I came home tonight and my wife was telling me about her day. One item she recalled was going to target, and she specifically mentioned getting meyer's clean day soap. The last time meyer's clean day soap was purchased was the first time we purchased it for our house - she specifically requested for me to get it. I had asked, "which variety" and she had told me, "any" I then, like an idiot got different varieties of dish and hand soap, ruining the aesthetic she was trying to present in our kitchen. (never expressed to me.  No fight from this)

Anyways, that left us with extra of this expensive dish soap, which I thought we would use next and just get matching hand soap for that time.

So, she mentions she got new dish and hand soap, and I replied with "ooh, remember that I got that other one last time that we should probably use?"

Her tone then becomes annoyed with me and she says that's not the one she likes and she got the variety she likes. At this point, I'm confused because regardless of whether it's her favorite variety or not, we should use that first. However, now I'm feeling a heavy bad attitude coming from her - my assumption (from our usual poor communication) is that she feels accused of a bad memory or lack of observation in our daily life by me. (She thinks I'm saying she didn't remember we had the extra soap and that she's stupid for it.)

So, after asking why she's perturbed, and verifying it is because she is upset about me asking a question about whether she may have forgotten the extra soap (she told me that my questioning of her was rude/offensive) I try to explain myself in hopes of setting the record straight, because I had absolutely no intention of passing any judgment about whether she knew the soap was there or not. 3x I explain that me asking why she got new soap was not me accusing her or having a poor memory or not being observant, and that it was simply because I could easily imagine MYSELF forgetting the extra soap was there that I asked that question. Each time, she answers in a fashion that ignores my explanation, and only escalates her frustration with me. I am remaining calm in my explanation the entire time, and quite honestly, begging to be understood.

Probably shouldn't have bothered explaining, but not being understood makes me feel utterly empty and disrespected / marginalized / villainized.

Anyways, this ends in her giving me "advice" as to how I could approach the situation better, while she spoke of each of us only being able worry about ourselves in the situation and that the only way something like this would improve in the future was for us both to work on our own end. (which I agree with, but paired with the "advice" to me on how to approach it, and no outward recognition about what she could have done different to help, seems quite hypocritical.)

Anyways, AITA?

Any thoughts are appreciated here. I really need the sanity check, even if it's hard truth for me to face.

Thank you.