Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : My friend is not a racist. I know this by just knowing him for many years. However, he often uses outrageous language, most notably "nigger-faggot" (as one word, not "faggot-nigger" or other variations), mostly as a friendly jab at our friends. I told him he's being racist and insensitive and he should stop saying it. 

He disagreed. He gave me a list of reasons why he should be able to say it: 

1) he only uses it around friends (true)

2) he is not a racist or homophobic (true, unless you think using the word makes you one)

3) he is not using it in a racist/homophobic context, as in, it is not directed at any homosexual or black person (true)

4) it's part of his upbringing, the music he listens to, the culture he's part of (partially true)

5) he doesn't like it when people tell him what he can and can't say  

I told him the word makes me uncomfortable, but he says this is irrelevant, and that if I am so upset by it, I should find a new friend group. Notably, he says I have no legitimate reason for it upsetting me (as I am neither black nor gay), but I said the reason is irrelevant because I'm bothered by it regardless. I countered by saying that if he were my friend, he would recognize something that makes me uncomfortable and stop using it.   

So it feels like a stalemate. We're both doing something the other doesn't want and it's incompatible. 

If we were being dramatic, one of us would end up leaving the group of friends, but most of our friends agree with him, and it's certainly not something I'd lose a friendship over. The only way I see this going is that it's ignored and pushed aside until it happens again. Like a never ending fight of low stakes.  

&amp;#x200B;

tl;dr Who is the asshole: me for expecting someone to change their language because someone is offended or them for being unwilling to change their behavior? 