Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : For some backstory, I have a different perspective on marriage and what I think it’s supposed to be about. I’m 28f and got married to my husband (31) about a year ago, and we both agreed it would be more meaningful if we were alone, so that’s what we did. We took our kids to celebrate for dinner the night before. My brother got a temporary ordainment and married my husband and I on a beautiful beach and took pictures, it was perfect and all i ever wanted/needed- I’m simple, I hate the idea of a huge wedding with tons of people, tons of money spent, ridiculous dresses, all of it. I can’t stand it honestly, it takes away from it all and in the end seems more of a fake projection to me. I have extreme anxiety issues and it’s hard for me to go to ANY party which I don’t know if many people understand. It sucks feeling that way so what usually happens is I get wasted and do something ridiculous. Last Christmas, my mother in law went on a long rant about how upset she was that we didn’t want a wedding. I explained that I understand and that I was sorry, but I’m anxious and that I feel like a big wedding would more or less take away the most important part of getting married to me- sharing our own special bond. She doesn’t work and my father in law is an engineer, but they struggle because she has insane spending habits and is constantly throwing ravish parties and buying furniture that they can’t afford.

So to the actual party, my husband told me we were going to an anniversary party for his parents. We both have kids from previous relationships; I have one daughter and he has two and they were all originally going to come, but my daughter (who is 7) did not want to go, so figuring there would be a bunch of drunk people at their anniversary party I told her she could spend the night at her dads house and it was ok, I wasn’t going to force her. My husband said NOTHING to me to hint that I should take her.

We go to the party and I walk in, immediately swarmed by people clapping and saying “surprise!” I noticed my own mother walking up to me with her phone, recording me and it clicked what was actually happening. I wanted to die. I wanted to crawl away and cry and I was speechless. I was in front of a room of about 150 people, mostly his family and a scattered amount of mine. I went around and started hugging people and my mother asked where my daughter was. I immediately texted her dad and told him the situation, he said she still didn’t want to go so I told him to please try to get her to. 

My immediate family was there but so was an estranged cousin that I want nothing to do with. We had a rocky past and I was good with never seeing her again (she spread rumors about me, is a hairdresser and cut my daughters hair for her first haircut without bothering to ask me, etc.) My daughter wasn’t really thought of, no one thought to make sure she would go and my husband didn’t even think to tell me at least so I could bring her. I think he was afraid of my reaction because him and his mother knew I didn’t want this and knew my reasons for it. My husband is agreeable and is the same as me, hates parties and knows his father can’t afford anything like that, but his mother told him a week before and that “they could cancel but they already spent a ton of money.” I was asked all night by my whole family why she wasn’t there. His ENTIRE family was there and a few of his friends- none of mine were invited. His mother had set our seats to be with his brother and sister at a table- neither of my brothers (I didn’t sit there, I saw at my family’s table.) She wanted us to a dance to some country song SHE picked, I don’t like country, so I asked for something by Jim Croce- the dance didn’t end up happening. She had my husbands brother do a speech that SHE wrote. The whole night she told me how much she had to spend and how she had to tip everyone and their mother. Then at the end of the night, I was surrounded by two of his cousins girlfriends and some inbred looking lady from his side, all making remarks about what I was wearing (all black) and how drunk I was.

I feel seriously depressed that in all of these pictures, my daughter wasn’t there. She’s the most important part of me and now these pictures of our “wedding” are out there forever with her missing. I don’t want her to wonder why she wasn’t there. I also would have prepared more and gotten ready/worn something not all black and fixed my appearance up. I would have invited my friends and people I’m close to at work. I almost wish I had done it myself because it’s not like I can do it again...

This “wedding” was more for my mother in law in my eyes. I feel like an ungrateful jerk but am I really? I know it was a lot of effort and money but with all the things I would’ve had if I had really wanted to do my own damn wedding, I feel cheated. I’m thinking about texting her and telling her that I’m upset but don’t know if this is a bad idea. Am I an asshole or should I let this lady know what’s up? 