Is NOBODY wrong in the post ? POST : We met while living in the same apartment community, which I happened to work for. Sarah made excuses to drop by while I was at work, which wasn't weird since my job was to attend to the apartment residents. We started actually talking beyond polite conversation last summer, and eventually I found myself on a date with her, though I didn't realize it at the time.

I was apprehensive to date Sarah for a couple reasons: 1) I didn't feel physically attracted to her from the start, only neutral 2) I didn't think I was emotionally ready for a relationship yet. I took years to get over the HS girl I "dated", largely because I had undiagnosed depression. I thought I needed more time for personal growth. 

With this in mind, I broke things off with Sarah quickly after the date, because I didn't think I could be her boyfriend. What I didn't tell her was that I wasn't attracted to her like that. I guess I couldn't bring myself to say that because  I was still trying to be nice.

I felt like I took a step backwards in my dating progress. I wanted to actually try. Those feelings combined to make me re-evaluate the idea of dating at that point in my life. I had been infatuated with HS girl, and I was not with Sarah. Because my feelings became warped and unhealthy in the HS relationship, I thought that infatuation from the start wasn't something to necessarily pursue. I also began to think that I would never be "ready" to date and that I owed it to myself to actually try with Sarah.

Under this reasoning, I asked to try again with Sarah and she said yes. I felt awkward and uncomfortable about being with her at first, but I wanted to believe that was a result of my inexperience. Over the next several months, we got to know each other pretty well and I strived to be a good partner. 

The problem is I suppressed any doubt about her, rationalizing it as a temporary growing phase. I never talked to her about my feelings on this. I had become afraid of losing Sarah and thought if I could resolve that fear on my own that I could move forward positively with her. 

I tried to continually be satisfied with Sarah and did not express my negative feelings more than a couple times, in which I lied by omission because I didn't want to leave. In January, I finally decided I had enough of bottling in my stress, so I confronted my feelings to Sarah and explained everything as best I could in my heartbreak. 

I did not want to lie to play with her feelings or hurt her, but I had been lying to myself about my feelings to avoid confronting painful emotions in the hopes of growing to wholly accept and love her. I see just how much pain that caused and how damaging it was in hindsight. 

AITA for dating Sarah anyway even though I had initial doubts and was running from my emotions without realizing the impact? 