TEXT: Act One Scene One - High-Priced French Gourmet Shop Martin is standing around with Eddie whilst Niles tastes some cheese with his eyes closed. The French shopkeeper, Robert - which, should be noted, is pronounced in a French accent with a soft t (it sounds very much like "roe bear"), helps him. Robert: Now for a difficult one. Niles: [tastes] Firm, velvety rind, a bit smokey, mmm... applewood, I think. Robert: Oui. Martin: This is what I get for sending you to sleep-away camp in France! Robert: Can I help you with anything else, monsieur? Martin: No thanks, this six-dollar can of dog food will be fine. It sure teaches me not to leave my shopping till the last minute again. Niles: [realizes] Oh, is it Reblochon? Robert: You are good, Dr. Crane. Martin: Yeah, he's a regular cheese whiz! Niles: I'll take half a pound of the Reblochon and half a pound of St. André and I know I ask this every week but... is it here? Robert: Is what here? Niles: You know very well what I mean; the imported Swiss prosciutto. Robert: Aaah, the Bidnelfleisch! I am sorry, if only you had been here one hour ago... Niles: Damn! Robert: You would have seen it arrive. He bursts into mocking, high-pitched laughter. Niles laughs a little too - while breathing heavily and clutching his heart. Robert: I have my fun with you. Niles: [tormented] You do, Robert, you make me long for the days when you barely spoke English. Slice, slice like the wind, I'll take a pound. Meanwhile, Martin is looking at some samples on a table. Martin: Whoa! Eighteen dollars a pound! This salami's good, but it's not that good. Robert: That saucissons was aged for six months and was cured in a small village at the foot of the Pyrenees at Gilder Brown
SUMMARY:
Dr Clint Webber (guest star Billy Campbell) hosts a new show on KACL about health issues. Alll the women at the station find him extremely attractive, and Bulldog is not happy. Frasier himself decides that he can endure this man being more attractive than he is, assuming that there are other areas in which he surpasses Clint. Before long, though, he learns that Clint is also an old Oxonian, an expert squash player, fluent in French and a godson of José Carreras. Frasier maintains that he is not jealous, and tries to cultivate a friendship with Clint, but the list of his skills and abilities seems to grow over time. Eventually, when as a guest on Frasier's radio show, Clint interposes an alternative diagnosis for a caller and she prefers it, Frasier changes his tune, and thereafter refuses to rest until he has discovered just one flaw or deficiency.