I have a second cousin, I’ll call Bill, who is kind of obsessed with me. I have been avoiding family functions so that I don’t have to deal with him. My other cousin, Ann, is getting married and really wants me to be at the wedding but I don’t want to go if Bill is going to be there. Ann and I are close but Bill is her adopted brother. (Bill isn’t related to any of us by blood) Ann would undoubtably feel super weird and bad about telling him he can’t come to her wedding but she also wants me to be a bridesmaid. 
I don’t want to force her to choose between us but Bill is nuts. He’s been mad at me for not going out with him more than a decade ago and acts like I ruined his life by telling him no. He’s even convinced some other family members that I’m a shallow bully just because I’m not attracted to him. There are several family members who have taken his side and act like I hurt him on purpose and/or call me a race traitor.  Every time a relationship has ended for me in the last 14 years he has gotten all loud about how I should have gone with him when I had the chance. He still asks if I’m single and trash talks my significant other to this day. I have no patience for him and his nice guy shenanigans. Would I be the asshole if I told Ann that I won’t come to her wedding if Bill is there? 

