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###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentGet ya a snack cause this is gonna be a LONG story.
I started dating this guy for a few months back in the Spring. We fell in love quickly and he moved in with me. We both have our own past relationship traumas, toxic behaviors, insecurities, trust issues, etc. I'm very closed off due to these reasons therefore it has taken me longer to open up than it has him.. which resulted in a lot of overthinking on his part. From the start, the phones have been an issue. I will admit I started the first fight over him acting sketchy over his phone. First things first, he completely swiped his phone before he came over. I mean, everything. He explained his reasoning as he was being respectful to me by not having any past messages for me to get upset over. Ok, understood. However, he kept changing his PIN to his phone. He told it to me one day so that I could use his cause mine was dead. A few days later, the PIN was changed. Is that not shady in your eyes? Maybe I just let my mind wander and be triggered due to being cheated on by an ex. So, I let that go. Next, we had had a few drinks one night and apparently I had too many. I hadn't drank in a long time and I definitely overdone it. He says I flipped out and was very angry, accusing him of cheating and said a lot of hurtful things to him. I don't remember this at all but I apologized profusely and tried to make it up to him for several days afterward. Fast forward a few weeks later, he's been drinking... and it is his turn to explode. He calls me every name in the book. I just took it as I knew I did deserve it. Fast forward another week, he takes it a step farther and will not allow me to have any alone time whatsoever. I can't even go to the bathroom in peace. I was laying in bed, crying.. And he jerked the blanket away and flipped the lights on and demanded I get up. I didn't. So he proceeded to take all of my clothes off the rack and throw them on top of me. I begged him to stop and leave me alone. He would go away for a minute then come right back. I made the mistake of messaging my brother, just to vent, get some advice... As he does the same to me. However, he was very upset and came over and made my boyfriend leave via police. We broke up for about a month. We still talked every day. He begged me every single day to take him back. I eventually gave in. He didn't technically move back in but he stayed with me majority of the time. He had been back a couple months now and everything was fine... Until his birthday rolled around and he wanted to drink. I was skeptical at first as he had really made some great progress since he had decided to quit... But wanted him to enjoy his day. His birthday turned into a week long binge that was pure torture. It was like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde moment. I swear several times I seen the devil in his eyes. He practically held me hostage in my own apt for 3 days. I wasn't allowed to go outside or visit my dad who lives right next door. He would scream crazy outbursts like I was beating him, would throw himself up against the door so neighbors would hear. He grabbed knives and put them in my hands saying I just want your finger prints all over these incase something happens to me. He slapped himself over and over in the face saying I was doing it, to call the law. He even took my hands once and punched himself in the face. He had scratches on his face from my nails trying to just get away from him. I begged for him to stop. He would take a drink of beer and spew it in my face. He would call me various names, say I was mocking him for being abused as a child.. When that is something I NEVER would have done. He broke my couch by sitting down too hard, then got up and done it again so it would break down completely. He wouldn't allow me to have access to my phone, said he didn't trust me. I needed to use the bathroom and was gonna take it in there with me to watch Tik Tok videos. He wouldn't let me so I gently tossed it on the bed, it landed on the pillow. I came out and my phone was gone. I searched the bedroom up and down. He said he didn't know where it was. I eventually found it hidden behind the cushions on the couch next to where he sits. The screen protector was off. It was wet, inside the case was wet and the screen was black. It looked like he had punched it and put it under faucet. He still to this day denies touching it. Hw busted TWO of his phones. First he busted after he did mine, he slammed it on ground and asked if I was happy now. Hw got a cheap phone the next day.. The nexr day after he had been drinking he busted it too, for no reason.. Just tossed it up in air and busted it. He would scream that I was talking badly about his mom, that i threatened to kill her and she was in diapers and used a walker. I never did any of that. I literally sat and tried to focus on playing cards with him, as that is what he always wanted to do. I had to sit and play Rummy and UNO with him for 8 hours, while he drank and done and said crazy things. He would flip me off right in my face, finger to my nose. He would throw his hands out like he was going to hit me in the face, then get mad when I flinched. There is just so much... I'm probably forgetting things. When he would wake up, it was like nothing ever happened. He would try to hug up and love on me and talk to me sweetly. Then he would drink, and it was like a monster was awoken. He blamed me for it all... That I started this and that he couldn't trust me is reason he acted this way. I had to literally escape from my own apt to get away from him and my Dad called the police to escort him out. I filed an EPO... That has still not been served. We work at the same hospital. He still talks to me every day, wants to take breaks, wants to come over. Says he will never drink again. I love him but I am so scared. What if next time is worse? What if he truly hurts me? What do I do? I know my mind is saying run far away but my heart loves him for who he is when he's not drinking. How can I believe him? I just really need some advice. Thanks for listening!!! ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentGet ya a snack cause this is gonna be a LONG story.
I started dating this guy for a few months back in the Spring. We fell in love quickly and he moved in with me. We both have our own past relationship traumas, toxic behaviors, insecurities, trust issues, etc. I'm very closed off due to these reasons therefore it has taken me longer to open up than it has him.. which resulted in a lot of overthinking on his part. From the start, the phones have been an issue. I will admit I started the first fight over him acting sketchy over his phone. First things first, he completely swiped his phone before he came over. I mean, everything. He explained his reasoning as he was being respectful to me by not having any past messages for me to get upset over. Ok, understood. However, he kept changing his PIN to his phone. He told it to me one day so that I could use his cause mine was dead. A few days later, the PIN was changed. Is that not shady in your eyes? Maybe I just let my mind wander and be triggered due to being cheated on by an ex. So, I let that go. Next, we had had a few drinks one night and apparently I had too many. I hadn't drank in a long time and I definitely overdone it. He says I flipped out and was very angry, accusing him of cheating and said a lot of hurtful things to him. I don't remember this at all but I apologized profusely and tried to make it up to him for several days afterward. Fast forward a few weeks later, he's been drinking... and it is his turn to explode. He calls me every name in the book. I just took it as I knew I did deserve it. Fast forward another week, he takes it a step farther and will not allow me to have any alone time whatsoever. I can't even go to the bathroom in peace. I was laying in bed, crying.. And he jerked the blanket away and flipped the lights on and demanded I get up. I didn't. So he proceeded to take all of my clothes off the rack and throw them on top of me. I begged him to stop and leave me alone. He would go away for a minute then come right back. I made the mistake of messaging my brother, just to vent, get some advice... As he does the same to me. However, he was very upset and came over and made my boyfriend leave via police. We broke up for about a month. We still talked every day. He begged me every single day to take him back. I eventually gave in. He didn't technically move back in but he stayed with me majority of the time. He had been back a couple months now and everything was fine... Until his birthday rolled around and he wanted to drink. I was skeptical at first as he had really made some great progress since he had decided to quit... But wanted him to enjoy his day. His birthday turned into a week long binge that was pure torture. It was like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde moment. I swear several times I seen the devil in his eyes. He practically held me hostage in my own apt for 3 days. I wasn't allowed to go outside or visit my dad who lives right next door. He would scream crazy outbursts like I was beating him, would throw himself up against the door so neighbors would hear. He grabbed knives and put them in my hands saying I just want your finger prints all over these incase something happens to me. He slapped himself over and over in the face saying I was doing it, to call the law. He even took my hands once and punched himself in the face. He had scratches on his face from my nails trying to just get away from him. I begged for him to stop. He would take a drink of beer and spew it in my face. He would call me various names, say I was mocking him for being abused as a child.. When that is something I NEVER would have done. He broke my couch by sitting down too hard, then got up and done it again so it would break down completely. He wouldn't allow me to have access to my phone, said he didn't trust me. I needed to use the bathroom and was gonna take it in there with me to watch Tik Tok videos. He wouldn't let me so I gently tossed it on the bed, it landed on the pillow. I came out and my phone was gone. I searched the bedroom up and down. He said he didn't know where it was. I eventually found it hidden behind the cushions on the couch next to where he sits. The screen protector was off. It was wet, inside the case was wet and the screen was black. It looked like he had punched it and put it under faucet. He still to this day denies touching it. Hw busted TWO of his phones. First he busted after he did mine, he slammed it on ground and asked if I was happy now. Hw got a cheap phone the next day.. The nexr day after he had been drinking he busted it too, for no reason.. Just tossed it up in air and busted it. He would scream that I was talking badly about his mom, that i threatened to kill her and she was in diapers and used a walker. I never did any of that. I literally sat and tried to focus on playing cards with him, as that is what he always wanted to do. I had to sit and play Rummy and UNO with him for 8 hours, while he drank and done and said crazy things. He would flip me off right in my face, finger to my nose. He would throw his hands out like he was going to hit me in the face, then get mad when I flinched. There is just so much... I'm probably forgetting things. When he would wake up, it was like nothing ever happened. He would try to hug up and love on me and talk to me sweetly. Then he would drink, and it was like a monster was awoken. He blamed me for it all... That I started this and that he couldn't trust me is reason he acted this way. I had to literally escape from my own apt to get away from him and my Dad called the police to escort him out. I filed an EPO... That has still not been served. We work at the same hospital. He still talks to me every day, wants to take breaks, wants to come over. Says he will never drink again. I love him but I am so scared. What if next time is worse? What if he truly hurts me? What do I do? I know my mind is saying run far away but my heart loves him for who he is when he's not drinking. How can I believe him? I just really need some advice. Thanks for listening!!! [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHe only laid hands on me, once, and I've never been sure whether he intended to shove me or not. I feel like he was one of those who thought of himself as a good guy and had walled off physical abuse as a thing he wouldn't do. But at the same time? The psychological abuse (at least the majority) was so very deliberate, in retrospect.
He immediately apologized profusely, said he was suicidal and said he needed to go to the hospital. So I took him. Mid-move, with my back thrown out. I had to tell him he'd shoved me. I was one reflex from cracking my head open, with how I came down. It could have been really bad and he either genuinely didn't notice shoving me or was expecting me to take it without objection.
I wonder if he knew he was abusing me. He DARVO'ed tf out of me, told me I was abusing him, then took it back because I went into full-on mouse mode.
Today, I had a package returned from the USPS, for my business. I came completely unglued. My memory is fragmented af where my ex is concerned, but for some reason I have a blip of him coming in with the mail, looking angry. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHe only laid hands on me, once, and I've never been sure whether he intended to shove me or not. I feel like he was one of those who thought of himself as a good guy and had walled off physical abuse as a thing he wouldn't do. But at the same time? The psychological abuse (at least the majority) was so very deliberate, in retrospect.
He immediately apologized profusely, said he was suicidal and said he needed to go to the hospital. So I took him. Mid-move, with my back thrown out. I had to tell him he'd shoved me. I was one reflex from cracking my head open, with how I came down. It could have been really bad and he either genuinely didn't notice shoving me or was expecting me to take it without objection.
I wonder if he knew he was abusing me. He DARVO'ed tf out of me, told me I was abusing him, then took it back because I went into full-on mouse mode.
Today, I had a package returned from the USPS, for my business. I came completely unglued. My memory is fragmented af where my ex is concerned, but for some reason I have a blip of him coming in with the mail, looking angry. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThank you for providing this space and for reading this post. My mom is an immigrant from China and speaks broken English; she is 57 and has been a homemaker for several decades. My dad controls all aspects of our household's finances, so as far as we know my mom has nothing to her name. No car, no savings. Both my mom and I still live with my dad in Maryland, but I graduated from college last month and just started my first full-time job. From my savings and first paycheck I have $15k in my bank account. My older sister, who lives in England and has been working for five years, will help as well.
So far, this is our escape plan:
1. First we'll set up a secret bank account. My sister and I can ensure that the initial funds meet the minimum balance to avoid monthly fees, and we'll continue to contribute to the account every month. We're not sure if it's better to create the account in my mom's name or in mine.
2. We'll also secretly gather all my mom's and my legal documents: passports, Social Security cards, etc.
3. At some point we'll have to pack basic belongings without attracting my Dad's attention, and we can probably move into an Airbnb on relatively short notice.
What worries me is that my Dad has my checking account password, my savings account password, my card details, and my Social Security Number. He periodically withdraws money from my account, and I've always let him since I was afraid he'd get violent. I worry that even if I change all my passwords and take my legal documents when we go, he could still hurt us financially if not physically. How do I ensure that he can't track us down and can't access our accounts? ###Assistant:Safety planning | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThank you for providing this space and for reading this post. My mom is an immigrant from China and speaks broken English; she is 57 and has been a homemaker for several decades. My dad controls all aspects of our household's finances, so as far as we know my mom has nothing to her name. No car, no savings. Both my mom and I still live with my dad in Maryland, but I graduated from college last month and just started my first full-time job. From my savings and first paycheck I have $15k in my bank account. My older sister, who lives in England and has been working for five years, will help as well.
So far, this is our escape plan:
1. First we'll set up a secret bank account. My sister and I can ensure that the initial funds meet the minimum balance to avoid monthly fees, and we'll continue to contribute to the account every month. We're not sure if it's better to create the account in my mom's name or in mine.
2. We'll also secretly gather all my mom's and my legal documents: passports, Social Security cards, etc.
3. At some point we'll have to pack basic belongings without attracting my Dad's attention, and we can probably move into an Airbnb on relatively short notice.
What worries me is that my Dad has my checking account password, my savings account password, my card details, and my Social Security Number. He periodically withdraws money from my account, and I've always let him since I was afraid he'd get violent. I worry that even if I change all my passwords and take my legal documents when we go, he could still hurt us financially if not physically. How do I ensure that he can't track us down and can't access our accounts? [/INST] Safety planning </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s been a year since I escaped my “abusive” relationship. (I still don’t even feel comfortable calling it that)
He is truly a genuine, kind, loving person. I admire him so much. Everyone else also enjoys how chill, respectful, and laidback he is. 95% of the time, we made incredible, amazing memories.
But during that other 5%, he would blow up out of frustration at my aggressive anxiety and panic attacks (he’s very familiar with my mental illnesses). He ripped apart a special painting I had commissioned of our fur babies; he ripped out electrical wires that supplied my electricity; he threw away all of my stuff stored at his place and threatened to tow my car; he smashed a box of blueberries into the ground, knowing they are my favorite fruit.
He’d do this while loudly, violently insulting me too. There was a lot of screaming, from both me and him. A lot of me crying, begging him to stop, and him fuming in rage ceaselessly.
Now, how do I explain all this to people without completely demonizing him? When spoken of altogether, his anger outbursts do seem horrible. But I know that he is more than just his anger and violence. He is someone who’s done so much for me, helped me survive. I don’t want anyone to burn their bridges with him; I still only want the best for him. Plus, I know I had toxic behaviors too! I don’t want to discount that!
I want to tell people the truth of why we broke up without going into all the above detail. How do I talk about this without turning people against him? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s been a year since I escaped my “abusive” relationship. (I still don’t even feel comfortable calling it that)
He is truly a genuine, kind, loving person. I admire him so much. Everyone else also enjoys how chill, respectful, and laidback he is. 95% of the time, we made incredible, amazing memories.
But during that other 5%, he would blow up out of frustration at my aggressive anxiety and panic attacks (he’s very familiar with my mental illnesses). He ripped apart a special painting I had commissioned of our fur babies; he ripped out electrical wires that supplied my electricity; he threw away all of my stuff stored at his place and threatened to tow my car; he smashed a box of blueberries into the ground, knowing they are my favorite fruit.
He’d do this while loudly, violently insulting me too. There was a lot of screaming, from both me and him. A lot of me crying, begging him to stop, and him fuming in rage ceaselessly.
Now, how do I explain all this to people without completely demonizing him? When spoken of altogether, his anger outbursts do seem horrible. But I know that he is more than just his anger and violence. He is someone who’s done so much for me, helped me survive. I don’t want anyone to burn their bridges with him; I still only want the best for him. Plus, I know I had toxic behaviors too! I don’t want to discount that!
I want to tell people the truth of why we broke up without going into all the above detail. How do I talk about this without turning people against him? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI know the relationship sucked. But I miss the good parts, and the feeling of being that close to someone. So badly. I know he was a master of manipulation, but it felt like he knew me so well. We had similar taste in everything and he knew how to make me happy or how to make me feel so loved (when he wanted). I'm over him, believe me, but God do I miss the good relationship feelings. It's been so long since I felt love and passion for someone.
I've been with my new boyfriend for one year. And he's great! He treats me well, we get along well... but we aren't super passionate. We don't have all the same interests, not always this insane connection (though I know that's an unrealistic expectation in a healthy relationship). I do not feel in love with him, and I feel like it's because that part of my brain has been fried. I've given it time, hoping it will grow. But it's like I hit a wall. Normally I'd think it's me just not that into him type of situation. I have every reason to love this guy and swoon over him, but I just don't. I'm happy in my relationship, but I feel like I'm not as happy as I could be.. as if undying, passionate, take a bullet for you type love will never happen for me again.
Anyone else experience similar? Does it get better? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI know the relationship sucked. But I miss the good parts, and the feeling of being that close to someone. So badly. I know he was a master of manipulation, but it felt like he knew me so well. We had similar taste in everything and he knew how to make me happy or how to make me feel so loved (when he wanted). I'm over him, believe me, but God do I miss the good relationship feelings. It's been so long since I felt love and passion for someone.
I've been with my new boyfriend for one year. And he's great! He treats me well, we get along well... but we aren't super passionate. We don't have all the same interests, not always this insane connection (though I know that's an unrealistic expectation in a healthy relationship). I do not feel in love with him, and I feel like it's because that part of my brain has been fried. I've given it time, hoping it will grow. But it's like I hit a wall. Normally I'd think it's me just not that into him type of situation. I have every reason to love this guy and swoon over him, but I just don't. I'm happy in my relationship, but I feel like I'm not as happy as I could be.. as if undying, passionate, take a bullet for you type love will never happen for me again.
Anyone else experience similar? Does it get better? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI read so many times that "you can't stop abuse by changing your behavior." But in my case, my partner *only* gets verbally abusive and physically threatening if I do things he doesn't like (and says are "abusive"). If I just don't do those things, everything is genuinely smooth, peaceful and amicable on the surface. He doesn't randomly build up to things or get triggered by anything other than me. Given that, it is very hard for me not to think it is all my fault and he is just reacting defensively to stuff I am doing.
Anyone else have a situation like this?
I should add I never feel safe or supported during these "good" phases, because I am only behaving in an approved fashion because either 1-I am avoiding "provoking" his responses, or 2-I am just so emotionally burned out that I am disconnected and not engaging. This makes me think that technically a coercive framework is always "active," even when things look peaceful, and this is really what people mean when they say you "can't stop the abuse?" ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI read so many times that "you can't stop abuse by changing your behavior." But in my case, my partner *only* gets verbally abusive and physically threatening if I do things he doesn't like (and says are "abusive"). If I just don't do those things, everything is genuinely smooth, peaceful and amicable on the surface. He doesn't randomly build up to things or get triggered by anything other than me. Given that, it is very hard for me not to think it is all my fault and he is just reacting defensively to stuff I am doing.
Anyone else have a situation like this?
I should add I never feel safe or supported during these "good" phases, because I am only behaving in an approved fashion because either 1-I am avoiding "provoking" his responses, or 2-I am just so emotionally burned out that I am disconnected and not engaging. This makes me think that technically a coercive framework is always "active," even when things look peaceful, and this is really what people mean when they say you "can't stop the abuse?" [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentYesterday I left and today I am feeling very sad, devastated even. I know this is normal, I know that this is the hardest part but god does it suck doing the right thing sometimes. This is one of the hardest things i’ve had to do, because I never fell out of love with this person, I still love them so much but I had to realize that no matter how much or how hard I love them, they will not change and the abuse will be my future forever if I didn’t leave. I wish I didn’t want to crawl back in his arms but they’re the only ones that could console me right now, I won’t go back but it really sucks that I want to. Looking for some support, i’m having a really hard time with this breakup as I think I trauma bonded with him, I met him a few months after my mother passed, he’s all i’ve known since then, and now I just feel devastated and mad at the world, mad at him, why couldn’t he just treat me like a decent human? None of this had to happen, but he’s given me no choice but to leave, I won’t repeat my family cycles, I come from a traumatic childhood, I have repeatedly dated men who treat me just like my step father treated me my whole childhood, I know more now than I did when I first got sucked into this cycle, and now he’s gone from doing anything to reach out to me to being silent, because he knows it will cause my anxiety to stir and that I will yearn for him to reach out, it’s sick that I want him to reach out because it feels like some kind of connection, literally anything to make me feel better, but I will be strong and not do what i’ve done in the past which is reach out to him when he’s stopped reaching out to me, I feel so sad, I know if I can get past this month that I will be okay but god it sucks to even have to do this, I just wanted him to love me, I just wanted the bare minimum but he refused so I had no other option but to leave 💔 ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentYesterday I left and today I am feeling very sad, devastated even. I know this is normal, I know that this is the hardest part but god does it suck doing the right thing sometimes. This is one of the hardest things i’ve had to do, because I never fell out of love with this person, I still love them so much but I had to realize that no matter how much or how hard I love them, they will not change and the abuse will be my future forever if I didn’t leave. I wish I didn’t want to crawl back in his arms but they’re the only ones that could console me right now, I won’t go back but it really sucks that I want to. Looking for some support, i’m having a really hard time with this breakup as I think I trauma bonded with him, I met him a few months after my mother passed, he’s all i’ve known since then, and now I just feel devastated and mad at the world, mad at him, why couldn’t he just treat me like a decent human? None of this had to happen, but he’s given me no choice but to leave, I won’t repeat my family cycles, I come from a traumatic childhood, I have repeatedly dated men who treat me just like my step father treated me my whole childhood, I know more now than I did when I first got sucked into this cycle, and now he’s gone from doing anything to reach out to me to being silent, because he knows it will cause my anxiety to stir and that I will yearn for him to reach out, it’s sick that I want him to reach out because it feels like some kind of connection, literally anything to make me feel better, but I will be strong and not do what i’ve done in the past which is reach out to him when he’s stopped reaching out to me, I feel so sad, I know if I can get past this month that I will be okay but god it sucks to even have to do this, I just wanted him to love me, I just wanted the bare minimum but he refused so I had no other option but to leave 💔 [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo recently my son hit me multiple times, leaving me with a big black eye and bruises on my arms and legs. The black eye will take 1-2 weeks to heal but probably not before my sick leave has ended. What do I say to the people at work when they ask about it? ###Assistant:Wound assessment/record | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo recently my son hit me multiple times, leaving me with a big black eye and bruises on my arms and legs. The black eye will take 1-2 weeks to heal but probably not before my sick leave has ended. What do I say to the people at work when they ask about it? [/INST] Wound assessment/record </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo I will admit I am in a mentally and physically abusive relationship. I am an isolated mom of a 2 and 1 year old. Just two nights ago he tried to choke me until I passed out. Then he held me across his lap and punched me in my ribs. (He caught me writing other men on a secret Instagram so that was my fault). The list goes on and on but that’s the most recent incident.
But last night he texted me while I was at work (I’m a stripper) that he wanted to get head as soon as I walked in the door. Of course I was tired and didn’t feel like it but I texted agreeing to it because I didn’t want to make him mad.
Once I get home and start the act I’m clearly not into it. I even run to the bathroom for a little bit to recollect myself so I don’t start crying. Once I get back to doing the act, he tells me that I’m doing a terrible job. When he tells me that I say “Yeah because I don’t wanna keep doing it” and he replies “I know and I don’t give a fuck. Keep going”. It started to seem like he was getting off because I was visibly upset or that’s just what I thought in the moment.
I eventually can’t bring myself to do it anymore. He stands up and says “I’ll remember that” then he goes to the living room to finish himself off. And I go to sleep. I don’t think this is SA but I keep having the feeling like I got assaulted. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo I will admit I am in a mentally and physically abusive relationship. I am an isolated mom of a 2 and 1 year old. Just two nights ago he tried to choke me until I passed out. Then he held me across his lap and punched me in my ribs. (He caught me writing other men on a secret Instagram so that was my fault). The list goes on and on but that’s the most recent incident.
But last night he texted me while I was at work (I’m a stripper) that he wanted to get head as soon as I walked in the door. Of course I was tired and didn’t feel like it but I texted agreeing to it because I didn’t want to make him mad.
Once I get home and start the act I’m clearly not into it. I even run to the bathroom for a little bit to recollect myself so I don’t start crying. Once I get back to doing the act, he tells me that I’m doing a terrible job. When he tells me that I say “Yeah because I don’t wanna keep doing it” and he replies “I know and I don’t give a fuck. Keep going”. It started to seem like he was getting off because I was visibly upset or that’s just what I thought in the moment.
I eventually can’t bring myself to do it anymore. He stands up and says “I’ll remember that” then he goes to the living room to finish himself off. And I go to sleep. I don’t think this is SA but I keep having the feeling like I got assaulted. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt was a long time coming. Devastated doesn’t begin to describe how I feel. I keep trying to think this is best for me and the kids but I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep never have to wake up to the truth of it.
Me and the kids move out February 12th.
That’s all. It sucks. It sucks so hard. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt was a long time coming. Devastated doesn’t begin to describe how I feel. I keep trying to think this is best for me and the kids but I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep never have to wake up to the truth of it.
Me and the kids move out February 12th.
That’s all. It sucks. It sucks so hard. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSurely DV is a greater evil because it usually also involves a complete breakdown of a person psychologically. But it seems so much easier for people to break up when there’s been cheating - like there’s a tangible act of disrespect. There have been numerous incidents of psychical, emotional and physical violence in my relationship but I still haven’t left him. But if he cheated I’d feel totally justified to leave him, and sometimes I wish he would just cheat so I can leave him without feeling so much guilt. It’s funny because I thought once he bruised me I’d walk but I didn’t. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSurely DV is a greater evil because it usually also involves a complete breakdown of a person psychologically. But it seems so much easier for people to break up when there’s been cheating - like there’s a tangible act of disrespect. There have been numerous incidents of psychical, emotional and physical violence in my relationship but I still haven’t left him. But if he cheated I’d feel totally justified to leave him, and sometimes I wish he would just cheat so I can leave him without feeling so much guilt. It’s funny because I thought once he bruised me I’d walk but I didn’t. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy friend is considering leaving her abuser whom she currently lives with. They have a dog together. He technically bought her, but she does most of the dogs care. He's not abusive toward the dog at least currently, but we are concerned he would not properly care for her if he was the only adult left in the house. Besides just being lazy about the dogs care, hes gone for about 14 hours/day for work, so she would be locked up for that whole time. Is there anything we can legally do? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy friend is considering leaving her abuser whom she currently lives with. They have a dog together. He technically bought her, but she does most of the dogs care. He's not abusive toward the dog at least currently, but we are concerned he would not properly care for her if he was the only adult left in the house. Besides just being lazy about the dogs care, hes gone for about 14 hours/day for work, so she would be locked up for that whole time. Is there anything we can legally do? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am no longer involved with my husband and as the CVC (crime victims coordinator) contact states, the case is proceeding through the legal system.
I really don't know what all that entails and at the moment it's not a priority to know for my life.
What I can't seem to figure out is how to get out of the situation that's happened since.
I couldn't afford our place without his income. I've stayed with a family member for a while. Got a job. The place was only temporary so I left to stay with a friend. Got a job. Friend got concerned about covid risk because I was working in retail. Got kicked out. Found another friend I can couch surf for a bit. I am looking for yet another job here in this area.
Each step of the way I have kept the cvc coordinator know how to reach me. I have found the local crises center(s) and asked for help, counciling, etc.
While I appreciate the help along the way being without a place of my own and couch surfing for almost 6 months has honestly taken its toll on me. Plus finding jobs, having to quit jobs, and having to move further from my family just for a place to stay.
So my question is this....how do I recover? Recover as in get together everything needed to get into a Home of *my* own!
All of the advocates I've worked with in 4 different areas now have given me phone numbers (bc of covid offices are closed).
I have no address, therefore can't qualify for snap or anything else. My back seat of my car is my closet and my pictures are in my trunk. My tv and a few more odds and ends are in the back seat of a friend's broke down truck.
My beloved small dog is luckily out of the heat and cold but kenneled more than ever before because it's someone else's house.
Shelters say to call daily and the nearest one that takes my dog is not in our area, gives priority to that county's residents, and said because of the pandemic their waiting list is hardly moving. Then they are just a 30 day shelter and I have to have a place to go after that. (If I haven't been able to get on my feet in 6 months, how does moving yet another time for a 30 day period help me get a place?
Housing authority said the waiting list is about a year long in order for me to use my cvc grant.
I feel hopeless that after six months of doing what I'm told, calling all these resources, leaving my information, etc. I'm no closer to figuring out how to navigate the financial insecurity this has caused in my life.
Am I doing this wrong? ###Assistant:Housing | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am no longer involved with my husband and as the CVC (crime victims coordinator) contact states, the case is proceeding through the legal system.
I really don't know what all that entails and at the moment it's not a priority to know for my life.
What I can't seem to figure out is how to get out of the situation that's happened since.
