Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : My girlfriend left my place moments ago to get space. I think she left feeling hurt that I ruined what she wanted to do and me feeling that she ruined what we had planned with a surprise which could have been pleasant if it had been done differently. Am I the asshole here?

**Backstory:**

I'm 26 and she is 36. We've been dating for a few months now. There have been a few times where I felt she was unreliable with plans already made or things she said and didn't follow through with. There have been a few occasions where she wasn't ready at the time we had planned on. There have been a few occasions where she said she would call/message in a while and didn't. Or she would stop over when something was done and didn't. Or changed her mind altogether.

My previous relationship ended with me breaking up with my ex because she continuously blew me off last minute for other things. One time we were planning to see a movie and she said she would rather hang out with some friends. I wasn't invited and later came to find out they had gone to the movies. This hurt me deeply and to lookout for myself I called it quits with that relationship. It had become a pattern.

I shared this with my current girlfriend and on the occasions I mentioned above rather than bottle things up I let her know that it bothered me so she wasn't new to how much being reliable meant to me. I said it along the lines of I don't think there are a lot of things which bother me much but this is a sore spot and something that ended my previous relationship and with it bothering me could she please be considerate of that.

**Which leads us to tonight:**

I had spent the night at her place and before leaving to do some stuff I put out there that maybe we could do something later. She knows I've been wanting to go see a movie together for a while. As I was finishing up at the gym at about 9pm I asked if she would like to see a movie.

The conversation went like this:

Me: I could go for some chicken tenders and an ice cream cookies sandwich. What about you? (the theater has food)
Her: What time
Me: Would you like to pick? I know I'd like the tenders ice cream and you. Not too worried about which movie or time.
Her: Sure let me look :)
Her: Okay I picked that happy death day 2 at 10:30pm is that okay
Me: Yes, done.
Me: I'm home now going to have a protein shake. I'll be back over in time for the movie.
Her: Is there anything you want me to bring
Me: Not that I can think of.

When I was leaving the house I told her I was on my way and she said no don't go she is on her way. At that point I was in the car just down the street but no big deal I went back home. She gets over and comes in, sits down for a few minutes and I play some music. We were timing the movie to get there missing most of the previews. I was very much looking forward to and planning on being warm with a blanket at the theater and getting food there because I was hungry. As I was putting my coat on for us to go out the door she tells me wait. That I have encouraged her to speak her mind and go with what she is feeling. I asked what's up. She said she doesn't really want to go to the movie now and would rather do something else. She isn't sure what but will I come along for a surprise night. She mentioned going to a graveyard or some railroad tracks or out to a bar to get a drink and shoot pool. I told her that yes she is most certainly free to speak her mind but those things didn't interest me at the moment, my heart was set on getting food and being cuddled up watching a movie. I said I didn't want to be outside in the cold (New York) and we had gone out to a bar on Friday already. She asked why I couldn't be more open minded to surprises. I responded that I'm okay with surprises but I didn't like how last minute this was after we already had plans and were almost out the door. I told her I believe that had she instead suggested a surprise night earlier such as at 9pm when I first asked about seeing a movie, I would have been receptive to it. I followed up with, can we still go see the movie tonight and do a surprise something another time? She said no, she isn't going to see the movie now but I am welcome to still go myself. I said okay you can go do what you want and I'll go see the movie and I don't like that we ended up in this situation. There was some more back and forth at which point I likely would have missed the beginning of the movie so I changed to I would stay home and find something to eat.

**Change of plans:**

Let me admit I was upset now and took a snarky tone. She wanted me to go along with her for the ride and see what happened. I asked if we could still take care of me getting something to eat and not be in the cold. So there I am and we're in the car. She stops for gas and we're talking. I brought up again that reliability is very important to me and that I felt this was her being unreliable and reminded her that it had ended a relationship before. I'm not sure how rough it came across to her. I didn't mean it as a threat, rather I was distressed and urgently trying to convey how important this was to me so that it would be taken seriously. She said she would just take me home. I said here I am already with you, I can stay quiet if you like, let's just do what you want to do and make the best of things. She took us to Walmart where she proceeded to wander around and get nothing. As we talked while walking around she divulged that she had wanted to go to her father's grave but I had ruined that for her and she was no longer in the mood for it. I said I wish she had said so sooner, that I thought that would be a sweet thing to do and that I was up for doing that. She lost her father about a year ago which I am sympathetic to. I went on to say I would be honored to go with her and that I recognize the significance of her inviting me there. She reiterated that it was already ruined for her at the moment. I asked how long she had known this was what she wanted to do. She said it hadn't occurred to her that it was what she wanted to do until when we were leaving the gas station.

At that point I wasn't happy but was talking about salvaging the night doing something and said of all things I didn't want to just walk around Walmart. So we left and she said she would drop me off at home. I said we could watch a movie at my place, still go to the graveyard, go out for a drink, do something to end the night on a better note. She could come in or we could go to her place. Reluctantly she came in but just started cleaning stuff. We weren't doing anything together. She said I could start doing what I wanted and I said what I wanted was to do something together. She said I told you in the car I didn't want to do anything together right now and want space. She got her coat and left. 

So from planning to see a movie and have food to being here writing this. Am I the asshole?