Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : My wife and I have been together since high school. Due to her brother being 6 years older, he was already out of the home when I came around, living in a different state, so I saw him infrequently. When my wife and I married, we moved to the same state as BIL and started seeing each other much more often.

In the 20+ years I've been with my wife, I've learned a lot about her family, not just from what I've observed, but from what she has shared with me. All in all, they're good people, I love them and consider them family, I'd do for them as I would my own biological family. But they have their quirks, the main one being that they do everything possible to make sure they look "perfect" to all outsiders - quotes because that word gets used perhaps more than any other in their family. Unfortunately, as my wife has so humbly pointed out to me (and her therapist), this means any indication that something is not perfect triggers insecurities that leads to tension, which of course is always the responsibility of the perfection questioner. This goes pretty deep, so for the sake of brevity, I'll cut to the chase.

My BIL and I got to know each other fairly well and, despite some differences, were cool with each other. A few years ago, we decide to do a strenuous all day hike together. The day was great, to the point I felt we'd actually gotten closer. With 2 miles left, we're only an hour from our car, my BIL suddenly says something that catches me completely off guard:

What is it about my family that you hate some much?

I ask him what the fuck he means and he says he knows I think his parents were shit and that I "don't know what the fuck I'm talking about," then tells a few anecdotal stories that were clearly fed to him by his other sister and mom. Then he said:

&gt; Think what you want, my parents were perfect, they couldn't have done any better.

It clicked, and I responded:

&gt; That's the issue, you're all so caught up in looking perfect that you fail to see reality. Believe it or not, all the things you just accused me of came from your sister (my wife), not me. I'm the one who has spent hours reminding her how great you all are and how terrible it would be to cut off communication with you. But no, she's perfect, just like all of you, so this is all on me. I'm used to it, your sister spent the first few years of our marriage blaming me for her insecurities, and thankfully, she had the courage to look inside herself. I love you, I love your parents, and I love my wife... despite all of the imperfections.

The rest of the hike was quiet, then I put on comedy on our 90 minute drive home, which lightened things up a bit. This was a few years ago, and since then, my BIL has kept his distance from me. When I told my wife about the whole incident, she completely sided with me and even said, "Now imagine being raised with that your whole life."

Still, I've waffled between feeling like I did the right thing and feeling like a complete asshole. So, AITA?