Is NOBODY wrong in the post ? POST : So, to give some background, I (22F) recently started talking to my ex (23M) again after around four years of not speaking, with a brief interval of catching up but not actually seeing each other as we were in different states. My ex, we'll call him K, and I, dated all four years of high school. I broke up with him not long after I started college an hour and a half from him, where he stayed at home and went to community college. I broke up with him for the typical getting out of a high school relationship reasons; I wanted to explore, experience new things, and the distance was too tough. Perhaps I didn't give it enough of a chance once I went to college, and I did have some guilt over it for a while, but overall I think it was the right decision for me and don't regret it.

About a month after the breakup, he started dating J (22F? now). Now, K and I had a great group of friends, with whom we were both very close and my then/current best friend was also extremely close with him, the three of us spent a ton of time together. They remained friends for a bit after he began dating J, though he cut me off almost immediately (understandably so). Then K started to blow off our mutual best friend for J, and when confronted about it just shut down and cut her off too. Shortly after that he cut off the remaining people in that friend group (pretty much all girls). As I recently found out, it wasn't even him cutting them off - J used to go through his instagram and unfollow practically every single girl on his feed. One of our mutual friends in particularly she apparently despised because one of K's friends who had hooked up with her shared a nude of her, to which K didn't even react. Real shitty of K's friend but nothing he or the girl did wrong. Sounds like classic abusive behavior to me, dragging people away from their friends like that for bullshit reasons. At the time I wasn't aware of any of this past what my best friend's situation was.

So fast forward about four years, which they've dated on/off, but mostly on, apparently their breakups didn't last long. I had not talked to him at all while they were dating. Last year he contacts me when I'm living in a different state and says he wants to meet and catch up, and we text back and forth for a while and he expresses interest in coming to visit me and see my family. We talked for a couple of weeks, and plans didn't pan out and I didn't hear from him again. I kind of chalked it up to being busy or him changing his mind about talking to me, and didn't push it, but then found out he was dating J again. Left it alone, not my business, I hadn't seen him in four years, he's an adult, etc.

Now, a few months back, I hear from K again. This time I am living in the same state as him again and so we make plans to hang out. We do and have a great time. We did hook up (no sex, like second base) the second or third time we hung out but I decided I wanted to keep things platonic. We go visit my/his former best friend at work and they connect again too. Our HS friend group takes him out for his birthday in the city. We hang out like 8-10 times over the next few months, which brings us up to the present.

He also tells me about what happened with J. Apparently she cheated on him serially, sucked him dry financially, and was just generally not a nice person to him. He worked 50 hours a week while she sat at her parents house not working and smoking his weed and spending his money. He took her back after the first time he found out she cheated - presumably this was when he contacted me and we were in different states. This time, though, he said he was done and needed to spend time on his own. I fully agreed as the guy had not been single for more than a month since he was 14! The thing that makes it worse imo, is that they were in an open relationship. She was ALLOWED to fuck other people and she still managed to break his trust and lie and cheat. This girl was complete and utter trash, and a totally toxic and manipulative presence in his life.

The last time we talked he said I should come out again to his city to hang, and i'm like okay cool let's make plans next weekend, then he starts ignoring my snaps and texts. I don't think too too much of it until my best friend texts me that she thinks he's dating J again. He's also been ignoring her messages, and unfollowed everyone who took him out for his birthday a month ago on instagram again. I checked my instagram today too and realized he unfollowed me as well, and we also noticed he had begun to follow J again.

I still recognize that he's an adult and can make his own choices, and that it isn't necessarily my business, but I am really worried for him. I've seen how people can be so blinded in abusive and manipulative relationships like that, I thought he had finally turned a new leaf but am afraid he is slipping back into this abusive situation. I thought that he was finally going to reconnect with his old friends and that we could maintain a friendship. I thought he was going to be able to spend some time finding himself.

I just feel like I need to do *something* to stop this but I don't know if what I'm most tempted to do will be appropriate or effective. I really want to message her, possibly anonymously, and tell her that she needs to stay the fuck away from him. That I know how she forced him to cut off all of his female friends due to her toxic and selfish jealousy. That she serially cheated on him and broke his trust over and over. That she was manipulative and abusive to him and everyone knows it. That she has already caused him so much pain and that she needs to fuck off and figure out how to not be an abusive person.

The most sensible thing seems like it would be to talk to him directly about my concerns, but... I'm afraid that it won't be effective, especially coming from me, and even worse, might push him further into her arms. And I also know that he is fully aware of the shit that she did, and so it's not like I'm telling him anything new. But I don't want to hurt him. And I don't want her to hurt him. I care about this kid, we grew up together, and it's so plain to see that this girl will be trouble for him and he knows himself he needs time on his own.

TL;DR recently reconnected with my high school ex (as well as him connecting to other old friends) after his four-year long abusive relationship. Things had been looking up until he started unfollowing all of us on instagram and ghosting us after we all took him out for his birthday, is looking like he might go back to her. I want to tell her to fuck right off because she's abusive, manipulative, and toxic as hell