My girlfriend just moved into my home. This is the first time I have ever been in a live in situation with a woman, but we both felt that after dating for eight months it would be a nice next step.

There have been several bumps. For one, I am used to living alone. I realize however that some things would change, but I just haven't fully changed my living habits yet.

One of these habits is that I enjoy watching pornography on my laptop. Not just that, this is not exactly "normal" pornography. I have been diagnosed with APD (antisocial personality disorder), and display the characteristics of a sociopath. I medicate with several antipsychotics and antidepressants. My girlfriend knows about this and accepts it.

However, I find sexual gratification from extreme scenarios. My therapist is aware of this and discourages me from engaging in violent fantasy, but I do it anyway. Without going in to too many details, I routinely look up fantasy rape porn, and snuff films to masturbate too. 

Recently my now live in girlfriend was using my laptop without permission, and discovered a rape fantasy in my bookmarks. She confronted me about this, and I was enraged that she went through my computer without permission.

She knows that I enjoy BDSM from our own sexual encounters, and she herself is highly into the "kink" scene, as well as having her own rape fantasies. However, her fantasies are much different than mine, and she doesn't truly understand that. I also don't think she truly grasps what im going through with APD as I don't like to discuss it with her.

She herself very playfully brought up me participating in a rape fantasy with her where I pretend to be a home invader, which was the subject of my rape fantasy video. I react very negatively about this. The desire is there on my part, but there would be a mix of reality and fiction that worries me given my disorder. 

The BDSM we engaged in was still under the pretense of consent (ie instead of her being my "victim" she was a willing sextoy who I dominated). 

She is very weirded out by reaction, and finds it disturbing that I can't separate reality from fiction. Which I CAN, thats why I realize fusing the two would be very extreme. She is now angry because I am not communicating, when we both agreed we could talk about anything.

I feel very conflicted about the entire situation, I feel angry, lustful, and now I feel like I shouldn't have dismissed her so quickly. I also feel angry that she even presented me with the temptation.

Am I the asshole?