So I'm married with a couple of step-kids that live with their mom and I. The older kid is doing great, but the younger (14) has gotten involved in some pretty bad things in the past year, including some illegal activity, as well as self-harm including cutting. Additionally, on two different occasions last year, including as recently as November, she purposely overdosed on medication but (thank heavens) regretted it afterwards and let us know so we could get her to the hospital. We now keep all blades and medications locked up and out of reach. We have of course been getting her the best help we can afford for her, including solid counseling and psychiatry evaluation. Her psychiatrist believe that she is likely bi-polar.

After the second attempt, I noticed the patterns that start to emerge from her when she's likely to cause harm to herself. She exhibits heavy depression, wears extra layers of makeup (and much darker makeup as well), refuses to talk about what's bothering her when asked, usually denying that anything's wrong, pushes everyone away, and attempts to withdraw into the bathroom or her bedroom for a long period of time. This also seems to occur more often around times that should be celebrated, like holidays and family birthdays. So, twice since November I've noticed things getting dark and heavy with her, and decided to go on suicide watch. I'm probably not the most skilled at this, I've never had previous exposure with suicidal people or had any training or anything of the sort. Also, there seem to be a lack of information online of what to do in these situations (other than the stuff we're already doing). So as far as I can tell, I should make sure that I or someone else should be able to see her at all times, including if she's in her room, the bathroom, etc. I know we've done our best to limit her access to self-harm tools, but I believe she's also smart enough to hide some stashes of things throughout our (unfortunately) cluttered house so she can self-harm if she wants. So when I've gone on suicide watch these two times, I allow her to still go anywhere she wants. I do make sure that I or some other family member (especially if she's going to the bathroom) has an eye on her at all times. This makes my step-daughter angry to no end, yelling, screaming about how she has no privacy.

Last night was the second time and was particularly bad. She was trying very hard to lock herself off in her room. I started by trying to encourage her to come out and be with the family, letting her know we really wanted her company. She insisted that she was going to do laundry in her room. I told her that's fine, but I would need to be in there with her. She freaked out and kept trying to argue with me about it. She asked if her aunt (who was over at the time) could watch her instead, and I told her that's fine, but I would need to speak with the aunt first to give her some instructions (such as make sure you keep an eye on her even if she's in the bathroom, etc). Step-daughter would not go for this, freaked out more.

Wife came downstairs and tried to help. She tried to negotiate with step-daughter, saying she could just leave the door halfway open and that would be good enough and we would be down the hall and come check on her from time to time. Step-daughter would not budge insisting that she had every right to have her door fully closed and be all alone. I didn't agree with my wife on this because I feel like she only needs a few moments to find a tool and do self harm, but I kept quiet and let her try. Step-daughter wouldn't agree to any of wife's terms anyways.

Eventually I stepped in front of her bedroom door so she couldn't attempt to shut it on me and lock us out, and then she ran out of her room bawling and up the stairs. I tried following behind her and my wife grabbed my hand and told me "don't". I yanked my hand away and I followed step-daughter up the stairs. Step-daughter got to the top of the stairs, turned around and bolted back downstairs to her room, with me following all the way. She slammed the bedroom door shut but I got it open before she could lock it and held it open. She then started hitting me with her fists while bawling. At this point my wife grabbed her and held her and her aunt stepped in to help provide some comfort, and I left.

I'm trying to do the right thing here. I want to be safe and am not interested in violating her privacy or restricting her in any way other than when she's most vulnerable to self-harm. But my other step-daughter, mother-in-law, and wife all had some negative feedback for me. Mother-in-law and other step-daughter say I was scary chasing after step-daughter the way I did. Wife believes step-daughter should have been allowed to run up the stairs alone and been given some room to grieve in complete privacy. I disagree because I believe she would have locked herself in the upstairs bathroom or another room and potentially found a way to hurt or kill herself in there. I suspect wife thinks that my suicide watch is overly controlling and is in fact having the wrong effect, in other words that I'm driving her to more likely self-harm. I don't know if she's right or not.

I feel like I'm in crazy town. I feel like I'm the only one on board with doing what's necessary to keep her safe when she's at the low end of her cycle. If I'm the asshole, or even if I'm not, I want to know what I can do better because I very much do want my step-daughter to be safe. Would definitely love to hear from some professionals or other people experienced with these sort of situations.

So tell me, Reddit. Am I the asshole?