My wife and I have been together for 17 years and married for 15. One drunk evening, before we got married but were living together, we went out and got really drunk. She had a friend that knew the bartenders at a particular bar and they offered to let us stay after hours. I was tired and ready to go home so I went to warm up the car. I returned and the doors to the bar were locked. No answer on the bar phone, my wife’s phone or our friends we had come with. After freaking out I eventually went home and to bed. 

The next day my wife returns home. I ask what happened and it’s clear she cheated on me but would not tell me the truth (she still won’t). 

I got over it and accepted that something happened but i loved her and would move on. So we got married. 

(I admit that this is when i should have left her.)

Years later, after having our son, we separated during a difficult time. I got a call from her stating she found out she was pregnant. Well, I knew it wasn’t mine. I wasn’t comforting her at first because, fuck that bitch. Then we talked more and I made the decision to get back with her for our son and because I still do love her. 

We have a daughter now and I try to think it’s possible we had sex around the time she would have been conceived but in truth I will never get a DNA test because I already feel like she is my girl and the truth would kill me. 

Returning to the story- shortly after we got back together she had a break in her lying and admitted that while we were separated she slept with many people including friends of mine (She was back in our home town and I was about an hour and a half away). 

I plan on staying with my wife until I explode or the kids go to college. My sons grades really suffered when we split earlier and I think it’s better for both parents to be in the home. 

My wife loves sex. In therapy I have explained that I really do love her and I care what happens to her. I do. I want her to be happy and I want her to succeed in life so our children can be good people. My only issue with her is that she cheated on me. 

So I have refused sex to my wife for about 6 months now. Prior to that she was lucky to get it once a month. This is how I have been paying her back. I don’t tell her I will never touch her again. I avoid the subject. I don’t tell her that she’s got many more years of sexless marriage ahead of her. If she cheats on me I’ll take her for everything. I’ll keep my kids taken care of and continue to support her in every other way, but she can go fuck herself to eternity.

To clarify, my wife is an alcoholic and I attend meeting to support her, I buy her valentines cards, and I tell her I love her because I do. She will just have to suffer on the sex side. 

So AITA and I should just leave her, or should I tell her the truth? Which would be, I’ll never touch you intimately ever again and let her decide for herself. Or should I continue on for my kids sake?

