A little background:
I'm mixed race and culture. I grew up in the States, first of my family on one side to be born here, my house while I was a child was the landing point for dozens of immigrating family. Upon finding out I was pregnant, Baby's Father (white American. I love him, he is fantastic) and I didn't know anything else, but decided I would be nanay (mommy-equivalent), and he would be daddy. Easy enough, right? 

The actual problem:
Well, turns out Baby's Father comes from an anti-immigration, staunchly monolingual home (this is AMERICA we talk ENGLISH). They both refused to say "nanay" because it's "too hard" (NAHN-eye. not hard.) when what they mean is "too not-white" and "they can't remember" they've had 3 years now. The Grandmother especially insists on calling me mommy, goes out of her way to do it, and follows up with and eye-rolling "ohhh I forgoooot" when I call her out. It's microaggression and passive-aggressive behavior, obviously not forgetfulness.

These people also love to post and say their opinions about immigrants, stating that immigrants and children of immigrants should be deported citing random made-up numbers and pseudo-statistics to back up their claims. When I've called them out on it, "oh we didn't mean YOUUuuuuu". 

I've taught the miniature creature how to count in multiple languages, he's barely 3 and has at least 1-10 in English, Tagalog, Spanish, and German. They both came around about multiple languages when they learned German was being introduced and very strongly encourage German (especially the grandfather), while giving me the "this is AMERICA" speech about Tagalog and Spanish. It's clearly racism, I have examples for days. I decided they are not allowed to be close enough to him to speak to him. They only get a visual of him if there is supervision, and under NO circumstances are they allowed to talk or touch (no head pats, no hugs), and they are especially not be left alone with Baby because I will not introduce my child to the normalization of hypocrisy or bigotry.

The problem is, though, it's putting a strain on Baby's Father. When there's a family gathering or a birthday, it makes the situation extremely stressful for all of us, but I'm the one who made the decision. He didn't have much room for a say in it, but did agree that his family is toxic to a toddler (note, I would *nev.er* say he can't see or be with his family, just that I would be staying home with Baby when he does). I know I'm not the asshole for seeing this behavior and calling it out, or even not wanting to be around it myself. But, am I the asshole for completely cutting off contact like that, and putting that kind of stress on Baby's Father? 