
TLDR at the bottom. 

This was all articulated horribly and I apologize. If you have any questions ask, I’m sure I can answer them much better than what I have typed here.

Also if I sound one-sides let me know and I’ll try and explain her side of it better.


Had an argument with my gf today regarding my tone, attitude, being rude etc.  Starting at the beginning so this might be long. I was upset about something completely unrelated to her. We were texting and I guess she noticed and called me. I don’t really like taking about stuff until I want to or until I’m ready to so I told her I’m fine. She then asked if I was mad at her, which she does frequently. I told her there was no possible way I could be, I was busy doing something else. it was obvious what I was upset at and she even mentioned what it was. I still said I was fine because it’s not something I was willing to talk about yet. She then said I was being rude to her because of the tone of my voice. I said of course my tone was the way it was because I’m upset but nothing was directed towards her nor was I being rude or mean. But apparently I was “rude” and I was “mad”.  She then called me out for not talking to her and telling her what’s wrong even though I talk about pretty much everything with her and if there is something I don’t want to talk about in that exact moment, I eventually do. What’s the issue? There is nothing wrong with me sounding upset I can’t possibly switch to a happier tone just because she calls me. I told her that she has to respect that i don’t want to talk about it right now. 

The argument escalated she continued to accuse me of being angry etc and I will admit I started noticeably getting “mad” I guess but I quickly calmed myself and spoke in a neutral tone.  I do this because apparently my tone and attitudes in arguments make me an asshole and mean. I’m not saying I’m perfect or anything like that I know I get out of hand in arguments sometimes but not to the extent that she says. ANYWAYS.  I mentioned how her voice is when she’s upset which is occurs frequently and that I don’t take it as being rude or mean. Her response was that “it’s different”. I then asked her what did I say that was rude. She said “I can’t remember” I replied with “if it’s so important why can’t you remember it?” And she got tight and said I was mocking her? I felt I was being argumentative if anything?

Arguments  like this occur frequently because she takes whatever I say or I’m doing and assumes It’s about her in whenever it involves any negative emotion. A great example of this is when I had to give my dog away. I had her for like 6 months but I loved that dog. I was devastated as soon as she left the house. I didn’t want to talk to anyone and was feeling the shittiest I’ve felt in a long time. To the point where I was holding back tears. ANYWAYS, she somehow thought it was about her and said I was taking it out on her? I wasn’t even talking to her and could barely speak without my voice breaking. I definitely did not want to talk about this in that moment and definitely didn’t want to talk to anyone. Am I wrong for that? She says that I should just say I don’t want to talk about it but even that has caused problems before, on top of that it should be obvious that I don’t want to talk about it and why or how could I possibly be upset with her in these situations? (Before the argument happens) they absolutely have nothing to do with her, they have very obvious reasons as to why I’m upset and she knows how I am. She knows I don’t like talking about things until I want to etc etc. But still she somehow assumes me being upset has to do with my being mad at her? 

AITA?

TLDR: Girlfriend thinks I’m always mad at her when I’m upset at other things. Even if the emotion is unrelated to anger. She also frequently points out that I talk to her in a negative way and that I’m rude even if I’m using a neutral tone or just being argumentative. A neutral tone that I’ve come to speak in because apparently how I normally argue is me being an asshole and mean. Basically I never win and according to her I’m somehow always rude, mean and mad at her. Even if i feel that way about things completely unrelated to her. 