Hey, it's mined gold if I sewed 13, which I'm really excited about. But before I talk to you about what we're going to talk about on episode 13, and with who or whom if you're going to be that guy. I just wanted to thank everyone who gave me positive feedback about episode 12, which was obviously the still who pursued featuring just me. Yeah, because that was like a bit of a Scary thing to do, I guess because you know the whole imposter syndrome like as what I'm saying worthwhile. Is it resonating with anyone? Like why am I doing those? What's the point does anyone care kind of thought process which I struggle was a fair amount in most of my Pursuits. So it was really nice just to hear from people that they like valued what I was putting out there and I guess appreciated. What I was trying to say, I guess thank you. So yeah, I really appreciate that and thanks Jason who was the inspiration behind that episode? So yeah, I feel not should about it. So that's great. Yeah week's been pretty stressful just didn't like, you know my other job, which I never really talked about on here because you know, I don't want to like bored people away. Yeah, but it's okay. I'm okay. Looking forward to spending some time not there this weekend and I'm really excited to have our next guest on the podcast today. So her name is Sophie has it over and she is what I would consider a high-performance human. I was actually speaking with her the other day because she was asking me I like what sort of people do you have on like what's kind of urine? In behind it and I was like, well, there's not really like a specific theme. It's more just like if I find someone's habits or someone's story or someone's mindset motivating and I feel that like them sharing it could help others then like that's the sort of person that I want on. So it doesn't matter if you are an athlete if you are famous or anything like that at all, it's it's mainly just the mindset and I guess I like, you know, there's kind of aspects of this that I like seeing other people and I'm just like fuck that school. And Sophia is definitely one of those people so I've known Sophia for maybe four years, but the first time I met her I used to work at a gym up the road and she happened to be doing a training session there with her coach who happens to now be my coach And she was like lifting some pretty heavy shit pretty well. So I you know being the creep that I am like went over and just like introduce myself. It's like hi. You're strong. Can I be your friend? And yeah, basically now we are friends and we've been friends ever since so it's kind of cool. So yeah, I'll let Sofia tell you a little bit more about her because she knows a lot more about her than I do, but basically the reason she is on here as I think we can all learn a lot from her high performance habits. Yeah, because she's a fucking Legend and she has some serious big dick energy, which hopefully will get into in a little bit. So yeah, thank you so much Sophia for joining us today. Go. Hey Sarah, how are you? There? You are fancy seeing you here fancy seeing you here in my apartment. So nice of you to spend your morning with me and Graham. And your first cuddle first cuddle first coffee. He intoxicating he is the day he is it's so funny actually had this like random personal Instagram. Is this a thing for you g get ran a former student Instagram all the time? Yeah, right. It's where everyone gets a creeper. Yeah. Anyway, this wasn't a creep. This was like a really cool lady like basically unless it's like a dick pic or like a gross comment or like a snitch man. That's fine. Yeah, you know, so anyway, this lady was like hey, Just thought I'd let you know like I really don't like cats but I love your cat. He is the best at I'm like fuck you lady. Oh, that's a compliment such a high compliment for him and he always gets that because they usually hate cats they meet him and it's like who you are and so cat he turns you does. He really does look at him beautiful cat he is doing their job. We're not literally just going to talk about great we should do it probably could. How are you? How are you? Oh my god cracking like I'm real croaky right now because you literally got me out of bed high-performance attitude fell over did not hear a single a literally this is really good because my whole intro is about how like high performance habits and like you're like the embodiment of like high performers that I'm like outside your place being like mate. I'm outside. Where are you? I'm just putting on my pad because it goes both ways. Like I'm functioning in a hundred ten percent all the time when it implodes just like leave me to my mess. In a day, I'll be fine. Yeah. No, I definitely understand that when you're like at such a high level of functioning. It's like you go through it's like all or nothing. Yeah, basically yeah, somebody want my ass for me like which graduation dinner a couple of days ago and my partner was amazed at how incompetent I am when like the stress falls off. I've had a couple of drinks and I just I just can't a dolt so he was impressed how I go from like a running the event to like, oh laying on some grass going home. Moving that's the best though, I guess is that balance. Would you define that? It's balanced. I honestly I actually think it shows how little balance of got because I've either got it all together in like a military Precision or I'm tired. I'm over it and I've got nothing together. Yeah, so those patches never lost because I can't afford to let them last but there's definitely like a spot of time every month or I'm just like I can't handle I'm gonna lend been watching Netflix a conduit. Yeah my God, I have these exact same things interestingly that they want some answers. Yeah, because yeah, let's talk about what you're actually highly functioning at because the I just assume that everyone knows everyone that I talk to ya about but you know, let's say literally no one knows who you are and what you do in which case shame on, you know, I'm not that special. I just know a couple Legends like this on your best a show. So what do you what are you high performing in currently? Sure. So since none of you know me at all. I retired from Olympic lifting few months ago. I was pretty good at that but concurrently, I've been polishing off a law degree. So it's my second degree. I've got a degree in politics both from the University of Melbourne adequate enough grades, like sitting on a distinction average, even though worked and supported and life. And you know all those things gosh, what else am I doing? This seals on the law student Society. I was a third-year representative, which means I had to put together the yearbook and graduation dinner and deal with all the mess that comes with helping coordinate 350 highly functioning highly stressed people. I'm also on the committee of our weightlifting Club as a secretary. So helping sort things out on that respect earlier this year. I did some teaching in one of my favorite subjects. The list goes on sale price is a lot going on. That's exhausting. Yep. Objectively. Yep. So when do you finish so you finish your degree this year? No, not quite so some shit went down middle of the year. So I've had to extend and push some subjects over to next