Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : Ok, so I (25M) have recently made a decision to give up on a 4-year relationship with 24F in order to start making music and to transform it into my main activity. It was my first long relationship, and it was not smooth sometimes, but I loved her and still do. Or maybe I think I do.  


So our first year was alright, except she became jealous of all my female friends and she asked me to stop communicating with them because she didn't like the way I'm talking to them (she felt like I was flirting, but I was not). I tried to explain to her that there was nothing to worry about since I'm with her, but she didn't want to hear anything. Since I was "in love" and all, I swallowed it and had to inform my female friends that I will have to limit our communication. I still had short conversations with them, but it was done secretly and was limited to social networks only. 

(I guess this is where it should've ended).  


The second and third years still felt fine, the above limit was live and nothing special was happening. I continued to secretly message my old friends, but not often. It was mainly them asking me how it was going and me replying. With my ex we had many trips here and there, started living together. All seemed to be fine, no major arguments. An important thing, all this time I was working full-time, and occasionally did some gigs with my band. I really loved concerts and I was complaining to my ex that I wanted music to become my career. She started to ask me if I was going to continue doing it and how serious I was. Here is another important thing: Idk if it's the case for all, but for me, our concerts were bringing more and more female fans which irritated my ex. So she was completely pissed because of this fact since she was jealous af. Hence, her questions and some scary things she did which were led by her emotions. I told her that small gigs are enough for me and I was not going to become a McCartney.   


Last year was quite difficult since I noticed I started spending more time on music than on anything else plus I got some mental problems with questions like "What to do next? What is the purpose of all this? Do I want to do what I want to or what I have to?" I've left my job because we moved to another place and I had troubles finding a new one. Gigs were gone as well. So I was more into myself which made me start heavily doing music at home. It felt like our relationship was something that always existed. She wanted me to be more romantic and attentive, and I was busy trying to deal with my existential crisis. At this moment, she proposed to start living separately thinking it would change something, and I had to move out. Since then, I completely fell out of reality - non-stop writing, recording, thinking. Even wanted to invest all my savings into a studio and instruments, but decided to stop myself. As for the relationship, I was bringing her flowers every week (and it was not a forced move - I really wanted to make her happy with that), but we saw each other during weekends only spending time walking or driving around. And at some point, she comes to me and asks if we are done. I'm like "Why? We're fine, no?" And she says "No, we are not". Adds, "if we want to become a family one day and have kids and stuff, I need a stable man that can earn money and make sure the family runs well". And me with my uncertain music stuff and depression, I am not the one she can think of. So she gave me some time to think it over, and me, after weighing pros and cons, I told her that maybe I should solve all my issues before committing to something serious as this, otherwise, I'll make everyone around me unhappy. She bursts into tears and leaves.  


I am still uncomfortable with the decision I made because I had really hard times deciding. On one hand, you just work, make children, die (all of this beautifully wrapped), and I can't say I hated working. I loved what I was doing and I was pretty successful. On the other hand, you're just trying to pursue something you were always dreaming of, and you have no idea whether the result will turn out good or bad. But maybe this tells something about my maturity?  


To give you some more background, I've been doing music occasionally as a hobby since long time but in the past 2 years I've become quite prolific in writing, so I decided to start investing money and time in this activity with no guarantee it could bring me any financial return, and my ex didn't like that. She was hoping I'd become more mature and would work on our relationship and myself to finally become a family with kids and stuff. Of course, she wanted me to think about how I was gonna earn for a living and come up with something stable, and of course, she considers music as something childish and infantile. The same does my family. But it is something I really want to finally spend time on. And something that makes me happy (most of the times).  


Oh pls, kill me, why being an adult is so complicated?  


TL;DR: had a 4-year relationship, found I wanted to change my main activity to music because it made me happy, my gf didn't like that for her reasons, chose music over the relationship after all, although it was a black box with no clear outcome or stability in the future, hurt myself and my ex in the short term

&amp;#x200B;

Sorry for grammar - not a native speaker :( 