I couldn't afford our place without his income. I've stayed with a family member for a while. Got a job. The place was only temporary so I left to stay with a friend. Got a job. Friend got concerned about covid risk because I was working in retail. Got kicked out. Found another friend I can couch surf for a bit. I am looking for yet another job here in this area.
Each step of the way I have kept the cvc coordinator know how to reach me. I have found the local crises center(s) and asked for help, counciling, etc.
While I appreciate the help along the way being without a place of my own and couch surfing for almost 6 months has honestly taken its toll on me. Plus finding jobs, having to quit jobs, and having to move further from my family just for a place to stay.
So my question is this....how do I recover? Recover as in get together everything needed to get into a Home of *my* own!
All of the advocates I've worked with in 4 different areas now have given me phone numbers (bc of covid offices are closed).
I have no address, therefore can't qualify for snap or anything else. My back seat of my car is my closet and my pictures are in my trunk. My tv and a few more odds and ends are in the back seat of a friend's broke down truck.
My beloved small dog is luckily out of the heat and cold but kenneled more than ever before because it's someone else's house.
Shelters say to call daily and the nearest one that takes my dog is not in our area, gives priority to that county's residents, and said because of the pandemic their waiting list is hardly moving. Then they are just a 30 day shelter and I have to have a place to go after that. (If I haven't been able to get on my feet in 6 months, how does moving yet another time for a 30 day period help me get a place?
Housing authority said the waiting list is about a year long in order for me to use my cvc grant.
I feel hopeless that after six months of doing what I'm told, calling all these resources, leaving my information, etc. I'm no closer to figuring out how to navigate the financial insecurity this has caused in my life.
Am I doing this wrong? [/INST] Housing </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contenthey everyone. if anyone has had a restraining order hearing over zoom, what was it like? im wondering if i will see him ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contenthey everyone. if anyone has had a restraining order hearing over zoom, what was it like? im wondering if i will see him [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHolidays have always been shitty for me. This year I planned the most beautiful sushi spread and made everything perfect and I couldn’t even eat it. I was too busy crying and being yelled at by the one who tells me he loves me. Apparently doing everything and forgetting one thing means I’m the worst. Apparently trying to fix things means I’m annoying and nagging and dumb. That night I tried to hug him and got shoved to the ground and called a dumb bitch. Hand crushed when I tried to make him see I loved him. Bruises everywhere on my hand my legs on my thighs. Left alone to cry while he slept peacefully. Next day he apologized only to hurt me again. What did I do to “make” him? Cry and feel sad because he hit me. So now I’m told he doesn’t love me or care for me or want me. Im annoying nagging stupid bratty bitch. I have never been scared of a man until now. Being told i wanna kill you and feeling him grab me is the lowest I’ve ever felt. Still I can’t leave. Why? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHolidays have always been shitty for me. This year I planned the most beautiful sushi spread and made everything perfect and I couldn’t even eat it. I was too busy crying and being yelled at by the one who tells me he loves me. Apparently doing everything and forgetting one thing means I’m the worst. Apparently trying to fix things means I’m annoying and nagging and dumb. That night I tried to hug him and got shoved to the ground and called a dumb bitch. Hand crushed when I tried to make him see I loved him. Bruises everywhere on my hand my legs on my thighs. Left alone to cry while he slept peacefully. Next day he apologized only to hurt me again. What did I do to “make” him? Cry and feel sad because he hit me. So now I’m told he doesn’t love me or care for me or want me. Im annoying nagging stupid bratty bitch. I have never been scared of a man until now. Being told i wanna kill you and feeling him grab me is the lowest I’ve ever felt. Still I can’t leave. Why? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband is my abuser and sexually assaulted me. I already had to face him once in court and he looked CRAZED and that was at the order of protection hearing. Now we are getting divorced and I will have to face him idk how many times. I had nightmares about him almost non stop since i got the order and I'm terrified of what will happen when it's over. We have 2 kids together so I cant just cut him off. I feel so weak and like I cant do this. How do I face him in court? ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband is my abuser and sexually assaulted me. I already had to face him once in court and he looked CRAZED and that was at the order of protection hearing. Now we are getting divorced and I will have to face him idk how many times. I had nightmares about him almost non stop since i got the order and I'm terrified of what will happen when it's over. We have 2 kids together so I cant just cut him off. I feel so weak and like I cant do this. How do I face him in court? [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi all,
I'm in the process of getting a therapist for this but I need advice for now and to vent. I was in a relationship for 3 years with this person. We broke up in 2020 but he began to display obsessive stalker behavior all throughout 2021. In January of this year he assaulted me resulting in injuries that I'm still dealing with. For the most part, I feel fine but there are some days where I miss him. Other days, I don't care what happens to him. He's in jail now and I hate to say this but I almost look forward to seeing him in court later this month. It just breaks my heart bc I only ever wanted him to heal from his traumas but everything turned out like this. My heart is also broken for me because despite him almost killing me I know I'm disrespecting myself by feeling like this. I just don't know how to cope. This is all still very fresh and he definitely manipulated and gaslit me but why! do! i! feel! like! this! How can I move on? I literally broke up with him because I fell out of love but since this incident my feelings have been all over. :/ ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi all,
I'm in the process of getting a therapist for this but I need advice for now and to vent. I was in a relationship for 3 years with this person. We broke up in 2020 but he began to display obsessive stalker behavior all throughout 2021. In January of this year he assaulted me resulting in injuries that I'm still dealing with. For the most part, I feel fine but there are some days where I miss him. Other days, I don't care what happens to him. He's in jail now and I hate to say this but I almost look forward to seeing him in court later this month. It just breaks my heart bc I only ever wanted him to heal from his traumas but everything turned out like this. My heart is also broken for me because despite him almost killing me I know I'm disrespecting myself by feeling like this. I just don't know how to cope. This is all still very fresh and he definitely manipulated and gaslit me but why! do! i! feel! like! this! How can I move on? I literally broke up with him because I fell out of love but since this incident my feelings have been all over. :/ [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy sister is getting a divorce from her abuser but he filed first. We only notice because we looked up public records and there it was on the website. However, yesterday he had a family friend serve my sister, and the document is obviously False and they are trying to pass it as her copy. There's no official stamp, its a response to a divorce, not a petition. On the court website it says a petition was filed. I can add pictures but have to edit out personal info. What can we do? I'm going to call the courts on Monday. Isn't this illegal? I believe they think we are stupid enough to accept it and do nothing with it, so he can get full custody of the children.
** Edit
They also had a lot of mistakes like address and Name. ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy sister is getting a divorce from her abuser but he filed first. We only notice because we looked up public records and there it was on the website. However, yesterday he had a family friend serve my sister, and the document is obviously False and they are trying to pass it as her copy. There's no official stamp, its a response to a divorce, not a petition. On the court website it says a petition was filed. I can add pictures but have to edit out personal info. What can we do? I'm going to call the courts on Monday. Isn't this illegal? I believe they think we are stupid enough to accept it and do nothing with it, so he can get full custody of the children.
** Edit
They also had a lot of mistakes like address and Name. [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHe was served a restraining order this morning and was told to leave immediately by the Sheriff. He refused. I then had to call local police to enforce it. He believes because I left the house after he attacked me that I should have to move out. He keeps saying that I’m the one who caused this. He even called the police on me when I told him I was outside the building waiting for them. He is the one violating the restraining order so he is going to jail. But it’s been 3 hours since I called the police and they haven’t shown up. I’m just tired of dealing with this. And I’m embarrassed that my neighbors have to put up with it as well. Ugh, I just needed to vent. ###Assistant:Police | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHe was served a restraining order this morning and was told to leave immediately by the Sheriff. He refused. I then had to call local police to enforce it. He believes because I left the house after he attacked me that I should have to move out. He keeps saying that I’m the one who caused this. He even called the police on me when I told him I was outside the building waiting for them. He is the one violating the restraining order so he is going to jail. But it’s been 3 hours since I called the police and they haven’t shown up. I’m just tired of dealing with this. And I’m embarrassed that my neighbors have to put up with it as well. Ugh, I just needed to vent. [/INST] Police </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
You stare at yourself,
trance-like, in the mirror.
He’s just a man that loves you.
What is so unclear?
You’re just stressed.
Long shifts,
school,
it’s just PMS.
But you feel crazy,
and you don’t know why.
It’s so unbearable,
but you keep up the lies.
You’re not sure what’s wrong, just that no one can know.
You have to look happy.
Put on the show.
Hold his hand, smile, say nothing but hello.
But if you’re around other men,
then you must always look down.
Don’t cause an explosion.
Keep your eyes on the ground.
But he doesn’t hit you.
So everything is fine.
It must be you then.
You’ve lost your mind.
He’s not him.
He’s not the monster from which you already escaped.
He’s not threatening to kill himself.
You haven’t been raped.
He doesn’t hit you.
But he reads all your texts,
goes through your whole phone,
accuses you of cheating, and
blocks every guy you know.
But there’s letters, flowers, candles.
He showers you with love,
puts you up on a pedestal
like you’re something sent from above.
He doesn’t hit you.
He’s funny, he’s charming,
and he’s always right.
Yet you wonder how things would be
if you hadn’t met him that night.
You just need a break,
time to think, and catch your breath.
But he doesn’t agree,
and now you’re scared to death.
So you try to leave,
try to run out the door,
but he gets there first,
and falls to the floor.
Terrified, paralyzed, you’ve forgotten how to breathe.
He’s screaming, shaking, says it’s PTSD….
IT’S YOUR FAULT! YOU FUCKING BITCH!
YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST LEAVE!!?
He says he loves you.
But that YOU’RE destroying HIM.
A cold hearted bitch
is how he says you’ve been.
But you do everything for him.
You wake him, feed him, drive him around,
lend him money and pay his bills,
because his wallet still hasn’t been “found”.
But you leaving him, what you did to him,
it’s YOUR fault he couldn’t pay his bills.
YOU made him lose his home, his car, and
YOU’RE the reason he needs those pills.
But he doesn’t hit you.
He’s been screaming for hours,
but you’re frozen in place.
Your whole body trembles
as you search for an escape
You take a chance, make a break for it,
only to be caught by surprise.
Chained, suffocated,
by more of his lies.
He reminds you before
you can get to the door,
that without him….
you’re nothing but a fucking whore.
He doesn’t hit you.
But you wish he would.
At least then you would know
you’re not crazy, it’s him.
You’d have bruises to show.
You could tell the police,
call mom and cry.
Except you don’t have any bruises,
and he knows just how to lie.
So you lay wake all night,
feeling guilty, ashamed.
He’s not the man he was before,
and YOU are to blame.
That’s what he told you at least,
again and again.
YOU JUST KEPT LEAVING HIM!
NO MATTER HOW GOOD TO YOU HE’S BEEN!!
He’d do ANYTHING for you.
And you treat him like SHIT!
He’s said it so many times,
you have to believe it.
You get flashes sometimes,
little glimpses of how it used to be…
those blue eyes, that big smile,
and no red flags that you could see.
But you should have been more careful,
not gotten involved.
If you hadn’t been so naive,
there would be no problem to solve.
Now he doesn’t like your friends.
Says he’s looking out for you.
And convinces you to quit your job,
even though you didn’t want to.
Every minute you’re without him
he demands a full report back.
WHO you saw, WHO you spoke to.
You’ve learned to prepare for the attack
But no matter how hard you try,
you can’t do anything right.
You hate him, you want out,
but you’re too exhausted to fight
So you stay.
You suck it up
and try to fulfill all his needs,
the voice in your head
crying, “HELP ME, PLEASE!!!”
Then suddenly he gets you flowers
and your favorite ice cream,
with a letter professing his love,
so he must not be mean?
He doesn’t hit you.
So maybe he’s been right all along.
You’re making him do this.
You’re the problem, it’s your fault,
it’s YOU that’s abusive.
But if all that is true,
why does he stay?
Why does he tell you to fix him
if you’re the reason he’s not okay?
He punches himself when he’s angry.
It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen.
Then he tells you it’s your fault...
You never thought you’d be so traumatized at 19.
He’s gone now,
moved away without a care.
And you’re left so stressed
that you’ve lost your hair.
You get dressed, put on makeup,
and try to be who you were before.
But you just look empty, lifeless.
You’re not you anymore.
You reach out to the friends
that said they would be there.
But they say I told you so,
why did you think they would care?
Cause in this country men can kill their wives,
as long as they play ball,
disrespect and rape women
if they say they’ll build a wall.
So why would anyone care
about what he did to you?
You try to explain what he did,
but you don’t know how to.
You want the world to understand
but they’re not going to.
Because how could he be abusive...
If he didn’t hit you? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
You stare at yourself,
trance-like, in the mirror.
He’s just a man that loves you.
What is so unclear?
You’re just stressed.
Long shifts,
school,
it’s just PMS.
But you feel crazy,
and you don’t know why.
It’s so unbearable,
but you keep up the lies.
You’re not sure what’s wrong, just that no one can know.
You have to look happy.
Put on the show.
Hold his hand, smile, say nothing but hello.
But if you’re around other men,
then you must always look down.
Don’t cause an explosion.
Keep your eyes on the ground.
But he doesn’t hit you.
So everything is fine.
It must be you then.
You’ve lost your mind.
He’s not him.
He’s not the monster from which you already escaped.
He’s not threatening to kill himself.
You haven’t been raped.
He doesn’t hit you.
But he reads all your texts,
goes through your whole phone,
accuses you of cheating, and
blocks every guy you know.
But there’s letters, flowers, candles.
He showers you with love,
puts you up on a pedestal
like you’re something sent from above.
He doesn’t hit you.
He’s funny, he’s charming,
and he’s always right.
Yet you wonder how things would be
if you hadn’t met him that night.
You just need a break,
time to think, and catch your breath.
But he doesn’t agree,
and now you’re scared to death.
So you try to leave,
try to run out the door,
but he gets there first,
and falls to the floor.
Terrified, paralyzed, you’ve forgotten how to breathe.
He’s screaming, shaking, says it’s PTSD….
IT’S YOUR FAULT! YOU FUCKING BITCH!
YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST LEAVE!!?
He says he loves you.
But that YOU’RE destroying HIM.
A cold hearted bitch
is how he says you’ve been.
But you do everything for him.
You wake him, feed him, drive him around,
lend him money and pay his bills,
because his wallet still hasn’t been “found”.
But you leaving him, what you did to him,
it’s YOUR fault he couldn’t pay his bills.
YOU made him lose his home, his car, and
YOU’RE the reason he needs those pills.
But he doesn’t hit you.
He’s been screaming for hours,
but you’re frozen in place.
Your whole body trembles
as you search for an escape
You take a chance, make a break for it,
only to be caught by surprise.
Chained, suffocated,
by more of his lies.
He reminds you before
you can get to the door,
that without him….
you’re nothing but a fucking whore.
He doesn’t hit you.
But you wish he would.
At least then you would know
you’re not crazy, it’s him.
You’d have bruises to show.
You could tell the police,
call mom and cry.
Except you don’t have any bruises,
and he knows just how to lie.
So you lay wake all night,
feeling guilty, ashamed.
He’s not the man he was before,
and YOU are to blame.
That’s what he told you at least,
again and again.
YOU JUST KEPT LEAVING HIM!
NO MATTER HOW GOOD TO YOU HE’S BEEN!!
He’d do ANYTHING for you.
And you treat him like SHIT!
He’s said it so many times,
you have to believe it.
You get flashes sometimes,
little glimpses of how it used to be…
those blue eyes, that big smile,
and no red flags that you could see.
But you should have been more careful,
not gotten involved.
If you hadn’t been so naive,
there would be no problem to solve.
Now he doesn’t like your friends.
Says he’s looking out for you.
And convinces you to quit your job,
even though you didn’t want to.
Every minute you’re without him
he demands a full report back.
WHO you saw, WHO you spoke to.
You’ve learned to prepare for the attack
But no matter how hard you try,
you can’t do anything right.
You hate him, you want out,
but you’re too exhausted to fight
So you stay.
You suck it up
and try to fulfill all his needs,
the voice in your head
crying, “HELP ME, PLEASE!!!”
Then suddenly he gets you flowers
and your favorite ice cream,
with a letter professing his love,
so he must not be mean?
He doesn’t hit you.
So maybe he’s been right all along.
You’re making him do this.
You’re the problem, it’s your fault,
it’s YOU that’s abusive.
But if all that is true,
why does he stay?
Why does he tell you to fix him
if you’re the reason he’s not okay?
He punches himself when he’s angry.
It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen.
Then he tells you it’s your fault...
You never thought you’d be so traumatized at 19.
He’s gone now,
moved away without a care.
And you’re left so stressed
that you’ve lost your hair.
You get dressed, put on makeup,
and try to be who you were before.
But you just look empty, lifeless.
You’re not you anymore.
You reach out to the friends
that said they would be there.
But they say I told you so,
why did you think they would care?
Cause in this country men can kill their wives,
as long as they play ball,
disrespect and rape women
if they say they’ll build a wall.
So why would anyone care
about what he did to you?
You try to explain what he did,
but you don’t know how to.
You want the world to understand
but they’re not going to.
Because how could he be abusive...
If he didn’t hit you? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow do you do with horrible memories?
How do you make them stop hurting you in the now?
Trauma happened this year. How do I continue living? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow do you do with horrible memories?
How do you make them stop hurting you in the now?
Trauma happened this year. How do I continue living? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am new in this sub.
I think I am in denial and would like to hear if someone else has gone through similar.
I had a 6year relationship with my bf (36), I am 31. He would have rage attacks, psychiatrist thinks its either borderline or narcissistic personality disorder or both. we broke up but I have a hard time accepting that he was abusive. The violence feels mild, I know any kind of violence is violence. he would twist my wrists which hurt a lot(this happened several times), hit once with the fist on top of my head, once hit my arms and once kicked my belly. the thing is I feel like part of it was my fault because he never attacked me, we would argue and he would want to get out of the room and I stood in front of him because I wanted to talk it through, when we argued I didnt let him leave, which I know now is not right
I was afraid he would leave and not come back, because he left twice for a week and ignored me and I felt very anxious.… I ams 163cm he is 180cm so its not like I am stronger .. but now I feel like I caused these situations and also miss my ex…is this real, trauma bond, denial, dissociation, depression or what??
thank you!! ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am new in this sub.
I think I am in denial and would like to hear if someone else has gone through similar.
I had a 6year relationship with my bf (36), I am 31. He would have rage attacks, psychiatrist thinks its either borderline or narcissistic personality disorder or both. we broke up but I have a hard time accepting that he was abusive. The violence feels mild, I know any kind of violence is violence. he would twist my wrists which hurt a lot(this happened several times), hit once with the fist on top of my head, once hit my arms and once kicked my belly. the thing is I feel like part of it was my fault because he never attacked me, we would argue and he would want to get out of the room and I stood in front of him because I wanted to talk it through, when we argued I didnt let him leave, which I know now is not right
I was afraid he would leave and not come back, because he left twice for a week and ignored me and I felt very anxious.… I ams 163cm he is 180cm so its not like I am stronger .. but now I feel like I caused these situations and also miss my ex…is this real, trauma bond, denial, dissociation, depression or what??
thank you!! [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend (30m) and I (26f) have had a shaky relationship but it hasn't really gotten violent until last night. He's mildly crossed the line in the past in the bedroom but I would eventually shrug it off. Last night, he got upset because I asked his friend what kind of cheese he wanted on his dinner but didn't ask my boyfriend if he wanted any (I already put it on his because I know what he likes). When I tried to explain my logic, he mocked me and overpowered me in the conversation. I got upset and raised my voice. My boyfriend said he wanted me out and dumped some sentimental belongings I had in a box on the ground. I told him he wouldn't like it if I did that with his computer. He came over and hugged me but then grabbed my phone out of my pocket and ran away. I was trying to pull it out of his hands but he kept saying "This is my phone. I pay for it!" I went in his computer room in rage but with no intentions of doing anything I'd later regret. Thats when he put both hands around my neck and picked me up (he's 6'5, 275lbs, I'm 5'3, 115lbs). Then he tossed me on the ground. He kept applying pressure to my neck, I had to get him to stop so croaked out "I love you". He instantly released and I started to have a panic attack. He comforted me and told me to calm down. My ear was ringing and I couldn't breathe. I went in the bathroom and he said that I needed to give him sex to calm down. My back was hurting from him slamming me into the ground. He blocked me in- I had no phone and nowhere to go. I said that's assault and told him to move out of the doorway. He didn't, he stood his ground and said he needed sex. We live in an apartment so I loudly said "You're forcing me to have sex! Thats sexual assa-" he put his hand over my mouth and nose, popping my nose. He released his hand and ask "whats it going to be?" I went to give him a bj but was in pain and he was mad that I didn't give all in. I tasted an awful taste and spit in the sink. It was yellow... I believe he peed in my mouth.... he then said he didn't and that was his precum. I let him fuck me after that because I felt like I had no other option to get him to comply. He kept saying that he's going to get me off the pill so I can have a baby with him. He pounded me as hard as he could then after he finished told me I had to give him my pin for my phone, otherwise he'd factory reset it by putting in too many false pins. Eventually, I gave it to him but changed it today. I was afraid that he was going to try to kill me in my sleep but emotionally and physically exhausted, so I kept drifting in and out of sleep. He makes a lot of money and says he's going to ruin my life if I ever leave him. He also claims to know a gang and has threatened to have them kill me and my family. Today, he is being nice and I haven't left the bed. He got me to put all of my money in a joint checking account and empties it into his savings, whenever I show signs of leaving. I no longer have a car because he manipulated me into signing it over to his name so he could let his sister use it. I did this in the beginning of the relationship, when things were good. I'm not sure what to do or how to get out. The only thing he has allowed me to have is my phone because he hasn't seen me doing anything bad on it. I also think that he thinks that I am so in love with him that I would never reach out for help. It's difficult to get away... especially, now during the pandemic, since he never leaves the house without me. I've never called a shelter and don't know what to expect from DV organizations.
Edit: fix grammar and add details ###Assistant:Shelters/ DV center/ Agency | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend (30m) and I (26f) have had a shaky relationship but it hasn't really gotten violent until last night. He's mildly crossed the line in the past in the bedroom but I would eventually shrug it off. Last night, he got upset because I asked his friend what kind of cheese he wanted on his dinner but didn't ask my boyfriend if he wanted any (I already put it on his because I know what he likes). When I tried to explain my logic, he mocked me and overpowered me in the conversation. I got upset and raised my voice. My boyfriend said he wanted me out and dumped some sentimental belongings I had in a box on the ground. I told him he wouldn't like it if I did that with his computer. He came over and hugged me but then grabbed my phone out of my pocket and ran away. I was trying to pull it out of his hands but he kept saying "This is my phone. I pay for it!" I went in his computer room in rage but with no intentions of doing anything I'd later regret. Thats when he put both hands around my neck and picked me up (he's 6'5, 275lbs, I'm 5'3, 115lbs). Then he tossed me on the ground. He kept applying pressure to my neck, I had to get him to stop so croaked out "I love you". He instantly released and I started to have a panic attack. He comforted me and told me to calm down. My ear was ringing and I couldn't breathe. I went in the bathroom and he said that I needed to give him sex to calm down. My back was hurting from him slamming me into the ground. He blocked me in- I had no phone and nowhere to go. I said that's assault and told him to move out of the doorway. He didn't, he stood his ground and said he needed sex. We live in an apartment so I loudly said "You're forcing me to have sex! Thats sexual assa-" he put his hand over my mouth and nose, popping my nose. He released his hand and ask "whats it going to be?" I went to give him a bj but was in pain and he was mad that I didn't give all in. I tasted an awful taste and spit in the sink. It was yellow... I believe he peed in my mouth.... he then said he didn't and that was his precum. I let him fuck me after that because I felt like I had no other option to get him to comply. He kept saying that he's going to get me off the pill so I can have a baby with him. He pounded me as hard as he could then after he finished told me I had to give him my pin for my phone, otherwise he'd factory reset it by putting in too many false pins. Eventually, I gave it to him but changed it today. I was afraid that he was going to try to kill me in my sleep but emotionally and physically exhausted, so I kept drifting in and out of sleep. He makes a lot of money and says he's going to ruin my life if I ever leave him. He also claims to know a gang and has threatened to have them kill me and my family. Today, he is being nice and I haven't left the bed. He got me to put all of my money in a joint checking account and empties it into his savings, whenever I show signs of leaving. I no longer have a car because he manipulated me into signing it over to his name so he could let his sister use it. I did this in the beginning of the relationship, when things were good. I'm not sure what to do or how to get out. The only thing he has allowed me to have is my phone because he hasn't seen me doing anything bad on it. I also think that he thinks that I am so in love with him that I would never reach out for help. It's difficult to get away... especially, now during the pandemic, since he never leaves the house without me. I've never called a shelter and don't know what to expect from DV organizations.
Edit: fix grammar and add details [/INST] Shelters/ DV center/ Agency </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi All! I (33F) have been married for more than 5 years and have a 3 year old. My marriage has been full of physical assault, sexual coercion, verbal abuse, and gaslighting. Me, my husband and daughter recently immigrated to a new country and lived with my sister’s family for a few months.
Once my husband and I got new jobs, the three of us moved out to an apartment near to my sister’s place. 4 days after moving in, my husband, started touching my body after I had said no. I said no again and removed my hands. He leapt over my sleeping daughter and struck me across the face. It wasn’t the first time he had hit me, but it was the first time in my daughter’s presence. I moved out with my daughter the next day and have been giving the situation a lot of thought. In the last 4 weeks since leaving the house, there have been no apologies. My parents and my sister also stood by me when I finalised my decision to separate from him. Once he received the letter from my lawyer he came crawling back, called my parents and other family members telling them he had made a big mistake and wants to reconcile. He has deceived me multiple times during the relationship, so I’m not falling for that. But unfortunately now my parents have been influenced. They say that they don’t like the guy, and that I should do what I want to, but they recently said hurtful things like, “don’t involve us, this is embarrassing for us”. I’m from a south Asian family, divorce is still a taboo, so I wasn’t expecting them to cheer me on, but is there some way to convince the family to stand by me? I’m a financially independent woman, I’m well educated, I got a decent job in the new country before my husband did, and I have been the level headed kid of the family. I have done what I was told to for as long as I remember. I feel betrayed right now, given that I have never given my parents any trouble, and this is the only time I’m “not playing by the rules”. I feel alone. Has anyone overcome something similar? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi All! I (33F) have been married for more than 5 years and have a 3 year old. My marriage has been full of physical assault, sexual coercion, verbal abuse, and gaslighting. Me, my husband and daughter recently immigrated to a new country and lived with my sister’s family for a few months.
Once my husband and I got new jobs, the three of us moved out to an apartment near to my sister’s place. 4 days after moving in, my husband, started touching my body after I had said no. I said no again and removed my hands. He leapt over my sleeping daughter and struck me across the face. It wasn’t the first time he had hit me, but it was the first time in my daughter’s presence. I moved out with my daughter the next day and have been giving the situation a lot of thought. In the last 4 weeks since leaving the house, there have been no apologies. My parents and my sister also stood by me when I finalised my decision to separate from him. Once he received the letter from my lawyer he came crawling back, called my parents and other family members telling them he had made a big mistake and wants to reconcile. He has deceived me multiple times during the relationship, so I’m not falling for that. But unfortunately now my parents have been influenced. They say that they don’t like the guy, and that I should do what I want to, but they recently said hurtful things like, “don’t involve us, this is embarrassing for us”. I’m from a south Asian family, divorce is still a taboo, so I wasn’t expecting them to cheer me on, but is there some way to convince the family to stand by me? I’m a financially independent woman, I’m well educated, I got a decent job in the new country before my husband did, and I have been the level headed kid of the family. I have done what I was told to for as long as I remember. I feel betrayed right now, given that I have never given my parents any trouble, and this is the only time I’m “not playing by the rules”. I feel alone. Has anyone overcome something similar? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo literally just 30 min ago, he came to my room for no reason other than to attack me. He grabs a broom, hits the wall on purpose to provoke me to get up, and if I do try to close the "door", he spits on me. He then proceeds to run away. Both of my parents were here, my Mother *sometimes* stops him if I threaten to call the police. My father just ignores that I exist. I am financially bankrupt so my only choice is to live here or run away and be homeless. I am getting a job probably this week, and my first priority is to move out. My "door", is knobless, so he can go in and enter whenever he feels like it. My dad bought a new one but is too lazy to install it, and I have to *beg* him to install or or else he never does. I have no idea how to do so myself, so I am constantly threatened, and whenever he does attack he gets away with it with no problem. His build is slighly taller despite being younger so he has a wide range of attacks, my only option really is to just barricade the door, but he can just easily push through it and attack me. He has attacked my sister once and has gotten baker acted, I really don't want to do that again as it puts financial stress on my parents and then they *blame* me for being innocent. It's a messed up family dynamic, and I am constantly fuming with anger, which affects not only my college life but social life and everything. I am frequently outside my house for that very reason.
TL;Dr: violent agressive younger sibling, and indifferent parents, vs me who does nothing to provoke them except try to get profit and ratain my sanity within my bedroom.
