A little context, I have been dating my girlfriend for 4 years now and we always discuss about when we’re gonna get married among other serious plans. We’re just waiting for a better point in our lives but we know it’s going to happen when we are more financially stable and ready. She’s always been there for me and vice versa and she is just plain wonderful. We both wanted a big family taking about having three to four kids when the time comes.

Her anatomical issue is resulting from the fact that my gf had Cancer when she was a child and went through multiple rounds of chemo. She has been in remission for over 10 years and while that is not a current threat she was told that she might have some issues with fertility later on in life. These are circumstances I have long been aware of and we have talked about it because I’ve always wanted my own kids and my own family one day. After a long discussion the conclusion we came down to was worst comes to worst we would use a surrogate as I wanted a child from my blood and she initially said she would love the kid to have my DNA. I was relieved and felt more secure that even if we couldn’t have kids together I could still have this option.

Flash forward to today’s conflict where she said she’s had a change of heart and would feel weird like she was raising someone else’s child. This was hurtful to hear because we had already discussed this and she knows where I’ve always stood on wanting my own family someday. We spent awhile arguing but couldn’t make a compromise either way. Finally a he asked me if this was a dealbreaker and I told her potentially it was. She said I was the asshole for not recognizing her feelings and seeing how hard this was for her. I feel like I understand it is difficult and she doesn’t understand that this is something I’ve always wanted. I’m trying to straighten it all out myself so I turn to you for judgement reddit, am I being selfish ...AITA here?