Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : My boyfriend and I have two children. His half brother and his wife have one child. 

Their gifts are thoughtless, bad, and cheap (mostly and maybe intentionally for me - dollar store scarves and ceramics, grocery store gift sets for him which are an improvement). We’ve never done anything but be grateful, thank them kindly, and toss them later. I mean who fucking cares, we’re adults and can buy our own crap. 

For this Christmas we asked if we could exchange gifts for just the kids and they agreed. We got their kids a large stuffed Minions toy, a Minions board game, and a kid sized blackboard/whiteboard easel. I cleared the gifts with SIL beforehand to made sure it was okay for their kid and what they needed. 

When they arrived at our apartment, my FBIL handed me a bag and said it was for both our kids - inside was a small handful of peanuts in the shell, an apple, an orange, and three chocolates. The baby was four months and couldn’t eat any of that. I thanked them and made a show of letting kiddo go through it and try to open the peanuts. 

It was only then that I realized we’ve been buying them gifts and they haven’t for at least a year, and also missed some events the year prior. We even gave them two gifts for their first child’s birth because they decided later to baptize him. I had a painting of a lion custom made for him because he’s named after Saint Mark, and the lion is his symbol (or something like this, I’m not religious). My boyfriend considered a painting an especially bad gift for a baptism and reminds me of this often. When I tried to address the Christmas gift with the peanuts by asking if peanuts were considered exotic in the European country where we live, because they are very cheap in the US, he immediately shut that down as meaning mean and petty. 

I don’t believe in keeping track of presents and I tend to give little gifts throughout the year, just because I saw something that reminded me of that person. I honestly did not even notice this discrepancy in gift giving until this last Christmas. We always knew they were weird about gifts - they have not once said thank you for anything we or anyone else has given them. The first Christmas I made cards by hand and the SIL opened it and complained there wasn’t money inside. I thought that was so rude that it was freaking hysterical and wasn’t offended. But I did stop giving them cards in case it raised their hopes and since clearly they don’t like them anyway (without money that is). 

Even though this is my boyfriend’s family, I buy all the gifts. I have poured my money, time, and energy into this, and while I could pressure him to do it, i recognize that it’s easier for me to do than for him and I also enjoy it in a way. I would rather that he put his energy elsewhere in our family. I’m fairly sure that SIL is the one buying gifts for their family. 

She is either deliberately with malice (not impossible in her case) not buying gifts for our kids, or she doesn’t think holidays and birthdays are worth buying gifts for (we’re not close enough to know what she does for her family). Or maybe she doesn’t consider us worth giving gifts to. In either case, it seemed pretty obvious to me - stop buying them gifts and move on from the issue. 

Today my boyfriend mentioned his nephews birthday was next week and we needed to get him a gift. I did not realize until now how undervalued this entire process has made me feel. I spend my time and money buying everyone in his family gifts, and he has never once thanked me for it, he has only ever criticized me when he felt the gifts I chose were bad or not expensive enough. 

When I got upset today he was surprised it was a big deal to me, and didn’t realize I never talked to him about it because he had been shutting me down and criticizing me for being selfish and petty every time I tried to bring it up (but he says he doesn’t remember ever doing that, even as I described instances and conversations to him). He says he doesn’t remember what gifts our children receive from them and they did buy us a book once they we read to them sometimes (cue eye roll here). He says he still wants to buy the nephew gifts this year. I told him I want to buy gifts for his nephew when he’s old enough to tell us what he wants so we can get it for him, and maybe take the nephew with our kids to theme parks or so when they’re big enough. 

But for now I am through spending our finite financial resources on people who don’t appreciate it. AITA here? 