Hear me out. 

My boyfriend has been talking about wanting to study in the Netherlands ever since we met. However, he had to retake his A-Levels exams and therefore missed many deadlines for uni applications, limiting his choices; not to mention he also didn’t score high enough to earn scholarships so many places were out of his price range. He considered just attending uni locally instead where he has a chance of doing a twinning programme in Australia, so he applied and got accepted. It’s important to note that he also gets a pretty big family discount at this uni. 

The problem is this uni is pretty lacklustre in terms of facilities for his course which really worries him. He began applying to unis in the Netherlands and actually got accepted into all 3 that he applied for (I’m so proud of him!). While the facilities there would be far better than the ones here, the major concern is that a huge loan would have to be taken out in order for him to study there. Other concerns would be our relationship, him not being able to fly back during breaks due to air tickets being so pricey, and just generally him being away for 4 years with a 7-8 hour time difference. 

Personally, I’m conflicted. I know I don’t have much of a say in this, but I really want him to stay not only due to our relationship (I realise that I am selfish in this regard) but also because his parents are old and I’m worried what if anything happens? However I also really want him to go to the Netherlands if that’s what’s gonna be best for him because I want him to thrive in life. I’ve told him all of this before, and I also made him promise me that he wouldn’t base his choice around me. 

I’ve tried my best to not let my personal feelings get in the way of any discussions we have regarding his final choice, but one day something in me just snapped and I said some really mean and hurtful things, and basically just tried to guilt trip him into staying. I have since apologised, he accepted my apology and we made up. He subsequently decided to just attend uni locally; I was really worried that this choice was affected by our fight but he reassured me that it wasn’t, and that this is his choice entirely. However I just feel really bad about it because I don’t want him to regret this later on and then resent me for it. 

So Reddit, AITA for maybe affecting his decision? Was it wrong of me to take our relationship into consideration, or tell him about what I thought? I’m still so conflicted, please help. 