Commentary & Lifestyle
Chemistry + Compatibility
Let's talk about love.
​It's wonderful, but it isn't always easy to find, and it can be tricky to maintain. In today's day and age, dating has become something people do for fun and don't take seriously, and in my book, that's not the path to love. Now, that's not to say that dating shouldn't be fun! It absolutely should! But sacrificing potential for fun is where things go awry.
We, as women, have the power to choose who we date and why. I think we all want a lasting and meaningful connection, and even though the first initial excitement of chemistry with a new person is intoxicating, pursuing that feeling forever is unsustainable. And it gets lonely having only short-lived, superficial relationships rather than meaningful, supportive ones. The focus, then, shifts forward. The great thing is, we get to be picky about what we want for our future and how the man we marry fits into that vision. And even though who we end up with can be different than what we imagined, there are still certain requirements that can't be circumvented.
Here's what I've come to believe is integral to love: Chemistry + Compatibility make for a long and healthy relationship. Seems obvious, right? But let me explain.
Early on in your dating life, you probably found your Chemistry guy. He's the guy who you loved spending time with, couldn't get out of your head, and thought to yourself, "He just gets me." You could talk for hours and you were incredibly physically attracted to each other. You were in love with this guy, no doubt about it. But the big questions? You just didn't agree. Maybe it was religion, maybe you wanted children and he didn't, or maybe he was on the other side of the political aisle. But whatever it was, you told yourself that those things just didn't matter because your Chemistry guy was perfect for you. He was your soulmate.
And that was true, for a while. But then the arguments that you tried to avoid became too important. And in a way, that made your relationship feel even more special. The drama was, in a way, exciting and made you feel like you really had to fight for your love. The anxiety made your relationship feel fiery and passionate. But in the end, it didn't work out because the big questions were too integral to your future.
You may have met your Compatibility guy, too. On paper, the two of you couldn't make more sense. Your future would be perfect...if you actually liked spending time with him. Unfortunately, it just didn't feel right.
In both cases, you were missing one vital ingredient.
When you meet the right guy, you have both. There's chemistry and compatibility. You can talk through the night, and you can talk about your future without fear. But you don't have to be afraid of losing him, and so there's a feeling of security that's calmer and more peaceful. And that's worth looking for.
My husband and I got married eight months ago, and both of us knew one week after we met that we had found the one. We talked about the big questions early on, agreed on what we wanted for our future, and enjoyed each other's company endlessly. In a moment I realized that I had both parts of the recipe to a great marriage. So keep looking for love in the right places and always remember: Chemistry + Compatibility!