What up? What up? Welcome to another fabulous episode of mommy group today on the show. We discussed Megan Markle breaking tradition done. And how much of that is honoring tradition versus just trying to live her own life. Yeah and us and that that sort of dynamic in our own lives are also talking about cultural appropriation. First is appreciation Kim K Kim K. Yeah. It's a snow is causing controversy. Yeah. It's aReally? It's a really interesting topic and we hope to kind of continue the conversations will be this is one that can continue off the pot as well. We're going to talk about the issue with borrowing and lending money. Kathie Lee came out talking about Kris Jenner owing her a little bit of cashish and it got us talking about our own situation. And lastly we're going to talk about the sloppy speech habits that are actually getting in the in the way of you getting what you want little tiny changes that you can make that will Empower you. You so I think it's really good that you might like it. Let us know what it's like no big deal if you don't like it. It's not a problem. Okay, love you. So Megan Marshall and Lily the details around her whole pregnancy have caused a ton of controversy even just her having her baby shower in New York. People have been freaking out her birth plan, you know deviating from tradition. It's cause just so much conversation. But really I think it brings up the topic of being yourself and kind of choosing your own life and honoring tradition. Are you really trying to make a statement or are you like how much of tradition is important to honor? Yeah, and how much is and this is all stemming by the way from the idea of Megan, you know in her last weeks of pregnancy not wanting to take a photo outside of the traditional like, you know, you go out and deciding where she wants to have the baby. Right? Right. Does she have it? It's gonna be private, but I think this is everything else which is The royal family more public exactly because I think that with Kate they followed tradition like to the letter. Yeah, so whatever announcements they were supposed to share she's going into labor. She's on her way to the hospital now, they tweeted that through the like cousin Kensington Royal official Twitter account. Like they did all the things already did all the things Megan. I think there definitely is a statement you're doing things differently and I think she does it with purpose like she came into the royal family with a purpose. I feel you know with even her mom being the in her role in the wedding and Who what she stands for all the feminism stuff and everything? I think it's definitely a point to me. It's that look when Kate Kate comes out on the steps after each birth and she is perfect in a suit for hours after you and you're there with the baby and kind of you know, it's a little misleading. You're like, oh damn, that's what you look like after baby cool. You know, whereas, I think she might be like, I want to just be my hospital bed. Yeah. I just wanted to be private with me. Yeah. It's been like I'm gonna do a personal shoot a week later or whatever it is. I think that's the thing that is interesting about it. Is that for any of us regardless? Of like, you know, not the princess but like we get married to someone with their own set of traditions. We are raised with our own set of traditions many of which we hold dear many of which we can't wait to break like everyone's different in that way. Is it possible to listen so lie to yourself and do things the way you want and at the same time honor Traditions that are going to be beautiful to pass down and say oh this was a tradition my mom. Did this on my grandmother did this like I don't even like is it possible for those two things I can exist in the same as yours. You have to pick and choose. Yeah, but I think it is. I mean II feel like I'm a living example of that like being Indian, we have so many more cultural Traditions, but I'm constantly trying to especially now as I've gotten older when I was younger. I don't think I appreciated them as much I just did them because I had to now as a mom. I feel like I'm totally instilling them in my own way with the kids but like for instance cooking right like food to make them a little bit more excited about it. Like we just don't even talk. It will just kind of go to Indian restaurants and now they love certain types of individual make it at home and we'll see them in Don't know that it's not something maybe their friends have every night or something like that or even like certain holidays that we celebrate here that are an Indian culture but like that we will mix it together and also comes down to Traditions that are that means something like someone's birth plan that has to do with their body and bringing life into the world with their new family. I don't know how much of that can really be a tradition like getting them christened later and having a baptism or something. Yeah, but is that really true? Isshin having the same birth plan that your mother had or your it's a real murder in life. Well, and I think that like that even when you were talking about like being christened and stuff that was actually like such a hard thing when we had Connor because so I was raised Jewish and Mike was raised Catholic and when Connor was born I wanted Mike wanted to have him christened and I didn't really feel strongly about a bris, but I know that my dad did and that's a really important tradition. It's the circumcision is done by mohel, which is a By who's trained specifically to do a circumcision. So, you know, it's not like some random dude doing it. It's you know, it's very safe. They're trained for that purpose solely, but it's like a covenant with God and it's this whole thing and I'm not really religious at all. I don't I've never been someone who relates to organized religion. I am spiritual. I believe that there is something but I don't believe in the stories. I think their stories right? It's never been something that I've related to and so when Mike Mike was like well we can't have him christened and have a bris. Yes, and Mike felt that way because he's like they're both covenants with God like kind of slightly opposing one another would you say that you know me would do something both. I thought we would do both but but that's because I the sounds awful strong and I don't believe in what I think it stands for in that way. So I'm just like great. Let's do it. Like my dad will be happy. Mike will be happy and when Mike was like well we can't do that. We can do whatever we want. Like there's no rules where the parents we can do whatever we want and ultimately we didn't have a breast it was really difficult. I told my dad that we weren't having a brisket was really heartbroken. We ended up giving Connor my dad's name as his middle name because I was like to me I felt like maybe this is the way that we can more intensely carry on tradition because his name's Hime. It's makes no sense with Connor Murphy because we're always going to say what is that? You're going to explain? Well, my grandfather's Israeli and you know and whatever maybe it'll be a stronger thing and afterwards Mike. Very