Is NOBODY wrong in the post ? POST : Prefacing the actual story, I suffer from ADHD and sensory processing dysfunction. Whenever sensory overload occurs I tend to react extremely irrational. I also want to state that I made my friend aware of that shortly after we met a year ago or so. Still, my condition does not stop me from attempting to get into situations where sensory overstimulation may occur (such as a party/club), after all, I cant just crawl into my shell all day long everyday.

Yesterday, I was in such a situation. My friend and I decided to have a night out at a local club to celebrate her newfound job (shes been jobless for a few months) and just to have a good time in general. Things started out well. Shots were poured, laughs were had and stories were shared.

After about 2-3 hours of fun, she suddenly decided to get a cig. Unfortunately, she didnt bring any herself. Instead, she decided to simply go into the smokers area and ask around if anyone was willing to share. She asked me if I would join her, but as an non-smoker I decided against it.

So she left me to my devices and went for a cig. 5 minutes turned into 10, 15, 20 minutes. Slowly, the effects of my last shot were fading away and I started to realize how full the club had become. Music started to appear louder to me, people kept shoving past me and I just felt left alone and sensory overload started to creep in. I felt anxiety and nervousness take hold of me. 

I started contemplating trying to find her and tell her but I decided to suck it up and stay put. Dont ask why, but for some reason I didnt want to disturb her smoking session.

Just as about 25 minutes had passed, she suddenly returned. With a guy in tow. She offered him drinks and asked him to join us. I politely shook his hand, but my brain somehow percieved him as just another load onto my already overloaded brain. I also didnt want to put up with being third wheeled that night either.

So thats when I snapped. My brain was in full fight or flight mode. When she turned to the bar to order new shots, I simply grabbed my coat and walked out. I eventually reached a bus station and got a ticket home. Only when my anger and panic started to fade the realisation crept in that I am probably a massive asshole and moron for leaving her alone in a club at 2 AM. I quickly messaged her, apologizing profusely but trying to explain I acted purely on instinct. She was pretty drunk so she was just confused.

However, as I woke up this morning I tried to call her to talk it out and she just snapped at me for not telling her that I felt unwell and accusing me of not trusting that she would understand. Instead I left her alone in town in her, lets just say, "attractive" outfit with no way home. Which is totally fair, thats exactly what I did. I just hadnt thought about any of it while in full flight mode.

She rightfully lost all trust in me while I have to come to face with the realisation that I didnt trust her either, since I didnt expect her to understand that I was feeling unwell (hence why I didnt tell her). But am I really the asshole in this situation, or should she have been more considerate?

_____________________________________________________

TL;DR: Had a sensory overload-induced panic attack in a club, got third wheeled, both of which caused me to get up and leave my friend behind without a word. She is now mad at me for not telling her that I needed to leave. Am I truly an asshole?