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AITA for removing my wife's "wrist privileges"?

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**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/SUPERMOON\_INFLATION](https://www.reddit.com/user/SUPERMOON_INFLATION/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!low-stakes read!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11ty5n3/aita_for_removing_my_wifes_wrist_privileges/)**: March 17, 2023** Sorry for this random throwaway. I am 36m and she is 34f. The honest core of this question is that I am super anti-"notification". I know I sound like a boomer but I got sick of knowing that Aunt Maple commented on my Insta post *years ago*. I will open the app if I want to know that. I do not need to know about Aunt Maple's comment until the second I seek out that information. However, I appreciated the health and activity features on the Apple Watch. So I got one for myself and I tediously curated the information delivered to me on my wrist. Notifications are even worse on the watch because I can't exactly just flip the watch over and ignore it! My wife (whom I love very much) wanted to make sure she could get a hold of me, so we use a chat app that allows notifications. The rules were **very clear** when I switched to this app: she can text me *once* and I'll answer at my earliest convenience. I will always know it is her texting because she is the only person who has access to my wrist notifications. Any more than one text means "emergency". She has run afoul of that rule many times, as you can guess. She says she very literally cannot stop herself when she gets excited and that she's not neurotypical like me so I can't understand. And she's right, I don't understand what it's like to have ADHD, but I do know what my boundaries are with my wrist buzzing while I'm at work. Last week, she sent me like four consecutive texts because she found out that her coworker (who I don't know and frankly do not care about) had gotten a DUI. While he was *in college, years ago*. So that night I sat down with her and said I was not going to do the wrist notifications anymore, and that I'd regularly check my phone for messages from her. She was kind of vaguely mad about it for a week, but yesterday I finally just confronted her about it and she said that she thought I was being disrespectful of her limitations and that everyone gets used to notifications eventually. I said it had been three months and I was still not used to it, and she said I should give it more time. Here's where I might've been an asshole: I told her I thought this was a tiny issue that wasn't even worth being angry about. I still check my phone for her texts and I've never missed one by more than like fifteen minutes. I also explained that she can still call me if there's an emergency. She's still mad. AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *More about what happens:* "she just fires them off. it's very obvious that she's not even thinking - she just gets excited and her fingers start working" *How often does she do this? Daily, weekly, monthly?* "like... daily. sometimes many times per day." *More concise explanation of the issue:* \*"\*we have one chat app. I enjoy texting with her during the day. when I got the watch, I agreed to let her send me notifications on my wrist, so long as they weren't excessive. the *problem* is that I want to turn on DND on her, in violation of the agreement that she could text me and I'd receive notifications on my wrist." **ETA (Same Post, 9 hours later)** okay she got home and I just had a short but really helpful conversation with her. she said that she didn't really want to buzz me all the time, but she felt really special that she was the only person who I allowed to text me on the watch. she was sad that we lost that little intimate connection. and that makes total sense and we both committed to finding a good solution that makes us both happy. really sorry that I dragged so many people into this, it was a small thing that could've been solved by both us being super vulnerable and honest with each other. ***OOP is voted NTA, though there are many different verdicts*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/127xdge/update_aita_for_removing_my_wifes_wrist_privileges/)**: March 31, 2023 (2 weeks later)** I wanted to update this to share some things I learned while we resolve this problem. Obviously, it ended up fine. It was a small problem that bubbled over, not a "real" issue. For people out there with ADHD partners - especially guys with ADHD girlfriends and wives - I learned two things that could help you in the future. 1: rejection sensitivity is a common symptom of ADHD, especially in women. It stings extra when someone tells you "no". That's why I got a big reaction from my wife. I didn't feel like I was "rejecting" her, only setting a boundary, but she felt differently, and her feelings matter to me. 2: lots of people with ADHD have been told their entire lives that they are too much. and that they should take it down a notch. This is true of my wife, who has a very big personality. Hearing me ask her to control her wrist buzzes seemed a lot to her like I was telling her to be smaller, to shut up. Those two things combined created hard feelings on her end. There was always going to be some conflict when I set that boundary, but I could've been more sensitive, and she could've been more communicative and understanding. These are the travails of marriage. It was a little speed bump and we got over it. Thanks to all the commenters! eta: this was the solution >honestly, it is so dumb simple. > >we moved the "us" app (Google Chat) to her second screen and moved the app we use with everyone (Signal) to her home screen. > >she can still access my wrist, but she has to think about it for an extra quarter second. It has solved 100% of the problem. ***Relevant Comments:*** *This sweet exchange:* Commenter: Man, I bet you’re going to get a lot of “but NTA! Set boundaries!” replies here, but as a woman with ADHD, I have to say what I appreciate is your understanding of and sensitivity toward your wife. Sometimes no one has done anything “wrong” and there’s miscommunication or assumptions or just years of baggage that make something really hit a sore spot. Being able to talk about that last one with empathy is so key. She’s lucky to have you. OOP's response: I married a whole-ass woman, not just the parts of her that are "easy". I'm sure I drive her a lil nuts in various ways too! "she's worth it 🥰"

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12e96o0/aita_for_removing_my_wifes_wrist_privileges/

12e96o0

My bf is shunning me from using my jacket at a black metal festival

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**I am not OP.** Originally posted in r/BattleJackets by u/Odd-Internet-7372 on 03/23/2023, update on 03/31/2023 Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation!< Mood Warnings: >!light reading, mostly positive outcome!< [My bf is shunning me from using my jacket at a black metal festival](https://www.reddit.com/r/BattleJackets/comments/11zvocm/my_bf_is_shunning_me_from_using_my_jacket_at_a/) So I'm going to a fest and was preparing myself like usual, until my bf saw I had the interest of using my battle jacket. My boyfriend claims that since my backpatch is from a folk metal band (Skyclad), I'll be shamed and be shunned by the "underground black metal fans" during the event. I tried to convince him that my vest has also black metal patches and I have even a tattoo about Skyclad (yeah, it’s my favorite band), so it didn’t make sense, but somehow he's saying he'll not accept my company if I'm using my vest… I'm really feeling down with all this situation and start to rethink my relationship. You see, when you make a vest, you really put your soul in it. You try to mirror your feelings, what you like most. I feel like when he’s shunning my vest, he’s also shunning me. But let me get back to the point: Do people really care so much with someone else’s patch? Will I be shunned at an underground event using it? I’ve used the same vest at other Black Metal concerts (not underground) with no issues, even had some guys pointing at my Rotting Christ’s patch and talking about the band. But he’s saying since it’s and underground event, people I’ll be really extreme. I’m not sure if he’s concerned with that and my safety, if he's ashamed that his gf's favorite band is Skyclad, or if he’s only feeling jealous because he doesn’t have a battle jacket. I’ll leave here some old pics I have from it, maybe it’ll help judging the situation. It’s been updated because I got a really pretty Sarcófago patch and had no room for it, so I swiped the old and cheap Mayhem patch for it, but I don’t have the full updated version pic yet. Also I got a huge Necromantia patch that I put on the place of the gold "unholy trinity" and Moonsorrow. (pics below) [https://preview.redd.it/k88c0xiepjpa1.png?width=596&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=d08be0082fc054670742edc32698c1f127825e23](https://preview.redd.it/k88c0xiepjpa1.png?width=596&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=d08be0082fc054670742edc32698c1f127825e23) [https://preview.redd.it/bg2j699fpjpa1.png?width=585&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=4d61d0487aac034d42a1e9faf2109c192d65df6f](https://preview.redd.it/bg2j699fpjpa1.png?width=585&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=4d61d0487aac034d42a1e9faf2109c192d65df6f) [https://preview.redd.it/3xggu3edpjpa1.png?width=720&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=44af8ef2608a2d422c0b575c86fc990e4ab49356](https://preview.redd.it/3xggu3edpjpa1.png?width=720&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=44af8ef2608a2d422c0b575c86fc990e4ab49356) [https://preview.redd.it/42rnbhtipjpa1.png?width=830&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=f84393c6c6660da57470a987404879e4137cf0df](https://preview.redd.it/42rnbhtipjpa1.png?width=830&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=f84393c6c6660da57470a987404879e4137cf0df) And yes, I'm planning on slowly updating it, I guess a jacket is never finished. Sorry for the long text, I just needed to share it somewhere. I've posted it on the Black Metal sub, but it was deleted Edit: I realized that I used security instead of safety **Selected Comments:** *> LOL I think you're dating a poser, no one gives a fuck, actually I can't speak for black metal fans a lot of them are pretty weird.* *>> As a strictly black metal enjoyer her bf is super cringe and doesn’t deserve her at all what an asshole of an bf* \>>> **OP**: I really enjoy bm and always follow the philosophy that I should do what I want, but this situation is just bizarre. He's really being intense about his intentions of not letting me use it \>>>> *"Letting you"??? Unless you're a toddler why is anyone gonna "let you" dress any kind of way You know what's metal as fuck? Flipping a big fat bird to THE MAN and doing what you want.* \>>>>> **OP:** Yeah, "letting me" because of how is "blackmailing" :/ Since the event is on another city, we will travel together and stay at his friend's house. He's using this against me \> *Your jacket is badass. Your bf is an asshole.* \> *No one will care I’ve never seen anyone shunned or made fun of at a show for wearing x,y or z band on a vest or on a shirt. If anything someone else who’s a fan of whatever band will come up and talk to you about them* \> *Your boyfriend sounds like a huge poser who has no idea what underground BM shows or people are like, and is projecting his insecurities onto you. Your jacket is dope, you’d fit in just fine. Most people there won’t even have vests, and a good portion won’t even have band shirts on lmao* \> *Lemme get this straight, this black metal guy has a girlfriend and ALSO his gf will come to BM festivals with him? And he’s complaining about her battle jacket?!* Update 03/31/2023 # [\[UPDATE\] My bf is shunning me from using my jacket at a black metal festival](https://www.reddit.com/r/BattleJackets/comments/127ud18/update_my_bf_is_shunning_me_from_using_my_jacket/) Hello guys! It’s me again. Since I received a lot of comments on my last post, I decided to give you all the update for it. It was hard, but I’ve read all the comments and tried to reply most of them. I know, I’m a bit late for an update, but I had a busy week. So here you go: This community is really amazing - you all gave me support and courage to confront my bf and use my battle jacket to the festival. I’m an introvert and closed person and it’s always a challenge to share openly my feelings, even with close persons like a partner. So you all gave me the push I needed to talk with him. We had an ugly argument, we didn’t break up as a lot of you suggested, but he’s on guard now, fearing that he might lose me if he messes up again. I went to the festival using the jacket, and as you said: nobody cared about the Skyclad backpatch. People there were very friendly and the festival was a lot of fun. It felt good to use the jacket and see nobody making fun of me, like my bf was thinking it was going to happen. Some of you asked pic of me using the updated vest there at the fest, but as expected, I was too shy to ask for someone to take a pic of me (without my bf), so here’s a pic I took while preparing for the trip. [https://preview.redd.it/lmysbh8n94ra1.png?width=1380&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=c17bc459dbe1ec4faf71465922d2df56b4dd59e7](https://preview.redd.it/lmysbh8n94ra1.png?width=1380&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=c17bc459dbe1ec4faf71465922d2df56b4dd59e7)

Whatapunk

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12ekl9f/my_bf_is_shunning_me_from_using_my_jacket_at_a/

12ekl9f

AITA For stealing my cat?

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/catcatyeahidk **AITA For stealing my cat?** Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole **MOOD SPOILER:** >!cat is ok!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xedglh/aita_for_stealing_my_cat/) Sept 14, 2022 So I (21F) have a beautiful brown cat, Midge. She's still a baby and is 10 months old. I found her outside of my work when she was about 2 to 3 months old and immediately fell in love with her. We've had the best time together and her being my first pet since moving out makes me even happier. My cousin Tanya(15F) visits me a lot since we live in the same city and I enjoy having her, she also really like cats, but since her father is allergic they don't have any at home. She really loves coming over to see Midge and I'm glad to be able to provide her with Midge's presence. School recently started, and before I go back to full time student I've been having to work almost 45 hours a week to afford my lifestyle for the next couple months. Since I was busy I let her have the responsibility of taking care of Midge. Such as feeding her, cleaning her little box, etc. It was going really well and I didn't have the chance to take her home since I was going to be at work. I gave her my spare key to lock up and scheduled an Uber to take her to her house. When I came home 8 hours later Midge was gone. I called Tanya and she swore Midge was home when she left, but after a couple hours my brother called asking when I gave Midge to Tanya. I was confused and he sent me a SS of Tanya kissing Midge on her Instagram story. I knew then she blocked me from being able to see it and was shocked she would do this to me, as well as lie. I had a spare key to their house and went right over and took Midge back when they weren't home. When I got home Tanya called screaming at me over the phone telling me I broke into their house, and stole her property. I laughed and asked how Midge was hers. She told me since she took care of her she deserved her since I wasn't home, and she had to "save" Midge. Her parents, were also pretty upset, since I did go into their home without permission and told me I didn't deserve Midge from what Tanya told them. They told me they decided my uncle will take allergy medication for Midge and I needed to give her back. Of course I said no Tanya ended up calling my mom, lying to her that I abuse Midge. My mom called angry, telling me how I could do this to Midge and if I don't give her to Tanya and her family, she will disown me. Tanya texted me this weekend that if I apologize she might forgive me, her parents have been texting me all weekend they'll press charges since I did go into their home, and will take Midge then. I don't know what to do. I love Midge so much and my mom gave my aunt and uncle permission to go to my apartment and take her. I know this cause Tanya texted me this I'm assuming to scare me. I am. I'm so scared one of these days I'm going to come home and Midge is going to be gone again. My brother and dad think I am an asshole since I did go into their home without permission and acting out without trying to solve it maturely. So, am I the asshole for stealing my cat? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** Edit: I called and left a voicemail to my landlord and giving a brief explanation to the situation. I am upset since I asked for him to change the locks and he refused. Legally he was able to since as a college student my mom's name is on the lease and he needed her permission. Of course he called and she refused. I'm scared she's gonna come tomorrow but I do have a friend I can drop Midge off before work. Edit 2: Hi everyone! I want to say thank you so much for your input and want to put you all at ease and let you know I set up an appointment for Midge to get microchipped this Saturday on my day off :), I also did order a small security camera that covers my whole living room/front door. I'm still requesting my landlord to change locks but he still has his foot down. I can't move out since where I live is pretty hard to get a place and basically everything requires credit which I do not have (getting to it) The only negative side is Tanya has been posting pictures of Midge on Instagram claiming I stole her and have received lots of messages from her friends and classmates from school trying to "Cancel" and dox me. that I don't really care about. Her parents have called giving me "second chances" to reconsider before they press charges which I highly doubt they would do. My mom and I aren't talking and I don't want to go NC with her since I love my mom very much. I'm sure after all of this resolves we're gonna have a mature talk about how she acted and what was wrong. I'll be sure to keep everyone updated if anything else happens. **~OOP UPDATED IN THE COMMENTS~** [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xedglh/aita_for_stealing_my_cat/iozbpre?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) Sept 18, 2022 **UPDATE** I took a lot of peoples advice and got Midge microchipped yesterday. As well as I had a conversation with my mom that we resolved together. My landlord still refused to change my locks. Despite all this, today this morning Midge was taken. I called my aunt and uncle and they just laughed and told me "Try, we can hire a good lawyer." I called police and explained the situation, showing proof I had ownership of Midge. When we went to my relatives house police asked for her back but of course they refused. What made me even angrier was my cousin inside the house, door open holding Midge with a shit eating grin. Even though I had all this evidence my relatives slammed the door demanding a warrant. Police suggested I press charges and take it to small claims court (I am), but they couldn't do anything right there. Going home without Midge was so upsetting. I had to pull over cause I started crying. I contacted a attorney and my cousin keeps posting photos of Midge on her Instagram. I took the situation to the family group chat in anger and good news at least: Everyone hates them now! My grandmother wrote my uncle and his family off the will and of course they're calling me threatening me with Midge, and they'll make sure I go to jail for all this. I'm fairly confident in myself, but I would be lying if I wasn't more concerned with Midge. I just want my baby back and I've been crying all day. Screw you Tanya. **~2nd UPDATE IN THE COMMENTS~** [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xedglh/aita_for_stealing_my_cat/itoxlzc?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) Oct 25, 2022 Hi everyone! I will be honest I forgot about this post for a bit after everything. I just want to also say thank you to those specific people (you know who you are) who reached out to me to help with finances as attorneys are expensive and I am only a student. But yes I just want to say Midge is home :) Small claims court came around and my attorney was very confident and helped me out so much. She was very helpful and knew from the start we would win. I provided the judge everything. Yes, everything you guys commented as proof I own her. Photos of her as a baby, proof I have paid for all vet bills since she was a baby, and proof I had Midge chipped. My landlord also helped. Although a lot of people were upset with him and telling me to move out, he was remorseful that his decision had consequences. I have forgiven him as his apology came with security footage of my aunt and uncle going into my apartment and taking Midge. We have been NC since the case, they have been silent (most likely embarrassed). To end this on a good note, I wish I could have taken a picture of Tanya's face when she handed Midge back to me. :) ty everyone for listening to my story and coming back for updates, <3 **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12esx10/aita_for_stealing_my_cat/

12esx10

I (38F) found out my niece (20F) is gay, but I don’t know how to help her.

REPOST

\*\*I am NOT OP, this is a repost. Original post by [u/ThrowRA\_2026](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRA_2026/) on [r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/) .\*\* [**I (38F) found out my niece (20F) is gay, but I don’t know how to help her.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pyo6f1/i_38f_found_out_my_niece_20f_is_gay_but_i_dont/) **- Sep 30, 2021** My brother and I have been brought up in an extremely conservative and religious household. Our parents were bible thumpers who punished us severely when we were kids. When I got into college, I managed to get away from them and managed to slowly work out years of conditioning. But my brother did not get out. He still lives near them and has bought into their ideology. My parents hated me when I told them I wasn’t coming back. We managed to patch out relationship a bit, but it is still tenuous.  My brother has a daughter whom I wasn’t allowed to have a proper relationship with, because he considers me a corrupting influence. I’ve only ever spoken to her when I visit my family once a year.  Even though my brother is still religious and conservative, he isn’t as controlling and strict as my parents were, so she was allowed to go to college despite the protests from my parents. She goes to college in a city near me, but she was forbidden from visiting me.  A few days ago, when I was in that city, I saw her kissing another woman in a café. I don’t think she saw me.  I was shocked when I saw that. My brother would disown her if he found out. I want to help her. She and I don’t have a proper relationship, and I don’t know what she thinks about me. My husband and I have good careers, so I’m willing to support her even I my family kicks her out. I’ve managed to convince her to visit me this weekend. Should I tell her I know? How do I help and support her?  [**\[UPDATE\] I (38F) found out my niece (20F) is gay, but I don’t know how to help her.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/q0lkl7/update_i_38f_found_out_my_niece_20f_is_gay_but_i/) **- Oct 03, 2021** I contacted a gay friend of mine and told her about my dilemma. She told me that she would help me and suggested that I should talk to my niece and my friend would join us when we went out in the evening.  My niece visited me yesterday and she was apprehensive a first. We started talking and she became comfortable talking to me. She told me that my parents tried to poison her opinion of me when she was coming to college, but she didn’t trust them. We had a really long conversation and caught up with each other. I subtly told her that she could tell me anything and could rely on me for anything.  We went out in the evening and my friend brought her wife with her. We had a great time and my niece finally opened up about her being a lesbian and living in the fear of the wrath of her parents. She was elated when I told her that I would support her whenever she decided to come out and told her she could talk to me about anything. My friend told my niece that she could talk to her if she needed any advice any time.  I’m so happy that I finally have a good relationship with my niece. She is going to visit me every week going forward. Thank you to the people who gave advice. [**\[UPDATE\] My conservative brother found out my niece (20F) is gay and told her she was dead to him, how do I(38F) help her?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/syt296/update_my_conservative_brother_found_out_my_niece/) **- Feb 22, 2022** My niece and I have a great relationship now after she came out to me. She is a very fun and bubbly person and I love her. She has a good relationship with her out and proud girlfriend, who is also a great person. They visit us almost every weekend and we have a great time. Her GF told me that my niece is a lot happier after we reconnected. My niece went back home for the holidays last year and I visited them on Christmas. We tried to act like before, but my niece told me that my brother asked her if she was visiting me. She denied it, but we decided to keep our distance for some weeks. There wasn't any more probing from my family, so we thought things calmed down. Last week, my brother suddenly barged into her dorm unannounced and caught her with her gf. He started shouting and causing a ruckus. Her gf called me immediately. I rushed and got there in less than an hour. By the time I got there, my niece was sobbing and my brother was still berating her. When he saw me, he started screaming at me. He called me names and told me that I had corrupted and destroyed his daughter. I brought the management with me and he told my niece that she was dead to him while he was being escorted outside. I took my niece and her gf back home with me. My parents phoned me and called me demon-spawn and said that they wanted to never see me again. My niece was devastated. She was sobbing all day. Her gf and I tried to console her, but she didn't get better. She called her father the next day, but he told her that he didn't want a sinner in his family. I stayed with her as much as I could and managed to stop her crying. She hasn't gone back to college and hasn't been eating properly since then. She looks sad all day and hasn't spoken to anyone except her gf and me. She refuses to get out of her room. Seeing her like that is eating at me. How do I help her feel better? [**\[UPDATE\] My conservative brother found out my niece (20F) is gay and told her she was dead to him, how do I(38F) help her?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/t3jifa/update_my_conservative_brother_found_out_my_niece/) **- Feb 28, 2022** After I made my previous post, I asked my therapist for help, and she recommended a friend of hers and also helped me get an appointment the next day. My niece (whom I'll call Jenny) did not want to talk to the therapist, but her gf and I managed to convince her to give it a try. Jenny looked a little better after the session. She also had her first proper meal in a week that day. I invited my lesbian friend, who Jenny looked up to, to our home the next day. She and Jenny talked, and we decided to go to the beach. We relaxed and had fun. A couple of Jenny's close friends visited her after that and she cheered up a bit. I also spoke to the college as some of you suggested, and they were happy to let Jenny skip this semester if she wanted to. But as she was getting better, my sister-in-law called me. She refused to talk to me and only wanted to talk to Jenny. She told Jenny that she managed to calm my brother down, and they would forgive her if she came back, stopped going to college and got married, and that Jenny might not get another chance to "atone and be with her parents". I was surprised when Jenny said no and told her that they would need to accept her the way she was. Her mother became furious and told her that they wouldn't pay for her college and she should never come back until she wanted to repent. I told Jenny that she could live with me as long as she wanted and that I would pay for her college happily. Jenny was very happy that I was going to support her and told me that I was the reason she got the courage to tell no to her mother. I am so happy that I got to have a good relationship with my incredible niece after all these years. I hope I am capable of providing all the help she needs. I want to thank all the people who gave me advice on my previous. All of this is new to me, and I am very grateful for your advice. Some of you suggested looking for a friendly church, but Jenny told me that churches had no significance for her. Comment by OOP: For anyone wondering, my husband and I have great careers and make a lot of money, so paying for her college isn't a big deal to us. \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

Vctoria_R

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12fd8sr/i_38f_found_out_my_niece_20f_is_gay_but_i_dont/

12fd8sr

AITA for pulling out of my sister's wedding due to her inlaws?

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Originally posted by u/twin_bridesmaid in r/AmItheAsshole on Mar 29, '23 updated on Mar 31, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Toxic religious views, mental health, alcoholism, stillbirth, infidelity!< --- &nbsp; **[AITA for pulling out of my sister's wedding due to her inlaws?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/126ai7f/aita_for_pulling_out_of_my_sisters_wedding_due_to/)** Mar 29, '23 &nbsp; AITA for pulling out of my sister's wedding due to her inlaws? For background, Stella and I are identical twins, 29F and we will both be 30 when her wedding comes around this fall. I had her as my maid of honor 8 years ago and she promised me that I could be hers when her wedding came around. I have 2 kids, 6F and 3F. They're the flower girls. My marriage fell apart just over two years ago, due to a stillbirth and my husband's infidelity. My parents and sister were the only reason I didn't drown from the stress, loneliness, and total abandonment of my spouse. I was a total mess. I went to therapy, got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression, quit drinking, and I owe a lot of it to my amazing sister. She's the reason why I kept chasing down my ex for child support when he stopped suddenly paying (he suddenly switched from "world's best dad" to "deadbeat dumbass" so quickly that my ex MIL is disgusted with him) Stella and Jon 35M got engaged last year. His parents are paying about 60% of the wedding. Our parents are paying 30%, Stella and Jon paying for the rest themselves. The biggest caveat is that they must be married in Jon's family's church, full mass with communion. The family is on board because this is going to be a very big wedding. Tonight, Stella had invited me to dinner, as they had finally reserved a date for the church and reception, assuming it was to formally ask me to be her MOH. I was excited since I haven't been in a wedding party aside from my own wedding. Jon was with her, weird because Stella didn't mention him coming at all in our texts about the dinner. We hugged like usual but Jon didn't. Weirder. After we got our drinks, they got to it. In a nutshell, Jon expressed the following: "Despite my best efforts to keep it secret, my parents found out that you're divorced when they asked why your husband wasn't coming. They are no longer comfortable with you as MOH, because it won't look good to the church if my family hears about the divorce. You can be a bridesmaid but can't mention the divorce or your conditions at all during the wedding events." I was stunned, and I felt tears in my eyes. Stella started crying too and she tried to spin it in a good way. "This is way less stressful for you, so it's a good thing! MIL has already approved my BFF as my MOH, so please don't make this any harder." I knew that I couldn't possibly stay there through an entire meal. I had to process this new info alone. I didn't speak. I just paid for my wickedly expensive cocktail, and left to order an Uber home. A few hours ago, I texted Stella that I would not be in her wedding party at all. That was my decision. I wouldn't pull my daughters out, but I would only attend as a guest. She wouldn't take this as an answer, so I had to temp block her due to her excessive texts and calls. I sent my parents a summary of what happened and promised to call them when I was in better shape tomorrow. Stella thinks that this is a total overreaction. I don't even want to know what Jon thinks at this point. Please help me. AITA? Edit: Thank you for all the responses. I half expected to be told to just put up with it and be a plain bridesmaid, which while difficult I kinda would have forced myself to just to make Stella happy. I was just so blindsided and I feel like I've been gut-punched, and I do need to be told if I am overreacting in a big way sometimes. I'm going to fall asleep now while binging Friends. And wonder if my twin has suddenly become an Ursula instead of Phoebe... Edit 2: Wow. I did not expect this to blow up. I can't thank everyone enough for their input. I have a call scheduled with my parents this afternoon (from what I gathered, they are extremely upset with Stella and Jon at the moment) Depending on how that goes, I will talk to my girls about doing something big and fun instead. The more I think about it, sitting through a mass sounds less and less appealing. I'm not even religious. And I saw this query in the comments... yes, I had a cocktail with no alcohol. I use the word mocktail but I guess its meaning is still lost to some people. X'D When I asked for a list of "mocktails" last night, the server was a little condescending about it and said they're still called cocktails if they're not alcoholic. &nbsp; *In the comments:* I keep seeing that everyone thinks that I should pull out my daughters. I disagree. As I currently stand, I would be fine attending as a mere guest / child minder to keep my daughters on track. It would actually make it easier to not have to bring a friend with me just as a part time babysitter for the occasion. I will not let anyone in Jon's family talk down to my children. If I have any sort of inkling that such a thing would happen, only then would I pull them out as flower girls. . This is simply too important to my daughters for me to pull them out all together. They would be crushed if they were told they couldn't go to the wedding anymore. *Judgement: Not the Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update 2 Days Later](https://www.reddit.com/user/twin_bridesmaid/comments/128aet2/update_removed_from_my_aita_comment/)** Mar 31, '23 &nbsp; This is going to be a brief update. Jon found the post as he lurks on reddit, and shared it with Stella (wish I used the fake name Ursula, since she joked about that detail herself) Stella-Ursula has officially called off the wedding. When Jon was ranting about the post and how bad the comments were painting him, he said that "your sister must be off her g&&&mn meds and going manic, you better get her @$$ under control." But then Stella-Ursula actually came undone on him and began calling out everything that Jon and his family had put her through. Then she took off the ring and chucked it across the living room. Jon went into a rage, and while he didn't do anything but yell at her he threatened her in regards to her mobility issues. Stella-Ursula uses a cane to walk. This was what triggered her to text our parents and myself. By the time our parents made it to the house, Jon was gone and she had packed up her bags and left with them. Her cane was not in the house. Stella-Ursula wanted to thank you all for the comments calling her out. It shattered the mosaic that Jon built around them, and while we're both still raw and processing the last couple days, I am glad to have my sister again. She was someone else I hardly recognized a few days ago. As kids, I was more outgoing and she was more reserved, so I felt obliged to go along with her the other night despite how conflicted I felt. But again, Stella-Ursula says thanks for the wake-up call. And Jon, if you see this: fuck you. :) Edit: You know what? Fuck you, Keith. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12ffh4e/aita_for_pulling_out_of_my_sisters_wedding_due_to/

12ffh4e

(2 Years Later Update) Feel like having a baby was a huge mistake

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/BigBeard_FPV in r/beyondthebump** Dad jokes to cover up spoiler: "Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels." "Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?" "It didn't have the guts." "What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?" "A meltdown." "What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!" mood spoilers: >!Wholesome!< --- &nbsp; [**Feel like having a baby was a huge mistake**](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/127xune/2_years_later_update_feel_like_having_a_baby_was/) - 01 Aug 2021 I'm her father, and no I didn't have to push out the baby or carry her for 9 months, but I don't think I've ever been more sad, exhausted, or depressed over a decision my whole life. Prior to the baby, I had lots of hobbies, travelled the world, had a thriving loving relationship with my wife and more. I built things, flew drones, worked on cars, and loved my wallstreet job. But it all feels like that's gone. I have a 9 week old, and it is has been ruff. Nobody can really explain how demanding and exhausting and selfless you have to be to raise a child. I am just grabbing at any moments of peace, and when she sleeps, I just wanna stay up and have a chance to be me, but I'm so tired that I can't even enjoy those moments. I find myself wanting to pack up and just disappear. I find myself not even wanting to wake up, because I know what the day requires. When does it get better? When will I get 7-9 hours straight of sleep every night again? When will I get a chance to live again? I don't get time with my wife... Love life is non-existent. I don't get to travel or do any hobbies I had. I work 9-10 hours a day, and I'm exhausted even before the day starts. I feel so guilty because she's beautiful, and it isn't her fault, but if I could go back and undo this decision I would. I know not all experiences are the same, but I'm hoping someone has a positive word or glimmer of hope for me. I hope I didn't ruin my life. 😞😞 An honest writeup from first time dad. &nbsp; [**(2 Years Later Update) Feel like having a baby was a huge mistake**](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/127xune/2_years_later_update_feel_like_having_a_baby_was/) - 31 March 2023 Hello everyone and Happy Friday. I wasn't going to write this update as it has been so long, but I realize that we are a community, and part of the power in community, is in normalizing the experiences that we sometimes feel we go through alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and feel free to ask me any questions about my journey below. I'll do my best to respond to EVERYONE. If you haven't read my first post, in summary, I was feeling lost, sad, depressed, resentful, exhausted, emotional, overwhelmed, scared, and questioning if I'd ruined my whole life in what was supposed to be a joyous experience. **So now that you've survived my introduction, here's my 2 year update:** **What does life feel like at this point?** I could tell you what life is, but that's not how we connect as humans. We connect and function based on feelings and our perceptions. So with that being said, my heart has never been more full, my purpose has never been more clear, and while life has never felt the same, I'm not sure I'd ever want it to go back to the "perfect" life I had before my little girl. She's about to turn two, and every morning I look forward to my "daddy daddy daddy" as she runs into my home office after she wakes up, and I look forward to my big goodnight hug and "goodnight daddy" before she's put into bed. Her laughs absolutely obliterates the shadows cast from a bad day at work, and chasing her on the playground at the park has become one of our favorite past times. **When did it get better for you?** It gets better in stages, but I'm still not sure how much of that is because things actually get much easier, or if there is a natural evolution we go through as first-time parents. I remember feeling absolutely exhausted, and without any time. Today, I get full nights of sleep usually, I have a few pockets to myself here and there, and while I don't get to sleep in late, stay up all night clubbing, or some of the more adolescent things I used to enjoy, I am enjoying life again. **4 months** - first smiles were nice, but still not enough to change the quality of life **10 months** - she started eating food, making lots of funny faces, and developed a fondness for me even though I wasn't fond of her. Those long nights were few and far between, and while I didn't have free time, I had sleep. And we all know sleep is extremely "insert curse word here" important after the initial exhaustion in the earlier stages. **13 Months** - a mobile baby is a whole new challenge, and putting on the baby shows wasn't enough to keep her happy. It is again a shift where baby-proofing becomes a huge deal, and you also look around and realize your space has been taken over by the baby. Baby stuff was everywhere. I was much less depressed, but ready to go back to normal life. Hint - it never happens haha. **16 months** - the babies make HUGE growth leaps in this time. Play time becomes much more fun, and suddenly you can start to do things like slightly longer car rides to your favorite food places etc. I realized half my beard had started graying, but oh well. It is what it is. **20 months** - words or babble and more babble and more words ! This is a fun stage where exploration becomes a joint exercise. You find yourself enjoying rediscovering things you had forgotten were so amazing. Swings and parks and baby appropriate bounce houses are common place. You also look up and realize that you've survived the infant stage and are now dealing with a full blown funny toddler. They are weird, they are emotional, they are fun, they are loving, and they trust you to the edges of the universe and back. This was one of my favorite time periods so far. Emotionally I realized I was no longer sad I had a kid and I found that being gone from her for too long made me sad. Ugh, you start to feel like a real parent here. **22 months** - I love my lil one soo much. I love her so much that I want another. What is wrong with me lmao. The period you hate goes by so quickly if you just hold on and keep your head down. I'm back to most of my favorite things, albeit with less time to enjoy. I love music for instance so I purchased a headphone amplifier and a 300 pair of headphones so I can enjoy while I work. I have several toys I play with occasionally, but more than anything, I feel whole. It gets better! It gets better! And now I can't believe that I'm ready to have another. Those of you in this community that helped me were a God send. I'm happy to be here, and anyone can always reach out if they have questions or just need encouragement. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

lealou12

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12fi9he/2_years_later_update_feel_like_having_a_baby_was/

12fi9he

[Update] my (23f) boyfriend (25m) is obsessed with the idea of me loosing my virginity to him

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwRA_novel in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!none I can think of!< mood spoilers: >!sad!< --- &nbsp; [**my (23f) boyfriend (25m) is obsessed with the idea of me loosing my virginity to him*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11y9vau/my_23f_boyfriend_25m_is_obsessed_with_the_idea_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - March 22nd, 2023 I started dating my boyfriend last April and graduated from university last year. My boyfriend, who I met through mutual friends did not attend college or university. We are both christians and he is not a virgin (he has had sex with a previous girlfriend). When we first met he told me it was important to him that he date “a good christian girl”. Lately he has been making comments to me about taking my virginity which have been increasing in frequency and intensity, how he will “teach me a lot of things” “show me how good sex can be” and more graphic stuff that I’d rather not repeat. At this point I think he gets off on the idea, however, I am not a virgin. I participated in hookup culture while at university and had (safe) sex fairly often with men I met at bars/nightclubs or on tinder for nearly four years. I am almost a different person from who I was at university. I am much more soft-spoken and I dress more conservatively and no longer drink, smoke or do drugs. Which I believe has led to my boyfriend having this perception of me. What do I do? Should I let him continue to think I’m a virgin or tell him the truth and potentially ruin our relationship? I feel like I should note that while find his comments cringy they don’t really bother me. And aside from this thing he’s great. TLDR; My boyfriend really wants to take my virginity but I’m not a virgin, what should I do? &nbsp; [**(update) my (23f) boyfriend (25m) is obsessed with the idea of me loosing my virginity to him**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/129c70c/update_my_23f_boyfriend_25m_is_obsessed_with_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - April 2nd, 2023 Thank you everyone for your advice. I read every comment (even the hurtful ones). I ended up deciding to tell my boyfriend the truth. Initially I was leaning towards not doing this but as a lot of commenters mentioned if he loved me before knowing this it shouldn’t change anything. Before I get into it there are things I want to clear up from the original post that a lot of people mentioned: 1. I probably shouldn’t have used the word “obsessed” it’s not something he brought up every day, just a little more than what I thought would be normal and I was starting to feel a lot of anxiety and guilt about the whole situation and about lying. 2. I am 22, I turn 23 soon so I just wrote 23. I didn’t know this would have such an effect on the story clearing this up since a lot of people were saying the timing didn’t make sense 3. Losing, I know. Sorry my bad spelling really upset some of you 4. I did not make this up. I was freaking out about what to do and couldn’t exactly ask our mutual friends about this situation. So I made this throw away account according to the subreddit rules. I met up with my boyfriend the next day since he had the day off and told him that I’m not a virgin plain and simple. I didn’t tell him exactly how many sexual partners I’ve had but I did tell him I had sex with a few different people when I was at university and none obviously since we started dating. And that I was too embarrassed and worried to tell him this before because he kept talking about taking my virginity and seemed excited about it. He wasn’t happy that I kept it from him for so long which is totally fair but he said it’s okay, the past is the past and it doesn’t matter if it’s not my first time ever, it’ll still be our first time and that’s just as special. I just got too lost in my head about it. I love him a lot and I didn’t want to lose him. Not knowing how he might react was driving me a little crazy. He confirmed that the comments were his awkward way of telling me he’s ready. He didn’t mean to make it weird and was just “trying to hype me up”. We ended up doing to do. Everything was great. Fast forward to this past Friday I confronted him about being kind of distant. Not responding to my texts, being weird about making plans for my upcoming birthday. I told him that if he was planning a surprise party to call it off as I hate surprises, he said he wasn’t so I dropped it. Well this morning he texted to tell me he didn’t want to be together anymore and thinks it would be better if we were friends. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I’m so heartbroken I’ve been crying all day I can barely even move. I wrote this update but I wasn’t going to post it since everything had worked out. I guess God had other plans. I think the worst part is that I’m just really lonely now, we shared all our friends and his family became mine since I’m not close with my family. I feel like I have nothing and no one. So thanks I guess to everyone who commented. At least I know I did the right thing by telling the truth. TLDR; My boyfriend wanted to take my virginity, but I’m not a virgin. I told him the truth and he said it was fine but ended up breaking up with me anyway **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

aita-reader

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12frljj/update_my_23f_boyfriend_25m_is_obsessed_with_the/

12frljj

AITA for refusing to go to my own birthday dinner?

NEW UPDATE

**I am not the original poster that is** [u/marriedleperchaun](https://www.reddit.com/user/marriedleperchaun/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I wrote a previous BORU of her posts [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11valhk/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_own_birthday_dinner/). I changed the letters to names and added paragraphs for readability. **New update is starred \*\*\*** **Trigger Warnings:** >!miscarriage, medical abortion; infidelity; verbal abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!more hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11oqj75/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_own_birthday_dinner/)**: March 11, 2023** Using a throw away because my sil knows my main. So a little back story I (25f) and my husband Vernon (36) have been married for 5 years. It was arranged by my grandfather and his uncle, we are not American so it's common here. Vernon wasn't too thrilled about the marriage and he made it very clear because he was already in a relationship with Felicity. (30sF). Long story short Vernon, his family and Felicity did the most to make my life hell and my dumbass was stuck on the idea that one day he might change. About 3 years ago I found out I was pregnant and I was excited but he wasn't given we only had sex a handful of times before that he got it into his head that it wasn't his, the baby had complications and I had to get a medical abortion. Not once did he or his family come to the hospital and I guess that opened my eyes and I just stopped caring. I stopped trying, I just stopped caring. Early last year, he suddenly started caring, coming home early, calling me, bringing me flowers, it was quite uncomfortable for me. Then he tells me that he's had a change of heart and wants to try to better our marriage because he's developed feelings for me???? It's all fishy to me honestly, I wouldn't trust this man as far as I can throw him. He's been doing these little things and I just can't shake that there's a joke coming at my expense. Now onto the story, it was my birthday last weekend and Vernon told me his family was hosting me a birthday dinner, I told him I wasn't comfortable with that and the last time I was at his parents they literally told me I was my babys complications were my fault and kicked me out coz Felicity was uncomfortable not to mention that they haven't apologized, just started acting friendly. I kept telling him no and he kept insisting, he let it go and I assumed that was that. I made plans and went out with my mom and cousins and he starts calling me asking me where I am, I tell him and he tells me that he's waiting for me uhhm what???? Long story short, he's family is mad that I skipped because they apparently wanted to apologize so that we could move forward and Vernon keeps saying he understands why I did it but has been apologizing for everything and nothing. last night Felicity called to cuss me out because they've left her high and dry and Vernon wants nothing to do with her so maybe they did want to apologize. I thought I was in the right but now even my cousins are telling me I was wrong for skipping, now am doubting myself AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *About OOP:* "Yes I do work as a teacher, I don't make much but since everything in the house is taken care of by Vernon, I've managed to save up a sustainable amount. I can leave and there wouldn't be much consequences on myself, nothing physical anyway, it's my family that would suffer because me leaving would cause them to be shunned by the community, this means they won't be allowed in shops, they could starve and people would watch them because their morals would be put to question. Am looking into ways to take them with me to the next city." *Birth Control:* "Birth control isn't exactly a thing here because it defeats the whole populate the earth thing, so I only get one option which I don't completely trust but we haven't had sex in a year so but I have it just in case" *Why did his uncle arrange the marriage?* "Am sorry, I don't know how to add an edit to the post but Yes, his uncle is the head of the family and doesn't like Felicity because she's not from our culture. Vernon didn't go against his uncle because it would lead to his shunning, marrying me had benefits such as the house we live in and a piece of land in the farming areas, so I guess that was it. His uncle mentioned to the family that the only way the marriage would end was if I was to initiate it, I didn't know about any of this and everything has started making more sense now." *One last comment from OOP:* "Honestly I don't understand the elders reasoning behind our marriage, all I know is that I was of age to marry and had to marry before I was out of season. At the beginning I truly believed we could work it out because that's how most of my relatives marriages started out and they are happy now. After I realized it was a lost cause I couldn't leave because a divorce is unacceptable unless there is physical abuse. When F called me to cuss me out she spilled the beans about the house being a benefit of the marriage and the uncle not liking her because she's not from our culture, I plan on asking V or the others about more information because am in the dark and it's killing me, I want to make a well informed decision on my next step going forward. At this point am only staying because I don't want my family to suffer the shame of me leaving." **Mini update/edit:** **March 12, 2023 (next day) (also in comments)** wow! I wasn't expecting this to get as much attention as it has. Am overwhelmed and am sorry if I won't manage to reply to everyone. Thank you for your kind words and advice. Some more info on my family because I saw repeating questions in the comments, my family didn't know about most of what was going on, I chose to not tell them, but they still found out were and are still willing to handle the effects of me leaving but I can't let them do that, everyone is happy and this would disrupt their lives greatly. I can't bring myself to that especially to my little nieces. A few hours after I made the post I decided to have a talk with Vernon after he came home from work. It went somewhat ok, I followed some advice in the comments about starting over on my terms. I asked him questions I needed answers to and he gave me answers. I wasn't completely satisfied but it's a start. I told him I would give our marriage a chance but he had to know that he was completely done with Felicity and would be completely on board with this, I told him to stop with the love bombing because it was making me uncomfortable, I told him I would absolutely not be having kids in the near future. I told him I was in no way ready to be his wife and we would continue with our separate rooms. Surprisingly, he was on board with all of this and said that he wasn't a boy anymore and that he was getting older and he needed to sort himself out and make things right, I asked him if he only had a change of heart because he wanted me to take care of him in his old age and he said no, he said he realised that Felicity isn't what he's always wanted and started seeing her manipulate toxic ways (his words), he said he was willing to put the house in only my name (it's 40%mine) entirely as a way of showing that he is all in and would mess up of I give us a second chance. He said he was willing to give me as much space as I need. He said he'll have a word with his family about me needing time and space and taking baby steps Honestly, don't know where this will go at this point. I don't know the direction in which we are headed but am willing to try so I can have a free conscious. I've started making a back up plan to leave but thats in the worst case scenario I'll update if anything significant happens. **\*\*\*\*\*New** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11oqj75/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_own_birthday_dinner/jeodhng/?context=3) **(Comments): April 2, 2023 (3 weeks later)\*\*\*\*\*** Hey everyone. So a few things happened that I thought y'all needed to know. First off, I'd like to thank everyone for your care and support, I never thought I'd cry after reading words but you have no idea how much courage your kind words have given me. I told Vernon to go through with the transfering of the house into my name and he did, I guess he knew he would be getting more money. So now I own the house. Nobody was telling me anything about the 180 change so I decided to go to Felicity (I know it was stupid). She was the only one who was willing to give me any information since she's spiteful and I think I got what I needed. It's not much but it's enough to cement my decision. Turns out, Felicity had her womb removed when she was younger so she can't give Vernon children, the whole family found out and turned against her. And Uncle has been speaking of retiring and Vernon has been at war with Uncles sons to either take over the business or become one of the decision makers and a child would guarantee that he would give a large sum of the company shares that would be in his name and the child's and since Felicity couldn't give him a child, I was the solution. Felicity told me as much as she knew, and so I went to one of Vernon's cousins I confronted him about what Felicity said and after a heated back and forth he finally confirmed everything. I don't know why but that hurt, even though I knew it was too good to be true I still held onto hope that maybe I was wrong. After conversation I decided to play along until I could get out. He completely cut of Felicity and it's scary just how much he's acting like she never existed. I put in a transfer to a city 12 hours away from here, my headteacher knows my situation and swore not to tell the. I brought up moving to my family and majority of them said I'd be selfish if I did that and their whole lives are here and all that but honestly i feel I should put myself first, I told them it was just a thought and that I would never do that. My mom and brother have been my biggest support system and am taking them with me, my cousins is moving with my little nieces to his wife city. So that's that. I found a house where my mom, brother, two cousins and I will stay. I listed this house for sale on a private auction page. (this will cause a big blow out but I won't be here so lol). I live this place in about a 40 days and the most tiring thing is to get my affairs in order without rising suspicion. I refused to be intimate with Vernon and told him I wasn't ready he told me we'll work on my time but I see him getting more and more frustrated each day. Even though am scared for myself and my family on what they will do when they find out I've decide to leave and am not changing my mind. Am still young and I honestly don't want to end up like my mother, in a loveless marriage with a cheating alcoholic. I took words of internet strangers for me to realize that and am so grateful. Am sorry if this is all over the place. I'll update if anything changes. **Edit because some people have asked:** I contacted OOP just to make sure she was ok with this post. This is what she said: "Hello. Thank you so much for your care and support. So far we are safe and everything is going according to plan. I would like for the post to stay up because I want my story to be out there. If anything happens to me I want everyone to know."

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12g8ul9/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_own_birthday_dinner/

12g8ul9

AITA For Filling My CoWorkers Bin With Passive Aggressive Tissues?

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Originally posted by u/wide-challenge-4874 in r/AmItheAsshole on Oct 9, '21 updated as an edit, undated. &nbsp; **[AITA For Filling My CoWorkers Bin With Passive Aggressive Tissues?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q4je2e/aita_for_filling_my_coworkers_bin_with_passive/)** Oct 9, '21 &nbsp; AITA For Filling My CoWorkers Bin With Passive Aggressive Tissues? I do admin. My role and the office I work in isn't public facing. It is two linked open rooms with two smaller offices and a break room leading off them. At the beginning of September we got called back to the office. Over lockdown my coworker who has the desk next to me has acquired an emotional support dog. I am very allergic to dogs and the first time I went back into the office I wasn't expecting there to be a dog in it so I didn't take any allergy meds. I asked her what the dog was doing there and she explained he was her new Emotional Support Animal. Within an hour my eyes and nose were streaming, I was struggling to breathe and sucking on my inhaler. The office manager allowed me to go home and wfh for that day and I agreed to take meds the next day. The next day I took meds and was a bit better but I was sucking on my inhaler far more often than I would (and than is recommended for asthma which is well managed), I asked the manager if I could exchange desks with someone further away or move desks - this was refused as was suggesting my coworker and dog work in one of the side offices. So over the last few weeks I've been trying different allergy meds, I've finally gone for one that is prescription, not over the counter, and I'm using my inhaler less. My eyes aren't streaming but my nose is. I'm going through boxes of tissues. I'm hoping I get used to these meds because right now they're making me a bit slow (my partner is driving me to and from work as I'm not comfortable taking them and driving yet). Anyway I am working noticeably slower than I used to and I was picked up on this over the phone by another (senior) colleague this week. I explained that I was on new medication and that I was hoping to be back up to speed soon. My coworker heard the conversation and told me I was passive-aggressively complaining about her dog because "we all know why you're taking" the meds and that I was blaming the dog for having gotten lazy and slow over lockdown. I said that that wasn't true and she didn't know what passive aggression was, I then left and made myself a cup of tea (usually when we go to the break room we offer to make everyone a cup), that was supposed to be my demo of passive aggression but I heard her bitching about my attention seeking tears - I literally couldn't stop my eyes streaming without medication - and maybe lost it a bit. When she went to lunch I tipped my wastebin full of used tissues into hers. And it is full by lunch and then again by hometime. I've done this everyday this week. Another colleague says I've made my point and need to stop otherwise she's (the coworker with the dog) planning on taking me to HR, my reaction was to say "let her, I don't care," which got a disapproving reaction from the colleague who was trying to warn me. I'm being childish I know but am I really the asshole here? &nbsp; >Are you forcing a coworker to deal with your used tissues during a panorama? >*this part of the comment originally said YTA before the reply from the cleaner below* >Editing judgement, esh. You shouldn't need to get sick at your place of work but I still think the tissue thing is disgusting. Id possible get a doctors note about allergy and maybe seek out hr? OP: I'm filling up her bin with my used tissues. If she wants to use her bin in the afternoon then she'd have to empty the bin. Otherwise it's the cleaner who empties the bins. >So you are happy to let another person deal with your snot during a pandemic? And FYI, I meant for "coworker" to include any other worker at the place of employment. People cleaning included... You are most definitely TA in my opinion. Unsanitary! *Replying to the comment above:* >>I'm a cleaner. We are routinely expected to clean out bins with worse than snotty tissues. Trust me when I say, I'll take a bucket of used tissues over a bucket filled with human waste. OP: I guess I hadn't really thought about the pandemic because my tissues are allergy snot not COVID snot. But are you saying that if I'm filling my own bin of tissues then that's over and above what I should expect from the office cleaner? I hadn't thought of that, I'm not even sure where spare bin liners are kept for me to empty my own bin. >Just want to say that I'm sorry and have amended my judgement. Allergies are serious and I do hope you can work without getting sick. I do however stand by my thoughts about the tissues. . I'm beginning to feel like a total dumbass for not already going to HR. It didn't occur to me that I could after the manager said that I couldn't move desks or anything. . Why I've not already gone to HR, because I'm a dumbass and it took the comments here before I realised I should have done that weeks ago. Can't do HR until Monday but I have emailed my union for advice. . Yeah I've contacted my union, the rep even emailed back today (on a Sunday?!?) she's meeting with me tomorrow to go through what my next steps are. Apparently she can come with me to any/all HR meetings even if they're scheduled because my colleague puts in a complaint. So hopefully I stop thinking through my snot filled haze tomorrow. . I have no idea how I'd go about suing them and I'm not totally convinced that I could (not in the US or Germany) or what that would mean for my work environment. However I did get my union and HR involved and I really should update this. &nbsp; *Judgment: Not The Asshole* &nbsp; Update: I've met with my union rep, and with their advice, composed an email and sent it to my supervisor. We have also requested a meeting with HR to discuss reasonable accommodations for my allergies. Update 2: Whew. So the TL:DR - I get to work from home two days a week! I still have my job and my coworker can bring her dog in when I'm at home. My union rep is a lovely woman who knows her stuff and HR seem to have spent their time bollocking my supervisor. My supervisor responded to the initial email by telling me that we'd already discussed my requests and I just had to suck up sitting next to the dog. So then I sent an email (in reply to that one) cc'd to HR saying that I couldn't come in the next day as my partner wasn't available to drive me (not strictly true) and I wasn't safe to drive due to the allergy meds I needed to take because of the ESA dog. Supervisor replied with a really unprofessional email and according to my colleague (the one who told me I was being a dick) got hauled into a meeting about that which involved one of the Bosses actually shouting. I spent two days irritating my GP surgery for notes re: allergies and asthma history as well as a specific doctor's note for this incident. Then there was the meeting with HR, there was me, union rep, two HR people, supervisor, supervisor's boss and supervisor's boss' boss! They didn't take me to task at all! Instead they wanted to accommodate my health and me to stop taking meds that affected my ability to drive to be able to work. So we worked out that I will work in the office Mon-Wed and from home Thur-Fri, my colleague will work from home Mon-Tue and half day Wed, she and I both need to be in half day on Wed which will be without her dog but she can bring him in Thursday-Fri and because the office gets deep cleaned Saturday this shouldn't be a problem for me by Monday. (Next week is the first week we'll actually try this). Oh and the office gossip is that the coworker with the dog didn't actually get any sort of official accommodation to bring him in but she's friends with the supervisor which is why he was just there and no one checked about coworker allergies etc. This went super smoothly, union rep knew all the right paperwork and what to say to everyone. Join a union, people! &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12gz02n/aita_for_filling_my_coworkers_bin_with_passive/

12gz02n

AITA for choosing not to pay for my daughter's university fees despite paying for her brothers?

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**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Impressive-Mix-31](https://www.reddit.com/user/Impressive-Mix-31/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11ry5um/aita_for_choosing_not_to_pay_for_my_daughters/)**: March 15, 2023** My (57M) daughter Jane (21F) has recently been accepted into the university of her choice ,now me and my wife (55F) are glad with this news , the only thing is that Jane got accepted to do an English degree. Now Jane, compared to her two brothers Mark (28M) and Leo (30M) was quite late in applying to university. When me and my wife asked her to start at 18 she claimed that she was not ready and wanted to have a "little rest", a little rest being going out with friends and travelling the whole of last year with her boyfriend. It should be noted that I supplied Jane with all the money needed for her little rest . Now me and my wife have nothing against Jane doing what she did, she's young and young people live to explore and do what they do, however before me and my wife allowed for Jane to do her thing we made her promise that when she did apply to university it was for a degree that was worth it - Jane was going through a weird phase where she wanted to be many things that were more on the creative side. Fast forward a year later we find out that Jane's gone behind our backs and applied for an English degree. Both Leo and Mark took medical degrees and are now very good, well payed doctors. One would think that this would motivate Janet to go on the same path but instead she has decided to be "herself". I sat down Jane last night and told her that if she decided to go through with the English degree, I would not support her at all and that she would have to take out her own student loan, at this she began crying claiming that I was the "worst dad ever" and had always favoured her brothers over her (because I had paid for their university fees) - now this is totally incorrect I did literally pay for her travel all of last year. My sons think that I'm being too harsh and that I should simply support Jane regardless of what she chooses, but is it too much to ask of my daughter to follow through with an actually useful degree? EDIT: No, my daughter's year of travel does not add up to her brothers tuition fees, not even close. For those wondering I work as a cardiologist. Me not wanting my daughter to do an English degree is not because I'm sexist but because I want her to do something useful which she can live off instead of depending on me for the rest of her life. I don't even know if this is something she really wants to do or if it's another way of trying to rebel against me. ***Relevant Comments:*** *About daughter:* "True, my daughter has always had a tendency to go against our family's norms" *Question from commenter:* Commenter: INFO: did you spend a comparable amount on Jane’s travel as you spent on your sons’ educations? OOP: no ***OOP is voted YTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12awlv0/update_aita_for_choosing_not_to_pay_for_my/)**: April 3, 2023 (almost 3 weeks later)** I would like to start by saying that I appreciate all the comments that were given however unpleasant they were. They helped me understand that I was in the wrong and some provided me with advice on what I should do if I wanted to keep in contact with my daughter. I realised that I was living too much in the past and wasn’t taking into consideration how much things have changed in the last 30 years. My father worked as an artist (paintings) and had little to no business, the only thing that saved my family from absolute poverty was my mother working in a supermarket. I guess I was afraid of such things happening to Jane. Now I hadn’t talked to Jane about her degree until the last thursday, when I brought the topic up she confessed to me that she was ready to take one of the degrees I had recommended to her. I told her there was no need to and she looked at me as if I was playing a cruel joke, I reassured her that I was being serious and she began crying (due to happiness). I realized that I may have been favouring my sons due to their obedience to follow what I asked of them and was punishing Jane for being herself rather than fitting into whatever I decided to make of her. Jane will be attending Oxford Uni later in the year to take her degree and the relationship between us has never been better. I am highly appreciative of all the comments on my previous post, they helped me see how much I was prioritising financial gain over my daughter’s well-being, something which should have never been a question in the first place.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12h79vj/aita_for_choosing_not_to_pay_for_my_daughters/

12h79vj

Received open-ended proposition from female co-worker recently, seriously considering accepting

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**THIS IS A REPOST SUB** **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/arousedbutconflicted **Received open-ended proposition from female co-worker recently, seriously considering accepting** Originally posted to r/confession [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/1i6fde/received_openended_proposition_from_female/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) July 12, 2013 Married, mid-30s father of two here. Consider(ed) myself very happily married up until two weeks ago. I have a very attractive younger colleague who I've been working with for a little over a year. We immediately hit it off professionally, work very well together and have received accolades from superiors for our collaborations. She recently left a signed note in my desk drawer confessing that she was "wildly attracted" to me, wanted to have sex, didn't care if it was one-time-only or ongoing. She also said she knew I was married, knew it was wrong to suggest but could no longer stay quiet, and would leave the decision to me. I haven't answered her yet, and she hasn't said another word about it in the meantime but our working relationship has, of course, become quite weird. I keep wondering WHY I haven't responded with a simple "Thanks, I'm very flattered but couldn't possibly." Simple answer is that the more I think about it, the more attractive the idea becomes. Don't know what to do. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/1ifscs/update_received_openended_proposition_from_female/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) July 16, 2013 Wanted to say thanks to all who commented, and for the good advice from many. Made me think hard. On Sunday, I showed my wife the note and told her I was going to ask to be assigned to work with someone else, and asked her opinion about any other steps I should take. She started crying and hugged me, said she always was suspicious of my colleague, had sensed that she was attracted to me and had been somewhat worried, even suspicious of me a few times (for which she apologized). We ended up talking about it for several hours, and it was wonderful to clear the air with her and get this load off my shoulders. Yesterday, I asked my colleague to go to coffee with me. I handed her the note back and told her I could not do such a thing, even though I had been briefly tempted. Then I told her I thought it would be best if we mutually sought to be reassigned. I told her (at my wife's suggestion) that I had spoken to my wife about the issue, and that she had suggested I photocopy the note and take it to HR, but that I didn't want to go that route, and would rather that we both came out of this okay with our jobs intact. (Left hanging was the implication that I probably HAD made a copy of the note, and that since my wife knew, I had backup should any shit later hit the fan.) She was fighting back tears at this point and kept apologizing for putting me in this position, and said she would do whatever I thought was best. So we worked it out that we would both approach our boss together and say that, while we were happy with our work to date, we were both looking for new challenges and, perhaps, new team members. That meeting is planned for tomorrow, and I believe the boss (who is a very smart woman) will get the message and reassign us both without prejudice. Once again, thanks for the good advice, redditors. If there's interest, I will post a follow-up to tomorrow's meeting. **Edit: Thanks for all the nice comments, I feel a little overwhelmed. A couple of you raise good points which I want to address.** **-- Yes, I did tell my wife that I had been tempted, and I apologized for not immediately sending the note back. She said yes, I should have done that, but that she understood. (She has met my colleague several times in business settings, and has commented more than once that she is very attractive and is surprised she's still single.)** **-- Clearly, I SHOULD have immediately turned down the offer. I never considered myself someone who would stray. I was (in retrospect) kind of obnoxiously proud of the image I had of myself as a good man and husband. That image is now quite different. This has been a wake-up call and I have been doing much more soul-searching than I care to detail.** **-- Looking back at my posts, I have cast my colleague in a one-dimensional light. She is a good person, a very good person. She has been an excellent colleague and everyone we work with has nothing but praise for her. The chemistry between us was almost immediately apparent but I chalked it up to us having very similar backgrounds and outlooks on the best way to get things done. But looking back, I have to be honest in saying that what I thought was just collegiality on my part could have been construed as flirting, and I have to take my share of the blame for that. If she made a mistake in being tempted and sending that note, I made one in not turning her down immediately and in involving other people that would have been better uninvolved.** *** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12hg53z/received_openended_proposition_from_female/

12hg53z

AITA for not wanting to cancel our honeymoon despite what happened with my brother-in-law?

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**I am not the OP.** Originally posted by u/RealitySome3605 in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Plot twist, initially voted TA!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11k4d2u/aita_for_not_wanting_to_cancel_our_honeymoon/) **- March 6, 2023** \----- My husband (m32) and I (f24) just got married a three weeks ago and we are currently celebrating our honeymoon. The plan was to travel for two months for different countries of Europe, Asia and Africa. We currently are in Spain and we are supposed to take a plane to Morocco in two days. However my husband wants to cut the trip short and go back to our home now. The thing is his brother is in a horrible situation, his wife and daughter had a car crash and they're on the hospital. The kid is fine but his wife has to be a little longer in the hospital, that's all I know. I told my husband that I understand he wants to support his brother but that he's not a doctor so he can't do anything to help really. And his brother's wife is fine, she probably only has a broken leg or something and that's why she needs some more days in the hospital. I told him to just call his brother and ask to talk with his wife so he can send her his best wishes and that's all that he can do honestly. His parents and his in laws are helping with the kids so there's really nothing they need help in. I told him our honeymoon was important because it's a time for ourselves to enjoy and spend together. He wasn't having any of it, he called me selfish and then he kicked me out of our bedroom, I had to ask for a new one until he decided to let me in again. He told me that he's leaving tomorrow because he needs to be supportive of his brother and told me I can continue the trip by myself. But that's not the point of s honeymoon at all, I told him so and he said that if he would've known how bitchy I was he would've never dated me. Am I really wrong here? Sorry I can't reply to every comment but I'm trying I'm okay, thanks for worrying about me. I'm trying to solve this problem so sorry if I can't reply to the comments. I'll probably make another post when I fix this to let you know how everything went. I'm sorry for being absent so long. \----- **OOP posted an update, but post was deleted by mods. Unable to recover from Unddit. However, relevant comments and responses below from OOP:** **Comment 1:** >YTA. At least until you find out what exactly is wrong with your SIL. 'She probably only has a broken leg or something...' Why don't you know what else is wrong with your SIL? **OP Replies:** My husband doesn't want to tell me more, i can't ask his brother because I don't have his phone number **Comment 2:** >INFO: Does your husband not want to tell you more after you told him he shouldn't go home or did he actively keep you in the dark the moment he was told SIL is in hospital? **OP Replies:** No he never told me, he said I don't need to know and then I we had the argument. I don't know why he doesn't want to tell me what happened but I think he would tell me if it was a life or death case. He only told me they had a car accident, they both had to go to the hospital and the kid was going home but his sister in law is not. Then he called his family but he doesn't like me listening to his phone calls with his family and he asked me to leave the room so I couldn't hear anything, he doesn't want to tell me what they talked about **Comment 3:** >How long have you dated before you married? Does he often keep things from you? Oh you don't need to worry about that, oh you don't need to speak to so and so I'll handle it, that kinda thing? **OP Replies:** We dated for six months. Sometimes he shares information with me but sometimes he tells me I won't understand or i don't need to know. He's very private **Comment 4:** >🚩🚩🚩🚩 everything you are saying about him are very big red flags. Thats not a normal marriage/relationship **Comment 5:** >OP, would you mind sharing which culture you come from? That might help clear up a WHOLE LOT, particularly if you're from one of the many regions of the world that don't treat their female citizens very well (putting that as diplomatically as I can). **OP Replies:** I am from Thailand, my family lives there **Comment 6:** >This is why I think the husband's TA. He's married and should prioritize his wife but hasn't informed her of injuries; if SIL is in the hospital as a precaution for a few days or is critical are 2 different situations; kicking wife out of hotel room is egregious behavior, especially on honeymoon. Husband has set a toddleresque tone for the marriage. **Comment 7:** >Have you considered that maybe the husband doesn't have the clear information on the SIL's condition ? You assume bad intent on his part. We have no proof he knows but is not disclosing. **Comment 8:** >Or maybe husband did inform the OP of his family's injuries, BUT OP wasn't listening or didn't care enough to remember. **OP Replies:** No he didn't told me when I asked, he only told me his sister in law and niece had a car accident. He doesn't allow me in the room when he speaks to his family so really i don't know anything other than what my husband told me **Comment 9:** >🚩 🚩 🚩 Your husband seems very secretive and controlling. I was ready to call you TA when you were being dismissive about his sister in law’s condition, but between this and kicking you out of your shared room, I’m getting scared for you. **Comment 10:** >You only MET his brother and his wife and daughter at your wedding? How long have you been with your husband? Do you guys live in another country from them? **OP Replies:** Yes we only met in the wedding because we had to travel. I have dated with my husband for six months. No, we will live in the America too when we're back from the honeymoon, that's where his brother lives too **Comment 11:** >That's pretty insane, someone who is that committed to privacy has no business getting married. I don't know your situation, but if this were happening to me I would suspect he was lying or somehow being disingenuous about something. **OP Replies:** He's from a different country than me so he told me this is how relationships work where he's from, men like to be more private so I think it's okay for him to be this way **Comment 12:** >I'm sorry but you should tell us the countries you're talking about, because for most Americans and Europeans, this is not a normal behavior and you seem to possibly be in an abusive relationship. And 6 months dating before marriage is very short. And where is your family? What do they say about this? **OP Replies:** My husband is American and I'm from Thailand, my family is happy about my marriage but now I'm getting worried because a lot of comments told me my husband is lying, I will call my father and tell him this **Comment 13:** >My friend, do you have a way to leave and go back to your home country safely? There is nothing good for you in this marriage. There is only abuse and pain and isolation. **Comment 14:** >Make sure you get hands on your passport, even if you must leave everything else behind. **OP Replies:** I called my father, he told me to grab my passport and some money then he told me to confront my husband about this doubts I have. He told that if I feel like he's still lying or my husband doesn't want to answer or things get bad then I should rent another room and he will fly to pick me up in a day or two. Thank you for your concern because I genuinely didn't know this was not normal in America and my father or family either. **Comment 15:** >If this is a real OP, go get another room now after you get your stuff, and stay there until your dad gets there. DO NOT LEAVE THE ROOM. DO NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND IN. This is not what they do in America. He is lying to you, and he is abusive. **Comment 16:** >Oh good! I’m so glad your dad is coming! I think we’re all worried for you now - nothing you’re describing sounds normal or safe. One thing tho: get your passport, but DO NOT confront your husband until your dad gets there. Seriously, please don’t confront him alone. Idk what’s going on, but it sounds really sketchy. If you can, let the staff know you’re in danger and see if they can get you another room and absolutely not tell your husband. Edit: sorry - I misread your last comment. If I were you, I’d ask your dad to come now. Don’t confront your husband alone. Something weird is going on and I’m worried if you tell him you’re leaving, he’ll lash out. **OP Replies:** My dad can't come now because he needs to gather the money to the plane ticket. I want to know what my husband has to say now that I know he's lying, my dad thinks that's a good idea because we're in a hotel so he can't do anything bad here right? We want to know why he lied **Comment 17:** >OP, how are you doing? Also, this is called a loverboy scheme, where he'll pretend to be in love with you to get you alone. Will take your passport and then traffic you. **OP Replies:** I'm okay, I'm still in the hotel. I'm talking with my dad. I'll probably make another post when I know for sure what I have to do and when my dad can travel. So sorry for not replying earlier \----- **🟧 🟧 🟧 \[Update\] - March 9th, 2023** **More users asked if OP is doing okay (direct link to comment below).** **🟧 OP's Comment** [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11k4d2u/aita_for_not_wanting_to_cancel_our_honeymoon/jbjgyy2/?context=3)**:** I'm okay! Thanks for worrying and I'm sorry for not replying yesterday. My husband is gone and I'm waiting for my dad, I wrote an update to explain it better and the mods are checking if it's okay. I'll be home soon! Some people offered to send me money and I have replied to some of the messages, thanks a lot, but it's not necessary. I have money and the ticket home already. Thank you all for being such kind souls, I don't know what would've happened to me without your help here 💜 *-----* Hopefully concluded, no further updates other than her mentioning the mods deleted her updated [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11mqb9v/update_aita_for_not_wanting_to_cancel_our/). **Reminder that I am not the OOP.**

protoxreminii

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12hmni8/aita_for_not_wanting_to_cancel_our_honeymoon/

12hmni8

I [M31] don't like tattoos and my soon to be wife [F30] just got one in the worst possible place

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**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/DalekPhilosopher **I [M31] don't like tattoos and my soon to be wife [F30] just got one in the worst possible place** Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TRIGGER WARNING: >!controlling behavior, mention of abuse and past trauma!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/96qbj9/i_m31_dont_like_tattoos_and_my_soon_to_be_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Aug 12, 2018** As the title says, I don't like tattoos. I don't think you are special for having one, I don't think you are a deep person for getting a random Chinese character on your skin, I especially don't like those intricate big tattoos that cover a lot of skin. I just don't like them. Having said that, I have friends that have all of the above, and that's fine, it's not on my skin, it doesn't bother me, and as long as we can talk about anything else, it's all fine. Enter my soon to be wife. We've been together for 5 years. She is painfully aware of my feelings. But she still wanted to have a tattoo before we marry. A symbol of us to carry with her. I didn't really like the idea, but what can I really do? I love her, and what harm can a tattoo do? We talked where she should have it done, and the back of the wrist came as a suggestion, the shoulder, on her leg, on her back (tramp stamp), etc. She goes and has it done, and I can't be there with her because I have an important client visiting at work, and time off is impossible. She texts me during work. She tells me it's done. That she loves me. I ask for a picture of the end result, and she tells me tonight, it will be a surprise. So I finally get home, she's dolled up, super tight black dress, stockings, everything for a night of fun. She tells me to go have a shower, and she will have dinner ready in the meantime. I ask to see the tattoo, she tells me later. I am frustrated, go have the shower, come back, have dinner. Then we go to the fun stuff. I didn't see the tattoo on her wrist or legs, so I think to myself it is either on her back, upper thigh, or her shoulder. I am fine with that. I undo her zipper in the back, then she returns and lets her dress down. Instant boner killer... She had it done on her chest, above her breasts. It's big and in your face. It leaks above her breasts (like on top of the breasts). It has thick contours. Yeah, this didn't go well with me. She completely ignored my opinions, she disregarded the places where we agreed she could have it done, and it's a monstrosity of a tattoo in a place where I will always have to see it if we make love or she wears a bikini or something that has a cleavage. It is also something that is personal to me. Of all the things she mentioned the tattoo will be, she never told me about this. She said she wanted to be a gift to me, to show me her dedication. I feel disrespected, ignored, like my wishes and desires have no meaning to her. To me it shows what she thinks my status will be in our relationship, that she will just be able to go over anything I say and take drastic decisions without caring of the consequences. Well, a consequence of this is that I am calling off the wedding. She is in freak out mode. Says she thought I will like it. That she wanted to show her dedication to me. That she will have it removed. Basically anything she thinks I want to hear. My side of the family is understanding of my reaction, they know my standing on this matter, they know it wasn't something just liked to pretend I hate but secretly love. Her side of the family is split. Her mother is more conservative, so her motives are not too straight forward. Her father is on my side. Her sister is all in on dear sister's side. Her brother is neutral, doesn't want to get involved. To me, even if she gets the tattoo removed, it shows her willingness to ignore my side of things, do things her way, then scramble and try to fix the eventual fuckup. I can't have that in a relationship. What do you guys think? The wedding is definitely off, that decision I won't revert. What steps would you take regarding the relationship? Is there anything worth saving here? Is this how she will always be, or was this a spur of the moment decision? Any advice will be appreciated. Thank you. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** curiousof >Out of curiosity, what was the tattoo of? OOP replied >Wings, with a heart in the middle. Inside the heart there is a symbol that is a birth sign I have on my body. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/97sxfq/update_i_m31_dont_like_tattoos_and_my_soon_to_be/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Aug 16, 2018** I would like to thank those who provided feedback and perspective, and have not straight out called me an asshole. We will continue with the wedding as planned. We realize we still need to work on our communication. But we are also painfully aware how miserable we both were during this whole ordeal. This has been our first serious "fight". What happened? Insecurity. She had this idea that I don't think she is dedicated to our relationship. She wanted to prove it somehow. Turns out, the end result wasn't something she was that happy with either. My initial reaction didn't help, and for the next few days things spiraled out of control. After the post here on reddit, I decided we need to sit down and put our ducks in order. I love her, and she loves me, and there was no reason why we would not be able to untangle this mess. Why I hate tattoos? All she knew is that I am not a fan of them, but not the reason. When I was younger, a lot younger, I was horribly abused by someone that had many tattoos. I don't associate people that have tattoos with abusers, but I am also not a fan of the tattoo culture because of it. She didn't know, because I never talked with her about it. I suppose I never wanted her to think I am vulnerable. Or that I was. You can imagine, after these many years, my thoughts on the matter are still mixed. Anyway, she was horrified to learn about this, started crying. She will have the tattoo removed. After the original post I have come to the conclusion that her new skin decoration is something I will have to live with, but at the end of the day, she is the one I want, and a mild annoyance will not define our relationship. I told her this, but she will get it removed anyway. I think she is horrified by the revelation :( We also decided on couple's counseling, to see if it is something that will work for us. If either of us will be uncomfortable, we will not continue with it. We also decided not to be assholes to one another in petty matters. I will wear shorts again, god dammit! Ha ha, that was a funny conversation. We won't impose restrictions on one another. I will go out with friends and watch football with them again. She can go and meet her girlfriends. We will put a lot of work in ourselves individually, and as a couple. Turns out, we have a problem with communication. But the prospects are positive. Her insecurities didn't want me to go out with friends, because some of them are single, and what if they bring women there that tempt me? So she always had to be there. But she doesn't like football, so you can see where this is going. I am happy with the results of the original post. She is happy I took the initiative and broke the ice. My fears were she had the tattoo done as a "power play". But there was no malice. I want a relationship of equals, where a decision can be made as a couple. We will see where this is going, but the last two days have been amazing. I was asked this question, so here is the answer: we live together. We own a house 50 - 50. The night of the tattoo reveal, I went to my parents. She went to her parents. Essentially, until two days ago none of us lived home. She said she doesn't want to be there if I am not there. As a closing note, this could have been a huge mistake for both of us. Communication is key. I urge couples out there to learn from my story, and open up to one another. Had I done that sooner, I would have never been here. Thank you. **~OOP ALSO ADDED IN THE COMMENTS~** Hey, thanks for reaching out. This last week has actually been amazing for the two of us. She actually already consulted a specialist in tattoo removal. he's also a plastic surgeon, and has some recent type of laser that is apparently very good at removing tattoos. He said there would be no significant scarring, maybe where the lines are really thick, but he thinks it will not be noticeable. Alternatively, if she goes for more less intense sessions, it could go out without any scars. She's happy about that. And she also talked with the person that will do her makeup for the wedding, and they already tested a tattoo coverup cream (makeup?). The tattoo opened all doors. We talked about our insecurities, and needs, and wants. And we know where we both stand. There is not much difference of opinion. She was very insecure about my dedication to the relationship, since the grand gesture through the tattoo. And her insecurity was immediately confirmed by my reaction, because she rationalized that even if I hate tattoos, if I love her I will work through it. She was lacking some information from my past, though, and since we had time to talk, I hope she knows I am with her, and my reaction was not about her or my feelings toward her. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12ihzc5/i_m31_dont_like_tattoos_and_my_soon_to_be_wife/

12ihzc5

Mother in law called the police due to tummy time…

ONGOING

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/rusurethatsright](https://www.reddit.com/user/rusurethatsright/). They posted in r/JUSTNOMIL. I have their permission to post their story. **Trigger Warnings:** >!mentions of abuse!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/128lufl/mother_in_law_called_the_police_due_to_tummy_time/)**: April 1, 2023** I really can’t believe it, but my MIL claims my partner and I (mid 30s) are abusing our baby (6 months old) since he “complains” while on his tummy (our doctor said he needs more tummy time for his flat spot, to strengthen his muscles, as well as to help him roll over). He doesn’t like tummy time but it’s not like he even gets to the point of crying. He just makes uncomfortable noises. We tried explaining this to MIL but she keeps claiming we are forcing the baby and abusing him. MIL has been living with us the last few months and things have gone great until this happened. Two days ago she snatched the baby from me during tummy time and said I am committing violence against him. I regretted letting her take him but let her. Then yesterday she tried the same thing and I refused to give her my baby. The thing is, I WASN’T EVEN DOING TUMMY TIME. My baby complains when he isn’t doing something, he just constantly gets bored. MIL heard him complaining from another room and comes barging in saying I’m abusing him again. I walked away from her and locked the door behind me. She pounded on the door saying she will call the cops and she did. I called my partner who left work immediately and drove home. Two policemen talked to her and then us. I invited them in and said they could walk around. They looked around and saw an immaculately clean place and a very happy baby (MIL had not been cleaning up the past couple days or helping with anything like she did in the past making me think this was premeditated to try and make us look bad, but I had been cleaning behind her). MIL tried telling the cops that we were dirty because the dirty bottles and snot sucker were in the same place, that we pet the dog then hold the baby, and that we do tummy time where the cat lays on the couch. When she told them that tummy time hurts the baby they just said “I’m not a professional doctor.” The police couldn’t contain their laughter saying it sounds like MIL thinks she is the “resident expert” and that they run into mothers who disagree with parenting styles a lot. I unfortunately couldn’t laugh along because I was in tears explaining the situation but it was obvious the police were on our side. The police told us the clean house does not look like an unsafe environment for the baby. They also informed us that at this point they were just there for a venting session with MIL and not to worry. Of course no police report was filed. My partner had my back the whole time and kicked MIL out of our house. She had a couple hours to pack her bags and then I drove her to a motel. She of course was mad but had no remorse and thinks she did nothing wrong. She doesn’t have much money so my partner and I are paying for it. We got her a flight home tomorrow. I’m not sure what will happen in the future but it might be the last time MIL sees her grandchild… MIL has no idea and thinks it’s her baby too. Luckily MIL and FIL live on the other side of the country. Here’s to hoping they never move here… ***Relevant Comment:*** "I was trying to keep the post brief for the sake of talking about the major situation. So MIL has made comments but my partner has shut her down. Like she didn’t like that his pediatrician is young, she doesn’t trust doctors. She doesn’t trust the skin treatment method the pediatrician chose for a rash. She doesn’t like that we don’t give him water. But my partner just shuts her down immediately. Maybe things were just building up since she never got her way and then it all came out… But I wouldn’t say there were any arguments it was more just little comments she made. Edit: She also hated the white noise machine and even told the police about it!! The officer stayed professional but you could tell was holding back laughing 😂" *About partner in all of this/why they didn't drive:* "My partner said things would have gotten heated between them so I drove. TBH I didn’t even think about an Uber, not sure why. It was an awkward ride. I recorded the entire ride because I didn’t want her to lie about anything." "I hope so. Honestly my partner is more stubborn than me so I don’t think we will see MIL again…" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/12cl2j3/update_mil_called_the_cops_due_to_tummy_time/)**: April 5, 2023 (4 days later)** An hour or so after I dropped MIL off at the motel, both my partner and I got texts from FIL and I quote: “You cant leave my wife in a hotel, I demand you guys take her back to your house now and work out any problems or misunderstandings. If something happens to her, you are going to be responsible.” And then later he argued that we didn’t explain tummy time well enough to her and said “you guys are not geniuses and need to be empathetic.” My partner immediately blocked him but I didn't know until we discussed it later. I tried reasoning with FIL but realized it wasn't happening so I blocked him too. The next day, the motel said I can’t pay by phone, so I had to drive to the motel to pay for one more night (this was Sat and MIL’s flight was Sunday). I also decided to bring MIL some snacks (she requested water but I decided some snacks too). Listen yall I don’t know why, it was a bad area of town and I thought her walking to the gas station could be dangerous. But if it makes you feel better, while she was living with us she bought some frozen taquitos that she told me I could eat because she didn’t like them (they really weren’t good, had some unidentifiable ground chicken). Also the Wednesday of that week MIL and I had bought good chicken taquitos from Costco. Anyways, to be petty I put the ones she didn't like in the snack package for her… When I dropped off the care package, MIL pleaded that she wasn’t really going to call child protective services (I forgot to add in the original she did threaten this). She didn’t offer an apology but wanted me to tell my partner that she wasn’t really going to call CPS. I said alright and left. MIL then called my partner and I thought was going to apologize but didn’t. Instead MIL started guilt tripping saying she thought she wasn't treated well at our wedding a couple years ago (?? Somehow didn’t mention it until now), and other random things. My partner hung up on her. A lot of people asked why I didn’t get an Uber for MIL and I’m not sure. I think I was getting more and more upset on the inside, because I started envisioning myself telling MIL off once and for all. So started to plan to speak my mind on the way to the airport. At this point it was clear MIL would never apologize (not that I would let her see my baby again anyways, I just wanted to see if she would apologize). Note: I think I had forgotten to mention that earlier that week MIL told my partner that us forcing tummy time was equal to how FIL abused her and her children. That really pissed off my partner who had to witness the physical violence of FIL growing up and says that MIL did nothing then (I’m not saying the abuse is MIL’s fault but my partner says it’s hypocritical and “fucked up” of MIL to make the comparison of us and our baby). So Sunday came, I picked MIL up and took her to the airport… on the way, I asked her if she was planning on apologizing. She said “to who?” I said both of us. She then started saying how we didn’t explain tummy time well enough and that it’s our fault. So then I decided to say what I had planned. I said that this whole situation was her fault, that she put us in danger by calling the police, and that threatening to call CPS ensured she would never see her grandchild again. I told her she is not welcome in our house in the future and if I see her again anywhere near our house then I would call the police for trespassing. I also told her she was a bad person which I kinda regret. MIL had tears in her eyes. I was shaking and hastily dropped her bags off for her. As I started driving away I heard a tap on the glass. I nearly drove away with one of her bags in the back seat 😂. So as she picked up her last bag I called out again that she would never see her grandchild again and drove away angrily. So she is presumably back with FIL on the other side of the country. I really can’t say I feel better, the rest of the day I felt just sad in general and I’m not sure why. I haven’t felt like cooking even though I cook most days, so we ordered Chinese. It’s been a couple days now and I’m feeling slightly better, just replaying the car conversation and wishing I said even more by shaming her for guilt tripping my partner so much. I’ve gotten my neighbors to help with the baby and my partner and I found a new restaurant to try. Anyways, I did speak with my partner and we agreed both MIL and FIL are blocked. So they are both officially blocked (on Facebook too, which is the only social media they use). We haven’t heard from them but it has only been a couple days. They probably think we are overreacting and that we will come around but I don’t think we will. My partner’s brother is getting married in September so we might have see MIL and FIL there… Thanks for all the support, I liked responding to you all’s comments and it feels good to be validated in my decisions. Many people said they would not have bought the hotel and plane ride for her but I think MIL is on food stamps and quite poor. Also she did give us child care a few days a week for three months so I am thankful for that. She saved us quite a lot of money. Lastly, she was technically a tenant so she didn’t have to leave even though it is our house. I don’t know the exact tenant laws but they vary by state here in the U.S. I think we did the right thing to pay for the hotel and airplane, and I still think it’s funny I gave her the taquitos 😂 **Editor's note-** because I'm seeing a lot of "she" comments- based on OOP's previous posts, OOP has said he is male and his partner is female. However, as OOP used gender neutral terms here, so I have tried to respect that in the comments and in this post.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12j9loa/mother_in_law_called_the_police_due_to_tummy_time/

12j9loa

My (39/F) wife lied to me (41/M) about stopping her cancer treatment and the extent of her cancer

CONCLUDED

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRAJaimMai **My (39/F) wife lied to me (41/M) about stopping her cancer treatment and the extent of her cancer.** Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Trigger warning: >!death of a spouse, death of a parent!< [Original Post recovered with rareddit](https://rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fnldia/my_39f_wife_lied_to_me_41m_about_stopping_her/) March 23, 2020 I...I don't know what even to do. My whole world has been shattered. We've known for awhile she's had breast cancer but, it was caught early and responding to Chemo. She dropped a bombshell yesterday when I told her I'd be about an hour late picking her up from Chemo. She tells me "Don't worry. I don't need it anymore". Wait, what? How? Why? As it so turns out she's stopped treatment. The cancer has spread everywhere now. She's dying. At best she has not even 6 months left. She says there's a good chance chemo will not work and at best all it'll do is give her time. Of course I was mad. I've never yelled at her, I've never faught with her but, last night I felt betrayed. Like a part of me died. She's dying...and she's lied to me about it. She's been skipping chemo treatments for the past 2 months. So that means she has 4 months at best to live? What was she planning not to tell me and just randomly die? She tells me she doesn't know but, she was scared and coming to terms with the fact her life was going to end soon. I...I don't know how to even feel. I'm so numb. I can't face life without her. We have a family, kids, a life...she can't be dying, she can't be giving up. Am I wrong to feel so afraid of facing the future alone? AM I wrong to feel so betrayed so upset over her lie? This is life or death. How could she lie to me like this? I feel so goddamn betrayed i've just been crying. I don't know what to even do. tl;dr Wife has terminal breast cancer. Stopped treatment without telling anyone. I feel betrayed and scared by her lie. [Update recovered with rareddit](https://rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ftn01x/update_my_39f_wife_lied_to_me_41m_about_stopping/) April 2, 2020 Well, I've had time to collect my thoughts. I can't blame her or be mad at her for lying to me. I fully understand. I just get emotional and was overwhelmed. Truth is, all that is minor compared to what's coming. Well, bad news, she had a seizure monday and we rushed her to the ER. Her timetable has shifted. She'll be lucky to make it through May. As we were told "6 months" is the absolute best situation but, even through May it's not set through stone. It's possible she wont' even last that long. Her cancer is very aggressive and without treatment it's just everywhere now. It's a matter of which tumor kills her. The tumors have spread, she's got a few small orange sizes pushing into her brain now; and a large soccer ball sized one in her chest. You can feel it too, it's pushing her ribs out and incredibly painful. The seizures are a bad sign. It's about to get a whole lot worse. She's lost a lot of energy and is in a lot of pain now. She's only awake for a few hours a day, that's all she can handle. It's scary how fast it came over her. 8 days ago I thought she was fine. Neither of us are ready for the end. We can't even plan farewell party because, our state is locked down. As for my wife. She's 50/50 the seizure scared her. She's finding it difficult to accept her life is over. Some days she's fine but, other days she's crying and can't accept it. I try my best to remain strong but, it's not easy. I'm terrified like I've never been before. But, we can't spend all day crying. We're doing the best we can to make as much memories as we can before the end. We've yet to tell our kids. I don't know exactly how to tell them "your mom is very sick and is going to go to Heaven soon". Neither of us can muster the strength but, we'll have too because, the end is coming. My youngest is immature for his age and doesn't comprehend death, our daughter who is 13 understands. She's perceptive and knows something is up. I apologize if I came off as rude in my last post. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I appreciate everyone for the advice. I don't think i'll be returning for another update. I'll probably delete this account in a bit. [Final update- recovered with rareddit](https://rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/g6cta8/final_update_my_39f_wife_lied_to_me_41m_about/) April 23, 2020 I just want to thank every one of y'all for your warm comments and support. I'm sorry I never got around to replying to most your comments. We just got busy and reddit was the last thing on my mind. Unfortunately, My Wife passed away Monday. I really want to keep this brief so i apologize. It was just so sudden. We were watching a movie Sunday with our kids and she had a seizure. We were used to them by now but, this one was really violent, very different. The Nurse called 911 and we rushed her to the ER and that was that. She just never woke up. No final words, nothing, just gone. One moment shes laughing and then the next shes gone. It's taken a moment to realize she's gone. I'll never see her again. I'm grateful we spent the final days making memories, ensuring we would never forget her. She was a wonderful woman and I will miss her. I really appreciate everything y'all have done. As I said I won't be replying to most. I don't plan to stick around so please do not give me gold or spend money on me. I don't plan to reveal any personal information or elaborate further. Still, I genuinely appreciate this sub and the kind people who have given me lots of heartfelt sympathies and advice. **THIS IS A REPOST - I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12jrbzn/my_39f_wife_lied_to_me_41m_about_stopping_her/

12jrbzn

My husband (42M) got rid of my (42F) cat to someone who won’t give him back

ONGOING

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRAneedhlp in r/relationship_advice** &nbsp; --- &nbsp; [**My husband (42M) got rid of my (42F) cat to someone who won’t give him back**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12browl/my_husband_42m_got_rid_of_my_42f_cat_to_someone/) - Apr 4, 2023 After my dad passed, I was feeling very down, like I had a hole that I couldn’t fill. I was finding it hard to keep myself busy around the house during the day so I decided to adopt my cat Benji. I rescued him when he was so small he fit in the palm of my hand and have had him for 2 years. This may sound crazy to some, but I really believe Benji is the reincarnation of my dad. When I look into his eyes, I feel something more than a cat. Like a cat born with a human soul. All the timing adds up, it all makes sense to me at least. Even if I am crazy the thought brings me comfort and I don’t see anything wrong with it. My husband thinks this is strange and unhealthy. He says my bond with the cat freaks him out, and makes him uncomfortable that I truly believe he has my dads soul. It’s been two years since he died, Benji really saved me. He’s the best companion I could’ve asked for. I mean, there’s nothing better than being able to cuddle up with an animal that loves you at the end of a long day. Though hubby would disagree. Now I went on a girls trip with my sisters and mom for her birthday, and while I was gone my husband decided he was going to rehome my cat without my permission. I had no idea what was going on while I was out. When I came home and couldn’t find the cat my first thought was that he must have somehow made his way outside. This already worried me because we never let him out, God knows what could happen to him out there! After my frantic search inside and on my way outside to keep searching, hubby informs me that Benji is “staying with a friend” WHAT!! So I demanded that he called to take him back ASAP! He wouldn’t, but thankfully he had told me who he gave my cat too, so I had to make some calls of my own. Benji is currently stuck with my husbands coworker. We aren’t good friends, but we are friendly, have dinner together sometimes etc. So I called the coworker asking for my cat back, and he tells me my husband gave him away fair and square and he won’t be returning my cat! My husband had no right, the cat has always been only mine. I adopted him, I raised him, I care for him, I’m the only one who ever spends any money on him. I am at a loss right now. Benji has never been through anything like this and I can only imagine the stress he must be feeling right now. I know I sure am. So many things are racing through my mind right now. My cats safety. Extreme disappointment in my husband. I’m disgusted he would even think about something like this. I have no idea what to do now and where to start. I just want my cat back safely and then will have to deal with hubby. &nbsp; --- &nbsp; [**UPDATE- My husband (42M) got rid of my (42F) cat to someone who won’t give him back**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12cw0kc/update_my_husband_42m_got_rid_of_my_42f_cat_to/) - Apr 5, 2023 Thank you all for the support and advice, it means so much to me! I would’ve never expected to get so much reach! You are all such kind souls First, I filed a police report, I collected as much proof of ownership as possible. Then I reached out to the coworkers wife and explained what was going on, and promptly asked them to return Benji. She then informed me that she had no idea what I was talking about. At this point I was furious with rage. I asked my husband WTF was going on?! Told him I have police involved and he needs to give up the cat ASAP! Turns out Benji was at a local shelter. Never was with the coworker at all. I immediately tracked the shelter down to retrieve my boy, I had all my documents needed to prove he is mine, and he has a microchip. I took him straight to my sisters house, where I will also be staying for the time being. My sister had been through divorce and has remarried, so she will help me get all my ducks in a row and prepare to file for divorce. I am heartbroken, but also incredibly thankful that my poor boy is now home safe! He was clearly stressed and confused but he is settling in quite well at my sisters. My brother will be picking up any necessities from my house for me, I haven’t been home or seen my husband since I left for the shelter. My family has supported me in my decisions and they are all willing to do whatever it takes to help me when I may need them. Again thank you all so much for the kind words and concern. I was so surprised to see people wanting Benji updates! This experience has been very eye opening to say the least, in so many ways. ♥️♥️♥️ &nbsp; --- &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Stepoo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12jzq55/my_husband_42m_got_rid_of_my_42f_cat_to_someone/

12jzq55

AITA for not telling my wife to tone down her dancing at our wedding?

