this episode of Molly's minutes is sponsored by depop depop is the Community Marketplace app where creatives come to buy sell and discover the most unique items from around the world for many of us including myself fashion is a form of expression a way to tell a story of who we are how we are feeling and what we stand for whether you want to shock Inspire Rebel or just experiment depop gives you the space to do just that without breaking the bank or the planet download the app for IOS and Android now or head to depop.com to get started. Hmm. Hello guys and welcome back to Molly's minutes, which is like the most awkward name I cringe every time I say it but here we are it's catchy. And so this is actually going to be pre-recording this this is going to be the final episode of my podcast. Yeah. Yeah. So this is the this is the scene season finale of the second season. I'm going to Write it up again. But and I thought I would end it how I want to start and go forward with the third season. I wanted to be educational and storytelling and because I've just kind of decided that that's where I'm best at. So hopefully that can go ahead all good. And but today I'm here with Alyssa. Hello, and we're going to be talking about something that like, I've tried to find someone to talk about this for so long. Long, but no, I'm not answer me answer me. Yeah, so we're going to be talking about polyamory and just generally relationships because it's not every like, I don't know that's what it's all about really isn't it? And so introduce yourself. So if you will I am Alyssa, I'm 21, and I have been like aware of polyamory since like My late teens maybe like 17 or so and I've like come to realize that I just don't really care for like the imposed system of monogamy. That means of course, we don't know what that means like one man and one woman in a relationship or as we've gotten more accepting of lgbtq individuals like T women to men whatever just to and commitment and exclusive and Fidelity and I'm not really about that and I've discovered that in my past few years. And what made you discover it that like, what was your journey with us? Um, I don't know like I kind of like I realized when I had my first relationship like most of my teenage years. I just really really really wanted a girlfriend. I came I pretty young and I just really wanted to date a girl and have like a girl to like, you know, like do all the nice relationship be things with and when that actually happened to me I was like completely overwhelmed and like I didn't feel like I was doing anything right and I like felt like I couldn't say things. Like one of the things that really like struck me about it was like you're not supposed to say that you fancy other people like when you're watching TV and you're like, oh they're really hot. Like my girlfriend at the time would be like, I can't believe you just said that that's like personally offensive to me and I was like, oh is this like a thing? I have to like suppress and myself now like I have to like say the right thing. Yeah and like just have thoughts and yeah, I was like, I just I don't get this and like just having like it was very demanding and I had to like See them pretty regularly and like I just I just felt really off about the whole thing. And I was just pretty happy when I was like done with and I was like, I think I need to just like realize like I was just trying to figure out like why it didn't work out or whatever and then when I came to college I was like, I think I just want to do like lots of people more so than like focus on just one person the whole time and because I feel like it's a bit limiting or something. Yeah, and when you when you're talking about that are you Men, like say like having like a long-distance like relationships with the few different people. We're like seeking that like in the long term. Yeah. Yeah for sure. Like I generally feel like long-distance relationships work kind of best for me as much as they're like difficult at times like right now. I'm in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend Adam who I will probably mention consistently because he's like a big part of my life and I love him. Hmm. Shout out to Adam listening you Yeah, so like I've been in a relationship with him for a year now and like we've never lived in the same vicinity of each other like we went on a big holiday together in that was like about it and like I just feel like I have more time for like myself and I feel like a lot of the time when you talk about polyamory people are like, how do you have the time? How do you have the time but at the same time when you have like a monogamous relationship you have to make time for your partner will people don't realize that you also have to make time with the relationship you have with yourself. Mmm, I'm like, you're still making time for more than one person because your whole life gone Center and one person or else it's like an unhealthy dependency, but it's nice to have like someone like I find with my long-distance relationship. My main one is that I'm like just happy that I have time to myself but then really grateful when I have time with him and you can just figure it out. Yeah go along exactly. It doesn't have to be like, oh, it's Tuesday. Got to see my significant other you for six hours. I don't know who I'm gonna we're talking about this before. Is that like This is what works for you. Yeah. Yeah, like I'm totally not speaking on behalf of like even like poly people in general. It's so so so diverse and like there's so many