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My brother and I have had a tense relationship since we were little. I was a typical snitch and he was a typical bully. As we got older our relationship became more faceted and I think his hatred for me grew deeper. I can only assume he hates me based off of what he's said to me, and I can't really blame him. I was the nightmare little sister, his parents were divorcing as he was in the womb and he was only about a year and a half old when his dad remarried to his step mom and had me. I know it must've been hard and with two parents bidding for his love with video games, and tech, and toys rather than love it would've hurt.

I always knew he hated me, ever since I was little I could play with him, and I can still interact with him, it's just I know he hates me, it's always been a part of our relationship.

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One day my dad announced we were going to the beach and I had an anxiety attack, it was the first time I'd ever had one which made it scarier and it was because of something that had happened the last time I was at that lake. We called the trip off, I didn't intend for this to happen I just knew I'd never go back to that lake again. After this was decided my brother walked into a room I was in and proceeded to tell me that I was ruining the family and was the reason our dad had depression. He told me he knew I would just go crying to our mom and that I shouldn't tell her what he said, I didn't for a long, long time.

My brother came into me and my cousin's at the time room to tell me that he was such a good person, because he had so much dirt on people he could ruin anyone's reputation at any time and he didn't. I mentioned to my cousin after he left the room that what he said was something a sociopath would say (I know that's mean spirited but at the time I was just in a bad mood and wanted nothing to do with him.) He came back into the room to tell me that he was so empathetic he knew exactly what people wanted to hear and he knew how to destroy people as well. He told me I was extremely unempathetic and it showed, I'm someone who prides myself on compassion, so hearing that hurt and I'm still afraid to this day that he was speaking truth.

My brother came home from his mom's one day and gave me a hug telling me he learned that he should appreciate family, but the hug felt empty, it was like it was just there for show and I'm still not sure if I'm just paranoid or not, I just know I can still feel his contempt for me. (P.S I can't remember if the 2nd paragraph incident occurred before or after his supposed revelation about family.)

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Sorry this was so long

I've vented to my friends about his issues before, speculating that the trauma combined with his behavior, and the fact that our dad has NPD might be a sign of a personality disorder, I have a therapist I just sometimes can't hold it in, and that's my fault.

So AITA for speculating that my brother might have a personality disorder?