Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : The title may make things sound a little obvious but, there are some caveats to my scenario.

My bf and I are in our mid-20s, living together for a year now. We first had an apartment, then, I bought a house that we moved in to together. We had talked about this for 3 months beforehand and agreed on this process, him being involved in all the house hunting. He pays me to live in the house and half of utilities. We had some friends come stay with us last year, too, and they help a little with money, as well. Altogether, there are 4 of us, along with two dogs (ours) and a cat (the friends’).

Right after we moved in, I started grad school, which is primarily online, and my bf started a tough degree program that currently has him on campus twice a week, but he has two labor-intensive online classes as well. We both work full-time, he is at work four days a week and I work three days a week, but my work week is still 36-40 hours, depending on if I leave on time or not. 

Obviously, because of our schedules, I am at home more, and I kind of have to be home, since one of our dogs is still pretty much a puppy. Also, my boyfriend is struggling with his degree, which has made him pretty depressed and kind of difficult to talk to about a lot of things. Some of his biggest complaints is that he never has time to relax, he can’t get into any of his hobbies, and we haven’t had a vacation in over a year; all of these things come up daily, in addition to how much he hates his job and is starting to think he picked the wrong degree. 

Because I know how hard things are for him right now, I feel bad asking him to do anything. However, I’ve done laundry, washed dishes, and cleaned to some degree for about three hours everyday the last four days, including days that I worked 16 hours and work the next day. My bf was off or only has a short shift each of these days. The days I’m off entirely, regardless of if he is off or not, I clean about five or six hours a day. Last Sunday, for example, I deep cleaned our bathroom and living areas for six hours, all while my bf played guitar. 

Which, to some degree, is fine. He needs time to relax and decompress! It’s just frustrating because he hasn’t done much to contribute to the house since his semester began, which stuck me with everything, despite the fact that I work more hours and also have schoolwork. I know it seems to him that I have more time because I am “off” more than he is. I don’t think being “off” should mean that I automatically always do more household work. 

I don’t know how worthwhile talking will be, either, since his bad mood has made discussions difficult, as I mentioned. Last night, for example, I brought up that I’d washed dishes and cleaned the kitchen every night last week. His only reaction was “just stop doing it, then, I’ll just do it from now on.” Which is not what I was saying, I was trying to set up a more fair way for things to be done, such as if he cooks, I clean the kitchen, if I cook, he cleans the kitchen. But he just got on his phone and would not talk any further, making a big space between us in bed.

His actions are making me feel like I am the asshole, even if I make sure I am being non confrontational and try to ask if he feels like my assessment of the situation is unfair. He hasn’t spoken to me since I brought up the dishes last night, and it’s now 9:30 the morning of the next day. So, am I the asshole?