episode 55 money dates with Yael chesh of Jewish Latin princess Welcome to the first year married podcast where we get real about building the marriage of your dream. I'm marriage Coach Cal 11 and I take newly married and engaged women from anxious insecure too confident and connected through practical tips real-life inspiration and more than a little self awareness along the way. Hi there. Ladies. We have an interview today. I am so excited to share this one with you. I was recently a co-host with my friend and colleague get out Rush on her podcast, which is called Jewish Latin princess and during that podcast. We were taking listener questions people had sent in questions to her and I was just there to help facilitate the conversation. So one of her listeners asked her to talk more about this concept that she had discussed in a podcast called money. And immediately after we finish and I heard her answer. I was like stop it. I'll you have got to come on here and talk to my lady's about money dates. This is such a fabulous idea. She articulates it so clearly and I think this is something that a lot of us could really use I'm speaking to myself here very much. So if you're anything like I was as a newlywed you might even know a lot about money, especially in theory, right? I personally had an amazing personal finance class in high school. So I know that that's very unusual and I also started working. At a very young age, but you might not have a ton of experience, especially when it comes to setting long-term goals, like retirement and investing and for sure not with managing your money with another person. So I'm super excited to have you out on I know that no matter where you are with your money. You're going to gain something from this conversation today. I'll has this background in finance earning her ba in economics and international relations from Tufts University and an MBA from New York University's so she's got her credentials right there today. She's a writer a Cast host an international speaker who's passionate about financial literacy and women's relationship with money. Welcome. Yell. It's so great to be here Kayla. Thank you so much for being on I love this topic. So amazing. I know when you get the topic that you love you could just go forever, right? It's like right it's easy and fun. It's also so relevant for your audience. So it's just so smart of you to provide this space in this platform for us to have this conversation. So glad because this I could not give this material over myself. I do not have the background that you have and I don't have the experience you have and I don't do money dates. So so let's start there. Could you give us just to start off a bird's-eye view for people who don't listen to your podcast to understand. What is the money date? Sure. So before I Define it, I went to paint a picture for you and tell me if this Rings familiar or true in your life. This is something that you're familiar with. Okay. Let's say you are setting up dinner you're prepping for dinner. Your oldest is sitting at Table doing homework your toddler is I don't know on the high chair. There's a pending email that you know, you have to send to a client that's really top of mind and you're also kind of like drafting that in your brain as you're getting dinner on the table and all of a sudden you get a text from your husband or your husband walks by the kitchen and mentions something about the credit card or you remember something or you get a call that's has to do with money and you snap at your husband or he snaps at you or even doesn't have to be snapped just a passing comment, right and within five minutes this turns into some sort of argument and there's tension in the room and you're like what just happened here. Is it sound true ever happened to you? Yeah for sure. Right. So there's there's tends to be in marriage and this might be you know, your audience is as newlywed in the first year of marriage. It's a time when we haven't kind of learned yet how to communicate around an area of life that not many of us were taught how to even think about letting On communicate, right? And so it might happen that whenever you have a conversation around money it just it it becomes volatile or there's tension and some people might even avoid it altogether. So what the concept of a money date is is striving to avoid the volatility and trying to create good communication. So it's basically an appointment with your spouse where you're going to talk intimately openly and respectfully. About something that tends to be emotionally charged your financial life money. So it's giving you guys the space and the time to enhance your communication skills around that area giving you the opportunity to actually understand each other's views and concerns or habits and upbringing around money ensuring that you're both involved in the Practical processes and decisions of money and making talking about money something almost fun and normal and and Like easing the tension, so that's that's kind of where we want to get with. This money date concept is rather than just leaving these conversations to happen kind of haphazardly and you know the wrong time just setting up the space on the time for them to happen in a healthier way, you know, yeah. Well I would have really appreciated this information about 10 years ago rights just meet you. Yeah, but just the way you're describing and I know when we went into our marriage I had a lot of Attention and a lot of like I've got freaked out about money so easily and my husband really wasn't