CONCLUDED

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Real-Leather-1989](https://www.reddit.com/user/Real-Leather-1989/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/127jqaj/aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_to_tone_down_her/)**: March 31, 2023** Throwaway because my wife has Reddit. My wife (29F) and I (29M) got married last weekend. We’ve been together since first year of uni and got married on the 10 year anniversary of the day I asked her to be my girlfriend. We’ve grown up together, got through thick and thin and I know there is no one else I want to spend my life with. For context, my wife is half Spanish and we incorporated a lot of Spanish traditions into our wedding. It also meant that, with all her family there, the reception turned into quite the party. I was pretty tired after dancing for a while so I went to sit and talk with my family whilst my wife kept dancing with her cousins and friends. After a bit of chatting, my mum and aunt essentially told me that they weren’t too pleased with my wife’s dancing to songs like “Low” and “SexyBack,” saying that her slut drops and “wiggling her bottom like that” weren’t appropriate on her wedding day and were disrespectful to me. To be honest, I didn’t see anything wrong with the way she was dancing - it was nothing more than I think any person would dance to songs like that in the club when they were having fun and had a couple drinks - and I told them as such. They said I should tell her to tone it down, but she was having fun with her friends and I didn’t see anything gratuitous about it, nor was she super drunk, so I told her it wasn't my place. We ended up wrapping up the party soon afterwards anyway. The morning after, we had breakfast with my family and my aunt mentioned to my wife that she was pleased that I eventually got her to “tone down the fiesta.” My wife asked what she meant by that and my mum told her about the conversation from last night (my wife has told me about this, I was talking to my dad and uncle at the time and didn’t hear). My wife apologised but was then very quiet for the rest of the day, and when we left the hotel she was very upset with me, saying I should have told her that she had offended my family and that she was humiliated that I hadn’t told her anything about it on the night, like my aunt had assumed. I was sorry that she was humiliated but I was not sorry that I hadn’t told her to tone it down, because in my opinion she didn’t do anything wrong. She still thinks I should have just told her because now she won't have a good relationship with her in-laws (she doesn’t have a good one with her parents). I’m mad at my mum and aunt and want them to apologise to us, but she refuses to bring it up with them and wants to apologise again to them when they come over this weekend. I want to stand up for her because I think they're being incredibly rude, but she doesn't want that, she just wants to mend bridges. She's still upset with me because I don't see it her way and because I'm not sorry that I didn't tell her. So AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Lots of people immediately think it's a racism issue and/or question what he means by Spanish:* "Ok, reading some of these comments is making me realise that maybe I should clarify that when I say my wife is half-Spanish, I do mean from like mainland Spain, in Europe. Her mother's family is entirely from the north of Spain. My family is all from the UK (where we both grew up, her father is from, and where our wedding was). That being said, I hadn't clocked the xenophobic element of this and now am feeling pretty upset (I don't think it's racism, personally, because she would proably count herself as white, but that's one to ask her, not me). Guess this is also something for me to table with my wife. Maybe it was a one-off, but it's not something she's ever mentioned before and definitely not something she should be dealing with." *What do you mean "table with your wife?"* "Hi, I appreciate your concern. When I say table with my wife, I mean I very urgently need to discuss with her whether these things have happened from my family before without me knowing it, and she hasn't said anything for the same reason. Her feelings are my first priority. Respectfully, I also think our understandings of racism are pretty different. I'm very worried that my family has been rude to my wife because of her background. I don't know if I would call it racism - certainly xenophobia, and definitely unacceptable no matter what it's called - but nor do I think it's my place to, because I'm a white British man who's never had to deal with it. But from what I understand from a lot of the comments here, British or European and American understandings of what constitutes race and racism are very different. I'm open to hearing opinions about it from the people who it affects." *Did your aunt or mom give any indication they were still upset at the end of the night?* "No, not really. The lights came on and everyone sort of just hugged and kissed each other as they left and then our families all went to bed. If they'd been more cold-shouldered with either me or my wife, I would have probably given her a heads up, but to be frank I thought I had made my position to them very clear when they had told me to get her to tone it down in the first place. Never did I expect that they would say something to her at breakfast." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12dl8bj/update_aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_to_tone_down/)**: April 6, 2023 (a week later)** Hi all, bit shocked at the level of response to my post! Thanks for all the comments, I did read as many as I could. I talked to my wife. I apologised for not telling her what my aunt had said, and that it was only because I believed what my aunt had said had no merit, and that she as my wife was always going to be my priority rather than placating them. She accepted my apology. She still was wary to try and confront them about it though, and I ended up saying something that I read in a comment that broke my heart - that my wife was probably more than anything grieving the loss of the new family she thought she was going to have. And she immediately burst into tears. So that commenter was spot on. Her parents went through a very bitter divorce that damaged their relationship with their children permanently. So it was a difficult conversation, but we came to the conclusion that we had to confront my mum and aunt in the hope of salvaging any relationship, though my wife wanted me to do it on our behalf (fair). I called my aunt and basically let her have it. She wasn’t apologetic at all and said some pretty nasty things that I won’t repeat, so that was an immediate end to that relationship. I then called my mum to do the same, and she was very ashamed. For context, my aunt is her older sister, and we invited her because my mum and my wife wanted her there (my aunt had never met my wife, but my wife really wanted to meet my whole family). My mum grew up in a very conservative Christian household, and although she stopped believing, my aunt didn’t, so there's been some distance and disappointment. My mum apologised to me and said she had been missing her sister and had let herself get brought back into "old habits". She wants the opportunity to make it up to my wife, but my wife and I have agreed on low contact for now, and we’ll see how we go. My wife did say ok to flowers and a letter that my mum wanted to send, but I told my mum pretty sternly not to expect anything from my wife, which she took pretty well. Most importantly, my wife now seems to be a lot happier. I don’t know if our relationship with my mum will be as trusting ever again, but it at least will be one with clear boundaries. Part of the reason for the delayed update is that, amidst all this, my wife realised she’d missed her period, and lo and behold - she’s pregnant! Cue panic because she drank at our wedding and this is totally unplanned, but otherwise we’re ecstatic. We haven’t told anyone other than her mother and sister, and now we’re going to have to really think about how this is going to work with my mum, but I’m now feeling way more confident that we’ll be able to figure it out together. As long as my wife is happy, I don't care.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12kbyah/aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_to_tone_down_her/

12kbyah

AITA for yelling at a disabled girl and making her cry?

CONCLUDED

**I am not the original poster. That is** [u/GildanDryBrand](https://www.reddit.com/user/GildanDryBrand/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Short read. **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1290spt/aita_for_yelling_at_a_disabled_girl_and_making/)**: April 1, 2023** I (M16) am disabled myself. i use forearm crutches due to ME/CFS and occasionally a wheelchair when it gets bad and an injury i had as a kid that never healed right. im also neurodivergent (autism). This girl i go to school with (F17) is the most obnoxious girl i have ever met. she likes to compare our disablities and say hers are worse without ever actually disclosing what she has. i physically cant walk without supports, she can walk just fine. she will inturupt class to talk to the teacher about personal issues. everyone ive talked to about her has disliked her as well. She is fully capable of using a backpack but she instead uses this box. a rolling box that gets in everyones way and is always a mess. last time i saw it, it had trash from a field trip we went on a month ago. it always gets in the way and gets upset when i need the accessible class seats cause i physically cannot walk. she complains about her box all the time. i will also use noise canceling headphones when sounds are too overwhelming and she'll come to me and say shit like "its not fair you can use them when the school says headphones arent allowed in class." shes reported me to security for wearing my favorite ninja turtles hoodie to school cause it has weapons on it. One day i sat in the accessible seat in my chemistry class. its low to the ground with shorter seats to accommodate wheelchairs and a clamp on the side to hold crutches/canes in place. i sat down and as soon as this girl came in she started getting all mad at me. she said "one day im gonna get here before you to get that seat. i need the extra space for my box." ive been dealing with her for 5 years at this school and i finally had it with her shit. i looked at her and started yelling "oh my fucking god dude. you do not need that goddamn box. you are not special. shut up please i hate you stop acting like were friends we are not. i hate you so much leave me alone. you annoy me so much. i need this more than you i cant walk dude." I had tears dripping down my face from how angry i was. she started crying and left the room taking the BACKPACK she kept in that goddamn box. My friend walked me out of the room and took me on a walk around the school to calm down a bit. i feel really bad about what i did but i dont know if im the asshole or if i went about it the right way. Am i the asshole? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Wtf is in her box/more about the box?* "trash, a neon jacket she never wears, more trash, a broken tablet, mostly trash. a backpack that i assume is more trash. really it is mostly trash. and her broken chromebook she never uses. the box is a moving trash can. it smells bad too" "i dont think her lunch box has been taken out of there since 2019. ive never seen her touch it. not even at lunch but she has it in there" "its like 2 feet by 2 feet. she used a backpack in 7th grade and got the box in 8th grade. i dont know all the details about the box but everytime we go on field trips she brings a back pack which is quite often with a class were in together" "the box is always open. she lost the lid in like 8th grade. she left it in the class and put the backpack on" *More background on the girl:* "i did go to our vice principal once but he said since her grandparents work really close with the school and donate alot of money and resources theres not much they can do since they dont wanna risk anything. the admin suck so much" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): April 6, 2023 (5 days later)** UPDATE: we had a meeting with the IEP **(Editor's note: IEP is individualized education program)** staff and we were discussing our disabilities and after we got done talking about the altercation we were talking about each of our iep plans and she had no physical disabilities or any physical accommodations. all she had was ADHD and accommodations for that such as being allowed to use a fidget, headphones and having to take breaks. her parents said they were disappointed that she would lie about something like that and cause a scene in class and her schedules going to be switched around to not interfere with mine. thats pretty much all that happened. she obviously is upset with me. she wont look my way which i rlly do not mind at all.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12kbyl5/aita_for_yelling_at_a_disabled_girl_and_making/

12kbyl5

Our sitter killed our dogs.

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Senior-Mongoose5297 **in** r/dogs trigger warnings: >!animal cruelty/death!<   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/dogs/comments/w8ajlp/our_sitter_killed_our_dogs/) \- 26th July 2022 Thanks to everyone who offered sincere condolences and advice. On Sunday, I dropped all 3 of my dogs off with a sitter that we found on a popular app for that at 7:45am. This was in Palmdale, CA. The desert. At 3:30pm, the sitter called to inform me that my two great Danes were dead and that they had not left them out "for very long". We can only assume they died of heat stroke. They dragged their lifeless bodies into their garage. We arranged for a coworker that we barely knew to pick up our 1 alive dog, a baby Frenchie, and she was vomiting and had diarrhea. They sent some food back and it wasn't even any of our dogs' food. I'm beyond devastated. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I can only imagine my revenge. All I can think about is making them pay for what they did to my babies. I am insanely depressed and anxious and they were literally some of my only joy in life. I don't even think i can have kids, they were my kids. They were my everything. Help please, i just need support. I don't have a good support system. I'm so sad, i can hardly move. &#x200B; **UPDATE:** thank you everyone, i wanted to add that i contacted the app right away and that i work at a law firm and they are on the case now. Unfortunately, when we called right after the event, the police wouldn't do anything, and neither would Animal Control. But i learned that spcaLA is law enforcement and i can report them there so I'm doing that now.   **Additional Info from Comments -** >I am still able to message this person on the app and I sent this: "I hope you realize how much pain your carelessness has caused us and will continue to cause me for many years. I have terrible anxiety and depression and my dogs were one of my only sources of comfort and joy. I can't even have children, they were my everything." And got no response. A couple days later, in utter rage, I messaged again to ask why my dogs' collars were caked in mud and dirt when they were returned and she had the nerve to respond in order to argue with me. &#x200B; >She said that she "had her husband block off the hole after we left" and that "yes, her dog was under there but she's small" (she's a lab). And then I told her she was a liar and a killer and she said "there's nothing to lie about, your dogs are huge and can't fit in that tiny hole" and i almost lost my mind at that moment and said "WERE" and then my attorney told me not to talk to them anymore. &#x200B; **ETA coz I see people trying to shame OOP for using pet sitting services (stop victim blaming)-** >The sitter we found had 69 5-star reviews and over 30 repeat clients, which was more than anyone i had used before on there. I only pick the ones with the most good reviews. They told me they love big dogs and that they can handle anything and that my dogs' every need would be met. > >We use the app because we don't live anywhere near any friends or family. They are 2300 miles away. **The shame for using this service needs to stop. Do you think I'm not already beating myself up over it?** I literally want to die.   &#x200B; [**FINAL UPDATE - in the comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/dogs/comments/w8ajlp/comment/iiyx3bn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 5th August 2022 The sitters are removed from the app forever. And that is just the beginning. My attorney is furious at the hospital and crematory because they actually cussed him out when he was attempting to stop the cremation. We are looking into the violations of the animal hospital and crematory in not receiving confirmation from the registered owners before doing no autopsy and cremating them on the word of a random guy who gave the name Emily. We are bringing a civil suit against the sitters themselves for every bit of damages we can get. After the trial, i will commence online warnings of her services in the area along with physical flyers. Emotionally, I am in agony. I am so conflicted everyday. One moment I'm beyond infuriated and the next I'm sobbing. I just can't believe this happened. I appreciate EVERY comment and I read them all. I appreciate the discussion and the condolences. It made me feel less alone. I will update again when there is more 🖤🖤🖤   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12kr1q0/our_sitter_killed_our_dogs/

12kr1q0

AITA for insisting my son be invited to my daughters wedding after he got drunk, groped her friends against their will and had to be tossed out of her engagement celebration

CONCLUDED

*I am not the OP. This is a repost.* [*The original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12d465x/aita_for_insisting_my_son_be_invited_to_my/) *is by* [u/throwaway89193746380/](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway89193746380/) trigger warnings: >!sexual assault!< mood spoiler: >!hopeful!< [**AITA for insisting my son be invited to my daughter’s wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12d465x/aita_for_insisting_my_son_be_invited_to_my/) **(april 5th, 2023)** hi reddit im new here and so i will try my best to format this in a comprehensive way but apologies if i don't follow reddit protocol exactly. so I (56F) am in a bit of a dilemma, my daughter (26F) is getting married this summer and my son (28M) was not invited. they have never really got along and recently they had a big disagreement. my daughter had an engagement party and my son got a bit drunk and got handsy with some of my daughters friends which they didn't like and my daughter was furious at him for touching her friends. she kicked him out and i only found this out after the party was over. flash forward to now my son got a message from my daughter uninviting him to her wedding because of his behaviour toward her friends. he was so upset and called me to tell me what she had said and to be honest i think its a shame that she feels so angry about it but i rang my daughter up and told her i will not be attending the wedding if my son can't come. i felt as though that what he did wasn't worthy of ruining family relationships as him not being invited to her wedding is a huge deal. he's always been a bit temperamental and he gets carried away with things but he means well. my daughters called me and shouted at me saying that i was enabling his horrible behaviour and even my fiancee's mother called me to express her frustration with my decision. but i really don't think im in the wrong here? if the friends don't feel comfortable shouldn't they be uninvited instead of her own brother? so AITA for insisting my son be invited to my daughter’s wedding? **AITA Verdict: YTA** ***In the comments:*** >OP, when your son ends up dead from his addiction or in jail because he likes to sexually assault people, please look in a mirror because you are the reason that it will happen.You should be agreeing with your daughter and trying to get your son help. Not enabling his addiction and illegal behavior. OP: he is not an alcoholic >This!! And the fact that the mother has the audacity to act like it's the friends problem for feeling uncomfortable for being harassed and THEY should be the ones to not attend! OP: im not saying that it is their problem i feel sympathetic towards them i just think my daughter will regret not having her own brother at her wedding >Genuinely trying to help here: > >My aunt is in her 70s now. > >Was having a convo with her about family relationships. She insisted I reach out to a specific cousin and, "connect like you two used too." I told her thanks but no thanks. I tried to deflect, she pushed. > >I told her he touched me inappropriately when we were small, so im not comfortable with him around me or my kid. > >She asked why? I explained. Told her what happened, she said, 'no big deal'. So then i asked her. > >You have a 16 year old grand daughter. How would you feel if your brother touched her like that? > >She GASPED, and said id beat him up and throw him in jail! > >Ok auntie. So how come I have to get over it, but youd never let it happen to granddaughter? > >She then remembered her own grandfather. As a child he apparently would take the kids, set them on his lap, and ya'll can guess from there. Auntie said she never saw grandpa after a while and never knew why. I helped her connect the dots. > >They kept him away from children because they KNEW he was dangerous. But they never told the kids or anyone what he did. Cuz 'reputation in town'. So auntie and all her siblings, had that happen, and never got taught it was wrong. > >They had their trauma brushed under the rug. And it took her 60+ years to finally figure it out. > >Your son sexually assaulted your daughters friends. Just because sober him says sorry, doesnt make it a genuine sorry. If he was really sorry, he wouldn't have called you to fix it. He wouldve accepted his fate and done better in the future. > >I know this is long but I really hope it brings some perspective. Auntie also thought it was, 'No big deal'. Until the tables were turned. Then she realized how wrong she was. > >I hope you gain some insight as well, in a non-harsh way. Genuinely hope this helps a little. > >You are the AH. But learning could save everyone from future incidents. Best of luck. OP: thank you for this **UPDATE 1 (edited onto original post)** Edit: okay wow this is getting lots of attention. i accept the consensus that i am the asshole here. i guess i just didn’t see what my son did as ‘that bad’ because i’ve had lots of those things happen to me from family members and such and nobody made much of a fuss over these things back in the day. but regardless thank you for all of those who wrote in. [**Update i guess? AITA for insisting my son be invited to my daughters wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12d8k5t/update_i_guess_aita_for_insisting_my_son_be/) **(april 5th, 2023)** wow. hi, i don’t think i’ve ever been slated more in my life. but i see why. some comments really put things into perspective for me. thank you to the ones who were gentle with me. genuinely appreciate it. but anyway… a little explanation i suppose. where im from we don’t have an active feminist community at all. i wont get into too large of details of my own life as it doesn’t justify what went down but essentially i suppose now i have realised that i was groped by my grandfather for a majority of my childhood and i was always dismissive of that behaviour and i suppose that is why i was so lenient with my son’s behaviour. it pains me to see so many people saying the things that have been playing in my mind for years. i had hoped i hadn’t completely failed as a parent but i guess i have. i think im going to contact the girls and apologise for my son’s behaviour and apologise to my daughter. i mostly feel guilty for making this process stressful for her. we’ve always had a great relationship and i hope this doesn’t break it. i think i will be getting my son into counseling and me into therapy as we evidently have serious character flaws. i am not a bad person and im sorry if you believe that i am. thank you for your attention.

kardacheyenne

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12l1yj1/aita_for_insisting_my_son_be_invited_to_my/

12l1yj1

New Update to: AITA For making my Brothers wedding reception "about me"?

NEW UPDATE

**I am not the Original Poster. That is still** [u/DepartureOld6400](https://www.reddit.com/user/DepartureOld6400/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and her own page. I made her previous posts into a BORU post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12b8vq2/aita_for_making_my_brothers_wedding_reception/). New update is marked with \*\*\*\*\* **Trigger Warning:** >!ablism!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy-ish!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/124bxls/aita_for_making_my_brothers_wedding_reception/)**: March 27, 2023** I (25F) am a bridesmaid to to the fiancée (30F) of my older brother (31M). She and I aren't particularly close but I don't dislike her and I suspect she asked me just because i'm my brothers sister. I of course agreed and I was even fine with her putting me in whatever style she wanted so long as it didn't involve me cutting/dyeing my hair you know any major changes. It's not my day I can suck up an ugly dress and act like it's gorgeous if that makes her happy. The issue however is that i'm a wheelchair user. I know that the wedding venue is fine for me as it's our local church, totally accessible so all good. It's the venue being used for the reception that worries me. I asked her where the reception was going to be and if it was accessible for me and had an accessible bathroom, you know just covering my bases. She didn't get back to me. I figured she was busy so left it a week or so before chasing her up again to reask. She told me she wasn't sure so I asked where it was and she told me. I ended up looking up the building and my heart sank, it is an old building, not accessible at all for me and no bathrooms I could feasibly use either. I told her this and she got very upset saying my brother had told her that he'd cover the cost and she should just pick whatever she loved and that she loved this. She then went on to suggest that we could just have someone carry me into the building and my family or the other bridesmaids could help me use the bathroom when needed which the very idea of mortified me. I'm not about to agree to being carried in and needing help to go to the bathroom. I ended up giving her two options, if she wanted me at the reception she needed to pick somewhere that was accessible. If she didn't pick somewhere accessible then i'd of course still be her bridesmaid at the wedding but i'd have to skip the reception. She got upset at this as she feels like everyone especially my family will notice my absence and question it and it'll make her look bad. She then told me I was making this about me which wasn't fair when it was her day. I won't lie at this point I was enraged, I wanted to tell my brother to let him sort this but I wasn't about to start shit between them over this and I pointed out to her that yes this was her day and I had no intention of making about me however by marrying my brother she was joining our family and she needed to realise that she was not as sensitive as she thought she was and suggesting that I be carried into the building and aided going to the bathroom was downright insulting. This led to a larger fight and she told me if my brother didn't already know I was her bridesmaid that she'd not want me to be it anymore. I called it quits at that point and told her she had my two options and it was up to her which she wanted. Am I the asshole here? I don't feel like asking for the minimum accessibility is a lot but maybe i'm too upset by the situation and her suggestions to see it clearly. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More about why she hasn't gone to brother yet:* "That's a good idea, I may have to talk to him about this. He is not at all inconsiderate which is why i've been hesitant to get him involved as I know with most people he'd get angry over this and I don't want to start a fight with them, he likely assumed it was obvious that any venue needed to be wheelchair accessible." *About the fiancée:* "I really hope it's not an indication of a cruel streak as I don't want to think that of her. I'm really hoping it's just the stress of the wedding getting to her but maybe I should bring it up to him before they get married to be safe. I will likely discuss this with my parents to and get them to weigh in on this matter." *More about the building/where she lives:* "The UK and yes there are however historic buildings are a grey area and so long as actual weddings aren't being held there they don't have to be fully accessible." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): March 28, 2023 (next day)** Hi everyone here's an update to the situation, as many of you suggested I checked in with my Brother and told him what was going on and I found out that the reason he'd left the reception to her was they'd made an agreement with him covering the ceremony and she'd cover the reception. We're Catholic so he cared more about the religious side of the event while she cared more about the reception/party as she's not religious which isn't a bad thing just different. I showed him the texts and explained what had happened, he was pissed off at her suggestion I be carried into the building and assisted in going to the bathroom and after only a quick search of the venue she'd picked he could also see it wouldn't work out for me and promised he'd resolve this and have a talk with her. He was annoyed at me for not bringing this to his attention sooner and told me I shouldn't worry about his feelings over this. The best part of all of this? the venue isn't even booked yet, he had assumed she'd pick out somewhere accessible but has admitted that he should have ensured that and not thought it a given so he has told me he'll see it's changed and if it isn't they have a bigger problem on their hands. The part that really got to him though was the admission that she didn't want me as her bridesmaid if he didn't already know and he told me in that case he didn't want me being her bridesmaid and instead wanted me to be his groomswoman which I agreed to. I've yet to hear back from him on what's happening, so I can only wait and see. I'll update further when I know more. ***Relevant Comments:*** "Basically what she implied was that my brother had told her the skys the limits and to not worry about price as he'd cover it so long as she loved it. I do think he likely just assumed it was a given that it needed to be wheelchair accessible as they've been together so long and she knows me." **\*\*\*\*\*New** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/DepartureOld6400/comments/12f00bl/update_so_the_wedding_is_off/)**\*\*\*\*\*: April 7, 2023 (1.5 weeks from original post)** This is an update to the post I made a few days ago, [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/124bxls/aita\_for\_making\_my\_brothers\_wedding\_reception/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/124bxls/aita_for_making_my_brothers_wedding_reception/) thank you all for your comments and opinions over there. Sorry for the late update a lot has been going on behind the scenes and i've been spending time with my brother in the aftermath so have been busy. My brothers now ex-partner refused to reach a compromise on the reception venue despite days of arguments between the two of them and apparently even demanded to know what mattered more to him her having her dream reception or me being there and she didn't like his answer to that question at all. Likewise he was disgusted with her attitude and apparently this wasn't the only red flag just the biggest one he'd been unable to overlook. For instance she kept insisting on getting our mothers engagement ring early which my Brother didn't cave on thank god. My brother is the oldest child so was promised our Mothers engagement ring that has been in the family four generations. He made it clear to her that she'd get it once they were officially married and got her a cheap placeholder until then but she'd apparently been kicking up a fuss about it every so often trying to get him to cave. I was totally unaware of this until he told me. My brother apparently told her he loved her and he wanted to work through this with her but they needed serious couples therapy before he'd go ahead with the wedding, even suggesting that I tag along for a families therapy appointment to get to the root of her apparent problem with me which she didn't take well to telling him if the wedding was off they were breaking up which he told her that was her decision and he wouldn't fight her on it. So yeah, he's been hanging out at mine a lot and I felt incredibly guilty over this shitstorm but he won't hear any apologies from me on it saying it's better this came to a head now. He's also wanting to take me and our parents on a family holiday with the money he was going to use for the wedding so he has something to look forward to. I don't want to say we're well rid of her as I do think she had some issues that my brother was right they'd have needed to resolve in therapy to become a healthy couple as she seemed to think there was some kind of competition for his affection going on. Anyway, that's where things are right now I just thought i'd let you all know as I know many of you were wondering about the aftermath.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12lj3fc/new_update_to_aita_for_making_my_brothers_wedding/

12lj3fc

My (23f) cousin (27f)told me that she was having sex with my boyfriend(25m), who died last year. (while we were together)

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRacousinandbf in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!death of a partner!< mood spoilers: >!vaguely optimistic but also sad!< ---   [**My (23f) cousin (27f)told me that she was having sex with my boyfriend(25m), who died last year. (while we were together)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12apk0q/my_23f_cousin_27ftold_me_that_she_was_having_sex/) - 04/03/2023 Almost one year ago, i lost the man I considered the love of my life ( we were together since I was 19). He died in an accident and this was so unexpected. It was tragic and I went into depression. He was the man I wanted call my husband , and have a family with. There were so many things we wanted to experience together. I just couldn’t deal with it and the pain was very strong. Thankfully, i had a few people who were there for me. I also went to therapy, and it really helped me. It still hurts a lot but I’m doing my best to get better. The thing is that, I have this cousin who I see from time to time, but don’t really get along with. She only contact me when she needs me to help her. She used to have, still has a lot of issues and trouble . so, I used to feel a bit bad about her and try to help her a bit Two days ago, she called me, because she wanted to know, if I could take care of her kids ( she’s a single mother of two) for a few hours. I told her that I couldn’t because I had to study for some exam. She started to get mad , go on a rant, and told me that i was being a bitch, that I was lying, things as such). I told her I was done with her and her insults. I was about to hang up. But that’s when she told me : just so you know, I was fucking with ( my late boyfriend’s name ), for 3 months and that, until the day he died. I just couldn’t believe it, I was in disbelief, completely shocked, but didn’t know if it was true or not. I told her to shut up, that it was all lies, that she needed to take her medication and hung up on her. I started to cry. I was in so shocked, I wasn’t ready for it. I know she has some bipolar issues, but I also know for sure she had sex with plenty married and taken men, as well, in her past. I’m so confused, I just have a hard time believing my bf would have been able to do that. He didn’t even like her and she didn’t like him either. I don’t think she was his type and he told me she was bringing too much drama. If it’s true, I never saw or noticed anything. I can’t believe it, but it put some doubts in my mind. I’m feeling lost and confused now Is she lying ? Did she invent this because she wanted to be mean and hurt me ? I just don’t know what to think.   --- **Relevant Comments:**   Eis_ber: >Your bf is dead, so it's not like you can ask him. You could ask his friends or go through his phone, but what good will that do you? Let it go. Tell your cousin that her confession says more about how horrible a person she is, whether it's true or not. Grieve your partner and move on. --- Indecks9999: >At this point it does not matter what happened, Only that she said this to make you angry and it hurt you. Block this person and never look back Original Poster - ThrowRacousinandbf: >I will cut her off for sure. I feel sorry for the issues she has/ had to deal with. But is she isn’t feeling sorry for me. She’s bringing a lot of drama as well. And that event was just too much --- Orangedilemma: >Sounds like she’s lying to me… she was just throwing any insult and anything hurtful that would stick at you Original Poster - ThrowRacousinandbf: >That’s what I told myself in the beginning. And then, doubts started to appear, because I know, it wouldn’t be the first time she would have sex with someone in a relationship. And I asked myself: was my boyfriend as perfect as I thought? --- Original Poster - ThrowRacousinandbf: >Even though, I trusted him 100%, I have a lot of doubts, now. I didn’t see any signs, but I know her past and that could be her type. Maybe, I was idealising him too much, and the fact that he died, intensified this feeling. Maybe, I need to open my eyes and face reality. I didn’t ask for more details, so I can’t really tell if she’s telling the truth. -- [**Update: my (23f) cousin (27f) told me that she was having sex with my boyfriend (25m)(he died last year)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12ev6fj/update_my_23f_cousin_27f_told_me_that_she_was/) - 4/7/2023 Few days ago, i posted about my cousin telling ( during an argument), that she was having sex ( for three months), with my boyfriend, while we were together. My boyfriend died almost a year ago. We had such a beautiful relationship and even though , I didn’t believe her ( she has mental health issues), it still fucked me up and put some doubts in my head. You can see my previous post on my profile, for more details. Since I posted, I waited 2 days, to see if she would contact me to apologise, but I didn’t hear from her. So, as many people suggested, I blocked her. I decided that I was completely done with her and I cut her off. I won’t be able to forgive her, because what she did was very vile and cruel. She was not worth it anyways. I talked about it to my mother, brothers and my late boyfriend’s friends ( few of them). And everyone told me, that I shouldn’t believe her. His friends told me that they never saw any signs. They never heard that he was cheating with her or anyone. They also told me that every time he was taking about me, it was in positive. It reassures me and but that made me sad, because, it made me miss him even more. Now, I’ll try to only keep the good memories that I had with him and I will try to forget about what she said. I want to honour his memory, because he was the man I loved. I know the path is going to be long, and I know that depression probably isn’t too far. I have some bad days and better ones. My cousin made things worst. But thankfully, I have a great mother and brothers, best friend, few friends. However, sometimes I still feel very alone and lost. I hope for better days. And to the people who told me they lost someone in the comments, I feel your pain and I’m sorry. Also, thanks to the ones who show me support, I appreciate it. Every time I had an issue or a problem, my bf used to tell me: we’ll make it together. Now I’m alone, but I’ll fight for you and your memory 💔   --- **Relevant Comments:** BigDrakow: >You did the right thing. You will feel better...in time. You will start living your life again when you are ready. >It doesn't matter how long it will take, you will suffer along the way but always remember you have people you can rely on. You don't have to walk this path alone. >Love will come again and so will happiness, life is beautiful and horrible and it will try to put you down again and again. Just pull yourself back up and come see us, we will be here. Original Poster - ThrowRacousinandbf: >Thanks a lot for your words. I know it will get better, but it will take time. I’m still a bit better than last year. And I can’t live, stuck in the past. I will never forget the good moments and memories, but I know that I have to focus on the present now. Fjordgard: >You know, in some way, you will "make it together"; in some way, you will grow old with him. You won't forget him and even though you will, one day, find someone else you will love, what you experienced - the good and the bad - will stay with you and shape you as a person. So in a way, by being with you and helping you become the person you are and you remembering him, your boyfriend is still a part of your life. >I lost my mother in October of 2021 and it still hurts like crap. It'll take time, believe me. The fact that the world doesn't stop turning when a loved one dies feels both soothing and cruel. Life goes on without the one who left us and even if we want to stay in the past, we can't. It takes some time to see that as a blessing. >Just take it one step at a time. You got this. Original Poster - ThrowRacousinandbf: >Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sorry for your loss. I think we’re never really ready to lose someone we love, but we have to live with it. I still have family and people who I love. And I know they want me to feel better as well. So I try my best. Thankfully, therapy helped me with the process as well. --- **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

NascentEcho

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12m08hq/my_23f_cousin_27ftold_me_that_she_was_having_sex/

12m08hq

I think my sister’s boyfriend (M44) is infatuated with my son (M13) - New Update

NEW UPDATE

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** [u/throwalllthewayawayy](https://www.reddit.com/u/throwalllthewayawayy/) **(account is now deleted)** **in** [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) TW: >!Pedophilia, grooming, stalking, harassment!< Mood Spoiler: >!Extremely disturbing. Hopeful developments, but ultimately inconclusive!< *Note: This is a follow up to my previous BORU post about this, which can be found* [*here*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/122vwu7/i_think_my_sisters_boyfriend_m44_is_infatuated/)*. I'll start this post with the third update for added context, but the fourth update is the newest one if you want to skip to it.* \~\~\~ [Third Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/122zn0j/update_3_i_think_my_sisters_boyfriend_m44_is/) \- Mar. 26, 2023 **Update 3: I think my sister's boyfriend (M44) is infatuated with my son (M13).** Hi, all, this is my third update. Another long one, so TLDR at the bottom. I have both bad news and good (really good!) news. Due to the bad news, I'm not mentally doing the best right now, so I’m sorry if this is scrambled, because I don’t really know where to start. I’m angry, hurt, disgusted, and as all of my emotions begin to pile upon each other, I’m beginning to spiral a bit. And before anyone begins to worry, I’ll put it out there now that my son is doing okay. I guess I’ll start off by saying that my son and I weren’t in the house much, up until Friday of this week. We’d been staying at a local motel that’s decently close to his school and where I work. I am a waitress at a restaurant, and my manager knows I’m dealing with housing issues, so he’s been a bit understanding with me when I call out. But when you don’t work, you don’t get paid — and between the Lyfts, takeouts, and motel costs, my wallet isn’t doing so great, but I’m 100% making it work, and I have no regrets. But since we weren’t at the house, things sort of escalated a bit. David’s number is blocked on Roman’s phone, but he found him on TikTok and Instagram on Monday night and messaged him there. Nothing explicit in the messages, just things like: *Did you block my number?* *I really miss talking to you, is everything okay?* *Maybe in the future, we can talk to each other again. I’m sorry if I upset you or your mom.* *Are you and your mom safe? Where are you staying?* *Respond to me when you get a moment. I have something important to tell you.* And many more like that, just him begging my son for a conversation. I was *livid* when my son showed me. I think what set me off the most is that I know David messaged him because he thought my kid would respond without telling me. He thinks they have some secret, private relationship right under my nose that I’m interfering with. I’m pretty sure that’s why he hasn't kicked me out of his house. He's not mad, just miserable and desperate for some sort of contact. I feel like no matter how hard I pull my son away from David, he’s refusing to let go. We blocked the Instagram and TikTok accounts immediately, and I screenshotted the messages (I'm trying to keep a record of everything). I asked Roman to delete his Snapchat account, just in case, but he didn't want to do that (I’m 99% sure he has a girl on there that he likes). I let that slide because he came straight to me about the other accounts, and he agreed not to add any new accounts on Snapchat or post anything that gave away our location for the time being. This entire ordeal upset my son. He broke down in tears when he came back from school the next day. That hurt a lot to see. I don't know if I expressed this, but Roman genuinely liked David, and they got along well. Maybe my kid saw him as a father figure, since he was shunned and neglected by my ex-husband. I think I underestimated the mental toll it would take on him from having to cut David off completely, and then block him when he reached out privately. Someone noted that I should get him into therapy soon. I plan on doing that once we are securely living on our own and I find the money for it. It's definitely a priority. David’s harassment spilled over to me, too. He called me multiple times and texted me things like: *Let me know when you’re back so we can resolve this.* *Am I allowed to attend Roman's baseball game on Thursday with you? I'd like to support him.* *Can you please answer? I'd really love to talk, just us. I'm sorry if I gave you both the wrong impression.* I didn’t block his number on my phone. I figured that the more he talked, the more likely he’d continue to incriminate himself and I could use his words against him. I didn't answer a single one of his questions, but I let him know that if he contacted my kid ever again or if he showed up to his school or any events that I'd go straight to the police. And that’s not an empty threat, either. Unbeknownst to him, I am getting the police involved because I now have **solid** evidence that this man has a sick obsession with my child. This is the bad news, and I’ll forewarn you that if you’re easily triggered, please don’t read any further (or at least skip this and the next two paragraphs). I want to thank you all for confirming my suspicions in the first post, because I found something heinous. I mentioned that I planned to set up a camera in Roman’s room. I asked for his permission first, and he said he didn’t care since we’re barely in the house anymore. The camera I chose is motion sensitive and links the footage to my iPhone, so I can watch it anywhere. The camera was set up on Sunday night as soon as I received the package, and I hid it above the doorframe, so that it overlooked the entire room. You can’t see it unless you use a ladder. I didn't get anything for a couple days; I was randomly notified of movement in the room, but saw nothing when I looked at the footage. But on Wednesday evening, at around six, David came into my son’s room, stood there for a moment, and then left — no longer than a minute. An hour-ish later, he returned and started going through his drawers. He picked up a *specific* garment and left within less than two minutes. I wanted to throw up. I didn’t sleep that entire night at the motel. The following day, I had someone cover my shift, which gave me the opportunity to do a deep search of David’s room while he was at work and my son was at school. I found the article of clothing inside of his pillowcase, on top of the pillow, right where he would lay his head to rest at night. I was so sick to my stomach that it took me almost two hours to confiscate that article of clothing and check it for evidence. I won’t elaborate, but you can infer what I mean. I was nauseated the entire time. All I could do was put on gloves, throw it into a ziplock bag, and shove it into my closet. I didn’t want to look at it or even think about it. I still don’t. That answers the question of why David was so insistent on doing my kid’s laundry. Who knows how long this has been going on? I've been ruminating on the next steps to take. Besides my main priority — going to the police — my other priority is telling my sister Sarah. We are obviously not on the best terms right now. She found out that I confronted her boyfriend last week, and she is livid. How dare I accuse him of grooming my son. Apparently, he’s not the same man he was after we left, and returned to his old habits. He was back to going to bars with his friends every evening. His drinking got worse. He had stopped coming home early from work and dragged himself through the door at almost midnight — *if* he even bothered coming home, that is. And he was no longer affectionate toward her. Apparently, it’s my fault he’s depressed again. If those aren't red flags, I don't know what is. I can't tell if she is in denial, or if she can't actually see them. But what she's most concerned about is that David hasn't been home since Thursday. He went to work, came home briefly, then left again without telling her when he’d be back. In my head, that makes sense; he knows that either she or I took the garment that was inside of his pillowcase, and now he’s afraid to come home. It confirms all of my suspicions. I will tell my sister everything, though, probably tonight or tomorrow. I have no idea how to go about it, and I guess I'm nervous about her reaction. She's still convinced that I’m having a manic episode. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 many years ago, and I take medication to manage it. If I go off of my meds, my mania will progressively get worse until I spiral into psychosis. So her concerns are valid (I put her through a lot back when I wasn’t stable) but that's not the current case for me right now. I have tangible proof *and* video proof of her boyfriend being a creep. I can bring up the camera footage, but then I have the issue of not getting either of their consent to put a camera in their house, and I don’t know how well that would go over with her, even if it was for a good reason. I just know that if I were in her shoes, I would be grateful that my boyfriend — potential fiancé — was outed as a predator before I got engaged to him. She’s pretty much past the age of having children, but has plans to adopt in the distant future…so I have to tell her, somehow. My son and I have been back in the house since Friday night. My sister still isn’t kicking me out, but she doesn’t want me here anymore. She’s made that very clear. The only reason why I haven't packed our things and left is because, again, David is gone. He won't tell anyone his whereabouts and has turned off his location on his phone, according to my sister. She thinks he might be crashing on a friend’s couch — something he’s done multiple times in the past. I think he knows I’m onto him. But his absence means that I can stay at the house for now. I’m still watching my kid like a hawk and staying hyper vigilant. Still sleeping in his room, taking him to work with me, etc. I can live with the hostility from my sister as long as he is safe, especially since we won’t be here for much longer. Which leads me to the good news! I got approved for public housing! I won’t share too many details, but I will share the most important one — we’ll get to move in in a little over three weeks. There are a lot of logistics that I need to work out (the school bus system, a mode of transportation to work, etc) but I'm glad that something is working out in my favor after this week of hell. The constant vigilance is exhausting, and I can't wait to be in a safer environment. I guess all I really have left to say is that I’m not sure how to go about providing the evidence I have to the police. When I give them what I have, they’ll start some kind of investigation, right? I’m just nervous that I could get into trouble for the camera. And the messaging; that counts as harassment, right? Do I tell my sister everything *before* I go to the police? Any advice you can give is welcome, because I’ve never been in a situation like this before, and I don’t want to mess it up. Just because I am leaving does not mean that I’m letting David get away with what he’s done. Thank you all for your unwavering support. I'm having a hard time right now, but I'll update as soon as I can. Thank you for listening. TLDR; found David harassing my son via messages and caught him on camera taking my son’s clothing. Will provide evidence to the police so they can build a case. Am planning on telling my sister everything. Got approved for housing, and will be moving out very soon. ETA: Thank you for the overwhelming advice. I put the clothing into a paper bag; I had no idea how plastic could affect it. I will make copies of the texts and the camera footage. I will not be telling my sister anything for the time being, and I am going to the police tomorrow. I am looking into getting a lawyer as well. Roman's school has already been informed that I am the only guardian allowed to pick him up. He will be staying with a friend tomorrow night, and once I save a little money I will move us back to the motel. \~\~\~ **\*\*\*NEW UPDATE\*\*\*** [Fourth Update](https://www.unddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12fywb2/update_4_i_think_my_sisters_boyfriend_m44_is/) (recovered with Unddit) - Apr. 8, 2023 **Update 4: I think my sister's boyfriend (M44) is infatuated with my son (M13).** Hi all, this is my fourth update. It's a bit weird to be sharing the personal details of my life to thousands of people online, but I feel like I owe it to you all and it helps me keep track of everything, so I don't mind. Not to mention how helpful your advice has been, as I've never encountered a situation like this and I was terrified that I’d make the wrong move and mess everything up. So thank you all so much for being so kind and helpful. There’s a lot I have to talk about; I did go to the police, and an arrest will most likely be made in the near future. Before I get into that, I think I will start with the escalation in David’s behavior and his whereabouts, and then circle back to what happened with the police. Hopefully, the timeline still makes sense. TLDR at the bottom. In my last update, I left off with David’s disappearance after I found out what he did with my son’s clothing and confiscated it. It turns out that David was not on the run, nor missing, nor crashing on a friend’s couch. He holed up at his parents’ house, and is still currently there. My sister informed me that due to my accusations of him grooming my son, David had a “mental health crisis”, she “hopes I’m happy with myself”, and she feels the need to stay with him for support. So, in other words, he’s hiding at his parents’ house because either the guilt is getting to him, or he’s scared. Or both. His entire family is infuriated with me. Whatever story he’s feeding them is making me look insane in their eyes. Not once did they ask me for my side of the story. After I went to the police, my sister made the decision to kick me out of her home. I saw it coming a mile away, so I’m not too upset by it; I just wish she didn’t feel such fierce loyalty to him and his family. I don’t even know how to explain to my kid that his aunt doesn’t support him. She does know I was approved for housing, and that I have no other place for our belongings at the moment, so she at least has the decency to let us keep our stuff there until we can fully move out. I guess that counts for something. Not much else to say about that; I’ve just been trying to keep my distance. David’s behavior, though, got so much worse during this “mental health crisis”. The harassment escalated to stalking, under the guise of “wanting to clear the air”. He: * Showed up to Roman’s baseball game that was held at a different school to try and speak with him. That means he found his schedule, the exact time he was playing, and the address of that school. * Found the motel we’d been staying at (we had to move to a different one after this incident). * Created three other Instagram profiles to message him about how this is all a misunderstanding, how much he misses him, etc. Some of these messages were *awful*. Things like “Don’t let other people make decisions for you”, and “You’re old enough to decide who should be in your life and who shouldn’t”. Paragraphs and paragraphs of him pouring his heart out to my son, and begging him not to tell *me* that he’s been reaching out. This harassment has left my son completely disillusioned. After screenshotting everything, I asked him not to read the messages anymore and to just delete them. At that point, I wanted to take his phone away but I knew he’d resent me for that. Maybe I made the wrong decision, maybe I didn’t. I don’t know. The day David found our motel was one of the most traumatic moments of my life. I don’t know how he found us. My sister knows I’ve been staying at a motel, but I never told her which one. On that day, it was about 9pm, and I needed to go to the corner store to grab something. My son was taking a shower and getting ready for bed, as he had school the next day. The corner store was a minute’s walk away. The room we were staying in was visible from the windows of the store. I’d made this quick trip countless times. In the moment, I didn’t feel unsafe leaving my kid behind, but hindsight is always 20/20. I already feel stupid, no need to tell me. David had parked at the lot across the street, and I didn’t see his car. He waited until I was almost at the store and my back was fully turned to go for our motel room door. It was obviously locked, so he started knocking, but by then I had already heard him and was running in his direction. I nearly blacked out from the fear and adrenaline, and it’s hard to remember much. I recall that he didn’t seem angry; he just had this miserable, panicked look in his eyes. He really did look like someone who was going through a mental health crisis. I told him I was calling the police and that he needed to leave. He said that he was “entitled to a conversation” with me, but he ran off once he saw me dialing 911. To me, his reasoning is bullshit. He keeps saying that he wants a “conversation” and to “clear the air” with me, but if that were true, then why didn’t he approach me? He knew I wasn’t in the room. Why did he essentially try to break in, where he knew my son was alone? I of course documented this incident with the police, which I will get into right now. On Monday, March 27, the day after my last update and days before the aforementioned events occurred, I went to the police for the first time. The police officer I spoke with sat me down and gave me the opportunity to talk about everything — how David was very close with Roman, what I caught him doing with his clothes, the messages, etc. Thank God for these posts, because I found myself referring back to them. Memory can be unreliable. I presented the evidence that I had as well; I showed the video footage and gave her the article of clothing I confiscated, as well as the text messages and Instagram and TikTok messages. She then told me she would contact the district attorney, which she did soon after. I was shocked by how fast the process was moving, and she told me that since it involves the potential sexual abuse of a minor, they don’t want to waste any time. I was interviewed again by a detective, and a couple days later, they called David in for an interview. By then, the stalking had begun. During my second interview, I showed him the new messages David sent, and told him about how David showed up to the school and the motel. I don’t know what they asked David during his interview, but I can imagine that he denied everything and spun up a web of lies to try and make me look crazy. I’m not really concerned about him, though. With all of the evidence I have, David should be very, very nervous. A detective interviewed my son as well. This is what worried me the most, and I insisted that if they didn’t have to do it, I’d rather they didn’t question him at all. But they said it would help build a stronger case, and I trust them. I was told I had to be there during his interview, since he is a minor. Roman only knows about the stalking and harassment, but he has no idea about what David did with his clothes, and I want to keep it that way for as long as I can. I personally asked the detective not to bring it up. I’d just like to shield him from it all. They asked my son about the messages and the stalking, as well as their relationship. When asked about any physical contact they had, Roman brought something up that he didn’t initially tell me about. He said there was one instance when he and David were in the living room watching a show called Stranger Things. David randomly placed his hand on my son’s chest, left it there for a moment, then said, “I’m glad you’re alive.” I…don’t really know what to make of that, but combined with everything else he’s done, it’s very disturbing. I asked my son about it afterward, and he said that he didn’t tell me because it didn’t make him feel uncomfortable. As an isolated event, I guess it could seem like an innocent act to a thirteen year old, so I understand why he didn’t bring it up, but I don’t know. All I can do is take his word for it. In terms of the case, they are now requesting a warrant of arrest with the clerk of the court. If this is granted, then David will be arrested and charged with Lewd and Lascivious Behavior, Harassment, and Stalking. He could end up getting up to five years in prison, maybe even more since a minor is involved. So that’s where I’m at right now, waiting for the clerk’s decision. The waiting game is stressful, but I’m trying to focus on the positives as much as I can. It’s nice to see how fast the police and detectives are working and how serious they are taking my case. All I can do is trust that the outcome will be in my favor. After the interviews, all of David’s harassment stopped. Good thing, too; stalking and harassment of a minor is a felony, and I’m sure knowing that the police are onto him scared him. I’m not naive enough to feel safe, though. I filed a petition for a protective order after the  motel incident. I’ve been feeling paranoid (not a good feeling for someone who’s bipolar) and having a lot of anxiety lately. Always looking over my shoulder, flinching when I see a stranger who looks like him, etc. “I’m entitled to a conversation with you,” he said when he tried to break into my motel room, but I don’t believe him. I think David believes he’s entitled to unrestrained access to my child due to their prior relationship. The entitlement is what scares me the most, that someone can just…take something because they feel like it belongs to them. I'm scared to go anywhere with my kid. Anytime he goes to school, I fear that it will be the last time I see him. It hasn’t sunk in yet that my situation has developed into this. It’s been difficult for me to wrap my head around where David’s sudden attachment stemmed from. I was under the impression that predators are in general weird around children, but he never acted this way around other children, only mine. When he started dating my sister, she told me that David didn’t want kids, and she was trying to convince him to change his mind. That’s why she was so happy to see him and my son “bond”. Someone previously commented that in David’s mind, he might believe that there’s a legitimate romantic connection between him and my son. I don’t know if there’s any validity to that, and the idea of looking into it makes me nauseous. I’d rather not speculate and just pray that he gets arrested soon. The biggest drawback is that all of this has significantly disturbed our quality of life. I know that my kid is putting on a brave face, but he’s not doing well. It’s getting to him, and I knew it would, but actually seeing this siphon his happiness away is gut-wrenching. He’s still doing fine at school, still eagerly partaking in sports and spending time with his friends, but every once in a while, he’ll do the thousand yard stare, his eyes bereft of any sort of awareness (dissociation, maybe?). He used to eat a ton but he hasn’t been finishing his food lately. He constantly says he doesn’t feel well. I can’t afford therapy right now but I spoke with his school counselor, and they want to start weekly meetings with him to check in (which my son was not thrilled about, as he does not want to bring any of this up at school). He is very open with me about his feelings and we do talk about everything that’s been going on, but there’s only so much I can do. He needs a professional. I’m not doing well either. I am exhausted. I’ve never felt so overwhelmed in my entire life. My mental health is on a rapid decline. I’m not eating or sleeping normally. I can barely get through a shift at work without breaking down. Even my intrusive thoughts have been alarming and distressing. You don’t think you’re capable of these things until you’re in this situation. There really is no going back once you find out something like that. I don’t have a lot of people to talk to about this. I think I need help. Hopefully my next update is more positive. Thank you for listening. TLDR; David’s harassment escalated to stalking. I contacted the police and gave them the evidence I had. Interviews with David, my son, and me were conducted. The police are currently requesting a warrant of arrest. If he is arrested, he is looking at 5 to 10 years in prison. \~\~\~ *Note: OOP deleted her account shortly after the fourth update was removed, so unfortunately it seems like we won't be getting any future updates. We'll just have to hope for the best for her and her son :(* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12mp651/i_think_my_sisters_boyfriend_m44_is_infatuated/

12mp651

My boyfriend (26M) found out I'm (26F) rich and started using it against me.

REPOST

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by [u/ThrowRa\_20A](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRa_20A/) on [r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/).\*\* [**My boyfriend (26M) found out I'm (26F) rich and started using it against me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/q20ohb/my_boyfriend_26m_found_out_im_26f_rich_and/) **-** **Oct 5, 2021** My boyfriend and I met through a dating app 8 months ago and we’ve had a good, steady relationship. I come from a well-off family, but my parents never spoiled me. They taught me to not indulge in excess and to keep my privilege in mind when interacting with people. I’m currently living in an apartment with only my salary. I haven’t told my boyfriend about my wealth – I wasn’t actively hiding it; it just didn’t come up. My birthday was a few weeks ago and my parents threw a party at our home. Our home is a medium sized villa. My boyfriend started scowling when I told him that that was the home I grew up in. When I asked him about it, he told me it was nothing and started smiling again. His mood got worse as more and more of my parents’ rich friends started coming in. When I asked him about it the next day, he just told me that he was feeling a little sick. After we got back, he asked me why I hid the fact I was rich. I told him that I wasn’t hiding it. But he started bringing it up in every conversation after that – like telling his me that I didn’t know how to cook properly because I was spoilt. He brought it up with his friends, telling them I was a spoilt princess who had everything handed to me. It started as jokes, but it got more hostile as the days went on. When I brought this up, he told me I didn’t know normal people problems because I was rich. Did I do something wrong? What should I do? [**\[UPDATE\] My BF (26M) found out I'm (26F) rich and started using it against me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/q3dxx8/update_my_bf_26m_found_out_im_26f_rich_and/) **-** **Oct 7, 2021** After I made the reddit post, I tried to have a conversation with him, but he kept stonewalling me. He made more snide comments and I decided to break up. When I told him that I was leaving him, it felt like he was expecting it. He called me a “rich bitch” and went on a rant about how I was leaving him because he was poor. Some commenters told me to expect this, but it still came as a shock.  He and I have very good salaries and I don’t know why he said that. He was a good person most of the time I knew him.  Some people asked me why I didn’t warn him about my wealth. All my relationships before him were with people in my social class, so the expectation of wealth was implicit. Having wealth was not a big deal in any of my previous relationships, so I assumed it was the same in this one too. I’ll warn my partners before taking them home in my future relationships.  This is a tangent but I wanted to talk about “I’m not rich, my parents are” thing that many comments suggested. A lot of my friends from wealthy families use that line as a defense but it is misleading. If I wanted to, I could dip into my parents' finances. I choose not to, but it is still my wealth too. It might technically be my parents’ money, but it still makes me wealthy. And having wealthy parents comes with a lot of privileges even if I don’t actively use their money – I never had to work a job when I was studying, I had access to the best schooling, I don’t have student loans and my parents’ connections open a lot of doors. Having a safety net let me find what I was good at and let me take risks. So, unless they are estranged from their families, children from wealthy families are also wealthy.  I thank all the people who commented on my original post and gave me advice. I felt like I was doing something wrong, but you made me see that it was his insecurity and jealousy that was the issue.  \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

Vctoria_R

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12nbtbc/my_boyfriend_26m_found_out_im_26f_rich_and/

12nbtbc

AITA for kicking my son’s girlfriend out of our house?

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**I am not the original poster. That is** [u/throwaway\_\_467](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway__467/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!second hand embarrassment while reading but nothing too serious!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12631ba/aita_for_kicking_my_sons_girlfriend_out_of_our/)**: March 29, 2023** My husband (58 M) and I (56 F) recently met my son’s (24 M) girlfriend for the first time. He’s been crazy about her. Apparently they’ve been dating for a year before he decided to have her meet us officially. What he’s told us about her all seems great: she just got her degree, was enjoying her job, family-oriented, etc., I’m honestly just glad he’s happy with her. My husband and I don’t think he’s ever been this into someone before, so I feel pretty bad about what I did. Last weekend, he brought her over for dinner. By now we’d been anticipating meeting her with how much our son has been gushing about her. How perfect she is, that she’s ‘the one’, in his words. They ring the doorbell. We open the door. She looks exactly like her pictures, which is a great start. My son is grinning ear to ear - another great start. We invite them in. She accepts my hug and a firm handshake from my husband, and then she opens her mouth: “I’m the one your son puts his penis in.” To be frank, I was appalled. I expected my husband to laugh (both he and my son are jokesters, and as annoying as it can be I love it) but THIS was just too much for me. Maybe I’m reserved, but of all things she could have shared about my son she told us THAT. One look at my face and my husband knew how much I disapproved. Maybe I let my expectations get too high, and it’s unfair to have them, but I reiterate: of all things to say to her boyfriend’s parents - whom she’d never met - she chose THAT? My son was amused at first but when he noticed my reaction his face dropped. I felt like he’d sold me the full package, everything he’d always been looking for in a girlfriend. I was too disturbed by the visual it put in my head, and it translated into anger. I told her to get out, and I wanted to say more about how gross it made me feel but I fortunately left it at that. My son didn’t want to go, insisting I give her another chance, but I was too fed up and uncomfortable by this point. Even my husband, who’s enjoyed his fair share of raunchy jokes, wouldn’t let up. They left and I immediately felt guilty. This was something my son had really looked forward to and I feel like I took that away over a dumb joke. I tried calling to apologize but he hasn’t responded. My husband thinks she’s the one who should apologize. I’m considering giving her another chance, but before I do, was I the AH? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Is it possible your son told her to say that?* "This honestly wouldn’t surprise me but I’m not gonna lie I’d be disappointed in him. That’s not something he’d ever say in front of me directly because he knows I’m not a fan of any of personal jokes of that nature. So to make his girlfriend say it wouldn’t be very good and I’d hope that if that is the case that he makes it up to her somehow. I’ll try to reach out again to let them know we can try again. That possibility makes me feel 1000 times worse" *Did she even try to apologize or was she nervous?* "I honestly don’t think I gave her enough time to react properly, and I regret that. Things could have gone a lot smoother if I had. She was just sort of frozen in shock, and she kept looking at my son to try to convince me not to kick her out. I guess she wasn’t sure what else she could say at that point." "It’s hard to say for sure because I don’t know her that well yet, but I think she was anxious, too much to realize what she said was inappropriate, so if she was embarrassed I couldn’t tell. I also don’t think I gave her much of a chance since it all happened so fast. I’ll try to reach out to my son about it!" *Has your husband been making any raunchy jokes leading up to her visit? Something like "can't wait to meet the person you're sleeping with?"* "I can honestly say no, I’ve never heard my husband say that. He’s raunchy, yes but not when it comes to our kids." *OOP reflects:* "I agree I should’ve been more patient about it. I think if we were to try again things will go much smoother, hopefully we can laugh about this later down the line (and leave it at that)" "I wish I took this approach! Without making too many excuses for myself I can say I got too caught in the heat of the moment." "I’d love to give her another chance! Just as long as I’m not given any more graphic visuals (especially at dinner). I hope she’s willing to try again." "He’s not forcing me to give her another chance, I WANT a do-over. I think we all deserve it. I don’t think she’ll make another joke like that again." *Can you try texting/contacting her directly?* "I would love that approach but I unfortunately don’t have any way of contacting her except through my son. He said he’ll give me a call when he gets the chance so surely by the end of the week. I can’t imagine how badly I made her feel about this and regret it." *A few (heavily downvoted) comments on 'you should just be more sex positive'* "Not gonna lie i think this took an extreme turn. I’m not at all against sex inclusivity/positivity or whatever it is. I’m well aware it’s human nature, and that my son has sex. I know it’s normal. But I’m entitled to my ignorance about the details. They’ve already been dating a year, I’d be surprised if they WEREN’T having sex. That doesn’t warrant her saying it though." **EDIT: (Sometime in the next couple of days)** I should clear some things up: My husband had no part in my reaction, I did the kicking out, not him. I don’t want him taking the fall for this. He said she should apologize, but I’m not expecting an apology. Sorry for the confusion. My son lives in a nearby state, it can take about an hour to get back to where we live. He also hasn’t dated anyone seriously for a while, maybe a couple of years. He told us before that he wouldn’t bring anyone home unless he’s sure he wants a future with her. We’ve been asking to meet her ever since he told us about her, but he wanted to be ready. The comment about her looking like her picture shows my age, sorry for that! He’s only shown us her photos she’s sent him as he apparently didn’t have any of them together (he hates taking pictures and apparently she’s always teasing him about it). I don’t think he’d ever lie about who she is, but it’s just a parental concern I’ve subconsciously had. I felt the same way about my daughter’s (then) boyfriend when we first met him. I don’t have any criteria that either of my kids’ spouses need to meet, I just hope my kids are happy with them. What I meant by her being ‘the full package’ was indicative of what he’s told us about her. As his parents we have a good idea of what he looks for in a partner and she checked off everything based on what we’d been told. And on top of everything (aside from what she said) her appearance was how she presented it to be. Again, we aren’t strict about appearances, it’s just a relief to have met someone for the first time and they look like what you’d expected. My husband said that I was worried about ‘second-hand catfishing’ if that’s even a thing lol. I guess it shows how anxious I was about this. Also thank you for your comments and rewards! I’ve had a fee people reach out to me personally, too, thank you for that. Regardless of where you stand, I appreciate it. I personally think everyone needs some room for improvement here but I’ve done my part to make amends and I’m waiting on my son to call me! I’ll be sure to give an update about how it goes. ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): April 9, 2023 (1.5 weeks later)** Thanks for reaching out everyone. My son got in touch with me. His girlfriend agreed to try again. We all met at a restaurant my son and his girlfriend chose. The first thing she said was an apology for what she said. I apologized for my reaction. We hugged. It was nice. She then explained how my son had convinced her a joke like that would land well, and that she wouldn’t have said it if she didn’t think we’d like it. According to my son, she was reluctant to open with any jokes at all, but they came up with that one together on the way over. You guys were right! She’s a really sweet girl. She’s actually very mature, too. I see why my son likes her so much. My husband and I really like her, we told our son to bring her when he visits. We look forward to seeing them again. Overall, I’m glad we could start over. On the right foot this time. Thanks, everyone for your input.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12nuol8/aita_for_kicking_my_sons_girlfriend_out_of_our/

12nuol8

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance?

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Originally posted by u/mdr739 in r/AmItheAsshole on April 5, '23 updated on April 6, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!racism, favoritism!< --- &nbsp; **[Original April 5, '23](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12cmik8/aita_for_not_allowing_my_son_to_go_to_his_school/)** &nbsp; AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? My husband (51M) and I (48F) have 6 children (19M, 16F, 14F, 13M, 11M, + 5F), Our 16 y/o, Gianna is a junior in high school, our son Ryker (13) is in 7th grade. The kids are starting to have their school dances, the 7th grade dance is later this month and the junior banquet is in early May. We have gone shopping for dress clothes for all the dances. We bought Gianna’s dress a few weeks ago. Gianna has usually been a good kid throughout her life, this school year has been slightly harder than others though. Around 2 months ago, we got a call from Gianna’s choir teacher saying that Gianna and a few other altos were making racist jokes about some of the new pieces she introduced, including an Urdu song and a song from Honduras. We talked to Gianna about her actions and we made her write an apology to her teacher as well as write a 5 paragraph essay on why it is important to respect music from other cultures. Ryker has a friend from his baseball team who is Honduran (he was born here but his mom was born in Honduras and his dad is mixed), when Ryker heard out about this he was quite mad and asked if he could have his friend come over, and teach her about the culture there. We allowed this and he came over with his parents and they made food and Ryker and his friend taled about sports and music there, Gianna was very clearly not enjoying it but we made her engage anyways. Our daughter and a group of her friends, including her boyfriend, got in trouble last week for making racist jokes again. We took her phone to investigate to see where this hatred could be coming from. Ryker had his friends over for a sleepover the night we found out about this, during dinner the boys were talking about how their coach would never let them live though it if they bullied a kid or made racist jokes. My husband and I tried helping guide them through their feelings, like asking them about the diverse athletes they liked. Gianna was hanging out with friends at the mall that night, some of whom were doing dress shopping for the upcoming dance. Our son and the boys decided to use this as an opportunity to trash the dress, using mud, drinks and cutting a few holes in the dress. We found out when Gianna came home, entered her room and saw the dress. The boys were laughing and Ryker said they did it because Gianna didn’t deserve to go to the banquet, and saying how there “could be kids that look like” his Honduan friend. We told Ryker we were trying our best to educate her in a very white town (we’re also white). We told him that this was the wrong way to take out his anger and that as a result, he couldn’t go to his 7th grade dance. Ryker told us to shut up and spent the rest of his night in his room with the boys. Ryker texted my parents and siblings as well as my in-laws, a few have called us and came to his defense, saying he’s just a kid who was trying to cope with anger. Now we’re unsure if we are in the wrong. AITA? &nbsp; *In the comments:* Ryker is very naturally smart and talented, he gets all A's in school. He cares about sports more than anything else in life though. I know the other kids tend to get jealous of him because everything has come natural to him, so we try to make sure to encourage their interests so they don't get discouraged. . >Why is his behavior worse than your daughter's bigotry? That is exactly the message you're sending. OP: We have realized after reading the responses to this that we are sending this message to them and that was not our intent at all. Ryker is just normally a good kid who occasionally pushes limits. Gianna has been worse historically and all we wanted to do was not push her further down the racism rabbithole by being too harsh on her. We also thought a 7th grade dance isn't as important as a junior banquet or senior prom but now I realize that was probably wrong. . >You are also treating the maturity and emotional capacity of a 13 year old to a 16 year old the same. The 16 year old is getting treated with kid gloves, while the 13 year old gets the hammer dropped. OP: Ryker can certainly be immature, but he also has more natural intelligence than Gianna, Gianna has never gotten as high of a GPA as him despite her studying and him playing sports instead of studying. Is it wrong to use intelligence in this case to determine wha . >YTA, Why is that with Gianna, every punishment (even as a repeat offender) was actually an “opportunity to learn” but the moment Ryker slips up he gets an actual punishment? Even if you didn’t intend it, this looks exactly like favoritism OP: We are trying to grasp with this now, we don't want favoritism, I guess we are just harsher on Ryker because he's so smart, but the past 12 hours have really made me reflect on a lot. . *Judgment: Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update April 6, '23](https://www.reddit.com/user/mdr739/comments/12dqwpq/aita_update/)** &nbsp; Update: Hello, I first want to thank everyone for the advice, yesterday was insane processing just how many comments I got and also talking to family including my siblings, parents and in-laws about where to go from here. I get it, my husband and I were in the wrong. We first talked to Ryker, He told us how mad he was at Gianna, he told us about how some girls in his middle school have been racist towards his friend so he wanted to protect him. He told us him and his friends made the plot together bc they felt like she could hurt someone if she didn’t face backlash. We asked him if he regretted his decision purely to see his mood, he immediately said no. We did go over anger management though. We then talked to Gianna and things went much worse than we expected, she defended herself and used much worse language than what she got in trouble at school for. She used slurs and called Ryker a crybaby. My family and my husband’s family all live close to us. We decided to have dinner with my siblings, parents and in-laws. We asked for advice, discussed everything, and had them question Gianna and Ryker some more. Again, Gianna expressed much worse sentiments than we could have ever imagined. Ryker was more put together, and went into depth about his feelings. After our families had left, my husband and I went in our bedroom to discuss what punishments would be. We first spoke to Ryker, we told him he could go to the dance and then discussed the money with him, we decided to not make him pay for financial damages to us but we asked him how he felt if he bought something with his hard earned money from gold caddying, he eventually said he understood our initial anger after that thought experiment. Off the recommendations of my brother, we also suggested looking into how he could channel his desire for social justice into sports, the most important thing in Ryker’s life besides his friends. We then talked to Gianna, we told her she would not be attending the junior banquet and told her she would have to read and write a report on 2 books from a list of books on racism, some commentators have made recommendations and we will look into them. She has also lost all of her devices except her school chromebook until further notice. We also apologized to Ryker for holding him to higher standards simply because he’s the high achiever of the family. He also mentioned the fact we don’t give him enough attention because of that. We are looking into different therapies such as family therapy or individual therapy for Gianna, possibly Ryker and even our other kids. &nbsp; *Flairing this concluded as the original problem about punishments and going to the dance has been resolved.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12o7v5k/aita_for_not_allowing_my_son_to_go_to_his_school/

12o7v5k

SO's [31f] best friend [30m] takes every possible chance to bully me infront [33m] infront of my SO. Today he pulled me aside and said I am not good enough for my SO, and the thought us us together "disgusts" him.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRA-128931 in /r/relationship_advice** mood spoilers: >!downer ending!< --- &nbsp; [**SO's [31f] best friend [30m] takes every possible chance to bully me infront [33m] infront of my SO. Today he pulled me aside and said I am not good enough for my SO, and the thought us us together "disgusts" him.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12femio/sos_31f_best_friend_30m_takes_every_possible/) - April 08 2023 Me and my SO have been dating since before COVID started we started dating a few weeks before pandemic stuff happened so over 3 years now. We have been super happy together and got a place together at the start of the year. She has a friend lets call him John, they have been BFF's since they were kids. He is very openly gay and is married to his husband. I met John once before the pandemic he and his husband joined us on our second date. It was only recently that he was actually around and tried to do stuff with us and his husband. Honestly i never liked John he has always been someone who demands everyone pays attention to him. If you have an interesting story, he will constantly try to interrupt you and try to tell his own thing that always much "cooler". If he cannot one up you he will immediately try to change the topic, or someone calls him out on his bullshit. He has always been somewhat hostile to me to the point where i never really liked it. The last few months he has pretty much just straight up started bullying me. Criticizing everything from my clothes to my appearance, to even things I like. The last week it got super fucking bad, when both me and my SO mentioned we are going on vacation to Japan for a month something we both wanted to do. John was apparently really hurt by it, apparently him and my SO talked about that for years but never did it due to COVID. I tried to be nice and suggested him and his partner come with us and he told me he wouldn't ever want to go anywhere and be seen with a "loser like me". Ok. Tonight was one of our mutual friends birthdays and John showed up after being invited by my SO. At one point in the night he pulled me aside when I went to the bathroom and spent 5 minutes throwing an insane amount of shade at me. Everything from I am disgusting, I am garbage. Then he outright told me to break up with my SO or he would do it for me because our relationship "disgusts" him. I have told my SO multiple times like hey can you tell john to cool it, I don't like this I don't want to be around him. John immediately denies everything i say he said. He also only does it when my SO is not present. Tonight i told her word for word what happened and she just said she doesn't believe me at all. She has known him for a quarter of a century and she has never seen anything like that. So i asked if she thought i was lying, and she said i was just embellishing what he was saying and she can tell he is unhappy about our relationship but that doesn't change anything for her. She loves me and that is that. Honestly I feel hurt, I feel she is taking his side always and it just makes me feel like shit. I don't really know if i can continue this relationship it just feels so stupid. **Edit** Sorry i just woke up, trying to read everything. Also to clarify something my reaction is generally to be extremely nice, and just take it on the chin. All of her other friends love me, and some of them have mentioned they really dislike John. I need to leave for work, but i am going to try talking to her one final time and if that fails try to record it. **Edit 2** Just before i run for work thank you all for taking the time out of your day to give me advice. Thank you. --- **Relevant Comments:** Missmoni2u: >>and she just said she doesn't believe me at all >That's... Not an appropriate answer. >>she can tell he is unhappy about our relationship but that doesn't change anything for her. She loves me and that is that. >Has she told him this? >>I don't really know if I can continue this relationship it just feels so stupid. >That's totally understandable. By not acting on this your partner is worsening the conflict and allowing you to not feel heard. >If she can't trust you on this, why are you in a relationship at all? Original Poster - ThrowRA-128931: >She has made it very abundantly clear that we are a couple, multiple times. However, I don't know if those exact words were said to John. >Honestly, if it wasn't for this issue our relationship would basically be perfect which is why this hurts so much. --- not_really_an_elf: >Just because he doesn't want to shag her doesn't mean he's not jealous that someone else is taking up her time. Unless there's something you're not telling us, it sounds like he's annoyed that his bestie is giving time and attention to someone who's not him. Has he ever approved of any of her relationships? Original Poster - ThrowRA-128931: >The only other previous relationship she had prior was an abusive one, and he played a big part of getting her out of that relationship. According to her. >Also yeah, I can somewhat see that, when I finally moved back recently apparently he kept going on and trying to make plans with my SO almost every single night, and that never happened as she works a fairly stressful job now. --- Dependent_Remove_326: >Record him on your phone or get a recorder that can fit in your pocket. Stand up to him. Comments on your clothes. "I didn't ask your opinion." Says you are scum. "Well, GF likes me; that's all that matters." That's my advice: stand up and record. Original Poster - ThrowRA-128931: >Thanks, I am going to try recording. I have tried to reply back and have even got a few laughs from her friends. But he just tends to get even worse and it becomes a massive annoyance. He acts like a child and it drives me mad. --- Archangel1962: >One thing I don’t understand. Why have you put up with this for so long? The second time he trash-talked you I would have told him to fuck off! And every subsequent time after that he tried to talk to you alone, I would’ve just walked away. Why did you engage? >Why don’t you talk to John’s partner. Tell him what’s been happening. Ask him if John is really gay or maybe he’s bisexual and has carried a torch for your girlfriend. If he wants to fuck around with your relationship, you can fuck around with his. >As for your gf, I don’t know. On the one hand if you break up, John “wins”. But on the other hand, is there a future in a relationship where your gf does not have your back? The petty in me would get a voice recorder, record him trash talking you, play it back to your gf saying “That’s why you should’ve believed me. We’re done.” And then walk away and leave them all to sort out their shit. >Sorry, I probably haven’t been of much help. At the least don’t engage with John anymore. Anytime the two of you are left alone just walk away. Whatever else you decide. Good luck. Original Poster - ThrowRA-128931: >Generally, I just ignore him when he does it, however when he threw all that shade at me, he was literally blocking the hallway preventing me from passing. I am a small guy; John is a big guy. >>Why don’t you talk to John’s partner? >His partner is frankly just as bad as he is, even worse in some regards, all he ever does is put down people. Any comment you say to him he treats it as a slight, apparently he was livid that my SO apparently made a suggestion for the look of their new place. My SO and him don't really get along. >Going to try to record him. &nbsp; [**Update - SO's [31f] best friend [30m] takes every possible chance to bully me infront [33m] infront of my SO. Today he pulled me aside and said I am not good enough for my SO, and the thought us us together "disgusts" him.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12h904z/update_sos_31f_best_friend_30m_takes_every/) - April 09 2023 I got a lot of good advice, so thank you all. Unfortunately it does not have a good ending. I tried to talk to my SO, I sat down with her and tried to have a serious conversation with her. I got him to stupidly rant about how much he thinks i am garbage, over whatsapp. He is apparently not racist but his reasoning is: I am no where near attractive enough apparently for her, i am "batting way above my league", and the only reason she is with me is pity. My career as Software Developer contributes "absolutely nothing to mankind". It gives me a better than everyone attitude. I am "painfully boring" and just being around him makes him want to assault me physically My voice is unbearably grating on him. I made a few comments explaining how petty that sounds, and he lost it over WhatsApp. I even got some of her own friends to comment and say they don't like to be around John. One of her friends ranted to me about John saying he tried to make her destination wedding about him and his husband. Today i sat down with her, explained how i felt and showed her the conversation, and the comments. I went with the angle of i don't want you to cut your best friend out of your life I just don't want to be around this person at all thinking it would be diplomatic. She took it very poorly and accused me of being manipulative by egging him on in the conversation (I said "what is your problem with me"). She said I am being extremely manipulative and i am doing what her Ex tried to do by controlling who she can be friends with. She told me she didn't want to be around me and needs space and has decided to go stay with some family while she sorts out her feelings. This evening she messaged me and said our relationship is over and she will collect her stuff when she calms down. She doesn't want to discuss it as her decision is final. I am in shock right now, on top of that it seems like she cut ties with a bunch of her friends who supported me. I don't understand her reaction at all and I just feel devastated. Part of me just wishes i kept my mouth shut but i just cannot take being bullied and it being ignored by someone who is supposed to love me. I feel lost and hurt i guess. So sorry, but thank you for all the nice comments. &nbsp; --- **Relevant Comments:** DefinitelySaneGary: >Honestly man, you are probably better off. The whole situation sounds toxic and you'll find someone who won't think it's normal for her friends to make you feel like shit. She clearly has mental issues. Original Poster - ThrowRA-128931: >This is what most of my friends have been telling me, it just really sucks. Everything aside from him was fantastic in my eyes. Idk. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

NascentEcho

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12p16x9/sos_31f_best_friend_30m_takes_every_possible/

12p16x9

WIBTA for not having my cancer stricken ex husband stay with me through his treatment?

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/fluffllamapajama in r/AmItheAsshole on March 10, '23 updated on April 3, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Cheating, cancer!< &nbsp; **[Original March 10, '23](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11o75p3/wibta_for_not_having_my_cancer_stricken_ex/)** &nbsp; WIBTA for not having my cancer stricken ex husband stay with me through his treatment? For most of our marriage my husband (39M) and I (37F) had a very happy relationship. We had good jobs, decent money, two kids and loved each other. Then he got diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and we went through years of painful treatments and recovery together. We moved to a small house to be close to the research center where he underwent treatment. His parents paid half of the down payment on the house, the other half was from our savings and investments. In the divorce he gave me the house and took all of his medical debt. We have been divorced a year, but now his cancer has come back and he needs treatment again at the same research hospital. He wants to stay in what is now my house while undergoing treatment and his parents expect me to house him and look after him because he was generous in letting me have the house without taking his rightful share from the equity. When we were married and he was undergoing treatment, it was new stuff that was expensive and also very physically draining on him. We were lucky that both our jobs were supportive and flexible, but with his health issues, little kids and expenses, we had to downgrade our lifestyle a lot. That plus the physical changes in his body made him very depressed. Whenever he felt a bit better, he'd go stay in his hometown. It's a small town where most of his family and a lot of his childhood friends live. I was doing all the care-taking of him, while also dealing with insurance complications. I was also managing the kids, the entire household and my full time job. We had help from friends and neighbors but it was very hard. I wasn’t happy about him spending his healthy days away from us, but it was good for his mental health so I didn’t feel like I could object. While he was staying there he had reconnected with his high school girlfriend. A couple years ago he admitted to me that he was sleeping with her and I filed for divorce. He had fully recovered from his cancer by then. There are other aspects around the cheating that left me very heartbroken and feeling betrayed. His giving me the house and taking all the debt was an apology of a sort. His parents feel that I owe him for getting the house and should let him stay there for the 2-3 months his treatment is at the facility. I do want him to be well and I don't want my kids to lose a loving father. But I can't deal with having him around me, especially not if I end up being his nurse and caretaker again. I am still very bitter about how our marriage ended. A lot of people close to me are telling me that I should support him for the sake of my kids. WIBTA if I say I can't do that? &nbsp; *In the comments:* They announced their engagement the day the divorce was finalized. That still hurts so much. . I am struggling with this so much. I don't think I hate him, a part of me still loves him as an old friend. I definitely wouldn't want my kids to suffer the devastation of losing their father. He loves them and is loved by them. When I look at it as an outside observer, I can understand what he was going through in falling in love with someone else. During the worst parts of his illness I was frequently cleaning up after him, his vomiting, his loss of bowel control. I pulled muscles and injured myself helping him move. He found that emasculating. So I can see how he'd find it appealing that someone still saw him as the old him when he was healthy and strong and I became the nurse figure. So I tell myself that and I don't hate him. But I went years without sex because he was sick. The loss of libido was an expected temporary side effect of his medication. I accepted that and made do with being celibate. I feel guilty talking about how painful it was because I should be greatful he survived and that is so trivial given the situation. But I would masturbate in hiding, didn't even get a vibrator because I didn't want him feel bad or awful for not being able to do it. And all this time I was making do thinking he wasn't able to, he was sleeping with a whole another person. And that disloyalty still makes me cry. . >Even without the cheating and whatnot, caretaking is a full time job and it’s very taxing emotionally, mentally, and physically. You’re not his wife anymore. You have no obligation to do this. OP: The last time I did it out of love, I can just not do it now. It was very difficult. The big upside to me in getting divorced was not having to deal with that anymore. As difficult as it is to take care of a sick person, dealing with the insurance bureaucracy and keeping track of all the medical contacts and treatment details is a pretty big logistical nightmare. >Maybe for the sake of his children you could allow him to stay there but he or his parents pay for a nurse or aid to care for him. >You are certainly not obligated to help him in anyway, but your children are old enough to know he's ill and if you choose not to help him, it will likely adversely impact your relationship with your kids. If not now, later, especially if something happens to him and he dies, if you dont help him, i fear they will blame you for not.helping him by at least allowing him to stay there. OP: I hadn't started thinking on those terms yet, but yes you are right, I have to measure how my kids will react to this. I haven't told them yet that he is sick again. They were very little back then and only knew that Dad was sick and got better. Now my oldest is big enough to understand cancer and what that means. My ex has been the fun Disney dad since we separated. They adore him. . >The chances of his parents being unaware that their son was sleeping with his high school girlfriend when he came home is zero OP: Oh they knew and supported him. They were always good to me so it wasn't like they wanted to break up my marriage, but they were in whatever makes him happy because he survived cancer. I think he received some sideeye for this from people who knew what we went through. And my ex inlaws did damage control by making overly gushing social media posts about how the gf always looked out for him and made him laugh when they were kids and did it again when he was going through a hard time. As if her comedy skills are what cured his cancer. I was just the background maid/nanny/assistant character that can be ignored. Sorry, I am still bitter and I keep regurgitating the same stuff. . *About the inlaws:* They are my kids grandparents, the only loving grandparents my kids have. They dote on my kids and drive hours to spend time with them and take them places. I resent them, but they are good grandparents. *Judgment: Not The Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update April 3, '23](https://www.reddit.com/user/fluffllamapajama/comments/12ann9t/update_wibta_for_not_having_my_cancer_stricken_ex/)** &nbsp; Update: WIBTA for not having my cancer stricken ex husband stay with me through his treatment? The Sunday after I made the post to AITA, my ex inlaws picked up the kids for a zoo trip. They sometimes come to pick them up to entertain them and so I thought nothing of it. A few hours later a very teary and contrite MIL dropped off two bawling kids with me. She told them their Dad is sick and will die if he doesn’t stay with us and go to the hospital. We hadn’t had a talk with the kids yet about the diagnosis and she dropped it on them that he is dying from cancer. He is not dying! It’s a painful treatment but he’ll recover. I was so furious I was raging. I called the ex and tore him a new one. He was shocked too and we together exploded at his Mom. She broke down and cried begging me to not take away her grandkids from her, as if I’d trust her after this. Ex and I together talked to the kids (him on video) and assured them that yes he is sick but he’ll be fine. He just needs to go to the hospital and they’ll make him better like the last time he was sick. The kids settled after that but my oldest has been at me crying and begging to make Dad come live with us. I promised them I’d talk to Dad and figure out what's the best thing to do. I swallowed a lot of bile to talk to him about why he was doing this. We had a pretty long and detailed discussion. The bottom line is that he’s broke, he still has a decent job but his credit is ruined, he has a lot of debt and he stupidly got the cheapest insurance that barely covers anything. Fiancee is no help either, she’s worse off financially. So he needs a place to stay, he can’t afford this otherwise. His parents are funding some of his medical payments and are already stretched. He was financially alright when we broke up so I have no idea what happened in such a short time. Anyway, ex and his gf moved into my daughter’s room. My daughter happily gave it up to her Dad and is sharing her little brother’s room. Both kids are over the moon happy to have their Dad in their home. My daughter keeps checking on him every few minutes to make sure he’s still ok. MIL traumatized my kid, I’ll never forgive that woman for this. I let the gf move in with him because I was too angry to care about who came to look after him as long as it wasn’t me. I didn’t know how I could bear having her in my home, but it appears to be more misery for her than me and that strangely makes it more tolerable for me. She is teary eyed and crying all the time. It’s only been three days but I am so annoyed I want to shake her and tell her to pull it together. The current treatment plan is for 3 months, I am counting down the days. I am thankful for the many people who gave me great advice on my last post. I wasn’t expecting things to go this way, but they played me by manipulating my kids. I’ll slowly pull myself and the kids away and move, but for now I’ve to deal with this for my kids sake. ​ ETA: I was trying to make this update more than a week ago. So to add to that, ex's treatment is coming along nicely. The tumors that grew again are much smaller than before and the new stuff that they are giving him is more directed too so he's not having as many bad symptoms as he had last time. I had promised myself I would do nothing to help and I stayed away from both ex and his fiance. But I did end up helping him deal with insurance. His fiance has the personality of a wet noodle and cries all the time, it was easier for me to do it than deal with her struggling. Ex is polite enough to me, but his personality has changed. He is a different person and not very nice towards his fiance. I didn't expect to, but I feel sorry for her. &nbsp; *In the comments:* *Commenter encourages OP to open up a can of petty and gives a list of suggestions:* >3. Ask if the gf can look after the kids for day your ex doesn't have treated. Then go out on a "date" looking a million bucks. (if you don't date, they don't need to know that, just go out with girl friends, if you do date, don't come home that night 😉) OP: I've done #3 two times already. I haven't dated yet since the divorce. I want to, but online dating scares me and my social life revolves around my kids. I am pretending to have plans just so I am dressed and out and feel good about myself. I didn't leave the kids with them though. I managed to arrange sleepover for kids with their friends on those nights. I have been amazed by how much love and support my kids and I are receiving from our neighbors and friends. I told a few close people whats going on and I suppose most people know now. I have received a lot of offers for help, people can be kind. We got invited to a camping trip on easter weekend and I am taking kids to that. Ex-MIL was making noises about having kids over and I've shut that down. . >You are a saint OP: Not a saint no, I am just trying to protect my kids and my sanity. I am keeping myself very busy and staying on task. I am working hard to avoid thinking things because that way is misery. This is very petty of me, but I have to admit that seeing they are not doing well has been somewhat mollifying for me, emotionally. >Might be worth looking into dating events that companies run, might be a smoother way into the re-introduction to dating world (when your ready) than dating sites. I haven't done online dating, but a friend of mine just married her husband who she met at a dating baking class, have a look at what's in your area! OP: I need to look into dating events, I didn't know this was a thing. I need a detailed guide on how to do these things now! . *About selling the house:* OP: I have started looking into selling and am researching places to move to. But it is so very difficult. I don't have the budget to put the house on the market while I live elsewhere, especially if it takes longer than two months to sell. I also don't feel secure opening the house for showings while my kids and I live here. The other issue is that I dont have close family I can rely on and here in this neighborhood I had built up an awesome support system between neighbors and friends. Giving that up and starting somewhere new with two little kids in tow is daunting. I am trying to evaluate which option is the bigger con. >Is an alternative sitting down with your husband and kids to explain this is a one-time offer? After these three months are up, they need to start saving and planning for any future care. OP: Talked to my ex about it before he moved here. He agreed never again. With my daughter though ... I am going to wait to have that conversation when she's not so freaked out about her Dad's mortality. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12p4ccd/wibta_for_not_having_my_cancer_stricken_ex/

12p4ccd

OOP gets ghosted by BFF of 30 years

ONGOING

I am not the OOP, OOP is [u/MundaneQuiet5873/](https://www.reddit.com/user/MundaneQuiet5873/) Originally posted to [r/aitah](https://www.reddit.com/r/aitah/) Content Warning: >!domestic abuse and controlling behavior!< Mood Spoiler: >!Things are looking up, friends forever!!< [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/129qdj4/aitah_for_ending_a_almost_30_year_friendship/) April 2, 2023 **AITAH For ending a almost 30 year friendship?** My (43M) bff (42M) have been like brothers since 8th grade. I have been there for pretty much every milestone in he and his family’s life. No matter what he was my brother from another mother and we behaved as such. Over the last 10 or so years we didn’t hang as much (both have demanding careers), so anytime we got to hang was very much cherished. The last 5 or 6 times we were supposed to hang he straight up ghosted me. No call, no text, just plain not showing up. I would often hear from him the day after with an apology, and usually blaming his GF for not being able to get out the house. And as I always I told him I understood maybe we’ll catch up next time. So my birthday came up and he offered to go treat me to wings and beer at the sports bar while watching the NCAA Tourney. I took him up on it as it’s been almost a year since we’ve seen each other even though we live in the same city. So we made plans to meet up at 5pm. 530, no show. 6pm no show, I bet you guys can see where this going. So I stayed and enjoyed my wings until the the game was done and went home. I told my wife what happened and told her I’m over the friendship. She said we are too close for me to just throw our brotherhood away, but I told her I’m only matching his energy. If our brotherhood doesn’t merit a courtesy call or text to inform me you can’t make it, especially after being the one to invite me out, then that’s no brotherhood I want to be a part of. AITAH for this? **Verdict**: Overwhelmingly NTA, with a mix of 'cut your losses' type comments and speculation about abuse and control from the GF with encouragement to try once more. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ \*From OOP in [comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/129qdj4/comment/jepot3m/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): I know he goes to work everyday, but that’s about it. I think he’s insecure about their relationship because he’s 42 and she’s 25. It’s like he feels she’s the best he could do, and if he doesn’t do as she says he’ll lose her. I don’t know what they do behind closed doors, but it does sometimes feel like she’s emotionally blackmailing him. \*Other comments indicated that OOP was ready to give up altogether, as recommended by many Redditors, but his wife kept encouraging him to contact his friend and get to the bottom of it (good job, wife!). Wife also tried to invite the girlfriend to social events with her friends, GF not interested and seemed uncomfortable with OOP and wife. &#x200B; &#x200B; [**Update Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12dvady/aitah_for_ending_a_almost_30_year_friendship/) April 6, 2023 First of all, let me thank everyone for their advice and judgement. So yesterday, I went to my bff office and waited until he left for lunch. He was surprised to see me, and we headed to DD for coffee and to talk. So I put it out there that I am contemplating being done with our friendship due entirely to him ghosting me and not reaching out. He proceeded to show me his phone log and text messages. His GF consistently calls and texts him all day when he's working. She tracks his whereabouts through his iCloud. He found an AirTag in his spare tire well. He says she's neurotic about him and everything he does. If he tries to leave the house for anything, he has to take her along or she'll throw a fit, hide his wallet, phone, keys etc. I asked him flat out why is he still with her. He tells me she has no family on this side of the country (she's from Arizona), and he can't kick her out. He said he reached out to her brother to help get her back home but he doesn't take him seriously. I told him to change his iCloud password, go home before she gets off, pack a bag and come stay with me. I feel like this woman is something out of a killer movie and she may hurt him or herself. It's not healthy and a highly dangerous situation to be in. So for now he's staying with us while trying to find a way to get her out of his life. **\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* NEW UPDATE 4/18/23!** [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12rf11m/aitah_for_ending_a_almost_30_year_friendship/) Hello Redditors - Thanks to all who reached out in the comments and private messages. Well a lot has happened this past week. So BFF came to stay with wife and I, and sure enough that first night she blew his phone up. He didn't answer and it went on til about 1am. Between the hours of 2 and 6am, she rode past my house about 15 times. I live at the end of my cul de sac, so she has to u-turn right in front of my home to get out. I set the geo fencing on my Ring cam to stretch past my driveway just to see if she would drive by. She didn't see his car (it was in the garage) so she would sit for a couple of minutes and drive by. He was able to avoid seeing her for about 3 days then she started calling everyone he knew to try and find him. He would alternate getting a ride from me or an Uber so she wouldn't see his car at work. In the meantime, we tried to find a way to get her out of his apartment. He lives in one of those luxury apartments where there is a limit on how long your visitors can stay, in his case 30 days. So we proceeded with a plan to evict her without involving the law. So Sunday while she was at church, we convinced his management company that he lost his key fob so they reprogrammed his reader and give him 2 new fobs. My wife and I helped him pack up all her belongings, put them in his storage unit on the ground level and instructed the concierge that she was no longer welcomed in his place and to allow her access to his storage to retrieve her belongings. His building has a no soliciting rule and an pre approved guest list, so he told them she was no longer allowed up to his apartment. His building is very strict in that no one can stay there without being added to the lease for more than 30 consecutive days. Since she isn't on the lease she is effectively ex communicado and there is no recourse because she isn't a lease holder. She still calls and texts, but he has yet to see her since he came to stay with us. His sister the cop found out what was going on from my wife and she lost her shit. Needless to say, we had to talk her down about putting her career in jeopardy. For now, the ex gf is gone from his place and we just have to see how long it takes her to get the hint. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Marked ongoing, in the hopes that OOP will report on the departure of the abusive girlfriend from the picture altogether at some point. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Cheeseballfondue

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12q6kzn/oop_gets_ghosted_by_bff_of_30_years/

12q6kzn

AITA for buying stuff for me instead of helping my family?

