Throwaway account


I am a 24 year old man who dated a 20 year old woman for over a year. For the last three months of our relationship i was no longer in love with her. 

After a year of being together, my own mental state and money issues were at all time lows. At this time i decided to no longer emotionally support someone else in my life. My ex GF (who will now be named "sarah" for amoninity) is an amazing person to speak with. One of the reasons i fell in love with her initially was she put so much energy into her hobbies and talent. With those highs of energy she had very bad lows, we shared each others fears of being left alone or bad experinces with others in school. This made me feel close to sarah, but this was getting into what made me happy. 

I feel like im always running out of time in my life. Esspecially in the last 6 months i stopped doing things for myself that made me happy. Things like my writing and editing were not being done, cause i wanted to spebd more time with sarah. Thinking the only solution to solve these issues was to step away from the relationship after her birthday in late october. 

Right before I was planning to break up, her parents fell behind on rent and within the week she was getting kicked out of her place. We disscussed on sarahs short term plan to stay with me for two weeks, then helped her move all her stuff out in the coming month. With the first 2 weeks at my place we did not have sex, just lots of playing games and talking things out. During those 2 weeks she asked me "with me being kicked out of my place, do you still love me?". I lied and said that i did, that sarah getting kicked out didnt effect how i felt about her. 

After 1 month she found a place with a roommate and with the help of my brother we were able to move all her stuff from a storage locker, to her new apartment. Her mother then starts having more heart problems, and i delay telling her i wanted to break up for another month. About a week before chistmas is when i decided to break up with sarah. She seemed calm at the time and we didnt really communicate since late december.

Over the month of january i moved some of the last things she had at my place. only getting messages from her about getting rides to work from my brother, or just times when i can drop off boxes of her stuff. Then tonight when she picked up a box, was the first time i seen her afraid of me. Im not a scary looking boy, but that woke me up to write this down. So looking for dissucussion so i can figure out how to move on, i still dont want to lose talking to her. But getting back together as partners is something i dont want right now.



TLDR Was going to break up with sarah, didnt after 3 months, lied to her the whole time

