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post
30fnlt
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,413,871
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fnlt/why_was_the_cheesemaker_lopsided/
self.jokes
null
Because he only had one Stilton!
Why was the cheesemaker lopsided?
1
post
30fmcr
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,413,260
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fmcr/whats_the_most_common_last_words/
self.jokes
null
Allah Hu Akbar
What's the most common "last words"?
0
post
30fm2t
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,413,115
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fm2t/my_girlfriend_called_me_a_pedophile_thats_a_big/
self.jokes
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fm2t/my_girlfriend_called_me_a_pedophile_thats_a_big/
null
My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a 5 year old.
1
post
30flzt
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,413,075
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30flzt/i_ran_a_marathon/
self.jokes
null
1 mile a day for 26 days boo ya.
I ran a marathon!
3
post
30fluw
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,413,010
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fluw/kanye_replaces_zayn_in_one_direction_and_kicks/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
Kanye replaces Zayn in One Direction and kicks everyone out. "There's only one direction," he said. "West."
1
post
30flre
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,412,966
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30flre/why_was_the_cheesemaker_lopsided/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
Why was the cheesemaker lopsided?
1
post
30flmu
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,412,913
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30flmu/what_does_jeremy_clarkson_have_in_common_with_amy/
self.jokes
null
He can't do 'top gear' anymore!
What does Jeremy Clarkson have in common with Amy Winehouse?
1
post
30flg4
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,412,813
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30flg4/what_covers_the_outside_of_a_dogwood_tree/
self.jokes
null
Bark.
What covers the outside of a dogwood tree?
3
post
30fldx
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,412,781
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fldx/three_guys_are_sitting_in_a_sauna/
self.jokes
null
Three guys are sitting in a sauna: a Mexican, an Asian, and a white guy. The Mexican and white guy are showing off their new tech gadgets. The white guy says, "Hey, look what I got: the new Google Glass!" The Mexican & Asian say, "Wow, that's nice, man." Then the Mexican guy says, "Check out my new cellphone; it's a watch!" The white guy and Asian say, "Very cool, dude." The Asian guy has nothing to show these guys, so he gets up and walks away naked to to the bathroom. Then he comes back 5 minutes later from the bathroom still naked with paper hanging out of his butt crack. The Mexican and white guy say, "Hey, you have something hanging out of your ass." The Asian guy says, "Oh look, I'm receiving a Fax!"
Three guys are sitting in a sauna
0
post
30fkbn
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,412,250
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fkbn/how_do_you_know_if_your_roommate_is_gay/
self.jokes
null
When his Dick tastes like shit
How do you know if your roommate is gay?
2
post
30fk71
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,412,185
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fk71/the_bar_tender_asks_what_can_i_get_for_you/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
The bar tender asks "What can I get for you?"
1
post
30fjix
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,411,869
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fjix/my_dyslexic_girlfriend_tries_really_hard/
self.jokes
null
but always ends up 96ing me.
My dyslexic girlfriend tries really hard
1
post
30fj86
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,411,728
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fj86/bird_brained/
self.jokes
null
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; "Dat''s Dem". The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help. "Yeah, we''ll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere", says Mick, "Put dem in a pepper bag" The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave. They get into Mick''s van and drive until they reach a cliff with a 500ft drop. "Dis looks loike a grand place", says Mick. He then takes the two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his friend drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a loud "Splat!" As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head. "Focket Dat," Paddy says, "dis budgie jumpin'' is too dangerous for me..." A few minutes later, Seamus approaches. He too has been to the pet shop and is carrying the familiar 'pepper bag.' Seamus pulls a parrot out of the bag and Paddy notices that in the other hand Seamus is carrying a gun. "Watch this Paddy" he says, as he launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot''s head off. Seamus continues to plummet until he joins Sean''s mashed remains at the bottom of the cliff. Paddy shakes his head and says, "An oim never troyin'' that parrotshooting oider..." After a few minutes, Danny strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and walks up with his 'pepper bag.' Danny pulls a chicken out of the bag. He puts the chicken above his head, holds its legs and launches himself off the cliff with the same result. Once more Paddy shakes his head. "For me life Danny, first der was Sean wit his budgie jumpin, den Seamus parrotshooting and now you fockin'' hengliding..."