different like you're talking about that Louis through documentary and or was it in the vice documentary? I can't remember what it was like they were showing their in a class to exclude describing polyamory. And oh, yeah, that was the vice one. Yeah, the triangles and the like squares and her like they're all interrelated. And yeah, like I said shaped one where it's like three people but it's they're not connected or whatever. I'm like, I can't really like see that in my life with my poly friends and in myself either. I'm like, it's more like an individual at the center and then like branching off things from there and seeing how you feel and just like meeting new people and like getting to know them and not necessarily having like an expectation of you're going to be my third girlfriend. Yeah, whatever like that doesn't I mean like I'm struggling to find like one girlfriend. So like I really can't imagine having like three Awards and maybe I know I think as humans, I don't know if it's the way we were brought up or like our obsession with numbers are what it is or like structures that we like want to find a reasoning and a structure within everything that you do for sure. But like life I sound like such a But everyone knows this but life isn't I think that has structure? No, absolutely not. Like I'm all of her attempt as humans to Port like binaries and shoes on things is like totally just a waste of time and silly but it's just for ourselves. Yeah, it's not it's to make us feel safe and like yeah chiral but we don't have control over anything. Yeah. I just find that kind of I find that kind of I didn't know if it would be like weird of me to say I found that kind of strange when she was like If you haven't watched a guys it's actually a is I'd say it's like 50 minutes long. It's on YouTube and a documentary on YouTube by slut ever. Is that one slide ever on Yeah by Vice and basically they're in this poly. I would say I think it's like a panel. Yeah, and they're like drawing out these different shapes of had different ways. You can be polyamorous which I thought was kind of can't counter intuitive and productive to like a the message that all that they were putting a cross because it's like Like it's putting structure on something where it's like you're meant to be leaving room because if you start talking too much about your own experience in the place of other experiences, like it is a really really diverse like community and people like all have different relationships just her like relationships between any two individuals is like completely different depending on like the yeah Asians or whatever like even if you think about like a series of like monogamous relationships like you got different things and have like different. Experiences in each one so you can't like oversimplify the whole thing and it's like the last thing I would want to do like speaking is like make assumptions about other people or make like if you're listening to this and then finish it and we're like, oh I totally understand polyamory. Yeah. I can relate to any this is Julie. I'm we're cruising. This is literally just my experience. Yeah, like how I feel it suits me best but there's probably loads of people who have like six wives or like, you know, a boyfriend and a husband or like a girlfriend and a A wife or whatever but like it's just kind of hard to predict. Yeah, what's gonna happen or how it's going to go with anything? Yeah, you shouldn't go into anything that expectations is my like belief on it. Hmm. Definitely at there's actually some point I want to make just like before we move on. Is that like we talked about polyamory. We're not talking about like I think like polygamy is like, oh, yeah. Yeah. We're like marriage. Yeah, that's what marriage and like maybe if you have in your head of a man with like seven wives in Religious situation that's not what we're talking about. I mean, I hope that you would get that by now, but just in case but how did you kind of did you have to do you feel like you needed to come out as I am Polly owes? It would the next person you dated where you just like look I think this is the situation. Yeah. This is like, I've always liked being super upfront with people. That I'm dating for sure that I'm like, oh, I'm potty. I'm not really gonna be able to like if you're looking for someone who's going to be like your one and only or whatever like, you know, that's not me and if you want to keep getting to know me despite that or if you know or because of that or whatever like we can go ahead and no expectations. Just keep hanging out or whatever, but I've never really property like come out come out to like my family or friends like a lot of my friends kind of no because I have like a big mouth and I love just like telling Liberate my life on. Yeah, I'm like, oh, it's so full of Gossip. Everybody wants to hear all my like. Hey, I actually want to hear it anyway for like I haven't like because the default is monogamy. So people think like, oh my family have met my boyfriend and they all loved him. But like they have no awareness that like say I'm like going on dates with other people and if I did it start getting more serious with someone else like they wouldn't I don't know how I would like That to them where you say like, oh, by the way, I'm bringing my boyfriend for dinner. But is it cool if my girlfriend comes along to I like I don't know how it would work and I haven't like encounter that situation yet because it is like like bisexuality in a way. It's like unless it's immediately visual