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###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend that I have been with for 4 years, always abuses me. I am now 20 years old and he is 24, if I do something he dosent like he will hit me. It all started of with me have social media, (instagram and snapchat) he told me that I am not allowed them platforms and I must delete them. He made me sit their and delete every single follower 1 by one, which took hours. After I removed all of the followers, that's when he made me delete the account. He slapped me in my face and pulled my hair back and said "you are only mine". I had all of my friends on those social media platforms, even long distance friends but I was not allowed to have it. I used to be so scared around him he always wanted to check my phone he wanted to check everything.
Another time when he abused me, it was when I was going out on a night out with the girls, I was getting ready at my mums house and he wouldn't stop ringing my phone, he constantly kept ringing and texting me saying "I dare you to go out" "I will kill you". I did the worst mistake ever and I turned my phone off. So I went out and went to the clubs, a couple of hours in he was walking up and down the street where the clubs were looking for me, showing people a photo of me asking if "they have seen this girl". He eventually found me and I was outside smoking a cigarette on my own. He already had a car with him, he had a taxi driver, driving him about so I was drunk at this point he pulled me into the taxi and said to the taxi man "drive" I was constantly saying '"I want to get out"I was screaming saying "let me out" and the taxi man kept on driving as my partner told him to. because I continued to shout he told the taxi driver to stop, and he slapped me across my face so hard. He opens the cab door and pulled me out of it with my hair, I was on the floor and he kicked me in my side multiple times. He payed the taxi driver extra money to not say anything, the taxi driver just drove of. I tried to get up and run away but he caught up to me and beat me up on the floor.
Theirs so many times where he has beat me up, I've only told you one of them so far, I am now 20 years old and I feel so depressed, so tired and unmotivated in my life. I feel like my life is pointless their is no escape.
He has cut me with a knife before threatening me that if I tell the police then he will throw acid in my face. He was this control over me, what he says goes. He tells me to come back and im always running to him. Im always running back because he WONT LEAVE ME ALONE. if I block him, change my number he leaves me emails, letters, comes to my house when he knows my family aren't in. He does everything in his power to keep hold of me.
Its not just physical abuse he gives me it is emotional and verbal. He has made me feel so low about my self image and I will never dare step out of my house without makeup as I feel so insecure now, I never used to really wear makeup now I have to wear it.
He has punched me in my eye before, slapped me, punched me in my face and all over my body, had me on the floor and he stood on my face saying "this is where you belong" he kicks me when im on the floor and he spits on me. My worst nightmare is when he gets his belt out on me "I just scream begging him to not hurt me" but if its not his belt he will hold a knife towards me.
I have a stab mark on my leg so I decided to get a tattoo to cover it up, I don't like to see it I try to forget everything he has done to me but I can't.
He will never leave me alone, he will always be their.Ive realised their is so escape. If I tell the police he will get someone to do something to me I know he will. I now do not have the energy to be upset about him abusing me anymore, I feel like it is normal, I have experienced this for 4 years from being 17 years old. I have to live with this until he wants to leave me. :( ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend that I have been with for 4 years, always abuses me. I am now 20 years old and he is 24, if I do something he dosent like he will hit me. It all started of with me have social media, (instagram and snapchat) he told me that I am not allowed them platforms and I must delete them. He made me sit their and delete every single follower 1 by one, which took hours. After I removed all of the followers, that's when he made me delete the account. He slapped me in my face and pulled my hair back and said "you are only mine". I had all of my friends on those social media platforms, even long distance friends but I was not allowed to have it. I used to be so scared around him he always wanted to check my phone he wanted to check everything.
Another time when he abused me, it was when I was going out on a night out with the girls, I was getting ready at my mums house and he wouldn't stop ringing my phone, he constantly kept ringing and texting me saying "I dare you to go out" "I will kill you". I did the worst mistake ever and I turned my phone off. So I went out and went to the clubs, a couple of hours in he was walking up and down the street where the clubs were looking for me, showing people a photo of me asking if "they have seen this girl". He eventually found me and I was outside smoking a cigarette on my own. He already had a car with him, he had a taxi driver, driving him about so I was drunk at this point he pulled me into the taxi and said to the taxi man "drive" I was constantly saying '"I want to get out"I was screaming saying "let me out" and the taxi man kept on driving as my partner told him to. because I continued to shout he told the taxi driver to stop, and he slapped me across my face so hard. He opens the cab door and pulled me out of it with my hair, I was on the floor and he kicked me in my side multiple times. He payed the taxi driver extra money to not say anything, the taxi driver just drove of. I tried to get up and run away but he caught up to me and beat me up on the floor.
Theirs so many times where he has beat me up, I've only told you one of them so far, I am now 20 years old and I feel so depressed, so tired and unmotivated in my life. I feel like my life is pointless their is no escape.
He has cut me with a knife before threatening me that if I tell the police then he will throw acid in my face. He was this control over me, what he says goes. He tells me to come back and im always running to him. Im always running back because he WONT LEAVE ME ALONE. if I block him, change my number he leaves me emails, letters, comes to my house when he knows my family aren't in. He does everything in his power to keep hold of me.
Its not just physical abuse he gives me it is emotional and verbal. He has made me feel so low about my self image and I will never dare step out of my house without makeup as I feel so insecure now, I never used to really wear makeup now I have to wear it.
He has punched me in my eye before, slapped me, punched me in my face and all over my body, had me on the floor and he stood on my face saying "this is where you belong" he kicks me when im on the floor and he spits on me. My worst nightmare is when he gets his belt out on me "I just scream begging him to not hurt me" but if its not his belt he will hold a knife towards me.
I have a stab mark on my leg so I decided to get a tattoo to cover it up, I don't like to see it I try to forget everything he has done to me but I can't.
He will never leave me alone, he will always be their.Ive realised their is so escape. If I tell the police he will get someone to do something to me I know he will. I now do not have the energy to be upset about him abusing me anymore, I feel like it is normal, I have experienced this for 4 years from being 17 years old. I have to live with this until he wants to leave me. :( [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTW: drug use, violence
I have a friend whose abuser is staying at her place and it’s been really tricky getting him to leave. Quick background: he was arrested a couple months ago for breaking into her house and destroying a bunch of stuff. He was released from jail but was given an ankle monitor and a No Contact order. He had a serious health issue come up, and somehow (not sure the details) manipulated her into taking him in and taking care of him. He’s better now, but still at her house, and apparently using heroin. She needs him to leave but he is violent and mentally unstable so she’s scared to set a boundary and kick him out... and with good reason. Dude is scary, can confirm.
I reminded her that she has a lot of people in her life who would call the cops if they knew he was at her place. She is afraid to let most of the people in her life know that dude is at her house for this reason. She is afraid that she will get in trouble because she consented to having him come into her house again (though we all know how manipulative and threatening abusers can be). There’s also the fact that there are illegal drugs in her house, even though they aren’t hers. She also is a single mom to two teenage kids. Basically I’m helping her figure out if it’s going to backfire on her if someone called the cops to get this guy out of her house. Does anybody know if this would be a safe option for her?
I am basically the only person she feels safe talking to right now because I promised that I would only call the cops with her consent. I was in a very similar DV situation that I had to navigate without involving cops. So I want to respect that because she needs this lifeline and I don’t want to mess up anything for her.
Don’t want to disclose the US state we’re in on a public post, but if it helps I’d be happy to get into specifics over DM.
TLDR: will my friend get in trouble if abuser is arrested for violating no contact order if she consented to having him in her house to begin with? He also brought hard drugs into her house. ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTW: drug use, violence
I have a friend whose abuser is staying at her place and it’s been really tricky getting him to leave. Quick background: he was arrested a couple months ago for breaking into her house and destroying a bunch of stuff. He was released from jail but was given an ankle monitor and a No Contact order. He had a serious health issue come up, and somehow (not sure the details) manipulated her into taking him in and taking care of him. He’s better now, but still at her house, and apparently using heroin. She needs him to leave but he is violent and mentally unstable so she’s scared to set a boundary and kick him out... and with good reason. Dude is scary, can confirm.
I reminded her that she has a lot of people in her life who would call the cops if they knew he was at her place. She is afraid to let most of the people in her life know that dude is at her house for this reason. She is afraid that she will get in trouble because she consented to having him come into her house again (though we all know how manipulative and threatening abusers can be). There’s also the fact that there are illegal drugs in her house, even though they aren’t hers. She also is a single mom to two teenage kids. Basically I’m helping her figure out if it’s going to backfire on her if someone called the cops to get this guy out of her house. Does anybody know if this would be a safe option for her?
I am basically the only person she feels safe talking to right now because I promised that I would only call the cops with her consent. I was in a very similar DV situation that I had to navigate without involving cops. So I want to respect that because she needs this lifeline and I don’t want to mess up anything for her.
Don’t want to disclose the US state we’re in on a public post, but if it helps I’d be happy to get into specifics over DM.
TLDR: will my friend get in trouble if abuser is arrested for violating no contact order if she consented to having him in her house to begin with? He also brought hard drugs into her house. [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have 3 kids w my abuser I just left after 9 years. I can’t totally cut him off bc of the kids. Some days I wish I could. Recently he has been crying so much to me & honestly I feel bad for him sometimes. I know he has no one else. We are super trauma bonded. Both had bad child hoods. But at the time I left I made up my mind. I wasn’t doing it to myself anymore! He proved over & over he didn’t care about me or my tears! Now he cries to me, & I feel heartless. Telling him you never cared when you hurt me, now your surprised I actually left !
Idk it’s hard actually having to deal with him. Sometimes I know it would be easier if I didn’t have to.
Part of me feels bad. Part of me still wants to help. But he has to learn to cope without me. Idk it’s harder than I thought!
(2 months free after 9 years) ❤️🩹 ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have 3 kids w my abuser I just left after 9 years. I can’t totally cut him off bc of the kids. Some days I wish I could. Recently he has been crying so much to me & honestly I feel bad for him sometimes. I know he has no one else. We are super trauma bonded. Both had bad child hoods. But at the time I left I made up my mind. I wasn’t doing it to myself anymore! He proved over & over he didn’t care about me or my tears! Now he cries to me, & I feel heartless. Telling him you never cared when you hurt me, now your surprised I actually left !
Idk it’s hard actually having to deal with him. Sometimes I know it would be easier if I didn’t have to.
Part of me feels bad. Part of me still wants to help. But he has to learn to cope without me. Idk it’s harder than I thought!
(2 months free after 9 years) ❤️🩹 [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content***updating to let you all know that I’ve made the decision to file for divorce. I truly believe it is the right thing and I just pray for strength during this terrible time.
What if the physical abuse only happened a handful of times throughout our 10 year marriage (spaced years apart), what if there were never any serious injuries (i know there could have been), what if the rest of the time they were generally kind and supportive (they def have a temper but not aimed toward me usually), what if they are repentant and sober now...it’s been a couple months of us being apart, I know it must be longer but am I crazy for considering trying again in the future? There were a lot of other issues but none that would have caused me to really walk away now the easiest thing honestly seems to walk away for good and the truth is I know I don’t NEED them, in many ways I don’t even WANT them (can’t imagine being affectionate with them)...BUT the pull of my kiddos wanting them back, the kindness and sadness radiating from them every time we interact for kids, their declarations of love, the certainty that surely they wouldn’t let this happen ever again, the lure of not having to do it on my own it all feels like the right answer isn’t to walk away for good after all.
Has anyone ever successfully reconciled (no repeat abuse) and if so how long was separation, how much therapy, were you able to truly forgive and not hold it against them? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content***updating to let you all know that I’ve made the decision to file for divorce. I truly believe it is the right thing and I just pray for strength during this terrible time.
What if the physical abuse only happened a handful of times throughout our 10 year marriage (spaced years apart), what if there were never any serious injuries (i know there could have been), what if the rest of the time they were generally kind and supportive (they def have a temper but not aimed toward me usually), what if they are repentant and sober now...it’s been a couple months of us being apart, I know it must be longer but am I crazy for considering trying again in the future? There were a lot of other issues but none that would have caused me to really walk away now the easiest thing honestly seems to walk away for good and the truth is I know I don’t NEED them, in many ways I don’t even WANT them (can’t imagine being affectionate with them)...BUT the pull of my kiddos wanting them back, the kindness and sadness radiating from them every time we interact for kids, their declarations of love, the certainty that surely they wouldn’t let this happen ever again, the lure of not having to do it on my own it all feels like the right answer isn’t to walk away for good after all.
Has anyone ever successfully reconciled (no repeat abuse) and if so how long was separation, how much therapy, were you able to truly forgive and not hold it against them? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don't know what to do when my husband gaslights me. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don't know what to do when my husband gaslights me. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi there. First time posting here & honestly I'm not sure how I feel. My case against my ex husband has been "cold" since Covid started. Long story short, I married my highschool sweetheart, he was an amazing partner until, well, he decided to take the mask off 5 years in.. He was a cheater, and abused me verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually. Raped me often and I reported it over and over, but they said they couldn't force charges against someone I was married to. Countless police reports and calls, and they let him go Everytime. Because of his job, He has strong ties within the community and law enforcement. They over looked everything.. when I finally got away from him, the stalking began. He even broke into my home and had placed hidden GoPro cameras in my bedroom. He threatened to kill me and our children often and even bragged to others about it. He escalated and escalated. Finally in 2017, I escaped him safely with my children. The threats and stalking continued, and in 2018 a detective took my case and started looking into things. Unfortunately, she did nothing with it and actually told me there's no evidence of anything and closed my case. I've been devastated, forced to co parent with my abuser and rapist and he's out here living his best life above the law, not being held accountable for anything. I was depressed, suffering with debilitating PTSD, I eventually had to move on because life continues, right? It had to. I actually got remarried, and I'm expecting a new baby with my husband, I'm doing well despite the fact that I'm still forced to coparent with this terrible man and have had to call DCF multiple times over things he's done to my children. Like always, he gets away with it.
Today, out of nowhere, I get a call. A new detective wants to reopen my cold case and start investigating to push over to the state attorney's office for charges. I'm dumbfounded. I'm meeting with her next week to go over everything. I'm honestly all over the place with emotions. Thankfully I have it all in a box that I've kept in my attic. Police reports, images of injuries, witness statements. I just don't know what to think or what I'm supposed to expect. I just want justice. But I'm scared. ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi there. First time posting here & honestly I'm not sure how I feel. My case against my ex husband has been "cold" since Covid started. Long story short, I married my highschool sweetheart, he was an amazing partner until, well, he decided to take the mask off 5 years in.. He was a cheater, and abused me verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually. Raped me often and I reported it over and over, but they said they couldn't force charges against someone I was married to. Countless police reports and calls, and they let him go Everytime. Because of his job, He has strong ties within the community and law enforcement. They over looked everything.. when I finally got away from him, the stalking began. He even broke into my home and had placed hidden GoPro cameras in my bedroom. He threatened to kill me and our children often and even bragged to others about it. He escalated and escalated. Finally in 2017, I escaped him safely with my children. The threats and stalking continued, and in 2018 a detective took my case and started looking into things. Unfortunately, she did nothing with it and actually told me there's no evidence of anything and closed my case. I've been devastated, forced to co parent with my abuser and rapist and he's out here living his best life above the law, not being held accountable for anything. I was depressed, suffering with debilitating PTSD, I eventually had to move on because life continues, right? It had to. I actually got remarried, and I'm expecting a new baby with my husband, I'm doing well despite the fact that I'm still forced to coparent with this terrible man and have had to call DCF multiple times over things he's done to my children. Like always, he gets away with it.
Today, out of nowhere, I get a call. A new detective wants to reopen my cold case and start investigating to push over to the state attorney's office for charges. I'm dumbfounded. I'm meeting with her next week to go over everything. I'm honestly all over the place with emotions. Thankfully I have it all in a box that I've kept in my attic. Police reports, images of injuries, witness statements. I just don't know what to think or what I'm supposed to expect. I just want justice. But I'm scared. [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don't know for sure if it was abuse or it was just a bad situation. Also, English is not my native language but i will try my hardest.
I met him (28m) in 2019 trough a dating app. We straight away clicked and after a month of casual dating he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was so thrilled. I am a very small girl with no piercings or tattoo's at all and he was fully tattood and had big ear plugs and other piercings. Everything i wanted, the first half year everything was super and perfect and he was so sweet and gentle and funny. Sex was perfect, so electric that tesla wouldve been jalous. Then all of a sudden, some days he would be very grumpy and if i said a little too much, i got called out making fun of me, being ashamed, i always apoligized after those things because ofcourse, how could it not be that he is right? The sex was getting shorter and fewer, not so electric anymore, more like he just had to do this. So then after 1,5 year i was very carefull around him. Didnt say too much, just enough to not be anoying again. Everytime i went to my own place wich i share with 11 roommates (4f+8m) he would always call me to make sure i was alone in my room, to keep me safe from the male roommates because he saw their looks in their eyes. Now i think he wanted me completly for himself, even when i am not with him, but i am still not sure. When my family called, he always sighed deep and pointed at the door, meaning: ' could you take this call outside?' so after a few months i stopped calling them and just texting them.
But now i was texting a lot wich was a bit suspicious for him.
It started with, when i was at home, i always called him to say goodnight before bed and when he heard a roommate walking in the hallway he would ask: are you alone? Who's with you? I don't believe you, fucking bitch and hung up. I always called back and promised him i would never ever cheat. After a few more weeks it would turn into: who did you fuck this week? If i ever find out you are cheating, you will dissapear from this world and no one would ever know where you are. On to yesterday,
I was more quit then usual because i really was thinking of how to end things with him because of all the namecalling was really feeling heavy on my shoulders and was really a ticking stressbomb because i was walking around eggshells with him. He asked me what was wrong and i dont know why i said it but i said: i'm done. I dont want this anymore. I dont love you anymore and i want you to be happy with someone who really can love you. Well, that was the worst thing to say, he freaked out, shouted in front of my face super close what a fucking whore i was and i probably already fucked everyone on my workplace now ( side note: i am a 1,58m small girl, and work in a metal factory, wich is very unusual as metal is a real mens job) and he threw me around his room and i quickly grabbed my most important stuff and my phone. He was getting so close that i said i'd call the police id he didn't let me leave.
So i took my stuff, took my bike and rode very fast to home.
He sent me such heartbreaking texts after i left. How sorry he was and he never meant to hurt me, and he loves me so so much, i am his future wife. I wanted to run back as fast as i can and hold him and kiss him so badly but i know i can never go back to that,ever. When i was home, I called my parents, told them everything and they grabbed my still remaining stuff from him today. I blocked him everywhere and also his only best friend.
But those texts he sent me when i just got home, they keep me doubting if he really loves me or if was just abused.
So please help me because i am really confused. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don't know for sure if it was abuse or it was just a bad situation. Also, English is not my native language but i will try my hardest.
I met him (28m) in 2019 trough a dating app. We straight away clicked and after a month of casual dating he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was so thrilled. I am a very small girl with no piercings or tattoo's at all and he was fully tattood and had big ear plugs and other piercings. Everything i wanted, the first half year everything was super and perfect and he was so sweet and gentle and funny. Sex was perfect, so electric that tesla wouldve been jalous. Then all of a sudden, some days he would be very grumpy and if i said a little too much, i got called out making fun of me, being ashamed, i always apoligized after those things because ofcourse, how could it not be that he is right? The sex was getting shorter and fewer, not so electric anymore, more like he just had to do this. So then after 1,5 year i was very carefull around him. Didnt say too much, just enough to not be anoying again. Everytime i went to my own place wich i share with 11 roommates (4f+8m) he would always call me to make sure i was alone in my room, to keep me safe from the male roommates because he saw their looks in their eyes. Now i think he wanted me completly for himself, even when i am not with him, but i am still not sure. When my family called, he always sighed deep and pointed at the door, meaning: ' could you take this call outside?' so after a few months i stopped calling them and just texting them.
But now i was texting a lot wich was a bit suspicious for him.
It started with, when i was at home, i always called him to say goodnight before bed and when he heard a roommate walking in the hallway he would ask: are you alone? Who's with you? I don't believe you, fucking bitch and hung up. I always called back and promised him i would never ever cheat. After a few more weeks it would turn into: who did you fuck this week? If i ever find out you are cheating, you will dissapear from this world and no one would ever know where you are. On to yesterday,
I was more quit then usual because i really was thinking of how to end things with him because of all the namecalling was really feeling heavy on my shoulders and was really a ticking stressbomb because i was walking around eggshells with him. He asked me what was wrong and i dont know why i said it but i said: i'm done. I dont want this anymore. I dont love you anymore and i want you to be happy with someone who really can love you. Well, that was the worst thing to say, he freaked out, shouted in front of my face super close what a fucking whore i was and i probably already fucked everyone on my workplace now ( side note: i am a 1,58m small girl, and work in a metal factory, wich is very unusual as metal is a real mens job) and he threw me around his room and i quickly grabbed my most important stuff and my phone. He was getting so close that i said i'd call the police id he didn't let me leave.
