This is episode 1 of the new paradigm intimacy podcast. I'm your host Lauren Renee. I'm a sexual empowerment coach and leader in the new paradigm of intimacy. So the way that I ended up here hosting this podcast with the amazing Victoria read Bard who I'm about to introduce is a pretty powerful story and one that I will totally connect to what weAs the new paradigm as a whole so I had stepped into my own journey of being a leader and finding my voice in what I wanted to deliver into the world and that really led me down a path of embodiment practices and really looking for a way that I could Empower other leaders in this world. And so in 2019, I had a very Vivid dream about being a superhero. Victoria and we had never met before I had only known Victoria through social media. I really resonated with her and felt this deep connection. And so when this dream came through to me, it was a clear message and something that I noted down and just as it would be Victoria put a call out that she was looking for people to connect with and support her business. And so we connected and started. Together and the rest is kind of History. I jumped in and what we found was that we both shared this deep passion to empower more people to be delivering their true message to the world and through this connection. I was taken on the Journey of incorporating sexuality deeply into the work that I was already doing and so I can be true Testament that sexuality is everything. It is such a core piece to bringing us back to the Truth of who we are and being able to bring that out to the world and it's impacted every area of my life and what I felt I'd really journeyed up into the point of recording this podcast is actually letting the new paradigm bully land into my life. And so coming together on this podcast right now is incredible for me because before I stepped into this work years ago, I was a journalist and I absolutely loved interviewing people and creating new stories and Coding things just like this. So it has always been a dream of mine to create a podcast so I cannot wait to share all the incredible Knowledge from leaders all around the world who are shifting us into the new paradigm. So without further Ado, I will introduce Victoria. So Victoria red barred is a somatic sexologist counselor speaker researcher open relating expert author of Emission through touch and the founder of The Institute of new paradigm intimacy. So originally from the UK she is studied Tantra and sexuality in many countries and now resides on the Gold Coast in Australia helping people access blow States through tantric practices today. She is creating worldwide cultural change through her sexuality School The Institute of new paradigm intimacy, which offers deep learning into the psychosocial and somatic aspects. Cutting Edge sexual education her mission is to see men and women step into their bodies and out of their heads and create more qualified educated and empowered sex and relating coaches to provide the safe space needed for everyone to feel free The Institute of new paradigm intimacy is a step towards seeing Sexual Health Plans become just as common as mental health plans. So in today's episode Victoria and I talked about her. Journey to uncovering the new paradigm in her own life what even is the new paradigm what is self pleasure and how self-pleasure and connecting to our bodies is core to creating the new paradigm and so much more juicing is this conversation is just so expensive and I cannot wait for us to just share this and let the impact of the new paradigm Ripple out to all of you and so now let's bring on Victoria. And we will share this amazing conversation with you. Okay, so welcome everyone. This is our first episode of the new paradigm intimacy podcast and I am here with the face of it. All who is making epic change in the world Victoria red Barb. I'm so excited for us to jump into this chat today. And the juicy question that is going to be the question that this podcast is known for is when was your last self-pleasure practice? And what did that look like for you? Thank you for asking. Literally my favorite question. And so the last of pleasure practice I did was a couple of days ago actually and it was really nurturing like really I felt like the the proud that I was really connected to was my wound space and that that particular time and it was really yeah, it was a lot of kind of manifesting of what I'm really wanting to bring through. So I was really connecting to that space in my body and just feeling there's the bigness of what we're actually creating here together and you know with the new paradigm intimacy Institute and and what that's going to look like going forward. So that's a pleasure was very nurturing and not so not so rousing as such but just like deeply connected to the all that's what I felt when I was connecting to that beautiful and it feels like it's all happening now like I feel like everyone is Feeling this at the moment like it's so amazing. We're recording this today. It's like we're coming into the end of the decade. It's like the last full moon of the year. It's just like people are feeling the change and it's like in this change. We've got all this new coming in and then the old falling away and I guess that's really what we're speaking to with this whole new paradigm concept, but we're kind of standing here is the pillar of what that concept looks like for relating and for sex and for love and so I guess we've all had To drop into what the new paradigm actually really means for you. Yeah boy. It's a big one. It's a yeah this topic of the new paradigm for me is like something that I started turning into like some years ago. So started to recognize that the way that my my grandparents had lived their lives and they had met each other when they were 15 years old and they saw their whole lives