like visible people make the assumption that it's Like they make the assumption that what is immediately visible is what it is. So if they see like a bisexual person like a bisexual woman with a man, they assume like a straight couple or if they see a bisexual woman with a lesbian or with another woman, whatever they may be they assume like lesbian couple or whatever it goes on like so same of polyamory, like people see me and Adam are boyfriend girlfriend. And that's the assumption is that like that's it. But like unless you ask questions or like Take an interest in it. Then you probably won't know like anything further. But then at the same time do they really need to know or is it like my business? Exactly? Yeah. It's kind of hard though to know. Yeah for sure. A lot of the times people make the assumption that like if I try and talk to him about polyamory and like me dating other people or whatever like if I'm like maybe going on a date with someone new and I'm like, oh my God, I'm so excited for all of that. Like people think that it means that I want to like immediately go into loads of details about my sex life. Life and that's like not what I want to do. Well, even though of course it is good to talk about sex and we probably don't talk about sex half and half and that's also my belief. Yeah, but like if I'm just talking about something and I could totally innocent contacts. Yeah, that's 30 min that I want to like / share as for crazy details of like new fairies lifestyle choices or whatever like if you came across someone they're like, oh I'm just like ordering pizza with my boyfriend tonight. You wouldn't be like and then what are you going to do? The first assumption is like totally sexualize it when like more than anything else like for me. Anyway, it's about like just meeting new people and like being able to encounter people without like a predetermined expectation of your relationship to them and predetermined by the relationships that you have before that as well or at the same time as that. Yeah, if you get me yeah and how have you experienced dating since since you have been in a relationship? Ship of like one year like I don't know. I genuinely feel like the queer women Community is like something that's very Under represented but also like in general like it's so small and also hard to like getting two for a lot of people like there's I genuinely feel like there's an awful lot of bisexuals out there who are like in the closet and I think it's really funny when people do that like classic bisexual myth of saying like Oh by people are just saying there by for clarity of retention or whatever that's like such a thing and it's cool in school. Anyone who? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I like that's why I came out as a Being first is because I literally was like people I know that I'm into women and I knew that and I was like, but people won't take me seriously if I say, I'm bisexual. I knew that even when I was like 14 15, like mmm and like to this day I still like struggle with her to agree because people fully don't take it seriously at all. And like I feel like it's my duty to be like, hey, I'm here. I'm bisexual and there's nothing wrong with it and you don't have to like change your identity to fit like the relationship you're in because so many people do and I understand why they do it. but it makes like it makes it really difficult to date in the queer women seeing because there's so much gatekeeping where they think like, I was even reading an article the other day and they were saying like, oh, I support bisexuals bisexuals deserve respect and support except the ones who have Festival threesomes or a cheeky kiss with a girl on a night out and I'm like, okay, so you're still gatekeeping and you're still dismissing people because if a woman willing to do that, A certain context where she feels safe but isn't willing to do it in your LGBT seen dating scene that you've created whose fault is that hers or yours that you've created this like scene where she feels like uncomfortable in but also is there no room for just like experimentation. Yeah. Yeah, apparently not like that's the problem and so many by people at such like a silent thing for so many people so it's only really like the out and loud like gay men and lesbians who were like talking about it because Cuz like as soon as you come out as bisexual people totally dismiss it right away. And then if you end up in a relationship with one of the other eager to seem to be the other way and like that's what I was saying that bisexuals are doing it for cloud, but actually lesbians who have maybe had relationships with men in the past at times are maybe denying that part of themselves for clout instead or like people who are in straight relationships are like denying a past part of themselves. Like I was talking to a guy recently who was like I was trying to about We're because I just kind of read him as the hmm and he was like, oh, I'm actually straight and I was like, oh really? I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make the Assumption and then he was like, oh, but I've been with men though, and I was like, then you're probably not just like if you have like thought to go into this like, you know experimentation or whatever like you're probably on the Spectrum somewhere and you don't have to like cut off that part of you to fit into a box that isn't you like yeah the box of bisexuality exists. What? It's so like stigmatized and nobody wants to actually identify as it out loud. I feel like nobody