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I know this probably isn't the right subreddit for this but I literally can't think of any other one that would fit this kind of story. Anyway, to start the story, I(F 13), my sister and at least one of my parents go to a charity house about once a month,(think of it like a Ronald Macdonald house.) My friends mom host this usually so that's the main reason we go. Anyway, my friend, let's call her Ashley, has a brother that also comes to this charity event, who brought a friend, let's call him Jerry(16m), who right off the bat seemed like the class clown type, loud, cracking bad jokes constantly, that guy. I didn't really pay him any mind at first, though my friend kept going over to his section(he was serving people, me and my friend were cooking, sorta) because he kept talking to her across the kitchen. He eventually came over to our section with Ashley's brother after they were done serving, and everything seemed normal, though I wasn't saying much because I'm anti-social and don't really know how to talk to people. After everyone was done cooking and all the people we were serving were mostly gone, we were allowed to seat down and eat the leftovers. I sat down with Ashley, her brother, and Jerry. I was still mostly quiet, only really piping up when I was acknowledged. Jerry was making weird comments all throughout the dinner, like making comments about his ex girlfriend and how she was "insane and crazy" and making jokes about how he was so desperate for a girlfriend, but the main reason I really started to feel uncomfortable was when he made a comment about me, saying that when he was talking to Ashley and serving people, he "jokingly" asked her if he should come over and flirt with me(read: see ages) he said that he asked that because apparently after he broke up with his ex his friend said he should just flirt with every girl he sees. he also kept shipping me and Ashley's brother, which though it isn't as a big of a deal to me,(because me and him are actually close in ages) it was still really embarrassing. Ashley didn't seem to pick up how uncomfortable I was, which I guess I don't really expect her to, but still. Anyway, what I am trying to ask is if I should stay away from this guy, because I really don't know if it's that serious. My sister has also said that the few incounters shes had with this guy have also made her uncomfortable, so shes on my sideThanks for your help, and if you have any suggestions on another subreddit this story might fit better, I would appreciate it. Quick edit: I am actually anti-social, I also have pretty severe social anxiety, that's why I didn't speak much. Just to clear up confusion.

Ok-Nobody9254

WIBTA for avoiding this guy the next time I see him?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hz82u/wibta_for_avoiding_this_guy_the_next_time_i_see/

17hz82u

My gf does a lot of combat sports and obstacle course type workout classes. She goes to gyms that have American ninja style equipment and goes to kickboxing classes. She was her state’s champion wrestler in middle school and played rugby in high school. The problem is I’m a 6’2 mixed guy (white dad black mom) and people who don’t know us give me looks when she wears clothing without sleeves or when she gets bruises on her neck or face. Everyone who knows her knows she gets this from her workouts. Her dad jokes it looks like she loses a lot of her matches and they laugh about it but to strangers it looks very sketchy especially when we are walking and holding hands. I’ve told her to wear makeup out and put on long sleeves and to cover her chest completely because otherwise it looks telling to anyone who looks at us together. But she is stubborn and thinks it’s too much trouble to constantly be hiding her bruises and likes to show of her admittedly very nice figure from the sports she does. She now wears makeup to cover if there is bruising on her face but she won’t wear it on her neck because she finds it a pain and thinks it not a big deal. No one has said anything in public but I’ve gotten dirty looks before.

Fun-Specific1554

AITA for demanding my gf wear makeup or put on clothes?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hzeqz/aita_for_demanding_my_gf_wear_makeup_or_put_on/

17hzeqz

Context: I (17f) had a stepmom for about 5 years. My entire family lived together, a multi-generational family of 6. My stepmother left about a month and a half ago. I have been VLC for now with her because of the way she left, on my moms' anniversary, and some stuff she took from me, stuff I or my bio mom bought. I recently had my senior pictures taken, my grandmother spent a lot of money on them, and I'm greatly appreciative of it. She admitted to me that she sent my pictures to my ex stepmother. Today I found out more stuff she took from me or destroyed, some very, very nice silk scarves that I've had since childhood and a game I bought and paid for. I went in and, to my perspective, calmly asked my grandmother to not share information or pictures about/of me with my stepmother till i got over my issues with her and was ready to talk with her.. She's now really angry with me for "asking her not to talk with HER daughter" and with my bio-mom, her ACTUAL daughter, for bringing stepmother into our home. She came outside where I was going through things to yell at and berate me and then at my mom. I don't feel I did anything wrong but everyone else thinks I did. Am I the Asshole for trying to set that boundary?

Hells_Nymphs

AITA Am I really the asshole for what I perceive to be setting boundaries?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hzest/aita_am_i_really_the_asshole_for_what_i_perceive/

17hzest

I (22M), live with my Mother, Father and sister. My father is a truck driver, so he's always away from home for weeks. Everytime he's back, he is tired and that is understandable. Most of the time he is also stressed since he has to deal with a lot of nasty people and his job is demanding as it is. I work at an ISP, taking care of the storage, equipments, materials and the archive, so i have a lot of responsabilities in my hands even if it isn't really that demanding on the body. In july the guy who works with me broke his arm over the weekend. My vacations that would happen in august or september had to be delayed, he'll only be able to come back in december. Due to that, a lot of work is piling up even until now, after almost 3 months. I'm feeling extremely tired,.but my father fails to notice that. Both me and my father are not the most communicative types, but i keep to myself, and he likes to rant and complain about his work and how tired he is. After lunch, i went to bed to rest for a bit and decompress. My father comes into my room and starts ranting, how i don't help my mother with chores in the house, just sit on my PC all day and do nothing useful around, i'm lazy and need to do more. I got upset, but kept quiet. I dislike confrontation, even more if it's with my father, he's stubborn, thinks he's always right, the type of person who's unable to apologise. Mother noticed i was upset, but didn't asked anything about it until monday, after my father left to work again. Right before i went for my own work, she asked "What's the problem?", i told her she shouldn't concern herself with it, she already has a lot on her plate with father, but she kept going. I told her I was annoyed with father, he always lashes out and relieve his own stress on others. She laughed, said that i shouldn't mind, he didn't mean it. At that point, all the stress built up to my limit overflowed, i snapped. I went on a rant about how i work, just as he does, i feel tired and angry just as he does, i feel stressed and have feelings just as everyone does and i don't need to put up with that crap. I went to work and didn't even listened to her. A few minutes after i arrived at work, my father sends me a voice message, mad at me for lashing out at my mother and tells me that i shouldn't be upset and some other rants that i don't really remember. At that point i'm crying out of anger while on my desk, thankfully away from the gossipers from work. I left him unanswered. 10 minutes later, in a calmer tone, he sent a voice message again for me to get over it and calm down. After that i had a talk with my mother when i got back home, told her about all the stuff i was keeping to myself and got to feel a bit better and apologised to her, it's not her fault, even if i can't stand to her defending his behavior, but i'm still angry at my father and don't want to talk to him. AITA?

ThrowAwayVeggiesX99

AITA for being annoyed with my father after being offended?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hzgg1/aita_for_being_annoyed_with_my_father_after_being/

17hzgg1

I (20F) live with my two older sisters (23,28). I do not have my license but my sisters share a newer SUV between themselves. We split expenses every month, and now they’re asking me to split the expenses related to the car (~$300-$400 per person) because they can’t afford it and are saying that since they use it to buy groceries I should pay for it too. They also drive me 1-2 times a week to places that they were going to as well (never specifically driving for me). AITA for saying that I shouldn’t have to share this expense. I would be totally okay if they got rid of their car and we all had to bus. We live within walking distance to a grocery store, and there’s also Instacart.

Technical_Act_5991

AITA Don’t Want to Pay for the Car

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hznto/aita_dont_want_to_pay_for_the_car/

17hznto

My girlfriend and I recently moved into a house together. We signed for the house 3 months before it was built so we had some time to plan how to use the space. I wanted to have an office where I can have a space for myself. I am a huge collector with many different hobbies so I wanted to have a space big enough to display it all. We have a 3 story townhouse with a bedroom sized basement space that is roughly 2x bigger than the upstairs bedrooms. I wanted to take the basement space as an office and offered her one of the spare bedrooms for an office space for herself. She initially thought this was unfair that I was getting the bigger space and she was getting the smaller space so I compromised to switch so she can have the basement. I agreed so that I can at least have some space for myself and I can downsize my hobby collection accordingly for the space. Just before we moved in, she changed her mind and allowed me to use the basement for my office so I was able to use the space how I wanted to and she took the smaller bedroom office upstairs. A year later, I brought up the idea of adding a shelf for more space to display some of my collection, but she felt that it was unfair that I was using a space that should be a "shared space" and I should have been more considerate initially and the basement should have been a communal space rather than using it all by myself. Was I not being considerate enough when we agreed that I use the bigger space as a personal office?

betterluckie

AITA for using the bigger space in our home as a personal office?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hzo5c/aita_for_using_the_bigger_space_in_our_home_as_a/

17hzo5c

My sons have been receiving gifts from their paternal grandmother (my ex-MIL for over 12 years) through the post office for about 7 years. She lives in another state. She has always sent confetti in the envelope. Since I expect it, I'm careful in how I have my kids open mail from her. I noticed in the last couple of years that the confetti is now just glitter and impossible to clean up. She even sent the kids dollar bills for every year of their age but twisted it into knots and taped confetti pockets to the ropes of cash within the envelopes. Essentially, the money (gift) was in a booby trap of glitter and we are still cleaning it up months later. My boys think the glitter is annoying. But knowing her, this stunt is intended to harass me, not them. Plus we have dogs that we have had to keep out of that room so they don't inhale the glitter and spread it around even more. I know from experience that if I ask her to stop, she will ignore me and do whatever she wants anyway. She has been this way for 20 years. The post office says it is not illegal to send glitter or money through the mail. They did say I can report it to the police since it was sent with malicious intent to harass but she is in another state so I don't think that would do anything. I can also not accept it. At this point, I see behavior as crossing boundaries and want to return her packages unopened from now on; the kids are OK with it. They would prefer a thoughtful card over glitter packages filled with a few dollar bills anyway. WIBTA in returning her "gifts" unopened in the future?

OraclePenumbra

WIBTA - Return to Sender Booby Trapped Mail?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hzpib/wibta_return_to_sender_booby_trapped_mail/

17hzpib

I (29m) work at a pizza place. We have a great work environment and we all get along pretty well. I have a coworker (17f) Betty who’s been working with us for a year. Betty comes to work late pretty much every other shift and every time she comes in late to work she always walks in and immediately starts complaining to us that she’s late because either her mom forgot to pick her up, her mom didn’t want to give her a ride or simply her mom just forgot about her. There’s also so many times after we close that we have to either wait for her mom to pick her up 15 to 30 minutes past her shift or someone ends up having to take her home with her mothers permission. This past week Betty got her drivers license and the day before she actually was able to borrow her mom’s car and take it to work. Today she was running late because her mom had to give her a ride. When she showed up I asked her why she wasn’t able to borrow her moms car again today and she said that her mom might end up making plans in between her shift and might be needing the car. When Betty said this she said it with a very teen girl annoyed tone and seemed upset that her mom couldn’t let her use her car. In response I jokingly said you always make your mom sound like an evil stepmother or that you’re an unwanted stepchild. Immediately she got pretty upset with that response and said no I love my mom. I told her that I don’t doubt that you love your mom or that your mom loves you, I only hear pretty negative things about your mom from you and that’s all I can base my opinion on. For example she’s told us how her mom was gonna pay for her to go to prom and ended up spending the money on herself and Betty had to pay for everything herself. She then said again that she loves her mom and that when her father died her mom raised her as a single mother all on her own. Again I said I know you love your mom and that your mom loves you I’m just trying to say that you always make her sound like a villain when you come into work and maybe you should say nicer things about her. Later I saw her in my managers office with my manager crying. I felt so bad for making this kid cry but I wasn’t sure as to why she was so upset when I’m basically just telling her the things she tells us about her mom. I apologized for making her cry and told her that it wasn’t my intention to get her so upset. I told her she doesn’t have to accept my apology but that I am really sorry for getting her upset and she said it’s okay while crying and walked away. It’s the next day at work and all my coworkers are telling me that I’m such a dick and that I’m an asshole and I do agree with them for making her cry, however I don’t feel bad for what I said because I only said what my viewpoint on her mom was from Betty’s own complaints she tells us every other day and that nothing I said was out of malicious intent. Am I the asshole?

Pizza_Guy2023

AITA for making my 17year old coworker cry by telling her she’s an unwanted stepchild?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hzplw/aita_for_making_my_17year_old_coworker_cry_by/

17hzplw

Start the story with the PD he was lovely.. then he started to make me feel stupid.. anyway we were planning a date.. the night before I was meant to meet him, things changed again, he saw a picture of me in a dress and was making strange comments and it made me feel uneasy, I asked him to stop and then he started with the “you are a gaslighter and a belittler” and that “he was a genuine and lovely guy.” He then said he needed a night off from talking (fair enough..) I text him the next day to say I didn’t want to meet him because if I was being what he said, I didn’t want to upset him more. He said he totally understands and he wanted to forget about it, as it was a new day! I said it would take me time to get over the comments and I felt like crap.. thought that would be the end of that.. clearly not, he made me feel guilty for feeling upset over what he called me and for saying I didn’t feel comfortable going on a date with him. He then kept saying if it isn’t reciprocated I should just tell him, I did and he lost his temper saying it was all getting too much and then said good luck with my life.. just to add on he would offer his help but it didn’t feel like help and if I explained it he would be like well I was offering but you clearly didn’t see it.. he got annoyed when I said if it’s a question put a question mark on it.. My head hurts! I’m sure yours will too.

Safe_Respect8769

AITA? Or gaslighter or belittler?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i0b7p/aita_or_gaslighter_or_belittler/

17i0b7p

My wife has ADHD and I have ASD, so we have always been misaligned between our ways of thinking and interacting. We love each other very much, but have trouble communicating sometimes. I'm very logical and have difficulty changing track once I'm on it. She's scatterbrained but extremely creative, so she gets frustrated with me when I'm trying to understand something, because it can take me awhile. She's also very stubborn and will rarely admit when she's wrong about something, but we usually find a way to settle our fights with a commitment to listen to each other better. However, a recurring problem we've had is with what we call her "squirrel brain." She puts things down and then forgets they exist, and she can be sloppy with things I consider important. I'm careful and methodical -- I have to be, because I'm physically clumsy. I will hurt myself if things are left in a mess (even when it's my own mess), so personal safety is really big with me. And she knows that. Lately her new hyperfocus is sewing. This comes with lots of sharp edges -- scissors, needles, blades. A few weeks ago she was snapping a dull end off her utility knife. A few days later I found a blade segment under the table. I got extremely upset by her lack of care. It's one thing to leave clothes or random papers and junk around. But she knows that I'll find a way to stub my toe on a nerf ball, so can she even imagine what would happen had I stepped on a razor blade? We had a fight. She insisted she'd been careful, and had in fact disposed of the blade -- she insisted on showing me the piece in the sharps container -- and that this piece must have flown off without her seeing when she snapped it. My stance is that you should look around and make sure, then clean up your working area--she would have seen it had she done so. She refused to apologize, so I gathered up the razors and keep them on my desk so I can keep track of when she's using one. A few weeks later, I found a stitch ripper on the couch, about to disappear between the cushions. She said it must have fallen out of her pocket, and that it wasn't a problem because it had its cap screwed on. All I could see was what if someone sat on it and got stabbed?? I got incensed, and told her the ONLY thing I wanted to hear was an apology. I said that if it happened again I would gather up her sewing supplies and take them to the dump, since she wasn't responsible enough to handle them like an adult. She apologized, but then said that if I did that she'd insist I reimburse her for them. I said that wouldn't be happening -- this is the first thing that's ever gotten her to actually apologize for her thoughtlessness. Now she's talking about how she can't trust me not to destroy her things, how she doesn't feel safe keeping stuff she values in her own home. I said that it wouldn't happen if she'd just be more careful. Then she told me she's considering breaking us up over this after 15 years of marriage. AITA?

Aardvark_throwaway

AITA for threatening to throw out my wife's sewing supplies if she isn't more careful with them?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i0y3d/aita_for_threatening_to_throw_out_my_wifes_sewing/

17i0y3d

My (30F) partner (24NB - they/them) has POTS/dysautonomia. This is a condition that affects the autonomic nervous system (ie the parts of your body you don't control, like blood pressure, body temperature, heart rate etc). They were diagnosed about a 8 months into our relationship and its made doing things together rather difficult. They can't stand for long periods of time and get short of breath doing "normal" tasks (like brushing hair). Since their diagnosis, I've done immense amounts of research on how to help the condition itself, as well as be a supportive partner for someone with a chronic illness. And just to clarify the title, they call themselves "disabled", this is not a title i am assigning them. That said, i bought a season pass to Cedar Point (known for its roller coasters) and get to bring a person in for free each time i visit. They asked if they could come with me next time, to which i said no and now they are upset because i'm making the choice on what they can/cannot handle on behalf of them. since being diagnosed, i have seen them constantly push themselves too far past their limits (almost refusing to accept that they have this condition) and as a result, they end up having a flair up and either come close to passing or actually pass out. I'm trying to be supportive and definitely dont want to make decisions for them, but at the same time an amusement park (which involves both standing/walking for long periods of time AND rides that raise your heart rate) is the worst place for someone with this condition. Another note: i do a lot of things alone, so its not uncommon for me to go to an amusement park alone. i would understand more if i was going with a group of people and everyone was bringing their partners and such, but when i go again, its just going to be me (or the two of us). Am i the asshole for not wanting to bring them?

LocalEuphoric5151

AITA for not inviting my disabled partner?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i15ky/aita_for_not_inviting_my_disabled_partner/

17i15ky

I (14F) started high school. So far, I like all teachers except my drama teacher and guidance counsellor. In 7th grade, I had this teacher who just seemed to absolutely hate me. If I had to guess why, I think it was because I am not good at visual arts and she and her favorites are. There were multiple instances of her yelling and screaming at me and others for very trivial things and being very rude. One time math homework was page 65 in our workbooks; however, she has an accent, so I ended up doing page 65 and 69 by mistake. She saw I went ahead. She dragged me into the halls and yelled in my face about how I was being "so disrespectful". She also screamed "this is a workbook not a practice book". She then proceeded to say I shouldn't think I'm so smart because I was going to fail the upcoming math tests (I've always been an A student in math). I got perfect scores and she looked so mad as she was handing them back. Her favorites made similar mistakes, but she'd praise them for "getting ahead" instead of shouting at them. Another time, we had a photo essay Bristol board assignment where we each had to bring in a "non-fiction" book for it. At the last minute, as we discuss it, she suddenly changes the instructions to "non-fiction except biography". Another boy and I brought in biographies. Luckily, I lied to her and she didn't bother checking. The poor other boy got detention even though she simply only said "non-fiction". We had a school library with non-fiction books but we weren't allowed to use it for the assignment for some reason. She said we wouldn't get points off if our photos were sticking out of the bristol board. However, when she had a meeting with me about it, she said I got points off for that and berated me for it. She also compared my work to other students work and talked about their grades compared to mine. The whole time, she was screaming and I was crying because I have anxiety. I tried to be silent and respectful as I was anxious about the meeting but as soon as she saw me cry she said "Stop that behavior NOW!" Also, unrelated but semi-related, she used to teach 1st grade. Luckily, I didn't have her for 1st grade but people who did didn't like her. I also heard that parents of the 1st graders complained so they moved her to the 7th grade. Also, whenever the kindergarteners would get in trouble, they would be sent to her room where they would sit at a table with her and she would just yell at them. She still taught me some subjects in 8th grade. I wrote a diss song and everyone sang and danced. Then in 9th grade drama, I sang it and explained the story. Drama teacher didn't like it as he snitched on me to the counsellor. The counsellor then said that I must forgive her. The counsellor is friends with the teacher so there must be some bias there. Also, the high school is religious, so that's why she preaches forgiveness. Also, if you force forgiveness, then it won't be genuine at all. AITA?

