What's up fam dead and buried here to let you know that if you haven't heard about anchor it's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain it's free. There's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer and anchor will distribute your podcast for you. So it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many more you can even make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership. Have we made any money? Keep we make money hand over fist through anchor. Hello did oh, no, did I just bought a boat? It's everything you need to make a podcast in one place. So download the anchor app are going to Anchor dot. F m-- to get started Alright It's the dad and buried podcast based off the popular blog and social media character. Perhaps you Persona dead and buried and buried my sidekick Pete. You mind. No, it's okay know what I mean honest here really trampled all over that intro Karis wasn't very good. Anyway, so this week we're gonna be talking about birthday. And as usual, if you get almost every topic we choose you can say the hell of right before you say the name of the topic, right the hell of pet mom's the hell of birthday parties. That's what we're doing this week before we get there that we want to do some housekeeping acknowledge some of our patreon supporters us. We have a bunch of cool levels. I promise we're getting some merch together. My sidekick is really gonna kick up his efforts. It's actually been a little bit more complicated than I initially anticipated, but we'll get you guys. This is where leg Works comes in, right? Elbow grease. Oh, thanks Mike. Yeah, good morning. I hadn't I hadn't put the so even without the the merch which we promise is coming. We've got a handful of supporters in the single. Dad. Tear. Yep, Chris Coleman Coleman Coleman better these names straight up David Tuttle and Ms. Baybayin, they do it because through anchor. Yep. You did she corrected. She said that you're good at pronouncing her name. Yeah, that's correct. And also that you recognize her name was Mary. Hmm because you're kind of like creepy. Yeah because she called you a lurker and I was like, I think it's a more of a stalker. Yeah. Well, I had noticed that she had also comment on your Instagram. So that's because she reviewing that's why she's a patreon. Yes committed. What's up? She appreciates us. We appreciate her appreciate it. We appreciate Barbara Geiger funky fee on the dad bod level Julie McCarthy my old colleague who clarified I said that when sure her comment was that she was shocked this didn't suck what she said was she was impressed this didn't like which is slightly more positive more complimentary. I don't know. I'm impressed. She's not shocked because she didn't think a little back. Three terrible. It's definitely that's what I'm saying. It's a little back in it a little less backhanded in the shocked one. Well, she must have really known you exactly and I'm the World's Greatest Dad here. We got Sarge. I'm not gonna do it this time Cole V. The mire Mary Williams mom party of two who's been a vocal presence. She's in my alternate side parking lives that I do on Tuesday Wednesday mornings, sometimes I every single time because I have to park at the Double park for street cleaning. Yep, and I bring my kid to daycare and then I come back and it's too early and Mom and buried his gotten a ticket for being but double Parks too late and I'm thinking if I double Park to early like 20 minutes before the street cleaning comes some enterprising traffic cop or whatever. They're called Transit. What do they call Traffic up is it? Yep. Well, give us a ticket and that sucks. So I sit there and then I give the people what they want The Little Live one-on-one session with me or you know, 12 of these usually about 12 people on there. So 1212 on one's 12 people and every single time I have to explain what street like why I'm doing it what alternate side parking is. What double parking is. Street cleaning is what a city is what America is all the stuff there that really a lot of these people really just don't get it. Right right A lot of them just have our Bots or sexbots. So what I'm saying is Mom party of two is become a vocal. So this is your to We Appreciate know she had this is one of the Smart Ones. I'm sorry to imply. Otherwise it was mostly Pete's fault. So yeah, I mean if you want to go to patreon and throw us some cash it's going to help us create the merch that we are eventually going to create it's not a blocker will just but I think what will happen is What we'd like to do is get more equipment so we can have more guests guests and people been clamoring for some guests not gonna lie to you. So I've got some specific recommendations and I've got a good network of people mimosas mimosas with moms. We're going to have on it some point maybe return the favor the dad experience I think is out at or the dad Venture podcast met both of them. You know, what all of them we're equal opportunity friends with dads and you can listen to us on iTunes Spotify OverWatch Stitcher Tick-Tock all of the politics. All the podcast so you can go to go Tick-Tock. Imagine. There's been some funny stuff on there's the new Vine right took that find the new Vines and you can watch this on YouTube which my brother says he does. Yes. My brother says he doesn't beat those where he plays the video and watches it and I was like, no wonder we're not close because he's a millennial like me. He's got a malaise older than me. You know what he's the millennial at heart and yeah. Okay. Well, we're all Millennials at heart. What are they known for like being lazy destroy when actually they like they're very good. At multitasking and are actually pretty upwardly mobile. Yeah, I really like ya know what try like Millennials the better emojis than I am. It makes me feel insecure about myself opposed to the old urgent. Come on cambric. Yeah, that's fuckers Baby Boomers go to hell days. You fucked us all you real real. So before we start with the birthday parties, we got a lot of your comments last week. We covered play spaces or playtime. Yeah and playgrounds play spaces playdates, and we got some comments one was shitting all over your suggestion that Will Dad to overplay are the most annoying thing in the world. Yeah. Yes. You were shitting on me. I was shitting on you then and now people are joining me in taking a shit on you. That's right. Just never forget. They're my fans first if they become fans of you, it's purely incidentally