that way and I think you know over time we had enough conversations and the this was a thing that we were comfortable talking about a bit so I was able to share with him. But right now just knowing just the way you're describing it this kind of like, yes, we do all come from different backgrounds and some of us have more tension and some of us have less and we have different attitudes and philosophies, but you can get to this place where this you know, I'm hearing you say you can get to a place where this is. Kind of fun and its eggs intentional. It's not reactionary. Yes. It's intentional and also going to believe you on this. I'm gonna believe yeah, that's where we can get. You're going to have to prove it to you showin out how because it's your painting a beautiful picture here. Well, you know what happens is a money is a huge part of everybody's life and all the more so of a marriage right? There's one in every marriage. There's going to be financial decisions that will have to be made and you want your marriage to be a full-on partnership. I don't want it to be a partnership in all other areas, but then the financial life is just like kind of weak over there. You want to bring that along you want to be full Partners in all of this? So that's that's the idea amazing. I love it. There's such a spectrum just there in terms of our partnership right like something will come into a marriage and they're like, well, I'm going to have my bank account and you're going to have yours and you know, maybe they've been working longer and they've been used to being in charge of their money. And then right there's marriage coaches out there who say, you know, what give him control of all the money And be in control because that's going to show that you respect him and that's going to let him be the man and you know, there's like a whole philosophy behind that and I think you're coming somewhere in the middle. How do people know? What's the healthy balance? What's the what's a good place to be and what how much of this is personal and how much of this is there is a right answer here. I love this question because the answer to your question is and how are we going to know? First of all, it's very personal. There's no right answer that, you know something a your planner or me is going to tell you this is the way you have to do it. No personal finance is personal, but it's the personal and finance very it right. So it is very personal but precisely because of this is that the money date is very important because the money data we could get into this now or a little bit later but the money date the way the way I like to teach it is not just about the numbers but there's there's the actions the financial actions that we're going to take You know who's going to pay the bills Who's Gonna Keep the tax for the records for the taxes who is going to you know, setting up all the accounts for retirement this or that or college savings, whatever it might be there's and setting up goals. But before even before that, there's a step that is called awareness even getting to know your partner getting to know your spouse, you know, kind of like dating them and in the process also getting to know yourself because there's a lot of things About ourselves and how we think and behave about money that we don't really know we kind of operate by default, but we never really sat down and thought Oh, I behave that way because a lot of things that happen to me my childhood kind of made me shape this, you know my mind in this in this way, right? So there's a lot of the understanding that has to come especially this is especially relevant to your audience because they're getting to know each other still. It's a beginning so like you said before, you know, you came with your own. Sets of boobies and your husband was slightly different and you've got came to a point where you learn how to communicate around that and you know form your own unified voice, but if we don't have that communication that we can't even get to that place smoothly. I would say of deciding whether we're going to be more comfortable with having separate bank accounts or one joint account or two separate bank accounts, but one but a third one that is for the both of us, you know, there's all these practical Decisions that I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. I have my preferred way, but it's because that's what my husband and I are comfortable with having now that we know each other now that we've discussed how we think about money how we feel about money. What our goals are what our values are. So this is an excellent question. I think I love about this is what you're saying is like it's not we're not deciding on what we want to look like and then telling our husbands we're going and really with just an exploration in the beginning. That's what you're Right like at the Bix actually at the Peak at the very beginning. We want to explore how we are around money. We don't know that we don't know that yet. Right and we want to kind of connect the dots between the past and the present, you know, and you know, we both were both in this marriage are going to have stories that were pivotal and we're both coming with family relationships that shaped us the role that our parents had with the money. That's what we absorb. That's what we observed and we might be just mimicking. In that by default, but we might want to change that and that's okay, but we have to have those conversations. So I always like to tell people that the first few money dates the first two three, maybe even four