Hey guys, this is Lisa and Rebecca and we are here on the secret life of weddings. If you like drama, you're in the right place where we tell you the world's craziest, but true wedding stories. So get ready for the drama on the secret life of weddings. Hey everybody, it's Lisa and Rebecca here for episode 119 of the secret life of weddings podcast. I am well lubricated with oil and it's late at night oil. Wow. I am well lubricated with why not? I just said I was well lubricated with oil. Did you hear that? Okay, this is okay. This is gonna go great little Lube never hurts. Anybody. Everything is fine. I'm not re recording this. It's too late. Okay, everything is fine. All right, let's do it. Let's do in the news. Ronan Farrow is moving. On to a new chapter thanks to a question written in the pages of his recently released book The Pulitzer prize-winning journalist is engaged after asking pod save America co-host John love it to marry him in a draft of catch and kill released on Tuesday. It had been a long year for me and for us but we hung in there Pharaoh writes in his book later. When I decided some of that reporting would make its way into a book. I'd send him a draft and put in a question right on this page marriage question mark on the moon or even here on Earth, he read the draft Pharaoh continuous and found the proposal here and said sure on Mondays episode of pod save America Ferrera expressed how much love it's encouragement meant little sweet. I love it. I'm all twitterpated. Just this might be drunk Lisa question, but seriously, And love it. This is not the person I think it is. Is it now? Okay just to clarify. I just I love the name. You know who I'm thinking of right the Gideon. I'm like, yes. All I can picture is John love it is apparently now again gauge man and I just don't I didn't think he was gay. So I'm confused by that and then I'm like, he's a whole host of a podcast. I did not he's much younger. Okay, I was gonna say this sounds like a very young person. So yes, yes. Oh just Terrified there's a different person named John Lovett. Who's not a middle-aged comedian? Yes. Thank you. Your welcome. Thank you. I appreciate that clarification. I do congratulations to these people. That's amazing. Yeah, that's a super cute way to propose to I love it. Oh my gosh. So adorable. We are going to jump headfirst into the fuck it bucket one of your favorite favorite parts of this podcast because we love shitting on things. That's just something we do. Yes, it's really I mean, we've been practicing for many years Rebecca and I yeah, so let's put inviting people. I didn't really want to invite to my wedding into the fuck a bucket this week. What do you think? Yes. Yeah this needs to go in the fucking bucket because I'm getting tired of reading it and wedding groups. I'm getting tired of y'all complaining about it is what I'm gerd of. Yeah. Listen, it's ongoing. It's Too much. It's your wedding. And I get that like your parents are paying for a bit of it or this or that or even they're paying for the whole thing. I mean, there's like a ver a variety of yeah Arrangements out there. I got think what you have to do is be cognizant of the fact that it's your day. Yes, right. It's your wedding. You need to have the people there that mean the most to you. It's not a free-for-all. You don't need to make it one and give your parents a set guest list. It will make them happy and everybody will feel loved and you know happy just give them a set list and then they can invite whoever they want in those numbers. Yes. I think the day goes by so quickly for couples it really Does I know I don't remember mine. Like I really don't they are Lum. Yeah just goes by so quick because so much is going on and you know to look back and think oh, I didn't even know half the people there. It kind of sucks. Let alone see them. Yeah, or even if you spend time seeing in the you're going around spending time and thinking and talking to people and it's so much obligation that I think people need to cut it out agreed totally. I mean, they just cost you money, you know, if Too many people you don't even get to interact with them all and they usually don't bring a nice gift to make up for it. I am I right. Yeah, that was one of the things I saw I put that in there for Reddit made me laugh. I was like, this is brilliant. It's so funny. But you know, we can't but the point is it's not about the gifts. It's just about the your time right? It's a finite thing you have on your wedding day make your intentions good make choices that will add to the day not take away from the day. Yeah. I don't feel guilty. Yo, do not feel guilty. Now. Don't let anybody make you feel guilty at the end of it all. It's not going to matter. It's not going to be that big of a deal especially like your sisters Brothers cousins X boss's secretary who guilted you for an invitation like fuck sharrouf's. Listen Doris. No, Cheryl Cheryl wasn't there for you? You don't get to be there for Cheryl? Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's enough. All right. We're good with that. We are good. Alright, and that's all I've got to say about that. That's all you got. Our first stories from a listener named Kate. We're giving her the name Kate Hi Kate. She gets she gave herself the name Kate I was going to say does she know who I'm talking to if she's not named Kate? Yes. I was at my friend's wedding a few years ago. And the reception was in a fancy Art Gallery the bride and groom are both lawyers and there was a lot of alcohol, which was great. Yeah. I was utterly Hammered at the end of the night and was standing in front of this really pretty photograph of a horse. The gallery owner came over for a chat and we started chatting about art. I was bullshitting at top speed not being an art person love that bullshitting at top speed. I remember that. Yeah. I was trying to make intelligent comments about the composition and the focus and probably sounded like a complete moron the owner asks if I like horses And I said, yes, I wrote as a teenager. So he motions for me to follow him to his office. And I do so we're in the middle of a wedding reception after all when we get to his office. He pulls out his phone and shows me over 100 images of HD photos of explicit horse. Barn. This did not happen this literal photos. I'll be wrecked horsedick horses being mounted. By other horses an action shot of a horse coming. I've seen a lot of things in life, but I've never seen that we either me neither and I've been down some rabbit holes you ever just keep clicking on the internet and you're just like did not mean to see that. Yeah, I get out of there ASAP. I find the friend. I came to the wedding with and we go to the bar to get another drink and laugh off the experience. The owner of the gallery beats us to the bar though, and the Cuts us off for the night so we leave there be like and no you don't you don't get to cut us off. Do you know they just have to see and horse porn guy becomes Legend in our friend group though. We never tell the bride probably a guy decision amazing. That's amazing. I want to like photograph. That is my favorite story of 2019. I think it might be I want to photograph this like screen cap and put it on my phone as wallpaper. Oh Kate. Thank you telling everybody this story. I am just next time we just did an interview on a great show called scam. Wow, and we'll yeah, we did will totally post the link, but we're going to be guests on their show soon. I have no idea. What date Because I didn't ask but the point is we talked all about wedding scams and stuff. We've seen over the years. But yeah the next time we do an interview, I don't care if it's warranted or not. I'm talking about horse porn guy. Yeah, it's happening. I think it you're going to deal with it. I think we need to make a little special advertisement for this episode with a horse in it. Rebecca let's report. Let's record it right now. Okay ready? Hey there podcasts fans. Do you like horses? I do do you like porn? Yeah. Well wait till I tell you what our latest podcast episode is about check out the secret life of weddings available everywhere you get quality podcasts about horses and porn. Come on over. Oh my God, this is so not the story I needed to watch after I had like three glasses of one. Take take it down a notch Lisa, okay. Do we have a new saga? We have a saga. So just maybe I see the word Saga and I got a little excited here. Oh dear. Now this one this is special. This is called. Yeah the Canadian wedding Saga and I can't take credit for the title because that's the title. They gave me and I live with it like they emailed us with this. Yes. Holy cow. I love it. All right the Canadian wedding Saga part 1 my family and I are from a small island. In the Pacific, I love to study in Australia for a while, but came home after I graduated back in the 70s. My dad's oldest brother Jeff moved to Canada and married a Canadian woman called Rachel Jeff. So laid-back. He basic just sorry Jeff so laid-back. He's basically horizontal. I love so hard but I read this that's great. Oh my God. Rachel is like a lot like kitty the mom. From That 70s Show who I adore I love but more hyper if that's possible Christian and a horse person. Okay, just sit. Did she go to every other wedding? Listen, do I have a feeling about is this a themed episode Rebecca? Okay not okay, not just coincidence guys. They have three kids Scott Brandon and Jess. Just as the closest in age to me and both of our families are pretty close. We make the trip to see each other fairly frequently. Brandon came to live with us for a while as a teenager to attend. His dad's old school and I went to live with them for a while to attend their local school since our families are so close when Brandon got married back in 2007 my parents and I made the Trek to Canada for the wedding. The wedding was lovely his bride. Erica is the sweetest and only two things really I stood out as being slower. They that number one at the end of the ceremony before Brandon and Erica did their recessional the venue owner grabbed the mic and ran through a list of rules for the venue which included the instruction not to use the decorative Pond as a toilet. Charming that's great. I love that was part of the list. Please don't shit in the pond the koi really get irritated. They get bloated. Yeah, they'll eat it number two, because Brandon and Erica's wedding was a week before my finals at Uni my trip to Canada was ridiculously short I flew in the night before the wedding and left the morning after the wedding that sucks balls yikes that leaves no room for evenly 10% of a wedding hangover. Yeah my turn around. So fast, I had the same crew on the airplane there and back. Wow, that's funny. That's Insanity as it turns out flying into and out of Canada from the South Pacific within 36 hours sends up a lot of red flags there checking her ass for cocaine, you know, I was interrogated at gunpoint by an American Immigration guard our police don't even carry guns. So that was a shock. Where is she? From Holy Hill Australia and South Pacific. She was actually coming in from the South Pacific. Yeah. Wow, so she was really traveling because we don't you know, you know, our guys carry guns is the British that don't I got confused for a minute there. Our police don't even carry a gun. So that was a shock and when I made it home our immigration officers put me in an interrogation room and asked if I had any physical proof I had been at a wedding. Holy crap. Whoa, this is like my worst nightmare. Yeah. This was before cameras on cell phones were standard and all I had with me was one of those little wine D wheel disposable cameras. They declined to get it