Hey guys, it's Dave. Oh in this is vision is greater than anything in this episode. I'm going to be talking with Darion Powell choose an individual that has pursued soccer her whole life and got to play in college and at the professional level her and I actually met through soccer. I was one of her personal coaches this past year the kind of helped him her get ready and prepare for her upcoming professional season that she had this this past. Spring and summer in this episode. We'll be talking a little bit about darian's story her background all things related to soccer and kind of where she is now in her life as well in this episode. We talk a little bit about each other's experiences. I also pursued soccer for a very long time and play it as well. So we have a lot in common. They're they're going to be kind of talking about we're also going to talk about the difficult sides of understanding. You know what we want. Don't want in life in soccer. I think that being honest with ourselves is something that's difficult, but it is something we're going to talk about quite a bit about in this episode. I also feel that everybody is going to find some value in this one here not just soccer players or athletes. I think that when we can get honest with ourselves regardless of who we are where we come from and where we are in life at the moment once we can be honest. And own that I do think that good things can follow. I know that it's very hard and uncomfortable. But that's also why it's worthwhile. If you listen to this guy's I encourage you to think about your own life and your own experiences in and see if you can write anything that we talk about here. I hope you enjoy All right, Darren. First of all, thanks for coming. Will you drove like was a half hour to come and do this? Yeah, so can a little bit of context on what we're going to do is obviously a soccer story, you know, and most people don't know that but I actually got to meet you through soccer through culture a little bit. So that was actually pretty cool for me. So to start this one off which is kind of jump into your soccer story where you kind of started how it all kind of get together and kind of where you are now, I guess and just briefly as you can. I'll try it. So I started when I was probably six or seven like really I'm great when you can first play wreck soccer and here, you know started just for fun. I put the every sport my parents just have a blade and then I fell in love with soccer and like that's all I wanted to do but my parents and me play basketball to whatever so after I was playing wreck stalker and like me and a couple of my friends were really good and we were like we want like do this all year round and Cedar Valley had just started their Club. So we went and joined that that was good fine. Like I was always kind of ahead of the curve with soccer. And so I wanted to go in Barton that you know, go to a bigger Club. Well, the closest one was see Rapids Heartland, so we went there me and see three or four my friends because we were all just like Love Soccer. We're good wanted. More competitive and just what Cedar Valley and all over so I went to Heartland that was good. Whatever played there. Those clubs kind of evolved together like Parliament Sierra Sierra say that shown point so we did like that and fast forward a little bit. I get into high school. I'm starting High School soccer still playing club for G plays at school. I went to Union for ya. So my freshman and sophomore year went to Union. We went undefeated until State like just dominated. As plan Club, I wasn't really getting recruited. I wanted to really like I wanted to go d one that was my goal obviously and it wasn't getting that like I had an offer from you and I but I wanted like, you know to go bigger than that and I will really wasn't giving me the time of day. So I had to make some decisions. I was doing ODP and I was in who are in China for a trip and I had gone on a few visits to Shattuck st. Mary's which is in, Minnesota. And it's a boarding school for soccer and my parents and I talked and we were like, you know shout I could really be the place that can get me to where I want to go ultimately which is D1. And so when I was in China, my mom called me I was like, you got to make a decision right now, like chatot called they need to know do you want to go and I was like, yeah, I'll go I was in Shattuck division school. So there it's a boarding school like a prep school, but they specialize in sports. So like hockey soccer and figure skating ever made Sports and the coach there. She was like a big name. She went to her name's Michelle Corners. She went to UNC Asheville. She had so many connections like with schools anyway, so I picked up and left. I was 16 years old left home went to boarding school for soccer when they're literally the best decision I've ever made in my life was the first time you were kind of on your own and by yourself. It's really scary. But like I don't know it was so much fun. I learn so much about like being on my own in about soccer. So I don't have to know the specifics but went there my coach went to she'll pieces really grew as a soccer player. I think that's probably where you the most and those two years and then she the coaches at Marquette which is how I got recruited by them and eventually committed their went to Marquette. Was hurt my first two years at my pad which is really hard later. But and so I actually got to Redshirt year. So I was like for six years but in six years got my Master's graduated and then I came home for like six months trying to go play for oh wasn't happening wasn't happening. Then finally. It happened and I got an offer to go plan Iceland. So I went to Iceland or six months came. Back in September and been here ever since trying to figure out what's next. Sorry. That's kind of long winded but that's good. That's perfect. That's actually perfectly. Okay. Bob went to the school in Minnesota. You were 16. Obviously you said it was difficult to be on your own but then also on really good do you think that's because when you first went there, you still had your 16 obviously still young. Yeah when you still had something to fall back on so it's okay. If it doesn't go great. It's I feel like it's like one of those Things when you're young for you now, if I don't I'm 16 years ago. There were strange is going on here play soccer for all the other applications. Only matter. You think it was one of those things? I think it kind of was but I also So if I did it go I I wouldn't have any other opportunities. Like if I didn't go and do that and take that risk, then I was going to be here and how you know not have to be you know, you guys a great school like that wasn't the level where I wanted to be at. And so if I didn't do that take that risk, like I wouldn't have liked reach those goals, right? You're not going to like yeah, it was a comfort thing. But I also knew that if I didn't do well that I was just gonna have to settle for something, you know, so if it's a good Pressure to put on yourself and say yeah. Yeah. Yeah after that one when you're doing like recruiting and all that sort of stuff. I was that process could you yourself reach out all over the place or when I was in eighth grade. We went to speaker that one of the club's camera think of serious. I had put on and she talks all about recruiting and my parents and I why I was probably the youngest person there like but we are like we knew that I wanted to go play D1 whatever she gave us so many Good tips. She said you need to be going reaching out tonight your parents like you need to do the research. You need to message the coach directly. So like I pretty much like my parents helped me sure, but I was the one writing the emails. I was the one sending them and doing that word. You know, they of course we're helping me, you know, checking