Last year we had our daughters 3rd Birthday (bout a year ago). We decided to do it on a Sunday night (6pm) at a local restaurant. I was called by my mother a week or so prior and was told that she wasn't going to be able to attend as she worked the next day and with the drive (90 mins) it was a bit late for her. I told her that was fine. She was going to be babysitting for us maybe a week so she could se her then. 

On my daughters Birthday we video called my mum and she said that she had a small party planned for her with cake and decorations. i told her no. I don't want my daughter having multiple birthdays multiple cakes and I believe that this can lead to kids getting a sense of spoiled entitlement. I don't believe in make up events.

My mum got very offended with this. Said that we excldued her from the event as we knew that she would not be able to make this time we set of 6pm with work the next day. Thing is, we put it on the sunday night as it was the only time I could get when EVERYONE could theoretically make it. We eventually got over it a few weeks later.

Then we come to now. Next event is easter. I'm a shift worker and on night shift ending with me finishing at 7am on easter morning. Partner said that we should just do a dinner at our place, she would cook a roast and invite our parents and sisters. I said fine and sent out a message saying to come for dinner.

Few days latter mum messaged me asking if it could be an lunch instead as dad was flying back at 7pm and were a hour from the airport. I've messaged back the following 
"I'm not sure whta time dinner will be ready but I don't think itll work earlier than 5:30. that sounds too late, you guys are of course welcome to come earlier. And we can have some snacks and stuff"

few days later she told me she doesn't think that they're going to make it. I asked why and she said that it was a long way to drive and that I should have a good think about who's getting excluded at these events.

I've told her I was on night shift finishing early that morning and thats why I didn't want a big event at my house that early but she just told me to think about who was getting excluded again (I assume she was refering to my daughters Birthday)

I really don't think im excluding anyone. Yes I'm sad that Dad can't come due to his work but its impossible to fit everyone in sometimes when he's down for 1/4 weeks. I do try to come down when my roster permits while he's down (though when i spoke to him he didn't mention it so I don't even know if he minds as such). I put it on easter's date and I put it at the time we could do. I don't really know what else I could do. 

I guess I could have messaged around to see what times work for everyone but If I put it at lunch time id be finishing work and getting maybe 3 hours sleep or so before I was up helping get everything ready....dinner means I get a decent sleep and still help.

AITA for not making this a lunch?
