Around 4 years ago I deleted a bunch of friends off of Facebook without explanation. This lasted for around a month before I slowly started re-adding people and reintegrating into my old friend group. Recently, a friend of ours did the same thing and was treated significantly differently. Am I the asshole if I bring this up nearly four years later? More context below. I apologize in advance if it's a bit rambly, I'm not sure how to order this.

**THE BACKGROUND - The sad times :(**

I've been dealing with feelings of depression for most of my life, for anyone feeling vulnerable or depressed please be aware that this post might not be for you. Mostly my depression was due to being unhappy with my circumstances in life, but also largely because my brain's an asshole and keeps trying to kill me. 

Four years ago where this fun little story begins, my tightest knit group of friends was a gaming group. We all lived in different cities a few hours away from each other, but we'd meet up every couple of months to go camping or go on mini-trips. I'd known everyone in the group for a couple years at least by the time all this stuff went down. I was not 100% open about feeling depressed at this point, because HEY GUESS WHAT, baring your soul is really difficult. The group was aware that I was generally 'unhappy', though. 

I was closest with two people in particular, one we'll call FishFan420 and the other we'll call The Noodle Gimp. These aren't their real names or usernames, but I kind of wish they were. The Noodle Gimp was a lady streamer on twitch who regularly pulled about 7 viewers a night, and we often would game together just the two of us. We grew really close to the point where she started throwing the word best friend around. FishFan420 was my brother's roommate and we're extremely close now (after all this shenanigans).

Anyway, things were generally good until one day I grew sick of living and decided I should just go off and take my own life, wrote a lovely ole note and everything. I wanted to just kind of *fade away* so I deleted basically everyone except for family off of Facebook and went no contact. Didn't end up doing it (Yay!), but it was a very close thing. There's a real treacherous road near my house that runs along the side of a canyon. Plan was to just drive off real fast without a seatbelt. I remember one night sitting there in my car by the side of the road just sobbing like a gigantic manchild trying to work up the nerve to do it. Shit was real bad guys. 

**THE INCIDENT - In which LowerNotice has his feelings hurt**

Anyway, about two weeks into my self-imposed isolation, I posted something on Twitter. I don't remember what it was, but it was something to the effect of "shit sucks life is pain and linkin park's lyrics finally make sense to me". A few hours later a rando we'd all played with before sends me a message and tells me to check out The Noodle Gimp's stream. I tune in and she's reading my tweet out on stream and laughing about it, and calls me Mr. Dramatic. I remember that FishFan420 was there on Skype with them, but I don't remember anything else that was said. I deleted the tweet and went to bed. Looking back, I really wish I hadn't so I could recall see what I wrote. 

**THE CALLOUTS/THE AFTERMATH - In which adults do not properly communicate their emotions and we bury things for later**

I took some time to process what happened, and a few days later I asked The Noodle Gimp to talk. I told her what had been going on and why I'd been absent (tried to neck myself yo), and that I'd heard what happened on her stream. She said sorry, and then started talking about how no one knew what was going on with me and they were confused/worried. As far as apologies go, it kind of blew chunks. 

I reached back out to FishFan420 at this point too, but I honestly don't remember that conversation that well. I don't remember if I talked to him about the tweet too, or told him about my depression, or really anything. I do remember he told me that they didn't know what was going on but they missed me.

I spent a few more weeks not talking to anybody, and then I just started showing up for games and stuff again. Over time, I slowly made positive changes in my life and I'm in a significantly better place now than I was then. Eventually, our friend group found its new normal and I put what happened behind me.

**PRESENT DAY - The largely happy times but currently (and hopefully temporarily) unhappy times**

Yeah boys there's a present day. I bet you forgot by now ya lil scamps, last time I mentioned it was like five hundred words ago. Anyway, these days FishFan420 and I are really tight and generally get along great. I still talk to The Noodle Gimp and we hang out from time to time, mainly just hiking or having fires and just doing fun shit without any crazy emotional engagement. I was pretty cool with things, and I'm so far removed from the person I was four years ago that it can sometimes be hard to remember details from my old life. Things are mostly good. 

But then, BLAM, a third player joins the arena. Tim Tiny Toes (we call him TTT for short) is a friend I met through FishFan420. He recently pulled the same move I did and blocked everyone in our social circle on Facebook. I believe this was largely due to his recent breakup with his ex (whom I've never met), and some drama that went down at my brother's wedding a month ago. Basically, he didn't know she was invited and he wasn't happy about it, and he left immediately after the ceremony when his groomsmen duties were over.

FishFan420 let me know that he'd blocked a bunch of people on Facebook, so I checked and... *bummmerrrrr*, I was one of them. He'd deleted me but hadn't blocked me, so I sent him a message that said something to the effect of "Hey man, I hope you're doing okay. I deleted a bunch of people from Facebook a while back and it's because I was in a really bad place. Is there anything I can do? I'm down to chat if you need it." He blocked me without responding, so I'm not sure what's up with him, but this post is about me so forget that dude for now.

TTT lives four hours away from me and FishFan420 so we wouldn't have a chance to just randomly bump into him. But last week FishFan420 and I were on the phone just catching up, and he tells me he's been trying to get ahold of TTT. He tells me about how he was passing through TTT's area so he put together a gift basket with a bunch of awesome kinds of beer in it and a card, and left it on his balcony for him. 

Fellas, that really hurt me. It instantly reminded me of when I was in the same situation TTT was in, and my friends made fun of me on a livestream. It sucked so much. I haven't spoken with anyone yet, but it's been weighing on my mind a lot lately.

The Noodle Gimp is in no way involved in the situation with TTT, I don't think they've ever met and I don't think she knows about it. 

Right now, I want to go back to The Noodle Gimp and properly explain why I feel that that what she did was incredibly shitty because I don't feel like I covered it properly last time, and I want to go to FishFan420 and ask him why the hell he couldn't put in that kind of effort for me.

**MISCELLANOUS**

We have all changed a lot in the past four years, and I'm generally quite happy with my friendships with both The Noodle Gimp and FishFan420. I know that if I asked, they would both sit and hear me out. 

I think it's also possible that FishFan420 only acted differently with TTT because this is his second time around the block and he's had some time to think about how to handle this kind of situation.

I also don't know what the hell I'd get out of bringing this up again after all this time. I would have no goal having this conversation. I don't know if it's worth bringing this up so I can have some catharsis or if I should just let sleeping dogs lie.

**TL;DR**

Am I the asshole for bringing up something shitty that happened four years ago?