Hey everyone. Welcome to shark school. This is Kayla knows Barry. I am your host and what we do here is we combine neuro linguistic programming tactics with business success secrets. So all things like improved productivity increase in sales and the mindset stuff. It takes to consistently be a top performer. I'm here today with Jeff Shelton and he's the owner and founder of a company called wholesale warranties which Specializes an extended service contracts and warranties for motor homes in RVs. Super sexy. I know that sounds like whoo, it is a sex offender like hang on viewers a warranty guy that's selling stuff online business. In fact engaged to Jeff and every time we go out, there's always a chick is like mmm warranty. I did it for the ladies, you know, he didn't do it for the ladies. It's not a sexy business at all. And that we might we all know that most businesses that do really really well tend to not be sexy. So good job for you. The riches are in the niches and you found it. So what do you got going on today? What's something that we can work with together? Well, besides getting you a coaster. So the biggest thing that I'm dealing with is I'm in because I'm negotiating on building a product that I think that I'm certain is going to be that have been looking for for years started. Working with a company and they're gonna be able to help. However, I'm trying to resist getting into an argument with with one of the guys that I'm working with and like I'm doing everything that I can to not work with them. The reason being is he's belligerent. He's doesn't know what he's talking about. But he talks like he knows what he's talking about. He is just wrong about his ideas. And I he tries to me absolutely up a wall la la la la la la and I listened to the show. I hope not because you might not be too much longer like there's so much frustration when I deal with them. One thing that I notice is I I keep going down the path and getting into arguments or like I'm trying not to get into arguments about you know day. Along with the product. I'm trying to stay on point. I just get frustrated and I know what we go down a rabbit hole that it has nothing to do with what we're trying to accomplish in building the product and the reason being is because he rotates me and I know that I can't think clearly because what he says it I mean there's my opinion but know I'm right like he's just wrong about things and and also he sidetracks the conversation Rush Jen the question is, how do I just ignore? Statements that are irritating that are frustrating and keep a level head to progress the conversation forward and just kind of ignore people being belligerent and annoying and what it's stupid. You know what I mean? How do I stop prevent myself from getting frustrated or raising my voice or getting drawn into an argument? Out of your seven questions in a row there. I think I deduce how to Manage emotions that are intense when they arise on the spot so that way you can move the progress forward. That's essentially what I'm hearing boiled it down. That would be extremely helpful. And that is something that we can definitely work on today. So what's interesting about neuro linguistic programming is I'm going to explain a little bit and I'm explain what it is. Then I'm going to explain how it can actually help your situation and then we might even try an exercise to bring it all together and you can ask any follow-up questions. So when it Comes down to neuro linguistic programming. It's basically a combination of your nervous system. So that's and what you interpret. So anything from visual auditory kinesthetic olfactory, which is how you smell and then gustatory which is how you taste. Then we can blind the linguistic which are the language patterns whether that's picture sounds feelings tastes smells words self-talk is what we basically mean by words and we combined the way we interpret the world any of the visual auditory kinesthetic olfactory and gustatory with the patterns that we are seeing in Language and then what we do is we look at the system in the process for how you're currently managing this and we program it in a way that serves you. My guess is that the reason you're asking this question is because you realize that your anger is not serving you in any way. Yes, I think if like yeah to to that point like I can get myself wrapped up at the gym and like get angry about stuff that helps me lift weights, but I know you know what I mean like that brings energy to me sometimes. Like to think about like what would happen if I you know playing football and I can or get in the boxing ring or got into a fight and then I can use that energy to lift weights. However, what I'm trying to create a product make a negotiation getting frustrated or getting angry and stuff like that or something like that it I can't think clearly and I don't want to be argumentative. I want to kind of like you want to be consultative consultative and not get rattled cool. So it's interesting is because we live together. We're shooting this in the kitchen. I've been hanging out with you all morning and even relatively relaxed and till now but I can feel it in your voice. I can see it in your body language for those of you all upload a photo later, but he's looking a little tense. It's a little intimidating and he's basically going back into that time and reliving that