Info: my husband and I are currently having some issues with his parents (HP). This only involves us and our child, so we have been trying to be adults and keep it to ourselves.


HP, however, have made it known to his younger brother (YB) that we are ignoring them, refusing to go to family dinners, ect. Which we are, but they didn't tell him why we are doing those things. YB confronted my husband and he did confirm that we were having issues, but said that those issues did not involve him. They have always had a great relationship and considered each other best friends. After a bit of back and forth, YB agreed to stay out of it since it didn't involve him.


For months their relationship went back to how it was before.


One day (months later) my husband asked YB if he was coming to our daughter's first birthday (we hadn't had an RSVP from him yet). He told my husband no, that it "wasn't worth the haul", and wasn't a big deal. 


Granted, the party was going to be around 45 to 60 minutes away for him (we had it closer to my side of the family because my grandpa is terminal and is unable to travel far. We didn't want him to miss what was probably the only birthday he will be able to make it to for my daughter).


When my husband told me, we were both upset. Me being friendly with YB's wife, sent her a text message apologizing for the drive, but explaining the situation with my grandpa. I was told that they were busy being newly married, who just bought a house and didn't only want to see family for "special occasions" and that it would be easier for that bond to be there if we didn't just stop going to family dinners (referring to the issues with his parents). I reminded her that I had frequently invited her and YB to our house for dinner (for over 6 years I played host, even before my husband and i were married or had any issues with the family) and that they turned down the invitations more often than not. Told her I didn't want to fight, just that we were upset, but told her to take care.


The day of our daughters party, YB texted my husband all day about how he was "just chilling in his basement". Obviously not busy. Never said happy birthday. Never sent a card. Never any acknowledgement.

I was upset by this and unfriended YB's wife on Facebook (YB doesn't have a FB).


Ever since then, YB has told my husband that I was hateful and it was stupid for us to be upset about something so small as a birthday. YB's wife made a post on FB about how selfish my husband and I were (without mentioning our names) because we expect people to just show up for us on a day when they may be busy, rather than rescheduling. 


I feel like they purposely skipped it to "get back at us" for either not telling them the details of the issues we had with his parents OR just the fact that we are "upsetting" his parents.

I know my daughter won't remember but it felt like a big day for us. So AITA for being upset that they didn't go or even acknowledge it?