sweetly apologized because he was after like a couple years after he got it because he was like, well, he was just like it didn't actually matter we could have done both. There's no it doesn't negate one. They're both with the same purpose really nice. They're both in the same intention like it's so it didn't actually matter that bother you like would that do that and give it bothered me a little bit because I felt like naturally because he's more religious than I am. We default to hit right because it's like what I'm just putting up a fight just to put up a fight, but just You don't get it. If I don't really care I shouldn't stand in the way but I do want both sides to be shown. I want the traditions of both crimes are and so I'm lucky that right now. We live in California and so my parents are here and so my mom will have Passover dinner and we'll have Hanukkah and we'll do Rosh Hashanah and we'll do those things because my parents are here where when we lived in New York. I didn't do them on my own. Yeah. So it's like I feel like a fraud a little bit if I'm then going to be like well no Judaism. Yeah, I don't practice we do the holidays together. I feel that in my blood because My family's Israeli and I identified in that culture of that part of me, but it's interesting those Traditions. There are certain things that are and the role that your parents play when you become a parent how powerful that is because it's like even if you want to start your own Traditions if they do negate the Traditions that you had as a child or I don't know. It's interesting because everyone's learning right your parents have always been parents and all of a sudden they become grandparents and then it's like, okay where did the band right boundaries start and end, please and what is their role? And I think that's what's beautiful about it is like mixing the two and I have so many mixed cultures in my family to you know of religions and traditions and I think it's I think it's awesome like the making of new ones which is interesting. I mean with the royal family as a whole different scenario because it's the Royal damn family and they're probably very staunch about how things are done. But I also poor Megan like she grew up totally differently. So this might not even be in her like who cares right? She's probably like, I don't want like why does taking a picture have to be a tradition and why does it have to be right then and there or why can't we just say I give props to I feel like for the royal family for being as flexible as it seems like they have been totally because I thought that it would be like listen Megan you might have all sorts of ideas of what they're going to do. But once you get in there, that's not all going to have any chocolate a to she's already made but she's already pushed a lot of things that have never been done before from the get-go. So I think like a lot of that is the onus or the credit should be given to her, but I think a lot of credit should also be given to a Whirring future thinking my family. Does this progress? Does this like promote change in a good way or does it also like demott? Is it the demise of like family relations to because that's the one thing I always think about like when you do try and push boundaries of people when they decided to move out and get their own Cottage. Yeah. Yeah, which I think it's easier said than done right? Because then you do like I asked that about the resentments of because those are things that like, obviously I think you were right so rational about the way you thought about you can't Pick and choose when you want to be super like, you know, okay, I'm religious or not, but that could be something that eventually maybe and Lana and what traditions are worth doing just to appease other people and to keep the peace. It's funny because before my sister had babies like 10 plus years before me she's my little sister and she had them both natural one at the hospital one and a birth center. And yeah, and before I met my husband I kind of was just like, I don't know I'll just do whatever like I could totally see. At that point in my life just booking a C-section. I love the fact that it's a controlled environment. You choose the date totally safe and it's a cool choice that we have and then what's interesting is I said something to my sister before again. I met my husband and stuff and she was like really would do that. And so she kind of just started telling me all the options not just hers, but just all options like, oh you can have a hospital birth and you know, you have an epidural you don't have to just like book a surgery. But anyhow, I don't know how much of her I mean I definitely I think her experience and It ultimately helped me choose why I had a natural birth, but I also have two best friends that had awesome experiences having natural birth center. So that's what I chose. So it's almost like I followed this tradition of natural with my sister and she definitely like, I don't know, but ultimately I made that decision for myself. So I guess when I keep thinking about birth plan and tradition, yeah, I don't know birth plan is something that's so she's addition oriented well because they're saying she might have the baby at home. Oh, yeah, I mean, I think it's a more so like culture. I mean, you know, yeah, but there's all these things came out that and this is probably this my are obviously after well after Megan has decided what she's going to do and what not. And so but I think it's just it brings up the whole idea of the tradition you're veering from tradition. Yeah, trying to pave Your Own Way create new things with your family, but also honor things that are a through line to your ancestry to your grandparents, you know, not like epic ancient ancestry, but just The generations right before you and some of those three lines there so special but if they don't relate to you, yeah, they don't feel like you then like I'm you want to continue that good big one no to would it be traditional like circumcisions? It's not in all cultures, right? Not all cultures exactly. So like when two people that are coming from different backgrounds come together. That's a hard one exactly you decide, you know, exactly by the way when we were thinking of our celebrity name my husband and I I'm Brandy, he's Chris you guys are selling one celebrity. Yeah. Like we're playing our hashtags and like who we are Chris someone brought a brush and my husband didn't know what that was. I immediately was like they knew you're like they were joking. Yeah. Oh my God. This is all about did you guys see that picture of Kim Kardashian at Sunday's? What is it Sunday Church Sunday service that Kanye has going on and she was you post this picture of herself and she's in these beautiful field and she's wearing like Indian traditional Indian. Jewellery. Yeah, it's just it looks gorgeous gorgeous Tikka, which is like basically an ornament. It's kind of like a little saying Jewel. It looks like the necklace almost like you put on your forehead and it's you know traditionally if you like look up the proper way of wearing it. It's a like anything. Thing I think historically it's a rite of passage for