I was supposed to go to this cafe in the next state over with them, but I stayed up until 6 am. I have insomnia and I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression, and I was having a lot of issues sleeping that night. I woke up at 1 pm and we were supposed to leave around 3.

I told them that I was gonna go, I just needed to get ready, but after I text them I just started feeling really sad. I wasn’t really able to pinpoint what the cause was, but I felt empty on the inside. I started crying, and I couldn’t stop. And I’m talking ugly crying. I felt awful, and I was trying so hard to compose myself, but I couldn’t calm down.

I text my friend and told him I wasn’t going because I was still feeling sick from a cold I had, and I would pay back our friend for my ticket, but he kept trying to find ways around it to make me go.

I had told the other friend I wasn’t going cause I was overwhelmed and needed a day to myself and she just said “Okay, I hope you can work things out” and that was it.

I didn’t really want to tell this friend that I was struggling with depression. He’s got so much on his plate as it is, and he sees himself as the parental figure of our friend group, I didn’t want to burden him with that. Plus my cause of depression isn’t as bad as his, I don’t want him to see me as whiny, but I know he’d be upset about me lying to him about why I wasn’t going.

I finally told him that I just needed to be alone for one day. I felt like an asshole for saying that to him, but he backed off after that. I feel like he should’ve known it was serious cause this specific cafe had like 15 cats there and I’m a huge cat lady. I wouldn’t have missed hanging out with my favorite people and a gaggle of cats for anything, especially after making a non refundable $10 reservation on a fast food salary, I’m basically paying to have alone time at this point. I just needed to be alone. Now I feel like he’s mad at me, I think he’s annoyed cause we have plans today, and I’m not skipping those ones.