Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : Let me preface this by saying - I am struggling with what my own feelings are about this situation, and maybe this actually belongs on relationship advice but because i think think it's entirely possible that i'm being a selfish asshole in this situation (and in the brief arguments i've had with my DH about it, its pretty clear he thinks i am) - thought it might belong here.

Backstory: DH and I have been together for 7 years, married for 1 (we are in our early 30s). we live in a large city and his family (consisting of sil, nephew 1, mil, nephew 2 and niece) live about 35 minutes away by car, an hour by public transportation. Until a few years ago, my would be fil also lived in the area but he passed away about 3 years ago after a rapidly degenerating illness, during which time my husband, sil and myself were his primary caregivers (we didn't live with him, but managed his finances, filing the paperwork to get his care, moved him, and generally tended to him as he was no longer able to make decisions for himself in addition to being financially responsible for his care ). I should also mention that my DH is the youngest of 3 - there is another brother who is an addict who fathered nephew 2 and niece and then had them taken away by the state ( and are now adopted by mil).

For financial reasons, my mil,sil and nieces/nephews all live in the same house and are basically raising the three kids together. My sil's ex is in the picture with her son but he's an ex drug addict and not considered to be a particularly strong father figure - that coupled with the other bil being a druggie who is god knows where, means my DH is pretty much the only stable male adult in my mil/sil and niece/nephew's life. Because of this, both my mil and sil treat my husband as what feels to be to be their surrogate husband/father - leaning on him heavily for financial and emotional resources for themselves and their kids.

The part where I might be the asshole is that I resent them and it probably shows - I know my husband wished i "spent more time" with his family and we've gotten into huge arguments because i see myself as being the the one who who has put effort into connecting with them only to feel that from the minute I walk in the door i'm either a dumping ground for their latest drama, or more typically - i'm the entertainment for the kids for a few hours while my SIL either sits on her phone or talks to DH, and oftentimes i feel like i'm almost intruding on my sil's time with her brother (as if i'm third wheeling on date) which leads me to not want to be there, which leads to me being "not interested" in spending time with his family. In 7 years we've been together - i have gone to visit them probably at least 100 times, including multiple weekends in a row for whole weekends and after work when we we go to take care of fil (which went on for about 18 months). My mil has been to see us once, my sil twice. Both times, someone else had to drive them to us and take them home ( a family friend) because they are "scared" of any place outside their town ( they've lived 35 minutes from our city their entire life). When my husband had serious surgery last year neither one came to see him ( despite having the ability and time to do so - it was the summer so sil was off and mil is retired) but instead texted me to "let them know how he was doing" and from there it was business as usual - which to me felt so wrong and selfish of them, but not at all suprising. When either one calls - it's never a call about anything but whatever their current drama is - the sil complaining about mil, vise versa, or mil talking about the drug addict bil's latest exploits which enrages my DH because my mil has ruined her finances by funding his habit and bailing him out of jail, not to mention caring for his children. I can't ever remember a time when either one of them asked him how he's doing or what is going on in his life. My mil only ever seems interested in him when its his bday or he's around being cute with the kids so she can take photos and put them on Facebook. My sil/mil are constantly dropping hints about things the kids need, or they need for the house, because they know there's a good chance dh will buy it for them- for example, my sil wants my dh to come by so they can go to a furniture store to look at new furniture for the niece's bedroom( hint hint), and somehow dh is always the one buying gaming systems, expensive toys, etc for birthdays and holidays. We both make good money and I know it makes him happy to do it - but its money that could be going to saving towards a house or our own family, and it also seems to be to be more of an expectation from them vs a nice thing he does at this point. They also put what feel to be parenting esque responsibilies on him -like doing father/daughter day with the niece. I try to be sympathetic to the difficult situation they find themselves in, but so much of it is entirely of their own making ( idiotic financial decisions, bad relationships, enabling bad behavior) with no end in sight, that I resent them for being such a burden on my DH and by extension myself. I constantly worry that i'm going to wake up one day to a call that mil has passed away ( she has numerous health issues she dosen't do anything for) and that we'll be asked to take on parenting duties for one or both kids, just when we're trying to get our own life together. I also resent my DH for having what feels sometimes like Stockholm syndrome - I know they are his family and he loves them, but i feel like he's in so deep as the "husband and father" of this family that he's semi- checked out of taking our family to the next level.

tl;dr - my in laws treat my husband as their only source of stability in a dysfunctional household without providing anything to him in return (emotionally etc) and i'm worried that they will be a lifelong financial/emotional drain on our relationship. I resent them for it and him as well, and feel like an asshole because my husband is just trying to be a good guy.