I just recently discovered this sub and thought it would be a good way to decide on something I have been struggling with for years.

Ever since I was a kid my sister was always horrible to me. She's 2 years older than me and she would always treat me like shit. Up until I was about 6, I adored her. I always wanted to be around her but she would always push me away. For example, at times she would just be playing on the computer and I would ask if I could sit in the room and play by myself so I wouldn't bother her. Then she'd hit me and yell at me until I would leave. Things like this happened on a daily basis. Eventually, I started having the same feelings towards her. I hated her and we would fight constantly. I've never been a big guy so she would always win, especially since she had 2 years on me. Basically, she made my childhood a living hell. I was also bullied a lot as a kid and she didn't do anything to stand up for me, in fact, she joined in at times. Specifically around 7th and 8th grade, I was bullied all the time because I was really small and a ginger, basically the easiest target there is. Going through puberty while being bullied by not only your classmates but also by your sister was really hard.

To give a little more background, my sister and I are polar opposites. She's an extrovert, she fit in with the popular crowd in high school and partied all the time. I'm very introverted as most of you can probably relate with. I like to stay in my room on the weekends and play video games. This was always something she used to make me feel bad. She would always call me a hermit and say I have no life. Any time she would get in trouble with my parents, she would try to take the attention off herself by bringing me up and saying things like, "look at him, all he does is sit in his room!" I always did that because I wanted nothing to do with her. I would insult her too, but rarely was I ever the first one to say something. I mainly just kept to myself so I wouldn't be her target.

Right now, I'm a senior in high school and my sister is a sophomore in college. Within the past couple years we've tried to mend our relationship. We're on a lot better terms now than when she still lived with us. My parents kind of helped with that. My mom basically had to tell my sister how horrible she was to me as a kid because up until then, my sister thought it wasn't a big deal. When she was told that, she felt really bad and has been trying to get on better terms ever since, although at times she treats me just like she did when we were kids. This has been going on for the past 2 years, ever since she moved out. I still don't like her and haven't forgiven her for what she did to me. I haven't directly expressed this to her or my parents. Whenever I try to bring it up to my mom, she just tells me to get over it, and what happened is in the past. I find it hard to get over something that is still happening though.

I don't want to make her seem worse than she is. My sister rarely treats me like shit anymore, but I think that has a lot to do with her not being around a lot. I don't talk to her often but when I do she's really nice. We go to movies together and talk a lot whenever she's home from college. Every once in a while though, she'll snap and everything will go back to when we were kids. Sometimes I snap too. I've said things that I regret, and I know my sister has too.

I know my sister really wants to be on good terms, but I don't care to. I really couldn't care less if I don't see her for another 5 years. I still do care about her since she's my sister, but I really don't like her. It's a big point of contention in our family. Whenever my sister is around, problems start popping up left and right. My mom says it's because I'm holding onto a grudge. 

So reddit, am I the asshole here?

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