Pros as for me. Oh my God. It was 5:00 a.m. And That they'd intercepted me before I could get a cup of tea in the term. And also my response was a very grumpy what other than my hangover they let me go eventually whole. Wow in 2014 Scott got engaged and his wedding to Karen was scheduled for New Year's Eve. This was just as I was finishing grad school, and I decided this would be a great time to have a holiday with my then boyfriend. We planned a two-week holiday to Canada and then Disneyland, but when We got to the baggage carousel in Canada. I remember looking at him and thinking I don't want you here. This relationship is over. Was it a rough plane? Right burn such a burn awkward screams, please note when you're in the middle of a breakup Disneyland is not the happiest place on Earth the whole trip was miserable. I was drunk off my ass the entire time rather than deal with the reality of my relationship breaking down and within half an hour of making it back to Australia. I had all of my stuff packed in a car and never spoke to him again. So she dragged her way through Disney World. Yeah. Wow, that's actually not hard to do. But yeah, wow I can just imagine her Tipsy on the It's a Small World After All right it hurl. No kidding. Why I moved back to our Islands shortly after that. So when just got engaged to Noah in July this year. I was a really happy for her and be looking forward to having a really good trip to Canada. Probably third time's a charm for once. I swear to God, we're a good place to visit. Okay. I figured the wedding would be next year. So I'd have time to save up and save my leave from work to do a nice long holiday visiting a bunch of North American friends. The wedding is this October. They announced this in Late July. So like like no time to do anything. Thanks and my cousin specifically invites my step-grandmother Heidi. My dad's parents got divorced and remarried in the early 80s. So my cousins and I grew up with four grandparents on that side of the family. Heidi is the last one left and just has always been really fond of her. I'm far less fond of Heidi. When I when I was breaking up with an abusive boyfriend, she told me that my generation makes too much of a fuss and that we should just learn to deal with the things like her generation did. Oh, wow. Oh boy yikes. I did deal with it by dumping his ass and getting a full PhD scholarship in Australia there for having an excuse to leave the country and my family for five years. Hey, do what you got to do? Yep, you'd think Heidi would be proud of her youngest granddaughter getting her doctorate, but no. About a month before I defended my thesis. She asked me when I was going to give up this silly University business and get married because I was getting too old and ugly to marry Rich. Oh yikes. She also makes a habit of jabbing me whenever she sees me in pointing out how fat I am and how cheap the fabric of my clothes feel as a result. I'm not a fan of this woman and I avoid her whenever possible. Oh my okay. I can't imagine why Grandma Heidi needs to get the stick out of her ass. Yes. She does when Jessa Noah's wedding date is announced it turns out my parents are going to be in Norway on a business trip that weekend. I'm the only grandchild left in our country though. I live on a different Island than my family lives on because I'm not insane. So Mom turned to me. The following is our email chain. Can we like go back and forth for back and read this? Yeah the way we do in our voices. I love I love that's way too much fun. Okay. Um, I'm gonna Me and you be mom I like when you're gone because of how you read that last story. We did was really funny if Heidi can go how do you feel about traveling together? I prefer to travel on my own looking at my leave balance. It might be a pretty quick trip a polite lie. I have plenty of leave. Okay. I will have a chat with Rachel and see how she feels about Heidi coming over. I feel in some ways. Heidi may be an unwanted additional stress to Rachel's life when it will already be stressful as mother of the bride for Jess. It would be fun to be a fly on the wall. I think the mother has a little bit of drama zesting her. They're great. Given how stressful Scott's wedding turned out to be with my accent. Oh, I was really hoping that jessa's wedding would be unstressed vowel. So let me know what Rachel says then again. I wasn't planning on a North American trip until I was in my house as that's what all my savings and leave are currently being banked for Another plate live. My savings are pretty solid. If you go you would be representing our family. So it is only fair that our family Pace fuck. I'm out of excuses me, so I have to dress nicely and can't get sloppy drunk and start a fight darn and with that it's decided that I am escorting my grandma to Canada for my cousin's wedding. My mom books flights for me and Grandma and I realized that The date of the wedding means I'll have to pull out of my first gymnastics meet. I started gymnastics a few years ago when I turned 30 and it's super fun. That is so fucking cool. Ah, I love ho. You're my hero that's amazing honest incredible which turns out to be a bit of a scramble but I get it done. Then the news comes out. It's going to be an intimate alternative ceremony at my aunt and uncle's house. There's room for 50 guests and no cousins are invited. Oh shit, I start to wonder if my duties have just been reduced to get Grandma to Canada hand her over to the relatives and then have a nice holiday. She's I think that would be like the perfect thing for her to do. Yeah, Mom and Dad have changed their plans. So they're returning home from Norway via Canada to collect Grandma. They're like throw her on the wing. So I just have to get her over there. And then I travel home on my own. This is not acceptable to my mom though who emails Rachel and Jess