TEXT: Dwight: [as elevator door closes] Hold it! Creed: [notices something new about Dwight] New glasses. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Dwight. What a ridiculous, fancy clown you are. Dwight: I am dressed according to the Schrute codes of mourning. My aunt Shirley has died. Pam: Oh, Dwight. I'm so sorry. Were you guys close? Dwight: I would say that she raised me, but let's not kid each other. I raised myself. She was, however, the closest thing I had to a mother. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: My actual mother was very cold and distant. I'd say she was the closest thing I had to an aunt. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: My condolences. Dwight: Keep them. Jim: OK. Now, what do we got in these two pails? Dwight: In keeping with Schrute custom, I will either invite you to Saturday's funeral by sprinkling red, fertile dirt in your face. Or, I will ask you to keep a respectful distance during my time of grief, with a dusting of black, slightly acidic soil. Erin: [after Dwight tosses dirt on her face] What color is it? Phyllis: It looks pretty black. Kevin: [after Dwight tosses dirt in his face] Yep. Acidic, all right. Oscar: [while Dwight prepares to toss dirt] Oh, thank god. Dwight: Excuse me? Oscar: I'm so sorry, Dwight. And if you want me to be there, of course I will go. I just... have a personal training session... Dwight: OK. That's not... [tosses red dirt in Oscar's face] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: I get red dirt. Nobody is getting red dirt. I should've kept my mouth shut. We're not even that close. I've only known Dwight... 12 years. 12 years. Time is a son of a bitch. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [a
SUMMARY:
Oscar attends the funeral of Dwight's Aunt Shirley at Schrute Farms. Dwight's sister Fannie ( Majandra Delfino ) and brother Jeb ( Thomas Middleditch ) also attend and Shirley stipulates in her will that they are set to inherit her farm only if they choose to live and work it themselves. Todd Packer ( David Koechner ) returns to the office to make amends as part of an alcoholic and narcotics recovery process but instead hands out cupcakes laced with laxatives and drugs.