year. So I'll finish around June next year. Okay, but the end is in sight. Yeah, definitely quite like this is the last painful semester off that it's just a bit of research and elected by love and that's it. So how did you find try to balance being a high-level athlete with obviously being in a profession almost that's also very high level and at some point you obviously had to make the decision where I can't be doing these two things to the to the level that I want to be doing them. Something's always going to give right and if you've got to Pursuits like a highly passionate about it's not going to be either of those. It's everything else and neglect family. You neglect friends. He neglects mental health. You neglect sleep like you neglect everything that's not showing up to UNI showing up to work showing up to the gym. Yeah. So everything else just Falls over and you accept that that's just the cost of trying to multitask at a high level in several things. Because you got to be an idiot to think that you can perform highly as highly as you want or multiple Pursuits. So not only did I have to give up everything else. I was going on in my life. I also had to have a real expectation check in terms of well exams roll around around Nationals every single here. I'm necessarily going to perform worse at both than I would if I was focusing on just one. Yes, you've got to do an expectation check like the best you can do is no longer about I work the result I'm going to get is going to be what I deserve. It's going to be well fuck night make some make some adjustments because it's just physically not possible and whatever you can do is going to have to be enough. Yeah. And I guess that's from someone who has really high expectations like of yourselves and obviously your performance that's quite hard to accept I would imagine for sure know it sucks especially because like everything we do in life whether you like it or not. It's competitive in the sense of comparative. So like even competitions I'll see girls that are you know, my weight class my skill level and because they're you know, they've got a part-time job and that treating themselves as athletes full-time, but I recovered performing better clearer. All those things like fuck man. I could be doing that but I'm stressed a shit. I sit down for 20 hours a day. Don't sleep enough. I eat weird. Like there's all these things that you took off in your head where it's like I could be that good. I have the potential I could be better than you but I've got the stupid law degree to deal with. Yeah. This is that like reality check on both sides. The equation is really hard. Yeah. Yeah, I think actually I heard somewhere that I think it's Like beyond having three things in your life that you're focusing on like you literally can't don't the capacity to actually handle anything else. So for example, you've got like family relationship work training like one of those things is gonna so I'm gonna give full fuck off right? So I mean for a long time I was single and that was great because much free time. Have you got mates about next level? Yeah, you know, so you've got time to put the germ-free and a half. Yesterday, you know in the evenings you're fucking mobilizing you doing yoga. You're reading you're going to bed at 8:30 and you feel so good. And then you meet someone and suddenly like your life schedule. Should I schedule just because you're like well, you know Thursday nights, I would normally go to yoga. But oh, but we could have date night and it's like motherfucker the bit that really sucks me asleep. Yeah. Well, I love having a partner. I love loving my partner. I fucking hate anything messing with my sleep. Yeah, me too. I'm an ogre like him. Yeah. Yeah bad because we're so busy. I'm sure you'd be the same you were really tight schedule very long time and he's howling. All right, we've got to be here at eight and then we've got to get this and then you do this and then I'm going to go here. Yeah, like, okay. I'll just get in the car. Yeah, exactly leave rusted like Tanana a six and a half hours sleep. It's gonna be awesome. But your partner's there. Of course, you're not going to get six and a half hours sleep. So your mediocre rusted sleep gets even less. Yeah, look up feeling grumpy because you're behind on your sleep. Now you have an optimized out. You need to recover it's not for us. So I guess I mean at a high level like you're going to have to make sacrifices whether that's you don't have a relationship. Yeah, are you work less? All these things are sacrifices and I guess it's like how much do you love that vocation that you're willing to and what are you willing to sacrifice for it? Like for a long time like having a relationship having a social life for me. That was worth sacrificing. Yeah, and now I mean I mean, I mean people say have said to me before that. I don't have balance and I'm just like so obsessive things that I'm into but I guess I've always thought and I guess you kind of touched on that earlier. Is that like if you are like a hundred percent passionate about this thing and that's what you want to fucking do like, you just can't really have balance like it's not really as much of a thing balance is such a it's just a fiction. I think I think she's in there. If you want to be impressive if you want to be good you're going to scare people and you're going to make choices all the people don't respect you can escape. Well, that's fantastic. I totally agree and like the intensity with which you apply yourself to what you're passionate about is fucking scary. You are obsessive you are Marik because there's all sorts of there's also the cost of if I fail I've made all these sacrifices for nothing. Yeah hundred percent and people aren't prepared to do that and I'll prepare to back themselves to that level which is why they look at you and me and they go you don't have balance. That's bad. Look at me. I have balance and like no, you know drinking Friday Saturday night you achieved. Oh, yeah. Well done. What have you got to show for? Ooh, yeah, exactly. And I mean I suppose I would rather like pull out all the stops and like if I don't get to where I want to be I'm not going to say oh, that's because I didn't really try. It's like I literally gave it a hundred and ten fucking percent and that happens to be my best effort. Yeah, you know and if that's not getting to where I want well, I don't have anything to blame it on. Yeah, but I think the people would so much rather have these excuses and be like Oh, but my relationship oh, but my my job all but this it's like wow making excuses for mediocrity. Yeah, exactly and I How bad do you want this thing? Yeah, you know don't fucking tell me you want to lose weight. If you're not going to do what it takes to lose weight. Don't tell me how to be successful. If you're not prepared to do what it takes. Like we all talked about how CEOs get five hours of sleep and they, you know do meetings on the treadmill in the morning and she like that. It's like ha ha that's hilarious. Whatever. I'm like no fucking isn't that's the cost of being successful in a high-pressure career. Yeah. It's the same with everything. If you're not willing to give it what you know, it takes shut the fuck up. You don't actually