TEXT: Originally written by Marta Kauffman and David Crane. Transcribed by guineapig. PRE-INTRO SCENE: CENTRAL PERK (ALL PRESENT) MONICA: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it. JOEY: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious? PHOEBE: Oh, yeah! RACHEL: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. MONICA: Absolutely. CHANDLER: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out. ROSS: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket. CHANDLER: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake. RACHEL: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone. JOEY: (PAUSE)....Are we still talking about s*x? SCENE 1: MUSEUM OF PREHISTORIC HISTORY (ROSS AND MARSHA ARE SETTING UP AN EXHIBIT, WHICH INCLUDES SOME MANNEQUINS OF CAVE PEOPLE) ROSS: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry? MARSHA: Well, she has issues. ROSS: Does she. MARSHA: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet! ROSS: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close
SUMMARY:
Carol tells Ross that she is pregnant with his child. When Ross attends the sonogram appointment, he is stunned to learn that Carol and her partner, Susan, want to give the baby their last names, but not his. When Rachel returns her engagement ring to Barry, she expects him to be heartbroken, but learns he went on their cancelled honeymoon with her maid-of-honor, Mindy. Monica stresses over her and Ross' parents coming for dinner, knowing her mother will fawn over Ross and criticize her.