I went on a “date” with a guy from tinder. I went to his place to Netflix and chill. It was his first time meeting up with someone from tinder and he was a little nervous. We hung out and talked for a while before we actually did anything hookup-y, and I liked him and we got along well. I was on the fence about whether or not I was attracted to him or if I just liked him in a “you’re kinda cool” kind of way. I didn’t want to decide until we kissed because that’s the easiest way for me to figure out how I feel about someone, if I’m attracted to them or not.  

Eventually when we started kissing he kissed really hard and used a lot of tongue and I thought it was gross. I tried to get him to move his mouth to, erm, someplace other than my mouth but he was like a leech that wanted to suck my saliva! I didn’t want to offend him and we were only hooking up once and I know some girls like that kind of kissing, so I didn’t want to say anything about it. We kept going and things got a bit heavier but I was getting turned off by him. After a few minutes of making out (maybe 10-15?) and my shirt was off, I just wanted to stop and leave. So I pretended like I was getting a phone call and I told him that I needed to go pick my friend up because her car wouldn’t start and she needed to get to the airport.  I am not a super good liar but I tried to make it convincing because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But, I think he suspected that I was being a bit sketchy and he started questioning me about my fiend, asking me what time her flight was and where she was going and how far away did she live and stuff like that. Again, I didn’t want to tell him that I felt like I just wanted to get out of there because I really wasn’t attracted to him, so I just pretended like I was in a big frantic hurry and made up answers to his questions while I put my shirt back on and then left really quick.  On my way out he said “We should hang out again, hopefully another friend won’t need a ride next time.” And I agreed because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. 

Since then he texted me twice and I just ignored him but he got the message and he hasn’t tried to get in touch with me recently. 

So, am I the asshole for lying about why I needed to leave instead of just telling him that I wasn’t attracted to him and hurting his feelings? Am I the asshole for other reasons? Is no one an asshole? Are we both assholes? Is he the asshole? I’m so confused. What is the etiquette in these situations? Would it change if we were both girls or both guys?

P.S. I wanted to clarify that I didn’t feel threatened by him at all. 