We kept heading down the tree-lined path, passed under another shrine gate, and found ourselves in an open plaza paved with stones and gravel.
Hikawa Shrine is one of the biggest shrines in Saitama. I’ve heard that more than two million people come here every year for their first shrine visit of the year.
There are a lot of places called Hikawa Shrine in Tokyo, but this one in Omiya is the head shrine of them all. I guess that means in terms of the Shinto religion, Omiya is the capital of Japan.
The plaza was surrounded by trees. A lively crowd jostled inside it, as if they were trying to fill the expansive, flat gray ground with their shoes. Boredom alternated with the sense of breaking from routine; the crowd moved at a snail’s pace, restless.
“Wow…”
Kikuchi-san peered around her like she wasn’t used to any of this. “You don’t come to places like this much?”
She shook her head. “I always visit with my family, so…” “Huh?”
I didn’t get what she meant. She looked up at me and smiled calmly. “Oh, I just meant that when you come for a different reason, everything looks different.”
“Oh…”
Her comment could have been embarrassing depending on how I interpreted it, but I did sort of understand what she meant.
“Same. Feels like I’m actually seeing everything now.”
Kikuchi-san’s eyes sparkled like a child’s. “I know just what you mean!” She nodded enthusiastically, which was good to see.
“Instead of tagging along with someone else, I’m going where I wanna go to.”
“Exactly!” She smiled innocently, and her voice rose energetically. “It makes sense, since we chose the place and the person we’re going there with

ourselves,” she said, casually as could be. I wasn’t ready for that. “Oh…uh, yeah. R-right.”
When I shied away a little, she tilted her head in confusion. “What’s the matter?”
“Um, uh, it’s just…” “Yes?”
I’m not sure how to put this, but ever since we started dating, Kikuchi-san had started saying what she was thinking more directly, which made me more comfortable with her—but sometimes, I got thrown off because she would mention things without seeming to realize the implications.
“The person you’re with…”
“Hmm? …Oh.” If her cheeks were apples, they would be ripening very quickly, and since I was standing so close, of course it spread to me. That kind of statement is a OHKO if you’re not careful.
“Uh, yeah, so…yeah.” “Oh, um, yes…”
Once again, we’d drawn close and then stepped back, shy even though we were comfortable together.
“Oh, uh, look! People are lining up!” “Oh, y-yes!”
Still, I liked our time together—even the shifting sense of distance.

\* \* \*

“We’re next.”
“Uh-huh.”
Kikuchi-san and I fidgeted nervously, the shrine building looming over
us.
The couple ahead of us swung the hanging rope to ring the bell, then
brought their hands together in prayer and stood silently for a moment before giving each other a slightly embarrassed look and walking off to the right. They were joking around happily about what they’d wished for.
Not long ago, I’d probably have been watching them with a feeling even I couldn’t define, somewhere between hatred and jealousy. But not this time.
Of course, being there with Kikuchi-san was part of the reason—but

really, I think my view of dating itself had changed.
I even thought that couple was kinda cute. Amazing how people can change.
“Here we go!” I was a little silly about it as I took a step forward. I think I wanted us to have fun, or maybe I just wanted to shake off my slightly sentimental mood. Kikuchi-san smiled at me.
She stepped forward, too, and the two of us grabbed the thick rope hanging down and clanged the bell. The sound melted into the blue circle of sky above the trees, a little different to my ears than when other people had rung it.
We let go of the rope, then each brought our hands together and closed our eyes.
But what to wish for?
Every time I come to a place like this, I remember that I don’t like praying for things.
I mean, I’ve always tried to get what I wanted through my own effort— usually something related to Atafami. I completely ignored the things that didn’t matter to me, which, until I met Hinami, included “real life,” and did what I made up my mind to do. That’s the type of person I was.
In my opinion, effort was the quickest way to get what I wanted, and there was no reason to force myself to do stuff I didn’t want to do. Even now that I’m playing the game of life and deepening my relationships with people, my fundamental way of thinking hasn’t changed.
I’m my own person. When it comes to actualizing my choices, even choices about depending on other people, effort is hands down the best strategy.
In which case, when it came to what to pray for—I figured I’d better go with my old standard.
I prayed, made my wish, and opened my eyes. I shifted my gaze from the imposing shrine to Kikuchi-san at my left. Her eyes were still closed and her lips pressed together. The even line of her nose and chin were as pretty as a doll’s, and the smooth texture of her white skin brought to mind fresh snow.
“…”
I couldn’t help staring at her.
Her presence was so still, I could get lost in it. Obviously, she was quiet because she wasn’t saying anything, but I felt like the air around her and even

