Ah. Ok. So.

From very early on in our relationship, I knew my SO was very headstrong. He told me, his friends told me, his family told me, it's also super obvious, I'd seen it in action. We agree on the big things so it's ok - we were always completely aligned in our political beliefs, religious beliefs, family future plans, etc. All the important things. And the little things? Well, I'm the least headstrong person so it didn't really bother me, because we weren't really butting heads. But it does effect me. I will focus on 1 example below, but just know that this stuff happens all over our life - with stuuuuupid little things like colours, apartments, kitchen supplies, music, tech, what to watch on Netflix, whatever (nothing major though). Anyway, for this main example though, all you have to know is that I like mushrooms (I think).

Me: "Hey, do you want mushrooms for dinner? I love mushrooms."

He says, "They're disgusting." 

I say, "Really? What kinds have you had?" 

Him: "All of them. They're disgusting."

Me: "How were they cooked? Poorly cooked mushrooms can get a bit gross." 

He says, "No, I've had them all ways. They're disgusting." 

Me: "Ah. Well, I really like them..."

We now don't eat mushrooms ever and it's cool and I never bring it up. Don't want him to feel bad and I'm not going to force someone to eat mushrooms who could be allergic, you know? I'm very careful about picking/ordering food with no mushrooms when I can be. He tells waiters he's allergic to them when we go out to eat so that he doesn't get them in his food. I never buy or cook mushrooms for myself, which I used to love. Every time mushrooms come up he says they're disgusting and I began to associate this in my head. So naturally I stop eating mushrooms, and years pass, we get married, move to a new country together. I hate mushrooms now. Yes, that is on me - I'm way too easy-going/steamroller/influenced/people-pleaser or whatever other names you'd like to throw my way. Go ahead. I take responsibility for that, and I'm working on it, and I'm trying to be more in touch with my needs and what I want. It is difficult to just turn off. As I'm becoming more aware of this issue, I'm re-evaluating how we talk to each other and express our needs. I decide to ask him to disagree with me more respectfully and be more aware.

He doesn't really understand. He thinks that stating his own opinion shouldn't influence mine and it's not his fault at all - it is just all in my head. He says this, a lot. He's very much one of those people that always tries to be logical and remove emotion from situations. I do believe he's right; his opinion shouldn't influence mine. I agree in theory. But still it does. There is part of me deep down that just wants to please him because I love him and I'll always pretty much acquiesce to whatever he prefers to make him happy, I'm working on turning it off and getting more confident in myself. I'm asking that we both become aware of this, and try to adjust our life accordingly. I don't want him to stop expressing his opinions - I just want him to be aware of how he does it and try not to dismiss me and my opinion in the process. He doesn't understand. I start seeing a therapist.

I'm working on myself with this therapist. And I enroll in a mindfulness group, where I talk about this issue regularly. I'm trying to be really critical and evaluate my self-confidence and practice exercises they give me to look at my needs and what makes me happy and try to express them and be more vocal. Sometimes, I am doing better and I tell him my opinion. But whenever he tells me his opinion, if it is not in complete agreement, I feel like he always gets his way. Furthermore, the way he says, 'Mushrooms are disgusting. All of them. They just are.' without ever acknowledging that maybe they're just gross for him and not gross for everyone is unfair. He'll say 'X is right. X is the only way' and if I think Y, well, he's so confident it just floods me with insecurities and questioning my own self. Yeah, sure, that's not his fault, but also, it's not exactly my choice either - why can't we try to work with communicating our wants and needs together? Why do I have to be AS headstrong as him if I ever want my opinion to be heard?

Anyway, to summarise all of this up, years later, after we are married, I'm helping his mum prepare dinner and I discover she's put mushrooms in the egg rolls she's made. He goes to grab one, and I go, 'oh don't! You can't eat it! It has mushrooms in it.' and he goes, 'Nah, my mum knows how to make mushrooms edible.'

...

AITA for feeling completely gaslit and also enraged that he can't be like, 'oh mushrooms aren't my thing but it's ok you like them' or even 'i only like the way my mom makes mushrooms' rather than telling me that they're just always disgusting so incessantly that I literally feel incepted that they are and get nauseous at the thought of them??? AITA for wanting him to express his opinions in a more respectful way, and to be aware of how hard it is for me to disagree with him because I am a spineless jellyfish?? (Also, am I actually crazy here?)

Anyway, that's mushroom-gate. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Please tell me. Am I the asshole?