So, before judging me out of hand, hear me out. I've known this girl for about a year and a half. It's been emotionally intense, with a lot of feelings going unresolved, and coming back, and it's just a general mess. Aside from this I suffer from some sort of depression, basically, I have periods when I'm really unpredictable emotionally, and generally just miserable. I usually do go out with friends even during these periods, though I avoid all contact with this girl, I don't message her, I put her messages on mute or filter them, and don't approach her in public.

A few weeks ago I was in this spot again, and even though she sat the next table over I didn't say a single word to her, I barely looked at her, though she was staring at me, wanting my attention. According to my friends, who paid attention, she basically looked ready to either kill me or start crying. 

One of my friends went up and asked her how she felt, and she basically said it hurts, but that she's used to me ignoring her randomly and doesn't want to raise the issue with me. I asked her over a few days later, apologized, things got weird and then I did it again. I blanked her again and stopped writing. I feel shitty. Am I an asshole, and how big of one?