No-Limit7980

AITA for not forgiving my teacher?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i1748/aita_for_not_forgiving_my_teacher/

17i1748

My fiancé (25M) and I (22F) are having problems with his family, and don't know where to take it from here. My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years and are getting married next summer. We are paying for our own wedding to avoid opinions. My fiancé has a twin sister and 2 other older sisters. In an attempt to explain his dynamic with his mother quickly, my fiancé often refers to her jokingly as his “business partner” as their relationship is a bit cold. I have previously had a great relationship with his parents. It's also important to understand our relationship with my fiancé’s twin sister. We have never been close due to some situations and personality traits. The vibe is very holier-than-though. I will attempt to describe some of many instances that describe my fiancé and I’s challenges with his twin. While my fiancé and her attended the same college, she would take a nap and my fiancé would be expected to pick up her car, get her groceries, fill her car with gas, and then return it to her. She did not learn to pump her own gas until she was 21. She found out about some of my fiancé’s exciting new job opportunities and had her husband apply for all the same jobs in hopes that he would get them instead. She is now recently married with a baby. Following our engagement, his family immediately started asking who was going to be in the wedding party. We discussed including family and concluded that we both wanted each other to have whoever they wanted in order to be comfortable on our wedding day. I chose not to have his sisters as we were not close and he was on board. Long story short, I have moved out of state and my fiancé’s family found out that the sisters, especially his twin, were not bridesmaids & were hysterical. His parents accused us of things such as making his twin cry so hard that she wasn’t sleeping and that we worsened her stomach condition to the point where she had to go to the hospital. They met with their priest about us. His parents informed my fiancé that I was “showing my true colors,” will “control and manipulate him my whole life,” and that he should “think long and hard about this wedding.” They told us that “as long as his twin was happy, everyone was happy.” They informed my fiancé that he needed to “muscle up” to me and stand up for his sister. Through all of this, my fiancé was heartbroken and furious at his family for talking about me in such a way and for treating us like this. A lot came after this and I haven’t seen them in months, even when I come home to town. Where we currently stand is that: \-Dad and fiancé are on speaking terms and though he hasn’t apologized but is now constantly telling my fiancé how much he loves me \-His mother and sister won’t talk to him or I I have not seen or spoken to his parents or his twin since this and don’t know if I should suck it up and get seeing them over with before the wedding or not. AITA for creating this drama when we previously had a great relationship?

Omaha_Yellow_4

AITA for not having my fiancé's twin as a bridesmaid?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i1bft/aita_for_not_having_my_fiancés_twin_as_a/

17i1bft

Hello! I (19f) and my roommate (17f) have been roommates for a while now, we met back in August and haven’t really talked much. We have a few minor problems here and there but it’s just mostly things like I set the AC to high (I’ve since fixed this habit and just leave it at room temp now) or setting too many alt alarms in the mornings due to needing to wake up for my 8ams (I also now only set one alarm now). In comparison she leaves all the lights on in the dorm and I have to call maintenance to fix them (this has happened twice and it’s still a thing) and she takes like three hour showers where it makes it impossible to get anything unless it’s before or after. I will admit this is my fault for not addressing the issues like she does but I also don’t want to be overwhelming. However I am now rethinking having not been so assertive md communicative as recently, one of our dressers flopped over and everything on it spilled onto the floor. This occurred on a day she was visiting back home and I just put everything back where it was (both my stuff and hers) and assumed all was fine. As of yesterday she went back home (it’s been a week since this happened) and she has texted me “I don’t know if it was you or one of your guests and I don’t know why you wouldn’t tell me but that’s besides the point, I need a replacement it was $65” which I responded with a “? What are you talking about?” And she said her mirror. I want to make it clear I I PLAN on paying her the $65. I remember putting everything back on the dresser and at least one side of the mirror looked fine to me, but I never actually looked at the other side. I don’t know if a side is broken or if a button isn’t working I haven’t seen the mirror since she took it home. Due to how unaware I am of it’s damage and if I actually broke it I am willing to pay for it. My family and friends are saying otherwise and are arguing i would’ve heard it shatter or seen shards of glass (but I’m just thinking the floor is carpet and maybe it’s like a crack and not it being shattered) and that if I pay for it I’m basically admitting to having broken it. One if not both of us are set to get new dorm rooms in December and probably going to get new roommates so as much as I dislike her in my mind I’m just thinking I should just keep the peace until then and suck it up. With that being said, I am still conflicted. It’s my first year of college and I already am very stressed out as is in trying to maintain my grades and trying to prioritize other things and I just don’t know how worth it this would be to say “no I won’t pay you back” if I already texted her I would and possibly get an RA involved. It’s just too much hassle I don’t know if this is worth, but I also don’t want to be an idiot so any advice is greatly appreciated!

Thenonsense17

WIBTA if I don’t pay my roommate’s broken mirror?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i1cfh/wibta_if_i_dont_pay_my_roommates_broken_mirror/

17i1cfh

I have a buddy in our group of 4 friends let's call him Lucas. He's the guy who finally got to date this social science department belle let's call her Jen. From my perspective, everything seemed to sail smoothly judging from their IG posts and statuses. So this is when things went south. Around 2 months after they started dating, Lucas sort of stressed out and constantly texting and calling Jen. I figured out something went wrong with their relationship since Lucas can get a little crazy like his toxic behaviour when playing games. That night, Jen called and said Lucas got totally drunk from the nearby bar and had to be taken home by us. I asked her why he's in such state. She was hesitant to answer but implied that she said something upsetting to Lucas so I didn't press any more. Two days later, Lucas noticeably began distancing himself from us. Right after our 4pm class finished, Lucas and I went to the playground as usual when out of no where began to bombard me with ridiculous accusations. He accused me of: 1. Me secretly meeting Jen and vice versa 2. Claimed that I slept with her 3. Accused me of bad friend for doing these things to him 4. Rambling about our HS years detailing all the girls he liked, were into me and his previous HS ex was my "leftover" for him as a friend Yeah, I had to process that to figure out what's going on. He finally made the grand reveal that he overhead Jen talking with her friends in the bar about how she actually liked me first but was sort of had to date Lucas for a while. He confronted Jen and demanded her if she's telling the truth. Jen told him it was true but she genuinely likes Lucas now but this didn't convince Lucas hence his drunken incident that night. I was lost for words and I feel like I'm in this weird center of troubles. Jen said she wanted talk in person and apologize but I rather not make things went way further south so I just said it's alright and please try to have this sort out between you guys. There were other multiple incidents which added to this situation but I figure I just wrote what I really can remember.

Dan_Baronn

AITA for wanting to get away from my friend's relationship problem ?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i1et9/aita_for_wanting_to_get_away_from_my_friends/

17i1et9

My (28F) friend Sophie (27F) recently had a baby about a month and a half ago. Throughout her pregnancy I would text and call her to see how she was doing and be that extra ear if she needed someone to talk to. I wanted to make sure she had all the necessities she needed for her baby, so I did a final check of her baby registry to see what items were still needed. I got a playpen, stroller and car seat, bottles, diaper bag, sound machine and custom made shirts for all of them. It was not for the acknowledgement or bragging rights. I honestly just wanted to make sure they had what they needed. About 2 weeks after she had the baby, I asked her if I would be able to visit them in about a month. I live in a different state so I needed to book a flight and arrange my 4 day stay. I wanted to visit before her maternity leave ended. She confirmed that this visit would be okay and was excited for me to come visit. Right before I purchased my ticket I double checked with her again and she once again confirmed that she wanted me to visit. A month after I purchased my ticket it was time for my trip. The baby was a month and a half old and my friend continued to tell me she wanted me to meet her baby. On my first day there, she told me I couldn't come yet because she was busy being a mom and could not hang out out yet. I understood and asked if she was available the next day which happened to be her birthday. She said she was. The following day on her birthday I wished her a happy birthday and told her if she's still available to let me know when I can stop by and that there was no rush. She told me she would get back to her place at 4 and that she would text me to come over. I told her no problem and waited for her text. She text me almost 3 hours after 4 that her family surprised her with a birthday dinner and that she could no longer hang out. I understood because it was her birthday, but I was slightly annoyed because she waited so late to say something. We arranged to go to brunch the following day at 11. She called me at 9 to tell me that the baby was fussy and couldn't come to brunch. I understiod because things happen. She proceeded to tell me that she would take me to see the baby after. I of course was excited and agreed. We had brunch and everything was going amazingly. I paid for it as a late birthday gift. After she told me that the baby was going to be asleep if I went and that she didn't want me to be bored. She also said that she had to run errands. She dropped me back off at the hotel, gave me a hug, and told me to have a safe flight. I smiled at her and told her to have a safe flight. I honestly feel very disrespected. This isn't the first time something like this has happened and I'm quite frustrated. I wasn't trying to impose myself on her that's why I asked ahead of time. For context her boyfriend's friends (out of state) have met the baby. So AITA?

pinkgoddess0802

AITA for being over this friendship?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i1evo/aita_for_being_over_this_friendship/

17i1evo

I (23f) just moved back to my home town, I’ve been here for about 2 weeks tops. I’ve been trying to avoid my mom (40sumthing) at all costs. I feel terrible saying that but it’s the truth. I love her, but I can’t stand her. Any way, a couple of days ago she texted me asking if “since you’re finally home, would you be willing to make me a door dash account now” so she can use it to make money again. My mom is a hard drug user. She has been addicted for 15 years or so so there’s nothing new there. She doesn’t have a license so that’s why I’m being asked. Her only other source of income is (you guessed it) prostitution. I hate that for her, but I also don’t care enough to make her an account. A couple of days ago, she came over to my sisters house for dinner (I’m staying with my sister) I heard them chatting about something so I decided I’d go join in. My mom immediately asks me if I “thought anymore about making the account”. I said not really and walked out. She left shortly after dinner was done. I really don’t want to make the account, mainly because I don’t know what liability that puts me under purposefully making an account that I know I’m not using. I refuse to get into any legal trouble on her behalf. I also just don’t want that hassle right now. I haven’t even moved into my apartment yet and I’m already being badgered. It’s annoying and that’s part of the reason I stayed away for so long. I’m always being asked for stuff and when I say no I’m the bad guy. When my mom left my sister came over to me and we chatted a bit, she told me mom told her to convince me to make one, but that she said if she doesn’t want to that there’s nothing she can do. Yay, someone finally gets my side…. Wrong! My sister says “I mean, if I had a license I would do it, grandma let her use hers, but she was banned, but she uses it for money ya know” I just kept my mouth shut and changed the subject. Idk, I feel bad, but I also don’t care enough, but do feel like I may be pressured into it. So Reddit, AITA?

happygems11785

AITA for not wanting to make a Uber eats/ door dash account for my mom?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i1ftr/aita_for_not_wanting_to_make_a_uber_eats_door/

17i1ftr

My (21M) mom (42F) has this tradition where she invites all of her children and their partners to sleep over at her house on the night before thanksgiving. Then, on Thanksgiving day, everyone wakes up early in the morning and helps to cook the big meal and decorate the Christmas tree. My partner (22) of 2 years and I have participated in this tradition since we started dating, along with my brother (23M) and my sister (9F). However, this year things have started to come to a head between my partner and my mom. For context, my mom (42) and my partner “Sam” (22) do not get along due to fundamental differences. While Sam has mostly tried to be cordial towards my mom, it always seemed like some kind of conflict would arise between them every now and then. For example, my mom believes that Sam should be helping me pay for my education, tolls, and insurance and Sam feels that they are not responsible for large expenses such as those. My mom also thinks that Sam should be pushing me harder to prioritize school/work and, while Sam does encourage me to study/work hard, they don’t believe that it’s their obligation to stay on top of my life like a parent. These differences came to a head a couple weeks back, when I ended up missing my mom’s birthday party. She had a conversation with me the next day, where she told me that she felt that Sam was keeping me from my family and that they were manipulative and a bad influence. She discussed this with my brother as well, who also expressed the same feelings. When I relayed this to Sam, they told me that they felt that my family was the toxic one and that they no longer wished to participate in my mom’s thanksgiving tradition. Things became even more tense when my mom showed up unexpectedly at our apartment on Sunday. She tried to vent to me about how Sam was keeping me away from my family and that they were crazy and needed mental help. She also made a couple of offensive comments about Sam’s race and upbringing but I don’t know if it’s against the rules to go into detail about them here. She tried to speak with Sam but they refused, telling me that they did not have to put themselves in a “verbally ab*sive situation” to appease my mom. My mom ended up leaving, but not before telling me that she would still like me and Sam to attend her thanksgiving party. I let Sam know about it and they told me that I was free to attend the party but of course they would feel some way about it. I honestly do not want to attend mom’s party, but she is currently helping to pay for my 6-month coding camp and i feel that she might withhold that financial assistance if I decide not to show up. I talked to my dad about the issue as well (they’ve been divorced for 10+ years) and he feels that it’s in my best interest to appease my mom until I graduate since we all know how she’s like. So, WIBTA? Edit to add: I now realize that the way i described my moms conversation with me made it sound like it was a civil discussion. It was not. When she showed up to our apartment, she was essentially screaming at me the entire time. Just wanted to clarify the actual tone of her confrontation.

THROWRA_bestfrien

WIBTA if I went to my mom’s thanksgiving house party?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i1ngd/wibta_if_i_went_to_my_moms_thanksgiving_house/

17i1ngd

I'm living in regional QLD in a unit where my neighbor over the back fence has a kid that constantly shouts and screams I notice it mostly after 9pm because that is when I turn my telly off and start to head to bed. It sounds like they are in my house, I could close all my windows and doors but this would mean I would need to use aircon, and why should I? Over the past few months, I have approached their REA and submitted noise complaints via the police link page and it certainly gets better for a few days to a week then the behaviour continues I know their REA has phoned them and emailed them. Last night after a couple of hours of this screaming and shouting (not distressed crying or anything it's just non-speech loud noises) I stormed over there at 1230ish and kind of lost it and ended up shouting at the bloke and telling him to keep the noise down because it's well after midnight and I am trying to sleep. He was actually apologetic about it but as far as I'm concerned he has had ample opportunity to address this issue and has chosen not to. I'm also at a loss as to why a baby would be awake at 1am in the morning, I suspect they keep it up all night so they can sleep late but their parenting is their business, my sleep is my concern as I wake up at 6am to head to work. Last night after a couple of hours of this screaming and shouting (not distressed crying or anything it's just non-speech loud noises) I stormed over there at 1230ish and kind of lost it and ended up shouting at the bloke and telling him to keep the noise down because it's well after midnight and I am trying to sleep. He was actually apologetic about it but as far as I'm concerned he has had ample opportunity to address this issue and has chosen not to. I'm also at a loss as to why a baby would be awake at 1 am in the morning, I suspect they keep it up all night so they can sleep late but their parenting is their business, my sleep is my concern as I wake up at 6am to head to work. What would you do?

jadma1981

AITA for savaging my neighbor over their toddler who regularly (near every night) screams and shouts between 9pm and 1am

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i1or8/aita_for_savaging_my_neighbor_over_their_toddler/

17i1or8

My husband's birthday is next month and he wants to go on a wine tasting holiday with me and a couple of our friends, Jeff and Liz (also married). I've said I'm not comfortable with this because my husband just got sober six months ago. He insists this is irrelevant since you don't actually drink the wine at a wine tasting - you're supposed to spit it out. I'm not so sure, I just think it's too soon. But he is saying I'm ruining his birthday and treating him like a child. I had suggested we all go horseback riding together instead -ive been trying to get my husband to come horseback riding for years, I think it will be really good for him. But Jeff is afraid of horses. When I asked Jeff if maybe he could just try anyway, he told me to "get a life" and things got pretty heated. Because of this, I've told my husband that I don't want Jeff to come wine tasting with us. Am I the Asshole?

Ok_Contact3672

AITA for not taking my alcoholic husband wine tasting

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i1t0o/aita_for_not_taking_my_alcoholic_husband_wine/

17i1t0o

A big reason why me and my mom constantly argue is because of the air conditioning bill and her being a person who enjoys the warm and me being a bigger guy who enjoys being colder. Im 18 and am working and contributing to bills so I believe that when my mom isnt home i should be able to enjoy the coldness of the AC. But heres the issue, the AC model we have has an app that can turn off and see if the AC is on from anywhere that has wifi. I usually get back from work at 3am and dont immediately knock out so that when my mom leaves for work at 6 i can turn on the air. But the entire way to work she watched the app like a hawk and every time i turned it on and went upstairs to sleep she turned it off. Its not a huge deal but it really helps me fall asleep since my ceiling fan is broken. I gave up and fell asleep without it on all sweaty. On the way to work today i was talking to my mom about my ability to use the air conditioner because i help pay bills and she says “i dont want your money to go to the electric bill” and i asked her that can it go towards the electric bill and she said no so i asked where does my money go besides rent and she said it doesnt matter. I dont think theres a real “asshole” here but i just want to know if im in the right or wrong.

tunaboi935

AITA for wanting to be in charge of the air conditioning when my mom isnt home?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i1xii/aita_for_wanting_to_be_in_charge_of_the_air/

17i1xii

I (48m) have a daughter (16f) let's call her Himari. I divorced her mom when she was four and her mom got custody so I barely saw her until she was 14 and her mother died. She also had a sister who died (15f) at the same time. After almost two months, she moved in with me and my housemate and close friend, Josh (49m), who live together. I drive long haul so Josh is typically the one watching her, but I am there lots of the time too. We didn't give Himari much chores to start with as we knew it was a transition. We started slow by asking her to do small things every once in a while. Eventually we tried to assign her some reoccurring chores. She does a very poor job at them when from how she's done them before it is clear she can do better and she ends up yelling at us for making her do things. Josh has tried taking her phone away for a week and things like that but she doesn't change. One day she was doing this again and so I took her favorite stuffed toy she sleeps with. This really upset her but when she gets like this it is like anything would upset her. I was mad at her and so, before she woke up, I threw the bear away before the trash man came. I know that throwing it away was wasteful for the environment but I was angry and not thinking about that then. To be clear, the toy isn't from her mom or sister or anyone she was close with. It was from her fifth birthday from church kids she barely knew. Himari was upset when she got up and wanted her bear. I told her the trash man had taken him already. She freaked out and started throwing a temper tantrum. It has been two weeks and she's mad at me still and saying I "killed him." I don't want to seem weak and double down but maybe throwing it away forever was too far?

Dad2ft

AITA for throwing away my daughters stuffed bear?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i1zj0/aita_for_throwing_away_my_daughters_stuffed_bear/

17i1zj0

We share a bedroom. I(18m) saw him(13) trying to sneak a bottle of hand sanitizer into the toilet. Asked him what that was for since there’s soap in the toilet and he looked really embarrassed before miming the masturbation movement. I asked him if he used sanitizer for this before and he said no. He was planning to try it out. I warned him “Don’t use sanitizer to masturbate. It can be really painful.” He heeded my advice and put the sanitizer back but told my stepmother about it. She was mad, saying I have no right to talk to her son about such things without asking to her first. Was I in the wrong?

Sewardsss

AITA for talking to my stepbrother about masturbation?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i2bry/aita_for_talking_to_my_stepbrother_about/

17i2bry

First let me say that this is my biological half brother that I wasn’t raised with. I didn’t meet him until I was almost 20. Im 10 years older than him. I ended up selling my car to my brother about a year and a half ago. It was a huge fiasco. He never was able to meet up with me at the dmv to have the car transferred into his name. First it was because he owed some taxes on his old car and he couldn’t pay that yet so he couldn’t switch my car into his name, so I gave him some time to try to get that sorted. Then every time I would come into town and try to meet up with him at the dmv he’d have some excuse on why he couldn’t come. So even though my brother had the car, it was still in my name & I still had the title, license plate was still under me, etc. Obviously I had an issue with this because if anything happened while he was driving that car, I could be held liable. A few months ago my brother mentioned that he was probably going to sell my car because he didn’t drive it anymore since he got a work vehicle. I offered to “buy” it back from him. I asked him how much he wanted for it and he said 5k, which is what he paid me for it a year and a half ago. Which I kind of thought was bs but he claimed he put all this stuff into it (new tire, had to buy a new bumper, replaced a brake caliper) and said he could sell it for 7k. So I agreed to pay the 5k because I wanted this whole situation to be done and over with and I was under the understanding the car would be in the same condition I sold it to him in. This past weekend I went and got the car from him and everything seemed to be ok from what I could tell. I drove straight home, over 300 miles away. The next morning when I walked out to the car the front tire was completely flat. After really looking at the tires I discovered that the tires were very worn. I’m talking, threads from the tires showing. They are so bad that I’m going to have to replace all of them. I texted my brother with photos of the tires and asked if he would be willing to split the cost of 4 new tires (total $600, so $300 from him) and I sent him a ss of the tire cost. To make a long story short, he told me he wouldn’t pitch in because he had to put about $400 into it when he got it from me and it’s common knowledge that when you buy a used car from someone it’s “as is”. Was I completely out of line to ask him if he’d be willing to pay half?

