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It began in a Woman’s Club in London on a February afternoon—an uncomfortable
club, and a miserable afternoon—when Mrs. Wilkins, who had come down from
Hampstead to shop and had lunched at her club, took up The Times from
the table in the smoking-room, and running her listless eye down the Agony
Column saw this: To Those who Appreciate Wistaria and Sunshine. Small mediaeval Italian Castle
on the shores of the Mediterranean to be Let Furnished for the month of April.
Necessary servants remain. Z, Box 1000, The Times. That was its conception; yet, as in the case of many another, the conceiver was
unaware of it at the moment. So entirely unaware was Mrs. Wilkins that her April for that year had then and
there been settled for her that she dropped the newspaper with a gesture that
was both irritated and resigned, and went over to the window and stared
drearily out at the dripping street. Not for her were mediaeval castles, even those that are specially described as
small. Not for her the shores in April of the Mediterranean, and the wistaria
and sunshine. Such delights were only for the rich. Yet the advertisement had
been addressed to persons who appreciate these things, so that it had been,
anyhow, addressed too to her, for she certainly appreciated them; more than
anybody knew; more than she had ever told. But she was poor. In the whole world
she possessed of her very own only ninety pounds, saved from year to year, put
by carefully pound by pound, out of her dress allowance. She had scraped this
sum together at the suggestion of her husband as a shield and refuge against a
rainy day. Her dress allowance, given her by her father, was £100 a year, so
that Mrs. Wilkins’s clothes were what her husband, urging her to save, called
modest and becoming, and her acquaintance to each other, when they spoke of her
at all, which was seldom for she was very negligible, called a perfect sight. Mr. Wilkins, a solicitor, encouraged thrift, except that branch of it which got
into his food. He did not call that thrift, he called it bad housekeeping. But
for the thrift which, like moth, penetrated into Mrs. Wilkins’s clothes and
spoilt them, he had much praise. “You never know,” he said, “when there will be
a rainy day, and you may be very glad to find you have a nest-egg. Indeed we
both may.” Looking out of the club window into Shaftesbury Avenue—hers was an economical
club, but convenient for Hampstead, where she lived, and for Shoolbred’s, where
she shopped—Mrs. Wilkins, having stood there some time very drearily, her
mind’s eye on the Mediterranean in April, and the wistaria, and the enviable
opportunities of the rich, while her bodily eye watched the really extremely
horrible sooty rain falling steadily on the hurrying umbrellas and splashing
omnibuses, suddenly wondered whether perhaps this was not the rainy day
Mellersh—Mellersh was Mr. Wilkins—had so often encouraged her to prepare for,
and whether to get out of such a climate and into the small mediaeval castle
wasn’t perhaps what Providence had all along intended her to do with her
savings. Part of her savings, of course; perhaps quite a small part. The
castle, being mediaeval, might also be dilapidated, and dilapidations were
surely cheap. She wouldn’t in the least mind a few of them, because you didn’t
pay for dilapidations which were already there; on the contrary—by reducing the
price you had to pay they really paid you. But what nonsense to think of it . .
. She turned away from the window with the same gesture of mingled irritation and
resignation with which she had laid down The Times, and crossed the room
towards the door with the intention of getting her mackintosh and umbrella and
fighting her way into one of the overcrowded omnibuses and going to Shoolbred’s
on her way home and buying some soles for Mellersh’s dinner—Mellersh was
difficult with fish and liked only soles, except salmon—when she beheld Mrs.
Arbuthnot, a woman she knew by sight as also living in Hampstead and belonging
to the club, sitting at the table in the middle of the room on which the
newspapers and magazines were kept, absorbed, in her turn, in the first page of
The Times. Mrs. Wilkins had never yet spoken to Mrs. Arbuthnot, who belonged to one of the
various church sets, and who analysed, classified, divided and registered the
poor; whereas she and Mellersh, when they did go out, went to the parties of
impressionist painters, of whom in Hampstead there were many. Mellersh had a
sister who had married one of them and lived up on the Heath, and because of
this alliance Mrs. Wilkins was drawn into a circle which was highly unnatural
to her, and she had learned to dread pictures. She had to say things about
them, and she didn’t know what to say. She used to murmur, “Marvellous,” and
feel that it was not enough. But nobody minded. Nobody listened. Nobody took
any notice of Mrs. Wilkins. She was the kind of person who is not noticed at
parties. Her clothes, infested by thrift, made her practically invisible; her
face was non-arresting; her conversation was reluctant; she was shy. And if
one’s clothes and face and conversation are all negligible, thought Mrs.
Wilkins, who recognised her disabilities, what, at parties, is there left of
one? Also she was always with Wilkins, that clean-shaven, fine-looking man, who gave
a party, merely by coming to it, a great air. Wilkins was very respectable. He
was known to be highly thought of by his senior partners. His sister’s circle
admired him. He pronounced adequately intelligent judgments on art and artists.
He was pithy; he was prudent; he never said a word too much, nor, on the other
hand, did he ever say a word too little. He produced the impression of keeping
copies of everything he said; and he was so obviously reliable that it often
happened that people who met him at these parties became discontented with
their own solicitors, and after a period of restlessness extricated themselves
and went to Wilkins. Naturally Mrs. Wilkins was blotted out. “She,” said his sister, with something
herself of the judicial, the digested, and the final in her manner, “should
stay at home.” But Wilkins could not leave his wife at home. He was a family
solicitor, and all such have wives and show them. With his in the week he went
to parties, and with his on Sundays he went to church. Being still fairly
young—he was thirty-nine—and ambitious of old ladies, of whom he had not yet
acquired in his practice a sufficient number, he could not afford to miss
church, and it was there that Mrs. Wilkins became familiar, though never
through words, with Mrs. Arbuthnot. She saw her marshalling the children of the poor into pews. She would come in
at the head of the procession from the Sunday School exactly five minutes
before the choir, and get her boys and girls neatly fitted into their allotted
seats, and down on their little knees in their preliminary prayer, and up again
on their feet just as, to the swelling organ, the vestry door opened, and the
choir and clergy, big with the litanies and commandments they were presently to
roll out, emerged. She had a sad face, yet she was evidently efficient. The
combination used to make Mrs. Wilkins wonder, for she had been told by
Mellersh, on days when she had only been able to get plaice, that if one were
efficient one wouldn’t be depressed, and that if one does one’s job well one
becomes automatically bright and brisk. About Mrs. Arbuthnot there was nothing bright and brisk, though much in her way
with the Sunday School children that was automatic; but when Mrs. Wilkins,
turning from the window, caught sight of her in the club she was not being
automatic at all, but was looking fixedly at one portion of the first page of
The Times, holding the paper quite still, her eyes not moving. She was
just staring; and her face, as usual, was the face of a patient and
disappointed Madonna. Obeying an impulse she wondered at even while obeying it, Mrs. Wilkins, the
shy and the reluctant, instead of proceeding as she had intended to the
cloakroom and from thence to Schoolbred’s in search of Mellersh’s fish,
stopped at the table and sat down exactly opposite Mrs. Arbuthnot, to whom
she had never yet spoken in her life. It was one of those long, narrow refectory tables, so that they were quite
close to each other. Mrs. Arbuthnot, however, did not look up. She continued to gaze, with eyes
that seemed to be dreaming, at one spot only of The Times. Mrs. Wilkins watched her a minute, trying to screw up courage to speak to her.
She wanted to ask her if she had seen the advertisement. She did not know why
she wanted to ask her this, but she wanted to. How stupid not to be able to
speak to her. She looked so kind. She looked so unhappy. Why couldn’t two
unhappy people refresh each other on their way through this dusty business of
life by a little talk—real, natural talk, about what they felt, what they would
have liked, what they still tried to hope? And she could not help thinking that
Mrs. Arbuthnot, too, was reading that very same advertisement. Her eyes were on
the very part of the paper. Was she, too, picturing what it would be like—the
colour, the fragrance, the light, the soft lapping of the sea among little hot
rocks? Colour, fragrance, light, sea; instead of Shaftesbury Avenue, and the
wet omnibuses, and the fish department at Shoolbred’s, and the Tube to
Hampstead, and dinner, and to-morrow the same and the day after the same and
always the same . . . Suddenly Mrs. Wilkins found herself leaning across the table. “Are you reading
about the mediaeval castle and the wistaria?” she heard herself asking. Naturally Mrs. Arbuthnot was surprised; but she was not half so much surprised
as Mrs. Wilkins was at herself for asking. Mrs. Arbuthnot had not yet to her knowledge set eyes on the shabby, lank,
loosely-put-together figure sitting opposite her, with its small freckled face
and big grey eyes almost disappearing under a smashed-down wet-weather hat, and
she gazed at her a moment without answering. She was reading about the
mediaeval castle and the wistaria, or rather had read about it ten minutes
before, and since then had been lost in dreams—of light, of colour, of
fragrance, of the soft lapping of the sea among little hot rocks . . . “Why do you ask me that?” she said in her grave voice, for her training of and
by the poor had made her grave and patient. Mrs. Wilkins flushed and looked excessively shy and frightened. “Oh, only
because I saw it too, and I thought perhaps—I thought somehow—” she stammered. Whereupon Mrs. Arbuthnot, her mind being used to getting people into lists and
divisions, from habit considered, as she gazed thoughtfully at Mrs. Wilkins,
under what heading, supposing she had to classify her, she could most properly
be put. “And I know you by sight,” went on Mrs. Wilkins, who, like all the shy, once
she was started plunged on, frightening herself to more and more speech by the
sheer sound of what she had said last in her ears. “Every Sunday—I see you
every Sunday in church—” “In church?” echoed Mrs. Arbuthnot. “And this seems such a wonderful thing—this advertisement about the
wistaria—and—” Mrs. Wilkins, who must have been at least thirty, broke off and wriggled in her
chair with the movement of an awkward and embarrassed schoolgirl. “It seems so wonderful,” she went on in a kind of burst, “and—it is such
a miserable day . . .” And then she sat looking at Mrs. Arbuthnot with the eyes of an imprisoned dog. “This poor thing,” thought Mrs. Arbuthnot, whose life was spent in helping and
alleviating, “needs advice.” She accordingly prepared herself patiently to give it. “If you see me in church,” she said, kindly and attentively, “I suppose you
live in Hampstead too?” “Oh yes,” said Mrs. Wilkins. And she repeated, her head on its long thin neck
drooping a little as if the recollection of Hampstead bowed her, “Oh yes.” “Where?” asked Mrs. Arbuthnot, who, when advice was needed, naturally first
proceeded to collect the facts. But Mrs. Wilkins, laying her hand softly and caressingly on the part of The
Times where the advertisement was, as though the mere printed words of it
were precious, only said, “Perhaps that’s why this seems so wonderful.” “No—I think that’s wonderful anyhow,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, forgetting
facts and faintly sighing. “Then you were reading it?” “Yes,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, her eyes going dreamy again. “Wouldn’t it be wonderful?” murmured Mrs. Wilkins. “Wonderful,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. Her face, which had lit up, faded into
patience again. “Very wonderful,” she said. “But it’s no use wasting one’s time
thinking of such things.” “Oh, but it is,” was Mrs. Wilkins’s quick, surprising reply; surprising
because it was so much unlike the rest of her—the characterless coat and skirt,
the crumpled hat, the undecided wisp of hair straggling out. “And just the
considering of them is worth while in itself—such a change from Hampstead—and
sometimes I believe—I really do believe—if one considers hard enough one gets
things.” Mrs. Arbuthnot observed her patiently. In what category would she, supposing
she had to, put her? “Perhaps,” she said, leaning forward a little, “you will tell me your name. If
we are to be friends”—she smiled her grave smile—“as I hope we are, we had
better begin at the beginning.” “Oh yes—how kind of you. I’m Mrs. Wilkins,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “I don’t
expect,” she added, flushing, as Mrs. Arbuthnot said nothing, “that it conveys
anything to you. Sometimes it—it doesn’t seem to convey anything to me either.
But”—she looked round with a movement of seeking help—“I am Mrs.
Wilkins.” She did not like her name. It was a mean, small name, with a kind of facetious
twist, she thought, about its end like the upward curve of a pugdog’s tail.
There it was, however. There was no doing anything with it. Wilkins she was and
Wilkins she would remain; and though her husband encouraged her to give it on
all occasions as Mrs. Mellersh-Wilkins she only did that when he was within
earshot, for she thought Mellersh made Wilkins worse, emphasising it in the way
Chatsworth on the gate-posts of a villa emphasises the villa. When first he suggested she should add Mellersh she had objected for the above
reason, and after a pause—Mellersh was much too prudent to speak except after a
pause, during which presumably he was taking a careful mental copy of his
coming observation—he said, much displeased, “But I am not a villa,” and looked
at her as he looks who hopes, for perhaps the hundredth time, that he may not
have married a fool. Of course he was not a villa, Mrs. Wilkins assured him; she had never supposed
he was; she had not dreamed of meaning . . . she was only just thinking . . . The more she explained the more earnest became Mellersh’s hope, familiar to him
by this time, for he had then been a husband for two years, that he might not
by any chance have married a fool; and they had a prolonged quarrel, if that
can be called a quarrel which is conducted with dignified silence on one side
and earnest apology on the other, as to whether or no Mrs. Wilkins had intended
to suggest that Mr. Wilkins was a villa. “I believe,” she had thought when it was at last over—it took a long
while—“that anybody would quarrel about anything when they’ve not
left off being together for a single day for two whole years. What we both need
is a holiday.” “My husband,” went on Mrs. Wilkins to Mrs. Arbuthnot, trying to throw some
light on herself, “is a solicitor. He—” She cast about for something she could
say elucidatory of Mellersh, and found: “He’s very handsome.” “Well,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot kindly, “that must be a great pleasure to you.” “Why?” asked Mrs. Wilkins. “Because,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, a little taken aback, for constant intercourse
with the poor had accustomed her to have her pronouncements accepted without
question, “because beauty—handsomeness—is a gift like any other, and if it is
properly used—” She trailed off into silence. Mrs. Wilkins’s great grey eyes were fixed on her,
and it seemed suddenly to Mrs. Arbuthnot that perhaps she was becoming
crystallised into a habit of exposition, and of exposition after the manner of
nursemaids, through having an audience that couldn’t but agree, that would be
afraid, if it wished, to interrupt, that didn’t know, that was, in fact, at her
mercy. But Mrs. Wilkins was not listening; for just then, absurd as it seemed, a
picture had flashed across her brain, and there were two figures in it sitting
together under a great trailing wistaria that stretched across the branches of
a tree she didn’t know, and it was herself and Mrs. Arbuthnot—she saw them—she
saw them. And behind them, bright in sunshine, were old grey walls—the
mediaeval castle—she saw it—they were there . . . She therefore stared at Mrs. Arbuthnot and did not hear a word she said. And
Mrs. Arbuthnot stared too at Mrs. Wilkins, arrested by the expression on her
face, which was swept by the excitement of what she saw, and was as luminous
and tremulous under it as water in sunlight when it is ruffled by a gust of
wind. At this moment, if she had been at a party, Mrs. Wilkins would have been
looked at with interest. They stared at each other; Mrs. Arbuthnot surprised, inquiringly, Mrs. Wilkins
with the eyes of some one who has had a revelation. Of course. That was how it
could be done. She herself, she by herself, couldn’t afford it, and wouldn’t be
able, even if she could afford it, to go there all alone; but she and Mrs.
Arbuthnot together . . . She leaned across the table. “Why don’t we try and get it?” she whispered. Mrs. Arbuthnot became even more wide-eyed. “Get it?” she repeated. “Yes,” said Mrs. Wilkins, still as though she were afraid of being overheard.
“Not just sit here and say How wonderful, and then go home to Hampstead without
having put out a finger—go home just as usual and see about the dinner and the
fish just as we’ve been doing for years and years and will go on doing for
years and years. In fact,” said Mrs. Wilkins, flushing to the roots of her
hair, for the sound of what she was saying, of what was coming pouring out,
frightened her, and yet she couldn’t stop, “I see no end to it. There is no end
to it. So that there ought to be a break, there ought to be intervals—in
everybody’s interests. Why, it would really be being unselfish to go away and
be happy for a little, because we would come back so much nicer. You see, after
a bit everybody needs a holiday.” “But—how do you mean, get it?” asked Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Take it,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “Take it?” “Rent it. Hire it. Have it.” “But—do you mean you and I?” “Yes. Between us. Share. Then it would only cost half, and you look so—you look
exactly as if you wanted it just as much as I do—as if you ought to have a
rest—have something happy happen to you.” “Why, but we don’t know each other.” “But just think how well we would if we went away together for a month! And
I’ve saved for a rainy day, and I expect so have you, and this is the
rainy day—look at it—” “She is unbalanced,” thought Mrs. Arbuthnot; yet she felt strangely stirred. “Think of getting away for a whole month—from everything—to heaven—” “She shouldn’t say things like that,” thought Mrs. Arbuthnot. “The vicar—” Yet
she felt strangely stirred. It would indeed be wonderful to have a rest, a
cessation. Habit, however, steadied her again; and years of intercourse with the poor made
her say, with the slight though sympathetic superiority of the explainer, “But
then, you see, heaven isn’t somewhere else. It is here and now. We are told
so.” She became very earnest, just as she did when trying patiently to help and
enlighten the poor. “Heaven is within us,” she said in her gentle low voice.
“We are told that on the very highest authority. And you know the lines about
the kindred points, don’t you—” “Oh yes, I know them,” interrupted Mrs. Wilkins impatiently. “The kindred points of heaven and home,” continued Mrs. Arbuthnot, who was used
to finishing her sentences. “Heaven is in our home.” “It isn’t,” said Mrs. Wilkins, again surprisingly. Mrs. Arbuthnot was taken aback. Then she said gently, “Oh, but it is. It is
there if we choose, if we make it.” “I do choose, and I do make it, and it isn’t,” said Mrs. Wilkins. Then Mrs. Arbuthnot was silent, for she too sometimes had doubts about homes.