but I feel like as well with the like bisexual label like say for instance that guy like he might genuinely just want to get with women has like experimented but Experimentation and bisexuality you're so annoying to like put in the same kind of yaks because that's what people think. Yeah that bisexual people are doing. So that is like a huge sap. Yeah to well that's see it's hard. Like I can't really speak for people but I can I can imagine and from my friends experience. Yes, and I actually have a podcast that's called my before this now it hasn't while recording this but it will of and with A friend of mine who's bisexual at like about this kind of topic like being taken seriously Etc. But yeah, it's just like interesting. But like when you go on to say Tinder because you said you had to do that's awesome your experience being Poly on Tinder, like a lot of the times people really don't know what it is and everybody. Yeah, no for sure. Like I've been like texting people and I've been like oh by the way, like, I know I says it says it in my bio, but just so you know like I'm Polly and R like oh I know it says in your bio, but I don't know what the heck it ain't your name was poly ya ya don't like people a lot of people don't know what it means. And then like I said, it's like some girls where I've been like. Oh like I'm I have a boyfriend but like right now I'm only dating women because that's like where I want to put my energy or whatever because I already have one man's and I'm happy with that and they're like, whoa, that sounds like an ideal situation. How did you like sort that out? And I'm like just works like I'd it's not like a matter of like maybe lighting life to leave what it is because we all have control over our lives but it's not like some little like Lifehacker. Yeah. Here's something that only I can get away with like you can do it to anyone can do it if you want to but it's such a taboo thing that everyone's like, oh I have to do I have to do things this way or whatever and them they don't realize that there's like another option but then as well like the classic Tinder experience that every Queer woman on Tinder gasses like just constantly running into like Coppola cans I4 X which is tell me more about this because I'd heard of it like literally a few days ago and I was like what? Yeah, so like basically it's like a cool people who would like identify themselves as being like, This is the thing again. It's like dismissing a gatekeeping of bisexuality. So it's usually like a bisexual woman and a straight man and the straight man and they've just kind of decided like I want to find a woman and sometimes they're referred to as unicorns because they're so hard to find like the perfect woman who'll have a threesome with you and your boyfriend like obviously because he wants to have a threesome with you and you're like Melody boyfriend. Like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I feel bad Haiti, but like A lot of them are seriously. I'm like, I just I don't get it like and and there they've made their Tinder profile together female. Yeah. Yeah. So they've like entered their gender is female. So as to like one day out bisexual women who will like it fit their idea of a bisexual woman in their head and we're like fulfill their fantasy of a bisexual woman. Hmm But I like using their girlfriends Tinder account or whatever but like usually it's like the girls Tinder account. It like one picture of the man like tagged on the end maybe or like sometimes it just fully like doesn't say it at all and you're like five messages in with someone and they're like, oh by the way, I have a boyfriend. So would you be interested in meeting both of us for drinks or whatever and like okay. How's that different to potty? Yeah. Exactly. You see that's kind of what I do. But I'm yeah every like introduce like I would never be like, oh come on a date with me and my boyfriend specifically so we can so see you out with the intention of particular sex act and yeah because that is so presumptuous. So like route like I would much rather hang out with a girl by myself first and if I feel like she would get along with my boyfriend and she be comfortable with that then we can all hang out and yeah cool or like if she wants to hang out with just my boyfriend next time and not me like I don't care either. Yeah, like whatever but like it's just when you have like a specific thing in mind, it reduces everything down to like a purity sexual thing which isn't what it should be or what it is for me. Anyway. Yeah, and I like it's really frustrating. This is Is it something that we talked about earlier which I find really interesting. Is that like do you still think that there is there can be cheating in polyamorous relationships? Well, yeah. It's like it's kind of more about the like what's the issue is cheating for your polyamorous people is the the lying and the hiding rather than like the act itself. So like I couldn't care less if someone I was going out with would sleep with someone else as long as not even that they would have to tell me about it afterwards specifically, but if I They wouldn't lie to me about it or if I like like if I called up and I was like, oh so what are you up to for the weekend? Oh, nothing nothing like that sounds really sketchy and weird. Like you can just tell me that you're going on a date or whatever. I don't care or but like it is the hiding thing and like telling lies and keeping like have a like imagine finding like text on someone's phone or whatever. Like that's what I always