I’ve been friends with a girl, let’s call her Kate, for three years now. We’re in high school, and have been considered Best Friends™️ for the entire time we’ve known each other. This year, however, was different. 

Not only did she begin to literally ignore my existence, she would get mad at me when I was in a bad mood. I’ll admit, I get snappy when I’m angry or sad, but from knowing me all this time she knew that none of it was directed at her. Regardless, when I’d snap at her and immediately apologise, she didn’t care and would storm off. She started doing drugs and fucking around with her boyfriend constantly,  and it got to the point where she didn’t care about anything else. Kate’s life was entirely drugs and sex and rock n’ roll. Once she said “if I don’t have my Juul I’m gonna have a sucky day,” and snapped at me that she “NEEDS her Juul to be happy,” to which I replied “that’s not good, Kate that means you’re getting addicted to nicotine. Fucking stop” and then ALL OF HER NEW FRIENDS ganged up on me, saying it was obvious I’d never Juuled before and making me feel terrible about myself. 

Through those _Extracurricular Activities_ she became friends with a bunch of people I didn’t have anything in common with. I’d still go sit with her and made an effort, even though I felt uncomfortable the entire time. It came to the point where she began to ignore me completely, like I said earlier. I’d say “hey Kate I’m going to class now,” and she wouldn’t even acknowledge I was there. So I left. Then I stopped saying anything at all. 

I started hanging out with my other friends, and I stopped talking to Kate all the time. People would always ask me why I was friends with her if she made me feel so awful. I never knew how to answer. 

Her boyfriend, another friend, and I all planned for months a surprise birthday party for Kate, which—minus a few minor bumps in plans— went well. There was cake, presents, and all the typical bday things. We did it because her mom is a bitch and never let her have a birthday party before. However, when we were out doing the thing we planned, she did nothing but complain and snap at people and sit in the corner whispering with her boyfriend. 

We were also in a club together. It was Debate Club, and you had to pay dues to be in it. We were presenting a bill to be debated—one that I did literally all the work for— and her only job was to do the opening speech. That was it, a minute long synopsis of our bill. So I’m walking to the room Debate Club is in, I can see the door a few feet ahead of me, and I get a phone call from Kate saying she doesn’t have her club dues. “Should I go? I don’t think I should go.” Finally, even though I was going to do horribly without her, I said she shouldn’t come. I was just so done with how unreliable she was. She said thanks and hung up while I was mid-sentence. So I went in, tried to give the opening speech completely unprepared, and I did horribly (as expected). It was the worst public speech I’d ever given, which sucked because I’m normally extremely good at that. I burst into tears on stage and ran off. I literally couldn’t do it anymore. Two days later, I hear she’s talking shit about me behind my back, telling people (MY FRIENDS) that I told her to “get the hell out of Debate” and calling her an “unreliable bitch” and all that jazz. 

So I texted her. “How dare you. How fucking dare you do all this shit  to me. You’ve been so mean and made me feel so mad about myself when all I’ve done is care about you.” And in the texts, I did say things that I don’t regret but we’re pretty damn mean— “all you do is smoke, fuck, and feel bad for yourself” “you step on other people’s balls to make yours feel bigger” “manipulative” “unreliable” etc. Then I blocked her number and that was that. 

Am I the asshole?