the emails and stuff. But like I pretty much did it it's for you at the end of the day. So make sense that you did, you know. Yeah, and I did that I did that to actually because for me I actually my dad didn't speak English, so it's not a casual thing about anyways. Sorry do it on my own but I do think like you're saying to do that by yourself for yourself is it's important because for you again, so that's what we always thought that was really important is to make sure it's coming for me and I'm sure you were saying yeah, what was that? I guess look the most difficult thing especially during high school and especially towards the end of high school when I start to become more real and you realize that I do want to keep doing this because obviously I think you were 16 when you really thought hey, I'm gonna kind of go like this. You know what? It came close to high school ending it became a real the college is coming. How was that? That was scary. I remember so I was between going to Creighton and Marquette. Those were my two big big offers and I remember I would just be so stressed out like oh my dad crying just like don't know what to do. Like, he's both great offers, but like I want to go to Marquette, but it's a little more expensive. It's so stressful and like I'm not even just talking to his school's now like they feel the same way and I just remember being so stressed out. But then I remember when I finally called and I verbally committed in Marquette. It was like a weight lifted and I call my dad like crying happy tears this time. I just like I feel so good like this is like this is right where I'm supposed to go, you know, so like yeah, it's very stressful but once you commit and actually like I don't have a path to where you're going it's Like a weightless off your shoulder. So great. I think it's one of those things and I think we talked about it before we're trusting like your intuition from now when obviously you said Marquette is the one that you really wanted to do. You knew that but it's kind of the mental side of things where it's doing all these options is it makes sense. Is it the right movie just don't know and then once you made it felt so relieving, I think that's again trust in yourself. And that's something that I think especially especially in high school. It's tough to know. Yeah with the go with you have so many voices. Are you friends pee? Here's people come in and you left and right coaches, you know to really make a decision for yourself is hard. So I suppose a right now for those kids are obviously don't know what that process is like or what it all entails especially as it becomes more real to do all those extra things. What'd you tell him in those early years in high school where I think some of them even that young they have such a passion for that. They do think they want to keep going. Yeah, but what's going to come up in the next few years in high school? Yeah. Well, I know I mean, I'm sure the recruiting process has changed. I was going through it but I would ultimately say don't stress out too much like focus on your skills and really focus on Sakura building, you know, building up your strength and being a good player and then like make goals right about like what do you want to do you want to go do on what kind of school are you looking for? And really just like focus on those things and write letters and coaches to just the specific, you know, the things that you want don't settle for like a school that you know will be be okay, but like make those goals and really follow through on them and contact those schools because I think I don't know as young cater just like I just want to go play soccer in college and you don't really know what that means but do some research to figure out where you want to go. What do you want? I'm just got out of college, you know that happens kind of throughout the whole soccer Journey when you're young. It's I can't wait till I played club or high school and only High School working with I played college and on your car's. I can't wait to talk about it. Pro the thing is as a level kind of Rises, it becomes more real but then also becomes a whole lot more difficult because you're not just playing for fun anymore. Obviously, you still play because you have passion and brings you Joy, but it becomes more real it becomes more of a John something that makes take sacrifices all that sort of stuff. There's not just messing around and I still get to play as it becomes more real. I think that's something that kids aren't always prepared for so when your own kind of Journey wanted to become more real and what did you start to understand or like I have to start taking this more seriously. There's no more just I'm just going to play forever. I don't know. I think I would say in college was when it really hit me that like it's more it's more of a business than it is like a game. You know what I mean? Like there's so much more that goes into it with the coaches and like having to perform and balancing school or two. It's more than just a fun game that you play it is like if you don't perform you're not going to get to play and especially I will not grow weary. It is a business if you don't perform you're going to get cut or If I don't know, it's just it eventually you it loses its fun. But you still have that passion and love for the game where like it doesn't matter. If it's fun. It's more of just like a competitive thing for it. That's what it was for me, especially in college because I don't know if I was having a ton of fun in college playing but I loved my teammates and I love the game and competitive nature of it. And so like I know I always wanted to be the best and so like even after being hurt I did whatever it took. To get back on the field even though like I wasn't really having a ton of fun still. You know what I mean? I don't know if that's the middle. I think experience of most people but I think it is as it gets kind of that level gets higher you start to understand that there's just so much more at stake. So like to have fun with it all the time becomes really really hard. So that's when you have to really have to find other reasons for why you doing it, you know, and that will also be pretty uncomfortable to think about so for you as you just said so yourself, you kept going for some reason it wasn't always I want to know like when you're a kid, you played just pretty much to have fun. What was it for you? Why did you keep going? I think because ever since I was little I had these goals where I wanted to play D1 and I wanted to play professionally like I literally like I had a booster Mia Hamm my bedroom. I was little I was like, I want to be her own professional soccer player. And so that never really died for me. I always carried that with me wanting to put a crow but I think I kind of lost the the word I'm looking for but I lost the lost the fun in the game, especially when I went to Iceland like I was like, yes, I finally made my goal. I'm a professional soccer player. This is what I've always wanted, but then I got there and I didn't love it. I nobody spoke English, you know my team like I couldn't communicate with people talk about soccer as much and and I gotta learn said why are you still playing? That's kind of how I felt at the end of it, which is sad and I was really obviously very hard for me. Did you ever feel that in college to attend college? Obviously, you're also you move out there on Your own as well. Obviously a people that are getting you can communicate with and probably teach you to develop friends when you can. Have you can you can talk. Did you also feel that all and college or was that just strictly when you go overseas? I didn't feel as much in college because for me I was battling injury literally my whole career. And so that like took up all my mental space was like, oh gosh