Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : There’s a lot of backstory to this. Over the last 30 years, my mother has been married and divorced 5 times. Every time, she rushed into it and hardly knew the guy, and things blew up within a year or two. The last 2 marriages were in my teen years, and both husbands were abusive. In both cases, she let a guy that I had met once or twice move into our home after dating a very short period of time (3-4 months), which, as a teenage girl, made me extremely uncomfortable. Once she moved us all the way across the county. I met the guy one time before we moved. In all cases, I was vocal about how I felt, but every time she told me about how “this time is different”.

When things inevitably crashed and burned, I had to be the adult and help get us out safely. It was really traumatizing to have to literally pack up and leave my home while my moms abusive husband was gone for a few hours, or to try to get him to let go of her during a fight. 

I’m 26 now, and my moms last divorce was 2 years ago. It was a really shitty one. I figured she had learned her lesson, and she had sworn off dating (which she had done multiple times before).

Back in February/March I noticed she was acting different. Very upbeat, almost manic. This was definitely concerning because it’s usually the first stage of a new relationship. She was talking about her boss a lot, which was weird. After a few weeks, I put 2 and 2 together and asked her what was going on. She told me that they were just spending time together but nothing official was happening. He was separating from his wife of 30 years. 

Fast forward to June. She sent me a text that she had sold her house and that she and her boss were moving in together. I was disappointed but not surprised. They had been dating 3-4 months at this point, so pretty much right on track for her. Of course, “this time is different” and so on. I politely told her that I hope everything works out for her, but that I wasn’t ready to meet him yet and I would let her know when I felt ready. She was okay with that. 

In August, my SO and I moved to a new city because I got a new job. It was really exciting for us and we decided to have a casual “housewarming” for family and some friends just so they could come check out the new place. My mom invited her boyfriend without asking me, and when I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable having him there, she got upset and didn’t talk to me for weeks. 

A week ago, my SO proposed (yay!) and obviously everyone is super excited.

Now, my mother is trying to force me to meet her boyfriend, probably because she wants him involved in the wedding.

I absolutely don’t want to meet this guy any time soon. He’s still legally married FFS. I’m trying to be as polite and respectful as possible, but my mom will not drop the issue. Am I the asshole for wanting to stay out of her relationship for once?