 My bipolar brother who is heavily dependent on his medication revealed to me tonight that not only has he stopped taking his meds but that he also stopped seeing his therapist as far back as a month ago.  And purposely kept it from everyone.

I LOVE my brother completely. We're four years apart but we've always shared everything. People sometimes confuse us for twins but we just roll with it, and, honestly, love it. We have 

similar interests and love debating most things, especially, "hot topics" like religion and politics.

We both suffer from depression, anxiety and ADHD, however, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was in early high school and, most recently, borderline personality disorder. His manic/depression made it very hard for him to make friends with other kids and opened him up to a lot of bullying; to the point that he had to withdraw from public high school and finish the rest online. I've always supported him and been his number one fan, although, I was quite cruel to him when I was in middle school. I think about this often and regret my every action during this time. I was a hurting kid with no outlet and I, without mercy, rained my suffering down upon him. 

Because I believe that I had a substantially negative role on him growing up, I have since modified my behavior towards him now that I am an adult and not some awful, hormone ruled monster. I try to be everything to him that I had the inability to be to him before: supportive, generous, loving, excepting. He truly is an amazing human being...except when he's not on his meds.

That's when his mania is unleashed. I have been around him all his life so I know when he is manic. It's something in his voice, the way he gestures, the way his face contorts when he thinks no one is looking. He's not my brother anymore. And it's only made worse by alcohol because that's when he starts hallucinating. He starts telling me about how everything he's ever told me is a lie and that he's never cared about me. How he's lied about seeing a therapist and how he's manipulated everyone around him for the sheer joy of doing it. The ways he's used me and taken pleasure in my pain. There have been multiple times where he has made me cry in public or made me remove myself and himself from certain circumstances in public.

It makes me extremely distressed to see my brother go manic so I usually start crying. Literally begging him to calm down and see sense and if he still doesn't listen, I involve my parents as a last ditch effort.

That's when he starts gas-lighting me. Tells my parents that I've just gotten upset at nothing and he doesn't understand why I'm acting so hysterical. That it is unfair and harsh and "weird" that I should be reacting to him in this way.  That I'm "freaking him out" because I expressing remorse over the news he so casually tossed me. Of course he sounds all calm and reasonable while I can't get a word out because I'm so upset that this is happening again.

That's when my parents turn on me and tell me to stop bullying my brother, literally yell at me for the way I'm behaving. He's got anxiety so he's somehow afforded a leniency, dudes, I HAVE ANXIETY TOO! But they always take his side because they haven't seen the physically hostile, manipulative, arrogant, lying person my brother turns into when he's off his meds. 

I'm afraid of him. He showed himself tonight. Saying it was all cool that he had lied about seeing a therapist and taking meds for about a month, but then when I tried to alert my parents to this, he completely diverts the discussion in a way that invalidates what I have to say. I'm the bad guy, apparently. Nobody has seen him at his worst but me. I don't think that I should be shamed for being angry at him for ignoring his regimented medication.

He's on my parents' healthcare, there's no excuse for not seeking treatment. I'm so disappointed. I can't go through this toxic rollercoaster again. Now I'm going to have to face my parents in the morning because my “hysterics” woke them up when he came clean that he wasn't on meds. By the way, he swears up and down that he didn't actively lie, he just didn't communicate what was going on.