Womanhood and a lot of women especially Hindu women wear it during their weddings. So that's what that kind of yeah, you know symbolize but nowadays. I mean, I wear them people I don't get to Coachella. I mean another thing and I remember I did something for BuzzFeed and I was recreating an Indian look and I got so much backlash on it because people didn't think I was Indian and I was like I am in this is my jewelry. Like I can wear it how I like I wore to my wedding, but I think the bigger thing is this whole idea. Our culture appropriation versus appreciation and to me it's like brings up this whole topic of weight. We talked about inclusivity, right and we want to add all these education and appreciation for different cultures yet. We try and do something and all of a sudden we divide it. Yeah, we can do it. You can't write you know only we can do it. So is the idea we want you to appreciate who we are but from afar and don't actually touch our stuff or don't actually cook our food or don't do certain things. I can't it doesn't make sense to me. Especially as an Indian woman was watching that if she were doing something inappropriate. Yeah, and you know, like the grading it in some way if you see if I were a Muslim woman and she was wearing a hijab and posing for Playboy. Right? I would have to be a problem with that. I would be offended. I mean it code Ali, you know, I think that's offensive this to me. She's I don't um, I remember everyone gave her a lot of flak to when she put corn rows in her hair. Oh that brings up the like that is only for African American Prosperity. Also is married to black. She has a child. Yeah mixed babies. It makes sense. How is she going to understand that culture? If she doesn't immerse herself in it and like her daughter to learn how to do her hair like these are real things that like, I'm sorry. When does it become, you know anything to me that much that's the biggest question mark that I have about it and I've yet to talk to anyone who can explain it to me in a way where I'm like, okay got it. I get it. I do understand when you talk about using it for financial gain, like I get that like that's a fact that's not OK thing. I understand the idea of cultural appropriation being an issue when you are taking someone else's culture and using it for financial gain, you create like a collection, I guess like I don't know if I get that I don't agree but I get that idea of it. What I don't understand is when people are doing it for their own style their own enjoyment their own what they think is beautiful because what I the reason that it's the big thing that always sort of sticks in my mind is we as a country are Of so many diverse cultures we are. A Melting Pot and so we are the United States does not have one cultural identity. Its a mix of all those identities. So as you are born and raised as an American, I feel like all of those cultural identities are part of me as well because I grew up with them. I see them. They're American. I know what they are like, so to me, I think it's this great thing that I also have a right to where I also have a right to to celebrate that I write like you said to appreciate it goes a I think it goes really deep though a little bit. People because when I like I'm on social media and I have I get into healthy conversations with people about this, I think it's also that interesting way. He'll think her hair extensions is that like these people also came right and they weren't immediately accepted then so why all of a sudden now, is it? Okay if you're doing it for instance threading threading wasn't bit. Like if people were to look at that 20 years ago, but why are you doing that to your face? Don't grow your hair and like you'd be kind of scoffed at for doing it now. It's like obey me $25 you can do. Ooh it and it's the best way because Kim Kardashian does it to or whoever does it? Right and it's almost like huh? How come when I was because things take time it does to people that that originated with that and came with that in there. Like this was mine. This is something I my people started or that they have this ownership or onus around it that makes them feel like I wasn't accepted then it wasn't accepted then why is all of a sudden now, I guess that's why I was running that resentment and getting that's my question then would you prefer I know. Just stay that way then no more ideal than that. We that it's no longer accepted and you are that they're okay. So it's all yours. Well I call you like you and same problem for money for instance had a test. I don't know that my henna tattoos Hannah Hannah is something that really so you so is another rite of passage if you are I hope you guys can hear your heart this our trash man mom life, you know, you do that for special occasions in India, right and even Pakistan and other Arab countries and go to a carnival and have done and Yeah, exactly. And now you see henna tattoos all over Amazon and you see these big retailers profiting off of it to me. I think it's great. Like it's your learning more about it somebody that where I have pride in it when I see someone wearing it. I think it's like they love my culture when I was younger. That's how I would and I would go to school with it on from a wedding that I had. I would be so embarrassed because people that why do you have tattoos all over your hands and I'm like, I don't it's like paint that I can't take off because I was at a family wedding. Yeah. I remember trying to wash it off totally and now I'm like Gosh, if Mila goes to school with it so much. Isn't that what we want we want that change you on vacation. I see this a lot in the food space to where you know Middle America white Chef, you know specializes in Mexican food and people are like, okay what gives you the right to know Mexican flavors and all this other nonsense and I think it's we have this conversation the other day my husband and I because so many of these chefs one are good at it. But to a lot of time they've immerse themselves in that culture and they have a right because they Have gotten to know those ingredients they have passion for every kind of against the even if they haven't even if they haven't spent some time in the South to know how to make collard greens or been to Thailand if that's the food that they enjoy and again, we're a Melting Pot why shouldn't they have the freedom to express them? So I never thought about it like that like backlash of opening a restaurant. I would happens all the time. I just boggles my mind because isn't that what people do like you travel the world to try new things? And so you bring that back with you bring back the things that you love and you're more personal style. Your tastes literally the food you like and the style you like a representative of the things that you enjoy the things that you find beautiful. I think it's such a bummer that you can be punished for finding Beauty in something and another cause you're not being derogatory or inappropriate. So like actually crazy. Sorry dress. I should be offended because it's a don't write like I mean like so do you I don't know that you were to you we talked about talking about the caftan, you