Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : **Long post ahead. (tl;dr below)**

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So I've been with this girl for around 3.5 years now. She and I are both each other's firsts. The first couple of years were great. I felt like she was a little clingy at the start, but I realized that it was just my not ever having another human being in my life before and being selfish with my time. I always obliged to her requests to hang out every day of the week (we were both in university at the time), but I did feel like it was emotionally draining. We get along great and she is on the same wavelength as me in terms of humor and some issues, but we are both pretty reasonable adults that understand that we don't have to agree on everything in the world and that's okay.

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The problems started about a year into the relationship, when I realized she was not the most optimistic of people. I myself am a very (overly) optimistic person who always hopes for the best even if it is a long shot. I figure, why worry about horrible things now when you have all the time in the world later if it comes true? Sadly, she does not hold the same worldview and is constantly thinking about worst case scenarios and how she is not good enough and will never amount to anything. She also doesn't really know what to do with her life and constantly thinks lesser of herself for it. One thing that really shocked me was the flippant way she used phrases like "I want to die" when small things didn't go as planned or she didn't get good grades and such. I didn't understand it when I first encountered it, and dealt with it pretty horribly (*"why don't you just think about happier things instead if thinking about stuff like this gets you so down?"*). I got better at consoling her but I still never really understood her line of thinking.

I only *recently* understood it when she was trying to explain it to me and I realized that little things that were not going correctly would *severely* stress her out. Also social situations with new people or people she's not entirely comfortable with. I realized that it is probably something that she is not in control of and so I am trying to be as supportive as I can.

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Secondly, when we first started dating, we would get physical and stuff, but after a year and a half into the relationship, we went overseas on exchange and didn't see each other for months at a time. This was when we stopped the physicality and it just never started up again. I tried initiating it a few times to no avail but it got harder and harder (pun not intended) to so I stopped entirely, thinking that maybe she was just not in a good place for it right now. At around this same time, she started talking to me (on text) less and less as well, which contributed to increased awkwardness and less opportunities for physicality. We still talked everyday, but at its worst, she would text a "*Good morning"* and I would regale her with stuff happening during the day, but she would only reply at night stuff like "*I'm so tired today, let's sleep. Goodnight!*". Naturally I felt the distance and it was disheartening to say the least.

In addition, I am personally a very physical person and I love hugs and stuff like that, but this also dwindled, which made me kinda sad.

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The final thing is that she started to not tell me everything about her life. By this time we had graduated and so began the job searches. I expected her to tell me about companies she was looking at, maybe ask me for advice or something, but nothing at all. I did ask her about it but she would give vague answers and no names of the companies she was applying to. I would find out about the actual companies and the results only sometimes when we were out together with mutual friends and when people asked her about her job search. This really hurt as I felt like she couldn't tell me everything anymore. I talked to her about it and she did say that she didn't like announcing stuff like this because of the possibility that she doesn't get what she applied for which would lead to telling people she got rejected. I totally understand that, but I sort of assumed that I wasn't just *anyone*. She does have a best friend with whom she talks often about stuff like this though, which kinda hurt a bit, as I felt like I was less than a best friend now. Coupled with the distance and sparsity of interactions, I feel like I'm just a friend now.

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I recently sat her down to talk to her about it, and I had planned to break up with her, but she started tearing up when I was building up to it and talking to her about these problems. I didn't think she cared enough to cry, so that really surprised me and I told her that I'm willing to try again, but things need to change. This was around 6 months ago. Things have gotten better as we are talking more and going out more, but I still feel like just a friend at this point as she can't talk to me about everything and the lack of physicality (sexual and otherwise).

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(tl;dr)

So, in summary,

1. She feels distant as she doesn't tell me about her days unless I ask and she doesn't feel comfortable talking to me about everything
2. There is very little nonsexual physicality even though I am a very physical person, and no sexual physicality.
3. Her pessimism (which I totally understand and I don't fault her but I feel like it's changing me into a less optimistic person :/ )

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**AITA** for wanting to break up with her for these reasons, and should I do it sooner rather than later? :/