ONGOING

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/LiliyahDancer](https://www.reddit.com/user/LiliyahDancer/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warnings:** >!Abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Sad but hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12hqop2/aita_for_buying_stuff_for_me_instead_of_helping/)**: April 10, 2023** I (14F) am a dancer. I am unfortunately unable to go to classes very often because of my families financial needs. (I am very grateful that I am able to even participate in dance) When I had just turned 14, I began working at an ice cream shop to save money for equipment: a barre, leo and dance shoes like my teacher suggested, stretching equipment and a gymnastics beam and a few mats just for fun. I also did mini-jobs on the side like mowing lawns, babysitting, house chores for neighbors etc. This took so much time and effort but I was eventually *finally* able to afford all the stuff. I had told my parents in advance that I would be working to earn money for some fun equipment and they had been okay with it. I ordered everything on Amazon excitedly- i had waited *so* long to click the "place your order" button. Everything was scheduled to come in a few weeks, and it finally got here today! I brought the packages inside when my dad came in and asked what everything was. I told him i had bought dance equipment and he looked angry. he asked if i had used their money and i said no, and that i had been working for months... that was why i was out of the house a lot. he asked how much money this cost and i said about $800. he looked livid and called my mom in. he said i had made over $800 and instead of helping them out i had been selfish and bought things for myself. they then started screaming at me saying how I should've helped them pay bills or at least helped paid for my dance lessons if i was mature enough to "start working and buy stuff behind their back" when i had told them MULTIPLE TIMES over the last few months that I had gotten a job, and that I was excited to get new dance equipment.. i had even told them right after I placed the order. They told me to return everything and give them all "their money" back. I told my friends at school. 4 of them agree with my parents and say it wasn't okay for me to not help them out. 2 of them say I worked hard and that I deserve to do what I want with my money. Relatives have called me and told me to just give them "their money" and that I was being a brat, and I even heard mom telling someone I was going through a rebellious teen stage and that I was a selfish thief. I dont understand what I did wrong but I also do feel bad because I could have used my money to help us out. AITA? ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/LiliyahDancer/comments/12iiby3/update_aita_for_buying_stuff_for_me_instead_of/) **1: April 11, 2023 (Next Day)** I have no idea how to update on AITA so heres the update Recap: I am a 14 year old dancer, but my parents wealth status make them cautious about spending, so i am unable to go often (mostly 2 times a month). I worked very hard for months at various jobs to buy some equipment that my teacher recommended and my parents knew about it but when everything came they were very mad at me for spending my work money on dance equipment. **UPDATE and INFO** Hey everyone I just wanted to say I really, really *really* appreciate all the support, love, comments and messages you gave me. I know it sounds cringey to say that but they honestly really helped me a lot and it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Here are the answers to some questions you asked * A lot of people asked if I could keep the stuff at a friends house or my ballet teachers house. I dont think I'll be able to ask my ballet teacher because my parents are saying they are going to take me out but I can see if I can go to a friends house * Some people asked if I know how bad our financial status is? Our status is complicated, like we are in a good place to be able to buy good things, but my parents don't want to spend money on anything because they are afraid of going broke. They get money whenever and wherever they can, and a year ago my Dad asked a friend for a big loan because he said we were homeless when we were pretty okay * Some people asked if there was somewhere else i can live: no A few hours after I posted I went online and saw all the comments and I was really happy that it wasn't my fault because if it was I would've felt horrible. I do still feel a bit bad but its okay I guess. I showed the comments to my parents and they got angrier. They said they were going to take me out of dance as a whole, which was very disappointing but okay because I remember there is a dance option as an elective for school, I just don't think if I'm going to be able to transfer this late, and I wont be able to do it over the summer. They kept yelling at me for awhile but I won't include what they said, sorry. All of the above is okay with me, it's not *that* bad. But when I woke up this morning and saw all my stuff was gone I almost cried. I ran to my parents room and asked them where my stuff was AND THEY SAID THEY SOLD IT. They pawned it all. I worked so hard for hours a day every day of the week every week of the month and months of the year and i waited patiently and then i had to wait patiently for it all to arrive and after what felt like years and years and years it finally all came i could finally see that my hard work paid off when i could see it all right in front of me i never even got to use it ANY OF IT my parents just sold it all just like that all my money that i worked forever for gone into their pockets and not mine i broke down in front of them but ran away to my room i will update when something changes ***Relevant Comments:*** *Can you tell a teacher?* "It's spring break, so it will take awhile. But I dont think it's that bad to have to tell somebody" *Your parents are treating you horribly:* "My mum says i am treating them horribly for not paying them back after all they've done for me paying my bills letting me go to school buying me food and im just a brat i just dont know anymore" *It's their RESPONSIBILITY to care for you:* "im so confused everything im being told is the opposite of what ive learned my whole life" *You need to report your parents:* "I'm scared to report my own parents, they will be mad at me if they get in trouble and what if they don't even get in trouble? They'll hate me forever I don't know what to do" "I'm scared to report my own parents. they have done stuff for me even if they do some bad stuff and i know they will be mad at me if they get in trouble. if they dont get in trouble then im doomed so i have no idea what to do" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/LiliyahDancer/comments/12it2a3/update_2_aita_for_buying_stuff_for_me_instead_of/) **2: April 11 (6 hours from previous post)** Hi everyone so I wanted to post this update because I wont be able to post again for awhile but I am able to say this: I told my parents I was going to my friends' (Fake Name: Cameron's) house, and I went to her house. I told Cameron's mom everything and we went to the police. I'm getting help and I'm learning that a lot of things my parents do arent normal or okay and I'm so happy I made that AITA post because I never would've learned that so thank you everyone for telling me. I might be staying at Cameron's house for awhile. Thank you everyone. \-Liliyah ***Relevant Comments:*** "Thank you!! It's crazy how a bunch of people I dont know online are better then my actual parents. I do hope they wont send me back and thank you for reading my posts :) and I'll try my best to join the dance elective" ***Liliyah also replied to comments on her original post with:*** "My parents sold my stuff and kept the money but I reported them and found somewhere else to stay!!" "Thank you, its a safe place!" **Please remember the no brigading rule: do not comment on Liliyah's original posts or DM her.**

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12q9ksz/aita_for_buying_stuff_for_me_instead_of_helping/

12q9ksz

OOP's BIL gives his little sister a reality check

INCONCLUSIVE

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Laughing_Guy69 in r/AITAH\*\* *It is going to be a long read. So grab your popcorn and beer.* Trigger warning:>!Infidelity, mentions of abuse, golden child and scapegoat scene, verbal abuse and gendered slur!< mood spoiler:>!hopeful, OOP's BIL did not hold back!< \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [AITAH for laughing when my brother-in-law was berating my little sister](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/125ir48/aitah_for_laughing_when_my_brotherinlaw_was/)\- 29 March 2023 For some background: My parents have 3 kids. Maya (29f), Me (28m) and Sally (26f). The problem is Sally. When she was born she had some form of medical condition which led doctors to believe that she won't survive at all. But my parents never gave up. They spent money and time for her treatment and miracle happened. Since then they have coddled Sally to death. Sally always had to have good things. I mostly got my sister's hand me downs. Which I didn't mind but it sucks that I was the forever neglected middle child. But my sister Maya took most of it. Maya was the oldest and the scapegoat. For some weird reasons Sally was always in competition with Maya and I am sure my parents also pitted them against each other too. Maya was always supposed to behave and never complain. While Sally was a brat. If Maya had a dollhouse, Sally had a bigger dollhouse. If Maya did something good my parents would just say "good job" and go on about their life. But if Sally even won a participation trophy they would basically throw a party. Since then Maya has been walking on eggshells around my parents. She would always be grounded and we cannot even complain that Sally has been bullying us because she is a "special child" Sally was also awful towards me. She would often abuse me and even steal my stuff and my parents won't do anything. And like I mentioned Sally was always in competition with Maya. If Maya wanted to participate in music, she would too. I remember Maya saying in high school that she has a crush. What does Sally do? Make out with that crush in front of Maya. My parents didn't even save enough for college for either of us but luckily for Maya, she got on scholarship. I had to take out a loan. The last straw for Maya was when she was dating this guy in college. She brought him home when they were on vacation. She caught Sally and him having sex in the basement. It was a shit storm. My parents did berate Sally but after few days they were like "Eh what happened just happened. It will be wrong to separate these love birds." That was it for Maya. She screamed at them that she has endured their abuse for all these years but not anymore. She cut off contact. There was a lot of tension. Some of my uncle an aunt were divided. Sally was just as shameless as she was and went on to date Maya's ex. Maya eventually got over it and met a nice guy and got married. She did invite our parents but not Sally. My parents didn't go but I did. Now she is currently pregnant with her first child. My parents reached out to her and although Maya was skeptical she agreed to reconcile. So, our family has this big dinner once a year at there place where all the relatives and cousins are invited. Maya came along with her husband, Adam. Sally was also there with her husband (Maya's ex). Throughout the evening I noticed Sally tried to be closer to Adam. But he would just shove her off. When it was time for dinner. My parents made a toast. Then Sally stood up and said that she was so lucky to be here and that she almost died when she was young (barf). She then redirected to Maya and said "Sis I know it must be hard for you because your ex is now my husband but thanks for the blessing. I know it must be hard for you to be here knowing how hard it was for you to compete with me but I applaud your bravery." This was the moment Adam stood up and shouted at Sally. Saying how dare she insult his wife. who the fuck does she think she is. Then the word vomit started. I am just paraphrasing it. "You think you are so special because you were a miracle baby. Guess what I was a miracle baby too but I don't bitch about it like you do. You are such a pathetic woman that the only achievement in your life you have is something that was accidental. what else do you have to show for? Everything you have was basically borrowed from my wife, even your pathetic husband who spent the entire evening hitting on every female cousin in this room. You are so annoying even your husband doesn't like you. You know what the truth is? You have nothing and you are nothing. You are so shameless and pathetic that you tried to hit on me. You already got her ex and now you want her husband. I would rather die than be with a woman like you whose personality is worth of a paper bag. You have always been jealous of my wife because you always knew you would never be as amazing as she is. That's why you stole from her because that's the only way you could have what she has." There was more but it was so brutal that Sally was in tears. My parents and relatives were shocked. My parents told Maya "well aren't you going to do anything" Maya said no and left with her husband. Honestly, even my cousins were silent. I knew no one liked Sally. I on the other hand was laughing behind my wine glass. My mom noticed and said I am an asshole for laughing at my sister's misery. It has been over a week when this happened. The video of Adam's rant was circulating on our cousin GC. I still laugh at it. I have been LC with them ever since. But they are getting a lot of shit for Sally. so am I the asshole? Edit: Guys please stop asking me for the video. I want to protect the privacy of my family. I even used fake names for that reason. I can't give you the audio as well because in my book it is a breach of privacy. Edit 2: I have made a dialogue that went down on the video. It was a short video. I hope you enjoy it. [The drama](https://www.reddit.com/user/Laughing_Guy69/comments/125rcn4/the_details_of_the_video/) *Some comments from OOP:* *"* Well the update I can give you right now is that my uncle my aunt and every other family member who was present has berated my mom and dad too for letting it go this far. my mom and dad has blown up Maya's phone that her husband made them look bad. Maya just texted them "Well that's cuz you guys are bad. So bad that right now no one is supporting you. Good luck hiding behind Sally" But I will visit her soon. So let's see. *"* *"* It was a short video. My cousin only caught it because my parents told her to record the dinner (lol irony). She never stopped rolling. She just forwarded the snipit of Adam's speech. But I cannot post it for privacy reasons. *"* &#x200B; [OOP posted details of the video on public request.](https://www.reddit.com/user/Laughing_Guy69/comments/125rcn4/the_details_of_the_video/) \- 29 March 2023 For privacy reasons I cannot post the video. Not even the audio. Please understand it. But I am writing the dialogue that went through. Also even though we live in states but at home we speak in our native language. So a lot of the translation would be robotic Characters: Sally, Maya, Adam, Mom, Dad, Douche (Sally's husband). *\*\*Sits down after insulting my sister by saying she is competing with her\*\** Adam: Huh? What does that supposed to mean? Sally: What do you mean? Adam: You literally just insulted my wife in front of me. I want to know what the hell do you mean that she is competing with you? Sally: Oh Adam, you have no idea? Maya has always been pining for Douche. I know it is sad that he fell in love with me but I am happy she let it go. Adam: Yeah. I am glad that she is with me rather than your perverted husband who has been hitting on every girl cousin here. Sally: How dare you speak about my husband. Adam: How dare me? How dare you speak to my wife like that Sally? Who the fuck do you think you are? Queen of England? I won't even make you queen of garbage island. Dada: Hey watch it! Adam: No, I would not. I would not sit here and watch as your useless daughter talking sh!t about my wife. \*\**Sally was crying at this point\*\** Adam: How dare you insult my wife you cunt? You think you are so fucking special because you were a miracle baby? Well guess what I was a rainbow baby too but I am not as annoying as you are. You are not the only miracle baby in this world you dumba$$. There are millions other. Sure they don't bitch about it. What else did you do to think you deserve the world? What do you have to show for? My wife was a valedictorian who earns 6 figures. She has respect in the society. What do you have except for you attitude? You are a college dropout who has no life skills and has been mooching off her parents. You entire life is borrowed from your sister. Sally: Stop it! Adam: I will not. You want to hear the truth? The truth is that you are a piece of sh!t. Nobody will miss you if you died. Nobody likes you. Not a single person in your family except for you mom and dad who failed to raise you. Mom: Stop it. Or else I will throw you out. Adam: I don't give a rat's ass. \*looks as Sally\* And you know what? Everyone saw how disgusting you are trying to seduce the husband of your own sister. Sally (practically sobbing): I was just trying to be nice. Adam: oh like how you were trying to be nice when maya brought douche home? Is this how you say hello in your family? Fucking outsiders. How about I fuck your dad and husband to express my gratitude. Do not take me for a fool I know what you were trying to do. Dad: That's it you are going way out of line. Adam: No I am making a line between your slutty daughter and ours. How much shameless are you. Your own daughter is trying to sabotage the marriage of your own oldest daughter and you are silent? Where was this energy of yours when Maya was crying in her room? Or when her own boyfriend was cheating on her with her sister. Is this the morals you taught your daughter? Do you even have empathy for your other kids? OP and maya had to suffer a lot because your own daughter is the fucking miss truchbull. Where was your attitude then? Would you have held maya accountable if she slept with one of Sally's boyfriend? Answer me. Dad: I don't need to answer a stranger. Adam: I am not a stranger I am your daughter's husband. I have every right to speak about it. I have every right to call out on your daughter's bs. Listen, Sally you think people actually like you. Well we don't none of us in this room full of 50 people likes you the slightest. You really think that you are pretty that guys will just fall for you. well you are an ugly cunt. Your personality is worth of a paper bag. The only reason why your husband is even married to you because you faked a pregnancy and then faked a miscarriage. Even the guy who is a cheater and a pervert doesn't want to be with you. And you did all of that for who this guy? (points at douche)? He is nothing but your sister's sloppy second. You don't even deserve her sloppy thirds. What achievements do you have except for being a miracle child? You are a pathetic woman in her 20s who is still mooching off her parents. Just looking at you so irritatingly sobbing like a poor victim makes my skin crawl. You are not special. You are just an entitled brat that everyone hates. That was it. The room was silent and then mom spoke Mom: Maya, your husband is insulting us. Maya: Adam grab your coat we are leaving. I have had enough of it. Mom: you are not going to do anything? Maya: actually no. i will not. They left and then our cousins just sat and ate dinner. I was basically laughing quietly behind my wine glass. Mom said, "Why are you smiling? you think this is a joke." Me: Well no. Mom: God you are so ungrateful. some guy just insulted your sister and you are sitting here laughing? Me: Mom please we still have guests. The rest of the evening was basically Sally crying and making a scene. My cousins were sharing the video and making fun of Sally. Yes, the GC has everyone including Maya and her husband. Except for Sally and her husband. &#x200B; [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/user/Laughing_Guy69/comments/126szv5/little_update/) \- 30 March 2023 I don't know if people will see this but I do have a little update. I went to see my sister, Maya and her husband today. I talked to her and asked her if she was ok. I haven't got a chance to reach out to her after the dinner. She said she was fine and that mom and dad has been demanding they apologize to Sally (barf). She blocked then. Because why should they apologize for the truth. They also got the support from the GC. A lot of our cousin's parents were unaware of the incident of Sally and all the bullying. They thought since she was a miracle baby she would be an angel (barf 2.0). I apologized to my BIL, Adam for what happened. He said sorry back because he lost his shit. He also had really toxic parents. He basically projected his own anger on Sally. I told him it was fine and even our cousins enjoyed it. They are making fun of sally and he is practically their hero right now. And as for my parents. Well they are still in denial. I don't care anymore. They have gone too far. I mean even a stranger sees through their bullshit yet they refuse to see the truth. They are getting a lot of heat from everyone. Especially grandma (mom's mom), because our grandpa left her for another woman so she takes it a big offense. Apparently my parents lied to her about Sally's husband. They said Maya and him used to date but they broke up. I will give a full update. Right now the cousins and uncles and aunts are divided among themselves. I am really disappointed in our parents. I hope Sally takes care of them when they are really old because they obviously lost 2 of their kids. &#x200B; [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12hrt9i/update_aitah_for_laughing_when_my_brotherinlaw/)\- 11 April 2023 Sorry for the late update guys. But I do have one for you. Well, after I talked to Adam, he called me few days later to ask me if I could speak to him. So I met him at his house, he made some excuses to Maya and took me some place private. He pulled out his phone and told me that Sally has been texting him non-stop. He ignores her. He has already blocked 3 of her accounts. The texts ranges from sorry, please talk to me, bashing Maya, calling him unworthy, some dirty text and also some provocative photos with captions "I can fuck better than Maya you know." Adam was sick of it. I was furious. Does Sally has no shame? I said enough is enough. My parents need to see what kind of person Maya is. So, I arranged a meeting with my parents. We didn't tell Maya because she is already pregnant. We do not want to stress her further. We sat with our parents and before I could speak Adam cursed right at the sight of my sister and started calling her a harlot. I asked him to calm down. Our parents were furious. I told them they should control their miracle child because she is acting crazy. She has been sending inappropriate messages to Adam. My parents obviously didn't believe it. I showed them the proof they acted like they are disgusted. Sally kept saying it is a fake account. Someone is trying to defame her. Douche, Sally's husband forcefully took her phone and discovered the messaged. He was screaming and shouting at her. She was curled in a ball. Douched looked at our parents and said that "You raised a pathetic wh0re". I personally grilled my parents. I told them they are a failure. They always prioritized their golden child over the other kids. Where was there concern when their other daughter was betrayed. Would they have done the same if Sally's bf was cheating on her with Maya? They have enabled Sally so much that she has become an entitled brat. They should know almost everyone in the family hates her and is sick of her. Adam told them they should be ashamed of the brat they raised. They are a bad parent who failed to teach morality to their child that's why she is after her sister. And he said, "look at her? can you honestly say that you are proud of your daughter? Are you proud that she is a homewrecker? are you proud that nobody loves her?". They need to get off their high horses. My parents didn't say a word. Lastly, I told them to fuck off. Me and Maya will be cutting them off. Don't even bother calling us. Their whole life they have invested in their bratty child so they should just ask for her help when they are old. I am done with them. That is when my mom started crying saying it is really unfair. The whole family is shunning them. I looked at them and asked, "And whose fault is that?" My dad looked pretty much defeated. I bet there were other members of the family that grilled them too and threatened to cut them off for Sally. So, yeah, that's it. Nothing big. I don't think they will learn their lesson. But who cares. And like you guys suggested, I took Adam to a steak house and treated him with a fine piece of steak. I also ordered one of those custom trophies like you guys said that has "World's sassiest brother-in-law" written in it. Adam threatened Sally with police so no messaged from her till now. I have decided that I will get a place closer to Maya because she does need help from someone in the family. So, that's all folks. Edit: A lot of you guys think this is fake and asked me to release the video to prove it. Please stop asking me. As much as I hate Sally, she doesn't deserve to be paraded like that. Also, some of you asked why did my dad just stood there and not to anything. Well, they were all shocked because Adam had been quiet and suddenly he started shouting. He is a calm guy but when he gets pissed, lord have mercy. Even my dad was terrified. And also, some of you said it is fake because Adam used a pop culture reference? Well, that's because he is a bit of geek. He uses pop culture reference sometimes even talking normally. Stop PMing me for the video. &#x200B; *\*\*Inconclusive because I am unsure whether or not there will be more updates.\*\** **Reminder- I am not OP.**

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12qbn3i/oops_bil_gives_his_little_sister_a_reality_check/

12qbn3i

GF wants her little sister to move in with us, I don't want that

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** [u/Throwranev3](https://www.reddit.com/u/Throwranev3/)   [**Original Oct 26, 2022**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ydd52v) \- 6 months ago I 28M and my GF 26F of 3 years have been planning on moving in with each other in a little under 2 months, she told her landlord she won't be renewing and they already found a new tenant to sign a lease to. We've been looking at apartments and have a few we are heavily considering. Well recently her little sister 17 has been having issues with her stepdad (to my knowledge no abuse, just don't get along and fight a lot), and has asked to stay with us for the rest of the last year of high school. My girlfriend has always been a little motherly towards her sister because of the significant age gap and wants to let her stay with us. I however don't want us moving in together to also include her sister. I really don't want to live with a 17 year old in general but especially not as I'd acclimate to living with a partner for the first time. There's also the money issue. We've been looking at 2 beds since we both WFH pretty often and were going to have one room be the office/guest room. I make more than twice as much as my gf so I was willing to pay a bigger share of rent to be fair and I'd probably use the room as an office a little over half the time to make it fair to me. But if she'd stay with us, I wouldn't have an office, or we'd need a 3 bed which would be even more expensive. I could technically afford to spend more but don't want to, she can not spend more than what she's already committing to. Her parents are pretty poor so getting support from them feels unlikely. This is causing a lot of conflict because now I'm wanting to either just renew my lease and wait another year, or tell her sister sorry, my gf says I'm not being supportive and abandoning her family. It's causing a huge conflict and Idk what to do **TLDR:** Girlfriend wants her little sister to move in with us. It feels uncomfortable and unfair to me *In the comments:* I just don't want to live with a teenager. Money is a big part of it for me but not the whole thing She's not my kid, and she's not homeless. Everything she's said about the stepdad it just seems like normal teenage drama with parents. I just don't see how that should be my (or her) responsibility. \[...\] I asked if he was abusive and she just said "no but he's just an a\*\*hole", and I feel like she can just learn to get along with him. I've met both of them and the sister can be very dramatic. The stepdad, I'll admit I don't know super well, but he seems just like a normal hard working guy The thing is I don't think she "needs" to stay with us. I think she can just learn to be civil with her stepdad. I'm hesitant to bring up the timeline thing because I don't want her staying with us at all, even if it was guaranteed she'd move out after high school I have my own place now that I like but it's too small for two people with us, especially with WFH. Moving in was just the natural next step after 3 years, I wouldn't still be dating her if I didn't see marriage potential, but I wouldn't get married without living together. This has been our first real "fight" in two years, we normally have a good relationship but I'm afraid this may become a dealbreaker. I'd be fine extending my lease, but she's in a tough position. She was living in a studio, she can't afford a 2 bed. I am totally open to extending my lease one year. Her getting a 2 bedroom with her sister and doing another year not cohabitating. That doesn't appear financially feasible for her though she was just living in a studio, she definitely can't afford a 2 bedroom. . >So she is expecting you to provide financially for her sister, that's not fair and not what to want, especially when her sister could stay where she is. She isn't homeless. Lay your cards on the table and renew your lease. Good luck. She hasn't proposed that, I think she knows that would not go over well. I don't think she sees it as me supporting her in a shared apartment like it would be if I just straight gave her money for a place I don't live in, but it's the same thing.   [**Update Oct 28, 2022**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/yfpfxn) \- 2 days later I (28M) got a lot of DMs asking for an update so here goes. I made this post Tuesday and that night I met with my (now ex) girlfriend (26F) and laid out why I was not comfortable with living with her sister. She tried to change my mind, first in a debate style then, I told her it wasn't something I was going to change my mind about, it is a hard dealbreaker, and if she can't accept it I will not be moving in with her. She then started getting more confrontational which is when I told her I don't think our relationship can proceed. Immediately she got regretful and told me not to be so drastic, I told her I needed some space and went home. Wednesday I asked for more space again and then last night we met up and I officially broke up with her. I don't want to talk badly about her, but I realized we just weren't as aligned as I thought we were and the way she disregarded my opinion and comfort felt extremely disrespectful. She called me a bunch of times after I left last night and I blocked her number this morning. I'm going to keep it blocked so I can get some peace for a while, maybe in a few days I'll unblock and see if she can have a civil discussion for closure, if she wants that. But my mind is made up. Breakups suck and I know it'll take some time to get over her, but I'm looking forward to the next stage of my life. **TLDR:** Decided that this was a hard dealbreaker for me. We weren't able to change each others mind so I decided to end the relationship. *In the comments:* She made it clear that my comfort where I live didn't matter and tried to steamroll me into a unilateral decision that I would be financially responsible for. The ask originally was a lot but ok for her to ask. The insistence and disregard for my feelings was a dealbreaker. She's not a bad person but she wasn't respectful of me. I've thought about it a lot and discussed it with people close to me. It sucks but it's the right move. Fortunately I'm still young and there's no kids involved. I have a lot going for me, a good job, and a great network of friends. I'm confident when I'm ready to get back out there, I'll do just fine. . >Anytime you have regrets - just remember that if you'd agreed to live with the sister, you would have NEVER been able to walk around in your underwear IN YOUR OWN HOME. I know it sounds dumb but this was one (of many) reasons I didn't want to live with her. Money was a huge part, but also I wanted to be comfortable in my own home. Also, us moving in together was a huge step. To add a dramatic teenager would have made things much worse. I was ok paying about 2/3s of the expenses when it was just us two, but to pay that much (or significantly more if we got a 3 bed which we likely would have need to) to not be comfortable in my home just wasn't going to happen. I told her we can put living together off a year and she can get a place with her sister if she really wants to get her out of her house. That was not good enough for her and she then just wouldn't relent and called me selfish, that's when I knew I was done with the relationship. She tried to take things back but it became clear how she felt. I'm honestly looking forward to being single again. Not to sound arrogant but I'm a good looking guy and have a great job, I look forward to playing the field until meeting someone else with better respect for boundaries. . >Glad you hot a clear picture of what married life would be like early on This is what my best friend was telling me. He told me "try and talk it out and tell her how you feel. If she won't respect that, think about what you think being with her the rest of your life will be like". When he told me that I was hoping she'd respect my wishes when I laid them out very carefully and detailed, but she didn't, and his advice was in the back of my head. It sucks but I know I made the right decision.   **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

decsc3

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12qbqud/gf_wants_her_little_sister_to_move_in_with_us_i/

12qbqud

My professor is offering extra credit to anyone who buys her MLM products. What can I do about this?

CONCLUDED

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowawayStudee **My professor is offering extra credit to anyone who buys her MLM products. What can I do about this?** **Originally posted to** r/Legaladvice [Original Post - rareddit recovered](https://www.rareddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/d026a0/my_professor_is_offering_extra_credit_to_anyone/) **Sept 5, 2019** I'm an undergraduate student at a school in Massachusetts and I'm taking a Creative Writing class. My professor is a really weird "new age" kind of professor, and at the beginning of every class, she puts out an essential oil diffuser saying that "studies show that essential oils improve brain function" which I think is just a giant lie. Plus the smells gave me a headache. She then let us know that if we really liked the essential oils, that we could buy them from her which I thought was weird but whatever. But then it got real, when we had our first essay due, and a lot of people (including me) got some really crap grades on them. I got a C-. But then the professor talked about how any student who purchases a $50 order of essential oils through her and doTERRA would get 20 bonus points added to that grade. Everyone was looked pretty pissed at that grade. Is this legal?! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** bunnymelly >Report her to the board. Lol. She basically making you purchase your grades. OOP replied >That's what we were all thinking. It felt like total bullshit. phneri >Go to the department head and dean of students about this. Specifically mention that the MLM pitch showed up after a poor grade. >They will end her. >This calls into question the objectives and standards of the course as a whole, and if pursued thoroughly enough could raise eyebrows with accreditation bodies. OOP replied >God I hope this ends her. But what about my class? Will they force me to drop the class then? [Update - rareddit recovered](https://www.rareddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/d9m4nz/update_my_professor_is_offering_extra_credit_to/) **Sept 26, 2019** I didn't expect so my last post to blow up this much, and to also get flooded with hundreds of DMs to know what happened afterwards. I also didn't expect a bunch of random media organizations asking me for an interview over DMs. Apparently MLMs make for good news stories. (If you're a news or media organization, I don't want to share my story with you so you can stop asking) So it turns out that I really didn't have to do anything, because some of the other students beat me to it. I sent the department head an email, but they told me that they were already dealing with it. When I went to the next class session, the professor wasn't there, but instead it was the department head and one of the deans for students. (This dean is a badass awesome dean by the way, all the students love this dean) They wanted to talk to us about ethical misconduct allegations in the class, and we spilled all the beans about the weird things she has been doing with the doTERRA stuff. After we complained for like 20 minutes straight, the dean said "I count about 5 reasons to fire this professor and each one is enough of a reason alone to fire her." They thanked us and dismissed us from class and told us to keep an eye on our emails to know what will happen next. (We got to go early!) As I was packing my things to leave, I overheard the dean talking to the head of the department. "So she offered to increase grades if her students purchased an unrelated product that put money back into her pocket, is breaking a couple of laws, including the exposure to chemicals that might cause serious problems with disability compliance, currently has the class average at an average of a D+ in the course (This I didn't know), broke the school's ethics rules, and is also using the college's printing studio meant for printing out readings for students to print out doTERRA pamphlets. (This I also didn't know)" The Dean looked a little exasperated and in disbelief at this point, and wasn't really trying to keep this down I think. Anyways, class was canceled for a week and then we got one of the senior professors to cover for the class. All the previous grades we got with the crazy professor was removed, and we've been doing just easy assignments and class is super easy now (I don't think they want to antagonize us any further). For the most part, it seems like they're just just giving us As for completion of the assignments, so this is looking like to be the easiest A I am ever going to get. I heard through the grapevine that the professor got fired, and also lost a teaching fellowship grant or something. One of my friends in the class told me that the doTERRA professor was fired in the department head's office, and stormed out of the office, but before she stormed out, she dumped hundreds of her doTERRA pamphlets from her bag onto the office's floor, along with a few testing samples of the oils, one of which shattered and spread peppermint oils all over the office. My friend apparently helped them clean up the mess since they came for office hours. I can confirm the office still smells like peppermint. Thank you everyone for the advice, even though it turned out I didn't need to do it. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12rd0e7/my_professor_is_offering_extra_credit_to_anyone/

12rd0e7

AITA for asking my girlfriend to continue doing my laundry if she wants me to buy groceries?

ONGOING

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/aitaundie](https://www.reddit.com/user/aitaundie/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Trigger Warning:** >!poor hygiene; poop talk; possible depression!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Surprisingly happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10z96pk/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_continue_doing/)**: February 10, 2023** My gf (28F) and I (32M) have been living together for 4 years now. She works from home since covid most of the time but sometimes does go into the office, I go to my office every day. My girlfriend has always done our laundry together and never had a problem with it for all these years. Since she works from home, she takes care of a lot of the house work but I do help out, where I can when I get back from work although she often refuses my offers with reasons like I should wash my hands better, I do wash my hands though. Lately she has started separating my undergarments and vests from the laundry pile and not washing them when she had no trouble doing that in the past. She that my undergarments with contaminate her clothes and wants me to do them myself in a separate load. Yet she still washes hers in the same load. I suggested we do all our undergarments in a different load and she said no because hers are cleaner and that would be worse. She got pretty mad and made some nasty comments about my hygiene saying I should keep myself cleaner in my privates, not soil myself (I do not) and learn how to wash my hands. I do shower and I do wash my hands but maybe it is natural that men smell more idk. I am getting pretty annoyed at being treated like I am disgusting when I am not,, I lived with my mom before her who did my laundry and never said my boxers were dirty. I said if she keeps doing this, I will stop buying the groceries she keeps telling me to bring on my commute from work and she can do that herself. Edit: Ok point taken I will take her advice about hygiene and shave / wax down there and see a doctor in case I have some condition. And apologize to her ***Relevant Comments:*** *Info: are there streaks in your underwear:* "I am hairy there and sometimes yeah but I explained to her that it is not something guys can do anything about and that I do wipe. She brings it up in a mean way all the time, but that is why I put them in the laundry so they get cleaned." *PLEASE invest in a bidet:* "We do have one, but I do not like it and she uses it. It splashes everywhere and makes it damp, when I tried using it it was even more unclean." "We have a bidet when I try to use it, it makes a mess and is worse as there is brown liquid everywhere even after trying as I cannot completely dry it off." *You don't wipe enough if there are streaks:* "It is not like it is covered in poop blobs, and most of the time there is nothing, maybe a light mark once every 3 days." *Do you wash down there?* "Yeah I even put body wash in there before taking the shower head to it." "I shower daily except sometimes miss a day on weekends. Always shower before work." *Do you actually wash your butthole?* "She does as part of her foreplay, i do not feel like putting fingers there. But ok point taken I will shave there maybe get a professional wax and start cleaning more." *Girlfriend:* "She has never gotten a UTI or infection. She makes me shower in ways she wants before we do." "She forces me to shower everytime we are intimate, under her supervision in her way." *One more from OOP:* "I talked to my best friend about this and he said it was normal and he does too. Underwear will not be spotless after use otherwise what is the point of cleaning it. I am sure hers is not clean either." "Maybe they had different anatomies than I do, my brother was the same growing up and his wife does not seem to complain. I will try and see if I can do anything though if you say it is not that normal." ***OOP is voted YTA. Profusely.*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12jtdm9/update_my_girlfriend_no_longer_complains_about_my/)**: April 12, 2023 (2 months later)** I would like to thank everyone for giving me a much needed reality check. I spent some time doing some research and you guys and my gf were right and I was definitely lazy, depressed and neglecting my hygiene and my relationship. It brings me to tears when I think about what it must have been like for my gf. I sat down with my gf and talked to her about it and said that I felt like I needed therapy. We got a brilliant therapist and had some sessions alone and some together and worked through our issues. I hadn't realized it but in addition to my hygiene, she was also overworked with doing house chores and finding it hard to balance work and house work. My gf agreed to help me clean up and trim my body hair one last time and after that we bought some new shaving equipment and I have since started making sure I don't go back to my old ways. I also started going to the gym to do a little cardio and weights, nothing too extreme,. I also got myself a lot of new clothes as a treat, and changed my style a bit, including shaving off my beard which my gf always wanted me to do. I feel like a new person and am a lot happier and energetic. Although sometimes it is a bit weird around my friends and coworkers and I feel like it is awkward being the new me and like I lost my identity but I've gotten used to it now. My gf is so much happier and has a spark to her eyes and I feel like our relationship has been rekindled. Tomorrow is our last therapy session. I have also started cooking more and trying new recipes on weekends and she loves it. I have signed up for some cooking classes as I discovered I really like cooking. I still feel really awful for what I did to her and I can't believe how long she put up with it. She said she was very close to ending it. I feel like I truly don't deserve her. ***One more relevant comment:*** *You should continue therapy:* "I will if I feel the need for it. Depressed is probably the wrong word to describe it and it was more lethargy than depression."

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12rg263/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_continue_doing/

12rg263

Local businessowner attacks women with power drill. How is this not a crime?

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/FTThrowAway123 **in** r/legaladvice trigger warnings: >!physical/sexual assault!< [Here's some cute pics of Quokkas - known as the happiest animal in the world!](https://imgur.com/a/Od4caaY) (to hide the nsfw cover image)   &#x200B; [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9stxzx/a_local_business_owner_attacked_a_woman_with/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) \- 31st October 2018 **A local business Owner attacked a woman with drill near her groin. How is this not a crime? How can she make him pay her expenses for this injury?** A family member of mine was inside a bar with friends over the weekend. The bar owner "jokingly" took a power drill, thrust it towards her groin, and drilled into her upper thigh. It broke skin, burned her flesh, and the hospital told her it did nerve damage. The wound has gotten worse and required a second and third emergency room visit, and seems to be developing an abscess. She has been referred to the burn unit and has already missed 2 days of work for this. She tried to file a police report the next day, but for some inexplicable reason, the officer didn't seem to think this was a crime when she told him she wanted to press charges. He told her "because alcohol was involved" (the owner was sober), there "wasn't much they could do"?? The officer declined to see her wound or even a photo of it. He went and spoke to the business owner who apparently admitted it and told him he would pay her medical bills and that she is banned from the bar. (She obviously had no intention of ever returning.) Another bartender and customer who witnessed the incident also gave statements to police confirming that he did continue to advance towards her with the drill while she screamed and tried to get away. [Photos of the wound on day 1, 2, and 3 are here](http://imgur.com/a/nSjNOw4) I want to know 2 things: 1.) Is there anything that can be done about pressing charges against this man? He has been charged in the past for harassing women, if that matters. 2.) How can she get him to pay her medical bills and time off work? He told the officer he would, but she has little faith that he will. Does she need an attorney? Edited to add this occured in Wisconsin.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/i2ih67/update_local_businessowner_attacks_women_with/) \- 3rd August 2020 Basically, almost 2 years ago, my family member was attacked with a power drill by a bar owner. He was trying to flirt with her (she was not interested) and then "jokingly" thrust a running power drill into her genital area. She pushed his hand away, and so he drilled through her jeans into her inner thigh instead. Instead of immediately stopping, he continued drilling and the drill bit penetrated her jeans, penetrated her skin, and also burned her badly enough to require treatment from the burn clinic, and caused nerve damage. She got an infection from the wound as well. (Pics are on the old post) The nurses at the hopsital had encouraged her to report the incident to police, and she did the next day, especially because there were numerous witnesses present for this entire incident who were horrified and wanted to make a statement. The police officer who responded seemed indifferent and even hostile towards her reporting this right off the bat, and he refused to see the wound or even a picture of it. He wasn't willing to speak to any witnesses. He did go and speak with the bar owner, who admitted to doing all of this, and claimed it was "an accident", and that he would pay her medical bills. (Spoiler alert: He did not.) The officer deemed this answer satisfactory, and went back to tell my cousin that "because alcohol was involved" (owner was sober, she had 1 drink, no one was intoxicated?), that nothing could be done and that she was banned from the bar for life. That was the end of that, or so we thought.... Now for the update: Out of the blue in early 2020, my cousin gets a phone call from an FBI agent. I don't know how this works, but apparently our local PD has an FBI agent who comes in a couple days a week and works on or reviews stuff? Anyways, the bar owner was being investigated for separate, unrelated sex crimes, and the FBI agent came across the report my cousin had made against him. She asked my cousin what had happened, and she told her. The agent was shocked and appalled, she said because NONE OF THAT was in the officers police report. Nothing whatsoever about this guy taking a power drill to her groin. She told the FBI lady that she had very thorough documentation, pictures, and medical records from this incident, as well as a dozen witnesses, and the agent had her send it all to her and set up a meeting the following week to discuss. When they sat down the following week, she told her that what had happened to her was most definitely a crime, possibly even a sex crime. The witnesses confirmed her account, and were willing to testify in court. The officer who had blown her off was reprimanded and disciplined for his inaction, and tried to defend himself by claiming, "I didn't know her wound was that bad", to which the FBI agent asked him, "Why did you refuse to look at her wound or pictures of it?" Anyways, the FBI lady took this case to the district attorney, who agreed to file charges. The bar owner has since been arrested and charged with the following: 2nd Degree Reckless Injury - Felony. 4th Degree Sexual Assault - Misdemeanor. Disorderly Conduct- Misdemeanor. 4th Degree Sexual Assault - Misdemeanor. 4th Degree Sexual Assault - Misdemeanor. 4th Degree Sexual Assault - Misdemeanor. 4th Degree Sexual Assault - Misdemeanor. Stalking - Felony. His tavern license was revoked, his bar was shut down, and has since been sold. The case is delayed due to COVID, but they did arrest and charge him finally. This guy also sexually assaulted other women, both before and after this incident (he has prior disorderly conduct convictions and many restraining orders from women against him). These other charges include "allegedly" cornering a female bartender and demanding she give him oral sex--at which point she just ran screaming out of the place. He also violently cornered and groped another female bartender, and then stalked her mercilessly, smashed out her windows, slashed her tires, etc., until he was finally caught on video stalking her. It never sat well with me that the police blew this off, especially knowing his prior history, and hearing stories about him abusing other women. Obviously, this guy was escalating, probably because he never faced consequences for his actions before. I'm glad to say he will finally face justice for his crimes, thanks to the actions of this FBI agent.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Mist0fCapricorn

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12rrtfz/local_businessowner_attacks_women_with_power/

12rrtfz

AITAH for telling my cousin nobody cares if she has a husband and kids+ Update

ONGOING

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Odd_Kale_6348 in [r/AITAH](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/)\*\* Trigger warning:>!mentions of infidelity, sexism and misogynist comments!< mood spoiler:>!hopeful, A little weird, good for oop though!< &#x200B; \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- &#x200B; [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12gmlmm/aitah_for_telling_my_cousin_nobody_cares_if_she/)\- 09 April 2023 My cousin Amanda (29F) and I (33F) are very different. She is like the typical "trad-wife". Ever since she was little her life goal was to be a housewife and have a husband and kids. She is really feminine and dresses up really modestly like one of those 1950s housewives. I am different. I have a job at a law firm. I wear both feminine and masculine clothes. I am career driven but also want a family someday. I always keep my hair short like a bob. And tbh even though she and I are different, I respect her wishes of being a house wife. That is her choice. So, Amanda is the typical housewife who also has a tiktok where she always talks about how being a homemaker and having a husband who provides for you is a blessing. That she is not some sad ugly feminist who is enslaved in the job field. She often says that working for your husband is so much better than working for a boss or a company. Also as women we should go back to our biological roots and be a housewife and take care of the kids. She is also anti-abortion. All of this is something I ignore until it is a way to insult me. She hates that I work a corporate job and have a different life. She oftentimes tries to persuade me to quit and find a husband. She often brags about how much stress-less her life and how happy she is as a homemaker. And also that I am already pushing 40 and I need to start taking things seriously instead of being a carousal rider. First of all, what I do in my private life is none of her business. Secondly, she knows I am not someone who has sex with every living being. What hurts the most is when she says that if I was a bit more feminine like her and not masculine 2 of my ex-boyfriends wouldn't have cheated on me in the past. Tbh I am very tall like 5'10 and I am not fat but have a little large body type. This has been going on for a long time. I brush it off every time I hear it. She always tries to scare like "Oh you know guys don't like women who are in their 30s" "You should dress up like a girl" "Your clock is ticking". I literally blocked her social media. She also gossips a lot about me and other female members who have a career that we are just sad spinsters who got sucked into the lies of feminism. So, last week was my grand father's birthday and it is special because he beat cancer. All of our family was there. Including Amanda, her husband Jerry and her two kids (7M, 4M). We were all chatting and having fun until mu uncle asks about Eric (34M), my boyfriend. Before I could answer Amanda makes a joke "Well did he skip town already?". I asked what does she mean and she says, "Well your last two boyfriends left you. I was betting how long will it take." I just sat there trying to grasp what she just said. She again went on a rant how she made the right choice by getting married at 21 so she doesn't have to deal with dating non sense and how lucky she is and it is all because she is not some street wh0re. I snapped at her and said literally nobody gives a fuck about her or her perfect family. Millions of people get married every year so she is not some special snowflake. She has no identity besides being a housewife which she only got because of a ring. She didn't achieve anything big. All she does is scrolls through tiktok and social media and gossips with her equally shallow friends. And she needs to get over herself because she is not unique because she got tied down and leave us alone. The people in there was shocked. They all continued the party but after I left I got a message from Amanda that I am an AH for yelling at her in front of her husband and that being a so-called strong independent woman has made me bitter and that I will die alone with cats. My aunt (her mom) also asked me to say sorry and that just because I am jealous of her daughter doesn't mean I had to scream like that. I am just proving her daughter's point right. So, am the asshole? &#x200B; *Some comments:* " She used be a little passive aggressive about these comments but ever since the Roe V wade debacle she has been more direct. I mean I am pro-choice. I think every women should have the rights to their body. Even if that means choosing not to have kids. She wants 6 kids. I do not think this is something wrong. Her husband can provide. Last week I just lost it. " " What's worse is when I got cheated, both of those times she was supportive of me. She told me it was not my fault and that I deserve better. That moment I thought, she might be annoying but at least she has a good heart. I guess not. " " She thinks that a good woman is able to keep her man. And he would not cheat on her if she is a good wife. If he does then she must not be caring for him." " Her husband is rich. He has his own business which pretty much is why she can afford her extravagant lifestyle. " &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12jozfg/update_aitah_for_telling_my_cousin_nobody_cares/) \- 12 April 2023 Hello guys, I didn't realize that I would get so much attention. Some of the comments were hilarious. Well, I have a good news and a bad news. The good news is that I found out that I am pregnant. YAY! That kinda explains why I lashed out rather than just ignoring Amanda's comments. My boyfriend proposed to me the moment he learned about the pregnancy. He further said he had been planning on proposing to me 6 months ago which would have happened on my birthday next month but the pregnancy just seals the deal. He promised me that he would give me a better proposal. And about Amanda, we are not speaking yet but there was a thing with her husband. You see her husband and I are amicable but not close. It is just simple "hi" and "hello". So, I was shocked when I got an email from him. The email said that he was sorry for his wife's behavior at the dinner table. He kept saying I do not deserve the treatment his wife gave. He pushed her a lot to apologize to me. And now here is the kicker. He mentioned he kept news article of me from 2 years ago. You see 2 years ago, me and my friends volunteered to feed 100 homeless and poor people on Christmas. It was my idea but my friends helped a lot. We organized the whole thing and paid for the stuff. I was the leader of this. The local newspaper picked on the story and they did an interview. My picture was there with a small segment on the news paper. Later on the same newspaper did another interview when I volunteered at my local homeless shelter. I basically coach them to find a job and prepare them for interviews. Kinda like a life coach. Jerry, Amanda's husband kept both of those papers with him. He said that he has always admired my drive and passion to help people. He is really swooned by it. He wishes his wife was like me. It really creeped me out. Tell me you do not find that creepy. Yesterday, my aunt (Amanda's mother) came to my home and accused me of seducing Jerry. She further said Amanda was crying because her husband fought with her after what she said to me. Her husband was adamant that she say sorry to me. And during their fight he slipped it out that Amanda will never be as good as I am because she is a boring housewife while I am someone who is actually doing something that makes a difference. My mom asked me if Jerry ever tried to flirt with me. I don't know what to say. I didn't mention the email because this will complicate the situation even more. My mom asked me to show my aunt the messages between Jerry and I so that she stops accusing me. I did. The last conversation I had with Jerry was in Sept 09, 2022 during Amanda's birthday. He wanted to check if I was coming to the party or not. That's it. Like I said, I never had any serious conversation with him other than some "hi" and "hello". I am so confused now. I still haven't told my mom or anyone about my proposal or pregnancy. Edit: I think I should make it clear why I find Jerry's mail a little creepy. If it was just an apology on behalf of his wife. I would have get it. But it says he kept a news article from 2 years ago of me. Even I didn’t keep that because it was a small segment where they wrote it. Also the fact that he had never approached me about it. I have been doing charity work for 8 years now. He knows it but never approached me about it. He literally said he was swooned by me. Which is why I find a little creepy. But then again you guys might be right. He was just being polite and I am reading too much into it because I feel like it is my fault they are having problem. But I will just stay out of it. &#x200B; *Some more comments:* *"* You could be right. The wording of his mail along with my aunt saying Jerry and Amanda had a fight over me just made a genuine mail look creepy. Also he was the last person I expected to keep my news article because he never cared about what I do. *"* &#x200B; *\*Ongoing because this is not done yet. \** **I am not OP.**

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12rxrev/aitah_for_telling_my_cousin_nobody_cares_if_she/

12rxrev

AITA for telling a friend she’d settle for a penis and a pulse, after she shamed my standards?

ONGOING

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Froggie\_Five](https://www.reddit.com/user/Froggie_Five/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. This was a confusing post to put together due to all of OOP's edits and comments, but I tried to make it as streamlined as possible. **Trigger Warning:** >!catfishing; physical assault; attempted sexual assault!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!insane and scary!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12ewnqg/aita_for_telling_a_friend_shed_settle_for_a_penis/)**: April 7, 2023** I (F20) have a close friend (F22). She asked why I was still single (I haven’t been dating since I was 18, after leaving a relationship of five years.) Upon me telling her I wasn’t interested in dating right now, she said ‘so basically, you can’t find anyone’. I brushed past it, not wanting any arguments. She later asked what I’d look for in a guy. As I told her, and my basic standards would be; • respect goes both ways • us vs the problem, not me vs you • likes dogs (I have three, so, obvious reasons) • general good hygiene • decent level of fitness (not necessarily aesthetic; I’m heavily into the gym, and fitness, so I want someone to match this, ideally) • driven, and hardworking (ie. Has a goal/drive of what they want to do with their life). I told her exactly as written above; and she’s burst out laughing. I was a little confused, and asked what was up. She told me that, ‘(I’m) never going to find a guy, because (I’m) asking far too much. If (I) were to lower my standards, I’d find a lovely guy. The only standard should be compatibility. If I did, I wouldn’t be alone for the rest of my life; because that’s where (I’m) heading.’ I told her that without standards, we’d accept any sort of treatment, and I didn’t think they were unreasonable. Later that evening, my brother messaged me; with a screenshot from Tinder with my photos, and ‘my’ profile; asking whether it was me, as I assume due to similar ages, and location, we’d matched. I don’t like the idea of dating apps at all, and my family know this. It was a whole lot of back and forth; turns out the friend made a dating profile ‘’on my behalf\~\~’’\~\~ to find a good guy for me’’. I was absolutely fuming, and made it clear to her. She told me ‘she was helping me out’ and knew what was good for me as a friend. Besides, if I post photos on instagram, why’s it different to tinder? I told her that ‘just because all she looks for is a penis and a pulse, it doesn’t mean that I do. She’s blocked me on all platforms, and won’t take the profile down. **Update in comments same day:** Turns out, Tinder isn’t the only profile she’s made. My brother and I are searching now so they can be reported. But, we’ve found numerous dating profiles, instagram, twitter and Facebook. All with the exact same description and photos. I’m slightly panicking now, because I think it’s gone way too far. How’s the best way to go about it? Like, this woman knows everything about me; family, home address, work place etc. *What are you going to do?* "I’m staying over at my brothers’ tonight; bless him, he’s got me and the three dogs in his one-man apartment. The accounts we’ve found have been reported; and she’s not aware of where my brother lives etc, so I shouldn’t be in any immediate danger; just a little scared about it all. If it hasn’t blown over by the morning, I think I’m going to call, and see what they advise." **Update (Same Post): April 8, 2023 (next day)** FURTHER UPDATES + SECOND AITA QUESTION Thank you so much for everyone’s lovely responses, I’m so overwhelmed at the response - you guys are my lifeline at the moment :) We later found several more accounts (current count at 22), all containing the same photos and desc. The latest (we know of) dating 5 weeks ago. The night I posted this, I stayed over at my brother’s, and neighbours informed me 2 separate cars pulled up in the middle of the night. So, she’s been sharing my address since. Someone on here advised to get security cameras, to monitor whilst I’m not home (obviously), and in the space of 6 hours, 14 men showed up at my home. It’s absolutely f\*cking mental, especially as I’ve got no idea what she’s telling these men, it has the possibility of getting very, very dangerous, quickly. On the police/lawyer front, she’s definitely against the law. But, until we have direct evidence that she’s sending the men to my address (ie. Message from her to one of the men), she can’t be charged with harassment. Lawyer seems sure we’ll win the case, though; on the basis of harassment, identity theft and defamation (possible), with up to 8 months jail time. Would I be the asshole if I pressed full charges against her? I think there’s still that element of ‘what if she was trying to help?’, though to be honest, I doubt it. **Update April 8 (**[In Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12ewnqg/aita_for_telling_a_friend_shed_settle_for_a_penis/jfh3aod/?context=3)**)** Wow. Thank you so much for the amount of thoughtful, kind and informative responses from everyone - you guys have quite literally been my lifeline through this. I apologise for a late update; it’s been an unbelievably hectic day. To start, cameras were installed in the late morning, before we spoke to the police, or lawyer. I’ve just got to my brothers’, and have been checking through the footage. 14 separate cars. She’s sent 14 effin men to my address, for god-knows-what. I watched up until about 4pm; and to be honest, I’d seen all I needed to see, and gave up watching. Police and lawyer both had similar advice. So, the general consensus was that it’s definitely against the law (obviously, with the sharing of address). However, the lawyer mentioned that they’d be a high chance of winning the case; as she doesn’t really have a leg to stand on, with evidence provided. It would go under harassment, identify theft and (perhaps) defamation. However, he said it’s likely she’d be arrest in terms of harassment for up to 6 months. Though, one thing he did mention was that the biggest evidence we could get towards harassment is screenshots of the messages of someone who actually turns up at the address; in order to prove the harassment and her, are related. So. We’ve got a little group of us together; myself, my brother, two friends of his, and a friend of mine; and we’re staying at my house for a few hours tonight, to speak to anyone who shows up. We’re hoping that they’ll give us a hand, and give us some info on exactly what’s been happening, from their side, along with any messages that have been shared. That’s the plan, anyway. A lovely hotel near where I live, (the manager) messaged my brother after seeing the post about what’s been going on, allowing myself and the dogs to stay for the next week or so, tomorrow night, as they’re fully booked tonight. So, thankfully, we’ve got somewhere to go for a little while. You guys’ have really helped keep my mind off what’s been going on, and I’m so, so thankful for your concern, and support. Thank you a million times over 🤍 **Update 4 (Same Post): April 9, 2023 (2 days from OG post)** Potential TW for blood. So, last night was nothing short of unsuccessful (for anyone who didn’t see it, a group of us were waiting at the house with a note on the door, trying to gather evidence from the messages etc). It’s ended with a massively swollen jaw, and cracked one of my back teeth in half. All good this morning; just pretty sore. Just to prevent this post getting too long and AITA rules, if you follow my account, I’ll be posting further updates over there, if you’re interested! You guys’ have really helped keep my mind off what’s been going on, and I’m so, so thankful for your concern, and support. Thank you a million times over 🤍 For everyone concerned, the doggies and myself are all good, just a little frightened about it all; but we’ve just got to keep our fingers crossed, eh? Will keep the thread updated :) **More Information on what happened that night (**[Comments](https://www.reddit.com/user/Froggie_Five/comments/12gdlej/psycho_friend_thread_following_the_aita_post/jfo0ltg/?context=3) **April 9)** Details on the attack TW for blood I’m okay, now! I was up the hospital for a little while last night, as I was worried it was something to do with my jaw; but thankfully, they don’t think so, and my teeth have taken most of the damage, so just a little knocked up! So, the sign on the door said, ‘’If you’re here to see (my name), you’ve been catfished by a woman using her photos, and name, to harass her. I’m currently collecting evidence against her, and I’d really appreciate if you have any messages from her you could show us. If you’re not comfortable, please give (my brothers number) a call.’’ Anyway, a car pulled up, and left about 5 minutes later - no luck there. But, after an hour or so (half 10, maybe?), a guy knocked at the door; I just assumed he was coming to help. I kind of thanked him, and began to explain what was going on, but he grabbed the side of the shoulder, and pushed me towards the corner of the porch (it’s fairly small). He’s still pinning me into the corner at this point; so I’m pushing off, and screaming for the others in the house with me. He punched smack bang over the right side of my face, I’m so thankful it wasn’t my nose. But, blood was streaming out of my mouth (from the tooth), so I ran over to the kitchen, whilst my brother and his mates were trying to sort it. The friend that was with me called the police. I don’t really remember what happened afterwards; I think it was a bit of shock. But, everyone else was unscathed; so I don’t think he was there too long. Safe to say we won’t be doing that again :/ **First Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Froggie_Five/comments/12gdlej/psycho_friend_thread_following_the_aita_post/)**: April 9, 2023** I’ll detail the up-to-date post into the comments, and will post updates here. The responses from the AITA was absolutely overwhelming, thank you so, so much. However, due to how to situation escalated, I think it went beyond AITA territory; and so, any further updates can be found on here! Thank you so, so much - you guys’ have quickly become my lifeline 🤍 Alright; I’ll start at the most significant; though it’s a little tied. The psycho ‘friend’ (can we call her Olivia, for the purpose of making updates easier). Anyway, Olivia’s sister (been in contact with my brother, and later, her family informing them of the situation) rang me up this evening, and said she got my number from my brother. There was a bit of awkward small talk, ‘sorry this is happening’ etc. But, she mentioned a friend of Olivia’s had visited (Olivia) after seeing the posts from the sister (if that makes sense, I’m sorry, it’s been a lot today). She said that (the friend) was really concerned about Olivia; and seemed ‘emotionally unstable’, bursting out into tears etc. She said she’d completely dyed her hair (She’s normally blonde - dyed) to dark brown, had an effing tattoo done of a tulip (emotional significance to me) and was saying she desperately needed money for liposuction (fat removal) and breast reduction; and was pleading with the friend that visited, saying it was urgent. Let’s just have a think, and see who that sounds an awful lot like? Dark hair - check, tattoo of a tulip on my calf - check, small boobs - check, skinny - check. This woman is trying to fucking copy my entire life. So, the sister of Olivia asked the friend where she was staying (obviously concerned for the welfare of her sister), and the friend won’t say anything about it. The sister lives out of town, and can’t get hold of her, at all. And, the sister won’t tell me who the friend was that visited her. Helpful, right? On the positive note! The police are holding the guy in custody atm. They were able to pick up the reg from one of the neighbours security cams, and I’d assume, traced it to an address or something? Anyway. They rang earlier, confirming details of my description; and it matches both the security footage, and my desc. They haven’t told me anymore than the guy is being held at the moment. On another positive(ish) note, my brother finally gets a bit of space back. The hotel invited myself, and the dogs, to stay for the next week; tonight being our first night. I’ve made it very clear to the hotel that no info can be disclosed that I’m staying there etc, and they’ve agreed. She’s read the (fake profile) messages on the dating site, and hasn’t responded. Thank you for all your concern, guys; beyond appreciative 🤍 ***Relevant Comments:*** "Fingers crossed! The attorney has advised that it’ll be okay to keep a log on social media; as long as it remains anon for the ‘friend’, myself and anyone else involved. Police took down the friend’s number that I have her under, but apparently weren’t able to find any message exchange relating, and believe she’s using a separate number. Just waiting to hear back from a few of the sites, now; and hopefully we can find the number. Thank you so much for your concern, I really do appreciate it 🤍" *Can you guys make fake profiles to try to catch her in the act?* "The issue we were having with doing that was that in majority of the sites where she’s responsive (where it says she’s active etc) are companies that require a photo to sign up. Now, if it’s any of my friends, or brother, she’s likely to catch on. However, if we were to use a random photo of someone else, I think we’d end up being legally implicated for identity fraud; especially since a lawyer is involved. After speaking to some of my friends outside of the country, most said that she’d sent them a friend request two or three months ago. It just seems so weird, and obsessive, that it’s something she’s been planning for a while. Because really, why is she requesting family/friends of mine, who live hundreds of miles away; and I’ve never even mentioned them to her. Thank you for your input! 🤍" *People ask her what she does for work:* "I mean, I’ve got a ordinary day-to-day job. I work in a local coffee shop. I’ve done a few modelling gigs over past two years; mainly fitness based clothing etc; and they were pretty successful; but it wasn’t worth the heavy dieting for it. I haven’t modelled in the past 6 months at all, though. The last (small) job I did was last October." *Someone says she is lying because she posted elsewhere she has done sex work:* "I have done sex work in the past, which is why I left it out of the thread; as you’ve mentioned. I didn’t want it to be a case of ‘what did you expect if you’re doing that’, as it wasn’t relevant to this situation - the friend isn’t aware of it, as I use a different name etc. If you don’t believe it, don’t - it doesn’t affect me. But, I’m not sure why anyone would make up some elaborate story for the sake of what? Thanks :)" **OOP asks for** [help](https://www.reddit.com/r/medical/comments/12gcos9/jaw_heavily_swollen_loss_of_a_tooth/) **with her jaw: April 9, 2023** Hey there! Following on from a recent AITA post, so I won’t go into details here; I’ve got a heavily swollen jaw, and either the completely loss of a back tooth, or almost completely cracked. I was up in the hospital last night, and they advised seeing a dentist about the tooth, but gave me numbing injections in my gum, and my jaw. However, my jaw is on a complete tilt, if that makes sense? I want to say swelling is maybe the size of half a tennis ball off my jaw/low cheek. Is there anything I can do to help it? I can barely talk without heavy pain :( Thanks! **Update in** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/user/Froggie_Five/comments/12gdlej/psycho_friend_thread_following_the_aita_post/jfom7yj/?context=3)**: April 10, 2023 (3 days from OG post)** We made a dating profile with one of my brother’s mates; who doesn’t really know me, so chances are, she won’t have found him. So, *technically* it’s not exactly fake. I did ask her sister whether she had any history with that sort of thing; but she said it was so out of the blue, and never shown any signs - wonder whether she’s trying to cover her own ass though. We’ve been sent over the chat log from one of the dating sites; and it’s absolutely horrendous. However, she forwards them onto a separate number; multiple different ones, too, to arrange to meet. The worst part, though, things I’ve told her that have happened in my life, like for instance, my aunt being diagnosed with cancer, she’s echoing the same things that have happened in my life off to these men. This thing has been going for far longer than my brother and I assumed; I spoke to my mum last night (she lives in Australia, so we don’t see her very often). I was telling her about what was going on, and she said she spoke to her four, maybe five months ago. (The friend) told my mum that she was arranging a photo wall? For my 20th; and asked whether she had any childhood photos, and any pictures she had of me to use. She also asked for my mum’s address to mail any photos from the day to her. This (obviously) absolute bullshit, but I wonder whether she wanted the address to confirm I wouldn’t go live with my mum? I don’t know. My mum never mentioned anything, as it was meant to be a ‘surprise’, apparently; and she’d forgotten all about it afterwards. Off to speak to the lawyer about it this afternoon, keep fingers crossed for us! X **Update in** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/user/Froggie_Five/comments/12gdlej/psycho_friend_thread_following_the_aita_post/jg832dk/?context=3)**: April 14, 2023 (1 week after initial post)** Apologies it took so long, update here x Update 3 (is it?) Firstly, apologies for not updating! I wanted to make sure the info was correct; so they’d be no speculation with what was going on. The friend has been arrested since last update. As suspected by many, she was encouraging CNC. **(Editor's note- I believe this is Consensual Non-Consent, a kink)** From the message with the guy that attacked me, she told him that she’s cheating on her boyfriend; and he found that she want on dating sites. So, she had to lie and say that it was a catfish, which might explain why the sign was ignored. Lawyer thinks she’ll be taken in for psychological examinations. I’m not sure what’s happening with the guy that attacked me, but I’m tentative to push for charges against him if he really did believe her lie about the catfish. But really, how stupid can you be? Still men turning up at the house; so I plan to move to the coast in the next couple of weeks. The sister ended up lying to the police; telling them that she’d never spoken to me. So, I think she received a warning for false info to police? I think that’s all! Oh! And thank you to everyone asking about my jaw - swelling is down, just bruised :) Lots of love and hugs to all :) **Again, I did my best to put this in the most streamlined order possible, but please let me know if I missed anything or anything needs changing. Also remember the no brigading rule- do not comment on OOP's posts.**

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12slsej/aita_for_telling_a_friend_shed_settle_for_a_penis/

12slsej

I broke up with my boyfriend because of his views on cheating (New Update)

NEW UPDATE

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRAboyfriend123 in r/TrueOffMyChest\*\* *This was originally posted by* u/I-Passed6789\*. There is a new update to this post after 2 months. The new updates are marked with\* 🔴 🔴 🔴 Trigger warning:>!child endangerment!< mood spoiler:>!depressing, infuriating!< \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1111hv5/i_broke_up_with_my_boyfriend_because_of_his_views/) \- 13 February 2023 This is a throwaway. I don't know what to feel. Me (25f) and my boyfriend (28m) have been together for 3 years now. We are have been living together for 2 years. I know his family. He has one brother, Sam (33m) who is married to Lisa (32f). They have one daughter who is 4 years old. He is very close to his brother which resulted in me being closer to his wife and kids too. Sam sometimes comes to our place and plays video games with my bf. Oneday, when they were playing video Sam put his phone on charger in our guest room. I was there cleaning the windows when suddenly his phone buzzed. I went to look and there was a girl named "Office" texting him "I had a great time last night. Your tongue is magic." with some emojis. I was a little shocked. Sam always shows how much he adores his wife. Even Lisa says he is the best husband. How could he cheat? This was the first incident. Then oneday when he was at our house again, he was talking loudly while I was right by the kitchen while he was talking on the phone in our guest room with doors open. He was saying "I love you" to a girl names "Beth". This confirmed my suspicion even more. I told my boyfriend I think his brother is cheating on his wife. I asked him if he knows anything about it. His expression went blank. He told me he knew about it. I was perplexed. I asked what does he mean. He began to tell me Sam has been seeing other girls on the side. He doubled it down saying it is not a big deal because Lisa is happy, he is happy and plus he doesn't like to mix in other people's business. I asked him if he thinks that his brother cheating on Lisa was right. How could he defend his brother over something so vile. He told me it is their personal life. Plus he doesn't want to ruin his brother's marriage. I told him firmly his brother's marriage was already ruined the moment he decided to stick his dick inside someone else that isn't his wife and he clearly wrong for supporting him. How would he feel if I was cheating on him and my sister knew and never told him? He told of course he would feel bad. But this isn't about him. I just told him to leave me alone. Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I do not like people who are cheaters or support cheating. I can't even look at him the same way I used to. So, few weeks ago, I called him and told him this isn't working. I cannot be with someone who supports cheating and doesn't mind someone else cheating. He cried and told me to not do it. That he will do better and this isn't fair to him. I cannot punish him for what his brother is doing. I told him calmly that this is not a punishment but my decision. I already told him that cheating is a deal breaker for me. I will not tolerate it in any shape or form. I went to stay with my brother. Two days later I went to our place to get some stuff of mine. He asked me if he could talk. I said sure. He told me he was wrong for not saying anything against his own brother. Lisa is a good woman and that he would ask his brother to stop. I told him that doesn't make me feel better. The fact that he thinks it is okay to cheat clearly shows he has no problem with cheating on me. He told me he is not cheating on me and that he will be better. I asked him if he could tell Lisa about his husband's affair. He went silent and told me he can't go against his own brother. Well then I guess he made his choices. I left his place leaving him crying on his couch. I feel bad. I love him but the trust I had for him is gone. I do not know how to tell everything to Lisa. I am not sure what to do. I feel lost. Edit: To those idiots who says that my bf is not wrong I hope you find yourself in a similar situation as Lisa. I would like to know how would you feel when you learn that your husband betrayed you and people close to you knew about it and let you get cheated on day after day. He has covered for his brother on many occasions. He has lied to to Lisa telling her that Sam is with him when he was not. Even if he didn't him simply acting it is not a big deal that a woman who is so loyal to her husband is getting cheated on is wrong and malicious in my eyes. Him concealing his cheating is also putting her at risk of STDs and also what if Sam got one of those girls pregnant? Ever thought about that? It's not like they were in open or poly relationship. Edit 2: I cannot comment on my own post. What is up with that? It gets removed. But to anyone who is asking, I will tell Lisa. She currently out of town. I can send her a message but I have no evidence that Sam is cheating. Plus she told me she would not be near her phone. &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/115yy6d/i_broke_up_with_my_boyfriend_because_of_his_views/)\- 19 February 2023 Hello, guys. Thanks for all the kind words. I wanted to make an update the day after I posted it to reassure you guys I did tell Lisa. But something came up and I was delayed. So, I did tell her the very day I made this post even though I had no evidence. I got some encouragement from you guys too. For all I knew she could scream at me. But hey if that happens, at least I wouldn’t have to live with this giant guilt that I misled a friend of mine. I talked to Lisa telling her everything on the phone. She just told me she can’t speak right now and thanked me for informing. Which was weird. I didn’t hear from her for the next 3 days. I only heard from her when my ex called my brother to yell at me. He called me a homewrecker because I snitched to Lisa and today she took her daughter and served Sam divorce papers. I was even more confused. It’s not possible to file a divorce paper within 3 days. I called Lisa. She didn’t pick up but texted me to come to Sam’s house. I went with my brother because I didn’t know how safe it is for me. When I entered I saw my ex, Sam and their parents along with Lisa. Sam looked really shit. My ex jumped on me by saying I did this to his brother. Lisa told my ex to calm down. She carries on to explain that she already knew Sam was cheating for a while. One of the girls he hooked up with contacted her and showed her the messages between him and her, that girl worked in his office. The girl felt guilty knowing that she hooked up with a married man and so she told Lisa before quitting her job. I am guessing she felt really guilty and couldn’t work there or something. Lisa further told us she has been planning on leaving Sam since then. She needed time to get her things sorted and gather evidence that will help her in court. She was mostly a homemaker but worked part time so there were financial issues too. She went on to expose Sam even more of his deeds in front of his own parents and told Sam she wants full custody because Sam bringing one of his “wh0res” around her daughter is not safe. From what she described Sam is pretty screwed in the divorce. She also didn’t spare my ex. She basically told him she has never treated him like an outsider. That if someone was cheating on him she would definitely tell him. Even if that someone was her own family member. She finds it really sad that she had to know from a stranger what his brother was up to rather than someone closer to her and someone she loved like a brother. My ex was silent. A lot more things came to light because there was a lot of yelling and pointing fingers. Sam has been cheating on Lisa for 3 years. My ex knew it for the last two years and has been covering for Sam. Sam’s parents were disappointed at him as well. And apparently my ex also lied to his parents about why we broke up. He told his parents I fell in love with someone else and that’s why I left him. Why he did that? Because his stupid brother thought it was a great cover up. Because even if I told Lisa then no one would believe in me because I was the one who "cheated" and projecting it on his brother. Lisa called me here to clean my name and also thank me for informing her even if she knew it all along. Their parents apologized to both of us and told us they are ashamed of their sons. I just felt bad for them. After that I went home. Lisa asked me if she could stay with me. I said sure. She was stoic when she was talking to Sam and his parents but as soon as she entered my house she broke down in tears. She told me that she should have listened to her friends who told her Sam was not a decent person. She left her job and her law study so that she could be with him. I felt really bad for her. I know this will be really tough on her and her daughter. I wish there was more I could do. But I am really impressed that she handled this situation with such poise. I hope she decides to continue her law studies like she wanted to. She sacrificed a lot for that b@stard. Also to all those people who think that my ex was right not to snitch on his brother. You guys don’t see how he is putting her at risk? Sam was having sex with literally everything that has a hole. You guys think it would be better to keep her in the dark? I know she knew about it but what if she didn’t? What if Sam’s careless wh0ring put her in danger of STD? Some STDs are life threatening like HIV. Him not coming clean of his brother’s deeds was seriously putting her in danger of it. And I wasn’t punishing him. I simply cannot live with someone who would support cheating. To me that is exactly like cheating. Moreover, he lied and covered for him. Who is to say he wouldn’t mind cheating on me because he clearly thinks cheating is not a big deal. Even if he wasn’t covering for them, the mere fact that he thinks it is ok for someone to get cheated on is a huge NO for me. I am really shocked to see how many people are willing to take the cheater's side instead of the one who getting cheated on. &#x200B; 🔴 🔴 🔴 [New Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAboyfriend123/comments/12jl5fm/update_on_the_situation/) \- 12 April 2023 Wow, it has been almost two months. Crazy. I thought I should give you guys an update. First of all, I am still in contact with Lisa. I mean she seems like a cool person so I continued my contact with her. Regardless of what relationship I had with my ex, I did find a good friend in Lisa. My ex did reached out to me. I met him on a public space. He said sorry for lying about our breakup. He was angry at me because I broke up with him because of what his brother was doing. He also said that he never wanted his brother's family to implode like that. That's why he hid it from everyone. I reminded him that he didn't just hid it, he actively supported it and helped him cover up. Does he not feel a little bit guilty for lying to her sister-in-law? Lisa thought of him as her brother and he betrayed that trust. I told him it was never about his brother. It was about him being a coward and putting Lisa in danger of losing everything. He should have at least told his brother to stop or confront him but he did not. His moral views and mine are completely different. And I cannot build a future with someone who thinks cheating is ok as long as the other person who is being cheated on doesn't know about it. He could easily cheat on me. He said he understands and doesn't blame me. He even got a lot of shit from his parents for covering up for his brother. We ended things in good terms. Until the incident that happened a month ago. Lisa and Sam have agreed on shared custody until the divorce is finalized. On weekends, their daughter, Ally stays with him. So, like a month ago, Ally was there. Sam asked my ex to come over because he wants someone to baby sit Ally while he and his girlfriend is spending time with each other. Remind you they were still in the house but in Sam's room. Sam prepared lunch for Ally. He gave her a sandwich that contained soy bacon. She is allergic to soy. My ex was busy playing on the play station and Sam was busy with his floozy in another room when she was eating it. I swear to god that man doesn't care about anyone other than his penis. Ally had a bad reaction to the soy and was taken to the hospital. There Lisa chewed them out for good. She is now adamant about getting the primary custody of Ally. And don't worry the poor girl is fine. As for Lisa, she has gotten a good full time job. She is thinking about doing her law studies once this whole thing settles. She has an FWB kind of situation. It is nothing serious as far as I know. She wants to stay focused on her and her daughter. &#x200B; *Some comments from OOP she made on the old BORU post:* " Lisa only stayed the night. She went to live with her cousin. She needed a friend and I was a better person for her to vent everything out because we both dated or married in the same family (her words). And my brother didn’t mind as long as she doesn’t overstay her welcome. She is currently living with her cousin. " &#x200B; **Reminder- I am not OP.**

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12t1fg6/i_broke_up_with_my_boyfriend_because_of_his_views/

12t1fg6

I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College and I am worried [NEW UPDATE]

NEW UPDATE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/YoungDad_sucks in r/Parenting, update found in a /r/BestofRedditorUpdates comment** trigger warnings: >!forced marriage!< mood spoilers: >!:)!< --- &nbsp; [**I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College and I am worried**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/q18swu/i_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf_wants_to/) - October 4th 2021 &nbsp; Before anyone says anything - yes I knew about condoms. I was just dumb. &nbsp; Story time. My parents divorced when I was 10 but lived primarily with my mom. Tiffany's (16) parents are together. When our parents found out she was pregnant her parents kicked her out and my mom kicked me out. So now we live with my Dad. During the pregnancy my Dad took my mom to court and got primary sole custody - I know what this means because I had to go to court for my daughter. He sued Tiffany's parents for legal guardianship and they now pay child support for her and they are pissed and refuse to talk to us. &nbsp; I am in my bedroom and my daughter is in her bedroom and my ex is in the "guest room" that is now hers. My dad made a deal with us. We live with him until 18 with no rent payment at 18 we need to decide what it is we do. I wasnt really that good in school and Tiffany is an A student. So I took my GED and my dad got me into Welding school. I finish in 2 months. I also work full time so I do welding school at night. Tiffany goes to school and works on the weekends at Wendy's. &nbsp; This whole thing is a huge ordeal. We literally have no life. My dad helps but not that much because he feels its our responsibility which I agree but still sucks. I work 6 am - 3 pm at a warehouse and go to school from 6 pm to 10 pm. Tiffany is home by 230 and picks up our daughter from daycare. WE help each other a lot and then I head off to school and she stays with her at home until I get home and do it all over again day after day. &nbsp; When our daughter was born my dad made us go to court, we have 50/50 and I dont pay child support because she lives with us. Because I work full time I can get healthcare for my daughter and myself and that sucks it costs me 300 dollars a month and daycare is 400 a week. Literally Tiffany works just so we can pay for daycare and I pay for everything else. When we are short for cash my dad will help because he sees we are trying. &nbsp; My dad has been our rock. When we are tired and exhausted he will step in and give us a break here and there, but he makes sure we have everything we need and keeps us motivated. Tiffany wants to apply to college soon and I am worried because I dont want to keep living with her and I dont think I can keep our daughter full time as a welder working 12 hour shifts. But she says she will start at community college and work but wants to stay with us living together since its easier. Since I will be working and it will be best for us to stay with my dad. But my dad said at 18 we have to pay rent. She doesnt mind but I dont want to keep living with her because we arent together. I am unsure how to tell her this. My dad thinks she should stay with us as long as she is a full time student to finish her degree because i am already getting my career. I just feel that all this is unfair because the burden is on me. &nbsp; I guess I am ranting because I am scared and unsure of what all this means. &nbsp; **Edit:** I guess my thing about her living with us is that we are more like siblings now. We get along and joke and stuff but since she is my ex I feel weirded out by it. Maybe I need to take a breather since everyone is saying its a good thing. Also I needed to hear it from other people and not just my dad and he is pretty solid and i should thank him maybe take him for dinner or something. &nbsp; **2nd Edit:** My dad isnt kicking us out at 18, but he wants us to be realistic to the world and pay bills. The money he gets from Tiffany's parents he just gives it to her, she is saving up money for a car and uses other money for her specific foods and clothes. Before i became a dad my dad always wanted me to live with him at 18 and figure it out and stay with him and save money to buy a house. When he found out I was going to be a dad he wasnt mad but disappointed and said everything has to change. He also is paying for my welding school of 20k and he bought me my car but I do have to pay my own insurance. He does help as long as he sees we are trying and not being lazy. When school recently started he took my daughter to daycare every morning and helped Tiffany with a routine to get school work done. &nbsp; **Final edit:** I have to get to class now. Tiffany wants to be a nurse or PA but the college told her nursing school is hard to get into and its best to have a high school diploma which is why she is still in high school and working the weekends. But someone mentioned a dual thing for community college and we will look into that. So we couldnt get daycare assistance because we are minors and they used my dad's salary. The funny thing is I cant open a checking account for myself because i am a minor but the bank allowed me to open a childrens account for my daughter because I am her parent lol the irony. I read every single comment and its given me a different POV and I guess college seems so far and I was counting years but its really not that bad she is like a sister now and those who asked I doubt we will get back together honestly I am not thinking about anything like that right now I am too tired to think of a relationship or that type of future. &nbsp; [**UPDATE:I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/qfj89j/updatei_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf/) - October 25th 2021 &nbsp; Idk why I feel like I need to update but here it goes, Tiff and my dad went to the school and were able to get her enrolled in college courses because of her grades. She wont graduate H.S way too fast but she will have enough to finish h.s hours by next December so 6 months early. She reapplied for assistance we got a voucher for daycare so now its 50 dollars a week. She quit her job so she can focus on school but she doesnt start college until spring so thats cool it gives her some time. She still wants to be a nurse so thats cool too. &nbsp; I got a new job that pays more as a forklift operator and will give me an internship for welding which I wont be able to start until november/december until i finish my classes and then i have to do a 2 month internship but they are paying me really good. I started Monday. &nbsp; My dad and I had a long talk about my fears and he reassured me that its ok to be scared but we have a game plan. He is fixing up the basement to make 2 bedrooms and a living room like a little apartment because he said Tiff and I will need space as we grow. He wants me to buy the house when i am 18 like he did with his parents and he will help me pay it as long as Tiff gets to stay until she finishes college and let her make her own choice. We all agreed this is the best option and we are all really much happier now. I guess I just needed to let it out. &nbsp; Tiff and I are great while being parents is hard but its been good now that we feel a bit more secure. My mom and Tiffs parents still havent spoken to us because we arent married. Which does make me sad but its ok we have my dad - Tiff's grandparents bought her a car and said thats all they can do for her and not to contact them again until we are married. The car needs some work but I am going to pay for it to fix it up. It needs brakes, suspension and some regular maintenance. &nbsp; My dad finally told me what all happened and I didnt know but it made me open my eyes to all of this. My dad met my mom in H.S too and they were together and got caught kissing. Since my mom's family are Baptist they forced my dad to marry her. I didnt know in Missouri parents can marry their kids at 15 which is why my dad has been so protective. They were going to marry Tiff and I because she was pregnant and when my dad stepped in they couldnt do it. My mom and Tiffs dad went and got a license for us and were going to marry us in their church. I guess I wouldnt have minded marrying Tiff but I would rather do it later. But yeah thats why they arent talking to us. My dad did say if that happened he would helped us get it anulled but we have no intentions of speaking to them right now. He explained that Tiff is stuck and while I might be afraid she is even more afraid because she has no one and I need to reassure her we are here for her as a family. I guess I couldnt see it that way and its good that I talked to him. &nbsp; I hugged my dad and i have been hugging him every day now and its nice its made us closer. All of this information made me pretty sad and grateful at the same time and it helped Tiff and I really start talking more. Like we talked but we didnt talk and I didnt know she was scared too we are now doing days for us to be kids as my dad says. So we both hang out with our friends who still talk to us at least once a week and Tiff and I do a lot of stuff on the weekends now that she doesnt work. Like taking Jelly to the park and going for walks and we did a pumpkin patch. Jelly seems to be happier too and Tiff doesnt seem as tired anymore. anyway thanks everyone for the help, tips and encouragement. I doubt I will update again and just lurk for parenting advice. ​ Edit - just want to say thanks for thinking I am a great dad but I dont believe it just yet. I depend a lot on my dad to help me. Tiff and I are trying we do take parenting classes that they offer us a lot of advice and we have made friends there which is nice. But I dont think we would be this prepared without my dad. Also Tiff is on WIC and we take parenting and co-parenting classes its my dads rules. &nbsp; [**BORU repost for "I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College and I am worried"**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkgxya/i_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf_wants_to/jfddiop/) (comment) - April 7th 2023 &nbsp; Holy Crap guys! I finally logged into Reddit and had tons of messages and I found this post! I honestly just didnt expect this. I might as well make an update! &nbsp; Well Tiff and I are 18 now! I first made my post 2 years ago and Jelly is 2 years old as well. &nbsp; My dad is doing really good now, he FINALLY has a girlfriend and of course he met her at Tiff's community college she is an admissions counselor. &nbsp; Tiff is in CC for nursing and killing it! she will have her associates in nursing and then head over for her bachelors at some point but yeah she doing really good. &nbsp; I am a welder now and I make pretty good money. Tiff and I are back together we started dating again this new years when she kissed me and it just felt right. But she made it very clear we are dating so she is in the basement which we fixed up and I am in my room upstairs and she makes me text her if its ok to come over haha its just a funny thing we do. Yeah I am going to marry her. &nbsp; We go to family counseling 4 times a month 2 weeks virtual and 2 weeks in office because of our schedule we found that this helps us its like couples counseling but not. I am not the best communicator and this has helped me with stressful times with Tiff and Jelly. I feel like I aged the past 2 years. I definitely dont feel 18 I feel a bit older. &nbsp; Jelly is the most happiest kid and she literally lights up a room and I honestly just cant imagine not being in her life every second of the day. She loves Pa (thats what she calls my dad). She has him wrapped around his finger he literally spoils her all the time. I really love being a dad to her. I love taking naps with her and how she is just a daddy's girl, she literally is my shadow. It drives Tiff crazy but she is also really happy. We do go out on dates to like dinner and movies sometimes we just sit in the car and talk and laugh, mostly laugh. &nbsp; My dad has changed a lot and us 4 are really really close he is so much happier and I think his gf makes him happy like made him alive again. He's always doing some weird teaching moments like if Tiff is irritated and walks away he will just say. Well an irritated woman tends to shop to get her mind off things... can you afford that? LOL so yeah he is constantly with his little comments. &nbsp; I havent spoken to my mother at all and I have no intentions of doing so. Tiff's parents did come back and try to build a relationship with her but they always made her feel like shit so she cut contact with them. My dad still wants us to buy the house and I told him we have no plans on ever moving out! so I told him I will buy the house when either I am 30 or when Tiff and I get married and she said not until she graduates and gets a job. So no wedding bells for at least another 2 years. If you ask Tiff she says she doesnt plan on getting married until she is 28 so it might be longer haha. &nbsp; &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

violue

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12tlh1w/i_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf_wants_to/

12tlh1w

My son's friend's parents want to adopt him

ONGOING

**I am not the original poster. That is** [u/livinginfearmom](https://www.reddit.com/user/livinginfearmom/). She posted in r/TrueOffMyChest and her own profile. **Trigger Warning:** >!Attempted kidnapping!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!scary but hopefully things are moving in a good direction!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12h98gi/my_sons_friends_parents_want_to_adopt_him/)**: April 10, 2023** \*All names have been changed to protect everyone involved. I (24F) am a single mom to my son, Owen (8). It’s been just us since Day 1. His father isn’t in the picture and has been able to avoid child support for years now (yes, I’ve tried everything). My own parents disowned me. I had to drop out of high school and have worked a myriad of jobs since then to keep us afloat. We aren’t on the poverty line by any means, but we definitely live paycheck to paycheck, in a one bedroom apartment. It’s not ideal and I hope within the next couple of years, we’ll be some place bigger. For now, it’s our situation. I’ve raised Owen to know that money isn’t everything. We may not have a lot. He won’t always have the newest this or that. But we have each other. The two of us are very close. He has never gone without the basics, but I admit, he doesn’t get a lot of fun extras. I try to save a little here and there to make birthdays and holidays fun, but it’s still never anything glamorous. And I think Owen was fine with that. Until recently, anyway. In our area, all the public schools are based on a lottery system. So, your child has a fair shot of going to any of them, so long as you put in their name. Our neighborhood school is not great and in a pretty crappy area, so I decided to put him in a different one across town. It’s near my job, so it works out. Last year, when he was in 2nd grade, he met Charlie. They began hanging out a lot after school, with Owen going to his place. I met Charlie’s parents, Nate and Paige a couple of times before this began. They seemed very nice and supportive. Owen always had a great time at their house. Charlie occasionally came to our apartment, but usually they were at his place. Which made sense. I work and there’s really not much for them to do here, even when I am off. Summer breaks are easy to find care, as there are several free or low cost camps that I can put Owen in. It’s the shorter breaks, such as Christmas and spring that are harder. Cam space is limited. Spring Break of 2022, I managed to just miss registration. Paige is a stay-at-home-mom and offered to take Owen for the week. I was hesitant to ask so much of her but she insisted. He had a really fun time with them. They did a ton of activities and Paige refused my attempts to pay her back at least some (I couldn’t afford all). I admit, I did feel a tad uncomfortable with her spending this much on my son, but at the same time, I didn’t want to deprive Owen of this stuff. Summer came and while I did get Owen into camp, he spent a ton of time with Charlie as well. He ended up going on vacation with them. I was again, very hesitant, but the experience was something I could never give Owen and it wasn’t too far away. He had a blast. I kept telling Nate and Paige that there’s no way I could ever pay them back and they kept insisting that they loved having Owen around. They told me what a great kid he is. Sweet, respectful. At one point, I really pressed Paige as to why she was so insistent on having Owen around so much. That’s when she told me that they never planned for Charlie to be an only child, but all attempts at giving him a sibling just didn’t happen. They know that Owen will never make up for not having a brother, but if they can give him a consistent playmate so he’s not lonely, they’ll do it. Should this have been a red flag? Maybe. But at the same time, I found it sweet that the boys considered each other brothers. I thought it was innocent. Surely, Paige and Nate knew the truth. Right? Right? This continued for a bit and come Christmas Break of 2022, Paige and Nate insisted that I not even bother to try to get Owen into a camp, they’d take care of him for me. I was grateful. They ended up getting him more Christmas gifts than I did. I tried to set my pride aside because it was about Owen, not me. This is still when things finally started seeming off to me. I understood a gift on his birthday and while they didn’t get him as many gifts at they got Charlie, it was a lot more than you would typically get your kid’s friend. Fast forward to now. Spring Break was last week and this time, Paige and Nate didn’t just offer to take care of him during the day while I worked, they asked if Owen could spend the entire week at their house. Honestly, it meant I could pick up some more shifts and save up for the bike Owen wants for his birthday. So, I said yes. I went to pick him up on Saturday afternoon. The kids were playing out back, so Nate and Paige asked to talk to me. They sat me down and said they love Owen and he’s always such a joy to have. I thanked them profusely for all they’d done for him. Paige suggested that Owen stay a little longer. I pointed out Easter was Sunday plus school started up on Monday. They said they could take him to school. I felt weird and said, no, it was time for Owen to come home. That’s when Nate suggested that Owen stay with them long term. I could still see him, but they would take care of him. I thought they were joking and said “Like what, you’d be his guardians or something?” They got quiet and the reality rushed over me. I pointed out that this wasn’t a movie. They can’t just get custody. They started spouting some legal stuff about how I could assign them as guardians and they would help make this transition smooth. They told me to think about Owen and what’s best for him. I told them there was no way in hell I was going to give up my son. I grabbed Owen and we left. I’ve blocked their numbers. Owen has no clue what’s going on. I’m keeping him home tomorrow and took the day off work to figure some stuff out. Legally, they can’t take him. But now I know what they want and I’m terrified. I don’t want him going back to that school. Do we move? I’m so lost. And I feel so stupid because looking back, all the warning signs were there. I know Owen is going to be devastated losing Charlie, Paige and Nate. How am I ever going to explain it to him? ***Relevant Comments:*** *In response to some (now removed) accusations of neglect:* "I can take care of my kid. He’s never gone hungry. The lights are always on. He has clothes (albeit sometimes from good will or donations). We lived in our car briefly when I was 17 but I pulled us out of that situation and we’ll never be in that place again. I have health insurance. He goes to the doctor. Has his vaccines. He just doesn’t have an iPad or summer vacations. What he does have is love. His favorite stuffed giraffe that I got him when I was pregnant. A love for the park. He isn’t deprived. He has a good life. I love him and I’m never giving him up." *Maybe those parents have been turned down by foster/adoption agencies:* "I’ve suspected this too. It seems like they don’t want another child, they want Charlie to have a permanent playmate/buddy. And I don’t know much about the system, but if they were as honest as they were with me, I could see them turned down." **Update (**[Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12h98gi/my_sons_friends_parents_want_to_adopt_him/jfpqza9/?context=3)**): Later that day** Post won’t let me update directly so here it is in the comments Update\* There’s no way I can respond to everyone so I just want to say thank you for the advice. While I understand those saying they potentially meant well and weren’t trying to be offensive…it’s still a risk I can’t take. It’s not like they offered to take him every so often. They wanted him full time, permanently. To those who said I should just let them…please pass me whatever drugs you are on. I will never give up my son. Do we have the newest this or that? No. We have our needs met. I love my son and I am not letting him go. As for everyone else, I took your advice and reached out to the school. I told them that Paige and Nate are no longer allowed to pick up Owen and explained I do not feel safe with them around each other. They understood. There’s not much they can do outside making sure they never pick him up. It’s too late in the year to move classes but next year, Charlie and Owen will not be in the same class. I notified the police but again, they can’t do much. We have zero in writing and a simple request to have my child isn’t really breaking any laws. Unfortunately all I can do is hope they don’t try anything. I still haven’t spoken to Owen. I think it’s fine if he talks to Charlie and plays with him at school, but I have to find a way to explain why they can’t have play dates or sleepovers. As well as to never to go anywhere near Nate and Paige. I guess that’ll come in time. I’ll update again if anything happens. I’m hoping this is the end. As some of Nate and Paige’s defenders said, they did take my “no” well. So hopefully they realize how totally out of bounds they were and leave us alone. **Update 2 (Comments but it only shows up on OOP's** [profile](https://www.reddit.com/user/livinginfearmom/comments/) **): April 11, 2023 (next day)** Monday night, I talked to Owen and explained that Nate and Paige were not safe. He was confused and I explained that they wanted to take him away from me. I think it spooked him as he started crying, saying he didn’t want to leave me and he didn’t want to see them again. I held him and assured him he wasn’t going anywhere. He understands he is never to go anywhere with them and that the school is taking measures to protect him. I said he could still talk and play with Charlie at school. He said he doesn’t want to. I was honestly worried he’d hate me but you all were right. Telling him the full story made him realize how serious it was. He understands the gifts and trips will stop and says he’s alright with it. Also, I wanted to address one last thing: I’ve gotten a few people offering me money or gifts. Please do not do that. I am very appreciative but that was not the purpose of this post. If you wish to do something, donate to your local shelter or other charity. Owen and I are not in need, I’d rather see it go to people who need it. I didn’t see Nate or Paige at drop off, nor have I gotten any contact (but then again, I did block them everywhere). Thank you all for your help. I’ll update if anything else happens (hopefully it won’t). **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/livinginfearmom/comments/12ml7ri/update_on_the_people_who_are_trying_to_take_my_son/)**: April 14, 2023 (4 days later)** I have tried to post this update in True Off My Chest but it keeps getting autodeleted. Since I have so many followers, I figured I'd update here and hopefully it gets around. Well, what everyone feared would happen, did. Tuesday, he returned to school. I told him he could still talk with and play with Charlie. I was hesitant to drop him off but figured you can’t live in fear. Most afternoon, my son takes the bus to a local rec center for aftercare. I had already told the school everything and that Nate and Paige were not to pick Owen up. I managed to call and even make sure he got on the bus. Aftercare was also made aware of the change in pick up list. Well, a half hour later, I get a call that Paige had tried to pick up my son. The front desk refused to release him. Didn’t say why, just that she was no longer on the list. She wouldn’t leave and the police were called. She was escorted out of the building. While she wasn’t brought to jail, there is a police report and I am using this to go to court and get an order of protection. Paige and Nate are also banned from the rec center so if they \*do\* show up, they will get arrested for trespassing. The police are working on ways to protect us and the local social services office has been made aware of the situation, so should they try to make a claim, they’re aware of the situation. ***Relevant Comment:*** "Thank you. I spoke to him Monday evening, so he knew what he was walking into on Tuesday. It freaked him out a lot and he said he absolutely didn't want to leave me. So, he's aware and knows to never go with them."

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12tq0bc/my_sons_friends_parents_want_to_adopt_him/

12tq0bc

AITA for wanting to report my doctor, who is my sister’s best friend, for telling her I'm on Vyvanse, a HIPAA violation? (New Update)

NEW UPDATE

This is a new update on an ongoing story that has been shared here previously. Originally posted by u/jukeboxrocks in r/AmItheAsshole on Dec 16, '22, updated March 7, '23. New posts on March 30, '23 and April 14, '23 are after the 🔴🔴🔴 Trigger Warning: >!Medical misconduct, Ableism, mental health, familial estrangement!< &nbsp; [Original post Dec 16, '22](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zno8vv/aita_for_wanting_to_report_my_doctor_who_also/) AITA for wanting to report my doctor, who also happens to be my sister’s lifelong best friend, for telling her I’m on vyvanse - a total HIPAA violation? My oldest sister’s lifelong best friend has been my doctor for a couple of years. Initially my doctor (Dr A) was a colleague of hers from the same clinic but after my doctor (Dr A) was away on maternity leave, I temporarily switched to my sister’s friend (Dr B) as my primary physician and it’s been that way since the pandemic began and I never switched back. I have ADHD and get prescription meds for it and have been for a few years now - something I haven’t shared with any of my family members for fear of backlash since I come from a long line of type A over achievers who don’t “believe in ADHD” and write it off as laziness. A few days ago, my siblings and I were hanging out at my sisters house watching the Matthew Perry - Diane Sawyer episode where he shares his history with substance about and I made a comment about how skinny he looked during one of the seasons of Friends. My sister then, out of nowhere, says to me, “well it started with prescription drugs so I hope you don’t get hooked!” I was instantly gripped with a feeling of absolute horror. My other siblings were confused and looking at her for further clarification but she didn’t say anything more. I spent the whole night just frozen and with a deep pit in my stomach. Later, when I found some time alone with her, I had to pry the information out of her. She had just gotten back from a girls ski trip and when they were extremely drunk, her friend (my Dr B) slipped up and mentioned that she saw me recently for an increase in my dosage and basically revealed to my sister that I have been taking prescription vyvanse for a few years now. I’m so livid, feel utter betrayal and have a strong urge to report her for breaking HIPAA regulations. My sister won’t stop texting and calling me about it, literally all day long, begging me not to ruin her friend’s life forever after years of hard work. She’s obviously worried about losing her friend but she couldn’t care less about how disrespected I feel and how my privacy was violated. And more than anything, I worry that my sister will share it with my parents and my family will never look at me or my achievements the same. ETA: A little more info. I’ve known Dr B my entire life, as long as my sister has - she was my sister’s friend since they were in first grade and they’ve remained close and we’ve hung out with our families on multiples occasions over the years. We’ve even gone on trips together including my sister’s bachelorette. I always looked up to her and found her cool growing up. She and my sister both have kids around the same age and they’re close as well. She currently brings in the bigger chunk of the income in their family and they rely on it and my sister keeps reminding me that I’m also ruining two innocent children’s lives in the process, which is the only thing I feel guilt about. I adore those kids and they don’t deserve that. But I also cannot get over how betrayed I feel. I always keep a safe distance between personal and professional relationships and would’ve never picked her to be my doctor had the circumstances not unfolded the way it did. She was the next best doctor and was the obvious choice because I wasn’t really looking to switch to a new clinic during the pandemic. &nbsp; [Update 3 months later March 7, '23](https://www.reddit.com/user/Jukeboxrocks/comments/11leyjd/update_aita_for_wanting_to_report_my_doctor_who/) Thank you for all the advice and support on my original post. After reading the feedback, I reached out to a close lawyer friend for advice as well. And he, like most of you, agreed that I should report it and to do it without informing anyone else. He said it was better for me to do it sooner to have it on record (they prefer any complaint to be filed within 180 days of when you knew that the act or omission complained of occurred). Two days after that I reported Dr.B to OCR for violating HIPAA and Patient Safety Act and breaching my fundamental right to health information privacy. I didn’t tell my sister or anyone else but a few days later, I saw my entire family when I went home for the holidays. I hadn’t heard anything back yet on my complaint so I wasn’t sure if Dr. B was aware yet let alone tell my sister that I had reported her so I didn’t say a word. Turns out that wasn’t my biggest issue at that moment, though. My sister had already told my parents that I was on “an extremely high dose of controlled substances”. I knew my parents wouldn’t take this news well, but they were far more upset about it than I could’ve imagined. My dad “doesn’t believe in ADHD” and thinks it’s merely an excuse for those that “allow themselves to get easily distracted especially since the age of social media”. He even remarked that he noticed I was “quite slow with my responses” since dropping out of my chess club. Really absurd and offensive comments. I can’t even remember a lot of it because I was frozen - I just sat there, nauseous and livid, with tears in my eyes, just listening to the three of them (my parents and sister) take turns going off at me. My mom wanted me to stop all medications immediately, that “I’m better than this and smarter than this” and even threatened to “tell your professors that you’re on drugs if you leave us with no choice”. But when she said that, it hit me. I had a choice. I could choose. I could choose to never have to deal with this again and to not let them treat me this way anymore. So I did. I chose to say nothing and allowed them to interpret my silence as agreeing and submitting to their ways as I have done so many times before. And then I went to my room, chose to book a flight and pack up most of my stuff (my books would need buses of their own to be transported anywhere). The next morning, I chose to call an uber a few hours before my flight, while they were still asleep, and flew back to my university. I chose me. In January, I found out that Dr.B had prior complaints from patients against her, and my report had opened an investigation (that is currently ongoing). She’s been placed on temporary leave till the case is resolved. I can’t share more details on that for now, but I will come back and update once it’s done. &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 &nbsp; **These next comments were made on the first update, right after the last BoRU post:** >I also have adhd and I studied neuroscience, partly because I wanted to understand. I also come from a family that thinks like op's and I got the same BS from them all my life. >We now finally come to be able to make ADHD visible in MRI scans. And predict the presence of symptoms with an accuracy of up to 80%. We can make visible the ways adhd brains are different from normal brains not in their structure but in the way they make use of it. >We can see where our bodies use more oxygen and neurotransmitters and adhd brains are visibly different from "normal" ones in a way that is congruent with the symptoms. >We can even tell apart the inattentive type and the hyperactive type with an accuracy of up to 75%. >People who say adhd patients are lazy and their symptoms are their own choices and character flaw are as ignorant and backwards as someone still believing the flu is caused by bad air or cancer is gods will. If this family is so smart, they are doing a really good job at remaining ignorant. >With all the evidence out there they have to really choose not to read and educate themselves and become advocates for their child and sibling but instead actively avoid the newest scientific evidence that their opinion is stupid and they have been shitty people all along. >Op, it took me 30 years to make the step you made. Cudos on being so brave and mature while still being in college. I'm still trying to come to terms with self doubt, imposter syndrom and depression. If you can afford it, do some therapy. Growing up in such a negative environment takes it's tolls even after you cut the ties. >I'm proud of you! The hurdles to get to where you are today where huge and you did it all by yourself!! Never forget that! >Here's and article about it: https://www.ajmc.com/view/brain-mris-can-identify-adhd-and-distinguish-among-subtypes >This is just a small study in china but they are happening everywhere and they all come to the same conclusion. OP: I have tears in my eyes. I really needed to read every single thing you typed out here. I’m so tempted to send this to my family but I don’t want to interact with them right now so I won’t. I love science just as much as they do and studying physics brings me so much purpose - I just know I need some help in staying ahead of my course and completing my assignments and I’m finally okay with that. In the short time that I’ve been away from my family, I’ve felt so much more freedom in accepting who I am. That I am still smart and capable and that I will still become a scientist, even if I do it my own way and I am okay with the fact that my family doesn’t approve of my choices. If they can’t be bothered to listen to me let alone attempt to learn anything about my diagnosis and try to be there for me, they aren’t worth worrying over. I have spent far too much of my life doing that already. I have no more time or energy to give to that anymore. I’m channeling all of that towards me, achieving my goals and healing my trauma. Thank you for listening and for sharing. I’m so grateful for you. 🥲 . *OP, on her family*: It’s their whole image. We come from a long line of scientists and many of my family members have a PhD. And as far as I know, none of them have been officially diagnosed like I have or maybe they struggled with it secretly, but their work ethic and achievements are everything to them and they would never reveal anything that would show otherwise. It’s the way we were raised and I didn’t know anything else for most of my life. Anyone who couldn’t pay attention was “distracted” in their eyes. Nothing more. . >Sad thing is, I get the feeling that you could show all of this to OP's family and it wouldn't make a bit of difference. OP: It wouldn’t. You are so right. I considered it for a second but you are so very right. I was seriously so blind for years. All I wanted was to be good enough for them. Therapy is now making me realize so many things… it’s so bittersweet. My heart aches. &nbsp; [The worst part about going no contact with your sister: missing out on getting to hang out with your niece and nephew](https://www.reddit.com/user/Jukeboxrocks/comments/126xsd9/the_worst_part_about_going_no_contact_with_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) March 30, '23 &nbsp; I don’t know how many of you have actually gone NC with your family - especially to the extent that I have currently. But I’d love to hear any advice you might have. At this point, I don’t have any form of communication with my parents and older sister and haven’t since December. The most awful part about this whole thing is my inability to reach out to my young niece and nephew who I’m so close to. Every year I receive a Valentine’s Day card from them and this year I got none… it’s incredibly lonely and I don’t wish this on anyone. I’m always wondering why they think I haven’t called them. As much as I’m growing and healing from this, I’m also dealing with a lot of trauma and it’s rough. :/ &nbsp; *In the comments:* I think it’s so hard for me right now because for years so much of what mattered to me what getting approval and being good enough for my family - especially since they’re all over achievers and place a lot of value in academic excellence. And to feel no support from them at a time when I could really use it.. I’ve never felt so alone and just out of place in this world. But I’m also learning a lot about myself and how codependent I was and relied too much on their opinions to ever even form strong ones of my own - so the bright side to this is figuring myself out. . I’ve been having an extremely hard time the last few days dealing with this. I am looking forward to when I can say my life is much healthier and happier without my sister… I know it will come but right now…I’m just experiencing so much sadness as a younger sister who looked up to my sister so freaking much. All I wanted was to be good enough for her to be proud of me or think I was worthy of her time and attention. But I’m not and coming to terms with that, is brutal. . >It really is like grieving the death of a loved one. Therapy helps, having support helps, and being kind to yourself helps. For me a big issue was second guessing myself. "Maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion" "I should just apologize again" those thoughts were hard to get past. OP: I’m having those exact thoughts. I am currently in therapy and it is not easy. It seems like so much of the affection I thought I felt from my family wasn’t real at all and most of it in my head. Thank you for sharing with me. It might not seem like much but it really does help to know there are others out there dealing with similar situations. It is SO hard. . >Could I make a suggestion to you? Create an email address for them. Something like ilovenephew at gmail.com and iloveneice at gmail.com. Then email them every time you would have sent a card or reached out. Send emails that say “happy Valentine’s Day! I miss you guys!” “Hey, I saw pictures/heard through the grapevine that you did this! That’s awesome and I’m proud of you!” “This reminded me of you today and I wanted to share.” I would have the first email to the account be a “this is what happened between your mom and dad and I and why I’m no contact. It was never about you guys and I’m always here when you’re ready to contact me”. >Then when they’re old enough to decide for themselves (maybe 18, maybe earlier or later depending on circumstances at that point), you can give them the password OP: This is a wonderful idea and I might actually do this. It feels like a good way to express my feelings without bottling them all up. Thank you! &nbsp; [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/user/Jukeboxrocks/comments/12m8ufs/update_2/) April 14, '23 &nbsp; Thank you to every single person that has commented, reached out via DM or shared any advice with me. My ADHD and current anxiety has me extremely overwhelmed so please excuse me for not being able to respond to each of you individually. I get quite a few questions every day about any update with the case. I’m not sure how so many of you are still finding this post but I really appreciate everything you’ve said to me to help me get through this. I’m sorry I can’t answer any questions right now. Please know that once I have enough to share or any real information, I most certainly will but for now, there isn’t much. The only thing I can share is that I am currently working with an attorney well versed in HIPAA violations who is handling the matter on my behalf. We have received a notice regarding the outcome of the investigation from the OCR which I am not allowed to share yet. I’m not sure if we (along with the other patients who faced breach of privacy from the same doctor) will be suing because that’s usually the most unlikely outcome since it almost always falls on the employers rather than the doctors I’ve been told - we might proceed with a civil claim. There’s a lot of bureaucracy involved and it seems quite complicated so I don’t have a timeline on what to expect yet - I’m just grateful to have a lawyer that knows what they’re doing. Thank you for your support. It’s been the most hardest and lonely period of my life and your kind words help me get through it. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >Hey, it Sounds to be a good update so far! How did the situation with your family turn out? Did they contact you? I hope you’re emotionally ok and have the time to heal. OP: My mom has tried to contact me a few times but I haven’t answered. My dad and sister haven’t. I have checked in with my other two siblings a few times, when I’ve just been so incredibly lonely that it feels like the world is ending. I am not emotionally okay at all. I’m going to therapy and getting help for it, but processing trauma is a very hard and painful process. I can’t explain to you in words how it feels to have a stranger make you realize your family has never loved you at all. As much as my older sister was a bully to me, in some twisted way, she was my idol growing up and all I wanted was to make her proud of me. I never felt worthy of her time or attention back then and never did even as an adult with many achievements. And to know she would pick her friends in a heartbeat over me, it really was such a painful stab in my back. 😓 I know things will get better. I feel it in waves. I am finding confidence in little things everyday. . I am looking forward to when I can say my life is much healthier and happier without my sister… I know it will come but right now…I’m just experiencing so much sadness as a younger sister who looked up to my sister so freaking much. All I wanted was to be good enough for her to be proud of me or think I was worthy of her time and attention. But I’m not and coming to terms with that, is brutal. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12ttd4l/aita_for_wanting_to_report_my_doctor_who_is_my/

12ttd4l

OOP has their PS5 stolen from Gamestop and the employees there are less than helpful.