BIRD BRAINED
2
post
30fi4y
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,411,186
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fi4y/what_are_the_similarities_between_a_us_handgun/
self.jokes
null
30 of them are triggered every second
What are the similarities between a US handgun and a Feminist?
0
post
30fho6
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,410,966
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fho6/jesus_walks_into_a_motel/
self.jokes
null
He gives the guy at the counter 3 nails and says, "can you put me up for the night?"
Jesus walks into a motel
3
post
30fhg1
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,410,852
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fhg1/heard_a_strong_rumour_that_clarkson_and_charlie/
self.jokes
null
It's called Second And a Half Gear, and is about test riding Hookers and drugs and punching the shit out of anyone that gets in their way...
Heard a strong rumour that Clarkson and Charlie Sheen are teaming up on a new show.
4
post
30fh8u
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,410,753
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fh8u/blonde_driver/
self.jokes
null
Q: Why did the blonde take a right into the ditch? A: Her blinker was on.
BLONDE DRIVER
0
post
30fh1r
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,410,661
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fh1r/911_jokes/
self.jokes
null
They're just plane wrong.
9/11 jokes...
2
post
30fgw8
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,410,585
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fgw8/guy_gets_really_drunk/
self.jokes
null
Next day at work, his colleague says, "Wow, looks like you had a rough night." "You don't know the half of it. I was blowing chunks all night long." "Hey, it happens to the best of us." "No, you don't understand... Chunks is my dog."
Guy gets really drunk...
2
post
30fgu7
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,410,556
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fgu7/the_story_of_the_old_empty_barn/
self.jokes
null
There was nothing in it.
The Story of the Old, Empty Barn
0
post
30fgip
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,410,405
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fgip/free_beer_for_the_person_who_can_pass_this_test/
self.jokes
null
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar: FREE BEER FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing it. SECOND, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her. Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and they get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
Free beer for the person who can pass this test!
243
post
30fgia
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,410,402
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fgia/how_did_god_get_mary_pregnant/
self.jokes
null
He used the holy immaculate contraception
How did God get Mary pregnant?
0
post
30ffi4
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,409,948
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ffi4/life_is_like_a_box_of_condoms/
self.jokes
null
I haven't done anything with mine yet.
Life is like a box of condoms...
1
post
30fexf
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,409,692
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fexf/my_dogs_in_jail/
self.jokes
null
for watching kitty porn
my dogs in jail..
9
post
30femz
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,409,565
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30femz/whats_the_difference_between_a_truckload_of/
self.jokes
null
You can´t unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Whats the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of bowling balls?
9
post
30fe43
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,409,337
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fe43/my_mate_keith_at_it_again/
self.jokes
null
So me and my mates were discussing people in our workplace. I said, "I'm no racist but I hate the Polish. The Polish guy at my works only been there for 6 months and he's just been given a promotion ahead of me." My mate Sid said, "I'm no racist either but I hate the Japanese. Two of them were employed recently and walk around like they own the place, right set of wankers!" Then my mate Keith said, "I'm no racist but I hate the blacks" We both interrupted him and said, "That's racist mate!" and he replied, "No, that's not racist. A racist is a dislike of races and I love the 100 meter hurdles!"
My mate Keith at it again.
0
post
30fdh0
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,409,052
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fdh0/how_do_you_make_obamas_eyes_light_up/
self.jokes
null
Shine a flashlight in his ear.
How do you make Obama's eyes light up?
1
post
30fd72
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,408,932
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fd72/whats_better_than_winning_the_special_olympics/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
What's better than winning the Special Olympics?
1
post
30fc82
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,408,491
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fc82/they_say_1_in_3_people_are_unfaithful_to_their/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
They say 1 in 3 people are unfaithful to their partner.
5
post
30fc74
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,408,479
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fc74/a_man_sees_his_wife_taking_a/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
A man sees his wife taking a......
