Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : AITA for trying to work things out with an asshole

**Background**:

**Mom**: 70 years

* Has dementia, 1.5 years ago scored 20 on the Montreal test, 8 months ago scored 10, still reasonable cognisant
* Got bipolar when was 30
* Divorced 18 years ago, moved in with Bob 3 years later, they never had carnal relations, nor slept in the same room
* Was living with Bob and two of Bob's family members until this happened
* Calls Bob the love of her life and very much cares for him
* Gave POA to myself &amp; my sister

**Bob**: 55 years

* Anger management issues but, clearly cares for my mom
* On and off welfare, tough life
* Has been benefiting from the comforts of my mom having some money
* As my mom's situation has been deteriorating has been denying dementia
* Unilaterally changed her medication
* Sent many messages blaming both myself and my sister for the situation, angry messages, emotional blackmail, etc

**My sister &amp; I**

* Long distance
* Families
* Careers
* Standard adult life problems

**The Question**:

So, basically what happened is that after Bob took my mom off Invega she inevitably relapsed into another bipolar episode.  She went to the hospital and desperately wanted to go home (even though there was a clear issue with bipolar). The doctors and medical professionals decided that due to her mental health, lack of cleanliness and drug use in the house, and lack of a full-time caretaker she, needed to be in a care home.  Bob found out about this and started freaking out 'you can't take her from me!'.  He was banned from seeing her at the hospital.  She was moved to a long term care facility (1.5-hour drive as it was the earliest available) and he continued to freak out (including many abusive/angry messages to me &amp; my sister).  He was banned from seeing her and all visitors are currently banned from seeing her. My sister, in the meantime, was dealing with police phone calls, the lawyer he sent, my mom's finances (which were apparently a major mess) and generally hates Bob at this point. Additionally, my mom is on a waiting list for a care home where my sister lives which would mean Bob &amp; her friends for the past 15 years would never be able to see her.

So, in light of all this, I talked to my mom on the phone.  She begged me to be allowed to talk to Bob.  So I reached out to Bob and tried to get him to act like an adult (cease the abusive messages, withdraw the lawyer he sent after us).  I got him on the phone with my mom by setting up a conference call and she was extremely grateful.  As Bob has exhibited signs of adulthood, I've been trying to arrange for a reduction of the restrictions on him, and possibly move my mom into a close by care home.  My sister does not appreciate this at all, and we've had a major conflict over me trying to work with Bob.  Am I the asshole for trying to allow my mom to see her friends &amp; the people she's lived with for 15 years even in the face of this behavior?