So backstory: we visit SO's family twice a year for family get togethers, sometimes more if life leads us that way. We live roughly ten hours away and the location of SO's family is pretty much in the middle of nowhere and we stay in an old and dilapidated barn. Recently one of SO's grandparents have died and this year instead of a family camping trip they want us to come out for a yard sale - which we would be helping to run in the summer.

A couple problems are: SO's parent wants us to camp out on the lawn as there are too many of us to all fit in the barn. The shower situation is grim - there is only one bathroom usually split between 8+ people. We usually go at Christmas and SO's sibling and I wait it out till we get back home because of how bad the water smells. I've been to Iceland so I understand the sulfur smell but it's just at another level here. We often aren't fed properly (I realize we are both adults but its a delicate situation of not wanting to offend anyone that the food out there is terrible and also that we have no access to our own food). SO's siblings have a lot of dietary issues so they usually get the main focus on eating and we are left with junk food and pasta day after day. 

So basically, we're supposed to come out and camp in a yard for 5 days, in the summer, with no real shower option, and bad food. Im talking constipation for days kinda deal. 

If SO really wanted to go I would suck it up and do it, but it is only SO's parent that has **told us** we're coming. SO and I talked it over and we are both on the same page about not wanting to go. SO's family is large enough that there will be enough people to help, and we know that some other cousins who live closer than we do are not going to go because of the distance. Again its a 10 hour drive for us and we don't have access to a car so we have to travel down to SO's parents house (4 hours away) and then travel with them to the grandparents house. 

At the same time we have been planning a trip and one of the best times for us to go is the same week/weekend as this trip. So would we be the assholes if we scheduled the trip during this time as our excuse? We are definitely not going and we don't have a reason for it yet, but would scheduling a trip be the asshole way to get out of it?

SO's parent has stated that it's really important for her kids to help out and I know it is very stressful for said parent and that they will most likely be mad at us either way. 

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