Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : There's going to be a lot of context here so feel free to skip to the TL;DR. It's one of those memories that keeps me up in the evening and I want to make peace with it.   


I had an ex-boyfriend (call him Dave) who I dated for 2 years. We had been friends in the same close-knit group since high school and ended up dating during university. It all fell apart and we split "mutually", only for Dave to ghost me for a long time. It was pretty tough and made the getting-over-it process quite difficult. I did manage to make peace with those feelings for the most part, although it was always painful and awkward for me to speak to him - whilst he got to have a relatively "pain-free" friendship with me. He got a new gf (Ella) and got to not really suffer much emotional fall out. I know this from the one or two times I managed to actually speak to him after we broke up.

Fast-forward a year and Dave and Ella have split it up. It turns out Ella was really paranoid and toxic, she had essentially banned him from hanging out with me after the first few months of them dating. The ghosting from Dave is partially explained away. In the same year, actually moved to a new city and got a really cool new job and ended up living with a different high school friend, from the same close-knit group, call her Lily. It is the summer time and I choose to take a small vacation away to USA for 2 weeks to meet up with old time friends and enjoy my birthday. On the day I return to the UK, I plan a big birthday party and invite all my friends from high school to come over and stay in the city. I tentatively invite Dave, as we reconnected once he and Ella split, and let him know that I am glad we are friends. 

The party day arrives and my friends all arrive through the afternoon and evening, we drink in our flat and it's great to have the gang back together. We head out to the club and party a little more, drink a little more. Once we get home, I make the front room into like a giant pillow-y nest for all my friends with sofas and mattresses for everyone; I cook a big  batch of pasta for everyone to have as their drunk bedtime food. I fucking love trying to be the hostess with most-ess, can you tell, lol? Lily (housemate) offers to put Dave up in her room (as well as one other friend of ours, who declines). This itched my anxious brain a bit because she \*always\* flat out refuses to have people stay in her room when we've hosted people in the past. But, whatever, we are all friends and have been for years - if Dave wants a comfy bed instead of a sofa, who am I to stop him, eh?

The next night I couldn't sleep. I had that \*feeling\*, y'know, that Lily and Dave had got up to something. I actually had a panic attack about it and feel like such an idiot - they're both single adults who can do what they like. Over-reacting x2000. I went for an early morning walk to clear my head and messaged another friend from the close-knit group once it hit an appropriate time; asking if she knew whether Dave and Lily had done anything. She said yes, she knew Dave and Lily had kissed once they had gone to bed together. Dave and Lily had both just come out of difficult relationships and were surely in need of just some good old human affection.

Here's where I want to know if I am the asshole; I flew off the handle. As everyone had left the city already, I made a group chat of me, Lily, and Dave and demanded to know why they thought it was ok and told them they'd really, really hurt me. They responded, as anyone would, that they're lonely and single and it was just a drunk kiss but also with a classic "sorry your feelings are hurt". I rebutted with that doesn't stop my feelings from being hurt and I would like an apology for their actions, not because my feelings hurt, trying to force them into confronting what they'd done as if it was an OH-SO-TERRIBLE-EVIL thing. I mull this over a lot, because Dave actually refused to talk to me because my response made him so anxious and upset that he'd done something wrong. Lily apologised after a bit of prodding and poking, but it took a long time for Dave to understand why I was upset and for him to apologise.

They were both single. It was just a drunken kiss. I made them both very upset for calling them out, and I could've done it more tactfully. But also, it was my birthday, I was trusting Dave for the first time in 2 years, and they snuck off to bed to kiss. AITA?  


TL;DR: Ex and housemate kissed in bed at my birthday party, after I was welcoming the ex back into my life after 2 years of hurt. It was a drunk kiss and we were all single adults at the time. When i found out, i got really mad at them, flew off the handle and then demanded an apology in tactless and hurtful way. AITA for being mean to them after they shared a kiss?