I've been blocked by a friend that I've known for over 15 years, i had grown up with this person as one of my best friends , after i messaged them too much and was acting strange.

To give this some context, i have quite severe abandonment complex and paranoia that i have to treat with medication, i occasionally get severe delusional states where i think my body is full of tumours or some serious illness, this tends to lead to really strange and irrational behaviour .

The person in question moved away a few years back, we'd been best friends for 6 years and we promised to stay in touch by social media, a few months after the person had left my abandonment complex had a really bad flair up i ended up messaging them too much and they blocked me.

I felt incredibly guilty about this for years and blamed myself.

Some time goes by and i end up back in contact with this person through another friend, we catch up and they apologise for blocking me, I explain that if they pick up on that behaviour to very clearly tell me so i can take my medication , not to mute or block me.

One of my relatives died and it set off a really bad cascade, I became convinced that I was terminally ill and didn't have much time left, I began indulging in dangerous behaviour unusual for me, smoking, drinking ect, i ended up messaging this person and others with really pointless stuff and small talk in a strange way to make up for my limited time and the gap in years, once i got incredibly drunk and hit on this person i apologised, i dont really know how to describe it because the train of thought wasn't rational.

Eventually this person blocked me again, after being put into hospital and given anti psychotics i came back to reality and realised how much of a dick i had been.

My friends all know that i have this illness and to tell me when im spiralling to help me, i just felt like a burden to this person.