So my dad recently passed away.  Waiting on the autopsy for the results. But it’s speculated to be an OD.

I have never had a relationship with him, at all. Out of the 32 years I’ve been alive, I have seen him once. Yes, ONCE. I’ve spoken with him one time in the last 18 years. There has never been an attempt.  He was in and out of jail his entire life and constantly using drugs. I’ve made my peace along time ago about him never wanting to be there. I even had a son of my own and still no contact. 

So when I got a call from my dads side telling me he had died I wasn’t surprised. I was a little shocked but nothing emotional. I talked to an aunt and she was sobbing and telling me how much he loved me and how he always wanted to talk to me. Then went on to say something about his phone being broken. I know she wanted an emotional response but all I could think of to say is “I’m sorry.” In my head, I was like it’s 2019 how could he not get a hold of me but you could.

He will be buried either Sunday or Monday. I live in WA and it’s being held in WI. I keep trying to find a reason to go but it would be so FUCKING weird. Like I’m the only child he had so all these random family members and people would be telling me about him or giving condolences. I don’t think I could go longer than 5 minutes with saying I don’t actually know the guy so leave me alone. Maybe I’m being a dick about it but I don’t want to go. There is nothing there for me, he’s dead now. Like am I expected to go and listen to some BS stuff about how he was a good guy or maybe I should go and see the needles scattered through his place that he used to shoot up drugs.