Qilex/BabyLM_Big · Datasets at Hugging Face

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To change your personality when you become a parent.
Janice?
We talked about things going wrong, one of the things that's disturbed me about the tone of the discussion has been the emphasis of rights.
When things go wrong, when families come into conflict, people start talking about my rights!
Now you're talking as a, as a solicitor, yes?
I am.
I am also talking from a perspective of the British Agencies for Adoption and Fostering and it's concern for children generally.
Erm I don't think we need to talk about parents' rights, I think we need to look much more at the needs of children and I think we need to listen to children, er particularly when there's conflict, we need to hear what they say about their parents, about what their needs should be.
Let's take the issue of responsibility seriously, not the issue of rights!
To be fair, I didn't, I did say we're talking about parenting and one one could do another programme perhaps, focusing on the child or the needs and rights of the child in specific, but I think I've been looking at the almost the scariness, I suppose, of being a parent, the challenges facing parents and the whole half hour, really, has not been about the joys of parenthood, so much as the problems of parenthood!
Ann,wha what do you make of that?
Well Ja , Janice says we should listen to the children, which is what I did, I interviewed children of divorced parents five years after their divorce, and I found that the children thought that their parents were right to di , to divorce, the parents couldn't sustain their marriages.
But, for the children there was a lot of sadness and they desperately wanted, as I think all, most children of divorced do, to keep in touch with both parents and right from the beginning of a separation.
It's very important that when parents split up the child has the opportunity to know where both parents are living and how to keep in touch with both of them.
I think we have given rather a gloomy vision of what being a parent is
and probably rather a er, a wo one one that will make you think twice if you were thinking of doing it!
Now, I don't how many of you are parents, eighty five of you thought your parents did a good job, fifteen didn't.
Let me ask you, if you could remake decisions, or maybe you are in a position where you could, I wonder whether you would opt for parenthood now, I mean you be what, whether you're able or not able to have children, whether you have or don't have, but given the choice, would you opt for parenthood?
Button one for yes, and button two for no.
And given some of the difficulties which we've suggested in the course of this half hour are involved.
And eighty of the hundred women here say, yes, despite the responsibilities which have been outlined, they would go for parenthood.
The twenty who said no, let's just hear one or two of you, why why why did you say no?
Given the choice, why would yes Jackie?
I I usually there are two categories of women.
All of us as women have the right and and the ability to give birth, that is if we can, there's nothing, er, medically wrong with us but then added to that there are those who have the ability to be good mothers,un unfortunately I don't happen to fall into that category.
Er, but having said that I mean I have a sweet five year old daughter and I wouldn't change her for anything, but given the second chance I wouldn't do it again.
How do you know you don't have the ability to be a good mother?
It's it's just the strains that I've had to go through, raising her up, and the time and the energy and just having myself to be sane, you know and and well!
To make, to give her the welfare and I've proved it, I mean I just sometimes goes off
I can't
Meg, you had the first word you can have the
Yeah, I'm just thinking
last word.
erm, one or two here are adoptive parents of children, not babies, but
Aha.
children, and talking about the strain , I mean some of these kids are very, very disturbed but I voted that I would, I would do it again.
Erm, but I wouldn't do it without a father.
And I was brought up virtually without a, well he felt as if he wasn't a father, he felt as though he was my younger brother all the time!
I certainly would, would ado , adopt again and and despite the strains, and she's quite right !
She's quite right !
But I mean as any adoptive parent here will tell you, the strains when you adopt a child, or adopt children, very disturbed children are much worse !
And yet, I would do it again.
Which is where we'll have to leave it.
I'll tell you one thing, listening to the range of views you've heard tonight, the different opinions and the different situations, whatever you think, you're normal!
See you next week!

Can I give you out there.
Er for five thirty.
That one that's waiting.
Thank you very much.
What happened was that it was the son and I couldn't get he was given and he's never had it in his life .
The wee man must have asked for it.
No.
He probably told you that just to explain things.
But it was a wee thing.
He wouldn't.
But the computer would do it.
It would get our own computer printout .
I don't know But pandemonium this afternoon.
How do you remain so calm when there're all these things?
How do you manage it?
What's the point in getting them all stuffy about it?
But there's hundreds of people
out there.
Ah.
Take it as it comes.
Just
Ah.
take it as it comes.
that .
Oh aye that's the one Sandra's
it should have been a hundred or something.
Mm.
Don't know why because it just means he has to take
Ah.
it three times a day instead of once.
Thank you very much Doctor .
I'll give them to
Right.
Jus
copy to you the first time
Yeah.
Please.

