'Monte Carlo' review: At least we have Paris
Entertainment // Movies
MC-023 ÊÊEven an elevator ride has intriguing and unexpected consequences for the vacationing Emma (Katie Cassidy, left), Meg (Leighton Meester) and Grace (Selena Gomez) in, "Monte Carlo."Larry Horricks/Twentieth Century Fox
Romantic comedy. Starring Selena Gomez, Leighton Meester and Katie Cassidy. Directed by Thomas Bezucha. (PG. 109 minutes. At Bay Area theaters.)
The ingredients should have been there for a diverting bit of light escapism, but "Monte Carlo" gets it all wrong. It's unpleasant where it should be pleasant, convoluted where it should be streamlined, anxiety provoking where it should be easy, and long, long, long - at least 20 minutes longer than it has a right to be.
Three young women go on a trip to Paris, from their hometown in Texas - and right there, that should have been something. They're going to Paris, which means you're going to Paris, too. There are worse things. But no, two of the young ladies don't like each other. One (Leighton Meester) is priggish, the other (Katie Cassidy) is a free spirit.
And then there's our heroine Grace, played by Selena Gomez, who looks like she's about 14. Grace has dreamed of Paris all her life, but somehow all this advance thought hasn't prevented her from signing on to a cheap tour and booking a fleabag hotel.
Then destiny strikes and the plot kicks in when the girls wander into a chic neighborhood and everyone mistakes Grace for a brainless, jet-setting socialite, someone on the order of Paris Hilton. Suddenly the girls find themselves in the royal suite and on a private jet to Monte Carlo.
But wait, just in case you're enjoying this, there's the priggish one, Meg (Meester), to remind everyone at every turn that they shouldn't be doing this, that this is dangerous, that this is a big mistake. It could not have been fun for Meester to be cast as a wet blanket.
The rest of the movie is a lot of variations on the theme of mistaken identity. Gomez plays both Grace and the socialite, and she's adequate, in the sense of not embarrassing herself.
But of the three leads, the only one with definite comic talent is Cassidy, who is the daughter of David and the granddaughter of Jack. (You know, like the Barrymores Lite.) She is comically inventive and spontaneous and has a lively face.
But if you really want to talk about comedy, "Monte Carlo" contains two of the best comedians in Europe, Britain's Catherine Tate, wasted in a straight role as the socialite's aunt; and France's Valerie Lemercier, a wonderful writer-director who has a handful of lines as a tour guide here.
These women are brilliant, hysterically funny, one-of-a-kind talents, but "Monte Carlo" is intent on keeping that a secret.
Anyway, two-thirds into the proceedings, the plot is a tangle of social obligations, polo matches, four guys involved with three women, and confusion over a necklace.
And yes, every last one of those things has to be worked out before they turn off the projector and let you go home. It's a strange thing, the line between exciting and stress-inducing.
"Monte Carlo" actually generates stress without creating excitement. It's the difference between wishing the characters well and just wishing they would stop.
E-mail Mick LaSalle at mlasalle@sfchronicle.com.