Edit: Does anyone know a DIY trick that would allow me to have a "fake door" if it is knobless? I feel like that would be a temporary solution, not the *best* but better than nothing? Like for example, could I tie a string or something that would close the "door" shut? I am just brainstorming. I do not like to call the police because this is considered a "trivial" matter, and I get sh*it* for it. I'd rather do things my own way and move out when I can. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo literally just 30 min ago, he came to my room for no reason other than to attack me. He grabs a broom, hits the wall on purpose to provoke me to get up, and if I do try to close the "door", he spits on me. He then proceeds to run away. Both of my parents were here, my Mother *sometimes* stops him if I threaten to call the police. My father just ignores that I exist. I am financially bankrupt so my only choice is to live here or run away and be homeless. I am getting a job probably this week, and my first priority is to move out. My "door", is knobless, so he can go in and enter whenever he feels like it. My dad bought a new one but is too lazy to install it, and I have to *beg* him to install or or else he never does. I have no idea how to do so myself, so I am constantly threatened, and whenever he does attack he gets away with it with no problem. His build is slighly taller despite being younger so he has a wide range of attacks, my only option really is to just barricade the door, but he can just easily push through it and attack me. He has attacked my sister once and has gotten baker acted, I really don't want to do that again as it puts financial stress on my parents and then they *blame* me for being innocent. It's a messed up family dynamic, and I am constantly fuming with anger, which affects not only my college life but social life and everything. I am frequently outside my house for that very reason.
TL;Dr: violent agressive younger sibling, and indifferent parents, vs me who does nothing to provoke them except try to get profit and ratain my sanity within my bedroom.
Edit: Does anyone know a DIY trick that would allow me to have a "fake door" if it is knobless? I feel like that would be a temporary solution, not the *best* but better than nothing? Like for example, could I tie a string or something that would close the "door" shut? I am just brainstorming. I do not like to call the police because this is considered a "trivial" matter, and I get sh*it* for it. I'd rather do things my own way and move out when I can. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo I just need to vent or see if anyone else dealt with this situation. I left an abusive relationship all my friends knew it was told me I need to leave they even witnessed it. In the end I found out they were talking badly about me to my abuser and started choosing the abusers side so I eventually cut them all off because it hurt so bad to know all those people I did anything for ended up being extremely fake and choosing to stay friends with my abuser even tho they have all talked shit about each other. I have trust and abandonment iusses now with making friends and I have actually not made anymore friend do to this it is almost to years now. Why do people do that chose the abuser over the victim? It's confusing and I don't understand why? This is my first ever post on Reddit so bare with me 😭 ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo I just need to vent or see if anyone else dealt with this situation. I left an abusive relationship all my friends knew it was told me I need to leave they even witnessed it. In the end I found out they were talking badly about me to my abuser and started choosing the abusers side so I eventually cut them all off because it hurt so bad to know all those people I did anything for ended up being extremely fake and choosing to stay friends with my abuser even tho they have all talked shit about each other. I have trust and abandonment iusses now with making friends and I have actually not made anymore friend do to this it is almost to years now. Why do people do that chose the abuser over the victim? It's confusing and I don't understand why? This is my first ever post on Reddit so bare with me 😭 [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhy do we attract these people is it because we are too soft or lenient with negative behaviour? Is it because we are too desperate im so fed up
😞 ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhy do we attract these people is it because we are too soft or lenient with negative behaviour? Is it because we are too desperate im so fed up
😞 [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI feel so incredibly trapped.
Two weeks ago I had an abortion and the day after I expressed I was upset he didnt ask how i was. He started the verbal abuse and its hard to remember what I had done so wrong. But I was in the shower and i said i wanted to leave. He put the shower head in my mouth and choked me after with his hands. He beat the sink with my hair dryer and cracked the porcelain. He needed to go another town and he calmed on the ride. Then I saw him texting his ex and idk I said that I knew it. We were in a woodsy area when no one around. He pushed my head to the center console and proceeded to punch the back of my neck. Almost home he said that when we get home he used to be the s*** out of me. I begged and pleaded that I would literally do anything. I fantasize about taking my pet and running to the nearest store. My car doesn't work and I didn't have a phone at the time. When we got home I took a shower again because Im only safe to cry there. I heard my pet crying. I got out of the shower to dry off and he brought my pet limp. He then held the back of my neck and made me watch punching my pet. he said that this was my fault. He grabbed a plastic bag and put it over his face. I disassociated because I believe that he was going to die. He threw him back in the cage and we went to bed. I had to pee and checked on him hurt but alive. That morning he was stiff. He made me put him in a bag and put him in the ground. His little toe was broken. I'm so scared I really don't know how to get out of this.
I originally moved in with three of my pets and they oddly died within two months. He kept buying me new ones and claimed if i left he bought them they were his. Drunk he admitted to killing all of them. And tries to apologize for brutally murdering my friend like its not completely insane
I was so sad to have to get an abortion but if i make it out my bean will never know the suffering they would have endured. I try to tell myself that much. I feel two huge losses. Im so weak to fight for safety. It all sounds so ridiculous i dont know if cops would even believe or be able to do anything for a rodent ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI feel so incredibly trapped.
Two weeks ago I had an abortion and the day after I expressed I was upset he didnt ask how i was. He started the verbal abuse and its hard to remember what I had done so wrong. But I was in the shower and i said i wanted to leave. He put the shower head in my mouth and choked me after with his hands. He beat the sink with my hair dryer and cracked the porcelain. He needed to go another town and he calmed on the ride. Then I saw him texting his ex and idk I said that I knew it. We were in a woodsy area when no one around. He pushed my head to the center console and proceeded to punch the back of my neck. Almost home he said that when we get home he used to be the s*** out of me. I begged and pleaded that I would literally do anything. I fantasize about taking my pet and running to the nearest store. My car doesn't work and I didn't have a phone at the time. When we got home I took a shower again because Im only safe to cry there. I heard my pet crying. I got out of the shower to dry off and he brought my pet limp. He then held the back of my neck and made me watch punching my pet. he said that this was my fault. He grabbed a plastic bag and put it over his face. I disassociated because I believe that he was going to die. He threw him back in the cage and we went to bed. I had to pee and checked on him hurt but alive. That morning he was stiff. He made me put him in a bag and put him in the ground. His little toe was broken. I'm so scared I really don't know how to get out of this.
I originally moved in with three of my pets and they oddly died within two months. He kept buying me new ones and claimed if i left he bought them they were his. Drunk he admitted to killing all of them. And tries to apologize for brutally murdering my friend like its not completely insane
I was so sad to have to get an abortion but if i make it out my bean will never know the suffering they would have endured. I try to tell myself that much. I feel two huge losses. Im so weak to fight for safety. It all sounds so ridiculous i dont know if cops would even believe or be able to do anything for a rodent [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIdk... i can’t stop crying I don’t even know where to start so I’m just gonna list what he did last night and what he’s done before...
he said he loved me I’m so confused... it hurts
He got upset because I was texting a coworker flirting... told me I was a hoe and a bitch and to get the fuck out at 3-4 am while I’m drunk...
- he found his address and threatened to find the guy and hurt him
- he hit me in the head
- grabbed my face and threw me around
- when I locked myself in his car he pulled my hair from the window
- I begged and begged and said I loved him to let me stay he said he doesn’t give a fuck and to get out I’m not wanted
- he let me sleep until I was sober enough but then left on the couch took all the blankets and pillows and left me there and said I didn’t deserve a blanket
Before last night
-Kicked me out his house numerous of times
-He choked me and hit my head against a wall
-He put a gun to my face and made me call my friend on FaceTime to see how much of a whore I am
-Threw my phone and purse out and say I’m his and I’m not going anywhere
-Said he could make me disappear and no one will ever see me again
- Straddled on top of me and took both of his hands and choked me until I blacked out
-He laughed when I woke up gasping for air
-Threw my phone on the floor and his and said if I touch either one I’m dead
-He’s thrown his dog across the room in front of me and kicked her repeatedly and made me watch
-Reached his hand in my car grabbed my neck and choked me
-Slammed my shoulder against my car door
-Knocked me upside the head
-Left marks on my neck that will probably scar and burn because of how hard he was choking me
-Made me call male friends to end friendships and block them
-Shot at my friends building while I’m in the car
-Made me tell My friend at the gas station in person won’t see him anymore and steal from the gas station
-Poured lighter fluid all over my clothes the night before work
I feel so pathetic and like trash. Like I’m nothing. I cried and begged I made him food. I feel so dumb. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIdk... i can’t stop crying I don’t even know where to start so I’m just gonna list what he did last night and what he’s done before...
he said he loved me I’m so confused... it hurts
He got upset because I was texting a coworker flirting... told me I was a hoe and a bitch and to get the fuck out at 3-4 am while I’m drunk...
- he found his address and threatened to find the guy and hurt him
- he hit me in the head
- grabbed my face and threw me around
- when I locked myself in his car he pulled my hair from the window
- I begged and begged and said I loved him to let me stay he said he doesn’t give a fuck and to get out I’m not wanted
- he let me sleep until I was sober enough but then left on the couch took all the blankets and pillows and left me there and said I didn’t deserve a blanket
Before last night
-Kicked me out his house numerous of times
-He choked me and hit my head against a wall
-He put a gun to my face and made me call my friend on FaceTime to see how much of a whore I am
-Threw my phone and purse out and say I’m his and I’m not going anywhere
-Said he could make me disappear and no one will ever see me again
- Straddled on top of me and took both of his hands and choked me until I blacked out
-He laughed when I woke up gasping for air
-Threw my phone on the floor and his and said if I touch either one I’m dead
-He’s thrown his dog across the room in front of me and kicked her repeatedly and made me watch
-Reached his hand in my car grabbed my neck and choked me
-Slammed my shoulder against my car door
-Knocked me upside the head
-Left marks on my neck that will probably scar and burn because of how hard he was choking me
-Made me call male friends to end friendships and block them
-Shot at my friends building while I’m in the car
-Made me tell My friend at the gas station in person won’t see him anymore and steal from the gas station
-Poured lighter fluid all over my clothes the night before work
I feel so pathetic and like trash. Like I’m nothing. I cried and begged I made him food. I feel so dumb. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI feel the need to scream. To let everyone in my life or who knows me know how I feel. And at the same time, I know it will not help me feel better, itll only attract attention I dont want. Because though I want to express my feelings to everyone, I dont want petty or encouragement. I want understanding. Thats not what I will get though. Add on this feeling of needing to... get my exs from my previous poly relationship to understand that I didn't intend to cheat and that sex under duress is not consensual. And having to grasp between not shaming myself for allowing it to happen and that its not my fault even though I didn't say no... and having to accept that just because someone thinks it was selfish doesnt mean I'm selfish constantly. Figuring out how to stop calling myself pathetic and meaning it. I was brought up at a time where the "men can't be raped" was still pretty strong. I mean. Stronger then it is now. My exs think I gave into impuls. Is it giving into impuls if you cry afterwords or want to die afterwords? If you feel the need to scrub yourself for hours on end in the shower and never come out? Is it giving into impuls if you have multiple nightmares about it afterwords and get severe anxiety to the point of almost puking if someone even touches you on accident? If it is then fuck. I'm a cheater... ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI feel the need to scream. To let everyone in my life or who knows me know how I feel. And at the same time, I know it will not help me feel better, itll only attract attention I dont want. Because though I want to express my feelings to everyone, I dont want petty or encouragement. I want understanding. Thats not what I will get though. Add on this feeling of needing to... get my exs from my previous poly relationship to understand that I didn't intend to cheat and that sex under duress is not consensual. And having to grasp between not shaming myself for allowing it to happen and that its not my fault even though I didn't say no... and having to accept that just because someone thinks it was selfish doesnt mean I'm selfish constantly. Figuring out how to stop calling myself pathetic and meaning it. I was brought up at a time where the "men can't be raped" was still pretty strong. I mean. Stronger then it is now. My exs think I gave into impuls. Is it giving into impuls if you cry afterwords or want to die afterwords? If you feel the need to scrub yourself for hours on end in the shower and never come out? Is it giving into impuls if you have multiple nightmares about it afterwords and get severe anxiety to the point of almost puking if someone even touches you on accident? If it is then fuck. I'm a cheater... [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI keep reporting my ex for violating his protective I have against him and everytime I feel like they don’t care about my situation. Like I feel like giving up and starting a new but I want to be around for my family. ###Assistant:Police | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI keep reporting my ex for violating his protective I have against him and everytime I feel like they don’t care about my situation. Like I feel like giving up and starting a new but I want to be around for my family. [/INST] Police </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI know so many people in domestic violence situations say “it will only happen once” and stay longer than they should, but has anyone ever stayed and it ACTUALLY never happened again? Anyone ever stay with their abused and have them change and be better and have it not happen again? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI know so many people in domestic violence situations say “it will only happen once” and stay longer than they should, but has anyone ever stayed and it ACTUALLY never happened again? Anyone ever stay with their abused and have them change and be better and have it not happen again? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contenti been taking care of my grandma since her husband died in 2016, paying bills, keeping the house standing, yard and house work, food in the house, the whole 9 yards, only to be met with verbal abuse daily, i do nothing but help out around here and get nothing but disrespect in return, if i move out, she loses the house because she cant physically do it anymore, she suffered a small stroke a couple years ago and cant do numbers/cant pay her own bills, let alone anything else, she treats me like a personal slave, what should i do? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contenti been taking care of my grandma since her husband died in 2016, paying bills, keeping the house standing, yard and house work, food in the house, the whole 9 yards, only to be met with verbal abuse daily, i do nothing but help out around here and get nothing but disrespect in return, if i move out, she loses the house because she cant physically do it anymore, she suffered a small stroke a couple years ago and cant do numbers/cant pay her own bills, let alone anything else, she treats me like a personal slave, what should i do? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy ex who I have a restraining order messaged my mom, my birthday is soon and they messaged her asking if she could ask me if it'll be okay for him to being me gifts and that he just wants ti hear my voice one more time, how he will never forgive himself for hurting me. The first time he messaged my mom in December (a week after the order) asking her to ask me to call him because he was going to kill himself and wanted to apologize (he never did and I never called)
He sounds genuine but I no longer believe he could ever be genuine. He's never apologized until he was arrested for hitting me.
To be honest I have this gut feeling he's trying to get me to call him so the order gets voided since I broke it and I put it on him. Should I report him to the police? Idk of bes genuine or not but I don't believe he has an honest or kind bone in his body. What should I do? ###Assistant:Police | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy ex who I have a restraining order messaged my mom, my birthday is soon and they messaged her asking if she could ask me if it'll be okay for him to being me gifts and that he just wants ti hear my voice one more time, how he will never forgive himself for hurting me. The first time he messaged my mom in December (a week after the order) asking her to ask me to call him because he was going to kill himself and wanted to apologize (he never did and I never called)
He sounds genuine but I no longer believe he could ever be genuine. He's never apologized until he was arrested for hitting me.
To be honest I have this gut feeling he's trying to get me to call him so the order gets voided since I broke it and I put it on him. Should I report him to the police? Idk of bes genuine or not but I don't believe he has an honest or kind bone in his body. What should I do? [/INST] Police </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI was recently attacked by my now ex partner who choke dragged me from one room to another the continued to suffocate me. In which i honestly thought i was going to loose my life. We are over. The police are involved. Im scared of him. But im desensitized to it when i talk to friends about the situation im very nonchalant where as they are really shoked and worried for me...
Im a pretty it is what it is person. But something feels strange that i just dont care to an extent i was attacked?? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI was recently attacked by my now ex partner who choke dragged me from one room to another the continued to suffocate me. In which i honestly thought i was going to loose my life. We are over. The police are involved. Im scared of him. But im desensitized to it when i talk to friends about the situation im very nonchalant where as they are really shoked and worried for me...
Im a pretty it is what it is person. But something feels strange that i just dont care to an extent i was attacked?? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s been six months since I last saw my ex. I was okay for a while and accepted it but now I just want to talk to him. I know all the bad things that happened but it’s hard when I miss him this much. I’m trying to stay strong but it’s so hard ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s been six months since I last saw my ex. I was okay for a while and accepted it but now I just want to talk to him. I know all the bad things that happened but it’s hard when I miss him this much. I’m trying to stay strong but it’s so hard [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAfter two months of around the clock care from my family, just as she was starting to improve, my sister has moved back to her house. She won't admit it to us but we know from other sources that he is living with her again.
What do we do now? Just wait for it all to go to shit again? What happens if she gets pregnant to him ? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAfter two months of around the clock care from my family, just as she was starting to improve, my sister has moved back to her house. She won't admit it to us but we know from other sources that he is living with her again.
What do we do now? Just wait for it all to go to shit again? What happens if she gets pregnant to him ? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentDoes anyone coparent with their abuser? It’s been awful for me, I find it best when there is zero to little communication. I have been doing this for years and he still tries to manipulate me and he manipulates the children. Constantly talks bad about me to the kids. When I do talk to him it’s constant verbal abuse and disrespect. I know it sounds horrible but It makes me question if it’s worth my mental health. Sometimes I feel like running away. I just want to know how some of you cope with this, if there’s a way to cope. ###Assistant:Childbearing | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentDoes anyone coparent with their abuser? It’s been awful for me, I find it best when there is zero to little communication. I have been doing this for years and he still tries to manipulate me and he manipulates the children. Constantly talks bad about me to the kids. When I do talk to him it’s constant verbal abuse and disrespect. I know it sounds horrible but It makes me question if it’s worth my mental health. Sometimes I feel like running away. I just want to know how some of you cope with this, if there’s a way to cope. [/INST] Childbearing </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentReally feeling stuck this weekend with my ex. He's been out of the house for 6 months... This past week I found the passport of his ex girlfriend stowed away in a bag. I was able to get her contact through one of his friends I keep in touch with. She told me it "went missing" two days before her flight out of the country but that she had always suspected that he stole it. She went on to share the same abusive stories that I have. Obviously I had to tell the friend why I wanted this woman's contact information, that I found her passport. Suddenly I get a barrage of threatening emails from him this weekend. "Why am I so obsessed with him? Why can't I let it go? Why do I try so hard to ruin his reputation?" It's so hard because I'm actually trying to stay in my lane. I've been successfully no contact for a while now. I would actually love for his reputation to be destroyed, and for people to know how abusive he is. But I don't need to spread rumors for that to happen... It naturally will happen through the consequences of his actions. I honestly feel like I can't say anything to anyone about the relationship, how he's not seeing his son or paying child support, even though it's stuff I really do wish I had someone to talk to about it with. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentReally feeling stuck this weekend with my ex. He's been out of the house for 6 months... This past week I found the passport of his ex girlfriend stowed away in a bag. I was able to get her contact through one of his friends I keep in touch with. She told me it "went missing" two days before her flight out of the country but that she had always suspected that he stole it. She went on to share the same abusive stories that I have. Obviously I had to tell the friend why I wanted this woman's contact information, that I found her passport. Suddenly I get a barrage of threatening emails from him this weekend. "Why am I so obsessed with him? Why can't I let it go? Why do I try so hard to ruin his reputation?" It's so hard because I'm actually trying to stay in my lane. I've been successfully no contact for a while now. I would actually love for his reputation to be destroyed, and for people to know how abusive he is. But I don't need to spread rumors for that to happen... It naturally will happen through the consequences of his actions. I honestly feel like I can't say anything to anyone about the relationship, how he's not seeing his son or paying child support, even though it's stuff I really do wish I had someone to talk to about it with. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy ex and I started seeing each other a couple months back. I have a 10 year restraining order on him, yes I know. Stupidity and loneliness and 2 failed dating attempts opened the door up for him. The day after Christmas we had a fight where he ended up dragging me about 15 ft by hair, ripping chunks of it out. He also held me down and put a pillow over my face to stop my screaming.
Before him I had beautiful hair and used to get many compliments. That never happens anymore. Ever since he’s pulled it out the first few times, it’s much thinner and has become a great insecurity of mine.
I feel awful about myself and why I could be so stupid to let him do this to me again. I had made it almost a year no contact with him. My hair had partially grown back and looked more normal just for him to rip all of it out worse than he ever has before. Thankfully my scalp did not bleed or scab so I’m hopeful some of it will grow back. But it’s awful, I can feel the coolness on my bare scalp when the wind blows and I keep obsessing whether or not it’s visible.
The worse part is that I still love him and care for him deeply. The cops were called and I cooperated. Now he is in jail for violating the ro, felony domestic violence, felony assault with likely bodily injury, and felony possession of ammunition by prohibited person.
I have cooperated with police, but I’ve also accepted his phone calls and wrote him emails. I know I’m fucking stupid. I don’t have much hope. He will probably get out soon thanks to covid. I do miss him and worry about him but I’m so angry for what he’s done to me again. I didn’t do anything to deserve this except hang out with him. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy ex and I started seeing each other a couple months back. I have a 10 year restraining order on him, yes I know. Stupidity and loneliness and 2 failed dating attempts opened the door up for him. The day after Christmas we had a fight where he ended up dragging me about 15 ft by hair, ripping chunks of it out. He also held me down and put a pillow over my face to stop my screaming.
Before him I had beautiful hair and used to get many compliments. That never happens anymore. Ever since he’s pulled it out the first few times, it’s much thinner and has become a great insecurity of mine.
I feel awful about myself and why I could be so stupid to let him do this to me again. I had made it almost a year no contact with him. My hair had partially grown back and looked more normal just for him to rip all of it out worse than he ever has before. Thankfully my scalp did not bleed or scab so I’m hopeful some of it will grow back. But it’s awful, I can feel the coolness on my bare scalp when the wind blows and I keep obsessing whether or not it’s visible.
The worse part is that I still love him and care for him deeply. The cops were called and I cooperated. Now he is in jail for violating the ro, felony domestic violence, felony assault with likely bodily injury, and felony possession of ammunition by prohibited person.
I have cooperated with police, but I’ve also accepted his phone calls and wrote him emails. I know I’m fucking stupid. I don’t have much hope. He will probably get out soon thanks to covid. I do miss him and worry about him but I’m so angry for what he’s done to me again. I didn’t do anything to deserve this except hang out with him. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI kicked him out early last year. He was physically, mentally, sexually abusive. His number and fb has been blocked since then. I didn't hear anything for about a year from him nor did I contact him. I received a message from a different fb account with his name recently which was in my "spam folder" in fb.
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It says: "Hi. \[insert my name\]. Since leaving you I have gotten my stuff together. I have 3 full time jobs, a car and I'm in a better place. Sorry for abandoning you. How have you and your cat been.?" He also then went onto my fb posts and started "hearting" photo.
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I find it strange that he's even still looking at my fb. I also doubt the full time job thing as he wouldn't take out rubbish, let alone get a job while he lived with me. All he would do was drink, smoke weed, play games and abuse me. When I kicked him out he went and lived with his mum.
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Why even update me? What's the point in sending that message? Why after a year? I didn't respond. I didn't ask nor care what he's doing. I don't want anything to do with him. Just blocked him instantly on that account as well. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI kicked him out early last year. He was physically, mentally, sexually abusive. His number and fb has been blocked since then. I didn't hear anything for about a year from him nor did I contact him. I received a message from a different fb account with his name recently which was in my "spam folder" in fb.
&#x200B;
It says: "Hi. \[insert my name\]. Since leaving you I have gotten my stuff together. I have 3 full time jobs, a car and I'm in a better place. Sorry for abandoning you. How have you and your cat been.?" He also then went onto my fb posts and started "hearting" photo.
&#x200B;
I find it strange that he's even still looking at my fb. I also doubt the full time job thing as he wouldn't take out rubbish, let alone get a job while he lived with me. All he would do was drink, smoke weed, play games and abuse me. When I kicked him out he went and lived with his mum.
&#x200B;
Why even update me? What's the point in sending that message? Why after a year? I didn't respond. I didn't ask nor care what he's doing. I don't want anything to do with him. Just blocked him instantly on that account as well. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi! I was in a 3 year relationship that was physically and sexually abusive. I finally officially left this past June. This relationship traumatized my family (Mom, Dad, Sister). He sent them sexual photos of me, they found out about a number of the things he did to me. He also emailed them and let them know things he thought was wrong with me.
I lied to them over the years to protect them, because I was scared, so many reasons. I have been in therapy weekly for the past 6 months and have been making big strides. We got in contact about a month ago and he just emailed my family all this bullshit again.
This is what I needed to see. That he is still who he was but I just don't know how to handle my family. They are just SO ANGRY with me and it is just so overwhelming for me to move on again, go to therapy, get over everything, and make my family feel better while I'm working on myself to feel better. The biggest thing is regaining their trust.
Please any advice on how to deal with and help my family would be great. Thank you ❤️ ###Assistant:Miscellaneous (Other) | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi! I was in a 3 year relationship that was physically and sexually abusive. I finally officially left this past June. This relationship traumatized my family (Mom, Dad, Sister). He sent them sexual photos of me, they found out about a number of the things he did to me. He also emailed them and let them know things he thought was wrong with me.
I lied to them over the years to protect them, because I was scared, so many reasons. I have been in therapy weekly for the past 6 months and have been making big strides. We got in contact about a month ago and he just emailed my family all this bullshit again.
This is what I needed to see. That he is still who he was but I just don't know how to handle my family. They are just SO ANGRY with me and it is just so overwhelming for me to move on again, go to therapy, get over everything, and make my family feel better while I'm working on myself to feel better. The biggest thing is regaining their trust.
Please any advice on how to deal with and help my family would be great. Thank you ❤️ [/INST] Miscellaneous (Other) </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi!
So, I (F28) have been in a relationship for 11 years and married for 5. My husband (M33) loses his temper really easily, but it's been getting a bit worse since a couple of years. He yells when he is angry at me and throws tantrums and recently as soon as he gets mad he hits things, like his desk or anything he has at hand, before, he just slammed stuff if he got REALLY angry from a discussion but now is so easy for him to snap. In all our time together he has only raised his hand at me twice but never hits me, I (most of the time) think he will never hurt me but he uses the spanking excuse to "hit" me when he is angry at me, you see, I like spanking and slaps on my face but sometimes he takes it out of the bedroom and I don't really like it like that. Once, when we were having a big argument I didn't want to talk anymore, he was asking me something in a really rude way and I was trying to ignore him because he was acting mean and he got so mad he spanked me really really hard and it didn't feel good, I got upset and called him out. It was a hard slap on my butt and I felt hurt, I think he did that because he is "allowed" to and he took advantage and thinks is not as bad as actually hitting my face or something. I try to not be scared of him because I think there's no reason to but I've been thinking about it a lot this days and I've read some things about it that makes me question all of this. Overall he is the kindest, nicest, most considerate husband and I feel I'll never meet someone like him but when he is angry, everything changes.
I don't know if this is abuse or is this normal behavior? Are men usually like this? Is is possible he could really hurt me one day if he hasn't before? Should I be scared? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi!
So, I (F28) have been in a relationship for 11 years and married for 5. My husband (M33) loses his temper really easily, but it's been getting a bit worse since a couple of years. He yells when he is angry at me and throws tantrums and recently as soon as he gets mad he hits things, like his desk or anything he has at hand, before, he just slammed stuff if he got REALLY angry from a discussion but now is so easy for him to snap. In all our time together he has only raised his hand at me twice but never hits me, I (most of the time) think he will never hurt me but he uses the spanking excuse to "hit" me when he is angry at me, you see, I like spanking and slaps on my face but sometimes he takes it out of the bedroom and I don't really like it like that. Once, when we were having a big argument I didn't want to talk anymore, he was asking me something in a really rude way and I was trying to ignore him because he was acting mean and he got so mad he spanked me really really hard and it didn't feel good, I got upset and called him out. It was a hard slap on my butt and I felt hurt, I think he did that because he is "allowed" to and he took advantage and thinks is not as bad as actually hitting my face or something. I try to not be scared of him because I think there's no reason to but I've been thinking about it a lot this days and I've read some things about it that makes me question all of this. Overall he is the kindest, nicest, most considerate husband and I feel I'll never meet someone like him but when he is angry, everything changes.
I don't know if this is abuse or is this normal behavior? Are men usually like this? Is is possible he could really hurt me one day if he hasn't before? Should I be scared? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHey,
My best friend and mother of my godkids was badly assaulted by her ex at the weekend and during the prolonged attack (which was in-front of the youngest 2) he smashed her mobile and their tv.
She has an autistic teenage son and 2 young kids and cannot afford to replace the tv but it’s very important for them, especially the son with autism.
I was wondering if there are any charities that might replace broken items for domestic abuse victims?
I lost my job during first lockdown otherwise I’d just replace anything for her but sadly I can’t afford to do that right now.
Thanks in advance to anyone who can help ###Assistant:Shelters/ DV center/ Agency | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHey,
My best friend and mother of my godkids was badly assaulted by her ex at the weekend and during the prolonged attack (which was in-front of the youngest 2) he smashed her mobile and their tv.
She has an autistic teenage son and 2 young kids and cannot afford to replace the tv but it’s very important for them, especially the son with autism.
