I am 25, English of Pakistani background with not particularly traditional parents.

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Growing up - parents had a terrible relationship. Dad had a high paying job and a daily alcohol habit. He would force us to study for exams many years ahead and heavily restrict us because a lot of things he perceived as "dangerous" and distracting. His restriction meant that I was really timid. Wasn't allowed to go to parties or near alcohol, I turned down most social invitations.  He was angry - I'd get hit a lot and verbally insulted every day. But he cared a lot for me and worked very hard for me - worked 24h/day sometimes accumulating a large "trust fund" for us. I'm not allowed to use the money but it is there for the long term. The reason he was so stressed is because he wanted us to do well - probably at the cost of a happy childhood which it seems he must not have prioritised over long term happiness. I was still miserable most of the time.

Left for uni, had a great time. Finished uni, I have a free flat provided by work. I chose to return and live with my parents because it was expected of me and I would feel guilty otherwise. They have nothing else and devoted themselves to us. However I am miserable. 

Generally I just don't talk to my dad all. I just don't feel like he's a friend, just this authoritarian figure. And casual conversation is difficult with him. I feel like exposing myself to him even by being my natural self would make me vulnerable.

 The house is in need of renovation and he gets angry that I don't do this. I'm not happy most of the time and don't feel like it. I wish it could be easier. I feel like my life needs to revolve around what dad will think. I don't feel free to do what I want. He's still restrictive about drinking etc. Luckily I very rarely drink but I'd like freedom to make that decision. I chose to move away for work next year. Stressed about choosing where to live because I know dad will have a problem with what I want. When I applied elsewhere initially he ordered me not to then called me selfish when I insisted and didn't speak to me for a week or so. Later (after I applied) he said he would support me.

I frequently anger him e.g. spending weekends away with very short notice, spending most of my time in my room and not doing the house / interacting with him. When I've tried to talk it through he doesn't respond until he wants the dispute to end. It feels very intimidating, honestly I feel a pit of negative energy initiating these interactions. 

I've just become more and more withdrawn. I can't be bothered to make any effort to interact genuinely with him. I just want to move away so hopefully I can find my own feet and be happy. But they did so much for me and still care for me very much, the guilt is phenomenal.