should be focused on these areas and I could I could share with your listeners some type of problems and things of the conversations they could have so that they can you know, they could make it easier because because the emotional part I Think It's Tricky for a lot of people right? So they know, you know, there's there's a whole month. Story that we come with in a marriage and especially like you mentioned some people can married later in life. So, you know, they have a longer experience and you know, so there's a lot that we bring that we want to uncover for ourselves. And in order to then build from there. Okay, great. Okay, so I hear that there's a lot of different phases but I can imagine that people are already wanting to get a little bit more of a picture of the how so can sort of paint for us. Like what is the structure of a money day and then maybe we'll go into all these different phases of What were what were developing over the course of those? Right? Right, right. So how do we do the money date? So the first thing that I like to tell listeners is to schedule it regularly. That's the most important thing. It has to be something that's scheduled in both your calendars and it has to be a regular occurrence again, there's no right or wrong or I recommend to do it at the very least once a month. I personally do it weekly. However, we've gotten to a point and a rhythm that we can go to twice a month. Instead of four times a month and you know, but it just there has to be a regular. It has to be like a regular conversation that happens so weekly twice a month or at the very least once a month make it a regular thing that you and your husband do it schedule and their your calendars now related to that is the second part which is too limited. We don't might one of you might be able to do spreadsheets or talk emotions, you know till 2:00 in the morning, but we don't want to do that. We want to cap it, you know 32 1 An hour max 30 minutes to 1 hour max. That's it. The the next time we'll take it. You know, we'll take it from where we left off. But we want to still be alert. We still want to you know cover what needs to be covered and be productive and not overburden ourselves with this is supposed to be helping us not being just another thing that's burdening us. God forbid. And then the third thing is to have an agenda to really just be able to before you sit down kind of job the you know, two three. Five Points that you want to cover together and you might get to them all you might not but at least you're both coming into your date like kind of knowing and it's going to change every time you know, it might be you need to talk about an experience that happened with your boss and you're thinking of quitting and what's that going to look like financially or you might need to talk about, you know, having children or saving for a vacation, whatever it might be right, but how about an agenda have an idea of what is what needs to be covered during those? Those 30-minute period or an hour and the fourth and very important thing of how to do a money day. Kayla is to lighten the mood. You know, what happens is that money can get can start feeling like a very heavy topic very quickly. And so what we want to do is make this into a date keep a little give a little bit of the fun and the personality, you know, if you're the type of couple that it's going to be more comfortable going to a park and just kind of nudging notes on your phones and just do that go for a walk or go to your Your coffee shop where you'd rather just sit on the couch with blankets and your laptops and a notepad. That's also great. If you need to bring some yummy treats or some tea or hot cocoa or dark chocolate, you know make lightning about the little bit because because it's just time together where you going to explore this this area of your lives with the it's your finances, but try to keep it light. I love it. I love it. I think that and also the the point about putting a cap on the end is so important maybe even getting an agreement at the Beginning or setting an alarm at the beginning or something so that if you know you're setting it in the beginning so that no one's feelings need to get hurt at the end when it's time to put it away. But just knowing the way to keep this healthy the way to keep this positive is not to let this sort of spin out because things can feel so so so so important and Urgent in the moment and then we step away from it in the next day. We're like why why did I get so, you know like caught up in that exactly. So letting this sort of take some time. He's really why they love that and I'm glad you mentioned that because even With me and my husband are very experienced at the money day, you know, sometimes even during the week something will come up and then one of us has to stop the other and say put it on, you know, next week's money date, you know like at it's great because it's like no we're not talking about this right now. This is what why we have a certain limited designated space and time to do this and it's like, oh, yeah, great. Well cover it at the money date, you know, we don't have to do this right now when it's back time, or will we have to rush to meet our and my in-laws are right and I left it always. Think of hacks. So I'm just thinking that one thing that can be really helpful is if you think that either you or he might get not you but the you know, someone is wanting to do money dates and I'm thinking that one of them might get carried away with this or have trouble or be offended. So what you can do is