This might get complicated so bear with me. Also on mobile so sorry for any formatting errors. 

I (22F) have a friend, we’ll call her Emily (26F) that has an annual New Year’s Eve Party. We are somewhat new friends, and last year was the first year I was invited to/aware of this party. I have been dating my boyfriend, Adam (24M) for almost 5 years, so I asked if he could come with me as I had shared every New Years kiss for 4 years with him. Now, Adam is an ex-addict and is completely sober, and doesn’t participate in large social events a lot. Emily vaguely referenced this in her response to me, and essentially said that “she wouldn’t want him to feel uncomfortable” and “she wouldn’t want him to just be sitting there” and “she wouldn’t want him to have no one to talk to”. Despite my assurance that I would obviously be interacting with him, these were her responses to my requests that he come. I took this as her telling me she didn’t really want him to come without REALLY saying it, so I decided I would not be attending her party (and subsequently did nothing for New Years that year, as it was cutting it close to the holiday). After the fact, Emily made a comment to me about how she “wasn’t sure if I would act different around Adam”.

Fast forward to this year, she’s having her party again and invited me. I did not respond to the Facebook event, and made other plans for New Years that are actually gonna be at my house with my roommates, as I had felt like my boyfriend was made to feel unwelcome last year and where he is not welcome, I am not welcome. I recently introduced my best friend for over 10 years, Amy (22F), to Emily. Emily invited Amy to her New Years party, too. Amy has known about the situation with me, Emily, and my boyfriend, and said she would be attending my party at my house instead of Emily’s, but responded to Emily’s Facebook event saying she would be attending. 

Now, a few days before New Years, Emily reached out and asked me why I wasn’t coming to her party, and I explained what had happened last year, which resulted in a discussion where she denied ever have saying any of the things that I clearly remember her saying, and apologizing “if whatever she said made it seem like that”. Ok fine, agree to disagree. 

But now Amy has informed me that she will probably end up going to Emily’s party, as she’s going to another party beforehand that will be closer to Emily’s party than it is to mine. Now, I understand if she will be far away from my party, she absolutely does not have to go. I don’t have a problem with that at all. However, I find it kind of hurtful that she would still go to Emily’s party after knowing I was hurt and specifically choosing not to attend. I don’t really understand why she couldn’t just stay at her initial party, or go out to the bars or something instead? I also looked up the drive between the initial party and Emily’s, and it’s about 36 minutes. Not that close. Idk. I sent her a short text encouraging her to enjoy her New Years and explaining that I am not expecting her to come to my party, but my feelings were a little hurt.

Typing all of that out it just seems super juvenile. Whatever, it’s her New Years to celebrate, so maybe I am the asshole tbh