together and they did the whole having babies getting married living together. That was that journey and that was the few options that were sort of available to that their time and their life and for my parents is the same. My parents are also still together. They met each other when they were 16 years old, they've lived their lives together. They've done the house the babies the marriage and again those were the choices. That's what the that's what was laid on the table for them with what they want what they could have in their lifetime and then for me, there's like what I know when I came into this world I was like, okay well and I can see that I could do the babies and marriage and get a house. This thing and there's so many other options of what I can do. You know I had like there was just like this level of sort of thriving that seemed to have come in and our generation. We are able to sort of see that we can we can do whatever we want to do and we're not limited to just a small amount of choices and actually what I fit where I felt that left. And there's just certain circumstances. I kept saying that was like, okay, so it's not going to be as straightforward as what it was for my grandparents and film my parents is going to be for me because I have a lot more choices and a lot more options in my life and what I say so going to be simple. It's like it's almost like the world is getting more and more complex and I think a lot of people feel like it's getting more complicated but I definitely prefer the word complex. So I feel like I can be really simple in that complexity and as we as things start to speed up and things like to change more able to you know, Net with more people online, you know, like we're the last generation. I'm 20. I'm 28 and I'm the last generation that didn't grow up with the internet and internet pornography and all those pieces, you know, so like all the children that were born after this age. It's like they grew up with the internet on the at their fingertips texting their friends when they're you know, before they've even had their teen years, you know, there's these concepts of how things are speeding up and how things are just becoming more and more connected and more and more separator that same time by everything that's happening. In our world and for me, this is like this is created a space for us to move into a new paradigm and a paradigm of how we relate to one another how we relate to ourselves. We starting to see the importance of how like relating to ourselves affects every area of Our Lives, you know, it's common knowledge. Now that you know meditation is so needed it's common knowledge now that we must you know, that self-worth is the basis of being able to do anything that you want to do in your life. And so with this with these more options and this we're actually in a state of thriving and Of surviving now and so we're in the state of thriving a lot of the relationships. We had that were based on codependency and you know coming together to build a life because it was difficult to do that on your own is not so needed. You know, like I you know now have this disability to be in this world and live with who I want to live with and make the money that I want to make if I do the work on myself and this is what the new paradigm is calling us forward to it's like actually we get to shed all of that baggage all of the traumas. Everything that's stopped us before arriving and stop living in the conditioning. That's no longer serving as in today's age so that we can fry it and have this new paradigm intimacy, which is so abundant and so much fun that we could get to play in all of that that juiciness and all that like incredible connection to one another and to ourselves. Yes. I love it so much and we're the same age. So what I was really seeing there when you were saying that as we're kind of like straddling this old and new paradigm, it's like we were raised. By the old Paradigm and we're seeing the new and so this is how we get to be the leaders and the change makers that kind of decide how this this new paradigm plays out we get to create that so it's such an exciting time because it's just like we have this New Concept that we can just play with. So yeah, I think it's across the board. Right? It's like it's not just within the Realms of sexuality and relating. I feel like we're all creating this new paradigm across careers and health and everything of what we Save the world look like we live in and that really excites me. Mmm It's amazing And yeah, we see it. Like I like even in probably the last five years particular for me. It's like, oh, I don't have to work like this. Oh, I don't have to, you know live my life like this and now it's like I've stepped in with you like, oh, I don't have to like have relationships that are codependent and controlling and it's like wow because I really related to you in like when I thought about that marriage have kids thing that was kind of like this contraction. For me it was like, I don't know if I really want that then I don't know what I want. And so how is like creating that picture really come together for you when you're in this like, okay. We need to create something new. What was your journey of Discovery as to what that new really looked like. Yeah. I love that question. I love what you said as well about like the word marriage makes you feel contracted in your body. And when I've actually did a little exploring and two words like marriage and monogamy and polyamory and you know what it means to be Sells what it means to be in the true essence of our sexuality and what keeps coming forward for me is it's actually not it's really nothing to do with the label. You know, when I first, you know, my first relationship that I had was, you know, monogamous relationship and I was and I remember being 17 years old and