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i hate this time i am super bored but everyone is sleeping

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markress understand that we are all busy i can only tweet after work

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i need help managing this idk what s causing it but you know when like you anticipate something happening and you get that sinking feeling in your stomach it literally make me feel terrible it s been happening since my toxic ex and i ended which wa year ago i wa on medication and stopped because it s only gotten worse overtime i don t think it ha anything to do with that i m sick of this feeling edit i only don t feel anxiety when i m drunk which is weird considering a lot of people i know get heightened anxiety

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i m nearing the end of a long project that i have worked on from the end of last november and my body is trying to shut down to prevent me from doing it i know this fatigue is psychosomatic there is no physical source for it but trying to ignore it can only take me so far if i could work at the same peak rate i did around january and feburary i would ve finished this thing already a week ago and knowing that piss me off every single day i manage to do half of what i planned to do and no matter how hard i push myself i can t do six hour worth of work in even if i sit my as down and tell myself i am not getting up before this fucking thing is finished it run me ragged at worst trying to force myself to pick up my tool and move my hand i get so tired i get out of breath from just sitting at a desk i m perfectly healthy and in my late 0 and i know this is psychosomatic but no matter what i try i can t get myself to fight my way through it without this i would ve been finished long ago how do i make this stop

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well bed time now am sigh back to am morning for a week on wednesday

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kilishi kween because her mama carry her shoe she ll enter depression and want to heal na wa ooo if she carry your car and money fa

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a girl i absolutely love left me and doesnt want me to be apart of her life at all anymore due to too many argument in the relationship she lost her trust in me but i cant seem to get all the memory of u out of my head i love her and it hasnt gotten any easier i just dont know if i can handle the pain much longer

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legit i am yet i wan na end it bad parent not my other one tho there good friend don t even care and only talk to me if i talk to them yeah and i m trans i didn t ask to be born male did i fuck it

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they usually make me zzzz but not today

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jazred i told you if i caved i d end up abusing it much like i do facebook it s because i don t have any real friend

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wishing we had fast internet now not in year http bit ly i oi

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ughhhhhhhhhh twitter is bing sooooo retarded

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ugh just read on cnn that they found the cantu girl s body in a pond near their home how terrible for her family

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hey everyone so the title say it all been going through depression since i wa around the age of currently i am and beginning to lose to my demon this often push me to take thing to the extreme for example if i want to achieve something then i become obsessed with it and go all out so to say otherwise i feel dead inside people think of me a this strong individual because i have never shown my weakness to anyone even my family so everyone is oblivious to my inner suffering it s a pure living hell it s like having rabies but instead of dying it constantly attack your brain and make you think of irrational thing day in and day out i don t have anything to brag about in my normal life average job no education after high school no car no girlfriend no friend no money to go on holiday nothing the only thing that i got going for myself is my gym addiction built a decent physique over the year and planned to actually compete ironically i had all of these thing minus the money part when i wa in high school lost the ability to smile a well i laugh at joke at funny thing but my heart is dead i became unable to form relationship of any kind whether they d be romantic or friend related just recently lost my business too i am in debt on top of that how do you fight demon who always drag you back down to the bottom of a dark empty ocean every time you start seeing light at the end of the tunnel thank you for reading p s i am not suicidal just want to smile again

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eleyvanbow jamesgrickards when the russian economy enters recession then depression and the ruble continues to get hammered the russian people will find solace in the fact that their central bank bought gold the last couple year

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depression is the new cool small thing i m depressed a microscopic glance at what s making them depressed amp you ll realise they re trivial amp le worrisome the people who actually undergo depression barely announce it cause a major xteristic of the syndrome is reclusion

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elanorelle niceee we ran out of filter coffee art work not good forgot my bread to make toast bad start to the day

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i wish i could go bed with out having take an allergy pill

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ashman0 my only complaint about facebook is they ve changed it so much it s confusing

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i just did the sweetest ol boy he wa and telling me about when he wa in the war

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ha hurt her ankle and is going to the dr

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liberalnomo thirtyonemks nowthisnews so what advice would you give a man who ha depression cuz he know his sexuality is off and he s attracted to men he also feel uncomfortable in men clothes and can t get turned on from woman or would you just not even associate with them even tho they re an amazing person

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cant believe i have to go all the way to barnes for work today instead of a minute walk to st john wood

