Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : TLDR at the bottom

Context:
 been together approx 2 years. VERY stable and healthy relationship (imagine at worst a cold shoulder followed by hugs in a few hours, never any “fights” only discussions). Both in our mid-20s. My parents left on a trip for the first time since i was born. He is one of the main caretakers of his grandpa who had an accident about a month ago. We had been discussing me spending a night with him for a couple of weeks but we never set a date. We decided today with my parents being gone and him not working in the morning (very unusual) that I’d spend the night after a taco dinner at his house. At 7pm I had a dinner/galentines. I said I wouldn’t be eating because he and I planned to eat together afterwards. His barber also rescheduled and he had to be there at 7:30 am tomorrow, but this was new info since he was supposed to have that haircut today after work. 




The situation:

After work I HAD to drop off packages at the post office but I got there at 5:55 and they chose to close early today. Of course they did. The post is about 10-15 minutes from my house but I ended up spending a nearly hour drive back to my house to get ready for galentines because traffic was terrible. I arrived, got ready, and headed out again close to 7pm. I drove 20 miles to the late night post office, but that took about another hour of traffic. 

At around 8pm I called him anxious and stressed because I was so late and still had to pick up chips before arriving. He was supportive, gave me advice that worked to calm me down, and we talked about me going over later and how great it would be to snuggle all night (we essentially lived together our first year but I moved back in with my parents after uni) 

We hung up around 8:40ish when I arrived. None of our plans had changed. I didn’t eat dinner, but I stayed for gift exchanges and to play one game. Our texts went like this: 


*less than an hour after I arrived*
Him (H): I have to be up early to go to the Berber shop. Oh that’s fun! Don’t worry if you can’t come over babe enjoy your night It’s nice that you are having girl time. We can see each other tomorrow 

Me (M): Can I call (sibling) after to see if he's home so I can go sleep with you? 

H: If you want to baby but I don’t want you to be rushing around for no reason 

M: No but it isn't rushing :) I wanted to see you so much. I'll head over when this game is done? 

H: Don’t you want to spend more time with them? Don’t call it early if you don’t have to 

M: I want to go with you... 

*about 2 hours after I arrived*
H: How are you?? *insert really sweet cheesy memory from when we first started dating*

Me: awww bae. I’m about to go over.



OBVIOUSLY hindsight is 20/20 and I didn’t notice he wasn’t just being nice and making sure I didn’t leave a fun event if I didn’t have to, he was lowkey hinting that it was too late for me to go over. I genuinely thought he just didn’t want to inconvenience me, but I had no problem going to bed right after getting there and waking up early with him for the haircut. 

He had good intentions, he didn’t outright tell me not to go because he didn’t want me to feel rejected, BUT I DIDNT GET THE HINT AT ALL. So what’d I do?

I left the place with an excuse, called him in the car and he seemed ambiguous about the time and me going over. I was confused but immediately noticed his wishy washiness so I asked again if he wanted me to spend the night. 

He said if I want to.

I said, NO I’m not spending the night unless you’re okay with it, your family is okay with it, and you explicitly want me to go over. If you don’t want me to, just let me know so I can drive to my house (opposite highways.) 

A similar conversation ensued where he kept insisting I could go if I wanted to but he also mentioned the time, how he was going to sleep as soon as his shower was done, what time he had to wake up, etc and all the reasons it was inconvenient. 

I almost begged him to just tell me yes or no because I was driving and I already took the highway to his house. He never gave me a solid answer. I just said I would be going home. 

On the way home, I called my brother and I vented that I was upset because I was hungry (waiting to eat with him), not going to get to spend the night I was looking forward to, and I could have just stayed playing games with friends for longer. 

In the process, I went to (ALMOST TO THE SAME AREA AS THE PARTY I JUST LEFT, about another half hour of traffic from an accident!) pick up food since I was starving.

He called before bed and we talked but I was obviously bothered. When I started saying what bothered me, I definitely spoke purely in an emotional whiny tone, I began to cry, and I said I was so frustrated from the whole situation. I cited not having eaten, him not being clear on whether our plans were cancelled or not, and the general disappointment of not being able to see him. I mentioned how annoyed and sad I was that not only would I not spend the night with him but I could have at least eaten with and stayed around my friends longer. 

He said that it was nearly 11 when I left (he is right) and that he did mention that I should stay with my friends longer if I wanted to. He also said that if I went over I wouldn’t have eaten anyways since he assumed I ate something from how much later things dragged on.

I said I didn’t care about the food though, it’s just a variable. I said that if I got there, didn’t eat, we went to bed and woke up early I would have been perfectly content because all I wanted was to spend time together. Being hungry after NOT seeing him is just worst.

I was very emotional talking about it and I usually don’t get like that. I almost begged him to just tell me not to go over. I said, “I don’t mind if you thought it was too late and didn’t want me to go, just PLEASE tell me. I took the wrong highway, I made an excuse to leave early, I didn’t eat food, I just wish you said you didn’t want me to go from the beginning.” 

I feel crappy because I didn’t make sure he knew that I was aware that he tried to spare my feelings and guide me to what he was implying, but I was just too upset at all the wasted time that I forgot to say it.


After he said those statements, he heard me continue to emotionally cry and vent, he apologized and said he would keep it in mind for the future and try for it to not happen again. He also asked if I’d like him to pick me up in the morning to run errands together and hang out. I agreed. I didn’t even want him to apologize. I was just sad and wanted to see him. 

We ended with sending sweet texts apologizing and saying how much we can’t wait to see each other tomorrow morning. The entire thing from leaving the place to my rant ending was about 30-40 minutes. Then we were fine by the time we got off the phone. 

But i keep thinking about my reactions and I feel like such an asshole. I know he did it to spare my feelings and with good intentions. 

Am I the asshole for reacting that way to him not explicitly saying not go over?

TLDR: sleep overplans with bf got cancelled because it was late but he didn’t tell me explicitly only implied it. I ended up hungry, bored, and lonely so I emotionally cry-bitched at him over the phone even though I knew he had good intentions. Am i the asshole for how I reacted to him beating around the bush?