Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : (Four things first. I'm on mobile, so sorry for formatting, this is my first Reddit post, it's gonna be really long so TL;DR at the end, and I'm trying to be as unbiased as possible but it's hard so bear with me.)

So I met my friend (lets call her Roach, so if she ever reads this post she'll know it's me, as it's an inside joke but also an insult) a little while back in school on the first day. She was shy and quiet, blond hair, blue eyes, and from California. On my way to class, I wanted to make friends, so I greeted her (albiet a bit loudly, what can I say I was a loud kid) and we became friends quickly. We had a lot of the same interests and I spent a lot of my time with her, though eventually I hung out with my other friends more so it was even enough for no one to be too hurt. 

Roach hung with me and my little group, the outcasts, so the main bullies of the grade would annoy us and her as collateral, despite not knowing her. This'll be important later.

As we went up a grade, near the end of the first year I noticed one of my male friends trying to spread lies about me to her, because I didn't spend time with him. I'd grown up a bit, and his childish games of make-believe just weren't my taste anymore. It made me and Roach's bond stronger. So I became more relaxed with her and her with me. This would soon become a mistake.

She began to swear soon into the second year we knew eachother. I was always raised that cussing was bad and got my mouth washed out with soap whenever I did. I used to tattle on the "cool kids" who would cuss, but eventually I developed a potty mouth like hers that I still hide from my mom and try to get rid of, but it's hard to at school. (More on that later.)

As we became more comfortable and moved along in our years, she confessed to me that she had anxiety and depression. I had one other friend and a parent that suffered from depression, so I took it well. However, she started using them as cards. Whenever she was particularly harsh, it was "Oh I have depression" or "just my anxiety acting up again". She said her dog was given to her because of anxiety, but all I had was her word. I let it slide, wanting to keep my closest friend around. That was a mistake.

I can't remember much, but I was at my local library. It was raining, so my mom had stopped in the drop-off-book zone so I could run in and out real quick. It was against the rules to park there, so I was fast. I got a call from Roach. I leaned against a pillar and gestured to my mom to give me a minute. She obliged, but told me to hurry. When I answered, it was a wave about how her parents hated her and everyone hated her and she was depressed. I tried to calm her down, but I panicked once she brought up self-harm and suicide. Trying harder to calm her down, she began saying she was gonna kill herself. Naive as I was, she was my closest friend and I began begging and pleading for her to not hang up the phone. My mom began rushing me but I was too desperate to keep my friend that I didn't listen. Eventually, I was met with silence, and the beep of my phone disconnecting. 

I thought I lost her. I was too panicked and upset and overall emotional to notice that it wouldn't be right for her mom to instantly hop on her phone and text me that she killed herself because of me, so I sent her my condolences and got in the car. I broke down ranting and when I got home, I furiously called her to try and ask if she was really dead. 

Roach answered the phone, saying that she was joking. Back then, I was just so happy i had her, so I overlooked the seriousness of the matter. Nothing so serious happened again. 

Note: My grandma, my second home, died between these above and below times. It messed me up emotionally, and Roach helped aiding that weakness into some issue that I don't know the name of. This will come up later.

As time went on, little incidents occured. Roach got upset because me and a close friend (she'll be mentioned later so I'll call her Sunshine) talked a lot about anime and kpop, which we had gotten dragged into. (Fight me I'm a fuckin weeb it made me happy) and she didn't know about it, yet she'd go on about Legend of Zelda like I was supposed to know about it, and when I dropped that i liked occasionally watching Supernatural with my mom she expected me to know them.
 When I went through my animator phase and began wishing I could be one, I found the cartoons Eddsworld and Villainous, but never got into them until Roach said she liked them so I got into them so I could know what she was talking about. She told me to "quit getting into her fandoms" even though she had exposed me to this by showing me some video clips and art. We had a fight and dropped it. 
That year, I had gotten a little community app called PokeAmino and met some friends who loved Pokemon as much as I do, and grew very close with them. Roach was into Pokemon somewhat, so I added her to our group chat. That friend I mentioned earlier with depression? Yeah, they had a breakdown and so their two closest friends (Me and another user who's my current best friend I'll call Starshine) tried to help them back to a calm state. Of course Roach calls me asking why I'm not answering her other calls and what's going on in the group chat. When I explain, she says she can help. I told her there's a reason only their close friends help them, because we have a connection with them, but she tries to help anyway. It doesn't help, so I sigh, my emotions taking over, and tell her "I said it was just a close friend thing" And she thought I meant we weren't close and snapped at me. Since she faked her suicide, whenever she goes silent, I used to panic. Eventually we worked it out, whatever. But that was when I noticed she was being a jerk.

Cue the third year of me knowing her. Sunshine and I talked a lot, and I talked to Starshine online a lot. Roach left the PKA chat because she "didn't like my friends". Whatever, I didn't care, but I did get mad at first because she didn't even try to get to know them. At one point she rejoined, but she left and stayed gone after I posted a rant about her to the chat, knowing she was rarely online and at that time not caring. She accused me a lot, and Starshine was my rock as my emotions changed and I started feeling distant. I've found I'm good at acting like everything is okay in front of schoolmates, so Roach doesn't know a thing. 

However, as it gets into the fourth year of me knowing her, my emotions got worse. I have depressive spells occasionally, and don't feel as intensely as I used to except for when it comes to music and my close good friends. Social anxiety isn't as bad as it could be, but it still affects me. And add on to that, I have anger issues and the tendency to want to handle everything myself in a highly effective way, even when I can't. Here comes the more recent stuff.

Roach is homophobic. Extremely homophobic. Several of my friends aren't straight and even I lean sometimes, but she just gets so upset. She used to not mind, but now every word out of her mouth is "I'm a Christian so gays are bad and going to hell and evolution can't exist so science teachers are bullshitting us and can never be Christian." She even once said she'd rather have a disabled child instead of a perfectly healthy gay kid. Don't know why, but okayyyyy man.

Skipping minor events here because this is way too damn long already.

Now I'm a petty bitch. I've constantly dropped hints Starshine is my best friend now, but I'm not sure if Roach got them. When asked if she'd be the maid of honor at my wedding, I go "Haha, if i do get married, it'll either be you or Starshine" and she replies with a disgusted "Who the fuck is Starshine?!" like i couldn't have a closer friend than her. So I'm obviously not inviting Roach to my wedding, whatever.

At this point, I keep her around because she helps me through the school day my making me laugh and stay out of my thoughts until she pissed me off and I break down and we start over again, not because she's a close good friend. My friends have told me I should let her go but I'm clingy as much as I am petty and want to learn as much as I can and make her go through the treatment she treated me like before I do, plus I hold the hope she'll change deep inside me. I've been just as rude to her as she is to me, if not less, and she calls me a dick or an asshole, though she is the same to me or worse. So I thought I'd head to Reddit after a discussion with another close good friend so I can find out if me keeping her for entertainment and the hope I can change her is wrong and maybe some advice about what to do.

TL;DR: Friend I've known for nearing 4 years is an asshole, fucked up my emotions, still thinks I care for her though all I keep her around for is laughs and the hope I can change her.

So Reddit, Am I The Asshole?
(And thanks for reading the whole thing if you did, this took me about an hour to write so you're a real one.)