hear from like monogamous people who catch their like boyfriend or husband or whatever cheating and they're like, oh my God, I found all these messages like hundreds of messages to this girl and I'm like that much actually be so heartbreaking and I totally get that because it's like they've established this relationship like completely with you and establishing boundaries. Yeah, exactly and you've liked it's just like it really does upset me and it said to me as well because people Who feel the need to cheat and to be with other people and to be non-monogamous like unethically as it were hmm, like I don't understand it because I'm like there is another way like you can just actually be honest. You can just talk about it and you can figure it out and if it's not what the other person wants and whatever but you can't like lie to people and say like, oh, I'm perfectly capable of being monogamous but keep like consistently cheating and screwing them over like I don't know yet is such a good point get it like I'm like if you Feel the need to go with other people then just be upfront about it like - actually like imagine so many. Girls on guys I actually I was about to say guys but actually a some of the worst cheaters. I know girls. Yeah, and I can imagine so many people being like Oh my God polyamorous like wash but there and they're like people who cheat all the time. Yeah. I'm just thinking about that. Like I've never actually made that connection because I've heard the term ethical non-monogamy. Yeah, but now thinking of like what I've never thought about on ethical Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, I'm like shaking my boots. I'm glad because it made that makes so much sense. Like if you can't sustain I don't want to tell people how to live their lives. But if you are hurting people, yeah unlike it then maybe it is maybe this is something like I think people people associate different relationships and I say different I mean different to the like societal I'm like when I agree people associate like different relationship Styles even like my dad lives in London and he commutes home and he has done for 25 years. And I people in my primary school used to be like, oh her parents are like they're not actually together. They just pretend to be together. So I would like isn't true. Yeah and I like even that like people were like, oh this is so yeah, it can't and it's literally the most anyway, but I feel like when people He like how do I say that's like say for polyamory when people here by polyamory, they don't actually think about it like the concept. Yeah, they just like dismisses straight away. And yeah, I probably done that in the past as well and like fair enough like even as like a bisexual person. I've like taught and felt some of like the most vicious lie biphobic things in the world and like I have like so much in trench like monogamous culture in my head that I have to like undo and same like when we're men we have to like basically like Unlearn hating ourselves like all the time. I'm like, it's the same with like just anything that deviates from the social Norm. You have to like spend all this time, like fighting back against like the whole oppressive environment. That's like the whole society being like no you have to do it this way where you don't like we're all just individuals and community in control of our whole life. Like my motto is like you can't have your cake and eat it too. Like why can't you yeah can just have your cake and eat it too. Yeah. I have to choose between anything. Yeah, even when I was a kid, I used to watch like rom-coms and stuff and I'd be like Why are the two guys fighting over the girl? Why can't they just like you've come up with some sort of a solution here? Like there's got to be like a solution. Why does she have to choose nearly? No. She she has to choose between her two loaves and I'm like why I couldn't like even as a kid, I was like does not compute like this is there's no reason for this. Yeah. Okay. Well, we're going to take a quick break and then we will come back. Thank you. We are back and we are actually just talking about How there's a lot of documentaries being made by polyamory and just like in general. I feel like relationships the moment new ways of living and even though they're not new ways. They're just like people are just being more open about it or because but we are saying that like a lot of these taught. How would you describe it what we're saying in a nutshell like basically that a lot of documentaries about this subject tend to make it a bit of a spectacle. Kle and make it seem a lot more extreme and crazy than it is for the purpose of entertainment, which is completely understandable because it's an entertaining medium and like I get that but it's definitely not like an accurate representation of like the reality of polyamory, which is mostly just like Chillin. Oh, yeah not going to like panel discussions or like cuddle meditation speed dating all the time. