Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : Warning: very long. TLDR below. 

Ok so before I get straight into it, here's some background. I've (21F) been with my wonderful boyfriend (22M) for 5 years. We have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and are just so happy together. We've done so much to make each other better people, always motivate each other and are much better at communicating problems with each other. We just love each other and our daughter so much. However, his mother hates me basically. No matter what I do, it's wrong. No matter what I say, it's wrong. It's getting so frustrating trying to make this woman happy when I give it my all, only to be told I haven't tried at all to include her or his side of the family. I try harder than her own son does (he really doesn't care about his family, he just doesn't want to hear it from his mother). She's always started drama to mess with us. She tried to takw over holidays to keep my family out of it. She refuses to see her granddaughter unless I invite her myself, which doesn't happen since I work 6 days a week. She gets into my boyfriend's head over silly arguments we have at home, saying those silly things are why our relationship is "failing" even though it's not. We missed a family trip once because I was hemorrhaging and had to stay in the hospital for the night. My boyfriend wanted to stay home with me and our then infant daughter, since the doctor said to just rest at home. He wanted to take over while I rest. Doing so had his mother pit the whole family against me, the "controlling bitch". 

So, we all have a week long vacation with his family during the summer. It's all for their family and friends are always welcomed. Everyone from all over the country comes together to see friends and connect etc. My boyfriend asked his mother last year if we could bring another friend (other than his best friend), who happens to be MY best friend. She's definitely cool with it and said we need to help more financially if we want more people. That's fine, totally understandable.

My best friend is a rather tall, black, male. He's only a year older than me. Here's the obvious red flag to her, which we understand; we're friends over the internet. We haven't had the chance to meet on person, but we talk almost every day for the past decade, over discord, Skype video calls etc. We know everything about each other and have spoken to each others families. My boyfriend also talks with him and they get along so well, which is great since my boyfriend is so introverted and hates social interaction. We wanted this year to be the year we meet my best friend.

We tell his mother and obviously it is unsettling to her that he hasn't met us in person. We tell her not to be worried, with my own parents adding in he's a great kid. My father wants a BCI check, just because he is also slightly suspicious of people online, espically if he's going to stay overnight before we leave for vacation at our house. My friend agrees because he understands. We give my boyfriend's mom the same suggestion and boy does this get fun.

She requests for one as well, but also had gone digging into his Facebook profile without my knowledge. She looks through all his posts, friends, etc. Mind you, he doesn't use Facebook and has been hacked many times, having dumb repetitive posts with dangerous links being posted. We didn't tell her he was black though. She just thought he was some clean cut white kid. As soon as she saw he was black, she was completely against it. She claims his family are all crooks and gangsters and they all live in the hood etc., which is completely untrue. And he is very smart. He's in college on a scholarship. He's more weeaboo than he would ever be gangster tbh.

We get the background check from him. First, it goes through my father, who works in the same field related to criminal background and criminal activity, so he knows what he's looking for. He says it's all legit and sees no history of violence or crime. We then give the paper to the boyfriends mother, who proceeds to say she's seen enough and that paper won't prove anything. All she has seen is his fb profile full memes and weeaboo crap from over 2 years ago. He hasn't been active since literally 2016. She also proceeds to tell my boyfriend that she thinks my friend and are having an affair because of an old fb profile that I haven't used in years, having my friend on that friend list and not having my boyfriend added. I had that profile for online friends I didn't trust back in my anime loving days. Nothing more nothing less. Hell, I don't even remember the password and email for it.

Needless to say she's convinced my best friend is a crook and a hoodlum and dangerous etc. She doesn't want him anywhere near her, after doing what she calls her "detective work" and still expects us to pay for a vacation that we don't want to go on at this point. Both my boyfriend and I said we planned this for a while, with her knowing as well, only for her to change her mind when she found out his race. She didn't even care that it was an internet friend after we said we'd get a BCI from him, it's just the fact that he's black. Anyways, we just find it rude, especially coming from a grandmother who doesn't care to see her own grandchild unless she's "formally invited" instead of. "pathetically asking" to see her.

We're going to set up video call with her tonight. The three of us will be on a video call with my friend, to see if it will help clear things up, but my boyfriend thinks she'll still be prejudice about the whole thing.

So am I the a-hole here??

TLDR: future mother in law allows an online friend (my best friend of over a decade) to be invited to our big family vacation until she learns he's black, continues to stereotype him and call him a gangster. She's rude enough as it is and caused drama all through out our relationship over holidays and my health conditions, our daughter, etc. We really dread the idea of a vacation with her this year unless she stops being prejudice towards our friend. 