you can just have a hard stop. So again, like if you know that you have to go through carpool or you know, you have to leave for work or there's there's something coming up that you can't miss it, but you can't not go on time. Then that's a really easy way. So you just back it right up against that, you know, so the an hour you just have Because you have to move on and again, it keeps it from being personal not that it is but I can feel that way sometimes. Yeah, the other one the agenda idea. I was thinking, you know, if people share a Google Calendars, which a lot of people do what you can do is if you just have that repeated event, then my husband and I do this sometimes you can go into the notes on the event and and both you can just add to the agenda on the notes and then it carries over to the next event brilliant take things off as you cover them. Brilliant exactly. We do this we do this exactly amazing. Okay, great. You already know. Okay, great. So we have our weekly or bi-weekly or maybe even Monthly our money dates and you know, I love the consistency of it because I think you know things are going to get so far out of control and over from when we were first married, like when we learned that we needed to sit down and look at our money on a more regular basis and we really were able to get in control in a totally different way and life shifts so much, right and your your your financial decisions are constantly, you know having to be Some re-evaluated so we want to make this just a normal part of married life. Okay amazing and then so then once you get there, so then we've gone through this first phase over just sort of exploring and we're learning about where we're coming from in our beliefs and our goals and things like that with an especially for newlyweds, but I guess for everybody like how to me I can all look very overwhelming like do I need to have a portfolio? Do I need to have retirement? Like I just need to figure out my budget like one of those mrs. Bennet. Groceries. So how do we know sort of how much we should be worrying about or what's okay for now and what we can worry about going forward or I don't know what words to the wise do you have on this? So I love that you painted it that way because I want to take you back a little bit and stress why this beginning space of awareness is so important because it's that's going to set up the foundation when you know that just the word budget causes you And makes you feel you know triggers you in certain ways when you know that about yourself or about your spouse already, right? You can then decide, you know, how to tweak your budget. Maybe you just have to change the word budget all together and use different language and agree with your spouse that we're going to call things differently. We're going to use language that makes us feel empowered and calm right we could call it a happiness plan a family happiness plan. We could call it a life plan. And we could you know, we could call our charity account bank account. We have one. You know God's blessings account. We could call our mortgage, you know, our beautiful home that we love right if we try to write you might have been like if you're using a software you could even like put it on there a hundred percent a hundred percent a hundred percent. So what I'm saying is even before we tackle the Practical nitty-gritty just knowing things about your money story, you know, where your successes. Failures for both of you, right because we're going to do this together and when we have this initial these initial conversations, I would really love to see one spouse speaking and the other one just listening and then, you know reversing that right but as you're getting to know each other that's going to be the foundation for knowing of hey like it's okay. You're in a safe space. I know this makes you nervous or I know this is exciting and it's good for you to know it. It feels good for you to know that we're saving for this goal, right? So so Even before we get to the numbers but to your question, which was about the numbers right? I think even before we set these goals that can feel a little bit overwhelming especially if you're in the beginning of your marriage like what retirement what is that right? All right, I think we have to start playing detective after we've learned a lot about each other about our money stories about our families about are you know, upbringing and how we think about money how we feel about money and all these things. We want to play a detective which They means look out for the number. Look at the numbers and list them and you know know how much do I make how much does my husband make how much do I have in savings? How much does he have in savings? How much death do we have? You know, all these numbers that are painting the financial picture what our credit scores before we even start deciding. Where are we going to focus on are we going to focus on credit card debt? Are we going to focus on Getting are we going to focus on investing long-term right first try to get a financial picture, especially if you're early on in your marriage. You probably don't know this yet. You probably don't even know. I mean, maybe hopefully you talked about it when you're dating, but maybe you didn't maybe you don't have Clarity on the numbers and it's good to just know and by the way, I should say that sometimes even this step can be overwhelming and if it gets too overwhelming like if just looking at your Both your assets and liabilities is like enough then put a note that in six months. You'll find