This is a long story and it sounds like the most ridiculous life you’ve probably ever heard. But I’m not lying.

Me and my girlfriend of 6 years live together.

The relationship wasn’t healthy, you could say I was borderinh on abusive. She rarely shouts at me but I would frequently shout at her and have a go when I didn’t get my own way or was offended.

We was going through a rough patch and this guy who she went to school asks her to meet up to catch up because he had recently had tried to kill himself. But this guy had tried to kiss her 5 years ago while we were together and she pushed him away and told me she wouldn’t speak to him again. 

She was unsure on whether to meet him or not so she asks her dad and he tells her to meet him but not to tell me.
So she said yes to him and meets him but under the condition that she couldn’t tell me about it because she was scared I would kick off. She justified it by saying I have girl friends too.

Anyway she meets him and they catch up. But afterwards he starts calling her frequently, she stores his number on her phone under the name ‘Olivia’ so that if he texts her I won’t see it because she thinks I’ll go mental.

Our relationship starts to make yet another bad turn and we break up officially but she comes running back to me crying saying she wants to be with me and to make it work. Because it was my birthday coming up I think her exact words were “I want to make you the happiest guy on the planet for your birthday”. We got back together but even though we were only broken up for 2 days but I had downloaded tinder and I confessed to her that I had downloaded tinder while we had broke up.

So after talking me and my girlfriend had agreed to give the relationship 1 last chance and we said if it doesn’t work this time we won’t give it another try.

1 week later I get fed up and don’t see change so I go to her calmly and say “we’ve tried to make things work and we said we’d give it one last chance and we have and it hasn’t worked. “ She objected and said how it can be better, I said “you won’t change to be what I want I do stuff for you and I don’t feel like you do anything back, how many times are we going to restart? I might just get with someone else tonight.” I pause “joking I won’t but it isn’t working is it, come on”

She gets ready and leaves asking me to move the car so she can get out. I say “No” bluntly.  Later on she texts me telling me to let the dog out and I’m blunt with her. She then mentions that I didn’t get the job I went for a few days ago and I texts saying “aw :( better luck next time love you xx” I was trying to be supportive.

I then call her because I noticed she had done the washing and not put any of my clothes in and she had burnt something with the iron. I said to her over the phone “....this is why I can’t be with you, you’ll never change! And don’t come to my birthday”

She’s upset and calls the guy who she had recently met. Asking him if she can come see him. She goes to see him feeling sick and crying. He comforts her and makes a move on her, they end up having sex and she leaves his house and sleeps at her mums.

Meanwhile I’m on a night out with my friends and I end up kissing someone. I come home and sleep in the house by myself.

The next day she returns home and I ask her if we can “make up”. We make up but we don’t tell eachother about what we did.

2 weeks later it turns out the guy she slept with has a pregnant girlfriend and his pregnant girlfriend looked at his phone and saw text messages between my girlfriend and him saying “that shouldn’t have happened” and “I feel sick for doing that”

His pregnant girlfriend contacts me through Facebook asking me if I knew anything about this. I didn’t Ofc so I confronted my girlfriend and she confesses to what happened and said she was waiting for the right time to tell me. Turns out when we sorted stuff out the guy text her again asking her to meet and she declined him. But he had been blackmailing her into sending him a total of £150 after that. With threats like “I need to pay my mate £100 or he says he’s going to tell everyone what happened”

The whole situation broke me if I wasn’t an unstable mess who didn’t know how to find happiness then, I certainly wasn’t now. I have a high rate brain and  I couldn’t function anymore because I was obsessing over being hurt by it and I was having insane mood swings. I break it off with my girlfriend because I can’t handle how I felt and felt like it wasn’t fair to carry on.

1 month passes of us being broken up.

She texts my mum saying how she misses me and every night just wants to send me a text. 
My mum tells me about this and I admit that I’m upset also and I miss her too. So I text her hoping that she’s okay. 

We sit down and have an open conversation about stuff. Out of instinct we end up having unprotected sex. 

We start seeing eachother lightly, to see how things go as friends and if we can move past the past. 

But

She misses a period. I get her a pregnancy test and guess what... she’s pregnant. I know this sounds like bullshit so far, if your still reading this then amen. But this is actually my life, I’ve had suicidal thoughts constantly because I can’t stop over thinking and I’ve considering taking drugs to relieve myself. My brain is constantly exhausted from over thinking everything that has happened, I’m sat here crying while I’m writing this because I can’t decide whether I can make it work or not. It’s become so bad that I can’t hold a though down for more than a day. I’m forgetting stuff all the time and I don’t know what to do.

I don’t want to be like this.