TEXT: Teleplay: Robert Carlock Story: Scott Silveri [Scene: Central Perk] Monica: It's so weird, how did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie. Ross: Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too ok? But SURPRISE! Chandler: I missed most of the party (pause) Charlie's a girl, right? Ross: Yes, she is this new professor of my department that I did not kiss. Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD! Ross: Why do you care so much? Monica: Yes Rachel, why do you care so much? Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common. Ross: Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils... Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid! Rachel: All right, so... Ross, you're ok with all this? I mean... Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it... (Joey and Charlie enter. Ross looks at her) Ross: Oh, God. I forgot how hot she was! Joey: Hey! All: Hi! Ross: I'm gonna get some more coffee. Charlie: Oh, you know what? I'll come with you! Ross: Ok. (they both go) Chandler: (to Joey) So, a professor, uh? Joey: Yeah! She is cool, and she's so smart! Her mind is totally acrimonious (which, being Joey, he mispronounces "amonious"). (pause) That's not how she used it
SUMMARY:
Chandler and Monica undergo fertility testing and are surprised to encounter Janice. Rachel makes an appointment at a massage place, Phoebe tells her the place is horrible and rips up Rachel's certificate. Rachel tapes the certificate back together and goes to the massage place against Phoebe's wishes, but she doesn't know that Phoebe actually works there. Joey needs help advancing in his relationship with Charlie, and turns to Ross for advice. Guest star: Maggie Wheeler