Ok. I’m a single/divorced 31m teacher. BORING existence; work, grad school, laundry, etc. I had given up on dating in general. I have my shit together in the traditional sense; own my home, nice car, pretty content with my life. Just giving some backstory as to why I wasn’t interested in pursuing anyone necessarily, kinda comfortable with the occasional fling and that’s it. 

I have a friend with an older sister. She also has her shit together; owns a home, steady job, nice car, fun hobby, etc. I’ve just never viewed her as a potential partner. She made initial contact with me. Started texting daily, then it became every couple of hours, and eventually it was constant. She would best be described as a kinda plain/homely woman, and I’m not judging, I don’t exactly peak the look meter at a 10. It is known she’s never had a relationship, a date, a kiss, or anything else in between those. I began to slow down my responses to her texting as I realized she was probably viewing my friendliness as interest, and then I very directly made it known I wasn’t looking to date or have a relationship. I pumped the brakes hard. She took the hint, but would still text at least twice daily each day. 

Fast forward to a few months ago and I meet a woman, a former colleague, who I considered far out of my league, in multiple areas. She had apparently asked around for my number. We hit it off right away. Many of the same interests, outlooks on life, political viewpoints, etc. I was shocked. We took it slow, but it soon became apparent to both of us we had feelings for one another, so we’ve kinda moved into that weird relationship phase where it’s not really labeled, but it’s not just casual sex. All the while I’m still fielding texts from my buddy’s sister, but none of them are anything remotely indicative of interest in her. Just friendly texts every few days when I would respond to 2-3 days worth of her texts at one time. I also clearly indicated I was once again not looking for a relationship or interested in her. She’s been blowing up my phone the last few days as I have pumped the brakes pretty hard again, but, to reiterate, I haven’t implied or stated any interest in her at all. 

Things are getting more serious with the former colleague and that’s what I want for sure. I feel I’ve been pretty open about my intentions and not leading at all with my comments with my buddy’s sister. So..WIBTA if I simply “ghost” her? WIBTA if I just bluntly tell her that I’m dating someone, even though I’ve clearly stated I have no interest in a relationship? The implication of that being she wasn’t good enough for a relationship, which isn’t true, but I’m not looking for one with her.  It’s important to note she has kinda mentioned some dark thoughts/mental illness and I’m trying to figure out which way would also be less damaging for her. 