parents, you know, your partner and anyone else that calls you your phones on do not disturb so it doesn't ring but anyone that's in that list. It will go through. Yeah, that can be really helpful. You can also change that at any time. So it's I go during the work day. Maybe you are waiting for a specific. A call from your boss and so that would go through but I keep my phone on do not disturb all day. Yeah, I texted you earlier to see if you got into the building. Okay. And yeah, I got your Phi and I was like, this is awesome. Yeah, that's so that's brick mode, which is one step further from do not disturb. So not only am I not seeing the message but there's an auto-reply that anyone who texts me sees so that they know that I haven't seen it yet and it relieves me of the pressure of feeling like When I do go back to my phone and I see that notification flood that I'm behind on responding to all the messages and and you knew that I wasn't ignoring you. Exactly one thing that I definitely wanted to talk to you about that. We haven't talked too much about yet is your events. I want to know more about your events and what they're like and all the things cool. Yeah. So we our last event was called an instant choir where we get 70 people into a room of all. Singing abilities and the leading Voice coach and Lala transforms us into a live choir with a live band button and we always sing a classic nostalgic 80 song usually so this was a hollow note song You Make My Dreams Come True and I was going to do but then I decided not to oh, you're gonna come are you know, I was gonna sing that song. No, so that's a to our experience where someone like me I mean into the closest I'm ever going to get to being in a band. And and it's filled typically with a bunch of strangers who over the course of this two-hour period group singing actually boosts oxytocin that group bonding neurochemical faster than anything else. So you come out of that that experience having sung with all these 70 people you haven't met but you feel a sense of community and connection so that again when you go back on your phone, you're like, my phone's nice, but but I'll just check it for five minutes before going to sleep. You don't get lost in it and It's a really great Community Building event. It's filled with people who have always felt that they had a horrible voice and have never sung outside of the shower and they end up just letting loose and feel really good about it. You kind of get high on these natural chemicals people just doing something that a lot of human beings are so afraid to do and being together doing it and not only is it cellphone free, but it's also just like getting rid of comfort zone just like break. And I love that and just like the idea of being in a group of people doing something fun. Whether it be like the choir or whether it be the trip to Joshua Tree that I saw on your Instagram like people getting together and like the fact that nobody's using their cell phone to take photos or stories or done. It'll like let me stand by this Joshua tree and get a cute photo or and maybe you can like with film cameras. I noticed you guys had film cameras which are so creative and so cool and so amazing to be able to use and There's a big difference between a film camera and using your cell phone just because one using a film camera. You have to be there, you know to take that photo and you have to be very present because you only have a certain amount of film. And yeah, so and you're developing it later exactly think of what you're gonna just the description. It's not instant gratification like a cell phone, so Just thinking about something like that and people being present in that and looking into each other's eyes and being there and experiencing it then in that moment is such a luxury. Yes day and age which is so bizarre, but it truly is yeah. It's a luxury and I think it's a necessity. I mean we are starving for that and that's what's been most valuable. I think with the brick Community is that we're just giving permission to people that want this to be phone free with other people. It doesn't feel good when you're hanging out with people and they're on their phone. I mean, even though it's been normalized. It's kind of rude. And so we're trying to denormalize it and when you I mean it's amazing. I would love to have you at an upcoming event, especially with the weekends. It's incredible how quickly people Bond will be there for two days and it feels like two weeks because you're just fully present and fully engaged. There's one guy. I remember from that Joshua Tree trip who was like listen, man. I can never have Member anybody's name and it's just like something I've always had my whole life and and he said I effortlessly remembered 53 other people's names on this trip and he's like it's just because I was there and it was just easy there with everybody. So there's a lot of really interesting discoveries that that you make and even if it's realizing. Oh my god. I've liked thought about my phone 50 times today and oh wait, I can't check. I can't show you that photo of that mountain. I climbed last year like Realize how often you reach out to it with that. You didn't didn't think you did. Yeah it because it is it unfortunately has become a comfort spot for us and one of the things that I find fascinating in your work is that you're starting to realize that people are utilizing the phone as you know away to avoid social anxiety, which