So a bit of context, my close friend lives a pretty stressful life. He's a single dad to a 5 year old boy, doesn't have any family support, works full time at a shitty fastfood chain and studies part-time to try and better his situation. I know he struggles with anxiety at times and can get overwhelmed, which in the past I've come over with some wine or beer and have lended an ear and a shoulder. Recently his son was diagnosed with autism and I suspected that he was feeling stressed out dealing with this by himself. His partner passed away in an accident when their son was 2 and he hasn't bothered with dating or relationships since.
We've been close friends since high school, I was there when his son was born, and he met and approved of my boyfriend when we started dating 6 years ago. We've helped each other move, plan parties, studied together, I've babysat for him, he's literally like my brother.


Last week he set set up a group chat, explaining that he has been having daily panic attacks and seeing his therapist weekly. The last time he saw his therapist, he opened up that he has been feeling suicidal for 2 years and has actually started planning "a way out" since he found out his son is autistic. He already feels inadequate as a father and feels he's failed/failing his son. That his son would be better off without him.
His therapist suggested seeing him at least twice a week and to set up a support system that he can message when he begins having those thoughts.
So he added me, another close friend of his (who I'm not close to), and 2 others who he's close to but don't live in the same city.
He explained everything I mentioned above and said that he would only use this chat when he feels he can't go on anymore. 


Now I'm empathetic but this year has been awful for me also, I don't feel like I can take on his struggles as well. I'm finishing my phd, there's been 5 deaths this year which have hit my boyfriend and I particularly hard, one suicide of a mutual friend, my dog died, I'm not working and there's the financial stress that goes with that and my partner has just started a new 6 figure job but is high stress and I've been dealing with that. I also suffer from anxiety which has been hard to manage this year because of all these stresses which I feel is important to mention here.


So I sent him a message separately, saying that I was sorry that he's going through this difficult time but because there are 3 other people he can rely on and that I'm not in a great place myself, if he could remove me from the group chat because just hearing that I could lose him stresses me out which with everything else going on is terrible for my anxiety. 
He apologised saying that it wasn't his intention to do that to me and that he'll remove me.


Yesterday I received a message from his other close friend (same city, but not my close friend) calling me selfish. 
I asked what he was talking about. Our mutual friend had a bad day yesterday and wanted someone to talk to, and messaged this other guy. He was in a meeting and physically couldn't be with him but said he'd be over as soon as he could and to message me until he was there. That's when our suicidal friend told him that I couldn't be there because of my anxiety and what I told him.


He explained to this to his other friend that he was hurt and that he didn't he didn't want to "burden" me with this as I can't support him and that he didn't know if we'd ever be as close as we were.
I feel pretty upset by this, because I still want to be his close friend but I just can't support him right now. I didn't mean to hurt him and sent him a message explaining that but he hasn't replied yet. So what do you think? Am I the asshole here?