12
post
30fb7w
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,408,035
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fb7w/superman_was_flying_around_metropolisslightly_nsfw/
self.jokes
null
Superman was flying around Metropolis one day using his Supervision to stop wrongdoers. As he is flying by the beach he spies Wonder Woman sunbathing face down, completely naked. So he thinks to himself, "I'll never get another chance like this I've always wanted to Superbone her so here's what I'll do: I'll fly down there, give her some Supersauce faster than a speeding bullet, and be out of there before she knows what happened." So he proceeds to fly down to the beach, fulfills a lifelong dream, and is out of there faster than a speeding bullet. Wonder Woman immediately sits up and says, "What the fuck was that?" And the Invisible Man says, "I don't know, but it hurt like hell."
Superman was flying around Metropolis...[slightly NSFW]
126
post
30fb0s
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,407,955
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fb0s/a_dog_walks_into_a_bar/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
A dog walks into a bar..
0
post
30fa9y
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,407,634
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30fa9y/a_muslim_girl_dmed_me_on_twitter/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
A Muslim girl DM'ed me on Twitter
0
post
30f9ub
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,407,452
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f9ub/have_you_heard_about_the_new_breed_of_dog_that_is/
self.jokes
null
It's called the Meth Lab.
Have you heard about the new breed of dog that is gaining popularity?
0
post
30f9rp
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,407,421
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f9rp/what_do_10_out_of_people_enjoy/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
What do 10 out of people enjoy?
0
post
30f9m7
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,407,351
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f9m7/do_you_know_how_fast_you_have_been_driving/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
Do you know how fast you have been driving?!"
0
post
30f99a
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,407,206
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f99a/how_many_feminists_does_it_take_to_change_a_light/
self.jokes
null
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
24
post
30f8r8
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,406,982
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f8r8/what_game_did_the_rabbi_play_with_the_baby/
self.jokes
null
PeekaJew
What game did the Rabbi play with the Baby?
1
post
30f7qn
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,406,554
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f7qn/and_the_lord_said_come_forth_and_receive_eternal/
self.jokes
null
John came fifth and received a brand new toaster
And the LORD said " Come forth and receive eternal life"
2
post
30f7hb
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,406,449
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f7hb/what_is_the_worst_part_about_going_to_auschwitz/
self.jokes
null
Your dreams are not the only thing going up in smokes.
What is the worst part about going to Auschwitz?
0
post
30f6tc
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,406,162
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f6tc/what_did_the_cat_say_to_the_correctional_officer/
self.jokes
null
Let MEOWWWWWOUT!!
What did the cat say to the correctional officer?
0
post
30f6rd
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,406,140
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f6rd/what_did_the_grave_robber_say_to_his_gym_buddy_in/
self.jokes
null
I'm gonna get some head tonight.
What did the grave robber say to his gym buddy in the locker room?
0
post
30f5v6
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,405,729
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f5v6/did_you_hear_about_the_pedophile_musician/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
Did you hear about the pedophile musician?
15
post
30f545
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,405,426
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f545/having_sex_with_a_condom_on_is_like_picking_up/
self.jokes
null
You can't feel shit.
Having sex with a condom on is like picking up dog shit with a plastic bag.
0
post
30f4ta
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,405,297
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f4ta/whats_worse_than_being_raped_by_your_dads_penis/
self.jokes
null
Also being forced to fill his Viagra prescription.
What's worse than being raped by your dad's penis?
0
post
30f4mr
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,405,221
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f4mr/went_out_shopping_with_a_friend_yesterday_and_she/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
Went out shopping with a friend yesterday and she got a ladder in her tights.
0
post
30f4jg
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,405,182
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f4jg/ever_heard_of_jenkem_its_the_shit/
self.jokes
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f4jg/ever_heard_of_jenkem_its_the_shit/
null
Ever heard of jenkem? It's the shit!
0
post
30f46t
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,405,031
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f46t/wheres_the_best_place_to_hide_during_a_zombie/
self.jokes
null
Radio Shack. Not even the brain dead would go there.
