 

Am I the asshole? 

I dated a guy, let’s call him Dave, for about 10 months. Dave and I had a lot of problems. He had an aversion to commitment, so we never put a label on things. He was constantly drunk, unmotivated, and by month 6, we were both extremely unhappy. He was unemployed out of college, and would not apply for any jobs he saw as below him, like waiting tables. It came out that his dad cheated on his mom. There was a lot going on for him and he seemed to cling to the relationship for stability. 

It’s important to note here that Dave and I were friends for 2 years before we dated, and he helped me through quite a bit. So every time I expressed how deeply unhappy I was, he’d beg for two more weeks, insistent that whatever job he’d just applied for would definitely come through and things would get better when he was working, and every time I backed off and agreed to two more weeks. That went on for months before I finally called it off. I developed an attraction to our mutual friend, but out of respect for my quasi-relationship, completely cut contact with said guy as soon as I noticed the attraction. This is important for later.

Come to find out, he lied to me about graduating school. He actually failed out, and that’s why no jobs were working out. I’m still pretty angry about this. He had to have known every time he begged for two more weeks that, if he was refusing to apply to jobs that were “below” him, that he wasn’t going to get a job at all. It was an awful relationship. 

So, remember that friend? Let’s call him Bruce. Bruce and I reconnected after I broke up with Dave. IMPORTANT: 1) I did not meet Bruce THROUGH Dave. I met them independently at the same time about 3 years ago. 2) Bruce and Dave are not particularly close, they were in the same fraternity of 70-some guys, but ran in mostly different circles, with very little overlap. 3) Nothing ever happened between Bruce and I while I was dating Dave, I just noticed I had a crush and stopped talking to or hanging out with Bruce. 

Bruce and I started dating 3 months after my breakup with Dave. I am incredibly happy, it’s a much better fit and a much healthier relationship. However, some of my shared friends with Dave have been quite cruel, and I ran into Dave at a bar a few weeks ago and he yelled at me quite a bit, stuff about violating “girl code” and this that and the other. 

I don’t think I did anything wrong, but I’m on the verge of losing friends over this. AITA? 

&amp;#x200B;

tl;dr: Dating my ex's friend, but I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. Friends aren't happy about it. AITA?