She sat and looked uneasily at Mrs. Wilkins, feeling more and more the urgent
need to getting her classified. If she could only classify Mrs. Wilkins, get
her safely under her proper heading, she felt that she herself would regain her
balance, which did seem very strangely to be slipping all to one side. For
neither had she had a holiday for years, and the advertisement when she saw it
had set her dreaming, and Mrs. Wilkins’s excitement about it was infectious,
and she had the sensation, as she listened to her impetuous, odd talk and
watched her lit-up face, that she was being stirred out of sleep. Clearly Mrs. Wilkins was unbalanced, but Mrs. Arbuthnot had met the unbalanced
before—indeed she was always meeting them—and they had no effect on her own
stability at all; whereas this one was making her feel quite wobbly, quite as
though to be off and away, away from her compass points of God, Husband, Home
and Duty—she didn’t feel as if Mrs. Wilkins intended Mr. Wilkins to come
too—and just for once be happy, would be both good and desirable. Which of
course it wasn’t; which certainly of course it wasn’t. She, also, had a
nest-egg, invested gradually in the Post Office Savings Bank, but to suppose
that she would ever forget her duty to the extent of drawing it out and
spending it on herself was surely absurd. Surely she couldn’t, she wouldn’t
ever do such a thing? Surely she wouldn’t, she couldn’t ever forget her poor,
forget misery and sickness as completely as that? No doubt a trip to Italy
would be extraordinarily delightful, but there were many delightful things one
would like to do, and what was strength given to one for except to help one not
to do them? Steadfast as the points of the compass to Mrs. Arbuthnot were the great four
facts of life: God, Husband, Home, Duty. She had gone to sleep on these facts
years ago, after a period of much misery, her head resting on them as on a
pillow; and she had a great dread of being awakened out of so simple and
untroublesome a condition. Therefore it was that she searched with earnestness
for a heading under which to put Mrs. Wilkins, and in this way illumine and
steady her own mind; and sitting there looking at her uneasily after her last
remark, and feeling herself becoming more and more unbalanced and infected, she
decided pro tem, as the vicar said at meetings, to put her under the
heading Nerves. It was just possible that she ought to go straight into the
category Hysteria, which was often only the antechamber to Lunacy, but Mrs.
Arbuthnot had learned not to hurry people into their final categories, having
on more than one occasion discovered with dismay that she had made a mistake;
and how difficult it had been to get them out again, and how crushed she had
been with the most terrible remorse. Yes. Nerves. Probably she had no regular work for others, thought Mrs.
Arbuthnot; no work that would take her outside herself. Evidently she was
rudderless—blown about by gusts, by impulses. Nerves was almost certainly her
category, or would be quite soon if no one helped her. Poor little thing,
thought Mrs. Arbuthnot, her own balance returning hand in hand with her
compassion, and unable, because of the table, to see the length of Mrs.
Wilkins’s legs. All she saw was her small, eager, shy face, and her thin
shoulders, and the look of childish longing in her eyes for something that she
was sure was going to make her happy. No; such things didn’t make people happy,
such fleeting things. Mrs. Arbuthnot had learned in her long life with
Frederick—he was her husband, and she had married him at twenty and was now
thirty-three—where alone true joys are to be found. They are to be found, she
now knew, only in daily, in hourly, living for others; they are to be found
only—hadn’t she over and over again taken her disappointments and
discouragements there, and come away comforted?—at the feet of God. Frederick had been the kind of husband whose wife betakes herself early to the
feet of God. From him to them had been a short though painful step. It seemed
short to her in retrospect, but it had really taken the whole of the first year
of their marriage, and every inch of the way had been a struggle, and every
inch of it was stained, she felt at the time, with her heart’s blood. All that
was over now. She had long since found peace. And Frederick, from her
passionately loved bridegroom, from her worshipped young husband, had become
second only to God on her list of duties and forbearances. There he hung, the
second in importance, a bloodless thing bled white by her prayers. For years
she had been able to be happy only by forgetting happiness. She wanted to stay
like that. She wanted to shut out everything that would remind her of beautiful
things, that might set her off again longing, desiring.... “I’d like so much to be friends,” she said earnestly. “Won’t you come and see
me, or let me come to you sometimes? Whenever you feel as if you wanted to
talk. I’ll give you my address”—she searched in her handbag—“and then you won’t
forget.” And she found a card and held it out. Mrs. Wilkins ignored the card. “It’s so funny,” said Mrs. Wilkins, just as if she had not heard her, “but I
see us both—you and me—this April in the mediaeval castle.” Mrs. Arbuthnot relapsed into uneasiness. “Do you?” she said, making an effort
to stay balanced under the visionary gaze of the shining grey eyes. “Do you?” “Don’t you ever see things in a kind of flash before they happen?” asked Mrs.
Wilkins. “Never,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. She tried to smile; she tried to smile the sympathetic yet wise and tolerant
smile with which she was accustomed to listen to the necessarily biassed and
incomplete views of the poor. She didn’t succeed. The smile trembled out. “Of course,” she said in a low voice, almost as if she were afraid the vicar
and the Savings Bank were listening, “it would be most beautiful—most
beautiful—” “Even if it were wrong,” said Mrs. Wilkins, “it would only be for a month.” “That—” began Mrs. Arbuthnot, quite clear as to the reprehensibleness of such a
point of view; but Mrs. Wilkins stopped her before she could finish. “Anyhow,” said Mrs. Wilkins, stopping her, “I’m sure it’s wrong to go on being
good for too long, till one gets miserable. And I can see you’ve been good for
years and years, because you look so unhappy”—Mrs. Arbuthnot opened her mouth
to protest—“and I—I’ve done nothing but duties, things for other people, ever
since I was a girl, and I don’t believe anybody loves me a bit—a bit—the
b-better—and I long—oh, I long—for something else—something else—” Was she going to cry? Mrs. Arbuthnot became acutely uncomfortable and
sympathetic. She hoped she wasn’t going to cry. Not there. Not in that
unfriendly room, with strangers coming and going. But Mrs. Wilkins, after tugging agitatedly at a handkerchief that wouldn’t come
out of her pocket, did succeed at last in merely apparently blowing her nose
with it, and then, blinking her eyes very quickly once or twice, looked at Mrs.
Arbuthnot with a quivering air of half humble, half frightened apology, and
smiled. “Will you believe,” she whispered, trying to steady her mouth, evidently
dreadfully ashamed of herself, “that I’ve never spoken to any one before in my
life like this? I can’t think, I simply don’t know, what has come over me.” “It’s the advertisement,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, nodding gravely. “Yes,” said Mrs. Wilkins, dabbing furtively at her eyes, “and us both being
so—”—she blew her nose again a little—“miserable.” |
Of course Mrs. Arbuthnot was not miserable—how could she be, she asked herself,
when God was taking care of her?—but she let that pass for the moment
unrepudiated, because of her conviction that here was another fellow-creature
in urgent need of her help; and not just boots and blankets and better sanitary
arrangements this time, but the more delicate help of comprehension, of finding
the exact right words. The exact right words, she presently discovered, after trying various ones
about living for others, and prayer, and the peace to be found in placing
oneself unreservedly in God’s hands—to meet all these words Mrs. Wilkins had
other words, incoherent and yet, for the moment at least, till one had had more
time, difficult to answer—the exact right words were a suggestion that it would
do no harm to answer the advertisement. Non-committal. Mere inquiry. And what
disturbed Mrs. Arbuthnot about this suggestion was that she did not make it
solely to comfort Mrs. Wilkins; she made it because of her own strange longing
for the mediaeval castle. This was very disturbing. There she was, accustomed to direct, to lead, to
advise, to support—except Frederick; she long since had learned to leave
Frederick to God—being led herself, being influenced and thrown off her feet,
by just an advertisement, by just an incoherent stranger. It was indeed
disturbing. She failed to understand her sudden longing for what was, after
all, self-indulgence, when for years no such desire had entered her heart. “There’s no harm in simply asking,” she said in a low voice, as if the
vicar and the Savings Bank and all her waiting and dependent poor were
listening and condemning. “It isn’t as if it committed us to anything,” said Mrs. Wilkins, also in
a low voice, but her voice shook. They got up simultaneously—Mrs. Arbuthnot had a sensation of surprise that Mrs.
Wilkins should be so tall—and went to a writing-table, and Mrs. Arbuthnot wrote
to Z, Box 1000, The Times, for particulars. She asked for all
particulars, but the only one they really wanted was the one about the rent.
They both felt that it was Mrs. Arbuthnot who ought to write the letter and do
the business part. Not only was she used to organising and being practical, but
she also was older, and certainly calmer; and she herself had no doubt too that
she was wiser. Neither had Mrs. Wilkins any doubt of this; the very way Mrs.
Arbuthnot parted her hair suggested a great calm that could only proceed from
wisdom. But if she was wiser, older and calmer, Mrs. Arbuthnot’s new friend
nevertheless seemed to her to be the one who impelled. Incoherent, she yet
impelled. She appeared to have, apart from her need of help, an upsetting kind
of character. She had a curious infectiousness. She led one on. And the way her
unsteady mind leaped at conclusions—wrong ones, of course; witness the one that
she, Mrs. Arbuthnot, was miserable—the way she leaped at conclusions was
disconcerting. Whatever she was, however, and whatever her unsteadiness, Mrs. Arbuthnot found
herself sharing her excitement and her longing; and when the letter had been
posted in the letter-box in the hall and actually was beyond getting back
again, both she and Mrs. Wilkins felt the same sense of guilt. “It only shows,” said Mrs. Wilkins in a whisper, as they turned away from the
letter-box, “how immaculately good we’ve been all our lives. The very first
time we do anything our husbands don’t know about we feel guilty.” “I’m afraid I can’t say I’ve been immaculately good,” gently protested Mrs.
Arbuthnot, a little uncomfortable at this fresh example of successful leaping
at conclusions, for she had not said a word about her feeling of guilt. “Oh, but I’m sure you have—I see you being good—and that’s why you’re
not happy.” “She shouldn’t say things like that,” thought Mrs. Arbuthnot. “I must try and
help her not to.” Aloud she said gravely, “I don’t know why you insist that I’m not happy. When
you know me better I think you’ll find that I am. And I’m sure you don’t mean
really that goodness, if one could attain it, makes one unhappy.” “Yes, I do,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “Our sort of goodness does. We have attained
it, and we are unhappy. There are miserable sorts of goodness and happy
sorts—the sort we’ll have at the mediaeval castle, for instance, is the happy
sort.” “That is, supposing we go there,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot restrainingly. She felt
that Mrs. Wilkins needed holding on to. “After all, we’ve only written just to
ask. Anybody may do that. I think it quite likely we shall find the conditions
impossible, and even if they were not, probably by to-morrow we shall not want
to go.” “I see us there,” was Mrs. Wilkins’s answer to that. All this was very unbalancing. Mrs. Arbuthnot, as she presently splashed through
the dripping streets on her way to a meeting she was to speak at, was in an
unusually disturbed condition of mind. She had, she hoped, shown herself very
calm to Mrs. Wilkins, very practical and sober, concealing her own excitement.
But she was really extraordinarily moved, and she felt happy, and she felt
guilty, and she felt afraid, and she had all the feelings, though this she did
not know, of a woman who has come away from a secret meeting with her lover.
That, indeed, was what she looked like when she arrived late on her platform;
she, the open-browed, looked almost furtive as her eyes fell on the staring
wooden faces waiting to hear her try and persuade them to contribute to the
alleviation of the urgent needs of the Hampstead poor, each one convinced that
they needed contributions themselves. She looked as though she were hiding
something discreditable but delightful. Certainly her customary clear
expression of candour was not there, and its place was taken by a kind of
suppressed and frightened pleasedness, which would have led a more
worldly-minded audience to the instant conviction of recent and probably
impassioned lovemaking. Beauty, beauty, beauty . . . the words kept ringing in her ears as she stood on
the platform talking of sad things to the sparsely attended meeting. She had
never been to Italy. Was that really what her nest-egg was to be spent on after
all? Though she couldn’t approve of the way Mrs. Wilkins was introducing the
idea of predestination into her immediate future, just as if she had no choice,
just as if to struggle, or even to reflect, were useless, it yet influenced
her. Mrs. Wilkins’s eyes had been the eyes of a seer. Some people were like
that, Mrs. Arbuthnot knew; and if Mrs. Wilkins had actually seen her at the
mediaeval castle it did seem probable that struggling would be a waste of time.
Still, to spend her nest-egg on self-indulgence— The origin of this egg had
been corrupt, but she had at least supposed its end was to be creditable. Was
she to deflect it from its intended destination, which alone had appeared to
justify her keeping it, and spend it on giving herself pleasure? Mrs. Arbuthnot spoke on and on, so much practised in the kind of speech that
she could have said it all in her sleep, and at the end of the meeting, her
eyes dazzled by her secret visions, she hardly noticed that nobody was moved in
any way whatever, least of all in the way of contributions. But the vicar noticed. The vicar was disappointed. Usually his good friend and
supporter Mrs. Arbuthnot succeeded better than this. And, what was even more
unusual, she appeared, he observed, not even to mind. “I can’t imagine,” he said to her as they parted, speaking irritably, for he
was irritated both by the audience and by her, “what these people are coming
to. Nothing seems to move them.” “Perhaps they need a holiday,” suggested Mrs. Arbuthnot; an unsatisfactory, a
queer reply, the vicar thought. “In February?” he called after her sarcastically. “Oh no—not till April,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot over her shoulder. “Very odd,” thought the vicar. “Very odd indeed.” And he went home and was not
perhaps quite christian to his wife. That night in her prayers Mrs. Arbuthnot asked for guidance. She felt she ought
really to ask, straight out and roundly, that the mediaeval castle should
already have been taken by some one else and the whole thing thus be settled,
but her courage failed her. Suppose her prayer were to be answered? No; she
couldn’t ask it; she couldn’t risk it. And after all—she almost pointed this
out to God—if she spent her present nest-egg on a holiday she could quite soon
accumulate another. Frederick pressed money on her; and it would only mean,
while she rolled up a second egg, that for a time her contributions to the
parish charities would be less. And then it could be the next nest-egg whose
original corruption would be purged away by the use to which it was finally
put. For Mrs. Arbuthnot, who had no money of her own, was obliged to live on the
proceeds of Frederick’s activities, and her very nest-egg was the fruit,
posthumously ripened, of ancient sin. The way Frederick made his living was one
of the standing distresses of her life. He wrote immensely popular memoirs,
regularly, every year, of the mistresses of kings. There were in history
numerous kings who had had mistresses, and there were still more numerous
mistresses who had had kings; so that he had been able to publish a book of
memoirs during each year of his married life, and even so there were great
further piles of these ladies waiting to be dealt with. Mrs. Arbuthnot was
helpless. Whether she liked it or not, she was obliged to live on the proceeds.
He gave her a dreadful sofa once, after the success of his Du Barri memoir,
with swollen cushions and soft, receptive lap, and it seemed to her a miserable
thing that there, in her very home, should flaunt this re-incarnation of a dead
old French sinner. Simply good, convinced that morality is the basis of happiness, the fact that
she and Frederick should draw their sustenance from guilt, however much purged
by the passage of centuries, was one of the secret reasons of her sadness. The
more the memoired lady had forgotten herself, the more his book about her was
read and the more free-handed he was to his wife; and all that he gave her was
spent, after adding slightly to her nest-egg—for she did hope and believe that
some day people would cease to want to read of wickedness, and then Frederick
would need supporting—on helping the poor. The parish flourished because, to
take a handful at random, of the ill-behaviour of the ladies Du Barri,
Montespan, Pompadour, Ninon de l’Enclos, and even of learned Maintenon. The
poor were the filter through which the money was passed, to come out, Mrs.
Arbuthnot hoped, purified. She could do no more. She had tried in days gone by
to think the situation out, to discover the exact right course for her to take,
but had found it, as she had found Frederick, too difficult, and had left it,
as she had left Frederick, to God. Nothing of this money was spent on her house
or dress; those remained, except for the great soft sofa, austere. It was the
poor who profited. Their very boots were stout with sins. But how difficult it
had been. Mrs. Arbuthnot, groping for guidance, prayed about it to exhaustion.
Ought she perhaps to refuse to touch the money, to avoid it as she would have
avoided the sins which were its source? But then what about the parish’s boots?
She asked the vicar what he thought, and, through much delicate language,
evasive and cautious, it did finally appear that he was for the boots. At least she had persuaded Frederick, when first he began his terrible
successful career—he only began it after their marriage; when she married him
he had been a blameless official attached to the library of the British
Museum—to publish the memoirs under another name, so that she was not publicly
branded. Hampstead read the books with glee, and had no idea that their writer
lived in its midst. Frederick was almost unknown, even by sight, in Hampstead.
He never went to any of its gatherings. Whatever it was he did in the way of
recreation was done in London, but he never spoke of what he did or whom he
saw; he might have been perfectly friendless for any mention he ever made of
friends to his wife. Only the vicar knew where the money for the parish came
from, and he regarded it, he told Mrs. Arbuthnot, as a matter of honour not to
mention it. And at least her little house was not haunted by the loose-lived ladies, for
Frederick did his work away from home. He had two rooms near the British
Museum, which was the scene of his exhumations, and there he went every
morning, and he came back long after his wife was asleep. Sometimes he did not
come back at all. Sometimes she did not see him for several days together. Then
he would suddenly appear at breakfast, having let himself in with his latchkey
the night before, very jovial and good-natured and free-handed and glad if she
would allow him to give her something—a well-fed man, contented with the world;
a jolly, full-blooded, satisfied man. And she was always gentle, and anxious
that his coffee should be as he liked it. He seemed very happy. Life, she often thought, however much one tabulated was
yet a mystery. There were always some people it was impossible to place.
Frederick was one of them. He didn’t seem to bear the remotest resemblance to
the original Frederick. He didn’t seem to have the least need of any of the
things he used to say were so important and beautiful—love, home, complete
communion of thoughts, complete immersion in each other’s interests. After
those early painful attempts to hold him up to the point from which they had
hand in hand so splendidly started, attempts in which she herself had got
terribly hurt and the Frederick she supposed she had married was mangled out of
recognition, she hung him up finally by her bedside as the chief subject of her
prayers, and left him, except for those, entirely to God. She had loved
Frederick too deeply to be able now to do anything but pray for him. He had no
idea that he never went out of the house without her blessing going with him
too, hovering, like a little echo of finished love, round that once dear head.
She didn’t dare think of him as he used to be, as he had seemed to her to be in
those marvellous first days of their love-making, of their marriage. Her child
had died; she had nothing, nobody of her own to lavish herself on. The poor
became her children, and God the object of her love. What could be happier than
such a life, she sometimes asked herself; but her face, and particularly her
eyes, continued sad. “Perhaps when we’re old . . . perhaps when we are both quite old . . .” she
would think wistfully. |
The owner of the mediaeval castle was an Englishman, a Mr. Briggs, who was in
London at the moment and wrote that it had beds enough for eight people,
exclusive of servants, three sitting-rooms, battlements, dungeons, and electric
light. The rent was £60 for the month, the servants’ wages were extra, and he
wanted references—he wanted assurances that the second half of his rent would
be paid, the first half being paid in advance, and he wanted assurances of
respectability from a solicitor, or a doctor, or a clergyman. He was very
polite in his letter, explaining that his desire for references was what was
usual and should be regarded as a mere formality. Mrs. Arbuthnot and Mrs. Wilkins had not thought of references, and they had not
dreamed a rent could be so high. In their minds had floated sums like three
guineas a week; or less, seeing that the place was small and old. Sixty pounds for a single month. It staggered them. Before Mrs. Arbuthnot’s eyes rose up boots: endless vistas, all the stout boots
that sixty pounds would buy; and besides the rent there would be the servants’
wagesc, and the food, and the railway journeys out and home. While as for
references, these did indeed seem a stumbling-block; it did seem impossible to
give any without making their plan more public than they had intended. They had both—even Mrs. Arbuthnot, lured for once away from perfect candour by
the realisation of the great saving of trouble and criticism an imperfect
explanation would produce—they had both thought it would be a good plan to give
out, each to her own circle, their circles being luckily distinct, that each
was going to stay with a friend who had a house in Italy. It would be true as
far as it went—Mrs. Wilkins asserted that it would be quite true, but Mrs.
