I’m 19, work three minimum wage jobs and attend college full time while maintaining good grades. My mom and I have never fully gotten along but lately it’s gotten so much worse. She’s one of those people who always has to have it worse than you and is always right. My dad just puts up with it to keep the peace and I did for a long time too until recently. I started going to therapy for my depression and my therapist said that when she starts to cause problems I should not be afraid to stick up for myself. I have a problem with letting people walk all over me and my therapist knows this.

Despite all that I know my mom loves me but sometimes I think she does things just to keep me on a leash. I pay my own car bill but that’s it. My parents handle the insurance and my phone bill. I’ve offered to at least pick up my phone bill since it’s only about $30 a month and I’m trying to get my credit score up either way but she always says no and turns it into a fight about how I’m ungrateful and such.


I’m not exactly a neat person. When I’m in a better mental state my bedroom tends to be neat but when I’m feeling depressed it kinda goes to shit. I’ve tried to keep it clean but my motivation to do so always just kinda vanishes after awhile. My parents HATE this. They will undermine everything I’ve ever accomplished if my room isn’t clean. For example, I just got a part time job teaching private voice and piano, something that is very difficult to do without a degree of some kind. I told my parents and they didn’t care at all because my laundry wasn’t done. They’ll also take any fight my mom and I have and spin it back on me because my room isn’t clean, even if it has nothing to do with that. For example, my mom one time saw me wearing a bikini, poked my stomach and said 

“Mmmm Pasta?”

Mind you I’m very self conscious about my weight and struggled with bulimia for awhile. I stormed out of the house and went crying to the beach only to get a text ten minutes later “Well maybe if your room was clean...”

Well the other day I was fighting with my mom (again) because I said I was looking into apartments. I had told her I want to move in with a friend because I think not living together would help our relationship more and give me the space I need. She started crying and screaming about how I was “so ungrateful” and “not ready for the real world.” 

I’d had enough and that point and told her I wanted out because she has no idea how to treat anyone with any sort of respect, let alone her own daughter. I essentially just went off and she went to work crying. 

I feel bad, I do love her and all, but I’m so sick and tired of all the bs. I know I should keep my room clean but when I tried to explain why I don’t with all my mental health problems I was just called a “snowflake millennial” and told my disorders were fake. Meanwhile my mom sits there and preaches that she has BPD when she’s yet to be diagnosed.

Am I the asshole? 