Is NOBODY wrong in the post ? POST : I'm travelling in NZ as a backpacker. I was staying somewhere on the north island for 2 weeks, I met a girl there, she's lovely, we spend loads of time together, after a week I make a move, she reciprocates, we kiss and cuddle in bed etc but I'm leaving soon to go work in another part of the country because my money is running out. She's staying at the hostel after I go.

The day before I leave she tells me we should just be friends. Because I like her so much my brain interprets this as meaning she simply just doesn't want to commit to anything yet. I didn't interpret it to mean she didn't have feelings for me or that nothing would ever happen between us because I hated the thought of those things being true. I should have pressed for more information then. I didn't. My fault.

On the morning I leave we kiss. This reaffirms to me she feels something. We agree to meet up soon when she's got some money and just talk about it then and see where we go from there.

As soon as I leave everything changes. She never initiates contact online. Whenever I try to talk to her she barely says anything. I don't ask her why because I'm a coward and scared of the answer.

We meet up after 2 months like we agreed. She says she doesn't have any feelings for me at all. She says I'm not her type, that she doesn't want anything romantic or sexual in her life at all, that she might be a lesbian. I ask her why we got all loved up before. She says it's just because I made a move on her, like she didn't want it and couldn't say no and I just assaulted her, even though it was completely consensual at the time and she told me she liked me when it happened.

I've been in this other place for two months before we met up again, pining for her, unable to move on with my life, talking to her online. At no point during that 2 months did she tell me her lack of feelings. At the end of us meeting up again she says we can be friends. I decline, telling her it would be too painful for me, that I need to go no contact. She says she understands. We hug. I leave. I go no contact. I get over her. 

4 months later we bump into each other at the same hostel on the south island. We say hi. We don't speak after that. I leave early because I feel sick, I can't eat or sleep.

The day after I leave I message her online. I say could I just ask a couple of questions about her general travel plans so we don't awkwardly bump into each other again, which was obviously uncomfortable for both of us. I know she sees the messages, won't respond. I wanted a 2 min convo for some peace of mind that this wouldn't happen again. She won't respond but she won't block me either. She just reads the messages and then does nothing.

I'm paranoid about accidentally staying in the same hostel as her again. I can't be around her in the same place, it kills me. AITA for messaging her again after 4 months of no contact? I feel like a bit of a psycho

