Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : INCREDIBLY long post inc. TL;DR at bottom.

  


Two years ago I 'met' this guy, we'll call him... Duncan. So I think it's important to know that Duncan and I have never met in person, but we did always intend to.

Anyways, we hit it off great. More than great. We'd talk on the phone before work/uni and also sometimes during lunch if we were free, then after work/uni we'd call again for a little while. We talked about anything and everything, felt like we could confide in each blah blah and we listened blah blah whatever. So he confesses after a few days or a week and... ok. I reacted in an arsehole-like manner. I basically told him that I didn't think he had feelings cos we barely knew each other blah blah. He was hurt and I didn't really realise at the time but I guess from there things went a bit downhill.

He started to reply less, and then would not reply for days at a time. Honestly I get that people have lives but the dynamic between what we were like before was too great for me to just, not be hurt by it I suppose. We'd agreed to stay friends and stuffs, and both at the beginning were very honest with one another. Blunt honesty, cos that's what we liked I guess.

So I could understand if the reason he didn't reply anymore was for wanting to move on but he never said so and rather agreed to be friends and to be there for each other etc.

Soon he stopped replying altogether. I got incredibly anxious that I had done something wrong, and he'd just disappeared without a trace. I sent him texts explaining that basically, I really don't like being treated like that (ignored for days at a time and not a sound until I message again days later), because it just makes me feel... not worth someone's time I guess, and that I'm going to keep off messaging for a while. He does reply to this, but I didn't want to go back and forth so I just left it.

  


Eventually when I message him again, he doesn't reply. So it's my fault, right? I get it. I apologise over and over, but he was gone by this point.

  


I don't get attached easily, but when I do, I get attached hard. So this plays on my mind constantly until I sum up the courage to message him maybe a few weeks later. He replies, and accepts my apology. We talk again but... It's the same. Ignored for days and feeling like I can't say anything because I'm worried I'm spamming him. Instead of running away this time, I tell him I'm anxious that I'm bothering him, that he finds me annoying, that I'm spamming him etc. Keep in mind, I only texted the guy a couple of times maybe every few days....

So nothing changes and I call him out on it. Then again, silence.

This scenario I believe happens one or two more times afterwards (yeah I'm a sucker for punishment). Now at this point I guess you guys are wondering why I'd be friends with the guy again even after ghosting me like 4 times. Well... I am naive. And though it's my fault I'm extra forgiving to those that I've been attached to, the point of this is to know if I was being an arsehole about it along the way.

So 6 months later after the last ghosting, I get a text from an unknown number. "Hey (: hope you're okay." Well, who else could it be but our favourite ghost Duncan.

My first response is to ask why he is bothering me blah blah. He's telling me how he found my number on his old phone, and I'm telling him he's a douche and I have no idea what he wants from me after every time he's just ghosted me.

He tells me he has no one. He tells me he's really low. Do I bite the bait? You betcha I do. Hook, line and sinker. I apologise for calling him a dick and pointing out all the times he ghosted me and treated me like I was invisible, and said he'd do xyz but never did. I apologised because suddenly I felt bad for him.

We talk and he promises never to treat me like that again, he says all this stuff like how he's so happy to talk to me and such. How he won't just ghost me, that he'll show me his efforts and blah blah. I cared and wanted to be there for him but whaddya know happens? After one day of actually feeling like we were actually kind of friends, he shits on me again.

A girl (his neighbour's friend) had shown interest in him and wanted to head over to his, he agreed, but she never shows. He talks to me about it, and I try to give him other points of views to consider, and told him he should text to see what's happening.

He says "The reason (she isn't here) is a waste of time. If she wanted to be here, she would be." So I try to convince him to just give it a go, you know, how communication and honesty is important? Especially considering he kind of wanted to try a serious relationship with this girl. But silence.

So when our next conversation occurs, I call him out for just going silent again. I told him how it felt like he just picked me up when he needed me (to rant) then threw me away when he was done. I told him he was selfish in the ways he was acting, and that he still has the same traits, the things he told me he wasn't gonna do anymore. I told him that the reason he lost everyone was because he does things like this to people who care about him. I was just so done.

His reply was, to all the above, "You're wrong but okay then. I wish you well, bye." Then blocked me. And that was it. The friendship he so apparently cherished was this easy to snub.

So was I wrong to call him out and confront him, or was I the one overreacting? Was there really any other kind of reaction that this behaviour warranted?

  


TL;DR: Guy I considered a good friend ghosts me 4 times, comes back a 5th time after 6months of NC telling me he has no one, I bite the bait and then he continues to treat me like I'm non-existent. Now gone again (but this time he actually said bye).

  


Sorry for the long post, I'm terrible at writing.