want it you like the idea of exactly and that Has plenty of other things in life that you can be doing that don't require being at the gym. Yep. Half the day. Yeah, you know, but fucking pick something. Hey look something in pick something and be good at it. Don't be shitty everything mediocre everything. That's the best don't be shitting me. She's a fucking Legend depths. I she wants the Olympics in synchronized swimming amazing. The bitch is a Savage like she retires from synchronized swimming. He's in law school gets killer grades transitions to Brazilian jiu-jitsu. She's got a comp tomorrow today that I'm going to also she's an absolute Savage anyway, but her yearbook quote is be less shit. Like her life motto is just be less shit. That's so good. And it definitely understands the intensity. She brings to everything but in short piece something I'd be fucking good at it. Yeah, go ahead at full Pace hundred percent. Yeah. She sounds like she has some fucking big dick energy or massive. Have like she's 58 killers on the fat days and she's a small human but she is Savage. That's amazing. Yeah, that was the other reason that I wanted you to be on he actually something together to make Duke Energy thing. So for all of you who don't follow me on Instagram, I started hashtagging this bde big dick energy thing came about actually this is quite hilarious story because I Emily and I am Ali Basket who was on and really a podcast. I was helping her coach a couple of weightlifters at a comp recently and I was videoing these guys when they were lifting on the platform and obviously like videoing whilst going fucking come on. Yeah. I didn't get out of here general just aggressive levels of encouragement and one of the guys I was filming Alex he sent me messages. Later on in the day and was like, I just showed these videos to one of his housemates and his housemate was like fuck that chicks. Got to have big dick energy. He's like the best compliment. I don't ever I was like like zero literally take the big dick energy then we started training day anyway, so that's how it started but having looked at This concept further because I can see why it could be misconstrued or potentially be offensive. I'm not really bothered. If it's event. It's a vending you right now to be honest. I was gonna paint it. So Anthony Bourdain famous chef very aggressive and I guess his and his manner like a Gordon Ramsay asked kind of this is fucking me deal with it. Obviously a really high achiever. A lot of masculine energy, I guess from him. So when he passed away recently someone put up a Twitter comment about him like rest in peace bubble blah and made a comment about his big dick energy. And that is actually where the concept was born, which I thought was quite interesting and you my friend possessed this big dick energy. Good. I'm glad I think like for me what it means and it To do with like having a dick being man, I guess the reason that it's called Big that energy as it refers to a guess a masculine level of this is fucking me salty or that self-assured confident and I guess like Unapologetic an apology. Yes, that's fucking at yeah. Yeah, and this reminds me of that time at training that those girls tried to come in and use the bathroom. You're like note members only. Bye. Just like so blunt. And so like you cannot use our toilet. Yeah, and I was like, that's so hilarious like those Concepts behind it because there's signs and shit. It's time storm the fuck in would like some time alone that dump but he's still mad about it. I like I'm a big human so I'm aware that I can intimidate if I front up the someone. So I generally don't I give people space whatever you're not even that big as just your aura of. Big big big dick energy like it's just you're on your metaphorical dick existing funding from your body. But which is like giving people suffice if I walk the word see the bitches stole down the hall this entire horde of dumbass. It faces like they walk into a public bathroom. This is a private Stadium. Yeah, super secure this he has finally died of what I have to fucking stick gym anyway, so they stole me in and I like pull my hand out like you can't use the bathroom here because it's not a public bathroom I could Ross the oval there's a fucking public bathroom then like like making bullshit excuses why they have to use our bathrooms like no members only turn around go so they have some more weight or guys, by the way, they're like 12 years old. They are not 12 the like 16 probably drunk already anyway, so I turned around send them on their Merry fucking way and I'm seething because we had a similar situation of while ago and so I looked about Google review about how the coaches at our gym on rude and I'm like to be fair. Some of them are but it's just that I turned away from using up Issa and they'll like all the coaches a whole lot of really really rude and like no one not. It's a private Stadium. I told you to leave I didn't even swear you I'm just wearing it all the way off. I've opened a word. It's such a word and that's the word. I was perfectly delightful tomb just forceful. He could say yes, but blunt blunt. Okay where to put it so they've been introduced a big dick energy. Another form of not being allowed to use the bathroom, but I guess a more may be productive way. This is yeah of applying this energy would be in the sort of Industry that you are now in and also obviously as a weightlifter like that's a sport where you know, it's kind of like I'm going to fucking lift this heavy weight. It could possibly you know crush me in the throat. Yeah, for example, it could break me it could break the kids out here. Yeah, so you've got to have An amount of aggression in a certain amount of I guess it's belief in yourself and believe that you fucking deserve to be here in this moment. And I think that's why I like so many awesome checks that I know like you and Emily Emily Katie like we attract these similar women who have the same. No, you can't use our fucking toilet. Yeah. Well, it's such a it's definitely a mood. It's exactly what you said. It's it's me in the bar and either I'm going to win or gravity's going to win. Yeah, and if I don't win it, Could end it really badly so you can't back yourself halfway lifting isn't a halfway sport. It's not like I'm not going to pick on any sports but it's not like I'm taking a shot I missed. Oh well if you miss a heavy lift, you will fuck yourself. Yeah, so you either back yourself entirely or sit the fuck back down? Yeah, which is what I admire about it. It feeds into that problematic attitude. We've got of All or Nothing. Yeah, like it's like what that doesn't Foster or encourage a balanced way of thinking. Yeah. There's no nothing half a step. No, nothing. No, you're not gonna like go to pick up that way and then be like, oh, maybe I just left a half way. Yeah, I'm gonna still a half wrap. But what does that actually though? Literally? I did do that yesterday. It does happen. Sometimes just missing wife, but like on a proper Max attempt of a snatcher clean. You don't really have the option of going halfway. No and there's no way that you're going to come back after a compen. So I was going to be what did you feel that left? I didn't really didn't really try on the