Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : I’ll keep this as brief as possible but it’s somewhat complex. Apologies in advance for the length and any mobile formatting issues. Throwaway for obvious reasons.

My main group of friends is made up of lots of siblings from numerous families, interspersed with best friends who’ve married brothers from the same family, siblings marrying best friends’ siblings, younger siblings growing up and integrating. Nothing weird but I describe us using a diagram! We span in age from around 29-48 or thereabouts.

I recently went on a three week holiday (I’d never been away for longer than 10 days previously), to the other side of the world to see some of my family. Brother, sister in law (who’s also my best friend), niece, nephew, father and sister. I had a decent size suitcase but realised about two weeks before leaving I had so many presents for them I was going to be hard pushed to fit in enough clothes etc. They moved over this time last year so I had a backlog of birthday and Christmas presents to top up.

A few months ago a friend had asked me if I could take a couple of t shirts and little bits for the kids (my sister in law is also one of her best friends and their children are friends). I said sure, of course.

A week before my flight her sister (another friend) came to my place for dinner and a catch up because she was going to flat/cat sit for me while I was away. She’s been living at home saving up a deposit for her own place and although I knew she was doing me a massive favour she’d also said that she was looking forward to a bit of privacy and independence. I lined up a weekly cleaner, wrote three pages of notes on anything and everything and cleared drawers and wardrobe space for her. At this catch up she handed over the ‘little bits for the kids’ which her sister had given to her, which turned out to be a pretty hefty box, 30x25x6 cm, weighing 2kg and stuffed with  shirts, books, cards and toys.

I felt actual dismay at the size of it. But I sat down with the friend I was going travelling with and we tried to work out if we could fit it all in. We just knew we couldn’t so she texted and said we’d both tried but we couldn’t manage it and we were really sorry. Let me make it clear that this was a shitty move on my part - I should have texted myself. It wasn’t a deliberate dodge but as I discovered later when I saw some of the messages the friend with the parcel had sent about me I realised I’d fucked up and said I was so sorry, I didn’t think, we were together when we sent the text and it was a total brain fart.

Anyway, prior to this realisation, the friend whose box it was sent me a series of escalating text messages. Things like it was a waste of clothes and books(?), how could I leave for my trip having done that to her (I hadn’t left and wasn’t due to for 5 days), that I would have been welcome to take it all out of the box and fit it in that way etc. I assured her I hadn’t left yet. But I also said it wasn’t just the box, it was the weight and bulkiness on top of the rest of the stuff I was taking. I said I was really sorry but I’d had to ask my mum to take back a present she’d given me to take over as well. I was going to be hard pushed to get enough clothes in there! I sent her a photo of my case and she asked if I could just take the birthday present for nephew (a t shirt and a book) and the letters/cards from her and her kids, she’d post the rest, and I said yes, no problem (I’d left enough space for this - i.e. what she’d originally requested). Silence, no acknowledgement, nothing. So I just packed them and took them.

After arriving I saw the messages she’d been sending about me to the friend I was travelling with. As mentioned, as soon as I did I apologised for passing the buck and not telling her myself, because it was clear she was upset about it and I knew I’d messed up. I also confirmed that the kids had been given the present and cards etc and they’d been received with thanks. But in her messages she was also ranting about how irresponsible I am and (the really upsetting part) that she thought it was the ‘least I could do given her sister had agreed to cat sit for me’. 

As another layer of fucked-up-ness her sister then didn’t turn up the first day of cat sitting so my neighbour had to step in. Sister texted me at 7pm the evening before my morning flight asking me to put the autofeeder on as she wouldn’t be there until the day after she was supposed to come. After that, she barely replied to any messages until I texted her sister apologising, after which she switched back to normal. She’s not a slow or sporadic texter usually and this was not just a coincidence. I have no problem with sisters confiding in each other and having each other’s backs but I feel like my poor bloody cat shouldn’t have to suffer for it. His feeder only runs for 24 hours and it was going to be 36 by the time she got there. He’s also an indoor cat and gets very lonely without company :(

Now I feel like either a) her sister isn’t actually the friend I thought she was or b) she is and this girl is overreacting, manipulating and lashing out or c) I’ve been a shit friend for letting her down on the parcel in the first place. When I texted her apologising for the brain fart I mentioned I’d seen the texts. She came back to say ‘Thanks for clarifying. Don’t worry about it.’ So she knows I’ve seen her saying pretty awful things about me, she knows I’ve seen that she said her sister, someone I consider a friend in her own right, was only helping me as a favour to her. But she clearly believes she’s justified in saying those things and that she’s done nothing wrong. She didn’t thank me for taking the things I did end up taking.

Just as an aside - the destination country was Australia and I was departing the UK, both of whose postal systems are extremely good. The parcel would’ve made it no problem. Her husband makes a lot of money in finance and she is a stay at home mum. We’re both around 40 (too old for this stuff imo but maybe that’s me being the asshole).

Also, photo of my suitcase (pre-clothes packing) attached. Her parcel is on top with the ribbon.

https://imgur.com/gallery/nV8CnJe

AITA? I don’t know what to think and it’s really playing on my mind. Should I have tried harder to fit her stuff in? Am I wrong to expect an apology for her behaviour when I’m the one who let her down? 

Thank you so much for reading if you’ve gotten this far and apologies if it’s a bit confusing! I’m confused myself tbh... :/