My friend has been living with her boyfriend for 5+ years, they have dogs and cats and are a cute little family. Well they got engaged, which came as a total surprise to me, as neither of them have ever indicated (around me at least) that marriage was something they ever wanted. They’ve really seemed just happy with where they’re at, and that’s great. When she told me, I was surprised and excited, told her congratulations, ooh’d and aah’d over her ring, etc. That was around Thanksgiving, and she and I were catching up at a White Elephant party when I asked her if they’ve looked at venues or thought of a date. She then told me that they don’t know when they’re getting married, but it’s not really anywhere on the horizon. Like, literally no idea if it’s one year from now or twenty. They’re not waiting on anything, they’re just not too concerned about when they’ll get married.

Now, long engagements are whatever, I understand it can take a long time for things to line up and get everything in order. But to me, if you get “engaged” without even an actual intention of getting married, it means little to nothing and you’re basically just bf/gf with a ring. But OF COURSE I keep this to myself.

Now this doesn’t affect me AT ALL, as she and I are definitely not close enough that I think I would be asked to be in the wedding party or anything, but probably invited to pre-wedding events such as a bridal shower. However some mutual friends started talking about planning said pre-wedding events, and I guess something about my uncertainty about when would be a good time for a shower (soon after engagement vs closer to the wedding once it’s decided) came off as “meh”about their engagement.

Let me state again that at no point have I shown anything but enthusiasm for my friend, but my real feelings about it do actually lie closer to “meh, nothing’s really changed”, so AITA?