Thanks to my personality, I never had a good amount of friends. I don't remember having a good number of pleasurable experiences in the time I was a school, either, so any time I had a good conversation with someone, I was pretty glad.

I was bullied a lot...for a number of reasons. It eventually stopped and I ended up being seen by the rest of the class as someome....kinda valuable, I guess? But not in a good way. It was as if I was just...something they could always joke about...if it makes any sense.

I ended developing some sort of...indifference. I had to. Otherwise, I don't know.

I only had one friend (lets call him K) (still my only friend), and I frankly didn't give a shit about anything or about my class anymore.

Then came this guy in junior year (lets call him T). He was everything I wasn't. He became friends with K and eventually, he became friends with me, too.

This guy, is the kind of person that has friends everywhere. His social circle is massive. He has the kind of attitude that makes him comfortable to be with, and he's extremely outgoing.

I also ended up (at least partially) inside his circle of friends.

I can't lie. I was overjoyed. You have me, someone who was drowning in his own loneliness, finally being able to be with a group of people.

For two years, it was just....okay. I was nowhere as social as them but I always joined them when I was in the mood.

Then, it just ended. At first it was subtle, like minor misunderstandings. 

Then, three months ago. I agreed to meet with him and a bunch of his friends. He told me to wait until they arrived at a friend's house so I could join. I waited....and waited...and waited.

A little over an hour later, I call. They were having dinner somewhere in the city while I was there, like an idiot, waiting. 

I got annoyed, but It didn't last.

People like me...I guess we grow attached to easily. I let it slide because I didn't want to escalate the situation.

So, going back to my friend K. While living in the states (I'm from latin america) he had a girlfriend.  Me, K, his girlfriend and T used to play online a lot. To put it simple and short, K's girlfriend ended up destroying him and dumping him. She moved from the states to my country. Less than a month after the breakup, she starts hanging out with T, and they get along pretty well. 

By this point, I was questioning myself. I felt like I was slowly losing trust. This idiot girl is just a player, she used K and left him as a mess emotionally, she gets back to our country and immediatly starts hanging out with T, which he reciprocates as if he didn't give a shit about K.

Finally, a little over a month ago. I was having a pretty bad day. I had a monitor from the hospital that took my heart pressure every fifteen minutes, and it was downright annoying. I had two tests, and I was pretty anxious. I ended up calling T to meet up, so maybe we could have a chat and I could calm down a little.

He agreed, so I sat and waited.

He didn't come, so I went to class.

I waited for two hours.

When he finally answered, it was him asking me to give him a ride home.

I had enough. 

I just ended it right there. No words. No excuses. He sent me a bunch of messages for like 2 mins and called me twice. Then he stopped. Called again two days later, and that was it. Didn't get an apology or anything. Just a bunch of excuses about how I was being...dramatic. 

I lost. As always. 

The guy didn't care a lot. He maybe did for maybe two days, but he has so many friends that he honestlty just forgot after he saw I wasn't going back.

K ended up confronting T about the girl, and he apologized. I never got an apology. Instead, I was just left alone. I asked one of his friends to retrieve something from him he had taken from my home without my permisson, and he ended up getting mad at me and leaving me, too.

I did everything I could to not lose him, too. He didn't give a single shit about my effort and ignored everything I had to say, siding with T. So I ended it all.

I was fine for a while. I concentrated on my work and my studies, and was looking forward for the holidays.

Then, they all met up yesterday. T, K and everyone else. They had a good time. And It all came back like a tsunami wave. The memories...and how easily I was disposed. I guess I was never an important part of them. Just some nice guy who happened to have a nice car.

It frustrates me to no end. Because this shit has happened my whole life. I'm always the second choice, I'm always someone who gets treated like shit and has to endure all of it.

I guess I'm just...me. And people will always see me this way.

Sorry. I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I had to let it out.

So....please. Tell me... I need to know. Maybe I'm just too dramatic.

The only good thing is that K still talks to me.

Am I the asshole?