Arbuthnot thought it wouldn’t be quite—and it was the only way, Mrs. Wilkins
said, to keep Mellersh even approximately quiet. To spend any of her money just
on the mere getting to Italy would cause him indignation; what he would say if
he knew she was renting part of a mediaeval castle on her own account Mrs.
Wilkins preferred not to think. It would take him days to say it all; and this
although it was her very own money, and not a penny of it had ever been his. “But I expect,” she said, “your husband is just the same. I expect all husbands
are alike in the long run.” Mrs. Arbuthnot said nothing, because her reason for not wanting Frederick to
know was the exactly opposite one—Frederick would be only too pleased for her
to go, he would not mind it in the very least; indeed, he would hail such a
manifestation of self-indulgence and worldliness with an amusement that would
hurt, and urge her to have a good time and not to hurry home with a crushing
detachment. Far better, she thought, to be missed by Mellersh than to be sped
by Frederick. To be missed, to be needed, from whatever motive, was, she
thought, better than the complete loneliness of not being missed or needed at
all. She therefore said nothing, and allowed Mrs. Wilkins to leap at her conclusions
unchecked. But they did, both of them, for a whole day feel that the only thing
to be done was to renounce the mediaeval castle; and it was in arriving at this
bitter decision that they really realised how acute had been their longing for
it. Then Mrs. Arbuthnot, whose mind was trained in the finding of ways out of
difficulties, found a way out of the reference difficulty; and simultaneously
Mrs. Wilkins had a vision revealing to her how to reduce the rent. Mrs. Arbuthnot’s plan was simple, and completely successful. She took the whole
of the rent in person to the owner, drawing it out of her Savings Bank—again
she looked furtive and apologetic, as if the clerk must know the money was
wanted for purposes of self-indulgence—and, going up with the six ten pound
notes in her hand-bag to the address near the Brompton Oratory where the owner
lived, presented them to him, waiving her right to pay only half. And when he
saw her, and her parted hair and soft dark eyes and sober apparel, and heard
her grave voice, he told her not to bother about writing round for those
references. “It’ll be all right,” he said, scribbling a receipt for the rent. “Do sit down,
won’t you? Nasty day, isn’t it? You’ll find the old castle has lots of
sunshine, whatever else it hasn’t got. Husband going?” Mrs. Arbuthnot, unused to anything but candour, looked troubled at this
question and began to murmur inarticulately, and the owner at once concluded
that she was a widow—a war one, of course, for other widows were old—and that
he had been a fool not to guess it. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, turning red right up to his fair hair. “I didn’t
mean—h’m, h’m, h’m—” He ran his eye over the receipt he had written. “Yes, I think that’s all
right,” he said, getting up and giving it to her. “Now,” he added, taking the
six notes she held out and smiling, for Mrs. Arbuthnot was agreeable to look
at, “I’m richer, and you’re happier. I’ve got money, and you’ve got San
Salvatore. I wonder which is best.” “I think you know,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot with her sweet smile. He laughed and opened the door for her. It was a pity the interview was over.
He would have liked to ask her to lunch with him. She made him think of his
mother, of his nurse, of all things kind and comforting, besides having the
attraction of not being his mother or his nurse. “I hope you’ll like the old place,” he said, holding her hand a minute at the
door. The very feel of her hand, even through its glove, was reassuring; it was
the sort of hand, he thought, that children would like to hold in the dark. “In
April, you know, it’s simply a mass of flowers. And then there’s the sea. You
must wear white. You’ll fit in very well. There are several portraits of you
there.” “Portraits?” “Madonnas, you know. There’s one on the stairs really exactly like you.” Mrs. Arbuthnot smiled and said good-bye and thanked him. Without the least
trouble and at once she had got him placed in his proper category: he was an
artist and of an effervescent temperament. She shook hands and left, and he wished she hadn’t. After she was gone he
supposed that he ought to have asked for those references, if only because she
would think him so unbusiness-like not to, but he could as soon have insisted
on references from a saint in a nimbus as from that grave, sweet lady. Rose Arbuthnot. Her letter, making the appointment, lay on the table. Pretty name. That difficulty, then, was overcome. But there still remained the other one,
the really annihilating effect of the expense on the nest-eggs, and especially
on Mrs. Wilkins’s, which was in size, compared with Mrs. Arbuthnot’s, as the
egg of the plover to that of the duck; and this in its turn was overcome by the
vision vouchsafed to Mrs. Wilkins, revealing to her the steps to be taken for
its overcoming. Having got San Salvatore—the beautiful, the religious name,
fascinated them—they in their turn would advertise in the Agony Column of
The Times, and would inquire after two more ladies, of similar desires
to their own, to join them and share the expenses. At once the strain of the nest-eggs would be reduced from half to a quarter.
Mrs. Wilkins was prepared to fling her entire egg into the adventure, but she
realised that if it were to cost even sixpence over her ninety pounds her
position would be terrible. Imagine going to Mellersh and saying, “I owe.” It
would be awful enough if some day circumstances forced her to say, “I have no
nest-egg,” but at least she would be supported in such a case by the knowledge
that the egg had been her own. She therefore, though prepared to fling her last
penny into the adventure, was not prepared to fling into it a single farthing
that was not demonstrably her own; and she felt that if her share of the rent
was reduced to fifteen pounds only, she would have a safe margin for the other
expenses. Also they might economise very much on food—gather olives off their
own trees and eat them, for instance, and perhaps catch fish. Of course, as they pointed out to each other, they could reduce the rent to an
almost negligible sum by increasing the number of sharers; they could have six
more ladies instead of two if they wanted to, seeing that there were eight
beds. But supposing the eight beds were distributed in couples in four rooms,
it would not be altogether what they wanted, to find themselves shut up at
night with a stranger. Besides, they thought that perhaps having so many would
not be quite so peaceful. After all, they were going to San Salvatore for peace
and rest and joy, and six more ladies, especially if they got into one’s
bedroom, might a little interfere with that. However, there seemed to be only two ladies in England at that moment who had
any wish to join them, for they had only two answers to their advertisement. “Well, we only want two,” said Mrs. Wilkins, quickly recovering, for she had
imagined a great rush. “I think a choice would have been a good thing,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. “You mean because then we needn’t have had Lady Caroline Dester.” “I didn’t say that,” gently protested Mrs. Arbuthnot. “We needn’t have her,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “Just one more person would help us a
great deal with the rent. We’re not obliged to have two.” “But why should we not have her? She seems really quite what we want.” “Yes—she does from her letter,” said Mrs. Wilkins doubtfully. She felt she would be terribly shy of Lady Caroline. Incredible as it may seem,
seeing how they get into everything, Mrs. Wilkins had never come across any
members of the aristocracy. They interviewed Lady Caroline, and they interviewed the other applicant, a
Mrs. Fisher. Lady Caroline came to the club in Shaftesbury Avenue, and appeared to be wholly
taken up by one great longing, a longing to get away from everybody she had
ever known. When she saw the club, and Mrs. Arbuthnot, and Mrs. Wilkins, she
was sure that here was exactly what she wanted. She would be in Italy—a place
she adored; she would not be in hotels—places she loathed; she would not be
staying with friends—persons she disliked; and she would be in the company of
strangers who would never mention a single person she knew, for the simple
reason that they had not, could not have, and would not come across them. She
asked a few questions about the fourth woman, and was satisfied with the
answers. Mrs. Fisher, of Prince of Wales Terrace. A widow. She too would be
unacquainted with any of her friends. Lady Caroline did not even know where
Prince of Wales Terrace was. “It’s in London,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Is it?” said Lady Caroline. It all seemed most restful. Mrs. Fisher was unable to come to the club because, she explained by letter,
she could not walk without a stick; therefore Mrs. Arbuthnot and Mrs. Wilkins
went to her. “But if she can’t come to the club how can she go to Italy?” wondered Mrs.
Wilkins, aloud. “We shall hear that from her own lips,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. From Mrs. Fisher’s lips they merely heard, in reply to delicate questioning,
that sitting in trains was not walking about; and they knew that already.
Except for the stick, however, she appeared to be a most desirable
fourth—quiet, educated, elderly. She was much older than they or Lady
Caroline—Lady Caroline had informed them she was twenty-eight—but not so old as
to have ceased to be active-minded. She was very respectable indeed, and still
wore a complete suit of black though her husband had died, she told them,
eleven years before. Her house was full of signed photographs of illustrious
Victorian dead, all of whom she said she had known when she was little. Her
father had been an eminent critic, and in his house she had seen practically
everybody who was anybody in letters and art. Carlyle had scowled at her;
Matthew Arnold had held her on his knee; Tennyson had sonorously rallied her on
the length of her pig-tail. She animatedly showed them the photographs, hung
everywhere on her walls, pointing out the signatures with her stick, and she
neither gave any information about her own husband nor asked for any about the
husbands of her visitors; which was the greatest comfort. Indeed, she seemed to
think that they also were widows, for on inquiring who the fourth lady was to
be, and being told it was a Lady Caroline Dester, she said, “Is she a widow
too?” And on their explaining that she was not, because she had not yet been
married, observed with abstracted amiability, “All in good time.” But Mrs. Fisher’s very abstractedness—and she seemed to be absorbed chiefly in
the interesting people she used to know and in their memorial photographs, and
quite a good part of the interview was taken up by reminiscent anecdote of
Carlyle, Meredith, Matthew Arnold, Tennyson, and a host of others—her very
abstractedness was a recommendation. She only asked, she said, to be allowed to
sit quiet in the sun and remember. That was all Mrs. Arbuthnot and Mrs. Wilkins
asked of their sharers. It was their idea of a perfect sharer that she should
sit quiet in the sun and remember, rousing herself on Saturday evenings
sufficiently to pay her share. Mrs. Fisher was very fond, too, she said, of
flowers, and once when she was spending a week-end with her father at Box Hill— “Who lived at Box Hill?” interrupted Mrs. Wilkins, who hung on Mrs. Fisher’s
reminiscences, intensely excited by meeting somebody who had actually been
familiar with all the really and truly and undoubtedly great—actually seen
them, heard them talking, touched them. Mrs. Fisher looked at her over the top of her glasses in some surprise. Mrs.
Wilkins, in her eagerness to tear the heart out quickly of Mrs. Fisher’s
reminiscences, afraid that at any moment Mrs. Arbuthnot would take her away and
she wouldn’t have heard half, had already interrupted several times with
questions which appeared ignorant to Mrs. Fisher. “Meredith of course,” said Mrs. Fisher rather shortly. “I remember a particular
week-end”—she continued. “My father often took me, but I always remember this
week-end particularly—” “Did you know Keats?” eagerly interrupted Mrs. Wilkins. Mrs. Fisher, after a pause, said with sub-acid reserve that she had been
unacquainted with both Keats and Shakespeare. “Oh of course—how ridiculous of me!” cried Mrs. Wilkins, flushing scarlet.
“It’s because”—she floundered—“it’s because the immortals somehow still seem
alive, don’t they—as if they were here, going to walk into the room in another
minute—and one forgets they are dead. In fact one knows perfectly well that
they’re not dead—not nearly so dead as you and I even now,” she assured Mrs.
Fisher, who observed her over the top of her glasses. “I thought I saw Keats the other day,” Mrs. Wilkins incoherently
proceeded, driven on by Mrs. Fisher’s look over the top of her glasses. “In
Hampstead—crossing the road in front of that house—you know—the house where he
lived—” Mrs. Arbuthnot said they must be going. Mrs. Fisher did nothing to prevent them. “I really thought I saw him,” protested Mrs. Wilkins, appealing for
belief first to one and then to the other while waves of colour passed over her
face, and totally unable to stop because of Mrs. Fisher’s glasses and the
steady eyes looking at her over their tops. “I believe I did see him—he
was dressed in a—” Even Mrs. Arbuthnot looked at her now, and in her gentlest voice said they
would be late for lunch. It was at this point that Mrs. Fisher asked for references. She had no wish to
find herself shut up for four weeks with somebody who saw things. It is true
that there were three sitting-rooms, besides the garden and the battlements at
San Salvatore, so that there would be opportunities of withdrawal from Mrs.
Wilkins; but it would be disagreeable to Mrs. Fisher, for instance, if Mrs.
Wilkins were suddenly to assert that she saw Mr. Fisher. Mr. Fisher was dead;
let him remain so. She had no wish to be told he was walking about the garden.
The only reference she really wanted, for she was much too old and firmly
seated in her place in the world for questionable associates to matter to her,
was one with regard to Mrs. Wilkins’s health. Was her health quite normal? Was
she an ordinary, everyday, sensible woman? Mrs. Fisher felt that if she were
given even one address she would be able to find out what she needed. So she
asked for references, and her visitors appeared to be so much taken aback—Mrs.
Wilkins, indeed, was instantly sobered—that she added, “It is usual.” Mrs. Wilkins found her speech first. “But,” she said, “aren’t we the ones who
ought to ask for some from you?” And this seemed to Mrs. Arbuthnot too the right attitude. Surely it was they
who were taking Mrs. Fisher into their party, and not Mrs. Fisher who was
taking them into it? For answer Mrs. Fisher, leaning on her stick, went to the writing-table and in
a firm hand wrote down three names and offered them to Mrs. Wilkins, and the
names were so respectable, more, they were so momentous, they were so nearly
august, that just to read them was enough. The President of the Royal Academy,
the Archbishop of Canterbury, and the Governor of the Bank of England—who would
dare disturb such personages in their meditations with inquiries as to whether
a female friend of theirs was all she should be? “They have known me since I was little,” said Mrs. Fisher—everybody seemed to
have known Mrs. Fisher since or when she was little. “I don’t think references are nice things at all between—between ordinary
decent women,” burst out Mrs. Wilkins, made courageous by being, as she felt,
at bay; for she very well knew that the only reference she could give without
getting into trouble was Shoolbred, and she had little confidence in that, as
it would be entirely based on Mellersh’s fish. “We’re not business people. We
needn’t distrust each other—” And Mrs. Arbuthnot said, with a dignity that yet was sweet, “I’m afraid
references do bring an atmosphere into our holiday plan that isn’t quite what
we want, and I don’t think we’ll take yours up or give you any ourselves. So
that I suppose you won’t wish to join us.” And she held out her hand in good-bye. Then Mrs. Fisher, her gaze diverted to Mrs. Arbuthnot, who inspired trust and
liking even in Tube officials, felt that she would be idiotic to lose the
opportunity of being in Italy in the particular conditions offered, and that
she and this calm-browed woman between them would certainly be able to curb the
other one when she had her attacks. So she said, taking Mrs. Arbuthnot’s
offered hand, “Very well. I waive references.” She waived references. The two as they walked to the station in Kensington High Street could not help
thinking that this way of putting it was lofty. Even Mrs. Arbuthnot,
spendthrift of excuses for lapses, thought Mrs. Fisher might have used other
words; and Mrs. Wilkins, by the time she got to the station, and the walk and
the struggle on the crowded pavement with other people’s umbrellas had warmed
her blood, actually suggested waiving Mrs. Fisher. “If there is any waiving to be done, do let us be the ones who waive,” she said
eagerly. But Mrs. Arbuthnot, as usual, held on to Mrs. Wilkins; and presently, having
cooled down in the train, Mrs. Wilkins announced that at San Salvatore Mrs.
Fisher would find her level. “I see her finding her level there,” she said, her
eyes very bright. Whereupon Mrs. Arbuthnot, sitting with her quiet hands folded, turned over in
her mind how best she could help Mrs. Wilkins not to see quite so much; or at
least, if she must see, to see in silence. |
It had been arranged that Mrs. Arbuthnot and Mrs. Wilkins, travelling together,
should arrive at San Salvatore on the evening of March 31st—the owner, who told
them how to get there, appreciated their disinclination to begin their time in
it on April 1st—and Lady Caroline and Mrs. Fisher, as yet unacquainted and
therefore under no obligations to bore each other on the journey, for only
towards the end would they find out by a process of sifting who they were, were
to arrive on the morning of April 2nd. In this way everything would be got
nicely ready for the two who seemed, in spite of the equality of the sharing,
yet to have something about them of guests. There were disagreeable incidents towards the end of March, when Mrs. Wilkins,
her heart in her mouth and her face a mixture of guilt, terror and
determination, told her husband that she had been invited to Italy, and he
declined to believe it. Of course he declined to believe it. Nobody had ever
invited his wife to Italy before. There was no precedent. He required proofs.
The only proof was Mrs. Arbuthnot, and Mrs. Wilkins had produced her; but after
what entreaties, what passionate persuading! Mrs. Arbuthnot had not imagined
she would have to face Mr. Wilkins and say things to him that were short of the
truth, and it brought home to her what she had for some time suspected, that
she was slipping more and more away from God. Indeed, the whole of March was filled with unpleasant, anxious moments. It was
an uneasy month. Mrs. Arbuthnot’s conscience, made super-sensitive by years of
pampering, could not reconcile what she was doing with its own high standard of
what was right. It gave her little peace. It nudged her at her prayers. It
punctuated her entreaties for divine guidance with disconcerting questions,
such as, “Are you not a hypocrite? Do you really mean that? Would you not,
frankly, be disappointed if that prayer were granted?” The prolonged wet, raw weather was on the side too of her conscience, producing
far more sickness than usual among the poor. They had bronchitis; they had
fevers; there was no end to the distress. And here she was going off, spending
precious money on going off, simply and solely to be happy. One woman. One
woman being happy, and these piteous multitudes . . . She was unable to look the vicar in the face. He did not know, nobody knew,
what she was going to do, and from the very beginning she was unable to look
anybody in the face. She excused herself from making speeches appealing for
money. How could she stand up and ask people for money when she herself was
spending so much on her own selfish pleasure? Nor did it help her or quiet her
that, having actually told Frederick, in her desire to make up for what she was
squandering, that she would be grateful if he would let her have some money, he
instantly gave her a cheque for £100. He asked no questions. She was scarlet.
He looked at her a moment and then looked away. It was a relief to Frederick
that she should take some money. She gave it all immediately to the
organisation she worked with, and found herself more tangled in doubts than
ever. Mrs. Wilkins, on the contrary, had no doubts. She was quite certain that it was
a most proper thing to have a holiday, and altogether right and beautiful to
spend one’s own hard-collected savings on being happy. “Think how much nicer we shall be when we come back,” she said to Mrs.
