Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : Hello everyone,

Growing up, I was obese.  Very obese.  Throughout my adolescent and high school years, I was 200 +lbs.  At 5'2, that's a lot of weight to carry and my peers definitely never let me forget it.  My mother, with whom I love very much, has always been very thin and I remember being seven years old and wanting to spend time with her - while in her room, she would try on clothes and ask me if I thought she looked fat.  She fat shamed people in front of me and would always point out how I was the biggest girl in the room.  She told me about the salad diet and fed me only salad for dinner many times.

After graduating college, she told me I would never find a job or a partner if I didn't lose weight.  EVERYTHING I ate was a constant reminder that I would be useless in every day life.

Three years ago, I made a complete lifestyle change and successfully shed nearly 80lbs from my frame.  Though I physically look well and healthy, I have a twisted and distorted way of viewing food.  I exercise nearly 90 minutes a day, eat the same foods over and over again day after day, and feel unbelievably guilty every time I eat one little cookie or cupcake.  I have no friends or romantic partners because I schedule life around eating and going to the gym.  I truly hate this.

Last night, my mother and I had a full on BLOW UP.  Now she told me I was too thin and was worried about me.  I ended up going absolutely crazy and told her she was the reason I am the way I am - afraid of eating - that my earliest memories are of her weighing herself in front of me and telling me how no one would ever love me if I wasn't "skinny". It was pretty fucking bad and my father had to separate us.

I cried myself to sleep.  This morning, my brother called me and demanded that I apologize to her.  While I admit I had a breakdown, this has been building up inside of me for years and came to a head when she made a comment about how I shouldn't eat more than what was on my plate.

While I understand WE are responsible for the choices we make in life, I can't help but feel that she led me down a very dangerous road.  I want to get better .. I truly do .. and I want to live a healthy and happy life, but there's that voice in my head telling me I will never be good enough unless I'm thin.  She reinforced this on me every day growing up.

If I am an asshole for losing my shit, I am sorry .. but I needed to get it out.