Real quick. I recommend listening to this show on Spotify where you can listen to all of your favorite artists and podcasts in one place for free without a premium account Spotify has a huge catalogue of podcasts on every imaginable topic plus you can follow your favorite podcast. So you never miss an episode premium users can download episodes to listen to offline wherever and whenever and easily share what you're listening to with your friends on Instagram. So if you haven't done so already be sure to download the Spotify app search for optimal living daily on Spotify or browse podcasts in the Your library tab. Also, make sure to follow me. So you never miss an episode of optimal living daily. This is optimal living daily episode 1447 the doormat and the control freak healing with Solitude by Veronica to galava of Ronica dot-org and I'm your very own personal narrator Justin moloch reading to you from some amazing blogs and books to help you optimize your life. I cover a personal development or self-help minimalism meditation mindfulness and a lot more we cover a bunch of other topics in the optimal living daily podcast Network which includes four other shows. Definitely subscribe to those if you like this one just search for optimal living daily, wherever you're hearing this to find them now, let's get right to it as we optimize your life. The doormat and the control freak healing with Solitude by Veronica to galava a Veronica dot-org. I grew up undervaluing Solitude as an only child with immigrant parents who were struggling to make ends meet as my own constant companion. I spent those hours by myself constructing elaborate dream worlds in my head. I made up songs. I danced I play teacher to my stuffed animals. I explored my body. I read I left out loud in my own jokes. I never thought I love being alone. But neither did I think my mom only it just was what it was as I grew up. A teenager I spent less and less time with myself my moments with other people were exciting passionate bubbly my moments with myself weren't like that at all Solitude was the Beloved stuffed animal that I adored took everywhere slept with each night, but eventually grew tired of shoved into a box and a bandit in the Attic when I forsook my alone time, it wasn't just my imagination that I left behind. It's incredibly difficult for me to think for myself around other people. Begin to notice this tendency a few years ago. And the more I notice it now the more I realize how much is controlled me in the past when other people are around I can't always clearly identify what I want what I think or what I feel as soon as I get myself alone. It gets better The more I've observed this pattern The more I've traced it to a tendency to see my needs and the needs of others as a binary system either I get what I want or someone else gets what they want either I get my A or you get yours so as a kid, I often swallowed and what I thought Felton wanted because it was inconsistent with what my parents thought felt and wanted I put others needs above my own as a teenager. I began to rebel I put my needs above those in my parents. I wanted to have my own way for once Rebellion liberating me in one way and limited me and another in order to always put myself first. I throttled my empathy. I told myself that in order to be happy I had To do what was right for me and forget everyone else as you can imagine either submissiveness and or rebellion, led me to happiness. One of the most important lessons. I've learned over the past few years. It's that I don't always have to sacrifice my needs for other people. They don't always have to sacrifice. There's for me. I've learned this through Solitude. I remember some time ago. I had a horrible tension headache from a strain neck muscle. I went to take a long bath. Jamie was downstairs cooking us dinner and you turn on a podcast. Here to the walls the sound made me feel irritated and overwhelmed all these thoughts rushed through my head. Does he know my head hurts? Why would he be so loud? It's so inconsiderate. I thought about going downstairs and asking him to turn it down. But with how angry I was anything I said would have rubbed my mood off onto him. I didn't want us both to be in a bad mood when just wanted some rest and some peace. I tried breathing deeply meditating and even some merging my head each tactic worked for a little While but soon enough the noise would trigger even more pain. I felt helpless tears welled up in my eyes as I looked around the room desperately. I noticed the switch for the bathroom fan. Sure silence would have been nice but white noise was a good option to relieve the turn on the fan. It's low hum drowned out all the sounds around me slowly. I relaxed when I came downstairs. Jamie had finished dinner. He asked me how I was feeling we talked. I told him what had happened. Of course. He had no idea I could His podcast me hugged me. We had a delicious dinner and a great conversation how differently that night would have gone if I had marched downstairs angry covered in soap and reminded him through gritted teeth that I had a headache or if I'd stayed in that tub angry than helpless stand and crying and emerged even more exhausted than I had gone in my sound like a silly little story. But to me this moment was pivotal when I chose to turn that fan on. I neither sacrificed my comfort for his Or trampled on his to make room for mine. That's the important part. I found a way to make my own Comfort regardless of his actions to this day. When I feel I have to choose between my own happiness in someone else's I try to look for the bathroom fan option. I asked myself if other people can have their way and I can have my own at this point in my life. I find this question difficult to ask in the presence of other people. Maybe I'll change over time. I'm learning slowly, but for now I try to create a safe solitary. Is for myself on a regular basis where I can return to who I am and what I want where I can return to a place of love for myself and others. It's a funny thing love we so often think it's something we feel only around other people, but for me my need to constantly detach myself from other people in order to feel love for them. I need to connect to the loving presence within my own body and mind so that I can bring that presence to my interactions with others when I'm alone. I could take the time to process through my oceans to remember what's important to me to figure out what I want to do to decipher between the resistance I should counter and the resistance I should honor Solitude makes me strong then I bring that strength to my relationships. I don't need to resist my desires or other people's wishes. I can accept the validity of everyone's Journeys including my own and I can choose to walk away from relationships where there's no room for both of us to be human. Am I good at this? I don't think so. But the most important thing in my eyes anyway, is that I'm trying I'm trying to formulate a bond with myself that strong enough to weather the influence of the outside world. It's hard, but I'm doing the work and that's enough for me. You just listen to The Post titled the doormat and the control freak healing with Solitude by Veronica to galava a Veronica dot-org a real quick. Thanks to anchor for hosting this podcast. Anchor is the easiest way to make a podcast. They'll distribute your podcast for you. So it can be heard everywhere Spotify Apple podcasts Google podcasts and many more you can easily make money from your podcast to with no minimum listenership. Anchor gives you everything you need in one place for free which you can use right. Your phone or computer creation tools allow you to record and edit your podcast. So it sounds great download the anchor app or go to Anchor dot f m-- to get started. I'll leave it there for today. Have a great rest of your day. And I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.
Vironika Tugaleva shares her thoughts on healing with solitude. Episode 1447: The Doormat and the Control Freak: Healing With Solitude by Vironika Tugaleva on Choosing Happiness Vironika Tugaleva was born in Donetsk, Ukraine in 1988. Her early years as a misfit began her painful struggle with mental health. As she struggled with self-acceptance, anxiety, and identity, Vironika found solace in words and music. Her first book, The Love Mindset, won the Readers' Favorite silver medal for Best Self-Help book of 2013. Driven by an urge to spread light in the world, Vironika began to do life coaching, speaking, and writing in the personal growth field. In 2014, Vironika sold her things, left Toronto, and became a digital nomad. She launched her 2nd book in 2017, The Art of Talking to Yourself. Currently, Vironika is working on a poetry book, writing and peforming spoken word, and planning arts-related events. The original post is located here: https://www.vironika.org/doormat-control-freak-solitude/  Please Rate & Review the Show! Facebook Group and Join the Ol' Family to get your Free Gifts! 