My boyfriend and I are relatively new to sex. We also just moved to an European country for university. It's been almost two months since.

  


  


We had sex a couple of times here, unlike what I had planned. But we were in the mood and I was in high spirits.

  


  


Everything was going fine until something happened with the condom we were using that made me nervous (it slipped a little upwards and we pulled it back down and continued). After an instance of him doing so before, I asked him to not contest me on whether or not he should change a condom when I requested so I could relax during sex, but it happened again this time.

  


  


I began to worry, and decided to tell him what I wanted before having sex, and asked for a break from sex until we had them all:

  


1. To wait until we had stable living spaces (we will need to move soon) and knew the country better.

  


2. To wait to learn how to access better birth control in this country (Pills, the IUD, etc)

  


3. Learn the abortion laws in this country, plan out what to do for an abortion to a reasonable extent, and how to fund it/what it will take.

  


  


I really need these things to feel safe and comfortable having sex. My boyfriend doesn't think I'm wrong, but he also thinks that I'm being excessively paranoid and need to learn how to manage risk after freaking out over the condom. I wanted to take an emergency pill to be on the safe side, but he explained why he thought it would be a waste of money and we decided I wouldn't take one.

  


  


He also said that he didn't think I would find those measures I listed enough and would only be satisfied when he got a vasectomy.

  


  


I have a history of birth control worries. I've lost sleep over it. Messing up in this respect seriously terrifies me because the worst possible result is an entirely new human being unwanted by its parents which I wouldn't wish on any kid. I've tired my boyfriend out worrying out loud about it, and I had actually asked him for a break from sex for the same reasons before coming here to Europe. This is NOT to say he pressured me into having sex after getting here, I really wanted it too.

  


  


He says that the level of comfort I need borders on paranoia, and it could ruin our relationship. He doesn't seem to be very invested in planning for and finding out the things I want when I try to get us both to sit down and discuss it.

  


  


I would be a lot happier using our hands and mouths until I feel in a safe enough spot for sex. Am I the asshole by spoiling our sex life and relationship by letting anxiety get the better of me and asking too much from him or are my demands reasonable?