Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : This is my first time posting here so forgive me if I mess anything up. Im doing my best to follow every rule that you guys have. 

So onto the issue at hand: I met my current girlfriend when we were in college (about 5ish years ago). We started out as fuck-buddies to blow off some steam in-between classes. We both had huge sex drives and would have sex at least 3-4 times a week, often times with multiple times during a meet up. We both eventually developed feelings for each other and we’re now happily in a relationship. Sex/physical touch is really important to me. It’s how I feel close to my partner.

We’ve been together almost five years now, and for the last two I’ve noticed a significant decrease in our sex life. I’ve tried addressing the issue with my partner multiple times but she just kind of blows it off, blaming it on stress or being tired. 

Here’s some background: About two years ago, I got a promotion that required me to move to a new city. I talked with my partner and we both agreed that we would relocate. However, that new city is notoriously more expensive than where we were living. We weren’t struggling, but she got a second job to help out. She would often work 20 hours a week on top of her normal 30 hours a week at her primary job. This is when I first noticed a drop in our sex life. But, I understood. We were in a new city, had new jobs, she was working more. So our sex decreased from 3-4 a week to maybe once a month. We also put on a bit of weight (both of us) nothing drastic, maybe 20-30lbs. Relationship gut and all. She still looked absolutely stunning. I would do everything in my power to tell her that she was sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, etc. I complimented her constantly, but when I tried to even makeout with my girlfriend, she would push me away and tell me to stop. That she didn’t feel attractive or that she was tired, or that she wasn’t in the mood. I tried to motivate us both to get to the gym but she would go with me for a bit and then give up. Not to mention that whenever we would go we would bicker and argue, so we stopped going. 

This went on for about a year. Then I got word that I was up for another promotion at work that required me to move… right back to the city where we started. So up we go, we pack and move back down to the first city. We’re happier, living in a place that costed half of what we were paying in the other city. So she only needed to work one job. Yay! 

However, then we find out her mom is sick. The doctors give her about 1-2 weeks before her mom is dead. So she packs everything and flies out to take care of her mom. Well, it turns out that her mom rallies and she ends up being out there for 3 months taking care of her mom in this never ending roller coaster of will she or won’t she die. She ends up coming back home while her mom is still sick because she ran out of time-off and had to go back to work. Now, I know that she’s in a pretty fucked up headspace from this. So, I give her some space and don’t pressure her whatsoever. Our sex life has dropped from once a month to basically non-existent. I try a few times but get pushed away. Not a big deal. I totally understand. I comfort her during this hard time, staying up late talking with her, building blanket forts, taking care of the chores around the house, giving her back rubs and doing everything I can to ensure that she feels taken care of and secure.

A few months go by, and we haven’t had sex. I try talking about it and she bursts into tears about her mom dying and how she can’t even fathom being sexual. It sucks, but again— I get it. This goes on for about seven months, all the while her mom is on a transplant list (I literally don’t know how she went from 1-2 weeks to seven months. Call it a miracle or just the classic Russian stubbornness but it is what it is). Finally, she gets a transplant! Yay! She flies back for the transplant and all goes well. Her mom is in recovery and doing well!

Awesome! So, she comes back home but her sex drive still hasn’t changed. It’s been about six months since the successful transplant and we haven’t had sex in almost 4 months. Everyday she comes home and smokes a ton of weed and gets way too high, and won’t even kiss me let alone anything else. I’ve tried talking to her about this subject so many times but all I get is lip service and her telling me “I’ll work on it” or “I’m going to therapy” but nothing changes. I still am doing my best to take care of her and let her know that she’s loved, but Im starting to get really frustrated with her because for almost 2 years we’ve only had sex a handful of times. Maybe about 4 or 5. And like I said earlier, sex is really important to me. It’s how I feel close to my partner. And without sex (or physical intimacy) I feel more and more distant to my partner. I’ve tried talking with her about not having sex but just doing foreplay or just making out, but she refuses to compromise and just falls back on how “emotionally hollow” she feels and how she just can’t give that to me. 

She’s talking about marriage soon and I cannot even begin to think about getting married to someone who can’t be intimate with me in any meaning of the word. I still love this woman to death and I can’t imagine being without her, but I feel like a complete asshat for having needs and wanting to have sex with her. Life is full of stressors and emotional events and I think it’s important for us not to let that get in-between our relationship or our intimacy.

So, AITA for being hesitant about marriage because of our lack of intimacy in our relationship?


TL;DR: Girlfriend and I have been together almost 5 years, but our sex life has decreased significantly for the last two years of our life due to multiple stressors in our life. Girlfriend is talking about marriage but I don’t know if I can get married to a woman who doesn’t want to be intimate with me anymore.