time itself had stopped moving. The cold rays of the sun slanted onto her, deepening the black of her long eyelashes.
Her eyes stayed closed for a long time. She must have been wishing for something big. Her expression was so earnest and beautiful.
Suddenly, her eyes opened. Startled, I quickly turned away, then looked back. She looked at me, too, and when our eyes met, we both smiled a little shyly. Without saying anything, we nodded at each other.
“Um, should we go?” “Y-yes.”
That shyness was still there, weird, and hard to explain as we slipped off to the side of the shrine. I’d definitely been missing this vibe.
“You were praying for a long time.” “Tee-hee, I guess I was.”
Side by side, we started to stroll around the grounds of the shrine.
To the right and left were stalls selling amulets, souvenirs, and little bamboo rakes covered in decorations. The path running through the center was packed with people. We chatted as we walked.
“You finished before me, right? What did you wish for?”
“Um…what did you wish for?” I asked, instead of answering her. Hmm, am I misusing my newfound communication skills?
“Um…,” she said, looking away awkwardly. “It’s a secret.” She was blushing.
“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” “Tee-hee. I told you—it’s a secret.” “Now I’m curious.”
We went on talking contentedly about nothing much.
We were just the same as the couple in front of us—and suddenly, I remembered. Oh right, I’m dating Kikuchi-san.
나무가 늘어선 길을 계속 내려가 또 다른 신사 문 아래를 지나자 돌과 자갈로 포장된 광장이 나왔습니다.히카와 신사는 사이타마에서 가장 큰 신사 중 하나입니다. 매년 200만 명 이상의 사람들이 한 해의 첫 참배를 위해 이곳을 찾는다고 들었습니다.도쿄에는 히카와 신사라고 불리는 곳이 많지만, 오미야에 있는 이 신사가 그 중에서도 대표 신사입니다. 신도 종교로 보면 오미야가 일본의 수도라는 뜻이겠죠.광장은 나무로 둘러싸여 있었습니다. 넓고 평평한 회색 땅을 신발로 채우려는 듯 활기찬 군중들이 그 안에서 뒤엉켜 있었습니다. 지루함과 일상에서 벗어난다는 느낌이 번갈아 가며 군중은 달팽이 속도로 움직이며 불안해했습니다."와우..."키쿠치 씨는 이런 상황이 익숙하지 않은 듯 주위를 둘러보았다. "이런 데는 자주 안 오세요?"그녀는 고개를 저었다. "항상 가족들과 함께 오기 때문에..." "어?"나는 그녀가 무슨 뜻인지 이해하지 못했다. 그녀는 나를 올려다보며 차분하게 웃었다. "아, 그냥 다른 이유로 오면 모든 것이 다르게 보인다는 뜻이었어요.""