Where's the best place to hide during a zombie apocalypse?
0
post
30f3zw
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,404,943
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f3zw/where_do_you_find_a_quadriplegic/
self.jokes
null
There where you left him.
Where do you find a quadriplegic?
2
post
30f3ua
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,404,878
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f3ua/dont_you_just_hate_it_when_you_are_thinking_and/
self.jokes
null
You lose the game?
Don't you just hate it when you are thinking, and....
0
post
30f3oa
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,404,821
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f3oa/why_do_scottish_men_wear_kilts/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
2
post
30f3j3
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,404,761
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f3j3/my_dentist_just_came_out_of_the_closet/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
My dentist just came out of the closet
0
post
30f2fp
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,404,304
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f2fp/a_friend_asked_me_for_a_coloured_pen/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
A friend asked me for a coloured pen...
4
post
30f207
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,404,111
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f207/if_black_boxes_survive_plane_crashes_why_dont/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
If black boxes survive plane crashes, why don't they make the planes out of them?
0
post
30f1re
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,404,007
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f1re/there_were_these_two_guys_having_lunch/
self.jokes
null
There were these two guys having lunch one day when the first guy says to the second one, "You ever say one thing to someone when you meant to say something else?" "How do you mean?" says the second one. "Well last week I was at the airport and I wanted to go to Pittsburgh and the women at the counter had these enormous breasts so instead of asking for two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Tittsburgh." "I know what you mean.", says the second guy. "Just this morning I was having breakfast with my wife and I meant to ask her to pass the salt but instead I said 'You fucking bitch! You've ruined my life.'"
There were these two guys having lunch ...
4
post
30f1hv
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,403,902
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f1hv/i_was_browsing_for_new_jokes/
self.jokes
null
And then I unzipped my pants and had sex with your mother
I was browsing for new jokes
0
post
30f19t
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,403,813
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f19t/what_do_you_call_a_gay_jew/
self.jokes
null
A he-blew.
What do you call a gay Jew?
0
post
30f0yf
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,403,685
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f0yf/i_know_its_illegal_for_me_to_cook_my_own_alcohol/
self.jokes
null
But still.
I know it's illegal for me to cook my own alcohol...
245
post
30f0nu
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,403,559
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f0nu/what_did_the_black_jew_say_to_the_nonbelievers/
self.jokes
null
We Israel..
What did the black Jew say to the non-believers?
0
post
30f0az
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,403,410
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30f0az/my_wife_left_me_after_repeatedly_spending_our/
self.jokes
null
She couldn't take it any longer.
My wife left me after repeatedly spending our entire life savings on penis enlargement surgery....
3
post
30ezu6
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,403,222
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ezu6/where_do_4_gay_guys_go/
self.jokes
null
One Direction
Where do 4 gay guys go?
2
post
30ezt6
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,403,206
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ezt6/a_nurse_reaches_into_her_pocket_and_finds_a/
self.jokes
null
"Ugh, some asshole has my pen", she thought.
A nurse reaches into her pocket and finds a rectal thermometer...
343
post
30ezno
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,403,147
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ezno/what_did_the_farmer_say_when_he_lost_his_tractor/
self.jokes
null
Where's my tractor? 8)
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
0
post
30ezfj
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,403,056
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ezfj/i_have_an_epipen/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
I have an EpiPen!
5
post
30ez9a
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,402,980
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ez9a/happy_easter_jesus/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
Happy easter Jesus!
0
post
30ez61
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,402,931
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ez61/what_do_you_call_a_naked_black_man/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
What do you call a naked black man?
0
post
30eyb0
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,402,571
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30eyb0/15_condoms_please/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
15 condoms please
1
post
30ey3l
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,402,498
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ey3l/say_what_you_will_about_that_pilot/
self.jokes
null
...but at least he died doing what German's love most. Mass murdering innocent people.
Say what you will about that pilot...
2
post
30ey0h
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,402,465
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ey0h/das_deutsch_knock_knock_joke/
self.jokes
null
German pilots are bad at knock knock jokes. Knock, knock. *silence* Knock, knock. *CRASH* Too soon?
