Im 17 , I’ve had a crush on this girl for 3 years. She’s ruined me mentally and emotionally. She is very extraverted, and talks to many guys. She’s told me that she see’s them all as friends. With her being an introvert, Id always get jealous. When I told her I liked her and if she would consider dating (after 1 year of knowing her), she rejected and said it wasnt me, she didn’t want to date in high school. So I decided to wait till the end of school. 

I’d been the best person I could to her, I treated her with so much care. But it seemed that she’d never noticed. She’d always hang out with guys that have been assholes to her. I’ve confronted them to her request for treating her like shit. Yet, she’d hang out with them again like they were best friends. Just to clear something, she’s not the slutty type that has sexual needs, she’s quite the opposite and is against things like that. But regardless, Ive never understood this, and my jealousy grew. 

I reached my breaking point when she dated a guy she barely knew that had came to our school for a month  (after me waiting for 2 years to date her). I felt like all the waiting, treating her with so much care, and fighting the pain of jealousy was useless, I was shattered. She never noticed until I told her the relationship was going to kill me (literally) and I had to distance myself. We both go to a small high school (200 ppl), and we are in all the same classes. So I had to see them together everyday. She got mad at me and told me I wasnt being fair and that she still wanted to be my friend...  She didnt help me with my pain and ignored it. A month later they broke up and the guy dated her best friend. I still helped her throughout the breakup. I hated how some random dude could get with her, then proceed to date her best friend, when I’d been my best to her, staying loyal being in a very close relationship with her and her family, and I get this? She told me afterwards she didnt think she hurt anyone when she was with him which completely baffled me. How could a person be so ignorant seeing how much pain their friend could go through. I still liked her, through all my pain and tears and treated her the best I could. She always tells me how she is thankful she has me, and that I am like no one else she’s met, and that I mean so much to her. She’s said shes told me things she’s never told anyone else and that Ive always been with her through her hardest times. But she still hangs out with other people that treat her like shit, and does not seem to care much about me. 

I feel like everything she tells me is BS and I am being used. I’ve had so much pain over these years, worst pains of my life. Yet I still like her?? I always wish I never met her and that my feelings for her would end, but my feelings wont go away no matter how hard I’ve tried. Its like a curse that tortures me every single day I see her. Am I the asshole for not letting go of her?