yeah. Well, you didn't fucking try on that one. Yeah exactly. Really, but I guess like the industry that you're now and then we are going to be working. I guess what predominately for the next fuck couple decades. Yeah, exactly. Maybe there are some I mean that's so fucking Cutthroat as wow. It isn't it isn't right because Cutthroat implies like a problematic sense of I'm going to succeed or you're going to succeed there for you're in my way. Yeah, it's not necessarily like that because the industry is hard in the sense that like the generation before us went through. No one gave a fuck about how you're doing as a person because there's ten candidates for any job. So it's like a very adult appropriate phrase to use for is like so like a pump and dump industry. They use you extract value from you you burn out your problem kind of thing. Yeah, I think that's like to shift and yeah, it's still a thing like it's a hard industry whatever they work you hard but you just have more options and because you have options it's less personally competitive. It's more like well, I want this track. I know it kind of sucks. I know it's really hard with this is what I want if you don't stick around here you go do something else that's for you to decide on yeah. Okay, so it's less cuff her and more just intense and Different Paths of different degrees of like Financial reward emotional reward intellectual reward. Yeah. It's just that yeah. What so what sort of specific area like will you are saying five years? What are you going to be doing? What would you envision yourself to be doing? So because I only finish middle of next year. I'll start my graduate position either like September October next year or March the following year because I've got a couple of intakes. Thinking corporate for the foreseeable future partly because for one the corporate training programs are so well-heeled. Like if you get into a big top-tier corporate firm, they'll pay for your training. They train the shit out of you like you walk out a very functional lawyer' lawyer ring machine because they invest so much in you because they do hard work high-value work high profile Works. They need their Juniors on point. So definitely corporate the start with because the training is off chops. The reason I might stay in corporate is Only corporations have the money it takes to change the law. Okay. Sure. The legal system is fucking expensive and for like the small guy to get an outcome that fundamentally changes. The law is so expensive that it only happens very rarely when a charity or a non-for-profit bankrolls it so if you want to be at the Forefront of law, you've got to be in commercial law the areas that the money is big enough that you want to run it all the way to the high. Court to change something. Yeah. Okay. So if you want to be at the like The Cutting Edge of the law changing you got to be in corporate at this point in time. Anyway, if anyone's going to change any laws, I can definitely see you being the one to do it. Well, we'll see how we go. It's just going to be like the battle of the big dick energies. That's literally what it is. Yeah. I like top-tier law is very much like that. The people at the top are all exactly like the unapologetically. This is me. I'm better than you all Let me show ya I guess it's like kind of Refined to think that you have to have that certain level of confidence all the time because I don't know about you but I like have a lot of I guess self-confidence issues and insecurities around like who I am what I'm doing and often questioned like am I good at anything as anything I do worthwhile. And I don't know I guess I've always thought that just means I'm not I'm not good at what I'm doing because people who are good don't have those thoughts but have us because you don't know that everyone does that. Yeah, but that's the thing is like the more I've talked to about people about this like imposter syndrome and I haven't talked about this quite a few times across the last few episodes is that you know, I know if you listen to the episode with Celia Piccola, she's a comedian and she's on TV and She lays and you think like someone like that it's got to have like this insane level of confidence. Yes, and you know, obviously like in their ability and the fact that much Everyone loves them and like the getting Awards and they like revered and the got it. Yeah, they've got it but I mean no. Yeah, I was terrified as the aisles. Yeah. No, I totally got that. So it's kind of like you have to just like fake like fake it almost absolutely and I feel like a lot of the time that I'm that I'm doing that, you know, like I'm putting across this level of confidence in my ability and what I'm putting out there to people, you know the inside I'm just like oh my God Please like me. Yep. I totally got that spark. Yeah, it's bad. Um, I went to drama school knows little and the reason I went to drama school is because I only learned English at the age of 10 and mom was desperate for us to get our conversational skills and like confidence up as quickly as possible because being an immigrant sucks being immigrant with bad English sucks more because we're an English-speaking country. We grew up in New Zealand. So mom sent me to drama school and I realized very very early on that if you don't want to MOX fuel level of language skills or for your accent of your expression or anything like that. What you do is you lean the fuck in every time you fuck up you lean in like it was intentional and so you learn to back yourself in terms of like well, if I project that I don't give a single. Fuck what you think about me. You're not going to feel like there's any reward in mocking me. Yeah. So you learn that real real quick. That's bad as a kid Hestia clean the fucking. Yeah, so whenever I'm freaking out the most I make sure that I just become as Unapologetic as possible. Yeah, because then there's no reward for mocking. Yeah my God, that's amazing. I fucking love that. And so everyone that I sent me real. Well, I'm fake it till you make it is literally how I live my life because obviously as I pointed a visual, you know, the same you put in the preparation, you know, you've trained or you know, you studied or you know, you've meal prep. Do you know you've done whatever the fuck you need to do to exceed at the task at hand. Not residual panic and insecurity and all of that it can only detract from your preparation. If you let it if you let yourself implode and undermine the work they've actually done but if you've got the base your brain going I'm not good enough. I can't do it. I fucking hate like your brain has nothing to do with at that point. So you need to go. Well, this is my base. This is what I'm putting out there and I'm just going to lean in yeah. Yeah, I think I say Leah actually mentioned this which I thought was really important. Was that like Just because your brain is telling you something it doesn't mean that it's true. You know, we just we listen to the thoughts in our head like the gospel. Yeah, you know what? I mean? Yep. Yeah. I think that that can often be so crippling and that can stop us from going all in because we've got this little voice in your head saying but what if you can't do it, yeah, you're not good enough and I