So, some background. My husband and I have been seeing a couples therapist for about a month now- once a week. The first day we went I mentioned that I was scared of couples therapy, because there were some big things that were bothering me but I didn't know how to say or talk about- things I worried would hurt just by saying them.  Before I could go into what they were- the therapist stopped me, and explained that we'd get to the big stuff later, and that I didn't have to say it all now.  I got the impression she was trying to build a rapport and foundation with us first. 

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Anyhow, I was relieved, and since then I've been completely honest in therapy as we've worked through other things- but my husband didn't think anything was wrong with the relationship (he told the therapist on that first visit that things had been better and this was just a checkup more than anything else) and is now incredibly anxious about it. I've been trying to defuse, to tell him that he wasn't in trouble and that I wasn't mad at him, but he's been pushing at me to figure out what the big thing is outside of sessions. 

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This cumulated in this morning. We have different sleep schedules, and he gets up before me, but when he got up he looked shaken and was obviously upset.  I asked him what was wrong (still half asleep because I don't brain well before coffee and this was about an hour before I would normally get up) and he told me he had figured out what the big bombshell was. It spawned a conversation where I told him that even if he was right, I didn't feel comfortable talking about it one-on-one- it was something I wanted to discuss with a therapist to guide us through it, and it was something he had agreed to wait on in therapy. He argued that he had suddenly discovered something big and it was eating him up inside and he couldn't just ignore it. 

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So I'm torn, am I the asshole for wanting to wait to discuss this in front of the therapist?    


Other information: he had asked to go see the therapist, about six months ago, and only recently found someone and arranged for it. I'm paying for the visits, so I don't think it's a financial need that's driving the wanting to get it out sooner. 