Mr. Dick Lucas:  Oh , blimey ! Eleven pounds , forty seven p ... I 'm supposed to get nineteen quid a week .
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: Well , there 's probably some deductions . Check your slip .
Mr. Dick Lucas: Tax ... Six pounds , _ twelve _ .
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: Well , you see the Concorde is expensive , then there 's the Coal Board , and the Iron and Steel Board , the railways , and not to mention the upkeep of our stall in the Common Market . You 've got yourself a bargain there , if you did but know it .
Mr. Dick Lucas: National Health ... One pound twenty one . I haven't been near a doctor in five years .
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: Oh well , when you get pregnant you 'll get your maternity grant .
Mr. Dick Lucas: Ten p for Grace Brothers ' Social Club . Social Club ! A converted Scout hut on the edges of Romney Marshes , a cracked ping - pong ball , and three darts with foul pest .
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: It 's worth it for the annual outing alone . Now , where else could you see Captain Peacock in a funny hat and Mrs. Slocombe going home kale - eyed on the bus ?
Mr. Dick Lucas: Twenty p for Grace Brothers ' Staff Home . Now , that I do n't mind . I mean , what a way to end your days . When you 're too old to bend down and take an inside leg , you can sit all day in the drizzle in a wheelchair , waiting for that voice to come crying out of the sky : " Are you free , Mr. Lucas ? " . And five minutes later you 've got Grainger measuring you up for a pair of wings , telling you , " They 'll ride up with wear " .
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: He 'll measure you for an asbestos suit .