So we're going to call the person I am talking about B.  


Backstory: One time last month a couple co-workers asked me if I wanted to go to Whole Foods (or a similar place, that sells lunch.. I can't remember the name) so I decided to go, it was a holiday so it was closed and we ended up eating at some random Asian place, basically this day we took a 1.5 hour break, I felt weird about it.   


A week after the whole thing happened, other coworkers invited me to go buy food one day and they also invited B. Now normally I stay away from B and was feeling weird that I was about to have lunch with B.  


So B ended up confronting me during lunch in a pretty aggressive way and that made me feel extra uncomfortable, but I played it cool and said we were stuck in traffic.  


Here is the story:   
Last Monday I messaged B and asked, "B, how can you come to work every single day late but try to confront me for my lunch breaks?" and B's reply was, "Yeah yeah. I know. I'm trying to get better about it. The last couple of weeks have been hard I've been dealing with a lot of shit", so then I said, "Feel better.. life is kinda hard, yeah." then B asked, "As for the lunch break thing, I was talking about the fact that it was an hour and a half break that one day. " so I said, "You said it in a very aggressive and confronting way. I think you need to reevaluate how you talk to people sometimes.", then she just went on about how she didn't mean it that way, then asked me if she really needed to reevaluate how she interacts with people. I lost it and said, "Yep, I think you need to reevaluate it. It makes people not like you that much." then she goes on about how not many people like her anyway. So in a helpful way, I said to her, "Then don't you think there is some type of social skill you need to pick up. Like.. I'm not saying there is something wrong with you.. I just think you are lacking a social skill.. I don't know what it is tho." then she goes on about having BPD, lacking many social skills, and understanding dogs way better than humans. I said, "Alright, are you going to therapy for it?" then she said, "Every month, it's one of those mental illnesses that you get to go to therapy probably until you're 50 or 60 for", in the end, I just wished her good luck.   


So she turns around and says, "Can I ask, how is that I talk to people that they don't like?" (I've talked to other people and they definitely do not like how she acts sometimes, but I mostly gave her my account of why I stay away from her) so I said, "Okay, I'm not trying to do this because I don't like you or anything, but I truly feel put off by you because 1) cutting into conversations with a very loud, very assertive voice 2) the assertive voice you have going on, is indeed normal in some situations, but I feel like it isn't useful in EVERY. SINGLE. INTERACTION. YOU. HAVE. 3) I feel like when I talk to you, or hear you talk to other people - I can analyze in most of your conversations that you seem like the kind of person who wants to "one-up" the other person whenever possible - this is why I stay away from you. 3) The tone you speak in is just an overall I-think-I'm-better-than-you type of tone.. which.. makes me also want to stay away from you and stuff." and finished off with a, "But overall I think it's just in your actions.  
I truly think you can be a good, nice friendly person.. but yeah..." and then she thanked me for the feedback and tried to tell me her life story and it went like this, "grew up in a situation where if you didn't assert yourself you were ignored, or worse. Didn't matter what was happening. Trust me when I say this, I was way worse years ago" and I replied, "But you're on your own now.. it's time to heal and change yourself. (My family home wasn't that good but I'm on my healing path tbh, but yes I understand you came from an abusive family). Tbh I'm not that good with socializing either.. like I've been trying to teach myself how to improve my social skills, people watching skills, etc. and I'm noticing stuff about myself and actively trying to change it." and she said, "I'm aware that I'm a "large personality"" and asked who doesn't like her so I said, "To be honest.. it shouldn't matter. What should matter is yourself, your mental health, and stuff. All I wish is for you to maybe find of peace of mind, make more friends, etc." and I tried to give her more advice but she said she was feeling really bad. I just said sorry and left it at that.  