reading this book called ethical slut which was really about open relating and polyamory and we lived in a really small town in the UK this time he and his partner and I remember asking him like, you know, so I feel like I want to do this polyamory thing when we date more than one. In person and was wearing from this like small British Town. It was very competitive at had like a lot of you know, hatred and and poverty and in this in this particular Town, it was just like that was like the last thing that this guy would ever want to do things like because it was such a safety thing to be in a partnership to be able to share the level of vulnerability and intimacy with more than just each other what to handle just felt like absolutely ludicrous. He was quite angry that I see them suggested this this wasn't a concept that he'd ever heard of. So we send them an ugly thing. That's a lot of stuff for a while. Then I had another relationship after that and then there was this weird phase for me with this next boyfriend where it was very much like we would have explorative sexual experiences and we would you know play in this realm of like, oh, well, you know we can do that because we don't want to be possessive and we all codependent and then there was this and then there was all this backlash that would come up from it because of the lack of conditioning that we had in our from our past of like what it means to be with other people what it means to be with Without just the two of us, you know, when is it okay to open that level of vulnerability to more than just the two people in the partnership. So we kind of Journey that and wasn't very successful and then I met my partner Danny and he and I and I'd never felt anything like this for anyone in my whole life. Like when I'm at this man, I was like wow like this is home. You know, I really like stepped into space of being like, okay. This is this is like the one feeling, you know, I was like this is this is everything like we get on and every level You know, we're so compatible and I just felt myself go into that feeling of like, oh no like but I know I know that in my Essence that it's like my truth will be that I'll want to have Adventure even though this is the best thing ever. And so I just wanted to tell him I was like, you know, I feel like if we're going to do this I want to do open one lady. And then this is what we started to really travel this this cause of what is open relating because we still had this desire to pair bond, you know, we still had this desire to get a house together to get a dog together and do all these pieces. is and so we really played in that in that realm of what would it really look like if we wanted to look our way rather than going? Okay. We need to be polyamorous only to be monogamous. It's like what would happen if we drop to those labels and to stepped into I was writing the script and there's started a whole chain of events me whenever started doing the sex coaching and all those pieces about relating as I started to go. Okay. So what if everybody was writing their own script? What if we all got to choose exactly how I relationships worked? We got to choose exactly what the rules are that relationship and stop having them fit into the way Society chooses us to have relations. Look and have ones that actually Serve the People and this is one of my major concepts of inside of relationships that I what I've seen is is almost like a see the Pyramid of being like the layers have been like the first level is like it's like people are putting their relationship first and then I put their partner second and then they put their cells third. So we're off around doing our lives being independent then we get into relationships and we all of a sudden have to put the relationship and that other person but for ourselves and we're taught that that's what love is is and I just sort of got this concept and I was like, oh what would actually happen if I stopped like worshipping this relationship and doing whatever we can to make this relationship work. It was absolutely making me unhappy a little time and I said to myself what would happen if I put myself first and then my partner and then our relationship and what I got from that was actually like oh this relationship is now like a foundation that's holding up me and my partner with inside of this and when we start to stop protecting the relationship and shot, To make a relationship work with time the relationship starts to work for us. Am I putting myself before my partner? I'm ultimately showing up in the most amount of love because my my theory is actually can't give love and this were giving up to ourselves. So any time I'm putting my partner before myself. I'm not actually showing up in a space of love. I'm showing up in a space of fear because of what I'm doing again. Is this attaching to the idea that I need to stay with this person and be with this person. So a part of this relating part for me was like, how do we create it so that We are. Really honoring the people inside of the relationship and having it so that they know that we are actually choosing them in every moment and when were choosing ourselves which ultimately showing up in a space of love for everybody. Mmm, I love it and this is really bringing in like all these concepts of self love and everything that's going mainstream at the moment and bringing it into relationships because we haven't really been taught this yet. And I know that that was really true for me. I've been on this like self-love and inner Journey with myself and then got into a relationship and it was like I just abandon myself to exactly follow that or Paradigm to put the relationship first and the love I had for this other person before me and I totally just like neglected everything I could. Dated within myself because I hadn't reconditioned my