I was wondering if there are any charities that might replace broken items for domestic abuse victims?
I lost my job during first lockdown otherwise I’d just replace anything for her but sadly I can’t afford to do that right now.
Thanks in advance to anyone who can help [/INST] Shelters/ DV center/ Agency </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
I don’t really want advice. I just want to tell someone. I have no one to tell the truth.
I have a 6 month old and 2 others under 5, with my partner.
I have been suffering from Post partum depression and anxiety. I’ll be honest, sometimes when I have a panic attack, I get uncontrollable. I have medication that takes a couple weeks to really help, but I still have my moments.
Saturday was one of those moments. I yelled and yelled, and eventually i kicked a wall. The wall kick was the climax of my tantrum.
As I’m walking out of the room, I hear him yell from behind me. I turn around and see him running out of the room after me. As soon as I could look at him straight, his hand was around my neck. He turned me around and then I felt his hand on the back of my head, in my hair.
He pulled my hair back, to pull my head back, and wrapped his arm around my throat.
He picked me up, and slammed me face first onto the hardwood floor. I can still hear the crack of my nose as it made impact. Once laying on the floor, he sat on my back, arm still around my throat. I couldn’t breathe. Everything I knew about fighting came to mind, and when I realized I couldn’t get air at all, no matter how much I wiggled, I just started tapping the floor.
He didn’t stop.
Frantically I started tapping his leg.
He didn’t stop.
I try once more on the floor.
He didn’t stop.
Finally, I just stopped tapping.
At this point, all I can hear is my toddler’s screams.
I didn’t have hardly any air left in my lungs to keep me conscious.
He finally let go and walked away. I just laid on the floor to catch my breath.
Eventually I made it to the bathroom. I thought I only had a nose issue.
I guess I had a bruised nose, a giant lump above my eyebrow, and I bit through my tongue.
A few hours later, I noticed my knees and hips were black and blue as well.
It’s been 3 days, my jaw still hurts from where his arm was on my neck. My nose is still bruised. My wrist is sprained from the fall. I feel like I’ve been in a car accident.
I’ve been with him for 4 years, and I would have never expected this. At all..
I didn’t even come at him physically. I was 6 ft away from him when I hit the wall..
I don’t know if I can move on from this.. he said he was just trying to “subdue” me. He was “just trying to put me to sleep.”
I think he almost killed me.
I’ve told everyone that I just fell while running up the stairs. Which explains all of my bruises pretty
I feel so stupid. He may not have killed me, but a part of me died on that floor. I think that part was my self worth. I haven’t showered since. I can’t really even bring myself to look at him.
Tonight I ordered pizza, because dinner just seemed to hard. I know he’s going to say something about that when he gets home. I have the means to leave, but I don’t know how to just leave my house and everything I’ve built. I’m so scared. I’m heartbroken. He has never laid an unsolicited hand on me before. Then this. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
I don’t really want advice. I just want to tell someone. I have no one to tell the truth.
I have a 6 month old and 2 others under 5, with my partner.
I have been suffering from Post partum depression and anxiety. I’ll be honest, sometimes when I have a panic attack, I get uncontrollable. I have medication that takes a couple weeks to really help, but I still have my moments.
Saturday was one of those moments. I yelled and yelled, and eventually i kicked a wall. The wall kick was the climax of my tantrum.
As I’m walking out of the room, I hear him yell from behind me. I turn around and see him running out of the room after me. As soon as I could look at him straight, his hand was around my neck. He turned me around and then I felt his hand on the back of my head, in my hair.
He pulled my hair back, to pull my head back, and wrapped his arm around my throat.
He picked me up, and slammed me face first onto the hardwood floor. I can still hear the crack of my nose as it made impact. Once laying on the floor, he sat on my back, arm still around my throat. I couldn’t breathe. Everything I knew about fighting came to mind, and when I realized I couldn’t get air at all, no matter how much I wiggled, I just started tapping the floor.
He didn’t stop.
Frantically I started tapping his leg.
He didn’t stop.
I try once more on the floor.
He didn’t stop.
Finally, I just stopped tapping.
At this point, all I can hear is my toddler’s screams.
I didn’t have hardly any air left in my lungs to keep me conscious.
He finally let go and walked away. I just laid on the floor to catch my breath.
Eventually I made it to the bathroom. I thought I only had a nose issue.
I guess I had a bruised nose, a giant lump above my eyebrow, and I bit through my tongue.
A few hours later, I noticed my knees and hips were black and blue as well.
It’s been 3 days, my jaw still hurts from where his arm was on my neck. My nose is still bruised. My wrist is sprained from the fall. I feel like I’ve been in a car accident.
I’ve been with him for 4 years, and I would have never expected this. At all..
I didn’t even come at him physically. I was 6 ft away from him when I hit the wall..
I don’t know if I can move on from this.. he said he was just trying to “subdue” me. He was “just trying to put me to sleep.”
I think he almost killed me.
I’ve told everyone that I just fell while running up the stairs. Which explains all of my bruises pretty
I feel so stupid. He may not have killed me, but a part of me died on that floor. I think that part was my self worth. I haven’t showered since. I can’t really even bring myself to look at him.
Tonight I ordered pizza, because dinner just seemed to hard. I know he’s going to say something about that when he gets home. I have the means to leave, but I don’t know how to just leave my house and everything I’ve built. I’m so scared. I’m heartbroken. He has never laid an unsolicited hand on me before. Then this. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi everyone. So I’ll try to keep it as brief as I know how to.
Was in a relationship for 2 years, we were engaged. We went through a lot together. For example him being diagnosed with a pretty serious condition, him going to jail twice, and him getting his by a car (he almost died).
I love this person so much however during all this time it was filled with a lot of mentally abusive stuff, momment a from blocking me from leaving all the way to posting my nude on his Facebook. However ironically what made me walk away finally was him cheating after me going through the car wreck recovery with him. It still eats at me.
Well cut a year later and here we are. He has just reached out to me, we have talked a bit and he wants very badly to date me again. He seems a lot calmer and is being very nice. However…. In the back of my mind I wish I could get over the cheating and abuse but i just can’t…. When I see him it’s like I wanna date him too but I just feel wronged. Does anyone know what my best move might be? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi everyone. So I’ll try to keep it as brief as I know how to.
Was in a relationship for 2 years, we were engaged. We went through a lot together. For example him being diagnosed with a pretty serious condition, him going to jail twice, and him getting his by a car (he almost died).
I love this person so much however during all this time it was filled with a lot of mentally abusive stuff, momment a from blocking me from leaving all the way to posting my nude on his Facebook. However ironically what made me walk away finally was him cheating after me going through the car wreck recovery with him. It still eats at me.
Well cut a year later and here we are. He has just reached out to me, we have talked a bit and he wants very badly to date me again. He seems a lot calmer and is being very nice. However…. In the back of my mind I wish I could get over the cheating and abuse but i just can’t…. When I see him it’s like I wanna date him too but I just feel wronged. Does anyone know what my best move might be? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI cleaned out a lot of stuff two months ago to prep for this so I’d really only have the bare minimum but even that feels like a lot. I don’t really know to be honest.. I don’t know what’s a point of reference on how much I need and what to bring. If I’ll need a lot of stuff at the shelter or it will be provided etc.
Idk about money for pet food either. There’s a lot of questions running through my head right now along with the excitement and anxiety.
I also need to plan an escape route. If i just take my pet and me (I’m very sadly leaving two birds behind that technically belong to the abusers even though I took care of them), then I can play it off as a vet visit. But if I take some boxes, I can only pass so many off as more donations boxes. (I have 5 boxes and potentially a suitcase though that would be noticeable) I’m not sure if they’ll notice or ignore it. They have a front door cam so even sneaking it out the back and to the front is dangerous.
I’m spiraling from all the thoughts in my head, so any help/advice is *greatly* appreciated.
PS I’m super excited to finally be free. I pray I never ever have to go back to them or their hell home. I’m adding this because I know a lot of survivors struggle with leaving and thinking about the process. I can relate but I’m still very happy and grateful for this chance. Naturally there comes some anxiety to work through but I know it’ll all turn out well in the end and for the best.
TIA! ###Assistant:Safety planning | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI cleaned out a lot of stuff two months ago to prep for this so I’d really only have the bare minimum but even that feels like a lot. I don’t really know to be honest.. I don’t know what’s a point of reference on how much I need and what to bring. If I’ll need a lot of stuff at the shelter or it will be provided etc.
Idk about money for pet food either. There’s a lot of questions running through my head right now along with the excitement and anxiety.
I also need to plan an escape route. If i just take my pet and me (I’m very sadly leaving two birds behind that technically belong to the abusers even though I took care of them), then I can play it off as a vet visit. But if I take some boxes, I can only pass so many off as more donations boxes. (I have 5 boxes and potentially a suitcase though that would be noticeable) I’m not sure if they’ll notice or ignore it. They have a front door cam so even sneaking it out the back and to the front is dangerous.
I’m spiraling from all the thoughts in my head, so any help/advice is *greatly* appreciated.
PS I’m super excited to finally be free. I pray I never ever have to go back to them or their hell home. I’m adding this because I know a lot of survivors struggle with leaving and thinking about the process. I can relate but I’m still very happy and grateful for this chance. Naturally there comes some anxiety to work through but I know it’ll all turn out well in the end and for the best.
TIA! [/INST] Safety planning </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’ve been at the DV shelter w my kids 3 weeks now. My abuser takes care of the kids while I work. I can’t completely cut him off. I’ve never been worried about him around the kids.
Anyway he is trying to see me on Valentine’s Day “for 1 last time alone” I felt like it would be okay at first but I’m starting to think I probably shouldn’t because we would actually be alone. He could try to hurt me. Idk. It’s hard still being in constant contact w your abuser. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’ve been at the DV shelter w my kids 3 weeks now. My abuser takes care of the kids while I work. I can’t completely cut him off. I’ve never been worried about him around the kids.
Anyway he is trying to see me on Valentine’s Day “for 1 last time alone” I felt like it would be okay at first but I’m starting to think I probably shouldn’t because we would actually be alone. He could try to hurt me. Idk. It’s hard still being in constant contact w your abuser. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAny time my husband becomes physically or verbally abusive ,(last night I got home and for no reason at all he started acting angry and aggressive and accused me of gross sexual shit within hearing distance of out 2 kids) and I confront him later about it....he will either
A) says he doesn't remember. It's so convenient how selective he is with his recollections, and he really sticks with the "I seriously don't remember that at all, it makes no sense!" Schtick. He claims that with all the times he's hit and strangled me too, just can't remember 🙄
Or B) he will say "what did I do wrong? Tell me" and even tho he knows damn well what he did, ill tell him...only for him to ask AGAIN "wait, so what did I do again?" Literally minutes later. He played this game 3 times in a row last night, until I was like "I'm not doing this anymore, good night" and then he goes "see? You can't even tell me what the issue is" even though I've already told him THREE OR FOUR TIMES WITHIN THE LAST HALF HOUR.
It gets me so frustrated I'm in tears, is that gaslighting or something other tactic ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAny time my husband becomes physically or verbally abusive ,(last night I got home and for no reason at all he started acting angry and aggressive and accused me of gross sexual shit within hearing distance of out 2 kids) and I confront him later about it....he will either
A) says he doesn't remember. It's so convenient how selective he is with his recollections, and he really sticks with the "I seriously don't remember that at all, it makes no sense!" Schtick. He claims that with all the times he's hit and strangled me too, just can't remember 🙄
Or B) he will say "what did I do wrong? Tell me" and even tho he knows damn well what he did, ill tell him...only for him to ask AGAIN "wait, so what did I do again?" Literally minutes later. He played this game 3 times in a row last night, until I was like "I'm not doing this anymore, good night" and then he goes "see? You can't even tell me what the issue is" even though I've already told him THREE OR FOUR TIMES WITHIN THE LAST HALF HOUR.
It gets me so frustrated I'm in tears, is that gaslighting or something other tactic [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am considering going tonight, if I can get a ride. I don't know what to expect and I'm scared. I'm autistic and the sudden change is terrifying. I don't know how to get out of the house without him noticing and if he notices he's going to have another huge breakdown and I will completely shut down. I don't know what to do. Do I just wait til tomorrow maybe? Or do I stay and try to work it out?
What's it like at one of those places? What do I need to prepare for? ###Assistant:Shelters/ DV center/ Agency | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am considering going tonight, if I can get a ride. I don't know what to expect and I'm scared. I'm autistic and the sudden change is terrifying. I don't know how to get out of the house without him noticing and if he notices he's going to have another huge breakdown and I will completely shut down. I don't know what to do. Do I just wait til tomorrow maybe? Or do I stay and try to work it out?
What's it like at one of those places? What do I need to prepare for? [/INST] Shelters/ DV center/ Agency </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI've been seeing a guy for around 2 months. I see him regularly. I met him via mutual friends. At first I couldn't stand him but he was persistent and I ended up liking him. This is while I was supposed to be taking a break from dating/guys. We haven't slept together but have done other stuff. We also have movie night and do cute things together like cooking, cuddling, and sexual stuff etc.
&#x200B;
His DV related history:
He has restraining order on him from previous long term girlfriend. He mentioned something about strangulation regarding the order as well. He told me it's all lies and that he never hurt her and loved her. He has court coming up for this at some point. He is being minored via ankle monitor. He basically just goes to work and then go home.
&#x200B;
Texting too much, being possessive, jealous and not giving me space:
He sometimes tells me he feels this is too full on, that we should just be friends longer, but I feel like he kind of goes back and forth. Like he told me recently "we're already kind of going out." and "I don't want you doing sexual things with anyone else." but then makes comments saying "Oh this is getting a bit full on." then he takes it back. I don't understand this.
&#x200B;
I am not full on. I love my space. He is the one who is full on from what I've experienced so far. This makes me feel not good. Like I'm not worthy of proper relationship with him, and that it's because I'm doing something wrong. He also texts me too much sometimes and then also what seems to be guilt tripping me when I don't want to stay over his place or when I need space.
&#x200B;
He is also jealous when I hang out with male friends even our mutual friends. He asked me if I'm having sex with one of them. I'm not. Each time I need space he asks if I'm sleeping with guys. He called me a cheap sl\*t the other night, said that if I like male attention so much I should go be a prostitute, then told me I took it wrong way, that he just didn't know how to express his feelings. He also said "I don't know what you're getting up to when I'm not here. I'm not here all the time." "People have told me things about you. That's why I'm asking." I asked him who, he wouldn't say and just got angry at me for asking who, said I'm being suspicious.
&#x200B;
I have also found myself reacting to him and being nasty back, which I know is not healthy. I told him if he's going to call me a sl\*t I will go be one, which I know is immature and not healthy. I was sick of hearing it. That just made him worse and more paranoid about it.
&#x200B;
Calling me names like bipolar and crazy, bitch, ect:
He also calls me crazy and bipolar sometimes too. He asked me "If you're going to be my gf you won't be crazy right.?" I told him it's better to not actually date as we already have issues. He called me a narcissist the other day.
Age difference (not sure if this matters.): I'm 29. He's 37. So he's 8 years older.
Drug and alcohol use:
He drinks often and sometimes smokes meth. I do not drink or do any drugs at all.
&#x200B;
Different rules/double standards:
He seems to have no issue flirting with other women in front of me sometimes. I don't really even react to it. He was flirting with his lawyer while seeing me, which she put a stop to straight away. She told him no. He was hitting on female friend who drove him to work. He hit on another woman other day, as well. I was there, and I assume he thought I didn't hear. I can only imagine how angry he would get if I did the same with guys.
&#x200B;
Once his possessiveness came up that's when he asked to be exclusive. Are these red flags? The positives about him is how protective he is and he always cooks for me or buys me food. He's also sweet with my cat. When he's nice he's just a teddy bear. He was arrested the other day for not charging his ankle monitor (dv related) and the space has given me more time to think about this whole thing and how unhealthy it is.
&#x200B;
I'm going to end this as honestly it makes me feel horrible about myself. I'll try to just not speak to him at all even though I come across him regularly. I've tried to end this before and he always makes a deal of it. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI've been seeing a guy for around 2 months. I see him regularly. I met him via mutual friends. At first I couldn't stand him but he was persistent and I ended up liking him. This is while I was supposed to be taking a break from dating/guys. We haven't slept together but have done other stuff. We also have movie night and do cute things together like cooking, cuddling, and sexual stuff etc.
&#x200B;
His DV related history:
He has restraining order on him from previous long term girlfriend. He mentioned something about strangulation regarding the order as well. He told me it's all lies and that he never hurt her and loved her. He has court coming up for this at some point. He is being minored via ankle monitor. He basically just goes to work and then go home.
&#x200B;
Texting too much, being possessive, jealous and not giving me space:
He sometimes tells me he feels this is too full on, that we should just be friends longer, but I feel like he kind of goes back and forth. Like he told me recently "we're already kind of going out." and "I don't want you doing sexual things with anyone else." but then makes comments saying "Oh this is getting a bit full on." then he takes it back. I don't understand this.
&#x200B;
I am not full on. I love my space. He is the one who is full on from what I've experienced so far. This makes me feel not good. Like I'm not worthy of proper relationship with him, and that it's because I'm doing something wrong. He also texts me too much sometimes and then also what seems to be guilt tripping me when I don't want to stay over his place or when I need space.
&#x200B;
He is also jealous when I hang out with male friends even our mutual friends. He asked me if I'm having sex with one of them. I'm not. Each time I need space he asks if I'm sleeping with guys. He called me a cheap sl\*t the other night, said that if I like male attention so much I should go be a prostitute, then told me I took it wrong way, that he just didn't know how to express his feelings. He also said "I don't know what you're getting up to when I'm not here. I'm not here all the time." "People have told me things about you. That's why I'm asking." I asked him who, he wouldn't say and just got angry at me for asking who, said I'm being suspicious.
&#x200B;
I have also found myself reacting to him and being nasty back, which I know is not healthy. I told him if he's going to call me a sl\*t I will go be one, which I know is immature and not healthy. I was sick of hearing it. That just made him worse and more paranoid about it.
&#x200B;
Calling me names like bipolar and crazy, bitch, ect:
He also calls me crazy and bipolar sometimes too. He asked me "If you're going to be my gf you won't be crazy right.?" I told him it's better to not actually date as we already have issues. He called me a narcissist the other day.
Age difference (not sure if this matters.): I'm 29. He's 37. So he's 8 years older.
Drug and alcohol use:
He drinks often and sometimes smokes meth. I do not drink or do any drugs at all.
&#x200B;
Different rules/double standards:
He seems to have no issue flirting with other women in front of me sometimes. I don't really even react to it. He was flirting with his lawyer while seeing me, which she put a stop to straight away. She told him no. He was hitting on female friend who drove him to work. He hit on another woman other day, as well. I was there, and I assume he thought I didn't hear. I can only imagine how angry he would get if I did the same with guys.
&#x200B;
Once his possessiveness came up that's when he asked to be exclusive. Are these red flags? The positives about him is how protective he is and he always cooks for me or buys me food. He's also sweet with my cat. When he's nice he's just a teddy bear. He was arrested the other day for not charging his ankle monitor (dv related) and the space has given me more time to think about this whole thing and how unhealthy it is.
&#x200B;
I'm going to end this as honestly it makes me feel horrible about myself. I'll try to just not speak to him at all even though I come across him regularly. I've tried to end this before and he always makes a deal of it. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’ve been in a volatile and abusive relationship for years. Psychical violence, control, and spousal rape. Oh and of course gas lighting like none of this has never happened to me. It’s been a while since things got physical. About over a year honestly. The spousal rape happens more often.
We broke up for a summer and when we got back together and he found out I had slept with other people he pretty much chummed it up to me cheating and being dishonest the whole time. So to him I am a liar through out the relationship. He no longer has anger issues because you know justified behavior for being a “whore”.
Last night he was drunk like drinking for about 8 hours straight drunk. He got in my face and started telling me that all I did during our relationship was choke on dick. He told me on one would take me in because no one loves me. I snapped. He was in my face and saying things like I deserved to be screamed at all night. At this point I was kicking and pushing for him to get away from me and verbally screaming this. He got directly in my face and I close fist punched him in the face.
I’ve never done anything like this and I feel disgusted in myself. I know what I did was wrong. I came back to his place today and cleaned up the drunken mess for an hour. Cleaned up all his blood etc. (I don’t know if I actually made him bleed because it seems after he left he punched a bunch of walls).
Leave before you do what I did. Leave before you lose yourself. Don’t stay until you have lost yourself completely. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’ve been in a volatile and abusive relationship for years. Psychical violence, control, and spousal rape. Oh and of course gas lighting like none of this has never happened to me. It’s been a while since things got physical. About over a year honestly. The spousal rape happens more often.
We broke up for a summer and when we got back together and he found out I had slept with other people he pretty much chummed it up to me cheating and being dishonest the whole time. So to him I am a liar through out the relationship. He no longer has anger issues because you know justified behavior for being a “whore”.
Last night he was drunk like drinking for about 8 hours straight drunk. He got in my face and started telling me that all I did during our relationship was choke on dick. He told me on one would take me in because no one loves me. I snapped. He was in my face and saying things like I deserved to be screamed at all night. At this point I was kicking and pushing for him to get away from me and verbally screaming this. He got directly in my face and I close fist punched him in the face.
I’ve never done anything like this and I feel disgusted in myself. I know what I did was wrong. I came back to his place today and cleaned up the drunken mess for an hour. Cleaned up all his blood etc. (I don’t know if I actually made him bleed because it seems after he left he punched a bunch of walls).
Leave before you do what I did. Leave before you lose yourself. Don’t stay until you have lost yourself completely. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy mom likes my husband a lot,, and I'm not the kind to air dirty laundry. I've kept all this secret. .but a few days ago I told my mom that when my husband drinks he becomes an abusive asshole, and if he doesn't get help for his alcoholism and some therapy I'm leaving w the kids. All she said was "have you done counseling " . Didn't call and ask me to expand, or ask what happened. Didn't give any emotional support, Nothing. A few months ago I brought up possible separation and she immediately started saying that I was the one tearing my family apart 🙄
Then today she texted me asking about Xmas and then said "I hope you won't do anything drastic this month to cause the boys any angst". Yeah, cause living in a home with a man who becomes abusive every night if he drinks won't cause them any angst right? It's just me being dramatic.
My mom/grandmother/great grandmother were all totally dependent on men who were abusive often and I still have a lot of resentment she sat back and did nothing for us. So to have her, on top of that, basically accuse ME of being the problem makes me feel so alone..its bad enough rent is prohibitively expensive for a single mom , im not expecting any financial help, but maybe some emotional support??
I'm a mother and if I thought for a second somebody was hurting my kids in any way, I'd go psycho. I have nobody else except 2 sisters who live 3000 miles away.
Anyways, feeling crushed. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy mom likes my husband a lot,, and I'm not the kind to air dirty laundry. I've kept all this secret. .but a few days ago I told my mom that when my husband drinks he becomes an abusive asshole, and if he doesn't get help for his alcoholism and some therapy I'm leaving w the kids. All she said was "have you done counseling " . Didn't call and ask me to expand, or ask what happened. Didn't give any emotional support, Nothing. A few months ago I brought up possible separation and she immediately started saying that I was the one tearing my family apart 🙄
Then today she texted me asking about Xmas and then said "I hope you won't do anything drastic this month to cause the boys any angst". Yeah, cause living in a home with a man who becomes abusive every night if he drinks won't cause them any angst right? It's just me being dramatic.
My mom/grandmother/great grandmother were all totally dependent on men who were abusive often and I still have a lot of resentment she sat back and did nothing for us. So to have her, on top of that, basically accuse ME of being the problem makes me feel so alone..its bad enough rent is prohibitively expensive for a single mom , im not expecting any financial help, but maybe some emotional support??
I'm a mother and if I thought for a second somebody was hurting my kids in any way, I'd go psycho. I have nobody else except 2 sisters who live 3000 miles away.
Anyways, feeling crushed. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentBackstory: I (31 F) was diagnosed with PTSD by my psychiatrist in 2018 after the first major physical and sexual assault occurred in a relationship which ultimately lasted a total of ~5 years. Since the abuse began, I have been living a constant cycle of leaving, missing him, reconciling, honeymoon period, escalating abuse, calling police, restraining order/legal involvement and repeat. To complicate things, I began to struggle with substance use alongside my abuser (37 M). He would enter into several treatment programs alone, and although I desperately wanted to, he would not let me go get help without him and ended up admitting with me to treatment. He got upset with the staff and told me we were leaving after 5 days.
By October 2020, the frequency and severity of abuse reached a new level, I hadn't worked in a year, was an all day/daily user and was so isolated that the only person I had contact with was my abuser. In a single moment of clarity, I decided to give life one more try. I left, went to detox and immediately drove "home" to another state I had left 10 years prior to start over. My abuser was arrested within a week of my departure.
Now: I am working again at an amazing job in my career field, I am physically safe, have my own place. But I am not OK. My ex was released from jail in February, and since then, I have been spiraling and have reached out to him despite a restraining order and a no-contact order and him being on probation for 5 years for the assault (multiple offenses). I know I don't want to see him and I don't want to reconcile.
I have been on a waiting list for therapy with a local DV organization for four months. I have reached out to every crisis line, and several other organizations. I have health insurance and have reached out to therapists in the area who continuously refer me to the organizations I already reached out to or another therapist who refers me elsewhere. My symptoms are out of control, I'm starting to isolate, I have used, and I am not taking good care of myself. I don't want to do this again. I need to go somewhere safe and get better.
My question: does anyone know of or have first-hand experience with treatment centers equipped to handle DV issues, trauma, substance abuse and PTSD? I have good health insurance and the ability to take personal time off. I want to get better and move on for good. I have Googled endlessly with no real luck.
Thank you. ###Assistant:Healthcare information (counselling, psychiatrist, doctor etc.) | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentBackstory: I (31 F) was diagnosed with PTSD by my psychiatrist in 2018 after the first major physical and sexual assault occurred in a relationship which ultimately lasted a total of ~5 years. Since the abuse began, I have been living a constant cycle of leaving, missing him, reconciling, honeymoon period, escalating abuse, calling police, restraining order/legal involvement and repeat. To complicate things, I began to struggle with substance use alongside my abuser (37 M). He would enter into several treatment programs alone, and although I desperately wanted to, he would not let me go get help without him and ended up admitting with me to treatment. He got upset with the staff and told me we were leaving after 5 days.
By October 2020, the frequency and severity of abuse reached a new level, I hadn't worked in a year, was an all day/daily user and was so isolated that the only person I had contact with was my abuser. In a single moment of clarity, I decided to give life one more try. I left, went to detox and immediately drove "home" to another state I had left 10 years prior to start over. My abuser was arrested within a week of my departure.
Now: I am working again at an amazing job in my career field, I am physically safe, have my own place. But I am not OK. My ex was released from jail in February, and since then, I have been spiraling and have reached out to him despite a restraining order and a no-contact order and him being on probation for 5 years for the assault (multiple offenses). I know I don't want to see him and I don't want to reconcile.
I have been on a waiting list for therapy with a local DV organization for four months. I have reached out to every crisis line, and several other organizations. I have health insurance and have reached out to therapists in the area who continuously refer me to the organizations I already reached out to or another therapist who refers me elsewhere. My symptoms are out of control, I'm starting to isolate, I have used, and I am not taking good care of myself. I don't want to do this again. I need to go somewhere safe and get better.
My question: does anyone know of or have first-hand experience with treatment centers equipped to handle DV issues, trauma, substance abuse and PTSD? I have good health insurance and the ability to take personal time off. I want to get better and move on for good. I have Googled endlessly with no real luck.
Thank you. [/INST] Healthcare information (counselling, psychiatrist, doctor etc.) </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi,
I am looking for some insight, if anyone can help me.
First and foremost, I had an affair with a coworker. It was short, we ended it because we knew it wasn't sustainable, and I hated lying to my husband so I confessed to him.
I know it has been devastating to him. We are now in couples counselling, although we are just barely getting to the treatment phase. I am also in individual counselling.
Since confessing to my husband, we have had multiple escalated episodes. Most often he yells at me and swears at me. Sometimes he calls me names like "whore" and "slut". He often tells me that I don't understand what he's going through (which is most likely true). Often our son is sleeping across the hall and I tell him not to raise his voice which makes him angrier. He'll then tell me it's my fault because I had the affair and I made him so emotional. But these kinds of outbursts did happen before my affair as well, they were just much less frequent.
When he gets mad he often criticizes how I spend money, how I spend my time when I'm not working, how I keep house or don't, or that I'm tired all the time and he doesn't understand why. But it's when he's angry. When he's calm he's very sweet and supportive. But I just never know when it's going to flip.
At some point he read my journal and then became very hurt because my writings were not very sympathetic to him, and I wrote about missing my affair partner. So now he has an expectation for me to make up for what he read in my private journal by helping him "rewrite the narrative."
