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twitter 2050 is an enhanced reality experience where you can step into a virtual sweatshop and lecture the workers about their Table Manners
my followers love to Drool & Shit like a bunch of dirty daugs; and they would see me damned to Hell if i cut off their precious content flow
if one more Fucking girl comes on hhere asking for pics of me or my friends feet i`ll shut down my multi-million dollar corporation for good
screaming on the phone with J. dorsey about how Fucked I am if guys with shitty beards keep saying my posts "Have lost their Edge"
taking a deep breath and inhaling all that horrible, pornographic Wi-fi
feeling down??? http://i.imgur.com/cwgRO.jpg
sending people who tell me not to eat romaine lettuce a link to the wikipedia article for The Streisand Effect
i can't post the reason i need a wife from this website by june 30 because that info is private. grow the fuck up. all of u
need some new Christian podcasts to listen to while cruising around in my fake cop car
saturday night at the donut shop and i am very excited to show the boys my new Dance.
"the account has too many jerk off posts on it" "the account has too many posts about going to the toilet. i cant relate to that" fuck yoyu
"Oh I was just PostShitting for laughs" EXactly. And that is why U forever languish in obscurity while i engage brands U could only dream of
seeing a guy on here named "Curtis Blowjobs" , shaking my head and saying "REALLY??" a lot, asking girls in the dms if they can believe this
how many pushups must I do in order to boost my wifi signal
"zelda vs garfield", i mutter as i look at the floor during a job interview
"Son, are you going to beer my Ass? Or are we about to have a mother fucking problem?" it would be very good if tommy lee jones said this
[apps help us day to day in our lifes... but some men have twisted the apps to fulfill their oqwn selfish desires. beware these 'dark apps']
what did Steve Jobs smoke to come up with all his famous ideas
GOD Damn fuckin.. Retro,. classic shit, ah *Face Turns purple and begins crying* sorry. i'm sorry. I'm a dipshit. I'm a fucking idiot
my good new plan is to aquire a storefront, name it "please dont come in here" and jack off inside of it, alone, until i run out of money
win ben steins Pussy
bond theme plays while super spy & ladys man James Bond wanders around the forest with a magnifying glass, searching for the cure for autism
they are going to start calling the damn gas prices "Gasp prices" because thats what i do when i see then
the family gathers around the PC to run a google image search for "invader zim crying"
#momsandbrands now were talkin. can i network here. i'm a normal, real person. i think youre all good #LonelyWantuingDates #GoodAtBrandsAlso
hear this trolls: ive been secretly respecting the flag in the privacy of my garage for 12 hrs a day , maxing out its power to insane levels
the professional youtube reaction man who pays me $3 an hour to scrawl his account name on the walls of womens toilets just died of cholera
enjoying my Microsoft
realdoll corporation accidently sent me a Scarecrow... a sign that I should return to the simple life at my uncle's pumpkin farm?? Probably
i would not discount pua techniqes just b/c girls are wise to them now. for instance,w. a few modifications i can use them to rear pit bulls
I WIL NOT RESTORE THE PSN NETWORK UNTIL ALL 7 HELL MASON BANKERS ARE IN JAIL & THEY BRINGBACK COOKIES N CREME FLAVOR DORITOS
if you like the band "Shinedown" you will love this video of me getting trounced by police officers while demanding to meet them
stop for a moment and think about the most realistic Vagina youve ever seen in your life...
turn on howard stern. he is talking to a policeman habout how tough their job is and that we are proud of him
i truly hate winning the infamous "Darwin Award" by getting bombarded with artillery fire in the Super K-Mart parking lot
(sending image of delicious meal i stole from a group dm to a girl) yeah i ate this
Shut the fuck up abuot Greece
for $500, i'll follow oyu on here and steal your best posts. this is an excellent way to get your foot in the door if you ask me
if it werent for the sport of hockey, nobody would give a shit about pucks
i will not close my account until the sport of golf is rightfully named "golfball" like the other ball sports
daily reminder that i wear a suit and tie daily eeven though I have not set foot in public for over 16 years #GoodBoy #Hansdome
hoping my favorite brands e mail me some more stupid shit today
getting word that the election is now considered "Fucked" by the state attorney after a man reportedly let his dog lick the voting machine
geting AssBlasted for sharing my normal man's perspective, in a world . being fucked hardcore, by goblins, for liking Due Process
my girl beliefs own, my sex beliefs own, my god beliefs own, my page owns, i m always yelled at, im always hacked , im garbage and thank you
working at one of those "Cool offices" that has pinball machines and ping pong tables and dildo launchers and pepole shitting on the floor
The Band Was Originally Called "The Red Hot Chili Diapers" Before A Policeman Said No [citation needed]
"big craps are good". never have is een such a foolhardy sentiment expressed on here. "Big craps are good". Absurd. The words make no sense
u got 1 side saying dogs have paws & the other side saying dogs have hooves..then me, the guy who cuts thru the BS, saying they have Niether
here i am again, screaming into the toilet, hoping somehow, somewhere, my future wife can hear my soothing voice resonate intot her asshole.
