Hello r/AmItheAsshole\-rs,

Ihope this is the right place for my story. I don't want to reveal too many details because I'm certain friends, family and involved parties will recognize this situation. However, I am willing to answer any questions that I can if required.

Now on to the story: there has been a huge blow-up in my life with respect to my family in the last 9 months. I feel my (32F) stepsister (28F) betrayed me, but my stepsister feels I am solely to blame for her actions, the blow-up and resultant falling-out. I agree to some of her accusations, but know that she is just as much if not more to blame for this situation. I know I haven't been the best person 100% of the time to my stepsister, and I am completely willing to apologize for any of my missteps and misdeeds, but the same needs to come from her if we are to ever settle this.

Now, my stepsister has a history of being hot-headed, irrational and a bully. I know this, all of my friends know this, and even my family knows this too. My dad and stepmother want us to reconnect, make up and get along again so that we can have our usual family functions with everyone present. They've made this known and have made various attempts to get us to be friends with no success. My dad and stepmother are planning a holiday party that will be happening in the coming week with a bunch of friends and family coming together - some even coming from other countries. You all probably see where this is going. They want us to hurry up and reconcile and are putting pressure on us both to do this so that we will both be in attendance at this party and behave. I completely understand their desire here, but I feel they are not acting appropriately by trying to force us to make up like children.

Now, I am willing to make some concessions, to apologize and to try to take the steps necessary to repair our relationship, but I absolutely need any apology that comes from her to be because she sees what she did was wrong and hurtful and actually wants apologize. I do not want her to do this because a) she wants to go to a big fun party, and/or b) because her stepmother pressured her into it and/or she just wants to keep the peace as well. I need to to understand that what she did was unacceptable. I lost all of my trust with my her, and I feel that an apology due to either of the reasons would be insincere, and I would not trust her again as a result. I mean, I could pretend to make things right without actually trusting her, but I don't want to act the rest of my life as though I do. I don't want to live a lie, because I know that might eventually come back to bite me in the ass. The family members are asking me to take whatever I can get and if I don't get an apology, that I should just apologize to her and and give her a pass (basically validate her terrible behavior) in order to keep the peace.

So, this brings me to my questions:

1) WIBTA if I politely ask my dad and stepmother to kindly stay out of this and let us sort it out on our own in private and on our own terms?

2) WIBTA if I refuse to cave in just to keep the peace?