CONCLUDED

*Reminder, I am not the OP. This is a repost.* [**Original post from April 11, 2023 - Tx - Gamestop gave my prepurchased ps5 to someone else. Did not check their ID when handing it off.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/12iuqmy/tx_gamestop_gave_my_prepurchased_ps5_to_someone/) Happened in Dallas. My Son's 15th is in a week and I was getting him a PS5 I got off gamestop's site for shipped to store. It was the GOW Ragnarok bundle digital edition. Long story short. I get there and they cant find my order. They check and it showed it was picked up. At first they threatened to call police claiming I was running a scam until they checked the camera as it was picked up just an hour before I got there. Turns out the clerk did not check ID of the guy picking up the order. The clerk had all ship to store orders sitting on the back counter with the invoices taped to them. The guy had apparently read my name off of the order. The clerk grabbed it, typed up some things in the system and the thief left with my package. I got pretty mad during the ordeal and started recording. The manager was verbally telling the clerk everything he did wrong there during the interaction but was refusing to make it right. He said they only had disk versions of the ps5 GOW ragnarok bundle available and I ordered a digital version. (The one with no disk drive.) They are refusing to refund the money or give me another ps5. I need to know if they are responsible here. The way they tried to explain it, since I prepurchased the unit, I was the theft victim. Not the store. So they were under no obligation to make it right. They are full of shit right? They are responsible for this as they were the one who got scammed right? [**Update from April 14, 2023**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/12mdt03/tx_update_on_gamestop_giving_my_ps5_to_a_thief/) I called the corporate line like most of you suggested. Thanks for that. Also F you for that. Holy hell that line was the WORST customer service I have ever dealt with. Including comcast. Anyways. After being transferred from India to China to Taiwan and then to Malaysia. Or just 3 different departments whom had no clue what the hell was going on. Seriously… Warm transfers anyone? I finally got on the phone with someone who mattered. I had to send the video from my phone to them, but they finally agreed that the store screwed up. They gave me a replacement right away. They asked if the same store was a good place to pick up the unit, I said yes and they gave me some instructions for the supervisor there. Get to the store and new employees are there. Manager I talked with had been hired yesterday so apparently this was bad enough for the previous people to be gone. Either that or they just hired a new manager. He had to make 3 phone calls to get the transaction processed. Its like they hired a kid off the street and didn’t train them. Either way doesn’t matter to me. Ill never be back to gamestop ever. I get the unit home and noticed it was the disk version. At that point I no longer cared that it was an upgrade. I was done and never wanted to go through this process again. I just spent the day transferring his ps4 games to his ps5. Side note. The guy who stole the ps5 got caught. The manager realized the situation halfway through and told me they caught the guy. Said he did it to several gamestops and got caught in the act at one of them. *Reminder, I am not the OP. This is a repost.*

justathoughtfromme

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12u2pt9/oop_has_their_ps5_stolen_from_gamestop_and_the/

12u2pt9

My sister(F31) says I(F25) can't be in her wedding if I bring my boyfriend(M26) of 5 years

ONGOING

I am not OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRA-calicoastin. Trigger Warning: >!mentions of physical fighting!< Mood spoiler: >!shocking!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/duplicates/12aaxd6/my_sisterf31_says_if25_cant_be_in_her_wedding_if/) was posted on April 3rd, 2023. **My sister(F31) says I(F25) can't be in her wedding if I bring my boyfriend(M26) of 5 years** I met my boyfriend in college 7 years ago, and we started dating 5 years ago. He is super close and loving with my family. He was there at my nieces' births, baptisms, Christmas, vacations, etc. We are extremely committed to each other for the long run, but don't want to get married until we are financially stable and both our careers are where we want them to be. My sister has been with her fiance for 2 years and engaged for 6 months. My sister is the type of girl who has dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl. It didn't matter who proposed she just wanted to be married. I have never cared if i got married or not, as long as I have a good career and a happy relationship i'm fine. In the beginning of her relationship she tricked me into going on a double date with her fiancé and his brother. She had said it was dinner with her and a friend, and it was most definitely not. The brother kept making passes at me the whole time and I told him I had a boyfriend and the whole situation made me uncomfortable. At their engagement party my boyfriend noticed that the brother wouldn't stop staring at me and we tried our best to avoid him. Every time I have seen this guy he has been weird towards me. My sister wanted me, my twin(fraternal), and 2 brothers in her wedding. The wedding is supposed to be next month in the beginning of May. My sister just told me that I'm going to be walking down the aisle with her fiancé's brother. I told her that he makes me uncomfortable and I thought I would be walking with my own brother. Apparently this is something her fiancé is insisting and she wants to make him "happy". Seems like a pretty weird thing to insist, and I know its some scheme between the two brothers. My other siblings also thought it was weird and voiced their objections to our sister. She got upset and said this is her wedding and she'll do what she wants. I told my boyfriend this and he was upset for me. He's confident enough in himself that he knows this guy would never be competition, but he knows how uncomfortable I am with this situation. The other day we had family dinner at my mom's house. I took this as an opportunity to bring up the aisle situation with my mother around. My sister got extremely upset and started crying saying I was trying to ruin her marriage. I was so confused, as was everyone else, and tried to explain that he makes me and my boyfriend extremely uncomfortable. She then said that I can't bring my boyfriend to her wedding anymore and if i do then I'm no longer a bridesmaid. She gave no reason as to why I can't bring him and my siblings were just as upset considering they like my boyfriend a lot better than my sister's fiancé. I thought I would give her a few days to calm down and re-think but she has not changed her mind. My 19 year old brother's girlfriend is still invited to the wedding. My boyfriend is an incredible guy and has been nothing but kind and generous to my sister. His feelings are hurt but he still wants me to go to the wedding. I think my sister is being an unreasonable ahole and I will be pretty pissed off at the wedding if my LIFE partner is not there with me. Being her bridesmaid is something I can live without, so should I bring my boyfriend or go without him? Or should I demand that my boyfriend be allowed to come to her wedding and that she's being super unfair? I love my sister but I don't understand why she's forcing some silly request by her creepy brother in law. I don't know what to do and my family is no help either. TLDR: My sister is making me walk down the aisle with her fiancé’s creepy brother who makes me extremely uncomfortable. When I objected she said I can't bring my boyfriend(of 5 years) to the wedding, and if I do I am no longer a bridesmaid. *Top Comment:* *"She’s upset because it seems like she basically offered you up to BIL’s creepy brother on a platter with the delusional idea of “oh won’t it be cute if you and my sister hooked up at my wedding” despite you already having your boyfriend, and you’re ruining her “vision” and being a bridezilla about it.* *Call her bluff and accept stepping down from being in the martial party regardless, but reiterate sternly that you are in no way shape or form playing along with their stupid matchmaking idea and they need to stop. You’re her sister, not some breeding mare to be promised at her or BIL’s whim, their behavior is disgusting."* [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/12g4y12/myf25_sisterf31_doesnt_want_my_bfm26_at_her/) posted on April 8th, 2023. **My(f25) sister(f31) doesn't want my bf(m26) at her wedding bc her BIL(m29) is infatuated with me and I punched her in the face. Don't know what to do now.** I posted a few days ago about **my sister(f31) saying I(f25) cant be in her wedding if I bring my boyfriend(m26) of 5 years.** That post has since been removed, but I will quickly summarize the situation because it has escalated. My sister's fiancé's brother has made several sexual advances at me in the past and my sister has encouraged it (she tricked me into a double date). My relationship with my boyfriend is very serious and we will get married sometime in the future. The brother has always made me uncomfortable and I try to stay as far away from him as I can. My sister then decided that I was going to walk down the aisle with him, instead of with my brother(that was the original plan, theres 4 of us siblings, 2 guys, 2 girls). I told her at family dinner I didn't want to do that, some arguing was involved, she was crying, then she said I can't bring my boyfriend to the wedding and if I do I am no longer a bridesmaid. Most of the comments said I shouldn't go to the wedding at all, but she is my sister and I don't want to miss her wedding. I went to my parent's house with my brothers and told them about everything the BIL has done that makes me super uncomfortable and how my sister is disrespecting my relationship. My dad was pretty pissed off about the date stunt that she pulled and is on my side. My mom, however, says that I need to try and resolve this with her because if I am not part of the wedding party "people will talk". I honestly couldn't give a shit about what extended family has to say. My mom called a family meeting and told my sister and my twin to come to the house. My dad asked her why I was no longer walking with my brother, to which she responded saying that its what her fiancé wants and she just wants to make him happy. I pressed the issue asking why is this such a big deal for me to walk with him and that he's super weird and I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to assault me. That really pissed her off. She starting crying and yelling saying a bunch of bs how this is all she's ever wanted and we're trying to ruin her special day, blah blah blah. I was tired of the arguing and just straight up said I'll go to the wedding as a guest then I'm leaving before the reception. My twin and younger brother took my side and said they don't want to be in the wedding party if i'm not. This made my sister lose her fucking mind. She was screaming now, calling me a bunch of names that I can't say on this sub; a b\*\*\*h, c\*\*\*t, w\*\*re; and also calling my boyfriend names. I decided to leave and let my parents calm her down, but before I could walk out she ran at me and yanked my hair(still screaming). She wouldn't let go, so I yanked hers too and she let go. She has extensions and apparently i fucked them up, and ripped some hair out. She tried to grab me again, so I punched her in the face. I didn't mean to hit her it was just my instant reaction to someone coming at me. So now she has a black eye, a cut on her cheek, and missing some hair. She's absolutely livid because her bachelorette party is next week. My mom is mad at me, my dad is not. My sister is now saying that she's going to "press charges" against me. Can she actually do that or is she just trying to scare me? She's also pissed off because my other siblings won't be in the wedding. She told my mom if I apologize to her and agree to be in the wedding she'll let me walk with my brother. I feel like that is bs and she will still make me walk with the BIL last minute. At this point I feel like it's not worth the trouble and I just don't want to go at all. My mom and dad want me to do what she asked because they're paying for the wedding and want all their kids there. My twin and younger brother said they'll do whatever I want to do, but I don't think I should be the reason they don't go. My boyfriend feels like he started all this drama when none of it is his fault. My sister believes I ruined her wedding (she ruined it herself) and I don't know what to do. So options are go to the wedding as a guest, be in the wedding, or not go at all. My parents will be upset if I don't go, and I really don't want any more tension, but she disrespected me and my relationship. As soon as this wedding is over I am going to limit my contact with her for a while. TLDR: My sister doesn't want my long term boyfriend at her wedding because her future BIL is infatuated with me. I told her i would not walk down the aisle with him and just be a guest. She lost her mind, became super angry, and attacked me. In response, I punched her in the face. 2 of my siblings don't want to go anymore either. Now she's saying I ruined her wedding and she'll let me walk with my brother, but I don't believe her. I don't know whether to go or not because I don't want anymore family drama. At the end of the day, she's my sister and I love her. *Top comment:* *"I wouldn't go. And since she attacked you first, can't you claim self defense? And what kind of toxic sister is she??? She's utter human garbage to put you in such a position. Don't go to the wedding. She should have to suffer the consequences of her actions."* Reminder: I am not OOP. Please do not post on the original posts. This BORU is marked as "ongoing" because the situation has not been resolved and OOP still isn't sure what she should do. Edit: another BORU post with the final update has been made https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13d0430/my_sisterf31_says_if25_cant_be_in_her_wedding_if/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

the_greek_italian

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12u657r/my_sisterf31_says_if25_cant_be_in_her_wedding_if/

12u657r

AITA for refusing to leave the store with my dog?

CONCLUDED

**I am not OOP. OOP is u/throwaway975320 on r/AmItheAsshole and r/Entitledparents Trigger Warning: >!Ableism and racism!< [AITA for refusing to leave the store with my dog?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11nr65l/aita_for_refusing_to_leave_the_store_with_my_dog/) March 10, 2023 I have an invisible disability and a service dog. She's a cardiac alert dog. I bring her everywhere, and it has been such a big quality of life difference for me. Yesterday I was in Bulk Foods buying some supplies and brought my dog with me. While I was buying candy, a girl nearby started crying. The mother walked over and started demanding that I leave the store immediately. I tried telling her that my dog was working and was not a pet. She wasn't having it and didn't believe me because I was too young to have a medical condition. She said that regardless of whether or not my dog was an authentic working dog, her child had autism and was terrified, so I had to leave immediately and wait until they were done shopping until I could come back inside. I refused and continued shopping. I simply went to another area of the store to get the rest of the stuff on my shopping list. The woman had to bring her child and leave the store because she was too scared. The entire time, she kept saying I should he ashamed of myself for scaring a child and refusing to leave. Edit: Yes, my dog was wearing a harness with patches on it to clearly identify it as a service dog and to not distract while she's working. Verdict: NTA [Karen called the cops on my service dog and accused me of being too young to be disabled again](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/12kqo29/karen_called_the_cops_on_my_service_dog_and/) April 13, 2023 So... I saw the Karen with her child again. But this time in Walmart while I was grocery shopping. I made the mistake of ignoring my dog when she was alerting to my heart rate. I genuinely thought she wanted the sandwich I was eating. Boy was I ever wrong... I ended up really dizzy and out of breath and had to sit down in the corner of the store while she was doing deep pressure therapy. I must have been on the floor for about 10 minutes. During that time, a staff member at Walmart came over to check on me and ask if I was alright. They gave me a free bottle of water as well and I am very appreciative of that. Anyways, while I was down, the same child saw me again from a distance and had another meltdown. The child's mom already explained to me last time that her daughter had autism. She was screaming and crying about my dog being there because she was terrified. I can understand why she may be scared because my dog is by no means small. She's a 115lb female cane corso. Aside from alert and response, she's also trained for mobility assistance. Her breed isn't typically used as a service dog but she was a natural. I got her as a pet dog and she became the service dog I needed. She's 100% good girl. This woman did not leave the store with her child that was having a meltdown. Instead, she had the audacity to call 911 on me! Eventually the cops did show up and she kept shouting that I was faking having a disability because I was too young to actually be disabled again, that it was illegal for me to have my service dog anywhere near food indoors and that people like me are the reason why she has had to suffer lockdowns. I'm asian. She said the least I could do is be considerate and stay home away from everyone and keep my dog at home where it belongs. My dog was very clearly vested with tags that says service dog. I showed the cops my medical note that I carry stating that I require a service dog. In the end, the manager banned the woman from coming to the local Walmart for a year. The cops only gave her a warning for wasting their time and escorted her off the property. *Editor's note: marked as concluded since this is a throwaway account and it's not likely OOP will have further run ins with the Karen. LMK if you disagree.* **Reminder: I am not the OP.**

swtogirl

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12ufzq3/aita_for_refusing_to_leave_the_store_with_my_dog/

12ufzq3

AITA - Refusing to cook

CONCLUDED

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Marrowshard](https://www.reddit.com/user/Marrowshard/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Overall looking positive!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11trxqv/aita_refusing_to_cook/)**: March 17, 2023** I (41F) live with my husband (41M) and daughters (10, 17). Husband is a picky eater, which I've known about for 20 years. I'm used to making food and having husband and/or kids making faces, gagging, taking an hour to pick at a single serving, or just outright refusing to eat. My husband is notorious for coming home from work, taking one look at the dinner I've made, and opting for a frozen pizza. Most of the meals I make cater to their specific wants. Like spaghetti: 10F only eats the plain noodles. 17F eats the noodles with a scrambled egg on top, no sauce. Husband only eats noodles with a specific brand of tomato sauce with ground beef in it. If I use any other sauce (even homemade) I'm going to be eating leftovers for a week. So it's just the one recipe of spaghetti. These days, husband complains that we have a lot of the same meals, over and over. It's true, but when I've explained WHY that's true, it doesn't seem to sink in. I can only make a few things that everyone in the family will reliably eat and those get old. A couple of nights ago I made a shepherd's pie. I used a new recipe with seasoned ground beef (3/3 like), peas (2/3 like), and tomatoes (1/3 like, 1/3 tolerate) with a turmeric-mashed potato top layer (2/3 will eat mashed potato). Predictably, 10F ate a single bite then gagged and ended up throwing hers away. 17F ate part of a single bowl then put hers in the trash. Husband came home late and "wasn't hungry". I was so tired of reactions to my food and putting in the effort for YEARS and it all finally came down on me at once. I burst into tears and cried all night and the next morning. So I told my husband that I was done cooking. From here on out, HE would be responsible for evening meals. I would still do breakfast for the girls, and lunch when they weren't in school but otherwise it was up to him. He said "what about when I work late?". I told him he needed to figure it out. I told him that between him and the girls, I no longer found any joy in cooking and baking, that I hated the way he and the girls made me feel when they reacted to my food, that I was tired of the "yuck faces" and refusals to eat when I made something new and that it broke my heart EVERY time. This morning, he had to work, so he got up early to do some meal prep. He was clearly angry. He said he doesn't understand why "\[I\] said I hated him". He said he "doesn't know what to do" and thinks I'm being unfair and punishing him. He said I make things that "don't appeal to kids" sometimes and I can't expect them to like it when I make Greek-style lemon-chicken soup (17F enjoyed it, 10F and husband hated it). I countered that I make PLENTY of chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, grilled cheese, etc but that picky or not, there's such a thing as respect for a person's efforts. So, Reddit: AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *What does your husband do/splitting chores:* "He works as a retail manager every day except Wednesday and Thursday. I WFH on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays (afternoon-evening shift) We live on a hobby farm, so farm chores fall to me (unless it's plowing the driveway, because the tractor is old and fickle). We typically share large outdoor projects like firewood stacking, coop cleaning, and yard cleanup. Daily chores are mine. I also do all the housecleaning, laundry, paperwork/bill paying, school events, pet care/vet appts, medical appointments, child care, gift shopping/shipping, and errands. Husband is usually good about picking up some groceries on his way home from work, and has recently stepped up to making some of the meals on nights when I work (if I didn't already have something in the crock pot)." *Wasting food:* "Most of our scraps go to the chickens, ducks, or dog. This time I was out of the room (crying) when they threw the stuff away in the trash." *What exactly is your policy when they don't eat the food?* "The policy has always been "try it first" and then (especially with the 10F) to ask WHY they don't like it. So if it's a texture thing, or flavor, or ketchup would help, I work with that. Like I KNOW the youngest doesn't like sauce/gravy, so I'll usually keep some of whatever it is reserved to the side so it doesn't get sauced. The family likes over-baked fish, but 10F said she doesn't like the "black stuff" (pepper) so hers is lightly salted and done. If she picks at a meal without eating a reasonable amount, she's allowed to be done IF she agrees there will be no snacking/dessert afterwards. If she (or any of them) puts in the effort and it's just not their favorite but they TRIED, that's good enough for me. It's the facial expressions and complaints that do me in. They don't have to love it, but if you're going to pick at it and then dump the plate and grab a bag of chips, I'm going to be hurt and upset, you know?" *Any allergies or food issues?* "Husband has a mild food allergy to onions, so those are not used in the house (unless it's something solely for someone else like salsa - he has to ingest it or handle peeled onions to get a reaction). He's been to a doc for stomach/digestive stuff and aside from a recommendation for more fiber, there was nothing wrong with him. 10F's regular pediatrician says she seems healthy and isn't malnourished so they're not concerned much over her pickiness as a medical problem." *Have you ever expressed your dislike of their reactions before and/or tried to figure out what they like?* "Many, many times. I sat down with my husband when we first got together and worked out a list of things he WOULD NOT eat, so I could develop workarounds. To his credit, he's made progress over the years in trying things before he rejects them, and has learned to like, for example, sour cream in his mashed potatoes, even though he hates sour cream by itself. Most of the things he DOES like are isolated flavors in a particular style. He eats exactly two kinds of pie: Raspberry and French Silk. But the Silk has to be on a Graham cracker crust with no whipped cream or chocolate curls, and the raspberry has to be a classic double-crust (no tart-style, crumble-top, or other cobbler-adjacent types). Using apples is a mortal sin." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12ne09g/update_refusing_to_cook/)**: April 15, 2023 (1 month later)** I spoke with each family member individually about their behavior. 10F apologized profusely and said that "sometimes \[she\] doesn't like my cooking". 17F (who has only been with us since she was 16 and didn't grow up with us. It was a bit too long and off-topic for the original post) said she appreciated that I make varied recipes, even if she didn't always like them. She also said that she WANTED to cook, but had seen Husband and 10F's reactions to mine and was put off it. Husband accepted the TA judgement from the sub and to his credit, he planned and executed every evening meal. The kids ate his meals, but husband's lack of finesse (overboiled vegetables, untrimmed meat, soggy pasta, etc) caused some picked-over meals from the kids. Everything was edible, though, and he very politely asked for some tips on things (like how long to cook rice) but I did not physically help. I reassured him that I wasn't trying to watch him fail but that I needed him to learn a lesson. After a couple of weeks, both kids were tired of husband's oft-repeated recipes (homemade pizza, Korean beef/veg bowls, and nuggets/fries) and he was stressed trying to get home from work in time to get meals done. The very first night, 10F cried over her "dry, gross" pizza crust. Husband fought her over it and BOTH OF THEM looked to me to solve the issue. I redirected 10F to Husband, saying it's his call since it's his dinner. With several meals, he made WAY too much mediocre food and had to eat leftovers for DAYS, which was cathartic. Eventually, I sat down with Husband and we evaluated the fallout. Husband said it hurt when the girls didn't like his food, and it was hard to plan things ahead on night he worked late. He also admitted he was in a rut for recipes and that it was hard to modify for people's preferences. There is now a posted schedule and rule set that ALL family members are expected to adhere to. Each kid picked a night to cook (10F has Sunday, 17F has Saturday). Husband and I split the weekdays according to work schedule. Since he works late on Monday and Friday, I took those. I work Tuesday and Thursday nights, so those belong to him. Wednesday is a flex day. Anyone can cook, or we might go out, and group projects are encouraged. The rules are: NO gagging, "faces", or complaining Cook chooses the meal, period Assistance may be requested by anyone Special ingredient requests must be made a minimum of two days in advance So far so good. 17F has been learning a lot of technique, 10F is thrilled to be addressed as "Chef" by whoever is assisting her, and no one has yet broken any of the Rules. Husband more easily asks for my advice when he's cooking (how to season, how long to cook things) which is a huge improvement. It's too early to declare victory, and it takes a long time to make permanent changes, but it's encouraging progress. Thanks everyone for the advice and the support! Here's to continued positive change. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Did your husband actually apologize?* "Yes, he did!" **Marking as concluded because the original issue has been solved (for now).**

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12uvh1h/aita_refusing_to_cook/

12uvh1h

15 years ago my (then 18F) best friend (18F) got pregnant by my boyfriend (20M) of three years and my family knew about it but didn't tell me so I ran from home. Now we are back in contact after 15 years and my (33F) mom (59F) demands I mend my relationship with the ex-bf and ex BFF.

ONGOING

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA_MindlessMe **15 years ago my (then 18F) best friend (18F) got pregnant by my boyfriend (20M) of three years and my family knew about it but didn't tell me so I ran from home. Now we are back in contact after 15 years and my (33F) mom (59F) demands I mend my relationship with the ex-bf and ex BFF.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/m84cs4/throwra_15_years_ago_my_then_18f_best_friend_18f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **March 18, 2021** Hello again everyone. I posted this story today, but from a different profile (Mindless_Cucamber_76). I am new to reddit and really have no idea how to work it. I really just want to share my story, so I am trying again. Thank you to all who commented on my previous post. I never realized how many amazing people are on here and I really appreciate the many advises I was given. This is a long story that really started some 15 years ago. It really impacted my (33F) life, so please bear with me. When I was 18 and in my senior year of high school I really believed my life was on a good track. I lived with with with my parents and 4 siblings (23M, 22M, 20F, 14F) and spent most of my days hanging out with my best friend Ashley (18F) and/or my boyfriend of three years Kyle (20M). Both Ashley's and Kyle's parents were best friends with my parent, so I knew both of them since we were in diapers. We spent holidays together, birthdays and visited each other all the time as we lived in the same town. Ashley's been my friend for 18 years and she truly was the person I trusted with everything. Sometimes our parents would joke that we are connected by the hip as we were together all the time. I've been dating Kyle for the last 3 years. I believed he was the love of my life and the one I would eventually marry. We were quite serious and even talked about getting married after he finished college (he was a sophomore at that point). Although I had every plan on going to university, I was quite content with the idea of being married to Kyle and being a stay-at-home mom. My parents loved Kyle and supported our relationship. I really was happy. (I think I should note here that my sister 20 F was also dating Kyle's brother 23M and that all our siblings were very close). One day, at the beginning of the school year, I noticed that Ashley was being very melancholic and detached. After a while of prodding, she told me she was pregnant. I was very surprised because I didn't know she and her boyfriend broke up a while ago and I didn't know she had anyone else like that in her life. I asked her who the father was and she didn't want to talk about it, but in a way implied that the ex was the father. She was absolutely distraught, so I dropped the topic and just consoled her. I was with her when she told her family and while her parents were disappointed, they promised to support her in whatever she decides. They tried to make her share the dad's name but she refused and made me promise to stay quiet (They did not know she had a boyfriend at one point). I was there for her for the next nine months. I went with her for an ultrasound, doc's appointments. I was there for her when she was bullied in school for being pregnant, I helped her set up the nursery, I was there when she was sick or just felt down, I held a baby shower for her, went shopping with her, I even took some parenting classes with her. We chose names together and she even asked me to be with her in the delivery room. I noticed that the pregnancy was really taking a toll on her emotionally and physically and I tried to support her in every way possible. She was my best friend, always there for me and I loved her. Some 2 weeks before her due date I went to the mall to run some errands and ran into her ex. Although I promised never to contact her, the knowledge of my friend's emotional state sent me into a fit of anger and I confronted him. I gave him a piece of my mind, told him what a piece of shit he was for leaving his ex pregnant and alone and not caring for his unborn child. He was shocked and said that he had no idea what I was talking about. Ashley never told him about the pregnancy and when I told him she was 9 months pregnant at the time, he said that it was not possible for him to be the father as they broke up over a year ago and had no relations since then. I was confused but apologized for yelling at him in the middle of the mall. After that, he became snarky, said some nasty stuff, and mentioned that maybe I should ask Ashley's friend Kyle if he is the Daddy. I didn't really think about his words in any way. Kyle and Ashley have been friends their entire lives, we were always very close (because of our parents' relationship), but they never showed any sign of being anything more. That evening my younger sister (14F) and I were preparing to have a movie night. I began ranting to her about confronting Ashley's ex and his words. My sister, who is usually very outspoken, got quiet and didn't really respond to anything I said. After a while, she excused herself and went to the bathroom. I decided to go and get some snack and went downstairs to the kitchen and heard younger sister berating my mother. This part of my memory is really fuzzy as I was dealing with lots of emotions. My sister told my mom about me running into Ashley's ex and his words and told my mom she no longer wanted to hide from me the fact that Kyle was Ashley's baby's father. I was shocked. Absolutely shocked. I stumbled into the kitchen and demanded an explanation. Both my mom and my sister became white as a sheet when they saw me and my sister started crying her eyes out. My sister explained to me (some things I also learned from other people later) that appear during the end of the summer break Kyle and Ashley attended the same house party, got drunk, and slept together. Ashley got pregnant and told Kyle but they were both ''ashamed'' and afraid of telling me. They also didn't share this with their parents. Ashley however couldn't keep the secret and told her mom and dad, who told Kyle's parents and later to mine as well. This all happened when Ashley was in her first trimester. By her second trimester all of my siblings, Kyle's and Ashley's siblings knew about this. Everyone, except for me. I simply cannot explain the way I felt. I was physically ill for the next 3 days and I couldn't speak to anyone. My parents were apologetic but explained that they didn't want to see me hurt or ruin everyone's relationship. I did not speak with Kyle or Ashley, although they bombarded my phone with messages and calls and also came to my house, I refused to see them. At one point Kyle's mom came to our house and my mom allowed her into my room. While I was lying in my bed still ill and just emotionally drained from the betrayal she tried to convince me to forgive them and how Ashley and the baby need me. I said nothing. 2 weeks later Ashley went into labor. I learned from my parents that she had a hard delivery, she lost a lot of blood and needed an emergency C-section. Kyle apparently was at the birth. I was distraught, inconsolable. Because of the betrayal by both, because I planned to be there and now physically and emotionally couldn't, because I was looking forward to this moment for months… soo many reasons. My older sister immediately went to the hospital to be with her boyfriend. My other siblings weren't at home, so I was left alone with my parents. All I wanted was to lay in my bed or cuddle in my bed with my mom and cry all my feelings out. My mom received a call from Ashley's mom. She came to my room and told me that she and dad were going to the hospital. I can was perplexed and asked her to stay with me. She said that Ashley's parents need all the support they can get and that we will discuss everything later. I tried to tell her not to go and that I also need their support, but she said not to be selfish and they left. I was left alone at the house and I just couldn't comprehend what happened in the last few weeks. I couldn't believe that my parent would go and support someone who hurt me so much, while I was also here suffering. Am I really selfish to think like that? I don't know when, but my sadness turned into rage, the kind I never experienced before. In a fit of combined emotions and feelings of betrayal, I started packing my bags and decided to leave home. It didn't take a while, but I started having second thoughts and just sat in the living room feeling empty. After a while, I received a text from my sister. The text said that Ashley gave birth to a healthy girl and that they were both okay. She attached a pic of the newborn and told me they named her Sarah (the name Ashley and I chose some month ago). She sent a second text a while later, telling me that my parents and she were going to join Ashley's and Kyle's parents in going to a bar in the town to celebrate. I don't remember much after that, I think I was just consumed by everything and my memory is very foggy. I left. I took a train and left. I stayed at a hostel in Phoenix for a while. I got a job at a store and planned to finish high school there. My parents, siblings, Kyle, and Ashley tried to contact me. My mom was sending me a panicked voice mail, demanding me to comeback. They also reported me as a missing person, but I don't think it went anywhere as I was 18. Anyway. Soon afterward I met Dean (21M). He also lived in Phoenix and had a complicated relationship with his family. We really connected and became friends soon. He helped me a lot at that time. I struggled. I had no idea how to take care of myself or how to, literally be an adult. He introduced me to his group of friends, helped me finish high school, I moved in with him and his friends. He helped me deal with my pain (I really struggled at one point and also had some regrets. I wanted to see a therapist, but I most definitely couldn't afford it). He was there for me and supported me through everything and I don't think I would have lasted long without him. We began dating after a year. He inherited some money from his grandpa and decided to move across the country to the big city. Although we weren't together for long, he asked me to go with him. I was a bit reluctant because we both had a lot of emotional baggage and I was still very insecure in my situation, but I did go. We moved, got jobs, and tried to survive. Soon after my 21 birthday, we decided to get married. It was a crazy, spontaneous decision, but we did it. I enrolled in university and Dean helped me pay for it. He himself opened a company, that took off and we were able to live more comfortably. I was in uni and also worked a part-time job to contribute. We had our ups and downs but somehow survived. After uni, I started working in his company and we slowly built it up. When I look back now, I don't think I was in love with Dean when we got married. I loved him, but I wasn't in love. But he was there for me, always, unconditionally and today I don't think I could love him more. He is the love of my life. We've been married for 12 years now and we have a two-year-old son and a six-month-old son. Sometimes I regretted leaving my family behind, but I just couldn't go back. It was very painful. I felt like my parent chose Ashley and Kyle over me. I did go to a therapist when I was 25 and tried to deal with my emotions. Last year, at the beginning of the pandemic I received an email from a 14-year-old girl named Evelyn. She explained that she was my niece (my older sister's and Kyle's brother's kid). She knew about me and wanted to meet me. Although I was reluctant to speak to her we did exchange some emails. Let me note that she did not know what transpired 15 years ago so the conversations were pretty innocent. We talked about her school, interest and she talked about my family (I learned I had 10 nieces and nephews). I also learned that Kyle married Ashley 4 years after I left and had 2 sons besides Sarah. My parents continued to have a friendship with Kyle's and Ashley's family and to me, it really felt like my family continued their normal life, despite me being gone. She tried to talk to me about what happened, but I didn't really think it was my place to explain things to her, so I simply said that relationships change and things happen in life that make us go our separate ways. We continued talking ever soo often for almost a year. In her email, this January she expressed how the pandemic had a big effect on her entire family and how my parents were struggling to keep their house and both my brothers lost their jobs and struggled to keep up with the cost. I was surprised at her knowledge of this as she was only 14, but the hardship was also causing tensions between her parents. I started to deal with a lot of guilty feelings and regrets, I also just had my baby so that was causing me lots of emotions. I talked to my husband and he was very supportive and told me that he would be there for me for whatever I decide. We are financially stable and the pandemic didn't have a great impact on our finances. We are not rich but are able to live comfortably. After learning some more details and talking with Dean, we decided to help my parent with their house. A week ago we flew back to my home state. I saw my family for the first time in 15 years. I had so many emotions, regrets, pains from the past, feelings of betrayal. My parent was, I think, relieved to see me. It was just such a weird day. We had a lengthy conversation and agreed to try and have some sort of cordial relationship. It's been so long and I am very awkward with them. Sometimes they feel like strangers. Dean and I spent a week there and we continued to have a conversation and I truly believed that we were on a path to having a friendly, yet distant relationship. But that my mom started insisting I have a sit-down conversation with Kyle and Ashley. She explained that she wants to go back to the way things were. I told her I refuse to talk to them. Although I moved on, I simply have no ties with them now and don't want to rehash anything with them. I told her I am prepared to try and establish a relationship with them as they are my family (and I truly came to care from my niece), but that I don't want anything to do with Kyle, Ashley, or their family. I never demanded them to cease their relationship with their friends, but I don't want one. Dean supports me. My mom called me selfishly and said that I simply must try and heal our relationship. I told her I will not negotiate and that it's on her to decide whether or not she wants to have a relationship with me. She said OK. But 2 days later I received a phone call from Kyle's mom (I did not give her my number) and she demanded, yes demanded, I talk with Kyle and Ashley as my return caused tensions in their relationship and their emotional health. I hung up. I called my mom and confronted her. Apparently, she gave that woman my number to heal our family bonds. I told her that she is choosing them over me again. She cried and yelled at me that I am selfish and that she just wants her family back. I hung up. It's been days since I spoke to any of them, although my mom and Kyle's mom keep on calling. Although I think I am right and I believe I should prioritize my well-being and the well-being and happiness of my husband (who has been behind me 100 % and even told my mom off) and my sons, I am starting to have some regrets. I don't know if I should listen to my mom and speak to Ashley and Kyle. I question whether I was overreacting 15 years ago. I am questioning whether I am truly being selfish for not actively trying to repair the relationship. I would really appreciate any advice or opinion on what to do in this situation. Suddenly I am questioning the entire course of my life. I am so lost and I don't know what to do. [Update - 2 years later](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12n198e/update_15_years_ago_my_then_18f_best_friend_18f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Apr 15, 2023** My gosh, it’s been 2 years since I posted this. A lot of people have been asking me for an update. First of all, I want to thank all of the wonderful people who have been sending me updates and lovely messages. I'm truly grateful. A lot of things have happened in the last few years – not all great. Without making these 100 pages long… I never mentioned my little sister in my original post. Her relationship with my parents went downhill after I left home, and she went no contact with them when she was 20. I received her number from our older sister and although it was awkward at first, it's been 15 years after all, we did start speaking again. She was very angry at me for leaving. A lot has happened in her life, and it wasn't the easiest. She has a toddler and a baby of her own and I have to say that the kids have helped us bond again. She's my best friend and we talk every day. As for my other siblings. I'm in regular contact with both my brothers, although we aren't close. My older sister and I have a good relationship now, but last year we've had a longer period of not speaking. As she is married to Kyle's brother it was hard for her to deal with all our and their family drama. We are cool now and I have a lovely relationship with my nieces and nephews. I didn't go to my niece's birthday party. It just seemed like it would be too hard for me. Now to my parents… This one is a little painful for me to write and at the time it felt like I was reliving all those shitty emotions I had at 18. My mom didn't let up with her pestering over me not talking with Kyle and Ashley. Her calls for that continued for months, even after I was home again. It bordered on emotional blackmail. She blamed me for not ''honoring her wishes'' for her friendship problems, and health problems and even accused me of keeping her grandbabies from her. Last June I had my daughter and it seems like that sent her completely over the rail. What I mean by that: 100+ calls a day, messages every 20 minutes to pester me about random things, sending me updates about people I never want to know about. When she started pestering Dean… I was done. I was afraid to block her, so I spoke to my father. This was probably the first time in the last 17 years that we had a true heart-to-heart conversation. I was emotionally drained, tired from caring for three children, and just over everything. I've probably poured all my feeling and emotions onto him. Idk what happened to them afterward, he doesn't speak much about it. Her calls slowly ceased and something else must have happened because in August he filed for a divorce. My father and I are in regular contact, although I don't think we'll ever be back to normal. Mom is devastated. In August her calls became insane and apparently not just with me. I've changed my number since then and as of February, she has not been able to reach me. I've been told by one of my brothers that she has problems with anxiety and depression, and lost a lot of friends. I don't really know whether or not she continues to have a relationship with Kyle and Ashley's family. I don't want to have anything to do with her anymore, nor do I want her near my kids. The things she's said to me, about me and about my husband, whom she really doesn't know, and after 15 years of no contact is crazy. Although I regret not having a mom I feel like trying and fighting to repair the little remnants of our relationship would be a waste of my emotional energy and just pure torture. As for Kyle and Ashley. I've received some calls from Kyle's mom as I mentioned in my original post. I blocked her and no other calls have been received from anyone. I really don't know what they are doing or where they are. I've had no contact with them. The only thing that really happened is that… in August when shit went downhill my BIL (Kyle's brother) brought me a letter apparently written by Ashley. I've not opened it and I really don't know if I want to. I feel like I've moved on from them, but on the other hand, I'm curious as to what she has to say after so many years. However, that in itself could bring back bad emotions. I'm doing okay now, with my babies and Dean, who is a real trooper in all of this. I'm trying to focus on my family, and I really hope that this is all behind me. To all of you… thank you, again. If anything, else happens I'll try to update sooner. ##NEW UPDATE [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA_MindlessMe/comments/13nw99e/thank_you_everyone_a_quick_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 21, 2023** Dear Everyone! I have no idea if anyone will see this, but... During the last few months since I posted my update, I have received many messages with advice and words of support. I have no way of thanking you but know that your words truly mean a lot to me. I try to reply to everyone, but it sometimes takes me a while. A lot of questions have been asked in these messages and I can't answer them all at this time. I plan on updating soon. Just to quickly answer the most common ones: • I have not read the letter yet. Soon after updating, I started therapy again and Dean and I decided that it would be best If I gave the letter to my therapist and let him decide when and if I am ever ready to read it. • I have not spoken to my mom since the update. I've received messages on Facebook from her and Ashley's mom (which is a first). The latter I didn't even read. I've since deactivated my Facebook for the time being. • Neither Kyle nor Ashley tried to contact me via any social media. The only thing I know is that Kyle was asking my BIL for my address or number, but BIL refused them. That's when Ashley gave him the letter. BIL is in no contact with his family atm. • They are separated as per my BIL, but he does not know whether they are divorced or not. • Last week my dad was in town (he does not know my address and has never been to my house). For the first time in almost 2 decades, we had an open, honest conversation. I have to admit it was a lot and I was not good for a few days afterwards. But it was necessary. I learned a lot about my mom ( a lot of you tried to imply there must have been something in her past to make her the way she is) and the time between them learning Ashley was pregnant and my return 2 years ago. It's a lot to unpack and I'll probably be in therapy for a long time. It's a lot really, so I'll have to write a separate update. • Also. My little sister. She was not at fault and I never blamed her for hiding the secret from me. She was a teen and she knew it was wrong, but she was put under a lot of pressure by our mom. After I left her life was hell and our mom was insufferable and blamed her for a lot of things. Again thank you for your words of support and encouragement. Lots of you sent words for Dean as well and he has read them. You are right, he is the best and I probably would not have been where I am today without him. Please appreciate your families (if they are there for you in good and bad of course). Call your parents and sibling and tell them how much you love them. In moments like this, we realize how much we undervalue the good people in our lives. Thank you and I hope you are all well! EC 💜 **OOP ADDED THIS JULY 12** [This Comment](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA_MindlessMe/comments/13nw99e/thank_you_everyone_a_quick_update/jrnb50g?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) Hello! She was never bullied before really, it started after she got pregnant. Our state is pretty conservative, so it wasn't well received that she was pregnant, unmarried, and without a partner. There was no physical violence, people were quite mean and kept reminding her of her mistakes. I don't know if people knew that he was the father, I always just assumed it was because she was pregnant. I've learned from my dad that apparently they weren't hooking up with each other before (but that could be a lie), but apparently she did like him, so it wasn't really just an awkward, drunk one-night stand with just anyone. Knowing this fact would probably kill me back then, but I sort of assumed without being told. Her ex suspected it. They didn't date anymore at the party, but I think he also never liked K, so seeing them together like that was a red flag. I wasn't a party animal, nor was she, but idk they just went that day. I don't remember if they went together or separately, but I'd assume the latter. She did have other friends after all, who enjoyed night outs. The drunkness part. I really don't remember them being that heavy drinkers. At least I never saw her drunk to the point that she was reckless or had a ''loss of memory''. So I never really believed that part much, but I wasn't there. And really it doesn't matter, drunk or not, it was a betrayal. I read some of Kyle's texts back then. I never answered any of the phone calls or anything. I never spoke to them after I learned that he was the father. I kinda regret that now, maybe it would have been more beneficial for everyone if I gave them a good earful, expressed all the pain, and gone no contact after that, but I just wasn't in the right state of mind and I was sick a lot back then. This current letter is from her and I haven't read it yet. At this point, I believe that my mom is grieving the lost of a tight family/friendship unit that we had when I was younger and some other relationship. She has yet to realize that none of HER five kids speak or see her. None of her grandchildren see her. None of us (as far as I know) speak to her. That in itself would be the end for me. I can't imagine what emotional state she must be in. We all agree that we need psychological or psychiatric help. She refused. Dad and eldest brother tried, but you can't convince someone like that. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12v2tbf/15_years_ago_my_then_18f_best_friend_18f_got/

12v2tbf

After 18 years of marriage, I just found out that my children aren't mine.

REPOST

\*\*I am NOT OP, this is a repost. Original post by [u/Throw-Away\_familife](https://www.reddit.com/u/Throw-Away_familife/) n [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/). \*\* [**After 18 years of marriage, I just found out that my children aren't mine.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ug3mj5/after_18_years_of_marriage_i_just_found_out_that/) **-** **May 01, 2022** My wife Kelly and I have known each other for over 20 years and have been married for 18 years. We have 17-year-old twins, a boy and a girl, and I found out that they aren’t mine 2 days ago. My kids were got those ancestry tests for the family and we found out that I am not their father. Kelly and I met each other as coworkers at a job right out of college. We both were very ambitious, so after working for a couple of years, we decided to start our own business. We fell in love, and a year after starting out business, we got married. A couple of months into marriage, we had a massive fight over the direction we wanted to take our business in, and I left our home. She came to me a couple of weeks later, and we compromised. We’ve been inseparable ever since. Kelly got pregnant around that time. We’ve been through thick and thin; our business has been through several hardships but we weathered them together. We were always there for each other; we could always depend on each other. I loved her so much. She was a part of me and I couldn’t even imagine a life without her. I trusted her absolutely until this happened. Kelly has been crying and apologizing constantly. She told me that during the time we had that fight at the start of our marriage, she got drunk one night and slept with a random guy, and that she has not cheated on me since. The betrayal has left me disoriented. I told Kelly I needed time to process this and I’m currently staying at a hotel. I don’t know what I’m even doing anymore – the last two days have been a blur. I feel like a zombie, completely unable to feel or process anything. I don’t intend to abandon my kids – I might not be their father, but I’m still their dad and I love them dearly. Right now, I’m sitting on my hotel bed and I have not eaten anything today. My thoughts are a mess, so I’m writing this down to help me process. Kelly has always been a great wife and an excellent business partner. I don’t know if I’ll be able to look at her the same again or if I’ll be the same person again. I don’t know how to move forward. [**UPDATE - After 18 years of marriage, I just found out that my children aren't mine.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ukhvgg/update_after_18_years_of_marriage_i_just_found/) \- **May 07, 2022** Thank you for the overwhelming response I got on my post. I just wrote it down to clear my head and get my thoughts in order. The day after my post, I called my children and told them I loved them. They were scared that I might leave them. I told them that they're still my children even though I'm not their biological father and that I won't be abandoning them. I just needed to think about my relationship with their mother. I saw several comments telling me that they're not my children because they don't have my DNA, but it matters very little to me. I raised them and they're my children. I spent thinking about how to move forward with Kelly after that. I was angry that she hid the fact that she slept with someone else after we got married. I calmed down and really thought about the whole situation. I really wanted to call my lawyer to talk about separation but I kept thinking about our life together, so I decided to talk to Kelly and give her a chance. I called her and went back home the next day. My kids were thrilled to see me and we spent some time together. Kelly and I went up to our room after that. I didn't speak to her properly since we saw the results. I gave her time to talk. Kelly told me that it had never even occurred to her that the kids couldn't be mine. She told me that when we had the fight early in our marriage, she was angry at me leaving over a business dispute and after waiting for me to return, she went to a bar one day and got wasted. She picked up some guy and didn't remember much that happened that night. The guy was gone before she woke up the next day and she felt extremely guilty after that. She wanted to tell me but was afraid that I would leave her. To be fair, I was a hot headed and stubborn guy back then, so I probably would've filed for a divorce without a second thought. To her, it was drunken mistake that would never come out, so she didn't want to risk our marriage. And I would've never found out about it if she didn't get pregnant that night. She broke down multiple times and apologised constantly throughout the conversation. I believe her story. Kelly has been my rock and partner throughout my life and I wouldn't be where I am today without her. We trusted each other absolutely. This ordeal has made a massive dent in my belief in her as a wife, but I still trust her as a partner. We had long conversations about our future and I told her I was willing to give us a chance. I made it clear that we might not succeed and I might leave, but I was willing to try. I assured my children that no matter what happened with my marriage, I would always love them and be their father. We decided to give marriage counselling a try. My wife asked a therapist friend of hers and she recommended a counsellor. We have appointments starting next week. \[**Edit: OOP made an update comment and DMed me to add it to the post.** (For some reason, it is not showing up in the comments under the post, but you can see it in [his profile](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throw-Away_familife))\] As a lurker on this sub, it feels weird seeing my story posted here. It was a hassle logging back into this throwaway account after a year, but I wanted to post an update and advise that might be useful for people in similar situations. We are still together. Our relationship has been mended - I wont say its like before because it never will be, but we are in a very good place. Getting to this place wasn't easy - there were days that I felt like I was wasting my time because I couldn't trust her anymore. But Kelly was very patient with me. Therapy helped immensely. Whenever I felt like giving up, my children were my motivation to keep trying. It was a difficult journey, but I am incredibly lucky that I was able to mend my relationship. This is my advise - You are not obligated to try and fix your relationship if you feel that it has been irrevocably damaged. I decided to try because I loved my wife deeply and trusted that she was telling the truth. We had been through so much, both in business and in our relationship, and I knew I had to at least try to save it. Even after you try, you will most likely fail and thats okay. Also remember that people will judge. I made the original post to organize my thoughts, and I had people calling me a cuck and p\*ssy even a year later. I don't care about that, but you might. \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

Vctoria_R

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12vchgv/after_18_years_of_marriage_i_just_found_out_that/

12vchgv

(New Update; I'm OOP) My(f17) parents are pulling me out of dance because it's causing dad to "stumble in his walk with God"

NEW UPDATE

**Hi. I'm OOP**, and I asked a moderator if I was allowed to post here because a lot of the advice I received came from people in this subreddit who reached out including college advisors and other helpful parents, and I can't say how thankful I am for all the advice. Posting has helped me cope when things were be tough at home, and it has really helped my mental health to hear others say I'm not crazy when my parents blame me for everything. [u/ThrowRA3837374](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRA3837374) originally asked for my permission to share my posts here, and it helped in case my parents took away my phone because I often read the replies when I'm feeling down, and I didn't want them to delete them. I want to share my most recent update here so that I can directly reply to anyone because I'm backed up on replying to my inbox, and I'm sorry for not being able to reply to everyone there. **My 6th most-recent update can be found at the bottom** TW: >!Sexual abuse!< Mood: >!Frustrating still!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/o83xp1/myf15_parents_are_pulling_me_out_of_dance_because/): June 26th, 2021 My parents and I were talking about my sweet-sixteen plans for the past couple of weeks leading up to what happened, but it wasn't about dance in the beginning. My parents aren't vaccinated and they don't believe in getting flu shots either, and they also didn't believe that covid was real when it happened. My parents are very religious, and while our church moved to online services in the beginning of last year, they went back to in-person services that were open-air within a few weeks, but people didn't seem to socially distance afterwards despite the chairs being separated from other people Why do I bring that up? Because my parents would bring up my sweet-sixteen and how I wouldn't have one if I wanted to get vaccinated despite how many times I told them it was unrelated, but they said they didn't care because it was "their money" and that "they didn't have to do anything for me" in throwing me a party because it was a "privilege", along with how getting vaccinated "wasn't putting our trust in God" and how the virus was just a "tool that Democrats used against the 45th", and we argued a lot about how my party had nothing to do with their beliefs, but they kept holding it over me until they eventually said I wouldn't have one, but they've been angry with me ever since I voiced my opinion, and them taking me out of dance is the latest thing they've done Every so often, they will sit me and my sister down for a talk on a quarterly basis to talk about whatever regarding the family, and I really hate these talks because it's just them telling us their opinions and things like that, along with new rules that they'll sometimes have. However, in their last talk, they talked to me without my sister and told me that my current semester in dance and gymnastics will be my last one, and they pointed to what they taught me about purity as to why Mom said that women are supposed to be "honorable to God and themselves with their bodies" by not showing too much and stuff like that, and in the past, she's been really controlling with what we wear. No shorts or two-piece bathing suits when we go to the beach or pool, but in regards to the conversation, dad said that he "felt led" to address dance and gymnastics, and that "as I grew nearer to adulthood", I needed to start thinking differently too. And when I asked him what he meant, he said that he felt "challenged" being in the gym environment in his walk with God, and that he felt God telling him to address it. But I told him that that has nothing to do with me, but he kept pointing to purity and how mom agreed with him too and said it was a "big thing" for him to address it, but it has nothing to do with me, and they've been treating me like crap ever since I told them that I want to get vaccinated and wear a mask... something that they've refused to do and still do, and I'm now losing dance right after my party, but they just won't listen to me. I told dad that mom can drive me or one of my friends, and I even told my grandma about it who talked to them about it, but dad yelled at me for "going behind his back" and for being "disrespectful" by going to his mom, and I just feel like I'm losing more privileges the older I get, and I don't know what to do to make them stop. Is there anything I can do to at least let them have me continue dance, since I can't talk to anyone else because I'll just get yelled at again [First Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/oj1xzw/update_myf15_parents_are_pulling_me_out_of_dance/): July 12th, 2021 When I talked to them again, they said that they would help me keep some of my friends if I was respectful and that it's a privilege and that they don't have to drive me. But when they bought up how I was wrong to tell grandma, mom said that we should "build each other up" as Christians and not the opposite by talking about people, and she said that we're "supposed to help each other in their walk", but after they said that, they gave me some other options Dad said that he wanted me to still play sports and try something else, but that I couldn't do dance or gymnastics or swimming or cheerleading, and mom said the verse about not conforming to the world and that "the world tries to tell you to show too much", but we are supposed to be different because of God, and dad said that he turns away from commercials that are like that too, but I've seen him not turn on many commercials too. When I asked mom what that had to do with me, she said that the uniforms I wore in dance were inappropriate and that I should be "thankful" that they let me do it at all, but dad said that's why he doesn't watch olympic gymnastics either, but I told him again that it has nothing to do with me Since our first talk, dad has not been back to the studio, but he still won't let me continue after classes end. He also doesn't want me talking to grandma either, and mom has not allowed me to go over to her anymore. I haven't told my coach yet, but I plan to before classes end, and I don't think I'm going to tell my friends since I might still be allowed to hang out with them. But if they find out that I told anyone else, mom said I would get punished because they "already told me once" after talking to grandma, and as someone commented in my first post, a coach might have to tell, and I don't want to get punished after they already said I would. Is there anyone I can tell who doesn't have to tell them but can still help me? My sister does dance too, but they're not making her stop, and I think it's because she's younger, but I hate it so much and how I'm the only one who gets punished... not that she should, but it's just not fair. I'm going to tell my coach, but I don't want to be punished and I want to ask if there's anyone who doesn't have to tell them, since if I tell my doctor, they may tell my parents because they're paying for it, and I don't know if they have to tell them [Second Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/ovyb72/last_update_myf15_parents_are_pulling_me_out_of/): August 1st, 2021 Since my last update, I talked to my coach, and I also had a chance to think about everything more. Before I get to her, I want to talk about dad and what I now think of the whole situation. When dad talked to me, mom said he was doing a "big thing", but he hasn't done anything to work on himself, and I want to explain what I mean. When mom took my sister to gym without him, he stayed home and watched TV, and he hasn't seen a therapist or anyone in church about it; he said that no one outside our family should know about it. As part of "working on himself", he said that he wouldn't watch olympic gymnastics/swimming this year, and he wouldn't go to the gym for 2 weeks while he's "fasting". But as of right now, he's been back at the gym, which is why I decided to talk to my coach When dad first talked to me, I didn't know what "challenged" meant, but after our follow-up talk about how I can't do sports that require a similar uniform to gymnastics, it made more sense, and I want to explain why. If dad was feeling challenged by one of my classmates or instructors, he would've let me continue gymnastics and just move to a different gym, but because he didn't want "me" doing dance or swimming or gymnastics because of the uniforms, I began to think that it was me who challenged him, and that is what I talked to my coach about too. I didn't want to think it was me, and I kept telling myself that it wasn't in my mind, but if it was a friend or a teacher, we'd just switch gyms. But because he didn't want me doing gymnastics or swimming or dance anymore... it wasn't a gym thing, and I didn't want to believe it. He could've had mom drive me permanently if he was feeling "challenged" and always stay home, but even me getting dressed at home could "challenge" him, and that made me scared about something else Given how dad isn't watching olympic gymnastics/swimming, I began to feel uncomfortable with him having sports pictures of me through the years, and now that his 2-weeks of fasting at home is done, he's back at the same gym watching my sister's practices, and that also made me believe that it had everything to do with me. I hate writing that, and it makes me feel horrible when I think about it at home. I don't want him having pictures if he sees me like that, and I don't want him at the gym for my sister either, and my coach said that she would talk to the head coach about it, and I could barely make it through that practice because I couldn't get it off of my mind. I'm scared that dad gets off to me with old pictures, and grandma also told others in the family about whatever she and dad talked about, and dad's mad at me because now it's "a thing" in extended family. He's been to one practice since his 2-week fast, and my coach said that she would have a follow-up with me at my next class, but she also told me that she may have to talk to them or authorities after talking to our head coach, and we're going to talk again at our next practice That's basically it; dad is upset that the family knows, but he hasn't told me anything about calls or anything else, and I don't think I'll know until I see them for the holidays. I don't know what will happen when I talk to my coach again, but she agreed that dad shouldn't be at the gym, and she said that the head coach might talk to my parents before our follow-up, if they weren't talked to already when dad went to my sister's practice for the first time since his fast. Dad's been really upset with the family stuff, and I wouldn't be surprised if he got talked-to by the head coach and didn't tell me yet, but he said that we're going to talk again soon, and I wanted to write this because I'm afraid that I'll lose privileges or maybe my phone, and talking here has been really helpful when I can't talk to grandma or anyone else, and I don't want to lose that. That's why I wrote this now because I don't know what privileges I'll lose. I should delete this, but I don't want to because I have no one else to really talk to. I thought about showing them, but that'll definitely make things worse. I know I'm probably getting punished, but I want to ask if there's anything I can do before that happens, before we talk again about extended family now knowing, and most definitely if/when the head coach talks to them too. Is there anything I can do to just let this die down? I don't even care about gymnastics anymore; I just don't feel comfortable around him anymore, and I'm also afraid that the same will happen with my sister if it hasn't happened already. Is there anything I can do or plan to do after we talk and after I get maybe punished? [Third Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/pp0owt/final_update_myf15_parents_are_pulling_me_out_of/): September 15, 2021 When I made my first post about three months ago, my sweet sixteen party was one of the main points, but in the aftermath of everything that's happened with gymnastics, I really couldn't care less about it and was rather glad that it didn't happen, given all the extra baggage that came with the party surrounding the vaccine and their religious views on it. However, as of writing this, I am now 16. There was no party, and I honestly don't mind. My mind has been on other things, and I told my parents that I didn't want to celebrate either, since I'd be losing my friends from gymnastics, and as punishment, they wouldn't be allowed to come because I told grandma. However, the main reason why dad wanted to talk to me last time, was because grandma told his family what I told her, and now more people knew about it too. Dad said he received calls from other people about it too, and that made him want to talk to me again, since he said that it could "ruin his job" too When I made my last post, many people encouraged me to call my grandma and inform her about how I was punished for reaching out to her, and a few even encouraged me to ask her to help me call CPS too. I waited until my parents went to sleep to call her because they have a habit of standing outside my door if they hear me talking on the phone recently, but because of the time that they went to bed when I called her, it was almost midnight and I couldn't get through to her. I called her numerous times, but I just couldn't get through. I didn't feel comfortable calling CPS on my own, and I didn't want to explain it by myself without talking to anyone, but I was able to call my aunt (on my dad's side), and talk to her. I didn't want to have to tell her the entire thing from the beginning, but she said she already knew because grandma had told her, but she didn't know about how I was punished for telling her and that I was scared about our call tomorrow. I also told her how I had to hide that I was talking to her, but when I mentioned CPS and wanting her help to call them, she told me that grandma told dad that she would call CPS if he followed through on removing me from gymnastics, but that she wasn't sure if she actually called them or not. I assume that that was probably a part of what they were arguing about, but auntie said that she's not sure if grandma would actually call on him despite wanting to or thinking she could convince him. So, auntie said that she would call them for me because I didn't want to talk to them, and I was afraid of my parents hearing me and coming down to ask who I was talking to When my parents talked to me the next day, they talked about grandma and some things I didn't know. Mom said that someone in dad's family messaged one of her relatives who called her about it, so now someone on her side of the family knows too. And despite the issue with me telling grandma already being handled weeks ago, they were upset that more people besides grandma knew and said that it was stressful for them. When I asked if I was going to get punished for it, dad said that I wasn't going to finish the rest of my class, but in regards to my phone, he didn't take it away from me. When I asked him about my friends and when I could see them again, he said that that "wasn't important" right now and that my sister won't be going back to her classes either, but he didn't say whether or not one of the coaches talked to them or anything, and I don't know as of right now. Mom also said that her parents were pretty upset when they talked to her, but because of the stress, dad would be taking some time away from work and staying with his brother to work out some things, but he didn't tell me specifics or for how long. Mom said it'd be temporary and that he would still be here some of the time, and she also said that her parents might try to visit her as well although she told them that she doesn't want them over. However, as of writing this, dad has been home a little bit here and there, but he's also spent time at his brother's and sometimes overnight, which is why it's been slightly peaceful at times I'm not sure when CPS called them, but the day after we talked, mom told me that she received a call from CPS, and dad thought that I had called or told someone else. I told him that I didn't and that I didn't know who called, but he didn't seem to believe me, although he hasn't bothered me much about it since. However, mom has been talking on the phone about it at home, and when I was able to talk to my aunt again, she said that she might've been getting advice or something. But since they called, mom has been upset ever since dad started going over to his brother's. She'll get on me for small things, and I feel like she's just taking out her frustration on me whenever she can, usually yelling and just not talking to me sometimes. My sister, on the other hand, hasn't talked to me much either since she got pulled out of gym, and I think she's holding it against me that she was removed. She's given me short answers and has avoided me some, and while it's been quieter for a little bit without dad, mom said that he'll be coming back soon permanently, and I'm afraid that things will go back to the way they were when he does After mom told me about the CPS call, I told my aunt about it, and she suggested calling CPS on my own since my phone wasn't taken away and in case she missed anything. She also said it'd be better to call before a potential visit in case my parents don't let them in or try to tell me not to say anything. I didn't want to call without her, but she was right when she said suggested that mom might not let them in because that is what she did. However, nothing has happened even after I called or they visited, or at least nothing that I'm aware of. I've talked to my aunt about trying to stay with her closer to when dad returns, but as I'm back in school now, I'm considering talking to a teacher, since I couldn't a few weeks ago when school was out. But I feel like there's a lot they're not telling me, and I don't know if there's anything they can or will actually do, since dad hasn't done anything besides say a lot of things, and he's never touched me or anything like that. He's also allowing me to do sports, but not the three ones that I mentioned, and because he hasn't done anything, I don't know what to do from here. Mom's upset at me, and my sister is upset at me too. My dad is really stressed, and I'm having a hard time focusing on school too. I'm sorry for this being so long, but I just want to ask if it's worth it to call them again, since I'm afraid that because it's all verbal, they won't do anything unless I'm just not aware of them of them working on it [Fourth Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrathem22/comments/ust8a9/8_months_later_myf16_parents_are_pulling_me_out/): May 18th, 2022 I really don't feel like retyping my last 3 updates, so I'll just leave a link to it ([https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents/comments/pp0plt/final\_update\_myf15\_parents\_are\_pulling\_me\_out\_of/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents/comments/pp0plt/final_update_myf15_parents_are_pulling_me_out_of/)). I didn't plan to make any more posts, but something happened recently that's been annoying after I found some peace. It's been a few months, and I talked to a teacher about what happened and she said that she would have to report it as part of her job, but nothing really happened despite my aunt saying that they might call CPS as she did. But besides that, nothing much has happened besides talking to my teacher from time to time as things had quieted down until recently. My younger sister has been allowed to go to her practices after dad took a 2-week fasting break from attending (along with telling me that I couldn't do it at my age anymore) so that he could "work on himself", but not seek therapy at all. He just stayed home and didn't even talk to a church therapist and said he wasn't watching the olympic gymnastics as "fasting", and then in 2-weeks, he was back at the gym again. However, this post is not about that A few people suggested trying to keep up my skills by practicing at home, and I began to do that after my parents went to bed downstairs in the garage where we have some space, and I'm always downstairs after they go to bed and had been doing this for a few weeks. However, my mom came downstairs randomly and saw me practicing when she went to get laundry from the boiler room. I had headphones on and wasn't bothering anyone, but mom said I'm "not allowed downstairs after she goes to bed", and when I asked her why, she said that I was being "disobedient" and that when dad said stop, he meant stop gymnastics entirely and "not going behind his back". I told her that I could try to practice in my room although it was a little small, but she made the new rule, and I can't stand it. Even when I go down to get a drink, she'll hear my footsteps on the stairs and get up to come down and tell me to go back up (a few times), and I haven't been able to practice in over a week after finding a way to do it for the past few (we have a mini-beam in the garage too). She also told dad who yelled at me about it, but I'm at the point of just about being done with gymnastics (again) after the nonsense with the gym. Mom has even put up a camera in the living room that goes to her phone after we talked, and that is what made me want to write this. Yes, I could try to practice outside or at a park, but I'm just tired of all of it and want to ask how to deal with the camera. My aunt has talked to my parents a few times, but they got into an argument and they don't want me talking to her. I also told my teacher who said that she'd report it, but nothing has happened and I'm just tired, and I regret trying to practice in the garage because mom said that the camera isn't leaving and that I'll get punished if I do anything to it. But, she never said anything about not practicing at home until that one night when she made that rule. I'm sorry if I'm posting way too much, but if I can get the camera removed (apologizing didn't work), I'll just lay low... although mom pulled that rule out of her behind as if I was supposed to magically guess it [Fifth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/10ffr0o/now_17yo_myf17_parents_are_pulling_me_out_of/): January 18th, 2023 I'm 17 now, and a lot of people who reached out really helped a lot mentally on previous posts. Parents recently talked to me about college and explained how dad's fasting has become a "testimony" which makes no sense One of the main reasons I came back to this was because a lot of people reached out in my other posts, and I can't stress how helpful it's been. I talked to my aunt and my teacher at school as mentioned in my previous post. Auntie said she called CPS, and my teacher said she was required to report on it too. But as I said in my last post, nothing came from it. A lot of people said to call CPS myself too, but others said it wouldn't do anything because dad hadn't done anything to make CPS get involved. I also didn't want to call at my home because they could overhear me, so I called with the same teacher I spoke to at school. But that was a few months back, and nothing has happened since. I told them about the fasting and bullet points from my posts, but nothing came from it. However, some of the people who commented/messaged on my posts really helped my stress, and I can't stress that enough. I was really stressed when I made my first post, but hearing others say I wasn't crazy really helped because there were so many emotions going on. Someone even messaged to ask if they could summarize my post on a subreddit that archived posts ([r/BestofRedditorUpdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/)) in case my parents found my account/took my phone, and revisiting some comments has honestly helped on days I've felt down In regards to mom's cameras, she still has them up, and I haven't practiced gymnastics in months. I'm honestly done with it and don't know if I'll return. I also wanted to get a job last summer, but they said I didn't deserve it with how I was acting, and by that I mean asking dad to keep explaining why I couldn't do gymnastics along with trying to practice skills at home... only for him to make up some nonsense about how I wasn't allowed to do that too after mom caught me practicing in the garage and told him. I hope to work this summer, and it's been a few months since then. I'm not getting my hopes up, but I hope I can. The reason I'm posting today is because of a conversation we had surrounding college, and they wanted to talk to me. They said they wouldn't consider letting me go unless I showed respect, and they also talked about the gymnastics thing again when they said they didn't want me doing it in college. I talked about college a little in my previous posts, but they flip flop on "you're not going" and "we'll think about it" depending on their mood/my behavior and trying to hold it over me Dad said he wanted to explain his fasting again because it had something to do with college gymnastics. As of right now, my sister is still in gym, and he pointed to the scripture about how we're "supposed to be in the world but not of the world" (John 17:11, 14–15) to explain why he returned to the gym after fasting. He said that God put us in a world with temptation because it allowed God to show his power through us and give us testimonies, and he said that his struggle was a testimony too... but it makes no sense because he punished me for venting to auntie way back and didn't want anyone else to know (what's a testimony that you don't tell people?). That's why he fasted and went back to the gym that was making him stumble, and he said that fasting attending for 2 weeks "gave him new strategies" for when he returned, but he didn't say what they were when I asked. When I asked why he had to go back at all, he said it was because my sister was younger and that she'd also find a new sport as she grew older and her body began to change. Mom said that the uniforms became "more" inappropriate for girls as they grew, but that they were "also" inappropriate when they were younger and making dad stumble currently. It makes no sense, and they're talking from both sides I want to go to college and I'm considering sucking up to do so, and they've been back and fourth about letting me go and flip flop a lot. But part of me thinks it might be better to just focus on moving out as some suggested without college as soon as possible. If I do college with their money, they'll be super controlling about it. Heck, they're trying to control me not doing gymnastics in college already, but I just threw that out there because it's not likely when I'll be rusty of over two years of not practicing until I turn 18, so it's not realistic that I'd be in any shape to make a team. But that's where I'm at, just trying to focus on moving out, but I do get depressed over having to give up gymnastics for nothing I did wrong, and I want to talk to someone about it one day like a professional outside of school. It just might be awhile until I turn 18 and longer if I don't have a job before then, but talking to many who reached out here has really helped mentally, and I wanted to say thanks for that. I'm also open to any suggestions on my plans or anything else I said from an outside perspective too [Sixth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/12osiy7/5th_update_myf17_parents_are_pulling_me_out_of/): April 16th, 2023 **(New Update)** With almost every post, a lot of people reach out, and a few who worked in colleges messaged me with helpful advice on my last post. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to reply to everyone, but I tried to reply especially to those who worked in colleges (some counselors) and parents with advice too. A lot of the advice I received came from [r/BestofRedditorUpdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/) thanks to who asked [u/ThrowRA3837374](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRA3837374) for permission to share, and I was fine with it in case my parents took my phone or found my account. I want to make this post about my sister as my last few have been about me, but I first want to answer some questions that are most often in my messages I keep getting told that I haven't called CPS enough, so I want to clarify how many times I've called. I was 15 when I made my first post, and I was advised to tell a teacher about dad. I've talked to this teacher a lot since then, and she called when I was 15. My aunt also called CPS when I was 15ish, and I was advised to call myself. I called at 15 & 16 numerous times, and my aunt has too. **I think we probably called CPS about 7 or 8 times between me, my aunt, and my teacher, and nothing has happened because dad never touched me, and people have explained that he hasn't technically done anything illegal either**. I also told everything I mentioned in my posts, and I believe it'll help with keeping a paper trail in case he escalates as others have advised But to answer another question, I'll turn 18 in the summer. I hope to work my first job then, but my parents have refused to give me the papers I need to work because there's "no need" whenever I ask. However, they said that they would at 18, but I don't believe them. I've been told that I can get my own papers (maybe before 18), but they're really strict on when I leave the home, and they have tracking on my phone along with other parental controls. I've been punished for trying to get around them before (not hitting, but loss of privileges/taking my phone), so I try to be careful. They said my parental controls would leave at 18. But, again, I don't believe them and plan to get my own phone upon getting a job I doubt I'll have enough to move out with my first part-time job (or two), and I asked my aunt if I could stay with her before. She wasn't able to before I was 18, and some people said it's because I'm a minor and **have no grounds for emancipation because dad hasn't done anything illegal**. If CPS was gonna help, it would've been when I was 15 and called. As I'm turning 18 soon, I understand I'm no longer a priority age. I can only talk to my aunt outside my home which is really limiting. My parents have a habit of trying to listen if they hear me talking on the phone at home, and that's not considering the other rooms that have cameras recording too I talked to my sister because I feel like I'm running out of time to make a connection with her. Ever since I was taken out of gymnastics/punished, she's been distant, and my parents protect her a lot. I only talk to her when they aren't around/busy because there's cameras in other rooms, but she still doesn't tell me much. Dad originally told her that she would be taken out of gymnastics, but he recently changed his stance. **He said she'll be allowed to continue gymnastics thanks to his "new strategies"** (after fasting attending the gym for 2 weeks) that allow him to be at the gym. But when I asked why I couldn't go back, he said it was "best if I moved on" But when I asked if he'd be "challenged" if he had a son who did gymnastics, he pointed to how I'm not allowed to watch male gymnastics either (during the olympics) because "only horny 12 year old girls watch it", and it "wasn't good to look at". But when I asked why he had to go specifically, he said it was like Jesus when he went into the desert to be tempted by Satan to test his faith (Matthew 4:1-11), and he said that the gym was his desert to overcome. He emphasized that Jesus "went into the desert to make a point". He also said that Jesus didn't run away from the desert, but "stayed there to set an example for Christians on how to overcome temptation", and that was why he had to go to the gym. He also referred to the scripture about "be in the world, but not of the world" when explaining why it was "wrong to run from his challenge because God uses people's weakness to glorify him". But when I asked why I couldn't go back if he had overcome his temptation, he said it was because I needed to move on which contradicts everything he said. He also said he didn't want to hear to hear me complain about being removed anymore I want to make the last part of this about my sister. I mentioned she's been distant in recent posts, and she's been distant towards me for a long time. They don't want me talking to her, and they get upset if they see me alone with her whether that's eating downstairs or anything. The most recent time I talked to her was last week, and that was because dad wasn't home and mom was busy doing something else (dad has weeknight church meetings/Bible study). I asked how she felt about dad letting her continue gymnastics, and she said she was happy to continue. But when I asked if she wanted to open up about what he said, she didn't want to, so I didn't push her I asked if I could tell her about what he told me, and she said it was fine, so I told her about the desert comparison. When I asked if he gave her that comparison, she said he didn't. But when I asked if everything else was alright, she only said that dad sometimes asked her some weird things. But when I asked what they were, she wouldn't tell me. I asked if he ever did anything to make her uncomfortable, but she said he didn't and didn't give me specifics. I don't know what weird things she referred to, and I don't know if she'll tell me. I want to be able to help her, but she didn't tell me much in regards to specifics I've honestly been troubled about what weird things he could be asking/telling her, but I don't know the right time/way to approach it. My fear is that he could try to take advantage of her because she's younger, but I have no proof of that. That's only main fear, and he's never touched me before. I won't be able to move out the day I turn 18 or probably soon after because I haven't heard back from jobs I've applied to, and I've tried applying for lots. I have no work experience because they wouldn't let me work, and I'm still trying to get the papers my parents won't give me. I'll take whatever work I can get, and if it's two part-time jobs to get close to 40 hours, I'll do it I want to help her while I'm still here because it'll probably be harder once I move out. However, I'm worried about pressing her too much when she barely talks to me as is. I want to ask for advice on how to help her if I can at all. She has so many more years to deal with him, but I can't help but feel worried about whatever weird things he's asking. I don't know if she'll tell me or if I should pry, so I want to ask for advice

throwrathem22

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12vun8r/new_update_im_oop_myf17_parents_are_pulling_me/

12vun8r

AITAH for not wanting to contact my son after he was the one who abandoned me?

CONCLUDED

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Silly_Struggle2528 **AITAH for not wanting to contact my son after he was the one who abandoned me?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12jmkq6/aitah_for_not_wanting_to_contact_my_son_after_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) **Apr 12, 2023** I (45F) have a son from my previous marriage. I got pregnant way too young at the age of 20 from my high school sweetheart, David (45M). We got married at the age of 22 after we graduated college. David was rich, he didn't want me to work so I was just a housewife. My son was the apple of my eye. I gave everything to him. He was my world. He and I were really close and I never had a doubt in my mind that I would not be alone in this world as long as I have him. That is until 10 years ago, I found out that my husband was cheating on me with a young colleague of his. And what is worse my 15 year old son knew about it. He hid the affair from me. Imagine how broken I was. I was betrayed by 2 people I care most in this world. I asked him why he did that? Why he hurt me? His response was that, his dad told him not to. He bought him gifts to keep his mouth shut. And having a young step-mom made him popular amongst kids. I was totally blindsided when I learned my husband took my little boy to meet that woman. They made excuses that they went on a ski trip and they took his mistress with them. I felt like a fool at that time. In the divorce ruling, my son chose my ex over me. I was heart broken. My son didn't even want to visit me after it was all done. I even tried to reach out to him once he turned 18. But he just refused. At that point I gave up and went on with my life. I would still get sad over the years wondering how he was doing. I did move on and met someone who is a single father of 2 girls. I married him and few days after our wedding I got pregnant again. The pregnancy was a nightmare. I wanted to meet my son and tell him he is going to be a brother to a baby girl. The labor was painful. I almost died on the spot after giving birth to my daughter. I still wanted to meet my son. But I knew he did not want to see me so I just gave up the idea. Over the years, the memories of him just became vague as I immersed myself into my new family. A week ago, I got a series of messages from him on my facebook. He said that he missed me a lot and wants to meet up with me. It took me by surprise. Over the last 10 years he has not contacted me now he wants to see me? Why? I have been going over every possible reason. The worst part is that I do not feel excited about it. As a mother I know I should be over the moon but I am not. My parents and husband know that. They have been pushing me to meet him. They say I need closure after all he is my son. But I don't know if I want to re-live the same trauma, So am I wrong? Edit: I am sorry for the mistake in my title. I wrote 'she' instead of 'he'. Edit: Wow I never thought it would get this amount of response. But thanks. I will give an official update on this. But now I am in conflict. If I do meet him, I won't call him to my house. Maybe a public place. I am not sure if he wants something but I will be cautious of that **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >I checked his social media last time 5 years ago. The last post I saw was with his step-mother and the caption said, "To the best mom in this world". I felt heart broken. I scrolled through his feed. There was no mention of me. As if I never existed in his life. xxx >I didn't do anything. I didn't bad mouth him or pushed him. He made this decision on his own xxx >The thing is as a mother I should be thrilled. But I am not. I am afraid he will act nice and then next thing I know he is out of my life again leaving me cold [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12offk3/updateaitah_for_not_wanting_to_contact_my_son/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Apr 16, 2023** A lot of you have been requesting me for an update. I finally met my son after so many years. He was not a boy anymore. He was a man. He looked taller than I remember. So anyways, I will give an update. I read your comments. Some of you gave me some good suggestions. I prepared myself for any possible outcome. He could be there to meet me and tell me about his life or maybe reconcile. Or maybe he wants something. Regardless of what it is I am keeping my guards up. I asked him to meet me in a public park. I asked my husband to be somewhere near so he could see me. My son came 5 minutes after I arrived. He was all grown up. I won’t lie, I wanted to cry at that spot but held my composure. He said hi to me and I smiled. I commented that he has grown up and looks really nice. He just nodded. We sat down and it was silent. I was expecting him to say something at first but I finally asked what he was up to these days. He told me he is doing fine. He just finished college and is going to apply for grad school. I said that is great. Then it was awkward silence again. He broke the silence and said “You must be wondering why I contacted you.” I replied “For 10 years you haven’t tried to contact me but why now? I cannot help but wonder why you are trying to contact me when you told me years ago you don’t want me near you because I embarrass you.” His face got serious and he said “I know that but I need something from you.” A lot of you suggested he must be here to ask me for money. Well you guys were right. He asked me for money and the amount was 20k. He said he needed the money because he wants to go to law school and his father can’t afford it because he lost a lot of his money a few years ago due to a loss on his business and his company was bankrupt. He also had 3 more kids with his mistress-wife. That’s why they do not have money for him to go to grad school. It just sank my heart. After 10 years I was finally meeting him, I was hoping that we could reconcile and he would understand what I have been through or maybe my husband was lying to him. But no, he just wants money from me. I told him I cannot give him money, not such a huge amount. He got defensive and kept saying why not? And then he asked “Is this about dad’s affair? Geez, when will you get over it?” I asked him “why do you hate me? What have I done to deserve your hatred? Have I ever raised my voice? Have I ever hit you or said no to you? Then why? You always pushed me away when I tried to get closer to you? Why and what did I do to deserve it.” He took a deep breath and said “You don’t understand mom. You really expected me to come with you? You had nothing. At least my dad could afford the lifestyle I wanted and my friends actually like Carla (his step-mom). Everything was fine until you discovered his affair and my deal with dad. I get it you didn’t hit me or scold me but you were not able to afford the life I wanted.” I asked him if he really thinks his father’s affair was actually the best way for any of us. I sacrificed a lot for him and yet he chose someone who he only met when he was 14. He said he doesn’t want to talk about that because it was so many years ago and I should just drop it. I asked him why didn’t he ever tried to visit me. I even asked if it was his dad who tried to stop him or any other reason or is it something I did. I tried to reach out to him multiple times but he never answered or tried to be there. I gave him space because I thought he was coping with the divorce too. He yelled at me that I was really annoying. His dad didn’t stop him. It was he who didn’t want to meet me because I lived in a small apartment with only two bedrooms. He hated living in a place like that. And he ignored me on his 18th birthday because the gift I had for him was pretty cheap and stale compared to what his dad and other people gave him. I agree. My gift was a box of his favorite cookies and an old vintage watch. I was struggling a lot at that time so I couldn’t afford to buy him expensive stuff. But does that mean he should have ignored me like that? I had enough of it. I told him strictly that I will not be giving him money. I have spent years wondering where he is and how he is doing. He is still very disrespectful towards me. Throughout our whole conversation he didn’t even ask how I was. He just went straight to money. I was here hoping that we could move on. He had no idea how much of a mess I was when I learned the man I loved so much would betray me and then my own son would lie to me for him. I thought we had a special bond. My head has been going through a lot of conclusions. Maybe his dad was lying to him about me. Maybe he was mad about something I did. But now I have the picture. I do not want to be his atm. I wanted to be his mother even when he rejected me. I'm tired of feeling rejected and getting mistreated and taken for granted. He kept saying and getting even more defensive that I cannot do this to him. I am ruining his life. I told him no. I cannot trust him to give so much money. He told me to cut the bs because he knew I have money now I can easily give him some. I told him no again and again. He at one point stood up and blamed me and screaming that I am ruining his life that I owe it to him. I called my husband and he rushed towards me to keep my son away from me. I know now I should have trusted my instincts. I cried a lot when I came home. I lost him forever. I know a lot of you will call me a bad mother. You will call me a narcissist. But I am sorry. I have spent a lot of time in therapy to get over the pain of losing my husband and son. I cannot have him in my life only to be used as an atm. Even if I gave him the money there is no guarantee that after getting the money he will not ghost me or push me away and then when the money runs out he will come to me again to ask for more. I cannot go through the similar pain. I may be able to forgive him for what he said to me but I don’t think I will ever forget what he said. He hated me because I had no money. I would have been fine with weekly visits from him but he never even wanted that. Additionally, I discovered during our conversation that he was the first one to find out that my husband was having an affair and he asked his dad to buy him a new phone in exchange for not telling me. I lost. That’s all I have as an update. I am sorry if there were any mistakes. It is hard to write and form sentences and put all of it in a few words. And no, his birthday was not the only time I reached out like many of you assumed. I tried to reach out to him before that many times. He said he didn’t want to or had other excuses. I respected his decision and didn’t bother him much. I finally gave up trying when he was 18 but I still checked his social media for quite a while until I gave that up too. **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >It was not that he was asking me for money after so many years. But it is just I don't know if he will use that money for some bad use like drugs or gambling. Also I have no way to confirm if he is telling the truth about grad school or not. So it seems too risky to give such a huge sum just like that xxx >I at least have my daughters but still feel bad they will never get to know their brother xxx >I do have more money than before but 20k disposable income is too much **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12w7atp/aitah_for_not_wanting_to_contact_my_son_after_he/

12w7atp

OOP discovers why someone is on the hotel's "Do Not Rent" list

CONCLUDED

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/10cb36a/do_you_have_a_do_not_rent_list_and_am_i_on_it/) by u/AllenHana426 in r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk on 15 Jan 2023 **"Do you have a do not rent list, and am I on it?"** A quick disclaimer before I start: Some of the details of what lead up to this are a bit fuzzy in my mind, and a fair bit of it is second or third hand information. If either of my coworkers who hang out in this subreddit (if you see this, hi!!) have any corrections, let me know! I'm alone at the desk around 9PM just after Christmas and the phone rings Me: [Hotel] of [city], this is Allen, how can I help you? Lady: Do you have a do not rent list, and am I on it? Me: Um..I'm sorry, what was your name? Lady: My name is Eris (not her real name, just a mythology reference) I immediately recognize her name when she says it. While there were never any clear violations of hotel policy or the law on her part that we were aware of, there was a lot of sketchy behavior including having her daughter and daughter's boyfriend who she had called the cops on for either stealing money from her or attacking her or both come to her room a few times, having a bunch of random people in and out of her room, and wanting to extend one night at a time, paying cash each night. Unfortunately, I don't have access to my property's DNR list, so I fib a bit and say my computer is giving me issues so I'd have to call her back, but since she stayed with us before, we have her phone number on file so I can get a hold of her when it comes up. As I stumbled my way through my excuse, I sent a text to my GM and FOM explaining the situation. Thankfully, our FOM is VERY responsive and got back to me within 2 or 3 minutes saying that, yes, this lady is on our DNR list. I had assumed this was the case, but didn't want to say she was when she wasn't and cause a whole host of issues. I call her back and we have the following exchange: Me: Hi, this is Allen calling back from [hotel]. I got our DNR list up, and unfortunately it does look like you're on it Eris: WHAT? Why am I on there? Does it say why? Me: Unfortunately, it does not. There's just a note from my manager saying that we are not able to rent to you Eris: Well why not? There has to be a reason! Me: I'm sorry, I truly don't know why this note is here. Just that my manager put it here, and I can not overrule that There's some shuffling on the phone and I get a little worried Man: Hello, this is Deputy Dewey (fake name) with the [city] police department. I'm here with Ms. Eris, and I just wanted to ask why she's on your DNR list. Was it non-payment maybe or some other issue? Me: Oh hi. Um, unfortunately, as I told Eris, I'm not sure why she is not on our DNR list. All I know is that there is a note from my manager from the day she checked out saying that we are unable to rent to her Dewey: Okay, just making sure. Ms. Eris did say that she was able to make a reservation, so is it possible for you to refund her for that? Yes, I could tell him there was sketchy behavior in her room before, but I don't wanna risk some sort of lawsuit or something as there's no proof of any illegal activity. I refresh my arrival screen and sure enough, there's a reservation under Eris' name Me: No deposits have been taken, so there isn't really anything to refund, but I can absolutely cancel her reservation with no penalty! He thanks me, gets the cancelation number, and we hang up. When the night auditor gets in, I give him a quick heads up in addition to the note I put in our log book. He just says "Oh yeah. She's on the DNR list at the hotel I worked at before this place." Not surprising at all The next evening, I come in for my shift and my FOM thanks me for how I handled the situation. For those playing at home, he confirmed that the reason she was DNR'ed was suspected drug use on account of all of the people going into and out of her room at all hours. If that was the case, it seems like they were considerate enough to not leave any evidence behind for housekeeping to deal with ----------------------------------------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/1256gpa/an_unexpected_update/) in r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk on 28 Mar 2023 **An unexpected update** About 2 months ago, I made a post about a lady who called to ask if she was on our DNR list. Spoiler: She was, but I just been told there was a lot of suspicious behavior and probable drug use. Since then, my boyfriend has started working in housekeeping here and today while he was talking to the housekeeping manager (HKM), her side of the story came up. If she (or honestly any housekeepers) sees this, please know I have the utmost respect for every single one of you. Without further ado, here is the 3rd hand update on this tale: So, HKM goes into the room and notices a distinct haze and smell in the air. The guest claims that it's just her hairspray, but between the smell and the fact that the guest in question has very short, unstyled hair, it seems highly unlikely. As she's cleaning, she notices some really odd things: A layer of powder on almost every surface, dryer sheets about a half an inch thick shoved into the AC unit, and weed on the floor. I'm not sure what quantity or packaging the weed was in; it could have been trace amounts that fell from a joint or bowl, it could have been stacks upon stacks of bricks, it could have been something in between. For comedic value, I'd like to imagine it was some egregious amount, no matter how unlikely it is. HKM is doing her thing and gets over to the AC unit. She removes some of the dryer sheets and is met with a cloud of powder. HKM calls her boyfriend to alert him to the situation (and presumably that she'll need a ride home) and tells the manager on duty as well. Authorities are called, the powder is tested, and lo and behold, HKM has, in fact, met the guest's dear friend Charlie. Thankfully, HKM was permitted to go home immediately and likely received medical attention HKM is still here and still doing an amazing job, but thankfully, that guest will never step foot on our property again ​Edit: A word Edit 2: Cocaine. It was cocaine. Not a dead guy. I didn't realize so few people didn't have dads who questioned what they were really doing in the midst of their teenage angst with "You're not hanging out with old Charlie, are you?" and other such endearing phrases **I AM NOT THE OP**

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12xd8na/oop_discovers_why_someone_is_on_the_hotels_do_not/

12xd8na

OOP's daughter falsely accuses step-mom of physical assault.