my foot starting to hurt like is that injury coming back? I was learning just so focused on my body how I was feeling that I didn't really I don't know I didn't about the game as much as I was just focus on myself and my body knows feeling and trying to perform the same time, so I didn't really get to think about like I don't know look at losing the love for the game. You know, what I'm saying makes sense when you did play like when you were healthy and collagen playing. How was that? What was that that bring you Joy? Awesome? Yeah. That was the happiest I've ever been. I'm not really thought about it in those words more like it's hard to because I when you're going through it, you're feeling those things like as they're happening. So it's hard to really yes. I understand them. You know, I think it is until until afterwards that you can look back and in college. I had this experience as I felt this and that, you know, because I'm curious now that obviously when you want to receive in and went to Iceland and it was a little bit different you still performed the wall over there though, didn't you? Yeah. Well first I struggled I don't know. So I've always liked score goals. That's like my thing was Riker and when I first got over there it was preseason. And I don't know what happened. I could not score a goal like I would play awesome. I'm setting people up I'd be shooting but I could not score and that Never happened in my life like never when I got her to Market my first two games back. I scored two goals. Like I was the leading scorer that year. So I never experienced that and to do that at such a high level was so hard for me eventually. I transferred teams and got to score goals and I was it was fine, but dealing with that right away, like I don't know it was so hard but like yeah at the end it was performing. I was scoring goals, but I wasn't it. I didn't feel like I used to feel when I was scoring goals. Do you think it was more of when you got there that the level was significantly different and that took a while getting used to or was it in your head? Obviously, like I said as it becomes more real and you're playing professionally now that that he you and you're like, well I'm playing professionally. Am I really supposed to be here was that was going on your mind. It was just strictly just just a level was different. You gotta make the adjustment. It wasn't the Louisville. That was definitely not the problem. I think it was a little bit of self-sabotage. Sure. Look I got in my head so much because I was like, I'm a professional like I'm getting paid to score but it's not a scoring so like next game I have to score and then I wouldn't you know, I would just like Spiral, you know what I mean? So I think it was definitely a mental thing of thinking of I'm professional supposed to be doing this or not, which would make it worse. Yes a poem. I don't know. Yeah, it was it was very Weird only 16 just that things started to go. Well, I think that's like a great thing because now you already obviously all right, the professional level changing teams. I think that's kind of like a fresh start but when you get into that first one is all new things aren't going away again. Like you thought they would when you transfer over it's a fresh start, but I think you built a little bit of confidence by hey, I've been playing professional for a little while already. This is just a new team. So it's almost like a fresh start. Would you say the coach on the new team have confidence in me than my other coach did I discovered that? I'm apparently a compass play where I need other people to put their confidence in me. Sure instead of you know me just because I always been confident player, but I think in Iceland I realized that like it is important to me to have other people rely on me and put their confidence in me sense. Go to more detail and I kind of like that. So do you mean like as a player? Has been the main forward obviously a lot of stuff will go through you especially up top. When you say that have enough confidence in you does that mean haven't you do everything as often as they can? Yes, but also so okay. So when I first got to Iceland that first coach was like I don't know just like always was like you don't have confidence like that's working out scoring and then my other coaches like you're the best you're going to score this game this game and dinner. We're going to give you crosses and just like I think is the language maybe I think sometimes but I think it's also because was in the same region also, yeah. Okay, so I do think obviously there's all sorts of different coaching Styles. I do think there's a certain cultures that will speak to a player's far as kind of building them up, but then other ones almost criticizing them to see hey, what are you made of how you going to respond? You know what? I mean, and I was like every pluralist approach differently. So do you like what a coach again as that trust in you kind of helped build you up a little bit or do you like it when they're hard on you or you got the mix? I think the bass is obviously great. You know what we should do you think you function better was I've had both and before Iceland. I didn't have a problem with either because I know my capabilities and know what I'm able to do. I know I can score goals anywhere but This coach in particular had a way of just completely making me feel like I couldn't do it and I know the other girls in the team felt the same way, so I don't know if that's just him like this one coach in particular because I've had coaches who are heart. I mean like I need sometimes I like, you know, that would be like taking in here. Give me a little you know, but I do think I cried more with coaches who are positive in more uplifting rather than tough love, right? And you think especially with the coach that is really hard on you almost trying to break you in a way. I think especially at that level because there's jobs on the line is job is awful in the morning. So if you don't perform it's this whole lot more weight on it, you know, so I think by intentionally trying to get to the players to really see what they're made of It kind of break them and it's a good tactic that a lot of coaches will use more so I thought the higher levels there's so much on the line, but it also think it can be super healthy for a players. Play really just like bigs down deep. You know what I mean? Because I think if you can have that experience to its extreme with being hard on you. It's going to be more beneficial down the line because often times you'll probably go to coaches that maybe weren't as Extreme as that. You can handle yourself better, which is always having coaches to build you up all the time and you get that one coach that really crushes you and then you can kind of completely ruin. Yeah. Thanks for you. Well, and I don't really like to admit this. Give him any credit, but I do think the reason that I was successful in my second Team part of it was because I was like well screw that guy. I know I'm the best right Ryan gonna do well yes a little bit of like, I don't know wanting to show him the right probably played into it too, which was good for me but stopped when I was happy. Oh, yeah for sure for like I said, it's always always in hindsight. You can like make sense of a little bit, you know, and it see what it means to you as far as like that language barrier over there. Did you to learn? Any of it there or did people generally speak a little bit of English enough to kind of get by on the field not everyone smoking like some English is not their first language be the only American on the team almost every team. I was okay. There was a few girls from Ghana. So that was interesting it gets so lonely when you can't speak to somebody, you know, because like I was like speaking of conversations, but you're not talking