Arbuthnot, encouraging that pale lady. No, Mrs. Wilkins had no doubts, but she had fears; and March was for her too an
anxious month, with the unconscious Mr. Wilkins coming back daily to his dinner
and eating his fish in the silence of imagined security. Also things happen so awkwardly. It really is astonishing, how awkwardly they
happen. Mrs. Wilkins, who was very careful all this month to give Mellersh only
the food he liked, buying it and hovering over its cooking with a zeal more
than common, succeeded so well that Mellersh was pleased; definitely pleased; so
much pleased that he began to think that he might, after all, have married the
right wife instead of, as he had frequently suspected, the wrong one. The
result was that on the third Sunday in the month—Mrs. Wilkins had made up her
trembling mind that on the fourth Sunday, there being five in that March and it
being on the fifth of them that she and Mrs. Arbuthnot were to start, she would
tell Mellersh of her invitation—on the third Sunday, then, after a very
well-cooked lunch in which the Yorkshire pudding had melted in his mouth and
the apricot tart had been so perfect that he ate it all, Mellersh, smoking his
cigar by the brightly burning fire the while hail gusts banged on the window,
said: “I am thinking of taking you to Italy for Easter.” And paused for her
astounded and grateful ecstasy. None came. The silence in the room, except for the hail hitting the windows and
the gay roar of the fire, was complete. Mrs. Wilkins could not speak. She was
dumbfounded. The next Sunday was the day she had meant to break her news to
him, and she had not yet even prepared the form of words in which she would
break it. Mr. Wilkins, who had not been abroad since before the war, and was noticing
with increasing disgust, as week followed week of wind and rain, the peculiar
persistent vileness of the weather, had slowly conceived a desire to get away
from England for Easter. He was doing very well in his business. He could
afford a trip. Switzerland was useless in April. There was a familiar sound
about Easter in Italy. To Italy he would go; and as it would cause comment if
he did not take his wife, take her he must—besides, she would be useful; a
second person was always useful in a country whose language one did not speak
for holding things, for waiting with the luggage. He had expected an explosion of gratitude and excitement. The absence of it was
incredible. She could not, he concluded, have heard. Probably she was absorbed
in some foolish day-dream. It was regrettable how childish she remained. He turned his head—their chairs were in front of the fire—and looked at her.
She was staring straight into the fire, and it was no doubt the fire that made
her face so red. “I am thinking,” he repeated, raising his clear, cultivated voice and speaking
with acerbity, for inattention at such a moment was deplorable, “of taking you
to Italy for Easter. Did you not hear me?” Yes, she had heard him, and she had been wondering at the extraordinary
coincidence—really most extraordinary—she was just going to tell him how—how
she had been invited—a friend had invited her—Easter, too—Easter was in April,
wasn’t it?—her friend had a—had a house there. In fact Mrs. Wilkins, driven by terror, guilt and surprise, had been more
incoherent if possible than usual. It was a dreadful afternoon. Mellersh, profoundly indignant, besides having his
intended treat coming back on him like a blessing to roost, cross-examined her
with the utmost severity. He demanded that she refuse the invitation. He
demanded that, since she had so outrageously accepted it without consulting
him, she should write and cancel her acceptance. Finding himself up against an
unsuspected, shocking rock of obstinacy in her, he then declined to believe she
had been invited to Italy at all. He declined to believe in this Mrs.
Arbuthnot, of whom till that moment he had never heard; and it was only when
the gentle creature was brought round—with such difficulty, with such a desire
on her part to throw the whole thing up rather than tell Mr. Wilkins less than
the truth—and herself endorsed his wife’s statements that he was able to give
them credence. He could not but believe Mrs. Arbuthnot. She produced the
precise effect on him that she did on Tube officials. She hardly needed to say
anything. But that made no difference to her conscience, which knew and would
not let her forget that she had given him an incomplete impression. “Do you,”
asked her conscience, “see any real difference between an incomplete impression
and a completely stated lie? God sees none.” The remainder of March was a confused bad dream. Both Mrs. Arbuthnot and Mrs.
Wilkins were shattered; try as they would not to, both felt extraordinarily
guilty; and when on the morning of the 30th they did finally get off there was
no exhilaration about the departure, no holiday feeling at all. “We’ve been too good—much too good,” Mrs. Wilkins kept on murmuring as
they walked up and down the platform at Victoria, having arrived there an hour
before they need have, “and that’s why we feel as though we’re doing wrong.
We’re brow-beaten—we’re not any longer real human beings. Real human beings
aren’t ever as good as we’ve been. Oh”—she clenched her thin hands—“to
think that we ought to be so happy now, here on the very station,
actually starting, and we’re not, and it’s being spoilt for us just simply
because we’ve spoilt them! What have we done—what have we done, I should
like to know,” she inquired of Mrs. Arbuthnot indignantly, “except for once
want to go away by ourselves and have a little rest from them?” Mrs. Arbuthnot, patiently pacing, did not ask who she meant by them,
because she knew. Mrs. Wilkins meant their husbands, persisting in her
assumption that Frederick was as indignant as Mellersh over the departure of
his wife, whereas Frederick did not even know his wife had gone. Mrs. Arbuthnot, always silent about him, had said nothing of this to Mrs.
Wilkins. Frederick went too deep into her heart for her to talk about him. He
was having an extra bout of work finishing another of those dreadful books, and
had been away practically continually the last few weeks, and was away when she
left. Why should she tell him beforehand? Sure as she so miserably was that he
would have no objection to anything she did, she merely wrote him a note and
put it on the hall-table ready for him if and when he should come home. She
said she was going for a month’s holiday as she needed a rest and she had not
had one for so long, and that Gladys, the efficient parlourmaid, had orders to
see to his comforts. She did not say where she was going; there was no reason
why she should; he would not be interested, he would not care. The day was wretched, blustering and wet; the crossing was atrocious, and they
were very sick. But after having been very sick, just to arrive at Calais and
not be sick was happiness, and it was there that the real splendour of what
they were doing first began to warm their benumbed spirits. It got hold of Mrs.
Wilkins first, and spread from her like a rose-coloured flame over her pale
companion. Mellersh at Calais, where they restored themselves with soles
because of Mrs. Wilkins’s desire to eat a sole Mellersh wasn’t having—Mellersh
at Calais had already begun to dwindle and seem less important. None of the
French porters knew him; not a single official at Calais cared a fig for
Mellersh. In Paris there was no time to think of him because their train was
late and they only just caught the Turin train at the Gare de Lyons; and by the
afternoon of the next day when they got into Italy, England, Frederick,
Mellersh, the vicar, the poor, Hampstead, the club, Shoolbred, everybody and
everything, the whole inflamed sore dreariness, had faded to the dimness of a
dream. |
It was cloudy in Italy, which surprised them. They had expected brilliant
sunshine. But never mind: it was Italy, and the very clouds looked fat. Neither
of them had ever been there before. Both gazed out of the windows with rapt
faces. The hours flew as long as it was daylight, and after that there was the
excitement of getting nearer, getting quite near, getting there. At Genoa it
had begun to rain—Genoa! Imagine actually being at Genoa, seeing its name
written up in the station just like any other name—at Nervi it was pouring, and
when at last towards midnight, for again the train was late, they got to
Mezzago, the rain was coming down in what seemed solid sheets. But it was
Italy. Nothing it did could be bad. The very rain was different—straight rain,
falling properly on to one’s umbrella; not that violently blowing English stuff
that got in everywhere. And it did leave off; and when it did, behold the earth
would be strewn with roses. Mr. Briggs, San Salvatore’s owner, had said, “You get out at Mezzago, and then
you drive.” But he had forgotten what he amply knew, that trains in Italy are
sometimes late, and he had imagined his tenants arriving at Mezzago at eight
o’clock and finding a string of flys to choose from. The train was four hours late, and when Mrs. Arbuthnot and Mrs. Wilkins
scrambled down the ladder-like high steps of their carriage into the black
downpour, their skirts sweeping off great pools of sooty wet because their
hands were full of suit-cases, if it had not been for the vigilance of
Domenico, the gardener at San Salvatore, they would have found nothing for them
to drive in. All ordinary flys had long since gone home. Domenico, foreseeing
this, had sent his aunt’s fly, driven by her son his cousin; and his aunt and
her fly lived in Castagneto, the village crouching at the feet of San
Salvatore, and therefore, however late the train was, the fly would not dare
come home without containing that which it had been sent to fetch. Domenico’s cousin’s name was Beppo, and he presently emerged out of the dark
where Mrs. Arbuthnot and Mrs. Wilkins stood, uncertain what to do next after
the train had gone on, for they could see no porter and they thought from the
feel of it that they were standing not so much on a platform as in the middle
of the permanent way. Beppo, who had been searching for them, emerged from the dark with a kind of
pounce and talked Italian to them vociferously. Beppo was a most respectable
young man, but he did not look as if he were, especially not in the dark, and
he had a dripping hat slouched over one eye. They did not like the way he
seized their suit-cases. He could not be, they thought, a porter. However, they
presently from out of his streaming talk discerned the words San Salvatore, and
after that they kept on saying them to him, for it was the only Italian they
knew, as they hurried after him, unwilling to lose sight of their suit-cases,
stumbling across rails and through puddles out to where in the road a small,
high fly stood. Its hood was up, and its horse was in an attitude of thought. They climbed in,
and the minute they were in—Mrs. Wilkins, indeed, could hardly be called in—the
horse awoke with a start from its reverie and immediately began going home
rapidly; without Beppo; without the suit-cases. Beppo darted after him, making the night ring with his shouts, and caught the
hanging reins just in time. He explained proudly, and as it seemed to him with
perfect clearness, that the horse always did that, being a fine animal full of
corn and blood, and cared for by him, Beppo, as if he were his own son, and the
ladies must not be alarmed—he had noticed they were clutching each other; but
clear, and loud, and profuse of words though he was, they only looked at him
blankly. He went on talking, however, while he piled the suit-cases up round them, sure
that sooner or later they must understand him, especially as he was careful to
talk very loud and illustrate everything he said with the simplest elucidatory
gestures, but they both continued only to look at him. They both, he noticed
sympathetically, had white faces, fatigued faces, and they both had big eyes,
fatigued eyes. They were beautiful ladies, he thought, and their eyes, looking
at him over the tops of the suit-cases watching his every movement—there were
no trunks, only numbers of suit-cases—were like the eyes of the Mother of God.
The only thing the ladies said, and they repeated it at regular intervals, even
after they had started, gently prodding him as he sat on his box to call his
attention to it, was, “San Salvatore?” And each time he answered vociferously, encouragingly, “Sì, sì—San
Salvatore.” “We don’t know of course if he’s taking us there,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot
at last in a low voice, after they had been driving as it seemed to them a long
while, and had got off the paving-stones of the sleep-shrouded town and were
out on a winding road with what they could just see was a low wall on their
left beyond which was a great black emptiness and the sound of the sea. On
their right was something close and steep and high and black—rocks, they
whispered to each other; huge rocks. “No—we don’t know,” agreed Mrs. Wilkins, a slight coldness passing down
her spine. They felt very uncomfortable. It was so late. It was so dark. The road was so
lonely. Suppose a wheel came off. Suppose they met Fascisti, or the opposite of
Fascisti. How sorry they were now that they had not slept at Genoa and come on
the next morning in daylight. “But that would have been the first of April,” said Mrs. Wilkins, in a low
voice. “It is that now,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot beneath her breath. “So it is,” murmured Mrs. Wilkins. They were silent. Beppo turned round on his box—a disquieting habit already noticed, for surely
his horse ought to be carefully watched—and again addressed them with what he
was convinced was lucidity—no patois, and the clearest explanatory
movements. How much they wished their mothers had made them learn Italian when they were
little. If only now they could have said, “Please sit round the right way and
look after the horse.” They did not even know what horse was in Italian. It was
contemptible to be so ignorant. In their anxiety, for the road twisted round great jutting rocks, and on their
left was only the low wall to keep them out of the sea should anything happen,
they too began to gesticulate, waving their hands at Beppo, pointing ahead.
They wanted him to turn round again and face his horse, that was all. He
thought they wanted him to drive faster; and there followed a terrifying ten
minutes during which, as he supposed, he was gratifying them. He was proud of
his horse, and it could go very fast. He rose in his seat, the whip cracked,
the horse rushed forward, the rocks leaped towards them, the little fly swayed,
the suit-cases heaved, Mrs. Arbuthnot and Mrs. Wilkins clung. In this way they
continued, swaying, heaving, clattering, clinging, till at a point near
Castagneto there was a rise in the road, and on reaching the foot of the rise
the horse, who knew every inch of the way, stopped suddenly, throwing
everything in the fly into a heap, and then proceeded up at the slowest of
walks. Beppo twisted himself round to receive their admiration, laughing with pride in
his horse. There was no answering laugh from the beautiful ladies. Their eyes, fixed on
him, seemed bigger than ever, and their faces against the black of the night
showed milky. But here at least, once they were up the slope, were houses. The rocks left
off, and there were houses; the low wall left off, and there were houses; the
sea shrunk away, and the sound of it ceased, and the loneliness of the road was
finished. No lights anywhere, of course, nobody to see them pass; and yet
Beppo, when the houses began, after looking over his shoulder and shouting
“Castagneto” at the ladies, once more stood up and cracked his whip and once
more made his horse dash forward. “We shall be there in a minute,” Mrs. Arbuthnot said to herself, holding on. “We shall soon stop now,” Mrs. Wilkins said to herself, holding on. They said
nothing aloud, because nothing would have been heard above the whip-cracking
and the wheel-clattering and the boisterous inciting noises Beppo was making at
his horse. Anxiously they strained their eyes for any sight of the beginning of San
Salvatore. They had supposed and hoped that after a reasonable amount of village a
mediaeval archway would loom upon them, and through it they would drive into a
garden and draw up at an open, welcoming door, with light streaming from it and
those servants standing in it who, according to the advertisement, remained. Instead the fly suddenly stopped. Peering out they could see they were still in the village street, with small
dark houses each side; and Beppo, throwing the reins over the horse’s back as
if completely confident this time that he would not go any farther, got down
off his box. At the same moment, springing as it seemed out of nothing, a man
and several half-grown boys appeared on each side of the fly and began dragging
out the suit-cases. “No, no—San Salvatore, San Salvatore”—exclaimed Mrs. Wilkins, trying to hold on
to what suit-cases she could. “Sì, sì—San Salvatore,” they all shouted, pulling. “This can’t be San Salvatore,” said Mrs. Wilkins, turning to Mrs.
Arbuthnot, who sat quite still watching her suit-cases being taken from her
with the same patience she applied to lesser evils. She knew she could do
nothing if these men were wicked men determined to have her suit-cases. “I don’t think it can be,” she admitted, and could not refrain from a moment’s
wonder at the ways of God. Had she really been brought here, she and poor Mrs.
Wilkins, after so much trouble in arranging it, so much difficulty and worry,
along such devious paths of prevarication and deceit, only to be— She checked her thoughts, and gently said to Mrs. Wilkins, while the ragged
youths disappeared with the suit-cases into the night and the man with the
lantern helped Beppo pull the rug off her, that they were both in God’s hands;
and for the first time on hearing this, Mrs. Wilkins was afraid. There was nothing for it but to get out. Useless to try to go on sitting in the
fly repeating San Salvatore. Every time they said it, and their voices each
time were fainter, Beppo and the other man merely echoed it in a series of loud
shouts. If only they had learned Italian when they were little. If only they
could have said, “We wish to be driven to the door.” But they did not even know
what door was in Italian. Such ignorance was not only contemptible, it was,
they now saw, definitely dangerous. Useless, however, to lament it now. Useless
to put off whatever it was that was going to happen to them by trying to go on
sitting in the fly. They therefore got out. The two men opened their umbrellas for them and handed them to them. From this
they received a faint encouragement, because they could not believe that if
these men were wicked they would pause to open umbrellas. The man with the
lantern then made signs to them to follow him, talking loud and quickly, and
Beppo, they noticed, remained behind. Ought they to pay him? Not, they thought,
if they were going to be robbed and perhaps murdered. Surely on such an
occasion one did not pay. Besides, he had not after all brought them to San
Salvatore. Where they had got to was evidently somewhere else. Also, he did not
show the least wish to be paid; he let them go away into the night with no
clamour at all. This, they could not help thinking, was a bad sign. He asked
for nothing because presently he was to get so much. They came to some steps. The road ended abruptly in a church and some
descending steps. The man held the lantern low for them to see the steps. “San Salvatore?” said Mrs. Wilkins once again, very faintly, before committing
herself to the steps. It was useless to mention it now, of course, but she
could not go down steps in complete silence. No mediaeval castle, she was sure,
was ever built at the bottom of steps. Again, however, came the echoing shout—“Sì, sì—San Salvatore.” They descended gingerly, holding up their skirts just as if they would be
wanting them another time and had not in all probability finished with skirts
for ever. The steps ended in a steeply sloping path with flat stone slabs down the
middle. They slipped a good deal on these wet slabs, and the man with the
lantern, talking loud and quickly, held them up. His way of holding them up was
polite. “Perhaps,” said Mrs. Wilkins in a low voice to Mrs. Arbuthnot, “It is all right
after all.” “We’re in God’s hands,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot again; and again Mrs. Wilkins was
afraid. They reached the bottom of the sloping path, and the light of the lantern
flickered over an open space with houses round three sides. The sea was the
fourth side, lazily washing backwards and forwards on pebbles. “San Salvatore,” said the man pointing with his lantern to a black mass curved
round the water like an arm flung about it. They strained their eyes. They saw the black mass, and on the top of it a
light. “San Salvatore?” they both repeated incredulously, for where were the
suit-cases, and why had they been forced to get out of the fly? “Sì, sì—San Salvatore.” They went along what seemed to be a quay, right on the edge of the water. There
was not even a low wall here—nothing to prevent the man with the lantern
tipping them in if he wanted to. He did not, however, tip them in. Perhaps it
was all right after all, Mrs. Wilkins again suggested to Mrs. Arbuthnot on
noticing this, who this time was herself beginning to think that it might be,
and said no more about God’s hands. The flicker of the lantern danced along, reflected in the wet pavement of the
quay. Out to the left, in the darkness and evidently at the end of a jetty, was
a red light. They came to an archway with a heavy iron gate. The man with the
lantern pushed the gate open. This time they went up steps instead of down, and
at the top of them was a little path that wound upwards among flowers. They
could not see the flowers, but the whole place was evidently full of them. It here dawned on Mrs. Wilkins that perhaps the reason why the fly had not
driven them up to the door was that there was no road, only a footpath. That
also would explain the disappearance of the suit-cases. She began to feel
confident that they would find their suit-cases waiting for them when they got
up to the top. San Salvatore was, it seemed, on the top of a hill, as a
mediaeval castle should be. At a turn of the path they saw above them, much
nearer now and shining more brightly, the light they had seen from the quay.
