Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : Gh
My Chinese girlfriend is upset that I only want to spend 2 days with her family during Chinese New Year (CNY). I don’t want to go because her family does not speak English well and I do not speak Mandarin. I have spent two CNYs with her family before and both times I spent the vast majority of the week feeling incredibly bored. 

I feel guilty but at the same time I really, really do not want to spend an entire agonisingly tedious week with her family. I can deal with it for a few days. But after a couple of days have exhausted all my foreigner repertoire (yes I am not very tall but neither are you hahaha...) I am stuck with a fixed smile and resisting the urge to use my phone. It gets to the point where I am doing unworthy childish stuff like sneaking off during lunches or extended family hangouts.

I have tried to get involved but I just can’t seem to get past the language barrier. I leap on any opportunity to play cards or things like that. Anything where I can have fun and try to connect with her family. But that still leaves like 10 meals with an hour or two either side of them for me to endure. Last time I tried drinking well beyond my usual 2 beer limit to see if that helped, but I just got fucked up on rice wine and felt paranoid about embarrassing her by throwing up or stumbling around. Maybe this time I’ll try a few puffs of weed before going. 

Basically I don’t want to go because I can’t communicate with anyone. It’s like going to a party where you don’t know anyone and also they all speak Mandarin, and then that party lasts a week. Things would be different if I knew Mandarin and I feel bad for not being even remotely fluent, especially since my girlfriend speaks perfect English.

Her view is that I’m part of her family so I should be there the whole time. She told me, after I suggested that I only stay for a few days, that she feels like she lives in two different worlds, one with her family and the other with me. It bothers her especially since she only sees her extended family a few times a year. 

She cried a lot when we were discussing this but didn’t really address my boredom. I told her that I get bored purely because of the communication barrier. I think she thinks it’s cultural instead which I don’t really get. I honestly enjoy the atmosphere around CNY and don’t find the get-togethers particularly different to Christmas time in my home country. I don’t think I’m making huge cultural faux pas or anything as she’s never brought that up before either.

Regardless, after she started crying I really felt terrible and I was so close to giving in right then and there. I feel like I honestly don’t have much of an argument and that I’m just being a selfish boyfriend. The only thing that has been stopping me is the thought of the last CNY.


This is my first time posting her so I’m sorry if it’s not quite balanced enough for our two viewpoints.

Thank you for your judgement.