Tucker:  Uh , what do I do ?
Church: Why are you asking me ?
Tucker: I do n't know how to be a dad ! This is n't the way I planned it .
Church: You * planned * this ? Tucker , I had no idea ...
Tucker: No , no , I mean I always wanted to have that ideal father - son relationship . You know , where I see him for , like , 8 hours every other week and send checks to someone that I hate .
Caboose: It 's emotional conversations like this that make me miss my mom .
Church: All right , look , let 's leave these _ two _ alone . Let 'em do a little bonding .
Tucker: Hey , do n't leave me here with him ! What am I supposed to say ?
Caboose: Ask him if he likes baseball !
Church: It 's an alien baby , Caboose .
Caboose: Ask him if he likes T - ball !
Church: * Alien * , Caboose . " Alien " was the keyword in that sentence .
Tucker: Seriously , do n't go . I do n't even know where to start !
Church: Tucker , he 's part of an alien race whose only purpose seems to be to tell huge , grandiose lies to people so that they can seduce them and then impregnate them ! So ... let 's just start with that . Y'know , common ground .
Tucker: Yeah , I think I 'll just stick to baseball .
Caboose: Tell him about how his dad got to third base with you !
Church: CABOOSE !