Get ready for a therapy session, cause here we go:

My mom has had alcohol addiction problems almost my entire life. Growing up I had almost no friends and so she was my deepest confidant. Then I got old enough (mid to late high school) and realized that she had been drunk essentially my entire childhood. She had been under the influence driving me for hundreds of miles to campgrounds (one time on a cliff, it's the only time I knew what was happening during tho), under the influence when I cried on her shoulder, under the influence when I wanted advice.

My dad thought tough love would work and that's how he handled it once I (the youngest of the kids) was aware of it. She's gone to rehab, halfway houses, 12step, all if it. My dad went into crippling debt to help her and despite that he kept us afloat. My childhood memories have shifted from my mother being my best friend to my father being a man who worked non-stop despite problems to give us the best life possible. I cherish him for this.

My mother and I have had a strained relationship since I left highschool. She's tried to guilt, pressure, and bribe me to include her in my life. Knowing how deep seeded my distrust of our relationship is, I get angry easily and now that my dad is in his 70s, I get enraged that she manipulates him. He's basically given up on helping her and now just tries to hide it. 

My husband and I made an offer in hopes of repairing this relationship. They come buy property here where 100% of his family is (*my* family too, in laws or not) and we would live on the property in a separate house and help them as they are no longer capable of being 100% independent. In return they would be near their incoming grandchild and try to have that bond restored. I'm from here, so it was really just asking them to come home. 

They eagerly accepted, bought acreage with two houses and began moving. My husband and I agreed to move into to our house early (serious repairs required) so that they could have our rent as the mortgage was at the top of what they could afford. 

We have since realized we are getting the short end of this. I expected most of it, but a few things bother me. My father, once calming and logical and doting, has turned to blame me for everything my mother does. She was required to stop drinking or not see the baby, end of story, and she agreed to it beforehand. She has not, and my father blames me and my trust issues as the reason she hasn't stopped. He is aggressive and hurtful in ways he never was before. 

I will not deny that I am firm, blunt, and have no patience for her gerrymandering. I see it for what it is and don't let her manipulate me like she does my older sister.

Now that I am very much pregnant, the pressures and blame they have placed on me have become overwhelming and I'm starting to sleep all day on my days off, etc. I know that I have the power to change myself and so does my mother. So when she tries to blame me, I hold firm. Yet I still don't have reliable water, a shower, washer and dryer, or even fucking floors in parts of my house. I am five months pregnant. I am grumpy and upset and tired of her bullshit. The physical issues our house only add to it. 

I can't help but see my mother as useless, having never worked consistently and blaming my dad for everything while being jealous and wanting anything anyone has for herself. I have worked since I was 14 and been independent since the day I left highschool. I'm not perfect, but I have never let myself fall on others to save me because I see it in my mother and despise it.

This is not what we signed up for.

I would like to think you'll say I'm NTA, but sometimes even my husband says I'm making things harder. That's surprises me because he's been so supportive this whole time. Yet he has told me on several occasions that I am a terrifying when I'm mad and I'm *always* mad at my mom. But he thinks her behavior is wrong too.

I don't expect to change my mother's behavior, but I intend to change mine if I must. So please tell me, AITA?