오..."그녀의 말은 제가 어떻게 해석하느냐에 따라 당황스러웠을 수도 있지만, 무슨 뜻인지 어느 정도는 이해했습니다."같네요. 이제야 모든 것이 보이는 것 같아요."키쿠치 씨의 눈이 어린아이처럼 반짝였다. "무슨 말인지 알겠어요!" 그녀는 열광적으로 고개를 끄덕였습니다."다른 사람을 따라가는 게 아니라 내가 가고 싶은 곳으로 가는 거예요.""맞아요!" 그녀는 천진난만하게 웃으며 목소리가 힘차게 높아졌습니다. "우리가 함께 갈 장소와 사람을 선택했으니 말이 되죠.우리 스스로 선택했으니까요." 그녀가 아무렇지도 않게 말했다. 저는 그럴 준비가 되어 있지 않았어요. "오...어...그래요. 맞아요."내가 살짝 고개를 돌리자 그녀는 혼란스러워하며 고개를 기울였다. "무슨 일이야?""음, 어, 그냥..." "네?"이걸 어떻게 표현해야 할지 모르겠지만, 사귀기 시작한 이후로 키쿠치 양은 자신의 생각을 좀 더 직접적으로 말하기 시작했고, 덕분에 저도 그녀와 더 편해졌지만, 가끔은 그녀가 의미를 깨닫지 못한 채 말을 꺼내는 것 같아서 당황스러울 때도 있었습니다."너랑 같이 있는 사람...""음? ...오." 그녀의 뺨이 사과라면 금방 익을 텐데, 워낙 가까이 서 있었으니 당연히 나에게도 퍼졌다. 조심하지 않으면 그런 말은 오코입니다."어, 그래, 그래서... 그래." "아, 음, 그래..."다시 한 번, 우리는 가까이 다가갔다가 편안함에도 불구하고 부끄러워하며 뒤로 물러났습니다."오, 어, 봐요! 사람들이 줄을 서 있네요!" "아, 그래요!"그래도 저는 함께한 시간이 좋았습니다. 거리감이 느껴지는 것조차도요.\* \* \*"다음은 우리 차례야.""응."키쿠치 씨와 나는 긴장한 채로 안절부절못하며 신사 건물을 바라봤다.우리.우리 앞에 있던 커플이 종을 치기 위해 줄을 휘두르더니두 손을 모아 기도하듯 잠시 조용히 서 있다가 서로에게 약간 부끄러운 표정을 지으며 오른쪽으로 걸어갔습니다. 그들은 소원을 빌었던 것에 대해 즐겁게 농담을 주고받았습니다.얼마 전까지만 해도 저는 증오와 질투 사이 어딘가에서 정의할 수 없는 감정으로 그들을 바라보고 있었을 것입니다. 하지만 이번에는 아니었습니다.물론 키쿠치 씨와 함께 있었던 것도 이유 중 하나지만연애에 대한 제 생각이 바뀐 것 같아요.그 커플이 귀엽다는 생각도 들었어요. 사람이 이렇게 변할 수 있다는 게 신기하네요."자, 간다!" 한 발짝 다가서면서 조금 어리석었던 것 같아요. 재미있게 놀고 싶었던 건지, 아니면 약간 감상적인 제 기분을 떨쳐버리고 싶었던 건지 모르겠네요. 키쿠치 씨가 미소를 지었다.키쿠치 씨도 한 발짝 앞으로 나섰고, 우리 둘은 매달린 굵은 밧줄을 잡고 종을 쳤다. 그 소리는 나무 위의 푸른 하늘에 녹아들었고, 다른 사람들이 종을 쳤을 때와는 조금 다른 느낌으로 제 귀에 들렸습니다.우리는 밧줄을 놓아주고 각자 두 손을 모으고 눈을 감았습니다.하지만 무엇을 빌어야 할까요?이런 곳에 올 때마다 저는 기도하는 것을 좋아하지 않는다는 것을 기억합니다.저는 항상 제 노력으로 원하는 것을 얻으려고 노력해왔고, 주로 아타파미와 관련된 것이었거든요. 히나미를 만나기 전까지는 '현실적인 삶'을 포함해 저에게 중요하지 않은 것들은 완전히 무시하고 제가 하기로 마음먹은 일만 했어요. 저는 그런 사람이었습니다.제 생각에는 노력하는 것이 원하는 것을 얻는 가장 빠른 방법이었으며, 하기 싫은 일을 억지로 할 이유가 없었습니다. 인생이라는 게임을 하고 사람들과의 관계가 깊어지고 있는 지금도 제 근본적인 사고방식은 변하지 않았습니다.저는 제 자신입니다. 내가 선택한 것을 실현하는 데 있어서, 심지어 다른 사람에게 의존하는 선택을 하는 데 있어서도 노력은 최고의 전략입니다.그렇다면 무엇을 위해 기도할 것인가에 관해서는 예전의 기준을 따르는 것이 좋겠다고 생각했습니다.기도하고 소원을 빌고 눈을 떴습니다. 저는 위풍당당한 신사에서 왼쪽에 있는 키쿠치 씨로 시선을 옮겼습니다. 그녀는 여전히 눈을 감고 입술을 다물고 있었습니다. 코와 턱의 고른 라인은 인형처럼 예뻤고, 부드러운 감촉은