Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : This is about the holidays and life in general. 

I've been through a lot with my family this year.  To make it short, my mom is pretty narcissistic and my family are her followers. Lately she's  been using her nice face. I've  limited her visits already because she has made a huge negative impact  on my older kid (4yo) and often makes me question my sanity. This week she has constantly asked "You're coming to help us cook like we always do,right?" I told her no. She asked if she can take my oldest then, I said no.. because why have a 4yo over there while they're cooking, they won't be paying attention to her and she really can't help. They put her in front of a TV and let her eat a bunch of junk whenever she wants.  I also said no because every year that I've  "helped" is only me doing one thing and now because I have a 6 month old that just got his shots and is clingy so I can't even help much anyway.  She tried to convince me by saying she got this delicious turkey and she's going to make a dish that I love,  she tries to use food to bring us over for some reason,I told her i'm not a dog, i'm not driven by food. She also coincidentally gave me $100 a few days ago, not sure why.  I know she'll try to convince me tomorrow too because my guy works part of the day. 

Last year, while we were living with her, I made a big apple pie and like 2 other dishes..none of them ate them. It has been a year since I've  moved out again and i'm determined to stay gone this time. Today she asked if I wanted her to come pick me and the kids up since my guy is at work with the car so I can "help like we do every year", I said no because I have food to cook too. But honestly I'm not starting to cook the major parts until my guy gets home to help entertain our baby while I cook or vice versa. 

This year has been full of me having to distance myself from my controlling,helicopter, narcissistic mother and family because she was making my oldest obsessed with her,she kept trying to force me to make decisions that she wanted, and thought me trying to be an adult was "cute". But they've  told me before that they "care" about me but not as much  and that they try to keep nice with me so they can see the kids. I'm lucky my fiance is honest because my mom has contacted him many times trying to make him convince me to do what she wants but he told them to stop because he doesn't  want to be involved in their stuff and that I'm an adult and we can talk over our own decisions. So i'm a bit..empty towards  them. I still love them. I love my mom but we don't get along much so I stay neutral when I let her visit,i don't say anything about our life anymore to her. It's  like she wants me to be like my sister..who is almost 40,has never lived on her own,has a decent career, no friends except an ex who is using her as a backup while he's with another chick, no kids...a mess of anxiety and medication. They do everything together. I don't want that. I miss how my mom used to be..kinda. But she's  almost 60 and stuck in her ways. I'm 25 and have a life of my own,I want to make my own traditions with our family.

She thinks us trying to be adults and a family is "cute". She calls us all "shorties" but my guy is the same height as her. When she saw we had our Christmas tree up she thought it was "so cute" and "Did ya'll have to get a ladder??" and laughed..damn tree is only 6ft, my dude is 5'9. But when I talk about how we're trying to do things as a family and not go over to her house or not involve them, it's no longer cute.  My family is obsessed with "FAMILYYYYY IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT FAMILYYYY  WHEN YOUR GUY LEAVES YOU YOU'LL ONLY HAVE FAMILYYYY IF HE STARTS ABUSING YOU LIKE YOUR EX DID YOU'LL  ONLY HAVE FAMILLLYYYYYYY " by family they mean blood. Friends don't matter to them,  anybody that isn't blood doesn't matter to them.  Which is weird because my oldest is from an abusive ex and my mom can't seem to stop thinking that he'll change one day (he really won't he's beyond help and wants nothing to do with my oldest) but my fiance has taken over being her father and we have a baby together and he's amazing but they keep insisting that he'll leave me. She's still mad that I spent one Thanksgiving with my ex and his grandmother about 6 years ago. So she'll hold another grudge this time most likely.   My own grandmother rarely calls me and she called last night right after I told my mom I wasn't coming to help, I guess so she could try to convince me to go. I feel shitty because they often guilt-trip  with "we could die any day and you would regret doing &lt;insert whatever they disagree with&gt;".  After I started limiting her visits she suddenly started asking me if she could get rid of some of my stuff at her house. 

So AITA? Should I feel guilty?  I told her we could visit for an hour or two tomorrow but I guess that isn't enough for her.  

