 

I live in Australia and they live in England, we've been dating for collectively 2 years. After our first year of dating my partner broke up with me because they were unable to handle the distance, I didn't take it well and we didn't talk for 6 months. After 6 months they messaged me and our relationship rekindled and is going reasonably well except for the distance. My partner's currently trying to get their top surgery through the nhs. I'm in uni. Near the start we decided that my partner would be the one to move because they insisted, as well as me preferring my city because the both of us are able to walk down the street without people glaring. As the distance was the issue last time I wanted to try and get moved in asap, long distance is shit and as we're both young in low paying jobs at most we can afford to see each other 3 times a year.

My partner going to move when they got info that they could get an appointment with a gender therapist to get evaluated for top surgery in March last year and appointments are being organised for applicants from mid 2017 atm. Obviously it's going to take a long time; I suggested that I quit uni and move to England until my partner would be able to move here. My partner doesn't like this idea and keeps insisting that I shouldn't give up my future, I've got friends here etc. I know that they care about me and don't want to be the reason I quit school but it's turned into a 'nobody can move' situation and it's stressful. Our relationship is great when we're together and I'm very happy with them.

Over the past couple of months I've been suggesting things like dropping out or my partner moving in and we get a bank loan and get their surgery done here through private care. My partner doesn’t want to deal with debt yet, which is fair but it just means we're stuck waiting around for the nhs. If you keep up with Australian immigration law changes you'd be aware that the government is making it very hard to get accepted for a visa, as well as rural-only visas being considered to stop overpopulation in capitals. As I live in a capital city I'm worried that if moving gets put off any longer my partner won't be able to move at all, or that I'm going to end up having to quit school anyway. It feels like we're never going to have an actual relationship and I keep getting upset over the smallest things and it always ends with the same 'move in' 'I can't' conversation. I feel like the asshole because I know my partner feels guilty and I keep begging, but I also think they're the asshole because they actively are stopping me from moving in with them because they know I don't like England and don’t want me to quit school. I definitely don't want to stop them from getting their top surgery in any way because I truly love them and I know how much it would mean to them, I just also don't want it to possibly halt our lives together for years.

Am I the asshole in this situation or are we both shit?