Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST :   

\*\*Sorry for how long this ended up being. I appreciate anyone who gets through the whole thing. \*\*

Several years ago, I moved from OR to FL to take care of my father. He was a recent widow and fell into a deep depression that he would not acknowledge. His home could have easily been on Hoarders and he drank himself to sleep every night. I didn’t want to lose another parent, so I dropped everything and came to live with him. After three years he was back on his feet and was healthy again. He still drank too much, but he was more like himself and the house was back to normal. I had met my husband to-be and wanted to start our lives together. Neither of us wanted to settle down in FL so my husband and I moved to GA to be close to all our east coast family. 

One year later, my dad lost his job of 24 years. That sent him back down the bottle and he went from being a functioning alcoholic to a nonfunctioning one. He blew through his savings and started pulling out his retirement funds. He peed in bottles instead of paying the water bill and flushing the toilet. A homeless man moved in with him and slept in a nest on the living room floor. There was no way to get to the second floor as every room and the stairway was filled with garbage. There was a “deer trail” between the chest-high garbage to get from the front door to the kitchen but that was the only place you could see the (filthy) floor. Oh, and did I mention the cat pee and poop scattered like little presents everywhere? Oh, and the flee, rat, and roach infestation? Sorry, it’s all coming back as I type this. They say you need to let people hit rock bottom, but I couldn’t see my dad going any lower. He’s since admitted he knows was killing himself. 

I didn’t want to move back with dad. Instead, I asked him to come to GA and move in with me and my husband.  He tried to say no, and that he was going to fix up the house to sell for a lot of money, but I knew that was just a dream. Eventually I cleaned out his house (it took four dumpsters and two full weeks of digging through rat poop infested garbage) and moved him in with me. I’ve spent the last couple of years getting him back to health (again). That was his only job, just focus on getting better. He hasn’t had a drink for over 12-months, he went to therapy, and has taken care of various other issues with his health. I’m proud of him. But now that he is healthy again, I want more and need to know if I’m being the asshole.

AITA #1) When I met my husband in FL he lived 2 hours away. He moved in with me and my dad for a month or two, so he could check out the area for his own place closer to me.  My dad and my then-boyfriend got along so well that my husband never moved out. He lived with me and my dad for well over a year. Dad said he didn’t expect my husband to pay rent since it didn’t cost dad anything extra to have him there. I wouldn’t have that and insisted that my husband paid a fair share of rent to my dad. My husband agreed, and I collected the money each month and gave it to my dad. 

Now that my dad is healthy again, I would like him to pay rent towards the house we all live in. He thinks this is unfair since he is just using the spare room and the shed for his tools that he uses to help around the house. For example, over the last two years he’s been trying to finish painting the windowsills…. They are still not done. I’d be willing to trade his handywork for rent if he did enough work to make himself a partner in this house. But he says he shouldn’t have to pay for a house he has no equity in and that he only wants to do the projects he likes, when he feels like it. He says it is wrong for us to expect him to take care of my home and anything he does is a gift. I asked him to live here, so AITA for asking him to contribute now that he’s healthy again? 

AITA #2) My dad’s sister roped him into a real-estate deal that has cost my father over 80k to date. He’s spent almost all his retirement though, so he can no longer afford to pay the mortgage. He’s looking into taking a loan to cover the mortgage and to fix up the dilapidated house on the property. I’ve been in several arguments with him, begging for control to take over the sale of the property. He wants to sell it eventually but is letting my aunt try to manage the sale. I sold his home in FL for him and he was thrilled with the result ($20k more than his realtor said was possible). His sister hasn’t been able to get the property listed in over a year. As his final retirement funds drain away, I am freaking out that I will be financially and physically responsible for my father for the rest of his life. I could help by getting that other property sold and getting his investment back to him. He says he knows I can help but wants me to stay out of it. But I can’t let it go. It’s like watching an incredibly slow car accident and I want to jump in and save the people in the car. Thanksgiving turned into a screaming match over this and he said I need to mind my own business. His monetary choices affect me too, but it is his money, so maybe I’m the asshole for butting in?