Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST :  

As part of a scheme I'm working on to try and not want to blow my brains out, I keep my interactions with my mother to a bare minimum. After realizing that a lot of fucked up stuff that happened during my childhood and early twenties was inexcusable, borderline sociopathic behavior and realizing that she relentlessly attacks her children's self esteem so that they will never grow out of their fucked up co-dependent relationship with her, I actively pursued the juuust right amount of Mom in my life: as little as possible without causing a whole thing with my siblings. She gets a call on Thanksgiving and Christmas and a card on Mother's Day and her Birthday. End of list.

It was a good system while it lasted, but that all went up in smoke when my husband and I had to take in my nine year old nephew. It's a long story and the why isn't super relevant to the AITA question. My husband and I are indefinitely raising my nephew. He's a really great kid and we both consider it a privilege to get to be there for him. Obviously, this means I can't continue to freeze out my mom without keeping her from her grandson which isn't something I'm willing to do. My nephew is really fond of his grandma and she's never demonstrated the kind of psychologically abusive behavior I remember from my childhood towards him (although I keep my head on a swivel for it). She's now regularly around my house to visit my nephew. I'm polite to her but keep it very all-business. Any personal questions are met with vague, noncommittal answers and I always steer the conversation back to logistics around visiting/babysitting/going out with my nephew. I'm committed to not letting her use my nephew as a shoe in the door to my life.

My husband, on the other hand, doesn't seem to share my commitment. His parents are very religious and more or less disowned him when he came out of the closet and we've always been supportive of each other's family baggage, but that seems to have all went out the window when he met her and she was suddenly around the house a lot. They will call each other 'just to catch up', go out to lunch, see a play, ect. I've made it very clear that I do not like this, but he always laughs it off like I'm fucking Lorelei Gilmore and not liking my mother is some fun "quirk" of mine that can just be waved off. I lost it when I found out he was telling her stories about me in college, dating, and just generally gossiping about my life in ways he knows I actively try to keep her in the dark about.  We had a tiff where I said I felt disrespected by him having such an informal relationship with my abuser and he said I was being controlling and if she's going to be in our house all the time, he should be free to do what he wants to make their relationship work.

&amp;#x200B;

So, AITA?