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Seeing the post [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/abv65u/aita\_for\_telling\_my\_wife\_that\_whenif\_she\_quits/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/abv65u/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_whenif_she_quits/) reminded me that my wife wanted to be a SAHP because of day care costs.

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I work full time and have been the main source of income for my household for most of our twenty five year marriage. My wife worked for the first seven years of our marriage, and when our oldest was four, she quit her job to be a SAHP.  She said it was because after paying for daycare, that she felt she was making too little money to continue working.   This implied to me after our kids were older (and not in need of daycare), that she would be returning to work.

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I do most of the home upkeep myself and also fold laundry, wash dishes, some of the cooking.   I do the yardwork myself after repeated hassles with our sons about cutting the yard or raking leaves that I do these chores myself.  My wife feels like I should be paying our sons to cut the yard.

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When our oldest was a senior in high school, my wife said that she would be finding a job.  I expressed my concerns about money, wanting to be able to continue saving for retirement, to have money for going on a vacation, to have money to have the house remodeled.  We have a nice house, two older cars, are able to go out to dinner when we want, but do not go on expensive vacations or otherwise indulge ourselves.  It would be very helpful to have the additional income

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Three years later, my wife has not found a job.  She finally has told me that she does not want to work, and that since I make so much money, that she does not need to work.   During the last two years, we have spent over $20,000 on our oldest's college; we have stopped saving.  Our middle child is graduating from high school this spring, our youngest is also in high school.

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My wife says that she has to stay home to take care of the kids.  My day consists of leaving for work around 7am and returning around 6:30.  Some nights I come home to dirty dishes and leftovers, some nights I come home to my wife saying she does not know what to have for dinner.   As far as I can tell, my wife does very little during the day, sometimes she makes dinner.   

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My wife feels like I am being too hard on our oldest, I have told him that he needs to look for a summer job.  Last summer, he found a job only after he had been home for seven weeks.  And the job was only part time, so he did not earn that much.  My wife says that our oldest has to deal with the consequences of not working, and all I can think is about spending $10,000 on a really nice vacation or buying a used Miata instead of paying his tuition next year.

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Am I an asshole for wanting my wife to work?