Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : So I live in another country where I am enrolled to do my PhD. I am in the final year of it and feeling very stressed to wrap it up before my stipend runs out in September. I am almost done with the first chapter and then the other two should be fairly smooth sailing (according to my supervisor) since this first one was the major foundation chapter. Then I have to write the intro/conclusion. My student visa ends at the end of May (I can get an extension) and I have been getting a lot of pressure to move home from my parents. I currently live with my partner and our pup that we adopted a few months ago (I protested that we weren't ready for a dog, but when we met her my heart melted and I couldn't say no). I moved in with my partner last year, after a few months of dating.

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I love him and our pup very much, but I do not feel supported to do my PhD. I do almost all of the cooking and cleaning in the house (de facto gender roles), as well as try to work from home as much as possible to take care of our dog (we live in an apartment so she has to be taken on walks to use the bathroom, plus she has separation anxiety and often cries when left alone, though I have been training her out of this). I am fortunate in that most of my work can be done remotely on a laptop. However, I am far more productive in a campus environment or co-working space than at home. My partner works full time in an office.

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I am considering moving home in May, as my parents have a condo that I can live in that is close to a university that I have contacts with (who would welcome me into their research group for a post doc when I hand in my thesis). I'm tempted to move home when my visa runs out, because I could focus on smashing out the last bit of writing and then work on grant proposals with my contacts at this other university.

  
I don't have many friends in my current city (essentially only my partner, and one other couple that we spend time with). I am homesick. But mostly I am stressed and really just want to finish my degree without the expectation that I also manage a household. My partner doesn't seem to think it is a problem for me to go to uni each day after lunch for a few hours and then come home and make dinner and wash up the dishes. I've tried to do this, and after dinner I try to work at the table, but he plays video games or watches movies (we live in a studio apartment) at full volume, where I can hear the dialogue through my headphones. Anytime I ask him to turn the volume down he gets irritated with me. I've asked him to take care of a few things before I get home from uni at 6:30/7ish (I try to make the hour long walk home before it gets dark), and it is never done. I had asked him once to fold the towels from the laundry I did that day before I came home and he threw a temper tantrum. I have asked him to help with the cleaning and cooking numerous times and he tells me I am nagging. I have tried to stress the gravity of this last year of my PhD and it feels like I am talking to a wall. Most of my friends were pulling 12 hour days most days of the week in their final year, and I know I have more work to complete than they did.

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Financially, we split all of our bills evenly. He makes much more than my stipend, so when it is his pay week we tend to go out to eat more often or go to the pub more. He has said that since he makes more money, that he should not have to put as much into the labour of the house. I try to remind him that we split our expenses equally and the extra money is spent on luxuries that I would be fine with foregoing (I don't need to go to the pub when I have work to do, and so I often opt out of going if he has friends meeting him there too so he isn't alone). Once again, this goes in one ear and out the other. Every time it is my pay week, as well, he continues to be surprised and irritated that I don't have much left after paying our bills and buying food to spend on beers- it is like he has recurrent amnesia that I don't even get minimum wage on my stipend.

  
If I move back home, I would have to break our lease and I would effectively be breaking up with him and abandoning our dog. My partner wouldn't be able to come with me, and I don't think I would want him to, because it would be the same issues but in a different location. I do love him, but have been extremely frustrated since we've moved in together about essentially being his caretaker. I would love to take our dog with me, but I feel like that would be pouring salt on a wound.