My Ex left me about 7 years ago when our daughter (let's call her R) was 5. Since then we have shared 50/50 custody. I have re-married and have a 2 year old daughter with my wife and recently learned we have another child on the way. For the most part co-parenting with my Ex has gone well. We have always been able to work through the occasional conflicts. My Ex is a good person and loves R very much.

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R has been letting her grades slide. She gets excellent marks in all her classes. But lately she just hasn't been doing her homework. She says she forgets. Sometimes she has even done the work, but just doesn't turn it in. We have done EVERYTHING we can think of to help. Teacher conferences. Daily agendas signed by each teacher and reviewed at home. Daily homework checks. I work with her in the evenings (when needed) and take her to the library on the weekends she's with me to work on her assignments. We have taken her to Doctors and enrolled her in counseling to see if there is anything medically or psychologically that is contributing. So far the general consensus is that she my be suffering from mild anxiety. We have been working on this for a few months now.

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My Ex and I have different parenting styles. In my house people are held accountable. We all have responsibilities and we count on each other to do their part. I am not talking about anything extreme here. On a typical week night I do the cooking, R does the dishes, and my wife bathes the toddler. One of R's responsibilities is to keep her grades up. When her grades dropped there were consequences. I "grounded" her. All her electronics where taken away until her grades improved. No TV, no Netflix, no phone. Analog hobbies, musical instruments, and TV in the evening with the family were all still allowed, if she was caught up on schoolwork. I told River that she would remain grounded until she had at least a 3.0 GPA. My Ex's approach to parenting is much more laid back. I'd describe it as the "let's be best friends" parenting style. There were no consequences for R's falling grades at her mom's house. Neither of us agrees with the other's approach and the conflict between us has been growing rapidly in the last couple of months.

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This weekend R was at my house and things just fell apart. Earlier in the morning I had asked her to clean her room. I walked in a bit later to check on her and she just started screaming at me. She was furious. It took several attempts to get her to calm down enough that I could understand what she was saying. That's when she told me that she hated being with me, and she wanted to live with her mother. No words have stung me worse. I was in total shock. But, I think she is old enough to have some input into her living arrangements. I reached out to her mother and explained the situation. Mom was more than happy to come to her rescue and I have not heard from either of them since.

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AITA for being too hard on my daughter?