I am a second-generation US citizen, born and raised in America. The only family I have in the US is my father, who I have a pretty good relationship with. I am an only child and my mother passed away around 4 years ago. The rest of my family (aunts, cousins, grandparent) live in China. 

I have only seen my family one or two times in my life (I am 25) because I don't go visit them in China often, and they never come to the US. They have always been very kind to me when I have seen them and they always ask about me through my dad. 

Language is a major barrier. They do not speak English and even though Chinese was the first language I learned as a child, I have very limited proficiency now. I can somewhat understand, but speaking is difficult. Having an actual conversation is pretty much impossible. The few interactions I've had with my family have all consisted of me smiling and nodding and saying the few words I can.

What sparked this post is that my aunt/cousin is going to be in my city (in the US) for the first time this week. Of course I offered my apartment and offered to take them out to dinner, but I realized I really didn't want to do any of this, I just felt \*obligated\* to. My boyfriend commented that I seemed stressed out after hearing they would be visiting, which I was (this combined with unrelated work matters have made me a little anxious). I then realized that he does is not this way at all when his family visits, which is often. He is genuinely excited to see them, happily hosts and takes them around the city. On the other hand, I feel like my family are strangers because, well... they mostly are. I honestly don't really want to see them, I just feel like it's another thing I have to do.

Because of this, I've let my relationship with my family deteriorate. I never prioritize visiting them in China. I planned a vacation next month, and chose to go to Europe instead. I can't write to them because I can barely read Chinese and definitely can't write. 

I am conflicted, because on one hand I do feel very guilty about it, but on the other I do think I am somewhat justified in feeling like they are strangers. In Chinese culture, family is everything. My dad always tells me that they are your family and you should always put your family first. And I've experienced this firsthand when I have visited China and been received with open arms, despite them not knowing me at all. They will treat me like family simply because I am, whereas I for some reason feel like I need to \*know\* them. 

Am I an asshole if I don't love my family back? I do believe they truly love and care for me, but all I feel for them is obligation. I realize there are probably some cultural differences at play too, like what love and family mean in each culture, but I do not want that to be an excuse for being a asshole.

Because language is a big part of it, I do feel like IATA for letting my Chinese language deteriorate. I know it's something I could actively try and improve, but it's just not really a priority in my life. I have a loving boyfriend and a few good friends. I don't honestly feel like I'm missing anything. AITA for feeling this way?