My husband and I have a mutual friend who we adore very much, who we will call Charlie. Charlie has been with his current boyfriend for over 3 years. When we met his bf, Paul, we were told he had some mental issues (not specifics) but was mostly fully functional. Charlie also has some issues but we get along just fine.

Paul seemed childlike in his behaviour, but we had fun, so we made many plans for us to hang out as a group. As time went on our patience has worn thin, to the point where we really don't want to see Paul anymore. 

Imagine you have a 25 year old, 6 foot tall 5 year old. A million little things like taking food without asking, making messes in the living room, going through your stuff... To joking about playing a "prank" on you involvong your phobia. He has even tried to kiss/grope my bf. Every time we see him, he does something to genuinely anger my bf or I. 

Once or twice we have hung out with Charlie, stating that Paul wasn't welcome, which Charlie was very understanding of. He knows how Paul is and knows he's crossed the line so many times, and tries to tell Paul but Paul just doesn't get it.

We wanted to spend new years with Charlie so extended our invite to include Paul, and it went as expected. Afterwards my husband and I just spent 20 minutes venting to each other about all the ways Paul had annoyed us this time. 

I realize this isn't healthy, and I feel cruel smiling at Paul and pretending to have fun when in reality I just want to never see him again, but we don't know how else to be able to see Charlie regularly. 

Are we the assholes here?