Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : This is a long story. Thanks in advance for reading!

Backstory: my SO (31F) and I (28M) started dating when I was living in my own place. At the time, she lived at home with her mom and her mom's best friend who is a 60+ year old man. Her mom passed away suddenly less than a year after we started dating and I moved in with her for emotional support and to help sort out the estate. This was over 3 years ago and we are now engaged.

At the time I moved in, the understanding was that we would get the estate figured out and then sell the house to get our own place. Her roommate wasn't paying her mom rent at the time she passed away, and it certainly didn't seem fair to demand it immediately following the upheaval caused by her death. He was basically a model roommate and most of the house's decorations were his. He cleaned regularly despite having a full-time job, and purchased communal groceries. I hardly knew my SO's mom at the time she passed, so I was happy to have her mom's best friend there to console my SO as a sort of "uncle". This was about 3.5 years ago.

It took almost a year to settle the estate, and my SO would constantly stress out about how much the mortgage payments were since her mom had been making more than both of us combined. We let our roommate know that we were starting to look at houses and he began to pack and consolidate his things. We work together and our office had massive layoffs which impacted me, so we couldn't continue thinking about taking out a brand new mortgage even after the estate had been sorted. I told her that we needed to start charging our roommate rent since the agreement for him to live here for free was made by her mother, not her or I, and our income was insufficient -- even the bank said so. She reluctantly agreed and he started paying fair rent, but stopped cleaning the house (except for his own messes) and started buying his own groceries. With the additional rental income it became easier for us to manage the existing mortgage, so we started trying to make the house our own instead of getting it ready to sell. This was about two years ago.

Our roommate has since retired and spends most of his time in his room, and I only see him about once a day. I'll hear my SO complain about him leaving coffee grounds on the counter, or letting the dog come upstairs (she pees on the carpet every chance she gets), or cluttering up the fridge. Over time, my subtle hints that maybe we should persuade him to leave started to be met with resistance. It was less "let's see what his plans are" and more "I'm not going to have that conversation with him and you need to make up for the difference in rent". I stopped pushing the issue and figured that after we were engaged he would get the message and see himself out. We've been engaged for over a year now and he has shown no signs of leaving, and has even started accruing knick-knacks/antiques again after selling or packing most of his stuff when we were still looking to move.

The other day I cracked -- I slipped down the stairs when our cat ran between my legs as I was going to feed him, causing me to slide into the dog gate, injuring me and requiring us to buy a new gate. In my mind, I slipped because our roommate has been contributing to my cat's bad meal time behavior by allowing him to steal food from the dog (he tried to emphasize several times that it was just a little, and continued to mention it looking for some kind of approval from me, which I was not giving because I'm trying to train this cat), and I slammed into the gate which was only there because he lets the dog come upstairs and doesn't watch her so she ruins the carpet. Obviously this isn't entirely logical, but at that moment I lost my temper and everything I had been internalizing came out at once and I felt like a crazy person.

This led to a surprisingly productive conversation regarding my feelings that I could not control for some of these issues we commonly quarrel over because they were in some way related to our roommate -- things like housecleaning, our sex life (his room shares a wall), and pet training. I explained that I want to know what our life would be like if just the two of us were responsible for everything that occurs under our roof, while at the same time saying that I obviously don't blame our roommate for all of our problems and don't expect him moving out to solve everything either. I assume he doesn't want to leave or he would have already, and she doesn't *really* want him to leave, but I do. She agreed that I had made plenty of concessions over the course of our relationship and that she would talk to him by the end of the month.

Now that she's agreed to talk to him, I feel like an asshole. I don't know for sure whether I'll be able to train the pets without his interference, or if our sex lives will dramatically improve -- I just don't see any other way of finding out with him still living here. I know that I'm putting us at a financial disadvantage (we both make more now so it's nothing we can't handle, but $ is $) based only on my desire to be truly alone with my future wife. I don't feel like it's my place to broach the subject to him since he was invited by my SO's mother, and my SO lived with him for years before I moved in...so I put the burden on her despite her not being the one who wants him to leave.

So Reddit, AITA for asking my SO/fiancee to make our roommate move out?