My boyfriend was badly abused as a child. I love him with absolutely every bit of my heart and it makes me so incredibly sad to even think about. We don't really talk about it a lot (of course, if he wants to, I always lend him an ear). But he makes *extremely* graphic jokes about it every now and then, mostly unprompted and out of nowhere. I think it's a way of coping with it. And I know he deserves that much. But God, it makes me feel nauseous that people hurt children like that. It makes me sad that someone I love so much had to go through something like that. 

It pretty much fucks with my head all day (sometimes even week). I don't tell him that, of course. I know that he has it WAY harder having to cope with this shit than I do for being uncomfortable/saddened by it. And for some reason, it seems worse when he tells it as a joke rather than talking about it seriously? I don't know why. I feel like a selfish fuck for even thinking like this, honestly. Am I? 