know, like yeah, I made I worked on I work on a show called home and family and I made a caftan on the show. It was like a beach cover-up and to me I thought that's the that's automatically the word we're going to use because that's like if you Google it like this is what I'm making. This is the style of it. It's really simple kind of so you just a kimono which I already talking about a geisha. Where's no I also the talking about what you're wearing actually. Hey and that's exactly like even that I did a kimono. I did look a no so sequin kimono on my YouTube channel and there was only a handful but a couple of people said something like it's not really a kimono traditional. Kimono. Is that a tada? You're actually making is this and it wasn't so I almost wanted to be like I this is a YouTube channel. I want if someone wants to make what in your mind instantly Pops in your mind as a kimono. I want my video to pop up. So whatever random word you just gave me I've never heard before which means you know when searching it so like why do I have to avoid before you watch this video? I don't mean an actual come on you can see it's not there's it and you know, it's sequins. It's obviously not Not a traditional kimono and with the captain it was all different people and that was what was interesting is there was a lot of people being like this is, you know, traditional Moroccan Garb. This is traditional if you look it up which I then did because there were so many crazy comments about it. There's like 12 different cultures that claim ownership of it. So there's like the Russian Empire. There's Moroccans there's Middle Eastern there's all these different cultures claim ownership over this one thing and it just it becomes This it just becomes I feel like it's an outrage culture people. Just want to get mad and instead of looking at is this really a big deal is this offensive was being done with a degrading quality. Is this celebratory? Is this beautiful? Is there a reason why we're not just such a dichotomy of we want change we want I'm just not bad. But then we also want to I would love to hear from someone though who is really offended is really fun it and I mean and I would love to hear the perspective because I think it's important to understand the POV like why you are initially or even still it after reading something like why you are offended by that but I was I was watching red table talk and I can't remember her name right now, but we'll see Jada's mom. Oh, yeah, I was talking about one of the reasons that she gets frustrated with white girls sort of again. She called a cultural appropriating like black physicality and it's kind of what you were saying a minute ago, but was that like they were like teased isn't even right word like they were What's like the gnarliest word for teased like like yeah, like like as a young woman she and all of her friends and everyone that was black was ridiculed use the word ridiculed for parts of them that young white women are now paying doctors to create right big lips. God a big bus. Yeah the curves and that it's like something that ruined my life. We were yeah, so it's like I get I understand the deep root of it. But at the same point, I feel like then the only solution is you're saying then no one doing great. It doesn't let it go. Yeah. Yeah, so that's a that's a further conversation and I think we all kind of have the same stamps on it. Well speaking and well speaking of Let It Go, actually I wanted anything. No actually. Did you guys see the article of Kathie Lee she was in an interview I did so she she mentions that years ago. She lent money to one of her best friends Kris Jenner and she's never gotten Back and I read the article I was like at how much was it? Remember they never said ever disclose the amount but it just didn't seem like a big thing. Then Kris Jenner comes out is like, oh, I really wish you would have talked to me behind closed doors. I just think it was silly that she brought it up. It should have been something in private. How did we get what was her it wasn't an interview and she just kind of like said, I think she was just like, oh you've been besties with Kris Jenner forever, you know, she's doing awesome. I don't know and then she just mentioned trucks. All right. I'm so sorry. I don't even know if you guys can hear that but it is very tricky at me. I'm sorry. No, no so, um, like what do you guys think about that? Because I feel like this comes back to letting things go if you've already let them go but also it happens all the time we go to big dinners, right? Everyone does a split skis or you offer to buy something for someone because I don't have any money and then - yeah, when do you ask that crunch tax and I would never not I'm not Offer the money. Yeah, but there's sometimes you'll just forget right like to I guess but I feel like there are some people that just get away with yeah, not offering. Yes, like when you go out and everyone buys a round of drinks, there's always that one girl that never never crosses her mind to buy around. She never evens it up. You're always buying three everyone's that yeah, you have that and then you have the other at degree where it's like, you know, you have that one person has no shame and it's like, okay so you did not have I did not have the wine and yeah, but you're gonna owe 1251 and everyone else. Oh that is really annoying when you're pregnant and you go out for big dinners and everyone driver tells me that says you don't have to pay because you're pregnant. I will still pay because I feel like when you are in a group setting the saw something experience exactly hang for the ambience and the fact that you are there with that group of people that you're paying for and that's gorgeous green cash like so I'm not a big drinker even when I'm not pregnant, but sometimes when you do the math and everyone gets appetizers and stuff it honestly is a couple bucks. I don't know. It's not a big deal, but some I mean to put it on Got some beautiful have to yeah, I feel like it's your responsibility to either put money down or just pay by. Okay. So just let's say you're out and you owe someone someone owes you 200 bucks and it's been a little bit of time that's passed. Like, how do you approach a do you ask for it? You just send the venmo request. That's what I've had that happen to me. And I and you know, I honestly forgot about that. I owed it and I was like, duh and I paid it right away and I felt almost embarrassed. So I text I was like, oh my God, I am so sorry, but I thought it was funny that it was a venmo requires because I'm like, oh you could have just told me. Me and it was like a week after you know, I'm I have you're so right about sometimes when you are always treating the person you're like, hey, when are thinking I know like this works? Well, because we're all even like it's fun to treat because we're all even but don't keep letting me pay for you or pay me back or ven or like something like don't make me be the one that has to say it because I think that's the thing is I don't like I have a friend who owes me $400 and I Don't feel comfortable asking for it because of the circumstances and so I just sort