The Bunny Boiler - Chapter 11
You know when you're young listening to music about heartbreak, or watching movies about a girl crying over a cheating boyfriend and singing All By Myself? And you know how you never truly understand it properly until something like that happens to you? Well, welcome to my very first break-up. Except I'm doing none of the above.
I tried taking Sofia's advise to watch Bridget Jones' Diary, but it didn't really help. Colin Firth reminded me of Jamie with his curly, dark hair so I switched off at the first sight of the reindeer jumper. I even tried eating ice cream and cookie dough like they do in American films, but managed to get a brain freeze within the first 30 seconds so promptly gave up on that too.
My entire morning was spent listening to Christina Aguilera's You Lost Me, hugging my pillow and refusing to do anything. It only changed because Mikey barged through the front door, past my mum and literally dragged me out of bed.
"Put some clothes on now!" he demands. "Why have you been ignoring my texts?"
I look up at his angry face through my teary, blurred vision and almost kick him to leave me alone. But even lying on the floor with him tugging at my leg is still too much energy. All I want to do is go to sleep and forget about everything.
"Why are you ignoring texts?" he demands again.
I hear my mum knock gently on the door, checking if everything is OK. She then loses her temper and shouts, "Turn that music off! That thing's been playing on loop for three hours!" and she's gone again. Bye Mum! Don't mind your broken daughter!
Mikey makes a swift move for the iPod and takes it off the dock. Christina's voice is cut off. A small yelp escapes me as I think of how different things now sound without that as my background track.
"You're being pathetic. Get up and put some clothes on. And your top is too big for you. I can see your boobs," I look down to be greeted by them also. I'm relieved Mikey is gay.
"So why haven't you been replying to texts? We've all been worried,"
I adjust my top, rub my eyes and stand up. Wow. Haven't done that in a while.
"You also skipped college yesterday,"
I slump my shoulders wondering why he's being so insensitive about it. Doesn't he know the world of pain I'm in? I walk around the room as if testing my legs out for the first time. I resemble Bambi on ice, but with bushier hair.
"I don't want to look at my phone," I admit weakly. "I don't want to see if Jamie has contacted me, and at the same time I don't want to see that he hasn't," I look up at Mikey who has gained some understanding in his eyes, "D…did you see him yesterday?"
"No. But I saw Kate. She looked very happy,"
"Well, of course she did. She got what she wanted,"
"You cannot let this get to you. Be the bigger person. Rise above it and let him see what he lost. But you can't do that with pyjamas, unbrushed hair and what I can only imagine is several days' worth of morning breath,"
"I suppose," He's right. He's always right, dammit.
I'm dressed pretty quickly, but I refuse to brush my hair. Eventually Mikey realises it is a losing battle when I wrestle the Tangle Teezer out of his hands and throw it at the other side of the room. We have now ventured into town in the hope of getting my mind off my failed relationship. My mum has given me her credit card out of pity and all I'm thinking is how much of a shame it is that she chooses to do so now. On the day where my mind will be on everything apart from spending.
"Let's buy you some new make-up. You like make-up," and I'm quickly rushed into Debenhams faced with the Benefit counter.
"I don't want make-up," I grunt.
Mikey analyses my face. "No, but you need it,"
We're now in Starbucks after what I can only describe as an uneventful shopping session. I honestly don't know why Mikey thought this would help. I've been walking around like a zombie in my back to front jumper and my tangled hair.
Mikey plonks the cappuccino in front of me and in a surly tone asks, "So what exactly is the problem?"
What? How can he even ask that?
I don't reply. Only throw him a stern look which makes him spill his tea. That was pretty cool, actually. I wonder if I have special powers. Maybe I can make Kate disappear.
"Jamie is stupid. Like, really stupid. Anyone with half a brain can see that Kate is a psycho. Why would you want to be with someone that stupid?"
I mope into my cappuccino as I say, "Because I love him. And because he smells great," and just like that I want to start crying all over again while listening to Christina Aguilera. I get flashbacks of our time together, smiling, happy and get an overwhelming feeling of anger. How did this happen? How did my boyfriend lose faith in me? What have I done wrong?
"Mikey?"
"Yes?"
"Am I chaotic?"
"Yes,"
"What?"
"Well, what makes me chaotic? What do I do that gives that impression?" I look at him like a child asking their parent a difficult question.
"It's hard to describe. You just...are,"
I sit back in my chair and look out of the window. I don't mean to be so dramatic. It just happens.
"I'm sure you'll grow out of it," Mikey announces and I scowl at him.
"So I'm not even chaotic in a cute way?"
"What? Why are you asking?"
I take in a deep breath before speaking. "Well, that's how Jamie described me. He said I get myself into these crazy situations and that I wouldn't be happy without them. He said all his friends warned him about me,"
"OK, firstly, don't listen to what his crew of morons say. They're just jealous. Have you not seen the way they stare at you? And secondly, yes, you get yourself into crazy situations, and sometimes it really does feel like it follows you around more than the average person. Much more, in fact. But, there's nothing wrong with it," he gives me a sympathetic smile and slurps his tea. That's as much affection as I'm ever going to get out of him.
"Am I chaotic in the same way Kate is chaotic?"
"Definitely not! Kate is a massive hurricane that creeps up and ruins your life. You're a gentle landslide, occasionally displacing the odd mountain bear here or there,"
"Are you the mountain bear?"
"Yes, I bloody am, Ella. And it really can be a nightmare with you sometimes. All this mountain bear wants to do is sleep in his cave, but no, he's never allowed. He has to go spy on people and buy boats,"
I can't help but burst out laughing, which is great because I haven't done so in a while.
We pause and stare out of the window watching the world go about its day.
"I'm sure Jamie will come round. And if he doesn't, well, why would you want to be with someone as fickle as that anyway?" Mikey consoles.
I nod because I know he's absolutely right. But it still doesn't mean the pain is any less severe than a few minutes ago.
"I just want him to see what she's really like. It hurts that he doesn't believe me,"
"I know. He will eventually. I don't know how she's managed it but she's blinded him and he can't see. He doesn't have the Bunny Boiler Richter Scale technology that we have,"
I smile.
"Things will get better. You just need to stay out of their way so that Jamie sees you're not out to cause trouble, but that the trouble has been Kate all along. Just be patient,"
"I don't think patience is my thing," I stare out of the window as my brain starts to plot something.
"Ella? What are you thinking?"
I smile mischievously as I sip my cappuccino. "Hang on tightly, little bear. There's a landslide coming,"
To which Mikey practically has a heart attack.