Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : About 8 months ago the company I was at laid off over half of the development team. I was not laid off, but it was made pretty clear that there was not going to be room to grow there so I started looking for a new job. Got a new offer within a month at a place about 45 minutes - 1 hour away for $25k more than I was making. During rush hour my commute was about 1h15m - 1h30m. I'd leave around 7am and get home around 6:30pm.

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Our lease was ending in three months, and we had been planning on moving out already. I suggested moving somewhere in-between where we work and let her choose the place. So she found a place she thought she liked and we ended up moving there. It's about a 30 minute commute to work for me, and a 30-40 minute commute to work for her depending on traffic.

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Now, for the hobby. She's part of a non-profit organization from our college that creates cat sanctuaries. She takes care of two cats that live outside her house from junior year. It's about 10 minutes from her work, but it's in the opposite direction. Her commute home, including feeding the cats (as in parking, going to the sanctuary and feeding the cats), is about 1h15m.

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She hates it, understandably, because having a 1h15m commute sucks balls. But it's a hobby, there's other people in the organization that can help feed the cats, but she's adamant that she has to be the one to do it. She wants me to look for a new job so that we can move back to where we used to live.

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In the first month, I said yeah we can do that once our lease is up, but I've actually grown to like my new job a lot. I'm a respected member of the team, the workload is pretty heavy but manageable, my boss is a great guy, and the money is good. I even got a 5k raise in my yearly review. I said we can try to move 15 minutes closer, but she says that's barely going to make a difference and we have to move all the way back.

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I just think that's ridiculous. I get that she loves these cats, but I don't think she needs to be the one to feed them every day. I think it would be absolutely absurd to leave my job just so that she can be closer to the cats. She complains about it constantly and we keep getting in fights because I tell her she should just let someone else feed them during the week and that I wouldn't move anywhere that my commute would be longer than 45 minutes.

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My latest suggestion has been that we wait for our lease to end and try to see if we can switch to monthly payments with no lease, then if I can find a new job that seems good we can move. She's not happy with that and wants to move as soon as the lease is up. We ended up getting into a fight about it where I said that living somewhere that our commutes to work are similar is more important than living close to her cats.

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I get that it's important to her. Hell, I even used to drive her there every weekend before she got a car, and helped pay for the food before she started taking food donations. I actually think it's amazing what she does and how committed she is to them, but I just think it's ridiculous to base decisions about my career around these cats.

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So, am I the asshole?