Hello all. I’ve got a weird one today.

Posted on r/relationships as well because I both want to know what should be done and also want to know if I’m the asshole here. I'll refer to my little brother as John.

Long, sorry. See the bottom for a TL;DR


Background: me [F 22] and my little brother [M 19] live at home with our parents [MF 62]. I am attending a nearby university for a one-year grad school program and working on the weekends. John graduated high school a few months ago, dropped out of community college, and is trying to get a job in IT. He has had two 3-month positions and has not searched for a new one when this job ends in three weeks. John aspires to be a Twitch streamer. My parents both work – my mother being a nurse and my father being a contractor. It may also be important to note that we all have mental illness problems in my family. My parents, myself, and my older brother all cope well and use medication for various forms of depression. John has GAD, depression, and some unknown mood disorder. He is not compliant with his medications.


My family has always had cats. My two brothers (28 and 19) are allergic to cats, but my older brother adopted a cat before he knew he was allergic. Over time they acclimated to our cat and had no problems unless they rubbed their faces in her fur. Our first cat was killed by a loose dog a few years ago and we adopted another. When my older brother moved out he took that cat with him. Since then, we (my parents and I) have missed having an animal in the house.


My father grew up with all sorts of cats, dogs, and farm animals. He loves them all. My mother grew up with a dog. She’s not so much a cat person, but mainly because the cats we’ve had haven’t been lap cats, which she values. As I said, they miss having an animal presence. Now that we’re grown, my parents decided they wanted a dog. They’re getting older (62) and haven’t had a dog in 35 years due to my brothers’ allergies. We had no idea that they’ve been wanting one for decades. We were all happy that they were finally able to do something for themselves after caring for us for years. They adopted a beautiful, 9-year-old, 80lb mutt named Hank. He thought he was a lap dog, never barked, and was so chill. Within a few days, however, they had to return him to the shelter. John has a phobia of dogs due to prior experience, however, he said he loved Hank and didn’t mind having a dog. John was apparently so afraid of Hank that he wouldn’t leave his room. I can’t blame him for not knowing how it would affect him. Still, this surprised us as he loved Hank at the shelter and agreed happily. Maybe he was just trying to make our parents happy. Regardless, they were devastated.


Now, a few years later, we’ve been discussing getting a cat. I unintendedly brought up the conversation but showing my parents pictures of cute cats and constantly saying “I love cats”. As hard as it is to believe, I was not planning or hoping to get a cat. I will only be living with my parents for another year and I wouldn’t want to dump a cat on them. That would be selfish. I can still vicariously enjoy them. Apparently, my comments made them consider it, and they called a family meeting. Everyone agreed, including John, although he was rather apathetic. So we went to the shelter, fell in love with a 6-year-old bonded pair, and started filling out the paperwork. John found a tiny 4-month old kitten that he wanted, but my parents said no because honestly it will probably outlive them. At this point, a woman with a tiny, yapping purse dog came in. John's anxiety shot up so he went outside. We were signing the last form when he came back and said he doesn’t want a cat. My father and I were, again, heartbroken.


John's reasoning for not wanting a cat:

1.	He walks fast and is afraid of spooking the cat.

2.	Animals make him anxious.

3.	He does not want the cat to chew his computer cables.

4.	He’s allergic.


2 and 4 are valid. 1 is understandable but not necessarily a real issue. 3 I would consider bogus. A cat is not a chinchilla. 


Here’s the kicker. Last week he changed his mind. He told us, expecting us to praise him and thank him. We did not. We planned to go to the shelter yesterday. John called my older brother and complained, saying he feels outnumbered. After this comment, we had another meeting. My parents tried calmly to explain why they want a cat and he exploded (his honest-to-goodness usual reaction to being told “no”). My mother decided it’s not worth it. She feels like saying yes to one is saying no to the other.


Naturally, I’m mad over all of this. John has a history of being extremely emotionally manipulative towards my parents. He’s typically gotten what he wants. 


So AITA here? I don’t know what the appropriate response is. It’s 3-against-1 but is it acceptable to overlook the concerns of one family member for the wants of another? That seems wrong.





TL;DR My adult brother does not want my family to have a cat. The rest of us do. AITA?
