TL;DR at bottom but I’ll try to keep this concise. I [20F] have been dating this guy named Todd (not real name) [20M] for two years now. We have our problems like every couple and have really good communication. The current situation may be a dealbreaker though. I have a low sex drive, I identified as asexual in high school but dropped that label in college to see if maybe it was just my previous relationship. I have come to the conclusion that I am okay with sex like once or twice a year but it’s really just not for me. I’d rather be doing anything else. I don’t want sex, I don’t want oral, I don’t want to be the giver or the receiver. My boyfriend on the other hand wants sex once or twice a week, and he’s been willing to compromise and play on his own but now it’s coming to a point of problem with the two of us. I asked him recently to go on more dates with me recently and he has put in the effort and now he’s asking me to put in more effort for sexy time, however I don’t want to. I don’t want to put in effort into something I don’t enjoy. I’ve told him if he’s not happy in our situation I won’t be upset for him to break up with me, and yet he is upset I’m not willing to put effort into it. I feel like he’s trying to change who I am but I can understand how he thinks the way he does and I feel bad that he sees me as not putting in effort.
I’ve decided I don’t want to try to enjoy sex and sexy time when I don’t but this will really upset him, am I the asshole?
TL;DR I don’t want to put effort into sexy time and he does and he sees me as not wanting to put in effort but I see it as not wanting sex period.