BeeTerrible13

AITA for asking my brother to contribute to new tires?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i2jzo/aita_for_asking_my_brother_to_contribute_to_new/

17i2jzo

My sister had a nespresso machine at her house. Then her and her coworkers went in on one for their office. Nespresso accidentally sent her two so she got the extra one for free. When she said she got one for free I said hey I’ll take it! But she wanted one for at her boyfriends house because she stayed there whenever she didn’t have her kids. She told me I could have it once they moved in together which was their plan for a year later. It was mentioned at some point that she would want money for it which whatever. I was fine paying her fifty bucks or something. Fast forward a year and she moves in with her boyfriend. My husband went to their house one day and she sent the nespresso machine back with him. We didn’t talk about how much I owed her and that was three months ago. We’ve used it. Yesterday she Venmo requested me 120 dollars for it. I looked on Facebook marketplace and found three the exact same for 50-75. AITA if I say I’ll pay her 75? She got it for free.. Three years ago (before this shit bf of hers) this would have never been an issue so sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking we have the relationship we used to have where we treat each other fair and can easily communicate about things. I should have asked how much I owed her and she should have told me how much she wanted before giving it to me. But here we are.

DecisionDesperate827

AITA if I don’t pay my sister what she wants for her nespresso machine?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i2oxk/aita_if_i_dont_pay_my_sister_what_she_wants_for/

17i2oxk

One day I discovered the joys of playing catch by myself using a tennis ball-sized stress ball and throwing it against the wall. I then proceeded to play a little bit of tennis or pickleball too using the stress ball and a hand-held mirror and the same walls. I made sure to minimize any sound heard by my adjacent neighbors by only bouncing the ball off a wall that wasn't connected to another unit. What I unfortunately failed to consider was whether my neighbor downstairs could hear anything. I played intermittently throughout the day for probably a total of 1 hr max. At around 10:42pm that night, a policeman came knocking on my door. They said the neighbor downstairs was hearing stomping and loud music playing for hours throughout the day. I was really confused because at the time it didn't click in my head that the stress ball sounds were probably what made those stomping noises. For the past 2 hours, I am pretty sure I was just washing my dishes and sitting at my desk studying and doing hw. So the police was like yeah just be mindful and to be fair I didn't hear anything when I came here either. Then about a week later, I see on my resident portal that I have been charged $25 + 55cents tax of legal fees for this incident!!! First of all, there is literally no mention of what time quiet hours even is on any lease papers or anything. Second of all, I don't think I even broke the imaginary quiet hours rules because I definitely stopped playing with the ball after 9pm. Third of all, since when do people get charged a fee for a noise complaint? Especially when the police himself said he didn't hear anything and there is literally no evidence except for my neighbor's personal report to the police?? Also in the police report it states that my neighbor called at 10:02 pm and said "she (I am a he) has been banging on the floor and making all kinds of noise for past few hours. \[My downstairs neighbor\] doesn't want to lose his temper by going there himself". Like wtf just come here yourself? I'll try to figure out the problem and stop doing whatever is making that noise too noisy for you.

OkNeedleworker6378

AITA for being really annoyed by a "loud noise disturbance" complaint by my downstairs neighbor?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i2zi9/aita_for_being_really_annoyed_by_a_loud_noise/

17i2zi9

I 21 year old female have been with my fiance for 6 going on 7 years and I am happy and excited to get married to him. As we were planning for our wedding his mother called him to ask if my brother was going to be one of his groomsmen (mind you I never expected him to ask my brother or wanted him to ask) he didn't tell me what he said but then mother in law asked if her two daughters could be my bridesmaids. My fiance and I were only going to have the best man and maid of honor in our wedding and that's it, so he told her that he will ask me. I told him no cause his older sister and I are not very close, we once lived together with my fiance aka her brother and got to a big argument that we had to leave our home and move in with my dad. His little sister is 15 and has anger issues and I don't want to deal with both of them. Of course they are invited to the wedding but I dont want them as bridesmaids, his mother did tell him that I wanted them to be bridesmaids a long time ago but of course things change and I changed my mind. My fiance wants me to do it just for his mom won't be depressed (cause she's been feeling down for a while) but I want to be comfortable in my wedding and not regret anything. I told him why did he change his mind and he said he didn't and he thought this was what I wanted. His mom is going to ask me directly on Sunday and im going to tell her the following. "Your son and I decided that we will only have the best man and maid of honor for our wedding since that's what we agreed on on Thursday, I'm sorry but they are still welcomed to come." Ps. The wedding is small only 50 people will come.

Significant-Film-345

AITA for not wanting my sister's in law to be bridesmaids in my wedding

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i33dk/aita_for_not_wanting_my_sisters_in_law_to_be/

17i33dk

Some context : I(F17) have a close friend “Blue (F17). Blue is a funny and nice friend, but recently I’ve stopped inviting her to places which resulted in her lashing out on me. Blue doesn’t have many friends at all so I always tried to make plans with her, include her to things and spend time with her in the past few months especially since she deals with mental health struggles like depression, anxiety and bipolar. She especially said she only hangs out with guys — usually ones she gets with — and wants more girl friends who don’t actually dislike her so I consecutively tried to make an effort. But in the past few months MOST times we made plans she’d either cancel last minute, ghost me completely or lie/make up an excuse and hang out with one of her guy friends. Or when she’d invite me to parties or places I’d always be a backup plan or she’d get my hopes up most times texting me right before she didn’t feel like going, lie and hangout with someone else or change her mind about not going and text me extremely last minute that she’s coming. I struggle with anxiety too, so I need a plan and she’d often lash out on me for not being easy going with the last minute plans. I was so done that I just stopped inviting her places completely because I didn’t want to deal with her constantly flakiness and confusion. But now she’s upset with me saying she feels lonely and I feel guilty because she doesn’t really have anyone else that seemed to actually care about her. Plus she has bipolar and depression which would explain her behaviour which makes me feel even worse but it’s so draining to consistently get my hopes up and constant confusion with her. But she never explains why she’s upset or distant so I just gave up, which I know is something you shouldn’t do. AITA?

n0tlia

AITA for not hanging out with a friend anymore?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i33fd/aita_for_not_hanging_out_with_a_friend_anymore/

17i33fd

I (25M) had a mutual from a group on Twitter named May (24F). May has DID, dissociative identity disorder. For those that don’t know, it’s a personality disorder caused by trauma that makes a person have more than one individual personality. Some can be based on fictional characters in media or even real people apparently. I don't know what trauma May had, but I noticed she started to copy certain things I did regularly after we spoke more. I asked one of my friends and they put it as her "using me for an alter" or something like that. Here’s the thing. Originally it wasn’t a big deal or any issue to me whatsoever. It was just small stuff at the start like the same nickname, similar food choices, and clothing style. Things I didn’t care about. But then she started going further. This included randomly messaging my other friends online who didn’t know her and claiming to be me, trying to make flirty jokes with my girlfriend which made her uncomfortable, mimicking my accent (she’s white and I’m latino), and even going on to give her "alter" the same backstory as me. For context, I lost my younger sister to a disease years back and May decided to add that to the alter for some reason. I tried to be polite about it but she would keep making excuses and ignoring my boundaries. The sister part was the final straw, so I told May I wasn’t comfortable being around her or taking to her anymore because of how much she had dissolved into this. I told her she was becoming borderline obsessed and should seek professional help if she couldn’t control it and then I blocked her everywhere. I even privated my main socials so that she couldn't spy on me through a lurker account. I’m guessing she messaged our other friends with her own side because I started getting messages. Most were supportive since they knew how far she was going, but others have called me ableist for how I treated the situation instead of being supportive of her. Im starting to think maybe I was in the wrong because I really don’t know much about this disorder in the first place. AITA?

Pristine_Station3453

AITA for telling someone that I’m not comfortable with them using me as an alter?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i3441/aita_for_telling_someone_that_im_not_comfortable/

17i3441

Hi, I’m 14M and have divorced parents. I go to my mums for a week then my dads for a week then back to my mums. At my dads I am usually left alone for a couple hours every day after school and on weekends I can ride motorbikes, drive my bushbasher, do gardening and more. He owns his house and has a bit of property so I can do this sort of stuff. At my mums, I come home from school and all I can do is sit on my Xbox, she lives in a small unit and moves houses a couple times a year. Her house is always a mess, her foods not that good tbh and she does not set a good example at all. She has bad spending habits, bad eating habits and just overall doesn’t set a good example. But she isn’t a bad person. She basically lives off centerlink, child support, job seeker,ect. She’s spent the last few years blaming my dad for all her problems and trying to get as much money as she can out of him. She is broke and doesn’t do anything to fix it. My dad on the other hand sets a really good example; eats healthy, rarely gets take away, has great spending habits and he’s really hard working. But mum doesn’t like me going to his house because I get left alone for a couple hours after school every day. I also think she’s a bit jealous. So AITA for liking my father’s house more than my mums, he sets a better example and gives good advice and there’s also lots to do there. At mums there’s nothing to do and she sets a terrible example. AITA? I also have an older and younger brother, the older one goes every second weekend (his choice), the other also goes every second weekend but wants to go every second week like me but isn’t allowed because of mum. Edit: Mum keeps trying to make me go every second weekend and I don’t know why.

ndnzoo

AITA for liking my fathers house more than my mothers?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i39hs/aita_for_liking_my_fathers_house_more_than_my/

17i39hs

TLDR; husband spells my name using the more common spelling and brushes it off as autocorrect. My name is very common name, spelled with slightly less common spelling. Think Sarah and Sara. I used my husband’s phone today to read a message from his father and saw he had spelled my name wrong three separate times. He has done this in the past when texting people and he always says it’s autocorrect. I’ve told him how to override autocorrect but he has a colleague with the same name in the other spelling, so he doesn’t want to misspell her name too. It makes me sad that even if he’s sending a quick text he can’t take a moment to spell my name right. When we were first dating he would correct people on how to spell my name. His family has always spelt my name wrong and he would always get upset with them. But now even he is spelling my name wrong when talking about me with others. Am I right to be hurt over this?

Throwaway4534938

AITA, husband (m28) spells my (f24) name wrong

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17i3e4d/aita_husband_m28_spells_my_f24_name_wrong/

17i3e4d

So my friend Steve messaged me and asked if I would like to go out with him and a few of our friends one day in the coming week, so I said yes and he asked what days I was free. I told him I was free any day except Thursday as I had family plans, and he said that’s great as another girl - Amy - wasn’t available Thursday either, and he then said he’d get back to me. This was on Tuesday, and then on Thursday Amy posts photos of her and all the friends he previously mentioned all going shopping together. When I asked one of the girls who was there why they chose to hang out on the only day I wasn’t free she said “well you had better plans anyway” which, in fairness, is true but I still feel betrayed as they chose to hang out on the only day I wasn’t free, and nobody even got back to me to say they’d changed the plans to Thursday. So, AITA for feeling upset about this?

secretsally7

AITA For being annoyed at my friends?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j7m2k/aita_for_being_annoyed_at_my_friends/

17j7m2k

For context I am 25F and currently working two jobs to save for a new car and move out. I’ve lived with my family all of my life with the exception of leaving for college, but recently quit graduate school to start working and saving. In addition to that, I’ve been a caregiver for both my maternal grandparents for the last 6-7 years, providing the bulk of the help behind my mother (I also have two older siblings and my father who provide help but not at the same level as me and her). I’ve always had helicopter parents who have always had me abide by strict rules while living at home. I’ve always taken care of responsibilities and pulled my weight at home, but have always been met with yet another criticism of something they don’t like about my life. The biggest issues that we currently butt heads on is my weed smoking and me violating my “curfew” when I go to hang out with my girlfriend (my curfew is supposed to be 2:30a but I am constantly hassled to come back earlier). Last night, my partner had a breakdown after our date and I stayed to comfort her. During this time, I was texting my mom and updated her that I’d be home soon. Despite me coming home before the 2:30a curfew, my mom still lectured me about staying out and having her worry about me (despite me communicating with her). We’ve had this same argument multiple times and I have asked her to “get off my back”, but there is never a compromise for allowing me more freedom. I have pushed the envelope on occasion of coming home right at 2:30a and one time I was sitting outside of my house past my curfew and was locked out of the house. This might seem trivial, but I just feel like if I do so much for my household, why can’t I get at least the freedom to do as I please in my free time? Am I the asshole for wanting more freedom? Or do I just need to suck it up until I can move out?

Born-Coat-8312

AITA? For wanting more freedom at home

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j7vbu/aita_for_wanting_more_freedom_at_home/

17j7vbu

My boyfriend and I started dating 7 months ago. He's lived with his ex the entire time. At first, he presented it as a necessary evil, something he wished he could get out of. Then I started to realize that they are actually close, and they haven't put boundaries between them. At first I was okay with them staying friends. He'd move out. I could meet her. The last straw though was when she (controlling and manipulative, btw) started adding/unadding/blocking/unblocking me on social media. I talked to my boyfriend. He told me he didn't want us being friends and to just block each other, because it's "too much drama," and she doesn't want to be friends with me. Apparently she sees him as her boyfriend and is hurt I exist. Then she posted herself lying in his bed. The more I pried, the more I realized they don't have boundaries between them. She enters his room whenever she wants, lays in his bed whenever. They'll hang out in his bedroom and watch movies/play games together. They've been friends much longer than lovers. They dated for about a year then broke up (my boyfriend initiating since she stopped caring about their relationship) right before he started dating me. He says she gets him in a way no one else does; just because they didn't work out as lovers doesn't mean they aren't still best friends. That they were really close, and you don't just turn off emotions. Now that my bf is moving out and things are extreme between me and his ex, we're discussing her. I said I can't handle him keeping their friendship. (She constantly blows up his phone, and they want to meet up occasionally.) I kinda told him the choice was between making his ex a more distant friend or keeping me. I'd be fine if the ex didn't try to keep gf privileges and pretend I didn't exist. If she actually met me and let herself move on. And if they didn't want to hang out still, her pretending I don't exist. My boyfriend says I'm giving him an ultimatum and it feels like I want to break up. He knows it's unfair, because he asks me to block guys who hit on me, and he doesn't want to have to put me through BS. That he's trying to make sure he "doesn't lose anyone." I feel like an option. Of similar importance to his ex. I thought it would be me and him; he'd make her fit around us (if she did, depending on her wanting to pretend my bf is still hers). In a long-term relationship, I need to be the priority. I need to come first, and we can figure out everything else around us. I guess I feel like a reasonable compromise is saying no hanging out with his ex without me, and limiting her blowing up his phone. However, I know they've been friends for a decade. I can't just ask that of him. I'm conflicted. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't think I'll be able to handle him texting his ex all the time or meeting up with her without me. AITA for wanting my bf to end his friendship with his ex?

kbok24

AITA for wanting my bf to stop seeing/talking to his ex?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j7vjt/aita_for_wanting_my_bf_to_stop_seeingtalking_to/

17j7vjt

I (f24) think this is weird, but both my sister (f26) and fiance (m27) are saying it’s not and I want a third party. Basically, my fiancé works out every week day after work from like 6:30-7:30 ish. And I always knew he had a workout partner, i just assumed it was one of his friends. Then, on Friday, we were just chatting while I started on dinner and he got ready to go, and I mentioned that I had a book I wanted my sister to read because I know she likes reading. And my fiancé was like “give it to me, I’ll give it to her.” I was obviously like “what?” and he got kind of uncomfortable. Like he started saying he should probably go and all. But I asked him why he said that and he said that it wasn’t a big deal, but my sister is his workout partner. I said I thought that was weird, especially since he never told me about this. He said they just happened to go to the same gym and it became a “thing”. He said I’m overreacting. Am I? I don’t think I am. It’s weird. I mean, if I was working out with his brother, he’d think it was weird. I don’t want to be like an annoying, jealous girlfriend, but it rubs me the wrong way. I can see why my sister never told me since I don’t see her much + she literally never tells anyone anything, but my fiancé? I LIVE with him. AITA?

throwawaycup698

AITA for getting upset about my fiancé’s workout partner being my sister

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j7zoc/aita_for_getting_upset_about_my_fiancés_workout/

17j7zoc

I know this may sound silly, but I am white, he is white, but I grew up with my mum, and most of her side of the family are black, and they dislike the word aswell, its seen as disgusting and disrespectful. My dad said it, and I told him to stop, at the very least around me so I dont hear it, nicely. and he did. But he came into my room yesterday, and we were listening to music, and a song came on (recommended so it wasnt even on my playlist) and the singer said the n word, he didnt know the lyrics but decided to say the n word, and laughed. It ended I'm a big argument, where he said It was In the song, and he can say what he wants, but I said he shouldn't have come into my room, and said it. He said I was too opinionated, as it doesnt affect anyone. AITA? LONG STORY SHORT: white dad said n word, when it was in a song, and thinks I'm in the wrong for telling him to stop saying it around me.

Budget-Weakness551

AITA for telling my dad to stop saying the "n" word

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j899m/aita_for_telling_my_dad_to_stop_saying_the_n_word/

17j899m

I (27F) have decided not to give my mother (47) more money anymore. She has this bad habit of not being reliable about this topic. Almost every time she has asked me for money, she didn't gave it back to me on time, usually with tons of excuses ("It's raining so much, I can't go to the bank this way", "I was busy", "I didn't get payed", "My legs hurt"...). If she says "I'll give it back tomorrow", then it becomes "I couldn't do it, it'll be on Monday", and on Monday it will be "Next week" and so on. I feel disrespected, because this hasn't happened just once or twice, which could be true; this is the expected at this point, and I don't think she'd be so irresponsible regarding someone else's money if I wasn't her daughter. I feel like she's taking advantage of me. And most of the times that I get my money back, it's not the whole amount. For example, I gave her 110 euros and she gave me back 80 because "Your grandma needed money". I mean, I'm the first one that wants to help my grandma, but at least let me know. You have no right to give MY money without my permission, even if it happens inside the family. My mum also has this victimism that she always uses to get what she wants. It used to work with me, and made me feel so guilty if I dared to say "no", but not anymore. Also, these things with my grandma aren't new. I love her, but she's not the most reliable one around money either. And apart from my mother, she has my aunt and uncle, and she never asks them for money. The poor one that's always helping and over giving is my mum. I don't think that's fair. She has another daughter and a son, and she's always using my mum with the "poor me, my other kids don't help me" attitude (and they got reasons). My mum is well aware that my grandma takes advantage of her, and that she's always giving and giving and putting anyone else before her, even when she can't, in order not to dissapoint anyone, but she does nothing to change this. Like that time when she asked me for money because she promised my brothers to buy them a new videogame and she couldn't. Nothing againts videogames, I play myself, but, is that really an urgent reason to ask for money? They can wait, it's not a need. So, I've decided that until I don't see real changes and compromise from her part, I won't be giving her more money. I can advice her to stop being a people pleaser, and start putting herself first and not letting my grandma manipulate her (which I've done), but I can't do it for her. AITA for this?

angelesmu

AITA for not wanting to give my mother money anymore?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j89hz/aita_for_not_wanting_to_give_my_mother_money/

17j89hz

For context; I (16F) take an after school class with my friends Ally (16F) and Ruby (16F). Recently I've convinced another close friend of mine to join, who I will call Mike (16M), and soon after his arrival a girl, Mary (17F), one day decided to make conversation with us. She ended up sitting next to us and we all happily accepted her. For a while I enjoyed the extra company; Mary was very extroverted but I didn't mind much even if something alwaus put me a little on edge. Suddenly Mary starts to show up everywhere, without a word she began to sit with me and Ally's other friend group during lunch, found out where we meet up during passing period, and even began go get Ally's parents to give her a ride home (an act I'm very grateful they have been providing me with for years). I don't really mind the last one much because I know it's safer for her to get a ride rather than her usual walk but something about Mary has just always put me on edge so the close proximity in a very cramped car gets me nervous, especially when the rides aren't just to her house after school but events now. Mine and Allys parents also alternate when diving us to places so Mary has insisted in my mom driving her somewhere, something I refused to say yes to because my parents are strict, judge my friends extremely, and yet again just thinking of Mary getting any more into my personal life sets alarms off (especially when Ally has already started to tell her so much personal stuff regarding me). One day, when Mary was absent, I was talking about going to the mall with Ally and Ruby because we have been planning this for a while, jokingly I invited Mark but then it became an actual invite that he accepted. I was excited for it, especially because I could introduce my parents to new friends I think they would like and it was my first time hanging out with them outside of school related extracurriculars. One day Ally asked if Mary knew about the mall trip yet so in an attempt to avoid conflict I just said "no" and tried to change the topic. Unsurprisingly, that didn't work as Ally began to push on the topic and finally asked "do you not like Mary?" so I just told her that for some reason alarms when off whenever she was near, Ally didn't take that well. She said it was bitchy of me to not invite her and exclude her from things (when I never have before this, I even invited her myself to match Halloween costumes with us + some friends and just because she puts me on edge doesn't mean I wont show her kindness). I told her I was sorry and I just didn't feel comfortable with Mary around but Ally didn't take that lightly and she began to ignore me. After Allys reaction, I feel terrible for feeling how I feel about Mary but I can't help it and just the feeling I get when around her has been stressing me out so much. I don't know what to do now and it's only a matter of time before Ally spreads it to everyone else, I don't want to lose my friends. AITA?

