The Bachelor goes a step too far with UnReal-style runaway bachelorette
By Genevieve Rota
September 5, 2018 — 9.02pm
Considering this was the episode in which three much-maligned intruders arrive, their presence took up relatively little of our attention in Wednesday night's episode of The Bachelor.
To say newbies Deanna, Brittney and Jamie-Lee were overshadowed by drama later in the show is a gross understatement - but before we get to the crux of said drama, we must start from the top.
The intruders' arrival is about as welcome as a kick in the teeth and sends the original bachelorettes into a spin. You can almost see the cogs turning in their heads as they instantly try to assess their standing with Bachelor Nick "Honey Badger" Cummins.
Is their connection with the guy strong enough for all of them to survive three fresh faces?
Turns out, no - but more on that later.
As the intruders arrive, and take turns introducing themselves to Cummins, they are roundly assessed by the watching bachelorettes.
Intruders Brittney, Jamie-Lee and Deanna make their arrival.
Photo: Network Ten
"I don't rate her," Cat says about Deanna.
"Jamie-Lee is really beautiful and she's got a bangin' bod," Alisha says.
"She seemed a bit Jatz crackers," Alisha says of Brittney.
In a nutshell: Jamie-Lee is the only one they see as a threat. Even then, "the intruders are definitely debatable", concludes Cat. "I thought there'd be some better ones coming in but I don't really feel threatened by the three girls that have arrived. They don't stand a chance."
The newly-acquainted group of bachelorettes heads off to the day's challenge: a game of moon hopper netball, in which the women have to bounce around on giant moon hoppers and try and get goals in a net for their team.
As you'd expect, it's a classy, dignified way to go about finding the love of your life. Cummins finds the entire thing hilarious.
The bachelorettes played dirty in a game of moon hopper netball.
Before long, disaster strikes: Brooke, who's a skilled rugby player, tackles newcomer Jamie-Lee, who proceeds to roll her ankle in the fall. Her injury requires a trip to the hospital - but earns her some one-on-one time with Cummins, who carries her, over-the-threshold-style, away from the scene of the crime.
Up next is Cummins' single date with Tenille, the 25-year-old Queensland flight attendant who, up until now, has been rather quiet in the season.
In a cute play on Cummins' famous nickname, the pair goes for a beekeeping session on a local farm, extracting - and then eating - chunks of honey in its freshest form. Later on, Tenille gets a long, romantic kiss from Cummins, making her the fifth woman he's locked lips with in seven episodes. Not bad for a Honey Badger.
Our favourite bit of the beekeeping date? When Cummins, left, and Tenille high-fived and missed.
Normally this development wouldn't warrant any further conversation. But because this is The Bachelor and it's produced by Warner Bros., a brand that knows how to deliver #content, the kiss becomes a major plot point in an increasingly dramatic story arc.
See, Tenille has previously told her fellow bachelorettes that she doesn't like to kiss on first dates. When she returns to the mansion and tells the women she kissed Cummins, resident pot stirrer Romy calls Tenille out for her contradiction. What's that about a woman's prerogative?
What ensues is a fight that would seem much more at home in an episode of UnReal.
Romy, taking it upon herself to serve as the mouthpiece for the entire group, launches in with a slew of accusations that are so silly they don't bear repeating. Tenille repeatedly asks Romy to leave her alone - when she doesn't, she leaves the area.
Romy on the attack. Again.
Seconds later, Romy approaches her again. Tenille's had enough by this point, and she storms off outside. She asks a crew member to remove her mic pack - he refuses, so Tenille unzips her gown, rips off the pack and stalks off the mansion grounds, with a female produce on her tail.
"I'm not f---ing having it," Tenille says to the producer. "Nup. Get those f---ing cameras away from me.
"I have copped nothing but sh-t from those girls, coming home from a single date," Tenille says, bursting into tears. "I have been nothing but f---ing nice to them every time they've gone on one. I'm not in high school."
Tenille defended herself to Romy but soon had enough, and left.
"Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me Tenille, what's going on?" asks the producer, following Tenille to the edge of the property.
When Tenille twigs that the camera is still on her, she carries on through the bush.
"Tenille, we can't go further than this babe. Babe, babe, babe," says the producer. "It's actually dangerous babe, we can't go further than this."
"I can see the f---ing cameras!" Tenille yells.
The screen goes black as the camera switches off, but the audio continues.
"Tenille! Stop! You can't run away - stop running! Seriously, stop it, it's dangerous. Tenille, stop running! Stop!" yells the producer after her.
Tenille removed her mic pack and stormed off the set of the show.
Quick quez: If they wanted her to stop running, why didn't they cut the cameras?
The parallels between this entire scene and various scenes from UnReal, which dramatically satirises shows like The Bachelor, are almost too much to handle. An ugly scene like this takes the show into ridiculous territory, where a woman's obvious and extended distress is used as fodder for the show's highlights reel. That Romy and her sidekicks are still on the show makes it even worse.
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Eventually, Tenille calms down and makes her way back to the house. With the producer now using the opportunity to ask her questions about her feelings for Cummins, cameras and audio on, fourth wall still broken, it all feels too dark and contrived to sit well.
At the rose ceremony, the hits keep coming. Instead of two of the intruders being sent home, as all the original bachelorettes suspect, it's Rhiannon - who went on a single date with Cummins last week - and Ashlea who are sent packing.
The looks on the bachelorettes' faces were enough to say it all. Honey Badger isn't messing around anymore. Judging from the entire episode, nor are the producers.
The original bachelorettes lost two of their own on Wednesday night.
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