Hi guys. I’m really conflicted here and could use your advice. 

My boyfriend and I have been together since July 2017, and are a great couple. He has a friend group from college, one of whom (Harry) has a girlfriend Alice that he has been with since early 2017. 

In November 2017, he went for a meal with his girlfriend Alice, her best friend Francesca, and another friend. This was before Harry and Alice lived together. After the meal, Alice went back to her house, and Harry got an uber with Francesca. Francesca invited him into her house for a drink, they had sex, and he stayed over. 

Harry told my boyfriend about this, who told me. I was completely torn up at the time, and still am (although it’s recently reared its head again, which I will come on to). Harry and Alice were due to move in together 3 weeks later in December 2017. At the time I had the same dilemma (should I anonymously tell her) but if she had found out, she would have lost her boyfriend/best friend/house at the same time. I decided to take no action as she’s not my friend/it’s not my place. Harry or Francesca never told Alice. 

Fast forward to early 2019. I just heard Harry and Alice are planning to buy a house together, a massive financial commitment which will tie them together forever and be very expensive to get out of. These feelings have come back and I don’t know what to do. 

The emotional part of me says that I should make a fake email account and tell her anonymously. She deserves to know everything so that she can make an educated decision before she enters this financial commitment of buying (so much harder and more expensive to separate than renting). 

The logical part says I should leave it, it’s not my place, I am not her friend, ignorance is bliss in her case, and it would harm my current relationship (my boyfriend would be furious if he found out I’d told her, or I’d have to keep this huge secret from him, something I’m not going to do). There are other people who could tell her and have chosen not to (other friends know as Harry told them).

I should stay out of it, right?

Thanks for reading 
