**The backstory.**

I am dealing with an ex-wife of 10 years who has a history of mental illness/issues. I have also proven on several occasions that she has lied on a variety of things. She will say that her car has broken down so she can't take our child to school, only for it to work so she can go to a job interview later that day (with my child). She has told me that one of our friends was in a car accident and that I needed to watch our child so that she could visit her; only to see that friend post on Facebook 30 minutes later. She has told the government that I left both her and my child (it was a mutual separation) so that she would be bumped up on the list to get government assistance. She has also admitted to lying about some serious allegations about other ex-husbands because she was mad at them. So overall, everything she says I have to take with a grain of salt.

Now, roughly a few weeks ago, I suggested keeping him on some of her days until she gets her life a bit more adjusted. This would have reduced her from 14 days to 6 days a month (every other weekend). Her response was to threaten to take me to court. She wasn't going to let me boss her around anymore and she will ensure that she has a relationship with her kid (which implied I was trying to prevent that). I actually 100% want them to have a relationship, which is why I follow the visitation schedule rigorously.

On top of that, I am engaged to someone who really doesn't like her continuous involvement in our lives. We are completely independent from my ex and almost never rely on her for any assistance; yet every month or so we are approached to accommodate her for whatever reason that I'm never sure is true. In a lot of cases, we end up accommodating; but I am trying to stop that because it's very fair to say that my ex shouldn't have so much direct involvement in our lives - especially if she is lying to us.

Our visitation setup is that while I actually have primary custody, we personally have a 50/50 setup right now. When I consulted a divorce lawyer roughly two years ago, he told me that because this 50/50 setup has been the norm for years, she could take me to court, accuse me of being unfair and the judge could side with her. I have since started capturing documentation incase I ever do go back to court.

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**The situation**.

Today I got a text from my ex saying her drinking problem is getting out of hand and she wants me to take him for a week while she attends AA to get her problem handled. He is supposed to visit her tonight and has made no reference to her drinking problems until this morning.

Her text implied she has not started it yet, despite having all week to do so. She has had the past three days and will have the next three days free to attend. I also believe AA is not a one-week-and-done situation and is an ongoing process, meaning she will need to schedule her meetings on nights where she does not have our child, anyways.

Her family has expressed to me that they do think she has a drinking problem, but because of her history of lying, I'm not convinced that today's claim is legit and is actually being used as a reason to get out of parenting tonight.

To add to this, my fiance's father is an alcoholic. So if this turns out to be a false claim, that is *really* going to rub her the wrong way. All things considered, I've found it best to err on the side of being skeptical.

So, hopefully I've been able to articulate that this is a complex situation. I don't want to dismiss a potential serious claim; but I also don't want to enable more lying using serious claims like this.

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**Will I be the asshole?**

I am planning on telling her that this is a serious issue that will take longer than a week. Therefore, I suggest she keep seeing him and maintaining their relationship while visiting AA on her off-nights and keeping her drinking in-check on her nights with my child. Otherwise, I will be willing to go back to my proposed visitation schedule from a few weeks ago from here on out and not just for a few weeks. 