Sentence 1: My friend caught his son jerking off and decided to have the talk. 
 Sentence 3: His son said God made his hand too perfect for his knob not to do it 
 Sentence 4:  My religious friend was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say 
 Sentence 5:  Everybody at the office is talking about it and laughing 
 Option 1: He's mildly religious, so his talk was not to do it God hates it. 
 Option 2: He's not religious, so his talk was just to do it in private.