Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : A little bit of background, I'm black she's white. Her grandfather was a flaming racist and regular threw the N word around. He was also a dirty cop in the late 60's and 70's and had plenty of stories about how he beat up "those colored boys".  However, he was really a really good grandfather to his grandchildren. Because he was racist, she pretty much had to keep me a secret from everyone outside of her immediate family for our entire relationship to make sure he never found out. I didn't really care about that because I understood where she was coming from, but I wasn't really a fan of it either. He lived in the next city over and whenever he was in town, I wasn't allowed to come over. She also knew I wasnt a fan of him and had no intention of ever meeting him. 

He died of lung cancer recently, he was a heavy smoker, and she was obviously pretty sad. When she told me, I wasn't thrilled or anything, but I wasn't even the tiniest but sad. She asked if I wanted to come to the funeral and I  said "honestly, ill go if you need the support, but I probably wouldn't ask to come otherwise" she then asked what I meant and I basically told her that she knew I wasn't a fan of the guy or how he lived his life and she knew that. She got pretty upset, said I was being a jerk and that I was judging a man I never even met. I told her that he was an open racist and wouldn't have even wanted me there. She said that his past was irrelevant and that I should have respect for the dead. She was getting more and more upset so I just told her I'd think about it to make her feel better. 

I AM sad that she's sad, but I'm NOT sad that he's gone. I obviously never told her this but I can't force myself to care about this guy. I really don't want to go to this unrepentantly racist guy's funeral and act like I care. Additionally, because I was kept a secret for so long, I literally met none of her extended family so I would know nobody there. So am I the asshole here?
