I am using a throwaway for privacy reasons. I have just completed an MSC in App development. Compounding my annoyance with this whole situation is that I working for this company for minimum wage providing skilled labour and designing an app for them. I work upstairs and their is a shop downstairs. I admit this is going to be more one sided then I'd like because it just happened one hour ago and I partially wrote this try and explain to myself why I am upset.  


I have gotten into the habit of writing up reports of any confrontation I have in a professional setting from working with a bully in a previous workplace. Also they stress me out so much I cant remember any details if I don't write it down and it helps me calm down. Anyway here is my report from today:  


 

I enter the shop and one of the girls asks me about the chair I borrowed from the charity upstairs. I had asked them for it nicely because I was experiencing back pain from the chair I was using. I was getting a pain in my tailbone and have since then, before resolving it, resorted to standing up and using my laptop that way. I didn’t want to bother the owner with buying a new chair. I told them the shop I worked in and told them they could come back and take it any time.   
 

The girl informed me that a representative of the charity had come down claiming the chair was stolen while Joe was on shift and had solicited a 5 euro donation from him as restitution. I told Zara that I would now have to go and clear up the situation.

I went upstairs and erroneously went to a representative for the Santa’s grotto and was redirected by her to the correct place. 

I approached the correct place this time. “Hello” I said. “I borrowed a chair from here a few days ago. You seem to think it was stolen I’ve come to clear that up. “ I informed her that I was sorry about the whole incident but I had in fact asked for the chair nicely, informed them where I was working and told them they could get it back any time.   
 

She informed me that they had all been very busy that day. She acknowledged that I had come in because she said I had “hurt my back”. I confirmed this in order to move the situation along. She told me that the CEO had come in and noticed a chair missing and that many families used the chair. I had only taken one chair. There were maybe ten chairs there. I repeated that I had asked for the chair, told her where it would be and that she could take it back any time. I then brought up the 5 euro donation she had solicited from Joe; the guy who had dealt with them when he had come to the shop. “Yes” she said “he was very good to do that. Would you like to make a 5 euro donation?” “No I wouldn’t” I said. “You wouldn’t?” she said sounding surprised.  
 

This was the turning point in the conversation for me. She had offered no apology for the accusation of stealing, the distress she had put my colleague in, the damage she had done to me and the stores reputation or the 5 euro she had unjustifiably solicited. To be accused of stealing is one thing but to be accused of stealing from a charity is even worse. On top of this was the fact that I had all ready proffered her an apology early in the conversation as a show of peace and that she had now just tried to solicit another 5 euro from me making the total restitution for the alleged crime 10 euro.  
 

“you took it for four days. We didn’t know what had happened to it. We had thought you wanted it temporarily”. I reiterated the details of the case i.e that I had asked for it, told them where it was and offered to bring it back to them anytime they wanted it.

‘I am under the impression you pressured him into donating” I said.   
 

“Oh no no no” she said “would you like me to give the five euro back?”  
 

“Thats not going to happen “ I said “I think you know thats not going to happen.”

I felt this offer was very disingenuous and was designed to embarrass me. She continued to offer despite me telling her that I though it was inappropriate. She even reached into a bun-bag she was wearing, despite my protestations and began to fish for a five euro. This started to go around in circles

I eventually interrupted her and said “so I am just clearing that up. The chair wasn’t stolen. Thank you so much”

I was surprised at the situation. All they had to do was come to the shop and ask for the chair. It would have been no problem and created no drama. It is what I would call a reasonable response.  
 

I returned to the store. They asked me how it went. I said “They are very tricky people. She wasn’t easy to deal with and she tried to get another 5 euro donation from me.”  
 

I went upstairs and began writing this report while the events where fresh in my mind.  
 

About 10-15 minutes later. Zara came upstairs and informed me that she had gone back to the charity and apologised on my behalf. I think, but Im not entirely sure, she said she had pledged another 5 euro to the charity. She also told me that I would be paying Joe the 5 euro. She said that she could see from the way I had come back that i had not, to paraphrase, handled the situation properly. I told her I was extremely unhappy with what she had done and that she had no right to apologise on my behalf.   
 

She said that the girl was upset. She said I had originally ran up there shouting about hurting my back and taken a chair. I reiterated to her that I had told the charity where I worked and that anytime they wanted it they could come back and take it. She said I should have taken it back myself. I told her that i was here working everyday and that they were temporary therefore it made sense that they simply come back for the chair when they needed it rather than me bring it back. She ,in a rather demeaning way, said   
 

“you just work here part time.”  
 

She disagreed with me.   
 

I explained to her that accusing us of stealing and of soliciting a donation was a crazy thing to do and I had gone there to clear it up. She conceded that she shouldn’t have said that Joe was pressured into giving a donation. However, giving my experience with the representative of the charity and the fact that she had in fact solicited a donation from me, and even mentioned the exact figure of 5 euro, I believe she did.  
 

She informed me that she was my manager and that she could do that. There was a back and forth on wether she was my manager or not. She said she would call Tommy. I told her that she was free to call Tommy if she wanted. She told me that because she was my manager I should have gotten her permission to borrow a chair. She repeated this several times. To my knowledge she works in the shop part time. She does not make my roster. She is not even the person in the shop with the longest hours. Joe is. I have both my boss  and another woman named Jenny who is on maternity leave. It is my belief that both these people manage the shop. I take instruction for them. Zara is a drama student.   
 

I replied “its just a chair. Why would I need your permission to borrow a chair?” She said that I should have told them where I had gotten the chair. She also told me that I should have had her permission to go and talk to the charity. She said I had stormed over there. I had not stormed over there. I had arrived to work in a good mood having exercised earlier in the morning so I would go in with a positive attitude. I had gone over to the charity with good will and in a good mood merely wanting to clear up a misunderstanding. That is the truth. I smiled at both the girls when I came in to greet them.  
 

I really never envisioned this becoming the major problem it had now become. She became very upset and began to raise her voice slightly. I did not raise my voice but she said “I don’t like the way you are talking to me. Is this the way you are going to talk to me?”. I did not see the way I was talking to her as inappropriate.   
 

I was doubly upset because on Tuesday I had come into work and Joe was sick. She had been called in to cover his shift and was annoyed that he had left five minutes earlier the day before, hadn’t cleaned up, had taken the pass home with him and now she had to cover for him. The store was very busy and she was stressed. I came down and brought her some chocolate I had bought because i felt sorry for her. I covered for her while she was on break for half an hour. I offered to give her another twenty minutes break because she was worried she wouldn’t get it. I also told her to call me if she felt overwhelmed and I would come down and help her. I also offered to pre-cut some wrapping paper for here to save her some time. When I left that day I gave her a reassuring pat on the back as I was leaving as a show of support. She wanted to know when Tommy would arrive there but didn’t ring him. I wanted to ring Tommy anyway so when I did I also asked on her behalf when I thought he would be there and then relayed the information to her. I have never been anything but polite and respectful with Zara and was now very annoyed at the way I was being treated. Despite this I wanted to try and normalise the situation. It felt like this had all gotten completely out of hand over something very very minor.   
 

“This is crazy” I said. I repeated this several times throughout the conversation. I also said “Zara this is mental”. This was my natural response. I couldn’t believe things had gotten so out of hand and I thought by saying “this is crazy” it might diffuse the situation and give us both some perspective. I was really surprised at what was happening. I had never had a problem with Zara but I thought on Tuesday she had been a bit unjustifiably annoyed with Joe and it had made me slightly weary of her.

I also said that she had muddied the waters by going over to the charity and made it look as though 