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so ive had a few small victory here and there which have made me noticed how we all make stuff 0x worse than how it actually is idk if it gon na be a long post but hopefully not so my main struggle is health anxiety it shocking how much it changed me ive always lived with it but it became a thing a bit before the pandemic obviously the pandemic made it 0x worse anyways i wa not working barely working out and barely had a social life isolation so i knew i had to do something i enrolled into a master degree in europe i live in mexico so it a big move anyways coming wasnt that hard actually the first few week it wa easy i walked around my new city went out etc my health anxiety wa still there but diminished so now i start class and ive always been a shy person i dont come across a shy somehow but i am and i wa having a hard time feeling like i had friend one thing about my anxiety is that im super functional i may be dying in my head but im still at school and whatever but the thing is i dont have social anxiety i love meeting new people but because i wa in my head dying or thinking that i wa having a stroke or something the nerve were translating to me talking to people i felt odd weird and that everybody noticed im sure there were time were they did but here come the good part a friend frome home came to the same course a me but she came in a few month late so about a month ago when she got here and went to a few class she asked me how are you friend with everybody i wa like huh i feel like im forcing myself on these people and only talk back if they talk to me i dont feel like i have friend ofc i didnt say that but i told her oh yeah whatever lol second victory wa today we have a class where a teacher talk all the time and barely let u talk she had u gather in team for a debate and when it came to me she stopped the class and said you meaning me im gon na pick who you go with cause youre a chit chatter and talk to everybody so they all want you in their team thinking i would have no problem debating since i dont have an issue talking in public at least in my class i wa shocked i still felt like a weirdo sure i did crack a few joke here and there but didnt really feel like people would noticed if i didnt show up but idk it made me realize how even when my mind is crumbling and im on edge people dont notice a much a i think if i told you all the stuff im thinking while im talking to people yall would laugh is this headache a stroke or maybe covid is this twitch a clot am i gon na faint now is this pain from overdosing on pain killer last week and my kidney is about to fail that is just an example of what my mind is thinking while im trying to have a conversation with people this is kind of a wake up call because it all in ur head ive been worried about stroke and disease obsesivelly for year and literally knock on wood everytime everything come back clear and the only think that worrying ha brought me is not enjoying where im at of course it easier said than done but omg im gon na try to remember this everytime

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is needing some love

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i m scared of something and i can t tell whether i m being irrational or not i spend most of my time desperately trying to avoid this particular thing in order to avoid triggering the anxiety i can t even type the word i m not even sure if i m afraid of the thing itself or just the anxiety it provokes i want to confront this fear but i m worried that something bad will happen if i do how do i work up the courage

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i d been free from suicidal ideation for a few month and am distraught to be back in a place of despair i started a new job a stepping stone to what i thought wa my career goal and it seems to be something i m not cut out for emotionally i m a behavior therapist and my client honestly disturb me sometimes have me feeling depressed a i feel there s no hope for them this is very frustrating because this is my third career path and i m only my sleep quality is dipping severely a of late the time in which my brain is supposed to heal i m seemingly unable to eat consistently binging then fasting over and over my new therapist doesn t seem to be much help i m a recovering alcoholic and addict but i m finding myself craving to escape with substance it s not an option however because it would grant me homelessness a i m currently in a sober home it s hard to connect to people i m in a very self critical mindset lately judging my word after every interaction i have i m even feeling internal homophobia i feel this may be the sign of a positive internal reset and spiritual awakening but it s overwhelming nothing feel comfortable right now something snapped in my psyche at year old four year ago and i ve essentially been miserable since i wa diagnosed bipolar type i this mean without medication or proper self care i e sleep i can have an episode of severe depression or mania wherein my mind work in overdrive and it may feel good in fleeting moment but is ultimately disastrous to my life while manic i ve ruined my credit score crashed car and ruined relationship through verbal violence that is a byproduct of my lowered inhibition at this time with sobriety medication and meditation i had been doing well but with a new fork in the road in regard to my career terrible sleep with disturbing and stressful nightmare and utter confusion and frustration a a result i can t even bring myself to suicidality because i ve tried it quite a few time pill other type of pill intentional carbon monoxide poisoning cutting major artery and more pill with alcohol life just seems to be an endless series of pain and suffering i feel like getting in my car and driving i want to drive to a remote area in a state that is foreign to me park my car and just walk starve to death find a cliff and enjoy the sight of a new scene while i m at it what scare me is surviving and being more miserable with a set back that is typically what happens thanks for reading

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ha just realised he work with a bunch of racist

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need to go and do some college work and then go to work having had no food

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this guy and i have been dating for exactly a year the last few day he ha been angry at me because he doesn t like that i sleep and stay in bed all day he yelled at me and told me to do something about my unhappiness on friday night he came into the bedroom and told me that he s sick of my lying in bed all day and always cancelling plan on him then saturday morning he opened the bedroom curtain and i told him to shut them he yelled at me and said that it s a nice day and that i need to see it i came out of the bedroom later and we ended up having sex then i went back to bed how do i dump him

