Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : On mobile so apologies for formatting.

Background information: Years ago when I was working my first job as a teenager, I worked at a popular breakfast/lunch in my family’s well-to-do neighbourhood. We had a 25-30ish regular who would order a meal (not cheap) and ask for our recycling. I was told that he was brain-damaged ex-military and that his parents (who lived a short bus ride) housed him, clothed him and covered his food bills but he collected recycling for pocket money. 

Anyways, he would come in every other day, hit on all the female staff, explain to male staff that he wasn’t gay (almost every time) and then relentlessly go after our baker. He would ask her out, ask to kiss her, ask to have sex with her, ask to have dinner at her house, ask her and her husband to take him out for dinner. She was actually quite friendly to him but obviously didn’t take him seriously, and kindly excused her way out. I found out later that he had actually successfully invited himself to her wedding, had been over to her house for dinner multiple times (with husband present), and had attempted to three wheel her honeymoon.

She eventually told me (in parts overtime) that because of his condition, we had to be more sympathetic and kinder to him than the average customer:person, and that essentially it was the brain damage that made him act that way. Fortunately I never had to deal with him much while working since he always wanted her, the head baker, to take his order personally (not her job) and she did it because we have to “think of his condition”. When I told my parents about this, they agreed with the baker and I didn’t (and still don’t really) know the effects of brain damage so I left it like that.

Next to the assholery: Even though I didn’t really deal with him much at work, we used the same bus stop (and occasionally same bus). He used to recognize me from work and beeline it for me, be overly friendly (he assumed we were really good friends since I smiled and asked him how he was when I was working), asked to sit next to me on the bus and sat down before I could respond (I let him because he was and customer at my work and I was a stupid teenager with severe social anxiety), or sit super close to me at the bus stop when the whole bench was empty. Mind you I was a minor at this time.

As the years passed (and I was no longer working at my first job), I would still run into him at the bus stop and he would hit one and ask me out. I would turn him down absolutely but kindly, keeping in mind his “condition”. It never even gave him pause, he kept on trying. I want to remind readers that I have really bad social anxiety that makes me dread any interaction with strangers etc and even most acquaintances. This was truly awful for me.

Eventually I go travelling, work in various places, take some classes across the country and then come home, live with my parents and start finishing up my degree at a local university. And sure enough, he’s still here, still taking the same bus and still trying to talk to me. I don’t think he recognized me but I still feel singled out: I’m an awkward polte-looking young girl who might seem like an easy target.

The first time he comes up to me and starts talking to me, I take off my headphones (which I always wear since I hate talking to people), tell him “I’m sorry, I don’t like talking to people,” and put my headphones back on. He just stares at me silently, still standing uncomfortable close to me, until I walk away. This repeats a couple times until I start pretending I don’t hear him and wander aimlessly away. I have tried hiding from him, it doesn’t work; the guy has a spidey sense for young girls (I have seen him act like this towards other girls). Tonight when he bothered me I just looked at him and walked to the other side of the bus stop, he tried to follow me so I walked behind it and waited there, keeping an eye on him until his bus came. The next time I see him I might just tell him to fuck off, despite my damn social anxiety.

Am I asshole? Most of my friends and family think so. They’ve told me to be more patient and considerate of his “condition”. But they don’t have to deal with his relentlessness. He’s never been physical and comes off as cheery/friendly but he seems to have no sense of object permanence or concept that no means no, not ever and not just no for this specific thing for the next five minutes. I guess it’s possible that his injury affects his memory (even though he remembered me for years after I quit my first job. But I still don’t feel like I should have to deal with this on basically a weekly basis.

I feel like no one has ever told him no seriously and then held him accountable when he tries again. People treat him with larger kid gloves than they treat their own children.

So yeah, am I the asshole? Also, advice for how I should deal with him in the future is welcomed.