In our most recent argument, about a week ago, he became enraged and asked me how my coworker and I "did it." I was sitting in bed and my husband climbed on top of me and grabbed me by the shoulders yelling "Was it like this??" I pushed him off and told him to stop, but the argument kept going for a while... He said "I'm sorry for getting violent but what you did to me was an act of violence." He said I could have killed him and our son because I had been intimate with a man who is not vaccinated against COVID, and because we had unprotected sex. And look, I'm not going to try to defend my choices to have and affair and to have unprotected sex. My affair partner told me his sexual history and I took him at his word, but that doesn't justify it.
My husband often defends his actions by saying he doesn't have the skills for dealing with all the emotions, and that he's too busy with work to do any work on himself or self-care. He has a stressful job and works long hours.
I've told all of this to my therapist, and she has been alarmed by the number of red flags.... yelling, swearing, reading my private journal, criticizing me, the uncertainty, walking on eggshells, and then grabbing me. She has urged me to have a safety plan in case my son and I need to leave.
So this has all been going on for about 3 months. Like I said, our last big argument where it got physical was about a week ago. Since then he has had days where he has been able to self-regulate and not explode at me. Obviously he is apologetic. But I'm still scared. He wants to work on the marriage and move past the affair. He wants me to make an effort to right the wrongs I've done to him. But I just don't know how to feel. I know I betrayed him and broke his trust in me but I have lost my trust in him as well.
Obviously our relationship has been toxic. And having an affair is a form of abuse as well, so I know I am not the only victim in this situation. But how long do I give us to fix things? Is his abuse justified given what I've done? Some websites say that since I had an affair, I need to give up my right to privacy in order to rebuild my husband's trust in me. Does that extend to my private journal? Things seem to be getting better, granted it's only been a week, but from what I've read and been told by my therapist, abuse almost always escalates.
I've made a promise to myself to leave if he gets physically violent with me again. But besides that I am having a hard time feeling invested in this marriage. I wish I wanted to fix it, specifically for our son, but I feel like I'm just waiting for the next bad thing to happen.
Thanks for reading. I'm sorry this is so long. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi,
I am looking for some insight, if anyone can help me.
First and foremost, I had an affair with a coworker. It was short, we ended it because we knew it wasn't sustainable, and I hated lying to my husband so I confessed to him.
I know it has been devastating to him. We are now in couples counselling, although we are just barely getting to the treatment phase. I am also in individual counselling.
Since confessing to my husband, we have had multiple escalated episodes. Most often he yells at me and swears at me. Sometimes he calls me names like "whore" and "slut". He often tells me that I don't understand what he's going through (which is most likely true). Often our son is sleeping across the hall and I tell him not to raise his voice which makes him angrier. He'll then tell me it's my fault because I had the affair and I made him so emotional. But these kinds of outbursts did happen before my affair as well, they were just much less frequent.
When he gets mad he often criticizes how I spend money, how I spend my time when I'm not working, how I keep house or don't, or that I'm tired all the time and he doesn't understand why. But it's when he's angry. When he's calm he's very sweet and supportive. But I just never know when it's going to flip.
At some point he read my journal and then became very hurt because my writings were not very sympathetic to him, and I wrote about missing my affair partner. So now he has an expectation for me to make up for what he read in my private journal by helping him "rewrite the narrative."
In our most recent argument, about a week ago, he became enraged and asked me how my coworker and I "did it." I was sitting in bed and my husband climbed on top of me and grabbed me by the shoulders yelling "Was it like this??" I pushed him off and told him to stop, but the argument kept going for a while... He said "I'm sorry for getting violent but what you did to me was an act of violence." He said I could have killed him and our son because I had been intimate with a man who is not vaccinated against COVID, and because we had unprotected sex. And look, I'm not going to try to defend my choices to have and affair and to have unprotected sex. My affair partner told me his sexual history and I took him at his word, but that doesn't justify it.
My husband often defends his actions by saying he doesn't have the skills for dealing with all the emotions, and that he's too busy with work to do any work on himself or self-care. He has a stressful job and works long hours.
I've told all of this to my therapist, and she has been alarmed by the number of red flags.... yelling, swearing, reading my private journal, criticizing me, the uncertainty, walking on eggshells, and then grabbing me. She has urged me to have a safety plan in case my son and I need to leave.
So this has all been going on for about 3 months. Like I said, our last big argument where it got physical was about a week ago. Since then he has had days where he has been able to self-regulate and not explode at me. Obviously he is apologetic. But I'm still scared. He wants to work on the marriage and move past the affair. He wants me to make an effort to right the wrongs I've done to him. But I just don't know how to feel. I know I betrayed him and broke his trust in me but I have lost my trust in him as well.
Obviously our relationship has been toxic. And having an affair is a form of abuse as well, so I know I am not the only victim in this situation. But how long do I give us to fix things? Is his abuse justified given what I've done? Some websites say that since I had an affair, I need to give up my right to privacy in order to rebuild my husband's trust in me. Does that extend to my private journal? Things seem to be getting better, granted it's only been a week, but from what I've read and been told by my therapist, abuse almost always escalates.
I've made a promise to myself to leave if he gets physically violent with me again. But besides that I am having a hard time feeling invested in this marriage. I wish I wanted to fix it, specifically for our son, but I feel like I'm just waiting for the next bad thing to happen.
Thanks for reading. I'm sorry this is so long. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am preparing for a court hearing about a permanent protective order and could use some advice. I didn't file a police report after the incident and have really no evidence beyond my testimony (my testimony is of the incident in particular and my recollection of past abusive events, but no exact dates of those events) - no witnesses (I called my mom immediately afterwards but she didn't witness anything firsthand), no bruises, no pictures (beyond a picture of a hole in the apartment wall caused by him throwing a tantrum). I have a text message from him saying "I knew you never loved me", that he sent after the incident, which made me feel like he was trying to emotionally manipulate me. We exchanged a lot of texts before the PO was filed, saying horrible things to each other, which I am afraid will be used against me in court.
I have an appointment with a pro bono attorney on Monday who will likely be representing me, but I am still really worried about not proving my case and losing. What would make a judge deny the protective order? Thanks in advance. ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am preparing for a court hearing about a permanent protective order and could use some advice. I didn't file a police report after the incident and have really no evidence beyond my testimony (my testimony is of the incident in particular and my recollection of past abusive events, but no exact dates of those events) - no witnesses (I called my mom immediately afterwards but she didn't witness anything firsthand), no bruises, no pictures (beyond a picture of a hole in the apartment wall caused by him throwing a tantrum). I have a text message from him saying "I knew you never loved me", that he sent after the incident, which made me feel like he was trying to emotionally manipulate me. We exchanged a lot of texts before the PO was filed, saying horrible things to each other, which I am afraid will be used against me in court.
I have an appointment with a pro bono attorney on Monday who will likely be representing me, but I am still really worried about not proving my case and losing. What would make a judge deny the protective order? Thanks in advance. [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is the 4th split up but needs to be the final one.
He is beset by personality disorders. I believe he has NPD with some BPD traits, ADHD plus autism.
He is obsessed by BPD & all his ex's are crazy & he has tried to pin BPD on me.
I used to live with him but after a police incident in Sept, I left & moved back to my home city an hour from him. We did get talking again & started dating but he has got more & more abusive & the relationship such as it was - was going nowhere.
He enjoys playing the victim & even now he will be saying he has been dumped by me before Xmas & what a bitch I am. It will probably be to get out of working shifts because he will be so "heart broken" - if only he actually had a heart. He has a rock instead.
He is a psychopath who hates women. He has abused all his ex's & he should never be allowed to date another woman. I reported incidents of abuse to the police but unfortunately there was insufficient evidence to prosecute him.
He has since been more abusive but it seems very hard to get anything to stick & at the very least get him arrested & cautioned. Certainly I felt the police force where I lived with him, totally let me down & failed to recognise that he was coercivelly controlling me ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is the 4th split up but needs to be the final one.
He is beset by personality disorders. I believe he has NPD with some BPD traits, ADHD plus autism.
He is obsessed by BPD & all his ex's are crazy & he has tried to pin BPD on me.
I used to live with him but after a police incident in Sept, I left & moved back to my home city an hour from him. We did get talking again & started dating but he has got more & more abusive & the relationship such as it was - was going nowhere.
He enjoys playing the victim & even now he will be saying he has been dumped by me before Xmas & what a bitch I am. It will probably be to get out of working shifts because he will be so "heart broken" - if only he actually had a heart. He has a rock instead.
He is a psychopath who hates women. He has abused all his ex's & he should never be allowed to date another woman. I reported incidents of abuse to the police but unfortunately there was insufficient evidence to prosecute him.
He has since been more abusive but it seems very hard to get anything to stick & at the very least get him arrested & cautioned. Certainly I felt the police force where I lived with him, totally let me down & failed to recognise that he was coercivelly controlling me [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contenthi all. i have been in my relationship for 7 years, beginning at age 15. It is the first relationship I’ve been in.
Other than outright abuse, one thing that has come from our relationship is that sex is never about my pleasure. We do what he wants, when he wants, for as long as he wants, always. He says it is my job as a woman to serve him sexually, and that no man would ever please a woman without expecting something in return.
Can someone who has been in a healthy relationship tell me if this is the case? I am debating leaving, but I really can’t wrap my head around what “normal” sexual dynamics should look like. Is sex really supposed to be so currency-like? It seems so depressing if I will really never be valued besides what my body can provide. I read romance novels and they show it differently, but that might just be unrealistic. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contenthi all. i have been in my relationship for 7 years, beginning at age 15. It is the first relationship I’ve been in.
Other than outright abuse, one thing that has come from our relationship is that sex is never about my pleasure. We do what he wants, when he wants, for as long as he wants, always. He says it is my job as a woman to serve him sexually, and that no man would ever please a woman without expecting something in return.
Can someone who has been in a healthy relationship tell me if this is the case? I am debating leaving, but I really can’t wrap my head around what “normal” sexual dynamics should look like. Is sex really supposed to be so currency-like? It seems so depressing if I will really never be valued besides what my body can provide. I read romance novels and they show it differently, but that might just be unrealistic. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHello.
I am looking for advice on how to leave my abusive partner. I am mother to a 22 month old and a full time university student with virtually no money. I also signed a year long lease with the jerk and I co-own a vehicle with him because he doesn’t have a license (insisted on having the loan in his name). I am looking for any resources that can help me get out of this lease, find affordable housing and leave this guy. He also is the father of my daughter but, he’s a jerk to her too. He “fake” punches or kicks her and it’s really fucking weird. That was actually the start of many of our fights. Anyway - is there anyone in this sub that has had experience basically starting over with a toddler and no money?
I could get a job, I’m just so scared to have my daughter be looked after by strangers - and also covid-19. ###Assistant:Finance | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHello.
I am looking for advice on how to leave my abusive partner. I am mother to a 22 month old and a full time university student with virtually no money. I also signed a year long lease with the jerk and I co-own a vehicle with him because he doesn’t have a license (insisted on having the loan in his name). I am looking for any resources that can help me get out of this lease, find affordable housing and leave this guy. He also is the father of my daughter but, he’s a jerk to her too. He “fake” punches or kicks her and it’s really fucking weird. That was actually the start of many of our fights. Anyway - is there anyone in this sub that has had experience basically starting over with a toddler and no money?
I could get a job, I’m just so scared to have my daughter be looked after by strangers - and also covid-19. [/INST] Finance </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy ex and I are still living together while he finds other housing with a friend he plans to live with. Today, he decided to get drunk, and since he was drunk he wanted to turn the heat up in the house. I'm the one paying the bill, so I asked him not to, and he did so anyway. I'm currently trying to save money on bills, so that worst case scenario my daughter and I can get another apartment if he decides he no longer wants to leave. He went to go play his music and so when it got hot, I turned the heat off, he saw me do it, and he used his body to push me out of the way so that he could turn the heat back on, then he proceeded to remove the thermostat from the wall so I'd have no way to change it. After this I decided the safest thing was to take our daughter into the bedroom and lock the door, especially as he was stumbling around and trying to pick her up. He started begging for a blanket and like an idiot I fell for it. He pushed his way in after telling me he was "tired of my shit" he decided to take my bed, instead of the sofa where we agreed he'd sleep, as my daughter is used to sleeping on the bed with me. Is this considered abuse? Him pushing me? He told me its not because he didn't bruise me nor did he use his hands to do it, only his body. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy ex and I are still living together while he finds other housing with a friend he plans to live with. Today, he decided to get drunk, and since he was drunk he wanted to turn the heat up in the house. I'm the one paying the bill, so I asked him not to, and he did so anyway. I'm currently trying to save money on bills, so that worst case scenario my daughter and I can get another apartment if he decides he no longer wants to leave. He went to go play his music and so when it got hot, I turned the heat off, he saw me do it, and he used his body to push me out of the way so that he could turn the heat back on, then he proceeded to remove the thermostat from the wall so I'd have no way to change it. After this I decided the safest thing was to take our daughter into the bedroom and lock the door, especially as he was stumbling around and trying to pick her up. He started begging for a blanket and like an idiot I fell for it. He pushed his way in after telling me he was "tired of my shit" he decided to take my bed, instead of the sofa where we agreed he'd sleep, as my daughter is used to sleeping on the bed with me. Is this considered abuse? Him pushing me? He told me its not because he didn't bruise me nor did he use his hands to do it, only his body. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAwaiting trial, he's been in prison since April, another bail application hearing tomorrow and I know it's irrational to predict the future on the basis of a feeling, but I have a bad feeling. If he's released, I'm torn between wanting to go into DV emergency accommodation because I'm afraid he'll kill me, staying put because I hope he'll kill me or deluding myself into believing I can reboot us somehow but without all the torture this time around. I have zero people in my life. I'm going to spend Christmas alone. I don't even care about Christmas, but it's the principle of not having the option of participation. I feel so miserable I've gone back to almost believing I need him. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAwaiting trial, he's been in prison since April, another bail application hearing tomorrow and I know it's irrational to predict the future on the basis of a feeling, but I have a bad feeling. If he's released, I'm torn between wanting to go into DV emergency accommodation because I'm afraid he'll kill me, staying put because I hope he'll kill me or deluding myself into believing I can reboot us somehow but without all the torture this time around. I have zero people in my life. I'm going to spend Christmas alone. I don't even care about Christmas, but it's the principle of not having the option of participation. I feel so miserable I've gone back to almost believing I need him. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content(I don't want to give out too many details because my friend uses reddit sometimes and may be on this subreddit.)
Long story short, my boyfriend was abusive recently; the police were called. I told my friend, and she ended up telling my family despite me begging her not to. I kind of threw her under the bus and made her out to be crazy to my family. When I made it clear to her that I don't intend to leave him (the abuse was during a mental health crisis, and he's getting help now), she started saying that I'm lying about the abuse and giving domestic violence victims a bad reputation. She was vicious.
I don't know if she *actually* thinks I'm lying, or if she was just trying to get me to defend myself and say it was true so that she could screenshot it and send proof to my family. I basically just have to sit here and let her say that I'm lying in case that is what she's trying to do.
Her behavior doesn't make sense, though. She texted my boyfriend and said that he could go ahead and kill me now that she has blocked me and no one would know now (basically implying that no one will check up on me now that she's not talking to me). If she *really* thought that my boyfriend would kill me, she wouldn't say that - that could push him over the edge if he were really that violent.
My boyfriend and I are just trying to move on. We're both seeking help. She won't let it go, though.
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm better off because she's being abusive herself. What would you do? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content(I don't want to give out too many details because my friend uses reddit sometimes and may be on this subreddit.)
Long story short, my boyfriend was abusive recently; the police were called. I told my friend, and she ended up telling my family despite me begging her not to. I kind of threw her under the bus and made her out to be crazy to my family. When I made it clear to her that I don't intend to leave him (the abuse was during a mental health crisis, and he's getting help now), she started saying that I'm lying about the abuse and giving domestic violence victims a bad reputation. She was vicious.
I don't know if she *actually* thinks I'm lying, or if she was just trying to get me to defend myself and say it was true so that she could screenshot it and send proof to my family. I basically just have to sit here and let her say that I'm lying in case that is what she's trying to do.
Her behavior doesn't make sense, though. She texted my boyfriend and said that he could go ahead and kill me now that she has blocked me and no one would know now (basically implying that no one will check up on me now that she's not talking to me). If she *really* thought that my boyfriend would kill me, she wouldn't say that - that could push him over the edge if he were really that violent.
My boyfriend and I are just trying to move on. We're both seeking help. She won't let it go, though.
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm better off because she's being abusive herself. What would you do? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left him. This morning. After yet another emotional degrading episode in front of our 5 kids I took it as a sign to get out. I was not at all prepared because I’ve been so afraid, but when he went to work -after leaving and coming back multiple times- I threw clothes for me and my kids into a hamper took some snacks and a few essential items and documents and we left. Of course he’s promising he’s getting help. He’s crying he misses his kids. Trying all the things he can to get me to give into his control. But my sister helped me and I have safe place to sleep with my kids until Tuesday. And hopefully I will hear back from my local DV assistance/shelter. They have a long waitlist so I couldn’t get into it right away. I am afraid I will get arrested for taking my kids without his permission and he dosent know where they are. I’m afraid I will let him reel me back in. I’m afraid I really won’t be able to take care of myself and my kids like he’s told me countless times in the past. But I decided I can’t let the fear I have stop me. I have also contacted my local legal aid and submitted an online application so hopefully they can get back to me ASAP. I have so many thoughts spiraling threw my head as I lay with my sleeping children. If anyone has any advice on what I should/could do please tell me. Thank you all I know this is a new account so my abuser will not be able to track me I hope it’s ok. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left him. This morning. After yet another emotional degrading episode in front of our 5 kids I took it as a sign to get out. I was not at all prepared because I’ve been so afraid, but when he went to work -after leaving and coming back multiple times- I threw clothes for me and my kids into a hamper took some snacks and a few essential items and documents and we left. Of course he’s promising he’s getting help. He’s crying he misses his kids. Trying all the things he can to get me to give into his control. But my sister helped me and I have safe place to sleep with my kids until Tuesday. And hopefully I will hear back from my local DV assistance/shelter. They have a long waitlist so I couldn’t get into it right away. I am afraid I will get arrested for taking my kids without his permission and he dosent know where they are. I’m afraid I will let him reel me back in. I’m afraid I really won’t be able to take care of myself and my kids like he’s told me countless times in the past. But I decided I can’t let the fear I have stop me. I have also contacted my local legal aid and submitted an online application so hopefully they can get back to me ASAP. I have so many thoughts spiraling threw my head as I lay with my sleeping children. If anyone has any advice on what I should/could do please tell me. Thank you all I know this is a new account so my abuser will not be able to track me I hope it’s ok. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m really scared to go to one, but I don’t know how much longer I can take this.
How bad are they? Are the people nice? Do they help with job placement? Any personal experiences are greatly appreciated, good or bad, I’m just terrified right now.
Thank you. ###Assistant:Shelters/ DV center/ Agency | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m really scared to go to one, but I don’t know how much longer I can take this.
How bad are they? Are the people nice? Do they help with job placement? Any personal experiences are greatly appreciated, good or bad, I’m just terrified right now.
Thank you. [/INST] Shelters/ DV center/ Agency </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don’t know if this is self loathing. I escaped my abusive relationship 10 months ago. Since then has been mainly healing and also avoiding hoovering attempts.
Well one thing that has bothered me incredibly is when I think back to the abuse. I remember multiple times my ex was screaming at me, or blocking me from leaving with other people IN THE ROOM. They didn’t encourage the abuse it’s just… they didn’t exactly discourage it. I don’t know if I am expecting to much from these people I thought were my friends. I since the breakup have cut all ties with those friends and mutual friends.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but like…. No one even sent a freaking are you ok text? Or does he do this all the time. It’s like…. They didn’t care….. they liked him more then me Idk… I hate it ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don’t know if this is self loathing. I escaped my abusive relationship 10 months ago. Since then has been mainly healing and also avoiding hoovering attempts.
Well one thing that has bothered me incredibly is when I think back to the abuse. I remember multiple times my ex was screaming at me, or blocking me from leaving with other people IN THE ROOM. They didn’t encourage the abuse it’s just… they didn’t exactly discourage it. I don’t know if I am expecting to much from these people I thought were my friends. I since the breakup have cut all ties with those friends and mutual friends.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but like…. No one even sent a freaking are you ok text? Or does he do this all the time. It’s like…. They didn’t care….. they liked him more then me Idk… I hate it [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi all I've never done this before. I'm really looking for some advice. I have been with my partner for nearly 8 years. I'm 27 he's 36. I was very younge when I met him and he was amazing and I quickly fell in love with him and him me. About a year into the relationship we had a argument (can't remember what about) he was trying to get me out of his flat but I refused as I wanted to sort things out. He then pinned me up against the wall and strangled me. After he calmed down he was very sorry and I accepted the apology and he said he would never do that again. 7 years later I can sadly say that simular situations during arguments have happened at least another 6 times over the years most recently in the Autumn so a few months back now. Hes strangled me almost every time, pinned me up against the wall and has slapped me plus all of the awful names I am called ( bitch, hoe, retard) I never fight back or swear I just about raise my voice. I've always known that this is bad and not normal however I think over the years I have become very good at ignoring and blanking out the truth. Since turning 26/27 I've been doing alot of research on domestic violence and have accepted that I am a victim. I wouldn't say that I am your typical victim as most of the time our relationship is amazing and full of fun. However there has been times (roughly once or twice a year) when he's particularly stressed and when an argument breaks out he has become violent. As of recent I've addressed these issues with him and told him that what's he's been doing isn't normal and that I am not to blame for his out bursts. I've told him if it happens one more time then we are done for good. He's extreamly sorry and realises that he's been a monster to me at times. Does anyone here been in a similar situation as me? And can things actually change or am I just wasting my time? Thank you all xx ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi all I've never done this before. I'm really looking for some advice. I have been with my partner for nearly 8 years. I'm 27 he's 36. I was very younge when I met him and he was amazing and I quickly fell in love with him and him me. About a year into the relationship we had a argument (can't remember what about) he was trying to get me out of his flat but I refused as I wanted to sort things out. He then pinned me up against the wall and strangled me. After he calmed down he was very sorry and I accepted the apology and he said he would never do that again. 7 years later I can sadly say that simular situations during arguments have happened at least another 6 times over the years most recently in the Autumn so a few months back now. Hes strangled me almost every time, pinned me up against the wall and has slapped me plus all of the awful names I am called ( bitch, hoe, retard) I never fight back or swear I just about raise my voice. I've always known that this is bad and not normal however I think over the years I have become very good at ignoring and blanking out the truth. Since turning 26/27 I've been doing alot of research on domestic violence and have accepted that I am a victim. I wouldn't say that I am your typical victim as most of the time our relationship is amazing and full of fun. However there has been times (roughly once or twice a year) when he's particularly stressed and when an argument breaks out he has become violent. As of recent I've addressed these issues with him and told him that what's he's been doing isn't normal and that I am not to blame for his out bursts. I've told him if it happens one more time then we are done for good. He's extreamly sorry and realises that he's been a monster to me at times. Does anyone here been in a similar situation as me? And can things actually change or am I just wasting my time? Thank you all xx [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentPlenty of people have told me that I'm the survivor in my relationship. I'm even in counseling through a program that doesn't offer services to primary aggressors. But I can't seem to bring myself to stop trying to prove I'm the aggressor. I play endless devil's advocate.
For all the evidence I can provide that I am the survivor, I can always "spin" things in my head so that I'm the aggressor.
I'm familiar with the DARVO thing, and my partner has always alleged either that I am the aggressor or that it is "mutual abuse" (I know, not a thing). But I just keep asking myself, "Wait, am I the one doing DARVO? Am I actually "spinning" the evidence when I believe I am not the aggressor?"
Primary aggressors seem to proceed through life with extraordinary denial and confusion, truly believing they are survivors. If they can be so deeply fooled by their minds, how do I know I am not being fooled by mine?
Anyone else have a hard time with this? If so, do you know *why* it is or was so hard for your brain to accept that you are the survivor in your case? I have read so many clarifying resources and still am confused every day. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentPlenty of people have told me that I'm the survivor in my relationship. I'm even in counseling through a program that doesn't offer services to primary aggressors. But I can't seem to bring myself to stop trying to prove I'm the aggressor. I play endless devil's advocate.
For all the evidence I can provide that I am the survivor, I can always "spin" things in my head so that I'm the aggressor.
I'm familiar with the DARVO thing, and my partner has always alleged either that I am the aggressor or that it is "mutual abuse" (I know, not a thing). But I just keep asking myself, "Wait, am I the one doing DARVO? Am I actually "spinning" the evidence when I believe I am not the aggressor?"
Primary aggressors seem to proceed through life with extraordinary denial and confusion, truly believing they are survivors. If they can be so deeply fooled by their minds, how do I know I am not being fooled by mine?
Anyone else have a hard time with this? If so, do you know *why* it is or was so hard for your brain to accept that you are the survivor in your case? I have read so many clarifying resources and still am confused every day. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHope it’s okay to ask this here.
I was in two separate relationships that I think may have qualified as abusive, but I’m not sure. I’m trying to work through these feelings now, being clean from hard drugs and cannabis and drinking very rarely (I have been using substances to blanket over many issues until recently)
The short of it is in both relationships, I was often a shithead. Drinking too often, being lazy, not cleaning the house or taking care of my responsibilities. No excuses there, I was wrong and not a very good boyfriend in those ways.
But also in both instances, I found myself frequently being screamed at, having things thrown at me, slapped punched etc. usually because I had somehow offended them, a good example was when I expressed that comments were hurtful to me and I would like them to stop. This was put calmly, and ended with such screaming and slapping police were called.
I have felt rather emasculated by these relationships. I’m 6’2”, well over 250 pounds and quite strong. Both women were about 5 feet tall and under 135 pounds.
I have hesitated to call it abuse, because I was never really in physical danger. But as I work through it with a clearer mind, I am realizing the damage that’s been done.
Am I being a victim to avoid facing the realities of my own shortcomings? Did I perhaps push them to it, and thus must shoulder some blame?
Don’t sugarcoat it, I would appreciate all input even if it’s “you’re being a pussy, get over it”. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHope it’s okay to ask this here.
I was in two separate relationships that I think may have qualified as abusive, but I’m not sure. I’m trying to work through these feelings now, being clean from hard drugs and cannabis and drinking very rarely (I have been using substances to blanket over many issues until recently)
The short of it is in both relationships, I was often a shithead. Drinking too often, being lazy, not cleaning the house or taking care of my responsibilities. No excuses there, I was wrong and not a very good boyfriend in those ways.
But also in both instances, I found myself frequently being screamed at, having things thrown at me, slapped punched etc. usually because I had somehow offended them, a good example was when I expressed that comments were hurtful to me and I would like them to stop. This was put calmly, and ended with such screaming and slapping police were called.
I have felt rather emasculated by these relationships. I’m 6’2”, well over 250 pounds and quite strong. Both women were about 5 feet tall and under 135 pounds.
I have hesitated to call it abuse, because I was never really in physical danger. But as I work through it with a clearer mind, I am realizing the damage that’s been done.
Am I being a victim to avoid facing the realities of my own shortcomings? Did I perhaps push them to it, and thus must shoulder some blame?
