I’ve been with my girlfriend now for a little bit over a year and about 2 months ago she moved in with me. Before I met her I was in my best shape, going to the gym about 6 times a week and eating healthy. Since meeting her my gym time began to dwindle and my eating habits got worse. A part of it was spending more time with her and less at the gym, and she doesn’t have the best eating habits so I felt it was ok to loosen up my own eating habits. 

When we first began dating I explained to her that my next goal in my profession was to obtain a license. The licensing process for my profession is incredibly difficult and can often take up to 3 years to complete with study time and all. I took 2 of the exams before meeting her, but failed, and it discouraged me which is why I began getting really into fitness. Throughout our relationship she always encouraged me to study and begin taking the exams again. It was hard to find the motivation to study because I already work 45 hours a week and studying for another 2 hours every day for the exams was the last thing I wanted to do. Once she moved in and I realized our relationship is progressing, I felt now is the time to study again as I want to pass these exams before we start a family. 

For the last month I’ve been studying every day for about 1-2 hours a day. At the same time my responsibilities at my job grew and they have requested I put in a little extra time. On any given weekday I’m spending about 10-12 hours within my profession, this includes my actual job and studying for the exams (which she’s encouraged me to do). I am also trying to find a schedule that will let me get back into the gym because I am not happy with my body. 

My gf has been unemployed since moving in 2 months ago and has just now began the process of job searching. So most of the day she stays inside cooking or cleaning. Last night I came home after a 12 hour day of work and studying and I mentioned how studying after work is better for me so I am going to try to incorporate the gym into my schedule before work. She got upset and said that I don’t spend time with her anymore and that all this studying, work, and now possibly gym is taking up my time and I’m not scheduling time for her.

I had a feeling this would happen eventually once she realized how incredibly time consuming it is to study for these exams. I explained that to block out time for her we should dedicate a day in the week for a date night. We also spend the last couple hours of the day watching her tv shows together. I have no interest in her tv shows so I sit with her in the living room so that we are at least together. 

I told her this is how it’s going to be for a little while as I want to pass these exams and find time to get back into my hobbies, such as fitness, because it helps keep me happy. Am I the asshole for wanting to spend all this time to work on myself?  