So, back story...

When we first got together, I was in a vulnerable place. I just came out of an abusive relationship. The first year and a half, everything was good. After a day of raking and burning leaves, the wind kicked up that night and blew some of the embers into the garden that was right against a side of the house. My house burnt down. With no where to go, due to the constant fighting with my granddad, I moved into her place with her parents/grandparents. Her parents took care of her grandparents. I had absolutely nothing except a car, and the clothes on my back. So I worked on establishing myself again. This is when I felt the tension and a bit of uncertainty appearing. After thinking about it, I'd come to realize it's because we were in our early 20's and we hadn't gotten any time to work on just us, cause of her super dependent family always wanting her attention. So we finally get to a place where we can move out into a house with 2 of our best friends. 

After a year, everything was going good again, but thats when it all started to get hard again. 

Both of her parents grew sick. Her mother: renal failure. Her father had a stroke. With no other choice, I decided we should moved back in to help out around the house. She agreed. Then her father died. That same year, her mother broke an ankle and busted her knee real bad from a fall, so she couldn't walk anymore, so she became dependent on us due to muscle atrophy. The next year, I lost both of my grandpas. Including the one I had lived with and had been my support even if no one else would. After some processing and kinda learning to cope with my misery, I actually started to think about everything that had happened in the past years. I couldn't figure out if I had still loved her and was supporting her because I love her or if we had an impossible situation that I'd be an ass for walking away on.  I tried to talk to her to talk to her about the situation but we didn't get far.

Then, her grandma died. Everything got put on halt again and I did the same thing I've always done. Tried to support everyone. After almost another year, the thoughts have come back, but now, because of 4 different funerals in a 3 year time span, we've both accumulated a LOT of debt that we're trying to get the reigns on again. I'm having thoughts of trying to find a good stopping point and trying to talk to her about this and how I feel and maybe I'm just filled with anxiety and it's making me want to retreat or if I'm actually looking at it from a reasonable standpoint. I mean, between my work schedule, her work schedule, her mother's dialysis schedule, her grandfather's everyday routine and everything in between, we get maybe get 2 hours to spend together every 3 or 4 days.

I don't want to sit and wait to try and wait for everything to "get better" whether it's because someone else passes or something, and find out that I had lost feelings along the way.