I made a post about this in another subreddit, so this is mostly copy and pasted from that. The core of my problem is at the end, if you want to skip there. 

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I'm in this online community where we talk over discord. I've met some of my best friends there, including my best friend who I've known for almost 4 years now, and although we do have some drama, it's worth it because I really truly love these people.

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The most recent drama happened when I found out the aforementioned friend had made a private group chat with some of my other close friends. Of course I was hurt - why wouldn't they want me there? The real problem though, was that I had to kind of push him to tell me, because I suspected it and if I didn't know for sure, my mind would have gone to a very dark place and assumed the worst. See, I have anxiety, which means that I have a tendency to get very paranoid and assume the worst of a situation is true, especially in situations like this, where I think there might be people doing things without me, especially very close friends like this. But, to make things worse, I later found out that he hadn't told me the full truth about this group chat. I won't say specifically, but the important part is that he left out some crucial details about what they were doing in the chat. I found this out from a different friend who was also in the group.

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This really hurt me. I thought I could trust my friend. I would have trusted him with anything. I understand why he held back, cause he knew it would hurt me, but being lied to hurts so much worse. I hate being left in the dark. When there's important information about me that I don't know, I tend to panic and overreact, because of my anxiety, and the only real thing that helps is getting some solid, concrete facts. So now that I know he doesn't want to tell me the whole truth in certain situations, I find it harder to trust him.

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So here's the real conflict: I now trust him less, and I know he's inclined to do things behind my back, without me. However, he feels like me asking about these things is an invasion of his privacy. Of course I believe he has a right to privacy, and I also know he has a right to do whatever with whoever he wants, however much it may hurt me. I feel conflicted though. As I mentioned, when I'm in the dark I panic, so I go to him and ask him if he's doing things without me, which he feels is an invasion of his privacy. But I don't know what else to do. Not knowing is so much more painful. I don't know how to respect his privacy but also be aware of what's going on. 

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I've never felt so conflicted. I feel like a real asshole for invading his privacy and for not feeling like I can trust him as much now. I feel like maybe I'm a bad friend for not trying to understand his side enough or something... I'm having trouble making sense out of this situation entirely.