Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : Burner account for privacy.

Sam (not real name) has been my best friend since 3rd grade. We bonded over being semi-outcasts. We weren’t bullied, we were outsiders, introverted and liked nerdy things like anime. We’ve best friend and basically have hung out every day since middle school.

We ended up going to the same college. Sophomore year we got an off campus apartment together. In like November, Samuel came out as Samantha, and began transitioning. Of course, I supported her 100%. She’s been my best friend for years and I want her to do whatever she needs to be her most authentic self.

This year,  Sam was presenting as female full time. We kept hanging out all the time like we did before, and our friends started to jokingly refer to us as a couple. Sam starting dropping hints about us dating for real. I didn’t pick up the hints until *she* finally asked *me* out a in January. I said yes. I figured that we hang out all the time anyways, and I like Sam as a person a lot. Maybe there’s another layer of romance that hasn’t been uncovered, you know? I was willing to give it a chance.

On our first date, we went to a show on campus and then hit a few LGBT-friendly bars. At the bars we started being more physical and sexual, until we went back to our apartment and made out. As it was happening, I felt like, although it felt nice to touch and be touched, it wasn’t amazing, and I didn’t feel romantically connected.

To be honest, I think a major factor is the fact that Sam is trans. Even with hormones and makeup, she still has a male skeletal structure and masculine voice and and frankly, a penis. I don’t want to be bigoted, but all that makes me less sexually attracted to Sam. But I figured—hey, maybe it’s just because of society’s beauty standards etc. so I’m biased and should just give it a chance. We’re still dating and getting more and more sexual.

The more we date, the more I feel like I’m just not attracted to Sam romantically. I’m not enjoying being physical with her. And then I feel dishonest for pretending like I am because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I’m so worried that if I’m honest about not being into her romantically it will crush her, which would crush me because to be honest, I love her more than anyone outside my family—but I’m pretty sure I just love her like a sister. But I also don’t want to live a lie and both of us deserve to be with a partner that we’re fully sexually satisfied with. And plus we live together, so this is gonna make things really uncomfortable and awkward. And how would we even go back to being just friends again? Could we even?

Anyways, so basically, please let me know if I’m an asshole or not. And whatever I am, please give me some advice to resolve this as best as possible.