Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : My fiancée and I have been together for three years. When we first got together I really made an effort to connect with his then 12 year old daughter. Her mother is a chronic pot smoker who already had grown up children when (let’s call her Poppy) unexpectedly came along. I think out of a “been there done that” sort of mentality, her mother has never really put in much effort with her. 
Her father works full time and weekends to help support his daughter and to pay child support to his pot-addled ex-wife. As a result of this, he’s always done everything for her and she’s never really learned how to do things for herself. 
Over time it felt like the more I tried to help this kid, the less she was interested. I would take her to movies, classical music concerts, try to teach her how to cook, even things like how to put petrol in a car. 
I get that she’s a teenager and laziness is completely normal but she just doesn’t seem to have any motivation or interest in doing anything. 
I hate to say it but a few people have acknowledged that she doesn’t do a lot for the dumb blonde cliche. 
She goes to a less than average public school that I realised when she was 14 had allowed her to get through without being able to pick up the basics like how to spell “Wednesday”. She once (via text) asked if nachos were something that could be “makon” for dinner. I contacted her school principal, alarmed at her lack of literacy skills and he said that they were aware of the problem and had been testing her reading levels every six months. He acknowledged that in the last test, she had been ill but wanted to go ahead, at almost 15 years old she had the reading level of a six year old. She’s now in the tenth grade and continues to come home every day saying she doesn’t have any homework. I can’t tell if this is a lie or if the school isn’t pushing them on homework. Either way, she loves the school and I suspect it’s because she’s not pushed very hard to learn. 
It appears that neither of her parents have ever been to a parent/teacher meeting (one due to lack of interest, the other due to having to work), and so she’s managed to slip through the cracks of the education system without getting the basics. 

It ultimately came down to me to start tutoring her in spelling and grammar. I work for an education based organisation but I’m in marketing so I’ve got no inkling on how to teach kids. All the while despite my best efforts in finding her worksheets to do and going through them night after night, I’ve grown resentful to the fact that I’m the one trying to push her to learn and she has no initiative to improve herself or show any gratitude (I know, teenager). 
She will also ask questions that the answer to are obvious or could be worked out if she just thought about it. I’ve tried to say to her things like “let’s see if you can use your problem solving skills and work this out” until her father said I was being condescending and I shouldn’t be so mean to her. Today we were at a plant nursery and she asked what a plant was despite being barely two metres away from the big red label with the name of the plant clearly labelled. 

I also try to teach her to cook, showing her the basics in the kitchen and how to prepare fairly easy meals. When I try to get her to choose something and cook it under her own steam, she usually ends up crying over not knowing what to do. I’ve been showing her what to do for years. I’ve put her in charge of cooking once a week and picking what’s for dinner another day each week. She will procrastinate on both every single time until I feel like I want to bash my head against a brick wall. Her father’s work is physically intensive and he generally finishes work at 7pm and is absolutely starving. Poppy will still be trying to avoid doing anything in the kitchen until 8-8:30pm. I feel like she’s trying to get me annoyed enough that I will just give up and do it myself every single time. Nowadays it doesn’t even cross her mind to ask if she can help with dinner and will usually make herself scarce when dinner is being prepared in case she’s asked to do anything. 
When she went to go to her mother’s for the last three weeks of the school holidays recently, I suggested to her mother that she should continue what I’ve started and get Poppy to cook once in a while. Her mother immediately rejected the idea. I was aghast and tried to say something about teaching her life lessons but her mother just flippantly said that she’s happy to leave that up to me. 

There are many many more examples but Am I The Asshole for being frustrated by the fact that I’m the only person who can see this kid needs to be taught and encouraged to learn how to do things so she can get by later in life but the lack of initiative, motivation and interest from everyone including her is making me resentful and less inclined to want to help her?