Recently, My boyfriends ex wife's boyfriend was shot to death. Lets call her Mellie.

Mellie is also pregnant with deceased bf's baby. 

Lets call my boyfriend Grant.  Mellie divorced Grant. Grant was devastated and was depressed because not only had he just lost his father and best friend ( they both died) he now lost hiw wife. 

We met a year later and started dating. Its been a bit over a year now and things are well. But my anxiety has me so fucked up i cant think right right now. 

Anyway, I was there when Grant received this news from his mother (who is friends with mellie on fb).

We were both devastated. Its very fuckin tragic. Now, I was not comfortable with Grant reaching out to mellie. Grant knew this and told me he didnt want to cause anything between us if he were to reach out to her. Besides, there isnt really anything that he can do for her. But later in the day he came to me with a heavy heart and told me he was going to reach out to her. He told me he didnt want to throw away what we have, cause what we have works and that hes happy but that he just needed to tell me what was on his mind.

I didnt like the idea because of my anxiety. It can get pretty bad. We talked, and eventually I had to put my feelings aside and told him he should message her and send his condolences. I asked him to be very transparent with me, tell me what they talk about. He agreed and said thats fine. She didnt say much and conversation ended pretty quickly. I thought that was the end of that and I felt fine.

 He texted me today saying he reached out to her again, and now Im afraid that itll come down to him wanting to see her.

I was kinda pissed... i mean its obvious shes a wreck but she has a support system, her family, her deceased bf's family and her friends. He said he just wanted to make sure she was ok. 

I really think its going to come down to him wanting to see her. This isnt respecting my boundaries and its something i dont think i can handle, given my anxiety. I feel like feelings will rekindle, and i just dont want him to be her emotional support... I know that shit isnt rational but my mental health is important to me and i dont think i can handle that. I just wish his past would stay dead.  I would understand if they had kids together, but there is nothing tying them together. Were talking tonight and i just dont want to say some dumb shit. 

For fucks sake, she left him during his darkest times, why should he be there for hers? 

so am I the asshole for not wanting him to be there for his ex wife? 