in depth about anything. Great pass. They just want to understand you know, so that was so what did like I said because they look like because like now I'm just like when you're in college you have friends you have school keeps you out the part of someone you wouldn't be working on the side part time. There's like so many things to keep you occupied when you're over there early country by yourself. Just playing. That's all that's all you do because I think I like a lot of players especially the young ones fall in love with this idea of how great soccer looks on TV and not just such a small percent. Very very, Small percent in most leagues across the world. It isn't actually nothing like that. You know, there's not money like you kind of see on TV at that's very rare, but in the life every single day every day that there's a regimen training when you eat all that sort of stuff and if you're a country where you don't know anybody it can be like I said that you said very long. You know, what did look at typical day look like yeah. It was so much different than College because like you said, I'll do schoolwork to work on but when I was over there nothing to do besides talk. So I'll go there I'd wake up and I'd have nothing to do until practice at 6 p.m. So I don't like fill my day with anything and I was living with a host family which was also uncomfortable for me because I always felt like I was intruding and like I don't know. I just always wanted to stay out of their way. So like when I would have loved to do was like cook and be able to like prep meals and like I don't know do something like that, but I felt like I was just like intruding on the kitchen and you know, so I didn't want to be in All the time, so I would literally like go outside go on walks and go do an extra training session by myself. Just come home waste time and like all of this was literally all by myself all day and the time difference from home was five or six hours. So like everyone else was like working when I wake up, you know, so I don't know it was just me trying to fill time. I started to like do a little bit of writing like I have an idea for a website that I was working on. But like other than that, I was just wasting time until practice every single day for 6 months. How many practices was there today one practice today? That's it. So I would either lift or train every day. Like I would just do another session on myself every day. Hmm. Well, they're pretty intensively as far as training comparable to college though. I personally wish they would have been Once I think the coaches were a little too lenient all my girls. We hardly ever do Fitness. So I have to keep up with my own business on my own. So that was hard because like you want to keep training, but then you know, you have practice later you don't want and you have to perform practice. Well, otherwise, you lose your job if you don't print so like having a balanced life and I want to run too much before practice because I know like we have a game and I have to live performance earned my spot. So trying to balance my workouts with practice was hard but Yep, practices weren't as hard as college campuses outside, which was yeah, we're different. Yeah, go back to this is min ago. He said enough was interesting to me that you started writing stuff. Yeah. Well, you're right. It was more like a personal Journal. I'm just writing like stories that I have for my life because I got weird. Church Jeff trajectory, I guess like just going to shouting they can then being hurt two years at Marquette and just I don't feel like I've been through a lot of like ups and downs and so I just writing stories of like how I got to play professional and just everything up until the end and I really was just so like liberating be able to write some stuff down that I've been holding in and like never really expressed before you know, so that I don't know that was really a cool thing that I started to do it I think Jody more of it still. Yeah, it's powerful. This is something I do for myself to you know, is it's very weird. Like you have all this stuff in your head and in your heart that you do you think and stuff you want to make sense of what it is until you get it down and it's like solid form the things can come to become more structured for you and you can start to make sense of what that stuff means to you know, but it does lift such a weight off for you. It's absolutely unbelievable learned thing. I learned things about how I was feeling that it didn't even know until I started writing it down. Down it was almost feels like you don't want to know. Yeah, that's why you don't write it down or 40 or talk about it that you don't want to know where this stuff comes from. Sometimes that can get really uncomfortable. Nothing. Like we talked a little before we started, you know, all along those lines of being able to talk about this stuff and like writing it down is sometimes just as powerful lobbies even like saying it out loud, you know, especially for the individual doing it by yourself and I think especially someone like you who obviously has had all these experiences all over the place that are probably drastic. Drastically different than what most people will have the writing that stuff done now down now is like a must-go foundation for something like bigger down the line, you know what I mean getting those ideas down because like I said before this is all stuff that people are going to relate to not just soccer players not just girls soccer players guy so I could players athletes in general of any sport. But then also everyday people that maybe are scared to try stuff to take risks because what if what if it doesn't work out, you know what I mean? What if they say this? What if they laugh at this? There's just such a message dear. I think by writing it down is just like stuff the foundation for for something bigger in the future. You think I think you're right because most people don't really have an outlet to speak about these type of things. You know, like it'd be great. If everyone could go see a therapist and we talk about the feelings all the time, but most people don't and so like just writing it down is kind of like your own little therapy is just liberating to be able to write those words down and do know that you had any thoughts about that you have to share with people. This is just what strictly like for the self, you know what I mean, we can do wonders of fact, you know, he said you want to do you stop doing it a little bit. Yeah. I just lost kind of so like I don't know. I just haven't been writing or I don't know. I'm just trying to figure it out all my head it it's I think it's almost like an L limbo stage. I have the exact same thing, you know because I was there I played for a long time too. And I got to that point to the few points in my life where like I just didn't know when you feel like really lost you Sheila soccer team of those things are or Sports in general. There's always something to look forward to next there's a next season then there's comments coming up and then there's the club coming up and then maybe pros come up in this Camp is always It keeps your mind occupied in your you know, your enjoy doing it, but then I said at this stage where you're in a place where you've done it all and that you don't know what's next. That's when like it's can be such an uncomfortable place, you know, and not what I was I tell people is try and really think about why you're not doing it anymore because like we've talked before I think right now you may be in a place where it's either the desire is there it's just the ugly signs of it. You don't want to do again. Oars for another reason is not you know going back or maybe holding on to something. Do you know what do you think it is for you? I do you feel like that you're done. And I know I asked you