Im a 22F and my Husband is a 28M. About 6 months into dating I rescued a kitten someone found in a dumpster where I work (the apartment complex where we live). I tried to rehome him at first but the couple returned him to me after only 24 hours. I became too worried someone would dump him again so I decided to keep him. He grew into a gorgeous huge tabby cat.  

My husband went out on the patio two nights ago and didn’t shut the door all the way and he got out. I told every resident that came in to keep an eye out for him and my office staff. 

This morning I was driving up to the office and found him. My poor baby was stuck violently by a car. I immediately started hysterically crying. I called my husband bawling and told him. He was crying too. I parked with my hazards on until he walked to where we were I didn’t want him to get hit again. After work we are going to my parents home in the country to bury him. Several of my residents saw me sitting on the curb bawling and have come in to give their condolences. 

He has apologized 100 times in the 4 hours we have known. I have told him it is okay. He texted me asking what he could do to make me feel better and I said, “honestly nothing will make it better, but it happened. I just want to spend this time mourning instead of talking about whose ‘fault’ it is. It is a horrible accident. I’m heart broken, but I just need space alone to come to terms with it”. He told me he understood. That is not apparently the case.

Instead of letting me spend my day alone at work, has come up here twice going on and on about how it’s his fault and whatever else and *again* asks me what he can do to make me feel better. I told him that him coming up here and doing the opposite of what I asked earlier is only making it worse for me. I am rather numb and emotionless atm so my calmness right now may be the issue. 

He got super offended and started talking about how he’s never had a pet die before and I have  (as if that makes it any easier for me?). It sounded like he wanted me to pity him and magically absolve him of the guilt he is feeling. I didn’t say much and just kept nodding. Then he said, “I guess we will forget he ever existed then” as if I was sweeping it under the rug and I told him to stop trying to make this whole thing about him. That it was “a really shit thing that happened, but I’m not going to keep entertaining this blame game. I want to mourn alone and bury him after work” and told him to please leave. He told me, “You don’t have to be such an asshole”. I didn’t even respond to that. I just went into my office and shut the door and he stormed off. 

I understand he feels immensely guilty about this. However, he asked what I needed to cope and instead of doing what I asked he did the opposite and made me feel like the asshole. I’ve in no way made him feel like it was his fault, but now he’s mad at me? This is the first pet he’s ever had pass away. I get that, but am I really the asshole for this?