Don’t sugarcoat it, I would appreciate all input even if it’s “you’re being a pussy, get over it”. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentOn January 24, after three weeks of love bombing, I called him out for something I didn’t agree with. He got angry and issued two slaps to my face, I kept telling him to have sympathy on me. He then poured orange juice over me and all over the house which I had just cleaned, I refused to stay quiet and he then poured soap on me. I spent the next hour and a half cleaning up as he laughed and said this was what I deserved, all while seven months pregnant. The next day, after hours and hours of crying and stressing myself out, I felt very sick and had bad pelvic pain. I asked him to take me to the hospital because I didn’t feel well, he claimed I was the girl who cried wolf. I repeatedly said please just take me, he refused. I then simply took a cab into the hospital to get myself and baby checked out. While in the hospital, my abuser continued spewing hate. He mentioned how he wishes the child would die so that he could get a second shot or how he would leave me if she came out mentally ill from all the stress “I put on her”. How a man could spew such hate while a woman is in the hospital is beyond me. Baby and I are fine, thank god. How do you walk away from this? All while seven months pregnant? Do abuse victims ever ask what you did to deserve this life to begin with? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentOn January 24, after three weeks of love bombing, I called him out for something I didn’t agree with. He got angry and issued two slaps to my face, I kept telling him to have sympathy on me. He then poured orange juice over me and all over the house which I had just cleaned, I refused to stay quiet and he then poured soap on me. I spent the next hour and a half cleaning up as he laughed and said this was what I deserved, all while seven months pregnant. The next day, after hours and hours of crying and stressing myself out, I felt very sick and had bad pelvic pain. I asked him to take me to the hospital because I didn’t feel well, he claimed I was the girl who cried wolf. I repeatedly said please just take me, he refused. I then simply took a cab into the hospital to get myself and baby checked out. While in the hospital, my abuser continued spewing hate. He mentioned how he wishes the child would die so that he could get a second shot or how he would leave me if she came out mentally ill from all the stress “I put on her”. How a man could spew such hate while a woman is in the hospital is beyond me. Baby and I are fine, thank god. How do you walk away from this? All while seven months pregnant? Do abuse victims ever ask what you did to deserve this life to begin with? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have been in abusive relationship of 6 years now , 6 years of manipulation, narcissism, physical/ mental abuse, humiliation, gaslighting, threatening my life constantly, this man has changed who I am, how I feel about myself, and how I think of things, I could go on. But Wednesday this week I finally got the courage to LEAVE. I feel cowardly for doing it while he was outta town but I feel I had no choice. I’ve tried leaving him before by telling him I don’t think it’s gonna work and he got physical with me so I stayed. After years of just dealing with it and thinking it’s because of me that he’s like this trying to change myself constantly I LEFT. I packed up my things and left my own apt. I took all the precautions I needed to to lay low until time passes, I didn’t say anything to him. Just packed all his things and left them at his door at his house for his nephew to find to tell him. Sometimes saying nothing at all speaks bigger volumes. I am on edge right now praying he doesn’t come looking for me but I feel more FREE and ALIVE then I ever have in the past 6 years….thank u for listening ❤️ ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have been in abusive relationship of 6 years now , 6 years of manipulation, narcissism, physical/ mental abuse, humiliation, gaslighting, threatening my life constantly, this man has changed who I am, how I feel about myself, and how I think of things, I could go on. But Wednesday this week I finally got the courage to LEAVE. I feel cowardly for doing it while he was outta town but I feel I had no choice. I’ve tried leaving him before by telling him I don’t think it’s gonna work and he got physical with me so I stayed. After years of just dealing with it and thinking it’s because of me that he’s like this trying to change myself constantly I LEFT. I packed up my things and left my own apt. I took all the precautions I needed to to lay low until time passes, I didn’t say anything to him. Just packed all his things and left them at his door at his house for his nephew to find to tell him. Sometimes saying nothing at all speaks bigger volumes. I am on edge right now praying he doesn’t come looking for me but I feel more FREE and ALIVE then I ever have in the past 6 years….thank u for listening ❤️ [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHusband was arrested this morning for DV. We were already mid separation, so some people know we were heading to separation. Downside is we work together.
Who did you tell the truth to, and how did you tell them? Did you keep it simple and private from some people?
I just don't know how to approach this. His family knows because he called them from jail, my best friends know, and my boss. I really don't want to tell my family and am struggling with how to deal with this at work. He will have a restraining order against him that we will have to figure out the verbiage and give to HR. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHusband was arrested this morning for DV. We were already mid separation, so some people know we were heading to separation. Downside is we work together.
Who did you tell the truth to, and how did you tell them? Did you keep it simple and private from some people?
I just don't know how to approach this. His family knows because he called them from jail, my best friends know, and my boss. I really don't want to tell my family and am struggling with how to deal with this at work. He will have a restraining order against him that we will have to figure out the verbiage and give to HR. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI went across the country to be safe from my abuser. He was so manipulative and narcissistic. I am so proud of myself. But it was over 28+ of time with driving, hotels, stops for gas. And pain and aggravation. I made it 12/23 late afternoon. I’m still trying to get myself back together. I am still grieving after the loss of everything (home, relationship, independence, money, and just not knowing what’s next). I’ll be staying with mom for awhile until I can get back on my feet. I have unpacking to do still. Still adjusting to new time zone and new life down here. I have connected to a DV organization to help me get back on my feet as I get through this adjustment and terrifying time. I just want words of encouragement or advice from anyone who has done any of this etc. I’m just trying to stay strong. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI went across the country to be safe from my abuser. He was so manipulative and narcissistic. I am so proud of myself. But it was over 28+ of time with driving, hotels, stops for gas. And pain and aggravation. I made it 12/23 late afternoon. I’m still trying to get myself back together. I am still grieving after the loss of everything (home, relationship, independence, money, and just not knowing what’s next). I’ll be staying with mom for awhile until I can get back on my feet. I have unpacking to do still. Still adjusting to new time zone and new life down here. I have connected to a DV organization to help me get back on my feet as I get through this adjustment and terrifying time. I just want words of encouragement or advice from anyone who has done any of this etc. I’m just trying to stay strong. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy friend just got away from an abusive ex, and they are having to pay 2,000 to break the lease. I think that is very messed up, is there any way to get out of that? They don’t want to press charges against their ex, but this person cut them with razors, left huge bruise marks, bite marks, and scars. I think charges should be pressed but I can’t convince him to, but if nothing else, I just don’t want my friend to have to pay $2,000 for his own safety. Does anyone have any advice? It is male violence, so no one is taking him seriously, but he is going through a lot right now and he showed me his injuries and they are really bad ###Assistant:Housing | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy friend just got away from an abusive ex, and they are having to pay 2,000 to break the lease. I think that is very messed up, is there any way to get out of that? They don’t want to press charges against their ex, but this person cut them with razors, left huge bruise marks, bite marks, and scars. I think charges should be pressed but I can’t convince him to, but if nothing else, I just don’t want my friend to have to pay $2,000 for his own safety. Does anyone have any advice? It is male violence, so no one is taking him seriously, but he is going through a lot right now and he showed me his injuries and they are really bad [/INST] Housing </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content//TW : Abuse, Suicide, Romantic Abuse
I'm sorry if I make mistakes, English isn't my first language.
I created this account to remain anonymous (I have a main one) and I will only use it to post my story.
I am reaching out because of something a close individual of mine has been going through for too long. Let's call her H (F22). I have a lot of contextual clues to give for the story to be clear since there is a lot to say, I'm sorry about that and hope that it won't dissuade you from reading my story. First of all, we live in a muslim country.
She (H) is married to my brother that we will call K (M28), and the couple currently lives with my mother and I, we will call my mom M (F60).
My brother K is bipolar. He is now near his thirties and has no diploma, he isn't willing to try to work because he is also narcissistic and tends to believe the situation he is in is other people's fault, he is very sensible and never keeps a job because he doesn't like to have a boss. In the meanwhile, he isn't studying and relies completely on my mother M. He takes a medical treatment to stay "stable" : when he refuses to take his medication, he becomes even more toxic and it mostly falls on H's shoulders who has to take care of him while I'm at school and my mother at work. Even while "stable", he doesn't let his wife (H) work because he doesn't want other men to see her and since he stays at home all day he feels lonely without her and starts saying that he married her to get cured.
So, I will start by saying how my brother K got married with H.
DISCLAIMER : Being depressed or bipolar doesn't make anyone a bad person, and they are not the core of the problem we have with him. I am aware that how he acts is mostly part of how his personality/how he was raised by my mother M.
My brother K has always been hard to manage. Because of his narcissism, he expects special treatment from us (aka have any console he wants per example) and even if he receives it, it is never enough to him and keeps asking for more. Since I can remember (I am almost 17 and him 28) he always talked about how having a romantic relationship would cure him from his depression/bipolar disorder. While he had a few ones (with no marriage) that didn't end well, he absolutely wanted to get married so that it would settle the person with him. So my mother and my father had the idea to marry my brother K to a "docile girl" who would come from an underprivileged and religious environment, meaning that if she ever wanted to divorce the social backlash that would come from it would dissuade her. That girl ended up to be H, 20 at the time. After 2 weeks of knowing each other, of my mother making promises (that she would never lack anything would it be education or material things, that she would send them abroad after they finish their studies...), my brother assuring her that his illness is simple depression, they got engaged and the marriage papers were quickly signed.
My father was the one who was planning to pay for everything.
He died a week after they got married.
H got backlash from my own family that is pretty religious. They would say that she brings bad luck and all sorts of stupid superstitious shit. And it only went downhill from there.
My father didn't leave anything in anyone's name. In this country, heritage is distributed as written in the quran, meaning that pretty much everyone in the family gets their share with a lot of inequalities there and there (I myself being a female got half of what each of my brothers got). H then got nothing she was promised. Everything went downhill from there.
A few months later, my brother had a manic crisis. He would mistreat her, abuse her verbally and be very controlling of her, not letting her go study or work for herself. My mother M (who would also abuse her by threatening or "reminding her of her place") not wanting to deal with it anymore, found a way to rant a house for them both. Long story short, when H told M of how she would be treated (broken glass, chairs and tables being violently thrown around, how he would verbally put her down...), M didn't want to hear any of it and told H that it was her own decision to marry K. I still remember that day I was away, she called at night crying telling me that K went out at the beach and left her home after breaking a bunch of stuff. She was trying to kill herself by taking my brother's medication, and she wanted to tell me that she was grateful I stood up to defend her. She told me not to tell anyone about her tentative, but she thankfully also contacted her sisters that came on time to save her by getting her in the nearest hospital.
The doctors told us that if she got there a bit later than that, she would've been dead. Mom threw a fit and tried to hit H when visiting her, saying that H did all that to ruin her reputation and make her lose money (there isn't free healthcare in there). This all happened a year ago, and even if the abuse is still going on, H tries to endure it because she has nowhere else to go since her family isn't great either.
I post this story in hope of maybe finding associations or anything really that could help her get out of here. She can't work because of K and spends most of her days at home.
Thank you to anyone who read this far, I am truly grateful.
NOTE ASIDE : This isn't about me, so this is just a note aside if anyone would like to help me by making me aware of options to leave this family. I am almost 17 and will still be a minor when I'll get out of highschool. This whole story also had an impact on me, and I wish to leave this family ASAP. I'm trying to get a scholarship by having a good grade in my highschool diploma (idk if it's the right word, it's called BAC here). This is just to ask if anyone knows any options that could work for me. ###Assistant:Safety planning | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content//TW : Abuse, Suicide, Romantic Abuse
I'm sorry if I make mistakes, English isn't my first language.
I created this account to remain anonymous (I have a main one) and I will only use it to post my story.
I am reaching out because of something a close individual of mine has been going through for too long. Let's call her H (F22). I have a lot of contextual clues to give for the story to be clear since there is a lot to say, I'm sorry about that and hope that it won't dissuade you from reading my story. First of all, we live in a muslim country.
She (H) is married to my brother that we will call K (M28), and the couple currently lives with my mother and I, we will call my mom M (F60).
My brother K is bipolar. He is now near his thirties and has no diploma, he isn't willing to try to work because he is also narcissistic and tends to believe the situation he is in is other people's fault, he is very sensible and never keeps a job because he doesn't like to have a boss. In the meanwhile, he isn't studying and relies completely on my mother M. He takes a medical treatment to stay "stable" : when he refuses to take his medication, he becomes even more toxic and it mostly falls on H's shoulders who has to take care of him while I'm at school and my mother at work. Even while "stable", he doesn't let his wife (H) work because he doesn't want other men to see her and since he stays at home all day he feels lonely without her and starts saying that he married her to get cured.
So, I will start by saying how my brother K got married with H.
DISCLAIMER : Being depressed or bipolar doesn't make anyone a bad person, and they are not the core of the problem we have with him. I am aware that how he acts is mostly part of how his personality/how he was raised by my mother M.
My brother K has always been hard to manage. Because of his narcissism, he expects special treatment from us (aka have any console he wants per example) and even if he receives it, it is never enough to him and keeps asking for more. Since I can remember (I am almost 17 and him 28) he always talked about how having a romantic relationship would cure him from his depression/bipolar disorder. While he had a few ones (with no marriage) that didn't end well, he absolutely wanted to get married so that it would settle the person with him. So my mother and my father had the idea to marry my brother K to a "docile girl" who would come from an underprivileged and religious environment, meaning that if she ever wanted to divorce the social backlash that would come from it would dissuade her. That girl ended up to be H, 20 at the time. After 2 weeks of knowing each other, of my mother making promises (that she would never lack anything would it be education or material things, that she would send them abroad after they finish their studies...), my brother assuring her that his illness is simple depression, they got engaged and the marriage papers were quickly signed.
My father was the one who was planning to pay for everything.
He died a week after they got married.
H got backlash from my own family that is pretty religious. They would say that she brings bad luck and all sorts of stupid superstitious shit. And it only went downhill from there.
My father didn't leave anything in anyone's name. In this country, heritage is distributed as written in the quran, meaning that pretty much everyone in the family gets their share with a lot of inequalities there and there (I myself being a female got half of what each of my brothers got). H then got nothing she was promised. Everything went downhill from there.
A few months later, my brother had a manic crisis. He would mistreat her, abuse her verbally and be very controlling of her, not letting her go study or work for herself. My mother M (who would also abuse her by threatening or "reminding her of her place") not wanting to deal with it anymore, found a way to rant a house for them both. Long story short, when H told M of how she would be treated (broken glass, chairs and tables being violently thrown around, how he would verbally put her down...), M didn't want to hear any of it and told H that it was her own decision to marry K. I still remember that day I was away, she called at night crying telling me that K went out at the beach and left her home after breaking a bunch of stuff. She was trying to kill herself by taking my brother's medication, and she wanted to tell me that she was grateful I stood up to defend her. She told me not to tell anyone about her tentative, but she thankfully also contacted her sisters that came on time to save her by getting her in the nearest hospital.
The doctors told us that if she got there a bit later than that, she would've been dead. Mom threw a fit and tried to hit H when visiting her, saying that H did all that to ruin her reputation and make her lose money (there isn't free healthcare in there). This all happened a year ago, and even if the abuse is still going on, H tries to endure it because she has nowhere else to go since her family isn't great either.
I post this story in hope of maybe finding associations or anything really that could help her get out of here. She can't work because of K and spends most of her days at home.
Thank you to anyone who read this far, I am truly grateful.
NOTE ASIDE : This isn't about me, so this is just a note aside if anyone would like to help me by making me aware of options to leave this family. I am almost 17 and will still be a minor when I'll get out of highschool. This whole story also had an impact on me, and I wish to leave this family ASAP. I'm trying to get a scholarship by having a good grade in my highschool diploma (idk if it's the right word, it's called BAC here). This is just to ask if anyone knows any options that could work for me. [/INST] Safety planning </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy wife swung a full tea kettle at my head multiple times. In my mind that is enough. We've been together for 12 years and have had our share of arguments, shouting matches and days-long separations, but nothing like this. The deeper issue, I feel, is exemplified by the fact that I had to leave and figure out somewhere to stay. It's been 4 days now and I just slept in a friend's garage. Tried staying with another, my only other real, friend but he came down with covid. I'm lost and angry and as sad as I've ever been even after a lifelong battle with depression. I can caveat all this with; when she started yelling at me for being distant I was calm but not nice, but that doesn't come close to rationalizing the outcome. I can also add that since the birth of our son she has experienced increasingly more severe PMDD episodes, which always lead to her yelling at me. I have tried to be understanding but other than getting on Prozac (which helped a little for a while) she has made next to no effort to mitigate these episodes, maybe 5 therapy visits and another prescription that she only took one day.
It hurts to think of leaving. It hurts to think that she'll probably blame me. I'm certain that mental work has already started based on the article she sent me "help, my husband made me so mad that I hit him," which never even addresses the hitting part. And our kids are better off with me in my house, at least right now, but I feel powerless to change the situation.
He have an appointment with a marriage counselor and I can't bring myself to even talk to her till then, but that's a week away.
I just don't know what to do.
Tl;Dr
Wife tried to bash my head in and kicked me out of the house. Pretty sure she thinks it's my fault ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy wife swung a full tea kettle at my head multiple times. In my mind that is enough. We've been together for 12 years and have had our share of arguments, shouting matches and days-long separations, but nothing like this. The deeper issue, I feel, is exemplified by the fact that I had to leave and figure out somewhere to stay. It's been 4 days now and I just slept in a friend's garage. Tried staying with another, my only other real, friend but he came down with covid. I'm lost and angry and as sad as I've ever been even after a lifelong battle with depression. I can caveat all this with; when she started yelling at me for being distant I was calm but not nice, but that doesn't come close to rationalizing the outcome. I can also add that since the birth of our son she has experienced increasingly more severe PMDD episodes, which always lead to her yelling at me. I have tried to be understanding but other than getting on Prozac (which helped a little for a while) she has made next to no effort to mitigate these episodes, maybe 5 therapy visits and another prescription that she only took one day.
It hurts to think of leaving. It hurts to think that she'll probably blame me. I'm certain that mental work has already started based on the article she sent me "help, my husband made me so mad that I hit him," which never even addresses the hitting part. And our kids are better off with me in my house, at least right now, but I feel powerless to change the situation.
He have an appointment with a marriage counselor and I can't bring myself to even talk to her till then, but that's a week away.
I just don't know what to do.
Tl;Dr
Wife tried to bash my head in and kicked me out of the house. Pretty sure she thinks it's my fault [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy father is a bully.. He hit my mother and me daily.. Actually iam really afraid of him so i dont talk to him like a father and daughter. He blames us for his rude behaviour. He has destroyed all my self confidence. Now he is saying that he wont pay for my tuition fees because my way of asking is wrong what should i do ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy father is a bully.. He hit my mother and me daily.. Actually iam really afraid of him so i dont talk to him like a father and daughter. He blames us for his rude behaviour. He has destroyed all my self confidence. Now he is saying that he wont pay for my tuition fees because my way of asking is wrong what should i do [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHe just attacked me. He tried to rape me and the shoved me multiple times, grabbed my face, pushed me to the floor all while verbally assaulting me. I tried to push him out of my room so I could lock the door and he poured water all over my bed and tried to smash my phone.
All this because he says I don't sexually satisfy him often enough.
I'm hiding in my room with the door locked, and I'm terrified. I just want him to leave so badly. I hate him.
I don't know what to do next. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHe just attacked me. He tried to rape me and the shoved me multiple times, grabbed my face, pushed me to the floor all while verbally assaulting me. I tried to push him out of my room so I could lock the door and he poured water all over my bed and tried to smash my phone.
All this because he says I don't sexually satisfy him often enough.
I'm hiding in my room with the door locked, and I'm terrified. I just want him to leave so badly. I hate him.
I don't know what to do next. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi! Has anybody else experienced losing common friends being the victim of DV? It‘s kinda weird to me, everytime I open up about how I feel people start going against me and want nothing to do with me anymore. On the other hand, they still hang out with my abuser and are friends like nothing happened.
Is this normal?? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi! Has anybody else experienced losing common friends being the victim of DV? It‘s kinda weird to me, everytime I open up about how I feel people start going against me and want nothing to do with me anymore. On the other hand, they still hang out with my abuser and are friends like nothing happened.
Is this normal?? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm having a little bit of a freak out moment right now. My emotional abuser (with some physical and sexual elements, although less extreme than the emotional piece) is moving on with someone else. I've known about it for awhile but it seems to be getting more serious. I know he abused me but I'm so upset. I miss him and it hurts me to imagine him being physically and emotionally intimate with someone else, even though he cheated on me when we were together anyway. Idk I'm just feeling a lot of negative things. The girl seems really cool and sweet too. Someone I'd enjoy hanging out with irl and I can imagine them getting along well. I'm struggling to validate my own reality that it was even abuse, much less handle this as an extra update about the situation. One second I feel like I'm glad to be rid of him, the next I'm hurt and insanely jealous of his new girlfriend, wondering what she has that I don't.
I guess I just want to vent and hear if anybody else relates. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm having a little bit of a freak out moment right now. My emotional abuser (with some physical and sexual elements, although less extreme than the emotional piece) is moving on with someone else. I've known about it for awhile but it seems to be getting more serious. I know he abused me but I'm so upset. I miss him and it hurts me to imagine him being physically and emotionally intimate with someone else, even though he cheated on me when we were together anyway. Idk I'm just feeling a lot of negative things. The girl seems really cool and sweet too. Someone I'd enjoy hanging out with irl and I can imagine them getting along well. I'm struggling to validate my own reality that it was even abuse, much less handle this as an extra update about the situation. One second I feel like I'm glad to be rid of him, the next I'm hurt and insanely jealous of his new girlfriend, wondering what she has that I don't.
I guess I just want to vent and hear if anybody else relates. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt's done, I've signed the paperwork for a new place, there's no going back, and I'm freaking out. I'm actually doing this. The anxiety and guilt are nearly overwhelming. How will partner get her medications? Get to doctor's appointments? Get food? Do anything?
Just keep telling myself she's an adult and not my responsibility. Not my responsibility. Not my responsibility.
What about the pets? I'm prepared to leave everything I have except them. But what's best for them? They're going to be upset either way; they love partner, they love me, they're going to be really upset without both of us around. Partner would never, ever hurt them, and will be destroyed if I take them. I do a lot of the work taking care of them: feed them, clean the litter box, take the dog out, clip nails, baths, but I know partner will step up to do the things. And honestly, I think they might like her a little more than me. They're used to me leaving the house, partner is almost always with them. But I do worry about her ability to provide for them, with no job and possibly no place to live. And, again, she'll be devastated, might even make trouble for me over them.
I know this is the fear/obligation/guilt I've been programmed to feel, but damn it's strong. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt's done, I've signed the paperwork for a new place, there's no going back, and I'm freaking out. I'm actually doing this. The anxiety and guilt are nearly overwhelming. How will partner get her medications? Get to doctor's appointments? Get food? Do anything?
Just keep telling myself she's an adult and not my responsibility. Not my responsibility. Not my responsibility.
What about the pets? I'm prepared to leave everything I have except them. But what's best for them? They're going to be upset either way; they love partner, they love me, they're going to be really upset without both of us around. Partner would never, ever hurt them, and will be destroyed if I take them. I do a lot of the work taking care of them: feed them, clean the litter box, take the dog out, clip nails, baths, but I know partner will step up to do the things. And honestly, I think they might like her a little more than me. They're used to me leaving the house, partner is almost always with them. But I do worry about her ability to provide for them, with no job and possibly no place to live. And, again, she'll be devastated, might even make trouble for me over them.
I know this is the fear/obligation/guilt I've been programmed to feel, but damn it's strong. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am a 32 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. He lost his job of ten years 3 years ago and hasn’t been the same. He’s bounced from jobs and was unemployed before the pandemic hit.
There was verbal abuse from the get go about 6/7 months into the relationship, that I did not recognize because I am a recently medicated bi polar woman. Everytime the abuse happened I had felt it was my fault because I was erratic emotionally. (But more sad or just energized) and it was hard to comprehend all of my thoughts.
Early in the relationship the first scary fight we had he kept screaming and getting spit in my face, cornering me in the room, not leaving me alone when I asked, Calling me a whore, and would not go away from me while I pleaded. and I hit him off of me. This was after our engagement party which was such a fun time.
I had felt so horrible and awful and abusive. Since then he calls any reaction to him abuse. And it has left me feeling like a monster, getting help, therapy, medicines, groups, meditating.
For years now the cornering, chasing me, yelling at me, barraging me, yelling with spit flying at my face, trying to bust down the door of whatever room I am in, wrecking a room of the home.. has continued. I constantly fear more serious damage will happen, and when I was unmedicated I thought about killing myself everytime we would fight. And I have not one time touched him since that one time. I have practiced so much new knowledge hoping something would change it.
I had considered myself the cause of this, the abuser because of the one time I hit him to get off of me.
Over the summer I got successfully medicated for the first time in my life. And thinking clearly is very easy now.
After some sessions with my therapist she told me he is being abusive. And she said it makes sense that I was trying to push hit away someone who is screaming at me while I plead to be left alone.
In every fight we get into, I end up just saying I want to be left alone over and over and over. And it gets intense until I run away to a room and lock the door. And sometimes that doesn’t work and he bangs on the door and mocks me for crying.
Sometimes the banging outside of the door harassment does not stop until I threaten to call cops, or call my parents and they drive an hour to pick me up.
I have tried so many self improvement tactics hoping that if only I could do something different it would change.
He is more soft spoken then me, has a more delicate frame than me. We are the same height but I’d definitely say people assume I am alpha in this situation. He never leaves my side. Doesn’t have friends outside of mine. And does not make plans for himself. He doesn’t make appointments for himself. Decide he needs a haircut. Floss his Mf teeth. I feel like I’ve had a bug on me honestly. Oh! And “I never give him enough affection... “
And wow. I have really been supportive during all of these transitions and taken on more bills. And never pressured him. Been patient in his job changes. I had continued to have sex with him regularly, made efforts to be sweeter. Tried to be so kind While working and cooking and taking care of us.
But with all of this constant fighting every morning every night and then going to work and coming home to someone who clings to me and then yells at me... I feel so unappreciated, and not seen.
I have been so alone in this. I had constantly thought I was abusive and deserved this.
This entire time I have tried to make sense and try and out logic the fighting, and I’ve finally realized it’s him.
He has not once done anything to account for the yelling or breaking things or chasing me. He apologizes only if he is caught by my parents picking me up. But whatever the fight that started it was always gets brought back up in the next fight. “Oh call the police again you love pigs” (I don’t you just made me feel so unsafe I thought you would hurt me)
I love him and our nice times. It’s not all bad. But none of that changes things. And the good times don’t make sense of the clingy ness.. and the mothering and the amount of caretaker he wants me to be for him .. this yelling / chasing/ forcing me from my home is abuse. And I will not take it.
Our final fight happened and again my family picked me up. I talked to my therapist and we made a list of rules for me to return to the home for two days so I could be close to work. The rules are no talking about emotional things, just strictly house hold necessities. Sleeping in separate rooms. He agreed to them. I’m going to leave again for holidays and come back for work. And asked him to leave the apartment for a week or so, so I have time to think about all of this.
I have my cats (children) here and this is a beautiful apartment I worked hard for. I want him to leave (no job) and I want a divorce. I think we are beyond marriage counseling because he’s never recognized that he has ever been a part of the problem here.
He drinks I say something (a n y thing) and it becomes a full on blow out.
I would like to tell him I want him to leave with a mediator here.
So I was thinking a few weeks would be enough time for me to decide exactly what I need and not hastily.
I would like to separate apartments, and begin divorce process. I know he doesn’t want this. But he is unwilling to change. And I don’t want this anymore. I’ve been dealing with this for five years and I’m done. I would rather be alone.
Any advice? Related experience? Words of encouragement? Anything. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am a 32 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. He lost his job of ten years 3 years ago and hasn’t been the same. He’s bounced from jobs and was unemployed before the pandemic hit.
There was verbal abuse from the get go about 6/7 months into the relationship, that I did not recognize because I am a recently medicated bi polar woman. Everytime the abuse happened I had felt it was my fault because I was erratic emotionally. (But more sad or just energized) and it was hard to comprehend all of my thoughts.
Early in the relationship the first scary fight we had he kept screaming and getting spit in my face, cornering me in the room, not leaving me alone when I asked, Calling me a whore, and would not go away from me while I pleaded. and I hit him off of me. This was after our engagement party which was such a fun time.
I had felt so horrible and awful and abusive. Since then he calls any reaction to him abuse. And it has left me feeling like a monster, getting help, therapy, medicines, groups, meditating.
For years now the cornering, chasing me, yelling at me, barraging me, yelling with spit flying at my face, trying to bust down the door of whatever room I am in, wrecking a room of the home.. has continued. I constantly fear more serious damage will happen, and when I was unmedicated I thought about killing myself everytime we would fight. And I have not one time touched him since that one time. I have practiced so much new knowledge hoping something would change it.
I had considered myself the cause of this, the abuser because of the one time I hit him to get off of me.
Over the summer I got successfully medicated for the first time in my life. And thinking clearly is very easy now.
After some sessions with my therapist she told me he is being abusive. And she said it makes sense that I was trying to push hit away someone who is screaming at me while I plead to be left alone.
In every fight we get into, I end up just saying I want to be left alone over and over and over. And it gets intense until I run away to a room and lock the door. And sometimes that doesn’t work and he bangs on the door and mocks me for crying.
Sometimes the banging outside of the door harassment does not stop until I threaten to call cops, or call my parents and they drive an hour to pick me up.
I have tried so many self improvement tactics hoping that if only I could do something different it would change.
He is more soft spoken then me, has a more delicate frame than me. We are the same height but I’d definitely say people assume I am alpha in this situation. He never leaves my side. Doesn’t have friends outside of mine. And does not make plans for himself. He doesn’t make appointments for himself. Decide he needs a haircut. Floss his Mf teeth. I feel like I’ve had a bug on me honestly. Oh! And “I never give him enough affection... “
And wow. I have really been supportive during all of these transitions and taken on more bills. And never pressured him. Been patient in his job changes. I had continued to have sex with him regularly, made efforts to be sweeter. Tried to be so kind While working and cooking and taking care of us.
But with all of this constant fighting every morning every night and then going to work and coming home to someone who clings to me and then yells at me... I feel so unappreciated, and not seen.
I have been so alone in this. I had constantly thought I was abusive and deserved this.
This entire time I have tried to make sense and try and out logic the fighting, and I’ve finally realized it’s him.
He has not once done anything to account for the yelling or breaking things or chasing me. He apologizes only if he is caught by my parents picking me up. But whatever the fight that started it was always gets brought back up in the next fight. “Oh call the police again you love pigs” (I don’t you just made me feel so unsafe I thought you would hurt me)
I love him and our nice times. It’s not all bad. But none of that changes things. And the good times don’t make sense of the clingy ness.. and the mothering and the amount of caretaker he wants me to be for him .. this yelling / chasing/ forcing me from my home is abuse. And I will not take it.