and demands an invite for me? Oh no fun. I heard Lee email Jess and I apologize for my mother's rudeness. I reiterate that it's her wedding and she can invite who she wants. And if anything could I please come to the brunch the next morning? I figure that's when Scott and Brandon's kids will be in attendance. Not at the ceremony and I'm looking forward to meeting them. I'm clear that since spaces are tight. Happy not to be invited if she wants to invite some of her friends over me. That is super cool. By the way my animals back. It's Rachel here. Probably speaking out of turn but I don't think so. I'm sure it's fine to be a family rut for your parents in a skort Heidi. It's unfortunate. It's a very small unconventional wedding held upstairs in the games room. There is seating for maybe 50 with immediate family and their closest friends. It's full and that's why I know cousins decision even my brother is not getting invited at this point. I double down on my offer to not actually attend the ceremony but just gives in to the pressure of my aunt and mother and adds me to the list as Grim as plus one. Nothing better than being Heidi's date and then I get a call from my mom in late August. She's at the hospital with Heidi. Heidi has leg pain and chest pain with radiation to her jaw and down her arm the doctors suspect either pulmonary embolus or Cute cardiac event. The wedding is seven weeks away. Oh, oh, it's gonna happen. Oh Heidi not looking good. Come back next week for part two of the Canadian wedding Saga. Thank you so much for sending that in if you have any crazy true wedding stories or Bachelorette bachelor party stories anything really that you think will you know light us up make us happy send it to a secret life of weddings at gmail.com. Whoo ready for another story always. Yeah, we have another listener story because you know, we have a lot of those. Can I just say Rebecca before we jump in? I am in awe of how often my phone goes off and I see these amazing emails coming in from people. It is so cool to read. I'm a fan of the podcast. I laugh I listened. Yeah store. I don't care if you just want to say hi drop us an email. Like I have the best time seeing your notes come in it seriously puts a smile on my face every day. Yeah again it does if you just want to say hi. It's awesome. It's all on Rebecca to reply to you, but I get to read them secret life of weddings at gmail.com getting around to replies Rebecca. No pressure whatsoever. She is doing her best. It's a lot man. She is I'm and I'm in. Like the middle of like super busy. I'm so swamped with work right now, if you know anything about wedding photographers and portrait photographers, like fall is the worst. It is the worst. I once shared a meme said something like October for wedding photographers or photographers in general is like spring for accountants. Yeah, you know, well Lisa, can I test I've been super busy with her past few months? Oh, yeah been swamped. You are every week and you're shooting. Oh, yeah, even during the week like a shooting yesterday too. And now I'm just like in editing Abyss right now. Yep. I mean the upside of that lots of podcast listening. Yes. Yes get to catch up on those bad boys. They should make an app that you can listen to your emails and reply to them that probably just exists with Siri at this point. Yeah true. Okay. I love my engagement ring, but I always wanted a bigger Stone. I started looking at Diamond. It was going to cost us like 12 to 15 thousand dollars. I always just assumed that I would buy diamond everything but after looking into it and comparing diamond versus Moissanite. I was absolutely Blown Away by how much more fire and Sparkle the Moissanite had than the diamond Charles in colvard created Moissanite SAR the best in the market with their brand forever one. They are totally unparalleled. We got some amazing earrings from these guys. They gave us the most Beautiful one carat Moissanite stud earrings. I wore them to a meeting. I felt gorgeous. I'm wearing them cleaning my house. She's like mopping. I'm all about these babies. All Charles and kovar jewelry is made with 95% recycled precious metals. I also love that I can wear these moissanite stones without feeling guilty. They're totally conflict-free unlike diamonds Moissanite is one of the rarest minerals in the world. So you can't actually mine it you have to create it in a And despite being so rare. It is way more affordable than diamonds. The difference in price seriously allows you to put that towards like a honeymoon or a down payment on your first house learn more and get 20% off with our special listener offer at Charles and colvard.com secret life. That's Charles and colvard.com Secret Life. Anyways, listener story. Hello. I'm a big fan of the podcast. So I thought I would submit a ridiculous story that happened to me. My friend, let's call her a mall had just gotten engaged now. I should tell you some background information. My dad is a clergyman and he helps refugees that have just arrived in the country a mall was from a family. He was helping and that's how we met. So he's like a real jerk is what I'm getting. Yes story. She stayed with my family for months because the family problems after her mom had passed away. She was in a relationship with a guy in another state we all discouraged her from Being in this relationship discouraged her from being in this relationship because he should shit. Do you think that's a typo or was that like a subtle passive-aggressive passive-aggressive? Oh, yeah. It had to be. Yeah. Okay guys if you're in a bad relationship, it's now a relationship. Yes, because the guy was an abusive asswipe definitely relationship she met. Yeah, so naturally they got engaged now a mall. Liz Muslims so they don't really do bridesmaids but the bride always has friends around her to do functions with