think to a certain extent we've all got that so it's just about you know, how much of that you taking on board the less you take that on board the more you're actually going to succeed but it's just a Kind of trying to ignore that she was just real quick. And I guess like this is a little crisis. I had I've recently I had a full-blown meltdown a few weeks ago would have been literally about that and like not giving yourself an out and I realized that like, if you look back through all the major things that I've aimed for, I've always fallen just short of the cherry and then from that extrapolate as like fuck man, that means I've been so busy and spreading myself so if down across so many different things Things as an out, so if I don't hit the cherry on whatever it is, I say I'm all in for I've got an out to say well I was doing so many things concurrently. I couldn't have possibly yeah. Well I have exams. Well, I exactly and realizing that I was like creating out for myself by spraying myself. So thin made me like mentally blokes was like fuck man. That's not a high-performance attitude that's making excuses in a different form. Yeah and realizing that fucking sucks because I looked back through and I was like, well, I was point three short of a perfect score out of high school. I was like to punch short of getting a scholarship for my degree. I was two kilos short of the Commonwealth Games. I was you know, a percentage short of this High distinction. I really wanted why because my dad died I couldn't be bothered because I was too damn tired from doing everything else, you know, all of these things stack up and you're like, well, I've just been making myself out and that is fucked. I think your dad dying is a fear out my no fat no fat but I mean like Dad dies you're allowed to take a break. Just FYI. Yeah, that's just one of those things like because you don't factor in a life is also going on. So you give yourself an out by being too busy an actual life thing happens and you fall short of your goals and like well did the best I could so that's something that I want to work on into the future being spread less thin because I want to see if I can actually hit that cherry if I don't give myself the out of well, I'm also doing this at a high level. So I'm actually going to give a decent craft of properly specializing in the next couple of years. Yeah, so is that part of the reason behind your decision to retire from weightlifting competitively? Yeah, so that came down the same time and like Nationals were coming up and like eight nine ten weeks had to go overseas deal some family stuff. I had exams coming up and I was like, well, I could pull all of this off adequately and get sung Praises because I'm balancing so successfully or it could just fucking lean in and do something properly. Yeah. And so I think that's a point in my life. Not now, I want to lean in and do something properly. Yeah was that was that ad if I mean, obviously it would have been a really difficult decision to make I assume hmm. I suppose especially because you're a liberal you are a lot of your identity would have been tied up in that sport. You knew was a weightlifter and obviously being such a big part of the community being part of the wa and all that. Yeah, how did you find that making that decision and I guess I would think it would be more having to deal with people's opinions about it. I think that would piss me off the most um, a couple people did the whole like you could have been so good. You could have done this you could have done that qualified for this and that and I'm like well fuck mate like thanks for that. Yeah. That's very helpful. Thank you for telling me. I've missed out on opportunities. I could have had thank you all so much telling me that I've disappointed you. Yeah, like what? Yeah. A couple people did that thing, but I had a good thought I'd think about it and I was like well overall overwhelming sense of relief because I no longer have to be confronted with the fact that well. I'm about to fall in the rankings because I'm trying properly because I've been overseas bearing my father liked not having to deal with like the crippling anxiety. All of I'm not gifted than you. I just literally can't train enough to beat you right now not having to deal with that is awesome. Yeah, that's not you can walk up onto the platform be like, hey guys, just so you know my dad died. I'd and the 30 seconds before you left. Ya Na and thing is no one gives a fuck as an athlete. What you do on the platform is a representation of how good you are and because I could no longer put in the amount of time and effort that was required partly because of family stuff partly because of law stuff. I could no longer commit as much time as I needed to to say Yep. This is currently how good I am. I realized that even the performance was putting out what below what I could be doing. I was like, I'm done. Yeah. I don't want to be doing this if I can't As good as I could possibly be. I think that's such a commendable cold to make though and I think that so many people would just like flog a dead fucking horse. No, no be like, I'm injured. I'm fat. I'm just going to keep going I'm just gonna keep going but like, you know, and there's always people out there who are going to be like, oh, you're so brave your so, you know and admire that but really it is that an admirable attitude to have like, yeah, like the fact that you're doing something a lot less Pleasant. Even you were you could be Kissing the energy onto something else, you know, the slang doesn't work with your life anymore and you you've tried and it doesn't work. Yeah move the fuck away. I'm a dead horse blogger from way back. That's a different item attitude, right because you'll still improving. Well, I just feel and it's been in a lot of areas of my life like it's been in relationships and jobs and Sport like everything where I'm like, no I got to keep going. I've got to make this work. We've got to make this work and I just like keep trying and trying and trying when like the Time I've got this gut feeling that I'm like maybe you just need to move on that to me like moving on is giving us giving up. Yeah, and I guess sometimes like giving up is the brave thing to do but I think that you know, we've got this mindset as like a culture and you know, all these inspiring stories around them is like, oh they just kept trying and they just keep trying and they got yeah, you know, they've got through all this shit in what they got with a one of them in but it's like whoa, give it some times. You may be trying to shouldn't have thing. Maybe you should have just fucking stopped. Yeah, you know, yeah, and I don't think that every single time. It's like you're supposed literally supposed to keep trying until you spoke and I not like definitely not. Yeah, but let's degrees, right? So for example, like with your lifting we know you've got to dodge elbow. So it's going to take a lot of work to get it to a position where it's actually giving you the numbers you wanted to but I think that's a productive type of plugging away at something. Yeah, because there's Improvement. It's not measurable the sense of like bigger jerks the platform. Time you come out but it looks better. It's more consistent