I grew up in a very rural conservative area, went to an equally conservative college then married a nice Christian boy. My life has been the perfect American dream. I stay home, cook and clean. My contribution to our relationship is being a homemaker. I can’t say that I dreamed for much more than this, I am quite happy as my guy comes from a rich family. But, I was constantly getting bored during the day. I found myself watching youtube videos, talking to my parents and taking long baths to fill my time. That is, until I started going to a charitable group that helps kids in under served communities. I met some friends, found purpose and had something to do during the day.

At this charity event, I started talking to this man who is also married. He has a much broader build than my husband and more defined masculine features. Apparently, he has some kids that needed to be taken care of during the day since his divorce. He works from home, so he wasn’t asking for much. More just for a female presence to be there. I asked for my husband’s permission that night if it would be okay to watch for his kids sometimes for some extra money. He was fine with it, no issues and suggested that we invite the man to church with us sometime. After all, men and women can be friends and to suggest otherwise would be sexist.

Anyways, when I go over to his house to baby sit, I have some ungodly thoughts about him. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love that my husband provides an amazing life for me. But it feels like I am taken over with butterflies in certain parts of my body. I have done some research and found out that there are several different kinds of love, such as lust, romantic and friend. I feel like I have friend and romantic love for my husband and lust love for this man. I have not acted on this but I have decided to take myself out of this situation because I feared cheating on my loyal, kind, nurturing husband. I have been feeling guilty about this internal conflict. So am I the asshole for fantasizing about another man while married? 