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Proper-Pie8256 **in** r/offmychest &#x200B; **Post finding credits -** u/dadondada14 ​   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/11g4tns/my_daughter_lied_on_my_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) \- 2nd March 2023 I 36m made the mistake of marrying the woman I got pregnant at 19yo. We divorced when my daughter(Kay) was 6 months old. This relationship with my daughter and ex wife has always been strained. I take most of the blame because I was a 19yo shithead just winging it through with life with no purpose or sense of direction. To my ex's credit she quickly got herself together and got an education while handling most of the parenting. I know I fucked up in my daughters younger years and that's nobody's fault but mine. Apparently nothing I do or say now will make up for it. Now she's 17, she's a beautiful, smart, witty, well mannered young woman and its 95% because of my ex's parenting. I love to brag about my daughter but I would never take credit for how she turned out as our relationship is incredibly strained. My ex is essentially forcing my daughter to spend every other weekend with me, my wife 30f, and her little sister 3f. My wife and I don't mind at all, my wife was so happy with this arrangement that she got her parents to take our 3yo on Saturday's so my oldest daughter doesn't feel like her whole weekend is lost to a toddler. She stays with us Thursday -Sunday. This particular weekend her parents went to a wedding so toddler stayed home. My 16yo was visibly upset by this so my wife took toddler out for the day to keep the peace. That wasn't good enough for oldest because my wife would usually take Kay out for brunch and since toddler was out with my wife Kay and I went to lunch where she complained the entire time about how her whole weekend is ruined and she wanted to go home. My response was that life is inconvenient sometimes. Later that night Kays vindictive side comes out and she told my ex they my wife hit her. My ex showed up to my house and called the cops and was screaming on my lawn that she was going to press charges and assault my wife. The cops showed up everyone is confused and crying. My daughter is begging to go home. The thing is, toddler wasn't feeling well so my wife slept in toddler room since about 7:30. Baby monitor proves it. She didn't even leave to use the bathroom. We show the cops this after my ex leaves with Kay. I apologize and the cop who was super understanding said that he would spook Kay and my ex a little for wasting time . I don't know what he said to them but Kay called back and was apologizing and wanted to speak to my wife to apologize but my wife was not having any of it , won't speak to Kay I don't blame her. Ex is calling my wife immature for not speaking to a teenager whose trying to apologize. My wife has emotionally closed herself to Kay. She also stopped contributing to Kays college fund. This hurt Kay the most as my wife makes pretty good money. Her chances of attending her dream school were much better with 3 parents saving for it instead of 2. This incident was 2 months ago and Kay's attitude towards my wife has gone from fuck off to love bombing. My wife just doesn't want to be involved at all anymore and is offering to have Kay visit weekends again but her and toddler will stay at her parents until Kay leaves. My ex is blaming my wife for not forgiving kay for lying. My family is divided saying Kay made a stupid teenager mistake and shouldn't be punished losing out on education. I wont make my wife interact with my daughter. But I'm also not going to contribute double to her college fund which is what my ex is demanding. My wife, my ex and I were contributing equal parts and my ex's new husband contributed nothing. I feel like my wife is being treated unfairly. But siding with my wife is making my relationship with my daughter worse. This got much longer then I expected. I really need some object insight here because I have no clue how to fix or manage this. Guys ..this blew up way more then I expected. I can't possibly respond to every comment so I'll address some the repeated stuff. I am fully supportive of my removing herself. I wouldn't dream of forcing her to be around someone who accused her of abuse. She is volunteering to spend weekends at her parents. I'm not asking her to leave our home. Kay and toddler have a great relationship. They enjoy each other. My wife's parents take toddler on Saturday as a favor to us but they were more then willing to do this they love spending time with her. For those saying I'm not involved enough in making sure my daughter facing consequences, she does not live with me. If I try to get involved with how her mother is disciplining her at home I will promptly be told to go fuck myself. I'm currently trying to have an adult conversation with my ex about how serious this could have gotten and that I won't let this be swept under that rug. Every time I bring it up I'm blocked for 3 days. I haven't given up tho.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/11ysn17/update_to_my_daughter_lying/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) \- 23rd March 2023 Hi all. I’m here to give an update because I have gotten many messages from concern folks and I am really touched. First off, thank you all. I didn’t expect that response and all the great advice I got. I also let my wife read the post. She feels grateful and validated because this situation was making her question her sanity. Another thing I want to address is some of the nasty things said about my daughter. Not cool. I don’t know how many of you actually have kids with your suggestions. This is a shit situation, and was really out of character for her, but I love my daughter and will always support her, that does not mean I can’t acknowledge when she’s acting like an asshole. I got some very nasty messages and had to block several people because they decided to go full blown internet troll. After some long conversations with my wife, she said she would be willing to have contact with Kay again, and possibly the college fund. I said no to the college fund. I would prefer my wife not contribute to Kay’s education. Over the past 5 years my wife has contributed about 14k to Kays college fund and I was ready to transfer all that money back to her, she declined and is content just not contributing anything else. I finally got Kay and ex wife to agree to a serious talk after threating to pull that 14k out of the account. I finally got some truth out of Kay. She has a boyfriend, ex wife knew and didn’t tell me. The weekends at my house were meant to keep her away from the bf and friends. That particular weekend there was a party that Kay wanted to go and ex shut it down completely. Ex wife told Kay not to tell me or wife because we would cut her off. Which is completely false. Ex wife had to admit that’s why she did it in front of Kay, and she was beyond angry. Then when it came time to address Kay using her step mother in a lie that could have potentially landed her in prison she started to cry. I believe she genuinely feels regret about her actions. She said just wanted to go to the party with her friends and since she couldn’t she said whatever she could to get her mother to react because she didn’t think I would allow her to go. Apparently when kay is home my ex keeps inside and she can’t see her friends on weekends or after school because ex wife thinks she should be inside. Ex got frustrated and stormed off and didn’t want to continue the conversation. I had no idea my daughter was so isolated at her mothers house and her mother manipulated her into thinking that my wife and I are the manipulative ones. She feels much regret about what she said about my wife and understands why she wants to keep a distance. My wife loves Kay and wants to slowly start building a relationship with her again. However that still leaves the issue of what is happening to my daughter at home. She has explicitly said she is not being verbally, physically, or sexually abused. She is just isolated and not permitted to do much. I think this is because when ex was Kays age she was out of control with her partying (I knew her then and she was wild.) I told Kay she has a place at my house, but she wants to stay home it is close to her school and friends she just wants her mom to ease up some. They are working on it. My ex knows that we are on to her BS and has been playing nice we will see how long that lasts. I reiterated to Kay that this one particular situation with her lying could have ruined many lives and has greatly impacted her own life because her dream school is out of the question. Any conversation my ex tries to start about college money I tell her we can talk about it after her or her husband deposits 14k into the account. She hasn’t bought it up again. Until then I will keep making the same contributions.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12xh808/oops_daughter_falsely_accuses_stepmom_of_physical/

12xh808

A final update concluding the three-year-long Baby Karen story

NEW UPDATE

*This is not the original post. This text has been copied and pasted into this subreddit for the purposes of curating the best Reddit updates in one subreddit. You can find the link to the OP below. I am posting this with the approval of the OP.* You can find [the last compilation of updates on this story in this sub here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ycf4yq/aita_for_raining_on_my_cousins_parade_regarding/). If you wish to skip down to the newest update on this one past all the updates that have been posted before, scroll down and look for the two lines of cool cats, like so: 😼😼😼 😼😼😼 Content warning: >!Some childhood bullying!< Mood spoiler: >!A mostly neutral/happy ending.!< [**ORIGINAL POST: AITA for raining on my cousin's parade regarding the name she picked out for her baby?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/btred7/aita_for_raining_on_my_cousins_parade_regarding/) from /r/AmITheAsshole, posted May 27, 2019 by /u/LightningStr My cousin Stephanie and I are really more friends than relatives. An important note is that she's not really online much, so can be out of the loop on certain memes and jokes in internet culture, and tbh, doesn't really understand the concept of viral internet references or how they work. Stephanie is pregnant and just found out it's going to be a girl. About a week ago, she told a gathering of her best girlfriends that she's going to name her daughter Karen. The room instantly went cold, but after an awkward silence, everyone else politely said it was lovely. I couldn't bring myself to respond at all. Later in the evening, when Stephanie was out of the room, everyone was immediately like, "OMG, that poor kid," and "why would she pick Karen of all names?!" I was uncomfortable with this conversation, given that everyone had been so positive about the name to her face. I thought more about it over the next couple of days, and just felt really weird about the whole thing. The name is really loaded, to the point it could be detrimental to the baby, and Stephanie had no idea of the connotations to make an informed decision. So a couple of days later, I tentatively brought it up. I told her I was so excited for the baby, and just wanted her to have all available information when picking a name. I then started to explain that Karen has some negative connotations and has become sort of an internet joke to describe a specific kind of entitled middle aged woman. Stephanie instantly was furious and started talking over me, saying, "why are you saying this?! This is so mean!!" I was really surprised by her reaction (it felt very, very out of character), so I immediately stopped and said, "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just wanted to tell you something I thought you might not know." She replied, "That's the name I picked for my daughter. And you think I picked it as some kind of joke?! I don't understand why you'd say something so hurtful." When she said that, I felt like it signaled that she didn't really understand what I was trying to tell her, so after agonizing for a second about whether to press the issue even though she was so angry, I felt like in for a penny, in for a pound, and since she was already mad, I wanted her to at least understand what I was trying to explain to her. I googled "Karen know your meme" on my phone and tried to show her the screen of results while saying, "look, I'm just saying that there's more meaning to the name than you may realize." She stood up, pushed my phone away, and shouted, "Wow!!" She then stormed out of my home and drove away. My aunt and mom have been berating me all week, because Stephanie told them that I made fun of her baby name. Stephanie has not spoken to me or responded to my texts since. I can take a hint, and I'm not going to broach a topic again that caused so much distress, but I keep going back and forth on whether I was TA here by bringing it up in the first place. *Note: In the original post, OOP was overwhelmingly given a YTA judgment in response to this post.* Edit: Thanks, everyone! I have been properly schooled, and I accept my judgement that I was TA here. Stephanie and I have a history of being extremely open and honest with each other (I was the maid of honor in her wedding, which we planned on being the case from a young age, and we always joked as teenagers that part of my duties would include talking her out of the marriage if the groom she picked sucked), and so maybe I was too flippant with approaching this topic due to our history, and was unempathetic in underestimating how much she was already invested in the name she chose for her future daughter. I admit I'm a bit frustrated that Stephanie still doesn't understand what I was trying to tell her (she *still* thinks I was making some kind of weird, cruel joke accusing *her* of picking the name as a joke), but I have messaged her a sincere apology that she accepted, and I will never speak of this again, to Stephanie or Baby Karen. I'll also stand up for Stephanie if her other friends shit talk the name around me again. If they're not willing to voice their thoughts to Stephanie directly, they need to not say the kinds of things they were saying behind her back. Edit 2: One more thing: I definitely was not trying to tell Stephanie to not name her daughter Karen. I just wanted her to make the decision either way knowing the connotations, since I'd want someone to do the same for me if I picked a baby name with cultural baggage I wasn't aware of. I realize now I handled it poorly and was hurtful to Stephanie in the process, but I just wanted to be clear that I wasn't actively trying to talk her out of the name. I just didn't want her to be blindsided if it came up later. **Additional context from OOP's comments:** Stephanie and her husband have a deal on baby names where she picks girl baby names, he picks boy baby names, and they each have unlimited veto power for the other person's choices. He's on board with Karen AFAIK. We're all the same age (late 20s) but neither of them spends time online or is even particularly tech savvy. ------- **[UPDATE one year later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ha6c24/update_aita_for_raining_on_my_cousins_parade/)** (posted June 16, 2020) My post last summer wasn't the most exciting or dramatic on AITA, but I wanted to provide an update if anyone is interested. Baby Karen was born healthy and happy back in October. She's an absolute sweetheart of a baby, and I'm totally in love with her. Between March and May, I didn't get to see her at all in person, but I was doing regular FaceTime/House Party calls with Stephanie and Karen, and over the last few weeks, I've been going over to Stephanie's house to sit in her backyard and chat with Stephanie/coo at Karen from a lengthy distance. I have two reasons for updating. First, I've realized since Karen's birth that her name has taken on new meaning to me. When I'm with her, Karen just means her, and I don't think about the other connotations. In other words, you guys were right! That said, though, my second reason for updating is that Stephanie got back into her years-unused Facebook at the beginning of the pandemic to keep in touch with people. She's been on it pretty regularly lately for the first time in years (historically, she's not really been into social media). Most people in our area/social circle have been posting really heavily about BLM and the protests happening right now, as well as racial justice issues more generally. As a result, Stephanie has now come into contact with a deluge of Karen memes for the first time, and found them confusing and horrifying, especially the use of "Karen" as shorthand for a racist. I've basically just declined to talk about it with Stephanie, because it went so poorly last time, but both my mother and her mother have hounded me about it because it's upsetting to Stephanie, and said things like, "Is this what you were talking about before? Why didn't you say so? Why didn't you explain it better?! You should have told Stephanie!!" And Jesus wept!! You really can't win. Thanks again for all your feedback on my last post! It was very helpful in giving me some Zen about the situation. Edit: Wow, I've been super overwhelmed by the flood of very kind, heartfelt PMs (and just one or two not so kind ones) as well as the comments on my other post. Thank you, everyone! It continually amazes me how many nice and empathetic people frequent a sub devoted to assholes. **Additional comments from OOP for context:** *In response to someone criticizing Stephanie:* To be fair, Stephanie has been cool about it. First, she saw a bunch of posts about "the Central Park Karen" when that white lady was harassing the black birdwatcher in the park, and came to me asking me to explain why everyone was calling the woman Karen when her name was Amy. (Since she's gotten back on Facebook, she often asks me to be like her internet culture "interpreter."). I immediately told her, "Sorry, I'm not having a conversation with you about this, because we had a major conflict over it last year, and I'm not getting into it with you." I think that was the first time she started to understand what I'd been telling her last year. And in fairness to her, she didn't bring it up with me again after that. As for my mom and aunt, they're kind of generally ridiculous. They tend to be extremely reactive to whatever is going on precisely at that moment, and if someone in the family is upset, they get overinvolved trying to "fix" it. Stephanie has been venting to her mom about this (not about me, just how upsetting the memes are), and she and my mom have just been doing their normal thing of blowing it out of proportion, and now making it my fault somehow. I love my mom and aunt dearly, but they're not to be reasoned with. *In response to another criticism of Stephanie:* Honestly, with my mom and aunt, it's easier to just wait for them to move on to the next shiny thing. 😁 I don't blame Stephanie at all. She's just upset and confused, but hasn't made it my problem at all. My aunt and mom just have a flair for the dramatic. *In response to someone saying they still thought OOP was TA because they only brought up concerns with the name for selfish reasons:* I probably wasn't clear about this in my original post, and I think it's probably because that's the part I cut down when I went way over the word limit on that first post, but when I described feeling weird and uncomfortable over the couple of days I took to ruminate after Stephanie's announcement, the weirdness and discomfort was mostly a response to what happened with our friend group rather than just my own feelings about the name. I felt super uncomfortable being in the room while our friends shit-talked Stephanie's name choice after praising it to her face. I didn't have the presence of mind in the moment to call them out before the moment was passed, and I sat with that guilt for a couple of days. I didn't want to tell Stephanie what they said, because it would be tattle-y of me, and I also didn't want to cause conflict within the friend group or upset Stephanie. So raising the topic on my own seemed like a good compromise at the time. I did wrestle internally with how to handle it, and clearly I missed the mark. *In response to the comment: "Do you understand that there is a massive difference in being upset with your friends for their response, and approaching Stephanie because you say you want her to be fully informed of her name choice? These are two different things that you're conflating.":* No, to be clear, I didn't raise the conversation with Stephanie in lieu of scolding our friends; I brought it up because I thought they owed it to her to raise those points to her face if they were going to say them at all. Ultimately, I thought Stephanie was owed the knowledge of those connotations, whatever she chose to do with that knowledge. Also, I don't know how to explain the context of our relationship, but Stephanie and I have a lifetime of shared radical honesty with one another, from the inconsequential (telling each other when outfits are unflattering) to the difficult (when she gave me a come-to-Jesus talk years ago about how someone I considered a close friend was super shitty to me and that I should end the friendship). Based on our extreme closeness and shared history, this conversation felt like the right move at the time, even though it ultimately backfired. ------- [**UPDATE two years on**](https://www.reddit.com/user/LightningStr/comments/y3zmrx/update_on_baby_karen_if_anyone_is_still_following/) (posted October 14, 2022) Hi all, I've gotten a few PMs over the last couple years asking for updates, and since we just celebrated Karen's third birthday, I wanted to circle back to anyone following this story. First of all, Baby Karen (not so much a baby anymore!) is doing amazingly on her developmental milestones! She's a very bright child, sharp as the sharpest tack, and extremely tuned into her environment. Some of what she says is already *fully in complete sentences*, which just makes me want to cry when I hear it, because it seems like Stephanie was giving birth just yesterday. Karen loves books already, and will intently study the pictures in them for huge stretches of time and claim to be "reading." And you would not believe the uncomfortably incisive questions she's already asking. I am fully convinced this child is going to grow up to be an actual genius. Regarding the name: unfortunately, when Karen started daycare earlier this year, she started getting grief for her name pretty quickly from the older kids. The daycare she attends mixes the ages together at a couple of different points throughout the day, and while there fortunately wasn't much direct bullying, two of the age-5s must have heard and internalized the derogatory connotations of the name Karen at home. As a result, they found her name absolutely hysterical, and they kind of spread the idea to the other kids that there was something funny/wrong about her name. Karen was too little to understand what was happening, but found the other kids' behavior toward her generally upsetting. The daycare staff made every effort to shut it down, and let Stephanie and her husband know right away. After about a month of this, where the daycare wasn't having much success putting the kibosh on this behavior, and the kids weren't dropping it, Stephanie and her husband made the decision that Karen would be going by "Karrie" from now on, which was already an established nickname that a lot of family and friends were already using, and that Karen already recognized as referring to herself. Stephanie and I never really fully revisited what happened during her pregnancy, but when she was telling me about what was happening in daycare, she apologized to me. I immediately felt terrible and reassured her there was no reason to apologize, emotions are complicated when you're pregnant, and that I thought having Karen go by Karrie was a great solution. (Though changing what you're used to calling someone is fucking *hard*, I've found, and I'm still directly addressing her on manual mode, every single time.) A lot of the responses I got to my last post were gleeful and leaned into the schadenfreude of the situation, and I have to say those responses really bummed me out. I would much, much rather live in a world where I was wrong about the impact Karen's name would have on her. I cannot emphasize enough what a sweet-dispositioned, smart, curious, loving little girl Karrie is, and how much she deserves every good thing in life. Also: a lot of people didn't like Stephanie in my last post, but I need you to understand that this is a tiny snapshot of a very emotionally high-strung time in her life, and overall, Stephanie is a wonderful lifelong friend. She has gotten me through so many personal crises over the years, and she will never fail to show up for the people she cares about. Being pregnant and having a strong emotional attachment to the name you've picked out for your daughter is completely understandable, and her pregnancy was pretty rough on her moods. (She once wept uncontrollably at a cat food commercial when she was about seven months pregnant.) I also think my approach for trying to explain the name issue those years ago was very clumsy, and I could have done a better job of bringing it up. That said, with the distance of time, I am really glad I did broach the topic. I feel like I owed Stephanie that information, and I can feel good about giving it to her. If I'd chosen not to bring it up at the time, I think I'd have a lot of regrets now. The only thing I'd change now, looking back, is that I would try to bring it up more gently somehow with Stephanie so I could have had the chance to explain. In summary: all is well! We've run into a little bump in the road with other kids' reactions to Karrie's name, but in some ways, it's better to get this out of the way now, when Karrie doesn't really understand what's happening, than have this happen in kindergarten or elementary school down the road, when full-on bullying could be a risk. She's adjusting really well to going by her nickname full-time, and Stephanie and her husband are planning on enrolling her with "Karrie" as her preferred name in all future schooling. And since schools around here go by preferred name rather than legal name in things like classroom roll-calls, it's possible she can get through K-12 without it ever really being widely known among her peers that her legal name is Karen. (And I really hope this common usage of the name Karen dies down in the next few years!) **Edit:** Really disappointed to be getting hate messages directed at Karrie, wishing that terrible things befall her and calling her the c-word. Please remember she's an innocent child. **Edit 2:** Point of clarification: the boys at daycare apparently didn't know that Karen was a name. The way they'd heard it used at home made them think it was just a term used to insult people, and that it might be a "bad word." That's why they found it so funny, because, in their worldview, it was like meeting someone named "fart face" or "asshole." The daycare staff explained to them that Karen is a real name, and that lots of people are named Karen, and of course they tried their best to curtail the mockery, but nothing really helped until the name change and a little bit of time had passed. Things at the daycare are now back to normal, the other kids are calling her Karrie, and everyone has (fortunately) moved on. **Edit 3:** Please don't harass Redditors who gave a YTA judgement on my first post. They gave their honest judgment at the time in an online space specifically set up for that purpose. I didn't post on an advice sub, I posted on a judgment sub, and there's no reason to call people to the mat for judgments I asked for, made in good faith, from three years ago. [**A comment defending Stephanie in response to someone commenting that she's a bad friend to OOP**:](https://www.reddit.com/user/LightningStr/comments/y3zmrx/update_on_baby_karen_if_anyone_is_still_following/itv2780/) Stephanie is genuinely a great friend and a good person! She once dropped everything and drove 300 miles because I had just been in a (relatively minor) car accident in a city I lived all alone in as a young adult. She once gifted me $1500, no questions asked, and insisted I never even think about paying it back, when I needed to get out of a really bad cohabiting situation while broke. When we were teenagers and the cool boy she had a massive crush on made fun of me for something I was extremely sensitive about, instead of keeping quiet, she blew her top, stuck up for me and told him off, then led me away to comfort me away from him. She is loyal and kind and has incredible character. This post is such a tiny, tiny snapshot of who she is as a person. When I raised my concerns, Stephanie was emotional, very pregnant, and somewhat sleep deprived. Her pregnancy was rough on her body, and on top of hormones, I think she was just genuinely confused by what I was trying to tell her. 😼😼😼 😼😼😼 --- **[FINAL UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/user/LightningStr/comments/12pmndk/newest_and_probably_final_update_on_baby_karrie/)**, posted April 17, 2023 For those of you who have contacted me asking for an update, I wanted to circle back and close the book on the Baby Karen/Karrie chapter. As of last month, Karrie is now legally Caroline [Lastname], and she has even been issued a new birth certificate with her new legal name. The daycare bullying issues had already died down since Stephanie and her husband switched to calling her Karrie, but this legal name change now means that the "Karen" issue won't crop up again when she starts school. There were also some other minor incidents that pushed Stephanie and her husband to make that decision around a legal name change. They were getting to the point where, almost any time they were having to provide Karen's legal name to get a service, they were getting an immediate reaction, even from adults. It was usually just a meaningful look, but barbed comments were not unusual. The final straw was when they were at the airport getting ready to fly to visit Stephanie's in-laws with Karrie. The TSA agent at security made a snarky comment, and then later when they needed to ask the gate agent about their seats, the gate agent rudely laughed at seeing Karrie's ticket, then showed the gate agent standing next to her, who just shook her head and said, "poor kid" to her co-worker while fully ignoring Stephanie and her husband. (And they had this interaction *in front* of Karrie.) Something about that day in the airport was a turning point for Stephanie and her husband, and they started the name change process as soon as they got home. It was much easier than they were expecting, and cost a grand total of $30! Karrie is a joyful, sociable little girl, and while it's impossible to know right now if these negative experiences caused any lasting damage (and I sincerely hope they did not!), I'm happy to see that she continues to be a very outgoing, confident child. The conversation with Stephanie I mentioned in my October update was awkward and brief, but we've actually gotten back into it a few times since. Stephanie has apologized profusely for her initial reaction when we first talked, I've apologized for approaching things so poorly, and not telling her right away about what our friends were saying behind her back, and in those conversations, we mainly ended up focusing on the resulting spiraling of my mom and aunt and what a mess that turned into. Together we've started to unpack some of the intergenerational shit around our family issues. To provide some of that context, our maternal grandparents were a nightmare. Our grandfather was an authoritarian revivalist preacher who was physically abusive and referred to himself as the "spiritual leader" and ultimate authority of the family. Our grandmother was a manipulative narcissist who psychologically tormented my mom and aunt for their entire childhoods. As a result, my mom and aunt trauma bonded considerably during their childhood, and grew into extremely anxious and reactive adults. Any whiff of conflict sends them into panic mode, and in our family, we have these well-worn grooves of behavioral habits with my mom and aunt overreacting to anything that feels like discord, and scrambling to clumsily "smooth" things over. As a result, Stephanie and I have both been working hard to build better boundaries with our moms' generation, and have agreed to be really cautious about what information we give them, especially anything that is highly emotional. I've been in therapy for a couple of years now, and Stephanie also started therapy late last year. We've been talking about the ways that my grandparents traumatizing our moms caused intergenerational issues that impacted us, and Stephanie is determined that the cycle ends with her, and that these issues will not go on to touch Karrie. Thank you, everyone, for your kind words, both here on my profile posts and on the best-of-updates reposts, which I've also been reading. I've gotten some incredibly thoughtful and kind messages, which have meant a lot to me, even if I haven't had the chance to respond to all of them. For those who may still want to be critical of Stephanie, I again want to emphasize how out of character her initial reaction was, and how much physical, hormonal, and emotional upheaval she was in at the time. These posts are a teeny-tiny window into just one aspect of the dynamic, funny, kind, caring full human being that is my cousin and best friend. Stephanie has been my most loyal and trusted friend for pretty much my entire life, and she has fully earned some grace for reacting less than perfectly to my [extremely clumsy] approach when she was sleep deprived, hormonally wrecked, and brain fogged. Stephanie has read these posts now as well, along with most of your comments, and (after I explained to her what Reddit is) they were helpful to both of us in our talks about our weird family dynamic. I can't imagine I'll have any more updates down the line, but thanks for following along the last few years. *Edit with a note: OOP has requested that people not tag/harass/berate anyone who gave her a YTA judgment originally, which apparently happens every time she posts an update. Don't be weirdos, folks.*

Father-Son-HolyToast

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12xhdaw/a_final_update_concluding_the_threeyearlong_baby/

12xhdaw

I (51M) have to breakup with newish serious GF (43F) because of medical issues.

NEW UPDATE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRA_itsmenotyou in r/relationship_advice** mood spoilers: >!Sad all around.!< &nbsp; This poor guy was skewered when he was literally in distress and wanted advice. He clearly wouldn't have needed said advice if he was in a position to think straight. The fine folks on Reddit (for the most part) proceeded to beat him up pretty good and give him advice he wasn't seeking. I just noticed on update (of sorts) posted to his profile. --- &nbsp; [**I (51M) have to breakup with newish serious GF (43F) because of medical issues.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10pbuh4/i_51m_have_to_breakup_with_newish_serious_gf_43f/) - Jan 30 2023 Sorry if this is poorly written. About 8 months ago, I met a very lovely woman and we hit it off completely. She has her own life (kids, work, hobbies) but we make things work and see each other whenever possible and are in touch daily. I love her and she has also stated that she loves me. We have talked about long term plans of being together once we are both done with our other obligations. Whilst all of these wonderful experiences have been going on, I have been dealing with what I thought were minor medical issues. I never let on to my GF (so as to not worry her and add another dynamic to our relationship) that I've been having any issues and they were so "minor" that I was able to get away with it. After many medical appointments and many tests, my doctors informed me late last week that the problems aren't so minor and the prognosis is not good. I absolutely do not want to burden this wonderful woman with what I'm going to be dealing with. Do I lie and make up a story or do I tell her the truth? Can anyone see a way out of this without lying or telling her the truth? Regardless of how I approach this, I will not be staying with her. ETA: Folks, thank you for the input. I will be telling her the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I'm sorry so many of you can't accept that I will be ending the relationship but that wasn't a question I asked about and it IS my absolute right to do so. &nbsp; [**Update: I (51M) have to breakup with newish serious GF (43F) because of medical issues.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10t1eai/update_i_51m_have_to_breakup_with_newish_serious/) - Feb 4 2023 Some of you asked for an update so here it is. This is hopefully the link to my first post; https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10pbuh4/i_51m_have_to_breakup_with_newish_serious_gf_43f/ It's going to be short and sweet (well, maybe not so sweet). I worked out a plan to tell her everything at our next meeting (tonight). I had spoken with a counsellor and worked out a plan. I wrote her a letter and was going to read it to her in person. The letter explained my health situation and my plans going forward. Long story short, she was able to sense that something was up during our conversations this week. Because I didn't want to just drop this ton of bricks on her unannounced, I gave her a heads up that we needed to talk when we met. Things went downhill from there. She assumed the worst because of her past and we ended up breaking things off on the phone earlier. When I said we, I meant she. She has no idea about my health situation and I now have no plans to share this information with her. I also would like to state for all the people saying I was not doing the right thing; my counsellor helped me see this isn't about right or wrong, it's about doing what's best for me. Wishing you all peace and love. ETA: It's clear that Reddit and I are not and have not been in agreement about i) my ending my relationship and ii) what has transpired around my ending it. I would pull out the old "Do not judge someone before you've walked a mile in their shoes." but I would never wish that onto anyone. I don't regret my actions but I do regret posting the update. The will be my last update, last response and last post to reddit. May you all find peace in your lives and don't be so quick to judge. Life is messy and very complicated. &nbsp; [**The Final Word**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA_itsmenotyou/comments/12ptow1/the_final_word/) - Apr 17 2023 This message is being posted at my behest but not by "me". Jenn, should you ever stumble upon this account and messages, please know that I loved you until the day I died. You must also know that I never lied to you and I do apologize for letting the thought of lying to you cross my mind. I wrote you a long letter explaining it all but it was returned to me unopened when I got back home. Please please please do not let me and this jade you further. You must not close yourself off from the world again. You deserve to love and be loved. I did what I needed to do for me, it was selfish but it was what I needed to do. Should you ever decide you want more closure, please contact Nick and he will give you the letter. Reddit, reddit, reddit; thank you to the small minority that supported and understood me in my moment of emotional need. Death, like life, doesn't always go to plan. Whilst not wrong about the diagnosis, the doctors did have the timeline wrong and my short term plans were cut much shorter than expected. To everyone else, you want your cookie cutter plans for "happiness" to be real but that often isn't the case. Real life is messy. I'm sure most of you didn't have ill intentions (some of you did though!) but maybe learn to open up your minds a little to see both sides of an equation. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

CheapestOfSkates

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12xux4x/i_51m_have_to_breakup_with_newish_serious_gf_43f/

12xux4x

AITA for screwing my fence panels in so they can't be lifted?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/ghost200121 in r/AmItheAsshole on April 3, '23 update April 4, '23. &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12amssx/aita_for_screwing_my_fence_panels_in_so_they_cant/)** April 3, '23 &nbsp; AITA for screwing my fence panels in so they can't be lifted? I have lived in my house for almost 3 years. I love on a corner house next to the road, a road back road. Alot of the kids on the neighbourhood play ball games in that area. This doesn't bother me much apart from when they kick it against my fence. One thing that does bug me is how often they would come to the door because they ball had gone over into the garden. I know this seems like such a small thing but I am talking 5/6 times a day. I used to work from home so I would just go get the ball and ask them to be more careful. However I recently changed jobs and now work out of the house. My partner is still home through the day but is of hard hearing and never hears the kids when they knock. She actually uses more sign language than anything, or reads lips as she really can't hear well at all without her hearing aid, which she only really wears when she's leaving the house. Anyway since I haven't been home to answer the door I found out the kids have actually been lifting my fence panel and coming into my garden to get their balls. I hate this, it makes me feel like my space and privacy is violated. I also have 4 dogs who are usally outside when the weather is nice. I have cameras so have caught them doing this and have evidence but their parents don't seem to care. So I decided to screw all my fence panels in so they could no longer be lifted. Now every night I go home I'm greeting with a bunch of angry kids telling me their ball is in my garden and they can't get it. I just ignore them and throw the ball over without speaking to them. Yesterday when I got home one of the kids mothers was at my front door. When I got out of my car she instantly started yelling and calling my a theif for not getting her sons ball. I told her I was at work and she started yelling about how my partner could have sorted it. I told her I'd go get the ball so calm down and she said I needed to fix my fence as it was broken and the kids couldn't get them on their own anymore. I told her it wasn't broken and and I had done that so they couldn't get in. This made her very angry and she started yelling, I told her I couldn't have them letting my dogs out and also mentioned how they almost broke my fence once and she threatened to call the police for theft the next time I don't get the ball immediately. So AITA For stopping then from getting Into my garden? And could they actually call the police when I'm not even home to get the ball? *Judgment: Not the Asshole* &nbsp; [**UPDATE**](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12amssx/aita_for_screwing_my_fence_panels_in_so_they_cant/) April 4, '23 (added as an edit) &nbsp; After reading through some responses I decided to take action. I looked through my camera footage and found all the times they have entered my garden or kicked the ball over in the last few month and actually found one from January where they had actually come in and opened my rabbit cage up to find the rabbit. Luckily my rabbit wasn't out there as it was winter. Following this I went to the woman's House and met her husband. I explained what had happened and although he wasn't yelling like his wife, he did not seem to care. So I explained I had evidence of his son trespassing on my property, damaging my property and evidence of potential theft (since he was opening my rabbit cage and and pulling on my shed door). At first he tried to laugh me off but then I pulled up one of the videos on my phone and told him I was reporting this to the police. He stopped laughing, apologized, said he would speak to both his wife and son and to please not involve the police. I politely thanked him and left. On my way home I ran into one of the other parents and filled her in on what was going on, she immediately apologised for her sons involvement (her son had never entered my property but has helped lift the fence and kicked the ball). She assured me he would be grounded and have the foot balls taken off him and told me if they ever do it again I should pop the balls. I did call the non emergency number and got it all logged and the videos sent and the kind lady on the phone informed me if it ever happens again I can call and press charges. I can actually press charges now but she advised me to wait as they will only get a warning as this is the first time it's been logged. This also means if they do call to complain about theft they will be informed of the logs against them rather than any action against me. I have also informed my insurance company who assured me, since its logged with the police and I have screwed my fences in, I am in the clear but they also recommend I get a no trespassing sigh so I will do that at the weekend. Thank you so much for all your help and advise, I will admit I had absolutely no Idea what to do about it or if I even has a stand legally so thank you all for the info you have provided &nbsp; *Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.* &nbsp; **On a completely unrelated note, u/strider_a posted a banger that had to be held for a few days. When this happens, less people see it. Do yourself a favor and mosey on over to that post next, it's a doozey** [Lawyers, boss babes, and an 18 pound tumor? Two words: batshit bananapants](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12szu46/lawyers_boss_babes_and_an_18_pound_tumor_two/)

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12y975o/aita_for_screwing_my_fence_panels_in_so_they_cant/

12y975o

Entitled stepmonster got herself banned from my wedding (New Update)

ONGOING

This is a new update on a story that has been shared here previously. The newest post on April 18, '23 will be marked with 🔴🔴🔴 Originally posted by u/droogieboogie42 in r/entitledparents on Mar 17, '23, updated March 22nd. Trigger Warning: >!child abuse!< &nbsp; [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/11txocn/entitled_stepmonster_got_herself_banned_from_my/) Mar 17, '23 &nbsp; Entitled stepmonster got herself banned from my wedding TW: Mention of child abu*e. It's not too graphic, but it's there. I tried posting this on AITA through a different account a couple days ago, but it didn't work out. Given the trigger warning, I'm not surprised. I have since concluded my wife and I did the right thing, so this will be my last attempt to post this story. I tried to add some info and change the wording a little. All names are fake. My (28M) stepmother (49F) is a wannabe party planner. She has taken it upon herself to plan and host every party and holiday my dad's family has thrown since she married him. I never loved those occasions growing up (she’s controlling and gets upset if people complain about anything), but humored her for my dad’s sake. According to him, this helps her feel included. I’m getting married to my fiancée Jane (26F) in July. We got engaged in early 2021, but Jane ended up getting pregnant a couple months after that, and we decided to postpone the wedding to focus on our son for a while. So we’ve had a long engagement. My stepmother has tried to hijack our wedding plans from day 1 (complaining, contacting our planner, showing up unannounced to Jane’s dress appointments, etc.), and we have repeatedly asked her to stop. Dad wants us to humor her, but she’s clearly resentful of the fact that she’s not hosting the wedding or being labeled “mother of the groom” in invitations. Besides our baby boy, we also have Luke (4M), Jane’s paternal half brother. She got custody of him a few months into our relationship, after his parents died. I ended up moving in with them during the pandemic, and have been in Luke’s life since he was a baby. He doesn’t call me “dad”, and refers to us as “his sister and his OP”, but we love him like a son. Stepmother, though, hates Luke. She accuses Jane of “baby-trapping her way into the family” (that accusation only got worse after our son was born). My dad gets along with Jane and adores the kids, but stepmother demands him to refuse babysitting Luke, so we don’t leave the kids with them often. Instead, Jane's brother and SIL usually watch the kids for us, as their children are close to ours in age. We had a thing last Sunday, and my BIL was out of town with his family. Jane's other siblings live in different cities, as well as my mom and sister. My dad agreed to babysit at our place, and we left. We came back to find both kids crying, stepmother screaming, and dad weakly trying to calm everyone down. Apparently, Luke had told stepmother that both he and our son were going to be our ring bearers, and she went ballistic. She screamed that she wasn’t going to allow that because he wasn’t family. She then *made me need to include the trigger warning* when he started crying. His lip is still split. She'd never gotten to this point before. We immediately banned her from our house and from our wedding. Dad is fuming and has said he’s not going without her. He’s also convinced half of his side of the family (by severely downplaying what stepmother did) to boycott the wedding as well. This includes my stepbrother, who fully agrees with his mother no matter how many times I try to tell him the truth. Me and Jane are refusing to budge, but many of my cousins who aren’t coming anymore are asking us to reconsider. Pretty much all of Jane’s family agrees with us, but one of her aunts has suggested that maybe stepmother is acting out because she doesn’t feel welcomed by my family. I've honestly had it with my family enabling her behavior. I love my dad, and really want him at my wedding, but I am more than willing to go NC if it means protecting my family. ​ EDIT: I think I accidentally deleted the paragraph where I mentioned this, but we did press charges. We took Luke to the pediatrician the next day and gathered every piece of evidence we had. Not only did we have pictures of Luke's face, but by some miraculous strike of luck, we also had nanny cam footage. Some commenters were right to assume that my SM hadn't been invited to our house, but my dad hasn't really gone anywhere without her in years, so we took precautions. We didn't expect her to actually do anything this awful, but we've never trusted her with the kids. The physical attack happened off camera, but there is some footage of her screaming and Luke crying before and after the event. She now has a child abuse charge on her rap sheet. We wouldn't let her get away with this. EDIT 2: There is a lot of additional info I want to add. I'll try to respond to at least some of the comments (I DID NOT expect the amount I've gotten so far), but all I'll add for now is that Luke is okay. The visit to the pediatrician happened the day after. He already had a counselor (Jane was pretty traumatized when her dad and stepmom died, and was worried it would rub off on him) and will continue treatment. We've been hugging and pampering him a little more than usual, too. He's still upset, but is already doing much better. &nbsp; [Update 5 days later](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/11ysp1m/update_entitled_stepmonster_got_herself_banned/) Mar 22, '23 I want to thank everybody who took the time to read and/or comment on my previous post. It's been a tough week, but it's always great to know that people care. I haven't been able to reply to every comment, but I will try to address some in this update. This might get a little long. I'll start off by saying that me and Jane are going NC with my dad and SM. We haven't really spoken to either of them since the incident, and I don't plan on being the one to reach out. Any communication between us is being handled by my younger sister. She's completely on our side, but will remain in low contact for the time being. I've decided to adopt Jane's way of dealing with people she cares about: forgive what's apologized for, but never forget. Basically, if dad or SM ever truly understand what they did wrong and sincerely apologize, we're willing to forgive them, even if begrudgingly so. But we will never ignore (or let THEM forget) what they did to our family. And for the time being, neither of them will be allowed near Luke, our baby, and any other kids we may have in the future, even if we do forgive them. As for the rest of my family: I read A LOT of comments suggesting that I post pictures of Luke's face, as well as the nanny cam footage. I'm not very active on social media, but even if I was, I'm not comfortable exposing my injured preschooler like that, especially given that nothing on the internet ever truly goes away. I also decided not to share the pictures with my family unless truly necessary. I should probably mention that while my family adores my dad, most of them aren't very fond of SM. She had two failed marriages prior to meeting my father (the first of which resulted in my stepbrother), and he cheated on his then-girlfriend to be with her. My family loved that girlfriend, and disliked SM right away. Not only has she been controlling and manipulative since the beginning, she's also tried to force her way into the "family matriarch" role by any means possible. Taking over planning duties for every family event was her favorite way to do it, because of all the attention and compliments that come with it. The main reason why I hated these parties growing up was because she'd always find a way to make everything about her, including Christmas and mine and my sister's birthdays. The rest of the family felt neutral about it, but they never liked her. With Luke, it was different. Most of my relatives didn't meet him until COVID restrictions got looser, and by then he was 2 years old. He's a bright and genuinely loveable kid, and there weren't really any other small children in the family, so everyone immediately started cooing over him. The way I see it, SM got upset that Jane and Luke were accepted by my family so easily compared to her experience, and that's why she resents them both, but I can't confirm that. She was also mad that, aside from not being the planner, she would have absolutely no involvement in the wedding party. She tried to pressure us into letting her officiate (one of Jane's best friends was offered that role a year ago), making stepbrother my best man (he wasn't interested, and I'd already gotten my best friend) or asking her sister's daughter to be our flower girl (we'd promised Jane's 3-year-old niece, also her sister's daughter is fifteen and doesn't know us). She also tried to convince us to let my dad walk Jane down the aisle, since her father's gone, but her eldest brother (the BIL I mentioned in the first post) had already been enlisted. SM was disappointed that my family wasn't as involved in the wedding as Jane's, and kept making comments about how that "would never happen if we put her in charge". All of that being said, there is NOTHING that can excuse being that awful to a child, especially if it really is the petty jealousy that I suspect. Because I haven't spoken with my father, my sister has been keeping me updated on what he's been up to. As I found out through her, the story my dad and SM told the rest of the family completely erases Luke's injury and the abuse charges. It insinuates that me and Jane banned them because we got annoyed with SM and decided to take it out on my dad as well. Because most people already disliked SM, explaining what actually happened that night wasn't hard, and most of the relatives that I actually wanted at the wedding have apologized and are berating my dad as well. The people that didn't believe us, as well as those saying we overreacted, have been told they are not welcome in our home anymore. Those are mostly people from my dad's generation, so I can't say I'm surprised. But the realization that they are so biased they're willing to protect a woman they hate (after she hurt a child) just to make my dad happy has reassured me that I don't need any of them in my life. Stepbrother is still in denial. He refuses to believe his mother could hurt a child, even with all the evidence we have. I have to admit I understand, I love my mom too, but that doesn't mean I'd excuse his obliviousness. So he's banned too. It sucks, because we were close growing up, but I don't regret it. Besides, Jane has 3 other siblings besides Luke (the older BIL, a twin brother and a younger sister), and I'm closer to them than I ever was to him. Speaking of Jane's family, they're all furious over what happened, and have been extremely supportive of us. Jane's maternal family basically adopted Luke after she got custody of him, and have called frequently to make sure he's okay. We did manage to save some money with everybody we uninvited, and have decided to use it to help Jane's cousin. She lives in a different country, and was previously unable to come to the wedding, so we're paying for her plane ticket. Luke has gotten much better, and is almost completely back to being the sunny child he's always been. The split lip was shallow. It's healing slowly, but didn't require any stitches. We sat him down a few days ago, and explained that my dad and stepmonster wouldn't be around anymore. He really liked my dad, but understands that he and SM are attached at the hip. He's clearly scared of her, but we're doing our best to make him feel safe. Me and Jane have reassured him that he IS family, we love him, and no one will ever change that. I'm not too worried about dad or SM trying to show up at the wedding, but we've alerted the venue and given them pictures just in case they try anything. Better safe than sorry. Some people brought attention to the fact that SM is a hypocrite for saying Luke isn't family. I agree, for obvious reasons. Her main excuse for pretty much everything she does is that she doesn't feel like my family welcomes her. Dad has been guilting me to take part in everything she plans by reminding us of that for as long as I can remember. The way he continues to make excuses for her without realizing this is basically a case of the pot calling the kettle black (except Luke actually IS family) is what has made me accept that, while I will always love my dad, it's not healthy or safe for me and my family to be around him anymore. It hurts to know my son won't have his only remaining bio grandfather in his life, but he has two amazing step grandpas to make up for it. For now, I'm sad, but satisfied with how things have turned out. I don't like to complain about my life. It's a mess, but a beautiful one. I love my fiancée, I love my kids, and I'm lucky enough to love my job. We're happy. I'm not letting anyone ruin that. To whoever was annoyed at my censorship: when posting on AITA didn't work out, Jane suggested I make the writing less explicit. I'm not used to Reddit yet, so I might have overdone it a little bit. I hope this is my last update on this story, but I'll keep you posted. Again, thank you for all your love and support! Best wishes to all of you. &nbsp; *In the comments:* The only reason why I know that this is the first time she's hit him is because this was the first (and last) time she was with the kids unsupervised. Me and Jane were around every previous time she saw Luke. She didn't want my dad to babysit him, and we'd only asked him to on a few occasions before. My sister was still living with them at the time, and has assured me that Luke was never out of her sight. I know and trust my sister enough to believe her. First time or not, I will not give her a second chance. She'll never hurt either of my kids again. . We've actually had passwords with the vendors since day one. Some of the earlier ones we met actually recommended us to do it. SM did contact our planner a while back saying she had our approval to talk to our vendors. She didn't let her, and we got a bit more strict with passwords after that. . >So is SM serving any jail time? If she attacked a child then and you guys pressed charges I would imagine she would have to be processed and eventually serve some time for her crime. OP: We hope so. We're setting up a date for the arraignment. . *Commener has advice for OP:* >Start a file for SM. Keep any and all texts, voicemails and attempts of her communicating. Do the same with anyone who has taken her side because she could escalate and you may need that info. Those people are flying monkeys and she’s sent them to not only plead her case, but report back to her the things you may have told them so she can continue to play her victim card. You were great to have the nanny cam, but should also make sure to notify his daycare or school that she is not to be given info or access to him, get cameras hat have audio just in case she shows up at your house and password protect all of your wedding vendors and let them know not to give her any info and to notify you if she tries. Your dad may be harmless, but she’s not. OP: That 2nd advice is something we've been pretty occupied with, actually. This past week has been mostly about the kids and collecting evidence. But I'll definitely check out the JNMIL sub. . >Did you say that if your father and stepmonster apologize that you will allow them at your wedding? I wasn't quite sure what you were saying. OP: ABSOLUTELY NOT. My father and SM are not welcome at the wedding, no matter the circumstances. They could offer me an island and I'd still refuse to let them come back into our lives right now. I only plan to forgive anything far off in the future, and only if they apologize sincerely. Even then, they will have no access to the kids for years after that. Knowing SM, I highly doubt she'll ever feel sorry for what she did, so we're not counting on it anyway. &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 &nbsp; **[I saw my father and SM for the first time since she attacked my child](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/12rgtx4/update_i_saw_my_father_and_sm_for_the_first_time/)** April 18, '23 &nbsp; UPDATE: I saw my father and SM for the first time since she attacked my child I didn't plan on updating again before the wedding, but something pretty huge happened. The good news is we got the RO. The bad news is me and Jane had to see both SM and my father at the court hearing. This was our first time seeing them since we kicked them out of our house over a month ago, and neither of us were looking forward to it. We left the kids with Jane's brother and SIL, so at least Luke didn't have to see them. The hearing itself went a lot quicker than I expected. I'll give credit where it's due: my father was, at the very least, smart enough to understand there was no way they were winning this. There was a lot of evidence against them. Not only did we have the nanny cam footage and Luke's pictures and medical record, but my sister had also gathered every text and e-mail SM had sent her and the family about what happened. And SM hates speaking on the phone, so there were A LOT of those. They didn't even bother to get an attorney for the hearing. The judge granted us a protection order against SM. She's not allowed within 500 feet of us or our property anymore. We're changing all our locks this week, and I'm thinking about changing my phone number as well. I have to admit, the moment we left the courthouse was the safest I'd felt since this whole ordeal started. Jane was close to tearing up with joy when we got to the car. We picked up the kids and went to McDonald's with BIL and his family to celebrate. Hours later, my father called me. The order doesn't extend to him, so he can still do that. Jane and the kids were in bed, so I answered. I didn't expect him to change his mind and apologize all of a sudden, but decided to give him one last chance. He tried to start some awkward small-talk, but I told him to get to the point. He asked me if the order was truly necessary. I stated, very clearly, that SM was never coming near Jane or my children again, and that I was glad I had an RO to formalize that. Every excuse he had for SM was pretty easy to shut down: >"But she only hit him once!" "Yep, and that's enough for me." >"The kids need their grandma!" "She's not their grandma, mom is." >"SHE'S MY WIFE. You need to respect her!" "She attacked Luke. She disrespected my family in my own house. I don't owe her anything, least of all my respect." He then went on a rant about family, how much of a godsend SM was and everything she'd done for me and my sister since she came into our lives. I replied by listing every time I could remember about her lying, overstepping a boundary or acting unhinged around me, my family or my sister. I brought up both my adult life and my youth. Examples included her attempts to hijack most of our milestones (recently, our wedding plans, our son's birth, Jane's baby shower and my sister's college graduation), her obsession with the idea of a "perfect family" and her disgusting attitude towards Luke. I also made sure to mention her habits of going through mine and my sister's stuff when we were younger. It's trivial, compared to everything else, but this behavior went on until my sister moved out of their house, only three months ago. We're pretty sure she found out about Jane's wedding dress appointments by reading my sister's planner while she wasn't home, for instance. Some of the memories I mentioned are long and hard to explain, but they did cement the fact that SM means nothing to me. He tried to go with the whole "she doesn't feel included" excuse again, but I shut him up. I said he'd had the opportunity to protect his grandchildren, but had chosen his monster of a wife instead, and that's enough for me to want nothing to do with him. I hung up without saying goodbye. My sister told me he called her afterwards, and she told him she was going NC with him as well. I think we're both starting to accept our father won't change. It sucks, but he's made his priorities clear, and his children and grandkids aren't among them. For now, that's it. Now that they're fresh in my mind, I'm thinking about sharing some of the stories I reminded my father of, but that's gonna take a while. Until then, as always, best wishes to all of you. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >"But she only hit him once" would have ended the phone call for me. OP: I almost hung up on him when he said that. The only reason I didn't was because I knew I wasn't gonna talk to him again anytime soon, and I still had a lot to say. . >I am curious how your stepbrother is handling all of this. Like, the RO is something you can't just push away. A judge stated that what his mother did was so terrible she needed to stay away from those children. It just feels like something you can't stick your head in the sand and claim that you could never believe that your mother could hurt someone like that OP: I haven't spoken to him since days before the RO, and he hasn't tried to contact me or my sister. He was still in denial last time we talked, but seemed a bit doubtful. Tbh, I think he's the only one who isn't a complete lost cause and still has a slight chance of coming around. He's still banned, but I might be willing to talk to him about this whole thing. . >Holy hell. If you are comfortable sharing I know many of us would want to hear those hijacking stories. Hope the kids don't have too terribly long impact on their life from this, especially the preschooler. OP: Luke hasn't mentioned her in a while. I don't doubt he was affected by this, but I think he understands everything is okay now. Our baby is barely a year old. And if it's up to me, he won't even know she exists until he's grown. I'll definitely share some of the stories as soon as I can bring myself to write them down. . >It’s crazy how the court gave your dad a chance not giving him the protection order and you giving him a chance to explain on the phone and he still managed to screw up. You guys gave so many chances and your dad fails to see that SM is a bad person. Your dad doesn’t seem like he’s going to change and until he does somehow, stop giving him more chances. OP: That was his last chance, and he blew it. If he ever comes around (and that's a big "if"), it'll still take me a long time to allow him back into our lives. . *When I reached out for permission to post the new update, I asked OP how things are going with the abuse charges against the step mom:* OP: Not much development on the charges so far. SM had no prior record. We're thinking of aiming for a plea deal, but things are moving slowly. &nbsp; *Flairing this ongoing as the wedding hasn't happened yet and step monster hasn't gone to court on the abuse charges yet* &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12yazza/entitled_stepmonster_got_herself_banned_from_my/

12yazza

AITA for not sending my daughter to a different school district so she could be in gifted education?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/aitagiftedschool in r/AmItheAsshole on April 11, '23 updated on April 19, '23. &nbsp; Mood Spoiler: >!Infuriating!< --- &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12j4vto/aita_for_not_sending_my_daughter_to_a_different/)** April 11, '23 &nbsp; AITA for not sending my daughter to a different school district so she could be in gifted education? I have 3 kids, Michelle (7), Juliet (6), and Leo (2). Michelle and Juliet are in kindergarten and first grade at our local public school. Juliet, however, is very gifted. She came into kindergarten reading chapter books and was doing math at a 2nd grade level. She’s obviously doing great academically but struggles socially at her school for a couple reasons. Firstly, she doesn’t understand that other people’s brains don’t work like hers and tends to get frustrated when people take a bit longer to figure things out. Second, she’s just a huge bookworm and would rather spend recess reading instead of playing with the other kids, then she gets upset that she can’t talk about her books with them. I was recently called into a meeting about Juliet with her teacher, the principal of her school, and the superintendent. They basically said that they don’t have the resources to support Juliet in her school or any schools in the district but there’s a school 2 towns over specifically for gifted students from 1st-10th grade, then for 11th and 12th grade, they have a building at a community college and she would be taking college courses for high school and college credit. She would have to test in to the school but her school will provide the testing. The school sounds great for her but it’s close to 30 minutes away from her current school. It starts and ends 45 minutes later than her current school so I’d still be able to get her and Michelle to school on time but it would eat up at least 2 extra hours of my day and I don’t have that kind of time for school drop off and pickup, nor do I have the patience to deal with a 2 year old in the car for 2 hours per day. My husband works in the opposite direction and wouldn’t be able to drop her off. We could ask my FIL, he sometimes drives the kids around for me but I don’t want to have him do drop off and pickup 2 hours per day. My husband does not agree with me at all. He thinks I should be willing to make the drive for her and insists that I have the time because I’m a SAHM. I brought up the issue of having Leo spending that much time in the car but he says that I could just have his parents babysit. I still don’t think it’s worth the 2 hours per day that I’d have to put in to take her to this school so I went through with enrolling her in our local public school for next year and my husband is furious with me for “ignoring her social and academic needs”. AITA for not enrolling her in the gifted school because it would take too much time to get her to and from school? &nbsp; *In the comments:* >What does Juliet want? OP: Juliet doesn’t know about any of this. . >Can the school offer school bus options? OP: They don’t offer school busses . >YTA, sorry but we sacrifice for our children first and foremost. The “I don’t have the patience” comment pushed it over the edge. OP: Do you want to sit in a car with a 2 year old for at least 3 hours per day (10-15 minutes to get Michelle to school, 30-40 minutes to get Juliet to school, 45 minutes to get home, then doing it all again a few hours later) . >You are a SAHM have you considered homeschooling? You could easily fit a curriculum to meet her needs and you would not have to spend all the time driving. I don't think YTA for not wanting to drive but you are a little bit for not considering your husband's wishes or looking for other options that will support her needs. OP: We tried that for a year with preschool and I couldn’t handle homeschooling her. . >what is your plan to help her get the support she needs if she stays in her current school? OP: she works with a reading specialist 2 days a week and gets 2nd grade advanced math work to do in class. From what I understand, she doesn't go to the second grade class. Her teacher gives her the work to keep her occupied while she deals with the rest of the class and she goes to her teacher if she has questions. . >Why don't they just skip her a grade or 2? OP: Schools don’t like to do that now. . >Honest question, what does your day look like? Do you run a business during the that occupies your time? What is an activity that is so productive and useful to you that you believe it is a better allocation of time instead of investing into your very gifted daughter’s education? OP: Keeping a 2 year old boy alive. . >Is there any way they’d accommodate Michelle too? OP: No. This school is just for gifted kids. I asked about sending Michelle there too and was pretty much told that she doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting into that school. . *A bit more info from OP:* She gets 2nd grade advanced math (what they give to the advanced 2nd graders) and works with a reading specialist twice a week. Carpool would be possible for Michelle. Juliet likely wouldn’t be able to carpool due to the size of the school and the distance. I'm not denying her an education. I just don’t have the time to take her to this school. My husband won’t be able to change his work schedule. I’m not moving for an elementary school &nbsp; *Judgment: Asshole* &nbsp; **[UPDATE: AITA for not sending my daughter to a different school district so she could be in gifted education?](https://www.reddit.com/user/aitagiftedschool/comments/12sgu2h/update_aita_for_not_sending_my_daughter_to_a/)** April 19, '23 &nbsp; I found out that my husband took Juliet to get tested for the gifted school behind my back and she got in. After he found out that she was accepted, he let our housekeepers go (we have housekeepers come twice a week) and canceled my gym membership to pay for a service to drive her to and from school, all without telling me. As a result of his actions, I’m currently staying with my parents and we will be getting a divorce. Juliet will be starting her new school in July (it’s one of those year round schools) and my soon to be ex just had to tear our family apart to make it happen. I hope you’re all happy with the outcome. *In the comments:* >So you want a divorce because your husband figured out the best way to help your child? OP: He can’t make decisions about my life without consulting me &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12zaume/aita_for_not_sending_my_daughter_to_a_different/

12zaume

AITA for inviting my fiancé's younger sister to our wedding?

ONGOING

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Difficult-Article-19. *This is my first post on BORU, go easy on me*. \- \- \- \- \- Trigger Warning: >!Child abuse and next level ableism!< Mood Spoiler: >!frustrating but a bit hopeful in the end!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12qow3i/aita_for_inviting_my_fiancés_younger_sister_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) on r/AmItheAsshole *April 18th 2023. The post was quickly locked.* I (F25) am engaged to my fiancé (M32). We've been dating for 4 years before getting engaged last year. We've always gotten along well with each other's families and celebrated holidays together. Both of our families were happy when we announced our engagement.  I recently found out that my fiancé actually has a 15-year old younger sister (let's call her An), who I never met despite her living at her parents and me visiting often. When I asked about her during a family dinner, they glared at me and coldly said I shouldn't mention her and that I should forget about her. The intense response kind of shocked me so I dropped the subject, but I tried to talk about it with my fiancé after we got home. He brushed it off and said An doesn't want to be part of the family, so she's not allowed to join any family events or gatherings until she decides to talk to them. Maybe because I'm generally a curious person, but something just felt off. Even at my fiancé's parents home, there are pictures of their children everywhere, but there's not a single picture of An  A few days I contacted An, saying I'd love to get to know my future sister-in-law. We met up in a cafe and she is such a sweet girl. But it turned out she's mute. She can hear, but just can't talk. Her parents got it into their heads that she's able to talk, but chooses not to, because there's no way a child of them would have a disability. So they excluded An from the family until she talks. We talked (I talked, she wrote, I don't know sign language) and I really feel sorry for her. I invited her to my wedding, telling her that I'd love to see her there.  When I later told this during a family dinner with my fiancé's family, they blew up. Telling me how I dared to talk to An and to revoke my invitation, because if An doesn't want to talk to them, she doesn't deserve to be a part of the family and shouldn't be allowed to join in family events. They told me I shouldn't stick my nose in their family business. My fiancé sided with his parents, telling me to just forget An exist and apologise to his parents. This angered me because I thought my fiancé would have my back, and I yelled at them that I'm not going to uninvite her, that she deserves to be treated better.  Since then, my fiancé has been constantly telling me that I'm behaving like a child throwing a tantrum and to apologise to his family for my behaviour, but I just can't accept the way An is treated. It also made me worry if we end up having children, would my fiancé treat our child the same if they'd end have a disability of some kind?  Some of my friends are also saying that I should just let it go and not overreact so much. That every family does things their own way, so I should just apologise and do as they tell me to prevent my relationship from suffering. AITA for inviting An to my wedding, after having learned how my fiancé and his family thinks about her?  *AITA judgement: YTA, but along the lines of "you would be an asshole for marring into that family". OOP does not get a change to comment before the post is locked.* ***Update on*** [usersub](https://www.reddit.com/user/Difficult-Article-19/comments/12sp0y7/update_and_extra_info_for_my_aita_thread/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) April 20th, 2023 Hello everyone, I wanted to reply to everyone in the thread I made, but by the time I woke up, it had already being locked. Because of the word limit, I wasn't able to write more clearly, so I am sorry for that. I am writing this to clarify a few things and give an update. About calling child services. I don't life in America or Europe, and where I life child services aren't really great or reliable. I worry that if they get involved, it will end up being worse for An. A lot of people made the assumption that An is locked up. This is not the case, she can go outside when she wants, has a phone, laptop and internet access. She even has a parttime job. It is just that her family don't involve her with anything and ignore her presence. An said to me that she tried to have a connection, but gave up and is now just waiting until she can move out. Whenever I visited their home, it was only for a few hours at a time, and I just never had any reason to go upstairs. Until the bathroom at the ground floor was broken and I had to use the upstairs one. After I learned about her, I contacted her through social media. For information on her being mute. She said to me it is a birth defect that cause her to be physically unable to make sounds. Apparently this is what the doctors told her parents when she was young, but they chose not to believe it. Now for update to the situation. Yesterday I tried to have a serious talk with my fiancé but it resulted in another big fight, and I decided to break of our engagement. After having read all the replies, I finally started noticing the patterns and red flags in his behaviour, and I feel stupid for not having seen them earlier. I said to him that if he ever wants to have a chance with me again, he needs to fix his and his family's behaviour and start treating An better. I also said to him that if An is such a burden to them, to send her to my place instead. I don't know what will come of that, but I put the offer out there. I send An a message with this as well. I'm now sending textmessages to An a lot, so I will try to keep in contact at least. &#x200B; Edit: update [comment](https://www.reddit.com/user/Difficult-Article-19/comments/12sp0y7/update_and_extra_info_for_my_aita_thread/ji1a7jt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) in her usersub post. This was after this BORU post: Hello everyone, People have been asking me for update, and things have been busy. I've talked a lot (very a lot) with An this past week, and fortunately the situation hasn't gotten worse for her, but it also hasn't improved. We've been talking about getting her to live with me, but because she's a minor, just letting her stay with me could cause problems if her parents decide to spite me and report me, because it could be seen as kidnapping like I am removing a minor from their legal guardians supervision. We'd been looking at options to remove that problem and adoption came up, so I've been looking into that approach. At first I looked at them just signing over custody to me, but apparantly that is very difficult when I'm not family, and often only temporary. Because An wants it, I want it and her parents would rather see her gone anyway, I sent them an email about it and I think they agreed so quickly because then they wouldn't have any responsibility for An anymore. Legally there's a lot to do to make it official and it'll take a few months or longer, but because I have this in writing now, An will be moving in with me in June. It will be a bit hard at first because I don't have any say in anything until the adoption is actually done (if it actually succeeds), so I can't register her at a different school or different hospital, but we'll make it work somehow. In the meantime, I'm trying to learn sign language so we can communicate better, so hopefully that'll go well too. For my ex-fiancé, I haven't talked to him since I broke off our engagement. He has send me a lot of text messages about how unfair I'm treating him just because of someone I barely know, but I've been ignoring them (though for some reason my brain keeps trying to make excuses for him to excuse his behaviour). I'm feeling sad and a bit lost with how our relation ended because I really thought I found the one for me, but I guess he wasn't after all. I think it'll take a bit of time to really proces these feelings. I guess it kind of feels like betrayal? It's a strange feeling.

Reb_1_2_3

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12zywls/aita_for_inviting_my_fiancés_younger_sister_to/

12zywls

NEW UPDATE AITA for refusing to go to my own birthday dinner?

NEW UPDATE

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/marriedleperchaun](https://www.reddit.com/user/marriedleperchaun/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and her own post. I added paragraphs and turned letters into names for readability. **NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH \*\*\*\*\*\*** **I reached out to her last time and received her permission to post her story. (She gave me permission for the two previous BORU posts at the time:** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11valhk/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_own_birthday_dinner/) **and** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12g8ul9/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_own_birthday_dinner/)**.)** **Trigger Warnings:** >!miscarriage, medical abortion; infidelity; verbal abuse; physical violence/assault!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!violent but OOP is going to be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11oqj75/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_own_birthday_dinner/)**: March 11, 2023** Using a throw away because my sil knows my main. So a little back story I (25f) and my husband Vernon (36) have been married for 5 years. It was arranged by my grandfather and his uncle, we are not American so it's common here. Vernon wasn't too thrilled about the marriage and he made it very clear because he was already in a relationship with Felicity. (30sF). Long story short Vernon, his family and Felicity did the most to make my life hell and my dumbass was stuck on the idea that one day he might change. About 3 years ago I found out I was pregnant and I was excited but he wasn't given we only had sex a handful of times before that he got it into his head that it wasn't his, the baby had complications and I had to get a medical abortion. Not once did he or his family come to the hospital and I guess that opened my eyes and I just stopped caring. I stopped trying, I just stopped caring. Early last year, he suddenly started caring, coming home early, calling me, bringing me flowers, it was quite uncomfortable for me. Then he tells me that he's had a change of heart and wants to try to better our marriage because he's developed feelings for me???? It's all fishy to me honestly, I wouldn't trust this man as far as I can throw him. He's been doing these little things and I just can't shake that there's a joke coming at my expense. Now onto the story, it was my birthday last weekend and Vernon told me his family was hosting me a birthday dinner, I told him I wasn't comfortable with that and the last time I was at his parents they literally told me I was my babys complications were my fault and kicked me out coz Felicity was uncomfortable not to mention that they haven't apologized, just started acting friendly. I kept telling him no and he kept insisting, he let it go and I assumed that was that. I made plans and went out with my mom and cousins and he starts calling me asking me where I am, I tell him and he tells me that he's waiting for me uhhm what???? Long story short, he's family is mad that I skipped because they apparently wanted to apologize so that we could move forward and Vernon keeps saying he understands why I did it but has been apologizing for everything and nothing. last night Felicity called to cuss me out because they've left her high and dry and Vernon wants nothing to do with her so maybe they did want to apologize. I thought I was in the right but now even my cousins are telling me I was wrong for skipping, now am doubting myself AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *About OOP:* "Yes I do work as a teacher, I don't make much but since everything in the house is taken care of by Vernon, I've managed to save up a sustainable amount. I can leave and there wouldn't be much consequences on myself, nothing physical anyway, it's my family that would suffer because me leaving would cause them to be shunned by the community, this means they won't be allowed in shops, they could starve and people would watch them because their morals would be put to question. Am looking into ways to take them with me to the next city." *Birth Control:* "Birth control isn't exactly a thing here because it defeats the whole populate the earth thing, so I only get one option which I don't completely trust but we haven't had sex in a year so but I have it just in case" *Why did his uncle arrange the marriage?* "Am sorry, I don't know how to add an edit to the post but Yes, his uncle is the head of the family and doesn't like Felicity because she's not from our culture. Vernon didn't go against his uncle because it would lead to his shunning, marrying me had benefits such as the house we live in and a piece of land in the farming areas, so I guess that was it. His uncle mentioned to the family that the only way the marriage would end was if I was to initiate it, I didn't know about any of this and everything has started making more sense now." *One last comment from OOP:* "Honestly I don't understand the elders reasoning behind our marriage, all I know is that I was of age to marry and had to marry before I was out of season. At the beginning I truly believed we could work it out because that's how most of my relatives marriages started out and they are happy now. After I realized it was a lost cause I couldn't leave because a divorce is unacceptable unless there is physical abuse. When F called me to cuss me out she spilled the beans about the house being a benefit of the marriage and the uncle not liking her because she's not from our culture, I plan on asking V or the others about more information because am in the dark and it's killing me, I want to make a well informed decision on my next step going forward. At this point am only staying because I don't want my family to suffer the shame of me leaving." **Mini update/edit:** **March 12, 2023 (next day) (also in comments)** wow! I wasn't expecting this to get as much attention as it has. Am overwhelmed and am sorry if I won't manage to reply to everyone. Thank you for your kind words and advice. Some more info on my family because I saw repeating questions in the comments, my family didn't know about most of what was going on, I chose to not tell them, but they still found out were and are still willing to handle the effects of me leaving but I can't let them do that, everyone is happy and this would disrupt their lives greatly. I can't bring myself to that especially to my little nieces. A few hours after I made the post I decided to have a talk with Vernon after he came home from work. It went somewhat ok, I followed some advice in the comments about starting over on my terms. I asked him questions I needed answers to and he gave me answers. I wasn't completely satisfied but it's a start. I told him I would give our marriage a chance but he had to know that he was completely done with Felicity and would be completely on board with this, I told him to stop with the love bombing because it was making me uncomfortable, I told him I would absolutely not be having kids in the near future. I told him I was in no way ready to be his wife and we would continue with our separate rooms. Surprisingly, he was on board with all of this and said that he wasn't a boy anymore and that he was getting older and he needed to sort himself out and make things right, I asked him if he only had a change of heart because he wanted me to take care of him in his old age and he said no, he said he realised that Felicity isn't what he's always wanted and started seeing her manipulate toxic ways (his words), he said he was willing to put the house in only my name (it's 40%mine) entirely as a way of showing that he is all in and would mess up of I give us a second chance. He said he was willing to give me as much space as I need. He said he'll have a word with his family about me needing time and space and taking baby steps Honestly, don't know where this will go at this point. I don't know the direction in which we are headed but am willing to try so I can have a free conscious. I've started making a back up plan to leave but thats in the worst case scenario I'll update if anything significant happens. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/129iwc7/aita_for_skipping_my_own_birthday_dinner_update/) **(Also in comments): April 2, 2023 (3 weeks later)** Hey everyone. So a few things happened that I thought y'all needed to know. First off, I'd like to thank everyone for your care and support, I never thought I'd cry after reading words but you have no idea how much courage your kind words have given me. I told Vernon to go through with the transfering of the house into my name and he did, I guess he knew he would be getting more money. So now I own the house. Nobody was telling me anything about the 180 change so I decided to go to Felicity (I know it was stupid). She was the only one who was willing to give me any information since she's spiteful and I think I got what I needed. It's not much but it's enough to cement my decision. Turns out, Felicity had her womb removed when she was younger so she can't give Vernon children, the whole family found out and turned against her. And Uncle has been speaking of retiring and Vernon has been at war with Uncles sons to either take over the business or become one of the decision makers and a child would guarantee that he would give a large sum of the company shares that would be in his name and the child's and since Felicity couldn't give him a child, I was the solution. Felicity told me as much as she knew, and so I went to one of Vernon's cousins I confronted him about what Felicity said and after a heated back and forth he finally confirmed everything. I don't know why but that hurt, even though I knew it was too good to be true I still held onto hope that maybe I was wrong. After conversation I decided to play along until I could get out. He completely cut of Felicity and it's scary just how much he's acting like she never existed. I put in a transfer to a city 12 hours away from here, my headteacher knows my situation and swore not to tell the. I brought up moving to my family and majority of them said I'd be selfish if I did that and their whole lives are here and all that but honestly i feel I should put myself first, I told them it was just a thought and that I would never do that. My mom and brother have been my biggest support system and am taking them with me, my cousins is moving with my little nieces to his wife city. So that's that. I found a house where my mom, brother, two cousins and I will stay. I listed this house for sale on a private auction page. (this will cause a big blow out but I won't be here so lol). I live this place in about a 40 days and the most tiring thing is to get my affairs in order without rising suspicion. I refused to be intimate with Vernon and told him I wasn't ready he told me we'll work on my time but I see him getting more and more frustrated each day. Even though am scared for myself and my family on what they will do when they find out I've decide to leave and am not changing my mind. Am still young and I honestly don't want to end up like my mother, in a loveless marriage with a cheating alcoholic. I took words of internet strangers for me to realize that and am so grateful. Am sorry if this is all over the place. I'll update if anything changes. ***OOP's response to me when asked if it was ok for me to post her story:*** "Hello. Thank you so much for your care and support. So far we are safe and everything is going according to plan. I would like for the post to stay up because I want my story to be out there. If anything happens to me I want everyone to know." **\*\*\*\*\*Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/marriedleperchaun/comments/12t68wc/update/)**: April 20, 2023 (5 weeks from OG post)\*\*\*\*\*** Hello again. I didn't think I would be making an update this soon, but I messed up big time. I've never been so scared in my life. So a couple of days after I made the last update, my sister in law found the post and showed it to Vernon. I knew my time was up and I had to make a move. So I let my mom and brother know that's we had to be ready to leave at any moment. Vernon was not happy and he made it very clear. He told me we were to have a family meeting the next day, and I knew, I just knew we had to get out. When he went to attend evening prayers, I gathered all important belongs I had and told my mom and brother to get ready because we had to leave. I gave them the information they needed to leave incase I didn't make it. We had the meeting in the afternoon and it wasn't pretty, the uncle came and he was angry that I brought Shame to the family with my actions and everyone took that as a greenlight. I ended up with a split lip and a dislocated shoulder and a few broken ribs but at least I didn't go down without a fight. Looking back, I feel proud of myself, I spoke up for myself, I defended my self and the people I love. I honestly thought I wasn't going to come out alive. I couldn't breath properly I couldn't move, for a while I just thought of killing myself because I was in so much pain. But my mom and brother managed to get me out, I don't know how,I don't remember a lot because my memory became foggy but I got out and am alive. We reached our knew home. My family is still adjusting and am still healing. I hope I heal in time to start working. We are safe, even though am scared that they might find us, am relieved, I feel free. I just thought I'd let everyone know, how am doing. A lot has happened in so little time sometimes I feel like it's a dream and I'll snap back to reality. I won't say much and I don't think I'll make more posts after this one. Thank you all, thank you to everyone who supported me, thank you for your kind words, thank you for making me realize that I deserved more that I am worth more. To all the women that shared their stories with me, you all gave me the courage that I needed to stand up for my self. No words can ever express my gratitude to you, internet strangers ♥️ Also thank you to the gentlemen who asked me out to lunch, lol. Grace, I know you'll see this. I don't hate you. Just know that you're a woman and you'll also get married but I hope your husband's family doesn't treat you the way you treated me. I wish I could be there to see tho look on all your faces when the new owner of the house comes and kicks your beloved brother out of his palace. I wish you everything you deserve in all your future endeavours. If I've left any information please let me know. ***I marked this as a New Update but it also could be concluded. I sincerely wish OOP the absolute best moving forward.***

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1309tyg/new_update_aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_own/

1309tyg

OP No Longer Wants Her Friends To Babysit (New Update)

NEW UPDATE

This is a new update in an ongoing story that has been shared here previously. The new update will be marked with 🔴🔴🔴 Originally posted by u/hidinabottle in r/AmItheAsshole on Dec 10, '22, updated Dec 18, '22 and April 20, '23. &nbsp; I'm removing the Spoiler formatting on this one. **Mood Spoiler: This is a tough story, the update is positive** &nbsp; Trigger Warning: &nbsp; >!child abuse, sexual abuse, child pornography charges!< &nbsp; [Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zi5hwt/aita_for_looking_into_professional_babysitter_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Dec 10, '22 &nbsp; AITA for looking into professional babysitter for my child? I have a daughter who is roughly 1 year old. Her name is Allison. Her dad and I both work full time jobs, where I work between 35-40 hours a week and he works anywhere between 40-45 hours. We both work mornings. My friends Tom (23m) and Skylar (24f)had volunteered to watch Allison for us as Tom worked from home and Allison isn't known to cry very often. At first it was going great. Tom would have Allison in a separate and baby proofed room where she could play with her toys while he worked. Then Skylar would take over when she came home. We offered pay many times but they kept refusing. And Skylar would ask us to bring Allison over if it had been a while since we asked her to help with babysitting. Finally we agreed to them having Allison 3 days a week but the made us promise to stop offering to pay them. It was great for a while. It really worked out. But then Allison started coming home with rashes from stale diapers. She'd be extremely fussy and hungry by the time we got home. We would talk to Tom and Skylar about this and request they were more observant of her diapers at the very least. Her thrashing and screaminf because diaper ointment hurt broke my heart every time. Especially since I knew it was avoidable. They'd say yes, but after a while would go back. They have recently started lying to get out of our arraignment. Claiming to be out of town for the week, then Snapchat us them being at home with their birds. Claim they were sick but our mutual friends would still be hanging out. And claiming that they wouldn't be at home all week for work, when Tom works strictly from home. His job doesn't even have a main office. Without them knowing, we registered Allison with a professional daycare service. I drop her off in the morning and her dad picks her up. Word got to Skylar and Tom and now they're blowing up our phones calling us evil, shifty, and rude for not telling them they wouldn't have Allison anymore. And claiming I betrayed their trust by not talking to them about my concerns. AITA for finding a daycare for Allison? &nbsp; *When asked why they would offer to watch Allison for free:* They had said it was because Allison was a joy to be around and that they had no problem doing a favor for their friends. They said accepting payment just felt wrong for something they volunteered and wanted to do. *When asked about Allison being kept in a separate room all day:* We were under the impression that Tom would be interacting with her semi-frequently. He told us that his job is extremely slow paced and in the 4 hours he would be working while looking after her, he would have a 1 hour lunch and a 15 minute break. Plus the ability to be with her until he heard a notification from his computer. *More info in the comments:* As for the visits, we haven't seen them in three weeks, so they haven't been around Allison. And I don't see that changing. I just have this sick feeling in my gut and I don't know if it's guilt or instinct. We had been talking about possible overnights once a week due to the late pickup and early dropoff times (6am to 8pm due to our work schedules and drives) and I'm just glad I had never agreed to it. My husband and I are going to be calling Allison's pediatrician tomorrow morning. I have this sick feeling and with every traumatic diaper change it gets worse. I'm praying that everyone's dark thoughts are wrong but I can't shake this feeling. Our pediatrician is available for an emergency appointment with us today, thankfully. We're in the waiting room now. If Allison's pediatrician wasn't available, we would've gone straight to an urgent care nearby. *Verdict: Not The Asshole, but get your baby examined by a doctor.* &nbsp; UPDATE (undated, in an edit) I am not ready to go into too much detail yet, but we have been advised by Allison's pediatrician to launch an investigation against Tom and Skylar for what I thought was a diaper rash. It was apparently burns, which would explain how it appeared in the course of one day as badly as it had and why it didn't seem to be healing. Allison is not going into her daycare tomorrow. She will not be leaving my side. My boss is offering me the ability to stay home with her during the course of everything. If a further update is requested at a later time, I will. But I can't for right now. I don't have the mental capacity. Thank you, everyone, for assuring me I did the right thing and advising medical council. I feel like a horrible mom for not doing so sooner, but will put that aside for now to care for my daughter. &nbsp; [UPDATE Dec 18th](https://www.reddit.com/user/hidinabottle/comments/zpei7b/update_aita_for_looking_into_professional/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I want to start by saying thank you so very much for everyone's kind words and advice. It's been an insane week since I had posted and I have no idea how it would be if I hadn't followed the advice of everybody here. As I had updated on the previous post, I followed the advice of the comments and took Allison to her pediatrician for an emergency appointment. I had thought it was a bad diaper rash she had come home with four weeks ago, and last week learned it was chemical burns. Following that update, both my pediatrician and all of you pushed for me to get the police involved. I didn't have to be asked twice. Tom and Skylar are being investigated by the police for what they did to Allison. I don't know a lot yet, but I was told that Tom and Skylar would in no way win the case. Tom was apparently unemployed the whole time and his "job" was maintaining a website he and Skylar made documenting what they were doing with Allison and two other children. The website has been taken down already, and the other parents are being investigated as well due to evidence of consent. A detective also informed me that Tom and Skylar had admitted guilt to their actions (I haven't been told what the actions were, but my husband knows and he has said that Tom and Skylar were lucky the police found them first). They have provided the items in which were used. I was told the burns likely came from a lubricant that Tom and Skylar used. I didn't ask why they had it, and I'm praying it was intended as a Desitin substitute. Probably naive of me. Allison is still home with me, and my husband and I are looking into a multitude of therapy options. We are also looking into moving back to where our families are. Or my brother moving in with us to help us ground ourselves to reality again. My MIL has already booked a hotel nearby and is with us every day to help us make sure Allison knows she is safe and loved. I wish she could talk and understand that we won't let anything happen to her again, but for now I will settle with holding her when she needs me, and rubbing her back when she goes to sleep. Life will not be the same moving forward for a while and I know that. I am just beyond thankful that I posted and everybody here was able to point out the red flags and concerns so that I could make the right choice for my daughter. I was blinded by 15 years of friendship and couldn't fathom that they had intentionally hurt my baby girl. I see that now and will forever carry that with me, as it was a failure on my part to protect my daughter. The rose colored glasses are off now. Thank you to everybody here for helping me and my family. &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 &nbsp; **[UPDATE: AITA for looking into professional babysitter for my child](https://www.reddit.com/user/hidinabottle/comments/12tfe01/update_aita_for_looking_into_professional/)** April 20, '23 &nbsp; It's been a long time since I've even thought of reddit, I'll admit. But I logged on today and saw a slew of messages from people. People asking how I was doing, how Allison was doing. It's a lot. I also had some notifications of reddit giving me numbers for a crisis line which shows that even some more silent people were concerned. I appreciate every single one of you all that messaged me. For everyone wondering, Allison is doing better. Her therapy (three visits a week for now) is working well for her. She looks forward to her therapist showing up and they get along very well. Because of her age they're doing play therapy. I'm not a doctor so it doesn't make sense to me, but my little girl is acting like herself again. Diaper changes are still a struggle, but our pediatrician is helping us try for an early potty training so that Allison doesn't have to re-experience her trauma. We're not successful yet on that but it's too soon to tell I think. My husband and I are going to therapy as well. A lot of guilt in not seeing the signs that our therapist claims is misplaced. I'm not 100% sold on that idea yet but again, therapy probably takes a while. I still feel like I shouldve known and that I failed my kiddo, but I'm working on it. Tom and Skylar have their sentencing next week. My lawyer is saying they'll likely be put away for a long time. That Allison will likely have graduated college before they're out. The longer they're put away and suffering for what they did to my daughter and those two other kids, the happier I am. We've already moved to a new city. We wanted to move out of state but Allison loves her therapist. So we moved as far as we could while still being able to have the same therapist come for Allison. Coincidentally, closer to where the therapist lives. So she doesn't have to drive as far. I don't think I'll update again. But I just wanted to let you all know we're going to be ok. Allison is already showing improvement, and my husband and I are working on it. A couple of people had said that I should've known better, or that I was awful for accepting my (ex) friends' offer in the first place. And I agree. But I'm not going to let it rule my life. What happened happened. I can't change that. I did fail my daughter there. But I've learned and will be making everything as good as I can for her. I don't think I'll be posting again, so I just wanted to say one more thing. Thank you to everyone here on Reddit. You were all helpful and encouraging. I am beyond thank ful for all the kind words and support I got here on Reddit. &nbsp; **Your reposter here. I wanted to add this comment from u/Erininium about a book on safety tips:** >I got a book about safety to read to my kids (all about don’t go anywhere with a stranger, your private parts are private, safe grown ups don’t ask you to keep secrets from your parents, etc) and it has a section of tips for parents. One of them covers behavior to watch out for that might indicate that another adult is a predator. And two of the signs are offering to watch your child for free, and trying to get alone time with your child. Alarm bells were ringing in my head from the beginning of the post! >For any parents out there, the book is called “Super Duper Safety School: Safety Tips for Kids and Grown-Ups.” Well worth the $14 I paid as my 5yo can now recite all the “safety rules” by heart! *another helpful link:* https://themamabeareffect.org/red-flags-of-child-predators/ **Im flairing this ongoing, just in case OOP decides to post again after the sentencing. Reminder! DO NOT COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST OR MESSAGE THE OOP**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/130jy92/op_no_longer_wants_her_friends_to_babysit_new/

130jy92

OOP received a letter denying their passport application due to owed child support payments, despite not being aware of any children

CONCLUDED

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/12f6jds/can_i_owe_child_support_and_just_completely_be/) by u/astquart43 in r/legaladvice on 08 Apr 2023 **Can I owe child support and just completely be unaware of it?** I received this letter in the mail in response to a passport application I submitted almost a year ago. I contacted my department of state after months without a response regarding my application and never heard anything since. Fast forward to today, I randomly received this letter stating they denied my request because I owe child support payments. https://i.imgur.com/owlB6Mv.jpg I am 32 and have no knowledge of a child whatsoever. Hell, I’m not sure I’ve even had unprotected sex, let alone with a stranger who I wouldn’t expect would notify me of a child that’s potentially mine. This is freaking me out, and of course it happens on a Friday when I can’t get closure until next week. Is it possible I have a child and nobody has once ever tried to contact me about my paternal obligations? Is it possible the government made an administrative mistake with this letter? My name is somewhat common, but they attached my birth certificate and stuff so it just seems weird. Edit: they included a copy of the June 11 2022 letter they’re referring to with this letter, but it has nothing to do with child support or anything. Just saying I needed to complete an additional form for my lost passport. This is what that one says https://i.imgur.com/sd2ggRD.jpg -------------------------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/12i4804/update_i_received_a_letter_denying_my_passport/) by u/astquart43 in r/legaladvice on 11 Apr 2023 **Update: I received a letter denying my passport application due to owed child support payments, despite not being aware of any children** So sure enough, I called the department of health and human services the moment they opened today, and the first thing they said is “we get this call daily. Let me look you up and confirm”. They even have an automated option when you call that specifically outlines this exact scenario. Wild. In short, no kid and the passport center is terrible. Just to give anybody that was curious closure **I AM NOT THE OP**

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/130kmv3/oop_received_a_letter_denying_their_passport/

130kmv3

My mom took my cheating ex girlfriend's side over mine and I can never forgive her - New Update

NEW UPDATE

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/Expensive-Sun-679 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest TW: >!Infidelity!< Mood Spoiler: >!Sad, but hopeful updates!< *Note: The previous BORU about this can be found* [*here*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zp4qnq/my_mom_took_my_cheating_ex_girlfriends_side_over/)*. The new update is the second one, if you want to skip to it.* \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zhuaxy/my_mom_took_my_cheating_ex_girlfriends_side_over/) \- Dec. 10, 2022 **My mom took my cheating ex girlfriends side over mine and i can never forgive her.** Throwaway for privacy. I was raised by single mom. my dad died 2 years after i was born. I focused on my career for the most part of my life and my mom supported me doing that. but when i was 20 i met my ex girlfriend and we got together. we were colleagues first but she told me she'd work in a different sector soon. in her new workplace she met a new guy who she fell "in love" with while being in a relationship with me. i only found out because she admitted to have sex with him to me after she went out for "girls night" with her friends. i immediately broke up with her and threw her out. a few hours of me trying to process what happened my mum called me and shouted at me that she hasn't raised me like this. i was confused and asked what she meant and she said that my ex girlfriend accused me of cheating on her and that she "found prove" of that on my phone. i couldn't believe what i just heard. i tried to talk to my mother telling her that the exact opposite is true and that she has cheated on me but she didn't believe me. part of the reason is probably because she and my mom truly loved each other. i never had a problem with that. till then i liked how they got along with each other. my mother called me a liar and she said she'd disinherit me from her will as she's not having a cheater as a son. she said she never wents to see me again. then later my grandparents called me to tell me how disappointed they are of me and that i deserve every bad thing that is to come. you know what the worst thing was? i found out that my cheating ex girlfriend continued to meet with my mom after everything she did. all of this was so painful for me. the only person that sided with me was my best friend who was furious with her. i talked to him and he hugged me and i cried in his arms. i know many people would think thats unusual for two guys. but his support really helped me getting through this. one year later when i already was over it my doorbell rang and when i opened i saw my mom with teary eyes and i began to feel how my emotions are coming up and i slammed the door and started crying asking her what the f\*ck she wants here. she said she wanted to talk to me and that she was so sorry. after she begged for 15 minutes straight i gave in and opened the door. she said my ex admitted that she cheated when she was drunk. she apologized profusely and said that she knows that she failed as a mother not believing her own child. i told her that i accept her apology but i don't want to see her now and that i probably can never forgive her. even though she begged me to forgive her. over the last few months she started calling me daily "just to hear my voice" as she said. she said she missed me then apologized again and asked if i could just come over. her voice always sounded kinda painful and she always says how much she loves me and that even she could understand that i hate her she cannot live with this thought on her head. i don't even hate her. i still love her. she is still my mom but the trust is broken. i can never trust her again because what if i got into a relationship again. who says that she wouldn't just believe their word over mine again? i appreciate her efforts but i just cannot forgive her or even see her now. and i hope she understands that i need time. \~\~\~ [First Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Expensive-Sun-679/comments/zj01pb/update_my_mom_took_my_cheating_ex_girlfriends/) \- Dec. 11, 2022 **Update: My mom took my cheating ex girlfriends side over mine and i can never forgive her.** \*The original update on TrueOffMyChest was deleted and i don't know why. however i decided to post it here then.\* Hi there! After reading too many comments yesterday i decided to meet with my mom today to clarify everything. I texted her to come over and she didn't hesitate. she literally appeared at my door within 15 minutes. many of you pointed out good points i should ask her. even though she called several times we rarely really talked. so when she came over i sat her down in the living room. there i asked about my grandparents, her will and if she is still in contact with my ex. she explained that she had told my grandparents and she expected them to call me but it seems like they were too stubborn. she also said i'm in her will again. she then started talking shit about my ex. she said that when she found out she punched her so hard that my ex lost a few teeth. I very much doubt the accuracy of this story detail but i wanted to share it anyway because for me it was a funny thing to think about. she said she told her to "f\*ck off" and threw her out of the house. she then again started apologizing profusely and telling me that she knows how hard she messed up and that i probably can never trust her but she wants to do "everything in her power" to make this right. she explained that the man before my father had cheated on her so infidelity was a sensitive topic for her. and then she said that she regrets not believing me or even remotely hearing my side of the story. i sat quiet while she explained all this. i then asked her how i know that i could trust her now. what would happen if i got into a similiar situation and if she would just throw me away again. she said i have her word and i replied that her word is basically meaningless as i don't trust her in the first place. she didn't reply to that answer properly and again begged me to forgive. i told her that i cannot forgive her for now and maybe i will never be able to forgive her but i also see her efforts and if she wants me in her life again then she has to show me that i can count on her. she started tearing up. i could tell she tried to hold in her tears the entire time. but then she broke down crying and with a wimpering voice she asked if she at least could give me a hug. i accepted that and she said she's gonna make this right no matter what it takes and then she left. now while i am kinda touched in how she shows how much she regrets doing what she did i am really concerned about my own reaction. when she broke down and i saw my own mother there on the floor crying i didn't feel anything. i wasn't sad, i wasn't angry, i wasn't happy and i certainly didn't show any sort of empathy for her. i just couldn't. during the year of having no contact with her i refused to go to therapy. maybe its not to late to do that now. in the end i want to thank all of you for your nice comments and support. i tried to read every single one of your comments but the post kinda exploded way more than i expected. have a nice day! \~\~\~ **\*\*\*NEW UPDATE\*\*\*** [Second Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Expensive-Sun-679/comments/12hali6/how_im_currently_doing_update/) \- Apr. 10, 2023 **How I'm currently doing. (UPDATE)** Hi guys. Some of you probably waited for an update considering the last time I gave an update was four months ago. Ok so I was in therapy and I feel so much better now. Doesn't mean that i forgot what happened. I honestly have to admit my mom really improved herself. I moved into a new apartment last month and when I asked her to help she immediately said yes even though the day of me moving was a day where she had important appointments on her job which she canceled to be there for me. She calls me almost everyday to ask me how i am. Sometimes she even drives to my workplace to leave me a bit of lunch there. She also visits me at home just to see me. She says she wants to hear my voice. I still cannot fully trust her. I am in therapy but I'm not sure if i ever will be able to. But i do recognize her efforts to make things right. She also talked to my grandparents again and made them apologize but I couldn't care less about them. They were still dickheads even after the truth came out. Some of you might be interested what happened to my ex. The last thing I heard from her was that the guy she cheated on me with has now cheated on her too and he just saw her as some kind of fling. But thats just hearsay from the friends of my best friend. I don't know if its true or not and I don't really care about her at all. But if it was true it would be great karma though. Thank you so much for your support. I'll try to keep you updated if anything happens that is worth being told here. \~\~\~ **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13197ax/my_mom_took_my_cheating_ex_girlfriends_side_over/

13197ax

AITA for choosing my sister in law over my brother?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/frostykaleidoscope98 in r/AmItheAsshole on April 13, '23 updated on April 21, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Cheating!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12lg37a/aita_for_choosing_my_sister_in_law_over_my_brother/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)** April 13, '23 &nbsp; AITA for choosing my sister in law over my brother? Me (F17), Brother (F29), Sister in law (F29). My brother Jake (fake name) and sister in law Ashley (fake name) had been together since they were 15. They got married when they were 20 and have 3 kids together. Ashley and i have always been close, she’s like the big sister i never had. My whole family love and adore her and her and Jake always seemed to have the perfect relationship. A couple of weeks ago, Jake went on a trip with some friends for the weekend because it was one of their birthdays. Ashley didn’t go and stayed home with the kids. However during the trip Jake only checked in with Ashley once which was when he arrived at the destination and never again after that. It was unusual because he’s always on his phone and told Ashley and my family that he would check in. Ashley decided to call one of Jake’s friends to see if something had happened but when his friend answered he told Ashley that there was no trip and he had no idea where my brother was. After that we told Ashley to come and stay with us for the rest of the weekend as she was a bit distraught. My brother eventually came home on the Monday and said that he had lost his phone, which was absolute bs and we all knew it. Before he returned we asked Ashley what she wanted to do with what she knew, she told us not to bring it up with Jake and not to jump to conclusions and that she will handle it. After my brother arrived, he and Ashley headed back to their house. A few days later my brother messaged my mom to see if he could stay at ours for a bit but he didn’t say why. Not too long after, Ashley messaged us and told us that she confronted him about the trip and how she knew it didn’t exist. He kept denying it and said that she was just being crazy and that he just lost his phone. He eventually confessed that he was at a coworker’s house and that he had been hooking up with her for a few months. His excuse was that Ashley and him hardly had sex anymore and so he needed to find someone to full fill his needs. Ashley ended up kicking him out and they decided to get a divorce. My brother ended up moving in with us until he finds a place of his own and until the divorce is finalised. I haven’t spoken to him since he moved in and don’t plan to. All i can do is look at him in disgust, i have so much hatred towards him after what he done to Ashley. My parents are disappointed in him but still love him because he is their son. They told me to forgive him because he is my brother but i just can’t. I have started going to Ashley’s everyday after school to help with the kids and take some stress off her. My brother found out about this and is mad at me for going over there. He told me to cut her off since they are not together anymore and says she is no longer a part of our family so there is no need for me to to go see or speak to her. I told him that she will always be a part of our family because she is the mother of your kids. Just because you f*cked up your relationship with her doesn’t mean i have to. I will always love her and i will not be cutting her off. I told him that i will choose her over you if it comes down to that. After that argument he has not spoken to me or even looked at me. Every time he sees me he walks the other way. My parents have told me to apologise and fix things with him but i don’t think that will ever happen. My other brothers have sided with him and all think i’m a piece of shit for choosing Ashley over my brother. Deep down i still love my brother and don’t want to lose him but what he did is unforgivable to me. &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12tytmi/update_aita_for_choosing_my_sister_in_law_over_my/)** April 21, '23 &nbsp; UPDATE: AITA for choosing my sister in law over my brother? original post Firstly i just wanted to answer a common question i keep getting, is my brother still in contact with his kids? No he is not. He has not seen or spoken to them since he was kicked out. His own choice. Okay so i have not spoken to my brother since our argument, he refuses to talk to me as well as acknowledge me. My parents still insist that i apologise and make things right with him, i have told them i would try to make things right but i will not be apologising, however my brother does not want to hear anything i say. I have spoken with my parents about everything and how i feel, it was pointless. They don’t even try to understand my side of things, it’s just all about my brother to them. Ashley and the kids are doing great. Her family have came down to support her and help out, i also still go over there whenever i can. My parents have not seen the kids or spoken to them either. Ashley has made it clear that they can visit anytime they like but because my brother doesn’t want us to have anything to do with her, they refuse to go over. Ashley plans to gain full custody of the kids to which my brother has agreed upon, this was the only time they have spoken to each other since they split up. Ashley is also planning to move closer to her parents which i’m sad about but also happy for her and the kids. They deserve to be happy and away from all this toxicity. I don’t know if my brother & i will ever fix our relationship but i honestly don’t care anymore. I’m planning to go no contact with him once he leaves. There’s not much more to say. My brother is still behaving like a child and my parents and brothers still stand beside him. I will update if anything changes. Thank you to everyone for the kind words and advice. &nbsp; *Flairing this concluded as SIL is divorcing and moving away with the kids and brother has agreed to give her full custody.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/131rx6m/aita_for_choosing_my_sister_in_law_over_my_brother/

131rx6m

AITA for firing my bridesmaid for disclosing her diagnosis at my bachelorette?

