We'd been friends for 8 years and she had a hard life and went through a lot of shit in her life - narcissistic mother who was manipulative and kicked her out often until she managed to move out at 20ish years old. I tried my best to be there for her and support her, talking and letting her stay over my uni house for a couple days and so on.

We lost contact for a bit but then reconnected when I was in the final year of my undergraduate and began my masters. I lived an hour away by train.

We messaged everyday, met up and played video games often but gradually I became busier and struggled more with my mental health. I cancelled on meeting up more often than I would go and wouldn't have time for video games or two hour phone calls.

She got tired with me not giving her enough attention and we had an argument over me not spending enough time with her. I apologised and promised it wouldn't happen again. I worked hard to meet up and play video games over the coming months.

But unfortunately my mental health decreased further with increased stress from my Masters course, working 3 days a week and struggling with self harm and feelings of suicide. I made sure that I messaged her every day to stay in touch but had to consistently turn down gaming requests and phone calls - which would be a minimum of 2 hours. I was barely surviving getting out of bed, working on my thesis and eating. I hadn't even switched on my tv or hung out with uni friends for the past two months.

A week before my birthday and deadline for my thesis project, I get a message after cancelling on a meet up i made in a brief moment of positivity, telling me that she deserves better people in her life, has tried to be there for me but needs to think of herself, then calls me a selfish bitch and that she needs a friend now and cant wait another second. 

I begged for another chance, promised to change and cried my eyes out, but she said goodbye.


 I graduated and moved back home a week later. Some time passed with no contact other than her liking my photos on Instagram. I was mad that she thought she could cut me out of her life that way and then continue to like my photos, so I blocked her.

She confronted me about blocking her and then we spoke again about what happened and she tried to understand my side of the story, apologised for what she said and I accepted and apologised for not thinking of her feelings and how me not spending time with her made her feel, especially considering her anxiety, depression and abandonment issues stemming from her mother. 

But I was still absolutely furious about what had happened and grieved the loss of the friendship. 

We spoke for a bit but i realised that i hadnt forgiven her for the way she treated me. I went on a night out with my old school friends and it made me realise that even though we'd (school friends) met up 3-4 times a year and spoken infrequently, we all were just thrilled to see each other and understood that life gets in the way but doesn't affect our friendship and love for each other. Even when I'd cancelled on meeting up with them more often than not and they had done the same to me.

I got drunk and angry, reread all the old messages and sent a strongly worded text telling my best friend to go fuck herself, that it was over. She was draining and self-centred. I'm not the meek little mousy girl who would follow her around anymore and be treated like shit at the worst and lowest moment of my life.

Further texts were sent back and forth and I didn't hold back. I was a dick about it. I could have been nicer, but I was so angry and just relieved that I had finally said what had been bubbling away since she sent that text before my birthday and I'd rolled over and begged for her back.

I regret the way I did it, but I don't regret the outcome. 

It probably makes me a cunt, but I'm glad it's over. I would have been cut out again by her later on and made to feel like shit later in my life when I got a full time job/partner/moved because life just fucking happens, I don't owe anyone my time in the way she seemed to expect from me. 

So yeah, I've tried to be honest here and not leave anything out.

What do you guys think, am I the arsehole for ending the friendship?