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all these because of sneaker make una try dey choose the problem wey una no wan get how will this spiral you back into depression

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finished making chocolate and foot really hurt

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i m f i ve been bullied throughout my entire school career i wa always the gifted kid until i wa about and started to feel the burn out but i persisted with the gifted class and now i m absolutely burnt out i wa always the friend that everyone went to when they needed something but nobody wa ever available when i needed help i ve always lived for others and never lived for myself and i m tired of it i don t even know what i want in life anymore i m always shut down for my idea i wa molested by a family member for year from the age 0 and since then have been raped time each a separate occasion and person i ve made multiple attempt on my life in the past and used to self harm i ve been clean for a little over a year but the urge are so strong my most recent attempt wa in august 0 and wa an overdose on metoprolol it wa about am and i wa otp with a friend and told him that i wanted to die he told me if you re at peace with that decision then you do what you think is best for you i however don t think that you should do it but i know i can t stop you and i proceeded to down bottle of metoprolol i waited about minute until i could finally feel everything shutting down and woke my younger brother up and told him what i did he called 9 and woke my parent and younger sister up my younger brother watched a the paramedic put me in the ambulance and had to watch me flatline a they were flooding my body with med to keep me awake i got to the hospital and my mom didn t even bother to show up for another hour she stayed with me for a while before she had to go to work and then my dad who abused me my entire life stayed with me and did nothing but complain about me and say that i wa nothing but a coward who wanted to take the easy way out my dad got into it with hospital staff bc he had to leave and nobody could stay with me so i had to leave against medical advice one of my older brother made the hour drive in hour to come down and make sure that i wa safe after my younger brother called him and told him what happened i wa put into a outpatient program afterwards and it helped a lot for a while but after about a month of being out of it i wanted to die again since then i lost one of my older brother and it s been difficult to deal with that and my own problem internally i ve never wanted to kill myself more than i do now i have a plan and everything i wa aiming for my th bday but that s too far from now i just want to give up i m exhausted

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i don t care about therapy school work friend music clothes anything i don t even card enough to eat i don t care to shower or to get up i simply lack energy to care i hate this world my therapist say i should try and do thing i enjoy or atleast keep up with my room but nah i don t care to i m not doing anything anymore

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i ve been struggling with depression for basically my whole life i wasn t diagnosed with anything until a year ago but i believe it s been a problem for me for the last year im really getting frustrated with myself because i see where i used to be and the potential i had and so doe everyone else yet i ve been struggling to get out of bed can t commit to school i ve blocked myself off from seeing friend for reason i m not even sure of long story short i m not who i should or want to be ha anyone else struggled with this i know for myself that i really somedays can not get out of bed but is this something that i can control i want to be better for myself i don t want to have these reoccurring thought of suicide and self hatred am i using it a an excuse to be lazy everyday talking to my parent make me feel like i m just being lazy and i m constantly comparing myself to my brother who appear to be doing good in life please tell it to me straight don t tell me everything will get better i need to fix this asap

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i have a hole in my favourite top i bought it in the sale before christmas so i can t even get an exchange might try fixing it later

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i m coming back around from a deep hole of depression out of the last couple day maybe some of my hardest my life is a whirlwind and i accidentally got off my med for day one day off will really throw me didn t even realize that i didn t take my med until thing calmed down that th day i wa posting here yesterday and some of you really helped me out i m on the other side of it now and just want to thank this sub it wa a brutal low that lasted for sooo long i m on the other side now if i could go back to tell myself anything it s this hold on yes life suck but your brain is lying to you you got ta wait until it start telling you the truth again it s hard and it suck it suck major donkey ball you can t see any good right now i know you have to believe me it s imperative so just hold on

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i always get insomnia at the most inopportune time

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having casual unprotected tweet with twat i ll probably never see again my mom will be so dissapointed

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have watched that considering today yaknow shawnna tomomorrow i need my bestfriend

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waking up to the sound of jackhammer is not a pleasant way to start the day

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jerrrm today can not meeting the whole day gilaaaa

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clarianne april 9th isn t coming soon enough

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rakeman it wa in the 0 f just last week

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dannymcfly haha tell me about it i dont get it either x

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ac dc rocked last night back to reality today 0000 people without home and gt 0 dead in italy

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guh the anatomy on this is horrible but this wa mostly drawn to help me get through some heavy depression so forgive that

