Trigger alert: *This may come across strongly as an Incel rant. Let's be honest, people aren't born incels, they develop into terrible people because they don't understand how to deal with the real world. Sometimes they are niceguys and their Incel future is inevitable unless they get lucky early. Sometimes they are just stupid (like me) and can't figure anything out and lash out because the world is a dark and lonely place*.

The coworker (referred to as "she" and "her" hereafter) had been in a long term committed relationship since she was in high school. Not several, the same one. She broke up with her boyfriend for a period when he failed to meet her ultimatum to ask her to marry; and then they got back together almost six months later where he finally proposed a year after that. So to say that she's invested in that relationship is seriously paraphrasing things. Last week she found out that he had been cheating on her, and being the self-respecting woman that she is, she broke off the engagement and moved out. She's been taking it how any reasonable person would: some days it's a relief to have dodged a bullet and other days it's hugely sad. I've tried to be as supportive as I can without assuming getting involved in her personal life. When she's comfortable talking about things, I listen; and when she needs to be alone, I'll make up an excuse to leave my desk.

Last week I decided to buy myself flowers and a gift basket for Valentine's day so I wouldn't be the only person to not get anything. It's not a huge deal, but I wanted to pretend that this year was going to be different even if I had to fake it before I could make it (it's a saying). Then we find out that she broke up with her fiance and I just feel terrible knowing that I'm going to receive a gaudy present that's going to remind her that she's ended her relationship.

Today seems like one of the sad days, so I offer to get lunch for us at one of the take-out restaurants nearby. While I'm out, the package arrives. I find out when I come back and the door to our shared office is locked (I told her she could close the door any time she needed privacy, i.e. crying). I leave the food at a nearby table and tell her that it's available whenever she's ready to have it, and that I'll be eating in the break room. She recovers and day goes by as normal.

That's all context, here's the conflict:

We both use Kik and there's a chat room that (coincidentally) we both joined. Later in the day, the people in chat keep going on with Valentine's memes. I comment that I can't wait for the holiday to be over and for it to be the next holiday already. One of the guys, we'll call him Adam, suggests that I find another single person to spend my Valentine's day as a solution to my hating the holiday. I reply that I don't want to be an asshole, but I'm not single for a lack of trying. That's when she adds to chat "lol Adam".

Like, excuse me? You were just bawling your eyes out an hour ago because you recently ended your relationship. Do you really need to laugh at me for finding it hard to cope with being single? We've talked about the topic of dating through the past couple years working together, so I understand that she read my complaint as "I'm lazy and I don't want to learn how to find love" but I don't think that excuses her dismissive attitude. Particularly because she knows my perspective on that exact topic: "I don't understand what I'm doing wrong and if anyone could tell me then I would proactively fix myself." I feel double slighted because I'm going out of my way to be supportive through her hardship (not in some niceguy "you owe me now" sort of way though, I've meant it in a mutual respect sort of way).

I don't know man. I'm pretty sure I'm an asshole for a lot of things, but I don't feel like this is one of them. Valentine's day is a celebration of romantic relationships and I've never felt it was helpful to be exhibitionists about how happy people are like it's some kind of dick measuring contest. I'm just trying to express that I don't appreciate all the Valentine's day memes in a non-confrontational way in what's normally a safe space. I seriously don't feel right being laughed at for it.

Am I the asshole for expressing how much I hate Valentine's day, when my coworker has a much more pressing reason to be upset today; and now I'm upset that she's laughing at me about it?

Disclaimer: I am great with constructive criticism. I am terrible with insults masquerading as criticism. Since this is Reddit, I know I'm going to have to sift through a ton of the latter before finding the former. And because Rule2 demands I not call you a piece of shit for ignoring all but two sentences out of context, I'm disabling automatic notifications. I'll check back in before 18 hours and reply to anyone who seems like they need more relevant facts to give a fair judgement.