Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : Backstory: started dating a girl who'd been clean for a year and a half from alcohol, meth, and heroin. I told her when we started dating that if she relapsed, I'd leave immediately. It's a firm line in the sand that I can't have crossed - my ex died from a heroin overdose, and I can't live through that again. I have never, or will ever, use hard drugs like heroin. 

After about 7 months together, her behavior started to change radically. She switched to a huge purse, which she would bring to the bathroom with her for a couple hours at a time. She'd come out obviously intoxicated, and when I asked about it she would say it was her new medication. In reality, she was keeping bottles of vodka and wine in her purse and drinking in the bathroom. 

She started hanging out with a 'friend', who I had never met. He was showing up at her house late at night, and vice versa. She told me they slept together once, 10 years ago, and had agreed they were better as friends. She also told me that he had kids with another woman and was in a long term relationship so was no threat. I asked her to not hang out alone at his house(or vice versa), at least until I had met him and had a chance to make my own man-on-man character appraisal. She agreed, and promised that if she sensed anything in terms of him trying to hit on her she would stop contact and tell me immediately. 

In reality, they were having sex less than a month before we started dating. He also happens to be a meth / heroin addict and dealer. I didn't know any of those details at the time, nor did I know he was asking her to have sex, sending her nude pictures of them together from when they used to have sex, providing her with alcohol, and sending dick pics. This was occurring almost daily for months. During this period we didn't have sex at all(around 5 months) because she would shut me down every time I tried. 

I finally discovered the emotional cheating when I was staying at her house. We had plans to spend the next couple days at my place, but at 2:30am she asked me to have my employee pick me up in the morning and drive me home - she needed to stay at her house alone to 'catch up on housework'. She had been absorbed in texting all night, and when she fell asleep on the couch I looked at what she had been up to. We have an open phone policy, she has free reign on mine and vice versa. She had made plans for her ex to come over at 10pm the next day, after making sure I would already have been long gone. I went through the 5 months of conversation and saw all the dick pics and invitations for sex that she had entertained - "that sounds really fun" types of responses every time. I left and went to a friend's, determined that she was cheating on me, and that I was going to leave her.

She called me over and over again throughout the day, and I agreed to sit down and talk. She convinced me she wasn't physically cheating, so I (like an idiot) forgave the emotional cheating if she promised to cut off contact with this guy.

Two days after this shit storm, I caught her with a pint glass of whiskey. I watched her go into the kitchen, sneakily fill up the glass from the bottle I keep for guests, and asked her directly when she walked back to the TV room if it had alcohol in it. She said "of course not, it's soda!" I grabbed the glass, sipped it, and almost threw up since it was pure booze. She then admitted to having been secretly drinking for months. Since then, she's been working hard on sobriety and going to AA meetings. She slipped up once but hasn't fully relapsed as far as I know. 



These are my thoughts: she probably cheated on me physically, and definitely cheated on me emotionally. She probably relapsed with either meth or heroin, and definitely relapsed with alcohol. I really do love her, and when she's got her shit together she's great. But I think she hasn't been honest about what really happened when I was at work or bit spending the night during those 5 months. And even if she has been truthful, hasn't physically cheated and hasn't used meth/heroin while we are together I feel like I can never fully trust her. 

I feel like she broke my heart with two massive breaches of trust in a two day span, and I've been trying to let it heal but I don't think I can move past it. I'm scared to death that if we have kids together, she'll be picking them up from school drunk after fucking some guy for meth. I'm also scared that if I leave her she'll start using again, and end up dead or worse.

Your thoughts are welcome, and thank you for listening. 