this before or janaka desires so there to play at all. I think I think after Iceland I lost all my desire. I I still have a love for the game. I like messing with something. We'll never lose right. I think I think you're I don't think it's something that you can well you can but I haven't and I obviously love to play but I don't think it's giving me what I need and life like it's not enough anymore. We're like in college it was because I could study and like I'd still be able to play do both but like now soccer alone really isn't enough and just stuff like it my personal life like with my relationships and my family like being over there all along was was such like an eye-opener for me of how much like I do love my family. I love being able to be with them and like I don't know. I think yeah, just like trying to figure out what's next though is the scary part because now without soccer like what else is there like do I really want to go be a school counselor, which is where my degree in is. Yes, I do. I think maybe I'm not sure like I want to help people and I think that's kind of why another reason I feel like I'm done is because pick up until this point in my life like it's literally been About me it's been I've been selfish like which is what people think you have to be right? You have to be in order. Yes, but like I just like I feel like I want more and I want to like be with the people I love and like give more to others. We're like with soccer. It's all about me. It's you know, and so but now it's like what what do I want to get? What our how do I want to help people? How can I hmm? Where do I want to do it? Yeah, and so like I'm just struggling with all these decisions that I have to make you know, and so so yes to answer your question. I do feel like I'm done. I think I've made that decision and honestly one day it just kind of clicked like I was like what I want to do drama keep playing and I was like, I don't like thinking about going to do something else and I'm going to play soccer like soccer didn't excite me, right? So I think yeah just clicked one day that I was like and I was like, that's You know and I think it really is a lot of people that won't relate to that just because like to sit here and say that you know sake did you play at a professional level and then soccer just doesn't do it for you anymore. Most people do it will be like are you crazy especially for those that are still in that Pursuit mode or younger like in high school where Sakura is the be-all end-all, you know to hear somebody say that it's just not doing it for me anymore. Almost done maybe crazy to them but few people ever get to that point where they can say, they've done that. In realize for themselves that this is not what's going to make them happy anymore, you know, and so to me like there's a there's nothing more powerful than that, you know, and I think they like and like I said, well, why don't go with soccer like that game mode doesn't owe you anything and you also don't know anything to the game. Once you understand like you're done. It's kind of like that the mutual understanding where or when you know, you know, and I'm going to go use like you said, I think I made the decision that I'm done, you know, you're done, you know, there's no thinking At it what you're thinking about is all the other stuff, you know what I mean, but I do think like it's almost liberating to understand that you've done all that. You just don't want to do that anymore except that and own that and once you do that, that's one that you mind can actually really start thinking about other stuff you want to do because right now I think you look in that in that limbo stage with it. What else do I do now? Because your mind is finally like free. I think when your mind is free to from soccer right now is like a Telltale that yes, I am done now I can really Maybe more in another Direction and let that part go what does like again like one of the hardest things to do, you know, I mean, you know, it's been your life for 20 years and it's kind of like a death like I'm like mourning the loss. I know you know what I mean? Like it's hard to accept that like that's not gonna be my life anymore when it's been my life for as long as I can remember well and so trying to figure out okay what can fulfill what soccer used to is the hardest thing ever it is. Is it is and for me? I think it was like with soccer obviously the playing and competing and playing the game of you're passionate about it is that it's amazing. But with excited I mean most in that is I always thought maybe if things go well for me I can maybe Inspire somebody else that was always a super intrigued to me when I got done playing. I was also like very lost. No, no absolutely no idea but that's hard to realize. Well what still excites me a lot is to maybe be able to like you said help somebody Inspire someone and so then I thought well that Feeling of being inspired and inspiring someone else is something that's amazing. That's what I want more of it so that it was Finding Avenues to do that, you know, so things like thinking about like, what is it about the game that really like makes you feel good, you know, is it just a competitive? So I think those are the people that you met was it their lives you were able to impact as of that stuff because you can still get all that and it's so many forms and so many ways it just trying some stuff out. You know what I mean? I think you have like a good background in was a counseling or Oh, you did School counseling? Okay, because something like that obviously requires working with young people and you have this amazing story to share now that can help a heck of a lot of people, you know something for you is it may be just a matter of messing around with something in counseling like for me I just jumped into coaching. I have no idea if I'd be good or not at it. You know, it's a different an image from playing to coaching but I get to talk to kids and I get to inspire them and that's what feels amazing that I like more than the coaching portion of it. You know the soccer ball. It's inspiring to helping them out. So that's like one of those was difficult ones right now to understand but I think you Slick still so young and it's like the most beautiful part about it is you about all this experience that a lot of people won't have it their entire lives and you're only 25 years old, you know, that's something to feel very very good about you know, and it can be like tough because you still lost right now, but I promise you as time goes on it's going to be something like that kind of like you couldn't have pictured like being any other way, you know. no his like I've always liked I've always felt like I wanted to do something huge like amazing and like soccer gave me that feeling of being able to you know, go play D1 and go overseas to play soccer and experience a different country and culture and I'm just like honestly, it's kind of scary to think like maybe I'll have to like settle down now and just start a 95 job, and it doesn't You know, do you get what I'm trying to say like a hundred percent? It's not like exciting me. And so now I'm like trying to figure out what's what what will excite me what really makes me feel like I'm doing something big and amazing sure what I'm supposed to do. Hmm. So that usually works for me obviously like when you get back from my playing soccer, but I still does go on you still have to eat. It's like to make money right so that barely when I get away from that, I think the like getting a Man Too. Five and maybe it just sounds so different than what you're you know right now, you know what I mean, but I do think of especially about somebody like you in for myself. I also do have a 95 job right now for me though. I don't put like my value as an individual on this this job that I have. I that's