experience. So what I want to work on today is your automatic programming for how you interpret what's happening on the phone. Okay, because I'm assuming the conversations on the phone. Yeah, actually sometimes I'll get an email that will get me to that emotion. And then I'm like oh shit. I need to I'm gonna get on the phone and I'm super frustrated and I need to kind of like let that frustration come down say hey higher rational person. That doesn't make any freaking sense where Allah, you don't like, how do I get like? Yeah, you know, this is your you're mistaken on this that's funny. You know, like, how do I be like more Zen more comfortable going? Yeah. I don't think that's really the issue. That I want to discuss I want to discuss this, you know be very like that. So I'm going to interrupt you because every time we start talking about you get roughed right back up and that's not serving you but yet it's a pattern you're continuously repeating just during this one simple task of tell me a question. Yeah, so we're going to get you back into isolation. So what I want you to do is I want you to close your eyes and if you were driving or operating heavy machinery some of our podcast will actually put you in a light trance, so do not drive do not operate machinery and if you do decide I'd to partake in some of these exercises just know that there are exercises they came from a combination of all the seminars books and my master certificate in neuro linguistic programming. These thoughts are strictly my own and I've been using them to coach and help entrepreneurs for years. So we're going to go into one right now because we've got to change your state because from a negative State you cannot create positive results. So keep your eyes closed stop looking at how pretty I am and I need you to take a deep breath. Inhale. One, two, three, four, exhale three, two one. Go ahead and push your shoulders back align your posture. And when you have your next breath, I want you to loosen the grip on your jaw create like a p shape between the back of your mouth. As you continue to breathe in 1 2 3 4 and exhale three two one. Now you are more than welcome to open your eyes or you can stay in the state. Whatever you find works for you. I'm going to go into a little bit about why what is happening is actually happening and why the results are not exactly what you're looking for. What's basically happening is you're pushing? Even if the other person isn't aware of you pushing the negative energy is pushing against the force. So when you read an email or you see somebody who is acting in your opinion totally irrational. You're coming at it from a let me prove how irrational you are. Or let me explain how you may be wrong or this guy is impossible to work with. Or I know more than he does what you may be forgetting. Is he may very well be acting in the only way in which he knows how to act. So he's just going to say whatever it is to say just to continue to rile you up. There is no interest. That serves him. To not want to grow the business with you if you truly have to rely on each other. Then you absolutely need to find that Common Ground instead of push. He doesn't want to be completely irrational. He just wants to mitigate the arguments because it is in his best interest to carry forward now if he does indeed want to be irrational or anger you will then you have a bigger issue and you need to find another vendor because you can't push people you can never make somebody change their mind what you can do though. Share a situation or experience or continue to build rapport that puts them back on. He's with you and alleviates that tension. So if I push you consistently and I have an idea that I think is right and you don't act in the way I want you to act most people will continue to push until they see the result they want. If instead of pushing You found that Common Ground. So you say on the call. What is it that we both want to achieve rather than going down the rabbit hole. He's going to tell you what he wants to achieve. Now whether he tells you in a manner that resonates with you doesn't necessarily matter. What does resonate is what you both have in common and how you can find the solution and you will never find that if you're pushing against somebody and if you have the preconceived notions that they're just your rational irresponsible, they don't they don't communicate well, Better Business person, you will always start off the call on that energies though. When you find yourself getting like that. You can simply just say I ask. Hey, what do we want to accomplish on this call? And how do you think we can accomplish it? Slash have a push more of a pull towards you. And then together you can figure out the weeds of the situation. Wow, yeah interesting bike. You have a very soothing voice. But okay. I didn't actually think that I didn't know what was gonna happen with that but a couple things that I just noticed is it made me think about like a lot of the things that he was arguing about. Its he was trying to be I know I kind of think I see a little bit more clearly now that he really probably is just wanting to show off how much he knows. Absolutely and I think one of the patterns that really came out For me even just when I started thinking about it is I wanted to show him how much I wanted to know. Yeah, and he's the irrational one because I'm right. So