She told Mrs. Arbuthnot of her dawning belief, and Mrs. Arbuthnot agreed that
it was very likely a true one. Once more, but this time in a tone of real hopefulness, Mrs. Wilkins said,
pointing upwards at the black outline against the only slightly less black sky,
“San Salvatore?” And once more, but this time comfortingly, encouragingly, came
back the assurance, “Sì, sì—San Salvatore.” They crossed a little bridge, over what was apparently a ravine, and then came
a flat bit with long grass at the sides and more flowers. They felt the grass
flicking wet against their stockings, and the invisible flowers were
everywhere. Then up again through trees, along a zigzag path with the smell all
the way of the flowers they could not see. The warm rain was bringing out all
the sweetness. Higher and higher they went in this sweet darkness, and the red
light on the jetty dropped farther and farther below them. The path wound round to the other side of what appeared to be a little
peninsula; the jetty and the red light disappeared; across the emptiness on
their left were distant lights. “Mezzago,” said the man, waving his lantern at the lights. “Sì, sì,” they answered, for they had by now learned “sì, sì”. Upon which
the man congratulated them in a great flow of polite words, not one of which
they understood, on their magnificent Italian; for this was Domenico, the
vigilant and accomplished gardener of San Salvatore, the prop and stay of the
establishment, the resourceful, the gifted, the eloquent, the courteous, the
intelligent Domenico. Only they did not know that yet; and he did in the dark,
and even sometimes in the light, look, with his knife-sharp swarthy features
and swift, panther movements, very like somebody wicked. They passed along another flat bit of path, with a black shape like a high wall
towering above them on their right, and then the path went up again under
trellises, and trailing sprays of scented things caught at them and shook
raindrops on them, and the light of the lantern flickered over lilies, and then
came a flight of ancient steps worn with centuries, and then another iron gate,
and then they were inside, though still climbing a twisting flight of stone
steps with old walls on either side like the walls of dungeons, and with a
vaulted roof. At the top was a wrought-iron door, and through it shone a flood of electric
light. “Ecco,” said Domenico, lithely running up the last few steps ahead and
pushing the door open. And there they were, arrived; and it was San Salvatore; and their suit-cases
were waiting for them; and they had not been murdered. They looked at each other’s white faces and blinking eyes very solemnly. It was a great, a wonderful moment. Here they were, in their mediaeval castle
at last. Their feet touched its stones. Mrs. Wilkins put her arm round Mrs. Arbuthnot’s neck and kissed her. “The first thing to happen in this house,” she said softly, solemnly, “shall be
a kiss.” “Dear Lotty,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Dear Rose,” said Mrs. Wilkins, her eyes brimming with gladness. Domenico was delighted. He liked to see beautiful ladies kiss. He made them a
most appreciative speech of welcome, and they stood arm in arm, holding each
other up, for they were very tired, blinking smilingly at him, and not
understanding a word. |
When Mrs. Wilkins woke next morning she lay in bed a few minutes before getting
up and opening the shutters. What would she see out of her window? A shining
world, or a world of rain? But it would be beautiful; whatever it was would be
beautiful. She was in a little bedroom with bare white walls and a stone floor and sparse
old furniture. The beds—there were two—were made of iron, enamelled black and
painted with bunches of gay flowers. She lay putting off the great moment of
going to the window as one puts off opening a precious letter, gloating over
it. She had no idea what time it was; she had forgotten to wind up her watch
ever since, centuries ago, she last went to bed in Hampstead. No sounds were to
be heard in the house, so she supposed it was very early, yet she felt as if
she had slept a long while—so completely rested, so perfectly content. She lay
with her arms clasped round her head thinking how happy she was, her lips
curved upwards in a delighted smile. In bed by herself: adorable condition. She
had not been in a bed without Mellersh once now for five whole years; and the
cool roominess of it, the freedom of one’s movements, the sense of
recklessness, of audacity, in giving the blankets a pull if one wanted to, or
twitching the pillows more comfortably! It was like the discovery of an
entirely new joy. Mrs. Wilkins longed to get up and open the shutters, but where she was was
really so very delicious. She gave a sigh of contentment, and went on lying
there looking round her, taking in everything in her room, her own little room,
her very own to arrange just as she pleased for this one blessed month, her
room bought with her own savings, the fruit of her careful denials, whose door
she could bolt if she wanted to, and nobody had the right to come in. It was
such a strange little room, so different from any she had known, and so sweet.
It was like a cell. Except for the two beds, it suggested a happy austerity.
“And the name of the chamber,” she thought, quoting and smiling round at it,
“was Peace.” Well, this was delicious, to lie there thinking how happy she was, but outside
those shutters it was more delicious still. She jumped up, pulled on her
slippers, for there was nothing on the stone floor but one small rug, ran to
the window and threw open the shutters. “Oh!” cried Mrs. Wilkins. All the radiance of April in Italy lay gathered together at her feet. The sun
poured in on her. The sea lay asleep in it, hardly stirring. Across the bay the
lovely mountains, exquisitely different in colour, were asleep too in the
light; and underneath her window, at the bottom of the flower-starred grass
slope from which the wall of the castle rose up, was a great cypress, cutting
through the delicate blues and violets and rose-colours of the mountains and
the sea like a great black sword. She stared. Such beauty; and she there to see it. Such beauty; and she alive to
feel it. Her face was bathed in light. Lovely scents came up to the window and
caressed her. A tiny breeze gently lifted her hair. Far out in the bay a
cluster of almost motionless fishing boats hovered like a flock of white birds
on the tranquil sea. How beautiful, how beautiful. Not to have died before this
. . . to have been allowed to see, breathe, feel this. . . . She stared, her
lips parted. Happy? Poor, ordinary, everyday word. But what could one say, how
could one describe it? It was as though she could hardly stay inside herself,
it was as though she were too small to hold so much of joy, it was as though
she were washed through with light. And how astonishing to feel this sheer
bliss, for here she was, not doing and not going to do a single unselfish
thing, not going to do a thing she didn’t want to do. According to everybody
she had ever come across she ought at least to have twinges. She had not one
twinge. Something was wrong somewhere. Wonderful that at home she should have
been so good, so terribly good, and merely felt tormented. Twinges of every
sort had there been her portion; aches, hurts, discouragements, and she the
whole time being steadily unselfish. Now she had taken off all her goodness and
left it behind her like a heap of rain-sodden clothes, and she only felt joy.
She was naked of goodness, and was rejoicing in being naked. She was stripped,
and exulting. And there, away in the dim mugginess of Hampstead, was Mellersh
being angry. She tried to visualise Mellersh, she tried to see him having breakfast and
thinking bitter things about her; and lo, Mellersh himself began to shimmer,
became rose-colour, became delicate violet, became an enchanting blue, became
formless, became iridescent. Actually Mellersh, after quivering a minute, was
lost in light. “Well,” thought Mrs. Wilkins, staring, as it were, after him. How
extraordinary not to be able to visualise Mellersh; and she who used to know
every feature, every expression of his by heart. She simply could not see him
as he was. She could only see him resolved into beauty, melted into harmony
with everything else. The familiar words of the General Thanksgiving came quite
naturally into her mind, and she found herself blessing God for her creation,
preservation, and all the blessings of this life, but above all for His
inestimable Love; out loud; in a burst of acknowledgment. While Mellersh, at
that moment angrily pulling on his boots before going out into the dripping
streets, was indeed thinking bitter things about her. She began to dress, choosing clean white clothes in honour of the summer’s day,
unpacking her suit-cases, tidying her adorable little room. She moved about
with quick, purposeful steps, her long thin body held up straight, her small
face, so much puckered at home with effort and fear, smoothed out. All she had
been and done before this morning, all she had felt and worried about, was
gone. Each of her worries behaved as the image of Mellersh had behaved, and
dissolved into colour and light. And she noticed things she had not noticed for
years—when she was doing her hair in front of the glass she noticed it, and
thought, “Why, what pretty stuff.” For years she had forgotten she had such a
thing as hair, plaiting it in the evening and unplaiting it in the morning with
the same hurry and indifference with which she laced and unlaced her shoes. Now
she suddenly saw it, and she twisted it round her fingers before the glass, and
was glad it was so pretty. Mellersh couldn’t have seen it either, for he had
never said a word about it. Well, when she got home she would draw his
attention to it. “Mellersh,” she would say, “look at my hair. Aren’t you
pleased you’ve got a wife with hair like curly honey?” She laughed. She had never said anything like that to Mellersh yet, and the
idea of it amused her. But why had she not? Oh yes—she used to be afraid of
him. Funny to be afraid of anybody; and especially of one’s husband, whom one
saw in his more simplified moments, such as asleep, and not breathing properly
through his nose. When she was ready she opened her door to go across to see if Rose, who had
been put the night before by a sleepy maidservant into a cell opposite, were
awake. She would say good-morning to her, and then she would run down and stay
with that cypress tree till breakfast was ready, and after breakfast she
wouldn’t so much as look out of a window till she had helped Rose get
everything ready for Lady Caroline and Mrs. Fisher. There was much to be done
that day, settling in, arranging the rooms; she mustn’t leave Rose to do it
alone. They would make it all so lovely for the two to come, have such an
entrancing vision ready for them of little cells bright with flowers. She
remembered she had wanted Lady Caroline not to come; fancy wanting to shut some
one out of heaven because she thought she would be shy of her! And as though it
mattered if she were, and as though she would be anything so self-conscious as
shy. Besides, what a reason. She could not accuse herself of goodness over
that. And she remembered she had wanted not to have Mrs. Fisher either, because
she had seemed lofty. How funny of her. So funny to worry about such little
things, making them important. The bedrooms and two of the sitting-rooms at San Salvatore were on the top
floor, and opened into a roomy hall with a wide glass window at the north end.
San Salvatore was rich in small gardens in different parts and on different
levels. The garden this window looked down on was made on the highest part of
the walls, and could only be reached through the corresponding spacious hall on
the floor below. When Mrs. Wilkins came out of her room this window stood wide
open, and beyond it in the sun was a Judas tree in full flower. There was no
sign of anybody, no sound of voices or feet. Tubs of arum lilies stood about on
the stone floor, and on a table flamed a huge bunch of fierce nasturtiums.
Spacious, flowery, silent, with the wide window at the end opening into the
garden, and the Judas tree absurdly beautiful in the sunshine, it seemed to
Mrs. Wilkins, arrested on her way across to Mrs. Arbuthnot, too good to be
true. Was she really going to live in this for a whole month? Up to now she had
had to take what beauty she could as she went along, snatching at little bits
of it when she came across it—a patch of daisies on a fine day in a Hampstead
field, a flash of sunset between two chimney pots. She had never been in
definitely, completely beautiful places. She had never been even in a venerable
house; and such a thing as a profusion of flowers in her rooms was unattainable
to her. Sometimes in the spring she had bought six tulips at Shoolbred’s,
unable to resist them, conscious that Mellersh if he knew what they had cost
would think it inexcusable; but they had soon died, and then there were no
more. As for the Judas tree, she hadn’t an idea what it was, and gazed at it
out there against the sky with the rapt expression of one who sees a heavenly
vision. Mrs. Arbuthnot, coming out of her room, found her there like that, standing in
the middle of the hall staring. “Now what does she think she sees now?” thought Mrs. Arbuthnot. “We are in God’s hands,” said Mrs. Wilkins, turning to her, speaking
with extreme conviction. “Oh!” said Mrs. Arbuthnot quickly, her face, which had been covered with smiles
when she came out of her room, falling. “Why, what has happened?” For Mrs. Arbuthnot had woken up with such a delightful feeling of security, of
relief, and she did not want to find she had not after all escaped from the
need of refuge. She had not even dreamed of Frederick. For the first time for
years she had been spared the nightly dream that he was with her, that they
were heart to heart, and its miserable awakening. She had slept like a baby,
and had woken up confident; she had found there was nothing she wished to say
in her morning prayer except Thank you. It was disconcerting to be told she
was after all in God’s hands. “I hope nothing has happened?” she asked anxiously. Mrs. Wilkins looked at her a moment, and laughed. “How funny,” she said,
kissing her. “What is funny?” asked Mrs. Arbuthnot, her face clearing because Mrs. Wilkins
laughed. “We are. This is. Everything. It’s all so wonderful. It’s so funny and so
adorable that we should be in it. I daresay when we finally reach heaven—the
one they talk about so much—we shan’t find it a bit more beautiful.” Mrs. Arbuthnot relaxed to smiling security again. “Isn’t it divine?” she said. “Were you ever, ever in your life so happy?” asked Mrs. Wilkins, catching her
by the arm. “No,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. Nor had she been; not ever; not even in her first
love-days with Frederick. Because always pain had been close at hand in that
other happiness, ready to torture with doubts, to torture even with the very
excess of her love; while this was the simple happiness of complete harmony
with her surroundings, the happiness that asks for nothing, that just accepts,
just breathes, just is. “Let’s go and look at that tree close,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “I don’t believe it
can only be a tree.” And arm in arm they went along the hall, and their husbands would not have
known them their faces were so young with eagerness, and together they stood at
the open window, and when their eyes, having feasted on the marvellous pink
thing, wandered farther among the beauties of the garden, they saw sitting on
the low wall at the east edge of it, gazing out over the bay, her feet in
lilies, Lady Caroline. They were astonished. They said nothing in their astonishment, but stood quite
still, arm in arm, staring down at her. She too had on a white frock, and her head was bare. They had had no idea that
day in London, when her hat was down to her nose and her furs were up to her
ears, that she was so pretty. They had merely thought her different from the
other women in the club, and so had the other women themselves, and so had all
the waitresses, eyeing her sideways and eyeing her again as they passed the
corner where she sat talking; but they had had no idea she was so pretty. She
was exceedingly pretty. Everything about her was very much that which it was.
Her fair hair was very fair, her lovely grey eyes were very lovely and grey,
her dark eyelashes were very dark, her white skin was very white, her red mouth
was very red. She was extravagantly slender—the merest thread of a girl,
though not without little curves beneath her thin frock where little curves
should be. She was looking out across the bay, and was sharply defined against
the background of empty blue. She was full in the sun. Her feet dangled among
the leaves and flowers of the lilies just as if it did not matter that they
should be bent or bruised. “She ought to have a headache,” whispered Mrs. Arbuthnot at last, “sitting
there in the sun like that.” “She ought to have a hat,” whispered Mrs. Wilkins. “She’s treading on lilies.” “But they’re hers as much as ours.” “Only one-fourth of them.” Lady Caroline turned her head. She looked up at them a moment, surprised to see
them so much younger than they had seemed that day at the club, and so much
less unattractive. Indeed, they were really almost quite attractive, if any one
could ever be really quite attractive in the wrong clothes. Her eyes, swiftly
glancing over them, took in every inch of each of them in the half second
before she smiled and waved her hand and called out Good-morning. There was
nothing, she saw at once, to be hoped for in the way of interest from their
clothes. She did not consciously think this, for she was having a violent
reaction against beautiful clothes and the slavery they impose on one, her
experience being that the instant one had got them they took one in hand and
gave one no peace till they had been everywhere and been seen by everybody. You
didn’t take your clothes to parties; they took you. It was quite a mistake to
think that a woman, a really well-dressed woman, wore out her clothes; it was
the clothes that wore out the woman—dragging her about at all hours of the day
and night. No wonder men stayed young longer. Just new trousers couldn’t
excite them. She couldn’t suppose that even the newest trousers ever behaved
like that, taking the bit between their teeth. Her images were disorderly, but
she thought as she chose, she used what images she liked. As she got off the
wall and came towards the window, it seemed a restful thing to know she was
going to spend an entire month with people in dresses made as she dimly
remembered dresses used to be made five summers ago. “I got here yesterday morning,” she said, looking up at them and smiling. She
really was bewitching. She had everything, even a dimple. “It’s a great pity,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, smiling back, “because we were going
to choose the nicest room for you.” “Oh, but I’ve done that,” said Lady Caroline. “At least, I think it’s the
nicest. It looks two ways—I adore a room that looks two ways, don’t you? Over
the sea to the west, and over this Judas tree to the north.” “And we had meant to make it pretty for you with flowers,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “Oh, Domenico did that. I told him to directly I got here. He’s the gardener.
He’s wonderful.” “It’s a good thing, of course,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot a little hesitatingly, “to
be independent, and to know exactly what one wants.” “Yes, it saves trouble,” agreed Lady Caroline. “But one shouldn’t be so independent,” said Mrs. Wilkins, “as to leave no
opportunity for other people to exercise their benevolences on one.” Lady Caroline, who had been looking at Mrs. Arbuthnot, now looked at Mrs.
Wilkins. That day at that queer club she had had merely a blurred impression of
Mrs. Wilkins, for it was the other one who did all the talking, and her
impression had been of somebody so shy, so awkward that it was best to take no
notice of her. She had not even been able to say good-bye properly, doing it in
an agony, turning red, turning damp. Therefore she now looked at her in some
surprise; and she was still more surprised when Mrs. Wilkins added, gazing at
her with the most obvious sincere admiration, speaking indeed with a conviction
that refused to remain unuttered, “I didn’t realise you were so pretty.” She stared at Mrs. Wilkins. She was not usually told this quite so immediately
and roundly. Abundantly as she was used to it—impossible not to be after
twenty-eight solid years—it surprised her to be told it with such bluntness,
and by a woman. “It’s very kind of you to think so,” she said. “Why, you’re lovely,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “Quite, quite lovely.” “I hope,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot pleasantly, “you make the most of it.” Lady Caroline then stared at Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Oh yes,” she said. “I make the
most of it. I’ve been doing that ever since I can remember.” “Because,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, smiling and raising a warning forefinger, “it
won’t last.” Then Lady Caroline began to be afraid these two were originals. If so, she
would be bored. Nothing bored her so much as people who insisted on being
original, who came and buttonholed her and kept her waiting while they were
being original. And the one who admired her—it would be tiresome if she dogged
her about in order to look at her. What she wanted of this holiday was complete
escape from all she had had before, she wanted the rest of complete contrast.
Being admired, being dogged, wasn’t contrast, it was repetition; and as for
originals, to find herself shut up with two on the top of a precipitous hill in
a mediaeval castle built for the express purpose of preventing easy goings out
and in, would not, she was afraid, be especially restful. Perhaps she had
better be a little less encouraging. They had seemed such timid creatures, even
the dark one—she couldn’t remember their names—that day at the club, that she
had felt it quite safe to be very friendly. Here they had come out of their
shells; already; indeed, at once. There was no sign of timidity about either of
them here. If they had got out of their shells so immediately, at the very
first contact, unless she checked them they would soon begin to press upon her,
and then good-bye to her dream of thirty restful, silent days, lying unmolested
in the sun, getting her feathers smooth again, not being spoken to, not waited
on, not grabbed at and monopolised, but just recovering from the fatigue, the
deep and melancholy fatigue, of the too much. Besides, there was Mrs. Fisher. She too must be checked. Lady Caroline had
started two days earlier than had been arranged for two reasons: first, because
she wished to arrive before the others in order to pick out the room or rooms
she preferred, and second, because she judged it likely that otherwise she
would have to travel with Mrs. Fisher. She did not want to travel with Mrs.