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like if you if you did. A documentary on monogamy you probably like run out of things pretty quickly. No, you probably like film like husband that was like cheating on his wife of 25 years. You'd like feel more like the extremes. Yeah Rama that's like completely understandable. But like medium, I feel like it because it isn't the norm and people don't understand it as much that's where they're getting their primary information from. Yeah. Yeah for sure and I like I'm actually He got smacked by like the hot take that you've presented me with that isn't even a hot take but that a lot of people live. I'm not going to say polyamorous because like from you and from like my what I've learned so far what I hope I'm like right is that like polyamorous is like ethical like all of my communications but like they live like a non-monogamous life like I'm most likely I'd say like I'd say it's 5050. Yeah, probably I don't even know but and so like that's the first thing I think whenever I hear like if someone says to me, oh like X y&z girl is in a relationship with her boyfriend for five years, but he lives over in America. I like the first thing I think is I fucking hope he's not doing the dirt on her. Yeah. I really hope he's not doing the dirt on her because like depended like I'm thinking of a specific incident. I'd never met either of them before but I just knew that this girl. She was property in love with him like and would not even dream of cheating. But like the first thing I thought was like is he over here for in Faraway land like cheating because that's all I hear like when people go away and I'm like like I'm planning on going away. Once I'm finished University. Unlike I have no worries about my boyfriend getting rid of people and all my family keep asking me this like, what's Adam going to do when you're away and I'm like, we're just going to keep like living our lives like it's just going to go on. I don't have anything to worry about I don't feel like insecure about what Is going to be happening. Well, I'm away or well we're in different places because it's just like our lives happening independently to each other because not everything has to be like a mesh all the time. And at the same time you could say that like a lot of my family wouldn't have ever taken it as seriously like when I had a girlfriend and wouldn't have ever asked me these questions of like, how is your relationship going to be affected by your future when I was with a girl but they'll ask you when I'm with a guy at the same time because marriage is kind of on the process exactly and they're like, even though you obviously can get married either way. Like it's bizarre. Like it's such a shift in attitudes like interesting. Yeah, but that's that's something that like I obviously want to cover like the it I didn't want it to be the first or second or third or fourth question. I wanted to ask because it's all people ever ask but when people say don't you get jealous? Yeah. What do you say like, this is just me. I know that in all of like the polyamory documentaries. Everyone says like jealousy is a human emotion and everyone's been to feel it. You just have to like work it out or whatever. / what I genuinely like in my life like most things I've been jealous about I've been like Material goods are like, I don't know like the fact that like, I don't know like I had x y and z type of family or upbringing or whatever and this person. I'd like a really nice big house or whatever like something stupid like this when I was a kid or like when I was younger, but I genuinely I don't think I've ever like I've never had an experience of being like viciously so jealous because it's something that our partners doing or not doing or I've heard that they've done or whatever like I've never felt like that. Kind of like raging jealousy that you see in like, I don't know rom coms are your friends I contain that I yeah, I monitors I used to not. Yeah, like I I have only been in a monogamous relationships, but like I used to but it was warranted and previous things. But like I used to like have just like fire in my stomach the whole time like it's not good for the game. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just be like I just I couldn't actually be be like happy. I don't know like I just like if I did have that I obviously I wouldn't be happy in the relationship that I have and in like the approach that I have but I didn't like it. I haven't experienced yet. And I know I'm 21 like I'm young. I'm not like saying that I've experienced all the widely world has to give me enough in the future. I probably will get like viciously jealous over something or another but like my partners have been all really good to me and haven't really given me a reason to feel jealous. Mmm. So like Hi genuinely like and I really don't mind if any of my partners because other people are get with other people. It's not it doesn't like caused me to feel jealous is like the physical thing or anything. Yeah, like I don't have it in me and say okay like that. This is like so person would say like you were like, okay. I'm going on a date and you're here and your boyfriend lives away. Like what's that? What's your kind of like what what's your boundaries with for yourself? And like how you communicate to others? Yeah, like so what's going on with me and my like personal set up right now is that I'm in as I said like a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend my long-term boyfriend for a year now and at the same time I'm like on Tinder and like actively like trying to go to a lot of like queer events and I'm like pretty involved in like the LGBT community and I'm like viciously like aggressive about it. I'm like you guys aren't kicking me out just because I have a boyfriend. I'm still bisexual. There's a being LGBT. I'm not going nowhere. I don't care like what the sexy You're my partner is like I'm still going to all these gay Vans wearing my rainbow flag and like that's my my general perogative. And honestly when I like when I actually do get to go on a date with a