Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : Some backstory:
TL;DR: my sister has been milking her son’s death for sympathy and pity points in arguments for 2 years, even let his dog die so she could get more sympathy.

During my nephew’s life, my sister showed little interest in him. She would threaten to kick him out when all he wanted was for her to spend time with him as much as she did with her younger kids. She told people multiple times she wished he wasn’t around so she could “get some peace and quiet”, to the point where she actually begged my mum to take him from her, but not the other 3. The amount of times he would come to me, sobbing, that he wished she’d loved him was heartbreaking. All he wanted was love and understanding, but no one seemed to give him it. She encouraged her younger children to be cruel to him. They’d all ignore him, be violent to him, and call him names whenever he spoke back to my sister, and she didn’t care.

When he got diagnosed with diabetes when he was 17, on my 18th birthday, my sister suddenly started “caring”. She would make him do his insulin shots in front of people - she did this at my birthday party, he wanted to go to the bathroom and do it in peace, but she wanted him to stay there to “make sure he was doing it right”, all whilst she accepted all the sympathy offered towards him. After a while, people stopped offering her sympathy, and she lost interest in her son again. 

A year later, after he’d seen me go off to university, he decided he wanted that, too. When he told my sister that’s what he wanted, she mocked him and told him she wouldn’t support him in doing what he wanted to do. He did it anyway, and a day after he’d gone to uni she’d removed his bed and any belongings he’d left behind, and threw them away. He’d gone to the same uni as me, and I told her “but he’ll be back home again at Christmas, we can’t stay there” she said “well he can have the couch before he goes back”.  He didn’t end up coming back for Christmas. He only made it 3 months until he died, alone, in his uni bedroom, 2 years ago today. 

When he died, she suddenly started acting as though she were the most attentive and caring mother in the world. She would refer to him as “my blue-eyed boy”, a name she never referred to him as when he was alive. She would post about him all the time, which slowly became clear it was attention and sympathy she was after. 

I know that, as shitty as she was, she is still his mother. Of course she’d be devastated, especially as she was the one who found him a day after he’d died. I admire how she knew something was wrong, in all honesty. He hadn’t been on Facebook in over 24 hours, something very unlike him, so she went to check on him. So I guess she wasn’t all bad. But I still seethe with anger whenever I see her post yet another status about how he was her world, as she simultaneously threatens her other kids with homelessness if they put a toe out of line, encouraging them to bottle up and hide their emotions, so now it’s coming out in drug abuse, running off to other countries, and her youngest son is now refusing to go to school at all - she’s encouraging that, it means she can keep him under her longer if he has no friends. 

She’d used him as a weapon all his life, threatening people with not being able to see him if they did something she didn’t approve of - like my mum saying she didn’t trust my sister’s husband as he was engaged to someone else who’d just had his baby when he left her for my sister, never wanting to look after his other son again. My sister revoked all access to my nephew, didn’t even let my mum see him when he was born. She even told my mum to come see her at the hospital, then left before my mum could get there and refused to let her into the house. It got harder to do that once he got older. We were inseparable, so he’d ignore her when she told him he couldn’t come see me because she’d have an argument with my mum and decide she didn’t deserve to see her grandkids. 

When he died, it became very apparent she was going to use him as a weapon again. When she caught me smoking, she’d say “what would ryan think?” (He also smoked, sometimes with me). If she was ever losing in an argument, or when she was called out on her shitty behaviour, she’d start crying and say “you don’t understand! I’ve lost my baby!”. 

I had an argument with her early this year. We were planning my mum’s 60th birthday party, a surprise for her, and me and our other sister were sorting out everything, whilst she just had to get people’s orders for the restaurant. She was in a shitty mood, and I had jokingly called our brother a nob. Not the harshest thing I’ve called him, and he has said a lot worse things about all of us. She immediately starts on at me, calling me a lazy bitch and yelling at me for being mean to my brother, a man almost 20 years older than me and who didn’t care if I called him a nob. I told her to calm down, and that she was taking things way out of proportion. She said she was stressed, and that she didn’t want to go to my mum’s birthday party anymore and I said “we’re all stressed, but it’ll be worth it when mum sees the effort we put in, so calm down and stop being selfish”. That set her into a tirade of insults, and her only rebuttal was that I was being unfair calling her selfish after her son had died. I got angry and called her out on using my best friend to guilt me into backing down over an argument she started. And that ended our entire relationship. 

We stopped talking for months. She made my fiancé’s life a living hell at work, causing his mental health to deteriorate which lead to him needing time off for stress under his doctor’s orders, which he was subsequently fired for. She bitched about me to everyone, sending the texts I sent her but conveniently cropping out the texts that made her look bad. All this time, I was petrified she’d delete me off my nephews Facebook - which she’d done to our sister to punish her for doing drugs. I use my nephews Facebook to message him when I really miss him, so losing that would have be agony for me. She finally tried to start talking to me again back in the summer because I had lent her £200 for an operation on her sick dog. I didn’t want to make amends, I just don’t want a dog to suffer because of an argument between me and her. It didn’t matter in the end, as she let my nephew’s dog, a gorgeous black lab he had loved and cared for until the day he died and who loved him and pined for him when he didn’t come back from uni, suffer for months and months. She had a tumour on her belly, but she kept her hidden enough that by the time we saw it we knew it was too late for her. We tried to get her to take her the vets, but she refused, and Maisie died a few weeks ago. Of course, that meant my sister could post about how “Maisie’s with Ryan now, our precious little girl 😢😢” on Facebook. 

My problem:
Today we’re meant to be spending the evening at my sister’s. I don’t want to be around her and her hypocritical grief and her desire for sympathy. I want to mourn him on my own, away from her so I don’t cause an argument or spend the entire day seething with anger. I can’t forgive her for the argument we had this year, I can’t forgive her for treating my family like shit, and I can’t forgive her for neglecting her dog in favour for the 4 others she has. I told my mum I don’t want to go, and my mum is angry at me, saying I’m selfish for not wanting to support my sister on this tough day. I’m happy to be civil when I must, but today I cannot. Today I don’t have the strength to push that all out my mind. I just want to cry for him in my own time and in my own space, away from her.

So, Reddit, AITA?