more solid all those things. So like as long as you've got a degree of movement in the right direction keep flogging that horse. Ya soon as you start falling backwards no matter what the fuck you're doing. It's not worth it. And that was my lifting. I was getting heavier. I was getting weaker and I was getting more mentally unstable, I guess because of the stress associated with not performing that I was like am literally about to go backwards and I know it and I can feel It I want to quit before it happens on the platform. So quitting while you're ahead. Basically, yeah would be the lesson. Yeah. Yeah, like I admire people that play tennis on into the 40s and like forth the rankings whatever but also admire like the number one retiree. Yeah. I definitely think there's enter and also sitting yourself a limit right? Like I'm going to do this last comp. Yep. That's going to be my last go did I'm done. Yep, and I mean you're always going to have always going to be questions. And what ifs and people giving their like unwanted opinion 50 cents worth? Yeah. I know it's half a dollar fuck off. Spit like across it Anyway by Y. And also why do you care like because they want you to validate their choices. Yeah, and I just don't see how you can put that on to somebody like this their choice their sport what they choose to do with their time, whatever weight class their own whatever they want to do like that's up to them focus on your own shit. Yeah. Everyone wants to be validated by reference to someone else's choices. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. They want to hear that you regret it because they want to hear that. They should continue. You you know all that shit. Yeah, like somehow your path is relevant to this is where it's really gone. Yeah you overheard. Yeah fuck right. Well, it's getting rid of date. Yeah, see, how does it have a good dig around you? Like what are we gonna talk about? I'm like, wow, you know balance big dick energy. Yeah. I love her and somehow drag it out to like yeah 45 minutes. She's a great now de Duke Energy is a it's definitely a Vibe and it'll or it's actually also really really tricky because you start thinking about the gendered aspects of it. Yeah. Like I noticed this real bad in first year. We had a mediation exercise. We've got like two teams of three people. On other sides of the desk you both have a client in mind a client has goals obviously and they're opposed obviously, so you have to come to a position in the middle and I realized that of the group of like six people talking one of the girls on my side said not a single thing because her way of communicating was different because I'm obviously big and loud and up front and quite forward you can say she was the opposite Shadow really really quiet. I'm not going to say submissive but didn't mean your to of demeanor. I suppose you could say she was quite small and person quite small and voice and extremely extremely patient and waiting for a gap in the conversation to include a condo you to kind of Barrel on in there didn't it didn't fucking work and I'm like make the rest of our industry are people like this people with opinions who think they know the right thing unless you can shove yourself in you will not be there. You will not be at the table next time and like I spoke to her afterwards privately. fantastic ideas awesome initiatives like all of these really really balanced solutions that should have been on the table. But because she didn't come with the big dick energy that the people around her brought. It just got swept under. Yeah, so does not have fucking good you are unless you're there and your present and your you know, you suck your claws in what the fuck's it full. So again stuck your dick in consensually, obviously, is it as big dick energy like I guess is it a personality trait? Whereas like You don't have it. Well, I didn't I didn't think I've always had it to be honest. Yes. I think I just as I've gotten older I've just given less and less Sparks. Yep, basically and I guess come to accept that like not everyone's going to like me whatever. Yeah, you know and that's okay and I'm not going to try and change that but I'm not going to also change how I am because of that. I think he cultivated. I think you definitely cultivate it. We also have to be quite sensible to where it isn't isn't appropriate like having a banner now swearing liberally all of that. That's very much me and my like, you know out of work hours because at work conservative profession a lot of the people who I admire in the profession are of a different generation with a very different set of like yeah life values and what they think is appropriate. So the way you communicate really has to depend on the audience like bantering with my sports Mates is one thing talking with the judge is another of course, and so the big dick energy, it's appropriate. Situation is very very different. So I definitely told myself down a lot informal a professional context because I know that that attitude does not translate well in a professional space, but you can still maintain a level of big dick energy without swearing and push out being aggressive. Well Cross or crude oil crude, it's just about being like I'm owning my opinion. I deserve to be here like heaven. A presence like you said? Yeah, and I don't think that is necessarily accompanied by swearing or talkin about dicks, but I can't but I can't because Unapologetic as fuck. No it is it is just definitely I think it's a learned attitude and it's learned by watching people you admire. Yeah, definitely and I think that the more people you surround yourself with who do have this kind of level of self-confidence the more it's like you feel okay to be more confident showing opinion. Sure, I can definitely notice since like and the friendship group that I kind of have now people to hang out with now like all of the women in my life a very strong very assertive and they're always kind yeah and supportive. Yeah, they're not mean people but I know that if I did something to piss one of them off that tell me he'd hear about it about it and the same vein I would let them know if you know what I mean, so, I think it's more about About just like being confident with who you are. And I think that's a really really productive way for women to engage because growing up like you got that High School caddy bullshit wherever I'm super super nice on the surface, but actually they're all bitching about everyone else and that fucking attitude people carry into adult life and I'm not here for it. I'm into women that you fucked me off when you did this. Can we move pasta or is this a deal breaker for our relationship? Yeah, exactly and having those honest conversations and being okay with someone saying to you how you sit there and it annoyed me and you being like I'm really sorry. Let's let's work. Let's go. Let's not just sweep it under the rug and your bitch about it to the behind. Yep. Yeah. Well, that's why I believe in confrontation confrontation because having big dick energy means that you are confronting and you're prepared to be confronted. Yeah, you should Surround yourselves. Yeah, you guys need to be calling everyone on this shit and then like lose the plot when somebody