TEXT: ACT ONE Scene One - Café Nervosa Frasier gets his coffee from the counter person. Frasier: Thank you very much. He turns to Roz, who is sitting with some photos. Frasier: Well, Roz - oh! Baby pictures? Roz: Actually, these aren't the most flattering. Frasier: Oh, nonsense. Baby Alice couldn't possibly take a bad picture. [takes them and looks] Oh, well, that's just adorable, the silly little one with the jam all over her face. Roz: Well, actually that's not jam, Frasier. It's baby eczema. Frasier: Oh. Well, don't worry about that. That sort of thing is bound to clear up. [looks at next picture] Or spread. Roz: Just give them back! She snatches the photos. Niles comes in. Niles: Hello, all. Frasier: Niles. Niles: Ooh, baby pictures! Roz: Oh, I really don't want anyone to look at those! Niles: [looks anyway] Well, I don't know why not. Botticelli himself couldn't have painted a more perfect angel. Roz: Thank you, Niles! She is precious, isn't she? She gazes proudly at the photos. Niles throws a disgusted leer at Frasier, who mouths, "I know." Frasier: Anyway, Niles, uh, how did things go with Maris's lawyers? Niles: [to waiter] Cappuccino, please. [sits down] Maris is determined to prolong my suffering. She's asked to postpone our court date another eight months. Frasier: Eight months?! Niles: Yes, last night I was in such a state I almost wished I had a piano to crawl under. Roz: What? Niles: Oh, uh, it's a habit I developed as a child to combat anxiety. There's something about the safe, dark, protective environment that seemed comforting to me. Frasier: Yes, the week before his first Little
SUMMARY:
Maris 's divorce lawyers have motioned to postpone the trial date for eight months, which will be ruinously expensive for Niles. Frasier recommends he find himself new lawyers, and Roz suggests an ex-boyfriend of hers, Donny Douglas . Donny is cheery, uncouth, and slobby, but aggressively deals with Maris' lawyers, who are cowed into submission. Donny is hired, and begins preparing the family for deposition . Maris' lawyers are claiming that Niles was in love with Daphne throughout the period that the marriage was breaking apart, and Frasier feels unable to lie under oath to deny it. As Niles prepares for the inevitability he may have to come clean to Daphne about his feelings for her, Donny discovers that Maris' family fortune was made from urinal cakes, rather than lumber as she had always claimed. To spare herself embarrassment, she agrees to a quick divorce to ensure Niles' silence. However, his happiness is quickly quashed upon discovering Daphne and Donny have started dating.