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We want to give a shout out to our loyal listeners and our patreon patrons patrons like our first our new one Chris Coleman Chris the dad bod tear along with Dave at autofill Mansfield Eva fell extra juice for Barbara Geiger and Joseph to ayodhya chasen. I hope I got that right. Yes. This is Sergeant the absolutely just start calling him Sarge Sergeant Joe died because of Sergeant. Okay, and they are hugest Patron Cole. What a Meyer Meyer. Yes. And on that one my new Dad. Yeah burn your dad. Wow, you guys have worked it out. So as always you can you can subscribe to us and on patreon patreon and anchor. Yep. Hopefully we can knock out get rid of some of these ads that maybe we're getting an extra ad this week from our anchor because we love them so much. Ideally, they love us. Ideally what we'd like to do is be able to To do this not full-time full-time, but also not dependent on ads. This is literally my only source of income right now. 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You ever heard of The Who? Another one. Anyway, watch us. Listen to us do it all pay us. Oh, we're dead by the way not well also we want the conversation. We're trying to get another figure out of drives drives this show. We got a lot of great comments. Yeah everybody we're trying to get we're trying to figure out the Cadence YouTube. We think at least our thought is that if we post the episode they're not only can you watch it but you or listen to it like check out my wardrobe. You can check out the Wardrobe, but you can also comment like last week's episode. Oh no. That last our last step of last week's episode was with stay at home versus working parents. Yeah, who has it easier? You framed it which in reality? It should be who has it worse or who has it harder? Yeah. Well that's part of the that's part of the job. That will be a separate episode where we discuss the plan Pete's titling and give you break know I but I wanted I want to call out MSB by one who yeah, but by an yeah, but by she commented on that and said that my comment on how work is psychological warfare is spot-on. So she must work and a toxic work environment as well. You know what maybe she works for you? Maybe you slipped her, you know a sawbuck. I actually don't even know what expression it gets ten bucks. It's an ancient way of talking about a $10 bill and that agent but cool cool cool. Cool hard-boiled next good reference here real gold brick. Okay. Anyway, I now know Ms. Byun is a loyal listener and commenter on my Instagram. And now I know that she's actually on. Pete yes and frankly, I'm heartbroken. Keep it up. Uum Ems lunch gonna I'm just gonna work. Well, we'll get back in the end of this rivalry that we've got developing just based on we even travel differently as we're going to talk about a few minutes when we get back. I'm not traveling with kids. Hmm right after this Hey, Mike, have you heard of Spotify before? I have heard of Spotify? Really? Yeah, because on Spotify you can listen to all of your favorite artists and podcast in one place for free. You don't even need a premium account Spotify is a huge catalogue of podcast on every topic including the one you're listening to right now here. We were having a normal conversation and I thought I knew more about Spotify. We're on Spotify. You can follow your favorite podcast. So you never miss an episode premium users can download episodes and listen offline. Ever you are and easily share what you're listening to with your friends on Instagram. I'm on Instagram. Are you on Instagram? Get out of here? If you haven't done so already be sure to download the Spotify app search for dead and buried on Spotify or browse podcast in the your library tab. Also, make sure to follow me and Pete so you never miss an episode of the dead and buried show. Okay. Thanks for joining us. This is joining us this week. We actually haven't seen each other in a little while because it was here in New York. It was spring break for our kids no school and we both went our separate ways as we prefer to do and we do literally every day, right? Let's see each other as little as possible. Yeah. I mean, I'm outside your apartment a lot, but you don't think that's true. I don't I don't so this week. We I drove down to South Carolina to visit family when I arrived today Nate said Your vacation and I said what vacation was not a vacation as my view as my listeners my listeners as my friends. I'm going to call him on Instagram. You can still see say every single time. I post something about a meme or a blog post about traveling with kids or taking a vacation with kids. At least three people in the comments. Say when you go with kids is not vacation. It's a trip which is true, but you can stop you can stop saying it guys. Okay, we know we get it but it is one element drawn the Shit together. You're just dealing with your kids bullshit in a different place. It doesn't matter if it's a beach resort Disney World instead of doing it in your living room. You're doing it in a beach if you have the right people or at a hotel room. You're not relaxing although Mama buried and I got a little while we'll get another let it go into that a little later. Okay. Good. You guys look cited the burnt toast again. We slept in separate beds. It was fucking amazing chefs kiss amazing you love what I do the chef's kiss. Did Mark now it's the worst trademark. I agree actually hate it and I hate that I just did it. Well you and I have an agreement finally. So you flew. Yeah, I flew right? So we're going to get into we're going to get into flying first, which really and I don't want to step on whatever ridiculous hyperbole. Pete is about to use calling flying with kids the final frontier or the ultimate battle test or whatever and writing all of these things flying with kids sucks the Patient of flying is often worse than actually flying. Although we're going to find out for Pete took three kids. Yeah down to Florida. Yep, not a long look three-hour flight. Well, let's back up. Okay. Jeez. Here we go guys. First of all, let's go to Florida, right? Okay good. We live in New York. That's right. Now know that sounds like I'm just saying like that's the idea that comes into your head when you're thinking about spring break you like. Let's go somewhere warm. Yes, Florida. The next thing you think about is well, I hate having money as you know, yes. And the one thing I love to do is to give all my money to the airline. Yes. Well, we don't we all that's my favorite thing to do they do so much for us. And honestly, I I check all my bags because I need to make sure that I'm at maximum expenditure right you so you're saying you pay to check each eye. In fact in my I choose my Airline. I'm like 40 bucks to Le. Yep. I need my FIT first bag to be at least 50. That's what second Good Will Hunting when his dad lays out a belt or rent and says choose. Choose and yeah Ranch why because I can't yeah exactly. So