Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : Obligatory, this is a throwaway.

I have been avoiding my dad at all costs. He calls almost 3 times a week and sometimes more. 

The reason I avoid him is because I think I've been hurt enough by him. I have a difficult relationship with him. He was Jekyll and Hyde growing up. He rarely physically hit me, but he had no issue beating on my mom since I could remember, I would step in and he'd stop. They are separated now. He has a problem with alcoholism. He was also a good dad. He was openly affectionate and spoiled us when we were growing up. I think he tried his personal best. 

He has psychological issues. To give you an idea of some of the stuff he'd do, I used to go out on walks at night. Maybe around 8 and I wouldn't go to far, just a few blocks down to a nearby park. I'd listen to music. I get that it's odd, but it was calming for me. My dad told me I was a prostitute. 

I struggled with severe chronic depression during my late teens. My dad would constantly tell me that it was all in my head and that what I had was laziness. 
I realize that he didn't understand my illness and in his own way he tried to help. But he made matters worse and yelled at the doctors for prescribing me antidepressants following my mental breakdowns.
I learned a lot from him, from his mistakes, and from our conversations together. I know I need more therapy to work through this. 

I stopped needing my parents' help financially when I moved away to college. Anything I've asked of them since then, I've paid back. My dad's business closed down when the property owner decided to sell his property. My dad rented the space for his business. My dad struggles with paying rent and for his own basic necessities.

My brother lives with him and pays most of their bills, while my dad gets a few customers here and there that know him from when he had his business. I've given him some money and he's grateful for it, but he keeps wanting more. My oldest sister and my brother help him out the most. My second oldest sister and I do give from time to time. 

I call him on his birthdays and for Father's Day to wish him well. However, I ignore most of his calls when he calls.

I know he's ill and his years of alcoholism have affected his illness to a higher degree. I don't know if I've forgiven him, sometimes I think I have, but other times I think I haven't. 

My brother and oldest sister have asked me to contribute more money to help him. I reluctantly agreed. I don't want to help him. I don't know if that's justified and I feel extreme shame and guilt. I don't want my siblings to struggle with helping him either.

I don't think I can mentally handle talking to him right now. I think I've run out of patience for my dad. I don't hate him or wish him ill will. I just don't want anything to do with him now. I feel selfish.

Am I the asshole for not wanting to help my dad in his time of need? 