So i took my stuff, took my bike and rode very fast to home.
He sent me such heartbreaking texts after i left. How sorry he was and he never meant to hurt me, and he loves me so so much, i am his future wife. I wanted to run back as fast as i can and hold him and kiss him so badly but i know i can never go back to that,ever. When i was home, I called my parents, told them everything and they grabbed my still remaining stuff from him today. I blocked him everywhere and also his only best friend.
But those texts he sent me when i just got home, they keep me doubting if he really loves me or if was just abused.
So please help me because i am really confused. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have been in a physically and mentally abusive relationship on and off for years. I finally hit my breaking point this past weekend. I had voice recorded the last time it happened so that I had proof if I needed to do something about. Of course , because it’s so normal I forgot about it. When he becomes abusive physically he will start to distance himself from me as if it is my fault that we are not getting along. I will try and try to talk through things to no Avail. Until I hit my breaking point. I have extreme anxiety of being abandoned and left alone . As he has discarded me many times. I couldn’t even handle life when he would ignore me. So I was calling and texting him while he just acted like I was crazy. Eventually , I got a call from a police officer saying I cannot call or text him anymore or he was going to press charges on me.
I wasn’t shocked but it struck me in the heart just the same.
I decided enough was enough and I reported the abuse that I always try to protect him from. For years and years. When he has never protected me.
I have a problem with anxiety. I had a panic attack at work out of nowhere and had to leave work because of all of this. I ALWAYS think, if we can just talk about this, I won’t feel bad anymore , something we discuss will make me not feel bad anymore and I can get some kind of closure. No
I went to his job ( I used to work there so it’s not uncommon) to ask to speak about this.
He was acting like I came to murder him. Which I have never ever touched him before.
I couldn’t believe it but also yes I could. He’s a good actor. He basically told me to fuck off or he was going to call the police on me for speaking to him.
And then he did. But I had left way before that.
I feel ashamed for thinking that I can make this horrible trauma feeling go away. I feel like an idiot for going to talk to him as I feel like it just makes me look like I’m the bad person here.
Thank you for listening. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have been in a physically and mentally abusive relationship on and off for years. I finally hit my breaking point this past weekend. I had voice recorded the last time it happened so that I had proof if I needed to do something about. Of course , because it’s so normal I forgot about it. When he becomes abusive physically he will start to distance himself from me as if it is my fault that we are not getting along. I will try and try to talk through things to no Avail. Until I hit my breaking point. I have extreme anxiety of being abandoned and left alone . As he has discarded me many times. I couldn’t even handle life when he would ignore me. So I was calling and texting him while he just acted like I was crazy. Eventually , I got a call from a police officer saying I cannot call or text him anymore or he was going to press charges on me.
I wasn’t shocked but it struck me in the heart just the same.
I decided enough was enough and I reported the abuse that I always try to protect him from. For years and years. When he has never protected me.
I have a problem with anxiety. I had a panic attack at work out of nowhere and had to leave work because of all of this. I ALWAYS think, if we can just talk about this, I won’t feel bad anymore , something we discuss will make me not feel bad anymore and I can get some kind of closure. No
I went to his job ( I used to work there so it’s not uncommon) to ask to speak about this.
He was acting like I came to murder him. Which I have never ever touched him before.
I couldn’t believe it but also yes I could. He’s a good actor. He basically told me to fuck off or he was going to call the police on me for speaking to him.
And then he did. But I had left way before that.
I feel ashamed for thinking that I can make this horrible trauma feeling go away. I feel like an idiot for going to talk to him as I feel like it just makes me look like I’m the bad person here.
Thank you for listening. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo my depression this year is so much worse because of what’s going on in my life. I still feel guilty for calling the police on my husband and it saddens me that especially right now he’s in jail. At the same time I’m angry 😡 and don’t know what to do with the palpable anger I’m feeling. I’m not sleeping at all at this point and be questioned if honestly calling the law was the right thing. I miss him horribly and I know it’s irrational. I’m all over the place and it’s the holidays. I just want to crawl under a rock until it’s all over. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo my depression this year is so much worse because of what’s going on in my life. I still feel guilty for calling the police on my husband and it saddens me that especially right now he’s in jail. At the same time I’m angry 😡 and don’t know what to do with the palpable anger I’m feeling. I’m not sleeping at all at this point and be questioned if honestly calling the law was the right thing. I miss him horribly and I know it’s irrational. I’m all over the place and it’s the holidays. I just want to crawl under a rock until it’s all over. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’ve been seeing my partner for nearly a year now and it keeps getting worse and worse
The hitting has increased. The abusive, gaslighting, manipulation and constantly demanding all of my energy... I’m absolutely exhausted and I can’t do this anymore
I’ve lost so many friends because of this person because nobody wants to be around me anymore
My best friend of 10 years distances herself entirely because she is ‘protecting her own energy’ from this
And I feel so isolated and like I can’t reach out to anybody
Every time we break up I have an overwhelming amount of separation anxiety and I just run back because of the trauma bond
They have even admitted themselves that they know there is a trauma bond between us
They are a really really intense stalker, harasser as well
They create profiles and emails and additionally works at a centre for the national post office so they can access everyone’s private information like address and phone number
I feel so sick and trapped and I honestly have no idea what to do, I feel like they could hurt me more if I left
Btw I’m in Melbourne Australia; every time I call 1800 respect they just tell me to leave them but it’s extremely difficult without any emotional support around me ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’ve been seeing my partner for nearly a year now and it keeps getting worse and worse
The hitting has increased. The abusive, gaslighting, manipulation and constantly demanding all of my energy... I’m absolutely exhausted and I can’t do this anymore
I’ve lost so many friends because of this person because nobody wants to be around me anymore
My best friend of 10 years distances herself entirely because she is ‘protecting her own energy’ from this
And I feel so isolated and like I can’t reach out to anybody
Every time we break up I have an overwhelming amount of separation anxiety and I just run back because of the trauma bond
They have even admitted themselves that they know there is a trauma bond between us
They are a really really intense stalker, harasser as well
They create profiles and emails and additionally works at a centre for the national post office so they can access everyone’s private information like address and phone number
I feel so sick and trapped and I honestly have no idea what to do, I feel like they could hurt me more if I left
Btw I’m in Melbourne Australia; every time I call 1800 respect they just tell me to leave them but it’s extremely difficult without any emotional support around me [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI've called the police three times now, on my mum's husband for domestic abuse. But they won't do anything. Each time I report him, they don't go into it in detail. They don't even bother. The first time, a knife was pulled on my mum with death threats to both of us. The second time, he tried to choke me and after that, while I was calling the police, there was more death threats. The last time, which was about 2 days ago, he beat my mum so hard that she has dents in her forehead and under her eye, she also has a split lip, and he broke her phone in half. She's with me now (I live separately with my grandma and someone else, she lived with him and my 1 year old step sister but now she and the sister are here).
No matter how much I tell them, how much physical and verbal pain he gives, they won't do anything. Everyday I wake up I live with the fear that he might kill me, or my mum, or both. I'm only 17, and I want to get out, but I can't do anything. My college (UK) knows about this too, but there's not much they can really do - they have their own police too, but at this point I don't think going there will help.
I never thought that my life would end up like this, and if I'm being honest, I feel like I'm going to be stuck in this hell until he kills me. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI've called the police three times now, on my mum's husband for domestic abuse. But they won't do anything. Each time I report him, they don't go into it in detail. They don't even bother. The first time, a knife was pulled on my mum with death threats to both of us. The second time, he tried to choke me and after that, while I was calling the police, there was more death threats. The last time, which was about 2 days ago, he beat my mum so hard that she has dents in her forehead and under her eye, she also has a split lip, and he broke her phone in half. She's with me now (I live separately with my grandma and someone else, she lived with him and my 1 year old step sister but now she and the sister are here).
No matter how much I tell them, how much physical and verbal pain he gives, they won't do anything. Everyday I wake up I live with the fear that he might kill me, or my mum, or both. I'm only 17, and I want to get out, but I can't do anything. My college (UK) knows about this too, but there's not much they can really do - they have their own police too, but at this point I don't think going there will help.
I never thought that my life would end up like this, and if I'm being honest, I feel like I'm going to be stuck in this hell until he kills me. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm trying to help my mother leave her abuser, however her phone line is under his account (they have Verizon). Anyone know if it's possible to switch her line over to my account without involving him? She wants to keep her phone number if at all possible.
Any help is greatly appreciated ###Assistant:Safety planning | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm trying to help my mother leave her abuser, however her phone line is under his account (they have Verizon). Anyone know if it's possible to switch her line over to my account without involving him? She wants to keep her phone number if at all possible.
Any help is greatly appreciated [/INST] Safety planning </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentYesterday, I was cooking lunch for my 2 kids and 2 step kids while my partner was napping on the sofa. Basically he woke up grouchy and he threw his shoe at me from across the room. For context, he got up and went in the kitchen where I was cooking and told me I’m ruining the pasta - I wasn’t, it was cooked absolutely fine. He didn’t like that I told him that because it was ‘back chatting’ and he’d had enough of the kids doing it all day so he snapped. The thing is he did it in front of all 4 kids and narrowly missing my 1 year old son. I’m not sure if I’m just overreacting in thinking that it’s domestic abuse? This isn’t the first time things like this have happened though. He’s never physically hit me. He’s grabbed me by the collar and rubbed a dirty nappy in my face, thrown things/smashed things and punched a hole in my wall. But never hit me. And for the record the shoe didn’t actually hit me or my son, it was blocked by the baby gate. I think I already know the answer to my question but I’m just confused and very lost and I’m not sure what to do. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentYesterday, I was cooking lunch for my 2 kids and 2 step kids while my partner was napping on the sofa. Basically he woke up grouchy and he threw his shoe at me from across the room. For context, he got up and went in the kitchen where I was cooking and told me I’m ruining the pasta - I wasn’t, it was cooked absolutely fine. He didn’t like that I told him that because it was ‘back chatting’ and he’d had enough of the kids doing it all day so he snapped. The thing is he did it in front of all 4 kids and narrowly missing my 1 year old son. I’m not sure if I’m just overreacting in thinking that it’s domestic abuse? This isn’t the first time things like this have happened though. He’s never physically hit me. He’s grabbed me by the collar and rubbed a dirty nappy in my face, thrown things/smashed things and punched a hole in my wall. But never hit me. And for the record the shoe didn’t actually hit me or my son, it was blocked by the baby gate. I think I already know the answer to my question but I’m just confused and very lost and I’m not sure what to do. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have two small children (under 7) and left an abusive relationship about a year ago. While the physical stuff has stopped, I’m dealing with constant, relentless emotional and mental abuse. We have 50/50 custody. He’s constantly telling me I’m a bad mother, that he’s going to take me to court for a myriad of reasons, has contacted my kids teacher to berate me, etc. Something as simple as forgetting a lunch box can lead to multi-day tirades against me questioning my mental health and my fitness as a mom.
There seems to be no legal recourse I can take to stop this.
Have others dealt with this? How do you handle it? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have two small children (under 7) and left an abusive relationship about a year ago. While the physical stuff has stopped, I’m dealing with constant, relentless emotional and mental abuse. We have 50/50 custody. He’s constantly telling me I’m a bad mother, that he’s going to take me to court for a myriad of reasons, has contacted my kids teacher to berate me, etc. Something as simple as forgetting a lunch box can lead to multi-day tirades against me questioning my mental health and my fitness as a mom.
There seems to be no legal recourse I can take to stop this.
Have others dealt with this? How do you handle it? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentDoes anyone know of a PTSD online clinic? Therapy? Treatment? I’m desperate but still can’t seem to leave him. Even after the incident December 4th.
Simply put, he’s a malignant narcissist held hostage at gun point by him, even shoved it in my mouth. He’s a “thug” if you will. I kept trying to escape over and over, and he would just body slam me down multiple times until my head was just bleeding everywhere. At the end of of it he asked me to get in the tub... for easier clean up. But he realized I’m too important in the area to go missing... than he switched back into this “remorseful” guy after he saw my head bleeding profusely And I didn’t report it, I took him back and I’m just in a fog since than. I’m self medicating with dope that he introduced me too. I’m willing to what it takes but I’m not sure his reaction. I don’t want to be with him. But I just pretend. I’m submissive now ###Assistant:Healthcare information (counselling, psychiatrist, doctor etc.) | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentDoes anyone know of a PTSD online clinic? Therapy? Treatment? I’m desperate but still can’t seem to leave him. Even after the incident December 4th.
Simply put, he’s a malignant narcissist held hostage at gun point by him, even shoved it in my mouth. He’s a “thug” if you will. I kept trying to escape over and over, and he would just body slam me down multiple times until my head was just bleeding everywhere. At the end of of it he asked me to get in the tub... for easier clean up. But he realized I’m too important in the area to go missing... than he switched back into this “remorseful” guy after he saw my head bleeding profusely And I didn’t report it, I took him back and I’m just in a fog since than. I’m self medicating with dope that he introduced me too. I’m willing to what it takes but I’m not sure his reaction. I don’t want to be with him. But I just pretend. I’m submissive now [/INST] Healthcare information (counselling, psychiatrist, doctor etc.) </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left my narcissist ex a year ago. He didn't take it well and became extremely abusive when I left - he even tried having me arrested on false charges. I got a tempoary restraining order against him but didn't persue the permanent one because his lawyer assured me, in writing and signed by ex, that ex would leave me alone.
Ex hasn't left me alone. Several times per month (or week/day, depending on his mood) ex contacts me to try to reconcile. He is able to get around being blocked by changing his phone number, email address, etc. I only read his messages to see what kind of mood he's in and if I should worry about him that day.
He starts out nice and says things to get me back. Because I don't respond, he becomes enraged and starts scaring me with the tone of his messages. Me not responding to him makes his anger escalate. He is smart enough to only use veiled threats, nothing that could ever be used against him. Threats like, "you're going to regret this" are considered vague, and legal, by our state law.
He has never put his hands on me...yet. I honestly feel that he is the person that would commit murder/suicide as his first act of violence against me (I don't want to post full details here about a specific event involving an argument, gun, and his arrest). He has threatened suicide several (5, I think) times since I've left him (I always notify his family when he does).
He has been stalking me recently. He sent messages that mention how I look and that my tire needs air, etc. Things he would only know if he was watching me or having someone else watch me.
I've taken some precautions, I've changed the locks and told neighbors (neighbors are keeping an eye out for him). Another restraining order would only make him be more cautious and sneaky. If he wants to commit murder/suicide, the restraining order isn't going to stop him.
I legally have a gun but I'm not sure if I could use it on anyone, even to protect my own life. The only other thing I can think of is to get a security system but I really can't afford one.
Any suggestions on how I can keep myself safe? ###Assistant:Safety planning | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left my narcissist ex a year ago. He didn't take it well and became extremely abusive when I left - he even tried having me arrested on false charges. I got a tempoary restraining order against him but didn't persue the permanent one because his lawyer assured me, in writing and signed by ex, that ex would leave me alone.
Ex hasn't left me alone. Several times per month (or week/day, depending on his mood) ex contacts me to try to reconcile. He is able to get around being blocked by changing his phone number, email address, etc. I only read his messages to see what kind of mood he's in and if I should worry about him that day.
He starts out nice and says things to get me back. Because I don't respond, he becomes enraged and starts scaring me with the tone of his messages. Me not responding to him makes his anger escalate. He is smart enough to only use veiled threats, nothing that could ever be used against him. Threats like, "you're going to regret this" are considered vague, and legal, by our state law.
He has never put his hands on me...yet. I honestly feel that he is the person that would commit murder/suicide as his first act of violence against me (I don't want to post full details here about a specific event involving an argument, gun, and his arrest). He has threatened suicide several (5, I think) times since I've left him (I always notify his family when he does).
He has been stalking me recently. He sent messages that mention how I look and that my tire needs air, etc. Things he would only know if he was watching me or having someone else watch me.
I've taken some precautions, I've changed the locks and told neighbors (neighbors are keeping an eye out for him). Another restraining order would only make him be more cautious and sneaky. If he wants to commit murder/suicide, the restraining order isn't going to stop him.
I legally have a gun but I'm not sure if I could use it on anyone, even to protect my own life. The only other thing I can think of is to get a security system but I really can't afford one.
Any suggestions on how I can keep myself safe? [/INST] Safety planning </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI called one today in my city and they have me the green light to come in. They told me they allow men even though it’s a women’s shelter which is concerning. There also seems to be a lot of rules and it’s very strict. I don’t have anywhere to go and I don’t want to stay in the abusive household. ###Assistant:Shelters/ DV center/ Agency | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI called one today in my city and they have me the green light to come in. They told me they allow men even though it’s a women’s shelter which is concerning. There also seems to be a lot of rules and it’s very strict. I don’t have anywhere to go and I don’t want to stay in the abusive household. [/INST] Shelters/ DV center/ Agency </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTW: violence, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, abuse of children, homophobia, biphobia, forced outing
I (24F) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for around 4 months now. We are both bisexual and have only dated men in the past. I developed a hunch after a few months that she had experienced something traumatic in her past, but I didn’t push the issue because I figured she would tell me when she was ready. She cannot take compliments and assumes they’re being said to make her feel better. She apologizes constantly. She never wants to be the one to make a decision and defers to whatever I want, even if I encourage her to choose something as simple as what restaurant for dinner. She’s dramatically more comfortable providing physical intimacy than receiving it, and even when she clearly wants to be intimate, she usually wants me to be the initiator. She behaves in the most loving way but is afraid to say “I love you” too soon. She shuts down well beyond standard introvert levels around new people, even though she’s talkative, goofy, and incredibly fun around people she’s comfortable with. She’s one of the kindest, most compassionate, most giving people I know, yet she is constantly terrified of accidentally “using” other people or taking advantage of me in some way. Mind you, she’s never spoken an unkind word to me, never been controlling, has a healthy support system of friends and is seeking a therapist. But she only ever seems to see the potential for the worst in herself.
So eventually, she did disclose to me what her childhood had been like. In her own words, her father was “abusive in basically every way.” He was verbally and emotionally aggressive to her, her brother, and their mother. He took his anger out by spanking the kids with a paddle to the point of bruises. And he smacked her mother across the face in front of her kids. While he has gotten “less bad” as he’s aged and hasn’t hit her mother (that GF knows of) in a long time, GF is well aware that he’s an abuser and his behavior was not okay. These are cycles she’s determined to break. Her brother, already raising a child of his own, is nothing like that.
All this information has come to a head recently as my girlfriend is not out to her parents. They think she “made a good friend” because she currently lives with them and won’t be financially equipped to move out for another few months (though her brother has offered his home if things go totally sideways.) Unfortunately her mother confronted her a few days ago and forced her to come out. It was a whole mess (family is religious/homophobic, GF and I are religious/not assholes.) Thankfully her mother realizes they cannot tell her father right now while she lives at home and still adamantly wants a relationship with her daughter. But I have no doubt that this big secret now being even closer to the surface (and her father) has been hugely triggering.
GF will not stop apologizing for having texted less frequently since the forced outing. Meanwhile, I am not mad—I am fucking proud of her. She comforted her own mother who should’ve been comforting her. She notified me what was happening and that she might be harder to reach. She involved her mother’s therapist and is seeking a therapist of her own. I wish she gave herself even half the credit she deserved. She’s incredible.
