Trying to accurately represent both sides here. So today is a national holiday where I live and my husband got the day off from work. This is special because a) I also work M-F and he works weekends, so it's rare we have a day off together; and b) our 7-month-old was sick recently and he was the one who stayed home with her for, so he hasn't had a day off in a month as he has been catching up since that time.

Since it's a holiday and also my birthday tomorrow (but he'll have to work tomorrow), I wanted us to go out to lunch as a family. To exemplify how rare this happens, the last time we were able to all three go out together was in October. Yes, as in 2018. And *that* was our first family outing... so suffice it to say family time doesn't happen often and I want to take advantage of today.

He is refusing to go because he said he's tired from work, and has a toothache. Okay, so this is a legit toothache, but here's the thing. He has had problems with the tooth for a year. He does nothing about it (actually, he has to get it extracted and a whole bunch of dental work that we can't afford has to go along with that, so we're just waiting for the magical day we can save the money for that surgery until he can get the tooth out). 

So while I understand that having a chronic toothache sucks, as does working all the time, I also think it's important to spend family time together. It's not like I'm asking him to take us on a huge excursion or anything. It's lunch. At a cheap café. Like, soups and coffee sort of deal. And he can't be bothered/tooth hurts too much.

This is the only thing I've asked for for my birthday, because we can't afford presents now that we have the baby and all. If we don't go today, who knows when the next time he'll have off will be. Could be months down the road before a day off for each of us coincides again on the same day and we can do something with our daughter.

I should add that he is an *excellent* father - at home. He does more than his fair share of babycare, housework cleaning, etc... But it all stops at the door I take her to daycare and pick her up by myself M-F (b/c it's on the same side of town as my workplace), I take her to playdates, I take her to baby classes and the park and basically all of her socialization outside the house is just her and me alone, whether or not I'm tired from working all week, whether or not I'm sick or have a headache or something. It's like at home we're this great family unit but outside the house I'm a single mom.

So who's the asshole here? Am I being unreasonable for insisting he go to lunch as a bday present to me (and to spend time with his wife and kid) even though he's understandably tired, and has a legit toothache? Or is he making a mountain out of this toothy molehill?