this right now and accidental. Yeah besides Ms. By in God, damn it. Why do I keep walking myself into these names? I can't pronounce like it's like a compulsion we have what's wrong? Oh, no, I'm gonna start calling her Mary from now on. Okay, so MK stiff, Live with the how I'm choosing to pronounce that one says the most annoying thing is Mom's on Facebook. Thanking their kids for and I quote choosing me to be your mommy. Give me a goddamn break vomit Emoji. Yeah, I gotta say I couldn't agree more with MK stiff. Yes. I don't know that it's the most annoying thing about time. It's definitely more annoying than what you're saying. You know what and it's like really insane. I like that. She goes there and just calls it the most annoying thing because that's something that I feel like I would definitely do I don't like when somebody says they're blessed just in general but in About their kids it is I met your kid buddy. It's it's not a blessing. Yeah, the fucking is that the tragedy your life is a mess, right? Yeah, Sarah Dawn chimed in and actually she was talking about one of our previous ones about the difference between living in the suburbs or in the city and she says she lives in a small city where the transit system is shit and she can't drive which there's an opportunity to better yourself there Sarah get shot. So while I think the park play paces places torture, we don't get out much. I feel like a reclusive. The winner so I pretty much live outside in the warmer months playing with them is the worst go make some friends. But Mom you don't talk to other people. It's called the she's quoting The Simpsons here. It's called the double standard kid, one of the bedrocks of parenting which is true. That is true. We didn't really we haven't really talked about that about double standards. I will buy like being a hypocrite around your kid, like come on eat those beans, you know, like would you eat them? No, I don't have to eat them. I hate them when I was your age. That's funny. That's awesome. They'll survive exactly. It's not all fucking fun and games when you're a little kid. You got to lay the foundation for Shit exactly, but I appreciate that and I also did you notice that I said recluse which is the proper way of pronouncing that a lot of people think recluse but it's recluse. Okay. Nate is shaking his head and admiration just feel that I had identified him. Just stop with the all right. So and Sarge who loves who's one of our most loyal listeners, he's alright man. He's that he's upset that I have been wearing my my headband enough. Yeah, and he noticed that the room is getting hot because we have a little AC window unit. We have to turn off because it's too Ooh loud. I mean you guys can hear the BQE in the background. So that's because we have a huge hole in the window. But if we put the AC unit on they'll just hear the thrum. This is the steady thrum of the AC. Yeah and star just like Sarge kind of wants to see the headband and I think a lot of people probably feel the same way. I don't think so. You know, you don't know I don't think so. Well, you know what? Well, I think we'll agree to disagree. I'm gonna bust it back out summer months got to do some yard work through the thing on take a live. Hey say, hey peeps keep that you into this. I don't take my shirt off in public. He's serious of a dad. But please your body just doesn't know how to quit. All right, so we're getting into and oh birthday parties right after this, okay? Hey, Mike, have you heard of Spotify before? I have heard of Spotify? Really? Yeah, because on Spotify you can listen to all of your favorite artists and podcast in one place for free. You don't even need a premium account Spotify is a huge catalogue of podcast on every topic including the one you're listening to right now here. We were having a normal conversation and I thought I knew more about Spotify. We're on Spotify. You can follow your favorite podcast. So you never miss an episode premium users can download episodes and listen offline. Ever you are and easily share what you're listening to with your friends on Instagram. I'm on Instagram. Are you on Instagram? Get out of here? If you haven't done so already be sure to download the Spotify app search for dead and buried on Spotify or browse podcast in the your library tab. Also, make sure to follow me and Pete so you never miss an episode of the dead and buried show. We are back and as promised we're going to get into birthday parties. Now. This is actually been on the docket for a couple of weeks because I got an invitation in the mail that my brother's daughter. His only child was having her first birthday. We're over Memorial Day weekend was we just had so my family and I we went up the bear Eads. Those are the best kind of birthday went up the one-year-old. Well, so this was the debate and I think I said that you beforehand that I wasn't sure if he was going to have like beer and wine. Fine at the party you weren't sure I wasn't sure like he didn't say anything. I didn't ask him. I see you want to be like let's go to let's go up to Connecticut unsure whether there's gonna be beer at this one. You're unsure, right and and Mom had tarried wants to know and I'm like, I'm not asking I want I want to experience it in real time, whether it's true or not. I know you didn't plan on a coating that you didn't want to see ya writin want to ask what I wanted it to do. Okay, it seemed impossible that he wouldn't but the more I didn't know that the more posh. Just saying that there wouldn't be and of like an animal would have a one-year-olds birthday party without booze. Yeah, or any kids birthday party. Yeah, but especially one year old because it's not for the one-year-old. It's for you you celebrating the fact that you survived the first year of parenting and that the kids survived right get doesn't know the main thing the kid gets his is his first piece of chocolate or cake or something right when they hit one you can supposedly do that. So we went to this thing. I'm happy. I'm happy to report that there was booze could be Dear no, no Litchfield bottom here was the middle of the day on Saturday. It's a hot day outdoor park. Oh at the park at the well, it's my home town in Connecticut. Right? It's a small little town hall Center not quite it's a little bit of a park barbecue like tables you can barbecue. Okay all that shit. So there was a they brought a grill and one of the people works one of my sister-in-law's family members or something