Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : Alright, so to keep it short, when I was adopted it was from an extremely abusive household, my original mother was a true sadist, and I was her outlet, this is not an excuse, but something to explain why I was that way.

So when we were in high school, we never interacted much, we had a few classes together but that was it. I knew she was gay, as well as me because of her face book ect, I was not open about being gay and hated it, it was a blight I thought at the time at least because I figured i'd never find a girlfriend. At this point in my life I switched from private school to public, my parents are pretty wealthy but it was obvious I was not welcome in private school, I was a bully, through and through, I only ever really messed with other "Bullies".

Anyways the conversation she wants to have is when, I well, (This is not the AITA, I already know I am for this, not sure how this will go for the violence thing) I beat her up in the locker room, Apologized and said I have no clue why I did that.

Fast forward to when we are 19 and 18, I contact her on facebook and say i'm sorry, we talk a lot from there and we end up dating.

She wants to talk about it, but I simply cannot, this was the absolute darkest and most destructive period in my life, I know I am not a good person I know I am "Evil" but I cannot have this conversation, my blood runs cold when she even so much as hints shes gonna bring it up, I cannot even fathom to this day, why I did that, I had no control, I was shaking so hard when I got home from school that day I hurt myself a lot. 

I can't have this conversation, it brings back such dark feelings that I have FOUGHT for many years to suppress and make die, I like to imagine that was me when my (This will be edgy) Darkness was on the outside, and now i've pushed it inward and locked it away, for good. I don't even imagine myself being the same person back then but I know it is not like that, I was and did do that.. I fear nothing in this world, but losing her, or my close family will stop me dead in my tracks, I can barely even think of what to say my mind races so quickly.