Fair_Explorer_4714

AITA for excluding someone from a group hangout

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j8bvh/aita_for_excluding_someone_from_a_group_hangout/

17j8bvh

I (22F) live with my two roommates (22F) and (23M) - let’s call them Alexa and Mark. Mark and I have lived together since we started uni as we were best friends all throughout high school and our families have always been close. Alexa moved in with us our second year as we found a 3 bedroom apartment much closer to the uni that we couldn’t afford on our own. Mark met his girlfriend (Amy) about two years ago and at first everything was fine, she came over most weekends and we all got along so there was never a problem. That Christmas Mark and I drove back to our hometown together because we lived on the same street and my car isn’t really great for winter driving. Before we left Mark had to stop at Amy’s house to pick up some things he had left there the night before and when we got there Amy was furious saying that if he really loved her he wouldn’t drive me as it’s disrespectful to their relationship and I would try something. Mark told her I was just a friend and that he promised nothing would happen (it didn’t). When we got to our hometown we found out one of our high school friends was having a party so we both went. Amy found out we were both at this party and called him freaking out demanding that he left and that she didn’t want him and I out together unless she could supervise. She even called me and explained that she knew what I was doing and that I couldn’t stop him from loving her and she made it very clear that she was going to be in his life forever and I was temporary. Ever since that Christmas Mark and I haven’t been as close. I didn’t want to interfere with his relationship so I gave him space, we’re still living together but even now I feel like I can’t talk to him. We’re all in our final year of uni now and since Mark and I are in the same program we have most of our classes together and we attend all the same campus events. Amy claims I go to these events to get close to him without her around and I’m tired of it so I avoid him at the events. Amy spends almost every night at our apartment now and it’s been extremely uncomfortable for me. She calls me a whore if I’m wearing shorts and consistently tells me “she’s won Mark and I lost the game”. This past week I officially snapped at her. I came back from a date with a guy from work and I caught her in my room on my laptop snooping through my messages with Mark. I told her she was crazy and that she needed to get the fuck out of my house or I would call the cops. Mark wasn’t home at the time so she left and when Mark came home he freaked out on me calling me inconsiderate and rude. I told him this is just as much my house as it is his and if she couldn’t respect my privacy then I didn’t want her here. Alexa sided with me as she also feels uncomfortable when Amy is around and doesn’t think I’m in the wrong. Amy hasn’t been back here yet and Mark thinks I need to apologize for what I said but I don’t think I’m wrong so AITA?

Aggravating_Lake_371

AITA for kicking my roommates gf out of our house?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j8ggs/aita_for_kicking_my_roommates_gf_out_of_our_house/

17j8ggs

Little background: I (32F) live with my boyfriend (44M) in a rental. We recently took in a friend that legally cannot work and cannot drive. These are both temporary, thankfully. Friend has been with us for ~3 months as of now and initially helped me around the house. Because I am looking for a job as well, we are three people on one income currently. This also means that I am the primary caretaker of the house until I find work. Friend has been doing little side hustles and craft work to sell until they can start looking for work. Don’t get me wrong, these crafts are very very well done! Beautiful. Since friend has been focusing on these crafts and her social media following, they have given me very little help. This is the same with boyfriend. He works from home and does very little unless prompted. He recently admitted to someone we both know that he knows he should help around more and took responsibility for that. Here’s my thing: I am constantly picking up, running errands, running friend around for crafts and the like…I am so sick of it! I ask for specific help and get told yeah no problem, then friend backs out when it’s time to get groceries/clean the kitchen/ prep dinner/ etc. When I initially put my foot down, I was met with friend and one of our mutual friends telling me that I bulldoze and “my way is the only way”. For the sake of my own sanity (and because it was honestly 2-1), I just sucked it up and apologized. Now I’m sitting here, fuming again because I asked for help all weekend that was initially agreed to then friend backed out multiple times. They literally just craft in their room. So, Reddit, WIBTA if I made friend sign a roommate agreement that requires them to help around the house and take the time to learn to drive if they want to craft all day? EDIT: Friend is here from out of country and knows literally no one except Other Friend and myself. DV situation. Hence the delay in being able to legally work too. This definitely muddles the whole thing as well

Questionablemorals14

WIBTA If I write up a roommate agreement even though we already live together?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j8r5h/wibta_if_i_write_up_a_roommate_agreement_even/

17j8r5h

I (22, F) live with two other people (21 and 22, F). I'll call them Eve and Mia. We have lived with each other for over a year now. At the start everything was great and we all hung out and each helped around the apartment with tasks we enjoyed doing. Almost everything was split three ways. However around 5 months ago we realized Eve had stopped doing some of the things around the apartment and she had started talking to us less. Mia and I were first worried about her mental health and so we invited her when we went out and even planned events just for her but she ALWAYS cancelled on us 15 min before we left too be with her other friend. At this point she hasn't talked to us in 2 months except replying to a singular text with a thumbs up but her friend has practically moved into our place as they spend almost every single night and use our fridge. We are all full time students and Mia and I also have jobs. A month ago, Mia and I both took on second jobs basically meaning we were never home. Most days we are out from 7am to 8pm. When we were home we realized the apartment was NASTY and that we would have to spend our little freetime cleaning up. This was not just tasks like sweeping or mopping but also cleaning mold from our cabinets (happens when they aren't regularly wiped down... we live in the humid South) and degreasing our stove burner pans. Resentment started to grow between us and Eve as we felt we were cleaning up after her and her friend's mess while she sat in her room and smoked all day. She wouldn't even do her own dishes! Not to mention Mia and I were the ones buying all the cleaning supplies for the house that she was also using like laundry detergent or sanitized wipes. To solve this, I made a Chore Chart (two pieces of laminated printer paper) that broke down tasks into daily and weekly tasks. Once a task was done whoever did it signed their name next to the task. I hoped this would show Eve how much Mia and I were doing and be a reminder every time she walked into our shared space. Eve hasn't said anything to us directly about the chart but I got home early from work one day to hear her ranting to her friend about how it was demeaning to her and made her feel like a child. And that she never asked us to do her chores. So am I the asshole for making a chore chart?

padlock_37

AITA for making a chore chart for my roommates because not everyone was helping out

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j8rsr/aita_for_making_a_chore_chart_for_my_roommates/

17j8rsr

I, F15 am an avid gamer and play games on all types of devices; Nintendo, PlayStation, PC, laptop, etc. I mostly play on my PC because most of my games are Windows compatible so I got Steam and I had Steam for a while like a year before I met my friend Sana in my new school, He liked Omori and couldn't play the game because he didn't have the money to buy it so I offered to let him use my account to play the game and then he can sign off, I didn't give him my login details on that day saying I forgot them but really my card details were linked to the account so when I went home I disconnected my card and forgot it off the account and the next day I gave Sana the login details, he played for days on end, he's done everything you can do in Omori. I was playing overwatch and Sana called me and I declined because my sister and brother came over and were watching me play, I received multiple calls from Sana and I couldn't text back because he was spamming me, I blocked calls from my computer so I could text him and tell him why I couldn't respond when I told him he told me "Fine. I get that you don't wanna call with me." he then ended the call and put his phone on DND, I texted him that I'm sorry and that I'm not allowed to call when family comes over, in the morning he texted "ok". I saw him playing Omori and I wanted to watch him play so I called him but he didn't respond, I called him a second time a couple of minutes later because I thought he was AFK but again no response. I looked at the Omori tab, he had been playing Omori for 9 hours straight, I saw the CONNECT option, I wanted to see what it did because it said I could connect to his laptop. I connected and he was playing and I could hear him, he was watching TikTok and playing so I called him again and I heard it ring and I heard the decline sound and he said "Bro why does this girl keep calling me" So I turned his sound off and started playing with remote play. He started to angrily text me and said "What are you doing????" "I'm trying to play" "Leave me alone" and I said "What are you talking about" "I'm not doing anything" He responded with "Yes you are" "Can you stop" "You're actually so annoying" He called me and I accepted He started to shout "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU'RE ACTUALLY SO ANNOYING CAN YOU STOP YOU'RE BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE" I ended the call after saying "Sorry". When I went to school, he didn't say a word to me and just made faces at me, he had told our whole friend group and during break, they all told me I was being an asshole and it wasn't funny and to go say sorry to him I gave him a heartfelt apology and he didn't expect and when I went home I logged him out, he's not gonna act that way and still have control over y account, when I went to school my friends were furious and didn't talk to me until they told me I couldn't do that and that it was his account too and I had no right to do that, so AITA?

AngelTianTian

AITA for removing my friend from our joint steam account

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j8sg4/aita_for_removing_my_friend_from_our_joint_steam/

17j8sg4

I, F15 have been in an all-Muslim girls private school until just last year, in my private school we didn't know about slurs, what they were and why you couldn't say it. I grew up knowing only about swear words and when I moved schools I heard a girl say the N-word for the first time, I asked her what it meant and I said "What's that word you said?", she asked me if I knew what a slur was and she explained it to me and I thought that and the R slur were the only ones that existed, the next month I was talking to a girl, let's call her Chloe, Chloe was your typical popular girl, she knew everyone in the school and all their business, she talked to a new boy every single day, she said she was bisexual but we'd never even seen her look at a girl or talk to a girl in a flirty way. Me and Chloe were texting and she said the B slur, Chloe is half Brazilian and half Mexican but she is as white as my walls, she constantly made fun of me for being white yet I am half Iraqi and half Polish, this school was in a Ghetto so being white was looked down upon, so she said the B Slur and I thought it was a word she had come up with to it was a word like Terrorist were its not derogatory unless aimed at a specific person so I texted her "What does (insert B slur) mean" She was enraged, she started saying you can't say that, why are you calling me that and things like that. I never called her it but just asked what it meant because I'd never heard of it before or who it was offensive to. She went and told everyone I had called her the B slur and that I was a racist, I told everyone I didn't know what it meant and was just asking what it had meant, Chloe's best friend Ana was neutral and said I didn't mean it and that I was just asking what it meant. I had screenshots of the chat and sent it to popular people in our year group and they sent it to other people and everyone went into the year group chat and started talking about who was in the wrong, they never came to a decision because another conflict came up but Chloe still shits on me for it today, so AITA???

AngelTianTian

AITA for saying a slur

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j8vif/aita_for_saying_a_slur/

17j8vif

Every Sunday for my (28M) adult life, I've gone to my dad's house to spend the day with him and watch sports (football, baseball, racing, whatever) and eat dinner together. This has always caused friction between my wife (30f) and I ever since we started dating. She gets along very well with my family, but she likes to have lazy Sundays on the couch while I like to go to my dad's and be with him, like we always have. She's more than welcome to come but she just wants to be home. For this specific case: Her birthday is tomorrow (10/30). Yesterday we had a party for her with my family and her family and everything went on fine. This morning she is hungover and slept in while I got up and did things around the house. My dad calls to confirm if I am coming over, and I told him I was. She wakes up and finds out I intend to go to my dad's house, and is instantly upset because "I'm leaving her on her birthday" I understand her side, but it's not like I forgot or ignored her birthday completely. We had a good party for her yesterday, I have gifts ready for her tomorrow, and we plan to go to dinner tomorrow, her actual birthday. I called my dad back and told him I won't be coming over today. She's now upset and said I should just go to my dad's now because she doesn't want to be around me right now, I said I wasn't going to flip-flop on my decision and call my dad back to change my mind again. Now I am currently sitting home and my wife is upset and doesn't want to talk to me. So, AITA? Also, any suggestions to resolve this issue that happens every Sunday? I've already confronted it with my wife and said I am not happy with arguing about it every week and would like to find some sort of solution, but she says she won't change and I guess we'll just argue every Sunday for the rest of our lives. Edit: Also worth noting: We just got back from a long vacation, so I have already not seen my dad for the last 2 Sundays (today being the 3rd) because my wife and I were on vacation.

Chief_B33f

AITA For wanting to go to my dad's house on the weekend of my wife's birthday?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j8w1v/aita_for_wanting_to_go_to_my_dads_house_on_the/

17j8w1v

My oldest ( Bethany 16) has a step sibling ( Maria 14 almost 15). Bethany and I are white while my husband and Maria are Mexican descent They have been in each other lives since they were 6 and 7 and overall the relationship is good until recently. Maria quinceanera is coming up and my husband and his ex wife took her to get her dress. The dress and alliterations came to around 3000 dollars. My daughter has been very jealous of the whole party. I’ve informed her it is part of the culture just like when she had a huge sweet sixteen party with her friends. I spent more time with her to try to make her feel better about it and got her own much cheaper dress for the party. The party is suppose to be in two weeks but my daughter after an argument with Maria about the tv she scribbled sharpie all of the expensive dress and ripped the back. The story short everyone was pissed. I gave money to my husband and his ex to try to get a new dress ASAP. I informed my daughter she will need to get a job and pay back the full price of the dress as punishment. We got in a huge argument over it and the whole situation isn’t fair that I am choosing Maria and being a huge jerk. Am I being a huge jerk.

Otherwise-Cycle-2441

AITA for making my oldest pay back a 3,000 dollar dress she ruined

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j8whz/aita_for_making_my_oldest_pay_back_a_3000_dollar/

17j8whz

My father's a drunk and has been "working on it" for years. Working on it tends to mean hiding his wine in more clever places and pretending nothing is wrong. My mother is checked out, having spent the past two decades battling multiple chronic illnesses and dealing with his bullshit. She recently let me know that his car, which is their only mode of transportation that only my father can drive, is in rough shape. He drove it drunk and bashed off a side mirror, but even worse than that, the break pads are so worn down that he can't reliably stop the thing unless he puts it in neutral and coasts. He's dealing with this problem the same way he deals with his drinking -- by assuring everyone he will do something about it and then not doing that. My concern is that I know he drives drunk. He's already a risk in that car. I regularly contemplate calling the cops, but can't bring myself to do it. What I am thinking I can bring myself to do is steal the car by having it towed to a shop, get new brake pads put on the stupid thing and having them replace the damn mirror. Then I'll call him and tell him if he wants his car, it's at the shop and he can go get it. That way, the chance of him hurting someone in it is a little less. WIBTA for that?

itsastupidproblem

WIBTA for stealing my dad's car?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j8yze/wibta_for_stealing_my_dads_car/

17j8yze

She has depression and says that it is hard for her to motivate herself to do basic hygene. Most of all she doesn't like brushing her teeth. In her childhood she also went long time spans without brushing her teeth. Idk the excact amount but it could be between a few months and a few years. It has left marks like yellow teeth with spots on them or deformations on the outside layer. She states that it isn't bad to not brush and does not see the long term effect. I am a normal guy without depression so i can and will never understand what she is going through. Because of that, i want to ask you if it is too much to ask her to brush regularly or at least if she is with me. Often times she does not brush even if she is with me. It smells, we are kissing and she also wants tounge kisses. I often think about all the bacteria i am scraping off of her tounge and teeth whilst kissing. We went to a party yesterday and brushed our teeth in the morning at around 12. We went to the party, ate, drank and she smoked cigarettes and the green stuff. I do not like both or smoke in general. Today we arrived at home, unpacked everything, ate and watched 20 minutes of a movie whilst eating and after that we wanted to shower. We both got in the bathroom. She wanted kisses. I gave her one or two and after those i asked her if she wanted to brush her teeth with me before i would kiss her more. She said no and that it is useless if we will be brushing them again in 3 to 3.5 hours. Afterwards i asked her what the problem with brushing her teeth is if she is just standing mext to me doing nothing and i could literally prepare her toothbrush and she would just have to brush them herself. After that she was mad and shut the door so she could shower. Afterwards she wrote me that she would like some alone time and that she didn't need my shirt for sleep anymore. Thx for the help, even if im the Butthole.

Cargoesbrrbrr

AITA For wanting my gf to brush her teeth

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j93ly/aita_for_wanting_my_gf_to_brush_her_teeth/

17j93ly

Wife is studying for med school, and we have a baby who is almost 1. She's constantly harassed by her mother, who we suspect has borderline personality disorder. Her mother emotionally abuses us every day, telling us how awful we are. We're stuck living with her mother because my wife doesn't believe I can support us by myself. Even though I can, I've shown her the finances. She's got a ton on her plate. I try my best to understand that. I do everything she asks me to do to support her. But when I try to get some support back, it's like she can't believe I could ask for anything in return. I have ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria. So being around constant criticism is extremely draining and demoralizing. I asked my wife this morning (and multiple times before), if she could just be more positive in the way she gives me feedback, or to remind me of things. She replied, "so you want me to treat you like a child?" She doesn't think I should have to be reminded of the hundreds of rules she and her mother has. I should just remember. She doesn't even seem to think I'm trying anymore. I have never tried so hard to do anything in my entire life. But it's like my efforts don't matter. I feel dead inside. Like I've been lured in by one person, and now I'm trapped by someone entirely different. Like nothing I do is good enough. When I try to explain this, we just go around in circles. I just want her to be nicer to me. She doesn't think I'm doing enough. When she's not studying, she's just on her phone or with the baby. It's like if she doesn't want something from me, I'm just part of the furniture. I've spent thousands and thousands of dollars on her bills. I go to work. I watch the baby when I'm not working. I don't get the slightest appreciation or support from her. It's like she thinks I shouldn't need it. I just don't understand. I know it must be frustrating that I forget things. I told her that, I told her I'm trying to be better. But it just bothers her so much. And she gets to angry. I'm tired of being criticized about everything. I'm tired of feeling like my best efforts aren't enough. Like I'm not good enough. The central issue to all of this, I feel, is her awful mother. It's no wonder my wife has trouble with all of this. She's constantly screamed at by her mother. But so am I. And while I try to support her when she needs it, she doesn't seem to think I deserve the same. Like I'm here to take care of everyone else, but I shouldn't need anything in return.