has an affiliation with the place it was Able to like open the door for the bathroom and all that shit so they don't really have a yard right and like it's like us in Brooklyn. I got we only last year maybe the last two years we held the birthday party at our house like for our kids. Yeah and the park seemed pretty easy this time. Like what I saw I mean I didn't have to do any of the cleanup or the setup which is one yard. That sucks. Yeah, but like whether it was there like a playground time no just is wide open space, but there weren't that many kids right? There are my My kids are a couple kids ride their bikes were riding around there a big balls in a tiny little ball pit for the babies and toddlers. So there wasn't a playground. You don't have to worry about kids like it was wide open space. You can see the kids wherever they were all that shit right fairly hassle-free. Well, well when you're there like crawling and walking somewhere walking some across this kid was in a high chair or being held the whole time the birthday girl. Yeah. There you go. That's there's a nightmare right there the entire time well, yeah, but in the high chair or in that they have one of those little stroller. Yeah things that you can roll around in where you like it's like a walker for for babies. And so I hate having the birthday party at my house. I also hate having a birthday party somewhere else and I don't know we know I know we've talked about it. So you did the apple. You're not the opposite, but you went to a facility. So not just outside like we did because you went to your own birthday. I want you to know I went to it. Yeah, I went to a birthday. I was invited to a birthday party was a five-year kids invited her you were invited. It I was invited personally to a five-year-old birthday party. This is creeping me out. I will just sat in the corner as fine. Yeah, totally fine. It's just staring really hard. I was at the park one time and he asked me and of course I invited the kid asked. Yeah. Okay. Your son asked me Bob check to see ya. Don't just sit back down. Hey, buddy. I think the kid knows what he wants. Yeah, four-year-old. I'm sorry five-year-old even better. Yeah, don't you Tommy don't you tell me don't you dare? So this was my son. I was invited to this birthday party. It was a five-year-old birthday party was at a bowling alley so loud. It was bowling alleys are loud. It was that's interesting because there was a point at which my son who's not yet five who's almost five was holding his ears because the sensory because they're just playing like wowed music what kind of music cardi B actually was like sort of 90s grunge and icing. Yeah, so I got I got something out of it, I guess. Yeah, because like The Man in the Box by Alice in Chains sometimes yeah, it was like those some some sacrilegious lyrics in there so kids but but here's the thing about this so This bowling I mean this was a big there's a pretty big how many kids at this bowling alley. So first of all an ungodly large number they weigh over invited they I mean did they pay for all the bowling? Yeah, they had no business inviting my son to this party because there are too many kids in your Fringe friend total Fringe and you know, I Found a couple other dads that I knew and we would kind of hanging out but like the attention span like you can't get a four-year-old to bowl for two hours. You can you know, it doesn't work. Well, they can't do it was there candlepin or duck pain to they've got her? Well, they have the gutter. They have the gutter things. And the thing is is that anyone doesn't know they lift up the yeah, like side little thing for little kids. So it bounces a ricochets when I was a kid. They didn't have that everybody. They had. Dr. Canaan Connecticut, which is like smaller ball not candlepin smaller balls small. Hence not candlepin, which is just as it sounds like a more modern kind of bowling alley so they had like a video and that's the other thing they have like all these video games. Okay, and so see that you kids are distracted doing that instead. Oh, really? Oh, cuz my son wasn't asking me to play video games for two and a half hours. Yeah. I want to play this one and said you have to hold I've Something's Got a Hold Your Kid up to be able to play those games if they don't have stools. So was it but was that expensive? Well, so I didn't I didn't put it on but you could just tell like they had food they had all yeah drinks weren't include they there was a bar which I particularly but there wasn't it wasn't part of the G8 a logger. Yeah. I got a Pilsner. Yeah. I got a tall boy or something some cocktail or something like that. It's delicious. It's all you refreshing and Saturday afternoon. And but the thing is that first of all four year olds need a shitload of help bowling doing every it's very dangerous not because for them to drop just falling off constantly dropping them all kid any kids thrown over him and then you know what they did, you know what these don't tell me. The reset the bowling lanes and put every kid's name individually into different for everyone arrived or after you got no no, no because they were half an hour late. So this was after I try must have taken half an hour the whole thing. It started like an hour late and then it was two hours after that and it was like at some was like God damn it. Give me that goddamn cake get out of somebody. Oh, that's funny. We gotta get out of here. So somebody said I can't take it anymore. Listen to this. Somebody said when you want the cake, You have to wait five goddamn hours Melanie Vineyard when you want cake, but at the end of the goddamn five our party parents were angry about this topic and I love that cake is the it's like a ransom. Yeah, they held you hostage or goodie bags to like where you like I got I'm there's no way I'm leaving here without something for my effort. Yeah, they held you hostage give me the cake so that we can get this whole thing done with two and a half hours was way too long to wait around for it. And then by God Manny like had this it was too involved. It was just way too. So my my brothers went a little long because they started a little late to but you're in a wide open space the kids are running around and there was booze. It was fine. But it was it was a little bit. It's just lower key, right which is fine. We like a four-year-old party at a bowling alley you're worried about like other other other customers. There's the place was packed. Yeah, exactly. Oh