My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months. He often brings up his ex-girlfriend in conversation and at strange times. It always makes me uneasy and suspicious that he still might have feelings for her or be actively talking to her (something that I did upfront ask him about, but was met with reassurance that I was the only one).

The other night, he was sound asleep next to his phone. I’ve seen him put in his password a million times, so I knew what it was. It was so easy to just pick it up and have a look. I had to know if there was something going on.

I found messages with his ex, telling her that her photos were making him “thirsty,” and that he missed her and wanted to meet up with her. I also found messages to his friend, claiming that he has “like 3 girlfriends.” 

I’m so shocked and hurt by these messages, but I know that I have no moral high ground, considering I chose to invade his privacy by searching his phone. I have no idea how to bring this up to him without admitting that I’ve also done something awful and wrong. 

Am I the asshole for snooping? Or was I justified in following my intuition that something was wrong? 