These_Ride_4638

AITA for asking my wife to be nicer to me when giving criticism?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j99w4/aita_for_asking_my_wife_to_be_nicer_to_me_when/

17j99w4

So my younger brother (20M) and his partner (20F) are getting married and I am so, so happy for them! Like I can't wait for his girlfriend to be my in-law sister kinda excited! I just have one concern that I really don't know how to navigate. I know I'm going to be in the wedding party, and I know I am most likely going to make and edit a relationship montage video for them. One of those cheesy videos that starts out with them as kids and shows cute videos and photos of them as they grow up and get together. Now it's not the first time I've done this, since I did the same when my younger sister got married and it was a fairly simple process to edit one for them at that time since I had access to a lot of resources to make it basically for free. It only took a bit of my time, and my sister wasn't that picky with how it looked so I just made one version that looked good and it didn't need any review. For this one I know it's gonna be a little different. My brother's partner is an artist who actually does live wedding paintings for quite a large commission and she's got a very specific aesthetic. They're planning a lot of details in advance and I know my video will be a part of that. I can expect I'll be getting a lot more photos and videos to work with, and also a song to edit to. The big thing for me is It'll cost me more since I don't have the same resources I had with my old job. Also since she'll want to review it, it'll take a lot more of my time to get it right. With that time and money concern in mind, I was considering having them pay me for putting the video together for them. Now I'm not hesitant about asking because I'm concerned she'll lash out like a bridezilla since she's one of the kindest people I know. I feel like she would understand since she does commissions for weddings herself. I'm worried more about what my brother and the rest of my family would think about me asking for a fee of any kind. I feel I would be right in asking since editing is a part of my job and I don't want to work for free. I'd also justify it because I'd have to travel to the wedding and it'd be nice to have some (not all) of the travel costs covered especially since I am a little broke atm. I honestly just feel to shy to ask and don't know how it would play out. I'd want to ask courteously and I would even let her negotiate the rate for editing. I just need some advice here, I really don't want to get into an awkward situation with my family for asking for something so small.

SierraLVX

WIBTA If I charged my brother and his fiancée for making a wedding video for them?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j9dor/wibta_if_i_charged_my_brother_and_his_fiancée_for/

17j9dor

I (30f) have no license but I am planning to get one next yr. It’s always a money thing that all of us know I guess. I have 2 kids (12f and 9f) the 3rd is in coming soon. Since I have my kids my grandpa who lives 4 hrs away from me, always provided a car for my mother, so she could drive the kids to school etc. Back then when my mother(50f) moved to my state 11 yrs ago, I lived in a city where it really was necessary. School and kindergarten were not around the corner. Grandpa always paid the bills for the car, bc my mom doesn’t work (for almost 2 decades, that’s why she could move to my state „effortlessly“) and I was in an apprenticeship back then, so low income. In the beginning of this yr, my grandpa (80m) said that he wouldn’t pay 2000 bucks to repair the old car bc it would be over the price for it. And he wouldn’t get a „new“ one either. His reason: he paid almost 30 yrs for cars my mom had. (Mom got her license while pregnant with me and twin). My bf (27m) and me were ok with it. We never complained and we were like „no car? Cool we have our monthly train tickets and the kids schools r around so no need for that“ and in worst case his mom or grandma live near and have cars. Everything was alright until 2 weeks ago. A little bit of background: mother was with grandpa 3 weeks beforehand bc he needed help around the house. I called a few times and my mother told me, she would get a „new car“ nothing else was said. Bc of the history in my family about such topics I wasn’t amused but I kept quite. On now 2 weeks ago I asked my mother if she could drive me to a hardware store bc we needed a new kitchen counter top. I gave her 20 bucks for gas and we went our way. (It’s a car with 5seats) When we wanted to get out of the car, my mom practically threw her deal with grandpa at me. Grandpa and her plan was it, that I pay insurance for the car, bc my mother only gets money from social service and that wouldn’t be enough to pay it. My eyes obviously went wide and I asked, if she would be for real. Bc I always pay more money for the gas then needed. And I am not really using the car. Once a week at best. She got offended by my question. She said „we bought the car for the baby“ made no sense to me to put the baby on the spot here. Like I said in the beginning we were ok without a car. And if u think about it, 5 seats and we r in total 6 ppl. So one person would always be left out. Bc my mother has a history of turning around words others said, I called my grandpa when I got home to ask if it was also his idea to set me up. He said yes. I tried to tell him that I don’t like the fact to use my baby to buy my mother a car. And set the plan without talking to me first. He got really pissed bc I said I would refuse. His last words were: „if u don’t want to pay, then I will pay but u don’t drive in that car anymore“ I answered with an simple and calm „ok“ and he hung up. I did t speak to him, only sending him best wishes for his birthday. So AITA ?

DaisytheW33b

AITA for refusing to pay insurance for a car that is not mine?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j9eby/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_insurance_for_a_car_that/

17j9eby

I, 16F have been living with both my parents, two younger brothers and my grandmother. My mother is a babysitter and works at home whereas my dad washes cars. My parents were out and I called my mother saying "mom, I'm hungry" my mother responds with "rest my soul" and as I was to ask if there was anything to eat at home, she hung up. My father is angry and starts talking about how I should cook and I'm always stuck up on my phone. I retaliate and say I wasn't stuck up on my phone and that you (him) doesn't know what I do in my room. I hate children. I don't like spending time with them and i prefer my room opposed to the living room. My mother tells me to relax and tone down because I shouted back at my father and I simply told her no. He started shitting on me first and I'm tired of being quiet. I usually do the small things that nobody does, sweep the kitchen floor, clean the bathroom (though my grandmother does this too), wash the wares every now and again, clean the stove, wipe the kitchen counter every now and again. I have been cleaning this house since i was a kid as well, wiping down tables, chairs and cleaning the fans and bathroom but its toned down now. I told him I can't cook tuna because the can opener isn't working, I can't cook sardines, I can't make rice because what will I eat with it? I would make chicken but that chicken doesn't belong to me. He started saying I'm always on my phone and in my room. I am always in my room either on my phone, studying, chatting with friends, drawing, working on my SBA (Basically something i need to do in order to pass my exams to graduate school) or doing homework. I don't always go out in the living room because I prefer my room. My mother told me that she needs to call me a million times in order for me to help,I told her okay I'll work on that but you all can't deny that I do do things that nobody does. She says that I only do things that she calls me for and go back to my room without doing anything without her asking. What the actual am I to do? I did what you ask. My grandmother and I share a room and she (grandmother) said, while I was half asleep taking a nap, that I stay up until 3 in the mrn. I actual do not. The latest I stay up is 12a.m and that's that. I told her that and she did not believe me. When i went back to my room, my father said really loudly that christmas was coming up and that i wouldnt get anything. Last year i got 2 presents. One from my best frind and one from my mother. Im grateful but I'm used to not getting much. That aside, should I really be doing more? If so do tell me. I need advice.

AltBitchesnearU

AITA for shouting back at my parents?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j9i7f/aita_for_shouting_back_at_my_parents/

17j9i7f

So my husband (22m) & I (21f) ended up looking at a multitude of puppies today between the flea market and then our trip to a local shelter. I like to see them of course and I love puppies as much as anyone else. But me and my husband don’t currently live together fulltime. I live in our house, about two hours away and he stays with his parents while he works because that’s just how things worked out for us and we have been making it work with minimal issues. I decided to come down for the weekend with our dog as she has severe separation anxiety as a rescue. And it seems that this had made my husband miss her a lot and so he’s got puppy-fever especially because her attachment to him has been transferred over to me as a result of the living situation. We had been at the shelter looking at a particular dog and his dad said that his mom had the final say. Now don’t get me wrong the puppy we had been looking at was extremely sweet and would make a great dog with proper training & exercise & plenty of chew toys. I did love him but because we couldn’t get ahold of his mother my husband asked me if I could take him home with me. I told him no. And repeatedly told him no that I could not take home a new puppy when I will have no time to take care of it since I’m gone all day. Our dog already has to come to work with me. I can’t leave a puppy home alone all day. This made him upset and he told me I had to be the one to tell the handler at the shelter that we wouldn’t be going through with fostering or adoption. Now it’s not like he was rude towards me but it’s one of those things where when you’ve been with someone for 6+ years you know when they’re upset and can feel that being directed at you. I feel bad because I know he just wants a puppy to love and train. But I can’t take on that responsibility and I would feel far worst having to bring the puppy back to the shelter then simply saying no upfront and not feeling like I was guilted into adopting when I couldn’t provide what that animal needs.

Fabulous-Bit-5223

AITA for telling my husband that I cannot take on a second dog

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j9rmz/aita_for_telling_my_husband_that_i_cannot_take_on/

17j9rmz

For some background, we have a 11 month old puppy, I didn’t want a dog because I’m overwhelmed with a new job and our 2 1/2 year old toddler and I had an elderly 17 year old cat (not the right season for a new pet). My husband told me he was getting a dog whether I consented or not so now we have an 11 month old pit mix puppy. I have made it abundantly clear to him multiple times that it’s his dog and I’m not helping him take care of it. The dog peed on the floor last night, I woke up early with our toddler and let my husband sleep in (thought I was being nice). I noticed the pee a few hours later but didn’t clean it up. I told my husband about it when he woke up and he has been livid about it all day because he thinks I was being intentionally mean and “sinister” by leaving it for him to clean up. He suggested I pose the question to this sub so here we are. AITA?

MemphisAF1988

AITA for not cleaning my husband’s dog’s pee while I take care of our toddler and let him sleep in?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j9uad/aita_for_not_cleaning_my_husbands_dogs_pee_while/

17j9uad

Hello, my husband and I have welcomed my daughter a couple weeks ago. I’m a white American and my husband is Somali. During our wedding I could see a lot of unusual things like the clap and stomp dance the women performed for me. And the amount of gold I was decorated with. I’m not really into jewelry or anything but I appreciated the effort they put into our wedding. The women were all naturally beautiful with longer hair than me. But I was put in the most beautiful dress. My family loved our wedding. After a 1 year I gave birth. My daughter is everything to me. And after a couple weeks my husband asked if we could host a small event like we did with my side of the family. I was reluctant and after a while I agreed. When the party started everything was not as loud. I was given a lot of gifts and a baby basket/carrier. I was again preformed the stomp and clap dancing from the women. And when my mother in law came she had more gold with her. These were for my daughter and I. My side of the family gave me a weird look. I felt uncomfortable. While she opened the gift for me. And the women started ululating . After a couple minutes I took my baby to breast feed and but her in the carrier I was gifted. My mother in law brought another box of gold with my daughter name spelled out in a necklace it was meant for her in a couple years. My sister took me aside and asked if my mother in law was flaunting. She reminded me that this was unusual and not okay. I was mad and I gave the gold back to my mother in law. I said I won’t allow her to spoil my daughter and I. And to stop flaunting. She was shocked and apologized and left the gold with my husband. She sat quietly the rest of the party. AITA?

Quiet_Explorer3556

AITA for calling my husbands side of the family spoiled rotten?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17j9x6g/aita_for_calling_my_husbands_side_of_the_family/

17j9x6g

This is not the first time she (35) has done this. She lives very close to where we usually go out, but never offers for me to sleep over afterwards. I (37) have to make my own way home via transport which takes over 1 hour and leaves me in a precarious situation. I get quite drunk when i go out, and i like to have fun. It hurts that we have known each other for over 1 year (we're not that close but close enough), and she still doesn't try to look after me or save me the journey. I spoke to her about it recently and she said she gets up and does work early and she doesn't want someone in her bed disrupting her usual routines as she's not sure what time i'd wake up. i explained i don't mind this but i'm not a morning person, i would try and leave early. She still won't invite me to stay at her house and would instead rather i take transport back to my place when drunk in the middle of the night. AITA for being furious with her and considering ending this friendship over the fact that she is being selfish and has no regard for my safety?

Conscious-Length8125

AITA for being furious with my friend for leaving me alone and drunk?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ja2bf/aita_for_being_furious_with_my_friend_for_leaving/

17ja2bf

I’m a 35m and the mother of my children Lexi is also 35. We had an extremely healthy breakup (we were never married) so we had an agreement for me to see our kids(16f, 15m,10) every other weekend but they could also stay with me whenever they wanted to. However right now I’m living with my partner Lana and I’m taking care of my stepkids (9m,6f,4m) and she is also expecting so I have to prioritise them at the moment. This weekend was supposed to be the weekend for me to see the kids however I had to cancel as Lana is extremely stressed and didn’t want more people in the house so I obliged, I called Lexi to tell her they can’t come over and she said she would let the kids know. My 16-year-old called me to let me know she was disappointed and she missed me because I had to cancel last time as well I explained to her that Lana was struggling and I needed to be there for her and the kids, she got really upset saying that I love Lana and her kids more than her. I told her that that wasn’t true and I love Lana and her kids as much as I love my biological children. I told her that I could go to lunch with all of them and then go shopping and catch up, they all agreed and we had a great time up until Lana called me and told me she was feeling sick so I had to leave early and head home so Lana could rest. Now my kids are extremely angry at me and they are all refusing to answer my calls. Am I being a bad father or am I in the right? Also, feel free to call out any mistakes I’m not good with grammar!

throwaylesstime

AITA for having less time for my kids?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ja2f8/aita_for_having_less_time_for_my_kids/

17ja2f8

I (29M) grew up playing lego like many of us. One of the first sets I ever received was the lego modular building sets, including the Cafe Corner and Green Grocer. When I was around 14, about 15 years ago, I gave the sets in the box with all instructions to a family friend's son (22M) who was 7 at the time. We are still friends and our families even spend Christmas together. I've just realised that these lego sets are worth thousands of euros now. I'm contemplating asking him during Christmas this year if he still has the sets and letting him know how much they are worth. Im thinking of suggesting that if he isnt still using them that we can sell them and we split the money. Im genuinely conflicted if this would be inappropriate to even suggest this, would I be the asshole?

condor789

WIBTA: Asking for my old lego set back

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ja4vd/wibta_asking_for_my_old_lego_set_back/

17ja4vd

I have a friend group from college who all ended up living in the same area after we graduated. We’re all fairly rich by any reasonable metric. None of us are married or have any debt. My friends are working in tech making >300-400k+ a year, and I got lucky and sold a company for low 8 figures a couple years ago. Whenever we go out to eat, most of us tend to split the bill evenly. None of us take advantage of each other and a few dollars here and there even out and don’t really matter. However, one girl in the group, Jessica, is super anal about splitting money. She’s in the same financial position as everybody else (no debt, no kids, making a whole bunch of money), but she’ll still Cashapp request us for $3. (To be fair to her, she’ll also pay $3 splits even though nobody requests them from her). I find it annoying to be keeping track so closely with people who are supposedly your friends, but to each their own I guess and I live with it. The matter at hand: I am buying a new car, so I am selling my current one. I looked online to see how much my current one was worth, and I verbally offered it to a couple friends in the group a few thousand cheaper than it’s fair value because we’ve never kept track of $ like this, I’m happy to do my friends a favor and it’s less of a hassle than finding a different buyer. Jessica approached me and asked me about purchasing the car. I said sure and offered her a price on the lower end of the suggested range, but still a few thousand more expensive than what I had offered the other friends. Word got back to her of the price I was offering the others and now she’s upset that I’m not offering her the same price. AITA? EDIT: An example. Suppose kellybluebook says it's worth somewhere between 22-25k depending on mileage. My car is taken care of with very few miles so it's worth closer to 25k. I offered it to my other friends for 20k, and to her for 22k. She's still getting a good deal, just not a free 2k I was offering to my other friends.

aita_car_sale

AITA for charging one friend more than the other for my used car?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ja9h6/aita_for_charging_one_friend_more_than_the_other/

17ja9h6

I (f22) am studying abroad where I live with my friend (f21). My boyfriend (m21) has more or left been staying with us for two months as he is initiating in a new a contract where there's an uncertainty as to where his new job will be. Thus, he has been staying with us instead of finding a new place not knowing when he will be forced to leave. My roommate is requesting my boyfriend to pay 1/3 of the rent as well as the bills. Him paying 1/3 of the bills I 100% understand as he should not be her (financial) inconvenience. Although I do not agree that he should pay 1/3 of the rent. My roommate has her own key, two bedrooms, private closets, a private bathroom and shower, space for her stuff, the right to bring anyone home whenever she wants to, rights if the apartment is caught in fire, and so on. While my boyfriend is sharing a bed and bathroom with me. He does not have a private room, closet, bathroom, a key, room to place his stuff, nothing. All he does is share a bed and bathroom with me. He doesn't even store his belongings in the apartment, besides a few pieces of clothing and toiletry. For information, I have one bedroom, one closet and a private bathroom. Like mentioned, I understand him paying his part of the bills. He does not eat any of her food, although he does pay when we go grocery shopping every now and then, which is food she eats and he never asks her to pay him back. Am I the asshole for saying she's being unreasonable?

Character-Low2786

AITA for not accepting my boyfriend paying rent?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jacbo/aita_for_not_accepting_my_boyfriend_paying_rent/

17jacbo

I've started living with my Grandma because rent is extortionate in the UK at the moment as a post-grad, I'm paying rent to her. During this time my grandad had died (her husband). She's been extremely clingy which is normal, but she started to take out her stress on me in the form of criticism and guilt tripping. I recently got into a relationship which is fantastic. Over a holiday, my grandma was looking after my cat. The cat passed away whole I was away and I was very upset. A week later I'm informed my friend had died which made me even more upset, all the while grieving for my grandad. I come back and see my partner at a pub, then we go back home. That night me, my partner, my grandma and my uncle were having dinner together but with all the feelings going on I didn't have the energy to pick my head up. I was really heartbroken. I called it early and my partner and I went to bed. The next morning my grandma came into my bedroom and saw me and my partner together. She tells me she needs to talk to me, so we went to grab some breakfast. She starts saying that she felt underappreciated and lonely the day before, and starts yapping about how ungrateful I am with having not given notice about my partner staying (bare in mind, I pay rent like a roommate would). I break down into tears and leave because I was already upset about what had happened. I sit with my partner and later he leaves. My grandma and I have an argument in the kitchen about the situation. I explain to her that I was feeling upset with everything and didn't mean to make her feel that way, but she tells me that losing a husband was greater than what I was feeling. She tells me again that I am ungrateful and that I should grow up. As soon as she said to grow up, I laughed and left the room because in my mind an argument like that can't be won. I was satisfied with establishing what I said in the argument; I wanted to be left alone, I didn't want her jurisdiction as I do not live at her's for free, I said I would never bring my partner back and told her that we are nothing but roommates from this day forward. It's been quieter, but I can't shake how uncomfortable I feel around her, I don't want to converse with her at all. Am I wrong?

Effective-Carpet6825

AITA for not wanting to interact with my grandma anymore?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jan95/aita_for_not_wanting_to_interact_with_my_grandma/

17jan95

My friend [18F] birthday was a couple weeks ago. I told her that her gift would be late as I [18F] haven’t gotten paid yet and still owed my sister money. My friend is very understanding and very kind. For my birthday she got me a poster and stickers I already owned. For hers I got her a 20$ CD. My mother is telling me i’m a horrible friend for only getting her one thing and adding a hallmark card wishing her a late happy birthday is “poorness.” My mom keeps telling me that i’m a horrible friend for only getting her one single thing even though she got me two things, one of which I already owned and have been gifted numerous times. I feel like an asshole for only getting her a CD and a card but I don’t think that makes me a bad friend

supernaturalfan69420

AITA for only getting my friend a cd for her birthday?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17japyf/aita_for_only_getting_my_friend_a_cd_for_her/

17japyf

me (F19) and my bf (M18) have been together for about 1 year now. we’ve experienced lots together and we’re very much in love. however our personalities are a little different. we recently went to a wedding together. now my bf is asian, and majority of his family is buddhist. however i’m mexican and am catholic. except i don’t really practice anything anymore, i just grew up catholic so i just kinda stuck with it. anyways the couple we went to go see are catholic and held their wedding in a church. my bf has never really been in a church, let alone his family. so it was really easy for him to make God jokes and poke fun of things and the pope and stuff like that. like i said i don’t really practice catholicism anymore so i was confused to why i was offended. i never make any buddhism jokes or poke fun of his idols so why does that happen to me? AITA for getting offended for something i don’t even practice to begin with?

av0cadot0ast9

AITA for defending my religion that i don’t really practice?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jarn3/aita_for_defending_my_religion_that_i_dont_really/

17jarn3

Hi, I (27 F) have been with my boyfriend (29 M) for about 4 years now. Now that the relationship is getting serious and we are discussing the wedding, I have time and again mentioned that I don't want to live with the family after the wedding, but he wants us to. It is not that I have anything against them, but I want an independent life and I like my space. Now he is giving me shit for my choices, and blaming me for not giving his family a chance. I am an otherwise loving person and I would love to take care of his family, but does that mean I cannot choose to have an independent life? Is it necessary for love and care to be expressed only through living with them? I am confused because he keeps mentioning that this is the one thing that is really important to him and he wants me to adjust and keeps saying that relationships and marriages are all about compromises. He is a great guy and he makes me truly happy, and I do see my life with him, but this one aspect is really bothering me.

bansarii

AITA for telling my boyfriend that I don't want to live with the family after the wedding?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jasee/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_that_i_dont_want_to/

17jasee

For context we have been together for 7 years and have also lived together for 5 years and have had the money talk on how we split bills/rent/ groceries which is 60%(him)-40%(me). He has a truck for transportation, and only pays for his gas as it is a company truck. I am working towards getting my license, but in the meantime have been taking cabs to get work and home this last month, which is about $8-$10 each way. I have spent about $200 this month on transportation due to him working out of town a lot. He typically always drives me to work and can sometimes pick me up, but has been out of town almost this whole month for work which is why I have been taking cabs a lot more than I typically do. He makes more in a week, than what I do in 2 weeks. I don’t usually ask for financial help for transportation from him because I usually don’t need to spend more than $100 / month on it. However since this month I have spent quite a bit more I asked for $60 to help since I really can’t afford to be spending $200 to go to work and home with all my other bills I have. He took me asking for help as I think he should be responsible for my cost to get to work and back, when all I wanted was some help as I can’t afford it. When I drive I don’t expect him to support my cost for gas. Am I the asshole for asking for help with money?

