Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : I went through the rules, and I don't know if this counts as a validation post or not. I'm genuinely conflicted and I want to know because it's been on the forefront of my life for so long, and I can't tell if I am the asshole. I tried asking my close friends, and they didn't know either, so this is my last try for an answer.

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**\[This is REALLY long, so I put a TLDR at the bottom if you don't want to read through all of this.\]**

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My family's been making me uncomfortable for the majority of my life, from the youngest date I can remember, my mother and aunt used to touch me and tell me "how much I'm maturing so quickly" in a bit of a creepy way, I told them I was uncomfortable with it a few years back, and they thankfully stopped, but not after bouts of complaining and calling me oversensitive, especially since it's something that happens in the entire family. My aunt in particular didn't stop for weeks after I told them to, continuing to do it even in public when I was still barely a preteen.

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I haven't had much issue about that since then, I understand where they're coming from, especially since they believed it wasn't too serious, but I still get extremely uncomfortable whenever they come near me, my brain automatically tells me that they're going to do it again, and it sends me into a panic. They noticed it pretty early on, once at a dinner table I had gotten the same panicky feeling before we came to eat, and my mind subconsciously told me to minimize my presence as much as possible to avoid them noticing me out of a weird fear, my mother noticed this and proceeded to bash me for it, calling me weak-willed and oversensitive, saying I have to grow up already when I was just around 10-11 back then.

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And not only that, they also constantly belittled me for multiple things, they were both insecure about their weight, so they started calling me fat and saying I shouldn't eat or I'll get fat and nobody will love me, I ended up having a period of fear that I was actually getting overweight, and my mother noticed this and claimed that if I dared to diet without her knowing, she'd make it one of the things I'd end up regretting most. After I had a breakdown because of it, my mother stopped calling me those things, but she still threatened me because she thought it was the only way to prevent me from becoming anorexic, claiming stuff like "dieting and not eating only makes you fatter, so don't even bother."

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She used everything I held dear against me, she would threaten me with closing all contact with my friends if I wouldn't do exactly as she said, going to the point where she would take away my only coping mechanisms as a way of making me listen to her. She would insult me for my choice in friends, saying that I only talk to Asians \[mostly because we live in an area where there are many of them compared to other ethnicities.\] and that I should go be friends with people from my country instead of the ones I've had since fourth grade just because of their ethnicity. I trusted her enough to tell her about my issues with mental health, mostly regarding how I viewed myself and how I felt. She would always ignore the problem, even when I was 11 and crying my eyes out because I wanted to kill myself. I told her twice before then that I wasn't happy with living and she never actually did anything. I stopped trusting her with my own thoughts and emotions because every time I told her about my interests or how I felt, I would always get backlash for it.

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She ended up noticing how little I trusted her, and she blamed me for it too, saying it's my duty as her child to be nice to her just because she brought me into the world, and that she's always been good to me because of everything she's bought or said in the past. Even my aunt said these things too, one of my worst memories was during one of my breakdowns when my aunt told me I was being ungrateful and that I should be happy with my parents because they let me on the internet, even if they're constantly saying these things to me. My dad is much better than my mother, but during that period of my life, my dad was overseas for a family issue, so it was just me, my mother and my aunt.

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During this period, both my dad and my mom's health was declining, with my father having a genetic disorder that almost killed him and my mother having an issue with her estrogen production, because of this, she started practically begging me for support, hugging me constantly even if I told her I didn't want to \[mostly because I was still uncomfortable with her touching me after the years she spent inappropriately doing it\], I remember living most of my childhood in fear of her, whenever I did something wrong, I would instantly start crying out of fear that she would get mad at me and hurt me, despite how she never actually got physical with me. She did threaten getting physical to shut me up, but she never actually did it. She again noticed how I reacted whenever she was mad at me for something, since I was basically having a panic attack whenever she did get mad at me, and I remember one night where she tried to get me to argue with her by threatening me with my friends and my safety again, it ended up in me panicking even more, to the point where I could hear her call me slurs and names from the living room.

That last point in particular happened a lot, whenever I did something wrong, I'd run and hide in my room, but I could still hear her calling me a donkey or a little lying bitch  "just like my father", it was mostly in my native language, and it is hard to translate, especially since I barely have any recollection of the event because of how horrified I was.

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After all of this, it ended with me being extremely distrustful of my family and my friends, my mind was in constant fear that others would judge me or react to my issues the same way my family did, whenever someone got mad at me, I immediately buckled under the pressure and gave up trying to argue, even if I knew I was correct. My mother started getting all nice to me, saying she loves me and coming for hugs and kisses and giving me what I wanted, even when she didn't give me that attention through my childhood, yet I still can't let go of the mark she left on most of my childhood and preteen years. I can't quite let go of it, and it resulted in me becoming distant from them, she often shames me because "I hate her despite everything she's done for me." AITA for not being able to let go of the things she did before?

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**TLDR**: My mother and my aunt were both extremely insulting and demeaning to me, making fun of my weight, preferences and choice in friends, as well as physically inappropriate for my early teen years, with the addition of threats of physical violence, and it left a large mark on my life and perception of others, to the point where I frequently panic at the thought of people reacting the same way they did. Recently, my mother's been extremely nice and giving me loads of physical affection, even when she didn't do any of that through my childhood, yet I still can't let go of the things she did and said through most of my childhood and early teens, I don't trust her or have much love for her, ending up in me being more distant from them. AITA for reacting like this?