don't worry about like not like your son's like over there crying because he doesn't know where you are. So a lot of people walked away like a lot of people like renting a place and and I can see the appeal. I know you do, but I wouldn't Like renting a public place just like a portion of it. Nah, man. I'm by the way, I'm not into that. I'm in the Gymboree. I'm into renting and I'm gonna give a big actually or bounce to you bounce use the bounce you is that the one around here? Yeah. I've got a couple of those. Yeah. There's a there's like places are depressing though, like the lunch rooms where you have the party is really depressing but you it is very depressing. But the fact that you've been jumping on jumpy castles or whatever you want to call them for the last like four forty five kids are wiped out kids are wiped out. Everyone's had a great time. Time these things are like actually generally pretty scary and like it's a pretty fun time. Yeah, I mean, they're huge. They're like, these kids are scaring. You said no the the bacilli of like the these slides are huge. Yes. Some of them are pretty big. Yeah and like then there's like these climbing things were like, they're at least 20 feet high and but they're covered in germs those places, which is Jean Marie 1010 said you get exposed to the plague Meg Nick Nick 619 said my kids always get sick without fail two to three days after any party, which is true wants kids hanging around kids, but those Spaces are just teeming with teeming with and you are very gerb germ phobic. I'm not necessarily germ. You're such a huge germaphobe. Okay, you like Howard Stern eye or a Howie Mandel is how they wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. He'd only fist bumps because he's going to get you. You know, what? I'm actually the exact opposite. I have get over yourself Howie Mandel, I mean system. Yeah, but maybe that's because you're so scared. What are you talking about? I've been talking about holding on this you hate my sandals, you hit my sandals. That's because my flip-flops my rainbows. It is not disgusting wearing fucking fucking power it. Our engross it's Empower. Somebody I did a story. Well, I did a story once and somebody goes after I did it. Somebody goes I could hear you. I could hear flip-flops because my stupid feet are going to slap slap slap. Oh, will you shut up about wash your feet every night. Why would I wash my feet? They're naturally self-cleaning. Of course. I wash my feet. Yeah every night. I brush my I wash my feet in the toilet and then I brush my teeth with the fucking vomit ball. All right, we're gonna talk about who's a gross person here in a minute. Okay, so, Um, you like bounce you there's Monkey Joe's are all those places are all the same. They're kind of fun my wife. You know what it is broke her ankle at one of those trampoline joints, but you know, it's the ones that really like the Gymboree the ones where it's like, okay kids you go play and they play for a period of time and then it's all organized and you go to a different room sure have it all set up rooms. We're going to get to those rooms in a second rooms are so depressing, but you know what? I don't give a shit. It's a two-year-old's birthday party. There's no booze at those places the biggest drawback of renting a place like Chucky Cheese, although That's good. So L Furlong or I for long? I don't know what it's probably Eddie Furlong shout out. Shout out to American history accident. It says Chuck E. Cheese is the worst. I hate those invites as a kid Chuck E. Cheese was fucking King shit. Like maybe now it's dammit Dave & Buster's but in the 80s, I love going to Chuck E. Cheese it Stokey ambling arcade games. Yeah, 5,000 toes Skee-Ball tickets for a fucking pencil pencil eraser, but I think some Chuck E cheese is now has sell beer. They should and if you go to Dave and Busters, you can definitely get here but that's for like older kids right solder and there yet. Yeah, everything is like more expensive. I remember I was on the school bus one year and I was going to a kid's birthday party the next day and I yelled fuck on the school bus and mr. CEO Lee heard me and stopped the bus and pulled over and I got in trouble for using since Manatee just and my parents threatened to not let me go to Chuck E. Cheese to the party. I think I ended up going to my parents don't have a backbone and that is why I don't have a - yeah, that's why you're currently on exactly. Thanks, Mom and Dad. So yeah Chuck E cheese all those play spaces to me. I think they're kind of drab and depressing and they're expensive. Well, hold on a second. So so this is you had someone who was saying it was talking about renting I'll get up Angelita says rent the place always it takes a huge hassle and stress out of the equation, which is your argument, which is my argument, which is I don't think the cost it doesn't work out when you have it at home or in a park like this. The amount of effort you put into making the food bringing the food buying the food if you're having it at your house after the amount of decoration, but at the place you order like five pizzas or whatever exactly do that at our house too, and I don't but I mean usually this it all these play space or whatever you want to call them the renting a place like the bounce you it all comes as part of it. So the cake comes part of your array. It's One-Stop shopping, right? Exactly. So you can invite, you know, there's like 12 or 13 kids you can invite and it's all for a certain amount and and that it's the same. Amount of money because I just I just did this for my eleven-year-old. Yeah, we had a stay-at-home party where we kind of decorated. Yeah, we really I actually tried I really tried and it was it was actually kind of cool. We did a like a heaven and hell things. She wanted like a skater. I went to one of those in college right and in order to get a little twin or if you if you go to you have to go through all the levels in order to go from hell to Purgatory. I do a shot of tequila. Yeah from purgatory to wherever and then to Heaven yet to do shots. So it was really fucking this. This is actually the the same thing how many shots did these kids have been to Patron shots? Hope so but no but just the amount of money we spent in in decorations and and like this and like it's not even hold on the time. I understand that but it's not even the amount of money it is so my wife is like a very good party planner like so much so that she's like dabbled. She's