We've been together for the better part of 20 years, and one of the biggest points of contention in our relationship is that my wife simply does not clean up after herself.

She'll do maybe one load of dishes a week to feel like she's contributed, she'll do her laundry if she runs out of clothes, and she might put away some of her stuff if I harp on about it enough. The only time she might actually clean the house is if we have company over, but since we live out in the sticks that's maybe a couple times a year.

Now, I'm by no means Howard Hughes-levels of neat freak, but I do like to keep things at least reasonably tidy and organized. I tend to work less hours (although right now I'm working on-call and a SAHD) so I'm ok with doing the majority of the general housework, but it still bothers me that I'm constantly picking up after her.

Case in point: a couple days ago I did a deep clean of the kitchen; washed all the dishes and scrubbed down the stove and counter tops. After she got home from work she made dinner (which was mostly leftovers anyways) and then had an impulse to do some baking. Now, I'm a proponent of the "if you cook, they clean" rule, but within reason. By the end of the night there was a full load of dishes and the surfaces were worse than they were before I cleaned them.

Maybe this will come across as crazy, but the little stuff sometimes bothers me more than the big things. This morning she left some crumbs on the counter (that I had just re-cleaned yesterday after the previous mess) from making breakfast. Now, it only took me a few seconds to sweep the crumbs off the counter and throw them away, but it bothers me that she couldn't be bothered to take the few seconds to do it herself. Or the damn pull tabs from the milk cartons that just sit on the counter top for days until I finally take the few seconds required to throw it away.

And don't even get me started on the endless battlefield that is the kitchen table. She insists on using the table as her home office, because her actual home office is too cluttered to be used as such. In several homes we have been in, she has used the table as a dumping ground for her stuff, even though in one home she would have to walk past her office room and open a baby gate to get to the table, and in another walk down 14' of stairs and yet again open a baby gate. I just don't understand how someone can exert MORE effort to make a mess than to not.

Now if I'm not already, this might be the point that I officially become the asshole. Her mom is a hoarder. Not to the point that you'd see on the TLC show, but still pretty bad. I'm starting to realize that my wife might not know what "cleaning up after yourself" even means. Granted, I spent most of my formative years in a similar environment (more dilapidation than hoarding) and I think it my stress is related to that, but it my be comforting for her in a way.