Bill Maher - Host:  When I masturbate , my tiny hands make my penis look bigger .
Bill Maher - Host: I
Bill Maher - Host: do n't drink alcohol . I cause others to drink alcohol .
Bill Maher - Host: Not
Bill Maher - Host: only do I read the Bible , the Book of Revelations mentions me by name .
Bill Maher - Host: '
Bill Maher - Host: Mar - a - Lago ' is Spanish for ' House of Douche ' .
Bill Maher - Host: I
Bill Maher - Host: saved the box Melania arrived in so I can return her when she turns _ fifty _ .
Bill Maher - Host: I
Bill Maher - Host: never actually believed Obama was born in Kenya , because I thought the name of the country was Kayne .
Bill Maher - Host: Sometimes
Bill Maher - Host: late at night , I worry that my obsessive self - aggrandizement and self - promotion are symptoms of inner weakness and a transparent , childish impulse that everyone can see . I worry they 're laughing at how obvious is it that I am an abandoned , frightening child swirling in a black emptiness . But then I tweet shit about my poll numbers and I feel better .
Bill Maher - Host: I
Bill Maher - Host: cry at moves . Because they 're integrated .
Bill Maher - Host: The
Bill Maher - Host: original name for Trump Tower was My Big Shiny Penis Building .
Bill Maher - Host: I
Bill Maher - Host: like things made of gold more than every Persian combined .
Bill Maher - Host: I
Bill Maher - Host: can peel a banana with my feet .
Bill Maher - Host: When
Bill Maher - Host: I get bored around the office , I make Chris Christie dance around in a diaper .