girl I got like really excited and I like basically tell them right away and I'm like, oh my God. Guess what? I was thinking is like you're laughing texting. Oh, we're going on a date. We're gonna hang out. I'm like so excited or whatever. This is gonna be really embarrassing. No Anna gets laid back. I know but like yeah, I just and then I'll be like because I'm a pretty vicious texture like I text only much all the time same and like when when my boyfriend goes away for a few hours or like we have like totally different sleeping schedules. I'm like totally an early riser and he sleeps late and I like go to sleep really early and he stays up late. So like a lot of the time it's like he was last active say 12 hours ago. Like I go crackers if I didn't have like someone to text of ours board like I'm like just sitting here and I'm like I say, I need to tag someone I need to text someone and like it's I don't know. It's like it's not really like the same. Friends or whatever it's like more exciting and like fun or whatever and like going on dates as well as just like oh so exciting and I would probably say before I go on the date like I'm going to be like a way for the next few hours. I don't think I'm like ignoring you if I don't respond to your text or whatever and then like you jack a little message being like Oh, hope it's going well. Let me know how it goes and then afterwards I'm like, so would you call him? I sure like, we I just get so excited like that was so lovely. Yeah, I genuinely like I just think Women are class like and I'm very rarely ever disappointed by hanging out with women. Like no matter what the context is. Like I say like if it's a date or whatever like I kind of consider as much as I say like, I don't go into things with expectations. I'm like, I kind of consider everything a bit of a potential date but also has a potential to not be a date and be a totally platonic thing at the same time. Yeah, but like I'm literally never hung out with a girl and be like God what a dickhead like we're gonna hang out with him again. Cool, and I learned this and I learned this and I got this new perspective on this and it was just great and like yeah, and then I'm just like happy hour and on a booze and then yeah if it goes to second date, I'm like, yeah amazing. This is even better and then you see where it goes from there. That sounds like such a healthy lovely situation. Yeah. Like I actually I genuinely am like it's funny because I never thought that like if you had asked me like 5 years ago where I see myself like relationship was I would not have expected this at all, but I'm actually like super happy with myself and with my relationships with others for like the first time probably in my whole life and I'm like what happened ngratulations like yeah, I'm really concerned and I feel like I have like a proper stable relationship, but I'm also like safe and it to like pursue more casual things but also like things that I don't know where they're going to go and like just getting to know more people and not feeling like restricted or like unhappier like I'm gonna like hurt the other person and I know that like, they don't feel like they're going to hurt me there by doing anything. Like it's all just out in the open and able to talk about it. Like that's the main thing. What would you say are things that you wish people that you wish people didn't think of polyamory not that you like resent them for feeling. Yeah that you wish like in the future people would be more understanding about or educated on. Okay OG not even OG my my regular listeners will like I promise I'll get my technical shit. Together these days. So what were we talking about before he cut off probably should have started checked before we start again and it was if there was a misconception. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like I think the idea of it as being something really far out and weird when in fact like humans are very like interdependent creatures and like we like as much as monogamy works for some people and I'm not denying that and I wouldn't Like want anyone to do the exact same thing with me when it doesn't suit them. Yeah, but the idea of like diversity and like kind of like a collective instead of like to individuals like the idea of two individuals is kind of like reinforced by like not only heteronormativity were like sexism and like the idea of having like even the thing of like a man has the sun and a woman as the moon like the woman always always like the Lesser part of the union and it's like A lot of the time not all the time, of course, and I'm not saying this about every monogamous relationship. But historically it's been used as a way to like oppress women and like have control over women and even like marriage and stuff like our ideas towards relationships have changed a lot in the past few years were very like stuck in our ways about certain things and it's like it hasn't always been like this and the assumption is that it has but it's actually quite a recent thing like monogamy. I read sex at dawn. Yeah exactly. Yeah, like just everything is so like over simplified when things are actually much more complicated much more complicated from like sexuality to gender to like monogamy to everything. We like tend to want to exert control over things to try and understand them better but you actually gain a much better understanding by being open-minded. I know that sounds really cliche open-minded. What like it. Something you hear time and time again, like a lot of people say that but not a