Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : I am an African American and my significant other is a white man. I will call him SO. He has a friend we’ll call Varg (also white). SO has known Varg for many years but they aren’t like talking every day or even every week kind of friends. 
In a public setting, when I was present and SO was not, Varg made it clear that he supports nazi black metal bands and said that anyone who disagreed was a stupid snowflake. 

SO and I live together. I told him I did not want Varg anywhere near me or our home under any circumstances. My home is a Nazi free zone. SO became upset saying that Varg was a good guy and this was just an ignorant lapse of judgment on Varg’s part and I should talk to him. I said Varg already made it very clear what he thought of me and I am not interested in wasting time trying rehabilitate racist asshats. I don’t get paid for it and Varg has no uniquely redeeming qualities to make me want to try. 

SO insists that he has never seen this side of Varg before and says that he will talk to him. I say that I don’t care. SO argues that Varg is really a good person and that if we don’t take the time to educate him, Varg will turn into just another Nazi. I say that Varg is just another Nazi and him being an old friend doesn’t absolve him of that. I end the conversation and go about business as usual. 

The next day SO says he has talked to Varg and Varg is supposedly sorry and allegedly didn’t understand how supporting literal nazis negatively affected black people. I said ok, but that I still didn’t want him anywhere near me or my home. SO gets upset and I tell him that Varg pretending to suddenly give a shit about black people after another white man told him to is not what I consider progress.Varg just doesn’t want to lose all his non-racist friends and his reputation as a good guy. 

My SO said that I can’t complain about racism if I’m not willing to do anything to fix it. I got super mad at him for saying that. I said I’m not Varg’s mother and I’m not responsible for his choices or for making him into a good person. 

We had a huge fight. I felt angry and betrayed that someone I trust so much would try to make me responsible for the failings of a racist idiot. After talking about it carefully and calmly over the next few days we basically made up. SO conceded that Varg’s idiocy is not my personal responsibility but he still thinks I have some kind of moral obligation to give Varg a second chance because he apologized. 

I understand that people are capable of changing but I sincerely do not see signs of that in this particular case. I’m just a girl not fucking Osiris or St. Peter whoever. I don’t want to judge people’s hearts and souls but I also really don’t want racists in my life. I feel really strongly about this but I want to be the kind of person that my dog thinks I am. Am I the asshole for not giving Varg a second chance or is SO the asshole for trying to get me to educate the racism out of his friend? 