the title that I don't pull my values and individual. So for me, I too want to do like something something big stuff like that, you know, and and we can do that stuff. There's no excuses for that. It's just a long process. It's a big long game. And people want that immediate and it's something that gets me going. Now, you know what I need and that's just not going to happen. Think about what will you do with soccer when you first started completely different place to where you are now, right. She wasn't that big Journey thing in the middle that I mean the meat that makes that up same with this now, so getting a job and working 9:00 to 5:00. That's one of those things were like, you have to get over yourself a little bit because I think we get to the in our own heads were like, hey, I won't play the fashionable. I'm somebody we're still nobody's you know what? I mean? Even in other people's eyes, you might be somebody in the email. We look up to you but I think you'd understand. I am nobody nobody owes me nothing. And so if I want to go out and still do something big still do something great. I still care and it's about how am I going to do this? How can I do this? A lot of people come up with the excuses of well, it's because where I live at I don't have these opportunities. It's because it was around me and that to me is just excuses, but for me, I have a 9:00 to 5:00 and I find ways to enjoy it but there's something bigger that I'm working on on the side it takes up. All my time and I love it. I still feel like I'm pursuing something big and great. I got to put all my effort and energy into it. And again, it's kind of gives gives me that feeling like soccer. Did those are just as big as thing that I'm pursuing and I feel that way now to but that's something I created for myself, you know, and it's like a long process. It's a big game and it can't be done. It's just again it's fresh right now. It's not clear or not because it's just got back, you know, so it's hard to see that it took me about six. To a year of just kind of you know in my head. What can I do next? What can I do next? What can I do next? How am I going to do this writing and writing and writing and it finally stink things started coming together, you know something with one of the most, you know, powerful things you can do now is keep writing about that stuff you like of of ways you can still do something like video with your life because like as a woman 25 have all this experience. You know what I mean? What can I do with this? I think you're right. Yeah, I think You kinda nailed it on the head where like I do need to get over myself and not like well and also don't let like a job to find you like you can do so much more than just, you know, Facebook accounts or whatever it is, which is a good thing in itself. But I think I just need to like dive deeper and of what I think I can do what I want to do and how I want to help people because right now I just I don't really have a Direction but which is probably how most people start. Yeah. That's exactly right. That's exactly it. Like when I got back I was I've never been so lost. You know what I mean? Yeah, you just no sense whatsoever. Like you just you don't know what to do, you know, like for me. I just I pack my stuff up and I just moved to another town, you know by myself with a friend out there and like that was like super uncomfortable. But like I think that being away from family, but still kind of still closed and not doing soccer. Yeah, it just kind of made my mind work. What was out there by myself because sometimes when you come home from something like that that big like soccer and overseas when you come home and then it's just with your family with your friends every day. I will still that's like detrimental for a little while because it look it makes them start to make you comfortable but then start to make you crazy too, but you don't know what's next. It's just nice right now, you know something for me like it I didn't plan it that way, but I just got back from Thailand after a month. I moved to Iowa City and like it's been like the best decision ever just In that year my mind working and working and working. They got really really good, you know, so so doing my something just just different. You know what I mean? I do something different. Yeah because right now it's like I mean it's uncomfortable, but I'm also a uncomfortable like I'm ready to not it's almost like you're uncomfortable that you're comfortable. You know, I'm almost got look uncomfortable that I was enjoying my time with my family when I got back, you know, it's all wrong. For some reason that I wasn't pursuing something big. Yeah, you know, Exactly. Yeah, that's what we've been to think, isn't it? Yeah, it's really weird because like what I filled it burns time with my family and my friends know that you were like I've been in this Pursuit mode for so long and to not do that anymore. Like I'm a piece of crap now, I'm lazy that was tough, you know, so just for me, like I said, I just I just moved and just kind of force the deal with it. Then you're going to be such thing like you like something different to occupy your mind whether it's something really E fun or not, you know if it makes you uncomfortable even better but something drastic different to keep your mind off things is a big one because when you can do that, I think that the mind is going to keep working and working and working and and then, you know all along with writing stuff down. I do think something will come you better and that that is my plans is to move Start something but right now it's just like what's right. There's only been back for enough for myself. I got back end of September. So two months two months now. Okay. So stove Arizona is very real. Yeah. Yeah and literally my decision This is like three weeks ago. So did the actual official one, right? Yeah. Did you talk to like your family and friends about that? So that's like a conversation with was a difficult at first just like look through for me at least anyway, like I did this for so long and you know people know that I had played in pursuing all this sort of stuff and have to come home and say I don't want to do this anymore like Texts explain that it's a really hard. So then you say well, I don't really old my family finds an explanation and also probably not looking for one, right? You know what I mean? That's a goodness in our own heads. I'm sure it was that like for you like talking to them about it. Um, well the first person I told was my boyfriend because we're like trying to make plans and what to do. I decided I'm done, you know, what's next one and then I told my sisters because like they're my best friends in there. It's I can talk to them about And I told my friends still didn't tell my parents because I don't really know why but it was just hard for me. Like I couldn't even bring it up. You know, they would ask me like, what do you think about soccer and I feel like I'm leaning towards not playing like kind of feeling like how are they gonna react like or they can be okay with it and like they knew I was thinking about not playing my parents said and they always said like you do what you want. You want to be happy like you don't have to play don't think you have to play. Obviously, I would still want to put it that way like all yeah, and like not that I apologize. I owed them but like they believe in me so hard and like with everything they have and so for me to feel like I'm giving it up like not that I felt like I was letting them down but I felt like I was a little bit just because I'm getting enough. I'm not going for it anymore, you know, and like they believed that I could go all the way and So I think obviously time my dad was a hard-ass but he was I mean supportive and like he's helping me like figure out what to do next and like because