Gf and I have been together for 4 years.  We’ve talked about marriage, kids, the whole nine yards.  

Last month we had a tough conversation.  She wanted to try an open relationship for a month.  I was one of her firsts and she wanted to explore     She’s also bisexual and never acted on it and wanted to explore that as well. 

When we had this conversation I was in internal meltdown mode.   I was considering ending the relationship.   I honestly felt that this was the death of our relationship, but just a slower death than usual so maybe I should just end it quickly.  

After I had calmed down though I decided to at least try it.  I love my gf and if this is what she needed I can at least try. 

So February came around and it began.  I’m also bisexual so for the first time I downloaded grinder.  A gay dating app.   I’ve never used it before.  Right away I started getting messages.  I really didn’t want to go straight into sex at first so it took a couple days before I found someone who actually wanted to go out on a date.  

It was like a part of me was revived.  I had forgotten a huge part of myself being with my gf and having that night woke that part of me up.  I started meeting more and more people.  Men and women.   Dating in my early 20s was always so hard for me, but for some reason with these apps it just works.  

Gf wasn’t having the same experience.   She went on a couple dates, but didn’t feel a connection to any of them.  She said they made better friends.  

Gf asked me today if I just wanted to end the month now and I said no.   I could tell she didn’t like that.  I don’t want to hurt her, but I’m not ready for it to end.    