yeah. So yeah, so that's the first wonderful wonderful part about traveling so you haven't even it's months in advance. Yeah and already you're stressed and angry been kicked in the nuts financially by this. It's true wonderful burden that you've had to now figure out financially for the rest of the Your had a payback. Yeah, how you balance that out? Yeah. So there's that then you have to get to the airport 6 or 7 hours early at least, you know, you're pretty you're pretty much there two days in advance a waiting waiting the five or six delays. Yeah, you know, it's so funny. I'll take my friend who travels a lot was saying we'll just show up like 45-minute. I mean, you know, he's like, yeah travels all the time. I don't think I have five of us. Yeah, we barely skate by by the skin of our teeth that two hours ahead of time. Yeah at an airplane and I can't get anywhere. No, I mean it's getting out of the house just to go to the neighbors. Yes in ordeal. So anyway, so you spent all of this cash. Well, let's and then of course you there's that wonderful pivot point at which you have a baby and you're like, well, my baby could probably fit on my lap. Yeah. So there's that wonderful hazy period I really like a period where you're like, you know what it hasn't changed some money. It's not too bad. The little ones there's until they're too oh and tell her to And then you're like you listen now, you cost an extra 500. There's not even like child priced seats. It's just full on full price. Yes. In fact, they probably should charged double for child because you know people there are some people that I think something came out of here years ago where they wanted to charge more for kids or something and all the child free people as they call themselves rejoiced because there's nothing there's nothing somebody who doesn't have a kid with them. Not even somebody who doesn't have kids because I have kids like but even I hate it, When I see a family get on that plane. Yeah, but as we're going to get into it is always worse for that family starting with the packing and the getting the airport and going through security with all that around go not we're not quite there yet. So where we are is we are at the pre were about to go to the airport. No, so we're happy that you're part when the packing phase now what's happening in the packing phase? Well, there's a wonderful Dynamic that's happening in the home some so this whole thing of us for road trips as well the packet Porsche, right, which is This unbelievably high elevation. So things might be tense, but when you go back, but go to pack your at sort of Def con. I can remember with five or one ever met whatever one is worse, but he left here Defcon 1 and you are at the highest Terror alert. Yeah, you're at yeah orange and I think it's red. I think we're always on orange base. Yeah, we are but wmm but basically, you know, the there's why don't you help me pack? Oh, let me put this shirt up. Why are you Packing that shirt. So are you don't want to see this interaction between you and your kids my wife? Okay, so I have a question about the pack. I guess your wife is orchestrating all the pack right my wife packing everything and then she tells me to pack and I say takes me five minutes to pack. I throw my shit at the end and I get there and we get there and she has a pack my goddamn toothbrush. There's nothing better than getting mad at your wife for not packing your shit when she was begging you to pack the whole week and I gotta take me two seconds. I had never really forget like five things and then we have an argument about why you're the Packer. Oh, Us to pack all that the time bomb argue. Oh, yeah. Well that kind of that lovely our explodes post. The thing is it happened like that incident not even the arguing that incident happened so much that I can bring it as a joke and it doesn't matter like to her. It's still it is deadly serious. Yeah, I'll make it a joke and I won't even care and I'll be talking about the fact I know it was my fault that impact my fucking t-shirt that I wanted to bring or whatever or my glasses. I'm sorry making a joke about how I'm an idiot, but now all she hears is I fight $5.00. Why did you do? Exactly? It's fun. It's fun. I get held in this in this sort of zone of you're not helping enough and the second I touch something you're doing it wrong. Don't touch that you're going to mess it up. That's called marriage. Yeah, so that's it. So there's that wonderful zone, of course. So that lasts what let's say, let's call it days 48 Hours. Yeah of this wonderful sort of angst-ridden the pre-travel pre-travel cuz exactly pre-travel Aang stress stress and it could be it could be And it often is like going somewhere amazing. Like we went on a cruise or went to Europe in like my wife's favorite thing in the world to do is travel or same as when she's like organizing anything like a party. She's having she can't wait for it. But the stress level of the prep for her is like The Guns of the Navarone and everybody needs to know it. Everything was to be the husband certainly needs to know you felt by everybody. So then so there's that. Okay. So now mantini 80 says that they're just the amount you have to pack. Oh my God this The amount that we packed for Florida for 10 days is basically the same amount that we pack for a weekend. Yeah, it's going to say yeah, it was like, okay, did you start to recycle? But yeah, just the bare minimum you have to bring for it for even a two to three day trip is so much stuff, especially if you have a toddler or a baby. Yes, then you're talking diapers and this and the bottom talking a stroller at a certain level. You're talking a stroller and a car seat and you're bringing those on a plane. You are a small like Mobile infantry unit. Yeah, I'll seriously year and stuff. So liquids getting to the airport and having security and is already being nervous about like missing the flight, right and then you're going through and you have kids shiny have so much that they're bringing out a fold up the stroller you have to check stuff. So somebody here said somebody here said that they they made the mistake when they're going to Disney World with their kids where they check they accidentally checked everything in Including their sons blank J Van Dien RN I may be registered nurse checked our sons blanket instead of carrying it on and he just cried the entire flight. Yep. There's nothing there's no coming back. There's no coming back from Once, you know, you have to check something in like you said you just start to throw everything out and you bring the bare minimum and then something goes wrong with your kid throws up on you. I had a bunch of people talk about how their kid threw up and you bring a change of clothes for the kid out of the kid pukes on your pants. Yeah, so somebody said here that the kid peed in their pants. They didn't have a change. Just smelled like rotten milk. Yeah, like the entire flight. What can you do because