Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST :   

This is my first time posting here, so I apologize for anything that’s wrong. 

I’m sorry this is so long, I’ll place a tl;dr at the end

In year 12 I was apart of a friendship group that was made up of 12 girls. (Haha 12 girls for year 12). We weren’t all that close as we friendship groups that kind of joined together after a lot of people left my high school. In that group, I had 2 girls who I considered my best friends since we were good friends since year 7. At the beginning of year 12 we all got along swimmingly but as we got into the exam period it got more and tenser and a lot of people’s true colors showed up (mine included).

So, it all started with a girl I’ll call TL. She was quite pretty and had long gorgeous hair. It was her pride and joy. Me and TL had a weird history of being friends and not being friends. We never quite clicked (despite the both of us going to the same primary school together) and it was the case of when we good we were very, very good and when we were bad we were horrid. And in year 12 we were horrid.

I’m not quite sure what had gotten me so heated with TL that day, but we were throwing underhand jabs at each other in legal studies which carried out into recess. At one-point, TL stated that she wanted to be a model, specifically a hair shampoo model which I had bluntly replied: “Don’t you have to be pretty to be a shampoo model?” (I know, that was unnecessary and cruel but I was angry and I saw an opening and took it). A few girls giggled and I threw her a superficial apology and forgot all about it. 

TL did not. My offhanded jab at her lead her to create a separate messenger group which was dedicated to her listing all my flaws such as that I was fat, my hair was too thin, my skirt was too short, and that people liked me so I could give them notes for the classes I was in (ouch but true). This side messenger group included my two best friends as well. They created events which they didn’t invite me to, and only told me after it was over with excuses like ‘oh we didn’t think you’ll like it.’ I’m sure TL had great pleasure in seeing me attempt to cover up my frustrations about being left out but I never really said much about it. After a few of these exclusions, I spent a lot of time in the library, studying or chatting with the librarians who took me under their wing and helped me find textbooks for my classes. 

By the end of term 3 and with HSC looming overhead I thought TL had forgotten the whole ordeal but, alas, she had not. She created formal get together for the girls to buy dresses and hired a limo for the girls to go in for formal. All these small things hurt but it didn’t really hurt as my two best friends going along with it and then later pulling me aside one day and unloading everything on me all at once. They showed me screenshots of the secret group chat and the circle jerks of TL and her close friends talking about me. It was a cold and hard reality check. 

So high school comes and goes, and I get into the university of my dreams and I make a wonderful new group of friends. As time passed, I look back critically at my high school experience and realize I am not faultless (with my mouth I definitely unconsciously ruffled a few feathers)  in my exclusion from the group but my best friends, as well as the other girls who were neutral, were not faultless either. 

I unfriended everyone in that group including my best friends and put my best foot forward. And for a time, I was content with my decision. But then one day a girl who I’ll call FH, used to go to my old high school and I befriended bought up my ex-friends. She told me they told her that they were hurt by my sudden decision to cut them off and that they believed I was taking out my inability to get over high school drama out on them. I told her that I wanted a fresh start. My ex best friends and the other girls were still friends with TL. They still went on outings and had meet-ups with her and her friends. I didn’t want anything to do with that anymore. This back and forth went on for a while before FH told me that all my friends thought I was a bitch who couldn’t get over some petty high school drama. To tell you guys the truth, this drama really fucked me up. I went to therapy for some time and even now with my close uni friends, I struggle to trust everything they say to face value. I’m just waiting for the bomb to drop that they never like me and they befriended me because they felt sorry for me.

I was content with my decision to cut them off before but now I’m not sure. I feel like I should have said something or done something else.

TL;DR I cut off old high school friends who are still friends with a group of girls who excluded me and talked behind my back for a year.

Am I the asshole? Because I’m beginning to feel like one. 