especially since many weddings in their country are gender segregated this. I know I've shot a lot of these Hmm. This story is going to be about the circus shitshow engagement party. We attended and how we got Uninvited from the wedding am all her sister and I went to every shop in our state looking for the perfect engagement dress for her. We finally found a beautiful. Pink gown that she adored so she called her fiance to wire her the money and he shot it completely down in their culture the fiance pays for all wedding expenses. Okay that I didn't know the reason he did not want it was because it was not read. Apparently. She had to wear red just because her engagement party was on Valentine's Day. Why were we not informed of this before we got blisters on our feet who the fuck knows she Grace without argument and tells us we need to find a different dress. I am annoyed at this moment, but figure that we need to move on and keep looking because we are running out of time. I'm all suddenly just stops being picky and decided on a $50 dress from Macy's is now acceptable. This dress is not even appropriate for homecoming. I could see her belly button through it. No, I calmly tell her to reconsider and she does we find a dress only five minutes layer. That is fine. And I thank the gods of feet that we could go home the next week her soon-to-be mother-in-law shows up and tells her that there is no way that this dress will fit a fat girl like her a mall is a size 6 not fat nor that's totally besides the point. No one should be saying that to her but no feather my mom her sister and I keep trying to convince this girl to run as fast as possible to no avail the day of the engagement. It comes and we all am all my mom her sister and I go to the beauty salon to get all her hair and makeup done. It is a blizzard outside. So after we are done, we want to go back home. We pool into the car because the salon is now closed in a mall refuses to go back home insisting that her fiancé has to pick her up from the salon, even though our house is literally two minutes from there. We are forced to wait in the freezing cold in an unheated car. For 45 minutes until the prince shows up with his brothers to pick her and her sister up because God forbid he picks her up from our house. Now. I started getting suspicious at this moment because I had a sense that we were being lied to but my mother would just not hear me out my mother and I had just spent around $600 on our dresses hair and makeup because Amal insisted that this party is a fully formal event, and we wanted to look nice see since her mom had passed and her dad had gone overseas. We were almost her substitute family for the evening and my mom wanted everything to be perfect for a mall. We were given the address of the hotel where the wedding was to take place. It was in a nice hotel. So we assumed everything was going fine her fiance and his family had chosen the venue and set everything up for the party and we were going to be there to support her. When we arrive at the party. We realized that the venue is a 30 seat conference room. The table had been moved to the wall of the room and take out from the local mid-eastern fast food restaurant was placed on it in aluminum trays covered in Saran Wrap. Now. I am not one to judge budgeting limitations, but it seems that we spent more on our attire than her engineer fiance had spent on the entire event. Wow, the guests from her side of the family were dressed like they just came from the flea market again, not judging many limitations. Ation, but these people are not poor and we were told we had to dress formally because it was a very nice fancy party. Her mother-in-law's hair was dyed orange. She fucking she's like that but just thought it should be Travis Lee had meant to go blond but decided to DIY it and failed miserably but was not at all bothered by it. Her brother came wearing his overalls from work and sat in the lobby staring down all the guests. Without greeting anyone we were all assured to take pictures with someone smart phone. Oh, okay. I'm out. I'm officially no and someone complimented me on my dress. I'm all started looking at me with a fuck you face and I question what was going on. She told me that I was trying to take away the spotlight from her because my hair and dress looked better. Oh my God. Whoa, so am all the bride act. Yeah she does. These people what the fuck I disregarded her comment and comment simply because the day turned out really badly. I thought and she was probably very stressed out. I just quietly sat at our table while she shot me angry glances from the sweethearts table where her future mother-in-law decided to join them. Oh that's really really really romantic. It was time to cut the cake and I was still naively expecting a two or three tier cake that everyone would eat from Of course, her mother-in-law had picked the cake. It was a heart-shaped pink grocery store cake that would feed about 10 people. Wow. Keep in mind. There are about 50 people at this event the Mother-in-law proceeds to Cut the Cake herself and licks the knife to everyone's horror. She gives a piece of the future bride and groom and asks, if anyone would like any the room goes silent. So she takes the cake closes it again. It's from the grocery store and says that she is gonna save it for her kids three men all over 25 years old red flag. Oh at this point. We all just want to leave and we make a polite but Hasty Retreat towards our car and face the blizzard gladly. I did not mean to Jesus, right? I did not see him all for the next few days because she had gone home to prepare for her henna a sort of Middle Eastern bachelorette party, which is usually at the bride's house we show up to this party and a mall is completely distant. She does not say two words to us the entire night. We sit there very uncomfortable