you can't just bring it changes of clothes and every bag you have. Yeah what they do sell you you put your feelings in a little box and then you go inside that black box and it was Shader land whose kid threw up on her and said, she's get constantly compete were constantly complaining about the smell. Yeah. I bet they were so now you're at the airport. You're past The Angst age you're there now it's game time. So you've got the bags now you obviously have talked about how many bags Eggs, you've definitely got into an argument about how many don't like to bring definitely how many shoes she bring? Yeah, how about that and of course but she has a right to feel like she could bring as many shoes and she wants or is her choice. Of course. It doesn't matter that the bag is going to be over the limit. It doesn't mind or that we should bring another bag because it just we should bring it. Okay, and so your T-shirt weighs a lot too. So well, that's true. Yeah. It's at least three pairs of shoes. So your then you're then the best is this is the load Is the load out to either the like from the the taxicab to check out place all of us you me. These are your like the dad strapped down to the hilt the kids. Let's say your kids are like 11. Hey, can you grab that bag now not in my son can't grab anything just to walk from the car to our front door and the problem that I'm campaigning against it's illegal to murder your kids in the air. Are you sure I've only in the airport or like outside and II? I've been advocating for full murder. Yeah happen anywhere in the airport at all. Tiny parents should have the right to murder their child if they give attitude while the dad is heavily Laden with bags and they're not guarantee. They're not carrying anything. I'm not going to carry that hat. Oh my God now they can't keep their hands their hands hurt. So your water will carry their fucking tablets things are cutting into your hands. You're waddling up to the check-in place your you check in. Okay now goes Did we forget the tickets or do you have all the tickets? What about that ticket? I don't know about that. Yeah Panic you're just a lot of different moments of panic panic checking your bags security line. Hmm the worst neck. So so people don't like the idea of putting leashes on children. And neither. Do I there's a Simpsons episode where the guy Danny DeVito homers half-brother makes a baby translator machine and one point they're like in an airport or something and you see a little kid and his parents have a leash on him and the kid cries. And then the translator says this leash is demeaning to us both. I've always loved that after being at the airport in the security line with you. My toddler I wanted several leashes. It's a hold that kid. He's ducking under rope running through. It doesn't matter. How about plank like taking all my God will harvest and have you seen the film Love Actually. I know Nate has it's one of Nate's favorite. Okay talks about it all the time at the end. The little kid runs through this is post 9/11. He's running through the airport and say the funny. Of a toddler that dude would be gunned down right the minute. He breached security by his death. Yeah. It was Liam Neeson in the film if the legislation that I'm trying to figure he's half. Well within his rights and there he goes. Well that's passenger. Give me my refund Florida. They probably do have that Florida man, right? Exactly. So I'm just saying I'm all for leashes to keep like a hyper antic out-of-control toddler or five year old from right starting an international incident. So now you have so you're about out to go through check in. All right be the excuse me that chicken, but the security you have with you an Untold number of just bags. Yes. So, of course you on that you've brought back there about kids draw level as many kids as you have you've basically all get carry on carry on bag which the dad and the mom will carry the baby or whatever or either vice versa which ever is least annoying to the mom the dad obviously you need Keep them on play. Yeah, of course. She's done a lot get us to this point. She's packed and very organized. Yes, and also at the same time very very disappointed in me. And I mean that's always for me. I'm a disappointment. There's no one who can be more disappointing to anybody in my family. It was obviously. Yeah. So anyway, so we're there now you have to go through shoes off like bags not everywhere nowadays some days. We don't have to take issue. Their shoes on as my eight-year-old was doing just kind of exploring just right right at the right attorney Gates cute a big deal again, which point I go back to my earlier statement of this legislation just like I just need some I need a way to be able to reach out and just shoot and her be able to grab her and you know, even though you've said hey, can you please wait here? It'll be five seconds like this. Don't just where we should do that and then no and then securities. Miss you can't go there and then you know is that really happened where security is had to park at your children? Yeah, the TSA sure they're like no. No, no, don't let her do that. Don't let her do that. Don't let it is even worse. I'm not giving you a disappointment to him. Can you gun this guys fucking parrot thing? I know don't let her do that Einstein. How about this? So then we're at the airport, and I swear. I don't feel their Waters, but they need water. Please please please don't fill the water. They can have water. They don't need water all the time. They can be thirsty if they're thirsty for an hour good that maybe maybe they'll appreciate water more now that so then it's when you get to like three days that lack of water becomes promise to the airport, right then all of their water bottles were full and it was for some reason they didn't have without Mia you know it to do throw them all out. Guess who had to drink all your water. That is weird. I'm telling you they're like, they're like there was a It wasn't at the New York. I can see just chugged there. Everyone's chugging water. There's five people in the airport chugging water like just holding up the TSA already know the answer to this question. But are you a fan of water you big water Drinker? I don't mind. I like Seltzer. I can't stand. Oh my God. I was even worse than another answer. I was in high speed water is the worst Seltzer gives it a little bit. I figure you water is the worst every once in a while water is fucking better than anything else is very rarely. But it's what's funny about what you're talking about right now is almost everything. You've said just like those people that say it's not a vacation as a trip or just your being your kids being pains in the asses in different scenery. All of this shit is just the way kids are at all times no matter where you are, but an air and an airport it is so heightened because you're you are tense. There's so much to keep track of there's security guards around you're trying