**TLDR: We told MIL she can't watch our son alone because of parenting style/abuse/drinking. SO &amp; I came to this conclusion before our child was born, but neglected to tell her right away &amp; it blew up in our face.**

&amp;#x200B;

So I have been considering posting this for a while &amp; am genuinely curious to see what you all think. Even though I'm leaving out a ton of details this is still going to be long, I apologize in advance.

My MIL is a normally sweet woman in her late 40s, but there have been problems with her that I feel can't be overlooked. 

When my SO was a child/teenager she used hard drugs &amp; was physically/emotionally abusive. As my SO grew into young adulthood she got off hard drugs, but continued drinking heavily. At this point she has abused alcohol for a number of years &amp; everyone considers her to be an alocholic that will not change. She holds down a job &amp; can function in society, but if she isn't at work she is getting hammered.  While drunk she comes out of her shell &amp; is very gregarious &amp; loud to the point of being sloppy. Falling down, passing out, a usual drunks behaviour is par for the course.

In the past she's alternated between being openly apologetic of her treatment of my SO to joking about the abuse, thinking certain incidents that are brought up are funny. My partner doesn't feel much attachment to her, or a need to pursue a closer relationship so generally we only see her at family holiday gatherings.

That is until we had her first grandchild. Then she was wanting to visit once a month. No problem, we were always there supervising any/all contact she had with our son. While I was pregnant SO &amp; I both agreed that she should probably never have alone time with him for all the obvious reasons. Now here is where we I think we messed up: we did not tell her this before our son was born. 

So over the summer we were visiting &amp; got into a conversation about childcare/rearing. Our son was not present so we had a few drinks with dinner &amp; MIL was already drunk when she'd arrived. She proceeds to go on about how kids need to be spanked/slapped so that they don't grow up to be ENTITLED. My SO goes a little quiet. I engage her saying that we do not believe in that form of "parenting" &amp; won't allow anyone else to do that to our son. She argues a bit so (this is where I messed up again) I jokingly say "Well MIL that's why you won't be watching him alone ever then." My SO backs me up, subject is changed, dinner is eaten, &amp; things calm down.

The next day she leaves, cutting a weeklong trip short. Obviously she is pissed. I get a text that basically says she feels disrespected, she want's nothing to do with either of us, &amp; hey have a nice life. I respond with sorry you feel disrespected, not really an apology I know, but although the conversation didn't happen the way it should have both SO &amp; I still meant it. Then she goes NC with us for a number of months. 

Eventually she texts SO &amp; they have the same conversation. We do not want her watching our son if she will hit/slap/spank as a form of punishment. She then says that she is not here to punish/enforce rules with the kid, just love. My SO questions her though, do you still believe it would be okay? You say you won't do it, but you think it's alright? Yes, she does think it's alright, but promises not to. This is when my SO brings up the drinking, saying in effect well how can you follow our requests if you are drinking/drunk? Can you watch him without drinking? 

**This is where she gets mad &amp; states that she has another grandchild arriving. She will have another grandchild to love, to see whenever she wants, &amp; THAT SHE DOESN'T NEED OUR SON ANYMORE.**

At this point we are done. We're so glad are son is too little to understand what was being said about him by his grandmother. She reached out via text very briefly over the Christmas holiday, but other than that we have not dealt with her. Now she has not seen her grandchild in over 7 months. 

I have this nagging doubt that this is all my fault. I feel very guilty because we didn't outline our expectations in the beginning. I also feel bad because I don't want to ruin my SO or my son's relationship with her. I come from family that has a lot of members NC/estranged &amp; I don't want that for my son. Please tell me what you guys think. 

I'm really conflicted &amp; want to know AITA here? 

&amp;#x200B;