
Back in January my partner asked if I wanted to stay with him and his family at a hotel for about 4 nights for a family wedding. I told him at the time I wouldn’t know what my schedule would be like, so don’t book for me. It would be 4 weeknights, and I’ve just started my post grad and am on the job hunt, so I’m trying to keep myself available. 


About 2 days ago he tells me his parents have booked the hotel for 6 people (parents, my partner and I and his brother + brother’s girlfriend) and asked if I wanted to come. I have 3 pieces of assessment due over those 4 days, so I told him I wouldn’t be able to come even if I wanted to.  The next day we got into a big fight about it, since his parents already booked for me and he’s upset that I don’t want to do this with his family/I’m not making the effort for him. We’ve had similar arguments before regarding my commitment to his family/events. He’s very extroverted and has a lot of family that he wants me to meet and be as close to as he is, but I’m extremely introverted and my family consists of my parents and my 1 uncle I see about 4 times a year, so, although I've been trying my best, it’s been a huge change for me. In addition to this, he knows I hate weddings and I really have nothing in common with his family. I can’t help but feel as though unless I’m attending every single event, AND being happy about it, it’s not enough. (FWIW I’m always polite and friendly with his family, and I'm good friends with his brother.)


I ended up venting about it to my parents, and my mother told me that being anti-social and admitting that I don’t get along with his family would ruin our relationship and that I wasn’t making enough of an effort. When I asked her if I should lie and say “I wish I could go” she said yes. 


I’ve had some time to reflect on the situation, and I can’t tell if I’m just being immature for not wanting to go to this event, and if maybe I should just suck it up because that’s how relationships work. I don’t want to lie to my partner about my wants and needs and the kicker is: I wasn’t even invited to the wedding. Neither was his brother’s gf. His parents just hoped that we could show up under the pretence that “we’re already here”. 


I’ve been told I can be unempathetic and cold before, and I thought I'd worked on that, but I'm worried that I'm too dumb to see what I've done wrong, so I really need some sort of outside perspective. I never really thought our difference in social needs/family would have such an impact on our relationship, but it seems to really be grating on him. I’ve made no requirements for him to get to know my family, so it feels like a double standard, but his family is clearly very important to him, so I can see how that’s a false equivalence. AITA? 
