Is NOBODY wrong in the post ? POST : There's no conceivable way to describe this that isn't awkward as hell, so I'll just get right into it. I was hooking up with a girl that I've recently started seeing; we're having sex and I used my fingers to grip her hair - not, you know, pulling it (which I think would be a weird thing to do without testing the waters) but just grabbing on experimentally - and she reacted very negatively. Immediately wanted to stop everything, and then full on crying and screaming. As per her request I left asap, feeling horrible about the whole episode. 

She texted me later to explain that hair-stuff is a trigger related to her ex. Totally understandable. And I don't want to frame this in a a way that uses fault or blame, but here it is: to have avoided pain for all parties, should she have told me before we started having sex? Or should I have asked if she had triggers I should avoid? Also I kind of feel like the experimental hair-grab was probably a consent violation all its own, but I'm not sure. So I'm inclined to judge that I was the asshole anyway. Does that sound right?