Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : This story needs a lot of context so buckle up. So my parents have been separated since I was a kid and I grew up with my (awesome) single dad.  My mom was (and still is) a crazy narcissist with a bit of redeeming qualities that make her bearable. When my parents were still together she was abusive and living with her sucked.  I know now that she is a survivor of sexual abuse and a generally fucked up childhood so I have worked on understanding and forgiving her but our relationship over the years has been fraught, including a couple of times that I’ve gone NC.

When I was 22 my dad passed away suddenly, leaving no will (or money to his name because disabilities suck). Unfortunately my parents were still legally married so not only can she call herself a widow, but she is also able to collect his Canadian pension (total bullshit since she cheated on my dad and left with the guy on his Harley in the most dramatic way possible 15 years prior).  I guess she was grieving, but when I think about it all I can remember is her basking in the attention of being a widow. She talks about him now and cries. I really don’t know whether she’s just putting on a show or not, but it seems genuine and like I said I’m really trying to love her so I’m taking her at face value.

About a year ago my paternal grandfather passed away and I knew there was going to be some drama about the 6 figure estate so I didn’t tell her. She has implied for years that she “deserves” part of my grandparents estate. This has always made me furious. She already collects my dads pension, its been 8 years since he died so that’s almost 30k in money that she did absolutely nothing for! 

Finally today she asked me out of nowhere whether my grandad was still alive. I didn’t want to lie about it so I told her yes, it was a bit ago and I didn’t want to bring it up. First thing she asked was “Well what happened to the estate?” so I told her it’s gone (truth, it’s settled, she soa) and that I didn’t really want to get into it. She immediately started crying and acting like I just stabbed her in the back or something, telling me she ought to just never call me again, that I must not want her around. I know what she’s doing, but I still feel terrible. I was involved in the divvying of the estate and ended up getting 1/3 of it. She would absolutely lose her shit if she found out what I received. I don’t think she would ever forgive me because I’m guessing she would think I “stole” it from her. I don’t even think any of this stuff with my paternal grandparents is her business at all but she seems to think it is (and that my exclusion of her implies we’re not family). Honestly I just want to have a normal relationship with my mom, but she is making this almost impossible. Did I cross a line by not including her? Am I the asshole?

Tl;dr AITA for not disclosing my paternal granddads death to my mom so she could try and fight for “her share” of their estate? 
