Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : Been with my husband for over a decade, we met as teenagers and grew up together. I've always dressed and presented fairly androgynous. At various points in my life i'd play up my femme side more and my masc side more. usually i just dress in jeans and a tshirt. femininity always felt performative and a bit uncomfortable to me, but i did occasionally enjoy it. *we did not meet or fall in love during one of my high femme phases so that's not what's up*

He's made lots of shitty comments over the years about my dress. I've mostly brushed it off as him being oblivious but wanting to be good; he would want someone to tell him if he looked weird. The thing is though he makes these comments over normal, fashionable-ish outfits (i'm not gonna be doing any shoots anytime soon but i'm not a slob). He's called me boy, man, dude. Not like in the colloquial like "sup boys, let's do this" but "whatever, *boy*" if we're arguing and i happen to not be wearing a dress.

i've told him before to cut it out, that it hurts my feelings and i dont appreciate it and that it's not funny when he calls me dude boy and man "jokingly". he stops for a bit and starts again in a couple weeks. we had a huge fight about it recently where i asked him to just leave me alone about my clothes, that all i did was put on a flannel over a hoodie because it is fucking cold. he said his preferences are important and need to be considered. i said my happiness as a human being needs to be considered and he doesnt get to control how i dress all the time and that he's been a bit of a bully. he insists we need to compromise. i dont think i should compromise who i am as a person to be a prettier thing for him to look at. I want to stress, again, that i have always been this way and that my dressing this way is not some new thing. he's picked at it over the years but in the last couple years he's gotten REALLY weird about it. during the discussion he said he was afraid of me getting my mental health in order because when i do i start having problems with things. i really dont know if im being delusional here. i feel like he's trying to be controlling, and yes since i started getting help for my depression i've spoken up when i'm bothered (im not a shithead cancelling all our friends or something, but if someone is rude to me i wont smile and simper anymore, ill tell them to not treat me that way)\

**tl;dr** husband increasingly critical of my appearance, came to a head and he says i need to compromise and dress how he wants more. i think it's shitty to try to make me compromise my sense of self (i am not a super feminine person) to fit someone else's aesthetic preference