good doing it. Right and she takes a lot of care in it. I couldn't do wants her kids to remember. Yeah, you've been to handful of them. She's a fucking absolute nightmare to deal with in the lead-up to this. Right like have until she's just so stressed about the logistics and the planning and she's so good at it. And I'm like look either stop worrying because it's gonna be good right or own the fact that like or get into it. Yeah, right. Let me see is into it, but that she gets me into it. She toes the line and I'm not just saying that and I'm not good at it lets it all come out directly on so she's done last year. She did I don't think your kids Associated Star Wars once all these fucking she has like she creates games or she goes on like Pinterest and see stuff. She's not like a Pinterest perfect mom, but she'll get She did a pirate one where she created a map invitation and then had me burned the edges of it. Yeah, so it looked like old parchment. And the last year we did a Harry Potter and this is where I come in like aside from the manual labor that needs to be done. Like I wore a cloak and was like a dementor or something and they threw like water balloons at me right if you get one kid one kid really going at my crotch like this kid. He's like The Jock of my friend my kids group of friends. And I mean the kids that coming up he's like waiting and cocking his arm like it's Acting like buddy, chill. I have sciatica, which I didn't realize that the point but I'm sure it was there Laurie because probably because of that probably because of that kid, I'm gonna have to speak to his parents. Yeah, but I I can't stand like that's the the Plus for someone else handing all but my wife wouldn't do that. It's not a special you're not in like a 1984 drab colorless concrete building where somebody's giving you a cold Peak event, but at the end of the day if they get a bounce you they get presents, right? Yeah, they get presents the Have cake unless everyone fiber party. Yeah, tell me about this. So somebody commented Keitel 9. He said her kid. They just did a five or party for her kids. So that instead of everybody having to worry about bringing gifts which can get expensive everybody who came just gave five bucks to her kit. That's really smart. It is pretty smart. Wait, no and they would have okay and then the kid keeps the money and gives it to the parents the parents used to pay for whatever food they bought in the kid doesn't get anything. That's how that's birthday Pasha Works. Yes the experience for bags. I see you know how much base cost nowadays but you are getting less value, right? So instead of getting you know, 10 to 20 depending how many kids you have 20 to $30 toys of some kind you're getting ten to twenty five dollar bills, which is all significant take a downgrade space, but my kid doesn't need any shit. We kids need more shit. I my wife got one of my daughters Friends of birthday present and I basically looked at and go. Are you serious? We're going to be the biggest dicks in the world. It was the biggest thing about really it's like an austere stay ostentatious display. It was like this American Girl like fact things are super expensive American World. I think it was the the tour knockoff Hargett. What's that called? Girl? All right. Go ahead Rebecca. What mrs. Miniver something and yeah, it was some sort of like lever that me neither. It's got to be mrs. Miniver. I don't even know what you're talking. I know you don't you're not very cultured even though this cake grew up in England. He doesn't I mean get your head out of your ass. So are you gonna say I told you is impressed literally I go to hand this present over to the dad and the dad looks at me like what the fuck is this? How could you do this to much give this to me like like like in the basement. Well, why would you give me a present that is going to now take up a significant? Alright. Well see we're in Brooklyn rights and and it's apartment living and space is at a premium. So that's a good point. So it's like a big obnoxious get I collect the GI Joe aircraft carrier like that would have been it would have been worth it. What would it be worth it, but it takes up a lot of space. So my next door neighbor growing up got every to everyone in his entire life. Right? So parents are divorced shit happens Jewish and Catholic so they got Hanukkah and Christmas but didn't go to church or synagogue God really grounding gears thinking about it now. So one year this kid really wanted the aircraft carrier. Yeah, really one of the aircraft carrier which is huge and he got it like the Here's the final gift, isn't it the His mom gives him a little box and he opens it and say the other boxes in this room and he goes in the boxes get progressively bigger until he's led to the fucking aircraft carrier that arise that of course, we got ya right where his brand-new car. Yes inside inside the aircraft carrier exactly. You see I'm not gonna bring that part up. So the other thing is what my brother did right and which we've done was just go to a park. Yep, which is like it's combines doing it at your house and and doing it at a place except you only thing you don't have to do is pay but you have to carry all the shit everywhere. You have to do all the cleanup. Yeah, it's you have to order all the food. It's like doing it at your house, but I think but it's less because you kind of just throw it away in the city garbage cans, you know, if you can write but the places we've gone like you they're off the beaten path. You can't drive your car down to him. You got to park on the street and then walk a half a mile into a fucking Glenn or a meadow. I don't know. I don't know Island. I don't Dublin outside just Meadows in Park all right. Is there a Glenn? I don't know. I don't know the terminology of the topiary. We're all these was that would that be writing to view the Tweakers? Okay, so we did get a bunch of people talking about the cleanup right? So when you do in your home and one of the main complaints wasn't so much about the cleanup after throwing a party. It was the cleanup at home after going to a party in getting a goodie bag. Oh, yeah, get up Angelina hate those annoying toy gift bags that have toys with those awful sounds that she Ice skates in the middle of the night look just just good parenting like the goody bags are basically just garbage that you bring home. Yeah, so but there's a queue exception that your kids fight over, you know, 100 percent. Oh, where's my ring? You like what rains like so so I don't know where her last name ends in a first name starts and she's a loyal contributor to my lives and stuff. So I apologize pavani pavani. Hi pavani guy. I'm not sure. I know that she lives on Long Island if anyone wants her address. Shoot me a note. So she says she loves birthday parties with the only thing she hates of the tiny plastic toys that come in the goody bags Gazoo spinning toy small yo-yos and kt88. 