My grandmother passed away yesterday. I do not have a relationship with her. When my brother, sister and I were young, she always treated us as second class to my uncle’s kids. I think this is because she didn’t like my mother. My grandfather died when I was around 8 and he was a lovely man but he didn’t prevent her behaving the way she did. 

My parents separated when I was 11 and she didn’t bother to stay in contact with me, my brother who was 16 and my sister who was 18. I don’t believe she should take any blame for this lack of contact as we were the kids in the situation and she was the adult. 

My dad basically disappeared from our lives for about 5 years or so as well and I later found she was abusive to him when he was growing up although I’m not sure what form that abuse took. 

My brother’s eldest son was her great grandchild. He is now 15 and she has never met him. My brother has since had another child and my sister has two kids who again she has never met. I am now pregnant with my first child and I know she would not have them this baby either. However she has met and had a relationship with my cousins kids. 

I saw her for the first time in years at my Dad’s 60th which I helped to organise, but I didn’t know she would be there. My  Dad’s girlfriend must have invited her. She didn’t acknowledge me or my brother. My sister did not attend as she doesn’t want a relationship with my father. 

I have somewhat repaired my relationship with my Dad but I keep it up for his sake mostly. I don’t really get anything out of it. I just feel guilty if I don’t have some sort of relationship with him. 

I’m really uncomfortable with the thought of going to the funeral. I barely speak to my cousins and I know they will be fully involved in the funeral. I’m worried they will judge us for coming and blame us for not having a relationship with her. I also don’t want to listen to a eulogy about how great she is when she treated me, my siblings, our kids and my Dad terribly. I also had to take time off sick from work lately due to pregnancy related issues and they were so understanding. I’m entitled to bereavement leave but I hate asking for more time off. I also don’t want people at work hearing my grandmother died and being all pitying and I’ll just come across heartless because I’m upset about it. I mean I feel really weird and anxious about it but I’m not sad that she died. 

Does that make me a terrible person? My brother thinks we should go to be there for my Dad, that it’s the right thing to do.  And to be honest if my brother has to go back home to face all the small town gossipers, I don’t want him to face it alone and I feel like we should be able to walk in there with our heads held high as we did nothing wrong. I just don’t feel like honoring this woman. 

TL:DR: Didn’t have relationship with grandmother. Not a nice woman. AITA for not wanting to go to her funeral? 