Is EVERYBODY wrong in the post ? POST : A little bit of background— I’ve been in a day treatment therapy program for the last few months, and got out about a month and a half ago. Needless to say, the transition back to school was rough, and I got the feeling that my friends didn’t like me as much as they did before I left. I’ve been feeling more and more like that, but to be fair I never talked to any of them about that feeling or asked what was going on. 

Cut to a few days ago. I was feeling like no one liked me, and that my friends didn’t actually want to hang out with me anymore. Lunch that day was especially hard. I have chemistry 7th period with a friend of mine who is in that same friend group. We started talking and I began complaining about certain people. She was also participating in this conversation—some of the stuff I said was only to agree with her. The next day, I had a similar conversation with her about the things I didn’t like about some of my friends. Normally, I don’t like talking behind people’s backs, but I was feeling so insecure that it made me feel better in the moment. That’s not an excuse, but thats what the situation was. In fact, I didn’t even agree with or believe most of the things that I was saying, but I said them because they made me feel better in the moment.

I had that conversation with her yesterday, and today everyone was really weird to me at lunch. I felt like something was off, but I didn’t say anything. On the bus home, I told me friend (also part of that friend group) that I felt like everyone hated me, and he replied with “yes, they do.” He told me that the friend I was complaining to had told one of the people I complained about everything that I said, without including her part in it.

Immediately, I texted that friend, apologizing for everything that  I said. I explained to her that I didn’t actually mean it, and that I actually really respected her. I also explained why I said those things. She forgave me, along with another friend who I had also complained about, and they were actually really supportive, saying that if I ever needed to talk they were there.

However, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m a huge asshole. I cried most of the afternoon and barely got out of bed to babysit. I’m considering not going to school tomorrow because I don’t think I can face them. I know I’m the asshole, but to what extent? Should I feel as bad as I do? Hopefully this isn’t a SP. I’m not trying to make myself feel better, but I want to know if what I’m feeling is justified, if I have more apologies to make, and if I should go to school tomorrow.