Throwaway, randomly generated username. 

I've known this guy since we were in middle school. We met online, and it wasn't until college that we started phone/videocalling, and started dating. 

We've had a myriad of issues and been on again/off again for the past two years, but a big conflict has been his parents. Partially, this was due to how they talked about me -- it was super long distance, so I never talked to them, but his mom literally sat him down and told him she was afraid I was going to be his "foreign wife" (apparently a bible reference, saying that I was going to ruin his faith, as I am in fact very white and American). But the biggest part of it was that in the beginning of the relationship, I was extremely blunt about my thoughts on how he was raised. Specifically, I stated that I believed that any parents who were complicit in the abuse of their child were themselves child abusers. (His sister was mentally and physically abusive, and taking up too many parental resources, so they sent him to a private school, which was admittedly expensive and amazing EXCEPT for the person who started mentally and physically abusing the boys. He told me himself that they had proof, and their concerns were brushed off/they were not believed. He was eventually believed and pulled out.)


As you can imagine, this did not go over well. Most people do not want to hear that their SO thinks their parents are child abusers, especially if they are still in denial about having PTSD (he has now accepted that and went to therapy for several months). 

After being in therapy myself (this was my seventh attempt at therapy, after a run of bizarre bad luck where I had many who gave me a) AA prayer b) advice to be a Wiccan and have lots of BDSM sex with strangers and c) a single breathing technique before throwing up their hands and giving up), my therapist and I decided that my approval of his parents shouldn't really matter. My new mantra was going to be that as long as *he* thought they did their best, that was what mattered. However, we didn't see any obligation on my part to actively agree with the idea that people in close contact to children -- e.g. parents or faculty at a boarding school --, have no obligation to protect those children from abuse. 

We are 20/21. He still lives with his parents, and I live with mine on my school breaks. He does not have an order of protection against his sister because his parents guilted him against extending the temporary one he was granted. 

TLDR: By my definition, his parents are child abusers. Telling him that is obviously not the best course of action, but I refuse to outright voice approval that I don't mean. AITA?
