Some background. We are both in our late twenties. She is from an east Asian culture.

My wife recently graduated with a PhD in an engineering field that isn't doing great economically. She has been self-studying and participated in a well-known bootcamp to change careers into a better paying, higher security job in the tech sector. It has been about a year since she diverted her efforts into a new field.

She is very stressed out every day. She worries constantly about each interview, to the point where she has trouble falling asleep. Today she had a headache, which stressed her out since she couldn't focus on preparing, which made her headache worse. Her outlook on life has gotten very negative, and almost every time we talk she tells me how she feels stressed because she can't find a job. Most of the text messages I get from her have to do with feeling stressed, or feeling inadequate. She also beats herself up for not acting more confident, saying that it hurt her chances when talking with companies.

From my perspective:

On one hand, I think she is overly pessimistic. She has made tremendous progress in her newly chosen field, but has received a lot of rejection letters which really hamper her confidence and drive her thoughts to dark places. It's hard to change fields, but she thinks she should have found a job by now.

On the other hand, I really worry about her because it seems like her health (both mental and physical) is suffering a lot. I want her to succeed in whatever she chooses and lead a fulfilled life, but... what I see her living right now is not a life I would wish on anyone, let alone my wife. As a couple, we are doing fine financially thanks to my job (money will never be an issue as long as I am employed, and think I'm decent at what I do). I want to help her with the stress she endures, but I don't know how. I also don't think it's an instance of that stereotype that "women just need to vent, not solve problems" -- she can't sleep! I genuinely worry for our future together and whether she will be alive for it, at the rate things are going.

This is where I genuinely need help to see clearly. She has repeatedly asked me not to ask her to see a mental health professional, and after a certain amount of time, I have always eventually asked her to see one. From her perspective, it is disrespectful that I have repeatedly gone against her wishes. I see her suffering every day, and it seems so painfully obvious to me that she needs help beyond what I can provide. My position is not coming from a place of disrespect, but from a place of concern. It is true, however, that I have repeatedly gone against her wishes.

Why doesn't she want me to ask her this? Well, there was a period of time when we weren't doing as well as a couple, maybe 2 years ago. I insisted we seek counseling. After a time, it didn't seem to be helping our marriage, so I asked for a divorce and refused to see the counselor further. Eventually we worked things out, but ever since that time, if I recommend seeking professional help for any kind of problem, she says it reminds her of that time.

Honestly, I do think IATA for what happened before. I regret it a lot. I broke her trust by asking for a divorce -- something one should never, ever do unless they are 100% going to go through with it. It will take time, a lot of time, and a lot of work to rebuild that trust, and it will never be the same. But I know I can do it now, even though I couldn't before, because I've worked on myself *a lot* learned how to manage my anxiety to the point where it's basically not an issue anymore. I don't get worked up by things like I used to, which is probably the main reason I had previously asked for a divorce -- I didn't know how to cope with my own feelings and thought it would be easier to run away.

But this isn't about what happened before. That's just context for this situation. I think she's justified somewhat, if bringing this up is indeed a trigger for trauma, but I also think it's just something we need to work past in order to address the current problem. (I mean, it does need addressing right? She's not sleeping!)

So AITA? If I am being an asshole, are there any ways for me to be a support for her in this situation beyond just listening and watching her kill herself slowly?

More generally, I am open to any and all feedback, advice, and *constructive* criticism.

PS. I'm not asking her to finance treatment herself, obviously.