like like you're saying is I'm just going to push back. Well, like know I know more than you and I'm actually falling into his pattern. How does being raped serve you and here's the interesting thing the biggest part of this argument that we were having going back and forth has nothing to do with the product that we want to build it takes purely about She wants to be right I want to be right and like it's like really what you did for me was just kind of open up that idea like, you know, what who cares let him die following into his pattern. He wants to be writing shovel smart he is and I'm doing the exact same thing, but my mind I'm right. Yeah, and in his mind he's right and none of this has anything to do with the product that we're going to build and so there's no way that serves you and there's a law in NLP. It's I think the called a prerequisite for Those of you googling everything here s the most flexibility wins. Let me ask you something fiance of mine. When I'm needy which is never because I'm Flawless, but when I need quality time, and because that's my love language when I need quality time, and I sense that you're too busy or you're not around or anything. Does it matter if my skewed perception is right? Ha ha not really no and what would happen if instead of you leaving work early bringing me flowers and cooking me dinner. You said babe? You're being needy. I'm doing this for us. I'm constantly working. I'm doing everything right? I am being a great fiance. What would happen to that relationship? Um, I don't think it would go very well. No, no and what? Happen if two people fought against something that wasn't the point. What is the principle of us being together? It's to build a lifetime of happiness. We set out to break records defied. The odds were very motivational couple in that we are together for the success of the unit and the whole not necessarily the success of the individual and at your office, you take a completely different methodology and approach where he's right. I'm right now, let's argue this out and find out the truth. Ook you argue with me about quality time. It doesn't serve the ultimate purpose. It's an ego. Push an ego pushes do not create the results you want. Yeah, it reminds me of you know in a business Forum we discussed business topics all the time and something similar to this came up and I just remember this one of my peers looked at me and said like okay. Yeah, you're going in this pattern of you want to be right? And he said do you want to be right? I want to be rich. Yeah, it's it's kind of that simple and I think he's acting I you know, and just that reminder of going down that path of look trying to be right all the time. It's just going to make you wrong. It's yeah, it's not it's not going to accomplish that goal. If you're if I feel your irrational liked Roofing or point. I know that you know, like even just being able to recognize that that pattern of I need to prove you wrong. I need to show you how smart I am proving them wrong will never grow your business the way proving them right? Well hmm, because you'll be the most flexible. Yeah, and that's how you attract business rather than put up. Also, if you have to be right in every negotiation number one, how little are you learning number two? How flexible are you and number three? How is it actually helping? So is that as far as like CEOs and stuff that you've worked with? What do you think is the biggest you know? characteristic when it comes to negotiation that they have like is what I'm trying to say is how do I consistently let me rewind this. Yeah, probably edit that part out because I'm trying to charge you can afford editors yet. Yeah, so okay. I think I can I can before going this because like what really ticks me off was an email, right? And I somewhat like that's pretty steamed up. And actually I feel pretty calm right now. If I was going to this negotiation now, I think I'd be pretty good. Of course. You would be what? One of my favorite quotes by Mike Tyson is everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face. So what I'm missing by that is if I go into it and it comes up again. Sometimes I leave I say another dumb thing and maybe I forget this trance-like state is what would you recommend if I feel myself getting in a heat of an argument and maybe like taking a pause on something like that or or going into that trance-like? State like what you just record because I'm like, I'm really calm right now, but I was you made me calm but now that even I'm kind of experience this you can probably see your read my book. You're not living it again. You are climbing to know how do I you know, how do I do it when it's more in the Moment Like It kind of like I say that like when I get punched in the face and that animal fucking just want to choke you kind of mentality going to call me down again because this is insane get the question. You've restated the question three times and you're coming from a place of that same. of Despair negative emotions So sit back in your chair. All right, and you to relax your giant biceps ladies. He's taken shut your eyes. Inhale through your nose 1 2 3 4 exhale 3 2 1 unclench your jaw a little bit and roll your shoulders back to a place that feels comfortable. Now the reason I'm putting you back into this state, it's not because I like the chill Jeff. It's because from this state you