lot of people like really take it onboard take ya take action from it. Yeah, so I'd say like try do it in action do it in action. Well done, very good English studying journalism try today, if you're listening to this and you're going to work maybe that like if you're To just even if you see something on your Facebook and you're like that's a bit weird challenge that feeling and like ask yourself. Why yeah, like why do we presume these things about everything we have like all these presumptions and you have to like work really hard to kind of counteract that and like once you start doing that like it all kind of starts to like follow a when he started questioning one thing you start realizing that like most things are all kind of a bit made up and all we can do is the most I believe in like the power of the masses and the greater good and everything like we do have like a We owe it to ourselves to live like as individuals and incense and like do what's like best for us and not what's best for like the greater good of society like contributing to like societal norms and so forth. Like you can just do your own thing for your own sake and you don't have to worry about how it's going to make your like conservative Aunt June feel like you just do for you like and because you're the most important person in your own life, and that's the bottom line. I love the ant name. Yeah. I actually don't have a concerned parent. And thank God I haven't like now is very specific Shady to my I don't know what she wants. She's relation being some way June. You're actually great and I love you, and I didn't mean to drag you. Okay. Well, thank you so much for sharing all that with us. I think in a world in a world where people are scared to actually become educated because they don't want to seem ignorant. It's nice to just be able to sit down and have a friend conversation and ask absolutely I'm like, there's nothing wrong with asking questions as long as you do it like in a respectful way without being like ugh, that's awful to yeah response. Yeah, it's fine facial neutrality. And thank you so much. And I really really appreciate it. You're a great speaker and guys and weep over a message on my Instagram if you enjoyed this or if you have I don't know just just just respond. I really like when people say oh, I never thought about it this way or excetera Etc. So, please do and rate and review if you can because it really helps me out. Thank you to my sponsor depop because honestly, I love how you just let me invite incredible people on and you're not Like oh what's there like Instagram followers and stuff like that. It's really really amazing to work with a platform that actually really cares and if you don't have to pop just download because honestly, it's life. I get every all of my ship on depop all of us and or if you want to make some cash on the side or like a creative. It's a really good place to do that as well. Do you have a depop? Yeah. I actually do I was using it to sell like homemade t-shirts for while but I totally like left off with that and got lazy with it and then it was like you haven't been active enough. So we're deleting. So if I do reactivate you want to follow my do part of it was and maybe we'll be in the future fika tease if I see a and then tease like T-shirt. Oh my God, tell me if you started again and I'll make a deep like my shop of the week. Oh, yeah, because I love my shop of the week on my artists like my baby like I love it so much, but I actually that's such a random thing about deep up in everyone's pools By no one's listening anymore, but And is that I like how they delete accounts if they're not active for a while because like if you bought something off someone who like didn't use it anymore. Yeah, you know what? I mean? Like, that's a very good aspect of it. Anyway. Thank you so much guys, please rate and review and it really helps me out and I really appreciate it. And this is the end of season 2. So, thank you so much for all your support, and thank you to all my guests as well because I wouldn't have been able to do anything without you guys. And so, thank you and goodbye.
Today's episode is a discussion about Polyamory. Alyssa shares her personal journey with Polyamory, while we discuss common opinions and criticism of ethical non-monogamy such as 'jealousy' and it being boiled down to 'purely sexual. We also discuss media coverage, representation and documentaries made on ethical non-monogamy and how they portray it. I wanted to record an episode on ethical non-monogamy after watching (my icon) Louis Theroux's recent documentary on the subject. I wanted to talk to an Irish Poly person as I felt it would be significantly different to that of the American Poly people Louis chose to base his documentary on. I cannot thank Alyssa enough for being so open and educational on this topic. These are the podcasts I love to record the most, the ones where I forget I'm even recording because I am so engrossed with what the pod-guest is saying. This podcast is hard to sum up because it explores so many topics under the umbrella of relationships, identity and love...so I will just leave you all to it! Thank you to Depop for supporting me through this series. You're constant encouragement has meant I have had more time, energy and motivation to research and find guests who mean so much to my listeners and myself. The Depop shop of the week I am LOVING this week is @caked for the *sickest* shirts that will look good on everyone. Please review and share if you enjoy this podcast- it makes my day! 