out your credit scores and you'll you know, you like you don't have to do it all at once. You know, if you you can breathe through this you're in a partnership you doing this together. It's an ongoing conversation, but the first step before you even get to making those financial goals is to know where you're holding and then you can decide and prioritize. Okay, so I see that I just discovered. That we have more debt than I thought or I just discover that we have no debt and we could start focusing on saving, you know, so many things are going to get uncovered that is going to shape. What what my goals are going to be and and do what we do. We only tackle one goal or can we tackle two goals for the next 6 months or 12 months? That makes sense? Oh my gosh. No, this is so helpful. I because it's just so much more achievable than like what I'm thinking which is like what is my money future? All these different ways that you're just saying look at the money and let it talk to you kind of like all we need to know is what's this? What are the debts? What's the income that we have coming in? I mean, I guess there is like you said there's the assets and liabilities and you can look at all that but even that part like really need to know the value of the car and all those things early on like really we just need to know sort of what's the general budget. What's our operating cost is a family at the moment. What coming in what needs to go out? What do we need to pay if we have any debts and then that's really going to help you with the next goal. You don't need to have like all of your goals for your whole future. Just what's the next goal that makes sense given the situation right now exactly exactly that exactly and in even I would I would even add something else Kayla before we start talking about goals to have the conversation based and this is also a little bit of a another sensitive area that is hard for people to even get to and people often skip to talk about values. See what happens is I feel like Financial conversations are really A values-based conversation and financial statements really represent what we value and we often don't spend money or invest money in the things that we value. So when you get to a point where you can talk to your spouse about, you know, I value a large family that's really like, you know, or I value charity. That's so important to me or I I think or together right? We want to get to a place where we're together, but we have to share individually first kind of where we're coming from right, but it might be that you guys decide That you value living overseas and you think that that is something so amazing and you would love to do it when your kids are little right, so that's great. I mean that's that's your value then now you can set a financial plan to achieve that how are we going to map out our income and our expenses for the next I don't know year or two so that we can achieve our dream of moving overseas, you know, and and why is this important because as we go through life Get there, then we can hold each other accountable and rather than saying. Oh you spent too much this month. You say remember we have but that gold that we want to move overseas by I don't know 2020 why whatever let's work on it together. We're a little bit steering off the path. What do we need to do to reassess so that we're on track for what we want and so it's a different conversation because we're not we're coming from a place of something that we value together and we want to achieve together. Yeah, that's great. Great. I love that and I think it's it can be hard sometimes when we're in a peer group that's very similar to us because some of these things which really are our values. Like I know that for you Jewish Education is a big value and you invest in private Jewish schools. Your kids can have the education that you want and that's something that can be almost taken for granted. If you're in a peer group where everyone is sending to a Jewish Day School, right or your son are in a peer group where everyone let's say eats out a lot at nice restaurants, right? Be anything or they travel every year everyone goes on a big vacation then taking that step back and saying, okay, where does this fit into my value system? Yeah, and then if I'm doing it, then I'm doing it from so much more of a place of empowerment and the enthusiasm about it and it then I also might say, you know, what actually travel is really fun. But in this phase of my life, there's a different thing that I'm interested in or no food eating out a delicious food is an important thing to us and it's something we really love to do together and we do want to have money set aside for that because it brings us a lot of happiness. Right. So a hundred percent about that a hundred percent. We want to make these financial decisions together from a place of knowing ourselves what our values are what our priorities are rather than just default because everybody in our community in our peer group, you know goes out to eat all the time. That's just kind of by default what we do because if we took a step back, maybe we might realize know I actually would like to be a homeowner and I would love to be spending and you know eating out my be cool, but Up that important to us, you know or it might be whatever the choice is. It's very very personable. We want to be intentional about those choices. Oh and a big one that comes up for me that I hear a lot is women who you know their very dedicated to their career and then they have their first child and they're