Stuff is going like, great between me and the boyfriend. Except for one thing; he likes to smoke weed (often), and drink (rarely, doesn't get drunk), while I have PTSD tied to the stuff because of some childhood trauma.

To explain the trauma, my mom was an abuser, who smoked cigarettes throughout my childhood and was a an alcoholic for a few years. Even worse than that I found out from my dad that she was actually an addict on a variety of other drugs my whole life and just hid it from me. And her boyfriend when I was in kindergarten, whom I loved dearly, died of lung cancer from secondhand smoke. She was the only smoker he knew. Basically, she *killed* him. And her ENTIRE side of the family smoked cigarettes too, and since I got dropped off at school and they smoked in their cars and home, I went to school smelling like smoke most days.

Now to my boyfriend. One of the very reasons I even AGREED to go out with him is because he didn't really plan to drink or smoke. This changed like three weeks into college. His friend convinced him to smoke weed, and then he just had to try alcohol too. I was like "okay, don't like this, but so long as he accommodates me, we're good". For awhile, I'll admit I went too hard and wouldn't let him even MENTION the stuff. By this point, I am chill with the mention of it. But now, he'll try and get me to consider like, being around it, “to get over it" sometimes, but does drop it when I say no. I know it's a big part of his life, and where he met a lot of friends, but I just can't even consider it. Like, when we went to his family's Thanksgiving, EVERYONE was drinking heavily. And I was sitting on the edge of a panic attack the entire evening, unable to have fun. When he asked if he could have one drink, I felt like vomiting, and asked if he wouldn't. Alcohol is a smaller trigger than smoke, so if I couldn't handle that I couldn't handle anything else.

I know he just wants me to be involved in all parts of his life, and not being okay with this means I can't meet all of his friends, but my trauma is so fresh because my sister is STIll suffering from the repercussions of substance abuse now, and I can't do anything to help her. I have not made any attempt to try and stop him, because I know it is not my place. My boyfriend does everything responsibly and safely, so I trust him, but I'm not at a point in my life in which I can handle it. I love him, and we have almost no issues beyond this. He is not the bad guy here IMO, but my stance is that I'm not either.

**TDLR; I can't be around alcohol or any sort of drug that is smoked due to trauma that is still fresh, but my boyfriend who does those things wants me to be fully involved in his life. AITA for asking him to just do it away from me so we can enjoy everything else about our relationship, or should I 1) buckle up and get used to it or 2) end the whole thing because I can't accept everything about him?**