I do not need advice on the logistics—ex: her moving out, there’s a timeline and a plan in place, and a safe place to go if everything goes to shit—but I DO need advice on how to be a supportive partner. I’ve never dated someone who was a survivor of childhood domestic violence before. I care about her so much. I want her to see herself the way I see her. Brilliant, resilient, giving, caring. I realize that I can’t singlehandedly replace friends or a therapist (both of which she has access to,) but I want to be the best girlfriend possible. How do you show love to someone whose earliest memories of “love” are violence and verbal abuse? How do I make her feel safe? I have talked to my own therapist about this, but I would love to hear personally from survivors and those who love them. This girl is the best thing that’s happened to me in such a long time. I want to treat her like it. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTW: violence, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, abuse of children, homophobia, biphobia, forced outing
I (24F) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for around 4 months now. We are both bisexual and have only dated men in the past. I developed a hunch after a few months that she had experienced something traumatic in her past, but I didn’t push the issue because I figured she would tell me when she was ready. She cannot take compliments and assumes they’re being said to make her feel better. She apologizes constantly. She never wants to be the one to make a decision and defers to whatever I want, even if I encourage her to choose something as simple as what restaurant for dinner. She’s dramatically more comfortable providing physical intimacy than receiving it, and even when she clearly wants to be intimate, she usually wants me to be the initiator. She behaves in the most loving way but is afraid to say “I love you” too soon. She shuts down well beyond standard introvert levels around new people, even though she’s talkative, goofy, and incredibly fun around people she’s comfortable with. She’s one of the kindest, most compassionate, most giving people I know, yet she is constantly terrified of accidentally “using” other people or taking advantage of me in some way. Mind you, she’s never spoken an unkind word to me, never been controlling, has a healthy support system of friends and is seeking a therapist. But she only ever seems to see the potential for the worst in herself.
So eventually, she did disclose to me what her childhood had been like. In her own words, her father was “abusive in basically every way.” He was verbally and emotionally aggressive to her, her brother, and their mother. He took his anger out by spanking the kids with a paddle to the point of bruises. And he smacked her mother across the face in front of her kids. While he has gotten “less bad” as he’s aged and hasn’t hit her mother (that GF knows of) in a long time, GF is well aware that he’s an abuser and his behavior was not okay. These are cycles she’s determined to break. Her brother, already raising a child of his own, is nothing like that.
All this information has come to a head recently as my girlfriend is not out to her parents. They think she “made a good friend” because she currently lives with them and won’t be financially equipped to move out for another few months (though her brother has offered his home if things go totally sideways.) Unfortunately her mother confronted her a few days ago and forced her to come out. It was a whole mess (family is religious/homophobic, GF and I are religious/not assholes.) Thankfully her mother realizes they cannot tell her father right now while she lives at home and still adamantly wants a relationship with her daughter. But I have no doubt that this big secret now being even closer to the surface (and her father) has been hugely triggering.
GF will not stop apologizing for having texted less frequently since the forced outing. Meanwhile, I am not mad—I am fucking proud of her. She comforted her own mother who should’ve been comforting her. She notified me what was happening and that she might be harder to reach. She involved her mother’s therapist and is seeking a therapist of her own. I wish she gave herself even half the credit she deserved. She’s incredible.
I do not need advice on the logistics—ex: her moving out, there’s a timeline and a plan in place, and a safe place to go if everything goes to shit—but I DO need advice on how to be a supportive partner. I’ve never dated someone who was a survivor of childhood domestic violence before. I care about her so much. I want her to see herself the way I see her. Brilliant, resilient, giving, caring. I realize that I can’t singlehandedly replace friends or a therapist (both of which she has access to,) but I want to be the best girlfriend possible. How do you show love to someone whose earliest memories of “love” are violence and verbal abuse? How do I make her feel safe? I have talked to my own therapist about this, but I would love to hear personally from survivors and those who love them. This girl is the best thing that’s happened to me in such a long time. I want to treat her like it. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend and I got into an argument because I wanted to plan my day around studying for school. I’m in the nursing program so I HAVE to study everyday. He first got upset when I mentioned going to study tomorrow with my classmate. I tried to calm him down by saying I’d get everything I need to done still. He said I don’t need to study tomorrow since I did that today with my classmate. It got quiet and I decided to leave and go to the room to finish my hw and study. He came to the room and said “why are you doing this”. I told him all I want to do is study, it’s not that big a deal. So he said I have other priorities..when will I have time for him. He was having people come over so we decided to talk about it later. I slammed the door on our way out the bedroom, I’ll admit that was wrong. He then turned around and grabbed me by the shoulders and kept pushing me back. He didn’t push me into the wall..but it did scare me. He was also getting in my face and said “why the fuck are you slamming doors” . I went back into the room to get away from him and he followed me saying it wasn’t even hard I’m over exaggerating. He then apologized..I don’t buy it tho. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right sub. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend and I got into an argument because I wanted to plan my day around studying for school. I’m in the nursing program so I HAVE to study everyday. He first got upset when I mentioned going to study tomorrow with my classmate. I tried to calm him down by saying I’d get everything I need to done still. He said I don’t need to study tomorrow since I did that today with my classmate. It got quiet and I decided to leave and go to the room to finish my hw and study. He came to the room and said “why are you doing this”. I told him all I want to do is study, it’s not that big a deal. So he said I have other priorities..when will I have time for him. He was having people come over so we decided to talk about it later. I slammed the door on our way out the bedroom, I’ll admit that was wrong. He then turned around and grabbed me by the shoulders and kept pushing me back. He didn’t push me into the wall..but it did scare me. He was also getting in my face and said “why the fuck are you slamming doors” . I went back into the room to get away from him and he followed me saying it wasn’t even hard I’m over exaggerating. He then apologized..I don’t buy it tho. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right sub. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhen me and my boyfriend fight it gets bad, he gets extremely nasty and I get very upset in return. He claims my emotions run high from the beginning of the fight so that’s why he gets so nasty, I disagree. Long story short he takes my phones and deletes whatever recordings of our arguments.
I need an app that while recording, it stays recording through alarms, phone calls, it doesn’t glow red at the top (I’m on iPhone) so he doesn’t realize I’m recording even while he uses my phone. ###Assistant:DV report procedure/Documentation | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhen me and my boyfriend fight it gets bad, he gets extremely nasty and I get very upset in return. He claims my emotions run high from the beginning of the fight so that’s why he gets so nasty, I disagree. Long story short he takes my phones and deletes whatever recordings of our arguments.
I need an app that while recording, it stays recording through alarms, phone calls, it doesn’t glow red at the top (I’m on iPhone) so he doesn’t realize I’m recording even while he uses my phone. [/INST] DV report procedure/Documentation </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentFirst time poster so sorry about the format. I just found out that my sister (30F) was head butted by her husband (30m) of 10 years. It was the first time they had gone out with friends in a while (covid) and they were both very drunk. They got into in argument and he literally head butted her, hard enough that she bled a little but not enough to knock her to the ground. She did call the cops and he got a temporary restraining order but she allowed him back in the house under the condition of not drinking. I feel sick to my stomach worrying about her but she said they’ve talked it out and that it’s the only time something like that has every happened in their 10+ years of being together. She is giving him the benefit of the doubt of it being a one time thing that will never happen again but my guy keeps thinking about how dv victims think it won’t happen again. So is it possible that it could really just have been a one time thing where there was just way too much alcohol? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentFirst time poster so sorry about the format. I just found out that my sister (30F) was head butted by her husband (30m) of 10 years. It was the first time they had gone out with friends in a while (covid) and they were both very drunk. They got into in argument and he literally head butted her, hard enough that she bled a little but not enough to knock her to the ground. She did call the cops and he got a temporary restraining order but she allowed him back in the house under the condition of not drinking. I feel sick to my stomach worrying about her but she said they’ve talked it out and that it’s the only time something like that has every happened in their 10+ years of being together. She is giving him the benefit of the doubt of it being a one time thing that will never happen again but my guy keeps thinking about how dv victims think it won’t happen again. So is it possible that it could really just have been a one time thing where there was just way too much alcohol? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo I’m 36 weeks pregnant. The father of my baby and I do not get a long because I won’t have sex with him. He told me he should have forced sex with me the last time I was with him and I made him stop. Every time I don’t have sex with him he becomes verbally abusive. And I can’t even see him without him touching me after I said no.
It’s getting to the point where I don’t even wanna share custody of my unborn daughter with him. Because he makes me feel intimidated and uncomfortable. I don’t know what to do. ###Assistant:Childbearing | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo I’m 36 weeks pregnant. The father of my baby and I do not get a long because I won’t have sex with him. He told me he should have forced sex with me the last time I was with him and I made him stop. Every time I don’t have sex with him he becomes verbally abusive. And I can’t even see him without him touching me after I said no.
It’s getting to the point where I don’t even wanna share custody of my unborn daughter with him. Because he makes me feel intimidated and uncomfortable. I don’t know what to do. [/INST] Childbearing </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMe (24F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for 3 years. We have a one year old together and I am currently expecting our second. I’ve been a stay at home mom up until about two weeks ago. I started to be really drained and depressed from the pregnancy hormones and really needed a break from watching my child 24/7.
I finally found a daycare that I love and It’s been nice because my son gets to hang out with other babies for about 4 hours everyday, while I either relax or work on other business plans. I’ve really seen a uplift in my mood since I’ve been getting a break.
Yesterday, my boyfriend told me he feels as though our child getting into daycare was a waste of time and money, since I’m not working and don’t do anything but sit on social media while he’s there. I tried to explain that it was deeper than that, and even agreed to get a job if that would make more sense. We argued and I began crying because hormones I guess and frustration, he was upset I was crying an poured out the coffee he bought me. I asked why he did that and he said “because I paid for it” so in retaliation, I poured his cup out and asked him how that felt. In response he raised his hand like he was going to hit me but instead filled a cup with warm water and threw it in my face in front of our son.
I was stunned but am not sure if this is a big deal. I can’t believe he would do this to me in front of our one year old. Is this the start to a relationship that’s destined to get violent? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMe (24F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for 3 years. We have a one year old together and I am currently expecting our second. I’ve been a stay at home mom up until about two weeks ago. I started to be really drained and depressed from the pregnancy hormones and really needed a break from watching my child 24/7.
I finally found a daycare that I love and It’s been nice because my son gets to hang out with other babies for about 4 hours everyday, while I either relax or work on other business plans. I’ve really seen a uplift in my mood since I’ve been getting a break.
Yesterday, my boyfriend told me he feels as though our child getting into daycare was a waste of time and money, since I’m not working and don’t do anything but sit on social media while he’s there. I tried to explain that it was deeper than that, and even agreed to get a job if that would make more sense. We argued and I began crying because hormones I guess and frustration, he was upset I was crying an poured out the coffee he bought me. I asked why he did that and he said “because I paid for it” so in retaliation, I poured his cup out and asked him how that felt. In response he raised his hand like he was going to hit me but instead filled a cup with warm water and threw it in my face in front of our son.
I was stunned but am not sure if this is a big deal. I can’t believe he would do this to me in front of our one year old. Is this the start to a relationship that’s destined to get violent? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHe signed off custody rights, the last thing he could use to control me.
My lawyer called me this morning to let me know.
I cried for 30 min, I thought I was going to cry in relieve. I felt so sad(?) Not about him, but for the life I had imagined when I married him.
I have been having flashbacks all day. It can only get better I hope. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHe signed off custody rights, the last thing he could use to control me.
My lawyer called me this morning to let me know.
I cried for 30 min, I thought I was going to cry in relieve. I felt so sad(?) Not about him, but for the life I had imagined when I married him.
I have been having flashbacks all day. It can only get better I hope. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband was forced to leave me and oir three young children because of his own decisions and actions. He had a police standoff and trashed our house and all my belongings. It was bad, my lawyer says it’s the worst he has ever seen, and it was not even the worst day we have had.
The more space I get, the more I slip back into thinking that maybe he is sorry and we can have some kind of healthy coparenting situation build up. Saturday morning, his mom contacted me and gave me a list of some of his things he wanted, and said he was going to get a mutual person to drop off some of my things and pick up some of his things. I complied with 90% of the things, and found a few extras. I knew it wasn’t the end. I knew he had more of mine, and I had more of his. I thought it was the beginning of goodwill and a basic degree of communication that didn’t involve lawyers. I was goi g to allow a Christmas Eve visit despite the restraining order, and a few supervised video chats. I was being generous. I forgot I’m working with someone who doesn’t think like me.
He wrote our nanny a long text that I’m fighting him on every joint asset and dragging this out (all because I wouldn’t give him two of the items he asked for, one was in use at the time, holding drying Christmas gifts, and the other is not his, he seems to have forget the van full of items I sent with no questions). He ended up saying something like, “If she’s scared of me, she will have all of my things ready Monday and stop dragging this out.” I take this as a threat. “If you’re scared, give me my stuff.” Maybe I’m overreacting, maybe he is just frustrated, but I’m upset enough that I’m thinking of canceling the Christmas visit and canceling the video chats. Then I flip flop backwards and think that’s punishing my kids. They’re young, they miss him. Ugh. It’s so hard to know what to do ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband was forced to leave me and oir three young children because of his own decisions and actions. He had a police standoff and trashed our house and all my belongings. It was bad, my lawyer says it’s the worst he has ever seen, and it was not even the worst day we have had.
The more space I get, the more I slip back into thinking that maybe he is sorry and we can have some kind of healthy coparenting situation build up. Saturday morning, his mom contacted me and gave me a list of some of his things he wanted, and said he was going to get a mutual person to drop off some of my things and pick up some of his things. I complied with 90% of the things, and found a few extras. I knew it wasn’t the end. I knew he had more of mine, and I had more of his. I thought it was the beginning of goodwill and a basic degree of communication that didn’t involve lawyers. I was goi g to allow a Christmas Eve visit despite the restraining order, and a few supervised video chats. I was being generous. I forgot I’m working with someone who doesn’t think like me.
He wrote our nanny a long text that I’m fighting him on every joint asset and dragging this out (all because I wouldn’t give him two of the items he asked for, one was in use at the time, holding drying Christmas gifts, and the other is not his, he seems to have forget the van full of items I sent with no questions). He ended up saying something like, “If she’s scared of me, she will have all of my things ready Monday and stop dragging this out.” I take this as a threat. “If you’re scared, give me my stuff.” Maybe I’m overreacting, maybe he is just frustrated, but I’m upset enough that I’m thinking of canceling the Christmas visit and canceling the video chats. Then I flip flop backwards and think that’s punishing my kids. They’re young, they miss him. Ugh. It’s so hard to know what to do [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo last night my husband was reading Calvin and Hobbes (which is great) to our daughter. They were reading for a while (which is great) but nothing was "haha" funny, just kind of funny. Then he got to this part where the mom says something like "if it weren't for \_\_\_\_ I'd be choking you right now" and my husband laughs about it.
The problem is about 10 years ago he strangled me and left bruises on my neck and face and chest and I was in pain for months every time I even swallowed water. Last night was perfect other than that. I didn't want to spoil the evening so I said nothing even though I found it very triggering and kind of bizzare on his part as I've explained to him that he can't make jokes about strangling people (he used to) since he HAS STRANGLED ME.
AITA for being so upset about it? And now it's the weekend and I don't want to wreck our weekend by saying something (he's a narcissist and so calling him on this would mean he's probably verbally abuse me and blame me for wrecking the weekend for all of us etc., it would mean a big fight).
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UPDATE: On Sunday night, so that I wouldn't "ruin the weekend" I calmly brought up that I due to what has happened between us I am not comfortable with how he laughed at a comic where Calvin's mom threatens to strangle him. He "what do you mean what happened?" I said "when you strangled me." He said "that was 10 years ago, I haven't thought about it since then." I said "well, I have because it happened to me." he then went on to say he didn't strangle me because I could breathe and he was just holding me down so I wouldn't get up and yell and I replied that I couldn't breathe and I couldn't scream and that he left bruises all over my chin, jaw, neck and chest and couldn't swallow without being in pain for about and he said "you never had bruises" and I said yes I did, and that that is called strangulation and months, then that went on for a little bit but eventually he did admit that that is strangulation and that that was a horrible thing to do and that it did happen and that he did do that. He then said he doesn't/hasn't laughed at people being strangled because that's not funny and he's not a sociopath. Then I reminded him that he came home from school one day and told me that this woman in his program was super annoying and that he was making jokes to his cohort that he was going to strangle her (and told me that and laughed about it) that at that time I told him I was not comfortable with him making strangulation jokes as HE HAS STRANGLED ME, and he said we never had that conversation (we did have that conversation) but eventually he let that go and just kept saying he's never laughed at anything like that. I reminded him that he laughed when a character on the show Barry got strangled and on the show Homeland one of the characters strangles someone and he laughed again and he said I was being weird in bringing stuff like that up. I said it's not weird, it happened, and he replied that I'm strangely trying to keep track of stuff to be upset about so I replied that I'm not keeping track, I remember those instances because they were very jarring and difficult for me. He said he would never do something like that (he did). BUT WHATEVER. I said fine, whatever, maybe I've misinterpreted, but we will never have to talk about this again if for as long as I live as long as he never laughs or takes lightly anything having to do with strangulation. He said fine, and that he got it. Then later he says to me that I have been holding a grudge. I said I am not holding a grudge, that this is a matter of personal safety, and what I feel isn't anger, it's concern for myself. I said he's a great husband otherwise, but I need him to be sensitive around this issue.
It seems we had a very productive, honest, good discussion and I feel the matter is settled. I actually feel really good about his responses. There was push back and denial and just blatant lack of memory (this is an issue in our relationship) but overall I think he gets it and will be respectful moving forward. He said he would be. I feel he was being honest and that there was a spirit of contrition in his reactions (after all the initial denials lol).
Thanks everyone, I feel like I couldn't have done it without you. It's hard to be in a place like this and always be second-guessing myself, your insights, feedback etc. has been very valuable to me. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo last night my husband was reading Calvin and Hobbes (which is great) to our daughter. They were reading for a while (which is great) but nothing was "haha" funny, just kind of funny. Then he got to this part where the mom says something like "if it weren't for \_\_\_\_ I'd be choking you right now" and my husband laughs about it.
The problem is about 10 years ago he strangled me and left bruises on my neck and face and chest and I was in pain for months every time I even swallowed water. Last night was perfect other than that. I didn't want to spoil the evening so I said nothing even though I found it very triggering and kind of bizzare on his part as I've explained to him that he can't make jokes about strangling people (he used to) since he HAS STRANGLED ME.
AITA for being so upset about it? And now it's the weekend and I don't want to wreck our weekend by saying something (he's a narcissist and so calling him on this would mean he's probably verbally abuse me and blame me for wrecking the weekend for all of us etc., it would mean a big fight).
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UPDATE: On Sunday night, so that I wouldn't "ruin the weekend" I calmly brought up that I due to what has happened between us I am not comfortable with how he laughed at a comic where Calvin's mom threatens to strangle him. He "what do you mean what happened?" I said "when you strangled me." He said "that was 10 years ago, I haven't thought about it since then." I said "well, I have because it happened to me." he then went on to say he didn't strangle me because I could breathe and he was just holding me down so I wouldn't get up and yell and I replied that I couldn't breathe and I couldn't scream and that he left bruises all over my chin, jaw, neck and chest and couldn't swallow without being in pain for about and he said "you never had bruises" and I said yes I did, and that that is called strangulation and months, then that went on for a little bit but eventually he did admit that that is strangulation and that that was a horrible thing to do and that it did happen and that he did do that. He then said he doesn't/hasn't laughed at people being strangled because that's not funny and he's not a sociopath. Then I reminded him that he came home from school one day and told me that this woman in his program was super annoying and that he was making jokes to his cohort that he was going to strangle her (and told me that and laughed about it) that at that time I told him I was not comfortable with him making strangulation jokes as HE HAS STRANGLED ME, and he said we never had that conversation (we did have that conversation) but eventually he let that go and just kept saying he's never laughed at anything like that. I reminded him that he laughed when a character on the show Barry got strangled and on the show Homeland one of the characters strangles someone and he laughed again and he said I was being weird in bringing stuff like that up. I said it's not weird, it happened, and he replied that I'm strangely trying to keep track of stuff to be upset about so I replied that I'm not keeping track, I remember those instances because they were very jarring and difficult for me. He said he would never do something like that (he did). BUT WHATEVER. I said fine, whatever, maybe I've misinterpreted, but we will never have to talk about this again if for as long as I live as long as he never laughs or takes lightly anything having to do with strangulation. He said fine, and that he got it. Then later he says to me that I have been holding a grudge. I said I am not holding a grudge, that this is a matter of personal safety, and what I feel isn't anger, it's concern for myself. I said he's a great husband otherwise, but I need him to be sensitive around this issue.
It seems we had a very productive, honest, good discussion and I feel the matter is settled. I actually feel really good about his responses. There was push back and denial and just blatant lack of memory (this is an issue in our relationship) but overall I think he gets it and will be respectful moving forward. He said he would be. I feel he was being honest and that there was a spirit of contrition in his reactions (after all the initial denials lol).
Thanks everyone, I feel like I couldn't have done it without you. It's hard to be in a place like this and always be second-guessing myself, your insights, feedback etc. has been very valuable to me. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s the first time anything physical happened. We got into a heated argument. When I saw he was quickly losing his temper and escalating, I told him to leave and take a drive to cool off. I pushed him toward the door and hit his arm. I was so afraid our daughter would hear him yelling, so I wanted him out of the house.