57 says same thing. I hate goody bags. Nobody needs more shit that nobody need Jean-Marie. 10:10 says the junk ends up all over the house tiny pieces of siblings and swallow which is an issue for us. We get a lot of that stuff, but I will say one of the toys that I really love is those little parachute band like the plastic army men with the plastic parachute on them. That's a good you unravel and throw it in the air. Air and it hovers down. Oh my gos are cool. Have you ever been don't really work that well, but it has your kid ever gotten slime in the goodie bag. We've avoided the Slime phenomenon for the most part the fuck. It's the word. I have heard horror stories. Goddamn worst. We've had one or two cases. Like we've had Play-Doh, which I feel like is yeah is like slime is much worse than Play-Doh. It's like it's like Play-Doh 2.0 slime is made with glue. Yeah right loves to stick in Furniture who does love that shit. It loves it if glue could think yeah. It would save itself is slime and have a big fight over. So but at the parks goody bags, I'm trying to remember they're not mutually exclusive you can have yeah, you can have it at that but that's that's so much so much to it. Someone's I remember did you get goody bags every time you went to a kids party when you were getting so yeah, so that was it was exciting. It was exciting to kind of get this just trinkets though. What now? It's exciting. It's those if you get there, yes, all that's exciting about what I like is it is getting little mini booze in like like airplane bottles in your kids. Goody bag. Oh, that's fine. No the Goldschlager. Sorry. I know it looks exciting. But you takes a - logger on this I'm not going near that a bad experience. I may have reference that before. I think I did too, but I wouldn't know Buddy's not had a bad experience on gold. No, come on. There's only one type of experience to have on Goldschläger and that is a bad experience. I think that was involved in the Heaven and Hell party that I went to in Cleveland circle circle 1997. Like the T Station like the like just like a rabbit. Eh, yeah, right. I was waiting for the tea and some of the enemies of Goldschlager. I wish the green line. Yeah. I love it. Yeah me and Pete were both went to college in the green line on the tee. Yeah. Look at that. I went to the better one though. Did you in your face? You fucking face? So, okay. So let's let's close it so we can all agree that goody bags are horrible. There has been a couple times where someone's put like pencils and a pad of paper and I was like actually Lee what is this for? No, I think it's great pencils and a pad of paper. That's all you need. You don't need and 1987. No. Yeah ET little spiral footpads. Yeah, that's great R2D2. They draw on it for hours. Nowadays. You bring it to like restaurants. You bring it out to restaurants and bars have them drink. So here's a question that I don't know the answer to Do older kids like if you if your kid goes to somebody's like sweet 16 party. Is she getting goodie bag. You know what I believe is it like going to the Oscars you leave with like an iPad you got now you it doesn't it's not a party while I think they're it's more slightly older skewed and I can't remember exactly like, you know hair band or something like hair bands or something like that like poison like nail polish rat like nail polish. So you're saying except fashion accessories like things like that. I thought Talking about Nate's favorite kind of music Motley Crue hair bands hair bands. Yeah, you get Twisted Sister you get twisted sister is a going-away present and then they're really grateful. Yeah, they needed somewhere to go like thank you very much. We're really at rock bottom. So hold on. We haven't spoken about a couple of other things. So so the presence that you have to buy we talked about a little bit Yeah, but Jean Marie makes a good point Jim Murray 10:10 that she likes when you get an invitation that specifies like not a fiver party, but like my kid likes trains or leg up. What they're asking for that's fine. That doesn't bother me. Like would you be I guess maybe it's a little like presumptuous that you're going to bring the kid a toy, but it's a birthday party. If it's not toy based they would say that like don't bring toys which those are great too. But she makes a good point like we don't know every kid and it's better to get the kit something. He's actually going to like and you can try asking your kid. Hey, what is holding at school? You know like the play with and your kids fucking though. He only knows what he likes to play with and he's just says that shit because that's what's on top of his head. Yeah, and then you disappoint. Your friends kid and then you're not friendly friends anymore and his may or may not have happened to me. Yeah, I don't it doesn't sound like it's ever happened to you before. I think I lost a friend because I forgot to get him a wedding gift. Now. That sounds like a good happen. Yeah, it was like I got like the cold shoulder and I'm thinking back of my head. I'm like what happened? There's a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode about that where they forgot and then they go and they try to give a really nice bottle of wine to the couple. They're like, nope. You missed the deadline. It's only you have a year. That's the the Miss Manners protocol and I think that's what II didn't even try with my friend that which is probably the difference. No wonder he didn't take me back. I don't even try to get him something after the fact screw that guy I'm sorry Jeff. There we go. Right now. That's all that's never too late to make amends. That's true. Oh and I was worried about this at my brother's kids party 28. He says do not open gifts with guests there. Oh, yes that used to happen. When I was a kid. I feel like that was par for the course like you'd be at Skate World and you'd sit down and you open your He-Man figure ya know. What about and then and then of course you do you'd only On the ones that you like? Yes, they don't do