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/pattiesni **in** r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: >!fetal alcohol syndrome!<   [**ORIGINAL POST + UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12i24hk/aita_for_firing_my_bridesmaid_for_disclosing_her/) \- 11th April 2023 I’m getting married in 3 weeks, and I just had my bachelorette over Easter weekend. During a quiet moment one of my bridesmaids took me aside and told me that about three months ago she was diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome. Obviously I asked her what that meant for her and she started crying because she feels differently about her relationship with her mother. We met in elementary school and she’s always had a learning disability, but she didn’t know that there was a preventable cause. My other bridesmaids noticed her crying, and the evening ended up being about her. We skipped out on going to a bar in the limo I had hired because she was upset. I thought about it all today and ended up emailing her to tell her that she took away an important moment from my life. I feel bad about this happening to her, but even though she didn’t always know it’s been going on for her whole life. If this was a recent thing she found out about or it was some kind of deadly disease I would feel differently, but she was sitting on this for months before bringing it up at an event that was supposed to be special to me. You only get one bachelorette and mine was totally overshadowed. I felt really hurt that she did that, and told her that I didn’t want to have her in my wedding if that’s how she’s going to treat me at a time where the focus was supposed to be something good in my life instead of something sad in hers. She could have waited a few more weeks until after the wedding if she wanted to have this conversation. She’s still invited to the wedding but I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid after this. I was just texting my cousin (my maid of honour) and she disagreed with me doing this. She said that it sucked that we didn’t go to the bar, but this other friend has already paid for her dress so I should just let her stay. My fiancé supports my choice, but I wanted another opinion. AITA? &#x200B; **Verdict - Everyone Sucks** &#x200B; [**Popular Comment that OOP responds to**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12i24hk/comment/jfv9km1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)\- **by** u/FunkshionalLiz The entire situation sucks. I'm curious here... was this the first time your friend was going to be around alcohol since finding out her lifelong issues stem from alcohol? Is it possible the idea of taking a limo out for a night of heavy drinking after learning heavy drinking caused her disabilities was overwhelming? If the answer to either of those questions is yes, then she may have been triggered with a real PTSD episode like she never would have experienced before. If both of those answers are no, then ESH. Here's the thing - your friend has been living an entire life of trauma and JUST found out the reason for it (3-4 months is nothing compared to 20-30 years). And now, it's possible in her head, going out for a night of drinking meant she was asking herself to pull the trigger on a fully loaded gun pointed at her temple. I can't even imagine the stress her brain and body were subconsciously going through. SHE probably doesn't even have any kind of idea the stress her brain and body were going through. It might take years of therapy for your friend to unwind her entire existence around alcohol. Now, if she's been drinkin' it up like her normal self, going out to bars, and partying like she always did since finding out about her FAS, she IS definitely the AH for bringing it up when she did. But because she pulled you aside to talk to you in private, I'm pretty sure that's not the case. You didn't say how the other bridesmaids noticed, if one person pointed it out, or if they all barged in on a private conversation or what. Those people may very well be the actual AHs. But you? I'd reflect on the above, and then reflect on HOW you chose to approach this with your friend. Telling someone you're hurt over their behavior is perfectly acceptable. Punishing them, on the other hand, will lose you friends. I guess it depends on whether you value her friendship or just wanted someone looking the part to be in your photos. Listen, I imagine you're still young. Your bachelorette party didn't go as planned. One night out in a limo didn't happen. Money was wasted. It seems like a BIG deal. A huge wasted memory. But it's not. You still have all the rest of your life ahead of you. Your wedding wasn't ruined. Due to cutting too many classes, I graduated out of summer school so didn't attend my high school graduation ceremony. I seriously thought I would be forever damaged by not attending. My mom has regretted for over 30 years not letting me attend to see my friends. You know what? It's no big freaking deal! Can you imagine? I never had a high school graduation ceremony, and my life has been fantastic!!! I never even had a graduation party after I graduated. Does not matter. I've managed to make so many other great memories over the years. It just does not matter. When I think about HS, I don't think about my graduation. And it turns out, none of my friends do, either. When I think about all the bachelorette parties I've been to, the core groups of friends are usually the same groups of friends who have always hung out, plus one or two people a couple of us are very familiar with and a few of us have never met or met a couple times. The parties aren't that different, and I've celebrated brides in at least 10 different states. The bride gets more drunk than we've ever seen her before, and one of us inevitably stays at her house overnight to help clean off her vomit, get her to bed, and make sure she doesn't die overnight. There's flirting and dancing with boys, and some women do things they'll regret forever. That's what you missed out on. A fun night out with friends that you may regret tomorrow. One party, one night of your life, didn't go the way you wanted. Sure, it's a bachelorette party. But what are you doing to remember now? How you helped a friend in need, or how you removed a friend from your life? None of us can tell you whether you're an AH or not. You know the facts more than we do. If you're looking for validation for your behavior, you will always find it. There will always be people who support you and those who tell you you're wrong. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to feel disappointed. It's okay to believe your friends ruined your events. You have to live with your actions. Are you proud of them or not? That's what tells you whether you're an AH.   [**Response to comment by OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12i24hk/comment/jfvhxac/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)\- 12th April 2023 Things are now resolved but damn this is an amazing comment. With more time to get over it and some perspective I realized I wasn’t proud of this. This friend and I aren’t as close as we used to be (I moved away for college, she stayed in our hometown), but I’m not ready to lose her entirely. I hope I won’t ever be. She’s done something like this once before, but she was 15 then and I shouldn’t have assumed she was intentionally trying to steal the attention as an adult. As for your questions she works in a restaurant so she’s been around alcohol since she was diagnosed, but it’s different when you’re serving it and not consuming it. We also saw each other at a mutual friend’s birthday party after her diagnosis where there was wine but I don’t remember if she was drinking. I think we need to have some more conversations eventually. I’ve gotten the sense that she resents me lately for having a different life than her. I went to college, graduated, and got engaged, and she’s never had a long term relationship and couldn’t finish community college. My fiancé and I have student debt and don’t make a ton of money, but we have an “adult” life. Now my friend has something to blame for not getting what she’s wanted from life so far, and it ends up being her own mom’s fault. Her mom isn’t perfect, but this is a big loss of trust. I’ve been focused on my own life problems. Wedding stuff, moving to a new apartment, my grandpa getting sick, etc. I think we both had a lot of big emotions building, and they came out at a super inconvenient time.   **UPDATE:** For those wondering I had actually seen her on two occasions since her diagnosis, including getting coffee one on one a week after it happened where she could have told me. It was the fact that she waited until my event to tell me and then derailed it that had me so upset. I hadn’t considered the fact that everyone pre drinking might have set her off. After reading a bunch of comments here I called her. I asked why she hadn’t told me before and she said she was still trying to process when I had previously seen her. She didn’t realize she was going to cry so much and distract everyone and ruin the mood. She said she felt really horrible about doing that and that she hadn’t meant to ruin the evening. I apologized for acting on my own hurt feelings and asked if she’d be willing to consider still being a bridesmaid. She said she really wanted to still be in the wedding. I don’t have the budget to have another bachelorette party, but I realize that I was only making that loss worse by hurting an old friend in addition to losing out on an event. I was definitely attributing her behaviour to malice when it was actually bad timing. Back in high school she did a similar thing to me because she was jealous of the attention I was getting as part of a competitive choir, but she’s grown up since then (we’re 23 and 24 now). I overreacted, and I honestly appreciate the tough love from this sub. It made me reconsider what I was doing and probably just saved a friendship.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Mist0fCapricorn

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/131xdp1/aita_for_firing_my_bridesmaid_for_disclosing_her/

131xdp1

My (28/f) dog growled at my niece (3/f) after she spent an entire evening harassing him. Now my brother (31/m) wants me to put the dog down.

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/throwra_toddlerdog **in** r/relationship_advice   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hdi6lt/my_28f_dog_growled_at_my_niece_3f_after_she_spent/) \- 22nd June 2020 Hi everyone. I have fostered a multitude of dogs in my life, and dealt with a lot of behavioral problems--dog aggression, cat aggression, food aggression, separation anxiety, super high prey drives...I've seen it all, and I've certainly encountered my fair share of dogs who weren't safe around small children. So I feel extremely confident in saying my current 5 year-old lab mix is safe for kids. He's basically a gigantic teddy bear, and loves everyone. However, it's always been my personal philosophy that dogs (and any other animal, really) should never be left alone with young kids, even if it's the sweetest, most mild-mannered dog in the world. The kids don't understand when they're pushing the dog past its limits, and the dog cannot reasonably be expected to put up with being harassed long after it's signaled that it would like to be left alone. My niece has never been good with my dog. She pulls his tail, climbs on/lays on him, hits him, pulls his ears, gets in his face and yells at him, and never gives him a second to himself unless she's forced to. He is basically a saint with her, but every dog has its limits. I stay as on-top of this behavior as I can, forcing her to leave him alone when it starts to seem like too much, and locking him away in a bedroom if she won't. My brother and SIL (30/f) really just don't get it, though. I've tried to talk to them about this behavior a bunch of times, and they know it's wrong, but they think it's wrong in the same way that her refusing to share or not picking up her toys is wrong. They don't understand that it's dangerous, and that if she was left alone long enough, my dog might lose it and attack her. This has been going on for over a year, I've tried to have this conversation with my brother over and over, but he always acts like I'm criticizing his parenting. Which is not the case; I don't think my niece is especially bratty or out of control for a kid that age, it's just that this behavior is dangerous to both her and my dog, and it needs constant intervention. The same way that a small kid playing with the stove isn't especially bratty, it's just especially dangerous, and needs to be curbed ASAP. I even tried having a dog trainer friend explain this to him, and he still didn't get it. I've tried to come up with excuses for why we can never meet at my house for our family hangouts, but I couldn't think of one the other day, and my brother and niece came over. I was cooking dinner and not paying enough attention to make sure my dog was okay (which was absolutely my fault, and I accept responsibility). I asked my brother a few times to keep her away from my dog, but he kept saying she was fine. I did move my niece away from him a few times, but I wasn't vigilant enough, and my dog ended up getting to the end of his rope and growling at my niece. I immediately grabbed my dog and brought him into my bedroom. I did not punish him at all; frankly, I'm glad that he signaled loud and clear that he was uncomfortable. I would never want to discourage him from doing that, because then next time, he'd skip the growling and go straight to attacking. I came out of the room, ready to talk to my brother about how this is what I've been talking about. But he was furious, yelled that my dog is a menace who should be put down, and left. I completely understood his reaction. That's his daughter, and he was afraid for her, and nothing else mattered to him. But he hasn't calmed down at all since this happened, and won't talk to me except to say my dog needs to be put down and he won't be speaking to me until it's done. He's also tried to involve our parents, who said they will absolutely not be getting involved (they know my niece's behavior with my dog has been a problem in the past). I have not heard from my SIL at all, which makes me think she might agree with me. Knowing her personality type, I don't really think she'd sit out a fight like this if she thought my dog was dangerous. The way I see it, this is solely my fault and my brother's fault. I shouldn't have allowed my niece to harass my dog; I knew what could happen, and I was more concerned about how upset my brother got when I tried to bring it up, than I was about my niece's safety. I should've just said my niece wasn't allowed around my dog until she got a bit older, and dealt with whatever fallout there was within my family. Similarly, my brother should've kept a better eye on his kid, and not been so defensive when I tried to explain the problem. My dog, on the other hand, put up with being harassed for over a year, and when he was finally pushed to his limits, signaled very loudly (and harmlessly) that he needed to be removed from the situation. He is not dangerous, and I will not put him down. My brother is now saying that the entire family has sided with a dog over his child, which is not the case. It's just that there are lots of other solutions to this problem. I am perfectly happy to crate my dog when they come over, or leave him in another room, or just never have them over again and hang out somewhere else. There's no reason for my niece to ever see my dog again, and I'd be happy to talk over a solution with him. It's just that he won't talk to me at all, and I don't know what to do. Should I give him more time to cool off? Should I go over to his house and try to talk? I don't want to ruin this relationship, we are very close, but I'm just not putting my dog down over this. tl;dr After a year of warnings and my brother refusing to do anything about it, my dog got fed up and growled at my niece. Now he wants my dog put down, and won't talk to me until I do it.   [**UPDATE - 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hf3nlc/update_my_28f_dog_growled_at_my_niece_3f_after/) \- 24th June 2020 Hey everyone, thank you so much for the advice on my previous post. It blew up while I was asleep and I couldn’t respond to everyone’s comments, but I did really appreciate all the people who took the time to give me advice on how to handle my brother. This update is kind of a mixed bag. My family has been having dinner together one night a week since the pandemic started, usually at my parents’ house. This week, I thought my brother and his family would sit it out, and it would be just be me and my parents. But my SIL showed up, without my brother or niece. She said she absolutely did not want to discuss what happened, so we didn’t. But I can’t imagine how pissed she must be at my brother, to openly go against him so she could attend a dinner with her in-laws. So that’s good. Since dinner went well and we all had a good time, I decided to send my brother a text this morning to try to make amends. The text I sent: >Hey bud. We missed you and \[niece\] at dinner last night. I was hoping you’d come by so we could talk about what happened with \[niece\] and \[dog\]. I understand why you’re upset and I’m really sorry that \[niece\] was scared. You know how much I love \[niece\] and I’d never want anything bad to happen to her. I absolutely won’t put \[dog\] down though. He’s not dangerous, it’s just that he can’t talk so he growled to communicate that he wanted \[niece\] to leave him alone. He’s a family member to me, I can’t put him down. Especially when he didn’t do anything wrong. But there’s lots of other solutions we can work out to keep \[niece\] safe. I’m totally fine if no one in your family ever wants to see \[dog\] again. Or if you want, we can talk with \[dog trainer friend\] to try to figure something out that keeps everyone safe. You know I think you’re a great dad and doing an awesome job with \[niece\], but I really think she would benefit from understanding how to treat animals. The next dog she meets might not be as relaxed as mine, and she could really get hurt. We can work on teaching her together. Do you want to meet for dinner next week? I can come to you and we can get takeout from \[restaurant\]. I miss you. The text I got back: >Once again, you and everyone else choose a dog over my human child. It doesn’t matter what \[niece\] did, she is a HUMAN and deserves to be safe. You’re really saying “well she started it” about your DOG almost attacking my CHILD?You can’t keep a dog that would attack a kid for being a kid. And I can’t believe you’re talking about the next time \[niece\] meets a dog. What about the next time YOUR DOG meets a kid? The next parent won’t be so understanding, \[OP\], they’ll call animal control and demand he be put down on the spot. No we can’t meet for dinner like nothing happened. And my response: >Sorry you feel that way. Please let me know when you’re ready to talk about it. I’ll be here. I know a lot of you think my brother is a dick, and just hearing about this one incident, I would too. But I really think every single one of us would come off as a dick if someone wrote a reddit post, asking for advice about the biggest asshole thing we’ve ever done. Everyone has their good and bad qualities, everyone is sometimes a chore to be around, and I love my brother. I don’t want to fight with him and I’m disappointed he’s determined to drag this out. I know a lot of you wanted me to just ignore him until he stopped acting like a jackass, or cut him out altogether, but that’s just not realistic for me and our relationship, and it’s not something I want. I do think my SIL is eventually just going to make him talk to me, so hopefully this won’t drag on for too much longer, but I’m just really sad about the whole thing. I’ve done all I can do, though. My SIL and I have plans to go hiking this weekend. tl;dr SIL and I are fine, brother still being a jackass   &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Mist0fCapricorn

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1330atk/my_28f_dog_growled_at_my_niece_3f_after_she_spent/

1330atk

AITA for dropping off two drunk, rude girls at the bus stop instead of driving them home? + NEW UPDATE

NEW UPDATE

Originally posted by u/ThrowRa-ne9in in r/AmItheAsshole. The original post and first update were compiled in a previous BORU by u/qwerty98765432101 found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vr4r1f/op_asks_if_aita_for_dropping_off_two_girls_at_the/). &#x200B; **ORIGINAL**: [AITA for dropping off two drunk, rude girls at the bus stop instead of driving them home? : AmItheAsshole (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vlu7iu/aita_for_dropping_off_two_drunk_rude_girls_at_the/) \- 27th June 2022. My boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend is always really rude to me. She wanted to hook up my boyfriend with one of her friends, so when I arrived into the picture she decided she hates my guts for 'ruining her friend's chance for a great relationship'. I was still trying to be nice if we had to hang out because of our boyfriends, but I preffered to avoid her, since she would always make a point to talk shit about my appearance/personality/fashion sense/work/etc. My boyfriend and his friend went to a festival together, I was supposed to pick them up after, because they were drinking. I arrived at the parking lot at 3AM to see my boyfriend, his friend, his friend's girlfriend and her friend - yes, the one she wanted to hook up with my boyfriend. I was surprised, but before I could ask about it they get into a car. Few minutes pass until the girlfriend's friend asked if I'm "the b-word that stole her loooooove", which spiralled into them going into a rant about everything that is wrong with me in their eyes, including how my boyfriend could do better. I told them that they are quite brave, considering the state they are in (completely wasted), since I'm driving them home and I can decide to just drop them off if they continue. They dared me to do so. So I did. Pulled up to the nearest bus stop, told them to get out. They thought I was joking until they saw me turning off the engine. In the end my boyfriend got annoyed, since he wasn't feeling well and wanted to go home, so he screamed at them to get out or he will drag them out of my car himself. His best friend tried to protest, but my boyfriend in his drunk state told him that it's my car, so he's not one to decide & if he has a problem then he wait for the bus with his girl and her friend or take an uber. My boyfriend, after waking up sober and remembering what happened, called me an asshole for kicking out two drunk girls out of my car in the middle of the night. I reminded him that his friend stayed with them, but it only angered him more for some reason. I was told that the girls were drunk, so I shouldn't take to heart what they were saying and that by dropping them off at the bus stop I've put them in unnecessary danger. He is going on about it for the past few hours, to the point when I don't know if I really did the bad thing and should apologize. &#x200B; *Judgement*: NTA &#x200B; **FIRST UPDATE**: [AITA for dropping off two drunk, rude girls at the bus stop instead of driving them home? UPDATE : ThrowRa-ne9in (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-ne9in/comments/vp92hb/aita_for_dropping_off_two_drunk_rude_girls_at_the/) \- 1st July 2022. AITA mods don't let me post an update, so I'm just going to write it here. Maybe people who saw m[y original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vlu7iu/aita_for_dropping_off_two_drunk_rude_girls_at_the/) will somehow find it. Well, I have an update, but first I want to answer some of the questions that were asked A LOT. At first I wanted to respond to each and every comment, but before I realized my og post blew up, so I decided to adress everything here. **Did you know your bf went on a double date?** No, it was supposed to be him & his best friend… which I have my doubts about, because the festival was ticketed & the tickets were sold out in a matter of days. I’m sure at least her boyfriend knew she was going. **Was the bus stop in the middle of nowhere?** No, it was in a city center, near the festival site and there were many other festival goers waiting. **Were the buses still running?** Yes, our city is hosting this festival for years now and they are always taking care of festival-goers – there are additional night buses, trams and even trains lines. **What if someone shot my bf’s bestfriend?** I’m really sorry for what’s happening in the USA, but we’re living in Poland, Europe. Now to the update, I know why my boyfriend was so adamant about me apologizing. Apparently his bestfriend’s girlfriend (& her friend) decided that I need to be „taught a lesson”. I’m not really sure what they were planning to do, but they decided to scare me somehow, as a form of revenge. My boyfriend decided it would be a great idea for me to apologize, so that they would calm down… instead of, you know, telling me. When asked why he would withold this information from me, he said that he didn’t want drama (as if there’s not enough drama already with this psycho). He told me all of this because his bestfriend broke up with her in the end over her craziness. So my boyfriend deemed it appropriate to tell me I no longer have to apologize, lol. I contacted his bestfriend asking if he would be willing to tell what he knows about his ex & her plans to authorities, if she would ever come through with her plan to „teach me a lesson” and he agreed. My boyfriend on the other hand was furious I contacted his bestfriend, because he *doesn’t want drama.* I was feeling petty, so I told him that maybe I should just go out with his bestfriend, since he seems more level-headed and caring, that's when I learned that his bestfriend ex thought her boyfriend (my bf's bestfriend) was attracted to me, so her outbursts of anger were justified by her insecurities. When asked why he's so keen on victimizing her, he wasn't able to answer and shut down completely. Needles to say, we are taking a break. It’s hard to break up completely because we are living together and we both are on the lease. I’m pretty sure it’s not the kind of update a lot of people commenting under my previous post were hoping for, but I’m not really sure what to do. &#x200B; **SECOND UPDATE:** [I am alive, don't worry. I finally got away! : ThrowRa-ne9in (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa-ne9in/comments/zgh4fx/i_am_alive_dont_worry_i_finally_got_away/) \- 9th December 2022. A girl who dropped off two drunk girls at the bus stop here! I'm alive and well! WE ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER. I know a lot of people couldn't understand why we were on a break instead of breaking up, but I did it for my own safety. What would he do, with us still living together, if I broke up with him? He was willing to cover for people who had plans to hurt me, better safe than dead, right? I got away tho, found a nice affordable place with two other, wonderful rommates. Blocked everyone (yes, including my ex's friend, I'm sorry but this ship has sailed and is somewhere down there with titanic) just to be sure no one will find me. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts - a lot of people commented and reached out to me asking if I'm alright. That's really sweet of you, I wish you all the absolute best! &#x200B; *Please note: this is a repost. I am NOT the original poster.*

InADustyCorner

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1330ejv/aita_for_dropping_off_two_drunk_rude_girls_at_the/

1330ejv

My parents don't like me (29M) having a relationship with my ex's (33F) kids.

REPOST

\*\*I am not OP. Original post by [u/throwra\_tribe](https://www.reddit.com/u/throwra_tribe/) on [r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/).\*\* [**My parents don't like me (29M) having a relationship with my ex's (33F) kids.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/teupvj/my_parents_dont_like_me_29m_having_a_relationship/) **- Mar 15, 2022** My ex and I were married for four years and we got divorced two years ago. She had 2 children from a previous relationship - a girl and a boy aged 9 and 8 when we got married. I loved them like my own and got pretty close to them in my marriage. I was the first stable father figure they had. My parents never liked my ex. They didn't like that she was older and had kids. They told me that I was young and should want to start my own family. I ignored them and married her. We got divorced because we fell out of love. Our divorce was amicable and I still talk to my ex sometimes. But I've maintained a good relationship with her children and I love them. They're 15 and 14 now and stay with me some weekends. I go their school for their sporting events. They like me very much and my ex never objected to any of it. My parents have been grumbling about how I wasn't their father ever since I got divorced. They keep telling me that they're not my responsibility. I've started seeing someone recently and my parents told me that I should stop seeing the kids. Even a couple of my friends told me that I shouldn't "be the father" of my ex's children. I didn't know that having a relationship with your ex's children is looked down upon. How should I deal with this? [**\[UPDATE\] My parents don't like me (29M) having a relationship with my ex's (33F) kids.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/th7a8z/update_my_parents_dont_like_me_29m_having_a/) **- Mar 18, 2022** After I made the previous post, I spoke with my ex about the issue. She said that she was happy that I kept in touch with her children. She also said that her children were always eager to spend time with me and that my presence rectified her regret of not having a father to her kids. We decided I would be her children's godparent. When I told my parents about it, they were furious. I told them clearly that it was my decision, and that they had no part in it. I also told them that I would stop talking to them if they kept pushing it. My girlfriend supported my decision as well. I want to thank the person who gave me the god parent idea and all the people who replied to the previous post. Thank you. \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

Vctoria_R

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1331uay/my_parents_dont_like_me_29m_having_a_relationship/

1331uay

I won the lottery 5 years ago and haven't told anyone. I just got engaged

CONCLUDED

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/sneakyballer **I won the lottery 5 years ago and haven't told anyone. I just got engaged** **Originally posted to** r/confession **Giving thanks to u/Case52ABXdash32QJ & u/ChenilleSocks for help on the relevant comments** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/3zf4wx/no_regrets_i_won_the_lottery_5_years_ago_and/) **Jan 4, 2016** [No Regrets] So after taxes my winnings came to just shy of 4 million. I paid off all my debts, hired an accountant, fixed some things on my truck, and put most of it in savings. I kept my job, didn't move, and kept my fucking mouth shut. My brother is a meth head, my sister is a spiteful whore, and my mom still blames everything on my dad who died ten years ago so I didn't want them scrambling to pretend to give a shit about me for cash. I've been dating a girl for about 3 years now and recently asked her to marry me, she said yes. I bought a modest ring, just over what people would expect given my known employment. This weekend I'm going to lay everything out for her and I can truly know she's in it for me and not the money. It's going to liberating to be able to buy what I want and take care of my friends, totally worth the wait **RELEVANT COMMENTS** MunchkinPumpkin >I think the big thing here isn't how much he has from the win, it's the fact winning the lottery is seen as such a significant event and he she hasn't been made aware. >At the end of the day how much money any one has in their bank account is no one business but their own, it's just instead of the conversation about how much he has stored away for their life together won't be "i have $15k" it will be "I have $4million" >She will certainly be shocked and want to understand why this information was not shared sooner. >OP make sure she understands that this wasn't about withholding things from her, but the fact the money is in savings like it would be for anyone else out there. It's not a huge part of your everyday life and you're not defined by it. >Good luck OP OOP replied >>OP make sure she understands that this wasn't about withholding things from her, but the fact the money is in savings like it would be for anyone else out there. It's not a huge part of your everyday life and you're not defined by it. >That's the biggest thing for me. It started out as keeping it away from my family and maintaining the life I'd built on my own, it just kind of snowballed from the "does she really like me?" concern and turned into a thing. It wasn't a planned test anything crazy [RELEVANT COMMENT from OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/3zf4wx/no_regrets_i_won_the_lottery_5_years_ago_and/cylyt8i?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) Well this spawned some serious discussion. Addressing a few things; • We've already talked about prenups several times and are both for them. She makes enough to support herself and we're both financially independent of each other. • I do plan on offering to pay for any legal fees if she wants council on the prenup. • I have helped a few friends with small things financially, most have paid it back. • No, you can't have a dollar • For those of you who feel entitled to know the financial ins and outs of your SOs life while dating, that's your view. We're both adults who had careers prior to dating and have never needed to get into what is in our accounts short of "Do you have this half of that bill?". I've never told her I'm loaded, or broke, or gone over what my portfolio looks like because it hasn't come up and I'm fine with not knowing hers. • I do enjoy my job and the people I work with/for, so it's been easy to stay on. My returns net me about double my salary so I've been saving quite a bit. • I plan on buying a new vehicle, her as well if she wants one, a house, paying off a friend of mine's student loan (more on that), and taking some time off to travel. • A good friend of mine reached out to me early on and let me stay with him for close to two years, rent free, while I kicked a drinking habit and got on my feet. He's the only one I'll be pouring any kind of cash to and it couldn't go to a better person. He has a newborn daughter that will get a college fund, I'm paying off his school debts and his house. Other than that, ask away boys 'n girls. I'll update everyone after dinner Saturday if you're still interested. [Update recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/confession/comments/41ji5v/no_regrets_update_i_won_the_lottery_5_years_ago/) **Jan 18, 2016** I received a lot of feedback on my post and several people expressed interest in the outcome of revealing my finances to my new fiancee after keeping her in the dark for so long. People who want to catch up can read my original post here. So, my plan was a relaxing evening on the odd weekend we both manage to be free from work or other plans. We went to an early dinner at one of our favorite Italian places (an inexpensive little diner nearby with great appetizers), and then finally went to see Star Wars. After the movie we grabbed some beer and wine for the evening and went home to relax. Skip the weekly small-talk about work, friends, and the accompanying few drinks in and I told her I wanted to be open about everything with each other leading up to the marriage. She got kind of quiet, a little guarded and said "Well yea, so do I", pausing with that look people get when they want you to keep talking. I told her we were never truly going to have to worry about money, that she could do whatever she wanted with her job or stay at home or change careers, anything... because I had north of 3 million dollars in the bank. Her response was the slow "What are you talking about? How?" kind of thing. I got up and pulled a financial statement I'd printed out and stashed in the coffee table drawer, handed it to her and told her I'd won it all a couple years before we met. She started crying, like sobbing uncontrollably crying and looked terrified. I got really worried and started explaining I kept it hidden because I didn't want my shitbag family hunting me down, that I didn't want people around me to change or to lose my friends. Then she started apologizing, saying she should have told me before I proposed. She has about $40,000 in student loan and credit card debt and thought that was going to break the engagement. She thought I was so financially responsible that there was no way I'd take on that debt because she never told me about it. It's why she'd been so open to a prenup in the vague conversations we'd had about it before, why she'd never brought up or talked about money. So, after a long... long conversation about openness and trust (even mentioned some of you cynical bastard's opinions) we hashed out some ideas on what we would agree on for the prenup in regards to premarital debt/assets and all that. I'm going to pay her debt off after we're married so the tax issue is less of a concern and all of my winnings will remain mine should we divorce, interest and dividends will be marital assets. All told I'm very pleased with how things played out and we're in a great place for it. We're working with attorney's and my accountant this week and I'll be putting my two week notice in at work. She wants to keep her job but will request some time off so we can take a vacation and settle in to actually enjoying some money. I talked my friend about paying off his house and all that, he very firmly refused anything for himself but was very grateful for the offer to setup his daughter's college fund. I'm going to keep leaning on him though, I think he'll come around to accepting some repayment of the kindness he showed me. Maybe a vacation at the very least, I dunno. That's all folks, I'll check in from time to time if you guys have any questions, happy Monday! [No Regrets] Still! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** EliteGinger >Just out of curiosity, why quit your job? Is it a bad job? Is ~$3M enough to retire on, or are you just going to work doing something you like instead. Either way, seems like everything worked out nicely. Good for you! OOP replied >I have an offer from a company that pays less but is more in line with what I'm interested in, probably should've mentioned that. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1335ryk/i_won_the_lottery_5_years_ago_and_havent_told/

1335ryk

My (25F) husband's (28M) friend (28F) told him that I'm cheating on him and that it is best to open our relationship, that she could help us

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**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwRa_hhhhx **My (25F) husband's (28M) friend (28F) told him that I'm cheating on him and that it is best to open our relationship, that she could help us** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/108udgx/my_25f_husbands_28m_friend_28f_told_him_that_im/) **Jan 11, 2023** It all started a few weeks ago when we were having dinner with some friends and one of them in particular began to joke that after 13 years together surely one of us already got bored of the other, and she (28F) said that surely the one who got bored first was me (25F) because I'm the "attractive" one in the relationship, and I know that it affected my husband (28M) because that night he joked that he was actually lucky that I paid attention to him, but I thought at that moment that he would just forget about it, but he didn't. He started asking me all the time if I love him, if I'm happy with him, if I would change something about our relationship and things like that. And yesterday while we were talking about it I told him that I would not change him for anything or anyone and he started crying, which was really weird because he rarely cries. And I didn't like seeing him like this so I spoke with his sister, with whom he is really close. She told me that for weeks one of our friends has been telling him that he should prepare for the day that I cheat on him or leave him, and she also told him that she thinks I'm already seeing someone else, that if he wants it to be less painful for him, it's best to open the relationship, that if he wants she and her boyfriend can help us open our marriage since it would be easier because we both know them, that this will help us because we will be able to experiment with more people and I will not get bored of him and he will also be able to have fun with her "like the lifelong friends they are". According to his sister, he told her that he hates those things but if I want to do it he will let me experiment with more people. And to be honest I hate everything that has to do with open relationships too, if you like it great, but it's not my thing. And I thought that I was always clear with that, that's why I don't even know why that friend said that. She has an open relationship but she was never one of those people who wants everyone to be like them, she used to respect us so I don't know what happened. How can I make him understand that she lied about me because she probably just wants to sleep with him? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10njeaw/update_my_25f_husbands_28m_friend_28f_told_him/j6cqjsf?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) **Jan 28, 2023** I (25f) talked to my husband (29M) and he told me everything she (28F) told him. Apparently she's been telling him for months that he is not attractive enough to "keep me" for long, that love is not everything and that looks are important to everyone, and that people who say they don't care about beauty are lying. And that pissed me off so much, because for me my husband is really beautiful and I love him more than anyone in this world, if it wasn't like that I wouldn't have been with him for 13 years and she knows that. And the worst part is that my husband believed her because she destroyed his self-esteem with all those things that are not true just because she wanted to sleep with him and one of her partners (I think she said he's in his late 40s or something) with me or at least that's what she said. She has two boyfriends or whatever and one of them apparently knows me (I don't know how because we never met him) and he told her that he would like to know if he could have "a chance with me", that's why she's been messing with my husband's mind all these months, that's what she told us when we confronted her. She also admitted that she likes my husband, not romantically but physically, and that's why she also wanted to convince him to sleep with her, because she has liked him for years. Honestly, I don't understand anything about that world of having two or more partners and I'm not interested in knowing anything either, I just know that I find it disgusting. If you want to have a harem, that's up to you, personally I don't want that and I find it disgusting that they don't understand it, like respect the people that don't like that, is that so difficult to understand? She apologized many times but my husband didn't forgive her and I don't intend to forgive her either, she behaved like an idiot and it is impossible for her to win back our trust. On the other hand, my husband and I are fine, of course we had a lot of talks about what happened these last few weeks and about our relationship, but we're fine, and that's all that matters to me, that our little family is well, for us and for our children. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** LiliVonShtuppp >What absolute trash that woman is. Just a vile monster. Neither of you should have anything to do with her every again and, frankly, I think you should warn every single mutual friend that she’s a piece of crap who tries to destroy hearts and minds deliberately. OOP replied >We've cut her off and have no plans to have anything to do with her again, also we've talked to mutual friends to let them know, we don't want her to do the same to anyone else. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/133qw5m/my_25f_husbands_28m_friend_28f_told_him_that_im/

133qw5m

AITA for not knowing a term that someone called ME is racist?

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**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/aitathrowaway74692](https://www.reddit.com/user/aitathrowaway74692/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!weird, but happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12ko6cz/aita_for_not_knowing_a_term_that_someone_called/)**: April 13, 2023** I 34M, am a consultant and was hired by a mid-sized company for a contract that requires a meeting about once a week in-office. These are usually lunch meetings. Recently, after we were done eating, I was chatting with one of the team members, Jenn, and I yawned. I excused myself and said something like, "Damn, I shouldn't have loaded up on carbs just now," and Jenn laughed and then yawned herself. A few people noticed this and we all had a lame little chuckle over it. Another team member in the room, Alice, says to both of us, "Damn, it looks like you two have the itis." Jenn went wide eyed, but I guess I must have looked puzzled because well, I was. I didn't know what that meant. So Alice goes at me and says, "I know you're not pretending you don't know what the itis is." I simply told her I'm not, and I don't. Alice rolls her eyes and starts to say something and Jenn cuts her off and says, "What is wrong with you?" Alice just walked out of the room and Jenn apologized to me on Alice's behalf. Another guy, Dan, then explained that that term is rooted in racism, and alludes to a stereotype of laziness associated with African-Americans. Now I'm even more dumbfounded because I cannot imagine what would possess Alice to say this to us. If she wanted to call us both lazy for yawning after lunch she could have put it any number of ways. Alice and Jenn are both black, and I am white, which I guess does matter to this story. Alice returns and comes at me, calling me racist and saying I shouldn't be here. I didn't say anything. Dan and Jenn and another guy, Pete, came to my defense and told Alice that not only did I not do/say anything racist, but I barely said anything at all, and that they didn't know what her problem was. She swears she is right and I am racist, and then got close up in my face and yelled at me that it is my responsibility to be familiar with all racist terms so I can speak up if I hear one, and says she was testing me and I failed. She said that I should have known what that meant and stood up for Jenn. Alice is petite and I'm a big dude so I felt it would be prudent to create some distance and backed away. She continued about how I am the worst and eventually left the room again. She did not return, and it was all so nuts we decided to break for the day. Days alter I got a call from their HR telling me someone reported the incident and that they had some questions. I answered honestly and they said that it matched up with what they'd heard, and that Alice would suffer consequences. They apologized and offered me a (paid) out of my contract but I really like working with them and I told them so, and said if you are game to continue then so am I. They were happy and we hung up. Turns out Alice's consequences were that she was demoted/reassigned and she's saying on social media that a racist man got her kicked off her team at work. It doesn't make sense but I do feel guilty. Reddit, AITA For any of this? **EDIT:** Thank you to all who took the time to read and comment. Some clarifications: We are in the Northeast. I was born and raised here, but I don't know where the rest of them are from. If I had to guess, I would say Jenn was raised here too, but I am not sure. I have no idea about Alice or the rest of them. I did not go to HR. I don't even work at their company. I'm just a consultant on a short-ish term contract. I'm there once a week, max. After the day was over, I went home and didn't say anything to anyone except my own friends and family. I have not seen her social media first hand as I don't follow Alice or any of my clients/teams. Someone showed me screenshots of her instagram story rants from the weekend. In Alice's \*kind of\* defense, she might not mean me when she says a racist man got her kicked off her team. She could know who went to HR and be talking about that person. I was hesitant to include it in the original post for fear being rejected/booted, but since some commenters knew or have researched/guessed, what Dan specifically pointed out when explaining "the itis" racist roots was that it had stemmed from n-word-itis, and Jenn confirmed. ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12xlq23/update_aita_for_not_knowing_a_term_that_someone/)**: April 24, 2023 (11 days later)** Motivation mystery solved! (Maybe, kinda.) Thank you again to all who commented and told me I was not, in fact, being a crazy, racist, A. It's more appreciated than I can articulate right now. I had an off-the-record talk with the big boss last Monday and learned Alice generally behaves as if she's the boss of the entire team I'm working with (she's not) and believed she should/would also be in charge of this project. She was apparently stunned and subsequently furious when her boss decided to bring in a consultant (me!) to spearhead it. He actually apologized for not apprising me of that before we commenced. In my initial post I mentioned that one of the things Alice said while yelling at me was that I "shouldn't be here," which was sort of out of place but I didn't think anything of it in the moment. Now it makes sense. I'm not going to make any assumptions or judgements as to her performance and expertise. I have no idea if she deserves the title/to be in charge of the project or not. In the few meetings we had, she basically said nothing, which I took as her just being shy/quiet/whatever, but I guess it was because she hated the idea of me being there. Also, despite my having a policy not to really drink/socialize at all with current clients/teams outside of office meetings, I ended up having a drink with both Jenn and Dan the other night. I think I just really wanted to get all the way to the bottom of this and put it away for good. They confirmed Alice has generally been very bossy and acts like she's in charge, but nobody understands why as she was the last person hired to the team. The reason Jenn cut Alice off when she went to yell at me the first time was because Jenn knew Alice was looking to start drama, and took Alice saying to me, "Don't pretend you don't know what the itis is," as Alice implying I am racist myself and that I was feigning ignorance about what it meant. Evidently Alice has tried a similar brand of shit-stirring before, and it pisses Jenn off as Jenn has worked in what she says were horrifically racist/sexist environments in the past and this job isn't one, so she feels really sensitive to the idea of starting drama where there isn't any. The impression I get is that aside from general work annoyances, everyone really IS happy there, but then again I'm only there once a week so wtf do I know? I have no new info on Alice. Anyway, so that's the whole story and I guess this is all over now. Can't thank everyone enough for your thoughts and opinions. **Edit:** Thanks to the commenter who linked this [article](https://www.kissnorthbay.com/2023/01/31/6-words-and-phrases-you-didnt-know-were-racist/) about the word. I don't know if every example in the article is accurate, but it helps give an understanding of this particular word.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/134cj60/aita_for_not_knowing_a_term_that_someone_called/

134cj60

AITA for telling my parents that if they won’t tell me the truth, I’ll assume the worst of them

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Originally posted by u/revenant-rising in r/AmItheAsshole on April 11, '23 updated on April 14, '23, April 18, '23 and April 24, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Cheating, statutory rape, grooming!< --- &nbsp; **[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12iuu1t/aita_for_telling_my_parents_that_if_they_wont/)** April 11, '23 &nbsp; AITA for telling my parents that if they won’t tell me the truth, I’ll assume the worst of them Sooooo my (14f) family totally exploded while I was on spring break two weeks ago. I went on a trip with my grandparents and came back to my mom moved out and a serious sit down talk about them divorcing. It’s not exactly a surprise because they’ve both been acting weird and shady for awhile but like that’s not what I was expecting to come back to and they could have let me unpack first at least. They asked me if I had any questions and I asked them which one cheated because that was my first thought. They got super uncomfortable and said that the reasons between them were private. I said not when it means I suddenly lost my family over it and they owe me at least some reason that this is happening and “we don’t love each other anymore” doesn’t cut it. You don’t just stop loving someone for no reason that’s dumb, so what? They said that was all I needed to know and we need to talk about how the living situation was going to work and everything. I told them that I don’t want to live with either of them if they’re going to be like that. Everyone has been mad since then and my mom came over to talk it out last night. They still don’t want to tell me why. I told them both that if they were going to hide stuff, I’ll just make up my own worst case and go with that. Since mom left, it can all be her fault. Since it’s her fault, I won’t live with her or go see her. She got upset and said that was unfair and it wasn’t her fault. I told her to give me the real reason then or just deal with it. My dad said I was out of line and I said that it can all be his fault then and same deal. That started an argument between the two of them, but I’m holding my own. Pretty sure at least one of them will crack and tell me what happened soon so I can decide how I feel about it. I don’t need like graphic details but a simple “someone cheated” or “mom is a secret lesbian, don’t tell anyone” or “we’ve both really changed a lot and don’t want the same things” would help. If one of them did something bad I want to know. If they won’t own up or explain why there are no bad guys, they can both be the bad guy. I had to talk to my school counselor today and she said that it’s totally understandable but playing them against each other is going to hurt everyone so AITA? *In the comments:* >YTA but you're clearly just a kid who desperately needs therapy to process and understand this and navigate what it means. Your parents are doing a great job handling the divorce thus far, so I hope they continue to do great and get you into therapy ASAP. If they're on top of things, they were looking into this before they even announced their divorce. OP: We already have to go see someone all together this week and I told them I’m not saying anything to the counselor because I didn’t mess this up they did so they need the counseling not me. . I don’t have any other questions. If they can’t answer this one then I can’t trust either of them so nothing else matters. I don’t want a relationship with them if one of them did something bad to the other If they both caused it I want to go live with my grandma instead of either of them. Can’t trust people that act shady and hide important things. 10000% cool with torching relationships with people who lie and hide things from me. If my mom is a lesbian that’s completely fair. I’d want to know why she stayed married for like 20 years but like that’s not anyone’s fault. If my dad fell out of love with my mom I’d want to know why. Yeah I’m going to have some sideye for that because it’s a little bit of a douchebag move after wasting like 20 years of someone’s life and getting me mixed up in it but as long as he hasn’t been running around with other people behind her back that’s like not like unreasonable. I’m not going to be happy with either of them now anyway because I know they’re hiding something and that’s not ok. Even if it’s nobody’s fault they could say that instead not answering, the only reason to hide is if there’s something worth hiding. If I’m going to go through the suck no matter what I’m taking them with me. If they gave me some indication of why they fell out of love, sure. We fell out of love because we’re super different now than when we got married. We fell out of love because have really different values and can’t agree. We fell out of love because we just really hate living together. We fell out of love because we hurt one another too bad to keep going. All those would be fine. I’m not stupid because I’m 14. There’s a always a reason people stop liking each other even if it’s dumb it’s a reason. I don’t have to know everything but I need a general direction. If my dad really hurt my mom enough to make her have to leave I will eat him alive. If my mom hurt my dad enough to kick her out big same. If it’s just normal bullshit then they can tell me that and leave me out of it and I’ll figure out what I want to do later Just on what I’ve found, they planned the move out for more than a month. This wasn’t a last minute thing. My mom’s apartment was rented three months ago. I have the entire email chain about it between her and her new landlord and another set of DMs about it between her and her parents setting up the trip to get me out of town for the move. My grandparents also lied for the entire trip to keep up the lie. My dad has lied to his job on multiple occasions and I have the Expedia receipts and texts to prove it. Also looking very much like they’re both cheaters, I’m just researching the timeline and partners now and finding additional support evidence so they can’t claim it’s not true. Right now, they can come clean that they both fucked up massively and we can figure out if I can trust them again or good riddance to the trash. *On her grandparents lying to her:* I asked them if my parents were thinking about divorcing during the trip because there was definitely a vibe before I left. They knew about the divorce. They set my mom up with her lawyer. They told me that nobody was getting a divorce and to relax They have less culpability than my parents because it doesn’t look like they know why my parents are splitting up so far. If they apologize I’ll probably accept it. If they don’t we’ll see what happens. *About how she found her parents secrets:* I fix my parents stuff a lot so I know they both use the same couple of passwords for everything and they don’t tech well. My dad was drunk and asleep on the coach last night because he has been a lot lately. My mom doesn’t live here anymore. I just had to cross lookup a few things copy off some stuff and put the tablet back before continuing on my own machine. It’s not fancy or techy but it was enough to find out what I wanted to know. *Judgement: Asshole* Edit, Ok I’m TA. That’s ok. I did some digging on my own tonight and I know pretty much what happened now. I don’t feel bad about being an AH to AHs. Thanks. Edit #2, People keep asking me what happened. Both my parents are cheaters. My mom is stalking her boyfriend and his wife and trying to break up their marriage. My dad is screwing one of his 17 year old athletes and other people. I got the receipts and got help to report the 17 year old thing because that is not even remotely ok. It crashed and burned on him on Friday and I haven’t heard from him since then. I worked out stuff with my grandparents and they believe me that my mom is lying to them. I’m living with them right now and they’re figuring things out with my other grandma to make a permanent plan. My mom is mad that I wouldn’t go to her place after the blow up but I’ve already told her that I don’t want to talk to her for awhile. The cops said I could stay where I am at the moment. That’s where we are now. It sucks but it would be worse if I didn’t know and had to keep on living with them with all this crap going on. I’m glad I didn’t listen to some people here and just let it drop. I’m glad to know that all the weird stuff I’ve noticed over the last year was real and not made up like my parents told me. I’m glad my dad isn’t going to be able to be gross toward his players anymore. I’m ok being TA here just for that reason alone. &nbsp; **[Updates and Thoughts](https://www.reddit.com/user/revenant-rising/comments/12mkzgf/updates_and_thoughts/)** April 14, '23 &nbsp; Updates and Thoughts This more of a exercise for me so that I can get my thoughts straight before I make some decisions. If you’re here to at me about being an AH from my AITA post today is not the day and I am not the one. I accept the judgment. I just don’t feel bad about it now. If you can be cool with your feedback I’m open to that. I do listen and turn over reasonable advice but I’ve had a stressful week so constructive replies only please. I won’t be humoring aggressive trolls. To bring everything up to date: Family therapy was a fiasco. I told the counselor that I didn’t want to participate and I would rather stay in the lobby. After she tried to convince me to stay in the room, she let me go back out. My parents told me I was grounded if I didn’t stay. The therapist talked to them alone for awhile and then we left. I am not grounded. They are big mad. I still have to go with them weekly but I don’t have to stay in the room. I have to go to an individual counselor next week and I’ll see what happens when I refuse treatment. Hopefully I won’t have to go back. I’ve decided to keep the contents of the dossier I gathered closed for now until I can weigh a couple of points of moral conflict. There are illegal things going on but busting it open could hurt people who don’t deserve it. It might keep some other people from getting hurt though. Depending on how my parents react there’s a not zero chance it could get me physically hurt unless I can do it in a way to be out of reach. I want to have private in person conversations with all my grandparents and maybe my rabbi first. My mom cracked last night like I thought she would, but only admitted to my dad cheating. I am so done with both of them. I was going to spend a month with each set of grandparents this summer anyway so my parents agreed to just let my home base be with my grandma until the fall. I’ll go once my exams are done. At least my grandma is happy. I talked to my other grandparents after Shabbat dinner and told them that I know they lied to me. They apologized and we talked. I’m sleeping over with them this weekend and we’ll hash some things out tomorrow. I feel like something I’ve learned this week is that some people really get mad when I resist being controlled. Being a good kid and doing what everyone has always told me are the right things doesn’t matter unless I shut up and do what I’m told. I’m not going to stop doing good, but I feel pretty done with shutting up and obeying. A lot of people said I would regret knowing the truth. I don’t. Happy isn’t the word. I’m tired and really disappointed and angry. Now I know who I’m dealing with and I feel better knowing that I wasn’t imagining things like my parents said. &nbsp; *OP leaves a recap in a comment:* Short version: 1. Both my parents are cheating. Both are angry at each other over it. It wasn’t like an open situation, they just cheated. 2. My dad bullied one of his partners into an abortion last year. One of the people he’s cheating with is under 18. He’s doing stuff that’s going to get him on some kind of list and probably jail if he gets caught. 3. My mom is trying to break up her boyfriend’s marriage because she thinks he’ll move in with her then. She’s done some really sad and crazy stalker things and it’s scary. She cracked like I thought she would, but only told me my dad cheated. 4. They tried to force me to participate in family therapy and threatened to ground me for the entire summer if I didn’t. The therapist let me sit in the lobby while they talked and I think talked them out of it. I have to go to the place with them, but I don’t have to sit in the session if I don’t want to. 5. I talked to my grandparents about lying to me during the trip that no divorce was coming and they apologized and said that they realize now that it wasn’t the best approach, so we’re cool. 6. I’m going to spend the next few weekends and summer between my grandparents. I don’t even want to look at my parents. Basically all the sneaking around, fighting, and shady shit I noticed was real and they’ve been lying to me for nearly two years. 7. Now I have to decide whether to out them or not because really bad shit is going on. The plan at present is to talk with my rabbi about the ethics involved and then tell someone who can do something at least about the underage girl. The rest of it is shitty, but that’s the part that really needs to be stopped right now I think. &nbsp; **[Legal question about anonymously reporting a crime](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/12r4fmz/legal_question_about_anonymously_reporting_a_crime/)** April 18, '23 r/LegalAdvice &nbsp; Legal question about anonymously reporting a crime For the record I’m under 18 so I’m sure that effects what I can and can’t do here. This is something that needs to be handled by grown ups but I would be reporting on a family member so I need to protect myself from the fallout. A close adult family member is having sex with a minor. Not like a few years age difference thing, like decades. I know the right thing to do would be to report it, but I need to do it anonymously. I found out from texts that I have screenshots of. Is there a way that I can get this information to the appropriate authorities without being identified? Would they even do anything with anonymously sent screenshots? How likely is it to be tracked back to me once it’s in the open? Thanks in advance. Edit: the minor is 17 and this is in [location removed]. The older person is 17’s coach. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >[location removed]'s age of consent is 18, meaning this sexual relationship wouldn't be legal in the first place, but the fact that the older adult is their coach probably makes it even worse. >Law enforcement is who to contact about this. >There is no guarantee of anonymity. While you can request that when you report it, and law enforcement would likely respect that, there are a ton of ways someone can infer or merely guess at who reported something. >How likely it is that this minor and/or this adult could guess it was you is unknown, though I'm not sure you should let that dissuade you. OP: Ok, thanks. I guess I was hoping that I could just get a burner and send an anonymous tip or something it’s going to get rough if they figure out it was me. I don’t think they would be able to get that just from the screenshots, I’m more worried about the cops telling someone. If it has to happen that way I guess that’s what happens. . My rabbi offered to contact someone he trusts from the police department and sat with us while I gave a statement yesterday. I gave him a thumbdrive with the screens, it’s all stuff that would be easy for them to go verify themselves anyway with a warrant or something think. I don’t know what’s going to happen but it’s out of my hands now. He also gave me a number to call for help if things go sideways and I don’t feel safe. So now I just hunker down and try not to think about it. &nbsp; **[Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/user/revenant-rising/comments/12xgwq3/update_2/)** April 24, '23 &nbsp; Update #2 Things blew up this weekend. I wasn’t home when everything happened, so I missed most of the fireworks, but I’ve gotten the story through family. My dad got suspended from his job Friday. The cops took him in. He’s out now but my grandparents told me that it’s serious. Everyone in the family is all riled up, mostly at my dad. Apparently the word got out since he’s a teacher and a coach, so it’s a circus. My mom showed up to tell me what happened and take me to her place, but I told her I didn’t want to go. My grandparents talked her down so I’m staying with them. I go to a different school, but they decided to keep me home today. I’m supposed to talk to some people later this morning anyway and go get some clothes and stuff from the house. I haven’t heard from my dad. My other grandma (his mom) came over yesterday and I feel really bad for her. This is the saddest I’ve seen her since grandpa died. No one seems to know that I reported it. I don’t know what happened with the girl but I’m guessing she admitted stuff was happening. I hope she’s ok. I don’t know where things go from here but I’ve told all my grandparents that I don’t want to live with mom. Living with dad doesn’t seem like an option right now but I don’t want to go there either. They said we would figure it out. I told my grandparents (mom’s parents) last weekend that I don’t think she’s being honest with them and they believe me. The cop I talked to said that as long as I’m in a safe place with people who are looking out for me, it’s not likely that anyone is going to make me go back to my parents without a lot of legal wrangling. So as long as my grandparents are ok with it, I should be ok. I’ve got a summer job in the works so I’m just going to focus on that and lay low I think. Save up everything I can. This whole thing is a mess and I feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare a lot of the time but I’m not sorry I found out the truth. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/134hgtc/aita_for_telling_my_parents_that_if_they_wont/

134hgtc

AITAH for gifting my granddaughter a custom made cookbook instead of something a little pricy

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Originally posted by u/first_owl7199 in r/AITAH on April 19, '23 updated on April 23, '23. &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12rn57b/aitah_for_gifting_my_granddaughter_a_custom_made/)** April 19, '23 &nbsp; AITAH for gifting my granddaughter a custom made cookbook instead of something a little pricy. Hello everyone, I am new on reddit. My friend's son told me about this app and told me I should post it in here to get some unbiased opinion. I (59F) have three kids (39M, 35F, 32F). My husband died 10 years ago from then I have been on my own. I live in a small townhouse. I am not poor but I am comfortable with my living situation. So, recently, my son Keith (39M) told me he wanted to throw a party for my grand daughter, Rita's 18th birthday because she is going to be an adult. He wants the day to be memorable to her. I know my son. He loves his kids very much. I love my grandkids as well. I know he is going to buy her some expensive gifts. I on the other hand cannot afford to buy something expensive. But I wanted my gift to be thoughtful and show efforts that I love Rita as well. So, I had an idea. I have been a home cook for more than 30 years. I used to work in a restaurant before and then moved on to having my own catering business in my early years. I loved creating new recipes and altering the old ones to my own. So, I had an idea to make a compilation of some of my signature recipes and make them into a book. I wrote down 20 recipes on my computer and with the help of some grateful people I was able to print them out. I then had another idea to make the recipes into a cook book. So, I went on a publication house and told them to make a cook book that looks like an ancient book except it will contain recipes. I did that because 1) Rita has a passion for cooking. She wants to go to culinary school and hope to open her own restaurant chain. 2) Rita also likes things that are like medieval, she is into one of those Lord of the rings kind of things. So I thought it was a thoughtful gift for my lovely granddaughter. When the day arrived, I packed it up along with her favorite cookies. When it was time to open the presents, she got a lot of stuff and when it was time for mine. I was happy. She opened it and gasped. I explained it to her that the book contains all the signature recipes I have made over the years and I want her to have it. She said thank you and that she appreciates my gift and someday she will try to recreate it. Everyone seems to be happy except for her mother. She pulled me to side and told me I should have made more effort into her gift and not give her some cheap book. I was appalled. I told her Rita likes it and that's all that should matter. She told me Rita only pretended to like it because she doesn't want to be disrespectful and Rita is still a child who doesn't know anything. And also added that it was a little narcissist of me to make Rita's gift about myself and my cooking rather than it being about her. Now, I am sad. If Rita didn't like it, I would be happy to replace it. But it is now making me wonder if my gift was actually cheap or not. Should I have just bought something a little bit pricy rather than giving her a cook book? &nbsp; *In the comments:* I have 5 journals in total filled with recipes. I also know some in my brain because I cooked them so often. I would love to compile them. I honestly have little idea what today's generation likes so I thought giving her this book would be nice since she always wanted to learn my cooking methods. :) I made that gift because Rita is the only one in our family that pesters me for cooking tips. Everyone else does praise my cooking and love to eat it but she wanted to learn it. So I thought I would give her some of my dishes that I modified and added a little twist of my own. I know Rita liked it genuinely. I can tell that by her expression. But if I am being honest it was bland compared to what others gave her. Her aunt gave her a designer bad and other stuff too. *How she made the book:* It was basically a printing house that belongs to my late husband's friend. I got discount on it. >Has Rita’s mom always been like this? What did your son say? OP: My son doesn't know about it. He said my gift was thoughful and he always loved my cooking and it is useful for Rita. My daughter in law is not bad. She respects me a lot but I can say she is someone who likes things and likes to be pampered. I don't see any harm in that because I was just like her. I liked to have some things that gave me joy and husband never said no to me. She can have a lavish life because my son earns a lot of money. >Her mom may have been hoping you'd give hear a big check to help with college. OP: She doesn't need a big check. My son earns a lot and has a trust fund and a college fund for both his kids. Her mom also comes from a fairly well to do family. *Commenters agree she is not the asshole and the book was a lovely gift.* &nbsp; **[Update of my last post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12yrg1y/update_of_my_last_postaitah_for_gifting_my/)** April 23, '23 &nbsp; Hello. I want to thank everyone for your kind and warn comments. They are so nice and full of love. I know people have asked about what happened next. I wanted to give you some update too. I saw some of you advised me to ask Rita privately if she liked the book I gave her or not. I did. I called her up few days ago and just wanted to chat with her. After some small talk, I asked her if she like the present I got for her. She told me she loved it. She has been reading all the recipes and will try to recreate them. She then out of the blue asked me, if she and her brother could come to my place and stay. I told her they can whenever they want. I find it a little odd. They did stay over at our place when their mom and dad were going on a vacation. But I know for sure they are not. So, the next day, my son, Keith dropped both my grandchildren, Rita and Tom at my place. I know something was wrong as soon as I saw my son's face. I invited them in. I asked Rita and her brother to go to the kitchen and have some snacks and I asked my son if everything was alright. My son looked a bit sad and angry. It was a mixture of both of those emotions. Then he revealed to me that he had an argument with his wife and that he is seeking a divorce. Obviously, I was shocked. They never seemed like a couple who would have problems. Whenever I saw them they were like happy couples who couldn't stay away from each other for a long time. I asked him in details what exactly happened. Why is he seeking for a divorce all of a sudden. He didn't go much into details. He just said he and his wife got into an argument because of my gift. His wife apparently told him to make me buy a second gift that looked a little bit expensive, like something designer. He said to her that it was not necessary. Rita likes it and that's all that matters. They got into a significant altercation over this. My son confessed that he has been unhappy in his marriage for a long time. They would fight because of my daughter-in-law's habit of spending. My son does earn a lot but to see his wife spending his hard earned money on useless things really makes him mad. He tried to have a conversation with her because of it but it failed. He also said there were other problems too but he doesn't want to talk about it until he sorts this out. I regret that their argument was sparked by my gift. I hope they are able to sort it out. Regardless of what my son decides, I will be there to support him. I do feel bad for Rita and Tom. Rita is an adult and she can understand but Tom is still 14. He has to grow up in an unpleasant situation. Before leaving my son requested me if I could keep both of his kids with me for a while because the tension in his house right now is not healthy for them. I happily agreed. I don't mind having my grandkids with me. On the other hand, Rita has promised to help me find and compile my old recipes. Some of them are really old and the journal I wrote it on has been in bad condition. I think writing them in a word document is a better option. Also a lot of you guys asked me to release my cookbook. I don't know if I will do that. That sounds like a good plan but I will put a pin on it for now. I have a lot in my plate right now. Edit: Hello everyone, I appreciate all the comments. But I don’t think it is fair to criticise my daughter in law so much. Yes I know she was wrong here. She is not perfect. None of us are. But she is not a bad person over all. So cut her some slack. &nbsp; *I'm flairing this concluded as the granddaughter loves the book and the original issue has been resolved.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/135al1u/aitah_for_gifting_my_granddaughter_a_custom_made/

135al1u

My [27f] SO [30m] walked in on me masturbating pretty enthusiastically and now it's driven a wedge between us. How do we fix this?

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**I am not The OOP, OOP is [deleted]** **My [27f] SO [30m] walked in on me masturbating pretty enthusiastically and now it's driven a wedge between us. How do we fix this?** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!verbal abuse, emotional abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/59d27n/my_27f_so_30m_walked_in_on_me_masturbating_pretty/) **Oct 25, 2016** **I posted this about a month ago to r/relationships but it got deleted because the mods delete absolutely everything. Which means I can't post an update. I'm posting it here so I can post an update and link it to the original post here.** Okay, so the title is pretty self explanatory. I like to masturbate, doesn't mean I'm not sexually satisfied with my partner. Sometimes a person has just got to give their genitals a little one on one TLC, you know? My SO is normally very level-headed and sweet. We've been together for 3 years. Really not many issues, just the normal bickering now that we live together. Sometimes I want to throw a glass plate at his head and laugh manically and I'm sure he feels the same sometimes. Normal LT relationship stuff. We've never talked much about masturbation, but... I mean, I know he does it and I figured he knew the same. I don't give a shit about him looking at porn and furiously masturbating to it as long as it doesn't replace me or become an addiction. Other than that, fap away, I say! I look at porn. I'm straight but I get off big time to lesbian porn. Females are just sexy as hell. But I have tried to have sex with women before and it turns out that it's all about the fantasy for me. I can tackle my own vagina with finesse, but someone else's... not so much [me telling you this has relevancy, sorry]. So anyway, about a month ago I was reallyyyy going to town. When I know I have time, I make it a pretty big ordeal. Lots of toys. My SO wasn't supposed to be home for 2 more hours. I was spread eagle on the bed. Going. To. Town. I had lesbian porn playing on the TV from my laptop. My SO, we'll call him Evan, just stood there for a few seconds, shocked. I stopped for a second and then I said something like, "want to join?" and kept... well... banging myself. I thought he'd think it was hot. If I'd walked in on him and he'd asked me to join, I would have gladly hopped right in, it would have been a turn on to find him like that. He said I was disgusting and he left. Like just turned around, out of the bedroom, out of the apartment. Gone. For hours without answering his phone. Wtf?? When he finally got home, he wouldn't talk to me and asked me to leave him alone. I did. So the next morning I couldn't shut up any longer and I asked why on Earth he was mad at me. It turned into this huge blowout fight about how he always thought I was satisfied but obviously not and that he'd never seen me enjoy myself that much with him (not true). Then he brought up the lesbian porn. He started asking if I was gay and if this had been something I'd been hiding from him. I told him he was being ridiculous, that having sex with him is always better and preferred over masturbation [totally true] and that no, I was not gay. I told him that fantasizing about women was just my thing, but that I'd tried it irl [he knew about this] and that I just couldn't handle a vagina that wasn't my own. It wasn't a pleasurable experience for me. He never apologized and I didn't push the matter, we just sort of stopped talking about it and I thought things were getting better. Except now he is just constantly hitting me with passive comments. "That girl is hot, are you going to think about her tonight when we have sex?" "So, are you in the mood for me or your dildo tonight?" "Don't have too much fun with yourself today." It's constant and I keep telling him to knock it off but he won't. It's like it's eating away at him, he's clearly very bothered about it still. How do I approach this with him? I've even suggested mutual masturbation together or for him to use my toys on me to make him feel better. Where does this insecurity come from and how do I help him get over it? I'm not going to apologize for masturbating or stop, so he can forget that. Sorry, but my body, my fantasies, my right. He's out of luck there. **tl;dr** My SO walked in on me masturbating. He can't get over it and is still very upset. This just seems crazy but it's really driving a wedge between us and it actually feels like he might never let this go. Any advice on how to settle this or how to approach this situation differently? I'm at a loss! **Edit** Thanks for all the awesome suggestions and replies! I will put them to good use. I think it's time for a serious sit down with the SO. I will post an update soon to let you all know how it goes! [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/59dem7/update_my_27f_so_30m_walked_in_on_me_masturbating/) **Oct 25, 2016** Well, Reddit. We broke up over this whole ordeal. A few days after I posted originally, I told him we needed to talk. I told him that his constant little digs about my sexuality were unacceptable and hurtful. My previously level-headed and sweet boyfriend reacted hostilely and defensively immediately. He told me to stop bringing it up because he had every right to be pissed. I asked him to explain his reasoning behind that. His reasoning: 1) If I was satisfied with him, I wouldn't need to do that. 2) He didn't realize I was a size queen [I'm not at all] but he guessed he was wrong and he couldn't compete with my toys. 3) I must want to screw girls if I look at lesbian porn. 4) I would be mad if he jerked it to dicks. I kept my voice calm but I was getting super frustrated. I told him that I was perfectly satisfied with him and his size, but that masturbation is a chance to be intimate with yourself and to fantasize about anything you want to. That it is normal and healthy. I also told him very seriously that I would not be mad if he jerked it to dicks and that I would realize it was a fantasy and that even if he was bisexual or something, there is nothing wrong with that and I would never be mad at him for his sexuality. Nothing I said calmed him down, he was so defensive. It was honestly like I wasn't even talking to my boyfriend. It ended with him saying that he didn't realize who I was and storming off and locking himself in our computer room. We didn't talk much for a couple of days and he was super snappy and tried picking fights a couple of times. Finally he broke me and I told him these were his options: get over it so we can move on together or don't and we can move on separately. He said, "Well I guess now you're single and can fck as many vaginas and gigantic dicks as you want." I just said I guess so and that it made me sad that he would end things over this. He told me that I caused this situation and had to accept the consequences. It wasn't funny but I almost laughed. Because the only one who made a situation out of it was him. I didn't laugh or say much of anything. We slept in separate rooms that night and he started moving out the next day. 3 years over just like that. It's been a couple of weeks and we haven't spoken more than just a few words when we have to about bills or things we have to separate. I'm okay. The whole thing just seems crazy to me. I'm not a marriage person, but I thought he was my forever-person. But he let insecurity get in the way, nothing I can do about that. I'm assuming this struck a nerve to a much, much deeper-rooted issue for him. I'm sad but dusting myself off and carrying on. My big, veiny dildo and I will go ride off into the sunset together. TL;DR: My boyfriend and I broke up. He couldn't get over his insecurities and it was becoming toxic. I'm okay, just still pretty stunned. Okay, going to go masturbate furiously now. Edit: Words **RELEVANT COMMENTS** oshawaguy >I'm imagining a conversation where someone asks why you broke up and he says, "'caught her masturbating." After an awkward pause, other person says, "and?" with a completely puzzled expression. Thesheriffisnearer >>i'm sure he'll embellish to make her more at fault [deleted] **(OOP)** >>>I'd say you're right about that. I've told my closest friends the reason and their reactions have all been... what in the actual hell? A male friend didn't believe me at first because he just couldn't wrap his mind around that being a cause for a breakup. >>>I'd love to be a fly on the wall though if he does actually tell his friends the truth about why. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/135gvyj/my_27f_so_30m_walked_in_on_me_masturbating_pretty/

135gvyj

I kissed my daughter’s friend’s mom and I’m really happy about it

REPOST

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/curious_car_ **in** r/offmychest Mood Spoiler: >!Wholesome, happy!< *Note: This is a repost, the previous BORU about it can be found* [*here*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/rtq6i4/i_28m_kissed_my_daughters_friends_mom_30f_and_im/)*. My previous post reminded me of this one, so I figured it was worth posting again since it's so cute :)* \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/rpgcdp/i_28m_kissed_my_daughters_friends_mom_30f_and_im/) \- Dec. 26, 2021 **I (28M) kissed my daughter’s friend’s mom (30f) and I’m really happy about it** My daughter is 6 and she met her new BFF at the start of the school year. Her mom is a very nice lady. They don’t live far either so we have invited them over a lot. It’s became a regular thing for the past 2 months to have them over every weekend, both Saturday and Sunday. Either we take the girls out somewhere fun or we stay in watching movies, do other activities. I spend lots of time alone with her. We can talk for hours about anything and next thing we know time has flown by. Then the butterflies in my stomach and the blushing everytime she smiled started hitting me. I’ve been a full time single dad for 3 years since my ex decided to walk out on our daughter. So dating has never been on my mind. They spent Christmas Eve and Christmas with us which led to them staying all weekend. The girls fell asleep on the couch watching Encanto and it was me and her up for another hour chatting. Had a little bit of wine in me so ofc I blurt out that she looks beautiful right now. Randomly, out of nowhere 😅. In the end we kissed though so looks like it worked out for me. My heart was racing so fast, I’m pretty sure my whole face was red as hell because it felt so warm suddenly lol. We were both smiling like total idiots. Before they left earlier she kissed my cheek and man I just wanted to pull her in. It’s my first kiss in years, with someone I feel really connected to. It’s just been a really great weekend. Very very happy 😊 \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/rtnqdg/update_i_28m_kissed_my_daughters_friends_mom_30f/) \- Jan. 1, 2022 **Update: I (28M) kissed my daughter’s friend’s mom (30f) and I’m really happy about it** Can’t believe I’m saying this but I’ve got a girlfriend guys! 😁🤣 And let me tell you as a single father who’s usually way too busy to date that’s nothing short of a miracle. I asked her out and she gave me an enthusiastic yes!! It was exciting. It was nerve wracking. We had dinner the following night without the kids. Gotta admit it did feel a little awkward. No kids there as a distraction and this was meant to be romantic. We eased into it though. Then we just didn’t want the night to end. After dinner we walked around her whole neighborhood just talking until it was really starting to get late. She looked so beautiful I couldn’t stop looking at her. Then last night with the girls was…i can’t even describe how happy it made me. We agreed not to tell them about us being together for a while and no PDA in front of them. So even if it was hard keeping our hands to ourselves it still felt nice making dinner, watching movies with the kids and making a comfy pillow fort. They SWORE they were gonna stay awake to watch the ball drop 🙄😂 Famous last words. They were out before 11. Kids asleep. Then it was midnight and we shared our first New Years kiss. Best night I’ve had. We did end up getting carried away but you know what, I don’t care. It was amazing. We stayed up all night talking afterwards. Chatting about everything. Life, where we want things to go. it’s been a long time for sure since I had an intimate conversation like that with anyone. We sure as hell didn’t regret staying awake all night when we woke up at 7 am to the kids playing downstairs and asking for breakfast already 😅 Been a chill day today. Can’t stop smiling. For me this is what it’s all about. Happy New Years everyone. I’m definitely looking forward to all the possibilities \~\~\~ *Unfortunately, OOP's account is now deleted, but I really hope things turned out well for them!* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster.**

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13617r1/i_kissed_my_daughters_friends_mom_and_im_really/

13617r1

AITA for being a ‘pick me’ and asking someone who I know dislikes me to pick me up from a party?

CONCLUDED

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/jesuswithistoesout](https://www.reddit.com/user/jesuswithistoesout/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12po3pv/aita_for_being_a_pick_me_and_asking_someone_who_i/)**: April 17, 2023** I (19f) am very close with one of my housemates (Josh-20m). I get along with his friend group (a mix of guys are girls) and I’ve been assimilated into the group over the past few months (we met in Sep 2022). One of his friends (Michael-20m) doesn’t like me. I don’t know why- I’ve always been nice to him. He’s always cold to me and gives one word answers. That being said, I have his number from the groupchat but I’ve never text or called him until a few days ago. I had been invited by some coworkers to celebrate my 20th a bit early and I agreed. We went to a bar, did karaoke, the whole shebang. But at around midnight, things got a little stale and one of my coworkers said her friend had weed so we all went to this guy’s house. Long story short, I felt very uncomfortable and pressured and after having a panic attack in the bathroom, I called Josh. He didn’t pick up. I called another friend but she didn’t answer either so as a last ditch effort, I called Michael. He picked up and I asked him if he could come get me. I’d pay for petrol and a thank you fee, or whatever. I didn’t care, I just needed to get out. He picked me up. He ended up crashing on the couch and the next morning, I have him petrol money. I apologised profusely. He said not to worry. The issue is that the girls in the friend group are now calling me a ‘pick me’ and saying I put myself in the situation as an excuse to ‘get Michael in your \[my\] life’ as it upset me that he didn’t like me. As a side note, I was more confused about why he doesn’t like me, I was never upset. I said that those 3 are the only ones who can drive in the group and since the other two didn’t answer, he was my last resort. The girls said it was an asshole thing to do anyway and that using 'real life fears' to shoehorn my way into Michael's life is 'psychotic'. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Uber exists:* "Uber doesn't run in our city and I had to download a whole new app for the taxi service and they're expensive. Plus I was drunk. I didn't want to be in a car with someone I didn't trust." *You have to actually talk to him to see what his beef with you is:* "I definitely will. I guess I assumed it because of how cold he is to me but that's my fault if I read it wrong. In my mind, my worst enemy could call me asking for me to pick her up because she felt unsafe, and I'd do it. But that's just me. Just because I dislike someone, doesn't mean they don't get to feel safe." *More about OOP:* "I'm a regular smoker of weed and tobacco. The issue was the people." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): April 26, 2023 (1 week later)** So I read all the comments and the ones about Michael just being shy, or slow to warm up, etc resonated with me so I decided to do some digging and asked Josh if he heard the girls saying anything about me. He said he hadn’t but that he’d do some digging himself and then get back to me. And I’m almost embarrassed by how naïve I was. Here’s the situation: A couple of months after I met the group (November 2022), one of the girls (Selina-20f) asked me how I felt about Michael. I said he seemed like a sound guy overall but at that point, he had interacted with me once and it was him asking me to turn the oven on, so I didn’t have much to go off. She asked me if I thought he was hot. I said sure. She asked me some more questions and it honestly felt like she was trying to validate her feelings for him by getting my opinion, if that makes any sense? She was being kind of giggly and shy so I thought it was just girly gossip and her trying to bond with a new girl in the group. At one point I said that the fact he goes to the gym 4 times a week is intimidating to me as someone who is a bit larger (which I want to be clear is my own problem, I wasn't blaming him for being in shape). And that one sentence fucked everything over for me. It turns out, Selina is a shit-stirrer and went and asked Michael the same questions about me. And he thought I was cute, too. But Selina told him I said I was afraid of him and found him intimidating so he should ‘back off’. I want to be clear that I never said Michael as a person was scary or off-putting, it’s just that I’ve had some negative experiences with ‘gym bros’ and I was holding my cards close to my chest in case that’s what he turned out to be (he’s not, btw). So as a result of this lie, he stayed clear of me. And I had no idea about any of this. The girls were so nice to me and I thought we were friends. It wasn’t until he picked me up that they got openly hostile. I obviously never mentioned what I ‘said’ in the car because I didn’t know that’s what he had been told and he was calm and collected, too. We chatted on the way back and eased out some tension. Hearing all this, I felt so bad for Michael. He was walking on eggshells around me because someone lied to him. Josh was super confused and upset, too because he’s known these girls since year 9. Josh called Michael and we shared screenshots and talked it all out. He was angry at Selina who was at the head of the operation and confronted her in the group chat. Not what I would have done, but whatever. Everyone else in the group thinks those three are lying, snotty brats now. The other 2 girls in the group (who are angels and my actual friends) took me under their wing and I couldn’t be luckier to have them. That’s all for now. I won’t be making another update because it’s pretty much been sorted out. Thank you for taking the time to read.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/136azvv/aita_for_being_a_pick_me_and_asking_someone_who_i/

136azvv

AITA For telling my dad that if my brother moves in, that I will leave?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/digikid2 in r/MarkNarrations on April 23, '23 updated on April 24, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!addiction, homophobia!< --- &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/MarkNarrations/comments/12vwpin/aita_for_telling_my_dad_that_if_my_brother_moves/)** April 23, '23 &nbsp; AITA For telling my dad that if my brother moves in, that I will leave? First i wanna apologize for any grammar or spelling issues, I’m on mobile and am dyslexic. Also love the channel and listen to it daily! I will also be willing to add any info needed. Need to give some background first. I (26m) am the youngest of four boys between my divorced Dad (66m) and Mom (60f). Out of my three brothers I am close to one Justin (35m) the second oldest. I am in Low contact with my oldest brother Jimmy (40m)(I only contact him to give updates on our dads health) and am no contact with Zane (34m). This particular post is about Zane, though I could make many other posts about Jimmy before he got sober. My Dad was diagnosed with COPD my senior year of Highschool and has steadily been getting worse and worse as time went on. In my Junior of College my dad got to the point where he needed a caregiver, I was the only one Willing and able to take the Role on. Justin didn't have a steady job or Vehicle, Jimmy wanted to charge our dad money and our dad couldn't afford it, and Zane refused to even help in any way. So I withdrew from college and moved to the town my Dad lived in. I got a job to help ease the burden of the bills and took Dad to Doctors and essentially did everything for our dad. Justin eventually moved in after 2 years to help ease the responsibilities I had and I am forever grateful for that. The issue is Zane is asking our Dad to move in and bring his common law wife Pixie (37). Zane is a Addict who is still using. The reason i am No contact and disowned him was because he is emotionally abusive to everyone around him, He and pixie are physically abusive towards each other and fight near 24/7 and are always calling the cops on one another, He is openly homophobic (i am gay), and he put myself, our nephew and niece in a dangerous situation last year that could have resulted in us getting hurt. I also don't want him stealing from anyone in the house (He has a history of theft to feed his addiction). I know addiction is a disease, Jimmy was an addict for 90% of my life and is now clean and sober, our Dad was an alcoholic who stopped drinking when I moved in to help. I have nothing but respect for those who fight their addictions, but I have no sympathy for my brother. When I got home after work my Dad informed me that he invited Zane and Pixie to move in. I wasn't happy and told him that, he told me that he couldn't just let one of his Sons be homeless then he reminded me that he could let anyone he wanted live here. The house is in Dad's name, but I pay half the bills while Justin and dad pay 1/4th each. I've never used my paying a majority of bills against my dad and I didn't this time. I simply informed him that if Zane and Pixie move in, I would be moving out. He got angry and accused me of making him choose between his sons. I told him I would never ask him to do that, but i couldn't/wouldn't live with them and just like how I couldn't tell him who he could invite to live here, he couldn't force me to live with someone I felt unsafe with and who has threatened me and stolen from me multiple times. Zane called me furious accusing me of using the fact that I was dads caretaker as leverage against him moving in. I hung up when he started calling me slurs. It's gotten out to our very large family what's going on and a majority are calling me an AH for threatening to move out if my brother moves in.However My mom and other brothers are on my side, but now I'm sort of wondering if I went too far/ AITA for telling my dad if my brother moves in, i move out? &nbsp; *In the comments:* I feel a little guilty because if I leave then my dad won't have a way to his doctors or to get his medications. We live in a small town with 300 people and 30 miles from the nearest pharmacy. However Zane being here is something I won't tolerate. Even if leaving makes me feel like a bad son Ive looked into the medication delivery a while ago, but we live too far away. We get certain medications delivered but others have to be filled and picked up at a pharmacy. . Justin is great and agrees with me, he also doesn't want Zane here but he is unwilling to do anything to stop it because he views it as us telling Dad who can and cannot live here. He also doesn't have a legal vehicle, which is why I even agreed to become a caretaker, to begin with. Zane has no desire to help others. He wants a free house and food. In the 6 years I've taken care of our dad he has never once called to ask how he was. The only way he used to find anything out I a group chat I made for the family. He would have no idea how to even begin dealing with our dad. . We live about 300 miles from our closest relative that could help. Dad moved to a very small town away from everyone when he got sick. So the scheduled days sadly couldn't work. Don't get me wrong if we lived closer to his family I would have a lot more help, one cousin, in particular, has always been extremely helpful. Ive mentioned moving closer to his family but he refuses. . My dad is usually good about respecting my boundaries. He thinks because i had no issues with Justin moving in (the only brother who never called me a slur or threatened me) then i shouldnt have an issue with zane moving in. Its not the same. &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/MarkNarrations/comments/12wynmk/update_aita_for_telling_my_dad_that_if_my_brother/)** April 24, '23 &nbsp; Hey guys! I linked the original post. I wanna thank everyone for the supprt shown in my original post. Now for the update. We argued some more this morning before work and i laid it all out for him. If he insists on zane moving in then i would call my best friend (26m) and he would help me move all my stuff to a storage unit. I let him know he had until i got off work to decide. I also dealt with the flying monkeys, every time they called they would ask "how could yoh abandon ypur dad" and "How can you do this to family?" i would reply "oh are you gonna come take care of him" or "I'll let Zane know you offered to let him live with you?" They stopped. Jimmy is shockingly on my side, even tho i thought he would side with Zane since they were always closer. I got home a little while ago and Dad and I talked. Someone on here suggested dad was so insistent because he felt like he Failed Zane and they were right. He thinks he failed as a dad and wantedntk try and help. We had a nice talk and he agrees that letting Zane move in would cause more harm for everyone. I made it clear that if I came home amd saw zane, i was gone and would go No Contact. So it ended well enough, but im keeping my escape plans active for while. I also bought extra locks for my room and Justins room, just in case. Zane isnt happy and has been spam calling our mom because i blocked him and refuse to even entertain the idea of unblocking (which she supports) I also wanna say I love who Zane used to be, but I want nothing to do with him regardless of his soberity or not. I hope he gets sober, but the damage has been done. &nbsp; *Flairing this concluded as the brother has been blocked and the father is not allowing him to move in, which resolves the original issue.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/136rikp/aita_for_telling_my_dad_that_if_my_brother_moves/

136rikp

OOP Hooks Up with his homophobic-SIL’s Brother and wants to know if he is the AH.

NEW UPDATE

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/uccg0r/aita_for_hooking_up_with_new_sils_brother/) by [u/ToGayForSIL97](https://www.reddit.com/user/ToGayForSIL97/) in r/askgaybros on Apr 26, 2022 &#x200B; Trigger Warning: >!Homophobia, family problems!< Spoiler Mood: >!Happy ending for OOP!< &#x200B; **AITA for Hooking Up with New SIL’s Brother?** Throwaway account because people know my main. Not posting on AITA because of space limitations. I (27M - USA, East Coast) recently attended my brother’s wedding. He really wanted me there even though I can stand his wife who openly hates gay people. I stopped going to a lot of family events where she is going to be around because she makes all sort of loud complaints about me, mainly my going to hell because I am gay. She also hates I’m an atheist who knows more about the bible than her. Anyway, to cut to the chase... I got invited to the wedding with no Plus One over, from what my mom said, objections by my soon to be SIL. She thought it would be disgraceful I made an appearance. Believe me when I say I questioned my brother extensively about why he is marrying this POS, and he simply said he’s in love with her. I warned him this marriage could ruin our relationship as brothers. He said he accepts the risks. So, I went to the wedding – alone – prepared to enjoy the wedding and reception. I noticed this really cute guy sitting on the bride’s side of the church, and again at the reception. I see he did not bring a date. Before I could build up the nerve to go talk to him, he wandered over to my table and sits down. He then, without any prompting, begins to talk about his nightmare sister. Honest to Jupiter he really is new SIL's brother. He also didn't get a Plus One. He asked me, and he knew I was the groom’s brother, why brother married his sister. We shared a few laughs about the train wreck this marriage will become. Under the table his foot began to rub against my leg. We spent the evening dancing, talking and laughing. Then he asked if I wanted to go to his apartment. I did and a lot of really things happened. I don’t know how SIL found out, but she exploded on her FB account how I corrupted her brother. My brother is mad at me for sleeping with this guy on his wedding night. AITA for sleeping with her brother on her wedding night? ETA: This really is about whether I was the asshole for hooking up with her brother after the reception because 1) I sort of knew it would get back to them and 2) I knew it would upset my brother. The day was supposed to be about them, even if the bride is an insufferable wench. I did not want to add bad memories to my brother's day. I love him too much for that. ETA #2: Have to go back to work now (11:15 AM EDT). ETA #3: Came back to answer a few questions and express my thanks to this community. The FB post. I got some interesting advice from someone I reached out to get the post. Said to me: "This will allow people to search for her post and give her shit. You'll make it worse than it is if you put the FB screenshot anywhere. Your brother will be super pissed." \- I can't disagree with that. I am holding off from posting. (Plus, I never got a screenshot from anyone.) 2) I never met her brother before this, and I did not know he was gay. I knew she had a brother. That was it because I wanted to know nothing about her. It wasn't until he sat down and started chatting with me that I even got an inkling he was related to her. 3) We're friends at most. This will likely never evolve into a romantic relationship. It wasn't a hate fuck against his sister or any sort of revenge sex. We enjoyed each other's company, we were both horny, and we both wanted to get laid. Never once thought of her or my brother (ew) and what they would think. 4) This whole episode, including this Reddit post, forced me to acknowledge I need to have a serious talk with my brother. I love him, but he is condoning mental and verbal abuse against me by proxy through his now wife. I did talk to my parents last night about this whole situation, and they are now worried my sibling relationship will get fractured beyond repair. I reminded them my brother decided to marry this woman even after she started taking shots at me. That set them back on their heels. 5) I am incredibly grateful to r/ askgaybros for their advice, humor, insight, skepticism, and a load of brilliant ideas. You gave me WAY too much to think about, and I see now I desperately need that. 6) Adios! This user name will now be orphaned, but I am preserving then entire thread in a day or two. &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/vcs9vn/update_aita_for_hooking_up_with_new_sils_brother/) on Jun 15, 2022 In the last almost seven or so weeks weeks these things happened. 1. Talked to my brother about a week after the original post to give myself time to think. I laid out several of the points expressed in the comments. He said its now his responsibility to support his wife even when she is mostly wrong. I said I was sorry to hear that, and informed him I am going LC (actually NC) with him. It upset him, especially when I would not respond to his texts or requests. I told him already he told me all I need to know. 2. My parents are really upset about this rift between me and my brother. I asked if they support his wife verbally attacking me, and they said no. I asked if it was fair people expected me to put up with it. They said no. I asked why my brother didn’t defend me against her attacks. They said nothing. I asked why they didn’t defend me. Mom cried and dad said we needed to talk about this later. Still waiting for the talk. 3. Mother’s Day included only me and my brother. SIL spent it with her mother. It was a tense – read TENSE – day. Brother and I hardly spoke. I made direct eye contact with him all day, he could not look me in the face for long. Parents tiptoed around the issue, but brother and I made an effort to be civil and shower mom with love. Brother looked really upset when he left after 4 hours to go get his wife and see his mother-in-law. I heard they planned on visiting my mom later in the evening after I left. 4. Memorial Day I did not show at my parents since brother and sister-in-law were going to be there. Mom asked for my coleslaw recipe, and I just ignored the request. Went to the house of a family friend (who happen to side with me on this), and they loved my coleslaw and Jell-O fruit salad (no, it is not a 1950s monstrosity). Parents were really upset I went there or anywhere instead of their house. I told them I didn’t go because we still needed to talk. Waiting to see what effect that produces. 5. Showed K (SIL’s brother) the post in Reddit after showing my brother. We sat and looked it over together. He got quite a kick out of a number of the suggestions. Then K asked why I thought we would not be romantically compatible. I explained the big one happened to be about religion. I’m an atheist and he’s a fairly devout christian. K then hit me with this line, and it stunned me:“I don’t judge people on their religion. I judge people on how the act and treat others. I know a lot of non-religious people who are better human beings that half the people who go to my church.” As result we’ve become closer friends (yes, with a lot of benefits… it was just too damn good the first time), but refrained from discussing entering into any formal relationship. We both agreed to just let the situation float along and see where we each are in three or four months. We have a good time together, and we are going to my family’s 4th of July party together… because They will be there. 6) We got matching mugs (after a Redditor suggestion). His says “I went to my sister’s wedding, and all I got was fucked.” Date at the bottom. Mine says the same with brother replacing sister. 7) K learned sister is pissed off because a number of the reception photos, some of her favorites, contain he and I leading our fun lives in the background. She tried to get them airbrushed or edited, but all the people she talked to said it would look like garbage. She eliminated all but one of the photos from the album. One of the comments in the post predicted this, so kudos to that Redditor. 8) Father's Day is this Sunday, and I think it's going to be a repeat of Mother's Day. This will be hard on my dad since he always thought my brother and I would always be best friends. Brother and me usually splurge together for my dad, but this year I am going solo on the gift. I am pretty certain this will piss off my brother, but I haven't heard from him regarding the gift. Not a lot else to report. Again, **HUGE thanks to this community** for helping me better understand the dynamics at work. I lost a lot of respect (almost all) for my brother in our subsequent talks. SIL likes to trash talk both me and K (her brother) to anyone who will listen, and most people are telling her to get over it. Brother and SIL are looking to buy a house, but lack funds. Normally, my brother could turn to me for help, but that is not going to happen. Edited to try and fix formatting. &#x200B; [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/vuqjbl/update_update_aita_for_hooking_up_with_new_sils/) on Jul 08, 2022 Here is final update to this, and I am combining the Father’s Day and 4th of July into one post. I appreciate people are invested in this story, but now I feel like a ninth grader required to give a book report. 1. Dad had a talk with me on the Friday before Father’s Day. He said both he and mom did not want to get involved in this “spat” between my brother and me. I asked if it was because he feared SIL would withhold the grandchildren from them, and he said no. He said, as parents, they did not want to show favoritism to one child. He agreed SIL acted despicably toward me, and he already talked to my brother twice about her actions: once before the wedding and once before Mother’s Day. My father would not divulge the content of those talks. 2. My mother talked to me after Father’s Day. She said I had every right to be upset. She said thinks SIL is clearly in the wrong, but she also reiterated what my father said about showing favorites. I asked why she and my father didn’t defend me against what SIL did and said. My mother said I am the most capable person in the family in regard to self-defense, and I said that did not excuse her from protecting her child. My mother got really upset when I said that, and the talk quickly ended. 3. Father’s Day turned out to be a very awkward occasion. We did celebrate him, but perhaps in our own ways. SIL again spent the day with her family or at least while I was at my parents’ house. I could tell Dad really wanted my brother and me to talk. I made an invitation to my brother, but he declined. He said I already knew his position on the matter. I responded he knew mine. Radio silence from that moment onward. 4. I asked K if he was enjoying the drama surrounding this, and he said not really. K said he doesn’t like fighting with his siblings. It’s made interacting with his family very stressful. I also asked him if he made a plan for his sister’s wedding that involved to get some sort of revenge or payback. He said no. K stated he mostly wanted to introduce himself to me so neither us of felt completely alone at the wedding. He told me he did not expect to find a charming, witty, and intelligent man that seemed to understand him from the start (he honestly said that). K said the dancing and fun, and the rest of the night, happened organically. 5. 4th of July was… very interesting. K joined me in attending the family celebration. I brought my coleslaw and K brought some of the best damn cornbread I ever tasted (he told me in private his grandmother made it). We acted like complete and utter gentlemen as agreed upon prior to attending, meaning we never hugged or kissed. I said our presence alone would incite his sister, and it did. We stayed affable and friendly with everyone else. K is a great joke teller. Some of the relatives asked about our relationship status, and we said just friends. My parents seemed relieved at my (our) restraint. A number of comments to the first Update suggested this, and I decided it was good advice. I am fairly certain SIL wanted us to be fondling and groping each other so she could call us out on it. I believe our reserved conduct further angered her early on. 6. Also on the 4th, SIL made a little huffing noise every time she spotted either K or me. After about two hours of this, my brother told her to knock it off as it made her appear childish. My jaw hit the floor and rolled down the hall because he said it when he knew I could hear it. She looked incredibly pissed off by that, but she held her tongue. There is something else happening either around or between them, but I don’t have any details. SIL actually eased up throughout the rest of the day. We went to see a fireworks display in the evening, and that was the last I saw of her or my brother for the day. K and I sat next to each other during the show among my family. It was a good show. 7. At this point my brother and I are not on speaking terms. He made his choice. He gets to make it. I get to make my choice. This looks to be the permanent state of the situation. My parents are not happy with this, but they believe (and have said) this is an issue we need to work out for ourselves. It would be too easy to accuse them of cowardice, but I don’t think it’s that anymore. They still treat me with love and respect. They tell me they disagree with SIL’s actions and positions. Mom said she told SIL not to act like she did on the 4th ever again. My mother can be really scary when she’s angry. 8. I took to heart some people’s questions as to whether I am purposefully being antagonistic. Maybe a little? However, I feel like I am defending my place in the home of my parents against an interloper who quite literally destroyed the family dynamic (yes, I know my brother actually did). I fully plan on just ignoring her if we happen to be there at the same time. I refuse to avoid any family gatherings for her sake (great advice from Reddit). It’s my parents and my childhood home, not hers. Both she and my brother need to remember and respect that. 9. K and I continue to be friends with a lot on the side. I don’t know where this is is heading, but I am enjoying where things stand and how it could develop. He seems to be enjoying it just as much. We’ve gone so far as to introduce each other to our friend groups. Some people say they get a boyfriend vibe from us, and some say they don’t. I honestly don’t feel like sex is at the center of our friendship (or whatever this is) anymore. He told me on July 6th he knew how his sister would and did treat me. K said he didn’t want me to have to face it alone like he did. He really is a very good friend. 10. One final development from yesterday. My father asked me if I knew my brother and SIL were looking to buy a house. I told him I sort of figured that out on my own. Dad did not ask me about money, but I did say I would not be available to lend any monetary assistance. He said he understood. \[For the record, I got a B.S. and M.S. that led a great job I got through nepotism (through an aunt). It pays very well, but it doesn’t put me in the very wealthy category. I just save money all the time and invest conservatively. I scrimp and save on everything. K calls me cheap, but smart.\] I am fairly certain my brother is following these posts, so he would know how I reacted to all of this. I don’t believe my parents know about Reddit. If they do, they kept quiet about it. This will be the last update. I came to Reddit to get some sorely needed advice and perspective, and everyone came through. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the support internet strangers offered me as this unfolded over the past several months. They say blood is thicker than water, but so is chemical waste and dynamite. I am learning to put my family relationships on a more adult level, and Reddit helped me a lot. Peace and love to all. THANKS! ETA: PLEASE, everyone, do not try to make a movie or write a book about this. I withhold any permission to do so with any of the posts about this episode of my life. LAST ETA (Edited to Add): I am signing off from this account now. I cannot fully express my gratitude for all you Redditors who raised good points, offered advice, provided comforting words, shared similar experiences, called me out when needed, and basically reminded me there is good in this world. I am deeply and humbly in your debt. This is an awesome community, and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Cheers! (07/09/2022, 15:55 PM Easter Time). &#x200B; [Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/106r5ac/sils_gay_brother_and_me/) \- Jan 08, 2023 **ETA**: Please do not use my post, any of my responses, or my personal story for any film, television, podcast, blog, or any other form of media entertainment. This is a short follow-up to the multi-part post about how I ended up hooking up with my new SIL's brother. Link: [https://www.reddittorjg6rue252oqsxryoxengawnmo46qy4kyii5wtqnwfj4ooad.onion/r/askgaybros/comments/uccg0r/aita\_for\_hooking\_up\_with\_new\_sils\_brother/](https://www.reddittorjg6rue252oqsxryoxengawnmo46qy4kyii5wtqnwfj4ooad.onion/r/askgaybros/comments/uccg0r/aita_for_hooking_up_with_new_sils_brother/) So, me and my brother haven't spoken to or seen each other since November 2nd. He sent me a text asking if I could give him some money to help with a down payment for a new house. He said "give" and not loan. I whipped up a loan contract and sent it to him. He got mad and complained with my dad who told him it was unrealistic to borrow a large sum of money from me. My brother called me an a-hole for not giving him the money because he believes I can afford it. He never even said please. We're done as brothers after that. Brother and I now split holidays with our parents. We're never there at the same time. This makes our mom really sad, and our dad isn't happy with it either. However, they do understand and -- although they never said it out loud -- I know they eventually sided with me on this. My SIL is just a horrific homophobe. We know this because of stories K told us about growing up with her (and his family is not really peachy either). As many Redditors predicted, K and I did become a couple. We figured that out right after Halloween when we realized we each stopped dating because we always hung out together. K all but moved into my apartment by Halloween. He spent more time there than at his parent's house. He moved in full-time just before Thanksgiving. He is so easy to live with, and the adjustment was never difficult for either of us. Apparently his sister and most of his family are really, really pissed off he is living with me and we're a couple. Who cares, right? Fuck them. K and I spent most of Thanksgiving and most of Christmas with my mom and dad. Mom said she's glad she doesn't have to pretend anymore that K and I aren't together. They really like him. K loves my folks. I think he's using me to get to them (just kidding). We went to a great New Year's party at a friend's house. Everyone there who knows us knew we'd become a couple. They said it was one of deals that just looked so obvious. I feel kind of stupid for trying to ignore the fact he and I just got along so well together. I'm pretty much a fool in love. So, kind of split down the middle. Lost my brother, but got a great boyfriend. Parents still refrain from telling me or my brother how we need to act toward each other. I can't see my relationship with my brother ever getting fixed unless... well, I do want him to be as happy as he can be. Peace to everyone. For those of you who predicted these outcomes, I guess it was kind of transparent and I was kind of being willfully ignorant. Thanks to all on Reddit! (K says hello as he's watching me write this.) &#x200B; **Reminder, I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

PsiqueLoveisLove

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/136utqy/oop_hooks_up_with_his_homophobicsils_brother_and/

136utqy

My mother-in-law shows her true racist colors + NEW UPDATE

NEW UPDATE

**I am not The OOP, OOP is**  u/Ok_Classroom1548 **My mother-in-law shows her true racist colors** **Originally posted to**  r/JUSTNOMIL [Original BORU Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11jjip7/my_motherinlaw_shows_her_true_racist_colors/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Trigger warning:** >!racism, racial slurs!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/11ae4sa/my_mother_in_law_shows_her_true_racist_colors/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Feb 24, 2023** My husband and I have been together for 4 years and we just got married in October of 2022. He’s amazing, quite literally the man of my dreams and I have an amazing life with him now. My parents and the rest of my family love him. I’m Native American and have a really big family and he comes to family events, holidays, cookouts, etc and I haven’t heard a single member of my family say they didn’t like him. My husband’s family is very small. Other than his parents, he has one brother, his wife and their 2 kids. His brother and his family live multiple states away, so we only see them around the holidays and they don’t really have much extended family. So the only members of my husband’s family I really see are his parents. His parents are the stereotypical white conservative small town Christians (my husband is no longer religious). MIL stays at home and tends to the house while FIL works. I was worried about his parent’s beliefs at first as I practice my Native tribe’s spiritual beliefs, I’m very left leaning socially and politically, don’t dress very conventional, and my husband and I have no desire to have children. But they were pretty chill with me when I met them the first time. His dad I have had no problems with, but over time, I have begun having trouble with his mother. She just flat out doesn’t like me. According to my FIL she has said I’m “not the kind of woman that needs to be with her son.” Her reasoning is because I don’t “act like a woman”, I won’t be a housewife, and I have a “man’s job.” I’m a flight paramedic for a service that airlifts critically unstable patients. I love my job and I love being a paramedic. My husband has never expressed that he wants me to be a housewife or take up a stereotypically “feminine” job. If he did we wouldn’t be together. But apparently that’s what his mother thinks he needs. When I first met his parents we had been dating for about 5 months. MIL said at first that I didn’t look like the kind of woman my husband would bring home. I didn’t take it to heart, I figured she didn’t mean it in a harsh way. When they asked what I did for work I told them I was a flight medic. FIL said that was awesome while MIL just kinda frowned and didn’t say anything. Whatever. She was pretty cordial in the beginning, but as my husband and I got more and more serious, she began to not like me more. It started out with snide comments. She would manage to sneak into conversations the fact that she thinks women should be homemakers, or have jobs like teacher or caretaker. When started working 48 hour shifts, she asked who was going to take care of the house work. My husband told her he would while I was gone those 2 days. She got upset and said it wasn’t fair that I made her son do it all by himself while I left. My husband told her that we split household chores evenly and that it was fine. One day we were over and she went off on this rant about how she missed when women acted like women and men acted like men. She started talking about how women needed to start being housewives and mothers again while the men worked and provided. While she never directly said it, I knew she included me in that. FIL told her to calm down and that this wasn’t the time for that kind of discussion and she got mad and said “well it’s just the truth” and looked in my direction. I’m not an idiot, I knew this rant was just a way for her to tell me how she felt without directly telling me. My husband was pretty angry when we left and I can’t say I was too pleased. I told him she was allowed to have her opinion no matter how stupid it was and I wasn’t going to lose sleep over the fact that she seems to still be living in the 1950s. He said he was angry about the blatant disrespect. He talked to her about and said she wouldn’t do it again. So I managed to let that situation roll off my shoulders. Everything came to a head with her a few weeks ago. FIL invited us over for dinner so we went. My cousin is getting married in a few months and my husband mentioned that we were going to the wedding. It will be a traditional wedding in accordance to our tribe’s customs. FIL said that was cool and MIL asked if there was going to be alcohol there. I didn’t really see how that was an issue so I said yes. She responded with “Son, you don’t need to be around all that drinking.” My husband said it was fine and that it wouldn’t be a problem. She said “no you don’t need to go it’s not safe if there’s going to be alcohol there.” I said “Why wouldn’t it be safe? It’s not like we’re going to be at a bar. It’s just gonna be my family.” She then said “well some people can get violent when they drink.” I knew exactly what “some people” meant and that this was a racist remark. I told her that no one would be getting violent and that everyone would have a designated driver. My husband then said that we were going and there wasn’t going to be any negotiation about it because he was a grown man and could make decisions for himself. That just made her more upset and she started going off about how it wasn’t a good idea for him to be around a bunch of drunk people. After FIL told her to calm my husband asked why it mattered so much to her anyway because it’s not like we were forcing her to go with us. She then said “I just don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be around a bunch of drunk Indians.” I was in shock. I knew this is what she meant but I didn’t think she had the balls to flat out say it. “You can’t be serious,” I said. She preceded to tell me, “I am serious. I know how you people are and I don’t want me son around it.” My husband began to lose it and started yelling at her. I honestly didn’t have a response to that, I was just dumbfounded, as was my FIL. My husband told her he would not stand for her blatant disrespect and hatefulness any longer and was not going allow her to be racist towards me. She then said “I can’t believe you’re seriously choosing this red skinned bitch over your own mother. I gave birth to you!” I told her to go fuck herself and left out the front door, with my husband following me. She came running out the door after him begging him not to leave. He then told her “No, fuck you, you’re dead to me and I never want to hear from or see you again.” He was shaking with anger when he got in the car and told me he was done with her and her bullshit and that we wouldn’t be going back over there. Ever since then she has been blowing up our phones saying she’s sorry and begging to reconcile. I don’t what to do. My husband is angry and upset that his mother is like this. Does anyone have any advise on how to deal with a situation like this. **ADDITIONAL COMMENT FROM OOP** [Mini Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/11ae4sa/my_mother_in_law_shows_her_true_racist_colors/j9s0l3z?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) Hello everyone. First off I just want to thank you all for your kind words and advice, it means a lot to me. I didn’t think this would get as much attention as quickly as it did. My husband and I have not had contact with MIL since this happened. We did however set up a group video chat with my husband and I, his brother, and FIL. I’m at work right now so I can’t make a full update at the moment but long story short we discussed everything and FIL and husband’s brother are on our side. I posted this to see if there was anything else we could possibly do or if we were in the wrong for not wanting contact with her anymore. But I know see that our decision was probably the most reasonable. I’ll go into more details and post a follow up when I get off work. Thank you all ❤️ [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/11b9fug/update_my_mother_in_law_shows_her_true_racist/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  **Feb 25, 2023** Hello again. This is a follow up/update to my post about my MIL being racist and calling me a slur. There is a little more to my story that I couldn’t fit into the original post. The reason I didn’t have much of an adverse reaction to her words is because sadly these are things I’ve heard my whole life. I’m not white passing and you can take one look at me and tell I’m native. I think what my MIL said shocked so many people is because many think explicit racism like that is a thing of the past when it is still very much alive in the minds of some. After the incident took place my husband and I went home and MIL tried to call and text both of us to beg for forgiveness and told us she’s sorry and wants to make up. I blocked her and my husband told her to leave him alone until he and I worked through this. My husband also told his brother about this and he was horrified as well. My FIL also contacted us and said he was sorry for what had happened. He said he didn’t know she had thoughts like this and in the moment he was so shocked with what she said that he didn’t know what to say or do. He asked if it would be possible for my husband and I to speak with just him to see what he could do going forward. We agreed. We ended up having a video call between me, my husband, FIL, and my husband’s brother (who I’ll just call BIL going forward). BIL said that there wasn’t much he could do because he is several states away but he would be supporting us in whatever decision we made and that he would be sending a strongly worded message to MIL. FIL was very emotional about the situation and said he didn’t want to lose his son over what MIL said and that he would do anything to keep contact with my husband. He was so upset and confused as to why she thought the way she did and why it was all coming out now. I said that she may have always felt this way, but because they live and have always lived in pretty white communities, I was the first person she knew to take it out on. Everyone agreed to that. FIL said he wanted to suggest she go to therapy or some sort of counseling to work out these feelings within herself and that he planned to tell her that she had a choice: either seek help to change her narrow view of the world or lose both her son and him. He said that I make my husband happy and as his father there is nothing more he could ever want. We all agreed that some counseling would definitely be beneficial to her if she was willing to go. My husband said he does not want to talk to MIL right now and that he didn’t know when or if he would be able to. He said that if he had anything to say to her or if there was an emergency, he would go through FIL to get to her. In the meantime he will be blocking her number. I said I just didn’t want any contact at all and we all left it at that. I also told my parents and some elders in my community and they were upset too because this is stuff they have heard as well. But they commended my husband for having my back and said they understood my decision to go no contact. And that’s the situation right now. I want to thank everyone that left kind words/advice on the original post. I made it to see if we had maybe done something wrong or if the decision to go no contact was a bad one, but I now see that it is probably the best option. While this situation and what was said upset me, the kind words on my first reminds me that there is still good in this world. And if anyone else is going through a situation similar I’ll tell you what my dad told me: “You can never force people to be kind to you, but you can make the choice to surround yourself with kind people.” Thank you all ❤️ ##NEW UPDATE [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/12z6oem/update_2_my_mother_in_law_shows_her_true_racist/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Apr 26, 2023** Hi again. It’s been a couple months since I last posted about my situation in which my mother in law called me a red skinned bitch and said my family was a bunch of drunk Indians. I figured I’d conclude the story since I think this mess is finally coming to an end. Long story short: FIL is divorcing MIL. MIL went to counseling twice a week for about 3 weeks until she eventually decided that she had enough of it. I guess she thought that was enough to make my FIL and husband happy, but she showed no real remorse for her actions or any change in her racist mind set. FIL told us that they had gotten into argument about how I was “talking their son away from them” to which FIL said that SHE had drove my husband away from them, not me. MIL was very angry that FIL continued to take our side on the situation instead of hers. This erupted into a very heated argument between the two them, and FIL didn’t go into extensive detail. She ended up saying more bad things about me, about how I had tore her family apart, made a mockery of her, stole her son, and pushed her husband and other son away from her. In reality, if she would’ve just kept her mouth shut this all could’ve been avoided. My husband is pissed, naturally. I can’t say I feel much emotion about it though. I feel bad for my husband and his family, as they are losing contact with their mother and wife. But then again I also see a bitter old racist getting what she deserves. It’s a shitty situation overall. FIL said MIL was so angry she left the house and is staying with a friend for the time being while lawyers sort things out. FIL is still very upset, which I understand. He told me he felt terrible about the whole thing, but he didn’t want to remain married to an evil woman and someone who would drive his children away. He told me that he understands he is not a perfect man and has made mistakes and not always been the most accepting or open minded, but he wants to become a better person and try to understand people of other cultures and identities. I greatly respect that. So in an attempt to lift his spirits I offered to take him to a powwow a couple weeks ago, and he accepted. My husband has gone with me several times, but this would be FIL’s first experience with anything like that. I introduced him to my family and he was very respectful. He had a blast. We danced, sang, listened to the music, and ate until our stomachs were about to pop. He thanked my family and I for letting him be apart of this and that he hadn’t had this much fun since he was a young man. My family and I thanked him for being a good person and sticking beside my husband and I through such a messy situation. My father tried to console him by saying that sometimes the best way to grow is to cut ties with toxic people who will hold you back. Honestly, I think this is the best this could’ve have gone and I’m so happy my husband didn’t have to cut ties with both his parents, because he’s always been so close to his father. I can see that my FIL is trying to be a good person and become a more accepting and supportive guy. I’m very happy about that. I’d like to again say thank you to those of you who left such positive comments on my previous posts, it really means a lot to me and makes me happy to know that there a people with good hearts out there. I seen that another subreddit (Best of Reddit Updates) saw my post and many people said nice things there too. And to any natives who have dealt with or are dealing with racist comments, discrimination, or being called racial slurs: Never stop existing because our existence is the biggest form of rebellion. We’re still here and we’re not going anywhere. Thank all of you kind internet strangers. Peace and love always ❤️ **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1378p96/my_motherinlaw_shows_her_true_racist_colors_new/

1378p96

AITA for refusing to change my style at work even though my bf says it’s unprofessional?