Instead of turning around and going out the door, he shoved me back so hard that I broke a bone.
He’s over a foot taller than me and has 60lbs on me…but I did admittedly it him in the arm first.
I’m just confused about what happened. I know I didn’t make a good choice either. But I flung across that room like a rag doll.
He wants to go to counseling. I don’t know what to do. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s the first time anything physical happened. We got into a heated argument. When I saw he was quickly losing his temper and escalating, I told him to leave and take a drive to cool off. I pushed him toward the door and hit his arm. I was so afraid our daughter would hear him yelling, so I wanted him out of the house.
Instead of turning around and going out the door, he shoved me back so hard that I broke a bone.
He’s over a foot taller than me and has 60lbs on me…but I did admittedly it him in the arm first.
I’m just confused about what happened. I know I didn’t make a good choice either. But I flung across that room like a rag doll.
He wants to go to counseling. I don’t know what to do. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWe come from different cultures and although I don't regard myself as a particularly culture-oriented person, my partner is very patriotic about his identity,language and culture and a die-hard fan of music from his people. This is to a point that he has zero tolerance of food or music from other ethnicities and culture and is never up to try anything new.
He is abusive and violent and we are kind of going in our separate directions, at least he is. I feel cheated by myself for still have such strong feelings for him, to a point that I would readily accept him back if only he acknowledged his mistakes. Which is never happening, just to be clear.
I find myself wondering if he would've treated me more human had I spoken his language, had a nice voice wherein I sang songs in his language and made food for him that he liked???
I hate to admit this but I feel like, when he does get serious about a woman after me or wants to put a ring on her, he will make sure she is from his culture and won't treat her this badly, the way he treated me, because in his head we were partners. And not spouses.
I'm saying this because I have seen him flirt with woman from his culture online and he turns into the nicest man, asking them how their day was, listening to them yapping about mundane things and responding in their language. Whereas when I would talk to him about my feelings, the response I would get would be "you are talking too much"
I honestly feel degraded and humiliated, because I tried my very best to make this work, giving him chances time and again to sort himself out until it dawned upon me that it boils down to his people and others. And I probably come under others.
The realisation was very painful and brutal, considering I spent 6 years in an abusive relationship, only to know that in his eyes I would never get the better version of him, only because I don't come under the category of his people. And because we both use a second language( that both of us are fluent in) to communicate with each other. But I guess at the end of the day second language can never replace mother tongue. And that's that. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWe come from different cultures and although I don't regard myself as a particularly culture-oriented person, my partner is very patriotic about his identity,language and culture and a die-hard fan of music from his people. This is to a point that he has zero tolerance of food or music from other ethnicities and culture and is never up to try anything new.
He is abusive and violent and we are kind of going in our separate directions, at least he is. I feel cheated by myself for still have such strong feelings for him, to a point that I would readily accept him back if only he acknowledged his mistakes. Which is never happening, just to be clear.
I find myself wondering if he would've treated me more human had I spoken his language, had a nice voice wherein I sang songs in his language and made food for him that he liked???
I hate to admit this but I feel like, when he does get serious about a woman after me or wants to put a ring on her, he will make sure she is from his culture and won't treat her this badly, the way he treated me, because in his head we were partners. And not spouses.
I'm saying this because I have seen him flirt with woman from his culture online and he turns into the nicest man, asking them how their day was, listening to them yapping about mundane things and responding in their language. Whereas when I would talk to him about my feelings, the response I would get would be "you are talking too much"
I honestly feel degraded and humiliated, because I tried my very best to make this work, giving him chances time and again to sort himself out until it dawned upon me that it boils down to his people and others. And I probably come under others.
The realisation was very painful and brutal, considering I spent 6 years in an abusive relationship, only to know that in his eyes I would never get the better version of him, only because I don't come under the category of his people. And because we both use a second language( that both of us are fluent in) to communicate with each other. But I guess at the end of the day second language can never replace mother tongue. And that's that. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIf you've been reading my posts you know what I've gone through to get where I am right now and it has been a long a hard journey. But I've made it this far and I'm really proud of myself for making it this far. However, I'm not out of the woods just yet.
My abuser somehow got a plea bargain for his case and gave me a phone number to call to tell the person that I would like to drop charges on him in which he will be home in a month or so.
I don't want to call the number. I refuse to do so because, in the past 2 weeks, I learned what he did to me was not normal, that it was abusive and insane and just generally dangerous for me as a person. If I call and drop the charges then I would be in much bigger danger than I was before. In the past 2 weeks, I learned how a normal relationship is supposed to function and how partners are supposed to treat each other. I also learn his intentions, what he was doing and why he was doing it. So I refuse to let myself fall into that trap again. I refuse to allow my dogs to have to go through animal abuse again.
I guess what I'm trying to ask here is what should I do now? Should I file a restraining order? My friend suggested that I should file a restraining order. His court hearing is tomorrow at 9 am and he may get a lesser sentence than what was originally given to him and I'm scared that once his sentence is over he is going to just come back in my life and I would be abuse once again. I have reached out to local support groups. I have close friends and family who are just a phone call away, but right now I am by myself. I am living alone in my current apartment complex that he knows the address to and how to get to. I am honestly scared for my life. I am making that change and taking that step to heal but I feel like it's not enough... ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIf you've been reading my posts you know what I've gone through to get where I am right now and it has been a long a hard journey. But I've made it this far and I'm really proud of myself for making it this far. However, I'm not out of the woods just yet.
My abuser somehow got a plea bargain for his case and gave me a phone number to call to tell the person that I would like to drop charges on him in which he will be home in a month or so.
I don't want to call the number. I refuse to do so because, in the past 2 weeks, I learned what he did to me was not normal, that it was abusive and insane and just generally dangerous for me as a person. If I call and drop the charges then I would be in much bigger danger than I was before. In the past 2 weeks, I learned how a normal relationship is supposed to function and how partners are supposed to treat each other. I also learn his intentions, what he was doing and why he was doing it. So I refuse to let myself fall into that trap again. I refuse to allow my dogs to have to go through animal abuse again.
I guess what I'm trying to ask here is what should I do now? Should I file a restraining order? My friend suggested that I should file a restraining order. His court hearing is tomorrow at 9 am and he may get a lesser sentence than what was originally given to him and I'm scared that once his sentence is over he is going to just come back in my life and I would be abuse once again. I have reached out to local support groups. I have close friends and family who are just a phone call away, but right now I am by myself. I am living alone in my current apartment complex that he knows the address to and how to get to. I am honestly scared for my life. I am making that change and taking that step to heal but I feel like it's not enough... [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left my husband last week after I noticed his behavior changing since I began struggling financially. When we dated he had gotten on top of me and covered my face so that I couldn’t breath, physically restrained me, and threw me onto the floor all on separate occasions. When I left that time he tried to sue me for rent money but the case was thrown out because I had photos of bruises.
His behavior the past couple of months started escalating where he’d put all his weight on me and wouldn’t get off unless I gave him a kiss or if I tried to shove him off he’d say I was being aggressive. He is now harassing me about rent money (I’ve gone no contact) he sent me a ridiculous agreement to sign and I told him I’m not signing it because first off I have no money due to him financially draining me, it also said nothing about removing my name from the lease (yet he wants me to send my key back), and that I left for a reason I don’t care if I’m legally bound to the lease and if my credit gets screwed up, I want nothing to do with him or the apartment. I knew after I left he’d begin with stalking behavior which he has never had an Instagram but the other day it suggested I should follow a new account that has his specific nickname. I was also walking my dog when I saw a car slow down and then speed up that was just like his, I couldn’t see the license plate, but my mom was able to find the clip on her Ring. After I refused to sign the agreement he included in his response “we will see what the judge says this time with my photos and evidence”. I dug my nails into him one of the times that he refused to get off of me and he took playfully took photos, the other evidence is when I was going through a miscarriage and swatted my hand at him after him telling me I can’t have kids because I’m cursed by God and that I’m going to hell, he began filming me saying I attacked him and was crazy and a demon. This is what I’m most nervous about because I did attempt to backhand his arm when he said this.
The night before I left the final straw was him blocking me from leaving a room twice and then claiming I pushed him when I squeezed past him to go lock myself in the other room. I could see he was trying to force me into positions where he’d say I was abusive when I tried to defend myself. He’s always said if I ever call the police on him he’d claim he was acting in self defense. The week before I left he thought it was funny to point a loaded AK 47 type of gun at the cats, when I asked him to stop he said the safety was on and that they liked it bc they were sniffing it.
I really don’t know if any of his behaviors will matter in court but I did not attack him in the way he is making it sound. I am not the abuser and the last time I tried to get a not contact through my school they retracted it after he called and said I was just trying to get out of paying rent money. I have spoken with an attorney and am getting a no contact order but I know he will try to bring this up against me.
Advice in this would be much appreciated, I’m terrified. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left my husband last week after I noticed his behavior changing since I began struggling financially. When we dated he had gotten on top of me and covered my face so that I couldn’t breath, physically restrained me, and threw me onto the floor all on separate occasions. When I left that time he tried to sue me for rent money but the case was thrown out because I had photos of bruises.
His behavior the past couple of months started escalating where he’d put all his weight on me and wouldn’t get off unless I gave him a kiss or if I tried to shove him off he’d say I was being aggressive. He is now harassing me about rent money (I’ve gone no contact) he sent me a ridiculous agreement to sign and I told him I’m not signing it because first off I have no money due to him financially draining me, it also said nothing about removing my name from the lease (yet he wants me to send my key back), and that I left for a reason I don’t care if I’m legally bound to the lease and if my credit gets screwed up, I want nothing to do with him or the apartment. I knew after I left he’d begin with stalking behavior which he has never had an Instagram but the other day it suggested I should follow a new account that has his specific nickname. I was also walking my dog when I saw a car slow down and then speed up that was just like his, I couldn’t see the license plate, but my mom was able to find the clip on her Ring. After I refused to sign the agreement he included in his response “we will see what the judge says this time with my photos and evidence”. I dug my nails into him one of the times that he refused to get off of me and he took playfully took photos, the other evidence is when I was going through a miscarriage and swatted my hand at him after him telling me I can’t have kids because I’m cursed by God and that I’m going to hell, he began filming me saying I attacked him and was crazy and a demon. This is what I’m most nervous about because I did attempt to backhand his arm when he said this.
The night before I left the final straw was him blocking me from leaving a room twice and then claiming I pushed him when I squeezed past him to go lock myself in the other room. I could see he was trying to force me into positions where he’d say I was abusive when I tried to defend myself. He’s always said if I ever call the police on him he’d claim he was acting in self defense. The week before I left he thought it was funny to point a loaded AK 47 type of gun at the cats, when I asked him to stop he said the safety was on and that they liked it bc they were sniffing it.
I really don’t know if any of his behaviors will matter in court but I did not attack him in the way he is making it sound. I am not the abuser and the last time I tried to get a not contact through my school they retracted it after he called and said I was just trying to get out of paying rent money. I have spoken with an attorney and am getting a no contact order but I know he will try to bring this up against me.
Advice in this would be much appreciated, I’m terrified. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentA friend (F27) who lives a few hours outside of the city with her kid has reached out to me (F35) recently. Her boyfriend has become very physically abusive towards her in the last months, and she is wanting to get out.
In terms of emotional support, what are things to say or not say to help her though this. Among other things, she's talked a lot about feeling guilty and conflicted for having loved/still loving this man.
I'm particularly concerned about her "forgiving and forgetting", and continuing in the abusive relationship. I want to encourage her to stick with her choice to get out, without making her feel like I'm being pushy... does that make sense? I don't want to say the wrong thing.
I've not lived through a situation like hers, and I want to make sure I offer helpful and comforting support, and I'd love some advice on the matter. ###Assistant:DV report procedure/Documentation | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentA friend (F27) who lives a few hours outside of the city with her kid has reached out to me (F35) recently. Her boyfriend has become very physically abusive towards her in the last months, and she is wanting to get out.
In terms of emotional support, what are things to say or not say to help her though this. Among other things, she's talked a lot about feeling guilty and conflicted for having loved/still loving this man.
I'm particularly concerned about her "forgiving and forgetting", and continuing in the abusive relationship. I want to encourage her to stick with her choice to get out, without making her feel like I'm being pushy... does that make sense? I don't want to say the wrong thing.
I've not lived through a situation like hers, and I want to make sure I offer helpful and comforting support, and I'd love some advice on the matter. [/INST] DV report procedure/Documentation </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentDescribing my situation with some (very brief) details of the violence:
During a fight at the beginning of the year, he nearly suffocated me and gave me a concussion. There hasn't been any of that type of violence between us since then except one time after a verbal argument, where he more or less said, 'I want to do that to you again but I won't'. I've moved in and out of the house since but after experiencing worsening PCS (post concussion syndrome) symptoms am now back again, trying to focus on recovering some of my health which I've felt moving around so much has not helped me do. This is his apartment. Before I moved in, I was living in a rental that was affordable to me at the time, however, is no longer since I only just finished school when I moved into here, the pandemic had just started and am now still mostly not working and am still pretty sick from PCS (read as: I cannot afford my own place right now). He is gone a lot of the time (weeks at a time) and will continue to be until the summer, when he leaves for work for a full 3-4 months. I am in ongoing therapy and he has gone to a few therapy sessions that afterwards seems to give him a positive shift in perspective. I am pretty convinced at this point that I will need to leave the house and the relationship eventually. However, I also want to focus on doing the things that make me feel like I am on the right track for my recovery. And when I was moved out, I was really struggling with finding a situation where I could be more comfortable than I am here (sans fights). Right now, it honestly feels to me that I am in the best worst case scenario although I realize it is still risky. He did do me serious harm. He could have even ended my life. I don't think that is what he was trying to do and I also don't think he would purposefully do that, although of course I have read the statistics about abuse escalating. Considering all the pros and cons, I feel that for myself, right now, I am leaning towards staying (maybe at longest until the summer when he is gone for the longer period of time) and focusing on my health and recovery as being the best option for me.
My question for the community is:
If you were in my shoes, what would you do and over what period of time? I am looking forward to hearing more perspectives, especially given that I do, in fact, have brain trauma that is no doubt affecting my reasoning skills.
One more thing that I will add for those who have never had brain trauma before:
In my experience of living with PCS, it is like having a very strict limit on your energy level. It feels like I wake up with a set amount of energy to try to do the things I want to do, hoping that at least some of those things are what will eventually help me to make a full recovery and/or give myself an energy boost for upcoming days. I try to eat some brain food, do a couple social things, do some chores, do some exercise, enjoy some screen time, knowing that if I push myself too much in anything that I could bust and 'lose' the rest of my day. I'm finding that pacing myself is very important. A 'bust' may not be life threatening (as far as I know) but it has its consequences and sometimes I feel the effects of a bust for days, weeks. At least for me it is a big factor in knowing that if/when I do move out again, it will take a lot of my energy to do so.
Woof, I'm tired now. thanks for reading through! Hoping to hear some constructive thoughts! ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentDescribing my situation with some (very brief) details of the violence:
During a fight at the beginning of the year, he nearly suffocated me and gave me a concussion. There hasn't been any of that type of violence between us since then except one time after a verbal argument, where he more or less said, 'I want to do that to you again but I won't'. I've moved in and out of the house since but after experiencing worsening PCS (post concussion syndrome) symptoms am now back again, trying to focus on recovering some of my health which I've felt moving around so much has not helped me do. This is his apartment. Before I moved in, I was living in a rental that was affordable to me at the time, however, is no longer since I only just finished school when I moved into here, the pandemic had just started and am now still mostly not working and am still pretty sick from PCS (read as: I cannot afford my own place right now). He is gone a lot of the time (weeks at a time) and will continue to be until the summer, when he leaves for work for a full 3-4 months. I am in ongoing therapy and he has gone to a few therapy sessions that afterwards seems to give him a positive shift in perspective. I am pretty convinced at this point that I will need to leave the house and the relationship eventually. However, I also want to focus on doing the things that make me feel like I am on the right track for my recovery. And when I was moved out, I was really struggling with finding a situation where I could be more comfortable than I am here (sans fights). Right now, it honestly feels to me that I am in the best worst case scenario although I realize it is still risky. He did do me serious harm. He could have even ended my life. I don't think that is what he was trying to do and I also don't think he would purposefully do that, although of course I have read the statistics about abuse escalating. Considering all the pros and cons, I feel that for myself, right now, I am leaning towards staying (maybe at longest until the summer when he is gone for the longer period of time) and focusing on my health and recovery as being the best option for me.
My question for the community is:
If you were in my shoes, what would you do and over what period of time? I am looking forward to hearing more perspectives, especially given that I do, in fact, have brain trauma that is no doubt affecting my reasoning skills.
One more thing that I will add for those who have never had brain trauma before:
In my experience of living with PCS, it is like having a very strict limit on your energy level. It feels like I wake up with a set amount of energy to try to do the things I want to do, hoping that at least some of those things are what will eventually help me to make a full recovery and/or give myself an energy boost for upcoming days. I try to eat some brain food, do a couple social things, do some chores, do some exercise, enjoy some screen time, knowing that if I push myself too much in anything that I could bust and 'lose' the rest of my day. I'm finding that pacing myself is very important. A 'bust' may not be life threatening (as far as I know) but it has its consequences and sometimes I feel the effects of a bust for days, weeks. At least for me it is a big factor in knowing that if/when I do move out again, it will take a lot of my energy to do so.
Woof, I'm tired now. thanks for reading through! Hoping to hear some constructive thoughts! [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content *POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING*
Has this happened to anyone else? I ended up experiencing what I think was maybe reactive abuse the last 4/5 months of the 3 years we were together. After years of name calling, being pushed up against walls, things being broken, arms grabbed, told women like me deserved to be hit, etc. I finally snapped one night and hit him after being yelled at and cornered for an hour or so. I don’t even really remember what happened besides him telling me I’m ugly, no guy would ever want me, and he could have any girl and if I left I would regret it. I immediately felt like sh** and apologized and he was like see its you you’re the problem. Maybe I was I’m unsure. I just noticed the last few months after attempting to go on a date and not being able to follow through with another. I can’t trust anyone and now I don’t even know if I trust myself. I was okay the first 9 months, but all of a sudden lately I just feel depressed, I have no sense of direction, I don’t think I trust anyone. I dream about the last 3 years sometimes. There’s a lot more gorey details. But, I just wanna know if anyone else felt like this and what they did to overcome it. If possible.
edit: to add trigger warning ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content *POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING*
Has this happened to anyone else? I ended up experiencing what I think was maybe reactive abuse the last 4/5 months of the 3 years we were together. After years of name calling, being pushed up against walls, things being broken, arms grabbed, told women like me deserved to be hit, etc. I finally snapped one night and hit him after being yelled at and cornered for an hour or so. I don’t even really remember what happened besides him telling me I’m ugly, no guy would ever want me, and he could have any girl and if I left I would regret it. I immediately felt like sh** and apologized and he was like see its you you’re the problem. Maybe I was I’m unsure. I just noticed the last few months after attempting to go on a date and not being able to follow through with another. I can’t trust anyone and now I don’t even know if I trust myself. I was okay the first 9 months, but all of a sudden lately I just feel depressed, I have no sense of direction, I don’t think I trust anyone. I dream about the last 3 years sometimes. There’s a lot more gorey details. But, I just wanna know if anyone else felt like this and what they did to overcome it. If possible.
edit: to add trigger warning [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIn December my ex fractured my arm, then left, taking all the money and all my support. I put him thru school, gave him everything. He started using drugs and was randomly damaging property in our rental home and my car. It's so tough loosing everything. I feel like a complete waste of space and wonder why I would chose to keep going? There's a lot more, but I think I'll have to end now. Thanx to anyone who takes the time to read. I wish everyone a kind and compassionate day and night. x Eyegetu ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIn December my ex fractured my arm, then left, taking all the money and all my support. I put him thru school, gave him everything. He started using drugs and was randomly damaging property in our rental home and my car. It's so tough loosing everything. I feel like a complete waste of space and wonder why I would chose to keep going? There's a lot more, but I think I'll have to end now. Thanx to anyone who takes the time to read. I wish everyone a kind and compassionate day and night. x Eyegetu [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHey so I was with a guy for 3 years and he broke me down so bad that I lost myself before I got with him I had one child and life was amazing then we had a child together and I saw red flags and ignored the because it was only a few fast forward to me moving to his state and having his daughter that’s when the abuse started I shook it off and believed he wasn’t gonna hit me again and I was kid right it led to him choking me out every time I didn’t submit or do what he wanted me to do, I was forced to have sex when I didn’t want to or I was accused of cheating and that was another fight now here I am homeless and 4 months pregnant with twins that’s now kids 3 and 4 and I have 2 kids already and to be honest I’m far from excited about having them I know it may change when I have them but rn I despise being pregnant by this man he’s living his life and doing everything that he wants to do and I’m pregnant and can’t work till I give birth And then the struggle and stress of being a single mom of 4 , I sometimes wonder if I should have got a abortion like he was trying to force me into 💔 is it ok to not feel excited about being pregnant with twins by a man who like to use me as his punching bag
Signed AM I THE ASSHOLE MOM FOR NOT BEING EXTREMELY EXCITED ABOUT HAVING TWINS ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHey so I was with a guy for 3 years and he broke me down so bad that I lost myself before I got with him I had one child and life was amazing then we had a child together and I saw red flags and ignored the because it was only a few fast forward to me moving to his state and having his daughter that’s when the abuse started I shook it off and believed he wasn’t gonna hit me again and I was kid right it led to him choking me out every time I didn’t submit or do what he wanted me to do, I was forced to have sex when I didn’t want to or I was accused of cheating and that was another fight now here I am homeless and 4 months pregnant with twins that’s now kids 3 and 4 and I have 2 kids already and to be honest I’m far from excited about having them I know it may change when I have them but rn I despise being pregnant by this man he’s living his life and doing everything that he wants to do and I’m pregnant and can’t work till I give birth And then the struggle and stress of being a single mom of 4 , I sometimes wonder if I should have got a abortion like he was trying to force me into 💔 is it ok to not feel excited about being pregnant with twins by a man who like to use me as his punching bag
Signed AM I THE ASSHOLE MOM FOR NOT BEING EXTREMELY EXCITED ABOUT HAVING TWINS [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s been two years, almost three since the two incidents. I literally left to another part of the world. Yet they follow me . I’m in therapy and they’re less frequent but still present ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s been two years, almost three since the two incidents. I literally left to another part of the world. Yet they follow me . I’m in therapy and they’re less frequent but still present [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is the millionth time I've tried to write this.
