Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : I live in an apartment complex with four bedrooms per unit. Two shared bathrooms. Shared kitchen/living space. Last semester I only had two roommates, and while I wasn't fond of them, things were alright. Recently, the fourth room was filled, and it's started to fall apart. I lived in this apartment last year with friends, but two of them graduated and one dropped out, so it was just me, and the complex assigned these three roommates to fill the spots. All of them are best friends, and I don't know any of them.

I will admit that I tend to leave notes rather than talk to them directly. I do this for three reasons: 1. we're not usually home at the same time, or when we are we often have people over, so if I wait to talk to them in person when they're not busy with friends/boyfriends, I'd be waiting for days. A note is more convenient. In every rooming situation I've been in we've used notes mutually a lot to great affect; I only yesterday found out *these* roommates hate notes. 2. I often don't know *who* the note is addressed to. I don't know *whose* dishes are in the sink, I just know they've been there for days. 3. It's 3 against 1 and if it turns into a big argument I don't want to get ganged up on. I haven't left a lot of notes; last semester at the start of the semester when they were moving in and I was gone from 6am-12am every day, I left about three notes. The note I left above the sink this weekend is the only other note I've left. Otherwise I've talked to them in person or handled it myself (if both sides of the sink are full I'll consolidate it to one side so it's still usable, if they leave stuff in the dryer for a long time I'll take it out, if they leave trash in the living room I'll throw it out, etc.)

Anyway, two weeks ago my roommates we're all hanging out playing loud music and shouting and shrieking at about 1am. I was trying to sleep, so I peaked out my door and asked them to turn the music down. They immediately fell silent and disappeared into their rooms.

On Saturday, I was going out of town for the day, but they had been cooking a lot the last few days and our entire kitchen sink was full of their dirty pots and pans, so I left a note asking them to clean them.

Saturday night, it was 1am again and they came home *trashed*. They were loud, one of them was sobbing, they brought like  five different people with them (one of whom straight up opened my door and walked into my room, but I'm not blaming my roommates for that.) Since one of them was crying, I decided to bite my tongue and try to sleep through the noise. By 5am however they started blasting music, so I got up and went and asked them to either turn down the music or shut their doors. They all just stared at me. I went back to bed, and they shut their doors.

Sunday morning however, I was in bed and they were all in the kitchen with some of their friends. The walls and doors are paper thin, so I can hear them talking, and I realize they're talking about me. Their complaints:

1. First and foremost, that I ruin their vibe. Because I ask them to turn down their music late at night, because I ask them to not smoke weed in the apartment. They think that by doing so I am not respecting the fact that they also live here, we pay the same rent, etc.

2. They don't think I clean enough. Specifically on the topic of dishes, they complained that "we have to clean his dishes all the time, we've been cleaning his dishes like every day." This isn't true. It's just not. For one, I haven't eaten in two weeks, I'm sick, I don't have any dishes. For two, I put my dishes in the dishwasher as soon as I use them, and if I do have to soak a dish first, at the very least I only leave it a couple hours and don't take up both sides of the sink. They also argue I never clean because I don't sweep and they are the only ones who sweep. This is true. I argue they never clean because they don't wipe down counters, leave food caked in the microwave, they leave their shoes all over the entryway, etc. I'm the only one who cleans up that stuff.

Those are the big broad arguments. I kill their vibe and I don't clean. I think they're inconsiderate and they don't clean.

They hate my notes. But now they pace around in the kitchen going " I can't wait til he comes out of his room, I'm gonna get all up in his face, I'm gonna go off..." I don't feel comfortable or safe talking to them in person if they're just all going to surround me and yell at me.

One of my biggest issues is that *I didn't know these were issues.* Whenever they've left dishes in the sink for a long time, or clothes in the washer/dryer a long time, or they're really loud late at night, any time I have a problem, I communicate it. They have never communicated with me. Whenever they talk to me, they tell me how much they love me, how glad they are to have me as a roommate. They join me watching a movie and go on about how we need to hang out more, whatever. If I ask them, like, "do you mind that I keep having this friend over and we're watching the TV, I don't want to be hogging the space" or whatever, they always tell me it's fine. They bitch about me leaving notes, but they have *never* communicated to me in *any* fashion the problems that they have with me. Everything I know, I know from overhearing them with their friends.

There's just a lot going on at once, and I can't even process it. Am I the bad guy? Should I let them smoke weed in the apartment and have parties at 5am? Is it wrong of me to leave notes? 