mind for that. So it's so incredibly powerful. Yeah. I'm curious to hear what it was that you realize wasn't working for you and the old Paradigm. Hmm the level of codependency. I feel it's like and also when you when we're sort of looking at love meaning I have to do everything for this other person in the relationship I think is the big thing that Was what I was feeling was like I love you so much. So we have to make this work and that's actually completely backwards to what we're shifting into because it's like what the reality should be is. I love you so much that I'm going to see that this isn't working and set you free. Yeah, that's a big piece of what I like to talk about as well as like there's a big difference between love and relating alignment, you know, so for me, like love is like that is like like unconditional In every moment like once once I love somebody it's just like it's just there all the time. It doesn't matter if they move to Canada. It doesn't matter if like, you know, my parents are in the UK. I don't stop loving them or relating to them just because they're over there. It's like just the space of how much time energy and resources that I get to spend with them and that to me is what relating alignment is just because I really love somebody deeply does not mean that I should spend all my time energy and resources and each individual that comes into my life friend family. Love our partner, like all these ideas of who these people will get to be in my life. I get to choose in every moment exactly how much time energy and resources I want to spend with that person. Not not actually take away or add to the love that I have them. Because they're very separate Concepts and I think actually when we start to see that, you know, we can have relating alignment and love as two separate things. We stopped collapsing the to to come together and we stopped thinking that because we love some more when we have to show up in a certain way for them or be with them or spend, you know time energy and resources that person. Yeah. Yeah, and it's having that level of self-awareness. How coming back to that mindset around I guess. How is this extending me right now and being able to communicate that to the other person so It sounds it's like incredible, but I know people are like struggling to move through this. So what what is the approach that people can really do to create this for themselves? Well, I think it's about Landing that frequency of love in our own body, right because you know, I you know, I like even you and I right so Lauren has been my assistant and I promoted her into the position of CEO of my company, and I've met her once right and this is this is beautiful to me because I feel deeply connected to you as an individual even though it's been one we've hung out once Now this is a beautiful friendship that we have is long side of the employee space that we work in and for me, it's not about like it. It starts to really have you realize that like it's really not about how much time you spend with somebody with with how much you can love them how much you care about them. And once we start to really unpack that on all the different layers, we can start to feel inside of our own body that like the amount of time we spend with someone is not how much we love them. And like this and what happens to me is this like I have a feeling of like like my parents live in the UK and my brother lives in the UK and I love them so dearly, you know, they're my family and I don't feel any less close to them. Even though we don't speak every day. We you know, we don't speak sometimes we don't speak for a couple of weeks, you know, and maybe sometimes more than a couple of weeks but my love and my relating to them is not dependent on how much time energy and resources are spent with them is they my family and that's exactly how I feel about them and what I see across the borders It was like a collapse again of what what what it means going to romantic partnership. So I think what's happening in this new plan of intimacy is like we're letting go of the concept of what it means to have the one and we're actually choosing what it means to have the one no, it's me. It's not about like not having babies or living together or getting their it it's just about like when we choose then we choose what those things mean to us, you know, everybody who raises children raises and completely differently everyone who's married doesn't marriage a little differently, but what we have is that like, oh it's not marriage if you're not living together or it's not you know what I mean? That's all these rules that are actually on. I said but they're so deeply ingrained into our psyches and when we let when we let go of that and start to feel the frequency of Love is in our own body, you know, I can feel the love. That's between me and my mom and my dad and my brother because it's there. It's in The Ether it's exist in my body as well. So there's an embodied feeling that I have of this frequency of love that goes across the board and it doesn't mean that I have to show up in a certain way or be a certain thing to show up and lock people and that is so liberating when I get that once I got that piece of myself. Mmm, beautiful and I feel like this is an amazing transition to really go into how self-pleasure and sexuality links to creating the new paradigm because what I felt coming through their nose like this is all coming back to being connected to yourself and being able to feel when love is moving through you and where love wants to lead you and also being able to shed away all of that guilt and shame and conditioning. So how is like all of that and all The wounds we have around sexuality impacting how we're shifting into the new paradigm. Who was this big one? I'm like take this in so many directions. So I mean from what I've