not to be late for a really expensive thing that you paid for you. You have obviously lost the tickets 8 time before you've even be a security or thought you and yeah, very coarse and then and then your song as you have all three kids though. Although maybe losing one make me and of course, you know, the different the different age is really plays a big factor. So going traveling with eleven year old is actually pretty straightforward compared to traveling with like a three and under oh, yeah, and that three and under kind of I mean it if you have like a six month old. That's probably pretty straightforward. It's pretty easy. But once they start but here's the flip side to that. Right? So look you have a six month old and you baby is a baby baby's gonna baby write it if the kids sleep, you lucky if the kid cries that's like your catchphrase babies babies gonna babysit. Yeah. So the problem is that you would hope that people would understand that you're on a plane guess what parents get the fucking travel with their children, but children can travel places whether to see Grandma or Disney World it just go with their parents somewhere, you know, One gets so mad when the kid comes on, obviously, there's inconveniences to it. But you gotta if it's a baby you can't be too mad at a baby for crying right? I can toddler you can start getting mad like a five-year-old then you're like, what are these parents doing an eleven-year-old? You yourself are going to be so angry at your 11 year old if they can't behave but we're the standards change. Yeah, but the 11-year old is fine is fine. Yes is we're past that point. I'm just saying the more agency the kid has the more responsibility of a and you have Where are other parents other passengers are going to be judging you in angry at you the whole time anyway, but sometimes that's that's understandable. But really the real sweet spot for that danger zone that horrible. Horrible nightmares own is 20 to 18 to 24 months or you've sorry even 36 36 months. Just that's where you're in trouble son. We get toddler Antics and Tantrums and can't speak also baby crying. And the same time yeah, just making sounds they don't know what's happening. If they're when they're little nurse pop. They don't know you got to give him a bottle that gotta give him a bottle to suck on. Yeah, or you explain to the event that you're really clearly what's going to happen to change in air pressure. By the way. What I found is if you mansplain it to the babies, well, I can't help but Base by in that's all I did what I'm good at it love it. Yeah, so like, okay, so I got a couple user commented we talked about getting through security we talked about the lap seat, right? So Robotic motion was on a flight. Apparently where the baby or the kid was young enough to sit on his lap the entire time where the plus there is you didn't have to pay for the tickets. The negative is your thighs are going numb tongue groaning. Yeah, and while the child nap the whole time she then peed through her diaper all over parabolic motion and at the end he just said still good but she nap the whole time like exalt the only discomfort that was caused was his discomforts and just which is best case scenario. And again this goes back. Back to anyone and this is really key the parents bringing that kid on feel so much worse than any parent. So there's a story a friend of mine was we were on a group text and this guy is a who was not married and didn't have a kid at the time text a bunch of us who did and said, oh great just got on my flight to floor. It was like three hours like some lame amount of easy flight and there's a kid three rows away. Great. Great. Yes, look at me. I saw I wrote back I go. Here's what you do put your headphones on close your eyes turn up the volume and don't sit back at any class and just be so happy that that kids not yours next to you that guy got absolutely destroyed. He's still in intensive. Is he from that from that particular next to the kids that you're allowed to shoot in airports? Yeah. So yeah, it's funny. So a bunch of people said the same thing with Katie fairy 1279 said that she was flying from Madrid to jail. FK her toddler cried the whole flight and and the just the stress of knowing that you that everyone hates you and the dirty looks you're getting she said it made her cry made the woman the mom herself cried Heather Rush known as Rush Heather. Apparently, this is the other passengers are have been so rude just because she's with kids which again you walk in you get the dirty looks I was on a flight from from Spain to New York and I knew like I have my toddler with me and I'm like Ever has the three row seat, right? This guy comes down. I'm like, I'm already prepared. I'm like, look, I'm like what seat do you want? I'm like do you want to be on the end that and that way like you're in the aisle, but we'll have to go by you to like do shit, or do you want to be on the inside? So you have a little bit I can sit in the middle and I've distance I'm doing all this stuff guy barely speaks. It's giving me and my kid dirty looks the entire time. Like I'm trying to accommodate him, even though we pay the same amount for our tickets broheim. Yeah, you know going to be a jerk about it exactly Brian Gill 21 flew to LA with a two-and-a-half-year-old. Old and some a-hole yelled at him yelled at them because the baby cried a few times at the top of the crowd a few times. This is what I like. I'm you're always so nervous that your kid is going to ruin the flight for somebody else and that you're going to get judge for exact so stress and the problem is is that you don't know what's going on one. Apparently when I was a baby when I my parents were fluid you remember? Yeah. Yeah, they're coming straight at my ear my ear drum burst, huh? So, you know, you have a kid that whose ear drum burst on the airplane. That's right sit there and take it like a man. And well, it's I did like it what I do now, which is I cry. Yeah, I didn't cry just uncontrollably and everyone hated you and everyone. Yes continue to hate me, but I think that's really the issue is that you know, these people are feeling so stressed out about but on both sides so that these the people who and this is really you can tell the people that have had kids or have gone through and have since there's there are some empathetic people out there who like, oh, it's okay or they'll play with the kid or whatever. Yeah, you need some so lucky if some of you have like a cute little like seen on the plane where the kids yeah and of making eyes with all the other passengers and or sometimes you get lucky they'll be like a 10 year old girl who wants to like or like a 13 year old girl who wants to like borderline babysit your two-year-old or whatever that kind of stuff. Yeah, it's great. That's nice. But like your kids can even like internalized your stress and they know when you're stressed and they reflect that sometimes so there was a trend going