Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : Sorry if the format’s weird for y’all desktop guys, this is on mobile.

So, when I was in the Philippines, my parents had a big, official Catholic wedding planned in Mindanao,  (the largest island in the south, right on the equator.) But, since due the military’s ban from going there due to the “rampant gang warfare,” and since my father’s part of the military, he got reprimanded and was forced to go back or else he’ll be labeled a deserter (another reason I hate the American government.) 

As you can guess, my mom was devastated, crying day and night for three days, saying that if she could, she would enroll my siblings and I into a Philippine school until she felt better, just purely destroyed. Thankfully she recovered quickly. Six months after, my mom starts planning her birthday party as if it was her wedding. Party gifts, huge amount of people, a priest, everything.

Now, this is where the hair thing comes in, I, as a guy, has long hair, little past shoulder length, I’m short, 5’3 , and obese to say the least, bmi 31. I have self-esteem issues I don’t talk about, me feeling like I have no control over anything, meaning I’m stuck with this worthless body that I absolutely despise. But my hair, is one of things feel in control with. So, I keep it long because I like it that way. I brush it sometimes and I overall that care of it, but my mom hates it. 

Always saying that it’s dirty basically whenever we go anywhere. Or even just sitting at home watching a movie. I adamantly refuse to use hair ties in my mind because I feels like I’m losing one of the only things I can control in my life. I feel like I look more gross with one than without it. I never that though because I don’t like feeling like a burden, but with the hair tie I feel absolutely awful.

Whenever my mom yells at me about, I’m not sure if she means to imply this but, it feels like she’s implying that I’m a disappointment, she seems to believe in the long hair = gay of her childhood and I guess she doesn’t want that for me. I feel like I’m the least loved because of my long hair and mediocre grades. I just, don’t know what to do, suck it up for the entire party for her sake or just let myself feel good for her party. 

Now, besides all of the negatives, my mom is the best women I’ve ever known. She’s always there for me no matter what and isn’t afraid of anything. I feel so selfish just writing this, but, I just want to know, am I the asshole? Sorry if this is too long for y’all’s taste. I’m not asking advice, just judge me oh great gods of reddit. 

Summary, my mom’s been devastated after canceling her huge wedding my parents have been planning for years and starts planning her birthday as a faux wedding. My mom wants me to tie my hair but I don’t want to due to self esteem issues. Am I the asshole?