of Let It Go, but it's like you want to say I shouldn't have it shouldn't be on me like just do the right thing like pay it. So now because that responsibility on our part though in this sense like it for not so no to follow up and say yeah, but should you but I don't it's too uncomfortable because it's like do I but a hundred oven is don't want that minor dollars. That's a big table for two. Is a lot of money but I don't think you said you're like I won't spend that much money on myself. Never never I don't never said that but this this actually leads to a whole different idea about I feel like in women in general like if this were our husbands, maybe they'd be like, oh that's cool. Bro. Like you can get me next time or four hundred dollars here there whatever but like, you know, I don't know whatever they're doing, but I feel like women in general we have this mentality of like, oh, no, I don't want to touch. I don't want to step on your toes. I don't want ya Broach that topic as I'm just worried. It's gonna Be really uncomfortable. So I'm just gonna let it go. I think women want to be liked more than men wanna be like, we also don't like to have unnecessary conflict, right? Yeah and to create a thing but there isn't worth it. Yeah, you know that purse before hundred. It's not 50 bucks. It's $400. I feel like that's a little bit of a nice. I feel like it already has created like a little like will also energy think the time that has passed though. Also, it's kind. You know the more time that passes it's like two years later it be a Kathie Lee situation where you're like, why don't you just say and yeah. Well, that's the thing. Like I want to know what the amount is because I feel like Kathy Lee said it very nonchalantly almost joking. Yeah like yeah girl. I lent you money for every we met again in and then when Chris responded it seems like oh shoot like something's going on. Yeah, because because Chris said Chris is ready to talk to Kathy Lee and rectify anything and any outstanding issues on loaned money that they have with each other, but when Chris contacts Kathie Lee she wants it to be away from the public and wants to have a private discussion and not given any more attention than it already has. Well if you get is more challenging but it probably wasn't stanshall about it had to have been like a couple like - he's got to be like, I mean, you think more know she's talking to us back in the day. I think she's taking it seriously. So I feel like it has to come out, you know, otherwise, I'm sure she'd like well, this is significant mouth and that's the Layman Kris Jenner's part for not paying bats embarrass your in this situation. I feel Chris looks really bad because she's so ready. Yeah, so there should be no conversation. Yes, you love you shouldn't have every indication. He was interviewed. She should have been laughing at Kathy's. Hello hoot like yeah, right, you know that was a if she owes her money, right like she owes him money. This woman is filthy fucking Rich. There is no excuse for her not to pay. It's not like listen. I just wanna interview talking about but he's the one that's giving but maybe she just like the Kardashians. I think this is interesting though because this whole idea of you know, should I should I let it go. Should I follow up should I shy like those ornaments like when you go on vacation with friends? And you know everyone's like you don't want to see ya folks that are in B you got to be considerate. So it's kind of like you hope that everyone in the room has enough self-awareness to sort of clock where everyone's at without it being up and I think a true up is always the best way so like on a trip or anything you're doing it's like whoever's gonna be in charge in that if that means you're spending the most money invoice sends the breakdown go to Google Docs do and be like, here's the true up. Everyone was me this just take the extra hour do the math and just be like and so you can then mowing me here and I don't think at that point if You sent the true up and everybody can see in black and white how much you owe. It's like the venmo request keep on sinning. So you get them. We went to Iceland for Amanda's bachelorette party. Yes, 17 girls went to Iceland together. That's a for that it was absolutely incredible. But like the air B&B was, you know, one person booked it and then said this is what it's going to be for all of the events that are like does everyone want to do it? It's going to be this much per person like the horseback riding through this the glacier hike the everything and when we got there one person Would just pay it so there weren't 17 of us checking out one person would pay the bills and then in the car ride on the way back everyone would venmo her and just pay it. So it was like but everyone has to be on the same page. Everyone has to when you get to a certain age like this is something that I'm experiencing a lot to which again is I feel like it's one of those things where you keeping up with the Joneses like everyone's having for instance like 44 40th birthdays. Yeah, and the my God. Yes on you know, they're all this nation mean and their hosted now. I mean we pay for airfare but like when we get There it's hosted our friend stop will so that's what I'm wondering. I'm like no when I heard we did like a no hide trip with my furniture and 40 and the same thing. I loved it. Like I kind of was that person that book certain things and just told people how much it was if you want to do the bike riders went to the winery. It was great. I also think it's what you're saying, right? Everyone has to be on the same page. Yes, there's always one or two. Oh, we're hate after the fact. They're like, oh I didn't want to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Do it up front. I also think it's really nice. Like we just like the conversation like I think it's really nice when people are cognizant and aware of other people's situations. Right? Like if you're a single parent if you're not married and you're pregnant and you're not going to go that you write for the winery, but you don't want to do the tasting don't throw a host a party. That's somewhere crazy that the person can't even afford the airfare or like, you know, and I think even talking about like pregnancy like it should we should be self aware enough to know that you're not drinking and if we're buying $80 bottles. Of wine it should be on one of us to say no. No, Brandi doesn't need you shouldn't have to say that for yourself because that makes you look cheap. Yeah, you shouldn't have to but we should know and look out for you because someone should do that for my agree. Those are the things when you're like when you're with certain people who just don't have a certain level of self-awareness your gut you get put in the position where you've got to be the cheap one and you're like, I'm not cheap, but I'm trying to be fair to everybody. Yeah, and it's not like dollars and cents in your 72 29 and your 8530 like nobody. Yeah, but like be aware happens when I'm not pregnant, so I'm a foodie. I am like kind of picky. So a lot of times people want to order certain things and I'm just like I don't want to