

I’d been waiting for years to have a cat again, and adopted an older one that needed to be rehomed.  I did not realize the cat was as old as she was when I took her and her age quickly started to show. She only moves to eat and use litter box.  The rest of the time she rests in one spot.  That’s it.  Very sweet cat but she’s like a living fixture in my house. 

When I was first dating SO, one of the earlier important questions I asked was if he was ok with cats, if we/I could have a cat down the road if we live together.  He said yes.  He said yes because we were newly in love and we were enamored with each other and I badly wanted a cat and although he’s an anti-cat guy he said OK.  I already had a cat, but I know she is old- I’m asking about another cat. 

And after a couple of years cat discussions came up and he changed his position on cats. He hates cats, he’s allergic (even though I’ve never seen him have an allergic reaction when he’s over at my place with my cat), says cats are horrible and murderous, they kill for sport, cats stink, litter box stinks, they don’t love their people etc etc etc.   And he took back his agreement to have a cat.   He now says NO CATS when we live together. 

The subject of moving in together has come up  and we have been looking at places and without any particular rush are planning on living together, that’s the long term plan. 

Next thing I know, my teenager comes home with a kitten.  Now- I didn’t go LOOKING for this kitty. Neither did my teenager who just found it, it was dumped and starving.  So we fed the kitten, knowing we couldn’t keep it but just helping until I can get it to a rescue for her forever home.  I didn’t mention it to SO because we had other things going on and it was temporary anyway.  In hindsight- probably should’ve mentioned it.   ..... SO comes over and learns there is a kitten here.   I tell him the cat is not staying (even though of course I do want to keep her) I’m going to send her to rescue.  He says “No No No No- I know you want that cat your kids are in love with that cat it’s already been here and you guys are attached to the cat. So absolutely DO NOT get rid of that cat because you will be making me the bad guy and no thank you to that. The kids will know it was me who spoiled it and made you get rid of the cat.”  He was piiiiiiissed.  But told me not to get rid of the cat. 

Soooooo I kept the cat.   But he couldn’t sleep and was so upset because he took this as a HUGE sign that I don’t want to live with him since he said he wouldn’t live with a cat and now here’s cat that will be around for a long time. When this came up in an argument a month or so later, and I reminded him that he told me to keep the cat that he did not want to be the bad guy or make my kids upset that they had to part with the kitten.  He told me I should’ve known better and that I was supposed to go ahead and not keep the kitty of my own accord, not because he told me to.

Great when he tells me this NOW, after we are all really and truly attached to the cat and after the cat is very attached to us.  She loves and trusts us very much.   I’m reluctant to even try and rehome her now. This is her home. And I love her. I know I should’ve discussed this with SO more as it’s a big decision that affects us both in the event we live together.  And I do want to live together. I just want him to accept a cat like he said he would.  It’s JUST a cat. Its not a sign that I don’t love SO or want to live together. 

Now SO is so mad. He doesn’t want to come over. He’s pissed all the time about me getting a cat.  It’s almost getting worse.  The more he thinks about it, the more upset he is and it’s snowballing into a huge thing.  Also he flat out said he will NEVER EVER EVER live with a cat.  He wants to live with me 100%.  This is not him looking for an excuse not to live together. He does.  Just not with my cat.  

Honestly ..... I love this cat. I really do. It’s important to me.  So important that it was one of the few questions I ask in the beginning of a relationship. Dealbreaker questions.  And for me a cat is one of those questions.  

I understand how he feels.  ***He feels like I chose this cat over him. Over his feelings. Over our relationship.  And he’s very very butthurt.***

But it’s JUST A CAT.  I get it. He doesn’t like cats.  I wish he would get over it and do this for me.  He wishes I would get rid of the cat for him.   I told him, it’s fine you don’t have to live with a cat.  He said Neither do you.  

I think he should accept the cat because it means so much to me.  Just deal with it it’s not the worst thing in the world. He thinks I don’t care about his feelings and that I should not have a cat because it means so much to him. 
 
AITA?