around a few years ago where a couple of parents were going onto planes before hand and putting little goodie. Everybody seats basically saying like, oh, it's my three-year-old twins first time flying, you know cut us some slack. Here's some candy and like a drink ticket and you know what very nice people great. Fuck that noise. We are allowed to fly. I don't gotta apologize in advance in case my kid acts like a kid right? Just don't just be a human being I told you I made a fake goody bag did a blog post where I create a fake goody bag and you know, I just put like fake drink tickets or some ecstasy parking ticket. I put a note that you can meet me at Hudson News after the flight if you want to if you really want to talk this out just like I don't understand that impulse to be like, you know, everyone's gonna hate you you paid full price for the ticket, right? It sucks. Nobody likes it. Nobody likes flying in general but State I've but your errands have it the worst of all parents have it the worst of all and and being a dick about it for all those particular. There's any non parents being a dick Out people who have kids on a flight. Yes is dickish the worst you're the worst. You are the worst and it just makes everything bad for everybody. Yeah, so like a lot of people wrote in about getting dirty looks and and just the judgment and then other people talk about the I like I'm imagining you didn't have when you're on the plane. You don't have any none of your kids are in diapers anymore. No, so you didn't have any diaper blow outside to change a diaper blowout like in one of those crappy cramped bathrooms really hard s Crown have the same thing. Blow Civ baby poop during takeoff epic meltdown on the shitty plane toilet changing table. Oh, well, I have I have one that was slightly new to me, which was my for I had to take my four year old who had to go had to go number two to poop and on the plane on the plane. And yeah, it was like horrifying ya think Trainspotting bathroom. And then just telling your son. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Everything is fine. Good. You think that what you keep saying that everything's fine your Meanwhile your to me closer. Got stuff all over your clothes, but you don't have a lot of changes. No. No, I'm going like Trainspotting. You just diving it. Yeah. Yes Emily, but the key thing that we're missing which is a positive here, which you have all my God, I positive we don't really get into positives on this podcast. I don't know if you got thank God for screens. Oh my God. Oh my God hours. You want to watch whatever whatever you want to watch. You want to watch some stuff. I've you want to watch a Basic Instinct. Here you go problem here. I'll fast forward to the good part. I always use Basic Instinct. That's my example even though that movies like 30 years old. Yeah, I don't have a racy modern-day equivalent. I know because the Antichrist by Lars von Trier that's disturbing right you can watch that. I don't care guess what your five if you keep your mouth shut you can watch whatever you want. You want more. Can you want anything anything you want cookies have it all all of it. So I read a list once like tips. You can do with your kids on playing like bring a somebody even said here and I'm not going to I'm not going to bash her although obviously, I'm gonna bash a little bit. She said she brings a can't find. She brings a bag of like toys and coloring books and snacks. I'm like, yeah, sure snacks and books beauty balm. But if you don't bring tablets, yeah, no. No, you're a bad passenger. Right? You're like it is not the time the airplane you're an attending in close tin can with a bunch of people that hate you already is not the time to experiment with discipline and teaching your kids how to not have screen time. Yeah. Now they sacrifice those three to five hours. Yes, give it up and make make your life easier make them happy or make everybody has ugly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah and that goes for road trips to but now again and just there is that sweet. This is why the this is why that 18 to 32 months old. I mean 36 months old. There is a period of time where you're flying with Abby ass baby who doesn't know about screen has no attention span. Yeah. It's not interested in watching like cars and all they want to do is take their sharp fingernails and like put them all or even worse. The seat in front of you. Yeah, that's a nightmare and that ladies and gentlemen is flying with but nothing but nothing like that. Your kids are a little bit older you didn't have any incidents on your know. So it's for me it's getting better. So I have a eleven eight and four and a half year old and to be honest with you outside a little kicking on kicking of the seat right for you just and just a general expensive having three. Yeah children to buy expensive goods for which is outrageous total of five people. Yeah. So that is my man is why we often Drive, even though we had with no traffic. I think it was 11 hours on the way down. We had a lot of traffic with you always so we drove to South Carolina. You always hit traffic like the Washington D.C. Baltimore Corridor. There's almost no avoiding it but we hit it all over the place. So it end up taking 14 hours a lot of screen time for the kiddos to the point where they're like, we do something else, you know, like they get too much of it you try to Stop, maybe you stop it like a play place. Like if there's like a McDonald's. Yeah, they just get their jollies out for like 10 minutes while you like eat some junk food. Although as we discussed once before you don't you don't need snacks when you go on road. I don't eat snacks, but I'll stop and eat food. Well, what kind of food fillet a fish? Oh, what's your what's your go-to it McConnell think back man. Look at that. Yeah boy asked with the fries in the middle. That's what that's what it's all about. So we did that twice. Obviously we had to drag me down. And we had drive back you what time did you leave? So the we left at about 6 a.m. Or 6:30 on the way back in 7 a.m. On the way there which on the way back was on Saturday. So like we had never really done that before it turned out the traffic was pretty great. It was a Easter weekend so or the week after and I don't think a lot of people were traveling on that Saturday that week before they probably got their travel out the way down. Like I said in the end the past we've tried to do like leave it three just Head of the New York rush hour and then miss some stuff and hope the kid falls asleep at like seven or eight like they normally would guess what? No not falling asleep then go to bed at like 11 or 12 course and then the worst thing that happens every parent knows the kid falls asleep five minutes before you reach your destination gets three minutes of sleep and then is wired in a wake and then I want to go to prison to like a sobbing mess or oh my God are just dead uncontrollable Tasmanian Devil