Is NOBODY wrong in the post ? POST : More like Are We TA.  My husband and I are not in the habit of exchanging gifts for birthdays or holidays so it didn't even occur to us to send gifts until we received gifts.

Husband and I welcomed our first child last year.  We didn't reveal the baby's sex until after she was born.  About 2 months later we receive a box in the mail from my husband's brother and wife containing gifts for our daughter. Although the gift box was marked as from their family, my husband said it's most likely something the wife/our SIL took the initiative on.  Nothing unusual there.  My husband thanked his brother over text and we moved on.

Two months after Christmas we get another box in the mail, again from husband's brother and his wife with more gifts for our daughter along with a holiday photocard thing of their youngest child.  Husband thanked his brother again and at that point I asked if we should be sending reciprocate gifts for their kids. He didn't say yes or no one way or the other.  I think at most he just shrugged and said, "Dunno."  I asked him the same thing again a few weeks later and he responded the same way.  There is a history of gift-grabby and highly materialistic behavior from SIL (like planning multiple baby showers for each of her kids).  Since my husband knows his brother's wife better than me I'm inclined to let him take the lead on the gift giving front.

Are we the assholes here for not sending something back?  We didn't send anything for their youngest kid, either, after he was born.  BIL and SIL have 6 kids aged ranging from toddler to teenaged.  I've only met them (BIL, SIL, and the kids) once at our wedding and have no idea what the kids' tastes are.  They live almost clear across the country so the chances of us getting to know each other to any meaningful degree is pretty low.  If we send anything, I'd rather send a check -- maybe $50-100??? -- written out to each of them individually because I think that's just way more practical.  Especially for the older kids since something I pick out may not even be to their taste.  Plus, SIL is very particular about how her kids dress and the interests they partake in and money--if we do choose to send something--seems to be the least likely to offend.

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