just been showing so far. I guess the pieces are what I want people to hear is that there is an Essence that is that is within us and it's like a truth of who we really be and a lot of what we're speaking of is like the conditioning and those stories that we tell ourselves. As of like how love needs to be and how relating needs to be is really around the condition that we face in our life and what humans are decided things into look like and that is all based in identity. And a lot of identities is wrapped up in like not wanting to feel a certain feeling. I'm not old wanting to feel a certain another feeling. So the way that sacred sexuality Works me is that I am Connecting to the truth of my Essence and The more I've done that the more I've actually allowed this Sexual Energy to move my body. It's almost like allowed for the my soul to fully land in my body and be the louder voice than my fears and my my personality and who I think I am and who I want to be in the world like all that the ego and identity pieces have started to quieten down a little bit so that my soul can really come through and just deliver what it was here to do. And how that looks to me in the way of sacred sexuality in the way that I have an experience of Tantra and General in my body is to say that like for me like this this feeling is like I'm not pushing away fear or pain or anger or sadness and I'm also not attaching to pleasure and Bliss and happiness and joy, what I'm doing is just allowing all of those experiences to come into my body like connect to the aliveness of myself. And then just move through me. So I'm constantly having this feeling of like emptying out and that to me is like the the work of self-pleasure. It's like we're actually just coming coming like coming into our self-pleasure practice and I feel like this is the moment I have to explain that stuff pleasure is not masturbation for me. So masturbation for me is when we come and sit with the body and went and we are saying like Okay, I'm going to have arousal pleasure or an orgasm of this moment. Once that goal is achieved we get up and get on with the day. and for me self-pleasure is like I'm actually going to sit here and be With my body and I'm going to allow my body to speak to me. And when I allow my body to speak to me, I'm not chasing anything arousal pleasure. Desire Happiness. Joy a feeling a good feeling in general. I'm just observing. What is there and what wants to move? And then I'm just using sound breath and movement to connect to the aliveness of my being the truth of my Essence to come back to the truth of me. And the more time I spend actually being with the truth of who I am unless I can get impacted by the conditioning by the stories of who I want. I think people want me to be and I can start showing up as the as my truth and lose connection to what is right. What is wrong? What is good? What is bad and actually just be me and be the love that I'm supposed to be in this world. And that's the work of sacred sexuality. You know, it's like it's not even about sex. It's about aliveness. It's about how do we connect to that to the parts of us that are actually always awake and vibrating and moving. So we're not in the state of contraction. We're not in this state of survival were in this state of expansiveness and Spate of growing and the state of just moving and allowing a whole body to be awake to life. There's a such a big difference to being alive and living you know this That's really what I'm passionate about is like seeing a while with people are actually fully awake to living. Ah, wow, I feel fully like a week to living right now hearing that and it's just like are the the words like sex is the truth about Essence. It's like this work is so powerful and so transformational and I know we say this where like, you know sex is the deepest work you can do it changes all the areas of your life and people like, oh, yeah, I get it, you know sexuality. It's connected to your creative Center but like to actually really hear this and know That when we're connecting to the truth of our Essence, like that's how we just come forth into this world and bring ourselves and the truth of ourselves to everything that we do it's like incredible and so amazing and I guess like hearing that is so pure in itself, but we're still when people think of sacred sexuality work then navigating these like again old conditionings around that because I feel like in the survival in the old Paradigm. They want us to be afraid of T work so what do you see most commonly showing up with people that want to step into this but they're like oh, but I think it's like this or I think it's like that like, let's do a bit of myth-busting here. Yeah. It is is it is like or it like this journey for me has been really confronting because I because of I'm a small percentage of people in the world that see the real erotic innocence, you know, like the truth of like wow, this is an energy that we get to play with and we don't have to push it to the side. So hide it from anyone or feel dirty or shameful or guilty for experiencing that in our bodies. And you know, there is this concept of like, you know, when said it when when so so many people believe in one thing it tends to become a truth. So if more people that like it's more common that people believe that sex is shameful and tubu and wrong than it is for people to see like that, you know, even the word erotic innocence. It's kind of like this Paradox people don't really completely understand when I say it and that's really a lot of what we're facing. It's like when people step into puberty instead, Thirteen years. It's like there's a lot of all of those pieces just drop in like okay, this is not okay. I must hide this I must not be in this way. So a lot of the work that I do with people of what we do at The Institute new paradigm