Fisher. She did not want to arrive with Mrs. Fisher. She saw no reason whatever
why for a single moment she should have to have anything at all to do with Mrs.
Fisher. But unfortunately Mrs. Fisher also was filled with a desire to get to San
Salvatore first and pick out the room or rooms she preferred, and she and Lady
Caroline had after all travelled together. As early as Calais they began to
suspect it; in Paris they feared it; at Modane they knew it; at Mezzago they
concealed it, driving out to Castagneto in two separate flys, the nose of the
one almost touching the back of the other the whole way. But when the road
suddenly left off at the church and the steps, further evasion was impossible;
and faced by this abrupt and difficult finish to their journey there was
nothing for it but to amalgamate. Because of Mrs. Fisher’s stick Lady Caroline had to see about everything. Mrs.
Fisher’s intentions, she explained from her fly when the situation had become
plain to her, were active, but her stick prevented their being carried out. The
two drivers told Lady Caroline boys would have to carry the luggage up to the
castle, and she went in search of some, while Mrs. Fisher waited in the fly
because of her stick. Mrs. Fisher could speak Italian, but only, she explained,
the Italian of Dante, which Matthew Arnold used to read with her when she was a
girl, and she thought this might be above the heads of boys. Therefore Lady
Caroline, who spoke ordinary Italian very well, was obviously the one to go and
do things. “I am in your hands,” said Mrs. Fisher, sitting firmly in her fly. “You must
please regard me as merely an old woman with a stick.” And presently, down the steps and cobbles to the piazza, and along the quay,
and up the zigzag path, Lady Caroline found herself as much obliged to walk
slowly with Mrs. Fisher as if she were her own grandmother. “It’s my stick,” Mrs. Fisher complacently remarked at intervals. And when they rested at those bends of the zigzag path where seats were, and
Lady Caroline, who would have liked to run on and get to the top quickly, was
forced in common humanity to remain with Mrs. Fisher because of her stick, Mrs.
Fisher told her how she had been on a zigzag path once with Tennyson. “Isn’t his cricket wonderful?” said Lady Caroline absently. “The Tennyson,” said Mrs. Fisher, turning her head and observing her a
moment over her spectacles. “Isn’t he?” said Lady Caroline. “I am speaking,” said Mrs. Fisher, “of Alfred.” “Oh,” said Lady Caroline. “And it was a path, too,” Mrs. Fisher went on severely, “curiously like this.
No eucalyptus tree, of course, but otherwise curiously like this. And at one of
the bends he turned and said to me—I see him now turning and saying to me—” Yes, Mrs. Fisher would have to be checked. And so would these two up at the
window. She had better begin at once. She was sorry she had got off the wall.
All she need have done was to have waved her hand, and waited till they came
down and out into the garden to her. So she ignored Mrs. Arbuthnot’s remark and raised forefinger, and said with
marked coldness—at least, she tried to make it sound marked—that she supposed
they would be going to breakfast, and that she had had hers; but it was her
fate that however coldly she sent forth her words they came out sounding quite
warm and agreeable. That was because she had a sympathetic and delightful
voice, due entirely to some special formation of her throat and the roof of her
mouth, and having nothing whatever to do with what she was feeling. Nobody in
consequence ever believed they were being snubbed. It was most tiresome. And if
she stared icily it did not look icy at all, because her eyes, lovely to begin
with, had the added loveliness of very long, soft, dark eyelashes. No icy stare
could come out of eyes like that; it got caught and lost in the soft eyelashes,
and the persons stared at merely thought they were being regarded with a
flattering and exquisite attentiveness. And if ever she was out of humour or
definitely cross—and who would not be sometimes in such a world?—she only
looked so pathetic that people all rushed to comfort her, if possible by means
of kissing. It was more than tiresome, it was maddening. Nature was determined
that she should look and sound angelic. She could never be disagreeable or rude
without being completely misunderstood. “I had my breakfast in my room,” she said, trying her utmost to sound curt.
“Perhaps I’ll see you later.” And she nodded, and went back to where she had been sitting on the wall, with
the lilies being nice and cool round her feet. |
Their eyes followed her admiringly. They had no idea they had been snubbed. It
was a disappointment, of course, to find she had forestalled them and that they
were not to have the happiness of preparing for her, of watching her face when
she arrived and first saw everything, but there was still Mrs. Fisher. They
would concentrate on Mrs. Fisher, and would watch her face instead; only, like
everybody else, they would have preferred to watch Lady Caroline’s. Perhaps, then, as Lady Caroline had talked of breakfast, they had better begin
by going and having it, for there was too much to be done that day to spend any
more time gazing at the scenery—servants to be interviewed, the house to be
gone through and examined, and finally Mrs. Fisher’s room to be got ready and
adorned. They waved their hands gaily at Lady Caroline, who seemed absorbed in what she
saw and took no notice, and turning away found the maidservant of the night
before had come up silently behind them in cloth slippers with string soles. She was Francesca, the elderly parlour-maid, who had been with the owner, he
had said, for years, and whose presence made inventories unnecessary; and after
wishing them good-morning and hoping they had slept well, she told them
breakfast was ready in the dining-room on the floor below, and if they would
follow her she would lead. They did not understand a single word of the very many in which Francesca
succeeded in clothing this simple information, but they followed her, for it at
least was clear that they were to follow, and going down the stairs, and along
the broad hall like the one above except for glass doors at the end instead of
a window opening into the garden, they were shown into the dining-room; where,
sitting at the head of the table having her breakfast, was Mrs. Fisher. This time they exclaimed. Even Mrs. Arbuthnot exclaimed, though her exclamation
was only “Oh.” Mrs. Wilkins exclaimed at greater length. “Why, but it’s like having the bread
taken out of one’s mouth!” exclaimed Mrs. Wilkins. “How do you do,” said Mrs. Fisher. “I can’t get up because of my stick.” And
she stretched out her hand across the table. They advanced and shook it. “We had no idea you were here,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Yes,” said Mrs. Fisher, resuming her breakfast. “Yes. I am here.” And with
composure she removed the top of her egg. “It’s a great disappointment,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “We had meant to give you
such a welcome.” This was the one, Mrs. Fisher remembered, briefly glancing at her, who when she
came to Prince of Wales Terrace said she had seen Keats. She must be careful
with this one—curb her from the beginning. She therefore ignored Mrs. Wilkins and said gravely, with a downward face of
impenetrable calm bent on her egg, “Yes. I arrived yesterday with Lady
Caroline.” “It’s really dreadful,” said Mrs. Wilkins, exactly as if she had not been
ignored. “There’s nobody left to get anything ready for now. I feel thwarted. I
feel as if the bread had been taken out of my mouth just when I was going to be
happy swallowing it.” “Where will you sit?” asked Mrs. Fisher of Mrs. Arbuthnot—markedly of Mrs.
Arbuthnot; the comparison with the bread seemed to her most unpleasant. “Oh, thank you—” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, sitting down rather suddenly next to her. There were only two places she could sit down in, the places laid on either
side of Mrs. Fisher. She therefore sat down in one, and Mrs. Wilkins sat down
opposite her in the other. Mrs. Fisher was at the head of the table. Round her was grouped the coffee and
the tea. Of course they were all sharing San Salvatore equally, but it was she
herself and Lotty, Mrs. Arbuthnot mildly reflected, who had found it, who had
had the work of getting it, who had chosen to admit Mrs. Fisher into it.
Without them, she could not help thinking, Mrs. Fisher would not have been
there. Morally Mrs. Fisher was a guest. There was no hostess in this party, but
supposing there had been a hostess it would not have been Mrs. Fisher, nor Lady
Caroline, it would have been either herself or Lotty. Mrs. Arbuthnot could not
help feeling this as she sat down, and Mrs. Fisher, the hand which Ruskin had
wrung suspended over the pots before her, inquired, “Tea or coffee?” She could
not help feeling it even more definitely when Mrs. Fisher touched a small gong
on the table beside her as though she had been used to that gong and that table
ever since she was little, and, on Francesca’s appearing, bade her in the
language of Dante bring more milk. There was a curious air about Mrs. Fisher,
thought Mrs. Arbuthnot, of being in possession; and if she herself had not been
so happy she would have perhaps minded. Mrs. Wilkins noticed it too, but it only made her discursive brain think of
cuckoos. She would no doubt immediately have begun to talk of cuckoos,
incoherently, unrestrainably and deplorably, if she had been in the condition
of nerves and shyness she was in last time she saw Mrs. Fisher. But happiness
had done away with shyness—she was very serene; she could control her
conversation; she did not have, horrified, to listen to herself saying things
she had no idea of saying when she began; she was quite at her ease, and
completely natural. The disappointment of not going to be able to prepare a
welcome for Mrs. Fisher had evaporated at once, for it was impossible to go on
being disappointed in heaven. Nor did she mind her behaving as hostess. What
did it matter? You did not mind things in heaven. She and Mrs. Arbuthnot,
therefore, sat down more willingly than they otherwise would have done, one on
either side of Mrs. Fisher, and the sun, pouring through the two windows facing
east across the bay, flooded the room, and there was an open door leading into
the garden, and the garden was full of many lovely things, especially freesias. The delicate and delicious fragrance of the freesias came in through the door
and floated round Mrs. Wilkins’s enraptured nostrils. Freesias in London were
quite beyond her. Occasionally she went into a shop and asked what they cost,
so as just to have an excuse for lifting up a bunch and smelling them, well
knowing that it was something awful like a shilling for about three flowers.
Here they were everywhere—bursting out of every corner and carpeting the rose
beds. Imagine it—having freesias to pick in armsful if you wanted to, and with
glorious sunshine flooding the room, and in your summer frock, and its being
only the first of April! “I suppose you realise, don’t you, that we’ve got to heaven?” she said, beaming
at Mrs. Fisher with all the familiarity of a fellow-angel. “They are considerably younger than I had supposed,” thought Mrs. Fisher, “and
not nearly so plain.” And she mused a moment, while she took no notice of Mrs.
Wilkins’s exuberance, on their instant and agitated refusal that day at Prince
of Wales Terrace to have anything to do with the giving or the taking of
references. Nothing could affect her, of course; nothing that anybody did. She was far too
solidly seated in respectability. At her back stood massively in a tremendous
row those three great names she had offered, and they were not the only ones
she could turn to for support and countenance. Even if these young women—she
had no grounds for believing the one out in the garden to be really Lady
Caroline Dester, she had merely been told she was—even if these young women
should all turn out to be what Browning used to call—how well she remembered
his amusing and delightful way of putting things—Fly-by-Nights, what could it
possibly, or in any way matter to her? Let them fly by night if they wished.
One was not sixty-five for nothing. In any case there would only be four weeks
of it, at the end of which she would see no more of them. And in the meanwhile
there were plenty of places where she could sit quietly away from them and
remember. Also there was her own sitting-room, a charming room, all
honey-coloured furniture and pictures, with windows to the sea towards Genoa,
and a door opening on to the battlements. The house possessed two
sitting-rooms, and she had explained to that pretty creature Lady
Caroline—certainly a pretty creature, whatever else she was; Tennyson would
have enjoyed taking her for blows on the downs—who had seemed inclined to
appropriate the honey-coloured one, that she needed some little refuge entirely
to herself because of her stick. “Nobody wants to see an old woman hobbling about everywhere,” she had said. “I
shall be quite content to spend much of my time by myself in here or sitting
out on these convenient battlements.” And she had a very nice bedroom, too; it looked two ways, across the bay to the
morning sun—she liked the morning sun—and onto the garden. There were only two
of these bedrooms with cross-views in the house, she and Lady Caroline had
discovered, and they were by far the airiest. They each had two beds in them,
and she and Lady Caroline had had the extra beds taken out at once and put into
two of the other rooms. In this way there was much more space and comfort. Lady
Caroline, indeed, had turned hers into a bed-sitting-room, with the sofa out of
the bigger drawing-room and the writing-table and the most comfortable chair,
but she herself had not had to do that because she had her own sitting-room,
equipped with what was necessary. Lady Caroline had thought at first of taking
the bigger sitting-room entirely for her own, because the dining-room on the
floor below could quite well be used between meals to sit in by the two others,
and was a very pleasant room with nice chairs, but she had not liked the bigger
sitting-room’s shape—it was a round room in the tower, with deep slit windows
pierced through the massive walls, and a domed and ribbed ceiling arranged to
look like an open umbrella, and it seemed a little dark. Undoubtedly Lady
Caroline had cast covetous glances at the honey-coloured room, and if she, Mrs.
Fisher, had been less firm would have installed herself in it. Which would have
been absurd. “I hope,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, smilingly making an attempt to convey to Mrs.
Fisher that though she, Mrs. Fisher, might not be exactly a guest she certainly
was not in the very least a hostess, “your room is comfortable.” “Quite,” said Mrs. Fisher. “Will you have some more coffee?” “No, thank you. Will you?” “No, thank you. There were two beds in my bedroom, filling it up unnecessarily,
and I had one taken out. It has made it much more convenient.” “Oh that’s why I’ve got two beds in my room!” exclaimed Mrs. Wilkins,
illuminated; the second bed in her little cell had seemed an unnatural and
inappropriate object from the moment she saw it. “I gave no directions,” said Mrs. Fisher, addressing Mrs. Arbuthnot, “I merely
asked Francesca to remove it.” “I have two in my room as well,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Your second one must be Lady Caroline’s. She had hers removed too,” said Mrs.
Fisher. “It seems foolish to have more beds in a room than there are
occupiers.” “But we haven’t got any husbands here either,” said Mrs. Wilkins, “and I don’t see
any use in extra beds in one’s room if one hasn’t got husbands to put in them.
Can’t we have them taken away too?” “Beds,” said Mrs. Fisher coldly, “cannot be removed from one room after
another. They must remain somewhere.” Mrs. Wilkins’s remarks seemed to Mrs. Fisher persistently unfortunate. Each
time she opened her mouth she said something best left unsaid. Loose talk about
husbands had never in Mrs. Fisher’s circle been encouraged. In the ’eighties,
when she chiefly flourished, husbands were taken seriously, as the only real
obstacles to sin. Beds too, if they had to be mentioned, were approached with
caution; and a decent reserve prevented them and husbands ever being spoken of
in the same breath. She turned more markedly than ever to Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Do let me give you a
little more coffee,” she said. “No, thank you. But won’t you have some more?” “No indeed. I never have more than two cups at breakfast. Would you like an
orange?” “No, thank you. Would you?” “No, I don’t eat fruit at breakfast. It is an American fashion which I am too
old now to adopt. Have you had all you want?” “Quite. Have you?” Mrs. Fisher paused before replying. Was this a habit, this trick of answering a
simple question with the same question? If so it must be curbed, for no one
could live for four weeks in any real comfort with somebody who had a habit. She glanced at Mrs. Arbuthnot, and her parted hair and gentle brow reassured
her. No; it was accident, not habit, that had produced those echoes. She could
as soon imagine a dove having tiresome habits as Mrs. Arbuthnot. Considering
her, she thought what a splendid wife she would have been for poor Carlyle. So
much better than that horrid clever Jane. She would have soothed him. “Then shall we go?” she suggested. “Let me help you up,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, all consideration. “Oh, thank you—I can manage perfectly. It’s only sometimes that my stick
prevents me—” Mrs. Fisher got up quite easily; Mrs. Arbuthnot had hovered over her for
nothing. “I’m going to have one of these gorgeous oranges,” said Mrs. Wilkins,
staying where she was and reaching across to a black bowl piled with them.
“Rose, how can you resist them. Look—have this one. Do have this beauty—” And
she held out a big one. “No, I’m going to see to my duties,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, moving towards the
door. “You’ll forgive me for leaving you, won’t you,” she added politely to
Mrs. Fisher. Mrs. Fisher moved towards the door too; quite easily; almost quickly; her stick
did not hinder her at all. She had no intention of being left with Mrs.
Wilkins. “What time would you like to have lunch?” Mrs. Arbuthnot asked her, trying to
keep her head as at least a non-guest, if not precisely a hostess, above water. “Lunch,” said Mrs. Fisher, “is at half-past twelve.” “You shall have it at half-past twelve then,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. “I’ll tell
the cook. It will be a great struggle,” she continued, smiling, “but I’ve
brought a little dictionary—” “The cook,” said Mrs. Fisher, “knows.” “Oh?” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Lady Caroline has already told her,” said Mrs. Fisher. “Oh?” said Mrs. Arbuthnot again. “Yes. Lady Caroline speaks the kind of Italian cooks understand. I am prevented
going into the kitchen because of my stick. And even if I were able to go, I
fear I shouldn’t be understood.” “But—” began Mrs. Arbuthnot. “But it’s too wonderful,” Mrs. Wilkins finished for her from the table,
delighted with these unexpected simplifications in her and Rose’s lives. “Why,
we’ve got positively nothing to do here, either of us, except just be happy.
You wouldn’t believe,” she said, turning her head and speaking straight to Mrs.
Fisher, portions of orange in either hand, “how terribly good Rose and I have
been for years without stopping, and how much now we need a perfect rest.” And Mrs. Fisher, going without answering her out of the room, said to herself,
“She must, she shall be curbed.” |
Presently, when Mrs. Wilkins and Mrs. Arbuthnot, unhampered by any duties,
wandered out and down the worn stone steps and under the pergola into the lower
garden, Mrs. Wilkins said to Mrs. Arbuthnot, who seemed pensive, “Don’t you see
that if somebody else does the ordering it frees us?” Mrs. Arbuthnot said she did see, but nevertheless she thought it rather silly
to have everything taken out of their hands. “I love things to be taken out of my hands,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “But we found San Salvatore,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, “and it is rather silly that
Mrs. Fisher should behave as if it belonged only to her.” “What is rather silly,” said Mrs. Wilkins with much serenity, “is to mind. I
can’t see the least point in being in authority at the price of one’s liberty.” Mrs. Arbuthnot said nothing to that for two reasons—first, because she was
struck by the remarkable and growing calm of the hitherto incoherent and
excited Lotty, and secondly because what she was looking at was so very
beautiful. All down the stone steps on either side were periwinkles in full flower, and
she could now see what it was that had caught at her the night before and
brushed, wet and scented, across her face. It was wistaria. Wistaria and
sunshine . . . she remembered the advertisement. Here indeed were both in
profusion. The wistaria was tumbling over itself in its excess of life, its
prodigality of flowering; and where the pergola ended the sun blazed on scarlet
geraniums, bushes of them, and nasturtiums in great heaps, and marigolds so
brilliant that they seemed to be burning, and red and pink snapdragons, all
outdoing each other in bright, fierce colour. The ground behind these flaming
things dropped away in terraces to the sea, each terrace a little orchard,
where among the olives grew vines on trellises, and fig-trees, and peach-trees,
and cherry-trees. The cherry-trees and peach-trees were in blossom—lovely
showers of white and deep rose-colour among the trembling delicacy of the
olives; the fig-leaves were just big enough to smell of figs, the vine-buds
were only beginning to show. And beneath these trees were groups of blue and
purple irises, and bushes of lavender, and grey, sharp cactuses, and the grass
was thick with dandelions and daisies, and right down at the bottom was the
sea. Colour seemed flung down anyhow, anywhere; every sort of colour, piled up
in heaps, pouring along in rivers—the periwinkles looked exactly as if they
were being poured down each side of the steps—and flowers that grow only in
borders in England, proud flowers keeping themselves to themselves over there,
such as the great blue irises and the lavender, were being jostled by small,
shining common things like dandelions and daisies and the white bells of the
wild onion, and only seemed the better and the more exuberant for it. They stood looking at this crowd of loveliness, this happy jumble, in silence.
