Going to try and keep this short. My SO and I have 2 little humans, 6 and 3. Our 6 is pretty chill and does what he does. Good in kindergarten, behaves in public, etc. Super independent. My 3, on the other hand, is totally stuck to my wife and is kind of a monster in public. Wife allows 3 YO to eat off her plate, come into bed, wander around restaurants, splay out and tantrum, refusing to do x, etc. Whenever I try to discipline I get called an asshole, etc.


Thing is that the birth of 3 almost cost both their lives. Wife definitely had PPD and I helped her get with a therapist and the appropriate meds for it. While she is still medicated she is no longer in therapy. I’ve been in touch with her provider and it’s mostly a preventative thing and they will be stepping down soonish (paperwork signed to talk to me because of the situation).


Long and short I had been gently suggesting that she is feeding into 3’s behavior by allowing her to behave the way she does. Recently I got fed up with it and called her out on it. I just want 3 to be independent and/or not freaking out every time she leaves the room. I was called a “heartless asshole” and that I didn’t care about our 3. 


Am I the asshole for trying to stick up for 3 or am I the the asshole for making her feel bad or neither?