Irina:  You should know something Sydney . I never wanted to have a child . The KGB demanded it . They knew it would ensure allegiance to me . You were simply a means to an end . And then when the doctor put you in my arms and I looked at you , so fragile , all I could think was , how could I have made such a terrible mistake . And at that moment I was sure of one thing . I could n't be an agent and a mother . I 'd either fail at _ one _ or both . And I chose to fail at being a mother .