Is NOBODY wrong in the post ? POST : I’ve never really posted, so please be gentle if I misstep.

I am a 40 yo female. I have a 30 yo male friend who I’ve been close to for near a decade. We’ve never been romantic, nor even entertained it. He started dating a wonderful young woman about two years ago. He has two children from a previous relationship. He is a loving but inconsistent father and provider for his children. His work requires frequent international travel /long period away or overseas and can be inconsistent. 

So, after he introduces me to his new gf we get Along great. Really like her. Kind, a good heart. She reached out to me often, though most often when things are bad or difficult in their relationship. She gets frustrated about his lack of reliability and lack of planning, and he gets upset with what he sees as her unrealistic expectations about finances. (Wanting trips, designer things)

Despite the many concerns and reservations she’d expressed, they moved in together about a year ago. Also bought two cars. Got some pets. All in.  But always late on rent and bills and unstable, which was a big cause of tension between them. At any rate, She’d joke alarmingly regularly over the last few years about wondering if she might be pregnant. Recurring theme. To the point I sat her down several times to ensure she understood science and that if she kept this up she would without a doubt end up pregnant. She didn’t like birth control because it made her moody. 

Anyhow title says it all in the summer time they told me she was pregnant. I’ve known him for much longer, and he told me first. He was excited. Wanted to marry her first and asked for help with a baby shower. (Rediculous to plan that so soon but still cute). 

Then she tells me. And she’s not so sure, for very valid reasons. I don’t disagree - they are not at all ready. He’s not properly caring for the two he already has and bills are a struggle and things are rocky. We talk a lot. She decides to give herself a week to make a decision. And ultimately decides to abort. When she told me that I was very, very clear that I supported her decision but that she needed to tell him and he deserved to know. I fully thought she would.

But she did not ever tell him. She told him she miscarried while he was away for work for about a month. He was really sad. 

And I am so confused about it I’ve just backed away from both of them. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him, but know it’s not my business to tell. And I’m angry with her for putting me in a position where I’m expected to hold such a very big lie for her, from my friend who I knew far before her.  It makes me distrust her, knowing she can lie so easily about something so big. Again, I actually think she made a sound decision, but I think lying to him was unfair and wrong. 

Am I overdramatizing this? Should I just let it go, am I being a jerk? Is it fair for me to feel angry and distrustful? What would you do in this situation? 

