TEXT: Act 1 Scene 1 - KACL [Fade in. Frasier is on the air with a caller, Roz is at her console.] Frasier: Despite your healthy teen skepticism, Jeremy, problems that seem crushing now can actually serve to shape your life in positive ways later on. Jeremy: [voice over] You're just saying that. Frasier: No, well, I'll tell you what, perhaps I can convince you with a story. I recall a young man who suffered from involuntary bedwetting until he was twelve years old. Or was it thirteen? Boy, you'd think I'd remember, I slept in the lower bunk. The point is, it was very difficult for him, what with the alarms, and the bladder stretching exercises and the incessant teasing he suffered once his schoolmates found out. Jeremy: [v.o.] How'd they find out? Frasier: [guiltily] The point I'm trying to make here is that this man today is a prominent and respected psychiatrist. And you see, his affliction served to make him stronger, more empathic, and extremely hygenic. So, hang in there, Jeremy. Jeremy: [v.o.] Okay. Thanks Dr. Crane. [He hangs up.] Frasier: Thank you. And thank you, listeners. This is Dr. Frasier Crane saying good day and good mental health. [He shuts down, rises and takes off his headset as Roz comes in from her side.] Roz: That was...kind of brave to admit you were a bed wetter. Frasier: Oh, Roz, pay attention! That was Niles, not me. You know, I've got to run. I'm still putting the finishing touches on my speech for the Boston conference. Roz: Did you come up with a title? Frasier: Yes. As a matter of fact, Niles will be introducing me on "Notes for a Critical Approach to Radio As Mediating Gateway in the Process of Psychological Demystification". Roz: Good speech, what's the title
SUMMARY:
Frasier, Martin, Niles and Daphne are in Boston for a conference that Frasier and Niles will attend. They encounter Frasier's old friend Cliff Clavin (played by John Ratzenberger ) at the airport bar, who thinks Frasier is in town for his retirement party before he moves to Florida , and end up going along to the party with him before dinner. The only ones not in attendance are Sam (who is using the bar for a Red Sox reunion party), Woody (who is out with his wife Kelly and their child), Rebecca , and Diane (the latter two aren't mentioned at all). Martin hits it off with Norm Peterson ( George Wendt ). Both are able to correctly figure out the other's preferred method of beer consumption by their handshake, and they swap beer stories. Daphne meets Cliff, and takes all of his erroneous trivial facts and stories at face value. Niles is the only person not having a good time; he has to prepare an introduction for Frasier's speech, and must continually postpone a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant. Niles's mood changes, though, when Carla ( Rhea Perlman ) begins telling him of all the pranks and jokes that she and the others used to play on Frasier. Eventually, Cliff confides in Frasier, saying that he does not believe any of his supposed friends actually care that he plans to leave town. When Cliff leaves for a walk around the block, Frasier shares this news, and inspires everyone to deliver speeches in Cliff's honor. Everything is going well... until Carla, after years of frustration at Cliff's chatter, snaps. She goes on a long rant, discussing how joyous she is that he is finally leaving, and claims that the past few years of her life would have been more enjoyable had she been "covered in open sores and thrown into a pit of starving rats!" Upon hearing this, Cliff pauses... and announces that only a true friend would make such a wonderful, humorous speech. He decides that he cannot leave such good friends, and opts to stay in Boston! This naturally infuriates Carla, who tries to shoot Cliff with a harpoon gun he received as a present while the others try their best to restrain her.