I literally hate myself so much lol even as I type this I know it’s impulsive and I’ll probably regret it bc I don’t want any police officers coming to my house or anything but

I don’t want to go to therapy but my parents really do. I know how much money and heart they spend on me so it makes me feel really bad for them that they have to deal with my bs. I told them to hate me or disown me or emotionally cut ties with me but they say no, but then they blame me for tearing the family apart. I guess it is my fault. I don’t know what I want. I think it’s my fate to just die tbh. Like, natural selection to get me. I’m torn bc I don’t know if I want/can get better and it shows, so my parents are worried. They’re rightfully blaming me for being a leech. I told them I’d move out (I’m a high school senior but 18 so it works) and pay for my own food and stuff but they refused so I don’t really get it either. I don’t try to hurt them for the most part but sometimes I’m just upset. I don’t want to talk and to see other people. I kinda just wanna die because I’m honestly so done with my bullshit. I’m sorry to everyone. I don’t even know if I wanna live or die. I just had an argument with my parents over this and I really impulsively wanted to slit my neck but also I haven’t written any goodbye letters yet so I had second thoughts. Now I’m typing this. 

Am I the asshole to myself and my parents? Serious answers only. 