I always loved my grandparents growing up. We had a good relationship, they were fun when I was a kid, and even when I was a rebellious teenager I knew we didn't have the same views on pretty much anything, but I still respected them.

In the last 5 or so years however, they've made it progressively harder to find reason to respect them other than the whole "you're my moms parents" thing. They've always been conservative, but they've fallen HARD into all the shit that's going on today. We have a family rule not to talk about politics at family gatherings because it always ends in an argument, but my grandfather always finds a way to inject some racist remark into the conversation. It's gotten to the point where no one even enjoys getting together anymore because everyone's tiptoeing around each other trying not to set someone off. My entire family is being held emotionally hostage because no one wants to say something that would trigger grandpa and get him ranting about some racist , xenophobic shit.

My fiance and I have been together for four years, and we've lived together for almost three of those. Everyone in my family knows except my grandparents who would throw a fit if they found out. It's to the point where if we're spending the night at my parents on a holiday we put our things in separate bedrooms to keep up a facade that we're not going to sleep together. And in conversations I often find myself having to lie to pretend we're still living apart. I put up with it because it's just not worth the shit it would start, but I'm fucking tired of it.

My brother and his wife just announced they're pregnant. Super exciting, until I find out that when they told my grandparents, my grandfather decided to lecture her about how a child needs their mother and it would be irresponsible of her to keep working after having the child. She just started working her first job in the field she went through six years of intense schooling for last year.

Now fast forward to a couple weeks ago. We were in the process of calling everyone in our family to announce our engagement. As expected everyone was very excited and congratulatory, then we get to my grandparents. The first words out of my grandfather's mouth were "well you better hurry up!" as in, "you better do it soon or we won't be around to see it".

My fiance and I laughed it off, but on the inside I actually thought to myself for the first time "good". There's a lot of other shit going on in our lives right now, so we were planning on a long engagement anyway. We're not planning on having the kind of traditional wedding they'd be happy with, so I'm sure they'd have something to say about that, and I really just don't want what's supposed to be a fun celebration sullied by their bullshit. I'm over it, and I'm tired of them assuming their ignorant opinions have any weight at all in the way I live my life. I really don't care if they're there or not, in fact I almost prefer they weren't. AITA?