that so much these days at least not around here. Well, it's definitely better. You don't want to sit through it and it creates so much awkward energy about a baby shower where like the point is the display of the gift. All right, here's what I'm proposing you show up to a birthday party. I'm already married within within half an hour cake and happy birthday has already happened your choice presents are happening like the your choice whether you stick around or not the drop-off like for the parent. Yes, so if you're having a good time no, no. I don't like that idea one bit why I don't want to show up and then have to stay for a little while. And then you can leave if you want to that's just creates awkwardness of kick right at the knot. Fuck you. I don't mind cake and I'd rather drop the kid off and have cake. I just want to drop it off and not even go in the place. I don't want a hybrid that's were so how do you have to make like awkward goodbyes, or do like a French exit? So nobody sees you leave that's fucking weird. Why would you do that? You really want a cake at your friends kids birthday party my point that bad. No. I just go to the bar and get a piece of I want it to be over. I want the option to be able to leave. At app I want the option two and a half to go. That's the option. I want that's why I drop off parties. I fucking great. Well, I'm surprised. Yeah, drop off parties are good. Somebody mention that here. Somebody said my mom Linda one said I hate when is to drop off party and one or both parents take guess what? You're gonna hate Pete because he wants to fucking hang out. No, I don't but we're just talking about how you want to be there for a little bit of time. I see you you completely misunderstood what I'm saying? You did a cake done early, you get the cake done early and then the parents have a decision they make they can either take I think that's all. Oh you can take the Here, we don't believe that's a crew. Now, you're yanking your kid out before the party's over. It's got we've since our transaction we finished we present has been absent friendships all about transaction. Yeah. I've got my goody bag. We've gotten a little cake. Thank you very much. It's been a perfect day. Now it's time to move on half an hour just and if the parties worth it, if the parties worth it, like if there's boosts I'm talking about this like, I'm really thinking about this bowling party. That was so pretty brutal Jayma Condor which may or may not be how it's pronounced said alcohol must be provided if parents are Acted to stay it's the only chance I'm interested in sticking around as if there's booze I went to and if it's in your house and there's booze. That's a little weird. If you have like a back what works or something just a little bit tighter if you're in somebody's house and there's a whole bunch of kids around the ones that is this booze makes everything better. Let's not let's not forget everything. Let's not forget that first birthday party where every single parent of one of their first one year old. Yeah, he's drunk off their. Oh, no. No, they basically over invite both parents because their friend groups are All one-year-olds. Yeah. Yeah. So now instead of having one parent come which now like usually happens when you have double parents, you've double parents. You have all these kids that can barely speak that are that I can't make it on that one. I think the Babbling what is their it? Do you have sir? Maybe but there there there someone walking summer they're into everything. So all you're doing is running around and chasing them and you're in someone's apartment if your course they haven't calculated the size. And so now you have like 40 people. Yeah. Well, this is what I'm saying. I need place. And one is very hot. And so hot and one time. I remember I went to a birthday party. They definitely did not have alcohol and it was it was like I'm an upper decker toilet. Not just one not just one. I left it. Sorry guys. That's the price you pay a whole whole deck. So Stanford. Mommy, who's a was a funny. Mommy Murr. You should check out her Instagram. She says give me all the drop-off parties, which is exactly how I feel they are the platonic ideal of kids birthday parties is Can drop off your kid and bail and you let other people do the same when it's your party? Yes. It sucks to have to you are suddenly in charge of all these kids and a bunch of people have said that like I it's awkward to suddenly be yelling at somebody else's kid at the party. If you're the only parent who still there well if it's the party at your house or whatever, which sure that's awkward, but that probably doesn't happen that much. Generally you can start to separate like the real dicks from like the hopefully they have been invited as people will know most people have come with their manners, you know, they like a lot of lot of kids are more. Well behaved at their friend's house than they are. Yeah. Well, there's certainly at school than at home with other people than what you yeah. It's a pretty good parties worth been sold. But like there are some people really hey, can you stop like banging my coffee table that Mallet and yeah, well Calgary dad's he says one of the worst parts of birthday parties is screaming kids that aren't yours so not screaming at kids that aren't yours, which is what I took from his comment the first time I read it which is also sucks but screaming kids that aren't yours. So he says never do it at home. It gets Pizza grease on the wall. Yeah, yeah, then he mentions he hates themes which you know, what don't marry my wife. Yeah, don't marry her but there's some people have some good ideas. Like somebody said like a backyard campout where you do like s'mores and water guns, which is you got a low impact you need a yard. That's not really happening at City Hall. That's a smaller crew. I mean, I think we're also talking about larger. I feel like most of the birthday parties that well the younger the kid the more people you invite because the kids aren't really making friend decisions on their own yet. Right. So you're keeping the window open casting a wide net. Yep, and as they get older the kids start hating other kids and that forming their clicks. It's true. So this was funny wrinkles OCR Wilkins and says when your kid is too nice and wants to invite the literal bully. You've had to have meetings about it's cool like good. I'm glad you're nice. But no, I hate that kid. We have a we've had a situation like that