TEXT: Scene: The apartment. Leonard enters, drops his keys in the bowl by the door, then collapses onto the settee. Sheldon enters from the bedroom area. Sheldon: Good morning, Leonard. Leonard: Uh-huh. Sheldon: Yeah, we're going to have to stop by Pottery Barn on the way to work, I bought these Star Wars sheets but they turned out to be much too stimulating to be compatible with a good night's sleep. I don't like the way Darth Vader stares at me. Leonard: I'm not going to work. Sheldon: Oh, just because your career's been stagnant for a few years, that's no reason to give up. Leonard: Sheldon, I was up all night using the new free-electron laser for my X-ray diffraction experiment. Sheldon: Did the laser accidentally burn out your retinas? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Then you can drive. Let's go. Leonard: Didn't I tell you I'd be working nights, and that you'd have to make other arrangements. Sheldon: You did. Leonard: And? Sheldon: I didn't. Let's go. Leonard: Goodnight, Sheldon. Sheldon: But how am I going to get to work? Leonard: Take the bus. Sheldon: I can't take the bus any more. They don't have seatbelts. And they won't let you lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords. Leonard: You tried to lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords? Sheldon: I didn't try, I succeeded. For some reason it alarmed the other passengers and I was asked to de-bus. Leonard: Oh, you're a big boy, you'll figure it out. Sheldon: Don't talk to me like I'm a child. Now, take me to return my star wars sheets! Scene: Outside Penny's apartment. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny... Penny
SUMMARY:
For several days Leonard works on an experiment involving a free-electron laser which is only available at night, so he cannot drive Sheldon to the university as usual. In succession, Sheldon asks Penny, Howard and Raj to drive him, but each in turn ejects him from the vehicle for being annoying. The group finally stage an "intervention" and tell Sheldon to get a driver's license and learn to drive. After a trip to the DMV results in Sheldon getting his learner's permit, the group sets up a driving simulator for him in the living room. However, Sheldon turns out to be an appalling driver, claiming to be 'Homo novus automobilis' and therefore too highly evolved to learn to drive, so he decides to live in his university office to avoid having to commute. Leonard finally reveals he actually finished his experiment a week earlier than he stated, to avoid having to drive Sheldon to work.