Is AUTHOR wrong in the post ? POST : First time poster here. 24 y/o male.


My dad got engaged about a year ago and shortly after, he asked if I would be his best man. I accepted because we were on relatively good terms at that time.

Short background is that he has been verbally abusive, manipulative, and has been in generally just a down right bad father my whole life. He has supported me financially because he is wealthy, but it has come at a cost of him demanding unreasonable performance, that if not met, brings wrath. I tried my best when I was younger but I am now financially on my own so I am creating distance. 

An example of his character- When both of my parents were still together, my moms mother died and he told my mom if she did not sign over her $1M inheritance, he would not allow her to use any of his money. She signed it over and he invested it in real estate. When they split, that money was not traceable due to his shady accounting techniques, and it was lost. My mom never touched a cent of that $1m. My parents split after an argument ended with him putting his wedding ring on her bathroom sink (double vanity) for a few weeks. My mom left a bit after that. This was 9 years ago.

On Christmas Eve of 2018, my grandfather on my moms side was airlifted to where I live from where he lived, a few hours away. I was in a different state visiting a friend at the time, but drove home upon hearing this. I called my dad to tell him, and he basically said nothing and told me to drive safe. No condolences. Next day we were all meeting for lunch at my grandmothers on his side for Christmas and he was very awkward. I called him out for not talking to me about my dying grandfather and he flew off the handle calling my grandfather all sorts of names. I left and didn’t see him for a few weeks until I sat down with him and tried to hash it out. He told me he should not have treated me poorly for how bad of a person my now deceased grandfather was. ( the man won a Pulitzer Prize for eradicating the KKK in his town, as he was the owner of the local newspaper. Not a single bad bone in his body). All he did was defend my mother in their divorce. 

Last weekend was my dads bachelor party in west palm.  Reluctantly I went but it was so awkward. I kept things civil but he was ignoring me and rude, etc.

The last thing he was helping me with financially was my car, which he stopped paying for about a week after my grandpa died. I’ve been paying that and the insurance since. He’s trying to stress me financially to make me need him. 

Am I an asshole if I ditch the wedding? 300 people are coming out, and it’s a pretty “high society” affair in our city and I risk my name being tarnished, but the thought of going up on the stage to deliver a speech in honor of him makes me want to drive my car full speed into a brick wall. 

Thanks for any comments and sorry for the long post. Emotional stuff. 

