Throwaway for obvious reasons.
On mobile, sorry for formatting issues.

So I've known this girl (A) for a few months now, and she was in a long distance relationship with her abusive ex (D) when we first started talking. A broke it off with D to be with me instead, and still called D her 'best friend'. 

During A and D's time together, I was told (by D) to kill myself on 2 seperate occasions, and that he would kill me if I tried to 'steal his girl'. A has multiple panic attacks and breakdowns because of D and I'm left to try and fix things (which I have no problem doing, but the problem is that it's him and she KNOWS it's him but won't cut him off completely because of attachment issues). This has really tested me, it pushed me to the edge having to try and fix things, and I decided there was only one thing I could do for my own mental wellbeing, and it'd hopefully help with A's too; I told her 'choose either your friendship with D, or our relationship.' She chose me, and I was happy about that. She has been speaking to him behind my back which hurt me a lot because she broke a promise, but I've tried to move past it. Our most recent confrontation (following A telling D she would self-harm, to which D responded "yeah. I don't care, remember?") with D and 4 friends attacking me, calling me abusive and manipulative, and D saying he would curb stomp me if he wasn't in another country. D has also told A to leave me, which you can imagine I'm pretty upset about. 

A few minutes ago, he logged in to their old shared Instagram account to try and talk to her again, but because we have eachother's accounts, I blocked him. I'll tell her when she's awake tomorrow.

So, my question: am I the asshole for trying to cut this toxic, abusive person out of both of our lives?

I'm only asking because I have no clue how this is REALLY affecting her, but she seems to have less panic attacks and breakdowns now. 

**TL;DR abusive ex who I have a terrible relationship with wants to remain in my girlfriend's life, but I refuse to keep dating her and putting up with her breakdowns if he stays because it fucks me up too.**