I NEED resources ASAP. He terminated our lease, because "I wanted him to". I've planned out this move SO many times, and he has pulled the rug from under EVERY plan. Either he is doing something else, or he's upset I assumed he was doing something else. He says he's giving me money, but won't say how much or even when. I have TWO weeks left to find a place AND a job in Illinois. My oldest is on the spectrum. I have to do this structured. I keep being told moving companies offer help, but the ones I called say it's someone else that does it. WHO does that? Do you know of ANY remote jobs out there that aren't scams? I estimate needing to gross 3k to pay rent. My kids are picking up on my stress... I've BEEN homeless before. It took a whole decade to get where I am now, and this whole thing is so triggering. He's using my success as a survivor as a weapon. He laughed when I cried about having to leave everything I've worked SO hard to build. I have NO help, and yes, I did a GoFundMe. Unfortunately, having to avoid identifying information made it go over like a lead balloon. My brain is so fried from all the added stress I can't think straight.. I'm at the end of my rope. Please. Any helpful advice or encouragement. I'm tired. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is the millionth time I've tried to write this.
I NEED resources ASAP. He terminated our lease, because "I wanted him to". I've planned out this move SO many times, and he has pulled the rug from under EVERY plan. Either he is doing something else, or he's upset I assumed he was doing something else. He says he's giving me money, but won't say how much or even when. I have TWO weeks left to find a place AND a job in Illinois. My oldest is on the spectrum. I have to do this structured. I keep being told moving companies offer help, but the ones I called say it's someone else that does it. WHO does that? Do you know of ANY remote jobs out there that aren't scams? I estimate needing to gross 3k to pay rent. My kids are picking up on my stress... I've BEEN homeless before. It took a whole decade to get where I am now, and this whole thing is so triggering. He's using my success as a survivor as a weapon. He laughed when I cried about having to leave everything I've worked SO hard to build. I have NO help, and yes, I did a GoFundMe. Unfortunately, having to avoid identifying information made it go over like a lead balloon. My brain is so fried from all the added stress I can't think straight.. I'm at the end of my rope. Please. Any helpful advice or encouragement. I'm tired. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhile I was pregnant my dad put his hands on me 2x. My daughter is 9 months now. I want to move out. It’s going to be hard but I can do it. He threatened to slap me over a damn charger I borrowed. Instead of asking me where I put his charger, he was on the phone talking shit about me to his girlfriend who is abusive to him just as he’s abusive to her. Just pray for me. I want my daughter to be somewhere where no one feels the need to threaten or get violent over disagreements. ###Assistant:Housing | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhile I was pregnant my dad put his hands on me 2x. My daughter is 9 months now. I want to move out. It’s going to be hard but I can do it. He threatened to slap me over a damn charger I borrowed. Instead of asking me where I put his charger, he was on the phone talking shit about me to his girlfriend who is abusive to him just as he’s abusive to her. Just pray for me. I want my daughter to be somewhere where no one feels the need to threaten or get violent over disagreements. [/INST] Housing </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHello guys, I am 29. My father who is 61 constantly beats my mum even though she is a cancer patient. He never cares about what other people feel. When I raise my voice against him, he says its none of my business. He is basically a clear psychopath who is addicted to alcohol. I also suspect he is weak with women and has external affairs. Being in constant stress over the past 10 years, lead to me developing psoriasis and got me into depression. I am planning to move out of my country to study abroad and take my mum with me. Please guide on how to survive until then because he constantly beats me up too. He has even bitten me once and spit on my face. I am trying to be patient as much as possible but its wearing out. I have developed anxiety and depression because of him. Any advice/tips/life lessons on how to face this situation and handling it will be much helpful to me. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHello guys, I am 29. My father who is 61 constantly beats my mum even though she is a cancer patient. He never cares about what other people feel. When I raise my voice against him, he says its none of my business. He is basically a clear psychopath who is addicted to alcohol. I also suspect he is weak with women and has external affairs. Being in constant stress over the past 10 years, lead to me developing psoriasis and got me into depression. I am planning to move out of my country to study abroad and take my mum with me. Please guide on how to survive until then because he constantly beats me up too. He has even bitten me once and spit on my face. I am trying to be patient as much as possible but its wearing out. I have developed anxiety and depression because of him. Any advice/tips/life lessons on how to face this situation and handling it will be much helpful to me. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAm I the only one who feels like this? I kept the abuse a secret so long that nobody believes me except the police. A couple of months ago he fractured my skull and beat me so severely that the police were begging me to press charges. I was scared so I didn’t.
Flash to last weekend where he put a piece of cloth around my neck and strangled me until I almost passed out. I couldn’t take any more. This time when asked I pressed charges. He was arrested that same day but I feel like a piece of disloyal garbage. I love him deeply but I know he’s going to kill me if things continues down the path they were on. Any advice on how I can overcome this overwhelming sense of guilt for pressing charges? ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAm I the only one who feels like this? I kept the abuse a secret so long that nobody believes me except the police. A couple of months ago he fractured my skull and beat me so severely that the police were begging me to press charges. I was scared so I didn’t.
Flash to last weekend where he put a piece of cloth around my neck and strangled me until I almost passed out. I couldn’t take any more. This time when asked I pressed charges. He was arrested that same day but I feel like a piece of disloyal garbage. I love him deeply but I know he’s going to kill me if things continues down the path they were on. Any advice on how I can overcome this overwhelming sense of guilt for pressing charges? [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy partner has ptsd from foster homes, abusive adoptive mother and ex partner experience. I had an emotionally abusive father who drank a lot.
~~I have had worse nights than this~~, but this isn't a picnic. This rates just under the worst night now.
Tonight, they screamed in my ear after drinking a bunch, and then told me the dogs tripped em and glasses fell behind the tv. I looked quickly, not there. I didn't even have a chance to say anything and immediately I didn't look hard enough bc I'm lazy and stupid.
(I work ft, they can't at all atm due to health issues even before covid. We can't afford dr bills for the needed treatment, and it's a vicious cycle.)
They yelled into each of my ears at dif times tonight bc I couldn't find the glasses they lost. Doesn't even matter they can't tell me when they last had them, only that I am at fault now and always. I'm "garbage", I'm "a slob", I'm "lazy", I'm "to not be trusted"...
After I couldn't find them the first time, punching the couch in front of me while in front of me and yelling at me to go to bed was answer. I did.
Not surprisingly, not even 10 min later, they forgot the series of events as they occurred, barged into bedroom I cannot lock nor barricade and pushed me into the living room to look again...bc they had been waiting "all night". I'm balling, terrified bc I know I could end up bruised tomorrow and terrified of the person I love and trust.
Can't find the glasses still, looking everywhere I can, no luck. Being mocked and put down entire time but told that they need me bc they can't see. Now I can't see bc I'm crying so hard from my head and heart pounding from the yelling and pushing. I'm "worthless", I'm "stupid", it's all my fault, but they need me...they need me?
Can't find it, get pushed into kitchen on floor as I stood there hunched over protecting my face. Hit floor, head hurts, heart hurts, crying. Please don't hurt me anymore I start repeating over and over as I cry and beg for mercy bc I can't find something I didn't lose. I got lucky bc I think he recognized my pleas as similar to his past and he let me go back to bed to hide again.
I hate ptsd, I hate myself, I hate that if it wasn't for alcohol and ptsd and depression I wouldn't be here. And I hate that I make excuses...and have no friends other than my parents whom I won't involve in this mess more than I already have. I don't trust the police to not make things 10x worse.
Update: got pushed around to different rooms for over 2 hours tonight, broken things in the house and it looks like we were robbed with everything tossed. I was grabbed, pushed, dodged punches, strangled, and my wrists twisted. I think this means I need a divorce, but I can't kick them out, I don't want them to commit suicide over it, and can't trust the place to not get trashed if I leave. They threatened to burn it all at one point. And I still love them...?
Thank you for hearing me out. Any feedback is welcome, just please be gentle and understanding as much as possible. This is a tosser acct bc they know my other ones. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy partner has ptsd from foster homes, abusive adoptive mother and ex partner experience. I had an emotionally abusive father who drank a lot.
~~I have had worse nights than this~~, but this isn't a picnic. This rates just under the worst night now.
Tonight, they screamed in my ear after drinking a bunch, and then told me the dogs tripped em and glasses fell behind the tv. I looked quickly, not there. I didn't even have a chance to say anything and immediately I didn't look hard enough bc I'm lazy and stupid.
(I work ft, they can't at all atm due to health issues even before covid. We can't afford dr bills for the needed treatment, and it's a vicious cycle.)
They yelled into each of my ears at dif times tonight bc I couldn't find the glasses they lost. Doesn't even matter they can't tell me when they last had them, only that I am at fault now and always. I'm "garbage", I'm "a slob", I'm "lazy", I'm "to not be trusted"...
After I couldn't find them the first time, punching the couch in front of me while in front of me and yelling at me to go to bed was answer. I did.
Not surprisingly, not even 10 min later, they forgot the series of events as they occurred, barged into bedroom I cannot lock nor barricade and pushed me into the living room to look again...bc they had been waiting "all night". I'm balling, terrified bc I know I could end up bruised tomorrow and terrified of the person I love and trust.
Can't find the glasses still, looking everywhere I can, no luck. Being mocked and put down entire time but told that they need me bc they can't see. Now I can't see bc I'm crying so hard from my head and heart pounding from the yelling and pushing. I'm "worthless", I'm "stupid", it's all my fault, but they need me...they need me?
Can't find it, get pushed into kitchen on floor as I stood there hunched over protecting my face. Hit floor, head hurts, heart hurts, crying. Please don't hurt me anymore I start repeating over and over as I cry and beg for mercy bc I can't find something I didn't lose. I got lucky bc I think he recognized my pleas as similar to his past and he let me go back to bed to hide again.
I hate ptsd, I hate myself, I hate that if it wasn't for alcohol and ptsd and depression I wouldn't be here. And I hate that I make excuses...and have no friends other than my parents whom I won't involve in this mess more than I already have. I don't trust the police to not make things 10x worse.
Update: got pushed around to different rooms for over 2 hours tonight, broken things in the house and it looks like we were robbed with everything tossed. I was grabbed, pushed, dodged punches, strangled, and my wrists twisted. I think this means I need a divorce, but I can't kick them out, I don't want them to commit suicide over it, and can't trust the place to not get trashed if I leave. They threatened to burn it all at one point. And I still love them...?
Thank you for hearing me out. Any feedback is welcome, just please be gentle and understanding as much as possible. This is a tosser acct bc they know my other ones. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAs I said in my last post I would try and break up with my "abusive" boyfriend but I couldn't do it.
I went to his house and After eating lunch with him and hanging out I tried to breakup with him. I told him I wanted to talk to him about something and he said "Be very careful with your words." and he sorta looked down at me, he's taller, I got scared. I've had a little fear that he would get angry at me and hit me or force himself onto me so I hesitated and didn't tell him that I wanted to breakup. I simply said Never mind. Is there anything I could do to make it easier to breakup with him. ###Assistant:Safety planning | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAs I said in my last post I would try and break up with my "abusive" boyfriend but I couldn't do it.
I went to his house and After eating lunch with him and hanging out I tried to breakup with him. I told him I wanted to talk to him about something and he said "Be very careful with your words." and he sorta looked down at me, he's taller, I got scared. I've had a little fear that he would get angry at me and hit me or force himself onto me so I hesitated and didn't tell him that I wanted to breakup. I simply said Never mind. Is there anything I could do to make it easier to breakup with him. [/INST] Safety planning </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentUpdate: the court found no evidence of abuse and he has gained 50/50 custody. All he has to do is take a abuse class. Ugh. She is so defeated
Hello, I am hoping you can help me. My friend has left her abusive husband and we filed a restraining order for her last week. The trial is this week and I am worried we don’t have enough evidence. Right now we only have dates and times of abusive events. We don’t have any pictures (her phone was smashed and she hadn’t backed up pictures). We do have one threat on text that is pretty intense but that’s it. Is that going to be enough? She is scared and I am scared for her. I am worried they won’t grant it for her and her children and he will become enraged. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much. ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentUpdate: the court found no evidence of abuse and he has gained 50/50 custody. All he has to do is take a abuse class. Ugh. She is so defeated
Hello, I am hoping you can help me. My friend has left her abusive husband and we filed a restraining order for her last week. The trial is this week and I am worried we don’t have enough evidence. Right now we only have dates and times of abusive events. We don’t have any pictures (her phone was smashed and she hadn’t backed up pictures). We do have one threat on text that is pretty intense but that’s it. Is that going to be enough? She is scared and I am scared for her. I am worried they won’t grant it for her and her children and he will become enraged. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much. [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband and I haven’t had the best time during my pregnancy. I’m 30 weeks pregnant and haven’t been able to let me husband back in the home for a week because of a restraining order. I want him to be there for the birth of our child in 9 weeks, I also want him around but my family is trying to keep him away from me and I’m still having anxiety attacks daily over the whole situation.
A few months ago I confronted my husband over where our money from our savings had went. He choked me in the hallway next to our bedroom during an argument about me wanting to know what happened to it and him saying it was none of my business and I’m crazy. He also broke my laptop and iPad a few days prior and I’m a graphic designer and we don’t have much savings anymore because of the pandemic we’re very strapped for cash right now and couldn’t replace them.
Last week we were in an argument because I wanted him to stop smoking so much weed and he called me annoying and said I need to be submissive. Then he threw my wedding band out the window. And two days after that I was out on a two mile walk with the dog and when I got back he was in a mood and ended up hitting me several times as hard as he could in my right arm and biting me. I was so upset I called the police and now I regret it.
He suffers from PTSD and I have been trying to get him to go get treatment for it and his anger problems because 95% of the time he’s amazing. Romantic, nurturing, loving and helpful. He does things for me all the time without me asking. He’s the perfect partner 95% of the time. But being locked up together and both of us having difficulties during Covid lockdown has made us argue more then ever.
Currently there’s a restraining order and he can’t be around me until we can change that. But the court doesn’t want to make changes until the next court date. I need that to stop now.
Here’s my other problem. Because I went to the hospital that day my parents are extremely worried and because they are both retired they have been taking turns driving the two hour trip to where I live to keep me company. It hasn’t been that bad but I really miss my husband.
I’m having extreme feelings of anxiety everyday and have attacks where I have trouble breathing and start crying uncontrollably. My family is almost forcing me to give up on my marriage because of all of this and I’m not ready to. Because my father was a judge for over 30 years he’s delt with many many cases and keeps telling me it’s going to keep escalating until I’m dead or my son is hurt. He thinks my husband can’t change in enough time for the birth of my son and is doing a good job of talking to me about everything during this time. I tell him honestly how I feel and he explains to me that everything I’m feeling is normal and a lot of women go through this but he’s convinced my husband will always be an abuser.
Help. What do I do here. I love my husband... I love my son. I want to have a family with them but I also don’t want to be hurt anymore. When do I know if he’s had enough counseling? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband and I haven’t had the best time during my pregnancy. I’m 30 weeks pregnant and haven’t been able to let me husband back in the home for a week because of a restraining order. I want him to be there for the birth of our child in 9 weeks, I also want him around but my family is trying to keep him away from me and I’m still having anxiety attacks daily over the whole situation.
A few months ago I confronted my husband over where our money from our savings had went. He choked me in the hallway next to our bedroom during an argument about me wanting to know what happened to it and him saying it was none of my business and I’m crazy. He also broke my laptop and iPad a few days prior and I’m a graphic designer and we don’t have much savings anymore because of the pandemic we’re very strapped for cash right now and couldn’t replace them.
Last week we were in an argument because I wanted him to stop smoking so much weed and he called me annoying and said I need to be submissive. Then he threw my wedding band out the window. And two days after that I was out on a two mile walk with the dog and when I got back he was in a mood and ended up hitting me several times as hard as he could in my right arm and biting me. I was so upset I called the police and now I regret it.
He suffers from PTSD and I have been trying to get him to go get treatment for it and his anger problems because 95% of the time he’s amazing. Romantic, nurturing, loving and helpful. He does things for me all the time without me asking. He’s the perfect partner 95% of the time. But being locked up together and both of us having difficulties during Covid lockdown has made us argue more then ever.
Currently there’s a restraining order and he can’t be around me until we can change that. But the court doesn’t want to make changes until the next court date. I need that to stop now.
Here’s my other problem. Because I went to the hospital that day my parents are extremely worried and because they are both retired they have been taking turns driving the two hour trip to where I live to keep me company. It hasn’t been that bad but I really miss my husband.
I’m having extreme feelings of anxiety everyday and have attacks where I have trouble breathing and start crying uncontrollably. My family is almost forcing me to give up on my marriage because of all of this and I’m not ready to. Because my father was a judge for over 30 years he’s delt with many many cases and keeps telling me it’s going to keep escalating until I’m dead or my son is hurt. He thinks my husband can’t change in enough time for the birth of my son and is doing a good job of talking to me about everything during this time. I tell him honestly how I feel and he explains to me that everything I’m feeling is normal and a lot of women go through this but he’s convinced my husband will always be an abuser.
Help. What do I do here. I love my husband... I love my son. I want to have a family with them but I also don’t want to be hurt anymore. When do I know if he’s had enough counseling? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI really seem to severely struggle at the gynecologist after years of sexual abuse by my ex. We’ve been no contact for over two years but it’s still incredibly challenging for me. I panic, feel very painful, start getting lightheaded etc. I was never like this before the abuse. Anyone else? ###Assistant:Healthcare information (counselling, psychiatrist, doctor etc.) | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI really seem to severely struggle at the gynecologist after years of sexual abuse by my ex. We’ve been no contact for over two years but it’s still incredibly challenging for me. I panic, feel very painful, start getting lightheaded etc. I was never like this before the abuse. Anyone else? [/INST] Healthcare information (counselling, psychiatrist, doctor etc.) </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI think I may be being abused by my partner. I don’t want to give too much information and dox myself. I am a mother of 7. We’ve been together for 6 years. He wants more kids. It’s never enough. He expects me to do everything. Sometimes, when he comes home, if I don’t have the place perfect for him or the kids are too loud he threatens me and the children. He said if I don’t let him get me pregnant again he will kill me. I just gave birth last week, and he’s already saying we should have sex, which he has never dine before. He expects me to be okay by this weekend. He also won’t let me leave the house, unless he is not home but it’s hard with 4 kids under 4 with me. He has never hit me or my kids, but he threats to. He also ripped my car door off. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI think I may be being abused by my partner. I don’t want to give too much information and dox myself. I am a mother of 7. We’ve been together for 6 years. He wants more kids. It’s never enough. He expects me to do everything. Sometimes, when he comes home, if I don’t have the place perfect for him or the kids are too loud he threatens me and the children. He said if I don’t let him get me pregnant again he will kill me. I just gave birth last week, and he’s already saying we should have sex, which he has never dine before. He expects me to be okay by this weekend. He also won’t let me leave the house, unless he is not home but it’s hard with 4 kids under 4 with me. He has never hit me or my kids, but he threats to. He also ripped my car door off. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi Friends,
My boyfriend hit me yesterday. Is this weird after a relationship of 11 months? I am not sure if I should give him a chance.. I've told him that I want to leave him. He drank a lot of alcohol that day while he usually never drinks. I've seen him drunk 4 times before and last time he was the total opposite, never saw him so sweet.
