TL;DR at bottom..

**Backstory**: s/o drank heavily for all of their 20s (10+ years), and from my perspective the drinking took a steep nose dive after the loss of 3 grandparents and their best friend in a short amount of time. In talking with my therapist, the drinking may have been the solution for their problems (not having other/better/healthy coping mechanisms) S/O, tangential to these coping problems, doesn't like to discuss difficult things* and has a history of lying to avoid hard topics (*this might be a "learned" trait from family? I'll touch on this later). An example of this is lying about having something "bad" happen to cover bad behavior (historically, s/o would lie about a health condition or the health of a family member to avoid conflict with me). Please note these lies have ceased since The Event. In hindsight, I was not fully aware of the extent of the drinking or lying, and I admit that some of the things I was aware of I chose not to argue about (noticed hard liquor was disappearing quicker than it should have been, etc.)

**The Event**: long story short; s/o suffered from a major seizure due to alcohol withdrawals. Seizure lead to 2 dislocated shoulders, 2 broken humerus bones, 3 shoulder surgeries, 13 days admitted to the hospital (4 days on respirator, ~8 days in ICU), a slurry of medications to help them literally survive the withdrawal, acute pancreatitis, acute liver damage... Thankfully, s/o has amazing insurance, is fully recovered from the physical impacts of The Event, and has been sober for 13+ months. *Over the course of The Event, s/o's family struggled to talk openly about the issues at hand (did not want to tell extended family/friends the truth), and did not have a great sense of the magnitude of the situation (respirators, ICU, and talks of removing part of pancreas are BAD imo). I was left to follow up with hospital staff on imaging, labs, asking hard questions, etc. I've been diagnosed with acute PTSD from The Event and have been meeting with a therapist to work through the nightmares and anxiety hospitals still cause me (not great, considering I work in the healthcare industry). 

**The Ultimatum**: after The Event s/o moved in with their parents for ~5 weeks to heal/help with post-op recovery, before moving back to the city we live together (I travel for work and would not have been able to to provide the care/assistance s/o needed post-op). Before s/o moved home, we discussed the 2 items I needed to agree to renew our lease together this past summer... No more drinking, and that s/o would seek therapy; either through our health insurance or through AA.

**The interim**: s/o has been sober, but hasn't taken action to seek therapy. S/O went to AA a few times, but it wasn't their cup of tea (fine with me). S/O saw one therapist via health insurance and didn't "like the therapist" (also fine with me). I have, on 4-5 occasions, brought up that I wish s/o would seek counseling so s/o can (most importantly) find peace with The Event, (second most importantly) discuss/develop coping skills to help in the future so s/o doesn't self medicate again, and (third most importantly) take some of the burden off of me, as their friends/family don't broach the subject as often as I do to "check in". From my perspective, I worry that my s/o hasn't really "gone through" the grief, etc. that lead to self medication, and I worry that my s/o would land themself in the same/worse spot if s/o doesn't learn new skills. S/O thinks I am being unfair, because "just because [I] have liked therapy, doesn't mean it's the right thing for [s/o]". 

**Worth noting (I think)**: I am so SO proud of how far my s/o has come. I make a point to celebrate/discuss progress each month on the anniversary of The Event and have encouraged s/o to be proud of the path they've taken... I make efforts to check in on s/o "how are you doing?" And s/o is admittedly resistant to discussing The Event and their progress because they are ashamed of the whole situation. It makes me sad for my s/o, because as I tell them, you can't change what Happened but you can be proud of how you reacted.. also worth noting, my family and friends are fully aware of the entire situation, and agree that my s/o and I have a healthy, strong, relationship/support the relationship. 

**The asshole?**: Am I micromanaging my s/o too hard? We've been discussing marriage/buying a house/moving/etc. quite often recently and I keep mentally coming back to The Ultimatum that has been avoided. Because I want my s/o to find peace? Because I need it to find peace? Because I want to see s/o set up for success no matter what? *Yes* *yes* and *yes*.

**TL;DR; s/o is a recovering alcoholic, and doing a great job (13+ months, yay!) But s/o continually pushes back my requests to seek formal therapy/outlet. Am I the asshole for continuing to push s/o to therapy, even though s/o is rocking sobriety?**