No, it didn’t matter what Mrs. Fisher did; not here; not in such beauty. Mrs.
Arbuthnot’s discomposure melted out of her. In the warmth and light of what she
was looking at, of what to her was a manifestation, an entirely new side of
God, how could one be discomposed? If only Frederick were with her, seeing it
too, seeing as he would have seen it when first they were lovers, in the days
when he saw what she saw and loved what she loved. . . She sighed. “You mustn’t sigh in heaven,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “One doesn’t.” “I was thinking how one longs to share this with those one loves,” said Mrs.
Arbuthnot. “You mustn’t long in heaven,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “You’re supposed to be quite
complete there. And it is heaven, isn’t it, Rose? See how everything has been
let in together—the dandelions and the irises, the vulgar and the superior, me
and Mrs. Fisher—all welcome, all mixed up anyhow, and all so visibly happy and
enjoying ourselves.” “Mrs. Fisher doesn’t seem happy—not visibly, anyhow,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot,
smiling. “She’ll begin soon, you’ll see.” Mrs. Arbuthnot said she didn’t believe that after a certain age people began
anything. Mrs. Wilkins said she was sure no one, however old and tough, could resist the
effects of perfect beauty. Before many days, perhaps only hours, they would see
Mrs. Fisher bursting out into every kind of exuberance. “I’m quite sure,” said
Mrs. Wilkins, “that we’ve got to heaven, and once Mrs. Fisher realises that
that’s where she is, she’s bound to be different. You’ll see. She’ll leave off
being ossified, and go all soft and able to stretch, and we shall get
quite—why, I shouldn’t be surprised if we get quite fond of her.” The idea of Mrs. Fisher bursting out into anything, she who seemed so
particularly firmly fixed inside her buttons, made Mrs. Arbuthnot laugh. She
condoned Lotty’s loose way of talking of heaven, because in such a place, on
such a morning, condonation was in the very air. Besides, what an excuse there
was. And Lady Caroline, sitting where they had left her before breakfast on the
wall, peeped over when she heard laughter, and saw them standing on the path
below, and thought what a mercy it was they were laughing down there and had
not come up and done it round her. She disliked jokes at all times, but in the
morning she hated them; especially close up; especially crowding in her ears.
She hoped the originals were on their way out for a walk, and not on their way
back from one. They were laughing more and more. What could they possibly find
to laugh at? She looked down on the tops of their heads with a very serious face, for the
thought of spending a month with laughers was a grave one, and they, as though
they felt her eyes, turned suddenly and looked up. The dreadful geniality of those women. . . She shrank away from their smiles and wavings, but she could not shrink out of
sight without falling into the lilies. She neither smiled nor waved back, and
turning her eyes to the more distant mountains surveyed them carefully till the
two, tired of waving, moved away along the path and turned the corner and
disappeared. This time they both did notice that they had been met with, at least,
unresponsiveness. “If we weren’t in heaven,” said Mrs. Wilkins serenely, “I should say we had
been snubbed, but as nobody snubs anybody there of course we can’t have been.” “Perhaps she is unhappy,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Whatever it is she is she’ll get over it here,” said Mrs. Wilkins with
conviction. “We must try and help her,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Oh, but nobody helps anybody in heaven. That’s finished with. You don’t try to
be, or do. You simply are.” Well, Mrs. Arbuthnot wouldn’t go into that—not here, not to-day. The vicar, she
knew, would have called Lotty’s talk levity, if not profanity. How old he
seemed from here; an old, old vicar. They left the path, and clambered down the olive terraces, down and down, to
where at the bottom the warm, sleepy sea heaved gently among the rocks. There a
pine-tree grew close to the water, and they sat under it, and a few yards away
was a fishing-boat lying motionless and green-bellied on the water. The ripples
of the sea made little gurgling noises at their feet. They screwed up their
eyes to be able to look into the blaze of light beyond the shade of their tree.
The hot smell from the pine-needles and from the cushions of wild thyme that
padded the spaces between the rocks, and sometimes a smell of pure honey from a
clump of warm irises up behind them in the sun, puffed across their faces. Very
soon Mrs. Wilkins took her shoes and stockings off, and let her feet hang in
the water. After watching her a minute Mrs. Arbuthnot did the same. Their
happiness was then complete. Their husbands would not have known them. They
left off talking. They ceased to mention heaven. They were just cups of
acceptance. Meanwhile Lady Caroline, on her wall, was considering her position. The garden
on the top of the wall was a delicious garden, but its situation made it
insecure and exposed to interruptions. At any moment the others might come and
want to use it, because both the hall and the dining-room had doors opening
straight into it. Perhaps, thought Lady Caroline, she could arrange that it
should be solely hers. Mrs. Fisher had the battlements, delightful with
flowers, and a watch-tower all to herself, besides having snatched the one
really nice room in the house. There were plenty of places the originals could
go to—she had herself seen at least two other little gardens, while the hill
the castle stood on was itself a garden, with walks and seats. Why should not
this one spot be kept exclusively for her? She liked it; she liked it best of
all. It had the Judas tree and an umbrella pine, it had the freesias and the
lilies, it had a tamarisk beginning to flush pink, it had the convenient low
wall to sit on, it had from each of its three sides the most amazing views—to
the east the bay and mountains, to the north the village across the tranquil
clear green water of the little harbour and the hills dotted with white houses
and orange groves, and to the west was the thin thread of land by which San
Salvatore was tied to the mainland, and then the open sea and the coast line
beyond Genoa reaching away into the blue dimness of France. Yes, she would say
she wanted to have this entirely to herself. How obviously sensible if each of
them had their own special place to sit in apart. It was essential to her
comfort that she should be able to be apart, left alone, not talked to. The
others ought to like it best too. Why herd? One had enough of that in England,
with one’s relations and friends—oh, the numbers of them!—pressing on one
continually. Having successfully escaped them for four weeks why continue, and
with persons having no earthly claim on one, to herd? She lit a cigarette. She began to feel secure. Those two had gone for a walk.
There was no sign of Mrs. Fisher. How very pleasant this was. Somebody came out through the glass doors, just as she was drawing a deep
breath of security. Surely it couldn’t be Mrs. Fisher, wanting to sit with her?
Mrs. Fisher had her battlements. She ought to stay on them, having snatched
them. It would be too tiresome if she wouldn’t, and wanted not only to have
them and her sitting-room but to establish herself in this garden as well. No; it wasn’t Mrs. Fisher, it was the cook. She frowned. Was she going to have to go on ordering the food? Surely one or
other of those two waving women would do that now. The cook, who had been waiting in increasing agitation in the kitchen, watching
the clock getting nearer to lunch-time while she still was without knowledge of
what lunch was to consist of, had gone at last to Mrs. Fisher, who had
immediately waved her away. She then wandered about the house seeking a
mistress, any mistress, who would tell her what to cook, and finding none; and
at last, directed by Francesca, who always knew where everybody was, came out
to Lady Caroline. Domenico had provided this cook. She was Costanza, the sister of that one of
his cousins who kept a restaurant down on the piazza. She helped her brother in
his cooking when she had no other job, and knew every sort of fat, mysterious
Italian dish such as the workmen of Castagneto, who crowded the restaurant at
midday, and the inhabitants of Mezzago when they came over on Sundays, loved to
eat. She was a fleshless spinster of fifty, grey-haired, nimble, rich of
speech, and thought Lady Caroline more beautiful than anyone she had ever seen;
and so did Domenico; and so did the boy Giuseppe who helped Domenico and was,
besides, his nephew; and so did the girl Angela who helped Francesca and was,
besides, Domenico’s niece; and so did Francesca herself. Domenico and
Francesca, the only two who had seen them, thought the two ladies who arrived
last very beautiful, but compared to the fair young lady who arrived first they
were as candles to the electric light that had lately been installed, and as
the tin tubs in the bedrooms to the wonderful new bathroom their master had had
arranged on his last visit. Lady Caroline scowled at the cook. The scowl, as usual, was transformed on the
way into what appeared to be an intent and beautiful gravity, and Costanza
threw up her hands and took the saints aloud to witness that here was the very
picture of the Mother of God. Lady Caroline asked her crossly what she wanted, and Costanza’s head went on
one side with delight at the sheer music of her voice. She said, after waiting
a moment in case the music was going to continue, for she didn’t wish to miss
any of it, that she wanted orders; she had been to the Signorina’s mother, but
in vain. “She is not my mother,” repudiated Lady Caroline angrily; and her anger sounded
like the regretful wail of a melodious orphan. Costanza poured forth pity. She too, she explained, had no mother— Lady Caroline interrupted with the curt information that her mother was alive
and in London. Costanza praised God and the saints that the young lady did not yet know what
it was like to be without a mother. Quickly enough did misfortunes overtake
one; no doubt the young lady already had a husband. “No,” said Lady Caroline icily. Worse than jokes in the morning did she hate
the idea of husbands. And everybody was always trying to press them on her—all
her relations, all her friends, all the evening papers. After all, she could
only marry one, anyhow; but you would think from the way everybody talked, and
especially those persons who wanted to be husbands, that she could marry at
least a dozen. Her soft, pathetic “No” made Costanza, who was standing close to her, well with
sympathy. “Poor little one,” said Costanza, moved actually to pat her encouragingly on
the shoulder, “take hope. There is still time.” “For lunch,” said Lady Caroline freezingly, marvelling as she spoke that she
should be patted, she who had taken so much trouble to come to a place, remote
and hidden, where she could be sure that among other things of a like
oppressive nature pattings also were not, “we will have—” Costanza became business-like. She interrupted with suggestions, and her
suggestions were all admirable and all expensive. Lady Caroline did not know they were expensive, and fell in with them at once.
They sounded very nice. Every sort of young vegetables and fruits came into
them, and much butter and a great deal of cream and incredible numbers of eggs.
Costanza said enthusiastically at the end, as a tribute to this acquiescence,
that of the many ladies and gentlemen she had worked for on temporary jobs such
as this she preferred the English ladies and gentlemen. She more than preferred
them—they roused devotion in her. For they knew what to order; they did not
skimp; they refrained from grinding down the faces of the poor. From this Lady Caroline concluded that she had been extravagant, and promptly
countermanded the cream. Costanza’s face fell, for she had a cousin who had a cow, and the cream was to
have come from them both. “And perhaps we had better not have chickens,” said Lady Caroline. Costanza’s face fell more, for her brother at the restaurant kept chickens in
his back-yard, and many of them were ready for killing. “Also do not order strawberries till I have consulted with the other ladies,”
said Lady Caroline, remembering that it was only the first of April, and that
perhaps people who lived in Hampstead might be poor; indeed, must be poor, or
why live in Hampstead? “It is not I who am mistress here.” “Is it the old one?” asked Costanza, her face very long. “No,” said Lady Caroline. “Which of the other two ladies is it?” “Neither,” said Lady Caroline. Then Costanza’s smiles returned, for the young lady was having fun with her and
making jokes. She told her so, in her friendly Italian way, and was genuinely
delighted. “I never make jokes,” said Lady Caroline briefly. “You had better go, or lunch
will certainly not be ready by half-past twelve.” And these curt words came out sounding so sweet that Costanza felt as if kind
compliments were being paid her, and forgot her disappointment about the cream
and the chickens, and went away all gratitude and smiles. “This,” thought Lady Caroline, “will never do. I haven’t come here to
housekeep, and I won’t.” She called Costanza back. Costanza came running. The sound of her name in that
voice enchanted her. “I have ordered the lunch for to-day,” said Lady Caroline, with the serious
angel face that was hers when she was annoyed, “and I have also ordered the
dinner, but from now on you will go to one of the other ladies for orders. I
give no more.” The idea that she would go on giving orders was too absurd. She never gave
orders at home. Nobody there dreamed of asking her to do anything. That such a
very tiresome activity should be thrust upon her here, simply because she
happened to be able to talk Italian, was ridiculous. Let the originals give
orders if Mrs. Fisher refused to. Mrs. Fisher, of course, was the one Nature
intended for such a purpose. She had the very air of a competent housekeeper.
Her clothes were the clothes of a housekeeper, and so was the way she did her
hair. Having delivered herself of her ultimatum with an acerbity that turned sweet on
the way, and accompanied it by a peremptory gesture of dismissal that had the
grace and loving-kindness of a benediction, it was annoying that Costanza
should only stand still with her head on one side gazing at her in obvious
delight. “Oh, go away!” exclaimed Lady Caroline in English, suddenly exasperated. There had been a fly in her bedroom that morning which had stuck just as
Costanza was sticking; only one, but it might have been a myriad it was so
tiresome from daylight on. It was determined to settle on her face, and she was
determined it should not. Its persistence was uncanny. It woke her, and would
not let her go to sleep again. She hit at it, and it eluded her without fuss or
effort and with an almost visible blandness, and she had only hit herself. It
came back again instantly, and with a loud buzz alighted on her cheek. She hit
at it again and hurt herself, while it skimmed gracefully away. She lost her
temper, and sat up in bed and waited, watching to hit at it and kill it. She
kept on hitting at it at last with fury and with all her strength, as if it
were a real enemy deliberately trying to madden her; and it elegantly skimmed
in and out of her blows, not even angry, to be back again the next instant. It
succeeded every time in getting on to her face, and was quite indifferent how
often it was driven away. That was why she had dressed and come out so early.
Francesca had already been told to put a net over her bed, for she was not
going to allow herself to be annoyed twice like that. People were exactly like
flies. She wished there were nets for keeping them off too. She hit at them
with words and frowns, and like the fly they slipped between her blows and were
untouched. Worse than the fly, they seemed unaware that she had even tried to
hit them. The fly at least did for a moment go away. With human beings the only
way to get rid of them was to go away herself. That was what, so tired, she had
done this April; and having got here, having got close up to the details of
life at San Salvatore, it appeared that here, too, she was not to be let alone. Viewed from London there had seemed to be no details. San Salvatore from there
seemed to be an empty, a delicious blank. Yet, after only twenty-four hours of
it, she was discovering that it was not a blank at all, and that she was having
to ward off as actively as ever. Already she had been much stuck to. Mrs.
Fisher had stuck nearly the whole of the day before, and this morning there had
been no peace, not ten minutes uninterruptedly alone. Costanza of course had finally to go because she had to cook, but hardly had
she gone before Domenico came. He came to water and tie up. That was natural,
since he was the gardener, but he watered and tied up all the things that were
nearest to her; he hovered closer and closer; he watered to excess; he tied
plants that were as straight and steady as arrows. Well, at least he was a man,
and therefore not quite so annoying, and his smiling good-morning was received
with an answering smile; upon which Domenico forgot his family, his wife, his
mother, his grown-up children and all his duties, and only wanted to kiss the
young lady’s feet. He could not do that, unfortunately, but he could talk while he worked, and
talk he did; voluminously; pouring out every kind of information, illustrating
what he said with gestures so lively that he had to put down the watering-pot,
and thus delay the end of the watering. Lady Caroline bore it for a time but presently was unable to bear it, and as he
would not go, and she could not tell him to, seeing that he was engaged in his
proper work, once again it was she who had to. She got off the wall and moved to the other side of the garden, where in a
wooden shed were some comfortable low cane chairs. All she wanted was to turn
one of these round with its back to Domenico and its front to the sea towards
Genoa. Such a little thing to want. One would have thought she might have been
allowed to do that unmolested. But he, who watched her every movement, when he
saw her approaching the chairs darted after her and seized one and asked to be
told where to put it. Would she never get away from being waited on, being made comfortable, being
asked where she wanted things put, having to say thank you? She was short with
Domenico, who instantly concluded the sun had given her a headache, and ran in
and fetched her a sunshade and a cushion and a footstool, and was skilful, and
was wonderful, and was one of Nature’s gentlemen. She shut her eyes in a heavy resignation. She could not be unkind to Domenico.
She could not get up and walk indoors as she would have done if it had been one
of the others. Domenico was intelligent and very competent. She had at once
discovered that it was he who really ran the house, who really did everything.
