My mother left my father when I was young then settled in America. I myself have moved to America with my sister two years later. My father stayed. I have lived in American to this day (13 yrs later).

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She left him because he beat her badly. He cracked her skull. Her medical records from this is what allowed her asylum in America.

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Fast forward to two years ago, we managed to work overs lots of things in 10 yrs. We talked on how much dad has changed. So when mother needed a helping hand in her work, we decided to bring him to America.

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Things went really well first. My sister and I even agreed not to mention his past. We agreed that he’s probably dying with remorse. Two months later, we found out that he makes himself the victim for everything by distorting what has happened in his favor and firmly believing that is how it happened.

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When asked about the attack, my dad replied, “Oh yeah, I hit her once.” He remembered the actual attack VERY differently from what actually happened. He thought she took one blow to her head and got up right away, when in reality he mounted her, beat her head senseless til she was unconscious and carried to the hospital

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In addition, he believes that he was provoked into beating my mom. Apparently, she learned on how to get asylum through spousal abuse, and somehow manipulated my dad in beating her. Therefore, to him, my mom planned this to happen.

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My mom almost died from that attack, how do you plan an immigration by getting beaten to death?

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We found out about this very recently, that this is how he remembers it. He also told us that he cannot live and be treated like he’s the bad person and that he should be ‘forgiven’ and treated without bias on all footings because he regrets what happened.

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Because of what he said, I cannot treat him like nothing has happened and will always be biased against him. Its not what he did (I worked hard to get over that) but how he thinks about what he did that completely disgusts me.

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Now talks of him leaving us is on the table. I do feel terrible about wasting his time and uprooting him from his life. He has nothing to go back to. To make things worse, I have told him before coming here, that even if my mom changes his mind and decides that she cannot stand him, I would sponsor his immigration process and live with him as ‘insurance’. It turns out, its me who can’t stand him.

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But how the hell was I supposed to know this is how he remembers it? Should I have somehow expect him to be like this? Should we have never have brought him here if we cannot forgive him unconditionally? I really believe that I forgave him for everything I knew before him coming here. But I just cannot forgive him for thinking himself as the victim.

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AITA for wanting to cut my father out of my life after I brought him back in?