I stopped talking to him since September after a short outburst (basically me telling him how selfish he is) and I plan to not talk to him at all anymore.

I cannot really process why I just got so fed up with him. He is just so fucking narcissistic to a fault. Even though he has work of his own it’s like his earning is not enough that he takes so much from my mother, to a point that I have to be urged by my mother to actually mediate between them. He would constantly tell us how we are too dependent of him when I don’t even get anything from him. 

I also hate how he would manipulate the situation to make things convenient for him. Example, he lost his key. He would borrow my mother’s card (that you need to present to enter get out of our place easier) even though we will go out too later, because his logic was my mother and I were going out together anyway BUT HE FUCKING KNOWS that you have to show the card individually to get out. So in the end my mother and I had to go the the farther gate to go out while he was able to get out of the shortcut easily. Another example is he would invite us to join him shop or something because if he invites us that means he would have someone to buy things for him (which is my mom) and he would have a companion before he meets his friends there. So once his friends are there already we are out of the picture real quick.

Another thing that made me really furious was he tried to make a birthday gift for our grandmother “shared” so that he won’t spend anything because he knows that I already have a gift for my grandmother. To think that he maxes out his cards all the time for leisure trips, I just can’t understand how he cannot give a few bucks to buy a gift to a relative. And if he doesn’t want to then why not don’t give anything at all?

I also notice how he would make all conversations about himself. Every conversation in the house would just be him flexing about things he has done, whether he passed the language exam, his boss was so pleased at him, his photos were great,  his cooking is delicious, he’s going to a trip to wherever. He’s literally the personification of Instagram. I am not really the talkative type and I kinda understand if people would not talk about my interests (philo, psychology, math) but he does this to freaking everyone. He would just stop talking until he gets to be the main topic again. 

And recently he’s into losing weight, and he really did lose a lot of weight so he became even more proud of himself again. But as someone who has suffered from an eating disorder (Binging, purging, over exercising) I know what it looks like. But unlike me then he was very vocal, or at least he doesn’t know what’s coming out from his mouth anymore. He keeps on denying he tried his best to lose weight and he just did because of a trip, he would always make fun of my mom who is now fatter than him, he would always say things like “Eww carbs.”, “Yuck that’s so unhealthy”. And I don’t know if everyone else in the house is affected but I fucking am because I experienced worse than him. It really shattered my self-esteem (spec. since it was an after-effect from an abuse) and like I am just recently trying to build myself up. Now I don’t do fasting anymore, I eat when I am hungry and I am not beating myself up with too much exercise. But I don’t know, I am so conflicted because he did lose weight. So am I really doing the right thing? Because even though I already got into a normal weight I still have a lot to lose and taking it slow makes me feel like I have to catch up to them. Even my mother is kinda into dieting already. However I learned that doing so much restrictions can backfire on your body and I’ve experienced it too but my brother seems to not experience that even 2 months in and he’s still the narcissistic, likeable bitch that he is. So do I just have no willpower? Am I the wrong one here? I don’t know, it seems like he has his life sorted out anyway because of how great his life is. Maybe I am just jealous?

He was kinda trying to talk to me during Christmas, like when I asked my mom he would answer or basically just fit himself in the conversation but I was like “Bitch, not today” basically. So I just ignored him. Am I the asshole? My mother is telling me to reconcile with him already but I think it is much better to cut off communication because I don’t think anything fruitful would come out of our relationship anyway. From what I see we just have different ways of seeing life and it’s much better if we just don’t talk.


