Okay, first things first: it's tinder and I'm the big silly who thought I found meaningful connection. I'm not on it now. 

&amp;#x200B;

\- I don't use tinder much, certainly not for cheap sex. I guess I had it vaguely because it's a way to meet people.

\- Still managed to match with a guy who seemed nice. He messaged me first, we had great chat and went out for a brunch date when he was articulate, funny, interesting and attractive. Definitely I had gone into the date without expectations and left with them exceeded.

\- Second date is heaps of fun and he takes me out for a really nice dinner. We have great sex and hang out the next morning and I decide on the spot that I've met prince charming. YAY! I let him know that I'm interested and he responds, awkwardly, that he likes me too.

\- Okay, here's the juice. I have clinical depression and, while I'm medicated and don't expect him to 'save' me from myself, it's still there. I haven't disclosed this information.

\- The next few months shit gets wobbly. He works away and is a self-anointed poor communicator. I go through this stage of being super patient with him while ultimately feeing ignored and frustrated because every time I reach out (like once a week) I get the feeling that I'm bugging him and being the proverbial 'ugh, needy woman'. We have sex when he's in town and I feel no problem with that, but definitely feeling that I can't communicate with him because, gross, feeeeeeeeeelings. I want a straight answer as to how he sees us - together? Not? FwB? Dating?

\- He updates tinder.

\- I realise I'm [Gillian Flynn's cool girl](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/584441-men-always-say-that-as-the-defining-compliment-don-t-they)

\- He ends it: I crack and tell him I can't sit around waiting for him to remember I exist and he smoothly reciprocates that he probably needs someone more 'chill'. Ouch.

\- Over the next few months my brain packs it in. I'm not coping and I'm having obsessive thoughts.

\- He starts dating someone else. Yes, I stalked his social media.

\- I send him a long, angry text that basically calls him out on his shit behaviour, for not giving me a genuine reason for ending it. I don't say 'you used me for sex' - because I enjoyed it too - but I definitely feel disposable.

 \-He doesn't respond. My friends, from the ivory tower of their smug relationships, are like 'that's tinder babe'. 

\- I let him know I have severe depression. I don't know what I'm trying to achieve out of this beyond making him feel ashamed for pumping and dumping someone with a mental illness and then walking away as cool as you like.

\- I realise that I am The Crazy you're not supposed to stick you dick into.

1. Am I the asshole for sending angry texts six months later?
2. Am I the asshole for having expectations on tinder?
3. Am I an asshole for faking being mentally stronger and more resilient than I actually am, for fear of being - shock - needy. ie. having needs.