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my parent split when i wa i lived with my dad and my sister moved with my mom my father wa a super alcoholic and abusive he used to whip me with cordage punch me while i wa naked because i wa taking a shower to long and basically hit me when ever he wa in the mood when i wa the neighbor kid who wa older than me molested me and i told my dad about it he asked me if i wa some kind of homosexual slang word and did nothing about it he used to wash my clothes and hang dry them above trash and i wa very limited on the amount of time i wa allowed to bathe because of this i got picked on for being the dirty kid fast forward a few year i became the bully a i wa psychically stronger than kid my age i also started stealing food and laundry detergent from the gas station i would put my clothes in trash bag and bike them to the laundry mat when i wa i got a girl pregnant i also started hanging out with people older than me i got into fight alot and started robbing place to eat i got caught and did time in juvenile hall afterwards i wa court ordered to move in with my mom she knew nothing about what wa going on at my dad s house the whole time i felt like if i said anything i would be forced to move and that made me feel guilty because i wa all my dad had left at i wa diagnosed with a nasty skin disorder called hidradenitis suppurativa basically i get boil in my armpit and on my butt there is no cure and surgery usually doesn t work it just come right back this made me skidish when it came to dating and i wa also dealing with my molestation the whole time throughout my whole teenage year i thought i wa gay because of what happened a a child when i wa i met a i fell head over heel for her and vice versa about year in i became extremely possessive gave her zero space and never did anything fun with her we broke up i could see she wasn t happy and asked her one day if she needed to leave and she said yes it wa over throught my late 0 i would check in on her to make sure she wa ok she would get in a relationship but then break up and we would start chatting again this happened time but i never fully pursued her i could tell we had unfinished business and that she had the same feeling for me a i did for her i knew she could get better so i let her go it ha now been year and i haven t dated serious since i have relived our break up 000s of time i will dream of her and wake up and it start all over again that mixed in with my past my skin disorder my job that i hate even though it s good money my addiction my dying mother ha me to the point where i don t want to live i ve also recently learned that my dad s house burnt down and he ha been homeless living out of his car for the past few year i don t know how to react to that for year now i have told myself that when my mother go i m going to kill myself i ve decided to wait until she go because she ha been through a lot a well and i want her to not be alone when she doe my dad wasn t good to her then wa abused by step father he died and all while dealing with severe kidney problem and vitamin deficiency i don t really have a relationship with my daughter i wa a bad father a a teenager i ve tried to do better but i don t think she would ever forgive me for not being there my mom s health is steadily declining so my time is approaching i ve recently bought a gun and now it s all up to my mom to those of you who made it this far i m sorry this post is so long i needed somewhere to vent because a lot of this stuff i have never told anyone thanks for reading

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tw terrorism death amp x 00b i f australia have crippling anxiety surrounding flying and i really want to figure out how to deal with it i didn t know the root cause of this fear until i wa about or so when i wa having a conversation with my parent during this conversation they casually brought up the fact that they had let me watch 9 on the news i wa at the time including all the footage of the moment the plane hit the twin tower people jumping out the recording of people saying goodbye to their loved one and so on for two week after apparently all i would say wa plane go boom despite not remembering any of this it check out a i ve always had a very deep seeded fear of flying for a long a i can remember and i wa clearly just a tad traumatised by this i do remember being a child and always cry in not wanting to go on family holiday because i wa convinced there were bomb on the plane and would be looking under my seat and so on searching the last time i went on a plane wa when i wa for a family holiday where i wa admittedly a massive brat and refused to do any of the activity during the week because i wa so upset that i wa being forced to take mere domestic flight and just wanted to go home because of my ability to now refuse to step on a plane a an adult i have only been to two other country near australia which were all during my childhood it is not lost on me that this is still a very very very privileged position to be in and that there are far worse thing in life than not being well travelled however i would really like to get over my fear of flying because since it is impeding on my life for me my biggest hang up over flying is perhaps the lack of control associated with it i m at the whim of the pilot and the plane i know statistically i m more likely to die in just about any other way but i think what make me not have a crippling phobia of anything else is that i probably delude myself into thinking i have more control in those other situation eg if i get into a train crash or something i have more of a chance of surviving by kicking a window out or someone else dragging me out and often activity like driving are just necessary for going about daily life so i can justify the risk however flying isn t some absolute necessity so i have a far harder time justifying it and am completely distraught over the idea of dying just because i wanted to go on some silly holiday i wa intending to do some travel this year since i ve graduated university and thought i had managed my fear i am supremely grateful that money isn t an issue for me so i m more than happy to spend more on flight with safe airline like qantas for me not to have a complete breakdown mid flight and figured a lot of my anxiety could hopefully be managed through that but the latest china eastern situation ha sent me into a spiral and i m not doing great obviously can t compare it to what the poor victim and their loved one are experiencing i tried to stay away from it but i accidentally saw the still of the plane vertically diving and i nearly threw up i had quite similar reaction to other plane crash in my lifetime and they completely derail my life for week afterwards because i get so upset from it i apologise for how long this post is just a bit of a mess at the moment and have achieved absolutely nothing today except writing this post i m just not really sure where to go from here but am open to any suggestion thank you so much for your comment in advance i genuinely really appreciate it