intimacy is bringing people back to their aliveness. And so they can actually be awakened all of themselves because anytime we resisting anything anytime we're shutting any feeling down the creating this is in our body literally disease. And so what we're dealing with a lot of time is just like that. Those feelings of contraction in the body and have been built up and builds up. And so what I'm doing if they could the condition with condition is just having people recognize what their beliefs are because everyone has different as well. So I can't tell you like this is the belief that everybody thinks because everyone has different culture different family life different conditionings that have that have stopped them from being in there for aliveness. And I mean a common one is like, you know, they're like four men for instance. Like they have they have a nature where they can feel the sexual energy and they've been taught that like, you know to get an erection public is embarrassing. It's not okay or that it's wrong or that it's disgusting or that you are creepy if you have that, so here's like that's like a whole list of conditioning that stop men when they have this experience of like feeling the Sexual Energy in their body that goes down towards their genitals and then they shut it down and they resist it. So they're creating contraction in the muscles, which is stopping their cells from vibrating which is stopping them from feeling alive. You heard the same thing for women. It's just like if a woman wants to express herself freely. Maybe she wants to wear a short skirt, or maybe she wants to have sex with you know, a man that she's just met or something. She then has to do with the conditioning of like is this going to make me a slut is this going to make me a bad person and that one of the things that I see with this word slot is it almost creates like no one ever says she's a start they say she's just a slut, you know, it's like it's like the if she if she owns her sexuality He then that's all she has she can be so she can't be him like a multi-dimensional person that has many different architectures inside of her. So we have all these these stories and ideas of like who we have to be in society to feel safe and to have belonging. So one of the major things that were coming up against this like that people can feel that they can have belonging and the the this issue of what we're seeing today is that like sexual energy has been contracted and repressing our bodies for so long that when it's now coming out it's actually coming out sideways. It's coming out a little bit distorted. So it's not feeling so much like erotic innocence anymore. It's feeling like people crossing each other's boundaries. It's people breaking consent. It's people, you know, we're seeing more and more like pedophilia. The news we're seeing more. I'm almost station violations that are happening all the time around sex because this energy is so not welcome in our society. So really what we're having is to face is as like a space where we're allowing that Distortion to come out and to be loved so that it can be worked through and that is why I like sick the work of sexuality is confronting right now because it's been shut down for so long and what we're doing at the new paradigm intimacy is creating a space because all the things that go wrong with sexuality like women up in an orgasm erectile dysfunction premature ejaculation, you know numbness pain during sex like all these things is because we're not connected to our sexual person. And because we have all this conditioning that's been forced upon us for so long. So really the new paradigm is a state of thriving when we release or this distortions around Sexual Energy and come back to a right against I love it. And this is like even sort of saying we need to create this safety for this to happen first. It's like with the practice of self-pleasure. That's when we're creating the safety for ourselves and we can do that in our own space and we can you know work through everything we need to go through it's just Like even how you said before we felt like we had to choose Black or White in ourselves. Like that was beer that has been one of the biggest things that has really dropped in for me through self-pleasure is that I actually get to be all of myself and narrow is no part of me. That's right or wrong and it's just it's so beautiful and so powerful and I feel like that practice in itself. It's not just helping us heal. Sexually, it's helping us move through so much more because there's just been such such a long period that we've been disconnected from our bodies and you know playing up in our minds as well. So how else do you see this work is really transforming people and healing people and I guess kind of changing the world in the way that we approach even therapy as well. Yeah, like one of the like is just been huge, you know, it's like the work of getting people into their bodies actually allows them to resolve their own traumas and which is just massive like when we stop Trying to bring everything into words and we actually can listen to them to the sensations that are happening in the body and the sensations have in the body become louder than the voices in our head. We become an estate of being able to be active instead of reactive. So like if we are faced with something external that is alarming or maybe someone shouting at you or someone has road rage with you instead of your body going into reaction and freaking out going into anxiety is like we become very aware of the heart rate going up. We become very aware of the contraction and our belly and we don't make these things a bad thing. We make we just we just have exceptions of what's happening in the body and then we get to choose how we want to act. So it's the same thing in relationships, right? There's a