Type. So my philosophy on road trips is is screens all the time snacks all the time anything you want just to keep your mouth shut this frustrates. It doesn't the philosophy behind it. Mom and buried is good with the fact that as I do all the driving and she has to be the concierge essentially. He's not so good with so like I'll be driving in the toddler will want something extra eat that he can't get her. He wants something else and she who is trying to nap because make no mistake about it. She's not a good Navigator. She's not good shotgun. She sleeps 70% of the trip. And then the kids waking her up because he's behind me and I'm like, what am I supposed to do? Like, I'm not pulling over guess what dad's don't pull over? Yeah Dad's go from A to B as quickly as possible you stop for gas and to go to the bathroom. Don't forget cursing at every possible up every possible opportunity today. This guy just today not even on a road trip. I was trying to make a turn and somebody didn't let me go and I was like come on you walking out of me gonna yelled at my son was like like, oh he don't do that and I'm like people just aren't courteous and he's like, yeah. Well you weren't being courteous. Yes, so they made you not be created. You turned yourself. I said it's a vicious cycle. They're not nice to me. I'm nice to them two wrongs. Don't make a right hold more to go. So that's so funny. I the the designated my wife does not nap, but the good news is is that she's awake enough to let me know how annoying it is that she has to be the person to hand out. Ya know. My wife does that'll close. All of the turning around is really tough back and Just constantly having to just manage them when she's really busy being on her phone and not let's just put say navigating or helping. Hey, could you tell me if how long this traffic exist? Oh, no, so you don't have your own phone mounted like have my phone but I yeah, I got I don't I don't like to we're being recorded. You don't want to admit that. Yeah, that's true. I listen to music and podcasts but I make sure the volume is not on in the back seat because I listened to some risk a stuff. Yeah. It was some blue some blue material. Let the dead bury the dead and bury podcast that just I did do some nice again, I'm trying to figure out where the flaws are the right right across from me. Okay. Well, so do your so you don't do the road trip thing ever? It's always my definitely so we we go to Maine and we'll drive to me because flying is Nightmare you kids get carsick. Thankfully they do not and that is actually a big one that I have to be thankful for because I do know that kids gets cut my eight year olds won't and it's stability to his credit. My eight-year-old won't eat in the car anymore because he gets sick sometimes and one time we were on like we weren't even gone no more talking you were going on a road trip. We were on like the FDR like we weren't even out of the city and he starts puking and the thing with him is he is like a tree nut allergy. So your first thought is oh my God, is this a result of some kind of life-threatening thing because I can't get off the road. I'm stuck in traffic and somebody else mentioned that were like, sometimes you get stuck in this traffic and there's nothing you can do right you can't pull over. And the same thing goes for if this is the double edged sword of potty training kids in diapers are easier on road trips because then you only have to worry about when you have to go to the bathroom. I have been stuck in the car so many times where my son will have will have just gone to a rest stop and we've made everyone go to the bathroom, or maybe I don't think I'll ever let him get away with saying I don't have to go the bathroom with a rest stop, but we'll be back in the car 20 minutes. I don't be like I have to go the bathroom you like. There's nothing I can do for you man. Like you need to hold this and kids aren't as good at knowing how to do that. I'm not going to give me a gatorade bottle. Although somebody here said pack a thunder jug. I don't know. I don't know what that is. I can guess that it's somewhere for kids to be prepared with a thunder jug to avoid stops. Jenny Das said, I don't know what it is. Both on the side. Maybe that's why maybe that's why maybe it's something like a vomit vomit a bowl you like you have a thunder jug know your car at it but there are like portable potty seats that you can bring if you do pull over on the side of the road or something like that, but this is why I was pulling over the road. I mean, I guess if you I would prefer to wear a diaper when I drive just so I could just power through you got to stop but having to like change a diaper on the side of the road or there was a the panic when your kid has to go and your kid is panicking and it's making you panic and you like I don't know. There's no exit. What do I do? Like I hate that that happens every once in a while. It didn't happen this time. Thankfully we manage that correctly, but that is really nerve-wracking. Yeah, I don't like that. No we do. So. Yeah, we've driven the 11 hours that it takes to go to northern Maine and that's the only way to go because it's like you go up and you just kind of with the trick is that we found and we've only got a couple times but the trick is if we leave really early in the morning. Yeah. We leave for so the kids again didn't quite work out but kind of work down. They were not asleep. Right but they were so tired. So they're just sitting there and they were kind of just days for at least like an hour and a half of the trip. Are they all three lined up all next to each other because someone here said Ali Bill check said he got a car with a third row, or she I think it was a he since Bill and that was a game changer. Cause the kids have their own Zone. Yeah, there's a buffer but then how are you getting them food and snack just that pass it back. Just like Chain Gang toss it back now Chang it. Hey, you pass it to that person, but there's but if they're in the third row, there's nobody in the middle row, I think is a suggestion there. No. No there is there's so that you don't have to have people exactly how many kids you have. I guess. Well, sometimes they like you visit actually you can play war with card you ever play war with cards. Yeah back in 1822. Okay, buddy. You know what? It's hurtful. I'm sorry back in the 80s. We had some low-tech. Yeah solutions to boredom on the road. I was watching look at the End of Watch. I was I was counting are trying to find all 50 states on the license plates. Yeah. You should do that by try to do it on my kid right now. That's the downside to the screen. Maybe like what the f oh man. We played spots a serial killer and it is pointed up at you. Every time I won every time point in my dad, you just seem a little bit like a serial killer type of your like deceptively mild-mannered deceptive. Well groomed your neighbors would be like I never suspected a thing. He was so