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amandaenglund sorry to hear about your loss there have been many this year so far

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barryearnshaw pezholio my achilles heel for spending is x dvd s for 0 in hmv

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lady do you feel like your med don t work at all during your period i swear every month around my period and while i m on it i m a absolute anxious depressed mess

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my mom might have breast cancer won t find out anything for like a week i m so worried

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michatagana shame what s wrong

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dannyvegasbaby danny im upset that i wasnt here to watch the live chat i wa in a car for hour on a trip im soooo upset

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joypalmer i wake up at am and think ah yes that s mouse running around in the ceiling again

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heatherlibby oh well she seems like trouble christian slater is trying to kill her at the moment

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theletterj couldn t agree more people keep stealing my elastic band ball

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kourtneykardash i need get my beach bod back

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i have been caught in a cycle of depression v being hyper active it is a struggle to stay focused in either of those state of being doe anyone have a track or a song or even something you made yourself to help get out of this hole i love music and i need a new sound please help

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not sure if actually anxiety related tbh recently during spring break my stress got the best of me and i ended up isolating myself and feeling unempathetic towards those who tried to contact me so i gave up on trying to express my feeling over text and wa really struggling with messaging and stuff today i realized that i wa having trouble getting any word out while speaking to those at school and my best friend yet i could talk to my family fine it s making my friend uncomfortable and i believe they are upset with me yet i can t even get my word out over text not sure what to expect putting this out there hoping for any explanation or help

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spent hour to reach to axis bank only to find out today is holiday for mahavir jayanti contd

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twitter is down

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charltonbrooker you ve got my sympathy i ve got to go have my back x rayed

