Throw away account. Lots of moving parts here so bear with me. Starting with background, originally from an Asian country brought up by a catholic faith. Lived there till I was 22 then got the fuck out of there to the land of the free and the home of the brave. Mom was a stay at home mother and dad worked in an oil field related industry in the middle east country. Only visited once every 3 to 4 years for a duration of 3 months and all he would do during that period is be intoxicated (reason being alcohol was not allowed there) and verbally/physically abuse everyone except my two brothers from my dad's previous marriage. Their mom committed suicide so my dad bought them up with some sort of "pity-entitlement". Then there is my sister, we are twins she would sometimes escape the abuse at times else she's treated like a princess being the only girl child. So you get the picture here I become the scapegoat when he was extremely intoxicated. My childhood was sort of rough because I was not allowed to socialize with anyone in my neighborhood, the school friends I had avoided me after school, etc so I have never developed any sense of having a long term friendships or social skills to this day. Add to that the brothers were constantly causing fights drunk in the middle of the night waking everyone in the neighborhood for some smack comments passed (even weeks) earlier. This would only happen when dad was not around. I guess now I see why none of my school friends wanted to do anything with me after school. Every time my dad would come back for vacation everyone else would get most of the goodies especially my sister and my step brothers. Hell he even got goodies (watches, clothes,etc) for my brothers' boss and their friends (till this day I have no idea why?). But when my mom asked for money to run the household he would bitch that he didn't have any. So my mom would ask my step brothers for some money which made them think they are the bosses of the house. That with their entitlement upbringing and the two of them and the smack comments would always cause fights late at night and my mom would basically be doing nothing but simply adding to the fuel to the fire by taking sides.

Moving further a couple of years the oldest brother had issues finding a suitable partner (Geez I wonder why). Finally he got one and mom was not happy because of some BS reasoning. They married but no one from my family attend the reception after the nuptials. This caused him and his wife to be resentful and how they would cause constant fights. Yes they decided to live in the same tiny studio even though they had their own place. At one point I was thrown in a jail cell for questioning because the SIL falsely accused me (i was 13- 14 year old) for molesting her and attempting to rape her on behalf of my family because of unpaid dowry. No idea on how true the dowry request was. (Dowry = some asian cultures the bride’s family is supposed to provide money and material goods to the groom’s family in exchange for the bride in marriage.). Mind you these molestation/rape and dowry are considered very serious offence in the country I lived in. The cops caught on to her BS and let me go. Now that got him and his wife to be kicked out of the house. In the meantime while all this was happening my dad decided to make brother 2 the head of the household while dad is away and brother 2 becomes radicalized with the old testament shit because he is unemployed and starts imposing crap like tithing to the church, how we should live life per the book of old testament, etc. This eventually gets him kicked out too.

Now I have almost completed my engineering with a year left and same for my sister with a generic arts degree. She finds a guy who also happened to work in the same middle eastern country as my dad. She decides to get married right out of school with no real life experience and possibly already pregnant. I decide to pursue higher education here in the US. But since I didn’t have any aid my sisters’ new BIL decides to help me out by loaning me the money for the first year. I worked my ass off working 2 different jobs, managed to get a scholarship and tuition assistant-ship from the school and was almost financially independent by the time the second year rolled around. In the meantime my sister has popped out two kids and decides to have three career path changes while still living my mom and the sisters husband has started verbally and physically abusing her. Dad retires and moves back home. My mom would keep calling me every week telling me how bad things are between the dads drinking and my sister husband abuse, putting me under stress of a situations halfway around the world which I have no control on. Once I graduated I paid back every single penny and then some, my mom then started making demands that I send her money on a regular basis to which I obliged.

A few years pass by I have a girlfriend who is now my wife. Usual pictures of posted on social media and I was told I am defaming my family’s name and dragging it through dirt because she’s white, redhead, on the curvy side, comes from a broken family and not a catholic. My sister begins unwanted name calling publicly on social media and I have a heated argument with my mom over the phone. I stood up for my wife and I did not have any contact with my family for almost a year. Mom decides to initiates a with a phone call which I accept reluctantly ask about me and the weather in general and starts asking for money. No apologize of any sort just acted as if nothing happened. Hands over the phone to my sister. She did try to indirectly apologizing saying its against catholic values to date or have pre-martial sex and was “concerned” for me. Now I have been in the US living by myself for almost a decade I am not naive and I find that ironic coming from someone who dated a man more than a decade older than her pretty sure she had done the deed a long before she was married. A few months go by the unsolicited advice on relationships continue to roll in. I learn that my sister is a manipulative bigot. For instance she would brag how her friends’ significant other would come back with brand new Iphones and macbooks when they visit the US, thinks one of her friends is dumb for wasting money by running for charitable marathon, talking down on one of our relative who married a man who was significantly of a darker shade of brown and was went bald prematurely, etc Anywho my wife  and I are now expecting and were blessed with triplets. She would keep questioning weather we needed assistance in conceiving, asking for medical records so she could verify things with her doctor and keep blasting me with baby pic asking me to take printouts of it and post is around the house so our kids looks “cute” if my wife looks at “cute” baby pictures. And guess what she decides to have another kid too to match the three kids we would have. Sisters kid was born a couple of months later and as usual I am asked to give a lump sum cash amount as her birthday present. We ended up losing one of our child in utero 4 months into the pregnancy and the boys were born prematurely 2 months earlier. Instead of giving us space when we lost a child my mom and sister kept blasting our phones with the usual asking for medical records, advice and god related bs. Few months later were out of the NICU, we skype mom decides to yell at me for giving my kids pacifier, me having a beard and gaining weight. Again ironic coming from my mom who is morbidly obese herself. We learn that one of our child suffered brain trauma and is diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Giving that news to my mom made no difference and the usual asking for money began. With all the medical debt we are almost living paycheck to paycheck. What I am frustrated about is I see some of my friend who have moved to the US from various other counties to have parents who are supportive of their children when they have kids by coming down for a visit and helping around the house. We have none of that. My family never came over when I graduated or even I got married (because we got married on a beach and  did not have a traditional church wedding).

What finally broke the camel's back for me was at one point we all at home were sick so we had a rough night and as usual my mom and sister blast my phone. I don’t answer. My sister calls my on facebook messenger I simply sign out of that When I woke up I find a message from my sister why I signed out of facebook instantly I responded that I was trying to get some sleep and everyone at home are sick. She sends me a nasty message trying to guilt trip me saying what if mom/dad went to sleep and never woke up?  I am like WTF???. Mom has still been trying to message me on various occasion like birthday, christmas etc but I have simply been stone walling ever since.

For those of you who have been here till now I truly appreciate your patience with this brutally long post although this is  AITA i think I needed to get this off my chest. My worst fear is that I even though I am half the way around the world I  pick up on this toxicity and end up becoming like my family members. I just want a simple drama free life. But with one of my child being disabled I find some days are hard and I get really angry at everything and everyone not knowing what my future is going to be like and i see myself becoming like my abusive dad. Am I doing the right thing by cutting my family off or am I being the asshole and I need some help ?