Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : Married for four years but together for 12 and we have a young child together. A couple months ago my husband suddenly started smoking cigarettes again. I say again because he was a smoker when I met him 12 years ago but managed to hide it from me for almost the first entire year of dating -- I know, great way to start a relationship with a lie -- but somehow we got through it. I told him if he wanted to move in together he needed to quit smoking, which he did, and other than that and a few minor things he's always been honest about everything else and has not smoked the entire time we've been together (that I know of). 

The last two years have been rough, admittedly. Our baby was a very difficult newborn and cried and screamed all the time for no reason, and still today is a very poor sleeper and high needs, but he's a good kid and my husband was/is excited to be a dad. So it was strange when a few months ago out of the blue he told me he had started smoking again at work. Of course I asked why, and he said he'd been feeling stressed out from lack of sleep, work, etc. and he just had the urge to smoke again and it's been helping him cope with the stress. I've tried numerous times to talk to him to get to the root of what exactly is stressing him out and why he took up smoking again - because we've both been under the same stress for the last two years and he managed to not smoke that whole time; in fact, for awhile he was working out daily and that seemed to be working as his outlet. 

Things were complicated when his mother passed away in October, although they were not close and he hadn't seen her in over a decade. He'd already been smoking for awhile but was promising to quit until then. Now, he refuses to try to quit because he says he is still grieving, which is understandable, but I am not ok with him smoking indefinitely and I am at the point where I feel his smoking is negatively affecting me and our son. Although he only smokes outside and claims he doesn't smoke in front of our son, he still reeks of smoke when he comes in and we are not sleeping in the same bed anymore because he would smoke right before bed and I couldn't tolerate the smell of him coming to bed smelling of smoke (I don't have a medical issue but I'm very sensitive to the smell and always have been). On top of that, he coughs and hacks loudly now in the mornings and at night which is both depressing (for his health's sake) and annoying, and wakes me and sometimes our son up. He also will try to go long stretches when he's home without smoking so that he doesn't smell, but of course this results in him being moody all the time from the nicotine withdrawals and he'll snap at me and for no reason. I guess what saddens me the most is even if he is not willing to try quitting for me, he should want to for his son's sake. Yes he's still too little to really understand what smoking is but he won't be forever.

\*\*TL;DR\*\*: Husband started smoking a few months ago and is not willing to quit anytime soon. 

I know it's only been a few months and he's still grieving his mother, but would I be the asshole if I gave him the ultimatum of either quitting within a certain timeframe or me and our son moving out (or he moves out, but obviously I can't force that as it's his home too)?