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this is my first reddit post also my first time sharing this information with anyone but i can t really keep it in anymore man so bear with me hopefully there s a psychiatrist out there that will read this and hit me with some world altering advice because there is absolutely no way in hell i will ever tell anyone especially not a doctor or psychiatrist what you are about to read but i really just need to get this out there first and foremost no im not going to kill myself let s get that out of the way but i do think im depressed i wa telling myself it wa just a life slump for a long time then i wa telling myself it wa just sadness from the slump now i ve literally been sad and thinking negatively of myself almost every day for like a year and i got ta talk about it with someone even if someone is this phone screen i ve always had major self esteem and confidence issue not really sure what it stem from but i have always felt inferior to those around me which btw i can not believe people live life happy with their appearance that is a blessing that people take for granted anyways ive done some research and educated myself with the science behind depression and i believe that over the past few year a mix of rapid lifestyle change and stress related event ha caused me to have depression the part that confuses me is that while my life is on the more stressful and busy side of thing i don t feel like it s a bad life to live i have wonderful friend family i have a great scholarship to a good school i do fun thing and go to party and drink i feel like an average person put in my shoe would be happy and excel if they had any drive or passion at all which i do not probably why i fuck everything up all the time it is common for me to have suicidal thought i really don t know why since in reality i wouldn t want to kill myself i may be a piece of shit but im not selfish nor do i like the pain of self harm i am self aware of these thought and i have attempted breathing and thought altering method to get rid of them but they pierce my heart and mind like a dagger it physically hurt they are not always about suicide but they are always very negative targeted at myself i just can t help staring out at the edge of that cliff wishing i had the nut to finally end it all sometimes i can t look at myself in the mirror because i know it ll lead me to thinking negatively about myself just at the sight of me and a sad a it is to say it i really just do not like myself i look in the mirror and want to smash it or rip my face off because of how ugly i am objectively and on paper i am not the worst looking guy im and im physically fit but holy shit i swear what i see in the mirror and what other people see when they look at me must be completely different there have been a few instance in recent month of people tell me im decent looking or im good looking or i have a nice body and i take the compliment and try and try to see it in myself but i just can t i literally can t i don t see it i don t know where you guy are looking but i truly don t see what you see okay it s not just about my appearance i find myself annoying and awkward i try to be a happy go lucky guy most of the time usually bringing conversation and a smile and sarcasm and even some humor sometimes but behind my smile is most commonly a frown im fucking annoying my thought scream at me at how what i just said is so stupid and i need to shut the fuck up why do i talk so much why would i ask that ect i talk too much sometimes i say thing i dont even mean or agree with just to say something i never know when to talk and when not to and it frustrates me a lot im volatile and irritable and ugh i fuck up most thing i do work school relationship you know how it go the classic poor me self pity i ruin everything type shpeal something about the way i wa made is just wrong i guess that s another one of those negative thought that repeat in my head a lot born wrong today i had the pleasure of envisioning myself fist fighting myself beating my own face in felt great honestly wish i could ve made it a reality i can t find happiness in any of the thing i used to enjoy ive gradually stopped all my hobby except for the gym which is where i take my anger out usually i have a lot of that i can t even sit through a movie without thinking what is the point of me doing this what is the point life feel numb pointless i go about my societal life just like everybody else i study work play sleep rarely but it all feel the same a gray bland mesh of nothing even something like eating delicious food i just don t get enjoyment anymore the best way i can explain how i feel is if im with people and someone make a joke that people laugh at of course i laugh but if nobody else laughed i would never know when to laugh honest opinion of myself i fucking suck im lazy and i lie all the time to keep up a persona of not being a sad downer hater fuck i constantly make poor decision and can t seem to learn from previous one im ugly the only thing im good at are mansplaining and making a fool of myself i say dumb shit and get shit on for it what kind of asshole ha the privilege and opportunity that i have and is still sad and lazy like this im the type of person that wa actually just wired wrong in the head and the fact that i try and try to be appreciative of my life and still can t disgust me to be honest i don t even know who i am a few month ago someone asked me what my hidden talent is i replied nothing i don t have one i really don t have a talent or something im good at and seeing people around me do amazing thing and then watching myself dig deeper and deeper into this rut really hurt i do not feel like this id say about 0 of the time i forget about all my stress and worry and appearance and fuck ups and im actually happy then when the happy go away i realize that whatever made me happy is so very temporary and it all come flooding back im just running around my mess of a life chasing those euphoric mindless high and happiness that seem to get weaker and shorter each time i find them the question i find myself asking often is why why am i doing this why do i feel this way why did i say that why did i do that why am i a certain way yadda yadda i am a realist i also truly believe there is no point to this life why do we all live such stressful unrewarding life putting all our effort in just to die and be forgotten forever i read comment on post like these saying that life is beautiful meet everyone you can experience nature get help it get better it can get better but the thing is no it can t everyone s situation is different i guess but where im at and what im doing nothing gon na change im not going anywhere even if i wa it wouldn t matter societal standing and fancy job position mean nothing human are not made equal everyone is different special in their own way therefore some people are biologically and factually better than others whether it s stronger larger smarter faster people are different and some trait are preferable i just happened to get stuck with the trait that make me fucking suck at life no amount of meditation or antidepressant fuck big pharm is going to change who i am people don t change painting a leopard red doesn t remove his spot it just hide them temporarily well it s and im going to the gym at and then lecture after that so i guess i should sleep a few hour so my motor function stay working so i can keep going on in this endless cycle of pointless effort thanks for hearing my ted talk wish me luck on my chemistry exam good night all lt

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i m at disneyland again ahaha and i m sad the pineapple stand is closed i have dollar

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i dont think my friend are bad people which for some reason hurt to type i cant stand them anymore though im a class clown so everyone think im so outgoing and can talk to people but to be honest i put on a mask i think people are only my friend because im funny im only a joke and not an actual person if i make a self deprecating joke ill be showered with fake compliment or joke about me because you play game or call a group chat im in doesnt make u real friend ive never had a genuine conversation with anybody i know from school or online the closest ive felt to having friend wa talking to someone about a game on omegle nobody actually hang out with me either im in a group chat and somebody call it or someone feel bad and invite me somewhere two of my friend have messed up plan several time with me and dont invite me anywhere now is this some weird fucking pity thing i dont understand anything about them it genuinly upset me and any small comment or joke ruin my day they dont think about these thing but i do maybe they dont bring it up i dont either but atleast they have people to comfort them they can believe whatever garbage they say to eachother but i know any compliment i get is a lie and fake they just like me being funny and telling joke sometimes ill stay in factimes alone after everyone left it usually me and one person left and then they leave im so fucking alone the worst part is i dont fit with anybody in my class there a trans ki in my class and i dont think theyd accept me with how they talk sometimes the others might not either and i know my family 00 wouldnt they all say homophobic shit from time to time and everyone in my family are not my age but much older they all seem like they would treat me differently im so scared i cant go to anybody and i dont like the idea of venting online but here i am