And his manners were definitely delightful, and he undoubtedly was a charming
person. It was only that she did so much long to be let alone. If only, only
she could be left quite quiet for this one month, she felt that she might
perhaps make something of herself after all. She kept her eyes shut, because then he would think she wanted to sleep and
would go away. Domenico’s romantic Italian soul melted within him at the sight, for having her
eyes shut was extraordinarily becoming to her. He stood entranced, quite still,
and she thought he had stolen away, so she opened them again. No; there he was, staring at her. Even he. There was no getting away from being
stared at. “I have a headache,” she said, shutting them again. “It is the sun,” said Domenico, “and sitting on the wall without a hat.” “I wish to sleep.” “Sì signorina,” he said sympathetically; and went softly away. She opened her eyes with a sigh of relief. The gentle closing of the glass
doors showed her that he had not only gone quite away but had shut her out in
the garden so that she should be undisturbed. Now perhaps she would be alone
till lunch-time. It was very curious, and no one in the world could have been more surprised
than she herself, but she wanted to think. She had never wanted to do that
before. Everything else that it is possible to do without too much
inconvenience she had either wanted to do or had done at one period or another
of her life, but not before had she wanted to think. She had come to San
Salvatore with the single intention of lying comatose for four weeks in the
sun, somewhere where her parents and friends were not, lapped in forgetfulness,
stirring herself only to be fed, and she had not been there more than a few
hours when this strange new desire took hold of her. There had been wonderful stars the evening before, and she had gone out into
the top garden after dinner, leaving Mrs. Fisher alone over her nuts and wine,
and, sitting on the wall at the place where the lilies crowded their ghost
heads, she had looked out into the gulf of the night, and it had suddenly
seemed as if her life had been a noise all about nothing. She had been intensely surprised. She knew stars and darkness did produce
unusual emotions because, in others, she had seen them being produced, but they
had not before done it in herself. A noise all about nothing. Could she be
quite well? She had wondered. For a long while past she had been aware that her
life was a noise, but it had seemed to be very much about something; a noise,
indeed, about so much that she felt she must get out of earshot for a little or
she would be completely, and perhaps permanently, deafened. But suppose it was
only a noise about nothing? She had not had a question like that in her mind before. It had made her feel
lonely. She wanted to be alone, but not lonely. That was very different; that
was something that ached and hurt dreadfully right inside one. It was what one
dreaded most. It was what made one go to so many parties; and lately even the
parties had seemed once or twice not to be a perfectly certain protection. Was
it possible that loneliness had nothing to do with circumstances, but only with
the way one met them? Perhaps, she had thought, she had better go to bed. She
couldn’t be very well. She went to bed; and in the morning, after she had escaped the fly and had her
breakfast and got out again into the garden, there was this same feeling again,
and in broad daylight. Once more she had that really rather disgusting
suspicion that her life till now had not only been loud but empty. Well, if
that were so, and if her first twenty-eight years—the best ones—had gone just
in meaningless noise, she had better stop a moment and look round her; pause,
as they said in tiresome novels, and consider. She hadn’t got many sets of
twenty-eight years. One more would see her growing very like Mrs. Fisher. Two
more— She averted her eyes. Her mother would have been concerned if she had known. Her mother doted. Her
father would have been concerned too, for he also doted. Everybody doted. And
when, melodiously obstinate, she had insisted on going off to entomb herself in
Italy for a whole month with queer people she had got out of an advertisement,
refusing even to take her maid, the only explanation her friends could imagine
was that poor Scrap—such was her name among them—had overdone it and was
feeling a little nervy. Her mother had been distressed at her departure. It was such an odd thing to
do, such a sign of disappointment. She encouraged the general idea of the verge
of a nervous breakdown. If she could have seen her adored Scrap, more
delightful to look upon than any other mother’s daughter had ever yet been, the
object of her utmost pride, the source of all her fondest hopes, sitting
staring at the empty noonday Mediterranean considering her three possible sets
of twenty-eight years, she would have been miserable. To go away alone was bad;
to think was worse. No good could come out of the thinking of a beautiful young
woman. Complications could come out of it in profusion, but no good. The
thinking of the beautiful was bound to result in hesitations, in reluctances,
in unhappiness all round. And here, if she could have seen her, sat her Scrap
thinking quite hard. And such things. Such old things. Things nobody ever began
to think till they were at least forty. |
That one of the two sitting-rooms which Mrs. Fisher had taken for her own was a
room of charm and character. She surveyed it with satisfaction on going into it
after breakfast, and was glad it was hers. It had a tiled floor, and walls the
colour of pale honey, and inlaid furniture the colour of amber, and mellow
books, many in ivory or lemon-coloured covers. There was a big window
overlooking the sea towards Genoa, and a glass door through which she could
proceed out on to the battlements and walk along past the quaint and attractive
watch-tower, in itself a room with chairs and a writing table, to where on the
other side of the tower the battlements ended in a marble seat, and one could
see the western bay and the point round which began the Gulf of Spezia. Her
south view, between these two stretches of sea, was another hill, higher than
San Salvatore, the last of the little peninsula, with the bland turrets of a
smaller and uninhabited castle on the top, on which the setting sun still shone
when everything else was sunk in shadow. Yes, she was very comfortably
established here; and receptacles—Mrs. Fisher did not examine their nature
closely, but they seemed to be small stone troughs, or perhaps little
sarcophagi—ringed round the battlements with flowers. These battlements, she thought, considering them, would have been a perfect
place for her to pace up and down gently in moments when she least felt the
need of her stick, or to sit in on the marble seat, having first put a cushion
on it, if there had not unfortunately been a second glass door opening on to
them, destroying their complete privacy, spoiling her feeling that the place
was only for her. The second door belonged to the round drawing-room, which
both she and Lady Caroline had rejected as too dark. That room would probably
be sat in by the women from Hampstead, and she was afraid they would not
confine themselves to sitting in it, but would come out through the glass door
and invade her battlements. This would ruin the battlements. It would ruin them
as far as she was concerned if they were to be overrun; or even if, not
actually overrun, they were liable to be raked by the eyes of persons inside
the room. No one could be perfectly at ease if they were being watched and knew
it. What she wanted, what she surely had a right to, was privacy. She had no
wish to intrude on the others; why then should they intrude on her? And she
could always relax her privacy if, when she became better acquainted with her
companions, she should think it worth while, but she doubted whether any of the
three would so develop as to make her think it worth while. Hardly anything was really worth while, reflected Mrs. Fisher, except the past.
It was astonishing, it was simply amazing, the superiority of the past to the
present. Those friends of hers in London, solid persons of her own age, knew
the same past that she knew, could talk about it with her, could compare it as
she did with the tinkling present, and in remembering great men forget for a
moment the trivial and barren young people who still, in spite of the war,
seemed to litter the world in such numbers. She had not come away from these
friends, these conversable ripe friends, in order to spend her time in Italy
chatting with three persons of another generation and defective experience; she
had come away merely to avoid the treacheries of a London April. It was true
what she had told the two who came to Prince of Wales Terrace, that all she
wished to do at San Salvatore was to sit by herself in the sun and remember.
They knew this, for she had told them. It had been plainly expressed and
clearly understood. Therefore she had a right to expect them to stay inside the
round drawing-room and not to emerge interruptingly on to her battlements. But would they? The doubt spoilt her morning. It was only towards lunch-time
that she saw a way to be quite safe, and ringing for Francesca, bade her, in
slow and majestic Italian, shut the shutters of the glass door of the round
drawing-room, and then, going with her into the room, which had become darker
than ever in consequence, but also, Mrs. Fisher observed to Francesca, who was
being voluble, would because of this very darkness remain agreeably cool, and
after all there were the numerous slit-windows in the walls to let in light and
it was nothing to do with her if they did not let it in, she directed the
placing of a cabinet of curios across the door on its inside. This would discourage egress. Then she rang for Domenico, and caused him to move one of the flower-filled
sarcophagi across the door on its outside. This would discourage ingress. “No one,” said Domenico, hesitating, “will be able to use the door.” “No one,” said Mrs. Fisher firmly, “will wish to.” She then retired to her sitting-room, and from a chair placed where she could
look straight on to them, gazed at her battlements, secured to her now
completely, with calm pleasure. Being here, she reflected placidly, was much cheaper than being in an hotel
and, if she could keep off the others, immeasurably more agreeable. She was
paying for her rooms—extremely pleasant rooms, now that she was arranged in
them—£3 a week, which came to about eight shillings a day, battlements,
watch-tower and all. Where else abroad could she live as well for so little,
and have as many baths as she liked, for eight shillings a day? Of course she
did not yet know what her food would cost, but she would insist on carefulness
over that, though she would also insist on its being carefulness combined with
excellence. The two were perfectly compatible if the caterer took pains. The
servants’ wages, she had ascertained, were negligible, owing to the
advantageous exchange, so that there was only the food to cause her anxiety. If
she saw signs of extravagance she would propose that they each hand over a
reasonable sum every week to Lady Caroline which should cover the bills, any of
it that was not used to be returned, and if it were exceeded the loss to be
borne by the caterer. Mrs. Fisher was well off and had the desire for comforts proper to her age, but
she disliked expenses. So well off was she that, had she so chosen, she could
have lived in an opulent part of London and driven from it and to it in a
Rolls-Royce. She had no such wish. It needed more vitality than went with true
comfort to deal with a house in an opulent spot and a Rolls-Royce. Worries
attended such possessions, worries of every kind, crowned by bills. In the
sober gloom of Prince of Wales Terrace she could obscurely enjoy inexpensive
yet real comfort, without being snatched at by predatory men-servants or
collectors for charities, and a taxi stand was at the end of the road. Her
annual outlay was small. The house was inherited. Death had furnished it for
her. She trod in the dining-room on the Turkey carpet of her fathers; she
regulated her day by the excellent black marble clock on the mantelpiece which
she remembered from childhood; her walls were entirely covered by the
photographs her illustrious deceased friends had given either herself or her
father, with their own handwriting across the lower parts of their bodies, and
the windows, shrouded by the maroon curtains of all her life, were decorated
besides with the selfsame aquariums to which she owed her first lessons in
sealore, and in which still swam slowly the goldfishes of her youth. Were they the same goldfish? She did not know. Perhaps, like carp, they
outlived everybody. Perhaps, on the other hand, behind the deep-sea vegetation
provided for them at the bottom, they had from time to time as the years went
by withdrawn and replaced themselves. Were they or were they not, she sometimes
wondered, contemplating them between the courses of her solitary meals, the
same goldfish that had that day been there when Carlyle—how well she remembered
it—angrily strode up to them in the middle of some argument with her father
that had grown heated, and striking the glass smartly with his fist had put
them to flight, shouting as they fled, “Och, ye deaf deevils! Och, ye lucky deaf
deevils! Ye can’t hear anything of the blasted, blethering, doddering, glaikit
fool-stuff yer maister talks, can ye?” Or words to that effect. Dear, great-souled Carlyle. Such natural gushings forth; such true freshness;
such real grandeur. Rugged, if you will—yes, undoubtedly sometimes rugged, and
startling in a drawing-room, but magnificent. Who was there now to put beside
him? Who was there to mention in the same breath? Her father, than whom no one
had had more flair, said: “Thomas is immortal.” And here was this
generation, this generation of puniness, raising its little voice in doubts,
or, still worse, not giving itself the trouble to raise it at all, not—it was
incredible, but it had been thus reported to her—even reading him. Mrs. Fisher
did not read him either, but that was different. She had read him; she had
certainly read him. Of course she had read him. There was Teufelsdröck—she
quite well remembered a tailor called Teufelsdröck. So like Carlyle to call him
that. Yes, she must have read him, though naturally details escaped her. The gong sounded. Lost in reminiscence Mrs. Fisher had forgotten time, and
hastened to her bedroom to wash her hands and smoothe her hair. She did not
wish to be late and set a bad example, and perhaps find her seat at the head of
the table taken. One could put no trust in the manners of the younger
generation; especially not in those of that Mrs. Wilkins. She was, however, the first to arrive in the dining-room. Francesca in a white
apron stood ready with an enormous dish of smoking hot, glistening maccaroni,
but nobody was there to eat it. Mrs. Fisher sat down, looking stern. Lax, lax. “Serve me,” she said to Francesca, who showed a disposition to wait for the
others. Francesca served her. Of the party she liked Mrs. Fisher least, in fact she did
not like her at all. She was the only one of the four ladies who had not yet
smiled. True she was old, true she was unbeautiful, true she therefore had no
reason to smile, but kind ladies smiled, reason or no. They smiled, not because
they were happy but because they wished to make happy. This one of the four
ladies could not then, Francesca decided, be kind; so she handed her the
maccaroni, being unable to hide any of her feelings, morosely. It was very well cooked, but Mrs. Fisher had never cared for maccaroni,
especially not this long, worm-shaped variety. She found it difficult to
eat—slippery, wriggling off her fork, making her look, she felt, undignified
when, having got it as she supposed into her mouth, ends of it yet hung out.
Always, too, when she ate it she was reminded of Mr. Fisher. He had during
their married life behaved very much like maccaroni. He had slipped, he had
wriggled, he had made her feel undignified, and when at last she had got him
safe, as she thought, there had invariably been little bits of him that still,
as it were, hung out. Francesca from the sideboard watched Mrs. Fisher’s way with maccaroni gloomily,
and her gloom deepened when she saw her at last take her knife to it and chop
it small. Mrs. Fisher really did not know how else to get hold of the stuff. She was
aware that knives in this connection were improper, but one did finally lose
patience. Maccaroni was never allowed to appear on her table in London. Apart
from its tiresomeness she did not even like it, and she would tell Lady
Caroline not to order it again. Years of practice, reflected Mrs. Fisher,
chopping it up, years of actual living in Italy, would be necessary to learn
the exact trick. Browning managed maccaroni wonderfully. She remembered
watching him one day when he came to lunch with her father, and a dish of it
had been ordered as a compliment to his connection with Italy. Fascinating, the
way it went in. No chasing round the plate, no slidings off the fork, no
subsequent protrusions of loose ends—just one dig, one whisk, one thrust, one
gulp, and lo, yet another poet had been nourished. “Shall I go and seek the young lady?” asked Francesca, unable any longer to
look on a good maccaroni being cut with a knife. Mrs. Fisher came out of her reminiscent reflections with difficulty. “She knows
lunch is at half-past twelve,” she said. “They all know.” “She may be asleep,” said Francesca. “The other ladies are further away, but
this one is not far away.” “Beat the gong again then,” said Mrs. Fisher. What manners, she thought; what, what manners. It was not an hotel, and
considerations were due. She must say she was surprised at Mrs. Arbuthnot, who
had not looked like somebody unpunctual. Lady Caroline, too—she had seemed
amiable and courteous, whatever else she might be. From the other one, of
course, she expected nothing. Francesca fetched the gong, and took it out into the garden and advanced,
beating it as she advanced, close up to Lady Caroline, who, still stretched in
her low chair, waited till she had done, and then turned her head and in the
sweetest tones poured forth what appeared to be music but was really invective. Francesca did not recognise the liquid flow as invective; how was she to, when
it came out sounding like that? And with her face all smiles, for she could not
but smile when she looked at this young lady, she told her the maccaroni was
getting cold. “When I do not come to meals it is because I do not wish to come to meals,”
said the irritated Scrap, “and you will not in future disturb me.” “Is she ill?” asked Francesca, sympathetic but unable to stop smiling. Never,
never had she seen hair so beautiful. Like pure flax; like the hair of northern
babes. On such a little head only blessing could rest, on such a little head
the nimbus of the holiest saints could fitly be placed. Scrap shut her eyes and refused to answer. In this she was injudicious, for its
effect was to convince Francesca, who hurried away full of concern to tell Mrs.
Fisher, that she was indisposed. And Mrs. Fisher, being prevented, she
explained, from going out to Lady Caroline herself because of her stick, sent
the two others instead, who had come in at that moment heated and breathless
and full of excuses, while she herself proceeded to the next course, which was
a very well-made omelette, bursting most agreeably at both its ends with young
green peas. “Serve me,” she directed Francesca, who again showed a disposition to wait for
the others. “Oh, why won’t they leave me alone?—oh, why won’t they leave me
alone?” Scrap asked herself when she heard more scrunchings on the little
pebbles which took the place of grass, and therefore knew some one else was
approaching. She kept her eyes tight shut this time. Why should she go in to lunch if she
didn’t want to? This wasn’t a private house; she was in no way tangled up in
duties towards a tiresome hostess. For all practical purposes San Salvatore was
an hotel, and she ought to be let alone to eat or not to eat exactly as if she
really had been in an hotel. But the unfortunate Scrap could not just sit still and close her eyes without
rousing that desire to stroke and pet in her beholders with which she was only
too familiar. Even the cook had patted her. And now a gentle hand—how well she
knew and how much she dreaded gentle hands—was placed on her forehead. “I’m afraid you’re not well,” said a voice that was not Mrs. Fisher’s, and
therefore must belong to one of the originals. “I have a headache,” murmured Scrap. Perhaps it was best to say that; perhaps
it was the shortest cut to peace. “I’m so sorry,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot softly, for it was her hand being gentle. “And I,” said Scrap to herself, “who thought if I came here I would escape
mothers.” “Don’t you think some tea would do you good?” asked Mrs. Arbuthnot tenderly. Tea? The idea was abhorrent to Scrap. In this heat to be drinking tea in the
middle of the day. . . “No,” she murmured. “I expect what would really be best for her,” said another voice, “is to be
left quiet.” How sensible, thought Scrap; and raised the eye-lashes of one eye just enough
to peep through and see who was speaking. It was the freckled original. The dark one, then, was the one with the hand.
The freckled one rose in her esteem. “But I can’t bear to think of you with a headache and nothing being done for
it,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Would a cup of strong black coffee—?” Scrap said no more. She waited, motionless and dumb, till Mrs. Arbuthnot should
remove her hand. After all, she couldn’t stand there all day, and when she went
away she would have to take her hand with her. “I do think,” said the freckled one, “that she wants nothing except quiet.” And perhaps the freckled one pulled the one with the hand by the sleeve, for
the hold on Scrap’s forehead relaxed, and after a minute’s silence, during
which no doubt she was being contemplated—she was always being contemplated—the
footsteps began to scrunch the pebbles again, and grew fainter, and were gone. “Lady Caroline has a headache,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, re-entering the
dining-room and sitting down in her place next to Mrs. Fisher. “I can’t
persuade her to have even a little tea, or some black coffee. Do you know what
aspirin is in Italian?” “The proper remedy for headaches,” said Mrs. Fisher firmly, “is castor oil.” “But she hasn’t got a headache,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “Carlyle,” said Mrs. Fisher, who had finished her omelette and had leisure,
while she waited for the next course, to talk, “suffered at one period terribly
from headaches, and he constantly took castor oil as a remedy. He took it, I
should say, almost to excess, and called it, I remember, in his interesting way
the oil of sorrow. My father said it coloured for a time his whole attitude to
life, his whole philosophy. But that was because he took too much. What Lady
Caroline wants is one dose, and one only. It is a mistake to keep on taking
castor oil.” “Do you know the Italian for it?” asked Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Ah, that I’m afraid I don’t. However, she would know. You can ask her.” “But she hasn’t got a headache,” repeated Mrs. Wilkins, who was struggling with
the maccaroni. “She only wants to be let alone.” They both looked at her. The word shovel crossed Mrs. Fisher’s mind in
connection with Mrs. Wilkins’s actions at that moment. “Then why should she say she has?” asked Mrs. Arbuthnot. “Because she is still trying to be polite. Soon she won’t try, when the place
has got more into her—she’ll really be it. Without trying. Naturally.” “Lotty, you see,” explained Mrs. Arbuthnot, smiling to Mrs. Fisher, who sat
waiting with a stony patience for her next course, delayed because Mrs. Wilkins
would go on trying to eat the maccaroni, which must be less worth eating than
ever now that it was cold; “Lotty, you see, has a theory about this place—” But Mrs. Fisher had no wish to hear any theory of Mrs. Wilkins’s. “I am sure I don’t know,” she interrupted, looking severely at Mrs. Wilkins,
“why you should assume Lady Caroline is not telling the truth.” “I don’t assume—I know,” said Mrs. Wilkins. “And pray how do you know?” asked Mrs. Fisher icily, for Mrs. Wilkins was
actually helping herself to more maccaroni, offered her officiously and
unnecessarily a second time by Francesca. “When I was out there just now I saw inside her.” Well, Mrs. Fisher wasn’t going to say anything to that; she wasn’t going to
trouble to reply to downright idiocy. Instead she sharply rapped the little
table-gong by her side, though there was Francesca standing at the sideboard,
and said, for she would wait no longer for her next course, “Serve me.” And Francesca—it must have been wilful—offered her the maccaroni again. |
"There was no way of getting into or out of the top garden at San Salvatore\nexcept through the two (...TRUNCATED) |
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