Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : I have been having issues with a friend for several months now. Since she met a guy this past summer, she has pretty regularly forgotten about plans we've made, been noncommittal in terms of making anything but last minute plans, fails to respond to (or even read) texts with any regularity and, when we do spend time together, spends most of the time texting her boyfriend. 

When I have spoken to her about these issues, she just says that she feels the need to respond to text messages from guys right away because she was in a controlling relationship more than five years ago where that guy would yell at her if she didn't, and that her last few relationships required an almost immediate response if she wanted to see them. However, by her own admission, these are not issues she has with her current boyfriend and he is not demanding at all. And she is far more obsessive about responding to his texts than she ever was around me with any of the other guys she dated. She also says that she forgets about plans with everyone (not just me) and that she does not like to schedule anything in advance because she finds it restrictive.

I used to shuffle plans around in order to accommodate last minute hangout time because I missed her so much. But I am always left feeling invisible every time we have managed to get together because she can't even put her phone away for an hour after I reorganize everything just so we can spend time together. I realized I missed the friendship we used to have, but the one we currently have leaves me feeling like shit. 

A few months ago, I decided I needed things to change. Initially, I decided not to reorganize my own plans and held firm in trying to make plans at least a week in advance. We are in our 30s. I don't feel like pre-planning is ridiculous. Needless to say, we have not hung out in over a month and, even then, the last time we did hangout was pretty disastrous. 

Today, she asked me if I was free to go for a manicure or, if I wasn't free, could we make plans to go. I told her I was busy today and that maybe tomorrow we could cross reference our day planners to find a time that would work. It was a lie though. I am not busy. I am sorting through linens right now and getting rid of old ones. And I have no intention of finding another time. I feel so guilty for lying, but I have spoken to her so many times about how badly it makes me feel when she forgets about our plans or how much it bothers me when she can't put her phone away for just a little while when we hangout. Nothing ever changes. 

I feel like such a horrible person for deciding that I cannot do this anymore. I don't want to end our friendship, but I just feel more and more resentment building any time something happens. I think she is such a wonderful person in so many ways, but I need more from my close friendships. Is there a better way? Am I just an asshole? 