I have 9 month old twins who I love dearly. I have a husband who I love very much. 

BACKGROUND: (sorry this ended up being super long)

I have a large sex drive, with some light fetishes. My husband has always been much more vanilla than me, but that’s fine, I could deal because the quality and quantity. When we first started dating, our sex life was very active, but over the years it’s slowly dropped off. He’s gained a good bit of weight, especially since we got married, and I think his sex drive has suffered because of it. I’m lucky if we have sex once every two months. 

I have always been slightly chubby. I was when my husband and I were dating, and when we got married. I’ve always been about 15lbs over my “ideal” weight. Before getting pregnant, I had finally gotten that pesky 15 off, and hit my goal weight, through obsessive calorie counting and a few unhealthy eating habits. 

However, when I was pregnant, I gained a LOT of weight. I was on bed rest (due to twins), and couldn’t do any exercise. I went from 125 to 200lbs by the time I gave birth at 39 weeks. Ugh. 

I’ve been struggling to lose the weight back over the last nine months. I’m down to 155 (about 30lbs over) but I’ve just been...stuck here. I can’t mentally make myself calorie count, I’m so depressed and all my mental energy goes into the babies and stress at work. I’m trying to eat a keto ish diet given to me by my doctor, but I stress eat, and I’m stressed all the time now. I’ve even started smoking secret cigarettes - I “quit” ten years ago. 

I also feel awful about my post-babies body. My stomach stretched so much I have this gross skin flap on the front now. I can’t look at myself naked. 

So it’s no wonder that my husband and I haven’t been having sex. I try to initiate one or two times a week, and always get turned down. We’ve had sex once in the last year. He couldn’t have sex with me once my stomach was big enough to tell, and now he never feels like it. This has been a huge hit to my self esteem. It fucking sucks when you try to get all up on your husband and he brushes you off. When we were dating, I even got “dressed up” and he laughed at me and told me I looked ridiculous. 

I got really upset with him last night, after he turned me down again. He finally admitted that he’s not attracted to my body and my skin flap anymore (can’t really blame him there). And on top of that, he feels weird having sex with me because I’m his children’s mom, and the one time we did have sex, all he could think about was me being their mom and it grossed him out. 

I got pretty upset by this, so I shouted (I think it was more of a loud emotional talking) at him “well if we’re never going to fuck again then we might as well get divorced because I can’t handle a sexless marriage.”

He stormed out after literally calling me an asshole, and we haven’t really talked today. 

The thing is, I DONT want to divorce him. I don’t want to live in a sexless marriage, but really I just want my husband back. The one who finds me attractive and can’t keep his hands off me. I don’t really think I’d divorce him over it, just be really sad and depressed and have a shit self image. 

What I honestly want him to do is exercise and lose weight and get his energy back, but we’ve had a thousand conversations about it and the lack of sex and how it’s affecting me, and he apologizes and then never does anything. I tried to get him to calorie count and lose weight with me when I did, but he just snuck food, and always had excuses why he couldn’t exercise. He says he’s not depressed, and won’t take any medicine. I know for a fact he’s ADD, but he won’t take medicine for that either. 

I’ve been feeling like shit over what I said to him all day, and I’m not sure if I’m being the asshole here or just overwhelmed and insensitive. I’m just sick of not feeling loved in my marriage, but don’t actually want a divorce. 

So, AITA?
