TEXT: ACT ONE Scene One - KACL Frasier is doing his show. Frasier: Well, Karl, I guess you've got two choices. Either you have the tattoo removed, or you travel the globe searching for another soul mate named Fredwina. We'll be right back after this. He goes to commercial. Roz comes in with a travel brochure. Roz: Hey, I was just looking over this offer you got from the Siren Cruise Line. They want to know if- Frasier: Roz, you know my policy on commercial endorsements. Roz: Just listen. One of their celebrity entertainers cancelled on a ship that's going to Alaska, and they'll let us both go for free if you'll fill in, and all you have to do is give a brief lecture- Frasier: Roz, I'm a psychiatrist, not a huckster! There are still some of us in this profession who believe in-[sees brochure] mahogany wainscoting? Roz: Isn't that fabulous? And just look at those staterooms! Frasier: Wow... Roz: Not to mention the gourmet chefs, the world-class health spa... Frasier: Well, it does sound awfully tempting, Roz, but I just don't think it's right to trade on one's good name for a free trip. Roz: Well, plenty of people do. Look, Zubin Mehta did one, General Schwartzkopf, and it says right here, Gore Vidal did two of them! Frasier: Gore Vidal? He hates everything! Roz: But, if you feel it would tarnish your image, I'll just call Vicki and tell her you said no. She goes into her booth. Frasier, sensing an opening, grabs at it. Frasier: Vicki? Who's Vicki? Roz: Oh, she books the celebrities. We met once at a party a long time ago, I'm surprised she remembered me. Frasier, we're on in ten seconds. Frasier: Now, just hold on a minute, Roz, you didn't tell me
SUMMARY:
Frasier, Roz, Niles and Martin take a cruise to Alaska . Frasier is booked as the celebrity guest, and is disappointed when he discovers that the living quarters are abysmal, and there turns out to be no one on board wanting to see him, nor any other well-known entertainment acts. Roz is pursued by a 1970s dance musician, Carlos "The Barracuda" del Gato. Niles is on the cruise trying to forget his troubles; it is his wedding anniversary and he should have been with Maris, but she disappeared off to Switzerland. What he does not know is that Frasier left a message suggesting she join them, and she is aboard.