TEXT: Scene: The University Cafeteria. Leonard: No, seriously, I think I've finally figured out my problem with women. Sheldon: The capybara is the largest member of the rodent family. Leonard: What does that have to do with me and women? Sheldon: Nothing. It was a desperate attempt to introduce an alternate topic of conversation. Leonard: My problem is, I don't project confidence. So I decided that the next time I meet a woman I think is attractive, rather than holding back and being cautious, I'm going to assume the mantle of self-assurance. Raj: Oh, yeah? What's that look like? Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. And you are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget. Raj: Where are we going? Howard: Good news. I made it onto the team for the new Defence Department laser-equipped surveillance satellite. Sheldon: Excuse me. If we're changing topics, I believe I have first dibs with capybara, a rodent the size of a baby hippo. Leonard: Congratulations Howard. Howard: Thanks. Listen, I have to get a security clearance, so you guys might be hearing from the FBI. Raj: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't want to speak to the FBI. Leonard: Why not? Raj: I'm brown and I talk funny. Howard: They're just doing a background check on me. Raj: It doesn't matter. They'll find a reason to give me a one-way ticket back to Gandhi-ville. By the way, when I say that, it's not offensive. Leonard: Don't be ridiculous, Raj. You're here legally. Raj: Nobody cares. Do you know how long it's been since I got through airport security without being given a colonoscopy? Sheldon: You know, I try very hard to make our lunch hours educational and informative, but your insistence on talking about your own lives stymies me at every turn. Leonard: Fine, Sheldon, tell us about your giant rodents. Sheldon: No, you
SUMMARY:
Howard needs security clearance to work on a new project, so an FBI agent comes to ask Leonard, Sheldon and Raj about his background. Since the agent is an attractive woman, Raj and Leonard embarrass themselves. Sheldon, however, tells her about the time Howard drove a Mars rover into a ditch (The Lizard-Spock Expansion), so Howard is rejected for the project. Howard rejects Sheldon's apologies until he is allowed[clarification needed] to sit in Sheldon's spot on the couch, although Sheldon takes it back after 94 seconds.