I have a close friend Bob. We've been friends for almost a decade. We live in the same city now. Since we've not always been together our friend circles have evolved separately. While we live separately we meet every day after work and have dinner together (a fact most of our common friends are aware of). He introduced me recently to a childhood friend of his (John Doe) whom I've met a couple times in social gatherings. John is about to have a baby and he with his wife were planning for a baby shower and looking for venues. On Bob's idea, John and his wife visited my apartment to checkout our Clubhouse as a potential venue and decided to book it for their event. 

This week I invited John to checkout the clubhouse so they can plan their event in more detail which they couldn't do the first time. John and his wife decided to come over to check it out on Tuesday. I invited them to dinner at my house which they gladly accepted. I mentioned about this invitation to Bob when I met him on Monday. Bob was non sure if he should join but I insisted he should. He did not protest my insistence. On Tuesday John decided to move the meeting to Wednesday. I mentioned this to Bob on Tuesday to which his response was not noteworthy/neutral.

On Wed when I talked to Bob, he asked if John knew Bob would be at my house for the dinner. It never occurred to me to mention this to John since I assumed he wouldn't mind if Bob was around for dinner since he is close to Bob. I also assumed he would be more comfortable if Bob was around since this would be the first time me and John (with his wife) would meet in a close setting.

Bob decided not to show up to the dinner because he was not comfortable with the fact that John wasn't aware that Bob would join for the dinner. We had an argument the next day about social norms in general and that if I am inviting someone for dinner they should be aware who else is around.

Bob's point of view:

* He is not comfortable joining for dinner if the other guests are not aware he is going to be around since it feels like he is crashing a party.
* I should not assume what people are comfortable with and make an effort to be transparent.

My point of view :

* Bob and John are close and it was Bob's idea for John to checkout the clubhouse in my apartment to rent.
* John has a general idea of Bob's routine and that we meet daily.
* Bob had 2 days to let me know his feeling instead of throwing a tantrum on the day we were supposed to meet.
* It's my house. I am the one inviting people for dinner. Do I really need to go into details of what social constraints people are comfortable with?
* I think as long as I know two people are on talking terms (not even close friends) I don't really need to try and inform the details of the social setting they are getting into.
* To top it all off, the first question John's wife asked me 10 mins after they arrived, Why's Bob not around and when would he come.

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