Hi y'all, I made a throwaway for this. I'm a 29F, and I would like to know am I the asshole for having high expectations and trying to communicate that before things get serious? Am I the asshole for being super sensitive to red flags that have consistently popped up from my own experience?

I have been single now for three years, and boy has shit changed since I got out of my long term relationship of 7 years. Instagram and facebook were already a huge problem in my life when it came to men because my past boyfriend was a serial physical and emotional cheater, a narcissist, and a pathological liar, so he did a number on my level of trust for men.

FFW to my first few "close to a relationship" experiences off of tinder and in person. The first guy I dated I met off of tinder, and he had basically immediately confessed that he just got out of a really toxic relationship and probably wasn't looking for anything serious. I told him that I am in a different place in my life being out of my toxic relationship for a while and I am probably looking for a relationship, so his stance affected the level of effort I was going to put into anything, especially sexually. I was as honest about this as he was with me. A couple weeks in it became very apparent that his idea of "casual" was a lot more like my experience of either actually being in a relationship or being friends with benefits. He was extremely confusing, he would insist on paying for my meals, going on several dates, trying to kindle a sexual relationship, be my therapist almost every day of the week, and then seemingly disappear for a week after being super consistent. He would also seemingly talk about his exes emotional instability a little too often. We eventually did have sex after a few dates, and it wasn't as though I had expected the relationship to immediately change, but he began again with the disappearing act after I had confided in him that I had a really stressful and rough week coming up. At the end of the week he finally asked me how I was doing, and I told him "Okay, but I'm not really too jazzed about having not heard from you for a week after we had sex" to which I got a long defensive speech about how he's been sooooo busy, and that's really unfair, and the phone goes both ways and he expected a "modicum of reciprocity" from me in communication...After that comment and another couple of condescending statements I couldn't help but say he was being douchey, to which he insinuated I had emotional issues, similarly to how I heard him disparaging his ex. I knew right then in my gut I had nothing to lose and said, "Sure (insert generic white male name here), every girl you date is emotionally unstable it can't possibly be you" which I knew would surely end it. He blocked me on everything.

The next guy I actually started to dig came from bumble. He was pretty good with the consistency of communication, I never caught wind of him liking millions of thirst posts. He bought me tacos when I was drunk, made me breakfast in the morning, and was seeming to really wax poetic about how amazing he thought I was. I really thought this might turn into a relationship so naturally, until I invited him to a party. A hot girl brushed up against me that was a roommate of my friend, and I, being the sass monster I am told her she could brush up against me any time after she apologized. Of course I was joking, but my date whispered to me "Well, she IS attractive" with a sheepish smile. Two minutes later he was across the table so obviously flirting with her I almost just walked out. He hadn't even complimented me yet that evening, so I jumped on that red flag and ran with it. I took him outside and recounted the exact situation to him, to which he responded "I didn't know that was the same girl!" as if he was shocked. There were a total of five girls at that party, and she was the only redhead. I told him he was gaslighting me, asked him if he'd ever cheated on anyone before and he said yes. I told him it was probably best we don't see eachother anymore, he seemed pretty gutted but I felt I made the right choice. Now a year later he appears to be in a happy relationship, and despite my forcibly removing him from my social media and having had nothing but a sexual relationship with him, he is now again all up in my business. Why while he has a girlfriend? I can only think of one reason, that I was correct in my lack of trust.

Most recently I was pursued by a guy that I met during a summer geology course in the mountains. I thought this guy was very cute but I hadn't said a word to him the whole night at the party we had both attended. He then found me on facebook and instagram and began flooding my messages and lovebombing my photos and stories. He lived about six hours away in my hometown that I visit often, and at this time I started to notice that he had pictures of a girlfriend that did not seem to fit any sort of "break up" timeline, and kept note of this red flag. Although I could liken some of his flirtatious memes and messages to emotional cheating, I became certain that they broke up when he sent me some super suggestive content, which then eventually escalated to trying to solicit a nude sharing relationship. I am not exactly a prude in this regard and entertained him because a vast 95% of our conversations before and afterwords were still real conversations. He was mindblowingly consistent, hitting me up every day like a boyfriend, saying "Goodnight Sweetie" and "Bisoux" which means kisses and french when I would go to bed. He would send me cute memes of animals to brighten my day, and ask lots of questions about my life. IT got closer to a holiday that I would be coming home, and he had stated he wanted to take me out. I agreed that we should date, but as it got closer and closer to the holiday I heard nothing of planning. He was practically silent just up until I was about to leave to come home, of course he'd known he'd have to resume communication to actually see me...

I noticed that during this time I was being ignored, the vast majority of his friends on instagram were girls. I noticed that during this time where I was receiving inconsistent attention and assuming he was busy, he was actively liking and commenting on suggestive photos of girls frequently, reminding me of how he pursued me. I chose not to mention this out of fear of sounding jealous and crazy, we weren't in a relationship, but I couldn't help but get the feeling that there were also girls he was messaging just like me when I was getting silence. After he expressed little interest in actually planning a meetup in town, we did actually get together to watch a movie, kiss and cuddle. Mild sexual favors were involved but nothing super serious, however I was a little annoyed because I had mentioned beforehand I just wanted to cuddle and he still tried for it anyway. He acted completely smitten, talking constantly about how good I smelled, telling me he smelled me for days after. He kept up the attention for a couple of days and then again to my surprise suddenly started to taper off, and I would see that he wasn't liking any of my things but still actively liking the stuff of plenty of other women. Childish I know but this set off fucking alarm bells to me that for my own mental health I needed to get out of there, something was telling me to look in the first place so I needed to trust that feeling. A whole day went by without a message, and then I saw him comment on and like a photo of a girl he's liked a lot of photos of before and had it. I felt crazy already, but I messaged him and I politely stated, "Hey, I hope you're well. I just wanted to keep you updated on whats going on with me. I think it's best we don't see each other when I come into town again. I've been getting this strange feeling you're splitting your attention with me and other girls when you're not contacting me, and I've had that feeling since before we met up. I know there's no expectation of exclusivity but to me it just kind of makes me feel like maybe you like those girls more and for my own mental health I think I should stay away from that"

Well he immediately got defensive, saying "I'm sorry you feel that way," which isn't an apology, it's a stereotype. He then demanded that I prove to him that he had actually liked and left a thirsty comment on another girls photo (he had done it 8 minutes before -\_-) to which I said "Oh okay, so you're an actual asshole" because I'm so tired of being gaslit about things boys know they did. When I sent him the photo I had seen 8 minutes earlier, he responded, "That's just my ex." I don't know who in their right mind would think that its better that they frequently like sexy selfies of their ex, but neglect to like any of their work accomplishments or non-sexual posts. He spent the latter portion of the conversation trying to convince me there was no one else, he was a good guy and I was 'mischaracterizing' him, that he believed in honest and open communication and I should have told him I felt this way sooner. He kept saying because there was no expectations it didn't make sense that I would want a heads up that he liked someone better because transparency to him that meant "exclusivity." He kept saying how much he liked me when we met and now, as if it wasn't red flaggy at all that he had a girlfriend when we met. By the end of the convo he all but had be saying "Okay okay I believe you I must be crazy and PMSing or something" because I knew I hadn't exactly been civil. When I woke up in the morning, he messaged me and regurgitated almost my exact words. "I think we have different expectations and it's best we don't see eachother anymore" and blocked me on everything.

Granted I'm usually the one doing the blocking in these situa