TEXT: Scene: The cafeteria. Leonard: I was reading about this jellyfish that never dies. Instead, it reverts to its asexual state and then grows up again. Howard: We thought my 90-year-old grandfather had reverted to an asexual state, but the lawsuit from his Jamaican caregiver proved us all wrong. Leonard: My point is, immortality is not only a possibility, it is real. Raj: Only if you're this jellyfish which periodically reverts to a mass of undifferentiated protoplasm. Sheldon: If I could keep my Gmail account, I'd be okay with that. Barry: - Hewwo, fewwas. All: Hey. Barry: Wemember when we were twying to figuwe out what that smell coming fwom Pwofessor Tupperman's office was? Howard: Yeah? Barry: Turns out it was Tupperman. Dead at his desk for two weeks. Howard: That's terrible. Leonard: Oh, my God. Barry: In wieu of fwowers, the department chair is asking that evewyone donate a bottle of Febweze. Sheldon: If we're going to change the topic from jellyfish, I'd be okay with brine shrimp or the history of the unicycle. Howard: Show a little compassion, a man died. Barry: And turned into a puddew of goo. Now, we can either sit awound and cwy over spilt pwofessor, or we can wejoice in the knowwedge that a tenured position has just opened up. I choose to do the watter. Sheldon: Excuse me, the whole tenure system is ridiculous. A guaranteed job for life only encourages the faculty to become complacent. If we really want science to advance, people should have chips implanted in their skulls that explode when they say something stupid. Raj: Well, I believe people do their best work when they feel safe and secure. Sheldon: Pchew! Barry: If you need my nose, you'll find it firmwy wodged up the qectum of the
SUMMARY:
After Professor Tupperman's death, Sheldon, Leonard, Raj and Kripke fight for his tenured position and try to impress Janine Davis, Caltech's HR administrator and head of the tenure committee. Leonard and Kripke exercise with her at the gym to talk to her, but Leonard suffers an asthma attack. Raj sends her a 90-minute video autobiography. Sheldon gives her a DVD of the TV miniseries Roots to make up for his racist comments in The Egg Salad Equivalency but when she doesn't appreciate it, he offends her by asking "you are black, right?". Sheldon, Leonard and Raj attend Tupperman's memorial service, Sheldon and Leonard taking Amy and Penny to impress the tenure committee. On their encounter before the memorial service they lash out at each other, even Amy and Penny joining in. The fight stops only when Leonard realizes he would rather lose the tenured post than lose his friends. The five decide to leave, but stay after observing Kripke flatter Mrs. Davis. Sheldon, Leonard and Raj are eventually shortlisted for the tenured position purely on the basis of their accomplishments. Sheldon thanks Mrs. Davis, but offends her yet again by offering her a supposed "traditional black handshake".