lot of people that are just constantly triggering each other and creating We like reactive energies inside of each other because of the polarities and it's so instead of you know, when we step into this space of being able to hear the sensations in the body through our self pleasure practice. We you know, we can start to see and we get to choose exactly how we want to show up in those relationships instead of being like this person's are shouting at me. I need to shout back then because I'm scared and I'm going into fight or flight we get to choose how I never system reacts I know there's a massive power in that and then you know and even if I could I could talk about this for hours but like another one of my favorite that I'm really like getting into the research around right now is when our when we were in our aliveness and our body is in the state of openness and all the cells in our body are vibrating and they're awake we actually are able to receive information a lot easier. So we try to digest things through the mind. We are trying to comprehend it on a bandwidth. That is very small. Which I'm going to actually judging everything and it's coming for this filter of this is why I'm wrong or okay, this makes sense because this is what happened and this house time in my life and we're trying to make sense of it through our life experience. And then when we start to have all the cells in the body that are awake when we start to receive information. We're no longer filtering it through this is right. This is wrong. This is good. This is bad. I don't you know where this is how I'm going to relate to this this information. We just actually absorb it into the body and we know that and this can happen from just like reading a book, you know, you're reading a book and you're in your ADI you're going to remember that book so much more because you've connected the feeling state to it. You've connected your Sensations to it and we're and or if you're like, you know learning a new skill or someone's playing an instrument in front of you. If you are receiving that with your whole body and your whole body is alive and you're not trying to take it through your mind. The rhythm of the melody is playing to the so the cells in your body and it's starting to actually connect you to then you are able to step in and play that instrument easier of risk retain that information you've read in that book a lot easier because your body is Wake and it's receiving and we don't have that in the mind. The mind is limited to what it can actually comprehend. It's one of the greatest tools we have and it's such a small part of as compared to that like the rest of the cells that we have in our body. So by doing this work, I stepping into self-pleasure lick everything in our life becomes easier. Like I've said, I've been running a research project now for the last six months on what is what happens when we start to work on sacred sexuality and the results that we're seeing as that people's careers are taking people's health is getting better people's relationships are getting better and not just to their Partners but also to themselves and finances like people's ability to work with the energy of money is like is changing. Because we start to stop relating to it as an energy and we start to relate it to make money is just an agreement. We're able just to relate to that agreement in a different way. So I'm just seeing like across the board how this is just transforming people's lives in every area. It's really exciting for me because we're just connecting to our wholeness and our potential and feeling that like actually feeling that makes it real rather than trying to just create it all up here and getting all those limiting beliefs and feeling like it's not possible. It's like I just love the the testimonials that come through for us for people dropping into this work and it they're just like, you know, I've got more out of three days of self pleasure. I do it out of like three years of therapy. It's just incredible what is possible through this? So I just love the Legacy that we're creating and that we're sharing and like just to kind of wrap up the conversation today because I know we've just brought in a whole lot of huge Concepts. What's kind of your vision for where you want to take the new paradigm and what you really want to create in the next like five ten years. I know it's a big one, but I just feel like Yeah, giving people that picture of how we're really going to recreate this new way will be really powerful. yeah, thank you for asking that it's been a question that's been on my mind a lot recently because and I kind of comes back to this this concept that I started to see as like when I first started doing the work and this is the same for a lot of people there was this concept that like life was happening to me that I just have no control cause everything was happening to me and I was just a just receiving whatever happened to me and then like I started to shift my mindset of it and I started to step into this place of like life is happening for me and it kind of sent me into this place of like manifesting everything and be able to do whatever I needed to do to see a certain result that I wanted to receive. And once I launch the school and like stepped into space of like seeing my work create change and like seeing all those testimonies that you spoke of I had another piece drop in for me that it was like it wasn't about me anymore about what I wanted and it's not about me achieving a goal having a certain thing happen on this planet in my lifetime. It really just stepped into going from you know, life is happening to me too. Laughs happening for me and now it's just like I am life. So when I fell into what I want to see happen and what I want to create it's like I just I'm going to keep showing up and cook and creating