I think is really interesting when you look at it because it is true when you're in a conversation and you have it's Getting awkward for a second as human beings were kind of like we just grab for our phone because it's like this comfort zone and that is so interesting that we do that and it's so real you can't do that when you're at a phone free event how so you sit in that discomfort that momentary discomfort and that's where relationships are built instead of you being in an elevator with a bunch of strangers and pulling out your phone, which is what typically everybody does. I go back to what we used to do which is like, oh my God. I like really like those shoes. Where do you get them? And then suddenly you might have a conversation out of the elevator and you know, where the next good shoe sale is in a new friend you can go there with and so it's in those interstitial moments that start uncomfortably where relationships are formed. And so we are every time we are using our phone to get back into that comfort zone and not feel that uncomfortable LOL of silence or I don't know what to say next and just sitting in it we're doing ourselves. As a disservice, I mean we're reaching out to our phones. We use social media to connect with people were using it to to get that sense of connection. We are tribal creatures. That's how we evolved but on our phones, you know, it's all surface level. You can't I guarantee there's nobody that you met. Well this could be a big claim. But how many people that you've met through social media that you haven't met in person. Could you ask to help you move? I don't need you to answer specifically, but I guess just more rhetorically. I feel like you don't make deep connections through the comments and the likes deep connections are formed in person with people that you share experiences with I get what you mean by that for sure and I think that what is interesting when you did live your life at a certain point without social media, it's easier to maybe meet somebody through social media. Let's say and really gravitate towards the the feeling of what it felt like to actually connect with somebody like so if there's somebody out there because I know for me in the social media World, it felt really surface-level for a long time when I first started doing it just like you said and and it and it was a lot of the time but then when I was able to find certain people who like valued human connection as much as I did it was like sticking to them like glue because it was like, okay like, you know, you're in the same field as me, but you also Like to put your phone away and look at me in my eyes and communicate with me and you're also on this path of like learning how to not be on our phones all the time. But I think what's really interesting too about what you're talking about is like with in younger people to because like if you're a 15 year old and you've always had a cell phone that feeling of social anxiety and picking up your phone when you feel uncomfortable is just almost part of your nature. Yeah. I mean, they definitely have it the worst because their Brains and their social structures are developing in that over stimulated World. These events are great for them to like take like to know what it feels like to just be forced to keep it away and to recognize like the fact that you were talking about that when they're at those events. They think about oh, I keep trying to pull my phone out like those are things that like kind of like they need to experience to like actually physically feel the addiction. Yeah, awareness is required before you can change anything. Absolutely, you can't change something unless you're aware of it. A lot of people are aware of it, but might not necessarily think it's an issue. Some people are just completely, you know, just think that that's the norm because that's how they grew up and the younger you are probably the more likely I'm not exactly sure. But yeah, I mean I think for them, I can't wait to our our community is currently more like Millennials, but I can't wait to take bricks message and Mission to high schools and colleges and I feel like when I first started this Social media was cool. The number of followers you had is kind of like what made you cool and what I'm trying to create is yeah, you can have social media. You can have a lot of followers you can you can have a highly curated profile and that's that has value but there's other things that also have a lot of value and exist in the real world and you're never going to be fulfilled truly fulfilled through the digital realm. I think that yeah sharing that message with them. Hopefully will resonate so that so that they can know that the new cool is maybe having it but not making it your priority. Definitely. How can people find an event to go to on our website go brick now.com events is where we show all of our upcoming events. We're going to soon announce a bunch of events for 2020. We're going to be doing more weekend getaways, which I'm super excited about. Most of the events are in Southern California with the brick method and the ivett coaching. Yeah that all you can sign up for a free evaluation on our website that can be with anyone anywhere in the world. Yeah to be in La I encourage the listeners to definitely check that out because it's really for me. It was really cool to take that survey and just like see my percentage and we don't normally think about those questions