like, nope. I'm not going back. I really want to be home with this baby and a lot of them are very surprised by that. They're very taken aback by their own reaction. It's not true for all women for some for many women working is a wonderful thing for them when they have component. But for some women, they're very surprised all of a sudden it just shifts and they're like I want to be home and that is for sure a value of conversation that's going to affect the finances right a hundred percent a hundred percent. And if you're having those conversations and you're and you're in a place where having money conversations happens often between the in the relationship, then you're so much more comfortable having those hard conversations about you know, what? I thought I wanted to go back to work, but this is not going to work for me. Let's reassess and see how we can make it work financially and it's going to be you're going to be much more comfortable talking to your husband about this. You also know like you'll know why that might be hard for him or you'll my yes, what resistance is he might have so you can sort of be there with him and and understand him and supporting exactly exactly, right? Okay. Wow. All right. So what do you think is the number one, but how can we just talk budgeting for one second? Like sure I did have I had Jen Yeltsin on up. Episode 21 she talked about zero based budgeting so she gave us a basic overview, but I know that not everybody is listen to every single episode. So I'm curious about you know, if you recommend this as well, if you think this is a good idea to do the zero based budget and you know just in general how newlyweds because I know for myself maybe even just using my own example my own experience too much but in my experience, I really didn't do any serious budgeting until I got married and that was really when I started to look at it and go we what are we supposed to do is this is going to On Excel is there some app for this this is really important. So for people who haven't really gotten into budgeting yet. What do you recommend to get started this? So the first thing is yeah there has you know, it has good to get yourself in some sort of financial plan love whether you want to call it a budget a financial plan something right and some people might like apps like mint there's so many there are so many apps that are available YNAB. Yes wind up is a great one. Actually or there's just good old Excel, right? But the idea is to know what's coming in no one's going out because that's going to inform how you're going to go about your goals. Right? And if even even if we take a step back for your listeners, I would say that one of the things that you know early on in your marriage you want to look at is yeah. You want to know what's happening with your day-to-day expenses. What they are. How much is how much is life costing and how much? You bring in but also you want to start building, you know, maybe some emergency savings and you want to know if you're able to do that. And if you don't map out your your income and your expenses, then you're not even then. You can't you can't get to a place to know how much you're going to be saving. Does that make sense? You can't even move anything over to the days account. Daddy know if it's if it's extra exactly exactly so definitely and if and if and if you're starting from a place where like you described before where you've never budget a before And I'm with you like I remember as a single person. My father used to tell me you have to have a budget you have to and I was I had so much resistance Kayla and I never had a budget and you know, and I never learned and I kind of had to learn the hard way later on when I got married is so important to kind of start learning what your experience habits are around. You know, how do you spend and how much are you spending and that's that tracking your expenses. It's going to be super super helpful amazing. Okay, and so I went other question about money dates and then I know we're starting to run low on time. But what I really like about this and I think is what you're saying is we're coming together as a couple and we're talking about our goals and we're making decisions together. But then what happens when we go into the week like I know in our relationship, I really when we are budgeting since we just moved Ezra I'm still getting used to shackles. Like I've really been off the wagon for a little bit but I'm on the wagon off the wagon whatever is the bad one and but historically I was the one who would go through and I would make sure the budget was up-to-date and I would categorize. Has all our expenses and he sort of managed more of the making sure their 401k and like all those we really had kind of a division of responsibility in that way. Is that how should it be divided? Like is it fine for one person to kind of manage more of it if that's what fits for the couple or is does it also need to be split throughout the time between these sessions? So I would say two things. First of all, you just answered your own question. It is fine to do it the way it works for both of you as Long ass it's been mutually agreed and it's fine if it shifts over time, which is also part of what you were saying is in your situation. I just stopped doing my job. That's right. Okay, so then that's something to talk about right and Opeth but it could be that what you guys need for. The next six months is Kayla is still I'm still not getting used to this new monetary system in Israel. And I have other things on my plate. Could we