To start off, I think some background would be helpful. I will say, I don't think I handled this whole situation well, but, well, it's a little late now. My husband Jacob and I have known each other for 5 years, and married for a few months. We live a state away from both of our families, but I've taken a weekend every 2 months to visit my family, while my husband chooses to ignore texts and calls from his family, and only initiates any communication between them if I'm in a group chat with him. This is important.

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I guess this whole story starts almost 2 years ago. Jacob and I spent a few weeks in the summer visiting his mom and stepdad and while we were there, it came up that his sister would be visiting from a couple hours away. This worried us both because he had recently told me that when he was in high school and his sister was in college, she would sneak in bed with him and sleep in only a tank top and underwear, and then would leave before their parents would wake up. From what he told me, this continued on every time he visited her, or she visited him, unless her roommates were around. The visit didn't go well, he was meant to drop me off at a mall for some shopping because his sister had asked that she get time with only him, but I had been sick for a few days and still had fever and ended up fainting, so he called a friend and asked him to meet me at the mall, and then left once that was sorted to meet with his sister. Jacob was very late and his sister had driven through bad traffic and was understandably annoyed, and tensions rose until she finally left, only half an hour after meeting him. From what I understand, she left crying and called their dad, who then called my then fiance and chewed him out for making his sister upset. He was on his way to pick me up when the call happened, and as soon as he arrived he told me he was leaving to drive to where his sister lived to apologize for upsetting her in person and then stay the night. 

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Now this part is my fault. I was sick and upset that Jacob wanted to stay the night with his sister after what he had just told me, about the sleeping in the same bed, and yelled at him that at some point he had to stop sleeping with his sister. He ended up staying with me that night, and since then his relationship with his sister started to go downhill. She would send snapchats of herself in her bra and underwear and then if he didn't reply back, she would ask why he didn't talk to her anymore. Or, she would post said pictures on instagram or snapchat and then message him again, and this is taken directly from a screenshot of a message, she asked him why he didn't care about what she looked like. I would say that what really upset my husband, was when we were both at a family barbecue at a swimming lake and she pulled me aside to tell me to put some clothes on because my bikini was inappropriate to wear around Jacob, and that I should be more conscientious of what I wear because it reflects badly on me.

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The next time Jacob contacted her was a few months later, they hadn't talked in months and I thought they should make up and move on, and so pressured him to call her because we were planning on getting married the next year. He called her during her lunch break at work and that ended in her saying to stop contacting her, that he wasn't her brother, that she didn't want to be associated with him until he became a better person, and that she never liked me and that he should make better choices in his life. At this point he completely cut contact with her and blocked her on all platforms. Because of all of this, and his family siding with his sister and bringing up that he was the one that had been creating a problem since he now refused to go to family events if she was there or even call his family because each time he did, they would tell him to call his sister and apologize and move on. We saw her once more at a family birthday party, but at that event she approached him and tried to hug him so he asked her to leave him alone, pushed her away when she didn't move away, and went to talk to the rest of the people in attendance. She then swore at us both, cried, and then as I was walking back to be by my husband after getting a drink, she shoulder checked me, spilling my drink, and almost causing me to fall. I guess the funny part here is that I have 4 inches and at least 30 pounds on her, and was still knocked off balance, which is why Jacob's mother asked me if I'd made the whole thing up. To be honest, I'm not even sure my husband would have believed me if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes.

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Anyway now here we are, almost 2 years later, and we've since eloped, due to the family tensions we ended up canceling the wedding, and only his mom and my mom were in attendance as witnesses. Jacob's father got tired of not getting a response, and somehow managed to get my number over the Christmas holidays and began to message me. His sister got an award and the whole family went and he wanted to ask me if I could get my husband to go to the event. I told him I wouldn't be involving myself in this situation, and then on the day of the event, received another message asking if my husband could message his sister a congratulations, and that he had already written it for him and all my husband had to do was copy and paste. Again, he said no, and since then he's spent almost a month writing a message to his sister asking her to take down photos of him on her social media, and letting her know that after all the nasty things that have been said between the both of them, her inappropriate behavior over the summer, and the most recent fiasco at the birthday party, he was officially done with her, and he asked her to stay away from the both of us at family events from now on. She sent the message to both of their parents, and we ended up starting a whole other thing that we hadn't expected, all my husband had wanted was to be able to go to family events without worrying about what his sister would do. The drama finally died down yesterday, and ended with Jacob's father saying I was full of shit and out to hurt his family, and that he didn't need anything from me so I should knock it off. Jacob's mom told us both that we had to forgive and forget because this had gone on long enough and was hurting her and that she understood his sister had done bad things but that she hadn't initiated any contact with us since the birthday party in 4 months and that now we were the only ones causing problems. 

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I guess my only question is, in all of these situations I feel like I've been the common denominator, and I know for a fact that had I not informed my husband that the things his sister did were inappropriate and showed him resources from r/JUSTNOFAMILY and r/NarcissisticAbuse, everyone would still be a happy family. I thought I was helping my husband by encouraging him to talk to his family about what his sister had said and done, and by making him go to his family's events, and then finally telling him that it was okay to want to officially end the relationship with his sister and reading over the message before he sent it, but all that's happened is he feels like he's lost his family and I feel like I'm the asshole. I do think he's been happier in these two years of low contact with his sister than in the 3 years I knew him when he talked to her everyday, but I can't help but feel like this is all my fault and I should've just let things go on like they were before. So. Am I the asshole here?

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TL;DR: What was a small tiff with husband's sister has now lasted almost 2 years, and has led to my husband feeling like he has no family left, and me being cut off from his family. Who's the asshole here?