Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : My late father's side of the family is having a family reunion tomorrow and I don't want to go. My mother says this is disrespectful to them. She says that since he is dead, it is my duty to keep in touch with his family and I am part of their memory of him.

But this story is more complicated. My father was a drunk. He was a violent drunk but the violence towards me wasn't that bad. My mother got the worst of it, but sometimes he would beat me when he was drunk too. One time it was different though. He abused me in a different way when I was 8 years old and I never told anyone. I was always scared to tell, and now that he is dead I feel like it will only harm my mother if I tell her. But I feel like I shouldn't have to confront his family. I want to disconnect myself from that memory as much as possible.

My mom thinks that I am mad because he used to beat me, but she says that wasn't him, it was his disease (alcoholism). Maybe if she knew what he really did to me then she would understand, but I feel like that would only tarnish his memory at this point and wouldn't do anyone any good.

Am I the asshole for refusing to go to this reunion? Do I owe her an explanation? I feel like I am doing her a favor by not giving her the explanation, but it is making me look bad. I am fine with looking like an asshole, as long as my actions are morally justifiable and I am not a true asshole.