like my kid but heads butts heads with some other kid, and they've been to each other's parties. It's really weird situation. Have you have you ever had a conversation with the parents about it or yeah, they're just like oh that's what our kids like. Cool upper decker time you damn right so that I want to get back to one of my favorite comments on this thing. And I think so. This is from Holly underscore him in five. And I think that she has dropped something else suggests is going to brutal once before but she gets straight to the point about how she feels about birthday parties expensive stupid mandatory and exhausting now, I don't know if she's talking about attending birthday parties, but all of these adjectives apply to both attending a kid's birthday party. And throwing your own yeah, they're expensive Yep. They're stupid. They're mandatory until you get old until the kids get older and they're exhausting and I thought that was a really nice way of putting it bonus. It reminded me of this Saved by the Bell episode where they created drug anti-drug PDA RPS pedia, a lot of pdas on that show to anti-drug PSA where they have each of the cast members like the way the commercial starts is they just show like Zach on the stairs dumb and I'm going to Jessie Spano stupid and they just say a bunch of Harsh adjectives and then they Johnny Dakota is there to talk about how drug use isn't good because Johnny Dakota is a Hollywood Story secretly has a drug problem that the kids find out about and he's trying to date Kelly and it's really awkward because he's got some substance abuse problems and he's probably direct them head-on. Very informative program Kelly Saturday morning Kelly's at the deadbeats Kelly's in the deadbeats. Yeah. She was into the dude who worked at the attic who was older there's a college guy got fake IDs went to the attic is cheating on Zach. This is happening right now you who wants some more a beautiful mind I do it. Number a lot of nonsense is why and I don't remember anything important and a body that just will not quit. It should quit but it doesn't know how I wish I were wearing my dad but t-shirt. Maybe I'll wear that next time. Maybe I'll wear a crop top that would be great. Oh, oh football. Yeah. Mesh hasher Doug Flutie. Maybe we yeah or damn Reno. Yep. Get a patch of Mahomes. He's like the hot one these days. Yes. He's young. These kids are young. You think he's hot? Okay, look wise. Yeah. I mean you have he's man he's good. So I think he throws the ball into Tight Windows is like really improvises. Okay, the my do you think it's hot? I know what you know, what own it. All right fine. Oh, no, he's hot. He's hot as shit. Okay, it's like Jimmy Garoppolo. Let's be honest. You don't know who that is. Remember? He's like Tom Brady of Tom Brady didn't wear. Oh, yeah. That's right. Okay. All right. I'm ready. Got a dumb chin dimple. I'm not a fan of it. He just he kind of looks just he's a doofus. He looks like a job is he really does? He's a he's a he's a doofus. But he's a gang member it says Seinfeld is a male bimbo. I mean, but I mean you can't argue the guys he can't argue because as the brain Tower Dark because he knows we all right fine. Let's get out of here. Are we done? Do we do we cover it? All I feel like we got it. See you are we say that? I feel like we got it. Who knows you people need to tell us what you know, what how about this? Mostly I think you have too much on the table and we're just going to end the episode now, how about that? We don't want that but I'm okay with it because this is a fly-by-night operation. It is fly-by-night Merchants coming guys. Stay promises promises. I know it's it is you know what it would be convenient for Father's Day. I would really like you to gift me some merch. You know, what I'll give you the shirt off my back Mike. I'm good with it. I usually prefer my shirt. Okay. What is that thing so true it's a short sleeve shirt. We will what are the items on it? Like a pineapple? Yes, sweetheart. Yeah. It's like literally makes zero sense summer summer at it grocery cart patterned shirt of some kind of pretty sure I see grocery card on there, or maybe it's a saxophone on You know what it is. It's a drink with a straw in it. I take it back. That is summary. Exactly. I'm sorry. I couldn't find my 3/4 length baseball tee shirts from 1980 you grew up in England. They don't have baseball over there in your face, which I didn't play Lobster back, so don't worry about it. All right. Okay everybody. Thank you very much. I think we got it. But okay, so we want to make sure we keep the conversation going. We love that. You got to comments. I'm at specific video aren't specific episodes. Yeah the Facebook group, which is really dying on the vine if anybody wants to like being a Admin of that thing because it's just another Outlet. I can't I can't handle it. I got too much not going on. We should with high unemployment. Listen to the podcast every which way I was going everywhere. Maybe an email. Yeah. Well I send out what I usually make a blog post out of each episode, but if you're not subscribed to my blog you won't get those so I should create a new newsletter which you know, what? Okay. How about I'll do that when you get the merch running. Okay, that sounds good. That sounds good and go to patreon. Yeah help us, that would be great. We really really appreciate it. It just also helps us because advertising is a tricky business these days and we love we love getting support because we would love to keep doing this and doing more of it. Yeah, I mean, you know, there's some things I change. Yeah your wardrobe that we yeah, look at how about that? Wow, really really sinking of a bitch? We've come a long way P we have would indeed. Okay, we have windy you have. All right guys. We'll see you next week.
Anyone who doesn't think kids parties are brutal has never been to a 1yr old birthday, in an 700 sq ft apt, with no alcohol. Freshly triggered by recent birthday party experiences Mike and Pete dive deep (read: complain about them). It's another installment of the smash hit podcast based on the wold famous blog DadandBuried.com. All of this is true. -------------------------- Moms and Dads, WE NEED YOU! This show and these dank memes won't feed our families (we've tried). We need your support to keep this up. We love making this stuff for you guys and we're putting this out there so see if we can make the switch so that this can be more than a hobby 🙏 (that our families hate). 