He hasn't mentioned this but I feel like it might have something to do with the stress. He's gay and his family is muslim, his Mum asked him quite short ago if he's gay in a rude way.. His sisters and brothers do not accept any of it either, while he has not come out and does not appear gay. He just started a new job in a field that might be bit too much for his capability's, his mum had a heart attack 2 months ago and they just found out that her cancer is back.
I don't know if there is a difference in being an abuser or abusing someone once?
I've hit my sister once and then never did it again. All the stories here sound quite quick...
I did some enquiries in places I could move to. I hope to hear back from them today.
Lol btw, just for the details... He threw all his weed away yesterday. I've always told my friends if he breaks up with me its bcs he's more in love with his weed. He smokes around 2-6 joints a day. He mentioned as well he will find a way to keep his stress levels lower: gym, yoga or speaking with the GP.
But aside from that great news, my cheek and face still hurt and my arm as well. I punched him quite hard as well. Obviously this is human instinct to protect yourself. I just wouldn't see myself starting punching him, even in a big fight. Maybe throwing a pair of socks at him or a pillow. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi Friends,
My boyfriend hit me yesterday. Is this weird after a relationship of 11 months? I am not sure if I should give him a chance.. I've told him that I want to leave him. He drank a lot of alcohol that day while he usually never drinks. I've seen him drunk 4 times before and last time he was the total opposite, never saw him so sweet.
He hasn't mentioned this but I feel like it might have something to do with the stress. He's gay and his family is muslim, his Mum asked him quite short ago if he's gay in a rude way.. His sisters and brothers do not accept any of it either, while he has not come out and does not appear gay. He just started a new job in a field that might be bit too much for his capability's, his mum had a heart attack 2 months ago and they just found out that her cancer is back.
I don't know if there is a difference in being an abuser or abusing someone once?
I've hit my sister once and then never did it again. All the stories here sound quite quick...
I did some enquiries in places I could move to. I hope to hear back from them today.
Lol btw, just for the details... He threw all his weed away yesterday. I've always told my friends if he breaks up with me its bcs he's more in love with his weed. He smokes around 2-6 joints a day. He mentioned as well he will find a way to keep his stress levels lower: gym, yoga or speaking with the GP.
But aside from that great news, my cheek and face still hurt and my arm as well. I punched him quite hard as well. Obviously this is human instinct to protect yourself. I just wouldn't see myself starting punching him, even in a big fight. Maybe throwing a pair of socks at him or a pillow. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is my 2nd time attempting to make this post. In the 1st, I started to describe our relationship from the beginning and it triggered me and left the post. So here I am again ,….. ultimately, if anyone is in or has been in domestic violence housing with a child, I’m curious as to what’s the process . I’m very nervous to make the step to ask for help. I’m very prideful and no one expects to be in this position til they’re in it. He’s been verbally/ emotionally abusive for years and I’ve never had proof to provide to do anything about it til this past weekend when our argument turned physical . I have a police report and hospital documentation now. Right now, I’m trying to lay low as possible and avoid as much contact as possible to prevent another argument til I figure out what’s my next move or to get enough courage to call 211. He’s being condescending (playing nice so I can sweep this under the rug) right now cause he knows what he did , but I know this mood only lasts a couple of days before he gets moody again. ###Assistant:Shelters/ DV center/ Agency | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is my 2nd time attempting to make this post. In the 1st, I started to describe our relationship from the beginning and it triggered me and left the post. So here I am again ,….. ultimately, if anyone is in or has been in domestic violence housing with a child, I’m curious as to what’s the process . I’m very nervous to make the step to ask for help. I’m very prideful and no one expects to be in this position til they’re in it. He’s been verbally/ emotionally abusive for years and I’ve never had proof to provide to do anything about it til this past weekend when our argument turned physical . I have a police report and hospital documentation now. Right now, I’m trying to lay low as possible and avoid as much contact as possible to prevent another argument til I figure out what’s my next move or to get enough courage to call 211. He’s being condescending (playing nice so I can sweep this under the rug) right now cause he knows what he did , but I know this mood only lasts a couple of days before he gets moody again. [/INST] Shelters/ DV center/ Agency </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy new bf and I go on vacation with his family a few weeks into the relationship - we’re all staying in a beach house with thin walls. One night, his alcoholic brother (33M) starts cussing his wife out and calling her names.
We overhear him slapping her. I was horrified. My bf acted pissed, but he didn’t intervene. Neither did his parents.
His brother storms out of the house to go for a night drive. Its 1AM and he’s been pounding vodka since 10AM the day before. At this point, I’m terrified. I tell my bf to go after him, and he gets up and chases him down with his car.
Suffice it to say, I was disturbed. I’d never witnessed domestic violence before and I couldn’t believe how none of their immediate family members moved to intervene.
What’s worse is before we started dating, my bf playfully slapped my butt so hard I screamed in shock and pain all because I was declining sex. He was irritated but he tried to play it off as a joke. He barely even knew me then and we weren’t dating! The whole situation feels like a dealbreaker but I’m not sure.
What would posses a family to react this way to their sister in law getting abused?
What do you think I should do?
Is my bf likely to also be an abuser?
TL;DR: went on vacation with my new bf and his family. One night his alcoholic brother was abusing his wife and no one in my bf’s family attempted to intervene. My bf never apologized for the situation later and it’s making me look at certain boundary crossing behaviors he’s exhibited (hitting me really hard on the butt when he barely knew me, and we weren’t dating) like he may be an abuser too. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy new bf and I go on vacation with his family a few weeks into the relationship - we’re all staying in a beach house with thin walls. One night, his alcoholic brother (33M) starts cussing his wife out and calling her names.
We overhear him slapping her. I was horrified. My bf acted pissed, but he didn’t intervene. Neither did his parents.
His brother storms out of the house to go for a night drive. Its 1AM and he’s been pounding vodka since 10AM the day before. At this point, I’m terrified. I tell my bf to go after him, and he gets up and chases him down with his car.
Suffice it to say, I was disturbed. I’d never witnessed domestic violence before and I couldn’t believe how none of their immediate family members moved to intervene.
What’s worse is before we started dating, my bf playfully slapped my butt so hard I screamed in shock and pain all because I was declining sex. He was irritated but he tried to play it off as a joke. He barely even knew me then and we weren’t dating! The whole situation feels like a dealbreaker but I’m not sure.
What would posses a family to react this way to their sister in law getting abused?
What do you think I should do?
Is my bf likely to also be an abuser?
TL;DR: went on vacation with my new bf and his family. One night his alcoholic brother was abusing his wife and no one in my bf’s family attempted to intervene. My bf never apologized for the situation later and it’s making me look at certain boundary crossing behaviors he’s exhibited (hitting me really hard on the butt when he barely knew me, and we weren’t dating) like he may be an abuser too. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTo the one that broke your heart from abuse?
In my case, my ex was more emotionally abusive, though he grabbed my neck once and slapped me in the face.
I know it’s irrational to think of him lovingly, but am I the only one who has ever considered going back?
That was the leading reason we broke up. I still care for him. It’s been a year now. I know I sound crazy. I just want to hear others thoughts. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTo the one that broke your heart from abuse?
In my case, my ex was more emotionally abusive, though he grabbed my neck once and slapped me in the face.
I know it’s irrational to think of him lovingly, but am I the only one who has ever considered going back?
That was the leading reason we broke up. I still care for him. It’s been a year now. I know I sound crazy. I just want to hear others thoughts. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI've been thinking about reaching out to someone about my domestic violence situation because I don't know what other steps to take and I keep reading that you should tell someone about your situation.
The problem is, theres only one person I think I could tell. They told me even though they were busy with 2 jobs I could take to them about anything or I could tell them if I was in a bad situation. This wasin the fall. The thing is, I tried to reach out asking for help a couple months later but they didnt respond and now I'm hesitant to do it again cause I'm afraid of bothering them. I said "i'm having really tough time" but they never texted me back.
around the holidays i contacted them to let them know i had been really sick and in the hospital and they said they were sorry to hear that and they were just really busy working 2 jobs so sorry they havn't been around.
I dont know what to do. I'm afraid of their mental health suffering if I tell them because its not like they can do anything to help me but listen. I feel like they have a lot going on and telling them that im being abused and have no clue how to get out of it will make their life more confusing and painful cause they cant do anything about it.
I honestly think they might be lying about work so they dont have to talk to me. they havn't initiated contact with me in like 6 months, its always me texting them like once a month and them replying back saying "sorry, im busy". they said they have 2 jobs and are working 16 hours a day. they said they cant text at work but i see them posting on social media at work. i dont know how many who work 16 hours a day 5 days week but maybe I'm wrong.
tldr: I just dont know what to do. I'm afraid of reaching out to the one person who i feel like i can actually tell about my domestic violence because I think they might be trying to be avoiding talking to me already. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI've been thinking about reaching out to someone about my domestic violence situation because I don't know what other steps to take and I keep reading that you should tell someone about your situation.
The problem is, theres only one person I think I could tell. They told me even though they were busy with 2 jobs I could take to them about anything or I could tell them if I was in a bad situation. This wasin the fall. The thing is, I tried to reach out asking for help a couple months later but they didnt respond and now I'm hesitant to do it again cause I'm afraid of bothering them. I said "i'm having really tough time" but they never texted me back.
around the holidays i contacted them to let them know i had been really sick and in the hospital and they said they were sorry to hear that and they were just really busy working 2 jobs so sorry they havn't been around.
I dont know what to do. I'm afraid of their mental health suffering if I tell them because its not like they can do anything to help me but listen. I feel like they have a lot going on and telling them that im being abused and have no clue how to get out of it will make their life more confusing and painful cause they cant do anything about it.
I honestly think they might be lying about work so they dont have to talk to me. they havn't initiated contact with me in like 6 months, its always me texting them like once a month and them replying back saying "sorry, im busy". they said they have 2 jobs and are working 16 hours a day. they said they cant text at work but i see them posting on social media at work. i dont know how many who work 16 hours a day 5 days week but maybe I'm wrong.
tldr: I just dont know what to do. I'm afraid of reaching out to the one person who i feel like i can actually tell about my domestic violence because I think they might be trying to be avoiding talking to me already. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI [f30] left him [m33] about a year and a half ago, but I’m still at times processing what was done to me. Most who are close to me know that something violent was going on behind closed doors, but nobody knows the extent of danger and fear I was in for so long. I have a couple of friends who have been through partner violence in some way, and both of them were a huge support to me, but how do I make my other loved ones understand that some of my healing will take time if they haven’t been through it themselves?
How do I make them understand that it wasn’t a few isolated incidents, I was essentially living inside a psychological thriller for nine YEARS. That I may be thriving now, and moving on in so many ways, but on days when the abuse I suffered gets to me, can you just let me fucking have this day?
What results is this distance from everyone I truly care about. For the most part, they don’t know or can’t appreciate the severity of what I went through. Some have told me they don’t want to know specifics and I fully respect that it’s hard to think of someone you care about in danger. But I could’ve been killed so many times. I was close to being murdered a handful of times. Only my chance or his choice saved me. I went home each night not knowing whether I would be coming out in the morning on my feet or in a body bag. I know these things and some of them don’t.
I’m doing ok now, but just, sometimes it’s on my mind and I find that to be perfectly reasonable given what I’ve been through. I give myself time to be sad about it because I know I went through a hell of a time. I also know that when I give myself that time and care I get a little bit stronger. I learn something new. I become less upset by it. I wish my loved ones could support me through this, but I feel like I have to have all my most important healing moments behind closed doors while keeping up a facade of happiness to my loved ones. It feels eerily similar to what I used to do when I was going home to a beating, rather than going home to a good cry and some self care rituals.
So, how do I do it? How do I make people understand both the depth and gravity of what I was going through and the additional time it’s going to take me to be “moved on” from it? Any stories, anecdotes advice or support helps. And thanks in advance! ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI [f30] left him [m33] about a year and a half ago, but I’m still at times processing what was done to me. Most who are close to me know that something violent was going on behind closed doors, but nobody knows the extent of danger and fear I was in for so long. I have a couple of friends who have been through partner violence in some way, and both of them were a huge support to me, but how do I make my other loved ones understand that some of my healing will take time if they haven’t been through it themselves?
How do I make them understand that it wasn’t a few isolated incidents, I was essentially living inside a psychological thriller for nine YEARS. That I may be thriving now, and moving on in so many ways, but on days when the abuse I suffered gets to me, can you just let me fucking have this day?
What results is this distance from everyone I truly care about. For the most part, they don’t know or can’t appreciate the severity of what I went through. Some have told me they don’t want to know specifics and I fully respect that it’s hard to think of someone you care about in danger. But I could’ve been killed so many times. I was close to being murdered a handful of times. Only my chance or his choice saved me. I went home each night not knowing whether I would be coming out in the morning on my feet or in a body bag. I know these things and some of them don’t.
I’m doing ok now, but just, sometimes it’s on my mind and I find that to be perfectly reasonable given what I’ve been through. I give myself time to be sad about it because I know I went through a hell of a time. I also know that when I give myself that time and care I get a little bit stronger. I learn something new. I become less upset by it. I wish my loved ones could support me through this, but I feel like I have to have all my most important healing moments behind closed doors while keeping up a facade of happiness to my loved ones. It feels eerily similar to what I used to do when I was going home to a beating, rather than going home to a good cry and some self care rituals.
So, how do I do it? How do I make people understand both the depth and gravity of what I was going through and the additional time it’s going to take me to be “moved on” from it? Any stories, anecdotes advice or support helps. And thanks in advance! [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend (39M) and I (30F) have been together for a little over a year , I moved across the country & left my home & family to a totally new state to be with him barely 3 months into dating. He has a good job and has supported us financially(rent,food,going out, trips) I have depression and have been struggling to adjust wanting a career change and having a rare chance to take time off to do it - I haven’t worked since I moved here. I have paid all my subs , car payment , phone etc over this time . But he has grown to resent that even though I’m on my way to a new career now literally a week or two away from a new job - he will go off because he feels I’m “taking advantage of him” - I am not that type of person and I try my best not to ask for anything but he’s always had a short fuse or hot temper and gets overwhelmed easily and has a lot of anxiety , and I really don’t like confrontation . I grew up with a stepdad who was similar lots of yelling and it intimidates me / triggers me. so I always figured I was just sensitive to our arguments . We have had several talks about being more open with me and not bottling up his feelings but that hasn’t changed much . We went out the night before thanksgiving and had drinks with friends at a bar (earlier in the day things were great we put the Xmas tree up and talked about getting a new tooth ornament because I just finished my dental assisting class) . Anyways we had a lot to drink and he seemed cranky the whole night sort of , we decided to leave the bar and he walked out about 3ft in front of me looking down at his phone. I stopped just outside the front door of the bar and our friends group caught up with us - said Uber was here and it was literally to my immediate left . He thought I was trying to leave him or “ditch” him at the bar … kept turning back to yell at me the whole ride home (even our friend was telling him to stop ) I didn’t respond to any thing he yelled . When we got back to our building our friends all went to one apt and I went to follow him because he stormed off - hoping I would be able to calm him or talk it out.
I got back to the apt he continued to escalate himself - our pup does not like conflict she gets scared and shakes , I locked myself in our bathroom with the dog to try and calm her down . He tried beating down the door yelling asking me what I was doing in there - this is blurry to me I was drinking - idk why but I opened the door . He got in my face , grabbed my wrists and threw me to the ground with force . I scraped my elbow on the bed frame and as soon as I got up from the floor I went back to the closet with the dog and called 911 . Scared out of my mind he towers over me and the dog screaming in my face . The cops came 20 mins later and arrested him . He was in jail for 24 hours , he called me from jail and I told him I love him . I don’t want to press charges , we live together and I have nothing . I want us to get therapy and try to work through it . My neck has had whip lash for days my whole upper body hurts . I’m terrified to accept I’m a victim . He said the bail bond guy said I can recant or sign something to help so he doesn’t get charged and lose his job or go to jail. I should ignore calls if detectives call … I don’t want to ruin my creditability. But I don’t want to aggravate the charges , I want to work it out . But I can’t let him get away with it - and think he could ever do it again .
Has anyone ever been through the process as a victim I don’t know what to expect ? I need help . ###Assistant:Police | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend (39M) and I (30F) have been together for a little over a year , I moved across the country & left my home & family to a totally new state to be with him barely 3 months into dating. He has a good job and has supported us financially(rent,food,going out, trips) I have depression and have been struggling to adjust wanting a career change and having a rare chance to take time off to do it - I haven’t worked since I moved here. I have paid all my subs , car payment , phone etc over this time . But he has grown to resent that even though I’m on my way to a new career now literally a week or two away from a new job - he will go off because he feels I’m “taking advantage of him” - I am not that type of person and I try my best not to ask for anything but he’s always had a short fuse or hot temper and gets overwhelmed easily and has a lot of anxiety , and I really don’t like confrontation . I grew up with a stepdad who was similar lots of yelling and it intimidates me / triggers me. so I always figured I was just sensitive to our arguments . We have had several talks about being more open with me and not bottling up his feelings but that hasn’t changed much . We went out the night before thanksgiving and had drinks with friends at a bar (earlier in the day things were great we put the Xmas tree up and talked about getting a new tooth ornament because I just finished my dental assisting class) . Anyways we had a lot to drink and he seemed cranky the whole night sort of , we decided to leave the bar and he walked out about 3ft in front of me looking down at his phone. I stopped just outside the front door of the bar and our friends group caught up with us - said Uber was here and it was literally to my immediate left . He thought I was trying to leave him or “ditch” him at the bar … kept turning back to yell at me the whole ride home (even our friend was telling him to stop ) I didn’t respond to any thing he yelled . When we got back to our building our friends all went to one apt and I went to follow him because he stormed off - hoping I would be able to calm him or talk it out.
I got back to the apt he continued to escalate himself - our pup does not like conflict she gets scared and shakes , I locked myself in our bathroom with the dog to try and calm her down . He tried beating down the door yelling asking me what I was doing in there - this is blurry to me I was drinking - idk why but I opened the door . He got in my face , grabbed my wrists and threw me to the ground with force . I scraped my elbow on the bed frame and as soon as I got up from the floor I went back to the closet with the dog and called 911 . Scared out of my mind he towers over me and the dog screaming in my face . The cops came 20 mins later and arrested him . He was in jail for 24 hours , he called me from jail and I told him I love him . I don’t want to press charges , we live together and I have nothing . I want us to get therapy and try to work through it . My neck has had whip lash for days my whole upper body hurts . I’m terrified to accept I’m a victim . He said the bail bond guy said I can recant or sign something to help so he doesn’t get charged and lose his job or go to jail. I should ignore calls if detectives call … I don’t want to ruin my creditability. But I don’t want to aggravate the charges , I want to work it out . But I can’t let him get away with it - and think he could ever do it again .
