I (26f) had a car crash 4 years ago and it was pretty bad. Not my fault. Some people drove on the wrong side of the highway and slammed into me, head on. I've always been a bit of a depressive, so the near death experience had a big impact on me beyond all the injuries (superficial, I healed like wolverine thankfully). I remember thinking, huh, maybe I don't actually want to die. 

But the more time that passed since then my life has really changes. I just felt less and less like 'myself', started doing stuff out of character (quit my long term job, stopped caring about income, etc) but I didn't put two and two together and link it to my accident. Because my life has been so privileged it never really occurred to me that this trauma may have actually negatively impacted me.  

Anyway, along with those changes in my life I also noticed I was getting more irrational and lashing out in anger over things that wouldn't have bothered me before. 

So things like, blaming close friends of mine for dumb stuff, isolating myself, becoming unreliable and constantly angry and sad. 

I ended up going to my doctor late last year, who recommended I get another brain scan (they did one in the er after my accident but I never had a second one) because she noticed my behaviour and condition seemed worse than usual. 

I was diagnosed with a (not life threatening) small aneurysm that I had surgery to fix (modern medicine blows my mind). So now my headaches have gone (I'd thought they were just hormonal) and I'm feeling way better to know that my particularly low rut may have been a product of injury. 

I had really gotten bad. Telling friends I wanted to die, blaming them for not being on my side when a guy wouldnt leave me alone,reminded one of them that her husband abused me and i still stuck by her etc. SO i genuinely do not blame them for blocking me and deciding amongst themselves to boot me from the group. Noone has to tolerate such treatment and i know that i am noones responsibility but my own.

Ive apologised via email as I'm blocked by 3 close friends, explaining that I'm pretty sure I was slowly getting worse and worse and am so sorry for my words ans actions. But I got zero response. It's now been 3 months. I can't keep trying Ti apologise. But I also feel so god damn worthless that such close friends can write me off after a mistake. 

**TLDR** got in a car crash 4 years ago. Had a mild brain injury diagnosed only a few months ago. Think this is why Mt depression worsened and I became a dick to my friends. Am I a bad person? My heart is broken.