Okay so I'm married and I have a crush on my coworker. Here's a little back story of my marriage: we have been together almost 3 years, got engaged after 7 months, married after about a year and a half. For our entire relationship, he's had crappy jobs and I've talked to him multiple times about trying to find something better. My mom is about to die from cancer and we recently had a major blowout. I told him I want him to stay in a hotel because I need to process my mom's death alone. He ended up punching our old TV screen until it was shattered and he caused a contusion in his hand.

Side note: A few months ago I started asking him about his resume and he would immediately change the subject. I made him sit down with me to edit his resume so I could apply to jobs for him because he wouldn't (even though I made it clear for months that I want him to find something better so we can save for our future). I kept applying for him and he wouldn't respond to the emails. 

After our blowout, him punching the TV and each of us yelling at each other, the next day he acted like NOTHING HAPPENED. I walked in and he runs up to me to give me a hug. He keeps talking about his feelings but he hasn't been there at all for me during this time with my mom. His mom had cancer when he was 6 and he was told she would pass (she didn't), but he's the least understanding person. 

I have a crush on my coworker because he's there for me more than my husband is. Am I the asshole?