For my and my twin sister’s 30th birthday, I made plans with her boyfriend to fly in and surprise her, since I live in a different country and we haven’t spent our birthday together in years. She will be THRILLED, knowing her. I told my parents when I booked the ticket, and they asked if they could come along too, and we could all spend our 30th together - great! I love my family, I don’t get to see them enough, and I was super happy we’d all get to be together. 

I did say I thought they should tell her they were coming, because I thought it would be more special for me to show up as a surprise, but they also wanted to be a part of the reveal. I said okay, and we could make that decision later.

It’s getting closer to the date, so my sister’s boyfriend and I have been making more specific plans. I called my parents to fill them in, and they dropped on me that my aunt wanted to come too...and that she’s already bought her plane ticket. At this point, it was starting to feel like it wasn’t my trip or my surprise anymore, like my parents have co-opted it, so I asked them to tell my sister that they and my aunt were coming, and my arrival would still be a surprise.

My mother is pushing back in the group planning message thread, saying she “has some concerns” about doing that, since sister’s boyfriend has already told her to take the Friday and Monday off work for something he’s planning, and that my sister is going to get suspicious. 

I sent them a message this morning to say that I was disappointed with how it was panning out. Firstly because my big gift was flying in as a surprise, and it feels less special if everyone is doing it, and secondly because it now feels like it’s her special surprise birthday weekend and everyone is making a big deal about surprising her for it ...but it’s also my birthday too! 

Also (my parents don’t know this), my sister’s boyfriend asked me a long time ago, when I first started arranging my travel plans and it was meant to be just me there, if I minded him proposing to my sister that weekend. He’s wonderful, and I couldn’t be happier for them, so I said yes, of course! But now it feels like everything else is going to overshadow my weekend with my sister. Also, I’m now a little worried that she’ll think her boyfriend arranged for everyone to be there for the proposal and not that it was my surprise that I arranged for her.

Am I being too difficult and controlling about this trip? I’m worried they’re going to think I’m being precious about being the center of attention...and maybe I am?