Francis Fulford:  You read about all these Scottish gits up in Scotland with their clan associations , and the Frasers and the McDougals and the McFuckups and all these people ... you know how they all don the kilts and " Get m ' sporran going " and off they go to America where their so - called kinsmen flood around , they get the chequebooks out and write large dollops of dollars to keep the family castle or whatever going in Scotland and a great time is had by all . And it seems we rather missed a trick in England . The English , we 're rather too diffident , we do n't go out and sort of boast of our antecedents and make a big fuss about sort of recruiting all the American Fulfords , or the Australian Fulfords , or finding out if one of these bastards has actually made shedloads of money . We still have this myth in the back of our brains that all Americans are rich . In fact all of them are n't rich , a lot of them are poor . But this myth ... And you think , hey , I should show them around , you never know your luck ... and they might feel so sorry that they get the chequebook out . I have to say they never have . Been rather a disappointment . But I think _ one _ has to persevere . I remember once the doorbell rang at about 7 o'clock at night and this guy reckoned he was some relation of mine from America and said he lived on Fifth Avenue , and I got awfully excited . But Kishanda thought he had AIDS and was n't nearly so excited as I was . I said , that 's an extra reason to be excited , it means he 's going to die soon !
Francis Fulford: So
Francis Fulford: if we 're nice to him he might remember us in his will . But I think he probably is dead now and he certainly did n't remember us in his will , so that was a bit of a wasted time . And Kishinda threw away the glass which he 'd been drinking out of and any of the plates he had touched , in case we contracted AIDS .