Backstory:  Started dating at 17.  A month later she tried to break up with me while I thought things were going well.  I drove to her house in the middle of the night to find out what she was so upset about.  Turns out that she was pregnant.  We had only started having sex a couple of weeks prior.  My naive dumb ass asked if it was mine and of course it turns out she's pregnant by one of the biggest losers in school, her ex-boyfriend whom she dumped after realizing what a piece of shit he was.  

(Side note, this dude has 4 kids;  my step-daughter, her half-brother (adopted by a new awesome father), a child with down syndrome whom he had with this 40+yo wife who died in a car accident, and another girl who got pregnant and ran to Washington state to get away from him.)

I digress.  The entire pregnancy was a nightmare.  The father would stir up drama every chance he got and caused nothing but problems.  Tried to fight me at the NICU she was in for 3 months as she was born 2 months early, started rumors at school, confronted me, etc.  My father-in-law sat us both down and gave us this talk:  "Life is about pussy. . ." basically made us shake hands and agree to be gentleman.  That didn't last long as he started stalking us.  Also, while it was his weekend with the baby, we would see him at the mall by himself or with friends and no baby.  When asked, of course his parents were watching her.  Fast forward many years of compulsive lying and general neglect, HE CALLS CPS...ON US.  Told his doctor we were putting cigarettes out on her which was in no shape or form true in any way.  She's a "picker" and had picked some bug bites or whatever and of course when you pick your wounds they look worse.  She still does it today.  We decided after all the drama and all the pain he's caused our beloved daughter that he didn't deserve to see her anymore.  The child support payments stopped immediately.  It's now been 7 years without a single payment, but this isn't about him. 

My wife is a type 1 diabetic with multiple complications as a result of her not taking care of herself.  We have struggled to get her on any kind of insurance or coverage that would help her with her diabetes.  While I was in the Army, she had Tricare which was awesome and even left us with 6 months of supplies after the fact which was a life saver.  Her complications go from being like 90% blind (maybe worse, eye appointment upcoming) - can't read the big E on the eye chart to missing toes to nerve damage to diabetic gastroparesis.  We are days apart (age 31) and she's suffering badly.  Now, all that being said, she doesn't check her blood sugar regularly, doesn't take insulin properly, prefers to have a blood sugar &gt;200 as opposed to 100-200 where it's supposed to be because being "low" feels so much worse than a blood sugar high.  Food?  Psh.  Anything fried or covered in sugar is her favorite.  Donuts, french fries, burgers, anything sweet that isn't chocolate.  I KNOW I don't help.  My diet sucks, I eat fast food constantly and I'm a little overweight and I love the sweets too.  Here's the difference:  I know I eat like shit and I want to change it.  I've made several attempts to change my diet and excersize more only to fail over and over again.  I've managed to stick to a "low-carb, high vegetable, low-fat" diet for a few weeks at a time, during which she is AWFUL.  Complains constantly, never stops talking about ice cream or gummy bears.  When we were short on time one evening, I said "Hey, I'm going to burger king to get a salad...do you want one?" - trying to at least nudge her in the general right direction.  'No, get me the triple double bacon with cheese and extra fries with a giant diet coke'.  I've tried this HUNDREDS of times to convince her to eat right.  Here's the thing, she's beautiful, gorgeous and FAR from fat.  I'm not trying to get her to eat right so she'll lose weight, I'm trying to get her to eat right to save her fucking life.  We've accumulated probably over $1,000,000 in hospital bills due to 9-10 emergency room visits a year.  When she gets sick, they usually keep her in the hospital at least a week and the recovery at home can be 2-4 weeks at which point the cycle starts over again where she's getting sick in that timeframe and right back in the hospital with an infection, DKA, gastroparesis symptoms, etc.  

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We started couples counseling last year but it only lasted a couple of months.  I started therapy and seeing a medications-provider (pyschiatrist) at the same time.  I have VA care so I can use all the healthcare options they have available including couples counseling but it does not include my wife's personal care.  During counseling last year (\~May 2018) our counselor asked to give our relationship 2 more months during counseling.  We did all kinds of "homework" like remembering how we felt when we were first together and all this emotional stuff, but, I don't think she understood(the therapist).  I LOVE my wife.  Deeply, strongly and faithfully.  I've never been unfaithful and I tell her everything.  She's the only person in the world I can literally be myself around and she won't hate me for it, at least that's how I feel.  But, I don't know if I explained everything right or what, but, my problems with my wife are tangible REAL problems, not emotional ones.  It was always difficult to get her in the mood for sex but now that she's been sick(3 years now), it's stopped pretty much completely.  When it DOES happen, it's awful for both of us.  I know that sex isn't everything so I've looked past that.  I've asked her at least 1,000 times to do any of the following:  A)  Get a job, go to work, do something.  B)  Apply for college, go back to school, get some student loans, etc.  C)  Apply for disability.  If you're too sick to work, then you must be disabled.  With disability and/or a job comes health insurance, with health insurance you can see the doctors you need to see.  With doctors comes the inevitable healthier lifestyle and therefore positive changes in her health.  I gave the counselor the two months she asked for and I thought HARD about my relationship for months, I'm still thinking about it.  That August, I told my wife that I had made my decision and I wanted to separate.  I told her that I wanted our daughter to finish 6th grade before we split up the family.  She just started middle school and is in band for the first time and she's really been struggling to find herself this year.  I love our daughter as much as I love my wife.  I have asked and begged and pleaded my wife not to take her away from me like we did her biological father.  She swears she's going to let me continue being her "dad" forever.  I have every intention of taking care of her until I'm incapable of doing so.  Here's the dad thing too - we've lost 2 babies to miscarriage and had 1 early pregnancy loss during our 10+year relationship.  I have no biological children and that bothers me a lot.  She knows and we've NEVER used protection, birth control, nor have I ever really pulled out.  We know that we SHOULDN'T have more children because it would endanger her life but she wanted to give me a child and I wanted to give her one.  Fortunately, now, that never happened.  It now appears that we will never conceive a child of our own nor will she ever DO ANYTHING with her life nor will she ever be able to drive herself again nor will she be able to take care of her own daughter by herself.  In the last 2 years she's missed Halloween, Christmas, first period, Thanksgiving...and more that I can't think of, because she was in the hospital.    


I don't blame her for being a diabetic, I don't blame her for all of the things that "just happened" to her.  I DO, however, blame her for her poor choices in taking care of herself.  I DO blame her for NOT CARING ENOUGH about her own life to get herself right for our daughter.  I have a small glimmer of hope, less than 1% chance, that she'll let our daughter stay with me when we separate.  I gave her almost an entire year to figure something out and here we are, 3 months away from the date that was set and she's WORSE now than last year instead of better.    


TL;DR:  Type 1 diabetic wife doesn't take care of herself, has serious complications from it, has no intentions of fixing anything or getting healthier and has been quoted as saying "I just want to get her to 18" (our daughter).  I'm letting her stay with me and I'm still taking care of her until May when we "separate" - probably followed by divorce.    


AITA?!

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This is really hard for me to post because I have anxiety really bad and I think everyone is going to be angry at me.  I'm not a bad person, just in a bad situation and I don't see any other solution.

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