CONTEXT: Ever since I (M,15) was a little kid I’ve been bullied extensively and I never had any real friends. I grew up with extreme trust issues and to this day I’m constantly scared that I’m the odd one out in every friendship group I’m in. 

I’m now a Sophomore in high school and I attend a youth group every Tuesday with some friends. These friends are a group of Grade 12s (Seniors) along with Sophmore and one Junior. They’ve all been a group for a little bit and I recently joined in the summer.

These friends are all really awesome and I’m especially good friends with the Junior (let’s call her E), who is the girlfriend of one of the Seniors (let’s call him C). I’ve known C since I was young, but since he’s older I didn’t talk to him much before now. We’re now good friends.

Anyway, last Tuesday I had a breakdown at youth group. Me and this group were watching Hereditary and someone asked if the dog died, and asked someone to google it, so I did. They all got “mad at me” for spoiling the movie, and I got upset because they asked me to find out (I found out later they were joking). I have a social disorder and I can’t tell when someone’s being serious or not, as well as anxiety and depression, so I took it seriously. This isn’t the first time this group has made jokes making fun of me; C pretends to bully me and I’m fine with it, but I’ve started to read too much into it.

Long story short, I left youth group in tears and didn’t respond to E and C’s texts asking where I went. I later returned after finally talking to E, where she told me I was only noticing the times everyone was saying things about me. I trust and love E and I don’t at all think this was gaslighting or anything, and I think I was reading too much into it. When I got back, everyone acted differently and a lot more gentle with me.

This isn’t the first time I’ve broken down in front of these people. I love them and I’m afraid that I’m being a toxic friend and that they feel they have to walk on eggshells around me. AITA?