Das Deutsch knock knock joke
0
post
30ext9
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,402,377
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ext9/ouch/
self.jokes
null
I was wondering why the baseball looked like it was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Ouch.
0
post
30exi9
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,402,240
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30exi9/not_so_funny_after_all/
self.jokes
null
Little Jimmy came home from school one day and walked into his parents bedroom, where he saw his mom and dad going at it. Without his mother seeing, Jimmy's dad gave his son a thumbs up and kept on going. The next day Jimmy's father comes home from work and walks into his son's room to see what he was up to. When he walked in he saw Jimmy had his grandmother tied to the bed and was doing unimaginable things to her..His father yelled "JIMMY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Jimmy replied....."It's not so funny when its YOUR mom, huh?
Not so funny after all.
11
post
30ex68
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,402,093
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ex68/what_an_upset_manly_clock_with_boobs_says_to/
self.jokes
null
You man nipple lated me
What an upset manly clock with boobs says to another manly clock with boobs who doesn't arrives in time for their homossexual dating?
0
post
30ew3c
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,401,658
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ew3c/a_young_man_buying_condoms/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
A young man buying condoms
4
post
30evup
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,401,551
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30evup/german_for_virgin/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
German for virgin
1
post
30evrm
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,401,518
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30evrm/my_parents_always_said_i_was_artistic/
self.jokes
null
They were very modest, so they only ever whispered it to each other.
My parents always said I was artistic.
11
post
30evls
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,401,453
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30evls/i_got_voted_down/
self.jokes
null
So I unzipped my pants and had sex with your mother.
I got voted down
0
post
30eval
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,401,317
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30eval/why_do_java_programmers_need_glasses/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
Why do Java programmers need glasses?
568
post
30ev8j
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,401,294
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ev8j/what_do_you_call_a_painter_with_a_mental/
self.jokes
null
An autist.
What do you call a painter with a mental disability?
3
post
30ev33
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,401,238
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ev33/little_johnnys_daddy_is_a_bookie/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
Little Johnny's Daddy is a bookie.
0
post
30euh4
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,400,994
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30euh4/what_do_you_call_a_flying_jew/
self.jokes
null
Smoke
What do you call a flying Jew?
0
post
30eu79
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,400,885
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30eu79/how_do_you_attenuate_an_ocelot/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
How do you attenuate an ocelot?
0
post
30etyy
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,400,790
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30etyy/why_is_the_white_girl_so_odd/
self.jokes
null
Because she can't even. I'll be over in /r/dadjokes if you need me.
Why is the white girl so odd?
0
post
30etjh
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,400,604
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30etjh/courtesy_of_my_econ_professor/
self.jokes
null
Two men decide to go fishing on a Saturday. They rent equipment, take off early in the morning and enjoy a relaxing day out on the water. Unfortunately, they only catch one fish apiece. On the ride home, they share their disappointment. The first man says, "You know, with all the money we spent, these fish cost us about $500 each." The second man says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch anymore."
Courtesy of my ECON professor
19
post
30eskq
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,400,221
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30eskq/my_butt_buddy_al_is_gone/
self.jokes
null
Anal beads back in a few minutes.
My butt buddy Al is gone...
0
post
30erpl
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,399,874
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30erpl/one_direction_should_be_renamed_08_direction/
self.jokes
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30erpl/one_direction_should_be_renamed_08_direction/
null
One direction should be renamed 0.8 Direction
0
post
30eqst
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,399,491
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30eqst/confucius_say/
self.jokes
null
man who farts in church sit in pew.
Confucius say
0
post
30eqnx
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,399,433
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30eqnx/i_thought_i_saw_the_guy_who_sings_happy_on_the/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
I thought I saw the guy who sings 'Happy' on the street
0
post
30eq9f
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,399,266
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30eq9f/a_genius_artist_develops_a_lisp/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
A genius artist develops a lisp
1
post
30epgz
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,398,943
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30epgz/what_do_obama_and_armpit_hair_removal_have_in/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
What do Obama and armpit hair removal have in common?