find power as opposed to being powerful. And we need you in a state that serves you instead of a state that limits you. So my answer now that you're calling you can open your eyes and do whatever you need to do my answer for you is how do I stay in this state when I am punched in the face And I would say eliminate the face punch in general and you're like, well, you can't because he's done a little bit whatever the heck label you put on him is how about this from this state of power you release the negative emotions and you use a tone of curiosity. Of how could he be right in? What interest does he have that I am in alignment with and what you do is the most. Difficult thing you will probably have had to do in your entire business career you pick up the phone you schedule a meeting from my calm relaxed state where you are not fearful about getting punched in the face and you physically call him because then you are in control and he picks up the phone and maybe he sounds disgruntled. Maybe he brings his baggage into the call as well. That's fine. You're not going to be in the call with baggage. You're going to Simply explain Let's Pretend. His name is Mike I don't know his name, I don't need to know it. He said Mike don't have a conversation and make those. Yeah, what's that because of imagine he's a little negative to begin with because he knows every call with you you were going to push him and try to prove him wrong and hurt who he is as a human being and a man because all people at the core of it. They want to feel loved. They want to feel that there are enough. And when you threaten either of those two cores, the other person will have immense push back and you say these words Mike. I've been thinking about a lot of our conversations and I realized what we both want is XYZ here and I'm committed to that result. So for that, please forgive me for any inappropriate cause we've had where we have wound up arguing or that didn't serve our ultimate goal. I'd love to start fresh with you. I could totally like when you put me back into that place like I could make that phone call right now. Give me my phone like I would say probably my bets and it's not. I'm sorry. I'm sorry is a defense that makes us put up our walls because I'm sorry has been thrown around so much that we lose its Effectiveness. Yeah, if I'm mad at you because you're late for another meal and you come in the door and said now, I'm sorry. I don't believe you but if you say, babe. I want our relationship to be a success. Please. Forgive me for being late. I'm committed to figuring out a way for it to be a successful relationship. Yeah, How likely are you to get booty that night? Ha ha ha. Okay. It's a conversational pattern. So I think that's the conversation. It's number one if we're going to summarize this and let our listeners get back to their lives and their businesses. Number one. You need to stop pushing and find Common Ground number two you need to ask for Forgiveness, and I'm sorry Mike. Please forgive me. We have this is our common ground, and I'd like to start fresh working towards that Common Ground. I know I've been difficult to work with and it was never my intent to offend hurt or push you in any wrongdoing. Please forgive me. I look forward to having scheduling a productive call this week so we can accomplish exercising together. That's awesome. That's very helpful. Cool. And if somebody listening wanted to have you walk somebody threw this type of coaching services and obviously this is what you do for a living is coach Te'o's and C Level Executives. How does somebody get a hold of you? Yeah, so check the spelling of the name and it's super simple. It's w-w-w dot micelle my SS kly n.com and you'll see the resources Tab and it's right there in the podcast. Thank you so much. That was really really helpful. And I hope everybody's got some take good takeaways and I feel so much better moving it is thank you so much. I got you. All right, go do shark ship people.
This week on SHARK SCHOOL… INTRO to Klyn Elsbury and what this show is all about. #1: On this episode we sit down with Jeff Shelton. Jeff is the CEO and founder behind one of America's fastest growing private companies, Wholesale Warranties. On today’s show we dive into combining neurolinguistic programming tactics towards negotiating with "idiots" and how to set yourself up to win any negotiation where the stakes are high and emotions have previously flared. JEFFS PROBLEM  He is working with a difficult vendor that he claims is belligerent, rude, and an idiot when it comes to building a business. They have had multiple incidences where a disagreement has occurred and they need to find a solution or else the entire project they are working on is in jeopardy of ending. JEFFS QUESTION How can I prevent negative emotions from arising when he pisses me off and is blatantly wrong about a certain topic and it takes us off course from the conversation? 🤔| 🧠 | 🦈 | 📈 |   FOR A CHANCE TO WIN SHARK SCHOOL SWAG  Comment your favorite part of the episode on my latest IG post @klynelsbury  If you rate the podcast & send a screenshot  to pr@missklyn.com you’ll get a downloadable guide of Klyn's top 10 digital marketing apps and tools to grow your biz. If you have a question for us or want to request a guest, comment on our Instagrams ( @klynelsbury )   or Linkedin  or ask us by emailing Lisa at pr@missklyn.com. 