Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : Using a throwaway because I’m not ready to share these feelings with anyone who knows me. 

A little background, I started dating my wife in high school and we have been together for 15 years and married for 7. My wife is the most beautiful, caring, kind hearted, and affectionate woman I have ever met.

About 10 years ago she was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, an Irritable Bowel Disease similar to Chrons Disease, except that it is isolated to the colon. After years of failed medications, we made the decision about a year ago to opt for surgery. 

Surgery entailed removing her entire colon (large intestine), creating a stoma, and attaching an ileostomy bag. With the surgery my wife is now symptom free and happier than I have ever seen her. 

There is a follow up surgery called J-Pouch surgery, where they remove the stoma, create a sudo-colon by stretching the small intestine, and reattaching it to the anus. Our plan is too get this surgery, however, it affects the ability to get pregnant and we also want to start a family. So our plan with the surgeon was to have our kids, and then go for this surgery afterwards. 

This is where the problem comes in. My wife’s biggest fear going into all of this was that I would no longer find her attractive. If I am being completely honest, I had a slight fear of this too, but to me her health was priority 1 and I didn’t want to see her suffer with her disease anymore. To me she was (and still is) the most beautiful woman in the world and nothing would change that. 

Post surgery, I am having a hard time being intimate with her. I do not find her stoma repulsive but it does make me uncomfortable, and things like going down on her (which I used to love) are unpleasant for me now. 

I’m worried that if I share my feelings with her, I will break her heart and strain our marriage, but I’m also not sure how long I can fake intimacy. Everything about our life and relationship post surgery has been exponentially better, minus our intimacy. 

Am I the asshole for no longer finding my wife sexually attractive and hiding those feelings from her?