I’m sure these types of problems are common so I’ll try to keep it short. A few months ago I proposed, and my Fiancée and her mother both wanted a specific family member who is in the clergy of our shared religion to perform the ceremony. I was ambivalent about the idea but kept that to myself and said that’s great. We contact him and let him know are date and he says no, that doesn’t work, in fact that whole month doesn’t work try December (the following month). We pick a date in December and confirm with him. Great!  Two weeks later, her mom lets us know he can’t do that date either, but can do the following week. Ok, we can do that, getting a little close to Christmas but that’s fine. Two months later we get another call from her mom, he can’t do our second date but can do ____ date in November. She says she’s already talked to the church and venue and we just have to say yes. I don’t get a chance to talk to my Fiancée without her mom on speakerphone before it is agreed that we will move to the November date. It’s moved, venue is confirmed as is the church, and we are getting quotes from vendors as I type this (no deposits yet).

Here’s the twist. After moving the date my Fiancée informed me we are 1 week after my old roommates wedding. Very close friend from college with a guest list overlap of ~15 people. Roommate won’t be able to come if we do this new date, some of our out of state guests will for sure not come (as in have already told us). I feel like we’re hurting our wedding with this new date to accommodate an officiant I have never met and will probably never see again after this wedding. 

I talked to my Fiancée and we agreed that despite wanting her relative to perform the ceremony it was coming at too great an expense to ourselves and other guests, so we called her mom and said “let’s look at moving the date to the original planned date.” Mom is upset but says “ok I’ll talk to venues.”

Later that night I get a text from my Fiancée saying her parents decided it was too important to them for him to be the officiant so we cannot move the date. They are providing a significant (read majority) contribution to the wedding and (reasonably IMO) feel they can make this call, though they did not explicitly mention it.

I’m very upset by this. My close friend is guaranteed to miss my wedding and if we like we are being rude to them by bumping against their date. Additionally having somebody else tell me when my wedding is going to be 4 times without any agency is frustrating. 

AITA for being upset? WIBTA if I press the issue? Would it be worth it to push back hard against my future in laws?