well, that's guess who did suspect folks this guy right here. Yeah, Mike you're talking to yourself. We're done. We're talking about road trips. So again pee breaks what else we got here. We got car sickness, which is happened a couple of times my son. Oh God the car sickness if that's the worst and the good. I mean, it smells the smell got to get it out of there. You got to get everything that he was wearing and then he got covered on out of there. So listen to this story. Our Wilkinson says to me he will never forget the time. He pulled into a rest stop and saw a car covered in vomit just everything covered in vomit and they see the mom crying in the backseat. She's also covered in vomit the kid was feeling nauseous. So they moved him to the front seat so he could throw up out the window which he did but the back seat window was open and it looped in on the mom. And CR Bullard said Sarah Wilkinson. Sorry. Well I said that was the last time they were ever allowed to sit in the front seat or that was the perfect reason for them to never be allowed to sightsee nowadays that would never happen because they're like laws and regulations unless you're in an airport where you can legally murder your kid at least Florida. We're almost there. There's the dream that's the dream and Kristin Hallett said here that no vomiting is a win the key is low expectations, right? So no vomiting just like the dude in the other one one flying where the the parabolic motion where the kid Pete through the diaper. Yeah. On his legs that sucks. But the kidnap the whole time right which is your expectation says that's a win. Yeah. I mean there's also different like if the baby spit up so if you have an infant and you're traveling with an infant, they spit up and you're like did we change them or rather good? Yeah, right exactly until it starts to smell. It's not an issue. Just just that's when you just kind of lower their window run through well as Crown mentioned the residual vomit smell which it's really tough to get out and if you're on like so we that happened in Virginia once for us and we still had like seven hours to go. And one of the first things I'm thinking about is like I can't be driving on a highway with the windows shut the air conditioner on and the vomit smell lingering in the car. You just got to get out and do whatever you can to get that to scrub that out as quickly as possible. So it doesn't stay just absolute nightmare. None of that happened this trip relatively uneventful. Yeah a couple of screaming things were like the charger stopped working for one of the iPads. That's a that was that was tough. I've got one it but I inject like my ideal solution is train travel, but you know why it's not a drug deal. So here it would be if it was like if 40% cheaper if it was no, look it eliminates the security line and all the hassle of the airport. But then you have all those people you have to deal with bottom and you get like at it's like rolling the west of Airlines because it's less hassle to get there as early. Like a scenic train ride never done that but I better be lovely like the like a train but cross-country train wreck between like New York and Boston and DC and that well like the seller something like that or even I used to do it for the able to achieve and I think it took like a five-hour tray just get the regular really take that long. We have five hour train. Yeah from Boston to New York. Yeah throughout New York to Connecticut. Yeah wouldn't take him out wouldn't take that long to get I did that if he doesn't maybe it was when I visited Skidmore to visit our mutual friend. Yes. I took the train a couple of times but the time it's the peaceful if it's not packed, but it's too expensive if it were 40% cheaper than an airplane ticket. I think more people would do it. So let me just get this straight. You're perfect motor transport would be a train if it was cheaper wasn't packed and well, my perfect Market is probably a private chat great obviously, but there are a lot of things so that's the traveling aspecting the getting there and stuff. Right? So I am I spring break we went and stayed with family. Yeah, which maybe we'll do a in-laws episode somewhere down the line. There's some ups and downs to that. One of the best trips we ever went on was we flew to Turks and Caicos when when the hammer was under one and we was this during the Wall Street movement and when being chased out of your Mansion when I met okay, look it's tropical vacation. We use some points some miles and we brought my sister-in-law. Got our ticket through points. We brought her and she just stayed in our B&B or whatever. It was. It wasn't a traditional hotel and she was the nanny for our baby. Essentially. She got to come with us. She got to be the nanny didn't really cost anything and it was really really makes it the nanny lifestyle having a nanny really appealing to be it really removes all the parenting from parenting. I love it. It's really it's what I want. Yeah, that's what I want and to have someone like assistant and that's why these people that like you come down there grab. Parents. Yeah. Well like well, like let's go on a family trip and I'll pay for everything. Let's bring up a Disney World and they end up entertaining the kids and stuff. It's the dream to be on vacation with your kids, but have a little respite. Yeah, which I mentioned you earlier mom and buried and I because we visited family in the middle of the trip. We were there for about 10 days for two nights. We were able to go off to a B&B at a nearby cities a lot of time and it was we walked around we went to breweries Asheville, North Carolina. It's love with each other. No, you know what? Like I remember yeah, my wife a literally said something like that to me. It's nice to see you know to become reacquainted not so you told her to be quiet because you're posting something. No. I told her excuse me. We're sleeping in separate bedrooms tonight because I need some sleep in separate bedrooms. We did separate bedrooms. What's really Airbnb? We stayed at had one bad in each room. There are two bedrooms She has Ms. She had some trouble sleeping. I have a wife. I have some trouble sleeping. So we split up. Yeah, it's wonderful. That's nice. Your life it was well top three but I mean it's a luxury that you don't get normally if we had kids with this one of them. Even if we sleep in separate rooms. We probably each have a kid in our bed. So she a vacation somewhere strange house. Well, that's like that's like sleeping. I mean anytime you go to a hotel with your all jammed in same thing. It's just like if you're just bringing back like the tenement to like the some kids sleeping in the tub, but it's so exciting to the kid it is that's exciting your it's Having your excited through them for a period of time five minutes and then it wears off. Yes, and then you're like this is the word and then you're like waiting for them to fall asleep. So you can like put on the hotel