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After finding out exactly what happens after death, we can tell you with absolute certainty, you'd do the exact same."
| When asked "Why are you trying so desperately to find immortality?" The scientists simply answered |
|
Millions of terrified parents rushed to kill their children.
| Today they announced that there are only 12,000 spots left in heaven. |
|
Yet, every day when the men go to tend the fields, I still pray they don't step in the wrong spot.
| The war has been over for nearly 15 years. |
|
We knew something was terribly wrong when all 950 who agreed instantly died on accepting the exchange.
| 1000 young people were given the option to gain 100k dollars in exchange for 1 year of their life |
|
I didn't realize this worked until the day I felt a rush of joy along with vivid flashes of somebody's past-- just as I bit into a burger from that diner on route 40.
| I was born with the ability to psychically experience the happiest memories of any human by merely touching their deceased skin. |
|
It wasn't until 3051 scientists found out a soul couldn't pass on until every cell of a person had died.
| When Henrietta Lacks died in 1951 from her cancer she thought the pain she was experiencing was finally over. |
|
After I hadn't seen him for 4 days I broke into his room to find a circle of "salt" around his messy bed covered in tiny, caramelized hoofprints.
| My roommate kept stealing my salt, so I replaced it with sugar to teach him a lesson. |
|
I frantically tried to explain the number tattooed on my arm, but it was already too late.
| Sorry, no tattoos allowed in Heaven, no exceptions. |
|
I watched her paper thin body clutching the chair for support and wished there was some way I could help convince her she wasn't overweight
| My girlfriend screamed at me for trying to force feed her, while claiming she always knew I had a thing for chubby girls |
|
Wait does fog smell like rotten cabbages?" His Girlfriend asked him as I lit my lighter.
| Ha, will you look at the fog here, it's so thick!" My best friend yelled as we went through a densely fogged road. |
|
It was the fact I left my dog in the crate at home and figured I would give her more water when I got back.
| As I lay dying in a car wreck at the bottom of the ravine, it wasn't my greatest regret in life. |
|
And then I realised that I was the only woman.
| At first, I was so relieved to have survived the plane crash and make it to the deserted island with the other survivors. |
|
Looking down at my nail polish changing color maybe it was for the best.
| I felt embarrassed cleaning myself off after spilling my drink in front of my date |
|
Now, each night, as he refuses his kibble and watches me with a disturbing hunger, I realize he's developed a taste for something completely different.
| As the masked intruder lunged at me, my loyal dog leaped forward, biting off his finger and saving my life. |
|
Remembering the Zippo in her pocket, she flicked it on; revealing the lanky, eyeless man who had been blowing on her face, leading her deeper underground.
| An hour into her cave exploration, Sarah's flashlight broke, and she was forced to blindly follow the faint breeze coming from the cave's entrance. |
|
When my captor said "It's gonna be a long time until they stop finding you." I understood there was something way worse | I used to think that "They're never gonna find you" was the worst thing to hear before being killed. |
|
Hey looked confused, and still doesn't understand why I said you can't encode infinite numbers in binary. | As a proud scientist, I asked the genie to "know every single digit of π" as my first wish. |
|
I'm not sure why everyone's so scared, there wasn't even anything in it. | I thought it would be a funny prank to inject my sister, who was afraid of needles, with one of her syringes. |
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Although this tide has been very low for quite some time. | I love going to the beach and watching the difference between the low and high tides. |
|
He hides because he doesn't know where we came from.
| God doesn't hide in Heaven because he created us, |
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