Prada_Candy97

AITA for asking my boyfriend for money to get to work?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jau3y/aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_for_money_to_get_to/

17jau3y

I have a boyfriend who's two years younger than me but academically we are very apart since he's one year behind I am one year ahead. I didn't mind this gap as he doesn't go to school and is more involved in the family business. We have been dating since three months but two months ago I had to move and it became a long distance relationship. Lately he's been very upset with me he says I don't call him names or show any affection. I don't like name calling much but I try irl it was different on texts it's different. I don't know how to show affection online. I am mostly busy since I am graduating next year and got finals in three months, he often complains about me being so busy but I can't help it I don't want to be bound to my phone all the time at points I leave it home and just go out without telling him and he expects me to tell him each and every time. I can't be informing him every second it's too much for me not like he doesn't do that he makes sure to tell me all the time but I don't really need to know those either it's fine if he doesn't. Now he's very idle most hours whereas I am busy he's starting to think I don't love him but I don't want to do whatever he expects me to do. Once we almost broke up over this but I thought I wasn't giving us a proper chance. Now I think I wasn't wrong it's all happening again daily arguing and it's endless because according to him I don't do the bare minimum. Today he was like he's jealous of his friend who's girl friend do so much I simply told him to get someone else then. Then he got mad since I asked him to get another girl. He also says I don't get jealous of anything when he tries, am I supposed to fake it now if I don't then I don't. These are the things I have told him before in advance. Now when it's the time to face them he's complaining and asking me to change myself. When I mention breaking up he shares some super sad thing with me or tells how much he loves me. But if he does why wouldn't he get my side. Two of his friends reached out to me about him I didn't like the fact that he's been discussing me there as I don't do that I like to keep these matters especially private and not involving some third party. He keeps making me feel guilty for having a life out of my phone because according to him he sits and wait for me all day. Doesn't want a break up either because he believes I can fix it. I don't think I can it's tiring carrying a relationship on calls or texts for me when I am all day occupied. AITA for not being up to his expectations?

soobinuwuweee

AITA for not wanting to do the bare minimum

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jaua7/aita_for_not_wanting_to_do_the_bare_minimum/

17jaua7

Okay, so I’ve struggled with anger throughout my life. I’m in DBT and doing pretty well. Today my (19f) got in an argument with my boyfriend (19m), our 4 year anniversary is on the 31st. So, I was away to start a painting and I like to watch YouTube whilst doing so. I was trying to turn on the computer but there was something wrong with it and it wouldn’t turn on. This annoyed me (I think it would annoy anyone), so I was talking to myself as I was trying to fix it saying stuff like “ugh this is so annoying” and “what’s wrong with it” mixed in with some frustrated sighs. I also got annoyed because all the cables were tangled up so I said some things like “it’s such a tip under here” yada yada. I was doing this in the computer room which is right beside the living room where my boyfriend was. I did come out the room twice to take some cables and put them in a cable storage box I have in the living room. My boyfriend and this point got pretty angry (he said I was stomping about, I didn’t feel like I was but if he says I was I believe him) and insisted on trying to fix the computer for me, this is where I went from annoyed to angry and shouted back at him “I don’t want your help!” But eventually after we exchanged like 4 words I gave in and went in another room to calm down. Now, on one hand, I think I handled it pretty well. I didn’t start screaming or crying at the computer, I just tried to fix it as I mumbled to myself. And when I did start to get angry I walked away to calm down. It’s been about an hour and my boyfriends still mad at me for brining his mood down. Part of me thinks he’s overreacting because he also talks to himself when he’s annoyed and I just let him do it, on the other I think I may be the asshole because he’s expressed to me before he doesn’t like it when I talk to myself when I’m angry because it upsets him. But at the same time, what else am I meant to do? I looked it up and it is quite normal to self-talk when angry or anxious and it can actually help regulate your emotions. He’s basically asking me to bottle them up and explode later instead of dealing with the issue at a 3/10 level of annoyance. I literally won’t be able to fix any issue that’s annoying me because instead of being able to talk myself through it I’m going to have to be silent and leave every 2 seconds to calm down. I feel like he’s asking me to never get annoyed which is impossible. And it’s not like I’m downplaying it, he said himself that I was “mumbling” under my breath and that he couldn’t really hear what I was saying just that he could hear that I was annoyed and my irritated sighs. So Reddit, AITA? And if so how can I get through things that are annoying me without self-talk?

shammmmmmmmm

AITA for talking to myself when annoyed?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jaxt3/aita_for_talking_to_myself_when_annoyed/

17jaxt3

So this title isn't specific but it's a main point. I have a many friends I would call my parental figures. I think it's important to state that I live with both of my parents, my cousin, and my younger sister in a highly Christian homphobic town, I am pansexual and most of my friends are also part of the community. My biological father and my mom will constantly fight when my dad comes home on the weekends. I am the youngest in my friend group and ever since I congregated into the friend group most have taken me under their wing and just treated me like how a good parent would treat their child. Not saying my parents are horrible but they certainly aren't the best. Anyways this last Saturday I went to my friend house for a Halloween get together. There was also my bsf, the friends s/o and another friend their. I had called my mum (39) to ask if I could stay the night because most of them were also. My dad (43) picked up and I asked. My mum asked their ages and from her tone it was clear that she was thinking that we would be doing inappropriate things. I replied "ew no mum they have a boyfriend and their my father", I usually call this friend father bc they have taken me under their wing and just been so nice to me like how my dad was before we moved. Just that one word sent my mom and dad into a fit on how "degenerate teenagers who don't know if they are a girl or boy can't be my father." Long story short I didn't stay the night and my parents think me, just being and representing myself is too far and I'm pushing their limits. Now I have taken down all my wall art and closed off because I feel like I will make my parents mad again for just being myself. They even brought up the point where they might ground me like they have my trans bf for being with me. (He isn't allowed any tech, going out, anything and he's back to being home schooled) Am I being the asshole in this situation?

Personally_not_here

AITAH for calling my friend "dad"?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jb0ip/aitah_for_calling_my_friend_dad/

17jb0ip

My fiancé (42M) and I (32F) share custody of his kids 50-50 with his ex-wife (42F) and her husband (45M). Until this year, mainly due to his higher income, my fiancé covered all the kids' expenses, irrespective of where they were staying. However, with our upcoming wedding and new house purchase, we felt it was time to split the costs 50-50, to which she agreed. Generally, she covers their food when they're with her and we do the same, while miscellaneous expenses are shared equally. A few months ago, when one of the kids lost her phone, the ex-wife said she couldn't afford a replacement, so we covered it. It's worth noting that the ex-wife and her husband lead a comfortable lifestyle, taking at least two vacations a year and owning a spacious and expensive apartment. Yet, for substantial kids' expenses like trips, it seems we usually foot the bill. Recently, a situation arose: one of the kids needed a winter jacket. She told my fiancé she could only afford a second-hand one. While we were shopping, the kid casually mentioned a $1,500 jacket, saying that his mom and stepdad had recently bought identical ones for themselves. My fiancé was understandably upset. It seemed unfair that she was unwilling to contribute any money for her kid's jacket but could spend $1,500 on one for herself. She responded that she had asked her sister for the money to buy the jacket. I don’t think that’s the case. Regardless of her justification, I believe she should contribute proportionally for the kids. We bought a $500 jacket and asked her to cover $150-$200. She declined, offering only $50, and accused us of being unreasonable. AITA for wanting her to contribute fairly? Edit: I want to clarify that there's nothing wrong with second-hand shopping. However, the way she approached it implied that we should purchase a new winter jacket for the kid. In addition, the kid rarely shops throughout the year and isn't fond of second-hand shopping, unlike his brother who enjoys it. She conveyed that to meet his preferences, second-hand wasn't an option. We didn't confront her about her recent pricey purchase. Instead, we just mentioned, "We bought a $500 jacket, could you contribute $150-$200?" She responded that she could only give $50. That's when my fiancé brought up her $1500 jacket, to which she claimed her sister had funded it and that she also occasionally splurges on herself. Update: I need to clarify a few things. First and foremost, I pride myself on being a dedicated step-mother (official or not), so much so that the children often come to me for assistance, a fact I cherish deeply. Up until now, I've intentionally stayed out of any financial or decision-making discussions involving them, but it's not as straightforward as many assume. For context, while the children's mother's new spouse actively participates in their meetings, I've refrained from doing so. Not because of a lack of interest, but rather, I didn’t desire weekly meetings. It was only this year that I began contributing to decisions. Families are intricate and unique in their dynamics. So now the $500 jacket. We reside in one of Europe's coldest and costly regions. Given our teenager's minimal purchases, we wanted to ensure he had the warmest, top-quality coat. This wasn’t about the cost itself, but the principle and previous agreements. While the ex-wife acknowledged the price was fair, she stated her inability to pitch in more. We've always kept such discussions away from the children. Some insinuate that step-parenting is a peripheral role, but in reality, it's deeply immersive. The extent of involvement often hinges on the dynamic established between the biological parents, irrespective of legal dictates. This Reddit post was intended to seek other opinions, not to encourage pettiness (as some people assumed that was why I was here). I plan to advise my fiancé to have an extended discussion about their roles and what they expect from each other regarding contributions, and then decide on the next steps. Thank you all!

explorenova

AITA for expecting my fiancé’s ex-wife to contribute more towards their kids’ expenses?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jb1mo/aita_for_expecting_my_fiancés_exwife_to/

17jb1mo

Went to family gathering and he drank more than usual. Family member became concerned he was too drunk to drive home. He doesn’t normally drink except at family events, and usually doesn’t drink much. For various reasons I was NOT prepared to sleep over in any way (but was agreeing to although upset) and he was the one who drove and I could not drive. AITA because I asked him to be considerate of me next time when he’s drinking? Truly I was fuming inside and I asked him how are you feeling ? Did you seriously drink that much…? I wasn’t prepared to stay here. Asked him to let me know if things are getting too much so I can prepare myself mentally to stay. Just communicate for christs sake! If you find the social influence of drinking that irresistible then don’t bring someone who is dependent on you. And if you don’t want to have to consider someone else’s needs/time/whatever the hell, then don’t bring someone with you. I felt it was irresponsible and frankly disrespectful. I feel like I could be the asshole for expressing that I was upset. Like it was not the place and time to do it…. He said if roles were reversed he would not complain at all! If I unexpectedly got drunk and we had to stay over at my family’s place then no problem! I think this is such a stupid argument. IM NOT YOU. THE ROLE REVERSAL IS IRRELEVANT. He uses this role reversal argument all the time. I would never do that to you because I’m not a shitty inconsiderate person who expects my partner to just shut up and deal. Edit; he also told me to not come to events with him anymore because he doesn’t want to have to consider me and let me know if he’s drinking too much. He repeated this several times. Edit: he’s a decade older than me and likes to play the power game. He’s an Olympic mental gymnast when arguing. I think he looks down on me because my goal is to always mend the relationship asap so I give in and let him win. I’m so lost now.

Ok-Cycle1545

AITA for asking husband to be considerate of me when drinking alcohol?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jb44a/aita_for_asking_husband_to_be_considerate_of_me/

17jb44a

To provide some context, I (49M) met my wife "Sue" (39F) through mutual friends. We were living in different states at the time, and after we began dating, she eventually moved to the west coast where I live, and we got married. Sue had a significant sense of loss moving to a new state and having to start over in a new city. Over the past 11 years (and two amazing kids), I've been supportive of her visiting her parents and hanging out with her old friends in Illinois. One particular male friend from Illinois, "John" (around 45M), Sue was close with before we got married. Sue goes out to dinner with him and other friends when she visits Illinois, and often John will pick her up from her parents' house so she can have a few drinks, while her mother watches the kids. John has a history of infidelity with multiple women, and he openly shares these affairs and details with my wife. Several years ago, six years into our marriage, Sue started flying back to Illinois every year to throw John a birthday party, even though John's wife doesn't attend, as she prefers to stay home with their daughter. Fast forward to a couple of years ago. Sue went to Illinois to celebrate John's birthday, while I stayed home with the kids. At that time, John was having an affair with an attractive, younger "assistant" at the body shop he owns. This "assistant," would send explicit pictures of herself in lingerie to John, which he shared with my wife. During the party, Sue called me late at night, drunk, and asked if she could go to a strip club with the group. I, trying to be a cool husband, said, "have fun." John drove Sue and his assistant (he is is having the affair with) to the strip club. On the way back, while John was driving, my wife and the assistant engaged in intimate activities in the back seat of his car. Sue felt guilty, called me crying, begged for forgiveness, and flew home the next day. I knew my wife is bisexual, so that part didn't surprise me, and we worked through it. However, Sue continued her friendship with John, which has been a constant source of discomfort for me. Sue believes that her actions that night were not John's fault and that they shouldn't affect their friendship, arguing that I'm being controlling. Fast forward to the present. Our marriage is strained, and I flew home to visit my parents in Arizona. Sue took the kids to Illinois to visit her parents. Two days ago, Sue informed me that she was going out to lunch with John, which is a sensitive topic for us. She also had dinner with John and some other friends last night. Our calls have been tense for the past couple of days. Just to clarify, I'm fine with both of us having friends of the opposite sex, but I'm very uncomfortable with her relationship with John given the history. I'm on my way home now. AITA for being mad at her for going to lunch (alone) and dinner (in a group) with John in the last couple of days?

Intelligent_Tour_223

AITA for being upset about my wife having lunch with a particular male friend (with history)?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jb4al/aita_for_being_upset_about_my_wife_having_lunch/

17jb4al

I work at a office and 3 weeks ago we had a new employee. It's a pretty large building, and there's lots of rooms and hallways, it's almost like a maze. The new employee she sort of knows her way around the building, but not everything. And recently, we were going to have a conference meeting and the room is somewhere downstairs. She obviously didn't know where it was at, so she asked if I could show her where it's at and if she could follow me there. I said yes. When it was time for the meeting we got all our things. She told me that before she goes to the meeting she needs to use the bathroom and wanted me to wait outside. I only waited for 1 minute and then I left without her. I went downstairs to the room. Everyone was there except her. We were waiting on her, but since she took so long he went ahead and started the meeting. 25 minutes later she showed up with the supervisor. She missed half of the meeting. When it was over she asked me why I left without her, and she was lost. I told her something came up and I had to be at the meeting immediately. She had to ask her supervisor where it was at. The real reason I left, I just did it because I wanted to but I didn't want to tell her that.

GlobalAd5697

AITA for ditching my coworker?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jb9x4/aita_for_ditching_my_coworker/

17jb9x4

I (40f) went to an amusement park on Friday with my two daughters. It was my youngest’s first time at this park and I was excited for her. We live close-by so it was a fun day trip we had saved up for and planned in advance. We got there at 8am and spent all day having fun. At around 4pm I found out that my older cousin (48m) had died of a heart attack suddenly the night before. I did not know during the day what had happened. I found out that afternoon when his wife texted me. I was not very close to him growing up. I was much closer to my other cousin, his younger sister (38f). They both lived in another state in the same city and were close. We had recently visited them this past summer. My aunt (their mom) died a couple years ago. Also my younger cousin is struggling with infertility. Anyways her life seems pretty horrible and it feels like she takes it out on me. She’s short with me and honestly seems jealous since my life is pretty good right now. Anyways I sent her a text telling her I heard her brother died and that I would call her that night or the next day. I let her know that I was at an amusement park and thought it wouldn’t be in good taste to call while I was there. She then texted me saying it sounded like I was having fun with my family and that I shouldn’t bother calling because she didn’t feel like talking. I said sorry again but I’d been there since 8am and I was tired. She didn’t write back which bugged me. I tried calling her that night. She didn’t pick-up. I know her and she seemed upset with me. I texted her again the next day. I apologized (again) and told her to reach out any time. I said it was tragic and unfair her brother died. She texted back thanking me for apologizing and agreed it is tragic. Thinking we were good I posted pictures of my trip to the park on Facebook. I was excited to share how fun it was for us. I heard my cousin saw my post and was upset about it. Now she’s not texting me back. I don’t know what her problem is. Did I do something wrong?

HappyMom4502

AITA for having fun with my family?!

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jbbi4/aita_for_having_fun_with_my_family/

17jbbi4

I (F31) have been seeing this guy (M34) gor several week and we have been on several dates (most have which have involved me picking him out and taking him to my house to chill). At the beginning he was sweet and said things that made me believe it would go somewhere. Recently I felt like he was becoming aloof towards me after he cancelled our arrangements twice in a row an hour before he was supposed to come over to my house, after I had cleaned up and prepared for him to come over. I made I clear that that had triggered me because I have an unsecure attachment style (which I have had therapy for) and wanted communicate with him my boundaries. He seemed to understand my needs andapologied. I also told him that I would like to know when I would see him next between dates as that would also help me feel less anxious. Fast forward to a week ago, I still hadn't heard about seeing him again so I asked him if he was free on a certain day and he came over to my house as usual and I made food for him and we had a nice time. Several days after, he still hadn't mentioned when we were next going to see each other, which was making me feel anxious. I decided to message him and say that I was getting a bad feeling about our situation and that my gut instinct was telling me that something was off, to which he replied and said that he was sad about and that I need to figure out why so that I don't hurt both of us. The reason why I told him this is that I believed we could work it out and I didn't want to act on instinct by pulling away and detaching secretly. I then told him that I was feeling anxious because we hadn't made any plans and that also I sensed there was some cynicism in him about relationships (he had previously mentioned that relationships are fleeting and that they're usually just lessons that we move on from, and that people just turn into assholes) and I also said that my dodgy attachment style was at play here and took accountability for that too. I also said that I was used to men being g more forthcoming and that's what I was comfortable with. His response was that he had a massive issue about what I was saying, that I was trying to manipulate him and he won't have it and that he thinks he is an excellent communicator and very committed. After I didn't reply to his message because I was stumped for words, he then unsent the message the following day. We haven't had contact since but I'm now wondering if there was any truth in what he was saying? Could I have handled this differently? Was I wrong for being upfront from the start about my needs? Or should I have tried to keep them to myself?

