My SO has a thing about keeping his slate clean. He wants to tell me absolutely everything, even if it isn't necessary. Here's my list:

1. He told me he told his best friends about my mental health issues and some of my insecurities. On several occasions he also told me what they advised him to do. I understand his need for an outlet but it hurts so much to know my privacy isn't protected and I'm constantly wondering what they're thinking when they see me.

2. He tells me what he honestly thinks about me, like, he can't respect certain things about me because I make poor life choices because of my mental health issues. Let's just say he has no filter. Sometimes the things he says absolutely shatters me. It has come to the extent of me not telling him things sometimes for fear of his response.

I'm not blaming him for saying these things because I get where he's coming from and he's just being honest but I feel like his need to keep his slate clean is at the expense of my mental and emotional well-being. The cumulation of everything he has said is exacerbating my depression and anxiety and sometimes I can't even function because I get so preoccupied with every little word.

I told him I need what I define as a gentleman. Someone who will understand what to say and what not to say to me by prioritising my feelings. E.g. telling me what he tells his best friends is unnecessary. I would honestly be completely fine assuming he doesn't tell them my deep dark secrets. But now I can't unknow it. Every time I know he meets them without me, it ruins my entire day because I obsess over what they're saying about me. I have gone through a lot that I don't want the world to know - 3 suicide attempts, self-harming to the extent of endangering my life. P.S. - I'm not even forbidding him from telling them. I just feel like there's a combination of him prioritising himself and his friendships over me. But he says I carry too much shame over my mental health issues and it's a vicious cycle.

He says he needs to be able to tell me everything because that is what strengthens emotional connection for him and also he's lived a very fulfilling life adhering to this philosophy. No lies, no secrets, no omissions. A complete open book.

But it's also killing me. AITA for not wanting him to practice this philosophy with me? Or is it a deeper compatibility issue that cannot be solved?

For context if it matters, I'm 31F, he's 40M and we've been together over a year.