This happened a while ago, but it's been weighing on my conscience ever since. Sorry it's a little long.

Since September, I've shared a student apartment on campus with 3 randomly assigned roommates, all girls my age (18-20). Two of my roommates are really quiet and basically unnoticeable most of the time, but one of them, Emma, is extremely extroverted. She has 2-4 friends over to our place 3-5 nights a week, usually after 8pm. They get pretty loud sometimes and our walls are super thin. I've never brought it up, though, because Emma and I get along well enough and I don't want to add any negativity to our relationship. I don't want to be seen as the buzzkill roommate. And it's usually not too bad, anyway - the friends are usually gone by the time I go to bed. It's a little annoying but I can live with it.

Late in November, Emma sent a message to our group chat asking if it would be okay for her to host a Christmas party at our apartment  in early December. The other two roommates were planning to be out of town that week, so the party was no problem for them. But I was really hesitant to agree, since December is final exam season. I ended up not responding to the message at all, partly due to indecision, partly because I just forgot about it.

A few days later, I got a Facebook notification. I'd been invited to an event by Emma. It was her Christmas party, which was now set to take place on December 10th. I checked my calendar, and... yup, I had an exam on the morning of December 11th. I started freaking out a little bit and figured I needed to ask Emma to change the date.

Luckily, Emma sent another notification later that same day. She had emailed our RA asking for the party contract  (since we live in student housing, we have to sign a contract before hosting any events with 10+ attendees) . The RA had rejected her request, because parties are not allowed during exam season. Emma asked if anyone living off-campus would be willing to host the party at their place, and if not then they could hit up a bar or restaurant instead of having a party. Needless to say, I was relieved, and assumed the party would NOT take place at our apartment.

On the morning of December 10th, I bumped into Emma while packing up to go to the library to study. She said, "Hey, are you going to be home tonight? It's the party!" I was alarmed but played it cool, laughing and saying no thanks, I have an exam first thing tomorrow morning. She told me good luck and then I left, panicking a little. I immediately regretted not telling Emma my concerns about the party, but I assumed it wouldn't be loud or run too late. I had just told her about my exam, so I figured she'd be considerate enough to adjust her plans accordingly

I stayed at the library all day. I got home at 9:45pm, thinking the party was probably over by now. But as soon as I opened the door, I was hit with a blast of music and drunken laughter. I could see 20+ people in the kitchen. I quickly ducked into my room and tried to study for a little while, but the noise was too much. People were standing right outside my door and laughing. Emma's room is right next to mine, and I could hear a couple making out inside of it.

I called the RA's emergency phone number. I told her that there was a loud party in my unit and that I wanted it to get shut down. The RA came over at around 10:45pm and upon being let into the apartment, yelled at everyone to leave immediately. I was still hiding in my room, but I could hear Emma protesting, getting upset, saying that everyone would leave in 15 minutes, etc. The RA wouldn't budge, and wouldn't leave our place until all the partygoers had cleared out and our apartment was dead silent.

A few days later, Emma told me what had happened to her party. I tried to get out of the conversation, but when I couldn't, I feigned obliviousness and sympathy. I reacted to her story with "oh no" "that sucks" "wow, it sounds like it was a fun party" etc., not saying too much and also not owning up to the fact that I had made the complaint. I was too scared and didn't want to ruin our friendship.

So... I'm pretty sure Emma is an asshole for breaking the rules and throwing a party, but was I an asshole for never being upfront with her?