Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : I dated my ex, "Tom" for 9 years. For the most part our relationship was amazing, but I hit a rough personal spot a couple years in &amp; had to process some trauma/issues. Tom loaned me money to pay my rent/food and did his best to support me through all of it, but it changed the dynamic of our relationship in a fairly negative way. Over time, my anxiety and depression progressed to the point where I had trouble leaving the house without having a panic attack and I leaned heavily on his willingness to help me avoid dealing with my problems. It took me over 6mo to get back on my feet &amp; start paying him back (to the tune of about $10k) which left him feeling taken advantage of (and me feeling like a piece of shit). 

&amp;#x200B;

However, back then Tom didn't really understand depression as an illness. He was convinced that I should just be able to 'decide' to change things, and that by not doing so it just meant I didn't care enough. So while I remember feeling very lost, ashamed, and in crisis - in his mind, I was just being lazy or manipulative. He's not an awful guy by any stretch, just very action-oriented. 

&amp;#x200B;

Unsurprisingly, the situation fostered a lot of resentment in both of us. Even when I was eventually able to claw my way into a good place both personally and professionally, I couldn't share that progress with Tom because I was still dealing with the emotional fallout of his resentment &amp; disbelief that depression was really a thing.

&amp;#x200B;

I broke up with him about 2 years ago, and shortly after, his dad passed away. It happened suddenly and I tried to drop everything and support him, regardless. Things were okay for the first couple weeks, but eventually he started talking about being depressed. I don't know why, but it was kind of hard to see the concept suddenly legitimized only when he started to struggle with it. 

&amp;#x200B;

I tried not to think about it, but I started to notice myself veering dangerously towards the same old depression cliff - and I spent weeks stuck in this tug-of-war weighing my own personal mental health against my desire to not be awful. In the end, I distanced myself, and more or less abandoned him to deal with his grief on his own. The thought of it still wrecks me.

&amp;#x200B;

Flash forward to now: Tom has been trying to rekindle a friendship and he's said he forgives me for what happened, and apologized not supporting me more years ago - but I just can't shake the feeling that I did something unforgivably selfish. Am I an asshole?