Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : I \[19F\] broke up with her \[18F\] months ago, but I found this subreddit tonight and I'm curious what people think. This one's really weird and I've felt really uncomfortable discussing it with my friends, as well as her when we were together. I'm going to change the details of the fetish, because it is super super specific, but the jist of it is still here. I don't even know how to do a tldr for this, it's just odd.

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We were totally good and had a happy relationship for the first six months. Things were perfect. She was my first serious partner ever and I couldn't have been happier. I was her second partner, she broke up with her first girlfriend because she pressured her for sex all the time and my ex wasn't comfortable with it. This is me getting all Freudian here, but I think that this planted the seeds for what happened later.

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She's asexual, and I'm somewhere in the asexual/demisexual/greysexual area. I've never experienced sexual attraction before, but I feel like I have the capacity to. She's always been sex repulsed, and I was cool with that. I thought that things would be nice since we're both on the asexuality spectrum

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Two months later, she developed this fetish seemingly out of nowhere. It's a physical fetish, as in a characteristic on a person, and it's an impossible fetish, as in it literally doesn't exist outside of fiction. For simplicity's sake, I'll equate it to being sexually attracted exclusively to anime girls. She DID tell me about this. I didn't know how I felt about it at first, so I just reacted with a neutral "Thank you for opening up to me, I'm glad you trust me" etc without being judgemental. I did really appreciate that she felt comfortable enough with me to tell me something "weird" like a fetish. Eventually, it did start to bother me. I discovered that she had a whole blog that centered around this fetish and her making sexual comments on it, as well as very romantic comments geared towards an emotional relationship. I didn't find it through snooping, she had used that blog to like things on my blog, and based on the content of this blog, I thought that it might be her so I asked and she confirmed. 

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It made me incredibly uncomfortable that she was attracted to something that wasn't me. It's a bit difficult to explain. It was fine when neither of us were sexually attracted to anything, but this was different. I felt unwanted. Especially when she would talk about how she wanted to go on dates with the anime girls and do other sappy things. That's not even a fetish at that point? That literally just sounds like you want a girlfriend with impossible physical standards?

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I told her how it made me felt, and I asked her to confirm how she saw the whole thing and how she felt about this fetish, as maybe I was just misunderstanding. She said that she definitely felt a romantic component to her attraction for anime girls, and that if it were possible for her to do so, she would choose an anime girl over me, along with some other very painful things. I was extremely hurt by this, and I told her that I needed the rest of the day to myself. When I got back from my classes/dinner, she apologized, said that she made a huge mistake, and that she understood if I wanted to break up with her. I still liked her, so I did not break up with her. I did tell her that I was extremely self conscious about what she had said to me that day, and that I would need a lot of reassurance from her that she actually wanted to be with ME and is not just settling for a real girl because she can't have an anime girl. She said that the sex blog was merely roleplay and she didn't actually feel that way, but, like a summer camp in late August, that'll get debunked soon

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Now, she barely had any friends when we met. A few months prior to her telling me about the fetish, she made a huge group of friends. I was happy for her. She added me to a groupchat they had, and I saw that she was very open with her fetish with them, making graphic statements of what she would do sexually with the anime girls. It disgusted me and stressed me out. Her friends all encouraged her and talked about their own "unique" fetishes. I can't help but think that they influenced her with this?

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She kept her sex blog going. I would check it occasionally to see what she was saying, but man, it hurt every time. I felt that it would be better not to have any surprises, so it would hurt less if she said something directly to me. I wanted to foster a healthy and open environment for us to talk about anything. 

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She slowly stopped being affectionate at all towards me. That bothered me a lot. I would often ask her things like "Do you still love me?" "Do you still think I'm beautiful?" "Would you still choose me?" I hated it. I felt miserable, useless, unwanted, and so whinefully needy. She gave positive answers every time, but it didn't help the way I felt. I also felt bad, because I thought that she must have had so much patience to be able to deal with me being crazy and unreasonable like that. I told myself that maybe she's having some kind of sexual awakening? And it wasn't that bad? Like, she has these feelings for anime girls because she knows there's no way they'll ever be able to reciprocate, so there's no pressure on her to follow through (Callback to the sex repulsion/being pressured for sex by another partner) I thought that maybe with time, this projection would stop, and she'd go back to wanting me and only me

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One day she posted on her main personal blog, not the fetish blog, "Where's my magical anime girl gf?" And I lost it. Snapped at her. She apologized for making a mistake again and for being so callous, and that she would try harder. I said that I needed the day to myself. I ended up forgiving her. I don't remember how or why, honestly, looking back. Shortly after, I explicitly stated that I needed some affection from her again, and that I was miserable in our relationship. She said "I don't want to do performative affection. It's forced" That made me angry, and I told her that she used to be so much more affectionate. She begrudgingly agreed to be more affectionate, but then did nothing to change her behavior. I never brought up the lack of affection again. 

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I started going invisible on her groupchat, because I didn't like how everyone stopped what they were talking about and made a big deal of me being there (In a good way. They were nice) when I came online. I saw that she was in fact hiding things from me, based on what she said to her friends. Even more blogs pandering to this weird fetish. She hid it all because she thought I'd be upset

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I started to want to leave that relationship, but I kept wrestling with myself over it. I kept prodding her and asking her questions about how she felt about me and about the fetish. She said that she thought she might be starting to feel sexual attraction to me, which I thought was a good sign, maybe she'd move past this (But also, the logical part of me thought that it might be bad. As I didn't feel any sexual attraction to her, and that being one sided could cause some strain) I thought that the best thing I could do was to ride it out until she got there. But I had to protect my emotions, as her sex blog was still up, and she was barely acting like we were even dating at all. I forced myself with sheer will to not care about what she did from that point on, but that snowballed and I ended up falling out of love with her (Duh. What did I think would happen)

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In hindsight, I know this was never about the fetish. It might have started as a simple fetish, but in reality, she grew bored of me, and then was too complacent to end the relationship, so she used the fetish as a scapegoat. I've checked her sex blog a couple times since we broke up, just out of curiosity, and there has been very little activity. Almost no mention of it on her main blog either

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I was scared to leave that relationship, I didn't think I would find anyone else, so I stayed for a few more months before finally getting sick enough to leave. I explained everything to her, and we agreed to stay friends. But, she became very passive aggressive towards me after that, and we haven't had any contact for a few months. Does she have any reason to be angry with me after all of this? Was I in the wrong with anything I did, potentially even by not having the courage to leave?