**NSFW tag because of trauma? I've seen other subreddits require this for stuff that might trigger other people who've gone through domestic abuse/ sexual abuse/ etc.) I can remove it if unnecessary.** 

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My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few years. Over time she has slowly revealed how abusive and toxic her dad is. She's had to see therapists in dealing with the trauma he has caused. This Christmas, she finally outright refused to go home and finally said how she actually felt about him as a father and human being (all of it being negative). Now her mother is trying to convince her to go home again and to "give him another chance." Now I obviously can't just list all this man's wrongdoings, which would obviously be biased, but I have one incident and a few factors that stands out to me.

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When she was in highschool she started "dating" a black guy. She's a pretty innocent girl and has never been a drug abuser, diving into sexual relationships too young, and get's good grades. Her dad's response is to call her names, threaten to kill the black guy's family, and **load and unload a gun** while threatening her. She says she can't remember if it was pointed at her because she was so scared of dying. Remember, she's a teenager at this point. The next day he claims to "forget" he did that and laughs it off. He frequently sends out creepy/threatening texts and claims to "forget" he sent them

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He claims to forget because hes on pain medication, which I'm sure is just an opioid addiction. He "hurt his back" and hasn't worked in decades, hasn't left the house in two years, and generally cycles between watching tv, attempting to sleep, chewing tobacco, and eating microwaveable food.

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So two days ago, my girlfriend gets a phone call from her dad. It starts off well, him being normal for once. Just him asking if she's going to back for Christmas. She initially says yes because it's so unusual for him to be "nice" (as in normal to ask your daughter politely to come home for Christmas). This conversation somehow turns into a 45 minute rant including things such as "I was so sad when your brother and you left for college that I went around punching holes in the wall." "If you go to Japan again, he (as in OP) will just sell you." "I didn't watch your graduation ceremony online because I think people are spying on me through the streaming website." (This is for the UC Davis online stream of the graduation ceremoney, he couldn't go because he has "anxiety" and hasn't left home in over 2 years.) Also, class emotional abuse lines such as "If you're coming home for less than 7 days, then don't bother coming at all." 

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As always, now her mom is calling trying to convince her to go home and saying "he still expects you to come home."

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To me, this guy clearly has the emotional maturity of a 17 year old. I don't care what kind of bullshit "family first" excuse he says. He used a loaded gun to threaten his teenage daughter. Why should anyone like that ever be trusted? I don't know what kind crazy he'll pull this year? Murder suicide is pretty damn on my list of **very possible things he'd do**. Are we the assholes/ is she the asshole for refusing to go home to a psychopath?

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By the way, we are both in our mid-twenties and live together. I feel like that may be relevant to some people? I don't want people to think we're teenagers running away from home for Christmas or anything. Honestly, this guy should be on some watch list because he's another pop-up add away from shooting up a mall or something, but the only people that know how crazy he is either won't say anything or don't have physical proof. 

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