Throwaway account for obvious reasons. It's also really long, sorry. But I'd really like to hear your thoughts.

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People are me, ex-girlfriend (GF) and her friend (F).

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I met GF a couple of years ago in the major European tourist destination where I live. At the time I had a little bit of notoriety and a wild confidence and was having a lot of success with women. (Not intending to humblebrag, it's relevant to whether I am an asshole). My number one rule was to be totally upfront about everything and only sleep with girls who understood that it was never going to be anything serious. Girls who were looking for something serious didn't normally think much of me, so the system worked well. I was promiscuous, but I believe I was respectful too.

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One night I'm in a bar, when two girls approach me and start flirting. I'm immediately into both of them, and my wild confidence begins to wonder if I can swing a threesome. I take them to another bar, and GF tells me that F wants me to take her home. I figure "that's her in the bag then", and immediately kiss GF to see if they'll both come. It doesn't quite work out like that -- F goes home with one of my friends, and GF and I hook up on the bathroom sink. Everyone's happy though.

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I still think a threesome is possible, so I invite them both out again. I'm doing this "which nationality kisses better?" thing, and they're both into it - kissing each other and me. F is wearing a short dress and every time we kiss I discreetly slip my fingers up and touch her. It's turning into a wild night, but GF isn't into it and comes home with me alone. 

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A couple days later GF and I go for dinner and suddenly I realise I'm really falling for her. She's only in the city for a few months, so I suggest being exclusive for that time so we can enjoy life together properly before she leaves. She's against the idea initially (she wasn't looking for anything serious) but comes round to it. After a blissful few months we tell each other that we love each other, but she still eventually leaves for a different country. I've already been hurt by the long-distance thing once so we officially break up.

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My life goes back to being a wild cartwheel of women, and she dates other guys too. A few months after she leaves, F and I meet drunkenly on the street by chance. I've always wanted to sleep with her, and she feels the same, so I take her back to mine. We both understand it's a fun, no strings attached, one night thing. I really enjoy it, no regrets.

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For the next couple of years, I call GF every week and we see each other every few months. Most of the time she comes to me, I sometimes come to her, we meet each other's parents etc. We aren't officially dating, but we come to rely on each other emotionally. Eventually she tells me that she wants to quit her job, move back to my city, and be together.

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So far, by her choice, we've operated on a "don't ask, don't tell" policy with regard to other partners. But I think that if she's going to make such a big life decision to be with me, she should have all the facts. I tell her the number of girls I've slept with during our relationship, and also that I slept with F a few months after she left. She tells me that she slept with an ex-boyfriend and dated some other guys for months at a time. I tell her that I really enjoy our relationship, and I've made mistakes in the past by trying to change things too quickly, but I'll be happy if she moves back. Everything seems good, and a week or so later (while she's arranging to move back) she calls me to explicitly say she's totally fine about the whole situation. I forget about it. In fact, I organise a big ten day roadtrip with her and some friends to welcome her back to the country.

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As soon as I meet her on the first day of the roadtrip, I can tell that something is wrong. She doesn't touch or kiss me. But she's otherwise the cool, awesome girl I've always known. For a while. Then she starts putting me down in front of my friends, humiliating me, really twisting the knife. I'm confused. I've never known her to be cruel before -- and she's always on her phone smiling about something. I figure she's seeing another guy, and about half way through the trip I confront her and she admits it.

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In theory, I'm 100% fine with this. But in practice: she's lied to me; she's ignoring me; she's being actively cruel. And all the while I'm spending huge amounts on the first holiday I've had in years. It's horrible for me, and her, and my friends, but we talk about it and end the trip on superficially good terms. I'm wracked emotionally. On the one hand, I'm totally comfortable with polyamory. On the other, the needless deception and cruelty were deeply hurtful.

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As soon as the road trip is over, I decide to hike deep into the mountains with a friend in order to clear my head. But the trip is a disaster. I'm fit and experienced, but I didn't have much time for planning, and I end up with no real food, a three-day hike to the nearest town, and crippling altitude sickness. I drag myself out of the mountains on foot, losing 10% of my bodyweight in just a couple of days, and hitch-hike back to my city.  GF tells me to come to her place, and I arrive with a fever, barely aware of what's happening around me. We spend an hour talking through some of her problems, and then she puts me in her bed and then goes out partying. The next day, she tells me I have to go home (a 2 hour train journey) because she wants to hang out with some friends of mine instead.

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I literally don't have the strength to carry my things, so I leave it all behind. Somehow I make it home and call my dad. Before I can say a word, he tells me that my grandfather has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. After the call, I text GF looking for support, and explain that I was upset that she left me when I needed help. She calls me and shouts down the phone for 7 minutes straight. At this point I'm just crying silently and watching the timer go up.

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Over the next few days, she keeps telling me she loves me, but never manages to do even one thing that a normal person would do for someone they love. Some of my work acquaintances show me more warmth and kindness. I'm very confused. My behavior becomes toxic and unattractive - I'm pushing her away because I'm desperate for her to prove that she does care about me after all. But she doesn't. I find her other lover's email address on the internet and contact him to make sure he had all the facts too. She calls me in tears. It's clear who matters more to her. She tells me she's ashamed.

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GF arranges for her other lover to come visit the city. It's my birthday. The weight loss from the mountains and the emotional turmoil of what feels like a deep betrayal is too much for me, and I declare the relationship over. She's fine with it. You can't heal by hurting other people, so even though my heart is breaking we meet one last time and I say every nice thing I can think of, and we hug goodbye. Hours later, she meets her other lover and I binge watch netflix to escape life. Over the next few weeks, I discover to my horror that terms like "heart break" and "heart ache", which I'd always assumed were poetic, are actual, literal expressions for the physical manifestations of extreme emotional pain. It sucked.

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For so long I had felt like the king of the city. I had been convinced that by being open and honest no-one would get hurt. But I've spent the last 5 months wondering if that was all a mad delusion. 

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I've quit dating until I can clear my head. But I can't work it out.

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What's your judgement? Am I the asshole?