order that like don't mind me. I'm going to order my own appetizer and I don't know if I look like a dick. I don't know what it is. But but usually the money even as a devout anyways or people will say oh Brandi, you didn't get the Tartar and also other yeah, yummy a my God, but I will say it up front just saying like I'm happy to you know, pay for this in this and I won't say but I mean like I'm happy to do this. This but I'm not really feeling those and then at the end. Yeah, usually people chime in there like, oh cool it you know it all evens out or ya know you didn't order this. Yeah. Basically, I think everyone needs to be aware of the lookout forget look out for each other and if you you know, if you do have a balance with a friend just check up on that. I don't know if I'm gonna check up on it everyone listening to that. Well, then we'll balance. I'm yeah I so I want to talk about this next one because I read this the other night in bed, and I was like Damn it. I do that so the title was for sloppy speech habits that undermine your influence and I did was not geared towards women, but I think that a lot of women do this and a couple of the things that it had was saying so when you begin speaking so you're saying so here's an overview. So this is something I wanted to talk about. So I was thinking yeah and it sort of is prefaced seeing your point with a little bit of a buffer to prepare them when you don't need to do that. Another one was was This one I don't really do but this was just using filler words, like, you know, kind of I don't really do that, but that is just makes you seem unintelligent. It makes you think you don't know what you're saying. You're unclear this I do though. It says you say I think as a qualifier, oh my gosh. I had a boss. That was like never say I think yeah is now you're saying it's opinion and it's open for interpreter. I do. I think that's such a like like you said in the article was geared towards women, but for instance I say, I'm sorry. Re all the time and I catch myself. I know I'm sorry has been brought up in the past. Yes publicly a lot. And so I'm better about it now, but like I feel like it makes me feel better about someone else's uncomfortable situation or whatever it is. But like I'm so sorry, you know, why am I sorry why the hell am I sorry? Okay. There's this book that I read nice girls. Don't get the corner office. And that is one of the main things that I love that title. Yeah read that that makes so much so fast so sometimes if there is something like an apology is warranted. I apologize, you know. Accountability. Yeah, I never say sorry. You will never find an email that says I'm sorry. I don't say sorry ever. I'm very forgiving but yeah, naughty fortunate such a bad habit and even my husband will tease me because sometimes when I'm asking for permission or or just stating what will happen, I'll end my email with thanks for your understanding like preemptive. I'm just assuming that yeah, this is happening. This is my opinion. This is what needs to happen. I do that now though when I go through emails see when you're writing out way easier and writing and I go through email. Has now and I remove all of that stuff because another thing that I have found that I've done is I give people an out. Yes, so I'll do the like, yeah, I would love if we could yada yada yada, but if it's like just inconvenient right now, I totally understand like I tried to be like I'm understanding it's not going to hurt my feelings. If you can't do it and I try to give them me out when sometimes if you give people the out they'll take yeah, and if you don't it might make them a couple of they might do the thing that you need a hundred move it you might get that meeting. You couldn't get you might that your friend might. The intro that they don't really want to make but they'll do it for you. Whereas if you're like, listen, you just put you in an awkward position. I totally get it on and you back talk your way. Like don't ask the favor just add just a skit don't ask it and then back peddle it just ask it and so I've really learned that a lot especially the even going back and forth with videographers. I'm just why am I giving yeah, just I need you to do this. Yeah. I think this is partly wrong when you're asking me how people are going to feel right or you're telling them how they should feel. Yes. So the other day I was talking to a friend who's thing about buying a house. And I own I was talking to my husband and I said I know it can be overwhelming and he's like but why does it need to go over them? Like it's exciting chapter. They're getting pre-approved. I'm like you're so right like why am I even putting that energy out there or just stating like a feeling they could be feeling when they don't need a physical women do we in we take it all in but I mean another thing I'll do is like if I ask for a favor like you're saying this is something I've had a hard time with but in the last couple years, I've been much better at I can ask for a favor without trying to give one in return. Yes. That is something I've done forever like Might help me with this and I feel like I have such a large Network as I'm sure we all do and I'll introduce people to other people and I'll make those things happen makes me feel so good and fulfilled and then I'm like, but when it comes to me asking for myself, I feel very shy and timid about it and then if I do I'm like and oh my God, I have so much makeup. I can give you some when you come. It's like why do I feel like if someone wants something they can ask for it as because I think there's a tone. There's a way that some people speak that does. Rub you the wrong way. It's void of any War but they still get it. They see what they want. There is a way to have warmth and no filler. Yeah, right like that is I can't I can still State very clearly what I want to happen without undermining it with these words with the sews and I think sand whatever but still be warm and get you to want to do that thing for me. There are some people who when they speak they instantly they irk you and you're just like what yeah, you know like and there. Is it's a thing and so it's like there's a finesse in the way that you speak but it doesn't need to be padding with I do think a good place to start is by email. You're right like cut out all the filler words and then hopefully that can translate into speaking because speaking obviously the security of feeling like the filler words help get your point across in a nicer way in a warmer way, but I agree a hundred percent that book that you just mentioned as that because all my female friends, I always think about term like do you have to be a bitch in order to you know, get what? You will get what you want. And I realize it's not a bitch. It's not even just being surrounded in giraffe. It's direct and being confident in knowing what you want. And yeah, sometimes it's following up excessively until that other person says final meet you for the damn coffee or I'll put the email in it's like thank you. Yeah, and I have to say thank you and hopefully if that ever happens because it's happen to be on the other end around like damn and I finally