Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : I’ll try to keep this as brief as I can while still including the details I think are relevant.

I’m the second of five kids and the oldest daughter. (Hopefully this is not relevant but I’m also the only gay kid and my parents are conservative Christians.) My mom has always said that when it came to weddings, she and my dad wanted to help out each of their kids because they felt that was what the parents were supposed to do. Even in high school I knew I never wanted a big fancy wedding, just something simple and low-key, and several times my mother said if I didn’t want a big wedding, she and my father could contribute towards the down payment of a house instead.

My youngest sister was the first of us to get married last year. She and my BIL were 23, one year out of graduating college. The wedding was extravagant and beautiful and though they tried to cut costs in some places, it was expensive. Leading up to it, my parents threw them a big engagement party and contributed towards an expensive bridal shower at a restaurant. My sister and BIL had a second ceremony in the country where they got engaged, which my parents flew to and also stayed for a few days at a resort so they could attend the ceremony at my sisters’ request. I have no idea what they spent on the wedding itself, but my other siblings and I have guessed anywhere from $10-20k. Side note - my sister is in many ways the stereotypical baby of the family; my parents have always helped her out financially and she has very little understanding of the value of money or financial responsibility. 

I’m 32 and got married this past fall. My wife and I had a very small and inexpensive wedding, just immediate family and significant others, in a pavilion we rented out at a public park. We paid for almost everything — park rental fees, photographer, etc. As mentioned before, I never wanted a huge wedding and she was onboard; buying a house together was a much bigger priority for the two of us. We all went out to dinner afterwards and our fathers split the check, which we thanked them for and appreciated, but were prepared to pay for ourselves. We didn’t register for gifts and we got a nice card from my parents, but no formal wedding gift. My wife told her parents to hold off on a gift until we had a house, since we really don’t have space right now, and since our mothers talk a lot, I thought maybe my parents might do the same.

My wife and I have started the homebuying process. Her condo is on the market and we found a house this week we’d like to put an offer on. I’ve worked really hard to save over the course of my career and have lived fairly simply, so between the money I’ve saved and what we’re getting from selling my wife’s condo, we can afford to buy ourselves a decent house in an okay neighborhood. Based on the conversations going back several years with my mother, I was expecting some help from my parents for the down payment, but fortunately we’re not dependent on it. Any help would go a long way since there are so many costs involved beyond the down payment of a house.

My parents told me around the time of my wedding that they wanted to talk about the house/financial stuff at some point but they kept putting it off, which didn’t seem like a good sign. My wife and I met them for lunch yesterday right after making our second visit to the house we’re putting an offer on. They were asking for details about the house and seemed excited for us.

Just as the food arrives, my dad says “Well, your mother and I would like to help you, and we decided that we won’t necessarily give each child the same amount when it comes to weddings and that kind of thing. It should really be based more on need. Like if \[other sister and her boyfriend\] won the Powerball, we maybe wouldn’t even give them anything. So we figured that if you and \[wife\] decided to throw a bigger wedding reception once you have the house, we’ll contribute up to $2000 for food.”

Fortunately I had mentally prepared myself for the conversation to go this way, although I really wasn’t expecting them to say they would help with a party that my wife and I don’t want and never planned to have. My wife and I held it together throughout the rest of the meal and eventually got onto other subjects before leaving. No fighting, no awkward silences, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either.

My wife and I both work in public education — she’s a teacher and I do IT. We don’t make anywhere close to Powerball money and we never will, so I don’t know where that comment came from. My sister is also a teacher while my BIL is an engineer. My BIL probably already earns more than I do, and will certainly have the potential to make more over the course of his career. I mention this because of the “based on need” thing. Had my sister and husband waited a few years, they would have been in the position to pay for a lot more of their wedding, but they decided to marry when they did.

Semi-TL;DR: I feel like my sister wanted a wedding beyond her means and was rewarded for it, while I worked hard and have been carefully managing my finances and I get…the satisfaction of doing it for myself, I guess? I know that on its own, that might sound incredibly entitled, but the main reason I had any expectation of help is that my mom had been suggesting it would be there since I was in high school. (I hate to think this had anything to do with it, but those conversations started when she thought I was straight.)

And it’s not so much the amount of money itself that’s what’s important. I feel like they wanted to help my sister substantially to have her dream wedding, but they don’t think I deserve their help for what I want. It seems like they gave my sister way more money than they could afford to give each kid, and now they’re trying to rationalize why they can’t spend as much on the rest of us and I happen to be the first to find out.

AITA for feeling hurt about this?