the best but um, I don't know what even why I was scared. It was just that feeling of like they're not looking at me as like being a soccer player and right was like so weird for me. That's who I've always been like I Define myself as a soccer player and now that's not going to be who I am anymore three, and so telling them that Like terrifying it's hard. It's really hard. Yeah, and I think like because it is specially like to have that like difficult conversation again, you feel like you're letting them down and all that sort of stuff. But if you just kind of like poke a little bit kind of want to play just seeing their reactions like this you're going to make it or something for you, you know, I mean because it's more comfortable than for them. Like is she gonna play as you gonna plan it but certainly kind of on edge so since you like no you're done. That's how you say to your parents, too. You know, there's someone who just like let them down a million to go to do terrible things and try new crime. That's not the case. You must be you pursued your dream. He took it all the way they have nothing other than to be proud of you, you know, yeah and to be able to make a decision for yourself now about not wanting to do that anymore. There's nothing for them to be obsessed. About you know, maybe be nice if she kept playing of course, you know what I mean? But again, it's also one of those things where you also don't know your parents anything and that's like one of those, you know being young it's hard to understand that well this because they themselves put so much money and energy right? I went to it just like, you know almost as much as I did sure. It's like they're losing something to and I also think another like another reason it's so hard for me to tell them was because I knew once As I told them it was real. I'm not playing more like that's it. And so for me to like accept it was also very hard, you know, because even though I knew I was done like saying it out loud was so hard. Yeah, it's strange, isn't it? Yeah it is but I do think now going forward. Now you said it's out there it starts looks a little bit more for you also because now you're not like, how am I going to tell him how I'm going to tell you've told Yeah, so now it's maybe I can actually move forward sitting like it's good to know that like an illness like struggle with me in my dad to like it was hard to tell him at first, but I also know myself like I always try to like have a good head on my shoulders. Try to make good decisions. And oh no, I'm going to keep that up too. Yeah, there's nothing for them or him to be upset about you know the same for you for whatever you do next. You're not going to just take a turn for the worse now just didn't want to play anymore. You know what I mean? It's time to again do something different with your life make a Change and you're probably like the desire and the drive that you have like for soccer the with the work ethic. That's the something that never goes away. And that's something that makes me feel really good because no matter what you decide to do next. That's the follows you you know, it's when you find some you really like doing you commit fully to it. You're gonna be on this other new amazing journey, what's going to happen your parents going to be right there with you again? That's true, you know. Yes. Also exciting it is, you know, it's something to look forward to. Ooh that I can like have this driving something else something put all that energy into something else and make that three, right? Right. Yeah, that's crazy. That's like happen for like me right now. But yeah, but the podcast, you know, you know this and it was like the logo and then the shirt all the stuff. I'm like making like to dedicate myself fully to this just feels so amazing right now and I like makes me feel good every single day because I enjoy so much, you know that that drive that work ethic all that stuff is not gone. It's there. I had to put it into something else. You know, it's amazing. Yeah, it's just finding that and it's yeah, it's that it is that feeling that soccer gave you about like You know all this hard work that I put into is actually paying off now. They don't feeling that something else is super cool, but is because it's never for nothing, you know, you can look back and what the things weren't great or didn't you can choose to be better if you want to because they hadn't turned out a certain way or like for me like there's obviously a lot of ups and downs honestly mostly damn it was mostly difficult, you know, but now it's looking back out and change none of that stuff for a minute, you know, just like the way my mind works now and what I'm able to do now that I couldn't Imagine doing something else right because because of everything that I did so like I see my soccer Journey as nothing but positive and I wanted to use it and all the stuff. I'm going forward with you know what I mean? Yeah, it's gonna be like the case for you to like, I as you when you do figure something out do you do want to do all that stuff is going to it's going to help I guarantee it. Yeah, you know, how am I going to still processing my whole soccer career? You know, like how am I going to look? I'm just like looking forward to being able to like look at that as a positive thing that made me into who I am, you know, I mean like I don't know please said you could have a boyfriend. It looks kind of statement. Okay? Yeah. Well, so do like think that's me. That's just me but like I wish like a drastic change right now, I think would be great. So maybe just moving out there for you or something like that. It's completely different people in New environments somebody, you know, Which is great and it's a little fresh start and I might be like super healthy. Yeah, I'm not a mean that's that's like the plans but also like for me like I need to have something to do out there breath, you know, I can just go out there. Like that's just not me. Yeah, right. So that's not true. Don't plan too much. You know, it's you think obviously especially you have somebody out there you can stay with for a little while, you know, maybe even like save a little bit here get out there because we can always get by on a heck of a lot less than we think we can you know, it just we say that to ourselves maybe too hard so we don't have to act you know, but you know it was going to get by but when I moved to Iowa City that was uncomfortable sleep on couch or no idea. What I'm doing is that I'm me but little by little I can't trust myself enough where do all these soccer experience is being by yourself you want to Kill yourself at this point, you know, so you'll be able to do that if you can eat and have a place to stay you can figure things out as you go. Yeah, you know hmm. Yeah, it's all messed up to ourselves. You know what I mean? What do you think is because obviously the name of the podcast and everything is obviously vision is greater than anything. So again, it's thinking like bigger picture of you know, and I think right now because of luck you start our journey. I didn't going to make more sense than ever just Because you're probably in this place for again you pursuing soccer or this particular specific goal. It takes all over the place like stuff. You can't really expect you know, and it's like an emotional roller coaster. And so now how do you say I think it's gonna be a little bit easier for you think like bigger picture, you know, because now you know, whatever it is that you choose to do next. It isn't always going to go your way. It isn't gonna be perfect all the time. It isn't gonna you know change your life drastically that that minute never works that way, you know, but I think like understanding that stuff Alex I could give me the understanding where things are going to go my way all the time. I know that