<commit_before>---
layout: page
title: Coaching
permalink: /coaching2/
---

## Live a Full Life – You Deserve It!

In 2009, after working with the dying for many years, a palliative
carer called <NAME> realized that the people passing away under
her care had five common regrets.

They wished they'd had the courage to live a life true to themselves,
not the life others expected of them.

They wished they hadn't worked so hard, and had instead spent some
time to get to know themselves, their children and their spouses.

They wished that they had the courage to express their feelings,
instead of shoving them down deeper and deeper into their psyche.

They wished they had kept in touch with their friends and hadn't let
those relationships decay.

They wished that they had let themselves be happier.

In other words, they wished they had brought their full self into the
world, instead of shoving it down, shutting it in a room and locking
the door. They wished that they had realized that they are valuable
human beings, and they must treat themselves that way.

When you think into the future, to your last few days in this world,
what would you say your regrets would be? Would you have lived a full
life?

If not, it's okay. I'm here to help you bring your entire self into
the world through self-realization.

## What Is Self-Realization?

Self-realization is realizing your full potential and bringing it into
the world. I'm not talking about just reading, watching, or listening
here – I'm talking about going out there into the world, experiencing
it, and taking action, consciously.

## How Can Coaching Help?

Coaching is *the* best way to accelerate your self-realization. It's like having
a human jetpack, who truly believes in your potential, whose only
agenda is to help you go farther faster.

Don't get me wrong, books, online courses, TED talks, and YouTube
videos are great. I've been an avid reader since I was 13 – at some
point reading as much as 2 books a week!

That stuff expands your horizons. It gives you new ideas you didn't
have before. It helps you reframe an issue you're facing.

But here's what's wrong with them:

- They are general. Some of the advice applies to you, some of it doesn't
- They give you the knowledge, but then you're all on your own. That's why you feel like you're not implementing anything you learned
- They don't help you grow. You grow by synthesizing ideas from your past, thoughts, emotions and body, and putting those ideas into action

In other words, they are just input.

Here is the thing that took me more than a decade to realize: the only way to truly grow is to experience life, and take action.

Let that sink in for a moment, because that sounds like a cliche. Let me show you what I mean.

To truly grow, you have to sit with the gut-wrenching feeling of
failure that makes you feel like a fraud, and find the will power to
get up the next day.

To truly grow, you have to stay with the tears of losing someone or
something you thought you couldn't live without, and find the strength
in yourself to carry on, because the universe certainly doesn't wait
for you.

To truly grow, you have to have a vision that is so daunting it makes
the butterflies in your stomach do a tap dance, and yet, define the
tiniest step forward. And take it.

Compare that with just learning about the things you could do, and then doing *none*.

These are the things that I will help you with. I will help you truly grow, both in your mind and your actions. Here is how:

- I will keep an open space for you to vent. The only way to solve a big issue is first to empty your head
- i will ask questions to help you brainstorm. Ideas kill overwhelm and helplessness
- I will gently nudge you to act before you're ready. Confidence comes from seeing yourself do something you considered impossible, not by spending months until you feel "ready"
- I will help you set actionable objectives that urge you to step out into the world and make your ideas a reality
- I will keep you accountable, so that you make progress every day – even 1% counts

Imagine how it would feel like to improve 1% a day. Imagine that 1%
compounding so you accelerate, and do things you never thought were
possible.

Imagine your self-confidence soaring, not because of feel-good
affirmations you repeat in front of a mirror, but because you can see
yourself growing.

Imagine reading books, watching TED talks, listening to podcasts, and
using what you learn to define your next steps, and taking action on
them.

You're growing, not only in terms of your ideas, but also in terms of
your thinking, feeling, and actions.

Can you feel your heart beginning to race? Can you feel the
exhilarating energy of possibilities?

Now you know how it feels to truly grow. Now you know how it feels
like to have a jetpack.

## Who are you?

You might be stuck today. You might not be doing all that you expect
of yourself.

Maybe you feel like an imposter, like you got where you are by "luck"
or through "coincidences".

Maybe you've done things that you're proud of, but now you feel lost,
adrift, aimless.

Maybe you know where you should go, and you have a hypothetical idea
of how to get there, but you can't seem to move.

But beneath it all, you feel an immense potential, waiting. You dream
of the day when that potential is unlocked, when you can bring your
entire self into the world.

If that's you, you're in the right place.

## Who am I?

Hi. My name is Parham. I'm a completely blind coach, engineering team
lead and developer.

Throughout my life, just like anyone else, I have overcome
adversity. I could go on and on about my achievements and the pain I
went through.

About how I went through higher education despite having no study
books.

About how I got high-paying jobs despite being surrounded by my family
who kept telling me no one will ever hire a blind person.