Our final fight happened and again my family picked me up. I talked to my therapist and we made a list of rules for me to return to the home for two days so I could be close to work. The rules are no talking about emotional things, just strictly house hold necessities. Sleeping in separate rooms. He agreed to them. I’m going to leave again for holidays and come back for work. And asked him to leave the apartment for a week or so, so I have time to think about all of this.
I have my cats (children) here and this is a beautiful apartment I worked hard for. I want him to leave (no job) and I want a divorce. I think we are beyond marriage counseling because he’s never recognized that he has ever been a part of the problem here.
He drinks I say something (a n y thing) and it becomes a full on blow out.
I would like to tell him I want him to leave with a mediator here.
So I was thinking a few weeks would be enough time for me to decide exactly what I need and not hastily.
I would like to separate apartments, and begin divorce process. I know he doesn’t want this. But he is unwilling to change. And I don’t want this anymore. I’ve been dealing with this for five years and I’m done. I would rather be alone.
Any advice? Related experience? Words of encouragement? Anything. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI did everything right. I reported my abuser almost every time he hurt me. Everyone always asks why victims don’t report their abuser. This is why.
My husband is now facing prison time with 2 felonies and a misdemeanor. I should be happy right? I’m free of him? What people don’t see is that now I am alone to take care of a newborn baby. I can’t do this alone. I lock myself in the bathroom every night while he cries himself to sleep. And what about the financial aspect? I can’t support myself and my child. I have resorted to selling pics and videos and basically prostituting myself out to have money for rent. I feel so alone. My friends and family are gone, my abuser pushed them away long ago. It’s just me and my baby. There’s so much more than just reporting someone and thinking your problems will just go away. Please if anyone has any advice or maybe has been here before. I’m hurting. Contemplating adoption. I just want to disappear. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI did everything right. I reported my abuser almost every time he hurt me. Everyone always asks why victims don’t report their abuser. This is why.
My husband is now facing prison time with 2 felonies and a misdemeanor. I should be happy right? I’m free of him? What people don’t see is that now I am alone to take care of a newborn baby. I can’t do this alone. I lock myself in the bathroom every night while he cries himself to sleep. And what about the financial aspect? I can’t support myself and my child. I have resorted to selling pics and videos and basically prostituting myself out to have money for rent. I feel so alone. My friends and family are gone, my abuser pushed them away long ago. It’s just me and my baby. There’s so much more than just reporting someone and thinking your problems will just go away. Please if anyone has any advice or maybe has been here before. I’m hurting. Contemplating adoption. I just want to disappear. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI've been in a physically abusive relationships before, but I thought this was the one. He seemed emotionally stable, safe, and mature-at first. I feel a bit wimpy posting here because I haven't really been physically hurt.
The only way to keep him happy is to just smile and nod and say the right things at the right time. If I don't get a reference, disagree with his humor or politics, I'm stupid or deliberately upsetting him.
When I bring up issues that are important to me/hurting me, he interrupts, turns it into how I'm saying something entirely different, and how I'm abusive and gaslighting and don't care about his feelings. He won't give me space if we're arguing, but will break things and storm off when it suits him.
It has been escalating the last month, now he will punch his own face, cracks jokes about me being abusive, threatens to take my car and drive off a bridge, or threatens to shoot himself if I don't shut up when he wants, say something he doesn't like, try to break up, don't agree with him (after I moved in, he began saying demeaning things about race, women, and lgbtq+. He says I just don't understand his humor). When I get fed up of being cornered and demeaned and talk back he gets mopey and sad that i don't care about him and blames his behavior all on his own ptsd, anxiety, and depression. He won't go get help, either.
Recently, I was crying, begging him to just let me leave. He said I could go and then said he'll just shoot himself since he's such a POS and went to get his gun (blocking my exit). He hasn't physically hurt me but he is sure to show how angry he is by grinding his teeth, clenching and balling his fists, popping his knuckles, hitting/throwing/breaking things, etc.
He's made several comments in the last month about how easy it would be to break my neck, hands, and wrists with one hand, how he could crush my skull in one hand etc randomly, like when hugging me and squeezing until my back cracks and I can't breath and saying how easy it would be to just keep squeezing.
He jokingly started smothering me with a pillow two weeks ago but stopped when I told him to and said he could have kept going if he wanted to. He hurt me during sex the last time but he seemed genuinely concerned about the amount of blood, so I'm not sure if he meant to hurt me. The remorse/caring was gone pretty soon after though, and I hurt from it still. He may have just been grossed out by my blood rather than concerned.
I used to be sure he would never hurt me. It feels like he is spiraling out of control and is unpredictable. I don't feel safe anymore.
I can't sneak much out because he never leaves and he has a photographic memory.
I'm trying to plan my escape, and debating leaving furniture here because of my discomfort/uncertainty about what he will do. Maybe I am too sensitive, but I want out.
This week my plan is to get my paperwork and money, toiletries, and some clothing out (going to donate a bunch and use that excuse).
If I try to get my home goods, I am considering hiring some big dudes with moving company, time it tight and get his guns when he's in the bathroom or sleeping and empty them, put the bullets in a bag and hide them, and block his gun safe, ammo, and knives with as much crap as possible (idk the code, he has many guns), and plan on getting my stuff out within 30-45 minutes.
I could call PD for an escort, I think, but idk if that's making too much of a scene (since he has only injured himself and inanimate objects so far), it might just make things worse. At this point, I believe he'd go suicide by cop when wound up.
Luckily, there are no children or pets involved, I am gainfully employed and can sleep at a few different friend's places until I get my own place.
Does anyone have tips for the actual move out process when the man never leaves and has lots of weapons? I would like to try to avoid his suicide or self harm. ###Assistant:Safety planning | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI've been in a physically abusive relationships before, but I thought this was the one. He seemed emotionally stable, safe, and mature-at first. I feel a bit wimpy posting here because I haven't really been physically hurt.
The only way to keep him happy is to just smile and nod and say the right things at the right time. If I don't get a reference, disagree with his humor or politics, I'm stupid or deliberately upsetting him.
When I bring up issues that are important to me/hurting me, he interrupts, turns it into how I'm saying something entirely different, and how I'm abusive and gaslighting and don't care about his feelings. He won't give me space if we're arguing, but will break things and storm off when it suits him.
It has been escalating the last month, now he will punch his own face, cracks jokes about me being abusive, threatens to take my car and drive off a bridge, or threatens to shoot himself if I don't shut up when he wants, say something he doesn't like, try to break up, don't agree with him (after I moved in, he began saying demeaning things about race, women, and lgbtq+. He says I just don't understand his humor). When I get fed up of being cornered and demeaned and talk back he gets mopey and sad that i don't care about him and blames his behavior all on his own ptsd, anxiety, and depression. He won't go get help, either.
Recently, I was crying, begging him to just let me leave. He said I could go and then said he'll just shoot himself since he's such a POS and went to get his gun (blocking my exit). He hasn't physically hurt me but he is sure to show how angry he is by grinding his teeth, clenching and balling his fists, popping his knuckles, hitting/throwing/breaking things, etc.
He's made several comments in the last month about how easy it would be to break my neck, hands, and wrists with one hand, how he could crush my skull in one hand etc randomly, like when hugging me and squeezing until my back cracks and I can't breath and saying how easy it would be to just keep squeezing.
He jokingly started smothering me with a pillow two weeks ago but stopped when I told him to and said he could have kept going if he wanted to. He hurt me during sex the last time but he seemed genuinely concerned about the amount of blood, so I'm not sure if he meant to hurt me. The remorse/caring was gone pretty soon after though, and I hurt from it still. He may have just been grossed out by my blood rather than concerned.
I used to be sure he would never hurt me. It feels like he is spiraling out of control and is unpredictable. I don't feel safe anymore.
I can't sneak much out because he never leaves and he has a photographic memory.
I'm trying to plan my escape, and debating leaving furniture here because of my discomfort/uncertainty about what he will do. Maybe I am too sensitive, but I want out.
This week my plan is to get my paperwork and money, toiletries, and some clothing out (going to donate a bunch and use that excuse).
If I try to get my home goods, I am considering hiring some big dudes with moving company, time it tight and get his guns when he's in the bathroom or sleeping and empty them, put the bullets in a bag and hide them, and block his gun safe, ammo, and knives with as much crap as possible (idk the code, he has many guns), and plan on getting my stuff out within 30-45 minutes.
I could call PD for an escort, I think, but idk if that's making too much of a scene (since he has only injured himself and inanimate objects so far), it might just make things worse. At this point, I believe he'd go suicide by cop when wound up.
Luckily, there are no children or pets involved, I am gainfully employed and can sleep at a few different friend's places until I get my own place.
Does anyone have tips for the actual move out process when the man never leaves and has lots of weapons? I would like to try to avoid his suicide or self harm. [/INST] Safety planning </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentPolice took pics of my black eye, bruised nose, scratched face, felt bump on back of head, I made a statement, went to urgent care to get checked and xrayed, contacted haven house for emergency TPO. Abuser is now texting and calling my sister saying they’re going to send me to jail too saying they had “scratches”. But I know they haven’t done any of the above things I mentioned and my sister went to the apartment to get stuff for me and saw their face and it was fine. Won’t they be able to see who the real victim is?? I’m scared to get in trouble too. When the police came the night it happened they “couldn’t identify the aggressor”. I didn’t do my statement that night and did after I went to the doctor. I’m not at the apartment anymore. They’re still there and I’m displaced. Shouldn’t it be obvious?? Thank you I’m advance. ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentPolice took pics of my black eye, bruised nose, scratched face, felt bump on back of head, I made a statement, went to urgent care to get checked and xrayed, contacted haven house for emergency TPO. Abuser is now texting and calling my sister saying they’re going to send me to jail too saying they had “scratches”. But I know they haven’t done any of the above things I mentioned and my sister went to the apartment to get stuff for me and saw their face and it was fine. Won’t they be able to see who the real victim is?? I’m scared to get in trouble too. When the police came the night it happened they “couldn’t identify the aggressor”. I didn’t do my statement that night and did after I went to the doctor. I’m not at the apartment anymore. They’re still there and I’m displaced. Shouldn’t it be obvious?? Thank you I’m advance. [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is my second time posting from this throwaway account. I don’t want these posts to come back on me later so I don’t post them from my true Reddit account. I posted last week about my relationship, and invite you to read that to get some context.
I’m unsure if I’m posting this in the right place, because he doesn’t hit me, and I don’t mean to undermine domestic violence victims, so I will apologize in advance if I mistakenly posted in the wrong place.
Basically, he’s been hiding my things from me to keep me from leaving but walks us into arguments that 1) make me want to leave and 2) when I do leave for a day or so to avoid others hearing us argue, he uses that against me later and questions my commitment. It’s all a mental game that he plays.
I FINALLY found my other car key (he hid it 6 weeks ago). What ignited me to find it was when he put my other key in the washer with the sheets (I have been sleeping with my key under the pillow so he can’t take it in the middle of the night without waking me up) the key that he washed is fried and if I didn’t find the other I would be trapped.
I plan on working through the rest of the week and the weekend and departing for good Monday afternoon. Yes, we can keep the peace until then. I need the time here to make sure I have all my belongings out of the house and to create a coherent plan that allows me to leave without EVER having the urge to come back or answer his calls once I’m gone. He has a history of baiting me into coming back.
I guess what I’d like to know is, other than having as much cash as I can possibly gather, what else should I do before I go? I’ll have my clothes & important documents. Changing my phone number isn’t an option. But I’ll gladly block him.
Is there anything else I should have in order? Are there some goals I can set to make sure I avoid him for good? Is there any advice anybody could give me?
Thank you guys for reading through my rant and thank you for any help that can be provided for me. ###Assistant:Safety planning | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is my second time posting from this throwaway account. I don’t want these posts to come back on me later so I don’t post them from my true Reddit account. I posted last week about my relationship, and invite you to read that to get some context.
I’m unsure if I’m posting this in the right place, because he doesn’t hit me, and I don’t mean to undermine domestic violence victims, so I will apologize in advance if I mistakenly posted in the wrong place.
Basically, he’s been hiding my things from me to keep me from leaving but walks us into arguments that 1) make me want to leave and 2) when I do leave for a day or so to avoid others hearing us argue, he uses that against me later and questions my commitment. It’s all a mental game that he plays.
I FINALLY found my other car key (he hid it 6 weeks ago). What ignited me to find it was when he put my other key in the washer with the sheets (I have been sleeping with my key under the pillow so he can’t take it in the middle of the night without waking me up) the key that he washed is fried and if I didn’t find the other I would be trapped.
I plan on working through the rest of the week and the weekend and departing for good Monday afternoon. Yes, we can keep the peace until then. I need the time here to make sure I have all my belongings out of the house and to create a coherent plan that allows me to leave without EVER having the urge to come back or answer his calls once I’m gone. He has a history of baiting me into coming back.
I guess what I’d like to know is, other than having as much cash as I can possibly gather, what else should I do before I go? I’ll have my clothes & important documents. Changing my phone number isn’t an option. But I’ll gladly block him.
Is there anything else I should have in order? Are there some goals I can set to make sure I avoid him for good? Is there any advice anybody could give me?
Thank you guys for reading through my rant and thank you for any help that can be provided for me. [/INST] Safety planning </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m conflicted about reporting my sister’s situation to CPS, and I’d appreciate another perspective and advice on what to do next.
Background: my younger sister, Sarah*, has been with her husband, Jason*, for ~ 20 years. He is 10+ years older than she is, and she was a teenager when they met. Our family has never liked Jason, but we’ve tried to keep the peace for my sister and fear of alienating her. We saw the abusive behaviors starting to emerge when they were dating: poisoning her against us and isolating her from us and friends, control, etc. We knew it had to be her choice to leave him, so we tried to stay in her life as best we could.
In addition to the age gap when they met, Jason’s criminal history bothered us. In separate incidents, he had been convicted of possession of a firearm without a permit, disorderly conduct, furnishing alcohol to minors, and two separate incidents of assault (against two previous girlfriends). We didn’t know the extent of it when they married, but we did know about a felony kidnapping conviction (also an ex-girlfriend), for which he served time, and he said wasn’t his fault, and the whole world is against him — as usual. He’d also had dismissed charges of trespassing, disorderly conduct, burglary, and interference with a 911 call as part of the convictions above.
Shortly after they married, Sarah and Jason moved back to Jason’s hometown in another state, and they have three young children. I never visited them in all this time because Jason and I especially don’t get along, but my parents and other siblings made regular visits, and Sarah also started visiting my parents more, too, when she could with the kids, which might be once every 1-2 years. Jason has always been a deadbeat, never keeping steady employment in their entire relationship, while Sarah works two and three jobs to pay their bills. (He keeps up his delusions that he’s going to be a pro-league sports coach someday.) He is also an abusive father; between the physical abuse (which we only just now confirmed from the kids), the emotional abuse, and his toxic masculinity, he’s a grade A a-hole.
Now, the new story: last fall, my parents got a call in the middle of the night that Jason assaulted Sarah and their eldest child. (By assault, I mean nearly beat to death.) He was arrested and held in jail per their state’s statutes. Of course, my parents immediately went up there, and Sarah was finally ready to leave. (We had suspected physical abuse for a long time, but like most, she keeps secrets.) Because it was a domestic assault, CPS got involved and told her that if she went back to him, she would lose the children. Our family and friends all rallied, from taking care of all the legal stuff so she could leave the state before he was released, to installing security at my parents’ house before they returned, to getting the kids in school and therapy when she arrived, to even finding her a job when she was ready. They have been living with my parents since, who are also providing their primary financial support. With COVID and their trauma, it’s been a rough time, but we have been optimistic. She filed for divorce, and we were finally seeing some of our former sister return.
Jason was charged with two counts of assault and one for preventing a 911 call. When Jason was arraigned, the criminal court issued strict no contact orders. He immediately filed to have online visitation with their two younger children, which the court permitted with supervision. However, the court-appointed guardian ad litem petitioned to be removed from the case since the kids are out of state, and the court allowed Sarah to supervise the twice-weekly calls.
This is where things start to fall apart. He used those calls to basically talk to my sister, and the manipulation game began again. He started breaking the court orders in other ways, too: closing their bank accounts, changing passwords to online bills, and sending the kids gifts. He finally made a big production (via social media) about going to rehab, which we found to be some fake “poor me” camp, for a few weeks.
When he was discharged from there, things really started to escalate. Sarah started becoming even more secretive, and what little we did learn from what she shared about their divorce proceedings seemed like really, really bad advice. (We later found out via photos from an acquaintance that her divorce attorney was caught fraternizing with Jason at an event.) Jason was also calling and texting at all hours, and when we pressed her about the no contact orders, she said they filed to have them revised, and this was all authorized. We know it’s important to let DV survivors have control and not to issue ultimatums, so we took her at her word. Jason had gotten a job (for a few weeks, before he was fired) and was sending her money, which was a major issue in their marriage, and she said she was only interacting with him because of that. She also stopped the kids’ and her own therapy, which we hadn’t realized.
Big mistake. Our alarm bells started screaming when we found out Jason was coming to my parents’ town to visit the kids, and they would all be staying in a hotel. Sarah said this was all okay, but we smelled something rotten. We did our own research and called the court and attorneys in both states, and we learned the no-contact orders had NEVER been revised, and so he had been breaking them this entire time and Sarah was lying to us about it. By the time we confirmed all of this, he had left, and so our local CPS and police department said there was nothing they could do if he was no longer physically there since the case originated in another state. So we started documenting as much as we could and have been waiting these last few weeks.
However, this all came to a head these last few days. Sarah said she was taking the kids to see Jason and his parents in their hometown for spring break. We knew the no-contact orders prohibited this, so we finally confronted her with it the day before, and she LOST HER MIND, accusing of some some “agenda” and how we’re controlling her, etc. We know this is just his manipulation of her, so we didn’t engage in the fight she was starting, and she left mad with the kids. We hadn’t heard from her since.
We have been sick with worry the last few days about the kids and their safety, so I called their local CPS office and asked for a wellness check on the kids. They had the whole backstory already, and by the end of the day, they had notified police and had Jason arrested yesterday. He’s currently sitting in jail waiting to be arraigned, and the prosecutor let us know this will be in addition to the criminal charges already pending in the original incident from last year. He said Sarah was uncooperative, and he absolutely sees what’s happening re: Jason’s manipulation; he indicated that, if he has to, he’s prepared to put their eldest child on the stand to testify.
Sarah still has the kids for now (that we know of), although we’re expecting and prepared for CPS to remove them, at least temporarily. We’re worried they’re going to give them to HIS family, who have enabled Jason in everything, and we’ll never see them again. She is furious with us — especially me, since I called CPS — and says we’ll never talk to them again, we’re the ones who went around the system (not her), and all the textbook abuse-speak Jason has poured into her for 20 years. She also says we’re hypocrites for having a relationship with our parents. (Our dad had a drinking problem when we were growing up, and he’s been sober for almost 20 years. Our other siblings and I have also had a lot of therapy and conversations between us and with our parents, so we are in a much better place and have the relationships and boundaries with each other we need. And we’ve all worked damn hard to make sure we don’t repeat the cycle with our own spouses and kids. Sarah doesn’t see all of that because she’s lived in another state. She left, married this loser, and has been living in a dysfunctional family her entire life. She doesn’t know the difference.)
We know she’s humiliated, ashamed, angry, and terrified, so our family is still mostly unified and can handle what she’s throwing at us (not taking it personally). We see how she got to where she is, and we’re sad and still love her and would welcome her back with open arms when she’s ready to be done with him. But she’s not there, and we have NO IDEA what to do next. We don’t even know if she’s returning with the kids when school starts next week.
Were we right to call CPS? Should I have waited til the kids were back with my parents? We know we did the right things for the kids, but did we do the right thing for Sarah? WHAT DO WE DO NOW?!
TL;DR — I reported my sister to CPS, and they had her husband arrested and will be removing the kids from her care. We’re worried we’ll never see the kids or my sister again. What should we do?
Update: we have tried talking to the social worker at CPS today, and they won’t even tell us where Sarah or the kids are, who even has the kids, or if they’re okay, citing HIPPA. Is there anything else we can do? ###Assistant:Childbearing | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m conflicted about reporting my sister’s situation to CPS, and I’d appreciate another perspective and advice on what to do next.
Background: my younger sister, Sarah*, has been with her husband, Jason*, for ~ 20 years. He is 10+ years older than she is, and she was a teenager when they met. Our family has never liked Jason, but we’ve tried to keep the peace for my sister and fear of alienating her. We saw the abusive behaviors starting to emerge when they were dating: poisoning her against us and isolating her from us and friends, control, etc. We knew it had to be her choice to leave him, so we tried to stay in her life as best we could.
In addition to the age gap when they met, Jason’s criminal history bothered us. In separate incidents, he had been convicted of possession of a firearm without a permit, disorderly conduct, furnishing alcohol to minors, and two separate incidents of assault (against two previous girlfriends). We didn’t know the extent of it when they married, but we did know about a felony kidnapping conviction (also an ex-girlfriend), for which he served time, and he said wasn’t his fault, and the whole world is against him — as usual. He’d also had dismissed charges of trespassing, disorderly conduct, burglary, and interference with a 911 call as part of the convictions above.
Shortly after they married, Sarah and Jason moved back to Jason’s hometown in another state, and they have three young children. I never visited them in all this time because Jason and I especially don’t get along, but my parents and other siblings made regular visits, and Sarah also started visiting my parents more, too, when she could with the kids, which might be once every 1-2 years. Jason has always been a deadbeat, never keeping steady employment in their entire relationship, while Sarah works two and three jobs to pay their bills. (He keeps up his delusions that he’s going to be a pro-league sports coach someday.) He is also an abusive father; between the physical abuse (which we only just now confirmed from the kids), the emotional abuse, and his toxic masculinity, he’s a grade A a-hole.
Now, the new story: last fall, my parents got a call in the middle of the night that Jason assaulted Sarah and their eldest child. (By assault, I mean nearly beat to death.) He was arrested and held in jail per their state’s statutes. Of course, my parents immediately went up there, and Sarah was finally ready to leave. (We had suspected physical abuse for a long time, but like most, she keeps secrets.) Because it was a domestic assault, CPS got involved and told her that if she went back to him, she would lose the children. Our family and friends all rallied, from taking care of all the legal stuff so she could leave the state before he was released, to installing security at my parents’ house before they returned, to getting the kids in school and therapy when she arrived, to even finding her a job when she was ready. They have been living with my parents since, who are also providing their primary financial support. With COVID and their trauma, it’s been a rough time, but we have been optimistic. She filed for divorce, and we were finally seeing some of our former sister return.
Jason was charged with two counts of assault and one for preventing a 911 call. When Jason was arraigned, the criminal court issued strict no contact orders. He immediately filed to have online visitation with their two younger children, which the court permitted with supervision. However, the court-appointed guardian ad litem petitioned to be removed from the case since the kids are out of state, and the court allowed Sarah to supervise the twice-weekly calls.
This is where things start to fall apart. He used those calls to basically talk to my sister, and the manipulation game began again. He started breaking the court orders in other ways, too: closing their bank accounts, changing passwords to online bills, and sending the kids gifts. He finally made a big production (via social media) about going to rehab, which we found to be some fake “poor me” camp, for a few weeks.
When he was discharged from there, things really started to escalate. Sarah started becoming even more secretive, and what little we did learn from what she shared about their divorce proceedings seemed like really, really bad advice. (We later found out via photos from an acquaintance that her divorce attorney was caught fraternizing with Jason at an event.) Jason was also calling and texting at all hours, and when we pressed her about the no contact orders, she said they filed to have them revised, and this was all authorized. We know it’s important to let DV survivors have control and not to issue ultimatums, so we took her at her word. Jason had gotten a job (for a few weeks, before he was fired) and was sending her money, which was a major issue in their marriage, and she said she was only interacting with him because of that. She also stopped the kids’ and her own therapy, which we hadn’t realized.
Big mistake. Our alarm bells started screaming when we found out Jason was coming to my parents’ town to visit the kids, and they would all be staying in a hotel. Sarah said this was all okay, but we smelled something rotten. We did our own research and called the court and attorneys in both states, and we learned the no-contact orders had NEVER been revised, and so he had been breaking them this entire time and Sarah was lying to us about it. By the time we confirmed all of this, he had left, and so our local CPS and police department said there was nothing they could do if he was no longer physically there since the case originated in another state. So we started documenting as much as we could and have been waiting these last few weeks.
However, this all came to a head these last few days. Sarah said she was taking the kids to see Jason and his parents in their hometown for spring break. We knew the no-contact orders prohibited this, so we finally confronted her with it the day before, and she LOST HER MIND, accusing of some some “agenda” and how we’re controlling her, etc. We know this is just his manipulation of her, so we didn’t engage in the fight she was starting, and she left mad with the kids. We hadn’t heard from her since.
We have been sick with worry the last few days about the kids and their safety, so I called their local CPS office and asked for a wellness check on the kids. They had the whole backstory already, and by the end of the day, they had notified police and had Jason arrested yesterday. He’s currently sitting in jail waiting to be arraigned, and the prosecutor let us know this will be in addition to the criminal charges already pending in the original incident from last year. He said Sarah was uncooperative, and he absolutely sees what’s happening re: Jason’s manipulation; he indicated that, if he has to, he’s prepared to put their eldest child on the stand to testify.
Sarah still has the kids for now (that we know of), although we’re expecting and prepared for CPS to remove them, at least temporarily. We’re worried they’re going to give them to HIS family, who have enabled Jason in everything, and we’ll never see them again. She is furious with us — especially me, since I called CPS — and says we’ll never talk to them again, we’re the ones who went around the system (not her), and all the textbook abuse-speak Jason has poured into her for 20 years. She also says we’re hypocrites for having a relationship with our parents. (Our dad had a drinking problem when we were growing up, and he’s been sober for almost 20 years. Our other siblings and I have also had a lot of therapy and conversations between us and with our parents, so we are in a much better place and have the relationships and boundaries with each other we need. And we’ve all worked damn hard to make sure we don’t repeat the cycle with our own spouses and kids. Sarah doesn’t see all of that because she’s lived in another state. She left, married this loser, and has been living in a dysfunctional family her entire life. She doesn’t know the difference.)
We know she’s humiliated, ashamed, angry, and terrified, so our family is still mostly unified and can handle what she’s throwing at us (not taking it personally). We see how she got to where she is, and we’re sad and still love her and would welcome her back with open arms when she’s ready to be done with him. But she’s not there, and we have NO IDEA what to do next. We don’t even know if she’s returning with the kids when school starts next week.
Were we right to call CPS? Should I have waited til the kids were back with my parents? We know we did the right things for the kids, but did we do the right thing for Sarah? WHAT DO WE DO NOW?!
TL;DR — I reported my sister to CPS, and they had her husband arrested and will be removing the kids from her care. We’re worried we’ll never see the kids or my sister again. What should we do?
Update: we have tried talking to the social worker at CPS today, and they won’t even tell us where Sarah or the kids are, who even has the kids, or if they’re okay, citing HIPPA. Is there anything else we can do? [/INST] Childbearing </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have been estranged from my dad's side of the family for years. Due to generational trauma my mother isn't close to her family. I am now struggling with the relationship with my mother.
I am an only child. My mum is the only person really left in my life but I'm starting to realize she is a narcassist, emotionally unavailable and very invalidating of my PTSD suffered from my childhood and abusive relationships I have got in since.
I have become spiritual and am aware that my romantic relationships are repeating my childhood patterns but I'm ready to learn because I want children but right now I have poor mental health and am choosing unworthy potential father's. I want to be a good mother, even if that means accepting I can't. I'm hoping my healing will cause me to find true, authentic love and can create my own family one day.
I have amazing friends and an amazing career and have done well for myself despite the circumstances. My question to you is:
I know the relationship I have with my mum is bad for me but the feeling of having no family makes me feel in despair. I've literally got nowhere to turn, no safety net, no practical support in life changing circumstances.
My mum has supported me by letting me stay in her house for a year but bear in mind I've collected debt from leaving the home 10 years ago. I am now 28. I moved here when I felt suicidal after surviving a narcassistic relationship. She took me in but provided no emotional support, made me question if I was the problem and has even let my ex abuser in the house.
I have so much cognitive dissonance around this situation. However seeing my friends interact with their families and how things should look like in a loving dynamic I know I don't have that. I'm concerned if I leave everyone for good I will spiral info a pit of depression which I don't think I could survive again... Or I thrive and live my best life because I trust the universes plan? Please someone offer some advice on this difficult situation.
I'm aware we should cut toxic people out no matter who they are but practically/emotionally and financially this is hard for me. I don't want to bite my nose to spite my face! Any advice/words of wisdom is encouraged. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have been estranged from my dad's side of the family for years. Due to generational trauma my mother isn't close to her family. I am now struggling with the relationship with my mother.
