She already died, and it seems like you and your kids already went through the mourning phase.    Whether the origin of the issue was physical or mental, the war is over, although there might be lone battles left.    You're not really fighting your (ex) wife, but more her ghost or wraith that refuses to move on, even though it died on so many levels already.    You're a strong person. Stronger than I think I could be in those circumstances.    I wish you and your children the best, because you deserve it.