It's not easy writing this. I want to make clear that I haven't decided anything yet. I'm just considering all options.

About 2 weeks ago me and my girlfriend found out that she's infertile. We had been trying for a baby for almost a year, and we got a bit worried. So we decided to check the both of us, and it turns out that she is infertile. There's not much more to it, but they are 100% sure. We've been together for little over 5 years. I'm 24 and she's 2 years older, and we thought that the time was right. 

Obviously we are devastated by the news, and I understand that it's an even bigger blow for my girlfriend. I've been there for her and we support each other, and I think that we're at least dealing with it. 

She has already suggested adoption or a surrogate. I told her that was good idea and left it at that. The thing is, I don't want to adopt a kid. I also don't want a surrogate. I want to have my own kids, with my own woman (I don't know how to phrase this but you get what I mean). I get how this sounds really selfish. But it's how I think, I can't change that. I don't think I would be capable of adopting a kid. It's just not me. Is it weird that I want the woman I'm with to carry our child? I don't think it is. I want it to be our kid. But I know I'm not thinking straight right now. 

I want kids. I want them with my girlfriend. She was about to be my fiancee. But we can't. I've been seriously thinking of breaking things off. I love her with all my heart, she IS the love of my life. I wouldn't want to put her through a break up after this news, I know she needs me. But I can't shake this feeling. I understand that many might not understand my thought process here. I don't know what to tell you. Would I be the asshole?