I was never really a cat person.  I grew up with dogs and personally prefer them over cats.  I got my cat kind of through an ex.  She lives in a small city with a lot of stray cats and used to leave food outside for them, she knew their personalities and would name a few of them.  As I was leaving her place one night one of the cats approached me.  She got super excited because that one had always been super timid and stayed away from everyone.  But it started rubbing up against me, letting me pet her, letting me hold her, etc.  The ex basically talked me into taking the thing home with me, which I did because the cat had some kind of connection with me.

That week I brought her to the vet, got her shots, got her spayed, and got medicine for fleas and worms.  She was also very thin when I got her, so I made sure she had good food and occasionally wet food.  It's been over two years now and I am just completely apathetic to this animal.  Look I have been a good pet owner.  She goes to the vet regularly, I buy her toys and play with her, I even bought her a 6' tall cat perch thing that she likes a lot.  Her litterbox is always clean, she always has good food (never bought the super cheap stuff), and I make sure to spend time giving her attention.  But I just have no emotional connection to this animal.

I've always been an animal lover too, people that abuse animals make me fucking sick and I still can't watch My Dog Skip.  But I'm also just tired of being tied to this animal.  I'm tired of sweeping cat litter, and getting rid of the odors, of cat hair and things getting knocked off tables.  I'm really just tired of taking care of an animal I feel nothing towards.  I honestly think if I had an animal that I actually loved, I wouldn't have a problem doing any of this.

There's also a part of me that thinks she would probably be better someplace where the owner actually loves her.  But I'm also pretty sure the cat has already bonded with me pretty closely, and she's still very timid around anyone else.  So I'm not sure if giving her up wouldn't even be best for the cat at this point.  I was going to give her up within a few months of getting her, but felt super guilty about it and decided not to.  So here I am again, questioning my judgement.