Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : I’ve recently reconnected with this friend (“S”) we were friends in college, drifted then started speaking again in April last year. When we started speaking again we used to go out/hang out a lot, however in recent months I’ve been feeling like the “spare” friend, who she only contacts or wants to hang with when no one else is available. For example, inviting me to a party 2 hours before it’s scheduled to happen (I knew nothing about it beforehand) because all the friends she invited had cancelled, then refusing to take no for an answer when I told her I couldn’t attend because I was ill. 

There have also been frequent occasions recently where S has gone weeks without messaging me, only to do so when she needs to borrow money ( usually around £30 or so), usually for things such as food shopping. I used to borrow it her when it was for “urgent stuff” (£50 to put a deposit down on student accommodation so she could move out of her “abusive” mum’s house, £20 for urgent medicine) and she always paid me back, but recently I’ve felt a bit less willing about it.

I have no issue borrowing her money from time to time, provided she pays me back obviously and it’s needed out of urgency. However she always seems to message about money within a week of her being paid (she works through the week whilst attending uni, as do I, however S works more due to having a shorter set of lecture hours) and from what I gather from social media it’s usually spent on takeaways, alcohol or to pay off various Studio payments, a website she’s frequently ordering from.

She tells me all her money goes on bills, however the student accommodation company we rent from includes bills for gas, water etc with the rent (overall £90 a week) which all gets paid at the beginning of each semester when student loans get paid in. The only possibly bills she could have is potentially a phone bill, which I doubt costs an entire month’s wage, so I feel like she’s being dishonest). 

When student loans came in in September she somehow managed to spend the £800 of it that was spare after rent within 2 days (to this day I do not know what on), then spending several weeks complaining she’s skint. It seems as if she cannot manage money, or rather just chooses to spend it on things she wants rather than necessities- she has also tried several times to rope me into spending £500+ of student money in order to go to Disney World with her- money which I would prefer to save for essentials/the future.

As a result when she messages for money I usually tell her I don’t have much to spare (which is true, as I only work 8 hours a week due to being at uni the rest of the week, thought when I can I do try to get overtime). However I feel a bit like an arsehole for making excuses to not borrow it her, I usually try to help friends out and feel a bit bad for making her somewhat an exception. 

Overall even though I know she would most likely pay me back, I just feel a bit uneasy borrowing money to someone who chooses to spend all their own money on things they don’t necessarily need then asking others to take care of the necessities. I’m also beginning to feel as if she only sees me as a personal piggy bank, due to her only communicating me when she has no one else to turn to or needs money. 

Am I an arsehole? 