My mom picked my daughter up (less than a year old) after a visit with her dad. She said DD smelled like smoke and that she has never smelled like smoke after picking her up from his house or with me. He and I both smoke. I only smoke outside, with the door shut -even before daughter- and he smokes in his apartment. I suspect he typically doesnt smoke in his apartment for the few hours that she is with him because she has never smelled like smoke before, even to my nonsmoker mom. So that leads me to believe he smoked inside this last visit.

I 100% do not believe I have any right to ask him not to stop smoking completely in his own apartment. The only exception being when DD is there. We all know cigarettes are toxic AF (and I really shouldnt be smoking at all), especially for developing children. My stance is that its lazy and selfish as hell not to go outside. I did not say that to him, nor insinuate it.

I explained that shed never smelled like smoke before and for DD's health, please dont smoke inside while shes with him. I dont want her developing breathing issues because of his (and my) choices. She does not have a choice so we shouldn't be making choices for her that harm her. 

His response : he smoked a lot the night before but didnt while she was there and didnt really say either way if hed be sure to go outside to smoke while DD is there.

I didnt say this to him, but I dont really believe him. Hes smoked a lot the night before (evidence on the table) I've dropped her off with a different outcome.

So here's the actual WIBTA question. He has not made any effort to get his car fixed (hed much rather be chauffeured around) and I usually take DD for visits, with my mom doing pickup if I have to work and ex's parents occassionally helping. 

WIBTA if I stopped driving her over there if DD continues to come home smelling like smoke? If he makes other arrangements for p/u and d/o, I likely wouldn't keep her from him, but its doubtful hed do that.


We do not have an official custody in place, so he gets her when he can, but usually *only* when its convenient (which sometimes leads to weeks between visits, it's gotten a little better though). He pays a small amount in child support, usually late. Other than that and the short visits, doesnt do anything to contribute to DD's care. He makes very few sacrifices for DD (I'd say none, with the exception of small CS), the least he can do is take it outside when shes with him for a couple of hours.  I drive her to support the father daughter relationship, but don't want to if hes going to smoke inside. 


TL;DR : cigarettes are bad and dad wants to smoke inside for the few hours he has our &lt;1 year old. I'm considering not driving her for the visits if he doesnt take it outside.

