So this has been brewing in my head for a week or so and on &amp; off for a while in general. The thoughts all started when I brought up having a will and she said she would immediately take the pets and go back to Germany if I died tomorrow. I'm from a major city in America and she's from a major city in Germany. 

Every time anything doesn't go her way or people are a special kind of asshole she goes down the road of "this country *such n such*" and "in Germany this would be different" which kind of hurts because, ya know, this is my country. She talks to her family back home just about every day (which is fine) so it's not like she has a bad relationship with them. She tends to look forward to seeing them more than anything else we do all year. I understand it since I would be homesick too. It's natural, right? We do have pretty good communication. She is 100%fluent in English. 

There have been the tirades of "I didn't plan on staying here" and "I'm only here because you're here." I've told her on numerous occasions that she makes me feel a ton of pressure when she says that. She even says "I know I'm not being forced to stay here" and I get a chin hair away from saying "then fucking go already" but I wouldn't do that because I love her and that's a true dick head thing to say.

Today was the day where I found the correct words to not sound like an attack (IMHO). I said "what can we do to help you feel better about being here?" and "How does it sound to have kids and for 10 years you're saying to them 'yaaayy we're moving to Germany in X amount of years!' while we wait for my retirement even though we don't know what our lives will be 15 years from now" with the conversation continuing along the lines of let's get you invested in being here. You hate your lack of vacations and my health insurance? Maybe start looking in to better jobs (I'm a government employee). I also said "I know you got excited when I said 'I could see retiring in Germany' on our trip but we can't go the next 15+ years waiting for that when we're supposed to be starting our own family since we said our vows."

Her short and general response is she knows and she feels she needs green card stuff to work out before going for a search for passions and career stuff but I softly called bullshit because nothing distracts from stress like new stress or trying new things. So for the next 4 hours we silently are dinner and watched TV while she practically forgot I was there while focusing emotions towards the pets. Damn near went to sleep without saying a word. I asked what's up with all that and she said "I'm just in my thoughts" (bit my tongue to stop from saying "no shit, Sherlock").

So, am I the asshole?

TLDR - wife of two years seems to be holding out for us to move to Germany when I retire in 15+ years and I finally give a push for her to invest some effort in enjoying life here which has resulted in silence and being ignored for the rest of the night. 