Is NOBODY wrong in the post ? POST : I have social anxiety disorder and this family is super sweet. Husband, wife and 4 kids (one girl 14, one girl 16, one boy 18 and one girl 23). I miss them so much, but on the first day they came, I couldn’t get myself out of my room to speak with them. My room door was closed. I’m so shy and timid and they probably see me as an asshole. I see me as an asshole. The next day they visited, I decided to at least say hi. But I was so nervous and shy. I needed an alibi to be safe so I can get out and not get so anxious. So I shook their hands and hurried off to work I was nervous about it—my cousins are so cute and sweet, and I want to ask all about their lives, but I couldn’t do it.

I had 2 other opportunities to sit with them, and I failed each one. It got so bad that my mom texted me from the living room to go out and greet them and sit with them for at least 30 minutes. I couldn’t. Again. Partly because I blew previous chances of meeting them and **it would be even more awkward to finally sit with them after they’ve been here for 5 days probably anxious to meet me**. So I failed again.

The thought of going down there gives me so much anxiety, worry and it feels increasingly awkward since I’ve been avoiding them and they have probably developed negative perceptions of me. The kid they knew, loved, and respected in the past did not even greet them when they visit for the first time in a decade—so disrespectful. I was locked in my room, door closed, didn’t even come down for dinner (didn’t eat dinner) didn’t even come down to refill my water bottle. I feel like a piece of ****.

Today I had an opportunity to sit with them, I really wanted to. They are so cute and I love them. In fact the first day they shook my hand briefly, they were so smiley, cute and they all introduced me to everyone—it was so adorable. They were so happy to see me, and they were CUTE! The cuteness gets to me, it makes me cry. And I feel like I literally stabbed them all in the chest. The disappointed look on their face when I said I had to go was traumatic. I left in such a hurry that day and I had nowhere to go—I went to park my car somewhere discreet while browsing social media until they left. 

They go out to the city and have dinners at restaurants and I never once went with them. The idea of eating at a restaurant in public haunts me. I feel like I can’t swallow from the anxiety and fear that I may choke, create an embarrassing scene and then die.

Tomorrow is my 6th and last opportunity to greet them, and I KNOW it will not happen. Even thinking of it now kills me. Add that the added awkwardness of me not greeting them for the last 5 days.  Please don’t tell me I must do this—I know I must—but I know I won’t/can’t. 

No one in my family knows I have social anxiety. I’ve been good at covering it up. I am too socially anxious to seek professional help. My parents would come up and urge me to greet them and sit with them, and I would have to make a story to them about how I don’t like them and don’t want to see them and don’t feel like they should be coming to my house every day. My parents are permissive of this for some weird reason but don’t like this. None of what I said to them are true—I love that they come here everyday and I’m sad to know they are leaving soon. I love them so much and there is so much I want to know about them. 

**TL;DR** After 10 years, family began visited us for 1 week. I have social anxiety and could not greet them. In fact, I stayed locked in my room everyday they came and was very distant. I was so nervous, shy, and it became awkward each day to meet them;I had multiple opportunities to greet them, but failed each time.  I have another opportunity tomorrow and know it will happen again. AITA?

