Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : Hey, first time posting in this subreddit. Bear with me if I do anything wrong!

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So I'm in colorguard/ winterguard, which is a team activity that requires us to perform at competitions every Saturday against others in our division. Because it's so performance-based, every teammate plays a role in the show. I don't have any solos or anything, but if I'm not there, the drill (where everyone is supposed to be and move to, etc. etc. Think of marching band formations i guess?) can get messed up and the judges will see that someone is missing. Thing is, the judges might also think that we simply don't know where we're supposed to be going and dock points from our final score.

Aside from that, I've also missed a ton of practices this season already due to the fact that I've got an immune system as strong as a house of cards and depression that's been flaring up bad these past few months. So I'm basically already the team's weakest link.  


Now, as the title says, the reason why I would be missing competition is because my grandpa is currently in the hospital and I don't think I'd be able to focus well during our performance because I'd be worrying about him. Apparently, he's been vomiting so badly that he passes out and his heart stops beating for a few seconds. HOWEVER, my mom (who flew back to China yesterday to be with my grandpa) says that he's currently doing okay. My dad is pretty certain my grandpa will be fine. So really, there's not much reason for me to be missing competition, especially because this is our penultimate comp.  


I'll be honest, here. I hate colorguard this season. Part of the reason I think I'm so depressed is because I absolutely despise my teammates because they're all so mean to each other and they treat me like I'm garbage for missing practice. I am crazy worried about my grandpa, but deep down, I think I'm eager to be missing competition because I just don't want to go. 

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My friends all say I'm justified regardless because my teammates suck and because it's not healthy for me to deal with so much stress, but I'm just not sure. I feel like my reasons are so skewed.  


So... am I the asshole?   