addresses you absolutely you've done. Absolutely I think also in terms of like romantic relationships. It's really hard because I know growing up. I mean I'm a bit older than you but it was all you're always kind of like being like, I guess More Meek and having that kind of submissive sorted by was kind of what guys liked it. A guy didn't really want a woman who was going to be like should a fucking parks there. Yeah. Yeah. It was right there. Yeah. Do you open pocket for you to be fair? All my partners in their drivers to me? That's a separate issue, but not tiny actually had and sometimes I regressed back into that. Yeah have your pattern and I've noticed it and I'm like, oh gross like the other day like my boyfriend was driving as and you know, I'm very conscious of when Vanessa's driving not to be like the backseat Drive. Yeah, because it's irritating. Yeah, right. Just trying to find a pot and I swear had driven past like three Parks but didn't say anything because I was like, well, he knows what he's doing. He's driving I would just let him know just didn't make the call. Right? So we packed fucking miles away and you're like Sissy think about it walking back in this tray and he's like, oh, there's like three parts right here. You like not really a fucking dog hunts. I guess I could and he's like, what the fuck? I thought you wanted to park far away and he was like, oh my God, what is wrong with you? Yeah, it was like, yeah, it was wrong with me. Why didn't I just feel like Madison Park? Yeah like but there's also distinctly compromise, right? You second-guess yourself, you know, I found that I've been doing that a lot lately where I'll be like am I being micromanaging? I am I you know, am I being bossy and my being and I think I only question that when it's in like a romantic relationship because it was in the workplace. I'm like damn right? I'm being bossy. I'm the boss. Yeah, you know. Yeah, I'm gonna tell that person to move off. My platform is my platform. Yeah. Yeah for sure because I'd the repercussions don't concern me. Like if someone's going to get annoyed that I've liked told them what to do it work. I don't care because that's my job. Yeah, someone's going to get annoyed because I told me with my platform. I don't care. It's my platform. And yeah, no, I got some reason when it's in a romantic context. There's a lot of fear around although they're going to think I'm bossy. They're gonna think I'm psycho that going to think XYZ are not giving them enough space to be with them or whatever. So I tend to like regress to this like less of this like small smaller dick. Yep version of myself, I get that and like hard because I tend to have the exact same thoughts of the partner, but for me it often comes down to I know my greatest strength, but also my biggest relationship weakness is that I am highly neurotic. Oh my God that don't fuck with my sleep. I know exactly what I want to eat. Yes, like A lot of ways, I'm very particular. I don't want to sleep at your house. I want to sleep in my house. Yeah, because I have three things to do tomorrow and I don't want to think about packing my bag for three things plus overnight was sleeping in mind or we're not just fuck. This is me, right and I'm sleeping over I'm bringing my laptop. Yep, because he'll sleep in. Yeah, and I know that I'm going to get up at 6:00 and I'm going to want to do some work. Yep. So I'll bring my laptop. Yeah arouse I'm not fucking sleeping over because I'm not going to lie there look at the sink if they're like, yeah, it's not get that, you know, so like being neurotic is really hard because like I know I'm neurotic and I know that you know, I need to have dinner by 7 p.m. And I need to know what I'm eating. Yeah, there's no surprise food. Yeah surprise times for meals. Yeah, let's like spontaneous. So let's just go do this. No, I agree. So it is it's hard in a sense because you have to try and like back that off a little bit because it is intimidating for most people more. They also want they don't have to live your neurotic life and you want to respect your partner's right to be a normal human. Yeah, and you do Like a thing because it matters to you. Yeah, I got that. I know it's really hot. But the other thing is, right. It also depends on the personality match because I had a really good role model in my mother because my mother was extremely neurotic and extremely particular that's actually raised me. And now that we've got our stepdad he is just an absolute gem. He's like this enormous Canadian, you know, he's awesome used to be an elite athlete whatever but he's very much a yes dear man in the sense that I'm relaxed. I don't care. She's particular weed or her away because it makes her happy really do need to have that balance in a relationship. And I first I thought it was a bit weird because it's like she can be extremely unreasonable. So yes during all the time from an outside perspective looks really weird, but then I met his whole group of friends and all the couples are like that the wives like these tiger moms that are super neurotic and Sue particular husband's like these incredible gentle men that I yes dear most of the time because they just love you so much that they're like if you need to be Eating by 701 we will eat at 7:01. I will bring it to work if necessary like that survived and I think that's sort of relationship balance your ultimately looking for because we have two highly neurotic highly specific people the chances that you meet on the particular things in your erotic about our 0. Yeah, like I've dated athlete it doesn't fucking work because you've got your sleep schedule. They've got theirs their meals are your meals and ultimately you coexist you don't exist like as a unit. Yeah, where's one one of the partners is relaxed and they're in it because they love View you have the space to be neurotic psycho. I think that's the best sort of balance. Yeah, I think that's kind of what I've realized rather than trying to find a partner who's neurotic about the same things not too hard because yeah, you just end up pressing each other off. Yep, because you're so unreasonable in this your clothes on reasonable and unreasonable Latif. Yeah, just like a fucking constant so we fight we did X obviously agree with you which is why I just need to find a partner. That's very very different to Yeah, and that's the most successful relationships. I've had one. My partner is like objectively not as high achieving because they don't tick off the same sort of bullshit that I took off, but they're incredibly impressive person loving smart all those things. They just a lot less psycho. Yeah, and I think that's the only way it can work. Yeah. I feel like I need someone who makes up for like all of those things that my personality is lacking. Yeah, that's what it is. Right. You meant to complement each other not like hit the same mouth. All Stones. Yeah, I know Dad. It's pretty cool that you already realized that I feel like it's taking me fucking years. It took some soul-searching. Yeah, I know right? But yeah hmm. We're having our so that's the main thing. Yeah, right. Well, I should so fucking hard. We should do like a whole separate podcast on them exhales gonna I have got one planned with Tom and Siobhan because they're both in on my podcast and there are a couple cool. Obviously we got to talk. Relationship. Yeah, it'd be great. Hi functioning people in relationships. