I was texting my friend and mentioned something about his girlfriend. He replied they had broken up, but in a joke way. I apologized for not knowing, or else i wouldn’t have brought it up. I got no response so i made a joke, as his breakup response was in a joke way and tried to change the subject. I figured he didn’t want to talk about it, while good friends, he would have never really talked about personal things like that to me. 

I get a response telling me how horrible i am for already knowing about the breakup, pretending not to know, bringing it up purposefully to talk about it and being extremely insensitive. I was shocked. I know his gf quite well and see some of her friends often, so he assumed i already knew, but i didn’t, i didn’t even know when/why they broke up. 

He refused to believe i didn’t know, i tried to explain that i didn’t and i apologized profusely about misreading the situation, as i assumed he didn’t want to talk. I didn’t meant to brush it off, i felt like i was crossing a boundary if i asked about it when he didn’t reply originally. Eventually he said it was fine, but probably still thinks i knew. We talked a few days later, i initiated, but not much substance.

Recently I was at Christmas drinks organized by a friend and his ex was there. I thought nothing of it as there were a quite a few of us there and the couple had a lot of good mutual friends so i was always going to see his ex at some point. Me and the ex-gf very briefly talked about the breakup, basically just agreed we would still be friends as we had actually been friends for longer and a bit unfair to split friendships. 

The next day, my friend berated me for being there, although he knew his ex-gf was going these Christmas drinks it was organized ages in advance. Someone had told him I cancelled plans and went out of my way to be there that night, which was a lie and was not said to him. I tried to explain someone organized drinks with people who happened to be around that time that we don’t see often, as people like his ex-gf were over for Christmas markets, so it was an opportunity to see everyone. But every problem he had and i explained reasonably, he just found another problem/argument, and I’d explain and he’d pick on something else til he had nothing else to argue about. I apologized many times if my actions came across as malicious, but i was just seeing old friends, and his ex-gf happened to be one. 

He would have always been a bit picky towards me and i feel like an escape goat for the pain of his breakup. I know it’s hard, but i feel like he wants someone to be angry at. I said I had a lot of personal shit going on and apologized if i had dealt with it incorrectly, he told me that me having my own issues didn’t help him. I understand i could have handled the breakup news better, but i apologized sincerely. He actually did tell a mutual friend he thought he was too harsh on me after accusing me of knowing about the breakup, but never apologized to me, and instead got mad at me because I had already told that friend about it as i was upset about the situation. 

Have i been an asshole? 