do it but down the line, it's Rich its return that's one of the things I've learned a lot from people that I who are in positions. Of power who are have been incredibly helpful to me over the years and one of the things is like when you're writing an email to someone and you don't have a personal relationship with them and you're asking for a favor get to it get to the point. You don't need High. I hope you've been well blah blah blah blah get to it today. I had an idea for something that I really want to do and I had a meeting yesterday about it was a little bit of a deflating meeting because I was really excited. I thought this guy was going to be able to help me like bring it across the Finish Line. He really just had more questions for me. There wasn't really any advice. It was more like I don't really know how to do this this this and this I got up super early this morning. I think I came up with a solution for it and it involved another company. I went down the Instagram Rabbit Hole. I found the founder of the company IDM the founder of this morning three sentences not even high. I had a meeting with a production company about this about your company. I would like to pitch it to you directly including my agent and my lawyer. When are you free to speak and she wrote back in? 20 minutes. Wow, my mind exploded. I called my lawyer and like now what do I say to her? I'm like, oh my God, I was like, but it could have been like hey, I'm all I show you don't know me, but that yeah and she would instantly be like Barclay 10 years. No, but you know what? I will tell you something else too. Like my husband gets asked this a lot and people will sometimes find me on DME like OE messaged about this or this and I think the interesting thing that I took away best piece of advice I got to was just because someone's not in power in a position of power is not emailing you back does not mean that they're not reading your emails. Yes. Oh, it's great to check in every six months or whatever. You're doing it. I'm like, hey, just wanted to up also very easy for people of right asking for a favor what I have people that are like I want to take you to Coffee. I live in coming in Studio City. I like you're out of a jump on the phone for a second or some of their questions are so open-ended. It's like I need a specific. Yeah, right. That's a huge one. Don't move like hey how you got where you are? And how can I do that? Yeah. Oh my God. That's the biggest one. We're my mom will be like, hey, so, you know moshus daughter once had Question and they'll be like, I just really London Fashion any advice. I'm like what in the eff kind of question is that my exactly ask a specific question and if you are asking a favor of someone yes, make it convenient for them and make it clear for them get to the point fast. And sometimes you have to know I actually am offering something here. So don't always put yourself in the position where they're empowering or not that this is a hey I've got something I think could really help you. Are you free to me? Yeah, because sometimes that's exactly what it is. And at least you're Ting the tone right off the bat that we're equals. I'm not like I didn't really appreciate anything a man in a time to talk to me like you don't need that tone and come really have that voice down that annoying like that. Just moved to LA we give her a name. Yeah. What is do you have an alter ego named me my God. Okay. I have a blond wig and her name is Phyllis. No, because because her wig looks like Kate Plus 8. Oh my God. War in Vegas with like the most ug outfit and I was like, my name is fellas stop it. I think I was just, you know having fun. This is how I have fun are so many freaks are so many layers. I'm Brandi was such an onion peeling away from an allergic to that's the only thing I'm allergic to you are wrong. You don't and then went before Phyllis. I would always give my best friend's cell phone number. Oh you bitch it was so fun. That's so nice. All the time, but I was Nikki because I thought Nikki was such a like not even a zebra. Yeah, but you're naughty that's that's pretty good. But yeah, I think I don't all great piece of advice. I think that's really yeah speak direct Phyllis Phyllis and it's you it Phyllis. I like that. Alright really good. Well, let's get into some of our favorite products. Yes things that were loving. Okay. What are you guys loving right now? So this is a kitchen stable that I hope everyone already has but Every time people ask me how I cook this and that they're like, oh, I don't have one of those guys listen up get yourself a cast iron skillet. So good register for it. Get it by one. You can even get them at like World Market. I mean cast iron skillets are so clutch when you get them, you do need a season it so you can Google it basically will add oil and salt and will heat it up super hot and it creates a nonstick surface. So if you're someone that's watched all these documentaries about nonstick. If and Teflon killing us and you want to get rid of all of them just going to cast iron skillet, but we were talking earlier because we're in or Lee's Kitchen today and I saw her instant pot and I love instant pot based on a lot of my best friends who use it and so forth, but I actually don't have a lot of counter gadgets. I don't even have a toaster because I just love doing everything on the stovetop and it's just what we do at my house, but people ask many people T, but couldn't roll my eyes any harder Morning for 45 minutes ago. Nice brown run can pick up my eggs from outside and outside pushing. We live that life. I want chicken Brandy. Um, hey Phyllis with her wig fucking Phyllis fucking Killers. I love it every time every time you say something that really annoys me. See you should anyway, I love it. I cook my steak. So my cast-iron skillet. I cook my breakfast sandwiches in there. So So fight you can find them anywhere get them and its really all you're going to need when you cook. Yeah, that's a good call. Mine's a mine's a little bit beauty-related always so summer is here. And so a lot of times we have that extra layer of heat and just everything puffiness when you wake up tired whatnot. So there are these amazing hydrogel sticks. There's a ton different brands have am one of my favorites is by pure beauty which is like Ulta and even Physicians Formula has like a drugstore version, but basically, It's like a soothing balm in lipstick form and you can carry it with you everywhere. But it also it soothes your under eyes. So let's say you don't have time to put my oranges. It's clear transparent. So imagine like you do not have time to put eye patches on or ice cubes or whatever. It is to cool your under eyes when you wake up, you could put slide this on and it's immediately evaporates but it helps tighten under eyes it soothes and this is a great little gift tag. And then it also works as a primer. So before you put on any eyeshadows are Shadows or even under eye concealer. It just helps kind of plump that area so it is good. So curious Idris stick. It's a hydrogel lifts toe. So pure beauty. That's P. You are pure beauty has one Physicians Formula also has one at the drugstore. I think