Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : My(25) best friend(24) and I are very honest with each other and talk about everything. I’ve always kinda wondered why he dresses the way he does but never really said anything outside of occasionally making jokes which we’ll both laugh at. Well tonight I brought it up and what started out as a lighthearted conversation turned into us arguing.

It started with us checking on our lives a bit. Happiness. Stuff like that. We’ve both been struggling with feelings of depression and so when we meet we’ll check on each other’s mental health sometimes. Told him it's the little happy things we do for ourselves that count. Well I used that as a way to ask about his appearance and like usual he rolled his eyes and smiled cause we’ve done this before. I said the whole “when you look good, you feel good” thing and he said “I just don’t care how I look.” This is where things got heated.

I should describe his typical attire for context. I would describe his appearance as that of a middle schooler from the early 00s. Hair that’s long and in his face all the time, some sort of graphic tee with a pop culture thing, baggy jeans and sketchers shoes. This is what I always see him in no matter the occasion. It’s not bad. Like he doesn’t look homeless, he just doesn’t put in effort past the bare minimum.

Anyway, after his remark I told him that it’s not okay to not care about how you look and that he’s 24 and needs to put more effort into his appearance. Well things snowballed from there. It only got worse. I tried to convey to him that his appearance affects other people’s perception of him and how it can actively work against him by putting himself at a disadvantage. Also that it’s about being the best him he can be. He went on about how it’s not important to him and that he doesn’t think about those things and doesn’t really care what people think. Thinks it’s all superficial and shallow. I admitted to him that it is but that’s just unfortunately how people are. We yelled at each other some more. He yelled at me saying “I don’t know why you care so much about something that doesn’t matter.” I told him it’s that I just can’t fathom why someone wouldn’t want to work on something that is entirely in their control that affects how others see them. I tried to get him to see how it can affect his love life or job opportunities. No dice. He said it’s what’s on the inside that counts. I agreed and told him that no one will give you the time of day to see what’s on the inside.

We finally cooled down a bit after a long time of arguing. We kind of reached some resolution. I made sure to enforce that I was coming from a place of love and that I just wanted him to be happy with himself. But we ended the night on not a positive note. I drove him home and we didn’t say a word to each other. I legitimately feel his lack of caring about his appearance is hurting him. But I think I went about it in an asshole way.