you know, could we shift is it? Possible for you to take a little bit of the day-to-day Bill responsibilities. And I you know, I mean like it's okay. It used to be at the beginning of my marriage. My husband took care of the I can't remember it was the big picture and I did the day today then we shift and he did the day today and I did all the retirement accounts and investment accounts and then we've come to a place where we like doing it together. And I know it's not for everybody but like it just feels really right we sit together and of our money dates are really nuts and bolts paying bills and buying airplane tickets for our kids who have to come home or fly somewhere just the little things and yeah, I'm probably more still the one who checks on the retirement accounts and make sure the contributions, you know, I checked that stuff my husband kind of delegates that to me, but then you know, I report back, you know what I mean, but it's become a lot more cohesive like mutual and that's Sense, so you have to find what works for each other but this is why this is so important because if you're communicating regularly around money, then you can shift as life gets busy or you know, you might be you might have two little babies and you really it has to shift because that's just where you are in life, right? Yeah, you know, right so it have this time set aside. You have a chance to talk about it and not in place of like it's urgent and it's a problem right now, but eggs or you forgot to put you forgot to pay the Bills and it was responsible. Right? We don't want to get there. We want to be in a place. Right? Exactly. We want to be in a place where it says we can say, you know what it's like it's not working. Maybe we'd do it together. Maybe you take this man, you know what I mean? Like, so I think that's a very important. That's great. And I think also just this again coming back to this idea of the regularity of it, right then we so much sometimes want to shy away from the things that make us uncomfortable and early on for some people. This is an uncomfortable subject. Maybe we never had a good Model for talking about money, even if it's simply your parents didn't do it in front of you, right? It could be worse than that, but it could just be that that wasn't a conversation that you were carrying to eavesdrop on, you know, and here we're putting it seems like if it's uncomfortable or if it doesn't go. Well we should avoid it but really it's the opposite it needs more time for you to learn how to have these conversations and how to communicate about it. And obviously if it's really really not working and it's really toxic you can have these conversations with a therapist. You can have those conversations with a coach so You can sort of help guide you even a personal probably a financial planner could even help moderate a conversation like this if it's really a struggle, but for most people it's the it's the Rarity of the conversation that causes the problem. Yes, right? Yes. Yes. And sometimes it is like you said important to bring a third objective party on board to kind of help mediate that those conversations but so that you can get to a place where you can understand each other and keep having them on your own and And that's okay. Right these these are things that can be like there are solutions there if it's not working like let's just move on. Okay, you can just you can just call a spade a spade. Okay, we're not we're not successful right now. We're not having these conversations away. We want to so what's the next step for us? Maybe that next step is to bring somebody else in who can help us navigate this a little better because the money is not going to go away. At least we hope not right we wanted to say so, you know, we want to sort of find a way for it to be really into greater than healthy in our relationship. This is such a great idea. And you know, if you're bringing chocolate along what could go wrong all the better exactly exactly. And if I could give a few words of motivations to the listeners around this area is you know to leave them with some encouragement because I know I know I can seem like what I have to talk about money with my husband like what just hit me here. No, but really, you know, I think one of the keys to this exercise is to celebrate the wins, you know. Sometimes we're so focused on goals and this can get so, you know kind of heavy or Technical and we forget that you know, what we even having a money date even having a healthy conversation is something to give yourself a hug over and to you know, just cheer yourself on Wow, you know, we're communicating around money or look we paid down or credit card, which is something that we set out to do three or four months ago or a year ago. That's okay, whatever what? For those those small wins are make sure you're celebrating them. Make sure your your cheering book each, you know each other along. I think that's so so important and being grateful that you're there for each other and then you're taking the steps to understand each other and to build a financial life together, you know a life together, but one that obviously involves your finances, right? This is this is important and also to have patience that you mentioned this before because money dates they take practice. If they take time, but the it's really such a wonderful tool. I love it. I love it. This is so great. Oh my gosh. I am so hoping that people we should just have people like bite take pictures of their I know many dates and hashtag money day seriously tigers in there. I