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so recently i wa told i will need a mildly invasive procedure i ve had some symptom that are common with many diagnosis cancer being one of them so now with my anxiety i m terrified and ruminate on the outcome now out of nowhere i have this breathing issue where i feel like some of my breath are not full or deep enough it went from periodically to frequent went to the urgent care and xray look fine the practitioner there said it s most likely anxiety i ve had period of anxiety throughout my life but i ve never experienced this am i alone here

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awake why can t i sleep got to work am hour

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is that snow

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ha twitter changed in past week can only view page of tweet on phone a selecting older repeatedly show page and no more

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whatever sound i hear keep on repeating in my head in an endless loop to the point where if i m in a loud room like the shower or air conditioning is on i start hearing that sound that s looping in my head outside of my mind almost like it warp the real sound and convert it into the sound i hear in my mind i am always very well aware that it s just my head and that it s just the sound repeating although my anxiety can t stop worrying about it being psychosis anyone that can help me i would call my psychiatrist but she doesn t work today so this is my other best option

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catq wa so thinking of you family and friend glad you re okay but it s a black day for italy with all those people killed

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it s my first post here and i ll try to keep it short i m male live in greece had depression from age i don t have enough symptom anymore to be classified a depressed and i m starting to feel lost while the therapy and medication i have been taking for the past month have definitely helped me through tough time my biggest enemy is procrastinating especially with my university responsibility i don t love the subject i m studying chemistry but i do think it can help me find a suitable job in the future so i can provide for me and my family and have free time for hobby what i m having a really hard time with is motivation and discipline i m afraid that the lack of those thing can be the end of me i m constantly worried my gf might realise what a lazy person i really am and dump me despite her being really supportive of me the only thing i don t want is grow to be 0 0 and not be able to have a good life with my wife and kid because of my mental problem

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i give up i won t ever get better my life will be the same for the rest of my life my youth is already wasted i m rotten inside the pill on my desk are a constant reminder but also a comforting way out anytime i would want to the light from my window is a reminder of how the world will go on and forget about me i like that thought i used to feel ashamed for always feeling ignored and not seen but now it s all i want please hate me it will be so much easier please forget about me please don t think about me you deserve better fuck you screw you don t make a face like that you ll get wrinkle you re crazy you re stupid you don t know anything why are you like this why are you laying on your bed all day why did you ignore all the sign mom i m hurt and i want to die why did you forget about the time i told you i tried to kill myself why did you say ew at the time why did you tell me to never do it again why did you tell me we re just gon na have to make it on our own i wanted help i m hurt i m angry and frustrated it s too late for me to get better i want to disappear

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well with 9 score i got a msca pf still can hardly believe it i will spend year across labreif lab maier amp winclove studying gut microbe of treatment resistant depression patient working towards a probiotic product supporting treatment efficacy

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wait i take that back rather than just for today stay away from me for the rest of my life my depression will only get worse with you around

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i remember back in high school senior year my anxiety wa at it absolute worst it wa difficult for me to make friend so i came home and lost myself in video game to try and forget about how difficult it wa for me to talk to people i had to attend school the next day so i needed some way to cope w the anxiety i d play video game all day and do my work last second i graduated then i took extra time off before heading to college even though i didnt attend h anymore i still had anxiety of having to talk to people when eventually going to college i had issue of self worth i continued to play my video game day in and day out it wa excessive and my family occasionally had outburst theyd say thing like what are you a baby you still like video game grow up keep playing those video game you re never going to amount to anything you re so lazy what s your problem i ve grown out of that phase and my anxiety is more manageable nowadays but looking back i d like to make a point if you know some that is incredibly lazy it may not be by choice their head can feel like a complete mess and they may feel like the only way to cope is by zoning out a much a possible just being alone in a room w my thought made my heart race like crazy and excessive sweating ensued some people just wouldnt understand until it happens to them perhaps some of you do though

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elltotheice poor kid damn all those people who want to cut there grass ahaha day lt

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i m so tired for no reason other than going to bed late and sleeping in lately it make me angry

