Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : I live with my best friend (let’s call her Stephanie) and her now fiancé (I’ll call him dave) , I pay rent for a room in the house they own together. Both enjoy having me there and in general the arrangement works out well.

They both earn more than 3 x what I do, if this matters.

They got engaged in July and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I was very excited, and as this is my best friend of ten ish years I couldn’t imagine not being a part of their wedding. The groom and I are also good friends due to being housemates, we are almost like a little family.

I do not like Stephanie’s friends. They are mean and shallow and materialistic and when I hang out with them I feel bad. I have a history of mental health issues if this matters - a big part of my road to recovery was understanding when I hung out with certain people, I would feel bad afterwards. My mental health has greatly improved since I stopped hanging out with this group of girls three or so years ago. I kept the friendships that didn’t make me feel bad - such as Stephanie.

I enthusiastically agreed the hen do would be great and not to worry about me not liking the other girls going - I could be civil for a few days to celebrate my best friends wedding.

Stephanie’s sister and some of the girls going organised the hen do in secret, wanting Stephanie to be surprised. Three days ago I received a text from this group asking for £350 by Saturday (tomorrow) - and that if I couldn’t afford it Stephanie’s mother would pay my share and I could pay her back £60 a month. The hen do will be a holiday to The south of france for four days, staying in a luxury villa/mansion, with a wine tour, a night out and a dinner. The £350 only covers flights and accommodation and will be in June next year.

I do not have £350, I do not have £60 a month spare. I am on a debt management plan and my car broke two months ago, meaning I had to borrow money from an uncle and agree to pay him back £55 a month for three years. This was already a financial stress to me as I try to pay off my debt. I have been paying it off for three years and would have been debt free in a years time, but will be paying my uncle back for some years now. I don’t buy clothes, I don’t go out for dinners, I don’t get my hair and nails done. I am sensible with my money.

I approached Stephanie and Dave (he just happened to be there) - I said I was embarrassed about being offered to pay her mother back as they obviously know I can’t afford the hen do, and that I just didn’t know how I was going to afford to go.

Dave said it was disgusting of any friend, especially a bridesmaid, not to go to a hen party. He said he would go into debt or borrow money or “sell a limb” to be there for a friend. Stephanie said I was “being negative” that I would “upset her mum who offered to pay to be nice” and that I’m “ruining something she has dreamed of since she was a little girl”


I laid awake that night for hours trying to think of what I could sacrifice so that I will have an extra £60 a month for this hen do. I feel awkward and uncomfortable living with people who want me to go into debt for their benefit, but can’t find anywhere else to live that I can afford, though I’ll keep looking. My anxiety is through the roof at the concept I’ll be in more debt if I go.

AITA if I say I just can’t afford it and I’m not going? Even though they let me live in their home and have offered me a payment plan? I don’t want to hurt my finances but I don’t want to be an ungrateful cow of a friend. I was expecting the whole thing to cost around £200, which I probably could have squeezed. reddit, be brutal. Am I a tight fisted ungrateful asshole here?? 