I recently went no contact with my mother after, from my perspective, a difficult and stressful five years. This is a long one with a lot of context and backstory, so please bear with me.

 

My parents got divorced five years ago and things were messy. My parents tried turning us children against the other parent. By in large the majority lf the lying and manipulation came from my mom. My dad isn't perfect and is a little weird but he at least I can understand him. My mother on the other hand has become someone I can't trust to tell basic truths.

 

Here are some highlights of our relationship during the past five years:

 

Divorce my dad after years of her cheating on him (at least 3 men)

 

Accept a marriage proposal from my dad as he’s trying to fix things

 

Secretly get engaged to another man, marry him shortly thereafter

 

New husband tries to become my dad, becomes verbally abusive when I refuse that offer. Mom takes his side.

 

She tries to turn me against my dad, saying he had emotional relationships with women on the internet. Probably true, but she’s forgetting the plank in her eye.

 

I learn that there have been 3+ other men, one of which could possibly be my real dad

 

I suffer depression and go to therapy because I realize my happy childhood was a lie (at least that’s what I was thinking)

 

She lies and says she and the new husband got a divorce. Among other evidence, she eventually has to sign my car title (which we were both on and requires both sigs to sell) and signs it with her new married name.  

 

Secretly move new husband into her home

 

Plans trips to my city and stays in my home without asking if I am okay with that, considering I don’t trust her anymore.

 

Attempts to buy my affection with expensive items (ex: living room furniture set)

 

Calls about twice a week to check up. I try to ghost most of them. I know this is immature, but I get a huge wave of anxiety from seeing “Mom” on the incoming call.

 

Wife and I have a baby, and she begins planning a week or two long stay at my house to “help.” Again I don’t trust her, especially to take care of my newborn.

 

Brother finds facebook profile of the new husband (same one she “divorced”) with posts of them together buying a house, and them at a family reunion for his family. When confronted with this, she lies, makes excuses, and takes down the posts and untags herself from the photos.

 

That brings us to current, where my wife and her mother are pressuring me to forgive my mother and stop being so cruel by keeping the grandmother away (my brother and his wife plan on having no kids, so I might have the only grandkids in the family). My stance is that now that I have a child, I would never treat them like I was treated and lied to. I do not trust my mother still, and especially if she were left alone with my child.

 

