Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : Dad killed in a t-bone collision.  It was a very traumatic situation for all of us.  My mother, wife and I live locally while the rest of the family live very far.  Taking care of things fell on my shoulders.  Not, like, "Diggy, you must take care of XYZ" but more like "Diggy, just make sure Mom's okay."

Court date came for this guy.  Everyone had returned back East, so I went.  It was super quick, over in like ten minutes.  The judge sentenced him to probation, license suspension, and Cal-Trans work.  (road work on the freeway.)  

After court, I followed him outside.  To this day, I don't know why.  I said, 'Hey.  Do you know who I am?"  He turned around and said yes, and he got silent and then said "I'm sorry for your Dad.”  I talked to him for maybe 10 seconds, then I hugged him.  (I feel SO CRINGY thinking about this now)  I told him it's okay, I forgive you, and that was that.  

My family was FURIOUS.  How could I do that?  You were representing the FAMILY!  We all agreed at the funeral we were going to make this bastard pay!  I told them it was the only thing I could think of.  It was too much, and didn't want to hate anyone, I was too tired.  Their reactions ranged from anger to disappointment.  Not one family member was on my side.

My grandfather gave my wife and I $5,000 after the funeral in response to a letter I wrote telling him how dad's death made my life struggle even worse.  This  triggered my family.  I’m a greedy bastard. I was under obligation to share it.  That was not your money, its OUR money.  Grandpa died shortly after the funeral, and it was assumed as the 'last of the family line' that I would distribute it. 

Trying to do the right thing, I went through dad’s mail, found out his bank account info, and accessed it online.  I then did some sleuthing how to get the money out, full intentions of giving it to mom.  I didn't go so far as to contact probate lawyers which was the next step.

When I told mom what I was doing, "that is not your goddamned money, you are a thief and a disgraceful child and are disgracing your father's name" along with accompanying hate from my sisters.

My contact with my family now is so formal to the point of sarcastic, and no amount of explaining or apologizing has made a bit of difference.

If I'm the asshole here, so be it.  