Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : I'm 21m, he's 22.  We have never gotten along.  I don't have much respect for him.  Our father passed away when I was 10 and he left a lot of the adult stuff to me growing up, like taking care of our mother, handling the house, etc.  Inside I really hold a lot of that against him, some of the stuff I had to deal with with our mother still messes me up to this day.  I can't remember a time when I've been happy to see him.  He lives with my mother at home and I am constantly getting messages about how angry he always is and how he yells at her.  He has only gotten physical with her once that I can remember (he pushed her when he was 14).  Although it's only yelling it's over the dumbest stuff, like how she doesn't remember to turn off the lights or something.  Things that don't deserve yelling.  As children we were always fighting and as a teenager I learned not to talk to him, we'd go days without talking.  It was just simpler.

When I first graduated and left home I felt like the space helped.  I felt sad that we didn't have a brotherly relationship, I can't remember a time when I ever looked up to him as a big brother.  As soon as I would return home I would remember why I didn't like him though, and now I feel like I can't see him without it bringing back all the memories of how he hurt me, embarrassed me, and used me when I still lived at home.

I was much bigger and performed much better in school which is what my family assumes led to his treatment of me.

Nothing that he has done to me has been illegal or particularly terrible, nothing that by itself would be horrible.  It's just the years of negative experiences have added up and I can't stand his presence.  As I write this I'm trying to remember the last genuinely nice thing he did for me and I can't.

Recently he's been trying to contact me more, whereas before he would never talk to me, I feel as if his girlfriend is trying to repair our relationship.  They've only been dating a year and I have only talked to her twice.  My sister (13 years older, different mother, not very connected to our family) tried to talk to me about it at a recent family reunion.  He himself hasn't changed in person however, it's still the same shit at home.

This isn't really a large social issue like most in this subreddit.  I want to be clear right now that I am not interested in being close to him, this is what he wants.  I feel like it's such a wast me to have know someone your entire life but not be close to them.  Am I being an asshole (to myself or to him) by not trying to repair this?