I was on a date with my girlfriend and everything was going well. She was thinking about purchasing a fancy LED face mask when the conversation switched too their appliances, specifically Dyson products. I jokingly suggested we switch all our appliances to Dyson products, and that we could even replace the LED face mask with a vacuum you could use on your face. Ridiculous stuff but I was feeling a bit silly. 

My girlfriend instantly froze and got extremely upset. Apparently a proper boyfriend would never dare suggest vacuuming his girlfriends face, and doing so is such an insult it borders on abuse. A couple points before I go further: my girlfriend is from Korea and English is her second language. There are definitely a couple cultural differences I’m (still) working on. 

I care a lot about her wellbeing and would never intentionally hurt her feelings, so I asked what about the comment was so abhorrent. I couldn’t come up with a clear answer as it’s so obviously an insult that even a kid should know not to say that. All her Korean girlfriends would immediately support her on this too, that a boyfriend should NEVER say something like this. It really is something only an asshole would do.

For some additional context, something similar did happen some years ago. I don’t remember the details, but my girlfriend jokingly chastised me for being messy. I jokingly replied back in a “no u”, and said she was dirty. I guess she thought I implied she was some kind of promiscuous girl and was so angry and upset she started crying. I kept a mental note never to joke around in ways that might be interpreted as demeaning her character. 

But this last comment with the vacuum was so ridiculous, and the context so harmless, it hadn’t crossed my mind. And I’m still having a difficult time wrapping my head around how it could be interpreted to be that offensive. 

Hope to see some nuanced answers here to help me understand what’s going on. 