Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : So, some context, I [26M] met my now ex-girlfriend [25F] about a year ago. I met most of her friends and even her family before we got together. We became close and started dating a couple of months ago. We of course have been intimate in this time. 

Now, over the course of this past year, the topic of transgenders has come up numerous times in private conversations between just us and conversations with other people. I’m very tolerant of people’s choices so it’s never been an issue. Fast forward to ~2 weeks ago and we are just hanging out at her place when we start talking about our future (nothing new, and mostly a casual conversation until, well). 

We had previously discussed marriage and how many kids we want etc., so when I made a comment about her having my children I was kinda surprised with her response of “well, they’d have to be adopted”. I paused for a second and asked if she is unable to have kids. She got visibly nervous and started choking up a little bit. I started to realize it was a sensitive subject and was ready to comfort her and talk about our options. 

It was difficult for her to get out but the gist was: “No, I can’t have kids. I used to be a man.”

I was speechless. I had so many questions but wasn’t able to get a single one out of my mouth. She could tell by my face that I was in utter disbelief. I just told her I need some time to think about this and went home. 

So I went home and slept on it. I never considered myself transphobic but now I am going back and forth with myself because I didn’t know if it was transphobic for me not to not want to be with her anymore. I came to the conclusion that I was going to break up with her, and that it is my sexual preference. I know she is effectively a female but I can’t see myself getting past the fact that she is not biologically a female. I always wanted my kids to be *my and my wife’s kids*. Not adopted, and not a surrogate. I’m torn because while I wanted this, I was ready to pursue alternative options because I really love her, but now that I found this out I feel totally different about it. 

Two days later she came over for dinner and I was sort of on the fence about breaking up with her (I figured I would do it, but wasn’t sure if that was the time). This being the first time seeing her since I found out, it just felt, different. I knew I had to do it. She got really upset and said she can’t help the way she is. I told her it’s not about her and more about me being unable to move past it. She cried a lot but eventually left, leaving me feeling just absolutely awful. I love her but now I can’t see a future together. I honestly felt a little betrayed to have that secret kept for so long, but also understand why she wouldn’t want to tell me. I’ve been in communication with her and she’s still upset but says she’s not angry because she knows how it can be tough to accept. She insists that over time I will come around, but I just don’t see that happening. Her friends are calling me transphobic, an asshole, inconsiderate, the works. I basically just tune them out because she doesn’t seem to be on the same wavelength as them so it doesn’t matter to me what they think. 

So, am I transphobic? Am I the asshole?