want to see everyone doing this and I'm going to try. Okay. Yeah. Well, I'm going to try and have a money date before this podcast is published. Yay. Let's see if my husband had is that out? She's like, nope. You know what Kayla I find that you people might be surprised but the husband's might be really really open to do anything. Sure. Yeah, right because it's so helpful. It's so helpful to put some time aside and also in some cases in some cases one person is really bearing the brunt of the responsibility. Yeah, and if it's the husband and then you're coming to your husband you're saying, you know, I want to see what I want to see what's going on and I want to see if there's something that I should be doing differently. Lior that I could be helping with, you know, that's that's quite a gift there. Yep, a hundred percent a hundred wheezing. Okay. Yeah l so you created a PDF for our listeners. Can you tell us about that? Yes, so I created a PDF that you can download were, you know gives you what we talked about with a little bit more details so that you were you know, prepared and ready to start having your money dates. It's a guide to a money date and you'll have also ideas of the things that you want to discuss during those dates and you know read through it. Download it read through it and then approach your husband and said say, you know, I think would be great. If you know we set out some time to get together and talk about our money and I really think you're going to be successful at this and like you said before very often. It's the husbands who are carrying a lot of the burden. They're very relief to know that we want to be involved and to know that we want to contribute that we want to we don't want to be in the dark. Thank you. Oh my gosh. Thank you for creating this PDF first of all because That was a lot. It was a lot of different steps and they're all helpful and they're all important to me don't want to forget them. So I think that that is a huge huge gift to just be able to have that right in front of you can kind of look at it and see how your you know, what you need to remember what you want to include. So that's going to be a Jewish Latin princess.com forward slash money date, but I'm going to make sure to link that in the show notes also, so if you don't have a chance to write it down just go to the show notes later and and I'll have the link to that PDF. Thank you so much for creating that. Awesome. Yeah, my my absolute pleasure. Okay, any final parting words of wisdom for our listeners? Well, the final thing that I would love to say is first of all, I'm excited that your listeners are are here in this platform learning so much from you and that you've added this to their arsenal of amazing things that they can do to, you know to build and very healthy marriage and then to your listeners is to remember that to lead this conversations with your Values with what's really important to the both of you and remember always that you're doing this because you're number one value is your marriage not your money, but your marriage and that's why you're having money dates. Yes. Oh my gosh. Number one is the marriage. I love that. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'll for coming on for sharing all this with us for giving us these resources. I think this is going to be a huge game changer for a lot of women. I hope it don't have a clear clear steps to take to focus on their on their money in their relationship. So Overcoming on I hope it is and I thank you for doing this. Okay, great. Thank you, bye-bye. Okay, you guys I hope you enjoyed that interview as much as I did and now it's time for my horrible confession. I had committed to going on my first money date before this had the air and we haven't done it yet. So I'm going to get that booked today with my husband and we're gonna try to do this. I don't know why it's so hard. I I'd love to hear from you guys how your experience is you find it to be difficult or you able to just jump right in I love the idea, and it's so easy to feel too busy for things. Sometimes if you want more on that go check out episode 2 why you don't have enough time. Maybe it's time for me to do my own new zero-based calendar. Okay have an amazing week everyone. Thanks so much for tuning in and I'll see you back here next week. Bye. Bye.
Get Yael's free Money Dates PDF at jewishlatinprincess.com/moneydate This week I had the pleasure of inviting Yael Trusch, host of Jewish Latin Princess who is sharing the amazing concept of Money Dates. Yael has a background in finance and is now an author and inspirational speaker, so she brings the vision from one world to the practical of the other! Money is one of the main sources of stress for couples, and often we struggle to have these conversations. While the impulse may be to avoid these conversations, Yael shows us how carving out the time actually helps make it easier to discuss money. And it's not just about counting dollars. Yael brings in values, vision, and dreams, and shows us how the way we spend our money can become a reflection of our deepest values. So what's a money date? A money date is specific time you carved out in the calendar to speak about your finances. Yael suggests discussing it on a global level first--what lessons did you learn from your family? How has your experience with money been so far?--and then gradually adding in budgeting, investing, and planning. Follow Yael at www.jewishlatinprincess.com and on Instagram @jewishlatinprincess Download the free PDF: www.jewishlatinprincess.com/moneydate 