 

TL;DR at bottom.

Probably one of many similar posts - I know it's never possible to give full details, but I'll try. My family suffers from a range of mental challenges/conditions/illnesses: ADHD, Aspergers, depression, substance abuse, gender identity, anxiety. Although miraculously none of the uglier symptoms present themselves around friends or guests, they all come out in the wash during family holidays. This year, the parents rented a cottage in the middle of nowhere, so we will all be stuck together with no place to go.

This Thanksgiving has been a foretaste of what I fear will happen come Christmas. In just the last two days, I've been through enough mental illness crap to make me not want to come for Christmas. One sister had a two-hour violent meltdown over playing MineCraft (she's 11) that resulted in my father having to restrain her about six times. The other has ignored the houseguest from Japan she brought home from college (who, unfortunately, has had to witness all this going on), and freaked out during a board game: there was some confusion over a move that did not involve her: my family tends to get loud and talk over each other and that triggered her anxiety which resulted in her throwing a fit and her game pieces and storming out of the house. Just today I was yelled at for 'always looking for an argument': my mother announced her intention to shut off the internet for several hours to install a new router and I observed that I (and the Japanese exchange student) were working on online classwork. I'm typing this expecting the internet to shut off at any moment - I retreated to a closed room to avoid further conflict over the issue.

I have tried to adopt the perspective that my role is to be a peacemaker as much as possible (e.g, acquiescing to simple demands, being a kind host to this poor Japanese girl and just talking to her). However, this Thanksgiving has made me feel that I am horrible in that role. I will admit that their behavior does not always bring out the best in me - I do not take well to my sister hitting and kicking my parents or the dog, for example. I am fully aware that some of this behavior is beyond my family's control; however, it is frustrating to see it under control around friends/guests, but receive the full brunt of it over political discussions, or even stupid things like games. Part of the reason I'm considering cancelling my Christmas ticket is so I won't end up becoming one of several assholes over Christmas.

I fully anticipate that between the various diagnoses and differences on politics and religion that there will be several shitshows come Christmas. However, this holiday is the one time of year my entire family gets together. We will also have a bit of extended family joining us, too. If I don't show, it will be noticed and talked about, and break my parents' and grandparents' hearts. I've also had to pay nearly $1000 for Christmas travel, which I will only get about $600 back in the form of travel vouchers if I cancel. I have no idea what the alternative would be, as I don't have another family to 'adopt' me for the holidays (e.g., SO).

TL;DR: WIBTA for skipping family Christmas to avoid conflict aggravated by mental illness, knowing that it will hurt my family deeply if I don't come?