0
post
30epgj
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,398,940
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30epgj/i_have_a_rude_joke_about_canadians/
self.jokes
null
Sorry?
I have a rude joke about Canadians!
2
post
30eo1h
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,398,363
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30eo1h/can_you_imagine_a_conversation_with_an_atheist/
self.jokes
null
Neither can i...
Can you imagine a conversation with an atheist, feminist, crossfiting, vegan redditor?
0
post
30emcz
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,397,664
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30emcz/a_man_received_the_following_text_from_his/
self.jokes
null
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
A man received the following text from his neighbour....
21
post
30em74
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,397,594
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30em74/bad_lawyer/
self.jokes
null
Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad? A: Senator.
BAD LAWYER
3
post
30elxm
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,397,489
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30elxm/a_man_and_a_girl_are_having_sex/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
A man and a girl are having sex.
0
post
30ekld
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,396,927
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ekld/did_you_hear_about_the_fedex_lady_who_had_a_baby/
self.jokes
null
Supposedly she had to rush the delivery!
Did you hear about the FedEx lady who had a baby? (DAD JOKE)
2
post
30ekhl
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,396,885
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ekhl/with_zyan_malik_leaving_1d/
self.jokes
null
*zyan malik or whatever leaves 1d. *Kayne West gets in. *kicks everyone out of the band. *there's room for only 1 direction homie. *it's West.
With Zyan Malik leaving 1D..
0
post
30ekft
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,396,863
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ekft/why_did_the_exterminator_go_to_italy/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
Why did the exterminator go to Italy?
1
post
30ek9i
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,396,794
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ek9i/what_did_arnold_schwarzenegger_say_when_invited/
self.jokes
null
I'll be Bach
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when invited to the musician themed costume party?
0
post
30ek3q
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,396,721
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ek3q/the_moth_joke/
self.jokes
null
So a moth goes into a podiatrists office. "Come in," says the podiatrist, "What's the problem?" The moth drops down into the nearest chair and says "What's the problem? I don't even know where to start. First of all, my boss is a vicious tyrant who gets off on the petty torments he puts me through day in and day out, and I'm too spineless to stand up to him, so I just take it and I've gradually come to hate myself for it. Also, every morning I wake up to the same prune-face old crone to whom I pledged my vows so many years ago. I used to love her, but that love has become like some sun-festering beached whale trying to die. We lost our daughter last year to one of the bitterest, coldest winters we've ever had to face in this region. Isn't it funny, doc, how all the prayer circles and charity drives in the world amount to pretty much nothing in the face of that cold, impartial face of winter, that bleak, pounding, harsh fist of a callous environment, carrying on with its machinations without regard to our lives, loves, hopes and dreams? Isn't that hysterical, Doc? Oh and then there's my son. Doc, I don't love him anymore. I don't know what it is but I look in his eyes and I see that same harried look of gutless cowardice that I see when I stare at my own face in the mirror. If I wasn't such a coward, Doc, I know I'd be able to scrape together enough pride to grab that cocked and loaded shotgun I keep by the bedside table, and just run amok and put an end to this grim facade once and for all. I start with the wife, then the boy of course before putting the barrell in my own mouth. Believe you me, Doc, I'd be doing the world a favor. I have nothing to look forward to but a continuation of this spiraling black hole that is my life, this existential cesspool that is the perpetuation of my lingering skid-mark on society. I despise people yet I crave their approval. I'm judgemental yet I care about nothing. I'm bitter, hateful and afraid. I'm alive yet I feel like the walking dead. This is it, Doc: I am a living, breathing, disease." The doctor stares at him for a while then finally says "Jeez, Moth, you definitely have some problems. But I'm a podiatrist. You need a psychiatrist. Why'd you come in here?" The moth says,"Your light was on."
The Moth Joke
87
post
30ejwp
2qh72
jokes
false
1,427,396,646
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ejwp/why_did_the_pig_go_to_the_fridge/
self.jokes
null
[deleted]
Why did the pig go to the fridge?
2