Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : Throwaway since the situation is specific enough friends would know its me so don't wanna link my usual account...and sorry for the length. This is a bit off my chest as well and I'm a bit of a wreck and not able to think all that well.

My friends and I have an annual holiday party in December, the date of course is never set in stone so that we can be flexible with work schedules.

This year, it so happens that the schedules require that we celebrate early. Very early actually - on the same day I had planned to celebrate my birthday (a Friday). 

To celebrate my birthday, the day before is no go - it's a weekday and I had already planned to see Spider-man: Into the Spiderverse, which I had been really super looking forward to (I absolutely love superhero movies). The weekend before is no go - there will be friends out of town. The day after (Saturday) friends will be occupied with company holiday parties.

At first, that Sunday was okay - until they realized the Backstreet Boys concert was happening and in the excitement of buying tickets they forgot the party was going to be on that day.

So now we're back to that Friday being the only option. So they asked, would I be willing to share my birthday party with the holiday party?

Thing is, I really don't want to. This past year, has felt really, *really* super hard for me. I had all four wisdom teeth pulled - one even dry socket (it's incredibly painful for those who have not experienced that). 

Then my old car (paid off) broke down, so I had to get a new (used) one. This wasn't something I had planned to do this year considering it was a huge financial decision.

Then I had an allergic reaction to poison ivy - this not only drained my health savings (already depleted because of the wisdom teeth) I actually have yet to pay off everything. It was super painful, got everywhere, especially on my hands where they swelled like crazy and itched. I gave up a camping trip I was really looking forward to, out of fear of *another* medical mallady, poison ivy or otherwise, resulting from it.

Then, my phone (5 years old) was barely functioning (would  freeze or delay when writing texts or emails, openning apps...fun) and since I use it for work I got a new one - sounds great, but as I was already stressed over having to pay for a new (user) car *and* paying off my emergency room visit, it was another thing I just really did not want to be spending money on. But its needed for work, so new phone it was.

The relationship I was in with a guy wasn't working out, so we broke it off. It sucks, we had been working on the relationship since early this year and hopped to work through some rough edges but...it just wasn't working. So now I'm bummed out about that.

*Then* I started to experience swelling and rash on my hands *again* but haven't been able to isolate the cause, nor can I afford to address it with a doctor, so I'm taking allegra and using benadryl to try to control it. I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it - no one likes a whiner - but this is really freaking me out.

And then this morning, for the first time in nearly a decade, I cracked my phone. Pretty badly, and it's a *new* phone. I try to take good care of my things so for this to happen, especially to something new, royally sucks ass.

In addition to all this my dieting hasn't gone as well as I've liked this year so I feel like a rotten failure especially since I did so well last year, all the worries and aches have made my sleep terrible this year, and I'm pretty sure my far-sight is going bad but I have no money for an eye exam, let alone glasses and contacts. Work has been insanely busy, which further contributed to added stress. This year has been an unusual acumulation of terrible luck one thing after another and some days I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.

So, back to my birthday, I was really looking forward to it, to something *simple* and calm and not terribly exciting. After this awful and stressful year, I wanted my 30th birthday to be for me and something I have control over. All I wanted was some delivered pizza, cake, and play games with my  friends. 

Combining it with a larger party where half the people are ones I barely know, where we won't get to sit down and chill with games...I just didn't plan that, I don't *want* that, but if I insist that Friday be for *me* as originally planned...I fear it will cause resentment since that means we have to schedule a day where some people aren't going to be able to make it. I don't want to force people to miss out, but, this isn't just something I can throw away either.

And none of the others had to share their 30th birthday. We've been putting effort into specifically marking everyone's 30th birthday, a little extra this or that - but then *I'm* the one that has to share. I don't think I'd be able to emotionally handle sharing my birthday given how much I was banking on it to be just my day, but if I yield and let that day be just the holiday party, I don't think I'd be able to attend knowing I had to give up my birthday party. And if my friends accept that...I don't know how I'd be able to handle that. We've been friends for nearly 15 years and they should know better, I think,, but maybe they expect me to grow up and share.

I already told them no...but I feel like that answer wasn't liked and I'll be pressured later as the day approaches.

Maybe I just need to grow up?