I am an only child. My mum is the only person really left in my life but I'm starting to realize she is a narcassist, emotionally unavailable and very invalidating of my PTSD suffered from my childhood and abusive relationships I have got in since.
I have become spiritual and am aware that my romantic relationships are repeating my childhood patterns but I'm ready to learn because I want children but right now I have poor mental health and am choosing unworthy potential father's. I want to be a good mother, even if that means accepting I can't. I'm hoping my healing will cause me to find true, authentic love and can create my own family one day.
I have amazing friends and an amazing career and have done well for myself despite the circumstances. My question to you is:
I know the relationship I have with my mum is bad for me but the feeling of having no family makes me feel in despair. I've literally got nowhere to turn, no safety net, no practical support in life changing circumstances.
My mum has supported me by letting me stay in her house for a year but bear in mind I've collected debt from leaving the home 10 years ago. I am now 28. I moved here when I felt suicidal after surviving a narcassistic relationship. She took me in but provided no emotional support, made me question if I was the problem and has even let my ex abuser in the house.
I have so much cognitive dissonance around this situation. However seeing my friends interact with their families and how things should look like in a loving dynamic I know I don't have that. I'm concerned if I leave everyone for good I will spiral info a pit of depression which I don't think I could survive again... Or I thrive and live my best life because I trust the universes plan? Please someone offer some advice on this difficult situation.
I'm aware we should cut toxic people out no matter who they are but practically/emotionally and financially this is hard for me. I don't want to bite my nose to spite my face! Any advice/words of wisdom is encouraged. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy kids father and I got into a fight and I think he fractured my wrist. If I tell the nurse it was him what will happen? I think I’m just going to say I fell out of fear of cps. Even though I don’t live with him ###Assistant:Childbearing | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy kids father and I got into a fight and I think he fractured my wrist. If I tell the nurse it was him what will happen? I think I’m just going to say I fell out of fear of cps. Even though I don’t live with him [/INST] Childbearing </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentYesterday my abuser from 15+ years ago died of cancer at the age of 40. Both he and I were well known musicians in our small city. Now the community is grieving his loss. I am grieving alone.
I have known he was dying for months and have been struggling to come to terms with what this means to me. Over the past few weeks, I finally told some of my close friends who knew him how he used to berate me, telling I was going to die a “poor black b\*\*\*\* on welfare” and I was at terrible musician who was jealous of his musical superiority. Recently as I have remembered him, I have had to relive in my memories how he broke into my house, forced himself upon me, put me in the head lock in public, stalked me at work, terrorized me over the phone.
I eventually prosecuted him for stalking and got a restraining order. He changed his plea to guilty after I produced recordings of voicemails he was sending hourly that oscillated between “I love you baby I can’t live without you… I’m killing myself” to “you f\*\*\*\*’ fat, crazy, dumb, whore…I am ashamed I was ever with you…” I got to choose between sentencing him to jail or batterers intervention classes. I chose the classes because I still wanted to believe he could change. His probation officer would call me every month for years to make sure he was leaving me alone.
I am ashamed to admit that, in a misguided attempt to find closure, years after his probation ended we drunkenly hooked up a few times and no violence occurred. Perhaps the dynamics changed because by that time I was much older, I had earned a degree, and was a somewhat accomplished musician and not an impoverished welfare queen as he predicted. Maybe he changed? Maybe he thought I had forgiven him then? However, I still did not trust him and I still could not forget. He then got married and we both moved away. I have now not seen or responded to him 5 years, although until about a year ago, he had had still been finding me on any obscure website I’d sign up for and send me messages like “you know you want this white d\*\*\*?” I’d ignore and block.
I was in my 20’s then and I am in my 40’s now. I have come to believe that closure is a myth that only benefits abusers. Since we both moved back to town about 2 years ago, I promised myself that I would not EVER let anyone who EVER treated ANYONE that way have access to me. After I heard the news this summer, I was at a loss of what to do. The only thing I could think to do was unblock him on Facebook. Soon thereafter, predictably, he sent me a friend request. I ldid not accept it for months until I heard he was in the end stages. I finally drunkenly wrote that I genuinely always loved him and I wished him peace.
Now I am mostly numb. The only thing I have been able to strongly feel is an occasional burst of anger when I remind myself that I DO NOT FORGIVE HIM. I am angry that I must live with these memories and the psychological damage they have done for the rest of my life. I am angry that I have to watch my community grieve in silence for a man they did not really know. But yet, I still consider him one of the most intense and passionate loves of my life. If am to do the emotional labor of forgiveness; I will do it in my own time. At least now, if I do forgive him, there is no threat of him ever hurting me again.
Thanks for listening I have no one to talk to. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentYesterday my abuser from 15+ years ago died of cancer at the age of 40. Both he and I were well known musicians in our small city. Now the community is grieving his loss. I am grieving alone.
I have known he was dying for months and have been struggling to come to terms with what this means to me. Over the past few weeks, I finally told some of my close friends who knew him how he used to berate me, telling I was going to die a “poor black b\*\*\*\* on welfare” and I was at terrible musician who was jealous of his musical superiority. Recently as I have remembered him, I have had to relive in my memories how he broke into my house, forced himself upon me, put me in the head lock in public, stalked me at work, terrorized me over the phone.
I eventually prosecuted him for stalking and got a restraining order. He changed his plea to guilty after I produced recordings of voicemails he was sending hourly that oscillated between “I love you baby I can’t live without you… I’m killing myself” to “you f\*\*\*\*’ fat, crazy, dumb, whore…I am ashamed I was ever with you…” I got to choose between sentencing him to jail or batterers intervention classes. I chose the classes because I still wanted to believe he could change. His probation officer would call me every month for years to make sure he was leaving me alone.
I am ashamed to admit that, in a misguided attempt to find closure, years after his probation ended we drunkenly hooked up a few times and no violence occurred. Perhaps the dynamics changed because by that time I was much older, I had earned a degree, and was a somewhat accomplished musician and not an impoverished welfare queen as he predicted. Maybe he changed? Maybe he thought I had forgiven him then? However, I still did not trust him and I still could not forget. He then got married and we both moved away. I have now not seen or responded to him 5 years, although until about a year ago, he had had still been finding me on any obscure website I’d sign up for and send me messages like “you know you want this white d\*\*\*?” I’d ignore and block.
I was in my 20’s then and I am in my 40’s now. I have come to believe that closure is a myth that only benefits abusers. Since we both moved back to town about 2 years ago, I promised myself that I would not EVER let anyone who EVER treated ANYONE that way have access to me. After I heard the news this summer, I was at a loss of what to do. The only thing I could think to do was unblock him on Facebook. Soon thereafter, predictably, he sent me a friend request. I ldid not accept it for months until I heard he was in the end stages. I finally drunkenly wrote that I genuinely always loved him and I wished him peace.
Now I am mostly numb. The only thing I have been able to strongly feel is an occasional burst of anger when I remind myself that I DO NOT FORGIVE HIM. I am angry that I must live with these memories and the psychological damage they have done for the rest of my life. I am angry that I have to watch my community grieve in silence for a man they did not really know. But yet, I still consider him one of the most intense and passionate loves of my life. If am to do the emotional labor of forgiveness; I will do it in my own time. At least now, if I do forgive him, there is no threat of him ever hurting me again.
Thanks for listening I have no one to talk to. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWe have been together for a bit over a year. Red flags from the beginning including knowing about his past. Wanted to believe him anyways. Emotional, physical. And mental abuse. With the majority of physical abuse involving choking me. He now is trying to force me to be poly because he claims it will be good for my depression oh and because I’m overweight. I don’t want to be poly and have brought up the fact that if he abuses her, he could go to jail. He didn’t care for that. And then he says he loves me and misses me when we aren’t together. But how could this be love. How can you be so cruel to someone who you say you love. We have swung with other couples, again something he wanted. But I have told him that poly was a dealbreaker fir me but now he says he needs it. That I have no choice. We have to do it. The idea of him kissing and loving another woman is like a dagger to my heart. I can’t handle it. But then the rational part of me thinks this would be a good way to try to leave safely. He made a comment last night that he knows we will die together, hopefully it will be when we are old. And laughed and said I misunderstood him when I mentioned that it sounded like a murder suicide situation. I guess I just needed to get this out. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWe have been together for a bit over a year. Red flags from the beginning including knowing about his past. Wanted to believe him anyways. Emotional, physical. And mental abuse. With the majority of physical abuse involving choking me. He now is trying to force me to be poly because he claims it will be good for my depression oh and because I’m overweight. I don’t want to be poly and have brought up the fact that if he abuses her, he could go to jail. He didn’t care for that. And then he says he loves me and misses me when we aren’t together. But how could this be love. How can you be so cruel to someone who you say you love. We have swung with other couples, again something he wanted. But I have told him that poly was a dealbreaker fir me but now he says he needs it. That I have no choice. We have to do it. The idea of him kissing and loving another woman is like a dagger to my heart. I can’t handle it. But then the rational part of me thinks this would be a good way to try to leave safely. He made a comment last night that he knows we will die together, hopefully it will be when we are old. And laughed and said I misunderstood him when I mentioned that it sounded like a murder suicide situation. I guess I just needed to get this out. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHello, i am new to this my ex who i have a order of protection against was arrested Thursday because he broke in my house and tried to force me to sleep with him. The DA wants me to come to there office today w my security camera footage on a hard drive.
What questions should I ask them? ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHello, i am new to this my ex who i have a order of protection against was arrested Thursday because he broke in my house and tried to force me to sleep with him. The DA wants me to come to there office today w my security camera footage on a hard drive.
What questions should I ask them? [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThey sent me home again, and there is this void, or emptiness because I've been so isolated from all people. He is the only person I know who can help. I can barely walk, it hurts to breathe, and no matter how I lay I just can't get comfortable. And I have no one to turn to but him. He made sure that I have no friends, I haven't talked to my own children in 2 years. He keeps telling me how cold it is outside and how he will be forced to sleep under a bridge in the frigid cold. The DV shelters run at half capacity because of COVID. So all I have is a hotline, and that's no relationship. So it's easy to go back to what I know, which is him. At least then I'll have someone to talk to and help me heal. This time it was my tailbone and my ribs. I can't even use the bathroom and wipe my own 'area'. The tears just won't stop. How do you reach out to people and make friends? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThey sent me home again, and there is this void, or emptiness because I've been so isolated from all people. He is the only person I know who can help. I can barely walk, it hurts to breathe, and no matter how I lay I just can't get comfortable. And I have no one to turn to but him. He made sure that I have no friends, I haven't talked to my own children in 2 years. He keeps telling me how cold it is outside and how he will be forced to sleep under a bridge in the frigid cold. The DV shelters run at half capacity because of COVID. So all I have is a hotline, and that's no relationship. So it's easy to go back to what I know, which is him. At least then I'll have someone to talk to and help me heal. This time it was my tailbone and my ribs. I can't even use the bathroom and wipe my own 'area'. The tears just won't stop. How do you reach out to people and make friends? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm not sure if this would need a trigger warning or not.
Today, my husband came home after a morning out, screaming and calling me names, and making untrue accusations. I wanted to get away from him, so I went in our room and locked the door. I knew he was coming after me so I sat with my back bracing the door and hands dug into the carpet to try and keep it shut. He broke through and continue yelling at me. I went to the next open room - the master bathroom - and again tried holding the door with my back. Of course it didn't work, but I was scared and felt like I needed to try. He was still shouting but allowed me to walk past him. He was yelling from our kitchen, I stayed in the hallway and tried to take a picture of our broken doors before he could fix them. He caught me and shoulder checked me against the wall and grabbed my phone to keep. By this time, I'm telling him I need it back so I can call my parents to come get me. I don't know how, but somehow we made it from the hall into the kitchen and he is yelling that he will call my parents and I can wait outside and have my phone back after they arrive etc. That was no dice for me, so I tried to get my phone out of his pocket (dumb, i know) and he shoved me down to the ground screaming at me and telling my kids inappropriate and untrue things to try and turn them against me. I called the police.
I feel stupid because all I've got is a bruised shoulder and some scratches or something on my back - it was such a mild thing to call over. He tried telling the police I was abusing him in the altercation, but I never shoved back or anything, maybe pushed a little to try and prevent a fall? It's a blur honestly. The police officer told me to call the prosecution in the morning to let them know if I want to press charges and...I'm frozen. I don't know what to do. I can't help but feel like I'm betraying my best friend if I do. I can't help but feel like what he did wasn't actually abuse and I'm just overreacting. Here I am, laying in our bed cuddled up to his pillow and wearing my wedding ring as well as his, missing him and wishing he was here to hold me.
I don't know what to do. I'm trying to remind myself that two nights ago he shoved me off our bed and ripped pages out of one of my book and threw them on me while shouting and name calling. Then after he was done, and I couldn't move from fear, he picked me up off the ground and held me and told me that he didn't mean to and he could never hurt me, etc.
I guess since he has never and doesn't hit me, it feels like it doesn't qualify as abuse, if that makes sense. So many people go through so much worse, maybe I'm just the boy who cried wolf.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do, and every hour that gets closer to the time I have to call is agonizing because I know I still won't have an answer. What if calling was the worst mistake of my life? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm not sure if this would need a trigger warning or not.
Today, my husband came home after a morning out, screaming and calling me names, and making untrue accusations. I wanted to get away from him, so I went in our room and locked the door. I knew he was coming after me so I sat with my back bracing the door and hands dug into the carpet to try and keep it shut. He broke through and continue yelling at me. I went to the next open room - the master bathroom - and again tried holding the door with my back. Of course it didn't work, but I was scared and felt like I needed to try. He was still shouting but allowed me to walk past him. He was yelling from our kitchen, I stayed in the hallway and tried to take a picture of our broken doors before he could fix them. He caught me and shoulder checked me against the wall and grabbed my phone to keep. By this time, I'm telling him I need it back so I can call my parents to come get me. I don't know how, but somehow we made it from the hall into the kitchen and he is yelling that he will call my parents and I can wait outside and have my phone back after they arrive etc. That was no dice for me, so I tried to get my phone out of his pocket (dumb, i know) and he shoved me down to the ground screaming at me and telling my kids inappropriate and untrue things to try and turn them against me. I called the police.
I feel stupid because all I've got is a bruised shoulder and some scratches or something on my back - it was such a mild thing to call over. He tried telling the police I was abusing him in the altercation, but I never shoved back or anything, maybe pushed a little to try and prevent a fall? It's a blur honestly. The police officer told me to call the prosecution in the morning to let them know if I want to press charges and...I'm frozen. I don't know what to do. I can't help but feel like I'm betraying my best friend if I do. I can't help but feel like what he did wasn't actually abuse and I'm just overreacting. Here I am, laying in our bed cuddled up to his pillow and wearing my wedding ring as well as his, missing him and wishing he was here to hold me.
I don't know what to do. I'm trying to remind myself that two nights ago he shoved me off our bed and ripped pages out of one of my book and threw them on me while shouting and name calling. Then after he was done, and I couldn't move from fear, he picked me up off the ground and held me and told me that he didn't mean to and he could never hurt me, etc.
I guess since he has never and doesn't hit me, it feels like it doesn't qualify as abuse, if that makes sense. So many people go through so much worse, maybe I'm just the boy who cried wolf.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do, and every hour that gets closer to the time I have to call is agonizing because I know I still won't have an answer. What if calling was the worst mistake of my life? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don’t know if this is also abuse, but Reddit recommended to post this here instead of another sub I posted this in.
TL;DR how could someone escape from a very controlling relationship?
I (F25) am in a relationship with my bf (M28) for nearly 8 years right now. A lot of stuff has happened between us. Very beautiful and good things but also horrible and terrifying things.
My bf is very controlling and basically decides how I live my life. I have no friends anymore and no contact with my family.
He tracks everything I do and controls who I talk to and who I meet up with. Which is almost no one nowadays because of his behavior in the past.
I really really love him, he is honestly the best person I know when he is in a good or okayish mood. But when his mood gets bad, it gets really bad...
I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t want to lose him but I also don’t want to live like this anymore. I feel trapped and there is no one I can talk to about this.
(In the past I’ve tried to break up with him and been in a women’s shelter for a few months. I felt really safe there but my bf found me through his connections and started threatening me and my 2 supervisors from that place. I had to go back to him. The controlling behavior only got worse after that and is still happening to this day.
I don’t trust police either, because in the past I had really bad experience with them. They tried to break up my relationship, pressured me to choose between my bf and my family and own life, said they would be there for me but just used me to catch my bf... that’s not a way for me anymore. I really gave it a chance) ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don’t know if this is also abuse, but Reddit recommended to post this here instead of another sub I posted this in.
TL;DR how could someone escape from a very controlling relationship?
I (F25) am in a relationship with my bf (M28) for nearly 8 years right now. A lot of stuff has happened between us. Very beautiful and good things but also horrible and terrifying things.
My bf is very controlling and basically decides how I live my life. I have no friends anymore and no contact with my family.
He tracks everything I do and controls who I talk to and who I meet up with. Which is almost no one nowadays because of his behavior in the past.
I really really love him, he is honestly the best person I know when he is in a good or okayish mood. But when his mood gets bad, it gets really bad...
I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t want to lose him but I also don’t want to live like this anymore. I feel trapped and there is no one I can talk to about this.
(In the past I’ve tried to break up with him and been in a women’s shelter for a few months. I felt really safe there but my bf found me through his connections and started threatening me and my 2 supervisors from that place. I had to go back to him. The controlling behavior only got worse after that and is still happening to this day.
I don’t trust police either, because in the past I had really bad experience with them. They tried to break up my relationship, pressured me to choose between my bf and my family and own life, said they would be there for me but just used me to catch my bf... that’s not a way for me anymore. I really gave it a chance) [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI had to go to the preliminary this morning for my ex. He was bonded out of jail after a very violent 3.5 hour evening. He tried to make contact which was a violation of his bond so I went to the district justice and the judge revoked it. Turns out, the no contact part of his bond wasn’t in writing and the PFA was not technically in place yet since he got out on a Monday morning before I even had a chance to file for one-so the district attorney agreed to reinstate his bond, and drop the strangulation charge as long as he agreed to plea guilty to simple assault and terroristic threats with intent.
We have a three month old baby girl together (I filed for custody today, and have a 2 year PFA in place) but Christmas is coming, and I can’t help but feel so sad and so heartbroken. He was so awful and I am relieved that my kids and I don’t have to go through that anymore or walk on eggshells everyday. I know that I am missing what I imagined or hoped he could be, and that none of it was real. But it was real to ME. I loved him, and wanted a happy, healthy, loving family with him. He ruined it for all of us. I’ve never experienced emotions like this. One moment I am happy and singing in my car, excited for what life has to bring now that I am free, and the next I am wishing we could go back to the good times. I miss watching tv with him in bed at night, I miss feeling him kiss me while I was half asleep as he left for work in the AM. I miss laughing and being playful together, and his hugs.
I have met with a counselor through a DV non profit in my town, I didn’t like her much though, so I am looking for a new one. I guess I just needed to write this and vent, I am also open to advice, or even just to hear that this is normal and I’m not alone. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI had to go to the preliminary this morning for my ex. He was bonded out of jail after a very violent 3.5 hour evening. He tried to make contact which was a violation of his bond so I went to the district justice and the judge revoked it. Turns out, the no contact part of his bond wasn’t in writing and the PFA was not technically in place yet since he got out on a Monday morning before I even had a chance to file for one-so the district attorney agreed to reinstate his bond, and drop the strangulation charge as long as he agreed to plea guilty to simple assault and terroristic threats with intent.
We have a three month old baby girl together (I filed for custody today, and have a 2 year PFA in place) but Christmas is coming, and I can’t help but feel so sad and so heartbroken. He was so awful and I am relieved that my kids and I don’t have to go through that anymore or walk on eggshells everyday. I know that I am missing what I imagined or hoped he could be, and that none of it was real. But it was real to ME. I loved him, and wanted a happy, healthy, loving family with him. He ruined it for all of us. I’ve never experienced emotions like this. One moment I am happy and singing in my car, excited for what life has to bring now that I am free, and the next I am wishing we could go back to the good times. I miss watching tv with him in bed at night, I miss feeling him kiss me while I was half asleep as he left for work in the AM. I miss laughing and being playful together, and his hugs.
I have met with a counselor through a DV non profit in my town, I didn’t like her much though, so I am looking for a new one. I guess I just needed to write this and vent, I am also open to advice, or even just to hear that this is normal and I’m not alone. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy children and I made our escape from our abuser last year. Even though we escaped it seems impossible to stabilize. I filed for divorce. I was able to get a permanent protection order for myself. I currently have temporary full custody. I got us into housing. I have temporary orders for spousal maintenance and child support. He has continued to stalk us even with the court orders that are in place. Last week I was presented with a surprise court order requiring me to pay the $1375 that my soon to be ex-husband was originally ordered to pay for a Child and Family Investigator. I already paid $1375 to cover my half but since he is choosing not to pay his half, the judge ordered me to pay it. I only have $700 that I can pay at this point. If I can't magically come up with another $675 the investigation will stay on hold. The CFI can not begin their investigation until they are paid in full. How can I manage to get us truly stabilized and fight for the children's safety after escaping from two decades of physical, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse? And where can I find the financial help that I need to get through this custody battle? ###Assistant:Childbearing | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy children and I made our escape from our abuser last year. Even though we escaped it seems impossible to stabilize. I filed for divorce. I was able to get a permanent protection order for myself. I currently have temporary full custody. I got us into housing. I have temporary orders for spousal maintenance and child support. He has continued to stalk us even with the court orders that are in place. Last week I was presented with a surprise court order requiring me to pay the $1375 that my soon to be ex-husband was originally ordered to pay for a Child and Family Investigator. I already paid $1375 to cover my half but since he is choosing not to pay his half, the judge ordered me to pay it. I only have $700 that I can pay at this point. If I can't magically come up with another $675 the investigation will stay on hold. The CFI can not begin their investigation until they are paid in full. How can I manage to get us truly stabilized and fight for the children's safety after escaping from two decades of physical, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse? And where can I find the financial help that I need to get through this custody battle? [/INST] Childbearing </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left my abusive relationship, but I still have so much pain and anger and sadness and shame and anxiety and distrust and on and on. I feel like this relationship crushed me. The whole world feels unsafe now. I think of some of the things he did and the pain still feels as fresh as the day it happened. I'm tired of the anxiety attacks and the panick attacks.
I'm in therapy, but I've been in therapy for a while. I am getting a little better, but I just want to be free of this. I hate him, and everything he put me through, and everything that led me to him. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left my abusive relationship, but I still have so much pain and anger and sadness and shame and anxiety and distrust and on and on. I feel like this relationship crushed me. The whole world feels unsafe now. I think of some of the things he did and the pain still feels as fresh as the day it happened. I'm tired of the anxiety attacks and the panick attacks.
I'm in therapy, but I've been in therapy for a while. I am getting a little better, but I just want to be free of this. I hate him, and everything he put me through, and everything that led me to him. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm not sure if this is even actually abuse, but everywhere I've looked says it is, and it's kind of destroying me.
I don't feel like I'm being abused, actually. She mistreated me in the past, but things have been fine for about two years now with no real further incidents. She has made real efforts to improve her mental health, and improve our relationship. It's gone well, except.... well, the suicide threats. We are in a long distance relationship, and periodically she will just tell me that she's going to kill herself, and then turns off her phone. I really can't tell if she's just that mentally ill, or if I'm being abused again. If I was being given ultimatums I'd be more sure, but I'm not. She just....
Usually when we fight, the fight ends because she says she is going to kill herself, then she turns off her phone and comes back in the morning. Sometimes we aren't even fighting though. Today she was complaining about the ants in her apartment, and I started trying to give her advice. She says that the advice is overwhelming her, so she is going to go kill herself, then hung up and turned off her phone. She's still gone
No matter how many times she does this, it never stops sending me in to a panic. I am always terrified that this one is finally going to be it. I am powerless to do anything about it but sit by the phone for hours trying to stay calm and waiting for her to get back, sometimes crying off and on, but mostly just going into this numb third person view state. I hate this. I hate going through all the panic and pain of losing a loved one like this over and over again. It's killing me. I don't know how to explain how hard this is for me. I've lost someone to suicide before, and I have some not insignificant abandonment issues aside from that. She's posted suicide notes to her social medias, then disappeared for entire days before. Every time it's fucking devastating. I am destroyed every time it happens. And sometimes she does it because I upset her, but sometimes she does it just.... because. I didn't even do anything this time. I did nothing wrong this time, nothing that should have upset her. She didn't give me any ultimatums, or do anything controlling. She just... decided to plunge me into panic for whatever reason. It's the fact that she does this just in general that makes me so unsure if this is abuse or not. Is she just being severely mentally ill? Is she just hurting this bad? Is she doing this to hurt me?? Is that a self centered thing to ask? I just feel lost, hurt, scared and confused. I need advice. About what to do about this. About if this is even abuse at all in the first place. If it isn't, then I'm sorry for posting here. I just didn't know who else I could ask about this, I don't want anyone in our real lives to think ill of her, but I needed to ask someone. Is this an abusive behavior? Or is this just a mental health crisis? Am I being selfish about this?? Please help me ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm not sure if this is even actually abuse, but everywhere I've looked says it is, and it's kind of destroying me.
I don't feel like I'm being abused, actually. She mistreated me in the past, but things have been fine for about two years now with no real further incidents. She has made real efforts to improve her mental health, and improve our relationship. It's gone well, except.... well, the suicide threats. We are in a long distance relationship, and periodically she will just tell me that she's going to kill herself, and then turns off her phone. I really can't tell if she's just that mentally ill, or if I'm being abused again. If I was being given ultimatums I'd be more sure, but I'm not. She just....
Usually when we fight, the fight ends because she says she is going to kill herself, then she turns off her phone and comes back in the morning. Sometimes we aren't even fighting though. Today she was complaining about the ants in her apartment, and I started trying to give her advice. She says that the advice is overwhelming her, so she is going to go kill herself, then hung up and turned off her phone. She's still gone
No matter how many times she does this, it never stops sending me in to a panic. I am always terrified that this one is finally going to be it. I am powerless to do anything about it but sit by the phone for hours trying to stay calm and waiting for her to get back, sometimes crying off and on, but mostly just going into this numb third person view state. I hate this. I hate going through all the panic and pain of losing a loved one like this over and over again. It's killing me. I don't know how to explain how hard this is for me. I've lost someone to suicide before, and I have some not insignificant abandonment issues aside from that. She's posted suicide notes to her social medias, then disappeared for entire days before. Every time it's fucking devastating. I am destroyed every time it happens. And sometimes she does it because I upset her, but sometimes she does it just.... because. I didn't even do anything this time. I did nothing wrong this time, nothing that should have upset her. She didn't give me any ultimatums, or do anything controlling. She just... decided to plunge me into panic for whatever reason. It's the fact that she does this just in general that makes me so unsure if this is abuse or not. Is she just being severely mentally ill? Is she just hurting this bad? Is she doing this to hurt me?? Is that a self centered thing to ask? I just feel lost, hurt, scared and confused. I need advice. About what to do about this. About if this is even abuse at all in the first place. If it isn't, then I'm sorry for posting here. I just didn't know who else I could ask about this, I don't want anyone in our real lives to think ill of her, but I needed to ask someone. Is this an abusive behavior? Or is this just a mental health crisis? Am I being selfish about this?? Please help me [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contenthi, i’m 20 years old female lesbian. i live in homophobic country, and in homophobic abusive household. my family doesn’t know about my sexuality and i don’t think i’ll ever come out to them because i’m 100% sure that they WILL ki*ll me they beat the fu*ck out of me for way less reasons (like looking at them in “disrespectful way”. i’m not allowed to get a job or even leave the house, so i’m looking for a way to make money so i can run away and live my life before they ki*ll me or make me marry some old man. any suggestions would be helpful. thank you for reading .*i can’t go to the police they don’t help or hiding in friend house* ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contenthi, i’m 20 years old female lesbian. i live in homophobic country, and in homophobic abusive household. my family doesn’t know about my sexuality and i don’t think i’ll ever come out to them because i’m 100% sure that they WILL ki*ll me they beat the fu*ck out of me for way less reasons (like looking at them in “disrespectful way”. i’m not allowed to get a job or even leave the house, so i’m looking for a way to make money so i can run away and live my life before they ki*ll me or make me marry some old man. any suggestions would be helpful. thank you for reading .*i can’t go to the police they don’t help or hiding in friend house* [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentim stuck in this weird place where when im with him i want him to leave i want to break up, but when we actually are broken up i can’t stomach it and just go back. then i go back and i just want to leave again and the cycle keeps going.
i need advice or just any suggestions at all. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentim stuck in this weird place where when im with him i want him to leave i want to break up, but when we actually are broken up i can’t stomach it and just go back. then i go back and i just want to leave again and the cycle keeps going.
i need advice or just any suggestions at all. [/INST] Communication </s> |