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**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Responsible\_Log5346](https://www.reddit.com/user/Responsible_Log5346/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP's going to be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12vjbz8/aita_for_refusing_to_change_my_style_at_work_even/)**: April 22, 2023** I (24f) have been dating my boyfriend (26m) for about eight months. I have always had a very alternative look, even as a child, that got more expressive as I grew up. Colorful hair, facial piercings, tattoos, and very dark and bold makeup. This is how I feel most comfortable and happy. When we started dating, my bf said he liked my look, even though he himself dresses very basically. He even hyped me up when I showed him new makeup looks or outfits. However a few days ago as I was getting ready for work, he kept making weird faces at me. I asked him what was up and he said nothing but kept shaking his head. This really irritated me because he was obviously bothered but I wasn’t going to entertain his huffy behavior. I finished getting ready and tried to kiss him goodbye like I always do but he just turned away from me. This really hurt my feelings and I can’t even lie, I did cry a little bit on the way to work. I tried to text him during my breaks but he didn’t respond at all. When I finally got home and he still wouldn’t say anything to me, I lost it. I asked him what his problem was and why he’s treating me this way. He motioned to my clothes and simply said “that”. I obviously didn’t know what he meant so I asked what about it and he said something like “I just can’t believe you’d wear that to work” I was confused because this is what I always wear. I told him that and he was like “yeah I know, it’s so unprofessional, you’ll never accomplish anything looking like that” I couldnt believe he said that to me. I was fighting back tears at this point, trying to tell him that my job allows it and that I’m not the only one at work that dresses like this. He just kept repeating himself and said that clearly it’s not that good of a job if they allow me to look like that. I couldnt take it anymore and left to go to my sisters house. He called me and I told him to fuck off, that I wasn’t gonna change my look because he didn’t like it. He called me selfish, saying that I’m ruining our future together because I can’t sacrifice one thing so we could have a good life together. Even though my job allows it AND it’s a good paying office job. There was no reason for me to sacrifice anything. After that, I hung up on him and ignored him the rest of the night. I explained everything to my sister and she does agree my look is unprofessional, but if it doesn’t cause issues at work then it shouldn’t matter. The next day, I had about a million messages from him saying how selfish I’m being and ruining our futures. I started feeling really guilty for leaving. I feel like I’m not wrong here but even my sister kind of agreed with him so I don’t know. TLDR; My boyfriend got upset that I wore my usual alternative style to work saying it’s unprofessional. We started arguing and I left. I told him I wouldn’t change, he says I’m being selfish. Am I the asshole here? ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP clarifies some common questions in a* [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12vjbz8/aita_for_refusing_to_change_my_style_at_work_even/jhbve8h/?context=3): "Reading through the comments and I noticed a few reoccurring questions so I’ll answer best as I can. As for my job, I work in insurance. I don’t want to give too much information more than that for privacy but this is a well paying job. I’ve gotten promoted twice in the two and a half years Ive been here and my direct manager is covered in tattoos. I also don’t wear anything inappropriate, I’m always fully covered so my appearance genuinely is not an issue. As for his sudden change… I really don’t understand it either. I guess it is possible someone said something to him but he didn’t mentioned that. We haven’t talked since I came back either because he’s ignoring me now. We don’t technically live together, he just stays over at my place most of the time so I’m assuming he went back to his moms. I do plan on having a serious discussion with him about what happened and our relationship." *Girl, why did you have to leave YOUR place?* "I left because I was very emotional and didn’t want to make things worse. We don’t live together but he does stay with me most days. Things have been so good the entire relationship so I was completely caught off guard by this. I feel guilty because he does seem concerned for me but he also isn’t listening which is upsetting." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Responsible_Log5346/comments/130brx1/update_aita_for_refusing_to_change_my_style_at/)**: April 27, 2023 (5 days later)** I was not allowed to post an update on the AITA sub so I decided to post it here for anyone who wanted to know what ended up happening. So you guys were right. My bf finally came back to my apartment Sunday, no message or call, just walked in like nothing happened. I immediately started questioning him, asking where the hell he’s been and why hasn’t he been answering me. He gives me a half assed response saying his mom needed help with something and he “forgot” to tell me. I told him he can’t just ignore me for three days and he said he wasn’t, even though he CLEARLY was. I was already getting upset so I told him that even if he wasn’t ignoring me, the way he treated me before he left was messed up. Of course he just starts saying he didn’t do anything wrong and that he was just trying to help me see how I’m hurting us both by dressing the way I do. I tell him for like the 500th time that my job does not care what I wear and it’s not his concern. He said even if my work was okay with it, other people do and he shouldn’t have to suffer because of it. This is where shit went south. I started yelling who is saying that and why does it even matter. He says no one but he “sees the way people stare” and it “embarrasses him”. I cried because I was so hurt. He told me to stop being dramatic and that it isn’t a big deal, but at this point I’m beyond pissed. I said if he’s so embarrassed of how I dress, he can date someone else. He starts to freak out saying that’s not what he meant and he’s just worried what people think. I keep asking what people, because clearly their opinion is more important than how I feel. He just kept looking around and trying to change the subject, saying shit like “there’s no one specific but”. I told him I didn’t want to hear it and to leave right now. He was saying things like “are you serious” and “you’re really gonna act this way over clothes”. I just told him to get out over and over and eventually he left, making a big deal of stomping out and slamming the door. Monday I put all his shit in a box and left it outside and texted him he can come pick it up when he brings me back my key. I told him we are done because I won’t be with someone who treats me like this. He kept messaging me but I just ignored all of it. He came by at some point and picked up his stuff but didn’t leave the key. I was extremely worried that he would try to come in my apartment while I was asleep or away so I called my dad and he changed my locks for me. Overall I’m just extremely emotionally exhausted and heartbroken. I knew his behavior towards me was shitty but I was truly hoping it was him being bad at communicating. I was way too hung up on it being about my style and not him being manipulative like you guys were saying. I do think maybe someone specific got into his head but he wouldn’t say who. Either way it doesn’t really matter because it’s over. I appreciate all the kind comments and messages from the last post. He is toxic and I’m annoyed and embarrassed I didn’t want to see it.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/137c6qx/aita_for_refusing_to_change_my_style_at_work_even/

137c6qx

AITA for not letting for niece “borrow” my service dog

CONCLUDED

**I am not OP. This is a repost sub.** Trigger warnings: none Mood spoiler: >!Happy!< I have taken the liberty of adding paragraph breaks. [**AITA for not letting for niece “borrow” my service dog**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12xoqhc/aita_for_not_letting_for_niece_borrow_my_service/) (posted to [r/AmItheAsshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) on April 24 2023) I (22f) have seizures and I have a service dog to help me while I am in public. I live with my boyfriend, so my dog is usually off-duty while I am at home. I also have a niece (15f) that gets seizures as well. My dog was trained by a professional dog trainer and it cost me $15,000 to get her trained. I saved up for years and my boyfriend helped me as well. Two days ago my sister (40f) asked if my niece could borrow my service dog for her birthday. She wants to go to the mall with a few of her friends. She is not usually allowed to go places without my sister because of her seizures. I told her that I couldn’t do that. My dog is trained to respond to me and I don’t know how she’d do with my niece. I also don’t like the idea of having my dog in public without me and I also need my dog for my own seizures. My sister got mad and said it would only be for a few hours and that I should be willing to help out family since everyone helped me while I was growing up. She called my mom and while my mom agrees with me she also doesn’t want to upset my sister so she wants me to let her use my dog for a few hours tomorrow. My boyfriend says I’m in the right but I keep getting calls from family members saying I’m being selfish. So AITA? Edit: Thank you everyone. My family got into my head and made me second guess myself, but I feel more confident in my answer now. I’m going to have a conversation with my sister and see if I can help her come up with another idea for my niece. Edit 2: My niece was not aware that her mom was acting like this, so she is not being entitled. It’s just my sister and some other family members. **Update** (via edit): UPDATE: Hi everyone! I just thought I’d post an update for you all. Yesterday I had my niece, sister, and mom come over. I told my niece to take control of AJ (my service dog) to see how she’d handle her. I knew she wouldn’t be able to do it well, but I wanted everyone else to see too. As expected she didn’t know how to command her to do her tasks. I then sat everyone down and explained in detail how I got AJ and how she helps me. They do know from being around me, but they never really learned in detail how it works. I then offered to chaperone my niece and her friends at the mall with my boyfriend. My sister said no. She says I only wanted to do that to “show off” my dog. I also offered to help my niece get money for her own service dog. My sister also said no to that because she didn’t wanna be seen as a “charity case”. She then took my niece and left. My mother apologized to me and said she’d help smooth things over with my other family members. Later last night I got a call from my niece. She apologized for my sisters behavior and said that she wants me to chaperone her mall trip. She also was interested in me helping her get money for her own dog. After our call I called my sister and again offered to help (I didn’t mention that my niece called me) and she hesitated but finally agreed. She says she has been feeling very overwhelmed recently and was scared about my nieces future. She apologized for the way she acted. She also said she felt jealous that I was able to get money for AJ. I took this opportunity to talk to her about raising money for a service dog which she also finally agreed to do. Today I did take my niece to the mall and she had a good time with her friends. I also talked with her friends about what to do if someone has a seizure. My sister seemed a lot more relaxed when I brought my niece home. She didn’t use to be this angry. She was very kind and pleasant when I was growing up. Her husband left her and my niece when my niece was 10 and she became a bitter person after that. Especially since he remarried and has a healthy daughter with his new wife. My mom also was able to calm down my other family members. I have been receiving apologies from them as well. Thank you everyone for helping me see I was right.

minnieboss

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/137d83u/aita_for_not_letting_for_niece_borrow_my_service/

137d83u

AITA for not telling the nurse at my niece's school about my profession?

ONGOING

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Ecstatic-Wrap-5947](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ecstatic-Wrap-5947/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!cute and wholesome!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12wrg2g/aita_for_nit_telling_the_nurse_at_my_nieces/)**: April 23, 2023** I (29F) was supposed to pick up my niece (Sophie - 7F) from elementary school and spend a day with her. It was all mentioned before to the school and I've picked her up a few times before. Sophie was running towards me, but unfortunately she tripped and fell down. Her knee was bruised and she started crying like crazy. I took her to the nurse's office immeidately. The nurse was in her early twenties and helped sophie with cleaning up her wound and dressing. I tell my niece a lot about my line of work so she asked if she was going to need stitches, if so, how many and what kind, etc. The nurse was impressed. She showed Sophie a few items of equipment she had and asked if Sophie wanted to be a nurse like her. Sophie said no, she wanted to be a doctor like her aunt aka me. The nurse got a bit upset and asked me why I didn't say anything about this. I was honestly confused. I was like why would I need to even mention it. I even threw in a compliment saying she was quite good at her job and I enjoyed witnessing a professional at work. She said I was being too generous with my comments. I told her I was being honest and thanked her for taking care of Sophie's knee. Right when Sophie and I were leaving, she said she'd never be able to guess my line of work correctly because I look better than most of my colleagues. I thanked her again and said I appreciated her help. She said I still owed her for not telling her my job and that it felt like I was testing her or deliberately trying to see how she was doing. I apologised and said that was not what I meant and that I knew she was more than capable of doing her job well. She said maybe I could find a way to make it up to her properly and I was like sure, but Sophie and I need to go now. I don't know if I was rude but this had me thinking, should I have told her about my job?? **Edit**: I'd like to thank everyone for their lovely comments and making me realize what was going on this whole time. I'll post an update if anything interesting happens in subsequent days. Thanks again! ***Relevant Comments:*** *GIRL she was flirting with you!!!* "I can certainly see it now. Honestly this is embarrassing" *Are you queer???* "Haha I didn't expect this to get this much attention to be honest. By the way sorry I took so long to answer I was busy all day. To answer your question, well I am in fact bisexual" *Are you in a relationship and does she have a chance?* "No and yes" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ecstatic-Wrap-5947/comments/13297eg/aita_for_not_telling_the_nurse_at_my_nieces/)**: April 28, 2023 (5 days later)** Hi everyone Original post [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12wrg2g/aita_for_nit_telling_the_nurse_at_my_nieces/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) First of all, thanks for your lovely comments on my original post. I appreciate every single one, and I would like to thank everyone who took the time to give their input on the situation As you could see in the original post, I was absolutely clueless during the whole interaction and missed the flirting part altogether. So I took your advice, asked my sister to let me babysit Sophia again and picked her up from school. Around 10 minutes before school was over, I went to the nurse's office with a bouquet of flowers and thanked the nurse for taking care of niece's knee and asked her if I had the opportunity to make up for my rudeness from the last visit. Thankfully, she agreed. We went on a date last night, it included a late evening walk by the beach and dinner. By the end of the night I showed her the post and I think it is safe to say she was as amused as every single one of the commentors and she can barely stop teasing me about it. So overall, thank you so much for your comments and help! **Editor's note:** All of your oblivious flirting --> happy ending stories are making my day, thank you!

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/138a0hd/aita_for_not_telling_the_nurse_at_my_nieces/

138a0hd

AITA for telling my girlfriend she is a bad mother for making her daughter pay rent?

ONGOING

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/venecoexpat](https://www.reddit.com/user/venecoexpat/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12vfksf/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_she_is_a_bad/)**: April 22, 2023** I'm 35 years old. I'm a Venezuelan. I came into the US like 8 years ago because of the dictatorship, hungry, inflation, etc. I landed into a community of Venezuelan expats and other latin inmigrants, so everything was different, but felt a little like home. I did inmigrant wage jobs for 3 years (I am an engineer) and then got a nice job opportunity in the midwest, so I moved out immediately. It was hard since there are not as many latin americans here, but things got way better. Now I even have my own office. During lockdown I've met Ashlee. We started dating on the phone (we live in the same city) and after we could finally go out, started dating for real, she has a daughter, Susan, who now a few months about to be 18. Susan is kinda shy with me but we get along very well. After a while Ashlee asked me to move in with her and I said yes. Now, recently we were home and I hear them talk in the living room. Ashlee asked Susan to start paying rent the day she turns 18. Susan was angry because she doesn't earn that much with her part time job. Ashlee said that if she doesn't want to pay her rent, she can get out of the apartment and find her own place at marker price, then Susan started crying. Later I talked with Ashlee and asked why she was asking for rent, she just said "Its about time she starts paying". I was confused, in Latinoamérica that never happens, not that I know of, people over 30 still living with their parents contribute to the home but doesn't pay rent. So I asked her again why she is charging her own daughter rent and giving an ultimatum? Ashlee said "she most pay rent, she can't be a freeloader forver" but still, it's your daughter, not a stranger who broke into her home and changed the locks, its HER DAUGHTER! She didn't see my point of view, her arguments were more like "just because". I told her she is a bad mother for being willing to kick her daughter to the street and treating her like an stranger. Ashlee got into my face and told me "You don't know shit about this country, I paid rent to my parents until I moved out, get used to it, you are just my boyfriend, not her step dad, so SHUT THE FUCK UP, SUSAN IS MU DAUGHTER AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH HER" (sorry for the caps but she was yelling loud at this point). I never saw her like this, I guess everything she said is true, but this seems alien and bizarre to me. The next morning she told me I had to sleep somewhere else because didn't want to see my face, so I'm sleeping at my office. Susan called me to say she is sorry we had an argument because of her. I'm I overstepping? Is this normal and expected in this country? Should I minded my own business and not say anything? ***Relevant Comments:*** *How much is Ashlee charging Susan/is Susan in school?* "Susan will be out of school this year. Ashlee is asking a HUGE amount, barely like 30% less than market price, is still not market price, but even so, the simple concept of charging rent to her own daughter sound unreasonable to me, and almost at market price is crazy." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/venecoexpat/comments/130qhe3/update_for_my_aita_post/)**: April 27, 2023 (5 days later)** Buenas! So, the day after I did my post, Ashlee asked me to move back in, she was crying, saying that she miss me and wanted me back, apologized for kicking me out and being so mean to her. I went back in because I needed a shower and my office has no shower, and also because I needed to had a real talk with her. After a few hours of awkwardly coexisting there, I sat both of them at the table to address the issue. I was honest with Ashlee, I explained how I was raised, how things are in Latinoamérica, how I lived with my family and even my siblings partners and little children until I got into the US. I understand contributing to the house, and I understand she is her daughter, but she sees her daughter as a financial burden that makes me wonder about our future together. I wanna try and have kids before I'm 40, because I would be 60 when they're 20 and I feel like I would be too old. I would not want to have a partner who treats a child like an stranger as soon as gets 18. Ashlee was crying, asking for forgiveness, that didn't wanna loose me, and saying she will change. Susan was looking down all the time, saying nothing. I asked Ashlee if she was willing to change for me, she said yes, but then I asked "Why would you change for me and not for your daughter?". She was so confused. I asked her if I am a priority to her and she said "yes". I asked her "I am "only your boyfriend" how am I a priority to you and not your daughter?" Ashlee then said incoherent things going back and forth between "Sorry, you both are my priority, I love you, would do anything for you". I can't stand someone who doesn't have her daughter as her Number 1 priority, she most have me in 3er place. 1st her daughter, 2nd herself, and 3rd me. I would rather be in 4th if she had any pet. What if I was an abusive person? Would she put me over her daughter? I told her we can't be together if she can admit in front of her daughter that she is not her No1 priority, so I said I would find a new place to move out and break the relationship. Ashlee has said anything she can to fix it, but is so contradictory that I can't believe anything she says. Susan spoke to me, told me it's painful to loose me, she said I'm the only boyfriend of her mom who hasn't been a total jerk to her or her mom or an addict. I don't know what to do with Susan, do I leave a door open if she needs help? I'll be leaving in a few days to an airbnb while I find some place for myself, I can't live in my office forever. Thank you guys, tho, get your thoughts together, I still don't know if this is normal or I just found a particularly bad mother. Give me some hope please. Hi, that was my original update, **(edit- OOP tried to post the above to AITA but it was rejected)** but right now I moved out of Ashlee's apartment and I'm at an airbnb. Susan has been texting me, she is heartbroken and says she still wants me in her life, because doesn't trust her mother to find a better man that me. I'm not sure about still having a parental relationship with Susan, but I wish her the best and I'm willing to help if she needs it. I'm still very disappointed at Ashlee for how much she has wronged her daughter. **Edit: OOP commented on this post and his page!** Hi, this is a copypaste of a comment I left at the bestofredditorupdates post. I though it might be good to share it here on my profile too. I never expected to be on this account again, but today I discovered that Mark Narrations read my story on his channel, and then I found out someone posted it here. Thank you LucyAria for sharing it and Mark for reading it. Buenas! I'm OOP. First of all, I'm very touched by the comments both here and at Mark's video. Really appreciate it. I'm also very touched by all the people who said would marry me, even straight guys which is so funny. Sorry to break your hearts, but I'm not stable enough to start dating again. I found a place but still have to wait to sign contracts and move in. It might take a while still. Also I have to emotionally recover from this situation. Hopefully, in a few months if you live in a midwest state, you might find me on some dating app, but I wont reveal my identity here or give anyone my number over reddit. Oh and all the names I use are fake of course. I'm nowhere near being perfect, I just do what I think is right and things go so much better when you are nice to other, but these are the values I was raised on. My mom dated a man when I was a teenager, it started well but then he became controlling and demanding. Once he hit my younger brother for misbehaving while our mom was out. When we told her, she got mad, hizo un vergüero and kicked him out of the house yelling "Nadie toca a mis hijos" (none dare to touch my kids). It was such a scandal that some neighbors came outside to see what was going on. She also though us to never let other people treat us like trash or settle for less, I had to put it in practice a lot here in the US because so many people tried to take advantage of me for being an inmigrant. My sister became a very fearless woman just as my mom and my brothers are also good men. I'm crying a bit while thinking about her because I miss her, she is still in Venezuela and wanna hug her so much. ETA: never mess with Venezuelan women, they know their self worth will drop you the moment they get any disrespect. To address some common questions. Ashlee herself has a good job and didn't need money from Susan. When I moved in to their place, I asked Ashlee if I could pay half of the rent, but she refused, and instead, I paid utilities. Unfortunately, I have some bad news. I had to cut contact with Susan because of Ashlee. She sent me texts telling me to stop talking to Susan, or she would tell police that I molested her and would get me deported. I panicked, never replied, and took screenshots. I spoke to a lawyer, and told me to cut contact with Susan immediately, other than that, Susan has no case or evidence, and I can use the screenshots against her if she tries something. I'm walking on eggshells. However, a made a secret mail, and sent a mail to Susan, so she can use it in case of emergencies. She sent me a long mail that broke my heart, she apologized for a lot of things that wasn't her fault at all and told me how much she wants me as a dad, even begged me to adopt her after she becomes an adult. I didn't reply, my heart is with her, but I can't do anything for now. I never had any legal troubles in my life, and now Ashlee has a sword of Damocles hanging on me. I'm dealing with a lot of things on top of trying to finish a project. Susan is a young, smart, strong and beautiful girl, and I think Ashlee is holding her back on a lot of things, not letting her be herself or develop her potential. In the mail Susan said her mom is constantly jealous of her, but didn't elaborate on that. I think that's where a lot of resentment might come from, I'm not sure. Thanks for reading about my struggles, reading your comments has made my week. Have a good day everyone.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/138a10p/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_she_is_a_bad/

138a10p

New Update to the infamous: "OOP interviews a lady who claims to be more qualified than OOP for her job."

NEW UPDATE

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/sioigin55](https://www.reddit.com/user/sioigin55/). She posted in r/IDOWORKHERELADY. There were two previous BORU posts with the older updates: [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/i054fq/im_more_qualified_for_your_job_than_you_are/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vtjf60/oop_interviews_a_lady_who_claims_to_be_more/). **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDOWORKHERELADY/comments/hnk03r/im_more_qualified_for_tour_job_than_you_are/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**: July 8, 2020** Apologies as I’m on mobile. Not sure if this is the right sub for it but this is fresh off the press (happened about an hour ago). I’m a head of sales and marketing for a major property developer with 10 years of experience in the industry (several of those spent at a large competitors company - lets call them Money Homes - they are considered the epitome of luxury due to the huge price tag - this will be important later on). My team covers all of the capital and a very large portion of the country. Roll on today, since we have only recently opened up and are launching new developments for which we don’t yet have the staff, today was the interview day. Normally for those kind of positions, the person would be interviewed by the sales manager for that particular development, sales coordinator and sometimes one of the sales directors. Since it’s a bit of a track for the sales director to come in for the interview (2,5 hour train journey when we’re supposed to limit non essential travel), HR asked me to step in as new employees will be reporting to me anyway. Queue 8 applicants we have waiting. First few interviews go pleasantly well but nothing special, until we meet interviewee no. 4. Meet Annabelle. Before she comes into the room she’s sitting in the waiting area with other applicants and not only I can hear her go on about how she pretty much has the job in the bag as she’s overly qualified and the other guys are wasting their time (first mistake), then I can see her shuffling through papers at the admin desk which was left unattended (second mistake). She still doesn’t realise that our office is behind a Venetian mirror. I can see her, she cannot see me. She hears the admin come back in and scurries away back to the seat. It’s now her turn for the interview. She comes in, hands me a copy of her CV and sits down opposite myself and the other two members of my team. I look at her CV with a slight half-smile, which I think she took as a good sign so she goes off talking about her major accomplishments at different employers. She tell us that she’s actually more interested in being hired for another position at our company which she can assure me she’s more qualified for than our current employee. She then starts spewing out figures of our marketing campaigns (which have not yet been published) and advises me on the results we should expect and what our next move in terms of marketing should be. I advise her that the only positions currently open are for sales staff but asked her which one she’s specifically interested in. She mentions, wait for it - sales and marketing director. My job. My coworkers both look at me in waiting so I decide to play along. I’ve asked her what makes her more qualified than our current director. She comes back to the marketing figures point and asks me outright “how many applicants are able to predict to a certainty what results you’ll achieve” and then leads into a major point on her CV - Money Homes. So I started asking a little more about her position there, what was her area of responsibility, how long she has worked there etc. She starts off telling this long, rehearsed story of how she started there as a negotiator few years back and worked her way up to associate director (fancy name for managers responsible for more than one project) and how she eventually became sales and marketing director but is looking to leave so discretion is of utmost importance. At that point I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I really wanted to let her carry on but I just burst out laughing and asked her to leave. She just gets very confused and starts asking what she said that has offended me. With the biggest grin on my face I then said “it’s one thing hearing you talk down to other applicants when you’re supposedly looking for upper management position, watch you steal confidential information from my admins desk (while pulling the two pages out of her hand - our marketing reports) and telling me and my colleagues that you can do my job better than me by lying to me about your experience?!”, she gets offended and starts going off at me that I know nothing about her and she did not lie about her experience and how would I have known that anyway. “Annabelle, the reason I know you’re lying is because I was the sales and marketing director at Money Homes during the years you have described and not only do I know you were not in managerial position, I know that you were not even part of the department (even if you did work there) as the department was made of 42 employees all of which I knew by name. I recommend that if you do indeed work there, you contact your director as I will be filing a grievance against you for stealing confidential documents from their main competitor”. Her face went pale as a sheet of cheap toilet paper, she turns on her heel, rips her CV out of my colleagues hands and runs out the door (like does she really think we did not keep her details on email when she sent the doc through?!). Can’t wait to see if I’ll be hearing from her or Money Homes anytime soon Edit: had to take out couple of details in terms of my employment as one of colleagues has seen the post and asked me about it. Actual story not changed. Also, Annabelle isn’t her real name **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDOWORKHERELADY/comments/hzl3bo/update_im_more_qualified_for_your_job_than_you_are/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**: July 28, 2020 (20 days later)** It’s been a few weeks since my original post and some of you asked for an update so here we are. For those of you that have not read the original story, have a look on my profile first. So... Annabelle. As you can imagine, I was not best pleased with her and her interview. I didn’t do anything about it for about a week, and to be fair I wasn’t actually going to raise a grievance after all but so it happened that Money Homes and my company agave decided on a joint venture for a future regeneration project so I was going into a meeting with them a week ago on Wednesday. The area sales and marketing manager for MH arrived about 15 mins before the rest of our meeting and since we’ve known each other for a while, I retold him the story while catching up. He knew exactly who I was talking about even before I mentioned Annabelle’s name and lo and behold - she DOES NOT work for Money Homes, and was never even employed by them. Turns out she is a subcontractor who works for a small independent estate agency, to whom Money Homes have been paying a set fee for accompanying weekend viewings local to them. That would explain why she knew a fair bit about their processes (as she reports client information back to them) but wouldn’t have known that I was also employed there at some stage. This also means that the incident with the marketing reports doesn’t really mean shit as they’re not a competitor and it’s not the kind of info other companies would be willing to pay for (useful but not priceless) - so there’s no grievance to be raised. So even though I cannot be nearly as petty as I was hoping to be, considering how small our working world is - the story has spread. I can’t see her getting employed by any of the larger house builders in the nearest future. The funniest thing about this is, my colleagues have come across this story on Reddit (after I’ve removed certain personal details) and have been sending it to me with hopes of working out who Annabelle and Money Homes are (like I said, it’s a small world). I have been acting shocked and giggling under my breath every time I hear it xD **NEW UPDATE** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDOWORKHERELADY/comments/132p74z/update_im_more_qualified_for_your_job_than_you_are/)**: April 29, 2023 (Almost 3 years later)** I’m not sure if anybody will remember this saga but it’s been a couple of years. My original post is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDOWORKHERELADY/comments/hnk03r/im_more_qualified_for_tour_job_than_you_are/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) and [this is the update](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDOWORKHERELADY/comments/hzl3bo/update_im_more_qualified_for_your_job_than_you_are/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1). I’ve recently been having issues at my workplace and I’ve decided to move on. I’ve started at my new job just over 2 weeks ago. It’s the same position, just for a different company. Imagine my surprise when I realised that Annabelle is an existing employee at the new place and part of the team who will be reporting to me. In my first week on the job, Annabelle came into my office (having clearly remembered me and the embarrassing occurrence that was her interview few years ago) and we’ve had a very good chat. She apologised profusely and admitted that she thought everyone lies on their CV and she was so desperate to leave the job she was employed at at the time, she wanted to make herself stand out. She’s actually a very sweet girl and an integral cog in a very well oiled machine that is the new company I’ve started at. I’ve explained to her that while it is true, most people do lie or exaggerate on their CVs, they tend to lie about much smaller things (like GCSE results) and not about running a competitors sales and marketing department. I’ve told her there’s no bad blood between us and as long as she’s doing her job and doing it well, I will endeavour to support her as much as I possibly can. I’ve made her promise that if she ever considers leaving, to come to me first and we will work on her CV and covering letter together. I know it’s not the petty update anyone was expecting or hoping for but life has a funny way of teaching us a lesson when we need it most and I think both Annabelle and I have learned ours this time.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/139b5tf/new_update_to_the_infamous_oop_interviews_a_lady/

139b5tf

One of my favourite artists from a long time ago disappeared from the internet, with no explanation.

CONCLUDED

I am NOT OP. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/132k92u/one_of_my_favourite_artists_from_a_long_time_ago/) is from r/RBI by u/ireadmanga. Fun fact to hide trigger warnings: River otters are mainly carnivorous. Still, they won’t pass up a tasty aquatic plant when the opportunity presents itself. Otters will typically eat anything from fish to frogs to birds’ eggs. A high metabolism means they burn about 50 percent more calories in a day than a land animal of similar size. Trigger warnings: >!suicide mention in comic, mental illness!< Mood spoiler: >!short but wholesome!< &#x200B; Original post (4/29/23): **One of my favourite artists from a long time ago disappeared from the internet, with no explanation.** I've been trying to find clues or even a message or a note they have left behind. There was a user called senbo-sama on Deviant art, even now if you Google the name a bunch of reposts of their art will be found in different places. This artist had a huge influence on my art as a child so I've been trying to find a clue if anything. They had posted some comics with some questionable humor before (a comic called how to hang yourself) so I am just a bit worried something bad might have happened to them. If I remember correctly they did eventually change their username from senbo-sama to ABRZA or something along those lines. But after a while they deactivated and kinda disappeared from the internet, and was never seen again. If anyone has a clue, please let me know. &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/132k92u/comment/ji6a7zy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in comment by u/morticiahavisham, same day: >Wow holy shit \[awkward Zuko voice\] hey artist-formerly-known-as-senbo-sama/senbo-sencho/ABRZA here. lol This is wild to read. Complete mind trip to learn someone stills thinks of you all these years later. 💖 Thank you for being concerned enough about me to ask Reddit, wow. To try and keep this short and simple, I have major depression/anxiety which was completely undiagnosed until 2017. Looking back, it does explain some of my art (I still like that comic though yeah very questionable 😅) and why I deleted everything (unfounded feelings of worthlessness, which I do regret). I have very inconsistently posted on my tumblr since then as I do not draw much anymore, but I still do art for myself (doodle, resin, vinyl), I am safe/medicated, married 💕 and as happy as a Millennial™ can be. lol Feel free to DM me, and yeah wow. ☺️💕 &#x200B; [Reply](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/132k92u/comment/ji6i6ei/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) from OP, also on the same day: >I've been trying to look for you since 2012/2013 😭. I've told my friends over the years that I worry and wonder what happened. And I've been trying to find a clue or find you ever since. I wrote here after remembering you again to try my chances. I am so glad to hear you're doing well. Now I can go on with my life in peace. You were the most influential person in my love for art and I would not have become the person I am today without you! *Marked concluded as OP has found their artist.*

shehadthesea

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13abd4l/one_of_my_favourite_artists_from_a_long_time_ago/

13abd4l

I’m (31) leaving my husband (31M) and my church

NEW UPDATE

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/TiffTested **I’m (31) leaving my husband (31M) and my church** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Originally posted to** r/TwoXChromosomes **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional manipulation and emotional abuse!< [Original Post - Questioning everything, including my (31F) marriage with my husband (31M) rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wvoh3m/questioning_my_31f_relationship_with_my_husband/) **Aug 23, 2022** This will probably be long, sorry! I was raised and grew up in a very conservative very religious household and community. It was to the point where everything and everyone’s purpose was to serve our religion and our community. I was homeschooled all the way up until college, and then the college I attended was a small school run by members of the same group. To say I was sheltered is very much an understatement. I met my husband there (another devout believer like me), we “dated,” which mostly consisted of attending prayer services together, until we finished school, and then we immediately married. I became a schoolteacher, and his work required occasional travel, but we made a happy life together never really leaving the confines of our community. A little over a year ago that was all turned upside down. My husband was offered a very high-paying job in the suburbs of a fairly major city. It would require him to travel a bit more, but we’d be substantially better off. We talked about it and decided to do it, especially since there was also an opening at a school in the area where we were moving. So we set it all up. He took the job, we bought a new house, and I was hired to teach at this new school. Once I started working there, I was hit with quite a bit of culture shock. All sorts of new ideas, people, and beliefs were coming at me quicker than I really had time to process. It was very overwhelming at first, especially since I’d rarely ever had to deal with someone even outside of our religion. So to shorten this up a little and get to my point, eventually I started to come around to question some of the things I’d been taught and I’d believed all growing up. Specifically, I met a male colleague who was just very different. He was charming, confident, witty, intelligent, and (honestly) attractive, and he believed none of what I did. We had amazing discussions and debates during our shared lunch together. I realized eventually that I wasn’t really sure how much of what I believed. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever really thought hard about it, and now that I was, I was questioning. I found myself talking about subjects I’d never talked about, laughing at jokes that would have horrified previous me, but I also found myself happier than I was, even though I had thought I was happy. All of this was, of course, without my husband’s knowledge. He is, was, and always will be a true believer. Recently, it’s made me think less of him, both intellectually and physically. On top of that, I think I also have feelings for my coworker. To sum it all up, I’m not really sure if my husband and I have anything in common beyond our religion, and meeting someone new has opened my eyes to that and to perhaps my being a different person than I thought I was even, and I’m not sure what to do at all!all! [Update 1 - I’m (31) leaving my husband (31M) and my church](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/xf065w/im_31_leaving_my_husband_31m_and_my_church/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Sept 15, 2022** We haven’t been “fighting” about our differences, but I’ve been questioning my faith and unhappy with our marriage and my religious beliefs for some time. When I first went to him to try to work through these issues, he suggested I have a zoom meeting with our pastor. I felt shamed and coerced into abandoning all the questions, concerns, and doubts I was having. I went to talk to my husband one more time before I made my decision. I asked him what he would think if “hypothetically” I still was unsure about our religion and the dynamics of our marriage. His response was something I’d been fearing in the back of my mind. He said he had been worried ever since we moved that I might not be able to handle living away from our families and our community. He also said that he’d been missing his own family anyway, and that at the end of the semester (I’m a teacher), he wanted us to move back home. Once we were back home, he said we’d be better able to work through my problems. It was the absolutely last thing I wanted to hear. I love my job, I love my students, and I love all the non-religious aspects of my life. I decided to take some of the advice I received on here earlier. I pretended. I pretended that I was ok with that decision, and I pretended to pray with my husband about it. The next day I went to my coworker (who I have become close to and good friends with; some online commenters have suggested too close with) and told him what happened. He asked me what my thoughts were about all of it, and I kind of emotionally unloaded on him. I even cried a little, which was a bit embarrassing. He was perfect though. He and I came up with a plan. Knowing I get paid every two weeks, after my next paycheck came, he helped me set up a new bank account with direct deposit of my check. He talked to his sister, and her and her husband are going to let me stay at their house while I save up enough money on my own to afford a temporary place. He helped me talk to the administration at my work about what was going on, and to not let my husband or anyone they didn’t know to have access to the building or to my information. He also put me in contact with a divorce lawyer, and I have just begun that process. I’ve also spent the last few days sneaking out some of my clothes into my classroom, so that when I do finally leave next week, I won’t have to have left everything behind. My husband leaves for a work trip on Monday for a day and a half. I’ll be leaving him a note and moving out then. I’m nervous. I’m scared. I know I’ll have to have absolutely no contact with my family and my friends from back home. I know my husband will be upset and probably even blindsided. I know some people will see this as a cowardly way to go about leaving my husband, and some of you will be disappointed that I’m not making more of an effort to work it out with him. But I really think this is the best for both of us. I’ll be working to save up enough money to get a new place to live and to begin therapy as soon as I can. tl;dr Talked to my husband again. He wanted to move us back home to our families and communities, so I decided it was time to leave him. [Update 2 - I (31F) left my husband (31M) today](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/xj3j9r/i_31f_left_my_husband_31m_today/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Sept 20, 2022** Well, yesterday technically, but it took me the whole day to finish writing this post. I did it. I packed up as much of my stuff as I needed and wanted, wrote him a very long note that really detailed all my thoughts and feelings and explained why I was leaving like I was. And I left. I’ve been in contact with and consulting a divorce lawyer. I really don’t want anything from him other than a divorce and to be left alone. And I made my first appointment for therapy which will start in a couple weeks. I went and bought a new phone and brought my life to my coworker’s sister’s house. Her and her husband are lovely and incredibly fun and nice people. They have a really big house and set me up with my own bedroom that has a little living room and bathroom attached. It’s cozy. We all had dinner together, and I really felt like I could be myself, whoever I wanted to be around them. I don’t know how to describe what I feel. I’m really nervous most of all. A lot could happen when my soon-to-be-ex-husband comes home tomorrow. I’m nervous that I’ll quickly become a burden on my new…roommates, I guess I’ll call them. I’m also excited that for once, I feel free. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. As soon as I stepped out the front door, I felt relief. But I also felt sadness for leaving behind a chapter of my life like this. I haven’t been able to sleep much tonight in this new place with new noises and a new bed (and maybe some shreds of guilt), but I think once I do finally fall asleep, I might sleep for two days lol. I don’t know what will happen next. I know I want to save my money and buy my own car and find my own place to live. But I mostly just want to be free from my old life. Other than that, I just don’t know yet, but I genuinely want to thank everyone on here for listening to me, giving me advice and tips, and even being critical of my choices. I never thought my post would get even a fraction of the attention it did, but I’m so glad I made that first one. I don’t really know where I’d be right now if I hadn’t. [Update 3 - Left my (31F) husband (31M) on Monday and got a letter from him yesterday](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/xn4a4m/left_my_31f_husband_31m_on_monday_and_got_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Sept 24, 2022** Just checking in with a quick update since a few people have asked for one. If you need the backstory, I’ve posted a couple other times before today. My husband has not been able to contact me because of my new phone number. My work was able to give me a new email address as well, which he doesn’t have. Things were mostly quiet until Friday, when an envelope showed up in my school mailbox with my name on it and no return address. Inside was the letter I had left for him detailing why I was leaving him and why I was going about it the way I was. He had handwritten some things to me at the end. Basically, he said he would respect my wishes not to contact me. He was going to tell everyone back home that I had been tempted by the devil and was abandoning him. It said that he was only ever trying to save his soul and my soul from hell. He wrote that he was sad a little, but that he was mostly disappointed I was walking away from our most sacred bond and from my even more sacred bond with God. He wrote that in God’s eyes, we would always be married, and that no legal court or lawyers could put an end to that. He finished that thought by telling me I had better not date, kiss, sleep with, or marry someone else, because then I’d be irredeemably sinning. It closed with “God still loves you, I hope you see the error of your ways.” I have to be honest, it made me a little bit sad in the moment. I’m trying to be strong and do what I know is best and right for me, but that brought up a lot of feelings of guilt and shame. I was able to talk through some of that with my co-worker as he drove me to his sister’s house after work. I start therapy in about a week, so I hope to also work out those feelings then, too. As for how the living arrangements have been. They have been kind of awesome so far. We have dinner together every night and chat and enjoy one another’s company. They have a lovely little girl who has taken a liking to me. I offered to pay them rent money and help out around the house when I can. They absolutely refuse to take any money from me, but said that I could help out wherever or whenever I thought I needed to. I’m still getting used to trying to be independent and thinking for and of myself first. I have to say, I kind of like it!! Lol. Even though it’s not always the easiest, and I have many moments of doubts, sadness, and loneliness, I really am doing ok. [Update 4 - Finalized the divorce with my (31F) husband (31M) on Friday](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/106uywq/finalized_the_divorce_with_my_31f_husband_31m_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Jan 8, 2023** I don’t know if this is the conclusion to everything. I suppose that all depends on how my ex and my family decide to behave moving forward. If you don’t know or remember my story, it’s in my profile. It’s long and tedious lol. Just know that I left my husband, my family, and my religion. I do have an update to where I’m at right now though. I moved out of my co-worker’s sister’s house. I got my own car, my own things, my own apartment. I also started and am still going to therapy. I’m so grateful and thankful it to him and his sister. They are truly amazing people. I spent the holidays with all of them, and it was honestly the best holidays I’ve ever had. Even though I know I’m in a better place physically, mentally, and emotionally, it hasn’t all been great and amazing. I’ve felt tremendously lonely many days and nights. It doesn’t make me want to go back to any of it, but it isn’t always easy. I tried making some online friends, and it has been hit or miss overall. I think I might be ready to start dating, but I’m not sure if I am or how I’d even go about doing it yet. In the meantime, on Friday, to kickoff my new life in the New Year, I as given my finalized divorce papers! My husband hasn’t tried to contact me since the first week when I left him. I haven’t heard anything from or about him. So, in the long run, I know I’m doing and did the right thing and the best thing for me, even though it’s been hard and confusing at times. Thanks to everyone on here who gave me support and advice. Many of you are wonderful people. 🥰 [Update 5 - Left my (32F) husband and my church 6 months ago, and I’m finally feeling happy](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/133k2mf/left_my_32f_husband_and_my_church_6_months_ago/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Apr 30, 2023** I’m not sure if anyone even remembers my posts. They seem like an eternity ago lol. To summarize, I was considering leaving my husband and my church for what I now recognize as being controlling at best and abusive at worst. This community helped me gather and maintain the strength to go through with it. I left him and my family and friends behind. I went no contact with everyone. I filed for divorce, moved, and started my life over. It was so hard. I knew it would be intellectually. I suppose I wasn’t really ready for HOW hard it was going to be. I had help for big things like buying a car, finding an apartment, and moving all my stuff. But the crushing loneliness and temptation to give up and go back was especially trying. I was going to therapy, but I still felt alone and deeply depressed. I’m happy to say that I’ve worked really hard since I first left. I’ve gotten my life together in so many ways since, financially and emotionally. I feel so good about myself and my life right now. I’m seeing someone seriously for the first time (he’s wonderful—no red flags, lol), my job is fulfilling and amazing, and I’ve expanded my friend group. So thank you to everyone! I’m not sure I could have done it without you all. And anyone looking for help, advice, or just needing a friendly online stranger, I’m here to pay it forward 🥰 **COMMENT FROM OOP IN THE THREAD** [Comment from OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13acvg5/im_31_leaving_my_husband_31m_and_my_church/jjbbyo2?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) Hey, this is me! I can’t believe I’m on this sub; I read it all the time lol! So there’s actually an update before the first one:here Not that it matters but it does add a little to what happened, and it makes my decisions seem a little less hasty and irrational lol. I seriously read through almost every comment on here. Thanks everyone for your support and kind and encouraging words. I really don’t think I could have gone through with everything without it. ##**NEW UPDATE** * [Reporting back after leaving my church and my husband a year ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/165g36m/reporting_back_after_leaving_my_church_and_my/?share_id=NCH9H6n24FYxrNF4dAbF0&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **Aug 29, 2023** I’ve posted several times in here regarding my now ex-husband and my ties to a very conservative, very strict religious upbringing. I’m happy to report that it’s been basically one year since I started the process of getting away from both, and oh my goodness I could not be happier now. I have been happily living in my own (which, admittedly, was not so happy at first), I have a fully furnished apartment, my own car, my own friends, and essentially my own life. I’m even dating someone (casually for now, taking things slowly). And my job is paying for me to start grad school and take classes towards my Master’s! That’s not to say my life is perfect. I do still sometimes miss my family, but I’ve surrounded myself with so many amazing and supportive people that those moments are short-lived. Thank you everyone who was so supportive and gave me such amazing advice! My thanks in this post can’t possible express my gratitude! So I just wanted to give everyone who read, reached out, commented, and otherwise supported me a little thanks and update. I’d also like to pay it forward. If anyone ever needs support or someone to listen to them, please know I’m always here 🥰 **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13acvg5/im_31_leaving_my_husband_31m_and_my_church/

13acvg5

My 19 yo sister is getting married to her high-school teacher

NEW UPDATE

**I am not the OP. That is u/Throw-Away-Acnt_melt. Originally posted on r/TrueOffMyChest. This is the new update to a previous BORU post, which can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/v5hetc/my_19_yo_sister_is_getting_married_to_her_36_yo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)** &nbsp; Trigger warning: >!grooming, abuse, violence!< Mood spoiler: >!distressing at first, but hopeful in the end!< &nbsp; [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/v14937/my_19_yo_sister_is_getting_married_to_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) *posted on May 30, 2022* **My 19 yo sister is getting married to her high-school teacher.** My younger sister is getting married to her 36 year old high-school teacher in a few days and everyone seems okay with it. She graduated a year ago and they told us they were dating, almost immediately after the graduation. I was shocked and angry but everyone around me was happy and supportive of them. The teacher divorced his wife two years ago and started paying attention to my sister. He spoke to her after class regularly and paid "special attention" to her studies. I thought this was weird and talked to my sister about this, but she told me he was helping her because she was the best student of her class, which she was. A few months ago, only a few months into "dating", they announced that they were engaged. I tried talking to my parents about their age difference and stuff, but they didn't want to hear it. I talked to my sister and she told me she is happy and that she loves him. We live in a small town with a tight-knit community and everyone else is supporting their marriage. I'm feeling useless right now and I am angry at myself. I was unable to protect my sister. I feel like I failed my duties as an older sibling. I hate everyone around me. How do they not see what's going on here... &nbsp; [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/v5gy8f/my_19_yo_sister_is_getting_married_to_her_36_yo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) *posted on June 5, 2022* **My 19 yo sister is getting married to her 36 yo high-school teacher. (Update)** The marriage happened. I contemplated not going to the ceremony, but I didn't want to hurt my little sister, so I went reluctantly. My blood was boiling though out the whole thing. Everyone who came to the ceremony congratulated them. I couldn't even look the teacher in the face because I was so angry at him. I hated the whole thing. I'm leaving this town tomorrow. I had some interviews lined up and got selected in one. It's in a city and I'm moving tomorrow. I can't stand these people. My parents think that getting married to a "good guy" with a stable job is the best thing that could've happened to my sister and my relatives agreed. He groomed her. Why doesn't anyone else see that. I wanted to scream at everyone. When I told my sis I was leaving, she cried. I reassured her and told her that I wasn't angry at her. I made it clear to her that she could contact me any time under any circumstances and that I'd be there for her. I bought her a phone and told her that I'd talk to her regularly. I tried to not antagonise anyone because I want them to reach out to me if anything happens. It was very hard to do. I came very close to fighting several people. My sister was a star student. I always thought the she would go to a big college and become someone significant. But now, she's going to be a housewife. That thought is destroying me. I wasn't harsh on her because I'm hoping that she wakes up soon and I want to be there for her when that happens. I want to support her and see her full potential and I'm wishing it happens soon. Edit: I've told her not to have children until she's sure. She has a contraceptive implant and I told her not to get it removed for atleast a couple of years. I told her to tell me if anyone ever pressured her to have it removed. I really hope she follows my advice. Edit 2: I'm just checking the comments and the amount of people defending the teacher is insane. People like you are the problem. She was groomed since she was 16. Why can't you people see that? I wouldn't have any problem with her choices if she wasn't coerced into them. Him being an older man isn't my issue here, him being her teacher is. Also, I don't think that being a housewife is bad. What I don't like is that the choice of something more is being taken away from my sister. As for the phone thing, my parents did not allow my sister to own a phone. She had to use the landline if she wanted to talk to people. That's why I bought her a phone. &nbsp; [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/133rln9/my_19_yo_sister_is_getting_married_to_her_36_yo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) *posted on April 30, 2023* **My 19 yo sister is getting married to her 36 yo high-school teacher. (Update a year later)** I wanted to share an update on my sister's situation since its been a year and the situation has changed significantly in a positive way. Since the marriage a year ago, I've made it a point to talk to my sister regularly on the phone that I gave her. A few weeks in, her husband started pushing her to be in a "traditional wife" role, which created a wedge between her and her friends. But I made sure to keep in touch and to visit her once every month. Her husband did not like that, but he tolerated it to keep up appearances. To deal with my frustrations, I joined a gym and started working out. Luckily, my boss at my job turned out to be a great lady who listened to me and gave me a lot of support and advice. She told me I could call her when I needed help, and became my mentor and an older sister I could lean on, while also paying me well. Some months into the marriage, her husband managed to domesticate her completely - she stopped going out almost entirely and had very little independence, and he tried to start separating my sister from me. However, because I kept a good and consistent relationship with her, he wasn't able to do it. A couple of months ago, he started hinting to my sister about wanting kids, but I kept repeating to my sister that she should not have children until a few years into marriage. Last month, he told her directly that he wanted children and my sister told him that she wanted to wait. He started pressuring her to get her contraceptive implant removed, so last week, I went back home to talk to him. I always try to be polite to him whenever I visit their home so that he doesn't have any ammo to try to separate us. During conversation, I brought up that he was pressuring my sister to get her contraceptive implant removed. It escalated into an argument with him saying that he had a right to have children with his wife. When I didn't back down, he got frustrated and took a swing at me, which didn't connect properly. I didn't hesitate in punching him back in his face. He fell backwards and started howling in pain. I wanted to do that since this whole ordeal started and it was satisfying. I think him hitting me was my sister's wake-up call. He called the cops and told them that I assaulted him. Fortunately, I make sure to record everything whenever I visit their home (I use my apple watch for this & it's a great tool for stealthy audio recording). I called my boss and told her about what happened, and she promised to send a lawyer just in case. When the cops arrived, my sister took my side, which surprised her husband. With me being a woman, and with the recording, the cops also took my side. The lawyer arrived after that, and I told her husband that I was taking my sister with me. He tried to protest, but the lawyer warned him that I would press charges if he stopped my sister from leaving. He reluctantly let her go, and she has been staying with me for the last week. My parents were furious when they found out that my sister left her husband. They did not seem to care that he hit me, probably because I stopped talking to them. I am still talking to my sister about what she wants to do, and we'll probably start divorce proceedings in a few days. Her husband and my parents have been trying to call and get her to come back, but I've made sure that she doesn't talk to them without me present. Throughout the whole thing, my boss has been super helpful and has been giving my sister advice about what she could do next. I know that I'm super lucky that my sister managed to wake up so soon and that I've had support from people like my boss. Throughout the whole of last year, I was worried about how my sister was going to end up, but I am elated now. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the OP. Please don't comment on the original post.**

Shelly_895

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13ajbu3/my_19_yo_sister_is_getting_married_to_her/

13ajbu3

I (32F) cheated on my wife (32F) and I feel terrible. How should I proceed?

REPOST

\*\*I am not OP. Original posts by u/ThrowRA_rio on r/relationship_advice.\*\* [**I (32F) cheated on my wife (32F) and I feel terrible. How should I proceed?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u0l6sp/i_32f_cheated_on_my_wife_32f_and_i_feel_terrible/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- Apr 10, 2022** My wife Rita and I have been married for 4 years and we dated for 2 years before that. I mostly do freelance stuff from home and she owns a business with her best friend. Their business has always meant a lot to Rita - to the point where I sometimes think she has tied her self-worth to its success. When covid hit and all the lockdown stuff happened, it hit the business hard. It took over Rita's life. She would spend a lot of her days there without coming home. Even when she came home, she was very tired and didn't have any time for us. This went on for months until things started looking up. But the next waves hit and the whole thing started again. Before this whole thing, we had a good marriage. We were open and spent a lot of time with each other. So when stopped spending time with me, it hit me hard. I was understanding and didn't bother her. I took care of things at home and looked after her. But even after her business started doing better, she still spent most of her time there. I tried talking to her about it, but she would spend a few days at home and go back there. I even tried taking her on vacation but she was distracted and worried about her work. All of this left me feeling isolated. I felt like I was the only one putting effort into our marriage. Almost two months ago, I met an especially beautiful and charming woman at the gym. I don't know why but I told her I was single. She asked me out for a coffee and I was swept up in the whole thing. Two weeks after meeting each other regularly, she invited me back to her home and we had sex. The magnitude of the thing I did hit me the next day. I felt guilty and terrible. I decided that I needed to get a divorce. I stopped going to the gym and broke up with her. When I started getting things in order to file for divorce, Rita came home and told me that she hired someone to take over for her. She even booked a surprise vacation for us. She started spending a lot more time at home. I kept postponing my divorce after this sudden change even though I still felt guilty. She started taking an active role in our life after almost two years and our marriage has healed significantly. I know what I did was terrible. I'm not defending myself. I don't know how to proceed now. The guilt is eating me everyday. I'm so afraid of losing her when I just got her back. How do I tell her? [**\[UPDATE\] I (32F) cheated on my wife (32F) and I feel terrible. How should I proceed?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u8s1jf/update_i_32f_cheated_on_my_wife_32f_and_i_feel/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- Apr 21, 2022** I confessed to my wife after my previous post. It was a verry nerve wracking process. I couldn’t live with the guilt. She told me she knew about it already. The café I went to with the other woman was owned by a friend my Rita’s, she recognized me and told Rita about it when we kissed. Rita told me that it was her wake up call. She was worried about losing me and wanted to make an effort before she lost me completely. That was why she hired someone to replace her in a hurry and suddenly started spending more time with me. Rita was angry when I told her I slept with the other woman. I told her how guilty I felt about the whole thing. We both cried when I told her I was about to file for a divorce. I told her the whole story and how I felt. We cried a lot that evening. We started seeing a marriage counsellor after that. The sessions and the healing process have been difficult, but the whole thing has made our bond stronger and reinvigorated our love for each other. We’ve spending so much quality time together and our marriage is in a way better place. Both of us are women btw. My original post wasn’t very popular and didn’t get much traction but I wanted to make this post because cheating doesn’t have to the end of a relationship. I know I was the cheating partner and I have no right to say this. I wouldn’t have blamed Rita if she had decided to leave me but I’m happy that she didn’t. Edit: Yes - I told the other woman I was married and apologised to her. **OOP's** [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/u8shue/comment/i5pjck6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **in the original BORU post:** I'm the OOP. I just found this thread and read through all the comments. Just wanna clarify somethings: I knew many redditors don't read before passing judgement, and that's why I specifically mentioned that we were women in the second post, but seeing so many people still think I'm a man made me realise asking reddit for advise was a stupid idea. I did tell the other woman that I was married and I apologized. It was a tense interaction and we didn't see eachother again. Some people were asking about our financial situation - I said I was freelance because I don't have an employer. But I work as a cybersecurity consultant and I make a lot of money, sometimes more than Rita does. I was the one who supported us through the pandemic when her business was in the negative. \*\*I am not the original poster. This is a repost sub.\*\*

Vctoria_R

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13atpag/i_32f_cheated_on_my_wife_32f_and_i_feel_terrible/

13atpag

OOP Gets Kidnapped For A Proposal

ONGOING

Fact To Cover Up Spoilers On Mobile: The opposite sides of a dice always add up to seven. (1+6, 3+4, 2+5). This is, of course, assuming that it is a 6 sided die. The largest number of sides on a "fair" die that has been created is 120. CW: >!Kidnapping, Sexual Assault,!< Let me know if I need to add any Mood Spoiler: >!Infuriating but hopeful there could maybe be justice !< I am not the OOP, that would be u/Cautious-Rabbit- who posted on r/TrueOffMyChest \- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12u9in2/my_23f_bfs_26m_friends_pretending_to_kidnap_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (Posted April 21st, 2023) I am trembling and just created this alt account because my main has a lot of details about me that would make it easy to trace back. A week ago my bf told me he had a camping trip planned with his friends on Friday(today). He said he would have no service and he’ll see me on Sunday. He messaged me at 5am this morning and told me they are hitting the road. Around 8 I went for a run like I usually do on Fridays. I have one headphone in while I do because I was on a work call. While I was running, I noticed a SUV that kept popping up. In hindsight, it looked just my like bf’s childhood friend’s car. I sent a message to my sister saying to standby & shared my location. Right after sending the message I looked up and the SUV was right beside me and someone jumped out and grabbed me. It happened so fast I even dropped my phone on the pavement. I was pulled into this car and I could tell there was at least 2 masked guys in the back before they covered my eyes. In hindsight they had cartoonish ski masks and black gloves on. I freaked out and resisted like crazy, screaming and kicking. All I could hear was these guys laughing and I could feel one of them holding me down by my arms behind me and the other was holding my legs down at the knees. I don’t know how long I was in there but I keep begging them to let me go and crying. I even admit I peed on myself, but I don’t think they noticed until we arrived at the house. They pulled me out of the car and I was screaming for help until I was pulled into a house. When the mask on my head was removed, I was on my knees in front of my bf of 2 years. He was staring at me with a confused look before he started to angrily ask his friends what was going on. As I started to adjust to what was going on I realized he was dressed nice and there was romantic decorations around the entry way to his house. I realized who he was and what was going on and collapsed into sobs. I probably had a 5 minute panic attack in that car on my way there and another one sitting in the entryway to his house. I was sweaty, wearing soiled yoga pants, flushed with fear, scared for my life. That was all about an hour or 2 ago. My bf took me upstairs and was going to help me get showered and changed but I wanted to do that alone. I heard yelling and commotion downstairs while I showered, but I don’t know what is going on. I’m sitting in his room now holding my shattered phone after crying to my sister about what happened. She lives 1.5 hours away but is speeding over to get me now. I can’t stop thinking about what happened and even though I know now I was never in any danger, I don’t think my brain can comprehend it. They were snickering and teasing me in deepened voices about what they were going to do to me. The one that was holding my legs down kept caressing my thighs up and down into the inner area. When the car would brake his face kept falling into my chest. I don’t even know who that was. I just know one of them sounded unsure and kept trying to diffuse the situation, but I think it was the driver. \- (Relevant Comments) *On People Discussing Whether The BF Was Involved* [OP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12u9in2/comment/jh5w0u5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I agree with both of you. Sorry I’m in and out right now. My sister is almost here and my bf wants to talk, but I asked for space so he’s making tea and waiting for me to open the door or come downstairs. I don’t think he knew how they were going to do it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he used the words kidnap and they took it too far. He’s never given a red flag before, but if his friends are crazy like this I need to reevaluate him too. I’m not sure and I don’t want to immediately talk to him. I think I’m feeling traumatized or something because I just can’t physically talk to anyone except my sister *On If OP's BF Is From A Culture Where Something Like This Is More Common:* [OP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12u9in2/comment/jh6cib6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) No he’s ethnically from the Middle East and I am from Eastern Europe (very similar backgrounds actually). We both were born and raised in America. We are both culturally and socially very western/American *A Commenter Asks If OOP Could Possibly Stay With Her Sister And Get Some Space from BF* [OP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12u9in2/comment/jh6dlmu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I don’t live with my boyfriend so either I will stay with my sister a city away or she will stay with me tonight *A lot of comments are people showing support to OOP and validating that this is trauma. A few a questioning how involved the BF is in all of this.* \- Update One (All Updates Have Been Posted As Edits On The OG Post) My sister arrived. She wants to take me to the police station, now. I haven’t spoken to my bf yet, but I think there’s more to this story than he knew about. I’ll have to log off for a while. Thank you for the support in the comments. \- Update Two (Posted 5 Hours Later) I’m working with police now. This is going to be investigated as a false imprisonment if I press charges. My sense of time was so warped. From where I was picked up to his house was about 7 or 10 minutes in the car. It felt like way longer than that. As for the friends, the driver was his childhood best friend who I actually get along with well. He was in tears when he voluntarily arrived at the police station for a statement. The other two were friends from his athletics class that he started attending a few months ago. It seems like the two guys I didn’t know wanted in on what otherwise was supposed to be something more innocent. The original plan was for them to pop out of this car in their funny kidnapping attire and hand me a letter that explained I was being summoned by bf and resistance is futile. Seems like the plan changed as the 2 new friends wanted to shake me up a bit more and make it feel more real. \- Update Three I’ve had time to calm down and long talks with my sister. We are going to meet up with my (ex?) bf for dinner tonight. He has been respectful of my requests for space but has been emotional whenever he thinks about what I went through this morning. His best friend contacted me repeatedly apologizing for allowing it to get that far, but I asked for him to stop and he did. The best friend’s fiancé reached out and has been supportive and apologetic, too. I’m astounded at the support I’ve received here and wish I could thank each of you individually. I’ve never had anyone other than my sister and bf care for my mental well-being like this. Reddit is a very kind place sometimes :) *~~OOP has posted no further updates or comments. I hope this is due to a legal case against the kidnappers so I am flaring this ongoing as OOP may update this further. Reminder that brigading is banned on this sub. I wish OOP all the best with healing after facing this trauma.~~* \- [NEW UPDATE- I'm alive](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cautious-Rabbit-/comments/13bwrhm/im_alive/) Hello! I apologize for going MIA. I saw my story posted on [r/bestofredditorupdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestofredditorupdates/) so I finally logged back in! I have a lot I wish I could tell you all, but unfortunately due to legal consultation, it’s best I keep a lot of it private. In short, I’m healing. My now fiancé had a private proposal with me last week. We had many tough conversations and his responses to everything reminded me how safe and loved I am by him. He didn’t ask for or endorse that type of plan. I’ve learned that the 2 friends whom I didn’t know were highly influenced by YouTube pranksters and social experiment channels. Also, one of them let us know he is on the spectrum and apologized for his part. I think that’s all I can share for now. I am only consulting right now and may not press charges. Thank you so much for all the kindness and support. Opening my inbox today warmed my heart incredibly! Edit: There are a lot of people who disagree with me staying with my fiancé. I’m sorry I couldn’t explain in detail how confident I am in him throughout this. Please read carefully before passing judgements and I’m sorry I couldn’t please everyone with my decisions. But after further response I think pressing charges is the best course of action. Maybe I’m a bit too tender hearted but I didn’t want the former best friend to get some flack too. But it seems he has to. \- *This seems to be it from OOP for now. Reminder that brigading is not allowed on this sub. I wish her all the best in her recovery!* &#x200B;

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13bfdnf/oop_gets_kidnapped_for_a_proposal/

13bfdnf

AITA for letting my son help me in the kitchen?

CONCLUDED

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Flashy_Fly6519 **AITA for letting my son help me in the kitchen?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional and verbal abuse,bullying, toxic masculinity, misogyny, homophobia!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12wkwe3/aita_for_letting_my_son_help_me_in_the_kitchen/) **Apr 23, 2023** In general sense, I know I am not the TA but I want an unbiased opinion from people in here. I (42F) have 3 sons Jamie (16M), Matt (12M) and Paul (10M) with my husband Charlie (45M). My middle son Matt is a little different from his brothers. His brothers like things that are typically meant for men like sports, gadgets, video games and so on. But Matt is different, he is not a big sports fan. He likes reading and painting. He doesn't mind doing things that are typically not for boys. Another thing about him is that he is passionate about food. He has been like this since he was 6. He would often come to the kitchen and see me cook and often times offer to help. Well I don't let him do heavy things like cutting or standing too close to the fire but he would be a helping hand. I call him Ramsey Jr (After Gordon Ramsey). Honestly, I like this arrangement because while I am doing all of the cooking my other boys are in their room. My husband on the other hand is not impressed by Matt. He is a proud father of three sons and often like to do stuffs with them like- teaching them how to play baseball, playing video games, wrestling, watching sports. But Matt is not interested in any of those things. He has said over and over again that those typical things they do doesn't interest him. My husband would still force him to do it because he thinks it is more important for him to do things that are more masculine with his brother because it creates a bond. I have tried several times to convince my husband that he lot let Matt go and let him do his thing. We eventually reached to a compromise that Matt will do sports and other stuff with them once a week so that he is in touch with his brothers and rest of the time he would do his own activities that he likes. My husband also doesn't like that Matt would rather stay in the kitchen with me being my helping hand rather than with him and my other boys. He sometimes tries to criticize him by saying, he shouldn't be doing girly things or he will not get any girls in the future or he will be made fun off. The incident happened yesterday. I was in the kitchen preparing for lunch. My husband and sons were outside playing football. Paul and Jamie called Matt to come play with them but Matt was not interested. I told him he should go play with his brothers now while I do the meal prep and he can come back during the cooking process. Matt agreed. But he came to the kitchen after 10 minutes and started helping me. My husband was with the boys too. He called Matt several time but Matt didn't budge. I can see it irritated him. After the lunch, my husband was pissed and told me what I am doing to Matt is going to harm him in the future. I told him how is forcing him to do things he doesn't like would help him? He wasn't listening and kept saying things like he needs to be a man and stop doing girly things. And the way I am encouraging him cook and bake things like grandma he would get bullied in school and he doesn't want a son who is a sissy. I was shocked. I told him he needs to get his head out of his a$$ because cooking is gender neutral. There is nothing wrong with Matt wanting to cook. My husband got mad and told me I am ruining my son's future. He doesn't want him to grow up weak and fragile and making him do "girly things" will make it worse. He needs to learn how to be a man like his dad and learn how to provide rather than take on feminine roles. And just because I couldn't get a daughter I should stop turning my son into a girl. This turned into a huge fight between him and me and now he is not talking to me. Matt is sad because he things he is the reason why his dad and I fought. I had to assure him that it was not his fault at all. So reddit, aita? Or should I just have told Matt to play with his brother and not come into the kitchen until the lunch is served? Edit: I have read the comments. I just want to clear out any confusion. My other boys Jamie and Paul do have a good relationship with Matt. Yes they are different and would rather stay in their rooms and do their own thing but none of them have ever bullied Matt or made fun of him for liking things differently. Also, I am a homemaker for now but my husband does help me with some chores like- getting kids ready for school, driving them to school and other extra curriculum, folding the laundry, taking are of the lawn. So, it's not that I am totally helpless. The kitchen duty is 100% mine because my husband doesn't know or like to cook. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Spekuloos_Lover >NTA. Every person should know how to cook and it's far more useful than the ability to kick a ball for the average person. There's nothing feminine about cooking. You're just teaching your kid basic skills. PhDOH >>All 3 are old enough to learn how to use knives & cook over heat. I feel OP is over cautious if anything. Also there's no way the kid will bond with his father & brothers doing something he hates. Their father should spend his once a week bonding time teaching them useful skills like DIY, fixing easy problems around the house, checking the oil & tyres on a car, etc. OP's the only one that's helping this kid out with his future. >>What are the other 2 going to do as adults? The older 2 should be able to cook a meal for the family by now, & the youngest doing it with help. A friend of mine's kid was doing cooking competitions at that age, and not simple stuff. Had his own set of knives. They need to know how to wash & iron their own clothes, how to clean a house. I'm guessing their father doesn't do any of this. How would he cope if OP got hit by a bus? editedtoadd >>>I am assuming/hoping OP meant that Matt had those restrictions when he first started at 6, rather than having them currently at 12. OOP replied >>>>You are right. When Matt was little I didn't let him get near the fire or hold the knife. He now knows how to chop and dice without my help. He also knows how to make some basic meals too but want to expand into more creative side of cooking. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/134l174/aita_for_letting_my_son_help_me_in_the_kitchen/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 1, 2023** Hello everyone. I just wanted to say thank you for the comments. I know some of you called me a troll. I don't know why you think that. I just wanted some unbiased opinion. So anyways, I am here to update on the situation. My husband, Charlie was not letting it go. He insists Matt is wrong for wanting to cook with me. The argument between me and him never truly settled. So, few days ago, he decided to call his dad. He thought since his dad was in the military he would teach Matt some lesson. So, my FIL came to our house. We chatted and talked. Charlie brought up the "issue" with Matt. He just talked about everything starting from his passion for cooking and not being interested in other masculine stuff. FIL was quiet and thought about it. Matt looked scared because FIL looks like a scary guy. FIL told the kids to go to their room because he wants to have a chat with hubby and I. After we were alone, I was expecting FIL blame me but instead he blamed my husband. He said he is really embarrassed of my husband for having such backward thinking. He knows that when FIL was in the military he had to do all his chores and sometimes have to cook. He just loaded on my husband that he is teaching the wrong lesson to Matt. That cooking is a good skill and it will help in real life. Watching sports and video games will not teach him anything valuable. There is more. I cannot write all of it but my husband looked really defeated. He tried to argue that Matt needs to do tough things but FIL shut that down by saying he has the nerve to say cooking is easy when he probably can't boil water. Honestly, it was funny to watch my husband being berated by his dad like a kid. FIL then called the boys to the room and told us to give them privacy. We were outside, I was looking at my boys through the slit of the door. Matt looks relaxed but the heads of Jamie and Paul was down. Long story short, FIL told my boy to not bother Matt anymore. He also instructed that my boys help me in the kitchen once a week to learn how to manage home. He also told Matt to not be scared and do whatever he likes. I am glad Charlie brought him to our house even if his plans backfired. I thought after FIL left there will be peace. My husband would be normal and understand but he was sulking and moping around. I asked him continuously what happened, he didn't answer at first. But then after a lot of pushing and pestering he did. He said that the reason why he didn't want Matt to do "feminine" things is because he (my husband) was bullied for that when he was in school. I knew he had to deal with bullies but he never told me why he bullied them. This is my first time hearing this story. He said when he was about Matt's age he would also be in the kitchen with his mom because he liked watching her cook. And they lived in a joint family so his uncles and aunts would also live in the house (like encanto). He would often get bullied by his cousins because he spent more time in the kitchen. He also admitted that he had an interest in knitting but had to stop because he once heard his then crush say that it makes him gay. So he also got bullied for knitting. I was angry at him but now I just pity him. I had to explain the situation to him that we do not live in the past and a lot of things have changed. And that he shouldn't have to give up what he likes because people are stupid around him. There was a lot of conversation about past and present and also about him being comfortable with this situation as a whole. He told me that he will not pressure Matt anymore. He realized that in order for his kid not to get bullied, he became his own kid's bully. Things are fine now. Today all of the boys (including my husband) helped me in the kitchen. For the first time I felt a little relieved by it. Also to those people who told me to leave my husband, why? He is a good guy. I know he holds some backward views but he is nice and caring. I understand he has insecurities but they are not worth having a divorce. Things are fine now and if it goes bad I know what to do. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Electronic-Way2199 >I am so happy it turned out well. Your husband calling his father was the best thing to happen. Matt gets to do what he likes, your husband opened up about his feelings and realised his mistake. Maybe your other kids also liked cooking and were scared to express that. >Also, your husband liked knitting when he was younger, maybe doing that together or gifting him some needles and wool might be nice?🤔 I don't know, was just a thought😅 OOP replied >I don't know if he likes knitting now or not but will ask him. He is still in his peak "masculine" phase. Baby steps. xxx geekynerdornerdygeek >Absolutely a case of "communication works". I hope things improve from here for OP and family and Matt becomes a wonderful chef. OOP replied >I hope so too. I would be one proud mama. xxx Feyranna >Hahaha He called a military man thinking they’d back him stopping a young man cooking? Who does he think cooks in the military? Glad you’ve got a good FIL! OOP replied >FIL doesn't share military stories that much but yeah as far as I know chores are divided in military. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13bw34t/aita_for_letting_my_son_help_me_in_the_kitchen/

13bw34t

AITA for how I responded to a "friend" at my friend's birthday dinner?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/diligent_neat8843 in r/AmItheAsshole on Dec 22, '22 updated on April 30, '23. &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zska7m/aita_for_how_i_responded_to_a_friend_at_my/)** Dec 22, '22 &nbsp; AITA for how I responded to a "friend" at my friend's birthday dinner? Hello, I am part of a friend group of 5 girls all 20-22 years old. We live in Europe and this post is translated to English. My friend Anne had her birthday dinner with the group yesterday. Anne's "friend" Beth is 22 and a SAHM. I am an university student. Yesterday, when Beth arrived (late) she looked at me and said "You look like shit." Not very nice but true, so fair enough because I really looked like shit. Why? I have a lot of courses that I have to attend and I cannot delay them. The exams are coming. I am studying for more than 90 hours per week without counting the lectures. I am also working, although only 3 hours a week with preparing at home for at least 2 more hours. I am stressed and I fear that I cannot pass these exams. I kind of developed insomnia due to the stress so I have not slept for the last 3-4 days and you can see it in my face. I am starting to think that if I die right now at least I don't have to do the exams but I think I will feel better again after the exams. I did not even want to go to dinner because I just have so much to do but I care about Anne so I went. I said "Yeah, I am very tired from studying." She laughed and said her usual mantra "You don't know what tired is. I have 3 kids. Talk again about it when you also have 3 kids. You could have at least put on some makeup." Now, I don't really know what happened to me because we are all used to this kind of comments from her but I snapped. I told her exactly how tired I am. I told her that she isn't the only one tired and that her gatekeeping being tired is annoying and also shows what a selfish person she is and that being empathetic for one time would not kill her. I followed saying that I am without doubt more tired than her, since all her kids are out of the house for 10 hours a day (good daycare since her husband has a good job) and all she has to do is cleaning and not even cooking because her husband does this. Moreover, she has her MIL taking care of nights duties "because she and hubby are too tired" (she told us all of this herself) while I have to clean and cook and do all by myself. I think at the end I was kind of screaming because when I looked around people were staring at us. She asked Anne if she had anything to say and after Anne didn't say anything, she told me I was a childish b____ and to go to hell. Then she left. I think Anne was just too shocked to react. After that I started crying and I immediately apologised to Anne for ruining her birthday dinner. Anne was kind and told me not to worry about it and that she would have a chat with Beth later. The other girls messaged me after we left saying that I had to apologise to Beth, that I was insensitive to her struggles and that it was not okay to bring her "home situation" to the discussion. I wrote this during another sleepless night and am only posting this now because I still don't know if I was in the right for responding like that. I mean I still ruined Anne's birthday dinner and I could have just ignored her comment. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >ESH. You were both gatekeeping being tired. It honestly sounds like you have time management issues if you need to study 90 hours per week outside of class time and need 2 hours of prep time to work only 3 hours per week. Beth was unkind and out of line, but you did escalate things by how far you took your counterattack. Neither of you were considerate of Anne's birthday. OP: I accept your judgement but I still want to clarify this points you brought. "It honestly sounds like you have time management issues if you need to study 90 hours per week outside of class time and need 2 hours of prep time to work only 3 hours per week." I don't have "time management issues". I just got very unlucky with group projects. I got put in a group with 4 other students, who don't have any interest in doing any of the work so I'm basically working for 5 instead of 1. Moreover, since the groups are chosen by the teacher in alphabetical order I got stuck with the same 4 students for 3 projects. Regarding my job, there are jobs which require you to do some stuff at home and/or prepare for the actual "working hours" like teaching for example. I got one of those, which till now was never a problem but with all the other things I need to do, it is now adding more stress. >(u/Noiwontinstalltheapp) That's a management problem. Stop doing the work of those other students. Contact your university and provide them with emails/chat logs etc which show you are the only one working on these projects. Document your own contributions and ensure you only get marked on those. OP: Thank you for your suggestion. I appreciate the helpful advice. I just sent an email to my teacher. I had thought about doing it earlier, but I was scared about repercussions for being a "snitch". But you are totally right, I should not have to do all the work. Thank you again for your comment. I really needed the reassurance that it is the right thing to do. *Judgment: Not The Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/133iy0r/update_for_aita_for_how_i_responded_to_a_friend/)** April 30, '23 &nbsp; UPDATE for AITA for how I responded to a "friend" at my friend's birthday dinner? I know some time has passed since I wrote my post and not many people were interested in my conflict but I still want to update for the few people that cared enough to comment. I was judged NTA and some comments really helped me. And special thanks to u/Noiwontinstalltheapp . Regarding my friend Aanne: I called her and apologised again for yelling and ruining her dinner party. She said that I did not ruin anything and that she should have put a stop to Beth's actions long ago. She also told me that I was paranoid as always and that I did not yell but just raised my voice a bit and that it was normal that the table next to us seemed invested in our discussion. I insisted on taking her out to dinner just the two of us after my exams and we went and had a great time. We are both in no contact with Beth and low contact with the other girls. Regarding my university problems: I contacted my teacher. He was as useful as always and told me that I should continue to do my work (meaning all the work) and that he would ask his superior for help. I did not hear back from him before my presentations. At that point I was angry and bitter of all the work I had to do so I said "screw them" and signed everything with my name only and presented alone with my colleagues standing next to me completely silent. I repeated several times that I did everything alone and told my teacher that I sent him an email with proof of this (email, screenshots, etc.). He said he had not seen the mail yet. He asked the others if it was true that I did everything alone and three of them actually tried to lie AFTER I told the teacher I had proof! But the last one, I will call him Boy, said the truth, and apologised to both me and the teacher. Boy took me out to lunch after the presentation, apologised again and explained that he was "like stuck in a mental coma" after a traumatic event that occurred to him and that I "snapped" him "right out of it" when I told the teacher about all the work I had to do alone (his words). He told me that he was thinking about quitting his studies because he was so behind, but I managed to dissuade him and we now regularly meet up to study together. We have become good friends and he will be back on path with his studies in about a year hopefully. I passed all my exams but the colleagues failed all of them. The 3 other colleagues are currently facing some troubles with the university for fraud/cheating(?) since they continue to claim that they worked on the exams and will not back down with these statements. My teacher is confident that they will be expelled over their stubbornness. Boy is okay, as he admitted everything and "just" failed the exams. I can sleep again and I am happy. This is all, thank you all again! &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13cczrd/aita_for_how_i_responded_to_a_friend_at_my/

13cczrd

WIBTA for not attending my twin brothers surprise birthday dinner when I was only invited as a guest?

