Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : 36M who recently proposed to my girlfriend (33F). We are in town for the holidays visiting her parents who have been very generous to let us stay in their vacation home an hour by car outside of town. There’s a train that goes into town but most days fiancé’s parents will drive us back and forth into town. Some nights her parents will stay in the vacation home with us, other nights they have their regular home in town so they’ll just drop us off at the vacation home at night, hang out for a bit before heading back into town, then come back out in the morning to drive us into town. 

All has been generally fine, my fiancé’s parents are the absolute nicest people and we get along well. But being in my 30’s especially, I appreciate having a little independence. So rather than being driven around by my fiancé’s parents back and forth from the vacation home, I’ve suggested to my fiancé that we take the train to and from town which takes an extra hour maybe each way.

The other day as my fiancé and I were on our way back from town on the train, her parents called her and insisted on picking us up from the next train station to drive us back to the vacation home. I told my fiancé that I much rather just stay on the train and walk, I didn’t like sitting in the back of a car in general, and to let them know we’re ok staying on the train. But despite my fiancé’s efforts to tell them that we’re fine and already on a train, her parents persisted (almost getting angry at my fiancé at one point) so my fiancé gave up and told me we had to get off at the next station where her parents were waiting for us. I was annoyed and unsure how to approach the situation, so just sat silently on the car ride home. My fiancé tried explaining to her parents that they were being controlling and her parents cheerfully apologized, but I could see that they found it strange to be apologizing for what they felt was them just being accommodating.

Then the next day, my fiancé had plans to hang out with her parents for the day so I went over to a cousin’s place in town to spend time with him and his family. Later that evening, my fiancé messaged me to let me know that her and her parents would be coming by at 9 pm to pick me up from my cousin’s to take us back to the vacation home. I asked if they could just drop her off at my cousin’s as we were having a nice time catching up, and her and I could find our own way home later. 

That turned out to not be an option, and again my fiancé’s parents insisted on taking us back. I was again annoyed but conceded, and again expressed my annoyance by not saying a word on the ride home. Her parents tried to act as though nothing was wrong. When we got back to the vacation home they offered me food they had cooked but my annoyance at being treated like a child got the best of me and I just excused myself and went to bed early.

Am I the asshole for wanting a little flexibility with my time and my fiancé’s time when we’re on vacation? I understand that some parents will always see their kids as children no matter how old they are, but I felt especially annoyed when I was forced to cut short my time with my cousin who I only see once a year because it was apparently “bedtime.” On the other hand, I am so thankful to have in-laws who accept me as one of their own, as I’ve had ex-girlfriends whose parents didn’t like me for whatever reason and I’m thankful to be not dealing with trying to win approval. 

TL;DR: On holiday in my fiancé’s hometown. Fiancé’s parents are overly accommodating and can come off as controlling. On the other hand, fiancé’s parents are genuinely the nicest most generous people you’ll ever meet so I feel bad for coming off as being ungrateful for their hospitality. 