About how I learned to stand up for myself and marry the woman I love
despite disapproval from my parents.

About how I became so good that Booking.com hired me as an expat and
sponsored me to move to the Netherlands.

About how I led a team that created the solution that was the gateway
to one of the biggest moves in Booking.com's history: to modernize the
way software was written and deployed.

I did all that, but I never had someone who *truly* believed in my
potential, so I didn't believe in myself either.

The result was that I achieved more and more, but not because of
having an impact, growing, or realizing my potential.

I only did it to prove everyone else wrong. "Maybe, if they believe
that I am worthy," I thought, " I myself would also believe it, too."

I never had someone who would call BS on lies I was telling myself. I
never had someone who would remind me that I could dream bigger, and
that I could turn those dreams into reality by doing the smallest
action I could possibly do, every day.

I never had someone who would hold a space of safety and creativity
open for me, so that I could bring in all my problems and worries, and
talk my way through them.

I never had anyone who could reflect my thoughts back to me, so that
I'd realize that the stories I was telling myself make no sense.

I have been reading self-help books since I was thirteen. However,
those books only gave me knowledge, not results. All they gave me were
the "should"s – I could recite how many books <NAME> read in a
day, what <NAME> thought about failure, how I should behave to win
friends and influence people, all the atomic habits I should build and
all that.

But I didn't know how to react when my boss slammed the door in my face.

I didn't know what to do when I failed interview after interview, and
felt like an imposter.

I didn't know what to do when I achieved my biggest dream and came to
the Netherlands and got a high-paying job, and it didn't feel as
rewarding as I had imagined it would. Instead, I felt empty, aimless,
and dangerously close to depression.

In 2018, through one of my managers, I got introduced to coaching for
the very first time.

In a short time, I realized that just by having someone who was
rooting for me, life could be a lot less painful, and I could make
progress a lot faster. My life got transformed, not because anything
changed, but because my coaches helped me see what I could do, that I
was lying to myself, that I had so many resources at my disposal, and
I wasn't allowing myself to use them.

In a couple of weeks, I found out that I wanted to work with people,
and not with code. So we came up with a plan so that I'd be promoted
to a team lead. I started "acting" like a manager, and one day, one of
the seniors in my team asked my manager to promote me.

In only three months, I had unlocked a tiny part of my potential.

That work continues today through working with my coaches. Every day I
get closer to who I truly am. There are good days. There are bad
days. But my coaches help me live through it all with grace.

That's why I believe that coaching *will* transform your life. And I'd
love to show you how.

## How It Works

First, we get on a short 30 minute call to get to know each other in a
conversation. If we feel like we click, we schedule a free,
no-obligation clarity session together that will last 2 hours.

During the clarity session, we go deeper into the areas you like to grow in, and the issues you're facing right now.

At the end of that session, you should feel lighter, happier, and more
in control. You should leave with a high-level action plan of how
we're going to tackle your goals.

If that's not true, I ask you to stop right after that session. I'm
not interested in taking your money without delivering value.

However, if that *is* true, we will collaboratively create a coaching
package, optimized and customized for you. Using an Enneagram
assessment and what we discovered in our clarity session we'll define:

- Number of sessions per month
- The list of your goals in the order you want to tackle them

In every session, you are the one who decides what we discuss. You
could discuss your progress toward your goal. You could discuss a
latest development in your life that scares you, or makes you happy.

My role here is *not* to give you solutions and opinions. My role is
*not* to push you to do something you're not comfortable committing
to. My role is *not* to make a goal for you. I will provide
suggestions and opinions if you want, but it's only when you
explicitly ask for it.

## What You Get

Here is a recap of what you get:

- A coaching package, customized and optimized just for you
- Free two hour coaching session (worth €300)
- Free 1 hour emergency coaching session per month, in case you get stuck and need help fast (worth €150)
- Free bonus: Enneagram report to help you identify your core motivations, strengths, challenges, blind spots and more (worth €100)

If you want to live a full life with your entire being, I'd love to help. Please [get in touch](/contact/).

Whatever you do, don't forget: you're precious. Even if you don't believe it, act as if that was true.

## Not ready yet?

It's okay. Enter your email below to be added to my mailing list. You
can get to know me over time, and reach out when you're ready.

{% include buttondown.html %}
<commit_msg>Fixed the coaching page URI<commit_after>---
layout: page
title: Coaching
permalink: /coaching/
---

## Live a Full Life – You Deserve It!

In 2009, after working with the dying for many years, a palliative
carer called <NAME> realized that the people passing away under
her care had five common regrets.

They wished they'd had the courage to live a life true to themselves,
not the life others expected of them.

