Throwaway, obv.  

Sorry for the poor formatting and long winded post. Thanks for reading:  

My wife told me 3 months ago that she had feelings for someone else, someone that she met through work. I took it hard, but it was also a wake-up call for me to be a better husband and a better person. After a few weeks she told me the feelings for this other person were gone. Fast forward to a few weeks ago and we were both sick on a morning that we had to get our son to pre-school. I fell asleep and woke up to her fully dressed for the day and saying that our son is in school. I said "wow how did you do that when you were so sick?" and she told me that the co-worker she "used to have a crush on" drove our family car and took him to school. I was furious, and got mad and gave my wife the cold-shoulder for a few days. Now last week, our car has a minor repair needed. She tells me "I'm no good with cars" and that her aforementioned crush should take a look at it. I refused and said I know what happened and how to fix it and I will fix it. She then went behind my back and had this guy look at the car. She lied to me and told me she had her dad look at it (she later admitted lying). Mad, but still determined to prove my worth, I fixed the car no problem. The last straw was this weekend. She was at the store and asked me to take a picture of a recipe  in our cookbook. I used the "family ipad" because my phone was dead. The ipad is logged in with her Apple ID, and thus syncs pictures with her phone. When I went to send her the recipe I saw 3 pictures of her vagina close up. I sent her the recipe and said "why do you have pictures of your pussy on the ipad?" I knew that she was sending them to the other guy. She responded "What? Maybe that just turns me on to take those pictures. You don't know how I masturbate anymore". I don't believe her. Then yesterday in our counselling session she admits to having an "emotional affair" with this person and she admits to sending this man pictures of her vagina. I tried to meditate when I got home to calm down but all my brain could think was "go tell this guy that he is messing with the wrong husband and he better back the fuck off". So I did. I did a reverse lookup and went to his house, unannounced. He was home but chose not to open the door after a good 5 minutes of me knocking. I pushed on his front door and it opened. I saw a collection of DVDs on a shelf by the door and knocked them all down and yelled to him "come talk to me like a man. If you want to wreck my home then i will wreck yours". My rational thinking finally kicked in and i realized i better not break anything of value and get the fuck out of there ASAP. My wife called me about an hour later asking me "what the fuck i was doing" and i said "defending my family, and also, fuck you." and hung up. We started our trial separation today. She insists there was nothing physical between them but only her marriage was stopping that. I don't know if i can believe that after her previous lies. I am very calm and peaceful now and honestly going to confront him (doing something about it instead of letting it bother me) felt really good. So, reddit, am I the asshole?