Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : 
Throwaway account, fake names, kind of a long post. If you’re someone I know irl please have integrity and don’t read, thanks

So my (f18) sister (f15) has been out as a lesbian to me and most of her friends/teachers/peers etc. for a little over a year now, but she’s always been afraid to say anything to our mom (f58) because once my mother, while half asleep, turned off Grey’s Anatomy saying that she didn’t want to watch “gross lesbians.” However, we both figured that my mom was just like any other 50+ catholic raised progressive: full of internal prejudice but slowly unlearning old habits and trying to do the right thing. Other than the one Grey’s incident she had always taught us to love and respect everyone no matter what. 

So a few weeks ago my sister texted me while I was at school, saying she was at home with my parents coming out, and that my mom was bawling, saying that “every aspect of hope and joy in her life is now forever tinged with sadness,” asking what she did wrong, why she was being punished, begging to know which of her friends were also gay so she could ban them from the house, that it’s gross, that she was so embarrassed, that she doesn’t support gay rights, doesn’t think they should get married and never has, telling her she has to get over this phase, and forbidding my sister to have sleepovers ever again (I, a straight girl, am allowed to sleepovers with boys as long as it’s a group and i’m not dating them). This lasted several hours. I was shocked and appalled. 

My mother didn’t speak to either one of us for two days, and when she did talk to me she sat me down while my sister was out of the house. We had a long talk (a real talk, no screaming, only mildly raised voices) where both of my parents basically told me that my sister was too young too even know what attraction was, so how could she possibly know she was gay? That they would feel this way if she was dating a boy at this age (I dated a boy sophomore year and they were fine, they also asked me numerous times before this to set her up with my male friends). She said I was too young and too naive, too stuck in my “cliche of teenagers” to understand an adult’s point of view, and too young understand that parents, teachers, employers, and landlords were now looking at her negatively and she (and subsequently, my parents) would struggle for the rest of her life. She said she was so disappointed in my generation, and how we pretended to be gay to be cool without realizing lasting consequences. She said she “supported some gays, but not all of them” so asked her where she drew the line. She said “You can’t trick me, [myname]! I have a brain, ok!” 

I then brought up the things that my sister had told me my mom said when my sister first came out and my mom denied it all, saying that my sister probably felt that way since they were so upset. My mother has a habit of gaslighting that I will get to later. Mom then said that under no circumstances was I allowed to tell my sister that we talked, and asked me to try and be the adult in this situation and understand what it was like for her. I’ve tried but I am really struggling. 

It’s been several weeks and I found out from my sisters friends that my mom additionally called the parents of my sisters friend, bawling and asking them what she did wrong, if they knew, and asking what they thought about it. All of them knew and none of them cared but were forced into very long phone conversation while my mom searched for validation.

My mom and I have always fought a lot, and she never seems to remember the incident. I’ve been called lazy, stupid, arrogant, selfish, bratty, irresponsible, unhealthy, etc. She’s dumped all my clothes on the floor and made me clean it up because I wasn’t wearing the shorts she wanted. She threw a hairbrush at a locked door I was crying behind. She told me I would die of a heart attack in my twenties because I wasn’t taking good enough care of myself.  I wasn’t allowed to cry if I didn’t make a musical since I wasn’t trying hard enough anyways. I am a compulsive liar if I bring this up to her or anyone, so I am not allowed to. She and I don’t have a good relationship, whether it’s teenage angst or not. I know this, so I am trying to be unbiased when it comes to this situation with my sister. Am I the asshole for not giving her more time to process?