and I still want to do it, you know, so if once you find something that's worthwhile, even if it doesn't go well for a long time, like that's that's when you really going to be set, you know what I mean? Because of mindset now is when some doesn't go well, I'll make my adjustments. It's not the end of the world. Yeah, I learned you know what? I mean? I think you didn't talk to you know, I think so. Yeah. What do you think's next? Um, I don't know I'll figure it out. Like I'm this podcast has really helped me actually to not like stress so much on the specifics. It's more of just like I'm going to give myself time to like process everything but also take my time figuring out. What's nice, you know, like I wanted to DC I want to be with my work and whatever but like I don't think I want to figure out what I'm going to be doing forever right now. Like I'm okay with just going out there doing something for a little bit and then figuring out what You know I'm saying like absolutely because of it for me like there is no age like by which everything has to be figured out. Yeah, absolutely. Not you know what I mean? Yeah. I think that's like a pressure to that Society kind of puts on us. Yes, when you're nice cool think about these things so that it goes this way and when you get the car just focus on these couple things and then things will go this way, you know, and when you have the real world that just do this at all go this way, you know, and that just like that that's real. You know, I think it's really up to the individual to make a fort. Souls, you know what they want things to mean what they want to do there is no like timetable, you know, which is a great everybody's like on their own Journey their own path, you know, it's like don't sister myself. I never feel pressured about that sort of stuff. You know what I mean? Because I've done things that a lot of people haven't so if you you know, can I trust myself enough now to keep going out and doing the things that I like and maybe like building a life for myself. It's kind of meaningful. I thought it's up to all of us to do that and we get to choose what it means for us. You know, yeah, but there is no by this data have to do this. I have to know this. It's just not real it's and it's hard trying to live up to others other people's expectations for you or like we're in high school. We are pretty much told like you need to go to college and get a job, you know, and after college if you get a good job or like it didn't work like that for me tomorrow, you know right away for you and so like right now I need to stop thinking what other people think about what other people are going to think if I don't Job, like a career job. You know what? I mean? It's like I do worry about that too much. Sometimes kinda gets it. It's not even your fault that I mean that just kind of how things are set up. You know, I think we're Delta believe that there is just blueprint and if you follow it, these are the results here and I just think like whether you're younger and you buy into that or you're older and you have bought into that at some point, you know, that that's just not reality. You know, there is no blueprint that just will be kind of Camille as a group decided to maybe that's just how it's going to be but it isn't you know, so for me like I get to choose what all this stuff means for me, you know what I mean? And that's a really liberating feeling even though sometimes it does feel long. Were you must feel like you're breaking this this more that you're not supposed to be almost. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I think like to get anywhere into really like do stuff that you want to do and live life your way that is not the stuff it takes you know, and that's not the case that there's anything wrong with doing it that way or doing a traditional. Nothing wrong with either of those, you know, but if you can be happy if you're happy at the end of the day, you win regardless of which way you go, you know, do you know that by now, you know what I mean? I got nothing else to do, you know, that was perfect again. I appreciate you coming on and sharing that stuff. Obviously. It's it's hard, you know, like it was an issue hard for me to start talking about that stuff. But the more you do it the better you feel and I know less weight it has on you, you know, and I do think just by Having this conversation. A lot of people again, not just soccer players not just athletes people in general have difficult have a difficult time talking about this sort of stuff, you know, and really that opening up about it, you know. Yeah, so I think a lot of people will find Value from this has a really appreciate you doing that, you know, absolutely. I hope you'll keep keep keep doing it, you know, keep writing and then keep talking, you know, and I think sure enough some Something's Gonna Come Avenue down. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to that episode. I do hope that the discussion between me and Darian guidelines were looking a little bit if it did that's great. I hope that you got something valuable from it. I know it's difficult to kind of share these these types of stories. This is the first episode that I actually did with another individual. It's my first guest. So the way this one started will be a little bit different than the rest of them will start going forward this one I did. Ask the question. What is your vision right off the bat? That is something that I thought about after I did this episode some kind of also learning as I go as I do this one, but going forward from here on out. It represented will kind of start with the big question of what is your vision whenever I have a guest on there. So this will be the one that isn't again something. I'm learning something. I am deciding to kind of add as I go. I do hope that you enjoyed this one. I will leave in the description on The website here where you can reach me whether it is email or through any of the social media platforms that I'm using. I'll leave the link in description to all that sort of stuff. I do hope that you share some stories with me. I do like listening to them again as I mentioned before I do think everybody has a story to share. I love hearing about them or if there's something you know, you're struggling what I'd like to have a conversation about that stuff, too. So again, thank you so much. And again, my name is Steve. Oh, this is vision is better than anything until next time.
My first episode with a guest but the first of many! Darian Powell is a former professional soccer player out of La Porte City, Iowa that I got to meet through the beautiful game. I was one of her personal coaches after she finished playing in college and was preparing for an opportunity at the professional level. I felt that she was the perfect guest to start off this podcast because 1) she loves soccer just like me, and 2) she pursued her dream and came to a point where she knew that she didn't want it anymore, just like me. Explaining that to yourself is one of the most difficult things in the world, let alone to other people, but when you know, you know. It takes a lot of courage to open up about our life experiences, our ups and downs, our dreams and aspirations but it's even more difficult to be honest and transparent about them with ourselves. Fortunately for me, Darian has no shortage of courage, that's why this episode was possible. She talks about her story and how her journey unfolded and brought her to where she is now. Whether your story involves soccer or not, there's still something for you in this episode. Chances are that wherever you are in your journey, you've either felt, experienced, or thought about some of the stuff that Darian and I talk about. I hope that you enjoy this episode and you find something that you can relate too. Thank you for your time. 