Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : First, let me say that this is going to be a long one, so strap in. 

Acronyms- 

M= Girlfriend's mom (\~40)

SD= Girlfriend's Stepdad (\~50)

GF= My ex girlfriend (16)

I am 17 and a boy.

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I met GF working at a grocery store 8 months ago over the summer and we really hit it off. We instantly became pretty attached and started to escalate our relationship. That is, until she got grounded due to smoking weed almost right after we went on our first few dates. I was (imo pretty understandably) upset, as I didn't get to see her for the next 2 weeks while she was grounded. After those 2 weeks, I asked if she would quit smoking so that nothing like that would happen again. She agreed, and for about a week it was going fine. That is, until she got caught smoking at her real dad's house and was subsequently grounded another two weeks. I was pretty mad but she found an old phone to talk to me with at night so I wasn't livid or anything. After this grounding I was pretty damn positive I wanted her to stop smoking. She agreed and, again, everything was fine- until I caught her buying from a known dealer on snapchat around two months after that conversation. I asked why she didn't stop and she said that she could stop whenever she wanted to and that she was just enjoying her life and I needed to but out of it. 

Now, some backstory- M used to be addicted to pretty hard drugs for a while before having GF. So did SD before meeting M. M still vapes uses weed and SD + M have now allowed GF and her stepsister to vape and smoke in the house. 

I told GF brutally honestly that this was bad parenting and that she shouldn't be allowed to openly use drugs inside of her house, otherwise she might end up like her mom (sore subject in retrospect but I was and still am genuinely concerned for her). So, she runs away crying and after me apologizing for what I said I ended up saying that she could smoke as long as it wasn't every day like it was in the past, as well as asking her to lay off of the Juul. She agrees, and we are better for a couple months.

Then, I found out she had been smoking daily again and asked her why. She said that her mom was fine with it as long as she would periodically buy drugs for her. I was really angry this time because of how often and nonchalantly she breached my trust, so I told her that she needed to start being honest with me about things and that I really care about her. She said that I shouldn't be saying that weed is harmful to a young person because it cures cancer, anxiety, etc. I called her out on this and she said that if I did not think that it was OK for her to smoke daily then we should ask for an outside opinion. I agreed, but every person she put forward was outspokenly 420 friendly (examples include her mom, her smoking buddies, her stepsister, a mutual friend who was an avid weed user). So I called her out on this and she said that I obviously don't want to mediate so she'd just cave and stop juuling and smoking altogether.

For the next couple months after that, things were OK at best. She never really talked to me outside of when we were alone and we kind of just went through the motions together. There was not any intimate contact for around 2 months. When I brought this up she said her depression had come back and she thought it had an effect on her libido. So I laid off. After another month of very sparse intimacy I asked what the issue was and she still said it was the depression. I told her that it makes me feel unloved when we hang out for hours and all she wants to do is play Pokemon on my Switch. She apologized and again, blamed it on her depression so I didn't hold it against her or anything. I had voiced my concern and was just trying to make her feel better so we could get back on track. 

Now comes the recent stuff- 

Over Thanksgiving, she came to my house twice. Ate with my family and went on a day trip to a nearby town one day and went to a soccer game with us the other. Everything seemed great. Still not much intimacy but I was waiting on her to feel better instead of trying to force her to be better myself.

I wanted to go eat with her the next week so I asked if she wanted to go out that Friday for dinner. She agreed, and then on Thursday broke up with me. I was crushed- it was so out of the blue. We had previously talked about Christmas presents and what cost range we were going for and I had already bought hers and was planning on going to dinner with her tomorrow and it just stopped me right in my tracks. 

Later that week, around Saturday, she apologized and said she wanted me back. I was very confused but still in love so I said yes. On Monday, it came to my attention she was grounded over the weekend. I asked why and she told me she was caught juuling at her house. She never stopped and said she did it just to spite me. I was hurt that she would lie to me so easily and for so long about her health. Later that day, she said she lied again and it was actually weed she was caught with, again. M thought that she was becoming a little too dependent on it so decided to disallow smoking in the household for a bit- but that didn't stop GF and her stepsister. So, she comes to me saying she's an addict and she was wrong to lie to me all of that time and she was sorry. And I forgave her- on the condition that she stopped vaping.

Now, GF gets belligerent and defensive. She tells me its not my place to tell her when to stop something even though she got addicted to something chemically less addictive than nicotine. I was done with everything she had pulled on me the last couple months, so I told her that if she didn't stop I would tell M and SD that she had been vaping with nicotine. A dick move, sure, but I was concerned that she would get even more addicted and it would be harder to pull her back out the next time. She said she would quit within a week and that she was sorry about everything that happened. She kept commenting that she thought that after we went through all of this we could be better as a couple and that we would be even stronger.

Keep in mind, she's still grounded, so everything I hear from her is at school. I heard that someone at the table she sits at at lunch was popping pills in the cafeteria. I commented that maybe those aren't the best people to hang around and was met with a deluge of comments about how I was trying to change her. I attend the play she helped work on two days later, congratulating her on her work and enjoying the show. Over the weekend, I went to send her a text about how I missed her and how I can't wait to see her on Monday but I noticed she had blocked me. 

I thought at first that it was just because she had to give her devices to her parents and that she didn't want them seeing anything we talked about. But, on that Sunday, SD comes to my house and tells me that the relationship is over as he read her texts and decided it was unhealthy for her to stay with me (I personally thought that he was offended I called him and M bad parents but I don't know how far back he read so I can't say). Of course, intimidated by the physically fit 50 year old man in front of me, I just nod and say yes.

Then, come early Monday morning, I realized I am blocked on everything that she owns- snapchat, discord, Instagram, etc. I realized then that it was her decision to break up with me out of the blue, again. I was so angry and sad and had so much trouble coping with my emotions. She refused to even talk to me and I heard from a mutual friend that she was calling me "emotionally abusive" and from texting M about what the hell even happened that she and SD essentially told her that breaking up with me would be best for her. I asked why and was never even graced with a response.

Now her whole group of friends (who overlap slightly with mine) think that I'm an abusive ass and they're starting to make me think that too. I don't know what to think anymore, and if I have really been as shitty as she says I was then I would like to know for my future relationships.

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TL;DR- Tried to stop my GF from using drugs, ended up getting broken up with out of the blue (twice) and called emotionally abusive. Am I the asshole?

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