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trigger warning for the last few week i ve been getting random burst of anxiety almost like a panic attack is about to come on when i m out for dinner with friend in work or sometimes even when i m alone i ve dealt with anxiety panic attack in the past and it went away for a while i can t pin point anything that s triggering it since i ve cut out caffeine etc it seems to come on when i become hyper aware of my own existence and that i m here on earth lol idk how else to explain it i have been drinking twice a week maybe this could be causing it i m not sure it s annoying because i m trying to share valuable time with people and this ha been getting in the way it s making me annoyed at myself and i m trying to not beat myself up over it i wa out for dinner earlier tonight with somebody i ve been dating and had to excuse myself to take a breather i explained to him when i came back that i felt a bit anxious and he wa super empathetic and explained it happens to him sometimes too doe anybody know any technique to counteract a panic attack i tried breathing exercise but i d be open to trying anything else if anyone ha any advice

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chick corea wa tonight and i missed it now she sob

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valdezign hmm this beta of nambu ha ping fm and friendfeed disabled boo

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i m so exhausted and i can t stop sleeping staying awake is a struggle i just feel like shit staying awake just make me want to sleep maybe i ll take a nap again

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idk who need to hear this but im really proud of you and you should be of yourself too recently i said that to someone and she said i m proud of myself too and idk how to explain you guy but it really blown my mind like i take myself for granted but we need to understand how much we are doing and living despite having this anxiety i wasn t able to tell my friend about my struggle because im not strong enough to let the people in my life know of my struggle but still i feel proud of myself yes it get messy but we are doing our best and should be proud of ourselves

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i ve just been so overwhelmed lately i d love a break for once in my life i m not asking for much but at this point it seems like only bad thing happen to me i even lost my two only friend a few month ago and now i m all alone again

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in their heart they say it okay to kill yourself at least you didn t become school shooter terrorist psychopath killer etc etc and become a nuisance to other people

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sometimes when i start to fall asleep it s like i get trapped in my dream and can not wake up the dream are usually a very uncomfortable or weird situation sometimes even terrifying i normally feel dizzy and disoriented in the dream once im finally able to wake up im out of breath and panicking im not sure what to make of these event but it mess with my sleep when it occurs i can t fall asleep for a while until i calm my brain down

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might be getting a sore throat again

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bullying ha really given me trauma i have social anxiety because of it i wa bullied in middle school because i wa ugly and i went to a prestigious school so lot of rich kid i m poor and i wa bullied for my clothes i only have friend i m starting to hate going to school and want to become a shut in it s so unfair i used to be so confident and social and now i m scared of raising my hand in class to use the restroom i try to make up natural look for clothes now but i can t do anything about my stupid ugly face and i wish i had the courage to vent irl but i just passively wait for someone to ask first

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i am afraid that they are gon na abandon me or hurt me when people talk around me sometimes i feel out of place and i start to daydream and isolate myself i am afraid to love someone i am afraid that they will realize that i am worthless and abandon me so i stay alone single and i have a hard time loving myself i don t take my place i don t like going out in group often i find that the group move on without realizing that someone is left behind it make me sad i ve had different friend and i ve evolved over time there have been more enjoyable group and i am doing therapy since year yet i don t fit in anywhere i feel traumatized plugged into a different wave it make me want to run away from everything i feel like i don t have what it take inside of me that i don t know how to find myself what can i do

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i hate life hate living every day i wake with no energy and no will no to move further in life it ha beatin me down again and again all i do is work i have friend but never stop feeling lonely the one thing that keep me tethered to this reality is my cat who is currently screaming outside my door i don t care though i haven t cared about much in a long time i think i ve had enough of this world maybe someone reading this will be able to be stronger than me but i think i ve had enough i just don t know what to do and there only seems to be one compact sized way out i m lost

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logging out i need to study

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argh fantasy surfer carnage dane marlon amp nat c all out fantasysurfer

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oh dear all the pup died by last night perhaps it wa because princess rejected them

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hate his pill oh god why do they have to taste so fuckin horrible 0 liter of coke to flush them down isnt even enough

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sorry for the depression i have some problem that are long term and i suffer every second of everyday i am so tired of the mental pain of suffering everyday my eye will never be the same again and i only use my right eye i don t want to have such a shameful death but i wa wondering if you people believe this can possibly be a good choice i am about to have exhausted all of my treatment option

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someone understanding please if you re not i m sorry it ll only make it worse i don t want to vent about my problem because it ll make me break down i hope you understand

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i don t know why i hate myself so fucking much i want it all to end so i can finally be at peace with myself i honestly don t remember a time i wa happy even a a kid i tried to kill myself when i wa because i wa fed up with life they told me it get better but i m now and it s only gotten worse nobody can change how i feel i ve tried therapist different med all that shit nothing ha worked because life is a bitch and it s not easy i commend everyone who is strong enough to continue living because i am not

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burgaw ooooooh sealclap see i download shitloads of zip folder off chan i have no internet money fuck yeah alicia amp mikey

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