and I have a conversation with her sister who reveals that we are not invited to the wedding and we never were so wait just to clarify they didn't already I know because this is like a South Asian kind of thing. Yeah, they had an event. So they I thought that was the wedding that they were at know that was the engagement party. So they do the engagement party and then they do the henna night and then they do the wedding. Okay. Thank you. Yeah, apparently a mall hit our existence from the groom's family and told him that we were family friends that she barely knew the only person that was invited to her wedding was Sister the reason she didn't want to be picked up from our house is because she did not want the groom to know about our existence. She needed us for rides to beauty shops the mall and Islam, but our work was basically done. We left the henna party and shocked silence and I vowed never to help anyone. I did not trust again. Of course, I could not stop my mom from repeating the same mistake with a mall sister, but that's another story. Wow, good. That's so fucking shitty. That was like a Hitchcock twist. Like I didn't I didn't see it coming where she was going to be the bad guy. Totally thought it was going to be the Fiat. Yeah. Yeah. I know well written. Yes. Congratulations on the hook with the fiancee dude major red herring type situation happening there. Wow. That was absolutely incredible. I just want to take a really super quick moment to thank our patreon. And flick Chad premium members this week. Yamuna M KC s Grace be and Anna. Oh, they went to patreon.com slash secret life of weddings to get more episodes. Okay. Thank you so much. You can also go to flick chat and choose to be a premium member there. Check our links in the show notes for both options. Whichever. Yeah, whichever suits you baby. Whatever you want to do. Thanks. Y'all thank you. Let's hit up some double D's before we check out for this week. I've been seeing a lot of Double D's come in from listeners and even oh, yeah, so I can't go back and forth anymore because I gotta get these in okay, so it's like we're just there so it's funny you think divorce is the shitshow of society yet dating apparently craps over everything 10 times. Yes more. Yes. It does right. There are ten times more a hundred times more shitshow dating stories. Then there are shitshow divorce stories. I think. Yep, so I'd say we're in Need of some divorce stories. So if send us some if you got once everyone got one send it so your life for weddings at gmail.com. Hey ladies, remember the story of my number one weirdest date ever the other day and thought you might be able to make use of it for the Double D's no need to make me Anonymous if you do this was like 10 years ago. So I was probably about 20 at the time and I was using OkCupid to meet guys. I met this guy for coffee. At 45 minutes from home. The coffee date went really well. He was extremely cute charming and fun just a really Magnetic Personality who did things like strike up a conversation with the elderly couple at than table next to us and befriend a stranger with a cute dog. So we could go outside and play fetch. Needless to say. I was very intrigued since we were having so much fun together. We naturally wanted to keep the date going what was supposed to be a quick afternoon coffee turned into a stroll through a cemetery and then a jam session. I had brought my guitar natch. He told me I should quote bring my guitar and my pretty face to his party next week and I Delight to lie accepted. We still didn't want to end the date. So he invited me to his house to make homemade Falafel. We spent some time in his sauna wearing only towels some Like kissing occurred but he kept his hands to himself. What a gentleman. This is like accomplish incur a lot. Yeah for a first date. This is crazy. After that, his cousin came over and he asked me to stay and see a movie in town with them. Which I did. I'm thinking. Wow. What an amazing first date this really feels like the start of something special. I can't wait to hang out with him again after the movie. We were saying our good-byes and he hits me with this line. So today was amazing. I'm so excited to have met you I actually have an amazing girlfriend who I love but I think you're looking like the awesome female friend I've been looking for Oh curveball. Whoa. We said this is next level. He said this one. I'm sorry. They made out what the fuck they made out in a sauna. Oh my god. Wow. I got a lot of problems with this one Rebecca, but he said this would total enthusiasm as though it wasn't a completely insane thing to say to someone you've just had an eight-hour date with and kissed in your sauna. I was so caught off guard that I kind of went. Oh cool. Yeah totally and got in my car and go to my car and left. I still wish I'd had the presence of mind to tell him. How fucking weird. That was. I never Hit him again. So sadly. I never got to meet his quote amazing girlfriend. I hope he found the awesome female friend. He was looking for massive. I roll peace. Oh my god. Um, So much wrong. I feel like he was bullshitting freely. Yeah, so you think there was no girlfriend? No, you think it was just he's looking for a way out. Yeah, when he just ghost her at that point. I think he was not a way out. I think he was looking to keep her around without having to commit to her. Yeah, you don't mean yeah, I do like some but yeah. Yeah some selfish alternative. Yes, actually that only made sense to him in the moment, yes. Yeah exactly. Well good luck with all that you're better than that and I think you know that yes, thank you for oh my God. Thank you so much for sending your story. That was absolutely amazing amazing. Absolutely amazing. So I feel like before we go. I just want to check in with you super quick. I feel like so much has happened since we