I’m 24 and currently in grad school. My friend, who’s 23, got engaged a few months ago and married officially in December. She had to get married early since she’s in the military and wanted to get reassigned with her fiancé, and there was a deadline coming up. She did have a few family members and such at the December wedding, but now she’s having a larger “wedding” and reception in April. We were pretty close in high school. We competed in the same sport, took very similar classes, and hung out with the same people. I wouldn’t call her a best friend, and she wouldn’t call me one either I’m sure, but we spent a lot of time together over the course of 4 years. Since graduating, we rarely speak. We might see each other once a year around Christmas, but other than that we never talk. Nevertheless, I received an invite to her wedding about a month ago and RSVPd “no”today, explaining that I can’t really afford to go right now with a graduate student salary. Part of me thinks that there will be so many people at the wedding that she won’t even notice I’m not there. The same part also thinks that she’s only inviting me because she feels like she has to. Another part of me, however, feels really shitty about RSVPing “no” because her inviting me suggests she does want me there and isn’t just inviting me to be nice. (There really isn’t a point to niceties anymore since we live so far away from each other and have no need to maintain a relationship). 

Aside from not feeling like we have a strong enough friendship for it to matter whether or not I go, I’m also not in a great position to attend. Money is tight since I’m in grad school. I have some saved up so could technically attend, but it would be a huge hit that I’m not entirely comfortable taking (with hotel, airfare, transportation, and a gift it would cost around $800). It’s also the end of my first year in school, and mid-April is right when finals will be starting. I need to do well in these finals in order to prepare myself for my comprehensive exams that will take place shortly after finals. Taking a weekend off doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I’m worried about doing too much and burning out when it counts.

Basically, I feel like I have conflicting responsibilities. I can either be financially and academically responsible and not attend, or I could take on the responsibility to be there for an old friend on a day that means a lot to her (without knowing whether or not my presence means anything at all). Ultimately, I feel like it’s more  important to focus on studying and being financially secure than attending the wedding of a friend I rarely speak to anymore. AITA for deciding not to go? 