Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : Some context: wife and I have been trying for a kid for years. It turns out she has a form of PCOS and endometriosis and we were told that she'd have difficulty carrying a pregnancy to term. After many, many, many appointments, we were referred to a surrogacy agency. Here, surrogacy for profit is illegal, so it's purely altruistic. We ended up finding a surrogate through this agency and a couple of years later, she's 5 months pregnant now. The baby is biologically my wife and I's.

We had a scheduled amniocentesis (where they collect a sample of fetal DNA to screen for certain conditions) and the results are not good. Call us selfish or insensitive if you'd like, but we weren't thrilled the baby has a high chance for down syndrome and spina bifida. The OB/GYN said it's very likely and we should prepare for it early. 

We (the wife, myself, and the surrogate) met to talk a bit, at which point the surrogate revealed she has been smoking and drinking while pregnant. She broke down crying saying she was under a lot of stress and it was her coping mechanisms.

Are we the assholes for not wanting this baby anymore? I don't know if we can even refuse the baby at this point. What happens to the surrogate? What happens to the child? We haven't reported anything to the surrogacy agency because it's still fresh and we're not sure what our options are. We fear of coming across as insensitive but truth be told, we didn't anticipate this nor did we really want it.

We know pregnancies don't always end up perfect, and we're fine with less than perfect. But things like DS or SB mean our lives fundamentally change to that of caregivers, potentially our whole lives. We're not ready for that nor do we think we'd ever be ready for it. We're mostly upset the surrogate has toyed with a life that doesn't belong to them.