talked last on the podcast because like you went to Atlanta. And we had yeah, like do you understand? We haven't even talked on the podcast since you went to Atlanta. I know crazy and her see like that's already old news. I know it's just been one of those weeks guys where there's so much going on that. Me and Rebecca have been talking about 10 different things. Yeah, since then. Yeah. I have a hilarious story about something happened that happened to Justin. What's that at work? This is great you remembered because I forgot already is. I think I'm supposed to write I was supposed to write my initials or something on a Pinole. Let's do that on the patreon or something our old. Yeah, we'll do it next week. We'll do it next. Yeah. Okay. Apparently Rebecca's going to know a thing if I write like a certain way, so don't forget. Yeah, because I want to know what it means about me. So something hilarious happened to Justin. So he I'm always he's adorable. I think my husband's adorable. He's got dimples. He's blond. He's super cute. Okay, so I'm always like joking with Justin. Yeah. Oh who hit on you today? Come on, someone must have hit on, you know, and it's like nobody hits on me. You know, he's like the guy with the ring on his finger, right? But anyways, so yeah, he's at work. He's got gloves on or whatever he's talking about. Customer he gets he comes home the other day goes so what happened? So what happened because I got hit on today. Ha ha ha I said shut up. Nice come tell me about it. What happened? Like, I'm just so entirely amused right? Yeah, so he's because he's so insanely lovely and dedicated in our marriage that like, it's just the last thing I'm worrying about so I'm hilariously amused by the sun like okay top. Look what happened so he goes and he's just embarrassed. Say when it actually happens. He's he's the type. You'll say to him. I'll say to him. You're so cute and be like I'm go away we go. Yeah, he won't take a compliment, right? Yeah. These two women come up to him or they're nearby him or Darwin. He's working. Here's the one say to the other. I guess they're a little older. Okay, so we're like what mid-thirties I think they're in their late 30s early 40s or something want to go see other? Yeah, he is cute and then and then she she says something to him like love your dimples, you know, and apparently like she was like motioning to the dimples on his face enough that like his coworker was watching this in the The back room on the security camera with no sound and texted him immediately what they like the dimples, huh? That's so funny. It was that obvious. He's got adorable temples my mom. She knew him years ago. She used to call him dimples as a joke. Yeah, he's got these adorable dimples. Anyway, he's like, huh? Thanks. Okay, whatever like he doesn't he can't take a compliment the first place let alone come by at this awkward like, oh my God, these older women are hitting on me kind of thing. So then the one woman goes your perfect accepts you need a tan. And then she goes fuck. My name is Tanya. That's a whole level of cheese. I can't even unpack he goes. He doesn't get it and he goes. Oh, yeah. Okay. Bye. Oh my God. He's like that's the hold and then they walked out and he sees these people a lot. His job too. So like this is not a one-time like he will scroll Biblia. See these people again. That's funny all week. I have been saying to him like Hey, let me to tan. Yeah. Wow, I didn't even get it because he told his coworker who had been watching on the security camera. But yeah, you know and she goes funny. Oh my God, I can't believe she said that that's hilarious quite Funny so that's awesome. I can laugh at that because that often women pull out those cheesy Lines. No kidding right in a little bit. It's usually dudes at bars and I'm like, usually really really admiring of that. Like, I think I think those pickup lines are like hilarious. Yeah. They are the shit. That's funny. Yeah, and it also random Jill moment. I have nothing to tie this to but I think I'll make mention of it. Anyway, it's you know, how you have like a weird memory and you're just like I wanted to mention that on the show yet. Yeah. Jill the other day we were walking home and she goes I was so mad. I was angrier than a hippo that got punched and I was like what what child what so weird my God and super creepy things. She did. This is the thing my child. I love her but sometimes she'll say something to me and I'm like, I'm sorry. Where did you get that listen to this? So I know you don't watch horror movies, but you've seen it, right, you know, you've never original. Yes the original. Yeah, you understand the storyline about it. My daughter I'd like to clarify as five freaking years old. There's no way in hell she has heard about it. She understands. She's not been exposed to this movie. We don't watch this in our house. She has no way of knowing What this is. So the other night she wakes up and she's crying and Justin pokes me and wakes me up because I'm the worst like I'll sleep through her crying and yeah, because she's been calling for you I said, okay, so I got up and she goes. Oh, I had a bad dream so I get in bed with her and I gave her a cuddle. So the next day I pick her up from school because her dad takes her to school and I say hey like what's up? And you know I said so you had a bad dream last night. What was that about and we're walking away from the kindergarten pain and she goes yeah I said, so What was it about you remember and she goes? Yeah, I was I was in a house. I was in our house and I was alone and her brother Liam is a couple years older, right? So she's like I went outside to look for Liam because he went outside and he was calling me. And he was what did she say? He was in the vent outside? Oh my God, and she's like it was raining or something like that and she was keeps