TEXT: Dwight: Kevin Malone, you're next. Spit that out. [Kevin shoves the rest of the donut he's eating into his mouth] Spit... Okay, come on, let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You look cute today, Dwight. Dwight: Thanks, girl. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Which is unfortunate because as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Let's go over some of the symptoms of marijuana use, shall we? You tell me who this sounds like: slow moving, inattentive, dull, constantly snacking, shows a lack of motivation. Kevin: [nods] Hey... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I like the people I work with generally, with four exceptions. But someone committed a crime and I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [mimicking Stanley] I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip. Pam: [laughs] Jim does the best impressions. Sometimes he'll look up at me from his desk and he'll just be someone else. Like he'll go um, [makes mournful face, giggles] that's supposed to be Phyllis. I can't do it as good as he can. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: And the guys are saying, chug, chug, chug, but I'm so small and all I'd eaten that day was one of those Auntie Anne pretzels from the food court so I said "Is it okay if I sip it?" and they said no, but Ryan seemed cool either way. Dwight: Stop! This is not Kelly Kapoor story hour. Illegal drugs were consumed on company property, okay? Your ass is on the line, mister! My ass is is on the line! Now I'm going to ask you again
SUMMARY:
Dwight finds a leftover joint in the parking lot, and begins an investigation to find the owner. After no one confesses, he schedules a drug test. Michael, worried that he will not pass, pressures Dwight for a cup of clean urine. Dwight is conflicted, but gives in to Michael's demand, and afterward resigns as a volunteer sheriff's deputy for breaking his oath.