I tried being nice and helping him though some shit but honestly he treated me like shit so I was done. But he invited me over and just played video games all night and didn’t let me play and ignored my advances on him, he cried saying his ex didn’t tell him happy birthday yet totally ignored my message, he insulted my friend in front of all his friends, he would get blackout drunk a few times a month, he would regularly ignore my messages, I was the last one to be invited to his New Years party, he would point out how oily I was and how much dandruff I have (I have complained to him about these issues I had), he wouldn’t wanna cuddle, and he always complained that I never showed him my true feelings yet he literally didn’t show me emotions. I guess I freaked him out when I tried to get too close so I detached. I didn’t invite him to go to places with me, he didn’t meet my family, he didn’t meet my friends really, I never said I love you and I never intentionally left shit at his place. I tried really hard to not come on strong once he told me I went too fast too quick... i invited him on my vacation because I had planned it already and was going alone and I sent him nudes on the trip and he just said “your booty white” and ignored the message, and then later on I came home at like five am and he fucked me and went to sleep and didn’t even say thanks for my present, ever. I hid my feelings from him in fear of being hurt and hoping I could cope with them. 

I texted him why I was mad (the reasons listed above)

He said: But one that I remember early on is you getting upset with me while you were in Hawaii for not really taking it that serious when you asked if I wanted to come join you (I literally asked if he wanted to go.... he said he couldn’t affford it and I said ok, i just thought it would be a fun thing but I understand... no pressure cause I know this is new, I’m just going alone so thought I’d ask). I made a joke about your tan line like the girl from the suntan bottle because I did not think I was insulting you but kinda being cute everyone has a tanline on their butt (I literally sent him a nude and he said “lol”) and you took great offense yo that and then when oh got back it was like super early and I did not think not freaking out you were back would be that big of a deal because we were going to hang out normal people times soon (he hardly talked to me, fucked me, went to sleep- I was gone for two weeks prior). I said I wanted you to tell me if I was doing things like that because I felt at that point I did not know what I was doing sometimes but maybe you were just more sensitive than I realized.

Then blackout drunk thing was bad (but more for me I just shouldnt be doing that stuff) but as you know people on drugs are not themselves and are very unaware of what they were doing then you played it cool at the time only to leave in the morning and the plan was to just necer talk to me or see me again ignore my calls (I answered his calls... ) and texts forcing me to go and try to get an explanation that could have been a little sign I cared ya know if you just ghosted me and I didn’t give a shit why would I go to your place I would have just been like cool now I don’t have to deal with it 
I am not an alcoholic but I do have issues sometimes with taking my drinking too far and I guess my actions during those times are going to be put under a microscope the most instead of how I am sober. That is fine I was shitty to you those times I got drunk and I am sorry but as someone who said they have dealt with drug issues in the past maybe you could have talked to me about it and how the actual drinking was bothering you and how I acted during states of drunkenness were not okay and I would have listened not just ditch me and make me have to go to your place for you to finally tell me. 

Sorry for being shitty I get the picture and I apologize. If you still just want to keep being mad and bring stuff up some more that is fine as well if it helps you out. And you can believe whatever you want to believe about me and my appreciation or feelings for you back then I know how I felt and that is fine again whatever helps you feel better. If you want to keep writing this stiff out I suggest doing it on a piece of paper or journal or something cuz me just responding and trying to make you not blame yourself is obviously riling you up and I am not responding anymore.

Sorry for everything you are a way better person than me so just take some comfort in the fact you don’t have to put up with my shit anymore.  Feel better, goodbye. 

Sorry I got frustrated earlier. Telling you I am not responding was a reactionary decision and it does not mean I am mad at you or do not respect what you have to say I apologize. 

I still think it’s best for you to just forget about me, I am truly so sorry about us not working out and for doing things that made you upset. You don’t (and probably shouldn’t) respond but I did not want to have the last thing I say to you be while I was upset. You deserve better than that so I wanted to say Thank you for everything 🙏 