To change your personality when you become a parent.

Janice?

We talked about things going wrong, one of the things that's disturbed me about the tone of the discussion has been the emphasis of rights.

When things go wrong, when families come into conflict, people start talking about my rights!

Now you're talking as a, as a solicitor, yes?

I am.

I am also talking from a perspective of the British Agencies for Adoption and Fostering and it's concern for children generally.

Erm I don't think we need to talk about parents' rights, I think we need to look much more at the needs of children and I think we need to listen to children, er particularly when there's conflict, we need to hear what they say about their parents, about what their needs should be.

Let's take the issue of responsibility seriously, not the issue of rights!

To be fair, I didn't, I did say we're talking about parenting and one one could do another programme perhaps, focusing on the child or the needs and rights of the child in specific, but I think I've been looking at the almost the scariness, I suppose, of being a parent, the challenges facing parents and the whole half hour, really, has not been about the joys of parenthood, so much as the problems of parenthood!

Ann,wha what do you make of that?

Well Ja , Janice says we should listen to the children, which is what I did, I interviewed children of divorced parents five years after their divorce, and I found that the children thought that their parents were right to di , to divorce, the parents couldn't sustain their marriages.

But, for the children there was a lot of sadness and they desperately wanted, as I think all, most children of divorced do, to keep in touch with both parents and right from the beginning of a separation.

It's very important that when parents split up the child has the opportunity to know where both parents are living and how to keep in touch with both of them.

I think we have given rather a gloomy vision of what being a parent is

and probably rather a er, a wo one one that will make you think twice if you were thinking of doing it!

Now, I don't how many of you are parents, eighty five of you thought your parents did a good job, fifteen didn't.

Let me ask you, if you could remake decisions, or maybe you are in a position where you could, I wonder whether you would opt for parenthood now, I mean you be what, whether you're able or not able to have children, whether you have or don't have, but given the choice, would you opt for parenthood?

Button one for yes, and button two for no.

And given some of the difficulties which we've suggested in the course of this half hour are involved.

And eighty of the hundred women here say, yes, despite the responsibilities which have been outlined, they would go for parenthood.

The twenty who said no, let's just hear one or two of you, why why why did you say no?

Given the choice, why would yes Jackie?

I I usually there are two categories of women.

All of us as women have the right and and the ability to give birth, that is if we can, there's nothing, er, medically wrong with us but then added to that there are those who have the ability to be good mothers,un unfortunately I don't happen to fall into that category.

Er, but having said that I mean I have a sweet five year old daughter and I wouldn't change her for anything, but given the second chance I wouldn't do it again.

How do you know you don't have the ability to be a good mother?

It's it's just the strains that I've had to go through, raising her up, and the time and the energy and just having myself to be sane, you know and and well!

To make, to give her the welfare and I've proved it, I mean I just sometimes goes off

I can't

Meg, you had the first word you can have the

Yeah, I'm just thinking

last word.

erm, one or two here are adoptive parents of children, not babies, but

Aha.

children, and talking about the strain , I mean some of these kids are very, very disturbed but I voted that I would, I would do it again.

Erm, but I wouldn't do it without a father.

And I was brought up virtually without a, well he felt as if he wasn't a father, he felt as though he was my younger brother all the time!

I certainly would, would ado , adopt again and and despite the strains, and she's quite right !

She's quite right !

But I mean as any adoptive parent here will tell you, the strains when you adopt a child, or adopt children, very disturbed children are much worse !

And yet, I would do it again.

Which is where we'll have to leave it.

I'll tell you one thing, listening to the range of views you've heard tonight, the different opinions and the different situations, whatever you think, you're normal!

See you next week!

Can I give you out there.

Er for five thirty.

That one that's waiting.

Thank you very much.

What happened was that it was the son and I couldn't get he was given and he's never had it in his life .

The wee man must have asked for it.

No.

He probably told you that just to explain things.

But it was a wee thing.

He wouldn't.

But the computer would do it.

It would get our own computer printout .

I don't know But pandemonium this afternoon.

How do you remain so calm when there're all these things?

How do you manage it?

What's the point in getting them all stuffy about it?

But there's hundreds of people

out there.

Ah.

Take it as it comes.

Just

Ah.

take it as it comes.

that .

Oh aye that's the one Sandra's

it should have been a hundred or something.

Mm.

Don't know why because it just means he has to take

Ah.

it three times a day instead of once.

Thank you very much Doctor .

I'll give them to

Right.

Jus

copy to you the first time

Yeah.

Please.