I'm Romanian, English isn't my first language, sorry for mistakes.

I've been having depression since forever. I've tried killing myself 4 times. Once by trying to drown myself, jump off my friends balcony (7th level) and twice by cutting myself. I want to thank my sister for saving me three of those times and helping me with depression while mom couldn't care less and when my sister told her about my depression she said I "can't have depression" because I was young. 

On my first year of college I met the best woman in my life (gonna call her A). A was the sweetest woman I've ever met. A is sweet and caring and she saw the sadness in my soul. After my last year I knew she was the woman I want and that life is worth it for her. I married her at 22 I'm 24 and now we are expecting a baby girl in 2 months.

Now I'm still depressed but I haven't tried killing myself in 7 years and I've stopped cutting myself after college for her, and for her I've done everything.

Now onto what happened 2 days ago.

A wanted to talk to me about going to the doctor and to a therapist to "fix me". I've refused immediately because I didn't want to basically be anesthesized emotionally. I know I'm depressed but sometimes you have to be sad. Life isn't always perfect and I don't want to spend all our savings 2 months before our girl is coming to the world.

So Am I the asshole for wanting to not be anesthesized emotionally?