Well, "losing it" might be a bit harsh on myself, but I'm feeling a bit torn on this.

I have a friend who has been involved with a cult that has been stalking him in the US. He fled to Mexico to pick himself up and I've been sending long messages of encouragement, suggesting books and ways to get him back on recovery for about 2 months now, since he's been saying he's felt suicidal. He's broke, so I sent him £150 to look after himself, even though I've been out of work for over 6 months and not exactly in a great place myself.

He was doing well until the cult started sending him messages again, and he said he's feeling suicidal again and hasn't tried cutting off contact with people hard enough so they don't reach him. He said he's going to cut contact off with me as well as a result, and if I want my money back, I just have to let him know. 

To me this felt like a dick move, as I felt he's putting the decision on me to take the money back and leave him worse off, and to cut off contact with me just seemed ridiculous, as he's saying I'm the only person to pull through for him. I just can't grasp how that, and the loaning money (which I'd never see back again anyway, I knew) means cutting me off would be good for either of us.

I get he's in a dark and paranoid place, but still. 

I sent him a reply saying he's going to sleep on it and feel like a dumbass for that message. He read it and didn't reply, so I asked him if he'd given up on the amateur dramatics. 

He's now blocked me and kept the money. I never expected it back, and either way I want him to have it because he clearly needs it... But I don't know if I'm a dick for the messages I sent and not being a bit more understanding (I kind of exhausted myself on listening to him complain up until he decided to cut me off) or if he's just being really dishonorable here?

I was suicidal 2 years ago and nobody was there for me, so I decided I'd try and be there for somebody else, but I never foresaw someone making it so hard.

Am I the dickhead here? I even feel bad for thinking if someone is going to do something like that, they shouldn't put the pressure on the other person to decide what to do with the money, and if you're going to block and cut someone off like that, you shouldn't run off with their cash?

I'm really confused whether I'm the asshole here? I think I am because of my expectations I might be projecting on him? 