Has anyone ever been through the process as a victim I don’t know what to expect ? I need help . [/INST] Police </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI met this person a little over 2m ago. Everything seemed so great until one night he unleashed his frustrations on me and hit me with a magazine in my nose. At first I swore I’d never speak to him again, and eventually a week after I started speaking to him. I realized he started blaming me for every little argument or disagreement we had, he always called me crazy, and I started to believe it. I found out I was pregnant and he’d call me a murderer for wanting to abort the pregnancy because I feel as if I’m too young and I feel like he’s too mentally unstable. I had moments in the past few weeks where I’d try to contact him thinking it really was my fault and that if I was quieter things would be better but no matter what I was always a problem. So fast forward to today, and I decided to file a police report about the incident of him hitting me with a magazine. Apparently he will be prosecuted or I’m not sure how it works out and I just feel terrible but should I really? ###Assistant:DV report procedure/Documentation | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI met this person a little over 2m ago. Everything seemed so great until one night he unleashed his frustrations on me and hit me with a magazine in my nose. At first I swore I’d never speak to him again, and eventually a week after I started speaking to him. I realized he started blaming me for every little argument or disagreement we had, he always called me crazy, and I started to believe it. I found out I was pregnant and he’d call me a murderer for wanting to abort the pregnancy because I feel as if I’m too young and I feel like he’s too mentally unstable. I had moments in the past few weeks where I’d try to contact him thinking it really was my fault and that if I was quieter things would be better but no matter what I was always a problem. So fast forward to today, and I decided to file a police report about the incident of him hitting me with a magazine. Apparently he will be prosecuted or I’m not sure how it works out and I just feel terrible but should I really? [/INST] DV report procedure/Documentation </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm just now going through a breakup with a man who has been abusive towards me for about a year. I got pregnant by him... and so I moved in with him at his grandmas because I was overwhelmed about going through pregnancy and parenting all alone. Plus he has a close knit big family id also be able to rely on for baby care. Last night.. he got angry at me and it resulted in him picking up my cat and throwing her outside... I went looking for her but couldn't find her. Then later on in the night as I was packing all my things to leave and he said he didn't even throw her out he just put her in the living room but that he wasn't going to give her back he was going to get rid of her, then the next morning (I'm staying in a hotel right now) I went back to get her and he said he looked for her but she's gone. I don't know what to DO. How do you even deal with this. She was my BEST FRIEND. One of the closest cats to me I've ever had (raising her in quarentine). And now she's just... gone... and tomorrow I have to make the 4 hour drive back to where my mom lives. And she's just gone forever. I don't know what to do. How to feel. If what he did was illegal. If I can use that in court if he tries to take the baby when it comes... I just... I don't know. ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm just now going through a breakup with a man who has been abusive towards me for about a year. I got pregnant by him... and so I moved in with him at his grandmas because I was overwhelmed about going through pregnancy and parenting all alone. Plus he has a close knit big family id also be able to rely on for baby care. Last night.. he got angry at me and it resulted in him picking up my cat and throwing her outside... I went looking for her but couldn't find her. Then later on in the night as I was packing all my things to leave and he said he didn't even throw her out he just put her in the living room but that he wasn't going to give her back he was going to get rid of her, then the next morning (I'm staying in a hotel right now) I went back to get her and he said he looked for her but she's gone. I don't know what to DO. How do you even deal with this. She was my BEST FRIEND. One of the closest cats to me I've ever had (raising her in quarentine). And now she's just... gone... and tomorrow I have to make the 4 hour drive back to where my mom lives. And she's just gone forever. I don't know what to do. How to feel. If what he did was illegal. If I can use that in court if he tries to take the baby when it comes... I just... I don't know. [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI testified for over 4 hours today in a custody hearing before falling apart and getting emotional. I know I'm not supposed to get emotional on the stand, but I did. I got triggered. I got so frustrated. I broke down and cried. My ears started ringing. I had a hard time hearing questions. How do I take care of myself and recover? What self care works for such an extreme emotional response to talking about being abused and hurt in court? ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI testified for over 4 hours today in a custody hearing before falling apart and getting emotional. I know I'm not supposed to get emotional on the stand, but I did. I got triggered. I got so frustrated. I broke down and cried. My ears started ringing. I had a hard time hearing questions. How do I take care of myself and recover? What self care works for such an extreme emotional response to talking about being abused and hurt in court? [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy abuser throws out put downs in casual convo and I move on like it’s normal.
Example, he was asking me this morning if I wanted to go with him somewhere. When I declined he said, “ what are you going to do lay around all day tweeting about trump? You probably have someone you text about that stuff “ I didn’t even ask what he meant, just moved convo forward like it’s normal to say things like that to people.
He likes to insinuate that I’m cheating once in awhile. I feel so fucked up to be accepting this behavior. It’s embarrassing that I’m a strong person everywhere in my life but with him. With him, I’m a weak shell of myself. Fearful and self doubting. Trapped. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy abuser throws out put downs in casual convo and I move on like it’s normal.
Example, he was asking me this morning if I wanted to go with him somewhere. When I declined he said, “ what are you going to do lay around all day tweeting about trump? You probably have someone you text about that stuff “ I didn’t even ask what he meant, just moved convo forward like it’s normal to say things like that to people.
He likes to insinuate that I’m cheating once in awhile. I feel so fucked up to be accepting this behavior. It’s embarrassing that I’m a strong person everywhere in my life but with him. With him, I’m a weak shell of myself. Fearful and self doubting. Trapped. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contenti have been a single mom of two boys who are 6 and 8 for the last four years or so and my oldest has some serious issues he has adhd ptsd and anxiety from the violence he saw and the stuff he was subjected to before i finally left, well now i am at home with the boys and live off of his social security and i lost my job due to covid and now unemployment ran out i do not know what to do their dad claimed them last year because i didnt work enough and i tried to stop it but the irs and support told me that him paying 70 dollars a month entitles him to file and also collect stimulus i feel like it is insane i am waiting on a stimulus for only me and am so grateful for that but i have a broken car and am behind on all bills this has been so tough i cannot get ahead when him and his wife can not only get the money for them but also the two kids they have there i feel like i am being insane and i hate it but i need to find a way to get the money to be for us so that i can get my car fixed and catch up on everything.. PLEASE GIVE ME ANY SUGGESTIONS.... any further info needed i would be happy to tell yoy ###Assistant:Finance | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contenti have been a single mom of two boys who are 6 and 8 for the last four years or so and my oldest has some serious issues he has adhd ptsd and anxiety from the violence he saw and the stuff he was subjected to before i finally left, well now i am at home with the boys and live off of his social security and i lost my job due to covid and now unemployment ran out i do not know what to do their dad claimed them last year because i didnt work enough and i tried to stop it but the irs and support told me that him paying 70 dollars a month entitles him to file and also collect stimulus i feel like it is insane i am waiting on a stimulus for only me and am so grateful for that but i have a broken car and am behind on all bills this has been so tough i cannot get ahead when him and his wife can not only get the money for them but also the two kids they have there i feel like i am being insane and i hate it but i need to find a way to get the money to be for us so that i can get my car fixed and catch up on everything.. PLEASE GIVE ME ANY SUGGESTIONS.... any further info needed i would be happy to tell yoy [/INST] Finance </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am no longer with my partner but the biggest trouble I have had with closure is wondering why they were abusive. I also have a hard time understanding how they treated others with respect and kindness yet with me at times it was another story. I have a difficult time processing how moments between us could be great and that it was not bad 24/7 but when it was bad, it was bad.
I am in therapy and multiple professionals have brought up that abusive people have a VERY hard time changing their behavior even with help and that abusers are often the way they are because of something that happened in their childhood. As far as I know nothing insane happened in my ex partner's childhood that they disclosed for me so I struggle with not knowing why I was treated the way I was.
TW Emotional/physical violence: >!There were times where I was treated so bad. Every holiday/birthday was always ruined. He would break furniture, scream at me, etc. I could not be happy, but I find myself still feeling bad for my ex partner. !< ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am no longer with my partner but the biggest trouble I have had with closure is wondering why they were abusive. I also have a hard time understanding how they treated others with respect and kindness yet with me at times it was another story. I have a difficult time processing how moments between us could be great and that it was not bad 24/7 but when it was bad, it was bad.
I am in therapy and multiple professionals have brought up that abusive people have a VERY hard time changing their behavior even with help and that abusers are often the way they are because of something that happened in their childhood. As far as I know nothing insane happened in my ex partner's childhood that they disclosed for me so I struggle with not knowing why I was treated the way I was.
TW Emotional/physical violence: >!There were times where I was treated so bad. Every holiday/birthday was always ruined. He would break furniture, scream at me, etc. I could not be happy, but I find myself still feeling bad for my ex partner. !< [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm not going to go into my abuse in much detail at all because that's not the point of this post and I don't want to make it uncomfortable to read. Long story short, I'm 27 and living with my family, they're some pretty bad and manipulative people who want me to stay here forever despite not appreciating anything I do and treating me badly. It's too bad for them that I just bought a cheap apartment some states away next to some people I know and trust.
More than anything else in the world, I want to be free and I want to use that freedom to become a much better person than I am now. I've been doing too little for too long, I have a fair bit of savings which is why I do not fear much for my financial situation in doing this as of right now but what I do fear is getting away unnoticed and getting away with all of my important things which isn't much but let me just lay my plan out for you guys and maybe we can see if it can use some tweaking.
First of all, I pay the phone and internet bill which I obviously will not continue to pay after leaving. If worst comes to worst, I can just put it on a credit card I've been given by a family member to pick stuff up at the store from them which I never use anyway because they always expect me to pay with me own money. Is there anyway that instead, I can get some sort of prepaid card that will pay those bills and put a couple months worth of money onto it? I'm not sure that's possible or if it could be used to screw me over if the card is under my name or something.
Another thing is making it out of my house with everything. I don't have my own car but I am renting an SUV for the trip so I can fit everything. I live upstairs and we have some doors that make noise when you open and close them. I am going to have to come in and out multiple times to get everything into the car. They'll notice if stuff starts going missing from my room earlier so it's not like I can box stuff up and hide it earlier. This is the part I'm the most afraid of, I don't want to get caught in the middle of leaving and I can't think of any other way to go about this, I even have a fairly big and heavy PC that I'll need to get out of the house along with some monitors and other equipment. This is not stuff that I can just leave behind. I am not really sure how to go about this without waking someone up and at least being checked on. I already have my Social Security, Passport and Birth Certificate btw so at least I don't have anything to worry about there.
I also am not sure about changing my address, I know it's an easy process but right after doing it, don't they send you a big letter that says something along the lines of "address change" on it? I don't really get much important in the mail because I do pretty much everything online but could they possibly use that letter to get my mail sent back to their house? I'm not sure how that stuff works.
I basically just want help with the planning for this if anybody has better ideas or tweaks to the ideas I already have, I'm kind of just winging it. ###Assistant:Safety planning | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm not going to go into my abuse in much detail at all because that's not the point of this post and I don't want to make it uncomfortable to read. Long story short, I'm 27 and living with my family, they're some pretty bad and manipulative people who want me to stay here forever despite not appreciating anything I do and treating me badly. It's too bad for them that I just bought a cheap apartment some states away next to some people I know and trust.
More than anything else in the world, I want to be free and I want to use that freedom to become a much better person than I am now. I've been doing too little for too long, I have a fair bit of savings which is why I do not fear much for my financial situation in doing this as of right now but what I do fear is getting away unnoticed and getting away with all of my important things which isn't much but let me just lay my plan out for you guys and maybe we can see if it can use some tweaking.
First of all, I pay the phone and internet bill which I obviously will not continue to pay after leaving. If worst comes to worst, I can just put it on a credit card I've been given by a family member to pick stuff up at the store from them which I never use anyway because they always expect me to pay with me own money. Is there anyway that instead, I can get some sort of prepaid card that will pay those bills and put a couple months worth of money onto it? I'm not sure that's possible or if it could be used to screw me over if the card is under my name or something.
Another thing is making it out of my house with everything. I don't have my own car but I am renting an SUV for the trip so I can fit everything. I live upstairs and we have some doors that make noise when you open and close them. I am going to have to come in and out multiple times to get everything into the car. They'll notice if stuff starts going missing from my room earlier so it's not like I can box stuff up and hide it earlier. This is the part I'm the most afraid of, I don't want to get caught in the middle of leaving and I can't think of any other way to go about this, I even have a fairly big and heavy PC that I'll need to get out of the house along with some monitors and other equipment. This is not stuff that I can just leave behind. I am not really sure how to go about this without waking someone up and at least being checked on. I already have my Social Security, Passport and Birth Certificate btw so at least I don't have anything to worry about there.
I also am not sure about changing my address, I know it's an easy process but right after doing it, don't they send you a big letter that says something along the lines of "address change" on it? I don't really get much important in the mail because I do pretty much everything online but could they possibly use that letter to get my mail sent back to their house? I'm not sure how that stuff works.
I basically just want help with the planning for this if anybody has better ideas or tweaks to the ideas I already have, I'm kind of just winging it. [/INST] Safety planning </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTL;DR: my gf has physically and verbally abused me for a long time, it’s escalated recently, and now I’m finally leaving and I’m not telling her. I feel I need to post this to remind myself why I need to leave.
I (M 28) am leaving my GF (F 26) tomorrow morning after 3.5 years. After speaking to 3 individual therapists myself, and working with a couple’s therapist with her I can’t take the verbal abuse anymore. I’m leaving tomorrow morning and I’m not telling her.
Here are some the highlights (or low lights) of the abuse.
About 7 months ago, when her grandma in another country passed, she spent the whole week drowning her sadness in liquor. She’d blacked out and at about 2 or 3 in the morning taken my keys to go driving. I tried to stand behind the car and stop her and she accelerated at me. I got in front of the car to try to get her attention and she drove forward towards me. This to cap off a week of her saying she could wait until MY grandma died so she could treat me as shitty as I was treating her. (I was physically unable to take off of work and I still tried to comfort her, but that wasn’t enough.) I had, and still do have a lot of sympathy for what she was dealing with, but I didn’t deserve that, I really tried to be a good partner.
About 5 months ago she locked me out of the Airbnb we were staying at around midnight returning from seeing my friends. She was piss drunk and angry at me for trying to stop her from taking their dog outside without a leash who was notorious for trying to run away. I went to a hotel that night, and she spent the night berating me by text and voicemails. My friend came with me to get my stuff the next day, and she spent the whole time begging me not to leave, swearing she would change. I stayed away for a week and eventually caved after convincing me she would change, and somehow making it partially my fault with something else she was mad about.
3 months ago - at my parent’s house no less - she drinks herself into a stupor. She gets angry at me because I tell her to stop trying to pin me in the bathroom so she can berate me for telling her I didn’t appreciate her calling me names and berating me that night. I go to walk past her, and she punches me in the stomach, leaving a small cut where had been holding chopsticks or something. I got very angry and yelled how dare you hit me, my parents naturally over hear and try to diffuse the situation without escalation. Eventually we go to separate rooms, but she spends the night berating me about how she didn’t punch me, I’m dramatic, etc.
Fast forward to the past two weeks- she spends a car ride back to my family’s house berating me, leaving a house party we were invited to with family I had in town. At my family’s house, tries to force me to have sex with her by pinning me, and then eventually storming out when I refuse, driving drunk to go back to where we were staying at the time at about 3 - 4 in the morning. This continued through the week, drinking through the week nights, berating me about something. Finally in our couple’s therapy session i bawl my eyes out telling her to fix her drinking etc, and eventually she tells me it’s my fault for drinking because I wasn’t happy or hype enough. At this point, my individual therapist had told me about the cycle of abuse, so that softened it and helped me not internalize it. Then today, after leaving brunch with a couple friend we met, she proceeds to berate me in our Uber for not making sure she brought her mask with her. I was only thinking about myself, etc. we get back and she strikes up a conversation with a random neighbor we’ve never seen, we talk like it’s all good, as the conversation dies down I suggest we go check on our dog. We walk away and then in the house she gets angry with me telling me I made her look like a fool. At this point I’d had it. I went to the room and locked the door so she couldn’t get in. She eventually came and knocked on the door and demanded I let her in. I did, but told her I had nothing to talk about with her, she said how dare you lock the door to our room, don’t ever do that again. She comes and lays in the bed and falls asleep.
I’ve been packing my things since secretly, and I’m leaving for good this time. Family is picking me up early in the morning and I don’t plan to tell her. I’m finally going to stand up for myself, and I’m not coming back. I feel I need to post this to remind myself why I need to leave. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTL;DR: my gf has physically and verbally abused me for a long time, it’s escalated recently, and now I’m finally leaving and I’m not telling her. I feel I need to post this to remind myself why I need to leave.
I (M 28) am leaving my GF (F 26) tomorrow morning after 3.5 years. After speaking to 3 individual therapists myself, and working with a couple’s therapist with her I can’t take the verbal abuse anymore. I’m leaving tomorrow morning and I’m not telling her.
Here are some the highlights (or low lights) of the abuse.
About 7 months ago, when her grandma in another country passed, she spent the whole week drowning her sadness in liquor. She’d blacked out and at about 2 or 3 in the morning taken my keys to go driving. I tried to stand behind the car and stop her and she accelerated at me. I got in front of the car to try to get her attention and she drove forward towards me. This to cap off a week of her saying she could wait until MY grandma died so she could treat me as shitty as I was treating her. (I was physically unable to take off of work and I still tried to comfort her, but that wasn’t enough.) I had, and still do have a lot of sympathy for what she was dealing with, but I didn’t deserve that, I really tried to be a good partner.
About 5 months ago she locked me out of the Airbnb we were staying at around midnight returning from seeing my friends. She was piss drunk and angry at me for trying to stop her from taking their dog outside without a leash who was notorious for trying to run away. I went to a hotel that night, and she spent the night berating me by text and voicemails. My friend came with me to get my stuff the next day, and she spent the whole time begging me not to leave, swearing she would change. I stayed away for a week and eventually caved after convincing me she would change, and somehow making it partially my fault with something else she was mad about.
3 months ago - at my parent’s house no less - she drinks herself into a stupor. She gets angry at me because I tell her to stop trying to pin me in the bathroom so she can berate me for telling her I didn’t appreciate her calling me names and berating me that night. I go to walk past her, and she punches me in the stomach, leaving a small cut where had been holding chopsticks or something. I got very angry and yelled how dare you hit me, my parents naturally over hear and try to diffuse the situation without escalation. Eventually we go to separate rooms, but she spends the night berating me about how she didn’t punch me, I’m dramatic, etc.
Fast forward to the past two weeks- she spends a car ride back to my family’s house berating me, leaving a house party we were invited to with family I had in town. At my family’s house, tries to force me to have sex with her by pinning me, and then eventually storming out when I refuse, driving drunk to go back to where we were staying at the time at about 3 - 4 in the morning. This continued through the week, drinking through the week nights, berating me about something. Finally in our couple’s therapy session i bawl my eyes out telling her to fix her drinking etc, and eventually she tells me it’s my fault for drinking because I wasn’t happy or hype enough. At this point, my individual therapist had told me about the cycle of abuse, so that softened it and helped me not internalize it. Then today, after leaving brunch with a couple friend we met, she proceeds to berate me in our Uber for not making sure she brought her mask with her. I was only thinking about myself, etc. we get back and she strikes up a conversation with a random neighbor we’ve never seen, we talk like it’s all good, as the conversation dies down I suggest we go check on our dog. We walk away and then in the house she gets angry with me telling me I made her look like a fool. At this point I’d had it. I went to the room and locked the door so she couldn’t get in. She eventually came and knocked on the door and demanded I let her in. I did, but told her I had nothing to talk about with her, she said how dare you lock the door to our room, don’t ever do that again. She comes and lays in the bed and falls asleep.
I’ve been packing my things since secretly, and I’m leaving for good this time. Family is picking me up early in the morning and I don’t plan to tell her. I’m finally going to stand up for myself, and I’m not coming back. I feel I need to post this to remind myself why I need to leave. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy best friend is in an abusive marriage. He is mentally unstable / has mental illness, is untreated and resists treatment, and it comes out abusively both verbal and physical, they have a newborn, and she sees saws between coming to terms with it and believing it is getting better though from an outside perspective what she thinks is getting better is actually just broadening acceptance from her end of the behavior and rationalizing that it ‘isn’t that bad’. I don’t say this judge mentally in the least, more just to set the table.
She tends to call me late at night, after they have a big fight of some kind or he has done something.
I don’t want to not be there for her, if it’s a physical emergency I won’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t take the call and I’ve had to call the cops on him before from out of state (we live in different states).
However, I also cannot take calls at 10pm / 11pm / 12am / 1am or stay on the phone for hours late at night, after which I’m worried sick and upset, can’t sleep, have my work performance impacted the next day and my own mental health taking a hit.
When the call is to decompress after a bad argument, the conversation is very circular, nothing I say or do changes anything, and I can’t be a late night counselor and also take care of my own well-being.
I don’t know how to communicate a boundary, without risking that she further isolates herself or doesn’t tell me when she is physically in danger.
I’ve started asking is it an emergency and she always says yes, and sometimes it is a physical one and other times she just wants to talk.
I don’t want to be unsupportive or a bad friend and I don’t know the best way to go about this and I would really welcome the perspective of others.
