My brother has been sick for a few months, and recently asked for my help managing the beurocratic side of things, because with his pain he just didn't have the energy. 

I've put a lot of time and energy into lining him up with decent care providers, and dealing with insurance to make sure the services are covered. He has a long road ahead of him, but the doctors are paying off and he is feeling better. He's offered multiple times to pay me for my time, but I know that he has this massive, internalized guilt from our shitty childhood, over feeling like a burden. Its important to me that he knows HE doesn't get to decide when he's a burden on me. Only I get to decide that for myself.

So I keep refusing payment because a) the burden thing, b) he's my brother and I really don't feel like he owes me anything, and c) even though he's volunteering it, it still feels way too much like extorting a sick person for money. The last time he brought it up, I kinda laughed it off, and said he should just get me something nice for Christmas if he felt like it. 

HOWEVER my husband and I are saving for some pretty big life expenses, coming up, and as a result have zero budget for fun, frivolous things. I'm a fountain pen enthusiast, and just found out that a pen I LOVE, that I thought I couldn't buy in the US, can in fact he purchased and shipped to me from a website I just learned about. I want this pen like no other, but absolutely cannot justify spending the roughly $60 (after shipping and taxes). WIBTA for asking my brother to get it for me? I have zero intention of asking for anything else, M- also has a passing interest in fancy pens and wouldn't think it was weird, and I'd be absolutely fine with not getting more than a card or phone call for my birthday/Christmas (we usually spend $30-$60 on each other for each, depending on what games or books the other likes that are out at the time).

I'm wrestling with my own feelings of selfishness and guilt, and would really appreciate judgements from other folks. Am I being to hard on myself, or am I being a frivolous, materialistic asshole?