Just looking for some clarity on this situation because it is getting very muddy and convoluted and I can’t think straight about it anymore. 

At my one sisters 18th bday party at a Japanese steakhouse, my whole family came out to celebrate. At the end of the meal the manager came by to say hello and that she hoped we’d enjoyed our meals. when she walked away, my OTHER sisters bf (we are all in our twenties, he is in late twenties) pulled his eyes back and mocked what she had just said, talking in a fake Japanese accent. IN A PUBLIC PLACE WITH PEOPLE RIGHT BY US. It was hibachi so there was a whole row of people facing us. 

I was mortified and so was my other sister whose birthday it was. I told him it was not acceptable. Then we all moved on. (My sister whose boyfriend it was just laughed along with it, which baffled me). 

Two days later I asked that sister via text “how did (her boyfriend’s) imitation at the restaurant make you feel?” to which she replied with an insult totally unrelated about my boyfriend. All hell breaks loose. I say really mean things. I was trying to be nice and lost it and instead went full blown telling her exactly how I felt, that what he did was immature and embarrassing and racist. 

A week goes by. She asks for an apology. I apologized for losing my temper, then followed it up with the fact that I still stood by my stance that she should have condemned his behavior instead of changing the subject to attack my bf. All hell breaks loose again as she replies thanks for the apology BUT I have decided that I don’t want to discuss my relationship with you anymore so you don’t get to ask me about that. 

It devolves into a giant mess of her accusing me of wanting to control his behavior and her reaction to it, and results in him texting me that I am a horrible person and I have no sense of humor and that I can’t infringe in his freedom of speech (he is extremely right wing) and how it was just a joke. Now we may never speak again. She told him literally everything i said, even texts where I was upset after she attacked me and was being very harsh about everything. 

She says it’s not my right to dictate if she approves or disapproves of his actions and it’s none of my business if they talked about it. I say that he can’t be doing that at our family gatherings. He said he doesn’t care if he offends me because I’m a sensitive snowflake libtard, basically. (I’m not, I’m moderate.) Everyone in my family disagreed with what he did and said it was rude. We may never have a relationship again because we can’t agree. 

AITA In this whole mess? I can’t tell anymore. 