on a daily basis and we use our phones so much on a daily basis. So stopping for a second and asking those questions is important and I would love to come. To an event that would be so cool. And can you tell everybody where they can find everything that has to do with brick? Yes. Go brick now.com is our website. Our Instagram is also at go brick. Now. Those are the two hot spots where you can find. Most of it also texts are number text the word brick two eight four, four, four two seven two, five two nine. That's our priority text list if you want to get your invites and updates by text, I mean all Your listeners and followers. I know are interested in mindfulness and self-improvement and finding a healthy balance for themselves and self-care. And so yeah, I'm just honored that I was able to share the message of digital Wellness to them and hopefully it can be a part of their lifestyle if it's not already. Yeah, and I'm so honored to have you on to because what you're doing is so cool and your background and where you come from is So special for your journey and it just makes so much sense that you're doing what you're doing. So thank you so much for being here and being on the podcast. And before you go I'm going to make you do a soul sugar moment because we do that at the end of each the episode. Okay? Yeah, I'd love to offer a short exercise that anybody can do if they're feeling a craving to check their phone when they don't want to so if you're trying to focus on something more important or if you've just woken up in the middle of the night and you feel the urge to check your phone and you've listened to this or you're trying to practice what we're what we're talking about. I would love for you listeners out there to think of one happy memory. So give yourself a minute to decide what that happy memory is and the moment you feel a craving to check your phone and whatever the situation is. I want you to think about That happy memory instead and that happy memory will be the antidote to checking your phone. The human mind doesn't know the difference between an imagined. Experience and an actual experience. So every time you think of that time you threw the final pitch at the baseball game, which is one of mine or that one day with your significant other on the beach every time you reflect on that. It actually releases chemicals in your body as if it's actually happening those feel-good chemicals and so often when we're checking our phone, it's we're trying to feel better. Leave, you know, I wonder what what the message is. And so if instead of getting the dopamine from that get the dopamine from a feel-good memory, that's what I would be my sole sugar moment. I love that. I'm going to do that, too. Thank you. Well, thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it so much and thank you all for listening. Talk to you guys soon in an all new episode of Soul sugar podcast. Thank you all so much for tuning in to today's episode. I hope that you enjoyed it while you're waiting for our next episode come chat with us over on the Instagram. It's at Soul sugarcoat. That's at SSO you LSU? G Arc o we give you a daily dose of inspiration over there. Also. It is the best place for us to communicate together and I love hearing feedback and advice from you guys over there as well. So definitely come on over and let's be friends there.
In this episode of Soul Sugar — we are joined by Tommy Sobel of Brick: The Digital Wellness Co! Carrie (@carrierad) is joined by Tommy Sobel of @gobricknow to discuss the brick method. Tommy created Brick after having worked in the influencer space and saw the epidemic of phone overuse and burnout. He realized this wasn’t just happening with influencers. It was happening all around him. Carrie and Tommy discuss how you can figure out if you are addicted to your smartphone, what Tommy calls — “low volitional control,” and the steps you can take to take control and pick up your life again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Find Brick: The Digital Wellness Co on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/GoBrickNow/ Find Tommy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tommysobel/ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Care/of — For 25% off your first Care/of order, go to Takecareof.com and enter promo code, SOUL SUGAR. LOLA Organic Feminine Care — For 30% off your first month’s subscription, visit mylola.com and enter SOULSUGAR30 when you subscribe. I’m your host Carrie Rad! You might know me from my videos on YouTube. I love to chat about all things self care, self love, living our very best lives, and finding our inner magic. Soul Sugar is a community of blooming soul seekers. Like sugar for your soul. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ CONTACT SOUL SUGAR — ➭ If you are a listener, you can get in touch with us here: soulsugarpodcast@gmail.com ➭ If you are a business, you can get in touch with us here: soulsugarco@gmail.com ➭ Follow Soul Sugar on Instagram @soulsugarco https://www.instagram.com/soulsugarco/ FOLLOW CARRIE RAD — ➭ Follow Carrie Rad on Instagram @carrierad https://www.instagram.com/carrierad/ ➭ Follow Carrie Rad on YouTube: Carrie Rad https://www.youtube.com/user/CarrieRad/featured ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Production Manager — Samantha Belgarde https://www.instagram.com/samclementebelgarde/ If you enjoy listening to Soul Sugar Podcast — please rate and review the podcast! 