Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : So, I guess I'll start off with background information. I am 21, and transmasculine, or female to male if that term works for you. I have known since I was 15, though was unable to act on it until I moved several hours away, about three years ago. A couple months after I moved, I started medically transitioning, but had some mental health issues, so I stopped for about a year, and have since been medically transitioning again for a year. Now, I've been fully socially transitioned in my life for almost a year at this point, which is pretty easy with my family so far away. I'm what we have termed "stealth". I'm seen fully as male, and nobody knows I'm trans other than my closest friends who have been around me for over a year. It's a very small part of me I like to keep to myself. 

My parents, well, I don't have a great relationship with them. I really do love my mom, she raised me on her own after she seperated from my alcoholic father. She gave me as much as she could when I was younger. But she can be a bit... Narcissistic. She has those tendencies. She takes everything positive, and turns it negative. But she does genuinely love me, and since I live so far away now, our relationship is better, since she cannot control my life as much as she used to.

And she does deserve to know these things about her child. But I'm so terrified of her reaction. Even after all these changes, and meeting several trans people, she still doesn't see it. She still talks about how weird trans people are. My stepdad has said some questionably homophobic things to me as well, assuming I'm a lesbian. They're not great with this, and I genuinely don't know if this would get better with me helping them forward. It feels like I'm coming close to having to seperate myself even more from them, especially after I tell them. 

To the point of the question: there's a fairly large chance I could get top surgery within a year. This is something that is very important to me, and my physical health. I've been wearing what's called a binder, and they are... Somewhat dangerous. They're basically a compression top that goes over your chest. I've been wearing it for 6 years at this point, 7 days a week, for about 8 to 16 hours a day, and it's caught up to me. Back issues, serious shoulder pain. I can't exercise with it on, as that's dangerous, but at the same time, I can't leave the house without it on, for obvious reasons and my own personal mental health. 

I personally think I would absolutely be the asshole, but I don't know if that's my mom talking inside of me. My friends have told me I should just go and do it without telling my family, and I don't know if that's right. I didn't want to post this on a trans forum, because I'd be getting trans related experiences. I already know their answers. I can absolutely give more information if this is not enough. I just am seeking an outside opinion on the matter.