I am a man in my early 20s, but because of my mental issues (I have anti social personality disorder) I have never been able to find a real friend who shares my interest. I had girlfriends in high school but it was sort of a detached relationship and I ghosted them after I graduated.

I just can't connect with people very well. I started spending more and more time online, finding chat rooms and forming bonds with people that I would easily break after I got bored. Then, in a local chatroom, I met Samantha. 

She was older than me, but not yet 30. She is an EMT, and very cute. I myself am a firefighter but for a different county, but we had a lot in common to talk about. She hasn't been diagnosed but she shares my interests and my dark sense of humor.

She is also very kind too me. Sending me birthday wishes and christmas greetings, I would do the same. When I finally showed her my face I was afraid she would rebuff me as I have a pretty bad scar on my face from my childhood, but she was fine with me and said I was very handsome.

Mainly I enjoyed just talking with her and opening up about things I could never tell anyone else, things I haven't ever told my therapist. She makes me feel "human".

We eventually meet up since we only live like 30 minutes away. The first thing I notice is that shes wearing a wedding ring. Shes married. I felt my heart sink. She apologizes to me and said that she has been married for four years, and that she wanted to stop our convos but she feels like she has a connection to me.

I asked her what she wanted, and she said that she needs to remain faithful because of her daughter. I tell her ok, and we decide just to be friends.

That didn't last. All of our convos end up being about how much we care about one another. We meet weekly now, we don't have sex, we just sort of bond together. Talk, hold  hands. I have never had this connection with someone before.

We also sext, though we make it clear that we wont make it physical. She tells me she loves me more than her husband.

I am so torn, because I feel like this is my soulmate. We've been doing this for eight months. Its getting more and more intense, and I know I love her.

But I also sometimes wish I never met her, because shes married with a daughter. I want her so bad. She tells me the same. We both say we love each other.

I know, that the correct thing to do is to break it off, but shes the one person ive been able to truly be myself around. The one person I really feel for. Its like someone else has my heart chained up, and theres no way for me to get it back.

Am I the asshole for not breaking it off?