TEXT: Originally written by Marta Kauffman and David Crane. Transcribed by guineapig. SCENE 1: CENTRAL PERK. (ALL PRESENT EXCEPT RACHEL AND ROSS) MONICA: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with! JOEY: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him! CHANDLER: So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece? PHOEBE: Wait, does he eat chalk? (THE OTHERS STARE, BEMUSED) PHOEBE: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh! MONICA: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having s*x. CHANDLER: Sounds like a date to me. (CUT TO SAME SET) CHANDLER: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realise I am totally naked. ALL: Oh, yeah. Had that dream. CHANDLER: Then I look down, and I realise there's a phone... there. JOEY: Instead of...? CHANDLER: That's right. JOEY: Never had that dream. PHOEBE: No. CHANDLER: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. And it turns out it's my mother, which is very weird, because- she never calls me! (CUT TO SAME SET. ROSS HAS NOW ENTERED) ROSS: (MORTIFIED) Hi. JOEY: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. MONICA: Are you okay, sweetie? ROSS: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck... CHANDLER: Cookie? MONICA: (EXPLAINING TO THE OTHER
SUMMARY:
After leaving her fiancé, Barry, at the altar. Rachel moves into Monica's New York apartment. Chandler and Joey, who live across the hall from Monica, console Ross after his wife Carol, has just left him for another woman. Monica, a chef, falls for "Paul the Wine Guy" only to be crushed that their night of passion was merely a one-night stand. The gang urge Rachel to be more independent by cutting up her father's credit cards. Rachel, who has never worked before, is offered a waitress job at Central Perk coffee shop. Ross, who has had a crush on Rachel since high school, asks if he can ask her out sometime.