HBO. So this is what my mind it's so bright. Here's what my wife and I do this what we did last year. We went to Philadelphia just for a weekend like winter break and we obviously got one room when we going to get two rooms for an eight-year-old in the toddler. Ne-Yo one room two beds. We grab a six-pack and my wife has champagne because that's her choice and we sit in the hallway. We tell the kids go to bed we go sit in the hallway and we drink out there for like 45 minutes. Wait for the kids to fall asleep. Then we go in there. We like watch something on the computer on TV as low level as possible. Now, you gotta you gotta get them to fall asleep or sitting in the hallway and either you walk by your parent and get it. Yep, or you work while you're not a parent. You're like look at these while we pose. Yeah, what are these lunatics doing? These two people squatters? Yeah these homeless people but there's All sorts of these little tricks you have to do to make traveling with kids bearable. Can I won we will talk about this later, but we went to Disney at one point and we stayed. Oh my God, you were calling me money bucks. I'm sorry. I you just like talked about bringing your Nanny to translate one shot the okay talk about going to Disney World. All right Trump, whatever. Everybody goes dizzy. Well anyway, so let me just get to the point. The point is is our hotel room had a curtain all those black out in the middle in between beds. In between or like a sweet setup was an officer. There was a exactly between the sweet section. So they knew that people were going to have their kids. I mean they can think of everything they're the best which hotel chain. It was a Red Roof Inn. No, it was like the Disney hotel whatever one of the all right. Well Disney does think of everything I mean literally everything except for when the cloud of dust spells sex in a lab didn't think of that. Did they know that it's like an Easter egg supposedly an aladdin? Yeah, when the the I don't know the Magic Carpet his thing dusk. Up in spell sex, there might be a little mermaid doesn't matter subliminal messages in Disney films. Let's get into it. It's really what's on the top here - team but no, they leave the curtain even their current even closed around the TV meaning the TV was part of the the bed. Alright, so the proper bed area they walled that off and then the the pullout and the other sleeper was separate and was the best it was I as you can tell I can remember a clearly today and I think it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen and I don't only at a Disney hotel. It was ever seen anywhere. I've never seen anywhere else. I would like to see that because all my wife would talk about is wanting to get separate bedrooms after our travel. Yeah, and that's between she and I but having separate residences from us and the kids we didn't talk about getting divorced sometimes co-parenting. Just A Dream is just to not have kids around as much of the time yeah, I mean there's trial so then there's travel you mentioned it before but traveling internationally in the time change and all that stuff one thing I meant to ask you so you've got the three kids you do the road trip. Sometimes you do the plane do they fight? Yeah constantly. Mhm. Yes, you're in a confined space. Yeah, let me get a little bit of that too. It's really really bad. I am a Johnson said fighting so you mentioned is one of the cons to traveling is the fighting siblings, which The lately we've been getting a lot more of that between my two sons. I need any people to sign on to my petition for just like with our murder using parents. Oh, yes, we murdering their children while traveling and just you know, someone comes up there in you know, the streets of Paris assume what happened? Oh, I see you probably wish it's okay nevermind easy parents for everything like Global just acknowledge the stress level of these parents have when they're traveling with kids. Yeah. They let them do anything. They want to not watch Aladdin. Because because the kids are going to see some stuff and they can't unsee. I just don't see a lot of money and I'm not talking about Will Smith as a blue genie. Although the going to be nice to see that either. They should have got the guy from the king of cars that show Blue Genie from the king of cars literally have no idea we talking about the king of cars. Yeah, what's the showing of cause our show on any or something that some History Channel like five years ago or ten years ago. Wow, it was literally never heard of it. If anybody had a character called the Blue Genie Nae Nae Ever heard of the show. All right, you're making this up. No king of qarth. Sorry man blue. Genie. Get at me the I want some comments as anybody ever heard of this. They any or the History Channel. Yeah, I can't remember which one who's like one of them on our TLC? I don't want a little left eye something about. All right. I think we got it. Right. I think we nailed it. We nailed. Oh man, we did our best, you know, and that's all that matters. I mean we covered it all. I mean, I'm left almost I kind of suspect. Yeah. I need to get you need a vacation from your podcast. They always say you need a vacation from your vacation, which is really true when you have kids. Yeah. It's not a vacation when you bring kids along it's a trip. Also, I will just I will just do a shout-out to coming back one day early like giving yourself an extra buffer we do that every time yes it is. I mean, I when I was a kid my I would literally get off the plane we have to go to school. It was yeah the worst thing I could you need to decompress the being be having that buffer time is so we said that to protect the Munch and the hammer like like we weren't getting home until like 7:00 at night like tomorrow is a lazy movie day there on the couch were watching movies. We're not doing a thing because this was a long trip, and it was a long drive back. We all need to decompress and get to know each other as a family again under our normal everyday circumstances, and we immediately started fighting happily ever after exactly. All right, cool. All right guys, we'll we'll catch you next time. Thanks so much. Talk to you later.
In order to go on vacation with kids you need to travel with kids. It's a vicious cycle that needs to solved! In this episode Pete's most recent travel experience with his kids has led him to try and push legislation through allowing parents to freely administer corporal punishment to they're non-listening, irritating children. Mike recounts the special moment in his latest trip where he and his wife got to spend some quality time sleeping in separate beds. ------------ Moms and Dads, WE NEED YOU! This show and these dank memes won't feed our families (we've tried). We need your support to keep this up. We love making this stuff for you guys and we're putting this out there so see if we can make the switch so that this can be more than a hobby 🙏 (that our families hate). 