Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : I've been on this project at work for a software pilot for months now. Both myself and "Tara" had been assigned to this project as co-managers. I've had bad experiences with her in a past project - she basically pushed me out by withholding info and excluding me from meetings - but I've tried my best to forget about it. But this one's not going so smoothly, either.

Tara's demanded that I run every email past her, run every potential meeting time past her (even though I can see when people are free because calendars), every idea I've proposed to her she's shot down, etc.

She's also pulled me into private meetings with her where she literally just criticizes me the whole time. Tara's criticized me for:

\-answering questions the software company has of us ("you didn't have to answer that for them so quickly - you don't owe them speed; they're serving us, and you should run your response by me first anyways").

\-sympathizing/agreeing with another employee on the project when they privately voiced frustrations about the software.

\-offering to help the database transition go a bit smoother for the software company (it would have taken seconds for us to do, whereas the other method would have taken the company hours). When I explained to her why I offered, she grew angry and said, "Well, that's their problem to deal with."

Tara's also tried to get the project manager on the software company's end in trouble with his boss. She's kept records of every (actual or not) mistake he's made - told me to do the same - and reported them to his boss when he's been nothing but very polite to us.

She's consistently hostile in the meetings with them, too. She's accusatory and passive aggressive and very demanding.

Today was the final straw, however. She wrote out what she intended to do next to myself and our managers. Part of that was related to asking the company more about the data transfer - my area of expertise as someone in IT - and she'd mentioned that she was going to be busy all day, so I responded and told her I'd contact them about that particular matter to save her time.

She asked me privately if I'd asked my manager his opinion, first. I responded and copied him on the email and said that I had, in person. She whipped back and wrote like four paragraphs about how I shouldn't have sent the company the question, there was no need for urgency, "I was going to ask them that in my email tomorrow along with other things, perhaps I wasn't clear enough? I appreciate that you're eager to move the project along, but we should really work to improve our workflow". Worse yet, she copied my manager on it.

I know this might be a "duh, you're NTA", but for someone to be this extreme, it makes me wonder if I'm doing something incredibly wrong to have made her feel she needs to control everything? That I did something bad/am incompetent enough to provoke this reaction from her? Or is she just as bonkers as I'm thinking she is?