calling me and so I had to get in and go underneath and go to him and then there was a bad man in the vent. Oh my God, I went do you mean like a sewer? She goes? Yeah. He was calling me and I said she goes I'm mad at him now because it was just it was his fault that I went in and the dream and I went. Oh my god, did he look like Tim Curry because I am terrified right now and you just described it. Like how how did my child describe it? Yeah to me from a dream that freaking right out. I was like, no. Thanks. Yeah, no. No, we're just going to tap out right now. I not down with that. No, we're not. I know how much you love horror stuff. So no, I don't like cars. We got Halloween coming up. So, you know, I had to leave a little bit of spooky. But yeah, it happened and I was told Justin's like you know, what your daughter just did. This is kind of fucked up. You tell me if you have any insight he didn't so we have yeah, we have no idea like, you know normally with kids as you know, as a mom you could be Oh, they watch that movie. Or that TV show or yeah that cartoon there was nothing. Hmm. So that was a weird one. Yeah. Yeah, that's weird crazy. So good night everybody. Ha ha ha but ya know Atlanta was good like you went to like an Alice in Wonderland kind of thing. Oh, yeah. I did we didn't talk about this. Can you give me just a quick Lowdown you show you? Here are some photos on your Instagram stories or something, but I saw a couple. Yeah, so I flew in I dropped my bag at the hotel and I went to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens because they had Alice in Wonderland themed exhibit. So it was everything like Alice in Wonderland all plants, right? So it was really cool very quick to see Edward. Scissorhands had been let loose in that motherfucker. Yeah is really impressive. Yeah. It was really cool. I highly recommend going to see that even if it's a different exhibit because it just is all done or is it no it's done the end of October. So I think the 27th. So if you're in a lana go check it out. It's pretty cool. And then I went to the Coca-Cola museum right after I literally had four hours to myself and I just fucking ran with it. Like I tried to fit the stuff in there for you, and then I had to work but I'll be in bed having a App. Yeah, then I went to the Coca-Cola museum, which is really cool too. And yeah, then I'm going to the hotel and I was there the rest of the time yeah, you were super busy as she she podcasts and met some. Yes amazing women. I did met some great people and yeah, I went really well. Well, that's great. I'm glad you're home safe. I'm glad ya you flew and nothing went wrong because you know, I know you don't love flying Xanadu took my seat, which wasn't happy about because you know, I booked a window seat and And he's sitting here he was sitting there and I'm like kind of like that's my see. Why don't you take them out? I don't know. I'm too nice. Oh, honey, you know what he fucking knows me too because there was a kid behind me again and kid kicked my seat the whole flight and I've now decided that there should be adult only flights. I'm sorry. Yes kids. I have three kids though. So I don't have to and I am on board for this so there is no excuses like for real because I was losing my fucking mind. I was oh my god seriously around and talk to the parents like that is who I am. I also would have kicked that guy out of my motherfucking see because that is my seat. I know this is why there is a problem with me. Do you understand? I know but I'm all night. I was like he knows that's not his seat. Like my it says right on my ticket that I have a window seat. So whatever see if he was like the seat right next to you. Could kick him out and then give him Shifty side eyes the whole rest of the flight really judgy. Yeah, you know when they come around and offer you pretzels you could be like, oh, what do you want those too? Here you want to take mine too? Okay, always your passive-aggressive. Yeah. There you go. It'd be really good. Yeah. Well, thank you for hanging out with us this week on the wedding's podcast guys. It's been amazing and Rebecca anything can happen at weddings and we will be here to tell you all about it. Well, that's it for us this week on The Secret Life of weddings podcast. If you need more drama in your life go over to patreon.com slash Secret Life. Of weddings to sign up for additional weekly episodes. The first few episodes are free. So go check it out patreon.com slash secret life of weddings, and we will see you here next week.
In the F**k It Bucket this week - inviting people to your wedding who you don’t WANT there, out of obligation! A listener writes in about a completely weird venue owner who loved horses … wayyyyyy too much! Part one of the Canadian Wedding Saga, where a listener details her ill-fated wedding-related trips to Canada, including a trip that included the revelation once she landed that she no longer liked her boyfriend. Awkward. And a listener tells us about a friend she helped with her wedding planning … but things take a massive twist and the bad guy is NOT who you think it’s going to be! Want more Secret Life of Weddings? Get some extra juicy stories exclusively available monthly on Patreon (the first 10 bonus episodes are FREE) plus early release ad-free main episodes every Monday over on Patreon! Become a Patron for as low as $3 a month & support the show at http://www.patreon.com/secretlifeofweddings To share your story, please email secretlifeofweddings@gmail.com or visit http://secretlifeofweddings.com *Join our private Facebook listener group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/1294161840712617/ Chat with us on FlickChat: https://flick.group/secretlifeofweddings SPONSOR: Charles & Colvard - Learn more and get 20% off with our special listener offer at http://CharlesAndColvard.com/SECRETLIFE 