TW: mental illness.

I’ve been chronically ill for several years, but the last two were my worst. I could count down like, 6-7 mental illnesses, but that’s not the issue here. That’s just for context. 

Straightforwardly putting this, I tried to take my life recently. A little loneliness mixed up with mania, I’d had almost enough. I was scared as hell, I called so many people to just talk to me for five minutes or something, but nobody picked up. I eventually called someone I wasn’t talking to as a last straw, and he picked up. So here I am, writing this.

I eventually told my best friend what happened. I normally don’t involve anyone in my own issues, because I know it can be emotionally taxing. But I wanted her to understand that I’m absolutely desperate and I just need someone, even if it’s just for five minutes a week.

She has her final exams  (so do I), and I feel bad for putting this pressure on her. But to be very honest, I know internally that she has been studying non-stop for 2 years, and has not had time for me EVER in that time (but wouldn’t hesitate to call me when she needed me). She hasn’t even picked my calls up in 2 years. I’ve mentioned it, she says sorry and that she’ll try to be here more. 

I’ve told her repeatedly that if she can’t be there for me, I understand but it’s very tiring to be promised one thing and then continuously being disappointed. But she denies it each time, says she’ll be there the next time. And then doesn’t do it. 

AITA/Am I being unreasonable? 