Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : I guess the title should really say "are we the assholes" since my wife made the decision with me.

My stepson has been a part of my life for the last 6 years, since he was 13. From a young age, he was resentful that my wife couldn't provide for him what he saw other children had. My wife busted her ass to keep him fed and housed and often went without food herself. She is a cosmetologist, so even when she went without food or sleep, she was always well groomed (important for later). Her ex is a total dead beat, in and out of his kid's life for years until he just up and left for good, and he never paid a cent to child support, but he would bring big gifts when he visited, like laptops and going systems, which my wife could never afford on her own.

Anyway, after my wife and I got married, her and my stepson's lives obviously improved because 2 salaries are better than 1. My stepson finally got some of the things he'd never had, but instead of being grateful, it made him more resentful that he hadn't gotten these things sooner. We have sent him to multiple therapists for years, but it hasn't helped the extreme resentment he feels for my wife. It makes me so sad to witness, because she really did everything she reasonably could for him. 

He's in college now but still lives with us and we have been fully funding him (aside from a part time student job) in an attempt to give him the best possible shot at excelling at school. We also have a three year old daughter.

We have been planning a family trip to Disney and I texted my stepson to ask him when he would be available to come with us. He texted back that there was no way he was coming. I was pretty shocked and just told him we'd discuss it when we got home.

My wife and I went to ask him why he didn't want to come, and he exploded at us. He called my wife a bitch and a whore for sleeping with a deadbeat and raising him with nothing when she clearly was spending all the money on herself, because she always had her hair done, etc. He called our daughter her "do over child" and said that she didn't deserve to go on nice trips and have nice toys when my wife never did that for him. He just went on and on, raging at my wife. 

Of course, we knew there had been resentment there for years, but previously he hadn't expressed it outright, or only did so in snarky comments. This was the first time he had unleashed it so directly and rudely. My wife cried for hours, and I was pissed as hell. So we decided he had to go. I gave him 30 days to get a better paying job and move out of our house. If he wants to come on trips for any reason, he'll have to pay his own way. No more cooking for him, buying the necessities, or paying for school. He gets nothing.

Now that it's been a few days, I think we're both feeling a little guilty and wondering if we were too harsh, since he is so young. But at the same time, I wonder if 19 is too old to be acting this way, since he is an adult. AWTA?