Context: I am a Mexican National, met my wife in the states while at university in Pennsylvania. When my student visa was up and I did not have a job lined up, I moved back to Mexico.  She always said that if that happened she would move to Mexico with me while I waited for another visa. I begged her to stay and ensured he that Mexico was not where we wanted to raise our family but she insisted. She decided to move here with me 5 years ago and finished her degree online. During that time we were married and have had two kids here. We have put down some serious roots in Mexico. We both have good jobs and money hasn’t really been an issue for us since we are paid in dollars but spend in pesos. We make occasional trips to the US to visit family but have not been able to move back. We are both pretty set on moving back and my wife says she’s homesick from time to time.  I have not been approved for Residency in the states but can still travel back and forth with a travel visa. Wife finished degree two years ago and works for an American company in Mexico City. I also work for the same company while maintaining a second full time job. 


The issue: My wife recently began to travel to the states more frequently because of her job. She leaves for 7-10 days a month. While she’s gone I have to deliver two kids to school, meet my work requirements, maintain our budget, clean house, etc etc. First couple of months I was excited for her and would do whatever I could to make sure everything was taken care of and she came home to a clean house. It started to bother me when she started visiting Las Vegas and Los Angeles on a monthly basis. I would call at night to talk and she would be out drinking, next morning she would call hungover or would avoid calling so I didn’t notice she was out all night. Now I trust my wife, infidelity isn’t really the issue. My problem is that while she’s away for business, I’ve noticed she’s spending more and more time going out. Her family has a long and dark history of alcoholism and it worries me that while she’s gone drinking is a daily thing. She’s reassured me that it’s not or that she didn’t call in the morning because she was too busy to talk. Now I’m sitting here taking care of everything while she’s out on these regular party trips. The people she travels with are just as bad and do not provide me with any sort of comfort that they are under control. 


Now since she came here for me and left the states willingly. It’s hard for me to say anything to her without her bringing up the move to Mexico and holding it over my head. We were both very young when we married and had kids and she never got to experience night life as she would want to. 

Now I’m definitely jealous that she gets to take all of these trips and leave her responsibilities behind. But I don’t know if that’s the issue, it bothers me more that she seems to enjoy leaving the responsibly of a family behind. She avoids calling the kids because it upsets her so we really only talk at night. She says she staying in but the he next morning you can tell she’s hungover or one of her coworkers spilled the beans on social media.

My question: AITH if I ask her to slow down on the traveling? It’s not really a requirement for her but she goes to ensure that her team is presenting our product properly. I love that she’s so driven and successful but it’s really starting to wear me down. I catch myself taking my frustration out on the kids when that should never happen. 


I apologize for any grammar or formatting mistakes on mobile. 