 For context; my sister (I'll call her Rachel) just turned 18 and I just turned 20. I emigrated at 16 years old with my mother and Rachel stayed with our father in her country. Our mom got diagnosed with cancer after 6 months and 2 years later she died. I still live alone in the other country.

Her illness had different effects on the both of us. I had a lot of time with my mother and it allowed me to make peace with our limited time, but my life became really hard since I had to do a lot on my own and don't have a family near me that can support me, I am over stressed and am in the process of dropping out of (high?) school.

I imagine that our moms death came fast for Rachel, but her life seems stable enough. I do know that she has a lot of emotional trouble, not a lot of friends and has problems with my father (he has the tendency to always complain about our mother, hurray) but she is economically supported and is encouraged to discover the world. She has one more year to go before she finishes college.

People always had the tendency to compare us (as any other siblings) but it was terrible last summer. Rachel seemed reasonable happy, was having fun and just generally in a good mood, while I didn’t know who I was anymore, felt like a complete and utter failure and I thought daily about commiting suicide. People saw that I wasn’t happy and wanted to cheer me up by pointing out how Rachel and I are the same. It only made me feel worse since the things they said weren’t correct.

Fast forward 2-3 months, I made it a point to concentrate on myself and find my own passions / hobbies (Rachel and I shared a lot of hobbies when we were younger) and do something that made me feel like my own person and not just a worse version of Rachel. I became interested in cooking and started to experiment more. November comes and I finally find something that I really like, cocktails.

I got excited since it was almost my birthday and I would finally be allowed to buy alcohol at the liquor store (drinking age here is 18 but you can’t buy anything above 3,5% until 20). I am looking up ingredients, shakers, types of alcohol etc. and deciding how to collect my own bar. I spoke about this new interest / hobby / passion with my dad and he seemed happy that I found something that really sparked joy for me.

So I finally found a shaker that I liked this week but I have to wait until end of this month or next month to make sure that I can afford to order it, I inform my dad that I found ‘the one’ and show him the picture. His reaction?

‘Nice, I gave one to Rachel for her birthday.’

I have the tendency to be jealous of Rachel, since dad had the habit to treat her better than me in general when we were younger. These kind of actions don't help.

Am I the asshole for being pissed of that he gave my sister a present for her birthday that I wanted to buy myself for my birthday and?  
Note: I am disappointed that my present feels ruined, but I am not angry at Rachel.