Extension-Employer-7

AITA for the way I handled this early dating exchange?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jbe38/aita_for_the_way_i_handled_this_early_dating/

17jbe38

My MIL (f71) lives with my husband (m41) and me (f38) because she has advanced dementia. We haven't put her in a memory care facility due to how expensive it is and none of the ones that she CAN afford are any decent in this area. I am her primary caregiver, ensuring that she has everything she needs, makes it to her appointments, etc., and have been for basically the last decade. Things are difficult most days due to constantly being asked the same questions 5 times in 20 minutes, her getting verbally abusive toward me because I keep telling her what she can and can't do/eat (she is also diabetic and is determined to eat as much sugar and junk food as she can get her hands on.) We don't get really any help from her family except for maybe a few days out of the month. Her other kids do absolutely nothing to help us. Her sister (68f) has recently stated that we don't do anything to actually take care of her and that she needs to be in a home. When we explained the situation and how she cannot afford to go to a decent one, her solution was to visit her every day or that we pay it out of our income to subsidize what she had left. We have 2 kids, 1 of which we are paying for college, so there's no way that we would be able to do that. And she she said she can't afford to help either. She also doesn't drive further than 10 miles away from her home and absolutely will not drive if it's dark. Sister basically called us garbage people because we refuse to put MIL in a home and basically insinuated that we only keep her around for her money. MIL honestly doesn't get much in the way of SSI and her deceased husband left her with absolutely nothing. No pension, no retirement, she did get a small amount of survivors benefits from SSI as he was fully disabled by the time he passed 8 years ago because he had been an alcoholic most of his life. After hearing about this from my SIL (lives in same area, barely does anything to help out) my husband decided that MIL is not to go over to her sister's house any more. More because he's worried that she will try something like get guardianship over MIL and throw her into one of the facilities just because she feels it's right. We know that will absolutely kill MIL within a year. After we told MIL this, she threw a fit because she's an adult and if she wants to visit her sister, she should be able to. Which I don't disagree, but she's not looking at the bigger picture. Her sister also said straight to my face, with MIL there, that MIL is not her responsibility a few months ago. We basically explained that we feel it is safer for her to not go there any more, but both MIL and her sister feel like we are trying to cut MIL off from her family. Her sister had also stated in the past that there's no way she can care for her and she can barely stand to be around her for more than 3 days. So am I (we) the a-holes here?

thelandofwhatever

AITA for telling my MIL she can't visit her sister any more?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jbf7w/aita_for_telling_my_mil_she_cant_visit_her_sister/

17jbf7w

I (17f) have two best friends N (17m) and A (17f). We have been good friends for a while and we are close to each other. But N is a very jealous and competitive person. Whenever he plays any game with me and A, and if he loses he starts acting weird. He would stop talking to us for days, or doesn't pick our calls or send half hearted replies. Sometimes even making backhanded comments like "yeah ofcourse you'll play with him, instead of me.". This attitude of his always bothers me and I have fought with him many times over his jealousy. He always ended up profusely apologizing to me and promising each time that he would work on his behaviour. But nothing ever changed. So I'm a professional chess player. N knew about it a couple of months ago and on the same day asked me to play chess with him. We played 4 games, he lost all of them. After the game he completely stopped talking to me even at school despite my efforts to start a conversation with him. I started talking to him less as well and then he confronted me, begging (yes, quite literally) that we spend more time as he really likes to be with us. Seeing how usept he truly got i let go of my anger and we went back to normal. Day before yesterday, i was playing 3d chess and seeing me online he joined me. We were playing two different games of our own. I wasn't spectating his game but from his comments on the public chat I could tell that he was losing. And he came across en passant (a move which most beginners are not aware of), he got shocked. And then in the public chat he said "sh*t move, absolutely sh*t game" and rage quit. I got so mad, not because he called my professional sport sh*t but the fact that he's aware that a close friend of his is a pro and yet he insults that very sport. After I was done with my game I told him that insulting chess was not cool. He only replied with "ok". That left me livid. I told him he should apologise because making fun of any sport is unbecoming of him. He then gave me a sarcastic apology (I apologise to my chess god, magnus Carlsen, do I need to apologise to hikari too?). The apology was absolutely insincere. I was too mad but decided to just not entertain him further. Next day, I told A everything about it and she told me I'm overreacting. I told her that, this particular incident is not the only reason that made me blow up. Anytime he would lose to me in chess, or lose to anybody in general in chess he would give me a cold shoulder, or talk to me with a passive aggressive undertone. I found it very uncomfortable. A just said I should suck it up since he too does the same with her. I simply told her just because she's tolerant of him it doesn't mean I have to do the same. N must have sensed my anger cuz he has been trying to talk to me and come back to normal but I have kept all my conversations minimal, only necessary stuff like asking about assignments or what's the page number. ETA: A told me he asked her whether I have periods since I was acting irritated. This just pissed me off further because he refuses to take any accountability for his behaviour and labels my "periods mood swings" to act this irritated. FYI I didn't have my periods.

throwaway23032003

AITA for "overreacting" to my friend

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jbhpl/aita_for_overreacting_to_my_friend/

17jbhpl

I am a college going student. Recently there was a freshers party. A known who lives near me asks if I can take him to the party at college. I obliged. We went there. Had an ok night. When I was leaving with my other friends for dinner, he came to my car and forcefully put a drunk friend in my car and asked me to take him to his nearby friend's apartment. I became EXTREMELY angry and I lashed at him but eventually I caved in because of my kind heartedness because his whole group was pleading. The apartment although was just a 1 min drive I got a few scratches because of narrow roads (welcome to India). And I got mad again. After we dropped him we both went to the place for dinner where our other friends were waiting. I got another scratch and this time cussed the 2 wheeler rider but my friends stopped me. After the dinner that same guy had the audacity to say that he will take me back. What am I? His cab driver? His way to save money? So I did something petty. I called my mom and told her to message and call me urgently to go to my grandfather's house in another city (an hour approx.) I put her on loud speaker so that scumbag can hear it. After that I pretended to hastily sum up the photoshoot and head there. I gave back his belongings, turned the car around in speed and dashed towards my real home just in case he saw me. Tldr- I kicked a guy out of my car because he put a drunk friend in my backseat. AITA?

scorpionhunter5

AITA for kicking out my friend for a ride because he put a drunk friend in the backseat?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jbkq9/aita_for_kicking_out_my_friend_for_a_ride_because/

17jbkq9

Me (F22)bought a full-size mirror for my room. My flatmmate and college (F23), who also needed a mirror, offered to pay me half the Price 100$ to put it in the hallway. I would prefer to have them in my room because it would be more comfortable there, but I agreed. Now I'm moving out and I want to take the mirror with me, but she thinks the mirror is half hers. I never wanted to give her the mirror. I took the money in exchange for the opportunity to look in the mirror. I didn't give her the money back and just took the mirror. She calle me a stealer. Did I do the right thing?

FuzzyBuzzy01

AITA for not giving my friend money for my mirror?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jbkug/aita_for_not_giving_my_friend_money_for_my_mirror/

17jbkug

Back when I was 10-17 my mother would go out every night to party and go clubbing and never fed me. My father passed away when I was 9 months old. I finally moved out when I was 18 to live with my (now fiancé) to get some freedom. My fiancé and I live a happy life together with twins. My mother came to me last week asking for $2,000 cash to pay back a purse that she stole and lost. I refused because I need that money for my babies and food. I told her that she should’ve never stolen the purse in the first place. She called me a bitch and left. Yesterday she came back to me asking for $4,000. Once again I refused and told her i needed it. She yelled at me insisting that I give her the money. I made her get out of my house and told her no. She’s been calling me nonstop telling me that I’m in the wrong and that I’m selfish.

astr07d

AITA for not giving my narcissistic mother money?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jblgk/aita_for_not_giving_my_narcissistic_mother_money/

17jblgk

I (16f) have an older brother (23m). He stays at home being overweight and playing videogames all day and he's a man child. So we went grocery shopping today and he bought muffins and I thought they were for everyone because when we usually all go together we get food for all of us, me, my brother, and my sister (21f). But in recent weeks he's been getting worse and getting things all for himself and being more spoiled and jerk like. So when we were putting the groceries away he opened his muffins that he bought and I took one and partially ate it. He saw it and swore at me saying that he would f**king k*ll me. My mom said she would just buy him more but he swore at her too. He also said that I don't give him anything either, but the thing is I think he steals my money. My "proof" is that I supposed to have 50 dollars in bills and not coins. But last night I was getting money to get snacks for a movie with my friend but I only had 35 dollars and I keep my wallet at home and I don't really buy anything. The only people at home while I'm at school is my mom in brother since he failed and dropped out of college. My sister also stays home but only on Tuesdays and when I asked her about it she said she hadn't seen anything and she doesn't go in my room when I'm not there since she doesn't have the same interests as me. But my brother randomly has the chance to get new games that seem a little out of his budget. So AITA?

TheGlitchingRose

AITA for eating my brother's food without his permission?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jbozy/aita_for_eating_my_brothers_food_without_his/

17jbozy

So I had a crush on this guy at school. It was a simple hallway crush I barley saw him and I would never talk to him. My friend told him I liked him and apparently he liked me back. We kept it at this mutual pinning level for a month and then he added me on Snapchat. I talked to him but he never came up to me at school. I’m really shy around people I never talk to. I told him this but he expected me to every thing ‘coupley’. I would try having a normal conversation with him and all he would do is ask if I could talk to him at school or call him first. At one point I even told him can you call me first. Or sometimes if I was busy flat out told him I’m busy but he wouldn’t care and think I was using my shyness or the fact I have a life to ignore him. I have a friend and she rooted for us the hole time. When I opened up about these problem she defended him and told me I’m thinking to much into it. It was my birthday and he told me he likes me. I tell him I like you to and he then he hits me with the do you want to date. I cant say no to people since I’m scared that’s gonna ruin any reputation I have whatsoever so I ask my friend and she pure pressures me into dating him. I tel her multiple times that i want to but she doesn’t really care. Through the whole month of us dating it was summer and my mom and stepdad took me out everywhere and I didn’t go on my phone a lot so this would cause me to ignore him in some way. I would get home and get on my phone immediately to tell him I’m sorry and I went out he didn’t like this becuase he would always go “okay… just try to answer me next time” and I would still be madly in love. I started to “ignore”his text more becuase i was staying with my mom and tried being off my phone as much as possible. My friend thought I was bitching but I didn’t really care becuase hey boyfriend was just getting madder and madder at me the more I went out and couldn’t say goodmorning and answer the could we call tonight every morning. Then he broke up with me I didn’t really notice becuase I was liteallry farming non tears of Themis for the anniversary but I went on Snapchat and see my friend soaking me she tells me I’m Terriable and made him feel Terriable and I’m a HORRIABLE person and that I should’ve answered him. I DIDNT get why she cares so much but apparently she really liked him. It turns out that he was tlaki to other girls the whole time and was actually being reminded to talk me while I was always thinking about him and wondering if I had sniffing one to answer him when I got home. Now him and that best friend I was talking about are dating. And also he had been bad mouthing me the whole time and saying I made the relationship go Ina downfall and sent him to therapy. Am I the asshole?

No-Nothing3378

AITA for sending a guy to therapy

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jbtcq/aita_for_sending_a_guy_to_therapy/

17jbtcq

so basically I (16f) was speaking to this lad that I really liked so I asked my (f16) bestfriend what her opinions was on him. she proceeded to call him ugly and that I should stop speaking with him. a couple weeks later I find out that not only has she been messaging him but also meeting up with him alone behind my back. I confronted her about it and she got angry with me and walked away. the next day she sent mixed messages not only hurtful ones but also apologetic messages and said it was my fault and I shouldnt of stopped speaking to him, so I blocked her. Am I the asshole?

shaunarevil2021

AITA for conducting my (f16) bestfriend about what she has done?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jbuma/aita_for_conducting_my_f16_bestfriend_about_what/

17jbuma

I (F31) have been seeing this guy (M34) for several weeks and we have been on several dates (most have which have involved me picking him up and taking him to my house to chill). At the beginning he was sweet and said things that made me believe it would go somewhere. Recently I felt like he was becoming aloof towards me after he cancelled our arrangements twice in a row an hour before he was supposed to come over to my house because he was too tired, after I had cleaned up and prepared for him to come over. I made it clear that this triggered me because I have an unsecure attachment style (which I have had therapy for) and wanted communicate with him my boundaries. He seemed to understand my needs and apologied. I also told him that I would like to know when I would see him next between dates as that would also help me feel less anxious. Fast forward to a week ago, I still hadn't heard about seeing him again so I asked him if he was free on a certain day, and he came over to my house as usual and I made food for him and we had a nice time. Several days after, he still hadn't mentioned when we were next going to see each other again, which was making me feel anxious. I decided to message him and say that I was getting a bad feeling about our situation and that my gut instinct was telling me that something was off, to which he replied and said that he was sad about and that I need to figure out why so that I don't hurt both of us. The reason why I told him this is that I believed we could work it out and I didn't want to act on instinct by pulling away and detaching secretly. I then told him that I was feeling anxious because we hadn't made any plans and that also I sensed there was some cynicism in him about relationships (he had previously mentioned that relationships are fleeting and that they're usually just lessons that we move on from and that people just turn into assholes in the end anyway) and I also said that my dodgy attachment style was at play here and took accountability for that too. I also said that I was used to men being more forthcoming and that's what I was comfortable with. His response was that he had a massive issue about what I was saying, that I was trying to manipulate him and he won't have it and that he thinks he is an excellent communicator and very committed. He also said that he's done nothing wrong he's not cynical but a realist. After I didn't reply to his message because I was stumped for words, he then unsent the message the following day. We haven't had contact since, but I'm now wondering if there was any truth in what he was saying? Could I have handled this differently? Was I wrong for being upfront from the start about my needs? Or should I have tried to keep them to myself? Tldr; should I feel bad and like a manipulator because I told a guy what my needs are to feel secure early on in the relationship?

Extension-Employer-7

AITA for the way I handled this early dating exchange?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jbxe8/aita_for_the_way_i_handled_this_early_dating/

17jbxe8

I (16 f) asked my mom if I could go trick or treating with some friends shes only met once. She was understandably wary since she doesn’t want to hand me to someone she doesn’t know well and I get that I’d be worried too. The problem is she told me she also doesn’t want to let me go because I’m an “adult” who doesn’t need to go trick or treating anymore and it’s simply adding stress to them who don’t have the time. I started getting mad at that because it’s so convenient for her so call me an adult or child depending on the situation and I just hate being called an adult because it gives extra responsibilities but no pay off like getting to go anywhere I want or having sex (I don’t want to have sex it’s just an example) the worst part is I never follow through with these responsibilities so I’m just a failure. I’m also mad that she’s said she doesn’t have any time I know it’s half true but it’s just this one time of the year and the things she’s busy with aren’t even important she just likes deep cleaning the house when it’s already clean enough. She told me that I already get to go to family parties all the time so I don’t need to go but I still think Halloween is really important since it’s one of the main damn holiday’s that only happens once a year. I get that she’s works a lot and should take a break but she helicopter parents me so much I need either freedom to go to places or for her to have the time. I can also ask my dad which I think I will but the thing is while we don’t hate each other we both neglect each other a lot and our only conversations are either hello how was work or him yelling at us where something is or to do something. He’s not a bad father though I do think he loves us we just don’t have a good relationship. Am I being a spoiled brat right now or am I kinda right? Sorry if I have to much info and thank you for reading this!!

OwnDefinition327

AITA for fighting with my mom

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jc1mr/aita_for_fighting_with_my_mom/

17jc1mr

My wife (40f) and I (35m) have been married for a 7+ years. She’s always been explosive and dismissive. Always telling me that I probably had a conversation concerning something in my head but never with her. For many years this went on but recently I started recording our conversations so she could understand that the conversation happened and that I’m not to be blamed for something we agreed or didn’t agree too- this takes place when making decisions and she is aware of it taking place. Ive thought of it kind of like making a contract. The biggest gist is that now she finds it disturbing that I record for accuracy. I know it’s simple and small but it matters to me. Did I do the right thing or AITA?

Aggravating-Fan3872

AITA for recording conversations?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jc31y/aita_for_recording_conversations/

17jc31y

I am 35f and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago. And has since had a mastectomy and is about to start chemo in a few days. I've been staying at her house for a few weeks, cooking, cleaning and helping with anything she needs help with. It's been rough on me since I've always lived alone and I'm starting to resent her alot. I've live on my own since I was 16. Before the age of 16 my mother was emotionally abusive and didn't take care of me. Her days were filled with work and nights spent arguing with my step father over his cheating. My mother made it her mission in life to let me know how much she hated me, wished I was never born and how much I messed her life up. When I moved out I moved in with my dad who was a crack head and my life was a series of events that shattered me. But now I've put the pieces back together. All of this to say that my mother was never a mother to me, even as an adult she would say things like "make sure your life insurance is up to date, I can't afford funeral" or "don't get sick because there's no one here to take care of you" we ( meaning her and my brother) have our lives to live". My younger half brother is the child she loves because he got everything and was spoiled rotten. One time I had surgery and she saw me the day of and never after that while recovering. Now that she's about to start chemo, she wants me there at the house 24/7 running every time she calls, catering to her every need. I work from home so my job to her isn't a real job. I have no privacy. She tries to control my every move from what I do with my hair to what I eat, typical mom stuff I get it, but she's never been a mother. I'm an introvert by nature and I need time alone to get my mind right, but at her house I can't shit alone, I can't shower without her barging in and, she's always searching my things. Honestly, I know she's my mother, and I want to do my duties and help her out, but I can't stand to be near her. My brother gets off scotch free and gets to live his life and I'm stuck being a care taker to someone I barely like. I'm willing to pay someone clean and cook for her, and help her out a few days a week. And I see her on weekends. Am I the axxhole for wanting to love my mother and be supportive from afar instead of living with her?

Limp_Tip_4977

AITA For not wanting to live with my mom?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jc8hf/aita_for_not_wanting_to_live_with_my_mom/

17jc8hf

My friend Kelsey (F29), whom I've known for 25 years, is getting married, and I'm one of her bridesmaids. While we're not chat-daily close, but we've always been there for and honest with each other. I met her cousin and Maid of Honor, Gina, for the first time while carpooling alone with her to the bachelorette party. Gina, who is 7-10 years older than the rest of us, started complaining almost immediatley once I got in the car. About being the Maid of Honor, our age vs her age, the wedding, the brides family and more. I listened and empathized where I could, as I've been single and in multiple weddings myself this year and understand the finacial burden and insecurities they can bring up. Gina continued to be negative at the bachelorette party, keeping to herself and not participating much. She wouldn't eat the food we had made or brought and ordered her own meals. Despite our efforts to include her, she stayed distant. Kelsey was annoyed with this behaviour, and a week later asked me what Gina had said during our car ride there and back, I initially hesitated and refused to say anything as I didn't want to cause drama. The interrogation continued, and she started asking specfic questions, one being " What did she say about \[fiance name\]" and I eventually let out that Gina thinks Kelsey's fiancé is racist and homophobic, based on city peoples stereotypes about people from rural areas. I just wanted to get her to stop interrogating me, give her something to validate her feelings, but also something I didn't think would upset her much or damage her relationship with her? But it did. She was mad and upset, not at me, but at the cousin Gina. Kelsey has been trying to get Gina to have a conversation on the phone (without context of what I actually told Kelsey) but she refuses. Gina however is very comfortable texting, sent me a text saying that what I did was shitty, that I broke her "trust" and she thought the car was a "safe space" and that I'm selfish for "running and telling Kelsey and making her upset before her wedding". AITA for telling my oldest friend the negative thing her cousin / MOH said about her fiance after being asked directly?

eatingketchupchips

AITA for telling my best friend that her cousin/Maid of Honour thinks her fiance is racist and homophobic?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jcabr/aita_for_telling_my_best_friend_that_her/

17jcabr

I (f30) am currently pregnant and have recently told my friend josie (f28). My partner and I have been together for 10 years and we have 4 cats together, all rescues. Upon finding out about my pregnancy, my friend asked me what we were going to do with the cats. I asked her what she meant by that. She gave me the whole thing about pregnant ladies not being able to change litter boxes, blah blah blah and that I should give my cats away to protect the baby. I told her that this was not happening. If I were to get toxoplasmosis I probably had it by now (grew up with cats, my family had cats before I was born and after). I always had cats. And besides, gloves exists and washing hands and my partner can chan her the litter box anyway. I tried to explain this to her politely. She was shocked and couldn’t believe how I could be so flippant about my child’s health and that I would be a shit mother for putting cats above my child. I told her she had no idea what she was talki about and I would be a horrible mother if I taught my child that animals are disposable (they’re not! They’re part of the family). She scoffed and called me an asshole. She then started telling everyone at work (we work together) and the ladies all agreed with her and believe that I should be getting rid off my cats. Am I really the asshole here?

