I had some friends over and we were having some wine. My roommate was holed up in her room as usual. She came out and asked us to keep it down, which was fine! One of my friends asked her to join us. She said she doesn't drink. We were all pretty tipsy at this point and kind of teasing her, inviting her to have a drink. She screamed that she was an alcoholic. My good friend blurted out, "how can you be an alcoholic if you don't drink?" And my roommate said: I don't know, how can you be a man if you have a vagina? My friend is trans. Everyone was stunned and she stomped off back to her room. It kind of harshed our whole vibe and my friends left not long after. 

I absolutely think she should apologize for what she said. Everyone agrees with me except her. She said my friend shouldn't have disrespected her in her own house and because *I* did not shut it down, as she felt it was my duty to check my guests, she said what she did. We've been arguing about it and she refuses to budge on her stance which basically comes down to "you receive the energy you give", which is a fucked up bastardization of "treat others how you want to be treated" her philosophy is she treats others how they treat *her*, or how she perceives they've treated her, in this case. Still, I don't think it's okay, I don't think lightly ribbing someone gives her an excuse to be transphobic in return. I told her she needs to apologize and she says the whole situation was *my* fault for not controlling my guests better and it would have never escalated to that point if *I* had stepped in. 

So, I ask you, AITA?