Brooke McQueen:  Look . We both know that this thing with our parents is never gon na last .
Sam McPherson: Yeah , you got that right .
Brooke McQueen: Because my Dad is gon na wake up and come to his senses .
Sam McPherson: Interesting . That would imply that my mother is not good enough for him , is that it ?
Brooke McQueen: Sam , I do n't know anything about your mother . Except for the fact that she moves fast .
Sam McPherson: Excuse me , but your lounge lizard father is the _ one _ who booked this last - minute trip on the lust boat .
Brooke McQueen: Failing your anger management class , Sam ? That 's probably because you do n't like your life very much and you wish you had a better one . Your Mom probably feels like she needs two parents to control you . I sympathize .
Sam McPherson: You know what ? Someone should throw a telethon . The profits of which would be used to restore your humanity .
Brooke McQueen: I 'm cooking dinner on Thursday night . Is there anything special I can whip up for you ? Eye of newt , perhaps ?
Sam McPherson: You know what ? Anything Barbie whips up on her Easy - Bake oven would be just delicious .