TEXT: Originally written by Marta Kaufmann and David Crane. Transcribed by guineapig. Special thanks to Rachel Stigge for correcting my Italian. [Pre- intro scene: Chandler's office block. Chandler is on a coffee break.] [Enter Shelley] Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going? Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this? Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you. Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or'self-destructive'... Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday? Chandler: Yes please. Shelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's- Chandler: He's a he? Shelley: Well yeah!...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now- [backs out of the room] -okay, goodbye... [Opening credits] [Scene 1: Mon+Rach's. Everyone is there.] Chandler:...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that? Rachel: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be... Chandler: You did? Rachel: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not. Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me? Monica: I did. Phoebe: Yeah, I think so, yeah. Joey: Not me. Ross: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did. Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't? Ross: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I
SUMMARY:
Ross and Monica rush to the hospital when their elderly grandmother is taken ill. After she passes, the family individually go in to say their goodbyes. Ross and Monica are shocked when their "dead" grandmother momentarily revives before dying again. Chandler is astounded when a work friend tries fixing him up with a male colleague, and wants to find out why most of his co-workers and others initially think he is gay. The gang attend Ross and Monica's grandmother's funeral. At the reception, Monica subtly confronts her mother about her constantly critical attitude. Ross, who fell into an open grave and hurt his back, becomes loopy on muscle relaxers.