My nephew was born to an addict mother and his first 4 years were full of abuse. My brother began fostering and picked up him and his sisters. My brother eventually adopted them all. They all have FAS, and myriads of other issues, but my nephew was affected the most. He has learning issues severe enough that he will likely never learn to read, and he has violent tendencies. Lying is so instilled in him, it's impossible to ever take him seriously. My brother would have to routinely pick him up from school for attacking his teachers/classmates. He constantly steals things to the point that he would have to have his pockets cut out of his pants or folded out. If he was ever unattended, he would set fire to things (toy boxes, grass, etc.). Under constant stress and threat of danger to his siblings, my brother gave him back to the government around the age of 8. He was immediately put into a children's psych ward, and then into group homes ever since. My brother and his family have stopped visiting him. He's now 11. He has recently moved from one group home in one city to another in my city.

My parents are ridiculously amazing people/grandparents and were rocked by losing him. My mother is a very caring woman and believes in the best of outcomes almost to a fault. She downplays his violence a lot, and they almost adopted him themselves. My mother and father would host visits for him (and his caretaker) every so often, but since he tried burning down their house the last time, my father barred him from coming back. They still go to visit him at his group home, and I don't fault them for that.

I've been in separate cities from my family this whole time so I have never connected with these adopted children. I see them once in a while, and since I don't really like children to begin with, I don't really care to interact with them when I'm home. My mother gave my nephew's group home my phone number and he's called me once every few months to have an awkward conversation where he tells me some tall tale. I visited him once when he was in the psych ward (in my city), but mostly to help give my mother some peace.

When he recently moved to my city, he called me and I answered the once. Then the rest of the week, I got about 10 voicemails from this child with a new lie each time. Things like "My 15 year old girlfriend is pregnant", "I killed my friend", and "I'm in jail, get your butt over here". So I was getting harassed by an 11 year old. It's sad, and I have pity for him, but I have no interest in talking with this child or visiting him. I actually want nothing to do with him.

My mother and father were planning on visiting him that weekend, but she fell ill, and then called me to ask if I could go see him since she was worried about disappointing him. I told my mother I wasn't going to visit him. Then she asked "Will you ever?". And I said no. She sounded heartbroken, and I'm not a fan of that. My mother is definitely not the asshole, but AITA?