They wished they hadn't worked so hard, and had instead spent some
time to get to know themselves, their children and their spouses.

They wished that they had the courage to express their feelings,
instead of shoving them down deeper and deeper into their psyche.

They wished they had kept in touch with their friends and hadn't let
those relationships decay.

They wished that they had let themselves be happier.

In other words, they wished they had brought their full self into the
world, instead of shoving it down, shutting it in a room and locking
the door. They wished that they had realized that they are valuable
human beings, and they must treat themselves that way.

When you think into the future, to your last few days in this world,
what would you say your regrets would be? Would you have lived a full
life?

If not, it's okay. I'm here to help you bring your entire self into
the world through self-realization.

## What Is Self-Realization?

Self-realization is realizing your full potential and bringing it into
the world. I'm not talking about just reading, watching, or listening
here – I'm talking about going out there into the world, experiencing
it, and taking action, consciously.

## How Can Coaching Help?

Coaching is *the* best way to accelerate your self-realization. It's like having
a human jetpack, who truly believes in your potential, whose only
agenda is to help you go farther faster.

Don't get me wrong, books, online courses, TED talks, and YouTube
videos are great. I've been an avid reader since I was 13 – at some
point reading as much as 2 books a week!

That stuff expands your horizons. It gives you new ideas you didn't
have before. It helps you reframe an issue you're facing.

But here's what's wrong with them:

- They are general. Some of the advice applies to you, some of it doesn't
- They give you the knowledge, but then you're all on your own. That's why you feel like you're not implementing anything you learned
- They don't help you grow. You grow by synthesizing ideas from your past, thoughts, emotions and body, and putting those ideas into action

In other words, they are just input.

Here is the thing that took me more than a decade to realize: the only way to truly grow is to experience life, and take action.

Let that sink in for a moment, because that sounds like a cliche. Let me show you what I mean.

To truly grow, you have to sit with the gut-wrenching feeling of
failure that makes you feel like a fraud, and find the will power to
get up the next day.

To truly grow, you have to stay with the tears of losing someone or
something you thought you couldn't live without, and find the strength
in yourself to carry on, because the universe certainly doesn't wait
for you.

To truly grow, you have to have a vision that is so daunting it makes
the butterflies in your stomach do a tap dance, and yet, define the
tiniest step forward. And take it.

Compare that with just learning about the things you could do, and then doing *none*.

These are the things that I will help you with. I will help you truly grow, both in your mind and your actions. Here is how:

- I will keep an open space for you to vent. The only way to solve a big issue is first to empty your head
- i will ask questions to help you brainstorm. Ideas kill overwhelm and helplessness
- I will gently nudge you to act before you're ready. Confidence comes from seeing yourself do something you considered impossible, not by spending months until you feel "ready"
- I will help you set actionable objectives that urge you to step out into the world and make your ideas a reality
- I will keep you accountable, so that you make progress every day – even 1% counts

Imagine how it would feel like to improve 1% a day. Imagine that 1%
compounding so you accelerate, and do things you never thought were
possible.

Imagine your self-confidence soaring, not because of feel-good
affirmations you repeat in front of a mirror, but because you can see
yourself growing.

Imagine reading books, watching TED talks, listening to podcasts, and
using what you learn to define your next steps, and taking action on
them.

You're growing, not only in terms of your ideas, but also in terms of
your thinking, feeling, and actions.

Can you feel your heart beginning to race? Can you feel the
exhilarating energy of possibilities?

Now you know how it feels to truly grow. Now you know how it feels
like to have a jetpack.

## Who are you?

You might be stuck today. You might not be doing all that you expect
of yourself.

Maybe you feel like an imposter, like you got where you are by "luck"
or through "coincidences".

Maybe you've done things that you're proud of, but now you feel lost,
adrift, aimless.

Maybe you know where you should go, and you have a hypothetical idea
of how to get there, but you can't seem to move.

But beneath it all, you feel an immense potential, waiting. You dream
of the day when that potential is unlocked, when you can bring your
entire self into the world.

If that's you, you're in the right place.

## Who am I?

Hi. My name is Parham. I'm a completely blind coach, engineering team
lead and developer.

Throughout my life, just like anyone else, I have overcome
adversity. I could go on and on about my achievements and the pain I
went through.

About how I went through higher education despite having no study
books.

About how I got high-paying jobs despite being surrounded by my family
who kept telling me no one will ever hire a blind person.

About how I learned to stand up for myself and marry the woman I love
despite disapproval from my parents.

About how I became so good that Booking.com hired me as an expat and
sponsored me to move to the Netherlands.

About how I led a team that created the solution that was the gateway
to one of the biggest moves in Booking.com's history: to modernize the
way software was written and deployed.