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but I mean basically we just living out this time functioning lives. Yeah. I'm just trying to add a human to it my God, that's so accurate. Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely like when you said something's got to give that's exactly it. When you bring a relationship in it's got to be a really really aggressive reprioritization. Does this relationship with this human matter enough to me that I'm prepared to take some pegs off my goals And because don't delude yourself and thinking before the high level plus adding a human that you care about into the mix. Yeah, that's not a thing. So which is why relationships I think to me into your so critical because you've got to be really fucking worth it for me to fuck with my sleep take pegs off. My study all those things. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And I guess that's all we're doing right as we just try to find that person is worth it. Yeah, which is hard because you're always busy and you're not dating you not drinking. And we all know you don't fuck someone at the gym. No, no bad bad choice bad choice really but it has a there that's right moving on moving on. Yeah. Yeah. So if you got any last minute mind gold for our many fans out there any quotes any Little Gems of wisdom that you can offer actually fucking in bring it with me, but there's a book that I want everyone to read it some buffer All Blacks what the fuck's apart. I've realized swear. It's about sweeping the shit. Yeah, um fuck, you know, fuck it up like he talking. Yeah, you jabbering. Basically, I'm good at that. It's about I guess I learned from it. It's a lot about how to leave how to how to be a good leader and making sure that you're doing like the the most menial tasks that you're requiring someone to do it. You're doing it yourself basically and it is called Legacy and is by James Kerr. Yes. I have read that. It's fun and incredible of books that use Sports as an analogy and I guess it's relevant to you. Even if you don't do a sport because it is literally just that it's an analogy well, So about a high-performance mindset and like anything you take like the sweeping the sheds thing the idea is that the captains at the end of a game will sweep out the warm-up room because football cleats obviously rugby cleats kick off a lot of grass. And so the code the captain's will sweep the shed the warm-up room after the team has departed just show that the leaders aren't above it. The leaders are in the trenches with you and that's a really really important aspect of leadership and like every other anecdote or quote they put in They're some of my translate from already. Obviously, some of them are just straight up English and they all convey a lesson about leadership or teamwork or all these important high-performance attitude things that just fucking mutter and sport is just such a pithy analogy because it's easy to understand. Yeah, and it's so much about teamwork and and all that all that stuff that we can apply to a lot as basically. Yeah. Sure. I suppose the only like mine gold thing to depart with is that increasingly because I've hit the ripe old age of 25. I'm starting to have more conversations with people around me about not stalling because it's really really easy to be like full steam ahead. When you're sixteen Seventeen eighteen. Do your sports doing a high school. You do your degree start your career. I've been smoking crack in the toilet the high-performance - that later I did we're talking about like life is that have like always, you know gun for shit and you hit the age of 25 you finish your degree and you started your job and you just stagnate as fuck because you're tired. You've ticked things off you're done. Done and like having that transition from gunung all the time to being an adult try to have a life and a social life and a partner and whatever that point of possible stagnation had a big through that had a lot of conversations people have bad that like pick up a language never stop learning pick something and make sure you're good at it because if your job is not fulfilling you pick a sport doesn't fucking matter what one and I think something I has always spoken to me. There's a Sylvia Plath quote literally looks it up before because I always butcher it it reads what See most is the idea of being useless. Well educated brilliantly promising and fading out into an a different middle age. So guys go find bona fide. I can do that. It's amazing. Oh, that's beautiful. Did you take it off all of these things? And you hit 40 and what have you done for? The last decade? Yeah fucking hell. Yeah. It's amazing just tokens then a no offense. Yeah, no offense intended made that choice, but that's what I mean. Like, I think that's a mine gold. I want everyone to take away never stop moving forward and it doesn't matter if you re adjust your goals, but have a fucking good reason for it. I Quit sport so I could focus on law so I can stop having an out for not hitting that cherry. This is an excuse for me to start, you know, fucking around doing nothing. It's if you've committed to it do it and if you don't have a really good reason for it don't just become mediocre and look back on all the things you could have should have done. That's fucking beautiful. Thank you so much. You're an absolute treasure on my it's been a pleasure no matter what you do whether you decide to come back to weightlifting with you decide to do if I can bodypump. You got to be fucking good at it maybe spin class. I need to take a legs and thank you so much Graham, and I have enjoyed your company immensely. It's been my pleasure. You're a legend. Thank you. Have a good day. Everyone. Bye.
Sofia Zudova is a high performing individual, former elite athlete and currently at the tail end of a law degree. We discuss the myth of balance, big dick energy, and the importance of always moving forward. 04:00 The episode narrowly avoids becoming about Graham. 06:00 Being a mostly highly functioning human (with the possible exception of this morning). 08:00: The myth of balance: the cost of trying to multi task at a high level in multiple pursuits. 11:00 Being good scares people. Why we make excuses for mediocrity and fail to back ourselves. 15:00 #BDE : the origins of big dick energy and whether this is something you can attain. 19:00 The time Sofia told teenage girls they couldn't use the bathroom at the gym and why she's still cut over it. 24:00 Law and lifting : suffering imposter syndrome regardless of your status or ability. Why we have to fake it and lean the fuck in. 30:00 Giving yourself an 'out' is just a different form of making excuses. The courage to to make the decision not to spread yourself so thin and knowing when it's OK to let something go. 37:00 People's opinions and why you should ignore them and elbow your way in there regardless. 45:00 The challenge of being a neurotic individual in a relationship, and the struggle of finding someone who's not intimidated annoyed by your levels of neurosis. 53:30 Last minute Mindgold : Never stop moving forward. 