Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : tl;dr at the bottom.
So, currently I'm having lots of problems at school. I'm failing several subjects, overall pretty bad grades and deadlines and test dates are busting my ass. After being the "good kid" with perfect grades, attendance and politeness when I was younger, I'm not used to having to study.
So now I have unbearable stress with studying, homework and presentations, which I can not cope with due to depression. I just can't get myself to do anything besides lying in bed and worrying about my grades. Often I sleep even if I'm not tired just to escape the suffocating feeling of stress.
I am very aware that at my age, the depression is more often than not teen depression, but a) that doesn't make the feelings any less valid b) I've been feeling this way and wanting to die since age 8 and c) I feel like shit regardless of what type of depression it is.
Over the last months, I've been opening up to my mother about my feelings and how I want to die. How when I was 9, I would pray to the gods every night in bed, begging for death. I am a very prideful and self confident person, so opening up like that was already a huge blow to my self esteem, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt a lot better, and at first she was very nice to me - I knew that it was ingenuine, but I didn't care; I just had to get it off my chest. 

The worst thing about my depression or whatever it is is the heavy feeling. Holy shit, I almost cannot describe that feeling. It feels like my body is filled with wet sand or steel. My limbs become heavy, my heart drops, I get nauseous, a knot forms in the back of my throat, and I just want to end it all. This feeling comes when I have to make decisions and have to be responsible, and when I have to do very important things. It's not nervosity; nervosity is cold sweaty hands, a stale mouth and andrenaline - the heavy feeling is the exact opposite. I feel warm, almost hot, my stomach is cramped, my heart aches, and I feel like I'm about to break through the floor because all the heavy, wet sand in my body.

Anyway, when I told her about that, she told me that all those years, she and my dad thought that I was just a lazy piece of shit. 
Instead of cheering me up, trying to help and motivate me, she just put more pressure and me. Do this, do that. Have you done that and that already? You have to get movin, young lady!

She was CONVINCED that I just had to get up and do something. I just had to cheer up. Get more fresh air. Spend less time in front of the phone etc. The typical r/wowthanksimcured stuff.
Whenever I try to talk to her about feeling horribly again, I expect a hug, a kiss on the cheek and her telling me that I'll get through it, I can do it, everything will be okay etc. I just want someone that gives me the power to want to survive, because I've been running on empty for the last 6-7 months.

What do I get?
"Just do your work", "you just have to get out of bed and do anything productive for once", "why don't you just get up and do it?".
This is all correct; I know all that myself. 
But I can't.
I physically cannot get myself to do it.
And at first, I was like yea, thanks mom, I know. You don't have to tell me. I just want you to give me confidence, and lend me an ear. You don't have to give me advice, I just want it off my chest. 
But she doesn't listen.
She goes on and on, making it sound like I'm a lazy piece if trash once again.
This has been going on for about three months now. I tell her about my problems, she blames me or something completely unrelated (my phone for example) and tells me to do what I have to do. I tell her that telling me that I useless because I already know, but she keeps going.
At this point I feel very insulted when she goes on with her usual tirade, because I feel like she doesn't even listen when I tell her something and she just wants to force me to do it her way instead of offering emotional support. 
It's always the same.
I ask her if she has time to talk a bit, she says yeah, I tell her whats wrong, and she tells me what to do in a way that makes me feel like it's my fault. After our talks I always feel worse than before, but I have nobody but her to talk about my problems.

And today I snapped.
She comes into my room uncalled for, invades my privacy and starts talking the same shit as always  to me. I tell her that she is being very mean to me right now and that I feel like she is belittling me. She doesn't care. We go back and forth for a while, both becoming more aggressive, and me starting to cry from anger and frustration. I have been having anger issues for as long as I can think, so I ask her to leave my room as I can feel the anger boiling up. I have snapped before and when I do, there's no holding me back - and since we're both very physically strong women, we would probably both end up in the hospital if a fight ensued. 

I ask her to leave - she doesn't listen. I ask her again and again, becoming more and more aggressive, and she doesn't listen. 
At this point I stand right in front of her, face to face, our noses centimeters from each other. I'm still crying, tears streaming down my face, my eyes swollen and red, my fists balled. I try to shove her out of my door, and she....
....she laughs.
She laughs, right in my face, her eyes locked onto mines. 
She tries to say some bullshit, but I have had enough. 
I am not going to get laughed at for reaching out for help by my mother.
I shove her out the door, screaming that she is no help and that she should just shut up if she doesn't have anything to say that matters. I screamed things along those lines at her, still crying and trembling of anger. I didn't call her names, I didn't use any of her weaknesses. I just told her what I had been thinking for the last months. 
At one point, she wipes the stupid grin off her face and starts to look sad.
"Oh. Ok.", she says, really quietly and as if I hurt her. She then walked away.
This is something that I know the does to manipulate her children into doing what she wants; she's been doing it for years.
And even if I know she's just trying to make me feel bad for her.... it works, god damn it. I am a very harsh person, and she always makes me question if I went to far even if I know I didn't. 

Now I feel really bad once again and I really don't know if I'm the asshole for screaming at her or if she's the asshole for pushing me too far.

tl;dr:
My mother constantly puts me down and then expects me to be nice to her. Today I screamed at her after her harrassing me for too long and then she acted all sad and hurt.
Am I the asshole for screaming at her?

Sorry for any English errors.