like Rite Aid and the okay. This is so good because this is one of the things I would have no idea what to do. I'd like why am I spending ya know some right thing that looks like lipstick. It's great. And you know, I mean a lot of these things I do have a little bit of marketing ploys to the more. It's just this idea of like, It doing and also can work as a primer exact time reading about it. But what I like about it is that it's just almost like what ice does in that instantly you're getting that decrease of puffiness so relief from puffiness and also smoothness, so it's not that some of these ingredients are over time going to help you because some of them have vitamin C and caffeine in it, but really it's the instantaneous effect that we're looking for in the morning. If you have really tired eyes, this is going to help just brighten them. So I love feel like you should have your own little segment about beauty products that you don't that are underappreciated. I would love to it's almost time because this Is really one of those things where I'd be like, why do I need that? Maybe from now on in our little this little segment? I'll just always bring up a beauty product that I feel like if you guys I just finished our last episode I learned about Essence. It's like what exactly is that? It's optional. I'm now Beauty expert. So yeah, I'm debating between to what I'm going to do is actually something that I use a lot. I use it for DIYs when I'm making clothing that I think that it's a really great. It hack for people who don't know how to make anything because it can be a great solution. So I use a fabric glue called fabric. You can get it on Amazon. He had at Joanns Michaels anywhere. It's clear. The really good thing about it is that it goes on clear and it dries clear but it stays flexible and it's machine washable. So if you end up with like the little seam split open on the side of your shirt and you don't you can just put a little bit of fabric glue. It will seem it up. You're hot too lazy to yeah, cuz I think that like and it's okay with you wash it too. Yeah. It's okay when you wash it, I'd say if you Wash it like over and over and over. It's going to start to get any to like a touch it up a little bit but it's just a really good thing to have to like a quick fix because you can let a strap breaks. You can attach a new strap on you can do like little things like that that maybe before you get a chance to go to the tailor and bring things in this is for if you don't know how to sew or you don't know how to do these things yourself. It's a really great Quick Fix. It's the one that I've used the longest. So I just know that it really really works and use it for your rescue addressed. By the way today that I'm like hoping you can help me fix through. Yeah. Show me you literally have made me. Want to like look through all my stuff and be like, how do I remove? Maybe I want to do DIYs from Allah Almighty 21 month old daughter. I'm working on a denim jacket. We want her. She's 21 months and two days not quite to she's a little past year and a half. She don't smell smells like heaven. I hide my studio for all I do that all the time with Milo, you know fucking felt was so rude. I got a sniffer had a little I breathe into her mouth like we're practically kissing. I just like suck it. I don't blame you but I'm totally yeah, I was like, oh Emily needs a little denim jacket. So I got Patches. I'm doing all things either what video do it? That's an adorable. You totally inspired. Really fun for that too is you can get exactly work for that for patches. Normally they're going to be iron-on is else. Otherwise I got do have you they work with heat exactly. So they have a good they have a glue that wants you iron them then over washing a little bit the edges will come up. And so sometimes it's good to like have them talk to him, but I even bought some well mr. A welcome Depot and got some little I'm sanding paper so I can just politely add a little distressed. You know, what actually works really well for that too is a cheese grater like the cheeseburger that you have. Use the roughest side that's like the tiny little dots and you can use that as a to distress it as well. But another thing that's really fun for that. And I don't know if you don't use bleach but the bleach the Clorox bleach pen you can write with so you could like write her name on the back. I'll show you Blake's I did like other nicknames all over it and it just pulls out it becomes completely white and if you are nervous about your hand use license a pencil know just like use a pencil or a piece of chalk to write it first because like a guy and then right over it with the gel pen. It's like the claw. She'll penny to a job honey. Let it dry it your of the one that you've made for I will I well it's really cute. I did it on home and family when wait was that is such a came and I meant for Kristen's daughter will you know because if Millie has one now, Mommy needs one. So I'm gonna do my own. Yeah, they're super fun. The it works really great. And then you just wash it the gel will come off. It will just leave the white exactly where you wanted it and you're good to go if that's so cute. Yeah. All right guys, I think that's it. Thank you wouldn't wonder go. This is the only mommy group. I want to be a Part of this is a good mommy group. I hope that you guys think it's a good mommy group. If you do you guys have to screenshot this episode share it on your social media Facebook Instagram Snapchat if anyone still on there or just text it to a friend any of these episodes Myspace or Friendster Friendster or the link, you know, yeah, we really appreciate you guys listening and any feedback is always super welcome. So please do leave us comments. And as always the description below is going to have all the products that we talked about and all of our social media so our Instagrams and our If you want to ever see some more in-depth like of the project we talked about here or DIYs that we do work Beauty segments that we do or whatever it is. The full videos are available on will see you guys next week. Bye.
Megan Markle got us thinking about the importance of keeping traditions alive WHILE still making things your own. Is that even possible? Should we sacrifice something we may want in order to keep an important tradition alive in our family? Is the tradition bigger than us? Kim K is always called out for Cultural Appropriation but it prompted a conversation about the difference between "appropriation" and "appreciation." It's one of the most confusing topics right now but also one of the most heated... We get into it. Ya know that friend that somehow NEVER buys a round. NEVER pitches in her fair share, NEVER pays you back? Yea, us too. The conversation started because Kathie Lee is claiming Kris Jenner own her some money and then we realized...."Stars They're Just Like Us!" BRANDI's Cast Iron Skillet https://rstyle.me/+Gwjtp90WcZdegajFHmR52A  AMI's Hydrogel Stick Pur Beauty hydragel stick: https://rstyle.me/+X627f_wgF0SOVvezwsnG_Q  phyisicians formula De-puffer: https://rstyle.me/+vdFEW39xIBKUrECyZrb79w  ORLY's Fabric Glue http://bit.ly/2VBd6JS  WHO ARE WE!? 