I (35M) was married to my ex wife (33F) for 3 years and together for 4. I’ve been with my current wife (34F) for 8 years and I love her more than words can explain. We have a 4 year old daughter. I have no kids with my ex. 

My wife and I divorced because we eventually found that we were incompatible. I met my current wife a year after our divorce. We got married 6 years ago. 

A few months ago my ex wife reached out to me. She wanted me to know that her brother (46M) passed away. He was battling cancer for a long time. I was still with my ex when we found out. I was pretty good friends with him and kept in touch with him every now and then. One thing lead to another and we were telling each other about our lives. We’ve been talking ever since. 

I do admit that we’ve talked about our relationship and what we could’ve done to fix it. There’s been some pretty emotional conversations. I believe the farthest it has gone is us agreeing that we should have tried harder to work through our problems. I’ve also told her about some of my personal issues I’ve had instead of telling my wife. She has also been emotionally relying on me for the past few months. 

Yesterday, my wife saw our messages. I was never hiding them but I also never told her we were still talking. She does know that we talked about her brother for a little bit. She was crying and went to work without saying goodbye. When she got home she went straight to the guest room and locked herself in there. I’m not sure what to do but I obviously still and will always care for my ex wife. We were married after all. 

I’m not sure if my wife is the asshole or if I am. I feel like she can’t expect me to not care for my ex wife. I don’t think she understands because I’m her first husband.  

