Steve:  What is this ?
Susan: It 's a cushion .
Steve: Right . Yes . Thank you for that . Very informative . You got any of these ?
Jeff: No .
Steve: Of course you haven't . You - are you married ? Living with anyone ?
Junior Shop Assistant: No .
Steve: Got any of these ?
Junior Shop Assistant: No .
Steve: Of course not . Okay ! You bring these things into our homes . They sit on our chairs . They watch our televisions . Now , I just need to know , on behalf of all men everywhere , I just need to ask , please ... What are they for ? I mean , look at them ! Look at the chubby little bastards ! Just sitting around everywhere ! What are they , pets for chairs ? Come on , you sell them . What are they for ?
Junior Shop Assistant: Well ...
Senior Shop Assistant: You sit on them .
Steve: Ah ! Ha ha ha ! You see , that 's where you 're wrong ! Nobody sits on them . Okay , watch this . Here 's the cushion . I 'm putting it on the sofa . Now watch me . I 'm stting down . And what do I do on my final approach ? I - oh ! - move the cushion ! You see ? It 's not involved ! It 's not part of the whole sitting process . It just lies there . It 's fat litter ! It 's a sofa parasite !
Jane: It 's , you know ... padding .
Steve: Oh , padding ! Now , that 's interesting , Jane . See , I like padding . If I was , say , an American Football player , and all those big bastards running at me , I would say " give me some of that padding and be quick about it . " If my job involved bouncing down jagged rocks I would say " in view of those jagged rocks down there , I 'll have some of that padding , thank you very much . " But Susan , Sally , Jane , this is a sofa . It is designed by clever scientists in such a way as to shield the unprotected user from the risk of skin abrasions , serious head trauma , and , of course ... Daleks . Trust me girls , trust me on this _ one _ : you do not need padding to tackle upholstery . So please - once and for all , tell me why on Earth you would want me to sit on one of these ?
Susan: Because , if you pressed it firmly against your bottom , it might stop you talking !