ELLEN: But what you're most known for is your use of the infamous N-Word ENTICED AUDIENCE: Wooo !! ME: ahh!! ya got me!
if i do not get my postcount up to 5 digits by the end of this year my peers will forever think im a shit head and my account will be erased
my spinning 3d head rises from a dumpster full of discarded shrimp who were born fucked up by the bp oil spill. eeyaaghhHHH!!! im ALIVE baby
(genuflects as two golden lights come forth from behind me, taking the form of majestic angel wings) i would never hold a seleb at gun point
#TheSaturdayMorningRamble cant do it anymore. the ramble has taken control of my life & my doctor has advised me to stop before it kills me
proposed Meme Graveyard offers chance to pay respect to the very best online jokes and gags. planned to be built on top of regular graveyard
the only time isaid the "N word" i said it with perfect frequency/timing to intercept & cancel out the sound waves of another guy saying it,
i get really upset when matrix haters refer to the greatest cinematic achievement in human history as "bullshit time". youre a fool and liar
im not horny but, lets face the facts people... if youre a girl im gonna click on ya
most undergarments were invented and popularized by religious folk who deemed that jeans and denim were too sacred to touch the ass directly
DELTA FARCE, WITLESS PROTECTION, HEALTH INSPECTOR– THREE INTEGRAL COMPONENTS, PRIDE OF THE ANCIENTS; VITA INFINITUM; LARRY THE ASCENSION GUY
explaining to the boys at the auto shop what the "you know i did it to him" man is iwth the inflection one might use to discipline a child
i would really like to wipe this spilled chili off of me but all my towels are fucked up right now
Wine and stimpy
37 souls who will never again be allowed to engage with my red hot brand, bnecause they posted during hell hour and spat in the face of god
Auh.. Beer! Theres nothing LIKE it! 123 cups of scalding hot Beer on my office desk. Dont spill it now, it's good.
did everoyone else in the unemployment line get one of my favstar printouts? good. i will take my seat on the floor now
mmy appreciation of pat sajaks wardrobe is extremely well known; and is the only aspect of my life that is not shrouded in complete disgrace
ex-con making $3 an hour shoveling diapers into a river "IF THE MEDIA CANCELLS ME FOR MY BELIEFS IM FUCKED"
sorry. i can't come to work today because my fat little penis got blown off by a stick of TNT , in the war we just lost because of me .
i hereby disavow EpicWayne, who now says that my "ears are fucked-up shaped" , and that i "let dildos roll around in the footwell of my car"
congress: youre so good at saying the truthful things in a handsome way. we need you me: Wheres bigfoot. Assholes
miss when the favs were star shaped, instead of heart shaped. the hearts aare just another filthy product of the horny industrial complex
long horn steakhouse should not refuse to honor my coupons just because theyre wet http://t.co/zODZEYLQkY
sponsors are telling me not to post them. but idont give a fuck. im sick of being pushed around. this is my account & thats the bottom word
im going to perler where you arent marched out on a pike just for posting pics of your barbeque setup in the group chat
WHAT THE FUCK IS A " BAPE" ???????????
haha get this, these people on the crisue boats that get stranded, they have to shit ON the boat, and sometimes they even touch the shit!!!!
WHOSE COCK DO I HAVE TO SUCK TO GET SOME DORSEY-CERTIFIED BLUE CHECK MARKS AROUND HERE . WHOSE UGLY WIFE DO I HAVE TO FUCK
Showtime. Feel the sweat on your palms. Face the hideous, bloodthirsty crowd. All eyes on you. It's all or nothing. It's #TheThurdayNiteRant
im ready to show all of you my trick. watch *spreads arms and screams at the mountainside until an avalanche of boulders engulf me entirely*
if some one said some shit to me like "Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo" i would not be able to contain my rage. i would completely lose my shit.
should go without saying but, if they show j. bezos penis on the news i will postpone the showing of my penis, to avoid confusing followers.
search "crash bandicoot is real" >> Did you mean "Crash Bandicoot Israel"? search "no"
startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no
two thunbs down for ebert's fucked up new mouth
i just divined a glimpse of everyone who has ever unfollowed me talking at the bar, laughing about how bad my posts are & i fucking screamed
scuse me i gotta check this...ah, looks like my retweet was reblogged bty chief tech editor of Reader's Digest (yea hes verified). solid mag
i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark
IVE ALWAYS SAID IT !! the people we see of today are somewhat more known to care more of their Face Book Status, than their Brain Status .
http://t.co/MTn35r91 a solid hour of this
dunce cap prophylactic
so apparently if you take all of the autism awareness puzzle piece car decals and put them together you get a cool pic of yoshi as a girl
alright now. just checking to see if there's any interest in a livestream of me speed running this entire bottle of hunts tomato ketchup
just thinking of how wild things would get if i were to bust out a bottle of wine with the flintstones logo on the label.....
having a "small penis day" so i would appreciate it if my followers could send me some jewels or maybe some golden statues
when i see shit on the news saying we lost 50000 jobs for w/e reason, i say damn... i couldve scored some of those jobs, if they werent Lost
mister one million dollars http://t.co/sAWxBXp7qK
emerging from dissociative fugue as husky teen w/frosted tips, striped polo, red shorts, nokia N-gage, unusually hot mom, above ground pool,
my screen play explores the question: what if master cheif smoked a big cigarette from the year 3000 that worked through his space suit