these spaces for people to explore themselves. And whatever comes of that is perfect because it's not for me to dictate because I just am life. And this is how it looks when I'm doing life as me. And I know that if I just keep showing up in my truth and my Essence and whatever wants to come through me in the way of creativity. Everything just is going to work itself out because there's nothing that needs to change and everything's changing. That makes sense. It's just like this is philosophy that's going to come to me is like I don't actually have to do anything in the world is perfect just as it is and the widest shop in my Essence and keep doing me and giving the end creating that in the world like everything is going to happen exactly how it needs to and I feel the more you're in that space. It's like the more open you are to transmitting this message to everyone else and they're receiving that strongly and it's just popping in and so we can all just be in this space together. It's amazing totally. So I do think there's more that we drive from this place of like this needs to happen. And if you know if this doesn't happen, it's actually just like a reflection of an internal War that's happening inside of us. It was just like once we start to resolve that internal War then we get to show up and it just things just occur. So in our external environment is just a reflection of our internal environment. Yeah, there's a powerful sorry. Yeah, just to wrap up then how can people kind of start this journey. I know that so many are kind of like feeling the call to step into leadership with this but if people are brand-new or kind of on this journey, what would you say is the next step and what are we kind of even offering at the moment with the new paradigm? Yeah so mean it's there is like many different journeys of people can take with this work and come in and say our life Anderson. You know, my first recommendation is that you start to create self-pleasure practice where you are not trying to have arousal or pleasure or orgasm. It's like just see what happens. If you start with your body for the 30 minutes and allowed for the energy to move and make sound breath and movement and see what happens put a playlist on WE many a playlist on my Spotify if anyone wants to check those out and yeah, so that's like the first recommendation just like I'd love everybody who listens this podcast is to be with themselves men and women And then things that we have to assist people on this journey and to connecting with the community and to be able to have them learn this and receive this information as we have the arrows fault, there are supports for people that just want to explore their sexuality and have major change in their career Health life relationships, you know, finances all those layers. It's like if you wanting to see transformation and change in those areas, the aerosol is our online program that it's an Interactive Learning portal that helps you connect to the depths of this work. And then for those who are on this Cutting Edge of becoming and step into leadership and they're feeling the cool and you know, actually it really doesn't matter. If you haven't done any of this work before it's like it's an inner calling that is so much louder than you know, the pieces of paper you might have or any of those things. So if you're feeling the call to work as a sequential graduate and we want to start working as a sex coach about help people connect to their aliveness and we do have the Institute of new paradigm intimacy. That is it's the sacred sexuality school that has you That is six months long and allows you to become a sex coach. So if that's if that's something that you're interested in just had to Victoria red.com and you can fill in the application there and one of my team will get in touch with you there. Yeah, and these are the safe spaces we're creating so we can let this new paradigm unfold so we will add all of those links all the information to this podcast in the notes. You can check that out but We will finish up there. We're going to have a whole lot of amazing guest speakers come on this podcast in the sacred sexuality space who are helping create this new paradigm, so I can't wait to see where this journey takes us and get this message out to the world. So thank you Victoria feel honored to be on this journey with you. Thank you. Thank you for having this is so fun.
Victoria Redbard is a somatic sexologist, counsellor, speaker, researcher, open relating expert, author of Transformation through Touch and founder of The Institute of New Paradigm Intimacy. Originally from the UK she has studied tantra and sexuality in many countries and now resides in the Gold Coast Australia helping people access flow states through tantric practices. Today she is creating worldwide cultural change through her sexuality school The Institute of New Paradigm Intimacy which offers deep learning into the psycho-social and somatic aspects of cutting edge sexuality education. Her mission is to see men and women step into their bodies and out of their heads and create more qualified, educated and empowered sex and relating coaches to provide the safe space needed for everyone to feel free. The Institute of New Paradigm Intimacy is a step towards seeing sexual health plans become just as common as mental health plans. In today’s episode we talk about   Victoria’s journey to uncovering the new paradigm in her own life   What is the new paradigm   What is Self Pleasure   How Self Pleasure and connecting to our bodies is core to creating the new paradigm   Follow Victoria Redbard Instagram: @victoriaredbard Facebook: Victoria Redbard Somatic Sexologist  www.victoriaredbard.com Apply for the Institute of New Paradigm Intimacy February 2020 intake Follow Lauren Renee @laurenreneeintimacy Facebook: Lauren Renee Intimacy 