Throwaway because I don't want this anywhere near my regular account and this is going to require some backstory that will probably be recognizable to anyone that knows me. Buckle up kids, this is a rollercoaster.

My wife and I have been together for over two years, dating for about as long before that. About two and a half years ago, before we were married, we were having issues and I considered breaking up with her. We never really ended up taking a break, but during that time I ended up sleeping with another girl several times, even after getting back together with my now wife. My wife found out and was justifiably upset. I'm 100% the asshole here.

She forgave me, and said she wanted to be with me again, but I later found out that she had at least an emotional fling (she claims they never had sex because she was on her period) with a guy she met on a trip with some of her friends to another country. Then I found out that she had been messaging explicitly with her ex after she had decided to stay with me. Again she claims that nothing actually happened and from what I read of their text messages it's at least plausible that she didn't. Who knows, but at this point I guess we're both awful people regardless. 



A couple months ago I stupidly allowed the same girl from earlier back into my life and restarted my affair. My now wife found out and was justifiably upset.  Again definitely an asshole again, but my wife spent about a month deciding if she wanted to stay with me anymore. We have a house together, share friends, etc. It was a month of me doing everything I could to try to get her to stay with me, sleeping on the couch, letting her have her space, doing everything I could think of to try to win her trust back.

The whole time I had a feeling that something wasn't right, but I definitely wasn't in a position to place blame. Still, I couldn't ignore the feeling and one night I looked at the notification on her phone. There was a text from one of her coworkers which didn't raise too many red flags so I just convinced myself I was being paranoid. Until I asked her who she was talking to and she said it was one of her best girlfriends. Now there are more red flags then a Soviet Union military parade. I demand to see her phone, and after refusing several times she eventually gives it to me and I find out that she has been cheating on me with her coworker since before I reconnected with the girl. Surprise, we're both still shitty people and probably idiots for staying together too.

So now we get to the real reason for this post. As soon as I found out I told her that if we were going to stay together that she had to quit her job. She graduated college not that long ago and had a job that she really hated before this one. This is the first job she's had that she really enjoys and she does well at it and I know how much it means to her. She told me that the department that includes the coworker are supposed to be moving out of the building the first week on the new year which was a couple weeks after I found out. I told her she could stay if that was true. The week before transfer time she told me that the plan had changed and that department with her coworker would be staying. I also find out that she is still in a group chat with the guy and another female coworker after I told her she couldn't talk to him again. 

So we're back to she has to quit. She asks if she can transfer to another location with the same company. I agree she can stay if she transfers to another location. Another two weeks go by because her boss isn't in the office, until we get to two weeks ago. She asks her boss for the transfer and her boss takes a week to get back to her and tells her it isn't possible to transfer. In this time I find out that she is still in the group chat as well.

So now the question at the top of this post. I gave her until this Friday to decide if we're going to stay together or if shes going to find work somewhere else. We are fine financially if she quits and I have even said that she can keep working for at least a couple weeks to start looking for another job. I feel like I've exhausted every other alternative and at this point I'm ready to accept whatever happens, even if it means losing my marriage if she decides to stay at her job. So am I the asshole?

TLDR; I cheat, she cheats, I cheat again, she cheats with a coworker and I tell her she can't keep her job if she wants to stay with me. Details above.