FancyConstruction812

AITA for not getting rid off my cats?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jck2t/aita_for_not_getting_rid_off_my_cats/

17jck2t

I (23m) have a girlfriend (23f) that we'll call Anna for the sake of this story. 3 years ago Anna fell into depression. She'd lock herself in her room for hours on end and would shout at me if I came close to her to try and comfort her, she told me that I'll never understand because I'm not as depressed as she was. Id make food for her but she would say I made it wrong so she's not eating. I knew that I couldn't comfort her the way she wanted me too and I understood that sometimes my comfort just isn't enough. So I looked into a comfort pets and found rats. I thought they where perfect since they like to play a lot and our very loving. But they only live 2-3 years. I was sceptical since I didn't want them to pass and for her to be more upset. But I pitched the idea to her anyway. She was ecstatic. She said she knows she'll be sad when they pass but ultimately they'll help her grow as a person. So I bought her 2 rats named Coco and Chewy. She was so so happy and I watched her gorgeous smile come back. But unfortunately yesterday (2 years later) they both passed away. Anna blew up at me and said I must be the devil himself to trick her into falling in love with them just to take them away and that i did this to her on purpose. I told her that wasn't the case at all but she cut me off throwing the ball off the table at me saying I should be the one dead. I felt so hurt but before I could respond she locked herself in out room. I'm so hurt but I'm starting to think it is my fault for knowing how long they'll live but till pitching the idea anyway. So AITA?????

Excellent_Falcon_119

AITA for buying my girlfriend rats?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jcqij/aita_for_buying_my_girlfriend_rats/

17jcqij

I 29M finally have my own house and I bought new furniture for it.  I invited my sister over to come see my new place and have dinner.  She shows up and has dog hair all over her clothes.  I saw it and told her she can't sit on my new couch.  I don't want dog hair on it.  She goes are you kidding me?  I have to stand the whole time?  I offered her a bar stool.  A hard surface that is easier to clean.  She says i'm being ridiculous.     She proceeds to sit on my couch so I asked her to leave.  She seems shocked by my request.  I told her I was serious, she can't sit on my couch with her disgusting clothes.    It gets real awkward and she tells me i'm being a ridiculous asshole.  I open the door, say get out.  She finally leaves but isn't happy about it.   10 minutes later I get a call from our mom asking what is going on.  I tell her and she too says I was being ridiculous. So AITA?

Sudden-Drink-5978

AITA for not kicking out my sister for sitting on my couch?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jcr84/aita_for_not_kicking_out_my_sister_for_sitting_on/

17jcr84

A buddy I've known for years is having a rising career and becoming richer and starting to say insensitive things whenever we catch up. One example is when I shared my dissatisfaction with my shabby apartment, his reaction was **why don't you get a bigger one — it's not really that difficult, is it?** I was pretty sure that he was aware of the recent wealth gap between us — isn't it obvious that everyone goes through different financial stages over their lives? What's easy for you at this moment may not be easy for me at all, right? So I took offense at those remarks and took a stand and confronted him. And he became very defensive and said that he was not responsible for my sensitivities. Basically excuses like he was just offering his opinion from his perspective and it was up to me if I found it useful. But I cannot accuse him for being insensitive and if I have to it's my problem. AITA?

haribozero

AITA for being sensitive to my friend's remarks?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jctt1/aita_for_being_sensitive_to_my_friends_remarks/

17jctt1

I am 15 yr old girl and am ugly. I know someone is gonna say no your beautiful the outside doesn’t matter but I am ugly. Numerous people in my school have told me, my aunt has hinted at it, am just not pleasant to look at. I have tried making friends but am either made fun of or my thought closes up and I forget how to talk all together so opt to making friends online. I tried this app IMVU. And I met this girl there, it was hard to meet genuine people because some people are weird. But she really nice, she doesn’t ask for explicit pictures or anything weird. We have been talking about meeting up. She told me her mom doesn’t mind driving her all the way to meet me and I know my mom would never allow that so I invited her over and told her my address. I told my mom my friend is coming over and she was happy at first and asked me about her and I told all about her and told her I know her from online. My mom called me stupid for weeks and took my phone & laptop from august until now and deleted imvu even tho she saw that the messages weren’t weird. Now I have to resort to using a library computer, . Am soo upset, my online friends were my only outlet and my mom took them away from me and I lost my opportunity to meet my best friend. Am I being stupid?

Sweet-Aerie-3041

AITA for inviting a friend over

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jcvmf/aita_for_inviting_a_friend_over/

17jcvmf

This past week my wife and I have been running around a lot with family obligations. We have had to take my youngest daughter to soccer practice and older daughter to field hockey practice. We had other events at night for our work and have been much like two ships passing in the night. Earlier this week my wife asked if we could go out on Saturday night. I told her that sounded like a great idea and I was looking forward to it. We have neighbors next door to us who have a daughter around our daughter's age and our families are friends. We often invite them over for dinner or we will hang out at their house for some drinks. We're good friends. My wife will often invite those neighbors over on a Friday night and tell me that she did so the day of. She will also invite other friends of ours over to the house or to go out to dinner with us or after the movies with us and it's always an addition to our evening. Sometimes I was not planning on hanging out with other people but that's okay I'm not worried about it, it's fun. On Friday night I was at an event for my daughter's school and I ran into our neighbors who were there. I asked them if they wanted to hang out this weekend, they said yes. I said that we were planning on going out to dinner on Saturday night and wondered if they wanted to join us. They expressed interest in that and we left it at that. The neighbor texted my wife on Saturday, and commented about going out. My wife sent me a text asking me about whether or not I had invited them and I told her that I did. My wife proceeded to get very upset and ask me why I would invite other people on our date. She said that she felt like she wasn't enough on the date and that I needed other people there to have fun. I do not see it as the case, I see it as just an additional level of fun to a night that we were going to have out. Similar to her inviting someone over to the house or out to the movies or out to dinner with us previously....it's something she has done in the past and i believed was fine. I told my wife that I misunderstood the level of desire to spend time just the two of us that she had. We did not argue about it...we just went back and forth on it for a while. My wife was very upset about it. She eventually got over it, but it was several hours of her being hurt and angry. To me, it felt like she was misrepresenting my desires (in her words: that she isn't enough so I needed others) and getting upset with me for feeling a way I did not. My actions, yes, she can be upset. My intentions, they were good....I wanted to add to the night and have fun together. AITA for inviting our friends along for date night?

RedactedWordsmith

AITA for inviting our neighbor friends along on our date night?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jd5ej/aita_for_inviting_our_neighbor_friends_along_on/

17jd5ej

One of my flatmates is driving me insane, he's being such a control freak in regard to people putting food in the bin; it was manageable at first but every single day, it's a new lecture from him about people putting food in the bin. That's what a bin is for? He sent a passive aggressive text to the flat gc the other day being like "Someone left 80% of a sandwich in the bin, that's way too much to put in the bin" and every single time I go in the kitchen it's "someone put biscuits in the bin and-" on repeat, just constant fucking lectures about people putting food waste in the bin - when that's what the bin is meant for??? It's a communal bin! A communal bin! We're on the tenth floor and he wants us to go /all the way down/ to the outside bins just to throw away food with his reasoning being that food rots and it fills up the bin quicker vs the rota and stuff but like. Once again, that is what a bin is for? He's made me so self-conscious about my eating through all this too, I've never been self-conscious about my eating before but now every fucking day it's stuff like "there was thrown away pasta in the bin-" (sometimes throwing away food is just... unavoidable!) A small pot of pasta fell out the pot onto the floor earlier in the week so obviously had to all be binned and he was having a go at me for putting food in the bin when like... ONCE AGAIN, IT'S A BIN, A COMMUNAL BIN? That's where food waste goes! For flip sake! Sorry for the ramble, I'm just so tired; he's driving me insane, I hate being self-conscious about how much I eat and I hate everything about this, I spoke to friends cos I was miffed and was surprised when they agreed with me cos I'd been feeling bad about feeling miffed over this and they were like "Yeah no that's really weird actually" and just, idk. He's driving me up the wall, I dread being around him because he's gone from being a really nice guy to THIS, I don't know what to do lol Am I the bad guy here?

SocksIsTheCat

AITA: My flatmate is driving me insane

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jdfcn/aita_my_flatmate_is_driving_me_insane/

17jdfcn

My husband (54M) and I (54F) have two sons, Leighton (13M) and Weston (11M). My father (92M) has been living with us for the past year as his dementia has been getting worse. Over the past 3 months, my father has been increasingly referring to Leighton as “Russell”. Russell was my father’s brother. I never met Russell, as he and a friend, James, along with James’s parents, died in a car crash in 1956 when Russell and James were 15. My great-grandparents were wealthy enough to have color photos of the family back then. I’ve seen photos of Russell, and I will say Leighton looks like he could be his great uncle’s twin. My kids have been asking who Russell is, and I’ve just told them he was my uncle who died young. When they ask for more details, I just tell them I don’t know much about him and that my father/their grandpa was not in a state to talk about him. My father never talked about Russell to the grandkids, and when I was a kid, rarely brought him up. About 8 years ago, my father and I were in the bedroom and were talking about gay marriage due to news around it. That’s when he told me he had a secret he wanted to tell me. He told me that when Russell and James were 13, his family had caught the boys acting romantically. After that, Russell was scolded by the family for his homosexuality. He told me the only reason they let the boys remain friends is they didn’t want this information to be public. He told me Russell was always “effeminate” and how his family would mock him for that. My father admitted he participated in the mocking and how he regretted it later in life. He said Russell would cry over this often, and looking back later in life made him (dad) feel terrible. Last week, I was at the doctor’s office with Leighton for a minor injury he had from baseball when I got a call from Weston’s teacher that he had been saying some homophobic things in class. She explained he was using the f slur, “gay” as an insult and mocking a boy for being “fruity”. In the car after we left, Leighton told me he’s heard some of the kids in his grade from the robotics club (which Weston is in) use that language. After I picked up Weston from detention, Leighton and I tried talking to him and telling him to stop, he said it wasn’t that big of a deal. I had my husband/his dad talk to him, but Weston ignored him too. I then decided to sit both of the boys down, I got photos of Russell and explained his story. How badly the family treated him, my father telling him the story of how Russell would cry in his bed. The boys just sat there, I don’t know how it affected them, but I hope it left an impact. Later that night, I was talking to my older sister (58F) about this, her kids are in their mid 20s. She told me that I shouldn’t have told them about Russell, or at the very least, waited until dad died and I was not considerate of him. She also said they weren’t old enough and it was too dark of a thing for them to know. AITA?

sz1ooups1551

AITA for telling my sons family secret?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jdm7j/aita_for_telling_my_sons_family_secret/

17jdm7j

I (19F) live with two other girls (both 19F), let’s call them Jane and Hailey. We are all in second year of our undergrad and we were friends before we lived together as we met last year when we lived in the dorms. Both Hailey and I are in long distance relationships, and before living together checked if it was okay to have overnight guests every once in a while. We all agreed that it was okay. In September I had my bf stay for just under a week. While he was here we were out of the house most of the time, and when we were home we kept to ourselves and stayed in my room unless cooking in the kitchen the odd time here and there. He was polite and friendly, and not only cleaned up after himself but took out our garbage from the kitchen and bathroom and did dishes. A little while ago I informed my roommates that I was planning on having my friend from home (I moved away for school) visit during reading break and I plan of having my bf come one more week this semester. They said it was okay. So my friend booked her flights to come for 6 days (4.5 of those days both of my roommates will be out of town). My bf booked his flights to come for a week starting about 4 days after my friend leaves. (To recap: my bf stayed with us for one week and would like to stay another week two months after the last visit) Jane has told me she is uncomfortable with having my guests stay that close together and she finds it difficult to study when we have an extra person in the house. I told her we will try to be out of the house during the day and will try our best to not be disturbing and I asked if there’s anything we can do to make it easier for her. The issue is that Hailey has had her bf over for about 4-7 days at a time 3 times in the past two months, which Jane doesn’t like. She is upset that there is someone staying with us half of the time, and I feel like she’s taking it out on me and wanted to restrict me from having people over. I don’t have an issue with Hailey having her bf over. I don’t think I’m asking for too much, and I think she just has to learn to live with other people. AITA?

wiiremote135

AITA for having guests over while living with roomates

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jdr8j/aita_for_having_guests_over_while_living_with/

17jdr8j

I find myself in a tricky situation with my sister, and I'm really torn about whether I'm the asshole here. I hope you can help me figure this out. So, my sister and I have always had a complicated relationship. She's generally a kind and caring person, but there's one aspect of our interactions that's bothering me a lot. Every time I'm around her, I feel incredibly insecure, almost like a charity case. Let me explain. My sister is successful, both personally and professionally. She's financially well off, in great shape, and just seems to have it all together. I, on the other hand, have had some ups and downs, but I'm working on improving my life. I'm not as successful as she is, and it makes me feel like I'm always in her shadow (both literally and figuratively, given our height differnce😅). The last time we hung out the emotions kind of got to me and I almost felt like crying. Rather than burdening her with my emotions I just kept quiet and bottled it up. I am a man (one X and one Y chromosome) and although I expect she'd understand and would be willing to offer comfort, 1.) I think it'd be unfair to place that burden on her, 2.) She'll probably tell basically everyone we know, and I don't need that. She does occasionally say things that are hurtful but which I judge as unintentional. It happens but it doesn't bother me. Recently, she's been trying to reach out and hang out more. She often suggests activities or wants to go for coffee, and I appreciate her kindness. However, I've been turning her down more frequently because being around her makes me so insecure and frankly like a charity case. It's like she's inadvertently rubbing her success in my face, and I can't help but compare myself to her. Now, the other day, I turned her down again, and we got into an argument over text. I tried to explain that I need some space. She took it personally, saying that I'm pushing her away and being ungrateful for her efforts to connect. The argument got pretty heated, and it ended with her telling me I should "get over myself." So, here's the question: Am I the asshole for not wanting to hang out with my sister because it makes me feel insecure? I appreciate her kindness, but being around her constantly just isn't doing me any good in terms of my self-esteem. Did I handle the situation poorly, and should I try to be more understanding of her feelings? Or is my sister not being considerate of my emotional state? I'm really struggling with this, so I'd appreciate your input. Thanks!

velociraptor7

AITA for Not Wanting to Hang Out with My Sister? Being Around Her Makes Me Feel Insecure

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jdvuz/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hang_out_with_my_sister/

17jdvuz

This summer I worked at a golf course as a bartender and one of the waitresses needed help getting out of a bad relationship. She made it seem like her bf was emotionally abusive and that she was kicked out for getting a little too dunk. She moves in and it gradually becomes obvious that she’s just as toxic, if not even more so, than him. She begins cheating on him and I assume she’s finally going to break up with him, but she does not. She tells me she stopped talking to the other guy, but the other night I see him coming towards the house. As soon as he sees me he turns on his heals and starts walking in the opposite direction. I text her to ask if he was coming to the house, and she replies that he was stopping by to “give her cleaning supplies”. She is 25 and has a troubled past, but I made it clear that I don’t agree with cheating. We had an argument and I mentioned that I couldn’t underhand why recently wore a belly shirt with full view of her bra to our recent work appreciation lunch. It was uncomfortable because the membership is mostly men and there had already been some unwanted attention that I helped her sort out with our boss. AITA for judging her actions and for commenting on what she wore to the party? Is that slut shaming?

TytoAlbaa

AITA for having an opinion on my new roommates behavior?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jdw5l/aita_for_having_an_opinion_on_my_new_roommates/

17jdw5l

My (19f) little sister (16f) just got her license but she doesn’t have a car. My older sister and parents all have cars 2019 or newer so they don’t let her drive theirs. I have a 2012 civic that’s already pretty beat up so it’s not like I don’t care if the car gets damaged but I’m not going to freak out over a scratch either so she learned how to drive on my car. Now that she has her license, she wants to go out. I practically live in my car during the week but I don’t drive much on the weekend so she can take it pretty much whenever she wants. I do make her pay me when she uses it though. My rates are $5 for the first 15 miles (round trip) and $.50 per mile after that. She is not allowed to go more than 50 miles in my car. She took my car to go to a friends birthday party, 30 miles each way (I gave her permission to break the 50 miles rule since I’m very familiar with the area). I said sure, she gave me $30, and she left. My mom saw her giving me the money and asked what it was for. I told her she pays to use my car and my mom is acting like I’m just trying to get money out of her and not like if she’s going to drive my car she’s going to contribute to the costs. AITA for making her pay to use it?

carpricespost

AITA for charging my sister for borrowing my car

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17jdwkn/aita_for_charging_my_sister_for_borrowing_my_car/

17jdwkn

Bit of a backstory here: Me (f, 25) & my fiancé (M, 28) get married in November 2024 which we have booked our venue and everything else for. We have been in discussion regarding honeymoons and are trying to work out our budget and destination based on this. Within my fiancés family there has been discussions of going on a family holiday to Australia with his parents and brothers, their children and ours. We simply cannot afford this and and wedding a wedding at such short notice with it being quite expensive for us to go and take the children. We were planning on doing our honeymoon a week after our wedding just a nice getaway somewhere with some sun. The only problem is his family want to go on this holiday the week after we get married. I have already said “no we cannot afford it” and “no it’s too close to our wedding” on multiple occasions yet they still bring it up and have asked us to go round to plan it. My fiancé has agreed we can’t afford it but is saying if his parents want to pay for us we’ll go (which they haven’t agreed to). I had mentioned this to his mum and specific said “we would love to come however we really want to enjoy a nice honeymoon together to relax after the stress of planning a wedding. Is there any chance of postponing this holiday for 6 months so we can afford to go and make it” to which she said “we’ll why don’t you come and then have your lovely honeymoon the year after as we’re getting too old” (they’re just in there mid 50s for ref). Im just extremely upset by all of this as it’s so close to our wedding it makes me feel like they don’t care at all. So basically AITAH for saying no we’re not going regardless as we want a honeymoon just the two of us?

throwaway274937483

AITAH for saying no to a family holiday in place of my honeymoon.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17je40c/aitah_for_saying_no_to_a_family_holiday_in_place/

17je40c

I (16F) don’t want to attend my (25F) sister “Angela’s” baby shower. When finding out she was pregnant I didn't have an opinion since I believced she would be moving out and my room would become my own. She did not move out and has been planning her baby shower to be in the middle of december since she is due in january of next year. I was in shock because we barely have enough room in our home with 5 of us including myself. So how could we shelter another kid? I voiced my opinion to my mom because Angela and I have never gotten along. My mom said we would just keep her kid in my room which I found completely unfair as I would have to share a room with her and her kid too now. My room is fairly small and our two beds take up all the room. I was just confused on where we had the space for this kid and the money. Angela is also unemployed and lives off my parents. She sometimes helps around the house but uses the excuse she is pregnant to not do work. Because of this I have been upset and I my other sister Ruby (28F) was upset at first but now is helping plan this baby shower. I have fully expressed I do not wish to attend and have a get together that day anyways with some friends. I’ve received backlash from my mom and Angela that it’s not the kids fault and I should be there for Angela. My dad doesn’t support this pregnancy either but is slowly helping out Angela, and for my sister Ruby she is neutral. She is attending the baby shower but understands why I can not be there. So AITA?? edit: To those asking about where the father of the kid is, he is not involved in Angela’s life. He didn’t support the pregnancy and my parents dislike him because he doesn’t can’t support my sister financially or took any responsibility when he found out she was pregnant. And Ruby does still live with us as well but she is employed and pays a good chunk of the bills. Her and my dad pay the bills. And as of where I have been sleeping, I have been sleeping in Ruby’s room having to share a bed with her. (her room is noticeably smaller then mine)

Extension_Beat_2167

AITA for not wanting to attend my sisters baby shower?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17je7tw/aita_for_not_wanting_to_attend_my_sisters_baby/

17je7tw