ONGOING

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/\_somethingorrather](https://www.reddit.com/user/_somethingorrather/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole and his own page. The original post was one of the top posts on AITA last month. **Mood Spoiler:** >!The whole thing is weird but OOP is ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/132rpi2/wibta_for_not_attending_my_twin_brothers_surprise/)**: April 29, 2023** WIBTA for not attending my twin brothers surprise birthday dinner when I am only invited as a guest Would I be the asshole for not attending a surprise birthday dinner for my twin brother So I’m a twin, my brother and I hang out all the time and we are super close. In a few days its our (25m) birthday. We share the same friend group and we’re all really close and have been since school. He has a close group of girl friends (about 5 of them) who I have also known for many years, I would class them as being closer with him in recent years but we are all still good friends and socialise often together. Now, I have been added to a group chat labeled “*my brothers name* surprise dinner!” It is a surprise birthday dinner for my twin brother organised by one of the girls in that group and they have invited me as a guest. One of them also said in the group that it would “be nice to see me as well” so I just feel like an afterthought. I wouldn’t really have minded if the girls wanted to organise a surprise birthday evening exclusively for my brother and themselves but they have also invited my partner and some of my brother and I’s closest friends. This feels inconsiderate and quite upsetting as I can’t understand why I would be invited to my literal twin brothers surprise birthday dinner with me only invited as a guest as it is also my birthday involving all of our friends. My girlfriend also found this action to be extremely rude and wondered why this girl didn’t just reach out to her and then they could have organised a surprise involving both of us instead or have just involved both my brother and I and left the surprise element out of it. In the chat it is clearly stated that we are all to arrive at one time while my brother is due to arrive 20 minutes later. The thought of attending makes me feel weird because it’s just a celebration for “his” birthday when him and I are literally born on the same day. This isn’t new information to the organiser. Also, every year my brother and I do something together because we want to and because we have the same friends, last year our friends and my girlfriend set up a massive dinner for our birthday to which everyone was invited, including the girl group. So now I’m at a crossroads. I don’t know whether or not to attend. On one hand, if I don’t go I will feel left out because our mutual friends are going. But on the other hand if I do go, I will feel like I am letting myself be disrespected and I will likely feel uncomfortable as it feels like only my brother is being celebrated. So, WIBTA if I took a stand and didn’t go? EDIT: my girlfriend has just checked the chat and the organiser has booked the dinner for 10 people and a set menu. There are currently 11 attending excluding my girlfriend and I. If we went, this would make it way over capacity. Now we *really* aren’t sure if we should go because what if we turn up and there is no room? This makes it slightly more awkward as we may not be able to just pull up a chair and join? The dinner is tomorrow also. Thanks for all the kind messages as well, I will definitely give an update after everything plays out ***Relevant Comments:*** *Start a group chat with just your close friends to see what's up:* "My girlfriend messaged one of our mutual friends and explained the situation and our mutual friend was gobsmacked, she didn’t read the chat thoroughly and assumed it was a surprise party for both of us. Our mutual friend was really angry and said she is sick of this girl (the organisers) drama but I think she is still attending but said she would speak up if we decide to not go and someone questions my partners and I’s absence" *Why aren't you all as close anymore?* "It was natural distance but they can be a bit problematic at times causing unnecessary dramas etc, so myself and my friends just distanced ourselves a little bit but my brother remained quite close even so which is fine" "I am close to these people, just not so much the organiser. Her and I are still good friends but she is closer to my brother. The problem is is that she has invited brothers and I’s best friends. Which feels strange." *Are you certain they aren't planning a separate thing for you?* "100% certain" *Do you have plans with your brother?* "My brother and I see each other almost everyday as we are in business together, he is completely unaware this is going on so he’s not at fault, I know he will be upset if he knew I wasn’t included" "We both talked about how we didn’t want to do anything for our birthday this year" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/_somethingorrather/comments/1367ffb/update_wibta_for_not_attending_my_twin_brothers/)**: May 2, 2023** Hey sorry guys I know you have all been wanting an update but I felt like I really had to sit with my feelings for a few days and really think about the nuisances of the situation, I also want to thank you all for your supportive comments, it made me feel like I wasn’t going crazy haha. There’s been a lot of common questions so I’ll try to answer those first ⁃ Could this be a secret surprise for me too? - No definitely not, I was added to the group chat with all the other guests and was given instructions on when to be there and when we would all surprise my brother, also this girl is not that thoughtful haha and if it was a secret surprise my partner would have known and wouldn’t have just let me suffer in silence. ⁃ Does this girl have a crush on my brother? - I was actually impressed by people’s intuition, it’s not really a straightforward crush, she’s been hot and cold with him but they aren’t together. I do think that she tries hard to be the most important girl friend in his life though so I think her organising this surprise dinner is her way of further trying to achieve that status, so you guys were spot on haha. ⁃ To the few who said that I need to get out of my feelings and go - I would have had absolutely no problem at all if they wanted to do something with just my brother alone, if they had just left it to their girl group to celebrate him and left me out of it. I respect that they are closer to my brother, and I would have been happy for him! The problem arises when I’m invited as a bystander and my partner and some of my best friends are invited too while completely disregarding that it’s my birthday also. That’s what made me feel shitty. ⁃ Why haven’t some of my closest friends who were invited said anything? - I got a call from a friend the day of the dinner, and he said he spoke with our other close friend and they agreed that it was extremely rude and a strange thing to do. I asked him why none of them spoke up on my behalf and he just apologised and said he didn’t have any excuses for it. They still ended up going to the dinner. My other close friend rang up the day and she said that she is not attending because it doesn’t feel right to do. Then this close friend ended up texting one of the girls from that group explaining why she won’t be there, the girl then responded with excuses and said it’s not that big of a deal. So, I spoke to my other close friends who are also twins (they weren’t invited to the dinner) and just asked them how they would feel if they were in this situation. They pretty said what majority of you all said, they were so angry on my behalf and said that it is extremely messed up, and that they wouldn’t go if this was them. They then created a new dinner plans with myself, my girlfriend and my brother and our closest friends so that we can do a new celebration after our birthday instead. I didn’t go to the dinner. It was two nights ago, so my girlfriend and I went to see a movie instead. We figured if we took the radio silent route our absence would hopefully speak for itself. I was really considering saying something in that chat but I was also not wanting them to paint me as aggressive I was also considering calling my brother the morning of and ruining the surprise because I wanted to let him know what was going on and just talk to him, but at the same time I felt like an asshole doing that to him. I wanted him to have his moment too. So I decided to wait until the day after the dinner so say something. I spoke to my brother yesterday (and showed him the post) and he recognised that it was very rude and stupid of her and said it felt weird for him too. He explained he had nothing to do with it, which of course I already knew that and let him know that I never blamed him for it at all. He said that at the dinner the organiser said that she invited me and my partner but that we just didn’t come, so he wasn’t actually aware that I was invited only as a guest until afterwards. But he hasn’t said anything to her yet, I’m not sure if he will mention something to her later or not though. The organiser hasn’t said anything to me either but I don’t really care about hearing from her anyway. Yesterday both me and my brother went to the new celebration dinner together, which was really nice and we both had a really good time. So really this whole thing just highlights who my actual friends are ***Relevant Comments:*** *People say OOP is a better person than them because they would have said something to the organizer:* "Yeah I thought about maybe saying something next time I am around her but then again I can’t see her taking any genuine accountability, as I’ve also heard they have already regarded it as “no big deal” I think it might make me feel worse to be gaslit haha, but I know within myself and that many others think it was wrong of her, so if she doesn’t want to admit that then that’s fine by me" *Someone says they're disappointed the brother is still friends with some of those people:* "Well he’s read the post and the comments on it so hopefully he can come to his own realisations about it as I didn’t want to impose my own opinion on him as I think it is hard to acknowledge that one of his closest friends could do something/be like that, I think it’s also hard when he has them downplaying the situation too" "Yeah I do understand what you’re saying and I do feel let down in that sense, I mean ideally I want that and for him to see her true colours, I’m just not sure that’s the case, I think it’s complicated for him. Not excusing it but all I can really say right now is I hope he comes to the realisation on his own about the company he keeps" *The future:* "For sure I will definitely let you guys know if anything else happens further along the line"

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13cffjs/wibta_for_not_attending_my_twin_brothers_surprise/

13cffjs

My sister(F31) says I(F25) can't be in her wedding if I bring my boyfriend(M26) of 5 years

NEW UPDATE

I am not OOP. OOP is [u/ThrowRA-calicoastin](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRA-calicoastin/). Trigger Warning: >!mentions of physical fighting!< Mood spoiler: >!shocking!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/duplicates/12aaxd6/my_sisterf31_says_if25_cant_be_in_her_wedding_if/) was posted on April 3rd, 2023. **My sister(F31) says I(F25) can't be in her wedding if I bring my boyfriend(M26) of 5 years** I met my boyfriend in college 7 years ago, and we started dating 5 years ago. He is super close and loving with my family. He was there at my nieces' births, baptisms, Christmas, vacations, etc. We are extremely committed to each other for the long run, but don't want to get married until we are financially stable and both our careers are where we want them to be. My sister has been with her fiance for 2 years and engaged for 6 months. My sister is the type of girl who has dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl. It didn't matter who proposed she just wanted to be married. I have never cared if i got married or not, as long as I have a good career and a happy relationship i'm fine. In the beginning of her relationship she tricked me into going on a double date with her fiancé and his brother. She had said it was dinner with her and a friend, and it was most definitely not. The brother kept making passes at me the whole time and I told him I had a boyfriend and the whole situation made me uncomfortable. At their engagement party my boyfriend noticed that the brother wouldn't stop staring at me and we tried our best to avoid him. Every time I have seen this guy he has been weird towards me. My sister wanted me, my twin(fraternal), and 2 brothers in her wedding. The wedding is supposed to be next month in the beginning of May. My sister just told me that I'm going to be walking down the aisle with her fiancé's brother. I told her that he makes me uncomfortable and I thought I would be walking with my own brother. Apparently this is something her fiancé is insisting and she wants to make him "happy". Seems like a pretty weird thing to insist, and I know its some scheme between the two brothers. My other siblings also thought it was weird and voiced their objections to our sister. She got upset and said this is her wedding and she'll do what she wants. I told my boyfriend this and he was upset for me. He's confident enough in himself that he knows this guy would never be competition, but he knows how uncomfortable I am with this situation. The other day we had family dinner at my mom's house. I took this as an opportunity to bring up the aisle situation with my mother around. My sister got extremely upset and started crying saying I was trying to ruin her marriage. I was so confused, as was everyone else, and tried to explain that he makes me and my boyfriend extremely uncomfortable. She then said that I can't bring my boyfriend to her wedding anymore and if i do then I'm no longer a bridesmaid. She gave no reason as to why I can't bring him and my siblings were just as upset considering they like my boyfriend a lot better than my sister's fiancé. I thought I would give her a few days to calm down and re-think but she has not changed her mind. My 19 year old brother's girlfriend is still invited to the wedding. My boyfriend is an incredible guy and has been nothing but kind and generous to my sister. His feelings are hurt but he still wants me to go to the wedding. I think my sister is being an unreasonable ahole and I will be pretty pissed off at the wedding if my LIFE partner is not there with me. Being her bridesmaid is something I can live without, so should I bring my boyfriend or go without him? Or should I demand that my boyfriend be allowed to come to her wedding and that she's being super unfair? I love my sister but I don't understand why she's forcing some silly request by her creepy brother in law. I don't know what to do and my family is no help either. TLDR: My sister is making me walk down the aisle with her fiancé’s creepy brother who makes me extremely uncomfortable. When I objected she said I can't bring my boyfriend(of 5 years) to the wedding, and if I do I am no longer a bridesmaid. *Top Comment:* *"She’s upset because it seems like she basically offered you up to BIL’s creepy brother on a platter with the delusional idea of “oh won’t it be cute if you and my sister hooked up at my wedding” despite you already having your boyfriend, and you’re ruining her “vision” and being a bridezilla about it.* *Call her bluff and accept stepping down from being in the martial party regardless, but reiterate sternly that you are in no way shape or form playing along with their stupid matchmaking idea and they need to stop. You’re her sister, not some breeding mare to be promised at her or BIL’s whim, their behavior is disgusting."* &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/12g4y12/myf25_sisterf31_doesnt_want_my_bfm26_at_her/) posted on April 8th, 2023. **My(f25) sister(f31) doesn't want my bf(m26) at her wedding bc her BIL(m29) is infatuated with me and I punched her in the face. Don't know what to do now.** I posted a few days ago about **my sister(f31) saying I(f25) cant be in her wedding if I bring my boyfriend(m26) of 5 years.** That post has since been removed, but I will quickly summarize the situation because it has escalated. My sister's fiancé's brother has made several sexual advances at me in the past and my sister has encouraged it (she tricked me into a double date). My relationship with my boyfriend is very serious and we will get married sometime in the future. The brother has always made me uncomfortable and I try to stay as far away from him as I can. My sister then decided that I was going to walk down the aisle with him, instead of with my brother(that was the original plan, theres 4 of us siblings, 2 guys, 2 girls). I told her at family dinner I didn't want to do that, some arguing was involved, she was crying, then she said I can't bring my boyfriend to the wedding and if I do I am no longer a bridesmaid. Most of the comments said I shouldn't go to the wedding at all, but she is my sister and I don't want to miss her wedding. I went to my parent's house with my brothers and told them about everything the BIL has done that makes me super uncomfortable and how my sister is disrespecting my relationship. My dad was pretty pissed off about the date stunt that she pulled and is on my side. My mom, however, says that I need to try and resolve this with her because if I am not part of the wedding party "people will talk". I honestly couldn't give a shit about what extended family has to say. My mom called a family meeting and told my sister and my twin to come to the house. My dad asked her why I was no longer walking with my brother, to which she responded saying that its what her fiancé wants and she just wants to make him happy. I pressed the issue asking why is this such a big deal for me to walk with him and that he's super weird and I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to assault me. That really pissed her off. She starting crying and yelling saying a bunch of bs how this is all she's ever wanted and we're trying to ruin her special day, blah blah blah. I was tired of the arguing and just straight up said I'll go to the wedding as a guest then I'm leaving before the reception. My twin and younger brother took my side and said they don't want to be in the wedding party if i'm not. This made my sister lose her fucking mind. She was screaming now, calling me a bunch of names that I can't say on this sub; a b\*\*\*h, c\*\*\*t, w\*\*re; and also calling my boyfriend names. I decided to leave and let my parents calm her down, but before I could walk out she ran at me and yanked my hair(still screaming). She wouldn't let go, so I yanked hers too and she let go. She has extensions and apparently i fucked them up, and ripped some hair out. She tried to grab me again, so I punched her in the face. I didn't mean to hit her it was just my instant reaction to someone coming at me. So now she has a black eye, a cut on her cheek, and missing some hair. She's absolutely livid because her bachelorette party is next week. My mom is mad at me, my dad is not. My sister is now saying that she's going to "press charges" against me. Can she actually do that or is she just trying to scare me? She's also pissed off because my other siblings won't be in the wedding. She told my mom if I apologize to her and agree to be in the wedding she'll let me walk with my brother. I feel like that is bs and she will still make me walk with the BIL last minute. At this point I feel like it's not worth the trouble and I just don't want to go at all. My mom and dad want me to do what she asked because they're paying for the wedding and want all their kids there. My twin and younger brother said they'll do whatever I want to do, but I don't think I should be the reason they don't go. My boyfriend feels like he started all this drama when none of it is his fault. My sister believes I ruined her wedding (she ruined it herself) and I don't know what to do. So options are go to the wedding as a guest, be in the wedding, or not go at all. My parents will be upset if I don't go, and I really don't want any more tension, but she disrespected me and my relationship. As soon as this wedding is over I am going to limit my contact with her for a while. TLDR: My sister doesn't want my long term boyfriend at her wedding because her future BIL is infatuated with me. I told her i would not walk down the aisle with him and just be a guest. She lost her mind, became super angry, and attacked me. In response, I punched her in the face. 2 of my siblings don't want to go anymore either. Now she's saying I ruined her wedding and she'll let me walk with my brother, but I don't believe her. I don't know whether to go or not because I don't want anymore family drama. At the end of the day, she's my sister and I love her. *Top comment:* *"I wouldn't go. And since she attacked you first, can't you claim self defense? And what kind of toxic sister is she??? She's utter human garbage to put you in such a position. Don't go to the wedding. She should have to suffer the consequences of her actions."* &#x200B; [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA-calicoastin/comments/1364edj/update_myf25_sister_f31_doesnt_want_my/) posted on May 2nd, 2023 **My(f25) sister (f31) doesn’t want my boyfriend(m26) at her wedding because her BIL(m29) is infatuated with me and I punched her in the face** The first part of this is written before the wedding and the second part will be after the wedding. First off I want to say I didn’t know this post had blown up like it did until a few days ago. When I first posted it it only had about 30 comments and now Ive seen thousands and received lots of messages. I’ve also received some messages and read some comments about how I’m not responding to people or answering questions. I don’t think I am required to answer anyone. I’ve heard tons of crazy theories and lots of people saying they hope my sister attacks me again or I should get her arrested or scream rape at her wedding. While these are all interesting this is unfortunately my real life and not a movie. I will try and clear up any questions in this post. Some people asked if race is an issue and it’s not. My family is French and Puerto Rican. My boyfriend is Italian and my sisters fiancé is just white idk what his ethnicity is. There was also some confusion about my siblings. I am one of 5 kids. My twin is a girl, I guess that got misunderstood when I said 2 girls 2 guys I meant that besides my sister getting married there was 4 of us walking down the aisle. I kept saying twin instead of sister so she wouldn’t get confused with the one getting married. My sister is second oldest. Also don’t think money is an issue either. My family’s not rich just middle class. The reason her wedding is getting paid for and not mine is because she didn’t go to college and I did. They paid for majority of my tuition, and I don’t want a big fancy wedding either. Some people also asked why they don’t revoke their money from her for this behavior but the wedding has already been paid for for a while so there’s no getting their money back. My sister did have a black eye still at her bachelorette party and changed the venue to a darker place and she wore lots of makeup. My twin, brothers, and me &bf went to the club that night instead and had a fabulous time and got trashed. I heard from her friend that she was telling everyone she got hit with a car door and not my fist. My sister has always been a bit unhinged. When she was in high school her and my twin used to fight all the time. Every breakup my sister has ever had she has broke down and shut down completely and felt her life is over. I’ve seen this since she was 12. I used to get in lots of arguments with my parents over them excusing her behavior which ultimately made me decide to go to college across the country. During college I rarely talked to her. When I came back home she had matured and our relationship has been good for a while. She still occasionally has huge meltdowns over small things like this wedding. I sent my future BIL a text asking why him and his brother are so obsessed with me to which he didn’t respond to. Me and my dad went down to his place and he said my sister was the one who kept telling him that I was interested and would leave my boyfriend. So I don’t even know which one of them came up with this plan. My dad got mad and told him to leave me and my boyfriend the fuck alone. So I have told my sister to go to therapy for years and she’s refused. I tried to have my mom see if she can get her to go to family therapy with me and she also refused but said she would talk with me and my mom. When her and her fiancé first started dating she brought him to a work New years party and he brought his brother and I also attended. This was her first boyfriend that had shown any interest in getting married one day. I guess the brother had said he found me very attractive and my sister instantly jumped the gun on that. She told him that I was not in a serious relationship(I had been with my boyfriend for 3 years) and he had a strong chance with me and he’s “just my type” (wrong). So he’s been under the impression that my boyfriend is just a place holder which is extremely not the case. He’s just as delusional as my sister. This made no sense to me why she did this because my twin is single. We are fraternal so we don’t look the same and we’re different heights with very different personalities but she’s still a very pretty girl, and SINGLE. My sister has expressed some jealousy of my relationship over the years so that could be a factor in her trying to break us up. She’s always made comments about how she’ll never have what I have with my boyfriend. About a month ago (right before her ultimatum) she found out she’s pregnant (I didn’t know) she thinks if she doesn’t make this brother thing happen then her fiancé will leave her and being a single mom is more frightening for her than her family hating her. It’s still early enough that she does have other options but she’s committed to this for some reason. This was an intense conversation and also talked about other things so this was all I could get out of her before my patience ran out. I did kinda snap on her and said some things along the lines of “sorry you’re so pathetic that you date any guy who looks at you and you still can’t find a good relationship and I can...you will be divorced before labor…” Yes it was a little mean but I was very heated in the moment and wanted to say something worse. My boyfriend is very adamant about us going to the wedding despite all the bullshit my sister is putting him through. My boyfriend doesn’t have close relationships with his siblings and has always loved being a part of this family. He wants me to maintain a relationship with mine so I don’t regret it later. He’s still hurt tho that my sister has been going through these great lengths to get him out of the picture. I’ve tried to reassure him the best I can that everyone still loves him and I always will. We’re going for the ceremony as guests and then leaving as soon as they say I do. My two brothers and twin sister are walking together as a trio. We took wedding pictures together at a park so our parents could have something of all of us (and we looked good). They haven’t decided yet if they’re staying for the whole wedding but they’re gonna feel it out. My older brother is staying the whole time so he can watch the brother and “have some words with him”. A lot of people said to have my boyfriend propose at her wedding but I don’t care enough to deliberately try and ruin her wedding. That will not make the situation better in the slightest and I honestly don’t ever want a public proposal and I think that’s super tacky. Me and my boyfriend have just been enjoying us and not worrying about any of this bs. I’m not worried about my sister attacking me again and if she does I can easily kick her ass. She can’t fight for shit which is why I don’t know why she fucked around in the first place. Also some people said isn’t it incest if sisters date brothers but it is not at all, and I have cousins who are married to sisters. Not excusing the behavior just saying that’s not incest at all. After wedding So, the wedding. I showed up in my bridesmaid dress because I wasn’t gonna go and buy another one and it’s a very nice dress. Me and my boyfriend tried to go in as late as we could to limit the amount of family asking me why I’m not in the wedding. A few aunts and uncles asked and I just said my sister lost her mind and to ask her. I tried to stay with some cousins who I told what happened and know how my sister is an occasional nut. The ones who knew that my boyfriends invite was revoked were pissed considering some of their plus ones were just dates. We sat in the front row where my sister, her husband, and the brother could see me with my very serious, handsome, amazing, loving boyfriend. He held my hand the whole time and made sure I was ok. This wedding just confirmed me not wanting a big wedding. We can have a party at most. It was only once that the brother was staring at me and I quickly shut that down by kissing my boyfriend. As soon as they all walked back down the aisle I said my goodbyes to the people that deserved it and we left. We went to a bar and danced and had a good time. I’m glad I went to the wedding so I can say I told you so when this marriage ends in 6 months. I’m glad that delusional sob saw me kissing the man I love because that will never be him. My twin had quite a few drinks at the wedding and was being very mouthy with my sister. I didn’t ask her to say something but she would’ve done that with or without booze. My younger brother told almost every family member that my sister went apeshit on me and that’s why I wasn’t at the reception. My older brother did talk to the BIL but idk what he said. I didn’t ask many other questions and this is just what they told me. I feel really bad for my sister honestly. She baby trapped herself with a subpar bottom feeder. That man has zero qualities that would make me jump through all these hoops. He has the personality of an adidas sandal. I wish my sister had more self respect and raised her standards. I don’t know much about their relationship and if he’s abusive. I would like to think that she at least has that much respect for herself to not put up with that. Maybe they’re in love, maybe he’s using her. Who knows. This marriage may not last but she’s now attached to him for at least the next 18 years. While I sort of get her reasoning for not wanting to be a single mom, my brother is a single dad and doing just fine. I don’t plan on talking to her for quite a while. I don’t know how things turned out for them for not getting me with the brother. After prying they still wouldn’t give me clear answers so I don’t know how serious the husband actually is about his loser brother getting laid. Those brothers were either neglected or breast fed till they were teens. I was already going on vacation this summer with my boyfriend but I might extend it now who knows may even get married in France for shits and giggles. Anyway thanks for all the support sorry that this ending wasn’t as dramatic as you all wanted it to be. I’m not expecting an apology I honestly don’t care anymore and just want to move on with my life and be happy and not deal with anymore psycho behavior. I’m just glad that I haven’t received any messages from BIL or my mom and that I have a great man. If there’s any questions I missed feel free to let me know. A lot of your comments made me and my bf laugh. TLDR: I went to the wedding with my boyfriend as guests. My sisters husband says she’s the one who’s been feeding him these lies that I’m interested in his brother. My sister found out she’s pregnant before her meltdown which is the reason for her wanting to pair me with her creep BIL because she’s scared of husband leaving her. She’s more afraid of being a single mom than her family hating her. I am now not gonna talk to her for quite a while and just enjoy my life with my boyfriend. *Relevant Comment:* "*Well that went as well as it could’ve. You’re doing the right thing distancing yourself from your sister. I’ll dock you points for thinking the creep BIL should go for your twin.*" OOP's response: I’m not saying he should go for her I’m saying that I don’t know why my sister didn’t try to set them up in the beginning instead of me. Reminder: I am not OOP. Please do not post on the original posts. Other than "New Update," this BORU is marked as "Concluded" because the wedding is over, and OOP is going to enjoy life with her boyfriend!

the_greek_italian

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13d0430/my_sisterf31_says_if25_cant_be_in_her_wedding_if/

13d0430

My coworkers keep asking about my assault

EXTERNAL

**I am not the Original Poster. This post was found on Ask A Manager.** Alison's advice has been removed per her request, but you can find her advice linked at the bottom of the first section . **Trigger Warnings:** >!assault; inpatient mental health stay!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP will be ok, pretty horrifying!< **Original Post: April 12, 2023** I’m an executive assistant at an accounting firm, which means that this time of year I’m averaging between 60-70 hours a week. By nature of spending that much time with them, I’m much closer with my coworkers than I have been at any other workplace. I was recently assaulted after a horrible date went catastrophically wrong, leaving me with a very obvious bruise on my lip from being bitten, and fingerprints on one of my forearms. I’ve been wearing long sleeves to obscure the fingerprint bruising, but no amount of concealer has been enough to hide the teeth marks on my lip. Under normal circumstances I would probably take a week off to try and recover physically and mentally, but with the tax deadline coming up there’s just way too much to do for that to be an option (and I can’t work from home). Taking the time off would mean adding at least 10-15 hours of work to every other admin’s plate, and doing that would only make me feel worse about the situation. Obviously I would prefer not to recount the details of a very traumatic incident over and over again, but every time I walk to the break room, copier, or bathroom I find myself cornered by another well meaning coworker who wants to interrogate me about what happened. A simple “I’m fine but would prefer not to discuss it” hasn’t been enough to deter the increasingly intrusive questions, even when firmly repeated. The general response when I push back on giving more information is something along the lines of “I need to make sure you’re safe,” “But we’re friends, why don’t you trust me enough to tell me?” or “You can’t come into the office looking like that and expect us not to ask questions.” We’re a small accounting firm so we don’t have an HR department, and the person who would probably handle an HR issue is the person trying the hardest to get more information out of me! I understand the bruising is quite shocking, but I feel like I’m entitled to privacy during what has become a very difficult period of my life. Just convincing myself to show up to work at all is taking everything I have. At this point, what can I do? **Alison's** [Response](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/04/my-coworkers-keep-asking-about-my-assault.html) **Update** [Post](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/05/update-my-coworkers-keep-asking-about-my-assault.html)**: May 1, 2023 (3 weeks later)** Thank you so much for the advice! It was really helpful to get a more objective view of the situation, and to feel so much support from the commenters! Initially it seemed like some of your suggested responses were helping my coworkers understand how intrusive they were being. Unfortunately, things got significantly worse before they got better. One of the other admins in my office, Jane, would. not. leave me alone about it. She said she just wanted to help, so I tried your suggestion and said that what I really needed was to stop being asked about it constantly, and asked her to help field off the rest of the office. I said that I knew everyone meant well (although at this point I was really doubting whether that was true), but being interrogated about it fifty times a day was making it impossible to focus on my work, and that if she could discreetly tell our coworkers to cut it out I would be very grateful. She agreed, but instead of doing anything helpful she convinced another of our coworkers, Jack, that cornering me in the kitchen and refusing to let me leave unless I told him what happened would solve all of my issues. From what I pieced together after the fact, she thought that I wasn’t telling anyone what happened because I was afraid of whoever did this to me and that having a strong man on my side to protect me would fix it. (?!?!?!) Later that afternoon I went to the kitchen to make a mug of tea, and Jack came up behind me to ask about the bruises again. I didn’t know he was there, so I jumped when he started talking, then tried scooting past him so I wouldn’t be blocked into a small room by a very large and strong man. He put his hand up on the wall to prevent me from leaving, and said he wasn’t going to move until I told him what happened. I feel somewhat bad about this, but I completely lost it on him. Everything had been building up for days at this point, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. The constant pestering was hard enough, but being physically trapped by a man so soon after being assaulted pushed me over the edge. I started yelling. “What the fuck do you think happened, Jack? Are the literal bite marks not enough to get the point across? I have been doing everything I can to keep coming in here every day so that everyone else won’t have to take on another 15 hours of work this week when all I want to do is curl up into a ball and die, and the only thanks I get is to constantly be cornered and interrogated about my face! I think it’s pretty clear what happened! I don’t understand why you think this is any of your goddamn business! I am traumatized! I am trying to do everyone here a favor in the middle of the worst thing that has ever happened to me and every single one of you has only made things ten times worse! You are not helping and I cannot do this anymore!” I was hysterically sobbing, Jack was stumbling over himself trying to apologize and get out of my way, and since literally everyone in the office was within earshot of me yelling, every other coworker was either staring at us horrified or guiltily trying to avoid eye contact with me. I didn’t have it in me to try and do anything else, so I walked to my desk, grabbed my keys, and left everything else behind. Luckily I was able to get an emergency session with my therapist scheduled that evening, where we decided that a few days in an inpatient facility would be hugely beneficial in my recovery. I’m still frustrated with my office, because I don’t think that would have been necessary had they just listened to me, but it is what it is. I notified my immediate supervisor that I would be using PTO for the rest of the tax season, and that I was planning on returning at the end of April but I’d be in touch with more specific details when I was able. My office pays for every employee and a plus one to go on a week long, all expenses paid vacation to Costa Rica right after tax season ends as a thank you for all of our hard work. I almost didn’t go because I was so afraid of seeing my coworkers again after my outburst, but I decided I’d worked too damn hard to turn down a very expensive stay in an all inclusive resort. The airport gate was the first time I’d seen anyone since my breakdown, and it was incredibly awkward. For the most part, people seemed too ashamed to talk to me at all. One of my supervisors did come over to personally apologize for not stepping in earlier, and said that the entire company really just wanted me to enjoy the vacation. She said she couldn’t think of a single member of our team who deserved it more than me, and that she didn’t want to get into things until we were actually back at work, but wanted to tell me that I would not be facing any repercussions so that I didn’t have to worry about it while I was supposed to be on vacation. She also let me know that the company would be upgrading me from economy to business on the flight there and back, giving me a gift certificate for the resort spa, issuing me a bonus in my next paycheck as a token of their appreciation for all my hard work, as well as granting me an extra week of PTO to replace the time off I’d had to use at the end of tax season. The resort ended up being big enough that I didn’t see a single one of my coworkers the entire week we were there, which I will forever be grateful for. Seeing as my life is not an episode of Criminal Minds, I’m still pretty upset with the way my coworkers treated me in their quest for juicy information. However, the bonus I received will more than cover my mental health care expenses since I’m lucky enough to have very good health insurance, sitting in the sun on a beautiful beach did wonders for my state of mind, and not a single intrusive question has been asked since I’ve returned to the office. I’ve received handwritten apologies from both Jack and Jane that seem very genuine, my clients were all handled perfectly while I was out, and for the most part things have gone back to normal. My biggest takeaway is that I’m allowed to advocate for myself and my needs, and that even if it’s inconvenient, your company will always find a way to make it work. I will absolutely be taking the time off in the future if I need it, as I probably could have avoided a lot of the stress I’ve experienced over the past month if I had just done that from the start. Honestly I just hope I can move on, and that my coworkers have learned that a good bit of gossip is not more important than someone’s actual feelings! **Editor's note: I liked this person's comment on the update post, and it's a good reminder for us.** I know everyone means well, but can we not do the “I can’t believe she didn’t do XYZ” or “she should have done XYZ” or “I would have done XYZ” thing? Speaking as someone with who’s been assaulted, you don’t \*know\* how you’d react in that situation. People have different threat responses (flee/fight/freeze/fawn) and they’re not usually voluntary. Even people who have self-defense training sometimes freeze, and–especially if you have a freeze or fawn reaction–it can feel like criticism when people are like “why didn’t you knee him?” or “\*I\* would have punched him.” (People who freeze get shamed for “letting” it happen, and people who fawn–that is, try to de-escalate or defuse the situation–get shamed for “going along” with it.) Well, sometimes the answer is: I literally could not move. I couldn’t get the “kick him” signal or the “run” signal from my brain to my muscles. I thought of doing it, I tried to do it, and… nothing happened. Or sometimes it’s that you literally couldn’t even think of doing it. That in the moment, it doesn’t even occur to you that it’s an option because your physiological response is overwhelming and shutting down any rational functioning. If were OP and I were reading this (which I very much hope she is \*not\*) after having been traumatized by her attacker and then re-traumatized by her employer and coworkers, responses that can be read as “you should have done what I imagine I would have done when you were physically trapped by a man trying to force you to relieve your assault for him” can also be a form of re-traumatization.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13d0smt/my_coworkers_keep_asking_about_my_assault/

13d0smt

OP's Husband Is Accused Of Cheating For Complimenting OP's Friend

CONCLUDED

Fun Fact To Cover Up Spoilers: The oldest recorded recipe for a French Toast like dish was not from France but was actually from Rome, dated around 300 CE in a cookbook called "Cooking and Dining In Imperial Rome" by Roman author Apicius. CW: >!Past Cheating, Cheating Discussions,Sexual Harrassment, Mental Health Issues, Car Accidents!< Mood Spoilers: >!Good for OOP and her husband and hopeful for the friend!< *I am not OOP. OOP was* [u/FrenchBread2023](https://www.reddit.com/u/FrenchBread2023/) *whose account is now suspended. This was originally posted on* [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/123yaeo/friend_is_mad_because_my_husband_complimented_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)\- **Friend is mad because my husband complimented her?** (March 27th, 2023) A good friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years after she discovered he was cheating. She has recently decided to get back into dating, but she wanted the first date to be a double-date for her own comfort. Her date was completely on board and they invited my husband and I. We met at a restaurant. My husband and I arrived first, and my friend showed soon after. Before her date arrived, my husband made a comment to her: *“That dress looks eloquent (edit: ELEGANT) on you. The color is unique.”* Here’s the thing about my husband and his family: They give compliments. It’s never sexual or over-the-top, but they all will **occasionally** give nice comments to people they know/trust, regardless of gender, and they do it sensibly, in my opinion. And it’s not always about appearances. It’s one of the things that attracts me to him. The dinner went well, we thought. My friend’s date seemed to hit it off with her. But the next day, my friend texted me this: *“You need to tell \_\_\_\_\_ to stop making comments about other women. That’s how affairs start.”* I told her I disagreed. She responded: *“As someone who was cheated on, trust me, I know. I can’t believe you are okay with \_\_\_\_\_ looking at my dress. I was pissed off for you.”* I told her that if she is uncomfortable with him complimenting her then she can tell him herself and that he’ll respect her boundary/wishes. She replied with, *“🙄 Don’t come crying to me when you catch him with another woman. 🚩 🚩 🚩 ”* I’m at a complete loss for how to approach this. \- *Most of the comments encourage OOP to tell her husband, though some disagree on when to do so.* \- Update One (Posted on the same post the next day) My husband now knows. Over breakfast I showed him the text messages. Initially he just said, *"what the hell?"* but then he re-read them, and I think it got to him a little as his facial expression got more serious/attentive. Then he said, *"that's disgusting. You know I'd never cheat or compliment someone to cheat, right?"* I told him yes, of course. *"That's all that matters. Don't smell what she's stepping in, she can work on that in therapy."* Thank you all again, Initially I wasn't going to tell him but I'm glad I did. Your thoughts helped me to change my mind. I still am not going to respond to my friend but if she reaches out for anything then I will tell her we need to resolve this first. \- [Update Two](https://www.unddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1258d50/update_friend_is_mad_because_my_husband/) (Recovered via unddit, posted March 28th, 2023) First of all, thank you to so many of you who shared your thoughts and support on the post I made yesterday. I've been blown away by the show of kindness and interest from internet strangers. Three things of note have transpired since the incident that occurred over the weekend. (1) This morning (after some of you kind souls changed my mind) I showed my husband the text messages while we were eating breakfast. At first glance he just said, *"What the hell?"* but then he read it again and paused to think. He found it *"disgusting"* and agrees that I should not involve myself further, and that my friend probably needs therapy to overcome her hurt. His exact words, *"Don't smell what she's stepping in."* LOL. (2) My husband called me on his lunch break and honestly sounded a little... alert? Like shaken up? When he opened Facebook today he found a friend request from my "friend". Now, neither of us want to jump to conclusions. He doesn't check Facebook often and it doesn't say ***when*** she sent him the request. I want to assume it was before the double-date. Regardless, he declined it. (3) Unfortunately some of you were right and my friend "K" involved someone else. A mutual friend "J" sent me screenshots. To my knowledge this is the only person she's talked to. "K" said she felt like my husband was looking at her and it was *"ick af"* and she asked "J" what to do. "J" pleaded with her not to do or say anything and "K" agreed not to, but this conversation happened before she texted me. So she lied. I thanked "J" for letting me know and sent the following message to "K" (some of my wording was inspired by people who took the time to share their thoughts on the original post): *"Hey, I've thought about what you said, and I am very not okay with it. You said "when" I find \_\_\_\_\_ with another woman, not "if" which tells me you have already judged him as unfaithful over a completely innocent and well-intentioned compliment, which is normal for him. I've cherished your friendship but I don't think I can be close with someone who thinks my life partner is unfaithful. I say this with love, but perhaps because you've been burned (and you have absolutely been burned), now every light looks like a fire to you. My hope and prayer is that you heal from what's been broken. Maybe after some healing or some counseling we can talk but for now I think I need to create some distance because I am feeling very hurt by your comments. Nothing but hope for the best for you."* I concluded the text with a link to an article on projection. She hasn't responded and I don't think she will, and I definitely don't have the emotional capacity to respond if she does. I'm just tired at this point. I don't want to talk to "J" about it because I don't want to be a wrench in her friendship with "K", so I am once more getting it off my chest here, though I feel a little guilty about sharing so much. Hopefully this is the last update. Sorry it was a novel. I'm going to go watch some shows until I feel... something. Right now I'm just numb. \- *The previous update was removed from True Off My Chest so OOP also provided a recap. I've included it here for preservation sake but for reading, the new information begins after the bullet points.* [Update Three](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/125mgpb/final_update_exfriend_got_mad_because_my_husband/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) (Posted March 29th, 2023) I think I broke a sub rule in the second update. I apologize to the mods if that’s what happened and I won’t let it happen again. Either way the post was taken down. I want to get this final update off my chest and finally move on from this entirely. Summary up to this point: * Husband and I went on a double date with a friend who was cheated on and ended a 6-year-relationship. * My husband said her dress looked elegant and unique. It is very normal for him (and his whole family) to compliment people. * Husband and I used a gift card to pay for most of the meal. Friend’s date paid the rest (this becomes relevant later) * The next day my friend texted me saying she was pissed for me because of what my husband said and after I defended him she said *“Don’t come crying to me when you catch him with another woman”* * After some lovely encouragement from this sub I showed my husband the texts yesterday morning. He was disgusted and seemed a little bothered but was okay. * Later at work he calls me and tells me the friend sent him a Facebook friend request. We don’t know when she sent it though. He’s uncomfortable and chooses to reject it. * A mutual friend shared screenshots with me of our friend talking about the compliment. * I text friend and tell her that I need some space after what she said, and after she’s done some healing perhaps we can talk again. * At 12 last night, husband received money online from friend. Same amount as the gift card was for. They’ve (hubby and friend) never sent money online before. She and I have. Confused why she sent it to him and not me. We also NEVER asked to be reimbursed. He stated he feels like he’s being set up both by keeping the money or by sending it back and is mulling over what to do. * After some broken sleep, I texted her one last time saying, *“Do not contact us anymore. Be well.”* I just wanted to get all of this out in one place so hopefully we can all move the hell on. Mods, I apologize if any rules have been broken. Thank you for allowing me this cathartic space to release this. I feel hurt and torn and bludgeoned by the suddenness of all this. Going from having a good friend to no longer trusting them in 3-4 days is a lot. I still empathize because she lost a trusting relationship with a significant other of 6 years and can only imagine the toll of it is what’s causing this confusing behavior. Regardless, we are done with it and I am spent. \- [Update 4-](https://www.unddit.com/r/Advice/comments/12754qs/should_i_tell_mutual_friends_about_problematic/) **Should I Tell Mutual Friends About Problematic Behavior** (Originally Posted to [r/Advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/) Recovered via Unddit, March 30th, 2023) *OOP Posted a summary of events. I have removed them as it seems to be identical to the last set besides the last couple of bullet points which have new information:* \- She proceeded to send a friend request to my husband on Facebook. He is uncomfortable so he declines it. Hours later she finds him on a money-sharing app and sends him money (the amount we paid with our giftcard). At that point I texted her and told her not to contact him or me. The next day she sends him another FB request and he blocks her. \- She told one of our two mutual friends that she was upset by me and my husband. The friend sent me the text exchange. My actual question is: My husband and I are still feeling uncomfortable. Is it appropriate to discuss this with the mutual friends? I don't want it to hurt their relationship with her, but I also want them to let me know if she continues to talk about my husband, and/or give them a heads up that she and I are not communicating right now so as to not end up at the same outing or anything. Is this reasonable or is this just causing more drama? \- [Update 5-](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1289jr2/wibta_for_telling_mutual_friends_about_another/) **WIBTA for telling mutual friends about another friend behaving inappropriately towards my husband?** (Posted to [r/AITH](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/), March 31st, 2023) *Much like last time much of the post of recap. For the sake of brevity I have removed it since it's similar to the last post's. Also from this point on, OOP will refer to the friend as "Kay".* One of our two mutual friends also sent me screenshots of Kay telling her that she thought my husband was going to cheat on me... because of the compliment! The friend vouched for him and told her to leave it alone. This was before she even texted me the first time. Phew. That brings us to today. I do not like sharing gossip among friends. However, I have been contemplating telling our two mutual friends that Kay and I are not speaking. Firstly, because I don't want us to accidentally end up at the same outing or in a group chat. But also, I kind of want to know if she talks more about my husband. However, I do not want to tarnish their friendship with Kay. WIBTA if I told them some or all of what transpired? \- *Comments pretty much all agree that OOP is NTA, a few speculate on why Kay is behaving like this.* \- UPDATE 6 (Posted later that day on the same post) I called each of my friends and explained to them what happened. I told them about the texts and the repeated contact attempts on social media and that my husband and I don't want any contact with her moving forward. They both shared that they've been worried about her recently because it seems like she's gone from being a shy, relatively conservative kind of girl to suddenly very outgoing and one of them even said she's been doing "risky" things that aren't like her. She didn't go into detail. But they both agreed to try to encourage her to get some help. Thank you again everyone for your thoughts. :) \- [Update 7](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12azfaw/husband_now_being_sexually_harassed/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)\- **Husband now being sexually harassed** (Posted to [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) , April 3rd, 2023) I am beyond myself. I turned to Reddit after what started out as a weird confusing situation and everyone was so helpful and supportive. I thought it was over. My husband came home from work a while ago with tears in his eyes. She fucking sent him photos of herself in a skimpy outfit. She somehow got his phone number and sent him pictures from a number different from the one I have from her. Cleavage hanging out. Hands on various different body parts. I saw the photos. Her face is out of frame but she has the same build and I swear I recognize the room in the photo as her bathroom. I fucking know it’s her. The timing is too coincidental to not be. Husband is on the porch talking to his dad on the phone and I’m trying to make dinner but I feel like I’m about to lose it. I feel so helpless for him. He’s probably not even going to eat so I don’t even know why I’m making anything. \- Relevant Comments *Someone Suggests OOP's Husband Get A New Number* [OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12azfaw/comment/jexfnwc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) He already did, and it was really easy. Only a few close people are going to get the new number so I don’t think it will be too tiresome. *Someone Gives OOP Advice And Reminds Her That There Are Apps That Can Fake Texts* [OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12azfaw/comment/jevassj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Thank you for this. I didn’t even know fake texting apps existed. 😳 I feel like nothing good can come from that. \- [Update 8](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12byv8d/update_husband_now_being_sexually_harassed/)\- **Update: Husband Now Being Sexually Harassed** (Posted April 4th, 2023) I've said this before but I actually think this might be the real final update. Because of that, I'll try to give some potential future insight as well. This sub has been so helpful and reassuring and I truly feel like I've been able to get a lot off my chest. Also if this is the first you're seeing and for some reason you *want* to know more just go through my post history. I don't think linking old posts is allowed. Also I apologize if I've been making too many posts here. It's just easier for me to do updates separately. I get overwhelmed otherwise. First, thanks to many of you for sending positive thoughts for my husband. He doesn't do Reddit but he does know I've been posting here about things, and he and I both appreciate your kindness. I am a little worried because he got sick at work this morning, but he claims breakfast just didn't sit well and it's not stress. I think it's both, but he requested flamin' hot chicken for dinner so I take that as a good sign, lol. Some may disagree with me on this and that's okay. I understand. However, when my friend spoke to "Kay's" aunt a second time today, the aunt asked to speak with me and I agreed. Aunt is AMAZING. She spoke with me and my father-in-law and actually asked if she could meet us at the police department. So FIL and I met husband and the aunt at the PD. My husband and I were able to make a report regarding what has been going on. Aunt wanted to come with because she has tried multiple times to reach "Kay" today after hearing what's going on and hasn't heard from her. I will try not to give too much info here. She informed the PD that "Kay" had "episodes" when she was in her custody as a late teenager and she freaking brought the paperwork to prove it (she means business). We live in a city that has a mental health crisis team so the PD, aunt, and that team are doing a wellness check of sorts and aunt is really going to push for her to be evaluated at a hospital. The officer we spoke to said there's a chance they can do a psych hold, which I hope won't cause further trauma. A restraining order can't be granted for the time being, which my husband and I understand and many of you warned. But there is at least a report. Some have asked what comes next should this be a mental/medical episode and "Kay" recovers from it. First of all, I hope hope HOPE she does. My husband will absolutely continue to have no contact under any circumstance. A college professor of ours back in the day told me that you can forgive someone and still draw a firm boundary, and that is what I would intend to do. I don't want to deny her the opportunity to apologize if that's something that needs to be done for her healing. But we will not be friends in the future. We had our season. I hope with my whole heart this is the end of it. I feel a great sense of relief and hope for the best for her. My husband has a great support system in both of our families and he is my focus now. Time for some homemade flamin' hot chicken. :) \- [Update 9](https://www.unddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12iznb4/relief_and_sadness_update_to_the_whole_husband/)\-**Relief and sadness** (Originally Posted to [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/), Recovered via unddit, Posted April 11th, 2023) You can find the original posts in my history if you want to catch up. The short of it was, my husband complimented a friend of mine on her dress during a double date that *she* requested. She texted me and accused my husband of being a cheater afterward. The following week was spent dealing with her contacting him on social media multiple times, sending him money, us telling her to stop, and climaxing when she sent him sexually suggestive photos. We filed a police report for harassment and, with the help of her aunt who was alerted to the situation, the friend was hospitalized for a mental health episode of some kind. It was a stressful time for me and my husband especially, as he was scared out of his mind he was being set up for a false accusation or that something would make me question him, which never was the case. Anyway, I guess my ex-friend (we'll call her "Kay") was recently released from the hospital. She called me this morning and asked if she and I could meet one-on-one to talk things over. I agreed, and we did that a short while ago. She was very apologetic. She described the episode as watching herself do despicable things without being able to stop herself. She admitted that, before she felt completely out of her own mind, she wanted to inflict harm because she was feeling so hurt herself that she wanted to get revenge on someone, but she says she does not remember specifically targeting me and my husband. I'm not sure how to feel about that. She is now under the care of a good mental health team and her aunt... who is so badass, and is getting back to being her normal self. She asked if she and I could still be friends. I told her that my loyalty is to my husband, and by hurting him she hurt me. I told her I forgave her, I do not think ill of her, and I hope with my whole heart she finds continued health and happiness, but an ongoing friendship is a no. I shared with her some of what we went through (installing a camera, etc.) and I feel a bit badly because I think she felt quite guilty because of it. But, I felt it necessary for her to understand the boundary I am maintaining. She wrote my husband an apology note (which she allowed me to read). He declined to read it himself and says he has forgiven her in his heart, but hearing from her would bring the anxiety and stress back up, which I totally get. I feel relieved that she is on the mend, and sad for closing the chapter on a friend. I also am worried that my husband is still impacted by what happened, so I am trying to communicate with him often and keeping an eye on him. Hopefully time will continue to heal all parties involved. \- *No new information was posted specifically about this situation after this, though OOP did post appreciation for her husband on* [r/Marriage](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/) *on April 12th, 2023* [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/12jm0v3/a_long_story_on_trusting_and_being_trustworthy/). *In it she includes this sweet note.* Through all of this, I learned again that my husband is trustworthy. He held nothing back. And he had multiple opportunities to cheat if he wanted to. As painful as this was, I can’t help but appreciate him for being so faithful and trustworthy. I hope this novel encourages someone today. *After that OOP did post on* [r/Advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/) *after getting into a car accident with her husband* **What to expect after an accident** [(Posted April 13th, 2023)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/12kmocv/what_to_expect_after_an_accident/) My husband and I were in a bad car accident last night. We were going on green and got T-boned. The driver who hit us then assaulted me by grabbing my hair when I went to check on him. Hubby had to pin him down until onlookers came to help keep the guy subdued. I’ve got some whiplash but my husband needed stitches and has a concussion. We gave a brief statement to police. I don’t know what to expect regarding insurance, charges(?) or anything else. This is the first ever car accident for both of us. *OOP's husband then used the account to post this on* [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) **Thank You (from the complimenting husband)** [(Posted April 16th, 2023)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12ou0kt/thank_you_from_the_complimenting_husband/) Hey all this is actually “FrenchBread’s” husband. I don’t use Reddit so I’m borrowing her account. A couple weeks ago she shared our story about some harassment that started over a double date and something I said about a dress. She told me she had gotten a lot of support from this sub. So while I’m home recovering from a concussion and bored out of my mind (allowed to slowly reintroduce screen time) I decided to look over the posts and comments. Wow. I’m moved seeing internet strangers taking their time to encourage and support my wife (and me) during that time. Hopefully this is appropriate for the sub but I just wanted to say thanks to anyone who shared their thoughts and support and for this space being able to be used as an outlet. Thanks all. Means a lot. \- *Marked as concluded as this seems to be over and the state of OOP's account. The husband said in a comment that the ex friend has not bothered them and is still getting help (*[*here*](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12ou0kt/comment/jgkqnsj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)*). Reminder that brigading is not allowed on this sub and that I am not OOP. Thank you to the* [r/BestofRedditorUpdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/) *for helping me recover these posts and providing links.*

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13dac7c/ops_husband_is_accused_of_cheating_for/

13dac7c

OOP's abusive father tries to coerce her into staying with him until she turns 22 for "repaying time debt" because her mother took off with her as a minor against the custody order.

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/homelandish **in** r/legaladvice   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9g6uwn/does_a_child_who_didnt_see_one_parent_because_the/) \- 16th September 2018 **Does a child who didn't see one parent because the other parent stole them despite custody orders in place have to repay that time debt after age 18? Oregon** Posting anonymously because I think I know the answer but feel like an idiot asking anyway. I hope I describe this clearly. My parents split when I was very young and had shared custody about 50/50 at the time. My mother ran off with me to Canada not long after but cancer took her when I was 15. I was taken back to my father and was always told because I was away from him for eight years but he had 50/50 custody then I had to repay that time debt for four years after I turned eighteen. I took it as just how things are. There was a letter from dad's lawyer that I haven't been able to find that I had when I came back to him pointing out I would be a minor until after I turned 22 and a few months. I'm not allowed to leave home much except to work, dad gets all of my money to support me, I'm not allowed to see guys, I'm not allowed a car, and it seems really unfair to me, and nobody else my age is in this situation. Does any of this seem legally real? The more people I talk to the more it seems my dad has me under a big con but I'd like to know for sure. I know it might be trying to prove a negative but is there a link to a law I could use to show for sure either way? Edit. thank you, I'm convinced. genericusername4197's link and terms especially.   [Comment by u/genericusername4197](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9g6uwn/comment/e621zhk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >Since nobody has posted a link yet, [here](https://statelaws.findlaw.com/oregon-law/oregon-legal-ages-laws.html) you go. If you want to look up more information yourself, important keywords are legal majority (as opposed to being a minor), adult, financial independence, ability to enter into contracts - I'm sure there are more. > >Others have already given you plenty of advice regarding getting out of your current situation, resources to help you if you're in danger, etc. It is perfectly legal for you to walk out the door this minute and just keep on walking. If you're not in immediate danger, though, I suggest that you plan your exit carefully and get your resources ready ahead of time. > >Your father sounds like he has no respect for your rights or privacy, so it would follow that he might monitor your phone and computer use, search your room, look in your purse, diary, whatever. Please be very careful to keep your preparations a secret from him because such a controlling man would be much easier to get away from if he were taken by surprise. > >Best of luck. Do the hard things because they're worthwhile in the end.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9rxsi2/update_does_a_child_who_didnt_see_one_parent/) \- 28th October 2018 I'm safe, and I'm out. I organised a place to stay with a coworker. I have new bank accounts and all my paperwork. My dad has some regular sport meetings on Saturdays that go for hours so I prepared everything the week before, found where my paperwork was and walked out. I've been approved for a rental and I move there soon. I contacted two police stations near us beforehand who both understood dad's nature straight away when I told them he'd been telling me I couldn't move out because of a time debt and they told me it wasn't a thing. I took copies of all of his paperwork too because while I was getting ready to move I found most of what I knew about my parents separating was a lie. There was never a 50/50 custody agreement and my mother never ran off with me in violation to that. My dad had been held for several domestic violence incidents when I was a child and he was only to see me on special holidays and only under strict supervision. He's never been violent to me, but in the papers he had hidden was evidence of a trust available to me when I'm 21. Some of the specific wording is it can go to me as an individual or to my carer if that is required. I think my dad was trying to make himself up as my carer without me knowing. I did not find the letter I read when I was a kid from dad's lawyer but like you all said that was probably fake. After I moved out my dad did try to contact the police. They came to my coworker's address because they had to, but also let me know that yes my dad was trying to say I couldn't look after myself. His words were that I was "borderline retarded and being abused". I've been back to Canada to visit my aunts and uncle, and found the aunt who was named to manage my trust died very soon after my mother. We're still working out the details with a Canadian lawyer about some confusion over who handles what and how now but I have the full support of my remaining aunt and uncle who are the same great people I remember. They were really worried about me when I went to live with dad and had tried to contact me so many times. Thanks for all your help, your comments gave me the confidence to act.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13dnozb/oops_abusive_father_tries_to_coerce_her_into/

13dnozb

My 24M Girlfriend 23F Just Broke up With Me Because of Her Work Friends.

NEW UPDATE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRA_LTGFDM in r/relationship_advice** This was posted here previously, to read the latest post scroll down to the **New Update** --- &nbsp; [**My 24M Girlfriend 23F Just Broke up With Me Because of Her Work Friends.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11a0mfr/my_24m_girlfriend_23f_just_broke_up_with_me/) - Feb 23, 2023 I have been with my girlfriend (Kate) exclusively for 5 years but on and off for 2 years before. A lot of my first happened with her. We went to each other's prom/school dances. We supported each other through tough times. I know Kate is out of my league and I did all I could to make her feel safe and secure. I'm in love with her and wanted a future with her. I went off to college and got a double major and Kate went into cosmetology school. We were planning to move in with each other in a few months and talked about marriage and children. For the last couple of months, she kept making comments like "my coworkers keep asking why I'm with you." "[Coworker name] thinks that you're not in my league." "My coworkers want me to hang out with them and meet new people." Every time I would ask Kate what she thought. She always said that she loves me and ignores the comments. Tells them to stop. But they kept saying these comments made by her coworkers. We always had open communication. Talked things out. We haven't had any major issues. We argue over little things such as movies and TV/Anime shows, food, etc. We don't hide anything. These comments started when she got the job at that salon. She works with all women. She did not cheat or anything. No emotional affairs. No hiding locations. No secret social media. The other night we had a nice date. Had a good after date. When I dropped her off at her place she commented that she was having doubts about our relationship and wanted to break up. I was super confused and didn't say anything. I slowly walked away. I know it was because of her coworkers. The comments they were making and pushing her to leave me. (She said so in a message) Less than 4 hours later she started calling me and texting me saying she was sorry, didn't mean it, that she loves me, and she was stupid for what she said/listening to her new "friends." She was going to quit and find a different job. Stop talking to her friends/coworkers. I have not responded to anyone. I'm conflicted. I love her. I have a ring being made for her. Money saved for a house for both of us. We share 85% of our friend groups. The rest are from our jobs. Most of our shared friends have now heard about the breakup and seem just as confused as I am. From some of the messages I have received, it looks like she told them the truth. That her coworkers started to give her insecurities about our relationship and she stupidly went with it. Her parents tried to reach out to me asking what happened (we are very close). I have been radio silent. Luckily I can work remotely. I left my apartment yesterday with my laptop and found a nice place with good internet to still do my job. I feel lost. I don't know what I did. I don't know how to feel. I need advice and suggestions. TL;DR my long-time girlfriend just broke up with me because her coworkers thought I'm not good enough for her. Quick update: after I posted my boss sent me an urgent message asking if we could do a zoom meeting. I accepted. When his picture came up there were 2 cops behind him. Apparently, someone (they wouldn't name) asked them to do a wellness check on me. They tried my apartment and no one was there. Then my work. I was not there. My boss knew I was actively working remotely and called me. I had to explain I was alright just had my phone off due to drama. I'm also supposed to go to her parent's house tonight. Update #2 we did not have a meeting last night. I rescheduled it for tonight (friday). Life also has a way of kicking you when you are down. As I was going through my missed calls last night I got a voice-mail saying that my ring would be ready to pick up today(friday). I also want to apologize for spelling and Grammer mistakes. I have not been in my right mind the last few days. Thanks for all the feedback. I will probably update tomorrow or Sunday. &nbsp; [**(Update) My 24M Girlfriend 23F Just Broke up With Me Because of Her Work Friends.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11bvcnv/update_my_24m_girlfriend_23f_just_broke_up_with/) - Feb 25, 2023 my long-time girlfriend just broke up with me because of her coworkers. They thought I'm not good enough and out of her league. Thanks for the messages and comments. It has been an emotionally draining few days. On Friday I cleared all my voice-mail and texts. I ended up with 61 missed calls(4 from the police) 14 voicemails, and 417 text messages. I sent a generalized message to those who reached out stating that I was okay and safe. As well as need time and space while I work out some personal issues. I picked up the ring since it was already paid for. Then put it in the box I made for it. I did go to her parents house. As soon as I pulled up Kate opened the door and ran out. She had been crying. Went to give me a hug I accepted but it wasn't how I usually hug. She then tried to kiss me I moved my head and backed up. We went in and sat down. We sat for about 10 minutes not saying anything. She started crying and said she was sorry. I just responded with okay. I asked her what she told everyone. She said the truth. I asked her why the cops were called to check on me. She explained that she didn't call them. After our friends found out they tried reaching out. After none of them had heard from me in over 24 hours they decided to call in the wellness check. Kate used the word catatonic to describe me while/after I walked away. I took a bunch of the questions you guys posted. I asked her why did she break up with me. She didn't give me a straight answer. Something about people at work constantly talking bad about me. And playing on her insecurities. I asked her why she kept letting that happen and not put a stop to it by setting clear boundaries. She said that she tried and it would work for a day but would go back the next. I asked if she saw value in me as a person or in our relationship. She said that she does in both. I asked why would she break up over something a random stranger said about me. She said she was sorry and it was a dumb mistake. (Paraphrasing) I asked how did they know about me or our relationship and how much did you/ they talked about me? The ladies at the salon overheard Kate talk to some of our friends or customers while she was working about me. Things we did like dates birthday parties etc. Did she believe her coworkers were right? She said no. I then followed up with WHY? She said again she did not know. I asked her if there was someone else. She immediately said no. She has never cheated or been tempted to. She offered me her phone which I declined. I then told her how I felt. Sorry isn't enough. If she wants this relationship she needs to prove it to me. I didn't care that her coworkers kept talking about us. It's that you listened. It isn't what they said that hurts its the fact that you kept listening to it and repeated it back to me. She didn't try hard enough to stop them. It makes me feel like she had to feel the same way to an extent. That is what hurt and damaged the relationship. That her insecurities are what broke my trust. I will now always think that this might happen again. She will run off at the next opportunity. She asked why I just talked away. I told her that at that moment. Just 2 sentences broke me and made me rethink my life up to that point and the future I was planning with us together. I was growing and making moves for that future. She started crying harder. I felt bad. The next thing I did I regret. I asked her if she knew I was going to propose soon. She said no. I pulled out and showed her the box. I made the box as well. It has two buttons one that says yes and one that says no. It has lights that say will you be my life partner? I set it on the table and pressed yes. the box opened and she started to cry even harder. The ring has both of our birthstones that form the shape of a completed heart with small diamonds surrounding it. Laser engraved initials and date of our anniversary. I had it made so that it could be added on to if/when we had kids. Her parents were there but were more just to make sure things kept civil. Her mom was crying and her dad looked pissed but not at me. They both made comments about the ring/box. I told her that the future I had planned was not going to happen anymore. We need to give each other space. At least 3 months of no communication. We need to take a step back and look at who we are and what we want moving forward. After that, we will see where we are at. But this is on my terms and timeline. I can't return the ring so I don't know what to do with it. Might end up just giving it to her if things don't work out. After 3 months or longer. She said that most of our shared friends told her off and blocked her. Her parents are pissed and her little sister hasn't talked to her since the first night. I said I'm sorry but actions have consequences. I wished her the best. Thanked her parents for all they have done for me and hugged them. I knocked on her little sister's door(I have known her all of her life). Thanked her as well. Hugged her and left. I have 4 months left on my lease. I'm thinking of possibly moving when it expires. Tonight I'm hanging out with a good friend Mr. Jonny Walker (just for tonight). I will get my life going again tomorrow. I don't know if there will be another update or not &nbsp; [**I would have purposed tonight.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA_LTGFDM/comments/11enotu/i_would_have_purposed_tonight/) - Feb 28, 2023 Not sure if anyone will read this but.... If things didn't go down the way that they did I would have asked her to be my wife tonight at midnight. Our first date was on leap day. We would have been married on leap day of next year. &nbsp; #New Update &nbsp; [**About 2 months ago My (24M) long term girlfriend (24F) broke up with me because of her work friends.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA_LTGFDM/comments/136rb91/about_2_months_ago_my_24m_long_term_girlfriend/) - May 3, 2023 Hello people of reddit. This is a follow-up. I have had many people reach out and ask how I am and for an update. Thank you all for your love and support. To the negative Nancy's (sorry if your name is actually Nancy) I hope you stub your toe in the dark one night going to the bathroom. This may be my last update on my situation. I'm going to try to keep things in a timely order. After my last post, I tried getting my life back together. I had limited contact with my ex up until about a week ago (that jumping ahead tho) in did like I said I would do. I did some self reflection, some therapy sessions (with my therapist who I have been with for a while), and hung out with friends to get me back going right. It was working, too. I got to the point where I wasn't always thinking about Kate all the time. I did feel down about things sometimes and but I was really getting myself back. I also threw myself into my work that my therapist said it was unhealthy. So, I cut back to a more normal schedule. From what I Larned about Kate during this time. She was also able to get into therapy. She quit her job and left in a way that burned all bridges to her ex coworkers' petty island. She has a different job in a different field and is planning to go back to school in the spring. She would ask our shared friends (they did not just drop her and were there for her when she needed them) if they had seen me and how I was. They would usually just say doing well and living. I actually ran into her a few weeks after the break up, and my heart skipped. She did not look like the woman I knew. She looked defeated and down. She was out with some of her other friends, and I could tell she was faking the smile and laughter. She did not see me. It did make me sad to see it. I still have the ring. It is in a safe spot. The box I was able to modify and gave it to another friend to use. She said I should sell it, but I declined. So, over all things were getting better. I was still going to hold firm on the no contact, but life doesn't always happen. That way, several things prevented that. We ended up seeing each other face to face 2 times. One bing her little sisters play for school. I had pinky promised her I would be there and you can't break pinky promises. The second was a mutual friends birthday. We kept out distance but did do some small talk and blended into the environment. But things changed for me and our situation about a week ago. I still don't have much memory of the day, but this is what my friends have told me. For about a month now, I have been getting migranes right behind my eye. It would make my vision blur. Thinking it was nothing and was because of all the stress and events in my life, I ignored it. I was out with 2 of my friends walking around talking and shopping. I wasn't feeling well but was still having a good time out. They said we were just walking along when I slowed down, wobbled, and almost face planted(my friend caught me). I then had a seizure for about a minute. Someone called the medics, and I was rushed to the hospital. Long story some what shorter. They ran a bunch of tests, and it turns out I have a brain tumor. I think it is called a Glioma(sp?) that my docs believe they can get out. We are currently waiting for a second opinion. Im still in the hospital and should find out soon when the surgery will happen. My friends called everyone they could, including Kate and her family. She showed up with her family. I missed them. She was the first person I thought about when I woke up and when I heard the news. We have talked very deeply over the past week. She is actually my one "guest" im allowed to have. She is passed out on the uncomfortable seat/bed thing they have. I'm not sure what we are. I do still care about her and love her. The plan moving forward is when my lease is up, I'm not going renew it. Her family has invited me to move in and take care of me if things go well. I have accepted their offer after much consideration. I won't be able to drive for a while. I'm honestly scared. But I have a good support team behind me. My affairs are in order for the worst case. Thanks for reading this far. I hope you all have an amazing day/week/month/year/life. Please do me a favor and tell the people in your life that you care about that you love them and give them a hug for me. You never know what life is going to throw at you. Mini update. I'm being moved to a better hospital that has the doctor they asked the second opinion of. He is one of the top rated surgeons in the area. Surgery should be happening maybe Tuesday. Things have been rough. I had some side effects again from the brain slug. I'm going crazy slowly. I can't do anything without someone with me or helping me. I feel like this room is getting smaller. The only thing that has help is friends coming by quickly or just checking in. My boss has been cool. He has promised my job is going nowhere. And is helping on his side of things with insurance/ leave/disability. Kate's sister made me promise I would be okay. I'm afraid of breaking that promise. Thank you all again. ✌️🫶😊 Also, should I tell her about this account? &nbsp; --- **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Stepoo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13dtpmw/my_24m_girlfriend_23f_just_broke_up_with_me/

13dtpmw

OP's Family wants her to GIVE THEM Her House (Concluded)

REPOST

This is a repost of a concluded story that was shared here almost 2 years ago. *Note: OP was active in a Phillipines sub so I'm assuming that is where she is from* Originally posted by u/pm_me_randomtips in r/AmItheAsshole on Dec 11, '20 updated Aug 8, '21. Trigger Warning: >!Loss of a family member!< &nbsp; [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kaywhd/aita_for_not_paying_for_not_giving_up_to_my/) Dec 11, '20 &nbsp; AITA for not paying for not giving up to my brother's tantrums? Posted in my side account because I know for a fact SIL reads stuffs on this sub. I [F29] recently bought a house and a brand new car. I will admit I probably splurge on my house more than I should but growing up very poor, it has been always a dream of mine to live in a nice house. I worked really hard to be where I am. So much so I undergo countless breakups because I always choose career over boys. My brother [M,25] is currently jobless. He works as a tourist guide before and can barely make ends meet. He has five kids now (and counting as his wife announced pregnancy recently). He messaged me on FB that there is something he wants to talk about and I thought he wants to name me godmother to his incoming baby. I said sure and invited him to the house to get his approval about some things I modified for our parents. I gave him a tour and he admired my house greatly, saying things like how excited he is to bring the kids to my house. I did not mind anything about it as I thought he meant a visit, which I'm more than happy to host them for. Imagine my surprise when he finally sat me down and finally revealed what he wants to talk about. HE.WANTS.ME.TO.GIVE.HIM.MY.HOUSE. I clarified whether he meant this house or the other house I bought for my parents which I still lived in (still has modifications ongoing with my dream house). He said the house is big enough for his family and I can go visit them anytime I like. He even offered that if I really wanted to live there, I can go move into the maid's room and modify it for my personal use. I was shocked I cannot speak as he thanked me over and over for the house. I finally asked him where the heck did that idea come from and said our mother told him I will give him MY HOUSE. I of course corrected that and this is where things gone south. My brother repeatedly said since our mom said the house is his now, I cannot do anything but give in. I called my mother to tell him to duck off and lo and behold, my mother sided with my brother. To make this already long story short, my whole family had cut me off and parents disowned me until I give my brother my house. My father has been brought to the hospital over this fight and now I feel really bad. The guy I'm seeing now said to just give the house to my brother and he'll help me to buy another. Reddit, AITA here? Edit: To clarify, the house that they gave away is the newly bought one. One I thought where I could raise five adorable furbabies. Family home is in my name, too as I have to take out a loan back then to buy it. So yeah. It may be obvious I'm not the asshole at first sight but I feel like I could be one because my father got hospitalized over the ensuing fight for the house. Edit 2: I'm tryingto read all comments and I'm just so overwhelmed for your support. I'm temporarily staying at a friend's house ever since. Your encouraging words really helped ease my mood. I finally decided not to give this house and sell the other one to help pay for a vast majority of loan on my dream house. I also decided to remove my parent's access to my health plans and remove them on my insurance. Last but not the least, thank you for the award kind strangers! Reading your comments made me realize how ridiculously unreal this sounds. &nbsp; *In the comments: * OP: Not a millionaire, really. Just earning really good. My job has great demand but really low on supply, and if I say so myself, I'm more than good at it. So the real millionaire's had to pay me a fat paycheck to keep me. Maybe its a culture thing because its an unspoken tradition that whoever earns more in the family must help the rest. . >I'm mostly curious where you can have parents as dependents for insurance. I tried for my dad once and my state was like naw he can just die. OP: Its a common thing for young professionals in my country. Everybody's dependent is their parents. If you're single at least. >I'm a little jealous OP: Don't be. Our healthcare is shit, even for those who can afford it. . >Is this real? This can't be real. >>She's from the same country as me. This scenario is not even new. I can pick people on my friends list who can write stories so close to this you'd say they're all copy cats. I mean my grandma pulled something like this to her kids. &nbsp; [Update 8 Months Later ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p0szcs/update_aita_for_not_giving_in_to_my_brothers/) Aug 8, '21 &nbsp; Hello. So a lot of people have reached out to me since my original post. A lot has happened then. I'll try to include much details as I can. So I cut my family off back in December and removed them in all services that will benefit them being connected to me. Since I figured, hey mom you told me I'm dead to you then you get no free house from me anymore. So the reactions from our extended family were just as I expected. Most of the "adults" sided with my mother. My cousins expressed their support to me. I got uninvited with the family reunion I initially sponsored and isn't that just the worst? My aunts and uncle had barricaded the gate when I arrived at my granny's house. I won't expand on this anymore because this still hurts until now. My mother also sued me for selling the first house back in January. It did not reach the higher courts and I won. Public perception of me got worst though. She and my brother took this defeat to twist the sympathy in their favor. They posted on socmed [social media] about how I am an ungrateful daughter and I owe them for everything I have. They also blamed me for my father's death. Yes. He died. I did not even get attend the funeral because I'm banned. When this happened, I almost give in and signed the papers to give the house to my brother. I blamed myself and believed them my selfishness killed my father. At this point, my boyfriend convinced me to take a break from work and talk to a professional. I did just that and I'm only now just realizing how ducked up the way they raised me. I can't believe it took internet strangers to realized something is wrong with how they treated to me. To be honest, I almost decided not to post an update. It was last month when my therapist suggested I should do it because this is where me breaking off from them started. On the bright side, I saw how my fiance's family really like me because of this ordeal. I thought they were just being nice. But shit happened and they supported me every step of the way especially when my partner had to go overseas for one week stay because of his job. They really took care of me and even assured me I'm worth more than my family thinks I am. The nicest thing I ever heard in my life came from his mother. Anyway, last July 21, my father's birthday, mother reached out to me. She explained to me that she understood she had no right banning me from his funeral but at the time, all she can think about is how I cut them off my health plans and it rendered them incapable of supporting my father's hospitalization. I did not realize this and we cried for hours. She said she still blames me though and doesn't think she can forgive me. I think I understand her. My therapist told me that thinking of what-ifs is counter productive but still, if I could go back in time, I'll help them with this. My brother won't talk to me. That's fine. The feeling is very much mutual. *In the comments:* >I still have doubts over the partner who said to just give the house to the brother and he'd then "help her buy a new one", according to the original post. Something is very wrong about him too. Now he's convince her to leave her job, which doesn't reassure me. >>Playing Devil’s advocate here. Perhaps his initial suggestion was made in dire circumstances, with him watching her struggle over this it might have just been a spur of the moment “I just want my loved one to stop hurting” thought. And here OP says “take a break from work”, that could mean taking a couple of weeks off, not necessarily quitting her job. You might be right, but you also might be not, I don’t think we have enough information to make that kind of judgment about OP’s partner. OP: Oh. He means well! I showed the comments about him back when I first posted and he made jokes about it. He is actually more well off than me. He made the offer because he just wants my family to stop bothering me about the house. This offer is made back when the things are escalating for the worst. Regarding me taking a break from work, its what we have been planning even before covid and when the travel restrictions eased off, there is always something coming up which pushes our travel plans. However, my work performance plummeted when my personal problems piled on top of another so he literally had to beg me to take a break from work. Just feel like I need to clarify this here. He is an absolute godsend. My partner treats me like a goddess. I only had to name it and he will give it to me. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13dtzgw/ops_family_wants_her_to_give_them_her_house/

13dtzgw

OOPs journey from Redditor of the day to the most hated person on Reddit.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by multiple accounts across multiple subreddits** &#x200B; This is a deep dive post that peeks behind the curtain into the life of a person who went from being a beloved redditor and mentor to one of the most hated redditors of all time. &#x200B; trigger warnings: >!CSAM - Child Sexual Abuse Material, child rape and abuse, torture, child trafficking, suicide !< mood spoilers: >!Yes, it gets worse!<   [**Original Post by u/CarlH on r/AskReddit**](https://web.archive.org/web/20110519154237/https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ckcjc/reddit_can_you_please_help_me_for_five_years_i/) \- 30th June 2010 **Reddit, can you please help me? For five years I have lived with this and I do not know what to do.** I hate to put something this personal out to everyone on Reddit, but I am desperate. Five years ago an "Internet Marketer" agreed to do a venture with my company at the time. He then tried to claim I owed him thousands of dollars in commissions which was false. He threatened that if I didn't pay him, he would ruin my reputation. He posted a false "rip off report" on me in 2005, a total lie, claiming I "stole" from his checking account. This now comes up as the #1 result on Google when searching for my name. In 2005, I started losing clients. Sales became impossible to make. Some time later that year I ended up losing the company which was at the time low-end valued at $600K. I lost everything. Those who took it over, ran it into the ground thus hurting my reputation even further. (Obviously, I know that rip off report alone didn't cause that. There were a lot of factors, but the rip off report certainly didn't help.). [Additional Info in comments.](https://web.archive.org/web/20110519154237/http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ckcjc/reddit_can_you_please_help_me_for_five_years_i/c0t6w1w) The bottom line is that for the last 5 years I have had to struggle with the fact that the first result on Google, for my name, is this Rip Off Report lie. I have lost great opportunities, and it has been a great struggle. Everyone does a Google search if they plan to work with someone. A claim, even false, that you are a thief showing up on result #1 doesn't help. Just imagine if the first search result for your name was a lie claiming you are a thief. How would that affect your friends, family, work, etc? I have contacted Rip Off report, and they don't care -- it is bringing traffic to their site, and so they will do nothing. They do not even care to validate whether or not the claim is even true. For five years I have struggled because of that lie, even friends and family want me to explain it. I did not do anything wrong. I have tried to do good for others continually, and to have all of that shoved aside because of one very loud lie I must admit is quite depressing. Is there anything I can do here? Does anyone have a suggestion for me? Edit: Totally unrelated -- except in the whole "Let's mess up Carl's life" area... Another company has been selling stuff on youtube/google video using video excerpts of me from a presentation I gave a few years back. They never asked my permission, never paid me. I do not endorse what they sell. I don't really bother with that much because it doesn't matter much in the grand scheme of things, and the video probably gets 3 views a month anyways if that. I figured I might as well mention that too. Edit: **Why not change your name** While this whole thing has hurt me a great deal, it has not destroyed me. Although a struggle, I have managed to build a good career in spite of it. I work with many people on a daily basis and they know me by my name. Changing it would really not be an option, even if I wanted to. Edit: **Get a lawyer. Sue. Etc.** Gladly, but it is easier said than done. I have talked to lawyers before and the whole thing is very complicated. There are multiple states, multiple entities, etc. Do I sue Google? Rip off report? The individual who posted it? Do I sue in Arizona, New York, Pennsylvania? For what do I sue? At what cost? I have no idea where/how to begin. Most lawyers I talked to basically told me it would cost a lot of money (tens of thousands of dollars) and I would more likely lose than win. Also, there are statutes of limitations, many complex factors. I would *gladly* pursue that if I had some kind of concrete plan. **I do not want anyone to post negatively about the individual who did this. I will not stoop to that level, and I hope no one else does either. Being on rip off report is a VERY lousy experience, and I do not wish it on anyone.** [A helpful suggestion from another Redditor.](https://web.archive.org/web/20110519154237/http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ckcjc/reddit_can_you_please_help_me_for_five_years_i/c0t6yve) In short, for those willing/able: Creating links with "Carl Herold" on pages already indexed on Google, as well as creating pages that are indexed on Google that have "Carl Herold" in the title *will help*. Basically, to help push this rip off report down in the search results, hopefully. Last night I registered <my name> .com/org/net - as was suggested. Somehow, I have no clue how, but somehow the .com didn't go through and ended up getting registered by some chinese company this morning. At any rate, at least I have .net/org I just want to tell everyone thank you. When I made this post, I was really feeling down. Just seeing everyone's support has helped me feel a ton better, even if nothing else comes of it. Thank you all! **TL;DR** \- Carl was blackmailed by a guy he worked with who eventually left a rip off report that said Carl stole thousands of dollars from him. This hurt his Carl's reputation and his business went under from there. He said this is the first thing that comes up when you google his name and it has impacted his employment opportunities and he wants it gone. &#x200B; [**Update by u/CarlH on r/AskReddit**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cltyt/update_reddit_you_are_awesome_thank_you/) \- 4th July 2010 A few days ago, I posted an "Ask Reddit" asking if anyone could help me to remove or fight against a lie that has been the #1 search result for my name and damaging my reputation for over five years. Many of you took it upon yourselves to help me by posting links and content with my name all over the internet via Reddit, Twitter, and just about everywhere else. Amazingly, so many of you did this that for part of June 30th my name was actually the 5th most searched for item on Google worldwide: [https://imgur.com/a/pSlqHBZ](https://imgur.com/a/pSlqHBZ) \-- even beating Larry King on the day of his announced retirement. Many of those searches came from people who just happened to see my name from your posts and went to Google to figure out why so many people were saying it. Reddit, in a matter of less than 12 hours, you shifted the search behavior of the entire internet in much the same way as a major geo-political event. At least tens if not hundreds of thousands of searches were done for a search term that prior to that point had few if any searches. Enough searches were done to result in the automated creation of over 200,000 new web-pages containing my name. Many of these pages were automatically created by companies that create content pages designed to rank high for popular search terms. The overall effect has been a brute-force nullification of the web page containing the lie. And here we are on July 4th and finally, after five years, that lie is completely gone from the first 5 pages of search results on Google and all other search engines, and it seems to be dropping more every day. Further, many other pages containing my name now rank high on Google, including automatically generated pages that have nothing to do with me, as well as pages about other individuals who share my name. Nothing negative therefore stands out against me. For five years, I have had to live with the stigma of this lie. I have had to explain it to friends, family, and business associates. I no longer have to live with that. Thank you, to everyone on Reddit who helped, including oblifrank from Name Repair who saw my original post and agreed to help me for free. &#x200B; ***Editor's Note - The above mentioned post is an example of how CarlH presented himself as an inconspicuous and "normal" redditor who people were glad to help. Brace yourself for the rest of the post which summarizes his online and real life actions.***   [**Post by u/cheemsgyaru on r/UnresolvedMysteries**](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/upkjb7/carl_h_once_made_a_following_for_himself_online/) \- 14th May 2022 **Carl H once made a following for himself online with his free computer programming lessons, but was later exposed as a horrific sexual psychopath with ties to an interstate child exploitation ring. He hung himself in prison and escaped justice, so what were the full extent of his crimes?** Carl Herold (aka Carl H) had some minor internet fame before, and after, he committed some of the most horrific crimes imaginable. A video about him by NExpo stands at 2.8m views and his YouTube channel still has 33k subscribers. Carl is a unique kind of internet horror story, and has fascinated me for a long time. While he left a footprint online, what he did is shrouded with mystery. Obviously the court documents are sealed, but we know Carl was on trial for raping his own 9 year old son, filming it and selling the videos. However, this wasn't really a contained situation at all, and Carl's suicide left a string of unanswered questions. Let me explain. ***PART 1: CARL THE REDDITOR*** I'm summing up Carl's life here, we don't know his exact date of birth but since he was 33 in 2014, let's say he was born in 1981. For reference. According to Law Enforcement, Carl was born and raised in Wyoming but never stayed in one state for too long as an adult. Carl joined reddit in 2006 and was one of the earliest users, and his account is a treasure trove to understanding his mind. In his early days, Carl was mostly active in debates about religion and politics. He was a real bible thumper back then, and notably went to [war with people on the comment section](https://old.reddit.com/user/CarlH/comments/?sort=controversial&count=100&after=t1_c038b43) of a clip from Jesus Camp where he argued that he had grown up Christian and attended Jesus Camps and it had never done him any harm. This is actually the most we know about Carl's early childhood. Carl's religious beliefs were strange and a little extreme. He believed cursing was morally repugnant, he thought homosexuality was a one way ticket to hell (and most christians are more lenient on it now) and was sick of people justifying it. He had a unique belief that it was a sin not to tell people they were sinning, and claimed support for the Westboro baptist church. His beliefs were so extreme he said he was going to homeschool his then 3 year old son to protect him from being drilled with atheism. In a badly aged comment, [he says this](https://old.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/6bdho/governor_schwarzenegger_vows_to_terminate/c03e6pr/?context=3). In 2009, Carl started to offer completely free computer programming lessons on reddit and YouTube and did really fucking well. They were apparently as good as a college course (they're still up so try them for yourself) and he was a great teacher. The worst part is that Carl put genuine effort into these, they were by no means half assed, and since he was making no money from them, well, that's pretty amazing right? He only asked for optional donations in return... which would be a very good way to launder unexplained money... His lessons didn't go unappreciated, and he became something of a reddit superstar. Carl reveals a lot more about his personal life in [this narcissistic AMA](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/cmht0/ima_former_entrepreneur_who_started_a_company_in/) in 2010 where he's obviously embraced his reddit celebrity status. He says that at 22 years old, he was a high school dropout with no money who started his own company. He claims he taught himself programming in middle school. The gist of his company was that it would work for companies tracking how much people viewed their websites. Carl comes off arrogant and dull here, droning on about the inner workings of his company as well as how he's oh-so-clever. However he says the company was really no success because he said he "made terrible business decisions" and it went under. He says he used to make a lot of money, but went broke and started to struggle with money in 2004/2005 because of "personal things" (this is when his son would have been born) and said he had done for years but his "financial situation has been picking up" for unknown reasons. One commenter joked that Carl lost his business because he spent it all on hookers and blow, and Carl replies "The most I did with my money was take my wife to Hawaii" Around the same time, Carl told a story about why his business really went under. Apparently, he was blackmailed by a guy he worked with who eventually left a rip off report that said Carl stole a thousand dollars from him. Carl's business went under from there. He said this is the first thing that comes up when you google his name and he wants it gone. The commenters went through an actual effort to change this by posting positive comments about him online until the rip off report was buried. In his next post, Carl thanks everybody who helped. *(As included at the start of this BORU post)* Just read the comments and see how much everybody loved this man. Anyway, Carl was a businessman at heart and knew how to manage these people. He was a lot more careful with personal information and beliefs in his later years on reddit, and just sculpted the image of the "reddit nice guy". He replied to every comment he got like he was replying to a work email. Really you can tell there's something off, he never has a laugh with people or seems passionate. He's a machine. In Carl's **2012 "Redditor of the Day"** post, he declares some personal information. [He says that he lives in New York. He says he is married. He says his family is the most important thing to him.](https://web.archive.org/web/20121107102259/https://www.reddit.com/r/redditoroftheday/comments/x6oek/carlh_redditor_of_the_day_july_26th_2012/) A comment that always stuck out to me is when someone asks him what the most embarrassing moment of his life is, he replies that he showed up to a girls house with a pimple. There's just something entirely unnatural about this comment, as though he googled "what embarrassing things can happen to someone" and just wrote down something he found. A personal friend of Carls [posted this](https://www.reddit.com/r/carlhprogramming/comments/3kwhdl/about_carl/) and filled in some of the gaps about Carl. Carl married young and had a horrible relationship with his family. It turned out his wife left shortly after his son was born and he raised him alone. They said they were shocked as Carl really did seem to love and care about his son. ***PART 2: CARL THE PSYCHOPATH*** By late 2013, Carl had stopped using reddit. Some people questioned it, but in December 2013 articles emerged that said a Carl Herald was arrested for [this](https://web.archive.org/web/20131220114027/http://whnt.com/2013/12/02/felony-examination-set-for-man-accused-of-numerous-child-pornography-charges/)... and began to question if it was Carl H himself. Although there is some confusion on how Carl was caught out it appears police found the videos and identified Carl's son, him or Charles Dunnavant and tracked them down. Carl was arrested in Alabama. Allegedly, Carl had held his son as a virtual captive and inflicting horrific abuse on him for a period of eight months until his arrest in November 2013. This is the period where he was less active online, and eerily dropped in to say he'd been online less because of "family issues" His only source of income was his programming courses and he worked from home. Charles was his domestic partner/husband and was being charged as a codefendant. This is also weird as Carl was very defensive about being straight and actively hated gays. The son had been sexually tortured, and reportedly whatever had been done was so bad that jurors left the room to puke. Carl was charged with filming these crimes and distributing them online. Charles was not charged with this. Weirdly, most of Carl's charges were to do with "conspiracy" and "complicity" and only Charles was charged with the bulk of the sexual issues. Charles was charged with giving the kid an STD, and Carl didn't get that. [Carl denied everything](https://www.al.com/breaking/2013/12/live-blogging_todays_huntsvill.html) to the point of actively interrupting detectives when they testified what he had done. While it might seem Charles was the true ringleader in this situation. Carl was pulled up on more than this. In May 2014, more charges were bought against him; he had ten counts of producing ~~CP~~ *CSAM* in Upstate New York between August 2011 and March 2013, with a boy who was only 7. [The way they put this seems like this kid a different person to his son](https://www.al.com/breaking/2014/05/carl_herold_facing_child_porno.html), although the ages would line up. Do you think this is Carl's son as well or do you think its a second victim? Charles was not charged in connection to this. [This article is also good.](https://www.al.com/breaking/2013/12/1_million_cash-only_bond_sough.html) Now, things got weird when police claimed they were looking for a third man to charge along with them: Mark Bedwell. But they couldn't find him and suggested he wasn't in the United States. Bizarrely, Mark was only to be charged with molesting somebody older than 12, and younger than 16. So he can't have done anything to Carl's son as he was 9. What connection does Bedwell have to these guys? bleh Some other people pointed out to me that there's an article about a man in Britain named Mark Bedwell being arrested for crimes he committed in the US and attacking the officers with acid. He got 6 months for the acid attack, but all the articles are tight lipped about what he did in the US. This could have been him. Sadly, Carl hung himself in prison in November 2013 when the investigation, which police said was spanning all over the country and could involve the arrest of dozens more men, before he could answer for his crimes and be convicted of anything. IMO justice was not served. Charles got 36 years in prison and the crimes faded away and I can't find anything about any more arrests. There has been theories over the years, and I'm left to wonder: * How did Carl get affiliated with Dunnavant? Was Dunnavant the true ringleader? What was Carl's psychology, was he always like this? * Were the NY charges to do with Carl's son or another kid Carl abused? * Who the fuck is Mark Bedwell, is he the same guy who got arrested in the UK, and what was his connection to them? * Do you believe there are more victims involved? What do you think is the true scope of this?   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Mist0fCapricorn

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13dw5ey/oops_journey_from_redditor_of_the_day_to_the_most/

13dw5ey

Almost 31 weeks pregnant and still haven’t told my family

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by**u/kaekutie **in** r/MomForAMinute trigger warnings: >!unplanned pregnancy and super religious family!< mood spoilers: >!a lot of worry with a happy ending!<  NOTE: This is posted with OP's permission. **Almost 31 weeks pregnant and still haven’t told my family** \- March 25, 2023 [LINK](https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/comments/121nmfy/almost_31_weeks_pregnant_and_still_havent_told_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I’ve known I was pregnant since October, and I have seen my family multiple times since then, but I’ve not told them I’m pregnant. They live 4 hours away and are super religious, so I know they will not approve of me and my boyfriend having a baby. We already live together and they were not happy about that, so I know this will result in a major reaction from them. I’ve put off telling them for so long because I already have enough stressors in my life and I don’t need their negativity on top of everything else. Please just give me some encouragement that it’s okay that I’ve waited so long. I know it’s their grandchild too, but after my boyfriend’s mom’s reaction, I just don’t want to tell them at all, even though I know at some point I’ll have to.   **I told my parents I’m 34 weeks pregnant** \- April 18, 2023 [LINK](https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/comments/12qkwuq/i_told_my_parents_im_34_weeks_pregnant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Some of you may remember my post a few weeks ago seeking encouragement because I hadn’t told my very religious family that I was expecting a baby with my boyfriend. I just wanted to come back on and give you all an update on their reaction. I ended up sending a card like some of you all had suggested, and it was definitely the best route. I bought a card off of Etsy and put a few ultrasound pictures in it, as well as a note asking them to process everything before they reach out with their reaction. They got the card on Saturday night, and I got a text from my mom on Sunday morning. The first line of the text reads “I already love her”, which sent me into tears. I got the best possible outcome, I was not expecting them to be so supportive and loving towards me. They’re excited to meet her, and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me.     **Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT contact or post to original OP - it will get you banned here!**

married2nalien

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13dzjvh/almost_31_weeks_pregnant_and_still_havent_told_my/

13dzjvh

Learning my boyfriend's native language in secret

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**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/Silver-Wolverine9833 **in** r/offmychest Mood Spoiler: >!Cute!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/11svt2f/learning_my_boyfriends_native_language_in_secret/) \- Mar. 16, 2023 **Learning my boyfriend's native language in secret** Haven't told anyone this, but I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by learning his native language. The last time I visited his home country (a year ago), I noticed that a lot of his friends and family had trouble switching to English around me, and even his sister was too self-conscious to try out her English with me. I also felt like I was missing out so much on culture and humor. I love my boyfriend and want to be an authentic part of his world. (I also am passionate about language-learning and partaking in new cultures). So I started learning his native language on Duolingo. I currently have over a 150-day streak I'm nearly finished with the course. I've been practicing for over an hour a day, and I've been watching TV and movies and listening to podcasts in the language. Luckily the language isn't too different from English. I think I'm getting to be conversationally fluent, and it makes me so happy. I'm visiting his home country again in May, and I can't wait to surprise him and his family by whipping out my new secret power :) \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/138s341/update_learning_my_boyfriends_native_language_in/) \- May 5, 2023 **UPDATE: Learning my boyfriend's native language in secret** **TLDR of original post**: I have been learning my boyfriend's native language (Danish) in secret for the past six months in order to surprise him when I visit his family in May. \---- **UPDATE:** So me and my boyfriend were walking around Copenhagen a week ago, having just arrived, and came to a park. I was originally planning on surprising him with my secret by participating in a Danish conversation, but since it would be a few days until we saw his family/friends, I just couldn't wait. It was nearly sunset and the park was so warm and beautiful. We were sitting down in the grass just people-watching, and I told him that I have been keeping a secret from him for a while: that I had been learning Danish for him for the past few months because I loved him and wanted to be an authentic part of his life. I was so nervous and relieved to say it. And his eyes widened and he just hugged me for a very long time and smiled and told me that he was so happy. He said that he had an inkling that I was doing something like this, because on our shared Spotify playlist, a bunch of Danish songs had begun to pop up (I had been listening to learn the lyrics). He said he would love to help me with the language! For the rest of the day we just talked and then had an amazing dinner. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. Fast forward a week and I've been hanging out with his family and friends, and they have all said how shocked they are at how good I am at Danish having only learned it for 6 months. I can listen and have full conversations with people. It's like a dream come true! I've even made a few jokes. I'm a little slow at speaking and I make some mistakes, but I'm so glad that my hard work has paid off (45min-1 hour every day for the past six months). Yesterday we were at a bar and I was speaking with a lot of my boyfriend's childhood friends, just having simple conversations about books and football and jobs, and a lot of them independently came up to my boyfriend later and told him how impressed they were, both with my Danish and with me as a person. Call me selfish but it just made me so happy to hear that :))) It's so nice to see how my work has paid off. I think that communicating with people in their native language lets you see their most authentic selves, and so I felt like I got to know them much better than if we just spoke in English. Last night my boyfriend just reiterated how much he loves me and how impressed and overjoyed he is that I've done this. He says it opens so many doors for me, just in terms of work and living opportunities here, and also how much he and his friends and family appreciate it. Of course I have LOTS more to learn, but I think my trip so far has been nothing but a huge success. We've shared so many awesome moments together. I love my boyfriend and his country and I can't wait to get more fluent :) P.S. For all of those out there discouraged about language learning, especially as an adult, it IS possible and extremely rewarding! Find a reason to do it, and don't give up!! \~\~\~ *Edit: I think I should include [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/138s341/update_learning_my_boyfriends_native_language_in/jj0rb43/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) comment, since it expands on what methods OOP used to learn the language:* Duolingo is not all I used! I also used Language Learning with Netflix (watched dozens of hours of tv shows and movies with subtitles), read and translated several HC Andersen fairytales, read a few easy books, listened to Danish podcasts, and wrote down helpful phrases and practiced them again and again. I think it would be impossible to learn from just one method alone. And now I'm able to speak with actual people, which is the most helpful (just plain immersion). I previously got to an advanced level in French with this method. I think the important thing is to just surround yourself with your target language and to not get discouraged while making mistakes. Of course, I'm FAR from perfect in Danish, I have so much left to learn! But it is possible, for sure! \~\~\~ **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster.**

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13fawrb/learning_my_boyfriends_native_language_in_secret/

13fawrb

OOP (40M) falls in love with an escort (25F) he hired for five consecutive years.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwRA_jay123 in r/relationship_advice.** trigger warnings: >!spouse death mentioned in the beginning, loneliness, let me know if I missed any!< mood spoilers: >!melancholic!< --- &nbsp; [**I'm (40 M) in Love with an escort (25 F)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/l31rdj/im_40_m_in_love_with_an_escort_25_f/) - January 22, 2021 8 years ago my wife past away and I had a difficult time coping. Eventually I tried online dating, but went nowhere. I started seeing an escort, and she was amazing. We really connected on an emotional as well as a physical level. I've seen her at least once a week for the past 5 years. I feel like we've grown close over this time and she's opened up to me as well. She's told me her real name l, I've been to her actual condo, shes told me her reasons for becoming an escort. We talk about her family... and I've even taken her on vacation several times. We text daily, We've talked about her school and her career and this what is messing me up. I feel a strong connection but I also realize it's her job... and I'm paying her. The problem for me is that she's now done school and is ready to move back home to begin her career and quit being an escort. She told me all this during Christmas... She bought me a Playstation 5 for Christmas! Wtf.. she said it was a thank you for being a great client all these years and she said she is gonna miss me. She said that even though I was a client I always made her feel special. She said she is gonna miss venting to me and appreciated me always listening to her...She said she is planning on making the move this spring. I'm mentally preparing for it but don't know if I can handle it... I think I am in Love with her. I want to tell her this. I want to tell her I love her and she means everything to me. I really think she has feelings too.. but indont know... maybe she's really good at her job . It's probably a Longshot, but I'd love to be in a real relationship with her... hell I'd even relocate with her. Should I tell her I love her? I'm 40 no kids, i don't have a lot of close friends... all I have is my career. What do I have to lose? I dunno. Then again, if this is all just a part of her job as an escort I don't want to make her feel awkward.. TL/DR: In love with an escort. She's quiting and moving away. Do I tell her my feelings? &nbsp; [**UPDATE - I'm (40 M) in Love with an escort (25 F)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/l31rdj/im_40_m_in_love_with_an_escort_25_f/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) - January 27, 2021 **Original post removed by moderators.** Hi everyone I'm new and not sure how to update so I included my previous post below: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/l31rdj/im_40_m_in_love_with_an_escort_25_f/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share So I told her how I felt. We had another amazing time this weekend. We were cuddling in bed and looking at potential homes for her when she moves back. She seemed very excited about her future. At this point I wasn't going to say anything. She seemed so excited about her future that I didn't want to ruin the moment. As we were about to fall asleep she said that she's going to miss this. I ask her to explain and she said she's going to miss snuggling with me, miss my massages, hair play, and chatting and hanging out in bed. So then I told her… I told her how amazing a person she was and how I was excited for her future too. I said that she positioned herself to get everything she wanted out of life. I thanked her for everything she has done and how important she had been to me over the years. I said I have developed deep feelings for her and asked her If we can see each other once she retires. I asked her if I can take her out on a real date afterwards.... Her response.. "I care about you too but let's not complicate things right now and enjoy our remaining time together." She fell asleep shortly there after while I was up all night with my heart breaking. The next morning I apologized for making things weird. She said it's fine and she understands and not to worry about it. She seemed to be taking this all so calmly and casually, like it didn't affect her at all. Meanwhile I'm dying inside. Before I left she recommended a friend of hers who is an escort that I can see once she retires. Ouch. This was Sunday. For the next few days it was weird. Usually we text all the time, she'd send me cute pics and stuff.. but there was barely any communication. Then I receive an email. She tells me that I have been an important part of her life too and that I've helped her grow throughout the years. She says that she has feelings too but are unsure of what they are exactly. Somewhere along the way the lines were blurred and she said it was her fault for letting that happen. She doesnt wants to explore those feelings because she has to move on with her life. She says it will never work because there are so many obstacles to overcome... mainly the fact that she will be living across the country. She says she is open to being friends but isn't even sure about that as might complicate things. She suggested that we take a break from seeing each other for a while. I replied and apologized again for making things weird. I told her that she was special and I will support whatever she wants to do. Well... I am absolutely destroyed. I mean I knew this probably wasn't going to end well, but I don't know how I'm going to get over this heart break. I don't know if I'll ever see her again. What am I going to do now? No one wants to be with a broken down 40 year old man. For her, I am happy she is starting a new life. She will be successful in her new career. Get married and start a family..... I was delusional to think that it could have been with me. I want to thank everyone for the kind words and support. As for the ones with the negative comments or who have attacked me in my DMs... it doesn't matter to me, nothing that you say can make me feel any worse than already do. Maybe its time for some professional help. Or I should just go see that other escort. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

UnionEventCenterKiss

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13fbplt/oop_40m_falls_in_love_with_an_escort_25f_he_hired/

13fbplt