I feel sick today from getting called so late last night and being unable to sleep afterward. I know me not feeling well today is pale in comparison to what she is enduring, but how do I say don’t call me after 10 unless it is a dire emergency without pulling the rug out from under her. I am one of the only people she tells what is really going on to.
She wants me to fly and meet her newborn son, I’m the godparent, but I can’t be around her husband and I know I am delaying going because I also can’t handle the unloading absent any change. I can’t save her from this, and she isn’t in a headspace right now where she is willing to really contemplate leaving him.
I don’t know what to do. ###Assistant:Miscellaneous (Other) | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy best friend is in an abusive marriage. He is mentally unstable / has mental illness, is untreated and resists treatment, and it comes out abusively both verbal and physical, they have a newborn, and she sees saws between coming to terms with it and believing it is getting better though from an outside perspective what she thinks is getting better is actually just broadening acceptance from her end of the behavior and rationalizing that it ‘isn’t that bad’. I don’t say this judge mentally in the least, more just to set the table.
She tends to call me late at night, after they have a big fight of some kind or he has done something.
I don’t want to not be there for her, if it’s a physical emergency I won’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t take the call and I’ve had to call the cops on him before from out of state (we live in different states).
However, I also cannot take calls at 10pm / 11pm / 12am / 1am or stay on the phone for hours late at night, after which I’m worried sick and upset, can’t sleep, have my work performance impacted the next day and my own mental health taking a hit.
When the call is to decompress after a bad argument, the conversation is very circular, nothing I say or do changes anything, and I can’t be a late night counselor and also take care of my own well-being.
I don’t know how to communicate a boundary, without risking that she further isolates herself or doesn’t tell me when she is physically in danger.
I’ve started asking is it an emergency and she always says yes, and sometimes it is a physical one and other times she just wants to talk.
I don’t want to be unsupportive or a bad friend and I don’t know the best way to go about this and I would really welcome the perspective of others.
I feel sick today from getting called so late last night and being unable to sleep afterward. I know me not feeling well today is pale in comparison to what she is enduring, but how do I say don’t call me after 10 unless it is a dire emergency without pulling the rug out from under her. I am one of the only people she tells what is really going on to.
She wants me to fly and meet her newborn son, I’m the godparent, but I can’t be around her husband and I know I am delaying going because I also can’t handle the unloading absent any change. I can’t save her from this, and she isn’t in a headspace right now where she is willing to really contemplate leaving him.
I don’t know what to do. [/INST] Miscellaneous (Other) </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAnytime I try to leave he always takes her away. I can’t take it anymore and I don’t wanna leave without her but I don’t know what else to do. I’d I leave her I’m scared what he’s gonna do, at this point I’m tired I just wanna give up on everything. I’m honestly starting to think this is what I deserve and it’s all my fault, I’ve started to internalize the things he’s says. I hate myself, I feel like a bad mother. ###Assistant:Childbearing | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentAnytime I try to leave he always takes her away. I can’t take it anymore and I don’t wanna leave without her but I don’t know what else to do. I’d I leave her I’m scared what he’s gonna do, at this point I’m tired I just wanna give up on everything. I’m honestly starting to think this is what I deserve and it’s all my fault, I’ve started to internalize the things he’s says. I hate myself, I feel like a bad mother. [/INST] Childbearing </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m so scared, and feel bad to leave my situation. Not my first post, but I just feel so alone, and I have resources together, but I can’t seem to act on them. My bf threatens to call my family. Threatens to destroy my things. I have 2 cats he even threatens them. I feel like he’s trying to strip my life away. All my friends are hoes to him. I’m the one being disrespectful. I feel I’m to blame. I’ve had insecurities/trust issues this whole relationship, and apparently me asking questions is yelling at him, and disrespecting him. Which I know my actions really haven’t been great on my end. I’ve been so overwhelmed with other family issues, and this is the tip of the ice burg I haven’t been great either. Wasn’t really in a good place I would start throwing things. I have yelled at him only because he just won’t stop. Calling me names constantly. He will get in my face one day I ended up scratching him. I ended up cutting myself one day. I’ve been invalidated my whole life, and having someone who’s suppose to be my everything I kinda lost it. I’m extremely embarrassed of my actions. It’s just such an unhealthy relationship, and I want out, but he won’t leave, and he said if I ever report him that makes me evil. Which I know. I just want to be away from him I don’t care to press charges I just want him out of my life. It might be a lot to ask, but if someone is willing to PM me, and talk about it maybe someone can help knock some sense into me. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m so scared, and feel bad to leave my situation. Not my first post, but I just feel so alone, and I have resources together, but I can’t seem to act on them. My bf threatens to call my family. Threatens to destroy my things. I have 2 cats he even threatens them. I feel like he’s trying to strip my life away. All my friends are hoes to him. I’m the one being disrespectful. I feel I’m to blame. I’ve had insecurities/trust issues this whole relationship, and apparently me asking questions is yelling at him, and disrespecting him. Which I know my actions really haven’t been great on my end. I’ve been so overwhelmed with other family issues, and this is the tip of the ice burg I haven’t been great either. Wasn’t really in a good place I would start throwing things. I have yelled at him only because he just won’t stop. Calling me names constantly. He will get in my face one day I ended up scratching him. I ended up cutting myself one day. I’ve been invalidated my whole life, and having someone who’s suppose to be my everything I kinda lost it. I’m extremely embarrassed of my actions. It’s just such an unhealthy relationship, and I want out, but he won’t leave, and he said if I ever report him that makes me evil. Which I know. I just want to be away from him I don’t care to press charges I just want him out of my life. It might be a lot to ask, but if someone is willing to PM me, and talk about it maybe someone can help knock some sense into me. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m in the process of getting things organized so I can leave my abusive husband. We have been married for 5 years and have two kids, with one on the way. I can’t help but feel so sad for him. He has no clue what’s coming. I on the other hand have had time to process everything. I know he’s going to hurt and cry and miss his kids. He needs help though and I’m tired of being continuously put down in front of my kids, degraded, and financially abused. I cry just knowing the news is going to hit him like a freight train, but I know this is what’s best for my kids and myself. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m in the process of getting things organized so I can leave my abusive husband. We have been married for 5 years and have two kids, with one on the way. I can’t help but feel so sad for him. He has no clue what’s coming. I on the other hand have had time to process everything. I know he’s going to hurt and cry and miss his kids. He needs help though and I’m tired of being continuously put down in front of my kids, degraded, and financially abused. I cry just knowing the news is going to hit him like a freight train, but I know this is what’s best for my kids and myself. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThe domestic hotline told me that he wouldnt change and they told me that it will get worse...but he has been really nice to me now. He even got me a Christmas present which he has not done in a few years. I told him if he does it again that I will leave. He hasnt hit me, but just mentally and verbally abuses me. His dad hit his mom and I just found out that his brother hit his wife. He has been alot nicer to me now I just hope that it stays this way. Has anyone had an experience like this? Please let me know and give me any advice ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThe domestic hotline told me that he wouldnt change and they told me that it will get worse...but he has been really nice to me now. He even got me a Christmas present which he has not done in a few years. I told him if he does it again that I will leave. He hasnt hit me, but just mentally and verbally abuses me. His dad hit his mom and I just found out that his brother hit his wife. He has been alot nicer to me now I just hope that it stays this way. Has anyone had an experience like this? Please let me know and give me any advice [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content**Trigger warning
I’m out of a domestic violence relationship for many years. The physical violence stopped. I had a protection order against them. But as we share a child it’s been years of emotional abuse and verbal abuse and blame and put downs and shouting At me. I’ve tried being nice, civil friendly and everything but it always blows up. I get anxious and thrown into full panic mode each and every time. He now lets down our child too regularly. My child cries most weeks because of the turmoil. So I have decided to go back to file for another order so this person will finally shut up and leave me alone and be held accountable for his mistreatment and disrespect.
I’m not going to lie. I’m scared out of my mind- but I know it’s the right thing to do. At least I’ll have an order to keep me safe if he gets angry.
X ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content**Trigger warning
I’m out of a domestic violence relationship for many years. The physical violence stopped. I had a protection order against them. But as we share a child it’s been years of emotional abuse and verbal abuse and blame and put downs and shouting At me. I’ve tried being nice, civil friendly and everything but it always blows up. I get anxious and thrown into full panic mode each and every time. He now lets down our child too regularly. My child cries most weeks because of the turmoil. So I have decided to go back to file for another order so this person will finally shut up and leave me alone and be held accountable for his mistreatment and disrespect.
I’m not going to lie. I’m scared out of my mind- but I know it’s the right thing to do. At least I’ll have an order to keep me safe if he gets angry.
X [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentLast night things finally came to a head. My husband, when he wants to argue will take away my cell phone or any lines of communication I have (he will go so far as to disconnect our landline). He also likes to call my friends and tell them I’m “acting crazy”. Last night he physically abused me again...he does what he knows is the worst for me. He holds me down and hurts me and won’t let me free. He decided to FaceTime one of my friends and proceeded to tell her that I had “went crazy and attacked him”... I did scratch him to try to get him off of me so he showed her that. I was sitting on the floor crying in my underwear and he faced the camera towards me so she could see....as soon as I started to say that he was lying, and that I had bruises, he quickly hung up the phone. But my friend knew I was in trouble and she called the police as soon as she got off the phone. He did not stop hurting me until the police showed up, and when they did come he told me to tell them to leave and that I had self inflicted wounds 😞 I really had no idea how they knew to come to my house....because I had tried to dial 911 on my cell phone and house phone but he ripped the phones away. I had thought that maybe the call did go through but I found out later that it was my friend who called. Thank god for her ♥️ this is not the first time this has happened but he always told me every incident would be the last. I just couldn’t believe he would do it again and again. I have a beautiful 6 month old daughter who was asleep on her crib in the next room during all of this 💔 💔 I’m so grateful that the police believed me and helped me to file a temporary restraining order. I feel lost today....it’s Valentine’s Day and I am at home with my daughter. I’m in so much pain mentally and physically but I’m also heartbroken and miss him....I know this is for the best because he cannot be abusing me but why does it hurt so bad when they are finally away? I hope everyone’s day is better and thanks for letting me vent to you all 💜 ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentLast night things finally came to a head. My husband, when he wants to argue will take away my cell phone or any lines of communication I have (he will go so far as to disconnect our landline). He also likes to call my friends and tell them I’m “acting crazy”. Last night he physically abused me again...he does what he knows is the worst for me. He holds me down and hurts me and won’t let me free. He decided to FaceTime one of my friends and proceeded to tell her that I had “went crazy and attacked him”... I did scratch him to try to get him off of me so he showed her that. I was sitting on the floor crying in my underwear and he faced the camera towards me so she could see....as soon as I started to say that he was lying, and that I had bruises, he quickly hung up the phone. But my friend knew I was in trouble and she called the police as soon as she got off the phone. He did not stop hurting me until the police showed up, and when they did come he told me to tell them to leave and that I had self inflicted wounds 😞 I really had no idea how they knew to come to my house....because I had tried to dial 911 on my cell phone and house phone but he ripped the phones away. I had thought that maybe the call did go through but I found out later that it was my friend who called. Thank god for her ♥️ this is not the first time this has happened but he always told me every incident would be the last. I just couldn’t believe he would do it again and again. I have a beautiful 6 month old daughter who was asleep on her crib in the next room during all of this 💔 💔 I’m so grateful that the police believed me and helped me to file a temporary restraining order. I feel lost today....it’s Valentine’s Day and I am at home with my daughter. I’m in so much pain mentally and physically but I’m also heartbroken and miss him....I know this is for the best because he cannot be abusing me but why does it hurt so bad when they are finally away? I hope everyone’s day is better and thanks for letting me vent to you all 💜 [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI made the choice to have my cat of 16 years put down last night. She was so sick and so tired. My ex-husband and I adopted her when we got engaged and moved in together. When things got bad between us she would sit on my lap and try to make me feel better. On nights when he would tear through the house destroying things and coming after me, she and I would cuddle up on the bathroom floor and hide until morning. She's very easily the reason I am here now still alive finally out of that hell.
I miss her and I am grateful for her and I don't know how to keep going without her still here. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI made the choice to have my cat of 16 years put down last night. She was so sick and so tired. My ex-husband and I adopted her when we got engaged and moved in together. When things got bad between us she would sit on my lap and try to make me feel better. On nights when he would tear through the house destroying things and coming after me, she and I would cuddle up on the bathroom floor and hide until morning. She's very easily the reason I am here now still alive finally out of that hell.
I miss her and I am grateful for her and I don't know how to keep going without her still here. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
I’ve had a restraining order on him for almost 2 years now. He violated mine 2/6/20, 10/14/21, 11/19/21 and his other ex’s RO on 10/11/21. They sent me mail that he is being put on trial in family court for domestic violence. What should I expect in this situation with court. I’m not sure if they’re going to sentence him or what but would like some input. ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
I’ve had a restraining order on him for almost 2 years now. He violated mine 2/6/20, 10/14/21, 11/19/21 and his other ex’s RO on 10/11/21. They sent me mail that he is being put on trial in family court for domestic violence. What should I expect in this situation with court. I’m not sure if they’re going to sentence him or what but would like some input. [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI had a week off work at the end of November 2020 due to injuries that he had given me. I was late to work one day at the end of December due to his need for me to stay awake with him on a night. I needed a day off a couple of weeks ago as I had just started prosecution against him and I’m tired af and stressed af. After I took that day off I was informed I’m on sickness monitoring. I have just taken the weekend off because I’ve had more time with police and done another statement about him contacting me again (breaking bail for the second time in less than two weeks). I’m scared to go back to work because they seem to have no patience for my time off. I don’t want to lose my job. I’m already in so much debt because of him. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI had a week off work at the end of November 2020 due to injuries that he had given me. I was late to work one day at the end of December due to his need for me to stay awake with him on a night. I needed a day off a couple of weeks ago as I had just started prosecution against him and I’m tired af and stressed af. After I took that day off I was informed I’m on sickness monitoring. I have just taken the weekend off because I’ve had more time with police and done another statement about him contacting me again (breaking bail for the second time in less than two weeks). I’m scared to go back to work because they seem to have no patience for my time off. I don’t want to lose my job. I’m already in so much debt because of him. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left last April, when I left I was a grey shadow of a woman, a dry husk. I'm doing better now, not great but better, but people don't seem to understand that me pre-him is dead.
They think I'm rude because I call people out constantly when they talk down to me, accuse me of things that aren't true, say something derogatory or sexist, gaslight me or try to dismiss me. I used to brush things off, I wouldn't rise to people and I'd take things with a pinch of salt or find the funny side.
But now I fucking refuse, I refuse to give people a free pass, I refuse to brush it off or take it on the chin from anyone, be they family, "friends", friends of friends that I'm expected to be polite to, strangers that run their mouth.
I'm not putting myself in danger or being aggressive to anyone at all, that's not my nature, I'm just standing up for myself for the first time.
And now people that I've stood by and supported through so many things while I was secretly dealing with years of abuse are treating me like I'm some obnoxious bitch because I've found my backbone. I've stopped putting everyone else first and allowing my own needs to fall by the wayside so I can do things for others. And rather than anyone thinking it's healthy that I'm finally looking after myself for the first time at 30, they're treating my like I'm a selfish bitch for not being at their beck and call.
I'm tired and I'm frustrated, and I'm so so lonely. Are my standards too high now? Is it better to feel like shit for looking after myself and ending up alone or feel like shit because people are shitting on me but at least I have company? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left last April, when I left I was a grey shadow of a woman, a dry husk. I'm doing better now, not great but better, but people don't seem to understand that me pre-him is dead.
They think I'm rude because I call people out constantly when they talk down to me, accuse me of things that aren't true, say something derogatory or sexist, gaslight me or try to dismiss me. I used to brush things off, I wouldn't rise to people and I'd take things with a pinch of salt or find the funny side.
But now I fucking refuse, I refuse to give people a free pass, I refuse to brush it off or take it on the chin from anyone, be they family, "friends", friends of friends that I'm expected to be polite to, strangers that run their mouth.
I'm not putting myself in danger or being aggressive to anyone at all, that's not my nature, I'm just standing up for myself for the first time.
And now people that I've stood by and supported through so many things while I was secretly dealing with years of abuse are treating me like I'm some obnoxious bitch because I've found my backbone. I've stopped putting everyone else first and allowing my own needs to fall by the wayside so I can do things for others. And rather than anyone thinking it's healthy that I'm finally looking after myself for the first time at 30, they're treating my like I'm a selfish bitch for not being at their beck and call.
I'm tired and I'm frustrated, and I'm so so lonely. Are my standards too high now? Is it better to feel like shit for looking after myself and ending up alone or feel like shit because people are shitting on me but at least I have company? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am a 26F and have been married to my boyfriend of six years since a little bit more than a moth now. (We have never lived together before marriage)
During this month, we had our ups and downs as I heard that this is a normal thing when you move in with someone let alone get married to them.
We share bills and are fine with that we have equal responsibilities I think but I am the one who always cooks, and for him to do things as I want to I always have to repeat myself many times at a time to get heard, almost like with a kid.
During this month we had two major fights, and I am starting to ask myself if it is domestic abuse or not. During the fights I always yell because he provocantes me with words he knows I can’t stand, and after I start yelling he becomes crazy, because he already told me many times that his boundary is yelling and that if I yell at him I shouldn’t expect him to behave well or talk to me respectfully.
He always tries to leave when the fights get too hot and I can’t stand someone ignoring my talking and leaving after they set me on fire, I feel like I am the one who pushes his buttons too far by not letting him leave. But then when he doesn’t leave he starts hitting the walls, threatening to hit me, grabbing me very hard from the wrists and even pushing me. He threatened many times of killing me or hitting me if I don’t stop talking but I can’t stop talking when I still have things to say. He says horrible things to me like calling me crazy and threatening to kick me out or to leave and never coming back again knowing that I told him many times that I can’t stand it and it is a red line for me.
One time when I tried to make him talk to me by physically trying to prevent him from getting out from the room, he accidentally hit me very hard at the face trying to leave nevertheless and I had a black eye for a few days after that
I feel like I am the one who gets him to the state of hitting walls and banging things everywhere, partially by not being able to control myself and yell at him during fights so I don’t know wether or not it is domestic violence at this state or not.
I can’t talk about it to friend and family because I feel like there is no coming back after that and I am scared of being the one who provoques it and the idea of telling people about it makes me feel like I am lying.
I feel really desperate after fights like this occur and lost knowing that I have never experienced that with him before marriage and that his behavior towards me changed completely after marriage and that he seems to expect me to be a lot more submissive now that we are married. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am a 26F and have been married to my boyfriend of six years since a little bit more than a moth now. (We have never lived together before marriage)
During this month, we had our ups and downs as I heard that this is a normal thing when you move in with someone let alone get married to them.
We share bills and are fine with that we have equal responsibilities I think but I am the one who always cooks, and for him to do things as I want to I always have to repeat myself many times at a time to get heard, almost like with a kid.
During this month we had two major fights, and I am starting to ask myself if it is domestic abuse or not. During the fights I always yell because he provocantes me with words he knows I can’t stand, and after I start yelling he becomes crazy, because he already told me many times that his boundary is yelling and that if I yell at him I shouldn’t expect him to behave well or talk to me respectfully.
He always tries to leave when the fights get too hot and I can’t stand someone ignoring my talking and leaving after they set me on fire, I feel like I am the one who pushes his buttons too far by not letting him leave. But then when he doesn’t leave he starts hitting the walls, threatening to hit me, grabbing me very hard from the wrists and even pushing me. He threatened many times of killing me or hitting me if I don’t stop talking but I can’t stop talking when I still have things to say. He says horrible things to me like calling me crazy and threatening to kick me out or to leave and never coming back again knowing that I told him many times that I can’t stand it and it is a red line for me.
One time when I tried to make him talk to me by physically trying to prevent him from getting out from the room, he accidentally hit me very hard at the face trying to leave nevertheless and I had a black eye for a few days after that
I feel like I am the one who gets him to the state of hitting walls and banging things everywhere, partially by not being able to control myself and yell at him during fights so I don’t know wether or not it is domestic violence at this state or not.
I can’t talk about it to friend and family because I feel like there is no coming back after that and I am scared of being the one who provoques it and the idea of telling people about it makes me feel like I am lying.
I feel really desperate after fights like this occur and lost knowing that I have never experienced that with him before marriage and that his behavior towards me changed completely after marriage and that he seems to expect me to be a lot more submissive now that we are married. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |