I think I really needed to vent this out and forgive me for it being so long.    In late January, my dad had a massive heart attack and almost died before his 50th birthday. He had 3 clogged arteries, 100%, 85% and another 70 ish %. My heart was so fucking crushed when I saw him the ICU, all pale, IVs sticking out every which way, and a giant feeding tube shoved down his throat. That week, was probably the worst week in my entire life.     All in the months of May and June; my childhood dog died at 13, right before her birthday in July.    I had to re-home my lizard because I am moving and she means literally so much to me. I fucking bawled even thinking about her leaving my home. Luckily she went to a good family friend, but it's like parting from my child for me.    I got into a big fight with my old best friend and they said some really cruel and nasty things about me and I honestly don't know when that wound will heal for me.    My therapist from since I was 2 years old, has cancer. It rapidly approached and in just a month she went from active and clear headed, to being at the point where she can no longer take care of herself and needs daily assistance.    During this entire year, I think I've been abusing a substance, using it as a crutch. I want to get help, but I also don't want to necessarily stop altogether.    So basically that was my year (so far). I have to admit, there have been some really wonderful things that have happened, but it's hard to enjoy them. I mean, this year will always be branded into my brain (The most being my father's near death experience).    Thank you for reading and I hope you can have a wonderful rest of 2019