I did all that, but I never had someone who *truly* believed in my
potential, so I didn't believe in myself either.

The result was that I achieved more and more, but not because of
having an impact, growing, or realizing my potential.

I only did it to prove everyone else wrong. "Maybe, if they believe
that I am worthy," I thought, " I myself would also believe it, too."

I never had someone who would call BS on lies I was telling myself. I
never had someone who would remind me that I could dream bigger, and
that I could turn those dreams into reality by doing the smallest
action I could possibly do, every day.

I never had someone who would hold a space of safety and creativity
open for me, so that I could bring in all my problems and worries, and
talk my way through them.

I never had anyone who could reflect my thoughts back to me, so that
I'd realize that the stories I was telling myself make no sense.

I have been reading self-help books since I was thirteen. However,
those books only gave me knowledge, not results. All they gave me were
the "should"s – I could recite how many books <NAME> read in a
day, what <NAME> thought about failure, how I should behave to win
friends and influence people, all the atomic habits I should build and
all that.

But I didn't know how to react when my boss slammed the door in my face.

I didn't know what to do when I failed interview after interview, and
felt like an imposter.

I didn't know what to do when I achieved my biggest dream and came to
the Netherlands and got a high-paying job, and it didn't feel as
rewarding as I had imagined it would. Instead, I felt empty, aimless,
and dangerously close to depression.

In 2018, through one of my managers, I got introduced to coaching for
the very first time.

In a short time, I realized that just by having someone who was
rooting for me, life could be a lot less painful, and I could make
progress a lot faster. My life got transformed, not because anything
changed, but because my coaches helped me see what I could do, that I
was lying to myself, that I had so many resources at my disposal, and
I wasn't allowing myself to use them.

In a couple of weeks, I found out that I wanted to work with people,
and not with code. So we came up with a plan so that I'd be promoted
to a team lead. I started "acting" like a manager, and one day, one of
the seniors in my team asked my manager to promote me.

In only three months, I had unlocked a tiny part of my potential.

That work continues today through working with my coaches. Every day I
get closer to who I truly am. There are good days. There are bad
days. But my coaches help me live through it all with grace.

That's why I believe that coaching *will* transform your life. And I'd
love to show you how.

## How It Works

First, we get on a short 30 minute call to get to know each other in a
conversation. If we feel like we click, we schedule a free,
no-obligation clarity session together that will last 2 hours.

During the clarity session, we go deeper into the areas you like to grow in, and the issues you're facing right now.

At the end of that session, you should feel lighter, happier, and more
in control. You should leave with a high-level action plan of how
we're going to tackle your goals.

If that's not true, I ask you to stop right after that session. I'm
not interested in taking your money without delivering value.

However, if that *is* true, we will collaboratively create a coaching
package, optimized and customized for you. Using an Enneagram
assessment and what we discovered in our clarity session we'll define:

- Number of sessions per month
- The list of your goals in the order you want to tackle them

In every session, you are the one who decides what we discuss. You
could discuss your progress toward your goal. You could discuss a
latest development in your life that scares you, or makes you happy.

My role here is *not* to give you solutions and opinions. My role is
*not* to push you to do something you're not comfortable committing
to. My role is *not* to make a goal for you. I will provide
suggestions and opinions if you want, but it's only when you
explicitly ask for it.

## What You Get

Here is a recap of what you get:

- A coaching package, customized and optimized just for you
- Free two hour coaching session (worth €300)
- Free 1 hour emergency coaching session per month, in case you get stuck and need help fast (worth €150)
- Free bonus: Enneagram report to help you identify your core motivations, strengths, challenges, blind spots and more (worth €100)

If you want to live a full life with your entire being, I'd love to help. Please [get in touch](/contact/).

Whatever you do, don't forget: you're precious. Even if you don't believe it, act as if that was true.

## Not ready yet?

It's okay. Enter your email below to be added to my mailing list. You
can get to know me over time, and reach out when you're ready.

{% include buttondown.html %}

{'fraction_non_alphanumeric': 0.03853802978742211, 'fraction_numerical': 0.0024307243558580457, 'mean_word_length': 3.9180612910236907, 'pattern_counts': {'":': 0, '<': 9, '<?xml version=': 0, '>': 9, 'https://': 0, 'lorem ipsum': 0, 'www.': 0, 'xml': 0}, 'pii_count': 0, 'substrings_counts': 0, 'word_list_counts': {'cursed_substrings.json': 0, 'profanity_word_list.json': 0, 'sexual_word_list.json': 0, 'zh_pornsignals.json': 0}}
{'dir': 'git-commits-cleaned', 'id': '3158973', 'n_tokens_mistral': 5950, 'n_tokens_neox': 5667, 'n_words': 4086}