I’m confused at the moment. I just escaped an awkward, unfinished argument with my brother and his girlfriend. To preface this, my brother, his girlfriend, and I live in an apartment together and split the rent three ways. On the way home after being away with his girlfriend for three days, my brother texts me that I better have kept up with my dishes, as he knows I’m one to procrastinate on cleaning up after myself. I reassured him by texting back that I had cleaned all of my dishes after I had eaten dinner. He replies with ‘Since I made waffles and you got to enjoy them, it only makes sense for you to clean the waffle stuff’. The Thursday before he left, my brother left me a waffle and enough waffle batter in a large bowl for more waffles in the fridge. While they were gone, I ate the waffle and used the batter to make two more. Taking his reply to mean he wanted me to wash his waffle bowl he left in the fridge, I reply with ‘That doesn’t make sense, and I haven’t washed the waffle bowl’. This started an argument between my brother and I.

My brother believes that I should repay his act of kindness with kindness; that him giving me waffles and batter should be repaid by me cleaning up after him. He believes that if I refuse to clean the waffle bowl, it would be wrong.

I believe that I shouldn’t have to clean any mess I didn’t make. My brother should be responsible for cleaning up after his own messes, acts of kindness involved or not. Him giving me waffles is irrelevant; he sullied the bowl, he should have to clean it. Had I known I was supposedly morally obligated to clean after my brother’s waffle mess, I wouldn’t have accepted his waffles or batter. For him to offer something to me and decide that I’m unspokenly indebted to him for accepting isn’t right.

They get home an hour later, and my brother’s girlfriend confronts me about the situation. She tells me she’s disappointed in me. She’s taken my brothers side, and has interpreted my disagreement with my brother as an attack against our friendship and our arrangement. She says it’s fine if you want to just be a roommate, only paying your side of living expenses, but for you to not contribute in this circumstance is unfriendly. I walk out of the conversation, as it quickly dawned upon me how badly this escalated and how she’s misinterpreted the situation. I’m going to bed now; I’m gonna have to think about how to handle this.

TLDR: Am I the asshole for refusing to clean up after my brother’s mess he made making waffles, even if he gave me some?